#hopefully it wears off by tomorrow but I may be stuck like this until saturday

[inverse-problem]

ough my physical body is kicking my metaphorical ass

#vaccine side effects strike again #I keep getting hit with the full body joint pain and this time is no different #gonna hit some mild painkillers before I sleep I guess #hopefully it wears off by tomorrow but I may be stuck like this until saturday #ah well it’s just kinda routine to me by now #inverse problem.txt

[bugznews]

Dear Journal, Saturday, March 16, 2024

Sorry I haven’t posted sooner but there was just so much that I had to get done. I feel like that I have been pulled in a million different directions. Now that I can sit down and breathe (hopefully my phone doesn’t go off). I will write today’s post.

I will admit the hardest part for me to get on the computer each day is my video game addiction. The reason I have that is because I am always stuck at home. Like for instance, it is a beautiful day and I have been unable to enjoy the nice weather.

My phone has been ringing off the hook. I have had an endless number of texts and alerts.

Then I had someone coming over from my church to see us. Just so you know I did the bug method of cleaning off the couch before they got here. I basically grab everything off the couch and then I throw it in my mom’s room. Since now she works on the weekend it doesn’t matter.

All this is going to change on Monday, March 18, 2024. She will work Monday – Friday (Midnight – 8am). My whole world is going to be turned upside down and inside out.

To avoid any of the usual pitfalls that I normally experience with changes I am starting to keep my own planner so I can do my part to keep everything running smoothly. If you want to do this as well for some reason you can go to the Microsoft Word templates and select what you need. This doesn’t have to be an expensive one. That is why I choose something that was already available to me.

You see I already must pay for Microsoft word because I do journalism as well. I am using it right now for making this blog. It is quite handy. I will be setting up my planner as soon as I get this done. That way it is all set up when my mom starts her new work schedule on Monday.

Other than that, I think that today has gone well. Both me and my mom picked out some summer clothes. I will admit that some of our clothes are sad if I am being honest. I got some new basketball shorts and tank tops. My mom needed some new work clothes and shoes. I hope that these blogs have been helping all of you out there that are reading this.

If there is an issue that you want me to talk about feel free to leave a comment. You never know you may get your wish. After of course I consult with my source who happens to be a (CSW) (Crisis Stabilization Worker).

I am enjoying the nice weather that I have been able to enjoy since the sun decided to pop out of its hiding place. We are 60 degrees warm. I have even busted out a pair of my old basketball shorts just for today. I truthfully would rather wear shorts anyways but sometimes it must be sweats. Along with a sweatshirt.

Sorry I am editing as I write this. Unfortunately, it does tend to slow me down when I do it this way. Because every time I see that blue line I must go back and fix it like a good little girl.

I do wait until the end of typing a full page before I break it into paragraphs. This is another trick I learned in school. I am just watching news for the day and then I have some other stuff to do before I go to bed.

I hope you are all doing well out there. I would love to hear from you. But I understand that you might be shy. Please also hit the follow button on my blog so I can see what you post. Even if it is just pictures. Getting to know my readers is important if I am going to be able to help my readers with their own struggles. So, help me to help you.

I can’t believe how much I have already written today. I get so relaxed when I start to write. Even if I am rushed. I could easily fall asleep. That is how I relax sometimes. Besides this isn’t just a blog it is also my journal. So I unload a lot of things that are bugging me from time to time. I got to go do some stuff so have a great night. More tomorrow.

#mental health awareness

[hunflowers]

Skating Lessons

Word Count: 15k

Requested? Nope, but you always can here :)

Mood board

A/N: She is here! She was a doozy to write but I love her so much and I hope you do too <3 Enjoy babydaddy!Harry, and if you do (or if you don’t) throw some feedback my way, really helps a girl out y’know. *nose boops*

“Y/N!”

It was the voice she hated hearing. The voice she despised. The voice that brought her stress more than anything else in her life.

The voice of her landlord. Old Man Chris as she likes to call him. He was the typical stingy, grumpy old man that owned a small little apartment and hardly gave the young girl room to breathe when it came to rent money.

She always gave her money, albeit sometimes a day or two late, but that didn’t change the fact that she still gave him his expected money. This time was a little different however, seeing how she was already a week late, and at this rate going on to be two weeks late.

But, she was so close to giving him the money, plus a little extra to hold her over for next month. All Y/N needed was a few more days. Money had been very tight this past month for reasons she’d rather not discuss with Chris, and she knows she’s in the wrong, but she will get him that money.

Flipping onto her stomach in bed, Y/N holds her pillow over her head to try and drown out the incessant pounding on her front door. It was most likely just past seven in the morning, and Y/N had a very long day yesterday, so all she wanted to do was sleep away her worries for just a little while longer. Clearly, Old Man Chris had different intentions.

Y/N let out a very guttural groan as she threw off her blanket, slid her feet into her fluffy slippers, and wrapped her robe around her body before stomping to the door with a faux smile plastered across her face.

“Morning Chris,” she chirped, looking eye to eye with the man who looked like he was ready to stab her. Although he seemed like a miserable old man, he wasn’t always so bad. When the two met, Y/N was in a much darker place than she is now. Chris has children of his own so when he saw how desperate she was for help, his heart yearned for her.

It was a love-hate relationship the two shared.

“Is there something I can do for you, so early in the morning?”

He gave Y/N that knowing look that she had seen every month that she’s lived here. The look that said you know why I’m here, now hand it over. And in return, every time, she gave him that sheepish smile.

“Y/N, I can’t let this go on any further.”

“Chris, please, you don’t understand. I promise just a few more days,” she begged, clasping her hands together and bringing them up to her chin. He sighed, shaking his head and placing his hands on his hips as he looked down to the floor. She had a soft spot in his heart, so it was always so difficult for him to put his foot down, but he couldn’t let this go on any further.

He looked back up at her, noticing the way she pouted her bottom lip just like how his daughter does when she wants something. It’s hard for him to say no. “You have until Sunday, Y/N. I mean it. I can’t accept this anymore. Don’t pay your rent on the fifteenth, and I’m kicking you out.”

Y/N nodded her head graciously, not knowing whether or not to hug her landlord. He wasn’t too keen on human contact so she just gave him her brightest smile as he walked back down the stairs that led to her apartment.

It was Thursday, meaning she had two days plus the rest of today to gather up as much money as possible. One of her jobs pays tomorrow, and despite other bills she has to take out of that money, she should still have enough to get her that rent money.

Closing the door behind her, Y/N looked around at her apartment, taking in a deep breath and deciding to make herself some coffee since there was no chance she was going to be able to fall back asleep. Not that she had the choice to anyway, because she had to get downstairs as soon as possible if she wanted to keep her apartment.

By the time she managed to get the tiredness out of her system, it was a little past eight-thirty. Y/N locked her door behind her, hurriedly running downstairs and to her day job.

From nine to six, Y/N ran her ice skating lessons down at the local ice rink. And although there weren’t a lot of people that came to her for lessons, by the time six o’clock rolls around, Y/N is beyond exhausted.

But then seven comes, and she’s running to her night job as a waitress to one of the more popular restaurants in town. And by more popular, it’s a nonstop rotating door of people walking inside until it closes at midnight. But, even though it closes at midnight, that doesn’t stop the people already inside from taking their sweet time in leaving. Last night, the last group of people left at one-thirty, and they didn’t even leave a good tip. She survives off minimum wage there, and even though she’s been working there for nearly a year, a raise was out of the question. The owners hardly ever pay more than what they’re supposed to. But they’re the only ones who’ve given her a job and at this point, she had no choice but to stay.

Ann and her daughter Olivia were the first to stroll in once it was nine in the morning. They always book the first slots every Tuesday and Thursday because they both claimed to be early birds. And it was good for them, because being the first ones means they get Y/N when she’s not completely wiped out.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Olivia said happily, running up to her skate teacher and giving her a big hug. Olivia had just turned six last Thursday, and she was the most exuberant six year old Y/N had ever met. She gets it from Ann, because like Olivia, Ann always seemed to have a smile on her face.

Returning the hug, Y/N squeezed the little girl, standing up and twirling her around before placing her back down onto her tiny feet. “Good morning, Livie! Let’s get started shall we?”

❊ ❊

It was almost five, and no one had booked a lesson within the last hour. Usually after school gets a bit busier, but of course, when Y/N really needs it to get busy, it doesn’t, leaving her to sulk around for an hour as she thinks of what she has to cut from her budget for the upcoming months.

As the sun sets, Y/N decides to cut time early, to give herself that extra ten minutes to herself in bed before she heads off to her second job. When she sits on a bench to unlace her skates, she hears the door to the rink open. Turning around to see whoever walked in, for a split second, the breath is taken out of Y/N’s lungs as she sees the most handsome man standing before her and the small girl clinging to his leg.

But, just for a split second.

Gaining her composure, Y/N puts on her best smile as they made eye contact, yanking the skate off her foot. “Are you Y/N?”

A little taken aback by the question, since she didn’t expect this fine man to be there for her, she could only nod her head in response. “Great! I was uh – wondering if I could sign my daughter up for lessons?”

Y/N looked at the little girl, noticing the shyness as she stood mostly behind her father. She had cute, big brown eyes that matched her dark brown hair. She had a bit of pudge to her rosy cheeks and it took everything in Y/N to not reach down and give them a pinch.

Y/N was a sucker for children. Well, other people’s children. She wasn’t so sure she wanted any herself. Too many things were bound to go wrong if she had a child of her own and she’d rather not give that human being a fucked up life like her own if she had any say in the matter.

“Uh, yeah, of course! I always love teaching someone new. Especially if they’re as cute as her,” she gushed, making the little girl’s cheeks redden even more, and a small smile wormed its way onto her lips. Y/N took notice of the girl’s missing front tooth.

“Well,” the man looked down to his daughter, a smile of his own on his face as he reached down and picked her up into his arms, “that’s great news! Isn’t it, Abby?”

Abby nodded her head quickly but then soon stuck her head into the crevice between her father’s neck and shoulder, looking away from the woman. Soon, with enough of Y/N’s charm, Abby won’t be too shy to even look at her. That’ll be one of Y/N’s missions, as well as teaching her how to ice skate.

“I’m Harry,” the man stated when he realized he hadn’t introduced himself properly yet. He stuck out his hand, waiting for Y/N to grasp it in a friendly shake.

“Y/N. Do you want to sign her up for private lessons? Or group ones? Or both?”

Then they worked out the logistics of when Abby was going to come in for her lessons, the answer being at noon every Monday, Wednesday for her private lessons, and Saturday with a group around her same beginner level.

When everything was settled, including the pricing for the private and group lessons, Y/N took notice of the time and that twenty minutes had passed. She cursed herself mentally, because instead of gaining an extra ten minutes of rest, she now lost ten. She lost time as her and Harry made small conversation over Abby’s sudden need to figure skate and how they had to go searching immediately. The entire time Abby stayed quiet though, hardly lifting her head from her father’s shoulder.

When Y/N escorted the pair out of the rink, Abby quickly glanced at her before ducking her head back out of sight. For some reason, Y/N found the little girl very interesting - not to mention adorable - so she couldn’t wait for Saturday to see her again and hopefully work the girl into warming up to her. Also wouldn’t mind seeing her father again. Although, Y/N did have this lingering thought in the back of her mind that he surely was off limits, because he has a daughter who has a mother, and that mother is probably his wife or fiancee or girlfriend, whatever the case may be. But, Y/N did take notice that he wasn’t wearing a wedding band. Again, not that that means anything, because he could have a girlfriend, or maybe he forgot to put it on today.

So, Y/N pushed all intimate thoughts to the back of her mind because she deemed it useless, and didn’t want to get her hopes up.

Plus, she had a lot bigger, more pressing issues to think about.

When they finally started to separate, their small talk diminishing, a new voice spoke up for the first time that evening. “Daddy?”

Harry quickly looked to his daughter who squeaked out the soft call, raising his eyebrows in surprise, not expecting her to say anything in front of the stranger. “Yes, baby?”

“We get food now?”

Even her voice had Y/N swooning and wanting to coo at the girl. Abby was just that cute.

Then they officially parted ways, not before Harry spoke the words We’ll see you Saturday that had Y/N’s heart pick up pace for whatever reason. We’ll see you Saturday. We’ll see you.

We’ll.

Y/N can’t remember the last time something so trivial made her happy to see the next day. It was stupid, honestly, because why would something so small from someone so irrelevant in her life, make her this excited?

Only time would tell.

And clearly it made a bigger impact on her than she had intended. Because the moment she stepped into her restaurant for the night, her coworker, Kelly, who she likes to think of as her closest friend, immediately picked up on her brighter mood. Y/N was questioned without hesitation, because ever since Kelly met Y/N, she couldn’t help but feel bad for her because Y/N was always on the quieter side, keeping to herself and finding it difficult to open herself up to anyone who was interested. It was rare finding a genuine smile on her face, and so the fact she walked in actually happy something must’ve happened.

Y/N clearly denied because nothing did happen. All that happened was she met an extremely good looking dad with an adorable daughter and she was probably going to keep seeing them for at least a little while. It was just nice having something to look forward to lately.

“Make a move then!” Kelly continued on with their last conversation that had been interrupted.

Y/N rolled her eyes at the statement, finishing up making the bill for her last table. “That’s not gonna happen.”

“And why not?”

“He has a daughter which means there’s a mother who could be his wife or fiancée or girlfriend,” she stresses, turning to her friend with a bored look.

Kelly scoffed, “Or she’s not in the picture. Won’t know until you try.”

“Or I could save myself the embarrassment.”

“You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met, y’know that?”

Y/N shrugs, her chin turning towards her shoulder in a mocking manner as if to say she’s proud to hold that title. She was being stubborn but for good reason. She didn’t feel this need to want to make a move and in the end she knew nothing good would come out of it because that tended to be her luck, so she was protecting herself and saving herself from any unwarranted feelings and such.

And the idea of Harry made her sad the more she thought about it. Because being in a relationship was something she couldn’t have. It just wasn’t in her future and over the years she’s grown to get used to that. So it was best she admired from afar, because that would be the only way she could stay… happy.

❊ ❊

Saturday rolled around a lot faster than usual. During a normal week it felt like years until the weekend rolled around – not that the weekend even really mattered because it wasn’t like Y/N got to go out and have fun anymore, but the idea of it being the weekend settled her mind because that was another week down the hatch.

It was also time to finally see Harry again. Maybe she was being dramatic because she only saw him two days ago so really it wasn’t that long of a wait, but Friday’s tended to be her most crucial day and it zipped by no problem.

Her normal Saturday crowd rolled around, and so far there had been no sign of Harry strolling in with Abby. Everyone else in her beginner group had arrived and she couldn’t prolong class any longer, so with a clap of her hands and an instruction to begin the basic maneuvers she had taught them, she tried not to focus on his absence. Why sign your daughter up and not show up? If anything that was more rude than anything, but maybe something important came up and all harsh thoughts flew out of Y/N’s head.

