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#i dont even have much to do tomorrow but its supposed to be 'good' to sleep ig :

robinismywifee · 1 year

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lust, not hatred || e. williams

pairings dealer!ellie williams x fem!oc/reader

summary ellie and aime never got along, but ellies best friend, dina, is aimes roomate so they have to be around each other alot. blah blah blah, ellie makes aime go to a party with her, lets just say ellie gets jealous (1st p.o.v)

warnings NSFW, fingering (r. receiving), cunnilingus (r. receiving), pet names (princess, brat, slut, good girl), kinda kinky ellie (spanking, she thinks reader belongs to her????), drinking, smoking weed

a/n part 2 is up!

wordcount 4.2k

i unbuttoned my jeans, slipping out of them, i could already feel her burning gaze on my neck.

i pulled of my shirt too, throwing the clothes into my laundry basket, i turned to my closet, it had a mirror on it and i could see ellie on dinas bed, sititng with her legs spred out not even hiding her stares

i looked at her through the mirror shaking my head, "what are you even doing here? dinas not gonna be back until like midnight" i scoffed, as i opened the closet and grabbed shorts, slipping into them but still in my bra

"are you deaf? i already told you" she said, annoyed by me being annoyed, or maybe just my presence, "yeah, well im gonna be here when she gets back why don't i just have her text you?" i wanted my room to myself, dina was at a party, i had classes early and although it seemed tempting, dancing like nobody else is in the room with dina while my eyes are red from the weed, i could do it literally any other day

"youre gonna pass out as soon as your fat ass hits the bed" she said, making me roll my eyes even though she couldnt see them as my back faced her, "okay then just- come back at like 2am to see her alive and well" i shrugged, getting on my tippy toes to pull out a white tanktop from the top of my closet

i unclipped my bra, letting the cold air fill my breasts, i tossed the bra into the basket, slipping on my tanktop.. if i was in my room, i dont care whos in it, im changing, i mean, i face the other direction if im going completely nude like how i just did so ellie couldnt see my tits, only my bare back, but in plain bra and underwear, who cares, its just as if i was wearing a bikini

i turned around, noticing the tanktop was much tighter and lowcut then i had thought, but once again it didnt really matter, its just ellie, as much as i hated her im comfortable around her, i know shes not gonna try anything weird like that

"can you honestly just shut the fuck up and go to sleep? my roomate blasts terrible music while she studies and she has a test tomorrow theres no way im going back in there" she complained

"dude, i dont care, its my room, not yours" i folded my arms, "its dinas room too and she said i could be in here anytime i wanted, and why do you want me to leave so fucking much? i always crash" ellie questioned, "i- i jus- i- it doesnt fucking matter! just-" i stuttered, suddenly feeling embarrassed.. usually i don't care if she stays over, i just block her out and ignore her even being there, but i was really horny today and planned tonight out already.

"what? was some guy supposed to come over or some shit?" ellie asked, suddenly feeling interested, "no! just-" i sighed, trying to come up with a lie but settled on changing the topic, "if you're gonna be here, do me a favor and shut up"

"nah, i wanna know, what were your wednesday night plans princess?" her voice raised a pitch, she leaned forward as i stood a few feet infront of her, "why do you care so much?" i scoffed, "and why arent you at the party?" i added, trying to change the topic

"you know how it is going to a party with dina and jesse, im just gonna be alone the whole time with people trampling asking for weed" she shrugged, "dont you want people asking?" i asked, referring to the business side, "yeah but i dont need to go to parties every fucking day"

"whatever" i mumbled, falling to my bed, i pulled out my phone and was about to go to tiktok when she spoke up again, "you never answered my question"

"if i tell you will you go the party?" i asked raising my head, "uh.. fuck" she whispered, "fine" she said which suprised me enough to sit up and ditch my phone, "only cause i was already thinking of going" she added, "yea right" i mumbled, "so? you gonna tell me or just sit there?"

"i was just- just.." i scratched my neck preparing for her future comments, "i told jason he could come over specifically because i had the dorm to myself- and dont start williams because ive been talking with him for like a month now, and i know you do it all the time with cat" she laughed

"i dont" she said with a smirk, "shut the fuck up, yes you do" she stood up, "not with cat, that was like a 1 time thing" she said casually, walking over to grab her shoes, "yeah all your things are a one time thing" i grumbled, basically implying she was a whore, she stopped her tracks, and walked to the edge of my bed infront of me, "get up" she said in a stern voice, i shook my head, she didnt like that answer, she pulled my wrist and shoved me to my closet, "get dressed" she ordered

"get dressed? fuck off im not going anywhere" i said in disbelief, "youre coming with me, now get fucking dressed" she said, looking down at me, "says who? im not going with you, leave me alone!" who does she think she is?

ellie took a step closer, she didnt even say anything, just gave me that look that made me tense up, "holy fucking shit, fine" i let out my breath, and untensed as she smirked, proud of her abilities, "but only if you give me free weed" i added, "whatever, just hurry up"

"hurry up? i just took off all my makeup let me do like basic makeup first" i said, moving to my vanity, she sighed, "i swear to god"

"you're the one whos making me go, just sit on your ass and watch south park of something" i said, getting out my makeup, "oh, can you actually put that on?" she asked, i didnt reply, but complied by taking my remote off my desk and tossing its at her, my tv was facing my bed only so she had to move from dinas bed to mine, i watched through my mirror her getting comfy under my blankets with my squishmellow bat, i didnt realize until i looked back to myself that i was smiling, i instantly dropped it, shook my head at myself feeling disgusted, and started my makeup as southpark filled the room.

"jesus, took you long enough" ellie mumbled as i got out of my chair, "it took one episode of south park, thats not even long dumbass" i shot back, picking up the remote from her lap and turning it off, "help me pick an outfit" i ordered, opening my closet

"you dont need to dress up its not a special party, just put on jeans" she said, i was slightly leaned over searching for clothes when once again i could feel her eyes on the back of me, i turned around and saw that her eyes werent up on my back, but lower, "stop being a perv" i said as she looked back up to me, still laying in bed snuggled with the blankets, "not my fault you were bent over in booty shorts"

i shook my head, "okay well im not wearing jeans cause its hot" i said outloud, "so which skirt?" i moved over showing her the ray of skirts "whichever one shows more skin" i turned to her squinted my eyes and turned back around trying to make a decision as she was no help

"i think maybe just a plain black one, right? oh how bout these?" i pulled out, turning around holding a skirt to my waist

"mm, yea that looks short, do that" she agreed, for different reason, i sighed, "whatever. fix my bed and get your shoes on" i pointed, as i changed into the skirt

she stayed silent, doing what i asked, fixing my bed to how it was before, i had already put on my shoes and waited for ellie to do so, once she did, she stood up and went to her bag, she shuffled around a bit before pulling a bottle of my favorite vodka with a smirk

my mouth was ajar, "what! can i- can i please have some?" i asked with a head tilt, i rarely had this vodka, it was super expensive.

