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#i don’t know what to do and it’s making me stressed and i don’t actually care that much it’s just

eightstarr · 3 days

Text

visions — abby anderson.

summary: a love letter to trying (or the time when you met your favorite people in the world, an overly stressed med student and her overly adventurous one-year-old, in your apartment's hallway).

notes: constantly suffering from chronic baby fever so this is a present from me to you because i spend way too much time thinking about abby as a mom <3

୨・┈﹕✦﹕﹕✦﹕┈・୧

You’re stepping out of the elevator when you suddenly hear it— a series of light thumps on the floor, fast but determined like a tiny little elephant who really has somewhere to be right now. Another step and then you stop clumsily when a flash of golden hair comes rushing past you. You follow the sight with your eyes, tilting your head. A little girl is walking, no, stomping through the hallway. She’s no older than two years old, her thin shining hair in two short braids, blue jean overalls and red socks on her feet. She moves so confidently that you almost don’t think about it, almost have the instinct to look away as if to not accidentally appear nosy, but her tiny stature and wobbly sense of direction keep your attention.

You look around the hallway, expecting surely the sound of the little girl’s parent calling her name (something sweet and pretty and classic, you imagine; it’d suit her). You picture her name being followed by a tired sigh before her patents rush to catch up, maybe rolling their eyes in a way that pretends to be annoyed but unmistakingly holds a million times more affection. A perfect family, a tiny glimpse of a full life somehow existing right in your unimportant building.

The hallway is long and terribly empty. You look back at the little girl who is striding forward in less of a rush now, with no worries, like this is the same route she’s taken for years.

What are you supposed to say to get a kid’s attention when you don’t know their name? What’s something concise, yet nice, yet simple enough to be understood? Babysitting as a teen has prepared you for a lot, just maybe not all of it. It's been a little too long. You linger on it for just a second before spitting out the first thing that comes to mind. “Hi, princess,” It’s a little awkward, but you’re relieved when she immediately stops and spins around, like something about it sounded familiar— could be your sweet tone or the nickname, you’re not sure. The little girl tilts her head to the side, round cheek lightly squished against her shoulder. It's the cutest thing you’ve ever seen and it makes you giggle like a charmed kid. “Where did you come from?” you ask, but before you have the chance to reach her she pouts her lips, as if just now realizing that you’re not who she thought you were. And then she turns her back, like there's no time to waste, to return to her journey with renewed enthusiasm.

In a scarily fast moment, you realize that she’s going for the stairs. It would maybe be a slightly less terrifying idea if that stupid door actually worked— but it doesn't, it broke sometime last May and now it's awfully easy to open, no strength or shove required. Sometimes, if it's windy and quiet enough, you can faintly hear it swing back and forth from your apartment. The little girl reaches a hand out, not intimidated by the tall door more than three times her height. If you weren’t this terrified, you’d find it amazingly admirable.

You don’t register you’re running until you reach her, don’t register the sound of fast steps behind you or the scream of Rue! or anything else other than the heavy relief on your chest when you lift the baby by her armpits and hold her over your hip against your side. She’s fussing in your arms immediately, upset that she’s being interrupted, especially by a stranger. “I know, I’m sorry, baby. It’s okay, you’re okay,” you coo, though trying to be soothing when your heart is beating this fast is admittedly not the easiest task.

“Rue!” Someone repeats, and this time you do hear it. A woman is running down the hallway, hand coming down to mindlessly drop a tote bag bursting with groceries on the floor by the time she’s in front of you. The little girl reaches out her arms immediately, tiny fists opening and closing furiously and you sigh with relief as you carefully pass her over to the arms of the tall stranger. Her hair is blonde but darker than Rue’s, held back in a braid that looks both pretty and messy, like it was once pristine and then slept on. She’s wearing jeans and a half unbuttoned white shirt, a black tank top underneath. Her chest rises and falls and you notice that yours is no different. Adrenaline is a strange bond to share with a stranger, but it does make things less awkward, knowing you’re both here, feeling the same thing. You meet her expertly focused eyes for just a second before she turns to look at the little girl, searching for anything that could be wrong. “I’m so sorry, sweet girl. You’re okay, right? You’re okay,” the baby flashes a precious, wobbly smile at the sound of her voice, but she’s quickly distracted by the endlessly fascinating rainbow of groceries that lie on the floor. Her tiny head peeks over her mom’s shoulder to observe and it’s like you both can take a more soothing breath now, knowing she’s okay. “Thank you so much,” Abby says. You blink a couple times before you realize that she’s talking to you. “Sorry, I really don’t know how that happened. We were— we just got home from the store and I hadn't even put down all the bags yet and I thought— I was convinced that I shut the door, but…” her rambling drifts off and the stranger takes another breath, reddish embarrassment crawling up her neck.

You understand, suddenly, that she’s not only struggling with the stress of losing and finding her baby, but also the shame of having to face a stranger who might judge her for it. It feels insane to you, to think that she would be forced to prioritize that right now. “Oh, no, it’s okay!” you rush to respond. “I saw her immediately, and you were here in seconds! She wouldn't have gotten any further than that,” your smile is soft, but you speak with enough confidence to be reassuring (babysitting lessons, perhaps), “It was just a scare— don’t be too hard on yourself, please.”

Abby looks disarmed by your answer, her eyebrows raised in surprise. A short moment passes before she nods and smiles back, a small gesture without any less warmth. It’s the most relaxed you’ve seen her so far and it suits her beautifully, enough to make your face feel warm. Her blushing is much less forgiving though, more physically evident on her skin, spread over her cheekbones and the bridge of her pretty nose.

Rue giggles and it distracts you both, her hand waving excitedly at the colorful bird printed on a box of cereal as soon as she spots him. Abby looks at you for a second too long before she clears her throat, joking, “Sorry, she really loves that guy.”

You hum. “He is pretty cool, to be fair.”

Abby tilts her head, copying your sincere tone. “I don’t know, I always thought he’d be kind of a dick in person. He just looks like the type.”

Your startled laugh makes her smirk but she's frustratingly good at hiding it, free hand covering her mouth casually enough that you don’t notice. You look at the grabbing motion of the baby’s hands and pout with sympathy. “She loves him, though. We should probably get him off the floor.”

“Yeah, I should get that— I guess I just ran out with the bag, huh?” Abby huffs. She looks and sounds, physically, a lot less anxious now, less ashamed and more annoyed at herself.

“Would you like some help?”

“That’s okay, I got it,” she’s not sure that she does but she says it anyway, instinctively. Abby tries to lean down and Rue clutches her shirt, pulling enough to communicate that she is not ready to be put down yet. Abby straightens her back quickly enough to communicate that she is not ready to risk getting her any more upset for today. She meets your eyes for just a second. “Well, maybe some help.”

“Sure, just some,” you chuckle. “I’ll get it, don’t worry about it.”

People say that to Abby a lot— don’t worry about it! She hears it from her colleagues when she inevitably asks for the notes from the last class she ran a little late to, from a few of her kinder professors when she’s a day past some assignment’s deadline, from the guy at the grocery store that picks up the packets of M&M bags from the floor when Rue’s curious hands knock them over, from her dad when she asks if he’d be okay with babysitting for just a tiny bit longer. It always makes her stomach turn with guilt, some cases more intense than others, her lips usually pursed as she turns around and takes a breath. This time when you say it, she finds the guilt passing through her with ease, a short visit that makes her shoulders tense before it gets replaced by something else. She believes you, for some reason. Her brain is quiet except for thinking, for once, that there could really be nothing to worry about.

