#i am so stressed rn it’s not even funny i have to schedule my classes tomorrow and have no idea what the fuck to do

[iwannaban0nym0us]

time for a ramblely post about my life because i'm actually really happy rn

so my partner holy shit they're so amazing i don't even know how to explain it but everything they do just proves how incredible they are,, like we haven't said "i love you" to each other but i feel 100x more loved by them they i ever did by my ex who must have told me they loved me at least 100 times

ok btw i have no idea where this post is gonna go it's probably just gonna be a bunch of random thoughts all lumped together

so uh the reason i've been fairly inactive lately is because it's robotics comp season! Our first comp was last weekend meaning that the week leading up to it I was super busy trying to help get all the things to work (they still didn't lol) friday and saturday were insanely long days that were fun but also so tiring

we barely got things working in time on friday to clear inspection and make it to one practice match and then on saturday we had the worst possible schedule (first match of the day, a random match, last match before lunch, then 2 10min turn arounds, and then last match of the day) the most stressful part of the day was when in the last match before lunch we overextended our arm, pulled out all of the electronics, broke the extension spool, and got 25 penalty points. we spent lunch trying to fix all of that and also change out wheels (we didn't have a chance before because of our shit schedule) and also someone thought it would be a good idea to swap intakes but then we had to unswap intakes because the new one was too big and then the two very fast turn arounds after that were hella stressful

we actually ended up wining our last match of the day tho and i'm very proud of that since i took lead on the strategy talk before the match

then sunday we had a better match schedule and won one lost one so we ended quals 39/42 and therefore didn't go to playoffs, and me being the so so smart person that I am decided that since the other goalie was out sick it would be a great idea to go to my soccer game that afternoon (after 2.5 long tiring days of robotics)

And so I did and by the end of the game i felt like i was gonna fall asleep and i don't know how i managed to make several good saves and we only lost 5-0 (2 of their goals were super lucky tho) I am really glad i went since i got to see an ex-teammate and teammate who might quit the team soon for running and i hadn't seen either of them since last season

this week i've had a bit more time and monday i was so so so tired that during my freeblock which i usually use for hw since i have no free time i just hung out w/ my partner and was like half asleep the whole time, me and my partner also skipped an assembly on burnout because we were both too tired (they had a vaulting comp at the same time as my robotics comp) also tuesday i skipped soccer because of the weather so i got a whole afternoon off

over the next 2 weeks i'm only gonna have 5 days of school because we get next wed-fri off for conferences and then i'm at robotics the following thurs-sat which i think is kinda funny

uh anyway shifting gears,,, thursday i had my gender and sexuality class w/ my ex and since the teacher was out we spent the whole time in small groups talking about quotes from our hw reading and I ended up w/ a friend and my ex and ofc my ex felt the need to read out each of the quotes which normally would be like whatever but for some reason that day i just could not deal w/ their voice or their strong opinions on stupid things

there was one point where their voice had gotten to me so much that i just kinda zoned out and then they had the audacity to ask me if I was ok and that threw me for a fucking loop because when we were dating the only time they would notice something was off was when i was tired not when something was actually going on, like the day where they caused me to have a mental breakdown i was very clearly not ok that afternoon and they didn't say a single thing despite us having class together and so for them to say something now despite me having made it clear we're not friends ??????????

also i was in this state where I was torn between why does their voice still hurt me so fucking much and why don't i hate them more they did some really shitty things to me and i'm just so confused how i can feel both of those things about them and aaaa i just want them to go away

ok this has gotten long enough and i have some things i need to do so i'll probably reblog this later to talk about yesterday :)

#me #personal #ex #girlfriend #partner #ex-grayfriend #robotics #soccer

[tellmesomethinggg]

journal 127

i am mentally ill.

that's it, that's the journal. it's been a while but here we go again. time to be introspective.

i might actually be developing an eating disorder for once and i have really, really, disordered sleeping atm. like i was pretty on top of things but i think coming to one month to submission last month was a big slap to the face and fucked up my solid-ness and any sense of a grip that i had. i'm tired all the time but the good thing is that there's still some part of me that's trying? i also went up on my meds to 100 today, so maybe that's part of why i feel so down today?

i'm kinda sad that max doesn't meet in person, like ever, and i want to ask him out but i also don't want my mental health to become dependent on him in any way. like i don't really know how to explain it, but i know i have to get things in order on my own end before i were to ever *make a move*

i am in such a weird place, i need to eat but my stomach is kinda eh rn, and the probiotics only help so much, but then again i also dont have the best diet to begin with. maybe i should look into omeprazole? maybe that might help but i should ask my doc next time i see her.

i've been listening to broadway for a while now, partly induced by hadestown trip yesterday, but also bc there's some level of it that's soothing to me, i can't really explain it, but i also know that when i start listening to broadway, that's when i know i'm not doing too well. unfortunately. i think maybe its when i listen to broadway non-stop and don't really change it up.

