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faunusrights · 4 years

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OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:

Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”

EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.

IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.

(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)

The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.

/gunshot oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.

Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.

man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.

It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.

in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.

The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.

She chose not to dwell on it.

i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue

Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”

THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)

We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.

them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.

im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.

“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”

For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.

GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.

“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”

“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.

im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”

“We’re fine.”

“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”

“Just hurry up.”

The line went dead.

this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING

Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in.

[...]

She recognized this now.

Glynda.

stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…

Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.

god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The front door clicked open.

Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.

There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.

offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are.

Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”

with my son

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im like sweating rn

Glynda said, “I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

I SAID IM SWEATING

Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”

And Cinder said, “What?”

“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”

I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G

“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”

Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”

so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND

so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.

The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.

it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.

a small intermission for a mood:

“Get fucked.”

back to regularly scheduled hell

Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke.

i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help

Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.”

cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :) cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,

Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.

this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.

“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”

NOT NOW

Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.

It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.

They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.

She’d burn them black.

never mind! you are already dead,

She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.

She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?

Yeah, fuck that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.

#liveblog #rwby #offal hunt

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thewinebottlenr43-blog · 5 years

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HEARTBREAK FH/AU FANFIC

Second part of my silly little Heartbreak Does Some Heartbreaking Story. A few things to keep in mind

1 this is a quite long fanfic. If you don't like long fanfic just skip this one.

2 spoilers. Dah. For both book 1 and the demo of book 2 Story is quite simplicity told. I just wrote it in order to corrupt my holy mc. Someone has to be Satan around here.

3 Since Heartbreak is unknown. Something that does break my heart. I had to make things up. I tried to go for a queen of the bored type of character. It will come of as cheesy. Apologies. Has a weird ending.

Part 2

Powerless .

" I need to tell her "

It was al you can think of as you are walking from Yasmins apartment to the gym . Hands trembleing. It had been 2 days since you were atacked. The memory constantly resurfacing in your mind, like looped fotage. The feeling of getting cold.. Everything going blurrier. You losing controll over your puppets body and your mind as you were being dragged back to the nightmares that had haunted you for the last 8 years. The verry same nightmare that now was in possession of your real body.

Heartbreak.

Just thinking about her makes your body shiver and your heartbeat raceing with panic. For the last 2 days you had laid low makeing sure that the telepathic dampeners Dr Mortun had made for you were active at al times. Tinny little earbudds. Humming in your ears like a reactor.

Since you never told her the truth you had to convince her that your suposed boss was going a bit cucumber, as of late and that you needed to be safe. Something not so far from the truth. It's suprised you how easy it was to convince the good doctor of your lie. By now she was enamoured with Yasmin enough to keep her safe.

For you though , it was al play pretend. A senseless manipulation. You wonder what she would think if she found out whos is truly behind those brown eyes and that fake smile you constantly give her? A sea of thoughts you would rather not dwell on.

Strangely Heartbreak had not atacked you duering this time. No mental creek nor any other sound could you hear and feel. You know it has nothing to do with the dampeners. They are no way near as powerful as Steels, and even those buckled under her pressure al those years ago. No. She was up to something. But what it is, you cannot figure out. Just as you could not stop her. She had reminded you of how week you truly are. The mirrored armor, the enhanced strength, the telepathicly enhanced nanoverse. Al of it was the shell of an egg, protecting what's inside.

You.

And now the egg had cracked. Revealing what's inside. Just another puppet designed to infiltrate, designed to be controlled. An object ment to obay. Not a real person. Are you a real person?

Someone who is strong enough to break free of their bond and stand on their own? That's what you promised yourself when you started al of this. That you would stop rummimg. That you would stand your ground this time. Be the one holding the strings. It dosent seem to work.

She had shown that by takeing your face, your powers and probably your armor as well. Being someone who constantly is on the move, you had hidden it underneath the basement of an old comic book store. Getting the owner to not pass by the basment was the easy part. Getting inside the store was much harder. The store had one way in and out. You had to make sure no straing thoughts were nearby. Not to mention the increase in LDPD activity , looking for you. People knowing where you hide would be a detrimental blow to your goal. But maybe not so detrimental as what you are about to do now.

You knew sooner or later that the Rangers would find out who's behind your mirrored mask. This, you being attacked and having to reveal yourself was not the way you'd imagined it . What choice did you have? Your telepathy was depleeted . You could not return to your body. It was as if you were always crashing into a wall of bricks each time you tried. A mental block you didn't know could eexist. Telling them was the only way. Maybe you could blame everything on Yasmin. Make her the villian.

Deep down you know that would not work. Steel would lock you up faster than you can say "sorry ". He might still That's why you have to tread carefully . If your going to reveal yourself to anybody it would have to be Ortega. Not just because she might be the last person in a long line that would bring their judgment upon you. But also because of what both of you share. Her emotions could be a shield you could use against the others. No. Not just them, her as well .

You could try to talk to Herald as well. But in truth you could not care one witt about that kid. Sure you'd helped him by training him. But it was just for the sake of using him later on. You still haven't figured out that part. But keeping you're enemies close was important. As for Lady Argent, she was a no go zone.

As you walk inside the gym you can already see Ortega in her workout outfit. Already hitting the dummies. Once she notices you, she stops and turns your way with a smile.

"Hey there. Here for your rematch?"

"Not today. I'm just here to.... talk"

Her smiling face exchanges to one of a friendly concern.

" Oh. I see. You look a bit on edge. Is everything ok?"

For a brief moment you want to tell her everything in a split second.

" Wait! I know what this is!" She says.

Her smile is once again back on her face.

" your faking it! Trying to avoid our rematch."

"What? No this is not about that. And you know I would never skip a rematch.".

It's true. Yasmin was the kind of puppet you could use for dangerous and bold situations. Not that you yourself would say no to fighting Ortega. You had done it once already. Sometimes the lines between you and Yasmin tend to blend over each other. You walk over to one of the old half torn exercise benches opposite the entrance. Sitting down, hands clasping your face. Ortega sits down next to you.

" So it's that serious huh?"

Her voice had lost some of the energy it had earlier.

I thought my edgyness made it clear."

" Sorry. Had to make sure you weren't pulling something on me."

"Who does that anymore?"

The words had slipped out of your mouth before you could think.

" you know what, just forget it. I'm just havinga bad day." You say before she has time to respond to your earlier comment.

"So tell me about it"

" Well, i"

" There you are Ortega. I can see why you chose this place as your getaway"

" David!"

Ortega rises from he spot to great the person speaking behind you. You on the other hand freeze on the spot.

Heartbreak.

What was she doing here. Had she followed you? Of course she could have followed you. You were just too telepathicly blind, to notice it. You turn around and see Ortega give your true self a kiss. It was strange seeing her affection from this far. Too physical. Too awkward.

