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cupoftaae · 1 year

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Still Perfect (JK Drabble)

Summary- Your mind is playing evil tricks on you again, and the only one who can bring you back down to earth is your husband, the one you are ashamed to admit everything to.

Warnings- swearing, minor angst, they are in luv its cute, mentions of depression (reader), mentions of medications. 18+

Enjoy <3

"Baby...I'm gonna take Gia outside to test the new swing I put up, do you wanna come?" Jungkook whispered, his hand on your back as you laid in the dark bedroom at 2 in the afternoon.

You sighed, looking up at your husbands face, "I want to but I just...Im so tired"

He nodded sadly, "okay...thats okay you dont have to, I'll take pictures?"

"yes please" you smile weakly

"mama!! mama! lets go outside!" Your 3 year old, Gia, runs into the room and stands beside your bed.

Jungkook was quick to pick her up into his arms, squeezing her, "mama isnt feeling too good right now, shes gotta rest." he whispered

"again?" your daughter pouted, her big eyes looking down at you- and with single glance, your heart was broken into 5 million pieces.

Jungkook frowned, "hey, sometimes adults get tired, its okay, we will go have fun in the backyard and you can see mama later? wave bye bye" he held her small hand up and waved for her as he began to leave the room, mouthing a soft "love you" in your direction before the door shut.

with that, the tears began to flow.

Your depression struggles have always found a way into your family, when you were dating jungkook you spent so much time explaining that sometimes you just cant function, and he was the first boyfriend you had that understood and didnt make you feel like a piece of shit for struggling with something out of your control.

It was nice, but then the fears that he would leave set in.

He always tries his best to make sure you feel loved and appreciated, when he proposed, he took you to Italy for 3 weeks just to be alone with you.

And your wedding was no different either.

He made sure you felt beautiful the way you were, showing you off at any chance he could, and even stepping away from the after party with you for a bit when things got overwhelming.

Many emotions were experienced when you became pregnant after 3 months of marriage. The guilt in believing you werent a good mother, the guilt for not having enough energy to eat most days even though you knew it wasnt just about/for yourself.

The self neglect was the worst part, and if jungkook had not been there to help you through all of the ugly, you dont know what you would have done.

You love him so much and the thought that maybe he doesnt feel that from you is terrifying, the thought that your daughter is only 3 and is already catching onto her mothers odd behavior is alarming.

Gia sees her friends moms play with them, she goes over to her cousins house and plays with their mom, why doesnt her own mom have that energy?

The tears seeped into the silk pillows as you squeezed your eyes shut.

This was how it often was for you: no emotion at all, or sadness. thats it, since you were 13.

No amount of doctor visits or therapy could fix you, and now you were letting it ruin your family.

A bit after Jungkook brought Gia inside, she fell asleep on the couch in the living room.

He smiled and took a photo of her small bundled up body laying on the cushion before making his way upstairs to show you.

"honey, you awake?" he mumbled, sliding open the door and walking in.

You were facing the opposite wall, feeling absolutely numb.

"baby" he smiled, kissing your forehead, "you okay? you wanna see the videos of gia?"

You tried to open your mouth to talk but nothing came out, instead your eyes teared up again and you turned your face further into the pillow to hide.

He frowned, putting his phone away as he climbed under the covers with you, his larger body spooning against yours. "sweetheart, whats going on?" his hand brought you closer

"I dont know" you whispered quietly

"just not doing good again?" he questioned, hand rubbing your side softly to soothe you.

You nod, unable to talk.

"im here for you, did you take your medication?"

"no.."

"okay well lets do that now so we dont forget, okay?" he sat up and pulled open your nightstand drawer, taking the pill you take daily and handing it to you alongside a water bottle.

You gently sat up and leaned against the headboard, taking the pill.

"where is she?" you asked quietly, teary eyes catching to kooks in the dimly lit bedroom.

"she passed out on the couch downstairs, bam is laying with her" he smiled, finding a cozy spot beside you again.

"am I a bad mom?" you question, watching his face contort

"what? why would you ask me that? of course you arent"

"jungkook I havent been able to leave the room for 2 days, this isnt normal....she misses me, she needs her mommy and im failing her" your voice cracked slightly as jungkook immediately brought you into his arms, caging you against him.

"dont talk like that, you are such an amazing woman, y/n. I would have never married you otherwise. You are so fucking strong and you cant let yourself fall into this dark space, you are struggling, yes, but we take it step by step, just like we've always done." he rubs your back as he speaks, "and Gia doesnt feel left out, she would not stop talking about you the entire time we were outside. Dont tell her I told you but she picked a bunch of 'flowers' for you" he giggled, "I didnt have the heart to tell her they were just weeds"

You allow yourself to laugh softly, leaning into your husbands embrace.

"you are doing so well....so incredibly well baby. I know life isnt always fair but we cant blame ourselves, we have to pick up what we have learned and move on as stronger people."

You nod, looking at him as he wipes the tear on your cheek.

"my beautiful girl, I love you so much, you know that?"

You smile sadly, "I love you too"

"can I take you downstairs and we can cuddle on the couch? I'll cook for you, you havent eaten in hours"

"okay" you sniff, allowing jungkook to help you up and keep a blanket wrapped around your body.

"mommy!"

Gia's toothless smile greeted you as you came downstairs, Bam laying on her protectively.

"Hi baby" you waved and walked over, sitting onto the couch and letting her crawl into your lap. "I missed you sweetheart, oh- your overalls are backwards" you giggled softly

Jungkook blushed as he sat on the other side of you, sharing a funny glance with his daughter.

"daddy dress me" she whispered

"I can tell" you smile, squeezing her tightly and rocking back and forth gently.

"my pretty girls" jungkook whispered, more so to himself than directed at you both.

"and bammy" gia added on, hiding her face against your chest.

"and bammy" you insisted, rubbing her back

Jungkook leaned over to wrap you two into his arms, kissing both of your heads.

"did you have fun outside" you asked

Gia giggled, "yeah...but daddy pushed the swing too much, I fell" she babbled

"what?" You look at your husband

"shes okay, shes breathing, shes here" he began, smothering his hands over his little girls face as she laughed loudly.

"mama feeling okay?" she asked once you all calmed down,

"mama is doing okay, my dear. Dont worry about me, I love you so much" you squished her face softly and kissed her nose

"love you more!!" she added, clapping her hands

"Love you most!!" You couldnt help but smile as jungkook leaned his head against the back of the couch, eyes drawn on his wife and daughter only.

"i'll make some lunch" he spoke, standing

"yay!! I help?" Gia hopefully asked

"no no, you girls sit there and look cute" he winked at you before walking off to the kitchen, bam following him in hopes of getting a treat.

You loved your little family, and you wouldnt trade them for anything the world had more to offer.