Around fifteen minutes after class started, the familiar clanky bang to the entrance of the rink sounded as someone threw open the door, causing Y/N to glance up, seeing an out of breath father and daughter with looks of nervousness etched across their features. Y/N excused herself for a moment to greet them, giving the pair a warm smile despite all of the negativity swarming her brain.

“I’m so sorry we’re late. Something came up and I– it’s not too late right?” Harry asked worriedly as his daughter just looked up to her new teacher with the same amount of shyness as Thursday.

Y/N dismissed his worry with a simple hand gesture to reassure him, beckoning Abby to sit down so she could help her tie her skates to her feet. She was clad in these pink patterned leggings and a white sweater to keep out the cold matching with little white skates that had pink laces. Y/N could sense the excited energy emitting from her little body the moment her second skate was fastened to her foot. Standing up with Abby’s hand in her own, the two looked back to Harry as he looked beyond nervous for his daughter to touch down on the ice.

“Try not to worry, she’s in good hands. You can go and wait with the other moms over there – and by the looks of it, they seem really excited to meet you,” Y/N paused as her and Harry looked over his shoulder to the mom’s who were ogling him without even trying to hide it. Y/N couldn’t help but giggle at their overt staring, causing Harry’s cheeks to redden and for him to nervously wave at them. “Or you could always leave and come back at one-thirty.”

Harry nodded to her suggestions, taking a glance again at the woman standing around a table and still watching him. “I think… I’ll stay this time. See how her first day goes. I also don’t know how comfortable I am leaving her on her own for the first time just yet,” he rambled, running his fingers through his hair.

Y/N tried her best to hide her smile at how endearing it was to see him be so nervous for Abby, because it genuinely seemed like she was his life even if she’s only known him for a total of thirty minutes. It’s adorable. He’s adorable.

Leaving him to do as he pleases, Y/N led Abby to the rink, hand in hand, introducing her to the other children and going extra slow with her since she already missed a few lessons in regards to the other kids and what they could do already. And for her first day, Abby was doing a pretty job in getting the hang of feeling the ice and letting it glide her along. The little girl had skating in her blood, and Y/N prayed that she stuck with it because she could very easily have an inclination to the sport.

Every once in a while Y/N would look at Harry, seeing him avoiding the flock of mother’s and their constant whispering and staring at him as he stood against the edge of the rink, sometimes looking at his phone, sometimes looking at his daughter and standing upright every time she had a misstep.

That was maybe the most tumultuous and excruciatingly nerve wracking hour and fifteen minutes for Harry to ever have to sit through, even worse than medical school and interning and residency and everything else he’s gone through to get to the point he is now. Watching his daughter, his precious little girl fall on hard ice and trip over her own two feet countless times while he was helpless because he was off on the sides, was the absolute worst and he doesn’t know how he’s gonna manage this for however long she wants to do it.

When he finally got his hands on her again, he hugged her close and congratulated her on her good work for her first day, kissing her face a whole bunch of times to express how worried he was. After what seemed to be fifty kisses, Abby was shoving him away and giggling at how his stubble was scratching her face.

Y/N couldn’t help but stare at how relieved Harry was for the safe return of his daughter into her arms, all but cooing as he planted many pecks of kisses to her cheeks and nose and forehead. She also couldn’t help but wish he’d give her love and affection like that but she laughed to herself at her wishful thinking. Bidding her goodbyes to her beginner group and welcoming her more advanced, Y/N realized at the last moment that Harry and Abby had stayed behind, hoping to get one final word in before she had to go to her next group of kids. Telling her kids to get some laps in around the rink, Y/N made her way over to Harry and could immediately see how relaxed he was now.

This time, it was actually Abby to say something first. Unbeknownst to Y/N, Abby actually really liked her and couldn’t wait to see her again on Monday for her private lesson. “That was s’much fun! I’m g’na be so good my daddy thinks,” she gushed, hugging her father’s leg as she muffled her giggles against his jeans.

“You’re going to be an amazing figure skater,” Y/N responded, reaching her hand down for a high five from the little girl.

“Thank you for… not letting her get extremely hurt or anything. I’m sure my anxiety will go away soon enough,” Harry chimed in, his heart slightly fluttering at the sight of his daughter actually talking to someone without him encouraging her to do so.

“It would be strange if you weren’t nervous,” she shrugged, standing to her full height in her skates, which reached to just below his eyebrows. Turning around to see a few of the girls in their normal bickering fest, Y/N had to excuse herself to tend to her class, bidding her goodbye for the day to Harry and Abby.

And when Harry wasn’t the one to show up on Monday to drop Abby off but her nanny, Y/N couldn’t help but be disappointed. She can’t say she’s surprised since he’s an adult and probably has his own job to tend to at noon on a Monday, but as she guided Abby around the rink with simple skating motions, she wished he was standing against the rink watching them. Though it did spark a question in her, if the nanny was dropping Abby off, was it because there was no one else to look after her meaning he didn’t have a wife or at least someone who lived with him unless she too also worked which wasn’t an odd thing, but Y/N was an overthinker and maybe if she did grow the balls to ask she’d have an answer for herself and get rid of all of this underlying anxiety.

When their time was done for the day, Abby cheerfully said her goodbye, hand in hand with Natalie her nanny. And for the rest of the day, all Y/N could think about was something Abby said to her on the ice, something that sent chills down her spine that weren’t caused by the cool atmosphere of the arena. “My daddy thinks you’re pretty. I think he likes you, but y’can’t tell him I told you.”

❊ ❊

He didn’t come Wednesday either. And she was convinced he wasn’t showing up Saturday because that was just her luck. But, when he did ten minutes before the group lesson started, Y/N couldn’t suppress the smile and this overwhelming sense of relief. Relief about what? She couldn’t quite put her finger on. She figures it because she has a crush on him, and whenever anyone sees their crush it’s hard not to be happy. But that doesn’t settle well in her brain. She doesn’t like the fact that she’s happy to even see someone’s face, she shouldn’t feel this sense of relief that he’s here again, she shouldn’t be focusing on anything other than her jobs and how she was going to afford going grocery shopping this week.

Yet, she happily waved to Abby and blushed at Harry’s genuine smile towards her, immediately thinking of Abby’s declaration from Monday. She internally scolded herself for acting like a little teenager, urging her skin to make itself feel less heated.

It also didn’t help that she told Kelly about this and she had her nagging words playing in her head to just ask the poor guy if he has a girlfriend or a whoever. Abby ran to the nearest bench to remove her boots and tie her skates, which per usual she needed help from Y/N, which Y/N didn’t mind. Harry bent down near her, his hand a few inches from her knee as he picked up his daughter’s boots, their eyes quickly meeting before just as quickly disbanding, before he stood up and quickly shoved her things into an open locker.

And also as per usual, Harry’s heart couldn’t help but flutter as he watched Y/N act so domestically with his daughter, asking her about her day and tying up her skates. His eyes slowly scanned over the features over her face, taking in each little blemish that made her face hers, subconsciously smiling the moment she smiled at something Abby said. He found himself enticed by the way she held her hair back from her face with a bandana wrapped into the ponytail, and couldn’t stop himself from dragging his eyes over her sweater covered shoulders and the curves of her breasts in her shirt, stopping at where her hips sat tucked beneath her leggings.

“Daddy?” A small voice snapped him out of his daze, his face turning red in an instant at the prospect that he had just been caught staring; and he doesn’t even know for how long.

Licking his lips and darting his eyes to his feet then to his daughters face then to anywhere but her he stuttered, “Uh- yeah, love?”

“We going now,” she spoke, her eyebrows furrowing as to why he seemed so nervous.

All he could do was nod his head and purse his lips, sitting himself down on the bench to collect his thoughts. He repeatedly questioned to himself why he had to be so fucking obvious, all but smacking his forehead in embarrassment.

When she turned to walk with Abby, Y/N couldn’t help but smirk to herself as the image of Harry staring at her so intently was now permanently imprinted into her mind. He was checking her out, no doubt about it, and again that sense of relief flooded her body as she relived it over and over again. It was probably a mistake and it was probably one of those things when he just so happened to look at her when he went into deep thought about something totally not related to her, so she can’t hope it’ll happen again, but boy was it nice while it lasted.

When she was instructing everyone on today’s task and glanced over to him leaning against the outside of the rink, she noticed his eyes on her again, but told herself he was too far away to clearly depict what he was looking at and honestly he was probably only keeping his eyes on his daughter.

Because he wasn’t interested in her. Men like him don’t have interest in women like her; broken and unfixable.

It was a load of bullshit, because Y/N knew she deserved something good after all of the bad she’s faced and still currently facing, but he was just too good and someone like him could never settle for someone like her. He wore expensive clothing and his daughter was wearing one of the nicest brands of skates. He most likely had a very stable and successful career and there was no way he could settle for her, a girl who was always days late on her rent.

The unsettling reality made her jaw clench, her throat tighten up, and caused her gut to twist painfully.

If she hadn’t been put through this scenario before she’d say she would’ve broken out into sobs, but she held herself together for the time being, knowing she was going to let a few tears escape her tonight in bed. And, she’d never forgive herself for crying in front of anyone, especially the man that was the root of it.

Yet, her thoughts didn’t stop him from staring. And when she lapped around the ice, passing in front of him and watching his eyes look anywhere but her, it made her believe that maybe he was actually looking when he thought she wouldn’t notice. And suddenly she was back to rethinking before and how his light eyes fixated on her chest before trailing down the curve of her waist and stopping at her hips. It was a sight that would’ve made her knees buckle if she were standing.

When time was up for the day, Y/N let out a sigh at the thought of waiting another week to see Harry. Even if she didn’t let herself imagine a future with him, she still loved seeing his handsome face for the hour and a half they had together. She sounded so pathetic to herself, but when she saw him talking to one of the other mother’s, admiring the movement of his jawline and the dimple that would appear every once in a while on his cheek, it was safe to say she was utterly infatuated with the sight of him and she didn’t care.

Abby all but ran to her father for a hug, hobbling and struggling a little to balance herself on the blades, urging him to pick her up. Harry walked them over to the same bench from before, helping to untie the laces and hand her her boots and jacket. He was quick to notice that Y/N didn’t walk her out of the rink today, seeing her slowly gliding around in circles as she waited for her next batch of skaters to join her. His stomach dropped a little, his mind immediately wondering if he had done something wrong to warrant her unusual absence this time around. It wasn’t possible for him to have upset her anyway, he doesn’t think, so he stood up with Abby in his arms and neared the edge of the rink again, standing to where she was absentmindedly approaching as she was lost in thought.

She didn’t even realize she was about to slam into the wall if it weren’t for Harry sticking his arm out and preventing her body from colliding against the surface. Y/N quickly snapped herself back to the present, eyes going wide in shock as she put at least a foot of distance between herself and the wall, which also unlatched Harry’s arm from her waist.

“I’m – wow, I’m sorry I didn’t realize how close I was to the wall,” she apologized, scrunching her eyebrows at how she could’ve gotten so lost in her own head to not notice a wall that was approaching.

“Have nothing to be sorry for,” he shrugged in response. “Just wanted to say thanks again for watching after her,” he ticked his head at Abby.

“And to say I’ll see you next Saturday. I’m not able during the week to drop her off but I tend to have off on Saturdays. So,” he pauses for a moment, “I, uh – yeah.”

Y/N nodded her head with a small smile, opening her mouth to say she’ll see him next week but he spoke again before she had a chance to push the words up her throat. “Unless I can see you before that.”

Her eyebrows shot up to her forehead, her head slightly cocking to the side at his sentence, wondering if he was asking what she thought he was asking. And again before she had a chance to question him, he beat her to the punch again.

“That was supposed to come out a lot smoother,” he grimaced, nervously laughing to himself as even his daughter looked at him with embarrassment for him. Y/N let out a small chuckle, trying to overlook the fact he just asked her out.

Guess that answers the question if he has a girlfriend.

“Well, I don’t know. Tonight’s my only night off and tomorrow is my only morning off and I think that’s a, uh, little short notice,” her words coming out a lot more sad than she intended. But, maybe at this news he’d say forget about it and just leave her to lonesome because that’s what was best. She needed him to turn it down himself so she wouldn’t feel guilty and so neither of them would harbor any feelings they didn’t need. It would certainly become too messy and Y/N didn’t need more of a mess in her already disorganized life.

But, he didn’t take the bait.

“Tonight works!” He rushed out, hitting himself over and over again mentally as he basically radiated desperateness. “What I meant to say was, I’m available tonight if you are.”

Y/N mulled it over as quickly as she could while on the spot. She couldn’t say no, she never said no, it wasn’t her to say no but there was no way she could possibly say yes. She had to maintain her level of normalcy and that included not going on a date with Harry.

“Yeah… tonight works.”

Well shit.

❊ ❊

“Wear the blue one,” Kelly muffled through the crunch of her chips.

“You think? My boobs kind of,” she paused, aiming the camera of her phone to the shirt on the bed, toying with the dip that sat on her breasts, “Spill out of this one.”

Kelly tilted her head, not blinking at her friend, slowly nodding her head and saying, “That’s kind of the point.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, tossing her phone onto her comforter to use both hands to hook her fancier bra on and slip on the long sleeve blue cotton shirt that tied around the front in a nice bow nestled between her breasts. It felt a bit much for a first date.

But maybe he would be intimidated and put off to how she was showing herself off and wouldn’t want to be seen out with her again. She could only hope.

He insisted he pick her up for the night, and even though he was only going to see the outside of her building, she was nervous he would just smell the poor that stunk up the area. It made her gut wrench and her heart to sink at the idea of him not liking her for her money – or lack thereof, but she really was going to try and enjoy the night.

She deserves one good night.

Her black flare jeans sat snugly on her legs, reaching just up past her belly button, leaving only a sliver of stomach visible between the shirt and jeans. The skin of her chest was a whole different story seeing as how there was basically nothing there to cover her up.

Picking up her friend again to show her final look, Kelly let out a squeal again through her chips, thoroughly agreeing with the choice of attire. “He’s gonna eat you up.”

“Well, I hope not. That’d be an awkward night,” Y/N snickered, tying a black bandana into her usual ponytail.

“Well if you’re lucky he will. In the good way of course,” Kelly winked, eliciting a groan of displease from Y/N.

“Do we know where he’s taking you?”

“Mm, no, he just said to dress casual,” Y/N shrugged, slipping her feet into her flat mules. She actually was pretty satisfied with how she looked for the night, hoping it wouldn’t turn out so horrible. It’d be a shame to waste a nice outfit.

A text notification sent to her phone, alerting her that Harry would be at hers in approximately five minutes. Quick to say goodbye to Kelly and promise to tell her everything, Y/N shut her phone and took the remainder of her alone time to really sit and mentally prepare herself for what was to come.

Trying to navigate how she feels about the entire situation was a lot to take in because it’d probably been close to a year since the last time she even interacted with a male let alone go on any sort of date. She was nervous and intimidated and her anxiety was sky high. She wanted this to go right she really did, but she couldn’t push away those doubts that she would ever meet someone who actually cared about her and properly had their head on their shoulders.

