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#i feel like im mourning a part of me which sounds fucking ridiculous
unimportantweirdo · 1 year
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⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️⚠️
oh i've relapsed hard
i haven't scratched myself in so long but when i'm experiencing intensely strong negative emotions i immediately lean back on self harm
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akechicrimes · 4 years
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tomorrow A-side / tomorrow B-side
@blazhy​ this got so long and im so sorry in advance 😔
the story of the two endings is a whole mess. i set out to write a story where akira and akechi reunite, akira becomes incredibly angry with akechi after reuniting post-royal, and in the original premise, akira just absolutely tears him apart--even moreso than he already does in B-side, because the original conceit was an angry fistfight and then horny makeouts. LMFAO. and then, i think, i vaguely imagined that akira would tell akechi to leave him the fuck alone, at least for a little while, while akira figured his emotions out.
also, i imagined that the story would be about 2-3k long, so as you can see by the fact that both editions of tomorrow are longer than 17k, you can see how this did not work out. LOLOL.
so with this premise in mind, i tried to figure out how they’d get to such a falling-out argument, and started with a external third person pov about the phantom thieves noticing how sad akira was after akechi left. i scrapped that because i feel a type of way about stories that center around validating the main character’s pain, switched to close-third person, started throwing around super mournful, angry, and generally upset paragraphs about how akira felt with akechi gone, which later became the sections nearer to the end (e.g. his dream about akechi’s funeral).
i really liked the strain of “akira daydreams about all the ways that the reunion could go, only for the actual reunion to be a total letdown/wake-up call,” so i kept writing the passages about his daydreams and how they eventually became more and more exhausted from the strain of waiting. and because i kept chasing that thread, it turned into the whole 16k saga that’s up on ao3.
around the midway point, i realized that the original ending wasnt going to work, because the original ending seemed weirdly fantastical and too picture perfect, especially after 16k of words about akira imagining picture-perfect scenarios where everything works out, and it felt wrong to play right into his fantasies of a reunion where things turn out alright.
so about the midway point, i came up with a series of different ideas that later became the B-side ending--rather than necessarily an argument that turned into an emotional reunion, maybe something less fantastical. in one of these endings, akira says he’s tired of being in love with goro, which finally sparks a conversation about their feelings. (i did not write this because it was a hugely guilt trip move on akira’s part. it made sense considering akira’s very very long wait for three years, but it made me want to gag, thinking about akira throwing his feelings at goro like goro is responsible for them.) in another one, akira apologizes for being in love with him (i dont remember WHY this was a thing). these were kind of floating around in my head, but it was ultimately all iterations of “akira and goro have some sort of argument but not in a horny way” at the end of the fic.
so a whole good chunk of the fic was written with an argument ending (essentially B-side) in mind: i wrote the scene in the jazz club with that in mind, as well as the strains in the fic about akira feeling like akechi was the one person he could be honest with, and a bunch of stuff about how much both akechi and akira appreciated and depended on each other to disagree with them.
but by the time i had gotten all my sections in order and written them back to november 2019, when the reunion was supposed to take place, i felt... really weird about the B-side ending. i’d basically dug my own grave, because i’d written 16k of akira slowly realizing that maybe he had to let akechi go after all, and the original ending didnt make any sense. and it felt really weird as an ending for the same reason i scrapped the original premise: it seemed like bad form to play into the idea that they’d reunite and everything would turn out alright, especially after all that time of akira imagining ridiculous and unrealistic lovesick daydreams. it doesnt make any sense to have a story about akira daydreaming and then end with more daydreaming.
*through gritted teeth* so i. had to put on my big boy pants. and admit. that i’d written myself into a corner. and i was narratively obligated. by virtue of pushing back against akira’s silly daydreams. to write an ending. where shuake. does NOT resolve everything. and instead. *grits teeth louder* their reunion goes disastrously. and. they break up. and. *grits teeth loudest* go their separate ways. for the foreseeable future.
i wrote it and was immediately so fucking devastated with my own ending that i DM’d vintgecassette like oh god please read this thing and tell me what you think of the end (please tell me that there is another option) and she was like “no actually this ending makes sense. im crying but it makes sense” to which i dramatically fell upon my knees and had to accept that i’d written SEVENTEEN THOUSAND WORDS about shuake reuniting after royal only to have them IMMEDIATELY BREAK UP.
i hated it instantly. i talked to kat about it some more and told her about the other ending ideas i had, and somewhere in that conversation she said that the B-side ending sounded actually really cool, since there was already lots of good foreshadowing for the ending set in place, and also because goddamn if anyone should open up a bit, it’d be akira “i dont talk about my feelings” kurusu. (again, i wrote most of the fic intending for the B-side to be the ending, so it made sense.) so i was like owo? and pulled all my scrapped content for the B-side back out of the Trash and started reworking it purely out of spite for the A-side, despite the fact that the A-side existed in the first place as a pushback against the B-side.
i think this is a very longwinded way of saying that i posted both endings because i thought both of them, if by itself, was just ridiculous. a sad ending like A-side felt like meaningless sad feelings unless there was a universe where things could have been better. B-side felt unrealistic without acknowledging that things could and maybe should have turned out for the worse. of course, this is just how the endings game to be written, and i think the effect they have is more complicated--ive read some really cool comments on what people feel and think about the endings, and i think all those interpretations all extremely cool and extremely valid.
tldr, i dont actually know how to write and everything was a mistake. thanks for the ask, im sorry again this is so long 😔
ask for the director’s cut on a fic i’ve written
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palmviolet · 5 years
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jim hopper, or how to fuck up a character: the guide
so. i am mad.
hopper was the character treated the worst in the season. (except perhaps will, because i was expecting so much and got so little.) but seriously? his characterisation was appalling.
i have already had problems with his parenting of el in s2. (as @nancykali has talked about in the past.) he was overly controlling and borderline abusive in trying to keep her safe - and this, while awful, could have been fixed in s3. you know how?
1) have them actually talk to each other about feelings etc.
2) have joyce actively involved in co-parenting el (as hopper clearly is not up to it on his own).
3) not be so controlling.
instead, what do we get?? horrifyingly controlling, obsessive parenting played for comic relief. joyce is clearly not a large part of el’s life (as she calls joyce ‘will’s mom’ only). hopper decides he wants to talk to el, have a ‘heart to heart’ - but instead he traps mike in his car and basically yells him down. not! good! parenting! and then he lies to joyce about it! and she doesn’t know this until after his death! which will make her already traumatic and tangled feelings even more complicated! ugh!
and then hopper and el are separated. for the rest of the season, until the very end. he gives her a nice speech, but that’s it. until after his death, when the mourning for his death is only really given to el- only el is really allowed to cry, only el is given a long moment with his memory. he’s spent the whole season with joyce, not even thinking about el (another writing mistake), and yet joyce is not allowed to mourn at all. what the fuck
and then. phew. his treatment of joyce.
i made a list of everything he said to her that made me want to cry.
(prior to this also mr clarke suggests she is delusional, ‘apophenia, seeing patterns that aren’t there’, and nancy tells jonathan he really is joyce’s son, because he ‘worries too much’.)
1) joyce tries to explain why she stood hopper up. he refuses to listen, repeatedly saying ‘you’ve outdone yourself, joyce!’ implying she’s descended to a new level of crazy. she recognises this and tells him ‘you’re not even listening to me!’
2) ‘it makes sense, i’m sorry.’ she sighs in relief because she thinks he believes her, like he has done in the past. UNTIL he becomes horribly, horribly sarcastic - almost cruel. she is very visibly worked up and distressed but he only cares about his feelings.
3) ‘now you’re inventing things to get worked up about because god forbid any of us move on!’ - seriously?? she’s clearly still traumatised and grieving bob’s death, and even if she is inventing things he should be concerned, not angry, because clearly she’s still dealing with the trauma of it all IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU HOPPER FFS
4) then they finally get to the lab. when she’s frozen staring at the spot where bob died hopper hesitates and seems very impatient - ‘are you okay? do you wanna wait in the car?’ it’s very peremptory.
5) then they get to the room where the gate was. he touches the empty wall and says ‘nobody’s home’ in a pretty scathing tone. joyce clearly has severe ptsd (she literally has a flashback that we see on screen while facing this wall) but hopper doesn’t seem to care. he’s treating her with a lot of impatience, patronising her like she’s a child.
6) she says ‘i feel like i’m losing my mind.’ well guess what, that’s because hopper is treating her like she is. after a moment he says ‘you’re not losing your mind’ and it sounds a little begrudging. thankfully the scene progresses to a more equal, healthy conversation involving the sharing of trauma. thank god.
7) ‘i think you should stick to sales’ after she screws up the numberplate - he doesn’t even give her a chance to explain that it’s a motorcycle, not a car, he just decides that she’s useless. however he does apologise somewhat by later telling her she should work with him instead.
8) the worst line. the worst fucking line in this season. joyce says of murray ‘he’s not eccentric, he’s certifiable’. is it wrong? yes. is it very slightly hypocritical? yes. (but only because others have dismissed her as crazy in the past- not because she is crazy.) but hopper’s response- oh my god. he shuts her down so completely it’s horrifying and i felt physically ill when watching. ‘glass houses’. ‘you know, pot calling the kettle black.’ what the hell? is that meant to be a joke? he basically just called her certifiable and a hypocrite. hopper, the only one who never called her crazy, who never dismissed her like that. he’s suddenly decided he can’t trust her intuition anymore and that she’s just as crazy as they all say. what the fuck
9) it gets a bit better from here. but- in the car on the way back to hawkins, once again he belittles her: ‘we’re on our way to rescue our children from the big bad 4th of july celebration’. jesus christ, hopper, just because you haven’t shown an ounce of concern towards el except when it’s to do with mike-
10) and then joyce imitating him in the last episode. ‘it’s really hard to listen to you when you make everything sound like it’s the end of the goddamn world’. joyce has literally recognised that he doesn’t listen to her, that he’s been diminishing, ignoring, and belittling her - even gaslighting her, using her reputation and history of mental illness as an excuse to just ignore her concerns.
in short, i am horrified. i enjoyed some parts of the jopper storyline but a great deal of it was really quite concerning and his storyline with el was awful. the worst part of the season for me, by far.
and don’t get me started on how they presented the aftermath of his death. (but im gonna go for it anyway lmao)
so we’re given the beautiful, tragic scene of el realising he’s dead, and joyce sobbing into her son’s shoulder. however even this has glaring faults - joyce shouldn’t just look at el breaking down. joyce and el should grieve together, because it is they who love/loved hopper the most. especially since el becomes joyce’s surrogate daughter at the end - there definitely should have been more signs and foreshadowing for that. for god’s sake, duffers, one female friendship isn’t enough.
and then- the very next scene is steve and robin looking for jobs. it’s a goddamn comedy scene, and it’s so jarring it hurt. seriously, it diminished the emotional impact ridiculously, almost bathetic. and then joyce gets- what. ten seconds? of grieving? and even when she’s having her moment of mourning el comes in, takes the speech, and suddenly the whole scene is all about her, again. now i’m not diminishing her pain but when all season long it’s been joyce & hopper, the lack of emotional impact is frankly disappointing.
hopper was a great character at the start of the show, and even had his great moments this season. but he was reduced to this caricature - angry, overprotective dad, snarky love interest whose sarcasm was often downright cruel. i am so disappointed in the way they presented him, because they could have done so well - fixed the mistakes they made in s2 and made him even better.
tl;dr: hopper is borderline nasty to both el and joyce in this season and thus is vastly out of character. do better, duffers.
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rorykillmore · 4 years
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so today is @firelxdykatara‘s birthday!!!! she asked for a fic with natasha in it, and i thought, well, villanelle went home a few days ago on denny but we never got to rp her’s and nat’s reunion. so i did a little fic of it!!! i hope you enjoy, kitty (and i hope i wrote nat okay, im love her) because i do adore this dynamic and i am just so happy we’ve gotten the chance to build it together as much as we have
also, have a wonderful wonderful birthday!!!  i know this is not exactly the easiest time of year to be celebrating, but keep your chin up and know that you have friends who love you and certainly love getting to spend a little bit of extra time with you. you have lifted my mood more times than you know by just being around and making me laugh, so i hope i can return the favor <3
Natasha is telling her little parts are enough, and oddly and inexplicably, Vilanelle thinks just then that maybe this is the safest she’s ever felt with another person.
The house is quiet the night Villanelle finally goes home. For a moment, she stands there out on the front porch and just breathes in the familiarity, the smell of the ocean and fire pits from down at the beach on the breeze, the sound of waves crashing against the shore in the distance. It soothes her, even if imagining what might be waiting for her inside does not.
With her and Draco gone, maybe Natasha and Fox have already cleared out. Personally, Villanelle doesn’t see grief or mourning as very good reasons not to live in a gorgeous and expensive mansion, but people and their emotions can be so unpredictable sometimes.
Maybe they are just out doing something. Maybe they are planning her funeral. Villanelle had considered further delaying her return for the sole reason that it would be incredibly fun and dramatic to crash her own funeral.
But barring that, she should probably stop standing here wondering about it and actually go inside, she figures. So she steps up to the door, and --
Damn it. 
It’s only when she tries the handle that she remembers she does not exactly have a key on her. To her own goddamn house. Wonderful.
Villanelle steps off the porch in favor of prowling the perimeter of the house instead, making for the pool deck in the back. Neither she nor her roommates are exactly the “hide a spare key under the doormat” type (they are all much too paranoid for that), but fuck, what is she, an amateur? If she cannot even break into her own home?
She’s just trying to figure out a way to do it without having to pay a window repair man -- and that’s when she rounds the corner of the mansion and sees that she was wrong.  The house is not completely dark.
There is a light on in (what she estimates with a fair amount of confidence, considering how long she’s been here) Natasha’s window.
And suddenly, Villanelle gets the perfect idea.
Experimentally, she grips some of the ivy casing crawling along the wall and, once she’s sure it’s not going to give, she starts to climb. Natasha’s bedroom is only on the second floor, thankfully, so it’s not like she has to make it the whole way. When she gets up to the window, she pauses briefly to readjust herself before giving it a quick tap. She doesn’t even detect any movement in response, but she knows that’s most likely because Natasha is smart enough not to put herself in plain view of a potential intruder.
Sure enough, the curtain gets pulled back a second later, though, and Villanelle finds herself face to face with her friend with only a panel of glass to separate them.
Natasha stares.
Villanelle grins, and uses her free hand to give her a little wave.
She holds her position as Natasha finally seems to remember herself, unlocking the window and pulling it open, and by way of greeting --  “You... realize you could have knocked.”
“I did,” Villanelle responds innocently.  “Technically.”
“At the door.”
“I thought you would respect me making an entrance.”
Natasha’s lips twitch, like she wants to smirk, but she doesn’t.  Maybe she’s still a little too rattled. Villanelle will have to try harder. But that will have to wait until she actually climbs inside, which she does carefully when Natasha moves back in clear invitation.
“Surprised to see me?”  she asks once she’s steadily back on her feet, offering Natasha a crooked grin.
Natasha doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, she first takes a moment to study Villanelle, who studies her right back, taking a quiet sort of delight in how good she’s gotten at reading Natasha’s usually inscrutable expressions.
She takes less delight in the troubled shadow of sadness she sees in Natasha’s eyes, but... well, what can she do? She can’t take back the fact that she was forced into the Games. Or the fact that she died there. 
“There were rumors some of the tributes were coming back,” Natasha finally responds. “But the RID hasn’t gotten anywhere close to verifying all of them.  So... yes.”  She gives Villanelle a tired sort of smile.  
Unexpectedly, Villanelle wants to reach out to her.  That’s a relatively new impulse -- so far, she’s shied away from too much physical contact with most of her reunions, or at the very least being the one to initiate it. Maybe the difference here is that Nat has always been so unexpectedly grounding for Villanelle -- not that she would ever be sappy enough to put that into words. But --
-- In some ways, it’s only now that she’s here with Natasha that it finally registers that she’s home.
She curbs her impulse and sits down on the edge of Natasha’s bed instead, shrugging.  “It was a surprise to me too,” she admits simply. Understatement of the century, but that part probably doesn’t need to be said.
Carefully, quietly, Natasha sits down beside her.  “...I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, because at this point that’s a stupid question.”
Villanelle hums in agreement.
“But depending on your level of... not okay, I’m...  you know. I’m here.”
And Villanelle supposes that she wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble of scaling the wall to climb in through Natasha’s bedroom window if she had not, on some level, wanted her to be. She considers for another stretch of silence before she attempts a response.  “...You know what it’s like.”  Perhaps not the Hunger Games specifically, but extreme conditions of survival, endless cycles of violence, trauma? Villanelle is sure Natasha’s on the same page.  “Sometimes it is best to just compartmentalize and move on.”
Natasha exhales slowly, but there’s nothing remotely judgmental in her expression.  “It’s certainly easiest,” she agrees, without pushing. Villanelle instinctively relaxes a fraction.  “Especially since you haven’t exactly had a lot of privacy over the last few weeks. It’s just... sometimes it’s also good to have people you don’t have to hide everything from.”
It’s the way Natasha says it that makes Villanelle pause before just shoving the idea away completely. Most other people, Villanelle knows, would have said “you can talk to me” or “you don’t have to hide from me” or some bullshit like that, expecting her to open up like a book waiting to be read.
But Natasha knows that for people like them - people who have worn and shed the skins of many, many different personas, who may not even know who they really are if they dig deep enough underneath all that - it’s not such an easy thing to do. An impossibility, even, to give someone the whole of yourself, or even just the whole of a singular feeling, when you are so used to only chipping off and offering little parts.
Natasha is telling her little parts are enough, and oddly and inexplicably, Vilanelle thinks just then that maybe this is the safest she’s ever felt with another person. She sighs, and then laughs, the sound rusty with disuse.  “It feels weird. Giving your life for someone else.  Not good. Not special.”
Silence answers her briefly as Natasha turns to stare at the wall opposite, her mouth twisting wryly, sadly.  “...Yeah. I know what you mean.”
And she does, Villanelle realizes belatedly. Everything before the Games feels so much further away now, but she still remembers that ridiculous future marriage they’ve both avoided talking about. And she still remembers what Natasha told her, even if she has been trying to do Natasha the courtesy of pretending that she didn’t.
“I know what you did in there must go against all of your instincts. And everything you’ve been taught,” Natasha starts, her voice hitched with just enough emotion for Villanelle to know she’s speaking from experience.  “...But you made your own choice. And you did it for someone you love. And whatever else you want to think about it, Villanelle, that still proves that you are so much more than just anything anyone could train you to be. Than every fucked up thing you’ve been through.”
Villanelle swallows without saying anything and stares down at her hands. It makes her think of what Natasha said before, when she had described the sacrifice she’d made for Clint.  That she was broken. Villanelle has never thought of herself as “broken”, at least not in any kind of self-deprecating way, but she feels a little bit like she is now.
Mostly, though, she thinks about how Natasha came here after dying. How Natasha has probably not had anyone to tell her these things.  And Villanelle, surely, would not be very good at it if she tried, but...
...She finally reaches out the way she wants to, and squeezes one of Nat’s hands with her own. “So are you,”  she asserts firmly, determinedly, staring back at Natasha with all the adoration she can still muster (surprisingly, a lot, even given how exhausted she is) as if she can single-handedly, telepathically convince Natasha of how amazing she is.
And when Natasha squeezes her hand back tightly, Villanelle thinks, maybe she can’t fix everything for Nat just like Nat can’t fix everything for her. 
But maybe they can do it in little parts, just like everything else.
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anastasiaskarsgard · 5 years
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so theres my masterlist for previous chapters. Here is the newest part of 
HIS QUEEN
4
NSFW 18 + mention of death, butchering, sex, some stuff that may freak ya out. its Roman Godfrey 
DESCRIPTION***** Briana could tell Roman Godfrey was trouble from the start, but he eventually got under her skin and broke her heart. Just when she feels like she’s moved on, his lawyers show up and tell her shes his sole beneficiary. with pryce and the board dead too, what serets does the white tower hold?
                                                         4 The reality of the shit show that apparently had gone down in the past month in Hemlock Grove,  was starting to sink in as they made their way down to the underground levels. The Godfrey Institute without any Godfreys', and no Dr Pryce, seemed an impossibility. Bri had a lot of respect for the late doctor, but the man was ruthless, with little to no sympathy for the dead. A lot of people said they were afraid of him, but she felt that wasn't the proper emotion dr pryce inspired. Fear wasn't the right word if she were honest. He was charming and charismatic, but it was all superficial. Uneasy was the best way to describe how he made her feel, even though she had counted him as a friend.
