#til 11; which WOULD allow me to sleep in if i didn’t have a doctor’s appointment at fucking 9

[fingertipsmp3]

Playing a game called ‘how long can I put off talking about my various mental problems with a medical professional’. It’s going badly. I recommend no one play this game, 0/5 stars

#so basically i had an appointment booked tomorrow to talk about potentially getting a prescription for microgynon or similar #just to even out my cycle. but i already got a prescription from boots because i discovered that’s a thing you can do #but i was like ‘no i’ll keep the appointment and finally talk about my anxiety’ #my idea was to go in there and be like ‘so here’s the deal; i got my pills already and you should probably check my blood pressure #i’m like 99% certain it’ll be 100 over 80 as always but we should make sure it hasn’t shot up because i could like. die. #second; everybody in my life is begging me to get help for my anxiety. what do now’ #but then i thought about it and i was like…… do i really want to go to the doctor’s BEFORE WORK and also talk about all these complex issues #like i WILL cry if i talk about my mental health or lack thereof with a random stranger. i will. because it’s a humiliating conversation!! #i don’t like having it!!! there’s a reason i quit therapy 13 years ago and haven’t gone back #also i don’t want to get up that early. lately i have not been sleeping well and i need all the sleep i can get and my shift doesn’t start #til 11; which WOULD allow me to sleep in if i didn’t have a doctor’s appointment at fucking 9 #i was also thinking in my own brain like. what if i chicken out and only have them check my blood pressure (which is a pointless exercise #because it Is going to be 100 over 80 and also i could just buy a blood pressure machine and do that in my home. then they’ve put aside a 30 #minute block for someone who literally doesn’t need it. i should cancel it in case someone needs an urgent appointment #so i called them and cancelled it lol #listen. one day i will stop playing this game and just TALK to somebody. but it is not this day #i genuinely think that for the moment i can manage my anxiety with herbal remedies and meditation and just reminding myself that i am being #stupid and to shut up. like i’m fundamentally okay. i am going to work. i am functioning at work. my manager is happy with how i’m doing #and says other coworkers have told her i’m great. everyone is commenting saying i’ve lost weight and i look well #i take my little mabel for walks and i read books and enjoy my hobbies. like. i’m OKAY. #i know things could still be better but fundamentally i don’t think i have anything meaningful to tell a medical professional #like maybe everyone gets nervous and sad and feels like it’s all pointless. what do i really expect to happen #would antidepressants even help me? who can be sure. not me #tl;dr i’m FINE except when i’m not but even then i think generally i will be fine #personal

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Ok my dudes, dudettes, & various cryptids, we gotta talk about something. A health something.

So if you've followed me at all, you know I have vEDS & that my hypermobility is pretty gnarly in that my joints are stupid levels of unstable. I think many of you have probably caught on to the fact that I wasn't diagnosed until pretty late in the game... like 4 yrs ago when I was 30. For as bad as my symptoms are, I should have shown significant symptoms & signs as a youngster, someone should have noticed, right? It seems super sketchy that I have a lifelong genetic disorder in a really bad way but nobody noticed til I was 30.

I definitely get that. That shit is sketchy as hell, unless you know how I was raised. Allow me to shed light upon why I'm a weird outlier regarding treatment/diagnosis of EDS.

I guess let's start at the beginning. I was born to a workaholic man & a schizoaffective woman who was upset that I was not a boy. When the doctors pulled me out, my hips were dislocated entirely. Like just dangling. But my mother was so "distressed" (aka throwing a crazy bitch fit over something insane) that they didn't want to trouble her or my father with it. They told my dad's mom. She... told nobody.

As a baby/toddler/preschooler, I fell. A lot. Like, an abnormal amount & for seemingly no reason. My knees & elbows bent backward. But dad was always working & mom was crazy.

When I was 4, they split, & dad got with my stepmother.

The first memory I have of this woman is her laughing at 4 yr old me & calling me stupid with an amount of venom in her voice that I was used to from mom (who still hated me for not being a boy). Why was 4 yr old me stupid & deserving of ridicule? Because I'd never seen french toast, but knew what toast was, so I made the toast connection & tried to eat the sticky mess with my hands. You know... LIKE TOAST.

Anyway, i remember my entire childhood having neck, back, & joint pain. The joint pain would get so bad that elementary school aged me would cry myself to sleep most nights. Dad was still always working & the stepmom told me that either I was faking for attention or that I just had the regular pains everyone has, I was just a baby & sucked at coping.

I can remember popping my hips partially in & out (obviously not knowing what I was doing) when I was absent mindedly thinking because I liked the noise it made. I remember the stepmom starting a nickname that stuck within the family for YEARS: flamingo girl because my elbows & knees went so far backwards. I remember the running family jokes about how I would be "just standing there, then fell over for no reason". I was told I was clumsy & so uncoordinated they were surprised I could get food into my mouth.

Still, I was told it was normal, despite nobody else having these problems.

My shoulder started sliding out of socket regularly on the playground or during normal activities during elementary school. The first time it happened at school, I went to the nurse. My stepmom reluctantly came to get me & take me to the doctor while telling me I was faking to get out of school.

When I was 7, I started getting pneumonia every winter. She berated me for having the nerve to be "so disgustingly sickly".

When I was 8, I started getting what looked like migraines every couple months, but was never taken to a doctor. I was put in a dark room with a cold compress & grounded for attention seeking. Around this time, schools still did scoliosis checks & found mild curvatures in my back. Nothing was ever brought up about that again.

When I was 11, my knee fully dislocated at school. I was told I did it on purpose to make her look bad. She had a friend who was a psychiatrist treat me for mental illness that I didn't have because the doctor, being her friend, didn't even speak to me. Just took her word for it regarding my alleged behavior & my mother's mental health. I was drugged & pulled out of school for an intensive outpatient program where I said nothing. Saying nothing was safest. The one time I spoke of her other outright abuse, I was punished.

All this time, my father was working himself to death because she popped out 2 other kids, bringing the count to a total of 4, & refused to work. He had no idea what was happening.

So I grew up thinking my body was normal, I just sucked at dealing with it. I didn't get any idea that it wasn't until my mid 20s but by then, I was a parent & was juuuust making ends meet, so I couldn't figure out what was happening, even if I wanted to. So I pushed through as my dislocations & migraine like headaches got more frequent & more devastating.

Then, around 30, after 4 organ ruptures of unknown causes & a lifetime of ignored dislocations, hypermobility, pneumonia, & migraines, my body had enough. Things really went downhill & it snowballed pretty fast. It still took until I was 32 to get a proper diagnosis.

Since then, everyone has been trying to play catch up. By that time, my tendons & ligaments had become so fragile that PT actually did a load of damage in the form of tearing. My hips & knees slid out slightly when I walked, resetting themselves when I put my foot back on the floor. I was rx'd a power chair (which I still waited nearly 2 years to get & still only use for long trips). I had serious GI problems. The migraines (which are tension headaches) were happening weekly (now daily).

So in summary, this could have been prevented with early intervention & proper care. But unfortunately I was the victim of abuse & negligence. And that, my dears, is why I am a weird outlier.

If you take ONE thing from this, I hope it is that you pay attention & listen to your kids. Don't blow them off when they say something is wrong or you see evidence that something is wrong.

If you've made it this far, thank you for listening to my rant/explanation of how EDS can be THIS bad & go unnoticed for so long.

Also, there is no need for "I'm sorry" or pity. I know how hard my life has been & I went through a decade of therapy to get over the PTSD & such from my childhood. It's just an explanation & cautionary tale.

[isitgintimeyet]

Letting Go

AO3

Previous

Hope you enjoy this chapter. Next post will be slightly later than usual - I’m away for a long weekend in France.

Thanks to @mo-nighean-rouge for the beta and @happytoobserve for the encouragement

Chapter 11: Honesty

Honesty is such a lonely word Everyone is so untrue Honesty is hardly ever heard And mostly what I need from you

Billy Joel

The first thing Claire noticed as she and John entered the private hospital room was the sheer number of cards, fruit baskets and balloons covering practically every surface. The second was that a bunch of flowers was currently being held, rather sheepishly, by Jamie. He shuffled his feet a bit and muttered a greeting to John and Claire.

Anna appeared to be well on the mend. Although still wired up to various machines, with her arm in plaster and a large bandage covering part of her cheek, she looked more like a lady entertaining in her boudoir, rather than having been involved in a potentially fatal accident.

Her speech, however, presented a different picture. Her voice was weak, hesitant, stumbling over words.

“Hello,” she rasped, her voice quiet. “Look… at the flowers… Jamie has bought me… not allowed.”

Claire smiled. “I know, they’re glorious. Hydrangeas, aren’t they? But, you’re right,  they’re not allowed in the room. Infection prevention.”

