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mikeys-bike-slut · 3 months

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Untitled - Sequel - PT.6 -EDITED/fixed

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey darlings, I apologise for the long delay things been just chaotic lately and trying to find the right picture to edit stressed me out so for my own sake I decided to stop doing my fake panel edits. I'm sorry :( I hope you will still read it <;3

Here's part 6 hope you will enjoy! Thank you for @kokonoiscoconut for being my muse and for letting me use Monica <3 we stan Monica in this house.

Previous Part

T.W: n/a

***

The next day Monica and I met up quite early and spent the entire day together. It was nice to be away from the whirlpool I had back at home with Wakasa and just have fun and be free of those drowning thoughts.

The day went by quite quick and neither of us wanted it to end so Monica came up with the idea to go out clubbing, apparently she knew a good place for it. Of course we did a last minute dress shopping, I let Monica pick my dress out; it's been way too long since I went out without Waka and I always dressed to impress him and to keep his reputation up. Even if I still wasn't the most feminine woman ever it still felt nice to look pretty for my own accord. Not gonna lie I actually liked the dress she picked out; short, tight, black with a low cleavage decorated with some thin chains and crystals. I actually felt very confident and surprisingly comfortable.

"Are you ready?" Monica asks excited as she leans into the bathroom to check on me.

"Hell yeah" I grin and she gives me a thumbs up. "Drinks are on me" she winks at me as she holds Kokonoi's black card between her delicate fingers.

"Sounds good to me" I return her wink then grab my phone and place it in the small clutch bag Monica let me borrow.

Of course Kokonoi called a limo for us, he couldn't join us but he reassured Monica he'll be at the club. After getting to the club we found Kokonoi quite quickly and he lead us to the top floor of the club aka the VIP section. The beautifully decorated terrace had different booths most filled with rich men and young women on their lap, nothing I was not used to from Wakasa. As we walked to the corner where the biggest booth were I noticed weapons laying around and many of these men wearing either guns or swords which made me slightly uneasy.

"You're safe with us" Kokonoi reassures me as we sit down at the booth. "What would you like to drink?"

"Whiskey, straight, please" I nod with a smile.

"Oh by the way I might have invited my two single friends" Monica leans to me with a grin and I just shake my head with a smile. "They're idiots but they have a good heart, and as I said, they're very cute and very single" she winks at me and I just chuckle.

"So you're my new wingman, huh?" I chuckle. "I am fine though, but thank you"

"Say that when you meet them" she winks. "Darling, get me my usual please" she says to Kokonoi who nods and kisses her before standing up and going to the bar.

I watch Kokonoi walk off and suddenly starting to feel a bit awkward, it has been a long time since I had a night out with friends so I wasn't really sure what to do, but thankfully Monica took over. Her and I started talking about men and exes and shared our weird and funny experiences, we continued the chat until I suddenly hear someone spoke up behind me.

"Alright Moni, we're here, where's this bombshell you were talking about?" I turn around and I almost choke on my drink as I find the Haitanis standing there. Monica notices me choking and just chuckles.

"Told you they were hot" she winks at me.

"Sweetheart?" Ran's eyes widen along with his younger brother's as we just stare at each other.

"Wait... you guys know each other?" Monica cocks a brow as she look at us then her eyes widen. "WAIT, ARE THEY THE GUYS???" she blurts out excited and my face goes red.

"Oh, you've been talking about us, sweetheart?" Ran asks with a smirk as he leans down to me. "What was she saying, Moni?" he asks with a grin as he looks over at Monica.

"Not my place to say, you three maybe should have a nice long chat" she winks.

"I support that idea" Rindou speaks up. "Let's go to our spot" he nudges his brother.

"Sounds good" Ran grins as he extends his hand to me. "M'lady?"

"Suck up.." I roll my eyes with a smile as I take his hand and he helps me up.

"See you guys later" Monica grins at us and waves as I walk off with the Haitanis.

The brothers lead me to an empty secluded booth that has their initials on the side of it. Once we sit down Rindou pulls me close to him and gives me a tight hug, without hesitation I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest inhaling his scent, that scent that I missed so much. For a second the world stop spinning and the blasting music is drowned out by his rhythmic heart beat. I let out a soft sigh then pull away from him while I reach up and caress his cheek.

"My beautiful Rin" I smile softly and his lips curl into a small smile as he closes his eyes and rubs his face against my hand.

"We missed you, you have no idea how much" he says then motions to his brother.

"Hey, sweetheart" Ran smiles as I turn to the older brother. "You look stunning, as always. The red really suits you" he smiles as he runs his softly runs his fingers through my red hair.

"Thank you, you both look very handsome. What happened to your locks Ranny?" I ask softly as I play with his short hair.

"Got bored of being mistaken for Wednesday Addams" Rindou answers with a grin and Ran just flips him off with a laugh.

"It was getting to be a pain, long hair not really practical when fighting" he chuckles. "You don't like it?" he asks as he runs his hand through his navy blue and lavender locks with a flash of worry in his tone.

"No, it looks really good, it suits you. You look like a gentleman" I bite my lip as I caress his lips. "You both do" I glance back at Rindou who offers me a smile. "So does this mean, I can see you guys again?" I ask but both of them goes quiet as the smile disappears from their faces.

"I don't know..." Ran sighs.

"What if we meet in hotels? I can even wear a disguise" I suggest as I look at back and forth between them.

"Maybe. We have to think this through properly. You're in a lot of danger" Rindou says and I look at them confused.

"What do you mean? Rin, Ran, just what is going on?" I look at them confused and they once again go quiet. "Please... Or if you guys don't wanna see me just say that..." I say with a slightly annoyed tone to which both of them picks their heads up.

"God no!" Rin blurts it out then groans. "It's not easy for us. You think it was easy for us to leave you at the pet shop?"

"So it did happen... I knew it wasn't a fucking dream" I say gritting my teeth in annoyance, unsure if I'm more annoyed at the brothers or Wakasa.

"Don't blame Wakasa... we asked him to lie to you, because we knew if you knew we're back you'd look for us and God forbid you ever show up at Bonten HQ" Rindou explains.

"Look the only reason I wanted to know more about Bonten because of you, but now that I have found you I can stop looking, unless you guys disappear then I have know other choice but to investigate Bonten more" I shrug my shoulders with a smile being fully aware I got them.

"You're so fucking bothersome..." Rindou groans then shakes his head with a smile.

"If we promise we're back in your life, will you promise to stop look into Bonten?" Ran cocks his brow as he looks at me.

"I promise" I smile as I draw an X over my heart with my finger.

"Then it's a deal" Rindou smiles then sighs as his smiles suddenly disappears. "What about Wakasa?"

I suddenly go quiet. What about him? Suddenly my head turns into a whirlpool as I'm trying to figure out what and how I feel but all I can think about is having my brothers back.

"I don't know..." I admit it quietly as I look down.