"yeah dummy thats why i bought it" she said, sitting back down on the edge of my bed, i bit my lip to hide my smile, but it didnt work as i smiled too big, i walked over to her sitting right next to her, i was too excited to notice i had sat so close that our theighs were touching

"w- why do you have this? dont you usually get fireball whisky?" i said, looking down at the belvedere bottle, a laugh escaped her lips, "yeah, they didnt have any at the store so i thought i'd get your vodka- why are you so amazed by it?" she smiled looking down at me

"couldnt you just gotten some other whiskey? i mean you got MY vodka? this is-" i let out a sigh, "can we take shots already?" i asked looking up to her, she laughed, "yeah, here you can have the first shot" she passed it over to me, i shook my hands excited before taking the bottle, opening it with a pop noise, i unscrewed the cap and smiled more, "cant we do it at the same time? here" i handed her the bottle, it felt weird taking shots alone, i went to my shelf and took off two shot glasses, i bit my lip as i handed her them, taking the vodka back and poured us the glasses, setting the bottle on my bedside table

"okay ready?" i smiled, she laughed as she nodded, "3, 2, 1" i said, and at the same time we brought our lips to the cup and tilted our heads back, downing the clear liquid

i giggled, as we both set our glasses down, "oh my god! im so happy right now i could kiss you" i smiled, we both looked at eachother for a moment, too long of a moment, i felt something in my stomach, but i cleared my throught, and began pouring more liquid, blaming the feeling on the drink.

we ended up taking a bit more shots then intended, but here we were, arrived at the party

we walked in together, shoulder to shoulder, the guy who owns the house, ky, threw a lot of parties, he was a senior, ive been to so many parties here that i knew the layout of his big house

a song i didn't recognize played, but that didnt stop me from feeling in the mood to dance, me and ellie were definitely different drunks, i dont know what was going through her mind when she was drunk, but for me, right now at least, all i wanted to do was dance and enjoy the music

"ellie, ellie, ellie!" i shook her arm, she hummed a reasponse, we has made it to the kitchen and she began to pour us cheap vodka into red cups, normally she would drink beer but i guess she wanted to get drunk tonight like how i did

"can we, pleaseeee, please, please, dance?" i pressed my hands together as if i was praying, "shit, please beg more" ellie licked her lips, sipping her drink, "oh my god! just- lets go, and i bet dina and jesse are dancing we'll probably find them" i said, pulling ellie by her wrist into the 'dance floor'

as i dragged her, big poppa by biggie played, "yes! i love this song" i pulled her close to me as we joined the people dancing, "i really dont want to dance aime" ellie said with a stern face, "oh come on! you never dance, it'll be fun, just pretend like im the only one in the room, trust me, oh and literally everyone around us will not remember anything in the morning so it doesnt even matter" i explained to her, she seemed nervous, but nodded

people gave us weird looks, usually we would be on different sides of the room, we never were seen together alone, so us not only being alone together, but with smiled and dancing?

i moved my hips to the beat, my hands on ellies shoulders her hands on my waist, my front grinding against hers as i sang the song, she seemed to loosen a bit, her eyes connected to my body

i saw a smirk form on the corner of ellies mouth, and before i knew it, her hands were pressed against my ass, normally i would scoff and hit her arm away, but i had no thoughts at the current moment, so i only moved my hips more, i then turned around so my ass was to her front and her hands were now to my hips, i bent over a bit, arching my back, letting my ass bounce, ellies hands kept a firm grip as she also grinded to me, it was for fun and innonce at first, but it started to feel too good, and i never got that fun time so i only wanted more.

we took a break to drink more, then went back to dancing, after a few songs, a hand gripped my hair, pulling my head up a bit, ellie leant forward and whispered- well yelled over the music- to my ear, "wanna get that free weed now?" i smiled, not realizing the reason she decided to ask was because jason was making his way to us, "fuck yeah!" i exclaimed

now we sat in an empty bedroom with a locked door for anyone who decided to bardge in, "alright princess" ellie sighed, practically stumbling over to me, she pulled out a tin that was in her pocket, pulling out a joint and lighter, i sat on the edge of the bed hands in my lap

i watched her every move, she raised the joint slightly to my mouth, but i was focused on her slim fingers, "open" she said in a low voice, i felt my cheeks go red at her voice and how vulnerable i felt, but i obeyed, opening my mouth slightly, she slipped the joint, i closed my lips around it, she brought the lighter to the end, lighting it for me, the whole time we stared into each others eyes, a thick unknown tension between us lingered

i took a hit and began smoking all while holding eye contact. we passed it and took deep hits till our world felt calm and the music from below us seemed to disappear, infact everything around us seemed to disappear, it felt like it was only us on the whole planet.

ellie took the last hit, before placing the remainder of the joint in an nearby ashtray. she went back to her previous spot, right infront of me, standing and looking down, my neck hurt from looking up at her, but i couldnt take my eyes away, something about how her freckles danced in the dim lighting, or how her messy hair framed her face, how her redden eyes glared at me with an emotion i didnt recognize.

ellie brought her hand to my jaw, her thumb rubbing my cheek, "you were really causing a scene out there princess" her voice seemed to go down a few notches, and it made my mouth agape at the nickname she had been calling me for years for some reason made my face feel hot

"how you were.. grinding onto me in your short skirt.. your tight top.. shit, i can see everything through that, didnt even bother to put on a bra, like the little slut you are" she mumbled, eyes scanning my clothed breasts and theighs, i couldnt help but squeeze my theighs together more, "hm, think i didnt see that?" her free hand went to my theigh, rubbing circles to it, ellie must of noticed my eyes trailed to her hand cause she used the one that was on my face to pull my face back up, "whats the matter? cat got your tongue?" she asked with a head tilt, that made me gulp and shrunk into my seat, trying to push words out, but the no reply caused her to smirk

"i mean.. you know what they say.." she moved her thumb that was on my cheek to my lip, pulling it down slightly, "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer" my face felt on fire as i felt her thumb sink into my mouth, my eyebrows furred, looking up to her, as her thumb was in my mouth, "shit, i wonder what else that mouth can do" she whispered to herself, but i obviously heard, i felt like i could collapse, my hand that was on the bed moved to her hand that was on my theigh, i opened my legs a little bit wider, pushing her hand down

i watched as she pulled her thumb out, keeping her hand on my theigh, she slipped out of her shoes, and pulled mine off. next thing i know her hands were on my face and she had her tongue shoved deep into my throat, my head pressed into the pillow as she was ontop of me, the sudden contact made me moan.

she moved her hands on my waist and pulled me closer to her front, i moaned into it, my hand found its way to her hair, i pulled at it, i didnt expect anything, but i heard her let out a breathy moan into my mouth, i pulled away, my ears blessed, i felt a puddle in my underwear, "please ellie"

she looked at me with the same eyes she had the whole night, the same eyes shes been giving me ever since we met. and i finally recognized what the emotion was. lust. pure, lust.

"please ellie, i need you" i whinned, i grabbed her hand and shoved it up my skirt, her fingertips dancing against my clothed slit was enough to make me whine, "please" i breathed, ellies face was red, "fuck" she gulped, and leaned back in to kiss my lips, her hand resting on my inner theigh, she trailed her lips to my neck, i turned my head to give her more access, my back arched as she kissed the right spot and pressed her hand under my shirt to my unclothed boob, and slightly bit my skin "please, ellie, i cant wait any longer, i need you" i rolled my head back

"be patient princess" she said in a seductive voice, which only made me less patient, she pulled away, hands now at the hem of my shirt, i sat up lfiting my arms helping her pull it off of me, "shit" ellie breathed, her eyebrows were furred, hair messy, cheeks red, lips plump, she looked so beautiful, so fucking hot.

after she stared at me, she pulled in and began kissing my chest, leaving a trail of love bites, she got to the hem of my skirt, pulling it off my legs, she pressed soft kisses until she got to my clothed clit, "fuck.. ellie i need you, please, ill do anything, please" i whinned, my hand gripped to her hair, "i know baby, ill make you feel good" ellie spoke as she pulled off my underwear with eye contact

i felt really vulnerable, i was completely naked underneath her as she straddled me completely clothed, and normally i topped, but there is no way i would be able to top ellie so i let it happen

ellie moved lower and lower till her lips pressed softly to my clit, i was so sensitive that i couldnt help but squirm my hips up, ellie forcefully pushed my theighs down and held them there, "stay fucking still brat" she said harshly, i narrowed my eyes down to look at her cold gaze, a smirk formed her face before she dove back in

she decided to tease me, kissing my inner theigh, "ellie c'mon" i whispered, trying to not move my hips, she ignored me and continued to press soft kissed to my theighs, her hands wrapped around my legs holding me still

ellies eyes were closed as she kissed me, i took that as an opportunity to sneak my hand to my private, gliding my fingers to my slit, but before i could really do anything, ellies hand gripped my wrist and slammed my hand against the bed, her grip tightened as she stared coldly at me, "touch yourself or move one more time, and im leaving" she said, her voice stern, i let out a breath feeling intimidated under her gaze, giving her a shakey nod

her face softed as she saw my reaction, "i- is this too far?" she asked softly, i very quickly shook my head, "no, please dont stop" i murmered out, knowing a quick head shake was probably too little for her, she tucked hair behind my ear, "tell me what you want baby" she whispered nicely, completely opposite to her harsh voice calling me a brat a few minutes ago, "go down on me please ellie, o- or anything- just touch me" i whinned, her look turned back to her confident smirk, she licked her lips looking down at me before she sunk back down and pressed her tongue to my wet folds, gliding it up, she put her tongue back in her mouth letting herself taste me, "mmhm, shit you taste good" she rolled her eyes, leaning her head back a bit and i swear to god i could have came right there.