When her phone sounded another notification, Y/N was quick to gather herself and run out of her apartment, giving Harry no time to come to her door even if he wanted. Spotting him standing next to a very nice Mercedes, she had this flashing image of him grimacing at just the sight of her battered front door. But, she smiled at him nonetheless, appreciating the sight of him clad in a nice pinstripe button down shirt with the first two buttons undone, and nearly salivating at the sliver of chest being exposed to her.

And to make everything just so much better, he was holding onto a bouquet of various flowers, looking nervous as ever. Especially when he saw what she was wearing. His eyes nearly popped out of his skull at the sight of her exposed chest and he hates that his cock throbbed under his jeans. “You look… stunning.”

Y/N’s cheeks heated at the compliment, her head bowing down to look at her shoes before looking back up and taking the flowers from his outstretched hands. “Not too shabby yourself, Mr. Styles. These are beautiful, thank you. I don’t even know if I have a vase,” she nervously laughed, sniffing the flowers now in her hands.

“Just, uh- give me a second to put these inside.” And then she was turning on her heel and running back upstairs to toss these on the table by her front door. She made a mental note to buy a vase the next day, all while also keeping Kelly updated on what’s going on through texting.

When she came back downstairs, Harry was still next to his car, hands in his pockets as he looked around at nothing in particular. At the sight of her returning presence, he perked up, opening his passenger door for her. Even the inside of his beautiful car, the smooth tan leather practically calling to her as she neared closer. “This is a beautiful car,” she blurted, sliding into the passenger side.

He closed the door, quickly walking to his side and hopping in, “Thank you, she’s my baby. Aside from my actual baby, that is,” he chuckled, checking his blind spot before heading out onto the road.

The car ride to wherever they were going wasn’t exactly awkward but it also wasn’t the smoothest experience of their lives. It mostly was a consistent bickering back and forth of Y/N asking where they were going. He only had a couple hours in advance to plan something if he planned anything so how much could he have possibly planned for? But, she was excited anyway because this was nice being able to go out even if it were for just one night.

After around twenty minutes of constant back and forth of laughing and stubbornness, Y/N finally saw where on earth he was driving to. And it was the fair from a few towns over that was held this time of year every year. She’d never actually been herself, but she’s heard stories about how lovely it is and her nerves suddenly started to deplete and were replaced by growing bubbles of excitement.

Y/N can’t remember the last time she had been to a fair, if ever in her life and she sort of felt like a little kid in a candy shop. The moment he parked the car and turned it off, she was quick to unlatch her seat belt and jump out of the car, eagerly hopping on the balls of her feet, waiting to get further into the fair. Harry laughed at her giddiness, holding his hand out for her to take - which she easily slid her hand into his - and led her to the ticket booth to purchase a few rounds of tickets for the rows of games and maybe a ride or two.

“I don’t even think Abby was this excited when I took her,” Harry noted, admiring how happy his date was at the sight of cotton candy and the various stuffed animals kids were holding or were still being hung up.

Y/N hardly heard Harry, silently routing for the young boy trying to win his own date a stuffed animal at the ring toss. “Sorry… I just - I don’t think I’ve ever been to a fair, so this is really nice,” she responded softly, looking up to see Harry with furrowed brows before she retracted her gaze and focused on anything but his saddened eyes.

She didn’t mean to sound so depressing. Thinking about her shitty childhood was the last thing she wanted on this night, and she certainly didn’t want whatever pity was brewing inside that head of his. But little to her knowledge, all he was thinking was how badly he wanted to make this night unforgettable for her. And how badly he wanted to get to know her.

“What do you say we start with mini golf then?” He questioned, pointing towards the miniature mini golf that only had nine holes. “Up for a little competition?”

“Up for a little loss?”

“Oh, oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be? Fine, don’t come crying to me when y’lose, darling,” he shrugged, giving the worker the desired amount of tickets before being handed two clubs and two balls, one yellow and one red.

He lost.

Quite badly too.

And Y/N was smug the entire time. But in a completely endearing way, because ultimately she felt bad at how bad he was at mini golf. It was a makeshift set up so all of the holes weren’t even difficult yet somehow Harry managed to never get below a two on his shots. And the entire time Y/N was smiling at him and poking fun, and even though the night had just begun, she didn’t want it to ever end.

And to think she almost said no.

“I should’ve figured you’d be competitive,” he scoffed, mindlessly grabbing her hand back in his as they walked to their next stop. And she didn’t mind.

“That was not me being competitive,” she laughed, pushing his shoulder gently with hers. “Trust me, you’d know when I’m being competitive.”

“If that wasn’t you being competitive, then what is?”

Y/N thought about it for a moment, wondering if it were worth opening up to him even if about this. She just knew the moment she opened her mouth he would have questions and they were all questions she never wanted to answer. But, against her better judgement, she tore down her walls just a little bit. “I’m a figure skater - or was a figure skater. I don’t take anything less than winning. But back there, I maybe messed up a few shots so you could catch up.”

“Oh, how sweet,” he feigned appreciation, bringing his free hand up to his chest as if he was deeply touched. He was about to ask her a follow up question, wondering what she meant by was a figure skater, but she pulled him to the balloon dart booth, geeking out at the little rainbow bear that was hanging above the worker.

“You should get that for Abby! Told me she doesn’t have a favorite color, and I think she’d love a rainbow bear from her daddy,” Y/N insisted, taking the correct amount of tickets from Harry and giving them to the very bored teenage girl.

“Shouldn’t I be winning you the bear?”

“You can win me another one if you want. This one is for your daughter.”

Harry knew Y/N for a total of three days essentially. And he’s spoken maybe a few sentences to her before tonight. Yet, despite the logistics, he so liked her. There was something about the girl next to him that was adamant he win the prize for his baby girl instead of her that made his heart flutter and made his mind swirl. He hardly knew her, yet he could just tell she had a heart made of gold. Every other woman he’s been on dates with over the years were always immediately turned off to the idea of him having a daughter, begging his attention to be solely on them. But not Y/N. She was embracing Abby with open arms both physically and mentally, and that was an automatic yes in his book.

Abby was his everything, his light at the end of the tunnel, his eternal sunshine. They were a package deal, and have been for the past four years. That much was clear to Y/N whenever Harry talked about her, or how his face basically lit up at any question revolving around her. He didn’t go into much detail, but Abby’s mom wasn’t particularly in the picture anymore, so it was just her and him. They were best friends and Harry wouldn’t change that for anything or anyone. And Y/N respected that a lot, absolutely loving how close they were and how much she meant to him. It was sweet and deep down made her envious, wishing she had a relationship like this with her parents.

When he finally won the little bear, he was so proud of himself and agreed that it was the perfect gift for Abby, holding onto it as they walked over to the food concession for something to eat. “I bet she’ll never get rid of it. When she’s eighty and reminiscing, she’ll pull out the bear and immediately think of you.”

“Please don’t say that; I don’t even want to think of her being five,” he shuddered, letting out fake weeps at the thought of his daughter growing up.

“What about her dating? Hm? Wanna think about that?” She teased poking his side causing him to look at her with the nastiest glare he could muster before promptly turning his head away with a huff, his chin sticking high in the air.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry. No talk about her dating or growing up, I swear on it,” she held up her three fingers in scout honor, making him chuckle at her gesture.

“Can I say how good she’s doing in her lessons though? She has a real talent for skating, I think she should go somewhere with it,” Y/N mentioned, grabbing their drinks they ordered as he held their food and walked over to a clear table nearby. “A lot of kids her age or at her beginner level can hardly keep their balance on the ice but, Abby doesn’t need to hold the wall or my hand and that’s only after three lessons. I’m not kidding, Harry, I think she’s meant for this.”

He nodded at her words, surprised at the revelation that Abby actually liked something and was good at it. This wasn’t the first time his daughter gained interest in some hobby before turning on it just a week later. “We’ll have to see if she sticks with it.”

“Maybe you should tell her to. I just don’t want to see something potential be wasted,” she disclosed, dipping a french fry into her little cup of ketchup. Harry picked up on how strongly she felt about this, seeing her get lost in her own thoughts for a few moments before regaining her hold on reality and locking eyes on her date.

“When did you start?” He questioned, biting into the straw of his drink.

She swallowed her fry, twirling the ends of her ponytail around the pads of her fingers. “Started when I was six. It’s good that Abby started early, gives her more time to practice,” she nodded with a smile, and it was so obvious that it was a pained smile as she thought about whatever was going on in her head. And it was hard for him to not notice the obvious deflections every time he tried to ask her about herself.

“Practice for what?”

“Well… What if she can be in the Olympics one day? She’ll need as much experience as possible,” she shrugged back, her voice seeming to grow softer the more they talk about this.

“I assume the Olympics is the ultimate goal?” He wondered, his eyes dancing over the way her face slightly twitched into a frown before being masked by a laugh and bright smile.

“Uh, yeah! It’s every skater’s dream. It’s what we fight so hard for, or maybe that was just me, I don’t know, but wouldn’t it be cool to say your daughter is an Olympic skater or an Olympic medalist? Automatic dad points,” she joked lightly, her eyes hardly meeting her smile.

“Y/N did you ever… make it to the Olympics?” He wanted to ask, he felt he needed to ask, yet at the same time he knew he shouldn’t have. Immediately her fake smile dropped and a layer of sadness washed over her features, something dark flashing across her eyes as her gaze dropped to the table between them.

It’s every skater’s dream. It was her dream, her ultimate endgame, it was everything she wanted and it was within reach of her fingertips. She could practically hold the gold medal in her hand, could see the camera’s flashing, could hear the people cheering, and could feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins as she skated along the prestigious ice.

But it never came true. And it never will.

Instead she’s a part time trainer, and a part time waitress. She can hardly afford her apartment and is just barely getting by. She was just within reach of Heaven, but then she plummeted straight to Hell.

Y/N shook her head softly, eyes glossing over with a light sheen of tears, her teeth nibbling on her bottom lip to help her prevent the pesky tears from falling down her face. Her hands instinctively started tugging on the ends of her hair a little harder as she mentally beat herself up for her lost opportunity. “I, uh - had an accident,” she murmured, finally looking up to meet his stare again. There was something about him that made opening up so much easier than it usually is. Maybe it’s because he genuinely seemed curious and cared to know more about her. Y/N couldn’t exactly tell but for some reason she broke down her walls just the tiniest bit more.

“I fell on a landing at Nationals, which was my entrance to the Olympics if I ranked third or higher. I dislocated my hip and twisted my ankle and that was the end. It happened a long time ago though, I’m over it now, I’ve moved on,” she reassured with that same fake smile, taking a small bite from her burger that she’d barely had touched.

It was clear she hadn’t, but they didn’t touch upon the subject anymore.

“Anyway, what about you? What do you do?”

Harry’s main flaw - at least to him - was that he was such a nosey person. The way their conversation around her sort of just terminated abruptly did not sit well with him and that was because there was so much more to the story that she wasn’t letting on. He figures though that since this is only a first date, he can’t pry too much into her life because he doesn’t want to drive her away. Despite her being closed off about herself, he really liked her and he really didn’t want to mess this up.

“I’m a pediatric surgeon,” he spoke nonchalantly, as if it weren’t an actual big deal. But, when he looked up to see Y/N’s eyes bulging out of her head, he guessed he was wrong, it is a big deal.

“You’re a surgeon? Like Alex Karev from Grey’s Anatomy, pediatric surgeon?”

Harry laughed at the comparison. It wasn’t the first time someone brought it up. “Yeah, but a little more real.”

“That’s… Wow, that’s so cool. What made you want to do pediatrics?” She hummed, swallowing her final fry, and chasing it down with the last of her soda.

“Abby. When she was born she had a small abnormal murmur in her heart and I knew that from that moment I wanted to do everything I could for parents and their children.”

As if he wasn’t perfect enough, he just had to be a children’s doctor. It was as if he took Y/N’s heart and strangled it in love and admiration, then stomped on it and left it lying in the dirt beneath their feet. She didn’t match him on any level. She was far from successful and he was so far past it.

All Y/N could continuously think was how could this possibly work out? She was trying her best to look on the bright side, to think positive thoughts, but she just… couldn’t. Him and Abby deserved good, not broken.

The rest of their time at the fair went fairly smooth. They were happy and joyous aside from their little chat when eating and if Y/N didn’t overthink too much, she’d want to see Harry again. She was free in the morning and was tempted to ask him to breakfast or brunch or something. She didn’t want this to end, she wanted to live in this happy bubble for the rest of her life. But, she couldn’t be selfish and needed it to end. It would be good for both of them if they just put this behind them.

When Harry pulled up to the curb in front of her building, he put the car in park and was quick to run around to the other side to open her door before she could get the chance. He took her hand and helped her out leading her to the door that led to the stairway. And if it were being selfish, Y/N didn’t care as she asked him to walk her to her door.

They stood in the small hallway, right outside the old wood of apartment 2, neither of them knowing what to say. But, then in an instant, nothing needed to be said as Harry leaned forward slotting his lips against hers in a quick kiss, his hands coming to rest on the sides of her face as her hands held onto his firm shoulders.

It only lasted a few seconds, maybe five at best, but those five seconds said so much more than anything they actually spoke the entire night. Y/N knew there was no way she was going to be able to let him go, because he was the best thing to happen to her in a long time, and why should she have to give it up? Despite all of the negativity swarming around in her brain she still wanted to get to know him, and she definitely wanted to kiss him more. Maybe it would turn out to be a mistake, but what’s life without a little risk?

The moment Harry touched his lips to hers, feeling the soft plushy texture of her mouth that he had been dreaming of kissing since the moment he first laid his eyes on her hours ago, he knew he was whipped. He knew her for three days and he couldn’t imagine not being able to kiss. And maybe he was desperate or pathetic, but what’s life without a little leap of faith?

“Goodnight Harry.”

“Goodnight Y/N.”

❊ ❊

Saturday’s became their day. It was Harry’s only full day off and Y/N’s only night off, so it became convenient for their dates that have now been on every Saturday for the past two months. And ever since that first date, it was easy for them to say they’ve never been happier.

Y/N’s still trying to find her footing in this whole relationship thing, still finding it hard to believe that some like Harry could possibly like her. She was coming around though. Abby made it a point to tell her every time she saw her when her father wasn’t with her that he says hello and wishes he could be there. Then Y/N would ask her the same every time she left.

The first week after their original date, Harry had walked in with Abby, and without even thinking about it, walked up to Y/N and planted a soft kiss to her right cheek, despite the gawking eyes of the mother’s behind him. They could practically feel everyone’s eyes on them, but it was okay, because it was just a little price to pay for happiness.

That same night he took her out to dinner - at her restaurant of all places, and the entire night was a mess of embarrassment as her coworkers sent her coy looks every now and again that Harry could also very obviously see. Y/N tried to pretend that she didn’t know any of them, but when their waitress also just so happened to be Kelly of all people, it was hard to ignore. And it made for quite the conversation when she had to tell him she worked two jobs and that’s why she hardly had time to even breathe during the week.