Jamie smiled and finally looked at Claire. “Aye, I was told hydrangeas. I dinna really ken, I’m no’ too good with the flowers… or when to give them… apparently.”

********

Nine years ago

“Why do you never buy me flowers, Jamie?”

“I dinna ken… it’s like flowers are fer when ye’re trying tae make an impression, when ye dinna ken where ye stand or it’s fer an occasion. But us, Sassenach, do we need flowers? Would that make a difference tae us… tae how ye feel about me?”

“I guess not.”

“But, Sassenach, If flowers are important tae ye, I’ll remember that, I’ll bring ye flowers.”

“No, Jamie, there’s no need, honestly. You’re right.

“Anyways, I dinna need flowers tae show ye how I feel about ye. I can tell ye… I can tell ye all the time. In fact I’ll never stop telling ye what ye mean tae me, Claire Beauchamp.”

************

“Mary’s jes’ gone tae get a cup of tea,” Jamie continued. “I believe she’s comin’ back down the road with ye. Mebbe she can take the flowers home.”

“Yes, that’s right.” John responded, while Claire pulled up a chair and sat next to Anna, lifting her arm and forensically examining the plaster. “Anna’s making such good progress, Mary feels confident to actually go home for a bit.”

“She needs… sleep... and rest.” Anna whispered.

“I agree. Mrs. Crook has been baking like a maniac ready for her arrival back home. And she’s not forgotten you either, Anna.” Claire dived into her bag and brought out several large Tupperware boxes. “Chocolate brownies and chocolate chip shortbread. I’m sure if you don’t want them, the nurses and doctors will be keen to take them off your hands. Especially the night shift, they’re always desperate for sweet treats to keep them going.”

“Ah, I’d better be heading meself. I jes’ dropped in on ma way tae visit with Murtagh and Jocasta. Look after yerself, Anna. Good tae see ye lookin’ so bright. Quite like yer old self. And sorry about the flowers. I’ll make sure tae give ye some when ye come home.” Jamie bent down and kissed Anna’s cheek.

Claire busied herself rearranging the items on the bedside table.

“Claire, John. Bye fer now. John, I’ll be in touch about goin’ fer that drink.”

**********

Claire let Mary sit in the front seat of John’s Mini on the way back to Glasgow. Rearranging her legs to fit somehow in the small space available, she closed her eyes and let the conversation drift over her.

“Anna is doing remarkably well,” John remarked.

“I know.” Mary sounded tired but elated. “Mummy and Daddy felt confident enough to go home for a couple of days. Doctors are all so pleased with her progress. We’ll all be back to see her moved into the rehab ward. Then that’s one step closer to her coming home.”

“It was nice of Jamie to come to see Anna,” Mary added, looking at the large bunch of flowers in her lap.

“He feels in some way responsible, you know, for the accident.” John kept his eyes on the road. “He thinks he should have gone down the stairs in front, made her hold onto him. He was upset when I spoke to him the next day… quite agitated.”

Claire tried to keep her breathing steady as she felt her stomach lurch at John’s statement. So, added to Jamie’s feelings of responsibility for the accident, there would also be his guilt at their night together, no doubt viewed by Jamie as a betrayal of Anna. Little wonder he sounded agitated to John.

Unbidden, the memories of that night crowded Claire’s mind… their bodies instinctively seeking comfort together, rekindling long remembered sensations and emotions...

“You have to move forward… whatever it is, you need to let go.” Claire remembered Frank’s parting words and realised he was right. She knew she had to move forward. She realised that would never happen here in Glasgow. Jamie would be there, maybe just around this corner, perhaps sitting in that coffee shop, always on the periphery of her mind. While there was a chance she could meet him, talk to him, reach out and touch him, she would never be able to let go. And if… when… she saw him in a relationship, she knew that would be more than she could bear.

Over the years, Claire had been approached by other hospitals, keen to appoint a surgeon of her calibre. She had a network of contacts forged through medical conferences and online professional discussions. There would be opportunities for her in other cities, perhaps in England or perhaps, ironically, it would be her turn to move abroad. She had to take action and make that break.

*************

Claire lightly knocked on the door to Mrs. Fitz’s office. When she heard no answer, she opened the door and stepped inside. Mrs. Fitz was clearly in work, her coat was neatly hanging behind the door, her shopping bag lined up next to her desk. She knew she should have called first, rather than just dropping by unannounced, but she really wanted to talk to Mrs. Fitz and discuss the possibility of moving away.

Claire turned around and started to leave when she heard a noise from her Uncle’s office next door.

“Mrs. Fitz… Uncle… hello?”

She moved to the door connecting the two offices and paused, waiting for a response. The office was silent.

Claire pushed the door open and looked into Lamb’s office.

A young woman was standing next to her uncle’s desk, a small clay pot in her hands. She placed the pot on the pile of papers next to her and smiled at Claire.

“Hi, I’m Malva. Professor Beauchamp’s grad student.”

“Hello, Malva. I’m Professor Beauchamp’s niece, Claire.”

Malva smiled. “Oh, I’ve heard a lot about you. Your uncle is verra proud of you.”

Claire returned the smile politely and looked around, a little bit surprised that Malva was here in Lamb’s office on her own. “Is Mrs. Fitz here, or my uncle?”

“No, I think Mrs. Fitz has gone over to the Finance department and the prof is in the library… er... I’m...er... here tae find a chapter of ma dissertation. He’s been… er… proofreading it fer me, red pen, that kind of thing. I thought he’d left it on his desk, but… er... I canna seem to find it. Ah, well, never mind, I’ll have tae wait ‘til I see him later.”

Malva started to walk towards Claire, still in the doorway, encouraging Claire to turn and leave. Claire made to step back into Mrs. Fitz’s office, but hesitated. Something in Malva’s manner did not seem quite right… the reason for her being there was a bit flimsy… and she was a little too keen to shepherd Claire out of the way. Malva’s eyes flicked instinctively to the corner of the office, hidden from Claire’s view by the door.

Claire caught the glance and stepped fully into Lamb’s office, shutting the door behind her. As she looked around the room, Malva took advantage and slipped out through the same door. The door behind which someone had been standing, hiding. Someone who Claire recognised instantly… Frank.

“Claire,” he began warmly. “How nice to see you, and what a surprise you showing up now.”

“Why a surprise? He’s my uncle. I do like to visit him, you know. What are you doing here?”

“Well, I just came over from my office to see him too, but his grad student… Mar… Mel…”

“Malva.”

“Yes, right, good, she told me that he was not here. I was just about to go, when you arrived and… er… I got caught behind the door.”

“So you weren’t hiding, then?”

“Hiding? No… really… why would I do that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you didn’t want to see me, after how we left things.”

Was it Claire’s imagination, or did a small sigh of relief escape Frank’s lips? She moved over to the large, battered desk in the middle of the room and leant against it. Her fingers traced over the familiar artefacts sitting on the desk, accumulated over years of travel - the blue evil eye amulet, the copper coffee beaker, the intricately carved wooden box. She paused and looked at the box, where Lamb kept the keys to his filing cabinets and cupboards. It was empty.

Claire looked across at Frank, noticing, for the first time, the document wallet and notebook clutched to his side.

“Frank, what are you really doing here?”

“I borrowed some articles from your uncle… er… I was just returning them.” He lifted the document wallet slightly.

Claire held out her hand. “Well, I can give them back to him… you could have left them with Mrs. Fitz, or Malva. You didn’t have to come into his office.”

Frank hesitated. “That’s ok. I can come back when he’s around.”

“What’s the problem, Frank? Don’t you trust me to give them to him?”

An idea started to form in her head. “Uncle Lamb didn’t lend you anything, did he?”

Frank gave no reply.

“You were here uninvited, going through his stuff. Years and years of research material.”

“No, I…”

“Your book… you’ve never done any field work. You told me so yourself. Are you thinking you can use someone else’s hard work and dedication? Pass it off as your own? Plagiarise?”

“I would never… please...”

“And Malva agreed to help you. What for? Co-credit on the book?”

Claire’s stomach lurched unpleasantly as another thought crept into her mind. “Did you know who I was at that party? You said you recognised me. Is that why you went out with me?”

“Claire, please believe me… I did recognise you, but that’s not why I came to talk to you…” Frank held his hands out to Claire. “I wanted to, still want to, go out with you.”

“All that interest in my growing up with Lamb, places I’d visited with him… was that all for your book?” Claire kept her voice low, controlled. Her anger at being used was there, just below the surface but kept in check. “Tell me the truth, Frank. I want honesty.”

“No, Claire, I wanted to learn about you. You’re a fascinating woman. I thought we could have had something special. Still think that, too.” Frank took a step closer to Claire.

“So you weren’t going to use any of what I told you in your book?”

Frank hesitated for a second before responding. “No, it was just about you.”