"If you're happy with him, we respect your wishes and we can leave you be" Ran explains.

"I don't know. Lately the butterflies he used to give me just turned into raging moths that turns my stomach..." I say with a sigh as I lean against Rindou.

"Have you talked to him about this?" Ran ask as he caresses my back, giving me comfort.

"Not yet, I don't even know how to start to be honest... Honestly? I miss the old days, the fights, the excitement, the last minute rides and races to the beach... I feel like I'm just a shell of who I used to be. I'm no longer Toman's Angel" I say quietly and sniffles as tears start to form in my eyes.

"Oh petal..." Rindou sighs as he holds me close. "Wait... if you're the girl Monica meant then does that mean you're the one who's personal friends with Jekyll & Hyde?" he cocks a brow.

"Yeah.. that's me" I nod quietly.

"I swear to God..." Ran chuckles. "You just turn everyone into lapdogs aren't you?" he nudges me with a smile making me let out a chuckle.

"I wasn't planning on it, I swear!" I chuckle as I wipe my eyes. "Hyde used to know my brother, and we bonded over that"

"You have a brother?" Ran asks and Rindou just punches him in the arm making him exclaims in pain. "What?!"

"Ignore him, Petal" Rindou says and I chuckle softly as I shake my head.

"No, it's okay. I used to, but I was quite young when I lost him, he died because of me, so I have just buried his memory deep hoping I can just forget it, no one knew about this except Mikey" I explain and Ran just gives me a short hug.

"Sorry for bringing it up. But on the positive side; good to know that Ginza's two psychopath are your bodyguards" he chuckles.

"Yeah, at least we know you're in safe hands" Rindou shakes his head with a smile.

"But I missed my other psychos" I smile as I hug them both.

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opposite-pomni · 2 months

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Heyy!! A Little new to this ya know? So hopefully you treat me nicely!! You can ask any questions you like and I'll be so so so so happy to answer!! Oh, but I'm sure everyone needs rules right? Here ya goo!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules!!! 1. No NSFW. I don't like it. 2. ZERO HARASSMENT TOLORENCE. Teasing is alright but other than that, no. 3. No homophobia, transphobia, racism, making fun of religions, etc. 4. Angst is allowed. 5. I'm dumb and can't think of any more :< ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Hey this is the mod!! As you saw in the thing this is mod Moni!! (new name) B o z o's get used to me making too many blogs for my own good.} ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway!! I hope to have tons of fun here and hopefully get redeemed!!! I love this place just so so much!! I never want to leave!!!

#opposite-pomni #pomni au #pomni blog #opposite au #the amazing digital circus #tadc pomni #pomni #tadc

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sungbeam · 9 months

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describe your favorite mutuals & their bias/biases <3

omg i always feel so much pressure for these cuz i have quite a handful of moots but i shall try my best !! thanks for ur ask anonie o7

@justalildumpling & na jaemin — both just uber delulu and mutual orgasm donors 😭😭 their astrology/horoscope reading says they'd be good for marriage, but i think WE r a much better match 😚 anyways, i love u j my beloved wife and soulmate !!

@jaehunnyy & jung wooyoung — bro i didn't know which teezer to pick for u 😭😭 but since the craze lately has been mr wooyo 😗 chip is just the sweetest and most wholesome bean ever?? (except lately 🤡 woosan is getting to her) but she deserves the absolute world

@winterchimez & lee sangyeon — my parents !!! absolutely adore ally :')) she's always encouraging my shenanigans and one of the most supportive people on this app. i feel like every day i learn that we have another thing in common w each other LOL

@ethereal-engene & lee jihoon — NO CUZ EKFNEKDK when i tell u ash looks like woozi (゜-゜) im not even kidding, they both look SO good in specs and i love ash sm, she GETS ME and im so convinced we're like actually long lost relatives 😭😭 the way she puts up w my shit and supports me all the time :')

@loveliestfelix & choi yeonjun — omg no because nana is supermodel material?? supermodel gf and bf say HUH???? her writing is something to fall head over heels in love w !! my beloved angst queen 🫂 ilysm im always thinking of u <3

@tranquilpetrichor & (i wanna say) yoon keeho??? — eris i just realized i don't really stan some of the groups u do and i haven't seen u talk abt ur biases recently 😔 SO PLS DO TELL ME ABT THEM !! but i wanted to include u here bc it didn't feel right without u 😭 but she's so underrated and one of the chillest people ever, and a literal ballerina like 😳 that shits hard bro

@zzoguri & ji changmin/kim sunwoo — MY FELLOW KYUBODAN MONI AHHWHDINEJDJD they are AMAZING at writing??? i guarantee u will fall in love w their style, and they're also just so easy to vibe w and talk to 🤧🤧 hope to get to know u even better bestie :'))

@haet-sal & ju haknyeon — CAKECEYYYYY 😩😩😩 ik the ship name is hakcey/hickey LMAO but cake 😎 anyways LMAO lacey is prob who i aspire to be?? 😭 like u guys don't understand how pretty this girl is and the fact that she's SO COOL TOO?? i feel like i'd be so intimidated by u irl tbh 😳

@goldenhypen & jake sim — my canadian counterpart and chinese 04 twin 💖💖💖 i miss u sm omg i will always uphold that em is one of, if not, THEE nicest person on this app. like if u touch her I HURT YOU 😐🔪 she is sooo so compassionate and caring and just wah i love u sm i hope ur doing alright :'))

@sseastar & byun euijoo (i think? im sorry i don't stan &team 😔) — yet another author here who's style of writing absolutely blows me away skdnkendk like the slice of life ghibli movie vibe of her writing makes me SING and she's also a very cool woman in stem™ </3 she's also so soft and sweet, and i only have the most tender of thoughts toward her

@hqrana & omg im so bad i know eric sohn for sure 😭 — we actually haven't talked about many other groups besides tbz and svt skdnekdk OKAY BUT MY MARVEL MOOT !!! i treasure noa so much, like what a star and the way we literally have so many fandoms in common??? for the longest time (and still) i look forward to interacting w her just cuz she is absolutely SO fun to talk to 💖 ly bff

#sungbeam strikes again #lovely anon <3 #moot ❧#okay that took longer than i thought it would 😭😭 i just realized a lot of u prob know my biases but idk urs 💔💔

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apatheticcrossovers · 9 months

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Can you do part 3 aka final part to biltzo x Monika fic?

Part 3 can be about biltzo getting Monika out of game

She would mostly stay the same when she is out of game expect for demons horns and tail

6 years later,biltzo and monika would get married and have 2 years old daughter named holly (mostly imp in appearance expect for brown hair)

Of course! I hope you like this one! I think it came out really cute! - Mod Apathetic

All For You (Part 3)

Fandoms: Doki Doki Literature Club, Helluva Boss Ship: Blitzo (Helluva Boss)/Monika (Doki Doki Literature Club) Characters: Blitzo (Helluva Boss), Monika (Doki Doki Literature Club), Loona (Helluva Boss), Holly (Original Character) Tw: none Summary: Blitzo had finally gotten Monika out of that game, Loona didn't even believe that Blitzo was actually telling the truth about his 'digital Girlfriend. 6 years later, things are going great for them.

