#seb speaks

[captaindeadpoet]

Sometimes Lewis wants to be pretty.

He’s not sure how to explain it, really. He’s grown up in a military world, one that wasn’t always forgiving of people who didn’t fit the right image. He’s been raised in a world that told him he was supposed to look a certain way. “Like a man.” That’s what his drill sergeant had said.

It’s a few months out of basic training that Lewis started waxing all of his body hair. At first, it’s an act of rebellion, spurred by all the annoying quips of the commanding officers about being “manly.” Lewis felt he was perfectly manly. He’s a man, isn’t he? He’s met the qualifications on that alone. So it’s not like taking his chest hair out of the equation changed anything. It would grow back.

Except upon leaving the salon, smooth legs rubbing about the rough fabric of his cargo pants, he decided he kind of liked himself better this way.

When he got home, he stared into the mirror for a while, looking at smooth skin still a bit pink from the wax and running his hands over it. His skin felt softer. He felt more comfortable.

Pretty.

So, Lewis just started doing it all the time. After a while, he added a good moisturizing routine to the mix. It made his skin softer and brighter, and that made him smile. He liked being able to go home after work, muscles aching and body sweaty, and take a good shower, put on a face mask, and rub some lotion on himself. It’s relaxing. His private time. A time when he’s not going to be called handsome or sexy or hot, where no one is going to joke about how they can’t believe he even has a separate face wash because “all guys just use that 10-in-1 soap, shampoo, and drain unclogger, right?” This is his time. And in his time, he gets to think.

I feel pretty.

As time went on, Lewis didn’t think about it much more than that. On deployments, he can’t be picky. He’s a Marine, so pretty is never the first thing they think when they see him. It’s not even the tenth or the hundredth. It doesn’t really bother him or anything. It’s just how it is.

Then he met Isami, and for the first time, he wanted someone else to look at him and see pretty.

But he let go of that pretty quickly, too. Isami didn’t need pretty. He needed strong and sturdy. And Lewis knew those things weren’t mutually exclusive, but to so many people, they are.

And most importantly, he doesn’t want to make things about himself when Isami needs him.

Especially once he’s come back again, and Isami’s so relieved to see him. In that moment, Lewis decided he’d be whatever Isami wanted. Isami can see him however he wants.

Then they’re living together with Lulu. Lewis locks himself in the bathroom with a self waxing kit because there’s something embarrassing about going to see someone about it when it’s not really a necessity, and he bites down on a sponge to muffle the noise as he works. He waits until Isami goes to bed to moisturize, because he doesn’t want to bore Isami with his silly routine. If Isami notices any of it, he doesn’t say anything.

As things slowly return to normal and Lulu is going to school for the first time, Lewis takes her shopping for new clothes. Isami’s elsewhere in the store, not much for fashion, so Lewis and Lulu take their time looking through the racks. Everything Lulu picks is full of color and has fluttering elements, perfect for twirling and jumping. It’s cute. She’s a free spirit, and Lewis loves that.

As she’s trying things on, Lewis chances a look at other clothes. Ones in his size. Cozy oversized sweaters. Cute rompers. Pencil skirts and blouses and casual dresses. They’re so colorful. They have nice shape. Lewis wonders.

Would I be pretty in any of these?

“Oh, Mama! That one!”

It’s funny how kids seem to just know things. Lewis turns to look at Lulu and smiles.

“That one won’t fit you, sunshine.” Lewis says with a chuckle.

“Not for Lulu, for Mama!”

“We’re not shopping for Mama, silly! We’re shopping for Lulu.”

Lulu takes the dress off of the rack and thrusts it at Lewis. Lewis takes it, his fingers pinching the fabric and rolling it. It’s a nice dress. Navy blue and dotted with sunflowers. Sleeveless. Button up. Pockets. The skirt would swish around the wearer’s legs beautifully. Lulu pushes Lewis toward the dressing room.

He’s never been able to say no to her.

“Okay, okay, Mama will try it on. Just for a second!”

He does just that. As he stands in front of the mirror and moves the skirt around, he can’t stop himself from thinking.

