#i can fully loose myself in this character

[morallyinept]

A full transcribe of JAVIER PEÑA'S dialogue/lines from the TV show NARCOS.

S3/E2 - THE CALI KGB

Includes full dialogue, and dialogue from any deleted/additional scenes available.

I've created this as a point of reference when writing for Pedro's characters, and I hope you find it useful. Even if you just want to read the dialogue. 🖤

FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE

☝🏻Dialogue has been fully transcribed by myself using reference to original scripts (if available), audio subtitles and using my own two ears. Therefore, mistakes can be made, however I have tried to be as fully accurate as I can. If you spot an obvious mistake, please kindly let me know. Where audio is not clear, I have marked with *inaudible* Scenes are separated for ease of reference.

FULL SCRIPT DIALOGUE:

(Narration) In its prime, the Cali cartel was moving 30 tons of coke a month into America… most of it through their New York operation and an alliance with Mexican traffickers out of Juárez that brought tons of product across our border. That means that in an average six-month period, they could put 180 tons on the street. But there was nothing average about this. These were the last six months in the life of the Cali cartel. They were going for it, making sure there were no loose ends. 

__________________

(Narration) Like I said, they were going for it. While they were building up their retirement accounts, what were we doing about it? Jack shit. 

Won’t happen again. 

Colonel. 

How’s your son?

Maybe I should join him. Not a lot of police work these days. 

__________________

Duff, it’s been a long time. 

Lopez. 

Yeah. You guys are famous. 

There isn’t going to be a next time. They’re rotating you home. The Colombians are pulling your visa. You’re outta here tonight. 

They are. 

__________________

Yeah.

What’s this?

What’s your name?

Feistl, what are you asking me? 

It’s overstating it a little bit, wouldn't you say? 

We’re not sending any personnel to Cali at the moment. 

For now, there isn’t one. 

I’m aware who runs the Cali cartel. Is there anything else, Agent Feistl? 

Good. 

Thanks.

__________________

(Narration) The Cali cartel came to New York for the cocaine market. It’s the largest in the world. But they stayed for the ether. You can’t make coke without ether. And while export restrictions had made it hard to come by in Colombia, it flowed freely in the States. But maybe not as freely as the Godfathers would have liked. 

__________________

Looks like it’s going well. 

You can call the press office if you want a comment, Miss Alvarez. 

Have a nice day. 

Looks like you said, it was an accident. 

__________________

You got a partner, right? 

Good. You’re going to Cali. 

__________________

FULL MASTERLIST OF PEDRO CHARACTERS DIALOGUE

#pedro pascal #javier peña #javier pena #pedro pascal characters #javier pena narcos #javier pena dialogue #pedro pascal character dialogue

[vogelmeister]

thinking about how i was in a play once and my friends mum didn’t realise it was me until halfway through so i guess costumes won that day

#it felt great imo like i found out on opening night she didn’t know it was me so i went ‘fuck yea no one recognises me’ #so i was like if no one knows its me then what do i actually have to loose #i can fully loose myself in this character #like i was wearing a wig and everything and tinted glasses so like i was fully behind a costume #and the moment that gave it away was a scene where my character removes the glasses and begins to speak #because he was a butler and thus he didn’t speak a LOT but god when it happened it was the most important scene in the show #and naturally THEN and only then she realised it was me #bc at that point you could see my face plus my voice #actors of tumblr #i went everywhere for queue

[sweets4dolls]

Hear me out: the angels are hypocritical son of guns? Like apart from characters like Emily, the angels would already have “sinful” lovers? E.I. Sinners, demones, or just shitty angels because they like the mindfucking and/or manipulation about it? For example, Adam wouldn’t mind fucking a demon despite his intense hate for them because he likes he power and while dynamic about it and no one says much because they’re also probably into it as well

𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑒

pairing: adam + sinner!f!reader

content warnings: power imbalance, dark!adam, toxic relationship, not proofread, smut, typical misogynistic adam, manipulation, very dubious consent, dick sucking

notes: this is such a cool idea nonnie :O

every extermination day, you dread seeing his face.

it started the very first time you had experienced the extermination, coming face to face with the very first man, Adam himself. he told you that he could get you into heaven if you did something for him, which is how you got to the point of this give and take relationship with him.

every year, he tells you the same thing - let me fuck you, and maybe you'll be redeemed - and its not like you have anything left to loose.

so your sitting in your room, trying to avoid the carnage resulting from the angels outside as you hear the window open, making your pretty head whip around, eyes meeting that grinning mask of his.

"hey sweet cheeks, ready to try again this year?" he says as he closes his wings, walking over to you on the bed, not bothering too much with hellos as he starts to shrug you shirt off, pressing messy kisses to your face and neck.

"Adam, I-i'm not sure about this," you stammer out as your bottom lip quivers, your mind all stuffy as you feel his hands roam up your shirt.

he laughs at the quiver in your voice, "well, it doesn't matter what you think," he says to you like its the most obvious thing in the world, "you don't know any better! your a sinner! if you didn't know better in life, why would you know better now?" he quips as he tosses his robe off to the side, grabbing you by the shoulders and pulling you closer to him.

you sigh, trying to combat tears that build up in your eyes, "y-your right, I'm sorry," you say with as you lean into his touch ever so slightly, making him grin.

"that's right baby, you're mine, and you always will be," he says as he gives you a sloppy kiss on your trembling mouth, before scoffing as he pulls back and looks at your melancholic expression, "wipe that look off your face, this is supposed to be fun hot stuff! this might get you into heaven!" he says with a laugh, knowing fully well that it won't.

he's an asshole, and there's no exception when it comes to you - he's pushing you down on your knees. "let's stop all this bitching and put that pretty mouth to better use, hm?" he says as pats your face and pulls his dick out, already hard for you.

carefully, you lick at it and suck at the tip for a few moments before Adam gets bored and stepped in to shove it down your throat, making you gag and choke as he pushes you down lower onto it.

he bites his lip as he fucks you throat, not caring about how you felt "that's right babe, never sucked anything so big before, have you?" he coos mockingly before letting go of your head, letting you a few moments choke out and gasp for air before pushing your head back down on his cock.

gripping you by the hair, he keeps going until he cums, shooting it into the back of your throat, making tears fall down your cheeks as you choke on his cum, letting you off as he pulls away, leaving you to cough as bubbles of spit and cum are left on your lips.

"with a blowjob like that, I might just have to drag you to heaven myself so we can do that twenty-four seven, you little slut!"

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel adam smut

[rosazoldyckk]

-Yandere! Illumi X Kidnapped! Reader-

⚠️warning⚠️ mentions of physical violence and abuse, un-consented NSFW moments (ONLY KISSING but still worth the tw) and needles.

Fandom: Hunter X Hunter. Character(s): Illumi Zoldyck, butler(s) (not specific)

A/N: I’m sorry if this is absolutely crap. I’ve got a lot of drafts about yandere Illumi, Chrollo and Hisoka so I didn’t really proof read this one😅 hope you enjoy my writing anyways❤️

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"You know how I feel about repeating myself Y/N." Illumi muttured, harshly sticking his needle into your already needle-covered head. His heartbeat increasing as your pained screams filled the room.

"I told you not to engage with them, didn't I?" He questioned, shoving another needle into your skull. You nod weakly, shivering at the cold chains while the burning sensation drew tears to your eyes.

Them, the them he's speaking of were simply butlers, which over time you considered friends after all the things they did to ensure your safety, that's all! Though he is probably no more. Your "lover" hated when you talked to anyone else, whether it was his butlers or even his own family, Illumi hated when you talked to anyone but him. That was the only thing that scared him, that was something he wouldn't allow happen. As long as he's alive he won't allow anyone to taint you, to see things in a different view than him.

It's unacceptable.

"Answer me."

The usual coldness of his voice had a tint of anger in it, which almost scared you, how could doing something so simple manage to make him this angry? "Y..es"

The dark-haired man smiled, a sick one at that. Moving closer, giving a thankfully soft tug on your blood-covered hair, pulling you into his arms. His hands being a bit closer to your back than you'd like. You simply attempted to ignore the sharp pain from the impact, thinking that it couldn’t get any worse than this.

As much as you tried to ignore the pain, it was enough for you to loose strength in resisting when Illumi fully closed the gap, placing his lips against yours experimentally. They were so oddly warm compared to the rest of him, molding to yours with ease as he moved against you. All you could sense was him. The dangerous may strong scent of pine with metallic undertones nearly becoming overpowering and almost intoxicating has he continued to kiss you breathless. It was almost enough to forget the pain shooting throughout your body.

Almost.

You attempted to protest with whatever strength you had left in your body but Illumi continued to cling onto you; the whine you let out muffled from his mouth over yours.

When he finally let you go, he left you breathless - chest heaving while you stared at him once more with eyes as wide as plates.

Illumi rubbed his thumb over your soft lips. Using his other one you run over your bruised back, snickering at your small flinches.

"Why must you disobey me like this Y/N? Why can't you make my job easier?" He whispers against your skin, talking more to himself than anything else.

"I love you so much," He sighed, kissing away from the salty tears streaming down your face. Being hardly able to contain himself in your disheveled state. "I'm only doing this because I love you, because others can and will seek to hurt you. You know I can't have that, don't you?"

You didn't have anything to say, there was nothing you really could say. You were confused beyond comprehension. How could he possibly hold you in his arms, look at you with such loving eyes after doing such unspeakable things to you? He doesn't want them to 'hurt you' but hasn't he hurt you more than they ever could? What could you possibly do now? Were you even in a position to go against his command?

You hiss at the sudden pain from the numerous questions racing through your head. Alerting the assassin much to your distress. The assassin could read you like an open book, studying you and your reactions longer than you can remember. As if knowing exactly what was going through your mind he scoffed, switching from his much nicer expression.

"And what could you possibly be thinking about?" Illumi asked, tapping on your cheek. "Ah, don't tell me it's those fools from earlier. It must be."

You let out a shaky sigh at his challenging tone. He knew he was right and so did you; that look you gave him only confirmed his suspicions. But the little bit of hope in your heart for them to be kept alive regardless of their so called ‘betrayal’, for them to continue helping you get back home. It would be your fault for their deaths after all.

Illumi gathered his needles from your head and freed you from the chains, catching you in his arms as you collapsed onto the floor. He let you go, still staring down at you as he licked your blood off the needles.

Crouching back down to you, he holds your face in one hand. "You'll stay here until you are properly disciplined, I have things to do." Though not realizing what they were you knew they were nothing but good. Pressing one last kiss to your cheek he leaned forward to whisper in your ear.

"Just remain by my side and behave, and everything will be alright."

#hunter x hunter x reader #hxh x reader #hxh x y/n #hunter x hunter x y/n #yandere #yandere x darling #hunter x hunter #hxh fanfic #tw obsessive behavior #yandere x reader #hxh zoldyck #tw obsession #yandere illumi #illumi x reader #illumi x y/n #illumi x you #illumi zoldyck #yandere hxh #illumi zoldyck x reader #yandere illumi x reader #obsessive love

[the-fiction-witch]

I Win!

Media The Maze Runner

Characters Newt , Thomas & Minho

Couple Ivy Trio X Reader

Rating SMUT

Kinktober Day Eight

Kinktober Concept Bukkake

Smut Bukkake/ group sex/ group masturbation/ jizz/ nudity/ cum on skin/ foursome/ BJ/ smutty composition

First things first! 

I'm drunk.

Like really drunk.

I have had…

Nine jars of Gally’s moonshine

And now I have my tenth in hand.

Normally the glade would never get this drunk Alby would have cut the fun off hours ago but he's sick in bed with the flu or something, leaving the sweet blonde second in command in charge and as much as I love Newt he can be a little spineless

So everyone was pretty drunk but I was far drunker than anyone else and I hatched myself a fun little plan. 

I matched myself into the meeting hall… or more correctly fell into the meeting hall seeing exactly the group I wanted. 

In the meeting hall sitting around in their drunken states were, Newt, Thomas and Minho 

“Hi y/n” Minho said as he saw me 

I slammed shut the wooden door and stood before them “Who’s dick do I have to suck to get a week off work!” 

Immediately Thomas’ hands went up,

“Don’t be stupid, I’m her keeper if anyone gets their dick sucked for a week of it's me.” minho argued

“Hey! All of you are disgusting” Newt complained “If anyone it is probably me as second in command” 

“If you getting it I want it!” Minho yelled

And of course, an argument ensured but I giggled 

“Boys!” I laughed “I can resolve this” I smiled sitting on the floor and opening my arms 

“Who- who you you want love?”

“All” 

“All of us!” Thomas yelped 

“Awww hell yeah! Come here baby” Minho smirked not wanting to waste this opportunity he came over and stroked my jaw giving my head some little pets I smiled and nuzzled into his hip 

“Are you sure?” Thomas asked as he too came over so I smiled and nuzzled with his crotch too “Ohhh she’s serious” 

I glanced over and saw a very red newt 

“come on newt, pretty please” I giggled 

“I…don’t know how I feel about this.” 

“But we need all three. Or I won’t do any” I pouted

“Newt! Don’t be a slinthead right now” Thomas warned 

“I swear I loose a BJ because of you I will make your dick unrecognizable” Minho warned 

“Well…alright but I’m not sure about” he began as he came over so I smiled hugging his hips and pressing kisses all over his crotch “Ughhhhh…. Okay okay love! Someone elses turn” he quickly snapped 

“We should play a game!” I giggled bouncing on my knees “If you boys give in and beg for more then I win a week off work”

“And if we don’t?” Minho smirked “What happens if we don’t end up begging for more?”

“So if all of you cum from my playing?”

“Yeah?” Thomas smirked 

“Then… I loose and I’ll let you all boys have sex with me”

“What- In- inside you?” Newt gulped 

“Umm humm” I nodded “But- One little comment about wanting anything else then no sexy time for you boys. And you all have to cum at the same time to fuck me”

“Deal!” Thomas jumped 

“Absolutely” Minho smirked 

“I don’t know-”

“Newt!” Both Minho and Thomas yelled 

“Please newt, pretty please. It would make me ever so happy” I pleaded cupping my hands to beg him 

“Well… okay love” 

“Yay! Okay let's get started pants off, pretty boys!” 