What surprised her most when she told him of her misfortunes, was how well he listened. He didn’t seem turned off to the fact she didn’t have one singular stable job, like other men have in the past, and rather he seemed like he didn’t care at all. It was a nice change of pace for Y/N to have someone who seemed interested in her rather than just sex.

Two months had passed and the topic of sex hadn’t really been brought up either. Which again was a total shocker to Y/N since she’s so used to guys asking as soon as they meet her. Yet, the only time she and Harry had mentioned it was when they had been in his car one Saturday night, things getting a little heated as she climbed onto his lap, their mouths dancing together as their tongues lapped over one another.

The make out session wasn’t even meant to get as intense as it did, the gentle rocking of their hips together and the sloppy kisses placed on each other’s necks while her fingers tangled into the curls of his hair and his palms rested gently on her hips right over the swell of her butt, all of it wasn’t even supposed to get that far. But it felt way too good to stop.

Y/N always put her romantic life on the back burner in regards to trying to navigate her actual life instead. Having sex or finding love was something she hardly let herself think about, but when she could feel Harry’s growing erection beneath her center, she forgot how badly she wanted this. It took everything in her to separate their mouths, a trail of spit connecting their swollen lips. It was too much too fast and she wanted to take it slow. She needed to take it slow in order for it to not end just as quick as it started.

And Harry respected her wishes. He didn’t want to mess things up just as badly as her, if not more, and if she didn’t want things to go further, he had no choice but to abide by that.

That didn’t stop him from thrusting his cock into his fist that very same night as he remembered the way she slowly grinded her center against his, the texture of her velvety tongue sliding against his. Those thoughts led him to imagine how her warm mouth would feel against his bright red tip, slowly sinking down further and further until he was grazing the back of her throat.

Since that night the topic of sex hadn’t been mentioned.

When this Saturday rolled around, Y/N was beyond excited for their weekly date night. With their busy schedules it is always hard to see each other during the week no matter how hard they try to fit in some time, so the weekend was always built on a bit of excitement to see one another. And this Saturday was no different, especially since it was Y/N’s turn to plan their night.

After he and Abby left from the usual Saturday lesson, Y/N told him to meet her back at the rink around eight. It wasn’t an expensive date and it doesn’t need a far in advance planning, but this night was truly going to make or break their relationship, because it was easily going to be the most important for Y/N. She planned on opening up to him more than she had with anyone else, and she needed to do that in the comfort of her sanctuary, because  - for lack of a better term - she was shitting bricks.

As per usual Harry had arrived right on time. Measuring time had to be their biggest difference, because Y/N always felt like she had a lot more time than she really did, which resulted in her always being late for everything. Harry on the other hand was a very organized man and scheduled himself perfectly to go about his days. Yet the more time they spent with one another, the more they started to adapt to the other, Y/N not being so late anymore and Harry not being brutally early.

Though he did arrive just a minute after eight.

It was a start though.

From the time the rink closed at six, up until the moment Harry walked in the door, Y/N had been busy decorating every inch of the place, setting up their little picnic at one of the tables, stringing lights all around the rink it self, and mastering the best playlist that would be echoing around them until they leave.

Dinner consisted of Harry’s favorite chicken parmesan from her other job that he continued to rave about up until this day because it was just that good, as well as the cookie crumble dessert that had his mouth watering every time he thought about it.

When she saw him knock at the closed entryway, she took a deep breath before scurrying over to him, letting him in from the night time chill outside. They greeted each other with a soft kiss on the lips before she all but dragged him further inside. “Can you guess what we’re doing today?”

Harry’s jaw dropped in anguish, his eyes screwing shut as he whined about the impending future of their night. “Just because my daughter is a prodigy, does not mean I am,” he sighed as Y/N giggled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as she stood on her tiptoes to try and match his eye level.

“Try not to worry, you’re in safe hands,” she spoke cooly, recalling what she once said to him about Abby. There’s a reason Abby is learning and - not to toot her own horn or anything - she wouldn’t be anywhere without Y/N coaching her through it.

So, how hard could it be to teach Harry?

The answer was very hard.

After they finished their dinner, sitting for a few minutes to let it settle within them, Y/N had to practically rip Harry off of the bench. It didn’t help that they both also had two glasses of wine coursing around in their veins, which raised Harry’s stubborn attitude from a seven to seventeen on a scale of one-to-ten.

He was nervous, that much was obvious, but if he didn’t relax everything was going to be a lot more difficult for the both of them. “Why don’t you skate your little heart out and I’ll just stay right here,” he gestured to the wall of the rink where he usually stood during Abby’s lessons.

“Where’s the fun in that? C’mon, you can even hold onto the wall. Please?” She begged, clasping her hands together under her chin as she pouted her bottom lip and giving him her best puppy dog eyes.

How was he meant to say no to that face?

Y/N must’ve gotten a few tips from Abby on how to win over Harry’s heart, because within a few moments he was caving in and ripping the pair of skates she picked out for him right out of her hands, grumbling a few not so innocent words under his breath. He sat on the nearest bench with a very exaggerated sigh, almost like a child trying to make their point that they were not happy. Y/N wonders if he took that out of Abby’s book.

Watching him trying to even stand on the thin blades was a sight in itself, and Y/N couldn’t wait to get him out on the ice. He looked sort of like a penguin as he waddled across slowly, hand clenched tightly in Y/N’s as he tried to keep his balance. “Y/N I can hardly even bloody walk on a stable surface, how d’ya think m’gonna manage on ice? It’s hard enough to walk on ice and now I’ve got skates on! I’m g’na crack my skull open,” he rambled on, throwing in a few more curses here and there. Y/N knew it was him trying to stall, but it wasn’t going to work.

“Will you relax, I won’t let you crack your skull open,” she shook her head, pushing open the gate to the rink and stepping down easily on the ice first.

The moment his first skate touched down, he almost slipped forward and almost collapsed in a split, making Y/N try her best to not break out into a heap of laughter. He grabbed onto her arm even tighter as he eased his second foot onto the slippery surface, probably leaving bruises for the next day.

“How the hell does Abby do this? M’scared shitless, hope you know,” he grumbled, trying to scoot a little past the wall, but again nearly falling on his ass.

“Hold my hand, let me pull you so you get a feel of the ice,” she contained her giggles. He was hesitant though as he stood in his place, slightly swaying back and forth as he tried to gain the courage to move his foot an inch forward.

Y/N looked at him with soft eyes, observing all of the nerves that were dancing across his features. Lacing her fingers in his, she raised her free hand to his face, getting him to look at her rather than his feet. “You trust me right?” she murmured, looking into his vibrant eyes.

He almost immediately nodded his head in response, a slight look of confusion carving into his face as his eyebrows scrunched together and his eyes flashed between hers. “Of course, why’re you asking?”

“If you don’t want to fall, I need you to trust me,” she spoke reassuringly, leaning up to place a quick peck to his lips before joining him back at his side. Harry took a deep breath in, giving her hand a squeeze before he followed in her instructions and guided along the wall at a slow pace.

Trust was obviously the most important aspect to any sort of relationship, and especially to Y/N. Through her whole life she struggled keeping trust in anyone, and she felt she spent so much of her life getting people to entrust her, yet she can’t remember trusting anyone like she trusted Harry. And it was such a refreshing feeling to see that he trusted her just the same. That’s why this night meant a lot to her, because if he could trust her with his well being and his daughter’s, then it was only right to return the favor.

After his initial fear and trepidation, Harry finally developed a basic movement that helped him in his skating endeavors. He was beginning to gain pride in himself for not falling on his ass yet. They slowly made their way around in one lap after about twenty minutes of missteps and yelps in anxiety. The biggest thing they were going to take away from this experience though was how much fun they’re having. If anything, it’s always good to look on the bright side of things and appreciate the good amongst all of the bad.

When they made it back to the gate, Harry declared that was enough for one night on his part, and couldn’t get off the ice any faster. Y/N was about to follow him, when she mulled over an idea in her head, looking back to the ice. He noticed she wasn’t trailing behind him, and wondered why she seemed stuck in her place. She looked lost in thought, looking around her as she bit her lip in concentration before finally snapping her gaze to meet his after a few calls of her name.

“Is everything oka-”

“This has been my life, my entire life. I don’t know a world outside of this and I’ve kept myself closed off for years. Before you, I don’t think I’ve been on a genuine date…  ever because I’ve always been so scared,” she rambled, pacing herself back and forth on the ice.

Harry kept quiet, standing next to the wall now, leaning his upper body down on his elbows. “I’ve been so scared of people getting to know me and my past and my fucking demons that I’ve never given myself the chance to be happy. I grew up privileged, I had - or my parents had money and I was blessed to be able to skate without having to worry about prices or anything of the sort. But, that came with a price which was my parents never letting me breathe and pushing and overworking me, telling me that since they were spending so much money on me that I couldn’t settle for less than the best.

“And I mean, I wanted to be the best anyway; everyone does. But knowing they would be disappointed if I were to get second because I was a tenth of a point behind, hurt like hell. Then, Nationals came and if I placed in the top three, I was going to the Olympics. I was the most confident I had ever been. I knew the choreography, I knew my timing, and I knew how to fucking land… but then I fell. Hard. Twisted my ankle and shattered my hip and it was safe to say I wasn’t going to Russia.”

Y/N looked to her feet and let out a mocking laugh, not even caring that a few tears managed to escape her eyes as she rehashed her past. “As soon as I was able to walk again, my parents kicked me out. Tossed me to the curb and told me to never look back. No money, no friends, no idea of what to do.”

Harry’s heart yearned for his girlfriend. He could tell she had some murky past that always kept her quiet and avoided the topic at all costs, but he never would've guessed it to be like this. He tried to butt in but she held up her hand to stop him, asking him to let her finish. He retracted himself, allowing her to continue on. Harry’s heart yearned for his girlfriend, but it also swelled in pride as she felt comfortable enough to want to share this with him.

“I find it hard to trust anyone because I’m always scared they’ll hurt me like my parents did. If my parents could treat me that way then what’s stopping anyone else?” She took a breath before inching herself closer to Harry, coming to stand right in front of him. “But… then I met you and I find it so easy to let you in, and I think that scares me more than anything. You’re the only person I’ve told this too and I’m working on opening myself up more, I am, I just - it’s gonna take some time. My heart is in your hands, Harry… and I’m begging you to please take care of it.”

Y/N finally finished, swallowing down the clump in her throat, her forehead involuntarily pressing against Harry’s as silence swarmed them. Her doors were opening and her walls were falling down and anxiety traveled up her spine as she slowly stepped out of the dark and into a world she’s never known; A world filled with comfort and happiness. If someone told her two months prior that she would be feeling like this, whatever this is, over a man that was way out of her league, she would’ve laughed in their face and tell them to kindly fuck off.

A few tortuously slow seconds passed by, tears still slowly trickling down her face that Harry took upon himself to brush away. With her doubts and self-deprecating thought process, she was sure he was going to turn around and walk out of her life, leaving her to suffer and wallow alone, just like she was used to. But, then she felt the soft press of his lips against hers, and her body broke down into a pile of tears and cries as relief flooded her.

Y/N grabbed onto his face and pulled him harder against her, their kiss filling with passion and ardor. He held her close, not letting her slip away from him as they broke apart, their foreheads resting against each other again, their noses brushing and their breaths mingling. They smiled at one another, mutually agreeing that actions speak louder than words.

“I promise, I’m gonna take care of you, Y/N.”

And then they were kissing again, this time not as intense but the adoration for one another still leaked through the seams. At this moment, right now, this is exactly where they belonged. In one another’s arms, holding on tight to that trust and pushing aside their worries.

This was all that mattered.

❊ ❊

“I know you’ve got your lavish lifestyle, so please, bear with me,” she cautioned him as she shoved the key into the lock of her apartment door. Y/N had been to his house and it was beautiful as she expected it to be. There was actual room for people to walk around and not feel like they were crowding each other.

Y/N hadn’t actually ever had anyone to her apartment, but even alone she felt crowded in the tight space. When stepping in, the door to the bathroom was on the right, and her living room / bedroom was ahead while her small kitchen and little dining table sat on the left. (this is how i imagine it to look)

The grey blue paint of the walls were chipped in certain places that Y/N has been meaning to fix but hasn’t gotten around to doing. The carpeting looked old and in a certain spot right next to the couch there was a stain from when she accidentally spilt red wine and never was able to get rid of it. A few chinese take out cartons littered her table that she never cleaned from the night before while a few random clothes were strewn about on the floor or her bed. She mentally slapped herself for not thinking ahead and cleaning up after herself, hoping he doesn’t turn around now at the pigsty of an apartment.

“I’m not always this much of a slob…” she grimaced, quickly throwing the empty cartons in the trash, smiling sheepishly at Harry.

“If I didn’t have Natalie, I’m sure my place would look a lot worse,” he brushed her off, looking around at the books she had stacked on a shelf and the small collection of CDs. “I like you, Y/N, a lot. A messy apartment won’t change that.”

Y/N took in a calming breath and nodded her head, trying not to run around and fix everything that was out of place. Instead, she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his torso from behind, and watched as he shuffled through the CDs, wondering who piqued her interest musically. Just when he was about to tell her he admired her taste, she turned his body around to face her, her soft eyes gazing up at him, lust dancing across her irises.

“Harry?” she coaxed, a hint of flirtation laced into her voice.

“Hm?”

“Can we have sex now?” she wondered, tilting her head to the side by a fraction, like a little puppy or a curious cat.

Harry’s eyes widened slightly at her forwardness, her question making him gulp in shock. They both knew this was exactly why they came here, but just thought that this was happening was enough to send a chill down his spine. His hands came up to cradle her jaw, desire flooding his veins as various images of her naked body circled around his brain, and as he could practically hear her whiney moans filling the air.

His mouth connected to hers in a fast movement, his tongue swiping across her bottom lip to allow him access to meet hers. She greedily opened her mouth, walking them over the few feet to her bed. The back of her knees met with the mattress, her almost falling over, but Harry held her up. One of his hands wrapped itself into her hair, pulling her head back and exposing her neck to him. He peppered wet kisses along the skin of her jaw, before trailing down to the collar of her sweater.

“Can I take this off?” He mumbled, tugging on the hem of the purple sweater that adorned her torso. Y/N ushered out a small ‘yes’ bringing her arms above her head as he brought it up and tossed it to the side somewhere. His eyes fixated on her chest, her breasts nestled into a black lace bra. Harry was practically salivating at the sight, immediately his mouth pressing against her chest, and he traveled down until his lips met her navel, his knees touching the soft carpet beneath them. His hands caressed her bottom, softly kneading the flesh clad in her leggings.