Blitzo couldn't believe he had actually done it, he had actually gotten Monika out of that game. It was, definitely not easy, had to find some more unknown magic, had to make a few promises that he probably wouldn't keep but she was here, and she looked just like she did in the game... well, almost...

Monika's body lay on the couch in Blitzo's apartment, Blitzo and Loona standing over her. "Huh... So this Monika chick was real... I mean uh, she did actually exist..." Loona felt a bit odd looking at the woman. She was almost entirely human, save for the horns and tail. Blitzo nodded, putting his hands on his hips.

"Yep! It took forever, but she's finally here. You know, you'd think magic like this would be more popular in nerd spaces." Blitzo looked down at Monika, jumping slightly as she started to stir. "Oh She's waking up!" He couldn't help but feel excited. He had spent so many hours talking to her, and now he was meeting her in person!

Slowly, Monika opened her eyes, looking up at Blitzo and Loona calmly. "Hey Moni, you feel alright?" Blitzo's voice was gentle as Monika sat up, looking up at the two.

"It, It actually..." Monika almost couldn't believe it as she realized where she was, rubbing her eyes as she looked around. The first thing she noticed was her tail, and she could already feel the horns on her head. She looked betweenBlitzo and Loona, not sure what to say. "I... I feel fine just... I might have to get used to the tail..."

Blitzo scoffed and waved his hands dismissively. "Oh please, you won't even remember it's there half of the time!" Blitzo said, glancing over at Loona, who seemed to be a bit awkward about this. 'Oh, right, uh, Monika, this is Loona!" Monika perked up when he introduced Loona, smiling at her.

"Oh, right, you're Blitzo's daughter right?" Monika asked, holding her hand out for Loona to shake. Loona hesitated before shaking her hand, still looking away.

"I'm, adopted actually." Loona tried to sound uninterested, which Monika wasn't seeming to buy at all, she just laughed and smiled at Loona.

"So? He still cared enough to adopt you!" Monika sat up more, smiling at Loona. Blitzo couldn't help but watch, to be fair, Monika was his girlfriend after all, it was probably important that they got along. "You know... remind me of an old friend of mine Loona."

Both Loona and Blitzo seemed to perk up about this. Blitzo knew she was probably talking about one of the other characters from her game, but he's never seen Loona in any of the other characters. "Huh, What does that mean?" Loona almost seemed offended, but she had to admit, she was curious.

"Oh, well, two of them actually. You're pretty similar to my friend Yuri in a way, but also like Natsuki a little bit. I bet you would've loved Natsuki!" Loona rolled her eyes, trying to seem upset, but she couldn't help but wag her tail at the fact that this Monika girl seemed to like her.

"W-whatever, I'll be, in my room." Loona crossed her arms and quickly walked off to her room, Blitzo not even seeming worried. Despite this, Monika still seemed concerned.

"Is she ok Blitzo?"

"Oh yeah, I already told you about how she's basically an angsty teen. She'll come around eventually!" Monilka tried to feel reassured. Surely Loona would warm up to her one way or another.

"Anyways..." Blitzo stretched, cracking his back. "Now that you're really, how about the Horse riding lessons we've been planning?" Monika couldn't help but giggle, it's one of the only things Blitzo had talked about doing with her. He really wanted that to be their first date.

Monika sighed as she walked into the apartment, letting out a sigh. "Loona, we're home! How was everything?" She smiled as she hung her keys up on a hook near the door, talking off her jacket, and placing it onto a cheap coat rack.

"Yeah, yeah, Holly behaved really well." Monika knew that was a lie when she looked over the couch and saw the brunette toddler sitting in front of the couch, surrounded by sploches of pain on the ground.

"So, that means you'll at least help with cleaning all this up, right?" Monika sounded stern Loona looked away from her phone for a moment before rolling her eyes.

"Ugh, do I have to? I mean, it adds some color to the place, don't you think?" Loona let out a small chuckle, Monika giggling as well before quickly yanking the phone out of the hellhound's hands. "Hey, what are you."

"Loona, she was your responsibility while Blitzo and I were gone, which means, it's you're responsibility to clean up the messes she made while in your care. Come on, it'll only take a few minutes, and I'll keep your phone nice and safe while you do!" Loona and Monika stared at each other for a moment, before Loona sighed, caving.

"Fine. I'll do it..." It was clear Loona didn't actually wanna take this responsibility, but... she had no way to argue against Monika, and there was no way she was hurting her step-mom over a phone.

As Loona reluctantly got up to grab cleaning supplies, Blitzo walked over and picked Holly up, the small Imp hugging her father tightly. "Wow, look at that, she barely argued this time! You really are making some progress with her!"

"Oh please, it only took 6 years." Monika crossed her arms and sighed, smiling down at her Husband, she still couldn't believe all of this was real, she had not only found the love of her life, but had a family with him too. "Now come on, I can go clean Holly up, you can-"

"Oh no no no..." Blitzo held up his hand, stopping Monika from continuing. "I'll clean Holly up, you deserve a break. Plus, someone has to make sure Loona actually cleaned up, and you're better at stuff like that!" Blitzo leaned up and kissed Monika's cheek, before walking off to the bathroom. Monika felt so lucky to have him.

Monika looked over at Loona as she entered the living room with water and paint. "Here, I can help you if you want, it'll make things quicker." Loona was silent for a moment, before nodding, it was as close to a 'thank you' as Monika could ever get out of her.

Monika would still sometimes think back to the club, the things she did to get here, and even wonder if her friends from the club were still out there somewhere. But for now, she tried to focus on the good things, like her husband, and her daughters, and the new friends she's made here. She was happy with this, and she wouldn't want it any other way.

#*✧･ﾟ:{short fics/imagines}#*✧･ﾟ:{anons}#*✧･ﾟ:{requests}#blitzo x monika #monika x blitzo #monika ddlc #blitzo helluva boss #ddlc #blitzo #proship #proshipping #crossover ship #crossover shipping #ask to tag.

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big-uwu-stan · 10 months

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Hi val!

I been doing alright. I want to write but I have more adult responsibilities than usual to attend sooo…😭 Hoping to get back to it next weekend and still be motivated

On hot take I assume as in like a controversial question? (It's not boring btw, I've been thinking about it for a couple of minutes hehe)

Yeah, when I asked that question, I was thinking something that people might be split on like mint chocolate controversy (I’m against btw) or pineapple pizza (I’m for btw).