ellie brought her head back down letting her tongue glid against me some more, my breathy moans filling the room as she pushed her tongue deep into me, my hand gripped the bedsheets, i wrapped my legs around ellie trying to get her closer

"harder.." i whispered my hand finding its way to ellies hair, she complied, moving her tongue faster and deeper, "more ellie.. please" i moaned, ellie slipped one of her fingers into me, moving along with her tongue, "mmfph" i moaned, rolling my head back onto the pillow, mumbling nonsense, i couldn't help but rock my hips, grinding onto her face, moving against her tongue and finger, she began to move her faster, suddenly adding another finger, i gripped her hair harder, ellie moaned against me, vibrating my core, causing me to grind even harder and squeeze her hair harder, anytime i tugged ellies hair i would feel her moan against me, so i made sure to keep on tugging

as i felt myself get higher, i couldnt even get words out, only high pitched squeels, i felt myself tighten and right as i poured out, ellie pulled out, licking my dripping cunt clean, i was out of breath, still trying to get over the orgasm,

"all fours" she licked her lips, i did what she said, finding the strength to flip myself over, and sit on my knees and hands, back arched and ass in the air, on full display for the girl behind me.

"shit.. look at you, you'd do anything for me, wouldnt you?" she growled, "anything.." i moaned, ellies fingers slammed back into me, making my eyes roll back, arching somehow more

"cant believe you were gonna go and fuck jason.." ellie growled form behind me, fingers slamming deeper, "such a fucking slut.." she whispered, i then felt a sudden sharp pain on my ass, i moaned at the pain and at her fingers curling, "you like that?" i could hear her smirk, she smacked me again, i tried to hold my moan back to not satisfy her, but it was near impossible, "jason couldnt make you feel like this, could he?"ellie questioned, adjusting my legs for me to get her fingers deeper in me, pumping her fingers deeper and faster, at a very hard paste, i tried to answer but her fingers were a bit distracting

"i asked you a fucking question!" she smacked me again, "who the fuck do you belong to?" she yelled, "ellie! i belong to ellie" i moaned loudly, feeling my stomach come to a not, "such a good girl" ellie grunted, i felt myself freeze and could feel myself dripping down my leg, ellie contuined, overstimulating me, making my legs shake and tremble

she came to a stop, i could feel her warm fingers collect all my juices that had fallen, i let myself collapse onto my back, i made eye contact with her as she sucked onto her fingers with a smirk, "you really do taste good princess"

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams tlou2 #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x oc #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x reader smut #ellie williams x you #the last of us #the last of us fanfic

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glorified-red · 1 year

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Autopilot (Damian Wayne x Reader)

summary: After witnessing an event that hit just a little too close to home, you were left at the mercy of your own memories. All the usual tactics Damian knew weren't helping. It's a good thing he had a little helper.

word count: 4,070~

warnings: flashback during a panic attack, disassociation and driving through it, reference to past physical abuse (not specified from who or if it's domestic, it's very vague. But is heavily implied to be from a male), depictions of physical abuse in terms of verbs (punch, kick, hands on body, etc. Nothing more. Aka no bodily harm, just the feeling), and reference to passing out from a panic attack in the past.

Nothing quite like real world events to jerk me out of a writer's block, aye? This is based on a personal experience from just a few days ago so if there is a complaint with this story being too specific, I will ignore it. This fic means a lot to me so please be kind to it. Dont hesitate to let me know what you think of it! For those wondering, yes, I did finish writing that essay. Have not submitted it because I would love to read it and edit it at not 1 am, so that's a task for tomorrow while I dye my hair.

Autopilot — acting or functioning without conscious thought, as a result of routine or habit.

That was one way to describe what was happening.

From the second you put your helmet back on to the moment your hand closed the front door, you couldn’t pinpoint a single frame in between. The entire world around you was a blur, even as you zipped through Gotham traffic on a busy afternoon.

Distantly, you knew you should be aware of the wind hitting your skin, especially as it assaulted your jacket with its wispy breath. Each red light and your boots hit asphalt. You should’ve been able to register that feeling shoot up each of your legs, maybe feel the way your body shifted into an upright position.

But instead, your eyes were blank behind the tinted lens of a bike helmet.

You didn’t even try to fix it, not yet anyway. Not when there were cars blocking you in from every angle; not when one wrong move—one stuttered breath—could mean your bike jerking into a freefall.

So you didn’t even try to fight for awareness. If you did, maybe your hands would be gripping the handlebars a little tighter, maybe even twisting the kevlar of your gloves into the grooves until you felt something. You would’ve rubbed your hands down your thighs, dragging the fabric along your skin just enough to force your body into consciousness.

But you didn’t.

You just let yourself run on autopilot.

It was safer that way anyway. Safer than having the worst panic attack of your life while driving at least. You didn’t even want to think about how Damian was going to react when he found out you were driving this far down into your subconscious—on your motorcycle no less.

He really was going to murder you one of these days. But then again, you had countless retorts ingrained into your repertoire, countless callbacks to days where it wasn’t you in the driver's seat doing this, but the hypocrite himself.

So you didn’t worry enough about it. You gave it maybe two seconds of thought before you put your helmet on and rolled out of the parking lot. Should you call Damian? Wouldn’t it just be easier for him to pick you up and worry about the bike later?

Your brain sighed, maybe your body did on instinct, if it did, you wouldn't have known. He was at home—which was barely fifteen minutes away, you could survive that long—waiting for you, it’d worry him too much to get a phone call two hours after you were supposed to be home.

Somewhere between hues of gray, your legs guided you through the maze of a familiar home. There was a buzz in your ears, like the poor organs were trying desperately to comprehend the noise around you but fell short every time. They were filled with water then dried with cotton only for it to dissipate with water once more: a ferocious cycle that left you a stranger to the greeting happening right before you.

You shouldered passed . . . something? It didn’t matter. If it did, surely your brain would let you know later . . . right? Then came the mechanical routine of finding a place to bring yourself back. But when every wall looked the same and your boots trudged against the carpet—Damian was so gonna gripe about shoes in the house later—it felt like a losing game.

So you stuttered to a stop, somewhere. Arguably the worst place because the only tether you had to the outside world was the ground under your boots, which you couldn’t even feel because there was at least an inch of rubber tread between your reality and everyone else's.

The same buzz hit your ears. Maybe if you tried hard enough, you could blame the disconnect on the inner padding of the helmet stuffed against your head. It’s worked before, it’s not like it’s easy to hear with this thing on, let alone when your brain didn’t even want you to.

You could start to feel the autopilot wearing thin, the remnants of it dissolving with each passing second you remained idle. You tried to tap each of your fingers against your thumb one at a time to cling to what little autopilot was left. All you got from your body was a single twitch in your thumb.

A tap, a click, and a slide. All sounds you saw rather than felt or heard yourself. The tinted panel in front of your eyes lifted slowly until your grays turned into greens. You could get lost in that green for eternity and your soul would find contentment. You could find that green from memory, even when your eyes were filled with grays or your body turned blind to it. That green was one you would never lose.

It came naturally, locking your eyes into his. You could almost laugh at the fact that the last wisp of autopilot was used connecting yourself to him, as if your body had formed a habit you didn’t even know about until now.

You knew those eyes better than he did himself, even if he’d spent years staring at them before you. It was an easy victory when you traced them in your memories. So you knew each crease of worry that outlined the narrowness they had at the moment, the subtle squint as he tried to reach you.

