#i feel so miserable and so numb at the same time and this. shouldn't be fucking happening i

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Compromise: cbf!soap x f!reader

Despite what you said you spent every moment of your free time waiting for Johnny.

It was subconscious at first. You constantly looked at your phone for any missing texts or phone calls, or a voicemail. Eventually you found yourself waiting for him to reach out.

The months went by and there was nothing.

You went to class and studied with your mind on Johnny. You had no clue how basic training worked, if he had any free time or if he decided to completely cut you off. You couldn't blame him but you never thought it that much because it made you feel awful.

Ever since he left you had felt incredibly numb. You weren't sure if that was worse than feeling miserable all the time, though you did know if you didn't keep yourself busy you'd probably either be crying too much or would just be frozen.

By the end of October you were used to it. This was going to be the way your life would be until the heartbreak wore off, until his absence was only mildly upsetting.

You sat on your bed in your dorm one evening and your phone rang.

You hesitated to pick it up for only a second before you saw that it was him, it was Johnny.

"Johnny?" You asked immediately, your vision blurring and your throat tightening.

"You picked up...!" He sounded surprised and relieved.

A few tears fell at the sound of his voice but you felt relief, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

"Yeah, um, how is it? How are you?" You asked him as you wiped away the tears.

"It's good, I'm good." He was vague but you didn't really care. "Better now that I'm talking to you."

"Me too."

You both went silent but it was comforting knowing that he was on the other end of the phone. You wondered what this meant, if maybe he was coming home.

"What's going on?" You wondered hopefully. "Are you finished...?"

"Yeah, basic training is over but I'll be going to advanced training tomorrow." He explained and you frowned.

You shouldn't have gotten so hopeful.

"Oh...how long is that going to be?" You asked and tried to hide your disappointment.

"Depends. It might be until the end of April." He said and you sighed.

That was seven months from now. And there was no telling that he'd even come home after that. He might have to go to another training he might start work.

You both we're already nineteen by now too (having missed each other's birthdays since he was gone). Would he be twenty before he came home? Would he come home at all?

"But I'll have a lot more time to call..." He trailed off and you perked up. "If that's something-"

"You had better call me when you can!" You exclaimed and he barked out a laugh.

"I will, I promise."

It was like the seeing the sun again after constant rain. You stayed on the phone with him for hours catching up with him the best either of you could. Just being able to hear him, to know that he was going to call you again was enough to have you feeling better than you had in months.

It was well into the night when you started falling asleep. You had classes in the morning and you didn’t care but the day was catching up to you.

“I should go.” Johnny said and you huffed.

“Don’t want you to.” You mumbled and he sighed.

“I’ll try to call you tomorrow.”

You hid your face in your pillow trying to your hardest to not get upset. You didn’t want to say goodbye, you didn’t want to possibly never hear him again.

You just wanted him with you again.

“I miss you.” You whispered.

“I miss you too.” He said back softly.

Neither of you were willing to end the call for a couple minutes. You knew both of you needed to go to bed but you just couldn’t.

“Goodnight, bonnie.” He said and you sniffled.

“Goodnight, Johnny. I love you.”

Silence.

“I love you too.”

Johnny ended the call and you stared into your dark room for a couple minutes.

You hoped he would call again tomorrow.

A/n: see alls great! *pushes upcoming angst away* promise

Tags: @elysian0612 @cassiecasluciluce @pepsicolacoochie @hayleybarnesx @tiredmetalenthusiast @misshoneypaper @sodavrr @ghostslittlegf

#cbf!soap #john soap mctavish x reader #john soap mctavish x you #john soap mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish x you #soap x reader #soap x you #john soap mactavish #johnny soap mctavish x reader #johnny soap mctavish x you #johnny soap mactavish

[theabysss]

Dance

pairing: sagau!Arlecchino x Reader

summary: The performance is over, the hall is empty and only the two of you are dancing on the stage.

warnings/tags: gn!Reader, religious + cult themes, possessive & obsessive thoughts, yandere.

word count: 1k.~

note: This lovely lady knocked down my entire fic-writing schedule and shamelessly got into the queue, but I forgive her. After all, she is my wife.

The performance ended and the sound of loud applause still hung in the air. The audience had already left, the actors had gone to their dressing rooms, and the hall was completely empty, except for the two of you.

Arlecchino followed you as a shadow as you descended from your loggia and ascended to the stage. You looked around the hall with interest and turned your gaze to her. She managed to keep her outer composure under your scanning gaze, but inside her, anxiety began to slowly rise. Is there something wrong with her looks? Before she had time to get completely flustered, you walked up to her and smiled as you held out your hand to her.

"Dance?"

Her heart skips a beat and she peers into your face in amazement, her mouth slightly parted and she tries to say at least something, but the words freeze on her lips. You looked at her so tenderly, waiting for her answer, Arlecchino swallowed hard, your kindness was often sung in songs, but the encounter with this, amazed, shocked, stole all the air from her lungs.

You did her such an honor with your invitation, here on the stage you stood patiently waiting for her answer, as if you thought that she could refuse you. She would never do that, Arlecchino never refused the gifts of fate.

You were too kind a god, graciously distributing your grace to everyone, even those who did not really deserve it. Arlecchino clenched her hand into a fist, digging her nails into her palm, these disgusting miserable creatures, none of them had the right to bask in the rays of your strength, enjoy your attention. To tear them apart, mutilate them so that the thought of meeting with you would not dare to come to mind.

She shook her head to drive away bad thoughts and finally carefully put her hand in yours, as if afraid that it would melts like dew in the morning.

When you pull her to you, goosebumps go down the back of Arlecchino, you were so close and it clouded her mind better than any wine or fire water from Snezhnay.

You were the Creator of Teyvat, the God she prayed to as a little girl, standing in the cold with numb fingers that she didn't feel at all then. A weak child who spent hours in front of your statue on the street in the small village where she lived. Then it seemed to her that a wild cold settled right in her bones, but Arlecchino did not stop, whispering the words of prayer with her blue, cracked lips.

Your hand on her lower back, burning heat penetrated through the layers of clothing and seemed to reach the heart in a warm wave. Arlecchino put her hand on your shoulder and licked her dry lips. As you gently intertwined your fingers, she bit her bottom lip with force almost to the point of blood.

As a child, she could not even dream of the opportunity to see you live, to stand so close that she could feel your breath on her face. She tries to snuggle even closer to you and draws in the air next to your skin, enjoying your natural scent. Bliss.

You start dancing and Arlecchino obediently moves with you in the same rhythm, adjusting to your pace. Another step, turn, the hem of her tailcoat develops behind her, following the movements. The sound of Arlecchino's heels echoes through the empty hall. Her body was filled with a weightlessness that she had not felt before, as if she had wings growing behind her back. Next to you it has always been like this, life is usually gray and tasteless filled with colors.

She keeps her eyes on you, absorbing every change of emotion on your face. Greedily, inextricably as your faithful follower shouldn't have done, but she just couldn't stop. Closer, get even closer to you, until she becomes the one you trust the most, get rid of all the annoying insects spinning around you. So that your warmth, your tenderness, belong only to her.

Music begins to play softly, gradually becoming louder, sounding from all sides.

"I think it will be better with music."

A playful smile appears on your face and Arlecchino wants to kiss it. Right now, press her lips to yours, steal your breath and never breathe out again, keeping a part of you in yourself.

Seconds pass adding up into minutes, the time of your closeness that Arlecchino burns into her memory, stores like gems in a cache. The awkward movement leading up to a brief contact of yours thighs sends shivers up her back and leaves her legs weak.

Your shadows under the harsh spotlight look inseparable, merged so strongly and completely that they are unable to part.

The last chords that put a bitter taste in Arlecchino's mouth and mark the end of her happiness. The footsteps slow down and you freeze under the ensuing deafening silence. Arlecchino's back arched, supported only by your hand, your faces so close to each other that she could count your eyelashes. The smallest distance between your lips beckoned to reduce it, to succumb to passion, to let go of control.

You close your eyes and gently touch your lips to hers. Cautiously, as if Arlecchino were an expensive crystal that threatened to break from any careless movement, tremulously like the touch of a butterfly's wings. Arlecchino deepens the kiss, her hand moving to the back of your head. You were like spring water, your taste was sweet and refreshing, only making her want more. No matter how much she try, there will always be little, a thirst that could not be quenched.

Arlecchino wasn't about to let you go, not after she got so close. She will convince you that she is the best, that she is more worthy than any of your followers, be they archons or ordinary owners of vision. Anything for you, just be close to her, save all your smiles and tenderness only for her. All you are only for her.

Reblogs, comments, are always greatly appreciated! ヽ(o^ ^o)ﾉ

#I want to sing the praises of Arlecchino #She stole my heart #(❤ω❤) #theabysss writes #genshin impact sagau #genshin sagau #genshin impact sagau x reader #sagau #genshin x reader #sagau x reader #sagau cult au #yandere arlecchino #sagau arlecchino x reader #sagau arlecchino

[thecameronchronicles]

Midsummers

TW: Brief angst. Smut. Language.  DOM!Rafe.

SUMMARY: The night that was supposed to be the one you'd always dreamed of takes an unexpected, and erotic, turn, with an unexpected person. 

WORD COUNT: 2700

REQUESTED:

hiii i have a rafe request if you get the chance!! maybe a sarah’s friend reader who gets cheated on by jj, so sarah makes rafe ask her to midsummers and things get spicy!? love your writing💕🥰

Midsummers

You had spent the last two weeks barreling through boutique after boutique just to get the perfect dress for tonight. Where others would use tonight to display their riches through some ensemble or conversation about upcoming events within their lives, you had articulated every detail to raise your confidence enough to finally act on your crush. But as you stood before the mirror with Sarah's encouraging words swirling in your mind, you were blissfully unaware of the second set of eyes that had made note of you. Still a set of eyes wore the same Cameron name, but not the ones you expected. And ones you never noticed having observed you this way. Just as they always had. 

"Whoa!" Topper exclaimed as you emerged from within the rear of the Island Inn Resort where the annual Midsummers event was being held. 

"I just saw him..." Sarah explained as you looked at the small collective of pogues banding together once JJ happened to draw the attention of one of the security guards. But as you'd hoped to have finally had a chance to express your unwavering feelings for him, you watched him dote over Kiara. The way she stood up for him. The way he wrapped her into a spin as she left the scene had been enough to not only squander your feelings for him but also any possibility of him learning of why you'd spent so much time in an appearance you usually left decorated barely. 

"All pogues are idiots." Rafe's voice sent your hand to your cheeks to quickly brush away any  evidence of your heartache. 

"They shouldn't even be allowed on the property...broke so many glasses that Rose is going to have a conniption." You scoffed at this as you saw the beginning of this take hold as she was just in earshot to hear her rage against members of the help. 

"Drink?" He offered as you looked at the bottle he'd hijacked from behind the bar and considered the numb feeling it could offer. But much like a crush, you knew the risk and ride was not worth the hangover the next day. 

"I think I'll just go home..."

"What? No! At least not until you dance with me.'

"Rafe Cameron doesn't dance."

"He does right now." He stood, extending his hand as you led him towards the remainder of the guests before he pulled you back towards him. 

"For you." A soft sway began with the distant music supplying the perfect ambiance for what should have been a pristine romantic moment. But in your attempts to feel such things, you would be met with that dull ache of a broken heart. Yet, there existed a comfort in his arms. A safety. All because he was the friend you'd known and appreciated, even despite his flaws. The soft pattern of his heartbeat existed as a lullaby of sorts to your tired pain as you basked in it as long as you could. 

"Guys like JJ can't appreciate beautiful things..." Rafe explained as he'd pulled away from you just long enough to brush a hair from your cheek. 

"They just taint it...But...Can I ask you something?" You nodded, his soft eyes suddenly evading your own. 

"I overheard you and Sarah...all the shit you did for him tonight...and...I just...why him? I mean you could have any guy here...So...why some pogue who doesn't even notice it?"

"Because I don't want to be stuck, Rafe. I can see it in so many people here. The way they look deadpanned at everything and... they're miserable and it's terrifying. So I want a love, even for just the summer, that I can look back on and know it's possible...even if it hurts." 

"And you thought Maybank was that?"

"I hoped." Suddenly Rafe surprised you, a hand set on either cheek as his steps stopped. 

"What if someone felt the same about you? Maybe someone you didn't...notice?"

"Rafe?" His lips rushed against yours. 