But there are times when they don't do anything wrong and are criticised for it (like things I see as normal and others don't)

Yeah, to me, at the end of their day, they’re humans and not objects. They’re not perfect and that’s okay. If I don't like an idol's actions, I just don't follow them anymore? Too much work to type lmao.

What do you mean there are controversies because they smoke??? 💀💀💀

ASKDFSF I saw a article like a month ago and they were criticizing him for “being friendly with his female friends”, “hang out with a group of girls,” and “hanging out with non-celebrity female friends” (not perfect quotes but I want to make it clear that THESE ARE NOT MY WORDS). He just sounds like a person in their twenties tbh. There was also a comment about talking about going to the bar. Here’s the source. My favourite comment was this 🥰:

Y'all should stop crying about them dancing PROFESSIONALLY with female dancers like, what is your problem?? You are not only invalidating ENHYPEN's work (because Heesung directed the whole fucking comeback) but also the dancers careers. They didn't chose the dance bruh, they live from dancing what they're assigned to do, so I think it's a disrespect towards them.

I don’t follow ENHYPHEN personally so I can’t speak to it much but was definitely aware about this because it seems like a lot of my moots seem to be engenes. I felt sending protest trucks to remove the female dancers was a uhhh...no words 💀 That's all I have to say.

Hey again moni!!!! Same tho, I've been wanting to write but haha I've got to see were to live if i am accepted at the college I want lol (might post something today tho👀)

I'm also against mint choco but I'm for pineapple pizza ahhshshsn (the problem with pineapple pizza imo is that it is hot, like when I make pizza at my house we first do the pizza then add the pineapple so yeah auuduaus)

I think people keep forgetting that they are as equal as each and everyone of us, like being famous doesn't give you anything different from me (well yeah money and fame, but for what honestly?)

Bruh I'm not even surprised atp but it is alarming how controlling some "fans" are :/

Yeah no words left to say, but they are just doing their job like???? What???

Anyways hope you can write when you can and that you can rest a lot

Lots of love moni <3

#moni <3 #big uwu stan friends #big uwu stan #taerrrrrae #<3 #:))

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starrzhao · 11 months

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Hi ely! Long time no talk! Hope you're doing alright 🫶 Is school over for you?

---

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. learn to know your mutuals and followers :)

HI MONIII !!

i was hoping to talk you againn and we can finally have a proper convo soon T__T ANYWAYS I HOPEE YOU’RE DOING WELLL MONI <3

unfortunately, I still have a month left of school so I’ve been quite busy :”D I’m excited be graduating high school in a few months ! (and be free from school tbh WHISSHSHS)

from the top of my head:

1. my dogs! I have two hehe and they’re both very loving and sweet, they’re my emotional support T__T

2. drawing in my sketchbook

3. boys planet/ zb1 they rlly made the first half of my year, it was definitely not on my bingo 2023 card to watch a survival show or stan another kpop group. i lowkey miss tuning into the show every thursday

4. socializing!! lol although I am introvert, I do like to talk and meet new people I swear it’s just that i have the worst social battery known to man but i do love making new friends ( tho I don’t have any friends on here BEISJSJ but feel free to chat meee anytime i do not mind and I would love to have more zerose moots ! )

5. this girl I have a happy crush on ! I just think she’s so cute and adorable, I feel so happy when she’s around hihi

#ely’s mail 💌

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hxseok-honee · 3 years

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new update schedule!

hello friends!! first of all let me just say wow im sorry for going right off the map the last couple of weeks. i wont be answering all my asks bc theres a LOT but i just want you guys to know that i have read everything single one of them and i want to thank you so so much for all the kind belated birthday wishes and also for checking in on me while ive been MIA?? so many of you checked to see if i was alright which is so sweet?? thank you?? anyway here's why ive been missing yikes :

it seems that literally the minute i turned 23, everything in my life was like,,,,, what if we just implode??? so thats been fun

to make a long story real fuckin short, i have no monies and a lot of very big expenses coming my way very soon so i went into what i like to call Panic Mode, which entails tunnel visioning onto what is stressing me out most until i can find a solution for it

ive spent the last few weeks essentially applying for any job i could find and also trying to scramble because september is officially the start of Honees Grad School Applications, so ive been really trying to fine-tune my applications and my paper and just about everything because if i dont get into any of these phd programs im very screwed (also, applying for grad school?? very expensive!! which is yet another reason i need like 2 more part time jobs)

the good news!! is that i actually did end up getting a job, so im very happy about that! i also just finished testing for a second job (its a translator job so i needed to do like 72 hours of translation tests which hurt me but its okay) and i should be hearing back about that this week so i really hope i get that one too

all of that is to say, i have really missed you guys and writing sundress and planning aus and just everything about this place, but i literally could not concentrate at all any time i sat down to write the next update because i have been a big ball of anxiety about money and school so!

now that im in a better place, im gonna set up an update schedule! because, unfortunately, updating every day is no longer feasible for me until at least mid-january. and i dont wanna just kinda not set up some kind of schedule bc i will absolutely end up disappearing again when life gets hard, so i want some structure both for me and for you guys so that you know what to expect --

for now, im going to be updating twice a week : wednesdays and sundays! im gonna try my best and if i can afford another day of updating, i will adjust the schedule, but i really think two days is all i can promise right now

i will try to be online more often throughout the week to answer asks and chat w you guys about the aus and life and everything, but the updates are gonna be kinda strictly set for those two days for now

thank you to everyone who was so kind in my asks and dms, and pls look forward to the update on wednesday! ily <3

#thank you all for being so patient and waiting!! <33 #tldr updates are wednesdays and sundays now!

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lilchibi-chan · 3 years

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Hawks x Reader Comfort

this post wasn’t planned, but i kinda just wanna be held right now. if you feel the same, I hope you enjoy this.

Hawks is on duty tonight, which means you will be going to bed alone. This is something you’re used to being that you and Hawks have been together for a while and this just comes with the territory of dating a hero. He does try to make it up to you however he can.

There are nights that are hard and tonight is one of those. Things have been quite stressful lately and at the end of the day when you come home, you just wish you had him to vent to. Then for him to hold you and tell you everything will work out/be okay. Or even if you don’t need to vent, just go spend time watching a cheesy movie or show or binging one that you’ve been wanting to watch.

It’s around 1:30, when you decide to finally fall asleep. You turn the tv off and get comfortable under your comforter.

You sleep for a couple of hours when you hear noise at your front door. You look at your alarm clock on your night stand and it a quarter to four (3:45).

You hear the door close shut and the lost turn. Then you hear his keys hit the small table by the door. You sit up in bed and wait for him to enter the room.

You notice as he tries to enter quietly, as to not wake you.

He turns around and is surprised when he sees you sitting up, holding the blanket to your chest.

“B-baby bird, I’m so sorry I woke you,” he says apologetically

“No, it’s okay. I really couldn’t sleep anyways,” you say honestly

He takes off his hero clothing in the bathroom that is connected to your room and returns in his underwear.

