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#i have to be “humble” but oh!! dont be down on yourself either!! have pride!!
bluinary · 1 month
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Waking up crying because after 2 years of grinding and understudying I was called back to play a real lead for a renowned director (me out of 3 girls total) and I lost the role to a girl who just auditioned here for the first time. The worst part is that I am also her understudy for the show before that!
#and it feels like no one actually gives a fuck. im being constantly invalidated#“thats showbiz” bitch this is a community theatre that prides itself on fairness#im not saying I shouldve just gotten the role bc ive been there. either role.#i am saying though that playing a fucking lead has historically been treated like a privilege.#because it can lead to huge opportunities once ppl see you that way#and tbf I nailed the callback. even the girl cast (whos also my new friend) said honestly she was sure it was me.#before i was even called back i had fellow actors saying id be perfect for it#i know why he cast the other girl. there are multiple reasons.#but honestly her reasons and mine weigh much the same. and she just got there.#im emphasizing SHE JUST GOT THERE#she even told me she just wanted to be involved#this is the 2nd time this has happened to me and im really fucking sick of it.#and now that ive regained some weight.....who tf else will cast me#i dont want to have to go all ED again i dont have the money or energy#also I cant dance very well. at least not in callbacks. i always forget what move comes next and i bomb it.#anyway. now im waking up crying. and its coming from a selfish place so no one is here to give a fuck.#this is the worst position to be in lmfao. if i have feelings about something im the villain and a diva.#i have to be “humble” but oh!! dont be down on yourself either!! have pride!!#this month has sucked so bad.#blu babbles#also. shes really good! but shes absolutely not THAT good lmfao. her presence is awesome and she dances well#and her voice is really nice! shes a triple threat but like. all areas are just *at* the bar yknow?#for me ive been told my acting is also at the bar my dancing is just below the bar and my voice is way above the bar.#shes been asking me for tips on singing and no one also seems to see how that feels like twisting the knife.#ik its not intentional. shes just naive. but it still hurts. it hurts really really bad.#im like @ god if you want me to have faith and confidence in myself why are you making me into a loser#first i lose my ex. then my car gets fucked up. also its been cloudy for 2+ weeks so depression. then i gain weight.#now i lose BOTH roles i was called back for.#i dont even want to go to rehearsal today. what the hell do they need me for.
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fecesmachine · 1 year
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Antipathy Pt 1.
Hai hello hai
sorry if this is too short my first time writing this type of stuff, more coming soon this is just to establish and flesh out y/n
Wednesday Addams x Male reader
TW: Foul language? Slight Angst...
Antipathy: A deep-seated feeling of dislike; aversion.
Ruben had always been on the fence about sending you here, and you weren't very eager to go here either, you were fine at regular school… yeah most people would baby you like you had retardism or something. always speaking to you like you were some fragile being, like you could burst into tears if they had said something wrong or in the wrong tone of voice
It made you cringe, and it made you angry.
But other than that you were fine. News about what your mother did spread quickly throughout your town, everyone was shocked when they heard about it, and everyone had felt pity towards You…
it sucked. You hated it… You hated the attention, You hated the over display of pity, you hated the pity...
You were genuinely surprised when you heard the news. You had just got back to your house, sweaty from riding your bike around your town and from the massive heat wave it was getting. you had just put your bike away in your garage.
exhausted and with a mighty thirst you walk to the kitchen for a glass of water after you fill the cup up you turn around to head to your room when you suddenly see Ruben sitting down near the counter. "We need to talk y/n" you had gotten a bit worried, Ruben had always had positive tone in his voice but this time he had sounded serious. "okay… what's up" Ruben paused for a minute and then sighed...
“I'm sending you to nevermore y/n…"
you paused for a second "What? wait, wait, wait, why? I'm fine here". You said back.
"y/n…" Ruben said while looking at you with pursed lips, "Really I am!" you said while putting on a fake, awkward smile…
"Y/n I know you… cmon, itll be good for you, you can finally meet some friends and people who you relate to…” you look at him with a confused expression as he was finishing his sentence.
"Somewhere where you can finally fit in…" Ruben said.
"Wait... Is that all your doing this for? to help me "fit in" somewhere? Im perfectly fine with not "fitting in" anywhere, Ruben" You chuckled a bit... at the stupidity of Rubens reasoning.
"Well no, not just to fit in y/n... im worried man... about your abilities… they can hurt people if your not careful, I was thinking Nevermore can help you control them and your emotions…" Ruben said this all a bit hesitantly.
