#but it just sets off my anxiety now

[mallaacht]

I am going to confess something:

I actually don't have good memories of among us due to some idiot deciding my dyscalculia is not an issue and when I finally played my first game ever with his group of friends from a mutual discord server, I had printed out copies of the maps so I could find my way easier I cannot stress how I am unable to figure out distance and directions it's very bad. Anyways...we had set up a date for me to play my first game ever with the server and....he flipped the map. Thereby letting me flounder and then eventually just. Not do anything at all in game. Like at some point my brain could not function, I shit down and my lil bean was not moving away from the cafeteria anymore. I know I could have just mentally flipped it, but see you don't understand. My brain does not work that way. My brain isn't ALLOWED to envision a map and then try to replace everything all mirror-like.

But anyways, it ruined my enjoyment of a game and set the tone for my relationship with that server from then on. Needless to say, I haven't been in contact with those people in forever now. :)

#ooc #don't worry this isn't aimed at anyone #just seeing all the ammogus made me remember stuff #I wish I could play the game #but it just sets off my anxiety now #i already feel bad that my computer can't even play the game at the same speed of other people #but when stuff like this happens I'm just #:((( #feels bad bro

[tomahachi12]

#the amazing digital circus #pomni #toma art #I’m gonna be honest #I feel like I’ve completely lost confidence in my art #like #all of it #now whenever I sit down to draw #or even just set up my tablet #a wave of anxiety just crashes into me #and I erase everything and shut off the tablet #makes it reeeeeeeeeally hard to keep drawing #hell even thinking about drawing gets me anxious #idk #maybe I just gotta fight my way through it #and just draw anyway #but that was my vent #thnx for readin

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

#tbd #☉ #lemme start by prefacing this with I KNOW there's no real normal way to be human #ok i get that #but fucking HELL I wish i was normal #i wish my health was normal for my age #i wish i wasn't fucking. neurodivergent #im fine with being queer but ffs why am i in between normal queer and accepted Aroace-ness #why am i abnormal in that regard too #i wish I didn't alienate people i wish i didn't have to explain why im extra quiet and moody and minutes from a meltdown #i wish my hands and feet wouldn't swell up and hurt and burn and I wish i could take a fucking shower without feeling dread #because i had the water temp set to hot and now im dizzy and my heart is racing and im overheating -- alternatively I wish #i didn't feel so self conscious because i DONT shower every day or even every other day like i dont like when my hair goes limp either! #and i use deodorant everyday and wipe off when i can but i have fuckin Let's Sweat Buckets For No Reason Disorder so i always look and feel #like a drowned rat. im tired of being tired but not being able to sleep. im tired of not being able to explain that yes its really not you #its me. me wanting to be alone has nothing to do with you ok its my brain deciding to fuckin shut down because everything is too much rn #& idk how to tell you that im at my wits end but if you treat me with kidd gloves i WILL go off like a fuckin bomb. just treat me NORMAL ffs #just treat me normal 😭 i just want to be normal. i want to be able to sit down and just do my application stuff instead of #staring at a blank document for weeks and then wanting to throw things as the deadline approaches ( #its due friday and i have absolutely nothing written lmao) and idk if its executive dysfunction or anxiety or my tendancey to self sabotage #but either way im so fuckin fucked. im NOT in the headspace rn for writing a graduate school application letter. #trying hard not to cry rn bcs my friend and her parents are sleeping already bcs they have a 9-5 sleeping schedule to fit their 9-5 jobs #like i dont even have a normal sleeping schedule lmao mine's 2-10. i just don't understand why im so broken or whatever. not normal. #& i feel bad for bitching about it all bcs objectively i have a pretty decent life. i have a home i have food i have a family that loves me #im just back to feeling like im too much and also not enough and im so fuckin lonely. im tired of feeling lonely. and i think #ive got a platonic crush or two. or something. and idk how to handle that anymore. if i ever did. #idk idk i feel like im back to looking at the world and passersby through frosted glass again.

[quietwingsinthesky]

i greatly appreciate that i can do subq injections myself, but gosh do i hate that little fakeout pinch before the needle goes in. gets to my anxiety every single time.