He crawls into bed slowly, as it’s force of habit for him since you’re usually asleep when he gets home.

As soon as he gets comfortable, you move closer to him, nuzzling your head into his chest.

“A-are you alright,” he asks concerned

You simply nod.

“Humming bird~, I know something is on your mind. Why’re you up,” he asks

“I-I just wanted to be held by you,” you finally say,“I can usually get to sleep, but lately my mind has been going a mile a minute and things have been so stressful and I-”

“Shh, baby bird,” he says bringing you into him and caressing your head,“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. I know with me being a great hero it can be hard to stay with me because you don’t deserve to be left alone. You deserve someone who can be there all the time. I promise I will try to be better. I can’t make any guarantees, but for you, I’ll do anything to keep you smiling.”

“Keigo,” is all you manage to get out before wrapping your arms around his neck and scratching the back of his head.

“You’re right, it is hard being the significant other of a hero, but I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else in the whole world. Right here is where I wanna be,” you say

“Baby bird, you’re my whole world. I will try to be bet-”

You kiss him.

“You’re perfect,” you say adamantly,“all I want is to be in your arms and never leave”

“Now, that’s a request that’s always guaranteed,” he says and moves as close as he can get to you with no space in between, wrapping his arms around your waist and his wings cocooning you and him.

“I love you baby bird. I will never leave you. Whenever you need me, I’ll be here..holding you like this..as long as I can...”

You both fall asleep in a matter of minutes.

Art by Moni Balony on Twitter

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bylaudelekha · 3 years

Note

OMG SOOUB IF YOU CAN PLAY GENSHIN I WOULD REALLY RECOMMEND IT !!! it's super fun and the characters are adorable, i really think you'd enjoy them! i'll warn you it's a gacha game with pretty awful appearance rates for five star characters so if you'd like to avoid it that's super understandable, but!!!! it's free to play and i love it very much :>

there's also a co-op function so once we both unlock it i could come to your world and we could kill together 👉👈 which would be a great time hehehe~

ALRIGHT GENSHIN RANT OVER anyway hi ily i hope you're having a great day!!! ❤️

OOOOOO YAY THANKS FOR THIS LEO

i had a few genshin twitter mutuals before i quit and i seemed to get the gist of it?? i guess it's kinda like feh in a way bc it's free to play but spending monies gives you a huge boost lol

YES I WOULD LOVE TO KILL WITH YOU THAT'D BE GREAT <3

and thank you again! sat in design technology with a sub and i am bored as shit

#leo tag 🙃#sooubway answers #monikalesbian #genshin impact

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katerpotater · 3 years

Photo

Revisiting my 2020 resolutions LOLOLOLOL

Happy 2020! Hope this year is s for you and yours. 2019 was a roller coaster that I got to ride with some amazing people. Old friends and new friends--you're what keeps me going so thank you. My goals for the year ahead are to

1) be more intentional in my friendships, ie: more face time with my buds, HAHAHAHA lots of FaceTime alright

2) take up pottery--not to make money but to create for the sake of creation, I did do this in the beginning of the year, and while I made a couple cool things, it’s not for me. I’m a weirdo who doesn’t like the feeling of dry hands (like when I’m at the beach, I bring lotion so I don’t have to feel the dryness between my toes lol).

3) buy a goddamn motorcycle because now I live in California, have a parking spot and (finally!) a license, nope, didn’t do this. and of course my moto license didn’t transfer back to canada. but that’s ok honestly, i think I like dirt biking more than riding on the street. People in cars stress me out.

4) refresh my scuba diving skills because the ocean is a wonderful, terrifying place, nope, also didn’t do this, mostly because COVID but also because I don’t really want to. Back when I got my certification, I did it because I absolutely was terrified of it. I had my first panic attack during my open water dive woo! But! I did do it, and it IS amazing. But it’s been 5+ years since I was last diving, so I need a refresher. And honestly I envisioned this more as taking a couple refresher classes in a tropical place haha. My husband LOVES diving and I want him to get certified so this would be my way of doing it with him.

5) take more photos of my friends--W come back, you're so good at making us take photos together, HA! nope.

6) "get into investing" which for me is the most boring thing because ugh money, I did do this a little bit? I don’t know what I’m doing tho. And invested about a grand that is now 2 grand so I think that’s good? hah I have no idea.

7) keep trying new things at work, and try not to stress the small stuff, I legit got good at this! Having a new boss who is supportive makes this possible.

8 ) start volunteering again, at least once or twice a month, ugh no, but I supported my husband as he volunteered with the Red Cross to help with fire victims? I did donate regular monies, but I’m looking into some local non-profits here.

9) boring but make exercise part of my lifestyle (I have this one every year ) and, yes! I did this.

10) keep on enjoying life with all its ridiculousness. oh yeah, more ridic than usual this year.

#personal

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manggojooz · 4 years

Text

Foolish Love, Fake Love (Part 3)

pairing: idol!Jungkook x bodyguard!reader

word count: ~1,800

genre: idol!au; angst; romance; drama; enemies to lovers sort of thing

warnings: none

previous part: Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2

summary: If all you can give me is a fake love, then I will be the fool to pretend that it is all true.

comments: sorry if the chapter is a bit short haha but im trying to get myself back into writing in baby steps =) pls comment or reblog if you liked this <3

How do you explain love? Is it a feeling? Is it an agreement? Is it an experience?

---

The day felt like months.

You were using Yuri’s phone to surf the net, her nose poking into the side of your chin as she leaned against your shoulder, trying to read the tiny words on her phone too.

“When are you getting your phone back?”, Yuri asked soullessly.

“Whenever the reporters stop calling, I hope...”, you answered. As though on cue, Sejoon bursts into the waiting room, causing Yuri to knock her forehead into your cheekbone when she abruptly shot up straight.

Sejoon dragged his feet along as he approached your side and held out a handphone for you. “Use this phone in the meantime, I've saved a few contacts in it for you. And Director Lee wants to see you for a while”, he said sheepishly.

You handed Yuri’s phone back to her and Sejoon caught a glimpse of the article you had been reading.

---

As you made your way to the higher floors of the BH building, the lift ride was silent and awkward. Half a day has since passed after Rapid released the exclusive article confirming that Jungkook was dating you. Sejoon suddenly blurted, “I suggest you don’t read any of the articles...”

You looked at him silently.

“You know the saying right... a pen is mightier than a sword... in this case, a keyboard is definitely mightier than a gun”, his tone was serious yet soothing at the same time.

“I know... I won’t take the articles or the comments too seriously”, you said almost nonchalantly.

He shook his head slightly, “it’s easier said than done, Y/N. It’s better if you just don’t read them at all”, he stared ahead as he nagged gently at you.

Somehow you felt a tinge of warmth from the situation, which softened the otherwise difficult and draining day.