Your not a cocky person, your humble and dont make a big deal out of your achievements and whatnot... but Ruben knows one thing you do take alot of pride in... Your abilities, youve always seen yourself as a master at controlling them, your mom always told you to be proud of them, so proud you are... and you take controlling them very seriously.
"oh my god..." you said a bit frustrated...
"what so now you dont trust me? you think ill hurt somebody? ive told you 800 goddamn times I can control them Ruben" You were actually starting to get upset.
Your talents and skills over your abilities are being questioned and you were seriously getting offended.
"I know youve been dealing with bullies… im just worried they would cross a certain line and you would snap" Ruben said with a calm voice.
There was a sudden, awkward silence that filled the room.
"Who told you?" You said in a sudden shift in tone...
Ruben stayed silent and just looked at you, you started to understand now…
"oh, oh you son of a bitch"
Ruben was about to say something when you cut him off.
"Youve been watching me havent you?" You never liked Ruben stalking you.
he would only do it to make sure you were safe but it felt degrading to you... Having to be watched at all times, like you were some toddler... you had always enjoyed his company (to an extent) but when you just wanted to be alone, it was annoying…
After some time of you constantly spotting and pointing him out...you asked him to stop and he made a promise that he would…
It was strange... how could you have not noticed him? You always do, why haven’t you noticed him now?
"for how long, Ruben?" you said with an angry, sharp tone... you were just so angry that you cant have a few moments of peace without being chaperoned by someone.
"Just recently, for some reason I just got so worried about you y/n..." his still surprisingly calm and soothing voice actually calmed you down for a second...then made you angrier and hate his voice even more now. How hes able to effortessly mangle, mix and switch your feelings around, and just with his voice... that annoying, cheerful, familiar voice... you wanted to get away from him, you didnt want to hear Rubens voice... you didnt want to see him.
"You made a promise Ruben..." You exclaimed
"I know, I know, I just wanted to keep you safe" Ruben said frustrated
Silence filled the room…
you suddenly shifted your entire body and stormed off to your room without saying another word…
You were gonna go to nevermore... If it meant getting away from Ruben, you were sick and tired of him, you gave him so many chances…
For the first time in a very long time.
you truly wanted to stay away from Ruben…
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yumoirail · 3 years
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Zelvali [Flowers]
"Flowers?" Revali asked with amusement in his voice. "Is that really all it's needed to win your heart?"
It was a warm afternoon that the rito champion was asked by the princess to keep her company in her nightly walks around the castle. They have just reached an opening to the gardens where they decided to take a sit and converse about mundane things.
Somehow they've reached the topic of hylians traditions and marriages. The steps one must take to properly be in a commited relationship and later be wed.
None of them were in any of the steps, but the princess indulged herself in fantasizing about her future partner.
Zelda hummed, smiling. "Is so simple, yet full of meanings. Each flower has it's own story and its own meaning, just like all of us, I believe gifting a flower is something I'd appreciatte a lot. To win my heart? I'm not sure, but is a good start."
Revali thinks of the times the knights, bravest souls, have given her bouquets of flowers whenever she strolls around the gardens in the castle. How the princess, kindly and humble, rejects them every single time and believes what she says is a contradiction of what he has witnessed.
"Flowers wither and die, princess. They are not forever. Why want something that is going to waste" Zelda looks up at him, her green eyes shining brightly with the last rays of sun. The rito faintly thinks she looks beautiful.
"Flowers are just like all of us." she giggled. Revali decided he liked the sound of her laugh. "They serve a purpose; whatever you decide. To be a gift, a decoration, to mourn someone, to remember others, the food for ones, beverage to the rest; finding beauty on them that resemble us as living things is... Is something so wonderful."
The sun has set by the time she finished. The quietness of the gardens that overlook the kingdom were like a comfort blanket over them, a comfortable silence for Revali to ponder what the princess have told him.
Love. Is such a foreing concept for someone like him.
While he prides himself on so many things others cannot accomplish, the mere thought of love scares him to the core.
To give yourself to someone without restrictions; to give your vulnerability, which he doesnt have, thank you very much.
Revali knows is innevitable. Either being something forein and something he doesnt want to admit fully, he partly knows that whoever the princess decides to be with is going to break him.
He is not ready to face love let alone a heartbreak.
"I've yet to accept the flowers that have been offered to me." She confessed quietly, catching Revali's attention.
"Oh."
"The one I wish for has never given me a flower. I dont think before now he knew that I wanted one." Her face was getting red by the second. "I hope he does now."
The only person that flew by his mind was the personal knight of the princess and that only made him angrier.
"Well, if that stupid knight of yours doesn't realize your needs, I dont think he is worth the wait, if may I add, so I'll suggest for you to move on." He spatted angrily.
'But you wouldnt give her up', his mind supplied. He bit back his tongue.
The princess stared at him mouth wide and disbelief written all over her face. Either he said something wrong or he nailed it that she got impressed by it.
"Oh, Revali." She whispered. "I am not in love with Link."
"In love?!" He replied rappidly, confused. And then quietly asked. "You're not?"
"No, no. Oh gosh, I— I think I've read the situation wrong. I apologize for confusing you so badly." Zelda laid her hand on top of his wing, nervously stroking his feathers. He felt a chill ran down his spine at the contact.
"I believe I'm not understanding?"
She opened her mouth but closed it inmediatly, pondering whether to tell the truth or just dismiss the situation for no further embarrasment. But when Revali inclined his head, confusion written all over his features, and his other wing drapped around her hand she couldnt hold it anymore.
"I'm in love with you."
And in that single moment his heart felt light.
Oh how Revali wished he had lips to kiss her.
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lemonietrinket · 4 years
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Breakfast in Bed ||| Wonpil x Reader
Summary: Making breakfast in bed for your bf on his birthday Genre: Fluff, you know the drill Warning(s): jam None  Word Count: 1558  Theme Song: Red - The Rose AN: Happy Birthday Pillie! A request/idea from @idontknowapil and now a birthday present for the brightest angel that has ever existed. Married AU bc why not
~~~
You rubbed your eyes as you placed the knife safely in a mug by the sink, taking in the sight of your handiwork.
The toast heart was a little bit lopsided you had to admit, but you’d managed to get the jam to the correct thickness and the sides decorated to perfection. Still, your work wasn’t over. 
Feeling the pride giving you a boost of energy boost against the drain of having gotten up so early, you placed the mango and raspberry squash on the tray before lifting it carefully. 
Taking the stairs slowly, you eventually reached the top without a single drop spilt much to your satisfaction.  Easing your shared bedroom’s door open with your foot, you reentered the safe haven that had taken you so much effort to drag yourself from. A smile arose to your features as soon as you spotted the precious man that all your hard work was done for. He was still fast asleep, one arm stretched up onto the pillow with the other having remained where it had been as he cradled you during the night.
He was so adorable that it made your heart flutter, his naturally wavier hair uncaged by the straighteners he insisting on using and left free to curl over his forehead. His features seemed to be lightly furrowed, as if his dream required him to think, and it pouted his lips so sweetly. 
It took a lot of effort not to just abandon everything you’d made to join him beneath the covers once again. Still, you knew his face would be a piece of art when he woke up to see the breakfast you had prepared for him, so you stuck with the plan. 
Tiptoeing over to the bed, you placed the tray where you had sprawled so the chances of him knocking it were slim, before returning to his side.  Leaning over so you could get a better view of the beauty before you, you drew your fingers gently over his temple. Shifting a lock of hair from his skin, you pressed a kiss softly there. He was frankly irresistible, and you found yourself ducking in to plant another on his exposed cheek—the other smushed into the pillow. 
He huffed cutely in his sleep which led you to giggle; he was coming away from the world of dreams but he wasn’t quite out yet. Flicking a glance to the toast that was inevitably enjoyed much more warm, you realised it would take some more drastic measures to pull him from his slumber in time for breakfast.
Pulling the duvet the slightest bit away from his chin you nestled his jaw in the palm of your hand, tracing your thumb across the apple of his cheek. 
“Wonpil, sweetheart,” you sang tenderly, “time for breakfast.”
After receiving a scrunch of his nose as proof that your tactic was working, you let yourself chuckle at how cute he was. Giving into the temptation, you placed another kiss this time upon his nose.  This elicited a hum and before you knew it, your husband—too adorable to be true—was dozily opening his eyes.
“Good morning,” you greeted, his hand leaving the pillow and rubbing his cheeks and eyes into a further state of awake. 
“Morning,” he reciprocated with a voice gravelly from sleep, as he used most of the energy he had to lift himself ever so slightly, just so he could kiss your nose in return. It was weak, but you knew it was a precursor of what was to come. 
Making more of a gap so he could begin to breathe some cool air and awake further, you smiled at him sunnily. “Happy birthday sweetheart.”
That seemed to pry him open a bit more. “Oh!” 
He began to shift himself up in bed, ready to get out after seeing the joy in your eyes and quickly rationalising you had a plan. He was confused, then, when you pressed your hand to his chest and encouraged him to merely lay back against the headboard. 