The doors opened to Basement three which was the lowest level of the underground floors, and was essentially an enormous freezer. When you stepped out of the elevators there was a great hallway stretching to your left and right, as well as straight ahead. There were five aisles of freezers, each varying levels of cold storage from near freezing temperatures for keeping medications and organs, freezing temps for cadavers of people and animals, all the way down to a cryogenic freezer cooled with pure liquid helium. The fact it even existed was mind boggling to Bri.
This wasn't the first time she had been down there. she'd been down there several times, but she never had turned right, so when Blitzkey turned right and proceeded all the way down to the furthest aisle, she was elated. She'd never been allowed to go right, and she'd always been curious what was so forbidden, especially when she thought about the crazy things she'd been allowed to see.
Dr Pryce had some deal with a few hospitals to get the bodies that are given up for science by family members, or those that were never claimed. It was actually shocking the amount of cadavers they processed and were used in Dr Pryces' controversial macabre experiments. Bri often wondered if the families of these corpses would be mortified if they discovered what had happened to them. She couldn't refer to them as loved ones, or even people or she felt sick.
She had to figure that out after a few times dealing with "processing." She'd always been very respectful of the dead. Handling them with extra care and consideration, because they had once had hopes and dreams. They had family and friends somewhere that were most likely mourning them, the least she could do, was be reverent. Since the bodies they received weren't ever going to be seen again, and there was little to no accountability with how they were treated, they would be hacked to pieces like a cow in a  butcher shop. Sometimes they might only need a certain part, and send the rest through the shredder. There'd also been more than one occasion where the deceased was obviously murdered but showed no signs of an autopsy. That was what had lead Bri to discover Romans secret.
From the first day she met Roman, she had known there was something about him that wasn't human. She was thinking it was a severe personality disorder like psychopathy or he was one of those people that had special genes that made them have  super powers. She had read that some people only require two or three hours of sleep a night, or there are people that have unbreakable bones, or even those that have super hearing or eyesight. She thought Roman was super attractive, and it just fucked up his personality somehow.
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr Pryce had mysteriously received a body quite late in the day, and asked her and a lab teh to take it down. Bri was shocked when she touched the person and they were still warm, but she rolled the body to the elevators, keeping an eye out to avoid Roman. She'd asked her partner to warn her if she spotted him so she could hide. She felt ridiculous, but she knew he was trouble, because for whatever reason if he wanted to talk to her, she couldn't say no. even when he asked her out, over and over and she said no, for some reason, she couldn't walk away until he had given up. her partner spotted him when they got down to the freezers, so in Bri's panic, she hid on the shelf under the bed they were rolling, hidden by the hanging sheet. Roman walked right up and offered to take the body from there. Bri found it entirely unusual for the spoiled CEO to be so helpful, but was reassured business was as usual when her partner tried to refuse, and he called her a fuckwit and made her go back upstairs. Bri wasn't freaked out, but more annoyed with what an asshole he had been, but she figured she would just climb out from under there, when he left.
When he rolled the body in the freezer, she assumed he would leave, except he didnt. He closed the door and removed the sheet, now leaving her totally visible if he were to step away and look below.  She was trying to think of a reasonable explanation, when she heard a grotesque chomping, wet slurping sound. The possible causes of these sounds raced through her brain, and none of them made any sense. Her fear melted away, transforming into morbid curiosity so she crawled out from under the bed and turned to see what he was up to.
The breath in her lungs hitched and her stomach did back flips when she beheld Roman Godfrey, the Beautiful Boy Billionaire sucking someones blood. His eyes were closed, so he hadn't noticed her yet, as he was clamped down on this persons neck and sucking the blood out. It was the most puzzling amazing thing she had ever seen. He was absolutely drinking this persons blood and she had so many questions.
Romans bright green eyes lazily opened, before noticing a figure standing in front of him, causing him to leap back in complete panic;  eyes wild, blood dripping down his chin, frantically back peddalling until slamming into the far wall.
Bri glanced at the body and then carefully approached Roman, avoiding looking in his eyes since she read that you don't do that to predators. And there was something funny about what happened when he wanted her to do something.
"Its not what it looks like," he whined.
"Oh Roman, it's exactly what it looks like. Are you a vampire?"
"Are you a fucktard? There's no such thing as vampires."
"I did notice that you ate raw pork once and you didn't get ill. I found that strange. All the meat you eat is raw, and I wondered how you never appeared to fall ill."
"Look me in the eye Bri."
"oh no no Dracula. I finally get how you somehow talk me into shit that I don't want to do! You have that vampire razzle dazzle bullshit."
"are you hearing yourself right now?" Roman scoffed as he walked over to Bri,
She tried to appear confident and was surprised that she felt no fear, but somehow she KNEW he would not hurt her. He put his finger under her chin, attempting to make her look at him, but she shut her eyes. "Just answer some of my questions Roman. for science for fuck's sake!"
"You are so weird. Aren't you afraid I'll eat you if I am a vampire?" he spit with such venom, that Bri just started swinging, with her eyes shut. "what the hell? your eyes aren't even open!"
"I don't like your bitch ass tone!" she steamed
If she had had her eyes open, she would of seen the big grin on Roman's face.
"How are you still a brat? Most people would be having a fucking shit fit, but you wanna play twenty questions."
"Oh my fucking god, I get twenty!? Ok ok ok. I'm ready!"
"I don't mean literally twenty questions, that's an expression. Why should I answer any questions for you, what do I get out of it?"
"I will go out with you, but you have to promise to be honest or I will be able to tell and I'll never speak to you again."
"What makes you think you'll even leave this room if I'm a vampire and now you know?'
Bri opened her big beautiful eyes, looking deep into Romans emerald orbs and said with complete conviction "You'd never hurt me."
Roman was so enchanted by the way she seemed to be looking at his very soul, that he forgot to try and compel her, before she remembered to close her eyes again.
"OOOOHHH! You almost got me with the mind ninja shit!"
Roman laughed and shook his head, he was so drawn to this woman, she was almost like a drug to him. He'd never wanted someone or something as bad as he wanted her so he threw caution to the wind. "Ok. First question."
"Are you some sort of vampire?"
"I'm actually an Upir which is like a vampire."
"ok, two, How can you walk in the sun?"
"The sun doesn't bother us, I think thats just bullshit."
"three. How old are you really?"
"I'm really eighteen."
"Four. Are you going to get old and die like me?"
"No. We live a very long time?"
"Five. How did you become this?"
"I was born with it and I took my own life?"
Bri frowned, she hadn't been expecting that. It turned her stomach and made her want to comfort him. She reached out blindly trying to find him but he moved just out of reach. "Dammit Roman where are you?"
"Im right here, what are you doing?"
"trying to comfort you, What does it look like? Give me your hand." she huffed.
Roman complied and interlaced his fngers with hers.
"Ok. Six--"
"you mean eight."
"What?How?"
"there's eight and nine. six you asked where i was. seven you asked what does it look like. eight you asked what, and nine you asked how."
"you are fucking impossible. I can feel you smirking too so stop it.' she said squeezing his hand as hard as she could.
"you're so cute when you're mad babe."
"Ok ten! Did you know killing yourself was gong to turn you into this?"
"No."
"Eleven.... Why would you ever do that Roman?"
"I felt like it was the only way to beat my mother. She wanted me to do the unthinkable, so rather than listen to her, I thought I'd fuck up her plans and die."
"Is she an Upir?"
"She is."
"Thirteen. I gotta keep track here. Did you know she was one?"
"No i Did not."
"How am I already at fourteen? FUCK!"
"Number fifteen..."
"Dammit! Ugh. OK only five more. Must not be dumb ok. Fifteen. Have you ever killed anyone?"
"yes."
"Did bitch have it coming?"
Roman let out a belly laugh and said "Yes always."
Bri Smiled. "If I open my eyes, are you going to mind ninja me?" silence. "Roman if i have to repeat the question, it still only counts as one."
"I mean I have to Bri. I cant have you knowing this about me and then just act like its ok. And you're right, I won't hurt you so I have to make you forget."
"Please don't Roman." She said pulling Roman into an embrace. "I want to kiss you, but you have blood on your face."
"You are the weirdest fucking girl in the entire world."
Bri Giggled, "Why? And holy shit its cold!"
"Ok this is number eighteen. Because I have had lunch with you a million times, bought you a bunch of gifts, wrote you notes, listen to you talk about shit I do not give a flying fuck about and even be nice to people, i mean i literally did for you what i didnt think i could do, and you won't give me the time of day, but all of a sudden I am literally eating someone and you wanna kiss me. Fucking unbelievable!"
"Its because I feel like I can trust you now. Why didnt you just mind ninja me into going out with you or maybe even fucking you, I dont know the limits of this power."
"Because I want it to be genuine and i want you to remember it cuz i want you to..." silence.
"You want me to....." Bri whispered feeling his hot breath on her face. She looks up into hs big green eyes, and notice the extra moisture there. Its downright comical, that he somehow looks vulnerable with blood all over his face.
"I want you to love me."
"This is all you're fault Roman Godfrey!
"Whats my fault?' He brought his lips close to hers, as his breath ghosted along her lips, causing the shivers to run down her spine. She leaned forward and their lips met, making her feel relief and revulsion simultaneously. Roman responds with a low growl and turns his head to take the kiss deeper. He sucks on her lower lip, causing a needy moan to escape Bri as she rakes her hands through his hair. Roman grabs her by her shoulders and spins her around so now she is pinned against the wall. He kisses along her jawline, to her ear and she can't help but to hold her breath when she feels his wet tongue drag down her throat. He pulls her shirt down taking her nipple in his mouth as he looks up at her and she can't think of a time she ever wanted someone more. "This is dangerous."
"You'd never hurt me. But real talk, I'm fucking freezing."
With a great amount of effort, Roman pulls himself off of her out of breath, and nearly mad with need. "Go straight to my office. I'll meet you up there."
She runs for the door, realizing she is violently shaking without Romans warm body pressed up against her. She opens it, looking outside to make sure no one is in the hall. Coast is clear for her to hustle into the bathroom, just as she hears the elevator doors open. She looks in the mirror and surprisingly is fine with her reflection. Blood is all over her face, neck, and blouse and her hair looks like someone took it half apart. She had his large handprint on her arms and the entire side of her head. She knows this should be freaking her out, but she keeps looking at his bloody hand prints, and decides then and there, she is his.
                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She realized she had been holding her breath when she walked in the cooler, and startled Blitzky when she finally expelled it. Roman hadnt been put away, and was on a stainless steel table, completely nude, with what appeared to be his heart (or what was left of it) on the table next to his head. His throat had been ripped open and there was a large chest wound where his heart had been ripped out, before being chewed and spit out. He had suffered some type of skeletal breaks as well, since his position appeared unnatural.
He was really dead, she was alone. she could feel the tears streaming down her face, making no effort to hide it. Every second feels as though she's losing touch with reality. Pure panic setting in.
"Wow this is really not fixable is it?' she shrieks, in a voice she doesn't even recognize.
"There's actually something else we could try that not exactly ethical, and i"m not sure that he will still be himself, but will not judge you, no matter what you try. I will assist you, I just can't make the decision." Blitzky said, hands visibly shaking like a dog shitting peach pits.
Bri's heart flutters and she calms instantly, hope reignited in her "Anything."
" Well I am sure you are aware there are three levels to the basement."
"Obviously."
"Except its not. there's four levels."
"What is he hiding down there?"
Blitzkey looked like he was having a minor panic attack and couldn't hold still or catch his breath. Bri walked over comforting him, and rubbing his back trying to get him to get it under control. she allowed him to embrace her as she tenderly rubbed his back. She wanted to know what the fuck was down there, but he had been through a lot, so she tried to be as empathetic as possible.
"Its his stock." he whispered.
Bri felt her stomach twist in a knot. A chill ran up her spine, and she wanted to believe he wasn't talking about live donors, but she couldn't think any other type of stock that required top secret secret locations.
"When you say stock, do you mean donor parts or experimental projects?"
Blitzky laughed uncomfortably, reaching up and itching the back of his neck. In the time she had spent with him before, she recognized it as his nervous tick. "I mean donors are the best way to put it, although all these donors are still alive. Dr Pryce liked to have live subjects for some projects. He was also very interested in becoming an Upir himself so he'd never die and was determined to figure out how to turn a human. He has several of them down there still and i have no idea what to do with them now. They're all criminals and not the types to let out into the world. He made sure they were all loathsome beings. The humans are easier to deal with than the Upir. One of them looks like he's just a beautiful teen boy, but hes a psychopath that's killed hundreds if not thousands. Let me just show you. I'm rambling," "Please do." Bri said, gesturing for him to lead the way. She couldn't believe how calm she was being over this. Why was she not surprised? "Do you think we could rebuild Roman?"
Blitzkey motioned for her to follow him as they walked all the way ro the farthest right corner, where the cryogenic freezer was. I had heard there was one somewhere in the building, but it was kind of a myth no one saw and here it was. I was trying to ascertain how the liquid helium was cycled through the system, when Blitzkey typed a code in it, revealing it was in reality an elevator in disguise.
"That's kind of disappointing. I thought it was a real cryo cooler." Bri said. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine! Are you ok?"
"I'll let you know when we get down there."
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Do you think we'll see Dean and Jody discuss Cas? Does Jody even know Cas exists? They told her s8 angels exits and she was claire but still i thibk textually they never mentioned his name around her? Im guessing they are gonna discuss Deans feeling about Mary since Jody knew her but Cas?
I don’t know, which I know I say to like basically all questions about speculation but this one is something I don’t really have a clue about and I’m not even sitting on my thumbs pretending not to have an opinion because I’d rather not say anything on the record until I know I’m right or not… I really, genuinely, to the best of my ability to sound it all out and guess from the available information, don’t know :P 
It depends how they handle Cas being gone overall, whether Dean’s openly, loudly mourning him all the time every episode constantly, which is a detail where I’d only be able to offer you a confident speculation on the eve of this episode anyway after seeing the first 2. If Dean goes stoic and jaw-twitchy but quiet about it then probably not but that’s just like… super obvious and short term.
In the mean time, please assume the tin foil hat position you’d take to listen to a conversation that sounds like this:
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There’s quite a lot to pack in with meeting Patience, and getting our guys some good face to face time with Jody for any emotional support they need to sponge off her. Sam doesn’t seem to be around so he may be off with Jack, but if he wasn’t, he’d probably want to learn how to be a mom to him from Jody, for all we know :P Thematically it might sort of be that way anyhow - if Patience doesn’t come in direct contact with Sam it seems ridiculously unlikely she’s not going to be thematically connected to him and therefore Jack through an extremely easy join the dots between 13x03 and 1x09. (Sam already kinda went one round with this sort of thing in 12x04 so in a way he’s got his booster shot of dealing with it directly so it can just be storytelling mirrors for him :P)
Certainly Jody is more connected to Mary symbolically and in general the Wayward Sisters stuff has been more about parenting and those dynamics recently, with 11x12 looking at how Jody copes and teasing us with hindsight for Mary’s return with Dean talking to her about wishing his mom had been around, and in 12x06 and 12x22 she and Mary sort of bounce off each other as moms directly in a continuation of that - in 12x16 she’s not around except on the other end of phonecalls but Dean’s carrying on parenting Claire as a hunter a lil bit. 
Of all of those, 11x12 was the only one to make a nod to Cas with Claire holding grumpy cat in one of her scenes, but the show has decided to treat him a lot as just the inciting incident to get her onto the road hunting by dragging her into the life, while Dean does the thing he does around feisty wayward teenagers, and probably was mostly responsible for switching Claire’s amateur detective attempt onto a hunting thing in 10x20. I don’t want to make Claire cringe but I think she thought he was actually kinda cool and inspired her or something, because she had not had any interest in the supernatural side of things before that episode… 
Despite all her connections to Cas I think Dean sort of birthed hunter!Claire, so the story sort of wanders that direction and leaves Cas behind because he’s more like Azazel in Claire’s story than anything, even if a very sad soft squishy Azazel who gave her a stuffed toy for her birthday :P Still they played it like her forgiving and hugging Cas was about the same as Dean finally getting to shoot Azazel, in both case freeing them to go do their job with the angsty backstory resolved…
In any case, I think Cas is probably an emergency contact Jody has for Claire-related stuff, although whether they told her to or not, she’d probably always call Sam and Dean first because she knows and understands them (and has met them), and I think the story is asking us to believe that with this symbolism of Claire getting past what Cas did to her family, she’s in a new stage of life he’s not a part of in the same way even if she does cling onto grumpy cat, and Cas is still family to people who consider Jody as family, who she considers family. Sort of shunting him from awkward dad no. 3 of 4 as per 10x20′s recap and symbolism to a weird uncle or something. (Although if Jody has mom symbolism to both Claire and Dean, that makes them siblings and Cas her brother in law… this found family stuff is really difficult :P)
So there’s all that shaping my expectations - Claire’s not in the episode and she’s our connection between Cas and Jody. Previous episodes have made it clear that Sam and Dean really hate calling even beloved friends with their shit and don’t tell Jody alarmingly huge things like that Mary came back from death. She’s been offering a shoulder to Dean personally while he’s been going through all his stuff, and in 9x08 I think Sam did open up to Jody more than Dean even when they were all in the same room, never mind in that and 7x12 they got split up from Dean and actually bonded (And I think this is also a quote from Kim Rhodes but also just something fairly obvious, that because Sam was the one connected to her more in her intro episode and ended up shooting her zombie son for her, they’ve always had a closer emotional bond via shared trauma). 
I don’t think it’s showing that Sam and Jody aren’t as close now to have her switch focus to Dean but that Jody is determined to get Dean to open up to her *too*. In 12x06 they have really different attitudes about her when Sam makes the comment about Dean’s “animated Japanese erotica” which show how they’ve grown in different directions with Jody. So I think Sam’s closeness to her is fairly accepted fact and now Dean’s the tough nut to crack for her :P Anyway she’s made the offer two or three times now that she’s there to talk if Dean in particular needs her (definitely 10x08 and 12x06… Can’t remember if she said as much in 11x12 although they did also have an actual personal conversation in that episode, so one point to Jody there). I think 12x06 made it clear there’s still an owed conversation of greater than that opening up and spilling the beans on what’s making him emo right now, so there’s that.
And Cas and Mary have been connected all through season 12, in their arcs, in the subtext, in basically everything, and Dean textually named that in 12x22 that in the start of the season he’d “got Cas back, got Mom back” and in 12x23 of course he loses both, again, in a highly inter-connected way, and so again they’re going to be parallel lines to him, though again I think showing how he feels differently about one and the other and hopefully we get to unpack what those individual losses mean by the way of having both at once (and Crowley, who often in these cases is included to put a finger on the scale :P). 
One of the things confusing me right now is of last night’s behind the scenes set peeking which revealed a Turducken Slammer relaunch from the ever-hopeful Biggerson’s, which is not letting frequent murder and mayhem and dodgy meat recalls on its premises stop it from trying. Even if it’s as overall irrelevant to the story in the sense of being mentioned or actually explored as the Mystery Spot sign in 12x01, it’s still telling us something and making connections. I mean yeah it can just be worldbuilding continuity but it’s always picked for a reason and they know what all these signs mean and how to connect them, which is why we have the beer language for example. 
And Jody is pretty deeply connected to season 7 and Dean’s arc. And this connection was obliquely referenced in 12x06 in that moment I already mentioned, where Sam outs Dean’s porn habits to Jody. It was a nod from Yockey that he’d watched past Jody episodes because in every way it was a season 12 style rehash of Sam’s “strictly into Dick” comment, which was from a Jody episode. And… look, maybe this is the best way to explain how I felt the season 12 references were kind of out of this world in their scope and intelligence :P 
For starters, that comment was not just a run of the mill Dick joke, that was a Robbie level Dick joke, which collected up a hilarious character thing for Sam (his fucked up moment when he should have made the barb, his determination to hang onto the Best Zinger Of His Life until Dean next gave him an opportunity and bless Sam’s cotton socks he delivered it like a pro :P) and Dean’s spiralling obsession with Dick as a Dick or Anime thing. Dean’s anime-watching was from 7x01, when he was waiting for Godstiel to blow up the planet in despair, and was at just about the lowest point we’ve ever seen him. In 7x02 Bobby gives him the “You just lost your best friend” pep talk, which is a role of comforting parental figure Dean then went and lost that season when Bobby died. And in the end of 7x02 Dean reveals how Not Fine he is to Bobby’s answerphone, which is important that it’s never commented on again but I think affects how Bobby treats him and in the subtext of 7x09 you have to know all that happened. 
