#i felt so autistic drawing these | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lunareiitic · 4 months

Text

HSR 1.6 SPOILERS AHEAD BE WARNED

I saw a discussion on Reddit earlier where someone talked about how gracious Herta is to Ruan Mei and felt that the plot shows that Ruan Mei is taking advantage of her and I felt like... it's not a bad conclusion to draw from the text but. It feels not correct. Like yes, Herta essentially does let RM do whatever she wants, especially with regards to the space station, and RM doesn't seem to be very thankful for it. (Setting aside the fact that it isn't really Herta's space station. Asta's the one who bankrolls and manages it. It's just got Herta's name on it. Herta is just as uncaring to the researchers lmao) But to call RM a "passive manipulator" (yes, I saw this take too) of her and nothing more I think... overlooks both of their personalities? Taking into account that both of these characters are essentially confirmed autistic (go see the official post about the Genius Society, you can't make this up) their dynamic is a little tragic but very true-to-life.

Herta is loud, pushy, and bratty. She's like a cat- she doesn't take no for an answer and the moment you try to get her to do something she doesn't want to do she goes limp and useless. She admires Ruan Mei because she's nothing like her. And RM would never push Herta to do anything. RM doesn't push. She doesn't even really manipulate. The woman cannot lie to save her life. All she did was ask Herta if she could use part of the space station and Herta obliged, and it sounds like she'd been waiting for Ruan Mei to finally ask her for something. RM doesn't really have a malicious bone in her body. That's what makes her so terrifying. People are often just willing to do as she asks and she makes no pretenses or illusions about herself, her motives, or her life. The closest she gets to lying is just not answering when pressed. She is so socially inept she has to drug the trailblazer into silence so they'll help her. And I think this is... out of embarrassment? If it were me, an autistic bitch who cannot lie to save my life, I would want to do something similar. She knows she's gotten herself into a situation because she left the incubator on too long and then the space station got attacked, but admitting that to Herta would wound her pride and also cause friction between them. You can tell that she brought the Trailblazer into that Genius meeting because she was afraid Herta and Screwllum had caught on to her, and once she realizes that it's just them debating about (in her eyes) nothing, she lets the Trailblazer go. I've seen people call that "callous", as if she was dropping them as soon as they were not useful to her. But she says why she does it basically immediately- she thinks it would bore us and she has something else more important that she needs our help with.

I think the part of Ruan Mei's character that people are overlooking right now is that Ruan Mei does care. Look at the story bit for Genius' Repose, where she serves machine oil in a teacup for Screwllum and promises to send a box of homemade sweets to Herta's flesh-and-blood body. She's the kind of person who is actively thinking of her mother and her grandmother and their little home in the snow every time she eats something sweet. Her creations are literally desperate with love. Love, love, love, love. Love that feels alien to her, love that she can't put into words, love that her alexithymia won't let her ascertain and compartmentalize. Love that is as elusive and vexing and important as that spark of the divine soul she's been chasing all this time. She loves and she loves deeply, to the point of obsession. But she's in love with the past as much as Herta is- their signature light cones both have them reflecting on a past version of themselves that they know they cannot have back. She quite literally brought her mother back to life because she couldn't bear to break a promise to her late grandmother (who... somehow, is still waiting for her... somewhere). She's a deeply sentimental person. Haven't you ever looked at other people and felt, even for just a moment, that you are apart from them? That they have something you lack? What if you let that feeling consume you? Ruan Mei yearns for a world that she cannot touch because she's lost the trees in the greater forest of her mind. She feels the need to become god because she feels so utterly alienated from the world around her. But she can't escape herself, no matter how far she runs.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that Herta and Ruan Mei are friends, even if Ruan Mei doesn't feel that she's capable of it. It makes a lot of sense that they're both ice too, element ruled primarily by The Remembrance. I wonder how they both feel about that?

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr spoilers #ruan mei #herta #this got away from me but I have been thinking about her nonstop for two weeks now

322 notes · View notes

creature-wizard · 2 months

Text

How the mythology of starseeds, indigo children, crystal children, rainbow children, etc. harms kids

Something I didn't talk about in my last post is how New Age is often harmful to young children, so I'm going to talk about it here.

Here's a quick rundown on terminology for anyone who doesn't already know:

Starseed: An alien soul incarnated in a human body, typically for the purpose of "raising the Earth's vibrational frequency" (read: convert people to New Age beliefs).

Indigo/Crystal/Rainbow Child: A child born with a spiritually advanced soul, whose life purpose is to bring the New Age into being.

If you do a quick websearch on any of these terms, you'll find that the alleged signs of being one of these overlaps with traits associated with autism and ADHD. Many websites will just straight-out say that these children are commonly mistaken for having autism or ADHD. Sometimes you'll find people who claim autism and ADHD don't actually exist at all, but were created by the conspiracy to control and suppress these kids.

What often happens is that New Age parents see their autistic and ADHD children displaying these "signs," and decide that their kids are one of these special souls. So rather than giving their children the help and support they actually need, they project and burden them with incredibly high expectations. We're talking about parents expecting their kids to be able to work miracles or have access to all of this incredibly advanced wisdom that they simply just don't.

Various people I've seen on this website who were raised by New Age parents have spoken about how this kind of thing messed them up. They basically have religious trauma from it. Deciding that your kid has special powers and a special purpose because they meet a very spurious criteria is not okay.

When I was a kid, I absolutely would have fit most definitions of a starseed. I believed in magic, fairies, aliens, and psychic powers. Sci-fi and fantasy was my jam. I loved to draw and play elaborate games of pretend. The idea of helping and healing people appealed to me majorly. And, well, I had undiagnosed autism and ADHD.