“Get yourself comfortable,” you said with a wink, as you levied the tray across into both your hands, “because you have a special treat.”
To say his eyes widened would be an understatement. You were convinced that they had wettened at the image of the breakfast you’d made and brought him. It wasn’t the first time either of you’d had breakfast brought to them in bed, but the level of handiwork this time seemed extra special—even if it was simpler than a few of the other occasions.
“I felt bad that you’d lost out on some toast so I got you some extra bits,” you pointed to the ‘side dishes’, a portion of salad, some toast soldiers coupled with a soft boiled egg.
He looked on the food you’d gotten him with what could only be described as a happy pout. “Thank you so much, this is just so perfect... I love you so much!”
You felt your heart swell, encouraging him to tuck in. “Before it gets cold!”
While he tucked into the heart shaped toast you slipped back into the warmth of the bed beside him, resting your head on his shoulder as you watched him enjoy the mix ‘n’ match breakfast you’d presented to him.
“It tastes so good,” he exclaimed through a slightly-full mouth, unable to hold in his compliments any longer.
“It’s just the usual jam on toast,” you humbly admitted. Not that he would have that.
He shook his head, dusting his fingers off on a napkin you’d found unused from your housewarming party. “No this definitely tastes even better than normal toast.” He let his hand no free of crumbs stroke your hair as he gazed at you, fully awake and bubbly like his normal self. “It’s the taste of love, that’s what it is.”
“Ew, corny,” you scoffed, turning your head away from him to avoid his stare catching the blush that had bloomed upon your cheeks. 
He laughed, dusting off his heart toast and swiftly moving onto his egg.
“This is going to taste more than amazing too,” he announced, ducking down to kiss your head, while you let your eyes rest.
When he got a subdued response—a smile, yes, but with closed eyes—he realised you could easily fall back asleep, and that would not do.
Savouring the first taste of the egg, he brought a soldier of toast and dipped it into the vibrant, runny yoke.
“Y/N, honey, stay with me,” he giggled, running his hand down to your shoulder and rubbing lovingly, “here.”
You opened your eyes to see the tantalising sliver of toast neatly coated with yolk being held towards you. Feeling your stomach rumble out of negligence on your behalf to your own hunger you very nearly didn’t stop yourself from accepting his offer. “Pillie, it’s your breakfast!”
“Yeah, which means I choose where it goes,” he countered smoothly, gasping in faux indignance, “am I not allowed to feed my own wife?”
You pouted, before letting him feed you. He did so with a grin so radiant you were beginning to reckon you were going to need sunglasses to appreciate him in all his glory.  The taste awoke your senses and you savoured the bite, letting the texture seep in and elicit a satisfied groan from you.
“You know what you’re right, this stuff does taste much better,” you backtracked, frowning quizzically at your work.
“Because... love infusion,” he declared in English, fumbling only a bit over the phonetics.
You felt yourself burst into laughter. He was too good for your heart. “I guess so, yeah.”
He continued to feed you slips of toast, and then spoonfuls of the egg itself, and eventually you learnt that there was no point in insisting it was all for him.
Once it was all finished, his drink sipped and not a single sprig of salad remaining, Wonpil reclined back with a sated sigh.
“Best meal ever,” he stated, “Ramsay’s got nothing on you.”
Rolling your eyes with a smile you moved the tray out of the way for him and onto your bedside table, changing the subject as you did so. “So, do you want to see your present?”
His motions to begin retreating beneath the duvets again immediately halted. “This wasn’t my present?”
“One of them yes,” you explained, surprised that he thought you wouldn’t have gotten him anything substantial, “but the proper one is downstairs!”
He reasoned with the suggestion for a moment, before a mischievous glint settled in his eye. “I think I’ll take my second one first.” 
You weren’t given long to be confused, your lips parting to chide him for sinking under the blankets once again, but the chance to speak being taken away as he proceeded to snake his hands around your waist. Having propped yourself up on one elbow when he’d begun to move you slipped to the mattress with a gentle thud as he brought you flush to him.
Creating a cocoon for the two of you, you were finally enveloped in warmth as he grinned victoriously, nuzzling his nose into your hair.
“Let’s just stay here for a little bit, yeah?” he suggested, caressing your back.
And what could you say—you couldn’t say no to that man in a thousand years. Especially not on his birthday.
~~~
AN: my apologies idk korean breakfasts so we ran with some english stuff hell yeah
btw i hate this title its so basic so if it changes in the future dont be surprised
also fun fact about me:
i hate jam with like every inch of my life so 
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