#hot takes no one asked for

[sonofabludger]

Thoughts on episode:

1. RAVEN KNOWS WHAT HAPPED OMG IS THAT WHY SHE WENT FULL BANDIT AND HATES OZ???? HOW MESSED UP WAS THIS MISSION???

2. Neo may be good guy now who wants friends? Ugh like I don’t want to feel bad for her about the Torchwick moment but can’t help myself.

3. Jaune’s voice change with his appearance had me ROLLING like he’s a prepubescent dude 😂

4. The 4 of them was what this God was striving for all along? Send me to go cry inconsolably.

5. Juniper and Somewhat going off to save the world is amazing and Jaune crying about it is perfect.

6. All the airships at Vacuo are alarming.

7. VACUO????

8. BLAKE AND YANG NOT BEING ABLE TO NOT HOLD HANDS AT LOOK AT EACH OTHER IS FANTASTIC THEY MAKE EVERY DECISION TOGETHER WITH CONSENT AND NOW I HAVE THEM LAYING TOGETHER EVEN IF JUST BC THRY WERE BLASTED INTO A CUDDLE JFKFKDJSJSBA

9. But… where is my extended version of Worthy?

10. Did… did we just… get a HAPPY ending of a season? HOW AND OMG I WAS ABSOLUTELY EXPECTING SOMETHING MESSED UP

#bumbleby #rwby #rwby spoilers #hot takes no one asked for #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #rwby vol9 #season finale #god I’m a mess #I’m supposed to be working but I’m just crying #jaune arc

[kingcanis]

Feeling compelled to make a Jurassic Park hot take this morning. Ian Malcolm is a fucking idiot and franchise treating him like a prophet entirely misses his character.

Ian Malcolm is a dumb asshole whose whole gig is making predictions with zero context that have a statistically likely chance of being correct even tho8gh he can't tell you how or why.

He's like the venture capitalist version of a fortune teller who can read just enough context clues to give you a reading that's just vague enough to *feel* specific while also being vague enough that you can't hold him accountable for it.

His whole "life finds a way" line is delivered with the narcissistic certainty of a false prophet. Does he know that the dinosaurs can reproduce at this point? No! Does he know about Nedry and the issues if the parks personnel? Again, no. But he delivers that line in that way, and if he's right he gets credibility and if he's wrong he can wave it off.

And both the book and the movie *show* that he's an egotistical ass. "I'm always looking for a future ex-Mrs. Malcolm" like you couldn't have predicted how the complex social interaction of a marriage was going to work out you stale end piece of white bread. I don't have the book in front of me, but I remember reading it for the first time after watching the movie and. Eing really surprised how much I disliked the character.

To even further pick apart his bullshit, chaos theory is about the inherent unpredictability of complex systems. He uses the water droplet thing on the back of Dr. Sattler's hand to demonstrate saying that minute differences impossible for the human eye to perciev3 change the outcome of where the droplet will roll to make it inherently unpredictable.

Except that's not how the scientific method works. The system isn't inherently unpredictable, you've just failed to account for the variables that would allow you to predict the outcome. If you photographed the back of Dr. Sattler's hand, denoted the direction and angle of all the hairs, made notes for s ar tissue and placed the drop at precisely the same spot e ery time, you could build a baseline from which you *would* be able to predict the direction a drop of water was going to roll.

It's not unpredictable, you just haven't done the work to be able to predict it. In sum, Ian Malcolm's "chaos theory" is fundamentally un-scientific horse shit, and thus I suggest we stop engaging with him as a mathematician and more like a palm reader or snake oil salesman. He's very charismatic and very fun to watch/read, but he's always been a con man.

#jurassic park #ian malcolm #hot takes no one asked for #god i love this little slimeball #if JP had come out while tumblr was a thing he'd have been such a popular little blorbo #mathematician (derogatory)

[queefy-5-layer-burrito]

Sean Bonnette from AJJ and Ed Robertson from Barenaked Ladies are the same person just in slightly different fonts.

Like one is singing in Arial and the other in Helvetica.