But you know what I didn't have?

The kind of special spiritual gifts and innate wisdom people associate with starseeds and the rest.

In fact, as far as I could tell, everyone around me seemed to be more psychically and spiritually gifted than me, for no reason I could ever work out. It was actually kind of traumatizing, because I felt like something was wrong with me.

So yeah, deciding a kid must be some special, extra-magical kind of soul because they have certain characteristics and interests is really not good. Parents who do this are essentially forcing their own egos onto their children, who will very likely end up traumatized from the whole ordeal.

#new age #starseed #starseeds #crystal children #crystal child #indigo children #indigo child #rainbow children #rainbow child #ableism #adhd #autism #religious abuse #spiritual abuse #neurodiversity

215 notes · View notes

copperbadge · 1 month

Note

RE watching thoughts: I’m not 100% sure, but it might be that the whole “I am not my thoughts” is about engaging and identifying with your metacognition MORE than your initial thoughts. Because I get where you’re coming from - what is a consciousness but a collection of thoughts and feelings? But you can also have thoughts about your own thoughts that are more useful for dealing with whatever situation you’re in, I guess. (Random aside - every time I start thinking about thinking about thinking my brain inevitably starts thinking about Tiffany Aching and The Wee Free Men.)

I really should have replied to this ask sooner because it's going to seem like a non-sequitur now (this was sent much earlier in March) but I'm kind of glad I didn't, because I've been chatting with people about this and I think I understand more why there's an emphasis in some therapies on the idea that we are not our thoughts.

(I uh, haven't read the Tiffany books so I'm not much help there.)

I am coming to understand that many, perhaps most, people judge themselves, comprehensively and harshly, based on their thoughts. Perhaps it's just a lot of people who struggle with mental health, but given the commonality of the sentiment I don't know if I'd confine it that tightly; generally it appears that people cannot conceive of themselves as anything other than a binary of good or bad. So many people I've talked to about this portion of DBT, the watching-questioning-identifying thoughts portion, say that it helps to snap them out of a spiral of "I'm a horrible person, I deserve to suffer/die, I can never be redeemed" after they've failed at something, or had a negative thought, or reacted poorly to an unexpected event.

That is not something I've ever experienced. I mean, jokingly maybe, but not in a real, internal sense.

And that's not to brag -- I'm not saying I think I'm a good person, either, because I don't think I'm a good person. I don't conceive of myself in terms of good or bad. I never cuddle my cats and think "I'm such a good cat dad" or forget to feed them and think "I should die now." I have a perpetual morally neutral attitude towards my own existence; my thoughts and actions might trend me one direction or another but I'm aware of the temporary nature of that. If I fuck up I'll worry about who I might have hurt or whether I'll be fired or what's going to happen as a consequence, if I am polite to someone who didn't deserve it I know I was acting kindly in the moment, but I don't make an inherent moral judgement of myself based on that. And it seems like the vast majority of people do. Which you would think would make me feel pretty good about myself, but honestly...I don't know.

A lot of people I know who have ADHD or are Autistic have talked about seeing themselves as other, as alien -- like that one webcomic artist who draws themself with little antennae to indicate they're strange and different. I've always understood why one might do that, but I never felt that way myself, before or after the diagnosis. After all, let's remember, I was The Normal* Child of my siblings, and if I was The Normal One before the diagnosis, why wouldn't I remain Mostly Normal after?

* As ever, I'm using "normal" as a cultural term, to indicate what we think of as mainstream, not because normal is a thing that really exists.

My life has been relatively solitary -- I have friends and family and I love them but I'm rarely part of a large group, I don't spend a lot of time out in public interacting with people, I'm not a big socializer. Before the Adderall, I really couldn't be, I took too much psychic damage from interpersonal interaction, so I chose those very carefully. And now my DBT class has been a rare moment when I'm encountering contradictions to a lot of my assumptions about the way human beings in our society interact, react, and behave. I just...don't fit that mold very well. I think of it as having crossed wiring, not in the sense that I'm faulty but just in the sense that I'm very, very different. Not Normal. It's not exactly a bad feeling but it's certainly not a great one, internalizing the sensation of alienness.

DBT is proving to be a mixed bag but not in the way I or my therapist intended -- it seems to be either things I was already instinctively doing or things that simply do not apply to me. In one way it's disappointing because it means there isn't much help to be had (we're a little over halfway through the course and I keep thinking "Maybe next class will be useful") but on the other hand it's validating that so much of what I came up with myself as unconscious coping mechanisms is literally what I would have been told to do anyway.

Sometimes it's a combination of both, though, which really blows. I guess most people, if they reframe another person's actions, actually find emotional relief in that, and I don't. An example from the class is that if someone is rude to you, you can consider how they might be having a hard day, and be polite in return; that's great, in terms of defusing a situation, and it's something I do a fair amount of. But apparently it's also something that for most people results in feeling less awful about the interaction, and that's not the case for me. Which is why so much of DBT feels to me like lying to oneself. It's not lying for most people.

So, yeah. I'm going to finish out the course and keep trying things with the therapist but I suspect given everything, I might already be at "as good as it gets" in terms of emotional work. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, and there is still the option to try medication that could help, but I think there will come a point where I'm going to have to deal with the fallout of just how different I am, and how that has impacted my life. Might end up a good thing; something I've really been trying to resolve is unhappiness over being unpartnered and highly likely to remain that way, and at least if this provides a better understanding of why, then perhaps I can process that and put it to rest in a way I've been trying to do but not succeeding well at.