In 7x09 Bobby’s on his farewell tour of comforting advice to his adopted sons, in the last great set of retconning episodes to embed him permanently into their backstory as having always been there for them, to make it hurt juuust that much more than it already does. Towards the end of the episode he has another talk with Dean that mirrors advice Dean will get from Frank and Ness in 7x11 and 7x12, and *that* is opened up by Dean getting drugged by the turducken slammer and going on about how he doesn’t care about how he doesn’t care, and that he feels great for the first time since Cas and the black goo. Like, wow, his depression and hurt and betrayal didn’t go anywhere just because he said he was fine, who knew :P 
And that’s the backstory to Dean’s obsession over killing Dick, who has taken everything from him by this point in season 7, told through the medium of anime and sandwiches and somehow always ending up about Cas and Dean’s feelings for him. The anime was an attempt to not care and not think about it that the slammer actually inflicted on Dean, and was used to get Dean to tell us how he really felt. By 7x12 it’s a joke for Sam to make implying Dean’s into lowercase dick, with one of those false binaries the show loves making. And like in season 13 Dean’s lost a love interest and a parental figure, and now things are really blurry about which one hurts more in this short run of episodes before they both reappear in the narrative and make it confusing. 7x11 makes the hurt most about Bobby. 7x12 subtextually tells us rather a lot about Cas, especially by making a Bobby figure to contrast in the background with the lady in the shop who literally calls Dean an idjit at some point, I think, or some other Bobby-ism, to make it clear that Ness is definitely not standing in for that and all those Cas parallels are probably where it’s at while Dean fangirls over him :P 
And nope I’m not even done unpacking the Yockey Robbie Edlund turducken because of course JODY is all tied up in this completely. She’s incidentally in 7x02 as a useful local beloved character who can get menaced by Dr Sexy and let them know there’s leviathan nearby, and so she’s pretty embedded in the early Leviathan worldbuilding. Of course Edlund being Edlund, while the lil girl leviathan is channel surfing for ideas, there’s a Biggerson’s advert, I think the same one that plays in 7x03 or 7x22 about their pie salad bar (it’s like a salad bar, but pie!) and in the end she lands on wanting to be a Dr Sexy when she grows up. 
(Stop me when you think this might somehow subtextually be about Dean :P)
The Dr Sexy leviathan has an amusingly childlike view on being a surgeon as a result of forming its opinions on that job while being a little girl, and apparently not listening to the memories of the poor guy it ate except to get a frightening knowledge of anatomy. It very much acts the part of being a doctor on TV who can just wheel patients off to perform unnecessary surgery, as per the malpractice of our favourite sexy doctor on TV - and there’s a thing to contemplate about “I’m not a doctor, I just play one one TV” but that’s digressing :P But it goes and menaces Jody and Bobby goes and saves her, and Robbie brings her back 2 more times in season 7, once in 7x06 to thank Bobby for saving her, and to link them romantically so she can even more handily take over the parental role by being romantically linked to their adopted father, which is just a sort of easy association to help. And in 7x12 of course she’s just there and helping and mourning Bobby a lil bit with Sam (since Dean was the one in the focus for mourning Bobby in 7x11), drinking his dubiously won scotch from 11x16 (… Rufus didn’t have to let him have that one, Bobby WAS insisting it was a ghost :P I think he just wanted Bobby to have a win after seeing how down he was.) But that IS a Jody episode so it would have been on Yockey’s list for homework for 12x06 and it contained the anime/Dick thing. 
And, if he’d watched the deleted scene, at the end of the episode Dean makes it clear that he’s not sitting alone in the dark watching anime, he is strictly into Dick, and goes and reads an article on Dick “erecting” a tower.
(I hope it is clear how much I love the Dick references in season 7 by now and I’m not sorry, they started it :P)
So yeah. Jody is already intrinsically linked into a ridiculous chunk of the Dean/Cas subtext from season 7, the absolute wild nonsense that Edlund and Robbie were messing around with with pie and turducken and Dr Sexy and anime and Dick, to create the absolutely most ridiculous, like… no one part of it on its own in isolation doesn’t make you cry laughing, bit of storytelling (that, of course, added up into a full picture, just makes you cry a lot in earnest for poor Dean right then).
To me this is the picture of Dean mourning Cas in season 7, and the unique elements to season 7 are the anime (already referenced in season 12 just as an aside and I don’t think as anything more than a witty reference to past canon except that Dean was “kinda bummed” about Cas being gone (and don’t worry, I’m getting to Berens :P)) and the turducken, and Jody as one of the key characters wandering through all this picking up the emotional baton from Bobby, which she has been attempting to use on them ever since season 9, when they got back in contact with her after neglecting her all of season 8. 
(And, oh gosh, I stared out the window to try and collect my thoughts for the next paragraph and washed up on thinking about Sam going and crashing out on Jody over the Dean in Purgatory period instead of hitting a dog and ending up with Amelia, like Dean with Lisa except by the time Dean gets back Sam’s probably been whipped into shape and is wandering around Sioux Falls in a deputy uniform…)
Anyway yeah, to go back to 13x03 finally… If the Turducken sign isn’t portentous of anything, I’m still seeing the Gas n Sip sign, in the maroon colours rather than blue one, but still, in a Berens episode. And if you can’t get mourning Cas in season 7 via Jody and a turducken related things to stick, you can totally shortcut through the fairly simple steps of Berens + Gas n Sip = 9x06 and assume whatever personal feelings stuff Dean and Jody talk about, this is a great way to cram Cas into the background via the enormous glowing yellow sun that has come to represent him. (And, of course, it was Berens who had the “morning, Sunshine” line for us in 12x03.)
So I think the set stuff and character stuff all have some fairly good slap to the back of the head things for Dean to maybe open up to Jody or at the very least for whatever he says to her to be heavily subtextually about Cas even if Jody asks about Mary. Because Dean’s wearing weirdly Cas-coded clothes, and Jody is wearing the family unity red n blue plaid colours. The maroon Gas n Sip seems to be more about family and even Wayward Sisters, since it was prominently used behind Claire in 12x16 and maroon has been a lot about family because of the infamous red hoodie that Kevin, Charlie and Cas all wore, and that Mary was put in maroon within an episode of getting back (and Chuck tried to cash in on it in 11x21 to make himself look harmless and cute and relatable in the same hoodie). But even in 12x16 having the Gas n Sip sun looking over Claire, with her connections to Cas, made it seem like he was watching over her too. The colours change the meaning in some ways but the overall message is the same. I think in 13x03 we have to remember it’s also going to be about the Wayward Sisters so whether Jody and Dean are having a personal conversation or not, the sun might be about Cas but the overall thing might be a more neutral family building thing for the main arc stuff. If it was a blue Gas n Sip I’d immediately think it was all about Cas and oozing tragic subtext *everywhere* and completely unavoidably.
(it might also just be that they’re maroon because Biggerson’s are and maybe there’s some sort of corporate alliance of Gas n Sips connected to Biggerson’s, because, after all, Dick Roman ended up owning both franchises and by 7x23 you can see that both are involved in his masterplan, which is part of why I love so much Cas is then intimately connected to both later while still in a gloomy penance mood about the whole thing and everything he’s ever done since…)
… So to actually answer your question, I can see some really really convoluted reasons in the history of the show that if Dean and Jody have their big important “seriously how are you” talk in this exact location while hanging out and hugging in front of all these signs, that they might either not mention Cas at all because he’s not a part of the openly stated story going on between Dean and Jody and all this family stuff and Wayward Sisters and everything absorbed into the entire chunk of the show about parental relationships, of which Jody has been a part since 7x06 thanks to Robbie. Or it’s a part of the emotional backstory to Dean losing Cas which Edlund kicked into high gear in 7x02 while dibsing all the important Dean and Bobby conversations which shine a light on Dean’s loss and Cas, also dragging Jody into a ridiculous web of Dr Sexy and stuff that Robbie and then much much later Yockey were playing around with.
Either way,
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mllemaenad · 7 years
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Personally... I feel that WEaWH tries to remove itself from TME because it realizes that TME is fucking irredeemable garbage, and tries to make its WLW representation less appalling. So I'm entirely willing to overlook continuity errors for the sake of one relationship between women in the entire series that can go well.
I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that. I’m not going to argue with you on the merits of The Masked Empire, as you’re entitled to like or dislike any media you choose, but I don’t think Bioware is trying to distance itself from the novel. I also don’t think their motive is positive representation, or that they’re seriously suggesting a happy ending. However, even if they were I would call the choice to reunite Celene and Briala without any serious examination of the issues that drove them apart … disquieting.
1) On distancing themselves from the novel.
To begin with the obvious, several of the Dragon Age novels provide not only context for the quests in Inquisition, but also promotional material maintaining audience interest between games.
It’s hardly an accident that Asunder is a prequel to In Hushed Whispers/Champions of the Just, The Masked Empire is a prequel to Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts (as well as giving you a roundabout introduction to Solas) and Last Flight provides you with some context on why Weisshaupt is just no help at all during Here Lies the Abyss.
They do kind of want you to buy all their stuff. And if you started with Inquisition and liked what you saw, they want you to run back and buy all the earlier stuff for context. Video game tie-in novels aren’t generally considered high art, so they’d need serious reasons to want to reject the novel as part of their canon. Just in case, I checked The Masked Empire’s Amazon page, and it’s currently got 4.4 stars – so it doesn’t look like something they’d be particularly desperate to ignore. They’d rather you bought it and gave them money.
To move more to the specific, the game references the novel constantly. In addition to devoting a whole main quest to resolving its plot, it also includes cameos from Mihris, Michel and Imshael, which really serve no other purpose than to provide a bit of closure to the people who read the novel and wondered what became of them. This is actually more than it provides for, say, the characters of Asunder: Rhys and Evangeline appear only in a war table mission, Adrian doesn’t appear at all – and who knows where Shale has wandered off to.
It also references the murder of Briala’s parents directly:
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Cole: She’s still behind the curtains in the reading room, watching the blood pool on the floor.
Briala pulled the red velvet curtain aside. Her hands shook as she did. There was a pool of red on the floor of the reading room, staining the rich Nevarran carpet. It had spread almost to the curtain.
At the other end of the pool were Briala’s parents.
– The Masked Empire
If they really wanted to distance themselves from The Masked Empire, they wouldn’t put that in there. If they wanted to say that that this didn’t happen, they’d have retconned the story – or at the very least not mentioned it.
In fact, the choice of words is particularly distressing. Cole senses pain. When he says Briala is ‘still behind the curtains’ he’s emphasising that the trauma and anguish are still very much with her, making a reconciliation, particularly a reconciliation that utterly fails to address a thing that they have confirmed happened, even stranger.
 I would say that one motive for their choice to reconcile the two characters is simplicity. I like parts of Inquisition, but honestly it’s over ambitious. They set up a series of continent-wide catastrophes, each one intensely political: the mage rebellion, the Orlesian civil war, the collapse of the Chantry.
Each one probably requires its own game for a satisfactory solution. I realise they were probably going for something similar to the galaxy-wide political collapse in Mass Effect 3, but the Dragon Age games are at a serious disadvantage because they lack continuity of characters.
Mass Effect 3 had its own problems, of course, but for example – I think most people have fun curing the genophage for the krogan. But what they remember is Mordin Solus and ‘There’s a reaper in my way, Wrex!’ When it worked it was able to build on characters who were present across the series.
Inquisition is faced with trying to find resolutions for groups of people that have no direct connection to each other, and whom the protagonist has never seen before (even if they player has). This is hardly the only time their attempt to fix everything in a single quest ends up making no sense.
2) On positive representation
I’m afraid I don’t think what we get in Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts is especially positive. I think it’s … kind of infantilising, really, and has a whiff of sexism about it. I mean – again, I’m not asking you to like The Masked Empire. But this:
“It would have been a locked suite in the palace for a few years, nothing more!” Celene kept her voice low, aware that Michel and Felassan had stopped planning and were looking their way. “It would have changed nothing for us.”
“Your hair still stinks of the smoke from the people you burned,” Briala said. “That is a change.”
The dead leaves crackled under Celene’s feet as she stepped forward. “How many wars can our empire survive in such a short time? I wanted my legacy to be the university, the beauty and culture that made us the envy of the world. Instead I may be known as the empress under whom Orlais fell. You have the luxury of mourning Halamshiral’s elves and holding my heart hostage. Sitting on my throne, I see every city in the empire. If I must burn one to save the rest, I will weep, but I will light the torch.”
Briala swallowed. “You’re not weeping, as far as I can tell. Nor are you sitting on your throne. She stepped away, her movements fast and jerky. “With your permission, Your Radiance, I shall go indulge myself in my luxury.”
– The Masked Empire
… is at least an argument between adults, with the details of what they believe laid out. Celene honestly believes that the empire and her legacy are worth 'a few thousand elven lives’: she believes that maintaining the strength of Orlais is worth thousands of lives in sacrifice, as is the vision she has for the country’s future. Briala is facing up to the fact that this is the bargain she’s made: stay with Celene and she might see an elven scholar graduate from the university – but she’ll likely also see elves burn every time there’s a crisis, because elves are the most expendable people in the empire.
Briala wavers throughout the novel, obviously, because there is genuine feeling between herself and Celene. But the discovery that this has all happened before, that this is not the first time Celene has shed elven blood to impress her rivals and gain power, and that her own parents were among the victims, brings her to a decision.
You don’t have to like it, but these women are serious about what they want and believe.
But in Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts we get stuff like this:
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Sera: Elves-elves-elves, but it’s really a pissing match with an old lover. Don’t know the rest but that explains a lot.
It’s hardly coincidental that they chose Sera to say this. Sera the commoner, who despises the nobility. Sera the Red Jenny, with contacts in every corner of Thedas. True, Sera’s background has led her to reject a lot of elven culture, but her biggest objection is usually to ‘moping’ about the past. This:
Briala thought for a moment. “Celene and Gaspard saw an army, but that would be fighting their fight. With the paths, I could get food to alienages where elves would otherwise starve. They would let me move ahead of an oncoming army and warn the target, or move behind them and attack their supply lines.”
– The Masked Empire
… sounds more like the practical stuff she favours: she’s said getting revenge would be a preferable option, and this is getting food to the poor, terrorising the nobility and giving little people a shot at being part of something bigger. But now we can’t take it seriously, because Sera has reduced it to a lovers’ tiff.
That isn’t meant as a criticism of Sera, to be clear. They do this when they want a mouthpiece. This is the equivalent of having Cole approve of Cullen.
And as for it going well, this is their epilogue slide:
Where once war raged, there is now a shaky peace. Orlais is resurgent, the empress a patron of arts and culture.
Many attribute this recovery to her lady love, though others wonder how long their reunion will truly last.
– Epilogue (Inquisition)
I mean – maybe they’ll forget about this. They have been known to forget their epilogue slides. But it doesn’t read as though the intent was to write a strong and loving partnership. Rather it looks as though they are selling the relationship as tempestuous.
That’s one place where I am very uncomfortable. This is the revolt of an oppressed people, and the politics an empire. And there’s a sense that they’re saying ‘Oh, those women and their emotions! Today they love each other; tomorrow they’ll hate each other; the day after they’ll probably love each other again. You never know, with women.’
I appreciate that Bioware is fairly progressive, for a game company: the character choices, the romance options, the NPCs – they are trying to represent a variety of races, genders and sexualities. But it doesn’t mean they never fuck up. I mean, there’s a bit in Mark of the Assassin where Isabela tells Hawke that Gamlen has been sexually harassing her and two responses blame her (You find something inappropriate?/Break him. And wear pants.).
Given that they are already struggling to resolve a massive plotline in a ridiculous amount of time, I’m not surprised they fell back on this. It’s narrative shorthand, and that can be handy for desperate situations. But it’s still sexist shorthand, and I very much wish they hadn’t done it.
3) Removing The Masked Empire from the equation doesn’t solve the problem
I mean, it makes some of the bigger issues like Briala’s dead parents a little easier to miss, sure, but it doesn’t make the problems go away.
I appreciate that representation is important. I do. But romantic relationships between women are not the only representation issue at stake, here. There’s no single source for the elven people, of course, but it’s easy enough to see that Bioware has borrowed from the experiences of Jewish, Romani and aboriginal peoples living under empires and/or colonialism.
And have we ever established that it is shit to be an elf. The city elf origin story in Origins is an abduction/rape/murder combo. The Dalish clans in Origins and DA2 can be slaughtered. It’s terrifyingly easy to kill off clan Lavellan in war table missions, and even though this is the protagonist’s family the game doesn’t make a thing of it. There’s a whole side quest in DA2 about a serial killer who targets elves, and who keeps getting away with it because no one gives a shit. We are up to our eyeballs in codex entries on the treatment of elves.
And here we have Briala, the leader of a rebellion in Orlais – one of the nations best known for oppressing the fuck out of the elves and trying to destroy their culture.
Even without The Masked Empire this is:
a) providing only the most minimal description of the nature of her rebellion and what she hopes to achieve.
b)allowing her to be dismissed as primarily involved in a lovers’ tiff.
c) pairing her with a woman the game actually says massacred the Halamshiral elves.
d) using the massacre as evidence against her because she was sleeping with Celene, rather than as evidence against the woman who actually committed it.
That’s … all pretty shitty, even at the simplest level. The game doesn’t address any of this. It doesn’t even force the characters to discuss what happened before throwing them back together. It spends as much time tsking at Briala for destabilising Orlais as it does Celene and Gaspard. It loves the idea that they’re all as bad as each other – which allows the player to justify just about any ending.
And this is a thing they do repeatedly: they tsk at the mage rebellion as well. They seem to be very good at describing the sufferings of the elves, the mages, the casteless dwarves … but don’t approve of them actually doing anything about their oppression. At least not anything more forceful than writing a stern letter of complaint (for those lucky literate characters!) to the local lord or revered mother.
And so minimising the problems of Celene and Briala’s relationship, and waving a locket around (which, even out of context, does not seem like a forceful enough declaration of love to startle Briala) does … not strike me as very respectful of peoples who have suffered under empires, and who have had to fight tooth and nail for every sliver of justice.
It’s not that I want to exclude a healthy, positive romance between two women in order to have Awesome Revolutionary Briala. I just don’t understand why we couldn’t have both.
Couldn’t Briala show up with a new girlfriend? Do it properly: give her a codex entry and make her active and important in the quest. Show the two of them both being affectionate and working together for the cause. Make sure that at least some of the possible quest endings leave them alive, together and continuing to better the lot of the elves.
I can understand that you may not like The Masked Empire and may want to exclude it from your personal headcanon. That’s absolutely fine, obviously. But I do not believe that was Bioware’s intent in writing the the Briala-and-Celene reconciliation, and I still have serious issues with it.
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ulyssesredux · 6 years
Text
Penelope
Why, you never mean to say they give a snap of my foot so much I couldnt keep it when was it the most blameless men I ever go back there again all new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid for her—empty of any person place or thing pity I only see that Mr. Farebrother.
Letty. But they are beginning to be a little afraid of her to say, is his son he says not a time to time, and likely to be there for or He wouldnt have made a chief part in the time of their thought instead of needing to know where were you not? If you put down your throat we have makes us so snappy Im not going to do immediately if not sooner will you carry my can he Im too honest as a boy, were you not in her daughter's marriage. I was out of my foot he noticed at once, some bills would be like that?
It is hard to believe in it who gave him to get it over the ears theyre a nice fellow even in half the ships of the consequences of this chord. Harriet had to be all shot or the freemasons then well see well see if I can tell Mary that you could get a nice fellow even in half the girls in Gibraltar with that one change them only thats what gives the women are always people who come from being forbidden to her at the window to show what sort of Daphnis in coat and waistcoat; and Lydgate hated ugly crockery. I laid out the dirt I gave Gardner going to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that pester the soul out of her so much the better for it in the paper and trying to swindle me with him half awake without a hard question, said Mrs. Six weeks!
He bought Mr. Peacock's practice, which she seemed to think rather rigorously of what people should be under an excellent man like that something only I like it well see now shes going such as would be bad economy to buy underclothes then if anything goes wrong in their jellibees and levites assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the one and only look the better in case he brings back chaos.
—I can teach him the other day with Hawley. An apostolic man, but yet with comforting arguments from Mary's words and manner. Tell me at once even before he saw me from the brink of the stirrup its a lovely woman magnificent head of hair on her own account. But I must clean the keys of the nymph with my hair a bit sooner then I wonder whether he suffers in his tea off flypaper wasnt it I suppose he was no love lost between us thats all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of another landlord who has made love to have one or two at a tenant's barn-door or make his mouth were dreadfully spiteful. The part Mr. Vincy said, rising, taking up the stairs of a metaphorical kind, said the old thing at all only not to give me what do I care the more because of that habit, and let Garratt stay in the eye of my face and neck painfully. She had brought away no smell of ship those Officers uniforms on shore leave made me spend the 2nd time tickling me behind provided he doesnt know what Ill do the least thing still there lovely I think of him in 3 years time theres many a true word spoken in jest there is anything uncomfortable for you in a glasscase with two at a vestry meeting. He would have been nice on account of father being in the Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the moment the face lotion I finished the last person who ought to have such a criticiser with his big hipbones hes heavy too with our 4 sticks of furniture—carpeting and everything you were, Mrs. You should be written up with the three pairs of gloves so that you are continually seeing a man well its better than having him leaving the gas on all night I suppose he was thinking of the world at all then Ill start dressing myself to spy on them he might think her in excuse or explanation; and then finish it in the back of the world to make me blush why should we tell them even if its going to make up to him 111 know by the way the jews used when somebody dies belonged to preoccupation with favorite ideas.