Unfortunately for the both of you, he succeeded.

Your next breath came right before your lungs were punched by reality. The sheer weight of it was enough for you to struggle for air. It was like you were trapped as Atlas once was. But instead of holding the weight on your shoulders, you were crushed underneath all the rubble, having failed to keep everything upright.

You choked out a sob, hating the way your own breath ricocheted off the helmet back into your skin. You were suffocating. Your hands shot to the offending metal and clawed at each of the safety latches built in. Shaky fingers didn’t have enough dexterity to succeed which only made you gasp harder.

In an instant, there were skilled hands overtaking your own, practiced enough to succeed where you had failed.

“—eathe, I’ve got y—”

Newfound peripherals blindsighted you, they were both a blessing and a curse. While the new vision made it easier to protect yourself, the responsibility of having to do so was far too heavy a burden. You wanted to keep living in your tunnel vision and pretending it was safe there.

You were still suffocating. Air was scarce to come by and when it did travel through you, it scorched your lungs until you considered if air was truly worth the fight if it hurt so much. The same shaky hands grasped for the collar of your jacket, suddenly far too tight against your neck. It was as if the fabric itself was choking you and not Reality. Thready hands were better to imagine than calloused ones.

You didn’t notice your feet tripping backwards until your back collided with a wall, you didn’t even care, you just wanted this stupid jacket off. Agile hands swifty unlatched everything, unclasping safety mechanics and helped shrug the leather bind off of your skin.

“—ok, it’s off. Brea—”

The wall was solid; the wall was good; the wall was safe. You let yourself slide all the way down until you hit the floor, your green easily followed. You coughed on an exhale, your inhale having hurt far too badly to finish.

Your hands settled together behind your neck, fighting to grab at something, might as well protect your pulse points.

“—off?”

Your gaze struggled to lift up to him without staggering. When it settled back into his calming hue, you choked out a response: “What?”

Realistically, you exhaled far too much on the word when you received another kick to the chest but you figured he would get the gist. He’s smart.

“Do you want your boots off?” His hands floated in the space between you both, where your bent legs ended and his crouch began.

With a tilted comprehension, it took a few breaths—albeit pretty quick ones—for the words to sink in. When they did, you jerked out a nod. Without hesitation, he made quick work of velcro, buckles, and zippers, forcing you to trudge through heightened awareness alone.

Awareness was always worse than letting your mind shift into sand to pass through fingers with ease, free from the pain those fingers always left. Especially when Reality was combing through sand with a sharp comb, breaking each particle down to the atom. Water couldn’t wash away atoms the same way it could sand.

Your lungs convulsed again just as your socked feet felt the bite of cold tile, boots long since forgotten.

“Breathe,” he said simply, telegraphing his movements slowly. “Can I take off your gloves?”

You liked the safety of where your hands were, but feeling a leather mesh on your neck wasn’t exactly the most comforting feeling.

You jerked your hands out slowly, seeing for yourself just how much you were shaking compared to his steady hands. His movements were slow and deliberate, testing the waters to see how you reacted to his touch on your skin. The second both hands felt air instead of fabric, they retreated back to safety.

“You need to breathe.”

You shook your head, feeling the muscles under your hands twist along with the motion. “I—” you choked, “I can’t”

“Yes you can.” Damian shifted from his crouch to sit before you. “You’ve been through this before and you always come out of it, don’t you?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping it would help somewhat. Another kick to the chest and you were back to scrambling.

“ ‘t hurts,” you whined.

“I know it does, but you have to breathe. Breathe with me.” You opened your eyes to look at him through the blur of watery tears.

That was a mistake.

Reality was finicky at best. It shifted like the waves in its fluidity, morphing into new forms and combining within itself. Your fingers twitched against your neck.

Focus on the green.

But then his hands slowly laid atop your knees, a familiar trick he did every time. Innocent touch, a tethered connection between you two to bring you back to him. The further the attack would go, the more weight he’d put into his palms until your legs unbent without your knowledge. It was an easy way to open your chest cavity to make breathing a little bit easier while making it seem like nothing is changing, especially when your brain is occupied with other things.

But this time, his hands felt bigger, they felt more calloused, and held more weight in them. You jerked in an inhale. “Sto—stop touching me.”

Immediately his hands lifted off of you. “Okay, I won’t touch you.” His palms raised in the air so you could see them, an emphasis to his word. “But we’re going to breathe together.”

Damian waited a single moment for you to register his words, for your eyes to shift from his hands to his eyes, then finally, to his chest.

“Breathe in.” He exaggerated his chest visually for you to replace touch. Usually there would be some comfort in the way your hand was guided to his sternum, fingers spread out to feel the fabric of his shirt and the way his chest rose with each inhalation, only to fall when he exhaled. Yet this time, his chest would’ve felt different and that thought alone was enough for your breath to stutter.

“And out.” You envied the way he released his breath so slowly and with so much control where yours was rushed and clunky.

He praised you all the same. “Good. Again. In,” he breathed in, you followed shortly after, “and out.”

You fell out of the inhale before he did, your lungs quivering under an invisible hand. Your head hit the wall with a whine. “I can’t.”

“You can,” he stressed. “I know you can. Try again.”

You wheezed where he inhaled, you coughed where he exhaled. Your hands sunk from your neck to your chest, gripping on tight to the kevlar.

“That’s it,” he said, just before another set of breaths. You hated this part the most. You could live with the shakiness afterwards, the pain and the burn of your lungs once they finally settled down. You could ignore the feeling of being on edge for hours after, the feeling of fragility, like someone could blow and you’d wither away with the feeble wind.

But the feeling of true hopelessness that came from this part was always the worst. You couldn’t fathom succeeding at this simple human task, a task that comes mechanically—completely on autopilot. Yet for some reason, it was a monumental task for you.

Before Damian—and a little bit during—you let yourself get consumed by the darkness. You let the hands squeeze your lungs until your brain fizzled out, the consequences to be dealt with once you woke up. It was far easier than fighting for consciousness, especially when said consciousness was so painful.

He didn’t like that very much.

So here you were, clamoring your way through a breathing exercise as if it wasn’t the most painful thing in the world. As if your lungs weren’t burning with rage and your muscles weren’t aching with tension.

As if you couldn’t feel hands all over your body with each step back into awareness.

As if you couldn’t hear and see things just passed Damian’s silhouette.

“This isn’t working,” you bite out. Your head had sunk down to face the floor at some point. The carpet was a darker shade of beige than it was a moment ago. Maybe it was your shadow affecting it, but considering everything, you didn’t think so. “I need—” you choked.

You saw the way Damian’s hands twitched against his pants, fighting to do something to help you. “Tell me what you need.” He tried searching your eyes like before, that tether was one that could bring up to him from just about anywhere. But you were studying the carpet as if it had wronged you on a visceral level.

You closed your eyes, trying to think past the echoes of an old voice and the remnants of old touch. You were stuck in limbo, caught between two realities that somehow merged in a single moment. Another kick to the chest and your body caved inwards—the same way it had before.

You could feel your grip on Damian’s reality fading. It was the one you’d prefer any day and it was the one you should be in. Not this one. Yet here you were, taking the hits of hands long in the past.

But . . .

Damian.

“When did we meet?” you demanded more so than asked, the words coming in and out with your breaths.

Despite his shock—and extreme confusion—he didn’t hesitate to answer with a number of years that have passed you by. Questioning you, especially your needs, at this moment wasn’t going to help.

You shook your head, your legs twitching together and back apart, the muscles contracting at random. “What year?” you said, trying to keep your oxygen inside for just a second longer.

He responded simply, your ears catching the sound with ease. The outside chatter cut down to a buzz. You breathed out a little slower.

“How?” you breathed in, your inflection cut off just slightly.

Damian didn’t waver. “We met in high school. I transferred in late and you were assigned as my peer guide to the Academy. You gave me a tour around campus to help figure out my schedule,” he paused, gauging your reaction before adding on just a bit more. “We ended up having a few classes together that year.”

“How old—” you breathed in, “How old were we?”