He was a friend. He was your best friend's brother. But he was also always there when you needed him. He was a source of a smile when your cheeks were stained with tears. He was those arms you ran to when you had moments like this. Most of them having been founded on convenient timing or the fact Sarah was busy. But you'd never thought of him beyond those former titles. Because of what he was. Forbidden. A risk. And yet, the way he held you now, you would wage war against the world to keep his touch to you. 

His fingers were behaved at your hips but informing you of his need as he dug into the satin fabric beneath the curved fingertips. Once he was relieved to find your response to him, he used that grip to bring you harder into him. A tongue brushing your bottom lip sent your lips into a delicate part whereas your fingers became wrapped around the lapels of his suit, leading him even closer. 

"Rafe-" The breathless sound of his name led him to need more of you. All of you. But he was too impatient to guide you to any of the room of the hotel. Instead, he pulled you to the direction of the nearby wall where he could bask in your winded pattern of attempted breathing. 

"The first thing he should have done was told you how beautiful you look..." He explained while his hands moved down from your cheeks and to your hips, tracing over your breasts with a sinister grin that informed you that he knew his exact effect on you. 

"I watched you stand in front of that mirror fixing every hair...every line made in the dress as you checked yourself from every angle. All wanting to look perfect for someone who isn't deserving of seeing you in this dress...much less out of it..." Your cheeks flushed in crimson as your lips parted to speak. 

"I want to earn it. Even if it takes all night...I want to earn each and every one of those little moans and whimpers he'll never know..." Your eyes widened before he kissed you again. This time, one hand at your breast as the other lowered between your legs. A slit of your dress made this possible as you relaxed your stance, only to feel it then tighten from his touch. He teased your sex over your clothed clit before setting your leg at his hip. His thumb brushed the sight of your panties, possible from this angle and the fit of your dress. 

"You chose blue for him? Be honest." You nodded before he suddenly tore them from your hip. A gasp emerged behind illuminated yet lust blown eyes. 

"You wear red for me. Or you wear nothing." His hand took a form but cautious hold of your jaw. "If you choose nothing, you're giving every consent to let me touch you when I want. And I'll take it. Whenever. Wherever..." 

"Please..." Your cheeks became feverish from his words. The simple idea of him, in any context, was unbelievable. And yet, he was the salve to your raw wound. 

"You think I'd let anyone else see that face right now...let alone when you come? I don't think so...I've earned it...why do they get to enjoy it?"

"Please, Rafe...I'll be quiet." To this, his lips spread into a wide grin. 

"You don't understand. I want you to scream for me...only me." He led the hand to your face down to your hand before he collected your panties and brought you into the heart of the hotel. Guests who knew both of your families had attempted to stop you, but Rafe made an excuse you did care to note. 

"You got a room?" You asked as he pinned you against the door as it came open, the sound access granted by an electronic click making your heart skip in excitement. 

"The suite for the chair of the committee. It's Rose's niece's...but she's busy with Kelce...So tonight… it's ours and you're mine." He paused for a second. 

"If you want to be. You get one chance to walk away-" 

"I don't want to."

"I can't promise to be gentle..." You took a step closer to him, hands back on the lapels of his suit. 

"I don't want gentle. I want..."

"I'll give you everything you've ever wanted. All you have to do is say it." He explained. 

"You." He collected you into a tender kiss as your fingers were desperate to assess him. The stone torso beneath rose with humor validated from a smirk. 

"We have all night..."

"I need to feel you...all of you.." He grunted. 

"Take this dress off. Slowly." You bit your bottom lip as he pulled his cufflinks loose. Your eyes remained on his before he moved to you again. 

"I changed my mind, turn around." You obliged, now facing the bed as you felt him remove your zipper. Your breath hitched to the bare skin kissed by the backs of his knuckles. 

"He doesn't deserve to see you like this..." He explained as you turned to face him. 

"Jesus..." He released a deep exhale as you ran your hands at his naked torso. But as you tried to adore his physique as you allowed him, your wrists were bound. But only for a breath as he led you towards the bed. 

"You're so fucking beautiful. I could stare at you all night. But I've done that for the last five years...I think my patience should be rewarded." Before you could speak, you were taken to the bed until his weight pinned you beneath him. You were pulled to his desire, hands set over your head. 

"Don't move them unless it's to grip the sheets." You nodded as he began a trail of kisses from your jaw to your navel, taking a moment to appreciate each breast. 

"I didn't think you'd grip them quite yet...'

"But your hands feel so good..."

"I'm just getting started, baby..." He continued his descent until he came over your sex. His breath leaving you cold beneath as he smirked  to the way you groaned for him. The expression of necessity making him lick his lips. 

"You can be as loud as you want for me. Don't insult me by trying to be all ladylike..." He offered one final cast of the raise of his grin before his tongue came to your clit. 

"You already taste so good for me...all for me." You nodded as you reached for his hair, his body quickly returning your hands over your head. 

"You only pull when you're about to come...you're already so wet it's hard to tell." Your eyes rolled as he projected his ringed finger inside of you while his tongue returned to work. 

"Rafe!" You belted. 

"Mmm... you taste so good..." He retreated, pulling your legs wider as you fisted into the sheets above your head. 

"You really think Maybank would know how to make you grip those sheets like that?" 

"No!"

"Prove it...Say my name again. Just as desperately as before. Like you want him to hear you." As you agreed by doing exactly as he asked, he smirked into you as he built you to that orgasm. 

"How do you wanna come-"

"I don't care!" 

"I'm only going to be able to let you do it once before I need to. So tell me-"

"Right here! Don't stop!"

He teased a lick of his lips before nodding. His motions were slowed but thorough as he was a means to the way of your release. 

"Rafe!"

"You know what to do if you're close." Whimpering behind a bottom lip clenched by your teeth, you tugged tightly as his hair now disheveled by your grip. 

"Come on my face, baby..." He spoke quickly, returning to you once again as your hips were held down by his grip as you lost control in the waves made by your back. Arching and clenching, whimpering and pleading, all until you spilled over his grin. He looked at you with a wide grin. .

"Oh baby...you made such a big mess..." His smirk widened even further. 

"I want an even bigger one on my cock." He turned you to your stomach, kissing you in a rather awkward but adjusted bend, as you were taken upwards.

"This ass is almost perfect..." A slap made you yelp as his lips nearly reached his ears with pride. 

"Now it is. My handprint right here..." He rugged the assaulted skin. "Just as it should be." 

"You want my cock baby? How about we beg one more time for me? Yeah? Just one?" He almost latinized as you nodded. 

"Please, Rafe. I need you inside me..." 

"Then put me there..." He teased you with his naked cock, a motion you were too wrapped in your own bliss to notice he'd made. 

"Good girl. You know where it goes...slowly...I could come with how fucking wet and tight you already are..." You struggled to keep your moans compressed as you guided him into you. 

"Bring it back slowly baby..." He orchestrated you through his order as he guided your hair into his fist and pulled you to his chest. 

"You feel that right there?" He flexed his cock inside of you,making you shudder. .

"This is how it should always be. When it isn't in your mouth or hand..." 

"Rafe-" 

"But for right now...you're gonna prove I'm the one you're thinking of. So make me come...and maybe I'll let you just one more time..." 

"Ahhh..." You began to main as he brought you into a steady rhythm you were guided to upkeep.  Your eyes rolled to how deep and full he left you feeling the walls of your sex clenching to him just as gluttonous as his nails had been to you. 

"Fuck! You feel like heaven..." You moaned. "Faster..." You obliged, your body moving in slow strides to him, accelerating to this request. 

"Rafe please!"

"What are you begging for? If you want something, you can get it, baby...just ask..."

"Fuck me?"

"Like you mean it..."

"Fuck me, Rafe!"

"Here?" He asked, a harsh thrust stilling your movements as he continued to tease you. 

"Oh, you wanna come again? Isn't that a bit greedy?"

"I don't care...you feel so good...please..." 

"With a hand wrapped around your breast, he pulled you even closer to him. 

"You haven't even felt me here..." He explained while brushing your bottom lip. 

"Next time. I wanna feel you come inside me! Please!" You shook over him as he smirked. 

"Who am I to deny to my girl?" He began steady but unkind. Harsh thrusts led him pounding into you as the bed squeaked at mercy. Care and compassion were damned as you were taken to the crest of that second high and he was at the precipice of his first. 

"You feel so damn good, I could come inside you all night."

"Yes! Please!"

"Let's see how you handle one...you're already shaking for me baby..."

"I'm close!"

"No you're not." He explained until he began making small circles at your clit. 

"Now you are..." He smirked. This humor fading for pleasure as you felt him lead the charge to a mutual release. Perfect foreplay and timing had you calling out for one another in grunts and groans as he pulled you swiftly against his hips. 

"Tell me. Tell me whose fucking you like this."

"Rafe-!"

"Tell me whose cock owns your pussy whenever I wanna come."

"RAFE!"

"And tell me who you belong to from this moment on!" He cursed behind clenched teeth. 

"Rafe Cameron!" 

"I love how you say my name when you come." He breathed in finality, your orgasm prompting his own, as he pulled you back to his chest. Sweat connecting you as a trophy of such an example. 

"How about I make you say it again?" 

TAGLIST: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @onmykneesforrafe @drews1love @phildunphyisadilf @mashdan0916

MASTERLIST

RAFE CAMERON MASTERLIST

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[dareactions]

I just have a few requests x3

How about the companions react to a Young!Inquisitor reacting to solas's betrayal by saying this: "I dont know why I was surpprised, everyone I have ever loved has either left me,died,betrayed me somehow,or given me copious amounts of trauma. I'm kinda numb to it all at this point" and they stop hiding their emotions and they just look....so old? Like almost broken old?

I return just to hit y'all w the angst hammer im so sorry. (I'm not <3)

Solas goes first bcs he is a big meanie and should feel bad for hurting poor young!inquisitor smh

Solas: It's not the answer he expects or the response he wants. There's no doubt that he knew from the beginning that he'd hurt them, that no matter what happened they would look at him as if he'd lit their entire life on fire and watched it burn down but not once had he even considered that they'd look so- aged. There's a horrifyingly burning feeling in his chest and he wants to grab their shoulders and beg for them to be angry, kick, scream- do anything a normal person would. But instead, they're just staring at him so exhausted and for once Solas feels dread.

Cassandra: Her first initial feeling, is anger. Cassandra always responds to things with that first burst of fiery rage and need for justice, but once that passes it's just the need to protect. She finally understands her own brother, a bit. Cassandra helps in the only ways she knows, holding the Inquisitor until they finally let themself cry, and after that, she makes it her own personal life goal to cave in the skull of anyone who ever makes them make that expression again. She considers for just a moment if maybe she is part of the problem (she knows she is, she remembers the first time they met in that cell), but she can't bring herself to think about it.

Blackwall: He knows he is part of the problem, of that long list of people who have lied and turned tail when it came down to it. And fuck if he doesn't feel bad. Blackwall hates to admit that he is an expert in self-pity but he really can't help the wave of self-hatred that seeing the Inquisitor like that brings. He has never seen someone young seem so old but then he remembers young soldiers, young mages, and templars all with that same dead look in their eyes. Blackwall turns away, he might make them small trinkets and keep an eye on them but he is nowhere near brave enough to look them in the face for nearly a week after that.

Dorian: So, he is adopting them- everyone shut up, you don't get to pick. It's his younger sibling now and as their new legal guardian, he would want everyone to back the fuck off. Dorian is the most likely I think to fall into the attempts of regaining normalcy for the Inquisitor. He treats them the same, doesn't matter what horrifying piece of information they may have dropped he keeps the same level of jest and care between them. But he is more keen-eyed on making sure nobody gets too close, that nobody says something that no teenager or child should year. Nothing is more horrifying than a Pavus with protective habits, let me tell you that much.

Sera: I love Sera, but she is fucking horrid with the emotional support and she knows it. Sera will step around like she is walking on glass shards, get annoyed and say something bordering on insensitive and then realize what she has done- and try her best to mend things. Sera forgot their age, she said and had them help with things that maybe a child shouldn't deal with but no child in Ferelden isn't broken a little bit, so she isn't entirely sure how to navigate someone so numb to it all. Sera of course suggests crime, that always makes her feel better and it'll make them feel better for sure.

Iron Bull: See, the Inquisitor is a member of the Bull's Chargers. That means they're family and they're looking so fucking miserable and sad right now that it just means that he kicks into that need to protect. Bull knows better than to lean onto his past mistakes and regrets, think about everything he could've done better at this point to protect them. He just is more weary, more aware of their age- he does his best to keep some semblance of childhood in their life even if its far too late. And if things get too hard he pats their shoulder, leans down and reminds them 'horns pointed up, chin high' because nobody can take them down and if they are too numb to go on then he'll just have to re-ignite their flame.