---

“Since it doesn’t make sense for you to be a bodyguard anymore, we just said you are a staff member. But let’s be clear, you are not qualified to do any other job so your job will still be the same. In fact, now you have more to guard...”, Director Lee was rambling on more than she usually would.

You only nodded in response. For some reason, since the earlier part of the day you have felt like you no longer own a voice. It is as if you had given your tongue to the sea witch but in return you got a fake prince.

“We have put all the policies in place to ensure employee confidentiality on this situation. But since you are a lead character in all of this, we believe it calls for a little more documentation...”, she fumbled around, tossing files around her desk. It was the first time her room seemed a little messier than it usually would be.

Her assistant who had been standing next to her this whole time, meekly pointed towards a black thin folder resting under her elbow. “Alright, I got it”, she snapped.

She opens the folder and tosses a document in front of you. “Sign it”, she instructs, and her assistant almost immediately holds out a pen to you.

You stare at them with a puzzled expression and Sejoon, who had been standing in the far corner of the room, peers over in concern.

“I’ll read through it first...”, you were hardly even batting an eyelash at the whole situation now. After all the entire day has been incredulous on top of more incredulity.

Director Lee scoffs and was about to say something when Sejoon swoops in, grabs the document as well as your arm, hurrying to pacify the executive, “I will explain it all to her quickly and will get it signed by the end of today, Director Lee.”

---

“Clause 4.3, basically it’s just saying that this arrangement will be for an initial three months from today, and the management can decide whether to shorten or lengthen this term. Clause 4.4 says that you shall not speak about this arrangement with anyone outside the company...”, Sejoon was rattling all the terms written in the contract.

“... Clause 5.2...”, he paused and cleared his throat while scratching his forehead, looking rather uneasy, “... Clause 5.2 says that you cannot fall in love with Jungkook... ummm... I can’t read the rest of it to you, it’s too cringe for me... anyway point is that you should just stay professional ok?”, Sejoon gave you those little sheepish glances he was always so good at.

“What if I break any of these terms?”, you asked outrightly with folded arms, sitting across from Sejoon in the tiny pantry reserved for staff members.

“Ummm... let’s see”, he flips to one of the pages at the back, “here... you gotta return all the advance payment made to your company and its employees... meaning the payments made to Ssam Chun and Yuri too... and there’s a penalty sum”, Sejoon pauses again. “But Y/N, I hope you know this isn’t what should be of concern right? If you get into the bad books of the management, it’s not going to be just paying back all these monies.”

Sejoon was right, the power and influence that a relatively large company like BH would have, cannot be summarised in just monetary terms.

“I’ll think about it...”, it all made you more reluctant to sign off on that stupid contract.

“Y/N, there isn’t much of an option here...”, Sejoon said but he still handed the agreement to you, knowing you probably needed some time to come to terms with it.

---

You clenched the contract tightly in one hand and walked down the long corridor. This feeling was indescribable, you were confused, you were alone, you were afraid – it just felt so wrong and your entire body felt the weight of it.

You were trudging along towards the lift lobby when you think you heard Jungkook’s voice coming from a room further down. You couldn’t hear what he was saying but as you approached the room you heard a woman’s voice too.

“No Jungkook, it’s ok... I have no right to meddle in your private life like that”, she said coyly and you recognise that it is Yeonjoo’s voice. She had a distinct tonality when she spoke, and people often praised her for it – it was somehow cute and cool at the same time but not unnatural sounding.

“What do you mean, Noona?”, Jungkook sounded taken aback.

“I mean... if you are really dating her, I should be.. no, I am happy for you... I really shouldn’t have come down here today... but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened the other night and I hope nothing has changed between us...”, her voice was getting softer and you had to strain your ears to hear what she was saying.

You rolled your eyes, “she’s good”, you thought to yourself. This was a classic example of managing her fish farm and Jungkook was one dumb fish trapped inside. It's not that he can’t leave, he willingly does not leave, and she sure seemed bent on making sure it stays this way.

“No, Noona... you have no idea how grateful I am that you came down. They took my phone away since this morning and I've been stuck here wondering how I am going to explain all this to you... She’s really our new bodyguard, I mean... staff member... I didn’t even know her name before today! So how can it be possible that I am dating her?”, Jungkook was exasperated.

To think about it, half the people you have guarded before probably do not remember your name. Yet now he remembers you, even though it is for one of the worst reasons ever.

Just when Yeonjoo was going on about Jungkook not having to explain himself to her, someone taps your shoulder, giving you quite the shock and you lunged backwards almost hitting him in the process.

“Oh it’s you! You gave me a shock!”, Kijin exclaimed.

“Look who’s talking”, you mumbled snidely, glaring at the man who landed you in this situation in the first place.

“Oppa? Is someone outside?”, Yeonjoo called out.

Kijin gestured for you to enter the room, as though saying ‘would you rather go in yourself or have me drag you inside?’

The moment you entered, Jungkook visibly tensed up.

“Were you eavesdropping on us?”, his frown was so deep that you started getting a little nervous.

“I was just walking past, and I heard your voice so I wanted to see if it’s a good time to talk because there’s something-”, you were making an attempt to explain yourself.

“There’s nothing to talk about between us...”, he cut you off promptly and continued frowning, his tone was very hostile.

“Jungkook, there’s no need to talk to her like that...”, Yeonjoo gently chided him, “she probably isn’t happy about landing in this situation either, just like how you are feeling.”

Jungkook lets out a light chuckle, “Apparently her handphone wallpaper is a photo of me... so I really don’t think she’s feeling what I’m feeling right now”, he said rather dejectedly. This somehow piqued Yeonjoo’s attention.

“So you are a fan?”, her eyes were already pretty huge but it got even larger, “wow... and will you still be following Jungkook around for his schedule after all the... news?”

“Seems like it... it’s still my job to do it...”, you answered earnestly, regretting coming towards the room at all.

“You must really love your job”, Jungkook suddenly turned sarcastic and you felt a twitch in your chest.

“I do...”, you tried to keep up that professional posture but was sure that your insides were tangling up slowly.

“Even if your job is making a fool of you like this?”, this was the longest Jungkook had ever looked at you in your eyes.

“I’d rather be a fool”, you answered.

“As opposed to a ---?”, he asked, still with the same annoyance he had when you had entered the room.

“As opposed to a liar...”, you thought to yourself.

You decided to face the situation and his concerns head on. "Yes, I like you as a fan, but it won’t become anything else just because of this situation.”, you said as you put down the contract on the desk before them, flipping to Clause 5.2.

“Love is not an arrangement, and it can never come from a contract. This...”, you tapped the agreement slightly with your fingertip, “this is not love. And I'm not foolish enough to believe it is. So, you really need not be worried about it either. If nothing else, just know that... as a fan, I want you to be happy at the end of the day.”