Your hands move casually as you pick everything up, resting on your knees like it’s not uncomfortable, like they might as well be your groceries. The idea is startling. Abby thinks, suddenly, that if someone were to walk into this scene, they wouldn’t read you as a kind stranger. Your ease would hint to something else, a friend, a lover, a picture of a family. Abby finds herself looking at your hands again, brought back to reality only by the slight tug of her hair. Rue plays with her braid distractedly, mumbling to herself about her froot loops friend— except she hasn’t quite learned to pronounce it yet, so it sounds more like oot oops.

Abby chuckles, brushing some of her loose baby hair behind her ears, mumbling back answers to her gibberish to keep her entertained even if Rue doesn’t seem to need it. She’s always endlessly thrilled to just be outside, perhaps the one trait she got from her grandpa rather than her mom. Other than her light snoring.

“She loves you a lot,” you comment, rising from your knees with the bag hanging on your shoulder. You don’t ask and Abby doesn’t think about it— you just start walking back to her apartment together. “Don’t you, Ru-Ru?” the baby giggles, her head turning to you, blue eyes sparkling. You laugh, “Oh, you like that name. It suits you, Ru-Ru.”

“That’s what my dad calls her,” Abby explains.

“He sounds like a man with taste,” you say. “What do you call her?”

“Princess.”

Your smile is wide and pleased. “That suits her even more, I fear.”

“I think so, too,” Abby agrees, a proud little glimmer in her eyes. She stops in front of her door, B06 engraved in silver. Is it always such a short walk from the elevator? She’s seriously thinking about it until, after realizing in an embarrassing second that she never introduced herself to the person kind enough to chase after her baby, help pick up her groceries and carry them home, Abby suddenly turns to you with widened blue eyes and pretty, reddened cheeks. You forgive her before she even says anything, and forget your traitorous reason before it gets a chance to warn you about how dangerous that thought is. “God, sorry, I never told you my name. I’m—”

“Abby, right?” you smile softly at her surprised face, chuckling before you explain, “One of our neighbors is an old friend of mine and she kinda threw this welcome party for me when I moved in. I promise we weren’t gossiping, but I think someone mentioned you.”

“Oh,” Abby nods casually, brushing it off as if she won’t be spending all night thinking about what your first impression of her might’ve been like. Rue fusses in her arms, a little grunt as she kicks her legs to be put down. “Sorry— I‘ll be right back,” Abby shares a quick look with you and you wave goodbye, not surprised to be missing Rue as soon as she turns around. You watch them walk inside together, a tiny hand waving back at you and making you smile as she excitedly makes her way to her playpen, shrieking bye-bye! Abby places a kiss on top of Rue’s blonde hair and makes her laugh with some noise that you don’t quite catch. She’s comfortable here, walking amongst colorful toys and biology books. She moves like an expert, pulling down her shirt where it rode up somewhere along the way. You make half an effort not to stare, but it’s half more than the effort Abby makes to not let it get to her head. The most confident she’s felt so far, she asks you, “Did that totally innocent welcome party of yours happen, like, two weeks ago? I think I heard some music.”

“It was extremely innocent,” you insist, eyebrows raised teasingly, “And no, sorry, not sure what that was— I moved here like a year ago.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

You grace her (or yourself) with a second of silence before you laugh at her awkward expression, the way she brushes a hand over her flushed face and huffs. “Fuck, that’s embarrassing. I’m kinda terrible at keeping up with this type of, uh, social stuff.”

“It’s not embarrassing, I promise. It’s a big world,” you reassure her. “Even bigger when you’re doing a million other stuff.”

You tell her your name and Abby, who is young like you but also highly knowledgeable on little specific human interaction cheat-codes that come with being a mom, nods her head and makes her eyes light up with what seems, to the naive eye, like recognition. “Oh, that’s right!”

You stare for a second before squinting your eyes. “Are you lying to me, Abby from B06?”

Abby grins, wondering when was the last time she found being caught this funny. “Yeah, sorry. I’ve never heard that name in my life.”

You laugh the loudest you have so far and a daydreamed life flashes in Abby’s head— in that big, dramatic way that it does only when you’ve been watching too many rom-coms every night, or when you’re getting too much dating advice from your friend who’s been married since eighteen, or maybe when you fall in love with a pretty stranger who seems to be able to read your mind. It’s an idealized vision of an idealized world, and Abby finds herself being completely okay to clutch it in her fists to keep, because it’s fucking lovely.

“Well, I forgive you,” you tell her, unaware (maybe?) of the chaos that you’ve induced inside of her. “You’re a busy girl.”

Abby tries to think of a good, smooth way to tell you that she could see herself saying your name everyday, placed adoringly after good morning and I miss you. All she comes up with is, “I got enough time to learn it.”

—

You play with the hem of your shirt, pajamas made of mostly Abby’s clothes every night, a scent on them that’s not yours but it might as well be. It’s yours in all the ways that matter, in the same sense that she is. Abby walks out of the bathroom wearing her usual pajamas— a shirt that fits too loose and boxers that are a little too tight around her thighs. She doesn't seem to mind them, and you don’t seem to wanna complain. She knows by the way you look at her. You’re leaning back on your palms, your head tilted, the same shyness and sparkly adoration in your eyes that you’d get when you didn't know each other all that well. It’s not too often that she sees that nervousness anymore, but she still gets glimpses of it, a blink of something on your face or your tone or your breathing that says I have a crush on you and I’m hoping you can’t tell. She likes that nervousness the best right now, the way it’s timid and then settles into something like cockiness when you remember that she’s looking at you just the same, when you remember how much you like the way she copies the tilt of your head and teases you as if she's not also smiling like you’re the most beautiful thing in the world.

Abby loves every moment like this, loves getting home and helping prepare dinner and making Rue laugh before kissing her goodnight, loves doing the dishes with you and flirting and talking about the day. Today, she’s especially looking forward to the latter.

“So, how was it?” she asks, the back of her thighs resting against the dresser. She’s trying to play it cool and she's annoyingly good at it, even now.

“Hm?” you hum, leaning further back to rest on your elbows, your back almost fully touching the bed. Abby feels a little bad keeping you up, but she knows she’ll be tossing and turning all night if she has to wait until the morning to ask.

“The school meeting.”

“Oh,” you smile wide enough to look silly and beautiful, sweet enough to rot teeth. She feels like she could sink in it, your smile and the relief it brings to her well hidden nervousness. “I loved it so much, Abs.”

Abby is smooth when she walks closer, soft when she cups your cheek, but there's something anxious in her eyes if you know where to look. “Yeah?” she insists.

You nod your head and kiss the palm of her hand, your lips pressed together in that funny way of trying to hold back an excited giggle. Abby smiles and feels nostalgic for the time, many many months ago, when she’d bring a finger to her lips to shush you and then remind you in an expert whisper that Rue is sleeping in the other room. She doesn't have to teach you much at all anymore, and every moment that proves that to her feels like the most beautiful, unfamiliar peace.

“I’m so happy,” you announce, looking up at her. You’re tired enough that it feels almost like being drunk, which is maybe why a short giggle manages to escape. Abby finds it contagious, your joy moves through her as naturally and importantly as the pumping of her blood. “I’m so excited for all of it.”

