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eatbabies0 · 10 months

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Pip is so cute. Pip is so silly. I don't understand how cold and pathetic you fucking could be to hate pip. He already gets enough torture from the other kids, and he can't even rest in peace. He's such a cutie. He's a silly british guy who was left behind and forgotten in another timeline. If you hate pip, you basically hate cats and dogs. Pip is one of the silliest. If you hate pip, you should end your life. Your stages in life have clearly went to the very last point and your blood might as well be cold. If you hate pip, you're a fucking maggot. You're as annoying and useless as a mosquito flying around and biting me. You're a fucking burden. You deserve nothing if you hate pip. He gets tormented and you can't even show remorse for him? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you like, okay? Did something hit your head? Did you not get treatment? I don't understand people who could ever hate pip, he does nothing wrong and is overall a punching bag. Pip is my son and I love him. He doesn't deserve anything wrong or negative. Pip is a sweetheart who is nothing but nice to people and you wanna go and say you hate him? You'd burn him? You're happy he's dead? I can't understand you. Are you on another planet? Did we watch the same show? Do you even watch south park or do you just take other peoples words? If you hate pip, you should fucking rot. You should burn. You're a disgusting person. I feel like you'd be the kind of person to pick on him if he was in school. He's nothing but a kind gentleman who wants nothing more than to treat others properly. He's a silly little guy. He deserves the world. I can't believe YOUR ass would go and say "I hate pip Im so happy he's dead" like wow, wow, you might as well be as fat as a discord mod or that guy who played world of warcraft so much he was able to practically glitch the game in that one episode. You're a terrible person with terrible thoughts, feelings, and have no purpose of living on this planet. You should mature. You're disgusting honestly. I can't believe how you'd decide that you'd go and comment that. I will spread yo cheeks little bro if i see you in these comments again. I feel like you'd be the type of person to sit at your computer all day on reddit eating chips. You're a disgusting person with absolutely no life. And I hope one day I hear news that you got hurt really badly. I hope one day you get one of your limbs cut off. I hope you get aids. I hope you get cancer. I wish every bad thing onto you. I wish the worst upon you. I hate every aspect of you and I hope your IP address gets leaked and your house gets nuked. I hope one day you get crushed to death just like my son did. I hope someone pisses on your grave. I hope nobody comes to your funeral. You know what? I hope you don't even get a funeral. I hope you just get left to rot and decompose wherever you died. I hope nobody ever misses you, and nobody will remember you. I hope someone says one day "God, I hated that guy so much. I'm so happy he's dead." Oh wait, that'll be me. I fucking HATE. YOU. And i wish the worst upon you. "Let people have opinions" not when they're negative about my son, my child. I hate every aspect of you. And I hope you perish and are tormented the worst way imaginable in hell. I hope one day you fucking rot. I hope you burn and survive. I hope you end up like the preschool teacher in South Park and can only beep on your machine for yes and no. I hope you'll be forgotten, and i hope nobody marries you. I hope you never get far enough in life and I hope you die early. I hope you die young. I hope you never get a spouse. i hate every section, every aspect, every part, I hate the blood that pumps in your veins, i hate everyone related to you, i hate your mom, i hate your dad, I hope one day, your bloodline disappears just like pip's did. I can't believe you'd really go on and hate on my son who did nothing wrong to you. And this is the longest thing i've EVER written without copy-paste.

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karasurasu · 1 year

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College!AU

Emo-Gamer-Bf Eren Yeager x reader

My first time writing something like that eh, hope it's doesn't that bad... ( English is not my first language, there can be much of mistakes!)

• At first glance, it may seem that he is the bad boy, but in fact he is the most gentle boy in the world, just hug him someone already ಥ‿ಥ

• His hair is always disheveled, even though he wears an elastic band on his arm that you gave him, he rarely uses it, only in the rarest cases, but if you offer to braid his hair so that they do not interfere with him, he will immediately agree to it.

• He asked you to paint his nails. Now they are always covered with black varnish, but in some places this varnish is chewed off by him because of nerves or simply erased

• He has a couple of "emo" tattoos. Cobwebs on the elbow, barbed wire on the wrist, crosses and fire on the fingers.

• He likes all sorts of alt attributes, like an inverted cross on his neck or a skull ring. He also wears large T-shirts with some prints of his favorite music groups or provocative inscriptions.

• In fact, he loves sports, this guy has a pretty good physique (° ʖ °). He's on the college basketball team.

• He lives in a family with Carla and Mikasa. His mother doesn't particularly approve of his appearance, as does the appearance of Mikasa (who dresses like a goth). But as a loving mother, she accepted them like this.

• Eren is the partner who loves physical contact, he will hug you while playing, or lie on your lap, he doesn't care what kind of contact, he just wants to feel your warmth, knowing that you are next to him.

• He's a pretty popular guy in college, so you can't avoid glances from others , they're all jealous, but don't be afraid, Eren is always there to distract you from this.

• The same type of guy who will say that you don't look good in some clothes, and then tell you to wear this more often ...

• He has an older brother Zeke who really loves you and often brings you gifts (Eren is very jealous and afraid that he is trying to take you away from him), but Zeke just very happy that Eren has such a caring partner like you.

• The younger Yeager often cries in his sleep because of the nightmares that haunt him. He wakes up in a sweat and sees you, then hugs you and asks you never to leave him.

• Eren has a lot of game equipment. Nintendo on which he plays animal crossing (shhh, it's a secret, he's shy to say that he plays it!). PS5, a gaming computer. He's been through a lot of games, most of all he likes something adventure, but lately he's only been playing Overwatch or League of Legends with friends, he doesn't have time for anything else.

• He really loves you, and shows it by allowing you to play online games on his computer, it doesn't matter to him if you lower him so in the rating, he just enjoys how passionate you are about the games that he likes

• You can just say what you like and he will tell you which game to play. But he will also listen to you and even play the games you play, just so that you are on the same wavelength.

• The most terrible thing that will happen in your relationship is that Jean and Connie will call him to play Dota 2 in the middle of the night ... God, you will wake up from fright when he throws the mouse against the wall out of anger...(⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

i am imagine him like this so...yeah(⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠;⁠)

#eren yaegar #headcanon #aot imagines #attack on titan #gamer bf #emo bf #eren au #college au #eren x reader

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purplekoop · 1 month

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So Marvel Rivals, that's an interesting surprise from nowhere! A new hero shooter with emphasis on the "Hero", but with a 6v6 format... huh. Interesting.

I'd do a full breakdown of everything shown so far but that feels like a job for someone with a usable computer. For now I'll just give my quick thoughts as a fan of both the genre and the IP.

On the Marvel side of things there's a good bit to be excited for already, with an interesting roster of picks already. Got a lot of obvious staples along plenty of choices that don't feel like cheap MCU tie-ins. Glad there's already a few X-men in, and genuinely very happy to see some characters I've literally never heard of. Again this mostly feels great because of how the MCU dominance has been overtly a hindrance to games like Marvel vs Capcom Infinite, where if a character didn't have a movie already out or in the works then they had a fat chance of getting in, even for series staples like Doctor Doom and literally any X-men characters.

On the gameplay side I can't say too much on the finer details, but it looks like individual characters bring a lot of interesting mechanics to the game. Doctor Strange can make portals, Hulk has his iconic leap and even has a transformation mechanic where he seems to need to spend some time as Banner before he can do the real work, and Loki has some sort of copycat technique. So... teleporting teammates, leaping and getting angry, duplication... yeah maybe these aren't as unique as they sound when tied to characters with a history of using those abilities outside of games.

There does also seem to be some sort of unique "team up" mechanic, like Hulk can lend Iron Man some gamma energy to power up his big laser blasts, or Rocket can scamper onto Groot's back in classic fashion. Not sure if these are unique interactions based on specific synergies, or if it's a more modular system, like first example coming to mind, Kirby Star Allies. Either has some balance or mechanical concerns, but it certainly sounds interesting.

The third person camera is also unique for a hero shooter, which makes me anticipate a less aim-intensive game and one more about movement, ability usage, and team play. Definitely a fair choice given the cast, plus I imagine it's compelling to actually see the iconic character you're controlling.

Now a big point I wanna address:

Will this be the Overwatch killer??

...no, probably not, sorry.

I think regardless of how much this game succeeds or OW2 fails, I don't think it's going to be much of a competition. Not as in Overwatch is gonna curb stomp it, but I just don't see the two games butting heads that much. Marvel Rivals seems to be going in its own direction with the finer details, even something as simple as first versus third person camera seems to inform pretty sweeping differences.