Minho quickly kicked off his pants and gently began to rub up his hardening sharf But I slapped his hand 

“Nooo naughty boys. That’s my job” I giggled stroking from his base to tip feeling it harden into my hand 

“It sure it baby” He smirked stroking my hair 

“Uhh my pants are stuck- could you help me, sweetie?” Thomas asked

“Okay!” I giggled turning to Thomas helping him tug off his pants and nuzzling close to him as I rubbed on his cock getting him nice and hard he wasn’t as thick as Minho but still very nice to have in my hand I made sure the was fully hard and then turned again to be faced with a nervous newt “You turn!” I smiled quickly getting his pants off “Awww newtie doesn’t need my help” I giggled as I stroked up and down his shaft seeing he was fully hard already he also wasn’t as thick as Minho or Thomas but longer than them both till I moved back “Who wants to go first?” I giggled opening my mouth wide 

“I’ll go first” Thomas jumped in so I smiled and moved to face him starting off by simply peppering kisses up his shaft and he quickly relaxed 

“What are we meant to do while you’re working baby?” Minho asked so I giggled and moved my hands to take a grip of Newt and Minho one in each hand gently jerking them as I kissed Thomas once his shaft was completely covered in my kisses making it nice and lubricated I pulled back and turned to Minho and began kissing his shaft making sure to get all of it taking Thomas into my other hand to jerk him as I worked “Ughhh you are good, where have you been getting all this practice?” 

“Gally let me practice” I giggled

“GALLY!” All three yelled 

“I’m kidding, such jealous boys” I giggled doing my last kiss before I moved to face newt and took Minho back into my hand “I just practice in my dreams” I smiled peppering kisses all over him watching him utterly struggling already 

“Uhh love maybe it's time Thomas had another turn”

“Awww but I just started with you newt” I giggled 

“That’s fine baby you keep working on newt,” Minho reassured “You blow yourself early we don’t  get to fuck her!” 

“I’m doing my best”

I giggled and took him into my mouth completely going down to his base 

“Ughhhhhh! Shuck love!” Newt moaned already bucking his hips towards me I giggled and pulled away moving to Thomas taking him into my mouth and sucking hard he grabbed my hair groaning loudly as I sucked and made sure to use my hands on the other boys I sucked for a good while before pulling away and moving to minho taking him into my mouth and sucking hard, this went on for a good while going round and round the three boys sucking and jerking all the while at this point all of them where struggling 

“Ughhhhh baby! You are good” He groans 

“Yeah! Not so easy it is!” newt complained 

“I’ll still cum after you” 

“And I’m gonna cum after both of you so enjoy your small dick race to second place” Thomas smirked 

“Boys please don’t fight, I just want everyone to be happy” I giggled “Ummm I know!” I smiled slipping off my shirt unclipping my bra and kicking off my shorts “There does this make you boys happy?” I giggled stroking my hair a little 

“Shucking hell-” Thomas groaned it was obvious all three were narwing at their lips trying desperately not to say anything that would get them out of their prize 

So I smirked and of course faced newt, I took minho and thomas in hand making sure to be fast and hard with them as I took newt in my mouth licking and sucking making sure to suck hard as that’s what he seemed to favour 

“Ughhhhhh ughhhhh ughhhh!” Newt moaned

“Keep it shucking together newt!” Thomas told him 

“I’m trying! I think she’s figured out I’m the weakest- ughhhh” he moans and I pulled back giggling like crazy as it dripped down from his head 

“Ohh you little -” Minho began

“It’s just precum!” newt argued “It’s just precum I swear!” 

I giggled and licked it all up making sure to use it to lubricate him “Ummm newtie tastes nice” I giggled “Lets see how Tommy tastes!” I quickly moved and took Thomas back into my mouth making sure he got as deep as possible as that's what he favoured most while my hands still worked even if by now they were getting pretty tired and I felt his precum so I happily licked it all up “Ummm yummy but not as nice as newtie. Lets see about Minho” I smiled moving to him quickly taking him and licking his head alot as he liked that the best as this point all three where moaning messes and I knew this wouldn’t last very long I had been keeping all of them on edge for so long now making sure any time they goto to excited to move again and I tasted minho’s precum soon after “Ummm I like this one best” I giggled making sure to use it to lubricate him a little more 

“Uhhhh minho- we have a problem-” newt spoke up

“You’re about to cum aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I’ve been holding this like an hour I’m not sure I can anymore-” 

“Aww really!” I giggled moving so I could lick and suck him making sure to go as fast as I could on the other boys

“Ughhhh fuck yeah- I can’t - Ughhhh uuughHHHHHH!” He groans I quickly moved away trying to keep him on edge like the others but it was too late I’d push poor newt too far and he came it spurring all over my face and neck 

“Yay!” I giggled “I wi-” I began but I felt more as thomas too hit his spraying his own across me too mostly in my hair and across my shoulders by now of course I had stopped my hands but minho used his own and not seconds later he too came all over my breasts leaving me coated and sticky in all three boys jizz “I win! I win!” I giggled “Awww you boys made me all messy” I giggled rubbing it all into my skin mostly to tease them more

“Actully love, the deal was if we all came at the same time we got to fuck you. I think we came pretty close?”

“Within a minuet” minho smirked 

“So that means we win” Thomas smirked

“...Oh” I sighed “Well… a deals a deal” I shrug but I noticed all three of them go completely white so I turned and noticed the meeting room door open and pretty much every boy in the glade had gathered to see what was going on and clearly all saw what had just happened 

“I believe your exact words were All us boys get to have sex with you.” Minho smirked “Would you agree?”

“Yeah thats what she said” Thomas nodded

“That’s definitely what you said love” Newt smirked “So? Shall we form a line or shall we just have a free for all?” 

“Ohh dear-” I gulped 

#thomasbrodiesangster #tbs imagine #tbs imagines #thomas sangster #thomas sangster imagine #tbs smut #thomas brodie sangster imagine #thomas brodie sangster #tbs #thomas brodie sangster smut #newt maze runner #newt #newt imagine #maze runner newt #newt imagines #newt tmr #tmr newt imagines #tmr newt imagine #tmr newt smut #tmr newt #the maze runner minho #maze runner minho #minho smut #minho #thomas #tmr thomas smut #tmr thomas

[smrtnik07]

librarians redesigned!!! by me!!! :)

the designs are free to use, i used this as a character design exercise for myself while recovering from carpal tunnel issues! read more for all the individual designs + me ranting :*

first off roland!! i included an angelica in here, i designed her before him, shes very triangular to me.. maybe a bit more messed up than roland tells us about, he is a biased narrator afterall. anyways i wanted his design to match hers nicely, so hes like a rounded square type of guy... i think projmoon designed him to be Just A Guy intentionally, so i played into it. overall the least interesting design of the bunch imo. its on purpose :)

angela !!! my baby :) an important thing here is her bangs. i dont want her hair to be able to recover from however many years she spent with the hard middle part in lobcorp, i think its cute to incorporate it still. swoopy, fluffy hair for her! and the clothes are just a bit more casual idk the librarian uniforms were kinda boring and stiff to me, as much as it does go with her character.. if u wanna be human u gotta experience the joy of sweatpants or whatever. also i didnt add color but i dont want her to be fully white<3 or fully clear skinned.. give her sunspots on her face. she finally gets to experience sun. :)

guess ill go in order of appearance lol. malkuth! whats the headband for if it doesnt keep anything out of her face!! since shes a bit more active than some of her colleagues, i also gave her a ponytail(its also for the silhouette...) also gave her some chubbier thighs.. also maybe a butler-esque coat, at least to me; i just made it a bit more form fitting than the original. playing into her personality or whatever. shes cute.. remember to take deep breaths!!

yesod!! i want to play into the skin issues a bit more, i still removed his gloves but i gave him a poncho, not just for the square silhouette im trying to build but for more coverage. also emo hair over eyes was funny. also wide flare pants for you, boy. just very square and put together in general

hod! this ones my favorite (i even cared enough to give her a pattern on that skirt!!) it was kinda bugging me how in the artbook i couldnt tell who was writing because hod's, malkuth's, and tiphereth's colors are so similar. so hod is pink now, and malkuth a bit more orange. i kinda went for a romantic poet thing here, dunno how much that worked out, but i think out of everyone you can tell shes the literature girl. gave her pigtails !! theyre cute :> also since i removed the coat decoration off of angela, i gave part of it to hod in the bottom of her coat :). cute and round!

netzach is a very strange man to me.. ellipse shape and loose fitting clothes for u. if i saw him irl i wouldnt approach him. not to say i dont like him as a character, i love him, but i want him to look like a depressed guy who would pick up art as a hobby to distract himself and it works. bro is just surviving out there. also gave him comfy clothes to make the surviving easier, down to the shoes and wide, id assume non-denim pants - maybe cotton? maybe sweatpants that dont fit around the ankle? who knows.

tiphereth!! since she's like the teen girl of the group i gave her a skater dress, converse, and a tied coat around her waist.. like how i used to wear as a teen when i was being a hater and recovering from a death in the family that changed my entire life (im still a teen ... 9 more days till im 20 as of posting this). also gave her fishnets i think she would like that. i imagine she would get headaches bc of those dumb braids on her head<3 or maybe bc her coworkers are kinda dumb<3

gebura :) round face, reverse triangle shaped body.. like a true butch lesbian stereotype.. i decided a leather jacket, docs and pants i see metalheads wear would fit her! red leather jacket, of course. also gave her spiky hair just like projmoon did<3 my favorite detail here are the eyebrows, i think their shape is rlly neat! nvm i think its just that gebura is rlly neat. anyways the eyebrows fit her

chesed my boy.. idk i just saw him and hit him with the transmasc beam and gave him , as the kids say, wh0re eyes. i wanted him to have rounder hips and just be round in general. turtleneck and cardigan combo also, i think he would like wearing that. also somewhat curlier hair, or at least wavy would do him well! and a tote bag, i dont doubt that he would go out to read in coffee shops if he could - so he gets a tote bag to carry his sociology books. i want him to look like he would give the warmest, comfiest hugs and be friend shaped

binah!! this one was the most challenging, trying to find the right place for the colors - to not use too little or too much yellow. i still dont think i got it right but this is as close as im getting. long face, long nose, siren-ish eyes.. messed up in the head bird lady that speaks like hannibal! i also dont think a dress really suits her so i opted for wide pants and a fancy black button up .. maybe angela styled her, who knows. also black fingertips which is a trait i like to give the arbiters (including an oc).. just my own little consistency thing i like to do :)

hi grandpa! ok for hokma i dont think the changes are that big? i gave him O shaped legs and his sword thing i turned into a walking cane, gave him a vest (didnt want to opt for a corset but i think he would enjoy the back support for proper posture) . also gave him a mild gradient from darker gray to lighter gray, since he IS the gray part of the ABC trio. gave him salt and pepper hair and an older face. forgot to draw it, but i wanted to give him a silicone tip for the sword so it doesnt dull out, which he can take off when recieving guests

honorary mention to go along with the angelica i mentioned with roland, i mildly changed up her twin(k) brother. i gave argalia and angie the same hair but mirrored, his a bit more curly and hers a bit more spikey, his face a bit more edgy, hers a bit rounder and kinder. not much else to say here, i liked his design as is, but wanted to add him here :)

#library of ruina #project moon #art i made #big project done wooo ! :) im proud of myself for setting a goal and sticking to it. are you proud of me. tell me youre proud of me

[deanbrainrotwritings]

— THE LOVE LETTER COLLECTION : PART ONE

SUMMARY : being a dreamwalker, seeing every universe, having a hot boyfriend. there’s a million perks to that. this is the sad version.

PAIRING : dean winchester x dreamwalker!reader (f.)

CHARACTERS : rowena macleod, sam winchester

WARNINGS/TAGS : explicit(18+), angst, fluff, almost-smut, talk about depression, low self esteem, thoughts about past prostitution

WORD COUNT : 11k

A/N : title from a jamie's elsewhere song. this fills the time travel square on my @jacklesversebingo card. inspired by loki season two, please don’t change by Jungkook, and the spider-verse movie. no spoilers. This is written from Dean's perspective and in first person (it was fun but tough) X

I couldn’t sleep tonight.

It’s normal.

She’s asleep next to me, breathing slow and quietly. Her chest rises subtly with each breath. Her lips are parted, just slightly.

Her soft hair is splayed over the pillow like the rays of a sun and she’s facing me. One of her hands rests on her stomach and the other is bent upwards beside her, her hand resting in a loose fist by her neck.

Her steel necklace rests haphazardly over her neck. The chain is thin and fragile. Glimmering in the faint light coming through the opaque hotel curtains. A tiny and thin, rectangular centrepiece is lined with miniature gems and suddenly stops leaving a centimetre free of plain steel, and it rests in the dip of her collarbone.

She’s quiet tonight. Laying still, unmoving. I smile at her, resist the urge to touch her smooth skin or brush her hair away from her shoulders. She wakes up easily, a light sleeper, the cutest one. I’m surprised my staring doesn’t wake her.

Memories move in and try to overcast my mind. At least she takes me away from the darkness that threatens to consume me. Right now, I’m focused on her and the way she breathes.

I try reminding myself of what I have right now. Her. Sam. Cas. Jack. That’s all that matters. I won’t even remember why the feelings overflooded my chest, poisoning my mind, breaking me down until I’m down. In the morning, when the sun shines and pours through the window, I realise it isn’t so bad. When her soft voice flows into my ears, when the flowery aroma of her intoxicates me, when her warm touch comforts me, when the sweet taste of her lips makes me forget what I had been worried about at night.

It’s always the same. Like her, I learned to live with the pain.