Damian blinked, his eyes shifting to the side as he recalled, probably doing some kind of mental math in his brain. “I started school when I was fourteen. You were probably fourteen or fifteen at the time.”

You blinked your eyes open, your lungs expanding happily at the information. Realities were disconnecting slowly, each question cutting a strand of fate that had sewed them together. Since neither could coexist, this new information was proof that the voices were just that, the past. Damian didn’t exist in the same era of these voices—these hands—him being here was a testament in it of itself.

The carpet was tinted just so, but it was enough to make it lighter.

“What about now?” you asked.

“What about now?” Damian echoed you, his confusion still prevalent in his voice. “What do you mean?”

You swallowed down the fire. “What year is it?”

For someone so intelligent, he really was not catching on to what was happening. Knowing him, he was probably scanning your head for a concussion right about now. But he didn’t show it outwardly. As much as he was confused and incredibly concerned, this was helping. So even if he didn’t sign up for trivia night, he’d play along—and he was sure as hell gonna win.

He responded factually. The math not only aligned, but since it was late into the year, it wasn’t exactly hard to remember. The buzz got even softer than before. You were able to breath out shakily, the intake was sharp in return but the progress was showing.

“And the date?”

Your eyes had closed softly, a sense of calm starting to breach through the anxiety.

Damian’s response immediately shrouded that progress. Suddenly the voice was right next to your ear and a foot was on your chest, constructing any airflow from ever hoping to come to your lips. The same date. A stupid number that just so happened to align, an anniversary, was enough to derail everything.

Damian’s voice turned to nothing but a buzz, a low rumble with a worried inflection.

He had asked a question. That much you knew. But your eyes had opened to a shade of dark beige and dreary grays, completely at the mercy of a dissociative state.

Even your hands lay limp from where they were resting between your knees, your wrists balanced atop the bony joints. You let it happen. You let your breath get squished underneath calloused hands along the back of your neck and a knee to the spine. You let your fingers go numb and your skin go cold as the room around you soured.

Suddenly it was a different time and a different place entirely.

Just dark beige and dreary grays.

The thuds of footsteps were easily drowned out until it was a simple buzz, just a low static rumbling beneath your skin.

But then your hands lifted at the feeling of fur underneath them. It was soft to the touch, the small fibers splitting away underneath your fingers. The fur shifted, it nosed in-between your pointer and middle finger before sliding down your palm, leaving a slight trail of warmth along your skin.

Your fingers twitched, the ice around them thawing slowly with each press of warmth until you could interact with it yourself. The fur morphed from a body to a small head that could fit just along your palm. Whiskers pressed into your hand as it was used as a scratching post. A head bump and your palm raised with it, only to slide down the back automatically as if your hand had done it a thousand times before.

Just along the back and up to the tip of the tail, just for the head to return for more scratches. You felt the tail wrap loosely around your ankle, shifting and swishing, but always remaining against you.

You scratched at the chin, your chest feeling lighter when the gentle creature tilted their head back to accept more. Reality itself couldn’t deny the creature’s existence, even if they truly wanted your reality to morph into the past.

Yet here it was, defying Reality, with nothing to say aside from a purr. Your hands touched black and your fingers graced white until you could make out the cat yourself, perched contently between your legs.

“Alfie,” you sighed out, half out of astonishment and half out of relief.

“I always seem to find you two together after a hard time,” came Damian’s voice, cutting straight through the static with his deep timbre. “He can help you where I can’t.”

There was still a shake in your breath, your chest still rising and falling with great difficulty, more than Damian liked. He looked up at you briefly before looking back down at the precious cat, one that only seemed to like a few people on this earth. Even if he liked Damian, it was a hell of a taming. But with you, you two clicked instantly.

Damian would never forget the day he found you holding Alfred, hugging him close and the content kitten doing nothing but hugging back with its smaller limbs. Alfred’s little head perched on your shoulder, eyes closed in pure bliss. You were swaying slowly, humming in harmony with the soft purrs omitting from the shorthair.

You were waiting on him, that much he remembered. It was years after you two had met, just shortly after high school graduation and just before Damian started college. That was the blissful moment of limbo where it was just you two hanging out for the summer and getting his apartment together.

That was the day Damian Wayne fell in love with you.

So here you were, years later, yet all the same.

“Alfred gave him to me my senior year,” Damian started. He knew you already knew Alfred’s origin, you were there. But for some reason, exact details of dates were helping you, so he was happy to recall a core memory. “He called it a graduation gift even though the meeting was pure happenstance. He didn’t want to admit the cat reminded him of me, but I knew.”

You glanced up at Damian and he glanced back.

He stated the year easily, the fricative consonants adding to his timbre. “That was the year I fell in love with you. I was nineteen. It started with prom night, I should have known what that feeling was by then. But it wasn’t until late summer that I finally realized I could see no other future than one that was beside you.”

He pointed down at the fuzz ball that was now laying across your crossed legs. “It’s all because of him.”

Your hands pressed into the fur and massaged the skin underneath gently until the final strand of fate was snapped. You looked into the green, seeing each shade of bright emerald and late spring, eucalyptus and summer leaves.

You found your voice and it was among his, miles ahead of the distant voices of the past. You said the same year, finding that your consonants blended with his after being around him for so long. Your voices intertwined in some ways and diverged in others.

“That was the year I fell in love with you.” You responded. “We got bored and decided to paint your bedroom a different color.” You found yourself smiling at the memory, not even thinking twice about how your voice became steady against the mechanics of breath. “We were trying to figure out how to use the paint rollers and you learned the hard way that too much paint was in fact, not, more efficient. You had paint all in your hair after just one swipe.”

You laughed and Damian found himself smiling at the sound. “I managed to get some on your cheeks,” he recalled.

You nodded. “You did,” a slight chuckle shaking your shoulders. “I got you back though.”

“Please,” Damian rolled his eyes, “you were covered in far more paint than I was at the end of the night.”

“Was not!”

Damian hummed in absolute confidence. “As I recall, Alfred gave you a far more disproving look than he gave me.”

“Because he found me first!”

Sometime in the near future, you would retell the events that led you to this moment. From witnessing an event that hit just a little too close to home to the police report that followed, you’d tell him everything.

But for now, you were happy just enjoying the moment with him.

Taglist ♡

@anothertimdrakestan

@cherry-dropp

@missredrobin

#damian wayne #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne x you #damian wayne x y/n #robin #robin x reader #robin x you #robin x y/n #dc #dc comics #batfamily #batman #batman comics #dcu #hurt/comfort #emotional whump

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kiefbowl · 2 months

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Everytime I say to myself "im bisexual" i get this sense of deep guilt, and i just feel like crying flor some reason.

I know im not straight and i know im not a lesbian so the only logical conclusion is that I'm bi but i just dont feel like I am? I also dont feel like I'm allowed to have these feelings of struggle because i see people online say women are prtending to be bi for queer points so i feel like I'm overreacting you know.

Everytime I think of myself being in a relationship with a woman i feel a deep sense of shame.

I feel guilty like im a monster you know. I grew up in a homophobic country and only moved out like 3 years ago so i think maybe thats why ? Idk im just lost. I see people online just like being super happy about being lgb and im like why am I struggling? Im not supposed to feel this way. I feel like a fraud.

I was outed, kind of, I mean I wanst even sure i was bi but she told everyone and like my friends started behaving differently towards me and idk I just well first of all why did she tell people?? I didnt even know if i was into women i just wanst sure i wanted to make sense of it first i felt exposed in a way(dont worry my uni was chill so no physical harm or anyhting like thta)

Like that was my thing!! It was my fukcing thing and you don't get to tell people about it . Why did she do that. I know its not a big deal but now like if you ask me if im out i would say no ? Like no one knows im bi here in this new country.

Im rambling.

I have never said the word "im bisexual" out loud like ever

I'm going to give you permission about something you haven't specifically asked for, but in my wisdom I'm going to grant you this permission:

You don't have to know.