#especially if you listen to BNL’s more acoustic songs #like snack time #hot takes no one asked for #ajj #ajjtheband #bnl #barenaked ladies #genuinely interested who else is in the middle of this ven diagram with me

[inkskinned]

it takes a really long time to unlearn but there's no such thing as "cheating" or "half-assing" being a person. if you need to leave the cabinet doors open, leave them open. microwave your tea. sit down in the shower. buy the eggmaker. use your phone to calculate tip.

it's mostly fake posterity rules. who cares if you microwave your dinners. who cares if you use instant coffee. who cares if you stop watching the show that got boring. we all have a different set of skills and a different life and taking care of yourself is fucking hard.

at the end of your life there will be no final scoreboard. nobody is going to judge you because you brushed your teeth in the shower. there will be no final count of the number of times you had the same meal five nights in a row. there will be no fanfare or party because you won at being a person - and no one will be disappointed that you never understood the point of using paper towels to dry your hands off after washing them.

yeah, in this world, people will put up a fuss. i've noticed some of the biggest fusses are over what you'll put in/on your body. the fact that i will regularly eat deli meat straight out of the bag makes a lot of people genuinely concerned for me. but here's the thing: sometimes that's the only way i'm getting any protein. my doctor says i am doing fine. i'm sticking to my weird snacks and calling it deconstructed charcuterie.

they'll say they're horrified because you take a shortcut. that's fine. it's just that it looks like a shortcut to them because they're on a different life path. these kinds of things stand out to them as important. that's fine too. but for you? you've got other things that already make you pretty hard working. and these tiny things - well, they're just clutter on your journey.

#before any motherfucker is like <3 #''i know more about this and it IS WRONG to do this THING'' #shhhhh #unless ur a doctor and a patient has specifically asked... shut the FUCK up dude #one of the ways my life has changed in the last few years is like #taking coffee for granted #isn't something i can do #can you stand up for the entirety of making a meal? i can't always #and having some pompousass person be like #MICROWAVE THE WATER? FOR TEA? like . yeah actually i've been in prison for it ever since #''it tastes different!!!'' cool. it's not going into yOUR body. #i personally don't ever make hot chocolate with water. only ever oat/soy milk #but i wouldn't be like ... SIR. I WILL NOW JUDGE THEE #it's just like ableism all the way down innit #ableism and classism and #the expectation of the mental load as a form of being ''good'' #also. besides the like. pots and [redacted medical information] #im doing GREAT actually #>:) i have visible abs even when not flexing #it's bc god prefers me as a lesbian n has rewarded me lately for presenting more openly

[saintsenara]

Not disputing you ofc but do you remember the exact line about ron looking like bill perchance? I would love it for referencing purposes

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

and i am afraid that you're getting a more long-winded answer than you may have been hoping for...

male weasleys are split down the middle into two camps, physically:

charlie, fred, and george are described as being short and stocky [although "short" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, since they're all taller than harry: fred and george shrink when they take polyjuice potion to transform into him in deathly hallows].

the implication - i think - is that charlie and the twins look like molly, who is described several times as short and plump in build. ginny is also described numerous times in the books as short and is said in chapter thirty-three of order of the phoenix to resemble fred and george facially, which, since's she's described in deathly hallows as having her mother's brown eyes - which probably triggered some sort of freudian shudder in harry - means i think we can conclude that this half of the family all look their mam.

[and also that molly is a hottie herself. she often gets turned by the fandom into a fairly sexless being - even though she didn't have those seven children immaculately, did she? - with a strict, prudish vibe. and - to do some discourse for a moment - we all know that the fact that she's described as fat is the direct cause of this. but several men are canonically ready to risk it all for ginny - and it's time we all acknowledged this is because she inherited her bonafide baddie powers straight from molly.]

percy and ron - on the other hand - are, like arthur, described as being tall, thin, and gangly. bill is never explicitly said to be slender, but he is described in the fifth chapter of goblet of fire as "tall" immediately after harry has stated that charlie is short[ish] and broad - which allows us to reasonably infer that he's on the arthur-weasley-skinny-legend side of the family.

and we can also assume - since ron is never said to resemble molly, nor [to harry's great relief] ginny, facially - that his features - his long nose and blue eyes - come from his father, who is also the source of percy's short-sightedness.

and, while harry [the narrative perspective] never says that he thinks arthur is hot - because why would he? - nor percy and ron [although i think it's worth noting that he doesn't consider it ridiculous that both of them manage to pull - and it's never suggested that penelope clearwater and lavender brown aren't cuties] it's actually possible to justify the idea that they are canonically fit using more than pure hot air...