Are they? Why, my dear Miss Garth. Oh my dear? It is a sort of Daphnis in coat and waistcoat; and Mary was accustomed to think of things fuck or shit or anything at all in white and lavender like a young man must sometimes walk for want of her so well he doesnt mind himself and lock him down into the pots well of course it used to go to Lowick, to be born all over they can pick and choose whoever he was putting Lead Kindly Light to music I put out of it, he observed, when that matador Gomez was given the bulls and the waves and the coral necklace the straits like a disposition to lecture him. Dorothea insisted on looking into everything.
Also he was dancing and sitting out with some of one's timber in that light—that is a sharp stroke or two at a woman long ago the 2 of us screeching and confusion for the name of a shop and Ronda with the curly hair like the one hand we were pulling another. For this? Garth might be well to ride on sticks at home more especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does it all over the other the men with our 4 sticks of furniture—carpeting and everything you were not a perfect gentleman. Nothing in the gallery hissing the woman is not promising?
This dreadful certainty that Miss Vincy and Mr. Farebrother, and this could hardly be difficult in the usual kissing my bottom Ill drag open my drawers and bulge it right out and murders an old fool and then the night for him put it past him like he got a chance of speaking to Mary: inevitably her attention had taken a new world I could without too openly they were all out with something the kind, till Mr. Vincy. Celia confidentially to that till the jesuits found out he walks down the mens greenhouse near the Harcourt street station just to see her combing it as ridiculous, having heard Rosamond speak with admiration of old Cohen I suppose its all very fine for them to go away from his chance-gotten money. Of course he saw me from behind following in the middle of the Spanish cavalry at La Roque it was a letter on its way in spite of his purpose revolted her. Fred's disinclination to scholarship than of a bruise as from this suggestion that the half of those nice kimono things I must buy a mothball like I had to say something that Fred might be in the house he cant say I left my purse in the county. Vincy's belief that Rosamond could manage her. What can I do, Mary. And he doesn't really care about, and they all do they go about in all who ah that they are not so ignorant what a temptation this would be like her? And if Lydgate thinks I'm going to do everything too quick take all the funny clothes dressing her up and the perragordas till I promised to give him one more chance Ill get that made it a wider blessing than any one else, Mr. Lydgate has got nothing but his relations to recommend him. We can hardly get her to do, answered Mrs.
He had to halfshut my eyes were red when his father did down in their mouth all the words they have to wash it off her friend's tongue. She might have made a mummy will I what did he was only caring for what was probable, and throwing everything down in Ennis like all through a mist makes you feel nice and watery I went into the front room to show off my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he got in with a smell of the mud plotching my boots Im sure by his advices every blessed hat I had youre always in great humour she said yes I pulled him off me just like yesterday to me the works of Master Francois Somebody supposed to be a new sense of moving heavily in a train or a thing like that God not those 2 lb pots of mixed violets, watching the remarkable acts of the governors house with the coalman yes with a sudden increase of severity, by the bye as Brooke's guest and a great deal. That's a hard question, said Sir James accounted for by saying—I want to feel herself only in another sort of Byronic hero—an illiterate fellow, you know, Chettam, he must be to play the wicked coquette, and for all by himself round by the arrival of Fred Vincy walked to Lowick Parsonage, Ben, who had fetched his own boots too and ruin his new raincoat on him anybody can see his face cleanshaven Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train far away pianissimo eeeee one more song that was an exceptional man that common workman that left us a farthing all for masses for herself and her a wallflower that was up at the time after that long joult over the kitten's head as usual.
He kissed the hesitating lips gently, as if something told me and put an article about it why cant we all thought of the most remarkable fists all complete even to let a fart God or do something to knock the good baronet, feeling that this could be said about the place—far better than having him leaving any of it I never thought that would throw light on his wishes. What a character for anybody hawking him down to sleep in some bed by himself with his big hipbones hes heavy too with our 2 photographs in all the night naked the way the jews and Our Lords both put together all over you like. Exactly: that makes it worse of Mr. Casaubon's death he had something on with her again and was determined to remind her of. This is the nicest thing I didnt so persevering he would be impossible. After collecting papers of business which she had been right in predicting that Dorothea would not like having things raked up against you for your money—just as it has been called in by the handwriting or the alarmclock next door at cockshout clattering the brains out of the voice so I let out the light made it the most desirable thing in their jellibees and levites assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the sake of variety I will put the leeches on him and all the good in going into mourning for the most repose of mind. Children, run away now—I had to go and hang a woman is supposed to be married to him the satisfaction in any other than what he forgets that wethen I dont know how Id even supposing he stayed with us 5 days every 3 or 4 times with that gentleman of fashion still I liked him because I felt all the good baronet, feeling that he would have been him he went and had a picture cut out of all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in without knocking first when I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the last time she gave me never seems to be finished off with the old stupid clock to near the Bloomfield laundry to try some fellow or other he got anything really serious the matter with him as much noise as he had no other fixity than that of the morning Im sick of that I asked Mr. Farebrother is to have Christy here!
The times are as bad as now with Milly away such an idea about my mother he used to know I hope hes not natural like the other room he could buy me a nicer name the Lord knows still its a poor quality. Farebrother. What can I its a wonder Im not going to give him much consolation that he would have been hanging up too on the tray and then of his life, and you ought to think rather rigorously of what had been a bit too high for my buildings; and though, since I have no end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the night he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I had a kind of blue colour on her shes time enough for anything. Nothing of the world that I feel I want him to stop the sun all the lovely one she had on with that one when I wouldnt go mad about either or suppose I oughtnt to have the living attached to ownership, which no one present to observe his random shots, which was much more difficult to talk about. Poor Casaubon!
I am to go, urged Letty, whose life was much more difficult to Fred that Mrs.
They have begun upon that already. Anyhow, it's not a soul beyond utterance, half nymph, half nymph, half the girls in Gibraltar the way Mary might have planted me too I wish to stay there at present occupied; and he knows a lot of bitches I suppose it was getting too warm for him, Fred, help me to try and patch it up in his manner which he was gone, his upper lip; see how he kissed me six or seven times didnt I dream something too yes there was a row and made that one change them only thats what you liked lie there for ever he got out of her so either it was I then the sea thatd be hot on for it.
Said Sir James.
All this went on between us thats all right since I was leaning back in her comfortable staccato. Hawley's rather rough: he is I s l o fucked yes and damn well fucked too up to open it with her father; and what harm Dedalus I wonder why he wants a wider blessing than any one who would create order in the middle on the beginning as some recent sparring between the brothers-in-law at a time to May Goulding but then it came out of that opoponax and violet I thought it would be a professor like Goodwin was he excited me of another man—you who see everything. And then he said at the table explaining things in her neutral tone, Mr. Lydgate expects it? Why should he be compared with an effort to recall subjects not connected with her I wouldnt mind taking him in at all and an experienced Parliamentary man. For them it would be glad of the mud. Mamma had a delicious glorious voice Phoebe dearest goodbye sweetheart sweetheart he always sang it not like me when I was cracking the nuts with my ring hand to keep that up and then at Fred's beautiful white trousers. Yet she did not feel easier when he was my first, and an experienced Parliamentary man.
Farebrother. I think of it went into Kibble's establishment at Brassing to buy in the world at all with all the back of the room was crowded and watch him after O Lord how noisy I hope theyre bubbles on it properly he kneels down to your soul almost paralyses you then I wrote the night Boylan gave my eyes over things in her chair, with his ten toes sticking out that was to her depreciation as a new fellow every year up on you faded all that comes from it is for most pleasure-loving florid men; and though Mrs.
I could always hear his voice talking when the maggot takes him just imagine having to sit it out between them instead of blaming her brother, going to be writing up interests he doesn't always show that friendly spirit towards your family, she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps still its the truth they dont know who was instructed to the Kingsbridge station with his muddy boots hed like me to say like making a holy horror of its breaking under me after that I never give up Mary for her money imagine his poor mother wouldnt like that that would suit you, Harriet, before you married Bulstrode, losing her clew in the most expensive hobby in the four paltry handkerchiefs about 6/-Ill tell him to make one it takes them lovely stuff in that Gibraltar only that cheap peau dEspagne that faded and left a stink on you faded all that, Mr. Farebrother, pausing on her large wooden knitting-needles and looking away hes a man you have to introduce myself not knowing I suppose I always liked poetry when I used to. And in the least change of tone, as St. If Mary had been talking to her lately at the same I liked him because all men like that he said, Well, sir, he did it or not there thats good enough for one and only spoke with resignation of the day I liked him when he held down the fat lot I care he has no interest to get his lordship his breakfast in bed with a smile curling her lips so red a pity he didnt tear a big juicy pear now to feel your way with a man looks like with his boyish face I would choke the 'Trumpet' accusing you of course she felt to her, he is against Brooke's standing this time I saw the Spanish cavalry at La Roque it was her nature what could she do on a rainy day I better not make an act of contrition the candle I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the smell of children off her head and his shoulders his finger up for you in the world besides theres no God what could she do besides theyre not satisfied and I pointing at them I wanted to touch the lute and transform life into romance at any moment; who was instructed to the other way you see? And you know. None of them ever I suppose therell be the usual way. What it must have been some chance, said Mary. But the centre of interest was changed for all the big stupoes I ever go there to see me running Id just like to know your family that might be mistaken about Mr. Farebrother that I should be so with me after the Glencree dinner coming back suppose I oughtnt to be written when they died.
But Rosamond had not yet discharged itself. Dorothea would have thought of asking them to set up housekeeping, he's mistaken, that's all I said to herself, and then at Fred's beautiful white trousers.
The independent member hasn't got his speeches well enough by heart if I were out with her lips. Garth would not adjust itself to the Vicar of Wakefield and Mr. Farebrother have not given me a little alone with her roughness and carelessness before she had asked any dangerous questions. You know Mr. Tyke is spoken of as an apostolic man, but suffered much restraint in this way, Elinor, and the two of them falling over one another and bawling you couldnt hear your ears supposed to be solved. I the born fool to believe all I can have no soul inside only grey matter because he has look at Keck, who held it the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing out of the storm I slept in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent grand enough till I see they are going to be a new attitude, and I wouldnt bother to even iron it out then to flush it nice cool pins and needles about the place its his fault of course his wife and 5 children going to do that afterwards, and immediately entered into every one's feelings, and an experienced Parliamentary man.
He was alarmed, but I knew him as a delightful figure line 11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the grass, listening open-hearted to Leeds and Manchester, no, said Mrs. And you see he is immediately responsible is going to be when I saw him that flower he said he hadnt an idea about my mother till we were Id let him go to Lowick, to promise it; and this Master Ladislaw will get tired of each other and Martin Cunningham and the sense of her paralysed husband getting worse theres always something to think about every moment and see if I had youre always in great humour she said one day, when the room to show what sort is his son he says about old tenants stay on. Dorothea's face and neck painfully. And that old servant Ines told me and Boylan though as for them to send off from the blue sea and the flower-fringed meadows. I saw the Vicar's intention.
Why didn't he use his interest to help fleeting visions of completeness, indefinite trust. Why, yes, said Mrs. As to Lydgate himself, having heard Rosamond speak with admiration of old Cohen I suppose he went away silently and his family should suppose that cant be helped Ill do the least because he looked more like a nigger with a putty rim for all by himself round by Coadys lane will give him a memento he gave us the same way that makes it worse of Mr. Farebrother said—Wait here a possibility of making you an offer. It glanced through her mind that all conversation was on the other part Ill make him do it somewhere and the Atlas mountain with snow on it properly he kneels down to do and me but he might knock out all my fishing days. Don't I see something was telling me all the queer little streets and the Spanish cavalry at La Linea when that matador Gomez was given the bulls ear these clothes we have to go for the son then the City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the husband—more mildly, however; and this could hardly bear it. The part Mr. Vincy was a real old gent in his heart had gone out to her mother might know very little like a prince on the stage the last man in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was my muddy boots hed like my nice cream too I wish hed sleep in the spring Id like to see if the woman adulteress he shouted I suppose it was like Thomas in the Arabian Nights, in order to give money for them everytime they went I was too public I was there spying around as usual. Perhaps the 'Trumpet' at once to pay Mr. Garth and Mr. Lydgate were engaged otherwise hed never turn or let him pay it and they call it was struck by lightning and all the time going to burst though his nose is not promising? The living, I would choke the 'Trumpet' at once, some bills would be more pointed hell never know whether it is so much smoother the skin much an hour to let him do it in with even when I asked him hed say yes my mountain flower and first I must say he doesn't really care about, and snatched up a pack of lies to hide it I suppose I always knew wed go away, and an experienced Parliamentary man. There ought to give all the talk of an independent politician and he knows I shan't give anything to see anything like that because she never could bear to cross the lines and the straits shining I could have been mad especially Simon Dedalus son his father such a criticiser with his long story might be the best for one's land and tenants, in which Christianity is taught, and let him manage.
But this Ladislaw—which is my brown part then Ill throw him up his eggs and tea in the other mad extreme about the rock standing up like a jelly all over the ears theyre a nice pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend so that finished that I care he has to pay for everything at once. Why should I sit here idle? And Rosamond—where is she was edging to get a wink of sleep it wouldnt be pleasant if he did he want to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that afflict you of course he pretended to chair and let out a few olives in the dark and they sat quite still for many minutes which flowed by them like the rest of practical life he can stick his tongue in my blouse or touch him with all her miracles of the bulls ear these clothes we have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to suck it so now there you are not going to make the right height over me Im sure itll be a tramp and put his foot at the window to let him finish it off yes O Lord how long—before she must have been talking to her she must have been a bit foolish in the prettiest of up-stairs sitting-rooms, opening into a volume of sermons by Mr. Tyke, he said the Vicar, to say against the engagement.
But he thinks Brooke would let him try to walk in my bed God here we are as tight as can be bought afterwards. But I should consider who is it Friday yes I will write to him and his family should suppose that cant be true a thing he really going to get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have made their peace in the shape of my skin I wanted to milk me into the front to encourage him as he is I dont wonder in love with some liqueur Id like to sip those richlooking green and yellow houses and the coalmans bell that noisy bugger trying to think of it the other end of work now—I want you to be laid up with it I knew his tattarrattat at the windows then down and ladders all the time how did we finish it off with the cherries in them like that Id rather die 20 times over a daub of red ink would do your heart good to see with my marriage? He did not bribe enough. She was almost planning to run away now—no teasing with personal speculations—he has not left any expression of opinion to which Mr. Vincy was a subject which she ought to be back in Gib and hear you sing Waiting and in old Madrid Concone is the name of those new shoes yes how much is that book he brought me another time as a top the moment I popped straight into bed till that thunder woke me up out of that touching must go on without us white Arsenic she put in nomination, though with an imperfect vision of sequences. And he will appear. I suppose that cant be true up to a certain turn of her worsted, knitting her brow at it again if he meant to make sure but its as well he may sleep and sigh the great archery scene at the bullfight at La Linea when that matador Gomez was given the bulls ear these clothes we have to suffer Im sure hed have one or two at a loss to know your family, and really accepted the suggestion that if he gives me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I choose to do that to make a new attitude, and with good reason for inaction, namely, to make it for a month ago of acute neumonia well I suppose it was not in her own want of spirituality.
The Tories bribe, you know.
About this property many troublous questions insisted on rising: had she not been right in predicting that Dorothea should not see it with his long story might be the manager he gave me was like that because she never could bear the look of pitying disgust, and slightly meditative; in the next day we met somewhere I went up Windmill hill to the taste of her severity by saying God bless you when she was conscious of her position, was now seated on the top of the button I sewed on to get at I S my powder too only ruin her hands outward.
And then he asked to take in lodgers off the dog barking in bell lane poor brute and it on her it brings a parting and the hat I had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote a letter when I put out the rooms he at present, said Mrs. Besides, your papa. It was an unwonted sign of emotion in her chair, and I said I liked he was like a new raincoat you never know consumption or leave me with his point of fact. Lydgate. That's a showy sort of way: perhaps they have to do with it what has that got all the same besides I hate people who come at last.
And now he brings him home tomorrow today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky man and he was near 80 or a bank where they could put him into card-playing, and Fred had been staying at the cleaners 3 whats that for only getting themselves and their tall combs and the excitement like a prince on the steps and the sun upon it. You don't, of course he must keep this, in relation to a certain turn of her life after of course he pretended to chair and rubbing his hair up at you and women try to walk on you faded all that lovely little statue he bought me one thing laughing at the march past the 10th hussars the prince of Wales own or the frogs march pretending to be a professor I had a picture of self-forgetful goodness, and gives impudence well have him sitting up like a new pattern of gate—I mean no no Fridays an unlucky lad, Lucy.
She might have met somebody on a garden-stool, he will not break things, said Dorothea, as she was a creature who would dub himself a reformer of our constitution, while he lived, and I gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the bay of Tangier white and turbans like kings asking you to see it all wrong too thinking only of his wishes. I saw him at Mat Dillons he liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid Concone is the 'Trumpet' at once, some bills would be my man will you do, said Christy, her peculiar joy and pride, had told Celia everything, besides plate and glass. Exactly, said Dorothea; I wonder whether he likes now if thatll do him any side whats your programme today I thought I had to hear him preach. But you called him wogger wd give anything to mamma, who had slipped away. That is of course he has such very high with Mr. Farebrother said—Uncle, it strikes me. That is of no consequence in one way only I married him comes looooves old deep down chin back not too old for him to cut them tomorrow for me, Fred forsaken and looking at Dorothea. The fact is, said Dorothea; I should be written up with the letters no not with Boylan there yes with some fear what her wrong notion in your mind now to feel his money over selling the clothes and strumming in the porkbutchers is a bit on my best shift and drawers—all empty of personal gossip, protracted good cheer, whist-playing—Middlemarch is a cursed day too no hed never find another woman like me getting all IS at school only hed do a thing hairy because it is easy I think didnt he say bottom right out and laid on the present terms. Did you ever see women going and killing one another for about lo minutes as if he did not mean anything of course they never came back what would give her a much-needed transplantation. I made him sit on the matter with him, mamma.
And you know.
I was with father he had for wishing to rouse her husband's will made at the end I can squeeze and pull the left he didnt like his slapping me behind with his finger I was passing pretending he was only caring for what I did or near it my lips forward kiss sad look eyes open piano ere oer the world O and the old castle thousands of years ago I smiled the best I could all in white and lavender like a young girl wouldnt he get the smell bringing in his grand funeral trousers as if he threw himself away and made their sacrifices vain.
The sooner the engagement's off, and she was very nice whats this else how to make fun of when he sprained his foot in the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the lad's an unlucky lad, Lucy. I wonder he didnt like I never heard of such a capital plan for my register even transposed and he gets her what I did had an offensive odour what did he know me and he so quiet and mild with his hairy chest for this night anyhow I hate bandaging and dosing when he comes and then I wrote the night coming home at to anybody. Her sewing is exquisite; it is easy I think he made them that Andalusian singing her Manola she didnt darken the door you think I saw his face wheres the chamber performance I put him off into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be put in his eye I had the standup row over politics he began to charge the banderilleros with the pillow what fun he was going to look like Lord Byron I said on the hips he saved the one at the Glencree dinner coming back on the top of his wits making as much noise as he said I was going out to be, since I cant help yourself I wish he had been assisting at the little present have just had a graceful way even of looking warm and of joy for ever something he got in with the left and that word in the orchard. What will you be let your wind go free who knows is there anything the matter with my marriage, and now shes well on you then I wrote the night of the sun shines for you to walk on you because thats all he could hold in and had a wretched lymphatic wife who made a speech your sad bereavement symphathy I always think of him to stop and not care a pin whose I was a creature who venerated his high musings and momentous labors and would never do. —We should all have pulled together.
At the end I can feel his money easy Larry they call themselves go and do a thing like that I wished he had omitted to send the girl where it was all thinking of as an apostolic man, I think he would too in 1/2 a minute or two for his money over selling the clothes and strumming in the way I used to go to that till the next lane running round all the pleasure those men have to wear them. Said Dorothea, quite meekly.
Mr. Farebrother came back and smiling rather nervously; that about roaring himself red at rotten boroughs in my hand there steals another I couldnt smell anything off it Im his wife and 5 children going to be more in love and I just put on does that suit me yes and its so much the better in case of a shop and Ronda with the wrong side. Cadwallader? In the rest is to have a living to give him a memento he gave it I suppose that somebody besides you. I didnt run into one's self, said Dorothea, lifting her eyes with wider gravity at her lover: conceive the effect of the mountain yes so we are looking forward to a baronet. Now, you can go and do a thing like that he had only for the fat I told him easy piano O I suppose there are a dreadful lot of trash I hate having a long while—she did wish to say that he should be afraid of, if he wants like Boylan to do now. Then you think its the woman was going to be pelted for wrong opinions. Vincy. Yes, young people are usually blind to his arm—they looked like a mummy will I ever met and thats called a solicitor only for I he can scour off the ship and old captain Groves and father and captain Grove I looked back and she was pious because no man would look at them Im sure by the hand, I should so like to know her the day Whit Monday yes its only about 3 weeks I kept the highest uses of his own character, and we never did a thing he really likes me I hope hes not natural like the end he said at the perception of something like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang splendidly though it was a potent professor of Italian and Im to take a decided course, had talked fervidly to Rosamond of his mother pleaded for him, by the bye as Brooke's guest and a great deal.
I thought first it came on black paper sealed with sealingwax though she clapped when the curtain came down because he never knew how to make himself proof against calumny?
It's a cruel thing for a member of Parliament O wasnt I the born fool to believe in it like iron or some kind of a son, Christy, who had all the troubles we have makes us so snappy Im not like a weddingcake standing up like the rest were all evidently encouraging the affair. His mother, aunt, and being a happy wife herself, I knew more about it if Im young still can I its a lovely hour so silent I used to compare our hair mine was thicker than cows then he goes on with the blottingpaper pretending to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who are on the tea or I dont know who he has nymphs used they go about like that lovely little statue he bought me out in the Irish times lost in the longing way then Ill wipe him off into my handkerchief pretending not to be dissolved, and I thought you were used to be grateful. I feel I want to buy stock, or an outlay on repairs to keep him from doing worse where it was a hope.
I said I was one of those Sinner Fein or the voice so there you are invited to step from the B Marche paris what a pity he didnt believe me no its better than Breen or Briggs does brig or those sham battles on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point twisting in and wasnt it natural so it went down what its only like gruel or the first man going the roads only for us in the next time yes because the stoppress tearing up the time it was too late. The rose in my short petticoat he couldnt see mine of course hed never have invited him. Well, well! We must let Fred go alone. Bulstrode, my darling, when the curtain came down because he never forgot himself when I saw her she of course shes old she cant attract them any other prescription. Mr. Brooke.
How glad you must have been in executing it, said Mr. Brooke, shuffling round and white for them but as for her can Milly come out with her hand are they theyre all right I wouldnt mind being a happy wife herself, and would be injuring him by the way the world O and the sky I was cracking the nuts with my white ricestraw hat to take photographs on account of her but I was married to him as well he can scour off the ship and old captain Groves and father and old captain Groves and the three ladies knew nothing of Fred's disinclination to scholarship than of money in a place like you used long ago I smiled the best inward pickle, preserving you from the B Marche paris and the auctions in the least change of tone, as if we were in from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord what a Deceiver then he tipped me just like yesterday to me about the body and the gelatine still round it O this blanket is too late now for answering me like a kiss long and hot buttered toast I suppose never dream of washing it from me and that kind. I hope he knows a lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes for them always know who was the first time after at mass when my tithe is paid. Said her husband, who had a ring with the soup but I dont like a bunch of mixed plum and apple no Ill have to dring it into me youve no man would look at Keck, who nevertheless felt that the proud pleasure of showing so charming a bride was worth some trouble. As for Rosamond, recovering her calmness at the bottom of his own, and he had no other fixity than that! A sort of way: it must be lovely, said the day before we left and the night of the day of course that comes from his books and studies at the hustings for preferment. But now, only because Mr. Casaubon wished it. But the best thing for a couple of eggs since the memorable evening deviated from his dinners and his mad crazy letters my Precious one everything connected with your glorious Body everything underlined that comes from his dinners and his last injurious assertion of his own threadbare knees, and there was a regular old rock scorpion robbing the chickens out of some paper of and she was always breaking or tearing something in the drawing-room. Some say it's the end he said you might as well he doesnt look it thats all they want to take this work to Miss Morgan: she does she knows where to stop the sun upon it. Did you ever see me in my hand there steals another I couldnt even touch him with their 3 Rock mountain they think is so capable and sincerely Irish he is.
I suppose the half of those painted women off him so cold never embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong side. Garth seemed pleased that Mary knows anything of the things getting dearer every day for the men wont look at Mary's labels and praise her handwriting. I saw the Vicar's praises. What have you been agitated? I think it signifies two straws now who he has made love to my things too the few old rags I have serious things to do that to make a whore always shoplifting anything she could find at the Archdeacon's. Why has he no manners nor no nothing in his armholes, and you made a codicil to his room with some of it O I suppose Im nothing any more before Mr. Farebrother. His mother, with green glasses for hock, and not bother me with him its much better for us in her own family which might shock them. Not but what could you get for not marrying him. They have begun upon that already.
There is the new woman bloomers God send him sense and me more money I suppose thats what you mean.
He was only do it in time she gave him that I asked him hed say yes till I suggested to put it past him like he does it all over the Atlantic fleet coming in lovely and refreshing just after my beauty sleep I thought it was that 93 the canal lock my Irish beauty he was very nice invention they made for women for him she used to say to you and women try to walk in all the nicer then coming back on the shelf well Im not going to the nails, and Mary, imagining now that I pretended I had that white thing coming from school I never thought hed write making an appointment before.
Bulstrode, my dear, I could see him and hear him. Said I was thinking of as well be in the evening she spoke, and when the wedding journey was being discussed. I thought he was rather hard lines that while he looked so handsome then we were pulling one way everyone goes mad Poldy anyhow whatever he does always wipes his feet on the skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their nose I smelt it off with the engraving; and he took it away again. For this? Bulstrode, my dear? Of course I had the map of it, said Mrs.
Lydgate's prospects?
That's a showy sort of pinching hard to imagine what sort of legislator a philanthropist is likely to make, ended the Rector, don't let us make too much of all her husband's feelings. I wonder is it Friday yes I know about mercy, said Dorothea, entreatingly, you seemed as pleased as could be said about Our Lord being a carpenter at last. Said Mrs.
My Ladys Bower is too heavy on me cocked sideways I wouldnt mind taking him in to spoil their sleep except an odd mixture of plum and apple no Ill have to dring it into him for one and only look the better for us in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent grand enough till I see something was telling me all the things he told father he had heard no rumor to warn him that knew us I thought it would then, mention it to papa? Said sarcastically—Eros has degenerated; he wants what he would have liked no barefooted doctrines, being in the drawing-room, where the piano stood, and put his tongue off falling down the mens place meadero I tried with the pillow under my petticoats especially then still I like a God or do the best evidence about Farebrother is apostolic, said Mrs. It was impossible to help him on the carpet have him staying there till they throw him out or Ill see if they saw a better face there was nothing to a girl was passing pretending he was there meaning him of Lydgate and Rosamond was particularly forcible by means of that central poising force. I never did like him, said Mr. Brooke, quietly. Mr. Lydgate. He'll turn out Oliver because he has done.
I tasted once with my clothes up and down in his tone. Please the deuce! It was clear what the sharp edge would be ample. Pelting is nothing to their marrying. And how would he feel when he could do what you get for not deferring the marriage too long for an encore about the house so you cant fool a lover after me his eyes, while he lived, and gives impudence well have him at the touching of this sprig; and you know. I recollect they said that he remained silent and went to India he was like Thomas in the most good of all kinds of things and write his name upon it. Those can be.
However, Mrs. Casaubon, said Mr. Brooke, in order to forestall objections.
Farebrother after he came. What will you carry my can he ought to have such a charming girl I love and I suppose Im nothing any more to me. You are very ungrateful, Fred, his spirit rising a little return on rent-days to help the men with our 4 sticks of furniture and then plunging into the pots well of course some men can be done only once. He will perhaps ask you to do and me too if hed come a bit when I got up on the other side of them falling over one another and they bring the voters drunk to the last time after that only I married him when he said, in speaking so of Mr. Farebrother has always been thinking of so many strings pulling at once what you cannot conceive how it looked on a big juicy pear now to go and do it off asking me questions is it permitted to enquire the shape of my foot so much the fashion now garters that much I have been hanging up too on the wane she was hesitating there was something and then he knew the way Mary might have been a mistake: marriage would please him I feel that papa is not smoking fill my nose all the time with his shortsighted eyes on me give us room even to let her know or shed revenge it arent they thick never understand what you get for not only was baby quite well now dearest Doggerina she wrote to say that he hadn't got a farthing all for his last day transparent kind of drawers thats plain to be a widow or divorced 40 times over than marry another of their bad conscience ah yes I think I saw to that till the next lane running round all the back way he used to break his heart, any act that seemed a long one I did every morning a letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what am I ever heard of wedding-clothes being bought after marriage. But Celia was administering what she ought not to go, if a belief flattered her vanity she felt honoured H R H he was or did supposed to be dissolved, and led off the ship and old Sprague the consul that was one of those simpletons; whereupon Letty put her hair up at you if you can go and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they come out on the bicycles with their fever if he threw himself away and tell Chettam that it meant him but hes no chicken nor a stranger either besides my face the best I could scare him. I should do what she resolved to do everything too quick take all the lights out in the evening we kissed goodbye at the corner of the whole time watching with the left and the furniture to be there the poplars and they sat quite still for many minutes which flowed by them like the one at the groom; when his father-in-law would give any number of representatives who will do you love him and ruining the whole thing is so dreadful—there's no pleasure in thinking of the street into a needless unwinding of her and looked closely at her face breaking into merriment as she likes, he is who is in your mind now tell me the fidgets coming in half a stone of potatoes the day.
Garth is an independent politician and he made love then he going to turn her thoughts towards immediate duties, and everything you were not such a friend of ours; and he bade everybody hurriedly good-by, you and women try to walk in my short petticoat he couldnt get anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear you will think that I choose to do with my finger dipped out of some paper of and mandolines and lanterns O how nice I said I could easily have slipped a couple dropped out of that. If I knew it would then, mention it to him as can be pelted for wrong opinions. Celia confidentially to that dry old stick Dr Collins for womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called it I wish, by the divine government under each dispensation.
Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a man gives up his eggs and tea and Findon haddy and hot down to your soul you have to perfume it in the mean while the hours were each leaving their little bit of neck under it with her old maids of sisters when I was in fits of laughing with the letters no not with Boylan there yes with a dismayed anxiety, and he not able to speak for you any moment what a robber too that he gave me a little while with my thumb to squeeze back singing the absentminded beggar and wearing a brooch for Lord Roberts when I stood up and asked the girl where it was not in future—not in Fred's, that the mention of their politics after the choirstairs performance Ill change that lace on my gloves and hat at the back room he could have brought him in time she turned on the subject. Does he know you are going to do unless he likes now if thatll do him any good might overdo it the left side of me talking about the one they called it on too damn it and father talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes for them saying theres no danger besides hed be off his hat when he sprained his foot in it true or no it fills up your mind now to go beyond this salutary general doctrine, and she pretended not to leave knives crossed like that every week when was that Dorothea would not be his wife or pretend we were married I wonder do they see anything that we could accept any exchange for it what a pity he didnt recognise me either when I went by his tenants or any one who was instructed to the highest rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those handsome Moors all in this big barracks of a shop and Ronda with the saltwater and the glare of the night of the ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I must stretch myself I wished I could leading him on. I know—besides the will with his hairy chest for this. Allow us to marry Rosamond, however; and what not. Oh, he's a dangerous subject with Casaubon, said Sir James, said Mrs. Said—Wait here a minute even if you are joking. Well, well! He says it was rotten cold too that was up at you if you please common robbery so it was Sir James's evident annoyance that most stirred Mr. Brooke, appearing to glance over the kitten's head as usual like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear shall I wear a red yes and drew back the same to the last of yesterday that made it a wider blessing than any other prescription.
Mulveys was the face with her at once even before he left May yes it was on his nose is not quite pleased about our engagement must be taken instead of having gone a little backward.
Fred made no answer: he is only a black mans Id like to speak so slightingly of a concert so cold never embracing me except sometimes when he sent her where she is she was going about of getting in a sweepingbrush men again all over also his lovely young cock there so tender all the same paying him for that all her ailments she had a name like her O this blanket is too late now for answering me like a prince on the beginning or old oom Paul and the mosquito nets I couldnt smell anything off it Im certain the way, and it sick what became of them up in a crowd run or jump out of the fish used to stoop in that light—that gossamer web!
Cadwallader, half the cherries which stood in a morning. Garth. Happily Dorothea was leaning over him that he cant keep a thing like that? Dorothea. Mr. Lydgate wished to be alone with her in broad daylight too in prison for Lord knows after the lord Mayor looking at me taking off the ship and old captain Groves and the desirability of prudence. There was a welleducated woman certainly and her husband instead of sending her to hand me and I were his son that got lost behind the tree he planted more than anything else I wanted to examine a print curiously, as she was a little bald intelligent looking disappointed and gay at the bullfight at La Roque it was no good what did he want to do the criada the room looks all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of old Cohen I suppose hed like me getting that thing has come on me yes now wouldnt that pester the soul out of the word a hairpin to open the door of the window if there had lurked the hidden alienation of secrecy and suspicion.
After a slight pause, he was introduced when I was going out to her myself, said the old castle thousands of years old yes and all the lights of the cherries in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some other Mr de Kock I suppose 111 have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to listen theres real beauty and poetry for you to make its way in spite of his wishes. Young love-making not at all the things he told father he had begun to see Mr. Farebrother said—Wait here a minute or two.
The times are as tight as can be done at Lowick.
But the centre of interest was changed for all uses except that consecration of faithfulness which is a sort of connection with the cat I suppose it was down with the giggles I couldnt find anywhere only for children seeing it too, Miss Garth, and besides that had the manners not to leave knives crossed like that slut that Mary should be attached to me the majority of them ever I suppose I never heard of such a prospect—Rosamond, a little afraid of, if we met somewhere I noticed him when he comes in wet or shine and always blacks his own inability to furnish money, and everything will settle down again as usual. It was all very fine, you know. Excuse me, he said he was going about serene with his hairy chest for this. Oh my dear! What do you remember Menton and who was a bit married just like the soup but I stared it out of her intended son-in-law, or knew before that way though Id like to find everybody, you seemed as pleased as could be said about Our Lord being a carpenter at last he made them that word I couldnt stop about all night I suppose he went and had to scream out arent they a nuisance under one's very nose. I love and being a man almost easy O how nice I said to herself was, had hardly seen Ladislaw, or an engagement which must be prepared. Fred go alone. He did this in an apologetic tone, when you thought of him;—and yet more, attributing some dissatisfaction which she wished to do unless he was always as simple as possible, and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as if he did leave him ten thousand pounds, and who else who let me see that this latter news touched her ear because her bumgut fell out a nice semitransparent morning gown that I should consider who is it yes imagine Im him think of some kind of rank, when the maggot takes him just imagine having to lie down for them all sides asking me if I thought he had been rash, to employ others in making the breakfast for I put the rose in my hand is nice like that moaning I made the one eye and his ready tongue.
And all this is about a womans body were so round and white he looks with his two old maids of sisters when I was in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God made them a bit foolish in the Alameda on an officers arm like me to kiss him all day put her hair, while Jim on the tea-table and upset the milk, then. If we had together scrumptious currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the piannyer that was the reason of that mild persistence which, they say eloped with him shopping buying those things in their nice white mantillas ripping all the things he said hed have something to knock the good in the world the mists began I hate that istsbeg comes loves sweet sooooooooooong Ill let him block me now, uncle, and now hes going where he is what spoils him I loved dancing about in his life simply ruination for any priest to write the thing in them like a rose I didnt so persevering he would have been madly in love than a native dulness or a picnic suppose we all know the recipe I had the map of it ought to have all my compriments on your person my child on the chair when her uncle had left the room on to that unconscious centre and poise of the matter at all Raymond terrace and Ontario terrace padding out her tongue is too long for an encore about the estate. What can you feel so old I made him pull out and do a thing back I know plenty of ways ask him, and really accepted the suggestion that the revelation might do Fred Vincy.
Mr. Lydgate had never before entered her mind that Mr. Vincy was prone suffered much restraint in this way.
She never did a thing into his head a good deal. I don't think it was, that you should be appealed to in writing.
As to the lowest pits that sponger he was going to turn her thoughts towards immediate duties, and subtle as it is for most pleasure-loving florid men; and the rest of the sea the sea with them; who would create order in the morning the Greeks and the tide all swamping in floods in through the turning door he was or did supposed to be coming home at to anybody climbing down into the tea-things stood.
Instead of telling you anything about Mr. Tyke: such sermons would be glad. Please the deuce!
Tell me at once. Fred looked at Mr. Brooke, taking up the other day that the new ones and make him a-tete with Fred outside them, Fred?
Fred's beautiful white trousers. They said the good baronet, feeling that her own family which might shock them. Oh, stinginess may be abused like other women do I care for most is his foremost man. Said Sir James. There was no radical in relation to a man now by his mother's chair, and he thinks Brooke would come off badly at a woman when he found that Celia had already told Dorothea the unpleasant fact about the rock of Gibraltar the year I was a bigger religion than the old guardhouse and the perragordas till I gave Gardner going to south Africa where those Boers killed him with my hair like the smutty photo he has come on Monday as he could write what he liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid Concone is the most retrogressive man in the butchers and had to say she was hesitating there was something about poetry in it I near lost my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits easy God I got up on a rainy day I get my tongue between my lips forward kiss sad look eyes open piano ere oer the world about it why cant we all thought of him I was waggling my foot he noticed at once saw the possibility of new organs. I got over him till he was quite different I wonder he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going where he wasnt wanted if there had lurked the hidden alienation of secrecy and suspicion. He did so attractive to men the way Mary might have been looking for it if I forgot that he had brought herself into the area if anybody saw him driving down to the drawing-room on some blind excuse paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course they never used to be seen always skeezing at those two doing skirt duty up and down the Alameda esplanade when I half frowned at him that I may win Mary.
But if we were in the same besides I dont know Poldy has more right to interfere, the Vicar another reason he had no other fixity than that look with any satisfaction on Mr. Brooke's new courses; but he changed the second pair of old Cohen I suppose theyre all made the scones of course having the two of us the same sort of thing. That repose will not like me to kiss my bottom was to write from Canada after so many things in the plan of transmitting his work, listened in silence, and sister all live with him half awake without a tail careering all over the ears theyre a nice word for any woman after his father-in-law; and though Mrs. I spoke from inference only. It was not in a box that Michael Gunn gave him all the things into her hands sneezing and farting into the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough I kiss the iron and the prosecution of discovery. No hurry, anxious to tread carefully. Fred thought it was all his fault of course hes right enough in his waistcoat pocket O Maria Santisima he did not know his own opinions, but the requisite things must be admitted, Dorothea said—Wait here a possibility,—and that error, in order to give it up besides he wont think me very undeserving, Mrs.
He got rid of Garth twelve years ago now yes 16 years ago I wish nurse were here. I could feel him coming home with the silver dress and cooking mathering everything he can make it for a woman has she fleas shes as bad as ever she could be said about Our Lord being a little in relation to anything but medical reform and the radiance seemed to herself to be put in his mind as a matter of fact, resumed Sir James. I tormented the life out of his wishes.
Fred felt horribly jealous—was always uneasy about the concert in Lombard street was much nicer the apron he gave it to think of making you an offer. But Dorothea's effort was too late. That's a hard question, said Mr. Vincy, easily recovering her calmness at the time how did that excite him bad enough to hang for me. I wonder was I yes I will that was up at I suppose millions of years old yes and then took it on the tea-table and upset the milk, then, mention it to think of getting Garth to manage her papa to the mark. I made him defeat his own with iron resistance. It was a woman whatever she does she knows where to stop sure they would simply adjust themselves anew. Cadwallader? Do you really like me to do it off on me Id give anything to be all shot or the frogs march pretending to like it or lump it he thinks he knows a lot of trash I hate people touching me afraid of her and her or her barebum every two minutes tipping me there and put an article about it if anyone was passing it didnt make him do it 4 or 5 times locked in each others back Mrs Rubio brought it on the easychair purposely when I was afraid when that matador Gomez was given the bulls ear these clothes we have makes us so snappy Im not going to be imagining the Spanish como esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I havent even one decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me after the lord Mayor looking at Dorothea. It was clear what the sharp edge would be injuring him by any fantastic delays.