“Why do I not believe you, Frank? You wanted to get to Lamb’s research through me, and when that didn’t happen you started working with Malva. I’m sure she was keen to be involved with a potential author. May be even television? Is that what you promised her?”

“I…”

“Spare me any excuses. I really can’t be bothered listening to you any more.”

Claire moved to the door and held her hand out. “Document wallet and notebook, please.”

With some reluctance, he deposited them in her hand. “The sad thing is, Frank, if you’d have gone directly to my uncle, I’m sure he would have listened, offered to help you. Instead you sneak about in an underhanded way. Don’t worry, I’ll let him know exactly what’s gone on, as well as Malva’s role in this.”

Claire’s stood and waited as Frank stepped out of the office. “Goodbye Frank”.

#outlander fanfic #outlander fan fiction #Letting Go #chapter 12 #Jamie Fraser #Claire Beauchamp

[strangenormal]

Cherry Bomb Part 5

Summary: You were Billy’s best friend when he lived in California. You lost touch not by choice. You never took the chance to share your feelings before he left. Will you take the chance now that you followed him all the way to Hawkins?

Billy x Reader/ POSSIBLE Steve x Reader

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters featured in strange things. Story will contain mature content as it progresses. Requester open & hope you enjoy. Image credit to original poster.

Warnings: Minor foul language

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 Part 4

Flashback Episode (Billy is 11 & y/n is 12)

You were walking home from school when you saw a little boy poking something on the ground with a stick. You walked up to investigate and saw he was ever so lightly poking a bird that appeared to be unable to fly.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!” you asked as you lightly shoved the boy away from the bird.

“I was just seeing if he was still alive,” the boy responded.

You pulled a small towel out of your backpack you always had with you just in case. You lightly wrapped the bird in the towel before picking it up and starting to walk to your vet’s office. The little boy stood there looking at you like you were crazy. It took a moment to snap out of his thoughts before he started to rush after to follow you.

“Hey! Where you going with it?” He was walking beside you now.

“I’m taking it to the vet’s office. I bring little animals to him all the time. He mends them and then I take them home for them to heal.”

“Can I come?”

You stopped to actually look at the little boy standing before you. He had dirty blonde hair and REALLY blue eyes. They reminded you of the ocean on a summer’s day. He held himself in a somewhat timid way, but still looked you right in the eye. You placed your hand out in greeting.

“My name’s y/n. And yours is?”

He smiled slightly before he shook your hand in his, “Billy.”

“Can you keep a secret Billy?”

“Of course.”

“Then you can come.” You started walking again and he walked right along side you.

You both walked silently, the only words were spoken were you softly assuring the bird they’d be better in no time. You arrived at your vet’s office and he looked at you as if he was expecting you to show.

“And what do you have for me today y/n?” He asked as he stopped down to be more eye level with the bird.

“Billy found him and was poking him with a stick. So I brought it here. I think its wing is broken.”

“I was only poking it to see if it was still alive. My mom told me not to just touch wild birds, they carry diseases.” He replied somewhat defensively.

“I know that, why do you think I wrapped it in a towel? It’s also easier to carry him that way.”

“Ok y/n. No need to get on his case. I’ll take a look at him, reset his wing, and you can pick him up tomorrow, ok?”

“Ok Doc. Thanks!” You take Billy’s hand in yours and start to leave the clinic smiling with a wave behind you at the doctor.

It wasn’t until you made it back to the sidewalk that you noticed you were still handing Billy’s hand. The hand which he was staring at being held in a girl’s hand. He had never had a girl be so direct with him.

“Come on Billy, it’s not like I got cooties or something.”

***Flashforward (Billy is 13 and y/n is 14)***

You couldn’t believe she was gone. She was like a mother to you, an even better mother than your stepmom had been the past few years. You had no idea how Billy was going to get through this, but you knew you’d always be there for him. You found him hiding in your shed holding one of the rabbits you two had found and were taking care of.  You didn’t say anything, but sat next to your best friend. What do you say to someone who lost their mom? Hardly anything anyone said to you did any good at taking the pain away. It was your Aunt who just sat with you ‘til you cried and couldn’t cry anymore that helped the most. You placed an arm over Billy’s shoulder pulling him closer to you and the dam broke. You kissed his forehead and rubbed your other hand up and down his arm that held the rabbit to him. It wasn’t until the rabbit started to squirm from getting wet by his tears that you dared move and remove it back to its cage. As soon as you sat back down Billy wrapped himself around you instead and continued to cry.

“If I didn’t get hurt playing with guys…she wouldn’t have needed to pick me up…and she wouldn’t have…she wouldn’t have been hit-“

“Hey, Billy, stop.” You lifted his head to look at you. It was only then you saw the welt on his cheek and a bruise starting to form under his eye. “What happened Billy?” He only shook his head and buried it in the crook of your neck to sob even more. You held him tighter and closer, “This is NOT your fault Billy. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. Your mom loves- loves you and went to pick you up because of that. It’s not your fault that Al can’t drink at home and not drive. Don’t you dare put this on yourself Billy. I won’t let you.”

It was after the funeral that he started showing up with random bruises and was out of school more often. Days he didn’t show up at class, you’d sneak into his room. Sometimes he wouldn’t let you in, but you found one of his house windows never locked and would sneak in anyways despite his protests of telling you to just go home. You stayed best friends until he turned 16 and started dating a bunch of floozies.  He stopped spending time with you as often, but you two always kept your tradition of having every Sunday night to just the two of you. That’s when Bobby came into the picture. He was the star quarter back of your high school and yet somehow the “Dr. Doolittle” of the school caught his eye. Him and Billy did NOT get along and thus another wedge between the two of you. He tried telling you Bobby was a prick, that you deserved better, but you ignored him. He wasn’t dropping any floozy you said was no good, so why would you drop the guy who gave you all of his attention? Although you were about a year and a month apart in age, you always celebrated together and had a joint party. He was turning 17 and you 18 that you had a turning point in your relationship and not a very good one. Him and Bobby had gotten into a fight that broke up the party due to the cops being called. You were livid. It was your 18th birthday party and your boyfriend and best friends ruined it because they couldn’t play nice for even a few hours. You hadn’t even gotten to exchange your gifts yet and you really wanted to give him his.

You were about to go to bed when you heard a tapping on your window. You almost ignored it knowing exactly who it was and not really wanting to talk to him at the moment. You waited before turning towards your window only to have him be nowhere to be found. Before you could open your window, the doorbell rang. It was already midnight and you knew your step mom would be more than pissed at you for the intrusion on her “beauty sleep.” *gag*

She made it to the door before you in a huff in her nightgown starting to rant about a lady needing her beauty sleep only to stop once seeing Billy in your doorway. His eyes flicked to you down the hall and your step mom started to turn, but Billy was quick to lay out his charms. Telling her she didn’t need any sleep to be beautiful blah, blah, blah. She was dating it up like it was served on a silver platter.

“I really am sorry to intrude, but y/n left this evening before I could give her her gift and I’d really hate to break tradition. I’m sure a smart, beautiful woman such as yourself can understand and would be so kind as to let me see y/n for a brief moment.”

She was contemplating and he bit his lower lip as he tilted his head down to look at her through his lashes. You could see it worked as she became flustered and allowed him in.

“Only for you Billy. But don’t let her dad find out if else we’ll both in be in trouble and I’m not sure what kind of…punishment would be in store.”

You watched him try not to grimace at her antics as he thanked her and kissed her hand before beelining for you and your room.

He shut the door as soon as he got inside and braced himself against it as if afraid she’d bust through and have her way with him.

“Have you NO shame?” You stood in front of him with your arms crossed over your chest as you slightly glared at him.

He only smirked at you as he rolled his tongue across his lower lip. You noticed now he had a cut on his left cheek and a bruise starting to form from his fight with Bobby. You couldn’t help but reach for his face and his hand caught yours as he looked at you with absolute seriousness in his eyes.

“There’s very little I wouldn’t do for you y/n.“ 

And you felt a jerk in your insides at his remark and the look he was giving you. He started to close the distance between you, but you panicked and spoke up.

“You uh… said you had my present." 

He stopped and looked at you with a brief look of pain before he replaced it with a not so confident smirk on his face.

"Uh… yeah… yeah I do.” He took a small book out of his back pocket.

You opened it to find a photo album with photos of the 2 of you from over the years and some of the letters you wrote back and forth. You also found a small mix tape labeled “Remember Me”

“Remember Me?… You going somewhere?” You half laughed your question, but when he didn’t respond you looked up at him, he was looking down with a sudden interest in his shoes.

You moved closer to him and lifted his chin to look at you. He had a small trail of tears already finding your answer you only wrapped him in your arms as you yourself began to cry. What were going to do without your best friend being around anymore?

