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sevcasejay1chicago · 5 months

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Im with you- Matt Casey

Summary: When an ovarian cyst ruptures on the job, Matt and Firehouse 51 take care of you.

Warnings: vomiting, cursing, probably inaccurate medical stuff even though I do have PCOS and get ovarian cysts.

Authors note: You asked and I’m delivering. Here’s a fic I wrote a while back. I hope you enjoy!

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You and Matt have been together for a couple years. You have been best friends since you both joined 51, straight from academy. You and Matt shared everything. Your feelings, thoughts, personal issues, a bed. Everything was out in the open. Though Matt was your lieutenant, you never let it effect your job or your relationship. You said it was one of the perks of starting off in the house together. He saw you and your strength. He knew you could take his spot any day, but you were content with just being part of the company.

You started feeling some major discomfort on a call. You were doing a sweep with Severide when you kicked open a door, causing the fire to blow back, sending you and Kelly flying through the air.

“Y/N!” You were sure you heard Kelly scream your name, but your ears rung as you laid against the wall. Kelly quickly shut the door and made his way toward you. “Look at me! Say something!” He yelled, grabbing you by your jacket and making you face him.

You were a little further toward the middle of the door than Kelly, which kept him from flying far. You just went through the air hitting the wall HARD. You were disoriented and had some major ringing in your ears.

When you couldn’t focus on him, Kelly called a mayday of sorts through the radio. “Emergency! Emergency! Fire fighter down. I need a medic to meet me out front.” Kelly yelled, not wasting another second before he pulled me up and into his arms. “I’ve gotcha. Your okay.”

“Who?” Chief Boden asked.

“Y/L/N.” Kelly said just before he broke into a sprint when he saw the exit.

Outside, Dawson and Brett were waiting with a stretcher. As soon as Kelly put you down, Dawson was ripping the mask off your face. The light assaulted your eyes, but the fresh air was like a kick in the butt, which was exactly what you needed.

“I’m fine.” You murmured, attempting to push yourself up.

“Y/N.” Dawson said, pushing you back down with a shake of her head. “You were unresponsive for almost two minutes. I need to check you out.”

I shook my head, regretting it as soon as I did it. I laid back, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I said I’m fine Dawson.” I growled out. Finding the strength to sit up, I swung my legs over the edge of the gurney and tried to stand. My legs failed me as I collapsed into Kelly with a pained gasp.

“Fine my ass Y/L/N.” Kelly said, picking you up and putting you back on the stretcher.

“What hurts hunny?” Brett hummed, allowing Kelly to rip your jacket off as Dawson ran to help a civilian.

“My right side. Like all of a sudden.” You gritted out, swatting Kelly’s hand away as he palpitated the area. “Ow Sev.”

“Sorry.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “It’s not too hard like internal bleeding.” He informed Brett. “I’m going to go update Casey. He looks ready to abandon the company to come check on you. You ladies talk.” Kelly said, leaning over to place a kiss on your forehead. “I’ll be back.”

Once Kelly walked off, you snuck a glance in Casey’s direction. He was talking to the crew, giving orders, but his eyes stayed trained on you.

“When did this start? I don’t see any bruising or signs of a contusion.” Brett murmured, moving back to let the sunlight hit that area.

“I mean, it’s been a dull pain for a while now, but this is the first time it’s been bad enough to effect me.” I said, leaning my head back and breathing deeply. “I have an appointment set with my gyno tomorrow. I’m fine, really. Just extra sore.” I tried to reason, but I was fighting to keep back a sudden wave of nausea. “It’s uh.” I swallowed thickly before continuing. “It’s a normal woman thing I think. Matt knows. Just give me an anti-inflammatory and zofran and I’m good.”

“Zofran?” Brett asked, stopping as she was pushing me to the ambo, which I suddenly realized meant that Kelly was back and helping.

“Yeah. Kinda nauseous.” I said, shaking my head. Kelly hummed and placed a hand on my thigh.

Brett did a thorough head trauma exam before giving me the all clear once she was sure that I didn’t have a concussion. Kelly spent the entire time texting while I was being treated. He was listening and keeping Matt up to date as I waiting to be discharged from the rig.

“Casey said to ride back with Ambo and go straight to his office when we return.” Kelly said, leaning up to place another kiss on my forehead, jumping out of the rig before I could protest. He hit the doors and Dawson, whom I never noticed jumped back into the rig, drove back to the house.

“Well, looks like I’m off the rest of this shift.” I sighed, leaning back and trying to relax as Brett dimmed the lights to the rig.

“Might not be such a bad thing. He’s just looking out for you.” Brett said, sitting on the bench and buckling me around the waist to the stretcher before buckling herself in and propping her feet up to use as a makeshift desk. “Get some rest. We got 20 minutes till we get back.”

I gave her a confused look. “We shouldn’t be that far out.” I mumbled.

“Dawson has to pick up lunch.” Brett replied. “Just relax and enjoy the ride.”

——————————TimeSkip————————-

I woke up to someone softly pushing the hair away from my face.

“Hey Hunny. Come rest in my office.” Matt whispered, trying his best to coax me awake.

“I don’t feel good.” I whispered, leaning my head forward and into his hand.

“I know.” Matt soothed. “I’ll carry you.”

Matt unlocked my seatbelt and gently lifted me into his arms. Doors were opened for us as we made our way through the house. The common area went quiet as we passed through, shuffling could be heard as doors were opened until Matt got to his office.

“Hey Matt.” Kelly whispered, stepping in and closing the door. “Brett gave me these. How’s she doing?”

Kelly shook a sick bag out and put it on the side table and then stashed the rest on the desk. Matt laid me down slowly, pulling the covers over me gently and turning me onto my side into the recovery position. I kept my eyes closed, wondering why Brett never gave me the Zofran, making me focus on not throwing up.

“Doesn’t feel well.” Matt said, sitting next to me and pushing my hair back again. “Baby. Kelly has a sick bag here if you need it. I gotta talk to Boden and fill him in. I’ll be right back.” He said, leaning in to kiss my forehead. “Can you stay with her a minute?” Matt asked Kelly.

“Anything for you guys. You know that.” Kelly said, standing and switching spots with Matt. The door closed softly as Kelly sat next to me. He placed a hand on my back and rubbed soothingly. “Let’s be real. Need to go to med?” Kelly asked, knowing I wouldn’t fess up to Matt unless it was dire.

“No.” I gritted out, frustrated by the whole situation. The pain was subsiding, but the nausea was ramping. “It’s a girl thing.” I simplified.

“Your sure?” Kelly asked, leaning forward and grabbing the sick bag as he saw me pale.

“Mhmm.” I said, not daring to move.

We sat there in silence. I was trying to steady my breathing as Kelly continued to rub my back. He was at a loss. He knew I hated being sick, as he has dealt with a sick me before, but he knew it was gonna happen.

“Sit up. I know it’s gonna happen.” Kelly said, moving to stand and help gently guide me into a sitting position. “Hold this. I’m gonna call Matt.” He instructed, placing the bag in my hand. Kelly went to the door and opened it, yelling for Matt. He knew not to leave me.

The nausea was winning and I began to freak out as Kelly called out again. “Kel- hurlk” I tried to warn him, but got cut off with an unproductive heave.

The door slammed shut as Kelly raced toward me. “Fuck.” He muttered, helping me hold the bag under my chin. With his other hand, he used his radio to call for Matt. “Case. You’re needed in your office. Now.” He said into the radio. A quick “copy” from Matt was all that was heard before I started retching harshly. “Shhhhhhh. Breathe.” Kelly murmured. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

“What’s going on?” Matt exclaimed, running and sliding to a stop in front of me. “Baby? It’s okay. I’m here.” He soothed , taking my hand and pushing my hair back. “Dawson’s gonna check your vitals, okay?”

I nodded as I finally started throwing up all the breakfast that I forced down. Kelly kept holding the bag and rubbing my back, Matt held my hand and kept my hair out of the splash zone, and Dawson went about checking my vitals.

“Pulse is fast. Oxygen is mid 90s. Pressure is slightly low, but not worrisome.” She said. “Any other symptoms?” Gabbi asked Matt.

“Ovarian cysts. Think one ruptured on that call.” Matt muttered. “Never seen her this bad before.”

“Does it hurt, Y/N?” Gabbi asked. “Just squeeze once for no and twice for yes.” Gabbi took my hand and felt me squeeze once. “Good. No pain.”

“What does that mean?” Kelly asked, noting how much I was vomiting and the sweat building up on the back of my neck.

“So, sometimes a cyst can rupture and be infected. This is her body getting rid of it, which is probably why Brett didn’t give her anything for the nausea.” Gabbi explained, writing some stuff down. “If she starts running a fever, tell us and we will take her straight to Med. I’d suggest camping out here for a few hours to make sure she doesn’t spike one. Then you can go home and get her rested.” Gabbi said, patting Matt on the shoulder and walking out.

“Breathe sweetheart. Your gonna need to switch bags in a second if you need to.” Matt said, trying to see my face better. He reached over and grabbed a new one, making a quick switch with Kelly and holding the new bag under my chin as Kelly disposed of the old one.

Talking could be heard as he opened the door. Gabbi and Boden’s voices floating in.

Suddenly, a cool cloth was placed on the back of my neck. “Herrmann got you a rag Y/N.” Kelly said, resuming his post of rubbing my back. “Chief has Herrmann taking lead on truck for the remainder of shift and offered to let me hang around to help unless Squad is needed.”

“Thanks Kel.” Matt said, patting his friend on the knee. “You done baby?” Matt asked, noticing the few coughs I was letting out, but also the lack of vomit.

“Yeah.” I breathed, leaning forward and resting my head on Matt’s shoulder. “It’s awful.” I moaned, resting my forehead into the crook of his neck.

“I know.” Matt whispered, reaching up and wiping my face with the rag from my neck. “Wanna brush your teeth and shower before taking a nap?”

I nodded and tried to stand when Matt helped me up, but swayed dangerously as I suddenly became lightheaded.

“Woah.” Kelly said, bracing me from behind. “You okay?” He asked, keeping me steady with hands around my waist.

“Yeah.” I breathed. “Just lightheaded s’all.” I closed my eyes and leaned my head onto Matt’s shoulder again.

“I gotcha.” Matt said, picking me up and taking me toward the bathroom. “Can you grab her go bag Sev?” Matt called over his shoulder.

“On it.” Kelly replied, jogging toward the locker room.

Matt wasted no time in getting me to the bathroom. He sat me down on the counter and pulled my head back into his neck.

Herrmann came into the bathroom with a sprite in his hand. “Cindy used to have this problem. This outta help.” He said, placing the can on the other side of the sink. “I’ve got Mills running to get some popsicles too.”

“Thanks Chris.” Matt said. “You’re a good man.”

“Anything for her.” He said, rubbing my arm. “It’s gonna be okay. You just get to feeling better.” He then patted Matt on the shoulder. “Take care of my girl.”

“Always.” Matt said, turning and placing a kiss to my head as Herrmann walked out and Kelly walked in.

“Got your CFD hoodie.” Kelly said to Matt, “I got everything else out of her locker though. Toiletries and her clothes. Also grabbed your stuff too Case.” He said, putting everything on the counter. “Need anything else?”

“Nah.” Matt said, shaking his head as he looked around. “Just set some towels in here. I’m gonna shower with her. I don’t trust her balance.” He said, rubbing my back.

“Good man.” Kelly said, patting Matt on the back. “Holler if you need anything else.”

“Thanks Sev.” Matt said, watching the Squad lieutenant leave. Finally, he turned to face me. “Ready to get cleaned up?” He asked gently, pulling away to see my face.

“Then nap?” I murmured, pouting at my boyfriend.

“Nap and cuddles.” Matt confirmed, nodding his head.

With that confirmation, I was satisfied and found the strength to get cleaned up. After brushing my teeth and gargling twice, Matt helped me off the counter and to the showers. He sat me on the bench before striping and going in to turn on the water. With quick persuasion, Matt was able to talk me into the shower. He made promises to keep me steady and to sit me down if I needed it, seeing as Mills just finished scrubbing the showers.

Once under the water, which was a little cooler than I usually liked it, Matt kept a secure hold on my waist, leaned down and kissed my head, then adjusted me so that my back was getting the brunt of the shower.

“Mmmm.” I moaned, practically melting in Matt’s hold. “S’ nice.” I mumbled into Matt’s chest, pressing my forehead into it.

“I know baby.” Matt said. “We can stand here for a moment, but we need to get cleaned up and get you resting.” He said, reaching around me and engulfing me in a hug. “You just relax.” He whispered.

“Mkay.” I sighed, losing any fight I could have left.

When Matt noticed me getting heavier, he made quick work of washing my hair and body before calling Kelly.

Matt only trusted you with very few men, one of which was Kelly Severide. You all had made a quick bond when in the academy and Kelly picked you up off the floor more times than you could count, but that was before Matt. Matt didn’t like overstepping, but Kelly had no problems helping you out in a bind and was there for you in more ways at the beginning than Matt, but you knew it had to do with Haily and not because Matt didn’t like you, so you never let it affect your relationship now. Kelly knew his boundaries, even now, and was the one person you trust other than Matt.

Kelly walked into the bathroom and scooped you up in a towel. Once Kelly had the towel firmly secure, he took your microfiber head wrap towel and wrapped your hair up in it. Then, he helped guide you into Matt’s CFD hoodie and stayed with you leaning into his shoulder until Matt came out of the showers.

“Thanks Kelly.” Matt said. “One more favor.” Matt said, cringing slightly into himself. He hated asking for help, but you were pretty out of it at this point. “Mind getting more bags from Brett and Y/N’s fan from her bunk and taking it to my office?” He asked, pulling on his underwear and pants before trading with Kelly.

“Hey man.” Kelly said, taking Matt by the shoulder. “Don’t sweat it. You guys are family. I’ve already got it all taken care of.” He smirked.

“You’re a life saver.” Matt said, turning and hugging Kelly once he was sure you wouldn’t fall over.

“I get that a lot.” Kelly laughed, the sound echoing behind the man as he walked to the door and exited the bathroom.

Matt helped me into some pants and left our stuff, claiming he’d get it all later, but knowing that someone else was probably waiting to come in behind you both and get everything situated. Once in his office, Matt laid me down near the edge of the bed, closed the blinds, and turned off the lights. He left the blinds connected to Kelly’s office window cracked enough to give him some light to see you, but also give Kelly a way to see if you and Matt needed help.

Once the fan was turned on and he was sure the radio was turned off and I didn’t need anything else, Matt crawled into the bed behind me, spooning me with an arm around my waist. He carefully rubbed my stomach and placed little kisses on the back of my neck.

“Get some rest baby.” Matt whispered, peppering my shoulder with kisses before leaning up and kissing my cheek. “I’m with you. We will get through this.”

Tag list:

@treehouse-mouse

@shadowmeadowsworld

@sorry-i-spaced

@zephyrmonkey

@allisonargent144

@amie134

@lane-rodgers-barnes

@pensfan5871

@dumb-fawkin-bitch

@marvel-and-chicago-fan

@daggersquadphantom

@mattangel11

@stellakiddsblog

@100yroldteenagers

@senjoritanana

#one chicago #one chicago x reader #matt casey #kelly severide #matt casey x reader #comfort #kelly severide x reader #fluff #pcos #tw emeto #tw emetophobia #emetophobia

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daddynegandesires · 3 years

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Secrets chapter 1

Summary: Daddy Negan and (y/n) had a falling off with eachother but what happens when a new man pops up in his life trying to be a better father than he was at taking care of his little girl and his use to be girlfriend.

Warning: jealousy, anger, fighting, some smut, violence, cheating

18+

(Updated)

*flashback*

Objects were flying all over the house (y/n) was screaming at the top of her lungs chucking any items she sees in her way at negan.

"Hey!...hey! Calm the fuck down!!" Negan yelled dogging the picture frame that came flying at his head shattering on the wall behind him.

"You fucking peice of shit! I knew you were screwing around behind my back!" Tears streaming down your face you marched to the kitchen grabbing a big knife out of the knife block streching your arm out towards negan with the sharp tip almost grazing against his throat.

Negan quickly grabbed your hand steady that was holding the knife trying to persuade you to put it down your whole body was on fire shaking with rage.

"Baby....put the knife down...you dont want to do this" negan slowly began pushing your hand away sliding the knife out of your grip placing it on the counter behind him.

"M....mommy..." A small frightened little voice called out from the hallway

You instantly collapsed on the floor with your back sliding down the kitchen counter in tears resting your head in your hands

*end of flashback*

"Ellie!...come get your breakfast baby!" You called out while spreading the last bit of peanut butter on her toast and placing it on the counter next to her OJ.

" goodmornin mommy!" Ellie sweetly called out before hopping up in her chair slopply chugging down her OJ spilling it down her face

" haha Slow down hunny i dont want you to choke" giving her a little kiss on her forehead sitting down next to her

"Can i see daddy today?" Ellie ask curiously while chomping down on her peanut butter toast giving me goofy faces after each bite.

The doorbell rings and ellie jumps straight out of her chair running up to the door flinging it out impatiently.

"Hey babygirl!" Negan bends down to her level swooping her up in his arms giving her small little kisses all over her cheeks closing the door behind him.

"I miss you daddy" ellie said giggling

You were still sitting at the table swirling the spoon in your bowl of cereal zoning out. Hearing his voice still hurts hell even just looking at him hurts you. You loved him you wanted to marry him a part of you still hasn't forgave him for what he did to you. He ruined this relationship...you were snapped out of your thoughts when negan and ellie came and sat down at the table with you.

"Hi..." He says sitting ellie down in her chair

"Hey...." You say quietly giving him a half smile

"How have you been?" He sits down next to you grabbing an apple from the fruit basket

You wanted to tell him the truth you wanted him to know how bad you actually hurt how you lay awake at night crying and blaming yourself for everything.

"Im okay....haha..." You nervously shift in your chair about to speak but the front door opens your heart begins to race at the fact that its a guy you have been seeing that negan doesnt know about.

"Hi jack!!" Ellie playfully yells out

"Hey kiddo!" Jack walks into the kitchen scruffing up the hair ontop of ellies head before turing to you and negan in a silence

"Hey baby..." Jack lands a kiss on your cheek while not breaking eye contact with negan.

There was a long awkward tension between the two of them untill negan gor up from his chair walking over to ellie.

"Jack??...hi, im negan ellies dad" he says with a god awful smirk on his face he extends out his arm for a handshake

"Hi negan nice to meet you...im (y/n) new boyfriend" he closes the hand shake with his hand before pulling away

" well would you look at that....boyfriend huh?" negan glares in your direction you dont dare stare up at him your face was getting flushed

"Well on that note me and ellie should be heading out, right KiDdO?" Negan said in a mocking voice before swooping ellie up

"Wait i have her bag packed its in her room" you quickly said hopping up from your seat running to the room to grab it. You handed the bag off to negan he slung it over his shoulder with ellie in his other arm standing on the porch.

"Have fun i love you baby"giving ellie a quick kiss on her cheek

"Ill have her back before 8....i promise" negan leaned in and gave you a small kiss on your cheek without breaking eye contact with jack standing behind her.

-------

"I dont think negan likes me ha..." Jack lets out a small laugh

"He does....he is just...protective" you begin cleaning up the kitchen and doing dishes when jack comes up behind you grinding his soon to be hard cock on your ass

"Jack....i have to go get ready for our date" your face beings to flush and you spin around landing a kiss on his lips

"Mmm...you always taste so good...." His hands now on your hips

You grinned at jack before slipping out of his grasp. You snuck off to the bathroom andclosed the door behind you running the water in the bathtub you slipped off your clothes slowly lowering yourself into your hot bathwater. Laying there with your eyes closed your phone buzzed and startled you. Your dripping wet hand reached over and picked it up seeing that it was a text from negan.

From negan:

So you got yourself a young new boy toy..

You opened the message and scoffed at what he had sent you, you tossed your phone back down on your towel before it buzzed again.

From negan:

Dont ignore me....

"Asshole...." You whispered to yourself before slipping out of the tub drying yourself off with your towel. You walk over to your closet pulling out a skin tight black dress with black high heels. Slipping on your black bra and black lacey thong you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror youve always struggled with your body image because your thighs were bigger than most girls and negan always made you feel better about yourself when it came to situations like that. Snapping yourself out of your thoughts you apply the rest of your makeup and head out witb jack to dinner.

"You look sexy..." Jack complimented you kissing on your neck

"Thank you..." Looking up at him through your dark mascara filled lashes and biting at your ruby red lipstick

--------

Jack had dropped you off back at home when you instantly heard negans car pull up in the drive way. 8 o'clock on the dot. This man never plays around. You opened the door to se negans face in awe.

"Je-sus!..hello hot mommy..where have you been" negan walked through the door biting at his lip with ellie asleep in his arms.

"I went on a date....its none of your concern" you said with your hands on your hips your dress hugged your curves in all the right places. Negan went to go lay ellie down when you stepped outside to light a cigarette.

"Smoking again huh..." Negan stepped outside beside you

" i never stopped..." You took a long drag on your cigarette your ruby red lips parting letting the smoke roll out of your mouth

"Why did you ignore me..."

"Im none of your concern anymore...so dont act so fucking generous" you said annoyingly throwing your cigarette on the ground stepping on it with your heel

"Fiesty.....i miss that" negans tongue slipped across his bottom lip

You were about to open the door to walk back inside when negan grabbed you by the waist tightly causing you to moan pushing your body up agaisnt the brick wall on the porch. His hand making his way up to your throat gently applying pressure his lips lightly grazed yours feeling his stubble from his beard on your cheeks. He moved in closing the gap between your bodies you could feel his rock hard cock bulding in his jeans only causing your pussy to be wet even more.

"Negan i cant do this...i have jack" innocently moaning

"what he doesnt know wont hurt him..." He whispered in your ear giving you goosebumps

You snapped out of it realizing what he just said is the same thing he said to the woman that he cheated on you with. You shoved him off of you.

"Negan go!...now!" You pointed at him to leave before slamming the door in his face crying storming off to your bedroom.

(Let me know if you guys want another chapter!❤❤)

#negan x you #negan x reader #negan #jdm #jeffrey dean morgan

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starker-fluff · 4 years

Text

Peter Pan #1

Mafia au.

TW: Kidnapping, Murder, Mentions, aftermath and some small displays of abuse, Violence, blood

And thus we begin the tale of the Peter Pan dubbed Spiderman.

(Peter Pan are people in the mafia who’s job it is to distract the kids whilst other deal with business)

——//——//——

A heavy metal for creaked open, scratching the floor as it opened. Pan squinted shielding his eyes as the bright light filtered into the room. The floor was concrete and the only padding he had was a dusty old blanket in the corner. This was is box, barren and cold. He never wanted to be here.

“Stop sulking. You’ve got a job to do.” A rusty male voice broke through the blinding light, his silhouette filling the door way. The shadow can forward pulling Pan forward onto his knees by a chain wrapped around his wrists and secured with a padlock. He said nothing just slowly got to his feet and followed the man through the badly lit halls. Outside of similar metal door the padlock was unlocked and his chains removed but a bag was slipped over his head. A large hand clamped around his wrists as the familiar scrapping of metal against concrete sounded as he was dragged by the arm.

He had never seen what was on the other side of this door. All he knew was that there was a van and people. There was quiet chatter about the lay out of the house and whispers that were obviously directed to him.

“The target is upstairs, daughter is downstairs.”

“Wife?”

“No woman could stand that guy..”

“One did, enough to have a kid with ‘im.”

“Ey look, it’s the pan boy.”

“There’s nothin’ I wouldn’t do to get my hands on a piece of meat like that..”

“I bet he goes a pretty shade of purple.”

“Boys. Focus. There is a skylight entrance. Come in through there to collect the prize.”

Pan couldn’t hear anymore before he thrown into the back of the van. Groaning as he scuffled onto his hands and knees before finding his way to one corner where he tugged his knees up to his chest to make himself as unnoticeable as possible. He learnt early to never try and escape or to try and take off the bag over his head.

“Alright. Front. Point. Centre. Back. Skylight. Understand? Let’s go.” He heard as the van dipped slightly as heavy footsteps filled the van. The crew was filtering into the van and soon it fell into silence as the engine roared to life. Soon Pan would have to do his job. A job he hated so much that he wish he never existed.

“If you do your job well tonight maybe I could let you out of your room for a night. I’m sure the boys would value your attention.” A sickening voice commented as a hand ran over his head, making Pan curled further into himself. He preferred the box.

——//——//——

The van finally came to a stop and the bag was ripped off his head. He watched as the group around him readied their guns and pulled on their masks.

“Brumlow, take Pan to the room. Once the target as been engaged go for the prize.” The leader ordered and soon Pan has been grabbed by the hair and was being dragged out of the van.

As his feet hit the pavement, he instinctively glanced up and had a wave of déjà vu wash over him. He had been here before but he just couldn’t place it.

“Ow!” Pan screeched our as he was tugged roughly by the hair.

“What did we say about speaking?!” A hand wrapped around his throat, threatening to crush his windpipe. When Pan didn’t respond Brumalow just smirked and grabbed his hair once again to drag him through the house and to a door with cute little drawings of horses and fairies. Pan made sure to look at all possible exits, he would never try to run but it was just a habit now.

“Keep the kid distracted. I’ll be back.” Brumalow said before opening the door and shoving Pan inside. Yet another wave of déjà vu washed over the boy as he was met with the child’s room. The bed on the left wall, drawings covering the walls and a desk tucked into the right far corner with a closet along the front wall.

Pan saw the glint of a sliver frame that sent his heart spiking. His feet moved without his permission and before he knew it he had crossed the room and was holding this framed picture of a black haired man with a young man on his back. It.. it looks..

“It looks like me...” Pan breathed in absolute disbelief. How did this kid have a picture of him and this oddly familiar stranger?

“Are you really here?” A gentle sleepy voice sounded from the other side of the room. Pan turned around and saw this black hair girl sitting up in her bed with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah.. I am.. Why do you have a picture of me?” Pan said shakily, afraid of the answer. The girl beamed happily and bounced out of bed, within a flash her arms were around Pan’s waist and hugging him tight.

“That’s you and Daddy, silly. Do you not remember? Daddy said you might not remember. That’s why we made an album to help you remember. We should go tell Daddy that you are back!” The girl had let go and was heading for the door just as a gun shot went off. Then another and another. There was crashing and banging. Everything started to click into place, it wasn’t déjà vu. It was his subconscious remembering his home. He had to protect this girl.

“Quickly under the desk. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise. I’m here to protect you.” He cooed to the scared girl. She followed his directions as Pan situated himself between the door and his.. the girl.

The crashing and banging continued. Screams and yells sounded from upstairs but the door handle never turned. Pan brain went into overdrive trying his best to connect the dots. The sounds of footsteps on the roof above triggered something in his mind that gave Pan the whole picture.

Home. Target. Girl. Prize. Skylight. Brumalow. “I’ll be back”. Protect.

The sounds of a skylight window creaking open brought Pan out of his head. The boy grabbed the chair behind him, pulling it towards him and launching it up at the skylight just as Brumalow jumped through the open window.

“Fuck. What the hell Pan?!.” Brumalow grunted as he fell onto the floor, clutching at his side.

“Not my name.” He spoke without missing a beat. Brumalow’s eyes widen almost in fear. He slowly moved to grab the walker talkie.

“Pan’s gone Spider.” Brumalow said lowly and the the shooting ceased.

“PETER.”

That voice from upstairs flipped something in his mind. It was familiar and sent a spiral of emotions cascading into his mind. It was him. Pan was Peter. He was Peter. Pan isn’t him.

The shooting continued and Peter launched himself at Brumalow, tackling him to the ground and landing a punch to his face as Morgan screamed and sobbed in fear from underneath the desk.

“Fucking. Bastard!!” Brumalow overpowered him eventually. Tossing him off and pulling out a handgun that he quickly trained on the girl with a hand extended to Peter who was seething with anger. Brumalow pulled out a handgun and fired one shot at Peter, shitting him in the side.

“One more step and she di-“ Brumalow threatened but his voice stopped as Peter took a step forward. He pulled the trigger but nothing came out.

“Someone didn’t reload..” He lunged at the man once again. Pulling a knife from the sheath on Brumalow’s leg and pinning the man to the ground.

“Close your eyes and cover your ears, darling.” He spoke the to whimpering girl before he plunged the knife repeatedly into the disgusting man’s chest. Once Brumalow stopped moving, Peter shakily stood up and dropped the knife by his foot. He grabbed a sheet off the girl’s bed and covered the filth’s body before he collapsed with his back up against the desk.

“This is my home isn’t it?” He asked as he gently putting his hand near hers. She nodded and took his hand whilst crawling out from under the desk. Sitting herself in his lap and crying. He gently rubbed he back whilst cradelling her as the fight raged on overhead.

Suddenly it was quiet and there was a slow thump going down the stairs, whoever it was didn’t want to come down. They seemed hesitant. Now that everyhting seemed to slow down a unbearable pain radiated from his side. Glancing down he saw his shirt drenched in blood as it began to deep into the carpet beneath him.

“Help..” He called putting weakly, feeling light headed. Suddenly the foot steps quickened and the door flew open. It was the man from the picture.

“I’m Peter.” All he could do was start sobbing as he felt an overwhelming wave of love and safety crash into his head. The man in the door way joined his sobbing as he made his way over to the two, kneeling down beside them and pulling them into a hug.

“I’ve got you baby. We’ve got you. I’ll never let you go again.” The man whispered softly whilst stroking Peter’s hair, kissing his forehead. Peter felt his chest fill with warm and happiness as he was cradelled.

“D-Daddy. Papa was shot..” The young girl whimpered, trying to be helpful.

“What?!” The man leant back, glancing over Peter before his eyes settled on his side.

“Fuck fuck fuck. No. No. I just got you back. Hunny, go push the emergency button!” Before the man had even finished the little girl was on her feet and running out the door. The raven haired man pulled Peter into his lap, putting pressure on his side as the young man blinked lazily.

“Your name is Tony. I have a husban-.” Peter blinked out, head lolling to the side onto Tony’s chest as the pain became unbearable.

@starkly @itfeelssogoodmrstark

#starker #tony x peter #mafia au!#im sorry #starker angst #starker fic #sad starker #read the trigger warnings #im going back to fluff next chapter

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magic-marvel · 5 years

Text

Dont Go

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Steve needs him to stop Thanos, but you just can’t let him go.

Word Count: 596

A/N: GUESS WHOS BACK, BACK AGAIN

okay so i know i was supposed to come back in december i even made a hella cryptic post about it but so much came up and life was like “lol you thought” BUT NEVERMIND ALL THAT BECAUSE IM HERE NOW!! and instead of posting a chapter update i wanted to write something to kind of get me back in the game. I also couldn’t finish two other pieces that im really excited about, so expect those soon!

THIS CONTAINS NO SPOILERS TO ENDGAME, BUT IS A MERE REIMAGINE OF BUCKY’S INITIAL INVOLVEMENT IN THE BATTLE OF WAKANDA DURING INFINITY WAR

WARNING: sadness.

“Please, don’t leave me.”

You were struggling to hold on, grasp an arm that tried desperately to pull away.

“I have to.”

The tears welled up in your eyes began to fall. Salty trails fell down your cheeks with no remorse, stinging the very skin it touched. Your nails dug into metal, scraping away at fabric in a poor attempt to pull back the one person you didn’t want to lose.

He tried not to look at you for fear of changing his mind. But he knew that he was needed, the fate of the very world around him depended on it.

Your nails felt pain that you choose to ignore, instead clinging even deeper into the crevices of vibranium plates. You dropped to your knees, attempting to use the weight of your body to hold him back.

He only stopped in his steps, giving your fingers relief for a brief moment.

“I’m doing this for you.”

A choked sob ripped through your chest and out your throat, tearing away the very aura of the room. It sounded savage, pure primal. A sound that he never wanted to hear, and yet you cried and cried until your throat was raw and the tears ran out. But you still held on while he stood in silence wishing for your release. He didn’t have the heart to tear himself away from you.

“I just got you back… I just got you back!”

You looked up at him, and for once he had looked back. Red, puffy eyes stared into watery blue ones, pleading from the very depths of your soul for him to stay with you, put everything down and just stay.

Sirens began blaring outside, the shrieks of the horns signaling for him to leave.

“Bucky, no… please…”

You dug in further, your knuckles white from holding on and your knees sore from the ground, but you held on.

“I love you.”

These words hurt you, made another desperate sob come from your body without permission. You couldn’t say it back no matter how much you wanted to yell and scream that you loved him. But saying it back meant goodbye, a simple farewell to a trip never returning, it was the final words to someone you might never see again. So you refused, you held those words close to your heart and kept them there, not allowing him to hear them from you.

A gentle tug was all it took for you to collapse, his new vibranium arm slipped between your fingers leaving a cold nothingness instead.

You stayed on the ground, watching as he walked out the door, refusing to even look back at the one person he felt safe with, felt at home with.

The click of the front door closing sent you in a frenzy of cries and screams. You wanted to run out there, rip him off the battlefield yourself and keep him home where he would be safe. But you knew he was right, you knew he was needed, yet it didn’t make it any easier watching the love of your life leave to a battle in which you didn’t know if he would return.

When the firing of weapons and explosions soon came to a stop, you realized the fight was over. It was only a few moments later, when the bodies of those around you began to turn to ash and disappear without a trace, did you realize Earth had lost.

One more moment after, you realized you lost him, and that’s the moment you felt your heart stop.

Permanent Taglist: (unlinked names are either broken links or mispelled, please message me for any corrections)

@rose-coloured-me @sunflower-anna @classiccollectionavenue @memyselfandmaddox @teeterparker @peachllobotomy @emaywhyayy @sander-fander-sides @dystosiims @well-this-is-just-awkward @purpstraw @its-obrosey-bitch @voidjillybean @drinkingteandfangirling @stevieboyharrington @jacquelinebeam @sam-maerell @sassmastermaria @scarlettsoldier @floodinginstars @mackenziesmarvelousgalaxy @infinitytoms @sterolinelover13 @loricwizardbluetoastedcake @unicorn-sparkles123 @lafayettes-baguettes-1 @queenofallslay @foursetsofcoursets @tomhollandsmouthfr0g @miraculouspaladins5 @fangirl--of-everything @plurisignificativoblog @potato-galaxy @popluckbih @awkwardnesshabitat @skelkitt @spiderdudeparker @determinedpines

@mindset-jupiter @newsienewsie @alt-wildflower @0captain-marvel0 @buck-ets @ink-and-tea @stranger-marvel @who-the-buck-is-stucky @ironspideyboy @httpmcrvel @missaubreychase @johnmulaneyslut

@lxstneverfound @classicmarvelavenue @daisyjeongguk @baby-hunny-bee @fucking-reddie @thumper-darling @vjrobine @w0nderr @fightmebub @spideys-jj @disdainful-words @leggo-lass @supremetoaster

@cynicallystiles @bluedogsatmusicians @vjrobine @marvelnerdxinfinity @losersunitetonight @intoxicatingloki @minyoongay-jungcock @for-my-mind @sorceressandy @thekidsofneibolt @junewisterias @nrx7 @francesdominique @not-sebastian-stan @yuukyuu-no-uta @saltoids

@ailynalonso15 @laurfangirl424 @thefallenbibliophilequote @super-flamin-hot-cheetos @embrace-themagic @hedwigthelegend @ironspiderguy @lostandafraiddepressedgirl @greekdemigodwannabe

@theshortegg @kawaii-girl-101 @signed-potato @thedaughterofdawn @dangerousluv1 @minnie-marvel @etudaire @rosegoldpavi @thefallenbibliophilequote

#marvel #Avengers #infinity war #Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #james buchanan barnes #reader #reader insert #Self Insert #fanfic #fan fiction #writing #dont go #magic-marvel #one shot

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hanasaku-shijin · 6 years

Text

10 MINUTES LATER FINALLY GOT IN HERE WE GOOO

hndhjfk

this season i actually have never skipped the opening theme i love it

‘watch after the credits’ WE’LL SEE IF I MAKE IT THAT FAR

THIS IS ITTT AAAAHH IT’S SINKING INNNN

AAAHSAHDHFJDKF PLEEEASE

oh boy blake v adam

KICK HIS SORRY ASS HUNNY

‘not you’ oohhh mr bull(shit) man doesnt like not being the center of attention huh

okay sun ur cool but like can blake have this moment of triumph against her tormentor alone askjdfhdkj

come back in 5 sun

“more important things” SHE MEANS HER TEAM SHE MEANS YANG THANKS BYYYEE

okay i thought adam’d get away to fuck shit up another day that’s all fine

okay so JN_R and Ruby/Weiss are fighting I GUESS THAT COUNTS AS PARTNER TAGTEAM??? SURE FINE

AAHHHHH

BLAKE

JUMPING

ASKING IF THEY’RE HURT

SPECIFICALLY WEISS CUZ SHE’S COVERE DIN BLOOD

she says “no” even though she just got fucking stabbed typical weiss

ALL RIGHT NEWSPAPER GROUP FIGHT YAAAAA

WEISS ASKS RUBY WHAT THE PLAN IS okay that’s good partnership

THANK YOU for a line of white rose dialogue

CHECKMATE

OH WE’RE DOING THOSE TEAM SHIP MOVES AGAIN

buuut scene change so we dont get to see it huhh

damn it

LET US SEE THEM FIGHT!! WHAT THE HELL!!!

yooo what if raven MURDERED the last spring maiden and she was thinking of raven in fear/dread

murdered her on purpose for her powers

OH SHIT REALLY???

WAIT REALLY???

I DIDNT WANNT BE RIGHT

SHIT

OH BOY

VOL6 GONNA BE TEAM RWBY DEFENDING THE RELIC FROM SALEM

YOOOO YES PLEEEEEAAASEE

holy shit raven actually cried

oUCH

that relic’s big yo how would you carry that/keep it safe

WAAAH

YANG

MY HEART

FUCK STOP IIT

STOP MAKING THEM CRYYY

welp RIP leo

jellyfish salem is here u dead

cowardly lion indeed

well if we had to have one finale death that’s a fair one

oh poor emerald

YAAANNNGGG BITCHEEESS

LOOK AT THEM IN AWE OF HER

BLAKE LOOKS SO CALM

RUBY IS SO PROUD

WEISS IS IMPRESSED

oh nO EMERALD IS CRYING TOO

FUCKING HELLS TOPSODFJKGDL

yang looks

right to blake

bye

oh she’s creating an illusion i think????

hhhoooly fuck

em and merc got more partner scenes than ruby and weiss did

but anyway there’s our crew of baddies for vol6

NOW PLEASE

FINAL MINUTES

RWBY

GOOOOOO

okay belladonnas and ilia first

Adam wont have the fang he’ll have em and merc and salem now ultimate baddies team

sun giving blake a push to go to her teammates was good

HOW IS SUN WRITTEN SO WELL AND JAUNE ISNT I DONT UNDERSTAND

“firecracker”

aaaahh yangs nicknamee wwaaaAAAAHH

oh MY GOD

JESUS

CHRIST

CHRISTMAS

LORD

AAAAAAHH

RUBY COLLAPSES

AND WEISS

FINALLY

IM SOBBING FINALLY A WHITE ROSE MOMENT JESUS CHRIST

LORD HOW LONG HAVE WE WAITED

WEISS WAS SO CONCERNED SHE’S LIKE ABOUT TO CRY

MY HEART MY FUCINKG HEART

IM GONNA WATCH THAT SCENE 2 MILLION TIMES LATER

BLAKE GET IN HERE YANG GET OVER YOURSELF

WEISS STILL HOLDING ONTO RUBY’S ARM !!! STILL HOLDING ONTO HER!!!

GODDDDD

SCREAMS

NEW SONG NEW SONG I WAS RIGHT

OH MY GODDD THANK YOU

GODD FUCKING BELSS

WEISS WAS THE ONE WHO INVITED BLAKE

WEISS IS THE CONFIRMED HUGGER FOR SURE

okay a kneeling group hug is... good I GUESS I’LL TAKE IT OVER STANDING UP SQUEEZING TIGHT AND ALL THAT BUT FINE OKAY

hwaaaatt there’s gotta be stuff after the credits man

it was a reunion but like??? I FEEL WE SHOULDVE GOTTEN MORE EMOTION MORE TALKING MORE HUGGING MORE CRYING

WAAAHT I NEED MORE THAN THAT

okay there we go after credits scene

but it wasnt even RWBY

gonna make us wait till vol6 huh

I SWEAR TO GOD VOL6 BETTER HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING RWBY INTERACTION TALKING CONVERSATIONS

IM UNSATISFIED BUT LIKE SURE WHATEVER IT WAS GOOD

I JUST WANT MOOOOOOORE

KLASJDHFSKJLDFGKFDSL

#rwby liveblog #rwby spoilers

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nottheoccult · 6 years

Text

oblivion access: except it’s poetry

Social self-obsessive species, everything is peachy

Having cyber interactions, get erections from the TV Vocal bout opinions bout elections up in DC With a total lack of knowledge, rope around your neck was easy Chemical complaint, deformity machine Skin eraser, loss creator, poison that you breathe Traitor, parasite, xenophilic golden boy Seen him with a soy product, wrote the Village Voice about it Tell me conclusions to stories I don't have time for Situations with the information missing, misinformed We've seen the same rain through separate systems, different storms We're stacking bodies up in boxes in a distant war I eat my vegetables, I like the broccoli What is more fictitious, the gods or you and I? You needs a court's admission, you think the cops comply? I don't acknowledge systems, I never found it wise I wasn't born to just support the shit that's palpable I don't see Earth as disproportionally valuable If there's a god, I'm sure his name is unpronounceable If there's a hell, I'm sure we'll all be held accountable I drew a portrait of Abraxis on a napkin Sex has never given me an ounce of satisfaction Life throws a lot of questions but I never ask them Facts are human arrogance, we barely know a fraction I don't know anything (This is the way the world ends)

From the inside of my corpse, 30 seconds is like a century Imprisoned in necrotic flesh Cognizant beyond my death Paralyzed and frozen in this carnal penitentiary Lucidly projecting hellish spectres Ghoulish architecture, enveloped In a darkness far beyond my mind can measure Suffocating violent pressure It just goes on forever, are these electro- Magnetic hallucinations? Is this everybody's afterlife or something I've created? Abandoned and dismissed in a flaccid Impotence with the cold illumination that I no longer exist In a grave within a grave It was the first time I prayed, no one There to tell me that I shouldn't be afraid Falling endlessly deeper, yet immobile and still In this infinite aethyr washing over My filth, neither angels or reapers or ghosts were fulfilled Just a cavity to soak up my guilt In my depravity, the flowers Up above me wilting down so they can laugh at me To think we spend our lives Convinced we understand agony, a familiar Voice: "He's finally at peace" Shrieking through the silence to remind me I'm deceased I tried to answer but the dead can't Speak, the biggest prison in the world's underground six feet

I got soaked through the rainiest days They made me this way Should have left the street but it paid me to stay The path that I walked on was paving my pain So I strayed and laid bricks for the opposite lane If you ain't rich you don't play about that gwop I view the city like a section of a swamp A lot of shit grows but nothing that you want A lot of shit gross and that's just being blunt Bitches acting foul and bitches wanna stunt But nothing ever change until you willing to confront Crooked cop, crooked cop, yeah, I see him too Erry' person has autonomy, we ain't got a clue I know it sound hazy when I twist that J That Richtown way, these dummies catch a 6 round fade And yeah I know them hunnies got them big round things But really don't give a fuck about that blasé blasé I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head Gallon after gallon, brain's wet Seeing dead shit, morning never happened I'm still somewhere in my head space Walked for blocks, never figured out my destination 40 Glock pops, talk a cop into resignation I'm a mental patient, safety's not a strong suit Wrongdoer, safety off, one chambered, I'm dog puke Tell them shoot or just get off me, sociopathy probably Shit that bothers y'all probably never bothers me Told you not to follow me, newspaper's a shit show "Idiot with a slit throat stuffs coke in his pisshole Kills family with missiles" "Politician fucks bitches with issues" Everything I read is just a sick joke It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money

I'm blowing on a backwood stuffed with psychiatrics Coughing with a hack like a playa out of practice 20 in my nose whatever get it done the fastest Eyes closed praying for apocalypse disasters No gods no masters no befores no afters Ugly mane will make you disappear just like a rapture Dodging destiny still the coffin like a bed to me The voices spoke incessantly My pride is what they fed to me Tried to read the messages but words was wrote illegibly Hennessy suppressing all my memories Mirror showed me glimpses of the enemies possessing me Toxic thought telepathy Living legacy Rocking weapons like accessories, dying for supremacy Really we're as significant as centipedes Crawl around the earth with no identities You're not special, don't pretend to be Your tendencies are so predictable it's difficult to remedy I could read a billion books still not know what pill I took I could have a million guns still walk with Achilles foot

HE USED TO LAUGH THE LOUDEST/NOW IT NEVER SHOWS HE TRIED TO BE THE TALLEST/BUT HE NEVER GROWS HE WATCHED HIS BROTHER DIE AND NEVER TOLD LOOKED AROUND AND KNEW HE HAD TO GO HE KNEW HIS FATHER HAD A BETTER DREAM BUT YOU CAN’T LEARN FROM WHAT YOU NEVER SEEN HE TRIED TO MINGLE WITH THESE JEALOUS THIEVES WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GET ABUSED BY A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GETTING USED BY A MACHINE NOW HE’S USELESS AND HE’S STUPID AND OBSCENE HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER LEAVES HE COMES AND HE GOES BUT HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER BREATHES HE NEVER BREATHES HE INHALES AND HE EXHALES BUT HE NEVER BREATHES

I fell apart and took my mind with me. i have been barely sustaining My pain just marinating. i fell apart and took my mind with me. just a Ghost cloaked in lies with a broken spine. i fell apart and took my mind With me. just an unrecognizable creature caught under an avalanche I fell apart and took my mind with me. my presence unnerving. im a Shadow always lurking. surrounded by death. even the towel rack Reminds me of the handles pallbearers grip tightly on the way out of Church. what they use to lift you up into the back of that hearse. i see A woman tighten grip on her purse. can’t be offended. she doesnt Know my intentions. she imagines the worse. around here. the Conditions severe. around here. you tightrope between detachment And fear. between the shattered fragments of existence that collapse And appear. never changes. just exacerbates depression deeper year And year. pain weaving in. pain weaving out. heartworms. sharpturns Sparsewords. scarsburns. i spent a long time dying. dont wake me up Yet. public executions. you’ll never see me upset. forcefed myself with Blow but now i settle for sedatives. no longer in the street. i belong in The crevices. positively negative. popular ive never been. hard to be a Person when you lack the mental requistes. emotionally deficit Consumed with all the wretchedness. not optimist or pessimist. my Politics are in exodus. spouting countless fountains out while drowning In the brine. my lifes the foulest algorithm science can't define. they Trap you in these systems that are phallic in design. because they fuck You in the mind. boy. they fuck you all the time. i fell apart and took My mind with me. being strung up at the ligaments with cultural Derivatives. i fell apart and took my mind with me. pronounced dead By a nemesis. a doubt without a benefit. i fell apart and took my mind with Me. just a cluster of atoms thrust deep in a chasm. i feel apart and now Your mind is with me. smoke in your eyes. the worlds a joke in disguise

Funny how the hours stretch and melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Everything is very temporary except decisions Just a navigation of this future I envisioned Humoring these people that too stupid to be living An arbitrary figment A movement that I never was Obvious when people seem different than the rest of us Or think less of us Only hoes I care about Pumping in the pipe fumes Car running, windows up Hoping I'll die soon Night time Eyes dilate bigger than bike tubes That's the reason that I stay up past the sunset "I liked your record! Where's the new one? Is it done yet?" Problems that I run from impossible to sublet You don’t want them either There's a fever in the subtext Boiled all the mercury I questioned what it's worth to me Hard liquor fire breath Slurred dialect In the mist like Bix Beiderbecke With overdose side effects Probably take a Prilosec and try to get some rest Cut the Midas fingers off and never sign a check "What about your future?" I-D-G-A-F World so cold I can see they breath Feeling like distance is a bitch to express Pissing upstream when your dick is erect Or when you're picking up steam and get a fist in the chest

I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place

Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory

Back when I was 15 it seemed Ugly was untouchable What, they gonna throw me in the juvy for a month or two? Try me, I still ain't doin' nothing that you want me to Cuttin' and disrupting every classroom discussion Cussin' out my mom, puffin' blunts, gettin' dusted Overwhelmed with distrust in everything that I wasn't Things I know now (I guess I felt 'em back then): Power and control reflect fear among men The shit that they condemn you can see amongst them So I never ever ever want to be amongst them See a landscape littered with the blisters of potential People letting ghosts govern most of they mental The opposite adults your folks hope you'd resemble Doomed from the get like a goat in the temple Hard to not dwell among fear Knowing that the court treat crime so severe But I'm blowin' smoke out the window being so cavalier Sh-shakin' up the bottle when I open the beer Only obligation is to prosper in my operations Money motivations stay gaudy ostentatious Ain't even a challenge cuz the rap game basic I ain't heard talent since ["Incarcerated Scarfaces" Sample] Face it, it's fact not assumption Rap sound like shit like "ship" with the fronts in Hate getting lumped in, giant next to munchkins Catch me on the other side wildin' in the dungeon

You got sativa, ignite it World stiff as arthritis Dreaming about a crisis, all I fucking hear is sirens Climates turn to ice and your life turn to lifeless Sitting on my throne, I'm alone in the silence First hit the wax then you exhale the vapor Economies collapse and your stack just some paper Running round a maze while they laugh in your faces Rather burn down the city get me fucking 50 acres Slugs are just snails without shells The perception: evolution fucked them over and failed But they survive without protection in this jungle they dwell With giants throwing salt on all their people Can't consider them frail Spit vinegar in sour times Live under the power lines I'm just a bag of tumors full of alkaline All you do is carve them out and sew up any abscess Go about your business, keep your distance from the dragnets Backseat driving, passenger traveling Bumming a ride in my own brain Pointless meandering, using the vanity mirror to break up the cocaine Loitering, lost in a memory somewhere between a first kiss and a dope vein Nursing myself as an infant and in the same instant I'm shackled and cuffed and restrained How does this fucking pertain to anything other than coping with pain? All of the time I spent hoping to change Just an obsession with stoking the flames Haunted, something hovers over me I feels its breath The skeletal projection of accumulated stress

That could be our teenager, that could be our kid doing that. How could that possibly happen?

I got bad news Nothing really changes We just wander aimless Friends turn into strangers Chalk up my exchanges and discard the conversations As just carcasses for vultures in decomposition stages Endless entertainment for these culture commentators Stylish innovators that just vanish minutes later Say "his style is very painterly" But painting's not an art Art is tricking you with statements that the painter's painting art Without an explanation, it's just pretty little marks The market sold imagination just to keep you in the dark Like you bitches need a cosign to rock a fashion Like you can't see a bigger picture without a caption Until some critic go and write it out A long winded trite amount of words That you can slide around some websites and fight about Meaning's what your life's without Surf until you're wiping out Conservation activist You're living with your lights out

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message? But what if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed What if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message?

You know what the rattling pieces are in this, don't you? Some little pieces of buffalo chicken

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savingfairies-blog · 7 years

Text

not a poem i wrote this cause its 1am and im bored

every day i set my alarm for 5:45am to allow myself a fake ‘lie in’ and then when it goes off i turn it off and go back to sleep and set another alarm which is usually 7. when i open my eyes its usually just before 7 and so i quickly turn the alarm off before it goes off, i don’t know why but the idea of an alarm going off after i have already woken up really bugs me and quite frankly i hate loud noises and abrupt deafening sounds, especially when i have just opened my damn eyes !!!? sometimes i think i must have died in a past life of being screamed at or another alternative life i would have probably drowned because the ocean scares the crap out of me but thats another story for another day. and so after i have switched the alarm off quickly before it goes off puts me in a bad mood all day, i usually, although i should take full advantage of waking up earlier, get back into bed and go back to sleep because after all i’ve still got time hunny. then i wake up to my mum or dad telling me to get up and asking why i haven’t moved yet and it’ll be like 7:30 and i’ll be like shit i have aprox 28 mins to get dressed to catch the bus at the bus stop 2 mins away for 8. so i dash out of bed like sonic the blue hedgehog and i sometimes think wow i’m way too hungry a gal gotta catch breakfast and make myself late which i’ll get into. so its usually two slices of lightly toasted bread with whatever chocolate coated cereal we got in with some water. i hate water, it tastes like weird, if you think water has no taste then i envy you cause i taste some weird taste every time i drink water from any tap, any bottle, any source. i take it upstairs and eat it on my bed cause it tastes better that way for some reason and it makes me feel more relaxed about being behind schedule. hate that word schedule like some people (like my dad) say shedule n i’m like wtf. shed? also an ugly arrangement of letters sorry schedule fans. and so i probably watch anderz which is a vlog channel on youtube by helen anderson and her life is a lot more interesting than mine so it spices things up a lil you know. and practically swallow my breakfast whole cause i’m in that much of a rush and then pick an outfit which takes me forever and turns out to look shit anyway lol kms and dash straight into the bathroom like sonic himself and go to the toilet for my routine wee and then wash my hands, brush my teeth, wet my face with warm water, put clearasil face wash on my face and then rinse it off with water again and then wash my hands again. because i have an addiction to washing my hands and i like to carry hand sanitiser with me wherever i go but its usually not enough because i like the feel of cold water splashing on my hands and hand sanitiser thats been sitting in the bottom of my above room temperature bag doesn’t quite compare. so then i put deodorant on and get all my fresh clothes on ya know the drill !!! and go sit on my phone again and continue to watch anderz vlogs and then see the time n think ooo i’m really living life on the edge here so i start to put makeup on my face and most of the time i don’t look at my face while putting it on because over the years i have grown accustomed to not liking my face at all for a various number of reasons and so i prefer to not look at it much ya no it really kills my vibe and i wanna feel like queen b not a rodent ok . i usually take a long time to get ready to then only look like a large poo emoji hahah !!! but then i chose my trainers that i’ve grown a little collection of and i set off for the bus feeling fine. after checking i have the correct £1.40 in my pocket so i don’t have to count it at the bus stop with a potential bus arriving or even worse, on the bus when i can feel peoples piercing eyes on me and i am terrible at counting money quickly sorry its not my fault you’re late for work deborah, i’m late myself and i can’t have the guilt of you too this gal already to emotionally unstable n i’m gunna collapse. i double check the change like seven times while i’m standing at the bus stop and keep a look out for the bus. one time i was at a bus stop (the other day actually) and because the bus stop is on a road just before a corner, you can never be sure when a bus is gunna come cause u can’t bloody see wtf who’s idea was this ?? and so whenever you hear a bus like engine roaring up, you gotta act fast. so i’m stood at the bus stop, a woman comes and stands behind me, cool i’m not alone whatever. a bus imitating noise comes along and i sure as hell move my ass fast from inside the shelter to outside of the hut where i get as close to the edge of the road to depart and climb on board of the bus. after aprox 3 seconds a truck flies past and i jump out of my knickers and back the hell up, i’m sure the woman thought i was straight up going to take my 19 years that morning, it didn’t happen. i feel a little silly, the bus comes, i’m running late like most days and by now i don’t even see the point in checking the time, i either make it or i don’t, looking makes it more real so i chose to do a timeless sprint from the bus station to the train station flying past everybody at, in my mind, 70mph. i feel like a bird flying through the air, by about 5 minutes into my power walk i feel like a penguin trying to fly and my shins start stabbing and feeling like they’re gunna snap off and because i’m in no form fit, i can’t breathe and this particularly day i was wearing heeled boots, bad move wtf you should have gone for one of my nice selection of trainers silly. i speed round a corner feeling good and like lightning and then my ankle swerves on an uneven pavement piece (wtf ?!!!) and i nearly fall on to a bunch of 16 year old middlesbrough college sport boys. its embarrassing but i’m already red from the flight. i run up the stairs going light headed and get on my train with 2 minutes to spare. i couldn’t breathe but it was brilliant, i did it. the train usually sets off like 5 mins later than 32 minutes past 8 as it should. i don’t mind much, in fact i couldn’t care less. i then proceed to pant and break into a mild sweat and because i’m an idiot, i never pack water and so i dehydrate but least i’m gunna make it to uni right? so i put my bag on the seat next to me and put my earphones in because i don’t have any friends as you will probably realise lol. i put a bit of kanye on or something like that, maybe london grammar if i’m feeling suicidal or feeling like i’m gunna die from a heart attack because of the exercise, i’d wanna go out to something nice like that ya know. train trugs along, thornaby, stockton, billingham, seaton carew and then hartlepool. it goes on further to better places like cool newcastle but stops there for me like most things in my life hehe !! so then i get off and power walk into the uni building with kanye or something blasting down my ear canals making me feel like a full blown g. i often forget my uni card so the g stops usually at the door where i stand pondering how the hell i’m gunna get in and if i’m ever gunna make it. usually someone comes and then they have a card and so its cool, i get up the stairs and go into the room where the magic happens lol jk. nothing happens here in the story for like ¾ hours cause i just sit by myself occasionally doing some work while taking breaks of staring into space because not many acknowledge me haha :) i then realise nothing will literally happen if i just leave, so then i go home again, sometimes after an hour lol i just hate it. i like the course, i love drawing even though i can’t really draw anything but apart from that i just wish the train would be completely late :) so i repeat the travelling process but in reverse and get home for like 2/3. i then go on the computer often playing sims and then get a shower and get my pyjamas on and get into bed. i don’t talk to anyone apart from my family all day every day :) my friends have dropped me which is ya know a bit disheartening but you can’t persuade someone to like you so i’ve just left them to it. i’m alone now and i’m depressed. my days are just slow but racing past and everything is going downhill by the second. 2016 was shit. hope 2017 isn’t or i dunno what i’m gunna do. i have my friend Shannon, she’s like my bestfriend but its a bit poo cause shes in uni so its hard to get to see her much but im going to manchester to see her for a weekend next week and we’re going to see jeremy kyle live so thats funny, i actually can’t wait. But the rest is drab and i hope for change and i hope i find some friends around here haha

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