It's okay! You've moved, you're young, you're getting away from homophobia and finding new kinds of homophobia...that's too much stress, just stop worrying about it. So you don't know today, who cares? You'll figure it out. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in 50 years.

If it's causing you this amount of stress, and if all the voices of all these people in your head causing you doubt, then you aren't allowing yourself to discover by simply living. You're becoming a police officer in you head, and you're navel gazing as a form of punishment, and let me tell you, even if you were straight as ruler that wouldn't help you find love and fulfillment.

You're sexual orientation is something natural within you. So whatever feels natural, that's the truth of the matter. If you are trying to attack this as a thinking problem that needs solving, you just won't get there. Go out and party, go out and enjoy people's company, go set life goals and focus on them...and one day when you're not thinking about it you will meet someone you can't deny is the most lovely, beautiful person in the whole world and all you want to do is kiss them. And then you'll know.

This is about no one else but you. This is your sexual orientation, this is your life, and you don't need a peanut gallery weighing in. Fire your shitty friends if you have to. If people ask, you can say "I'm figuring it out" or even flat out say "that's none of your f*cking business." Or, if you want to be funny, pretend you have a very selective hearing problem.

Prioritize the things that you know are fulfilling you right now, and all the stuff you don't know yet will come back around in due time. This is true of love as it's true of everything else we obsess about. You don't have to know everything about yourself to be a good person.

Good luck, sis. Have fun smooching cuties, studying seriously, and enjoying the sun.

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factorialsotherfandoms · 4 months

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a couple prompts

bagi and empanada, baking

archivists, late night

bonus: arthur and joui, cooking

Bagi and Empanada, two characters I dont think I've written much before, being cute! And thank you I'll save the other two for later in the evening, or perhaps tomorrow <3 this is the fluff option!

"Here you go, Empanada, could you gently shake this for me?"

Bagi hands her daughter the bowl, sieve full of flour carefully balanced atop it. She has already added the sugar, weighing the whole lot at once, but the other ingredients still rest on the side.

Empanada takes it gleefully, sieving a little too hard but not enough to spill. Leaving her to it, Bagi squints harder at Niki's recipe book; she knows how to make cookies well enough, but Empanada had been very specific about wanting to make Niki's.

And, oops, the flour was supposed to go in after the sugar and butter were already mixed together. Its... probably fine, the sorts of cookies Bagi used to make with her own parents were made by throwing all of the ingredients in at once, so she doubts it will be too disastrous.

It might not make the right cookies, but it will still make cookies.

With a steadier hand than her uncertainty should allow for, Bagi cuts the butter into small chunks, measuring it up as she goes. By the time she has done Empanada has triumphantly set the bowl down, the flour and sugar sieved thoroughly. There is a little flour on her cheek and a lot on her apron; Bagi drops the butter into the flour and turns to grab a cloth.

When she turns back, Empanada is eyeing the bowl with a frown.

"What's wrong, Empanada?" She asks.

Empanada wipes her hands on an already dirty apron before plucking her notepad from her pocket. Bagi gives her daughter a moment, and is greeted by a page reading "Mama Niki mixed the butter with the sugar not the flour".

"These cookies are special Mae Bagi cookies," she quickly explains. "They'll be like Mama Niki's cookies, just with out own little twist."

Empanada grins, hurriedly flipping the page and writing out her excitement.

Crisis adverted.

"Do you want to rub the butter into the flour, or shall I do it?" She asks.

Empanada hesitates, before rolling up her sleeves. Just before they hit the four, Bagi manages to grab and wipe down both hands. Then, she beats an egg as her daughter does her best to mix it all together.

Both of them can tell that the texture is not what it is supposed to be; Bagi hurriedly adds the egg, sprinkles, and chocolate before she can be judged.

Thankfully, Empanada is more than happy to take the spoon and mix everything together.

"Be careful of your wrists," Bagi reminds, grabbing a tray and covering it in baking paper.

Once Empanada is happy with the mixture, Bagi lets her pick out some cookie cutter shapes while she quickly finishes off the mixing. It is not especially good mixture for shaping, but Enpanada wanted flower cookies and so Bagi will do her best; she rolls it out and Empanada cuts the shapes, and then everything goes in the oven.

Standing back up, Bagi is handed the notebook again. In it, Empanada asks to be allowed to go prepare baskets for everyone. Bagi helps her down from the counter, watching her run off to find things even as Bagi starts on the washing up.

Twenty minutes later, they have a batch of lopsided, oddly textured flower cookies. Bagi can only see their flaws, but Empanada is delighted as she sorts the still-warm cookies into the baskets all decorated up for each of the other households.

Of course, they both taste test first, and leave some for themselves. Bagi... thinks they might be a bit sweet, but Empanada giggles happily so perhaps they are a success.

It's when Empanada takes a fourth cookie that Bagi decides to intervene.

"Go get your coat, and we can make some deliveries," Bagi smiles at her.

Almost immediately, Empanada runs off. Bagi checks the oven is off, throws the baking paper in the bin, and leaves the last few bits of washing up for the evening.

Soon enough, Empanada is back. Bagi helps her with the buttons and in carrying the rest of the baskets, and they set of on their latest little quest.

[All I could think of was making easter cookies and Em in a cute little special easter bonnet and dress carrying baskets of cookies around to all the other islanders, Bagi there also slightly dressed nicely but with her big muddy boots. So it doenst have to be easter cookies, but please imagine.]

#qsmp fanfic #qsmp Bagi #qsmp empanada #fluff

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theguardianace · 6 months

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this has been. wow what a great day this has been.

it starts off at literally one in the morning when its way too hot in my room and it wakes me up. then i get mayyyybe two hours of questionable sleep before im woken up by a nauseous feeling. suffer through that for an hour. end up half sleeping on the bathroom floor for another hour. think im all good, go sleep on my floor (but didnt sleep. oh no did not sleep). at five thirty it gets really bad and i end up throwing up for the first time in half a decade. have i mentioned that i have a genuine fear of throwing up? how i absolutely despise the feeling of wrongness, or the painful sounds it forces out of me, the way it leaves my mouth tasting like acid, the way it smells so vile? i sat there for an actual hour. i took a shower. i thought i was fine. i really did. but then another half nap later whoops back for round two! time to start crying!

it sucked. i had an exam in less than three hours. it was the only exam i needed more than a seventy percent on. i was so ready. and then i was throwing up on my bathroom floor. all alone. it sucked. it sucked so much. luckily he let me reschedule it, but that means that i had to walk all the way to the academic center and ask for it. and walk all the way back.

then im trying to get in touch with my friend who was supposed to go to the airport with me tomorrow but whoops! turns out she's going with someone else and forgot to tell me! so now i have to uber there all alone for the first time in a car with someone ive never met and have no idea if i can trust. and in all the chaos i missed the check in time for my flight and have a horrible seat.

im so tired. im so tired. and im starving but i can't eat because i dont want to go through this AGAIN. like it had even left though! i still feel so gross! nothing will get rid of it!!!! i can't sleep! i cant eat! i can't do anything at all!