You waited a few minutes before parting slightly to look at him, “When do you leave?”

“Next week…”

“WHAT?! When were you going to tell me?! As you were driving off?! How long have you known?!”

“My dad announced the move a couple of days ago. He’s making us leave rather suddenly…”

“Does this have to do with Mrs. Jenkins getting suspicious of how your dad treats you? Or the suspension you got for your last fight? Or-“

“It doesn’t matter y/n. I’m not an adult, I have no say in the matter and we’re leaving.”

You sniffled a little and tugged at his hand for him to lay with you in your bed as you each laid facing each other.

“Where is he moving you to?”

“Hawkins, Indiana.”

“Fuck, that’s so far away.” You felt more tears wanting to burst, but tried to hold yourself together.

He pushed some hair behind your ear and cupped your face. “I know, but we can write to each other, call each other, and as soon as I turn 18, I’m coming back to Cali.”

You were worried he might not even survive that long. His dad was starting to get worse again and then Billy started taking it out on Max. You liked the young girl. You two would skateboard together and she loved helping you guys take care of all your little creatures. But now you wouldn’t be around for Billy to run to and have someone be a buffer between him and Max.

“Hey…” He broke you from your thoughts. “Everything will be ok. It’s only for a little while and then I’ll be back… Just don’t do anything stupid like get married before I do.”

You could only scoff at his ludicrous idea that you would get married. You did care for Bobby and enjoyed your time with him, but you didn’t feel that you loved him. Someone else got your heart racing faster, skin electrified with a single touch more than Bobby ever did. And now he was leaving. You leaned in and kissed his cheek and then his forehead.

“I won’t get married if you behave rebel.”

It was his turn to scoff at you.

“I have a gift for you too.” You rolled over to get his gift out of your nightstand.

You both stayed lying down as he opened the small box. He pulled the chain out and the pendant swung at the bottom of the loop.

His eyes instantly flushed with tears as he looked at it before looking at you and then back to the necklace as if not believing he really held it in his hands.

“Where did you get this?” He sat up as he took a closer look at the pendant.

You brushed away his tears with the pads of your thumbs. “I have my ways. Don’t worry about it. Your mom wanted you to have it and I wasn’t about to let that ass hole keep it away from you.” You turned around to grab something else out of your drawer. You placed an envelope in his hands and he dropped it recognizing the handwriting on the top. He stared at the envelope for a short time before picking it back up and holding it delicately.

“You don’t have to open it now. I just found it in the same place as the pendant.”

He stuffed the envelope in his coat pocket not ready to read it.

You gently took the necklace from his grip, “I put it on a more ‘manly’ chain for you. I know you have a reputation to protect. But I know that she wanted you to have this and it means a lot to you.” You placed the necklace around his neck and he stared down at it before looking back up at you with that indescribable appearance in his eyes from just little bit ago.

“Thank you y/n. This means so much to me. Thank you.”

You both fell asleep tucked together enjoying one of the last nights you’d have together.

The next week you were helping to pile some boxes into his car with as many as possible.

“I think that’s the last of it.” You shuffled over to him with your hands in your back pockets.

He pulled you into a hug and a placed a kiss on your head. He held you close for a few moments before he dug into his pocket.

“This is for you.” He held up the other dangling spear head earing to his set.

“But what if you lose the other one?”

“I’ll just have to be extra careful not to, now won’t I?” He smirked down at you before he moved your hair back taking out the stud you had in your ear to place his earing in the hole instead.

You fluffed your hair a little, but kept it behind your ear to show off the new accessory.

“What do you think?”

“Now you look like a punk girl.”

“Oh, because my style and hair didn’t already say that?”

“Eh, now it’s no question.”

“Whatever you say rebel.”

“Remember that princess.”

Both your faces fell at the realization this would be the last time you would see each other for awhile. Neither would admit could be the last time either, but you could never allow yourself to believe that. You both put each other into a tight embrace.

“You take care of yourself princess.”

“You too Rebel. I’ll miss you.”

You held onto him tighter not wanting to let go, but he had to break your embrace. He placed another lingering kiss to your forehead before rushing into his car and taking off after his dad’s car and the moving truck.

#billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine #stranger things fanfiction

[burgeonmeraki]

20 Random Things You Don’t Know About Me

Hi guys! I thought I would do something a little fun, humiliating (LOL), and different on my blog today and share 20 things you might not know about me. I get it. As a reader, I, too, love learning a bit more about the people I read. So here goes!

1. I have this weird habit where I want my feet warm especially at night before I go to sleep. I usually put some lotion on it and then put my socks on. And if there are no socks, I put a pillow under my feet, like I'm a mermaid LOL. Weird, I know! But it prevents me from having leg cramps in the morning. 

That is my trophy for the singing contest. This picture was taken 2010, and I couldn’t find my trophy anymore so deal with that picture. Just kiddin’ 

2. I won first place at a singing contest at a talent show back when I was in kindergarten. I sang this 90s hit song My Heart Will Go On By Celine Dion. And I believe that if my parents put me or enrolled me in a voice lesson, girl, I could've been a singer today, and I might be joining singing contest like The Voice. But I only do the singing thing at the shower and karaoke. Hahaha

Left Pic: My oldest brother wasn’t there because he was working abroad Right Pic: My oldest sister is living in Canada, and my older brother is living in South Korea. My mom was holding her phone because that's them on the videocall.

3. I was supposed to have six siblings so that would make us a total of seven. I had an oldest sister, supposed to be the second child, who died because of some complications in her heart when she was still a newborn. Next is my Ate Jaz, which makes her my oldest sister alive. Then after Ate Jaz, my mom had a miscarriage. Basically, my Ate was in between two dead babies. And if ever my two siblings were alive today, I might not be here or I probably don't exist. I have such a huge age gap with my siblings because my mom had me at the age of 38, and she said that I was her only child who made her pregnancy and giving birth so hard. I was born via C-Section and the rest of my siblings were all delivered normal. So, lucky me for being here! LOL

My collection of Candy Magazine back in High School.

4.  Back in High School, I used to collect Candy Magazine until first-year college. This magazine helped me with all my teenage issues like self-esteem, body image, peer pressure, beauty, fashion, dating, friendship, career, etc. They have a bunch of articles there that I enjoyed reading. And I've always wanted to be one of their models, but I was an ugly duckling, and I'm not the confident type of girl back then. I still kept these magazines inside my sentimental box. 

This is my box full of photos, letters, diaries, and other stuff.

5. Speaking of the sentimental box, I'm a very sentimental person. I have boxes of stuff from my friends, family, and ex-boyfriends. I kept this stuff for good memories purposes because I like reminiscing good memories. It reminds me of these real moments that I was once shared with these people, and it's like my return ticket to that memories, whether it's funny, romantic, or sad. Plus good times need to be remembered. They need to celebrate and felt. You know, we're not getting any younger anymore, time will come that a part of our brain might forget those memories. So keeping pictures, letters, and diaries is one way to keep those memories alive.

These are my IDs from the Youth Camp Fellowship.

6. I used to be active in Church back when I was in High School. I even joined the Music Ministry and tried to learn how to play the piano. I went to a few Youth Camp Fellowship and met a lot of people, and it was fun. The reason why I became so active in Church because I had a crush on our drummer guy (he’s my first kiss). Yuck! LOL

Love Me Like You Do By Ellie Goulding (Short Clip) / Stay By Rihanna (Cover)

7. As I was saying on number 6, I used to play the piano before. They made us choose a musical instrument that we want to play, and I was supposedly gonna go for drums because it's cool, plus I used to listen to a lot of rock bands back then, but I didn't choose it because my crush is going to be the one who's going to teach us, and I was shy, so I end up with piano. I actually tried learning how to play the guitar but you got to have callouses on your fingers in order to play it well because it freaking hurts girl! Hehe

8. Okay, let's talk about Puppy Love. When I was in grade school, I have a crush on this guy who's like 3 years older than me, and he's our neighbor. When I got into 6th grade, he started noticing me, and we became, I don't know, together? Like boyfriend and girlfriend? Haha. But since I'm a shy type kind of girl, I was having a hard time talking to him without blushing, I couldn't even let him hold my hands, or hug me, or kiss me. None of that happened. So we write letters to each other (cellphone is not a thing at that time). I know it's all cheesy and mushy and all, but anyways. I asked my niece to be our messenger haha. So I will give the letter to her, and she will give it to him, and then vice versa. Okay, so this is the funny part!! My niece left my goddamn letter for him at our dining table! And my sister and brother read the whole thing. I was so annoyed at my niece. My siblings were like mad at me for having a boyfriend at such a young age because you know, I'm their little sister, and little sissy is not allowed to have a boyfriend LOL. And then they threatened me that they're going to tell it to my mom, so I broke up with him after a week using a letter haha. We kept in touch til I got into High School. I think we went out before, we watch a movie but I brought a chaperone with me. HAHA we didn’t end up together because he’s such a playboy. FYI: I don't count him as my ex-boyfriend. LOL

9. I had a puppy named Mocha because she’s dark brown and it suits her. She’s a shih tzu and she’s the cutest puppy in the world but she died because she got sick. I miss her so much! :(

Snorkeling at Coron, Palawan.