you know, it's funny bc when i saw max at clinic a couple weekends ago, i thought he stopped for a reason, like there was a deeper meaning, but then i said it and their response was low self esteem that i'd think there has to be a reason instead of him just stopping to ask me a question. idk, i think whenever i'm lower and more stressed i don't see myself the same way? i need to start working out a bit more, but then that requires me to get up earlier, which means fucking up my sleep schedule even more, and then everything gets thrown off more and then it takes more energy just to get out of bed, so for now, until school ends at the very least, i'll prob just focus on getting through classes, passing with a b at least, and working on secondaries next week.

i still want to ask him out - can you tell i'm distracted by him?! it's a little annoying like i can't think of anything better? that plus hadestown and orpheus and persephone has just put me into super simp mode and i just want to be held romantically and cry. or maybe i just need to cry? i know it's been almost three months since i've really cried, except it's so much to cry now, and i don't really have a place to cry rn except while driving from class to home or from work to home. plus it's lowkey actually high key annoying to cry, except it does make me feel a lot better. i have a feeling i'm gonna start crying wed night and lose it once i actually apply and get through the day. like i genuinely feel like i'm just holding it together until then. at least i'm holding it together though i guess.

idk as much as i love everyone, i really don't feel like i'm comfy confronting a lot of these deeper emotions with them. like i can be sappy and simpy and all forms of happy with them, but i think i'm so used to dealing with these more negative feelings on my own, but i want to be able to share them with someone - which may be partly why i want to be able to find a ltr where i can share these kinds of things, like he's been pretty good w my essay and the vibes are good from him, but i think i'm just scared of that kind of commitment again. esp considering last time my emotions were just used against me, and i didn't *truly* have a safe space like i thought i would. maybe that's why i don't really like sharing this stuff with people too often? i feel like alisa would understand, but i also don't want to trauma dump, esp bc i know it's triggering. it's hard but i think for now, we just wait? i hate waiting. i just want to be held for a bit.

ugh.

[pallases]

oreo milkshakes my beloved

#the panic calm meme but me pre and post oreo milkshake #personal #i am so stressed rn it’s not even funny i have to schedule my classes tomorrow and have no idea what the fuck to do #i hate hate hate it the amount of time i’ve spent crying today is utterly ridiculous #it just doesn’t stop i’m not even sad or anything just overwhelmed and frustrated #i hate the honors college gen ed curriculum it’s making it sm harder than this needs to be even though it’s supposed to make it easier #i had a PLAN and then they revealed that the gen eds for it are absolutely nothing like the normal gen ed requirements #i would be looking forward to this advising and registration session tomorrow to figure out how the hell to work it out but it’s only an #hour long and the schedule the lady drafted for me is a mess and i have too many questions to get the information AND make my actual #schedule #and i thought it was at 8:30 pm but it turns out i misread and it’s at 8:30 AM which makes it sm worse bc that just cuts out 10+ hours of #preparation i thought i had #does your first year of classes in college actually matter like genuine question if i Did completely fuck up my schedule this year would it #be that big a deal

[googoojeu]

love, that must be nice || park sunghoon x gn!reader

🎫 ;; you really don't hate sunghoon. you just don't find him interesting unlike your friends. yet here you are, harboring this small hatred for him, but it fades away as he messily tells you he loves you through a drunken confession.

📽 ;; fluff, (not really) friends to lovers!au, college student!sunghoon, college student!reader, cousin!heeseung

warnings ;; sunghoon's drunk, reader whacks sunghoon with a broom, blood, cursing, reader's roommate says reader is too ocd

🖋 ;; officially back! i'm working on a few requests rn but have a sunghoon imagine as a gift from me skskskks also changed a few things here lmao also the ocd part in this happens to me a lot sjdjdjd i just can't stand unorganized places

© googoojeu 2021 | please don't repost or translate

you don't remember letting your cousin in your apartment at exactly twelve am, with his very drunk friend by his side.

maybe because you were feeling generous you just had to let them in and not having them freeze to death outside. or maybe because you owe heeseung a big one for helping you with your thesis. you weren't really sure but nevertheless, heeseung was already making himself comfortable on your roommate's bed (you made a mental note to yourself to tell myungjoo to change her covers when she comes back next week). you glare at the boy and nodded your head to his friend, sunghoon, who was drop dead drunk on the couch.

"what are you gonna do about him?" heeseung peeks at you under the covers and sighs. "i don't know, just leave him there or something. his dorm room was too far anyways, you were my last resort." he says as he covers his head again. you stared at his figure huddled under your roommate's blanket. "seriously? why am i related to you?" you can hear his muffled chuckle under the covers. you were already closing the door when heeseung says, "please turn off the light when you go." gosh you didn't want to strangle someone so much until now.

you don't really hate sunghoon that much. he was fine. he was naturally nice and funny, he gets along with people well, but after months of knowing him (through heeseung of course), you really didn't deem him as an interesting person. sure he figure skates, but that's it. that's the only interesting thing he does.

did you really hate him though?

you stare at his sleeping figure on your couch. his chest rising up and down rhythmically, his lips slightly parted and his hair messy from all the partying he did. your friends would die to see this sight right now. you snapped out of your daze and head towards the kitchen. you silently cursed your roommate for leaving the broom by the water dispenser, it's place is always near the vacuum.