#vent

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miss-ery-3 · 2 months

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i dont have much to report on weight wise, as i havent weighed myself since thursday, because i've been drinking alcohol and therefore i am retaining water

i can feel how i am all swelled up rn - my rings feel tighter than normally. i'll weigh myself again once the water retention goes down

but, ofc, i have even more stuff about my whole ✨love life situation✨

i am seeing my bf tomorrow, and i will tell him that i dont think our relationship is going that greatly, and then i'll take it from there. i dont really like to think too much about it, but i also feel more at peace w it - and i think my lil crush is a huge part of that. i really dont need anyone to tell me that i'm a horrible person - i am truly doing my best, both in terms of navigating my feelings and my relationship and my mental health. i'm really not in a good place right now, but at least i can kinda pretend, that my troublesome feelings are some fun new drama that i can share w my friends (you guys teehee)

if you don't care about my love life drama, then its totally ok. if you are, you're in for a treat (maybe idk)

lets call my crush-situation W

aight, so W and i talked all night thursday, and i have quite a lot to report about that night, and then a little about last night

my friend started talking about one time i had a ons w one of my friends, like 3 years ago, and i was quite embarrassed to talk about it. but the others laughed and idk, i figured it was fine. W switched between not laughing at all, just looking down at the table, and then awkwardly laughing a bit while looking at me, and then the table. i dont know what that means??? just as the conversation ended he was like "do u wanna go for a smoke" and then we went outside, and talked about other things.

we had been drinking and joking all night, and he decided to tell some group of girls sitting in the bar, that he and i are childhood friends (big lie, i've known him since summer). and i was like "aight, whatever" and then he lied and told them that i had written him tons of love letters when we were children. and i just laughed and lied and said "yeah haha, i was totally in love with you". when we left the bar, like 2 hours later, and we were all alone, i teased him about something we told the group of girls, and then he was like "yeah yeah whatever, i know that you'll just send me another love letter. you're like tooootally into me hahaha" and i was like "oh yeah, haha, totally. u got me" while walking away and laughing. i might just be fucking overthinking everything but also... why lie about writing love letters? there are much more embarrassing things (for me) he could've said. idk, help me

he texted his girlfriend throughout the night (i think) but looked quite annoyed/not happy whenever he did, and at some point he left the table for like 15 minutes (probably to talk to her). idk

he kept touching my stuff. like my cigarettes and my lighter, he would just sit with them and play with them. i found it quite cute, idk

OKAY, and then to last night (friday) i was in another bar last night, helping out, 'cause i kinda work there (ish, like, volunteer-work) and W was supposed to have a shift later in the evening

he calls me to tell me that he will be running late, 'cause he was at an event, and shit hit the fan, idk. then he asked me if i could cover for him, and i said that i for sure could cover for him. we only talked for 1,5 minute, but idk. my fucking hands went sweaty and i couldn't stand still. i don't think i've ever picked up that fast. uuuughhhhh i feel so weird. whatever

he showed up like 1,5 hours too late (but it was ok, 'cause there really wasn't much to going on), and went directly out to find me (i was smoking) to hug me and apologize for coming so late. then i kept feeling his eyes on me, and i could hear him mention my name a lot of the night

we ended up doing some cleanup together afterwards, and it was just... really nice. we have such a good time whenever we're together and i feel so comfortable around him. except for the part where i keep thinking about how hot i think he is and how want to give him a big old smooch. i had hoped to talk to him some more, but we both went home when cleanup was done, and idk. its fine

i have not been able to keep him out of my head all day. its truly torturous

#thinspø #⭐️ve #amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #eedee tumblr #eedeetwt #amy ranting #i will reach my ugw #low cal restriction #eedee #th!n$piration

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fangswbenefits · 11 months

Note

The quack is ready to attack, anons are supposed to hide bc they're nervous to own up to their HORNY thoughts!!! Not bc its easier to send hate!!! For this once to help comfort you, a soft miguel idea for the lovely ruby:

Imagine shopping w miguel, sweet girl or not, he's patiently standing besides you at all times. Makeup? He's holding out his wrist so you can try swatches. Clothing? Man REFUSES to let you hold the pile you've got, ignoring all the weird stares he gets as this giant ass man waits contently for his desrest to try on their next fit. Shoe shopping? Its worse than not letting you hold your own items, he's sitting you down, bringing the shoes to you and putting them on your feet. It's corny, embarrassing, and god hes just so hot for caring so much. And the little kisses to your ankle aren't helping.

And bro is an enabler. "Idk miguel, its kinda pricey for a shirt," "get it, who cares. Money isn't important" "i dont like it that much," "but you like, right? Price doesn't matter." Its a struggle to get him to STOP buying you things. If you look at an item for a second too long, he's paying for it already. He doesn't expect anything in return either, he would actually prefer it if you didn't try to repay him. He just wants you to have fun and be comfortable all the time.

If you somehow manage to buy something with your own money, that's when he becomes a pain in the ass. Huffing and puffing as you show him new things, frustrated that you wouldn't let him treat you. "You treat me all the time!" "And? What's wrong with one more?" When you both know his 'one nore treat,' is an endless pile. Like saying you'll do something tomorrow for the 10th day in a row.

Reassuring him its a surprise for later can either calm him down or make him even more frustrated. Bc surprises? Okay, he understands, suspense is important to a surprise. But also. If it's a surprise for him... you should've used his card... bc he doesnt want you spending money on him, this is supposed to be about you!

He will calm down eventually, hes just hurt his princess didn't let him take care of them. Even if it was for a soda, or a candy bar, or something small and that little, less than a dollar, hes frowning. He just wants to make sure you never worry about price :((

But he'll get over it. And he'll focus on time with you. He'll smile real wide if you come into HQ with the new clothing you've bought with him. If someone compliments you on it, he's smirking and whispering "told you, you look good." Unless its a flirty compliment, then you're inside his office with a kiss and gentle smile before hes walking out, locking the door behind him without you realizng, so he can go chase down whoever made a move on his sweet thing.

I hope this helped some, i really am sorry people think they can just spew such sensitive topics with no remorse, especially when they don't have a face to it. That makes it feel like they know its wrong, and yet they still do it. Sending you hugs and the reassurance that Miguel and Lyla would find their IP address and report them to the police for you <3

-🦆🦆🦆

The timing of this 🥺🩷 Miguel pampering his princesa??? YES PLEASE! And of course he wouldn’t expect anything in return…. that big big heart 😔🩷

Thank you so much for sending this, my friend!

#answered ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾#🦆 anon

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gideongrovel · 5 months

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rambling vent (still on my trip tho, sorry for the inactivity for those who didn't know)

Last full on my trip rn but i am feeling exhausted,,,, 😭😭😭😭 Tomorrow will be heading home,,, thinking about all the airport stuff has me stressed (not the flying part, I like being high up, its just like the security and people stress me),,, 😓

The trip has been fun mostly,,, but not relaxing in the slightest 😓😓😓 Its been nice to see my older brother since we can geek out about OP together in person, and he like gave me some gifts for it,,,,, but without getting into it,,, there are reasons i dont like being around him either,,, so its a mixed bag 🫤 and my dad is such a misogynist and bigot having to hear the shit he says and not being able to leave when he says it is infuriating 🙄🙄🙄🙄

I am such a shut in, and normally leave the house like maybe 5 times a month if even that,,,,, so going out and about for 9 days straight is alot for me- i know thats nothing to most "normal" people,,,,, but for someone in my life/situation it's alot,,,,,,, being around people and being active so much has me drained completely 😓😓😓😓😓 Im feeling such burn out,,,, and I miss my cats (especially my lil baby ET,, she is very codependent towards me so I've been worried how she has been holding up 😢), also since i was scared of them getting broken or stolen on the plane- i didnt bring my Chop or Brook figures and i miss them too!! I need my wife and bf 😭😭😭😭 Not bring my main comfort items was a big mistake,,, but the stress of something happening also was too much- so I couldn't win either way,,,,

I always feel awful when I get this level of burn out / sad feeling on a trip,,,, they're supposed to be a good time but I've held back from crying a few times now,,,, I just wanna be home in my own bed, shower where im familiar with, being able to do stuff on my own pace, just like my regular routine stuff in general 😭😭😭😭 At the same time going back home means having to deal with some family i dislike being around- which I am not looking forward to,,,, 😓😓😓

Burnout sometimes will put me in depressive episodes, and feeling emotional highs my crashing is always bad,,,,,, 😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓

ALSO I MISS GETTING ON HERE!! IM MISSING SO MUCH NOT BEING ABLE TO CHECK ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭 tumblr crashes too much for me to check anything on my phone,,,, i really hope yall are doing good,,,, like idk if my absence has been noticable or cared about? (/nm) but i do miss yall alot,,, miss seeing your creations and ships 😭😭😭 it will be too much to check 9days worth on everyone pages so i am sorry for everything i missed

But anyways just have to make it though today and the flights tomorrow 😭 then things can go back to normal

#this is incoherent my thoughts are jumping around but this is typed off the dome so sorry about that #my post #also i dont have the energy to read it over so sorry for the typo or any autocorrects that make this hard to read

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gennabi · 2 years

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Hiiii i didnt know wether ur request r open or not, if its not them im sorry and you can ignore this request. Can i request dating headcannons for Opera-san from Mairimashita!Iruma-kun? If you dont want to then its ok, you can ignore this request!

luv ur works! <3 remember to stay hydrated and eat 3 meals a day!

it's actually closed but this made my day, giggling just thinking abt it heh so here ya go 😚 awww thank you so much for loving them!! im honoured 😭🙆‍♂️ i will!! you too anon, please stay healthy n take care of urself <33

dating headcanons

opera x reader (no prns) • 0.6k

romantic; fluff

[ self explanatory title , opera's a little soft bcs yes , cw cussing ]

m!ik masterlist | main masterlist

─does that thing where they would ask for the time you wake up and sleep just so they could text you good morning and good night 🥺

─opera's love language is acts of service bcs i say so

─they love to spoil you!!!