They were the ones who got your through the toughest part of life, and you were grateful that in this moment you didnt have to fake a smile.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook scenarios #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook drabble

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the-s1lly-corner · 8 months

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Seeing Kinger stuff is so nice gosh! Would it be cool to get the rest of the fluff alphabet with him please? Or if that's too much the ones you'd like to write about most

Kinger fluff alphabet! the whole thing!

two things one is more so one of my personal woe things unrelated to you but i deleted my masterlist immediately after finishing it because i didnt like the layout of it; 3 hours down the drain SOBS other thing! imma go ahead and link the other fluff alphabet stuff so its a complete list! actually third surprise thing, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I ACCIDENTALLY FORGOT TO PUT P IN THE FLUFF ALPHABET/lh/nm i fixed it now but i cant believe i skipped a letter i feel so dumb

ABSTRACT- if you were to ever abstract he would probably abstract himself. i mean if the things about queener/queenie are true and they were close, then that would mean this guy would lose a loved one TWICE. that would most definitely break someone, and kinger is already on the edge as it is. if he somehow doesnt abstract, he probably becomes even more paranoid; kind of shutting everyone out almost because he sure as hell knows he cant take a third heartbreak. rarely ever leaves his pillow fort, unless hes physically dragged out? sometimes he forgets you're gone, because he just refuses to believe the truth. sad stuff

BONDING- will rattle on and on about cool bug facts, if he has his own collection in his room he will show you it! maybe, if you want, he will let you hold some of the critters! tells a lot of stories, nicer ones from when things in the circus arent so... bad.. usually when hes in a good headspace! you get the feeling he embellishes his stories... not too different from a grandfather trying to make his experiences seem more glamorous and action packed than they really were

CUDDLING- he is very hard, due to him being a chess piece, but his clothes do a really good job at softening him! no arms :(... usually rests his hands on your back, or maybe has one on your shoulder and the other on your hip. switches between being big and little spoon, sometimes he wants to hold and sometimes he wants to be held

DATES- you can find them here!

EMOTION- kinger is... odd... im not sure where he lies, because i think sometimes he does have moments where he remembers thing and it overwhelms him, so that may be the main time hes the emotional one. however, i guess this entire time for emotional ive been focusing on more.. 'bad' emotions, but i think kinger would gush about how much he loves you, like WOAH! he is just overflowing with feelings right now

FAMILY- honestly he gives me dad vibes, if this dude doesnt already have kids in the real world (wow thats a sad thought... dude is like MIA probably and his kids are left to wonder where he went. double owie if queener/queenie was his real life wife before things happened) so if you guys make it back to the real world and unite, you're gonna be a step parent! would he like to have more kids with you? i think it depends, he would want it, though!

GIFT- you know how some people put bugs in like, cases to preserve them or something? i feel like he would give you those with some of his prettier bugs! loves anything you give him, he always keeps them stored safe in his room!

HARSH- you guys dont really get into arguments, i dont think! kinger doesnt like hiding things from you unless its something deeply personal, but otherwise hes an open book to you

IN HOUSE ADVENTURE- here!

JEALOUSY- its not so much as him being jealous as it is him being paranoid that something is going to happen to him or you, so! even if he wasnt worrying himself half to death he doesnt exactly seem like the jealous type to me, tbh

KISS- its time for my favorite thing for characters with no mouth!!! he boinks his face into yours, i actually wrote something for this! not gonna link it since its so short and i can easily relay the idea: but he would internally hype himself up (usually does this if this is the beginning of the relationship, he gets more confident as time goes on!), and just lightly 'pecks' your cheek before pulling away. loves kissing your cheeks as well as the back of your hands. loves being kisses where his mouth would be as well as his cheeks

LOVE LANGUAGE- quality time!! this man follows you around like a love sick puppy, because he loves you so much but also because again, he worries.. he also likes doing acts of service for you, makes him feel like hes capable of doing things on his own (which he is!). loves it when you return the favor via words of affirmation

MENDED- is he dreaming? is he imagining things again?

nope, its really you. somehow, you've recovered from abstracting, and you're now out of the cellar. he wants to hold you and never ever ever let you go, out of fear that hes going to come to his senses any second and youll be gone. wants to keep you in the pillow fort with him, or at least within his line of sight

NO- its less of an active dealbreaker and more of a "hey this is going to stress him out and probably hurt his mental health" but like, i dont think he would pair well with a really really intense person. like sure caien is pretty intense, but its not like caine is going to be spending a significant amount of time with him everyday, but like. you know? like i talk about some characters enjoying being on their toes and left guessing in regards to their partner, but kinger is NOT one of those people. he needs stability

PDA- less of a case where he actively and knowingly indulges in PDA and more so a case where he subconsciously holds onto your hand to keep you at arms length and to feel you. due to his lack of arms he has probably wandered off without you (and his hand) at least once. is not opposed to PDA, though, so long as its not like. insane

QUIET TIME- quiet time between the two of you is very rare. sure kinger can be very quiet when hes alone, but when hes alone with someone else, someone he cares so much about.. he cant help but fill the silence with words, to keep the ringing in his ears at bay .. so really quiet time is talking time

ROSES- ill mention it again in V (i wrote v before this section), he loves giving you roses especially on special occations! loves receiving flowers as well, he seems like a rose kind of guy as well

SHH- the one thing he doesnt like talking about is queener/queenie, well, more so the last few days leading up to her abstraction. it brings up. well, memories. on one hand he doesnt want to forget her, but on the other hand he doesnt want to bare the pain of those terrible memories

TUNES- THIS THIS THIS THIS ONE ALWAYS COME TO MY HEAD WHEN I THINK OF ROMANTIC HCS FOR SWEETIDEAS FOR OLDER GUYS IDK WHY

youtube

UPSET- im going back and forth with a lot of these as i fill in the list so! tying this in with E, i mention one of the only times he gets emotional is when he remembers some unfortunate events that took place in the circus. you're going to need to console him and bring him back to the present moment :(. when you're upset he tries to distract you, takes you to his fort, and tells you stories

VALENTINE- on the chance that he remembers what day it is, hes going to give you the most sterotypical date he can give to you. i think it might be because i can kind of see kinger as like, a classic/stereotypical romantic when it comes to you. flowers, he cant take you out to dinner so he takes you out to the digital lake to gaze at the clouds and watch the bugs pass

WANT- he wants a companion, he wants stability, and thats something he needs. he wants someone to be compassionate about him, his wellbeing, and his interests

XOXO- here! as well as Yearn!

ZZZ- if you guys go to sleep together its always in his room, where hes more comfortable. he also has a thing where he insists on being the one closer to the door; almost as if hes offering himself as protection to you should someone unwanted to come in. huh. always sleep holding onto you, snores like a dad

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #kinger imagine #kinger x you #kinger x reader

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ask-sibverse · 7 months

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Can you do a mix of x and y? A flash of anger and tears for td1 and nightmare please?

What is it with everyone and giving me angst? Not complaining but damn. Btw any T1D Reader asks sent for this will be uploaded to AO3, Ill do one big batch Sunday

You absolutely hated how your blood sugars effected your moods. An anxious crybaby when low, irritable grouch when high. You were probably a feast for your boss, Nightmare. Or did he actually feed off his employees? You could never tell...

And yet, here you were again. Blood sugar through the roof. CGM and even your monitor couldn't read how high it was and you couldn't tell if it was coming down. You'd changed the pump site, seemed to be a bad site so maybe things would finally start going down.

But for now, you were high as a kite and feeling miserable. Your head hurt, even thinking about food made you nauseous. Which was making Horror upset because you hadn't eaten anything at all today. Which was making Cross anxious because Horror was stressed. Which meant they both were crowding you and fussing over you.

"JUST STOP!" You yelled, unable to take it anymore. You knew you'd feel guilty for yelling at them both but right now you were too overwhelmed and frustrated to care. You stalked off, looking for somewhere to be alone for a while.

You ended up in the library. Only Nightmare ever used it, so it was empty right now as he was busy with something or other. You curled up on one of the couches, frustration reaching its peak.

You felt the cushions shift as someone sat next to you. "Well someone is certainly having an emotional day today."

You hated this. You hated your condition and how fragile it made you feel. You hate having to rely on pumps and insulin to stay alive, and even magic couldn't fix it. Hot, angry tears rolled down your cheeks as you screamed into a pillow.

"I hate this." Your voice was muffled, face pressed into the pillow. "I hate having to rely on technology to live. Technology can fail like today and make everything horrible and no one can fix me. Magic cant even fix me."

Tentacles wrapped around you, the coolness soothing as you leaned into them. "I know, dear. I am here."

(We've all had days like this, right?)

#t1dreader #nightmare sans #dreamtale nightmare #sans x reader #nightmare x reader

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choasuqeen · 2 months

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I'm not on the Chrumblr discord; could I get a quick explanation of the Lore, pretty please?

HELLO HI YES

YOU CAN!!!

so!

bunch of people Arrio- jupiter men strike- star wars oc maddox- star wars oc nightwing- dc raoul- poto christine- poto peter parker- marvel matt murdock- marvel nia- one piece oc venatrix- one piece oc grillface- kirbe…oc? sploto- kirbe oc got dumped into a world they know nothing about they meet, and implicitly decide to work together to get home raoul and christine get chased by guards, told their tresspassing the group defeats the guards, and interrogates one, maddox using to force to see that his head is…empty then theres a voice, seemingly from nowhere, that apperently fixes the guard, to give them some information. while this is happening, nia is using her power to try and see whos closest, and other things. unfortuantly, she gets overwhelmed by this. the group learns of Marina, the Lady of Lantia, the town their in. they then see that nia is not doing well, but maddoxs offer to help by seeing whats in her head goes very wrong. after that, the group comes back togethe tentavily, making their way (kind of following the voice, kind of in spite) to an inn. where raoul finally snaps and tell them all 'no more secrets' so they go around, telling powers and weaknesses. before they finish, christine tries to check on nia, but she freaks out again, and almost shoots christine. fortunatly, matt catches the bullet on his hand, but no one knew about his powers. so after they get everyone calmed down a bit, peter, arrio, strike, trixi, nia, and sploto stay in the room, while the others go out.

the kids get a group hug! and the adults get maddox fainting cause he used to force too much! trixi gets to punch maddox in the stomach (he offered), and maddox gets nightmares! strike and maddox get to platoncally cuddle and its the cutest thing.

arrio and peter right cause they have to share a room nightwing sleeps, and matt check on nia and trixi. he stays while nia deletes her messges, and trixi and him spar (and have deep talk about being replaced)

they then go out in the morn, but the voice takes maddox and transports them all to an island

there they find his diary entry, writing about how he should have been a better brother, and how he cant even remember his sisters full name because of amnesia. nia takes a message for maddox after deleting matts, and they find he is on top of a very steep mountain

after a bunch of arguing, and a talking to from nia to trixi (she is angry cause shes a bit helpless, and lashing out a bit), the agree to go see some pools that might match a message on the map they were given!

and thats where we stopped for now

what we know

everyone is from different worlds

the voice can control this world

theyre all trying their best and i love them

sorry this took so long!!!!

#chrumblr rp #chrumblr rp shenanigans #hello there!

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iwannabeastarstarrockmann · 9 months

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I DID IT!! I LEFT HER :)

I bought a plane ticket and flew for the first time (which was so fun and I got to sit by the window both times!) to be with my extended family who I don't know all that well but my grandma is here too and my grandpa is on his way, so I feel more comfortable since they practically raised me. it's been so fun this past week getting to know all of my cousins and aunt and uncle! there's so much to do here too! I've been hiking, biking, riding atvs, riding my aunts boat, attempting wakeboarding although failing miserably, shooting my uncles guns which was a rush!! and it turns out I'm a perfect shot lmao. and on top of all that, this family really likes to do stuff together which I'm not used to at all so I swear I've been getting invited to one thing after the other every day I've been here. there also happens to be a whole lot of positions open up right now in this area which is great because I was mostly worried about how I was going to find a job last minute.

my uncle and I seem to have a lot in common which is comforting. he also grew up in the desert with nothing to do and also had a crazy mom so were getting along very well. we seem to have a lot of similarities in other areas as well. he took me for a day to show me some of his favorite things to do and also show me what a day of work is like for him and put me to work for part of the day so that he could get a feel for what im skilled at. were surrounded by so much forest so he took me to some of his favorite spots close to a cabin he's been fixing up and we got to explore an abandoned mine shaft!!! OMG it was so cool! he also took me to a really nice cemetery near where he works and it was so beautiful and mystical and we saw a whole lot of deer all throughout it which just enhanced the whole experience. I'm having so much fun

I've never been so relaxed in my entire life. its sad to think that this way of living was always available to me lol. oh yeah, the coffee here is absolutely amazing! and there are so many options, its almost overwhelming. now that im able to be more active, I've fallen back into my coffee addiction to stay energized throughout the day lol.

id say the only con is that my aunt is a lot like my mom so sometimes it can be difficult to be around her but other than that, this is like heaven :))

obviously it's not perfect, as I'm still trying to cope with the guilt of leaving my mom and fighting the urge to cut or starve when my guilt gets to be too much but id rather this lingering feeling than the constant torture of living with my mom in a place with nothing to do and nowhere to go, you know?

plus side from all this trauma is that I've lost 14 pounds since I left her and that's just from all the hiking and walking I'm doing during my free time lol

I'm still in a calorie deficit most days but its not really that low compared to how I used to restrict.

I'd say right now the only thing that's really stressing me out is my need to constantly body check, its definitely gotten worse since I moved out here, and its because I really cant tell how others perceive me.

I'm also fighting with myself most days since I got here cause I keep catching myself saying things inside my head like "you dont deserve to eat", "dont be a fat pig", "no one will love you if you get fat", you know, the cliche signs that you are not completely recovered yet, but I think I'm also going to be starting my period soon and I often fall into a depressive state right before, and it often starts with self hatred and then fades halfway through my period.

anyway I've gotten way off track, obviously the move cant solve all of my problems but I am so happy right now despite my mental struggles and still cant believe that I'm lucky enough to be so easily accepted by a family who doesn't even really know me yet! I wouldn't have been able to escape if they weren't so welcoming from the very beginning.

#ed bllog #tw ana diary #childhood trauma #child neglect #trauma #verbal abuse #psychological abuse #tw ana shit #ed vent #i wanna be perfect #edblrr #body ch3ck #ana trigger

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prince-tulip · 1 year

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I need to stop trying to be everything for everyone.

I cant let go of people, i have a severe abandonment issue that has gone too far. My reality became so blurry, with so many people wanting things from me..cognitive distortions and people pleasing stemming from overwhelming guilt and shame and fear..living off defense mechanisms first..

Its like if ive done wrong to you, i feel I have to be punished and be exactly whoever to whomever person im involved with. Which that plays into daily life, i feel I always have to be how they want me to be, im HEAVILY influenced by the world and often times in bad ways, its a big reason i dont just live my life.. Not to say either that i dont have genuine emotions and love for literally anyone ive loved or even if they hurt me and are toxic, i won't leave. When something i cant handle happens, i look for an escape route maybe? But i know i don't actually want to leave or cut someone off..My feelings become caught in a bundle of wires, words become misdirected, impulsive and if i have a trauma bond with you, subconscious feelings and past events come screaming at my face, confusing my reality more, saying and doing things i shouldn't. All things ive tried so hard to heal from..i have so much love to give and I think overall just genuine connection is what im looking for..even if thats just as friends with whoever my sentiment gets the best of me too, i feel as if everything must mean something but thats just not true and its going to keep killing me if i think like that...that's the big question..

What does connection mean to me? What form do i want it in and how can i better understand how to communicate with my loved ones or future companions? Growing up it was always soulmate, marriage, kids, happy life but i dont think(as of right now, i do hope one day) that the typical life isn't for me..societys need to be perfect, to be perceived as happy and successful, forcing a life out of want oppose to need..i dont understand..

Maybe though..just maybe nothing can grow if you dont allow it to and thats a fault on me.."here comes the contradiction" lmao...*insert*

Could i just be honest and communicate how i properly feel? Yes..but with how my mental illness is, i dont know how i feel. Every thought, perspective, moral is just contradictory. Every second. Its a constant battle of not self destructing, hurting people, picking fights, loss of interest, feeling numb, thinking every is meant for a reason when its not that fucking serious. Its not just negative moods either. Happiness comes in big waves that feel uncomfortable, pleasure feels wrong, like i dont deserve it, in any form.

Im riddled with guilt and regrets..

I feel torn through out time, belonging to people from different points in my life, struggling to feel whole and until i do, especially when it comes to love, romance and building together.

I cant have those, it burns me out. I focus too much on them, then burn out which causes problems and personal anger, sadness, resentment in everyone involved..

I never understood i had a need for validation but oh god, how i understand now..I never understood cognitive distortion but oh god, how i understand now..i never understood how to truly express myself and my desires..but how i understand now..too late... Ironically.

My honest intentions questioned due to my lack of mental understanding, a lack of time perception, a lack of being able to sift through my emotions of how i truly feel, a lack of being able to realize i dont need to people please, a lack of realizing i dont have boundaries for myself or others, a lack of not being able to not self destruct, if i hurt or disappointed someone i feel i need to fix things and be someone that i actually dont really wanna be but i end up filling that role because i need to fix something or i just have a personality switch and im saying and doing things i really don't mean, its so polarizing and its no ones fault, its so much my fault....

I now realize i do not need to feel like i need to be punished..or that i dont deserve good things...The lack of not letting things be natural, not letting things just happen, always fear driven and being controlled by my defense mechanisms. This overwhelming guilt, shame and disgust i harbor in my heart of all the wrongs ive ever made, it all haunts me and im so familiar with it, its almost if thats all i will feel my life, as if thats what i subconsciously wanted...not needed..i didn't need this..but here i am..

#people pleaser #bpd thoughts #self healing #mental health #mental illness #therapy #literature #writing #venting #daily diary #cognitive distortions #avoidant

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hffnjue4y · 11 months

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my mood is unstable these days.

some days i feel like im on cloud 9. everything is perfect. we have hardships ahead, but theyre all manageable and worth it. they feel far away, and unclear. on those days, i cant even grasp what it is about her im so stressed about.

and then, like a switch, it can change. i feel unsure, stressed. it usually happens when we dont talk (she’s asleep right now) things feel hopeless, everything feels pointless. it’s like im exposed to a side of the world i never had to consider before- through her eyes. how much she was hurt, how much shes still hurting. how much she has to deal with. and it hurts me. i wanna live in oblivion again sometimes. i didnt know how much of this world i wasnt seeing before.

i tried talking to other people, they often make things worse- i dont wanna feel like i have to defend this relationship. i want people to be happy for us, not worry about me. and i know typing that makes it all sound incredibly abusive, which it isnt. i dont know what to do anymore.

i love her so much. i think i need to address that attachment we have. this often overwhelms me just how much she occupies my mind, her, our relationship. i think im starting to understand what she told me back then- about how loving fictional characters means theres no expectations back. they cant disappoint you. real people are way harder. and i think i didnt know it so far cause i never let myself truly attach to anyone.

now there are stakes. we’re both emotionally involved, to a point where we can hurt each other a lot. and thats scary.

i worry about her being “unregulated” but then again, am i regulated? my mood swings so dramatically. i overthink. i talk too much about this relationship but no one seem to understand. im confused. im not sure what i want in life anymore. i want to be away from here, i want her close with all my family and friends. i want her, im scared of her (our relationship and attachment). i get really nervous and anxious around fights, aggression, loud noises, and sometimes she triggers it.

i dont want to stress her out anymore. she’s doing good these days, and i think this stress will pass shortly. i dont feel like bringing her down with my uncertainty and doubts all the time- im afraid she might think im gonna leave her. we need to fix our trust, but i think only time will tell here.

talking with mom today freaked me out. she doesnt seem to trust this relationship will last. mom’s view of my girlfriend means the world to me. i wish they could meet. im afraid that when they meet mom wont like her, or worst, shed think she isnt good for me. im afraid shes seeing things that i dont. but she also doesnt have the full picture.

i dont know how much of things right now come from the fact that im unemployed, but at my grandparents place, feeling directionless. i think i might be depressed. and someone i love is so far away, its almost impossible to cross that distance without committing in a way. so of course its scary.

today i woke up from a nap feeling pretty bad. i missed her texts and the part of me that still hangs to her desperately wants to spend every moment together.

HOW. DO. I. MAKE. THIS. HEALTHY?

was this doomed from the start?

whos to say whats healthy and whats not?

are these fears common, because im new to relationships of this level?

if i have the thought, does it mean its true?

things to do:

- do. not. put. your. emotional. well. being. after. anyone. elses.

- trust you gut??? i have no idea anymore, this changes every day.

- mental illness isnt the end of the world. it makes things hard for her, yes, but its not unlivable. trust her to do her best and support her.

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dumbbitchfrommars · 1 year

Text

i finished bridgerton and im sad. im sad because i feel like lady danbury deserved more... and im scared that my life will end up like hers. i dont know. i feel like we all deserve more than a life without love.

today was so hard. every day feels so hard lately. im so overwhelmed with emotions, and ive been punishing my sister. im sad that i wasted our time together being like this but she was annoying me too... but she doesnt deserve to feel like a problem, or like she has to step on eggshells around me. i keep on facing this darkside of myself and its disappointing and shameful. im selfishly angry and aggressive and mean. i need to loosen up on others, and be kinder, and warmer, and all those good things that i feel like arent being provided to me. im sad shes leaving tomorrow cause i dont know when well see each other again. probably in 3 months... i hope. last time was 6 months ago... it will fly by!

in this economy its getting harder and harder to see the people we care about. but shes only a flight away...! i dont know. i guess its sad feeling so distanced again now that were changing and we dont talk as much. i want to be there for her but were going through entirely different situations.

im frustrated by my lack of a backbone. i hate my job but i do nothing about it. UGH! i hate the types of men im attracting yet i dont send them away, i open my life to them. when i know that by doing so i leave no space for the keanu reaves/oscar isaac/tom hardy types that i know i want and deserve. UGH! what happened to the bad bitch with a good music taste, amazing style, sexy attitude and too cool for school vibes? i completely lowered myself to feel validated by pathetic boys, only to wonder why i feel like nothing when i realise their validation means nothing. in fact, it actually lowers my worth, because now i think that i belong in their league.

i win at life when i realise my focus could be on myself instead of boys and relationships. i cant help it im a horny hopeless romantic! i miss the days where i was consumed by my stories enough to distract me from the real thing. now im indecisive over a dilf that i absolutely know is not the right decision for me.

anyways, yes, im sad and pathetic and wallowing in all my annoying and inconvenient emotions because im a woman and im definitely not living up to my full, amazing, beautiful, incredible, awesome potential. ONE DAY! one day. ugh. thats what makes it all so much worse, honestly. knowing everything im capable of, but sitting here idly being bored and drained by my lack of stimulation. its such an easy thing to fix, no? im surrounded by distractions. i just need discipline, to detach myself from this addiction to distraction. i managed to free myself from weed and bad people. even cigarettes, though that never really counted for me, i was never addicted, i am strong willed. i can free myself from this too! i am already so dedicated to my body, making myself the strongest i can be to feel my best and most confident. but the final piece of the puzzle is strengthening my mind, and my wit. wow.

this feels like such a revelation now that ive managed to conceptualise it. like all this time ive been so lost, and confused, and wondering what was missing from my awareness, to help me understand what ive been doing wrong. its this! i need to dedicate myself to my mind. it will solve everything ive ever felt insecure about! i will be a better writer, i will be a better student, a better marine biologist, a better friend, a better guest, a better partner, a better employee, a better person. a better creative. and a better divine being. because with knowledge comes connection to all things...

im figuring it out. im on my own path and timeline. and ill take it step by step. and one day ill look back and smile and laugh and cry about the journey ive managed to complete, all on my own. always on my own. because i am a strong, independent, magical woman. with music to heal and soothe me, and those who came before me to teach me and guide me, and my loved ones to support me and celebrate me, i will accomplish everything i ever dreamed or wished for! like i always said so. i am determined. i am determined. i am capable of anything i put my mind to. i will expand my knowledge, and become a makeup artist, and become a marine biologist, and get my divers certificate, and do beautiful makeup for my beautiful friends, and create endless stories, and memories, and love, and acceptance, and nurture myself as a gorgeous flower only learning to bloom.

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galileosmaria · 1 year

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Sometimes I think life really is fcking with me. My dog died, you know. And it hurts so much I feel like everyone important to me keeps walking away and leaving. These days, everything has just been so hard. Its been weeks since I had a proper sleep. I couldnt eat. I couldnt focus on anything. I just stay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I dont like going out with people, Id rather just stay home and do nothing all day. I dont study for anything. I dont know what to do or what to face first. You know that feeling when the world had just placed too many problems on your table that its overwhelming to the point where the only thing you think would keep sane is if you stand up and choose to ignore all of them? It sucks right? It sucks cause you know its not gonna fix anything, but you know as well that its the only thing keeping you together. If only you could pass it out to other people. If only you could just ignore it forever. Yeah, so I dont know. Its all mixed up I dont know which problem to face first. My dog died. My bestfriend and first love who ghosted me for 4yrs came back looking for me saying he missed me, he's sorry, and top that, he has stage 4 leukemia. I mean, you didn't think it could go worse than that, right? But here's thr thing. A friend of mine, who I trusted with my life, tried to make whoopee with me while I was asleep. Now theres still my studies, my family, and other things I have to worry about. And you might see me walking around the school smiling and laughing. But I dont know, I cant do this anymore. Im so tired of facing all these shit too. But I cant just stop. I cant. Because I still have so much to do for you. For the people I love. Even when Im dying inside, I cant just stop.

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bossmahal · 1 year

Text

Its been a week. This entire week all I've done is think of you. Last week was terrible, one of the most painful week I ever had my entire life. I thought something was stabbing my chest every minute. I couldnt stop screaming, calling out your name. Questioning why are we here now? It broke my heart to pieces when you said you'd hang with your friends rather than with me. I never felt so unloved and alone. I had no choice but to stomach the fact that I am no longer your priority. I didnt even get anything as to what you've been up to afterwards. Even the following days were hell. Even telling me straight you wont come visit me because you'd feel it will be forced. My stay near your workplace felt like my soul was being crushed to pieces by the minute. I had no choice but to accept your words. I felt so defeated that i could do nothing for you to have a change of heart then you came on my last night of stay.

When I saw you I was confused. Why are you here now? Are you here to end it all? Are you here to tell me you dont love me? Are you going to tell me there's someone else now? All these questions popped in my head. The pain in my chest only felt tighter with the silence we have. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to ask.

Why are you here? You said you had planned to come, you apologized that we couldnt be like we were before where I was your priority. I broke there and then. Asking why? What did I do wrong? Why did it come to this?

All you could say was you don't know. That there's a lot going on with your life. That you dont want anything. You dont want tomorrow. You dont even know what you want for the future. Including me.

I couldnt understand. Why must I disappear from your life? Why am I included on the things you want to disappear? Is there nothing I can do to change your mind? Something. Anything. I love so much I'm willing to try anything just to make us work.

You said you love me. That your feelings never changed. Then why? Why are you doing this? Your answer was you're not ok. That you lost your passion like the time you first met me. I tried to convince you still that of course people change. That we sometimes cant have all the time in the world for 1 person, it doesnt mean we have to give this up. You still said no, telling me I dont deserve that. You feel overwhelmed by my love. That I love you too much yet you cant give back. That you want to fix yourself first. The conversation went on and on till i gave out. Agreed with you that you want out.

I asked you if in the future when you're ok, would you want to get back together? You said yes but you know its impossible.

I swore right then and there that I would wait for you to be back. No matter how long. No matter how many years it would take. I can still hear you say you'd want that, I can still see your face about to cry as if wanting to believe me. I assured you I would wait. That I will love you every single day no matter what. So you'd better come back

You couldn't believe it at first. I reminded her how stubborn i can be. I'll love her for 2? 5? Yrs or till God knows when. I'll wait. I repeated this over and over till I felt you believed me. You promised you'd be back and when you do you'll make sure that nothing can break us apart.

I asked. Can you see it? In our future? Were together? That we were meant to be? You agreed. Nodding and saying yes.

We made love that night. It was so intense I can still feel it. Your skin to mine. Kissing every part of your body. Making you moan. You making me feel good. Everything is sitll in my mind.

Jan 21. This was the last day I saw and spoke to you. I remember all the things we talked about, specially our promise.

I cant forget that you shed a tear when you ask me to smile and I did. You told me I was beautiful and you'd miss me. I couldn't help myself but cry too while keeping my smile and caressing your face. I wanted to burn your face unto my memory because I dont know when I'll see you again. We talked about the past of how we used to be. We were just happy. As if we weren't breaking up, yet time was almost up. You have to go back to work. You checked your phone and saw my email and messenger message, i saw you cry after reading and told you'd better come back to me. You better message me. I'd answer you right away coz you're the only one I want to receive a message from. The only person I ever want to be with. So come back.

We said our farewells. Even called you till youre at the office. We didnt want the call to end. That call ending would start the silence between us indefinitely. I didnt want to lose you. I was willing to try anything even waiting if it meant having a chance even a 0.01% chance I'll take it coz right now that's the only think I can do. There's nothing I can do. NOTHING I can do for us. I will always love you and I'll always think of you. From a distance.

#heartbroken #heartbreak #missing you #i love her

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jarofstyles · 3 years

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145👉👈

Another installment of mafia!h 😎

Get early access and check out our Patreon

______

“Come here. You can sit in my lap until I’m done working.”

Y/N never would have imagined that being in the mafia required so much…. Paperwork. But it did. And she didn’t usually mind, no, she was a good girl for Harry in all levels.

But she was horny. They had an amazing sex life, Y/N couldn’t ever complain, but he had been so busy lately that she was feeling a bit needier than usual. This was something that she didn’t know how to go about, because she wasn’t the most forthcoming when it came to sex. Harry was the one to push and tease and loved to make her shy and blushy.

So to initiate, she climbed into his lap and kissed his neck. At first it had just been a peck. But then it continued, Y/N shifting in his lap a few times until Harry was broken out of his work mode and realizing just what was going on.

“Wha’s the matter?” He spoke softly. “‘It feels nice, pet, but… what’s going on with you? Just feeling extra lovey?” He stroked her thigh, making her sigh and shyly spread her legs open. He stroked the bare skin there, getting a shiver from her and a bit wider of a spread.

“Mhm.” She buried her face in his neck, hugging him close as he stroked her skin, trying to go back to his emails.

That only lasted about 2 minutes before he felt his hand slowly being moved. Y/N took his wrist and guided it up, up, until his hand was cupping over her bare cunt. The bare, wet cunt that had his breathing hitch and body stopping for a moment before heat filled his stomach.

“Ahhhhh… so that’s what’s the matter.” He hummed. “My baby girl is horny.” She whined at the accusation but ultimately nodded into his neck, rubbing herself against the hand pressed up against her. Smearing her arousal all over his fingers and the top of his hand, she let out a weak moan.

It was a rarity for her to be so bold and give him such clear signals. He usually did it and didn’t mind. But this was an extra special day for him, because she truly couldn’t wait for it. She had wanted him so badly that she had brought his hand there and began to use it on herself, which made the man incredibly turned on.

“That’s my girl…” he whispered. “That’s what I like to see. Poor baby… was so horny, couldn’t even wait for me to bend you over the kitchen counter, could you?” He ran a finger over the folds and she jerked slightly, shifting so he had better access. All she wanted was pleasure from him, and Harry wouldn’t ever deny his girl.

“Never can say no to my precious little princess. Cant let such filthy words like ‘daddy, can you play with my pussy’ unless I’ve already got you fucked out. So you’re gonna sit there and just take it like that?” He chuckled. “I love it. Love my shy girl.” He kissed her temple, fingers slowly finding her clit and placing some pressure on it.

“Drippy pussy with a swollen clit. Y’need to make yourself cum on my fingers so badly, yeah?” He held them to her as she rubbed herself up and down, lifting her hips and holding on to his shoulder. A shaky moan and a nod into his shirt was the confirmation he had asked for, her hand holding his wrist right where she wanted it.

“Go ahead, darling. Make yourself feel good on my fingers. Use me to get off. I love this. Always want you to feel good. Never gonna complain about you cumming.” He praised. “I’ve got to make this call. But keep on doing that, sweet thing. When you’re gonna cum, jus’ go ahead. Don’t need to ask me this time.” His free hand reached for the phone and brought it to his ear.

She knew he was doing this to make her cum harder. He didn’t have to take the call now. But it got her off. His attitude, the way he carried himself, the way he didn’t give a single fuck. Plenty of times people had walked in with her sucking at his cock under the desk, and she managed to soak through a pair of shorts that way.

She breathed heavily into his neck as he answered the phone, talking lowly and in his more firm and authoritative voice. His fingers angled perfectly on her clit, she had found the perfect rhythm and she humped against them. He was thoroughly enjoying it, with his fingers drenched and her slick dripping down to his wrist, he didn’t care at all about the mess.

In fact, he welcomed it.

“I don’t really give a fuck who’s fault it is. Fix it.” His voice dropped, and maybe he made it a bit meaner than he had to but he got the desired effect when her hips sped up, tiny whines into his skin. For a girl as sweet as candy, she sure as fuck loved when Harry was a dick. She loved when he yelled at people who interrupted. It got her dripping wet, got her needy and wanting.

She was fucked up, just like him. She just didn’t show it on the outside.

“Fuck, are you all idiots?” He growled, pressing his fingers harder against her. She whimpered a little ‘yes, yes’ into his shirt as she moved harder. It only made him continue. Poor guy on the other end, but his baby had to cum.

“If I hav’ta come down there to fix it, there won’t be anything left of all of you to find. D’ya understand? I’ll have y’idiots offed before you can ruin yet another shipment because you can’t follow directions. D’ya even know who the fuck I am? Who you’re working for?” He hissed, eyes moving to his soaked hand as Y/N sloppily moved against it. She was close.

“That’s what I fucking thought. Now it better be fixed. Don’t call me back. I’m gonna be fuckin’ my girl.” His blunt nature wasn’t a surprise, but it was another thing that turned her on.

The call ended, and Harry could feel her hips get sloppier in its movements. “C’mon. Cum for me. Know you like what daddy’s an ass. Makes you so wet for me.” He cooed. “C’mon. Theres my dirty girl. Pussy is pulsin’ n’ waiting for my cock. Y’want to be filled, right?” He teased, free hand moving her hair to the other side of her neck.

“Yes, yes I do. Please….” She sulked, thighs shaking and slightly tired from the effort. The fuzzy feeling was in her belly, so close to the band snapping.

“Good. The. Let go f’me, baby. Cum all over my fingers so I can fill your dirty pussy up with my cum. Make y’walk out with it dripping between your thighs.” He urged. Taking one hand, he lifted it up and brought it down on her ass got a spanking- and she was a goner.

Babbling lottle sobs of nonsense left her lips as she came, body shaking as she clung to him. His fingers staying right where they were until she was too sensitive, sniffling slightly at the overwhelming feeling.

“There we go.” He soothed, pulling his fingers up to their faces. “Clean up your mess, n’then I want you bent over the desk. Need to cum inside that cunt.”

#writing #harry styles one shot #jarofstyles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #blurbs #blurb #smut #mafia harry #mafiarry #Harry smut #Harry blurb #Harry styles blurb #harry styles imagine #harry one shot

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momoshin · 3 years

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omg wait one more i promise lol BUT itzy taking ryu to a strip club for her birthday and her taking a liking to stripper!yn :( like the way she’d be so touchy and blushy when it was her turn for a lap dance or watching yn dance :(

you know as soon as she walks in the door who she is, mostly because of the description her friends gave you when setting up the appointment, but also because of the red ribbon across her torso that spelled ‘birthday girl’ and glowed under the entrance lights.

“that’s yours?” your coworker asks, reapplying lip gloss as she looks at the four girls walking in, one of them more nervous and giddy than the rest, watching as you nod without even taking your eyes off the birthday girl. “looks fun”

“oh it’ll be fun” you chuckle, fixing your long robe, making sure the slit opened perfectly for your leg.

you can tell she’s overwhelmed as her friends run the names of the drinks over to see what she wants first, it’s probably the combination of how loud the music is with her friends screaming in her ear. so you give her a couple of minutes to calm down and finally order, watching as the bartender tells them they can wait for their drinks at their table, which to her surprise is in their own little booth secluded from the rest of the public and dancers.

“how much did this cost?” she gasps as they push her through the red velvet rope that divided both places.

“shhhh don’t worry, lia’s got it covered” the brunette laughs, she’s the one that came to u first, with the short one who you assume is lia as she flips her hair dramatically to keep the joke going. there’s another friend you havent seen before though, she has red hair and a body to die for, she was tall, and for some reason you assumed she was a dancer, maybe it had something to do with her thighs, who knows. your boss will probably find her way into talking to that one about working here later.

for now, you just have to concentrate on the black haired one, which if you wanted to lie, you could just say she didn’t look stunning in the tight dress that didn’t sit longer than her thighs, which looked plump enough to make nice earmuffs even in the summer, so yeah, you could say she wasn’t making you think about everything else than the thing at task, but you’d be lying to yourself and everyone else.

“im assuming you’re ryujin?” she turns around so quick at the mention of her name, just seeing it made u a little dizzy.

“i am?” its more a question than a reply, and you catch her friends chuckling behind her like school girls watching their friend interact with her crush. “who are you?” you act like you cant see the way her eyes look you up and down, how her gears are turning probably asking herself what you’re wearing under the robe.

“my name’s y/n” you extend your hand enough for her to catch on and do the same, shaking it and hoping you cant feel how sweaty her palm is. “why don’t you sit here? while the drinks come”

her friends have already sat in the booth behind her, and she doesnt have time to wonder why she has to sit in a chair in the middle of the salon while her friends get to sit way back, because they’re pushing her to do it anyways. she watches you pace around her in a circle until she sits, and then you finally stop in front of her, making sure to watch her reactions when you untied your rope and slowly let it slide down your arms to swiftly toss it at your side.

“can i sit there?” she instantly looks down to where you’re pointing, cute. but she just as quickly looks up and nods, not knowing what to do with her hands until distracted from her thoughts by your leg that swung over her thighs, making sure you were comfortable when straddling her.

and the two of you just lock eyes for a couple of minutes, so long that her friends got bored of just watching and the red haired girl finally spoke.

“you can touch her ryujin, she wont bite” you look at her when she talks, her legs are crossed and she’s leaning over them, her elbows resting on her lap as she stares “right, miss?”

but the slight change in her voice when she called you miss, that just made you tilt your head in deeper thought. you like the idea of her under you next better than her working here at all. but alas, ryujin pulls you back from your thoughts as she looks back at her friend and probably curses her out in silence

but the birthday girl is even more surprised when you use your hand to cup her jaw and turn her face so she was looking at you again. “eyes on me babe”

“but she’s right” you continue, brushing her hair away from her face. “wouldn’t you like to touch?”

“y-yeah” she fails to notice the server coming in with the drinks, your regular order also in there even though you didn’t ask for it in the first place. she only notices when you take her drink from the tray, not even sparing a glance to the side and making sure to maintain the eye contact with her, even when you took a sip of her drink before she even had a chance to try it

ryujin gulps audibly, even through the music, and only whispers an “im good” when you offer the drink to her after. she took the liberty of putting her hands on your waist, but eventually with the way you rocked back and forth after giving the drink back to the server, they ended up more on your ass than anywhere else.

it goes from that, to you moving her hands to touch wherever else you wanted her to, to her finally getting the confidence to do it herself, you can hear her friends giggle every now and then, but you’re too focused on her and thankfully, she’s just as lost in you.

soon enough, you take a break, after wiping the corner of her mouth from the little bit of alcohol that had spilled from the glass when you poured it in her mouth. “i’ll be back” you get up and off her lap, winking at her and making sure to sway your hips enough for her eyes to be glued on you until you disappeared from her eyesight.

#maybe it wasnt that long lmaooo #but still you can send anything in !!! :)#stripper!reader #my stuff #itzy imagine #itzy imagines #itzy smut #kpop smut #ryujin x reader #ryujin smut

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lick-me-lennon22 · 3 years

Text

How they calm you down when you're very stressed/having a breakdown 💜

thanks so much to @betchq who requested this one! hope you enjoy :) 💕

(these ended up wayyy too long.. whoops :P)

Paul:

it's all too much- you can't take it anymore

one minute you're sitting on the bed venting to Paul about work and family troubles- frustrated, but not devastated- and suddenly you've spiraled again

you're practically hyperventilating, gripping the duvet so hard your knuckles turn white, sobbing about how unfair the world is and how you'll never truly be happy

"Woah, woah, what's this all about darling?" he interjects tenderly, a gentle finger lifting your chin up to look at him, briefly breaking you from the hope-devouring clutches of your panicked mind

"It's -*hic*- just too m-much to handle Paul, I -*hic*- c-cant do it anymore," you manage to squeak out between sobs, your voice wavering and your lip quivering

Paul gazes into your tear-filled eyes, scanning them with his own in an attempt to gain understanding, a deeply concerned expression on his face

he places a firm, loving hand on each of your shoulders, eyes still locked on yours

"Listen to me, my love- nothing, and I mean nothing, is so wrong or bad that you can't take it on, or that this world would be better off without you. I know things are difficult for ye right now and it's completely understandable that you're overwhelmed- but you will get through this. And I will stay glued to your side every step of the way"

you inhale shakily, the cascade of tears that once flowed down your cheeks slowing to a halt as Paul continues his pep talk:

"Regardless of how daunting and scary it seems and no matter what it takes, you are going to be okay- more than okay, you are going to get through this and emerge from it even better off and happier than ever before. Ye hear me?" he says sincerely- his gaze stern, piercing, and comforting all at the same time

you nod slowly, eyes glimmering with residual tears, and sniffle once more

"You are the strongest, most capable, and most resilient person I know. I don't ever want you to feel that the days are becoming too heavy for you to handle. And if you do you know you can always, always come to me, no matter how insignificant you think your struggles are- they're not. I don't care if I'm 'busy,' nothing ever takes priority over you and your wellbeing, Y/N. I mean that."

you smile up at him with appreciation as he wipes your cheeks with his thumbs

"T-Thank you, Paul. It all just gets so overwhelming.. I don't know what I'd do without you"

"It's no trouble at all love, that's me job"- he gives you a small smile and pulls you in for a long, gentle hug

"I adore you Y/N, you are my whole world. Promise you'll come to me if you ever feel this way again?"

you nuzzle into Paul's chest: "I promise"

"That's my (girl/boy/love). I love you more than anything in this world- don't you ever forget that" ♡

John:

you don't even hear the front door open and shut, the sound drowned out by your sobs combined with the melancholy tunes coming from the record player on your dresser

"Y/N, I'm home!" John calls out, kicking off his shoes and coming to find you

he searches for you on the couch, at the dining room table, and then in the kitchen- but you're nowhere to be found

That's strange, he thinks, Y/N's almost always sat on the couch waiting for me when I come home...

"Where's my sweet birdie?~" he tries, striding briskly down the hallway to your shared bedroom, still in pursuit of his partner

John raps his knuckles against the wooden door and waits a few moments for a response

when he doesn't get one he turns the doorknob and pushes his way in, panic flooding his mind and senses

nothing could have prepared John for what he sees- the love of his life curled up fetal-style in bed, clutching the blanket for dear life, cheeks glistening with tears and features screwed up into an agonized expression

he rushes to your side immediately, placing a firm hand on your shoulder and shaking you softly to alert you of his presence

he spooks you and you startle, eyes snapping open in shock

"Are you alright, love? What happened- did somebody hurt you?? If someone upset ye I swear I'll make 'em rue the day they were born-" he seethes, interrupted only by you sitting up against the pillows and taking his hand in yours:

"J-John, calm down, I'm fine.."

"Did.. did I do something? Was it me? Tell me what I did wrong Y/N, whatever it is I'll fix it I promi-"

"No John, you've done everything right," you sigh

"It's j-just.." you trail off, unable to meet his gaze

he waits for a moment before encouraging you with a "Go on darling, you can tell me anything"

you take a deep, shaky breath before continuing- "Everything is so overwhelming and heavy.. just living feels like too much some days. I don't know what to do John, I'm downright miserable!!" you exclaim, your eyes once again welling up with tears

"..Oh sweetheart, come here" he opens his strong arms, pulling you in for an emotionally charged hug

John isn't the greatest at discussing feelings, so he offers comforting words instead

"Shh, everything's alright... I'm here, Johnny's got ye" he soothes, stroking your hair as you quiver in his arms, your body wracked with sobs

"I-It's just one of those days where I don't know how I'll ever b-be -*hic*- happy" you croak out, clutching his body close to yours

John draws in a deep breath before responding: "I understand how you feel- I've had plenty of those days meself," he confides in you

"But we can't let them stop us from living. Sometimes your perspective gets all screwed up and ye can't see through the bullshit your mind hurls at you,

"But one bad day is still just twenty-four hours, ye know? It helps me to think about that- that this too shall pass," he reassures you candidly, rubbing gentle circles into your back

"I know it seems impossible right now, but you'll- we'll," he corrects, "get everything sorted- including that pretty little 'ead of yours- and you'll feel like yourself again sooner than you know. Got that?" he asks

you simply nod, beginning to calm down but unable to speak just yet, and nuzzle further into John

he squeezes you tightly: "Y/N- ye know I know what it feels like to be stressed and depressed, and I just.." you hear John start to choke up and feel him tremble as he begins to cry, himself

"-ah don't ever want ye to feel hopeless like I 'ave, you know I'd take it all away in an instant if I could" he says, trying and failing to mask the wavering of his voice

"Even if it meant I'd have to take it all on meself instead, I can handle it- I'd do anything for you Y/N, I've never loved anyone or anything like I do you and it hurts me to see you in such pain"

John's voice breaks at the end of his monologue and you hear him sniffle

with that, you finally speak up: "Oh John, I'll be okay- I promise. Thank you for changing my perspective, it's just so difficult to pull yourself out of despair sometimes.. some days are just so.. heavy" you say, pulling back and looking up at him; "I didn't mean to make you cry too"

you dry your face with your sleeve and John takes your hands in his

"Y/N you know I understand completely, and I want ye to come right to me when the days get too overwhelming- I'll be sure to set your perspective straight. Don't you ever worry about making me upset or anythin' of the like, okay love?"

you nod- "And besides, I ain't crying" John says somewhat defensively and shifts his gaze away from you, still clutching your hands in his larger ones

you chuckle softly and roll your eyes at him- "Whatever you say Johnny.. you can't fool me, I know you're a softie" you tease, booping him gently on the nose

he pulls one hand back from yours, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly- "Yeah, yeah, that's enough" John says, expression hardening as he tries to disguise the grin making its way across his face

you place a hand on his cheek and turn his face to look at you

"Thank you, John. I feel so much lighter now"

"Ahh, don't mention it darling. Anytime at all- you mean the world to me. I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, John." ♡

George:

to your boyfriend George, it's a day like any other

he walks down the hallway to your shared bedroom, fizzy drink in hand, intent on watching some cartoons in bed with you

he knocks and upon hearing your, "Come in!" enters the room with an "'Ello, gorgeous!"

"Room for one more? I was thinking we could have a cartoon marathon this evening- what do ye think?" he proposes, approaching you and taking a sip of his drink

you hesitate a moment before answering: "Yeah, that's fine Geo" you say flatly, punctuated with a quiet sniffle

"...Are you feeling alright, dear? What's got you down?"

George sets his glass on the nightstand and sits beside you in bed

"Nothing's the matter babe, I'm okay" you mutter unconvincingly, avoiding eye contact

George studies your face, just now noticing the red and puffy appearance of your eyes

"Have you been crying..?" he asks gingerly and places a gentle hand on your cheek

you finally turn to look at him, sighing: "...yes but before you freak out, it's really nothing- just one of those days, you know?" you offer George a weak smile, downplaying your stress

"Y/N." he begins sternly, "I can tell when something's wrong. Do you want to tell me about it, doll?"

"I would, but there really isn't much to talk about... it's just life, I guess. Nothing specific" you shrug

"It's not 'just' anything- if it matters to you, it matters just as much to me," George reassures you sweetly

"Thank you Geo, but I don't know what to tell you. I just feel...tense and pessimistic, you know?"

George nods in understanding: "Really just that sort of day then, eh? That's the worst- ye can't target anything to fix it," he sympathizes and you nod in agreement

"Tell you what- I don't care if it takes all night, I'm gonna do whatever it is I can to make you feel comfortable and calm, all right? Starting with getting some food in ya- I know that always makes me feel better" he grins

you offer him a half-hearted smile, as much as you can muster in your state

"Of course it does, George" you chuckle, "that sounds lovely"

George disappears down the hall and returns just moments later kicking the door open, arms full of snacks and sweets (including jelly babies)

your face lights up at the sight of him

he unloads everything, opening his arms and dumping it all on the bed for you to choose whichever item you please

"Thank you, Geo" you giggle and grab one of the bags of crisps, opening it and promptly reaching in for a handful to munch on

"Anything else I can get you, darling? Anything at all?"

"Hmm.. no, I don't think so-" you start, but George cuts you off before you can finish your sentence

"Oh I know! You need a nice, warm cuppa- that'll be sure to soothe you. Be right back, love" he says and with that, he's out the door once more

you wait patiently in bed for a few minutes and graze on the treats George had brought you until he reappears, a ceramic mug in one hand and a box of tissues in the other

"Here you are dear," he says, handing the mug to you and placing the tissues on your nightstand- "I thought you might need these"

"You really didn't have to do all this, my love- thank you. It really warms my heart" you tell him earnestly, "I already feel so much better"

George beams at you: "Of course gorgeous, it's no trouble at all. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Hmm..." you contemplate his question for a moment before responding- "Just one more thing, I think"

"What is it, Y/N? Anything at all, just say the word"

"Get over here and cuddle me!"- you lift the blanket and invite him to lay with you

"I thought you'd never ask" George says cheekily and hops into bed, pulling you close to his chest to spoon you

(and reaching over you to grab an overflowing handful of crisps, shoveling them into his mouth)

you can't help but laugh and snuggle into George, your worries forgotten

"Thank you, Geo. You're the best"

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't look after my (girl/boy/love)? And besides, it's no inconvenience at all- don't you worry. I love you, Y/N"

"And I love you, George" ♡

Ringo:

Ringo has always made you feel safe, heard, and loved, and he's assured you that you can confide in him whenever you need to

he's made it a point to tell you to come to him whenever you need him, and that he'll drop everything to help you in any way he can

on one particular evening, nothing seems to be going right for you

you're beyond stressed and overwhelmed, and you can't help but break down from the pressure and weight of the world

at first when you step out into the living room, face red and tear-streaked, Ringo is oblivious

he carries on watching the television, gaze locked onto the technicolor screen

"Ritchie..?" you say meekly; "What is it, my love?" he calls out, eyes still fixed on the telly

upon seeing how invested he is in the program, you suddenly feel like a burden despite what he's told you numerous times before about coming to him when you're upset

"Umm.. nevermind" you squeak out, about to turn and drag yourself back to the bedroom when Ringo finally whips his head around to face you

his wide eyes take in your pathetic, hunched frame- hair tousled, eyes puffy and blanket pulled tight around you

"Oh my- sweetheart, are you okay? What's wrong?" he scrambles up off of the sofa and rushes over to you, panic evident in his expression

he places his hands on your shoulders and looks you over, eyes searching yours for answers

"Yeah, I'm okay" you sniffle, "but.. remember all those times you told me I should come to you if I'm ever stressed out?"

"Of course I do love, what's got you so stressed?" he inquires delicately, rubbing your shoulders

"Life, existence, everything!" you confess, exhausted

"Oh honey, everything's alright- I promise! Come here" Ringo beckons you closer and smothers you in one of his renowned bear hugs

you begin to sob quietly into his shirt

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me today, I don't want to burden you-"

"Love, don't you ever worry about being overbearing or burdening me- I am always ready and willing to help you, please understand that. Managing your stress is so important and I'm thankful that ye came to me. That's what I'm here for" he reassures you as he holds you close to him

you sniffle and tremble, your tears soaking through his cotton t-shirt

"Shh, everything's going to be fine. It's okay to cry" Ringo soothes

"It's just a bad day. It doesn't mean that everything is falling apart, I promise. I'm right here. We've got this, together- you and I could take on the whole world if we had to!"

you pull back from his embrace and gaze into his eyes; "Really?"

"Of course we could, baby! Now let's get you to bed, how about that?"

you nod and Ringo lifts you up, carrying you bridal style to your shared room and setting you down gently on the bed

he swaddles you in a blanket burrito and proceeds to kiss your tears away, peppering your face with little smooches that make your heart flutter and your mind go blank

"Ritchie!!" you exclaim, giggling

"What? Kisses are the best medicine"- you agree, as long as they're his at least

once he's finished administering your treatment, he asks: "What else can I fetch ye, cutie? Anything?"

"You!"

"Why, of course!" Ringo's grin widens, lighting up his face as he pulls you close to him in bed

you rest your head on his chest and close your eyes, the dull thud of his heartbeat lulling you into a serene state of mind

for the remainder of the night Ringo refuses to leave your side, even when you drift off into peaceful slumber at last

"I love you, Y/N" he mumbles, the last thought occupying his mind before he too dozes off to sleep ♡

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