#it is literally painless the minute the needle is through the skin. it’s just breaking the skin that sets off my anxiety alarms because that #part *does* hurt #(and by hurt i mean. it’s like a teeny tiny little twinge. but anxiety doesn’t care about logic. it wants to convince me im fucking up my T #that ive been. doing for two years now. without incident. very believable.) #anyway. T shots my beloved forever and ever

[kakusu-shipping]

Luigi master of the beans, worked in a Starbucks in Highschool, now a regular in the Beanbean Kingdom, makes the best cup of coffee in the morning every day for Mario, who could absolutely just drink whatever whenever and is not picky about his morning Joe at all but he loves the flare Luigi puts into it

#Mariocest #I'm just gonna start posting headcanons now I NEED to be THE Mariocest blog it's important #I need you all to see me as the guy for Mariocest #Also I just need to get thoughts out of my head so I'm just gonna say them as they come #today years old when I learned Starbucks is not actually spelled with an X oh boy #Luigi does not drink coffee it's too hard on him tumby and just makes his anxiety feel worse #Mario however is NOT a morning person and needs the stuff #His favorite is the Hoolumbian though really he could drink whatever #Picky about food not so much about drink that's my Mario take #It's made with love and that makes all the difference #Mario says he's not picky about his coffee but making instant by himself when Luigi's visiting the BeanBean Kingdom or whatever #Is one of those things that really really really makes Mario feel the Missing Luigi Lonleyness set in #There's so much depressing about waking up before he wants to and drinking hot coffee alone in their kitchen #He hates being in the house when Luigi isn't there #now I'm just running through all my thoughts but I've said these ones before so it's fine #Take this post I'm off to bed

[cerbreus]

#asking off for vacation is so nervewracking #i already asked off and got the ok from my boss but that was before i had set dates #gave the 1 month out update today n it SHOULD be ok because it's already ok'd #and they'll have enough time for me to get tasks done early and i'll have access to my computer for the last week for emergency stuff #but i can't help but be worried they might after working there for 3 yrs be like 'ah wait nvm about the time off whenever policy' #because i have Anxiety and life has been very very unpredictable lately #really doesn't help that i'm basically the solo fucking developer there now bc they haven't had time to hire a new dev #but i'm JUST AN ARTIST.... #basically when i leave for vacation nobody will be able to push builds which is. scary. #anyway!!!!!!! #once that monday meeting is done and i know the plan it's gonna be a relief #i'll just be able to finish all my little planning things and look forward to my nice 3 long vacation with my boyfriend i love very much #personal stuff

[sunsrefuge]

ITS WORSE. IT GETS WORSE. WHY DOES THE ACTIVITY WINDOW OPEN IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING

PUT MY BOY BACK ON THE FAR RIGHT SIDE WHERE HE BELONGS AND DOESNT CROWD ME !!!

#for real though i never got into twitter BECAUSE the layout felt so fucking claustrophobic. reddit kinda does too to me #tumblr's been the one place that was Spaced Out and looked really nice and i felt calm looking at it #now i just want to like. peel my fucking shoulders off or something idk its #its setting off my anxiety or possible-OCD or SOMETHING because im having a visceral reaction about this LMAO #/rambling #not gw2

[danielnelsen]

always fun to remind myself of the side effects of my thyroid meds

#the first time i treated my thyroid my endo was like ‘i havent had a patient who had this happen for a while so im due for one’ THANKS MAN #personal #im just waiting for it to hurry up and work. my health has PLUMMETED in the last week or so #im so sick and i can’t DO ANYTHING. including SLEEP. even if i was getting enough good sleep i was be exhausted but i’m not so. #the energy’s doing Great #and i’m so hungry all the time but also nauseous so all food is unappealing #genuinely have no idea how i made it through years 7-10 undiagnosed. no wonder i ended up with such a severe phobia of going to bed???????? #i don’t have to worry about routine right now so it’s not as stressful (just horrible because i’m so tired) but i COULDNT SLEEP back then #im just relieved that this time it was found through a routine check rather than me getting a test because of symptoms #usually i test when my anxiety gets really bad in a specific way #but my anxiety isn’t bad this time. no panic attacks and also no migraines. those are all usually the worst to deal with #so comparatively this isn’t even a particularly bad episode?/relapse?/flare? #still more sick than i’ve been in……..years? #im not sure if covid was better or worse. but it was only really bad for a week #this’ll be worse overall because it’ll last a lot longer #hopefully only a month or two but that’s still a few months of my life that just vanish. cool!!!!!!!!!!! #and there wasn’t even a notable event to trigger it this time. first time was whooping cough and subsequent times have been things like— #starting uni and then the last 2 years of uni where i took 10 units in one year then overworked myself doing my thesis #im SLIGHTLY worried that maybe i’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis and that set it off because it’s also autoimmune #i should see my gp soon to get a general antibody test. my joint have been so bad it’s been hard to walk for quite a few months #idk man it all sucks. but for now at least i have my white blood cells (even if they’re literally the problem lmao)