His eyes met back up with hers as an unspoken agreement was shared, him pulling down the soft black material as it pooled at her ankles. Soon they too were tossed aside, leaving Y/N in her matching underwear set that had Harry seeing stars. Normally, she would be nervous about someone seeing her in such a vulnerable state, but just like everything else lately, she’s never been more comforted in the presence of her lover. The way he looked at her body as if it were heaven, his eyes roaming over every inch without a look of apprehension or disgust.

Harry pushed her to lay back on the bed, keeping her feet on the ground as her knees bent at the edge. He placed a kiss on her covered pubic mound, his mouth ghosting over her pulsing core as he bit down softly into the flesh of her thigh, just next to her core. A small whimper left her mouth as he breathed a line of cool air to her heated center before sucking on her other thigh, again going right over where she wanted him most.

His fingers hooked into her panties, bringing them down her thighs, leaving her completely exposed to him as he then spread her legs wide enough for his shoulders to fit between. “So beautiful,” he purred, eyeing her wet pussy with fervor.

Then a second later he was licking a broad stripe through her folds, the tip of his tongue circling around her clit. A moan escaped her throat as she rocked her hips gently to gain more friction against his tongue. He took her legs and draped them over his shoulders as he began to mouth away at her dripping hole, gathering up all of the wetness dripping out of her. He moaned at the taste of her, the vibrations of his noises hitting against her and causing her to shiver at the sensation before a moan of her own was let out.

He reached up to hands, bringing them to his hair, urging her to tug on his curls when he dipped his tongue inside of her cunt. Y/N’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, her hands fisting his hair and pulling on his roots harshly, the sounds of their groans mixing together.

“Harry,” she cried out, her heels digging into his back as she tried to push him impossibly closer to her heat. “Shit... you’re so go-good at this.”

She could feel him smile against her from her words before licking away at her and sucking her clit into his mouth. One hand remained on her thigh, holding on tightly while his other met her pussy, one finger dipping into her and thrusting in at a slow pace. She whined as he added another finger, quickening his pace as he could feel her walls clench around his digits.

“You’re so tight, love. Can’t imagine how y’gonna feel against m’cock,” he grinned, looking up at her through his lashes, leaving one final wet kiss to her clit before removing himself from her completely, her feet falling back to the floor with a thud. She gasped at the loss of contact, eyes rushing over his figure as she tried to coax him back to her.

He giggled at her impatience, stripping himself of jeans and sweater, the bulge in his briefs looking like it hurt as it strained against the material. He palmed himself, a whimper leaving his throat before he leaned down over her and moving themselves further up the bed. He grinded his center against hers, his precum and her wetness leaving a patch of moisture at the front of his briefs. Y/N gulped at the feeling of his covered cock, measuring in her head just how big he was. She assumed he had some length and girth to him just by his aura, but she didn’t expect this big.

When he finally kicked off his underwear, his bright red tip slapping against the underbelly of his bellybutton, Y/N’s jaw all but fell off at the sheer size of him. Immediately she wondered if he was even going to fit inside her or how badly the burn of the stretch of her walls was going to be. It had been a while since she had sex, and now she was nervous.

“Are you even sure that’ll fit inside of me?” She questioned, nibbling at her bottom lip as she looked into his eyes with a little worry.

Harry pursed his lips to contain his smile, leaning down and giving her a quick kiss before whispering, “We’ll take it slow.”

They engaged themselves into a soft make out session, the final piece of clothing being her bra thrown over his shoulder, leaving the two of them completely and utterly bare and vulnerable for the other. No part of this entire night felt rushed and neither of them had this urge to just get it over with. No, instead they took their time with each other, allowing themselves to get used to this new step in their relationship. This night solidified just how serious they were about each other, and taking things slow helped that. It wasn’t about reaching that orgasm or the amazing feeling that comes with it. It was about them and how much this meant.

After he rolled a condom down his length, he positioned himself at her entrance before lacing their hands together and settling them on either side of her head. Then slowly and tenderly, Harry pushed himself in, cries of pleasure leaving their mouths as he stretched her walls. He didn’t thrust himself all the way in at one go, instead rocking his hips slightly back and forth, pushing just a little bit further each time he reentered her allowing her time to accommodate his size. When he was finally all the way in, Harry nearly passed out as her tightness squeezed around him. He stilled himself for a moment, giving her a second to breathe before he pulled back and thrusting back in with a harsher movement.

Y/N was right when she knew there was going to be a burn as her muscles widened around him, and she felt wetness prick at the corner of her eyes before she blinked them away before he could notice. She raised her head to capture his lips in a kiss, looking to distract herself as the pain slowly dissipated into pleasure. Their tongues lapped over one another as Harry quickened his pace, his hips slapping against hers in a more feverish manner. Soon enough, all Y/N could feel was immense pleasure as her once denied orgasm began to build back up.

The tip of his dick, reached so far into her that she could feel him brush against her cervix, a hazy feeling clouding her brain. When he felt her thighs tighten around his waist, and her walls began to flutter around him, he brought one of his hands to her clit, rubbing quick circles on it with his thumb. “G’na cum for me, baby? G’na let y’self go?”

Y/N moaned in response, her eyes screwing shut as he delivered a hard thrust to her special spot, her climax flooding her body quick and hard. She’s never felt herself get off that much, not knowing that she was even capable of that grand of an orgasm. The moment her body calmed down, she felt herself go into a dreamlike state as exhaustion hit her like a train. Harry continued to pound into her, working himself to his own high. Y/N quivered at her sensitivity, but urged him to continue because she wanted to see how beautiful he looks when he comes undone.

His jaw dropped open in the slightest as his abdomen clenched and his prick twitched, the familiar feeling starting in his balls shooting up through his spine before he released into the condom. A lewd string of curses fell from his lips as he gently continued to ride out his orgasm, his body completely spent as they both panted out quick breaths.

Slowly Harry removed himself, taking off the worn condom and tossing it into the garbage before joining her back in bed. “Should get cleaned up,” he muttered, still catching his breath and calming down.

“Mm,” Y/N hummed, turning herself over so her legs tangled with his and her arm draped over his sweaty torso.

Minutes went by when neither of them said anything, and Y/N was convinced he had fallen asleep as his breaths became more steady. But there was one thought on her mind that she needed to get off of her chest, because ever since they started dating it’s been eating away at her. She wanted to get it out of the way as felt her eyes getting heavier.

“Harry?”

A few moments pass before he softly answers, “Yeah?”

“What does Abby think of me? Not as her trainer but y’know… your girlfriend? She tells me how close she is with her mother and I just - I don’t know,” she shrugged, resting her chin on his chest to look up at him.

Harry looked at her, his one hand gently pushing the hair away from her eyes. “She’s the one that told me to take you on that first date.”

Y/N was shocked at this, her eyebrows shooting up at his confession. She knew the little girl liked her as her teacher and the one showing her how to skate properly, but Y/N never knew how she felt about her being the girl her father was dating. Kids don’t always understand how relationships work and Y/N feared the little girl would end up hating her since she was with Harry and her mother wasn’t. “Really?”

He nodded, “She admires you, Y/N. Yeah, she’s close with her mother but in all fairness I think she likes you more.”

“Oh, don’t say that!”

“Why not? It’s true. She can see how happy you make me and I think that’s all that matters to her,” he surmised with a shrug of his shoulders. At this, Y/N couldn’t help but smile, connecting their lips in a gentle kiss before her eyes fluttered close as she nudged her nose against his in a little eskimo kiss.

She was convinced he was her happy ending. He was the voice she loved hearing, and the person that made her life just a little stressful. And boy, she was happy Abby decided to take up skating lessons.

“You make me happy too.”

#WOW #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles au #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic #harry styles #one direction fanfiction

[asarahworld-writes]

hen night

@torchwoodfanfests Bingo Fest - Under the Influence

Gwen stopped by Toshiko’s desk on her way out that afternoon.  “Er, Tosh, I had a question for you.”

Tosh looked up from her monitors.  “Of course. How can I help?”

“Actually, I was wondering if you’re busy on Saturday night?  Me and the girls are doing my hen night and I was hoping that you’d join us.”

“Oh.  Well, that’s actually my night to watch the Rift,” Tosh swivelled back to her monitors, looking as if she was deep in thought.

“The Rift can take of itself for one night.  It survived for years before Torchwood existed, one night won’t do much damage.”

They looked up to see Jack at the front of the room.

“You ladies enjoy yourselves.  Toshiko, you deserve a night off.  Have fun with Gwen and the girls,” Jack winked knowingly before going back towards his office.

“What would you say if I was thinking of asking Ianto along?”

“You want to ask Ianto to your hen night?  I’d say it’s your hen, ask who you like.”

“I think he’d enjoy it,” Gwen looked from Jack back to Tosh.  “Something a little classy, getting a bit pissed leading to the accidental sharing of ‘secrets’.  All in good fun.”  The truth was, Gwen didn’t have many people she’d asked to come out.  Her mother and soon-to-be mother-in-law (and, oh, that was a nightmare waiting to happen), Rhys’ sister… that was it.  With Ianto there, at least Tosh would have someone to talk with as Gwen acted as a buffer between her mother and Rhys’.

Four guests and the bride-to-be.  Perhaps if she got them completely pissed there’d be no arguments.

“I’ll make sure he’s free,” Jack laughed.  “Gwen, why don’t you come up in, oh, fifteen minutes and ask him?”  He turned to leave for the archives, then paused.  “On second thought, give me twenty.”

“No thanks, I’d just as soon rather ask him now.”  Gwen made a face at Jack and darted past him, shrieking as he reached out to grab her. “Don’t you dare, Jack.”

She was back within the minute.

“Now that that’s sorted, I’m going home.  Everything’s been pretty quiet all day, but Rhys’ mam has invited herself for dinner tonight and I can only assume that she’s going to want to go over every wedding detail and try to change anything she think my mother had something to do with.” Gwen rolled her eyes, packing up her workstation.  “I’ll see you lot tomorrow, then.”

Saturday.  Assuming nothing went horribly wrong, hen night.

The day passed quickly, though the Rift was surprisingly quiet.  Before Gwen knew it, it was five o’clock and the day was over.

“We’re just grabbing a cab over and back.  We’re getting proper sloshed tonight, so nobody’s driving.  Nothing super uppity, your choice of shots and beer.  But it should be a good night,” Gwen smiled hopefully.

“It’ll be whatever we make of it, I’m sure.”  Tosh said gently.

“Okay.  I’ll see you in a few hours.  Um, it’s nothing fancy, so wear what you like.”  Gwen waved as she left the Hub, beaming.

Knowing Gwen, Tosh figured she’d be wearing something practical.  She seemed to be the kind of woman who never took her boots off, always prepared.  In fact, Tosh was willing to bet that Gwen’s clothing choices for the night would be entirely based around practicality first.  Still, she mused, there was no real reason not to dress up.  Jack and Owen would be around to cover the Rift if anything happened. Perhaps this was her chance to live that life she’d forgotten about.

After a short, but relaxing, shower, Tosh found herself staring at the closet.  It shouldn’t be this difficult to pick an outfit, she was simply going out with her friend.  With unpredictable people and raw data she didn’t know how to compute.  Hidden behind her computer screens, her laptop, it was easy to focus on the matter at hand, whatever the case may be.  Tonight, however, was going to be screenless.

Keep it casual. Jeans, then.  A grungy tee shirt instead of a blouse.  And her leather jacket.  Simple.  Comfortable.

Dressed to the nines, indeed.  At any rate, whatever she had on would have to do.  She was due to meet Ianto in twenty minutes.

Hen night had clearly started early, Tosh thought as she observed Gwen’s party.  Her parents were switching between the best of friends and worst enemies faster than she could track, though they seemed to be enjoying themselves.  A fourth woman, presumably Gwen’s sister-in-law-to-be, was glued to a phone at the end of the table.  And in the middle of it all, was Ianto Jones.

One would have never thought he was going to a hen party, looking at him, unless they thought he was the stripper.  Dressed neatly in a three-piece pinstriped suit, Ianto stuck out like a sore thumb from the party next to him.

“Don’t tell me I missed the strip tease,” Tosh said lightly as she slipped into the empty seat next to him.

“Ha ha.  Funny, but no, there’s not been a stripper out yet.”

“Might be a situation we’ll need to rectify before the end of the night.  Doesn’t really look like the rest of them are up to it and after all, what else is a bachelorette party for?”  Of course, never having been to one, she was guessing at what should happen.

“Well, I know that if you phoned Jack, he would be more than happy to spring naked from a giant cake,” Ianto said dryly.

Tosh laughed.  “Too bad, I bet it’s too late to arrange for that. Doesn’t that sound like it would shock their mothers?”

“It would definitely surprise Brenda.  As for Mary Cooper, well, I think she might enjoy that more than our guest of honour.” Ianto tilted his head towards Gwen’s mother.

“Yes well, you would probably enjoy that most out of all,” Tosh said lightly, hiding a faint smirk.

“That’s entirely coincidental and beside the point,” Ianto said primly.  Tosh hummed in response, getting up and heading to the bar to order a drink.

“Oh come off it, he likes you,” Gwen rolled her eyes.  “If he doesn’t see anything back, he’s a right prat.”

“He likes me just as much as he likes anyone, which isn’t to say very much,” Tosh shook her head, raising her shot glass.  Gwen and Ianto followed suit, the three of them downing their drinks.

“Pfffft.  Ianto knows what I’m talking about.  At least, he should if he didn’t spend most of his time ogling Jack.”

“I don’t ogle Jack.” Ianto said dryly.  “Strictly speaking, there’s nothing there.”

Gwen snorted.  “Yeah, and ‘strictly speaking’, there’s no such thing as aliens.”  Ianto scowled and looked away.  Even as his scowl deepened, his eyes lit up.

“Oh no,” he muttered. Gwen and Tosh looked up and Gwen fought the urge to roll her eyes.

“Not on my bloody hen,” she said quietly.  Ianto moved to get up, but Gwen grabbed his hand.  “We’re having a ladies’ night.  With you. Whatever it is, Jack and Owen can handle it.  If he wants extra backup, he can call UNIT.”

“Yeah, that’s likely.” Ianto watched the older man as he made his way around the pub, clearly looking for something.

“Drinking game!”  Gwen gathered the party together, blocking Ianto’s view of Jack.  She looked at her group – Ianto and Tosh, her mothers, and Rhys’ sister – and tried to think of something that would be suitable.  Already, Brenda’s lips were thinning.  The woman hated drinking and Gwen could already tell that a drinking game would lead to a row between her and Mary.  Still, it might be the only way to keep everyone occupied and away from whatever it was Jack was up to.

Weevils.  Of course there were bloody Weevils surrounding the pub she’d picked for her hen.

“Regular formation,” Jack called as he and Owen came up to the hen party.  Gwen glared at him, taking a place beside Ianto far away from Jack. It wasn’t his fault the Weevils were around, of course, but she couldn’t help blaming somebody for her ruined night.

“Okay, we’ve got a gas leak out front here.  If everyone could please make their way through the back exit, quickly and quietly, we’ll get it sorted.”  Already, Ianto was on top of crowd control, evacuating the pub.  Gwen’s mother was staring at her as she was forced to leave, trying to ask what the hell sort of special ops dealt with gas leaks.  Gwen turned away.