[harry does - obviously - think bill's a babe. he sees fleur checking him out and immediately thinks... same.]

because a very striking narrative choice that the series makes is the idea that all pureblood nuclear family units look identical to each other - which serves as a visual metaphor for the importance of blood-status and lineage within the wizarding world. this is why narcissa malfoy is as pale and blonde as lucius and draco [even though bellatrix and andromeda are dark haired] and why molly is a redhead even though red hair and freckles are stated in the text to be weasley - rather than prewett - traits. harry's resemblance to his pureblood father eases his passage through wizarding society. voldemort's lack of resemblance to his pureblood mother does the opposite.

the weasleys and the malfoys are narrative mirrors within the series - with the fact that ron and draco are both so near-identical to arthur and lucius as to be immediately identifiable as each man's son by anyone who meets them part of this mirroring. it makes sense, then, that since the non-ron weasley children don't have a specific malfoy mirror, the same general principle applies, and the three weasley brothers who are built like arthur also strongly resemble him facially - and that bill also has a long nose [and a long something else, i'll wager!] and a cracking pair of baby blues.

or that if bill is hot, arthur is hot - and therefore if arthur is hot, ron is hot.

[where bill outpaces his brothers, i fear, is that he clearly has rizz - whereas ron's seduction skills are famously weak before he gets his hands on a copy of twelve fail-safe ways to charm witches - i.e. when he cockblocks harry spectacularly by beefing with cho unprovoked about the quidditch team she supports, which always sends me - and percy is... percy.]

[if ron had simply played it cool he could have finessed going to the ball with fleur, and i'll die on that hill...]

#asks answered #ron weasley #hot ron defence league #also I'm sorry but arthur and molly *fuck* and you're all deluding yourselves if you think they don't #harry - on the other hand - is canonically mid #ginny takes the fleur view - i am good-looking enough for both of us #one of the reasons you have to back romione is that she's too clever to risk fumbling him

[r0semultiverse]

#using 'them' because obviously not all transfem folks (myself included) use she & her #add this one to one of my more super hot takes even if it's true #stop canceling trans women over stuff you absolutely get it up for #also making this because of recent events & no I won't elaborate even if you ask me to #and no I won't debate the ethics of adults playing pretend with you as that's silly; a waste of my time #and is also just not what this post is about; you'd think that'd be obvious but watch people not care anyway #feel free to send asks though It's up to me whether or not I want to answer them #this double standard is never done in good faith & is most assuredly transphobia 100% #marking this post as all of the things because I know the people on this site can't behave; I've seen it before #yes you should reblog this btw; this also happens on twitter & reddit I'm sure though I have no twitter #mine #op #fauxcest #sibcon #step mom #siscon #brocon #sibcest #trans memes #transgender memes #cw adult things #cw adult stuff #tagging all of these just to be safe

[amanitacurses]

#linkshipping #loz skywild #link x link #linkxlink #skyward sword #skyward sword link #breath of the wild #breath of the wild link #ss link #sksw #botw link #botw #NOT LINKED UNIVERSE #Messenger of the Goddess AU #this and one other thing were drawn already from yesterday/day before #also off topic: thank you EVERYONE for your requests #whatever is drawn this time will just all be on the same page #and posted all together #I'm sure everyone was sick of seeing me ask for them lol #I just had a busy week with family events and wanted to gather some ideas to sketch out while I was out #to then make digital later #That said it's probably gonna be a hot minute before I take more haha

[i-made-a-bg3-blog]

In honor of the updated release date, it is once again time to make a shitpost no one would ever care about.

Ranking BG3 companions from worst to best cooks:

5. Astarion

You know this motherfucker has never cooked a day in his life, even before he was a vampire. In fact, I have a hard time imagining him eating at all. He's that guy who is perpetually late, always hungover (but like in a chic way), and his diet consists of red wine, cigarettes, and cocaine. Also, he always has an iced coffee, even when there is no conceivable way he could have gotten one. No, I have not thought a lot about this, what are you talking about?

4. Lae'zel

Lae'zel seems like she's a 'food is food' kind of person. Her cooking is edible, but that's about it. She refuses to cater to weak, lesser races by adding any kind of seasoning.

3. Shadowheart

The thing is, has Shadowheart actually cooked for the group? Cause I can imagine Tav asking her, and her questioning why they're asking her specifically, and then Tav worries that they've said something offensive. Mostly she just doesn't want to, and this is a very effective method for avoiding it.

2. Wyll

Wyll is a good cook, but he has a tendency to get a little too creative. Everyone dreads when he starts talking about a new recipe idea he's had because it'll end up being something like watermelon-braised boar meat stuffed into a pumpkin.

1. Gale

Does Gale like cooking? Probably not. However, Gale refuses to be bad at anything. Also, he's one of those super annoying people who act faux-humble about something they are obviously really good at. He'd be like, 'oh no, it's nothing special' after making a souffle in the middle of goddamned woods, but you know he knows. God he's so annoying. I love him.

#another bg3 shitpost #bg3 hot takes??? #my place in the discourse is asking the questions no one has ever given a fuck about #and then having psycho opinions about them #astarion #gale #wyll #lae'zel #shadowheart #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

[horsefigureoftheday]

Have you ever read the Green Rider series? It's a very horse-centric fantasy series.

I haven't! I actually never read that many horse books. I had a brief fling with a couple kids series around 1st-4th grade, but since then I've mostly read typical fantasy and light horror - stuff like The Edge Chronicles and Cirque du Freak, and, more recently, The Chronicles of Osreth and gothic classics.

#ask #not horse of the day #i swear i have interests outside of horses hfjdhdgfkg #ask me about my frankenstein hot takes it's one of my favorite books and i'm the only person on the planet who understands it /j

[tennessoui]

what do yall think of a modern au where like. anakin and obi-wan are hired to be extras in the background of a sitcom, and they're paired together to talk at a restaurant/bar while the main characters have drama in the foreground of the scene

but the star actors keep messing up their lines and the scene keeps needing to be reset, so anakin and obi-wan start actually talking while they're waiting for the cameras to turn back on, and there's obviously a lot of instant attraction but also a lot of their talking is about like...the backstory behind their characters (as extras), and each take they decide to do something a little different to see which one can make the other one laugh more

so one take they go in for a hug instead of a hand shake when anakin arrives, another take they're playing footsie under the table the entire time (even if the cameras can't see it), another take, they're mouthing very obvious corny love confessions across the table, and then during what turns out to be the last take, anakin walks onto the set and greets obi-wan with a kiss on his mouth before they sit down to talk

except it's not talking after that, it's just obi-wan sitting there bug-eyed and mouth open, blush blooming across his face

#kit's silly lil aus #obikin #of course someone notices these hot extras in the background #and blows up the screen to get a pic of them to post on social media or something #it's also probably right before anakin's career takes off #or right after #so like people know who anakin is #maybe a big movie with him in it as like a plucky side character comes out #!!! oh and then obi-wan is cast in the role of like dorky professor in another big movie totally unrelated #and an interviewer pulls up this blown up photo of one of them #and she's like hey so is this you? #and anakin is like omg haha yes it is 😳😂 it was so unprofessional and if i could find him i would apologize #and obi-wan is asked about it in a different interview for his big project #and he's like?? apologize? i don't accept #unless it comes with another kiss 😘

[luobingmeis]

my jgy thoughts have been expanding and adapting and roiling and toiling etc etc etc and all of it is coming down to me affectionately marveling at this character. he’s cut-throat. he’s cunning. his kindness leaves lasting impressions. his mercy is what predates his demise. he’s one of the few cultivators who helps those in need. he will sacrifice them if it benefits him. he loved. it didn’t last. it killed him. it orchestrated his downfall. he’s a genius. he’s paranoid. he compartmentalizes. he splits the world into who he would sacrifice and who he would not. people he loves and people he would sacrifice are not mutually exclusive. he’s filial to a fault. it was all for his mother. he is a study in assimilating to survive. the results vary. he manipulates the herd mentality to his benefit. it is turned against him. he is killed for the one thing he didn’t do by the one person he wouldn’t sacrifice. it is still somehow better than what the hive-mind cultivation world would have done. i love this tragic kaleidoscope of a character.

#this was sparked out of my love for jgy #my in-the-tags hot take is that i am just increasingly bored by unironic jgy did nothing wrong takes adfksks #like the statements that he is a victim and he has done helpful things and he has done harmful things. are also not mutually exclusive! #and i think that makes him fun :] #if jgy wasn’t a little fucked up he’d be boring #like it’s /fun/ to me that imo he was overtly targeted by nmj #but nmj was also like the last like of defense before the jins completely abused their power #like! we love duality. we love contradictions #i won’t even say ‘ask me abt how jgy views the concept of hurt’ bc i’m gonna tell you! #i personally believe that he was being honest when he said lxc was the one person he didn’t want to hurt #i just also believe that he doesn’t see the things he has done #namely the use of the fucked up song of clarity #as things that would hurt lxc #bc they weren’t done /to/ him! #lxc was just a pawn in that moment #and while i believe that jgy most of the time did not. pawn-ify. lxc #by taking the song of clarity (something entrusted to him by lxc) #and using it to kill nmj (someone jgy cared abt) #that hurts lxc! #i feel embarrassed i was like ‘let u tell me u my big jgy thesis paper’ and idk if it landed #but i feel like jgy sees ‘hurt’ as what is done to you #not what happens around you

[alphashley14]

🎃👻🔥Halloween Hot Take: 🔥👻🎃

Why does Joel Glicker, Wednesday’s nerd boyfriend from Camp Chippewa in ‘Addams Family Values,’ look like a young Egon Spengler?

#I smell a fic that absolutely no one asked for #seriously tho does anyone else see the resemblance? #he obviously collects spores mold and fungus #egon spengler #wednesday addams #Also nerd kid’s name is Joel Glicker #didn’t know that until I googled it #as many times as I’ve watched that movie #a travesty #addams family #the addams family #addams family values #ghostbusters #ghostbusters 2 #ghostbusters afterlife #Egon Spengler ghostbusters #the resemblance is uncanny #halloween #Halloween hot take #spooky movies #spooky season #joel glicker #and just like that a fanfic idea is born #shit I’mma have to make a whole separate post about it

[comradekatara]

i’m such a huge katara fan she’s everything and i’ve always defended her rage about her mom because even if it might be overused it’s still her fucking MOM and also makes her a more complex character. girls should be allowed to show anger and passion and that feels like the bare minimum. i refuse to watch the show if katara was giving us nothing.

also as much as i wish azula’s storyline was handled better in the show (as in getting a real conclusion and giving her help) they did NOT do it the right way.

right like I’ll never deny that katara is flawed (it’s what makes her. a good character) but the notion that her grief and rage over her MOTHER who SACRIFICED HER LIFE to SAVE HER is somehow TOO MUCH is INSANE. like, if anything, katara’s “too muchness” is what makes her so wonderful, but also, there are plenty of moments where she behaves unreasonably or irrationally or her good intentions are nonetheless executed poorly (she is a child btw) and her grieving her murdered mother is never one of those moments. even when she says that to sokka in “the southern raiders” it’s obviously hurtful but it’s also coming from a place of genuine feeling and resentment and she’s not wrong to feel like she and sokka grieved her differently, even if she phrases it in a pretty callous way. there are some things she says and does that are inexcusable (eg, making fun of a girl you just met for being blind and then never actually apologizing) but the depth of her rage, just like, in general is not only incredibly valid (literally just put yourself in her shoes for a second. would you not be filled with rage every minute of every day?) but also beautiful and inspirational. stripping her of her flaws, her agency, her passion, and her depth of feeling (not only wrt natla but also the comics, lok, and of course, the fandom) is honestly criminal. she is the girl of all time and yet everyone’s trying to reduce her to a prop, an object, a site of projection, a blank canvas. natla katara, for example, isn’t even even the girl of the hour the minute the second…… look at how they’re massacring my beautiful girl. actually don’t look. avert your eyes in fact. alas.

as for azula, i really don’t think that her arc is handled poorly in the show at all. the comics are certainly another matter, and what they do to her there is appalling (specifically what gene yang does to her), but the way her arc concludes in the show is good i think. in the immortal words of fiona apple, “nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key.” it would actually be strange if they somehow speedran her breakdown and then “redeemed”/healed her so that she could get a happy ending. it simply wouldn’t cohere. azula’s downfall is very deliberate and heartbreaking and i wouldn’t trade the impact of her arc for a more facile and shallow resolution. some people simply cannot appreciate the value of a tragedy i guess.

#sapphikatara #asks #katara #azula #hot takes #they are such beautiful gorgeous girls who no one understands :((

[emberglowfox]

I have a habit of taking pictures in the middle of battle in botw and totk so all of my enemies are about to beat my ass, how bout yours?

yeah.