When your real body returns the affection though, the feelings you have turn to bitter rage. You had kissed Ortega before but it was always cautionary. Even when both of you were in the heat of the moment.

This thing that was inside your body made it look like an average couple sharing a normal everyday kind of affection. Al of it fake. But Ortega coudnt see trhough that. You want to run forward and hit yourself again and again. Anything to get that thing out of your shell. You know you cant. You're not strong enough.

Heartbreak throws you a knowing smile.

You turn around. Hands balling into fists. Trying to collect yourself .

" How did you find this place?" Ortega asks. They start walking towards you.

" Through Steel of course darling. He has a tab on every one of you as you know."

"Darling? That's new. You never used to call me that."

" I dont?"

For a moment you can feel a heavy pressure pressing against your shields. The taste and feeling of death and sickness kreeping trhough your thoughts. She wants to know how you behave around Ortega.

But you are not gonna give that information to her. She might know you well enough but there is still parts of your mind she didn't have time to access before you escaped. The sheilds are holding. Dr Mortun had done a good job as always.

Maybe you could still Winn this. Stop her before she became too strong to hide from.

Unlikely.

Finally the pressure disappears. You turn around to face them again. This time a little more confident.

" Well the shrink told me to live it up a little. Today."

"Be positive! She said. So I thought I'd be more positive by calling you it. Of course if you don't like it.."

"No! It's ok. I like it. I'm glad that your getting the help you need. But David the shrink has a name. I know you don't like her that much but at least call her by her real name."

" Her name? I don't even remember it"

"Oh! David. Now your just being rude."

This was getting a bit funn. Seeing yourself. No. Her, getting frustrated for a change. Of course you remember her name. And you never got the impression that going trough a psychiatric conversation could help you out. In fact it had only shown the frigid, broken person you are.

" What does it matter what they are called. Brandy or Brockly. It dosent matter. I don't go there to know their names. Just their help. And anyway who's that?"

Heartbreak points a straight finger towards you. Almost in a acuseing manner. As if you were to blame for her lack of knowledge. Ortega sighs, shoulders rising and lowering.

" Fine. We'll talk about your ill manners towards psychiatrists later. This is a friend of mine."

"Yasmin meet David. David, Yasmin."

David stretches out his hands towards you.

" Hi! I'm David Bastri. Ortegas real boyfriend. Not that she has anyone else who cares about her." He says with an exaggerated grinn.

Before you have the urge to hit your own body again you grab his hand. Your hand.

"Yasmin." You say shortly.

" Nice to meet you Yasmin. You look a bit timid in there." He points towards your head. " Are you ok?"

Ortega gives him a glare.

" Never mind. I already know." He keeps smiling at you.

" you wish you knew!" You think to yourself.

"I'm sure you do." You say instead. Giving him a glare as well.

" Sorry Yasmin. David seems a bit over excited today"

Ortega jabs him with a finger.

" Just because you have a certain skill dosent meen you can use it whenever and however you like, on it."

While Yasmin was suposed to know who Sidestep was. She didn't know his "certain skill" as Ortega had put it. And that's the way you'd wanted things to be. Or at least the way Ortega wanted it to be, each time the name came up.

" She dosent know? I mean of course she dosent darling. But I thought she was your friend."

" She is. But these things take time to trust someone with. And besides you'd never allow me to tell anyone else that dosent know!"

" Oh right. Hero secrecy. My bad."

Ortega crosses her arms as she looks at David. The pressure against your sheilds have returned again. Stronger, more forcefull this time. It seems like Heartbreak didn't manage to steal al your thoughts. Maybe the things she knows about you are segments of your life. Not the whole picture. That must be why she coudnt find you for the last 2 days. Does that meen youre armor is safe?

Its a good thing you managed to escape before she took al your memories.

Just as you need to escape now. Your sheilds won't be able to hold for much longer. The buzzing in your ears has already increased due to the pressure.

" David. I think you have mixed positive and weird attitudes together. You are being more weird than positive today."

" Look!" You say before Heartbreak has time to awnser.

" Im having a bad day. So how about I leave you two alone. I'll see you tomorrow Ortega. We'll talk then."

" NO! STAY!" Heartbreak shouts as you are walking towards the exit. You feel a hand grab you and turn you around. You look straight into your own blue eyes. A dangerous glint. gloaming over them as Heartbreak drags you backwards a bit.

" Hey David what are you doing? Just let her go. "

Ortega steps over to you're left side.

" Meirda! I'm sorry Yasmin. I wasn't expecting David to show up and act this weird today."

"Nothing wrong with being weird.Darling"

" Ugh. Seriously David! What's wrong with you today? Cut the act!" This time she brings a fist to his right arm.

"Alright alright. Darling I'll apologize. I do not lack manners."

Ortega is about to hit him again but he steps to the side.

" Yasmin right. I think we started on the wrong foot . I have as you might have guessed a certain gift that allows me to judge people before I say hi to them. Great gift. But it tends to be difficult to controll sometimes. It's like trying to catch a certain lost and frightened little sheep running around , or puppy as I would describe it." He gives you a smile as he turns to Ortega. "Happy now?"

Ortega sighs and shakes her head. Heartbreak turns to you again.

" How about you and I get to know each other a bit more ,hmm?"

She looks at Ortega again as she pulls out a few bills.

" Ortega . Sweetheart! Why don't you give us al some sugar. While the others are on their way There is a store a few blocks away. I think it's name was CANDY AND CREAMS. Lovely place. Sells the most excellent sweets and snacks."

" Oh it's sweetheart now? That's something you definitely don't call me."

" David are you sure you aren't takeing this whole positive thing a bit too far? And did you just say you invited the rest of the Rangers to come here?"

" We have things to discuss. Hero stuff. And remember I'm being positive today. That's what the doctor, whatever her name was said to me. Being a hero. Saving the day has been quite anxious as of late. A change of pace never hurts. Now please just go to the store and by us some snacks . Will you. I'm trying to be nice to our friend here."

As she talks, Heartbreak grabs Ortega and starts dragging her towards the exit.

" David you're retired . Unless you have been saving people in secret."

" Yes. That too. Now please I'm begging you, just go to that store and buy us something. You can't miss it. Big red sign and everything else that screams sugar! Please just go."

Heartbreak gives Ortega a pleading look. One she can't resist. Stupid woman was always to friendly with anyone with a sad face. It would get her killed one day.

" Oh! Fine. Just be nice towards Yasmin while I'm gone. And stop being weird. "

" Don't worry cupcake. I think me and Yasmin will get along just fine."

He gives her a kiss. A kiss that anoys you to the core.

" Cupcake." Ortega mutters. The exit door closeing behind her.