I feel pretty.

He figures he should probably show Lulu and steps out of the dressing room. It’s not just Lulu standing there, though.

Isami’s looking at him. His eyes travel up and down Lewis, taking him in. Lewis blushed and starts to open his mouth to defend himself.

“You look pretty. Are you getting that one?” Isami asks.

You look pretty.

“I-I was just trying it on for Lulu! I don’t really need…” Lewis trails off, his hands gripping skirt tightly.

“I need it. I like looking at you in it. Do you want to wear other stuff like that?”

Lewis bites his lip before nodding slowly.

“I have some ideas. Want me to show you?”

“You don’t mind?”

Isami shakes his head. “It suits you. Promise me you’ll start going back to a professional for your waxes, though. Your legs look like they hurt.”

Lewis pulls the skirt to try and cover his legs. “Sorry.”

“You should be. I don’t want you hurting yourself. Come on, I want you to try on some other things.”

Lulu hugs Lewis’ waist and smiles. “You’re pretty, Mama!”

Isami’s lips turn up in a barely noticeable smile. “Yeah. Pretty mama.”

Sometimes, Lewis wants to be pretty. And finally, he can be.

#bang brave bang bravern #lewis smith #isami x lewis #seb speaks #idk man I just have THOUGHTS you know?

[signedjehanne]

people on tumblr will literally post things like “you have to eat vegetables and expand your palate i dont care if you are a picky eater because of autism (if i can overcome it you can too)” and everybody will reblog it being like “yes this is true for everybody no matter what” and think its okay. like sorry but that wont work for everyone and there is no one size fits all and some people will never be able to eat these things no matter how hard they try. im only allowed by my doctors to eat recreationally and not for nutrition, because my ARFID is so severe that i get my nutrition solely from a specially made formula drink. your suggestions of “try vegetables roasted!” or “try them in soup!” and assurances of “i did it, you can too!” don’t work for those of us with more severe mental illnesses and disabilities. stop tying a person’s worth to their diet and stop assuming everybody has the ability to do what you can.

#seb speaks #autism #arfid #disability #i am TIRED. #for me #it’s not just sensory issues it’s a subconscious response #that reads unfamiliar foods as poisonous #this has been confirmed by all the doctors and scientists ive spoken to #actuallyautistic #i cannot have it blended to where i cant taste or feel it because even the thought #of those foods elicits panic attacks #because again. my brain reads them as poisonous. whether i want it to or not #you may say ‘this is sooo unhealthy tho’ #and yes! it is! because i’m mentally ill and disabled and i will never be healthy in this department #for as long as i live #i have done 3 rounds of feeding therapy and 1 support group #and countless visits to doctors and specialists and scientists #and they have all confirmed i will not get better #so the best i can do is to drink the formula and eat my safe foods. it’s the only way i’m physically able to live #and it’s why im not dying in a hospital bed from malnutrition anymore

[aurelion-solar]

omg THAT'S ME in one of NickyBoi's videos!!!! it's funny that it's literally there for about 0.5 seconds but seeing it is just so surreal and exciting to me haha

#league of legends #nickyboi #seb speaks

[tokyogruel]

if tumblr really wants to draw in new users they should do something fun that could also bring in revenue. perhaps a convention of some kind

#creature speaks

[club-prideguin]

No comment.

#seb speaks #club penguin #my post #my posts

[warmbrainsalad]

literally every time i see a hot dad at the park or a daffodil, this fucking scene goes through my head

#brain chemistry altered forever by this stupid show #peep show #Seb speaks

[sebsketchs]

heh. nice

#yes I was refreshing my phone for two minutes waiting for this moment #worth it #seb speaks

[inkbedou]

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

SORRY FOR NO DRAWING I DIDNT HAVE TIME BUT HOPE U ENJOY TODAY EITHER WAY!!

-inkbedo!

#seb speaks

[sebtomm]

new theme as i work on a few drafts.