So, we'll see. But I find it both fascinating and kind of horrifying how many people can believe they are irredeemably bad, even if the belief is only temporary, simply because they had an uncharitable thought or impulse. It makes me somewhat grateful for the crossed wires, at least.

#sam has adhd #therapy #dbt

167 notes · View notes

weirdmorefics · 8 months

Text

So Very Basic- Spencer Reid X Reader

A/N- This may have just been an excuse for me to infodump about Pride and Prejudice but I swear the fic is still good! Reader is also very Autistic coded but I am Autistic so that happens a lot when I write hope you don't mind.

Pronouns- She/her

Tooth-Rooting Fluff

Word Count- 822

Summary- Spencer judging your book tastes on the jet back home.

Spencer and I have made it a habit of sitting next to each other every flight home. We usually talk about the recent books we have finished or are currently reading. Sometimes we just sit in silence and read together. These are my favorite moments in my life I never feel calmer in the jet with Spencer by my side or across from me. This time it felt different though Spencer's eyes have not left me once I swear he hadn't flipped a page of his book.

"Hey Spence, What's your book about?" I say trying to hint at the fact that I can obviously see he has not flipped a single page.

He seemed startled by my sudden question but proceeded to tell me the entire synopsis of his book.

I slam my book shut and shout, "You have read that book already!"

He seemed perplexed by my reaction "There is no rule against rereading books I think authors would prefer you reread their works."

I groan, "There is when you spend the whole flight staring at me distracting me from my book."

Spencer flushes and I am one hundred percent sure I am right now.

"Hotch the children are fighting again!" Rossi shouts like a mother making me shake my head at him.

"Hotch Spence is poking meee," Emily teases in her best Y/N impersonation. JJ of course joins in playing the role of Spencer, "I am not Y/n." She draws out my name.

Spencer and I look as red as two tomatoes and my safe space has turned into an inescapable nightmare.

He leans in and whispers in my ear, "You know this is your fault for picking the most basic Jane Austen novel."

I gasp dramatically which of course just causes more stares from the team.

Derek sighed knowing this Y/n gasp all too well, "Pretty boy what are you doing offending Y/n? Do you want to listen to another one of her defensive rants for thirty minutes?"

"I quite enjoy them," Spencer smiles.

Rossi rolls his eyes, "You would."

I stand up, "Pride and Prejudice is beautiful from its book, it's movie, and it's BBC Special!"

JJ sighs," Here she goes."

"The drama in the book is spectacular as it delves into each sister's feelings about marriage and how at the time it was their only option. Don't even get me started on the twenty-seven with no prospects speech! Oh my goodness Darcy is the perfect match for Elizabeth with them both being so headstrong makes for the best enemies to lovers! Speaking of Darcy in the film when he does that hand-clench thing it was not even in the book! It wasn't even scripted! Which made me feel he was the perfect actor for Darcy he understood the role perfectly!" I ramble out putting my hand on my chest the rest of the team is annoyed at another one of my outbursts but Spencer is looking at me like I am the only person on the plane and I flush when I meet his eyes.

Hotch shouts at me, "L/N would you sit down we are about to go into a patch of turbulence." He of course says this too late and I embarrassingly fall on top of Spencer.

I immediately try to scramble off Spencer but he holds me there. I look away from him trying to hide my flushed face and he asks if I am alright.

"Yup, just mortified but everybody needs a good daily dose of that am I right." I smile trying to play it off but I play with my hair a common tell of mine that everyone in the BAU knows by now.

"You know I have never seen the Pride and Prejudice film," Spencer says slyly.

My eyes light up "You must see it! It's on Netflix I have seen it over a hundred times! I can probably quote all the words by now."

"I actually don't have Netflix I don't really watch television," He rubs the back of his neck.

"That's fine I could totally bring my laptop to you to watch it! Or we could watch it at my apartment!" I ramble out coming off more excited than I meant to.

"That sounds great," Spencer smiles, "Do you really know all the words you could recite some now?" He teases.

I turn the deepest red I think I have ever been in my life and of course, Derek has to jump in.

"Oh pretty boy has moves," he whistles.

Spence rolls his eyes "Shut up Morgan."

"Could we all shut up? Some of us like to rest so we can actually focus on work when we get back." Hotch says in his typical annoyed-with-us voice.

"I guess reciting Pride and Prejudice to you will have to wait," I whisper into Spencer's ear it was finally my time to make him blush.

#spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid drabble #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds oneshot #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader

358 notes · View notes

turvi · 10 months

Text

Sugar

Rodrick Heffley x Autistic!Reader

Y/n fiddled with her fingers as she contemplated opening the basement door. She knew Rodrick was practising right now, and it would be uncomfortable for her to sit through it.

She paced the hallway until she decided to sit on the couch, but she saw the time. It was almost 6 pm, and his parents would be back from the supermarket. So she left his home.

A few minutes later, his parents got home, and Rodrick looked for her everywhere.

"What are you looking for, Rodrick?" Susan's voice startled him. He put his hand on his chest as he took a breath of relief.

"Jeez! Susan, don't sneak up on your kids like this." Rodrick made a note to talk to Y/n tomorrow as he made his way to his room.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following morning Rodrick pelted stones on her window. He smirked when he saw her window open. "There's my pretty girl? Come down. I need to see you properly."

Y/n blushed and ran down the stairs. Straight into his arms. She smiled as she felt his hand drawing circles on her back.

"You alright, sugar? You went without saying goodnight," he asked, lightly pinching her cheek.

Y/n shifted her weight between her legs, her palms sweating. "Uhh... I actually had something in my mind."