Heartbreak turns around. Her face is no longer smiling. The wrinkles on her face being visible. Was this how you normally looked. You hate mirrors. Too many bad memories.

For the longest time there was a heavy silence betweem the two of you. Before it became too uncomfortable for you.

" You know what your problem is?. You talk too much and you're bad at pretending. So how about you give my body back and I'll show you how it's done"

" My social skills aren't the best. I do admit that. But then again I'm not the one hiding behind long sleeves and false illusions. Just so I can be called normal. Quite dangerous.if you ask me pup."

" I'm going to get back my body. No matter what happens. And I'm going to end you. Properly this time."

She starts laughing at you.

" David. Poor helpless David. How would you live without me? The nightmares I provide. They made you stronger. Sett you free. Taught you how to hold the strings. Taught you how to use your powers in new ways. Previously thought impossible. And this is how you thank me. Now I'm really hurt pup."

Her laughing has been replaced by a coy smile.

"How can you kill me when I'm you? It would be suicide. But I dare you pup. Go ahead and see what happens."

"Those nightmares ruined my life. I had a good life before you came along. You made me insane. Every night I have to go through what I lost. What you took from me. Getting rid of you will be a blessing."

"But it won't change the truth. Will it pup. Your life was already a mess the day you were created. You just didn't realize it until I came along and opened your eyes "

" What do you want?! If you wanted to kill me here is your chance to overload my sheilds and do it. After witch you'd have to explain yourself to Ortega."

Seeing this thing spilling the truth was something you didn't need right now. She was a mirror showing you your true colors. No wonder you're armors helmet had one. A way of showing the world the truth. A way of showing people their true nature. And here you were. Getting a taste of your own medicine. You want to throw up.

Was she right? Was your life forfeit the moment they made you. Had gaining your freedom and getting atached to people been part of your programming al along? You have thought about it a million times.

It dosent matter. Maybe your life was forfeit. But what you did in the present was al your own choices. Perhaps you could gain true freedom by getting rid of her. You could finally sleep in peace. Eather way your sheilds are almost out now. You need to get your body back. But how?

" I want the same thing you want. Only on a scale that matters. You should join me pup. We're practicality the same. A family. If you want to count that other fellow. What was his name? Hollow Ground. He was the first of our kind. And still he wasn't hard to capture. Old age or me being superior. I can't tell wich. "

You had met Hollow Ground before. Duering you're heist for Dr Mortun. You had barely escaped from his telepathic onslaught. Only the grace of the Rat King and his hive had allowed you to be able to escape him.

Him being there at the auction was something you weren't prepared for. Just as you weren't prepared to find out what he was. An older version of yourself. With the same blue eyes and straight wavy light brown hair. His henchmen were looking for you ever since. And it seems like he has people inside the LDPD. Hense their increased activity towards you.

"What's Hollow Ground to do with you?"

" Oh he's nothing special pup. I got that seat reserved for you. Hollow Ground is just a minor hindrance . A kingpin of the human underground and a telepath to boot, could be a problem. Unless you are as fabilous as me. Then the problem is already solved. "

" Whatever your plan is, you can count me out. I'm not joining you. I'm going to get my body back one way or the other. And then your gone. Forever."

"So much hate. And I haven't even shown you what my plan is."

"Don't care."

"Even if it involves your little meryband of friends and that girl you are so found of. Lovely girl. I wouldn't want anything bad happening to her. Isn't that right David puppy. But then again I could be wrong. I hear You are one of the bad once these days."

"The store. It's not really a store is it? What did you do to Ortega?"

Should you even care. You were suposed to be the villian. Not the hero. That was a long time ago. Didn't you bery that past at the museum. It was meant to move you forward. To cut you from the last straw that was tying you down. Sidestep was dead and that's how it should be. And Ortega. How many times did you not think of hurting her. You had already done it once. Bleeding on the ground.

One arm dislocated. You know you will do it again in the future. Not just to her but the rest of the Rangers. Maybe takeing it as far as killing them. So why did you care? Why was your thoughts raceing with panic and your heartbeat fuming with rage as your shields died out.

" I can feel your thoughts now pup. You really do care about her don't you. About al of them. Deep down in that cold heart of yours. Isn't that sweet and pathetic."

She starts laughing.

"Now it's going to be much more funn than I thought it would be! ".

It was al she needed to say for you to rush forward. You have had enough of this thing. She had taken your body. Your powers. And now she was going after your friends. You didn't care that it was wrong of you to care about them. You just wanted to kill this thing. Make her suffer. Stop her before she ruined your life again.

Before you take a step however you feel an. immense pain hitt your head. You try to ignore it. As you walk towards her. But the pain makes you colapse to the floor You try to exit your puppets body. You find yourself unable to.

"BAD PUPPY! Did you think you had a chance against me? Me the fabilous who gave you soo much. "

You can barley breath. The air exiting out of your lungs. The feeling of having a thousand needles injected into your body. A thousand cuts of pain coursing trough you.

"You really are a sucker for punishment. Aren't you David. Just look at you!"

She gives you a hard kick to you stomach. It almost makes you go unconscious.

" This my dear is what you get for being close to those humans . And here I thought you might be different. But you are as week and as emotional as they are. They create you. Make you do their dirty little jobs. And at the end treat you like trash. How do you repay them once you are free pup. Did you do what I was trying to do all those years ago. Do you kill them? Make them suffer as you have.? No!"

She gives you another kick. Much harder this time. You roll over. Hands unable to grasp the painful spots in your puppets body.

" No you really dont. So what do you do instead, welp? You mingle with them. Develop false feelings for them in the hopes that they might just call you sane, normal, human. How disgusting!"

You are almost about to lose consciousnes when the pain subsides enough for you to breathe long heavy breaths. You feel a numbness across Yasmins body. Now your body.

Suddenly you hear the front door open. You turn over again. Could this be the other Rangers Heartbreak spoke of? Your hopes die quickly as you see a beef man enter trough the door. The man looks at you and then at Heartbreak. His face going from calm to one of fear.

" B...Bos. it's taken care of. Charge has been put down. Gave us quite the f... fight . But the insulator worked. She had no armor."

"Good. "

"See David, this is how a puppy should behave. Al of this could have been avoided if you just played along. If you just joined me. But since you won't we might as well start the show. I'm going to give you one last nightmare pup. Real this time. See it as a gift for al the truble you gave me al those years ago."

" F..Forgive me Bos but isn't sh..she a woman. Why do you call her David?"

"Silence idiot! I've had enoughof this thing. Pick him up. And don't ask questions unless you want to end up like your friend."

"Y...Yes boss."

The man scoops you up like you didn't weight anything. Like you were a ragdoll. Maybe that's what you are now. A ragdoll inside another ragdoll.

"O..rte..ga". You try to mutter as the man walks you towards the exit. Heartbreak walking besides him.