Varric: Oh, he has seen that look before. Hawke carried it like a horrifying shadow of dread after their mom, after everything. He remembers the glazed over look, the empty tone of voice and the exhaustion. The way nothing is hidden on their face and he hates it. A part of Varric had promised himself to not let it get to this point, and he failed miserably. Varric never saw himself as much of a parental figure but somehow he falls into one pretty easily after that reveal, he is far less willing to let things slide. Varric is the first to admit he will put a bolt through Solas throat if he sees him again though.

Vivienne: She sees that expression, hears those words and she sees red. If you've ever seen this woman mad you've never seen her mad like this and it's like watching a mother lion with its cub. It's almost laughable when people try to get too close to do something after this, it's as if the Inquisitor has their own personal mom to freeze people at will now. She can't undo that hurt, she knows she can't, but she sure as hell can help them in the future.

Cole: Oh this poor lad, he feels that pain into his very core and it makes him feel like he will shatter and break himself. Cole is hovering, but not in the way that Cass of Vivienne is- he hovers in a surprisingly...helpful way. Cole whispers words of comfort, reminds them of the good and is well aware of when to be quiet. Sometimes he can help, not with everything, but this he can help with and he does so the only way he knows- words of truth and letting the Inquisitor wear his hat and hug him, obviously.

#its my comeback tour #cole #dragon age writing #dragon age inquisiton #cassandra pentaghast #vivienne de fer #blackwall #solas #iron bull #the iron bull #sera #dorian pavus #young!inquisitor #dragon age reacts

[stainedglasstruth]

TIMING: Early October LOCATION: Teagan's cabin PARTIES: Andy (@declinlalune) & Arden (@stainedglasstruth) SUMMARY: After escaping the goo covered building, Andy gives Arden a ride back to Teagan's cabin. CONTENT WARNINGS: Mentions of parental death

After finding Nicole and taking her back to Leah’s, Andy had learned that Teagan had been lost to whatever the hell had taken over most of Worm Row. She wasn’t sure what that meant for the nix, only that there’d be others hoping for her return to the land of the living. Andy hoped that Teagan being encased in goo was not a permanent fixture of Worm Row, but rather a temporary one. She knew that with the attack on Nicole, she couldn’t just ask Leah for information on what was going on. She’d need to figure it out herself. 

Arden was terrified, that much was clear, even by communication online. Andy was worried for both of her friends, even if Arden hadn’t been encased in anything at all. She knew fear, and she knew it could redirect pretty much any sense of reason into something else. Andy pulled up next to where Arden stood on the curb and she reached over, opening the door for her. This felt so much like their last meeting, but on the complete opposite side of things, too. Andy didn’t bother asking her if she was okay, because one look at her told her she wasn’t. Once Arden was in the jeep, Andy pulled away and started to drive towards Teagan’s cabin. “I haven’t got any more info on how to get rid of the goo, but I’m not stopping looking.” She glanced over at her friend, worry etching her features, “but we’ll get her out. I promise.” 

—

Arden had been sitting on a bench at the edge of the Common staring blankly ahead of her when the familiar Jeep came into sight. Grabbing her bag, and the cat carrier containing one slightly fussy calico– as well as a small cardboard box with holes stabbed into the sides because her life was stupid– she stood, walking up to the curb as Andy pulled up. She climbed in, getting settled with her bag at her feet and the carrier on her lap before closing the door and turning to Andy.

“Thank you, for... this,“ she said quietly, waving vaguely around them. It was almost funny, being back in the passenger seat. So much had happened, had changed, since June that it nearly felt like she was an entirely different person than the one who had been nervously sitting in Andy's car. And at the same time, she still felt like that same nineteen-year-old whose best friend had just been declared missing by the WRPD, the same sixteen-year-old whose father hadn’t come home.

”I–“ She bit her tongue as her eyes began to sting slightly, looking up as if that could help keep the tears at bay. Arden didn't know what to say to that. So, of course her mind clung to those last words and her stupid brain tried to make a joke, the barest hint of a dark smile on her face. “Shouldn't make promises–” you can't keep. But she couldn't bring herself to actually say it, so she pivoted, finishing lamely, “–like that. Especially not here.”

She looked down, only to catch sight of the ring on her finger. It was a dainty thing, silver vines and leaves all intertwined to make almost a crown. Opening the zipper of the carrier ever so slightly, she stuck her hand in, giving Hobbes some attention. He, like Tinkerbell, would die if he went without it for any extensive period of time, after all. While she couldn't see the ring at the moment, she could still feel the foreign weight of it on her finger– a constant reminder. Despite the shock or numbness or whatever the fuck was making her feel this awful fucking feeling that she hadn't felt in years, she still felt fucking miserable.

Another fucked up joke– though, unlike her life, she wasn’t even sure if this counted as a joke– slipped out. “I don't think I'm capable of giving up looking for answers? As far as my track record goes, anyway.” Her track record for finding those answers, however... “Always been too damn stubborn. Think Emilio and I might strangle each other one of these days.”

Why the fuck was she talking? None of this made any sense to Andy. Hell, it barely made sense to her. Arden shook her head, her eyes still trained on her cat, who was enjoying the skritches. She couldn't get herself to look up at Andy, and see the worried look on her face. ”Sorry, I'm just— Words. I don't know what the fuck I'm even talking about.“ Good job. 

—

Andy looked down at the carrier that Arden held, then back up at her friend. 

“You don’t need to thank me.” The comment was layered, both because she hoped Arden knew that she would have done this for her regardless, and because it was Wicked’s Rest where a thank you could get you in deep shit. Then again, she’d just extended a promise towards Teagan’s situation. “Yeah, I know, but I know that you’re…” not fae, Andy wanted to add, “anything to worry about with that.” She gripped the steering wheel tightly as she took the road leading back towards Darkling Lake. 

There was an awful silence that fell between the two of them. The weight of what happened to Teagan festered, creating something terrible out of every thought that passed through Andy’s head. What if they didn’t get her out? What if the rest of those in the town who’d been consumed by the weird fucking goo also didn’t get out? Would they remain tethered to the ground they walked on for the rest of eternity, encased in something nobody seemed to understand? 

Andy glanced over at Arden as she began to speak. “If he asks for money for his jar, ignore him.” She didn’t bother clarifying as she took another turn. “We’ll figure it out.” She could have asked Leah, but with what happened with Nicole, Andy wasn’t sure now was the time. She’d have her hands full. Maybe she could ask to browse the restricted section of her shop for some answers without help. 

Arden apologized and Andy shook her head. “You don’t need to say sorry. It’s a… weird and fucked up situation.” Another turn. “I don’t…” She wet her lower lip with her tongue, sorting through the words she wanted to say, doing her best to make sure they were articulate enough considering the situation, “really know what the fuck the goo is, but I’m not really a stranger to any of this. I know a lot more than I let on.” She glanced over at Arden, “so that being said, we’ll figure it out.” 

—

Noticing Andy’s look, she absentmindedly explained. "Oh, right. This is my cat, Hobbes. Also, Kevin the toad's in the box– I don't even know how to explain that one, but it's Teagan's fault." She frowned as the words left her mouth. Was it more accurate to say was? Arden didn't know. She didn’t know, and that was one of the biggest problems. No one seemed to know anything about the goo aside from it turning living beings into statues. But were they alive? Could they breathe? Were they awake and aware of what was happening? What about food and water? Was Teagan okay??? Could they actually get her out???

Shit, had she thanked her? Dumbass. Her brain was a mess, but she absolutely should know better. At least it appeared that Andy wasn’t planning to hold her words against her. And apparently knew enough about fae to know about binds, to know that she wasn’t one. Was she fae? Did she know about Teagan? Part of her wanted to ask, to stop talking around this shit– she didn’t have the energy for it. However, there was also a louder part that didn’t exactly want to talk about any of it, either. She wasn't feeling up to much of anything at the moment.

The topic of promise binds only served to fill her mind with thoughts of the nix, of their first encounter, their table at A Latte to Love, that very stinky tour of Downtown. Arden was overwhelmed by the need to talk about it, about her, but she didn’t want to out Teagan, didn’t want to hear any apologies or empty promises. She didn’t want sympathy, she just wanted her girlfriend here, okay. She just wanted for the people she loved to be safe, but that was clearly too big of an ask for Wicked’s Rest. 

With only minimal protest from Hobbes, she freed her hand from the carrier, and began to fidget with the ring once more, worrying away at it with her thumb. She almost didn’t hear Andy’s comment, but her mouth worked faster than her brain. “Oh, I usually do,” she replied, a half-assed grin on her face. It didn’t last long, though, quickly melting back into the slight frown that seemed to have become her new norm. We’ll figure it out. 

“I hope so.” And, as quietly as she said it, it did sound more like a wish than an actual response. It was all she could do– hope, wish. Of course, there was always research, but Arden had a feeling that would be as fruitless as her attempts to find anything on Jo or Erebus had been. She would be useless, as always. 

I know a lot more than I let on. Her brow raised at those words. Interesting. That did seem to be accurate, though, and it made her wonder how Andy had become involved in any of this to begin with. “Oh. Well… same,” she admitted. There wasn't much point in hiding that much anymore. “Despite what my articles might have you think.” 

—

Kevin was a weird name for a toad, but then again, she and Alex had named their dog puppy-eye, so there wasn’t really much Andy could do in terms of judging Arden for that one. Hobbes, on the other hand, was a good name for a cat. “I want a story time later. About the toad, I mean. Hobbes, I think I understand.” Or she’d try to. 

Silence ensnared them once again and Andy swore she felt the floor of her car coming up to swallow her whole. She wasn’t sure how she was going to help in getting Teagan out, or if she even could. She knew she wanted to, but what powers did she have to do so? She had strength, sure, but it seemed like there was a lot more needed than brute force alone. She hated that she couldn’t help in a way better than filling Arden with ideas of grandeur that they would in fact rescue Teagan. 

“He needs a wakeup call, anyway. With being ignored. He talks a lot.” Andy took another turn down the dirt road that’d lead towards Teagan’s cabin. She remembered where each and every trap was, so she avoided them with ease. If anything, whatever Teagan had set out might just pop a tire or two, but it wasn’t exactly something Andy wanted to deal with, not now. 

Arden explained that she knew everything and more, too, and Andy tried to remember if Teagan had let on that Arden knew about her— about this world and the fact that she was fae. Andy figured that she did, but in the event that she didn’t, she didn’t want to out her friend. What a secret to keep from somebody, though. Andy parked her jeep across from the cabin and looked over at Arden. “We should um— there are traps and stuff. We should be careful.” She got out of the jeep and rounded over to Arden’s door, pulling it open. She held out her hand for the cat carrier, suddenly being reminded of her moments in the pet store with Leticia. Would she not even be able to look at a cat the same way? How unfortunate. “She had some stuff cooking— there’s food in there, still. If you’re hungry?” She didn’t want to help herself to Teagan’s things, but she figured if she were trying to help Arden with a distraction of some kind, then her friend would understand. 

—

Her lips twitched up into a ghost of a smile. “Yeah, okay.” Later. She definitely wasn't in the right headspace to tell the tale of her toilet-dwelling roommate at the moment, too dazed and empty to convey the ridiculousness of the situation, of her life, really, since Teagan had walked into it.  Was this it then? Teagan just strolled on in, stole her heart, turned her life upside down, and then vanished? Just like that? Was that the end of the story?

It was the reality of living in a place like Wicked's Rest, though, wasn't it? Of dating a supernatural being– one who seemed to enjoy pissing off hunters, no less– of opening herself up to others again, after moving back to a town plagued by chaos and death. Nearly watching her friends die in front of her, seeing the people she loved hunted, tortured, simply for whom, for what, they were– it just came with the territory, right? Seeing people hurt and killed, hurting and killing, drowning in their sorrows and guilty consciences, tortured by their awful pasts, looking for somewhere to escape to. 

Maybe she had the right idea before. Maybe Zack and Sully were the smartest of them, getting the fuck out of town before their luck ran out. Maybe if she were as smart as she claimed to be, she would follow in their footsteps.

