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#i dont want to have to go all ED again i dont have the money or energy
bluinary · 18 days
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Waking up crying because after 2 years of grinding and understudying I was called back to play a real lead for a renowned director (me out of 3 girls total) and I lost the role to a girl who just auditioned here for the first time. The worst part is that I am also her understudy for the show before that!
#and it feels like no one actually gives a fuck. im being constantly invalidated#“thats showbiz” bitch this is a community theatre that prides itself on fairness#im not saying I shouldve just gotten the role bc ive been there. either role.#i am saying though that playing a fucking lead has historically been treated like a privilege.#because it can lead to huge opportunities once ppl see you that way#and tbf I nailed the callback. even the girl cast (whos also my new friend) said honestly she was sure it was me.#before i was even called back i had fellow actors saying id be perfect for it#i know why he cast the other girl. there are multiple reasons.#but honestly her reasons and mine weigh much the same. and she just got there.#im emphasizing SHE JUST GOT THERE#she even told me she just wanted to be involved#this is the 2nd time this has happened to me and im really fucking sick of it.#and now that ive regained some weight.....who tf else will cast me#i dont want to have to go all ED again i dont have the money or energy#also I cant dance very well. at least not in callbacks. i always forget what move comes next and i bomb it.#anyway. now im waking up crying. and its coming from a selfish place so no one is here to give a fuck.#this is the worst position to be in lmfao. if i have feelings about something im the villain and a diva.#i have to be “humble” but oh!! dont be down on yourself either!! have pride!!#this month has sucked so bad.#blu babbles#also. shes really good! but shes absolutely not THAT good lmfao. her presence is awesome and she dances well#and her voice is really nice! shes a triple threat but like. all areas are just *at* the bar yknow?#for me ive been told my acting is also at the bar my dancing is just below the bar and my voice is way above the bar.#shes been asking me for tips on singing and no one also seems to see how that feels like twisting the knife.#ik its not intentional. shes just naive. but it still hurts. it hurts really really bad.#im like @ god if you want me to have faith and confidence in myself why are you making me into a loser#first i lose my ex. then my car gets fucked up. also its been cloudy for 2+ weeks so depression. then i gain weight.#now i lose BOTH roles i was called back for.#i dont even want to go to rehearsal today. what the hell do they need me for.
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ever-4sunlight · 2 months
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𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔
𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 (𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒃𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏)
Includes: dottore, pantalone, childe, arlecchino
warnings: Sexuallity headcannons (my own opinion) and very bad English, mention of yandere actions in arlecchinos part
pronouns: none
1/2
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𝑫𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒆
He is... Lets just say a little weird but talks much he will tell you about who he experimented on all night long you wont be able to sleep
If he is tired he gets annoyed easily so dont talk much when hes not in the mood
hes a smart person why should he do what you say? He will command you around
He will 'accidentally' test some of his syringes on you when your sleeping
He wont have much time to spend with you he has to work on his experiments! Nothing is more important then his job
If your to lonely he will send on of his clones to cuddle with you while he can work without feeling bad for not spending time with you
He is totally against kids why should he raise some idiots that will be disrespectful when they grow up?
Im pretty sure that when he ever has free time he wont tell you how much he loves you but will show you how much he loves you
If he hugs you his hands will be placed on your waist if he has time to touch you he will touch you
He will give you everything you want (no child) not personally of course he has to work so a clone will do that for him
possible Sexuallity: confusing me as much as kazuha. _.
His love language is probably: physical touch
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𝑷𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆
Hes tthe richest harbinger of all he will get you whatever you want it doesn't matter how much it costs everything for his love
He is working must of the time so he will send you little gifts
If he ever has free time he will probably go out with you doing whatever you want shopping or going to a restaurant he doesn't care he will go there with you
He would probably buy you a kitty or a puppy against the boredom when hes working
Buy you every type of clothing you want it doesn't matter to him how much it costs he has the big money
Hes not completely against kids but he's working to much to help you raising them and giving up his job is no option so think about it
He wont have much time to spend with you but he will feel bad leaving you alone all the time
As long as your safe everything is alright so he doesn't have to worry
If he comes back from work he will always have a gift for you and the hours you've waited
If he hugs your he wil lay you on his chest and just stroke your hair talking until you sleep
Possible Sexuallity: bi sexual
His love language is probably: gifts and words of affirmation
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𝑪𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒆/𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒂
Here we go with our all loved ed sheeran also known as tartaglia he is joking around like a little kid he loves you more then everything in this world
He is definitely not the smartest of the harbingers after all he is the 11th fatui harbinger the weakest and the dumbest? Im not calling him dumb im just not calling him smart
He is a harbinger he has practically no time like the other ones T-T
But i swear to you if he has a free day he will attack you with affection cuddling you for hours and telling you how much he loves you not letting go until he has to work again
If none of his fellow harbingers are near he will talk about his brother and his sister while holding you in his arms
He will hold you by your waist having his chin on your shoulder whispering into your ear how much he loves you
He will Probably never tell you what things he has done because hes scared that you will hate him for the bad things hes done
He wants kids! 100% he just wants to see mini versions of you running around (if your male just adopted or just think in omega verse:D)
His sexuallity is probably: im not sure... Bi or pan?
His love language is probably: physical touch and gifts
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𝑨𝒓𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒐
There wwe go with or harbinger mommy shes not only sexy but overall just the perfect definition of toxic<3 but we still love her and she loves you too!
She's VERY possessive and if i say VERY I MEAN VERY she gets jealous by having you just talk to someone else thats not her your hers after all
Shes cold... Not only are her hands cold but shes just someone who barely shows emotions but no worries! She still loves you
If she comes home its late and your probably already asleep but she just cant help but lean your head against her chest when she lays down beside you she just wants to have her lover close!
If you disobey her your probably getting locked into your room to keep you away fron the 'danger' outside
The only person she trusts you with is herself obviously shes the one she can trust the most shes a father! She knows what she's doing
When ttalking about kids shes neutral... Just keep the screaming thing away... But at the same time its hers and it needs protection and care
Shes not talkative so dont annoy her to much!
Her sexuallity is probably: i would actually say shes a lesbian._. But for the more judgmental audience i say bi
Her love language is probably: acts of service
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princesssmars · 6 months
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holly jolly!
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an abby anderson x reader based on my abby winter drabble !
wc : 15.718
contains : fluff, angst and smut . fxf relationship. fem!reader. switch! abby and reader. oral and penetrative sex. strap-on yippee. past abby x owen ewwww. owen hate bc i hate him and its funny. reader is a skier and abby does hockey! shitty dad for reader sorry girls. slight alcoholism sorry girls again. the reader is described as slightly tall i know yall been wanting taller readers. reader is kind of bitchy and abby loves it my fave dynamic (dynamic and pretty much the rest inspired by the little ruse go read it).
a/n : sorry i never got over my drabble guys. i dont know who exactly made hockey!abby but ive read em all so big creds to @angelkissiies @millersaurora @whatwouldsylwrite (and @eightstarr for calling abby princess) everyone else smoochies ily <3 made reader a skier because ive been obsessing over the olympics and i watched mollys game and thought it would be cool if i made a skier reader instead of a figure skater. ballerina next time if yall will indulge my delusions.
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christmas has always been a bittersweet holiday.
you can remember the good parts from your childhood. picking out your first stocking with your mom. when your younger brother hid in the cupboard to try and catch santa. when your baby brother got cookie dough all over the kitchen, even on the ceiling. or when you were five years old and your dad gifted you your very first pairs of skis.
but it was hard to remember when the bad could get really bad. constant days spent out in the cold and snow, redoing your runs over and over until your legs burned and your back ached. your days that were supposed to be full of vacationing and fun instead filled with aches and falls and countless arguments once you realized you could start talking back.
some of the few friends you've had over the years tried to get you to focus on the good times and not the bad. that dwelling in the past wouldn't help you move forward. when you were younger you'd just call them assholes and move on, but recently it didn't seem worth the effort. that's probably why you started college with no close friends.
it was fine. you had your smarts, which helped you to get a full-ride scholarship when a skiing one fell through after a bad leg injury a few months back. because of that, your mom managed to convince your dad to get off of your ass for a while as you recovered. you had money thanks to your parents and you had your looks which would land you a hookup once in a blue moon.
you'd even made two acquaintances on campus, your roommate, tonya, who was pretty mellow and made sure not to bring the weed she smoked inside your dorm, and a girl named nora in one of your general ed classes whom you would partner up with often.
so yeah. it was fine. at least until the end of your freshman year.
you were running late for your ten am class, sleeping in because tonya had somehow managed to convince you to go to a small party with her last night and take body shots, and then when you were close to being drunk you saw one of your past hookups in the corner who you had dropped for getting way too attached way too quickly, so then you had to quickly find tonya and run back to your dorm-
youre in the middle of remembering ton's bird-like laugh when you nearly faceplanted into your front door when you ran full force into a hulking mass of a body.
the sound of them lightly cursing and asking if you were okay falls on deaf ears as you pick up your bag and hike it to your class, ignoring the stairs of the other students when you rush and plop into your seat.
luckily you manage to get yourself together afterwards, fixing yourself up at your dorm before heading to your next course with nora. as soon as you sit down she's teasing you about a video she saw of you getting wasted last night and you don't even have the energy to entertain her.
"well, instead of getting drunk off your ass again how about you join me tonight? one of my friends is on the hockey team and i got some nice ass tickets."
"c'mon, nora. hockey? seriously?"
"oh, im sorry ms. olympian, is hockey too good for you suddenly? just a bunch of women tossing a puck around too barbaric for you?"
"wait, you didnt say it was women's hockey."
"well, it is."
"..."
"..."
"what time does it start?"
at around five you're putting on a cute sweater and a puffer jacket before joining nora on the campus bus where she tries to quickly explain the rules of hockey to you in the span of five minutes. she asks how on earth you haven't been to one of the games or at least heard of the team's star breakout player. you have to carefully explain that you've had enough of sports to last a lifetime.
the indoor arena is packed, and you have to roughly squeeze and push multiple people out of the way to get by. nora starts laughing and tells you to leave the violence to the players and you brush her off. (for some reason she constantly loves to tease you.) when you both finally sit in your seats, you notice that they're behind the glass where the team players get out onto the ice and sit for breaks. nora suddenly bangs on the glass behind a player wearing an ANDERSON 20 jersey. the girl stands up and turns around and good god.
you weren't the shortest girl yourself, standing a couple inches over most girls you knew, but jesus she was easily almost six feet tall, and big, even if her jersey and gear probably made her look larger which really didn't help you focus. you liked the contrast of it with her face, bright, cute, and red from the cold as she talked to nora through the plexiglass. you were just about to admire the shape of her nose when her slightly unnerving blue eyes turned to you.
"hey, i recognize you!"
your brows pull in a deep scrunch.
"from this morning, you bumped into me and nearly knocked me on my ass."
"oh my god, i had a feeling that was you!" you hear the familiar noise of nora laughing at your pain. "jeez, how drunk did you get last night?"
"would you just- look, im sorry about earlier. i was hungover and rushing to class."
she smiles and shakes her head. "its chill, dont worry about it. nora, are you going to that party at derek's frat after? i swear he was begging me to come but i wasnt too sure."
"abby, everyone asks you to go to their parties and you never do! live a little." nora pauses before wrapping her arm around your shoulders.
you knew she was about to say something to piss you off.
"even little y/n here is gonna come and properly apologize to someone for once. isn't that right, hun?"
great.
"well, that wasn't my plan for tonight. at all." you say before picking up your giant hockey-themed plastic cup and taking a sip, hoping the chill of your slushie numbs out the rest of this conversation.
abby adjusts some of her straps and her helmet before resting her hand on the glass, noticing how the rest of her teammates are getting ready to go out on the ice. "well, i'd really like to see you there. is there any way i could convince you to come?"
"i don't know, is there?"
"how about... when i win, you come to the party with me."
you couldn't help but roll your eyes so hard they hurt. leave it to nora to be friends with the walking cliche of an arrogant sports player. you could've been spending this moment in your dorm watching a dumb hallmark movie about a businesswoman falling in love with a farmer while eating chips and drinking a self-indulgent capri sun.
"and if you lose?"
the announcer over the loudspeaker called for the game to start and the players started making their way onto the ice. abby winks at you before turning around and joining the rest of her team.
"trust me, i won't."
you scoffed and flopped back into your hard seat, sucking almost angrily at the bright red straw in your slushie to ignore nora's look.
"are all of your friends that annoying?"
"kind of. thought you'd enjoy it though. birds of a feather."
not bothering to entertain her, you focused on the game that was starting in front of you.
you could understand the basics of the game; one team had to get the puck into the other goal several times until they won. you had a brief understanding of some of the other rules, mostly because your father explained every winter olympic sport to you in great detail when you were twelve. it became so boring at one point that you fell asleep and banged your head on the coffee table, startling the both of you so much he decided to let you go to bed.
but as the game goes on you have to admit that anderson is frighteningly good at what she does. she moves gracefully and quickly on the ice, so well you think to yourself that if she ever tires of hockey she could seriously pursue ice skating, but when an opposing player gets too aggressive with her she returns it with force. she's like an avalanche on skates.
when the game ends you can't tell whether you're shocked or agitated. your team won in what nora called a 'total fucking landslide', the bright 6-1 lighting up the scoreboard like a smack in the face. it felt slightly awkward that everyone around you was yelling and celebrating while you were sitting statue still in your seat.
nora could probably sense your discomfort and gently pulled you up, telling you that the both of you could throw your things away before meeting up with some more friends of hers before heading to the party.
so awesome.
her friends were nice enough, a psychology student named leah and her boyfriend jordan who was some type of biology major. they seemed happy to meet you but happier to make googoo eyes at each other and go to the party, which meant you most likely wouldn't see them again once you got there unless you stumble upon the two in a hallway closet or bathroom. there was also mel, a nursing student who seemed slightly closed off but agreed with you when you mentioned this party would probably be loud and gross. a bunch of athletes celebrating a win is a recipe for disaster.