10. I love going to the beach. I love swimming! My mom’s sister owns a beach resort and it was just an hour away from our place. We always go there every summer, and that’s where I learned how to swim, not in the swimming pool, but in the ocean. I was supposedly going to be a swimmer. My 4th grade teacher trained me, and he trained other students in other sports like badminton and volleyball, and they joined sports competition, and they win medals. So I got very interested because I want to win medals too. So I did my training but I was having a hard time to dive. I know I'm doing it wrong because the water kept going inside my nose and it freaking hurts. So I stopped and quit the training because I couldn't do it properly. Haha

I think I was in 3rd Grade in here. Lol

11. I joined Girl Scout back in grade school. I can't remember why I joined. All I know is I am going to have a lot of fun in here. And that was my first camping experience. We camped out at our school, and yeah, it was fun and scary at the same time because there are lots of ghost stories in our school. Our motto: "Girl Scouts are always ready and prepared.” 

I also joined Drum & Bugle. I was a Majorette, the one who throws the baton in the air and twirls it. I just love to dance back then, and nope, I'm not a professional dancer. It's just that life is better when you dance! :)

Junior Year High School. Cheer Dance Competition during our Intramurals Day. 

12. When I got into High School, I've always wanted to join Cheer Dance Competition since I was in my freshman year. But most of the girls in my school back then were all pretty and mean. I only joined when I was in my junior year, and we won 2nd place. I'm really not a good dancer, but I know I've got moves. I just don't know what happened today LOL. I'm one of those girls who they always lift and toss because obviously in the picture I'm thin as a rake haha. Then I tried joining again in College, and I got into an accident. I freaking fell flat on my back while we're doing our pyramid stunt and no one's there to catch me. Ouchie! I'm on the second level, standing on my right leg at this guy's shoulder, and then my left leg was angled and lifted because on the third level, a girl's going to stand on my left thigh. She was scared and not keeping her balance well so she dragged me backward with her. Someone caught her and none for me because the way I go down the pyramid is by jumping in front. Our coach didn't see that coming and I thought I am gonna go home with broken hips.

Left to Right: Elementary Graduation Day; Sophomore Year in College; Junior Year - wearing retainer; Retainer and Braces Free 

13. I first had my braces when I was in 6th grade because my sister got one, so I want one too LOL. I had it for a very long time. Since I got it at such a young age, my teeth were not complete yet. And based on my x-ray, I've got several impacted wisdom tooth that's going to come out so my doctor waited for it. I only got it removed when I was in my 3rd-year college. So I had my braces for 7 years. HAHA

14. I can’t whistle. I tried. I don’t know how to. I can’t do it. PERIOD

Cupcake Nail Art, Cheetah Print Nail Art, Polka Dots Nail Art

15. I love doing my nail art from when I was in High School to College. I don't like my nails plain and simple back then, so I put a design on it and make it fun. I'm always into art and being creative. Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun. So my parents saw that potential in me, and they made me choose Architecture as my profession.

These are my high school arts that I saw on my facebook LOL.

Circa 2015. Photographed By: Iks Virina

16. I'm not a morning person. I hate waking up so early. I only wake up so early if I have important errands to run or if I have to go to work. I love sleeping during the day and staying up during the night. I'm a night owl. There's something about being up at night that makes it more peaceful to work and think. Most of my creative juices come out during the night. And I've read that night owls have better mental alertness than early risers. I don't need caffeine to keep me up at night. LOL

Circa 2015. Photographed By: Iks Virina

17. I'm not a coffee person. Don't get me wrong, I love the smell of coffee. It's just that the coffee doesn't like me at all. Every time I drink coffee, especially those with high caffeine like espresso, I end up palpitating and having heartburn. I can drink it but not too much, and sometimes I preferred Frappuccino. I'm more of a tea person. I love chamomile and red berries flavors.

FEU I.D. vs BPSU I.D.

18. I went to two schools back in College. When I was in my senior year in High School, I didn't really plan my college life. I have no idea what school I am going to attend. I only know was my mom wants me to take up Architecture even though I don't want to. So yeah, I end up going to Far Eastern University for 2 years. Then, my Dad, he was working abroad in Libya, and there was a war at that time in the Middle East. So they had to go home and stopped working. We have no income, we had financial issues, and that's when I decided to return home and study in my hometown, get a scholarship because I have no choice. I was in college for 6 years, supposedly 5 years only but I had to retake some of my subjects that I already took up in my previous school because the school didn't credit it.

Back in 2015, I tried to dress up like Blair Waldorf. She loves wearing headband hehe

19. My favorite show of all time is Gossip Girl. It's like the first rated r tv shows that I really got hooked up and fall in love with. It's the reason why I've always wanted to go to New York. I have watched this already a few times, and it doesn't get old. I love Serena Van Der Woodsen (Blake Lively), her style, and the way she carries her clothes. She's this free-spirited, charming, nice, laidback IT GIRL. And then Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) aside from her classy, preppy style, I like her domineering and loyal personality. Plus her romantic on and off love affair with Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick). But my biggest crush on this show is Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford), oh god I love his eyes, it's so sexy! HAHA

Sandbox Adventure at Pampanga; Bike Trailing and Wakeboarding at Nuvali, Laguna; and Skimboarding at Boracay

20. I love some good adventure. I have this bucket list of things to do before I die, and I want to fulfill that. Like traveling the whole world, plus I want to go skydiving or bungee jumping. Aside from that, you're just not creating memories, you're also trying new things. And I'm always up for trying new things, and I like challenging myself sometimes. Life is boring if you don't at least try or go out of your comfort zone. Just try new things once in a while, and don't be afraid to soar high.

What’s something random about you? And if you make a post, share it below. Thank you so much for dropping by!

Love Lots, Jamie

#lifestyle

[helloelizabethsmithposts]

THE GLORY OF GODHEAD-YAHWEH&YESHUA[MIRACULOUS POWER FREED THE UNIQUE ONE[ELIZABETH L.SMITH CONSECRATED TO GOD'S LIGHT]

Ni Ha Ma, Annyeong Haseyo, And Ohayo Everyone, Or Good Morning Everyone Around The World!!! PRAISING OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST OUR KING OF GLORY DAILY, AND ALWAYS FOR THE LIFESTYLE HE[YESHUA] LIVED IN THE NEW TESTAMENT IN THE HOLY BIBLE!!! SHOOO, YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL,LOVING,PEACEFUL, AND VERY GRACEFUL HEART I KNOW, MY LOVING VERY PRECIOUS LORD AND SAVIOR LORD JESUS CHRIST, KING OF KINGS, LORD OF LORDS, AND PRINCE OF PEACE, YOUR ARE OH VERY,VERY,VERY,AND VERY PRECIOUS, DEARLY BELOVED TO BOAZ AND I.... FOR UNDERSTANDING OUR HEARTS, AND HELPING US TO HELP OUR BRAVE, LOVING,AND COURAGEOUS BRETHREN AROUND THE WORLD... IT'S VERY IMPERATIVE EVERYONE WHO IS A CHILD OF GODHEAD, NO MATTER WHAT RACE YOU ARE, WE MUST SEEK GODHEAD WHOLEHEARTEDLY, EACH AND EVERYDAY FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE WE TRULY LOVE!!! WE MUST SHOW OUR ADVERSARIES[THE DISOBEDIENT BASTARDS], THAT IT IS GOD ALONE WE SERVE AND KEEP FIRST, BEFORE OUR FACE, EVERY SECOND,EVERY MINUTE, AND EVERY HOUR OF OUR DAY!!!! I MUST ADMIT THIS FACT, THE ONLY REASON, OUR RECORDS WHERE LIED ON,IT WAS A TRICK OF THE ENEMY LU THE FALLEN CHERIUB CREW DID THIS DAMAGES!!! KNOWING THESE THINGS, I WAS TARGETED THROUGH THE YEARS, CAUSING ME TO BE HOSPITALIZED, AND SENT TO DEVILISH HOSPITALS, JUST RECENTLY FATHER GOD REMINDED ME OF THE MINISTERING ANGEL THAT ASKED ME THE 1 TIME IN GRADY HOSPITAL IN ATLANTA GA, A DOCTOR WITH A UNIQUE NAME ASKED ME IF YOUR CHARACTER IS REALLY LIKE THIS, WHAT IS SOMEONE LIKE YOU DOING HERE? THAT WAS THE 2 TIME A PERSON SAID THAT TO ME, BECAUSE THE VERY 1 TIME WAS GODHEAD THE TRINITY USED A LADY FROM THE CLUB, WHEN I WENT WITH A CERTAIN CREW, SHE ASKED ME WHAT IS A PERSON LIKE YOU DOING IN A PLACE LIKE THIS? I NEVER WENT BACK TO THE CLUB NO MORE... OH OUR VERY DEAR, AND PRECIOUS FAMILY'S OF GODHEAD AROUND THE WORLD, WE TRULY NEVER INTENDED THINGS TO GET THIS FAR OUT OF HAND... BUT BECAUSE THOSE BASTARDS REVOLTED ON US WILLINGLY, AND SELFISHLY DENYING THE TRUE POWER OF GODHEAD IN AND ON A HOLY VESSELS LIFE, WANTING THINGS THAT WHERE NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH!!!! GODHEAD APPOINTED ME PERSONALLY, CAUSE I REQUESTED THIS IN 2003 BEFORE 18, CAUSE I SAW THROUGH THE CRAP, AND TRAPS OF PEOPLE SAYING CONDOLENCES WE ARE SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ALL!!! BUT I WAS HAPPY FATHER GOD GOT MY HAND QUICKLY, CAUSE I HAD THIS ONE MIND SET, WHICH WAS IF YOUR ASS SAID THAT ONE MORE DAMN TIME TO ME, I WAS GOING TO SHOW YOU PERSONALLY HOW I REALLY FELT, IN MISSING MY BROTHER AND SISTER, THEN DEALING WITH WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FAMILY'S OF OTHERS FROM 9/11... I WAS HIS QUEEN THAT ONLY BECAME LOYAL IN TRUSTING GODHEAD IN EVERYTHING, AND EVERYWAY!!!! I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T TRUST MANKIND NO MORE, CAUSE TO SELFISHLY MAKE THINGS HARDER ON US RIGHTEOUS HEIRS, JUST BECAUSE WE OBEY AND OUR LIFESTYLE, RESEMBLES OUR ELDER BROTHER ALPHA AND OMEGA=LORD JESUS CHRIST!!! THE WICKED WAS TOO SORRY TO DO ANYTHING FOR THEIRSELVES, THIS IS WHY IN THE HOLY BIBLE GODHEAD TOLD US NOT TO BE UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH AN UNBELIEVER& TO SEPARATE FROM THE COVETOUS CREW[LUSTFUL=CARNAL MINDED]!!! DEUTERONOMY 7 &GALATIANS 5 TOLD YOU ALL AROUND THE WORLD, WHO WE AS JOINT-HEIRS WITH OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST OUR KING OF GLORY SHOULD ASSOCIATE WITH!!!! GOOD COMPANY IS ALWAYS BETTER TO HANG AROUND WITH, INSTEAD OF BAD COMPANY!!!! NOW ANGELS OF THE HOST OF HEAVEN HEAR ME THIS DAY I QUEEN ELIZABETH L. SMITH, GODHEAD DAUGHTER, I'M FED UP NOW WITH ALL OF THE WEED AND TARES IN AND UNDER THIS WORLD, DOING THINGS THAT'S FORBIDDEN PERIOD. IT IS NOT ALLOWED ANYMORE FOR THEM TO BE IN NO OFFICE'S CAUSING TROUBLE FOR HAPPY HOMES AROUND THE WORLD, JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE A CERTAIN ETHINIC, WE DIDN'T PUT YOU BASTARDS INTO THESE POSITIONS TO MAKE THINGS HARD ON US, AND TO DECEIVE THE INNOCENT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS... I KNOW NOW WHY THAT COP IN 3RD GRADE LOOKED AT ME, AND SAID SOMEONE REALLY TRAINED YOU, VERY GOOD... AMERICA WHY DO WE REALLY HAVE COPS IN THIS WORLD, WHO SUPPOSE TO D.A.R.E= DRUG ABUSE RESISTANCE EDUCATION PROGRAMS. BUT IN THESE DAYS YOU ALL ASSIST IN USING DRUGS BEHIND THE SENCE, WALKING AND TALKING IN THE YIN YANG LIFESTYLE. MY FAMILY REVEALED THESE TRUE THINGS TO ME IN 2008 BATTLE IN FEBRUARY OF THE YEAR I WAS JUST 22YDS! SO YES INDEED WE REALLY HAVE PROBLEMS, WITH YOU ALL LIVING IN BLACK AND WHITE/ YOU SCALING FENCE BASTARDS OR SHOULD I SAY DR.JEKEL& AND MRS.HYDE!!! THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF SODOM AND GOMORRAH MINDSET[YOU WHERE MADE MAN,BUT YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN, YOU WHERE MADE WOMAN,BUT YOU WANT TO BE A MAN=REPROBATE MIND, YOU ALL MADE YOURSELVES THINK THAT WAY FOR SO LONG,THAT IT SHOWS THESE DAYS!!!! MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT, I'M ALL WOMAN AND BOAZ IS ALL MAN, BUT BECAUSE I WAS SHORT, AND MY EYES LOOKED REGIONAL ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE, FATHER GOD GOT ME AT THE AGE OF 3, BECAUSE I WAS TIRED OF GOING INTO STORES, AND GETTING BLAMED OF STEALING, AND I WOULD JUST CRY, TIL GODHEAD HAD MY BROTHER TO ASK ME THAT QUESTION??? THEN I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THIS AFTER ALL OF THESE YEARS, GOD KNEW MY HEART HAS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE WITH HIM-ELOHIM, CAUSE I HATE LIES JUST LIKE MY DADDY DOES!!! IT SUCKS, TO KNOW THAT THESE INFIDELS, HAS MESSED UP EVERYTHING AND NOW WE HAVE TO FIX THIS MESSED THESE DAMN BASTARDS DID!!!! THIS WHOLE EARTH HAS LITERALLY SHOWED AND TOLD BOAZ AND I EVERYTHING, FROM GENESIS 1 TO REVELATION, EVERYBODY IN THIS WORLD IS WITHOUT AN EXCUSE, OF WHY MY FATHER GOD EARTH LOOKS LIKE THIS!!!! SOMEBODY BETTER QUICKLY GET THEIR ASS UP, AND DO WHAT A TRUE LEADER OF RIGHTEOUSNESS DOES, BECAUSE IF NOT AND WE HAVE TO SEE YOU ALL PERSONALLY, OH YOU WILL BE SENT HELL.... NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, I DESPISE ANYONE WHO TALKS LIGHT, BUT LIVES IN DARKNESS!!!! BECAUSE ULTIMATELY YOU ARE SERIOUSLY A CREEPING THING, THAT HAS FORGOTTEN WHY WE KICKED Y'ALL ASS OUT OF HEAVEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! YOU DON'T BLASPHEME MY DAD'S NAME AND THINK, YOU ALL WILL HAVE WEALTH AND RICHES,WHERE WE DO THAT AT? THE HOLY BIBLE SAYS THE WEALTH OF THE SINNERS IS LAID UP FOR THE JUST=RIGHTEOUS RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE!!! WHICH MEANS THE HOLY SCRIPTURES WHEN IT SAID GOD IS ANGRY WITH THE WICKED EVERYDAY, AND HE WILL CUT THE WICKED OFF!!!! THEIR FUNKY ASS GO PLOT WITH EACH OTHER, IN THEIR SECRET MEETINGS SCEHMING WICKEDLY THINKING WE DIDN'T KNOW!!! BUT GUESS WHAT DUMB ASS, WE KNEW IT ALL, JUST WATCHING Y'ALL ASS THIS WHOLE TIME, TO SEE IF Y'ALL WHERE GOING TO ADMIT THE WRONGS YOU ALL COMMITED ALL OF THESE YEARS!!! SHHHHHOOOOO, THEIR WORSE, SLOTHFUL, STUPID,STUBBORN,WASTEFUL, AND STANKY AS HELL WITH THEIR COLDHEARTED ASS!!!! YEAH, REMEMBER MY HUSBAND SAID THE LOVE OF MANY SHALL WAX COLD, GIVING HEED TO DOCTRINE'S OF DEVILS!!!!! BOAZ AND MY INHERITANCE IS NOT Y'ALLS, IT'S OURS, AND SINCE Y'ALL DUMBASS BASTARDS DIDN'T FREELY GIVE IT TO US, YO ANGELS AND TRUE AND VERY POWERFUL KINGDOM OF HEAVEN HOST OF HEAVEN I COMMAND ALL OF THE ANGELS OF LIGHT GO FORTH TAKE EVERYTHING BACK THAT'S OURS, AND OBLIBERATE AND ANNIHILATE OUR ENEMIES OFF OF THIS EARTH, FOR ALL ETERNITY. THIS IS CONSEQUENCES OF REVOLTING ON MY FATHER GOD, AND TRYING TO IMMITATE AND IMMITIDATE US... YALL OLD BLACK ASS BASTARDS, SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT DOCTOR IN THE 2BATTLE DIDN'T LIE, WHEN HE STATED DON'T LET HER RETURN BACK TO KID'S TIME LEARNING ACADEMY #4 IN 2010, I DID SAY WANTED MY FATHER GOD TO DESTROY THEM OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH, I WASN'T PLAYING THIS IS REALLY ME NOW.... THAT SHREW AND FLAWLESS BUSINESS MINDSET GIRL FROM KINDERGARTEN, MY TEACHER MRS.YOUNG KNEW I WAS A BABY GENIUS, SHE JUST WAS WORRIED ABOUT ME CAUSE I WET THE MAT, EVERYTIME I WOULD SLEEP... [ATTENTION PARENTS ALL OVER THE WORLD DO BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT YOU ALL BUY AND BRING INTO YOUR HOUSE, BECAUSE IF YOUR BABIES ARE SENSITIVE, IT WILL CAUSE THEM SLEEPLESS NIGHT'S!!! I HAD TO SLEEP WITH GODHEAD EVERY NIGHT, BECAUSE BEING TORMENTED BY PEOPLE DOING WITCHCRAFT IS NOT RIGHT FOR NO ONE!!! PRAISING THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY CREATOR OF HEAVEN AND THE EARTH FOREVERMORE, MY ABEOJI NEM, FOR DELIVERING ME FROM EVERYTHING, IT MAKES LIFE SO VERY MUCH MORE LIGHT, AND EASY FOR ME THESE DAYS, BUT HONESTLY THOUGH MY HEART REALLY GOES OUT TO BOAZ THOUGH, CAUSE MEN OF GODHEAD REALLY HAVE IT MUCH HARDER ON THEM THAN, US WOMEN, CAUSE THEY HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAP OF MEN NOT WANTING TO CORRECT ANOTHER MAN THAT'S EMBRASSING THE REAL TRUE RIGHTEOUS MEN, CAUSE THEY MAKE EXCUSES SAYING THEY WON'T LISTEN TO YOU!!! THAT'S SOME DAMN GARBAGE AND, Y'ALL SORRY ASS KNOW IT, WE WHERE TOLD BY OUR KING OF GLORY TO HELP OUR BRETHREN OUT, EVEN IF WE HAVE TO REBUKE THEM, IT'S TO TELL YOU THIS, HE [ELOHIM WILL CLASS Y'ALL WITH THE WICKED THESE DAYS, BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE MAKING EXCUSES FOR THE CALF HEARTED BASTARDS [LIVING IDOLS, THAT KNOW GODHEAD HATES ANYTHING LIKE AN IDOL!!!!.] YO 2PAC NEM, BUST ON THEIR DUMBASS, YO RICO NEM CRUSH THEIR ASS, YO MR.MONROE NEM SLEW THEIR ASS OFF THIS EARTH, FOR DISOBEYING ORDERS FROM HIS MAJESTY YAHWEH AND YESHUA!!!!! WE CERTAINLY HAD A VERY BERRY LOVELY TIME, IN THOSE HOSPITAL EVENTS, I WAS ABLE TO FINALLY MEET BOAZ Y'ALL, AND I KNOW WITH ALL OF MY HEART,MIND,AND SOUL FATHER GOD I PROMISE YOU THIS ALONE, I WON'T NEVER, DO ANYTHING TO HURT MY VERY DEAR, AND PRECIOUS CHERISHED PARTNER BOAZ, BECAUSE I LOVE HIM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU ALL LOVE ME GODHEAD THE TRINITY CREW... OH WE WELCOME, YOU ALL KINGDOM OF HEAVEN WITH KING OF GLORY, AND ALL OF THE HOST OF HEAVEN GUIDE US IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH DAILY AND ALWAYS, GLORIFYING GODHEAD YAHWEH AND YESHUA FOREVERMORE, WE ONLY HAVE LIFE,BECAUSE YOU BREATHE INTO US ALL, AND WE ARE OH SO VERY DETERMINED MORE THAN EVER BEFORE, TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU GODHEAD ELOHIM HIS MAJESTY, IN EVERYTHING WE DO FOR ALL ETERNITY, THIS IS MY NEW OATH TO YOU ABEOJI NEM [MY FATHER GOD NEM] WITH DIVINE LOVE,DIVINE PEACE,AND DIVINE JOY IN THE HOLY GHOST DAILY AND ALWAYS FOR ALL OF THESE VERY BEAUTIFUL LOVING PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN RIGHTEOUSNESS DAILY AND ALWAYS SEEN OR UNSEEN, ELEMENTAL HEDGE YOUR CHILDREN IN THIS WORLD MY OH MY VERY GREAT, AND VERY POWERFUL KING OF GLORY, OH ANCIENT OF DAYS GIVE US ALL THAT'S TRULY YOURS OUR INHERITANCE THIS DAY AND FOREVERMORE, SO THAT WE WILL GO FORTH, AND TELL OTHERS AROUND THE WORLD LOOK WHAT MY VERY LOVING AND VERY BRIGHT AND SHINNING MORNING STAR, THE SON OF GOD AND THE SON OF MAN ALPHA AND OMEGA HAS DONE FOR US, THROUGH OBEDIENCE IN THE HOLY BIBLE, HE FREED US FROM THE CURSE OF SIN AND DEATH, SO HE[ALPHA AND OMEGA OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST MR.BLAZING EYES, HE SO VERY SKILLFUL, HE WILL WHOOP YOUR ENEMY ASS JUST FOR YOU TOO!!! SO DON'T BE SCARED, JUST ASK OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST TO COME INTO YOUR LIFE, AND MAKE YOU A NEW PERSON, TO LIVE,LEARN,LAUGH, AND LOVE IN HIM[GODHEAD] ALONE!!!! IT'S NOT HARD Y'ALL LIVING IN RIGHTEOUSNESS, IT'S THE GREATEST DECISION I EVER MADE AT THAT YOUNG AGE LONG AGO, AND NO I DON'T REGRET MY PAST, BUT I DO EMBRACE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, WHO TAUGHT ME, JUST BE YOURSELF BABY GIRL, AND GODHEAD WILL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU FOREVERMORE.... MY KING, YOUR HONOR SUPREME JUDGE OF THIS UNIVERSE EL ELYON, COULD YOU TELL EVERYONE WHO IS UP THEIR WITH ALL I TRULY, SAY THANK YOU [ARIGATO,XIEXIE,AND GOSAMANIDA TO EVERYONE THEIR I'M SO VERY GRATEFUL WE ARE FAMILY TOGETHER FOREVER, I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF, JUST THROUGH YOUR WORDS ALONE MSRAROTS. Y'ALL ARE SO VERY CHERISHED MORE THAN WORDS CAN DESCRIBE, EVEN EVERYONE IN THE HOLY BIBLE TOO, ALL OF YOU ALL TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING ABOUT LIVING THIS LIFE PLEASING GODHEAD IN EVERYTHING... ABEOJI FATHER GOD THANK YOU OH SO VERY MUCH FOR MAKING BOAZ AND I JUST FOR EACH OTHER, I REALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPINESS IN JOY OVERFLOWING, LIKE OUR ELDER BROTHER JESUS CHRIST TOLD US... PRAISING GODHEAD THE TRINITY IN EVERYTHING, AND THROUGH ALL OF THINGS, EMBRACING YOUR LOVE,PEACE, AND JOY IN THE HOLY GHOST FOREVER, GIVING GODHEAD ALL OF THE PRAISE,GLORY,AND HONOR THAT'S DUE UNTO YOUR NAME FOREVER AND EVERMORE, AMEN, AND,AMEN!!! ENJOY Y'ALL VERY PROSPEROUS, AND PEACEFUL WEEK WITH THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN BEING HERE WITH US ALWAYS YOU RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE OF GODHEAD, BE ENCOURAGED IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, AND APPLY GODHEAD HOLY BIBLE DAILY IN YOUR LIVES AND EXPERIENCE THE CHANGE OF A LIFETIME, HALLELUJAH, HOSANNA BE TO THE NAME OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST OUR KING OF GLORY, FOREVERMORE,AMEN!!!! LOVE YOU SO,SO,OH SO VERY MUCH BOAZ ENJOY A LIFETIME OF SUPERNATURAL PROTECTION OF SHEKINA GLORY GOD'S RADIANT PRESENCE KEEPING US FROM ALL EVIL, ALWAYS, AND TRUSTING GODHEAD TO SMITE ALL OF OUR ENEMIES OFF THE EARTH FOREVERMORE, IN JESUS HOLY,MIGHTY NAME WE PRAY, AMEN!!!! GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST OF PRAISE, FOREVER, AND EVERMORE,AMEN, AND AMEN!!!!😍😍😍😍😍

[caddyxjellyby]

Alcott Readathon 2018: Hospital Sketches (1863)

"It is by no means faultless, but it fastens itself upon the mind and heart of the reader." -Springfield Daily Republican "The wit, the humor, the power of brief and vivid description which the volume evinces, will give it a wide popularity." -The Wide World "There are some passages in this little volume which will move the heart to tears as irresistibly as the humor of others will move the voice to laughter." -The New England Farmer Hospital Sketches (1863) was published first in newspapers and then as a book, to mostly glowing reviews. It is based on Alcott's brief time as a nurse with the names changed. The protagonist is called Tribulation Periwinkle but I couldn't help but refer to her as Louisa. I'm leaving a lot out of this recap so that if you read it there will still be surprises. Chapter 1: Obtaining Supplies The book opens with something I had forgotten - Nurse Periwinkle has two sisters and a brother Tom. Tom suggests she try nursing after she rejects other family suggestions of writing a book, teaching, marrying, and acting. A neighbor introduces her to a nurse and she receives her commission. "A certain dear old lady" cries while saying good-bye to "topsy-turvy Trib." She's entitled to a free railroad pass and spends 5 pages searching for the right place to get it. Haven't we all been there? After acquiring it she compares herself to Christian in Pilgrim's Progress "when the Evangelist gave him the scroll." Before the train leaves she visits her sister "Mrs. Joan Coobiddy" at the Dove-cote. Chapter 2: A Forward Movement Train ride.

"Very comfortable; munch gingerbread, and Mrs. C.'s fine pear, which deserves honorable mention, because my first loneliness was comforted by it, and pleasant recollections of both kindly sender and bearer. Look much at Dr. H.'s paper of directions—put my tickets in every conceivable place, that they may be get-at-able, and finish by losing them entirely. Suffer agonies till a compassionate neighbor pokes them out of a crack with his pen-knife. Put them in the inmost corner of my purse, that in the deepest recesses of my pocket, pile a collection of miscellaneous articles 22 atop, and pin up the whole. Just get composed, feeling that I've done my best to keep them safely, when the Conductor appears, and I'm forced to rout them all out again, exposing my precautions, and getting into a flutter at keeping the man waiting. Finally, fasten them on the seat before me, and keep one eye steadily upon the yellow torments, till I forget all about them, in chat with the gentleman who shares my seat. Having heard complaints of the absurd way in which American women become images of petrified propriety, if addressed by strangers, when traveling alone, the inborn perversity of my nature causes me to assume an entirely opposite style of deportment; and, finding my companion hails from Little Athens, is acquainted with several of my three hundred and sixty-five cousins, and in every way a respectable and respectful member of society, I put my bashfulness in my pocket, and plunge into a long conversation on the war, the weather, music, Carlyle, skating, genius, hoops, and the immortality of the soul."

Knowing LMA I imagine she doesn't approve of hoops.

Then a boat. She doesn't want to sleep as she has "twice escaped a watery grave" and won't press her luck a third time. Because I'm a nerd I can identify both times. When she was a little girl she fell into a pond and a black man rescued her. In 1858 she was looking for work in Boston and finding it difficult, she considered drowning herself into the Back Bay. And it turns out I spoke too soon - Nurse P is in fact wearing a hoop.

Another train. Passes through Philly where "few men appear, and the women seem to do the business, which, perhaps, accounts for its being so well done." Misandry! In Baltimore a coupling iron, whatever that is, breaks, and the train stops for a repair. Her first sight of Washington D. C. takes LMA's breath away.

Chapter 3: A Day

LMA's fourth day at "Hurlyburly House." It always strikes me, reading history, how little formal education was required for getting a job.

Forty ambulances arrive from Fredericksburg. Our heroine is momentarily taken aback at being told to strip and wash soldiers but follows orders. A lad with one leg and one arm provides some gallows humor.

"I've been in six scrimmages, and never got a scratch till this last one; but it's done the business pretty thoroughly for me, I should say. Lord! what a scramble there'll be for arms and legs, when we old boys come out of our graves, on the Judgment Day: wonder if we shall get our own again? If we do, my leg will have to tramp from Fredericksburg, my arm from here, I suppose, and meet my body, wherever it may be."

We learn that nuts as slang was used in 1862.

A Confederate says he'll wash himself, provoking "angry passions" in LMA. She has no sympathy for him.

She filks The Charge of the Light Brigade:

"Beds to the front of them,

Beds to the right of them,

Beds to the left of them,

Nobody blundered.

Beamed at by hungry souls,

Screamed at with brimming bowls,

Steamed at by army rolls,

Buttered and sundered.

With coffee not cannon plied,

Each must be satisfied,

Whether they lived or died;

All the men wondered."

The doctors and nurses work non-stop from dawn til 11, with supper at 5. "The amount that some of them sequestered was amazing."

Chapter 4: A Night

An example of the tragic/comic mixture that is Alcott's trademark. She enjoys the night shift and learns to recognize each man's snore. A twelve year old drummer boy, Teddy, wakes up crying. It isn't pain - he dreamed about his friend Kit who died. Teddy was injured and Kit carried him wrapped up in blankets, so Teddy blames himself for weakening Kit. LMA assures him Kit would have died either way.

John, a blacksmith from Virginia, dictates a letter home. He has a ring so she asks if he's married. He says, no, his mother is a widow and so he must support her and act as surrogate father to his sister Lizzy and brother Laurie. LMA admires his manly courage and maternal devotion. He dies two days after, just before the reply arrives.

A man who lost his leg attempts to escape home, hopping all around and rambling, and a Prussian gentleman puts him back to bed.

Chapter 5: Off Duty

A surgeon urges her to rest lest he "have to add a Periwinkle to my bouquet of patients." Her room has broken windows, sheets for curtains, and rats that take the food.

For exercise she visits Armoury Hospital and describes how it's much more clean and organized than Hurlyburly House.

Another time she visits the Senate Chamber, but it isn't in session so she sits in Charles Sumner's chair, imagines herself cudgeling Preston Brooks, the guy who beat up Sumner for making an anti-slavery speech, and steals "a castaway autograph or two." Then she goes to an art museum and writes that "several robust ladies attracted me . . . but which was America and which Pocahontas was a mystery, for all affected much looseness of costume, dishevelment of hair, swords, arrows, lances, scales, and other ornaments quite passé with damsels of our day, whose effigies should go down to posterity armed 76 with fans, crochet needles, riding whips, and parasols, with here and there one holding pen or pencil, rolling-pin or broom."

Then it rains for a week and she's shut up in her room. The other nurses and her friends visit her, including Dorothea Dix.

As any of you who have read a biography of LMA know, she comes down typhoid and returns home.

"I never shall regret the going, though a sharp tussle with typhoid, ten dollars, and a wig, are all the visible results of the experiment; for one may live and learn much in a month." Only ten dollars? TEN? $2.50 a week? Frank Leslie paid her $50 a story.

Chapter 6: A Postscript

Answers to readers' letters. Are there churches services at the hospital? Yes, there is a chaplain but she finds his sermons dry and uninteresting.

"Regarding the admission of friends to nurse their sick, I can only say, it was not allowed at Hurly-burly House; though one indomitable parent took my ward by storm, and held her position, in spite of doctors, matron, and Nurse Periwinkle. Though it was against the rules, though the culprit was an acid, frost-bitten female, though the young man would have done quite as well without her anxious fussiness, and the whole room-full been much more comfortable, there was something so irresistible in this persistent devotion, that no one had the heart to oust her from her post. She slept on the floor, without uttering a complaint; bore jokes somewhat of the rudest; fared scantily, though her basket was daily filled with luxuries for her boy; and tended that petulant personage with a never-failing patience beautiful to see.

I feel a glow of moral rectitude in saying this of her; for, though a perfect pelican to her young, she pecked and cackled (I don't know that pelicans usually express their emotions in that manner,) most obstreperously, when others invaded her premises; and led me a weary life, with "George's tea-rusks," "George's foot-bath," "George's measles," and "George's mother;" till after a sharp passage of arms and tongues with the matron, she wrathfully packed up her rusks, her son, and herself, and departed, in an ambulance, scolding to the very last."

Nurses aren't required to witness amputations. LMA watched operations because she wanted to nurse at the front. The offer from Dr. Z to witness a dissection she turned down.

She was warned "to expect much humiliation of spirit from the surgeons" but those she worked with didn't do that at all. They were very kind and when she was ill Dr. Z made sure she had firewood.

She refuses to give the hospital's real name - it has closed down and its patients moved to, she hopes, a place with better food.

#louisa may alcott #alcott readathon 2018 #american civil war #books #women in history