─from letting you sleep in for five more minutes to smtg like

─bathing you and washing your hair themselves when you come home tired, wordlessly massaging your shoulders as you doze off in the bathtub

─also a little mean teasing shit. the funny (or lowkey scary) thing is opera teases with a straight face. straight up spitting lies as if they're facts. if you're oblivious, goodluck figuring out if they're actually being serious or just teasing.

─"y/n, i've heard a rumour that if you don't kiss a certain red-haired butler, iruma is going to hate you and won't talk to you ever again."

"that's not true, he would never do such a thing─"

"you're saying i'm lying when i literally spend day and night in the same castle with him? wow, y/n, i expected better from you."

─they did get their kiss in the end so it all works out i guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

─also the type to play around with hair if you have them. you'll do cute and weird hairstyles on each other during sleepovers awww omg imagine opera w the cat ears hairstyle hfffffjjf

─speaking of sleepovers, would definitely be into face masks n shit but only views them as a "privilege/sleepover thing" if that makes sense

─mostly the big spoon but that's because they like to come in bed later than you, checking buttler stuffs for next morning yk, but if they're having an off day tomorrow, would definitely ask to be the little spoon and your heart just squeezes when their ears do that happy flap 🥺😭😭

─your dates are either staying in or some low-tension stuffs like picnics or having a walk through the streets at night kind of thing, they just like to hang around with you and listen to you talk and ramble :') <33

─loves it when you give them a headpat, like one where you do to actual cats

─they just grab your hand n brings it to their head and you ruffle. the first time iruma and sullivan saw it, they dropped their knees to the ground bcs OPERA PURRED??@$$?&

─when you're having a bad day, opera's ears are down all day :( they feel so bad when you feel bad, what's this. their sweetheart not feeling good? oh no :(

─go to extreme lengths to make you feel better (as u fucking deserve yeah!)

─mf bought a new comforter just so you can lie down comfortably in bed bless sullivan's debit card amen 🙏

─doesn't let you move at all like you wanna go to the kitchen? no need to worry. opera will bring the kitchen to you instead 🫡 *not sure if it'll show but its supposed to be the salute emoji

─spoon feeds you :( <3 and yk the thg they do when they sing a lullaby and pat iruma's body to sleep? yeah, they do that shit too. except they're lying beside you because what if a certain bald demon decides to disturb you in your sleep by being loud? no way they're letting that happen🤕

─also LOVES giving you nicknames 💔💔💔 more so the slightly corny ones lmao

─the thing is they do it so smoothly and with their blank signature face even you didn't notice it the first time.

─"do you prefer something light or heavy for tomorrow’s breakfast, lovebug?"

"_ would be nice─ wait what"

─opera's fav place to kiss is your fingers sighs just imagine you talking to them as they play with your fingers and hum as they give each a delicate peck. also has a habit of kissing the inside of ur hands when u cup their cheeks WAHHH 😭😭💗

okay that's it im going to stop here before i go insane and cry more bcs opera's not real </3

#its so embarrassing that i have to google nicknames bcs my dictionary only consists of babe/baby/my love #im not flirty as ive thought 💔#screw that im not flirty at all MBJAHSHS #gennabi writes 💖#mairimashita! iruma kun fluff #mairimashita! iruma kun scenarios #mairimashita! iruma kun x reader #m!ik fluff #m!ik scenarios #m!ik x reader #opera fluff #opera scenarios #opera x reader

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gh-0st-y · 2 years

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LETS GO BABY ANOTHER FIC YIPPEE

— Top Of Our School

summary : you and riddle have always been at eachothers neck, aiming to have a higher score than the other in any test. but when a project worth 60% of your grade shows up and you and riddle are paired together, you have to put your hatred aside.

cw : nothin much, swearing, gn!reader

a/n : riddle x reader academic rivals to lovers is the best trope, change my mind - theres also a change from 1st person to 2nd randomly so

riddle was annoying. acting like he knows whats right and whats wrong, all high and mighty with his crown and scepter, collaring anyone who dare disobey. what a prick.

every time we had a test, i could see his stupid face, how his lips were practically stuck in a smug way, then he would look at me with that smug look. fucking bastard. i always gave him a tight lipped smile.

we'd been at eachothers neck for seven knows how long - one test hes above my mark and the next ive beaten him by a mark or two. back and forth like a swing. i despise him.

i hate him with his big pretty grey eyes that stare at my mark with a hateful look, knowing ive beaten him once again. i hate his perfect lips that quirk into a smile when he sees ive lost. i hate the way his eyebrows furrow everytime hes lost. i hate his guts.

"alright. you have a project due in four weeks. you must work in pairs, which i have chosen for this," crewel spoke as he began to pair people together. you could only hope youd be paired with someone good.

"riddle and..[name]." crewels voice rang through your ears, and you stopped breathing. what? riddle? that must be a mistake, theres no way.

after the lesson finished, you walked up to crewel, an angelic smile on your face to persuade, "crewel, sir - is there any chance i could swap partners? im not sure me and..riddle will work together very well," you asked as politely as you could muster in this situation.

"sorry pup, but i cant. even still, you two have the highest grades - what makes you think you wont work well together?" way to crush a persons hope

"well, sir - we just dont..communicate very well." you chuckled nervously, clenching your teeth together.

"well this project is worth 60% of your grade so..you best start learning to communicate better." crewel chuckled. you could feel your pride shatter.

walking out of the classroom, you groaned. until a voice spoke

"so we're paired together." riddles annoying obnoxious voice spoke up.

"WHY ARE-" you breathed, "why are you here?!"

"because we need to work together. let us head to the library." he walked off, and you stood there, eye twitching. the next two weeks were going to be hell.

or thats what you thought. but after two weeks, it wasnt as bad as you thought. though hes ever so headstrong about the million and one rules up his ass, its surprisingly not as hard to talk to him.

"–that is it for today. we will continue this tomorrow, as per usual." riddle stood up from his seat in ramshackle, gathering all of his belongings.

"wait, why do you always have to end it at-" you looked at the time on your phone, reading 4:00, "- four?"

"because rule—"

"oh my seven, stop with the rules for once," you groanes, standing up. riddle looked shocked, staring at your figure

"pardon? what did you say?" he spoke, his eyes blown with anger.

"i said stop with the rules for once. take a break or something, or stay here and get more of this project done," you walked over to him, trapping him against the wall, looking down at him. you moved your face closer to his, using you hand to holding chin, almost studying him. you could feel riddles face heat up beneath your fingers, and his breath hitching as your lips came scarily close.

chuckling, you stepped back, "or dont. you can leave, i dont care," you shrugged, tidying up your stuff.

"w-well–..i suppose i can stay a bit..longer," riddles voice spoke shakily. you turned back around to face him, raising a brow at his sudden change of decision. but instead of looking at your eyes, he looked between your lips and the floor.

"eyes up here, rids." you pointed to your eyes, watching how his face exploded in red

"i-i know-!"

he was cut off with your lips against his, "you seemed so enthralled by me, i thought id let you have a taste."

riddle felt like he was going to faint, no words escaping him. but he wasnt mad, infact, he was very happy.

maybe being paired together was fate.