Rodrick squinted his eyes at her. "what is it, sugar?" he gently caressed her arm, trying to calm her nerves.

"I wanna listen to you practice." she pouted as she looked up at him

Rodrick sighed. "Sweets, you know my loud music will make you uncomfortable, and I can't have that." his tone was soft.

His heart broke when he saw disappointment on her face. He took her hand and walked with her in the neighbourhood, hoping it would clear her mood.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Here you go, Rodrick". He immediately pockets the "mom bucks". Greg looked at his older sibling in suspicion. Rodrick barely would leave his room...somehow making Greg do all the chores. Now he was happily doing chores, being nice to him.

Greg saw as he ran upstairs, and he quietly followed him. He peeped through his door to Rodrick, taking out a stash of money from under his bed. He sat on the bed and started counting the money.

Rodrick looked at his drumsticks which looked like they could break any moment. He shook his head and ordered the noise-cancelling headphones. Greg hid when Rodrick got out of his room.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following morning Rodrick was confused when he found a few extra dollars in his stash. He turned around and saw Greg hiding and smiled. Rodrick thought he won't be pranking Greg...at least for a month. He quickly gift-wrapped the headphones and went to Y/n's home.

He could feel himself falling in love with the girl more as she brightened up as she saw the headphones and said. "Rodrick...you didn't have to buy this...these things are costly..."

Roderick interrupted her. "Take it as your early birthday gift. And now you can sit through my band practice." he shrugged. He could buy all the headphones in the world just to see her smile like that.

"What about your drumsticks?"

He blushed. Mentally he was picturing their marriage. "I can put tapes, and it will be good as new."

"I don't deserve this."

He pulled her closer to him, kissing her cheeks. "You deserve all the nice things. And I did this because I want my girl there when I practice. You are my lucky charm, my love, my heart."

Y/n blushed and asked, "Can I kiss you?"

He smirked and opened his arms. "Kiss me all you want, sugar."

Rodrick instantly felt her lips on him. He couldn't help but smile as she kissed him.

"I love you, Rodrick." She declared breathlessly.

"I love you too, Sugar."

@randodummy

A/N: I hope this was good. REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

#rodrick heffley x reader #rodrick heffley x autistic!reader #rodrick heffley x y/n #rodrick heffley x fem!reader #rodrick x reader #rodrick x y/n #rodrick heffley #rodrick heffley fanfic #rodrick heffley fluff #rodrick fanfic #diary of a wimpy kid imagines #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick #diary of a wimpy kid rodrick rules #diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick imagines #ask turvi #turvi writes

611 notes · View notes

imbadatwrighting · 10 months

Text

ARTISTS ARE ATTRACTIVE

SUMMARY: Tim Drake was never know for being the most attractive brother, but you always found a way to make him think he was…even if you did it in a unusual way with your weird staring problem.

WARNINGS: Artists are attractive troupe, hinted that reader can be mean to others, hinted autistic reader, Tim Drake in love, gn!reader, masc! Reader, reader being called “boyfriend”, blunt!reader, crappy writing bc I wrote this half asleep, reader wearing a tie, ooc Tim, short

PAIRINGS: Tim Drake/Reader

Tim Drake had a lot of things: brothers, computers, coffee. But he only had one boyfriend. A mean yet sweet boyfriend who apparently was having a major staring problem.

It wasn’t hard for Tim to realize you were staring him down from across the couch while he was trying to finish long past due work.

Your eyes seemed to be roaming all over his body as if you were trying to memorize his figure’s pose.

Tim let out an almost inaudible sigh, turning his body to face you. "Can I help you?"

"No,” you breathed out, not removing your gaze from your boyfriend.

"Ok then," Tim whispered, moving his body to fully face his Mac book once again. Sure, he was used to you staring at him almost all day while he talked to his brother or was working, but you never made it this obvious. He was used to you looking away when you suspected that he would turn to look at you. He always found it a cute little quirk of yours, but it just felt different this time. In a good way of course, but still.

Tim took in a deep breath, looking at you from the corner of his eye. He could see the way your finger tapped along the table next to you in a rhythm only known to you and how your hair was slowly falling into your eyes. It didn’t falter your staring problem however.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

You hummed, “looking at you.”

Tim let out another sigh, closing his Mac knowing that he won’t be able to concentrate on it for much longer. He would get back to it later when your asleep or fixating on something else. “I get that.”

“Then why’d you ask?” you questioned.

Your boyfriend made a sound unfamiliar to you. “I meant why are you staring at me?”

“Because I want to remember you.” A look of confusion washed over Tim’s face.

“I have a feeling you won’t be forgetting me soon, unless you know something I don’t.”

“No.”

“No?” he repeated. Usually by now you’d be getting to your point, leaving nothing in the dark. It was like your T.M.I button was disabled. Not like Tim cared, he loved to hear you ramble on about something while he’s doing work, it brings him a peace of mind.

“You look good.”

There it was.

Blush started to form on Tim’s checks along with a small grin. “Do I?” Tim smiled. He noticed the look of pure adoration on your face, it always made him feel good about himself.

“Yes, you look very attractive. I'm trying to enshrine this into my mind to draw later,” you stated like it was nothing. To you isn’t wasn’t, you were just being honest, but to Tim it made him feel butterflies all over again.

He wasn’t used to it. His family never said things like that to him, barely praising anything he did. You didn’t either, not in a bad way, you showed your love in a different way.

“What got you thinking on that?” He assumed it had something to do with his brothers that you talked to earlier this day.

“Your brothers,” you told. Of course it was his brothers. “Damian said that you were a bad muse but I don’t think so. You’re plenty attractive, making you a perfect muse.”