Plus, in the past I think calling any game the "killer" of the previous big thing in the genre. Looking to Overwatch specifically, people tried to call it the TF2 killer, which... I mean TF2 kinda killed itself trying to be like Overwatch, so bad example, but even with Valve's shortsighted incompetence TF2 never totally died, it's still got a solid playerbase and plenty of fans in spite of its rough post-2016 history, and with Overwatch existing completely fine alongside it. And "Overwatch killers" have come in the past, but never really meant much to OW besides some players deciding they preferred the other game more. Apex and Valorant are more just other subgenres with a "Hero" twist and not quite the same kind of game as OW, but Paladins was undoubtedly trying to fill that more specific niche. And... it didn't totally fail. No seriously, any game that still has its fans and active players, however few, is worth respect in my book.

I think that's the beauty of it, that multiple teams are willing and able to make their own approach to the same concept! That's how we get interesting new ideas, and move the subgenre forward in cool ways! To be blunt, ideally for me OW2 AND Marvel Rivals go on to coexist and both be great! If people prefer one over the other then that's fantastic, but the fact multiple options exist with their own ideas and approaches is so cool to me.

It's like with a similar subgenre developing over the past few years: platform fighters, or "Smash clones" for the outdated term. In the release downtime after the three most recent Smash games, we saw more and more teams try their hand at that uniquely accessible and interesting subgenre of fighting games, and it's been so exciting to see progress over time. We saw a good number of indie attempts after Smash 4, but after Ultimate we've been seeing bigger and bolder teams take serious attempts at a quality contender to challenge Smash. And while each new one garnering the title of "Smash Killer" is more and more of a meme, we're now seeing games that genuinely reach that level of polish and quality. Rivals of Aether 2 is personally the one I'm SO excited about in this respect. But I also can't help but think of the one platform fighter in recent memory that genuinely did Fail, at least in temporary dramatic fashion:

...Multiversus.

Yes, the hellish concept of a free to play fighting game, which prided itself on its grind culture. Now the utterly bizarre mess that is/was/will be Multiversus is sort of a unique disaster, but I can't help but imagine the worst for Marvel Rivals just because it shares that dreaded "f2p" label. Maybe it won't be too bad, but considering early screenshots imply characters need to be unlocked makes me assume the worst.

Frankly my biggest hope, however unlikely it is, is that these two games pressure each other to fix their individual shortcomings. Have OW2 Season 10 making heroes free make Marvel want to do the same, and have Marvel's 6v6 format make OW2 bite the bullet and revert to the same to fix its otherwise impossible to solve balance mess.

...no that's a lie, my biggest hope is actually that Wasp makes it in as a support and gets a skin based on her Earth's Mightiest Heroes look. Or better yet make that the basis for her default design, the designs are another promising point for this game so I have hope they can recognize quality.

#marvel rivals #yes I did type this all out on a phone! begrudgingly!

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eeeethesilly · 10 months

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the longest thing i've ever written

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kalopsia-stars · 2 years

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"What would happen if the player quit genshin bcs they have already lost interest to genshin?"

I actually quit genshin like maybe a week ago bcs i already lost interest with the game. I've been thinking about quitting genshin like around november or december. whenever i play it again, it doesn't feel like the same energy anymore like i used to play months ago or maybe a year ago. (I play genshin like around october 2020)

I feel guilty of quitting genshin but it doesn't mean im gonna left the community, i still love them dearly in my heart

I remember back then, i used to play genshin like around 8-14 hours playing non stop. And now it's like nothing is new for me anymore

Even tho i feel kinda sad that i quitting genshin but i will try my best to play it again maybe in the future!! (Probably yes or no :( )

It was a fun time playing until our interest is already dropped. it was a nice travels with the other/new characters but i promise I will comeback again whenever i have time to play!

At some point, I also just got bored in Genshin Impact. I ended up taking a month-long break from it, but eventually came back when I saw the amount of content being added. Of course, it's your choice if you want to return, but I hope one day you can enjoy it again! lol it was the opposite for me, my laptop was so bad I could barely run genshin for a minute or two, so I was stuck with my computer frozen for hours on end. but when I got my new laptop (and a gaming one, at that), I started playing almost every day for about an hour or two

Now, to the ask...

If you, the player, were to quit Genshin, the response would most likely be... continuance.

The only reason why the sentient characters began trying to find a way to communicate/interact with you was to find answers as to why their world has become off. But with you gone, they can't do any more than what they've been able to beforehand. Their only choice? Continue life as it had been before you came.

However, depending on how long you've been in the game will change how much their view on their sentience and their world has become. If you've only played up until about a year or less, it's most likely their world would gradually return to normal before you had made it into your game. But longer than that, be certain some changes may end up becoming permanent.

As the traveler, you've made quite the impact on Teyvat. Your name is known and continues to spread in the nations that have been and have not yet been released alongside your deeds, but that has all been under your guidance. If you're gone, the traveler will have to pick up on where you've left, now with more emphasis on trying to find their sibling.

As for the other characters, your sudden disappearance means their lives can return to normal. However, what is normal now, just when they were adjusting to that new lifestyle with you? Despite it all, their lives carry on as they always have before you came, but that lingering sense--that hope that you may return--is something they try to shake off. They can't help but feel a bit happy when they see the traveler, but only to realize that's all they are now. The traveler, as themselves.

The System slowly struggles to exist. You've been gone for so long that it barely seems to be able to get a grip on itself as its existence, let alone if you've also uninstalled Genshin Impact. Their creators have finally caught up to what it’s been doing and are currently trying to disassemble the System as best as they can.

However, especially if it's your own creation, it's difficult pinpointing something actively trying to avoid being destroyed.

Some had considered you untrustworthy before accepting you, while others found you to be interesting. But now that you're no longer here... It seems that things will have to keep on going as they were.

#kalopsia ask #kalopsial stars writing #genshin impact writing #genshin self aware #self aware genshin #genshin sagau #sagau #sentient genshin

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yvesdot · 2 years

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PLEASE tell me about social media in the Sims

Oh my God thank you all I got these within MINUTES of that post. Sure!

INTRO

The Sims 2 was released in 2004. Because of that, there is no social media in that game. There aren't even cell phones or laptops-- Sims have big clunky desktop computers that they use for things like playing video games and looking for jobs.

The first expansion pack, University (released 2005), added cell phones, which in my experience players rarely use. You have to sit through 2004 game loading time to get to a community lot (public/commercial, as opposed to private, lot) which sells them-- you need to have a cell phone store somewhere in your neighborhood-- and after all that it provides little utility. The base game (TS2 without expansion packs/DLC) includes (free to use) phone booths on every community lot by default, and landlines are pretty cheap. In the game, you just don't need it.

Obviously, in real life I love having a personal phone and would never have a landline. I can check the time, browse various sites, research any question I might have, and chat with my friends who aren't around. I like always having my phone on me-- but I do not live in The Sims 2.

The Sims 4 does have phones. It also has a pack called Get Famous, which-- and I'm not saying I understand this at all-- allows your Sim to get some kind of quirk that defines them as a celebrity. My Sim's quirk was phone addiction.

I'm never going to play this stupid evil game again. ('ω')

But, okay, why is that my reaction to my Sim being addicted to their phone? Why does it bother me that they pull it out and browse, or whatever? Why do I never use TVs in my Sims' homes, and why don't I get them cell phones? Do I just hate realistic gameplay, or the modernization of the games? Am I a hypocrite for having pink CC laptops in half of my TS2 builds?

Turns out no I was right about everything obviously as always.

SOME REASONINGS

The basic answer is obvious: not everything realistic is something I want in my game. I wish mindless social media scrolling and binge-watching and capitalism didn't exist. I don't want to add CC Starbucks cups to my game because I don't need Starbucks to be in more places than it already is. Abortion mods personally make me sad, because abortion is a solution to a number of problems I wish we didn't have. In a game with distinct WooHoo (protected sex) and Try for Baby (what it sounds like) options which both make Sims just as happy, why can't every pregnancy be wanted and healthy?

Obviously, there are a lot of Real Life Things in TS2 basegame, like the fact that the central mechanic hinges on time and resource management: you have to figure out when to put your Sim to bed and when to take them to the bathroom to optimize everything else (fulfilling their Wants, making them money, causing chaos, etc.). I find myself much more entertained by planning my Sim's day around their varied needs than I would be trying to figure out TS2 tax mods. Then, too, everyone has a different threshhold for what they consider a good or bad realistic addition, including additions to gameplay. I can't play with the mod ACR (Autonomous Casual Romance), for example, because I am a control freak and if my Sims jump into bed with random people I explode. I'm not against any given mod, particularly because I know that it's just my personal taste to play so carefully. That being said, TS2 is in many ways a game about control: using all your power to help your Sims reach the goals you and the game set for them.

More importantly, though, I play the Sims character-focused. While I love building houses and towns, I don't think about the game as gameplay- or worldbuilding-first; all elements to me are a scaffold for the characters, or the Sims! I play The Sims because I love my Sims the way I love the characters I write and read about and the people I hang out with. This is actually the same thing people are doing with, say, ACR, because they like to feel like their Sims are more 'real' and have their own preferences. By default, for example, the game doesn't set gender preference-- you do, when you instruct your Sim to check out or flirt with or smooch another one. I do occasionally indulge in using ACR (with the main function turned firmly OFF) to randomize sexual preferences in my neighborhood so that I can be surprised. Of course, the latest version allows you to make everyone default bisexual if you'd like...