“And I will be... if you can keep that promise...”, Jungkook replied after glancing at the page laid opened before his eyes. To say his words didn’t hurt you would be a lie, but there was also a sense of relief that at least he killed any hopes before they could be groomed.

Without answering him, you picked up a random pen from the notepad holder in the middle of the table and signed your name at the end of the document.

---

Love is a promise.

And you promised, never to love him.

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lexiy-dreyar · 4 years

Text

Mehcanics birthday

words:1,466

tw:fluffyness

charaters: lucy heartfelia, natsu dragneel, xarana,lexiy,star and amaniz drayer, nkita monos and ???, void, chara, gem, frosghen,

Monos walking through the halls of the house when he walked by a calendar he noticed the words may on the top"hmmm.." He looked down at the marker "oh it may second ehehe my birthday is tomorrow!!" He cheers looking back at the calendar to see may 3 marked in stars handwriting he smiles "she remembered" he smiles looking down to see amaniz and nkita marked in may "oh amanizs birthday is 2 days after…." He looks down remembering his cousin "hmm uncle Monos are you ok?" Amaniz asked "huh yeah just remembering somethings...how about you" he chuckles petting the young girls head "your gonna be 6 in a few days…..well technically 16 you excited?" He smiles as her "yeah I guess so…..do you think moms ok?" She fiddled with her hands "yeah her and void woke up and are safe in the hospital your mom will be discharged tomorrow and void will be discharged 3 days be your birthday" he crouched down to match her hight "...and aunty star" she mumbled " well….. Were not sure yet she hasn't woken up yet but im sure shell be awake in time for nkitas birthday" he smiles standing up "now come on its getting late you have some training to do" he picks up the slightly dozing of girl "hmm"

-the next day-

Amaniz and nkita made their way to the hospital"hmmm.." Amaniz fiddled with her hands "hmm is something wrong?" Nkita asked looking down at his side, she shook her head no before slowly holding his hand "hey un-no big brother do you think uncle void will remember me" she asked softly "yeah im sure he wouldn't stop asking about you" he softly squeezed her hand "ama...i know you were scared...you dint have to act tough anymore... you're not like that dont be like your mother be you..ok?" He asked, hearing sniffling coming from her, he sighed softly picking her up "i-im not a kid" she sniffles. The bluentte shook his head no "but your still a child...you were aged up 10 years so you couldn't naturally change...thus your emotions were increased drastically to where you couldn't even control a small bit so dont worry about it ok?" He softly kisses her temple "hmm thank you big brother" she smiled softly "your welcome" he mumbled as they entered the hospital doors and headed up to the 4 floor

-one elevator ride later-

"Here room 409" amaniz pointed as she was let down "hmm let's see if they're awake" nkita whispered gently knocking in the door "hello?" The two peaked in seeing lex staring out the window with a blank face void rambling to himself and star still under intensive care " mama!" Amaniz cried running over to lex tightly hugging her, crying into her chest "you're ok..' sniff' and your awake" she cried feeling a pair of arms wrap around her "hey there kiddo" lexiy whispered softly pulling her child into the bed leaning back slightly so they were both comfortable "aww that's so cute" void chuckled as he sat up "so babe what's up with you" void winked at nkita making the blue boy blush "iv told you to stop calling me that" nkita grumbled embarrassed "what oh come on you've gotta be kidding your my catch and im yours end of the discussion" void pouts acting like the little kid he is. Nkita shook his head in disappointment before hearing the room door open again "yo!" He heard the voice of his brother "oh hey Monos ho-" "There's the birthday boy!!" Void interrupted nkita "eh eh thanks dude" "no problem bro" the two laughed.

Monos looked over to star his eyebrows burrowed seeing the wires and needless in her hurt him "hey there starshine how are you, sweetie?" He gently touched her cheek "I know you can here me and I'll be waiting for you ya know" he blushed slightly when her head tilted onto his hand. He smiled seeing a small smile on her face softly kissing her forehead "best present ever" he smiles "creep" nkita jabbed in "As if you have room to talk" Monos glared at his younger brother" are we getting me out of here or what" lex groaned "mom you still se-" "mom?!! No more mama?" Lexiy teared up "what did you do to my baby girl!" Lexiy cried hugging amaniz tighter crying crocodile tears "u-um I did nothing…" nkita void and Monos sweatdropped "nothing happened mom I just grew out of mama its kinda babyis-" the young wizard was interrupted by her wallowing mother "WHHHAAA" she cried making her daughter laugh at her antics "eh eh there we go..i missed your cute little giggles " lexiy smiled happily crushing her child "ack-..mom….cant….breaaathhh" the brunette struggled her face slowly turning blue "ahh sorry!!" She let go "what no fair wanna go too" void pouted "sorry but your not quite healed yet for you to be up and drinking" nkita chuckled "fine baby you better bring me back cake" void snuggled into his blanket slowly passing out.

-meanwhile-

Xarna walked down the dark hallways "miss I'll be going now" she bowed "xarna...you remember your mission correct after all you do still want that happily ever after right" she could hear the voice smirk "y-yes I do" she stutters "good 433, gem frosghen go with her and send my happy birthday" the voiced ordered"yes ma'am" the cheery voice of the purple-head cheered "oh god gem stop doing that voice!" The pink frog groaned "oh shut it frosghen!" Gem pouted "we should get moving" 433 suggested as the 4 went on there way.

-scene skip-

"Ughhh can I open my eyes now?!" Monos groaned "nope keep them on bro!" Nkita chuckled as silence took over, only the wheels of the wheelchair could be heard "am I moving to slow mom?" Amaniz asked looking down at her mother as she pushed her around "im quite fine its ok amaniz" lexiy smiled "I hope to god there done by the time we get there" nkita grumbled "it's not to far see its right in front of us" amaniz pointed out "ok cool what is it?" Monos groaned "yoouuuullll see" nkita smirked evilly "creep" "oh shut it!!"

Nkita slowly opened the door and slowly left Monos' side "ehh kiki where are you...dont tell your planning on killing me now" he heard some heald in laughter before taking off his blindfold "SURPRISE HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONOS!" his friends cheered "aww you guys I thought I side no big party" he chuckled "as if we would go small" lucy smiled "now lets party!!!" Natsu cheered "yeah!!!" The guild said in unison,

They all laughed, and yelled and parted into the night

The party was slowly starting to die down. Monos went outside for a little fresh air "ahh man thises guys are the best" he chuckled taking a sip of his drink "are you having fun? Big cousin?" A voice asked him "huh whos there?!" He looked around "aww that's cold" the voice whined he continued to look around the frowned...but soon recognized the voice "no way...how your dead" he muttered softly "well I was...but I have been reborn... I will make you pay for what you and cousin nkita did to me! I thought you loved me!!" The voice cried "we do and we regret what we did but it was the only way to save you im sorry" he teared "if you want I'll make you a new body one so realistic no one's notice!!" He cried "we really miss you" he dried his tears "hmmmm no I already have a new body and they're oh so nice to have me in them I will get my revenge you've earned my mercy for now...but she hasn't she will pay for her sins" the voice grew demonic "but iv seem to overstayed my welcome ill see you both soon the game is on~" the voice faltered. Monis looks down at his drink "I hope to god im just tripping the 500-year war is not something that should happen again...ughhhh there goes my party mood...welp time to get dru-eh" he froze seeing a slightly levied chara " so she wishes to kill me as I did her huh...alright then" "chara please dont the last thing we need is all hell to break loose!" Monos warned her "just a few more people Monos-dear then we'll see the time if fate is nit something I can control….but I can ruin it now go enjoy your birthday" she smirked as she disappeared into snow like dust……."good god I need to get drunk" Monos sighed as he heads back in.