“What exactly is going on here?”  Mary Cooper had slipped back into the building, glaring at her daughter.

“That’s exactly the question I was about to ask,” Brenda Williams said from Gwen’s other side, otherwise ignoring Mary.

“Ladies,” Jack smiled widely, holding his arms out.  “I am not privy to divulge that information.  But I’m afraid that you’re just going to have to trust Gwen – and the rest of us – to do our jobs and keep you safe.”  Mary and Brenda – as graciously as they could under the circumstances – accepted the proffered gestures and allowed him to lead them away from the smoking rubble.  Owen frowned.

“You lot are in no condition to help with this.  Here, take one of these and go straight to bed when you get home.”  He gave each of them a tiny pill, advising them not to take it until they were in bed.  Gwen pocketed the pill and called a taxi.

The drive home was quiet, each lost in their own thoughts.

{Gwen} Balancing Torchwood with regular life was becoming more and more difficult.  True, she had Rhys, but what about everybody else? What happened if they were caught in the middle of something again?  She didn’t want to Retcon her family – not even Brenda Williams – if she didn’t have to, and… that was about as far as she could think, given her intoxicated state of mind.

{Tosh} She wondered if Jack would let her bring somebody into her life, the way he’d let Gwen keep Rhys in hers.  He and Ianto had each other, after all, and Owen…well, like Gwen had said, Owen was a prat if he didn’t see what was literally right in front of him.

{Ianto} ‘Strictly speaking’, their unlabelled ‘relationship’ needed a label.  His entire life was filled with keeping things organized and sorted and to have this major… whatever it was with Jack unlabelled was slowly driving the archivist in him mad.  Everything else in his life was sorted, filed, stored away – be it in the Archives or the Tourist Office at the Hub or in his flat.  As much as he enjoyed their not-relationship, he felt as though there was a chasm waiting to be crossed, a transition waiting to happen. And he didn’t know if he was ready for that or if he was tired of waiting for it to happen.

#torchwoodbingo2020 #torchwood #tw fanfic #gwen cooper #toshiko sato

[autty0314]

If it’s meant to be - Bucky x Reader Ch.5

Summary: You and Bucky are at the restaurant; things get a little heated when you get back to your apartment to say goodbye; Steve and Sam found some more evidence on Rumlow with Natasha’s help.

 Warnings: Swearing, implied smut, kissing, mention of an assassin

 Word Count: 2033

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 We finally get to the restaurant, I forgot how stupid crazy the traffic is in New York, Bucky opens the door for me.

“Thanks Bucky.” I said smiling as we walk into the restaurant, he smiles and goes up to inform the waitress about our reservations.

“Right this way.” She said walking us to a table excluded by the wall. We thank her while we start to sit, Bucky pulls out my seat and then sits me down.

“I heard this place as the best food. Get what you want love.” Bucky said smiling at me. I look over the menu and find INSALATA Invernale, which is Winter Harvest Salad of Sunchoke, Sweet Potato, Caramelized Pear & Spiced Nuts. Very good, it’s three course meal. So that will be my first course of the three. My second course would  have to be LASAGNE all'Amatriciana, which is Baked Pasta Layers with Guanciale, Tomato & Peperoncino, and my three courses would have to be TORTINO alla Gianduja con Gelato al Latte di Nocciola Piemontese, which is Chocolate Hazelnut Cake with Piemonte Hazelnut Milk Gelato.

“Good evening Mr. Barnes, what can I get for you started with.?” The waiter asked looking at Bucky,

“Let the miss first, I’m still decided.” Bucky said while smiling at me, I look up at the and smile

“I’d like to do Insalata Invernale, then the second would be Lasagne all’Amatriciana, and lastly Tortino alla Gianduja con Gelato al latte di Nocciola Piemontese.” I put my menu down and look over at Bucky, his face and the waiters face are so surprised that I have said all of that in one breathe without messing up any of the words. Bucky tells the waiter to make it the same, the waiter grabs the menus and walks away.

“When did you learn to speak Italian?” Bucky asked looking at me

“I took a few classes in my college years, I’m getting my masters right now in Literature. I just love the language in other counties and Italian always stuck out to me. I love the culture and the language.” I smile back. We talked for a good hour or so over our dinner, Bucky seems to be really interested in everything we were talking about, when I brought up my family history he seemed to be a bit sad since I never had a good role model since my parents worked all the time.

“So, are you ready to head back?” Bucky asked paying the bill. I smile and nod, we grab our coats from our chairs and start to head out. We get back to my apartment and we are talking outside before we part ways.

“Thank you so much for tonight, I am glad I know a little bit more about you. Your mother and sister sound like a delight. I hope to see you more, I know it’ll be hard before of your job.” I said putting some hair behind my ear. He smiles at me,

“Pleasure was all mine doll, hopefully you can some more of my friends and my family when the time comes.” Bucky says bring my hand up to kiss my hand, I blush at his gesture.

“Well, thank you. I must get ready for bed I have an AM class tomorrow. Good night Bucky.” I said smiling while unlocking my apartment door. I look back one more time to see him smiling at me and walking away after I closed my door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky gets back to his house to see Sam leaning against his door frame.

“Hey man, Steve and I got more entail about Rumlow. He’s a regular at The Rum House. We got to get to the safehouse, we have more planning to do.” Sam says leaning up to stand up straight looking forward toward Bucky. Bucky nods and unlocks his apartment to grab a few items for the meeting, the poison they bought off on of their allies, a Glock 19, and his black leather gloves.

“Let’s go, I got everything I need.” Bucky says locking his apartment back up. Sam and Bucky get into their tinted black SUV. They started on their way there when Sam sparks up a conversation.  

“So, how was your date with Y/N. Is she anything like Natasha?” Sam asked looking at the road still.

“No, she is way different, in a good way. She does have a feisty attitude like Nat, but god damn her personality is so innocent and sweet. I am definity going to corrupt her, she going to be mine for good.” Bucky says with a slight smirk on his face. He can see it now, that he’ll have her on knee begging for him to face fuck her. Her begging him to show her what a mod hitman can do to make her feel good.

“Damn, hopefully she doesn’t run away from you like Dot did. The bitch was terrified when you brought her home and she found out what you do for a living.” Sam says parking the car in the driveway.

“Sam, she knows what I am doing for a living. She said if I don’t bring her into the line of fire to get her involved then she doesn’t care. I found my soul mate and she doesn’t care about how I make my money. She also supports me for what I do.” Bucky says looking at Sam while they exit the car. Same snorts at the reply.

“It’s funny, because you are bring her in the line of work. Remember plan A dumbass.” Sam said snickering as they enter the house. Bucky was soon to see how far he can stretch her trust with this one. He doesn’t want to lose her right away because of this incident. He needs to tell her asap and make sure he can do it. He won’t let anyone touch his girl.

---

“Alright, do we know what we are doing?” Tony says looking at his people.

“Yes sir.” All his man agreed, Tony smirks looking at all them with a nod.

“Okay, we attack tomorrow. Barnes, make sure your girlfriend is working so we can assignat him that way, or you’ll be the one killing him later, on your own.” Tony says looking in his direction. Bucky nods and Tony dismisses everyone to get prepared for tomorrow events.

“So, when do  you plan on telling Y/N about needing her assistant in this.” Sam said while walking about to SUV with Bucky.

“I’ll have to send her a text, she’s asleep right now. She has class tomorrow morning.” Bucky says pulling out his phone.

‘Hey doll, I am going to pick you up tomorrow after school. I need to discuss a few things with you. Had fun tonight, sleep well love.’ Bucky sends and puts his phone on his pocket getting into SUV. A few minutes later he feels his phone vibrating rapidly in hid jean pocket. He gets his phone out and looks at the caller ID.

Y/N

“Hello?” Bucky answered.

“Hey sweetie, is everything okay? I just woke up to potty.” Y/N answered with a yawn.

“Oh, well yes everything is okay. I just have a huge  yet tiny favor to ask you.”

“Okay, what is it? “

“I’d rather ask you in person, instead of over the phone doll.”

“Okay, if you want, you can come over now. My AM class got canceled so I am free until I have to go to work at 5 tomorrow.”

“You want me to. . . Stay the night?”

“If you want, we can watch Netflix or Hulu and hangout. I have some food here if you’re still hungry after we dinner that we have 5 hours ago.”

“Sure, I’ll come. Let me go home first and grab a few things.”

“Alrighty handsome, I’ll see you when you get here.” Y/N said as she hung up the phone. Bucky smiles lightly at his phone, his smiled fades when he hears Sam chuckle beside him.

“What are you laughing at punk?” Bucky asked

“You, dumbass, you are so pussy whipped it’s funny. But hey, I am glad you found your soulmate.” Sam said nonchalantly. Bucky grumbles and looks out the window till they get to his apartment.

“Alright bub, we are here. Stay sharp tomorrow and you may have to convince Y/N a little. If you know what I am.” Sam said wiggling his eyebrows. Bucky rolls his eyes and gets out of the SUV

“Be safe Sam, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Bucky said walking inside the apartment complex he lives in. He gets into his apartment and packs a bag to stay the night and his Glock. He wants to be safe then  sorry if something happens.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I start getting everything set up for my little sleep over with Bucky. I decide to get a little dressed up for him. I slip on my silky shorts and a loose silky tank top to match, I put my hair in a nice top knot bun. I slipped on my troll pink socks. I try to look halfway decent before he came.

Knock. . . knock. . . knock. . .

I smile and walk to my door and open to see Bucky smiling back, I just met the guy and he is giving hella butterflies. I gesture him to walk in my apartment, I lock it behind him and grab his hand lead him back into my room, he looked surprised to see popcorn, and Hulu on the screen.

“If this is too much, I can do something else.” I said looking up at him. He smiles down at me,

“Doll, this is fine. It’s perfect, what are we watching?” Bucky asked taking in my outfit I was wearing,

“Safe Heaven, my favorite chick flick. It reminds me of my past relationship I had with a guy.” I said going over to my bed and patting a spot for him to sit next to her. They start the movie, and getting comfortable cuddling when it starts, Bucky noticed in 30 minutes after the movie started that I start get sleepy.

“Hey love, can I ask you that favor for tomorrow?” Bucky asked

“Whatcha need handsome?” I asked brushing some hair out of Bucky’s face.

“It will help me out in the long run. . . I have been ordered to assassinate Brock Rumlow. He is Hydra, one of the leaders. I was wondering since he comes to your bar every Friday and Saturday if I come sneak a poison into his drink to kill him. It’ll be slow kill him, he will on the streets when it fully kills him. Can you do that for me, I’ll be at your bar with you. I can sneak it to you, I won’t be asking if I didn’t have any other way doll.” Bucky asked boring into my eyes. I stare at him a moment, not sure if he’s serious or kidding.

“Wait. . .  Are you serious Buck? What if I get caught with it? I don’t want to be fired or put in jail. . .  How would you do it.” I asked Bucky takes my hand and kisses my knuckles.

“You won’t get hurt or go to jail. I’ll be in a small bottle that can be hidden easily. You just pour it in and stir it in. it’ll be flavorless, so he won’t taste it. Please Y/N, I hate to ask but there is no other way.” Bucky says looking deeply in my eyes about it. I thought for a minute.

“Fine.”

Fine? You’ll do it?”

“Yes, just one condition.”

“Anything doll.”

“I want you to take out someone for me. Simple, and your reward can be me.” I said seductively in his ear. He smirks and kisses me gently.

“Anything for you babe.” Bucky says smiling looking back on the TV.

#Bucky Barnes #steve x bucky #bucky barns imagine #bucky barnes smut #bucky barns x reader #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan smut #steve rodgers imagine #tony stark #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #wanda x reader #wanda #peter parker #peter x reader

[the-starsabove-you]

The Spotlight

Chapter 8 - You and I  A/N: Feedback is always welcomed! I’m really enjoying this story and writing it and of course when you guys like and reblog it makes me happy! This story will show how long distance relationships will be and of course the ups and downs of it. It will show also the dark side of the industry of fame, and how you could lose everything that meant the world to you in one second (That’s a little teaser) 