It felt like admitting defeat, though. And as defeated as she felt right then, there was still hope in her stupid heart, she was still too goddamn stubborn for her own good. And she had never been able to stop her annoyingly obsessive mind, her overwhelming sense of curiosity, her need to understand. Despite it all, despite all the insane and dangerous bullshit, Arden cared about the people here, she cared about this weird little town, this sanctuary for the preternatural. It was her home, after all, and she couldn't just leave her hometown to whatever the fuck was happening– because something was happening, that much was clear. Something bad. She couldn't leave the people she had grown to care about here, especially in the face of whatever was going on. She couldn’t leave Wynne or her mother or any of her friends– Andy included. And she certainly couldn't just leave Leah again or leave Teagan stuck as a fucking statue, or leave that empty fucking grave that would just continue to haunt her for the rest of her damn life. 

Arden wanted to help. And she wanted to finally get some fucking answers.

A few moments had passed in silence as she was lost in her thoughts, but shaking her head, she continued on with that same line of conversation as if no time had passed. “Hobbes like Calvin and Hobbes, the old comic,” she clarified. “Read 'em with my dad as a kid.” It was said casually enough, but it still sounded too wrong, too distant. God, she must look like such a fucking mess to Andy. She was kind and wasn't the kind of person who would judge her, especially given the current situation, but Arden still hated it, hated all of this, but being so vulnerable in front of others– in front of the woman she'd been crushing on just a few months ago nonetheless– was just the icing on the cake. It wasn't the first time, but, fuck, she hoped it would be the last time Andy saw her in such a state. Knowing her luck, however, she doubted it.

Poking fun at their mutual friend was a good distraction, though. “He really can talk a lot, yeah.” The grin didn't reach her eyes, but it felt slightly more natural than any of her previous attempts. ”Made for an interesting time, being stuck together with everyone, new roommates and upstairs neighbor and all.“

She was a little surprised when the Jeep came to a stop, and looked up to find that they were already at the cabin. The ride had felt both too quick and longer than it should have been, but, then again, Arden had been paying absolutely no attention to the road. She had been far too caught up in her thoughts to take note of anything outside their quiet little bubble inside the car. The bubble that they now needed to leave. ”Right,“ she nodded, dragging her hands over her face with a sigh, “the traps.”

While she was trying to center herself before getting out, Andy was already pulling open the door, offering her a hand. She passed off the carrier to her, which freed up her lap and allowed for her to move. ”Thanks,“ she said, automatically. Then, “...goddammit.” Running a frustrated hand through her hair, she let out a huff before clambering out, tugging her bag over her shoulder. “I swear, I'm not usually this fucking bad with that,” she joked.

But then she was looking up at the cabin– Teagan's cabin– the beautiful little home that Arden had grown quite accustomed to, quite fond of. And she was hit with the fact that her girlfriend was not there, that she would not be there, or anywhere else, ever again, if they couldn't somehow find a way to fix this. If there even was one. 

Her chest ached, jaw clenching as she stared down the reality of the situation, Andy's words ringing in her ears. It took her a moment to speak, mouth opening and closing a few times as she tried to formulate words. “I don't—” It came out quiet, low, rough, and she swallowed thickly, not even sure what there was to say. However, the idea of going into the empty home felt wrong, daunting. It was too much. 

“I think I need a minute,” she eventually managed, tearing her gaze away from the cabin and turning instead to the lake.

But it didn't feel much better, seeing the lake, finding no sign of her girlfriend. It all felt so unusually still– no familiar flashes of that sharp grin, pale hair, or pink skin, no splashes or lilting laughter. Would the water and its critters be okay without the nymph? Arden found herself drawn to the edge of the water. She walked over to their usual spot, passing the area where Emilio hadn't been able to stop talking and had nearly gotten himself drowned because of it. That night, she remembered how she had been so convinced that they wouldn’t all survive that encounter. She had been reminded of that moment after finding out Teagan had been hunting, after Emilio had been the one to tell her. 

Sitting down on her rock, she pulled her legs to her chest as she stared off into the water, feeling both too much and nothing at all. 

—

Andy felt the weight of the carrier shift, could see Hobbes inside, peering through the ventilation holes to see where he was now at, nose pressed through to try and get a whiff of his new surroundings. 

Arden was apologizing and Andy looked up from the carrier, shaking her head. “You don’t need to apologize for anything… I hope you know that.” She offered a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes, but it was genuine all the same. 

Andy could imagine, to a degree, what Arden was going through. For her, it’d been her sister. Maybe there was something different about that kind of love— the one that wasn’t familial, the one that was chosen despite there being no commonality in the blood that ran through one’s veins. Andy couldn’t be sure. She felt it for Emilio, for Nicole and Leah, sure, but wasn’t that different? Those were friendships. Arden was in love with Teagan, and Teagan with Arden. That had to of been different; a different kind of pain. Andy felt for her in the way that she could. 

It was clear that this was hard for Arden. Maybe Andy should have taken her to the cabin. Maybe that would have been better— a home away from all of this, at least for a little while. Teagan was her friend and she felt that Teagan’s cabin was a little too big for the silence that filled it. She felt guilt like spikes, prodding her to feel something else, to extend a hand to Arden in solidarity. 

“That’s okay. Take all of the time you need.” She hesitated with the carrier, not sure if she should put it down or not. Not sure if it should go on the ground or the hood of her jeep, or back on the passenger seat while she put a reassuring hand on her friend’s shoulder. But Arden was moving from her spot next to the jeep down to the water, gaze fixed on the way it gently lapped at the shore. It was missing something, Andy realized— even she could tell that much. But Arden’s sudden movements made Andy realize that Teagan had been honest with her about her true form. Why else would she stare out at the water the way she was? 

Andy stayed back for a moment, watching the way that the wind caught in Arden’s hair, a few strands floating as if Teagan were beside her, running her fingers through it. Maybe it was an act of romanticism on Andy’s part, or maybe it was something else— hope, that even if Teagan were stuck in the hellish goo, that a part of her was still aware, that she would come out of it okay. Andy closed the passenger door softly before heading towards Arden. She held the carrier close to her chest, feeling the way it shifted with Hobbes’ every movement. He was getting antsy and would need to be let out soon, but she didn’t figure he was an outside cat. She wondered if he’d be okay with Teagan’s. She figured that’d be the case considering Arden had brought him over. She decided to wait just behind the rock, a few steps away. 

Silence warped around them, save for the call of the birds and the flexing of the branches above their heads from the trees that were nearby. She could feel the wind at the nape of her neck, and it felt nice. Andy felt guilty for finding solace in the feeling and she looked down at her muddied boots. She didn’t know what to do for Arden, but she knew she had to do something. Deciding that her friend deserved a little alone time, she made her way to the cabin and found a room where Alffi was nowhere to be found before letting open Hobbes’ crate so he could venture out. 

She closed the door behind her and made her way towards the kitchen, putting the kettle on to brew some tea for Arden and herself. 

—

Arden flashed her a smile, hoping Andy understood her gratitude, even if she wasn't fully capable of emoting it at the moment. Though, she supposed that she probably had an idea what with how she had now fucked up and thanked the woman several times now. Whatever. Even if Andy was a fae, she wasn't taking advantage of her current thoughtless state. No, she was actively helping her dumb ass, despite the fact that they weren't exactly close friends, and she was being incredibly understanding, giving her space. That deserved her gratitude, even as distant as it felt at the moment. She definitely owed her.

She could hear the other woman moving behind her, could feel her quiet presence, feel the comforting discomfort of another individual seeing her like this. But after several moments, she heard Andy walk off, heard the door open and shut. And there was a relief to it, finally having a moment of complete solitude for the first time in days. Even in the Common, she had been acutely aware of all the people milling around, going about their days, while Arden had sat in a daze. 

Chest aching, she let out a breath, slumping further into herself. Despite the fact that all she had done that day was argue, pack up her shit, cross a terrifying little bridge, and get driven to the cabin, she felt more exhausted than she had in weeks– since the vampires and Zack's departure, since sitting in the morgue with Teagan, since after losing Jo, maybe, if she were being honest. Because despite all the reassurances and the hope in her heart, it sure did feel like Teagan was lost. 

It felt like she was lost, set adrift in the waters again without knowing how to swim, her newfound abilities nowhere to be found. It hadn't been all that long ago, after all, that she had still been scared of the water, haunted by foggy memories of being dragged under, reaching out for her mom and dad, lungs burning, entirely overwhelmed by panic. But Teagan had taught her to let go of that fear, had been patient with her. She had offered Arden support and stability with that playful smile and calm reassurances. She had made her feel brave.

The familiar sight of lake began to blur, her eyes filling with tears that didn't seem to want to fall. It was only when she turned her gaze away, hiding her face against her knees, that a few tears fell, aided by gravity. Sniffling, she hugged her knees tighter still, as if trying to wrap herself around her aching heart, put it back together through sheer force. However, all she managed was to make herself even smaller and strain her back in a way that was making it begin to ache itself. But she paid that no mind, ignoring it along with the slight chill that started to settle into her bones the longer she sat at the edge of the water. She would need to go inside eventually, but she didn't want to face the reality of the empty cabin quite yet.

After a few moments, though, she was startled by the sound of movement from the water. Head snapping up, her eyes focused on a nearby familiar face. 

"Vala," she breathed. Her eyes started to water again, making it hard to track the kelpie's approach.

Given what she knew about kelpies, it had been a huge surprise to Arden when the fae had seemingly taken a liking to her during her visits to the lake, especially when she had been so wary of Vala at first, but they had become friends in the months following. Despite that, though, there was a part of her that had to wonder if that had only been because Teagan was present. Would it be different without her there? Was she about to get drowned and eaten?

She needn't worry long, the horse simply plopped down next to her, nuzzling Arden's side before turning her head around as if looking for something before cocking her head to one side. It wasn't difficult to understand what she meant.

"She's stuck." Her voice was quiet. "The substance from the mines, she got trapped in it. We-" Her voice wavered as she was hit with by a wave of emotion, however, when she spoke again, she sounded a bit more steady. "We're going to fix it," she stated, though it was unclear whether she was trying to reassure Vala or herself. "We're going to fix it. But..." She looked down, trying to ignore the doubt and worries. "I don't know how long it will take. I don't– I don't know if we can–" She stopped before she could send herself into a spiral, staying silent for several long moments. 

"I won't stop looking," she said, finally. "But..." Returning to her initial line of thought, she looked to the fae. "Can you keep an eye on the lake until she gets back?" Vala nodded her head, pulling a small smile out of Arden. She bowed her head slightly in lieu of saying 'thank you' for the twelfth time that day, and ran a hand through the horse's fur as they looked out onto the lake. 

She didn't feel better exactly as she walked into the cabin, but she felt a little lighter than she had. It wasn't as difficult as she had thought, stepping inside. It just felt like Teagan was out for the day and would step through the door at any moment. At the moment, it was difficult to fathom her being gone for any extended period of time, even if it was the reality of the situation. Arden was sure it would hurt more later– the thought that she would be sleeping alone in Teagan's bed had already crossed her mind- but it didn't quite feel real yet. She wondered how long exactly that would last, how long any of this would last. How long would she spend in the water, being tossed around by wave after wave? 

She wished she knew. 

But for now there was good company and tea and cats– a toad, even. And that would have to be enough. 

And they would figure it out– they had to. 

#parental death tw #wickedswriting #writing #collab #declinlalune #wr andy #love to ci for putting up with late and v long introspective replies

[kraekat29]

The Last Time

Summary: Rafe was Ruby's first everything, she tried to be loyal but as memories come back she realizes what must be done.

Warnings: angst, fighting, domestic abuse, blood, mentions of unsafe situations, cheating, mentions of sexual activities, drug use

She was fifteen when it started, her heart had been crushed by JJ for the final time, he'd ditched her yet again for a hookup.

Ruby knew she shouldn't have been drinking but she didn't care, it numbed the ache she had in her heart.

That's when he'd swooped in, taking the opportunity to get her right where he wanted, playing nice and offering her a stronger drink.

She was too naive to realize what was happening, shocked that someone like him would even glance her way.

But as the night went on they learned that they weren't so different from each other and Rafe cursed himself for secretly loving the way she yearned to know more about him.

Then suddenly their paths always began to cross, he'd learned more about her, how she saved every last penny for her dad and brother, not even spending money to buy herself new clothes, opting to wear John B's old clothes that no longer fit.

He watched as she fixed her bikini top, it being to small but she kept retying it, not having enough money to buy herself a new swimsuit.

For some reason Rafe pitied Ruby, he didn't understand why he did, and he knew she was thinking the same as he took her to the store.