She moans softly beside me. Not a sexy moan. It sounds irritated at something. I turn fully onto my side to face her, panic makes my stomach sink. I frown and my train of thought is lost as I wait to see if she’s having a nightmare or not.

She mumbles something I can’t understand, but she doesn’t seem to be in distress. She turns over onto her side, facing me fully. Strands of her hair fall gracefully over her face. I move back slightly but her arm lands in my waist, trapping me in place by entwining her legs with mine. I squirm when her elbow pokes my ribs and I reach out at last, caressing her cheek. With a few whispers of her name and some gentle prodding, she shuts up and her eyes flutter open.

She groans gently and whispers my name, adorably disoriented. I chuckle and lean forward to kiss her forehead before she could even fully wake up. She hums anyway, satisfied and scoots closer to me. Her soft legs slide against mine again; it makes me warm.

She’s moving up on the bed, too, and slides one of her arms under my neck to pull me closer. I willingly go and I grin as soon as my face is pressed against the top of her breasts. I breathe her in and close my eyes. Her skin smells amazing and she gently starts scratching my scalp with her nails. I moan quietly when a shiver runs up my spine and I keep her in place with one arm wrapped around her waist from beneath her.

I move my other hand up to her jaw to tip her head back to kiss her neck. I can hear her breath hitch and she starts to squirm, her thighs become tense and they start to move against my own. When I thread my fingers through her hair and tug weakly, she rolls her hips against mine.

She’s breathing heavier already. I love how she reacts to me.

Heat blooms in my stomach, my cock twitches, and my insides clench instantly when she wraps her arm around my shoulder and then pulls my own hair. I grunt softly against her neck, but she’s pulling away. Her nose bumps against mine and she finds my lips with her own, soft and warm.

I hold her tighter, lowering my hand to squeeze her ass. She smiles against my mouth and I do, too, nibbling on her bottom lip. I move her hair away from her face before sliding my hand down her shoulder, teasingly bringing the strap of her bralette down. She arches her chest into me and I lean down to latch onto her nipple once I get the soft material beneath her chest.

“What were you dreaming about?” I ask curiously. My warm breath hits her wet nipple and she shudders. I slid my hand out from beneath her to play with the hem of her underwear. Slowly, I let my hand sneak into the front.

“Uh,” she trails off distractedly, she attempts to hold me in place against her breasts. I didn’t have any plans on doing anything besides that, but I pulled away on purpose to watch her open her eyes and complain about my inactivity. “Hey, why’d you stop?”

I smirk at her and I pull my hand out of her underwear to hug her, pressing a kiss against her shoulder. I roll over on top of her, holding her in place with my hips against hers. “I wanna know what you dreamt of. You were moaning and movin’ around,” I explained with a frisky grin, trying to make her think that I’m assuming it was a wet dream.

She frowns instead and asks, “did I wake you?” She cups my cheeks and my face softens as I look down at her. I shake my head and I drop kisses along her face until I hear her laugh quietly. “You should’ve woken me if you couldn’t sleep,” she murmured.

I shake my head again and she rolls her eyes, pushing me away to turn her back to me. I follow her immediately to kiss her cheek, to make her not be irritated at me. She’s smiling before I even land a kiss to her face and I grab a handful of her ass instead, squeezing in retaliation.

“I was just gonna grab my phone,” she lies and laughs. She starts to wiggle around and almost fails to laugh quietly, trying to get me off her when I tickle her neck with kisses. I let her go eventually and she immediately reaches for her phone on the nightstand. Her screen turns on when she tilts her phone towards herself, a photo of me naked flashes my face and I get flustered, taking the phone from her after she whined, “it’s gonna be four?”

I stare at the photo in surprise. The photo was cut off at the bottom, barely showing my hip bones, hiding what she had been doing to me. I remember that day, it was our anniversary. We spent about two days together. She was giving me a handjob and she convinced me to let her take a couple of pictures. Who am I to deny her that?

Let’s just say there are more photos and a video.

“Hey! Give it back,” she pouted, wrapping her small hand around my wrist. I ignore her, and move away from her sneaky hands as I blush when my eyes trail back up to my face on the photo. I look like I’m about to orgasm.

“That’s a photo of me,” I stated bluntly. I unlocked her phone curiously and lo and behold, it’s a picture of me fucking her. My stomach clenches, I’m thrilled, even my cock starts to harden at the sight of me standing on my knees, my hand is splayed over her pelvis and my thumb is on her clit.

“Oh, I thought it was a photo of Henry Cavill,” she answers flatly. I feel my heartbeat rise and I bite my lip, I focus on her more than on myself, even if most of what I can see is me. I couldn’t decide whether to look at her in front of me or to keep staring at the angle she took the photo from.

“Shut up,” I mumble, fascinated by the high quality of her photo. I had used a pillow to angle her hips upwards. I was holding her leg up by her ankle and she had her other leg thrown over my hip… the sounds she made that day, they were unforgettable.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” She asks suddenly, snapping me out of my horny daze. I look over at her and watch her bite her lip shyly. “I can change it, it was a joke… mostly.. at first, because now I enjoy looking at it. It’s not very convenient when I’m around other people though…” she rambled thoughtfully.

I don’t say anything and I set her phone down on the pillow. I pry her legs open with my hand and I slip my fingers inside her underwear, teasing her wet labia, tracing her entrance, and then I lift my wet fingers up to ghost them tortuously over her swollen clit.

“You like looking at it?” I smirk down at her. She bites her lip harder, staring up at me in attempts to look innocent as she nods at me. Her eyes shut momentarily and she starts to wiggle her hips impatiently. “What happened to you? You were so shy when we started dating,” I tease, making a ‘v’ with my fingers. I slide my hand down to cup her pussy, her clit brushes against the sides of my fingers and she gasps softly.

“You made me a slut. A horny one,” she whines playfully.

“You’re not a slut,” I laugh, brushing my lips against her cheek.

“Have you seen how I dress now? I feel so hot when I’m with you,” she admitted breathily. I blush at her words and my stomach flutters.

“Wearing sexy clothes don’t make you a slut, angel,” I reassure her and push my middle finger into her. She feels warm. I can feel the texture of the inside of her against my fingers and it turns me on. She’s wet and I love the feel of it every time I pull my finger out of her. “I’m not gonna stop you from doing what you wanna do. Or tell you how to dress. Or call you a slut when you wear… sexy clothes to seduce me. Besides, you look hot as hell to me all the time. And if I make you feel hot enough to wear somethin’ that you usually wouldn’t wear, I think I’m doin’ a pretty damn good job at being your boyfriend.” She’s speechless, either from the way I curl my finger inside her or from the words I just spoke to her. “You are seriously horny though. What’s up with that? You act like I don’t fuck you enough.” I say that and I add another finger inside her.

I stare as her head rolls to the side. She bites her lip, arches her back, and her legs spread open some more. She’s so sexy without even trying.

“I dunno about that one,” she murmured, “I think you’re so fuckable when you do stuff for me like you’ve read my mind, when you say stuff like what you just said right now.. when you’re.. you,” I smirk and lean in for a quick kiss. “I want to feel you everywhere. All over me. All the time. I’ve never wanted for someone as badly as I want for you. I’ve never needed someone as badly as I need you. You make me feel. I want to… I dunno… match you when it comes to sex... You’re.. everything.”

There’s something about the way she says it that drives me crazy. I somehow understand everything she’s trying to say and I pull my fingers out of her.

I need her.

“Fuck,” I whisper, pushing her underwear to the side. I move up her body, but Sam starts to groan beside us. I whine quietly and drop my forehead on her shoulder, releasing her underwear.

I feel her deflate underneath me, too. She apologetically plays with my hair and kisses the top of my head. I melt into her, trying to steady my heart, cool down my body, and make my dick soft at the same time.

“Have you ever had a dream where you hide something and you wake up thinking: ‘what if it’s actually there?’ And you know it’s dumb but you just have a feeling it’s not, and then you’re disappointed because it’s not there when you look?” Her attempt to distract me works. I lift my head and I furrow my brows at her very specific question, but she’s looking at me earnestly so I resist the urge to laugh.

“I don’t think so, no,” I answered her question thoughtfully. After a few moments, as I continue to think about her question, I move off her and lean on my elbow while gazing down at her. “Why? Is there somethin’ you’re tryna tell me in a cryptic way?” I smirk and she pouts.

“I don’t do that,” she replies with uncertainty. I can tell she’s going over any possible situation where she’s been cryptic without even noticing.

“Uh, you do it sometimes,” I say with a laugh. She frowns and then ignores me. It makes me want to kiss her.

“Well, I’m trying to tell you my dream,” she explains. I’m about to tell her to continue, but Sam’s tossing and turning stops, and he speaks to us sleepily.

“You guys already awake?” Sam yawns, I look over my shoulder and I watch him stretch.

“Yeah,” I answer, then I lay back down on my back.

“Unfortunately,” she answers with a sigh.

She starts to get out of bed and I frown. I move over closer and wrap my arm around her waist, pressing kissing along her back. She chuckles and doesn't move away from when she bends down. I can hear her rifling through her duffle bag and I let her go when I feel her stop. I take her spot, lay on my stomach and bury my face in her pillow to inhale the smell of honey and jasmine from her shampoo.

I hear her jump slightly and I slide my arms under the pillow, lifting my head to watch her pull her jeans up. I smile dreamily as I watch her slide them over her ass. When she bends over, I’m a hundred percent sure she’s putting on a show for me. She rolls the bottom of her jeans upwards into a cuff so they don’t drag across the floor.

“Need to use the bathroom, Sam?” She asks him innocently, but she’s looking at me with mischief in her eyes. I smile and hide my face in the pillow so I don’t laugh or moan.

“I’ll use it after you, go ahead,” he tells her, ever the gentleman. She says a little ‘mmkay’ and I can hear her step closer to me. I peek at her and watch her lift the sheets over my body. She kisses the nape of my neck before she leaves and I resist the urge to act like a girl when she does it.

“Was she having a nightmare again?” Sam asks, his voice is laced with concern. I turn to look at him, the sun starts to light up the room, and I watch as he puts his shoes on. “That one with the axe killer was terrifying. She couldn’t sleep for days after it,” Sam reminisces with a grimace on his face.

“She didn’t have a nightmare,” I reassure Sam. I feel relief, the same as the sigh Sam releases when I respond, and I sit up.

Sam opens his laptop and his brows furrow as he stares at the screen. But his question takes me back to that night. I think about it like it just happened. I didn’t know what to do, neither did Sam, at first, because as soon as I’d touched her thrashing body, she’d fallen off the bed. She had a bruise on her cheekbone afterwards to show for it.

She never woke up when it happened, not until I picked her up off the floor. But even when she opened her eyes and saw me, the monster pulled her back into her dream and continued to chase her.

I remember Sam trying to help me as she tried to wiggle out of my grip, her dream bleeding into reality. She was strong for such a small woman and she slipped repeatedly from my grip and into Sam’s. We held her down on the bed instead and waited for her to wake up on her own.

I’d never been so afraid for her before. I’d never had my heart broken by her like that night when she immediately broke down crying upon waking up fully, holding onto me tighter than she’d ever held me before.

I cleaned the cuts on her legs and her back, I tended to the rope burn on her wrists. She was covered in bruises. I was grateful that she didn’t have anything broken or a deadly wound. But her mind was broken. It is broken. She was depressed for a few days after it had happened. I couldn’t help her in any way, but I was there for her the entire time.

It happens sometimes, more back then than it does now. She’d dream about something and it would break her. She falls apart and I help build her up—like she’s done for me a million times before. The dreams, nightmares, take a toll on her because she can’t do much in terms of helping out.

I feel like she’s a little more numb to it now. Like the depression got old. Like it’s just the same old emotions that have tried to drown her before. I’ve seen it with admiration and a bit of humour. The spite she feels when they come up after years of feeling controlled by it. I’ve seen her at her lowest and I’ve seen how resilient she can be—even on her own.

She tells me now when she doesn’t feel right, but she sounds more irritated by it than actually brought down. Sometimes she repeats or mocks whatever dark thought crosses her mind out loud and it’s half-funny. I still reassure her that it’s not true, just in case she’s pretending to be strong, just in case they’re sounding too true to be a lie.

If it’s really bad, I can tell because she goes mute. I let her cry once she opens up to me. I hold her and I let her feel it until it passes. There’s no point in trying to be positive sometimes or pushing down her feelings when they’re there for a reason. She lets it out and then she feels embarrassed because she wonders how she could think it was true. It’s a cycle, one I’m used to feeling myself just as much as she is.

It’s harder for me than it is for her to open up. I’m not used to it. God knows I want to tell her, but the words turn to a knot in my throat and my tongue gets heavy as they rest there. I’m afraid I’ll burden her, even when I try to reason with myself that I’ve never felt like she was a burden for having feelings, it doesn’t help. Because she’s herself and I am me. Still, I think she’s learned to understand me, even in silence.

I love her.

She steps out of the bathroom with a cute flowery top and a green cardigan after about six minutes and I smile at her. She gleefully twirls her way to me with a playful, “hey, Sammy. Morning, handsome,” and quickly kicks off the slippers she’s wearing to jump on the bed. Sam laughs quietly and goes into the bathroom now that she’s done.

I immediately bring her in for a kiss. My fingers tangle in her hair and I moan when her tongue prods at my lips. I can taste her minty breath when her soft tongue slides into my mouth. My hands fall to her waist; hers rise to my face. She kisses me passionately, her fingers thread through my hair and she holds me in place. She starts sucking my tongue into her mouth and I don’t even know what to call the sound that came out of me. I grab onto her tightly, his head feels fuzzy, my body is warm and tingly everywhere as she devours me. When her tongue runs along my top teeth, I have to resist the urge to bite her tongue but she begins to trace the roof of my mouth and pushes my mouth closer to hers with her hand on my jaw.

When she pulls away, she’s breathless. Like me. A string of saliva breaks between our mouths when she gets off me and I wish we could linger on it, but I’m too dazed to bring her back. I know my hair is messy and I lick my mouth to taste her again. My eyes are fixed to her movements, I know I look dumb as I continue to stare at her while she digs through her duffle bag.

Her hips sway when she walks across the room and she bends over the table slightly to open the curtain. She has a small pink bag, and takes out a green hand mirror to use as she gets ready. I inhale and try to compose myself while she fixes her eyebrows.

“Can we talk about your dream so I’m not horny all day?” I asked, getting out of bed to get ready, too. She laughs and wiggles her brows experimentally. She seems satisfied and then takes out a lash curler.

“Okay, yeah,” she agrees with a smile, but quickly glares at the lash curler. She inhales sharply before nervously bringing the metal thing to her eye. I can tell she’s freaking out with its proximity, and I grin when she has to take a deep breath after pulling it away before trying again.

I take my jeans out of my own duffle bag and start to put them on while we talk, and I ask, “so you dreamed you hid something and you think it’s real this time?” She curls her lashes at last, three times for a few seconds and then she moves on to the other eye. She bats her lashes at the mirror and then she stares down at her bag thoughtfully.

“Yeah, it’s in your duffle bag, but I didn’t put it there. I watched someone else do it and they told me to find it when I wake up,” she explains with a frown, then she frowns harder. I stare at the bag and open it up but I don’t see anything strange. “I’m gonna be mad, too, because I’ve hidden awesome stuff that I want to have—when I dream sometimes, and I’ve never found them.” I chuckle quietly and shake my head, but I start rifling through it to find whatever she could be talking about.

“Why is it important that you find it?” I ask curiously and dump everything inside onto the bed. She takes out a pink bottle and gets the wand out to place a few wet dots of pink on her lips. She presses them together to evenly spread the colour and then puts two smaller dots on her cheekbones.

“I don’t know yet,” she trails off and closes the tint. She then evenly rubs the hue over her cheeks. “He told me that once I get it, he can tell me,” she puts the small pink bag away in the duffle bag again and gets on the bed on her knees to look for it with me.

She carefully grabs my shirts, unfolds them and folds them perfectly again before putting them inside my duffle. She does it over and over with my help, until I grab a flannel and out falls a white rock shaped like a tiny white planet.

“Aha!” She exclaims, just as Sam steps out of the bathroom, confused.

“What’s that?” Sam asks, walking over to us to analyse what she grabs excitedly from the bed.

“It’s a rock,” she grins happily. She must forget that Sam doesn’t know what’s so important about it or why I have it in my stuff, so I explain it all to him as I finish folding the rest of my clothes.

“Is that like an infinity stone or something?” I ask when Sam starts inspecting the white rock. She breaks, a soft laugh lights up her previously serious face, and she’s looking at me with the brightest eyes. Sam, on the other hand, ignores me.

“I can do some research when we get to the bunker,” Sam offers, handing her the rock, but she shakes her head.

“I don’t think that’s necessary. Dream-Dean told me to take it to Rowena and I have to tell her that she has to use it on me,” she explains to us. I narrow my eyes at her when she says that to Sam. She was completely vague about the person she dreamt of at first, but now she’s saying I gave it to her in a dream? Or at least some other version of me did.

“And what, you trust this… uh,” I laugh bitterly, jealousy makes my face hot. “Dream-Dean? Seriously? He could be using my body to manipulate you.” She opens her mouth and then she closes it. She’s watching me. I know she’s trying to find a way to explain without sounding like I’m right.

“He was in my dreams,” she explained slowly, “and he didn’t look like you do now. He was more of a uh, hot, aged up version of you.” That did not make me feel any better, but I couldn’t deny that it was funny and flattering. I don’t feel as hot anymore, not since I’ve aged, but knowing she thinks otherwise makes me flush.

“Hot? Am I not fucking hot right now?” I ask playfully, staring straight at her. She gets flustered and she starts to stutter as she begins to deny what I’m saying.

“No.. you are hot- Shut up,” she grumbles. Her face is red and I smirk at her.

“Guys, please,” Sam interrupted, “let’s focus.”

“Yeah, stop flirting, babe, we need to focus,” I shake my head with a fake frown. I turn to Sam and resist a smile, even though he lets out an irritated sigh at the two of us. I can feel her behind me, I feel a tingle of thrill run up my spine, but steady my voice when I ask, “how does something from your dream appear in our world?”

Sam must think it’s a good question because he turns to look at her with a curious face. I feel her hand land at the small of my back, I can feel her warmth spread over my body, and then it moves away, leaving me cold, but I don’t expect the way she swats my ass.

“Uh… quantum physics?” She says, unsure. That distracts Sam from the way I jump, he acknowledges it, but ignores me to focus on her words. My ass stings a little, but honestly, even I’m intrigued by her words. “Pfft, I don’t know, I don’t remember anything from my physics degrees,” she snorted sarcastically.

“My general knowledge of that is the Ant-Man stuff,” I tell her with a serious face. She smiles affectionately, amusement glitters in her eyes, and she forces herself to look away when Sam comes up with a plan.

“I can get another hunter to take over the case,” Sam suggests, “Rowena’s a call away, we can head back to the Bunker while she meets us there.”

“Yeah, sounds like a plan.”

“Is there anything special about this rock?” Sam askes Rowena, looking across the table as the redheaded witch uses her finger to read a few lines from the giant book. She picks up the rock, then tilts her head and her curls follow the movement.

“Well, it’s just Scolecite,” Rowena started, “but I can feel something very powerful inside.” Rowena takes the stone and brushes her thumb over the orb, then she carefully gazes past me. “Where did you say you got this from?”

I look behind me, and she has the cutest, wide-eyed look on her face when she looks up from the sandwich she’s eating. I bite my lip and smile at her, then I turn back to Rowena. “A… uh… alternative universe version of me gave it to her. Why?”

“It feels different,” Rowena pauses to think. “Everything in our world has a certain.. signature. This feels like it doesn’t belong to our world. It makes more sense to me now that I know it’s from another universe.” I nod slowly, trying to make something of that information. I wipe a hand down my mouth and I lean back, giving my attention to my favourite person in the whole world.

She passes the rest of her sandwich to me quietly and I eat it. It somehow tastes better than the one I made for myself, and I made both of them. She gazes at me as I eat, but she asks Rowena, “you can use it on me, though, yeah? It won’t be a problem?” We look away at the same time, Rowena looks amused and then she recollects herself.

“I can,” she confirms, then cautiously asks, “are you sure you want that?” It makes me worried suddenly. Was I really gonna let my girlfriend use some magical, dimensional rock we know nothing about just because some older version of me told her to?

“Should we not?” I ask earnestly.

“I’ve never done anything like… this,” Rowena admits, pushing the book slightly towards me, “it’s possible everything will go right, but it will be extremely painful. This rock is a vessel. It’s holding something massive and powerful inside, and I’ll be putting that inside her.” It makes me more nervous when she explains it like that. Is that why she didn’t want us to do research before, because she knew there were risks? I abandon the sandwich as it begins to make me feel sick, but I’m interrupted from asking more questions.

“Dean, it’s fine. All of you, please,” she said exasperatedly. “I’m going to do this and I’m not changing my mind. I’m sure and I can handle anything that happens, okay? And if I can’t, we can stop, but I’m trying again.” She was looking straight at me, but my eyes were glued to the sandwich that was making my stomach upset.

“I don’t get why you suddenly trust the guy,” I say quietly.

“It’s you, Dean, if I’m going to trust anyone, of course, it’s going to be you,” she replied steadfastly.

“Okay, but it’s not me.” I look at her and plead that she doesn’t go through with it.

“I know that you’re afraid, Dean, and you’re usually right about stuff like that, but I’m sure of this, okay?” She puts her hand behind my neck reassuringly. Her hand is cold and it makes me shiver, I shake my head.

“You’ve made up your mind, darlin’, that’s fine with me,” Rowena told her. I get up and I stare at everyone at the table in disbelief, but the only ones who look at me are Rowena who I know is curious about what will happen and my girlfriend who’s stubbornly made up her mind, but Sam doesn’t look at me, and I know he agrees with them.

“Seriously? We’re gonna do this knowing jack shit about this goddamn rock and what it’s gonna do to you when you use it?” I scoff and Rowena opens her mouth to explain something I won’t understand, but I turn away from them because, like them, I won’t be convinced otherwise.

I get to my room, but I don’t even know what to do with myself now that I’m doing nothing. I pace for a while and then I stand there. I look at the stuff that I keep in my room, the stuff I use to make these concrete walls feel like home. I don’t hear anyone behind me, I know they’re waiting for me to cool down before they come find me. I assume they’re preparing everything for the spell in the meantime.

I go to the box that sits on the floor at the foot of my bed and I kneel down to open it. Only I know what sits way at the bottom. One of the perks of doing my own shit without being told, is that I get to hide stuff because my girlfriend doesn’t need to clean my stuff when I’ve already done it.

I pull out an unsuspecting, small wooden box from the bottom. When I open it, three rings glitter in the light of my room, it makes me nervous. I feel butterflies in my chest as the white gold glares at me, the diamonds on the one in the middle sparkle almost magically. I can’t let her jeopardise everything, but I can’t bear how it’ll change us if I stop her. It’s one thing to date her, but marriage is a whole other story. It’s eternity, at least to me, and I don’t think anyone would want that from me.

I’m fucked up in ways I can’t change, in ways I can’t ever say. Unless it’s some random person I’ll never see again, some person I don’t go home to. I know I’ve hurt her by doing that. I itch for hunts if I go two weeks without one, but I complain about wanting a normal life. I have a drinking problem I don’t address. I get angry at the ones I love, sometimes it’s blown out of proportion on my part. I make stupid decisions for the people I love, end up destroying the world more than once, or I willingly give myself as a sacrifice. Sometimes it’s not even out of courage, sometimes it’s the microscopic size of my ego, the nonexistent love I have for myself, or the fact that I want to give up.

I hide my pain behind jokes and laughs. I’d rather leave and sabotage something good rather than risk being hurt. I’m trapped in a cycle I can’t break out of, not the way the love of my life has. I’m stuck in ways I was treated by my father, my enemies. I believe every hurtful word and I can’t see myself the way her and Sam do.

I like questionable shit. She thinks it’s cute, sometimes she thinks it’s hot, but I’m not fucking normal. I do questionable shit. Not just the hunting and the killing. I have blood on my hands, seeped deep into my soul and into my mind. I have nightmares and flashbacks that don’t go away.

I’ve whored myself out for money, for food, for Sam, because my dad asked me to on cases. I feel disgusted with myself sometimes. I wish I’d waited. Sex was great when it happened, I liked it, it took my mind off shit in my life, but afterward it’s horrible. When they left or I left, it was the grossest feeling. Even if I stay ‘till morning, it ain’t the same. As much as I’d like to say casual sex is healthy and normal. I can’t say that’s the case for me. It was worse when I started dating her. I felt unworthy, I don’t even think she cares about who I fucked in the past, but I do.

I know all these things are bad and I can’t fucking change it. I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t know where to even start with myself. I’m too fucked up, I think so, I can’t be fixed. I can’t possibly make her happy forever. I’ll fuck up along the road. She probably won’t forgive me. I never expect her to.

I hear a knock on my door and I close the box, casually putting it back inside before getting up. My knees creak and I feel old suddenly, tired, too. I turn around to face the woman I love most. She has the softest look in her eyes and her lips form the saddest smile.

I still wonder if she can see how ugly I am.

“I haven’t changed my mind,” I tell her, sitting down on the box. Her eyes flicker down to my shoes and she sighs, then steps forward.

“I never expected you to,” she murmurs. She wraps her arms around my neck and I bury my face in her stomach.

We stay that way for a while. She feels warm and comfortable, my hands rest on her hips and my thumbs brush beneath the cropped, white shirt she’s wearing. Her skin is soft and warm, I know she appreciates Cas’ healing, choosing to erase any damage from monsters we’ve encountered. She smells sweet and expensive, the scent of her perfume lingers on her clothes, it’s familiarity makes me warm inside.

I pull away to look up at her. She watches me curiously, her eyes drift over my face, and she looks content as she does it. I take her wrists shyly, I kiss her pulse like she’s done to me a billion times before, and I quietly admit: “I just can’t trust him, I’m afraid you’ll get hurt or something worse. I can’t do it. I can’t let you do it without knowing everything...”

“I know that,” she tells me. There's a hint of irritation in her voice that hurts me, but then she gets down onto her knees and takes my face in her hands. “I can’t control how you feel, Dean, I can only control how I feel, and I need to do this.” She explains it to me as gently as she can, and while I can understand where she’s coming from, I just don't care. I’d lock her in the dungeon if it meant she wouldn’t do it, but I know that’s extreme. I know she’d hate me for it, I’d hate to be controlled that way again, too. That’s the only thing that stops me. “Dean, please be with me when I do it,” she begs softly.

I want to cry and break something out of frustration. She’s stubborn as hell, just as much as I am. Instead, I grab her face and I kiss her roughly. She moans lowly, surprised by the suddenness of my affection, but she returns my kiss. I pour into her how much I hate this idea, how much I need her to listen to me, how much I love her.

When I pull away, she chases my mouth to continue the kiss, and I can’t deny her. She matches my possessiveness when I press my lips against hers again. I can tell what she's trying to say with the way she effortlessly slides her tongue into my mouth, tugs my hair, and draws a deep grunt from my chest. Her kiss is intoxicating and I suddenly regret teaching her everything she knows.

I pull away with so much effort and I pant against her wet lips. Her nose brushes against mine when she pulls back further to gaze at me. She returns with a smile and kisses the corner of my mouth. “If something happens-”

“It won’t,” she interrupts me. She kisses my jaw and I tilt my head in the direction that she pulls my hair.

“But if it does… I love you,” I confess, my voice raspy. Her lips freeze on my pulse and I feel my body go rigid. I know I’ve told her before and she’s reciprocated, but I still, always fear she won’t return the sentiment.

“If you only say that when you think we’re gonna die, I’d prefer that you never say it at all,” she said quietly, pulling away from me. I watch her sit down with an unreadable expression on her face and I wonder what she’s thinking as my heart sinks into the very hands that rest openly on her lap.

“Guys, everything’s ready,” Sam says softly from the door. We both look up at him and we nod without saying a word. He hesitates, watches us carefully, his clever eyes gather information, and then he walks away.

I help her up off the floor and the air around us is thick. There’s a distance between us and I wonder how fucked up we are that I don’t even know how we got to this point when just a few seconds ago, I had my mouth pressed aginst hers. I know that the problem goes deeper than just what’s happening now, but I don’t know how I’ve managed to miss the stuff that bothers her.

I feel a little hope spark in my chest when her hand brushes against mine, even though it hurts, I hope she doesn’t take it from me. Her slim fingers tickle my palm and I clasp her hand fully inside my own, walking with her slowly to where Sam and Rowena were waiting in the library.

Everything was shifted around the place, once we got there. The tables were pushed against the shelves so that there was a big open area now where Sam placed a plastic sheet over the wooden floor, to allow Rowena to paint marks over it for the spell. The air smelled spicy and flowery, tickling my eyes, the smoke made the library grey, and I felt sick again.

“Okay, I need you to lay down in the centre and hold the rock right here,” Rowena demonstrated to her once we stepped inside the library.

She did as Rowena asked. I felt more and more anxious as the minutes passed, but soon, Rowena was chanting some magic words in another language while Sam inspected what was happening like a good little apprentice. If anything went wrong I was ready to jump in and stop whatever the hell kind of spell they were working on. It would be reckless, but I can’t stand the thought of her getting hurt.

Nothing happens for a few minutes, but the rock starts to glow in the centre of her chest. It begins to crack, pure white light breaks through, and I look over to her face to check that she’s alright, but she looks more sleepy than in pain. I can tell she’s not really here by the empty look in her eyes she gets when she’s bored or deep in thought.

Despite the lack of discomfort in her face, I can’t seem to relax. I just know something will go wrong, it always does. I see Rowena move back slightly and I look over at the witch with concern before looking back at my girlfriend who’s surrounded by the right of pure white cloud that looks like a whole galaxy of bright dust with gold and opal.

It’s not until Rowena begins to aggressively chant her spell that I visibly start to freak out. It reminds me of possession, the way the cloud of smoke starts to rise to get inside her. The white rock bursts and sends pieces of itself flying across the room before it dives right into the centre of her chest where the rock had been before.

I can hear her start to cry and there’s suddenly pulses coming from her. She scrambles up suddenly and I walk towards her to help her get out, but Sam stops me with his hand wrapped tightly around my elbow. I freeze and watch helplessly as she hunches over while she sits on her legs, as if her stomach was hurting.

“Don’t fight it,” Rowena announced in between incantations, “control the way you feel.” I can hear her sobs and I yank my arm from Sam’s grip with a glare. When I get closer, Sam doesn’t stop me. She shouts and I can tell she lets go completely. Suddenly it’s like the polarity reverses, it just stops and it sits there before it begins to move inside of her faster, and it ends just as quickly.

It’s quiet now. I gaze down at her cautiously and I step forward as the glow in her chest dims and I can see that she’s crying. Tears are running down her face, but she looks up at me blankly.

“Are you okay? Did it hurt?” I ask her tenderly, kneeling down. I take her wrists and I can feel the erratic beat of her heart. I search her eyes and she’s smiling now, like that didn’t just happen.

“No, I’m fine,” she laughs softly. I break a smile, but I’m still worried, and I cup her warm face in my hands, wiping tears from her red cheeks.

“You’re crying,” I whisper, kissing her forehead. She pulls away and takes my hand to examine my wet thumbs. She looks at them with confusion and then wipes her wet eyes, seeing for herself that she’s definitely crying.

“Those aren’t my tears,” she tells me. Before I can say anything, I see the floor beneath us suddenly transform into hexagonal shapes, showing small places I’ve never seen before—like photographs.

“Dean!” I hear Sam shout, but then the woman in my arms yelps when it starts to fall apart underneath us and we fall through. There’s nothing around us when we're falling and we cling to each other. Suddenly, there’s another hexagonal thing in the middle of the dark abyss and we start to fall through it—inside a building instead. I’m certain we’re gonna die.

But as we get a few centimetres above ground, I tighten my grip around her small body and we stop. There’s no impact, no pain, no sound. I open my eyes and I see the marble floor as it grazes my nose and then we fall the last distance with no problem.

“See? Nothing bad happened, you are wrong sometimes, Dean.” I look up, away from the girl underneath me whose head is tilted up towards the familiar voice with a smile on her face. I see myself. Definitely an older version of me with stubble—almost a beard—and longer hair. He’s wearing a black turtleneck and a black coat. It looks fucking awesome, but I think this guy was flirting with my girl in her dreams, so I glare at him instead.

“Who are you? What is this place? And what did you do to my girlfriend?” The guy only laughs, he’s not looking at me, he’s looking down at her. She’s looking at him like she’s his biggest fan in the world, but under the silent stare it’s like there’s some inside joke I’m not a part of and I feel so irritated.

“I’m you, from a future that doesn’t exist anymore,” he starts, finally looking at me, “this place is.. well, mostly I watch the multiverse, I can see all the timelines, make sure no one’s in danger. The most important job is preventing God from doing what he did before.” I look around at the room we’re in. The walls are black—architecturally speaking, everything is geometric. The lights are dim and there are destroyed statues along the walls in the hallway. The floor is dark red, shiny, but only acts as a rug would. The ceiling is tall, almost endless, and I’m sure there is actually no ceiling at all. “As for what we did to her..'' he trails off and bites his lip. “Long story short, we gathered your variants before they were killed off by Chuck and we put their souls in the rock. When you absorbed it, it made you powerful, not a soul-bomb like Dean. I’m talking about your dreamwalking abilities,” he explains to her.

“We who?” I ask. He’s about to answer, but I’ve got a million questions running through my mind the longer he talks and the longer I’m here. “How many variants, or whatever, is that, then? Also, what do you mean she’s more powerful?” She reaches out for my wrist and I look down at her, but I can’t calm down, I can’t slow down. I have no idea where we are or why they want her here. “And what does Jack think about all this?”

The older me laughs and shakes his head at me. It pisses me off. He’s handsome, but I’ll punch him anyway.

“Come on, I’ve got a meeting soon,” he told us, then started walking down the seemingly endless hallway. The doors opened strangely, one door slid upwards, but behind it was another door that sunk down into the floor. When we stepped outside, everything was black, there was a faint white light in the distance and the body of what looked like a leviathan. Not the ones we know, but the things without a human meat suit.

“Is this the future or something?” I ask. It’s all terrifying. I look down and see there’s a whole other level, and it’s all connected like a maze or a labyrinth. The floor we walk on to the next pyramid-like building is an opaque crystal structure that I know is thick as hell, but I’m scared shitless anyway. There’s no wind blowing, not even a sound, but when the older version of me speaks, his voice bounces strangely around us.

“Uh… see that bright light? That’s the beginning of time, all of this here, is the end. We’re technically in between,” he clarifies.

“So… wait, she can time travel?” I ask, somewhat delighted at the thought.

“Yeah, dreams are the easiest way to time travel,” he chuckles, “I use Baby to time travel. It’s my personal, sexy, TARDIS. Thanks to Jack, but he regrets that now.” He laughs heartily at that and I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty jealous of the fact that he’s upgraded to a time travelling Impala. “Anyway… uh, there were only twenty six other variants of you,” he tells her. The small number shocks me, but I don’t dwell on it for long because she doesn’t seem phased. I’ll have to talk about that with her later. “And that portal you fell through? That’s what your abilities do now. When Jack would use your abilities, you could see them like picture frames in your mind, but now you can access them at any point, whenever you want.”

I look above and I can see there’s still more monuments above us somehow floating in the air, or maybe they’re being held by another structure, but I’m not sure. If we weren’t outside, risking our lives and falling off the walkway, I’d be amazed by this place. Whatever it is.

“As for what Jack thinks of this place,” he laughs heartily and looks at us. I can see sadness in his eyes, he can’t hide his emotions from me, but I don’t think he cares about that because he doesn’t look away. “I think I annoy him so much he doesn’t even care what I do anymore, besides he can’t destroy this place. It’s God-proofed. As for you, he won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“I don’t understand why you want me to be powerful,” she wonders out loud to him after a while. We’re standing by another door, this one opens like elevator doors, and the room is brighter. There’s gold, sparkling gems, and giant jewels scattered on the floor.

“I just wanted to find a way to keep you safe indefinitely,” he told her with a shrug. I pause for a moment, maybe he’s not as bad as I made him out to be. This whole time I was busy thinking he was endangering her, but he might actually be trying to keep her safe. I still think there’s something romantic going on, considering that it’s me, considering that he’d go through all that trouble to keep her safe. I wouldn’t do all that for just anyone. “I’m always checking on you, making sure you’re safe. I honestly spend so much of my time focusing on you instead of the whole multiverse,” he admitted bashfully. “I don’t think that’s a problem, but.. I think I’m in love with you enough, and you’ve already got your Dean. Also… I have people depending on me to focus on the job, which is way better than hunting, honestly,” he laughed nervously.

I narrowed my eyes at him for admitting that. He doesn’t seem phased because I look over and she’s blushing, trying to act normal. She’s never had a reaction like this to any other man who’s hit on her, but now that it’s someone who has my face, she’s acting the way she acts with me when I do it. I know she can’t control it, it’s me after all, but it makes my chest burn with jealousy.

“Listen, dude, I get that you’re all fucking awesome with your costumes and running this place, but stop hitting on her, okay?” I ask sarcastically with a tight smile.

“Dean,” she scolds me. She grabs my sleeve, tugs lightly, and she looks so fucking adorable right now, it’s making it hard for me to stand my ground.

“No, okay,” I groan exasperatedly, tugging away from her. “What the fuck, guys? I mean… seriously. Nothing in our lives is normal, but this shit is literally- I don’t even know what to make of any of this! It’s fucked up, you’re in love with her when you’ve never met her? What the hell?” I tug at my hair and then I slide my hands tiredly down my face.

She blinks up at me like I just told her the most insane conspiracy theory and I sigh. Her face softens and she hugs me instead of saying something. She nuzzles her face into my chest and I hear her breathe me in. Her arms are tight around my waist and I finally return her embrace, I kiss the top of her head, and my entire body releases the tension I’ve been keeping inside me since we started talking to Rowena.

“I get it. It’s me and you don’t even trust yourself,” the other Dean begins, “but when we sleep, we dream about each other's lives. We dream of her.” She pulls away from me and I force myself to look away to consider his words. “All of us. In every universe, every version of you. We see how close to happily ever after you are with the kindest, loving, most caring woman to exist in the entire multiverse. We want what you have, as fucked up as everything else in your life is, you’ve got this one good thing. And you do so much to fuck it up. You don’t have to trust us, but trust that she’ll stay with you.”

I think quietly to myself. As much as it irritates me, I should put myself in her shoes, too. She has to deal with hundreds of girls flirting and throwing themselves shamelessly at me and she never makes a big deal out of it. It’s because she trusts me that she doesn’t give a shit what they say or do. She jokes with me when they give me their numbers, claiming she’ll give them a call when she needs someone to babysit me. If they flirt, she’ll teasingly repeat it and bother me about it for the rest of the day. Whatever it is, she laughs and makes the best of something people would feel generally insecure about. That’s because at the end of the day, she’s the one I’m sleeping next to, she’s the one I’m waking up to, she’s the one who spends every second of every day at my side.

Nobody can compete with that.

The sound of doors opening thankfully breaks the silence. I don’t have to admit he’s right, but I look down at her in my arms, and her eyes tell me she knows exactly what I’m thinking.

“Sir, I’ve been look-” another voice that sounds like mine breaks us apart and I’m only half-surprised to see myself wearing that stupid Ken Doll suit Zachariah dressed me in for kicks to prove a stupid fucking point. “Oh…” Like the older version of me, he gawks at the woman who’s standing in front of me.

“Dean, this is.. well, this is ridiculous actually, I don’t gotta introduce us,” older Dean chuckles. The younger looking version of me has a cart with cardboard boxes and he continues to bring them towards us. “Also, don’t call me sir, we’ve talked about this,” he adds good-naturedly with a smile and a shake of his head.

“Uh, sorry. Hi,” Ken-Doll steps closer to her and, of course, my woman is on cloud nine. “Wow, you’re way more beautiful than I dreamed,” he breathes out. I puff my cheeks trying to hold back saying something snarky in response. But all self-control nearly leaves my body when she fucking giggles shyly and rubs the back of her neck.

“Okay!” Older Dean did something before I did, and the spell between Ken and my lover broke. “Did you get the files for Lush?” He asks Ken-Dean, giving me the side-eye, as if to tell me to cool down. I swear every version of me has gotten on my nerves without me having to meet any of them.

“Yeah… uh, yes, we’ve got her background, which universes she actually exists in, her status, what’s she’s currently doing, what she can do… y’know, the basics,” Ken informs him. Older me takes off the top of one of the boxes, sifts through files, and nods his head proudly.

“Great, so the team you’re leading? It’s all good?”

“Yes, we’ll be focusing on this case for the time being, keeping an eye on her,” he discloses, “we all agree she could be a danger to the timeline.” Both me and her are completely absorbed in the conversation they’re having. I’m curious about whatever the fuck they’re doing and why all those words sound so badass in a sentence together.

“We’ll talk about that later.”

“Right, the meeting, let’s walk together?”

Older Dean gave me a tight smile and I followed them both with my quiet girlfriend by my side. I should relax, there’s no harm in being in love with someone so long as they don’t make a move and I have nothing to be afraid of when it comes to her. She’s still standing next to me, her hand finds my wrist and I tug her into my side. She stumbles and laughs softly, letting me put my arm around her shoulders while she wraps her arm around my waist.

In just a few minutes, we walk by a whole bunch of me’s wearing soldier-like uniforms, they’ve all got numbers across their backs, a logo of a shooting star with the words ‘THE MONUMENT’ on their chest. Despite having been serious, they cracked upon seeing her, too. Their faces carried little smiles after passing her and her cheeks were red from all the attention she was getting.

“So, do we get chosen by Jack or how does this whole thing work?” I ask, trying to get her attention away from the hot soldiers. At least I know she’s attracted to me in every shape and style.

“Jack has no power here,” the older me reassured us again. “Typically, after the variants lose everything or once they die, they’re given the option to come here… we’re never surprised that they prefer to be here, surrounded by the rest of us, getting a chance to be closer to you.”

“Can’t be easy facing each other, knowing how you are,” she says astutely. I was thinking the same exact thing.

“Yeah, well… you changed all of that for us,” this time Ken spoke up. She looks up at them attentively and a little smile tugs at her lips.

There’s another me leaning against the wall by the door we’re about to go into. He’s smoking a cigarette and he’s covered in tattoos. I can see them peek out of the neck of his t-shirt, both arms are covered in sleeves of art, and he smirks as soon as he sees her. I roll my eyes, I know what to expect from every version of me that I see. Especially if they feel some sort of gratitude towards her for undoing all the horrible things they were put through against their will.

“Fuck, baby, look at you,” he praised. He even has the audacity to take her chin between his fingers and angle her face in his direction. She averted her gaze shyly, but I can tell she melts into him, especially when he brushes his thumb gently across her lip. He bites his own and I think about how lucky they are that she loves them because they’re alternative me’s. “At least one of us got lucky.” He let her go gently and took another drag of his cigarette before getting out of the way to get inside the room with us.

“Which Dean is that?” She asks quietly, but I can sense a bit of excitement in her tone. I squeeze her against my side as a warning, but she snorts at me.

“The original Dean Chuck had in mind,” older me replied, holding the door open for a few other ‘variants’ of myself to enter after us.

“Hot,” she hummed flagrantly.

“Sweetheart,” I beg quietly. It makes both the older and younger me laugh.

“Dean, it’s the truth, but I’m messing with you,” she laughs, too.

“You’re unbelievable.” Still, I can’t stop the smile on my face.

“You’d do the same if you were in a room filled with a bunch of other variants of me,” she reasoned, dragging me over to where there were empty seats. It wasn’t next to the older me, or Ken me, or tatted me. Next to her was a variant of me with a beard, a plaid neckerchief like a cowboy, wearing a tactical vest. Next to me was an alternate version of me wearing a black t-shirt with a firefighters’ logo.

Now that I’m sitting here looking at every variant of me around the hexagonal table, I start to realise this is literally a room filled with her sex fantasies of me. I can recall having worn most of these costumes when we have roleplayed for sex. She would dress up in something sexy for me, too, it was our thing.

I leaned towards her as the older me started talking about that Lush chick Ken me had been talking about. She leans into me to listen closely to what I have to say. “D’ya think they’ve seen us have sex?” I whisper discreetly. I notice the way her eyes widen and pink starts to glow over her cheeks. “Maybe… think they’ve had a little love session with their hand thinking of you? I don’t doubt it..” I whisper crudely. She shifts in her seat and I feel so smug now, I grab her rolling chair and I pull her closer.

“I bet they’re always thinking of you. Even after bangin’ some random chick, they wish it was you in their bed. They’re probably single on purpose, miserable with anyone that isn’t you. I would be. I’d never be able to settle down with anyone as long as I dream of you. I’d be happier alone than with some girl I like halfway knowing my whole heart and soul belongs to you and you alone. Ever across the entire multiverse. I’d choose you.” I press my lips to her warm cheek, then I let my mouth move over hers to kiss her properly. She tilts her head in my direction and accepts my tongue into her mouth when I tease the seam of her lips.

“Dean,” I hear older me’s voice. I pull away from her mouth and I lick my lips, staring down at her as she tries to recompose herself. Everyone is staring at us and I know they’re definitely me because they don’t even look away when I catch them.

“I’m not sorry about that,” I say smugly, “you all wanna do it anyway.” I feel her hand squeeze my thigh and I stay quiet, but so does the rest of the room. After a few minutes of silence, older me starts to talk again about a plan of action in case Lush gets out of hand. I lean forward again and I ask her one last thing, “you want them to fuck you, don’t you?”

She blushes harder somehow and she takes the cold glass of water in front of her to cool down. I don’t need her to answer verbally, her body language is enough to tell me just what she’s thinking. My brain starts to imagine ways I could fulfil her fantasy when the bearded me talks to her and asks, “did the boss tell ya what he did, then?”

He appears more thoughtful about the question he asks than like he wants to gossip. The question piques my interest and I lean towards him. He’s watching us closely, there’s no jealousy or envy, his presence is just full of love and respect like every other me has exuded since we’ve crossed paths. “‘S nothin’ we all wouldn’t do,” he defends, almost as if he thinks I’m trying to get proof that this place is too good to be true. Like a true me, he suspects I’m waiting for the shoe to drop.

“What did he do?” I asked, hoping I didn't sound urgent. The three of us lean in as subtly as we could to hear each other.

“He disintegrated his whole timeline by saving you.”

➥ the love letter collection : part two

taglist

@rominaszh @livingdeadmak @lanassmarty @murdockscumsock @zepskies @candy-coated-misery0731 @kellynickelss @stxrgazer03 @epsilonsagittarii @lyarr24 @spnfamily-j2 @jessllianaquilesrolonworld @globetrotter28 @deansbbyx @lickmybawls @jackles010378 @winchstrdean @deanwinchestersgirl87 @the-achievementhunter @laylaackles @deanfreakingwinchester @k-slla @madzzz0797

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[dhmis-autism]

im new to dhmis tumblr do you have any dhmis blogs you recommend i check out?

OH HIIIII HI HI HI OKAY SO. I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS IN THE LIL. tumblr dhmis sphere and theyre all great and lovely and I'll introduce you to them all and YOU can decide who you want to follow okay? OKAY!!

First up is my lovely friend Lulu @lulu-draws-stuff who has a cute very crayony pastelly style! :] They also have a keen fashion sense and love drawing the guys in new and fun outfits! They also have some very cute funny comics in there that I very much reccomend -v- )b

Next is my good friend Sodie.. @mtsodie who also runs the account @dailydogdadduo and he has a very textured, experimental style with a lot of variety! Very fun! A lot of his pieces like, you could swear were by different people if you didnt know better, that's how good he is at it!

Also my friend @its-mayo0 draws a TONN of great DHMIS stuff, their style is very loose and colorful! It's extremely funny stuff and I love the way they mix cartoonish antics/proportions with sincerity, their stuff is SOOO FUN!!

theres also @carehounds which is run by my buddy Fio! Theyre most well known iirc for spurring off the little fandom thing of people making their own versions of the trios? Though if you're new you might not know that. Good stuff, esp if you want to see a new spin on the old guys!

There's also all these great pieces from other friends of mine who aren't necessarily DHMIS centric blogs!

On the more written side of things, one of my friends Pere ( @marsupials-of-mars ) is actually writing a pretty good fanfic atm that's still currently updating- but they also do art as well if youre SOLELY looking for that.

Then there's Am @gnomeniche who I believe is mostly well known for their DHMIS analysis posts, they break down a lot of different aspects of the characters and the show (usually with a twinge of meta in the analysis) and, like Pere above, also make fanart on top of that! Though I will warn you a bit that their analysis is very… academicy? Lots of complex concepts and big words that you might not fully get on the first go round. But thats okay! Theyre lots of fun to reread! ^_^ )b

Also in the analysis sphere is my friend Gray @yellow-pig! They also do a pretty good job breaking things down and they talk often about theories and parallels and reoccurring elements in the show, some that I didn't even notice myself! Very fun. As with my other analysis friends, they ALSO draw some! Isn't that wonderful! How the love of this show supersedes mediums!

Also on the writing side but more on the funny side I would say is definitely Roswells' DHMIS blog @joepelling , lots of headcanons and jokes and fun info about the people BEHIND DHMIS. Their side blog, @dailythreeofthem is also really good if you want references for drawing the main three yourself!

I hope this was helpful and I hope it was a good start!! :D

#my dhmis postings #kind of #ANYWAYS CHECK OUT MY FRIENDS I LOVE MY FRIENDS

[lowkeyrobin]

Hellooo, I was wondering if you could do MCYT with an S/O who has ADHD? (Mostly hyperfixates on horror games, etc.) I personally have a bad habit of walking around till my legs are sore (my leg has been sore for the past three days please help I can't get rid of this energy ahh-) and how MCYT would react to that/stop Y/N from. Doing that lol

HELP THIS IS SO REAL BAHAHHAHABA ; thank you for the request 🫶🫶 ; sorry if anything seems a little wrong, I'm kinda looking into if I have adhd but obv idk and I'm not diagnosing myself, but I obviously am not diagnosed so I don't know the full ins and outs and I know it's a spectrum, so uh yeah 👍 hopefully I did good lol

MCYT ; ADHD shenanigans

includes ; tommyinnit, tubbo, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu & quackity

warnings ; language

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

he'll walk into your stream, sit down, look at your screen, then blankly stare at you when he realizes what you're playing

"Dude. are you streaming FNAF again?"

you nod with a smile "yupppp"

he spends the rest of your stream talking to chat and trying to scare you more

you're just talking about the lore and shit and he's loosely hanging onto it LMAO

if you're just like pacing around the house he'll look up at you like "bro you okay?"

will genuinely join in as well, he's always got the energy

he doesn't mean to enable like hurting yourself to a point, but once he realizes he is kind of enabling it he'll immediately stop

"sit down, here, skip leg day for once, focus on those noodle arms of yours"

"says you! the fuck?"

TUBBO

he'll walk into your bedroom for the first time in like a month and just see posters and little trinkets and merch of your new fixation and be like "christ, man"

"I'm a little hyperfixated"

"I see that. also considering the 150 hours worth of streams you've put into FNAF, yeah..."

he gets you a vr headset and buys you the fnaf vr games.

he doesn't understand how you have so much energy but it's whatever

"dude, sit down, your legs are gonna fall off, you've been pacing for like three hours! drink some water at least"

"tubbo, I can't! I have too much energy and I can't get rid of it"

that commences three hours of wrestling in the living room 💀🙏

RANBOO

let's you rant about your fixations and the lore and whatnot

I mean they won't deny that the Blair Witch Project video game is really good

they even buy you posters of the Blair Witch Project movie and video game (we don't talk about the movies after the first...)

even gets you merch off the official game site too (if that exists? I'm not sure istg there was merch tho)

they start to get a little fixated on it too considering they love hearing about the lore and theories from you and stuff

they even play it on stream and dedicate it to you

"thanks for the content y/n"

when you're running through the house, he'll race with you for a while before finding some other ways for you to release energy without making yourself sore

at one point he just gives you coffee that way you'll crash and burn after a few hours

I mean at least you don't feel like your legs are about to pop off your body

FREDDIE BADLINU

invested in the resident evil lore because of you

"I saw this and thought of you" AND ITS A LEON KENNEDY EDIT LMFAOOO

I mean yeah

loves hearing you rant about the games and everything, he could listen to you talk for hours

when you're all strung up on energy he also enables it without realizing at first

when he can tell it's more than just being energetic he'll help you find ways to calm down

if need be, he'll read to you, instant sleep I swear

or when he starts talking you'll be fully invested in his words

"yknow, Google listed among us as a horror game and I really cannot-"

NIKI NIHACHU

the amount of dead by daylight merch and the amount of money that you've spent on it is kinda concerning

but she loves listening to you rant about how the kill animations are so awesome and about new maps and characters and dlcs

I mean it's your current fixation, of course she'd listen to every single word you'd have to say

she even plays with you on stream a lot as well

when you're strung up on energy, she'll take you out for a run, you're like a dog on a leash though because she's not trying to lose you

"niki, come on! I wanna see the water snakes!"

"I'm coming, I can't sprint like you do, darling!"

QUACKITY

"of all the games, why is five nights at freddy's the one you're fixated on?"

he loves hearing you rant and explain lore and theories to him tho

genuine love language

he'll even play it on stream with you

"and the purple guy basically killed all the kids, and the kids basically scared him into the springlock suit and it literally killed him so he possesses that suit now-"

he'll just joke about the amount of energy you have

like Ranboo, will serve you coffee so you can crash and burn considering you end up begging him to help you

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt x reader #mcyt preferences #mcyt oneshot #tommyinnit x reader #quackity x reader #ranboo x reader #badlinu x reader #tubbo x reader #freddie badlinu x reader #niki nihachu x reader #nihachu x reader #gn reader #gender neutral reader #they/them reader

[uvuyai]

—#𝐈'𝐦 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞

-:+°Genre : it's technically a cracfic but I'll say lime depends on what I write

-:+°Pairings * Byakuya/reader, Nagito/reader, Kokichi/reader,

-:+°Synopsis .» he marks you with a paint brush and black paint.

-:+°Implies // gn! reader, antagonist marking one of your anatomy parts not organs, licking, biting, hickey, 🤷, this came to my mind when i was reading a fic, jealousy, mentions of other characters, spoilers in Nagito parts but okay, possessive nature, i might to the protagonist or random characters that fits,

𝐁𝐲𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐲𝐚 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐢 ♛

—✰┆ You always hangout with Makoto and/or Chihiro than you do with him. You were persistent and oblivious when it came to answering questions other gave you. It was about time he showed you where you belong, well, who you belong to.

"Oh, hey Byakuya." You said waving at him from light beyond afar. Without a warning he grabbed you by the shoulders and pushed you inside his dorm without saying anything in the process. "Hey Byakuya, what's going on?" You asked as he went into his closet to pull out a can of paint along with a brush.

You were confused as hell too why he pulled you in his room.. just to pull out paint..

"Get on the bed and lay on your back." He said with no emotion clear in his face.

"H-huh!?" You had mental shock all over.

"Do I need to repeat myself?" He said tapping his feet in a rythme like pattern.