Tim felt like his face was turning into a tomato because of you. Trying his best to ignore it, he looked down at his dirty shoes. They were covered in coffee stains at least a couple weeks old.

“Do you think that the artists are attractive too? Because I think the artist right next to me is very attractive.”

Tim noticed that your fingers stopped tapping on his stained coffee table and you turned yourself to be facing Tim.

His face moved in your direction, blush even more distinguishable.

Your eyes looked almost doe-like when looking at your boyfriend and your lips were pursed in a straight line.

“What? You have anything to say?” Tim asked. His nerves were getting to him. He knew perfectly well he had no reason to feel this but his brain was fighting against it.

“I wouldn’t say all artists are attractive, like Van Gogh! He was labeled as ugly, ungracious, impolite—” you rambled getting cut off by your boyfriend pulling you into a quiet kiss, his warm lips on yours.

Slowly pulling apart, Tim stared at your glistening eyes. “I wasn’t talking about him, I was talking about you.”

“Oh.” Not wanting to mess with whether you get another kiss, you ignored the confused thoughts in your head, leaning back into Tim.

He smiled at the expression on your face. Anyone else would be dead before they saw it, but he wasn’t anyone else. He was the one that could break down your walls like you did to him.

Tim inched away, his hand still gripping onto your tie. It seemed like every time you leaned in, he leaned further away.

“Let me kiss you,” you whined. A bigger grin appeared on your lover’s face.

“I have work to do,” he hummed, fully pulling away from you. You grabbed onto his arm dragging yourself closer to him.

“I’ll make you coffee. The good kind too,” you grinned. Tim faked thinking it through, pushing you gently off the couch.

“Fine, but be quick.”

You laughed, dragging Tim up and to the kitchen while he let out complaints about how he shouldn’t be the one getting up to go to the kitchen.

You pushed him into the counter, lips chasing after his. “You know, the deal was meant for you to make me coffee then we kiss,” he said in between breaks for air.

“That’s stupid. I have stuff to do.”

“Oh yeah that drawing is super important,” he laughed, his tone lost in your ears.

“Exactly,” you huffed, continuing to pepper kisses along Tim’s face and neck. His hands trailed down you arms, enjoying the break your giving him from work.

His artist always knew how to make him feel good.

#x male reader #x reader #male reader #tim drake x male reader #tim drake x reader #tim drake #gn reader #gender neutral reader #dc x reader #dc x male reader

697 notes · View notes

kiame-sama · 1 month

Note

Hello, Can you write more yanChrollo with the newly hijacked and autistic reader? Maybe where the reader is not yet used to Chrollo or the situation, And afraid of him and the rest of the members

I would like to make the reader male but if you prefer to make the reader female then I don't mind at all

I am now in my twenties

Thank you so much

Warnings; yandere, yandere relationship, yandere behavior, autistic reader, male reader, mention of kidnapping, less than pleased reader, tough situations, ficlet (not a fullblown fic), somewhat hurt/comfort,

