#i don't watch forever's pov so i could be wrong. however. i think he understands the bbh. you have to torment him a little

[q-nihachu]

chatters saying bbh should involve the admins over the songs don't understand him at all. forever is doing this to cheer him up. and it's working

#i don't watch forever's pov so i could be wrong. however. i think he understands the bbh. you have to torment him a little #qsmp

[dinner-djarin]

Next To You (Bucky x reader)

Just a little one shot I wrote after watching FATWS on repeat. (I tried to make it gender neutral but I may have missed something so I'm sorry if it's not!)

Rating: Mature

No use of Y/N

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: Bucky is having nightmares, and you're there to comfort him. Based on the Julia Michaels song If You Need Me. (so if the ending sounds dumb go listen to the song you'll understand why lol)

Warnings: Fluff & angst I guess idk, kinda dark themes, because well it's Bucky. Just two people who have definitely been through some shit. Oh ya that reminds me swearing. Suggested that intercourse has happened but nothing descriptive. A little (a lot) about trauma but mostly about nightmares. If I missed something pls lemme know, I don't want anyone to feel triggered reading. But if you can watch the show and be fine, you'll probably be okay with this.

Also just letting you know if I put ~ its cause I switch the focus from Bucky to reader, but I'm not switching POV completely its all written in reader POV.

Every night brought pieces of the past. He never knew which memory would be dragged to the surface once he let his subconscious take over - clawing and scrapping against the walls he put up, begging to be let out; to be confronted.

Some nights were worse than others of course.

He wasn’t sure how he was ever going to out run the monsters of his past. For a while he just stopped sleeping. It may not have been a permanent fix, but he thought some relief was better than none at all. He used to go days, even weeks, without sleep during the war, so he figured it might be the best way to silence the past.

Dr. Raynor, however, caught on quick.

A lot of her methods seemed like bullshit to Bucky. He could tell she was genuinely trying to help him, but he doubted anything she had anything to offer him that would prove to be effective.

But at the end of the day she was definitely no fool. He had a tough time lying to her. She didn’t take anyone's crap, and that might have been the only reason he trusted her, even a little. It may have been the only reason he actually gave it a sincere try (besides the fact he’d be arrested if he didn’t).

So he probably shouldn’t have been surprised when she caught on to his sleep strike. In fact she called him out on it only three days in. He thought he’d get longer than that. Even so, he was almost relieved. After only 72 hours he already felt the nightmares slowly creeping into the day. Every time a door slammed or a car horn blared his body tensed. Every time he turned a corner he’d reach for a knife he no longer carried. So maybe it was better to let his past haunt his nightmares. That way he’d be alone when the memories took over. That way he wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

But he made a mistake. He did what he told himself he could never do. He let you get too close.

Falling asleep in your arms felt better than any therapy session he could ever imagine. It was the first time in forever he could remember what it was like to be his younger self. The version of him that marvelled at the idea of flying cars; who thought he could save the world by enlisting. The dreamy eyed boy who was hopeful for the future, who thought he had a future.

Lying next to you made him feel in control, like his problems didn’t matter. He was there to keep you safe, and warm, and comfortable. He never thought he’d feel like that with anyone. He didn’t think he was allowed.

You didn’t question his metal arm for starters. When Bucky took off his jacket, after the hundredth time you insisted - “It’s like 100 degrees in here Bucky, please take it off, you’re gonna melt” - he thought he’d instantly regret it. But you simply looked at it with wonder for only a moment, before returning your eyes up to his own. Staring back at you, he saw the wheels in your brain click into place. He could almost hear your thoughts as you decided what your next move would be.

In the blink of his eyes you tore your shirt off and stood completely still in front of him. For a moment his emotions were mixed, and he worried where your sudden advancement came from, but then he saw it. A thick white mark slashed across your torso.

You took only one step forward before speaking. “It’s not exactly… I know it’s not the same thing at all. But the scars - the marks we carry - they’ll be with us forever, whether we like it or not. Even if they remind us of the worst pieces of ourselves, or the worst moments of our lives, it reminds us that we can move forward. And it reminds me that there’s something to move forward to. I don’t know…it doesn’t really make any sense but somehow it’s almost comforting.  To know that something will always be with us, till the end”

His mouth was on yours in an instant.

He had been hesitant to let anyone in. After coming back - after going through everything he’d been through - he felt like damaged goods. He worried that the minute he let himself be happy, everything would come crashing down again, and he had good reason to believe it. It just kept happening over and over. It seemed like every time he found even a small amount of peace, the battle made its way back to him.

But when he found you, when he felt you, he felt peace. The softness of your skin, the gentle wave of your hair, the light scrape of your fingernails against his back and chest, your quiet moans muffled by his own mouth on yours. Being with you made the horrors of his past melt away. Even when you clamped down around him and bit into his shoulder muscle, even when he knew you’d left marks all over his skin. Knowing they came from you made all the difference. They didn’t remind him of the wars he fought, or lives he took, or the atrocities he committed. The sting of your nails and teeth weren’t pains from his past, they were reminders of his present, of the possibility of a life he could have. With you.

But in the end he knew that it was all wishful thinking. He knew he wasn’t cut out for that type of future. He knew you deserved better.

So he decided to let you off easy, to disappear from your life, leaving your shared experience to the confines of your bedroom. A memory, nothing more. He knew he’d have to sneak away once you fell asleep, because that way it might not feel real. Everything that happened between you might disappear with him.

But then he fucked up.

He was waiting for your breath to even out, a sign he would take to mean you had fallen asleep, but after listening to the air rush out of your body, and watching your bare chest rise and fall, your hypnotic essence overpowered his will, and he fell asleep alongside you.

Only he wasn’t asleep for long.

Eventually the past caught up, as it always had a way of doing. Images, and sounds, and smells all came flooding back to his uninhibited brain - sleep made him an easy target. He was vulnerable to every torment he caused, and every mission he was forced to carry out. Tonight was no exception. His brain managed to sift through every wall he thought he had up, and trudge yet another painful memory to the surface. The image of himself taking life after life, cruelly and viciously. There was no remorse, no stopping him. He saw every crime lord and politician he was made to terminate. Until his brain moved away to a new idea. The image of a young woman. Innocent and pure. But in the way of his mission. The Winter Soldier spared none.

He woke up in a blind panic. His surroundings were unfamiliar. Something was wrong. Was he being held captive or-

~

“Hey,” you made yourself known to him, and he twisted his head back to see you sit up beside him. You were quiet, and a worried expression blanketed your face.

Is he angry, you thought for a moment? No. Your brain was tired, and it was slow to process. Not angry, scared.

You knew from the minute you saw his arm that there was more going on. You already had some suspicions, nevertheless you expected there to be something like this.

For a moment, the two of you stared at each other in silence. You watched him regain his breath, and you carefully shifted your legs to sit crossed underneath you.

His steel blue eyes cut through the darkness, pinning you down. You wondered what was going on in his mind, what he might be doing to regain his grip on reality. You knew this moment too well. The quiet. The darkness. The fear. Not sure of how to move forward.

You were scared too, but not of him - more like you were scared for him. You knew he must be going through something, and you wanted to be there to help, but you also knew that was easier said than done. “Being there to help” was a nice concept, but in reality - well things were generally more complicated. You didn’t know if it’d be alright to approach him, mainly because you were unsure of your role in all this. Were you really someone he wanted around when he was so obviously vulnerable? You’d never seen him so raw and exposed, like a wound you wished you could tend to, while also fearing that your interference could make things worse.

You knew he wasn’t going to ask for your help, you could see he wasn’t that kind of man, but maybe if you made the first step, and let him choose - maybe he’d let you in. So, you held out your hand and waited. After a moment, you saw him move, only slightly though. His eyes darted down towards your hand and he subtly lifted his fingers off the bed. But it only lasted a second. He froze again, hand hovering near yours, and that’s when you realized he had been reaching for you with his left hand. You had been wary to touch it before, you thought it was probably a sensitive subject. Something about the idea of touching his metal arm seemed more personal, if that was possible. Like only the most trusted people in his life might be allowed to… and maybe not even then.

You felt your own eyes drop to your lap, an almost nervous energy now emanating in the space between you. But just before you could drop your hand too, his fingers hesitantly entwine with yours.

You shot your eyes up to see his right hand grazing the palm of your left. As your gaze slowly elevated, you found your way to meet his own eyes, only to notice the very sudden change in them. Whatever fear or darkness hid their before had now melted away. You couldn’t place it, but whatever emotion he now held sent a chill from your core to your fingertips. A lump in your throat formed and for a moment, you thought you might never be able to breath again. The look in his eyes was almost soft, but with a hint of yearning. Fire was blazing through every nerve in your body, while a chill kissed your skin, making every hair stand on edge.

Feeling outrageously brave, you took your free hand up to his jaw and held him there, gently swiping your thumb over his cheek, and allowing your fingers to reach slightly past his hairline and to the back of his neck. You wondered if he could feel the raging storm of your emotions through your touch.

“You okay?” you managed to whisper to him.

“Nothing I haven’t dealt with before” his answer pierced your ears with a hard tone, refusing to let any vulnerability resonate in his voice.

You shake your head at him, wishing he wouldn’t play pretend. “Okay then,” you mumble, letting your hand drop from his face. But as it fell, Bucky was quick to grab it, and hold it with a gentle squeeze. When you looked at him again, you knew he meant it as a reassurance, trying to tell you that he was okay.

~

He couldn’t handle the way you looked at him. Like you could see every thought in his head. A knowing gleam in your eyes told him that you didn’t believe him, and you’d be right not to. He wasn’t okay. He never really was. There was so much darkness surrounding him, poisoning every inch of his life. But you. Your touch was gentle and your voice was kind, and even though he had just seen your scar, he couldn’t help but think your world must have been so much brighter than his own. Looking in your eyes, he almost wished he’d never met you. He was so afraid that his pain might infect you too, the only good thing he had left. He wouldn’t ever be able to forgive himself if he let that happen; if he let his past ruin your future.

He wanted to leave, he needed to get out, before any of that could happen.

He slid off the bed quickly, and made his way to grab his clothes, but before he could you grabbed his hand - his left hand.

“Please Bucky don’t.” was all you could say. But the way your voice broke, on the verge of tears, fear of being rejected, of being left alone in the dark by the only man you ever wanted to let in - it was enough to stop his heart. He stood there, frozen from your touch. You kept his hand in yours, and for a second you worried it was too much. You worried you betrayed whatever trust you had built with him. Just holding his bare metal hand felt more violating and revealing than the fact that both of you remained completely naked. But you didn’t want to pull away. You didn’t want him to think you were afraid of him, afraid of the fact his hand could pulverize yours in a second - because you weren’t. You’d felt his touch. You knew how gentle and caring he could be. And you wanted him to see it too. That he wasn’t defined by his worst fears.

You pulled your body towards him, kneeling at the edge and facing him, “You don’t have to leave.” you spoke softly, as if he might be spooked and run off if you were any louder. “You don’t have to push everyone away. Please don’t push me away… I-”

Before you could finish, he was crashing into you. His tongue invading your mouth, like he was trying to soak up your unsaid words. His hands held your waist in place against his, steady and strong, but there was still resistance in his fingers; a hesitance to use too much force with you. You could feel how he feared he might hurt you.

Slowly you leaned back, feathering your fingers over his shoulders to guide him with you, and when he hovered over you, you let them slide into his hair, grabbing what you could and leading his head down…

~~~~

You lay there in the dark with your head on his chest, listening to his steady heart, feeling the crisp sting of metal graze your back. And even though you knew it was ridiculous, all you could think about was how you wanted to keep him safe. The man was stronger than any other human being, and probably thought you were fragile and helpless, and needed his protection more than anything. But still, you wanted him to be okay. You wanted him to know he could be safe.

“I’ll fight them for you.” you whimper quietly, suddenly worried that Bucky may have already fallen back to sleep.

“Huh? Who- what do you mean?” his words stuttered and tripped over his tongue. His half sleeping brain was suddenly running a mile a minute trying to decipher your statement. Who were you fighting? Why would you need to fight them for him? Surely he was more capable of fighting anyone off. He should be protecting you-

“The monsters” you said a little louder. The words feel childish and awkward in your mouth, and once you said them, you wished to take them back. But you decided to push forward, “if you want me to… if you need me… I’m here”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barns x reader #bucky x you #bucky x reader #fatws bucky #fatws #the falcon and the winter solider spoilers #tfatws #fanfic #post snap #marvel

[mshomestyle]

Bruh. I'm totally not helping with the Hawks-Centered stuff on this blog, but that angsty Hawks thing got me thinking. Something like that but either he leaves and when he comes back the place is destroyed a la kidnap. Or she leaves and gets kidnapped anyway. I wanna see his guilt and regret either way. His POV if possible. If you even feel like doing this of course, I know you're pretty busy so if you don't like this, please feel free to toss this out!

I don’t mind doing it! And hey, Hawks is 🔥. There’s just no getting around that. XD

Warnings: arguments, angst, kidnapping

Hawks x Reader [Angst and Kidnapping]:

It was something that was a part of the job of being a hero. Dealing with adoring fans just came with the territory, and Keigo didn’t exactly mind letting them get a bit too close or holding him tight. They were his supporters after all, and he knew that many of them reacted this way towards him because he was attractive. There was just no getting around that, so why not give them a bit of fan service?

“Alright! And I know that I can count on your continued support, right?” Hawks chuckled as he held the woman’s hand, who looked like she might faint.

“Oh, definitely! I will cherish this interaction forever!” she squealed happily.

“I will, too,” Hawks smiled. He waved the woman off as she left, barely being able to walk properly now, before turning to look at you, “Ready to go home?” You nodded, though for some reason, you didn’t seem as cheerful as you had been just moments ago. Perhaps you were tired, and if you were, you going home now would be the proper solution.

When you both made it back, finally, having gone on a date, Hawks couldn’t help but to notice that you seemed sort of lost. Maybe you were waiting for him to continue this time together, but whatever it was, he wanted to make sure that you were okay and enjoying yourself. “Did you have fun tonight~?” Keigo asked as he wrapped his arms around from behind, starting to kiss at the back of your ear. He felt you shivering slightly in his hold, making him know that what he was doing felt pleasurable to you.

“It was okay,” you merely said as you pulled away quickly. It was a bit confusing at first, but with that it wasn’t hard for Keigo to guess that something was up.

“Something wrong?” he asked, watching as you started to undo your hairstyle while heading to the bedroom.

“I’m just tired,” you grumbled. It had to have been more than that, and really, Keigo didn’t like to see you so upset.

“Come on, babe, if something’s wrong then tell me,” he said, “I mean, you seemed happy at the beginning of the night. What happened?” Finally, you turned to look at him, though much to Keigo’s surprise, you were glaring at him.

“Do you really not know?” you asked, sitting at the edge of the bed. Keigo was a bit taken back by this, but he still felt rather calm. He was sure you’d tell him what was up.

“I’m drawing a blank,” he sighed with a shrug. That proved to be a mistake on his part, as you rolled your eyes.

“Seriously, you don’t?” you asked, “How many times must I tell you to stop flirting with your fans and letting them touch all over you? It’s just disrespectful, and the last thing I want to do is see it when we’re supposed to be spending time together.” At your words, Keigo rubbed at his eyes. So, that was what it was? He never really took you as the jealous type, but you had to know that he didn’t mean anything by it.

“[Name], you know I don’t let them go too far,” he said, “And besides, it’s not a big deal, and as I’ve told you before it’s business. I mean, how else do you think I got so popular at such a young age?” You were visibly staring to become more aggravated at his response.

“Yeah, that was before you were in a relationship,” you told him, “And like I said, doing it is one thing, but doing it in front of me? Like, honestly, do you really have to be so flirty? You think I want to see that?!”

“You’re making this out to be a much bigger deal than it is,” Keigo said. He had to admit that he was getting a bit annoyed with this. He just didn’t see it as something to draw up this much concern. “It’s not like I’m kissing them or, I don’t know, having an affair.” He rolled his eyes and at that, and the next thing he knew, you stood up, looking rather angry.

“Seriously, Keigo?! Did you really just have to say that? No shit, you aren’t having an affair. It’s about respecting me and not being inappropriate, and you really can’t even do that?” you asked, “How would you feel if I let random guys hug all over me and say things that just encourage that behavior? Huh?!”

“You’re making this way worse than it is, and that’s not a fair comparison at all. I mean, this is how it’s always been with my line of work, and you knew that coming into this relationship,” Keigo said. Perhaps it was wrong of him to think, but, no, he wouldn’t dare let another guy touch you. He felt, right now, that it was a different situation, though! What you described could potentially be dangerous for you.

“Well, excuse me for thinking you’d have some sort of common decency towards me and would know that there’s a difference between how you’re supposed to act while you are and aren’t in a relationship,” you rolled your eyes as you left the room.

“[Name]? Where are you going?” Keigo asked as he followed you. Were you truly that upset by what he did?

“To find someone that understands respect,” you grumbled as you unlocked the front door.

“You can’t be serious?” You didn’t respond as you left, and in that moment Keigo knew that he had to think long and hard about all of this as seeing you leave did strike something with him. Perhaps there was some truth in what you said. Either way, though, he was tired and expecting you to come back soon so that you could properly discuss this.

Keigo spent the entire night tossing and turning. You were late. Or rather, where were you? He expected that you would have been back home by now, but by the time morning hit and you weren’t there, he grew a bit concerned. ‘Calm down, she probably just spent the night at a friend’s house.’ His thoughts were easier said than done as he tried to call you during the entirety of his morning routine. Keigo probably called you over fifty times in all, and the more he did, the more anxious he became.

After getting ready for work, Keigo headed out, still trying to convince himself that everything would be fine. The second he made it to his office, however, “Hawks!” one of his sidekicks rushed into the office with a laptop in hand. Keigo looked at him rather confused, wondering what could have made the man so over the top this morning.

“What is it?” he asked.

“L-Last night,” he was a bit out of breath, “Someone reported a kidnapping in the downtown area near the central alleyways! When we were able to find out the location, we got access to the street cameras to check them, and well…” He trailed off, looking incredibly sorry.

“Well what?” Keigo asked. His sidekick didn’t say a word, but rather placed his laptop on Hawks’s desk and pressed play. The first thing Keigo saw was you, walking, which caused his heart to start beating fast. It couldn’t be….It just couldn’t. The next thing he knew a car came and hurriedly stopped in front of you. And as Keigo watched two villains get out and start to attack you, he felt as if he couldn’t watch this anymore. Still, he could not tare himself away. You put up a fight, but in the end, they overpowered you and knocked you out.

“We then received a ranso-Hawks?!” Keigo couldn’t stand this anymore as he flew out a nearby window, hoping to find any clues at the scene of the crime.

This was all his fault! How could he have been so stupid to let you leave so late at night by yourself-No, how could he be so stupid to undermine your feelings instead of listening and letting you know that your concerns were valid? You had been kidnapped because of him. If he would have just understood how disrespected you felt and just listened then none of this would be happening.

All you wanted was for him to not be so touchy and flirty with his fans, and what did he do? He drove you to leave, by simply not accepting how you felt. He should have been kinder and looked into your feelings. He felt regret, and the second he found you, which he certainly would, he was going to let you know just how sorry he truly was.

#hawks x reader #hawks #keigo takami x reader #keigo tamaki #mha keigo takami #keigo x reader #reader #reader insert #My hero academia #boku no hero academia #boku no hero x reader #my hero x reader #drabble #drabbles #angst

[one-shot-plus-size]

Sadness is like rain sometimes it has to come

Imagine :  Clayton Cardenas meets his friend, but has no idea this is their last meeting.😢😢😢

Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language. They will accept any attention and criticism :).

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

They say true love comes once in a lifetime. And that's what she is, she has always been, although I realized it so damn late. She was always with me, always supported me in the hardest moments, but also was with me in the best. If only I had spoken that day, had told her how he was doing. If only I could handle fear and stress. Everything would have ended differently, she would be with me forever.

A year before.

- Listen to what I recorded recently." Clayton handed me his phone and headphones.

I put them in my ears and started playing. I watched a music video that was matted in a fairly professional manner. I tried to focus on what is in the text. However, the mere presence of Clayton made it quite difficult for me. Clayton Cardenas has been my friend for over 7 years. When we met, I was after my 4-year relationship broke up. He helped me get up after all this, we promised ourselves that we would never fall in love with me. Unfortunately, my feelings for Clayton grew with each passing month. And now I can boldly admit that I fell in love with him to my ears. But a given promise must be kept.

- And how do you like it ? - he glanced at me.

- You have talent - I smiled - it's really good.

- Thanks - he grinned from ear to ear - any plans for the weekend?

- I don't know yet. Are you going to shoot?

- Yes - he breathed - the second season of the Mayans MC is about to begin and we have a lot to do.

- Good - I poked his shoulder - You have a job, you like doing it. Play as a hot Angel.

- You think I'm hot? - he was surprised.

- Dżizas Clay, I groaned, of course that's the only thing you'll catch in the whole sentence.

He grinned from ear to ear.

- Did I pump up your ego?

- Yes, he replied without hesitating.

- Do you remember how we met?

- Of course you are, those tearful moans are hard to forget.

- Oh shut up - I hit him hard on the shoulder.

I jumped off the crate of his pickup truck and looked up at the sky as I walked away a bit. Being on this hill, you had a view of the whole city. The lights flickered happily, life in LA was just beginning. I rubbed my arms with my hands and took a breath of fresh air. I felt his hands on my shoulders, he rubbed them and then he hugged my back.

- What's happening ? I have the impression that you are far away in your mind lately

- So many things change in life, in my surroundings. In me and you are always next to me, I sniffed.

- Hey - he turned me to face him - I'll always be with you, you're my best friend, you're always supporting my grumpy ass.

- I won't be able to be with you anymore. I can't go on, we promised each other we'd always be friends but it's over. I have feelings for you, I love you for several years and keeping it inside is wrong.

Pov Clayton

My mental body tensed and she pulled away from me.

- I know you only treat me like a friend, I fully understand that. Sorry, Clay, but I wasn't planning it, well, I didn't want it to end like this. I'm going home now, it's too much for me.

 She took a deep breath and headed for the car. I didn't move an inch, it felt as if I was paralyzed. I squeezed my eyes tight and took a deep breath.

 - Fuck - I turned.

💬O - I'm sorry baby, I love you too. Yes, I was stupid.

Her car was gone around the corner. I went to my car, now it dawned on me that I loved her too. It was her, she was always with me, always supporting me. She gave her heart to me, and I got behind the wheel and followed her. As I left the main road my heart stopped. I jumped out of the car, her SUV was on the roof and the truck was hammered into its side. I covered my mouth with my hand from which a sob escaped me. Her body was half outside and half inside. I felt like someone was tearing my heart out. I stood as if someone had embedded me in the asphalt. I couldn't move any part of my body. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, her head lying not naturally arched and her eyes wide open. 

She looked as if she was staring at me, her hand clutching the phone.

NOW

- I remember, honey, when we met, you were a crying mess. But your eyes were so deep and blue that I couldn't take my eyes off you. When you told me what that asshole did, I wanted to kill him. To ended differently. You had so many plans, so many lives ahead of you. - I rose from my knees - Sorry, honey, you will always have a special place in my heart. I love you baby I will always be.

I put flowers on her tombstone. I ran my finger over the date of death, exactly a year ago.

#Clayton Cardenas #love #sadness is like rain sometimes it has to come #crying

[heathermcnamara3628]

There's also this

Late Night Talks

Pony's POV

     I jolted upward from my very unrestful slumber. I had just had a nightmare. Desperately, I looked around for Soda. After a little bit, I came to a realization. Sodapop wasn't here anymore. He was dead. He died in action. But he couldn't be dead. He was alive. He was alive and fighting and trying to get home. He wasn't dead. But he was. He was dead, and it was Darry's fault. Darry let him leave. Darry got my big brother killed.

     I felt something wet on my cheek, and that's when I realized that I was crying. I quickly got up out of bed, going over to the closet. After digging through it for what seemed like forever, I found what I was looking for. Soda's old flannels. I grabbed one and wrapped it around me, taking in the slowly fading smell that used to be my brothers. It took a few minutes, but I started to calm down. After I'd convinced myself that everything was okay, I quietly walked across the small room and to the door.

     I put a shaky hand on the knob, turning it slowly to keep the noise down, then opened the door up. I was thankful that the hinges hadn't made their usual loud squeak, or else Darry would be coming over to yell at me to go back to bed. I quietly crept out down the hall and into the kitchen, grabbing one of the cups from the cupboard. I turned the cold handle of the sink just a bit, so that the water would come out in a small trickle, then filled the cup.

     Once my cup was filled, I turned the water off, then started the small trek back the my room. As I got closer to the bathroom, I realized that the shower was running. I froze where I stood, watching. I couldn't help but hope that Soda would walk out of the bathroom, asking me where his shirt or pants were as soon as he saw me. He never yelled at me. It was almost like Soda couldn't yell at me. I could get in trouble with the cops, and all he'd do was tell me that I should've been more careful, keeping his voice soft. If Darry heard that I had a fuzz run in, he'd be damn near tempted to beat me.

     The bathroom door suddenly opened, and instead of Soda, it was Darry. As soon as I saw him, I backed up and hoped that he didn't see me. Sadly, he did. He saw me real well too.

     "Morning little buddy," he said. I was in shock, and not just because he only ever really called Soda that, so the nickname 'little buddy' hadn't been used in a while, but because he didn't seem angry with me. He jus seemed calm.

     "Morning Dar..." I replied, obviously somewhat shaken.

     He gave me a soft, tired smile, then went into the kitchen. I followed him slowly behind, trying to be as quiet as I could. Darry didn't bother looking back at me. Instead, he went and grabbed a carton of eggs and went to work on breakfast. I watched from a little ways away as he cooked, sipping my water every so often. For the first time since we'd received the letter saying Soda was dead, Darry and I were in the same room, and at peace. I could just barely picture Soda looking down on us with mom and dad, a small smile on his face, eyes lit up, proud at Darry and I for getting along. Proud at the gang for building what small bit was left of it back up. Proud of everything. Hell, even though I didn't wanna think about it too much, he was probably proud of Sandy too.

     The last time I saw Sandy was at Soda's funeral. Darry had let her come, but only because he knew that Soda would've wanted her to. It was weird to see her again. This time though, she wasn't the Sandy who had lived in Tulsa. She wasn't Soda's girl. She was a single mother who'd come to visit only to find out that the man she wanted to say sorry to was dead in a trench somewhere. The one she'd kept a child for, was gone. He was gone before she could say goodbye. Gone before she could apologize for leaving him. Gone before she could tell him that she wanted him back. She had cried a lot that day. The worse part though, was seeing her after. She was still crying a bit, even though she didn't need to be, and her tears and lack of being able to pull herself together, prevented her from explaining to the small, almost two year old girl, why she was crying.

     A loud noise snapped me out of memory lane, and I looked up to see Darry grabbing plates. He had what looked to be a worried expression on his face, though I couldn't really tell, and he seemed more tense then he was before. I brushed it off, watching as he got some food on a plate. He then turned, handing the plate to me. I took it and went to sit at the table. Darry followed shortly after.

     Once I'd started eating, Darry looked at me from across the table, a serious look on his face. I looked back at him, chewing a bit slower then I was before, thinking that the look he was giving me was just because he thought I was going to choke if I kept chewing so fast. For the second time tonight, I was wrong. Very wrong.

     "Alright Ponyboy, you've got some explaining to do," he told me. "It's one o'clock in the morning, on a school night of all things, and it's also four hours until my paper comes, yet here we are."

     I looked down at my food, picking at it with my fork. "I had a nightmare and couldn't fall back asleep," I mumbled. I looked back up to see that Darry's eyes had gone soft, and that he had a sympathetic look on his face.

     He nodded a bit, then said, "I suppose that's better then 'I haven't slept', or 'I feel sick'."

     "Yeah... I guess it is huh?" I was talking quietly, just because I had no clue if Darry would want me to raise my voice even the slightest. I didn't wanna risk it.

     He let out a long, exasperated sigh, then took a small bite of his food. I finally swallowed mine, then excused myself for a bit to go get more water. I could tell that Darry was watching me, or that he was about to say something. He was always the first to break silences that didn't need to be, or that didn't want to be broken.

     "Well Pone, since you're up, I guess I might as well talk to you about a thing or two." I nodded quietly, not wanting to talk. My mind was continuously wandering back to thoughts of Soda, Johnny, and sometimes even Dally. It made me wanna cry, but I knew that that was something I just couldn't do in front of Darry.

     Once I sat back down, he opened his mouth again, ready to speak. "I just wanted to let you know that I understand that things have been hard for you lately. I can't even imagine how awful this must be on you, having lost three people in the span of not even two years. I really do feel your pain. I know that I don't act like I do, but that's because I have ti be the strong one.

     "It's just as hard for me as it is for you. But I can however say with an honest heart, that Soda would want you to move on. He would want you to try and live a happy life again, even if that means forgetting about him for a bit. He cared a whole lot about you Pone. You need to let him know that he can rest easy." I nodded a bit, and the tears started flowing.

     Shoving my breakfast away from me, I got up. Darry looked up at me, seeming surprised. "I'm gonna go back to bed Dar. Also, I hope you don't mind, but I'm gonna go see Curly tomorrow." I didn't even let him answer, just went back to bed with a clear conscious, hoping that now, maybe sleeping would come easy.

Word count: 1426

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