It’s the second parents' meeting that you’ve attended at Rue’s school— but you spent that first one sitting quietly by her side, practically hiding behind her, too aware of yourself and of the fact that you don’t really know what you’re doing. “Nobody knows,” Abby confessed on your way home, a hand on the steering wheel and another over your leg, her fingers tapping a comforting rhythm. “Parenting is beautiful, it just comes a lot less naturally than you’d think. That thing about a biological, primal wisdom or whatever— it’s a nice concept. But the best things I know came from me actively trying.”

Her words echoed in your head when you said yes to attending this school meeting alone, when you smiled and made the effort to look as calm as you could, kissed her cheek and said “of course!”. Being Rue’s parent doesn’t always come naturally, but it comes from the most genuine love, every single time. Of course you can go to her meeting when Abby can’t reschedule work, because of course you want to know about how Rue is doing in school. It’s an honor to be there for her, to speak for her when you know she needs you to. This is you actively trying.

“How were the other parents?” Abby asks, lying on her side now, her finger tracing unreadable patterns on your cheek. She craves physical contact more than she’d like to admit— but it works great, because you never ask her to admit it if she doesn't want to. The pads of her fingers say enough.

“They were cool, they were all very sweet to me. Well, Leo’s mom is a little passive aggressive but she’s that way with everyone,” you comment through a yawn, the side of your face comfortably pressed against your pillow. Abby hums, agreeing. “Sophie’s mom was the nicest, she sat next to me and invited me to join her and Jade’s mom for brunch.”

“Which Sophie?”

“The one that gave Rue a Valentine’s gift, that milk chocolate that she loves.”

“Oh, I like that Sophie.”

“Me too. I think I wouldn't mind joining a weekly brunch cult with her mom.”

Abby laughs in the way that she only does when she’s sleepy, where she sounds almost like her teenage self, shy and sweet. By the time it dies down, you’re almost asleep. But then, softly enough that you almost don’t hear it, she asks, “How do you think you would feel if she called you that?”

You make a questioning little sound that sounds like "what?" but not quite.

“If Rue called you mom.”

Your eyes open in a second, though not without effort. You look at Abby’s face, her pretty, relaxed features, and answer honestly. “I would probably cry. And then kiss her cheeks for as long as she let me.”

Abby chuckles. “Like when she fell off the swing and got the tiniest scratch on her knee?”

“Yeah, just— the joyful version of that, I guess. They would be the happiest tears ever spilled,” you explain, so sincere that Abby almost tells you. And you know her enough to read it on her face, the way she barely parted her lips and then pressed them back together quickly. Your head lifts from the pillow. “Wait, why? She told you something? Did she ask about that?”

Abby is great at keeping it cool, but less so once she’s been caught. Her nervous chuckle says it all. “I…”

“Abby, I swear to god, I will not let you sleep until you tell me.”

She more than believes you, but a flash memory of her pinky finger wrapped around Rue’s holds her back from spilling any more details. “Sorry, baby, I’m not allowed to say.”

“Oh my god,” you drop back onto your pillow, this time lying flat on your back. “You think she’s gonna say it?” you ask, and Abby is unsure if you’re asking her or the ceiling or a godly presence way above it. Or yourself, most likely. “It’s okay if she doesn't, maybe she was just curious. Maybe she needs time. I mean, obviously. She probably won’t say it, like, tomorrow, right?” you turn your head and look at her, so wrapped up in your inner monologue that you don’t process the amusement and adoration that’s all over your girlfriend’s face. “What if I react super weird and she doesn't say it again?”

Abby’s lips stretch into the softest smile, so in love that she almost forgets to answer and instead holds her hand on the back of your neck and pulls you close to press a kiss against your forehead. Your eyebrows are still furrowed worriedly when she pulls away, and she brushes her thumb over your cheek as she lets out the kindest hum, acknowledging your question. “You’re not gonna react weird, sweetheart.”

Momentarily flustered, you shake your head to remember the point that you’d been thinking about. “But I shouldn't cry, imagine how confusing that would be for her— what if she thinks she made me upset?”

“That won’t happen. She cried happy tears when you moved in, remember? She knows what they are,” she says. It’s one of the best memories you have, the nervous look on Abby’s face when she asked you, rambling, “It would be a big change, but not the worst, right? You’d just be a couple doors down the hall. It would be a lot of the same in a lot of ways, just with us.”

After that came the late nights at your apartment, dates hidden behind the excuse of packing, half empty boxes on the floor and Abby stuck to you like glue, a kiss or ten whenever she got too carried away with excitement. A couple weeks later came your clothes in her closet, your favorite blanket on the couch, and Rue’s eyes glimmering with happy tears as she hid her face on your neck and tried to understand her feelings. Then, after a few minutes of patiently rubbing her back, came her little frown of concentration and the way she attentively listened to you and Abby explain that her reaction was normal, that sometimes happiness feels like too much to hold in just a laugh or a dance. “Oh, okay,” she’d said, in this cute proud tone that she gets whenever she learns something new that makes sense to her. It was the sweetest thing. She’s the sweetest thing— and you can’t believe this is your life, that you get to take care of her and hang out and teach her new things to be proud of.

“You think she wants me to be her mom?”

Abby smiles. “You are her mom, baby.”

Rue doesn't say it the next day. You don’t overthink it— couldn't if you tried. It's a nice feeling to be so happy that you don't feel the need to think. She doesn't call you mom that morning, but she runs to the doorway where you’re putting on your shoes to get to work and wraps her arms so tight around your legs that you have to balance yourself with a hand against the wall. Her hair is messy from sleep, her yellow pajama shirt wrinkled, her eyes blinking lazily as she looks up at you and asks, “Back soon?”

“Soon as I can, princess,” you promise, leaning down to kiss her head. What is there to overthink? What more could you possibly need?

You can do this forever, have mornings like this and feel grateful in a way that you didn't know existed until now. You love the way it comes at random times, the way you’re still you, still grumpy when your coffee tastes watery, still a little bad at getting to the train station on time, still learning not to burn the first batch of pancakes. It’s a big change, but not the worst, right? It’s a lot of the same in a lot of ways, except Abby is there at the kitchen kissing your cheek, and a tiny head of blonde hair is peeking from the back of the couch, gummy smile and freckled cheeks, saying, “I like my pancakes like that, mom!”

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson fic #abby x reader #abby anderson x female!reader #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson headcanons #mom!abby #doctor!abby

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dazednmatthews · 2 days

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could you write stressed college gf headcanons for chris too 👉👈 matt's are so damn cute

chris x stressed college!gf headcanons:

-something about chris you’ve noticed since you’ve been together is that he has a habit of feeding off peoples energies, but possibly in the worst way

-so when finals come around and you’re an anxious, stressed mess, so is he

-and because of that, he’s constantly looking up the material you have to study and telling you random facts about it in hopes that it helps in anyway

-“hey babe,” he says while you sit as his computer desk, highlighting things in your notes. “yeah?” you say, not tearing your gaze away from your notebook. “did you know that 95% of the ocean is still unexplored?” you do glance at him that time, eyebrows furrowed. “yes i did. why do you mention it?” “well i’ve just been reading about marine science for a couple hours and that’s just fucking insane to me”

-it never really adds anything to your review, but it makes you smile regardless at how hard he’s trying

-his support is absolutely unwavering, so as soon as you start to doubt yourself or talk down to yourself, he’s there to put a full stop to that shit

-“i’m never gonna fucking pass,” you flop back in his bed, blowing a frustrated breath out. “i can’t remember any of this shit and it won’t matter how long i spent studying because i’m gonna get in the exam room and absolutely choke-”

-“stop talking about yourself like that.” he’d cut you off. “you’ve been working nonstop to pass this test and you’re like the smart person i’ve ever met. i don’t wanna hear any of that. the more you say it, the more you’ll believe it and it’s just not fucking true. understood?”

-it makes your heart do backflips

-i think he’d be the type to pack you a big of snacks or a meal for days he knows you’re gonna be in the library all day studying

-you’d come up to the living room with your bag slung over your shoulder and your hair still wet from the shower and place a kiss on his cheek as you leave. “i’m going to study, baby. i’ll probably be back late.”

-“thats fine, ma. don’t stress yourself out too much.” he’d pause the show he was watching and turn in his seat on the couch slightly. “i made you some food to take with you. make sure you eat it, i worked hard on that.”

-“chris, this is so sweet. you’d didn’t have to do this.”

-he’d give you a strange look. “why wouldn’t i? i need my girl to be taken care of. plus i knew you would ignore me if i told you to eat. shit is so annoying.” he’d roll his eyes while you shrug.

-“oh fuck off. sometimes i just forget.”

-he would also help you study, using all the guides you’ve done. he’s soooo the type of bf to give a kiss for every right answer too. it keeps you motivated and keeps him happy. kissing you is his favorite thing to do after all.

-when you would get so stressed and anxious about failing you would cry, his heart would actually break

-you would be on like hour six straight with no breaks and he would close your books, starting to put everything away

-“chris, what the fuck are you doing! i have so much more to do.”

-“no. you’re driving yourself crazy and it’s not good for you. you’re done for tonight. i’m gonna run you a bath and then we’ll watch a movie.”

-you’d pretend to be mad but actually be so grateful he could see you were close to breaking down. to be loved is to be known

-chris goes with you in the morning and waits for you in the car while you take your test

-he’s waiting for you outside on the hood of your car when you come out, wringing his hands nervously to hear how you did

-when he sees the sad look on your face he instantly goes to grab you and make you feel better

-but when you told him that you passed w flying colors he is so proud of you he nearly cried.

-“yes! that’s my girl! i knew you could do it, baby. my girlfriend, the scholar.” and he’s peppering kisses all over your face while hugging you tightly

-you soak in the moment with a warm heart because you have the best boyfriend in the world and it baffles you just how much he believes in you. you are so in love with him

-and he loves you exactly the same

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sexlapis · 20 hours

Text

ᡣ𐭩 nanami x gn!reader

nsfw drabble. no sex - just spanking, soft dom!nanami, gentle “brat” taming, d/s dynamics, praise, petnames, reader is stressed & anxious, crying (not sad)

-> synopsis: sometimes you just need a good ol’ spanking!

wc: 1.5k

a/n: i rushed this a lot, i was tired and just wanted to post. this is actually just filth and sweetness <3

masterlists

a gargled groan crawls up your throat as you fiddle with the top button of your crisp, white shirt, biting the inside of your cheek and throwing your head back.

nanami, sitting right beside you, gives you a look.

the first warning.

“now, what’s that for?”

you huff, purulent, sagging into the plastic seat and crossing your arms tightly over your chest. you pout.

in the back of your mind, you know you are being irritable, but you cannot help it. the white lights in the room are far too loud, the whirling of the air conditioner rings in your poor ears and the shirt that graces your body is too tight too tight too tight.

“my shirt is too tight.”

nanami sighs.

he looks good today. not that he doesn’t usually, but this was something else. his three-piece suit is a dark navy that’s snug on him, fitting him almost too well. your eyes trail down to his slacks - tight over his thighs and the bump of his bulge does not go unnoticed. one single strand of blond hair hangs over his forehead. it makes you dig your toes into the soles of your shoes.

the meaning of this meeting you and nanami are attending? you have forgotten. in fact, you don’t think you even knew in the first place. probably just some bullshit complaints about your teaching methods or your blunt nature. or both. when you learned that just nanami was going to be there with you, thinking was a foreign concept. because you know he would handle it all for you.

he glances at his phone, reading a notification. “i thought you said you wanted to-”

“‘wear the green one’, yeah, well that just didn’t happen, did it?”

nanami glances at you again, squinting slightly.

a second warning.

“what have we said?” nanami asks, moving closer to you. “what do we do when we’re stressed?”

“…we take three deep breaths and stay grounded in our surroundings…”

he speaks the last part in unison with you, nodding with just a small smile on his lips. “that’s right. how about we try that, see how you feel? hm?”

“ugh!” your upper body quite literally collapses onto the table. knots thaw in your chest, your hands are clammy and your heart bangs in your ear. “I don’t wanna do that crap anymore! i’d-”

the sentence barely even leaves your mouth.

hands are on your biceps in a second, essentially dragging you up out of your own seat, a gasp just leaving your mouth as you’re dragged out of the meeting room and into the nearby restroom.

the ordeal is so fast, so quick you feel winded. before you know it, you face the mirror, heavy breathes leaving your soft lips. your hips are pressed up against the ceramic sink, your fingers clutching onto the rim to stabilise yourself. nanami larger stature stands behind you, looming over, his arm wrapped around your waist keeping you still. if he’s worried or cautious about anyone walking in, he does not show it on his face or in his actions. he leans down, lips to your ear.

“what did i say? you know what the rules are.”

you whine, teeth gnawing on your poor bottom lip, looking down at your own fingers. your body is winded up, tight and tense like a spring, unable to get it to relax and give in.

your leg shakes.

nanami’s big hand slithers down your arm, cupping over yours, “the rules are there for a reason. to help you, to keep you safe. you know that. look at me please.”

you look to him immediately despite your previous disobedience. you can’t help it, can’t help but do everything he tells you. nanami is safe, he is comfort, protection and guidance. he’s what you need.

his umber eyes meet your glossy ones, gentle yet stern. soft yet firm. by this point you already know what is happening, feeling your mind and body already sinking into the place where no worries or fears are present.

nanami hums, caressing his thumb over your cheek, almost losing his mind at the dazed look in your eyes. his hands slide down further, to the front of your trousers, fiddling with the button, “i know just what you need, sweetheart,” the button is undone, along with the zip, “…just what you need.”

your knees knock together, trapped by your trousers and underwear as you are bent over the sink slightly. you moan at the position change alone.

“hmm…” nanami looks downwards, biting his lip as he admires the bare flesh of your ass, soft and just waiting to be tainted red by his calloused hands. he shifts, standing adjacent to you now.

he does not bother to warn you before he strikes.

the first one has you crying out into the empty restroom, lurching forward and clawing onto the counter. it is sharp, sudden and hard, the string already prevalent, the control you once held over your mind rippling away and all you want is more.

“that’s one,” nanami states, groping your raw cheek with one hand, “look at you, already so responsive and we’ve barely even started...

he checks your face, eyes closed, mouth open, already gone, head in the clouds from that one hit alone. “tell me your colour, sweetheart.”

“green…’s green.” your voice is breathy, weak like your limbs. being at nanami’s complete mercy, under his guidance and control does that to you.

“good. you’ll tell me if that changes.”

what follows next is a series of swats and slaps, not too hard but with just enough force for you to know that you will feel sore for a couple of hours.

each strike leaves you breathless, frazzled, your grip on the counter the only thing keeping you from going insane as the ache at your core only grows and grows. the swats are loud in the quiet of the bathroom, the sounds making your face warm and arms wobble. your falls forward between your shoulders.

it does not help that nanami keeps on talking, more than he usually does in situations like these. he rambles on about how good you’re being, how well you’re taking it for him, how soft you feel, how pretty you look with your teary eyes, how sweet you sound, how badly he wants to take you right in the restroom where anyone could walk in and see.

it’s clear that nanami is in a talkative mood.

“fuck, look at you…” he momentarily pauses his assault on your welted, reddened ass, gripping one cheek and pulling it to the side. “you’re perfect. so, so perfect.”

you grunt at his praise and your head swells up. the juxtaposition of candy-sweet words and his continuous cracks landed on the crux of your thigh and ass has your kind reeling.

small whines and whimpers escape your mouth, and with the single tear that falls down your face, nanami knows it is time to stop.

the last hit he lands is heavy, stinging, it has you garbling right as it happens.

more tears drip onto the counter as a sob takes hold of you. and then you’re being flipped around and into nanami’s embrace, prodding your face into his shoulder, trying to catch your breath and come down to earth.

nanami caresses the middle of your back, kissing the top of your head while he coos, “shh, sh, sh. you did so well. you’re so good for me, sweetheart…see how good it feels to take the edge off?” he closes his eyes. “that’s all you needed, hm?”

you shake your head, not yes or no, but nanami understands all the same.

“yeah, i know, i know.”

you both stand like that for a little while, recovering from the scene you have had with him, soothing and shushing you until you’re back to him. it is only slightly awkward for you as your pants and underwear are still at your knees but whatever. you forgot that you are even in a public place.

“we should get back to the meeting.” nanami suggests, then looks at the watch on his wrist. “i think we’re the late ones now.”

you huff, chuckling a little. nanami pecks your lips and croches, pulling up your trousers and securing them around your hips. he fixes up your obvious ruffled, messy appearance, straightening your shirt and smoothing down your hair.

nanami holds your face in his hand, swiping away tears with his thumbs. he admires your wet eyes and bitten lips, thinking that you’re at your most beautiful when you look like this - blissed out and falling back down from your high.

“how do you feel?” he asks you.

it takes you a few seconds to respond, to find the words. “…’m good…yeah, i feel- i’m good.”

“alright.”

“i want to go home now.”

“okay.”

“i also want a lot of unhealthy food for my stomach.”

“you got it.”

nanami is smiling softly at you while you try to think of any more demands you may have. when it seems to be nought, he begins slowly guiding you out of the restroom, holding you close. he is warm.

you speak, “so not meetings today?”

nanami just sighs, shaking his head, half hearted, kissing the top of your head, “no meetings today.”

#nanami x reader #nanami fluff #nanami smut #nanami x you #nanami x y/n #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento smut #nanami kento x you #nanami kento x y/n #nanami kento x gender neutral reader #nanami x gn!reader #kento nanami x reader #kento nanami x you #kento nanami x y/n #kento nanami smut #nanami kento fluff

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b0r3dtod3ath · 9 hours

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Hello hi!

Can you do a challengers fic?

Art x reader, where he and reader had a flirty relationship but he started to experiment with tashi and patrick and she was like "well, it happens" but the trio didnt work out so he tried to recandle that dinamic between him and reader but she lost all the atraction to him.

(lots of groveling)

Thank you!

Thank you for the request!

Warnings: Mention of an injury, curse words.

You and Art have been friends since middle school and since then he was always by your side. Your shared interest in tennis and joint decision about applying to Stanford resulted in you two being inseparable best friends. Well, maybe not really. Your relationship was quite hard to describe. People constantly mistook you for a couple but in reality you were just really close. Sure, there were a lot of flirtatious moments, some may even say romantic, but you never thought about it too deeply, thinking that it’s just the way Art is.

Each morning he knocked vigorously on your dorm room door. “You need to wake up! We need to go.” The sight that he sees when you open the door always makes his heart skip a beat. Messy hair and a toothbrush in your mouth give him a glimpse of what it would be like if he was living with you. “Good morning!” He gives you a beautiful smile as he hands you a coffee in your favorite thermos. He insists on doing it because “it saves time in the morning as he’s up anyways”. Oh and also when you finish he takes the cup back to clean it so he doesn't bother you in the morning. His friend Patrick has always made fun of him for those small gestures but he recently got a girlfriend so he’s busy. Actually, you have heard of Tashi. She attends your school and you were supposed to play against her in a local tournament. You have heard that she’s really good but people also always point out your skills.

You head to the canteen, sipping your coffee as Art tells you about Patrick’s new girlfriend. It’s not like you are jealous but hearing your male best friend ramble about another girl is weird. You keep quiet, after all there was nothing romantic between you two. You eat your breakfast without saying much which goes unnoticed to your friend. He stops eating, looking at your face for a moment, trying to figure out what’s going on in your mind “I saw they had watermelon in the fruit section. I can bring it for you if you want. Did something happen? You know you can always talk to me. I will always be there for you.” The gentle tone in his voice almost feels like he is talking to a lost child, scared to make you withdraw. “No, no. It’s fine. I’m just a bit less confident about the next match. You know, after what happened a few days ago, my leg still sometimes cramps up a bit.” you halfy make up a lie. You were stressed about the match but it had nothing to do with your calf. “You should have told me earlier. I will massage it before we train today. You are going to do amazing".

He didn’t listen to your begging not to knead your muscle so you ended up with him rubbing it firmly enough to “help you” but gently enough not to hurt you. As you trained he could sense your frustration. Sure, it made you more confident on the court as you transferred your anger into each fore and backhand. Then suddenly you stop. Your opponent gives you a confused look as you out of the blue ignore the ball. “I don’t feel well. I’m gonna call it quits. I have a test tomorrow anyway that I should study for. I can’t be hitting a ball with a racket my whole life.” you look at him, his expression as shocked as a moment ago. “See you in the evening?” You two usually had some evening tennis sessions or just went for some walks as there were not many people around that time and you could freely chat about anything. “Well. I can’t actually make it today. I’m really sorry. Patrick invited me for some drinks. He wants me to meet Tashi”. His eyes looked like they belonged to a puppy. “Oh, yea. I mean. That’s fine. See you tomorrow then.” you say without giving him the usual light hug as a goodbye.

The following morning Art didn’t knock on your door. You assumed he must have been tired from the day before but it still felt unusual. You decided to push it aside and focus on yourself and your preparations to play against Tashi. The match started at 2 pm so you still had some time to get ready. You followed your usual routine with only one exception - your regular companion.

The tennis court simmered under the midday sun, a gentle breeze whispered through the air, carrying a promise of an intense match. It was one of the most anticipated matches of the season on the Stanford campus. It was the end of a debate of who is the best tennis player among students but most importantly it was evidence of passion for sports and competition. You looked at Tashi coming on the court, getting a bigger applause than you did. You didn’t let it bother you, it didn’t matter who was the fan favorite, it mattered who was better. You were first to serve. Silence established itself on the court, a neon yellow ball bounced a few times between your hand and the ground. You looked deeply into your opponent’s eyes. It wasn’t a game of tennis, it was a battle for dominance.

A thunderous serve from you, the ball sliced through the air with precision. Tashi returned it with equal force, the ball skimming just inches above the net. Back and forth you played, each stroke a testament to your skill and determination. The crowd watched in silence, fully immersed in the spectacle unfolding before them. As the match wore on, the intensity only seemed to grow. Tashi unleashed a powerful forehand, sending the ball to the other side of the net. But you were quick to react, sprinting across the court with lightning speed to return it with a perfectly executed backhand. The crowd erupted into applause, recognizing the sheer athleticism on display. The game continued in this fashion, each player refusing to give an inch. Your muscles burned like they were on fire as you chased down every shot, your mind focused solely on victory. On letting her know who Art belongs to.

Then, in a heartbeat, disaster struck. As Tashi ran to return a particularly fierce shot, her foot slipped. Time seemed to slow as she stumbled forward, her knee buckling beneath her weight. With a sharp cry of pain, she collapsed to the ground, clutching her injured leg. She started crying like a hurt animal, unable to think what people thought of her. You stood there in pure shock, unsure of what to do. In the corner of your eye you saw Art running up to her and trying to calm her down.

You felt really bad for her. Not liking her didn’t mean you were happy for her injury. After asking the medical team about her, you got to know that she’s waiting for an ambulance. When you found her, your heart immediately dropped at the sight of Art holding her hand. “I just wanted to say, I’m so sorry it happened, I-” you started to apologize, “Out! Out! Out!” she screamed at you “But-” you tried to say something but Art stood up “Get the fuck out!”. He had never raised his voice towards you. He was always your gentle, soft, good boy. You silently walked away as hot tears rolled on your cheeks. The echo of your sobs filled your room for the whole night.

For the next few weeks you didn’t see Art. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to see him, you did actually, but he was always accompanied by Tashi or Patrick. It did make you feel a bit lonely but you focused on training and improving. You actually started to do really well and moved up the rank. Despite an opportunity to get an apartment you stayed at Stanford. You told everyone that you would feel lonely living alone, but the truth was you just didn’t want to leave Art. He would still sometimes catch your glimpse across the canteen or the training hall but no words were exchanged.

He found you one evening, your silhouette illuminated by the artificial glow of the light. You were alone, your movements fluid yet tense as you practiced your strokes with precision. Taking a deep breath, Art approached you cautiously, unsure of how you would react to his presence. "Hey" he said softly, his voice tinged with uncertainty. You turned to face him, your expression stone cold. You said nothing. A hint of bitterness in your eyes. "I-I just wanted to see how you were doing," he said, his words stumbling over each other in his nervousness. "What do you want?" you snapped, you tone sharp and cutting. Determination glinting in his eyes. "I saw you playing alone, and I thought... maybe you could use a partner," he offered hesitantly. You scoffed, your grip on the racquet tightening as you glared at him. "And why would I want to play with you?". Art took a step closer, his gaze unwavering as he met your overwhelming stare. "Because I miss playing with you, I miss you" he admitted softly. "And because I'm sorry. Truly sorry for what I did." You hesitated for a moment, your eyes narrowing as you considered his offer. “Don’t you have to take care of your little Tashi’s leg?” you said under your nose. "Fine. But don't expect too much" you warned.

As you began to play, your movements were sharp and precise, your shots landing with deadly accuracy. Art did his best to keep up, but he couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled in the pit of his stomach. You had always been better than him but he could sense something else. After all, tennis was the most intimate out of all sports. Suddenly, you unleashed a powerful forehand that sailed towards Art with an alarming speed. Instinctively, he raised his racket to block the shot, but it ricocheted off the strings with a resounding thud, leaving him staggering backwards. "Are you trying to kill me or something?" he exclaimed, his heart racing as he moved closer to the net. You turned around - a little habit you gained, you never looked at your opponent after scoring a point. "Maybe," you replied nonchalantly, your tone betraying a hint of amusement. Art chuckled nervously, rubbing his sore arm where the ball had made contact, as he got closer and closer to you. "Well, you can kill me if you want," he offered, making you chuckle. He reached to touch your hand, his expression pleading, as you turned. "Please. I know I messed up, but I can't stand not having you in my life. I... I have feelings for you. And I need you to know that. I don’t see you as just a friend." You felt your heart skip a beat at his confession, your breath catching in your throat. You had suspected as much, but hearing him say the words out loud sent a jolt of electricity through your veins. "I... I don't know, Art” you responded, torn between the anger still simmering inside you and the warmth of his words. "You ditched me for her. "Art nodded, his eyes brimming with regret. "I know. And I'm so sorry. I was weak and I thought you would never look at me the same way I look at you. I'll do anything to make it right, I swear." he got on his knees, both hands holding yours. “I will never leave your side, I will show you how much I love you and I will buy you this diamond bracelet you always wanted.” You chuckled “Art, get up. I don’t need a bracelet from you. I will give this a chance.” A smile broke across Art’s face, relief flooding his features as he reached out to wrap you in a tight embrace. "Thank you, I promise, you won't regret this." he murmured, his voice thick with emotion and eyes wet with tears. You returned the hug. The two of you swayed for a moment before you broke the silence with your dead serious tone. “Never raise your voice at me again, understand?” He looked deeply in your eyes. “Understood, maam. I’m incredibly sorry”.

April 29, 2024

#writers on tumblr #challengers imagine #challengers x reader #art donaldson imagine #art donaldson x reader #mike faist x reader #mike faist x you

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twst-drabbles · 3 days

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Floyd 11

Summary: You were smoking by the window when Floyd decided now would be an amazing time to dive into the pool you had installed. In his full form. And now he won’t stop looking at you for attention. Haa, you know what, you were in need of a distraction anyway.

(Hehehe the subject is rather heavy, but Floyd is as Floyd does, saying things seemingly vague but not really. Cheeky eel.)

You’ve been working on getting rid of the habit, you swear. Sure sure, you don’t exactly look convincing when you’re leaning on the window sill, packet of cigarettes at hand as though they never left your side and taking gentle drags like you’re trying to savor it, but this was your first cig in a while. You had this same pack for about a few months.

It’s slow going, but you’re going. Soon you’ll stop. Soon you’ll be at the point where you’ll just forget the urge to reach for your lighter. But not today. There’s too much energy in your spine and your head has been itching. Waiting. Like it’s anticipating something even though there’s nothing.

Haa… you don’t understand this. You don’t know how to fix this.

You took a slow drag and breathed out. Something within you quieted a bit and you couldn’t help but close your eyes. Wind drifted over your face. It was nice. Relaxing.

Then you heard a splash. You and your cigarette were drenched in water.

“Hey!”

You opened your eyes to see a large Floyd lounging on his slick tail, lazily waving at you like he didn’t have the energy to do anything more, despite his big, toothy grin.

You snorted out water then sighed at the sight of your useless cigarette. You dropped it in the ash tray.

You thought you were alone, since everyone is usually doing their own thing outside or in their pocket homes, but you guess you can’t always rely on the convince of routine to keep you safe. Floyd saw you, clearly, and intentionally made a splash at you.

Floyd, when he first saw you, wanted in on this bad habit of yours. But, when you said no, he basically made it his job to stop you when he sees you. It’s easy to see it as him being childish. ‘If I can’t have it, you can’t either,’ type of thing, but that’s not quite it, now is it?

You want to get rid of this bad habit, so Floyd will be the menace to get you to slow down and stop. Weird, weird eel.

Well, not like you can ask for anything else. This too was something you appreciated, as annoying as he can be.

So, when you finally noticed that Floyd’s eyes have never once left you, you figured it would best to join him, if only to keep yourself from scratching that addicting itch.

“So,” Floyd slithered right next to your knees as soon as you sat down, “what’s bothering ya? You haven’t been that careless in a while, so what’s got you smoking right where I can see you?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” you splashed your hands, attempting to scrub out a spot in your palm, only to find that that’s just another scar that won’t fade, “It just feels like something’s nagging at me. Kinda wound up. Tight. Can’t tell you why that is, though.”

“So that’s what made you smoke?” Floyd dragged his upper body out, not caring for the water that surged and soaked your clothes, “’Cause you can’t think of anything else that’ll make you feel better?” He picked at a loose thread laying on your thigh, pulled, then snapped it off. Another place for your clothes to fray open.

Lot of them have been falling apart, actually. Huh. You never noticed how worn out your clothes have been. Guess they’re just too old to handle any more stress.

“Don’t do that,” you said, though you did nothing to stop his claws from tugging the loose end of your shorts, “Well, I guess. It just easier to de-stress with a pack around and a lighter in your pocket. Not like I know anything that’ll help me.”

You had hobbies but those become hard to keep up with when you spent all that time just looking for your lost ones. And trying to get back into them, you know you’ll be frustrated at the decay in skills. So you’d rather not bother.

“Hmm,” Floyd lowered his head and plopped it right on your lap. He started to playfully tap your knuckles with his claws. “What about me?”

His tail exited the water and curled around you.

“What about you?” you grabbed his hand and gently pushed against the webbing between his fingers. He really had the gall to pretend to think about it, like there were no other choices for him to pick from.

“You can use me,” Floyd’s smile was small, cheeky as he basically trapped you in his tail, “in any way you like. That’ll help get the stress out, right?”

You can take a guess as to what he’s talking about.

You chuckled as you leaned back.

“Alright, then I’ll use you to rest my back,” you smiled at the frown that spread on Floyd’s face, “Resting is also de-stressing.”

“…you’re no fun.” Floyd grumbled but didn’t fight it.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst-drabbles #ask #drabble #octavinelle #floyd #floyd leech #reader insert #sanctuary au

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sortasirius · 12 hours

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Another day, another episode I’ll have to put myself through again because I was too stressed out and I know I missed a ton.

But in the meantime, here are my buddie centric thoughts, I’ll do another post on just Buck:

This is the first time that we’ve really had Buck in a life-threatening situation in front of the whole team that they could rush in to immediately. The crew wasn’t there during the tsunami and they couldn’t just run in when he got crushed by the truck because of the bomber, so to see the reaction from all of them about this horrible freak accident, it was something else.

We’ve seen Buck lose it twice when Eddie nearly died (buried alive and shot) and that desperation that he showed is mirrored in a way with Eddie. Screaming Buck’s name, the parallel of Eddie trying to drag him back onto the ladder, the same way Buck dragged Eddie under the rig when he was shot. Two sides of the same coin.

Eddie trying to take over compressions from Chim before Bobby has to actually rip him away and tell him he’s driving.

“We’ll do our best.”

“Do better.”

The way Eddie is clearly about to lose it when they wheel Buck away, held up by the rest of the crew.

And then…Chris. Chris, who insists on seeing Buck, “I have to talk to him.” Yet another parallel of Eddie having to talk to Chris about what happened to Buck the way Buck had to talk to Chris about what happened to Eddie. How they both lose it when they talk about losing the other.

And you can see, when they’re in the room and Chris is asking questions, how Eddie is at a distance, and shakes his head at once point when Chris can’t see, never directly looking at Buck the entire time he’s in the room.

The most insane thing about this is that it’s the only time we see Eddie in Buck’s hospital room when he’s unconscious. We see everyone else in there repeatedly, but not Eddie. Why? They’re best friends, surely he would want to be there for him.

But the thing is, I don’t think he can. Looking at the scene with Chris, how he refuses to get near Buck’s bed, how he won’t even look directly at him, Ryan Guzman says it all without saying a word.

He can’t be in there, he can’t look at Buck because looking at him like that, with the tubes and the ECMO, it makes it real that he could die. That Eddie could lose him.

Plus, Eddie is a paramedic, he knows what an induced coma and ECMO mean, even more so when you take into account that Chim literally tells him when Shannon is dying that, if they intubate her, she likely won’t wake up. He’s reliving that all over again, grappling with the idea that Buck will never wake up, that he’ll never speak to him again.

I truly think the only reason he went in that room was because Chris demanded it. And it’s not because he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to, it’s because he can’t stand to think that he might lose him.

It’s so fascinating how similar their reactions are, but are marked by their distinct personalities. Buck goes to pieces, screaming and desperate, while Eddie shuts in on himself, so that not even Chris can really get through to him. Eddie trying to pull Buck up while Buck tried to dig Eddie up. Eddie keeps his distance when Buck wakes up, where Buck was there the moment Ana called.

This feels important, to finally have a similar moment for Eddie when we’ve had it twice for Buck, the idea of losing one another, reckoning with that potential grief, a window into what would happen to one of the other died. Truly haunting acting choices from Ryan, it made me see more than ever that Buck is truly number two in Eddie’s life, only behind Christopher.

#buddie #911 #liveblog #my meta #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz

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shycroissanti · 17 hours

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I know you like to be welcoming to everyone, but it’s okay to not ship your OCs with everyone else’s. I can’t imagine how overwhelmed you get trying to make everyone happy. And I also can’t imagine how many people are struggling for your attention when you make a new character and the only interest they have in it is shipping. It sort of breaks my heart to see you make a new oc and the only people who seem to care about it are people trying to make a ship.

I see you’re getting burned out more often and taking a lot of breaks… but your blog should be a fun place, not something you avoid because you’re stressed by it. Maybe limiting requests or only keeping OC ships to good friends would help you relax. You don’t have to take my advice if this makes you happy. I’m just a bit worried about you. Especially since you seem tired all the time and recently made a post saying you were worried about people being upset with you if your characters already had ships and you didn’t want to add any more.

I would also like to say that some people like the shipping because they just want free art of their OC and less because they actually want to bond with you. Many people do not realize they are being like this.

Your real friends will not be bothered by you putting up boundaries. The only people that will be upset are selfish, too young to understand, or people who didn’t consider your feelings at all.

Just take care of yourself, Shy. I’m sorry if I’m overstepping. And of if I have this totally wrong, just say so.

You're right, I recognize that I've been doing this lately...

It's a fact, I'm very afraid of making others upset, I really want to please everyone. I've actually been feeling a little overwhelmed lately, but I don't know how to deal with it.

I love making ships with my OCs with the OCs of my moots, I really really like this interaction, I was just getting worried about the situation where more than one person wants to make ships with a single OC, I'm afraid of causing confusion with that.

I'll get better with this, I swear, I even want to tell you that I've been trying to be more like you, you know? "Post what you want" I've been trying to do this more often and it's making me happy🥹

I have several plans for the future with my OCs and I'm optimistic about that, even if I'm still a bit clumsy at communicating, and I'm pretty sure that everything I wrote here must be a little confusing because it really took me by surprise, I really value your attention and words so much and after I read everything (including what you said in the other posts too), I started crying, in a good way❤️

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whoblewboobear · 4 hours

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At this point Wednesday and Thursday are the highlights of my week like I’m vibrating with excitement when I know Wednesday at like 7 something I’ll be sitting down to giggle at my favorite show like I- 🤧

I don’t always watch d20 seasons as they’re airing but for fantasy high, it gets so woven into my schedule when a new one drops 👏 like not to get super sentimental (I’m absolutely going to in a read more. Plus the season is ending soon and I’m emo about it but also just excited in general to get all the answers) but this season really means a lot to me. Absolutely none of them will see this (thank god) but the intrepid heroes & BLeeM mean so much to me. They made a show that is so funny and beautiful and kind and so stupid at its core and it just goes to show how lovely they are. The impact they’ve made on the actual play community is so huge. For me a lot of actual play was very intimidating to get into because of huge backlogs or the kinds of stories being told weren’t for me but goddamn, d20 just hits on so many levels. In part due to the storytelling and also just holy shit everyone at the table shows up and cares so much about who they’re playing and their place in the world and the story they’re helping be told. It’s just 🤧💖 I hope one day I’m half the dnd player that Brennan, Emily, Lou, Murph, Siobhan, Zac, and Ally are. They truly inspire me so much.