(Despite being a male reader, still using my own autism as a reference)

~~~~~~~~

"Why are we just letting him-"

"Don't question Boss. His soulmate, his rules."

"But why the hell is he just letting his soul mate sit in the corner like that?"

You watched them closely as you sat and stared, trying to keep to yourself as best you could. It had been days but you still couldn't bring yourself to relax among the group of people that had so readily grabbed you off the street. They were much more openly curious than Chrollo- the man they had grabbed you for- and clearly did not care if you could hear them or not.

Chrollo, the man that claimed you as his soulmate, had been rather keen on letting you acclimate to him but also keeping you in his sight. Luckily, he did give you some privacy, but he was never too far away from you even when you were out of his sight. Even when you slept you knew he was somewhere nearby and it only made your stress levels rise.

"No sense in upsetting him more than getting him to me had," Chrollo, spoke with a vague grin on his lips, "clearly I just have to learn how to best interact with him, that is all."

"I can hear you."

"I know you can, my darling (Y/n). However, you are not keen on talking, so there is no point in making you talk."

"... But there is a point in taking me from my home?"

Chrollo turned to you now, intentionally blinking in an attempt to come across as less threatening despite how it obviously didn't fool you. Still, he was learning what unsettled you and what was going to keep you calm. Any progress in relaxing you around him was good progress in Chrollo's eyes.

"Yes. As I explained earlier, we are soulmates. You can distrust me as much as you wish, you will eventually never want to leave my side. Soulmates are connected for a reason, Dear."

You just let out a soft humming sound in response to his words, drumming your fingers against your arm idly. Chrollo continued to smile at you despite your lack of response before returning to his book. The other members of the group didn't seem to feel the same way as they continued to glance at you suspiciously from time to time.

The sounds from the outside wre muffled but absolutely enough to occupy you. Not many cars went by, but there were still the various barks of dogs as others passed the abandoned building you were held captive inside of. Despite the sounds, your eyes stayed fixed on the relaxed figure of Chrollo.

The more you stared, the more your situation began to weigh on you. A very faint sting of salty tears burned your eyes as your throat seemed to tighten with distress. When you finally dropped your gaze, you had to hide your face against your arms and you pulled your knees to your chest. The first few tears fell quickly but you tried your best to remain as quiet as possible to not draw attention to your now sensitive state.

It was while you choked back any sounds from escaping that you felt something drape over your shoulders. Whatever it was almost seemed like a blanket and you quickly took to wrapping yourself in the material. The faint brush of fur against your arms brought to mind thoughts of the coat Chrollo always wore and you gathered just what the item was.

A soft sound of movement next to you made you peak one eye past your arms where you hid your face, seeing Chrollo settle an arm's length away from you. He leaned against the wall as he sat- completely topless- and opened his book back to whatever page he had been on. He didn't even glance at you as you stared at him, trying to gauge what he was doing. Without missing a beat, Chrollo spoke in a soft tone to you, the low rumble of his voice somewhat soothing your anxious heart.

"I know it is a frightening time for you. You're somewhere new. Somewhere you don't know very well. It all is so sudden and confusing for you. I understand. Even if you don't trust me now, I still don't wish to bear the thought of you hurting all by yourself."

Chrollo had that grin again, the one where he seemed to be both bemused and patiently waiting. You couldn't tell if you liked that look on him or not.

"You will warm to me eventually. For now, take comfort in the fact I have quite the patience. I can wait as long as I need to until you begin to trust me."

#kiame-sama #yandere #x reader #yandere x reader #reader insert #tw yandere #hxh yandere #yandere chrollo #tw autism #tw kidnap mention

122 notes · View notes

illdowhatiwantthanks · 2 months

Text

First Time

Casey Novak x autistic fem!reader Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI. Graphic sex, oral, fingering, language. Word count: 3,286

Your heart was practically beating out of your chest by the time the two of you made it through Casey's apartment door. You didn't even have time to look around, barely noticing the stacks of manila folders scattered around the apartment.

Casey let the door slam shut behind you, then pushed you up against it, somehow gentle and rough at the same time. She reached past your waist to lock the door, kissing you deeper than you'd ever been kissed in your life. You felt nearly drunk as Casey's tongue slid into your mouth, her breath hot and desperate. You gasped as her hands slipped under your shirt and trailed up and down the bare skin of your back. You were all too aware of the rapid beating of her heart, the way the buckle at her waist pressed into you.

When she moved from your mouth down to your neck, you felt your legs grow weak. When she sank her teeth into your pulse point, you let out a moan. You felt her grin against your skin, then run her tongue up your neck and back to your mouth. She pulled away and looked at you with a smug expression.

"You want to go to bed?" she asked, drawing circles on your waist with her thumb.

"What?" you exclaimed, a confused look on your face. "No, I don't want to go to bed. I thought we were gonna have sex!?"

Casey laughed and kissed the side of your head, dragging you back to the bedroom. "Go to bed as in have sex, you idiot."

"Oh," you replied, following her eagerly. "Then yes."

Casey's room was spare, but nice. Each piece had been chosen with care, and none of it was cheap. Now that you were here, in her space, in her bedroom, the nerves started to kick in. Casey was already unbuttoning her shirt, throwing it off to reveal a simple black bra and more skin than you'd ever seen. Pants followed. You forgot how to breathe for a moment, but when she moved to lift your own shirt over your head, you found your voice.

"Wait, wait, wait," you said, pulling away.

"You okay?" Casey asked, concerned.

"I, uh... I've never–" You didn't quite know how to say it, afraid it would bring your evening to a screeching halt. "I'm a virgin," you finished, avoiding Casey's eyes.

"Okay," Casey replied, matter-of-factly. When she didn't say anything else, you glanced at her. If anything, she just looked impatient.

"Is that... okay?" you asked, shaking your hands at your sides–an anxious stim.

Casey grabbed one of your hands and pressed it flat between hers, massaging the anxiety out of it. "Mmhm," she confirmed, taking your other hand and repeating the process. "Perfectly fine. More than fine. Let's just lay down some rules first so you feel safe."

"Okay," you agreed, a little less nervous than before.

Casey sat cross-legged on the bed and patted the spot next to her. You joined her, feeling more and more comfortable, like this was a sexy sleepover. Casey's fingers tracing up and down your forearm didn't hurt either.

"Since it's your first time, I'm not gonna get too crazy," she said.

"Thanks, I think?" you replied, your eyebrows scrunched.

"Don't worry. There'll be plenty of time for crazy later." She winked at you. "But I need to know, is there anything you don't want to do or that you don't want me to do?"

You squirmed and avoided her eyes.

"Hey," she said, grabbing your knees and pulling you closer. "I need to know. I won't be upset. I promise I can work with whatever you need. I can even pull references if you want."

You laughed quickly, then blushed and squeezed your eyes shut. "I don't want anything inside me," you confessed, embarrassed.

"Anything at all?"

You shook your head, your hands starting to shake again. Casey took them and held them still in her own.

"Fingers?"

You were beet red as you shook your head.

"Tongue?"

Another shake of the head.

Casey's face was scrunched, like she was concentrating very hard. "Noted."

"Is that gonna mess things up?" you asked quietly.

"God, no," Casey said, smiling at you and trying to get you out of your head. "You know where the clit is, right?"

You coughed and nodded: "Uh-huh."

"Then you should know I won't have any problems."

"You're pretty cocky," you observed, still avoiding her eyes. You were embarrassed by how turned on you already were. You were still embarrassed to be wanting sex at all. Call it a remnant of the church culture you'd grown up in or a product of being slightly on the asexual spectrum, but it felt illicit. And Casey was so... comfortable.

"Don't worry," she bragged. "You'll find out why."

"What about you?" you asked, doing your best to meet her eyes.

"What about me?"

"Is there anything you want me to do?" You desperately hoped she wouldn't ask for something you didn't know about. You were nervous enough as it was.

Casey looked at you intently, a smile creeping at the corner of her mouth. "I want you," she started, her fingers carefully lifting your shirt up and over your head and shimmying you out of your pants, "to do whatever I tell you to do." She unhooked her bra and threw it aside, now clad in nothing but her underwear. "Got it?"

You wiped actual drool off your mouth and nodded vigorously.

"Now lay down," Casey commanded.

You were more than happy to oblige. Casey straddled your lap and leaned down to kiss you deeply, pressing her body against yours. Your heart beat wildly as she swirled her tongue into your mouth, grinding her hips into you. She bit your lip and you let out a noise that was somewhere between a moan and a cry. She smiled as she moved her way down your throat, then across your collarbone, alternating kisses and bite marks in no particular pattern, so that every time her teeth took you by surprise.

Your hands lay limply at your side. You felt like you should touch her, you wanted to touch her, but you didn't know how. It still felt like you'd be caught, like Casey would suddenly decide she didn't want you touching her and you would be ashamed of yourself.

"Hey," Casey said, low against your chest, as if she'd read your mind. "You're allowed to touch me, you know."

"Are you sure?" you asked.

"Y/N," she said, kneading your breasts in her hands, "I'm literally using your tits as a sandwich for my face. Just fucking touch me."

You gingerly rested your hands at the small of her back, taken aback by the feeling of her hips pushing into you again and again.

"Holy shit, Case," you breathed, gasping for air as her tongue circled first one nipple and then the next. She let one go with a pop and looked up at you.

"I'm just getting started," she said, smirking. Casey kissed her way down your body. She took her time at your chest, relishing the way your back arched to meet her. She ended at your inner thighs, planting kisses closer and closer to your center.

You were shaking. You had never felt less in control in your life, and it was both terrifying and exhilarating.

"You ready?" Casey asked, breath hot against your folds.

You nodded, running a hand through her red hair. She looked up at you, and you pushed a loose strand out of her face.

"I need a verbal yes."

"Yes," you nearly begged. "God, yes."

If you'd been having a good time before, you were out of your mind now as Casey licked her way through your folds and pressed the flat of her tongue against your clit.

"Holy shit," you exclaimed, groaning as your hips bucked involuntarily. "Oh my god, Case." She didn't look up, too focused on her work. But she reached out to place a hand on your heaving chest and you grabbed it and didn't let go.

You had masturbated before. You had orgasmed. But it was not like this. The others had been like a sparkler. This was the Fourth of July. Your whole body tingled and heaved and surged toward climax, and you were riding it like a sailboat on the ocean.

You didn't notice your hand on the back of Casey's head, pushing her harder and harder into your throbbing clit. You didn't notice your hips bucking faster and faster, your vulva wet and swollen and shivering. But Casey sure did. She let out a low moan, her voice vibrating against you as she continued to lick.

You felt yourself climbing up and up and up, your breath hitching, your body clenching, preparing for release. You squirmed against Casey, chasing the high you could feel was so, so close.

Casey felt it, too. She wrapped her arms around your legs to hold you steady, pressing harder and faster with her tongue. "That's it sweetheart," she said, vibrating into you. "Come for me."

That was all you needed. Your pleasure washed over you in waves, and you held onto Casey's head and hand for dear life. Your breath came in gasps and left in moans as you rode out your high, Casey's mouth guiding you through it. She lapped and lapped as your orgasm dissipated, making sure she didn't miss one single bit.

When you finally came down, shaky and trembling, you noticed the mess of Casey's hair and the marks your fingernails had left on her hand. You started to apologize, but you were met with Casey's lips against yours, your head held gently in her hands.

"You did so good," she said breathlessly, burying your neck and face in kisses. "Such..." She kissed your eyelids. "A good..." Your forehead. "Girl," she finished, kissing you deeply. You could taste yourself on her tongue and it drove you wild.

"How do you feel?" she asked, laying down beside you and running a hand through your hair.

"So fucking good. God, Casey," you said, turning to face her. "I get the hype now."

She laughed, low and sweet. "Well, I'm honored to show you the ropes."

You looked at her and bit your cheek.

"What?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbow.

"Can there be more ropes tonight?"

Casey's eyes lit up. "There can always be more ropes."

You sat up, brows furrowed, studying Casey.

She chuckled and ran a finger over your eyebrows. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking," you said, leaning over her, "that I want to do you now."

Casey bit her lip and scanned your body. "Oh, fuck."

"Good oh, fuck or bad oh, fuck?"

"Good, so good," Casey said, pulling you down for a kiss.

"I don't know what I'm doing though, so you'll have to tell me what to do."

Casey snapped up and threw a pillow to. the floor. She pointed to it and said, "On your knees."

You rolled out of bed and did as you were told, placing the pillow under your knees and situating yourself on the floor in front of the bed. Casey sidled up to the edge and let her legs hang off so that you were positioned right in between them. She ran a hand through your hair, her face flushed.

"Fuck, you look pretty like that," she said, breathing in sharply.

"Now what?" you asked.

"Just start with what feels right," Casey said, holding your face in her hands. "I'll help."