(I do, for the record, LOVE the people who make tax and abortion and death by illness and welfare mods. I find their ability to handle chaos and ride the wave hands-free admirable, and I especially love watching them play and reading their stories, because everything can hit the fan in an instant. That kind of adaptability and dedication is insane! I think individual players should be able to do and add whatever the crap they want to their games. Have no fear; I am not against the pregnancy-enabled Orgy Rug.)

So, in short, I want my Sims to be happy and fulfilled in good relationships. In my opinion, social media does not provide any of this. I know you want this to be at least 5,000 words of a response, though, so let me prove it to you ^__^

THE SIMS 2 BLOGGING WANTS

TS2 actually does have a comparable feature to TS4's cell phones, which is blogging. If you have the expansion pack FreeTime, your Sims can have hobbies, and let me tell you those little bitches Want nothing more than to Blog About [Hobby]. I have a mod now that tanks the frequency of these Wants and it still comes up too often-- I'm talking every time the Wants rerolled (another Want fulfilled, Sim went to sleep and woke up, etc. You get about 4 Wants each time), I'd get a Blog About [Hobby] Want and it drove me nuts. Yes, it's repetitive, but it's also... unsocial.

In real life, if I'm blogging or scrolling through Tumblr or whatever, I know that every individual user is a human person. I'm experiencing social interaction by chatting and peeping. I am, right now, chatting to beloved friend lazarusemma, in addition to two anonymous persons whom I appreciate very much for showing their interest in my interests. It's similar (but not identical to) my being at a party where my friend says "oh please talk about The Sims 2" and then two people yell out from the crowd, "yeah, talk about The Sims 2!" There is a demonstrable social aspect to all of it.

In TS2, though, there's no way to convey that your Sim is doing that. The reason phone calls work so well is that they're essentially identical to having a Sim walk by, appear on the lot, and chat to your Sim (other than that, of course, you can't play ball over the phone). You see the Sims chatting about various topics, the relationship bars go up, your Sim's Social need fills, and of course on your end you see your Sim walking around and making hand gestures as they talk on the phone. It's really adorable! And, importantly, it's character- and relationship-based. You see your Sim making social connections.

The blogging is a mystery. Is my Sim expressing strong opinions on crafting? Are they making friends through their LiveJournal? Is there drama? Who's reading that blog? I have no idea. It makes no coherent difference to my Sim's life to blog, whatsoever, which is simply not accurate to the social aspects of blogging in real life. It's like if you integrated sewing but all your Sims could do was sit at a sewing machine for 5 hours and nothing would happen. (In practice, sewing increases the Sewing talent & interest in Arts and Crafts, allows Sims to craft and then sell or keep usable items, fulfills Fun needs, etc.)

I'M CREEPING UP ON A CONCLUSION NOW

It's also worth noting that you can't really replicate IRL dynamics in the Sims this way to begin with. IRL I do not have people walking by on the lawn who I can talk to, not just because people don't tend to walk by but also because we live in a world where you might not like someone for reasons beyond "they have Level 10 interest in Money and I have Level 0" or "they have 0 Nice Points." People are transphobic in real life. Furthermore, travel in The Sims 2 is either simple (call someone you know to come over, and they show up within the hour) or impossible (Sims in two different neighborhoods can't & won't ever interact). The Internet solves a problem (physical accessibility of a person or resource) that simply does not exist in these games.

All this is to say that I find some of these mechanics "unproductive," in the sense that I see no benefit to them for the Sim's fulfillment, relationships, etc. If they write a novel in TS2, it takes hours and hours and hours and then it sells and they can take it out of the bookshelf and read it. Blog post in TS2? Into the ether. Does not affect anything in the game. It takes less time for two Sims to have a landline phone call than to call one of them over to the other's house, but when you have those two options, you don't really need IMs (real thing in TS2!) or cell phones. I'm racking my brain to find a use for cell phones and I guess if another Sim was using the landline it'd be helpful....? But I don't play in big families, so, again, subjectively useless to me. What I really want as an answer to any gameplay mechanic is: what goal does this achieve better than any other current mechanic? Writing a novel, calling a Sim, and using a sewing machine all have a good answer, while I personally feel cell phones and social media do not. That doesn't mean you can't add them, just that I find them useless.

So, at the end of the day, I'm right about not everything realistic being an inherently good gameplay choice, particularly when it forces me to remember substantive real life issues (I wish I had more control over my phone! I wish companies weren't inventing new ways to keep me scrolling!), while adding nothing of value to gameplay and forcing my Sims to stop what they're doing to perform an animation which has no material significance to their lives, meaning, no significance to my gameplay or investment. We should also be asking ourselves why we want to imitate real life, and whether we can, before we start doing it. Yeah, sure, you could integrate credit card payments into The Sims 2 basegame... but would it actually make the game more fun to play? What factors make credit cards necessary IRL, and do or should they exist in TS2?

I find this to be part of TS4's trend of throwing everything into the game to see what sticks, which for me made for pretty overwhelming initial gameplay, though I'm completely willing to admit I "played it wrong" by starting with a bunch of packs. (I didn't want them, but the copy I was... borrowing... came with them all.) I know social media in TS4 has been updated since-- I'm just not a fan of the game for other reasons, and personally, I don't think I need social media in my games no matter how well-integrated they become. I wrote this post for funsies (*‘ω‘ *) The Sims 2 reigns supreme!

#txt #the sims 2 #<- for tagging purposes if you know anything about this game PLEASE ignore me I'm a rando.#I promise I will someday deliver well-thought-out posts on trigger warnings and original fiction but for now... happy eats.#yves talks #yves talks sims

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mariska · 10 months

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hi i would like to share a recent personal experience (with a surprisingly positive resolution) about challenging hate speech in online video games that have chat features as an extremely socially anxious autistic person + also some thoughts i've held for a very long time regarding the need for folks who are privileged enough to not be targets of constant harassment in video game social environments to use that privilege by speaking up when witnessing hate speech for those of us who can't safely do so

(this ended up being a super long post i'm sorry, i tried to split it into separated paragraphs to make it a bit more accessible to read but i needed to get this whole train of thought written outside of my brain before i unintentionally move on to some other point of focus and forget all of this)

i dont usually like posting about bad online video game interactions since thats a Bummer, but. i wanted to make a post to share a brief interaction i was a part of in the text chat of an online team game last night that actually had a positive resolution even just for the sake of being able to say that i've witnessed a bad video game interaction involving me as a target end up with a positive resolution. i'm gonna put the rest of this whole thing under a 'read more' so that it hopefully doesn't clog anyone's dash up with long-scrolling text wall:

i was playing 'versus' mode in Left 4 Dead 2 on my computer last night, which for anyone not familiar with that gamemode, is where one team of 4 people play as the human survivors and the other team of 4 people play as the game's 'Special Infected' zombies (Boomer, Hunter, Tank, etc. on a randomized respawn rotation). its very fun and chaotic but because of the chaotic rapid respawn nature of the zombie side and the fact that you don't usually play as the special infected zombies in the regular 'campaign', its not uncommon to be put in matches with ppl who have no patience for anyone who isnt super experienced or skilled or whatever as every special infected on the zombie team and people start arguments in the chat pretty often. im not a fan of ppl acting out like that but usually its just Annoying and i ignore it and carry on,

last night though, someone on the opposite team of mine (mine was currently the zombies; the game goes back and forth to let each team do their best at surviving the same levels on both sides; one team gets as far as they can as humans and then the other tries to match that score or do better if they can and so on) was getting increasingly frustrated that whenever their team was playing as the survivors they weren't quite making it as far towards the map end goals as my team was, because my team was doing slightly better at teaming up as the special infected zombies to get bigger scores and hold them away from their goal.

eventually he got so visibly upset in the text chat that he went "ok. r*tarded but ok', and then followed up quickly with something along the lines of "yall know you're a bunch of fkin r*tards right" (i censored it here, he did not originally) and that immediately crossed a boundary line for me because i'm autistic, and once was already too much, but twice in a row made me very uncomfortable. i didn't know or care if he was saying it to us (his enemy team), or his own team for having a slightly lower score as the survivors, but nobody else in the game had shown any text or voice chat signs of being unsafe people or angry people, so i felt safe enough to go in the text chat (i usually do not do this because i usually do not feel safe enough to do so in groups of strangers online)

i said something like "learn a new word to use, maybe?", just to kind of be like, 'hey, nobody else in this game is talking the way you are, don't be That Guy' you know? he said "why? its not like its a big deal", which was kinda sad to read 'cause it gave me the impression that this person probably spends a good amount of time (willingly or unwillingly) around people who commonly use slurs because its 'not a big deal'; again, nobody else in the match was getting involved verbally or textually, and we all continued to play the game while this happened, so i decided that i was going to stick up for myself since i don't often feel like i have the opportunity to do that in the text chat of games without feeling humiliated or thrown under the bus by my teammates or whatever.