"finally, the campion herself arrives!" jordan cheers and raises his bag of chips up to abby who's walking up to your group, wearing a simple college sweatshirt and some black sweatpants. for something so basic she makes it look good, and if you didn't have any integrity and weren't pissed off about this party bet thing you'd tell her so. but you are pissed off and still have about half of your integrity, so you keep your mouth shut.
when she bumps into your shoulder with a 'told ya i'd win' you're about to reply with a snarky remark when a tall man with dark blonde hair and another with tanned skin and brown hair come up beside her and raise her up on their shoulders, chanting 'anderson, anderson!' on repeat. you look to nora who just rolls her eyes and tells you that she'll introduce you in the car.
you're all split into two cars, with you riding with the two strange men along with abby and nora. they tell you the guysin the front seats are owen and manny. also that they've all known each other since they were teens which definitely doesn't make you feel like an outsider. but manny keeps trying to joke around with you so you don't feel too awkward which you can appreciate. even if you don't really laugh.
when the car stops at a giant white frat house you arent surprised in the slightest. you were about to prepare yourself for another night of drinking and finding another hookup when abby throws her arm over your shoulder and decides that she likes you enough to spend most of the night by your side.
she walks with you to get drinks and then leaves to go celebrate with some other friends while you sit and nurse your drink for a while. it leaves you some time to think, asking yourself why you're acting like you're trapped here when you could just leave whenever you want, but you don't understand why you don't. maybe it's because you'll use any excuse to have a good reason to drown out your problems with alcohol. or because you're lonely but don't feel like admitting it.
after around half an hour she comes back and sits on one side of you while you talk to nora and joins in. she asks about your major, if you're from seattle, and how you met nora. after a while you stop rolling your shoulders when she asks a new question and settle into conversation with her. and after a few hours you learn more about her too, that her dad is a neurosurgeon and she's following in his footsteps with her pre-med major, but that as soon as she tried hockey she knew she wanted to do it forever. she tells you that she doesn't really like drinking, she knows most of the people on the other women's sports teams, that she used to date owen-
you choke on a sip of your vodka and nora pats your back with a chuckle. you were definitely off your game tonight. but besides that hiccup you have to admit talking to them is enjoyable. even their friend manny comes over and dares you to do shots with him and you were seriously about to do it before the girls talked you out of it.
over the next few weeks, you talk more and more to the anderson girl, to the point where you're staying up at night to talk to her over the phone and waking up to your roommate giggling in your face. once she was so tired after a game she started snoring and you would not let her forget it. just like she wouldn't let you forget the time you got wasted at a sorority party, got on top of the kitchen island, and danced to a city girls' song before she set you back on the floor.
you wouldn't ever admit it out loud, hell you had barely admitted it to yourself, but you had started to catch feelings for abby. there was nothing more mebarrasing and cliche to you than falling for your straight friend, and you really didnt want to be on eof those girls who did so. but in your defense, it was really hard not to. she was annoyingly pretty, lord knows how many times youe admired the freckles dusting her cheeks down to her shoulders. she was strong and smart and every other positive character trait your brain could conure up.
but the worst thing was just how nice she was to you.
in hindsight, the way everything fell into place was honestly the dumbest thing ever. you were at a county fair leah had heard about and asked you to come with her along with jordan and abby. obviously, the couple went in their own direction after a while, which left you and abby to wander around getting on the different rides and getting your reaction to abby eating her first-ever funnel cake. but then it was later, and the two of you had stopped at one of those rigged pop up games and you bet her twenty bucks that she wouldn't win, and if there was one thing you knew about abby it was that she took bets very seriously, so when she won and had to pick her prize you were a little confused when she picked your favorite animal and handed it to you.
when you asked her how she knew it was your favorite, all she could say was 'you said they were cool a few times and they're your profile picture on your private instagram, so i just put the pieces together.'
you went home and didnt talk to her for a week. or at least you tried to, because after a weekend of ignoring her calls and convincing tonya to bring you meals from the lunch hall the blonde girl banged her fist on your door and basically demanded you tell her what your problem was.
"i don't see what the big fucking deal is. i'm allowed a little bit of space from you, abigail."
she scoffed and you could see her tongue bunch in the corner of her mouth before her body pushed past yours until she was standing in the middle of your room.
"i'm not saying you can't have space and you know im not. i mean, one second we're having a good time together and then you just shut me out for no reason. if i did something wrong i need you to tell me. i can't read your damn mind, y/n."
sometimes it feels like you can, you think with a snort, feeling slightly embarrassed by the angry look on her face. you collect yourself and cross your arms over your chest. "i just don't feel like talking to you right now, so if you could please get out now-"
"nope. not gonna leave until you tell me what's wrong."
sometimes you could forget just how damn stubborn she was. it mostly popped up on the ice, and you had once overheard her coach say that if she wasn't such a great player she'd be benched most of the time.
"do you realize how annoying you're being right now?"
"don't care."
"i don't give a shit if you have muscles, i can still kick your ass."
"i'd really like to see you try, princess."
you groan and cover your face, but not before raising them in a choking gesture. you walk backward and sit on your bed, trying to take a breather before anderson follows you and resting on the ground in front of you, her large palms smoothing up and down your thighs.
"please, y/n, just...just tell me what i did and i'll fix it, i promise."
you've never been one to cry. or maybe you had been when you were a young child before your father taught you that 'crying doesn't achieve success, at least not the kind you want.' but you can see how much abby cares about you in her eyes and you know that despite you being unreasonable she'll put up with it anyway. your eyes start to sting and you rest your head in the crook of her neck.
she doesn't force you to say anything more than you want, rubbing the expanse of your back while another hand gently pats your head. after a long minute, you pull your head up and find that the space between your two faces is almost nonexistent, your eyes dart from her eyes to her lips, and before you can say anything else her hand is on the back of your neck and she's bringing your lips down to hers.
its soft and sweet and her lips are soft and feel like heaven against yours, and she doesn't give you a second to be confused about what's happening because she's making the kiss deeper and pulling your body closer to hers by putting her arms under yours and pressing you in by the back of your shoulders. you throw your arms over her shoulders and behind her neck and decide that you're going to enjoy this moment for as long as you can.
but eventually, you need to breathe, pulling your head back and letting out a shaky breath of air when abby just moves her ministrations to your neck, sucking and biting on the skin until it bruises.
"i..i thought you were straight." is all you can manage to voice, the feeling of her body pressed into yours and her teeth nipping at your neck making your mind hazy.
she laughs and kisses your neck a few times before looking you in the eyes. "well, i never actually said i was, you just assumed so."
"seriously? you dated owen? he's the dullest straight girl choice i've ever met. and we live in washington" you scoffed.
"yeah, well. that was a long time ago. i've moved on to bigger and better things."
she plants a big overdramatic kiss on your cheek, repeating so on the other side of your face until she can see your smile and hear you giggle. when you both calm down a little she backs up and wears a more serious look on her face.
"i care about you. more than i've cared about anyone before." she smiles, her thumb rubbing over the back of one of your hands. "except maybe my dad, obviously. and nora, she was kinda my best friend before you. but you get what im trying to say."
you laugh and nod at her. "i understand. i...like you too. a lot."
"geez, you're seriously emotionally stunted. but i'll take what i can't get, you'll warm up to me eventually." she slaps her hands on your thighs, ignoring the annoyed look on your face before scooching your body up until you're laying down on your bed, her body gently flopping down onto yours.
"abby! get the hell off, you're wearing your outside clothes!"
"cmon, just five more minutes."
and as much as you complained during those five minutes, you both knew you didnt mind that much.
after that things were really nice. at least for the most part. you were officially abby's girlfriend, which she had asked if you wanted to be the day after you two semi-confessed your feelings. she knew that this kind of commitment was new to you, and the last time it didn't go so well for her, so you both decided it'd be best to take it slow.
(slow meaning you did everything you two did before with the added bonus of making out whenever you wanted. you weren't complaining.)
but keeping things on the down low was a bit of a struggle. abby was a huge fan of pda, always found hugging one of her teammates after a successful game or cuddling with someone on movie nights. she would hug you when you were just friends, but now that you were comfortable with her touching you more in private it started to bleed into public life, her hand looking for yours when walking around or giving you a kiss on the cheek after you aced another test.
the next problem was your friends. you had told nora over a late night phone call while manny had found out when he had walked into the living room of his and abbys shared dorm and found the two of you with your shirts off and kissing on the couch, shouting in both spanish and english about how his eyes burned but he was happy for you both.
you both knew you could trust the two of them with your 'secret', but you didn't expect that end-of-the-year party owen and manny decided to invite you both to.
it was a mix of things really. you were going to just spend time with your friends and nothing more, but you were feeling really pent up. when you and abby decided to take things slow, that also meant sex. which at first was all right with you, hookups were a lot different than sharing yourself with someone you really cared about. but abby was just so effortlessly hot, and now since hockey season was over she had more time to spend with you and it was driving you up the damn wall. it got to the point that you found yourself nearly always on the brink of an orgasm when after a long day she'd press you into her bed and kiss you until you felt dizzy.
so when she decided to go to the party in a tight long-sleeved top and a normal pair of jeans, you definitely should not have been all over her as you were.
(to be fair. she was also on you like white on rice. you had decided to don a tube top with a mini skirt, figuring it couldn't hurt to dress up a little for a simple party. especially since it made your girlfriend look at you like she wanted to eat you alive.)
after mingling a bit and getting yourself a drink, you meet up with some of your friends and start to talk to leah about some drama in one of her classes when abby rejoins you, moving your body so your body is resting into hers. you aren't used to such a public display of affection, but this alcohol is blurring any desire you had to hide that she was yours and you were hers.
"god, you guys are so cute together it makes me sick." nora laughs into her red solo cup, shaking her head at your adorable but annoying affection.
leah's eyebrows scrunch up and she starts to pinch at your arm. "wait, am i missing something? you two are dating?"
at that point, some other people were listening in and looking in at the two of you, including none other than owen moore. now, you and moore were always cordial, but you wouldn't call him a good friend like you would the others. you always felt that whenever he saw or heard about you abby spending time together or heard about how close you two had gotten so quickly, he would smile silently while staring at you like he wanted to burn lasers through your brain.
and he was doing the exact same thing now, his grip on his bear so tight you feared the glass would break. somehow you were the only one who noticed.
"yes, we're together. finally managed to convince this one that jocks aren't just big dumb idiots a few weeks ago." abby's talking breaks you out of your thoughts, her arms snaking around your waist and pulling you to sit on her lap.
you cant help but roll your eyes. "i never once said that."
"well you were thinking it. i could tell."
some of the people who you didnt know and who were friends of friends said congrats, how cute they thought the two of you were, etc. it kind of weirds you out to have all these people paying attention to you just because of who you were with, but abby's quips to any weird remarks you didn't want to acknowledge made you feel better about anything.
but later on, when the two of you are unseriously dancing in the living room, owen comes over and asks abby to talk in private, leaving you to dance with some girls you recognized from the last party. but after three songs pass and abby still hasn't come back, you get a weird feeling in your chest and decide to go looking for the two. you head upstairs and down a few hallways before you hear two voices in a heated argument, and after numerous visits to her games, you can recognize abby's yelling anywhere.
before you can knock on the door to ask if something is wrong, it opens and you see a red-faced owen, not even saying anything before he knocks into your shoulder and goes back downstairs, clearly ignoring your call of 'fucking dick' to his back.
you scoff and shake your head, turning back around to say something to abby before you slightly step back at the look on her face. its dark, like if owen didn't leave she would have kicked his ass first, and now it's trained at you. you know she'd never hurt you, though. partially because she cares about you too much, and partially because you always keep a taser in your back pocket whenever you go to a party.
"abby? what's wrong? did he fucking say something to you?
she laughs before grabbing your arm and pulling you into the room, shutting the door behind you and locking it. her long legs take seconds to reach the bed, her arm releasing when your body sits and bounces slightly on the bed as she stands above you.
"its...its nothing, just owen being a dick like always."
her voice is strained and her hands are tensing into fists, telltale signs that she was really pissed off. you hold her hands in yours, pressing little kisses to her knuckles. normally you hated being so sappy, but you knew that being cute with her was a quick way to calm her down.
"don't worry. i can guarantee one of these days someone is gonna kick his ass. unless i do it first, and you know i want to." you joke and smile when she laughs, gripping her hands so she can sit on the bed next to you.
"yeah, youre right."
"im always right. you should learn that if you wanna stick with me."
she shakes her head before looking at you in silence, and you feel your face get hot under her gaze. you'd never admit it to her but seeing her so angry really did something for you. the bottom of your leg rubs against hers, and her eyes dart down before trailing up your legs to the point where your skirt is starting to ride up your bare thighs.
"here, babe? seriously?"
you sigh, figuring she was right and having your first time together in some stranger's house during a party was horribly tacky. you start to move your leg before she grabs it and puts it on the bed before grabbing you and resting you in her lap.
"i didn't tell you to stop."
so yes, you did get tacky in a strangers house. and back in abby's dorm. and again after you both showered.
so if there was one thing you could ever thank owen for, it was finally giving you both the push you needed to take the next step in your relationship. but after that night things were a little strained, as abby and owen were on a no-contact basis, their fight having something to deal with them and maybe you although she wouldn't go into details, which just led to this drama also spreading to mel since she was dating owen and was always pretty neutral when it came to you and tense when it came to abby, and mel was close friends to leah who was now close to you and...
it was complicated.
but you were used to not having people around. you had abby, nora, manny, and tonya, and that was all you really needed. speaking of tonya, you don't think you've ever seen anyone as happy for someone else's relationship as you did when you told tonya that you and abby got together. she said it was 'half happy that you found someone for you and half happy that someone will finally get the stick out of your ass.'
but your bliss was partially broken when your mother called a week after you had your last finals to let you know she and her father were going to be visiting seattle to talk to you about something important. at this point you hadn't talked to either of your parents since winter when your dad had not so discreetly told you he would be on your ass about skiing again as soon as your leg was alright again. and you were definitely going to dread every minute you had to spend trying to cordial to them, don't even mention finally introducing them to your girlfriend who you so far had never told them about.
for a few days after the call, you must have been acting weird because abby could tell something was wrong and took you to a relaxing little cafe she had found when she first got to the city. you're sipping on a milkshake while abby does the same across from you, digging into her stack of blueberry pancakes, waiting for you to tell her what's going on while she talks about her schedule now that school is out.
"manny's gonna be gone for a month because of his music internship, so i was wondering if you wanted to come and stay at mine while he's gone. we can watch movies, dance to music, or we can practice those recipes i saw on tiktok."
"mhm, that sounds nice, babe." you continue to at least show minimal attention to what she's saying, briefly slurping at your shake until she speaks again.
"yup. but after that, i might have to leave for a while, i haven't seen my dad in forever and he wanted me to stay for two weeks while my aunt is visiting salt lake."
her words slowly die out when she notices how you stop slurping your drink, your eyes staring into space as your thumb scratches at your palm.
throughout your relationship, you had told abby the rundown of your relationship with your parents maybe once. at first, it was because it was a touchy subject and you would be embarrassed if she knew the reason for the way you acted the way you did and thought your baggage was too much for her.
and then it was because deep down you were jealous. they had their ups and downs, but abby had such a pure relationship with her father that sometimes it made you sick. while he didnt flaunt his wealth because of his principles, but abby would tell you about all the times when she was younger that her dad would give her the best birthday parties, take her with him to conferences around the world, and made sure she had anything she desired.
so when you had to tell her that the most your dad did was give you a break to be a normal adult instead of shaping you into a champion, you don't think there was ever a time that you secretly envied her more.
"this is about your dad, isn't it?" she whispered, reaching across the table to take your hand in hers. you nodded, relieved that your girlfriend could read you like a book and you didnt have to say it out loud.
"could you tell me more about it?"
shit.
you sighed, a deep breath leaving your body and clearing your head.
"my parents are gonna be here soon. said they wanted to talk to me about something "important", which means my dad thinks i've had enough time to recover from my leg being nearly snapped in two because he thinks he knows better than the doctor. but hey, maybe when i was gone he got another fuckin degree to throw in my face."
while you ranted abby never said a word, just paying close attention and providing you comfort. out of everyone in the crew, she was always the person people went to talk to when they needed it. she said it was something she got from her mom.
"all my life he's been like this. just pushing me and pushing me until im at the point of breaking until i use my anger to win. there's no doubt he's still doing it. heard my brother is being scouted at his games and he's only fifteen."
abby nods and presses a kiss to your hand, treading carefully with what she says next. "your dad sounds...horrible, honestly. he never...hit you did he?"
you feel your body jerk back and both of your eyes go big at your reaction.
"no, no he would never. im serious. wouldn't make sense from a logical standpoint, id be in front of other people all the time and any injuries would fuck up my skiing."
"well that's a bleak way of looking at it, but im glad he didnt. but the other shit is still bad."
"yeah. definitely not looking forward to dealing with that again in two weeks."
"i know, but im here, and im gonna stick by you every step of the way, alright? even if your parents find out they hate me and curse my bloodline."
you couldn't help but snort at her. "nobody could hate you, anderson. you would annoy them too much and make dirty bets against them."
"what? that wasn't a dirty bet! you'd just never seen my skills before and i used it to my advantage."
"whatever you say abs."
abbys reassurance and patience helped greatly, and by the time you met your parents at their hotel for breakfast, you weren't nervous about whatever bullshit they had to say.
but for some odd reason, they were very cordial. your mom asked you about school, how your grades were, and how you liked your chosen major. when it got to the point if you were seeing anyone, you not so subtly gushed about abby and she seemed really happy for you. your dad even praised you for picking another sportsman, avoiding your look while he ate his eggs.
a week later you even had the courage to introduce them to abby, who told you she would cook something for all of you to eat.
that tiktok recipe she was talking about? it was ratatouille. and you had to admit it was delicious, and you wondered how abby was so good at so many things and she told you when she was a kid she wanted to learn how to do basically everything and her dad was more than happy to indulge her. sometimes you really wondered how she didn't appear to be so spoiled.
but your girl was nothing if not a charmer, and by the end of the night your mom was gushing over how much she liked abby and thought she was a great match for you.
your dad was...your dad. he acted polite, asking abby about her intentions, if she was dedicated to her studies and sports and you at the same time. blah blah blah. abby gave perfect human resources-like answers that she knew would make you giggle and loosen up.
once dinner was over your mother insisted on staying a little while longer to watch a movie, finding out she and your girlfriend both had soft spots for mamma mia and grease and planned to drink some wine and let loose for once. while the two were watching meryl streep panic on screen your dad tapped you on the shoulder and asked if he could speak to you in private, and you were mentally prepared to get into yet another argument.
"i know i'm the last person who gets to say this but..you've seemed to have really grown this past year. I'm proud of you."
"thanks. i guess."
he sighs, shifting on his feet. "i know i've always been hard on you and your brothers. i just-i knew that if you had guidance you could be phenomenal at whatever you do."
"yeah, dad, but that doesn't mean forcing me to train for ten hours a day when i was still in third grade." you could list more instances of him being overbearing and partially ruining your childhood, but you don't feel like being the person who makes the conversation go sour.
"i know. trust me, i know. look, your mother has us going to a shrink and...one of the steps is asking for forgiveness and whatever mumbo jumbo."
you almost snort but pass it off as a sneeze. your dad in therapy was about as believable as a talking donkey.
"well, it's nice to hear dad but it's not gonna be just as easy as being nice to me and my girlfriend for a night."
"i know. which is why i wanted to show you this."
he pulls out and his phone and after a few taps shows you an article. you read the word 'olympics' and nearly blow before he cuts you off.
"just listen, alright? one of the big coaches was caught and fired for doping a bunch of the players, so they're postponing the winter games for another few years for investigations to see if there's any more misconduct."
"are you serious?"
"deadly. and i know with your leg and your schooling you'll have your hands full but, i figured the best way i knew how to bond with you was to help you. it'd be enough time to get extensive physical therapy and train up. but only if you want to."
"dad, i. i really don't know what to say."
"you don't have to say anything, at least not now. just promise me you'll think about it, alright? and if by next spring you still don't want to, I'll never bring it back up again."
after that, your mother comes and says they should get going to get enough sleep for their flight tomorrow, and you bid your parents goodbye with stiff hugs and a genuine smile.
for the next few months into your sophomore year your on the fence. when you were a kid, despite the pain and the tears and the bruises, there was nothing you loved more than skiing. you swear that the adrenaline rushes you would get speeding down slopes were better than anything you've ever experienced, even sex.
(when abby heard you say that one night on the couch, she pouted and wouldn't touch you for a week, telling you to go back to those stupid slopes if that's how you felt.)
but the point was that you were basically going through a beginning life crisis. either stick with the new normal you've created and potentially miss out on fulfilling your childhood dreams, or take a risk and potentially come out more damaged than before.
you were planning on spending the next thanksgiving mulling it over, but to your shock baby invited you to come with her to her dad's house for thanksgiving with her family. when checking in with her to see if she and her dad would be ok with this big step, she told you it was actually her dad's idea and she'd be more than happy to have you meet her family.
you swear to god you have never been more nervous on a plane than you were on the flight to salt lake, only being soothed by the constant free drinks you get in first class, the six hundred page book in your hands, and abbys large hand constantly rubbing on your thigh and back. you suggested that you both join the mile-high club as a joke and she seemed a little too into it.
"babe please, i promise ill be quick. i can even put my fingers in your mouth."
"abby, i was just joking. im not gonna do that and get kicked off the plane. god, you're so fuckin weird."
"you make me weird. pretty please? ill pull out the puppy eyes."
"i really don't give a fuck."
and you come to find out that abby's stories were true because her dad is so weirdly nice. he greets you at the airport like he's known you all your life, and is eager to find conversation the whole drive to his house where you both are staying.
you were glad that like you abby had a smaller family, or at least one she spent thanksgiving with. after her father you only had to introduce yourself to her aunt and her small family, a husband who you have to look down at and likes to boast about his coin collection, and three children. the eldest, ashley, was closer in age to you and abby and was clearly abby's favorite cousin. the middle child was a wild child named kris, who didn't seem at all phased that you were a stranger and kept asking you if you'd ever heard of their favorite anime series.
now, you've never been the best with children, you repeatedly told your mother to throw your baby brother in the trash when you were six, but you couldn't help but fawn over abby's baby cousin lyle, the cutest infant you've ever seen who after a few hours of fussing because of the time change, he calms down into a smiling drooling little thing who, although he keeps tugging at your hair when his mom hands you to him, seemed to actually enjoy your presence and laughs like its the funniest thing ever.
you didnt catch the way abby looked at you fondly while you were playing around with her cousin or the way she swatted her father away when he called her out on it.
so thanksgiving was easy, a peaceful week full of meeting kind people and eating some surprisingly good food. but you didn't even get a week of peace after before abby brought it up.
christmas.
yes the holiday was full of joy and warmth when you were a child. but after a mini teenage rebellion and your energy you just...gave up on the holiday completely. last year you spent it alone inside your dorm which wasn't the worst thing on earth. you got to watch corny feel-good movies like national lampoons, drink hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, and had free reign to the library since the librarian apparently used to watch your games on tv. it wasn't like it used to be, but it was enough.
"so, you're coming with us to the cabin right?" nora reaches across the library table and takes one of your fries from the fast food you sneaked in. for some reason she refused to order her own fries, content to pluck the ones from your container.
"what? what cabin?"
"god, abby hasn't told you about this by now? i thought she would have taken you there already and made it her love shack or something." she quickly ducks her head when you toss a burnt fry at her, looking around to make sure no one saw. "it's her dad's cabin at one of the ski ranges in the mountains, she invites us every year for christmas break or new years if we can't make it."
"first, you're a perv. second, i don't know why she hasn't told me about it. id probably tease her for it anyway."
"well when you see her next ask her, because you definitely have to come with us this year."
"i don't know, nors. you know how i feel about skiing right now..."
"you don't have to ski! we literally never do, as sad as it is. we just hang out, go out for drinks, and hit the skiing town. im telling you cold resort parties are insane."
you take a minute to mull it over, staring into space as you tap your fingers on the hardwood table. nora fingers tap on the top of your hand.
"i understand you're going through things, with your dad and all. you don't have to come if you don't want to. but i know we'd really enjoy it if you came, especially abby."
you nod and eat another fry before gegging back to the novel you were reading, some 'all-time classic' abby had said you had to read.
you saw abby a few hours after that, yet again staying the night at her dorm to kick off the following weekend. when you entered using your spare key the smell of chinese food instantly hit you, and it took you by surprise since abby normally insisted on cooking for you and manny.
you set down your things and kicked off your shoes before heading into the little kitchenette, hearing the sound of rather loud whispers that stopped as soon the roommates saw you, noodles stuffed into both of their mouths.
"what the fuck are yall starin at?"
manny snorts before making some weird excuse for leaving, telling you he's meeting up with some meteorology student at a bar and he won't be home until tomorrow. you bid him. a quick goodbye before turning back to abby, the blonde picking through her food.
its only then that you notice the gauze wrapped around her palm, quickly cross the threshold to gently but firmly raise her hand up to your face to observe it.
your about to go on a triade when you see that sad pout on her face.
"tell me who did this to you." you grumble, putting on a fake deep voice.
she chuckles and shakes her head. "you're so weird."
"only because of you. tell me what happened."
"i was trying to cook before we ordered takeout and i just...got distracted and burned my hand. its not a big deal, don't worry about it."
you tell by the way her shoulders were tensing that she was getting into one of her moods, always hating when she failed at something and hating even more when people kept asking her about it.
"well im always gonna worry about, something that's also your fault by the way. what made you distracted."
"nothing."
"abs."
"please just drop it."
"abigail."
she groans before slumping her head into her arms on the counter.
so you decide to drop it. at least for a little while. you put away the rest of the food, deciding to eat the box she bought for you after her mood had been resolved before figuring you'd leave her alone while you took a shower.
but if there was one thing you knew about abby, it was that she took 'golden retriever energy' to a whole nother level. aka most of the time she couldn't leave you alone and followed you near everywhere. after only a few minutes, you heard the shower door open and felt her large arms circle around your waist and her head rest on your shoulders.
"i wanna ask you something. there's this cabin my dad owns that we all head to for winter break and stuff-"
you felt your heart skip a beat. to be honest part of the reason you were nervous about abby asking you this was because you were second-guessing yourself and your relationship. you hadn't even been together for a full year at this point, and even if you knew you loved her and that she adored you, you didnt want to be the one to bring up this thing she does with people she's known for years and get your heart damaged.
"and i wanted to invite you to go with us because i just know youd make it feel so much more special."
"i feel like a 'but' goes at the end of that sentence."
she rubs her head into your shoulder more, kissing at the soft and wet skin of your shoulder blade.
"i didn't tell you much. about my fight with owen. but everyone knows we haven't been talking much, but he's still been my friend since elementary, and i was hoping that maybe during the trip we could resolve things. but if he ever said something to you or about you i think id go fucking crazy."
your turn around and hold her head in your hands. her body is still slumped so her head is more at your level and her pretty blue eyes stare right into yours.
"i appreciate that. your slight anger issues make me feel honored." a smile quirks on her face and she nuzzles her head into your palms more. "and as much as he pisses me off, i don't know how i feel about causing a greater rift between you and your friends. ive only been with you less than a hear, he's known you for-"
"year or not doesn't matter. you mean...so much to me i can't put into words. the only reason i was nervous all day was that i didnt know how to make this sound like i wasn't putting him before you because i wouldn't. ever."
you look at her a bit longer, swiping away wet pieces of her hair back from her face so you can see all of her. because she's looking at you like she can do the same.
you both take an intimate shower without a word, helping the other bathe and lather her hair in apricot shampoo she's become addicted to. once you exit, dry off, and change into some matching fluffy pajamas she bought for you both, you finally head back to the kitchen to eat your food before turning on a movie.
it was only because you both decided to choose some random movie that the stupid thought crossed into your mind.
"could you imagine if we were that touchy all the time? we're already halfway there and it drives your friends nuts." you poked her cheek while you were resting on her, her arm wrapped around your shoulders while your legs intertwined on the couch.
"what do you mean?"
"just like, overdoing it. always with an arm around the other, making eyes across the room. if you wanna get extreme you could carry me on your back."
"or i could carry you on my front."
the shift of her hips and the tone of her voice makes you turn your head to look at her, nearly busting out laughing at the way her eyes are glued to the screen while she chews on her lower lip.
"stop doing that."
"doing what? im watching the movie. watch the movie with me."
"this is just like on the plane. y'know i was kidding about the exhibitionist thing at first-"
"baby, please."
"please what?"
she groaned while you just giggled at her, moving your bodies so she was sitting up on the couch and you were on top of her, adjusting your hips so you were straddling her waist.
"what're you thinking about, bunny?"
a subtle whine escaped from her throat and you smirked in triumph. there was nothing your girl loved more than being called the softest and cutest pet names, and you would frequently use it to your advantage, like the time when she refused to help you cheat on a test 'on principle' and you rested your face on her thigh from under the desk with a 'please, princess?' and she happily gave you the answers after roughly grinding herself on your tongue.
"i just...maybe if we played it up at the cabin owen would finally fuck off and realize im yours. i just thought it'd be funny."
you felt a warm feeling in your chest at the thought, showing your girl all the affection she craved from you on an idyllic vacation while also showing that dick owen who's boss. maybe then he'd finally let whatever his issue with you go. or not. at this point you didnt care.
"ok. we can do it."
"what? are you serious? i was half joking. i don't wanna make you do anything you don't want to-"
you cut off her sweet rambles with a press of your lips to hers. her arms brought you in closer until your breasts were squished into hers.
when abby texted the group chat the next morning next to you in bed to let the others know you'd be joining, you couldn't help but feel warm at the replies.
manny : thank god, i need a drinking partner since no one ever wants irish hot chocolate
leah : because the last time you made it you got drunk by five pm and kept singing baby its cold outside while doing both parts
jordan : and badly
manny : haters
nora : omg thank god
nora : this is all because of me btw
nora : tell y/n we're gonna have sooo much fun
manny : wait is she gonna ski
jordan : stop.
you giggled at your friends' antics. you were already imagining all the crazy things that would happen on the trip and happily listened to all the stories abby had to tell you.
mel : cant wait for the trip! hoping ben's is still open.
owen : 👍🏻
a snort escaped from you. "oh hes so pissed."
"definitely." abby agreed before turning the phone off and snuggling into your neck to relax for a little while longer. "prepare, he's probably just gonna get angrier from our masterful plan."
"technically my plan. and are you sure you still wanna do it? i don't wanna drive a wedge between you guys."
"he started that at that party. either he's gonna deal with me changing for the better or im gonna leave him in the dust. now shush, im going to sleep."
your hand smooths through abby's locks as she drifts back into sleep, and you soon follow her into it, dreaming of pale snow and the sight of the slopes.
the nex two weeks before break starts you're horrifically busy, finishing up some tests while also buying and packing everything you'll need for the trip. which is really just an excuse for you to get a bunch of those cute thick sweaters you saw on ebay but that's neither here nor there.
once your last class was finished abby immediately called an uber to take you to the airport, citing that as the host she always headed to the cabin earlier than everyone else to fix it up and stock up on little things, everyone would need or forget like extra blankets and lots and lots of water. during the trip to the airport, waiting in the airport since you were both 'get there hours before the flight' girls, and on the flight itself, abby was telling you stories of the cabin and what has happened on the past few trips that you should know about.
apparently, the cabin (in aspen, which you teased her was so basic) was bought by her grandparents (more teasing) for family trips when her dad was little. but as his siblings got older and started their own families the trips dwindled down, until his parents decided to just leave the place to him, telling him not to sell it for anything since it was worth a fat load of cash by now. hed take abby and her mom there before she passed, and then once she turned sixteen told her he trusted her enough to bring her friends up there if they could.
"honestly, i think it was part of him being nice and feeling sad we didn't spend much time together then. we were still mourning and he was always working." she sinks into her first-class seat, sipping on her complimentary ginger ale can. "but we're better now, and i get to have a laid-back vacation with my friends every year."
"sounds like a win-win to me. traumatic way you got there and all."
"you of all people saying that is hilarious, truly."
a few hours of talking and napping later and you've landed in colorado, a rental car waiting for you in the airport parking lot.
"abs, you are so secretly bougie. like, why didn't you rent a private car that time yours was in the shop and we were stuck in the rain downtown?"
"it's for emergencies and the necessary."
driving through the roads of aspen snowmass is something close to magical. at this point, the sun has set and the twinkling lights of the villages are everywhere, and you can see a plethora of christmas decorations inside shop windows.
when abby parks outside of the cabin your jaw is close to dropping, and you have to hold it up once you step inside. there was obviously a lot of wood, making up the floors, walls, and beams that connect both. but it was also decorated with relaxed brown and cream furniture.
"i want you to know if we get married, im not signing a prenup."
abby cackles before sneaking up behind you and tickling your waist, cackling at your shriek followed by a scowl.
"'if' babe, really? nice to know you're so committed."
"i'll be more committed if you give me a tour of this place."
the cabin was big, of course. enough bedrooms for your whole group and a few more. you honestly couldn't pick your favorite. there was a game room with a pool table you were just itching to beat jordan and leah at, a hot tub outside on the deck looking down onto the village that looked like the perfect place to drink champagne with nora talking shit about her recent ex.
"now, this is what i really wanted you to see," abby smiles before pushing open a wide set of doors on the upper floor and revealing to you the grand bedroom. there's a giant bed against the back wall, with a warm little nook tucked into a bay window.
"it's so nice here abs, really. i can't wait for everyone to get here so we can start doing stuff." you drop your bags by the front of the bed and flop your behind onto it, loving the way it bounces you up and down a bit. and you can tell that abby also loves it by the way she's staring at the way your boobs jiggle.
"im glad you like it, baby. but we don't have to wait for the others to get here to have some fun." a pervy little smile lights up her face and she starts inching towards you, making stupid little grabby hands as she does so.
"you're insatiable. aren't we supposed to be making sure this place is ready for everyone else?"
"wasn't it your idea for us to play everything up for fun? that includes sex. a lot of it. strap-ons are allowed on planes, by the way. and other things."
"...seriously?"
"seriously."
at this point, her arms are caging you into the plush of the comforter, and you don't know whether to look at the veins in her arms or her eyes or her mouth-
"you're staring, pretty."
"well you're all i can see, gorgeous."
she presses a soft kiss to the underside of your chin, her tounge poking out to lick down your neck.
"god, abs, please."
"please what?"
you groan and she just laughs at you.
the hardest part of being a switch was that abby could just throw shit back in your face when she became more dominant. it was both infuriating and arousing.
“im not gonna say it."
"you sure?" her large hand slips beneath the band of your pants until its resting over your underwear, teasing you.
"yes i a-am!" your refusal is cut off when two of her thick fingers slide inside of you, filling you up in the most delicious way. it doesn't help your case that there's no restriction, the wetness between your thighs letting her know just how much you were enjoying this.
"y'know, your master plan isn't exactly gonna work if you have an attitude with me, baby." her words are gravelly as she speakes into the crease of your neck, occasionally looking up at you to ingrain your reactions into her memory.
"god, abs."
"this is one the things i love most about you acting like a brat, just means i get to fuck and love on you until it goes away. and i've got all the time in the fuckin world."
just when you start getting close to your orgasm, you could've sworn in the distance you heard the sound of a door opening before closing a few minutes later. the feeling of abby kissing you and adding a third finger inside of you. you decided to just drop it
later on, after a nice long shower and putting on this cute warm sweater you bought, you and abby decided it was time to head out and get enough groceries to last for around two weeks until everyone else would arrive and decide what meals they would want after. it was very entertaining to watch abby standing in a fluorescently lit market aisle decide if she wanted to make a giant chicken pot pie or some creamy chicken soup one of her teammates told her about. she just stuck her tongue out when you looked at her.
once you returned to the cabin you could hear some music coming from inside the house, and despite your initial worry abby just smiled and rushed inside, your brain seriously wondering if you had chosen correctly romantically.
you headed inside with a few of the bags, setting them on the kitchen counters before heading to the source of the music that appeared to be coming from the living room. once you cross the threshold you are happily surprised to see your girlfriend and manny talking and laughing in the middle of the room.
"ah! nice to know abs hasn't broken you already." manny comes over to give you a big hug before setting you down and shaking your shoulders, just laughing when you start smacking his hands.
"jeez, what is with you guys? be normal."
"you forget im abby's roommate. this is because of you. you gave me this trauma."
you roll your eyes before patting him on the shoulder.
"ok, ok. why did you come early? when do the others get here?" abby asks from her place still on the couch.
"what, i cant just come because i love and miss two of my best friends."
the room is silent as you both stare at him.
"well just so you know, that was half true. but also," he looks down a dark hallway before tugging you closer to the couch so he can speak quietly. "mel and owen are here."
you blink. "thats...odd."
"very odd, but maybe it's a good thing? who knows, maybe owen's gotten over the whole fight and wants to put it to bed." abby turns to you, those big blue eyes filled with hope that you don't have the heart to squash with a joke.
"yeah, maybe."
"well if he did do that, i don't think he's in the mood for it now." manny chuckles.
"why not?"
"he was confused to see a car in the driveway, so he came by two hours ago and left like two minutes later. his face was as red as a tomato, you know how he looks when he's flushed."
oh my god.
you turned to abby and her cheeks were puffed, a clear sign she was trying not to laugh.
well, it looks like your plan was already working.
the next three days were more laid back, just spent taking a chance to relax and sleep in after your grueling semester. you decided to spend these days exploring more of the cabin, admiring all of the rooms and the random really pretty art pieces on some of the walls.
you swore that nothing could beat the bliss you felt on that second day, waking up to the faint sun in your eyes and abby gently snoring next to you, deciding to cook up a bunch of waffles, one of the meals you excelled at, and read a four hundred page book on the sofa.
(the plan was still in motion at this point, just more tame.
once jordan, leah, and nora came things really took a turn for the exciting. after hearing that you'd been cooped in the house these past few days, leah insisted you come with them to some bars and other hot spots around town. you hadn't been drinking much lately but figured that since you were surrounded by people you trusted and a bunch of strangers you'd be able to handle yourself.
and you did.
for the most part.
you just weren't expecting the bartender to be the chillest girl you've ever met and make a killer strawberry daiquiri, because before you knew it they were playing some old-school song over the speakers and were hanging off of leah's arm like a koala.
"oh my god, im so glad you invited me out. this place rules. have you tried the daiquiris? serenity said she'd make me one more but you can have it."
"her name is trinity, and you're getting touchy. where's abs?"
you shrug and she shakes her head, looking over your shoulders to see if she can spot the hulking blonde. she waves someone over and then abby is in your vision, a soft expression on her face as she tugs your body into hers.
"how much have you had to drink, baby?"
"mmmm, not too much. i could walk in a gay line. look, i even made a corny joke!"
"yes, you did." she squats down a little bit and you wrap your arms around her neck and your legs around her waist, trying to restrain yourself from making any noises when she lifts you with ease to the amusement of some of the people in the bar.
"how about we head back and take a long bath, pretty. ill even try those rose face masks you bought."
you were about to agree when out of the corner of your eye you catch owen, sitting inside a booth with jordan and manny, sparing looks in your direction.
you smirk down at her and she can already guess what you're thinking, tightening her grip on your hips.
"or we can do that later. and dance now."
you nod and loosen your legs for her to drop you but she just holds you tighter for a moment, leaning her head up to place a heated kiss on your lips before pulling away, fighting to ignore the tiny string of spit that connects your lips to hers.
"ok. now we can dance."
abby told you the next day that owen had asked to talk to her one on one in the morning and she didn't really understand what it meant. he apologized for lashing out at her, apparently, but still didnt agree with some of the 'drastic changes to her personality' that were happening lately.
you really tried to promise her that you wouldn't cuss him out, telling you she'd handle it later after having a conversation with manny to figure out when the hell he started acting like this.
focus on tried.
you and nora were in the kitchen that night making cups of hot chocolate, taking the chance to top them with all the stuff you weren't allowed to as a child. also probably increasing your risks of cavities, but whatever, it was nostalgic. you were laughing at the absurd abundance of whipped cream in her mug and the three candy canes in yours when you heard footsteps coming into the kitchen, looking over to see owen looking over some things in the fridge.
you looked at nora. she looked at you.
"so owen, how are things going with mel?"
his hand pauses over some leftover noodles, gripping it with a fist.
"we're great actually, thanks for asking norsie."
noras eye twitches, bumping into your shoulder before leaving the room to rest in the kitchen and wait for you before starting a movie.
owen turns and suddenly its just the two of you. staring at each other. you with a three-caned hot cocoa and he with a tupperware of linguine.
"what's your fucking problem."
his eyebrows shoot up, almost like he wasn't expecting you to actually bring up the tension at hand.
"y/n, is this really the time-"
"yes, it is the goddamn time to ask you why you've been acting like a dick to me and my girlfriend."
his mouth quirks downwards and you nearly laugh at the realization of the words, the glances, how he would look at abby sometimes like a kicked puppy even when his damn girlfriend sat on his lap, it was all because he couldn't move the fuck on.
"seriously? that's the reason? you've been putting me, putting abby through hell because you're still hung up over her? this is my worst gay nightmare."
"it's because ever since she's been with you shes been different, always acting like she's some better person now that she's over me. like i was the thing holding her back. how do you think that makes me feel, huh?"
you stare at him after his quiet outburst, his face that signature shade of pink and his eyes enraged. but he doesn't scare you.
you walk closer to him, entertained by the way she avoids you like the plague, and presses his back into the refrigerator. you want to lash out more, to scream at him until your throat is sore, to whisper all the little flaws about him you've noticed over the past year that are driving everyone away, but you won't.
"i hope it makes you feel like the heap of shit you are. goodnight, moore."
when abby feels you snuggle into her later that night, feeling your hands squeeze into her stomach from behind you, she asks if everything is ok, and you press a kiss to her cheek and tell her to go back to sleep.
the next morning it's christmas eve, and everyone is in the dining room eating breakfast and talking about how everyone somehow has no plans when you make a suggestion for the day.
"i wanna go hit the slopes today."
you swear most of them look at you like you've grown another head that just started trying to sing the tequila song.
manny continues chewing his eggs before giving you a thumbs up, but you can tell he's secretly been waiting for this. after you first met he asked you if you've ever skied again after your accident and then dropped it when you gave him a death glare. but since you've gotten closer he knows more about how it's not that you can't ski, but almost as if there was a mental block that stopped you from doing so.
"uhm...sure. i can see if we can do that. are you sure you want to?" abby rests her arms on the table and leans her head into yours, trying to give a sense of privacy for your answer.
"i'm not made of glass, abby. it's about time i get back out there. its the only way i'll known for sure about what my dad said."
"what'd your dad say?" mel speaks up from the opposite side of the table, her hand rested over owen's on top of the wood.
you straighten your shoulders. "some stupid doping scandal got the olympics postponed, and my dad said if i wanter he thinks he could get me back in shape by then to apply."
"holy shit! i mean, it's your choice obviously, but that's cool as hell. i think you should do it." jordan exclaims, sipping on his orange juice through a straw.
"wait, what about your leg? you've only had problems with it a couple of times, but is it alright enough to go ski?" nora asks. she was the one who besides abby you've told the most about your skiing problems, and once took you to the pharmacy to pick up your pain meds like it was no hassle.
"it's better if i don't push myself too much, but the blue and reds should be a piece of cake."
you look at abby, and even though she has no idea why you've had this sudden change of heart, she can hear the subtle excitement in your voice and nods her head at you with a smile.
thanks to everyone always waking up at the break of dawn for some reason, you're checked in to the slopes and ready to go only three hours later. jordan and manny even decided to join you and try their hands at the bunny slopes, the rest of the group deciding to find somewhere to sit and relax while they watched you all.
"mama please, you're embarrassing me." manny groans while you tilt his head from side to side to make sure all of the straps for his helmet and goggles are secure. you weren't about to have him getting a concussion and blaming you for bringing him here or the workers for their sloppy job.
"no one knows better ski safety than me. now shush, I'm almost done."
once you were finished you gently smacked his head and headed to the side of where the slope ends, abby beaming at you from over the rail. she was wearing this cute little beanie she bought for the trip and this all-black bomber jacket that made her look so much bigger than she already is.
"hello? babe, did you hear what i said?" abby's hand waves in front of your face bringing you back to focus. you slowly blink and she shakes her head. "you're so weird."
"again, i get that from you."
"whatever." her gloved hand rests on your face and she brings you closer so she can press a soft kiss onto your lips. when she tries to pull away but your arms are wrapping around her neck and pulling her body into yours, starting an impromptu makeout session before jordans wolf call yanks you out of it.
her fingers reach up to push a strand of hair back into your helmet. "are you sure you'll be ok up there? if your leg hurts just pull over to the side and i'll try to come up and help you-"
you cut her off with another kiss. "i'll be fine, princess. don't worry about me. just worry about all those losers I'm gonna show up."
she laughs that cute and loud little laugh of hers and sends you off, waving to you multiple times when she sees you go up the lift.
once you are at the top you go over everything again, making sure all of your equipment is snug, the track in front of you is good, and your skis are tight and before you know it you're standing at the top of the slope breathing heavy and feeling like you're about to have a panic attack.
your head feels like it's on fire and you swear that you are close to passing out when someone taps on your shoulder. you turn around and it's some teen by his face unobstructed by the goggles, a go-pro attached to his helmet.
"hey, sorry if i'm being annoying but, you're y/n l/n right?"
you nod, hoping he can't see the strained expression on your face.
"i just wanted to say that i think you're like, so cool. i saw that video of you training for the super g at thirteen and it changed my life, seriously."
your head felt a bit better at the memory. the adrenaline you got skiing down slopes at top speeds and then dodging the flags your father asked the owners if he could put on the track to help you train. they were nice people, and even let you pick what flags you wanted. a mix of pink and black.
"thank you. i swore that training took everything out of me. but at least i didn't have to worry about how i was doing in algebra."
he laughs and bobs his head. he clears his throat before slightly hopping on his two feet.
"you ok, kid?"
"yes, yeah, i just... ya see i have this youtube channel where i post videos of me riding down the slopes, helping beginners, trying the harder slopes, and stuff like that." he taps the go bro on his helmet. "and i was wondering if you wanted to do like, a friendly little race? i don't know, you don't have to i know you're leg is probably still healing, i can just go if you wa-"
"i'll do it."
his eyes bulge, surprised at your answer. you have to admit you're slightly surprised too. you weren't planning on doing anything more than inching your way down the intermediate slope a few times, but the memory of the super g has energy suddenly rushing through you. besides, it'd be a nice distraction from everything else. your dad. owen. you.
when you both get to the edge of the slope, you let him know you'll give him a twenty-second head start before you follow. he nods, and a few seconds later you're skiing for the first time in years.
and it feels fucking great.
at the speeds you are going the wind is whipping across the unprotected parts of your face, the stinging cold keeping you focused as you turn around trick hills and get your legs used to the feeling of slight strain. but your legs feel fine, and that makes you feel even better.
before long you can see the kid ahead of you and your friends in the close distance, nora's red coat bobbing up and down as she cheers for you. only five seconds after you pass your fan and can hear his slight spluttering before you're bringing your skis to a stop and the ice is flying from underneath them.
your heart is pounding as the kid, who tells you his name is aidan, thanks you for 'kicking his ass, i swear it'll get so many views". he tells you he'll tag you, and you do him one better by saying you'll follow him back and you're a little scared he's about to have a heart attack before he leaves to check in with his parents.
"oh my god oh my god oh my god! that was so fucking cool! i really thought you were gonna wipe out there for a second but I'm glad you didn't." leah squeezes your body in a hug rocking you from side to side. "are you gonna go again? if you do i swear I'll put on some skis and go down the bunny slope."
you throw your head back with a laugh, imagining leah slowly going down the snow while pizza and french frying her skis. you bask in the compliments given to you by nora who was watching the whole time and manny who tells you he successfully completed the green slope with no falls or bumps. you feel the urge to talk to abby, to have her tell you she's proud of you when you see her near one of the equipment cabins, talking to owen.
"are you gonna go again or do you wanna stop for the day?"
you look at nora with a grin. "yeah, i'll go again."
later that night, after a few more hours of racing your friends and even seeing a few more fans who recognized you, even one lady who said she remembered you based on your form, everyone is headed back to the house to end the day after getting some drink from the community lodge
for some reason, abby hasn't talked to you since, and based on what you saw you're preparing for the damn worst. a small part of you knows you might be overreacting, that there's no way she would fall for the bullshit more had to say to her, but her avoidance of you isn't helping that little part take charge.
like she could read your mind, she's on your tail and following you into your bedroom, taking off her clothes as you do the same but still no word before you head into the shower. under the heat of the water, you rest your head on the wall and close your eyes to try to center yourself. you know abby, you know how much she's done for you. owen wasn't going to get in the way of that and you refused to let him.
you dry yourself off, brush your teeth, moisturize your body, and decide not to put on your pajamas and just this cute robe abby bought for you before leaving the bathroom. after turning off the lights you stop in your tracks, abby sitting on the side of the bed and staring at you.
your feet slowly carry you closer to her before she rolls her eyes and tugs you onto her lap. your face is neutral, even when you can feel the bulge inside of her sweatpants. you tilt your head and she replicates it.
"let me guess, you got an attitude again?"
"you're a fucking hypocrite."
"wh?" her face jerks back in confusion. "what are you talking about?"
"don't play fucking dumb with me abigail. biggest personal growth moment for me in forever and you spend it talking to your damn ex, who if you didn't catch it is still hung up on you, by the way."
"i know, just let me explain-"
"no, i don't want to know. if you're just doing all this as some fucked up way to let me down gently i swear to god-"
you get cut off when one of her hands moves from your waist to cover your mouth, her eyes drooping when you nip at her palm.
"stop it. you know i wouldn't do something that shitty to you, please stop being so paranoid." she waits to gauge your reaction before she decides that you aren't likely to cut her off, softly rubbing at the skin under your eye. "please don't cry."
"im not gonna cry."
"just wanted to make sure. because i care about you, and that's what i was letting owen know that when he was being a jealous dick about you skiing earlier. told him I'm this close to kicking him to the curb for good."
"wait really? what'd he say? i bet he was pissed when i skied over that stuck stump, probably wishes i rode over it and fucking broke my back."
"jeez, you really do despise him." she shakes her head, smiling and rubbing her hands on your thighs. "but yes, he was wondering if maybe now that you were fine to ski you were trying to upstage me or something."
"and do you? and why were you ignoring me?"
she sighed. "literally the opposite. you're just...so amazing, and funny, and talented, and i just know soon you'll be this olympian and wont wanna deal with me and my dumb ex anymore."
"i mean, i am amazing you're right about that," you brag, giggling when she pinches you. "but i'd deal with anything to be with you. i don't even have the words. i wouldn't have gotten on that slope without you always pushing me, despite how annoying i may find it."
abby's' face is beaming and suddenly she's kissing you like you're air, leaning back into the bed so you can hover over her. she stops kissing you just to move her ministrations to all over your face, repeating little 'i love you's' as she does so, reveling in the little hums that leave your throat.
"ok, are we done being sappy so we can fuck now?" your question ends in a squeak when her palm slaps your ass. you look at her with a glare and she just dopily smiles at you, gripping your hips to flip you underneath her.
"y'know, owen and mel picked the room right next to ours." she grinds her hips into yours, the friction of the strap rubbing against you heightened since your robe was riding up to show her bare cunt.
"god, you want me to be loud, don't you?"
"mmhm." she grins as her hand moves down to push the band of her pants down, the feeling of the toy grinding out forcing you to bite your lip to hide your moan, embarrassed by how quickly she could make you want it. her thumbs moves to pull your lip from between your teeth.
she continues humping you until she can see you're wet enough to slide in, looking for your nod to push the strap into you, groaning as it just slides in.
"y/n, we barely did any foreplay-"
"shut up, please shut up."
for some reason she takes that as a sign to start thrusting, reveling in your moans as they finally start to pick up volume. you try to bite the back of your hand when she pulls it away, holding it in hers and holding it above your head. the action is so sweet it almost makes you cry, instead thrusting your head up to press a sweet kiss to her lips.
"mm, love when you're all sweet like this honey. wanna stay like this forever, love you so fuckin much i swear to god." she accentuates her last couple of words with short but harsh thrusts that knock the breath out of your lungs. your orgasm is fast approaching at this rate, and she can tell by the way your eyes are fluttering and your hand is squeezing hers.
"you gonna cum? huh? gonna cum all over me baby?" you nod your head, not trusting the words and sounds that are coming out of your throat. she moves her hand down to rub at your clit and suddenly your stomach is pulsing and your orgasm is hitting you like a truck, abby's following after yours as she's groaning into your neck and thrusting harder to grind the base of the strap into her clit.
it takes a minute for both of you to calm down, the bliss overtaking the both of you.
"was...was that loud enough?" you whisper and feel her silent laugh on top of you, rubbing your leg over the back of hers.
she pushes her head up enough to look you in the eyes, and you really regret asking the question because she's got that dumb-ass smile back on her face and shaking her head.
only a few minutes later she's got you on all fours, leg propped up as she forces your hips back and forth on her dick. and then after that she makes you ride her, and then the position she knows you're obsessed with: her fucking you while standing up.
"a-abs! abby! oh my god!" your throat is sore as her fingers grip the meat of your thighs, the force of her bouncing you and thrusting her hips up getting you closer and closer to euphoria. your eyes are closed and your head is tilted back, doing anything to avoid the way she's looking at you like you're some goddess she's been blessed to witness.
"just a little bit more baby. cmon, tell me how much you love it."
"i do! fuck abby, love it so much."
"love what, honey? you can do it, know you can. god you're so perfect."
your mind is hazy with the feeling of the strap hitting that sensitive spot inside of you with every bounce of your hips and her words that you barely even register her demand, groaning when she bites at one of your tits that have been bouncing in her face.
"tell me what you love. please, please tell me."
"nghh, love you abby! fuckin love your dick so much!"
"that's it, thaaat's it pretty girl. let everyone you're mine, that i'm yours-"
you're pretty sure she kept talking after that, but the rush of your orgasm deafens every sound and lights your body on fire, only able to feel the high and the cum leaking down your thighs. you go in and out of consciousness but come back to when you're both back in bed, abby pulling you onto her chest and she rubs a soft hand down your back.
"love you." you mumble, snuggling into the warmness of her.
"i love you too, y/n."
"'m sorry about earlier."
"me too. promise that i'll tell you whenever i'm feeling down. or when i'm dealing with a douche."
"me too."
you get the best night's sleep you've had in years.
in the morning everyone seems ecstatic for the holiday, ready to share their gifts with each other after breakfast. you decide to join in helping to cook, which gets you a crazy accusation from jordan saying your helping is just 'sitting on the counter so abby has something to look at while you drink a mimosa". whatever. abby is standing between your thighs and talking to you about her new workout schedule when owen and manny walk into the room, manny bidding you a sly 'good morning' with a smirk as owen grabs water from the fridge.
"hey owes, can you hand me one?" abby asks, her fingers drumming on your thigh as she uses the other to catch the bottle he tosses to her with a polite smile. your eyes are following the action suspiciously before abby is for some reason keeping a grip on the middle of the bottle as she opens it so the liquid spurts onto a bit of her shirt.
"ugh, abs! wait a second." you start to move off the counter when she holds your hips down.
"its fine, babe. i'm used to things squirting on me, anyway."
your face scrunches up as you smack her in the shoulder, your face hot as you hear jordan and manny cackling like hyenas and owen chugs down his water. abby just presses a loud kiss on your cheek.
other than your friends constantly teasing you, nora whispering a 'love shack' in your ear when she walks behind you in the living room, the day really is perfect. when the sun sets everyone is exchanging the gifts they got for each other. leah got jordan some necklace he's had his eyes on, manny bought mel some earmuffs after hers broke a month ago. some of them teased you for having surprisingly thoughtful gifts despite having a heart of only half-thawed ice, making you only reply that you weren't past taking the gifts back.
and then you open the gift abby got you and nearly cry; a custom snow globe, inside two mini figures dancing on a mountain of snow, one wearing skis and the other wearing skates. the she almost does the same with the corny 'cooking for two' book you bought her and the limited edition version of her favorite novel.
its a night full of warmth and laughter, and once it ends you find yourself standing out on the balcony, looking out at the lit lights of the village and the lifts on the slopes. your phone is in your hand and you open the text messages to your dad.
tell everyone i said merry christmas. its going to take me time to mentally heal enough to train. but if you're willing to do it with me then i'm in.
"hey, it's fucking freezing out here." abby opens the slide-apart door and comes up beside you, wrapping her arms around you to look out at the view with you. "are you ok?"
you sigh, turning to admire her. the redness of her cheeks, the tiny snowflakes in her hair. the way she's looking at you.
you nod your head.
"i'm on top of the world."
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fics keep getting longer to overcompensate allah take me now. spent so much of yesterday aka my birthday writing this omg but it was so fun to write a more developed reader. uhhh idk stream cobra by megan.
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stevesbipanic · 2 years
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ok ok ok ive seen a lot of rockstar eddie and bodyguard steve (and dont get me wrong i LOVE that) BUT-hear me out- Rockstar Eddie Munson and his private jet pilot Steve Harrington 👀
Another awesome prompt from you ❤️
Steve had spent his whole life wanting to be free.
The life his parents had designed for him felt suffocating also too tight suits and stuff dinners and hopes for college just to work for his father, to be like his father.
The only thing Steve had liked about being a rich kid growing up was flying to new places. No, not going to new places, new places was just new people his parents wanted to meet. But flying, Steve felt no worries whenever he looked out the window at the clouds.
After his parents cut him off and put of their lives when he didn't get into college, no matter how much money they tried throwing at the problem, Steve had saved up working retail job after retail job with Robin until he had enough money for flight school.
He can remember clearly his first solo flight, he felt so free up in the air, nothing but him and the clouds.
Now 25, he flies private jets, or, more specifically, one private jet.
Eddie Munson had kept his promise of running out of Hawkins the moment that diploma touched his fingers. Him, Jeff and Freak got a dingy apartment in Indianapolis, working odd jobs for a year and playing in dingier bars on the weekend until Gareth joined them the following year. Then a few months after Gareth joined them full-time they got discovered at one of their gigs.
Soon they were signed, releasing their first album which blew up. After that it was a blur of concerts and touring and more albums. Now 26, Eddie Munson is a household name.
Eddie hated the tour bus lifestyle, always cramped and felt like his trailer but with Freak's snores and every pothole in the US to wake him up. Once the band was big enough, Eddie knew what he wanted, a jet.
The problem though was a lot of pilots were homophobic and Eddie had recently came out with support from the majority of his fans. The band went through many pilots before meeting Steve.
Eddie didn't recognise Steve at first, it had been a few years since he'd graduated and more since King Steve had been in his view. Steve recognised Eddie though, not often you forget the guy that made you learn the word bisexual.
Steve was kind now, softer, free. One drunken night Steve confessed how he hated being King Steve, how he wished he'd been better to Eddie. Eddie told him none of that mattered now, Steve was better now and that was what was important.
Steve and Eddie grew closer, sometimes Eddie would sit in the cockpit (a word he loved joking about) with Steve, telling him stories about their tours. Steve would share stories about working with Robin and the kids (who Eddie missed and was glad to hear were doing well) and flight school.
During the times between tours they'd talk on the phone, Steve bemoaning about annoying clients and Eddie telling him about the new songs he was writing.
"The woman kept trying to come into the cockpit,stop laughing you should be used to that word, E's, anyway I swear the husband was ready to kill me by the time we landed."
"The ladies just can't resist you, sweetheart."
"I just wish you were on tour all the time, I like flying with you."
"What if you just have me as a client?"
"You don't need to fly all the time, Eds."
"I want to fly with you all the time, Stevie."
Steve was 27 and he only flew Eddie Munson around. He didn't need to fly on tour all the time but after an incident with a client Eddie didn't want Steve flying anyone else and just paid him full-time, he could afford it.
"He's your flight sugar daddy."
"Never say that again, Robs."
Steve lived in an apartment near Eddie's now, not that he spent much time there, he mainly hung out at Eddie's. Movie nights, smoke sessions, Eddie showing Steve new songs, Eddie not admitting a lot of songs were about Steve.
It all came to a head one night. The two men were slightly tipsy, sitting on Eddie's balcony looking out at the city.
"I never thought I'd be here."
"If anyone deserves it it's you, Eds."
"I have a confession. 'Burning Skies' is about you."
Steve turned towards Eddie smiling softly.
"I know Eds, and I know 'Ticket to Ride' is too, and 'Death by Gravity', you're not subtle and unless you know any other people that fly around all day."
"But, but they're love songs, Stevie."
"I know Eds, I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."
Eddie was now smiling back at Steve, glancing down at his lips. Neither man knows who leant in first but finally, after three years of friendship, they kissed softly under the glow of the city lights.
"Does this mean I get to see your cockpit?"
"I will break up with you right now!"
They both laughed knowing Steve wouldn't, Steve may have felt free in the air, but he felt alive with Eddie by his side.
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dontloookatm3 · 6 months
Text
Reasons why I want to lose weight 🧌🧌
- to look like how i did last time
- so i can fit into all my old clothes
- so i can go shopping and be excited about the size im buying
- to wear tight dresses without needing a jacket to cover the nastiness up
- so i can go to yoga w my dad without being embarrassed of how gross i look
- so my parents stop telling me to work out more
- no double chin
- flat stomach
- hip bones, collar bones, bones
- to feel feminine and pretty
- so i wont feel nervous anytime a camera comes out
- to reach my full potential
- BETTER SKIN
- thighs that don't double in size when sitting
- when i curl up into a ball i might question whether or not ive fully disappeared
- so my extended family talks about how tiny i am again
- so i can get that dizzy feeling back
- to look good in baggy clothes, not like im hiding my body
- so my lies ive told ppl about my weight come true (lol)
- i can look like someone who has control
- people wont judge me when I am eating
- so i can work out in public without being ashamed
- I can get drunk quicker
- I can feel proud of myself
- so my ex friend is jealous (sorry im toxic)
- to have that comforting cold, empty feeling
- so i can date someone without feeling ashamed
- i wont be spending sm money on food
- to feel valid in my ed
- so people will worry about me
- tehee skeleton body
Reasons why I dont want to lose weight
- my brain will get foggy, my grades will get worse
- no more ass :(
- feeling weak
- bad breath
... i think its worth it
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safety-pin-punk · 9 months
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Hi!
I’m sort of still getting into punk and learning about everything. You’re blog has been really helpful with resources and everything. Plus your cool.
Okayyy, now my question. I’m a junior in high school and I want to go to college. Pursue further education and all of that stuff. Learn more about the world and critical thinking. But I don’t want to pay a ton of money to a bunch of old ivy dudes.
What’s the right direction to go in for this? Is college a good option if I want to learn? What schools are good places? Where do I learn more about this stuff?
Sorry if this is a lot. Thank you though!
Hey! Thank you for your kindness!!
First off, Im going to stress that you are a junior and you have PLENTY of time to think about this. So dont stress too much right now.
Secondly, I want to preface this with the simple fact of college isnt for everyone. There are SO many ways to survive and thrive in life without it. And thats okay, good even! That being said, this post is just gonna be me talking about college. Under the cut of course
OKAY! So, is college a good option if you want to learn? My answer is yes! I learned a lot at college, both inside and outside my classes. I learned a lot of life lessons, I met people from all over the country (and a few international students). And I learned how to challenge my own beliefs and try to see things from perspectives that I didnt even know could exist prior to college.
But Im sure you were referring to the educational aspect. And truth be told, this heavily depends on both your school and you. Some examples: My school had a phenomenal chemistry program. You couldnt walk out of that program without having learned things if you made it through. But my school also had a very poor fine arts program. And to be quite blunt, I often wondered why any art student chose to stay. But going even further, it depends a lot on the individual as well. I was admittedly not the best student. I wasnt that interested in lab or research compared to some of my classmates, nor did I apply myself as much. And the difference is clear to see when others could rattle off different solvents and what reactions would occur from memory and I would be sitting there dumbfounded.
Next question, what schools are good places? Again, that fully depends on what you want to go to school for. But I’ll tell you what I did and how I chose my school. When I was a junior in high school, I found a list of every 4 year university in my state (I knew I wanted to stay in state, but you can do this for wherever you want to go). I then went through and gave each school a ranking out of 5 (based on vibes, chemistry program, education program, cost, and surrounding area). Once I had it narrowed down to only a few schools, those were the ones I toured. And I chose where to send applications from there.
Though, I cant stress enough how beneficial community college can be. A lot of people get all their gen eds out of the way either before they enroll in a university or over summers. Doing this will save you money and time. Literally not a single person on a university campus would look down on you for this. If anything, they will praise you for being smart. I took a few classes over the summers between semesters just to get them out of the way (and also avoid certain professors).
Where to learn more? Google. Google schools near you. Google schools where you want to go. Google schools ranked nationally in xyz. Google affordable universities. Google universities that have good financial aid programs. Just google so many things. From there, spend time exploring university websites. Read about their community and their academic programs. See if they have virtual tours uploaded. Check out their student activity board social medias to see what it would be like to be there as a student. Sign up for tours. Do an overnight visit if you can!! Or even, just walk around the campus without a tour guide
Best of luck to you on your academic journey! Hope I was a little helpful here
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Text
𝕽𝖆𝖒𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖆 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖓𝖊𝖗
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pairing: Eddie Munson x gn!reader
synopsis: Your boyfriend Eddie is very.. very high.. but the conversations you have when he's stoned out of his mind are always memorable.
warnings: drug use, Eddie being baked as shit, bit of fluff.
word count: 891
If you'd like to be added to the tag list please check out [this post]
"Do you think... if we jumped high enough.. we could float off into space?" You sputtered, choking on your soda as you whipped your head around to stare at your boyfriend. It wasn't entirely out of the ordinary for him to ask random questions or rant about nonsensical things when he smoked- but it had been quite some time since he'd been stoned enough to say something so.. well, wild. Eddie was pretty good at holding his own when he smoked, you considered him a seasoned pro.. the only man you knew that was able to smoke an entire joint to himself and not be sick to his stomach or passed out on the couch afterwards. He wasn't a lightweight by any means, so when these conversations sparked up it was only a little bit of a surprise to you simply because you never knew when they were going to happen. You had been sat on the couch in his trailer just listening to music and enjoying eachothers company, you had both smoked but with the sudden topic of floating off into space it was very apparent that for once Eddie was far more baked than you.
You couldn't contain the giggle that escaped, leaning forwards to set your soda down on the coffee table before you looked back over at him. He was just staring at you, brown eyes slightly reddened from the high- lips somewhat parted as he anxiously awaited your answer. "Eds.. I don't think that's possible. Gravity and all?" You vaguely motioned around your head almost trying to further prove your point though it really did nothing to aide you. He just looked down for a second, nodding a few times before looking back up at you with the same bewildered expression. "You sure? Cause I feel like if I tried hard enough I could definitely fuckin jump to the moon or something, yknow?" Again you just giggled, shaking your head at him as you leaned back into the couch resting your head against the backrest to stare up at the ceiling. "Eddie I don't think you can jump to space but if you do- grab me some rocks while you're up there."
His face split into a wide lopsided grin, shoulder knocking against yours as he mimicked your position to stare up at the ceiling as well. "I'll grab you so many fuckin rocks babe you won't even know what to do with all of em." Quickly he raised his arms, fingers spreading out for a moment as he watched his rings shine beneath the light. "I'll bring you all the best rocks money can buy- wait.. do you think they have a different currency on the moon?" Suddenly he was shifting his weight, body craned towards you with one arm resting on the back of the couch. Slowly you raised your head to look up at him instead, arching a brow as he continued to speak. "Like moon money or something.. I gotta get my hands on some moon money so I can get you the best fuckin rocks up there. I don't think the nice ones are cheap yknow?"
One look at his face told you he was entirely serious about this, droopy eyed and stoned out of his gourd yes.. but entirely serious. You just smiled at him, leaning up to plant a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. "Eddie- I don't need moon rocks." The look of confusion on his face almost sent you into a giggling fit as he recoiled a bit and just stared at you in shock. "YOU DONT WANT THE ROCKS!?" He honestly looked offended almost, jaw slacked as he just continued to stare at you in utter disbelief. "No I don't want the rocks but-"
"I thought you liked rocks.." His expression dropped, lower lip jutting out into a subtle pout as he shifted to face you entirely now sitting cross legged on the couch. "I do like rocks but-"..."Well then why don't you want the rocks!?" He cut you off, throwing his arms up before slouching sideways into the couch. "Why don't you want my fuckin rocks? I worked hard to get those man. Blood sweat and tears- I sacrificed so much to get you those rocks." You didn't know how the storyline switched from him getting you the rocks to him already having the rocks but you didn't stop to question it, only sliding your hands into his as you smiled at him as sweetly as your foggy stoned brain would allow. "Okay, okay.. I'll take the rocks."
"Good!" He beamed down at you, moving in to brush his lips against yours. You sighed against him, melting into the soft kisses for a few minutes before he pulled away. You always loved these rare moments, every new wild conversation being locked away in your memory never to be forgotten. He of course remembered these interactions as well, and while the first few times he had been embarrassed he quickly learned that you absolutely loved them. As you both settled into the couch, Eddie pulling you onto his lap with a content sigh, you decided this was by far your favorite conversation you'd ever had with him to date.. next to the conversation about how if Gremlins really existed we probably wouldn't even know they were there.
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ang3lxwrldd · 2 years
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reasons to push to my ugw
so i can be skinny
to be given the jealous looks
people asking me how i did it
to be able to wear whatever i want and having it look good on me
wearing xxs/xs clothing
people complimenting how i look
changing the way i look
being happier with myself
being able to feel confident in a bikini
being able to eat a cookie without worrying i will be fat
to look in the mirror and love what i see
to take pictures of myself and look good
having people say “body goals”
for the tiny wrists.
to not have to worry about being a “normal weight” again
a pretty thigh gap
to wear crop tops without worrying about my stomach
to boost my confidence
to look good in my dream style
to be envied
to be seen as inspiration
to run and not feel the fat jiggle
to have a more defined jawline
to not hate my thighs
for size small clothes to fit oversized
to look good in body conn dresses
to feel accepted by society standards
to be happier with my body
to not feel super fat all the time
to have lean legs
to look cute in shorts
to be told im “too” skinny
to experience “skinny privilege”
to feel cold in summer
to see my ribs
for people to worry about me
to have control over at least one thing in my life
to never be the “fat” friend 
to not have to worry when being carried
being able to lean on “him” without worrying im too heavy:/
being able to wrap my fingers around my arms
for baggy clothes to actually look good on me
to be the smallest in the room
for all the jealousy other girls will feel when they see me
to be the center of attention
to not be asked to stop eating cause its late
to feel super light
to be told i look different
so i dont have to cry about my weight anymore
to be smaller than everyone who’s ever talked shit about me
being able to be mini
knowing i eat less than others
fitting into clothes that my friends cant fit into
for xs skits to be too big on me
needing to get my clothes tailored because they’re too big
to be the “winner” against others with eds(this ones kind of toxic ik:/)
to be able to pull off mini skirts and having long thinspo legs
to be proud when i step onto the scale
so my thighs dont touch when i sit down
relatives asking if ive lost weight
not feeling lazy 
for people around me not to tell me maybe i should eat less
to be lighter than one of my friends thats lwk thinspo
no double chin
the compliments<333
not having to spend my money on food
losing my period
to be the skinny friend
visible bones
to feel weightless
for people to say “wow you’re so light”
not to have to worry when i sit on someones lap
to look like tumblr thinspo girl
to wear low rise pants and feel confident
to be known for being “healthy”
for people to say “thats all you’re going to eat?”
for my stomach to shrink so i feel full after a small portion
to finally get the attention ive always wanted
to finally feel like ive proved myself
to finally feel so weak that i faint from malnutrition 
to have pretty thin fingers
to run out of breath from doing easy tasks
to be treated like im delicate ~like a doll
pretty collarbones omlll
for my stomach to shrink where i cant binge anymore
to be able to wrap my hands around my thighs so they touch
to look like THAT girl when im on vacation
for a pretty neck that looks amazing with small necklaces
to finally feel disgusted with junk food or greasy food
even though i dont like skinny jeans, to look good in them
for the tightest bracelet settings to be loose on me
for my hands to be cold all the time
to see my shoulder bones
for one size clothes to be baggy on me (like brandy melvile)
for girls to ask me how i did it
to have that small snatched waist
to know i finally beat hit my ugw after so long
to feel like i finished something.
to feel good enough
to be perfect.
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renamusing · 4 months
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couldnt watch ed live today but im all caught up now. i can't believe we are living in the times of saint cain. cain is one of my favorite characters and despite everything that is going down between him and aaron rn im actually rooting for him because, in his own way, cain is the only one in that family who is trying to help/figure out what's wrong with aaron. ofc he can't do it because [plot reasons] but what i really can't stand is moira and charity and everyone else going around calling aaron low life and psycho and wrong'one knowing perfectly well aaron's history. the hypocrisy levels are just through the roof. if it wasn't for aaron taking the mick and answering back with some unfiltered rude shit to make me laugh, i would be going mental because these people are even more deluded than i am lol
i dont think aaron's family understands how desperate aaron is to take control of his own life. all his major losses were beyond his control. robert's sentencing, liv's death, not to mention all the other smaller tragedies that happened to him. he keeps saying he doesnt answer to anyone and that he wants to be left alone, but he keeps being misunderstood & guilt-tripped into doing as others want him to. cain & caleb brought him home against his will, kept him locked up in a shed, then took his money without his consent. chas & paddy continue to dangle eve in front of him like a carrot, letting aaron see her only when he does as they like. aaron literally has no agency over his own life. and yeah, it might be bad writing, but this fight with cain made that more clear than ever. he has no purpose, no one to care for. no sister, no husband, no son. he is clinging to what little control he can have and instead of people supporting him, they are smothering him again and trying to control him because they know aaron is his own worst enemy.
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apostatehamster · 7 months
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Watched OFMD, I have thoughts and feelings, and here be my outlet, whoopee. Spoilers, livewatching ramblings and screenshots ahead
Oh yeah Izzy focus, because I am me :)
Ep 6:
The episode had a villain of the day and I thought that was funny. Just some random guy who got jealous because Ed broke a record jkfhjk. Chill out, man
I've wanted Ed and Izzy to talk again for episodes but -
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Bro, he confessed his love to you and you shot him down like a dog. Then knowing he loves you, you wanted him to end your life, which he refused. He tried to end his life instead, stripped of all meaning in life. You do not fucking get to be snappy with him, you were supposed to be the first one to talk,. Yes I am bitter, shut up- Kudos for Izzy being the bigger man (heh).
The drinking issues continue, i see :( "I thought you were Roach" hjkdfhkjl sur
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Well, he managed to say the word Sorry at least, that's more than the crew got. I know he is working on the apologizing but. Oof man, it still needs work.
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fucking love the crew but especially Archie, I think she's a great addition. Just good chaos. Also lmao Roach
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Fang is so precious to me, you do not understand-
Everybody: AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEE CALYPSO BIRTHDAAAY
Everybody is just adressing Stede as their captain. Frenchie's eyes nervously flick to Ed from time to time though. Ed just heaves in annoyance. This guy really just hates his life atm. He's the most disconnected from the crew, like they tolerate him but his only social contact is Stede basically. And somewhat Izzy. Speaking of, it feels like a role reversal to season 1 where Izzy was the one kind of isolated on board
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idk why but the way he said "that"Oh." absolutely made me lose it- What emotion was that. Nobody nose
Ed, seeing two kids: "Here's a lot of money. Also here's a knife. Stab anyone who gets close to the money" Me: he'd be a great dad-
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idk just LOOK at her, ugh. QUEEEEEEN
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Love Feeney for having that idea. Love Izzy listening to this and thinking "...you can just. do this?" and then picturing himself like that next to feeney. We love the self-discovery and self-expression
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I just love them, your honor <3
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He absolutely fucking killed it man and I need to look at ref pics to draw this because holy shit what a look
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my favorite guy and his two support pals <3
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Love the way Stede's face goes from "ehh...?????" to "awww..." within seconds. Love the way Fang starts clapping immediately after like one Note of singing (honestly same) Love Izzy just casually grabbing for Calypso/feeney's hand and turning the whole boat into his stage. You stole the thunder you little drama queen. But man he can SING T_T it's so soft..... and a love song....
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The throuple hugging..... and also wth Fang and Roach have going on. I love the crew....
And the wonderful singing gets interrupted by... Cannonball and torture!!
OK Ed stepping in front of stede to shield him is cute
Ed continues to look annoyed and pissed off at everything that is happening in his life. Fair enough, I mean he wants to leave the pirate life behind but his pirate life keeps catching up with him
"Struck a chord" haha music pun
Roach laughing "I dont think the torture has begun yet :D :D :D" are you okay, my guy hsdjkhsdjkl???
*they're about to be tortured* Izzy: "It's just gonna turn me on." Ffs Izzy you little freak lmao
Lucius and Pete celebrating their honeymoon for a whole day, that is. impressive and lowkey concerning hjkshdjk
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this was just. a nice frame. okay-
This season has a really mixed vibe inbetween funny and dark. Like, this ep is very artsy but they're also being tortured, i almost felt like I was watching a bit of Hannibal
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If you think I am going to make this about Izzy, you are absolutely right!!! (I guess Ned and Maggie are Captain and first mate too, so I am definitely drawing the parallels) Because I think most of the issues between Ed and Izzy stem from Ed seeing him only as his First Mate and not Izzy, to the point where Izzy wasn't a person anymore. And now that Ed doesn't want to be a pirate anymore, the First Mate following around is a thorn in his side, and he fails to see the loyal friend underneath the front of the First Mate
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Live Mutiny reaction
Ned not caring about whether Maggie dies, because she deserves death if she can't do her job (tie a proper tie). Yeah I am thinking about Ed shooting down Izzy and replacing him immediately. "You're mercenaries, you don't have feelings." Yeah, hm.
Stede is an absolute handsome charmer in this season, I gotta say.
Izzy absolutely flinching in panic as LuPete kick in the door. My man has PTSD (like the rest of the BB crew probably)
"We got engaged" Everyone: Awwwww :)
Ned: "You used to be a killer" Hm not so sure about that. Not the way everyone thinks at least. I am actually not sure if Edward ever killed anyone after his dad and the one person during the raid. His flashbacks were of these two murders at least (and the almost murder of izzy) so I am guessing there weren't anymore off screen murders?
Ed giving absolute zero shits about Ned's taunting, but Stede steps in, my man is manning up.
I find the difference between Ed and Stede so fascinating. Ed, who feels like his whole life went downhill after he killed and who wants to run from his life as a pirate, versus Stede who has been taunted for being weak, who wants to prove his strength and become a proper pirate. They are progressing in opposite ways.
"See, that's why he likes you. Because of your bumbling amateur status" I wonder if Ed feels like he corrupted Stede, sort of like Stede was afraid he ruined Edward at the end of season 1.
Izzy the killer being like "Give him a minute. First kill is always a mindfuck." and Edward going to check on Stede anyway, makes me wonder when Izzy first killed. If it was for Edward or if it was on his own. And if it was for Edward, if he checked on him, because I think probably not. And judging by the way Izzy stares into nothingness as Ed goes to check on Stede... yeah, no.
EMOTIONALLY LOADED KISS AGAINST THE WALL!!!!!!!!!! hell llloo
Can't help but feel sad tho with Izzy continuing his love serenade as Stede and Ed make out. Singing about how "It's only him for me, and me for him for life. He told me, he swore to me, for life." while the guy you're in love with is hooking up with another. I swear if the ring he wears around his tie was a promise form Ed I'm gonna be so devastated, I really really hope it isnt. :')
Fingie sand footsies gdfgjh LET'S FUCKING PARTAAAAAY
OK will continue in another post for episode 7 because I can't post so many pictures
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4n4q · 8 months
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hi
i am finally back:) its been a while haha. im gonna (trauma?) dump a bit here so if you dont wanna read it then dont read it this is mostly for me.
tw - dr^gz, p1llz, 3at1ng d1s0rd3r, n3gl3ct
so i just logged back into this acc and the last time i posted was the day before i had to leave my dad bc of his relapse.
my dad was pretty much neglecting me and my brother and he was barely home, which was great for my ed but not really for anything else. i also wasnt going to school and over all i was in a pretty bad place. then he and his girlfriend took a bunch of drugs and it was just chaos. i had to take care of me, my dads girlfriends daughter and the dog while my dad and his gf were out doing god knows what and the house was a mess and the dog wouldnt stop barking bc she was scared. it was bad for a couple of months but it was like suuuuper bad the last three days. the night before me and his gfs daughter stayed up until like 4 am trying to get the dog to stop barking and my dad came home a couple times totally out of his mind on drugs and he did a bunch of weird things like putting food in the oven and the forgetting he did that and then saying he already made food and then naming the food he made like four days before that. when we finally got to go to sleep my dad and his gf still werent home and we had no idea where they were. the morning after i got woken up at 5 am by a call from my dads gf and she asked me to throw down the keys bc they didnt have any (my dad had already taken my keys and his own keys bc he had forgotten where he put them the night before) so i got out of bed to do so but then they called again and said they got let in. they went into our apatment and his gf was screaming and saying a bunch of stuff abt my dad being a junkie and she was saying that she didnt care if the kids woke up and that he stole her meds. then she told her daughter (who was now awake obvi) that they were going to leave and that she had to pack her things. she then proceeded to take all the pills in our house and dump them out on the floor in our apartment and in the hallway. she screamed a bunch more and then she left (i was in my room so im not sure) and so i called my mom and i didnt have any rides on my busscard and my card was conected to my dads account so he was the only one who could put money on it so i had to meet up with a family friend who lived nearby to be able to go to my moms. i started packing my clothes and then me and my brother left. we couldnt take my dads gfs daughter with us cuz she had a foster home where she lived and yea (her mom didnt have custody over her she was just visiting cuz her mom got like phsyco mad if she told her she didnt wanna see her anymore). after i got home i later got to know that my dad had driven his gfs daughter to the place she lived at (yes while he was still on drugs) and he had forgotten abt the dog but then my mom called and reminded him so he went home and like gave it food and stuff. then his gf got back and got mad at him for driving her child to her home so she made him drive her there and she beat up the mom who was taking care of her child. she then went to the police and told them she had been robbed. (the kid is living with her 20 smt sister now and her mom is not allowed to see her so yeah shes okay now)
i later also found out that one of them had switched my adhd meds for something else and they dont remmember anything so were not sure who or with what.
so yeah that was my trauma dump! im okay now so yea i just wanted to rant a bit ig? im not living w my dad anymore and my mom is really amazing:) but im back on my ana bullshit now! and the only downside abt living w my mom is that she actually cares lol
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thepaperwizard · 8 months
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tiny tw for ed's
I need to vent a little about my housemates bc i love them, i do, and also i love making food for them, and they're all amazing friends. I would marry every single one in a heartbeat, im not joking.
And also, I have some food and disability needs, and about two or three times a week at least i get something or prepare something that than is completely eaten either the next morning or a few hours later. And thats okay, but usually they dont let me know were now out of that thing, and they dont safe stuff for me, and now I have to rethink all my meals for today and i cant stand up for very long to go grocery shopping (again) or prepare new stuff from scratch. The grocery money is also kind of piling up. Like i share the costs with my partner but i feel like our housemates dont buy anything except for the soymilk they drink, and the other day my partner bought like 10 packs of soymilk so not even that anymore.
I do say things about it but they keep interpreting i as that Specific thing like if i take this specific thing out of the freezer for the next meal, and they eat all of it before that meal, Then i want them to tell me theyve eaten it. But then they dont do it for any other item.
Anyway i got a bunch of bakebreads for this week for easy meals yesterday evening and this morning it was all gone. Like they told me they had baked a lot of bread if i wanted some, i said yes, i went to pee, and when i came back theyd eaten it all and also no bread was left.
Im not super upset about the individual things but it keeps happening and i feel like its derailing my whole internal mealplan more often than is healthy for me.
Cant wait to live on my own in a few months
Going to ask my housemate to do groceries today, feel like that is a good solution for me to the "i need food" and "i dont feel supported" and he is super okay with doing housechores when i ask him.
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arttrampbelle · 9 months
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Srry for the very heated. Very real. Very raw. And cery fucking angry vent below. Im sick of this shit in the mortal kombat "fandom" on here.
Cw: vent. Im Really fucking angry.
gonna ignore the trash heap dumpster fire that is the mortal kombat fandom and write my own mk stuff.
Thats the only mk that exists. The mk in my brain n heart.
Sorry not sorry but mk sucks now. Ed boon legitimately doesn't know or care to listen to the real fans. (He had the audacity to basically say street fighter was outdated when he hadn't done anything worth a lick of fucking damn in 30yrs that was decent and didn't backtrack on. Gameplay and story. Fuck off ed boon you boomer pathetic ass peice of trash. Go suck a fat dick n die. Fr.)
Oh yeah and called street fighter anime like when wtf is he doing making all the characters look so damn young like that sus af boon. Real sus.
Nrs has their egos so far up their asses. And so do these new "fans" who don't bother to care because they wanna just fuck a fictional character. (Dont get me wrong. I self ship,i love the characters too. But i actually have a working brain to know. There is more going on then whatever the fuck im oogling at you twats! Like fucking stop looking at your pathetic blorbos for five fucking seconds and look at the bigger picture here! Thirsty ass bitches. God damn. )
So yeah. Any mk stuff from mortal kombat is gonna be my own writing. So nrs can suck it. New fans can suck it and fucking die in a dumpster fire. They can kiss my whole asscheek.
Fucking ruined scorpion. They will fucking pay for that. Fucked over everything and everyone.
Kung lao. Got fucking nerfed....AGAIN!
Raiden reduced to bitch boi.
Liu kang need a say more?!
Shang tsung. A pathetic welp. Wtaf?! Also why tf is kronika back?! That absolutely makes no sense. Period. Yup. As i suspected. They lokified him. The fans are not villain fans unless they look "pretty" enough for them. Grossly making him like a teeny bopper. Like wtaf is wrong with y'all?! Shang tsung isn't supposed to be a fucking babyface. You weirdos!
Shao kahn. A diablo genshin impact villain rip off.
All the women have same face syndrome. Looking like kim k Instagram models. Gross. Like im sorry. They all look gross and dehydrated to me. All the same body types. All "conveniently attractive". Yeah. 30yrs and they still have yet to make a character look "average" or a character with a larger body type,fat character that wasn't a joke character or thrown to the side. Cant ever make the women normal looking. Nope gotta appease the loser men with porn models. And anyone who is a woman who falls for that shit. Thinking its hashtag girlboss doesn't help this. No. What would be. Is actually hiring and PAYING actual real woc models and voice actors to be in your games. But nope.
Nrs is lazy pathetic pos guys. Who just want money.
All the asian guy characters look like they took Lewis tans face and copy cut pasted it. Fr. They dont look good. At all. They do not look like they have any personality. Period.
Johnny is the only one that is different. Ofc the only white guy is done decent. Because they cant of course fuck up their precious little white dude to project their insecurities on. (Course they did fuck him up because everything thqt made johnny special is now gone. He just some douche who looks like jc)
The shokan are tiny af. Pathetic. Weak. Ugh.
And they wanna disguise this horseshit as something groundbreaking when it's not really. Most fans are not gonna pay and arm n a leg for a shitty game that you guys legit fucking ruined integral lore to.
All hiding it behind "oh but its a new world" no honey its a entirely new game Franchise only using mortal kombat in name brand alone.
Its not even mortal kombat anymore.
ITS SOME PATHETIC ASS DUDES FANFIC FROM A DC FANS BASEMENT ON WATTPAD.
So yeah im pissed.
So anything from me. Mortal kombat related.
Will be from my own writing.
Until nrs can actually pull their heads out their ass and clean house.
I wont be buying anything official from them. Like merch n games. They can suck it. All movies will be pirated. Etc.
I will play the shit i have,and watch and stick to the 95 movie n be done with it.
Fucking hell. They ruined scorpion!
Im just pissed.
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cthonicascendant · 10 months
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How do special interests work in your system? Do you all share them, or have individual ones? Or a mix of both?
Speaking of, what are some of y'all's special interests?
Do you stim? Do you share stims or do different members have different ones?
Do you remember your first special interest? What was it?
«ok, this got a bit long because most of our current pilots wanted to share, so i'm gonna put this under a cut.»
How do special interests work in your system? Do you all share them, or have individual ones? Or a mix of both?
«it's a bit of a mix. some of them are shared between a few hivemates, others seem to be individual things? for the most part we lean towards collecting items related to our special interests, or learning about them (which is really just collecting knowledge lol).»
Speaking of, what are some of y'all's special interests?
«one of mine is marshmallow peeps. specifically the yellow chicks; i don't care about any of the other colours, flavours, or shapes. i will, however, accept gifts of peep chick shaped items regardless of colour because most of the non-marshmallow items feature the bunny for some stupid reason. i don't know why; it's called a peep, bunnies do not go peep.»
yarn an yarncraft5 haVent engaged vvith that one much recently becau5e it5 been too fuckin hot to knit much an the yarn keep5 5tickin to my 5kin but al5o axolotl5 5eahor5e5 really ju5t aquatic life in general if you vvant to make me happy take me to an aquarium i dont remember a lot a fact5 about the animal5 i ju5t like vvatchin them an pettin if there5 a touch tank
Tarot in ∫pecific and cartomancy in general! :) We have a ∫mall collection of deck6, pretty much all from Crow and Void∫ong'6 attempt6 to learn how to read tarot card6, and I would like to add more when we have the money for ∫uch thing6 again. My favourite out of the one6 we have i6 the Alleyman'6 Tarot - it remind6 me of my "eclectic" deck from my ∫ource, ∫ince that deck wa6 al∫o a mixmatch of card6 of variou6 provenance.
>.architecture. .i unfortunately do not get to indulge in this one much because it bores the others. .one of my favorite eras of earth architecture is art nouveau; it's very elegant. .we didn't really have anything like it back in the alternian empire.<
Quantum physics. - Harry
Do you stim? Do you share stims or do different members have different ones?
«we do stim! though we tend to have different stims. mine tend to be vocal in nature. one of my main ones is saying "meep meep mareep". or just singing. another one i have is rubbing soft, fuzzy things against my face.»
mine tend to be more phy5ical although i do al5o 5ing a5 a 5tim othervvi5e i do like knuckle crackin thumpin my fi5t5 again5t my che5t or ju5t uh 5hiftin my vveight back an forth if i got mu5ic on i tend to bop to the rhythm one a my more problematic 5tim5 i5 5mokin or Vapin
Card ∫huffling for me. It'6 very ∫oothing.
>.i don't really stim, myself.<
I also am not much for stimming. If I do it's generally something discreet like rubbing my hands together, or crossing my arms tightly while rubbing the fabric of my shirt between my fingers. - Harry
Do you remember your first special interest? What was it?
«the earliest one i can remember is sailor moon, but that's probably not the first one? but i was absolutely obsessed. made an entire notebook of facts about the sailor senshi, had my own little fanpage, turned in fanfic for creative writing assignments...»
ab5olute earlie5t one i can remember i5 the mighty duck5 both the moVie5 an the hockey team vve eVen had a paul kariya action figure an vve taped up nevv5paper clippin5 of picture5 an 5core5 aboVe our bed an had tradin card5 vve vvould a been about 3 or 4 vvhen the fir5t moVie came out an the hockey team vva5 5tarted 5o that i5 hone5tly probably the fir5t one
Thi6 one i6 of cour∫e purely exomemory ba∫ed, ∫ince I've been here all of a week, but computer6! Specifically thing6 like programming and hacking. Unfortunately a lot of my knowledge didn't tran∫fer over, or I can't remember it, ∫o it'6 taken a back ∫eat for now.
>.still architecture. .lmao.<
Tinkering, I suppose. One of my earliest memories is of disassembling and fixing a broken radio we had when I was small. (This would be what one might call an exomemory, although from my perspective it's just a regular memory.) I still like taking things apart and putting them back together, preferably with improvements. - Harry
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skiniibuniii · 10 months
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probably never got fasting insomnia cuz i kept "recovering" before i reached the point im at rn. heres some shit abt me, my history of eds, and why i think and have been told i have EDNOS. added a read more thing so you dont have to read it if you dont want to.
wow someone likes me lmao jk but,,
when i was 9-10 i had to take one of those tests in school for BMI and i was the heaviest person there. all the kids compared bmis and i just stayed quiet when i was asked. so the very next day i did a week long fast without knowing what the fuck i was doing. i barely drank anything, fainted once and couldnt stand up without my legs giving out. yeahh my mom almost took me to the hospital, and i wanted that til my mom said id be poked with needles so i "recovered". off and on over those next few years, i tried to watch what i ate but didnt count cals (tbh cuz i didnt know how).
I started smoking weed around 11-12 and i started binging B A D. my stomach hurt constantly but i never stopped eating. to the point that my mom finally told me that i was eating too much cuz we didnt have the money for me to keep that up any longer than a few months. and my mom saying "youre eating too much", even though she was worried about me and i knew she was just worried, it totally triggered me again. still didnt know jack shit about eds. i tried to restrict and got into a fast-binge cycle for a couple months. "recovered" again.
tried to die right after i turned 13, got sent to a hospital for 2 months and thats when i learned about eds. started going to this LGBTQ club, met my bf and discovered my gender identity (didnt know abt trans people before that either, thought i was just really crazy), and started to learn about how to be safer. aand this is when it stopped being 100% about how i look, but now it was a 50/50 on looks and weight. got back in that fast-binge bull. got my first Tumblr page somewhere around this time too and was in LOVE loved my blog so much. got into ed tumblr for inspo but obvy that didnt last long. stayed on my main for a long while til (i think) i was abt to turn 16. "recovered".
about to be 14 years old, got back into my shit cuz i got pregnant and didnt know it and freaked out about how ugly i was, dropped to 130 cuz the morning sickness made it so easy to purge (i was and have not since been able to purge via vomit) and i barely ate anyway with cal counting, nausea, fasting, and chainsmoking. i did some drugs aside from smoking around this time and drank a fair amount too. found out i was pregnant, "recovered" AGAIN, stopped doing all that bad stuff and was tormented by my body for another 4-5 months. got up to 225lbs, apparently i gained 85lbs from month 5 to birth. popped out a baby, kid was healthy thank god, tried to breastfeed, yo-yoed between 200-225 for about 2 months, breastfeeding wasnt working and made me want to die with the gender dysphoria, switched to bottles, 2 months after that now we're back. didnt do crazy restriction but exercised like a madman. hated myself really bad. fast-binge you know the deal. bf force-fed me regularly. i fucking gave up. reached 175 before i bounced right back to 200.
now we're 16 its the first of june, gonna be 17 in 14 days. i havent been able to look in a mirror for any reason besides to do my makeup in several years. still 200lbs. havent worn anything that could remotely show how fat i am in years. out of nowhere i decided, "imma get back on my fucking shit. I REFUSE TO HATE MY BODY ANYMORE. I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME AN ADULT AND FUCKING HATE MYSELF LIKE THIS"
"hey, youre 17 now! happy birthday. i know your phone just broke, i bought you a computer! it was a great deal and they said it worked for games too! you said youve been wanting to play that java server, right?"
i remembered, tumblr is a thing! i loved my blog, maybe if i get back into that id be happier.
"ghost blog", gone. i cried quite a bit lmao, but lets start a new one!
and here we are. and i am not doing any fake recovery shit this time.
from what i know, EDNOS includes the off-and-on stuff and i was told by a couple people on my og blog that i dont have ana i have EDNOS.
boom thats my ed life story. and if thats kinda bad yall should hear my whole fucking life story. ive been thinking abt writing a book about it cuz it is actually fucking crazy.
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fadingstarryskies · 1 year
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im gonna break the 160s soon im so excited i think
tw tw ed stuf, numbers, specific stuff with me, do not recommend ofc,
just ramblings abt life tbh
idk if im going thru weird stuff emotionally or not but its been really easy to liquid fast whole days or not eat much during the week, when im around ppl its worse but ive reached a point where its getting easier and maybe thats kind of scary bc im prolly not getting enough protein bUT!!
when i am eating i never feel bad if its beef or chickeni just try to have a lot of veggies and low carbs if its possible and its like, it was hard but my body prefers this bc maybe some foods make me nauseous or maybe its just knowing that i hate feelong too full or full at all, so if i eat more i have to ease into it
but idk i am rly anxious abt stuff and just trying to live and do well at school ya know
at this point i get distracted so much with hobbies and small social stuff that i only have enough time for school and money for survival if i am working and doing schoolwork all the time, and during work even though I have infinite access to food and smoothies I force myself to drink water bc im always dehydrated anyway and the smoothies have always made my stomach uncomfortable. ill have small amounts tho, or some whipped cream w espresso in the espresso cups r so cute,
but anyway a week or 2 ago i was 160 or 162 but then my mom came into town and it was my partners bday so i was eating some stuff but still avoided a lot? but i did eat a lot of chocolate covered strawberries lmao they were good tho i dont regret (theyre technically still fruit rigghhhttt)
and i didnt rly we1gh myself but then i was 167 ish again at the end of the day but now im 161 so its weird but i just want to get past this for good and be in the 150s like i need to get to the normal/healthy weight at LEAST and keep my muscles since im starting to see them in some places.itll take a lot more work to have abs thoughhh, whatwvee gn sorry if you had to read thru my ramblings
oh also i got rly cute oxford type sketcher shoes and i really hope im able to land an internship / leads at the career fair in a couple weeks n i know the shoes will complete the look and i just want to be attractive and competent idk but i dont do school enough / fast enough rip
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