Michelle was grinning ear to ear when she saw Mat was calling her, she picked up the phone “Hey you!” “Hey! I just finished practice. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out and get some coffee?” Mat questioned and she looked at the clock and saw it was noon and she nodded “Yeah! I would love to!” “Great! I’m driving back to the city right now and I’ll pick you up.. Hold up, Tito is bothering me” Mat said and Michelle could hear them muttering until she heard Mat making a huge sigh and he spoke into the phone “You mind if Tito and Emily tag along? Tito says that we should double date this one” He said and Michelle could tell that Mat was sorta annoyed. MIchelle nodded “We could do a double date, we can also spend some alone time at my house later and watch some movies” She said “Of course!” Mat said, excited. He wanted to get some alone time with Michelle before he would be leaving New York for another away trip and Michelle would be traveling to some part of world for work. Mat and Michelle both knew that they would be busy and sometimes they would go with a week of not seeing each other because of their jobs. But they were going to work hard to make it work because they really liked each other. “I’ll text you when I’m downstairs” He said and she nodded “Oh god, I have to dress up nicely now” She joked and he laughed “Oh trust me, I’m wearing a suit now as we speak.” He said and he chuckled. He liked that him and Michelle could also joke around. “Alright, I need to seriously get ready so I’ll see you later” She said and he grinned “I can’t wait” They said their goodbyes and Michelle ran to get ready. She texted Emily and asked how she was getting to the coffee place and Emily was getting picked up by Tito. Mat soon texted her and told her to come down and she grabbed her bag and ran downstairs. She saw Mat’s car and hurried over and she got in to see Mat wearing some jeans, a sweater and a snapback. “Oh you look great” Mat said and Michelle grinned as she leaned forward and kissed him softly, he cupped her face with his hand and brought her in closer as she wrapped her arms around his neck and she sighed in happiness and he was the one that pulled away “Hello, beautiful” He muttered, looking deep into her eyes and she grinned as she leaned forward and kissed his neck and he let out a soft groan as he sighed “We’re gonna be late if we keep doing this” He muttered and she pulled back “I know.. I’ve missed you” She said and he grinned “I’ve missed you too.. How’s the job life going?” He questioned and she grinned “Going to Georgia in two days, then I’m back in New York for a day before heading to LA for another gig. How about you?” She said and he looked ahead as he was driving “Canada for a game tomorrow, then heading to Texas. I’ll be home by Friday” He said and she sighed “I’ll be home on Thursday and then Tuesday I’ll be leaving again” She said and he leaned back “On Saturday I’ll be doing the morning skate but then I’ll have the afternoon and all of Sunday off. Are you free around that time?” He asked and she nodded “Yeah, how about Monday? Are you doing anything?”  She said and he nodded “I have a home game, but since we’re on that topic” He said as they were in front of the coffee stop and he parked “Why don’t you come on Monday? To the game. You’ll be in the family suite and I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.” He said and she was quiet for a moment “It won’t be rushing things that I’m already going to a game?” “I don’t think so..? I mean if you feel like we’re rushing things.. You don’t have to go to the game until you think you’re ready” He said and she could tell that Mat looked disappointed and she quickly shook her head “No! I just didn’t want to scare you or anything with just going to your games or like demanding that we need to hang out if you don’t want to” She said and his eyes widen “I like hanging out with you! Trust me I do.” He said, meaning it. Michelle sighed and she held his hand “We’re taking this one step at a time. You and I. We’re gonna get through it every day. Meet in the middle and we’re going to make it work” Michelle said, very determined. Mat smiled at that as he kissed her forehead before kissing her softly “Promise?” He said and she nodded “Promise” They walked into the coffee shop, they weren’t holding hands because they were entering a public place now.. They could be photographed or someone could tweet. They saw Tito and Emily sitting at a table and they were very cuddled together. Tito’s arm around Emily’s as she was leaning on him. “Well, you lovebirds are very cute” Michelle greeted as she took a seat, Mat taking a seat beside her and Emily narrowed her eyes “Oh shut it, I know you guys were probably sucking faces early” She said and Mat shook his head “We’re innocent, I’m assuming you have been the ones sucking faces” Mat said and Tito flipped him off. “God Michelle, I don’t know how you’re actually agreeing to date this one.” Tito joked and it was Mat’s turn to flip him off as the two couples laughed. Mat really liked to see that Michelle and Tito were getting along. Tito would tell a joke and Michelle and Emily would be laughing. Michelle would always look over at Mat to see if he was laughing and having a good time as well. Michelle and Emily had excused themselves to go to the bathroom and once they were gone. Tito leaned forward “So have you and Michelle done the deeds yet?” Mat nearly spat out his drink and choked “Excuse me?” “You know, taken her to bed. You know what sex is Mat, I don’t need to educate you” “Fuck off Tito, and no I haven’t had sex with her” Mat narrowed his eyes as he placed his drink down and Tito looked shocked “Oh wow, I’m shocked” “Why? Because I can keep it in my pants?” “Well yeah, You’ve been on flings and one night stands for so long. I didn’t’ think you knew what a relationship was for a moment” Tito said and Mat sighed “It’s different with her. I don’t wanna have sex and then drop her. There’s something special about her and I want to know more about her, she’s not some stuck up model or a model that cares about how famous she is. Michelle is something more” Tito looked very impressed “You really like her don’t you?” He questioned and Mat smiled softly “Yeah..” “I’m throwing sex off the table until she wants to. I won’t be pushing her to do anything.” He said and Tito nodded in approval “I like her already, I hope she brings out the best you possible, not that you’re already great” “Aw Tito, don’t go soft on me” Mat chuckled and Tito narrowed his eyes playfully “How are you and Emily?” Mat questioned and Tito nodded “We’re good, we’re more of Friends with Benefits but we’re taking it a day at a time. She’s funny, smart and really hot. I know we like each other but we’re also taking it slow because we’re busy. She’s traveling with Michelle and I’m away.. It’s going to be hard at times” “I know that feeling. I know there’s going to be times where I’ll be in New York and Michelle will probably be somewhere across the world and vice versa. That we will not be seeing each other as much as we would like to. I know it will probably be easier when off season comes” “For sure man, I can’t wait for off season so I could see Emily more.” Tito said and Mat sighed “First I’m making sure I don’t get murdered by Michelle’s agent” He muttered and Tito looked at him confused “Her agent is really tough, she doesn’t approve of her seeing me. So I’m hoping I don’t run into her anytime soon” He muttered and Tito nodded “Oh yeah, Emily told me about the agent. I heard she could be a monster at times” “That helps” He muttered and Tito sighed “I don’t think she acts like that to Michelle, maybe it’s a protective thing. Remember that Michelle is only 21 years old. She’s also fairly new to the life of being famous. We’re pretty much used to it” “I know, I just don’t want that industry to break her.” He muttered and he sighed “I haven’t cared much about a girl since my high school girlfriend. I want to make sure the industry doesn’t ruin her spirit” “The modeling industry could be something at times” Tito muttered and Mat nodded “I know.. I know” He muttered as the girls were returning to the table and Michelle sat down and Mat smiled at her as he placed an arm around her “You’re enjoying the coffee?” He said and she nodded “I’m about to get a cookie, would you like one?” She said and he pretended to be offended “I can’t eat a cookie! I’m a pro athlete!” He said and she laughed and shook her head “I can’t eat a cookie either but do you see me refusing cookies?” She said and he chuckled “I’ll take a bite out of yours” Emily looked over at Tito and nudged him “Why don’t you tell them the idea that you had?” She asked and Mat and Michelle looked confused and Tito cleared his throat “I think we should do skiing when we have All Stars Week. If Mat isn’t doing All Stars Week. I think it would be nice for all of us to just go do some fun stuff! Hopefully no one would be breaking their bones” He said as he looked at Emily and she glared back “What!?” She said and Michelle snorted “Em, knowing all of us.. You would be the first to fall. I may have a good chance at falling on my ass but you’re gonna be the one to break a bone” “I hate you all” Emily muttered as she took a sip of her tea. They finished the coffee date and Tito and Emily said they were going back to Tito’s place to hang out. Mat and Michelle got back into Mat’s car and they drove to Michelle’s house.

#mathew barzal #mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #hockey imagines #hockey #nhl #nhl imagines #New York Islanders

[saymypiece]

This nobody’s journal of hot, boring afternoons…

Day 21 (7.4.2020 - Tuesday)

I did not sleep through the night, again! What on Earth! On the other hand, I worked out, a little, but still a workout. As in I played with my dog. She got a hold my bro/sis old silambam belt and goes around playing with it. So grabbed on to the other end and had a tug of war with her, which was fun, until she realised I wasn’t much of a competition and got bored. :S It’s alright, I will prove to her that I am worthy of her time. I shall try again. Practice makes perfect Koko, you adorable snob! 

Day 20 (6.4.2020 - Monday)

Omgoodness its day 20! I cannot believe we have been stuck at home without a choice for so long. I keep hearing of doctors and nurses falling ill, scientists working so hard to create a vaccine. I can’t help but wonder what this virus is all about. This thing we can’t see is causing so much chaos, panic and fear in everyone. And the way I see it, it’s not going away anytime soon. But our God is God over the impossible! He is the only way this virus will be washed out. This time at home, especially during this time leading up to Easter, has allowed me to spend some time in devotion and the Bible. And what I have learnt is we are not alone. Our time on Earth, though temporary, is designed to be fulfilling and beautiful. So I’m embracing that. No matter what comes against me, it shall not prosper. For my God is for me. On the other hand, I have not been able to sleep. It’s been challenging to 

Day 19 (5.4.2020 - Sunday)

As usual, Sunday was enriching and chill. Not that every other day is not chill, but Sundays, they are quite a little more chill than other days. At 3pm, I joined a group chat with some friends from church. Fun.

Day 18 (4.4.2020 - Saturday)

After last week’s shopping debacle, I was terrified about going out there with mum again. Nevertheless, we had needs and they needed to be bought, so I got ready with my gear, the usual suspects of masks, gloves and a hand sanitiser. This time, the mall staff were even more strict. They checked body temperatures before anyone could even enter the building. And only one person per family was allowed in. So, yes, we kinda put on our inner Meryl Streeps and acted the strangers we never knew we could play so well. They believed it. Heck, at one point, even I believed it. My mom, I think, may BE, Meryl Streep, I don’t know. Anyway, no drama during shopping, everything was perfect. I even got to keep my shorts intact the whole time. No, it was a different shorts, I wash them everyday. Yes, I’ve got a whole lot of loose shorts okay? They’re comfy! What some more you want?

Day 17 (3.4.2020 - Friday)

Another Friday has come and gone. There is really nothing new happening, but today, I got to catch up with the darling! You don’t feel time passing you by until you actually do something you used to do very, very often, years ago. We used to Skype and video call all the time until work and life happened. Then suddenly, it had all come to an abrupt end. This conversation felt like such a treat. I felt like I was catching up with her entire lifetime. Well, a lot can happen in over six years. Feeling so blessed for technology and this time we get to reconnect and spend quality time with each other. 

Day 16 (2.4.2020)

Ok so, sleep lost it’s way and didn’t really get back to me, blardee heartbreaker! Didn’t do much other than write and hang around all day. So I decided, to pick up my guitar and do somethin with it. :) You Say by Lauren Daigle

Day 15 (1.4.2020 - Wednesday)

I know it’s meant to be April’s Fool today, but like the rest of the world, it didn’t mean a thing. I mean, our situation right now seems like a giant prank anyway. There is no need to scare anyone else about, anything else. The greatest prank in the world right now would be to just go up to someone who’s NOT your family, and sneeze or cough right at their faces. Once they know you’re pranking em, they’d either laugh or slap you so hard, you begin to foretell your f-f-future. Even watching old YouTube videos of interviews or clips from shows where there is some amount of coughing or sneezing involved makes me cringe so hard! And I’m not the only one. Read the comments. Once thing I am certain of, whether a vaccine is found or not, is that once this MCO is over, everybody is gonna be a germaphobe/hygiene-junkies - always washing hands and sneezing into handkerchiefs and such. Anyway, goodnight, hope sleep finds me tonight.

Day 14 (31.3.2020 - Tuesday)

Oh praise the Lord I’m alright. At least, I think I’m alright. I don’t feel fuzzy, I have no fever, no headache. I was awake super early and I decided to feed my three dogs, for the first time! Let my bro and sis sleep in a little this morning. I had no idea how to do it. I just winged it based on what I thought is normally done, and it worked. The three ding dongs listened, sat patiently, ate sweetly and gave me some kisses. And then, I put on a fan for them, coz there was no air movement out. It was so weird, it was early morning and it was so hot with zero movement in the air. Man, we really need the rain!

Day 13 (30.3.2020 - Monday)

I am so not feeling good today! My mind is racing. Was it the shopping at Tesco on Saturday? Was it the Lontong flavoured Chef noodles I had for dinner last night? What is it? I have a bad headache, body ache and my brain is a little fuzzy, like when I have a fever. When I asked my sister to check my temperature, she confirmed there is a slight fever. Paracetamol. I need it. And a good shower. Had both. Going to sleep again. Maybe I’m tired, exhausted. I’ve told everyone in the house to stay away. Lord, protect papa. And heal me. Let this not be…it.

Day 12 (29.3.2020 - Sunday)

Time for church online. Mummy made friend mee hoon and some Portuguese tarts. It was one of those quiet days. Didn’t do much today.

Day 11 (28.3.2020 - Saturday)

Nope. Zoom didn’t let me down. I let Zoom down! My frickin alarm didn’t go off, or maybe it did and I didn’t hear it, I don’t know. All I know is I wasn’t up until 11.20am! The meeting was supposed to start at 11am! #muchembarassed Thankfully they were all in conversation while waiting for me. I didn’t even have time to brush my teeth. Just washed my face, tamed my hair and appeared online. Connect was awesome though. The two newcomers were great. Kinda weird we didn’t shake hands or hug, kinda weird we literally met face-to-face, online, but it was great! Cheers to new experiences, I say. Speaking of new experiences, I have never liked shopping. Like, ever. I don’t enjoy walking around, I don’t enjoy going to shops after shops after shops. Basically, I’m most men when it comes to shopping. Today, my mom and I had to run to Tesco to stock up on some of our essentials that are running low. I wore a shorts and t-shirt but with two masks, gloves, and in my pockets, Clorox anti-bacterial wipes and hand-sanitiser. We strategised how and what to touch before entering the store. I was going to be the one doing the touching, cos I wore the gloves, and my mom, wearing one glove, was to be the one pointing out what I was supposed to pick out from the shelves. Carefully, but swiftly, we began picking out everything on our list. My heart, for some reason, was drumming like a Taiko drum in my chest. And to make matters worse, sometime during our walking through the aisles, my mom completely ditched our strategy and started touching the things on the shelves! Like, ALL things! Okay, granted, I wasn’t fast enough for her but PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE, okay? Just… keep your hands to yourself and straighten ONLY the index finger. How difficult is that strategy? Now, she’d gone and made my mind spin round and round tryna think of how the virus would travel, or get stuck on her phone (which I sanitised the moment we got out), or what her gloved hand touched and what she could and could not touch anymore not that is has been exposed. Arghh! Finally at the cashier, we more or less got in sync. Everything went according to plan, like which hand she would get her debit card out of my shorts pocket with and which hand she received it from the cashier with after the payment was made. It went pretty perfectly, with the slight risk of me losing my shorts because mummy decided to shove her hands so far down my pockets. The shorts was loose to begin with. Thankfully, with my firm grip, nothing untoward happened. We got out, got home, showered and washed all the clothes we were in. All good. Phew…

Day 10 (27.3.2020 - Friday)

Thankful for technology. It’s made life very easy. Even my mom, who is completely resistant of anything “technology” (because she thinks she would destroy the internet or something) has had to organise Zoom meets, coordinate her kindergarten teachers’ online lessons and activities - it’s been quite a trip seeing my mom grow into this technological wiz, so to speak. I joined her connect group today, had a good discussion. A little nervous about mine tomorrow morning. We will have two newcomers on board. Hopefully Zoom doesn’t let me down.

Day 9 (26.3.2020 - Thursday)

It’s the end of the day, and lo and behold, I have completed the pages I was meant to complete. Turns out, I didn’t have to do some of the last pages, so that saved me some work. I was right. I DO feel blind and like a bat after completing the job, but the satisfaction of a job completed is unmatched. The number of cases keep increasing by around 130 every day! It’s not even funny how people are still choosing to ignore this situation. We are already in day nine of the MCO and they still feel it’s alright to meet their friends and family in such a time as this. If only we all, collaboratively, stayed home for two weeks, we could actually curb this virus from spreading out. STOP GIVING IT TRANSPORT! Ugh! On the bright side, I am organising our Connect meet online.

Day 8 (25.3.2020 - Wednesday)

Quick update: Still on the project. I have managed to complete around 10 pages, mostly profiles. I am so surprised at how weirdly written everything is. On COVID-19, we are 300 cases short of 2000. It’s not looking good at all. And what’s worse, the government has extended the MCO to April 14. So instead of going back to work on 1 April, I would be jobless until 15 April. Lord, I surrender this to you. Let all that happens, happen according to your plan. I place my trust and hope in You, Lord. Amen.