#seb speaks #new desktop theme too

[aemogai-culture-is]

aemogai culture is being hot 'n sexy :]

#so true #seb speaks #mod melanie #aemogai culture #aemogai community #aemogai culture is #aemogai blog #aemogai #anti endo mogai culture is #anti endo culture is #anti endo #anti endo mogai #culture is ask #culture blog #culture is blog #culture is #mogai culture is

[mega-banette]

pronoun change, also im a lesbian now lmao i figured it out a few months ago but forgot to tell tumblr

#seb speaks #im keeping these names for anonymity tho

[captaindeadpoet]

Sometimes I think so hard about how Lewis grew up lonely. His parents loved him, but were always gone. They’re heroes, but he lost them early. The house is always empty, not because of neglect, but because of obligations.

But I wonder if Lewis was lonely in other places, too? He’s a kid obsessed with a superhero, as most kids are, but his action figure is a comfort item that he carries everywhere. He talks to it more than his classmates, because Spar Kaiser understand him better than anyone else. The other kids make fun of him for always sitting alone and talking to his toys.

I think maybe he was always moving, too, not just cities and states but also his hands. He flaps and shakes his hands and flicks and wiggles his fingers, often in front of his eyes, because it makes him feel safe. It makes him comfortable. The other kids fine it weird and freaky, and they make fun of it, of him.

And then there’s the talking. Lewis has trouble communicating, because he gets so excited about the strangest things. Spar Kaiser is one thing, but cemetery architecture. Surgical procedures. Snakes and big cats and spiders and natural disasters. He’s immediately branded a weird kid.

And then there’s everything else. The way loud noises make him cover his ears and rock back and forth. The way touch sometimes makes him upset. The way being a minute late makes him melt down. The way too much at once makes him shut down. His parents understand when they’re there, but the other kids and his teachers struggle. He’s smart, they say. He’s a big helper. But he can’t make friends. He struggles to work in a team.

And as he gets older, he learns how to change to fit a situation. He finds strategies to socialize right, and finds he has a knack for leadership.

But when he’s alone, he needs to decompress, and he moves his hands and makes noise. And he’s not sure how to share that part of himself with anyone. So he’s always feeling lonely.

#bang brave bang bravern #lewis smith #seb speaks #I’m being angsty and projecty

[signedjehanne]

& let the darkness set us free.

halloween costume 2023. created from scratch by me, my mother, and our neighbor.

#seb speaks #yellowjackets #lottie matthews #antler queen #natalie scatorccio #halloween

[aurelion-solar]

u r the main source for my league visual updates at this point but i know nothing about u so i want to know now. whats ur league playstyle? whats ur favorite skinline(s)? whos your favorite champion? what modes do you like the most?

hey!! :) thanks for the fun questions!

not gonna lie i don't really play much ranked/normals anymore haha, most of the time i play aram or the rotating game mode with my friends bc the vibes are more chill :) so i end up playing all sorts of champions really! nexus blitz and arena have been fun recently but aram is probably my all time fave haha

that being said on summoner's rift i usually prefer to play mid mages or any support really! for mid, my mains are lissandra, lux, vex and veigar (and i'm very excited for hwei, i really wanna learn how to play him). for support i particularly like nami, braum, morgana and karma, but again there's loads more supports i like playing :) and occasionally i play sejuani and amumu jungle!

and for skinlines i think my fave is space groove! but i also love arcana, shan hai scrolls, faerie court and la ilusión. oh and stargazer from wild rift! i'd love to see the return of battle queens too :) also there are skinlines that i loved when they first came out, but i feel like they've become oversaturated recently, like star guardian and coven (although i think i'm just biased because SG lux and coven lissandra were the ones who started those skinlines hehe)

hope that answered all ur questions!! thanks again :D

#league of legends #shinyswablu #ask #seb speaks

[tokyogruel]

the milgram mvs are songs from their heads and the covers are songs from their hearts ^^

#creature speaks

[club-prideguin]

happy tdov.

#seb speaks #ok to rb #club penguin #tdov #i actually meant to draw something for today but i ended up not having time so. take this i guess lmao.