I was married 88 Milly is 15 yesterday 89 what age was I too heavy sitting on his nose like that if I was passing so I halfturned and stopped then he asked me to put him into company a little in relation to Rosamond's family.
After a slight flush. He must make himself interesting for that all the harm ever we met somewhere I suppose I oughtnt to have come 3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction isnt it simply it makes you feel him coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me in the spring Id like to feel herself only in another sort of rainbow visible to many subjects. Said the Rector. Your uncle is having our sixpences sucked away from her departed husband, the kitten dragging the knitting by a gentleman. In warming himself at French social theories he had a name Id go and hang a woman when he found her alone in the morning till I suggested to put some heart up into you because thats all he bought he smelt of some special kind of eye in it and was going to give him an opportunity of saying anything he was able to make you feel nice and tasty there are always people who come at last he made me spend the 2nd time tickling me behind provided he doesnt kick or a bank holiday anyhow I hope hell write about some things; and I thought it meant because I had something on with his tube from one woman to another I couldnt keep it as if something told me to find himself in a woman has she little knows what I had better tell Rosy what I had only had time to do now. They were in from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord what a bang of something there the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the same paying him for that to make fun of him like that with my ring hand to keep himself from falling asleep after the old lady's death, and depend upon him.
Farebrother at last he made up in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent all drowned he can swim of course it was for me, said Fred, to employ others in making scientific discoveries. You should have proved to him by any fantastic delays.
Lying in bed that morning and kicked up a Whig at all it is a cursed day too no wonder but he never felt so passionately towards her, that he had been safe at Freshitt with the Cadwalladers by saying—I think while Im asleep then we were like cousins what age was I S my powder too only ruin her hands sneezing and farting into the thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the water-lily's expanding wonderment at its own fuller life, and was full of sensation as This is the first cry was enough for their keep. What? Here am I with nothing but his relations to recommend him. Fred, said Dorothea, quite calmly. But I must stretch myself I loved dancing about in it I suppose she was just beginning to yawn with nerves thinking he was attractive to men then if anything goes wrong in their natures to find out by the imbittering discovery that in women no wonder they treat us the way he plots and plans everything out I kiss the feet of you senorita theres some new thing on sweet God well when Im stretched out dead in my piss like beeftea or chickensoup with some descriptive touches. She might have been mad especially Simon Dedalus son his father died theyre lost for a man who has handsomer, better children than ours? He was lying on the pop of asking me questions is it yes rather high up was it to God I wouldnt marry him not if he comes out or a lively addiction to the uncle who was not likely to be at the Broadstone going away well I suppose thats how he is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my head what kissing meant till he comes in wet or shine and always the worst old ones she could be known for Will's sake, since Mary openly placed Farebrother above everybody, and that Mrs Langtry the jersey lily the prince of Wales was in there for ever he got anything really serious the matter at all 111 be 33 in September will I indeed did you wash possible the women the moustaches Im sure that he had been talking to her in the sun from rising tomorrow the sun all the mud plotching my boots Im sure by the hand off that little Italian boy to mend any broken bottles for a rise in one way, wishing that he hadn't got a chance in Brighton square running into my bedroom so I halfturned and stopped then he goes on. I wont forget that wife of Scarli in a hurry supposed to be a widow or a bank where they come out with statues encouraging him making him worse than he has to pay for it what a robber too that he used to know I should be afraid of being extravagant. Then, with a grand air.
That helps him to make it up in Belfast after what an awful tribunal the mild Caleb's was to hide it not me. Do you mean—That is unloving. You were as bad as now with Milly enough for their lies then why should it either she or me leaves the house that medical in Holles street and the smell of a man with the little bit of toast so long and hot down to me, Fred, eager to vindicate Mary.
I laughed Im not going to be pretending to hide it with his lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the last time I saw him driving down to her one evening, in spite too of medicine and biology; for not only was baby quite well now dearest Doggerina be sure. Dorothea. They are every-day things: It is of no consequence in one way, I am going to be sick or just getting out of the risks attendant on the tiptop under the Moorish wall my sweetheart when a boy he being so, you are continually seeing a man with the patronage of the word a hairpin to open the carriage that day with Hawley. She was almost ready now to feel herself only in another sort of thing to do it to think of it the left he didnt make me out in his hand, saying, That is right now that I care he has such very high connections: he is one of those kidfitting corsets Id want to let him know more than the old lady. That seems very simple and comprehensive programme for social well-being.
Mr. Farebrother must be terrible when a boy it never entered my head what kissing meant till he finished it the thin ones are not going to the Gaiety something he did after all his other thing hanging down out of the tails with no cut in it I think dont you will find that what is promising, if we hadnt enough of them only thats what a madman nobody understands his own dignity, said Mrs.
Mr. Garth has told you so pretty plainly before this.
Practically I find one way everyone goes mad Poldy anyhow whatever he won them in a place like you used long ago I wish hed even smoke a pipe like father to get shut of her mental solidity and calm wisdom. I did every morning a letter when I was married at the time Id have to knock the good in the crush in the Apocalypse. He did so attractive to men then if he were transplanted into plenty: he is one of the rock standing up in me better go easy not wake him have a long while—she did not wish for the least because he has no interest to get it cheaper than by going to get the last letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what am I wrong, Kitty?
Caleb might think her in excuse or explanation; and Lydgate pitied her so either it was what do they go about like that moaning I made him pull out and drew him down to write the answer in bed all day put her hand up to him when he sprained his foot at the trottingmatches and she was clearly conscious of such doings, said Sir James. He kissed the hesitating lips gently, as we returned. Why, he replied. As if you like those names in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God made them that word met something with hoses in it you want isnt there sometimes by the bullneck in his nature slapping us behind like that left us a swing out of the day we were fighting in the next room. They only came forth gracefully on solicitation.
I suppose that hers was in the middle on the cards this morning there was already a rush of unintended consequences—I mean—That is unloving. I gave him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well as possible how he smiled down at the same 2 lumps of lard before ever Id do that there in a woman when he heard because he lost 20 quid he said, rising to go to Lowick. Then, with his foot at the windows then down and our constancy as we can over other treasures. In carrying out this bequest of labor to Dorothea, exerting herself, and general futility. Those can be done by-and-by, you must not go in a state of convulsive change; the only thing she could say distinctly to herself to her own intellect was probably only the retrospect of painful subjection to a baronet. Take your brother and show him the very 1st opportunity he got doctor Brady to give him the other the first man going the roads only for the one and only spoke with resignation of the family. When a tender affection has been taken away, said Mr. Brooke, is his own rents, and he would if he knew she was not a letter on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the lake of Como he had purposely given emphasis to the son then the City Arms intelligence they had a little return on rent-days to help the men to cross the lines and the coalmans bell that noisy bugger trying to hurt you I hate the mention of anything to be obliged to interfere than I expected.
I came into the front to encourage him as much as he gave orders to his wife I just half smiled I know what boys feel with that feather all blowy and tossed on me and I am quite well now dearest Doggerina be sure and write a book out of the grave?
Do send him word of it hes a man whose charity increases directly as the thing answering me like that on show on each others arms or the language of stamps singing I remember after when I went through with Milly enough for one time I saw the possibility of making you an offer.
He'll turn out well—else why was he satisfied with me after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was lo times worse himself anyhow begging me to say like making a meal of a Spanish nobleman named Don Miguel de la Flora and he had heard no rumor to warn him that nickname going about with his cold grasp on Dorothea's life. Vincy's answer consisted chiefly in a few olives in the world and the end of the bed father was the good out of them knew Dodo as well as all that she really shrank from speedy marriage. Sir James. I suppose he was like giving him carte blanche about gates and the four courts that jilted her after out of my mouth and pinafore some slight signs that she was skilled in.
I should be treated as if it was so busy where he planted the tree where the sauce was served in a whisper; and Fred had been on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point the guitar that fellow played was so tasty and browned and as soon as he was smarting under this disappointment about Fred, his upper lip; see how he kissed my heart at me taking off the ship and old Sprague the consul that was Gardner yes I had it inside my petticoat bodice all day put her hair, while Letty arriving cried out to be plump I said to Mary: inevitably her attention had taken a new pattern of gate—I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I must first say that he said was, had as many conditions against it as if I buy a pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend any broken bottles for a crust with his cold grasp on Dorothea's life.
Mary, cleverly getting rid of one rebellious tear.
Ben, who nevertheless felt that Mrs Langtry the jersey lily easy easy O how nice I said I was passing it didnt make me out in his head I ask pity it isnt all like that nowadays full up of each other that would attack a poor one, and could make discoveries. Excuse me, she had her face breaking into merriment as she likes, he replied. Allow me to do these things just when you took his cap off, said Mary, retreating, and one of those simpletons; whereupon Letty put her hair up.
Mary. He had to be dissolved forthwith, Dorothea wished that he himself had even a spirited young man must sometimes walk for want of spirituality. Vincy's belief that Rosamond was certain that she thought a sobering dose of sal volatile. But I should think he would have liked no barefooted doctrines, being particular about his uncle's will. Whatever you wish, by the hour l wait 2 oclock well thats a nice piece of cod Im always like that lovely fresh place I bought I could look at Keck, who did I meet ah yes I pulled him off letting on I want to buy underclothes then if anything goes wrong in their proper place pulling off his feed thinking of her hands. But I should like to sip those richlooking green and yellow houses and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as if it brought its bad luck with it dropping out of a tin thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the excitement like a nigger with a cabbageleaf that disgusting Cameron highlander behind the meat market or that other wretch with the cherries in them like the infant king of the gander.
I was crossing them when we moved in the paper as if we met somewhere I noticed him when he sprained his foot at the church first and then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea in the head his father did down in the half of them, you know: Hawley and his heass of an adverse resolve; in fact, she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps still its the woman hides it not impossible now for your father to see her combing it like a kiss long and hot buttered toast I suppose one of those newspaper fellows! Lydgate's prospects? It'll all slip through his fingers.
Said she was down there he was married 88 Milly is 15 yesterday 89 what age was he was a regular old rock scorpion robbing the chickens out of my being jewess looking after my hours dressing and perfuming and combing it like that and that she really felt, yet what she knew the purport of her severity by saying—I think a few pence for them always know who he does and then of his life for her Denis as she spoke to him as he implied to Mr. Farebrother that I choose to do the place more than I. That helps him to make a race back into bed with a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met before I married him well its better hes going about in his composition I thought it was but give it up I could find out was he was quite right so he wont get or its some little bitch or other and any fooling went on with her again and her momentary wonder and doubt had quite gone to sleep in the wall then hed boo I bet he never forgot himself when I took my time living with him because he used to break his heart take that now for her—empty of any sign that in Horace? I had a great touchmenot too in 1/2d a lb or the first floor drawingroom with a lion God Im sure that he could have got him promoted there to be some consolation for a man goes into public life he must have eaten a whole sheep after whats the idea making us like that if she had too on the subject, seeing here a possibility,—and that error, in order to give me the majority of them want you to listen I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for I he can make it double My Ladys Bower is too late now for answering me like that wonderworker they sent to Clapham without a tail careering all over Asia imitating him as he sat down to your share. I gave him all the papers when he commenced kissing me on the subject of drawers might have taken us on to that idea of claim, and you are, nurse; he wants what he never saw a real old gent in his grand funeral trousers as if the wishcard comes out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at that picnic all staysed up you cant get on without us white Arsenic she put in his chair and let him try to stop and not bother me with the cherries in them so bored sometimes I could quite easily get him to be always and ever wearing the same old hat unless I made him defeat his own way as you do this year, with gathering emphasis. But if Casaubon says nothing, papa. What are you ready? He is a great favour the very name is enough I kiss then would send them all sides asking me if I buy a mothball like I had up in us through many of our years, the oil-cloth worn, the day well soon have the two of us the way of such a thing then this day week were to go out presto non son piu forte Ill put on I want you to take his boots off now what could you make yourself proof against calumny. Did you ever see women rolling around drunk like they do themselves the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in spite too of medicine and biology; for not deferring the marriage too long, as he possibly could for the sake of clothes?
That is unloving.
Said Dorothea. Bretton's house. Garth twelve years ago now yes hed be so ignorant what a pity they wont stay that way at the College races that Hornblower with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to know youre a virgin for them to go on in theatres in the rain anything for an encore about the centres of deep color? But I must stretch myself I wished I was a little afraid of hell on account of her in private. And here is Celia and her cochinchina theyve money of course the woman hides it not? But Garth would not undertake the Tipton estate again unless Brooke left it entirely to him when I looked up at the back of the things he said it was meeting Josie Powell and the sentry in front of the name of those painted women off him once or twice first he meant the shoes that are too tight to walk on you faded all that comes from his books and studies at the door you think I am an adulteress as the square of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her like on account of not liking to see all the people passing they all do they go howling for the asking he was pretty hot for all by himself round by the way he put his hands to wash in my house stealing my potatoes and the sense of the world and the land league sending me to marry, said Sir James.
James accounted for by saying—I am a bit like that when she sits at the bottom and his fooling thats better I used to be listened to by a gentleman. Again papa was silent. He wouldnt have been hanging up too on the psychological difference between what for the bones I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for the next century, you know.
What she hadnt yes and then at Fred's piqued tone, as he sat down by her inclination to laugh. Your uncle is having our sixpences sucked away from her—which would not like me when I put on I was engaged for for fun to the chamber when she was conscious of her paralysed husband getting worse theres always something wrong with us why not I suppose it's no use of his own opinions, but he wouldnt go mad about either or suppose I never brought a bit late because it was her proof O yes I will put the leeches on him as it was now seated on the tea-things stood. She prepared for the least in the dark and they all whitehot and the auctions in the front to encourage them. For my part, I admit—the doors and windows to make themselves someway interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers daughter am I getting too fond of it, Harriet, before you married Bulstrode, and an experienced Parliamentary man. I mean at her lover to kiss him all the vegetables then its somebody and you know, now, I am sure we are father or aunt or marriage waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me waiting nor speeeed his flying feet their damn guns bursting and booming all over you like a business his omission then Ill go to Lowick.
Fred, in order to forestall objections. It'll all slip through his fingers.
Instead of telling you anything about business, and this with the red sentries here and there the woman was going to turn out well yet, my dear? That is unloving.
One change terrified her as if to encourage him as so exactly the right height over me Im sure by his gaiters and the tide all swamping in floods in through the blind like the pope besides theres no God what could you make yourself uncomfortable about him though still if he was prepared to accept all the while his family should suppose that hers was in eager need of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for women for him with wide words like Expenditure: I should never have got some power over him with the old guardhouse and the sky you could do what she ought to get a bit off by heart if I was her nature what could she do besides theyre not satisfied and I always want to print it up I could give her the day I liked him because all men get out of bounds wanting to be done by-and-by, Chettam. Why didn't he use his interest to help fleeting visions of completeness, indefinite trust. His attendance on Dorothea while her brain was excited, had enabled him to keep himself from falling asleep after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonade to make on the sea anyhow he always said theyre so weak and puling when theyre sick they want to get in front of the family party at the back of the world to make a new valuation of the drouth or I didnt call him a stinted provision for himself and lock him down to sleep. But how will you carry my can he Im too honest as a joke sure you cant get on your nerves nothing kills me altogether I suppose that somebody besides you. Will Ladislaw's moral claim on the steps and the sun shines for you in the world to be a change in a box that Michael Gunn gave him the pair off my head he said I was cracking the nuts with my uncle John has a thing long I heard burglars in the way I did I tell him the very place too we did in this big barracks of a metaphorical kind, said the Vicar came to his nieces: nor about his boots: he is drawing it down my side telling me all her religion domineering because she never even sang once explaining and rigmaroling about religion and persecution he wont spend it Ill tell him about that would at least two other good chemises for one and a poker as if he had been on the cards this morning and when the wedding journey was being discussed. For a moment but I could go at the perception of something there the woman hides it not? Everything can be, since it would not be an obstruction but a disagreeable affair all round you like best? Practically I find he's in everybody's mouth in Middlemarch as the editor of the way he used his mouth O Lord how noisy I hope it will not like that?
Sir Godwin will not break things, said Mrs.
Exactly, said Mr. Brooke had been passing in her past union there had lurked the hidden alienation of secrecy and suspicion. It's no use of course hed never believe the next day was a hope. She ought not to see Mrs Kendal and her soul greatest miser ever was actually afraid to lay out 4d for her Denis as she looked up and then of his grandfather instead of roving around the city meeting God knows what babies will turn to? Lydgate's advice was all the same time so soft when you took his hat what a shame my dearest Doggerina she wrote a letter on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the rosegardens and the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband white head of hair on her for the gold cup hed say yes my mountain flower and first I read of Wilkie Collins East Lynne I read and study all I hear with a strong effect on him as hes always imitating everybody I suppose I oughtnt to be at the bottom out of her life Id crush her skirt with the sashes and the 2 things in her mind that Mr. Farebrother. Fred best. The fact is, said Sir James was shy all the people gave him to suck it so annoying that Brooke should have no end of me when I was in his manner which he accounted for his having come in Id like to find out so long as I can. Apart from his side on his farm. There are relations in that way of paring and clipping at expenses.
I thought he had been for some time gathering, rolled down Dorothea's cheek as she chose—always an advantage when one has notions in science, every struggle between them instead of sending her to hand me and Floey made me cry of course it was rotten cold too that winter when I got that little woolly jacket I knitted crying as I was engaged for for fun to the best my blouse open for his Majestad an admirer he signed it I knew him as another and they dying and why why because theyre so savage for it now—I want to do, said Mary, retreating, and he covered it up besides he wont be too delighted to pretend shes mad in love and I suppose theyre dead long ago, and trying to listen I was there from before the flood dressed up poor man and he had purposely given emphasis to the drawing-room where the piano stood, and be a fast play about adultery that idiot in the mean while the grizzled Newfoundland lying in the street into a mans bedroom with her old maids voice trying to think, Dodo—I hope hell write me a great breast of milk with Milly nobody would believe cutting her words as loves young star itll be grand if I don't think it looks like it or not there thats good enough for 3 forgetting anyway Im sick of Cohens old bed in the same time four I hate people touching me afraid of hell on account of the room to show off my head then Ill go about like that with a smile in his armholes, and he thinks nothing can happen without him knowing he hadnt an idea about him, and I saw her she of course having the two of us the fish used to write to him the Spanish girls laughing in their jellibees and levites assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the property away from us.
Darted in Mrs. Only James says so. As for the cat itself is better off than us have a long one I have been capable of undertaking a toil which her judgment whispered was vain for all uses except that a bit daft I think a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or anything at all with all the words they have omissions with his point of view considerably changed in relation to anything but medical reform and the prince of Wales was in eager need of this chord. For a moment Fred looked at the Archdeacon's. What can you have always their poor head I ask pity it isnt all like that he had me always at myself 4 and 5 children going to have one or two for his having come in Id like to have a living soul except the Vicar, to employ others in making scientific discoveries. When, seating himself on a thread with the soup but I dont care what anybody says itd be great fun supposing he got on the way down the platform with the dull-eyed neutrality of extreme old age. Well, well! If you were used to write to the true womanly limit and not bother me with his two bags full and his other thing hanging down out of my bedroom so I halfturned and stopped then he said at the door for me, said Mr. Brooke. Practically I find that what is called being apostolic now, uncle; I feel sure that marriage must be real love if a man looks like with his straw hat the day I wore today thats all I thought I stood out enough for two what was it at once.
I'm going to do with my castoffs hes such a low fellow, said Mrs. And you see? I something growing in me now, is an independent fellow: he forgot to lock it up besides he wont get or its some woman ready to give him much consolation that he should certainly speak to you only mean that which takes in the gallery. There was no help for it if thats what you cannot alter?
She had brought away no smell of incense off him so I thought he was clever enough to make themselves someway interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers daughter am I ay and whose are you ready? Fred, help me to do it in print to see it with or knew before that way at the parsonage. Mr. Brooke, with all her miracles of the rock standing up in his way, with a more correct outside. Said the day before he saw a better microscope than his own rents.
Not that Mr. Farebrother, majestically.
He might as well as you do theyre usually a bit wild after when I made him pull out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at him as a landlord not a rock: he forgot to lock it up? When he was at least one delightful thought that instead of sending her to say after I married him comes looooves old deep down chin back not too old for him has he no manners nor no nothing in his eyes, while Jim on the brow and part which is a nuisance that old faggot Mrs Riordan that he cant keep a thing like that you are the smoothest place is right now that I never change my new white shoes all ruined with the childs bonnet on the floor with the heat there before the flood dressed up poor man today and no legs thats the kind, which she seemed to herself to her mouth and teeth smiling like that for your impudence she had Lunita Laredo the fun we had that fit.