[clochanamarc]

i am awake but at what cost--

#( out of souls. ) #( my anxiety is off the charts exclusively bc i set boundaries on the meme blog yesterday ) #( and now i feel Stressed ) #( and i'm really really tempted to just shut down that meme blog and start a smaller newer one altogether ) #( bc i never expected them to get so big ) #( and there's an uncomfortable number of followers who uhh. overstep the boundaries ) #( tbf if this happened in any other portion of my life i'd be grand but ) #( it's happening now and i'm not able for it )

[dromaeo-sauridae]

yall i feel bad. BAD bad. i dont know why

#idk why im telling tumblr this #these people have been setting me off more than usual #everything feels More. too much. everything they say makes me want to scream #ive been thinking about my family. i miss them all so much #i cant get a job and i want my dad #i feel like a failure. i feel like im trapped in a cage. #i get in my car and drive into a town i hate to get a drink and make myself feel better for a moment #then i come back here. to hell #to my own personal purgatory #it feels like ive been living every moment in waking dread #my anxiety hasnt gone away its just shifted. im not scared for myself anymore #my paranoia used to be so self centered #now i check my phone sick to my stomach hoping my friends are okay. hoping theyre safe. #my mind never stops moving and never stops imagining horrific things #im so tired. im so tired. #vent tw

[lesenbyan]

For a While I was managing to change my pillow case every week and sheets every other week and recently I've been Incapable of that and idk Why. But I finally changed my sheets. That were full of crumbs and cat fur and cigarette & weed ash.

#personal; #did so bc i NEED to shower and my brain doesn't let me sleep on clean sheets if i'm not clean #but i know if i showered first i'd not change my sheets #so now i gotta collect my ass back together to take a hot ass shower bc i've not bathed in a week or so #and i'm stinky and have so.much dead skin to scrub off that's making me itchy #and then i can do my T #and be Exhausted #just remembered i have the phone interview with social security about my disability tomorrow and hoooo boy phone anxiety setting in

[only1benkenobi]

Anyone else really miss Crack Van? And deep-diving into fic finder communities?

#i think i'm feeling super nostalgic lately #i found interacting with those kind of public message boards so much easier than now #especially with things like discord #i have no idea if i'd really like discord or not but the thought of having to ask for an invite to a community just sets off my anxiety

[lessthanimpressedlesbian]

It's times like these that I remember my mom also has chronic anxiety

#i dont know what set it off this time #but shes coming over to cut down some weeds on this property #shes worried about being cited even though the weeds havent been cut in over a year and we haven't been told anything #my wife says the people only cite if someone calls in a complaint or they see a bad yard while patrolling #i doubt they will cite us #but now i have to prepare things because we havent raked up the dog poop in a while and i just know shes gonna be on my ass about it #i just hate how she will decide randomly to show up and do maintenance on the yard #my wife and i have very little energy so we do whats needed to make things passable #and i guess thats not enough for her so she feels like she has to take care of it #i wish she could give me more than 2 hours notice #i wonder what exactly set off her anxiety this time #i hope she'll see that its really not that bad and will leave soon after #im particularly not excited because shes probably gonna drag my twin over too #and i dont want to deal with him at all #this week has been horrible #i hate it

[ragdoll127-ffxiv]

The testing continues.

(🍑📸⤵️)

Okay, but seriously, this automated system is kinda ridiculous.

Anyway, I told you he was cute.

#ffxiv #gposers #ktisis pose #reshade #my wol #wol brainrot #male viera #pinup art #the last one didn't get the censor #even though his whole ass is just on display #we're gonna try this simpler set of this outfit #but then i have some spicier pics of him in this outfit that i want to post and see if that sets off the censor #look not knowing what the rules are messes with my anxiety really badly #and now i'm also mad #because none of this makes sense

[thewinterraven]

I've been following this blog for several years now and have been on and off with kirby and the fact you still working on this comic after all this time is crazy and seeing the improvement is really cool keep up the good work :)

Ah Thank You!

I have no idea how I'm still going either OTL

I've taken a few long hiatus periods because of injury and a really stressful and long financial situation last year, but I had just enough back up Legacy pages that it managed to scrape me through! So I don't think too many people noticed how close to the wire it came until March this year.

I guess when I hyperfixate I go like all out.

#i get so anxious sometimes. I worry that one day Ill get told #like youre getting too old to do this anymore #I wasn't when I started obviously but I've been going a long time now and (my newly official diagnosis horray) anxiety really gets set off #when I think about it #I want to finish Legacy and there's a long way to go yet #I just #like this AU #Helps me get through the day y'know

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’ #or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis? #but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically) #so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’ #and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained