#i don’t fuck with Katie and am actually starting to dislike her

[hydesjackiespuddinpop]

The way I ship Katie with Jake and Marisol but also think both can do better in terms of girlfriends (Marisol/Fiona are dating in my mind) 😂

#degrassi #anti katie matlin #maya-matlin #deliciouspirateangel #tagging both ‘cause they understand me #don’t get me wrong #I LOVE Katisol but #i don’t fuck with Katie and am actually starting to dislike her

[arsenicpanda]

Hey! You seem to ship fairly similar Riverdale pairings to me, so do you have any fanfic ideas? Unfortunately, I have writers block and I don't have access to any maple mushrooms to get through this one.

So, I do have a few that don't fall under "I actually want to write this myself", you are correct, and I am a wordy bitch, so let's put this under a cut

-Jabitha + Jughead and Veronica friendship post-college au: so, we diverge from canon in 5x03. Betty still leaves Riverdale, but Veronica stays, and she and Jughead slowly bond over film, pretentious references, criminal fathers, and the whole getting cheated on thing. Maybe throw in Reggie and the other Serpents too if you want to. When Jughead becomes homeless (again), Veronica eventually notices and invites him to stay with her, and it's awkward at first, but then they get used to it. They develop a brother-sister bond. So, then when they go off to college, they keep in touch and stay friends. Their friendship keeps Jughead from being supes lonely at college, which means he stays and learns how to actually fucking write, so his book is actually good and not just successful, and also he doesn't take up drinking and drugs. And their friendship also keeps Veronica from dating assholes like Chad, so she never even gets close to that terrible marriage. But after they graduate, Jughead moves to NYC and they live together and she becomes the she-wolf of Wall Street and he becomes a successful author (genre undetermined) and maybe also journalist (look, I am just too fond of this headcanon, and most authors need second jobs anyway), and neither of them pine over their exes. Veronica can settle down with Reggie, Josie, Katy Keene, or someone else or no one else, but she is successful and happy. Also, Tabitha goes to school in NYC, settles down there, works a six-figure job for a while, and then opens a Pop's franchise. Now, it can go two ways from here:

Veronica and Tabitha become friends in college. Veronica keeps trying to set Jughead and Tabitha up with different people she knows to no success (she keeps trying to set both of them up with intimidating women (partial success and bi Tabitha 4 life) and himbos (zero success, they both prefer smart people, and also bi Jughead 4 life), until one day she's complaining about it to Katy Keene or Reggie or Josie or someone and the other person is like "V, why don't you just set them up with each other?" And she's like "ohhhhh" and she does, and they either hit it off pretty quickly or Tabitha is like "wait, are you the guy who mooched off my grandpa for years??" And he's like "pardon??" And she dislikes him until he proves himself/Veronica explains the situation (Jughead was neglected and poor and Pop helped him out). But then they get along and swap stories about Pop and fall into some weird investigation and fall in love, and Veronica is like "Victory is mine!"

Tabitha starts franchising Pop's in NYC, and when Jughead finds out he's like "sus, very sus" and goes there and eats and is like ".....this is actually pretty spot-on". And he becomes a regular (who actually orders food and pays because he can now), and Tabitha is supervising the diner for a time, and they start to chat on late nights when he's the only customer left but the diner isn't scheduled to close for another two hours, so Tabitha could use the company. Jughead doesn't realize she's Pop's granddaughter, and Tabitha doesn't realize he's her grandpa's favorite customer (and known moocher, in her opinion), and when they find out, they're both very shocked. They clear up the moocher thing and keep falling in love, and it's beautiful, and Veronica spends some her spare time prying into Jughead's newest late-night haunt and then teasing him about his crush on the owner and later "of course you fell for Pop's granddaughter, of course".

-Jabitha or bugabitha: Jughead cooks his tired (future?) girlfriend(s) dinner because yes, he does know how to cook because he loves food, so obviously he learned how to cook, and also he notices how much his girlfriend(s) work and wants to take care of them.

-Jabitha: Tabitha teaching Jughead how to cook some of Pop's recipes one late, slow night, and yes, they kiss at the end and/or when he makes her something on another late, slow night or slow afternoon or one morning when he opens and she shows up later

-Bugabitha: Tabitha needs help with a mystery/situation and goes to Betty and Jughead's PI agency to hire them (whether Betty and Jughead are together is up for grabs), and they are both charmed as fuck by her, and Tabitha tags along on the investigation for idk reasons, and they all fall in love and also solve a mystery

-Jabitha: smut/pwp of Jughead eating Tabitha out in Pop's while they're both still in uniform

-Jabith or Bugabith: like three students trip and fall into being way too invested in their teacher's/teachers' love life/lives and become convinced that something is going on between Jughead and Tabitha (and maybe also Betty) and start snooping while also documenting it on a popular "my English teacher is dating his other boss (and also my shop teacher)" or "my English teacher is two-timing his boss with my shop teacher" TikTok series that Jughead and Tabitha (and Betty) don't know about it until it goes viral after the kids finally get proof they're together / find out that it's not that Jughead's cheating with Betty and/or Tabitha's cheating with Betty but that the three of them are dating (see: that one fanart I commissioned of the Elite meme). Told from the kids' pov, very comedy-heavy (more comedy than ship fluff, tbh), includes replies to the TikToks and other social media stuff. Still considering writing this myself, but I don't know if I'm funny enough, tbh

-Bugabitha: how they do or do not celebrate holidays and birthdays, especially if the holidays involving shuffling between/avoiding their families and Betty recounts the disaster that was Jughead's birthday in 1x10, right down to (lovingly) roasting him for the "I'm weird, I'm a weirdo" speech (she will be kind by including how sweet he was in the diner, of course)

-Bugabitha: Alice finally finds out that Betty, Jughead, and Tabitha are all dating when Betty moves out of the Cooper house and into an apartment with Jughead and Tabitha. It includes something like the following exchange, Alice's last-ditch effort to convince Betty not to do this:

"Elizabeth, you cannot think that moving in with your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend is wise."

"Mom, I'm not moving in with my ex and his girlfriend, I'm moving in with my boyfriend and my girlfriend, and you're making me late for lunch with them, bye." And then Betty leaves before Alice can respond

And then it's very important that Alice freaks out. If you want, you can also include FP and Gladys finding out (v chill) and Pop finding out (the most wholesome and supportive)

-Jabitha: Pop playing matchmaker with Jughead and Tabitha at any age, could be in an au where Tabitha comes to visit Pop every summer and Jughead kinda falls for her from afar as a teen, could be Jughead gets a job post-senior year at Pop’s during the summer when Tabitha is working there that summer, could be during the canon s5 or an au s5, could be any time, idk

- Jabitha, bughead, or bugabitha: Jughead's editor says that his novel needs a sex scene for whatever reason, idk, idc, but his POV character/narrator is a woman, and he's like "how do I write this without finding myself on one of those lists of 'men who can't write women?'" and bemoans this one day, and, idk, somehow his friend(s) Tabitha and/or Betty trip and fall into ~helping~ him by being very explicit and descriptive of how it feels while they bone

I think that’s it? Let’s say that’s it for now.

#asks #polaroid-fangirl13 #Riverdale #Riverdale season 5 #jabitha #bugabitha #fic ideas #fic ideas for sale #my thoughts on Riverdale let me show you them #I guess?

[i-may-be]

Hello love, I came across your account and saw that you were doing matchups, so a platonic and/or romantic Harry Potter matchup would really put a smile on me <3

So about me, I’m bisexual without any preference. I’m a 5’4 female, taurus, INTP 4w5 and my hogwarts house is slytherin.

I have blond, shoulder length wavy hair. My skin is pale with slight dark circles under my eyes. Talking about eyes, mines are green and bright, although sometimes they do look grey at some points. The way I dress changes every week, like honestly. I go from full on dark academia one week to rather ”preppy” the other. Jewelry always. My body type is apparently “a spoon”. Though I have a small and skinny body.

Other than that I play guitar, and I’d like to say and think I am good at it bc when I play you could mistake me for being a musician. Lowkey. Anyways I used to have very little confident but then I started wearing eyeliner and now I feel like I rule the world.

I’m over all introverted. My friend and family describes me as intelligent, which I can agree on partly. I’m a good at speaking and arguing when someone has disgusting and terrible views such as homophobia, rasicm etc. My humor is straight up terrible. So dry and dark. I’m the kind of person to die laughing at my own shitty jokes. I’m very very ambitious. I am a good listener and I really try to help people with things that is bothering them as much as possible. When I first meet people I think I give the impression that I slightly judge them? I’m also quiet. But then when I get comfortable around someone I’m the total different. One of my flaws is how pessimistic I am and how I always complain about the smallest things. I’m currently complaining about my constantly cold hands, and has been doing that since 6 months back. I’m trying hard to change that though. I’m also a dramatic fuck. I overreact all the time and it’s actually really terrible.

As you might have noticed, I love music. The possibility of finding me dancing and jumping around to songs no one likes but me is definitely huge. Other than that I read quite a lot. Usually it’s realistic books about mental instability, or those about crime. I love watching true crime documentaries even though it makes me anxious of everything. Also, horror movies. Omg I love them. Moving on I write poetry as a way to express my feelings when I can’t get them out of my mouth. I’m not an active person at all, like I’ve tried a bunch of sports and I dislike em all. I’ve started with daily walkes though to improve my mental health when I recently got diagnosed with anxiety and an ed.

My type of person in both friendship and relationships is someone who has my humor or at least understand it. Otherwise there’s no way it will work. Also a person who is loyal and I can talk to about anything. A shoulder to cry on ejsjskwh. They don’t have to be a genius, but intelligence is a good and attractive quality. And of course respect me for who I am and don’t tries to change me. My love language is probably words of affirmation.

I love learning new languages, i’m currently trying my best to learn both italian, spanish and french (french only so I can write a love letter to absolutely no one 🙄) I’m addicted to matcha latte and Iced coffee. I curse too much. I love candles, especially those who smell scent. I really enjoy museums and I like history over all.

That’s about it. My prounouns are she/her btw <33 have a great day and thanks in advance

hello! thank you for choosing this blog for your matchup!

HARRY POTTER PLATONIC MATCHUP: Fred Weasley

HOW YOU MET

meet UGLY. you both heard bad shit about eachother it was so wild. A mutual friend of yours was talking shit about you two each other, honestly George was the one to be like "wtf this has gotta be bs " and went to Lee who went to Katie who- look it was a lot

BUT! the end result was you both became friends and found you actually both had a lot in common!! It was lokwey awkward at first but Fred is spiteful and decided he was going to be your friend

Nice choice too! You both got along very well. Bless anyone who tries to talk shit about either of you to the other cause that'd be kinda funny around the circle thing or whatever the expression is.

The point is you both became friends due to one of those weird school dramas that everyone forgets within a week.

Fred finds this hilarious, and is adment about talking about it and explaining it to anyone who dares ask where you both met, Molly had a shock hearing this story I gotta tell you

RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

I'm not sure why but I feel like you both give off similar vibes without at all presenting similarly. Also I feel like you'd influence each other a lot- specifically your sense of humor. Like maybe your humors aren't as matched when you first meet but once you get to know eachother other people are concerned at the shit you find funny. You also influence his music taste, I feel like it would be positively horrible at first.

You're like he only possible source of any kind of style ever. He learnt how to do eyeliner after stealing on if your eyeliners and letting your guard down long enough to let him have it was a horrible mistake because he's gotten so much more confidence and it is so annoying. Atleast you can apply it better, he has shakey hands and it's always a little off when he does it.

I feel like you'd both have a lot of inside jokes. I also feel like one of them would involve a pokemon for some reason??? Not sure why. Anyway you'd both have lowkey strange conversations. You're both smart people, so it would be like a lil bit of googling and just talking based on something weird like if meterorites could be used as paint or something. I dunno but you both have some nice talks

There was nothin that prompted this but I think he would make a walter white edit of every song you like for no particular reason, he mightnt even have watched breaking bad. Ok, it's not exclusively walter white, he also keeps videos and pictures of friends to make edits of them, and he's made edits of you. He thinks it's funny.

HANGING OUT

He's going to be dragging you into some dumb shit. You could be having the most simple and dramaless day and he is coming in like a wrecking ball and asking some favour from you. This include pranks but also you wingmanning him for some reason?? Like he'll call you up and be like "OK so there's a cute person in my line of sight" and you just know what he's about to ask.

I feel like you would both help each other in your ambitious little projects. Fred should have been a Slytherin, really- but that's not the point. He has a more positive view than you, so I feel like you both balance to make realistic choices. You'd both talk about your passion projects together and it would be so chill and nice.

You two participating in anything horror together, scary movie, a haunted house, whatever the hell. It always starts with Fred finding it funny when you get scared and then Fred jumping at the sound of someone opening the door. It's fun, nonetheless, and if it ever gets too scary for either of you you'll both just talk about the movie or something but it's bestie vibes fr.

Group meetups for sure. When you're friends with Fred you get like 16 friends by extension. I think he'd invite you to escape rooms a lot specifically, because I believe you would be good at them for some reason. Gosh Molly adores you btw, thinks you're a great influence on him. Ron would not believe you are genuinely friends with Fred and he will never say why.

ROMANTIC MATCHUP: Luna Lovegood

HOW YOU MET

It was either in a library or bookshop! You were passing by the magazine/newspaper section and noticed someone stacking the display with a magazine subscription you'd never seen before. You figured "ah what the hell" cause who knows, could be your new favourite magazine idk.

Lucky for you, the lady stacking the racks with the magazines was happy to ramble on about what she knew about the magazine- this was Luna!! She worked at the place, because who doesn't want a few buck and to stay in a nicely kept place while working.

You both spoke for a while, leading into conversations about different books- maybe one you had been looking for or was due to come out. A while went past before Luna was called off to do another job, and you both part ways for now.

But you visited again! Luna spotted you and was the one to approach you, having recognised you. She helped you out and because it was such a quiet day, she didn't have much to do workwise besides sign off for an order later in the day.

And you grew closer! You both got a coffee and your friendship stems from there!

RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

Her love language is most definitely a mixture of gift giving and words of affirmation. She loves giving you things that reminded her of you, or something she made for you(she is very creative). She's also very open about her feelings for you, and she'll tell you how much she loves you with such pretty words. think the p&p "you have bewitched me, body and mind" type words. ALSO her giving you cute poems!! I think she would like poetry; like she has poetry books and highlights the lines that she wants to share with you :]

Deadass would learn French in a day to exchange love letters with you. Like you mention the idea and suddenly she's on duolingo and calling you cute shit like "mon mignon"(my cutie) or smth oh my gosh i am so single. ANYHOW! You could mention something to her once and she'll have a scrapbook of all she's learnt about it withing the week, she just likes to know what you're talking about.

Your clothes are going to be stolen, and Luna is not sorry. Your clothes just look so comfy, she can't help it :( And you have such a good sense of style!!! She does share her clothes with you too!! And her jewlery!! I feel like she would make her own jewlery, made of an assorment or random things she has, like pokemon cards idk-

She isn't really one to laugh, but she has a certain smile that she makes when she finds something funny. You've probably only seen her laugh a few times, and it's mostly likely at something you said or did. She has such a cute giggle it's torturous that you can't hear it more often. She definitely laughs a lot more when she's tired, so catch her out late at night or when she wakes up.

HANGING OUT

If she doesn't beg you to do this, be sure to know that I am begging for you to do it; teach her guitar!! Ok, she might not so much be involved in actually learning how to play as she is with you teaching her! Sharing the cords you know, talking about your favourite song to play, she could listen to you forgever!! And it's a plus to hear you play and watch your technique, she's just so inlove with you!!!

Ok but picture this; you're in one of your rooms, you have music on, and you're both just going along with the beat and having fun!! I think it would be a good destresser and a way to release nervous energy(which I firmly believe Luna has a lot of!!). It doesn't even matter what the music is like, as long as there's a good beat and it's fun to dance too!

You two watching true crime documentaries together, she's a comforting presence to have with em I gotta say. She's so reassuring and sweet, and she'd definitely do something like play with your hair or hands to ease your nerves a little subconciously. Also I'm not sure why but I feel like Luna would like Analog Horror? So she would probably draw comparisons to one somehow- idk like "hey atleast they aren't traveling through screens to steal babies and make people go insane" or something idk I only watched matpat's theory.

Going to museums and stuff together!! I think she would like art museums, or exhibitions. If you ever travel the world together it would be a goldmine for the both of you, and would create and ocean of good memories. You dragging each other to certain sections or displays, and talking about what you both found interesting after over some food or drink, gosh just you two traveling the world together.

#haydens matchups!!! #matchups #harry potter matchups #hp matchups #hp #luna lovegood #fred weasley

[percyjacksonfan3]

For the salty asks: numbers one, five, six, and twenty through twenty-three please 😇

I live for the chaos so pls just... go off my dude

Ah Tay, reason #187893467 that I love you is that you indulge me in my rants <3

Salty asks are from this post!

K this got LONG so here's a read more!

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Honestly even though I don't multi-ship often I DO usually get the appeal behind ships so this is a really short list. This will probably get me some hate but I still to this day can't get behind c/ex@ from the show that will not be named. But then again I do get the appeal of two super attractive women with chemistry and the whole ruler/ girl who makes the ruler change their ways thing. So I guess I get it even if I don't like it?

Also, and this is not to hate on Hinny, but Harry and Ginny from HP are not my cup of tea. I like what fandom has done for them but the actual content we get for them in the books (and movies, but I prefer the books) isn't enough for me to love them. Same with Mal and Alina from S & B/ Grishaverse, they're so bland to me in the books but the show is doing far better with them and actually making Mal ya know. Likeable. Again, I don't ship it, but best friends to lovers is top tier so I get it.

Oh! I also don't really get Dwalin/Ori from The Hobbit, but that is probably in large part because I'm a Dwalin/Nori shipper. Again though, all of the secondary characters' relationships in The Hobbit rely on fans to extrapolate HARD and wear extreme shipper goggles, and ik there's that scene where Dwalin helps Ori out of the river so like.. maybe that's where it's from? I don't hate it or anything but it's always something that's made me go ??? cause I have no idea where the heck it came from.

Apart from that... I can't think of any rn? I feel like I understand where all the PJO ships come from, even if I don't ship them. There are a couple that I don't understand how they can be someone's OTP, just because I find them super boring (no offense to those who ship C@leo or J@siper but I just don't love how Rick handled those relationships). In TSC I think fandom mainly vibes with the same pairings and that's true for most of my book fandoms. With the shows I watch I don't think fans majorly ship anything too out there for me. Maybe I don't interact enough with fandoms to tell. So this is all I got.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

Oh my god, oh my god, this is a can of worms, my lord. A pairing I'm not so sure about, but characters? Abso-fucking-lutely. I took a break from PJO fandom for exactly that reason and the list of characters is endless honestly, for multiple fandoms.

I won't say fandom ruined Bell@rke for me cause I still ship it, but I definitely lost enthusiasm with how toxic the shows fandom was and then that was made even worse when the show completely destroyed itself with the worst writing and plots ever in the latter seasons.

Also I have a feeling that G@me of Thrones/ @soiaf ruined one for me but I can't remember this very second. Maybe not, and again that's probably cause I don't interact with fandoms en masse, usually just through fic and following a few people I vibe with in each.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Yes, quite a few! I used to dislike Drarry (for obvious reasons I feel) and Romione (as a kid I wanted Hermione to be with Harry and even when I grew out of that I really didn't like she was with Ron) but fandom changed that for sure. And same with Darklina now, I was upset cause I felt like the books really underutilized their relationship and fell short of what could have been a super awesome pairing if better explored, but the show fandom is taking it in so many different ways that I'm starting to really love them despite the reasons I shouldn't.

And I won't say I hated Hayffie in THG, but definitely the only reason I ship them is from reading @ellanainthetardis's fic Have a Drink Sweetheart and then all the others written for them. That portrayal of Hayffie and the characters have become my own headcanons now because I've been reading them for so long and they're so good.

Fandom made me ship Leon and Morgana from Merlin too, though that's very lowkey. I never hated them, I just never thought of them as a pairing until reading fic.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Percabeth. I don't care which fandom, it's Percabeth. Growing up together, going from enemies to friends to best friends to lovers? The establishment of them being best friends and the way Rick wrote that friendship was so pure, and they are a couple with no internal problems, all external, and you just know they're gonna be together through everything, fighting at each other's side, cause that's the way they are. There's a reason they're my OTP and it's cause they are the most well-established, ride or die couple I can think of. They're just so solid.

21. What are your thoughts on crack ships?

Love em for fandom but personally I very rarely get behind crackships just because I usually need a lot of build up, scenes, good dialogue and chemistry, etc. to ship something, so most of my ships aren't crack ships. The only one I can really think of that I actively root for and ship and would read fic for is Billy/ Owen from 911 Lonestar which is just... something.

Like idk if Barduil from The Hobbit is crack because ik it's quite popular... what makes a ship a crack ship anyway? Lack of canon reference? Is it cause they two characters would be so random together because they barely ever interact? Or because it's SO unrealistic you know for sure it will never happen but want it to anyway? Or is it lack of popularity in fandom? I need someone to define this so I have a better answer :D if it's the second option then I have MANY

I love seeing fandom stuff for crack ships though, cause seriously, it's fiction, ship who you want. If you ship two characters just cause you think they're pretty side by side then that's enough for me. Make all of the fan art and fic you like.

22. Popular character you hate?

Oof. Jason from HOO. And Leo in everything after The Lost Hero. I hated Piper in The Lost Hero and Mark of Athena but like her after those. I don't like any of the book characters from S & B except Nikolai, but I like everyone in the show (except David? Why did they make him so weird? Like he's not even awkward, he's straight up rude imo, but anyway). In @soiaf I don't like Jon Snow, I think he's boring. And I despise Jorah Mormont cause I think he's creepy for having a crush on Dany.

Didn't love Stefan in TVD, too much of a goody-two-shoes. I liked dark Stefan but it felt like a totally different character. Honestly most of the characters I don't like cause they're boring or too by-the-book.

OH! A big one in M@rvel is Captain America. Can't stand him honestly, I like him as a character to have in the story, but I like never agree with him on anything. I like a couple of his one-liners but that's it really. I also don't like Gale in THG, idk if that's controversial. Or Lex@ from the show that will not be named because I think she's manipulative and not good for any of the characters i DO love.

Is Ron popular? I think so. I like fandom Ron but not canon Ron and idk why. I think I'm growing out of it but I read those books when I was like 7 initially so I thought it was awful of Ron to stop being friends with Harry because he was jealous and I never really got over that.

There are so many but I'm gonna stop now.

23. Unpopular character you love?

Again, tons. I love anyone whose got kind of a tortured backstory because it makes them more interesting to me.

I love Movieverse Hawkeye! I think Clint is great and while I wish his deafness was canon in Marvel and I don't love J Remmer, I do love Hawkeye a lot. He was honestly one of the only Marvel characters that felt consistent and in-character throughout the movies.

I like President Snow from THG just cause I think he was a fantastic villain. And Effie and Haymitch aren't unpopular, but they're probably my favourites, again because of the fics mentioned above.

Leon from Merlin!! I don't actually think he's unpopular, but he's like... my fourth favourite character in the show which I know IS considered high for most people.

Sandor Clegane from ASOIAF. Not the show, just the books. His book character is phenomenal and I am so excited for GrrM to finish the goddamn series so I know what happens to him.

The Stolls and Katie Gardner from PJO cause fandom created Tratie and sucked me in at a young age.

Bellatrix Lestrange? Is she unpopular? I don't think so but she's another one I think is a fantastic villain. I'm almost more interested in her than Voldemort tbh.

That's probably it!

Thanks so much for the ask Tay, this was tons of fun! Anyone else who's interested can feel free to fill my inbox!

#taylor tag #ask games #look it's me! #now I'm just thinking of all the ships I hate and want to go off #i won't #but tay maybe you've awakened something in me that you will feel the brunt of later

[eberles]

Love, Rafe ♡

Part 4 - Boston

Rafe Cameron x OC

A/N: For those of you who have seen Love, Rosie you know that when Alex meets Sally, everything pretty much fast forwards about 5 years or so? So this chapter is A LOT. Anyways I hope you enjoy reading! ☺️ 

as some of you know, tumblr doesn’t want Love, Rafe on any of the OBX tags, so if you like it please reblog it 🥺it means a lot to me!

Warnings: angst, swearing

Part One Part Two Part Three

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“Hi yea, I think we have a class together right? I’m Zoe!” she responded smiling and accepting his handshake. Zoe had to admit she came to this bar to sit alone and drink until she wasn’t sad about Rafe anymore, but seeing Nate did lift her sprits quite a bit. 

✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽✽

It’s been one year since Zoe met Nate in that bar in Boston and in that year they have moved in together. Zoe kept in contact with Rafe of course, sending gifts for Christmases and birthdays for him and baby Katie, but they haven’t actually seen each other at all. Zoe and Nate sent rafe Christmas cards with their photos on them to which Rafe rolled his eyes at, but Zoe always loved receiving Christmas cards with pictures of Rafe and baby Katie. She even hung them up as decorations around Christmas time despite Nate’s open dislike towards it. Nate often looked down on Rafe and his friendship with Zoe, but he was just a jealous man deep down. They often video chatted and when they couldn’t they would just send videos to each other and respond when they could. 

This went on for the next 5 years. Baby Katie was no longer a baby anymore, in fact, she could ride a bike on her own and she was about to start kindergarten! Rafe was doing good with Katie and now that she was able to go to school Rafe could finally get a stable job working with his father relearning the business he once knew in high school. Rafe wasn’t dating anyone but he definitely didn’t frown on having few one night stands every now and then. 

Zoe’s life was not nearly as perfect as it looked to the outside world. Sure, her and Nate lived in a perfect Boston apartment, but little did everyone know that that same apartment was where they spent a lot of time fighting. Mostly fights about stupid stuff like Zoe’s hair clogging the shower drain and if Zoe turned the heat up before asking Nate about it first, but he was always quick to blow up. One of those pointless late night fights is what led to Zoe texting Rafe telling him she missed him and wanted him to come visit and now that Katie was old enough to leave with his parents for more than a few hours, he said yes. 

It was just a few days later when Zoe met Rafe at an airport in Boston and of course the moment she saw him walking through the gates with his bags she ran up to him. Rafe spotted her running and dropped his bags while opening his arms waiting for Zoe to run into them and she did, along with lifting her legs and wrapping them around Rafe’s waist to give him the tightest hug ever. They were both smiling like crazy and everyone was staring at them in the middle of the airport. 

“I missed you!” Zoe said as Rafe put her back down on the ground.

“So, are you tired, hungry?” Zoe asked Rafe was they started moving through the airport.

“No..why?” Rafe asked her skeptically. He was right to be skeptical because they ended up at a rave with a few of Zoe’s friends from college. They had a really amazing night filled with alcohol, dancing, jumping around, swimming in a pool fully clothed. The two of them didn’t get any sleep that night; once the sun started to come up they ended up walking around the streets of Boston doing some sightseeing and touristy adventures. They ended up in Boston Commons laying on the grass just catching up on life. 

“I don’t regret Katie, ya know? She’s the most amazing kid. The only weird thing is that she reminds me more of you than Olivia, but I think that’s because I love her.” Rafe spoke as he started to move closer to Zoe. They were both laying in the grass but their faces were closer than ever. Rafe looked between Zoe’s eyes and lips a few times before deciding to lean in for a kiss. Zoe pulled away before their lips could connect and sighed quietly.

“We should go.” Zoe whispered and Rafe nodded in response. Since they had been out all night Zoe thought it would be nice to bring Rafe back to her apartment. Upon walking into the apartment, they saw Nate sitting on the stairs as if he was waiting for Zoe.

“Uh, Nate this is Rafe, Rafe meet Nate.” Zoe said politely looking between the two.

“Good morning.” Nate sighed out and retreated back upstairs to their shared room giving Zoe and Rafe a chance to exchange a side glance. The evening was about to get more tense however. Nate loved to cook so he thought it would be best to have a fun family dinner with his sister, Rafe, and Zoe. Rafe and Zoe sat next to each other across from Nate and his sister. He prepared an extremely posh meal in which Rafe felt he was too ‘normal’ to eat.

“Wow, you guys eat like this all the time?” Rafe asked.

“No, just when we have special guests.” Nate responded with no emotion in his voice.

“Well, it looks delicious.” Rafe added, trying to soften the tension in the air. Nate smiled slightly at his response, but you could tell he didn’t care very much what Rafe thought of his food. A few minutes of awkward silence goes by before Nate’s phone rings and Zoe isn’t surprised when he leaves dinner to answer it.

“Who was that?” Zoe asked with a raised eyebrow when he returned to the table.

“Can we just talk about it later, please?” Nate said quietly trying to keep their business out of Rafe’s ears.

“No, tell me now, Nate.” Zoe said getting a little angry, she knew who it was and she wanted Nate to say it.

“It was Melissa, okay? For fucks sakes, you can never leave anything alone!” Nate started off quiet but he yelling by the end of his sentence. It didn’t take long for him to abruptly stand up from the table and throw his dish in the sink breaking it in the process, before he stormed off.

“Who is Melissa?” Rafe asked Zoe quietly.

“The girl Nate cheated on me with a few months ago.” Zoe whispered, trying to wrap her brain around the fact it was happening again, but she had a gut feelings when he ran off to answer the phone. Nate would’ve never done that if it were anyone else calling which is why she pushed for him to tell her who it was. Zoe knew she should’ve told Rafe when it happened, but she was embarrassed and Nate promised it was over and then it didn’t mean anything. Rafe didn’t ask anymore questions even though he had about a dozen more upon hearing her answer. 

“Well, at least we still have that art show to go to later!” Nate’s sister spoke out once Nate returned back downstairs with the rest of you. Although the art show wasn’t exactly good either. It didn’t take long for Rafe to get fed up with the lies around him and storm out, but he didn’t expect Zoe to leave Nate’s side and follow him out.

“Rafe! Where are you going?” Zoe yelled out, following Rafe down the side walk.

“I’m going back to Outer Banks, Zoe! I shouldn’t be here and you know that!” Rafe said back while raising his arms up in the air as he turned around to face Zoe.

“Rafe, what? Everything’s fine, Nate and I act like that all the time.” Zoe breathed out once she caught up to him.

“Oh that’s great, i’m so glad you’re fine, but i’m not, we were out together all night Zoe, and you didn’t even tell me your boyfriend is cheating on you! Why am I here, Zoe? So you can get back at him?” Rafe questioned her.

“You’re here because I wanted to see you! Jesus, you’re my best friend!” Zoe yelled back, getting defensive. 

“Or maybe you needed someone that you know well enough to point out what’s right in front of you.” Rafe spoke, trying to be gentle with Zoe.

“What are you even talking about, Rafe?” Zoe said while slumping her shoulders down, already exhausted from this conversation.

“This entire thing is so fucked up, Zoe! God damnit! Open your eyes!” Rafe yelled, getting frustrated.

“I don’t know if you’re like jealous of my life here seeing what you could’ve had if you didn’t get a girl pregnant or what, Rafe, but you need to relax.” Zoe said as she felt her eyes start to fill with tears.

“I’m not jealous, Zoe, I feel sorry for you, and I can’t do this.” Rafe laughed out and walked away from Zoe leaving her on the side walk for the second time that night. 

Part 5

#outer banks #obx #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x oc #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron blurb #drew starkey #outer banks imagine

[imreallyloveleee]

thoughts on 4x13

HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW MARCH 15 IS THE IDES OF MARCH? WELL? DIDJA? IF NOT DON’T WORRY BECAUSE THIS EPISODE OF RIVERDALE WILL NOT LET YOU FORGET IT

- constant Ides of March references aside, this is a pretty good and decently-paced episode! several characters’ storylines intertwine and the one that sort of just floats out there on its own (the hermosa rum shakedown thing) has blessedly little screen time.

- that said, the screen time it does get is just awful. Hermosa wins the award for Worst Spy on Earth - she goes to Veronica’s club so she can figure out where Veronica’s maple rum bordello is and then is completely shocked when Veronica herself shows up at the Five Seasons. i’m stumped as to what she was trying to accomplish here. i also really hate that hideous pink dress she’s wearing in these scenes, and her glasses are ugly. thank u, next!

- at the other end of the spectrum, Veronica wears a SUPER cute sheer black top with polka dots in that confrontation scene that i recognize from her lame shopping scene with Katy Keene in the previous episode

- the Lodge family penchant for wearing poorly fitted blonde wigs must be genetic...#HiramInAWig2k21?

- Veronica drinks a lot in this episode and i don’t know if we’re supposed to see it as the start of a downward spiral or what, but i’m here for it. live it up while you can, girl, coronavirus is right around the corner

- Varchie finally interact here for the first time in...a while, and it’s compelling! they’re having some believable end-of-high-school conflict! i like it. i feel for both of them. and this feels to me like the real path their relationship would end up taking. i don’t dislike this ship by any means, but i really don’t see them as two people who are compatible beyond the high school setting (at least, not in the show’s canon - i’ve read plenty of fics that make it work). 

- i also like that 5 seconds after they arrive at the Stonewall party Veronica is like “let’s go fuck in the woods” and Archie is like “ok cool!!”

- Archie actually lands on a very reasonable life plan by the end of this episode: go to summer school, graduate HS, then apply to colleges for the spring semester. i’m bummed this is not happening; i would have much rather seen Archie get an associate’s degree and then start running the family construction business, than see him go into the army. because it would be better for him, and because i am already deeply bored just thinking about all the scenes we will have to endure in season 5 of Archie suffering PTSD / reminiscing with some Uncle Frank-esque army buddy who served time with him in some Middle Eastern country we will never know the name of

- at this point, Tom Keller appears to be fully dependent on the largesse of a high school student for his income. no wonder Kevin became a tickle porn mogul

- i ADORE the early scene where Betty gives Jughead a very obvious suggestion for the plot of his Baxter Bros rewrite, and he’s like, “YOU’RE A GENIUS.” that’s such an underrated kiss, and Betty’s smirky-eye-roll-y face afterwards is adorable. i love that their brains are what turn them on about each other.

-  the writers made the huge mistake in this episode of telling us what day of the week it is. because of this, i am forced to conclude that Betty is wearing her ruffled turtleneck outfit for a period of at least 2-3 days in this episode. maybe @bettycooperoutfitwatch can confirm?

- more timeline shenanigans: Jughead says (while hooked up to a lie detector!) that he started writing the story “that qualified him for Yale” (lol) in late summer. didn’t we see Betty reading that finished story at the very beginning of 4x02, which explicitly begins just a few days before the 4th of July?

- sidenote, i like that Bughead give up on the whole lie detector thing after 10 seconds and basically admit they just brought it for the dRaMa

- Jughead should have found an English teacher to run a test and confirm the Stonies’ manuscript’s DNA was not 51% different from his manuscript’s DNA

- i am far from the first person to say this, but WHAT WAS JUGHEAD’S PLAN??? the last thing we see him do is throw the rabbit mask on the ground, put the beanie on his head (thank god...as we know, it protected his brain from Joan’s death blow...thank u for ur service beanie), and flick open his pocketknife. was he going to gut Bret in the woods? slice off some skin a la Penny Peabody? this all feels very extreme. but he did tell Betty he would kill Bret if he really had a sex tape of them. so...?

- Betty and Donna are fun to watch together, i’m excited for more of this in the next few eps

- final warning note: NEVER trust Archie Andrews to tell you whether or not someone unconscious is actually dead, guys!!!

#loveleee rewatches riverdale season 4 #i am excited about the next few! #riverdale

[13-reasons-ideas]

I love that you’re one of the few writers that will write about Monty. I don’t support what he did but I love how much of a complex character do you think you could do a imagine where the reader used to date Monty but broke up bc of his recklessness. She started dating Justin but found out he cheated on her by hooking up with Jessica. Then Monty sneaks into her bedroom window and comforts her and it’s fluffy

“I’m sorry Montgomery.”

“Why (Y/N)?”

“I just can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep watching you self-destruct. I thought that when we got together, that maybe you would stop? That you would realize that your reckless behaviour had to come to an end? You’re an adult now. Your behaviour has actual, real consequences.”

“Self-destruct? You think that’s what it is?”

“I don’t know Monty. That’s just it. You don’t let me in. I never know what is going on in your head. I get you don’t like talking about stuff, but when you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re supposed to talk to them.”

“This is stupid.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way. But you can’t sit here and tell me you haven’t seen this coming. Your behaviour needs to change. Your recklessness needs to stop. Before you do something you really regret or gets you hurt. Or worse. I just can’t be around to see it.”

“(Y/N) please. I’m trying.” He said, grabbing my hand.

“I really am sorry Montgomery. I hope you figure things out.” I smiled sadly at him before walking away, trying my damnedest to hold back tears. I couldn’t bring myself to look back.

TWO MONTHS LATER

I walked into school with my bag slung haphazardly over my shoulder, listening to a podcast on my phone. Before I could make my way to my locker, I was stopped abruptly by a blue and white jacket, causing me to stumble.

“Oof.” I grunted.

“Shit, sorry.” I heard Justin Foley, er… Jensen. Foley-Jensen? say.

“Yeah, whatever.” I replied, trying to walk away from him. Birds of a feather flock together. Same principle for jocks.

“Actually hey (Y/N). Wait up a second.”

I stopped and turned to him, “yes Justin? What can I do for you?”

“Well, when you put it that way, you can let me take you to dinner on Saturday.” He told me, rather than asked. I think I saw his chest puff out a bit.

“Uh, let me think for a minute about that.” I said, fully intending to say no. Suddenly I saw a familiar flannel shirt coming towards us. Making a show of thinking about it before responding, “pick me up at 7. I’ll text you my address.” I turned and walked away. Behind me I could practically hear Montgomery ringing Justin’s neck in his head. As I made my way to physics, I felt someone’s eyes on me. I didn’t need to turn to know who was watching.

Justin kept his word and was outside my house at 6:55 on Saturday. My mom let him in as I was grabbing my coat from my room. “Samantha is just about ready Justin, why don’t you have a seat.” I heard her say to him. Oh no, not the seat trick.

Running out of my room with my coat, I yelled, “that’s okay mom. I’m ready. He doesn’t need to sit.” When I got to the top of the stairs, I stopped. “Hey Justin.”

“Hey Sam.” He waved, “you look pretty tonight.”

I giggled quietly, “thanks.” I haven’t giggled in a long time. Pulling on a pair of worn chucks, I pulled on my coat and Justin led me out to the car. “Bye Mom. Don’t wait up.”

We joked around in the car a bit on the way to the restaurant. “Wait, so you actually told Clay that you’re a ‘fucking awesome driver’ and he believed you? Clay?”

“Yes. And I am, or had you not noticed?” He confirmed, motioning to the steering wheel with one hand.

“No, no I noticed. I’m just surprised Clay agreed. It took him like eight years to acknowledge you as more than ‘that kid’ or ‘ew Justin’.”

“Well, detoxing in a guy’s bedroom can do things to your relationship.”

“You puked on his bed, didn’t you?”

“Yeah… not my finest moment. At least it wasn’t Tony’s jacket.”

“Meh, happens to the best of us. Sometimes it happens. You’re right though. If it was Tony’s jacket, he would have killed you so you were all dead.”

“As opposed to?”

“Just mostly dead.”

Justin laughed heartily at the cheesy joke, “That was a good movie.”

We arrived at the local Italian restaurant and Justin was a wonderful gentleman. He opened my door for me, and we walked hand in hand to the door, which he also opened for me. After we were seated and had ordered, we continued our conversation from the car. “So, skipping over the ‘I was friends with Bryce Walker and that was a time’ thing, who are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we’ve known each other since we were in middle school and all I know about you is you’re a jock, you were friends with Bryce, you dated Jessica Davis, and you were adopted by the Jensen’s for reasons I don’t think we need to discuss too much right now.”

“What do you want to know?”

“What do you like?”

“Like in general?”

“Yes. What does Justin like?”

“Hmmm… okay. Justin likes crappy movies.”

“Okay. What else do you like?”

“Annoying Clay.”

“Well that’s a given. Something I don’t know please?”

“You.” He responded, taking a sip of his water.

I blushed, and played with a strand of my hair, “oh?”

“Yeah. Why else would I have asked you to dinner?”

“I don’t know. You didn’t want to go to a restaurant by yourself?”

“Oh, sweetie. I wouldn’t just ask you for that. I would bring Clay or something. Or put my big boy pants on and come by myself.”

“Okay, okay. I believe you.” I surrendered as our meals came. I tried to hold back a very not first date appropriate moan as I took a bite. My eyes widened instead and Justin chuckled. At least, until he had a bite of his own food. His eyes widened and rolled back slightly. Wow. That’s… wow.

After a few more bites of the wonderful food, Justin directed his attention back to me, “what about you?”

“What about me?”

“What do you like?”

“Oh umm, I like to run.” I said simply. I usually save the absentee father thing for the third date.

“That’s cool. What do you like about it?”

“I like that I can do it by myself and its just me, whatever I’m listening to at the time, and the pavement. I can just focus on that.”

“I can understand that. What else do you like?”

“I like art.”

“I know. I’ve seen you at lunch, hunched over your sketchbook. You always look so focused.”

“It’s nice to have something specific to focus on and get an end result that lasts a lifetime.”

“Can I see some of your drawing sometime?”

“Sure. Only if you let me draw you though.”

“Like one of your French girls?”

“No, you perv. You.”

“Okay, deal.”

“Great. I can’t wait.”

After dinner was done, we made a stop at Monet’s for some dessert. We split a slice of cake and a cookie before calling it a night. He drove me home and we sat in the car for a while, neither of us wanting the night to end. “I should probably head inside. It’s getting late.” I whispered.

“You should. But do you want to?” he whispered back, reaching over to turn my face towards him.

“No.” I whispered back.

“Me either.”

My eyes flickered between his eyes and his lips. He nodded almost imperceptibly, and I leaned in slightly to place a chaste kiss on his lips. They were smooth and tasted like vanilla.

I pulled away first, not really wanting to. “I should go inside now.” I whispered softly, so as not to ruin our moment.

“Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Okay.” I nodded and reached for the door handle.

“Bye (Y/N).”

“Bye Justin.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” He’s really trying to drag this out.

“Bye. I’ll talk to you tomorrow and see you at school on Monday.”

“Okay.” He nodded and I took that as my queue to exit the vehicle. He waited for me to unlock the door and enter the house before leaving. I waved to him from my doorway as he backed out of my driveway and made his way home. That was perfect.

Justin called me the next day around one and we spent two hours on the phone together, just talking about random stuff. I learned of his very odd dislike of watermelon and he listened intently as I explained various art mediums. By the time Monday morning rolled around, I had a whole different idea of who Justin was. He was no longer the somewhat cocky jock. He was the sensitive boy I had only heard existed from friends of friends.

Monday morning, I decided to actually get up early and make myself look at least a little nice. I pulled out my favourite outfit, did stuff to my hair, and put on a touch of makeup. I stopped to get a coffee on my way and asked the barista what Justin’s order usually was. She was working Saturday night and saw us together, so she gave it to me readily. When I got to school, I sought Justin out and surprised him with his coffee. “Katie told me your order.” I explained at his questioning look.

“Thank you, it’s perfect.” He said, pulling me into his side and kissing the side of my head. I smiled, taking a sip of my own coffee and leaning into him.

“You guys are already cute. It’s sickening.” Clay said, giving Justin a light push. Once again, I felt someone’s eyes on the back of my head and had to resist the urge to turn to look at him. We broke up. Quit staring at me. If Clay noticed, he didn’t mention who was staring at me. Justin and I talked a bit before I had to literally run to Physics. I turned around to wave to him and I caught sight of Monty standing at his locker, looking as cranky and pissed off as ever.

Between classes, I was minding my own business, going over some biology notes, when I felt a hand grab me and pull me into an empty classroom. “Jesus. Could give a girl some warning before you grab her.” I spoke into the darkness. The sound of the door locking set my body on edge.

“I had to talk to you.” Monty said.

“Really? You had to talk to me? And you thought grabbing me and pulling me into an empty classroom was the best way to go about that?”

“Would you have given me the time of day otherwise (Y/N)?”

I was silent for a moment. “Fair point. Now what do you want? I have class.”

“I want to know why you agreed to go out with Justin.”

“Maybe because it’s a free country Montgomery?”

“That’s the worst explanation you have ever given, and you know it.”

“I don’t owe you an explanation. We aren’t together anymore. I am free to date whoever I want. You are too, if you ever decide to do that.”

“You broke up with me because you said I was reckless. And now you’re dating Justin fucking Foley.”

“I think he goes by Jensen now.”

“Who gives a damn? My point is, you left me because I’m reckless, and now you’re dating someone who is equally if not more reckless than me.”

“I fail to see how a recovering addict is more reckless than you.”

“You fail to… wow. I’m shocked we didn’t break up sooner.” Okay that stung.

“Thanks Monty. That was real nice of you.”

“Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“So how did you mean it?”

“Not how it sounded. But (Y/N), tell me you realize that Justin is just using you to fill the time until Jessica gets bored of Alex again. Because we all know she will. Or until he decides to run away again.”

“Huh. I didn’t think you could make yourself seem like more of a dick than you already had. Yet, here we are. I have to go. I’m running late.”

He was silent as I pushed past him and left the room. More reckless? More reckless than beating kids up for no reason? More reckless than any of the other shit he has pulled in the last four years? How pissed in his Corn Pops this morning? I was angry but I couldn’t help but replay his last statement over and over in my head, you realize that Justin is just using you to fill the time until Jessica gets bored of Alex again. Because we all know she will. Or until he decides to run away again. I was so distracted in biology; I missed an entire section of notes.

By the time lunch had rolled around, I had convinced myself that Montgomery was just pissed off and trying to fuck with my head, since he wouldn’t and couldn’t actually hurt me in any other way. I sat with Justin and his friends at lunch. I watched as he laughed along with them and smiled to myself. His friends included me as much as they could, but I could tell it was a little strange for them, seeing him with someone other than Jess. It’s not like I wasn’t friends with them, but with dating Monty and being so close to him, it was hard for us to hang out. Not that he kept me from them or anything, there was just a distance. It was nice to have them again. I decided to pull out my sketchbook and doodle while my friends talked amongst themselves. It wasn’t long before I had given up on doodling and had begun to draw Justin. It was a side profile and it was quick, so it wasn’t the greatest thing I had ever drawn, but it was okay. I would do better later when I had more time.

**

A few weeks after our first date, Justin invited me home to meet his folks. I had met them before because I was friends with Clay and sort of friends with Justin, but this was different. I was meeting them as Justin’s girlfriend now. For some reason I was more nervous to meet them than I was to meet Monty’s parents. Probably because you knew his dad wouldn’t like you and his mom was never really a concern for you. I pulled up in front of the Jensen house and looked up at the front window. The curtains fell back into place, so I knew at least one of the family members was waiting for my arrival.

I knocked on the door and it was opened almost immediately. Justin was waiting on the other side and he pulled me in the door excitedly. “You’re early.” He commented as he pulled me into a hug.

“I noticed. Have you been waiting by the door all morning?” I asked.

“No, he made me sit and wait when he had to go to the bathroom or wanted snacks.” Clay called from the couch.

“Lies.” Justin called back.

“Not lies. Hi (Y/N).” Mr. Jensen said as he came into the living room.

“Hey Mr. Jensen. How are you and Mrs. Jensen?”

“We are good. How many times do we have to tell you, its Matt and Lainie?”

“I know, I know. Old habits die hard, is all.”

“You still like tacos?”

“Uh… yes. They are great.”

“Good, its taco night.”

“That’s great dad, we are going to my room now.” Justin exclaimed, taking my hand and leading me to the back door.

“Um, okay.” I said.

“It’s my room too.” Clay called after us.

“Welcome to my room.” Justin said as he opened the door with a dramatic flair of his arm.

“Justin, I’ve been in your room before.” I laughed as I shook my head.

“I know, but this is different. Oh, I told clay you wouldn’t sit on his bed, so you can sit on mine.”

“Okay.” I nodded and sat down. As I looked around, I noticed there was more stuff on the walls, “what do boys call the stuff on the walls?”

“Clay calls it putting shit up, I call it homing.”

“Like the pigeons?”

“Yes.”

“Interesting.” There was a bit of a lull in the conversation. We had never been alone like this before.

“Did you bring your sketchbook?”

I gave him a look.

“Sorry, dumb question. Of course, you brought it.”

“I did yes. Why?”

“Can I look at it?”

“Not yet. The deal was I get to draw you and you get to look at it.”

Justin looked at his watch, “dinner won’t be for a while yet.”

“You want me to draw you now?” I asked, my brow raising.

“I mean, yeah. Why not?” he shrugged. “Where do you want me?”

I looked around the room again, deciding on an ideal spot, “well, your bed has really good natural light. I’ll grab a bar stool and sit there.”

Justin nodded and walked over, as I went to get up, he placed his hand around my arm. I looked at him questioningly before he placed a sweet kiss on my lips. I blushed as he pulled away. I will never get used to that. We changed spots quickly and I pulled a stool over. After a few directions and some time spent positioning him properly, I set to work. A bit after I started, he began speaking, “I feel like I don’t know much about you (Y/N/N).”

“What do you mean?” I asked, somewhat distracted.

“You know all these things about me, but I don’t know much about you personally. I know we were kind of friends, but you don’t really talk about yourself.”

“There’s not much to know. It’s just me and my mom. She’s a nurse and worked a lot growing up. I learned how to be pretty self-sufficient.”

“What about your dad?” He asked, moving slightly to get more comfortable.

“Never knew him. He walked out shortly after I was born. They weren’t married, so there wasn’t much to divide up when he left. Mom said when they went to court, he agreed to pay child support but didn’t want to have to be involved. Judge wasn’t thrilled when they submitted the paperwork, but my mom and her lawyer agreed to it.”

“That sucks.”

“I guess, but I never knew any different. What about you?”

“Never knew mine either. No real story. Amber is an addict, so I don’t know much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Anything else I should know?”

“I had a goldfish when I was a kid. His name was Napoleon.”

“Napoleon the fish?”

“Yes. I wasn’t allowed to have a dog or anything because my mom worked so much. And so, I gave my fish a weird name.” He made an impressed sound and face.

I had gotten about half the drawing done before clay knocked on the door and opened it with his eyes covered, “Dad says dinner is ready.”

“You can open your eyes, you squeamish child.” Justin chided.

“Nope. No I’m good.”

“We will be right in.” Clay nodded in response before backing out and closing the door firmly again. I closed the book and hopped out of my seat, placing my book on the counter.

“Can I see it?” Justin asked, beckoning me over.

“Not yet. It’s not done yet.” I told him. I walked over slowly, “dinner?”

“In a minute,” he started as he took my hand and pulled me down towards him, “have something to do first.” I smiled brightly at him as he pulled me down into a kiss, straddling his lap. A moment later, I pulled away and sat back.

“As much as I would like to continue this, your dad said you were having tacos.”

He sighed, nodding, “I know. We can continue this later.”

I stood up and smirked at him. Yes we can. I walked to the door and he smacked my ass playfully. I gave him an exaggerated shocked look and he grabbed my hand as we walked through the yard to the main house.

Dinner was fun and less awkward than I expected. I had gone over many times to hang out with Clay but going over as their son’s girlfriend was different. Matt and Lainie couldn’t ask me too much because they knew a lot about me. Tacos are always a fun food for company, and Justin made fun of my topping choice playfully. Clay overfilled his and it fell apart in his hands, drawing laughs from the table. It was nowhere near as bad as I expected. I couldn’t help but compare it to the awkward dinners I would have when Monty came over for at first and my mom wasn’t sure where she stood on the idea of him. I had always refused dinner with his family, so I didn’t need to hold my tongue around his dad for too long, which he never objected to.

Once dinner was over and it was time to go, I ran back to the boy’s room and grabbed my sketchbook. It’s not that I don’t trust Justin not to look… but I don’t trust Justin not to look.Justin and I said our goodbyes much quicker than we did that first night and I texted him when I got home to let him know I was safe. The following day at school, I was surprised to find Justin waiting at my locker with a muffin.

“Stopped by work on the way this morning and picked this up for you.” I smiled and kissed his cheek as I took it, biting into the fresh baked good. A very NSFW moan left my throat before I could stop it. I looked at Justin with wide eyes and a bright red face. He looked like he was trying to talk himself out of either laughing or dragging me to my car and driving to my place, education be damned. I looked down, embarrassed, waiting for the cheeky comment. When none came, I looked up at him through my lashes. I kind of miss the stupid innuendos. He was smiling wide and though he wasn’t looking directly at me, but you wouldn’t be able to tell unless you were as close to him as I was. I heard her laugh before I saw her. Jessica was walking towards us, laughing at a joke or something Alex had said. Montgomery’s words played in my head again you realize that Justin is just using you to fill the time until Jessica gets bored of Alex again, causing me to shake my head slightly to clear it. Get out of my head. You’re just jumping to conclusions (Y/N). Nothing is going on with them. Ignoring the possibilities in my head, I let Justin walk me to class. By the end of the day, any thoughts of Justin and Jessica were out of my head.  

**

Justin and I had grown closer over the past couple of months than I thought I would ever get to another person ever again. We talked about everything. Our hopes and dreams. We shared our biggest fears and most pointless phobias. He told me about what it was like when he left and how Clay had saved him. I knew he was leaving some stuff out, but I was too. Neither of us were going to pry. I told him about the time I had gotten curious and looked into finding my dad. I explained how any lead I could come up with came up dry and whenever I felt like I was getting close, something would happen to make it slip through my fingers. We talked about our favourite things and the things we couldn’t stand. It was everything a relationship should be. Then why do I feel like there is something missing? I continued to avoid Montgomery as much as I could, lest he try and give me more crap about my relationship.

On one of the rare nights it rained in our area of California, Justin opened up to me about his addiction. We were in my room and I was working on another portrait of him. He explained to me how he had started it as a way to escape the reality that he had left everything he had ever known and how it had quickly snowballed from there. He told me about detoxing at Clay’s and how the Jensen’s went out of their way to make him feel welcome in their home. He told me about relapsing and how even though they weren’t as close as they had once been, Bryce Walker had been the one to help when he got into a bind with Seth. I asked him about what happened, but he wouldn’t elaborate. He continued on and said that Bryce tried to help by giving him his old pills instead of the H he was using. I asked him about rehab and was not surprised when he said it was one of the hardest things he had ever done. “It’s still a struggle, but I have people around me who I know I can lean on and go to. So that helps on the bad days.” I nodded at him, as I finished the drawing and turned it to show him. “Woah. That’s amazing. Probably the best one yet.” I smiled at him and carefully removed it from the book, giving it to him.

“Keep it.”

A week or so later, everything changed. I walked to class the long way since the rain the past few days had stopped this morning during class. As I walked past the locker room, I heard voices that sounded suspiciously like Justin and Jessica. They seemed to be getting closer to the door and I quickly hid in an alcove. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this to Alex, Justin.” Jess said, as he opened the door for her.

“I know. (Y/N) is a really sweet girl. I just can’t get you out of my head.”

“She really is. I’ll see you after your shift tonight?”

“Yeah, Clay is going out with the new girl.”

“Great. I can’t wait.” Justin looked around to make sure no one was watching, no one he could see anyway, before he grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. I gasped quietly and quickly covered my mouth. They didn’t seem to notice. As they walked away, I noticed how disheveled his shirt looked. That jerk. Oh… Monty was right. I’m such an idiot. When I was sure they were gone, I snuck out of my hiding spot and ran to class. I’ll deal with this at lunch.

Lunch came sooner than I wanted, since I had again, gotten distracted in biology. Justin was waiting for me at the entrance to the cafeteria. I ignored him as I walked up to Monty and his friends. He was mid-bite into a sandwich. “Incoming Monty.” Bryce warned. He ignored him. I tapped him on the shoulder lightly, and he finished his bite before turning to me.

“Hey, (Y/N).” he greeted, slightly confused as we hadn’t spoken since he had dragged me into a classroom a couple of months ago.

“You were right.” I spoke quietly, so only he could hear me. His brow furrowed until he looked up and saw Justin walking towards me. His face went from confused to understanding.

“(Y/N)? What’s going on?” Justin asked, behind me.

“I don’t know Justin, why don’t you ask Jessica?” I asked, turning to him.

“Shit. She’s mad.” Scott said. I hummed in response. Justin looked like a deer in the headlights. Before anyone could stop me, I slapped Justin across the face, drawing ‘oooo’s and ‘ahhh’s from the surrounding tables. Calmly, I picked up my bag and walked away. I didn’t walk to a table where my friends sat. I didn’t share a look with Jess or Alex. Alex is smart. He will figure it out. Instead, I walked straight out to my car and drove home.

I spent the afternoon and evening in my room, alternating between crying and trying in vain to get the image of Justin kissing Jessica out of my head. My mom was working a forty-eight-hour shift at the hospital, so I had the house to myself. I had finally started to fall asleep when I heard a familiar sound. It sounded like pebbles hitting my window. Monty. I got up and opened the window.

“Monty? It’s like… one in the morning. What are you doing here?” I whisper called down to him.

“I thought you could use some company. I brought your favourite ice cream. You get any better at catching things in the last four months?”

“I was never that bad.” I called down to him as he threw the container up to me.

“Okay sweetheart. We will go with that.” He joked as he climbed up the lattice work along the side of my house. After he was up and, in my bedroom, I decided to let him know I was home alone.

“You could have used the front door. My mom is at work.”

“Now you tell me.” he rolled his eyes playfully as he stood up and enveloped me in a hug. This feels nice. I directed him to sit in my bed as I ran to get a couple of spoons from the kitchen. We had shared enough ice cream and… other kinds of DNA to not need to worry about bowls anymore. By the time I got back, he had made himself comfortable on his side of the bed, leaving my spot open for me. We ate in silence for a while before he spoke again. “I’m sorry I was right.”

“I guess I owe you an apology.”

“No, you don’t. At the time I was just saying it to be an ass. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I do. You were right. He is reckless and it wasn’t fair to break up with you because of your recklessness, and then start dating him. I hurt you and I’m sorry Monty.”

“It’s okay, (Y/N). But there is one thing you can do if you want to make it up to me.”

“What?”

“Switch pillows with me. This one is all lumpy.”

I laughed at him as I switched pillows before cuddling up close to him. “Hey Montgomery?”

“Yes (Y/N)?”

“How would you feel about breakfast in the morning. Like out somewhere.”

“You mean like a date?”

“Exactly like a date.”

“I think that would be some of the best breakfast I’d have in a long time.” We were quiet for a while before he spoke again, “(Y/N/N)?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you want me to talk to Justin?”

“Do you mean talk to him or talk to him?”

“Just talk.”

“No, you don’t have to. I think he got the picture this afternoon. Thank you though.”

Monty and I spent the rest of the night talking and had a delicious breakfast at Rosie’s. He drove me home and came in to say hello to my mom. It wasn’t the perfect morning or the perfect new beginning, but nothing about our relationship ever was.

#13 reasons why #monty x oc #clay jensen #justin foley #13rw #creative writing #monty de la cruz #montgomery de la cruz #monty x reader #monty de la cruz fanfic #justin foley x reader #breakup #angst #fluff #montgomery de la cruz x reader #monty imagine #montgomery de la cruz imagine

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

----------

Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

#survey #surveys #random questions

[calypsoff]

Six. Part 2

It’s nice that Rakim came but I was not ready for him to be here at this moment, not when I am ready to split with him. My family are making him feel most welcome, pulled him up a seat right next to me at the table and now I am just like what the fuck, is this the surprise he was saying. He bought my mother a bag, like this is so sweet of him to do that but now I feel bad, now I am feeling I have to hold back on getting rid of him but I need to do it “I will be back” I said to Rakim, pushing my chair out as I got up from the table. Walking around the table and crouched down to Mel “your man bought me a bag, girl. I like him” mean mugging her “be quiet. I feel bad now. What do I do?” I need her advice “I would keep him, I’m joking. You’re unhappy then admit to it, this is not your fault. You didn’t ask him to do this” she has a point “that dickhead text me, he had the nerve to say he misses my body and can we talk. I said no, who he is to even ask that when he’s with that bitch, he didn’t ask if I got back or anything, you know? A bit shit, not going to front on that, but I am” Mel poked her bottom lip out, she knows me “don’t fret over that” she pointed at me as I got up from my position “what are you girls gossiping about?” My mom asked “you, we dislike your top” I lied, she looks so offended for no reason at all “you bought it me?” Walking back to my seat laughing “I am joking mommy, stop looking so offended” sitting back down, shuffling my chair in “I missed you though, it was funny because homies were clowning when they saw you with that dude but you looked annoyed” I breathed out laughing “we just met up for a meal, you know how I am when I’m grumpy” I’ve forgotten the argument we were on at that moment, my phone pinged. Actually my phone has been pinging for a while, last time I checked Jay Brown has been messaging me, looking down at my phone. My bitch Katy texting me too, just under that Twin has text me three times now. Unlocking my phone.

Twin:

I’m literally at work and on my break btw....?

I was joking about that

Coconut head?

Exiting out of his messages and locking my phone “shall we say Grace?” My mom said, I thought she was going to say Grace. Placing my phone down and reaching over and holding Rakim and Noella’ hand, just as my mom was going to start to say grace my phone started to ring, seeing Twin calling “I will be back, say grace without me” getting up from the chair and grabbing my phone from the table, answering the call as I walked off “hi” I answered “knew you would answer, how easy of you” he’s actually being an ass “I am joking with you please break a smile” sliding the door open “I am smiling” walking outside “sure you are, I am at work you know. Like I was joking about all that thing” sitting down on the lounger “right, working on Christmas eve?” resting my head on my hand “that is what normal people do yeah” I sniggered “right, you called me for what? Not like you cared if I arrived?” biting on my nail, I just don’t get why call “I miss you, we still friends” taking in a deep breath “yeah, well I am going to go back in and have fun with my family” I want to say something but I won’t, this is up to him “that is cool” he said, a long silence on the line, there is many words between us but I won’t say anything and neither will he “bye” disconnecting the call, I hate to be cold with him but it is what it is.

My family really get along with Rakim, it’s cute to see and I want to feel bad, but I need to do it for me “hey” touching his shoulder “can we speak?” He looked up at me smiling “for sure” my brothers looked unimpressed, they are in a middle of a game but they can wait, this needs to happen now or I will end up backing out thinking of the consequences which I don’t need to do, I want to be happier and be free, I need that. Walking back into the home “I will be back down mom, just need to speak to Rakim” my mom smiled “I was just bringing some leftovers out, I know the boys get hungry” my mom is sweet “he will be back down” I think he will be, I was going to go upstairs but everyone is pretty much outside so I can just go in the spare room, I hope there is no raised voices well if that is if he is rude with it all, we shall see. Turning around to Rakim, he closed the door behind him. Something different about him, I can’t put my finger on it but he is giving me a different vibe, I am sure I will work it out soon, there is a 100% something different though “you good?” Rakim asked me, staring at him not knowing how to start it off, do I just say it’s over or explain myself “uhm” looking down at myself “there is like no real way of speaking on this, there is actually a reason behind why. I don’t feel happy” Rakim smirked “I also want to speak on it, I think we were better off as friends” I breathed out “oh my god!” I spat, that is the biggest weight lifted “flight here, I was thinking on how to approach the situation and I was thinking how much we had fun, we were happy. We aren’t good as being boyfriend and girlfriend. As friends we get on so well, and I didn’t want to upset you so I was going to wait it out because every day we kept up with this persona it was straining the friendship we could salvage, but we are better as friends” I am so happy “we really” I added “I came here with gifts because your family is mine and my family is yours, I want us to remain as friends, we are better that way” nodding my head smiling “you don’t know how much this means to me, I was so scared on how to bring it up” walking towards Rakim, we hugged each other close, I am glad he felt it.

Rakim held the door open for me “so petty things started to occur, I was being petty about small things that didn’t need to happen. I just felt like I need to be the bigger man in this, I don’t want us to fall out and we can’t be friends, I think what did it was the bed situation. But least we can enter the new year just being happy, if you happy. I am happy, we happy yeah?” nodding my head, this has to be the best situation “I think it hit me in a way, you started to slowly be mean to me and it hurt me because I did nothing wrong at times so yeah, least we can be adults about this. And friends it is, I feel like a big weight has been lifted Rakim, I have been worried and today I just thought fuck it let’s just get on with it. Maybe it’s me, maybe I am not ready for a relationship. I think that sometimes, I am very much in deep with my career, you know?” Rakim smiled agreeing with me “you’re in your peak Rih, but I think relationships will always be there. You got time, we still will go out to smoke though” he got his fist out to me “for sure” fist bumping him, my eyes searched for Mel and I found her just waiting for me “I am going though, like after this. I didn’t expect this to be done so quick, which happened” he was waiting just like I was “tell me before you go” walking off to Mel, I need to tell her the details now.

Looking over at Rakim with my brother “so! Spill the details” Mel hit my shoulder lightly “uhm, it went really well. It was weird, so I said I need to speak to you, and he was fine with it. I just said I am unhappy, and the flood gates opened, he admitted to the fact that we are better as friends. He seen us slipping slowly into something we both dislikes, the bed situation, he felt that he needed to stop this before it turned into something worse that we can’t come back from, he wants to keep the friendship because we are good as friends, and I am so happy. He said I want to be a man about things, and we are better off as that” Mel is shook “no way? That is amazing, he is really being a man about things then, chile. Here is me thinking he would be protesting about the shit, but he really doesn’t want to lose that friendship and I don’t blame him, you are a good friend. Well how does it feel baby? You got freedom, you’re a single woman” I shrugged “I mean it doesn’t feel any different, I don’t feel anything different because I didn’t feel anything for him, I am glad he was a man about it because this could have been way messier then it could have been” I have to count my blessings, this could have turned into something malicious.

Rakim is sweet, he bought me a chain “you didn’t have too, I mean I am saying this, but I also got you a chain. Not as good as yours but open it when you get home” holding the box out “I was thinking, shall we just break the news ourselves? I mean are you ok with me posting about it?” I asked, I don’t want to do it behind his back “sure, you better see me when you come to New York” he opened his arms to me, hugging him “I will, I feel so much better. I feel a better connection to you now” I admitted “same, we just two fools. And also Roc Nation mentioned it, we tried I guess” moving back from the hug “have a safe flight, text me to let me know” I pointed, he winked at me as he walked off. He is a good friend, and I do prefer that. Turning around to go back into the home “you ruin everything” Rajad spat, he is so stupid “be quiet, then why don’t you date him” closing the door behind me “we are still friends, he is like family so be quiet. Getting all worked up over an ex now” brothers are annoying.

I am going through deleting picture of us, I want it done and gone already, I also need to find a cute picture to post of us and I got it, I found one. This is when we were in Greece, I was ok there but not the best, I wasn’t the happiest but content, but we look cute. That is because I took the selfie, let me post this. Tapping on Instagram and then the plus sign, scrolling to find the picture which I did straight and tapping on that picture. Adding a caption to the post ‘Sometimes people are better off as friends and in this case, that is us. Greece is where it started, Barbados is where it ended but it ended with love’ pressing send on the post, I rather it came from me because speculation is a bitch, I don’t want people assuming I am doing this and I am cheating so it is better off I just announce it, and there we have, I am single and I do not feel bad about having sex with another man now, I am free to do what I please now. Drop down appeared, Twin has text me that quick, does he have my notifications on.

Twin:

You don’t play ! 😳😳😳

Robyn:

Something that needed to be done, it’s done now 🤷🏾‍♀️

Twin:

Single so you don’t need to be shy with the nudes?

Robyn:

Goodnight ….. FRIEND!

#Chrianna FF #Chrianna #Chrianna Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction

[i-want-anne-hathaway]

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice

Yup, we’re back at it again. It is 11:43, and I am tired as fuck.

Why the fuck did I decide to do this at basically midnight in a pitch black room? Seems like a poor choice to me.

Sometimes I sing The Whole Being Dead Thing during the worst possible moments as a coping mechanism, and my mother doesn’t appreciate it.

Ready Set, Not Yet is so good, and I don’t appreciate it. Like, it sounds so odd, but I love it. I spent an entire morning trying to get the “folks say, ‘Adam’” part right, and it’s been so long that I can’t do it anymore.

I’ve still never... watched Beetlejuice. Like, I know everything that happens, and I have a boot, I’ve just never sat down to watch it.

Okay, my sister has this friend who really likes Beetlejuice and Dear Evan Hansen, and he has this long black hair and wears a lot of black. And his name is Connor. That boy is literally Connor Murphy, I don’t care if people tell me he’s nothing like him.

I remember when my friend tried to get me to listen to Dead Mom, she went “you should listen to this really good song called- wait, your mom’s not dead right-” “no” “-okay, good, this really good song called dead mom.”

All soliloquies are the part in Fright of Their Lives. All of them. Including the one in & Juliet. They’re all from Beetlejuice.

Also...

THE THREE GENDERS: AARON TVEIT, KATIE LADNER, AND KERRY BUTLER

No Reason is a bop. And Lydia’s little “okay” and “is this still about me” are literally the best.

Can we just... I love Alex Brightman. He is literally so precious. He is The Best

The beginning of Say My Name is just Not It anymore. I’ve heard it so many times, I’m tired of it.

“Yes... yes... arGH” best part of the whole song honest to god. He nailed this role.

Sophia Anne Caruso’s voice owns my heart. Just like- yes. Yes. Just overall Yes.

Can you imagine how weird it would be if Day-O actually happened? Like, can you imagine just seeing some lady start singing a Jamaican folk song? That would be terrifying.

“Woah” woah, indeed, Lydia, woah, indeed.

The Girl Scout is fucking iconic. I’m 74.52% sure that her name is Skye. And I was this close to saying “I don’t like that name” before remembering that is literally my nieces name, which makes me like the worst aunt ever. I don’t even dislike the name Skye, I’m just tired and when I’m tired I’m judgy.

OKAY, I’M GONNA SAY IT! HOW THE FUCK DID SKYE NOT FUCKING DIE?! THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF GIRL SCOUT! AND THEN SHE DIDN’T EVEN DIE AT THE END! WHAT A LET DOWN! (/j)

Sometimes you just gotta sing That Beautiful Sound to freak people out. It works 7.0844/10 times, and their faces are priceless.

“I brought you a pie... it’s from the store :)” has to be the best line ever. She says it so happily.

Barbara 2.0, in which a dead couple aggressively looks back at their pointless hobbies.

If you’re not doing all the different voices when you listen to What I Now Know, you’re not listening to What I Know Now.

Okay, but the fact that my dumbass didn’t realize that Leslie just changed into a green suit and didn’t actually completely cover herself in paint until I saw a backstage video of the change is fucking sad.

Home makes me really sad for no reason. I don’t relate to it, it doesn’t hold much emotional value to me, but it makes me really, really sad.

Creepy Old Guy is too funny, but also way too real. But like... the whole point is that it’s disgusting, so it’s got that going for it.

Despite not having actually watched a boot yet, I’ve watched a lot of videos with clips from the show and I just- “IT’S LIKE A GREEN CARD THING”

“I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by” is literally a goddamn mood. I’m that fucking petty.

WHY THE FUCK DID I GET CHILLS WHEN HE SAID “I HAVE CHILLS?!” UMMMM, CALL AN EXORCIST, I DON’T FUCKING LIKE THIS

Me when hearing Jump In The Line: IT’S ABOUT THE FOUND FAMILY, OKAY?!

It is currently 12:41am, and that did not feel like an hour. And if I was on the verge of passing out from exhaustion, I would totally listen to the next musical.

Which is

Mean Girls!

And there will be a Discord reading of Mean Girls, and I will be Regina.

Final Judgement of Beetlejuice: It’s really fun, and it can appeal to a lot of people with the type of music it has, and it has a nice message about family and love.

Also, my dog has started making demon noises, and if I believed in exorcists, I would totally get one.

#long post #brees favorite games #tw cursing #tw capslock #tw death mention #if i missed any triggers let me know #i will be playing regina in a mean girls read through #just you fucking wait #and i *will* forget when i have lines #thats my queue

[gogetawaydreamer2]

It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve been able to sit upright and actually type out a post. After the Food Poisoning from Hell experience I’ve learned a few things. 

1. When you’re sick ( no matter how sick ) you still just want your Mom / Mother Figure. I grinned ( actually more like grimaced through it ) and bore it the best that I could. Came out the other side with a healthy dislike for certain foods. Shellfish being one of them. 

2. Life, can be scary. My Dad’s back from his respite stay and his breathing’s a little funny. I’ve been timing him every hour on the hour ( seriously at this point I think if I don’t do it I’ll fall apart. ) and he’s clocking in at 28 breaths when he’s normally 24. 

3. I fucking miss my mother. Even after I found some very unsavory things that brought back more than a few memories of how she was / how she treated me at times when I was growing up about her. She was still my mother and I loved her warts and all. Maybe it’s fucked up but it’s who I am. I always always tried very very hard to give both of my parents the love they lacked when they were growing up. Maybe on some instinctual level I knew? I don’t know. Either way, I love them regardless and I can forgive. 

4. My ass needs to get in gear and figure just the what hell she is going to do when things do start to Happen. ( Can’t even say the stupid word.) but I’ve been doing some soul searching and here’s what I’ve come up with. 

- I could fix the family home I grew up in and A.) Stay there until I find something better. B. Fix it up and hope to God someone wants to buy it. C.) Sell it as is after I’ve moved my stuff out and cut the loss. ( that one may soon be off the table because it would honestly hurt too much. )

- I could give myself a year to save up as much money as I can by living with my cousin and then hightailing it the hell out of here. California? Oregon? Boston? New Orleans?

- I’ve got to find a job that doesn’t requite me to drive. I’m a nightmare behind the wheel and unsafe towards others. My confidence is absolutely shot behind the wheel and I just do not want to be That Person that ends up hurting another being. 

- It does not matter how much stuff you have. Really. In the end you cannot take it with you when you go. Cherish the memories and the people, not the stuff. 

5. I’ve begun the decluttering/ de junking of my childhood home and holy shit, almost thirty years of stuff was stored. I can’t go full on Beast Mode because I’m currently going between two houses and my Dad is staying with my cousin but damn if I could I’d leave nothing to chance. It’s therapeutic to go up there and take a few hours to myself and sort things room by room. Most of the stuff will be donated, some sold and other small things kept. I don’t want to hang onto every little thing because that won’t bring loved ones back. I can hold them in my heart forever. Family photos are a given to keep honestly and some other little mementoes but a quilt that was gifted by our neighbor’s great aunt’s best friend’s pastor’s wife? It will be donated. 

6. I still have no damn clue what I am doing with my life. At all. I’ll be fucking 30 years old in September and the prospect of me not knowing what I’m doing is pretty damn scary. I’ve spent so much of my life, so much of my time, taking care of others ( and honestly I’d do it all over again for those that I love ) that I have no idea what true freedom of choice is. No one’s ever really asked me “Well, what do you want to do with your life?” For starters I’d love to change my name but that ain’t gonna happen any time soon. That shit costs money, dudes. Now, don’t get me wrong, there were times when I thought to myself “screw this. They wouldn’t even notice I was gone until they needed something.” or “I wonder what it’s like to be able to have a say in *fill in the blank mundane part of life.” I was so busy and caught up in doing the mundane and tedious bits for those that I loved and cared for that I put myself in a self imposed holding pattern. 

7. Just have faith. In whatever you believe in let it guide you and get you through. I am truly blessed to have an amazing support system of chosen family  and I would truly be lost without them. Lisa-Marie, Randi, Kristi, Katie, Mel  and Jelly Bean ( I never caught your given names so I apologize profusely. ) thank you. Thank you all so so much for being there on this wild and crazy trip.

[thesinglesjukebox]

TAYLOR SWIFT FT. BRENDON URIE - ME!

[3.53]

Things have changed for "ME!"...

Alex Clifton: A lead single should not make me think, "Oh, is this the Kidz Bop version?" [3]

Abdullah Siddiqui: This isn't the Old Taylor or the New Taylor. It's some entity so devoid of anything remotely substantive it doesn't warrant a human name. And I'm not very familiar with this Brendon Urie, but his delivery of the line "and you can't spell awesome without 'me'" sounds like the sonic embodiment of a Disney XD mid-season replacement choking on its own blue-cotton-candy puerilism. And I know that makes literally no sense but it's honestly the best way I know how to describe it. [2]

Taylor Alatorre: On the one hand, this was designed to subvert as few expectations and step on as few toes as a late 2010s Taylor Swift lead single can. On the other hand, it commits so hard to the bit that it ends up becoming a Lonely Island parody of the kind of post-Glee positivity pop that fueled the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign. Our culture may be more jaundiced since then, but the market for that stuff hasn't gone away, and Swift and Urie deliver the message in a way that feels more true to how people actually consume those songs. Rather than offering the prize of social recognition as a package deal with some nebulous invocation of societal change, they make a beeline for the inner voice of narcissism that resides within the overworked neoliberal subject. They listen to that voice, they give it what it wants, and the result is a communal celebration of self-regard that, in all its candidness and mutual puffery, makes you feel connected to something larger than just another grueling megastar album cycle. Unfortunately, that "something larger" happens to be the same collective unconscious that apparently just wants Panic to be the "High Hopes" band now. [7]

Jessica Doyle: It's catchy, granted, but so insistently, aggressively vapid that I am resisting the obvious conclusion that Taylor Swift actually thinks that this is work to be proud of. It makes more sense as a reconciliation of three opposing forces: she wants to make music; she feels responsible for the multi-hundred-dollar machine she's spent half her life putting in motion; and she dislikes and resents the performer (maybe also the person) she's become. That would explain pairing a catchy song with lyrics such as "can't spell awesome without ME!" and a video whose final shots suggest she is actually made of toxic rainbow sludge. [3]

Katherine St Asaph: A garish mess in exactly the same way "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" was. Yelpy vocals, forced whimsy, obnoxious spoken word, slapdash everything -- well, almost everything. The chorus is the second song in a year to rip off Emeli Sandé's "Next to Me," which really wasn't in need of two ripoffs. The old Taylor can't come to the phone right now, because she's been replaced with the New Boring. Brendon Urie is the best thing about this, though I'd rather listen to three minutes of him singing Vines. [3]

Tobi Tella: Can something be inoffensive enough that it becomes offensive? It's hard to imagine a song this generically pleasant and basic angering people off the heels of some of the Reputation singles, but here we are. It's disappointing to see Taylor put out yet another vapid lead single devoid of any deep themes, but goddamn if this didn't grow on me almost immediately. It's just so much dumb fun, and even though these two people are capable of much more and I'll probably forget about it in a few months I will definitely scream it every time it comes on the radio for now. [6]

Will Adams: The singular badness of Taylor's past three lead singles can all be boiled down to their overblown-ness, whether in song, in video, or in their inevitable absorption into The Discourse. But "ME!" is a special kind of bad, one whose wrongness comes from all directions to create something truly confusing. There's the sonic rehashing of a single from two albums back (also those terrible horns), inert lyrics that offer nothing recognizably Swift, the aesthetic 180 that makes Reputation feel even more pointless and, worst of all, the patronizing kids show affect. It's really hard to figure out what she was trying to do here. Without Max Martin's catchphrases, Shellback's sheen, or even Jack Antonoff's weirdness, we're left with an overblown Train song. Here's hoping, come the album, she keeps her promise that we'll never find another like "ME!". [1]

Jibril Yassin: Taylor Swift loves dispatching red herrings for her forthcoming albums in the form of lead singles. While she couldn't fully commit to the heel turn, Reputation went out of its way to show her songwriting capacities hadn't diminished, but it says a lot that I already want the Right Said Fred-aided Taylor back. "ME!" flows and surges with the pop efficiency she's mastered, but the lyricism resembles a once-sharp camera lens out of focus. Draping herself in the sounds she last used on Reputation, now drenched in major-key sunshine, also feels like a serious misstep when a theatre-kid diva like Brendon Urie decides to show up and completely steal the show. A song like "ME!" calls for high theatrics and powerful vocals and here, Taylor doesn't play to her strengths. [3]

Katie Gill: Taylor Swift was one of the first people to sign on for the movie-musical Cats. I'm not saying this just because that fact brings me joy and happiness every time I remember it, but because you don't agree to be in a show that features tap-dancing beetles, a magic show, and a character called Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat unless you have a healthy appreciation for cheesiness. And this song further proves that Taylor Swift is fully embracing the concept of cheese. Why else would she include lyrics like "hey kids! Spelling is fun!". But three things prevent this song from reaching its full, beautiful, glorious Gouda potential. One: the fact that the chorus seems designed from the ground up to play in a Target commercial. Two: the fact that the lyrics never get past the braggadocio, "I'm so awesome" hubris that tainted a lot of her Reputation-era work. Three: Brendon Urie's existence on the track. [6]

Ryo Miyauchi: Taylor's past fuck-yous to her former guys worked because she didn't leave room for them to speak in the song's narrative or actually in the music itself. Brendon Urie in "ME!" functions as wish fulfillment on top of wish fulfillment, singing the ideal response from the man to go with Taylor's perfect last words. His presence is extra fluff that the track can do without, but he's just one of many campy toppings that sugarcoats the stinging bitterness at the song's core to the point they wash away any taste when consumed. The cliche series of contrasts in the pre-chorus, the Sesame Street bridge, filler rhymes just to get to the next lyric -- all of this lyrical blandness doesn't help prop Taylor up as the underdog to cheer for in this breakup. [4]

Joshua Copperman: Every part of this song sounds like other songs that were successfully upbeat without being too cutesy. "ME!" isn't one of those. Like former contemporary Katy Perry with her "Swish Swish" video, Swift actively tries to be cringey but the attempts at cringe make her cringey. It's like Patrice Wilson's self-conscious follow-ups after "Friday" if he was given a Dave Meyers video budget. Taylor's own friend-by-her-right-ay Brendon Urie helps a little bit, because he's good at hamming it up, but while Taylor has pulled off hamminess in the past ("Blank Space" is one of her most-loved songs for a reason), this doesn't suit her. Even the lines about fighting in the rain feel like perfunctory good lyrics. The rest of the album will probably be fine, as even 1989 led with "Shake It Off." But even that song's bridge didn't have "spelling is fun." [3]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: For a second, right around "spelling is fun," I thought this would ascend, phoenix-like, into glorious schlock. But before and after that incredible interlude, "ME!" is not even the exciting kind of trash. It's content to just be mediocre, occasionally winking at the camera in ways that its authors clearly think is endearing but mostly come off as desperate. It's an emphatic shrug of a song, at once saying nothing and doing so loudly. [1]

Scott Mildenhall: Tonally aimless, it's very hard to deduce the spirit in which this is meant. In its most desperate moment -- yes, "spelling is fun!" -- it doesn't so much tip its hat to the audience as frisbee it into their face, but at the same time it's not so ironic as to be mean-spirited. As a whole, it's like a Wiggles mash-up of "Blank Space" and "We Go Together", and it's hard to know how anyone, whether their intentions were wholesome or cynical, would ever reach that by design. Perhaps this is simply just a spectacular misfire. The thematic mismatches, zero-dexterity crowbarring of aphorisms, desultory brass parps and gossamer-thin hook suggest seriously misplaced ambition. The one time "ME!" seems to be heading in its intended direction is its conclusion, at which it becomes an ever-ascending celebration. By then, though, it's already dug itself a deep hole to fly out of. [5]

Alfred Soto: The first time she's sounded manic and desperate, like someone pleading for her life; she could've titled it "You Must Love Me." [3]

Stephen Eisermann: Remember when everyone said "Look What You Made Me Do" was Taylor's worst lead single and it could never be worse? I do. And guess what? This is worse. [1]

Jonathan Bradley: "ME!" takes as its starting point the belated success of "Delicate," the late-cycle Reputation single that helped remind more than a few listeners and critics that they'd radically misinterpreted that album on its release. It makes sense that Taylor Swift would return to the source of that renewed goodwill, and this new single does sound designed as a rebirth of sorts: it is sunny and outward-looking after an insular and intimate record. It's also unashamedly and jubilantly corny. That should not surprise; Swift has never only been a dextrous chronicler of emotional contours, and corn has been a part of her songwriting toolbox going back at least to the time she wrote a gushing romance starring Romeo and Juliet that ended with a marriage and hefty key change. "ME!" is unabashed in its goofiness, pairing that dorkiness with the frivolity of "Shake It Off," her biggest hit to date. Panic! At the Disco's Brendon Urie fits in well with this theatricality, and Swift helps temper his archness; he's had "High Hopes," but never this much fun. And it's this sense of fun that makes "ME!" so enjoyable. This is a song that sees the strangenesses and imperfections of ourselves and the people around us, and greets them with optimism and -- Reputation hasn't entirely left us -- a bit of wanton selfishness. I've been to plenty of Taylor Swift shows and, as with "Shake It Off" or "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" or "This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" -- I can already tell how much of a blast of a setlist-capper "ME!" will be. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: "Taylor finger, Taylor finger, where are you?" [1]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#Taylor Swift #Brendon Urie #pop #music #music review #writing

[onisionisacanceronthisearth]

Greg vs Alleged Classmate Part 6: Abuse

So this is the final part of the video starts with a secret child of Greg but mostly involved Greg talking about his relationship with Lainey. This was a tough one to get through and I’m sorry if it isn’t my most coherent one. I didn’t edit this one that much and Greg rambled a lot but I couldn’t go back and re-read most of my work. I’m sorry

It’s not creepy to mention kids Greg, holy shit

Ok, so this needs to be said. If I say my aunt has 5 kids, that isn’t talking about the kids, it’s talking about the aunt. If I say my aunt’s kids are all in school, that’s talking about the kids but it’s vague and just mildly descriptive. If I say “my aunt’s eldest female child whose name is Sansa Stark married Tyrion Lannister at age 14″, THAT is getting creepy in terms of how much I’m talking about the child who probably should remain more anonymous than that. We got that? Good, Greg still doesn’t so he wastes my time talking about how creepy it is to say he has a secret kid for the kid’s sake despite nothing actually being told about the kid and then skips the video. He misses a lot, and hilariously, it wasn’t even about the kid still

What Greg missed in the full minute he skips

It’s second-hand information again but M trusts the source

Lainey doesn’t know

He’s gone from small annoyances which have now blown up into very large, unmanaged problems since high school. These issues now define him as a person

“I don’t have any chemistry with Lainey???”

Nope, you didn’t then and you don’t now

Apparently, he defines chemistry with kissing on camera. His proof of chemistry is that with Skye they never kissed on camera but with Lainey he does. Also he again forgets this interview is old because he says how they both kiss in her videos. Also is claiming M said him and Skye were passionate which isn’t the case, just that Greg flip-flopped a lot and abused her then left her out to dry.

Yay, another gay joke. Even dressed as a boy, kissing Lainey, if anything, proves how little you love them because you show no passion in the kiss, push her away, belittle her in your videos, shit on her, scare her, etc. Your videos prove you don’t love her. It is heartbreaking even if you don’t like Lainey.

Also, years don’t count when it’s abusive, it just shows how long you’ve groomed and manipulated her Greg. Also, THIS INTERVIEW IS 3 YEARS OLD

And now I’d say Lainey does know you, she’s just so stuck on you. I don’t need to know the victim to hate the abuser, I don’t have to know the victim to feel sympathy for them. I don’t need to know Skye, I don’t need to know Shiloh, I don’t need to know Adrienne, I don’t need to know Billie, I don’t need to know Lainey, I don’t need to know Sarah, I don’t need to know Maya, I don’t need to know Madison. They’re all women you’ve used and abused. The last three you did so through Lainey

Billie blame

If we want to see Lainey be abused by someone we should watch “My Side of the Story” by Lainey. But the main shitty person there isn’t Greg apparently, it’s Billie for how she responded to what they did to her and putting all the blame on her when at most it was half. With Greg pulling all the strings

And Greg is claiming she basically told Lainey to kill herself using vague imagery using a hateful and direct way because he needs to make sure we can’t turn around and showcase the many times Greg has told someone to kill themselves.

So Billie is the horrible, violent, abusive person while Greg stood by his spouse, If by “stand by” he means standing in front of his pregnant spouse and signing his two kids to her because he’s leaving her for Billie then yes, he did “stand by” her. The only reason he’s “still here” is because Billie didn’t take him back

Holy manipulation of a situation Batman!

Also, this interview is pre-Billie so this argument makes even less sense

ALSO, he very specifically describes abuse as violent. I want him to try and refute his actual abuse which is much quieter than that. Especially abuse they’re talking about which is pre-Billie, but I’m glad to know anytime he thinks of a time he was shitty, he at least thinks of the time he cheated on Lainey and told her to deal with it then told her he was leaving and didn’t give to shits about her, their son, and their unborn child while also thinking he wasn’t that bad

I don’t want to listen to this: skips the good stuff and makes out like M is creepy for thinking of Greg’s child-filled audience

He skips:

M predicting what Greg was going to do if he ever responded (pretend it’s all a lie)

His millions of audience members will believe him. Thankfully, no. This video has 20k views and only 300 good comments (with some bad ones he hasn’t deleted yet). Likes/dislikes turned off

“You know this is just a grand version of what he would do back in high school. As opposed to saying “I have problems, I did some messed up things” ; he’ll say “I don't have problems, I don’t do messed up things. None of this is true“ --> sounds about right

“Watching him so easily be all right with making himself a role model to hundreds of thousands of children out there, teenagers are frankly still children“ ----> Greg skips here and hears “thousands of children” before going “yuck” and skipping, building a retoric that M is a creepy pedo as per usual

“Some of these kids, my son and my daughter, are going to be the same age as these kids that watch him right now one day.. and it breaks my heart that a lot of these kids are gonna sit there and think ‘that is how I should be in life. I should be someone that judges other people, whom I don’t know, for things that aren’t any of my business.’“ ---> I wish Greg had responded to this

“How could I have changed since high school?” also “Cycle of abuse? What’s that?”

Greg states he’s confused because in high school he had to rely on his mom and now he controls others

People change, though you still act as if the government is going to act like your mom and not ever punish you for doing things wrong

People who experience abuse tend to inflict it on other. You admit your mom was abusive Greg, these two stages in your life link together quite well

My spouse is a psych major, how can she be abused?

Simple:

“good thing Greg doesn’t hit me”

“Oh, it’s different when he does it”

“but he wouldn’t be nice if he hated me”

“we have kids”

“he kisses me on camera” (Like Jaclyn)

“he came back to me after he left”

Also, not all psych degrees cover abuse and Lainey only has her bachelor's degree. Or at least as in-depth as Greg seems to think. It’s possible to miss things in your own life. That’s why therapists have their own therapists, that’s why doctors can’t prescribe things for themselves or family. Not to mention you’d already sunk your claws into your obsessed fan before she ever read a psych book. When you’re gaslit and abused, something as simple as logic or googling “am I in an abusive relationship” does not register to you as a red flag. The latter happened to me, I googled it at least once every six months, ticked all the red flags, then said no, doesn’t apply here. But it did, and it does the moment you had to google that phrase. Lainey went through the motions in a video, she came up with the same bullshit I did and elected to ignore the questions even she couldn’t pretend didn’t apply as many do. People who are abused don’t tend to know they’re abused until it’s too late. If we knew we’d have left long before being raped or beaten by our “loving” partners. As I’ve said before, fuck you Greg

“I paid for their school”

Irrelevant, but glad to know you hold it over her head. Also glad you decided to put in how much money it was in your statement.

Also, her father was paying her tuition and board, as well as giving her an allowance. All while she was secretly married to you. You simply wasted your own and his money. Yeah, her father had every right to threaten to pull her college fund, she wasn’t owed it, and it was a desperate attempt to get his essentially kidnapped daughter to come home from the adult man who had preyed on her and took her away as his own.

His argument here is, “deflection to her dad without context”, “look, I saved her”, and finally “I gave her her college education of 50k, this isn’t abuse because I gave her this massive gift that saved her life”. Wow, if that isn’t a nice abuse tactic...

“You guys aren’t psych majors, she is”

See the point of her being a psych major above plus the fact that experience helps identify it, almost all your former partners calling you abusive (“we get it, Greg, you like hurting young girls”), you filling all the checkboxes for abuse, outsider perspective, former friends calling you abusive, Social Fucking Repose identifying your abuse (I’d say he’s an expert in that field), and anyone who is a decent person can identify shit when they smell it

Also Lainey doesn’t have more psychology experience than all of us combined, she got a bachelor’s in psych degree online many years ago, never worked in the field or as a co-op student as far as I’m aware, never got her master’s, and her intention was to be a children’s social worker. She’s as qualified to talk about abuse as Kati Fuckface Morton is to talk about diagnosing and treating personality disorders as a marriage counsellor. Lainey should work for BetterHelp, at least she does have one degree

Concluding statements on abuse by Greg

And so we end with Greg attempting to gaslight the audience by calling us the crazy ones who are actually abusing Lainey by invalidating her feelings and the misunderstanding the cycle of abuse. Things Greg is gaslighting us as doing:

We’re acting like Lainey is stupid

That Lainey can’t think for herself

We’re belittling Lainey

We’re acting superior to Lainey

We’re attacking her intelligence and calling her nothing like a blob of goo on the pavement, essentially a vegetable

(See Lainey’s “Hater Listens to 21 Pilots” and see if this checks any of Greg’s behaviours on screen)

Greg now describes the cycle of abuse as the victim replicating their abusive dynamic. Sometimes it results in people running from one abusive relationship to another, other times it results in the victim never wanting to be a victim again and wanting power so they then become the next abuser. Greg himself calls himself the dom of his relationship, the “father figure” or “guider”. Also notes he pays for the bills in most relationships which is a typical sign of a power imbalance. We see two iterations with this with Greg, Greg being abused by his mom. She tried kicking him out before becoming an adult, yelled at him when he cried, beat him with a fire extinguisher, etc. Now Greg is the abuser, laughing at Lainey when she cries, makes her cry, talks down to her, uses her mercilessly, etc. And now Lainey uses children like Sarah the same way Greg uses and hurts her. Lainey also defends herself with these girls as her shield against Greg.

You kept your finances separate because you didn’t want a Skye situation, Lainey has a degree she cannot use to get a job, Lainey’s youtube was dependent on you and still mostly is. Lainey requires you for all emotional issues she has but yet you will wake up a guest in your house so she can deal with it instead of you.

Food for thought Greg, your mom abused you all your life, yet you always returned to her and tried keeping her happy until now. It’s almost as if you let your abuser get away with things

The video ends before the end of the interview, Greg never addresses the alleged death of two of his dogs

#onision #anti onision #Onision vs alleged ex-classmate

[kathubs]

hey katie--could you do a ranking of all of the amber benson movies you've seen, from favorite to least favorite? :)

This is an EXCELLENT question, thank you, Clem! I took it a little too seriously maybe (and i’m a little drunk and long-winded), but you asked, so I’m giving a good answer ;) 

I pulled out my handy dandy masterlist of Amber’s work and started categorizing her movies! (fun pic to clarify that i am the world’s biggest nerd)

Also please note that these are just my opinions - I am by no means a film critic or an expert on anything, I’ve just seen a lot of Amber Benson movies! 

Never seen: (if anyone has links, send em over please)Hollywood, PennsylvaniaLong Island Confidential

Not yet released: The Griddle HouseSelling IsobelThe Nightmare GalleryGlossary of Broken Dreams

Here’s where it gets fun!

Terrible:Act Your Age - this movie is not very good, and she’s hardly in it, so it gets a “terrible” ranking, yikes!

Meh all around (worst to best):The Blue Tooth Virgin - she’s in literally two minutes. i couldn’t watch the restDon’s Plum - i’ve only seen her parts! and apart from her face, i found them pretty unlikeable. :/ SFW - she’s in like ten minutes at the end. looking very adorable with round cheeks and round glasses. the rest of the movie is just okJack Reed (all three) - TV movies. She was SO YOUNG but she’s only in a couple scenes each. From what I’ve seen, they’re fine, nothing groundbreakingSimple Things - this is just bad, and she’s not really in it that much, but it could be worse. somehow. don’t ask me howKiss the Bride - again, i’ve only seen her parts, and they’re underwhelmingThe Crooked Man - so she plays a nice mom, and then she has a shotgun, and then she wears scrubs and gets murdered. she’s so pretty and tragic. but the whole movie is just…. so shitty and she’s only in 10 minutes of it. so it’s meh

Okay for plot, not for Amber:The Prime Gig - this is actually a pretty good movie! i enjoyed it. she’s really not in it much at all - definitely a background character, and she only has a few lines. but i sat through the whole movie and she looks super badass in her few appearances.Imaginary Crimes - another background character, but with many more lines this time. she’s very young and very adorable. another movie where i watched the whole thing, because it was good all around, and not just for her face! 

Okay for Amber, not for plot: Taboo - oh my god, Taboo. I rewatch this all the time because she’s extra hot in it - she plays drunk the whole time, and at one point wears a nightie and a collar - but oh my god it’s so bad. the plot is weird, the dialog is stilted, the acting is so wooden. just a terrible movie, but with one hot amberIntermedio - see above! she had a broken foot when they filmed this, and is on crutches the whole time. her hair is super long and she wears a pretty short skirt. those are the biggest selling points…. oh and she gets chopped in halfTripping Forward - ugh, i kinda hate this movie, because the leading guy makes me feel uncomfortable. i just don’t like his face or voice or personality. but amber is beautiful and cool and has streaks of blue in her hair. honestly you should skip watching this movie and just look at the beautiful gifs maria made insteadHoliday Wishes - this is hard, because it’s pretty bad, but i want to like it! it’s a christmas movie, she’s in love with a ghost, there’s some body switching, ugh. the plot just really irritates me and i find different things to complain about every time. and whoever dressed her should be fired. but she’s pretty and she’s the lead actress, so that has to count for somethingOne-Eyed Monster - never tell amber this, but i don’t like this movie…. she really likes it so it makes me feel bad to dislike it :/ it’s about these people shooting a porno in the mountains. she’s the makeup artist. ron jeremy’s dick gets possessed by an alien, and it impregnates amber and kills everyone else. it’s so weird and so not my humor…. but amber loves is and amber looks great in it, so, watch it i guess? Attack of the Gryphon - this would be ranked better if the gryphon wasn’t so flipping bad! the cgi just ruins the whole thing. well that and the evil sorcerer’s weird slutty sidekicks. i dunno. amber plays a badass, sword-fighting princess, and at one point (where she’s kissing a mediocre guy) you can see her whole back, which is lovely. she does a cute accent too. this is ranked highest in this category because she worked so hard to do the accent, ride a horse, fight with the sword, etc, but she couldn’t save this movie. Pretty decent:Latter Days - a heartwarming film about gay love! amber isn’t a huge character but she’s good.Another Harvest Moon - another heartwarming one, this time about folks in a nursing home. amber has blue hair again (what’s with her and blue hair) and it’s very sweet! The Crush - just. iconic. watch it. she’s so little and it’s just a really really good filmDust Up - a slightly weird Western horror type movie. lots of gore and drugs. she is a total badass at the end. and holds a baby! mom!amber! Desire Will Set You Free - the biggest selling point is the lesbian sex scene. i don’t super love most of the movie, probably because i’m a boring old lady who’s not involved in the berlin gay party/drug scene. but her parts are excellent and she kisses a lady!!!! and protects a beautiful trans lady! she’s so good! King of the Hill - possibly her favorite film she’s ever worked on, and one of her first. it’s really good. young Jesse Bradford is the lead character. she’s got a small part as his neighbor. she got to dance with him and kiss him! and then have a seizure on the floor. she’s very good and the film as a whole is excellent. long and slightly depressing, or maybe just bittersweet, but definitely a good one. House of Demons - this is high on the list because i literally just watched it. she’s a hippie! who time travels! and she trips on acid! she’s very pretty and angelic, and the film has a really interesting premise. definitely will watch again. The Killing Jar - oh i unabashedly love this. she’s a small-town waitress who gets held hostage at her restaurant. no spoilers but she doesn’t die, woohoo, and is a lowkey badass. add her pretty face and southern accent and it’s just great.

Amazing:Can’t Hardly Wait - ok forget the fact that she’s in it for like two seconds, i fucking love this movie, it’s so goodBye Bye Love - tiny teenage amber and eliza! ahh i love this. another heartwarming one. she has a decently big role and she’s just so cuteChance - YES. love. so much respect for amber. she wrote and produced and directed and starred and edited. and kissed james marsters. and was amazing. go watch this! it’s on youtube! she’s incredible! Lovers, Liars, and Lunatics - all of the above (minus the kissing) but better. funnier and tighter. she’s an adorable clumsy burglar. it’s excellentStrictly Sexual - ohhhhh god oh god. she’s not the most likeable character but holy fuck is she sexy. there’s just…. a lot of sex and drinking and smoking, a lot of excellent outfits, a lot of cursing, a lot of amber being to-die-for sexy and gah. plus she’s in the whole thing! as ¼ of the main cast! lots of sexy amber! Race You To the Bottom - !!!! i love this movie!!! so much!!!! she is just incredible. and it’s a good movie too! i mean again she’s not the most likeable, and neither is her love interest, but it’s okay because she’s so hot! and she’s again in the whole thing, but this time as ½ of the main cast, and therefore she gets almost ½ of the screentime and it’s so so so good7 Things To Do Before I’m 30 - MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE AMBER MOVIE. oh my god it’s just the most amazing thing i’ve ever seen. she’s so adorable through the whole thing, and she’s IN the whole thing! as the star! the lead character! the one who all the plot revolves around! !!!!! do you know how groundbreaking that is for an amber movie!!!! not to mention she looks SMOKING the whole time. i mean how many times have i reblogged the bikini scene??? watch it for that alone. you’ll start it for the bikini and then continue for the adorable love story and her character arc. oh my god just go watch this movie now

to anyone who read this whole thing… bless your heart. thank you clem for letting me yell about amber so much. i think ive spent my whole tumblr career building toward this ask. thank you thank you and i love you clem and i love you all and i love amber benson the most!!!!

(see we’ve come full circle because clem made this for me and now i’m amber hugging clem) (does that make sense)

#amber benson #masterlist #a definitive ranking of every movie amber has been in #finally #asked and answered #faithlesbihane

[call-me-motte]

Rant

I need a place to vent.

I haven’t use this site in literal years, so I figured it might be a good place. This will be long and if you don’t give a shit about me or don’t want to read a novel just unfollow me or scroll past. I don’t really care.

Life fucking sucks.

The last few years have been an absolute roller coaster. With a lot of those just-a-little-too-steep declines that make you seriously too aware that you’re moving downhill. They’re the ones that are just ever so slightly too steep to where your stomach flips and you feel like you might die. You know the ones. The last month I’ve been stuck on such a slope. Hell, the last year.

Last November-ish (the dates are honestly all blurred at this point): I was lonely and sought companionship.

Found a girl through work at the time who was nice. We became a “thing” for a month. Very new, honeymoon-period relationship. We shared life, laughs, and our bodies. It was nice. It was fun. The sex was good.

I was distant. As I always find myself to be after a certain amount of time. The last straw was Thanksgiving. I disappeared all day for family and apparently she couldn’t take it. We broke up.

Fast forward a month. Christmas time. The happiest time of the year.

She’s pregnant.

Are you?

“I’m late. Test said yes.”

Can we go to a doctor?

“I’ll go by myself.”

Can you show me proof?

“I was so good for you, I can’t believe you left.”

“I am pregnant.”

I offered to work this out with her. I offered to put aside my entire life to make sure whatever happened, it would be taken care of. The entire time all I heard was how I was so stupid for ruining the relationship. No shred of concern from the woman about the fact that a CHILD might be inside her.

“The doctor said it’s too soon to tell.”

That’s great. We won’t have to give our lives away.

“I lied. I didn’t want you to worry. I really am pregnant.”

What the fuck?

“I’m not pregnant.”

I was destroyed. Absolute ruin.

Everything about my life had been torn apart. I had confided in my oldest brother about this. Asked him for advice. His thoughts, opinions. He was loving, kind, and caring. Gave me genuine advice; walked me through this situation. He had been there before.

It passes over. I move on. I return to my introverted self. I don’t talk to my brother much, similar to how the last 10 years of my life had been. I don’t talk to anyone. He excommunicates me, for “only coming to him when I have problems.” I lost my sanity. My peace of mind. My trust for others. My brother. All over some girl. My life was destroyed.

I will never trust anyone again. There’s no worth in trust anymore.

I spend the next couple of months shut in my room. Only leaving for work. My relationship with my parents degrades. They start to complain (with genuine concern) that I don’t see them much even when I live with them. I just shrug it off.

I dive headfirst into depression.

No amount of friends, games, alcohol, sex, drugs, anything. No amount of anything was able to fix this.

I turn to working out to try and vent frustrations and try and feel better about myself. I have two friends with me on the path to fitness. It helps, I start to feel better. Back to being myself.

2 AM. I’m at the gym. Phone rings. It’s her.

She’s drunk. I step outside of the gym, leaving my friends inside.

“I really need to talk to you. In person.”

I’ll give you 5 minutes. You come to me. FIVE minutes. That’s it. Then we are never speaking again.

She arrives.

We exchange American greetings. You know the ones. “How have you been?”, “What have you been up to?” That bullshit.

“I really was pregnant. I had an abortion.”

I don’t believe you.

“Why?”

You toyed with me.  Went back and forth. I heard 6 different answers.

“I was pregnant. I had an abortion. I didn’t tell you because I saw your Snapchat stories and thought you were happy.”

Are you fucking serious? This is something that’s OUR problem. Not yours. I made that clear.

“I was so good for you.”

At this point I lost it. I started hyperventilating. The hardest breaths I’ve ever taken in my 21 short years. I get the urge to hit something. Coming from a family of anger issues, it’s a bad habit. Thank whatever God may be out there my parents taught me how to not aim it at other people. I put a dent in the roof of my car. (Still there to this day, a cruel reminder.)

I tell her to leave.

Never contact me again.

At this point I don’t care what happens. I didn’t trust her. I didn’t believe her. If anything had happened I didn’t care. If I was hit with lawsuits or whatever. It didn’t fucking matter. I was going to end it all.

   I attempt suicide.

           It didn’t work.

Still not sure if that was a blessing or a curse. I’ll let you know if I ever actually find out the answer to that one.

My parents start to push me out.

I had just landed a better job with FedEx. One that paid enough for me to sustain my own life. They didn’t do it wrong. They made sure I was okay and “nudged” me out. To live in an apartment with my other brother, Evan.

Everything is okay. For a time. We get along decently well; he’s helping me adjust to apartment life. We split everything 50/50 and it’s decent for a while.

A month goes by. I get a Snapchat message from the girl’s little brother. We used to be pretty tight. We worked together as well. He was under 18 at the time and I used to hook him up with cigarettes. He asks me for my phone number. I don’t think about it at all. Dude might just need something or have a question about work. I give it to him.

She’s drunk. She calls.

It starts to escalate. My voice turns into that of a monster. Something I never knew I had inside me. I start to get angry. That voice warps into something hostile. Something pops into mind.

If I ever have a child, it will NOT be with somebody like you.

Not good words to ever say to anyone you’ve ever been with. I don’t care how much you dislike them. It’s not a humane thing to say.

I start crying. She’s crying. We’re having probably a Guinness-record-winning yelling match over the phone. My brother hears me, knows something is wrong, and comes out and forces the phone out of my hands.

I cared about her. So much. It wasn’t easy to deal with this. It didn’t feel good to act how I did.

I’m sitting in the fetal position outside on our patio. Digging my fingernails into my arm. So hard that I draw blood and leave scars. Trying to make the feelings stop. Trying to find a reason to be alive. I can’t escape.

Thank God for Evan. He tells them to never talk to me again. If they do, he’ll call the police. Tells me he’s never seen me this upset before and he was ready to go fight someone if he had to. What a guy.

He hangs up. Throws my phone somewhere I can’t find it for the night.

The next morning.

I wake up to death threats from her little brother. Saying he wants to fight me, and that if I don’t he’ll kill me.

I call my dad. My extremely religious, ex-pastor father. I tell him everything. Out of concern. They know where my parents live. He assures me he’s well armed and that it’s nothing to worry about.

A few months pass by, I land a new job at the same company Evan works for. It pays extraordinarily well for my qualifications. Only bad thing is that there’s an exam. Pass, you work. Fail, you don’t.

My life is comfortable. I can afford anything I want.

I’m still just as alone as ever. But as I was told multiple times: I have no right to be upset or sad about anything. I have money and comfort.

What could go wrong?

I get comfortable with the job. I study hard. Everything is looking good.

I fail the exam.

No amount of studying could have prepared me for that test. I could not pass it.

So I leave the exam center and head back to the office. Hopeful that with my high metrics scores and positive attitude that they’ll find a position for me somewhere in the company. Windows rolled down, smile on my face, music blasting. It will all be okay. It will be okay.

A mile from the building. My car starts to stutter.

Oh it’s probably nothing. Just a weird, one-off thing.

Nope. Radiator literally explodes. Smoke starts to emerge from under the hood. A lot of smoke. Like I threw five steaks onto a pan with the burner turned a bit too high. Enough to worry even a fire department. The car shuts off. I pull over. I start losing my mind.

I’m crying. On the side of the road next to my busted car. In freezing weather with no jacket. I call my dad.

Dad, what do I do?

Find out about the job. The car doesn’t matter.

I wish it was that simple.

I manage to get the car running well enough to pull it into the office lot. I park and walk inside. Security guy gives me the same friendly greeting as he has for the last two months. It really will be okay.

I take the elevator to the 6th floor. My supervisor sees me walking in. He smiles at me, and catches up with me as I walk towards his desk. I show him my score. His face goes blank. He walks me to the copying machine and makes a copy of the scoring paperwork.

“It’s been a pleasure working with you. I’ll walk you to the elevator.”

I step outside. Light up a cigarette. I’m still smiling.

I sit down on the pavement at the smoking area. I text all my close friends.

Hahaha, hey guys, I got fired.

Then I remember: I don’t have a car anymore.

I call a couple of people. Nobody answers. So next on my list is my friend Katie. We have kind of a weird past but she’s still one of the few people I have left that I can trust.

She answers, “Hello?”

I start to talk.

Hey Katie, can you give me a ri-

It all kind of dawned on me.

I’m alone. I have no job. No car. I won’t be able to afford rent next month. My life is over. I can’t go back to my parents. No, I won’t go back to my parents.

I break down. Tell her the story. She has to work in an hour but she can make time to take me to my apartment. Thank God.

That brings me to now. I went a little over a month without a job. I have rent covered to the end of this month, February. I accepted a job offer that doesn’t start until the 25th. My car is repaired, but I owe my dad over eight-hundred dollars. My credit card bills are due. My bank account is empty.

I’m just as alone as I’ve ever been.

I started hanging out with an old friend the last few weeks. We hit it off really well. But my stupid head decided to catch feelings. I told her. She politely declined and we agreed to keep our relationship as that of friends. It was fine.

Then I got drunk and sent a text that I regret ever conceiving. I haven’t heard from her since.

I lock myself in my room in this cramped apartment. I act like I’m happy and alive to the people I interact with. But I really just want to die. The hardest part of my life is just now starting. I have a feeling it’s going to be worse than anything else that I’ve ever dealt with. I still think of ending it all on a daily basis. I’ve compiled a list of different ways to do it. Ranked them by effectiveness and level of impact. I genuinely think it might be detailed enough for me to be locked up in some ward somewhere. But I know that I’m too much of a wimp to ever do anything. So whatever. If I disappear one day, don’t be surprised. That’s where I’ll leave this.

To any of you I know still follow me, if you use this site:

I hope you’re doing well!

This was all over the place and misses a lot of details that should probably be in there but it’s almost 6:30 in the morning. I can’t be arsed to go back through and add anymore. If you read this, thanks for your patience. I know it’s probably cringe-y and stupid to read. I just had to get it out somehow.

[mythological-survivor-no-mikoto]

Episode 1.1 - This Game is Rigged Against People Who Can’t Read - Vi

The two tribes, Awashima and Hiroku were pitted against each other in a game of Hostile Harai. After a relatively close battle, Hiroku pulled ahead and won a 10% challenge multiplier in the next immunity challenge.

At the immunity challenge, the tribes battle each other in a game of Semantris that led to victory for Hiroku, beating the other tribe even without the score multiplier needed.

At Hiroku, the winning tribe, they celebrated their win and continued to form relationships, though no alliances had yet formed. Emma ventured into the expeditions and found the Awashima hidden immunity idol and was given the option between leaving the idol in place or gifting it to a member of Awashima. Emma opted to gift the idol to Adam with the note: “Can’t wait for merge! (heart) PH.”

At Awashima, bonds began to form and take control of the vote. Katie, Rachael, Rodrigo and Josh in particular began to formulate a plan to vote out Lauren for being the most inactive member of the tribe. Lauren had other plans, wanting to target Adam for similar reasons. After some discussion of idols with Rodrigo, Katie and Rachael opted to vote for Adam as well. At tribal council, Lauren was voted out 7-3 against Adam, who kept his immunity idol in his pocket.

PART 1

“im either first boot or i win no in between”

“Omfg VI IS PLAYING I LOVE HER SO MUCH THE LOML. Also nikias has such a cool energy”

“All of my chats so far are with the men, I think I’m too intimidated by the pretty girls??”

“Fuuuuuck Katie is playing?!?!?! 😭😭😭😭 SHES TOO GOOD SHE GOTTA GO”

“Minding my own business and praying these people never witnessed Svalbard🙃”

“When you rejected Katie for prom and she comes for you in your DMs”

“Katie is gr8. Josh is gr8. Really just vibing tbh”

“I'm so glad that on my tribe I already have previous good relationships with Regan, Katie, and Vi. Marc is pretty great too. I feel good so far woooo. also prayer circle for Olivia I hope I get to see her in a tribe swap or something”

After receiving a bonus in the immunity challenge: “guys look at me win!”

“im going to see if i can trick jay into thinking i want to work with him till f2”

“whyyyy am I so awkward hahahahaha ha ah ha abaaghhhhhhhhh”

“this game is rigged against people who can’t read. Someone save me”

Olivia goes on an expedition to Mt. Ishizuchi, where she must climb 100 steps to reach the top. After 15 minutes she completes the task that reveals no reward with this to say:

“Are you fuckin kidding me 🤬 Wtf guys 😐😑”

“I legit message every single person on this tribe and i tried to communicate with them, however nobody messaged me first which makes me low key a little paranoid. Is it the fact that i am too excited to get to know every one? or could it be that some people feeling comfortable alliance? we shall see, at thee moment i don't really believe there is one or if it is there would be of players that have play together before, but i haven't notice any one who would know someone else in my tribe. At the moment, i have 0 game talks i am trying to talk to people but i don't wanna approach people and make them feel that i am playing too hard too fast so i just wanna get to the first steps of getting to know them and then build of an alliance. I feel like the people that i would like to bring in a potential alliance at the moment would be Olivia, Abby, Zach (so hot btw) and there are people that i wanna work with based on interviews ( Cori and Ally) but they haven't give me anything yet too to make them feel that i could work with them, idk i don't really enjoy being the only one who is asking questions and try to lead a convo and that's why at the moment i haven't be able to see if i could potential work with them. My biggest concern mark is Constance, i enjoy talking with him and he seems like a gamer and i would like to work with a gamer but there is something in me that feels that he could make a move later on very unexpectenly”

“Ok so I’m doing well with aly, nikias, em, and corinda. Abrielle too but I’m more wary of her bc of her Svalbard connections. Hopefully I can make a ladies alliance happen within the next couple of days naturally. Odd and Sam aren’t giving me anything and Constance is a wildcard bc I know his history”

“Also I forgot to say I also know jay from the other tribe I hosted an org that he won : o. Him and Vi were close so I imagine they’ll be paired up by now. So that either gives me an opportunity to join them as a third wheel or it could take away vi as my potential closest ally. Vi played my first ever org with me :’)”

Abrielle went to Mt. Tsurumi in Kyushu where she received the voting coin for boiling water 

Olivia goes on another expedition to the Kojima Shrine. She luckily went during low tide, and was able to claim the Protective Crystal which blocks the next vote cast against her. “Oh fuck yeah”

“forgot about the great soybean massacre of 1586″

“So far I feel as though I’ve made some decent connections on this tribe even if they are minimal. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know so many fresh faces but depending on how we do in this challenge, connections unfortunately can not overlook performance as a tribe unless you work it to a certain degree. I do hope that several of my tribe members can help us pull the win for this challenge because I am not doing so hot!”

“The only concerns I have on my tribe are Em and Olivia because they know me from Tumblr and didn’t really like me all that much but I won’t say anything and just let life work it’s course. If I don’t delve into the past and let it linger it’ll only fall into their blame if they use that as their leverage if they target me later down the line. My main goal is to ultimately create friendships in this game and even if they decide to speak with me (Em hasn’t) that’s all that truly matters to me. Because ultimately, I don’t dislike anyone regardless of what anyone says. 💘”

“Honestly having immunity is really important, we get a taste of the twist be with zero affection towards us and it could allow us to be more prepare in the a future tribal council. Also you need time in this game and especially at the beginning, i am hoping for the win at the moment.”

“Here u can start seeing Rodrigo in his natural habitat: Forming relationships, talking to people. This is what Rodrigos gameplay is about. He creates relationships strong enough quickly to be able to slip by. Now Rodrigo plans, this season, to take his game one step further and actually transition from a social game only to a strategic game too. Is it too early to rock the boat? We shall see next time in... MYTHOLOGICAL SURVIVOR NO MIKOTO!!! also I find it really funny that I already told like what 5 people I have their back: Josh, Rach, Vi, Katie, Marc. tobe honest this 5 are kind of an ideal 5 for me to align with but with Marc wanting to bring Jay and Reegan idk tbh but the way things are looking it may come down to Adam or Lauren but tribal is only on Monday so theres a lot to play out. Well something else I do feel kinda bad throwing Adam udner the bus to Katie and it really has nothing to do with our past history its just how the convo developed that led to me saying tha”

After being exiled Rodrigo sent this: 

“I don't like who i'm with. I want to be carried but with almost all new people to me, I gotta try”

Olivia goes on an expedition to the Sado light house, rewarding her with a 3 hour exile from her tribe. Her tribe is not notified of why she was removed from the chat, prompting speculation about what happened. 

“captain’s log #49. Fred the squirrel has crafted a boat and left the lighthouse sooner than I. I feel defeat creeping over me. I’ve been here for 10 minutes and I’ve tried every which way to let my tribe know I didn’t desert them, IM NOT A TRAITOR. I even changed my pfp in the hopes someone would catch on. Guess we shall see. IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE”

“Catch me taking down notes on who sweetly tried to contact me. That’s who imma vibe with in this game. Constance, nikias, corinda, Abby :]”

Emma took an expedition to Honshu where she completed a challenge to find the Awashima hidden immunity idol. 

Chose to gift the idol to Adam with the note: “Can’t wait for merge (heart)! PH.”

“I JUST REALIZE I CANT BRING OLIVIA INTO MY CHAT AS A GUEST. Life sucks”

After being given the idol by Emma, his only response was: 

 “PH hmm”

“also heres a thought. I'd LOVE to get rid of like Reegan next if we go to tribal but the thing is the following: with us voting Lauren this vote I kinda need to play it up for the public. I dont want people thinking I am a meninist. Because I am not. so if Lauren does go this round. I think a MAN will need to suffer the consequences. Its what they deserve to be honest. Peace.”

“Going great! I got a little advantage and we’re immune. I think im making good connections? I’m trying not to be too much like I usually am like I’m holding back”

Olivia went on another expedition to Lake Kamo on Sado where she broke a fishermans oyster trap, resulting in her being exiled from her tribe until she had collected four buckets of oysters. 

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. IM GONNA KERMIT WHAT THE FUCK. I’m literally crying whyyyy. expeditions are the worst fucking thing I’m gonna Kermit IM GONNA KERMIT. CAPTAINS LOG #926 I AM ONCE AGAIN EXILED AND SOBBING AS I HAVE TO FUCKING COUNT OYSTERS WHAT IS THIS CRUEL WORLD WHAT THE FUCK WHY ME”

After almost 40 minutes, Olivia completed the task and was allowed back to her tribe. 

“I don’t even get a reward for all that 😭 I’m just sad now”

“I have really been trying to up my social game more than any other game I have been involved in. It may seem like a little too much, but at the same time, I really want to emphasize what I said I would do and that is make genuine friendships with people and do what I can in order to move myself forward in this game. Even if it may cost me my opportunity to win, I at least know that I went out of this game knowing I created a connection with each and every person in someway. 

With that said, I think that the idol searching mechanic shows how hard someone is trying to find something because it ultimately catches everyone’s attention if you get something negative like being exiled from your tribe or whatnot.

I’m not quite sure what this game has in store for me and I don’t expect to accomplish much when it comes to challenges so I hope to bring my socially adaptable techniques into my strategy for the long haul.”

#Mythological Survivor #episode 1 #Survivor