('you're too ocd (name)!' she says one day. 'well it's nice to be clean and organized once in awhile!' you say back. you don't miss her telling you this is the reason why you don't have a boyfriend. you ignored her for two weeks.)

you grabbed the broom and opened a drawer, taking an empty cup to pour yourself a glass of water. you were stressed enough and courtesy to your beloved cousin, he added another person for you to stress over. you decided you're just gonna wake sunghoon up and let him crash on your bed. you were about to turn when someone grabbed your shoulder. with a shriek, you whack the person with eyes closed.

"ow (name)!"

you opened your eyes to see sunghoon, hunched over in front of you, his hands covering his nose. "o-oh my god, i'm sorry sunghoon. i'll get an ice pack, go sit back on the couch." sunghoon obliges. you hurriedly take out an ice pack out of your freezer and a first aid kit and went to sunghoon. his nose was bleeding and you felt bad. you might hate the guy, but you didn't want to physically hurt him. you kneel in front of him and take the cotton pads out of the kit and started cleaning his nose. sunghoon winces as the contact of the pads hit his nose.

"sorry.." you say once again. he shakes his head. "it's okay, i scared you anyways..." he closes his eyes as you continue cleaning his nose. he says something under his breath but you couldn't quite catch it.

"what did you say sunghoon?"

"nothing." you tilt your head in confusion. he says something again, it's a bit louder this time, but his words were slurred. he's drunk (name), what were you expecting? you gently place the ice pack on his hands. "you can put it on your nose now sunghoon, i don't want to hurt it more." he opens his eyes and stares at you.

"why do you hate me (name)?"

you were caught off guard by the sudden question. you quickly thought of an excuse but your brain short circuited and it led to one of your conversations with a preppy high schooler named sunoo, that you tutored a couple of months back. you were once again frustrated over one of your acquaintances talking about sunghoon this and sunghoon that, you accidentally let it out on the said boy. sunoo playfully grins at you and tells you, "you don't hate him (name)! you're just mad, madly in love with him!" you just scoffed at him and reply with a, "yeah right." looking back at it now, no, you really didn't hate sunghoon.

"i don't hate you hoon, why would you think that?" you sighed, patting his shoulder reassuringly.

"it's because you don't look at me."

you furrowed your eyebrows. "i look at you what do y—"

"no! like look, look at me! you don't even talk to me! it really hurts because i really, really like you.... love you even... and heeseung hyung thinks it's stupid because you don't look at m—"

"wait sunghoon what did you say?"

"heeseung hyung thinks it's stupid—"

"no, the one before that..."

"that i love you?"

you sat there, mouth agape, the bloody cotton pads still in your possession. "what the fuck?" you managed to blurt out. "you're drunk!" you stared at him in disbelief. but, wasn't there a saying that 'drunk words are sober thoughts'? sunghoon simply shakes his head again, carefully placing the ice pack over his red nose. "i think i'm pretty sober at the moment. i didn't drink much anyways." you couldn't do anything but just stare at the boy. his cheeks were tinted with a soft shade of red that you can't help but simply smile at him.

"if you really do like me, i'm giving you a chance to ask me out tomorrow morning. when you're sober enough."

sunghoon's eyes lights up. "really?" you chuckled, "yeah." you gathered your trash and disposed them on the trash can and bid sunghoon a good night. you didn't see sunghoon's longing gaze on your back once you went inside your room.

the glare of the sun was the first to greet you the next morning. sighing, you reach for your phone and opened your messages. myungjoo was telling you that she's coming home early, chenle and jisung telling you to not forget about the fair the three of you were attending, sunoo asking for your help again and one message from an unknown number. you opened it and the first line made you sit up.

hey it's sunghoon! :)

i realized i didn't have your number so i kindly asked heeseung for it. if you think i forgot about our talk hours ago, i didn't! when does your class end? i'm taking you on a date today! if that offer is still up you know....

you smiled at the text. immediately sending him your schedule and a "see you later!" before getting ready for the day.

maybe, just maybe, you're really didn't hate sunghoon after all.