Day 7 (24.3.2020 - Tuesday)

…aaaaaaadddd!!!! There are sooo many words in this, it doesn’t seem to have an end! 105 pages of THIS is more than I can bear!!! I’m gonna go nuts by the end of it, or blind! Anyway, I started on this the day before yesterday, but it has been a lot of, what my dad would call, broken focus. I just can’t seem to stay on the editing bit. I keep getting beckoned by either YouTube or Facebook or Instagram, and end the day without completing even one full page… so here we are. I have exactly two days to complete editing 103 pages of words. *takes a deep breath* RM530 is riding on this, man! Get it together and do it! I know RM530 seems little, but to me, after 5 months of RM0, it’s an upgrade I never thought I’d get. #suckitup

Day 6 (23.3.2020 - Monday)

Monday has arrived. I am refreshed, I have my mind set on the epilepsy article I am gonna write and the copy-editing project from the marketing department. I’m all set. I sent my interview questions to both the people I am meant to talk to. Under the current situation, I am not able to talk to them so email is the next best thing. Except an interview over Zoom would have been better, but they can’t seem to make it. Being researchers and lecturers and all, they don’t have much time on their hands…. unlike me. Anyway, that’s done. Now, continuing the project. Ohhhhmaaaiiiigaaa…

Day 5 (22.3.2020 - Sunday)

Oh Sunday. It was a really awesome Sunday service. It was truly something I think we all needed. The praise and worship was amazing, and allowed me to just soak in worship. Despite all the chaos and fear that I have in my heart and mind, I felt a peace wash over me. Suddenly I realised that the only reason for the fear in my heart is the unknown. But every “next step” we take is an unknown anyway, so why fear this one? I will keep praying, staying home, except during essential buys, washing my hands, working and doing pretty much everything I always do WITHOUT having fear in my heart.

Day 4 (21.3.2020 - Saturday)

What a total frickin crap-show! The numbers are increasing and I’ll tell you the truth, I’m afraid. Every time I wash my hands, I can’t stop wondering if I’ve washed them enough. There is just too much stake. My dad, his lungs are really not good and I am worried about what would happen should one of us get careless and carry this virus home from some essential grocery shopping. The only comfort I have right now is that my God is bigger. I know my God is bigger than all of this. I know my God is bigger than all of this!

Day 3 (20.3.2020 - Friday)

I know I wished for an eventful 2020, but my goodness, enough already! 

OMGIF already?? So, suddenly, the number of the infected in Malaysia hit 1000+. That is really too much! Who’s to blame? Why are there still cow dungs out and about on the roads, meeting friends and speaking their essentials words and letting their spits flow freely in the world and into each others’ ears? Don’t they know of a phone? There’s WhatsApp, Zoom, Hangout, Telegram, frickin Signal, Line, FB Messenger…heck, everything has a caller these days! *checks if Tinder has a caller* Not Tinder, thank goodness. Just…ugh…stop going out. *breathes* Meanwhile, my lovely brother gave us all his homemade Ais Malaysia and it was lovely! Like, it hasn’t properly rained in quite a few weeks now, and it is sooo hot. That Ais Malaysia was truly somewhat of a saving grace. And to top it off, my darling little sister made o-maki sushi, with the tuna and everything. Superb! Anyways, all things considered, the numbers locally are not too bad, is it? Is it? I’ll just have to keep washing my hands… “His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti…”

Day 2 (19.3.2020 - Thursday)

#tbt like #tbeverydayforthelast5months ! 

This MCO doesn’t really make much of a difference for me since I was not working the last five months. This time around though, I wash my hands more, go out lesser, and can’t go out even if I wanted to. You know what? The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Home Edition is super awesome! I love it. It’s a breath of fresh air so I’ll have that to enjoy over this period. When we get out of this, I don’t think my hands will make it out “alive”. The number of times I wash my hands to the first verse of “Lose Yourself” is nuts!

Day 1 (18.3.2020 - Wednesday)

So, I started this to keep track of what is happening in this lovely, wonderful, fantastic nation during the Movement Control Order and also to me, as a… non-essential employee. Coz as long as I’m not working, I am not paid. Ok, let me rephrase that. As long as I am not present AT the office, then I’m not paid. Never been in this position, kinda worrying, but thankfully, I do have projects to complete to get me some kinda cash. Don’t know how its all gonna pan out. I am leaving all these worries to the Lord Almighty coz I know there is nothing I can do to change anything happening around me other than pray and stay home. These daily entries will be filled with dramatics and descriptive nothings, coz seriously, I can’t imagine another two weeks at home. So I AM gonna add some spice to this. Alright, so, first day was…err…normal. How’s that for spice? Whaaaat? I don’t know what to say in this okay? I am just…I just wanna remember what I went thru so…

#mcomalaysia #mco #stayhome #covid_19 #coronavirus #malaysia

[canaryatlaw]

okay. so. today was pretty fun. I had set my alarm for 10:30 as we’d agreed Jess would pick me up at 11. Well, I woke up to said alarm at 10:30 to a series of messages from Jess telling me to get up already because she wanted nuggets before we went to the con. I told her I’d be ready in 15 minutes, because I was being good and woke up half an hour beforehand when I knew it only really took me 15 minutes to get ready when I’m not doing my make up (doing it in the car here). So I got ready, doing Peter Pan today because I gotta take advantage of my short haired red headed cosplay options because I hate wigs and will be wearing them both Saturday and Sunday. Got picked up, went to Mcdonalds, drove to con, didn’t get stuck in ridiculous traffic like we did yesterday, so that’s a win. I’m trying to remember the details of how everything went down, when you’re there all day and you’re doing different things within a small space it can be hard to remember exactly what you did when. But I think we got there and went to find some people and talked with them for a while, then found Jess’ two friends (”friends”) who were running around doing different things, after waiting for them for a little bit. And I mean, for most of the day we just did different versions of walking around and finding people and looking at things? we’d hang out with a certain group of people for a while and then they’d go off and do a photo shoot or something and we’d migrate to a different group of people. At some point during the afternoon we decided to go through the whole show floor aisle by aisle to assess options before buying anything. I knew I wanted to get a t-shirt of some sort, and sadly there were very few legends-related items out there (I think the only places we really saw them were in the sections where you have the IDs from different shows) so I figured I’d either want something Wonder Woman or Superman related, since those are my other two faves. I was also potentially looking for a cool backpack that’s somewhat bigger than the one I have now because in two weekends we’re doing HVFF New Jersey/Rose City CC in Portland over two days and are just bringing backpacks, and since I decided tonight that I am going to cosplay both days (and the NJ one I am SO excited about!!) I’m gonna need something that can fit a lot of things. What’s annoying about the t-shirt thing is pretty much all of them at cons are only in unisex sizing, not women’s sizes, and I don’t really like how they fit me so I don’t end up wearing them as much as I do the Wonder Woman or Superman shirts I have in woman’s sizes. The other thing I might potentially buy is an Elektra from Daredevil funko pop because back when I was still looking for Katniss but was getting convinced I wouldn’t be able to find her (before I found her online) I was considering making Elektra my next one, and she would fit nicely on my stack of funkos in their boxes (that are literally in a stack on my dresser right now that consists of dark haired women who totally kick ass because apparently I am predictable like that (right now it’s Wonder Woman, Jessica Jones, and Katniss) (I do have three other funkos that are out of their boxes and placed elsewhere, which are my White Canary and Captain Cold, placed in conjunction of course, and Smallville Green Arrow played by Justin Hartley love of my life and the only actor to portray Green Arrow in live action as far as I’m concerned). So we set off to do that. A number of good Wonder Woman options I took note of, a few ones that are old comics styled, a few featuring other Justice League members like Superman and such (though I’m really not a Wonder Woman/Superman shipper like, at all, so not those because Clois is the only valid ship for Clark Kent, though I am open to WonderBat possibilities). There is also a very cool Wonder Woman backpack we were looking for that I’ll probably go back and get because it had a lot of places to put stuff and looked like it could fit everything nicely, it was just 60 bucks so I wanted to make sure it was definitely the best one before actually buying it. The Elektra pop has shown up a few places, cheapest so far for $10, so I’ll keep looking at those since there are of course a ton of places with pops. We kept getting stopped by random men that wanted to talk to us because Jess was being a fucking furry (she got asked to take a picture with two people in full on fur suits and I was dying laughing while also taking a picture of it). By the time it was like 5:30 or so we were pretty much done with everything, so we ended up meeting up with some people and heading to one of the restaurants over by the parking garage, because if you eat at one of the restaurants there they’ll validate your parking so you don’t have to fork over like $15 just for parking. So we ended up going to the German restaurant, which is always a bit of an adventure lol. The first time my family went to DisneyWorld when I was like 12 our restaurant reservations got messed up for one of the days and the only other place we could get in was the German restaurant in Epcot, and all I remember is there menu being like, essentially like three different types of hot dogs, so whenever I think of German food now that’s what I think of, and how I somehow managed to not barf it all up when my brothers and I ran (literally) from Epcot over to Animal Kingdom to get to our fast pass for Expedition Everest, which we made with like 4 minutes left on it and then went on the crazy roller coaster where I was sure I was gonna puke it all up (our restaurant reservation was for like, 4:40, and the fast pass was between 6 and 7, so we thought we’d be fine, but the restaurant got super backed up and didn’t seat us till like 6:15, so we basically ate like half a meal and then ran from the middle of the Epcot circle of nations through the rest of the park, onto the tram and then all the way through Animal Kingdom to Expedition Everest, making it at 6:56). But we got some super cute pictures of my darling baby sister who was 3 at the time and like at peak cuteness dancing to the polka in the German restaurant so that was definitely worth it. ANYWAY. this restaurant seemed somewhat similar in that there was a polka band and everything but thankfully had a larger menu selection. Jess and I ended up splitting some potato pancakes (sorry Germans, they weren’t as good as latkes) and a jumbo pretzel because she doesn’t eat red meat and I’ve been getting Meat Fatigue™ (which we’re still pretending is a real thing okay). We had an interesting conversation going on around us as the guy sitting next to me was trying to say it was bs that people were making excuses for James Gunn in that situation when strongly condemning Trump for making obscene comments, except he was not explaining it well at all and it was totally being lost in translation for everybody else until I was like okay, this is what you mean and explained it and he was like “yes, exactly! I like her” to which I was like 😂😂😂 understanding what people are saying pretty much all the time and explaining things happen to be two random talents of mine that come in handy a lot. So the meal was pretty good, one of the ladies we were with graciously picked up the tab so we were very thankful to her for that. At that point we were pretty beat so we walked back to the parking garage (after getting our parking validated) and drove home. I got dropped off and we planned to pick me up at 10 am tomorrow. I fumbled in the dark with my keys for a few minutes because somehow all the outdoor lights and the lights in the hallway of my building have gone out and not been replaced (yes I could’ve turned my flashlight on on my phone but I was being stubborn and wanted to do it myself) but eventually got it figured out. NICKZANO was very happy to see me, though I told her she’s gonna have to get used to being alone more once I get a job (at some point, anyway). I think I may actually be allergic to cats though, because my legs where I’d been letting her sit on are like hella itchy, but it’s obviously not a major issue at all and I’ll just like, put pants or longer shorts on from now on and that won't be a problem. I showered and changed into my pajamas, then watched a few episodes of 30 Rock, keeping it nice and light. I’m in their 5th season now out of 7 (which is kinda funny because I’m also on the 5th season out of 7 on GoT right now) so sooner or later I’m gonna have to find something else for funny filler episodes when I just want funny tv. And yeah, I did that for a while and then finished getting ready for bed and here we be now. So yeah, lots of fun, hopefully tomorrow will as well, I will be debuting my Ava Sharpe cosplay (who I was never really planning to cosplay but ended up needing to do so for our photo op with Matt Ryan which is gonna be fucking hilarious, just wait) and seeing Matt Ryan so that will be fun. I’ll probably wait till Sunday when I’m doing my also new (and pulled together exclusively of stuff I already owned because business wear) Lois Lane cosplay to see Tom Welling and Michael Rosenbaum. I was considering doing a photo op with them, but their joint one was $150 which is a tad excessive, and like, Tom alone was still $90 and I wouldn't even know what to do in a single one with him because I’d rather like, have one with both of them so Tom and I could look like we were fighting Michael, but also Michael has hair now so he doesn't even really look like Lex Luthor anymore, so given all of those factors I decided meeting them and getting selfies with them in my cosplay would be good enough. Okay, that’s all I got, it’s 1 am and I’m waking up at 9:30 and I like sleeping so I’m going to go to bed now. Goodnight peeps. Have a lovely weekend.

#daily journal #August 2018 #Jess tag #Rachel's cosplay adventures

[goldencups-a]

howdy, everyone! ❀❀❀

hello, nice to see you again! sorry for the small hiatus, a lot of things happened in my life very quicklyand i didn’t have much time to write posts with my boy asriel here. here’s an update!

❀ i joined a fourm rp called bearbones. i used to rp on this place called feralfront for a good five years before i left due to the toxic environment and people that bullied me awfully there. i even recently learned that the owner of the site is a pedophile sympathizer. yuck. this being said, bearbones is run on the old server, so it looks the same as feralfront did before it changed it’s layout. i cried from all the nostalgia and immediately joined. i rekindled some old friendships and brought back my old ocs. i was stuck there for a couple days and completely ignored citta. i’m sorry, my loves. i love this fucked up city and all the characters and the wonderful muns and mods. i’ll never neglect you again (that’s probably a lie). 

❀ i saw markiplier in indianapolis! it was an amazing experience and my friend got called on stage. fucking. amazing. we slept in a hotel and my friend got wasted and we played cards against humanity. horrible hotel, it was really sketchy and had mannequins in the windows.

❀ i turned 16! one step closer to living under societies rules, dealing with taxes, and working 50 hours a week until i ultimately die. heck yeah! i also went to dinner that day after work, so i couldn’t do replies when i got home.we went to a vegan friendly place and i was overwhelmed with the options to the point where i was nearly crying at the stress of having to pick sometime. i’m used to ordering fries and leaving.

❀ i started a job on my birthday too. from going to being barefoot all the time and walking 5000 steps or so a day to wearing full covered shoes and walking 12000 steps around a gas station is HARD. i’ve been, understandably, exhausted.

❀ i started a new medication! it made me tired as hell for a little bit and it’s been giving me so crazy dreams. but, if you know me, you know my body typically reacts awfully to medication and i get horrible side effects. this is nothing! after a small little bout of wild emotions, i’m pretty much back to normal with a lot less anxiety.

❀ i came out as nonbinary to my close family!! it went so much better than i could have ever expected from them, even if they don’t completely understand right now. i was under a ton of stress about that for a few days.

❀ pride is this weekend! friday and saturday i’ll be spending the time there with my girlfriend and her family is having a cookout saturday night. sunday is fathers day so expect business then too.

all of this being said, posts should go back to normal SOON! hopefully, if i don’t pass out after work tomorrow, ‘ll get some responses done and throw them in the queue. a starter call may be up for the event too, but i’m realllly bad with time restraints so this might actually... not be happening. if i have more time like this by next monday where i can’t get anything done, i will put asriel on a hiatus. then i can get all my drafts done and come off when im comfortable enough to be on a schedule. i’m trying to remember that this is for fun and my mental health is more important! trust me, i’m trying! while i’m catching up, if anyone wants to hmu and plot with me or something, feel free. love you beautiful people, i’ll see you soon! <3

#oυт oғ pιe |❀| ooc