"Got it," you said, then shrugged and gave her a thumbs up, which made her giggle. You loved her laugh.

You put your hand around the back of her neck and pulled her into a kiss. You kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her nose. You kissed the space under her chin, the place where her neck met her collarbone, the soft rise of her breasts. Your stomach fluttered as Casey continued to run her hands through your hair, making small noises of pleasure as you made your way down her body.

You kissed her hips, her legs, the backs of her knees, and when you made your way to the inside of her thighs, you found her underwear soaked through, her hips already pushing toward you.

You stared at the underwear. You knew what was next, but you were afraid to start, afraid you'd do it wrong. This was foreign territory, an alien landscape. You wished you'd read an instruction manual.

Casey stifled a laugh and you looked up at her. "What?" you said, only a little terse.

She burst out laughing. "You just look like you're trying to solve a puzzle!"

"Well, it kind of is!" you cried defensively.

"It's okay if you're not ready," she said, running her thumb across your jawline.

"No," you replied, frustrated. "I'm emotionally ready, I just... feel like I should've taken a class or something."

She giggled and leaned down to kiss your forehead. "Look, there's no pressure, okay? You don't have to be good at it. I got you off. That's the best part for me. This is all just a really, really nice bonus. It's just for fun."

"Just for fun," you repeated, exhaling. You started your ministrations again, moving your way up and down her body until you were sure she was ready again.

Staring at her underwear, you took a deep breath and pulled them down. Casey groaned and unknowingly pushed your head toward her center. Just for fun, just for fun, just for fun, you repeated before diving in, tongue first.

But once you were in, god, you never wanted to leave. It wasn't so much the taste, thought it was intoxicating to know that you were tasting her. It wasn't the landscape of it, though you did very much enjoy exploring every corner. It was the way that your every move, every breath, elicited a response from Casey. It was knowing that when she pushed her hips into you, you brought her to it. That when she moaned, it was you drawing it out of her.

You were only briefly interrupted in your successful exploration by Casey saying, "I want you inside me."

"What?" you said, emerging from her thighs, brought out of the moment.

"Oh my god, don't stop," she scolded, shoving your head back down.

"Sorry," you mumbled into her.

"Start with one finger," Casey explained. "I'll tell you when I want more."

Now that you'd conquered the scariest part, you had no hesitation with your hands. You carefully inserted a finger, and if you hadn't already been on your knees, you'd have been brought to them. The warmth of her, the rhythm, the pulse–it was like you were a part of her, really a part of her.

You moaned into her, slowly starting to pump your finger in and out. You were no anatomy expert, but you'd heard of the g-spot. At the very least, you knew there was a lot going on in there. Since Casey seemed to be enjoying herself, you decided to look around, so to speak. You used your finger–careful to keep a steady rhythm–to explore Casey. All the topography of her. You felt a particularly squishy spot and reached your finger back to press into it.

Casey nearly exploded, shoving your head into her and taking you by surprise. "Jesus, Y/N!" she cried. "More of that!"

You panicked a little. "More fingers or more of that spot!?"

"Both, both," she said. "Just keep going and don't stop!"

You wasted no time getting back to work, continuing the pattern of your tongue against her clit and matching it to the rhythm of your now two fingers, reaching back, back and curling into that spot that made Casey lose it.

Her breath came faster and faster, and you could tell she was losing control. Her hands grasped your hair desperately and her hips rose to meet your tongue with every single thrust of your fingers. You felt her body clench around you, pulsating wildly, and Casey clenched your hair so hard you thought she'd pull it out.

You felt her come before you heard her, the vibrations of her body sending you into a bliss you hadn't even known existed. Her legs shook around you, and you moved forward to support her so she wouldn't fall. She quivered around you, moaning as she ground her hips into you. You waited until she was completely spent before pulling out of her, kissing her thighs and licking her off your fingers.

She laid back on the bed, still breathing heavily, and looked up at you. "What are you doing? Come up here," she motioned. You stood, wobbly and more than a little wet, and climbed into the bed next to her, your stomach doing somersaults as she tangled her arms with yours and kissed you.

"Did I do okay?" you asked.

"Okay!?" She raised her eyebrows. "Either I'm a really good teacher or you're a really fast learner."

"Probably both," you said, grinning with pride.

"Probably," she agreed.

Casey traced the freckles on your shoulder and you drew circles on the back of her hand. You were quiet for a while, but eventually you looked at the clock and saw that it was past midnight.

You propped yourself up on your elbow and looked at her. "So, uh, what's the protocol here?"

"The protocol?" she repeated. "This isn't a courtroom. There's no post-sex protocol."

"No, but..." You bit your lip.

"Spit it out," Casey said.

"I'm afraid I'll sound stupid."

"You've already sounded stupid at least five times today. What's one more?"

You glared at her briefly, then continued. "Well, I want to take a shower because I feel sweaty and sticky, and I don't like that. No offense or anything. I like it in the moment, just not... after. And I don't know the protocol! Do I take a shower here or at my house? Do you have an extra towel? I didn't bring a towel. Am I supposed to? Am I supposed to have travel soap? Do I sleep here or at home? If I don't go home, will it be awkward in the morning?"

By now, you were just spiraling, but you couldn't stop yourself. "What if you tell me I can stay and then I do because I want to spend more time with you, but really you were just being polite and you're tired of me. And then I do that every time, so you get really, really tired of me and want to break up? Or what if–"

"Jesus, Y/N," Casey said, planting a kiss on your lips to quiet you. "I want you to stay. And I think you know me well enough to know that I don't say things I don't mean."

"Promise?" you asked, twirling your fingers.

"Promise. Now for the other stuff..."

Casey pulled herself out of bed and you immediately missed her body next to yours. She walked to the closet, stark naked, and rummaged around. You hated yourself a little bit for it, but you couldn't keep your eyes off her ass. You were still reeling that she'd let you fuck her. And she'd enjoyed it.

"Are you staring at my ass?" she accused, smirking as she interrupted your reverie.

Your face flushed. "No..." you said, averting your eyes.

Casey threw a clean towel at you and draped another over her shoulder. "Come on. Let's clean you up."

You leapt off the bed and followed. After tonight, you'd follow her anywhere.

#casey novak #casey novak x reader #casey novak one shot #casey novak drabble #casey novak smut #law and order svu #svu #neurodivergent #autistic #casey novak x autistic reader #x autistic reader #casey novak fanfic

107 notes · View notes