while i was typing the guy added "i wasnt even saying it to you anyways" (does not matter to me, obviously). i finished the response i had been typing to his message about 'its not a big deal' and said "it is a big deal, actually!". by this point, his character had been eliminated entirely and his team had one or two human survivors running to their end goal map exit for the round, so he had more free time to type and he replied to me and said "whatever, you do you i guess". i said "well. i'm autistic, so." and meant to say 'i guess i will' in response to 'you do you', but the round ended after i sent that reply and the loading screen popped up for the survivor/zombie team switch

when it did, he wrote "fair 'nuff." in the chat like a minute or so into the very start of the round when both teams were getting set up and everything, and i was honestly fine with that as a general resolution to the whole thing, because the minute or so of time in between my last message and the non-aggressive bluntness of it made me feel like he probably felt at least a little guilty realizing that he was casually tossing around a slur that is very commonly used against autistic people to An Actual Autistic Person in the same game as him, and that worked for me.

the game went on as it regularly had been for like five or so more minutes, and then he suddenly sent another final and honestly unexpected message in the group chat that said, in no response to any other messages that had been typed by anyone since his last one, "alright i'm sorry i used that word in chat mariska" (my name/username). which was actually wild for me to see because i am very much not used to getting actual apologies from strangers who say bad stuff in game chats, and i genuinely appreciated that he either hadn't stopped thinking about it and felt bad about acting out, or maybe some of his own teammates had prompted him to apologize in their respective team chat or something; either way, i gave a genuine "thank you." in the chat to let him know the gesture was appreciated, and for the rest of the maybe 30 or so mins that the whole match lasted, there was no more aggressiveness or slurs or toxicity at all in the chat from either team's side. when the game ended all together, he was one of the first people to type "gg" (good game) in the chat, as did myself and almost all of the other folks in the match, and after that i stopped playing for the night.

sorry for the big long text post, but i wanted to share this somewhere other than just that isolated game match chat between 8 people, because i very often see a lot of people (on pretty much any social media but mostly on here tbh) make posts regarding this exact kind of video game or general online text chat community experience where the person writing the post encourages others who also commonly witness it, or are the target of slurs, harassment, threats etc, to speak up (if it is safe to do so, imo 'speaking up' or 'calling out' people you dont know especially in aggressive game communities should be the responsibility of allies/friends/non-targeted folks more often than those of us who are being harassed or threatened or talked down to ourselves since it is inherently more dangerous for us to defend ourselves unfortunately and it can take a very serious turn against us very fast, think 'swatting' or doxxing, as a few examples off the top of my head) against the language/slurs/bigotry/harassment that aggressive, angry, frustrated strangers commonly spew in text and/or voice game chats, and as someone who plays a lot of team based online games regularly and has played online games in general since the mid-2000's, i couldn't agree more with the people i've seen writing posts or game journalism articles encouraging people to refuse to allow that kind of behavior to be validated by others in an online match, or to only ignore it when there is a safe opportunity to make it known that at least one person refuses to tolerate whatever behavior the aggressor is displaying.

anyways, to make an accidentally way too long story short; more often than not, in online video game chat circles, it's unfortunately just not going to be super productive to call out casual hate speech & harassment because there are typically (in my personal experiences at least) more people in a group of strangers that either enjoy seeing targets of harassment get upset and will join in with the original aggressor to humiliate whoever speaks against it, or who behave the same way as the aggressor and validate their own patterns of hate speech as being acceptable and common by defending their behavior/siding with them in larger numbers.

but! in situations where you're watching that happen, to yourself or others, and everyone else is either silent or doesn't seem to agree/enjoy watching someone have a bigoted hissy fit in a video game chat, it absolutely can be worth it to be the person who makes it clear to that person that they are the problem. unless you personally know every individual person who is playing in the same match group as you, there is no 100% way to know exactly who all the other players are outside of their characters or personas they're represented by in-game. people who tend to be commonly perceived as pretty emotionally mature in general, in any part of online or offline life, can and do absolutely come across as temporary social role models/behavioral leaders to the other real human beings around them in the moment, regardless of whether that's intentional on their end or not.

i'm not quite sure if the term 'peer pressure' is exactly what i'm looking for as terminology right now since that term is typically applied in negative behavior patterns, but that concept is very real in any gathering of multiple people - it can (and again, in SAFE settings, should) be utilized in a positive, constructive way to prompt someone to think before they speak/type, and to make a point to everyone present in the moment that we are all allowed to openly bring attention to harassment and hate speech. that point is an especially important realization for people who may hold generally higher positions of privilege than those of us who speak against it, since they are the ones that really need to be doing this kind of thing more often and in larger majorities than those of us who are put in danger when we bring attention to hateful behavior simply by existing as oppressed people of any kind.

i guess the whole main train of thought i'm attempting to explain with all of this is, like. before that one person started typing out a slur two times in a row that has been used against me so many times in my life that my brain went into auto-pilot and refused to let him feel comfortable saying it again, nobody was typing anything like 'gg' or 'gr' (good round, when a game isn't totally finished yet) at all, which was fine that's not like a requirement, but when that next round ended after the guy apologized and i said thank you, everyone else started saying 'gr' until the match ended and there were a bunch of 'gg's instead, like i mentioned above.

in all honesty, if i hadn't been so exhausted last night from having a really difficult day earlier that involved a lot of unintentional trauma triggers, panic attacks and anti-anxiety medication, i probably would have just left the game or not said anything when that happened, because i am terrified of confrontation and i am very used to it resulting in bad outcomes for me so i try very hard to have self-control and not potentially feed into trolls online, but i had a really really bad day, and that was my late night comfort special interest activity, and it pissed me off that i couldn't avoid traumatic triggers even in that short distraction before attempting to get some sleep. i was acting totally on emotionally charged impulse which is something that i try so hard not to do with strangers in video games of all places.

but i mention that specifically because it still made a difference in that one match, and because of that we were all able to have fun playing a video game the way it was meant to be played for friendly competitive enjoyment. i will probably never interact or maybe even just run into any of those people in a game lobby again, so obviously there's no way for me to know if the person who typed the slur messages will just continue to do that in other games anyways or if getting called-out on hateful behavior had any kind of impact on how he might think a few seconds longer before saying something like that to strangers online again in the future, but like. i don't know. that's kind of the point, i think? he seemed at the very least pretty embarrassed that nobody wanted to defend him or feed into the whole 'its not a big deal' thing, to the point that he actually apologized appropriately to me directly in a social setting where 6 other people saw it, so maybe that was a feeling of temporary guilt or shame or just being humbled a bit that he needed to experience to learn something from.

some people really are just not worth the mental or emotional effort to respond to because they are so set and fixed in their ways, and they're a stranger, and it's not our responsibility to fix that, especially in video games, that's why i usually. Dont Bother. but also sometimes people are so self-centered or uncaring or maybe even projecting self-hatred of how they think of themselves onto strangers because they don't view those strangers as fully realized human beings that continue living their lives after exiting out of a video game, who knows, i don't and i really don't care to, but i truly think there are a large amount of people in this kind of situation that just repeat whatever they've learned and heard around them for however long, and think of it as 'no big deal', and they suddenly feel very embarrassed and ashamed and small when one of the usernames they view as just a username on a screen talks back and they are faced with the realization that they said something awful to a real person, not an npc, not a left 4 dead 2 zombie character, and the other 6 real people there say nothing to defend them, because what they said sucked, and we're all trying to have fun playing a silly game, and they deserved to be embarrassed about it.

i think that's maybe my Big Concluding Thought on this whole thing. not necessarily 'everyone join me in Bringing Peace And Harmony To Left 4 Dead 2 Online Text Chat', but like...your words mean things to people you don't know when you say things to them in a place like a video game chat, and the largest majority of people playing most games just wanna play the game, so like. maybe think for a second or two before you just say stuff that sucks. especially if it sucks because it is literal hate speech? but also in general when it just sucks because its just a mean unwanted and unhelpful comment. and maybe ask yourself, if you're someone who jokes about wishing you werent 'so toxic when i play but i cant help it' or if you say things just to say things because 'its no big deal', why? why are you like that? you literally do not have to be. you don't know the lives and experiences of the people you're spending a very small amount of time with together in a game online and when you do this kind of stuff, when you're mean and 'toxic' and you call people slurs when they don't get as many high little numbers next to your digital team's fake video game scoreboard as you want them to get, the only impression or memory they will ever have of you is that they don't like you and you made a lighthearted experience suck for 7 people. that is all you get to be to that person forever.

idk, maybe other people don't think that's sad and maybe it doesn't bother them, but if that was the most common impression i left on a bunch of different groups of strangers that i wont get to interact with again afterwards i would feel pretty sad and ashamed about it.

anyways. i need to partake in tasks that do not involve rambling on my phone now but if you read this that is cool thank you, if you didnt that is fine i understand this became a ridiculously long post out of nowhere i do not blame u, and. i hope you have a good day. ok goodbye

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fraelonas-bologna · 11 months

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I so want to play XIV again, but I struggle with a severe flavor of social anxiety that's heavily reinforced by some really shitty early childhood conditioning. It was essentially beaten into my head that other humans are fundamentally dangerous, and if I was ever hurt by them, then *a very explicit everything* that happened to me would be my own fault for failing to be careful enough. Even if it was something like getting kidnapped or run over by a car.