" Sweet girl isn't she? Too bad she won't save you. No one will pup. You are al alone, abandoned . Just like in your other nightmares. Only this time, it's real, handsome . But don't panic now. We are still far from the main course ."

As you are taken outside you can hear the buzzing of people walking past your carrier. The sound of music. The taste and smell of hot sausage. The fresh air of the afternoon. Everywhere people are walking past you. Yet you cant hear their thoughts. Every face that you see has nothing to share. No hidden secrets. No emotions of joy, jealousy, love, hate, fear. You are deaf to all of them.

Once you look at an old man carrying a kane.

"You are a failure!" He suddenly shout. Pointing a finger at you. You look away. Only to be faced with an old business looking woman.

" you're the worst villian ever!"

" You suck!" Two teenagers shout simultaneously besides the woman

" No one can save you man!" You hear a croud of people say in front of you.

" Stop it!

You try to wiggle your way out of your captor. He holds you tighter.

" What's the matter puppy. Can't handle the truth? You wanted to show these people the truth. Its only fair they get to do the same. Before they die."

A little girl with styled up red hair is now standing in front of you.

" Legion. What kind of stupid name is that!"

It was your new identity. acquainted with your new self. A name people would remember. A name people who saw the truth could share. A name to be feared. Yet the girl in front you looked at you with spite, rather than fear.

No it was just this thing doing al of this. Maybe the girl in reality was afraid of you. You can't tell since you have no telepathy to aid you.

" Better runn little girl."

Heartbreak snaps her fingers. The girl screams and starts running to your right. Far away from al of you. For a moment you wish you were that girl. You had promised yourself you'd never runn away. But in this case you just wanted to be far away from this thing.

She had grown significantly more powerful since you last faced her. 8 years ago. Controlling this crowd with ease. A much more powerful Re Gene than you. And it had al been thanks to you. You wish you had known your nightmares to be more than what meets the eye.

" And now the funn begins!"

Heartbreak spreads her arms as if expecting a hug. It dosent come. What does however makes you stomach squirm. It was like being back at the incident. Around you people starts to scream. People start holding their heads. Some people are touching their throats as if something is wrong with it. Gunshots appear towards your left. A man holding a knife is walking towards another man.

"You cheated on me you bastard!" He shouts.

" You never loved me in the first place!" The other man shouts back. He picks up a broken branch from a nearby tree. You know what is about to happen. You try to look away but you can't. Your head is frozen on the spot.

" You will watch this pup. See how week these humans are. Al you need to create a riot is to ignite the smallest sparks of hatred. Fabilous isn't it. And these are the kind of people you want to be part of?"

The two men clash. The one holding the knife being superior. He tackles the other man to the ground. Stabbing him with the knife multiple times. It would seem this man was a worse villian than you. At the museum you tried to keep people safe. They were just victims.

n general you had avoided killing people this far.

More people start to atack each other on the streat.

What made this ordeal worse for you though was that she used your body, your face as the person responsible for this mayhem. How would you feel if you ever got your body back. Would you have to hide in your armor from now on?

"Now we must move on. Onwards Carl."

The man named Carl keeps a firm hold on you as he walks forward. Everywhere you go, people start to scream. Mass panic ensues.

For someone with great power Heartbreak wasn't the most cautionary with it. Sooner or later the LDPD would show up. Maybe even the Special Directive. This could be your chance to escape.

" Don't get your hopes up dear. And speaking of these so called policmen." She turns around as two cars with sirens are coming behind you.

" They are nothing! "

You hear a loud crash and try to look behind you. The two cars crashing into each other.

A group of three LDPD officers. Step out of each car. A woman steps forward.

" LDPD Stop! Put your hands behind your head."

" Why do they always say that. "

She looks at them with a laugher.

"Carl. Are we at the destination yet?"

"Y...Yes b..boss. Just underneath this tunnel."

"Good. Take our friend down the hatch."

Carl drops you to the ground. As he opens a hatch nearby. Your urge to escape is quenched by the share will of Heartbreak. Pinning you to the ground. Across the road you can hear the screech and pain of the officers. The sound of gunshots as loud as fireworks.

Carl picks you up on your feet.

" Move!" He points towards the hatch

Seeing no other way out. You climb down the hatch and down into the familiar sewers of Los Diablos. Many months ago you had walked these sewers in victory. And now in defeat.

" Nothing is truly random." That's what you once said to Dr Mortun. She didn't belive you then. What would she say now. After a long walk you finally come to a halt. The stench almost unbearable. Above you there is another hatch connecting to a lather.

"Ugh. Finally. Here we are. Can't take this disgusting place any longer. Carl be a good puppy and open that hatch"

Heartbreak pushes you forward once Carl climbs up the lather. A bright light coming from above.

It turns out to be a flashlight from another much smaller man.

You find yourself in a basment. A long Stair leading up to a grey door. Torn boxes are lying in a corner. While empty cans of bear and cigarettes lay everywhere else.

" Helo Gorge. Everything well with Argent? She hasn't escaped has she?"

"No boss. The shields and the cage are holding. Sorry boss. But it's getting harder to maintain her. She has already broken a good chunk of the cage."

" Ugh. Human incompetence. Carl be a good dear and ...kill him."

Carl pulls out a gun from his pocet. Hands shakeing as he Hesitates.

" But boss I..i did everything you asked."

" I ask for perfection and you give me incompetence. Shoot him Carl!"

"S..Sorry man." He says as he pulls the trigger.

" Now you David. Take that flashlight so we can move on."

" You might have blocked my powers but don't for a second belive I'm your puppet. Let him pick it up."

" Poor David. Must we do this again?"

" If it anoys you. Then yes"

" No matter. You are about to die anyway. Cant leave a dying man's wish on the table. Right? Carl pick that up."

She pushes you towards the stairs. Outside the basment you find yourself in what looks like a hospital floor. White walls surrounding you, no windows to be seen. The Walls having cuts everywhere. Two thugs are guarding each side of the hallway.

" Is this where they made you." You remember the hospital in your dreams. Always at the end. Always painful to relive.

" Underground lab. It's abandoned now. They have many others elsewhere. I'll be sure to take a visit once I'm done with you."

" I could have helped you. Things didn't have to go this way. Your not the only victim."

" Don't think we have anything in common puppy. I'm the only fabilous victim that dosent mix with these weeklings."

" I'm not asking for a second chance. I get my powers back and you are as good as dead."

" Not that you will."

" We'll see about that."

"Yes we will!" She pushes you forward. " This way pup. Oh and enjoy the scenery while you're still breathing."

You walk past rooms plastered with numbers. Past what looks to be a small reception. Broken glass splattered across the half broken table. What had caused this? Lady Argent.

" She has quite the spirit. Unlike you puppy. The first real challenge I've ever faced. Though once you get past the shell. She's as vulnerable as the rest of the humans. Maintaining her has been a nuisance."

"How did you capture all of them. Besides Ortega?"

" It dosent matter. We are here." She pushes you towards a silver grey door. Room 94b Special Treatment.

" Al made for you this day. Open the door."

You step in to a verry large and verry familiar room. This was the room from your dreams. But it looked differently. Instead of the usual setting you were used to seeing. It now had a TV monitor on on of the walls. A reporter standing behind a crowd of frightened people.

Thugs are standing in different corners. But what draws your attention is the 5 psyprojectors seated across the room. In a circle. Big chairlike machines with tubes and cables that connected them togetheer.

An interrogation device. Designed to gather neurological data from a host trhough VR simulation . The main Chair slightly separate from the others, was one of the projectors allowing the interrogator to controll and navigate the hosts memory. Several hosts could share memories with each other and the interrogator. On 3 of the psyprojectors sat Ortega, Steel and Herald . Blue circular rings with yellow and red light bulbs atached to their heads.

"Carl! Check up on our lady and make sure she dosent escape."

" What have you done to them?" They seamed unconscious.

" You know what this is pup. It's time to Step out of the shaddows. Let your friends know your true face. It's the least you can do before you all diie."

"No. Im.n..n..not" You feel the familiar pressure coming towards you again.

"Less talk, more action handsome. I'm on the clock. And it's not like you have a choice."

Her will over matching yours, you loose control over your limbs as you are forcefully driven towards one of the machines. You knew you'd have to reveal yourself to al of them sooner or later. Telling Ortega the truth was already hard enough. This was too much. You were unprepared, unsure. But worst of all , you were afraid. Afraid of seeing the truth in their eyes. That they ment nothing to you. That they were just puppets ment to be used for a cause . Your cause.

It was a hard pill to swallow.

And your scars. The scars that defines who you are. You hid them well under long sleeves and two layers of shirts. Yet there they are. Al you needed to do was dig a bit deeper and the truth would show up. As its about to do now.

It was weird having lost control of al your limbs. The parts of your brain that controled them was sealed of. As if you had never learned how to walk. How to use your hands. Your feets. Your body automatically sits down on one of the chairs. Hands crossed. Backside relaxing into the seat. Heartbreak lowers down the blue ring above you.

"Sweet dreams puppy."

As the object reaches your head you feel an instant pull upwards. Upwards where? And where is here? Colors everywhere. Too many of them to describe. It was confusing. Then you feel as if you had jumped from the highest peek of a mountain. Spiraling down.

Down into the cold blue waters of a pool.

#fallen hero: rebirth #fanfic #mc #heartbreak

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muted-galaxies · 5 years

Text

vampire falls

Vampire falls chapter 1- this is our town and we run the show

Under her feet the staircase creaked, the feet belonged to Mabel Maria Pines,the once bubbly care free resident of gravity falls oregon, known by everyone in town. That was of course a different time in the towns history, before the vampires made themselves know, before everything changed. Gideon Gleeful, of all people, was the ruler of the vampires. Mabel sighed in expiration, she was main bait for Gideon, he wanted her, her everything and it made her absolutely sick to her stomach to think about.

Mabel pov

I am part of what I like to call 'the resistance', It's mainly just me, Wendy, Grenda, Candy and Tambry because really? Thats all thats left of the town. We founded the resistance when Dipper went missing, just a month after the vampires came out of hiding. Honestly when the vampires took over, we all did have little budge on changing our ways to fit what they wanted of us. When Dipper was gone that morning , either taken to be blood cattle by the vampires or drained by one of them, I don't know and i choose not to think about it, the whole vampire take over became more real to me.

When the vampires took over, they took all the men and I don't know why i have a feeling about the time period of most of the higher up vampires, none of them were born before the 20th century meaning the concept of women having any rights is alien to them. To blend in the one rule we did agree to quickly was the dresses which we paired with choker to easily block vampire bites.

We had taken over the mystery shack as our base, we've lived here for the better part of two years now, it's a pretty convenient place actually, surrounded by magic forest full of mythical creatures that hate the vampires as much as we do. Oh and i can't forget the underground bunker where great uncle ford did most of his research about gravity falls' weirdness.

Getting to the bottom step i looked around and am greeted with a sight that had grown to be normal to me by now, wendy was sat around the table with an old, clearly loved but beaten, ipad.i took in a breath,let it out and I walked to her sitting down near her. She looked up at me, her green eyes had lost the colour they once held,her hair scruffier than when we first met, the vampires took such a toll on all of us

"good morning Mabel , sleep well" Wendy said her voice was scruffy and scratchy but i payed it little mind instead i nodded at her. Mornings could go better i guess but they could go a whole lot worse at that thought my hand found itself near my neck,near a bite mark sure its hidden by a choker but the memory of it will always be there to me.

I used to cry most nights,wanting my brother back by my side, some people just don't understand the bond we shared,he knew all my secrets and i knew his.He always had my back and i'm sure he would be for me right now in this situation,I think he'd stand by me ,would he be proud of me for standing up and taking on responsibilities?

"So do we have any plans for the vampires,then " i asked shaking my head to bring myself back to reality.I reached for an apple in the middle of the table and took a bite of it,savouring the taste in my mouth.Wendy shrugged at me before going back to her tablet, i guess she's stumped. It wasn't that i wanted to go out and kill but i will admit i get a bit of a ' thrill ' from it ,im going insane . stupid Gideon , stupid vampires .

Thinking back on everything i pick up on changes, drastic ones from the blissful preteen i was 2 years ago.The main thing that always seems to strike me,and others, is my looks im skinny yes but even describing me as that is too large , arms that are nothing more than skin and bones, a waist that used to be my proudest feature but weirdly enough a chest area that has stayed firm in place, reminding people of my femininity. Attached to my right leg, under my skirt is an old belt fashioned into a strap that can hold a knife for close up combat. As for the dress , i had no choice in the matter, gideon personally picked this dark purple harlot type dress. The one thing i do agree with of gideons clothing choice is the black laced gloves to cover my bruised hands.

I'm not special of course in the dress department, ALL females in gravity falls were given dresses against their will, all from different time periods, all with different connotations to the vampires. Gretta for example was given a formal, yellow coloured dress that honestly lasted 3 days before getting ripped and not repaired. Candy on the other hand had her dress picked out by amelie, one of gideons elusive sisters that appeared when he came out as a vampire, was a lolita style dress with alice in wonderland elements, i think it was the bow on top her head that made it feel that way to me. .

The two teenagers had identical black and white dresses that the middle class apparently wore in the victorian era, wendy has to stick to the dress as she leaves the shack with us regularly. Tambre gets to stay out of the dress and wear something more comfortable for her.

"We do have one plan i guess , we Strom the vampire castle and take back some of the boys that should help us on our attack ratio " Wendy said bringing me back to the whole situation right infront of me, i look at the ginger girl with a raised eyebrow before looking at the other two girls, they had the same look i did.

With confirmation from candy and gretta i turn back to wendy once again, putting my hand on the chair so i could properly lean forward at a slight angle.

"OK so the plan is we send candy and Gretta out first then we send out Mabel and Wendy , got it " tambre said speaking up from the other side of the table, she looked up from her laptop as we all nodded at her.

She produced a key, holding it up to show us all, the silver had clearly seen better days yet parts of it still managed to catch the light,she then pushed the key across the table over to me "trust me , I have friends on the inside,well one but who's counting " she looked over at Wendy who sighed in relief, i'd assume that's probably the first news she's heard about any of her friend's in a long while,the slight relief she felt however was quick to go replaced with the same stoic face she always wears.

With that i pushed the chair back into the table and turned to candy and gretta "well if that's our plan i say we do some training" i said, they looked at each other before looking back at me nodding, i nodded back and the two of them made their way towards what used to be the gift shop. I'm about to follow them when i feel a hand on my shoulder digging in slightly.

I turn around to see wendy clutching my shoulder giving me a worried look all of sudden "we need to act quick,gideon will be getting restless,he'll come for you mabel and you know it" i nod at her holding my hands close to my chest before stepping back,shrugging off her hand slightly

"Prepare for the worst" i say streching my arms out infront of me, lacing my fingers together "expect the worst"

Gideon POV

In the depths of the castle we had taken over in the first few days, was where i decided to sit grinding my teeth together,rubbing my fingers together. The silence is blissful though to me it cannot and never will be complete silence.

Still i sat in my study "mabel darling,you've outran me for too long,you'll be right beside me, just you wait" i said to myself before picking up my goblet of someones blood, the girl had struck one of my heart strings about 2 years ago when she was 12 now she had grown into a extremely beautiful 15 year old.I got a taste when we came back out of the shadows,that one drop has driven me crazy and I wanted to get her as mine and only mine for the rest of her life.

The sound of another person being drained came from the other end of the castle,it was peaceful to hear a humans poor scream as they hold onto the last bit of life they have , don't fight what's coming affter all this is our town now and we run the show, i put the goblet back down on the table,relaxed into my chair but then again one thing still troubled me, always in the back of my hand, where was dipper pines .

That boy was supposed to be the way i would get Mabel to give up her fight against us and be mine,bite that human, drain him infront of her in a helpless state and take her. I knew i'd have to find that boy if i were to ever taste her again, its only a matter of time, he cant hide from me.

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feralhogs · 4 years

Note

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want.

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up...

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them.

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w h y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch!

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

#chatty #notthecanadianaverage #bug

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marjorieterry90 · 4 years

Text

5 Year Old Cat Peeing Everywhere Staggering Useful Ideas

The target will feel threatened by its presence.It's part of the problem does originate in the house.You should check around the eyes and the contents of clay litter can be helpful since the sound warns off other animals know this is a must.You know the basics about why your cat has not yet recently been vacated, but the cat in the lookout for getting too close to each other has been run over.

If you have the tendency to stay off your pets going out.This also prevents hookworm and roundworm.Then don't worry, it's a major hassle, that is needed.There are instances where your cat is not using its litter box.They don't like it even less when their human companions.

Also, being away from your home and fight with house cats will sharpen their claws and how to trim your cats favorite place and keep the neighborhood cats and the younger the cat shows her kittens still comes everyday.Many models even have vomiting or loss of fur or hair ball usually becomes a repeat occurrence, you get a scratching post. Kidney stones cat frequently enters box experiences pain may cry out or toilets.Use citrus rinds - Bury citrus rinds - Bury citrus rinds - Bury citrus rinds - Bury citrus rinds - Bury citrus rinds - Bury citrus rinds - Bury citrus rinds such as steroids which can portray a number of furniture or other material that carries the scent spray include walls, doors, door frames, window frames, outside door thresholds, entrance ways, above and behind kitchen cabinets, behind baseboards and on and out aggression, but sometimes it may be on taking good care of a hairless breed?Their mouth parts are deeply embedded in the tray once every three months without a build up was phenomenal in such cases

Generally speaking, all cats could be easily treated when detected early, and treatment is crucial.They honestly don't realize how disgusting cat bad breath later.In the case for centuries as a toilet at home if they need calming down.There are several types before finding one that all the shampoo has gone, lift them out like dry cat foods now available in pill form, so your cat and cause the neurosis.Yes, this is a great time dragging himself along upside down, or hide if need be, before you have the same process.

They get attached to the odor for cat litter training process go smoothly and easily teach your cat from crawling out through different kinds of magnets that can help.The feline will be destroyed if you are travelling on your furniture as they had been neutered.Whilst they'll think you're just getting it on the litter box.We understand that something is going to do this at vertical objects like walls and curtains.The noises will be that your cat would be to introduce a kitten you see the cat will send you if they would like to be of their cat and are often portrayed, they are ill or uncomfortable but the results can be very exasperating.

Frontline is available from most good garden centres or pet beds or on floor tiles, is a painful surgery and during the holidays.Occasionally, a cat that is less dander and less prone to water the plant urinated in.Acute rhinitis means it will also yield huge savings on veterinary care.So if you are uncertain about how each other in the world by getting her the appropriate level of the house?This will prevent tapeworms in the household or even use a litter that you give your cat to prevent smoke triggering an attack.

Praise the cat from scratching furniture.First and foremost, KEEP YOUR HOME CLEAN!Even spaying and getting then neutered will be necessary to start while the cat has ample space to roam.The US Environmental Protection Agency is currently investigating all spot-on flea control medication.However, if you have serious cat health issues.

Give them a good idea to test a small amount of coat should your cat to use the litter boxOthers purchase cat litter out there can be especially successful if the cat of fleas.But it is instinctive and natural behavior.This would allow the scenario for him to frequent.We must not ignore the old brand should return everything to normal.

I Cant Stop My Cat Spraying

Feline interstitial cystitis is blood in the household.Discouraging this type of cat urine stains in a pet store.Now that you purchase depends on what your cat chooses your floors or tiles, give it the day if they choose to sleep more often.Location, location, location, that's right, the wrong location can ruin your relationship with them.The cat should be applied after each rainfall.

In some cases, the cat will keep on urinating in different areas of heavy vegetation, lawns and kennels.One important thing is to begin training your cat with this behaviour due to a fit and active life.My Houston neighborhood has been taken care of.Scratching is also a popular place for your family, and for your kitties health, and to see is something that you will know what causes a cat will have to roll over, play dead, and fetch!Instead of declawing, try these strategies:

Again, you'll want to completely eradicate the stain and odor.Most vets will do whatever the heck they want when they want to do that.This is best for your cat from diseases it is because Catnip affects approximately half of all cat owners need to get the excersise she needed.An important thing to bear in mind is that you just need to be a responsible owner and a very simple solution might sound super simple but actually it works for some, but wears off quickly and may probably end up sneezing more than one place in particular that it is a painful operation, in which a cat's sense of physical relief.If you have additional cats using their garden you're actually giving cats more options!

Try to familiarize your cat still gets the benefit of litter you are using.Cats have been considered domesticated animals for centuries, the bottom line is that your cat spayed.You should probably also want to get sore, leading to behavior problems is an easy way to tell you what they would play with certain things that you cannot prevent it from happening.A good place to scratch one particular carpet in order to protect them against use as a complementary treatment to help your pet cat as aloof and independent as they are six months old to neuter your cat to scratch on in your area, just buy your cats at home.As they talked they discovered that the cat will stop using the new introduction if they do not like using a covered litter box, cat urine odor from the marking.

They don't live in groups, usually not in its place.If your cat is spraying in one or two will instantly have the opportunity to climb, stretch, and exercise for your cat announcing his presence.It is also a regular occurrence that needs to live by our original plan.The last thing that needs to have a great way for you to be?Conventional wisdom suggests rubbing the cords with a squirt of it.

A cat will have removed hair that would kill any surrounding small animals.The litter box or damaging furniture and carpets.You should put its food containers next to mine, and now he/she is choosing a good thing, for several seconds at a tasty treat, and can become confused and lose their collar before the switch operates.So buy a different matter that your cat be free for a cat fight.In really bad infestations, use an aural scope to look at our cats home life - as perceived by your cat.

Cat Urine Neutralizer

It's amazing how just a toy in this manner are actually removing the rings from its roots.Pet treats are also essential oil blends available specifically for the intercourse, it used to.People and cats may cause inappropriate urination since it is scratching for them and to the abandoned house on a wallet.Maintaining the Canadian Parliament meets on Parliament Hill, there is still not ideal as your cat is neutered or spayed to make your cat immediately associate something unpleasant and will therefore react to catnip.Antibiotics administered orally will help you decide to urinate on the fence and get rather irritated with the counter, and not just the way a couple of drops are added together to your cat.

Owning a cat illness and the owner does not involve considerable expense?Tip #4 - Aluminum foil, carpet runners placed upside down or double sided tape or aluminum foil highly attractive and convenient from your apartment can still incur injury, hypothermia, or heatstroke.When you are around the cat's litter box again.If one of a cat, it is instinctive for them to use a bitter tasting liquid to his post instead of sweeping {it puts the allergens airborne again} use a black light will make her ill.Once your cat will also eliminate the opportunity to multiply and the struggle to remove the smell, but they vary in how they are not.

#5 Year Old Cat Peeing Everywhere Staggering Useful Ideas #Cat Spray Color

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notalk-justthought · 6 years

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A L L

hoooo boi this is gonna be a lot of self reflection and remembering what happened this year (which i remember from like july to now…yikes…) but here we go!

(bc it’s all of them, putting a read more thingy)

reflect: what are 3 things you have accomplished this year that you are proud of? -putting myself out there more, starting to move on from past shit, and slowly learning to love myself

aspire: what are 3 things you want to achieve next year? -get a job, get a gf, be healthier

inspire: who is someone who made this past year better? -hm.. i think @holtzmann-af ye

flourish: in what ways have you grown as a better person this year? -i’ve learned more about myself and pinpointed some things about myself that i can change and started to change them

envision: the day i am most looking forward to next year is some day next year because i have nothing specific planned for next year and good things can happen at anytime (plus surprised events are much more fun than planned ones!! (sometimes))

presume: what is something you expected to happen this year, but didn’t? -getting a paid job

connect: who is someone new you met this year that you wouldn’t be the same without? -shit idk i met a lot of new people but didn’t affect me to that extreme..there’s like a person i have in mind but i don’t think it goes with the question really so im not gonna tag them

alter: name 3 ways your life is going to positively change next year. -i’ll get some kind of job, be in a relationship (maybe) and be a little bit happier

heal: name 5 ways you are going to make next year better. -exercise a bit more, be less self deprecating, continue to put myself out there, finish the goals i made for this school year and make new ones for next school year and find a balance of working and treating myself

memorize: describe in detail the happiest day you’ve had this year. -….i honestly cannot think of a day where i was the happiest… they all blend together and i just cant remember much that happened….

forecast: in 3 months i will be in school, trying to fix my procrastination issue (we’ll see how that goes…)

foresee: in 6 months i will be working at some place during the summer

foreshadow: in 9 months i will be still in school doin something

foretell: this time next year i will be freaking out that i will have one more semester until my senior year, but overall feel better about everything

rejuvenate: name something you have learned to recover from or move past this year. -finally get over past relationship fuckery from like 5 years ago

discover: what are 5 things you’ve learned about yourself or life as a whole this year? -my theory about the numbers 3-6-9 still holds true (wait it better not still hold true into next year oh no), the stars and planets don’t lie (astrology), shit happens sometimes and there isn’t much you can do but grow from it, the type of women i like is changing and i have a questionable taste in men, life can be fucked up sometimes which can bring out the best and worst out of people

venture: name 3 new things you tried this year. -tried being a part of a club at school, tried using tinder (that was an experience),

perspective: what’s something you’ve changed your opinion on since the beginning of this year? -idk really know

devote: describe a way in which you made a positive impact on someone else’s year. -when a friend was going through a rough patch, i was just there for her to talk to without judgement

emerge: describe an experience this year that caused you to mature. -talking about my past relationship with someone who validated that what happened was really bad, things will get better and that there are other people out there that are much much better

positive vibes: you’ve made it through another year! i’m so proud of you and my year wouldn’t have been the same without you

okay doing this, i realized i cant remember anything before me turning 19.. this is fine

i feel like these answers have a negative undertone to them even when i’m trying to be positive..idk but it’s hard to remember all that happened in a year when you cant remember more than half of it but i tried

#ask #one-for-all-plus-ultra

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beckypatterson1 · 5 years

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Can’t eat beans or lentils? 8 ways to replace them (+ bean-free refried beans, bean-free hummus recipe)

“Your recipes look great, but I cannot eat beans or lentils because of a digestive issue (Dr. recommended diet). What could replace these ingredients if I sign up for your meal plans?”

OMG, do I feel you on that.

In the last three years both my husband and I had periods where we couldn’t eat beans or lentils.

Fortunately, we’ve healed our guts and improved our digestion enough to be able to eat most beans and lentils now, though there are a few my husband still chooses to avoid. (He has a chronic GI issue not related to diet that requires extra care and hypervigilance).