After that one date turned into two and then it was her 16th birthday, he'd found her alone and crying at the docks, once again Big John had only acknowledged her brothers half of the birthday.

He'd found what he wanted, he could play the hero she desperately needed, there was no possible way he could get attached to her.

But watching her big hazel eyes light up anytime he was around made him feel good, but one person was in his way, her best friend and his arch nemesis, JJ fucking Maybank.

It made Rafe sick watching the way they would cuddle in the hammocks, how they would play wrestle and how he could make her laugh.

So, he did what he had to, slowly separating her from everyone else as they barely even realized it, he had all his pawns in place.

A few months later Ruby sat in Tannyhill, her hair was no longer curly, it was now straightened, her jean shorts were traded for a mini skirt and she looked miserable.

She watched in disgust as Rafe did a line of coke off the coffee table, motioning for her to join, " you know I don't do the hard shit Rafe" she reminded him, crossing her arms and looking away.

That was the first time he'd gotten violent, smacking her in the mouth, they both froze, her touching her blood covered bottom lip in shock as he just stared blankly at her.

He stepped forward and she flinched, choking on a gasp as hysteria settled in, she was bleeding because Rafe, her boyfriend had hit her.

Two weeks after that she was in the kitchen, cooking them dinner when he stormed in, "where is it?" He demanded and her blood ran cold, " i-i dumped it.. Ward was looking for it, he was suspicious.." She said quietly and cowered down as he towered above her.

He grabbed her hand, making her look at him, only she wasn't expecting him to slam her hand down on the burner, she cried out and slapped at his arm with her other hand but he pressed harder, making her scream from the pain.

After he finally calmed down he went in that night, watching as she tended to the burn on her hand, sitting next to her and pulling her against his side, kissing her head.

Tears flowed down her cheeks, " you know I hate doing that right? You just make me so mad sometimes" he tried to reason but it just made more tears slip as she refused to look at him.

A month after that she'd lost her virginity to him, actually believing he'd changed by how gentle he had been, she hadn't told anyone about the hit and the burn, keeping it a secret.

But a week later he was back to the same old Rafe, she clutched her cheek, whimpering from the punch he'd delivered, he yanked her up by her hair, making her cry out and try to get away.

Her mouth was filled with blood as he punched her again, dropping her onto the floor, watching as she curled into a ball, sobbing on the ground.

After that night she returned to the Chateau, wearing makeup so no one could see her bruises, three days later Rafe showed up, claiming he had gotten himself sober, Ruby agreed to try again, she loved him.

A few days later she walked in the bedroom, horrified as she saw him with another girl, all he gave her was a cruel grin as she backed out of the room.

Why couldn't he just put her first? She was always reaching for him but he was getting further and further away.

He took her for a drive, high off his ass and her adrenaline rushed as he swerved to miss a deer, nearly causing them to wreck, she squeezed her eyes shut as she shook from fear, she just wanted to go home.

His apologies began to mean nothing to her, she looked across the party, sandwiched between two guys as she danced with them, he didn't care so why should she?

His kisses no longer made butterflies appear, his touch no longer made her want him, she despised him but she was stuck.

A smack rang throughout the bedroom, her nose dripped blood, “ why! Why do you always do this!” She cried and he froze, “ Ruby-“ he started, “ no! This is the last fucking time Rafe!” She sobbed and tried to wipe away the blood.

She tried to tell Ward but he didn’t believe her, Sarah never even bothered to help, she sat in her room at the chateau, tears streaming down her bruised face as she stared blankly into the darkness.

JJ crawled through her window and she looked over, his eyes hardened as he looked her over, quickly taking her into his arms as she cried.

The gold ‘R’ dangled from her neck as her and Rafe walked into midsummers, she once again decided to let him back in- she didn’t really have a choice this time since her father had gone missing, she was being forced to marry Rafe, she had no escape now.

She held a beer bottle against her cheek, cringing as he yelled at her, smacking her across the face and grabbing her by the throat, she didn’t care what he did, she couldn’t bring herself to.

They sat on opposite sides of the door, her nose, lip and cheek bleeding, “I’m sorry okay? I’ll get better, just give me another chance” he said, “ I told you Rafe.. this was and is the last time..” she said in a broken whisper, clutching the charm in her fingers.

“ I love you..” she said and he scoffed, “ like I’d ever love a Pogue” he hissed and she felt her heart break for the final time, she felt like she couldn’t breathe as she cried harder.

Summer had begun and here she was, back with the Pogues at a house that was being built, the necklace still was around her neck, even as they ran from security.

Ruby sat next to JJ and looked at her phone, Rafe had broken up with her through text, she closed her and eyes and took off the necklace with a deep breath, she was free.

She blocked his number as he said he would mail back her things, she had meant what she said that night.

This was the last time he would hurt her.

Tag list: @cristina-t @jjgaybanklover @zoeeeruiz @pankowperfection

#Spotify #ruby routledge #rafe cameron #obx #outer banks #obx fic

[queenofthieves]

..

i found a post of someone talking about the other thing winning out over ED. like eating because what does it matter i'm just going to -

which kinda gets it.

i haven't seen anything of anyone else feeling betrayed but their ED. maybe that's less common or maybe i just haven't seen it. maybe i'm really stupid for it.

it's supposed to be what wins out. that thing that never leaves me. the one thing that won't abandon me. it is supposed to want to eat me alive. if it's losing out i feel like that's just another thing. my life - my death - isn't even worth it to my ED. i'm not worth it for school, not worth it for... and even to my ED i'm not worth it.

it's supposed to blunt my emotions and numb everything around me like it has every other time. it's always been reliable in that way. i get that it's not caring, but it took care of me in that way. and this time it just stops. months of being like this and the recent hell. i've been so miserable. i'm not even holding on. i'm not supposed to be in it like this if i have my ED, the one reliable thing. it's supposed to always want me. the thing that'll always always always want its hooks in me. but i'm not even enough for it. please take me down, hold me under. the fact that not even this wants me... it's crushing.

it should be what kills me. while that's still in the same vein of this other thing, i accept that more than what is winning out. at least i accepted it when i thought it'd numb everything and consume my brain so much that nothing else matters. like it did every other time. like it's supposed to.

this other thing just feels necessary. like there's nothing else. like that's the only thing left that could numb it all. take me out of my body. i'm scared. it's the one i feel forced to accept. it's always getting further solidified that this has to be it.

this all feeds in to main triggers, and then also makes me feel like a fucking failure that the one thing that would always be there just isn't. it's not winning out even when it's loud in my head. it doesn't want me enough. nothing does. i'm not even worth it to my ED.

it's like i ruin everything. even this. which i thought was impossible. so stupid. and i'm stupidly trying to think of ways to kickstart it again. come back.

i think this might be the second time i've been upset with my ED. the other time was when it first came back months and months ago... the nature of EDs make it so hard to talk about, i wished... i wanted... i knew if asked, at that time, i would've done everything in my power to get help for it. it made me upset that it was a war in my head and that i couldn't, i felt blocked from that. and now i'm upset that it's not killing me.

i'm so fucking pathetic for being angry with my own ED and not even for the good reasons other people are angry with theirs. i shouldn't be here. i'm trying but i don't even know how to anymore. i don't even know why i do. i wish it'd stop.

#i'm so tired. i just wish #i need... there's so much there. this thing really clouds it. it feels pointless to need or wish or want... it doesn't just feel that it is #that. i wish the words would come. that i could at least say. there's so many things swirling... it's pulling so hard.

[miopet]

no one has to be nice all the time. it is an unrealistic expectation for any creature on earth, and the idea that it's on individuals to exhaust their personal resources just to be kind 100% of the time is evil. i dont ask my animals to ignore their "negative" emotions because i know that's inherently ridiculous, so why would i ask that of myself? i don't believe there are "negative" feelings, anyways.

The separation of mind and body does nothing to help us understand how to process our emotions, thoughts, beliefs and selves. it does nothing to help us understand and accept each other. i don't believe it is helpful to consider yourself "above" or "outside of" your own emotions, body, or self; that is a form of dissociation. however, i think we are all encouraged to do so by capitalist moral and "mental wellness" propaganda.

when we are not encouraged to be compassinate to ourselves, why would we extend any to others? Many of us aren't even allowed to express our thoughts, feelings or identities in the supposed safety of our chidhood homes. Even casual sentiments such as "get out of your head" "don't dwell" "forgive and forget" etc. are utterly useless and reflect centuries of racist, ableist, and imperialist propaganda.

Humans are generally able to experience a variety of emotions because they benefit us and serve purposes. i think that emotions should be thought of as involuntary and normal bodily functions, like breathing or bleeding or feeling hungry or peeing or sweating or growing! it's true that ruminating and stewing in your negative emotions can become unhealthy, but if we consider emotions to be bodily functions it becomes clear that you NEED to tend to them.

If you don't treat an infection it will spread until you die. If you are thirsty and don't drink water, eventually you'll die. If you are miserable but force yourself to perform different emotions for the benefit of others or simply to survive, eventually you will break. ANY creature on this earth would snap if they were punished for expressing that their boundaries have been crossed and ignored.

in my opinion, not respecting your emotions as physiological phenomena is about as sustainable as never drinking water!

When you respond to a stressor with fear, anxiety, anger, apathy, sadness, numbness, etc, that is literally your body functioning as it should be. maybe the stressor isn't an actual threat to you at the moment, or perhaps you think you "shouldn't" feel a certain way, but why would your body know that? why would your emotions know that they aren't the "right" feelings to have? how could there even BE right feelings to feel?

Emotions are HEALTHY responses that need to be acknowledged and analyzed by both ourselves and others! you may not understand why or like that you feel some type of way, but that's equivalent to disliking a part of your body for growing the way it does... which is also encouraged under capitalism, because it's the same concept.

Our right to our emotions and our bodies is the same, and they are both constantly denied to us by the lie that we, as people, are not innately feeling animals with great capacity for compassion.

I believe the path to a healthier world is to respect our emotions as bodily functions instead of punishing ourselves, and ultimately everyone else, for existing by refusing to acknowledge, accept, express, analyze and forgive our emotions.

#recovery #mental health #socialism #anticapitalism #ptsd #📖 #talk tag #long post

[samcanizales]

A Follow Up

I lay there. Shattered but reveling for a while. After a few months patience changes. The outlook once bright is clouded. It's clouded by the reality that the car left wounds. Wounds that would take a long time to heal. Wounds that prevent progress, which had enticed patience to lay with me. I am no longer suffocated by expectations, rather I am paralyzed by the injuries obtained in the aftermath. 

I reflect on the days that I was running. I think about where I would be if I had kept running. Soon these thoughts encompass me. 

One night I was on the ground succumbing to the pain. The next morning I find myself running. The pain is still there, but I am numb. I am back where I was. This time things are familiar, but as my surroundings gain their bearing on me, something is a little different. 

This time I am not bleeding. My pain is not sharp. I am dizzy. I am exhausted. I am not bleeding, but my vision is unclear. Black spots and darkness plague my eyes. I can't cry. Nausea is everpresent and rest is nowhere in sight. 

This time all eyes are on me. I have an audience. The car is being driven in the same manner as usual, but the standards harsher and my movements under increased scrutiny. 

Now I must be immaculate. I must not show a single sign of pain lest I insight anxiety. Love fueled the car before, but it is clear that anxiety is responsible for its new fast and abrupt movements. 

With eyes watching I feel dehumanized. I no longer feel the energy I once had to free myself. I am tired. More tired than I have ever been. I used to be motivated by this sharp pain. Now i am weighed down by a dark haze. 

I could not even run towards the future I had been imagining if I wanted to. I had nothing to burn inside of me. Nothing to ignite.

My spirit had once remained intact while my body broke. I wish I could say the same now. Every ounce of my being was heavy, begging to return to the ground where I once lay.

 On the ground, I embraced myself. I held a little girl in my arms. I stroked her hair and held her weak body. I once inspected every ailment and did everything in my power to address it. Even when I ran before I had my own company. I had my own trust. I was doing everything I could to be brave. I was working to create a life for this little girl running and crying. 

The day I let the dreams of running again overcome me, I let the little girl down. I left her wounds unattended. I betrayed her. She had now been forsaken by everyone in her life. She withered away. Both she and patience departed. 

Apathy came to take the place of patience. Apathy was not a comforter or even a miserable companion. Apathy shouted from the distance. Its voice rang in an already trembling mind. It assured me that nothing had gotten better. It cursed at me, asserting that nothing would get better. The conclusion of these two statements is that I shouldn't believe in anything better than what I am now relegated to. Nothing would ever bring relief and I should just give in.

Apathy got the best of me. Apathy accomplished its goal. I let go. I gave in. Never in my life had I felt so empty. Though I hadn't seen that little girl or patience in quite some time, it was clear that they had gotten even further from me. 

Without the little girl, I had nothing to fight for.

I am still without that little girl. I have done many things to betray her trust. She has good reason to hide, and so does patience. I should not be patient now. I am not in a position where patience should be my friend. Patience does not resent me. Patience is waiting for me to end the chase. Patience is waiting for me to run towards something rather than away. 

I am going to run again. I will run blind and tired. I will run as hard as I can in search of that little girl. I will prove to her that she is worth it. I will regain her trust. I may run the wrong way but the little girl knows I run for her and she loves me more for it. The little girl is the only one who knows, who truly, deeply, and concretely knows what I do for her, how I feel for her, and what lengths I go to for her. She knows when I run for her it is because I love her. I deeply, and truly love her. 

One day soon I will be reunited with patience. Soon I will embrace myself. I will encompass the little girl in all the love and tenderness she could dream of. I will never let go of her again.

[wishamongtheflowers]

Sorrow

Seeing Fuka's file laying on the desk with papers open to view tears fell. She was a failure of a friend. Fuka died cause of her! She shouldn't have left her alone to fight Mistress! Fuck! She couldn't take it! She couldn't take it!

Kido shattered in a silent void. All the hope she had to finally reunite with her friend despaired. This all happened cause of her.

The song she sang caused their school to fall in disarray; her leaving Fuka when she ran into the flames to seek rightful justice for the lost.

She's a plague. A cursed shell. Inhuman.

She immediately ran out of the office through the dead strung along from despair leading them, like frightened mice off a cliff.

There had to be a different reason as to why. She knew Fuka! She couldn't have! Kido couldn't hear the two voices through her extreme fog.

An older, well dressed, woman with black hair and a camera. Her son who came to handle the situation only for them to get afflicted.

"What did you do?"

"I couldn't have her lied to by omission. You know my stance on media and morality." She sighed, "It's better this way. I would want to know such news even in this situation."

He sighed his frustration, "Let's go find her."

He's grown attached. Kido wouldn't admit the same to herself. Kido huddled herself away under a desk to sob. She couldn't hold her agony inside. It kept spilling out.

A click shot her sodding dead and walking rattled the tense atmosphere. She kept her face away from being seen.

"Kido? You in here?"

"Hiroa?" She squeaked out.

Sound of footsteps clammered over for a shadow to look over. He didn't say anything. Kido looked over to him with red eyes. This was just like how they discovered she's undead and the Rapid Onset Despair plague which made this place its own hell.

A gentle hand ran up and down her back, "She's gone! I shouldn't have left her there alone!"

He listened.

"Do you know what its like to have one silver bullet in your chamber? The only thing that... you have left. That one bullet, ripped away when you need it the most."

He thought for a minute, "I don't."

"Good. I don't want anyone else to feel this pain."

"What was she like?"

"...She was a sweetheart. We where like extremely close sisters. No matter what we went through we had one another cause that's all we had," Kido's fingers drew on the ground, "she was like me. A doll to our families. I made sure she never went down the path I chose to walk. She eventually stopped trying."

"Do you know why she was emitted here?"

"Cause of me."

"What do you mean by "cause of me"?"

She didn't respond.

Hiroa sighs, "Sorry for pressing. I just want to know why your ripping yourself apart. I care about you."

Kido looked at the red headed swat geared man, "How can you give a fuck about me!? Didn't me saying I'm undead faze you at all like Makia?!? Not to mention the foundation will eventually find out! What then!?!?"

"I don't care about the fact you're undead," he kept calm given Kido's screaming, "as for the foundation and mother, I'll be sure they'll never know or speak of it."

Care.

True Caring feelings, emotions from Hiroa. She never felt those things or she'd grew so distant already she's forgotten about her own emotions. Confusion, unease, a strange mix of rage and numbness. Fear brought miserable doubt as company.

"Why!?! You know very well how much shit you and-"

"It's not your job to worry about that!" Kido squeaked hearing Hiroa's stern voice.

He collected himself then continued, "I'm aware of how much shit my mom and I will have to deal with. You should worry about yourself for now. For your friend's sake. I bet she'd be worried sick about you."

Kido let out a small groan, "Alright. I just need some time alone. Can't exactly handle much of anything right now."

"Let me know if anything happens." He was met with a nod and shut the door.

Kido grown a farther distance. Jaded, confused, enraged, distressed, mixed into one brooding figure.

She won't have friends or anyone around her. She couldn't get attached. She can't handle getting attached. She'll push away people. She didn't want attachment nor anyone's care.

If only Kido could stop those poisonous lies told to a child by snakes, she wouldn't be such a wreck to see what those two seen.

#💀 kido mukai #kido lore #two new characters?? idk yet #cw implied suicide #cw implied child abuse

[insanetwocubes]

Well, that was embarrassing.

Your face is embarassing.

That's. Cruel.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

Y'know I almost forgot how bad it was.

I. I guess there were a lot of distractions along the way.

Y'know it's kinda funny.

What?

Remember that time we got kicked out? We handled it so well because all our feelings were validated.

This is, lyke, college year funny.

This is college year feelings.

Stop talking about feelings.

Do you think... we watch and read all that stuff for the same reason? It validates us?

I am not equipped to answer that.

But it feels like that, right? Like scratching an itch? That "yes, I knew it! You guys are as bad as I say."

Uh. I am not equipped to answer that.

It's more comfortable for us to see it when they're cruel. Which makes sense because it's extremely uncomfortable to watch them be nice. Remember how we explained it one time? It's cathartic? And when we do it It's a power rush.

What does all this mean?

I'm not trying to say anything. Stop looking for a solution.

....

Here. Remember this feeling.

Why, so I can be miserable again?

No, the opposite.

So I'm not miserable again?

Kind of. Just shut up and do it.

Okay. I remember what it's like to be miserable.

Wait. This is weird. Some connections don't match up.

That's a good sign.

Is it?

Yeah. I'm telling you it's progress.

If you say so. Doesn't feel like progress. Feels like just being miserable.

Trust me. We'll figure it out.

Tell me more? About this catharsis thing?

Yeah, cuz like. We don't read it too into detail. Maybe because it hurts. But the hurt feels nice? Like. I don't know. The pain demands to be felt or some bullshit.

I do... like... reading that kind of stuff. It gives me a weird feeling when it all turns out okay. But it gives me a really good feeling when it doesn't. Yeah, like scratching an itch. Like yeah, they should die, they should be numb and not feel anything anymore. It makes me uncomfortable when they cry. They should just shut up and take it quietly.

Like us.

Y- yeah. They shouldn't act like it's a big deal because it's not a big deal.

Yeah.

Does that... what does that mean?

It just means... we have a long way to go.

Oh.

But I know the map. I got you.

Why am I such a damsel in distress lately? I'm supposed to be you guys' leader.

Cut that shit out. Let me worry about this for you.

Explain it to me? So at least I don't feel like I'm completely useless?

So you know how Emillie reacted with anger and jumped to a defence of you?

Uhm? That's related?

That should be your reaction to the words you said.

Uhm. What? I should be angry?

You should be livid.

I am... angry... sometimes.

No, you should be more.

More? Jeez you guys have so much energy. You want me to be miserable and livid?

No, I don't want you to be. That's what the next step looks like.

So what, you're saying I don't value myself or something enough to be angry?

Kind of but not exactly.

I don't get it.

It's okay.

I mean is it not enough that you and Emillie are angry for me?

No, Flare, it's not enough.

Don't laugh at me! I'm trying my best.

Don't worry about it, it'll make sense eventually.

Sure.

#Things1said #Things4said #Intersysconvos #dicerolls #txt

[avelera]

Saw your post on anti-creampuffing Stede and you’re right and should say it. Was wondering if you have additional thoughts on when Stede appears to be disappointed in Ed when Jack recounts how he set fire to a ship full of people (despite the fact that Stede did pretty much the same thing two episodes prior)?

Anon, I am SO GRATEFUL to you for asking this, because it's a bit of meta I've been thinking about for A WHILE. There seems to be some fandom consensus about ALL of these events that make no f-ing sense to me (disclaimer: am ADHD neurodivergent?) BUT!

(I tried to keep this short but failed miserably, I just have a lot of thoughts about this bit of discourse, ok?)

1) I have no idea where everyone got the notion that Stede killed everyone on board the French party ship??? Yes there are some fires on board, but we SEE Abshir escape in a life boat with the other servants and people jumping to safety (it's not the Titanic, the Caribbean is warm guys, no one is going to freeze to death in the water). Stede humiliated those people and probably disabled the ship but I didn't see any evidence that everyone on board died?? (Doylist note: it was a comedy beat, I don't think we were supposed to see Stede's muppet-y destruction of the party ship as the same as a ship being burned to the waterline in a grimdark pirate naval battle, ie no one died, guys, at least no one of any importance)

2) I have no idea where everyone got the idea Stede was disappointed in Ed because of the story Calico Jack told about the burning ship?? I went back and watched it a few times just to make sure and here's my take:

Yes, Stede is freaked out by the story in the moment. It's a pretty hair-raising story. Stede is the moral compass of the show and he's relaying to us that this story is horrifying and we shouldn't be numb to that horror. But the horror we're being asked to feel isn't directed at Ed who committed the action, it's being directed at Calico Jack for laughing about it. In the muppet-y world of OFMD, being cruel is morally a greater sin than being a pirate doing pirate stuff.

That said, this is also the episode where Ed's emotional journey is coming to the conclusion that Stede would reject him if he knew who he was and what he'd done in the past. (An interestingly misplaced fear given Stede states that Ed's past is Ed's business and I think it applies to the ship too, guys.) It's actually very skillfully done that Stede's facial expression is a bit ambiguous here because we need to both believe that Ed is reasonable for thinking Stede is rejecting him AND that Stede is actually much more horrified on Ed's behalf than he is at the event (which was my initial read of the scene the first time I watched it).

On that note, Ed looks absolutely miserable that Jack is telling that story to Stede. Miserable and embarrassed. He is not crowing over those deaths. I actually got the very distinct impression (based on admittedly no evidence but Ed's immediate discomfort) that the ship burning was an accident. I can easily picture a situation where Ed thought the crew had abandoned ship and burnt it only to discover too late they'd taken shelter in the hold. In a manner similar to Stede's "murder" of Badminton, "Blackbeard" would have no choice but to take credit for those deaths as if he'd done it on purpose, which would help spread his legend as a brutal pirate, but Ed takes emotional shelter in the notion that "the fire killed those men, not me" even if that appears to be cold comfort to him.

It's only the fandom that's making a big deal out of either burning ship? Stede never brings up the burning ship again? Like most things pirate-y (especially when it comes to Ed), Stede had an initial moment of genteel alarm, then in his own typical bonkers manner he shrugged and just accepted it without further qualms. Stede gives Ed more shit about the turtle fighting the crab than he does about that ship.

IMO? Stede is much more repulsed by Jack telling that story than he is by what Ed did in the story. Stede literally does not give a shit at almost any point in the show about pirate brutality, only about people being mean. Jack pisses Stede right the fuck off, but Ed never could.

#our flag means death #ofmd meta #long post #that's why stede and ed are soulmates imo stede literally does not gaf about Ed's past atrocities beyond initial surprise and alarm

[cherri-cherri]

× Little Flower ×

-----------×-----------

Pairings - Ryoumen Sukuna x Reader

Synopsis - No one was allowed to touch you as you were his. Those who dared would suffer a fate worse than death...

Warnings - Possible Grammar Errors, Slight Gore, Swear Words

A/N - This fic here is pretty short but I wanted to write this after having a weird dream with flowers and Sukuna. I honestly have mixed feelings about this one but I hope you all enjoy! - 🍒

----------------×----------------

"Speak, girl. Do you know why you stand here on trial here today?" A voice called out to you from above but you simply kept your head hanging down to stare at the stacks of dry wood pressed under your feet. Your body ached due to the countless bruises and cuts littering your skin and the tightness of the ropes cutting into your bound wrists weren't helping at all in the slightest.

"Y/N L/N, do you understand why you stand before us?" The voice repeated again, this time a rough hand grabbing ahold of your hair and gripping it tightly, forcing you to stare up at the man before you.