As a grown adult with a somewhat healthy sense of autonomy, I don't agree with the ugly, isolating, and abusive messaging that went into this conditioning AT ALL. But the problem with early childhood conditioning is what it does to the brain. You can logically and philosophically disagree with the BS that put it there all you like, but the moment you try to defy it, all the terror of feeling like a small child in trouble comes roaring right back. It's neurologically hard-wired.

So my experience with getting into dungeons has been either a feeling of relief--like I just barely dodged a bullet-- that nothing went too terribly bad if no one in the party was an ass, or if they were...a feeling of horrific embarrassment and a sense that I'm facing the consequences of "being so irresponsible as to put myself in that situation". I feel, yet again, like a small child on the verge of being punished for something she couldn't control.

I'm in my fucking late 30's.

I'm also on a waiting list for EMDR, because that's supposed to be extremely helpful with traumatic shit that's neurologically "stuck" like that.

In the meantime, the only way I can play and have any kind of fun is if I have someone (semi-competent) who I already know play with me. My younger sister tried to help there after a long-distance friend was no longer enjoying fighting the lag of server not in their area for content they'd already been through, but that came with the added distress of trying to teach and guide someone who isn't a regular gamer, and the terror of possibly being held responsible for her/ feeling like it was my job to protect her. (I have not told her all this--she doesn't have the same flavor of social anxiety I do and can easily hold her own where people are concerned. A lot of it is my own insecurity.) My husband also joined in, but I got the sense he was only doing it to be helpful; not because he was actually that interested in the game. (He insists he is...I just can't bring myself to believe him.) So, once my sister's computer broke and was out for servicing for a month, I decided not to ask them to play again. I know they both have other things they'd much rather be doing, and if they're truly interested, it's on them to bring it up. I don't want to deal with the fear that I'm only being placated, and as long as literal mind-reading isn't possible, that fear will constantly be there, gnawing at the back of my mind like a damn termite.

But goddamn does it make me really fucking sad that all these psychological obstacles are in the way, because I really do want to play. I just exist in a world and/or mental state where everyone already has who or what they want, so my job is to wait...

...and wait...

It fucking sucks, seeing patch after patch after patch come out, but never having so much as made it past Heavensward. It stings, seeing so many others being able to play like it's no big deal, or at least be able to overcome their anxiety simply through doing the thing. (Again, I tried. For over a year. Exposure didn't work, because neurological conditioning.)

#Just needed to get this off my chest.#As one might imagine this shit affects waaaay more than just games.#But it's especially despair inducing when it comes with a big 'No Fun Allowed' sign.

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jacscorner · 1 year

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Steam Powered: Little Hamster, Big Adventure

I've had my eyes on this game when I heard about it back in around June (it came out in March this year), but I couldn't buy it because I didn't have a computer that ran windows.

But that changed recently and I finally remembered to snag this little game.

PomPom - The Great Space Rescue is a cute little puzzle platformer. It looks kind of like a Mario Game with the Kirby Aesthetic.

The story is pretty simple. PomPom is just running on his little hamster wheel when his owner, Hoshi, comes home with jewels that just fell from the sky! How lucky!

Except not! He's not lucky at all! Because a crew of Space Pirate Cats want those jewels and kidnap Hoshi! PomPom, his lovable hamster, is the only one who can save the day!

Like Mario & Kirby, your objective is to guide PomPom from right to left and reach the end of the stage. But that is where the similarities abruptly end.

PomPom will automatically move from left to right and jump whenever he's at a ledge. Even if there's nothing under him.

Instead of playing as PomPom himself, you control a cursor. PomPom will collect random objects on his path; from gurders to walk under to springs to bounce off of, balloons to ride on, hammers to break platforms, and more! Your job is to stop time, place down platforms for PomPom to platform on, and help him reach the end of the stage without this little hamster getting himself killed.

This game, I don't think, requires cat-like reflexes. I don't know if it's my fat fingers or my greasy hands, but I find it a little difficult to pause the game (spacebar) and set down an object (left mouse click) at the same time. I don't know if I just need to deep clean my laptop or if this game is better with a proper mouse and not a trackpad. (NOTE: You don't NEED to stop time to set platforms down, it just makes it easier.)

My only tip, and it's not really a good one, is that you should save your platform and not use them until you know exactly where Pompom is going. Otherwise, you're either gonna waste something or trap yourself.

Thankfully the game is pretty forgiving. Instead of lives, it gives you second chances for when Pompom dies; you get a nice bubble that gives you a few seconds to place Pompom where you want on the screen. Sometimes, it can feel a little pointless, like you're in a bad position and you can't continue one way or the other. But other times, this can get you out of a really tight spot and give you that one pickup you REALLY needed to make it to the next checkpoint.

At the time of writing, I only beat the first world's levels. But I'm already hungry for more and I want other people to love this little game! If I beat this game, I'll give it a proper score. But from what I played, I think the game's a solid A+!

#PomPom #PomPom The Great Space Rescue #JAC Analysis #Steam Powered

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tumbling-down-the-hall · 11 days

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What do I want in my relationship?

Little surprises. Not Pokemon cards. Something that actually made you think of me.

Random notes. I love reading notes. You wrote me one back when we first started dating. I still have it. But you haven't done anymore.

It feels like you've stopped caring about "winning" me over. And it hurts.

You try but you don't. You brought home strawberries from work because you know I like fruit. Cute. You got them out of the blue slip cooler (which means free) so it goes out of date faster.

You take out the garbage and recycling but only on your days off.

You randomly bring home Pokemon cards. Why pokemon cards because once upon a time we opened them together. But now you don't play the game and we don't really collect them anymore. You keep saying we could sell them. But you haven't.

You complain about not having money but when it comes to having alcohol you always seem to have enough money for that but not enough for us to have a proper date night.

When was the last time we actually had a date night? When was the last time we dressed up to go out? The Christmas party? We didn't do shit for our anniversary because you got me sick and then we didn't do anything following that. You bought steak and shrimp or something to make a nice dinner for the two of us and then you ended up eating it all.

Last time we went out it was to the tulip fields. We don't go out together anymore. We don't do anything together. We sit in the same room sometimes. But you are always on the computer.

Your brother made a comment that y'all were raised to be independent so you are used to not needing people or needing to do things and just being around us is good enough. But idk that doesn't feel like enough when we don't do anything else.

The 2/2/2 plan would have worked. Every 2 weeks a date night, every 2 months a weekend out and every two years a week away. We used to have a date night once a week when we didn't live together. Once we started living together that stopped happening. We don't even eat dinner together.

I want to be able to depend on you. But I can't. I can to some degree but I really can't. I know you would take care of me. And I know you rarely say no to me. I feel like I'm always saying no to you. But that's not going to change. I don't want to play a game that you have already played through multiple times. I was having fun playing v rising with you but clearly that's gone.

What do you want from me? What do you see in me? What are we? What am I to you?

What do you need out of this relationship besides sex and touch?

He wants to one day get married to me. I am his lady.

We sat and talked about some of this. I yelled at him for using why's so often. When I told him I didn't like something he kept asking why and it pisses me off. I didn't hit him with my book but I almost did. I grabbed him afterwards. And kinda shook him. And yelled in his face. We continued talking and I apologized for it. I told him about the love and care manuals and how I know his but it feels like he doesn't know mine. And how I didn't know if that was him not caring or me not opening it for him. And then I started crying really hard. So hard I couldn't breathe through my nose. So I started laughing because of how bad it was. I laugh at stupid things all the time.

Prior to us having the conversation I got so mad instead of hitting my hand. I bit my arm. And you can tell .. it was a really hard bite. I have a bruise over Saturn now. Or I will definitely have one it's just red right now.

He annoys me 75% of the time and I annoy him 25% of the time. It's not balance but it is what it is.

He asked me if I wanted to be in the relationship and I told him I don't know. There are times where I'm like yes obviously but then there are other times that I'm immediately like why am I still putting up with this bullshit.

