#how do i learn to be comfortable AS a masculine woman? i have no one to look up to who can teach me or show me it's okay.

[twelvemonkeyswere]

Brienne and Femininity (and Masculinity)

I’ve been musing how one of the most important topics in Brienne's storyline is femininity, and even though her story isn't finished, we can fairly see what some of her major themes are around this—particularly, how performing or failing at performing femininity affects her both internally and externally.

Often I see people pointing out that, in spite of all of Brienne’s traditionally masculine ways—her clothes, her skill set, her body shape, to name a few—she does not fully reject femininity. That she likes little cute animals and fairy tales and wears dresses, and is shy and blushes frequently. This is an important point because, very often, fantasy settings made the assumption that a woman can only be taken seriously if she goes beyond “her womanhood” and acts and thinks “like a man,” as opposed to other girls who are too busy mending or wanting romance. Brienne challenges those tendencies that GRRM saw in his contemporaries. Things have changed a lot since (hello The Locked Tomb, for example), but you can still see where he is working from, and how many of the aspects of Brienne's story still resonate with more modern audiences because, well, sexism hasn't stopped existing. It's also important because the larger asoiaf and got fandoms often refuse to see this side of her, reducing her to a walking sword or a cardboard cut out of a pushover.

Now, my main issue here is that I feel several interpretations of Brienne have now gone on the other direction, and focus so much on Brienne PERFORMING traditional femininity—wearing luxurious dresses, using make up, accepting lavishing gifts, or wondering if she can be desired, for example—that we've gone sometimes on the opposite direction. I feel like many times we’re afraid or do not know how to approach characterizing her as someone who rejects aspects of femininity without making her into another “not like other girls” stereotype.

My two cents on the matter is that if we focus too much in what Brienne can't but "wants" to perform, we forget that she is, in fact, gladly rejecting some common impositions of femininity in her society.

Beginning with swordplay at a young age, for example, she was very glad to ditch a more traditional education in order to learn how to fight the way we know men are taught in asoiaf/got. She is also explicitly more comfortable in men's clothes. We all like the scene where Jaime makes an effort to give her a dress and she appreciates it, but we don't even find out what happened to the dress, because, presumably, the dress itself is not THAT important, at least not as much as the fact Jaime gave her gifts as a form of appreciation. Dresses have been used in Brienne's past to mock her (the event with the bear being the most recent one), and the important part is that Jaime is the only one who has given her one without that ulterior motive. The point of the scene is that where everyone undermines and underestimates her, he is acting the opposite way. We’re seeing how the relationship between them has evolved and that he is doing his best to mend what has happened and what he has done. She is given a dress and a sword as symbols that someone else in the story is beginning to appreciate her for all she is.

Beyond that, we even get details on the old shield Brienne got at Harrenhal, but not a word about the dress. Brienne explicitly doesn't really like being in dresses, she prefers mail and breeches, and feels more at ease in them than anything else. This is not her hating dresses because she is above them. I can’t remember well but as far as we know it’s just her preference: I don’t recall her saying she hates dresses, just that she prefers trousers. She must have been wearing dresses her whole life! It’s not likely she is unused to them. But we do know the act of being given a dress is important in Brienne’s story. The problem is not that they can’t make dresses for her, the problem is that everyone who forces her to wear a dress wants to signal how lacking she is as a woman, trying to fit her in a box too small for her real shape and then mocking her because she doesn’t meet their standard. The problem is they want to make her uncomfortable and they want to humiliate her, because she dares to exist in a way that doesn’t conform to patriarchal ideals. And the problem is that she likes to wear trousers and mail. She likes to wear masculine clothes, and they want her to be very aware of how much they disapprove.

And we also hear a great deal about marrying and having children out of duty. There's a certain loss she feels there because she believes that, at that point, all those missed opportunities will never present themselves again. All her life, she grew up with a dichotomy that dictated that the chance of having a family or children was through duty or none at all, because she is her father’s heir and—they kept telling her—nobody would want an ugly, masculine, temperamental girl as a wife. They could only want her for the money she brought. The point of the story is that, once again, failing the standards of femininity has forced her into a mentality where she thinks she can’t be loved because nobody would like who and what she is. But even then, even with that thorn in her mind, she still feels relieved she didn't have to perform these particular duties. The only thing she’s sad about is that she thinks she's missed any chance at having a family at all and will never know what that might be like. She doesn’t actively want babies or even to be married. She is still young, and at least to me, she seems to view these things in hypothetical rather than explicit goals or wants. She thinks that, at 20, there is no opportunity for her to experience these things because of how her society works. It’s the lack of choice that she mourns, down the line. But she rejects that particularly role that femininity imposes on her now. She didn’t want it, and she is happy it didn’t go through. She literally fought an old man to prove how much she didn’t want those impositions.

All this is interesting to me because Brienne also sort of thinks of herself as her father's son as well as her father's daughter. It almost slips her mouth once or twice. She is aware, I think, that many times the differences between a son and a daughter boil down not really to gender but to the sort of duty they perform. And she wants to do the sorts of things sons do, too. Men regularly learned to fight and wore the clothes she liked best and used hard-earned skills in a way she wanted to use them. There are layers to this (we’ll get to that in a bit) but she is, I think, very aware of her masculinity, and, if left to her own devices, she seems comfortable in it. The problem is she is NOT left to her own devices.

Most of Brienne's self doubt comes from outside forces. As a woman, they underestimate her. As a woman, they think she is stupid. As a gender non-conforming woman, every jape uttered goes directly to her womanhood. As a woman, if she looks the way she does and dresses the way she does and fights the way she does, when she expresses any vulnerable emotion, any shred of “femininity,” she is mocked for it. She likes dancing and beautiful things and pretty boys but a woman as masculine as she is is not the sort of person who gets to express those preferences without judgment from those around her.

The point is Brienne’s world wants her miserable either way: being unable to be a woman the way they demand of her, because she is too much “like a man” for it, or being unable to be a man, because she is too much a woman for that. The point is she can’t win regardless of what she does. Because that’s how sexism works.

But Brienne’s story is, I think, one about choices. The thing is that the world makes it harder for her, but she shouldn't have to be one thing or the other. She shouldn’t have to be defined by one or the other. If she wants to fight in the mud and smell roses and wear chain-mail and talk to charming men, she should be able to choose all of those things. I think it’s easy to focus too much in what aspects of femininity Brienne likes or dislikes instead of looking at what the story is proposing, which is to look at what Brienne,as a person, likes or dislikes. What she wants. Her parallel story to Jaime is about how the world will always try to put folks in boxes, especially those who, for some reason or another, do not easily fit in those boxes. The question is not “what feminine/masculine parts of Brienne is she happy performing” but rather “what does Brienne want, and why does she feel like she cannot get it and doesn't dare ask.”

This is also what drives her to servitude. There’s a phrase out there that says that if you don’t think you can be liked, you try to become useful, so at least there’s a reason to keep you around. It’s heartbreaking to see how Brienne’s vision of herself has been so skewed by the emotional abuse, parental neglect, and bullying she’s experienced since a young age. She doesn’t think anyone will grow close to her, so at least she can be close to people by serving them. She wants to put her skills to use, she wants to find a place where she fits, where she can be more herself, but she isn’t sure what that looks like or how to find it. She’s still searching, and learning many things on the way.

And Brienne is still very young. We can see her confidence growing and her worldview challenged and she is beginning to see the realities of herself and of the world around her through various trials by fire. Misogyny makes her feel incomplete, but we know the things she trusts about herself while simultaneously seeing the way she constantly doubts others. How she can't never express all of herself without constant judgment or mockery.

I feel like yes, the fact Brienne doesn't reject all traditional femininity is really important to her themes, but by extension, it's as important that shedoes reject some of those traditional expressions of femininity. What she is truly rejecting is imposition, not femininity. What she truly needs to embrace is freedom, not masculinity. She's making her own vows, breaking her own promises, going through her own mistakes. She is learning the hard way. Agency in a world of limited choices is one of Brienne's main themes too. There are moral issues that go deep within her story as well as examinations of the effects of war and the struggle to find authenticity and connection in a community that refuses to acknowledge yours, a community drenched in pretense and lost in performance.

And I think it’s easy to get too caught up in her wanting to be a girlfriend or a mother or wearing a dress that we bypass the whole conversation around why that matters at all. I feel like Brienne's success isn't going to come from her fully embracing all her feminine traits or fully accepting all her masculine traits but from being able, down the line, to be exactly who she is.

#i was looking at my drafts and here are some scrambled ideas I had that I wanted to release so I've tried to make them more organized #brienne of tarth #asoiaf

[non-un-topo]

Spending hours trying to figure out why I feel so irritable and sensitive today and I’m only realizing now it might have something to do w being invited to a birthday party full of an entire family I’ve never met and like seven very small children and the person inviting me assuming I would love that. I want to support her bc I like her and she’s family now, but I cannot---I will not---go to another family event and be pushed into the kitchen doing dishes with the women or cooing over someone’s baby who just stares at me and whines when I try to mask and say hello.

#my period ended so it ain't that. #maybe i'm a horrible person. i just want to be left alone for seven solid days. and i certainly do not want to be forced- #-to interact with children. they scare me. real bad. #maybe this also has something to do with my readings for this week and the fact that we're going to be discussing 'womanhood'. #like the subject is 'what IS a woman to you?' and i am not really looking forward to listening to 15 cis girls tell me- #-how awful it is and how much pain they themselves endured while entirely not acknowledging the existence of trans women #or gnc women. #why am i so irritable jfc. #every time i talk like this to my partner they give me that look lol. the look that's like 'uh huh. i know a trans person when i see one.' #and i'm like shhhhhhh. no. don't say that. shhhh. i don't want to be. i hate myself okay and my family scared me out of it. #wish i could fucking shapeshift. wish i was just fucking born with a dick and a flat chest. actually i wish i was two people. #so i could decide from day-to-day and not have to worry about irreversible changes. #how much of my alleged transness is just internalized misogyny? <- this is a question i ask very very quietly to myself #because i think it's what my mother thinks. and most of the world. #how do i learn to be comfortable AS a masculine woman? i have no one to look up to who can teach me or show me it's okay. #i have transmasc friends who are elated to go on T. i'm scared that they will make me want to do it again. why tf am i scared of that... #irreversible changes. society. literally everything. fucking hell............ #no one talks about this particular experience of gender. no one talks about the in-between and the immense fear. at least no one to me. #why am i even taking gender studies in university if every class is full of cis women who don't even know the terminology of transness #or of gender-expansiveness... #i think i've become a very sour person in the last few years. #need to vent through writing or something. like through fanfiction.

[costelloschoice]

General Mizu headcanons -Mizu x fem!reader -sfw and nsfw headcanons + my thoughts :], kinda long? but aye, more content -pls, reminder these are my takes, and I would love to hear your in the comments <3

-comments and reblogs are appreciated <3

Sfw:

took her awhile to open up fully to you. Like about everything- probably hide her fav food from you too

speaking of food, she probably is a terrible cook and would love if you can cook for her

I can imagine Mizu burning a pot of water

I tried to do my research and look into this, but I think Mizu is about 5'4

if you're shorter than her, she'll definitely have a confidence boost and feel she has to protect you always- she already does but...you're short and tiny...so she must

If you're taller, she's putty in your hands when you two are alone but she will still kick someone's ass for you

If you're not trained in the martial arts or any good with swords, she'll teach you

If Mizu is teaching you before you two are official, she'll be rougher and stricter with her teaching. She wants you to be the best and have a good chance to learn to protect yourself

Now if she is teaching you after you two are dating, she'll still be strict but definitely a bit more gentle

"Do it again...You almost had it, try again I know you can do this"

Nicknames for you? I feel she would mostly call you by your name, but she would also call you "my pearl" or "my dove"

Pls play with her hair plsplsplsplsplsplspls

She's a sucker for a massage due to her battles and training but only from you

but!!!!!

The first time you saw her without her male persona/ identity sent her in panic mode. You knew her as this strong, tough masculine man...but here you are, happening to stumble upon her wearing nothing and seeing her...lady parts

She already started to develop feelings for you by that time and so have you, but at the knowledge you think she's a boy. Gay stuff is already a 'no-no' to a lot of people, so would it be a 'no-no" for you??

of course not- doesn't matter if they're male or female, it's still Mizu at the end of the day

once you accept her, she truly feels seen for once

This woman will and always lay down her life for you.

She'd probably die then come back to life for you cause she loves you that much

I do feel she would be distant in the beginning. We all know how her last marriage went...She doesn't want to be hurt again

Once you show her you're in for the long run, she'll become lovable and clingy

LET HER BE FEMININE PLS PLS

She barely got to explore her feminine side with Mikio (rat bastard) cause of what happened

Dress her up and make her feel pretty <3

I have a feelign she can be really childish when comfortable with you- play wrestle with her to burn off some energy

She will want to duel with you, but never lets it go too far

If she ever pulls that same shit she did with Mikio, and she has the sword to your throat...I feel she will get flashbacks and get nervous how you'll react

but is soon pulled out of those memories when you laugh and say she wins and you kiss her <3

Nsfw

now the yummy part lol

IDC SHE'S A SWITCH

no one will change my mind, no one could ever think of changing my mind

In the Edo period of Japan, sex toys were there to use and have fun. Now, I actually looked it up and ruined my web history for this because of the shunga I saw

STRAP ON- either Mizu using it on you or you using it on her, either way it's a good time

She definitely can and will be rough and dominate. She's used to be taking control to getting what she wants

Doesn't mean she can't be soft and sensual, you are her love after all, and sex is something for both to enjoy. She would love to just be soft with you

She will spank that ass, idc

Now, like I said, I actually looked a lot of this stuff up...

Double sided dildo for the both of you to use. For her, it's almost embarrassing cause you are seeing her reactions but she also LOVES this since it's so intimate to her, so hold her hand while you two do it

Going off the last one, I feel she would be trying to cover her face or her mouth sometimes...don't let her

With that one episode, we know she's loud and her eyes roll back...it's canon...so hit her with that dumb dick and make her roll her eyes back

Tie her up...that's all

Her fingers are long and slender, good for fingering your cunt and rubbing your clit

Loves having you in her lap and fingering you late at night, especially if there are other people around. Gives her the chance to cover your mouth and whisper in your ear to tease you

"You like that?...You like the fact anyone could catch us right now, and they'd see my fingers fucking this pussy..?”

Dw you'll give her the same treatment

When you finger her, she's whiny, holding onto your other hand tightly

Praise her breast- whether you have bigger breast or not, still show love to her peaches

Kiss them, suck on them, whatever..love on them

I don't think she would ever consider sharing you with another person like ever

I can imagine her talking a big game, but your first time? She’s a wreck, she wants everything to be perfect

Yeah technically she's not a virgin but she doesn't want to mess anything up with you

Favorite position? I think she likes taking you in missionary but likes to be bent over when she subbing

After you give her sum backshots, pls give her the softest aftercare

She will be clingy after, so let her cling to you like a koala

In the end, Mizu is the best girlfriend boyfriend ever <3

#mizu x reader #blue eye samurai x you #bes mizu #blue eye samurai x reader #mizu x you #mizu #mizu blue eye samurai #wlw #bes

[noraunor]

LOST LOVE.

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

Alastor x ex wife reader

๑ | synopsis : if there's one thing alastor want in heavens and hell, that is to get his wife back to his arms once again.