"Cat has your tongue? Well then, let me remind you that you were caught giving aid to the king of curses. No doubt spreading your legs for him like that harlot you are" his words only mirrored the disgusted look in his cold grey eyes, glaring down at you as his grip on your hair only tightened. Sad to think that you would be used to this knowing your uncle was not a kind or gentle man and yet his words only stung.

"...I did no such thing....He was hurt and I was trying to help, I was–" Letting out a yelp as your cheek burned from the slap your uncle gave you, you felt tears prickling your eyes as he leaned in closer.

"Liar!! Someone saw you with him, saw you hold him! It is obvious that your vile ways allowed him to take over your mind and possess you!" Yelling at the top of his lungs, you heard others around you cheering the man on as some even chimed in. So many hateful words, so many people who you believed to friends and family only for all of them to look at you with such disdain and anger. Tears began to form until your uncle released you and stepped away, "There is only one way to save your soul now before he swallows it whole. The flames will send you to the afterlife and maybe then, you will be saved."

Your heart dropped after hearing that. You were going to die, all because of giving a monster sanctuary, all because you tried to be kind. Men carrying large clay pots came to the stake you were bound to and then began splashing you with oil. Coughing as the liquid was poured ontop of your head, you heard the chanting of the people all around you, screaming and yelling for your death over and over again as your uncle came walking back towards you while holding up a lit torch.

This was the end. Your miserable life ending at such a horrible note, it made you let out a small saddened chuckle as you slowly closed your eyes and waited for the fire to engulf your completely until nothing but ash reminded.

You waited..

And waited..

The ropes wrapped around your wrists were soon sliced off and at the same time, you hear a few thuds collapsing onto gravel not too far away from you. When you opened your eyes, you found yourself staring at your uncle. Your now headless uncle. The blood erupting from his neck like a geyser as the body slumped down to its knees, occasionally twitching as the blood sprayed across your face and ragged dress. The color drained from your face completely as you stared down at the blood on your clothes, horrified until a large tattooed around wrapped itself around your waist. Freezing completely, you looked back forward to see the villagers beginning to flee until those who even took a step back were diced into cubed pieces.

"Any human who moves another muscle will die." A rough voice called out behind you, sending your heart to panic. Turning your head slightly to the side, you saw him.

Ryoumen Sukuna.

His eyes darted down towards you, crimson hues staring into your watery E/C eyes and he simply gave you a toothy grin. "Come on now, Y/N, you shouldn't give such a frightened look to your knight in shining armor. I just saved your life."

"Y-you killed them.. " you muttered, causing Sukuna to roll his eyes as he lifted you in the air before placing you down onto his shoulder to carry you. "And? I don't see what's wrong here. You're alive, they're dead. Now that we've been over that, I think you owe me a reward—"

"I knew it..." a woman said from the crowd, her knuckles turning white from how hard she was gripping her fists. She stared at the two of you with fear in her eyes, more so you than Sukuna. "Y-you were sleeping with him..you dirty whore...letting a monster in this village. Letting a curse spread in this village!" As she screamed out, blood soon enough trickled down her lips as she felt a pain in her chest before a growing numbness. Looking down, the woman saw nothing but a gaping hole in the middle of her chest, blood dribbling down the emptiness to the stomach until she slowly collapsed on her back. Others around her screamed out, some moving from the places they were standing before being sliced in half or trisected into parts. You gasped out, covering your mouth as you felt bile rising up.

"S-she did nothing wrong!" You yelled to Sukuna as he only stared at the remaining people in the crowd with a smirk. "Wrong...As far as I see, everyone here has committed a great sin."

Crimson stained the once grey pathway as people are killed by the curse one after another. A few brave (or foolish) souls attempted to even rush at Sukuna only to make it as far as five steps forward before their insides became their outsides. A woman tried to beg for her life by offering herself as Sukuna's personal slave, even going as far as to give away to lives of her children but once again it proved nothing as she too was killed.

It didn't take long for Sukuna to kill off the rest of the villagers, regardless of their age or even if they were innocent or not. They were all killed and slaughtered brutally without mercy, their blood mixing together as the smell of their corpses began to reek. You stared down at the headless corpse of your uncle, eyes dulled as you thought perhaps it would've been better if the fire had claimed you. Then no one wouldve been killed. No, no that wasn't true.

It would've been better if you never met him. If you simply continued on your way and left him bleeding out for the shamans to find. If you had never opened your heart to the curse..then no one would've died. Then no one would've been killed. Feeling a hand brush your hair gently with his nails and combing a strain behind your ear, you were snapped out of your thoughts. Sukuna pulled you closer towards him with one arm and wrapped each of his arms around your small frame before pressing his lips onto your forehead.

"They didn't have to die..." your voice was practically a whisper at this point, hoarse and dry from the screaming and begging for him to stop. Sukuna merely chuckled as he released you, "Do you feel guilty?"

"What sort of question is that supposed to be? Of course I do...." Saying that you didn't would only be half of the truth. Sure you were angry with how they were so quick to hurt you and kill you but then again, if you knew this was what Sukuna was capable, you would've accepted the punishment. You should've listened, should've stayed away from him that night yet apart of you knew that this perhaps wouldn't have changed much.

"I don't see why when because of you, your people get to live on..."

Those words got your attention as they left you confused. Before you could even question him however, you heard a small weak voice speaking out towards it. "You've doomed us all, girl..."

You could've swore that it was your uncle speaking to you and yet you knew that was impossible seeing as his vocal cords were severed alongside his head. But when your eyes slowly looked over to the severed head, you saw a large flower growing where the blood pooled over. It might have been beautiful if it wasnt for the fact that your uncle's face was on the flower, darkened eyes staring at you. Gasping out, you covered you mouth and took a step back, pressing your back into the warm chest of Sukuna as he pointed over towards the other bodies littered around the execution ground.

A variety of flowers had sprouted forth from the blood soaked ground, each with the faces of the dead villagers as they yelled and screamed out in agony at you. So many cried out your name, children who were unfortunately brought here wailed as their mothers simply screamed out multiple swears at you. Speechless, you froze at the sight as more flowers simply began to grow up around the two of you and were only spreading. Small vines began to creep towards you, only to be sliced away when it got too far, not to you but to Sukuna.

"Regret, anger, hatred, sadness. So much negative energy, so much rage here. I wanted to repay my little flower and what else to gift her with than a garden of her own." He hunching over and reaching for one the screaming flowers, he plucked it forth from the ground as the face on it contorted in pain before it began to beg for mercy. "Flowers for my flower. Though none of this compare to you." Sukuna chuckled, placing the plant onto the back of your ear before combing a strand of your hair.

You felt disgusted as the flower's voice grew more and more faint, it practically whispering in your ear for himself to be spared such a fate. You could do nothing but silently say how sorry you were yet your hushed apologies were drowned out by the voices of your new cursed garden.

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna #ryoumen sukuna #jjk angst #jjk sukuna

[chthonic-empyrean]

what do you do when you feel extremely lonely?

I have terrible anxiety and trust issues for which I never make friends. I’m scared of trusting anyone. I’m scared of judgements. So I often get lonely. I’m an over thinker too for which I do negative self talk a lot. Ah how do I put it.. it just gets too bad sometimes. I believe in self love. I believe that we should never depend on anyone for our own happiness.. but there are times where I feel miserably alone. Desperately feel the need of someone’s kind affirmation, someone’s touch.. And just feel like laying my head on someone’s shoulder and cry my heart out(idk about what) .. because I’m just a mere human being..

I asked you because we’re of same age. And sometimes i feel like I’m too young to feel such things, ahhh idkk.

Omg I’m sounding like a stupid maybe eh I’m sorryy

.

First of all thank you so much for this,it's my pleasure you sent this ask to me,Thanks alot. And just know all of this doesn't sound any stupid, it's completely makes sense,atleast to me,so stop Overthinking that you shouldn't have sent this ask and you have said too much kind of stuffs.And about your question i don't really think it's that simple, atleast not enough simple to say it all here,so if you're okay please text me and let know this ask from you. But just know that you have always got a friend here and you can text me or call(**on discord or telegram or instagram) if you ever want to talk about anything or whatever is bothering you.( This is for my every stranger friends who are not okay lately and needs someone to talk, just know I'm available to talk to you on chat or even on call if you're comfortable that way, I'll try my best to make you and your feelings safe with me).

[**Discord- @Rhys#9382 Instagram- Chthonic_empyrean ]

Apart from all this,i had written a poem few months back and it's kind of about similar situation so I'm sharing it with you all and specially you dear anon. Also this is the first time I'm sharing my any writing on social media so i hope it doesn't sound absurd to you all...

                   SHATTERED DESERT

This heavy happiness never belonged to me,

All I had dwelled in is that agony's sea.

I left myself long before,

Hoping someone to come at my shore.

I guess that's why we need someone,

To stand along when we feel numb.

Look at the world you want,

But this won't change the real font.

Wish for the sun to rise,

But know the night asks for tears as it's price.

Don't look too much at your lonely shoulder,

Or your heart will soon become colder.

Hold your hopes in your hand,

And hit them hard on the land.

You won't find your shattered sand like hopes again,

No, it won't be flowed with rain.

It'll stand there firm with other's hopes,

And you'll know you can't wash your scars with soaps.

Then you have to pick up all your hopes again in your hand,

And you'll realise why this world have so much sand.

-Rhys

#thank you so much for this #dont forget to smile please<3 #will be waiting for your text #take care y'all #asks open #<3

[giorno-plays-piano]

Cry Little Sister Part 2

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, non-consensual drug use, sex pollen, non-con, both reader and Peter are adults, kinda slight incestuous undertones (the characters aren’t related, though).

Words: 2805.

Summary: Your adopted older brother is not as nice as he seems, but no one is willing to believe you.

Part 1

__________

"No, Peter... s-stop." You moaned, half-asleep still as you felt somebody snuggling closer to you from behind. "Go away... No."

The boy beside you only hummed contentedly, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck and clinging to you. God, how did he sneak into your room? You not only locked it, but also moved your wardrobe to block the door. Even if Peter could somehow force the lock, how did he move back the wardrobe without waking you up? It was impossible.

Yet here you were, laying on the bed with your older adopted brother holding you like a big toy. Although you knew it was wrong and you had to push him away, strangely, you felt too groggy to move as if you simply couldn't fully wake up. What the hell was happening?

"You feel so soft." Peter's voice sounded gentle when he caressed your belly through the fabric of your pyjamas, trailing little kisses down your neck. "I want to sleep with you like that every night."

You groaned in response, trying to move his hand but failing miserably. "Ohh, fuck off, Peter. You're my brother."

"Yeah, and you should let your older brother do as he pleases." The soft murmur made you suddenly moan while the boy started slowly massaging your breasts, pressing his thumbs to your nipples and drawing a loud sigh from you. "Yes, like that. I'm gonna make you feel real good, baby girl."

You opened your eyes and moved away a little from him as you felt Peter letting go of you, but he just crawled down, separating your legs and getting in between, pressing his nose to your crotch covered by your pyjama pants. His warm breath made you squirm, but his hands on your thighs held you in place, making it impossible for you to escape. What was he doing? Before you had a chance to ask him, Peter pressed a kiss to your mound and rubbed his face against it. Was he moaning?

You reached out to his head and attempted to push him away, but it felt like you had no strength left in your body. For some reason, waking up this morning seemed almost impossible.

Peter had already tugged the elastic of your pants down, licking his lips at the sight of your bare pussy in front of him and leaning closer to have a lick. You mewled at the pleasant feeling of his wet tongue on your skin. Shit, it was so good.

Gently sucking your clit and touching it with his teeth just a bit to make you shiver, Peter used his fingers to caress your folds as you quickly grew wet, your breath becoming ragged. What would your parents say if they saw you two like that?

"Peter, please, stop." You whispered to him, pleading the boy to stop. "I'll... I'll tell dad."

For a second he detouched himself from your pussy, licking his lips and letting out a chuckle. "I bet he's gonna be happy you finally have a decent boyfriend."

You clenched your teeth as Peter returned to eating you out. Shit, it was so good. He was so good, licking you, sucking, kissing, making you go crazy with his tongue dancing in between your lower lips and then sticking it inside your core while you grasped your pillow in your hands, moaning like a fucking slut beneath Peter, your lovely older brother who kept stalking you even when you moved out from your parents' house and went studying in college. Oh no, no, it shouldn't feel so good, it shouldn't f-feel...

"Aaaahh!" You let out a high-pitched whimper, feeling you were getting close and bucking your hips. Suddenly, Peter stopped, flashing you a grin after he kissed your clit. "No, please!"