Idk if he is trying to get better. But I know I am. And I also know that even if this relationship has an expiration date. I'm glad it has happened. (I read a short story about relationships having expiration dates and idk it made me feel better about my own relationship and if it ends it ends. )

He wants me to have fun and be able to hang with friends. And while I love that he wants that for me. I don't trust my friends to look out for me. Gamer says I get more ambitious when I drink and yeah that's part of the reason I was able to sign karaoke but it was also because it was a song I know REALLY well.

I kinda hate that my friends (and boyfriend) want me to drink to have fun. Gamer made a comment about me having this burden on my shoulders and I don't need to have it. I don't need to sit in the corner and be the watcher. I can be part of the games. I don't think fast enough to be in the group. But at the same time I know I do. I've made stupid comments before that has made everybody go into an uproar and they still will.

I think some questions that I need to think on are why don't I feel safe. Why do I feel the need to be in control? What happened when I was younger that has made me this person. I don't think I'm a type A person but I also know that i have tendencies and that is okay.

Do we think he is going to remember the conversations we had? Given that he drank and hadn't had any food? Probably not. But that's okay. Maybe I can do better at round two when it comes up.

#life #tumbling down to hell #ugh #friends #fuck this #help #im getting help #therapy #conversations

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moveslikeanape · 4 months

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ohh, that's too bad about your computer not being able to play dreamlight valley! i have heard that the game is supposed to have a mobile version, but i'm not sure if it's been released yet or not, so that could be something to look into. also, i can totally see that about tarzan wanting to dive right in and learn about everything around him. i'm sure that if jane were there with him she'd also be really excited to show him new things and help him with anything he didn't understand. oof, yeah, i didn't wanna be too harsh about wish in case you were still really looking forward to the movie, but i admit that my mixed feelings about it are more on the negative side. i like a couple of the songs, but they're riddled with strange and poorly written lyrics (for example, "i'm a star, watch out world here i are" or "i let you live here for free and i don't even charge rent") and some of them sound so generic that i just feel like i've already heard them before. after seeing the concept art and hearing about some of the ideas that didn't make it in, i ended up feeling like the movie had a lot of missed potential. it's a shame, especially since this was disney's 100th anniversary film. there is one other tarzan reference besides the shoutout in the credits, though, so definitely look out for that when you watch it! that's true about mark mancina, i see a lot of praise for tarzan's soundtrack that's specifically about phil collins, but mark created such a good score to go with his work. i'm really glad he got to work on moana as well. ooh i see, that does all sound pretty interesting! i love to read as well and pretty much always have a long list of things i'd like to read, and never enough time for all of them LOL. but i'll definitely have to add the tarzan novels to that list and try to check them out someday. are there any other tarzan movies you enjoy besides disney's version? -🌟

I looked, and is is available through Apple Arcade… but same problem, don't have a compatible device, lol. Not into computers/phones/etc enough to try and keep up with the latest. Would rather stretch my devices as long as I can and save the money for my collection. Oh well, maybe someday I'll play it. Would be so awesome to see more of Jane helping Tarzan learn new things though!

I agree with you on the lyrics, some of them are so bad!! I remember hearing those lines for the first time and feeling embarrassed for them. They sound like they're from a cheap bootleg ripoff, not from the most prestigious animation company in the world. They should be ashamed of themselves, they used to have incredible song lyrics.

That's awesome there's one other Tarzan reference though!! A very good reason to give it a watch!

Mark's score for Tarzan and Brother Bear are so beautiful. As soon as I saw he was doing Moana I knew I was going to love it!

Ah, the pain of never having enough time to read… and it always seems that when you do, you can't find anything to read! I'm currently halfway through the Asian Saga by James Clavell. I've read those books so many times I've lost count. I was about a third of the way through Shogun when I found out that there's a new FX series based on the book that's going to be on Disney+ at the end of February! Although I've finished reading Shogun since, I'm trying to finish reading the other 5 books before the series starts… I don't think I'm going to make it, lol.

I hope you enjoy the Tarzan novels if you get to read them!!

I haven't seen many other Tarzan movies, but I did really enjoy Greystoke with Christopher Lambert and Andie MacDowell. Of the ones I've seen it feels the closet to the books. And it has an unexpected connection to the Disney version… Andie MacDowell's voice was dubbed by Glenn Close, so it's like seeing Jane and hearing Kala!

Growing up I watched the Tarzan tv series starring Wolf Larson and Lydie Denier, which was my first introduction to Tarzan. It takes place in more modern times, and Jane was French in it. I watched it again a few years ago, and it was definitely not as good as I remember it being. But as a kid I found it thrilling, used to stay up until 3 am every Saturday to watch it!

#strangers like me

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violetsystems · 1 year

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#personal

I've been trying to wrap my head around fairly mundane things lately instead of the usual geopolitical prison I seemed to be trapped in. I would say everyone is trapped in it since these are the times we live in. But sometimes it seems "the times" are the ones starring in the show and I've been written out of the main narrative. Money and income are unfortunately not so divorced from the reality of this situation. So I've been trying to stay productive and proactive about how I manage it in a tight situation. Been fairly successful downsizing through eBay lately. It's one of those things I've tried to gain some momentum on like posting the music. But music doesn't sell. And I'd be surprised if anyone outside here listened to it. This is ok because I really only make music like poetry these days. If I'm feeling some type of way about some type of thing or person. I'll explore it in song. And if somebody vibes with whatever tones I created that's all I can really ask for. Machine or otherwise. I've been thinking a lot about the art we put out there being consumed and secretly validated by machines. Human beings rely on computers now for so much in a heavily isolated world. How can AI fake being human in a vacuum filled with the same basic ass shit? What can it be inspired enough by to inspire other people? Most algorithms are just a laundry list of tasks to repeat and not actual human intelligence. Which is fine because most people are just going through the motions. Most companies don't truly understand what their algorithms and ai even do. I like to post music to YouTube just the same. Maybe computers deep down see and know things we can't connect to. Maybe because we blocked it out due to heavy trauma. I think of computers as an extension of the person who uses them. I've been working in technology for years. I played with a modem when I was twelve faking that I was Neuromancer behind the keyboard. I would post up the second phone line from my bedroom on bulletin board systems and role play I was a secret site. People would call and it was like war games cosplay. This is how I wanted to make friends back then. Possibly because I was teased, isolated and wanted to explore something new. If you know me these days or have over the years on this site, it probably makes more sense why I feel comfortable here with people. People use the anonymous concept of handles on the internet much in the same way for their own reasons. I'm sadly always on main but I respect the space of it all. And ultimately I am truly deep down as genuine, transparent and hardcore as you would expect me to be. There's not much difference from me here and real life anymore. But it often feels silo'd in a way that I trust but try not to pry into. The fact that things I secretly like and represent seem to bleed into real life can be disorienting. Especially in a process where behind the scenes my life has been catastrophic.

It isn't so bad to have the attention. I definitely crave it. And with things as they are in the news, I often contemplate being responsible to set an example for myself. I literally don't understand how we've created a world that runs backwards particularly for women and rights. Let alone the fact that men seem to have regressed into a lazy state of insecurity that deems their needs filled first. Most men don't even know themselves inside emotionally let alone sexually. And probably are a one trick pony when it comes to expressing empathy, emotion or love outside of getting their nut off. I'm not trying to be doctor ruth on Tumblr but I am trying to set aside a real conscious attempt to set myself apart. Everybody's sexuality is their business and I hope for people to be able to express it without being blocked by manmade created trauma. It's true that I want to be in a committing and loving relationship. And I don't really doubt that won't happen to me if it hasn't already in some capacity. I'm about as sexually frustrated as they come in some ways. In others not so much. It definitely isn't Christian of me to have had sex outside of marriage. Three committed relationships to be exact. I haven't had sex for a really long time. I don't mind talking about it but in these times men seem to feel as if they're hunted or persecuted for the fact. The same men who seem to have no accountability or responsibility when confronted and are showered with press, attention and seemingly money. I can't really and don't want to compete with that shit. So I look to the value in being inspired to be attractive, sexy and confident in my own way. And I think we all do in our own space and skin just the same. I have over the years on here been trapped in communities that were very judgmental behind the scenes about the things I posted and wrote about. And these days it's a different vibe with a lot of feminine energy leading the invisible conversation. But when one half of the creator of the adult cartoon Rick and Morty says this shit about how all our heroes are secretly horrible people? I feel like a villain. And when I confront that logic over and over again particularly in a male dominated society? Something strange happens. Men get more and more mad at me and the women they control. Which is sad to say. And women seem far more comfortable to hang out with. And yes, I do like women very much. And you can tell maybe I think too deeply of how to respectfully express this while being myself. This space has always respected that and it's grown over time. So much so that I don't really understand what any man thinks they're going to accomplish acting the way they do to attract women.