๑ | tw : angst, out of character al? -

๑| Tags :@moonmark98 @ilikemyteawithmilk @blueninjablade3

๑ | a/n : Hiii! I'm very happy that you loved this fic x3! Thank you y'all for the lovess!

Part one | Part two | Part three | Part four

Two weeks have already passed on your stay at the hazbin hotel was quite.. Something, well of course it would be because of a certain demon.

Alastor won't leave you alone.

In everywhere you go, you have the radio demon following you around like a lost pup. If not him, his shadows would be everywhere. You don't know whether you feel safe or in a lot more danger.

Though some where in your heart, it still flutter at the thought of him still caring you, but hate always overtakes your heart. How can be so caring and loving when he's the reason of your death?

But then again, some night you wonder, should you give him a chance again?

Well he is your husband for 10 years back in the days of your living with him, but the thought of hating him just kept eating your mind that the thought of forgiveness for that man disappears.

Today is another same day, with you observing the hotel and then helping the staffs here and there. Everyone was surprisingly nice that even Peter was comfortable enough to be alone with them, and that's the same for you but, you'll never feel the same way from the radio demon.

You know how alastor is, he would always do the unexpected. Oh how he always love seeing your shocked expression, so you choose to never be alone in the same room with him.

But guess was not in your side today.

You, alastor, Peter, Charlie was in the lounge today, with the princess and angel chatting happily while you sat stiffly across the radio demon.

You tried to get comfortable at the soft cushions of the seat but still his presence makes you very uneasy.

" oh! You should see the garden here! " the princess beamed.

" wait- there's a garden here?! " Peter exclaimed excitedly.

" yeah! Dad just added it here in the hotel after me renovation! "

" oh you should very much show it to me! "

You were to caught up on your thoughts about your ex-husband that you didn't even noticed the pair walking away.

" a penny for your thoughts, cher? "

You flinched, hard at the static voice in front of you, when you finally looked in front of you, you see your husband leaning down to you with his lazy grin. Too close.

You frown at the distance before pushing his face away.

" you should learn on how to respect a woman's personal space, mister. " alastor chuckled at this as he leans away from you as he planted himself at the armrest of the seat with his arm resting on the headrest of the seat.

" but I believe we're past through that,mon cheri. " he cooed.

" we were, but you decided to break that stage so suck it up. " you hissed at him before standing up from the seat, you could still feel his eyes burrying at your smaller form.

He went quiet for a moment before he sighed as he watched your retreating form.

" you're never going to let go of that.. Won't you? " he sighed, the radio effect on his voice wasn't there when he said that, your stomach tingles upon hearing his masculine voice once again.

You stopped on your tracks as you speak. " how can I let go of that when I died without fulfilling the dreams I have been wishing to commit at the age of 36 when you killed me. " you breath out.

Your glow brightens up as a signature of your raising temper.

" how can you just say that when you know that you're the very reason of my death? " you painted shakingly as you slowly turned to him.

His heart clenched once he saw the wall you've been building just after you met him again, crumbles. You, his wife, fighting back the tears you have been holding for a century. His throat bobbed as he swallowed the guilt that is eating him. His smile is already strained at the sight of your quivering lips and reddish nose.

Oh how he wanted to embrace you, right here, and apologize for a millionth time just to have your forgiveness once again.

" alastor- I missed a bunch of years! — " your wings and hands fly out in frustration as a small sob escaped your lips.

" and in those bunch of years! I could have started with something! Something with you! " slowly, tears escaped you eyes.

You were to caught up with the pouring emotions that you didn't notice him already making his way towards you with a slow steps.

" in those years I've missed... we could had a child with you to raise, to love, go watch them grow.. To tell them stories of how we met! " you sobbed, completely breaking down at the man you've hated to see just after your death.

" mon cheri.. " the stag breath out as he reached out for you. Alastor was never the one dealing with situations like this, in fact, he never had approached you like this back in your days since, you were already a happy woman with him back then.

" darling.. I- " his breath caught his throat as he watched you break down.

" we could've had grown old together.. But instead- we both died barely even starting! " you cried as you felt his hands reached out to your shoulders.

" darling.. My love, I'm sorry, I really am. I- " he stuttered.

You slapped his hands away from you as you stumbled back.

" no, no, don't touch me! You don't have the rights to touch me anymore! " you raged, he looked hurt at the action you did, but you didn't have enough heartstrings to pull for this one.

Alastor felt vulnerable at this state. Vulnerable for you, the man would do everything just to get you back again. Yes he fucker up, but the man still had a heart to beat for someone, and that is you. He doesn't mind looking pathetic, vulnerable, he'd do literally everything just to get his wife back to him again.

" my love, I really am sorry. I messed up big time and I know that there's in no way you'd forgive me for the action I did. " he reached out again for you as he continued " I'm very am sorry, I didn't know what came over me in that night-..just- just the thought of you leaving me scares me once I saw you in that basement.. " he breathe our finally holding your shoulders, his smile is finally gone as he swallowed his pride for apologizing.

" I regret it darling.. I really do, I could turn back the time , I would stop myself from piercing that knife to you.. " he pulled you into his chest, his hand was in the back of your head while his other than was in your waist, clutching on you desperately.

" but.. If you would give me another chance i-.. I would be a better husband. " he nuzzled the top of you head and leaving it a kiss.

" just darling.. I can't bare to be apart from you for another century again. I don't want to be away from you again. If there is a away to take back the love we lost, I would do everything in my power to get ignite the flames we had.Just please give me a chance. "

Your heart clenched at his attempt of getting you back, never once in your life you saw him like this. So it somewhat made you happy that he's willing to break his character just to have you by his side again. But you still feel uncertain for him.

He pulled away from you as he held you cheek, wiping your tears with his thumb.

" Cher?.. " he softly called out to you as the both of you stared on each other's eye.

You took a deep breath as you closed your eyes, a few tears dropping your eyes as you leaned into his touch.

" I don't know whether should I trust you or not.. I still feel uncertain. " you muttered as you held his hand that was resting on your cheek.

" then give it a time, I will wait mon cheri, even if it takes a century, I will wait, if it means I could be with you again. I don't mind courting you again, and again. " he smiled warmly. Your heart flutters once you saw his genuine smile.

You were silent for a moment before removing his hand from your cheek.

" .. Ok. " that was all you can manage to say as you pulled away from him.

" just tell me when you ready to try again mon cheri. " he cupped your chin and tilted it to face him. You gave out a nod as he felt his lips on your forehead making you froze. This is probably the first intimate thing he did in your whole existence.

" I'll wait for you. " he hummed against your forehead before going in for another kiss.

He let go of you as he took a step back with a the same smile before he melts into the shadows. You stared at the spot where he vanished before placing a hand on your forehead and thought, are you going to regret this?

#hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor the radio demon #x reader #alastor x reader angst #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel angst #ˠ . ° . 𝘕𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢! 𖤐

[black-lake]

astro observations 7

hey everyone, got some new observations and random astro thoughts 👽 🔭

——

🧊 The strongest aspects to the nodes in terms how obvious their effect can be, are squares then trines esp with tight orbs. They strongly activate the planet involved and the effect becomes very clear in how things unfold or manifest. e.g sun square or tine nn is more obvious to others, their personality is much more vibrant and noticeable. The conj/opp aspects are stronger but tricky to see, because they can mean something personal to the native, something karmic or unpredictable, like two people can have that aspect but have it manifest completely differently.

🧊 Saturn 11th could mean having to learn many of your life lessons through the internet or social media. Could be by observing people online and learning new things. These natives have felt alone majority of their lives and social media kept their company. May go through difficult experiences, like online bullying or feel rejected online. They eventually learn the sweet nonchalance and the importance of self love, that they don't care when people leave them or dislike them, because the ones that are meant to stay will stay. (This may apply to ppl w a stellium in the 11th, or chiron 11th).

🧊 Those who have saturn-nn aspects may have been involved with the law/governments or have fought for something that has to do with legal matters and order. Especially for or against their family. They aren't afraid to take it to court if it means regaining their rights. They tend to win cases because they have a strong sense of justice. If negatively aspected or dealt with, they may need to watch out for that, or for their need to put someone down using the law.

🧊 Venus in aries woman also like the friends before lovers dynamic, just like aqua. They prefer to be friends with guys first and can flirt with them until it evolves into a relationship. They’re also comfortable with masculine energy way more than feminine so they tend to make friends with boys a lot. Also they're not impulsive in love as they're said to be, if they choose someone it's because they found that physical chemistry, passion, youthfulness, independence, and loyalty in them, which they rarely do and they'd rather stay solo.

🧊 Thinking about how astrology signs and houses have a connection to our body, like from aries or 1st being the head, taurus or 2nd being the neck, gemini or 3rd being arms hands, cancer or 4th being the chest area, leo or 5th being the heart space, virgo or 6th being the stomach area, libra or 7th being the kidneys and lower back, scorpio or 8th being the the genitals, sagittarius or 9th being the thighs, capricorn or 10th being the knees and other bones, aquarius or 11th being the calves and ankles, and all the way down to pisces or 12th being the feet. I just find it fascinating. I know there are other body parts ruled by these signs, but I'm particularly pointing at the way it goes in order, from head to feet which is really interesting to think about, like how coincidental could that be? it makes it real.

🧊 Through learning more about astrology and how it relates to body parts, you can use that to heal and soothe your body. If you have pisces in your chart you may benefit from soaking your feet in water with salt or soap for stress relief, and grounding, being in water in general, music and rhythms could be healing too. If you have capricorn you may like to run a lot, exercise a better posture, chiropractic treatment, spend money on skincare and your dental care. If you have Leo placements, take care of your generous heart, your hair, go outside and get you vitamin d, massage your shoulders and upper back. I can do a whole post about that.

🧊 Speaking of that — I think there is so much more undiscovered in astrology. Way more info that is waiting to be discovered. We haven't been discovering much lately. I mean uranus was discovered in the 700s, neptune 800s, pluto 900s, and these were the official discoveries. The more we discover planets, galaxies or other yet to name objects, the more we discover things about our lives, and how everything in the universe is connected and affects our experience on earth. I just wanna reincarnate 700 years later and see to what extent things evolved, or maybe that's a short period. 

🧊 What if aliens are studying earth as an outer planet which may mean something particular to them just like we study say Jupiter and Saturn as planets with certain themes. Who knows what’s going on up there. But yeah this page is getting weirder by the day... I- sry 👀

🧊 I’m one of those that would skip the big three and jump right at north node aspects fr (all including minor aspects). I want to know a person’s life journey and potential before their personality traits. It can tell a lot about destiny, what comes naturally to us and where we need growth and even about our past lives. 

🧊 Consider meghan stallion whose chart I recently saw. The moment I saw it, I thought it couldn't be more fitting and clear. With mercury square nn, she had a urge to use her voice early on, her mercury is something that should be utilized, she raps and writes music. Mercury conjunct uranus, it's the unique ability to sing, rap and make music, a creative mind. Pallas opposite nn, she got a lot of natural charisma with her talents, she radiates confidence and strength which makes her liked. (also pallas-nn aspects can make someone influential). Venus sextile nn, she is well liked and has a lot of charm, she may do smth related to beauty. 

🧊 I don’t usually consider cusps in astrology when it comes to signs, it depends on whether I see the influence or not, I rarely do. But I def look at house cusps (especially asc, dsc, mc and ic). That axis, the end of a house and the beginning of the next is so important to look at, not just degrees but planets there. When planets are at the cusp of a house (up to 7°), it influences both houses i noticed. e.g. If saturn is on the cusp of the 8th and 9th then both houses are significant to look at, it could mean lessons related to studies, resources, travel, inner transformation, connections.. etc. Same with saturn on the cusp of the 11th and 12th, lessons related to friendships, hopes and dreams, the collective, loneliness, spirituality... etc. 

🧊 Planets conj/opp your asc or mc are a big part of how you appear to the world. They can overpower your asc or mc signs at times especially before you introduce yourself and have a proper talk with someone. Once they know you personally they'll pick up on the ascendant sign traits. Strangers or the ones that don’t know you will pick up on the planet's energy before the sign. e.g. if you have uranus conjunct asc or mc, no matter the ascendant your uranus qualities will be more visible to others. If you have more than one planet conj/opp then you could give off different impressions to different people. I have uranus conjunct mc and pluto opposite ascendant, I've had some see me as eccentric, detached and some others as mysterious, powerful. This applies to planets in 1st and 10th.

🧊 The most difficult moon signs are capricorn, scorpio, aquarius and virgo. They know what it feels like to be emotionally drained, yet empty. They'd rather not show emotion, even scorpios don't show a fraction of the range of emotions they experience. They deal with it differently, but they all put on a cold front, even with themselves, seeming unemotional, especially the saturians. They sometimes don’t know how to show the depth, wisdom and caring heart they have, but they damn sure know how to work hard and be that special person. They add so much to the world but they don’t feel like they fairly get any back. Each of these signs have distinct traits of their own but I applaud y’all. The most interesting to observe truly. 

🧊 Also with these moon signs, their mother may have been a challenging figure in their lives, she may have been either critical, controlling, egoistical, cold or just absent in some way. They likely didn't have an easy childhood to say the least.

🧊 The moon is what we inherit from the mother and it's exactly how we develop those traits, and how we essentially... treat her back. So if the mommy of a cap moon child thought she could be overbearing, cold and expect the unexpected from her child, she can be met with an advanced level of coldness and authority from her grown child, thanks to her. Same with a virgo moon child's mother, if she thought she could be critical and compare them to literally anything and judge the hell out of their existence, they would give her a neat taste of her medicine, sharper criticism backed with better facts. The mother also learns a lot from her children through their moon sign. This applies to all moons.

🧊 I noticed that scorpio placements don't find it easy to change or let go of things (unless they have many pluto aspects). I met many scorpio ppl and they tend to hold on to the past, tightly. Many of them told me they hate moving out. It depends on other placements tho, if mixed with capricorn or earth, they are sooo traditional and stubborn my god. If mixed with air, they're less to hold on. Pluto placements and aspects are the actual phoenixes, they embrace every part of their transformation process, they burn things to ashes and emerge stronger, I love seeing it.

🧊 Every time I meet a pisces moon person, they have some unusual quirks to them. They can have this awkward yet charismatic behavior, like wtf was that, but you stare at their watery eyes. Pisces moon men esp, the weirdest sense of humor 🤚s down, but you can't help it cuz it's cute. Which is why they can trick and manipulate you cuz you thought they were innocent *pleading emoji*.  

🧊 Quintiles and bi-quintiles give me an aquarius vibe, they hold such a unique energy to them, a different connection between the planets. Quintiles to the nodes or mc, it's so refreshing and special whatever that quality you got, it may even be addictive to others (sun, venus, neptune quintile nn). Check if you have asteroids quintile the nodes, you may benefit from tapping in to the potential they hold and utilizing it.

🧊 Whatever house pluto is in it’s where you got power that you needed to learn to take back. It was gained eventually through being taken away from you or not seen by you. The power of realizing the effect you have over the themes of a certain house which activates it.

🧊 Some examples, pluto 10th, how people see you publicly may not be who you are at home. The accusations or assumptions, the jealousy and maybe even manipulations about your career choices made you feel powerless at times but it’s where your power lies. As soon as they discover that it's up to them to decide who they are publicly, they take back that power and show up in the public as an unstoppable force, changing the world. Pluto 7th, the constant mirroring of people’s shadows, the projections, the lies or manipulations that happened in their relationships made the native feel powerless in connections and over the way they see or present themselves. Once they embrace the way they appear and connect with others, a new sense of strength and power is awakened in them and they radiate that even more strongly, this time unapologetically. 

---

bonus - asteroids obs ⚛︎

🧊 People that have charisma (627) in a fire sign stand out when they're taking action, they naturally radiate that leadership vibe, others expect them to take imitative with things especially if it's in aries, they have that youthful go getter vibe. If it's in leo they're seen as very influential and others follow their lead. If in sag they're seen as funny and joyous to be around, everyone wants to be with them. 

🧊 Asteroid aura (1488) can show you what colors and styles look good on you, check the sign, degree and house. If it's in an earth sign, those earthy colors, greens, browns, formal, vintage. dark academia styles. If in a fire sign, those fiery vibrant colors, colorful sparkly makeup, casual yet bold looks. In an air sign, classy or street looks, patterns and accessories, youthful styles. If in a water sign, dreamy flowy fabrics, neutral colors, blues and purples, jewels.

🧊 Also check the planets it aspects, say aura is in pisces conj saturn then you can incorporate those dreamy looks in a saturnian typa way, e.g. I imagine a man in a bright silk shirt with brown vintage pants, a matching jacket, and a pearl choker, something ethereal but earthy at the same time. 

🧊 Asteroid sirene (1009) in scorpio, aspecting pluto or in the 8th could make someone have an extremely alluring presence like you would want to stare for long to understand their vibes but you won't. I also find it alluring if it's in capricorn, aquarius or pisces. 

🧊 Asteroid meesters (10647) and talent (33154) in aquarius or the 11th could mean creating or inventing something new in your field, having or mastering a unique or rare skill. This can also mean recognition for a unique talent. Aspecting nn can mean you mastered some talents in a past life or will in this life.

-- I had these for so long in my notes, but I just felt inspired to post, forgive me. 🐯🫶

#astro observations #astrology #astrology aspects #astrology placements #astro notes #north node aspects #saturn 11th #saturn aspects #saturn-north node #aries venus #north node #uranus #neptune #pluto #pallas aspects #mercury square north node #mercury conjunct uranus #house cusps #ascendant aspects #mc aspects #uranus conjunct mc #moon signs #capricorn moon #aquarius moon #scorpio moon #virgo moon #pisces moon #quintile #pluto 10th #pluto 7th

[icanseethefuture333]

Glamour Witch 🕯

A guide to confidence, beauty, & self love 🪞🩰🦢🍒💌

How I made glamour magick efficient for me and why working with the goddess Aphrodite shifted my self concept + help me connect to the divine feminine 🕊

First let's do a back story on my relationship with my matron 🌸:

My spiritual awakening happened when I was 17 years old after experiencing the loss of a loved one and coping with past trauma. I went into my adolescence with fear, agony, and poor self esteem. I was very much so a tomboy as a teenager (to this day I still have masculine qualities that I am now proud of and balanced it with my feminine side) but I was so out of touch with what being a "girl" was. I felt really self conscious about not being "woman" enough and had a complicated view on my gender (since I realized I was nonbinary at 14). I became interested in the occult since I grew up in a spiritual household (crystals, manifestation, etc) but never really got to engage with things like tarot or witchcraft because it was considered taboo. I had a reading done one day and I was told that Aphrodite wanted to work with me as my deity. My teenage self was confused by this because I thought - "The goddess of beauty and love wanted to work with me? Well that can't be right." I was expecting something more dark or cool like Hades or Hermes or whatever because that was just my personal style since I dressed very alternatively. I was nervous, but also intrigued. As I begun to pray to her and started doing spellwork - I felt safe, I felt loved, it was like a mother watching over me. I started learning how to do makeup for my ethnic features and became more educated about fashion and what it means to really be a true feminist. I learned to say fuck the binary system and made my own definition of not what just being a "woman" is but also what being "feminine" meant to me, period. You can be whatever you want to be and be beautiful regardless of what your appearance is like. Some days I want to wear snapbacks and sneakers, other times I wanna wear high heels with a flattering dress. I do what makes me feel comfortable and that's nobody's business but mine. Society made us believe that being sensitive, caring, or intuitive - the traits of the divine feminine (which we have in us all) as bad when it's not. There's strength in being soft and delicate. Be gentle towards yourself, my loves.

Embrace your shadow self to manifest your dream life ✨️:

You know what people will never tell you or admit to you on social media? Is that you can be self conscious and still be confident at the same time. Confidence is just being comfortable with yourself and knowing despite what you've been through or are feeling in the moment, it should not hold you back from achieving your fullest potential. Like Megan Thee Stallion said "Bad bitches have bad days too" And it's true! I have my good days and then I have my bad days, but even when I'm doubting or losing my faith, I always get back up by keep going. Why? It's because if I stop then I'm not living. I'm not being grateful for the life I still have while there are people out there battling severe illnesses and don't have much time left. Nobody wants to be candid and only want to portray themselves as perfect, when nobody is. It's a damaging narrative to think you have to be popping on social media and always staying positive. I don't know why being vulnerable is such a stigma these days. Everyone is scared of being hurt, sure, but there is so much power in knowing what you makes you happy and being able to voice what your wants/needs are. You get to live for yourself and not what others want you to be. Not to mention the importance of having the power and ability to set the boundaries your inner child probably never got to have?! I'm so tired of people spreading the belief of that you shouldn't talk about mental health, trauma, or personal fears because it makes you seem "weak" or "easy prey". That is the same tactics abusers use to make their victims stay hushed and makes them not able to stand up for themselves. That way of thinking is victim blaming! If you as a person, feel brave enough to discuss what the fuck is going on in your mind that does not make you a weakling, that makes you strong as hell. They are the weak ones for taking advantage of people who were already suffering. It's time to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and acknowledge what happened, but do not let it control you. You don't have to let go or get over it, it's okay if it's still a wound for you but you can choose to make it better by creating a better future by working with your higher self. Think about who you want to be, how you want to appear, what career you aspire to have, etc. Either write it down, visualize, or make a vision board. Release the old version of you and thank them for helping you survive.

I have been reading the book Mirror Work by Louise Hay and it entails about how the negative things people said or the difficult experiences we had dealt with in our lifetime gets stored in our subconscious mind. When we make jokes that are self depreciating or engage in self degrading behavior, it harms us even more, preventing us from maturing or loving ourselves. Doing shadow work is uncomfortable for everyone but it is a must to process the patterns in your life and learn as to why you become the person you are today. Being aware of your triggers and what makes you tick. Can make you more emotionally intelligent and be able to have a healthier conversation as well as creating lasting positive connections.

Books I recommend for subconscious reprogramming, shadow work, & healing from trauma:

Mirror Work by Louise Hay

"The Courage to" book series by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The Self Confidence Workbook by Barbara Markway & Celia Ampel

Psychology of The Unconscious by Dr. Carl Jung

It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn

You can also find shadow work prompts on pinterest.

Don't just say it, do it! 11 ways to actually practice self care:

Making a goal and actually putting the effort in can be tough for some individuals, especially for those diagnosed with depression. That's why it's important to be patient with yourself and understand that healing is a journey, not a race! A youtuber I have been enjoying and watching lately is the critically acclaimed, thewizardliz: An Iranian woman who gives advice on confidence, discipline, and more! A video that I watched of hers recently was called and bluntly titled: "How to stop being lazy & pathetic". In most of liz's videos she is someone who is tough but is also tender. She explains that when we are procrastinating it's because we are thinking of just the end goal, which scares us and makes us overthink about what to do or how to do it. When really, we can just take small, simple steps at a time to reach towards what we wish yo accomplish, so that way it will feel less intimidating. If you have a essay that's due for example, try to write a few sentences each day, or think about how good it would feel if you were to get a good grade on your paper. Think of it this way - Would you rather slack and be upset you failed? Or would you rather prevent that from happening so you can be proud of what you achieved? Figure out what motivates you as a person and write it down so you can always be reminded of the confident being you wish to become.

Journaling: This is such a crucial hobby that I believe everyone should have. Writing down your thoughts or feelings helps not only increases your intelligence and brain health, but it also helps navigate your feelings better when you are facing a problem. You are able to reflect inward and discover the different parts of your psyche that you never knew you had.

Art: Divine feminine energy embodies the source of creation and life. The same way people with wombs give birth to children, an artist's project can be their beautiful baby. Find what type of art form brings you peace and allows you to express yourself (poetry, songwriting, dancing, painting, woodcarving, etc).

Exercise: I know this is something that some people struggle with (me included 💀) and when people hear that it's like "Ugh, I don't wanna work out! It's too hard!" but just hear me out okay? We have to exercise so our internal organs can stay healthy. When we don't take care of ourselves by not at least taking 15 minutes out of our day by owalking, exercising, or cardio, when there is 24 hours in a day... That is a major neglect to yourself. Just remember that it is a privilege that you still have the ability to move, jump, lift, run, squat, and even more. When there are people who suffer from chronic pain and disabilities that are still making sure to take care of their physical health because they have no other choice. When you think about how you're too "lazy" and you can't do it because of your "laziness", think of those people! Cherish the health that you have before it's too late. You can start by stretching, going for walks, or watching workout videos for beginners on YouTube.

Build a schedule: Having a routine is so important because it helps reduce stress and organizes the task that we have to do throughout our day. Make a sleep schedule for yourself as well. Going to bed late until 3 am in the morning or waking up too early is unsafe and makes you less alert when you are out in the world. So please be careful! Try to at least get 6 hours of sleep a day. Drinking tea, taking a warm bath, or using essential oils can help you fall asleep if you don't like using melatonin.

Cleanliness & Hygiene: It's unfortunate that I have to say this but some people were not taught by their parents on how to be clean. Or how cishet men feel that being hygienic is "gay". That's absurd! Everyone should have a clean house, clean body, and a good hygiene routine. There is no excuse for that. Even when I was depressed I still would get up to brush my teeth or wash my hair because I knew that if I were to ever go too long without taking care of my hygiene I'd have to deal with damaging my teeth, hair, or skin. Everything has a cause and effect when you neglect doing self care and that could also be apart of the reason why you feel so down about your looks is due to that lack of poor hygiene. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant or you need to do a 10 step skincare routine all the time. You can buy beauty products for cheap at off price retail stores and combs, toothbrushes, etc, at the dollar store. All you gotta do is wash your face and shower daily (scrub in between your ass cheeks, please and thank you 💀), brush your teeth at least 3 or more times a day, moisturize with lotions, use a sunscreen (cus nobody got time for skin cancer), apply deodorant, and that's literally it. You can use toners, serums, and skin treatments if you feel like iy but it's not neccessary unless you have specific concerns (acne, wrinkles, etc).

Personal finance 💵: As a Capricorn ♑️, there is nothing more important to me than having my own money. Knowing how to budget and being responsible with your funds is so crucial. You can manifest prosperity and be wealthy, but if you don't know what to do with a million dollars, how could you ever receive it? It is so attractive when someone is wise with their money. I took elective classes in high school for commercial art, marketing, and personal finance so that way I could learn to how to be independent as an adult and not have to "hustle" or live the struggle life. Always take care of your household bills (utilities, repairs, gas for the car, etc.) first and then leave a certain amount for yourself for when you want to have fun, go shopping, etc. Learn about how to make an investment, as well as stocks, because that is another way that you can make a lot of money (and no I don't mean Crypto or NFTs 😭)

Education is key 📚: READ HEAUXS REEEEAD 👓 Make those sapiosexuals quiver with your big sexy brain 🧠. I just feel like in general we need to be knowledgeable about our history and *Jaden Smith voice* the political state of the world right now. Being dismissive and ignorant is a major turn off. You have to be able to know how to communicate in certain settings or talk about certain subjects, or else you're gonna just look and sound dumb. I don't care if you like to read about insects or flowers, just find a topic that interests you.

Boundaries: A simple way to start implementing self care into your daily routine is by being able to say "Yes." Or "No." I know for women it is hard to assert themselves and say no especially when there is a grimy ass man tryna flirt with you (ayoooo shawty 🤓), but for your own protection you gotta do it. When people know you are not stern and you are not able to defend yourself, they take advantage of that. It makes you an easy target. Let's say for a example, you have a overbearing parent that constantly drains and takes from your energy. This parent doesn't respect you and makes you feel bad about yourself because you let them. When they ask you for something, you can just say; "Thank you but I will not be doing that. It would be an inconvenience for me right now because I have to focus on ___" or "I would prefer not to do that because I have to do ___ this week and it's very important". Even if it's not anything actually important, still say no. Another example is if you have a friend that's toxic and is not elevating you in any type of way (mentally, emotionally, or finacially). Then tell them that and cut them off. You are not obligated to stay around anyone who brings you down. Here is a list of ways to set boundaries professionally. Also learn to stop over apologizing here is what you can do instead. Margot Robbie learned to say "Thank you" instead of saying "sorry" because of Barbie.

Meditation 🧘🏽‍♀️: A useful skill in embracing your thoughts, whether they are positive or negative, to help in finding your inner zen. Meditation was something that was tricky for me at first. Most people say to "empty your mind and be still" when meditating and for someone with ADHD, I was like... "Umm, this is boring 💀???" but overtime I tried it a few times again and have grown to appreciate it! I learned that meditation was actually quite helpful for me, especially when I felt burdened with too many tasks, or was dealing racing thoughts. It just really helped me calm down, especially when I was feeling overwhelmed (for people who experience sensory overloads I highly recommend!). I no longer feel ashamed or fearful of when a intrusive thought crosses my mind. I just simply let that thought pass through and go on about my day. The average young adult has over 6,000 thoughts a day, so why would I give something so meaningless power? I am in control of myself and what I react to. For this, it will allow you to do the same.

Spend time with a loved one: I'm sure we all have someone who we consider our comfort person or a special pet that makes us feel calm. Humans are animals, sometimes we need that social interaction to stay sane during troubling times. Make a phone call, text, or plan to meet up with a friend or family member this week. Maybe even step out of your comfort zone and ask an acquaintance out for lunch.

Be brave: Remember what I said about stepping out of your comfort zone? That's right. It's time to stop living life of regrets and live a life of excitement. I want you to think about something you've been really wanting to do lately but haven't pursued it yet because of fear, doubt, or limiting beliefs. Take a deep breath and release it to the universe, your spirit guides, or any deity that you worship. Maybe there is a person you have a crush that you have been wanting to ask out lately or have been wanting to dye your hair a new color but were afraid of how it would turn out. Whatever it is, just have courage to go after what you want for once. For being brave is just about taking a leap of faith, even when you are scared.

How to awaken your inner goddess ✨️:

Loving yourself shouldn't be a chore, it should be a ritual baby 😌! Now for my beginner witches or practioners in closed practices. I know it can be intimidating to start doing deity work. That's why you have to take things slow and go at your own pace. I always recommend starting with doing a cleansing (burning incense, spraying florida water, etc) or a protection spell before doing any other kind of magick. Even though yes, I do worship Aphrodite, it is not neccessary for people to only go to her for a "glow up". There are sooooo many deities who are also gods or goddesses of love, beauty, etc. Naturally, a deity will show you signs that they wish to work with you, so makw sure to be on the look out for that!

Also if you are a woman of color like mwuahhh 😘 then here are a list of deities that also represent love, confidence, beauty, fertility, & creativity in African, Asian, Indigenous, & Pacific Islander religions:

Oshun (closed practice / Yoruba)

Yenaya (closed practice / Yoruba)

Hathor

Bastet

Isis

Astarte

Rati (Hinduism)

Lakshimi (Hinduism)

弁才天 / Benzaiten (Japanese Buddhism)

자청비 / Jacheongbi

仰阿莎 / Yang Asha

Liễu Hạnh

Mayari

Laka

Xochiquetzal

Estsanatlehi

Other deities are:

Apollo, Cupid, Eros, Priapus, Min, Brigid, & Dionyus

There is also ascended masters, saints, archangels, ancestors, & spirit guides that you can connect with. I recommend building a relationship with your ancestors first.

How to talk your deity:

Create an altar for them or a sacred space.

Cleanse the area to avoid interacting with trickster spirits.

Place offerings on the table (make sure to look up what offerings they like!).

Light a candle or burn incense for them.

Write them a letter or pray. You can ask them for help with your specific needs or just talk to them about your day or how you are currently feeling.

BE CONSISTENT! Deities are not one of your little friends, they are gods/goddesses. Show them respect by praying, including them in spellwork, and giving them offerings frequently (they are understanding if you cannot give them food or drinks all the time though if you cannot afford it).

The final boss, The Enchantress 🔮❄️:

"SHADOW MONEY WIZARD GANGGG! We love casting spells 😈"

Alright, alright. I know you guys were reading all this thinking "Bitch where tf is the tutorial??? 😭" BUT WHAT I HAD TO SAY WAS IMPORTANT SO YOU CAN HAVE LONG TERM RESULTS 💀! Here is the moment you've all been waiting forrr 🤭!

101 on Glamour Magick:

The days of the week are connected to the planets.

Friday is a good day for casting love and beauty spells since it's ruler is Venus. While on Monday you can cast spells for healing & enhancing psychic powers, since it's ruler is the Moon. Thursday's ruler is Jupiter so you can cast spells for money and prosperity.

Buy a mirror that is for your special use only (If someone ends up accidently using it it's okay nothing bad will happen to them). Spray it with a window cleaner and wipe it down counter clockwise, say what your intention is for the mirror as you clean it. You can buy any kind of mirror you like (compact mirror, hand held mirror, desktop mirror, etc).

You can use your mirror for scrying or seeing into the future (divination).

When doing your mirror work, look into your eyes, and affirm to yourself. It can be anything you wish to say. Just let it flow naturally. It might feel uncomfortable at first but as you continue to practice it you will feel more confident about it.

Include your deity while affirming. (When I do this, I show appreciation to Aphrodite, and thank her for blessing me with such beauty and grace. Even when in the moment I don't have the results I wish to see, I know it is going to happen because I have faith in her.)

Ask your ancestors what their beauty rituals and regimes were. Doing routines that your ancestors did will create a closer bond with them and also build confidence in your ethnic features.

Items that are represented as love: roses, cinnamon, honey, sugar, vanilla, coriander, basil, chamomile, carnations, tulips, lockets, keys, & hearts

Items that are represented as beauty: cowrie shells, orchids, peony, ribbons, veils, & bows

Items that help enhance intuition: seashells, conch shells, rosemary, lotuses, & feathers

Chinese guashas & jade rollers help reduce stress, tension, and puffiness in your facial muscles. It can also help sculpt your face.

African waistbeads were worn by women under their clothes to help slim their waist and also attract love. Depending on the crystals used, it would also help manifest abundance.

Some beauty crystals used for love, beauty, & intuition are: Rose quartz, jade, pink tourmaline, moonstone, amethyst, selenite, garnet, carnelian, and turquoise.

You can carve sigils or symbols onto your candle, an easy one to use is the venus symbol ♀️.

A list of meanings for the scents of the candle, wax, or deodorizer in your home. Here is the list for incense.

Candles are great to seal your spell jars or use on their own for magick.

A list of different burning sticks you can use (smudging, white sage, and Palo Santo is a closed practice)

The scent of your perfume can be used for seduction or attracting love/popularity.

Soap, shampoo, or conditioner can be used to cleanse your energy.

Ingredients in foods, cleaning, haircare, skincare, or beauty products can have magical properties that you can attract towards you or your home. (I.E: Lavendar for peace & tranquility, Lemon for warding off negative energy, & Vanilla for love)

"The hair theory" trend is a form of glamour magick. Doing your hair differently can create a new persona and change how people perceive you.

Depending on your hair color it can represent the elements.

Your hair texture can symbolize what power you have: Coily hair grows upward and rises towards the sun. When using their awareness, they are highly observant and courageous. Coily hair has the fire element. Curly hair breaks hexes and spiritually protects the mind. Due to it's volume and resemblance to a cloud, it has the air element. People with wavy hair are intuitive, affectionate, and sensitive, their element is water. Straight hair is the most connected to the earth. People with this hair texture can be introverted, dependable, and grounded.

Your hair length signifies your current state of energy.

Short hair is connected to father sky.

Long hair is connected to mother earth.

It is best to cut your hair when you are in need of releasing stress, anguish, and turmoil.

You can set your intentions into the hair that you braid.

Black people can cornrow patterns or symbols onto their scalp for manifestation.

Locs symbolize freedom and wisdom from the ancestors.

Twists can be used for spiritual binding.

Read here for more on hair witchcraft & hair astrology.

Wearing headscarves, hijabs, bonnets, durags, or hats can protect you from the evil eye or if you're an empath, it can protect your energy from being drained in public spaces.

Do not make any physical changes during a Venus retrograde.

Plastic surgery can alter one's identity. It is like putting on a different mask. It can become an addiction to people who feel lost in life. While for others it can give them a new path to start on.

You can paint sigils or symbols for nail art.

The nail shape you have or get done at a salon can correspond to Onychomancy (https://www.tiktok.com/@taisoleil/video/7035737221068082479?_t=8etXLhtR3LH&_r=1)

You can also use yours or other's eyebrows for divination.

Straight eyebrows: someone who is level headed. Round eyebrows: someone who is compassionate with a kind heart. Arched eyebrows: someone who is independent. Thick eyebrows: someone who can be stubborn and goal oriented. Thin eyebrows: someone who is bold and daring. No eyebrows: someone who is a risk taker and can be careless. The unibrow: symbolizes good luck, fertility, & serendipity.

Your eyelashes are for good luck (which is why people make a wish on fallen lashes, they are similar to dandelions).

Different lash styles can be used as a "barricade".

Manga/spiked lashes: makes you appear pure & innocent, can get away with stuff more. Fluffy lashes: depending on the thickness, it can resemble a spider, therefore can cause someone to have a intensive aura. Cat/hybrid lashes: Increase in clairvoyance, see past the 3D, and have the senses of a feline. Natural lashes: The gaze will be comforting and welcoming to others, they can see into your soul.

Your eye color can mean what powers you have for spells. Colored contacts can create a different outcome.

Glasses can be used for insight and enlightenment. While sunglasses or shades, can make you more mysterious/hide your identity.

For those with periods, cycle syncing can help with increasing productivity.

Depending on your body shape, weight, & features it could symbolize your status in society.

In ancient Greece, people who were voluptuous with plump bellies were seen as healthy & rich. It was a sign of being well fed and treated like royalty.

In Africa & Southeast Asia, long necks signify having dignity & elegance.

Being tall could be seen as powerful, while being short could be seen as delicate. If you are average height, you could be seen as harmonious.

Physiognomy is the method of using the face & body for divination. In China, it is a popular method for readings.

Moles, birthmarks, & skin tags are believed to be the sign of being a Witch.

Vitiligo can mean spiritual purification & finding beauty in your imperfections.

It has been said that freckles are kisses from the angels. These people themselves can be described as earth angels or have a closer connection with archangels.

The form of your freckles can symbolize different things. If they form in a straight line, it could mean you are a focused person. If they are scattered, you like to go with the flow in life. If your freckles come and go during the seasons, you like to experience change or excitement often in your life.

Freckles & beauty marks overall show signs of a person having a unique character.

The clothing you wear can have a mystical effect.

Baggy/layered clothing: spiritually protective. Revealing clothing: free spirited & alluring. Patterned clothing: Makes you illusive or hard to decipher. Animal print clothing: embodies the energy of said animal (I.E: Tiger print would make you appear cunning & fierce). Colorful clothing: your spirit will seem more youthful & vivacious.

The shoes you wear can make you walk into new opportunities unexpectedly.

You can keep a piece of paper that has a spell in your shoes for good luck or attracting your desire.

Buying shoes and watches for your romantic partner is bad luck in hoodoo (Shoes can make someone walk out the door and leave forever. While watches can make someone look at the time they have left with you.)

Earrings can help you hear what others say about you or what gossip is going around. (I heard the most compliments the other day while wearing my gold hoops 💫)

A necklace that has a charm or crystal can be used as a tailsmans, amulet, or pendulum.

Wearing rings on which hand or finger could enhance your abilities.

The same way there is money bowls, you can also make love or beauty bowls, or even use your jewelry box.

You can use color magick when doing your makeup or choosing an outfit.

Primer, lotions/moisturizers, body butters, oils, and gels can be used for sigils.

Foundation is for stability and being secure with yourself.

Concealer "cloaks" or "veils" your weaknesses or insecurities.

Contour makes space and structure for your desire.

Eyeliner can be used as a tool. It wards off negative spirits & people with bad intentions.

In ancient Egypt, the use of Kohl represented rank and achievement.

Mascara can be used to give you a different perspective in things or make you more open minded.

Eyeshadow enhances your eyes & brings more depth or dimension. Makes your gaze hypnotic & enticing like a siren's.

Highlighter shines your best qualities.

Bronzer makes your presence more warm & friendly

Blush is for playfulness, youthfulness, flirtation, and vitality.

The lip product you use can speak your desires into fruition. It also make your words sound more beautiful. People will want to listen more because they will feel attracted to your voice.

Lip gloss: makes your intentions "stick" to you. Lipstick: Leaves a "mark" on your target (especially if it's someone you fancy 💋). Lip stain: makes your words have a permanent effect on people, they won't forget you. Flavored lip balms: makes your kisses addicting.

Powder enhances your spell & adds a touch of good luck.

Setting spray finishes the spell.

528 Hz is the frequency of love.

Listening to frequencies, music, & subliminals can attract your desires.

You can make a playlist for your deity or ancestors to channel messages from them.

Here are some celebrities who used mirror work or glamour magick to manifest:

Beyoncé's Renaissance album has themes of having a good self concept, knowing your worth, manifesting self love & abundance.

Marilyn Monroe used visualization & affirmations to manifest her beauty and fame: “I daydreamed chiefly about beauty. I dreamed of myself becoming so beautiful that people would turn to look at me when I passed.”

Michael Jackson would keep sticky notes and a diary full of affirmations in his room by his mirror: “I'm beautiful (4x). I'm gorgeous. [Bad..?] Is for me, who can be against me? I'm beautiful. I'm a new person now. Beautiful, knowing the secret, and determined with fire[?] to move mountains in all I do. Molding my own world. I'm beautiful. The old me is behind. I will much ahead anew. - MJ”

Alexa Demie stated in a interview with Vogue that she would say affirmations in the mirror daily in the morning and it helped her manifest clear skin: “I have beautiful, clear, acne-free, scar-free skin.”

Princess Nokia is a bruja and is well known for her constant change in appearance: “Casting spells with my cousins / I'm the head of this coven / I'm a shapeshifting bitch, you don't know who you loving.”

Thanks so much for reading, I wish you all the best of luck on your journey 🤍🤍🤍

#witchcraft #witches of color #witches of tumblr #love spell #glamour magick #mirror work #spell work #astrology #astro observations #pac #pick a card #affirmations #law of assumption #manifestation #ascendant #rising sign #desired appearance #shadow work #tarot #astrology observations #free readings #divine feminine #Aphrodite #hoodoo #greek mythology #orisha #oshun #yemaya #deity work #apollo

[odderevents]

I have had a thought. Steve secretly knowing how to play the piano bc he learned as a kid and had to stop bc his dad's an asshole is lovely. I've seen this floating around a few times and I love it. Eddie catching him playing the piano and being so fucking in love with him will never not be perfect.

But.

Consider

Steve playing the Harp.

It's definitely a rich kid instrument. Big ass fucking impractical instrument. Absolutely beautiful to look at and listen to. Hands playing piano is great. But have you ever seen an accomplished harpist? It makes you think impure thoughts about what those fingers can do.

So. Steve secretly knowing how to play the harp

Maybe his mom used to play it, so there's a big harp (the ones with the columns and super intricate base board, not celtic) that's just gathering dust in the basement. Steve started piano lessons, loved learning how to pull music out of an inert object. But his dad decides it's to effeminate, makes him stop. And sure, a harp is a different beast to a piano. But you've still got cords, and Steve's got a pretty decent ear, and he can barely remember seeing his mom play. So one day when he has the house to himself, which isn't an unusual occurrence at this point, he tries it out. And he's admittedly pretty shit at it, but so was he at piano when he started. Only difference is he has no teacher.

So maybe Steve discreetly finds a way to acquire a beginner's practice instructional book for harp. And works on it when he needs to get his brain away from things.

He's even more careful with it than he is with any dirty mags he might later acquire. He knows that worse, much worse than piano, harp is not a masculine instrument and under no circumstances should his father find out about his affinity for it.

It's still his go to when he can't sleep even years later, pulling out the now old and battered booklet of sheet music and exercises. Especially once the upside down bullshit starts. It's soothing and mindless at this point.

The harp that was much too big when he first started with it is now just the right size, it's weight against his shoulder comforting. He can close his eyes and his fingers naturally find where to land and pluck.

Even when he becomes friends with Robbin and then Eddie, both musicians who he knows wouldn't give a damn about him playing a woman's instrument, he can't bring himself to mention it. If he did, they would want to hear him play and he's self-conscious about being self-taught. Both of them play well, they play with other people and people come to listen. He doesn't consider himself a "real" musician. It's just something he does to keep his hands and brain busy on nights where the sheets feel like they're strangling him and the dark reminds him too much of when he can't see not because it's night but because something's hit him in the head again and he can't tell apart the sound of his heartbeat from something pounding through his walls.

So he goes to the basement. Finds his stool. Removes the dust cover. Goes through the meditative motions of tuning it by ear, because that's how he's always done it. And then he plays until the tips of his fingers feel numb. Somehow, he always comes out of it peaceful enough to pass out on the couch in the basement for a couple more hours.

Steve is so used to keeping it a secret he doesn't even think about it when he starts dating Eddie. It's just a thing that's always only been his, and most importantly, it's been vital to keep it that way for so long it's the natural state of things for Steve at this point. It doesn't ever come up. When Steve gets nightmares when he's sleeping with Eddie all he has to do is curl into his boyfriend's chest and feel the warm heartbeat that's not his own to settle back into himself.

The problem arises on a night when Eddie was supposed to stay with Steve but he got held up in Indianapolis when getting a new amp for his guitar. He would come back to Steve but it would be late in the night. Steve has been keeping himself busy all day so he passes out in the early evening on the couch in front of a shitty sitcom he put on to try to distract himself from the empty house.

Nightmares find him, which isn't terribly unusual, but he doesn't have his usual method of coping so he resorts back to his previous habit.

Eddie walks in bone tired after many hours of driving to and from Indianapolis, waiting while the clerk figured out they didn't have the amp he'd been assured over the phone would be available for pickup today, waiting some more while they had the amp driven from a sister shop an hour away because no way was he driving back and forth again to Indianapolis on another day. So yeah. Eddie is beat. All he wants is to dive head first into his boyfriend's impeccable pecs.

He doesn't find Steve waiting with a welcome kiss like he usually would when he walks in. Instead he's greeted with a hauntingly beautiful rendition of the melody of Master of Puppets in a way he's never heard before.

He drops his stuff in the entry hall and goes down to the basement where the music is coming from, curious to see where Steve might have found the recording. Eddie doesn't quite know what to do with himself when he finally lays eyes on Steve, with dried tear stains on his cheeks and his eyes closed as his fingers pluck and strum without hesitation. He's rooted to the spot as he watches Steve work his favorite song in a new and completely heartrending way. He hasn't been able to listen to it since he played it in the upside down. It always brings up the bitter blood tang of the air and the hair raising shrieks of the bats. But this is somehow different, it's soft and melodious but it's still got the same bones.

Eddie feels tears on his own cheeks. He's missed this song goddammit. And he couldn't be happier that it's Steve that's given it back to him

Queue tears and fear and confessions and comfort. Somehow much later in the future there's inexplicably a harp in some of the corroded coffin tracks. And it shouldn't work but it does

#steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #steve harrington plays an instrument #steve harrington plays the harp #this ran away from me #it was supposed to be a random idea #sorry if it's disjointed #it's midnight and the idea was not going to let me rest #I'll probably come try to clean it up at some point #i dont even want to imagine the typos #i hate writing on mobile #but once again brain latched on the the idea like a chewtoy and didn't want to give it back #so you unwitting internet denizen are now graced with the aforementioned mess

[doglikegod]

I would love to learn what it means to be a real man

trying to do it alone can be tough and it's so much easier when you just have to do as your told

for starters, seeking out advice on becoming a real man is a solid first step. that shit takes some serious balls. you’ve already started.

becoming a man is about gaining confidence in yourself. don’t make yourself smaller, don’t try to take up less space. be as unapologetically yourself as you want. cis people, and even some fellow trans people, won’t be comfortable with you being confident and secure in yourself, but fuck em. you exist for yourself, not anyone else.

becoming a man is also about presenting in a way that makes you feel powerful and enhances that confidence. if you haven’t tried wearing men’s clothes, get a couple things from a thrift store or hand-me-downs from a friend. try them on, wear them to a store. get a pack of boxers briefs and pin a rolled up sock to the front pouch. that’s your dick now—wear it as much as you can, even outside of boymode.

if you’ve already done all that, make sure the clothes you wear fit your personal style, whatever that may be. punk? jock? guy that works at geek squad? make sure the outside matches the inside.

start manspreading in public. sit with your legs shoulder width apart. it’ll be easier if you’re packing. it’ll be even easier when you start t—you’d be too sensitive to do anything else.

stop giving a shit about your height if you’re below the male average. tons of short guys exist and are hot as fuck because they own it. josh hutcherson is like 5’5 and tons of people think he’s sexy. part of that is because he doesn’t come off as insecure.

apologize less. be polite to people that deserve it, but don’t be subservient. dont apologize for asking questions, don’t apologize for correcting someone, don’t apologize for existing. don’t be afraid to be a bit abrasive, even.

try out more masculine hobbies. you don’t have to abandon any “girly” hobbies you may have—it’s 2024, men can knit. try out woodworking or shooting or fishing or computer building or working on cars or even growing chili peppers. ask your male friends what they do for fun and try it out for yourself. if you have a good relationship with your dad or any other male family member, ask him to teach you. if you don’t have someone irl to teach you something, pick a hobby you’ve always wanted to try out but were too scared to, and watch youtube videos on it. even if you don’t end up loving it, you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone, which is a big accomplishment in itself, and you might’ve even had a nice bonding experience with someone.

look into how to get t, and then do it, if you haven’t already. find a trans clinic in your area, go to planned parenthood if you’re in the states, hell even do diy if you need to. if you’re in an area where it’s unsafe to start t—especially florida jfc—work your ass off to get out of there as soon as possible.

start jacking off and fucking more like a man. stroke your dick instead of rubbing your clit. get a strap on and jerk that off. repeat, “i’m a man” to yourself on every stroke. try pumping your dick. picture yourself topping. actually top. experience your sexuality as something beyond cis society’s expectations for a “woman”—because you never were a woman, so why should you fuck like one?

if you’re scared to do something that’ll help yourself transition, ask yourself “why does this scare me?” and decide if your fears are as big as they seem. many things that seem daunting about transitioning aren’t actually bad, and sometimes end up being fucking awesome.

it’s not going to be easy and it’s definitely not going to be easier than “staying” a woman, but becoming the man you were always meant to be is the best thing you can do for yourself. being able to look in the mirror and like what looks back at you is the greatest feeling in the world. i hope you get there.

#mail #if there’s anything you want specific advice on my ask box is open #you got this man #forcemasc #autoandrophilia #force masc

[steddieas-shegoes]

saturate me, i can't get enough

rated e 4,066 words cw: please read full note below the cut in regards to terminology used in this ficlet/warnings A really big thank you/shoutout to @patchworkgargoyle for proofreading this and giving me a few great suggestions to make sure this was absolutely perfect for @steves-strapcollection's birthday! Also available on ao3.

This labor of love (and smut) is for my favorite transmasc Steve truther, Gerry. I am so grateful for your contributions to this fandom, and I am even more grateful that you welcome me into your chaos (Tig threads I'm lookin' at you 👀). While I may still not think my writing could be a gift to anyone, let alone a talented writer like you, I will just be positive that you'll enjoy this for what it is which is soft and tender fuckin'.

A VERY SERIOUS NOTE FOR EVERYONE ELSE: I am very much a cis woman. I spoke with Ger before even starting on this because I wanted to make sure he was comfortable with me even attempting to write transmasc Steve. I am using masculine and feminine terms for lower anatomy that he uses in his own fics and his own life with his express permission to do so. If you think this might be a trigger for you, please don't read. I wrote this specifically for Ger, and realize that it may not be for everyone. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing!

--------------------------------------

If Eddie had known what exactly he was getting into when he asked Steve on a date, he probably would have done it a lot sooner.

He tugged on the silk ropes around his wrist, just tight enough to keep him in place on the bed, but still loose enough that he knew he could pull out of them if he had to.

Steve refused to tie them any tighter.

“Need you to feel safe with me, Eds,” he’d said with a soft kiss to his lips.

As if he could feel anything other than safe with him. As if he hadn’t spent the last five or so months falling in love with him, learning what makes Steve Steve, figuring out how he could fit in Steve’s life.

Somehow, Eddie ended up naked first, tied up in his own bed, breaths heavy with anticipation of what was to come.

And he had very little idea of what was to come.

He’d already been surprised at how quickly Steve took charge of their date, their first kiss, the torturous ride back to Eddie’s apartment where Steve’s hand just brushed against his cock every minute or so.

Now, he was at Steve’s mercy entirely.

Just the thought of Steve leaving him like this while he touched, and kissed, and bit every part of his body was enough to have him leaking.

“Can’t believe how good you look like this,” Steve groaned from his spot between Eddie’s legs.

Oh, his shirt was off.

Finally.

Eddie whined as he saw Steve’s one and only tattoo, a baseball bat with nails sticking out of it, on his left side just under the scar from his top surgery.

He wanted to trace the outline with his tongue, maybe mark it up so that it wasn’t just black ink, cover him in purples and blues that would take days to heal.

But he wouldn’t be able to do that now, not with his hands tied above his head and his legs spread wide enough that he couldn’t get leverage to pull himself up or Steve down.

Next time.

“Steve, please,” Eddie begged, though he wasn’t sure what he was begging for at this point other than touch.

“Sorry, baby. You’re just so distracting.”

Eddie knew he was blushing, could feel the heat on his face and neck, on his chest.

His hands were sweaty where he had them clenched into fists, somehow already overwhelmed before even being properly touched.

Steve’s fingers glided across his chest, pausing to pay attention to his only nipple, laughing to himself when Eddie jumped.

“Sensitive? Maybe this one got all the nerves from the other one being gone,” Steve smirked as he leaned down to flick his tongue over the soft, pink flesh of his one remaining nipple.

It was like an electric shock, a fire burning through his veins and Steve’s tongue was the match that lit it.

He arched his back, chasing the feeling as far as he physically could, pouting when Steve pulled away.

“Hey,” Steve touched his cheek, smiling when Eddie relaxed into the touch. “I know we’re moving fast, but I kinda wanna take my time with you. Is that okay?”

Eddie nodded, thankful that Steve said it first.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like the idea of going as far as they could as fast as they could, not at all. Eddie would be happy with anything.

But taking their time?

He would take all night.

“Wanted this for so long, baby. You have no idea,” Steve whispered, breath hot against his lips as he leaned back in.

“Me too,” Eddie’s voice trembled.

Steve’s palm settled against his chest, no doubt feeling how hard and fast Eddie’s heart was beating, but not saying anything about it.

Eddie could feel his pulse in his fingertips, in his toes, in his hair.

“You like being tied up?”

Eddie nodded, biting his bottom lip between his teeth and letting his mind drift to thoughts of being like this hours.

“You want me to do what I want? Not let you pick?”

Eddie didn’t even care about his teasing tone, his knowing smirk.

He wasn’t asking for an answer, he was asking for control, and he already had both.

“I think you want me to take over, ride your face maybe? And then your cock?”

Steve was spot on.

Eddie couldn’t count the amount of times he’d pictured that exact scenario in his head. Just last night, while he was cooking dinner, he thought about the way Steve would taste, how he would look while Eddie took him apart with his tongue, his fingers.

He hadn’t even gotten to picture his cock inside him when the fire alarm started beeping to let him know he was burning his supper.

“Yeah, that’s what you want. Don’t even have to say it, I can see it all over your face,” Steve teased.

He could only imagine.

Steve got off the bed, shushing Eddie’s whines with a quick kiss to his forehead.

“Just getting everything else off, Eds.”

It was said to calm him down, but it just caused him to cant his hips upwards, seeking any type of friction on his leaking cock.

Steve’s eyes never left him as he stripped his jeans and boxers off in one fell swoop, his feet stepping out of the pant legs as quickly as he could without tripping.

He joined him on the bed again, settling between his legs and staring down at him, eyes holding so much affection that Eddie wasn’t sure what to do with it, where to put it all.

When they made eye contact, Steve smiled softly down at him.

“You okay with this?” He asked, wanting to be sure before they got too carried away.

“More than okay,” Eddie nodded. “Wanna taste you so bad, Stevie.”

“I can make that happen.”

Steve untied one of his hands from the bedframe, but didn’t let it touch any part of him yet.

“This is only so you can tap out if you need to. You’re not allowed to touch anywhere except my leg. Three taps if you need to stop, okay?” Eddie nodded. “Show me.”

Eddie waited for Steve to climb up a bit, straddle his chest, the warmth between his legs enough to make him forget for a moment what he was supposed to be doing.

“Eddie. Show me,” Steve’s voice was stern enough to grab his attention again, and Eddie focused on making his shaking hand tap his thigh three times. “Good boy. You can keep your hand there if it’ll help you remember, but no moving unless it’s to tap.”

Eddie’s head felt cloudy already, something he so rarely experienced with anyone, something he hoped he’d get to keep experiencing with Steve from now on.

Steve shifted back down for long enough to leave a kiss on Eddie’s lips, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth as he let out a laugh.

“I can feel your heartbeat between my thighs. A bit excited, aren’t you?” Steve teased him again, but Eddie wasn’t complaining. If anything, it just made his heartbeat louder with anticipation at what he was about to get.

“Need you,” Eddie managed to say.

Steve didn’t wait any longer, scooting his body up so his pussy was level with Eddie’s mouth.

Eddie groaned, lifted his head an inch so he could be even closer.

He needed it, needed him. He couldn’t wait any longer to get a taste.

Eddie’s tongue lapped at Steve’s hole, the only part he could reach at the moment, but it was enough.

Steve let out a long moan, gravelly voice letting out a long “yes” as he rocked his hips forward to get Eddie’s tongue inside.

Eddie closed his eyes and let himself be surrounded by Steve.

His slightly musky smell, the sweat that was rolling down his thighs, the surprisingly sweet slick dripping from his pussy, all of it was better than Eddie could have possibly imagined.

The noises got louder as Steve adjusted himself directly over Eddie’s face.

He pulled away just enough for Eddie to catch his breath, but Eddie didn’t want to catch his breath.

“Need your cock, please,” Eddie begged, not caring if he was breaking an unspoken rule, not caring if he suffocated for it.

But he didn’t get in trouble. In fact, he got exactly what he wanted when Steve settled back down, his dick rubbing against Eddie lips in silent instruction.

Eddie opened his mouth wide, stuck out his tongue, and moaned.

“God you’re so good,” Steve grabbed Eddie’s hand on his thigh, squeezing as he rocked back and forth, taking things slower than Eddie expected him to.

Eddie whimpered, letting out what little breath he had as Steve rested more of his weight on his tongue.

“You made me so wet just laying there, all tied up for me, hng,” Steve groaned.

The hand squeezing Eddie’s moved to the headboard, giving Steve just a bit more leverage to bear down and chase his own release on Eddie’s tongue.

Eddie could feel his fingernails digging into Steve’s thighs, but he couldn’t, and wouldn’t, stop unless Steve made him.

He could feel slick and drool dripping down his chin, his cheeks, his neck, probably making a mess of his hair and the pillow under him, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. Steve was making low groaning noises now, his pace getting faster every few thrusts back and forth.

Eddie opened his eyes, wanting to try to see what Steve looked like from this angle.

He wasn’t disappointed.

Steve’s head was thrown back, his arm muscles straining as he held onto the bed, leg muscles and stomach tensing as his pleasure started to crest.

The flush that Eddie had barely gotten to enjoy before was now covering his hairy chest and his neck, a few drops of sweat dripping to his stomach.

Eddie hoped he could lick them up after Steve came.

Steve let out a loud whine and one of his hands fell to Eddie’s hair, his fingers tugging at his roots in a way that reminded him he had no control over any of this.

Eddie decided to take matters into his own hands the best that he could, curling his tongue into a sharper point so that on the next thrust, Steve’s dick was given more pointed pressure.

“Fuck!” Steve yelled out. He looked down at Eddie, hair flopping into his face. “You wanna suck it, baby? You can if you want.”

He sounded so close, breathlessly framing his own wants as something Eddie wanted. And Eddie did want those things.

He was starting to realize he wanted everything with Steve.

It should have been a scary thought, especially when this was just the ending of their first date, but instead of worrying about it, Eddie used all the energy and muscle he could to lift his head up and start to suck on his dick.

“That’s it,” Steve panted, holding Eddie’s head against him, not giving him a chance to move away again. “You’re so good, baby. Gonna make me cum so hard, fuck.”

Eddie started to nod, and the extra movement seemed to set Steve off.

He felt Steve’s thighs clench, then loosen, then clench again, his hand tightening in Eddie’s hair, and a long moan left his body.

Eddie moaned too, and the vibration sent Steve over the edge.

Steve slowed his pace, but didn’t get up, letting Eddie slowly lick along his folds, gathering up the slick dripping out of him.

When Eddie’s tongue brushed over his cock again, he flinched, but let out a huff of a laugh.

“Sorry, baby, you got me so oversensitive already. You’re too good at that,” Steve said, still trying to catch his breath.

“Good at what? Being used?” Eddie managed to ask, voice hoarse.

Steve looked down at him as he moved down to settle against his stomach instead.

“Good at being good for me,” he finally said, seriousness ruined by the hint of fondness in his tone and smile.

“Always wanna be good for you, Stevie,” Eddie admitted.

Steve looked at him for a moment, searched his face for any sign of him lying or being too sex-drunk to be realistic.

But whatever was on Eddie’s face must have shown him that he was serious.

“Yeah, baby. I think you could be,” Steve leaned down to kiss him, licking into his mouth like he wanted to taste himself on Eddie’s lips and tongue, like he wanted to know what they tasted like together.

Eddie felt his cock pulse, felt the tug in his stomach that let him know he was probably much closer than he should be just from eating Steve out for five minutes.

He didn’t have time to be embarrassed though; Steve was moving down his body further, reaching a hand back to touch his cock.

“Wait!” Eddie leaned his head away.

Steve pulled his hand away and looked at him, frowning as he took in the panicked look on Eddie’s face.

“I just, um, I’m close. Like, pretty sure if you touch me, I will cum all over your hand and probably never be able to look you in the eyes again.”

Steve snorted out a laugh.

“What’s wrong with that?” Steve asked, slowly tracing his fingers across Eddie’s waistline, not even looking as he got closer to his cock.

“I…I don’t know?” Eddie admitted.

And truly, he had no idea why he shouldn’t cum. That was the goal of this, and Steve was making it pretty clear he didn’t mind if he did, might even prefer if he did.

The only thing stopping him was that he didn’t want any of this to end.

“Eds, you’ve been so good for me, I kinda want you to feel good, too. Unless you really don’t want to-”

“No! I do!” Eddie ignored the way Steve was trying to cover his laughter. “I just thought you wanted to ride me.”

“Ohhhh. I see. You’re being selfish.”

Eddie’s mouth snapped shut, teeth audibly clacking together.

No one had ever called him selfish in bed, not even jokingly.

But Steve’s tone wasn’t joking. His face wasn’t joking.

“I guess you think I don’t wanna see you squirming because I’m wringing the third orgasm from you in less than an hour? Is that it?”

“Uh…”

Steve clicked his tongue.

“I planned on you begging to stop soon enough. Unless you want to stop now? Seems like it might be hard to go to sleep like that, though.”

Steve’s brow raised as he glanced behind him for a moment at Eddie’s red and dripping cock, then looked back at Eddie.

“No, please don’t stop. I…can I be inside you?” Eddie was desperate, and didn’t care if he sounded like it.

“You wanna cum inside me? Fill me up good, make sure I feel who I belong to?” Steve asked as he slowly moved back further, his hand firmly grasping the base of Eddie’s cock.

Eddie whined, bucking his hips up, but not making the contact he needed.

“You can if you promise to clean me up after,” Steve’s hand slid up Eddie’s dick slowly, the pressure not nearly enough to satisfy him, but enough to make him whine.

“I promise. Please,” Eddie nodded, his one free hand making a fist in the sheets while his still tied up hand tugged on the binds.

Steve didn’t respond with words, just sat back and guided Eddie’s cock along the inner lips of his cunt, moaning at the sensation.

“So warm,” Eddie groaned.

“Gonna get me all wet again, baby,” Steve rocked his hips slowly, teasing the tip along his folds and against his entrance. “You’re leaking worse than I am.”

Which may be true at this point. Eddie had spent enough time licking up as much of his mess as possible.

Steve sat down on his cock with no warning.

He hissed, clenching his fists and curling his toes to fight off the impending orgasm.

Absolutely nothing could have prepared him for the way Steve’s pussy sucked him in, clenching around him in a way that left him shivering and panting.

“Good?” Steve asked, smug grin the only thing keeping Eddie from losing it completely.

“Yes, yeah, so good, fuck,” Eddie threw his head back, arching his back as Steve slowly lifted himself up and dropped back down.

Fuck, Eddie wasn’t gonna be able to hold off. He’d just have to live with the embarrassment.

Steve reached up to untie his hand, grabbing his wrist and massaging it in his own hands as he moved his hips in circles.

“Wait, you didn’t-”

“Yeah, I did.”

“When?” Eddie knew his brain hadn’t been working for a while now, but he was certain his eyes had been. Steve hadn’t stretched himself on his fingers this entire time, and going from just Eddie’s tongue barely breaching his entrance to suddenly sitting on his cock, no matter how wet he was, had to be at least a little painful.

“Bathroom when we got home,” Steve shrugged.

Steve had been fingering himself in the bathroom not even an hour ago. Without Eddie. Without even making a noise.

God, Eddie was so fucked. Literally.

“You okay, baby?” Steve asked, smug grin back in place as he guided Eddie’s hands to his own hips. “Think you can do this part or do I have to do everything?”

Eddie gripped his hips, hoping his fingers would leave bruises, and let himself have this. It may only last for another minute, but he was going to make it worth every second.

He lifted Steve up, then dropped him down, smirking at the loud yelp Steve let out.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard later, this is just a preview,” Eddie growled out.

“Promise?” Steve gasped as Eddie shoved his hips up as he pulled Steve down.

“Swear. Every night you want me to from now on, Stevie,” Eddie slowed his thrusting, felt the tension building in his abdomen.

Steve groaned as he placed his hands on Eddie’s chest and started lifting his hips up on his own, clenching as he moved up Eddie’s cock.

He quickened his pace, little whimpers leaving him every time his ass met Eddie’s thighs.

“You feel so good, Stevie, gonna cum,” Eddie whined as his thighs clenched.

“Yes, yes, please. You’ve been so good, Eds,” Steve nodded, not pausing for a second.

Eddie’s eyes closed without his permission, Steve’s words hitting him right in the chest, making his breath leave him in one long, drawn-out moan.

Steve didn’t slow down, lacing his fingers with Eddie’s and pushing them backwards onto the sheets as he rode Eddie through his orgasm.

“Kiss me, please,” Eddie begged, opening his eyes to look up at Steve’s flushed face. Sweat was beading along his hairline, bangs flopping into his eyes.

Steve’s lips hovered over Eddie’s, not quite making contact, but close enough for their breaths to mingle together, for the small whimpers Eddie was unintentionally letting out to be swallowed by Steve’s hungry tongue as it grazed against his own.

Eddie was coherent enough to pull one of his hands loose, reaching up to cup Steve’s jaw as he chased his second orgasm of the night.

“Can I?” Eddie asked, moving his hand down his neck, tracing a finger along his collarbone. He looked up at Steve’s wide eyes, felt his pace slow to a stop.

“Can you…?” Steve asked, breathless as he tried to figure out what Eddie was trying to ask him.

“Can I touch your cock? Want you to come on mine.”

Eddie felt Steve clench around him, his cock almost over sensitive enough for it to be painful.

“Yeah, I’m close,” Steve admitted, pulling his other hand away to sit back so Eddie had easier access to his dick.

He was dripping, and Eddie’s cum was leaking from his hole now that he’d stopped moving and Eddie was starting to get soft.

Eddie’s fingers gathered up as much as they could, gliding down to where his cock was still inside him and away a few times, just to tease.

“Eddie…”

“Sorry, sorry. Just like touching you,” Eddie smiled up at him, at the way Steve’s back was arched, at the way his thighs were trembling with the effort of holding himself up.

Steve grabbed his wrist and guided his hand to his dick, impatience finally taking over.

“I like you touching me too, but if I don’t get to come again soon, you won’t touch me again for the rest of the night,” Steve snarked.

Eddie loved him.

He didn’t hesitate to curl his fingers so his knuckles rested against the sides of his dick, still teasing, but at least where Steve wanted it now. He didn’t move for a moment, wanted Steve to be desperate enough to rock forward.

“Eddie, please,” Steve whined.

“Look who’s begging now,” Eddie teased. “You’re so hard, sweetheart. Should’ve told me you were this close earlier. Would’ve taken care of you.”

Steve whimpered, shaking his head as Eddie’s knuckles started dragging up and down his dick.

Watching Steve fall apart above him like this, making him fall apart, especially when he’d been the one in control all night, was making Eddie feel unstoppable.

This was all he ever wanted: making Steve feel good in any way Steve wanted or needed.

Eddie started jerking his fingers faster, watching as Steve’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Fuuuuuck,” Steve groaned, shifting his hips up for more pressure, for anything else he could possibly get.

“That’s it, Stevie. Wanna make you feel good. Wanna be good for you.”

And just like Steve’s words had done for Eddie before, Eddie’s must have been the final straw for Steve.

Steve’s thighs shook as he came, his fingers digging into Eddie’s shoulders as he fell forward, trapping his hand against his pulsing dick.

“Hmm,” Steve moaned out as his grasp loosened, leaving half-moons in Eddie’s skin.

Eddie knew he would be hard again soon. At this rate, he wouldn’t be surprised if he got hard while still inside Steve.

But Steve’s eyes opened, and Eddie somehow fell further.

“I don’t wanna stop,” Steve whispered, leaning in to kiss along his jawline, letting his teeth gently brush against his chin before pecking his lips.

“I’ve got perfectly good fingers. Or…” Eddie leaned up to kiss him, smirking when he felt Steve grind against him. “You could also fuck me.”

Steve’s responding groan was muffled by Eddie’s chest, a laugh immediately following.

“As much as I would love to, and will as soon as I have energy, I was thinking maybe we could just…stay like this?” Steve looked up towards the end, a pink blush coating his cheeks unlike anything Eddie had ever seen on him before.

Steve didn’t get embarrassed or nervous, he didn’t get flustered, at least not where others could see him.

He was Mr. Charming, the smoothest guy around, the one who always knew how to respond in a flirty situation.

But right now, all Eddie saw was vulnerability, his eyes mirroring back the love Eddie felt but hadn’t put into words.

“Like this or on our sides?” Eddie whispered, not wanting the moment to be broken.

“Like this for now.”

Eddie gave a single nod, not mentioning that they should probably clean up a little, or the fact that Robin would be home soon and the bedroom door was wide open.

Steve kissed his chest before he settled with his head in the crook of his neck, breath hot against Eddie’s pulse point.

Eddie’s cock was hard again inside Steve, but both of them ignored it, savoring the feeling of finally having each other.

Steve was asleep quickly, and Eddie let his mind wander as he traced his fingers up and down Steve’s back.

This first date felt a lot like the beginning of a long future.

–

When Eddie woke up the next morning, his cock was in Steve’s mouth, and Steve already had two fingers in his hole, lube slowly dripping between his cheeks.

“What a way to wake up,” Eddie moaned.

Steve pulled off of him, already smirking, lips red and glistening with spit.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Stevie. Keep going,” Eddie’s voice was rough from sleep.

“You got it, baby.”

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #transmasculine steve harrington #light d/s #soft dom steve harrington #sub eddie munson

[kuyurasu]

Spider Lily

Dottore x Reader

Part 2

Part 3

Summary ; Soulmates are tied with their lifespan. After being sold to a man as a slave in Sumeru, you forgot about the boy you saved as a child. He didn't.

WC ; an obscene amount

Reading time ; depends.

Warnings ; look at part 1

Authors Note ; enjoy

"Pack up, then, foolish girl. You will want to get some warmer clothes for this."

It took a while. But when you felt your own heart beating in your chest as you woke up, you were surprised. Your head was aching with a pounding headache like never before. Surprisingly, you were still alive. After your mental breakdown, all you could think about was how this was it for you—you were certain of it, so how were you still here? Alive? Breathing?

"You're awake." A cold, distant voice sounded. It was masculine and slightly rude, but there were creases of concern for you in his eyes. You turned to look at him, your eyes feeling dry and blurry.

He sat across a fire from you, a mask over his face and a hood drawn over his head. He wore dark clothes, like he belonged to some weird cult. You didn't have any words as you looked at him, your eyes wide in shock and concern. Would he take you back? Was he one of them?

"You were asleep for 4 days. I had to convince three harbingers that I hadn't abandoned my post just for you. You should consider yourself lucky in more ways than one." He rambled on, looking at you with a dismissive gaze, before standing and walking over to a bag, pulling out some soft food. "You went into shock. I had to fucking pull you out of an entire mental breakdown before you killed yourself." He grumbled quietly, walking over to you with a flask of water and food. "Not too quickly."

You took the water and followed his warning to not drink the substance too quickly. Your heart pounded as it suddenly had what your body craved, and your head was getting dizzy for a moment. You had always had a limited supply of water, not only to keep you from getting too strong, but because out of 20 slaves, it could be pricey. And Lord, help them if they had to spend too much money on slaves.

"I noticed your tongue. Can you speak properly?" He asked quietly, pulling his hood down to show his pale blonde hair. It suited his equally pale features.

You gave a so-so expression, opening your mouth to show that your tongue hardly touched your teeth if you tried. Talking was complicated.

He was silent for a moment, looking blandly at the display, before sighing. "If the doctor was here, he'd be able to fix that shit, but..." He sighed quietly and looked up at the young woman with a subtle frown. "You should learn to speak simple words. I heard you talk before you passed out, but that's because you were dying. Your body can do more when on the brink of death. I would know." He handed you the soft meal, giving you a warning to eat it slowly as well.

You nodded faintly, your teeth clamping down and chewing on the meat as he talked. It was delicious—well, he didn't seem pleased with it, but considering you had stale or moldy bread your whole life, this was a luxury.

"You're a slave, or were a slave, I should say." You nodded quietly, your heart squeezing painfully while a cold sweat went down your back. It was unreal to think that a few days ago, you were in chains, walking hundreds of miles for work, and now you were sitting by a campfire at dawn with a stranger. "You should get those slave tattoos covered. You don't want to meet your old masters as they see your marks." He commented after a while, taking a bite of the meal as well.

It took a while before you felt comfortable trying to talk to him, being wary and not all there mentally, but he was patient, surprisingly.

His name was Zakhar. He told you he was a Snezhnayan resident. You had never been to that nation on account of the cold and other reasons the slave owners didn't disclose. Something about Fatui Zakhar was relatively chatty, yet some of his words had a distinct accent that took a while for you to understand. He also began to teach you how to extend your shortened tongue to speak as well as possible.

"Sss. Try it. You need to curve your tongue slightly and press it near your teeth. Again." He commanded you, showing you how to properly say the S. It took many tries, but you got there.

"Ch.. s… Sss… S." You sounded finally, looking up at Zakhar, as he seemed a bit proud and pleased. He nodded his head and gestured for you to continue.

That night, he took off his mask for the first time. It was when he came back from washing himself that his face was covered with his normal clothing, but there was no mask on his face. He probably assumed you would be asleep, but he should've known by now that you could hardly ever keep your eyes shut. Whether it be because of the screams and terrors or the world you could not see enough of,

"Zak…har." You slurred slightly, looking up with surprise. You didn't expect the bright red eyes to turn and look at you with a startled expression. You blushed instinctively, feeling like you were getting caught looking at something you weren't supposed to.

He quickly put his mask back on, not wanting to be seen without it. "You should've been asleep." He nearly growled out, turning away from you so he could continue drying off his hair.

You swallowed and remembered his teachings for your stupid tongue. "I'm sorry. I didn't know." You quietly laid down on the blanket that had become your bed.

He shook his head, signaling he didn't wish to talk any longer. It made you sigh but listen to his warning.

The next day, you awoke to nearly half of the stuff already packed away. The mini-camp Zakhar had set up was nearly gone. He was stuffing some things in his bag before noticing you were awake. Your eyes are glued to his form. He sighed and looked at you. "I need to leave for Snezhnaya. I was supposed to be there yesterday; the doctor will have my head if I don't leave now." Your heart slightly dropped at the information, and the agonizing realization finally dawned on you.

You would be alone. He was leaving you. Why? Why was he leaving you? Your heart began to race, your eyes staring off in the distance while you processed all of this. He was leaving you, abandoning you. Just like everyone else. Your breathing began to get labored, and tears you didn't realize slipped down your cheeks as your body lightly trembled. It was like you were stuck in a trance—your mind not wanting to process this or even think about what this meant. He was leaving you alone. Could you convince him to stay? He's taught you so much; there were so many things you had to learn and think about with him as your teacher. Your heart feels like it just may give up again.

Hands braced your shoulders and snapped you out of your almost meltdown, securing you as your breaths continued to shake.

"Stop. I know you're probably used to people leaving you; we need to work on that." You didn't know if it was Zakhar's voice securing you or if it was his hands. It was the only thing that made you able to be relatively there. At the words of working with him in your panic, you relaxed every so slightly. He wasn't going to abandon you. "Listen to me. You are about to make a very important choice. Something that was taken from you." The power of having control He was giving it to you in the most realistic way possible, by making you understand the seriousness of the situation. It made you feel... electric, almost. You had a hand in what was happening.

You nodded faintly, trembling still, as he slowly released your shoulders. He sat on his knees in front of you, a mask covering his features. Everything but those bright red eyes.

"I work in Snezhnaya. It is a cold, cruel nation. My sister is there as well, and I believe it could be beneficial to you to learn and get help. She is better at this than I am." He gestured to himself and then at a space in between you two, knowing he wasn't quite up to the job of helping undo the trauma that soaked your bones. It was practically imprinted in your mind after hundreds of years, and something told you it would take you just as long, if not longer, to help with that curse of yours.

You thought of the offer and already knew your choice. It was a clear and easy decision considering, at this moment, he was all you had. "I want to go with you."

He smiled. It was the most you got from him when you pleased him, especially when you finally spoke about what you wanted.

"My apologies, Lord Harbinger." He said it with an almost shaky tone.

A day later, you were on a ship off to Snezhnaya, warm clothes and all. Zakhar placed his hood over his head for the first time since meeting you, covering most of his face with shadows once more. He gave you a mask as well. He was adamant about it and seemed nervous when you questioned it with a slight tilt of your head. While on the ship, Zakhar fidgeted with his fingers, looking off in the distance, which no doubt was where the nation would be. It confused you as to why he was so nervous. He went silent after a while as well, getting closer and closer to the frozen tundra.

He grabbed all your things, and when you both docked, he was guarded, reserved, and hostile. Just like when you first met him. It didn't really bother you since all your life was harsh; it just boggled your mind why the suddenness of such an attitude changed.

"2 weeks. You have been absent far too long." A cold, harsh voice sounded from the distance. Standing across the docks was a man with light blue hair, fancy Snezhnayan clothes, and a scowl on his face. A crow-like, almost plague-like mask covered most of his features, but from the energy that radiated from him, you knew this man was lethal. It made you tremble and almost instinctively bow.

Zakhar guarded you with his body, hiding you from view from the man as he bowed his head and swallowed thickly.

So this man was the reason why he was nervous, you thought.

"Do not try to apologize. Prime would have given you hell if he were aware of your foolishness, unless it was for me. You are lucky he left for business."

The only question in your mind, though, wasn't about what you had to do or where you had to go. But who was that man?

Zakhar swallowed and nodded his head, not daring to speak anymore without permission, especially after knowing how angry the harbinger clearly was. You didn't make a noise either, even as the man slowly walked closer. His pale skin almost looks a bit sickly.

"Is this feeble woman the reason for your disappearance? You decide to disregard your duties for a mere fornication with... this beast?" He turned his eyes to where you stood behind him before scoffing and laughing in his low, intimidating tone. You had your face and body covered, but you could tell he thought you were hideous. How could he not? You were sickly-looking, weak, and feeble, and you were barefoot.

Zakhar remained silent, knowing that if he spoke without permission, he may very well be killed.

The man continued to walk closer, closing the gap of distance between the three of you, and Zakhar guarded you like his life depended on it with his head bowed. "You reported the discovery of a rare artifact for testing. Give it to me now. Or else your cock will be chopped off for this offense."

Your friend trembled for only a moment before retrieving an item in his bag and handing it to the other man, his eyes behind the mask clearly judging the item with cold precision.

"Very well. This will suffice. You are expected to report to the palace tomorrow at the normal time. Do not expect Omega or Prime to be as forgiving as me." And with that, the man turned around, the cloak he wore falling behind him as he walked back into the frozen, snowing city. It caused a sigh of relief for both of you. He was probably someone you felt the most danger from yet. It made you tremble.

"Right… That was something. Let us go. We have... much to do." Zakhar sighed and took your arm in his, knowing that it would be easy to get lost or have bad luck in this nation.

#genshin impact #requests open #smut with feelings #smut with plot #x reader #genshin #fluff #smut #dottore x reader #genshin dottore #dottore #dottore x you

[vile-bestia]

why mizu is, in fact, not cis

Everyone is very angry at everyone about how to see or not see Mizu’s identity; being unable to shut up, and having fixated on the show a bit, i’m excited to finally join my first to-the-death-tumblr-discourse-battle.

I'm going to use mostly he/him for Mizu, but please read the premise below. Read the colored strings of text 😭

The main argument for Mizu being a woman is that which has as its basis the fact that cross-dressing is for Mizu an external need: for one, it is a need for protection from patriarchal bonds; secondly, it is a need for independence - Akemi’s story is one of independence as well, of feminine independence, and we have more than one woman pursuing such thing; we could go on with an analysis of brothels as a feminine space, but, alas - and thirdly, it is a need of obligation: Mizu needs to maintain the masculine identity in order to attain the object of his vow. 

I find, however, that while the argument stands as perfectly sound (and as canon) it isn’t exhaustive enough of the layered experience of gender in BES.

The trans coding is simply undeniable to me, whether it was intentional or not. I do not mean to say that Mizu is a binary trans man; that would be an approach as reductionist as confirming she is exclusively a woman. However, I find that some behaviours of Mizu’s are coded as dysphoric reactions.

Most of my justifications for this reasoning come from episodes 2, 5 and 8.

In episode 2,

Ringo is vowing to never reveal Mizu’s secret: “I’ll never tell anybody you’re a g-“; and as soon as he’s about to say girl, Mizu is just as ready to slice his throat. Mizu being worried about someone else hearing or witnessing the interaction doesn’t seem completely plausible to me: they’re alone in snowy woods, and, most likely, Mizu wouldn’t have confirmed time and again how readily he’d kill Ringo. 

Then comes episode 5,

which is in my opinion the most layered and the most exhaustive in regards to Mizu’s experience of gender, especially regarding his experience of the feminine. First and foremost, it tells the ultimate teaching: that gender isn’t but a performance, just as the gender roles are portrayed through theatre in the episode. As for the dysphoric reaction, it's the whole thing. Mizu is miserable even when we suppose that the marriage could be a relatively happy time. That's another reason why I suppose the puppet theatre tells Mizu's internal sense of self as well (see paragraph 4).

(And, about gender being performative, see how kabuki theatre was born in the Edo period and how, before being banned from acting, women cross-dressed to play male characters, and men cross-dressed to play female characters. See “professional transvestites” trained to be prostitutes, Kagema being trained from a young age to „act" like members of the other sex; see how by the beginning of the 18th century AFAB sex workers would try to figure out a way to set themselves apart from wakashu, creating an entirely new space for female crossdressers in the adult entertainment sphere; see ukiyo-e representations - chigo monogatari and yukiyo-zoshi literature; stories by Ihara Saikaku that are full of "transgender behaviours" and more)

Back to ep 5:

1. Theme of performance

The theme of performance, which also is the one of Mizu performing femininity for Mikio (in function of the well-being of Mizu’s mother), but being at once unable to suppress masculinity as the only space in which Mizu seems to be comfortable: e.g., it’s a little detail, but Mizu’s only good in the kitchen when cutting vegetables, because comfortable with blades, certainly not with cooking; again Mizu having to perform femininity is when he does makeup to “make-up”, to soften Mikio’s spirit, who feels invalidated by Mizu’s masculinity when it starts to interfere with his pride, and such other details; I even thought of the sword as a symbol for “learned” masculinity: the first time this thought occurred was when it was characterized by sensuality in the scene where the spouses spar: “Unsheathe it. Let me see your blade;” and I interpreted it as masculinity being the only space that allows intimacy as well; then comes the time where Mizu learns he does not need a sword to fight, meaning to me that she can embody masculinity without having to prove it to others. And then comes the reforging of the sword’s meteorite to include “impurities”, and the rite that Mizu performs. I assume that “a sword too pure” is the symbol of, again, learned hypermasculinity to appease patriarchal expectations, and is too pure because it’s Mizu rejecting part of himself, trying to exclude all “impurities”, whether they are being half white, or being half woman. Taigen himself is the one to tell Mizu he can fight without a sword (ep 7, but done in ep 3 or 4 and ep 6 already), and then the situation starts to bear sexual tension, which I directly link to the sensual connotation of the sparring cited earlier up. Possibly, this particular situation could also mean acceptance of Mizu's lack of a native "sword".

2. Gender roles

But a more sound consideration is (i would like to hope so) the one about the whole marriage being told through puppets, and the puppets themselves. While they are different characters, first of all we see an inversion of gender in the roles: at first Mizu is the Ronin because he performs a masculine role of protection, an “active” role; then, Mizu’s role is reversed in function of his marriage. We see Mizu surrendering (forcibly, being manipulated) to femininity as soon as his mother guilt-trips him into marrying, and the ronin puppet assumes a submissive pose, long before the role reversal.

3. A note:

it yet does not seem to me like the role reversal is, so to say, complete: even after the reversal, the narrator tells details about the ronin that are actually details about Mizu, e.g. when the two marry, and despite the positions of the puppets match the ones of the spouses, it is said that the ronin's loyalty is no more turned towards his "path of revenge," (Mizu's) "but to his bride" - in the perspective explained below, perhaps Mizu's own femininity. Also, i find Mizu might perceive Mikio as the bride, and himself as the husband - as an argument it can't stand alone, or it would bare no strength, but I will use it in correlation with the other points made, until now and later, to argue that Mizu thinks of himself as a guy.

4. Performance of Mizu's sides, assimilable to when she has the vision of killing his white side, shortly before facing the four fangs or whatever their name was

This, and one more tiny detail, bring me to think that not only do we talk about external roles, but about Mizu’s self-perception. I'm referring to when it is said that “for the first time in many years, the ronin felt the storm rage inside him.” The storm is a symbol belonging to Mizu (literally it occurs in the first 2 minutes of the episode), and it is explicit that it isn’t something that happens for the first time, but rather returns. By this point, the gender roles were reversed, and yet it seems to me like it isn’t anymore about the marriage itself, but rather about Mizu’s hatred for and slaughtering of his own femininity, and, of course, the experience of betrayal; with his family (especially his mother, see below), and with his femininity, which wasn’t enough to keep him comfortable or Mikio on his side. (...betrayal which is also about mizu himself betraying akemi, i'd add. Mizu is justified here, but it's important to note the parallels between the two timelines i guess?)

5. That random ass baby

There is, at a certain point, a situation of peace, which I think is represented when one of the puppets is holding a blue baby (supposedly a little ronin) in its arms. I want to suppose that the baby represents newborn love between Mizu and Mikio, before it all fell apart. But the love itself is a masculine love, as we see that it is based on masculine exchanges (fighting, doing fieldwork, taming horses, riding together, whatever) and, it seems to me, assimilable to homosexuality between samurai, which was widespread (insert something about Taigen here). Also Mikio wanted to marry a bro lmao. Aside from that, on the level of Mizu’s self-perception, it might represent comfortableness, a sort of congruence, or, rather, a compromise, that Mizu is able to live in, between natural masculinity and performed femininity - opening up to show vulnerability, love fragile as a creature that cannot defend itself, innocent, naive, trusting. 

6. About Mizu’s mother.

The puppet used for Mizu’s mother before the role reversal is the same that is supposedly used for Mizu after, but I latch onto a detail: the pattern on the puppet’s kimono is the same as the (real life) Mother’s kimono (see for example minute 12:30). I support this by noting the more obvious parallel between the blue worn by Mizu and the blue of the Ronin puppet, but at the same time I'm forced to note that after a certain point the mother has her own puppet. In any case, I see the mother and the feminine puppet wearing the same kimono as being about femininity, and about the mother’s betrayal of her child, rather than about Mizu herself. For one, manipulating him into marrying and abandoning the vow. But also we learn (ep 8) that the woman isn’t Mizu’s mother at all. One could discuss the reliability of Fowler’s statement, but I feel there are more clues regarding the mother’s betrayal: the episode starts with the Ronin, who feels the storm rage inside him at the killing of his lord (Mizu’s actual mother, perhaps) by the hands of a clan whose crest was the Phoenix (which I suppose are the white men, and the curse of whiteness for Mizu). I’ve thought about the four white men dealing guns (Fowler), flesh, opium (and I’m not sure what role “Violet” has in this, but I think they're the opium dealer), and thought that if Mizu’s “mother” was a substitute, the opium she smokes could point to Mizu’s potential father, perhaps even at the surrogate mother keeping contact, and at the surrogate’s betrayal at the same time. But it’s also true I watched the show while stoned, so I would dismiss this.

7. Onryo (note: characteristic in kabuki)

When the birth of the vengeful spirit occurs, I see very well how plausible it is to say that, actually, the rage that Mizu feels is feminine rage, and I agree with that. Mizu’s femininity is his rage, it is heavily related to the mother-daughter relationship, despite the fact that at a certain point the mother has her own puppet. At the same time, however, it is to me the result of the slaughtering of the performed femininity needed to respect the obligation (we remember the wedding was also to ensure the “surrogate” mother safety, especially financial, as well as to keep Mizu bound), just as accepting you’re able to fight with any tool puts an end to the compensatory movement by which you’re trying to prove masculinity to an observer (which, say, Taigen does as well, wanting to prove to Mizu he can beat him - plus, Taigen himself is the one to reassure Mizu on the complete unimportance of it, see how I read the sword symbol a few paragraphs earlier).

In this perspective, the "dye washing away from her kimono" to me means two things: that being what he is is inevitable, and that the feminine rage sets in; Mizu tries to make up for being a "demon", but in the end rejects the obligation towards his husband, and towards her mother; the pattern is not the same anymore, and Mizu is somehow more like his own person, returning on the path of vengeance, strengthened by the feminine, as the reforged sword will be strengthened by the very ritualistic yaki-ire.

--

Episode 8,

I feel, speaks instead for itself,  for the dysphoric reaction is to me extremely clear. Reacting that way to being called a Miss is not a cisgender reaction. You’ll tell me: it’s not a dysphoric reaction! It’s a reaction of disgust to being fetishized for being a woman! And that’s plausible, supported by the “you just keep getting better,” with clear sexual implication, except I think that is also a fundamental trans experience and one cannot limit the way they read the scene to an exclusively feminine experience.

In conclusion,

I don’t think it might be all boiled down Mizu being a masc woman, because of the trans coding. Mizu thinks of himself as a guy. If not a guy, not a woman either. You’ll tell me: “Of course she does, because she’s grown up that way; she was forced to sustain the lie to preserve her life! It's a matter of conditioning!” And while it is true that the initial context points towards crossdressing, and not inherent feelings of gender non conformity or transgenderism, I feel that if Mizu really felt like a woman, he wouldn’t have such exaggerated reactions, and I don’t think they come from his temperament either. And it is disproved that conditioning someone to have a different sexuality or gender identity works in any way - I doubt Edo period Japan or a particular protagonist would make an exception. "But Mizu herself tells Mikio she didn't want to be a man, she had to be one!" Yes, because it is true. But it points to crossdressing. If it were aimed to explain the whole of Mizu's experience of gender in her self, it would invalidate the entirety of episode 5.

In any case, even in situations where he couldn’t be discovered, Mizu does not allow feminine terms or titles, or tries as best to stop them from happening; plus, it’s rather obvious how difficult the relationship with his body is. 

While, once again, reading Mizu as a binary trans man is not enough, I feel like reading him as cisgender isn’t, either. As if, in any case, the feminine experience and the transmasculine one didn’t overlap in many aspects, also during the most tumultuous parts of transition, if pursued.

What is funniest above all is that the whole discourse is substantially useless. The layers of the show open to an infinite variety of interpretations, none of them fundamentally wrong. Mizu’s just quite literally Mizu. It’s a queer unlabeled thing and that’s it. If you take the Lacanian concept of the Real as the hole, properly uninteligible, surrounded by the Symbolic, you'll find that "Queer" is exquisitely representative of the Real, and therefore every label (the Symbolic) is reductive of the perceived experience (indeed the Real). The fundamental lesson about gender that you can derive from the show is that gender is a performative construct. What it pushes you to do is deconstruct your principles, especially if you are queer, since we are all entrapped in the modern western white need for strict labelling; that’s where this whole debate comes from, and it is, once again, pointless.

So, instead making fun of other people because of a set of pronouns, perhaps it would be better to imagine that more options can cohabit together, or that there is no need to label at all. Also be careful about accusing others of a complete lack of media literacy - you should thoroughly examine yours first.

Interesting articles i guess:

--

Algoso, Teresa A. "'Thoughts on Hermaphroditism': Miyatake Gaikotsu and the Convergence of the Sexes in Taishō Japan." The Journal of Asian Studies 65, no. 3 (2006): 555–573. Algoso, Teresa A. "Not Suitable as a Man? Conscription, Masculinity, and Hermaphroditism in Early Twentieth-Century Japan." Chap. 11 In Recreating Japanese Men, edited by Sabine Frühstück and Anne Walthall. Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011, 241–261. Mostow, Joshua S. “The Gender of Wakashu and the Grammar of Desire.” In Gender and Power in the Japanese Visual Field, edited by Joshua S. Mostow, Norman Bryson, and Maribeth Graybill. Honolulu: University of Hawai’i Press 2003, 49–70.

taken from this post asking about transgender men in the edo period: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/p6x4jk/comment/h9ttgv4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

As a final unrelated note, I haven’t seen anyone praise the MASTERFUL sound design 

bye 🪳🪳🪳🪳🪳

#blue eye samurai #bes #mizu blue eye samurai #queer #queer coding #trans coding #mizu #media analysis #mizu gender #mizu trans man #mizu transgender #in this essay i will #mizu trans #mizu bes #nonbinary #genderqueer #transgender character

[rainbowsans]

Hello! •,• I am fan of yours and I have question I hope is not taken rude,and please do not answer if is uncomfortable question! I mean not to offend nor make uncomfortable (English is my third language sorry if it is bad)I am new learning lgbtqia+ community! Has been cool to meet new lgbtqia+ friends

if it happens to be to personal I hope you’ll ignore or ist say so,but figure you share information so maybe it ok? I was wondering how can be one he/him and one lesbian, I like to understand.

can man be lesbian? What that mean to you personal level <3 I know not enough, it can be hard to ask because people become mad when ask questions sometime.. id love to learn and seek to understand but if not good question then I am very sorry to you! I hope you have beautiful day or nighttime lovely person!

🩶

okay first and further most

im non-binary, NOT a man. thats a VERY important part of the he/him lesbian label. Men cannot be lesbian, PERIOD.

i use he/him pronouns because i am comfortable with using them, pronouns do not equal gender. you can use any pronouns and be cis, gay, lesbian, etc...

"a he/him lesbian is a non-binary masculine, feminine, or non-aligned person who identifies as a lesbian and chooses to go by he/him pronouns (or a woman that identifies as a lesbian and chooses to go by those pronouns). you can be a lesbian as long as you're not a man and go by any pronouns you wish to go by. if you're a woman or a non-binary person, no matter your alignment, you can be a lesbian."

quote is from this helpful carrd

so yeah, im a nonbinary individual who has a leaning preference to non/male aligned folks so i am a lesbian, i just use he/him pronouns because those are what i am most comfortable with using.

i've spent years trying to figure out my sexuality and i realized that i connect more in being a lesbian than pansexual back in early high school, it made me feel like i found a piece in myself that i was missing for so long if that makes sense, i feel complete, more of myself now.

#txt #i tried so hard to not take any offense of being called a 'man' but hope this helps #this is my personal experience being a nonbinary he/him lesbian

[cowboyjen68]

Dear Jen--

I'm writing to ask you if you ever felt pressure to be a "good butch" or a "good masc". If there was a ever a time when you felt there was one specific way to present yourself, how did you go against that? I'm a stone butch, I'm sensitive and kind and I know that all of these things have to exist within me at the same time so I can be myself, but sometimes I feel like I'm not being a butch the "right way". I know there isn't one way to be anything, especially queer, but I never got any advice when I was young, any consolation when I realized I was a lesbian and was too scared to accept it. I never had an "elder" to guide me. At least no one like you. I hope you've been enjoying your spring.

When I first heard the word “butch” I was intrigued because so many of the traits fit me. Being mistaken for “not a woman”, being told “you should have been a boy” and how I related to women was a shared thread from the bits and pieces of stories I heard from older butches.

I was handed a copy of Stone Butch Blues while camping at a  women’s festival and it made me sad rather than comforted. I thought perhaps I could not be butch because I just did not relate to Leslie, (the book is NOT an exact autobiography but is often mistaken as such).   I had not experienced much of the trauma nor the harshness in life Leslie dealt with, both in real life and the character in the book. 

It was another year before someone, besides my girlfriend, referred to me as butch. Having a stranger call me that truly changed how I saw myself. All my friends were like “yeah.. Duh”.    I was told by one elder butch 20 years my senior that SBB is the story of ONE butch, not the story of ALL butches. That helped me understand we are not all the same in all ways. We share certain experiences and those differ based on location, upbringing and, most importantly, our personalities. We are as varied as any part of the lesbian (and human) population. At that point I really started to embrace being butch and using that part of my lesbian story to inform my life, to do what made me happy and not what I was “supposed to do” as directed by my culture or even by other lesbians who were not butch. 

I am so glad you reached out. It makes me sad that so many young butches do not benefit from the real life community of lesbians and butches who have live through and been where you are right now. I want you to know, you are not alone and we understand. I understand. What you are feeling is not unusual for butches. You are not bound to reach some “standard” of butchness.  There is no scale, except for fun and to sort of bond over the humor of our shared stories. 

You can be masculine and mistaken for a man, and called “unapproachable:” or perceived as rough or scary or told you are not “like other women” but the fact is you are like many other women and you are allowed to have your own personality. YOU are allowed to be  Quiet, soft, gentle, vulnerable or outgoing, loud and funny or any mix of these and you can still be butch. 

I have been told I am too short and happy to be butch. Neither of those things informs my butchness but I had to learn that through the guidance of butches. 

You are great just the way you are. 

#lesbian #butch #older butch #younger butches

[ftmtftm]

I'm having a lot of feelings tonight about the ways in which I was very explicitly raised in (radfem-y) feminist spaces and told "you can be whatever you want to be"... until I was a man. Until I saw beauty in masculinity. Until I thought being hairy and sweaty and having a low voice was something wonderful and desirable not just in a partner but in myself. Until I changed my pronouns and became a gender traitor despite nothing else about who I am as a person changing.

There's a weird kind of hurt growing up in a "progressive" home where it feels like your mother is gunning for you to be a lesbian like your butch cousin before you came out as a gender traitor but the second your sister comes out and says she's a dyke there's a problem because having two queer children can't be possible.

There's an awful kind of hurt continuing to pursue activism because I grew up on protest music I don't think my parents ever actually internalized. I think it's an autism thing for myself, really. Because it's something that feels hypocritical to me in a way I feel boils down to the way I conceptualize justice and morality, which I view very autistically. It lead me to wanting to pursue academic studies in sociology, to learn how systems of oppression work, to learn the language used to help people describe their experiences in the world and in turn learn about them. And then? I was shoved out. Because a gender traitor can't understand and if "he" does then she's really just doing this all for attention and she should really just admit she's actually still a young woman. She's just one of the girls and she should accept that. If "he" wants to be a "real man" why does "he" care so much? That's so... predatory. That's so unsafe to be around.

It's just. Sad. And I'm sad. My body didn't go away when I came out. My history didn't go away when I came out. I know that some people experience gender in a very separated way but fuck. I was a girl, and I was a man, and now they live together inside of me and I am both my past and my present. I know how I am most comfortable but my bones hold years of mistreatment based on the ways others forcibly gendered me on the basis of my physical sex. I am not cis passing in any capacity and I hold the ways I am still harmed by the forcible gendering of my body close to my chest. And I don't expect everyone else to feel that way about their own identity, that's just how I feel about my own sense of self. And I know some other people do feel similarly. And I just. Want To Have The Words For It.

I just want to have language that's been denied to me and others like myself. That's why I care about the term transandrophobia. Only those who seek to harm marginalized groups benefit from those groups not being able to speak for themselves by having a lack of language for their experiences.

#transandrophobia #original post #this is really rambly and personal please don't take it the same way as my more serious discourse posts #i'm just feeling very sad and lamenting the ways in which i feel i am a part of the world tonight

[sun-citadel]

The violet sapphic flag

I decided to start work on a sapphic flag, as the original one did not feel inclusive to masculine presenting sapphics. The inclusive sapphic flag also felt too random for me to feel aligned, so I spent time researching a flag design

Excuse any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language.

Info below. Original thread here.

1. Why violets ?

The poetry of Sapphos often included talk of violet crowns, with one of her famous poems reading ;

` … Many crowns of violets,

roses and crocuses

…together you set before more

and many scented wreaths

made from blossoms

around your soft throat… `

Violets historically are considered a symbol of sapphic love and the LGBT movement, and are seen in pop culture, such as the cult classic lesbian movie, Bound. A 1926 play also involved a woman sending violets to another, as a potential nod to Sapphos. When the poem was censored / boycotted, women would send violets in support.

To say violets were not a part of LGBT + , and primarily spaphic / lesbian history would be a false statement.

2. Why these colours ?

I colour picked from violets themselves, primarily the African and common violet. One for their inclusion of white, and the other for its range of hues from more blue to magenta. I felt they could align with the various presentations seen within sapphic culture, as I myself ID as transmasculine / presently as a soft butch. There are those who are transfemme, femme, masc, androgynous, etc., and this various spectrum of colours I feel could align with how the community is not just one, but various shade of violet.

I spent time researching LGBT history, and have come up with meanings for these specific colours. They were carefully chosen for both traditional colour meanings, as well as symbolisms that align with the LGBT+ community.

From lavander to pink, both colours have a history of representing the community, and have become symbols reclaimed. From sapphos flowers, to the pink triangle, it is important to remember our history and struggles. Pink triangles itself was used as a symbol for transwomen, as an identifier for example [ as well as gay individuals, but this isn't about them at this time ] , but have been reclaimed to represent lgbt+ rights and our struggles. It is important to never forget those who came before us.

Each colour was picked based off traditional meanings, as well as identifying traits of the community.

3. Colour meanings?

From top to bottom, these colour meanings are ;

1. Femininity, health.

Pink is associated with femininity, so this is for the purely femme presenting individuals, whether trans, nb, or however they ID. It also is the colour of love, and health [ ex , ` everything is rosy ` meaning good ] .

2. Love, compassion.

A lighter shade of pink is usually associated with love, and with love comes compassion and understanding.

3. Youth and age.

From our lives comes the fact that, we as sapphics, lesbians, etc. know that deep down, this is who we truly are. Whether you're young, or come to the realization later, we live life as our authentic self. May we grow old and happy.

4. Limitless potential.

With those who are not afraid to break the gender / sexual binary, and present in ways uncaring of societal norms.

Whether trans, nonbinary, asexual, or uncaring of labels, I hope you find who you truly are.

5. Soft masculinity.

To be soft and masculine is frowned upon in society, but some of us present in ways that we deem just right. It is an oxymoron on many levels to those who do not understand, but we are indifferent and stand tall.

6. Wisdom.

With our history, we can learn and grow, it is important to never forget it. Ever on we march to assure that we are treated as equals.

7. Serenity, masculinity.

A nod to the original flag that brought us here, while also representing the other side of the spectrum for fully masc individuals. Once again, this is for those in the trans umbrella, or comfortable in their gender.

4. Who can use it ?

Sapphics or anyone who falls into that general category.

TERF / SWERFS / anyone not inclusive of the trans community are not permitted.

Please do not use if m - spec.

#lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt flags #pride flag #sapphic flag #sapphic #sapphic love #sapphic pride #lesbian #lesbian flag #flag meanings #symbolism #butch #femme #transgender #trans #trans sapphic #violet sapphic flag #sapphos #sun citadel #im so nervous #but its done #lgbt artist

[drdemonprince]

as an autistic transmasc, have you had an issue with your voice tone being a "giveaway", especially early on with learning about your autism and unmasking? I've found for myself that my "customer service voice" or even "public" voice (aka my masking voice) is much more feminine, lighter, and friendlier than my unmasked voice, even pre-testosterone, which often leads to me getting misgendered more in my work place. This happens worse on days where I'm already anxious or having a rough mental health day, so I'm not focusing on unmasking, and so I'm automatically putting up my pre-T mask voice without thinking about it. If you have experience with this, do you have recommendations for working on this?

Growing up, I had a lot of gay male friends who would invariably get "ma'amed" on the phone. They continued being mistaken for women over the phone after we all grew up, because their voices are lighter, softer, more filled with emotional affect, and just generally more stereotypically feminine than straight men's voices are.

Familiarity with men like these got me comfortable with the idea that my voice can be high, expressive, and feminine without me being a woman, and that people misgendering based upon it isn't even a uniquely transgender experience. Lots of gay men like me have it. So I don't think about it.

If your customer service voice makes you feel dysphoric, you certainly can practice changing it. I have a "straight guy" voice that I will trot out when I'm donating blood or in certain unfamiliar customer service situations. It's low and gruff and flat, very inexpressive; my straightsona is a mopey depressed kind of guy. He gives less emotional energy away to other people. If you're working in customer service, feeling less pressure to do all that emotional labor of being bubbly at people might be desirable, maybe you want to be more gruff. There are a lot of great resources out there on voice training for trans femme people -- I like Stef Sanjati's videos -- and you can adopt the same techniques for practicing a more reflexively masculine voice if you want one, or if it sounds more like the real you to you.

But my real self is expressive and swishy and gay and gets ma'amed over the phone sometimes and doesn't give a shit! So I don't worry about how people interpret my voice. Your mileage may vary anon, but I'm of the opinion no trans person should have to worry about vocal training and that one of our most attractive qualities as queer people is our unusual voices.