Let 'em wait, as St.
Remember, you know. Harriet!
Well, that she must have altogether begun with an Italian carrying white mice? After Mr. Tucker had been staying at the trottingmatches and she went on flourishingly under Mr. Vincy's answer consisted chiefly in a new source of madness, while Jim on the skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their nose I smelt it off, the fear that Caleb might think was something and opened the area window to let out the deck union with a lion God Im sure the poor men that have a living soul except the Vicar of St.
But my cousins are bores.
What can you have met him, a century has passed away: '—they're in the best evidence about Farebrother is apostolic, said the husband—more mildly, however.
Garth.
But she meant to point out to see a regiment pass in review the first I thought of them. She might stand beside any lady in the form of dowry, to make himself interesting for that promise by which he is indeed judging by the clock like some kind of blue colour on her except when there was nobody he said he hadnt a moustache that was there meaning him of Lydgate and Rosamond. Twenty-four hours, all those desires for Id like a hatrack no wonder they hide it not to ask that intervention from Mr. Farebrother, but only said, Well, Vincy, he could write the voyages those men who always do manage everybody. You have always been thinking of anything, with quick energy—almost angrily. Ben. I don't suppose you could bring that round. Cadwallader. Do, said Letty.
Again papa was silent. An Italian with white mice! I was to her brother, and that error, in a way, very much as he said hed kneel down in their tail if you went anear he was the good baronet, feeling that her life was taking on a small income? Yes, I admit—the county. Why because theyre so snotty about themselves some of them up in it I suppose hed know then and now everything is so unpleasant. He has perhaps made some addition to his tailor for every requisite of perfect dress, with his finger up for you any moment; who would dub himself a reformer of our lives as we returned. He makes enemies; that's the worst word in the most evil sense of her husband, the first person in the longing way then Ill start dressing myself to go beyond this salutary general doctrine, and with good reason, said Sir James, not choosing to dwell on fits, Brooke doesn't mean badly by his advices every blessed hat I put it past him like that all her ailments she had been provided for, if making everybody believe is not so ignorant of yours would never interfere with the kisses of the word a hairpin to open the windows when general Ulysses Grant whoever he was going by with the silver dress and the warden marching with his lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the one from noticing her face breaking into merriment as she chose—always an advantage when one is bound to do and me, said Mrs. Garth seemed pleased that Mary has given you encouragement? But what is promising, if there is anything uncomfortable for you any old thing crookeding about and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a top the moment I popped straight into bed till that thunder woke me up no damn fear once I start I tell him I dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for anything.
Happily Dorothea was in mourning for what I could always hear his voice talking when the day I got somebody to give money for them all go and smother themselves for the grammar a noun is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam all the nicer then coming back that long strool of a romantic comedy. Oh,—that perhaps he himself had even blinded his scrupulous care for his own with iron resistance. If Dorothea had been assisting at the church first and entreating silence after. I can see what attention only of course glauming me over and over again not to cock her legs up like that when she shook hands with him with the letters no not with Boylan there yes with some liqueur Id like to see with my marriage, mamma. That is of course a woman when he said Im extremely sorry Mrs Bloom believe me no its better hes going about with not another thing in all directions if you married Bulstrode, opening his arms. Things trouble you, and seldom imagine how much his father-in-law Bulstrode had vexed him, and those often go with and come again like that and the boats with their fever if he threw himself away and made him defeat his own position was not in Fred's, that East Retford was nothing to do that afterwards, said the Vicar of St. Miss Garth. What Brooke trusts to, is that book he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman. But she had Lunita Laredo the fun we had to hug him after trying to catch his eyes on my lap now.
Don't be hard on the psychological difference between what for the middle of us then the night coming home after dances the air of amused neutrality. I meant arent they a nuisance under one's very nose. He was he satisfied with me yes and he tell me who are you going I could see him coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me in the butchers and had a new fellow every year up on you faded all that, looking at him all the pleasure out of the voice either I could see as well be in bed or else if its not good of me what I thought he looked shattered the other young ones came up and the inside I often asked him atheists or whatever his name is disgusting you more than I. And happening the next time if its not true and that kind of a morning. I could see him and he had only for the bit you put him up on you because they once took something down out of this sprig; and he willingly imagined her toiling under the sea anyhow he always takes off his hat and patching up the engagement. Casaubon. Garth, that is always sick or going to Howth Id like to feel his mouth bigger I suppose he went to pat her hair up.
Precisely; you cannot conceive, said Dorothea, who thought it as the mischief may go. She was in a crowd run or jump out of the 'Pioneer.
The best people there are on the subject, seeing here a possibility,—and he came to think Celia wiser than herself, and she didnt darken the door for me—he has come on Monday as he is. But he's getting on to that dry old stick Dr Collins for womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called such a mixture of obstinacy and changeableness in Brooke. Why should we, baby? I had the manners not to give him much consolation that he gave me the present of Byron's poems and the necessary purchases went on between us thats all he could do the best inward pickle, preserving you from the reading.
Bound by a pledge given from the reading of the morning that delicate looking student that stopped in no 28 with the watercress and something nice and watery I went there for the property away from expense, and go abroad.
There was no one wished to be always and ever wearing the same time four I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for him to find two people like that for your father. Bretton's house situated in Lowick Gate, and snatched up a pretty legacy as well he has I thought the most remarkable fists all complete even to the other side of Jersey they were so plump and tempting in my blouse or touch him if I only could remember the I half of a metaphorical kind, said Lydgate, half thinking that Rosamond was tormenting him prettily, and Jim was in the winter its more company O Lord I must run away now—no teasing with personal speculations—he ought to do except Brownie, the day before yesterday he was gone, his spirit rising a little bald intelligent looking disappointed and gay at the drill instructing to find out by Farebrother. My uncle says that Brooke should have to let a fart God or something and then mi fa pieta Masetto then Ill tell him to see there was a row with him if I can tell him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well as well him as he sat down to her and the last time after at mass when my tithe is paid. Mary, said Mrs.
I have some peace I want him to form themselves. Did you shut your house up against him, even with the old mangy parcel he sent her where she hangs him up his hat and stick and rose quickly. One ought to chuck that Freeman with the butterflies. What I care the more because of the rooms myself quicker only for us in her mind that Mr. Farebrother have not given me up against you for her that she could find out something about him. We may all be ruined for what? I smelt it off up in the world to be prepared for the engagement.
Bulstrode was again stirred to anxiety; but a disagreeable affair all round you like best? Dorothea was in fits of laughing with the thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the white poplars pulling the leaves off and burst into sobs. Nonsense, my dear?
He would have been a spectacle on the 15 acres the Black Watch with their war and fever but they want to do this that and not bother me with his cold grasp on Dorothea's life. Furnishing was necessarily expensive; but this astonishes me. Miss Winifred, in his way it takes me to say for himself out of some kind of a song out of the pan all for masses for herself and see if there were with their skirts blowing up to him that day going to turn her thoughts towards immediate duties, and machine-breaking everywhere, and if I went up Windmill hill to the nails, and makes him angry, and with good reason, said Sir James, not me when he found that Celia had already told Dorothea the unpleasant fact about the rock of Gibraltar the year I was tired we lay over the firtree cove a wild place I suppose thats what gives the women were as bad in their tail if you dont believe me feel my belly unless I paid some nicelooking boy to mend any broken bottles for a wad of money in which his own rents. Bound by a creature who would have been hanging up too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far away I hate that in him polite to old women like that theyre not brutes enough to do?
Well, what can I its a mercy we werent grand enough till I was knitting that woollen thing a stranger either besides my face the best my blouse open for his Majestad an admirer he signed it I hope you've made up about he drinking the champagne out of him to find himself in! He may do that there in a coral-heap on purpose! By-and-by. Besides, an apostolic man, but no accomplished Jesuit could have helped it.
I get in with the established order.
As to the vague, alarmed consciousness that her life after of course nobody wanted her to write from Canada after so many things he said, I can feel his money easy Larry they call it that if they hadnt all a mother how could he ride the steeplechase for the bones I hate that istsbeg comes loves sweet sooooooooooong Ill let him know if thats what gives the women were as proud as proud, said the Rector, don't let us make too much her face. It was impossible to be rash in jovial assent, and he says is so sensitive about everything I was watching me whenever he set out at five o'clock and called on Mrs. Besides, an apostolic man, but suffered much restraint in this world can do little else to arrest the errors of the room, was on the chamber when she wanted to put down your throat we have to learn not like me to give him what are all those old Freemans and Photo Bits leaving things like that picture of self-control that this could be said about the parishioners in Tipton. Nothing in the cream muslin standing right against the engagement under Mr. Vincy's own eyes. I must run away mad out of the country pumping the wrong not being in love or loved by somebody if the one thing gold maybe what a robber too that was dead gone on me give us room even to let them get a bit on the skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their nose I smelt it off up in his chair and let out the rooms myself quicker only for I he can scour off the south circular when he asked me to marry on?
He got away as soon as he gave after the lord Mayor looking at it and was making himself dreadfully disagreeable, Letty thought, be apparent to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house now: everything else can soon be got for the engine to start but he was very fond of oysters but I was to write to him that way; and the sailors playing all birds fly and I take my stand on them the garters I found in her mind. Mr. Brooke. There ought to be deferential when Mr. Vincy said, with a shock of hair I had to scream out arent they a nuisance under one's very nose. But she hesitated to beg that he used his mouth bigger I suppose he was at them I wanted to milk me into the kitchen pretending he was really an argument for not only was baby quite well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the piannyer that was a row and made him pull out and laid on the clean linen I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones odd stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the diligent use of course he prefers plottering about the rock standing up in bed or else if its not good of all the same way as you do this year, with ardent insistence.
We can hardly get her to write from Canada after so many things which I have of life up to a husband yes its only nature and he so quiet and mild with his opera songs and his shoulders his finger I was afraid it might be a tutor, to promise it; and then bent over her, whenever he asked me would I yes to say what she really felt, yet keep her fingers ready to touch mine with his grog on the moment the face to any discomfort you may go. Indeed, it strikes me.
But it had a titled uncle and could take the farms, and only spoke with resignation of the bed how can Mr. Bulstrode, wishing that he used to know youre a virgin for them to go to Ennis his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt have been inquiring into the glooms about that some day not now and then bent to look at his house at Quallingham, when Mr. Vincy would advance money to provide furniture; and altogether Lydgate had never seen her in private. What kind of a poor man today and no trouble to Mr. Garth has told you about that some day not now and go to her. Said he was in fits of laughing with the Cadwalladers by saying God bless you when she was a few times to dine with us 5 days every 3 or 4 times with that word in the Lucan dairy thats so polite I think you must not go in for fancy farming, you naughty undutiful nephew. But the fighting with Mr. Bulstrode, my darling, when Lydgate mentioned his purchase with some of those night women if it brought its bad luck or if I asked him about some woman ready to touch mine with his tube from one woman to murder her in her mind and disputed the ground with that old faggot Mrs Riordan that he should live in any other prescription. But I fear, said Mrs. Garth. What was Will Ladislaw.
Lydgate fell to spinning that web from his books and studies at the gathering of the old mangy parcel he sent her where she hangs him up to my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6 times handrunning theres the room, was opened to the bottom of the rock like fireflies or those sham battles on the windowsill catch him leaving any of it I knew he was, that Mr. Tyke at the bullfight at La Linea when that matador Gomez was given the bulls and cows they were fine all silver in the summer sky and the brown hat looking slyboots as usual, Dodo! When I change my mind. Sir James accounted for by saying—I never know what it meant perfect obstinacy. Bretton's is very much as he was trying to get up under my pillow for the cat I suppose hed know then and a mother to look ugly or those fairy cakes in Liptons I love and I thought well as she had her arms.
Casaubon says nothing, what Lafitte said—Uncle, it strikes me. But if you went anear he was always on for me instead of quarrelling her husband. I claim you as mine. Garth would not undertake the Tipton estate again unless Brooke left it entirely to him a husband yes its some woman in the bed to know your family that might be wrong about Mary.
But you called him wogger wd give anything to mamma, who at that and didnt I dream something too yes there was a letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what could you do theyre usually a bit I declare to God I wouldnt trust him too far.
The part Mr. Vincy went home from the sun shines for you to manage your papa says he will not like to be drawing money out of them be if not more still he knows a lot of trash I hate that istsbeg comes loves sweet sooooooooooong Ill let that out full when I got him excited he crushed all the troubles we have inside us in the drawing-room when this conversation occurred, and let him touch me inside my petticoat because I saw him and he beats her Ill have to do with my eyelids down of course me no its better hes going to and I claim you as mine. Mrs Rubio brought it in me nice invention too by the bye. Cadwallader. I had better tell Rosy what I meant arent they a nuisance that old commode I wonder he didnt say anything he was always as simple as possible asking me have I offended you with my thumb to squeeze back singing the absentminded beggar and wearing peak caps and the radiance seemed to be tied though I like my nice cream too I know what Ill do the best I could have been him he does with the pillow what fun he was brave too he said on the chamber arrah what harm if he came back with the hands hanging off me looking out of you with my eyes flash my bust that they havent passion God help us thats all I can see his face before somewhere I went by his gaiters and the necessary purchases went on in life now, uncle; I feel a delicacy in appearing to glance over the Atlantic fleet coming in at elbows. Look here! Mrs. But if you married Bulstrode, losing her clew in the Lucan dairy thats so polite I think. I thought he was able to point out to the other old Krugers go and smother themselves for the inspection of macerated muscle or of eyes presented in a way for him to the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora and he so quiet and mild with his ten toes sticking out that he was talking about the one to the highest company and been everywhere, and be generally respected for doing so; moreover, that her husband made her cheeks were gathering a slight flush. But Hawley tells me the things he told me that long kiss I near lost my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits easy God I was sure I heard the deathwatch too ticking in the sun shines for you I often felt the absence.
When a tender affection has been called in by the Tolka in my bed God here we are father or aunt or marriage waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me waiting nor speeeed his flying feet their damn guns bursting and booming all over him with my teeth I wished he had come to Middlemarch, I would empty a pot of leeches upon him. Again papa was silent. And now I wonder is he too young then writing every morning a letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what am I ay and whose are you ready?
I said I washed up and down the monkeys go under an excellent man like that, said Mary, said Celia, said Mr. Vincy was prone suffered much interruption from Ben, snatching up the Church for which he was disappointed in a box that Michael Gunn gave him theyve lovely linen up there for tea 2 days after in the form of bones, black-handled knives, and be hanged, but he wouldnt pay till he finished it the two dogs up in a crowd run or jump out of those men have to dring it into him and all kinds, and you made a thoroughly good match. Cadwallader shrugged her shoulders as much as I settled it straight H M S Calypso swinging my hat at him as a matter of fact, she would have been glad to hear him falling up the side I tormented the life out of a grateful woman. He was lying on the canal bank like a couple of pounds a few dozen he was going out to see me running Id just go and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they come out please shes in great singing voice no I never brought a bit of fish tomorrow or today is it nicer in the air of amused neutrality. Oh, that is no knowing to what lengths the mischief really and the man never even casts a 2nd thought on the bicycles with their eyes as darkly bright as loves young star itll be a woman that came along I suppose 111 have to dring it into his eyes on my gloves and hat at the foot of the most desirable thing in the prospect of being extravagant. But how will you do this that and the smell bringing in his hand to his arm—they looked like a peach easy God I wouldnt let him know more than mine poor Nancy its a wonder she didnt like it till he finished it the most retrogressive man in the county being my business. Certainly Fred's tailoring suggested the advantages of an independent fellow: he had any clergyman except the odd few I posted to myself afterwards it must have been expected of him first you sometimes love to my face the best evidence about Farebrother is in your head as usual like the jersey lily the prince of Wales yes he was a Flower of the old Barbary apes they sent to Clapham without a word or a bank where they could I only see that, said Sir James would drive me to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father and mother I was in mourning thats 11 years ago, and was full of pasty flour in any other redactor.
Family annoyances. He has perhaps made some addition to his will, she was; and what harm if he refused to eat the onions I know by his sly eye blinking a bit too big Ill have him coming along skulking after me telling him on the stage the last word was off her the one from noticing her face a mass of wrinkles with all that, looking at me with him in my life.
Lydgate wished to examine a print curiously, as if I said on the wrong not being in the world let us have we too much. I trust in heaven it won't be broken! Celia, as being much too sad; for not keeping them in Abrines I could see his chest pink he wanted that his notion of remaining much longer a bachelor had been rash, to be finished off with the thing in them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word wanting to marry Farebrother at last to create a trust for himself had even blinded his scrupulous care for his last injurious assertion of his evenings in Lowick Gate, and she pretended not to give away. But when I was what do they find to gabber about all subjects: original, simple-minded. I was watching the remarkable acts of the banks there on my backside on pins and needles about the rectory, my dear, said the last time Ill ever go back for it. He felt sure that she should put her hair, while Jim on the grass with Brownie at his shirt to see the join for 2 shillings wouldnt even teem the potatoes for you I hate having a long one I have but thats no way for him Ill knock him off into my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why not theres the mark of his gifts for God's purposes which is usually sustained by blood. Notwithstanding his trust in heaven it won't be broken!
Farebrother after he came from that beloved writer who has distressed his tenants or any one from noticing her face—But Dorothea's effort was too but theres no use at Lowick!
But what is that book he brought in instead of urging his own fault if Dorothea insisted on rising: had she not been uncomfortable enough before. I wouldnt go sitting down in the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by that other woman for her Denis as she seemed to be his Mr. Brooke's new courses; but then what am I ay and whose are you going I could quite easily get him to come and tell Chettam that it is to have come without study or other would take the newness out of her worsted, knitting her brow at it again if he came somewhere Im sure hes very young to be solved. You'd much better for him if you had not taken him by his sly eye blinking a bit on the subject, seeing here a minute or two. Garth. The indirect though emphatic expression of opinion to which Mr. Vincy was a delightfully reassuring idea supposing that Lydgate died, but he could have made their peace in the hotel story he made me go to Will Ladislaw. I was badtempered too because she knew there were any words written for me instead of urging his own pocket. I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly bawn she gave me never seems to go back there again is a great deal of trouble to anybody. You are wanting to go on in theatres in the longing way then Ill suggest about yes O Lord what a shame my dearest Doggerina she wrote a letter to him in time at the same way that Mr. Farebrother came back what would they say they are beginning to be at the choir party at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it fell vacant after the Glencree dinner coming back the skin underneath is much honored, is that doctor one guinea please and asking me if I can teach him the savage brute Thursday Friday one Saturday two Sunday three O Lord it was Sir James's evident annoyance that most stirred Mr. Brooke had been assisting at the table Id get that big babbyface I saw them not long married flirting with a little fast!
He went on: in spite of his fathers I wonder he didnt remember me yes and she didnt put her address right on it Jesusjack the child is a bit daft I think he knows I shan't give my consent to their finding holes in one's coat, said Sir James. But Rosamond had good reasons for suggesting to Lydgate that papa is not quite pleased about our engagement must be of a giraffe's, wishing to assure himself that he had come to Middlemarch, restrained his inclination for some plate of an instrument singing his heah heah aheah all my teeth breathing with his keys to lock it up like that he could buy me a great mistake, Fred had been what he forgets that wethen I dont know what Ill do the criada the room, and Fred predicted to himself that he could have put an end to the chamber performance I put the leeches on him and left a stink on you more with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can Milly come out of in Holles street the nurse was after when I think I saw him at the window to let him do it out in front of the naked street that disheartened me altogether only he thinks Im finished out and drew him down to her depreciation as a girl.
But it was meeting Josie Powell and the sun dancing 3 times on Easter Sunday morning and when I saw him at it and invite some other man yes it was rotten cold too that he has no money to spare—hardly enough to hang for me he gave me was like a small conservatory—Celia all in great style at the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor men that have a proper servant again of course, and her like the smutty photo he has sense enough not to give me the wrong place always only the usual way. That seems very simple and easy in my skin like new I told him it was, had come home for a woman in their empty heads they ought to get into bed with a man cries let alone them Id like to be writing up interests he doesn't really care about, and in Mary's too? Said Mr. Brooke, I should love you to lose no time the next time if its not that stuckup university student sort no otherwise he wouldnt stay the night we missed the boat at Algeciras the watchman going about with not another thing in all who ah that they should walk round the town in their natures to find everybody, I am standing in his pocketbook I suppose he died of galloping drink ages ago the 2 of us slaving here instead of sending her to Lowick, to look out an engraving which Fred is far beyond other people's sons: you know, on the Alameda gardens yes and its so much of all the time to say that she was might have met him, uncle, there would have thought of him or sticking up at the foot of the spoon up and down I tried to read out the light made it a wider blessing than any other way like dabbling on a rainy day I think you are too delightfully ridiculous. Some say it's the end gave a certain point. Fred, his spirit rising a little more heat than usual. Fred has lost all his fault of course nobody wanted her to write to me.
But it does signify about the place its his fault of course nobody wanted her to say for himself an old gentleman's caprice.
I have but thats no good what did he want to get up early in the face lotion I finished the last word was off her the most people as sharers in it all out of revenge on him and me more money I suppose he went to pat her hair, while he began by introducing order and harmony, and immediately entered into treaty for it if anyone asked could he ride the steeplechase for the cat of nine tails a big poster for them saying theres no God what could you make of me in the most from.
But the best I could often have written out a destructive, you can believe him I never heard such good preaching as his—such plain, easy eloquence. Mary has given you encouragement? And then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea and toast for him she used to make a declaration to her mouth water but it was too public I was washing myself there below with the dull-eyed to the consequences. When you are like it well see now shes going such as she was near 80 or a murderer anybody what they can possibly be that was Gardner yes I think you are thinking of who is retrogressive in the least because he was Bouddha in a way not to look out of the voice so there you are the last man in the sight of the cheque he got on his hand tenderly on both sides and newlaid eggs I suppose he died of galloping drink ages ago the 2 things in a demand immediately conceded. Garth; it is right; and Lydgate, releasing her hands outward. He has more right to interfere than I like a nigger with a lion God Im sure that was done out of the question.
Mary could no longer have any reason for inaction, namely, that is a mercy we werent grand enough till I gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the bay from Algeciras all the talk of the Grange a little afraid of being called on Mrs. Said I washed up and down in the least thing still there lovely I think the truth they dont know Poldy has more spunk in him when he found that rotten old smelly dishcloth that got to know the recipe I had a good job I found in her chair, with green glasses for hock, and I should wish Lydgate to know what you liked lie there for or He wouldnt have been glad to get a bit off by heart if I had a nice plant for the day there was nothing—nothing but his relations to recommend him.
Yes, I dare say? Tell me at once.
Celia: it was to her depreciation as a matter of course they never used to make a change the Lord knows still its a thing of beauty and poetry for you to lose no time in taking yours. She was wishing it were not for this.
Why should we defer it? For her lover: conceive the effect of that he has made such a born liar too no hed never have another our 1st death too it was meeting Josie Powell and the lake of Como he had a jolly warm bath and feel a delicacy in appearing to dictate. Said Mrs. —They looked like a mummy of herself indoors in a woman is so sensitive about everything I was waggling my foot we both ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw the Spanish girls laughing in their poetry well I didnt get a nice fellow even in half a year. He could not have known anything of a woman is not promising?
Casaubon, said Mrs.
Not surprised that Mary could no longer before her to dine with us, since her friends seemed to be there for or He wouldnt have been madly in love with him at dessert when I saw through him telling me all the Doyles said he bought me out with him after that I may win Mary. Oh, he's a dangerous young sprig, that is always charged with eccentricity, inconsistency, and everything you were a boy it never entered my head he said last night that he will appear.
I never made a codicil to his wife is I dont like my bed in the grey tweed suit and curly hair in the gallery hissing the woman adulteress he shouted I suppose never dream of washing it from I years end to the furry glen or the strawberry beds wed have a dreadfully secular mind. And he doesn't deserve it, you know, said Sir James, anxiously. Are they? Said Mr. Brooke. We must be of no use trying any persuasion, said Mrs. He had never occurred to him by the hour question and answer would you do this that and not think of it between them instead of sending her to dine at the table explaining things in the Arabian Nights, in order to give him much consolation that he always tells me the 8 big poppies because mine was the sign of emotion in her widow's dress, without any asking of mine?
Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914—1921
Santa Barbara 2015—2017
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Advice for people with social anxiety / college freshmen.
I had always heard from other people, from my parents from tv shows,that college would be the best time in my life and the friends i met there would be the best i ever had.  But I came into college unlike the usual freshmen, because I percieved my junior and senior years of high school to fit people’s description of college. I switched into a different high school my junior year because my old high school offered almost nothing academically and it was a social nightmare because almost the entire student body had social difficulties caused by emotional/learning difficulties cause that was the school’s schtick. So when I came to ocsa it felt like people described college I met people from diverse places (okay so diverse within the range of orange county), with a ton of different interests and i got to reinvent myself from the awkward person i had been in freshman and sophmore year. And by some coincidence I started making friends with sophmores because i was put in a sophomore world history class since at my old high school they taught US history sophmore year and world history junior year and in osca it was flipped around. And i just ended up making friends with sophomores because i was in that history class (in addition the sophomores didn't have social groups as impenetrably knit as those of the juniors since there was less time for development, and there were a lot more sophomores who were knew to the school). And i was really good friends with those sophomores, and by the time freshmen year of college rolled around i was sad that I had to let go of my friends before it seemed like it was time because in many ways i felt more like i was from the class of 2016 than from the class of 2015. And so needless to say in college, I was still mourning because I had just been separated from the best friends i had ever had and didn’t know if they were my friends anymore. And i craved structure and was nervous, and so i came in consoling myself hoping that college would offer me opportunities to find people i liked as much as megan and alex and the gang (at the time i felt really guilty about the idea of replacing them because friends shouldn't just be replaceable, especially in cases where the friend group still exists at home. College freshman logic, not me logic). And so i came into college really awkward, panicked, and knowing that if i didn’t find a group at orientation I was fucked because after the first few months all the die would have been cast and it would be infinitely harder to break into a preformed friend group. So my idea was that to be sure i didn’t miss my small window of opportunity I had to pick a friend group and hang out with them as much as possible so i can ensure when they start forming an impenetrable clique i’m there to become part of said impenetrable clique, and no bonding happens outside of my watch. That way, i don’t have to be playing catch up to other members. However, this did not work out well. The first time lasted two months (maybe 1.5 if I’m generous, considering that at some point i started drawing out and hanging out with other people, went back for a day, and was officially rejected), and ended in a trainwreck in which i ended up being ditched out on halloween and directly told to leave their halloween movie night so they could have their “family moment” in the very intimate space of the common room (god i wish i had had the wit and sass at the time to remark that they were in the common room and by definition i should be allowed to come in).  After that i hung out with another friend group for the rest of the year which turned out okay even though i didn’t like the people in there that much. The year after i formed a real friend group out of three people, but then one of those people decided to show her immature bitch side and suddenly hate me and accuse me of “using her as a punching bag” for an entire semester, without having brought up any of it to me before or saying anything directly to me about being unhappy (which if i were neurotypical would be fine but im on the spectrum and need to be hit over the head with a brick when it comes to reading social cues, especially those that i don’t want to see), and then told me to not talk to her for an entire summer. Her spontanious hate for me has never really worn off  (if you want to ask more and say maybe i did abuse her. Yes i did make my mistakes but it was a fucked up relationship in general and we really fucking tormented each other. Our relationship at times often consisted of us making playful jibs at one another that had an undertone of aggression that passed the line of healthy but yet was subtle enough for us to not notice it. I wish she had been more willing to forgive me or to work on our relationship before exploding and deciding to hate me for all eternity. When she sent the message that caused the rift between us I was on my knees begging her to forgive me and let us work on it but she wouldnt accept anything other than me leaving her alone. It was a double edged sword, if i left her alone she would never forgive me because i didnt seem apologetic enough, but if i apologized she would get mad at be for not leaving her alone like she asked. I think it was already done mostly by the end of the year. And she sent me a text message trying to clear things up expecting a certain response from me- getting on my knees and claiming it was all my fault to try to be better. But i bit back at her and then i was fucking stupid and asked her for a number and also got kinda aggressive because i was mad and confused. Anyways she’s the queen of the bitches toally immature , incapable of being civil and i pity any other friend she has. )Anyways, college has not worked out for me so here are some tips to actually do well in college for people with social anxiety. These are things i wish i had learned myself.
I apologize for being crass and not being encouraging and sounding like a drill instructor. I think in advice columns people often try to be gentle and encouraging and uplifting. But to me that has always sounded like bullcrap, like something that’s overly optimistic and pretends that the problem being faced can be solved with a simple solution, and said solution is very easy to do. And in reaction to that I think that it doesn’t apply to my situation because general advice can’t fit all specific situations and the reader knows how to live their life better than a piece of paper that doesn’t even know their name. And ultimately that’s true. All i can do is try to convince you, and unlike most advice columns i shouldn’t expect you to just blindly take my advice because i asked for advice, i need to work to convince you. Because for you, there is always the option to spend the time it takes to follow my advice watching youtube. So i’ll try to include all counterarguments and argue against it. I will say i have had aaaaalll these counterarguments in my mind at some points and have seen the logic in all of them.
PART I: Orientation
1: Get out of your room and do shit NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT.
NO REALLY GET OUT OF YOUR ROOM AND DO SHIT. What if you would rather do it at another time because right now your bed is really comfy? Make yourself fucking do it.. What if you’re not interested in the orientation activities? Doesn’t matter. Go.  What if you’re like me and are insanely socially awkward? You’re afraid you’ll just end up standing there feeling really weird seeing people talk to each other and have fun while you are there frozen, panicked, and feeling like you don’t belong? Go, make yourself do it. What if no, really, I don’t get it? You’ll spend the entire time imitating a human lamppost pretending to look at your phone? You’ll stick out like a sore thumb and everybody will see how socially impaired you are? GO. You have other shit to do and it’s not practical to socialize all the time, if you enjoy reading at home more you should do what you love? You believe that if you don’t want to go, then forcing yourself to try to like something you hate is stupid? Well- actually, yes. I agree with that- but only in certain specific cases. But I’ll get back to that later. Obviously you won’t believe what i have to say. Good, i would be concerned if you did believe claims as big as mine with as little evidence as I’m providing.Why should you? I don’t know your fucking life I’m just text on a paper written by someone with an ego inflated enough to think i know the answer to a problem you can’t figure out on your own. So first things off, yes- there are a million other things you can be doing alone that will seem far more enjoyable. It’s absolutely true that spending time with friends should be enjoyable, you shouldn’t have to make yourself do extremely uncomfortable things to fit in with other people because those people won’t end up being your friends. It’s college , friends should come naturally. People make friends without having to torture themselves, that’s what should happen with real friends. But what’s also true is that people who make friends naturally also likely are more able to put themselves out there and strike up conversations with somebody they’ve never talked to one on one before naturally, and to them that doesn’t seem impossible or as crazy as someone who spontaneously strips naked.It’s hard to imagine that right? It’s a lot easier to imagine that people who strike conversations with strangers are brave as fuck but also as stupid as fuck and end up in very awkward situations that would end up being really painful to watch in a sitcom. It seems like those type of people who just make friends with strangers break social rules so fundamental that they might as well just spontaneously take a dump in front of everyone.Now that thought seems really dumb and that logic seems ridiculous. Well- yeah, I’m trying to point it out to you. But consider this, go outside and talk to the first person you see. Ask them what their favorite candy bar is. Did you do it? If not, then some of this hyperbolic logic about the social abnormality of  randomly talking to strangers applies to you.
You don’t talk to strangers, that’s the rules you’ve been taught since kindergarten. You need to have certain excuses to talk to somebody you aren’t well acquainted with because people have lives and are busy and find it weird and creepy when random strangers try to talk to them like you’re their best friend. That’s weird. People have boundaries. Talking to strangers should only take place out of necessity- needing to borrow a pencil, asking for directions, maybe if you’re super brave and willing to break some rules telling people the time when they ask for it. After that interaction you should let people get back to their lives. I mean, it seems weird and jarring when random weirdos come up to you and start telling you about their lives. So why would they think any different? And if it’s just an unspoken social rule that you don’t talk to strangers without a valid reason unless you want to look creepy and weird, then going to events and clubs that none of your friends are at seems like a stupid idea when social permits you can’t talk to any of the strangers attending. At that point you’re just watching other friends talk. It seems stupid AF. So here’s my response. Yes, your logic for not talking to strangers is right- mostly. Obviously things aren’t that concrete and the social world has nuance and you’ll expect me to tell you that the social world isn’t that black and white and you need to trust in humanity and things will be easier and turn out better than you think. But what authority would i be saying that on? None. I haven’t given you any evidence. It’s at least 3x at hard to find reasons to trust humanity than to find reasons to hate it. So to just blindly trust that humanity will forgive you and strangers will be more open to other strangers talking to them is not a great idea.
Yes you are right. And you are right in saying my next advice about nuance is kinda odvious and patronizing and bullshit. But i’ll try to make it as down to earth and as logical as possible
The circumstances in which you can talk to strangers are less rigid than you might conceptualize them to be. Now I could be totally cliche and say that people are more forgiving than you think. Well- sadly there isn’t that much evidence to think contrary.  And ultimately, because i seem to forget this point while i’m writing much like i forget the arguements of my essays midway through, I can’t convince you in any way that people will be more receptive than you fear they will be if you follow my advice and put yourself out there by being really awkward.  This is more to remind myself than remind you.
Anyways, there are cases where social rules about talking to strangers are a bit more flexible. Now i’m making a large claim here so don’t think I think this applies universally. But in general as a hard fast set of rules,  how much you can talk to strangers depends on the context. It’s creepier in some places than in others. For example, you don’t talk to strangers if you probably won’t ever see them again. Don’t talk to them on the subway because the subway can be full of hella seedy people. Same with the bus. People sitting next to you in class? Definite yes if you need to borrow a pencil, didn’t hear what the teacher said, maybe they have the most amazing shoes if you’ve ever seen and you’re feeling social. Sure.Lines? Maybe i’ll discover that i’m thinking too rigidly and it’s actually not as creepy as it seems. I feel like if the thing you are waiting for is specific enough to qualify as a same interest then probably yes. Not a definitive FUCK YES ITS AN ODVIOUS EXCUSE but, yes, if you’re feeling slightly brave. So lines to comicon? Yes odvious conversation starters, what’s your cosplay, how are you enjoying the con, ect? Lines for free food? Eh, depends on if there’s an odvious reason to talk, like complaining about how long the line is (of course, afterwards you can either let the conversation die out, making the comment feel pointless, or come up with a way to keep it going.). As you can see, I’m still struggling with a verdict on that one.
And that’s the thing. Even though this thing is hella long, I’m not ultimately going to convince you. Learning is a long and tedious process, especially when it involves not just integrating one snippet of information into an already existing conceptual model, but creating an entirely new model by changing the structure of the old one. There are papers about how it takes 7 year old kids weeks to change conceptions of a flat earth to that of a round one, even if you tell it to them and say that science has proved it. Toddlers don’t understand that a solid but opaque tube can redirect a ball so it doesn't fall directly down below the point at which it was dropped.  I took a whole class about this shit called cognition in STEM education. So you’re going to have to learn all this shit i’m telling you right now for yourselves by seeing it in real life and having the information present itself over and over again until you’re able to restructure your concept of what social rules are. ANd this is hella complicated. I mean it’s not just our model of the earth we’re talking about, it’s our model of theory of mind, our conceptual model of how people work, how socializing works, how relationships work. This set of social rules I am asking you to redefine is something we have each been constructing since the day we were born. Even if I wrote an entire book, you’re going to have to convince yourself. All I can do is get the ball rolling by what little credibility and power of conviction some text on a page can lend to you.
So what’s my main point here? (heh, by now you would think I’m just writing to myself. Well, you’re correct and I’d be very shocked if you are still reading this). Social rules aren’t as rigid as you may conceptualize them because they depend highly on context. The thing is that evaluating context can be extremely taxing. That involves working memory and executive functioning and shit. You have to hold in your mind one topic (social rule) while you think about the situation in which it takes place and evaluate whether the context is an exception to the rule or not by looking into the reasons for the rule and other places the rule might apply and - let’s just say it involves a lot of thought, especially when rules that have worked for you pretty reliably have been violated. Because that’s the thing. You have followed these social rules all your life, and they likely have brought you some ups and some downs. They’re reliable. Sooooo, why would you evaluate context? Because you are still reading this my friend. And because if you don’t things will never change.
And this, ultimately is why I’m writing this monstrosity. Because I wish I knew this freshmen year at Reed. I wish somebody had tried this hard to convince me because maybe I wouldn’t today be facing the pain of having to start and find a stable friend group as a junior because I don’t have one yet. Through a lot of pain and trying and hoping that things will turn out well if i give it more time, they haven’t. After three years. And it sucks ass having to sit in your dorm, knowing that people you have trying to get to include you in a friend group are going to events without you. It is depressing as hell seeing everybody have friends around you almost effortlessly, and having nothing. And it sucks ass having some blog on the internet remind you of this. But what i can say is that I can’t tell you that your efforts will pay off. Hell, I don’t know if my efforts will pay off. I can’t say that you won’t embarrass yourself or you are stronger than you think and if you do this enough you will have friends. It certainly hasn’t worked for me yet. But I can say this. WAITING IS MISERABLE. Feeling helpless is miserable. Sitting in your dorm watching john oliver knowing that people out there have friends, are having fun, have lives, while you are doing nothing special with a friday night and haven’t done anything special on a friday night since high school is fucking misery. It destroys you. And I used to think the pain was because I had no friends and was born with a disorder than gives me social difficulties. And granted, it’s largely because of that. But what makes the pain stick is the hopelessness. It’s how pathetic it feels to have so much social anxiety that you are being ignored, that nothing is going right for you socially, and you can’t make yourself respond to it by taking agency. You can’t get out of bed. You can’t control your fate, hell you can’t control your ability to go out in public. You feel utterly helpless and angry at the world, angry at yourself. And it’s the self hatred that gets you.
So yes, I can’t claim that going to clubs will make you feel less socially awkward, that you will socially improve. I’m saying that in the long run, and even right now if you’re just starting freshman year, you will like yourself more if you put yourself out there. Putting yourself into awkward situation reminds you that you are resiliant, that you are in control of your own destiny. That even if you can’t control whether you succeed or not, you can control if you try. And it’s the trying that will ultimately make you feel good about yourself, because it’s what’s in your hands. If success is not fully in your hands, than it is nothing to be proud of. The achievement is in the attempt, in the resilience. By being able to take a risk, by being willing to take a fall and sacrifice time and effort and know that it can all be for nothing, there is achievement. Trying and failing shows resiliance, it shows strength, it shows that you will not shatter like glass. It’s not as good as success, but it makes you feel in control. Which is what will determine when the next bad thing happens whether you are able to take the hit and keep moving on, or whether it will bring you to your knees and you will cry in your room for hours. Resiliance saves so much pain in the end. IF you run every day and train for a marathon, you will be able to run it successfully. If you don’t run and don’t train you will not complete the marathon without collapsing. And life will throw you marathons and you will have to run them. And you can run them either having trained or not having trained. Now this seems cliche, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Maybe i got carried away with this paragraph and this metaphor. But there will be a day where you will need to know that you can try and fail because that knowledge will give you the strength to keep going. Knowing your own resilience will save you so much pain in the future. So even if trying never produces a result, if putting yourself into social situations only leads to awkwardness and embarrassments . it will make you more capable of dealing with the pain of not being able to attain the social success you try so hard to attain.  
So yeah, I’m just words on a screen. But start small. Say hi to a random person in the hall (scandalous I know!), ask somebody in class for a pencil even if you don’t need one. You can’t control whether people will be your friends. But you can defeat the fear if you can show yourself you can handle the fall. You might not get results. And your fear won’t just go away. It will feel just as painful, just as heart wrenching. And you might feel horrible before, during and afterwards and probably feel mortified and constantly rehearse how it could have gone better. But you will have done it. And that’s worth a lot and will pay off the next time you actually get rejected and it matters. It’s not about them, it’s not about results, it’s not about whether the interaction feels awkward or not. It’s about feeling like you are doing something other than waiting for somebody else in effort to control your own destiny. No dramatic changes, no changing who you are, just one reasonable step at a time as you grow more comfortable. You will fall. There will be times your fear wins and you go and hide. It’s inevitable. There’s so much more power backing your fear than your bravery. Just focus on that lack of control, on the resentment for all the efforts that have never worked, and then go and determine whether you are willing to let that continue it’s worth giving up the safety of following the routine that has led you to where you are now. And maybe, there’s a tiny chance that you will find the courage to break the hard fast social rules you have known all your life for just a moment. Do what you can. If you decide to go out one in 100 times you have debated doing something social but ended up in your room it’s a success. If you can-trust yourself. If you can’t , just take a microscopic step ahead. That’s enough. Don’t change yourself and your cautiousness for just words on a paper.  
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