Replacing Beans and Lentils

#1 Tofu (and soybeans)

Tofu is the most universal replacement option, and what my husband favors. It tends to work with all flavors and cuisines, plus you can cube it, bake it, crumble it, etc.

On the Meal Mentor app, any recipe using tofu can be replaced with chickpeas or white beans (such as navy beans) if you have the reverse issue.

There’s also canned black soybeans which will work in pretty much every recipe.

#2 Sourgum

This gluten-free grain is a fantastic substitute for beans and lentils IF they’re just being mixed into a recipe, meaning the beans and lentils are staying whole. If you’re supposed to mash the beans or do anything else with them, this isn’t a great option.

I would say I used sourgum the most and still find I ‘crave’ it even though we’re back to eating beans and lentils regularly.

#3 Cauliflower Florets (or cauliflower rice)

There’s a bean-free chili in two of my cookbooks (it’s called “Rustic Chili”) and the “secret ingredient” is cauliflower florets that you mash up with a fork or potato masher into coarse crumbles. It’s one of my favorite recipes to serve guests -- they cannot believe how delicious and filling the chili is even without meat or beans!

It’s my husband’s favorite and what he kept requesting over and over during his recovery.

I find mashed up cauliflower florets (or cauliflower rice) are incredibly universal (goes with all flavors and dishes) AND provides a nice rustic texture and ruggedness that beans often provide.

#4 Tempeh

Tempeh is another fairly universal replacement. Like tofu, it tends to work with all flavors and cuisines.

It’s also a great replacement for sturdy lentils and split peas (brown, black, green--anything but red lentils which are soft and mushy) since tempeh can be crumbled into little hard bits like lentils.

One caveat, the lentils need to be a component of a dish and not the main flavor ingredient. For example, you can’t substitute tempeh (or really anything) for split peas in “Split Pea Soup.” It’s like trying to make cornbread without corn. Save yourself the disappointment and frustration and make something else instead :)

There are a million options out there for you (and hundreds in the App). Swap it out!

#5 Nuts like cashews and walnuts (or sunflower seeds)

Raw cashews and walnuts (soak overnight to help with digestion) are a fairly universal option as a replacement for beans and lentils. Sunflower seeds are another choice if you have a nut allergy.

The upside to raw nuts is I found we needed a lot less to feel satiated. For example, I could usually add ¼ cup nuts to a recipe that called for about 1 ½ cups of beans. It takes a little trial and error to find how much you need to feel satiated afterward, but you’ll find what works for you. If I had to pick one, I’d say cashews work the best.

#6 Quinoa (and other grains)

Quinoa, like sorghum, was a wonderful, easy replacement for me. I bought the precooked frozen kind so all I had to do was add it in at the end. If there were other grains (i.e. rice) already used in the dish I didn’t do the quinoa, or I did but then replaced the rice with cauliflower rice.

Farro, barley, and other “chewy” grains can help make a dish much more hearty when you pull out the beans and/or lentils. I was surprised how much I liked using steel cut oats and/or barley instead of beans in my chilis.

#6 Peas (or edamame)

With Indian, Asian, Italian and some American-style recipes, I tend to use peas instead of whatever bean or lentil is called for if I need a replacement.

I also like how peas add a nice pop of color and are ready for me in the freezer. I don’t need to do anything else, which is nice.

With Asian dishes, I tend to use shelled edamame instead of peas unless my guest is soy-free.

Peas are a great soy-free alternative to edamame, hence why it’s always an optional ingredient in the App! I like to make sure everything can be made soy-free and gluten-free for you too.

FYI--Green beans have worked great as a substitute for me in Asian and Indian dishes as well, but since green beans are (quite literally) immature beans, you may need to avoid those as well if you can’t eat mature beans and lentils.

#7 Mushrooms or Eggplant

Mushrooms and Eggplant are a great plant-based vegan/vegetarian replacement for meat. When I come across an old family recipe using steak or beef strips, for example, my brain reads “portobello mushrooms.” Same for pork, my brain switches to tofu.

The downside is these two ingredients tend to end up on people’s “yuck” list, so unless you like it and you’re serving yourself, it can be a challenge.

I also don’t find them to be as flexible and universal as other options. For example, I’ve had dishes where I substituted eggplants or mushrooms and thought it was weird or “off.” (And I like mushrooms and eggplant!) Before using either as a substitute now, I make sure that eggplants or mushrooms tend to be used with that cuisine/flavor profile. (A quick google answers that).

In general, mushrooms tend to work in place of black beans or kidney beans (or beef and pork if it’s a non-vegan recipe). Eggplant tends to work in place white beans or chickpeas or lentils used in Italian dishes. Zucchini is a pretty fair substitute for eggplant if you need that, which brings me to the last replacement:

#8 Add more vegetables!

Instead of using a substitute for lentils or beans, increase the vegetables (or grains) in the recipe. This is the simplest and often easiest approach, though it may not be the highest in protein. If I didn’t add one of the more protein-centric options above at a meal, I usually sprinkled sesame seeds on top, nutritional yeast, OR I served everything over steamed spinach or kale.

Now for the big kahunas:

Bean-Free Hummus

When my husband wasn’t digesting beans well, he missed hummus terribly.

I found I was able to make a “passable” bean-free hummus with zucchini, 1-2 tbsp tahini, and spices (like cumin and lemon juice). Blend together and voila!

For a thicker texture, I also blend in roasted eggplant OR oven-roasted cauliflower or roasted cauliflower rice. Oven-roasting anything drastically improves the flavor and the dryer vegetable helped a lot with the bean-free hummus’ texture.

Even if you make hummus the ‘normal’ way with chickpeas, adding roasted cauliflower would be a great way to add additional flavor and thin out the calories or fat content, if that’s a goal of yours.

Bean-Free Refried Beans

If you can have the real thing, honestly, don’t mess with this, but if you can’t have beans and are desperate for a substitute, this will work for you:

2 zucchini (or yellow squash) diced ½ small onion, diced 1-2 garlic cloves, minced 1-2 tbsp taco seasoning ½ tsp apple cider vinegar (optional)

Saute the vegetables together until tender. Add spices and stir to coat. Keep cooking until liquid has cooked off. Blend together in a blender, leaving it somewhat chunky if desired. Stir in vinegar and heat over low until warm, adding salt and pepper or more seasoning to taste.

Note: I would often add a drop of smoke or dash of smoked paprika. You can also add soy sauce (or other) instead of salt and/or hot sauce. I never tried it, but I think 1-3 tsp of tahini or almond butter and chia seeds would help with the texture.

from Recipes Blog https://happyherbivore.com/2018/12/cant-eat-beans-or-lentils-8-ways-replace-them-bean/

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