"N-no, not at all." You said walking towards the bed, laying on your back as you were told too.

You looked at the opposite direction from where he was standing since you were filled to the absolute brim with second hand embarrassment.

You felt the bed sink on both side of your hips to see your boyfriend with his knees on both side of your waist. He was straddling you.

"Raise your shirt up," he said with the same face when he told you to lay on the bed.

You didn't want to disobey since he was a cruel person so you obligated his request and raised your shirt up not too high but above your stomach not showing your bosom.

'Looks like he's observing my stomach?' you mentally asked yourself.

He soon dipped the paint brush into the black paint that was on the floor, letting the access drip into the paint before drawing on your stomach.

It tickled so you started squirming around.

"Stop moving, i'm almost done." He said grabbing your waist with his unoccupied hand to stop you from moving.

"Mnn." You mumbled trying to keep in a laughter.

From what you can tell he was writing his name and a price?

Was he planning on selling you or setting a bounty on you? You seriously started to panicking.

"W-what are you doing 'Kuya?" You said but you knew what he was doing so you asked just to clarify your claim.

"I'm marking what's mine."

𝐍𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐨 𝐊𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐞𝐝𝐚☘︎

—✰┆Nagito is a quick jealous individual from what you learned from his body language. He was sick, and tired of you hanging out with Hajime than with him most of the time. He doesn't want too loose you to that talentless rat, he already lost three people, well one not fully human. You were an intimidating person but would get soft overtime with certain people.

"Hey, what's up Nagito," you said giving him a low wave as you stood in front of him. Without a single warning he lifted you and threw you ober his shoulder. To what you thought, he was bringing you to his dorm. You were right but you thought he just wanted to cuddle with you. But oh boy, you were wrong.

When you got a chance, you saw he had paint with a brush on top, well slanted within the paint.

He sat on his bed, with you still on his shoulder before pulling you down by your thighs which made you sit on his lap. He started to stare intently into your eyes mumbling something that wasn't intelligible to you.

"Lift your shirt." He said tugging at the hem of your shirt.

"Eh!?" You were in complete shock from what he was saying.

"I though we wer-" "I said, lift your shirt." He said holding the paint brush into his hand.

"I- okay, fine," you said rolling your eyes while lifting your shirt.

He was observing your stomach to have an angle. He started writing on your stomach which tickled which caused to you to move the slightest.

"Stop moving will you?" He said looking up and pausing his writing.

"S-sorry, Nagito." You stuttered.

He was finished writing from what you thought since you didn't feel the brush write on your stomach. That's not until he drew a upside down heart?

"There," he said proudly from his work. "Stand up so I can get a better view.

You groaned but stood thinking he would force you upon something if you didn't stand up.

"Okay, what the hell did you write on me!" You yelled, you asked that since you couldn't see what was written in your perspective.

"I wrote my name, and a heart to show my love for you." He said.

"But why!" You yelled at him still holding your shirt up.

"I'm marking what's mine.”

𝐊𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢 𝐎𝐮𝐦𝐚♧

—✰┆ He may act all tough and hard, but when he see his well know significant other hanging out with others than him, his mask starts to slip and he goes into a rage of jealousy.

He hates ot when you hangout with Kaito, his quote 'best friend '. He thinks your hanging out with him is because your getting annoyed of his silly antics and tricks he plays, but he keeps second guessing himself when it comes to mind.

He always had those crocodile tears when you said you have to go somewhere or overseas.

"Y/N-SAN WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME!?" he said yelling into your ear as he jumped onto your back which caused you too stumble a bit.

"I'm not even avoiding yo-" "Nevermind that! Let's go!" He chimed grabbing your hand leading you to god knows where.

You enter his dorm room and saw a can of paint with a brush on the side of it. 'I never guess Kokichi would be into painting.' you thought as you sat on his bed.

"Okay Y/n, raise your shirt will you?" He said tilting his head and giving you a irritated like closed eye smile.

"Hm? Why?" You were completely confused.

"Sigh, just do it for me will you?" He said sighing, his cold breath hitting your chest.

As he said, you obeyed, lifting your shirt up. At one chance you flashed Kokichi.

You saw him dip the paint brush into the black paint, letting the access drip off as he walked back towards you. Without a single warning he pushes you onto your back and started painting on your stomach?

"Uhh, what are you doing?" You asked, you weren't given a clear view of what he was doing.

"I'm almost done Y/n-san," he said woth his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth.

"There!" He chimed looking at the work on your stomach he did.

"Something's missing.." he mumbled placing his index finger and thumb on his chin. "Aha! I know," he chimed again.

You soon felt pain in your neck area. He was hovering around that area so you figured he bit their. You hissed in pain as he bit down. After he was done he started licking your neck whoch caused shivers to run down your spin.

"Now it's perfect!"he said dropping the brush as he clases his hands together.

"Uhh, why is this on my stomach?" You asked tilting your head.

"Ugh, I'm just marking what's mine,"

I left you with three cliffhangers 🌝

#SXXHIJKOX 2023® ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

#danganronpa #sdr2 goodbye despair #★superior #byakuya togami x reader #nagito komeada x reader #dr1 byakuya #dr1 trigger happy havoc #ndrv3 killing harmony #kokichi ouma x reader #cracfic #★superior writes #sdr2 nagito #ndrv3 kokichi #☆彡彡 My Daganronpa fics ミミ☆ #this just came to mind

[chubs-deuce]

Hi!! Love your artwork and your Charlastor AU with Dawn!!

I was wondering if you think Alastor would make any dawn-themed dad jokes and puns in your AU, and if he does, what would Dawn and Charlie think of them? I can’t really think of any off the top of my head right now, but I know ‘a brand new dawn’ is a phrase he could maybe use!

Again, love your art!!! If you don’t mind answering questions about it, do you have any advice for artists who want to improve their drawing or any practices that have helped you develop your skills? And are there any particular artists that really inspire you?

You’re one of my favorite artists and I don’t know how to explain it but your drawings have so much life in them!! 🌟

sdlksdflkj thank you so much omg!!!

I'm so glad you're enjoying them ;W;

And he would be insufferable with them lmfaoo, especially because I'm sure Charlie would hop in on a few of them and add to the pile as well xD

One more I can think of rn is "Oh, I was wondering where the sun went!" whenever Dawn enters a room, because the implied punchline is "but then it Dawned on me" or something? XD idk I'm not good with puns sadly

Now regarding the art advice!! This one got HELLA long so I'll hide it under a cut for everyone's comfort lmao

I know it sounds shallow and like worthless advice, but a huge huuuuge part of getting better at art is to just... make art! Practice makes perfect - it develops your motor skills, gives you somewhat of a muscle memory for certain basic shapes that are a necessity to have a good feel of for good foundation sketching.

Practice also develops your eye for compositing and for how color theory actually applies in practice, it basically helps you develop a more consistent grasp on art as a whole :D

There are some things I've learned over time that definitely helped speed things up though xD

here's some rough sketches I did just to demonstrate what my rougher drawings can look like - also a little diagram (on the right side of the image) of things I keep in mind for the average proportions of a human body!

I tend to sketch very loosely and try to capture the overall vibe and silhouette/rough shapes first before I even think about adding details - there's a certain flow, squish and stretch to everything that's just much easier for me to get a good feel for when I use quick, loose brush strokes and as few lines as possible to convey a concept.

Repeatedly sketching humanoid characters of various shapes, builds and sizes for years genuinely helped enormously in getting not only faster but also more consistent with it!

I'm fairly well practiced with hands and expressions especially at this point since I like to focus on those in my art often, so those come fairly easily to me as well now!

Something I learned along the way about keeping a certain liveliness to my artworks is that sometimes you have to forego anatomical correctness a bit if you want to fully express specific emotions - if you try too hard to keep everything perfectly proportional and realistic, it can make the outcome look stiffer than you might've aimed for - this is something I actually struggle with in my cleaner artworks :'D The ones I do proper lineart for, since a lot of the flow of the original sketch gets lost in the process haha

As for artists/artstyles that inspire me...

There's @/southpauz for example!

Her artstyle is unbelievably expressive and her eye for compositing and her use of shapes is SUBLIME - it inspired me to let loose more with my expressions, exaggerate features a bit more and to push the way I try to vary facial features :D

Then, back when I had that massive Rise of the TMNT phase, the artstyle of it has actually greatly influenced how I draw today!

It manages to be detailed and highly recognizable despite its deceivingly simple style - it exaggerates shapes and uses it to communicate personalities, emotions and action super effectively and taught me a lot about utilizing those more efficiently myself :D

And last but not least Ishida Sui - the mangaka behind Tokyo Ghoul (which used to be a highschool obsession of mine)

His striking use of colors, textures in abstract, yet symbolically heavy ways and his courage to be rough and expressive rather than looking polished, yet also having such a solid understanding of realism blew me the fuck away as a teen and still does now!!!

His art may have less of an influence on my style today than it used to back then, but I think in my more exagerrated, more horror-esque drawings you can kind of see it still :'D Either way I greatly admire him as both a writer and artist.

-----

I'm genuinely so so flattered that you enjoy what I do enough to give me such high praise, thank you so much for writing me such a wonderful ask <3 I'm glad I got to gush about some of my favorite artists/artstyles for a bit haha

If you have any more specific (digital) art related questions don't hesitate to reach out!! I love giving pointers about a subject I'm so passionate about, we don't gatekeep helpful information in this house!!! <3<3<3

#chubs answers #charlastor fankid #chubs ocs #dawn morningstar #art inspiration #art tips

[fuckyeahdindjarin]

Behind the Seams: Part III

Welcome to the first instalment of Behind the Seams! Thank you everyone who has responded so positively to this slightly self-indulgent idea I had. I know I take so long in between chapters, this seems like a fun way to keep you guys in the loop, and also to keep myself motivated and productive while I work by sharing my thoughts as I go.

This time, I'll be rambling about focusing on the characters as I'm still in the thick of developing personalities and interpretations in the Seams universe, and I'd love to put all the thoughts that have been rattling around my brain into words to help me process it.

I will be tagging these posts as 'behind the seams' together with the chapter number 'seams iii' so you can filter this out if you don't want to see them! For those who are interested, let's dive in below the cut!

Current status: 3.2k written, fully outlined rough draft with most of the dialogue drafted.

Initial thoughts: This chapter wrote far more easily than I expected to so far. Each story is different, but I tend to find the 3rd to 5th chapters hardest to write, when you're building up the shape of the arc of the whole series.

I'm still keeping my options open with regards to what Seams is or can be, but I'm still thinking 'loose fit series' i.e. there won't be a solid, overarching story arc or ending to the series since it's not a plot-driven story. It will be interesting to see if my approach changes after a couple more chapters!

The challenge: The first two instalments were so hyper-zoomed in on Joel and Pin, I knew that the challenge for this chapter is pulling back the camera and seeing how they interact with each other outside the safety of the Outfitters, and how they fit into the wider community.

Joel and Pin: I was re-reading Threads in preparation for writing Part III, and what strikes me is that these two really don't know a lot about one another. They've barely had a fully formed conversation despite the forced proximity and some very charged moments in the last two chapters. I've tentatively written most of their dialogue in this chapter, and it's interesting that a couple of times, I've stopped myself and thought - is this too playful for a shy person like Pin? Is it too familiar with two people who are practically strangers, despite their chemistry? It's a balance that I'll have to find as I edit, and I'm excited to see how it turns out.

Tommy: For some reason, Tommy comes fairly easily to me, a testament to Pedro and Gabriel’s chemistry on screen. Without giving too much away, I'm really happy with the angle I found for Joel and Tommy in this chapter. There's a lot to unpack between the two brothers, but the happy occasion means that I can focus on the good part of their relationship for now. However, I am keeping the tensions in their history in my back pocket because I don't want to gloss over the very real and three-dimensional relationship we saw in the series.

Ellie: I've talked about how I'm nervous about writing Ellie. My Pedro boys are all lone wolves - sure they have their best friends (Teak to Palomino!Jack, Santi to Grays!Frankie, Pete/Rebecca to Consent!Dieter), but Ellie is Joel's kid, and she's part of his life more than any BFF is to my other Pedro boys. Luckily, I have found an in with Ellie that I think works well with the story in Part III, and also fits in with the broader direction of the fic. It's going to be nerve-wrecking, but I'm ready to write her into Seams!

Tess: I'm not in a place to say too much yet about Tess, but it's so important to me that she isn't erased from the Seams universe despite her not being there. I've been thinking a lot about Tess lately, about how she will fit into the story, how Joel will fit Pin into his and in relation to Tess. There are no easy answers, and it will be something to mull over in the next few chapters.

Something fun: Ok, all this character stuff is pretty heavy, so I want to end on a light-hearted note - Joel's tummy makes a cameo in a white undervest 😌

And that's it for Behind the Seams: Part III! I feel a lot lighter having found a space for all the things I have been thinking about while drafting the chapter. I hope this was a fun deep dive for you guys as well, I'll be hitting Google Docs hard this weekend to try to get all of the writing done for Part III so that I can start editing next week. My askbox is always open if anyone wants to chat 🥰

#fuckyeahseams #behind the seams #seams iii

[mailjeevasfan]

it's summer soon/it's summer, soo.. how about going to a pool party with wammy boys + light & matsuda? (gender neutral s/o)

i love love love this rq tysm. i had too much fun with this i fully giggled to myself (i added misa too bc i felt that she would thrive in this environment)

-death note x gn! reader

-light, l lawliet, misa amane, mello, matt, near, matsuda

༺♡༻

death note characters at a pool party ❦

light

-he most likely would not be interested or wouldn’t have time post death note so i’m imagining this to be like his pre death note personality, but this can be whichever timeframe you want it to be

-he would be involving himself in whatever’s going on. marco polo? he’s ready. making snacks and drinks? he’s over there helping.

-he’d be super fun he’s probably used to a lot of social outings like this seeing as he’s super popular

-he would be talking to everyone and making sure everybody is having fun and not left out. but he would definitely make sure not to leave you out as well he’d be really cute and eager to show u off

༺♡༻

l lawliet

-i weirdly think that we would love it. more than you’d expect

-even if he stood in the pool and didn’t move he’d probably drown due to his posture. sorru idk why i said this the image of it is making me physically laugh

-anyways he’d be more likely to just hang around eating all the food before anyone even touches it. everyone kind of expected that though, they came prepared with extra everything

-he would want to analyse people’s behaviour a little too, since he’s another person who isn’t used to this kind of setting. it’d be more imperceptible though, i don’t think he’d just sit around watching and doing nothing. you’d be very proud that he did something that he usually wouldn’t even think about doing

༺♡༻

misa amane

-as i said, THRIVING.

-has picked out the cutest bathing suit and has the cutest little look going on and she especially wants u to notice. centre of attention for good reason

-she would get in the water to play a game or something but would mainly be sunbathing and hanging out with u.

-she’d take lots of cute selfies and would be the life of the party, her and matsuda would be the most outgoing people there

༺♡༻

mello

-bro is salty and no one knows why (IN A FUNNY WAY THO)

-basically just splashing everyone (near) and laughing maniacally. he’s had too many drinks and is ready to cause MAYHEM. whenever he beats near at a game, or loses for that matter, just run because all hell WILL break loose

-he would push u into the pool and then cannonball in after you (and do the cute underwater kiss thing)

-he does genuinely have a lot of fun tho. he would be very sociable and chatty.

༺♡༻

matt

-he’s not very sociable and you probably dragged him kicking and screaming to this party in the first place

-i hate to say it but he’s probably just smoking in the corner playing games on his phone LMAO

-he seems to think his social skills are terrible but once people start to talk to him they realise how witty and extroverted he can be and suddenly he’s the cool guy. he only talks to you and mello at first

-he’d probably stay super close to u tho and he would have enjoy it in the end. he would also push u into the pool and do the lil underwater kiss thing

༺♡༻

near

-he is definitely not used to such an outgoing and social environment. in fact he has not chilled out since 500BC

-he’s going to spent a bit of time analysing people’s behaviour and watching how this works so he can try to get involved a little more. he can be more sociable when he really tries

-he’d learn the rules of the games and stuff pretty quickly so he’d be able to get involved easily. most of it ends up being an involuntary competition with mello, but for once mello actually ends up victorious

-like l, you’re very proud of him for doing something out of his comfort zone

༺♡༻

matsuda

-he 100% organised the party. everyone needs a break tbh let’s be real

-he’d be the most sociable. he’s setting up all the games and making sure there’s tons of fun stuff going on at all times

-why do i feel like he’d also be the designated bartender. i feel that matsuda can whip up a mean cocktail fr

-wants to make it the best for you. he feels inadequate and useless sometimes so he wants to prove he can do something really well. you, ofc, love him regardless though

༺♡༻

#death note #mail jeevas #mello #mihael keehl #l lawliet #light yagami #misa amane #death note x reader #near #nate river #matsuda #mello x reader #light yagami x reader #l lawliet x reader #matsuda x reader #near x reader #mail jeevas x reader #matt #miss amane x reader

[himejoshiangels]

batgirl 2000 reread bcs I'm crazyy...IM NUTS!!!

her and that damned rose..what does it all MEAN!!! it makes a reappearance l8r...also I missed this dynamic so so bad. me when I'm in a seeing my kids as an extension of myself competition and my opponent is Bruce Wayne

I always forget how fucking potent and tension filled the first arc of this comic is man. it's like, bcs cass can't speak or even have thought bubbles everything's communicated via her actions or the words of the ppl around her. every panel she's in has to be chock-full of emotion and every time she interacted with someone the implications and the ffUCKKKKK‼️

the atmosphere in this damn comic man

I dunno man not to "back in my day!" when it wasn't even my day. but comics these days don't trust the audience even a little. there's always gotta be paragraphs of text having a character explicitly state every detail of their motivation and like not that old comics didn't also do that but at least the words they wrote were pretty like fuck man who are they hiring to write this shit anymorw

this transition is straight out of a movie. I know we say this with literally everything but if ANY comic in the world should get an animated show it has to be this one. top contender. it's formulated like one already, it's episodic w perfect overall themes and bigger plots. even the vibe is perfect, the grainy mtv cartoon thing it has going. every day I pray for a batgirl 2000 cartoon it'd go so crazy jsut adapt the shit straight

batgirl 2000 just keeps hitting you and doesn't let up bcs in the same episode SORRY issue..where cass meets lady Shiva for the first time is also the same issue where babs first begins to address her as Cassandra

^^WHICH IS CRAZY bcs we have to keep in mind that up to this point cass is nameless, she's only been referred to as batgirl. this is one of the first times she goes out as not batgirl too tho, bcs Bruce benched her. it's GAHHHHH that whole thing where vigilantes angst and drama abt titles and legacies and their individual identities is exacerbated so so bad for cass bcs batgirl is the first name she's ever given. like it's all she ever knew and ever was. Cassandra came after and THIS

THIS PANEL RUGHT HERE ohhh my god it makes me crazy. she's only batgirl. she doesn't even have the words to explain it yet. she's only a reflection of the city she's sworn to protect its all she is and at first its lowkey all Bruce let's her be. not to mention. her relationship w babs, I'll speak on them l8r can't do it now I'll explode

a 1:1 animated series man. it's all I can think about so so many iconic moments. I don't kill but I don't lose either is already as cold as cold gets. the way the comic is formatted already fully visualizes as animated in my brain and it's so so fun to watch

LIKE LOOK AT THIS!! cinematic as he'll and it's not even moving..

both cass and Bruce hit the bullseye like....

Cass's perfectionism is such an underrated character trait of hers (in like the greater batfam fandom and more modern comics not here, never here) bcs she literally sacrifices her life about it. she's so self detrimental about how not perfect she is anymore and Bruce's nonsense doesn't help either. man sees himself reflected in a teenage girl once and looses all his damn sense. I'm just, yea we know "mediocre for a life time or perfect for a year" < god that goes hard, but the true tragedy that is cass's inability to see how unnatural and upsetting it is that her mind works the way it does at all, that she can run into bullets head on but complains that she could do it with more skill when she was 6 or whatever like girl...never evr letting myself become desensitized to her trauma, David cain when I get you...

AND ANOTHER THING AND ANOTHER THING!!! KKKKKKKKK!! the sideplots and b plots and background characters in this comic..each of them are offered so much empathy by the narrative and are written purposefully to reflect or foil whatever cass's current conflic is all while feeling like fully fleshed characters even if they only appear for one issue

^^ I have feeling abt these panels but my lawyers are advising me not to speak atvthis ttime

THFUCKINH THE ROSE!!AGAIN!!! so sure this is old news but my running theory is that it definitely ties into cass's sense of self and identity outside of her living weapon status. this whole issue is prime babs v. bruce custody battle material bcs babs wants cass to be able to have a normal life, to be someone outside of batgirl bcs where she is now isn't healthy even a little bit but bruce argues that cass doesn’t need that, all she needs is her devotion to the mission < now we don't have time to unpack all that but in this moment we see her make the choice, dropping the rose. in the very first panel of the whole comic cass does the very same thing, she drops the puzzle (representing her childhood) in favor of violence bcs at the time its all she knows THE PARALLELS HELP HELP MEEE

AND AND THIS NEXT WHOLE PANEL is so evocative of the first few issues where cass couldnt yet put her emotions into words. just atmosphere and silence. BECAUSE she's confused!!! bruce says justice is what she needs that it will make her feel better, feel normal but it doesn't!! she looks over the city and still feels..feeling!!!! she picks the rose back up and extends a hand out to barbara bcs she was right, she not Bruce, she can't sit in a cave all alone all day and feel better (<which arguably doesn't even work for him either)

in the next few issues she meets steph and tim which is soo fun bcs letting cass have friends her age opens up so much for potential dynamics. especially her relationship w steph, not just in a stephcass way but in a narrative foil way, to me at least

next post I'll probably talk abt cass's guilt, self hatred, and need for atonement but we move‼️

#and thats the first 20 issues!! #posting now so it doesn't get too long but im still going #thought bubbles #batgirl #cassandra cain #dc comics #batgirl 2000 #bonus silly moments r joker singing oops i did it again by brittany spears and catwoman putting prerecorded scooby doo marathon on the tv #2000 posting

[revletter]

In the SMRPG remake, Geno is still around for the postgame fights. Here's a simple and awesome way they could explain that.

(I SO hope they do something even loosely resembling this. I have so many feelings, I made gifs about it.)

Up to this point, we know that there'll be post-game content where you get to fight bosses over again. And look, our blue guy, there he still is!

From this, it's safe to assume that in the remake, after Geno leaves to repair the Star Road, he turns right around and comes back.

Which is KIND OF A BIG DEAL. Because in the original game, it's heavily implied that for all practical purposes, he's certain this goodbye will be forever.

(😭)

For some time, I've had a little theory. I kind of desperately hope for some version of it to be part of the remake. Here it is:

Due to the events of SMRPG, ♡♪!? gets a merit promotion. Maybe, at the beginning of the story, he's not a full-blown Star Spirit (or whatever verbiage). But - as the one little star guardian valiant and capable enough to go down to the world to help save the entire Star Road - now he's become one!

And that comes with more freedom. Just imagine him crashing back down to Earth like "Yo GUESS WHAT PEOPLE, now I'm a STAR SPIRIT (or etc.) and I set my own schedule!" He can go back and see his friends! It's amazing!

And it fits exactly! With not a single caveat I can think of!

IN FACT, you might even say it's supported by a little discrepancy in some 27-year-old pixel art:

Remember the difference between Geno's first appearance and his last? He goes from this tiny lil twinkle guy... to a much bigger 5-pointed star. This is never explained....

((( Read on for my rationale, more gifs, and even more feelings )))

(the doll being bigger is not explained either, but humor me)

(and yes that IS him lighting things up like the Main Street Electrical Parade. I noticed that almost exactly a year ago and it rocketed this fandom back to the front of my So Cal Disney Kid brain so hard that I can't believe it took me so long to make this blog)

(only fitting that he would also usher in the remake reveal after an end like this. :'''D)

... But to me, it seems plausible that the little star's gotten stronger and grown! 💙

In the remake trailer, because I'm the kind of dweeb who does this, I went frame by frame trying to spot any telling differences -

(^ the scene where he's possessing the doll - this could just be a homage to the little twinkle he looks like in the original. even if that's all, I love the devs for it)

(more five-pointy? maybe? rev, did you just superimpose all the frames where Geno looks most five-pointy just so you could not quite prove anything? ABSOLUTELY)

Make of that what you will; all I can say so far is that we only see him kind of blobby. But what I'm secretly hoping is, maybe that's on purpose, so they can make it clearer in the game for the purpose of some big reveal like this. 😀

Anyway...

Wouldn't this be such a fitting and meaningful thing for Geno's character arc? I know one of the complaints among people who consider Geno overrated is that he doesn't really have an arc. Of course, his fans (myself included) either aren't bothered by that, or straight-up disagree, since he's central to the entire plot and goal of the game, and also literally the Mario universe equivalent of an angel, and maybe he was so reserved because he was trying so hard not to get attached even though we all know he totally did,

and also if he got an arc anywhere near Mallow's he'd be so compelling that he'd basically be the main character and they'd have to call it Super Geno RPG BUT ANYWAY,

I can't fully express, no matter how long I make this post, how much I hope they take a narrative route like this. It would be the actual best. My nerdy little heart would never be the same.

#in this essay i will #geno #geno smrpg #smrpg #super mario rpg #smrpg remake #my headcanons #my wishes #gif #my gifs #please nintendo please #i made so many gifs for this

[writingquestionsanswered]

how to get myself to write when i don't have any motivation to write althu maybe willpower would be more apt?i start a story only to leave it for an insanely long time then start another story and then the same happens and if i try to restart an old story i just can't figure out what to write maybe I'm just being lazy i don't know why this keeps happening anymore I really wanted to start writing again but i can't bring myself to face my writing and patently get through writing if even just one chapter and I don't know how to end this loop

I don't want to stop writing but I'm barely writing anything anymore

Lacking Motivation/Willpower to Write

When you habitually start stories, lose steam, and abandon them--and when you try to pick them back up later but are never able to figure out what to write--it might not actually be a problem with your motivation. The biggest culprits for this problem, I've found, is either having a dry creative well or not having a solid understanding of how stories work.

1 - Dry "Creative Well" - Writers don't just come up with ideas out of thin air. Whether we realize it or not, we're pulling from a reserve inside our minds that is constantly being filled by our daily experiences. The stories we consume, current events, things we observe, things we hear from other people, places we go and things we do... these are all filling our heads with potential ideas. But there are times in life where things get busy or we aren't feeling well, and we stop doing the things that fill our creative well. So that well runs dry, and when you're writing a story, your brain has nowhere to go for ideas. Have a look at my post Guide: Filling Your Creative Well for help in getting your creative well filled back up again.

2 - How Stories Work - There are all different kinds of stories and they all work in different ways, but one thing that's true of all stories is they need to have a purpose... in other words, you need to understand the reason you want to tell this story. What are you trying to say? What do you want the reader to take away? Most stories also revolve around a conflict, whether an internal one, external one, or both. Stories that revolve around an internal conflict (a problem within the protagonist) sometimes have a very loose structure, but they can have a more solid structure, too. Stories that revolve partly or fully around an external conflict (a problem in the protagonist's world) have a more specific structure. In any case, understanding the general type of structure needed for your conflict can go along way in helping you understand what to write. See my posts: Plot Driven vs Character Driven Stories, Basic Story Structure, Beginning a New Story, and How to Move a Story Forward.

For additional trouble shooting, see:

5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes! Feeling Unmotivated with WIP Guide: How to Rekindle Your Motivation to Write Getting Excited About Your Story Again Getting Unstuck: Motivation Beyond Mood Boards & Playlists

I hope that helps!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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