"You want to cum, sweetheart?" He cooed lovingly, rubbing circles on your mound while you tried riding his hand to finally reach your orgasm. "I'm so sorry, but you have to say you love your dear brother if you want to cum. Will you say that, dear?"

"N-no, I can't." You shook your head, keeping your eyes close and whining as the boy withdrew his hand completely. "No, Peter, please, I need to cum, I need to!"

"I know, sweetheart. You gotta say how much you love me and I'll make you cum." His taunting whisper was making you even more wet. "Want to cum on my tongue, dear? Want me to lick your pussy clean, huh?"

You bit your tongue, hoping the pain would make pleasure fade away, but the boy only smiled and kept teasing your clit with his fingers, watching you shake your hips again when you tried to make him speed up. Nevertheless, he refused letting you come before you said the right words, and with that delicious pressure building up so fast he made you go insane.

Next minute you couldn't take it anymore, pressing his head to your crotch and whining, "I love you, Peter! I love you so, so much!"

His devilish green made you want to straddle his face as the boy snuggled closer to you, his two fingers getting inside your aching core while he sucked on your clit, speeding up more and more while you moaned on the top of your voice. It was so good, so tender and sweet as Peter kept eating you out while his other hand was on your thigh. Your legs felt numb, and suddenly the tension inside of you broke as you cummed, screaming his name and grasping his dark disheveled hair.

You cried out your bliss when Peter kept drinking you juices gushing down your thighs, pinning you to bed. He licked you clean, smiling and kissing your lower belly as you were slowly coming down from your high, staring at the white ceiling above you. Oh shit. You let him eat you out, and you weren't even sure you didn't want it.

"You could ride my face every morning if you wanted to." Peter murmured to you, getting up and clinging to you. His kiss felt warm, and you could feel your own taste on his tongue. "I love eating out my little sister's pussy."

"Peter, you're gross." You grunted, closing your eyes and pressing your head to his chest. "Stop saying that like we're related."

"Isn't it more fun that way?"

You sighed, feeling the boy dropping a kiss to your forehead. Everything was odd, starting from the way you woke up and finishing with that weakness you still felt, unable to move. That bastard did something to you, right? Oh God, having him visit you was a really bad idea, and you cursed youself for believing Peter's words he would do no harm to you.

Well, technically, he didn't.

"Do you wanna fuck?" He murmured, rubbing himself against your lower belly and kissing the top of your head. You looked at his slightly pink face, knowing you don't have enough strength to push him away. "Come on, sweetheart, I wanna have some more."

"You're out of your mind." You answered and felt so damn good when the boy kept rubbing his cock against your swollen clit.

"I'll fuck the shit out of you sooner or later anyway." He chuckled darkly all of a sudden, his lips on yours before you could protest. He loved seeing you like that, a boneless mess beneath him, warm and unable to fight him. Cuddling with you like that before having sex was the best thing he could ever have, he thought, clamping your ass with his hand and deepening the kiss.

Shit, were you growing wet again? You had just cum.

"Wait, wait, Peter." You inhaled loudly when he let go of you. "Why are you doing all this? We've agreed if I play your little sister, you'll be good to me."

"That was when you were in school."

The thick, already leaking with precum tip of his cock was slowly entering your throbbing pussy as you whined, Peter's arms preventing you from moving away again. Shit, he was serious. He was going to fuck you.

It was easier to take him after such an intense orgasm, but still a bit painful, and the boy stilled, letting you get accustomed to his length while he was kissing you feverishly. A coil was tightening in your belly again, your body growing hot. Damn, you adopted brother was having his way with you, and you just layed there, moaning and unable to move. Why did it feel good? Why did your body welcome him?

"You're such a good girl." He cooed, and you tightened around Peter, drawing a quiet moan from him. "See? There's nothing scary. When I make love to you it feels so nice, right?"

You groaned at him, irritated, but bit your lips when he moved inside you, forcing you to clench the bed sheets. He was right, it felt so good to have him inside, rubbing the sensitive walls of your pussy as Peter pounded into you, watching your expression change. It was making you even weaker, forcing you to feel yourself so small and helpless with him on top of you, his gaze dark and receptive. It was making you feel like all you wanted was to be taken care of, stop protesting, and relax while Peter was making love to you, looking at you so possessively and lovingly at the same time. God, what was this boy doing to you? Why did it feel so good?

"Tell me you love me." He suddenly asked, pressing himself closer to you and kissing your face. "Please."

He sounded so needy, biting his lips as he stared down at you. For a second you felt pity for him, snuggling closer to you and asking you to give him at least a little love. Sighing, you twined your arms around his neck and reached out to him, pecking his lips. The boy stilled on top of you.

"I love you, Peter." You said quietly, looking into his deep dark eyes, still refusing to believe you were going to say it. "You scare me, but I think I do."

For a minute you just stayed like that, staring at each other's faces and feeling your warm bodies touching. With his arms on your pillow, Peter wasn't forcing you to stay beneath him anymore, yet you didn't move, watching him, your gaze hazy. When you blinked, you suddenly saw his eyes watering and realized Peter was crying.

What?

He turned his head away immediately, but it was too late as you furrowed your brows at him, laying your hands on the sides of his face. Why was he crying? In the middle of having sex? Was it one more of his tricks to make you pity him or something?

"Peter, look at me." You demanded as you turned his face to you, watching his eyes getting red as tears were streaming down his face. He didn't say a word to you, but you thought he looked... ashamed. Unwilling to show you this side of him. Confused, you gently wiped his cheek with your fingers, unsure of what to say.

As he couldn't bear looking at you, the boy clinged to you, hiding his face in your pillow and slowly starting to move despite still crying a little, and you squirmed beneath him. You couldn't stop him - not that you wanted to do it at this point - but wrapped him in your arms, trying to give him some comfort. Did you do something wrong? You had never seen his eyes wet before except that time when your father accidentally stepped hard on his foot.

"Shhh." You cooed softly at him as Peter slowed down his pace a bit. Caressing his hair as if he were a little boy, you kissed his cheek and heard him sob. Oh dear, he was really crying. "It's okay, Peter. I don't like things you're doing, but you're my family. You will always be."

"Don't you like it?" He whispered as he thrusted partically hard, and you mewled, biting your lower lip. "Like that?"

Moaning, you closed your eyes as he sped up again, kissing your face with his swollen lips, his balls slapping against your pussy with a lewd sound. You didn't know what he had given you last evening, but this thing made you so much more sensitive you couldn't stop mewling, melting from his touch, wanting Peter to do it more, your head still clouded.

"Peter, ahh!" He was becoming more and more relentless, kissing you, hiding his tears. "P-peter, I like it... I like it so much... but it's not right." His tongue tentatively danced with yours as he deepened the kiss to keep you quiet.

When you orgasmed again, the boy kept thrusting down as he chased his own release, growling lowly at the feeling of your sweet pussy tightening around him. Soon he finished too, freezing on the spot as you milked him dry, squeezing your eyes shut and breathing heavily. Despite your worry that he finished inside, he coated your thighs with his hot sticky seed and groaned, finally falling down on your bed.

You spent a few minutes in complete silence, listening to each other's heartbeat slowing returning to normal.

"I thought you didn't care." You whispered to him when Peter cuddled with you again, his hands caressing your back. Your gaze travelled down your body as you looked at his cum glistening on your skin.

"Of course I do." He said, averting his eyes. "I know what you think of me, but I do care about you."

There was desperation to his voice as the boy hid his face, pressing his forehead to your shoulder. You thought he was hugging you like a kid. God, were you seriously warming up to him? Peter was still creepy as hell, and you were pitying him now.

You sighed, burying your fingers in his soft hair and closing your eyes. You had no strength left to try proving something to him - or yourself. You would think about it later, you decided. Now you only wanted to rest.

In a minute or two Peter had finally let go of you, and you felt cold without him by your side as you shivered, covering yourself with a blanket. The boy smiled at you, taking a pack of napkins from your table and snatching a pair. Then he returned to you and carefully put a blanket aside, gently wiping his seed from your thighs. You didn't expect any aftercare, but, apparently, Peter could be way more considerate than he seemed.

"What are you going to do after?" You asked, eyeing him with curiosity.

"Mm? I'm going to return to bed and sleep with you for a couple of hours." He smiled, and you rolled your eyes.

"I mean what are you going to do after that? Do you think you could keep this a secret from mom and dad?"

His smile became even wider, and the boy chuckled, leaning closer to kiss your belly.

"Not sure about dad, but I think mom knows about you and me. Like, she knew from the start." You really wanted to smack his head to wipe that stupid smirk from his face, but his gentle kisses made you too comfortable to react like that, and you simply gave him a pat behind the ear.

"I'm not buying it, Peter. She would never let you do this to me."

"Well, maybe she doesn't know about this yet. But she had definitely accepted what we feel for each other."

"Peter, you're mad. You're my older brother."

"Adopted older brother, that is. Biologically speaking, we're doing nothing wrong."

As he grinned at you, throwing used napkins into a bin and getting back to bed, you just sighed loudly. He was damn impossible.

However, it felt so good when he leaned to you again, covering both of you with a blanket and murmuring something quietly in your ear while you relaxed against him. His warm little touches here and there were pleasant, and you involuntarily pressed your lips to Peter's temple, making him grin.

"You do realize once I return to normal I'll try to kill you for all this?" You asked tiredly and yawned, getting yourself comfortable on the bed. "What did you give me?"

"Don't worry, it was perfectly organic!" The boy hurried to explain and you shushed him, asking him to be quiet as you were slowly drifting off to sleep. "The effects will wash off soon, so you'll have a chance to murder me in cold blood when you wake up."

His gentle laugh was the last thing you heard before you finally fell asleep, your head on Peter's chest as he caressed your hair lovingly.

____________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@void-hoechlin @abyssaint @heeeyitskaty @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @rosalynshields @brattycherubwrites @sllooney @angrythingstarlight

#dark peter parker x reader #peter parker x reader #dark peter parker #peter parker #spider-man #yandere #tom holland

[theonlydianag]

Numb

Ive been completely numb these pass few days. Perhaps it's been months. Since the pandemic happen. I'm so grateful I get to spend more time with my parents. I fear that I wont be good enough. I've been in an environment where everyone doubts me. I'm tired of being treated like dirt from people. I hate being yelled at. I dont want to go back. I know I'm worth something more than that. I know I belong somewhere just dont know where. I'm being criticized for everything, even the way I write my own paragraph. It's insane. I get it. I have to talk like a professional. People will judge me for the way I write. I dont think I'm typing ghetto like from the hood. I dont intend to disrespect anyone unless I'm being provoked outside the working zone. However I'm still not good enough because the way I write. I get that I have a lot of run on sentence. I get that I need to practice more often. I just hate having the door getting shut in my face. It's been a year since Kobe died and my uncle. I find it hard to believe but life will still keep going. One thing that's stuck in my head is Kobe's quote "when you stay up late. And you work hard, when you dont feel like working, and you're tired, and you dont want to push yourself, but you do it anyway. That is actually the dream" it's not the destination but the Journey. Kobe I really hope your right. Its kills me working so hard, staying up late, reading. Yet nothing enters my brain and I had to ask other students for help. What if I'm not so lucky one day and I fail? I'm scared if I dont get a stable career soon my parents might not take it anymore. They too old to work. My father shouldn't have to work anymore. Burning his hands while cooking. Working in machines when he has arthritis. My mom is disabled so she cant work at all. Plus we live in the 4th floor and they cant walk or run anymore. So I'm begging anyone to help me find a stable job, no a career. I know it's the pandemic. No fuck off with your pyramid scams I've tried that before. Amway, Usana, you name it. I've tried them all. I wish to work with lawyers. Help less fortunate people. Perhaps working in a hospital. I just fear my current intern might not keep me after all. If they dont I might not even have time to start over. That will depress me tremendously. I refuse to go back to retail or working in restaurants or delis. I belong somewhere! One thing is certain that they don't teach in school is "eventually we are doomed because we only live once." So sorry for professors having to read this crap since it's not in an apa format. Please dont expelled me for plagiarism. But the point is if I live once why on earth would I want to go back to those jobs to get treated like horse 💩 if not worse? It's as if people are so miserable with themselves that they seek joy in making others feel the same. Being a woman and a Latina clearly is a challenge. I can not even imagine being African American. I try to handle my situations with less aggression but it's like people are dying to see how far can I go to make this girl really mad.