#i luv sunghoon #and i luv chenji lmao #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #lee heeseung #jay park #park jongseong #jake sim #sim jaeyun #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #yang jungwon #ni-ki #nishimura riki #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #enhypen oneshots

[brytmoon]

i feel like i'm being really annoying about it to ppl so i'm gonna vent here about struggles i have that might be undiagnosed adhd symptoms since i don't have a very big following except for two close friends (sorry y'all)

1. hygiene, such as brushing my teeth in the morning and showering, is hard. it's been hard my whole life but even now, i'll stare at myself in the mirror or scroll through my phone as i try to convince myself to brush my teeth. (this may or may not be related, but i hate going to the dentist, too.) with showering, it's hard to find the time. i always make sure to shower as often as possible (which is every other day, usually) or i make sure i don't smell if i haven't because i'm scared of having b.o. with both, i have to motivate myself to do it with fancy toothpastes and mouthwash or nice-smelling shower gels and lotions. I'm guessing this is executive dysfunction???

2. I've been incredibly disorganized my whole life. i once thought i had adhd when i was younger because of how disorganized i was. I've always had a super messy backpack and a super messy room (it's really messy rn) but i always know where everything is. i had a ds for at least ten years but lost it a couple months ago in the middle of playing it. where did it go???? i have no idea bruh. and i lose my phone all. the. time.

3. i'm terrible with procrastinating. turning in projects and essays at 11:59 after bullshitting it either all day or mere hours before the due date??? a constant. having failing homework grades and having ntis in every class, no matter how much i enjoy it??? a constant. i once did a whole project i hadn't started on until the morning of the due date. i worked on it while in other classes and at lunch and turned it in 3 minutes before the dropbox closed. anything that's not what i enjoy or zaps the fun out of what i enjoy, i procrastinate with. I've sat in front of the computer screen and almost cried so many times because i couldn't get myself to type up a scholarship essay, which OBVIOUSLY would greatly benefit me as a broke college student, but it doesn't matter bc my brain thinks it's boring so why not push it off?? because i procrastinate, i tend to overwhelm myself so much that i break down at least once when an assignment's due because I've formed a terrible habit of pushing myself to overexertion to get a project done that's meant to be done gradually.

4. bouncing off that last point, I'm terrible with time management and remembering events/due dates/assignments to complete. I've tried using schedule apps and alarms. I've tried to plan out my days. I've tried forming routines and habits to get things done at appropriate times and it doesn't work. that schedule app i downloaded and spent so much time filling out? completely forgotten in a week or two. i swipe away the notifications and pay no attention to them. since everything's virtual now, there have been important college information zoom calls, but i forget about them and miss them. i can't remember events, due dates, or assignments if i don't write them down. since i meet every other day or sometimes once a week for a specific class in college, i can easily forget something mentioned earlier that week that's due the next week over the weekend. i have to remember to write in my agenda in order to remember to do something important, which can be stressful and convoluted 🙃🙃 so my bad time management results in further procrastination and missed opportunities, which makes me feel awful about myself late at night when all i can think about is what i should've done better or differently.

5. chores and hobbies are... interesting. when i do get the energy or motivation to clean or draw, i will hyperfocus on them. if i finally feel like cleaning, I'll skip breakfast and/or lunch and won't take care of myself until I'm done. same happens with drawing. and as stupid or funny as it sounds, i find getting up to go pee so annoying!!!! I'm in the middle of doing something i FINALLY want to do and then i have to get up to go use the bathroom. i don't want to break my concentration bc it's an inconvenience. then with hobbies (y'know, things i want to do and enjoy) i procrastinate!! I've been trying to watch atla since everyone loves it and i like it too, but i put off watching it and other shows like crazy. i play instruments and love to do so, but don't practice very often and spend a couple hours doing so when i do because i remember how fun it is. when i do laundry, I'll remember to put the clothes in the washing machine and start it. but then I'll forget to either put them in the dryer, take them out of the dryer, or fold them. i often have to rewash loads because I'll forget they're in there or I'll have a pile of clothes sitting on my bed for days because i procrastinate with folding them and putting them up.

6. i am the most motivated and have the most energy at night. over the summer, I'd stay up until 4 or 5 am on a regular basis. I'd be the most productive during that time but my sleeping schedule would be so off because of it.

7. so people with adhd crave things that produce dopamine, right? well i snack on candy all the time. and i mean it when i say it's ALL THE TIME. my favorite one is red hots because they're crunchy and spicy. eating candy helps me focus and is probably a form of me seeking more stimulation, but it's bad because of my teeth hygiene issues and me hating to go to the dentist. i also can't do tasks quietly. i have to be listening to music or watching a video while working on something and there are times when i want to do both while working??? so now when i watch something or listen to music without working, i tend to need something to do so i scroll through Instagram while having the show on even though it makes me miss what's happening sometimes.

8. i don't really fidget much i don't think?? but i do weird stuff while listening to someone talk. in school, i often doodled on my worksheets and got in trouble for it. I'd draw eyes in the margins, characters I'm fixated on, squiggly lines, and would color in my o's. or while listening to a family member vent, i dance around or listen while scrolling through Instagram. i also have a baaad habit of picking at my skin (dermatillomania). I'd focus on picking scabs for a really long time when i was alone and bored and have scars on my face and legs from doing it. I've picked at my face since i was a kid and absent mindedly do it every day.

9. i can get quite distracted and have to ask for directions to be repeated because i won't hear them?? like my brain won't process what someone said until they say it again when i'm actually fully paying attention. my mom will ask me to run an errand for her and she'll need to repeat it to me because i'll get distracted while she's explaining or i'll forget what she said after walking away. i get off track in conversations a lot and can't really listen well when there's a lot of other noise going on, like in cafeterias. i'll be talking to one friend and hear another interesting conversation down the table and pause while speaking bc my attention shifted. i also can lose my train of thought quite easily when waiting to speak and forget what i was saying and not be able to remember it for the life of me. so I'll interrupt sometimes so i don't forget

10. when talking to friends, i feel like i talk about myself a lot. i like to use my personal experiences to connect with what they said and be empathetic to them, but i worry this comes off as being conceited. i heard that it might be an adhd thing i do to keep myself engaged in the conversation.

i think that's all of them??? I'm so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this jgjrjrj but i guess it's good to make note of this stuff in some way because i articulate my feelings better when typing instead of speaking. and this'll be helpful to reference when chatting with a future therapist which i will hopefully get soon! and if anyone sits through this and has any advice, I'm all ears!!

#adhd things #undiagnosed adhd #adhd culture #adhd inattentive

[melto]

sorry fellas this is just gonna be me bitching about some threatre major stuff

im like. so extremely fucking upset right now like we open tomorrow and this show will almost be over and its like. i LOVE theatre. i love being a stage manager i love it so bad and i know what i have signed myself up for but the treatment of workers in the industry is unethical most times and it really does show bad in reference to being a student. like im so truly frustrated with the way that specifically production students in my college are treated because yes. we understand how much work goes into theatre but you CANNOT talk about how it is unfair and unethical and then as professors not do anything on the level you can to combat the systems in which have been in place. like its insane. literally during our 10/12 they talked about how tired the actors and like deck crew/board ops must be which. of course they are 10/12 are just inherently bad in my opinion and we shouldnt be doing them but they are saying this while there are still students stuck in the theatre at this fucking production meeting who have been there/will be there for at least 14 hours at that point. which is more than scheduled and more than any of the staff have been. we all also have work and class on top of this but they make jokes about how overworked we are to the point where it makes me want to fucking tear my hair out. like literally i havent slept or ate or drank hardly for like 2 weeks now and i wont be any better off for like another two and they KNOW this. like fucks sake a professor like walked in on my stress puking in a backroom after the dress last night because i was so fustrated and ill. literally they acknowlage how awful we look and seem and then act concerned before being like oh well<3 cool if you will be in the theatre doing lights until 2am when we joked about how fucking terrible you look. cool if we laugh at the production meeting about how i  almost passed out after standing up that night. lets point out and talk about where exactly they all saw me get so upset and overtired that i started crying on fucking headset uncontrolably because no one would give me the fucking answers i needed and then everyone was getting mad at me because i didnt have them. lets have you literallyhave to talk a student designer off a ledge because some hired grown man is overstepping and youre putting him before your students. 

literally like wooo we’re so cool and hardworking for mangaing to get a show done without theschool getting shut down and during all this c*vid shit. we shuldnt even be doing shows right now literally like the only theatre not dark rn in myarea is us. we’ve had like 7 scares and cases and the whole case admits that they keep partying and we just lost someone on crew today because of all of it and i just have to sit here and keep going because what the fuck else am i supposed to do? i can barely stand up for more than 5 minutes without almost vomiting and passing out right now and i can barely do anything for my other classes or work so im just taking fucking points off everything and i usually dont have issues with keeping up with stuff during all of this. like JESUS i feel so truly suicidal and its literally the only way out of this whole fucking mess until we close in a week and i wouldnt do that to my crew because god. im just so fucking ANGRY. i wouldnt be this fucking angry if my professors werent being so tactless with their words and actions. its BARELY treated as a learning environment for production students which is a whole different conversation about my gripes with how my college choses shows and treats stuff that honestly i could bitch abut for hours but GOD. literally all i do is cry and almost pass out every time i try to do anything right now and im STILL expected to be like emotionally stable through all of these even with people outside my deparemnt even when ive expressed why this specific process has been so hard. like FUCK i cannot ask for even the smallest adacomadation at all without it being an ordeal.couldnt even get myself moved to the booth a day early to help out with my anxiety of not wanting to be calling from house during an invited dress right now. im so tired. Im so tired the unethical work standards for the theatre industry arent even funny like STOP. tech is over so at least the student lx designer whos getting the fuck kicked out of them will be done but me and my team are still stuck here and if that fucking scenic designer whos also doing the stupid fucking video shit who is so fucking demeaning and someone i want to fucking beat the shit out of attempts to change anything during our final dress when all he does is make everything so much harder and then critizie me in front of eveyrone even though he just added like 20 super stupid and fucked up cues that are hard to call and no one gave me fucking time to dry tech them before we go into a run well. Well im gonna start killing people im gonna start swinging im just so FUSTRATED AND MAD GOD WWWHDFJHSKGJLFJKJGKJKJGFS

#if you read this i am so sorry and you are so fucking brave #covid m / #disordered eating m / #news with isaac

[borhapstyles]

lucy picking clothes for you to wear at a dinner where you’re gonna meet her parents i sent this as a headcanon but i think will be better as a fic, i really don’t know

hi love! thank you for sending your request in :) I agree, I think this might make a better fic but I decided to do it as a headcanon cause I can’t really write full fics rn but I might include this in a bigger Lucy fic for the future 

also lmao i read your request wrong at first and wrote it as if she was meeting your parents so there’s that in here too xx

you and Lucy had been dating for several months now

and you two had discussed the idea of meeting each others parents

but both of you were rather nervous at the idea of it

no matter how much you both reassured each other that the other’s parents be kind

it was a struggle for both of you 

the time for you to meet Lucy’s parents came first

she scheduled a brunch at her mum’s favorite restaurant 

and even though lucy said you didn’t need to get them gifts

you got them gifts

(which Lucy loved you ten times more for doing)

but in the days leading up to it??

you didn’t know what to do with yourself

and so Lucy came to the rescue

insisting on you two having a shopping date

not only because she knew it would help you destress

but also because she wanted to help you pick out what to wear

and she was never quite tell you this

but she was really really anxious about it, maybe even more so than you

she just really really wanted all of this to go well

as Lucy put it

“you’re my girlfriend, the girlfriend. the only one for me, really, and i know they’ll love you but i just can’t stand the idea of their judgement on you” 

but she put on a brave face and drove the both of you out to the shops of london

she picked out some outfits

some she genuinely thought would be good for the brunch

others she just wanted to see you in

like this cute lingerie set which she insisted she buy as a treat for herself even though you’d be wearing it

but that’s what she said would be the treat, seeing you in it

ahem anyways

she picked out lovely things and you adored them

but none of it quite felt good enough

on her standards and yours

until you guys got to one shop somewhere in kensington

a cute little boutique

Lucy picked out a dress for you and 

there were a couple other shoppers around who couldn’t help but smile with you and Lucy together

cause y’all are so damn cute together ugh we love 

and when you came out in the dress

Lucy could’ve sworn she’d never felt so smitten with a person, so full of love

“oh my god, that’s it, you’re perfect, it’s perfect” she said

then later, on the drive home, she thought about you in the dress

and took your hand and said

“i can’t believe i get to call you my girlfriend”

and when you met her parents

it went better than okay, it went amazingly

her mum took to you with the biggest smile and warmest hug

“you’re the girl who’s been making my daughter smile so much, thank you.” 

and her father couldn’t help but thank you as well for being so wonderful to Lucy

they had seen her go through heartbreak as a teen and as growing into an adult

but you seemed to make Lucy a better person, a happier one

so Lucy’s mother, by the end of the lunch had said 

“Lucy, you couldn’t have found a better person to be with.”

after that brunch Lucy swears she could marry you right then and there

so the stress was more so over for you

but your darling girlfriend was a right mess when it came to meeting your parents

she loved you, so so much

and she wanted your parents to love her even more

no matter how much you reassured her that they would love her

and that she was perfect as she was

Lucy still couldn’t shake all the nerves

she tried to hide it

but you knew it was eating at her

and on the day of, when you strolled into her bedroom

(which again was practically also yours considering how much time you spent at her place)

you found her standing in front of the closet

thumb in her mouth, biting down on the nail

her brows furrowed

staring at the tons of dresses, blouses and other possible outfit combinations

“Lucy?”

she glanced at you, worry drenched all over her face

“I don’t know what to wear”

“what?” you asked lightly, almost chuckling

“I literally don’t have anything to wear which sounds so cliche and ridiculous because of the tons of clothes that are in here but I just can’t find anything that’s good enough and-“

you cut her off with a kiss

and placed your arms at her sides

and kissed her forehead once more

then looked her in the eyes and said

“Lucy, no matter what you wear, I promise they’re going to take one look at your smile and fall in love with you just as I have, okay?”

Lucy stayed quiet, a small smile on your lips

because you two hadn’t really said I love you before

so that was that

“I love you too” she then said, grinning at the idea of you being in love with her

Lucy was very much loved by the Bo Rhap fandom and Queen family but knowing you loved her

you, who had stolen her heart completely

it meant the world to her

and she would do anything to make you happy so

it made her heart swoon to hear you say you loved her

anyways

you then went through all of Lucy’s clothes

her vetoing almost everything

“that one makes me look frumpy.”

“….frumpy? I-I dont see how-“

“I can’t wear that one, I just can’t”

“Luc, you need to wear something.. it’s later in the night when it’s just you and me that you don’t have to wear anything”

she playfully hit u then kissed you after you said that by the way

but then you pulled out a dress

one that you adored on her but hadn’t seen her enough in

and one she forgot existed in her closet

it was light pink

stopped just above her knees, had sleeves and a lovely pattern

and Lucy went for it

and on the drive to dinner with your parents

you stopped right outside the door

grabbed Lucy by the shoulders

looked her straight in her big beautiful eyes

and said “no matter what happens, i love you, and i’m yours, okay?”

she teared up and kissed you hard

then you two went inside

but unsurprisingly, your parents loved her

probably more than they loved u 

lmao

and by the end of it they were hinting at when you two were gonna move in together or something

and funny enough

your parents wanted to meet Lucy’s parents

but that’s for another day

all in all you and Lucy went home

and had happy cuddles afterwards in your pjs

she fiddled with your hair in bed and kissed your neck gently

“today went perfectly, i dunno why i was so stressed”

“because you wanted them to love you, which they did”

“you don’t know how relieved i am”

“you don’t know how relieved i am” you said with a laugh

“at least we know they’ll be okay with us getting married” she said casually, fingers tracing over your collarbones

so you looked at her and said “you want to marry me?”

and Lucy looked at you as if it was the most obvious thing

“of course i want to marry you. i’d steal all the stars for you if you asked me to.” 

so you kissed her once more and whispered how much you love her

“i love you so much more” she said

and you’re like, “that’s not possible”

then she leaned in close

pressed her forehead against yours

and smiled

Lucy’s gaze hovered over your lips before going back to eyes and saying

“i’m always going to be yours, darling”

was this shit? i feel like everything i’ve been writing lately has turned to shit, i’m sorry guys it’s midnight for me and i have class tomorrow lol

but this request was cute and i just love writing for lucy, thank you again for sending it in my love

#lucy boynton #lucy boynton x reader #lucy boynton fanfic #lucy boynton smut #lucy boynton headcanons #lucy boynton imagine #lucy boynton one shot #gwilym lee #rami male #ben hardy #joe mazzello #mary austin

[ethospathoslogan]

Well what about friends that go to school with you? That's be fun to hang out with them again! Or some classes that you have fun in?

sneaky anon, u saw my post before i deleted it!!!

but

y e a h

abt,,, friends,,,, and everything else,,,

how do i put it

i go to a commuting school and i’m uhhhh actually really shit at making friends!!! and, listen, i’m not saying that i don’t have friends. i have two practical best friends from the swim team (we’re gonna ignore the fact that one of them is graduating this year). and i’m starting a club (i’ll get to that) so the three people that i’m starting it with are all super nice and i would consider one of them a friend.

and, like, with my two super close friends, i’m fine with bc i see them practically every day of the fall semester for swimming. so that’s fine. but with my other friends, i just get so super socially anxious going out with them? like, i was really socially anxious back in 8th/9th grade and i thought it just went away but turns out i just got comfortable with my old friend group and now all of them went away to college and i’m just here struggling to remember how to make friends and find the courage to go out with them omfg.

do you get what i’m saying??? idk if that made sense. basically, w/ the five friends i have (including two acquaintances), it’s very hard for me to go out with them bc i suddenly get super anxious. it’s easier with my two super close friends, bc we’re super close (as i’ve said), but even then there’s still this feeling of “oh my god what am i gonna say what are we gonna do what if they judge me”. and then with the others, i’m stuck in this “i want to be your friend and i want to be close but i feel like i’m low key drowning and i feel so awkward and i can’t help it”.

and then i’m taking 15 credits, which is the normal amount, but it doesn’t help with the fact that i am uhhhh dreading four out of five of my classes, and that one class that i am looking forward to is an online class (and my only english class) so i don’t even get a discussion. like, i’m taking two speech courses (ew x2), a math course (ew x1000), and an education class (idek if i really want to do education anymore) and i am dreading all of those. also, my education course requires 20 hrs of observation, so i have to fit that in. and then i’m taking a shakespeare course!!! with a professor that i love!!! except it’s an online course so i don’t even get the thrill of an in class discussion. also, it’s a 300 course and the professor, while i love her, is a tough grader.

and, idk if i’ve mentioned this, but i have held two 4.0s this year and, like, i know that it’s gonna drop and i also know i’m gonna have a complete absolute meltdown when it does bc my “””family bragging point””” has been that i have a 4.0 and am super smart and i feel super validated bc family members have legit called me to congratulate me on that and i :))) need that :))) bc i constantly feel :))) like i need to prove :))) my intelligence

and then i of course have swimming, which takes up 5/6 days of the week, two hours a day. except now i’ve heard that my coach wants us to do doubles, so i could end up swimming 4 hrs a day, five days a week, with either another practice on saturday or a swim meet. so not only do i have to work around that, i also have to make sure that i’m keeping my body healthy and getting sufficient rest, which hasn’t happened since uhhh december.

and then i have to figure out my work schedule. originally, i didn’t want to work night shifts bc they tire me out, except now it looks like those will be the only shifts i can take. and i need to work. i’m going to be 19yrs old, i can’t resort back to asking my parents for money like im 14 lmao. plus, i need money for my own lunches and simple pleasures and etc etc etc.

and then i’m starting a club with three of the five friends that i mentioned above. except, the thing is, i shouldn’t be starting a club with them. i have no time to do anything already. and now i am most likely going to be having to find ways to fit in club meetings and events while also working around work, sports, and observations. and i’m the secretary, which i thought was gonna be the easier position, except it turns out that i basically keep track of what everyone is doing at all times and i help hold the club together. so, if something goes wrong, it’s my fault. (:

the club is probably gonna be fine once i start, maybe, but i also love pessimism and it seems like, next semester, i’m gonna be one breath away from freaking out at all times bc i am so easily stressed it’s not even funny (it’s not, my hypochondria makes me worry abt it, but we’re not gonna talk abt that rn).

so, yeah, everything is a lot rn omg

basically, i am mourning the lose of my sanity and mental state bc things are gonna go to shit when september starts.

and, who knows, maybe i’m just freaking out!!! maybe i’m wrong and everything is gonna be fine. but let’s just map out a written out schedule

monday: classes straight through from 8am-12pm. swimming times- ???, work times-???

tuesday: this will have to be a day i do observations. online class. math class at 5pm. swimming times-???, work times-???

wednesday:classes straight through from 8am-12pm. swimming times- ???, work times-???

thursday: this will have to be a day i do observations. online class. math class at 5pm. swimming times-???, work times-???

friday: no classes, swim times-???, work times-???

*club meetings are either every other tuesday or every other thursday, will most likely conflict with swim

**i am not working five days a week, but i don’t even know what days i am working/can work in the first place

so, basically, to sum up this overextended ask, i feel my heart rate increase and my life span decline every time i think of fall semester. i am bad at making friends and basically will have no free time to do anything, so let’s hope this blog doesn’t suddenly run dry come september!!! ahaha!!!

#i am stuck on the line between mental breakdown and apathy #answered #personal #Anonymous

[mirohed]

hiloo!! it’s good to hear that you’ve been well and talking to people! recently i’ve also been reconnecting with friends from my old school, and it’s always pleasant to catch up with someone after a while. and you’re totally right— leaving like this is so insanely in character for yg it’s almost funny. even tho he retired he still has shares in the company, so i’m not completely comforted by news of the new ceo :( but then again, it’s not hard to be a better ceo than yg 🤭 - lil anon pt. 1 !

ooo how has your summer school been?? my school has a post exam programme sorta thing so i’ve been a lil busy during the daytime too. if you’re in the same time zone as miami then we’re probably around 12 hours apart! my awake hours are really questionable though… i’m writing this at 12:34 am hehe i’ve been pretty stressed this past month with my exams,, which admittedly could’ve been avoided if i wasn’t such a persistent procrastinator. but now that it’s over i can barely remember the pAIN

onto brighter news!! i actually just had my prom yesterday!! ok tbh my prom was pretty damn boring and disorganised, but at least getting ready for it was fun! i wasn’t used to wearing heels so my feet are aching rn :’) on another note, during my exams and since summer started i’ve collected a startling amount of new interests… my attention span is so short i just keep piling on new things for me to do! i rarely ever finish the things that i start hsjdhej - lil anon

AAAAA ok not @ how it took me almost a full MONTH to respond this is so ugly im sorry lil anon 😔😔😔😔😔😔 ngl i said all that and then ghosted on everyone for like two weeks straight 🤕🤕 but what you said abt catching up w old friends !! is so true !! my first internet friends and i have a discord server where we fuck around just like old times and i might even get to meet one of them next month (!!) 

but my summer school honestly ,, like the first week was absolute hell bc the learning curve of the program was so steep?? but once i learned how to do everything it was smooth sailing :)) and i made friends with everyone in the class of like . 20 people which is good !!! it meant i was never too bored

but at this point im hoping your exams are finished and that youve done well on them (i have the utmost faith in you!!!) 💓💖💓💖 but TBH idk if i told you but i literally took my heels off and stuffed them under my table during the last hour bsdfsdf 

also that note abt never finishing the things you start ,,,, you didnt have to call me out like that LMAO i had to schedule the rest of the years releases to whittle down my gargantuan wip list ,,,,

ALSO tbh i dont think t13 is debuting anytime soon so if you wanna reveal yourself to me thats fine too !!! if not thats also fine shfsdf weve waited like half a year And Yet

#i miss the boys .... #also i love you sorry for taking twenty years 😔 #asks #anonymous #lil anon