**TW For SA, trauma, mental health + personal shit etc under the cut**

I stopped watching d20 for a long while. Give or take a year or two? I know it was around the zoom season era. Me and A guy I was really close friends with bonded over dnd and d20 and it was one of the main things we had in common. The night he SA’d me we were watching FH S1 from the beginning. And I think that kinda.. like I didn’t watch d20 because it brought up a lot of thoughts of him and that night and just so much ptsd.

D20 was my favorite form of escapism during hard times and it really sucked to lose that for so long. When d20 Junior year was announced I decided it was time to get back into the show because I missed it and I loved it and I couldn’t let him make me so scared that I never went back to what gave me so much joy. I introduced the show to him in the first place, I could reclaim.

I watched freshman year after I dropped out of art school because my parents and I couldn’t afford another loan and I was really lost. It took my mind off a lot of it thankfully.

Sophomore year aired when I started going to community college. I had a night-time psych class that would end about half an hour before the streams would start so it gave me motivation to get through it because I had something to look forward to after. Now junior year is airing while I’m dealing with a lot of health stuff + depression + job stress (now that I write it all out, both college stresses passed and I did end up getting a decent-ish, albeit very shitty job in graphic design, so I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel so to speak, this’ll pass)

I don’t know if they’ll ever do a senior year/graduation season but if they do, I’ll be there still excited and brimming with joy and anticipation for more d20 Wednesdays to come. 💖

#this is VERY personal but it’s also my blog who cares baybeee 🥵✌️#there’s not much that I watch while it’s airing #like I don’t watch a ton of tv either I mainly watch YouTube or I’ll pick a show that’s either finished or has enough seasons for me to go #feral about #but when FH is on?? or when Big brother airs during the summer?? I’m locked in #I’m sat #I’m having a fcking blast #I think I’ll be posting a lot less discourse in the tags from now on lmao #like- I think writing this out made me remember why I love d20 so much and it’s definitely the show and then the fanart and character stuff #I don’t like fighting with people about like.. subjective opinions #I dunno like there are fandoms where I love the discourse bc it’s to be expected with certain ones (reality tv competition shows like bb +#drag race for me) and I love that sorta thing where rooting for someone or screaming about what they could’ve done to win or whatever is #a big part of that #but with my silly shows like d20 or drawfee or whatever I’m here for the good vibes #when I deviate from that I start having less fun in fandom #d20 fhjy #fantasy high junior year #dimension 20 #fhjy

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 10 months

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idk why this bugs me a bit but I really don’t like when you see art or writing that delves into the dynamic between characters in a less positive way - like an argument, or clashes between coping mechanisms, or a miscommunication that causes some problems and doesn’t get immediately resolved - and you get people saying stuff like “oh they’re so fucked up” or “this would not be healthy irl but here it’s cute” and I just. what do you think a healthy relationship looks like. it’s never going to be perfect. people disagree. not everything gets resolved perfectly. sometimes there will be parts of a person you will never completely understand no matter how close you are to them. what matters is communicating in the ways that you can (which isn’t always in the way help books or therapists tell you to btw! there are lots of ways to communicate effectively that are specific to who you are as people), making active efforts to show your care (which yes, sometimes isn’t easy. that’s why it’s an effort), and enjoying this person’s company (they should make you feel good to be around overall! clashing a little is okay but they should not make you miserable!)

anyways I guess it also irritates me because I see these kinds of comments a lot under studies having to do with characters struggling with trauma or mental illness and therefore not communicating in necessarily healthy or productive ways and maybe always having issues that do not get resolved perfectly and I really can’t stand it. we already live in a world where people have to pretend to be fine all the time. I’m quite flattered when people are comfortable enough with me to let that veneer go. they feel safe around me! what a compliment! I always feel like that’s so much more than I deserve. sure things can be uncomfortable at times and I do sometimes have to say “I can’t listen or help right now but please tell me later” and that’s ok! because we all want to make sure we’re safe for each other to come talk to. to be honest with. a little personal discomfort at times is worth it. always.

people are messy. you’ve got to let people be messy. friendships, relationships, etc, they take time and effort from everyone involved. learning to manage less than ideal situations actually is going to help you draw better boundaries against things that are actually “fucked up” or toxic than expecting perfection, or for a happily ever after where all the conflicts you started out with get resolved.

idk. it’s just. people you care about deserve to not have to be ideal around you. likewise you deserve to have to not be ideal around them. isn’t that. the whole point of someone knowing your soul? the ugliness? and the way it’s a package deal with the rest of you? I would like to learn you. I don’t just want your scraps. I want every part of the whole I asked for. I will learn to manage the sharper edges.

#ugh ok so there’s a lot of nuance I couldn’t cover here this is more of a mini rant but yeah.#some of you do not know what ‘fucked up’ actually looks like I think…#fucked up dynamics are fun to play with! but a functional relationship that happens to have some issues is not it!#especially when the issues have to do with past trauma or mental health issues. kind of gross man.#I guess it extra confused me too because like. I’ve never found it to be overly stressful or a big issue to accommodate people?#I don’t find it overly taxing. At least not anymore than socializing in general #in fact I like it better because now I have a goal to focus on in the interaction - make person feel comforted/better/supported/safe #most interactions I feel like I’m flailing lol #agh anyways. bye #storyrambles

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henreyettah · 1 year

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I’m looking at how to do taxes etc again (because I WANNA sell stuff!!) but my American citizenship makes everything so fucking difficult, like ok not only does Sweden have super vague regulations regarding what’s an actual business and what’s a hobby business (which changes taxation, and I’d be more than willing to untangle that ratsnest because I live here and it makes sense I’d pay proper taxes) but then ON TOP OF THAT I need to make sure I don’t accidentally sic the IRS on myself :) I’m so tired of this, why does the US care what I do over here. I’ve never even lived there, I just happened to have an American parent. I don’t wanna renounce my American citizenship (because I like having it and they charge you HELLA for getting rid of it) but the fucking taxes and the legal mess is killing me. I’m almost considering asking a non-american friend to sell my stuff in their name just so I don’t have to deal with it. If anyone knows another Swedish-american artist living in Sweden who has got this figured out PLEASE send them my fucking way.

#I cannot stress enough how annoyed I am at this #what happened to no taxation without representation #isn’t this the whole reason the US split from the Brits. the taxation from people a whole ocean away.#so fucking hypocritical #I’m going to go insane #I need to book a time at the bank to figure this out #gonna have to give the bank person homework ahead of it tho so they can be of use this time #unlike last time when they were like ‘oh. I don’t actually know anything about American taxation’ babygirl I am here for ONE THING #HELP WITH AMERICAN TAXATION #what do you MEAN you can’t be of service. this is your JOB #rant #no one benefits from this because I don’t owe any taxes to the US so they get no money from me #and I get nothing from the US in terms of like social stuff because I don’t LIVE THERE #SO IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE THAT THEYD BE BOTHERD WITH THIS #and yes I know it’s to prevent rich people from doing off shore stuff #BUT THEY DO THAT ANYWAYS. SO WHAT EVEN IS THE OIN #*POINT GODDAMMIT

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