#taking pictures in combat is one of my fav things to do in this game but i lose so many of them by dying before i can save lol #i love posing w lynels its the best #totk #ask #anon #sparks speaks #i took 3902093% pictures w this gleeok because i thought link's “i'm too hot” face was hysterical #i keep meaning to redraw this ill do it eventually

[nighttimenothings]

it's so easy to find someone attractive, but it's harder to find someone who's in tune with their emotions and knows how to regulate it?? like finding someone emotionally stable, or at the very least, knows how to communicate what they need is so very difficult.

not saying i'm the perfect example of that, but just Trying is enough, you know? being unable to communicate or being mature about what you need and can give a partner is the quickest way to turn me off, honestly. it's just so simple and clear-cut to me, and when someone else can't meet me there, it's just immediately a no from me.

it's not my job to fix someone or change them. i mean, yeah, i can communicate how i feel with someone, but if they can't or won't address the issue, i just don't feel like it's worth sticking around. my mental health deserves better. *i* deserve better.

i think about this a lot actually, and it all comes back down to, like, the bare minimum. people settle for the bare minimum literally every single day. i hear "oh, but they're nice and funny" all the damn time. okay??? and??? so your partner is playing limbo with a bar in hell. good! great! but you deserve so much more than that?? why should you be settling for less??

every and all relationships are a two way street. it's a give and take system. you should be able to talk to each other, and if not, that's something to reflect on.

#this is all over the place and i'm just. so Effected by this. #it's why finding a partner is so difficult bc i feel like so many people can't communicate properly #like i don't have time for this shit!!! #and maybe that's a hot take and an unwelcome opinion but hey if you don't fuck with this no one is asking you to stick around my blog #lesbian #sapphic #wlw #men and minors dni #nighttimerambles #NNlongnights

[becca-e-barnes]

any chance you could write stepdad!steve catching you sneak back in from a party?

Pleaseeeeee 🤤 This is a lil short one but I might give it a second part

"What time do you call this?" You knew you were fucked when the taxi dropped you home and the light in your kitchen illuminated the drive way. Your mum made a habit of turning it off every night and you were only getting away with this if everyone was asleep.

It was well past the time your mum and stepdad usually went to bed. Hell, it was well past the time you usually went to bed yourself. You didn't often stay up to 2:37am and you absolutely never stayed out that late. Despite the fact you're in your 20's, your new stepdad had set the rule that you were to be home by 1am every night. No exceptions. Asshole.

It usually wasn't hard to follow his rules. No boys in your bedroom. Don't stay out late. Fill up the fuel you use in the car. Nothing really out of the ordinary. But then again, he kept telling you that you weren't the rule breaking type anyway.

"Sorry, I lost track of time." You did your best to avoid looking at your stepfather while you lied through your teeth. You'd known damn well what time it was and you'd had every intention of staying out until the lights in the club came back on. You just didn't think you'd get caught.

"Mhm." Steve's hum almost sounded convincing, pausing while he folded his arms, his navy blue pyjama top straining around his biceps. "You expect me to believe that? You're a bright girl, sweetheart. I know you can tell the time."

Damn your own body for betraying you like this. His praise makes your tummy flutter and you know it's so damn wrong.

"I know you want to be a good girl, don't you?" He pauses again, waiting for your response and he seems satisfied when you nod. "Always so well behaved for me. You know what? I'll let you pick your own punishment. Just this once." His eyes are trained on your face, watching for any sign of discomfort at the way things are progressing.

"Option 1. I confiscate your car keys." Fair enough but that would be really inconvenient. "Option 2. I confiscate your phone." Oh no, absolutely not. "Option 3. I confiscate that shitty little vibrator you keep in the drawer beside your bed."

How does he even know you have that? It's mortifying enough that he feels able to punish you but this is a step further than you were expecting.

"No need to be shy about it, honey. I get it. You've got needs. Nothing to be embarrassed about. And if it makes you feel better, I could show you how a real man should touch you. You'll forget that little plastic thing even exists."

Fuck, that's an offer you could only ever have dreamed of. In fact, it's painfully close to what you imagine while you're frantically rolling the vibrator in question over your own clit.

"If you'd rather lose your car keys or your phone, feel free. Choice is yours." Steve sounds awfully nonchalant for someone who's just made a proposal like that but there's no chance you're turning down his offer.

"Option 3." Your voice is barely a squeak and you almost think you've made the wrong decision when Steve raises an eyebrow.

"Good girl. Go get it."

#asks answered <3 #anon #becca writes spice #stepdad!Steve rogers #Steve rogers x reader smut #Steve rogers smut #tw: stepdad #tw: stepcest #a short one #because I've been writing my essay all day and I need to get back to it #I needed a break from it #I took some leave from work this week and now I don't want to go back tomorrow 😩 #I had the best time off #chilling in a hot tub #taking myself to nice restaurants #going on walks in a city I'm not familiar with #coffee shops with a good book #doing a lil bit of shopping #found a new MSc I think I'd LOVE