I'm not here to argue for men anymore. I'm not here to educate people and lead the social justice movement. I like somebody. They know it. And I'm just trying to be the best version of me and grow with that. I don't really know anything about specifically what is going on at all. I'm sure the people I'm close to know more than I do. And most of those people are women and sharing that kind of power feels like it will pay itself forward. You have to create an environment somebody you like would feel comfortable being around in. Especially if you are a scary ass male in a world full of performative chauvinists. It isn't like I don't get horny or get turned on by things I see. How empty fantasy would be if we didn't appreciate reality all the more because of it? People are jealous of it. Read too deeply into it. Don't realize how long I've been sharing things over time. And honestly I haven't ever cared what people think because their results are always garbage to me. I go my own way and have had enough failure to know I'll work it out. But it is really harsh being trapped between all of this and not able to move forward. People have so many secret opinions and rules about who I am that I cannot control, influence or seem to change. So I've been really just living with blinders on. I don't have much social interaction outside of Tumblr in a horribly isolated way. I know this probably is for the best. It's not that I'm socially awkward outside of when it seems I'm being surveilled in public by eighteen different parties. I'm ready to call it a complete mess out there. Which is why I'm glad I choose to keep things very unique in this walled garden. There's people out there in real life who have known me for years but haven't reached out. Maybe they read all these one day over brunch with their friends and reminisce that I made the same mistakes as them. But I have never even had a hand held like I have here. And sometimes when people invade my dash it doesn't feel right. It's not like another onion layer of emotional protection for someone I care about. It's people who should now better not to pry into my life. I learned the hard way through trying to pursue this cybersecurity shit that you are the weakest link. I disconnect from a lot of things and remain anonymous because I want the Kate bush Babushka experience. If it's a test of noise, it's peaceful and quiet when the right people tap me on the shoulder. I don't squander that. I don't take it for granted. And I'm not really in control as a male and fine with it. What's the rest of the world's excuse? They're not invited. Private party. In France they call it a soiree. They also kiss with their mouths open. I'm drooling just thinking about it. <3 Tim

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simp-for-yandere · 2 years

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I wanted to take a game so i opened ebay and search for PS4, i chosed one and saw the list of all the game they were selling and i saw Final Fantasy VII remake at a really good price so i ordered it. Unfortunately the seller contacted my a while after and told my the game was out of stock and that i had to chose another one and he even gave me some options of other final fantasy games. So i re-opend eBay and searched in the list for another one with the same prize and decided to take Detroit: Become Human or Resident evil origins and DAMN chosing DBH as my first option is the best decision i ever done in my fu**ing life. This game is a MASTERPICE and don't get my started about the characters (*cough* CONNOR *cough*) the only thing I feel a little sorry about is the fact that in the PS4 version i obviously can't use all the awesome mod you can use on the computer but i prefer playing on the PS4 l, not only because of the better screen but mostly because I SUCK at playing on the computer, i find it uncomfortable. Anyway I'm at the chapter "Public Enemy" and I'm taking more happy and pacifist decision because it's the first time I play and i can't already bear with all the possible emotional damage (and honestly i feel so bad when Connor dies, fortunately he never died while i played). But I have to admit that he is so fucking hot in the "machine route" (i saw a couple of edits) and he is cold and sarcastic and i love and hate it at the same time. I love puppy Connor but I'm kinda attracted to mean Connor too so...

One last thing... PLS write more ff about Connor x reader (if someone wants to write a Yandere one i would be the happiest girl in the world). I read some of them on Tumblr and their really good, I tried something on Wattpad, Quotev and AO3 too but i found a few good ones and the others are too fast for my taste (don't get my wrong i don't really like the incredibly slow burn but i don't enjoy the incredibly fast too)

#detriot become human #connor rk800 #markus dbh #kara dbh #video games #ps4games #dbh connor #yandere connor #connor x reader

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soyeahitsmiddleearth · 3 years

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Multi-Dimensional Pt. 5

In which you have a genius idea to take these suckers out, you accidentally do something you’re not supposed to, and you take the taller bit of your friends out.

----

And then, you realize, that it's getting deeper into October.

As it got deeper into October, the dwarves and hobbit remain in your house. It's been a total of 2 1/2 weeks, now, and you can tell they're getting antsy from staying in one place for so long.

Like, around halloween time.

An idea strikes you in the head like a bag of bricks, and right away you realize that you're a genius.

You're sitting on the couch with Bilbo, Oin, and Bofur when the lightbulb goes off in your head suddenly, and once it does you hop to your feet and run upstairs at top speed, successfully baffling everyone idly watching the nature documentary you put on.

You pass Dwalin and Balin while you zoom to your bedroom, and when they see you run past them like freaking Speedy Gonzales they're both super confused.

Right away you grab your laptop off your bed and pull up a window.

The keys of your compute clack softly while you type in your town as well as 'Halloween Festival' and the first few results as well as images on the Google engine prove your theory.

Every year here people dress up in advance and celebrate throughout the duration of the week leading up to it. Of course, the trick-or-treating only happens on the day of, but there are a plethora of other things for people to do during that week.

People dress up, children go on field trips, there's a festival, and even the grocery stores have little events they put on to promote their business.

You've never really gone before since crowded places aren't the most comfortable for you, but you actually feel a little giddy about taking them all to see the town with you.

Right away you know you're going to have to buy them all costumes, but for the last week you've been pet sitting this rich couples Rag-doll cat, Princess, and your going rate is $18/hr for a week... Do the math ;).

You're going to get paid later in the day today after you drop her back off at their house, and that's not even accounting for the other animals you've been watching for varying amounts as well.

So, essentially, you're gonna be perfectly fine financially.

Anyways, as soon as you're done doing your little bit of research there on your computer you close it and leave your room again, hopping down the stairs with a big bright smile on your face.

When you reenter the living room, everyone is gathered there and looking at you expectantly.

At first, you don't do or say anything since you're super confused, but when the silence begins to drag on for too long you ask hesitantly, "Uh... Is everything alright? What's going on?"

"Well, you left to your room very quickly." Bilbo comments, standing up from his spot on the couch, "But from the smile on your face, I'm assuming it wasn't because of anything bad?"

You nod your head and sigh, leaning down to pet Mittens who is rubbing herself against your legs, "Yeah, everything's fine. It's great, actually." You pause for dramatic effect, then add, "I just figured out a way to take all of you out! Like, to see the town and stuff!"

"You have?" Thorin asks, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

"Mmhm!" You stand up straight and nod your head quickly, bouncing on the balls of your feet, "See, I figured I'd probably be able to take you and maybe Kili, Bofur, and Dwalin out at some point... like, if some of you were to groom yourselves different or wear hats...," once more you stop your speech and realize that may be offensive, "N-Not that I think there's anything wrong with how you look-"

"Nobody is offended, I'm sure. Go on." Thorin urges, amusement present on their faces from your sudden frantic backtracking so you don't offend them.

"R-Right, uh... anyways, you guys are taller so I knew I could probably bring you along sometime, but I wasn't sure how to get everyone else to come along, and then I realized that this next week is the week leading up to halloween!" You say it like it will answer all their questions, forgetting that they probably don't know what halloween is.

Silence passes by for a few seconds as they wait for you to go on, and when you don't Kili asks, "What's 'halloween'?"

"Oh, yeah, it's like, a holiday where children dress up and go to peoples houses to get candy. And when I say dress up, I mean in costumes." You rub the back of your neck while you explain and add, "In my city, the place we are now, we celebrate throughout the whole week. There are games, festivals, and lots of events... and there are people running around in masks all of the time. So I can get some of you costumes and then I can bring you all along!" Your smile returns as you pick apart the details, and it seems your excitement is contagious.

"Wait, so we will get to walk around the town and see other things?" Nori questions, looking over at his brothers with a smile.

"Yeah, but I gotta get you costumes first. Like, ghosts and some masks of different things. But if we wanna make the most of our time then I should probably go now."

You turn after that and go to the counter to grab your purse, pausing when Balin asks, "So it's a holiday where people run around in disguises, getting candy, and playing games as a community?"

Once again you nod your head, turning around to look at him with the same bright smile on your face.

"So, anyone can be anyone?" The older dwarf asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yeah, pretty much." You look down and go through your purse, making sure everything you need is in there before walking over to put on your tennis shoes.

"Even the man who was here the week before?"

Now that certainly gives you a pause.

Before you were never worried about it, but now with what's happened with him, you aren't so sure that it's so safe anymore.

"Um... yeah, I guess." You'd rather not think about it, so you start to tie your laces up. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Well, you already said that you can bring some of us, so why not do that now? Just to make sure?" Balin asks, though it's more of a 'you should really do it cause we're gonna freak out if you don't'.

You don't respond and instead finish tying your shoes first, thinking over his request.

When you're done doing up your shoes you turn and see that they're all looking at you with similar expressions of worry, and it makes you sigh, "Okay, fine. But whoever goes can't wear their normal clothes cause people will be weirded out. The halloween thing doesn't start for another day."

There's a moment of silence while some of them exchange looks before Thorin speaks, "You mentioned Kili and myself first. Surely that should be fine."

"Um..." You look between the two and tilt your head to the side thoughtfully, arms crossed over your chest. "Sure. But your hair is definitely going to stick out, Thorin."

He nods his head in understanding.

"And what about me?" Kili asks eagerly. It seems he's really excited about finally being able to leave your property.

"You're fine, I think. Am I taking both of you?" You inquire with furrowed eyebrows, walking a few steps forward.

"You might as well." Kili says with a big silly smile.

Well, you can't argue with that logic.

You shrug your shoulders and head up the stairs again, "Alright, go get changed into some of the clothes I gave you."

---

Once they're dressed in t-shirts and sweatpants (you didn't know their sizes so you got whatever would fit at the time) you observe them both with narrowed eyes while rubbing your chin.

"Hm... On a scale of 1 to 10, I give Kili a 9 and Thorin a 6." You say after a moment, turning to look at everyone else and get their opinions.

"What is the scale referring to?" Fili pipes up suddenly, looking up at you.

"How convincing they are."

"Why do I get a 6?" Thorin grumbles, looking at you pointedly.

"Your hair." You reply simply, walking over with a hair tie stretched between your fingers, "Hold still."

You gather his hair over his shoulders and pull it back, putting his hair through it and wrapping it around until it's nice and tight.

As soon as you're finished, you step around him and look to see if it's made a difference, and when you've determined that it's good, you smile, "Okay, now it's at least an 8." You turn towards Kili and ask, "Your hair is fine, right? Or do you want me to put it up?"

He doesn't say anything and neither does anyone else, and when the silence persists you raise an eyebrow, "Hello? Earth to Kili, I just asked you a question."

"Uh, no, you don't have to, thank you." He shakes his head and seems to come to some sort of realization since he starts to smile at his uncle in that big teasing grin you've, unfortunately, become accustomed to.

You nod your head and skip back over to the counter, swiping your keys off of it before heading to the front door.

"Come out whenever, I'm gonna get my car started."

Once you're out of the house some of the dwarves begin to laugh, and Kili pokes fun at his uncle, "Thorin, you have quite a red face, are you sure you can go?"

Thorin glares at his nephew and replies coldly, "She meant nothing by it."

"Right, but is that disappointment I hear?"

The glare he throws his nephew is so withering it could suck the life right out of a flower, but Kili is no flower, so he only laughs more.

"She offered to do yours too, you know." Fili adds when he begins to feel bad for his uncle.

Kili pauses his laughter and glares at his brother, "But she didn't do it."

"She would've."

"Oh hush, you're just upset that she didn't ask to do your hair." Kili shoots back, glaring at his brother.

"I am not, because unlike everyone else, I knew she meant naught by asking." He shoots back with a smirk.

Kili huffs indignantly and glares at his brother, saying no more as he heads out the door after you.

Thorin turns to everyone before following and states, "Try not to destroy anything while we are gone." His voice is firm and he waits until he gets nods from them all before leaving after you.

---

Once you're all in the car you put it into drive and go, turning up the radio so the car won't be completely filled with silence while you drive.

Occasionally, you'll glance at Thorin in the passenger seat or Kili in the back, and each time you do they're looking out the window at the passing scenery with awe.

"If you're impressed now, wait until we get into the big city." You comment suddenly, smiling to yourself while you watch the road ahead.

And when you do arrive in the city, they are impressed indeed.

The gasp that leaves Kili when you drive through the first big street draws a giggle from you, and when he presses his face against the window as you pull into the parking lot of the seasonal halloween store, your smile grows even bigger.

Even Thorin is impressed by all the wonderful things around, and when you turn off the car after parking you turn to look at them, "Thoughts so far?"

"It's wonderful." Kili breathes, looking at the bright, moving signs and huge stores all around.

"Yes, I don't believe I've ever seen anything so grand before." Thorin agrees, looking over at you with a smile of his own.

"Well if this impresses you, wait until we get inside the store. Try not to get scared."

---

The three of you eventually make it inside, and when you do they are in awe once more.

The seasonal store is dark with black painted walls and bright white florescent lights, and there are various halloween and horror things everywhere.

When you walk in there is one of those electronic jump-scare things, and while you were expecting it, the poor dears behind you weren't.

The witch thing pops out and cackles loudly, saying one of her many phrases, and as soon as she does both Kili and Thorin freak out. And when I say freak out, I mean 'pulled out some small weapons they decided to bring and screaming' freak out.

Luckily there is no one around at the moment, so you step between them and the witch and laugh nervously, "Put those away please. We're gonna get kicked out if anyone sees you with those."

They look between you and the electronic woman a few times before slowly putting their knives away and relaxing their stances.

"Thank you..."

"What is that?" Kili asks, glaring at the ugly jump-scare machine while you walk past it.

"It's a halloween decoration designed to scare people. And it seems like it worked too." You reply easily, looking back at them with a more mischievous smile.

Kili looks around slightly nervously and grumbles defensively, "I wasn't that scared... Uncles screams are what startled me."

"My screams? Kili, let's not lie now, clearly you were horrified." Thorin says disapprovingly, shaking his head.

"Aw, you guys are cute." You purr jokingly, waltzing up to the kids costumes isle.

They stop arguing after that.

You browse through the messy shelves quietly for a little while, trying to find the best ones, when you see a doggie in the cutest ghost costume.

A squeal leaves your lips when you see the cutie pie and you cup your cheeks as an adoring expression comes onto your face.

Without hesitation you hop over to the owner and ask excitedly, "Where did you get that?"

The man with the dog looked up quickly upon hearing your excited yelp and when he saw your exuberant form he smiled too, "I bought it a week ago here. They're near the back."

His answer fills you with joy, and you continue to stare at his pupper for a moment before he says, "You can pet her if you want, she doesn't bite."

He doesn't need to tell you twice.

You kneel down right away and scratch behind her ears, and her tail begins to wag wildly at the attention.

It seems that she likes you just as much, because she takes a seat and leans into you when you scratch her all over like you do with your dogs. It's at that moment when you begin to wonder if she'll fit in your purse.

Before you can finish your calculations and plans on stealing this mans dog you hear someone clear their throat and you realize then that you forgot all about Thorin and Kili.

You turn your head and see the two of them standing there with amused expressions on their faces.

Upon realization that they're watching you, and have been for a little while now, you jump to your feet and feel your face heat up. "I-If you make fun of me I'll leave both of you here." You threaten very unconvincingly, crossing your arms over your chest.

Kili starts to laugh but he doesn't say anything about it, looking at his uncle who also releases a few chuckles of his own.

You glance back at the man and see that he's looking at them, and you realize he probably thinks Kili's short stature is a little odd.

"U-Uh, thanks for letting me pet your dog!" You say quickly, heading back over to the two of them with a blush on your cheeks.

You turn back to the shelves of costumes and the man and his dog walk away, and once their gone you glare at the two of them half heartedly. "You guys are total meanies." There is faux bitterness in your voice when you speak as well, and it only brings more laughter from them.

"I only find it cute." Kili states, smiling good naturedly before continuing, "Every time you see an animal you get very excited."

"Cause I love animals."

"Yes, we can tell." Thorin muses, stepping up next to you to look at the spiderman mask in your hand.

You tap your foot against the ground a few times before putting the mask back.

A ghost costume for Bilbo; check.

That is all.

You literally don't have anything for anyone else, and honestly you're beginning to think that it's impo-

And then another idea hits you.

Class of middle/high-schoolers in a fantasy club. It's farfetched and barely believable, but most people won't say anything about it out of fear of being offensive, so it's perfect!

You don't have to buy them costumes at all (minus Bilbo), all you need is stuff to make them look less like dwarves and more like children pretending to be dwarves.

It sounds easier than it actually is, but you think you can pull it off. All you need is some netting, makeup, wigs, and nose and scar wav and you'll be set.

Once you get this idea you run away from the kids section with the ghost section and head toward the halloween makeup isle, seeking out the items mentioned previously without hesitation.

You find what you're looking for in minutes, and once you've got everything you zoom to the checkout since you're going to need to look up some tips on how to pull this off.

You're so excited you nearly forget to make sure Kili and Thorin are still with you, but once you see them you smile in relief and pay for everything.

Once you're all back in your car, Thorin asks, "I thought we were going to get masks?"

"Well, we were. But then I had an amazing idea consisting of pretending you're all students or something who invested in really expensive dwarf costumes. It's perfect, 'cause no one will ask and we'll get lots of compliments."

Thorin nods his head slowly and puts his belt on like you showed him, but before you go you turn and look at Kili expectantly.

The young dwarf doesn't say anything at first, but when your staring consists he asks slowly, "What...?"

"Put on your seatbelt."

There's more silence until he puts it on, raising an expectant eyebrow at you, "Is that better?"

"Much."

#the company x reader #the company of thorin oakenshield #reader insert #the hobbit #the hobbit fanfiction #kili x reader #thorin x reader #thorin oakenshield #bilbo baggins #kili #fili

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