#fairy tail oc's #unikin #unikinc #lucy heartifilla #natsu dragneel #monos #nkita #chara #lexiy drayer #amaniz dreyar #star drayer #xarna drayer #void-senpai #433_7889 #ocs #yes there back

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yuckitup-jwd · 4 years

Text

Historical people answer the question - Why did the chicken cross the road?

Douglas Adams: Forty-Two

Earnest Angsley: To be HAYELED! in the name o'Jayeeezus!

Marcus Antonius: The evil that chickens do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones.

Any Philosophy 101 Professor: Why not?

Any Calculus Professor: The road, if expressed in the form (y2-y1)/(x2-x1) is approximate for cases where lim(y2-y1)/(x2-x1) as (x2-x1) -> 0, is represented by the derivative, or rate of change, of the road with respect to the chicken, such that the value of the chicken may be assumed equal to the value of (y2-y1)/(x2-x1), for small values of roads.

Jane Austen: Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being posessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Neil Armstrong: One small step for chickenkind, one giant leap for poultry.

Arthur, King of the Britons: What do you mean? African or European chickens?

Paul Atreidies: What name have you for the chicken shaped stain upon your road? That shall be the name that you shall call me!

Lord Baden-Powell: Because as a Chicken Scout, it needed the Road-Crossing Merit Badge.

Bilbo Baggins: Oh what I wouldn't give to back in my nice, warm Hobbit-hole! I hope I never have to lay eyes on such a thing as that chicken again!

Baldrick: It had a cunning plan.

The Band: To take a load off....

The Bandit, in The Treasure of The Sierra Madre: "Chickens? Chickens? We don't need no stinkin' chickens!"

Clive Barker: He was drawn to the road, and he didn't so much cross the road as the road crossed him. And once across, the chicken entered into a frightening void, filled only with the screams of a thousand agonized souls. The hands of doom reached out of the blackness, strangling the chicken, smothering him, suffocating him. He could not escape, as no one who crosses the road can escape. He was now a prisoner of the Cenobytes, doomed to an eternity of pain.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

The Beatles: To be free as a bird!

Lavrenti Beria (ex-head of the KGB): This is a State Secret -- we have informants everywhere.

Bill The Cat Ack. Thpppbt

Blackadder: Queenie: Because I told it to. Percy: To acquire a hunk of purest green Lord Flasheart: To DOOOOOOOOO IT!

Lucien Bouchard: So that it could be SEPARATE!

Ben Bova: To be reunited with beautiful grey-eyed Athena, the woman he has loved for all of time

Brisco (Law and Order): For A Bagel

Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce and Bruce: To grab a Fosters and get away from the poofters!

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Archie Bunker: I don't care what them there chickens do, as long as they stay on THEIR side of the street!

Bugs Bunny: What's up, cluck?

Robert Burns: Fair Fa Your Honest Sonsie Face Great Chieftain O' The Chicken Race The blackened road 'ahind ye said Ye best run quick ere ye be deid!

George Bush: If it did it was out of the loop

George Bush: (again) It could see the thousand points of headlights....

Rhett Butler: Frankly my dear, it didn't give a damn!

C3PO (1): Sir, may I remind you that I am fluent in 6,000,000 forms of communication and this chicken has not... shutting up, sir.

C3PO (2): Sir, according to my calculations, the odds of a chicken successfully navigating a road are 3,750 to 1 against.

Caesar: It came, it saw, it crossed.

Joseph Campbell: In primitive cultures, we can find many such examples of the chicken motif that cannot be dismissed as mere coincidence. For instance, I am reminded of an old Navajo legend in which a buffalo crosses a stream to "come" to the other side -- an obvious negative language devised to prepare tribesmen for a transcendental experience. Similarly, the Hindus believe in savanaya, or a sacred cow that leaps over a chasm on Thursdays. Through metaphorical interpretation, we are led to realize that all examples suggest an attainable higher state of consciousness like that of Nietzsche's ubermench, or superman, as outlined in his novel "Thus Spoke Zarathustra."

Albert Camus: Seeing that an indifferent world lied on all sides of the road, the chicken knew it would be absurd not too cross, and for that moment, the chicken knew what it was to really be alive. It was if the bird had been asleep its entirely up until this choice was put before him. So, with a newfound determination and a smile, the chicken valiently crossed the road only to be put out of its mercy by an eighteen wheeler.

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

Johnny Carson: Let me tell you, it was so cold at that farm... Ed McMahon: How cold was it? Johnny Carson: It was so cold, that the chickens were mugging the sheep to get wool for sweaters!

Raymond Chandler: Across these mean streets a chicken must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. He is the hero; he is everything. He must be a complete chicken and a common chicken and yet an unusual chicken. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a chicken of honor - by instinct, by inevitability, withough thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best chicken in his world and a good enough chicken for any world.

Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY....STAY....STAY....STAY....STAY...

Cheech (or Chong): Just to be there, man.

The Chicken: I am crossing the road to block traffic as a protest against ..." (thump).

Commander Chikotay: I'm not sure but I can find out. That chicken is my animal spirit guide.

Noam Chomsky: To manufacture consent

Tom Clancy: The Mark 84 gargleblaster that the chicken carried, at the heart of which was an inferior ex-Soviet excimer laser system, had insufficient range to allow the chicken to carry out its mission from this side of the road.

John Cleese From Fawlty Towers: Manuel from Barcelona: "Que?" Basil: "You know, a chicken crossing the road...." Manuel: "Que?" Basil: [looking it up in a dictionary], "Un Pollo..." Manuel: interrupting, "No, No we out of chicken.." * WHAP!!*

John Cleese: Because it was very silly.

John Cleese: (again) This isn't a chicken license, you know! It's a dog license with the word "Dog" crossed out and "Chicken" written in in crayon.

John Cleese: (#3) This Chicken is no more. It has ceased to function. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's a stiff. If it wasn't nailed to the road it'd be pushing up daisies. It's snuffed it. It's metabolic processes are now history. It's bleeding demised. It's rung down the curtain, shuffled off the mortal coil and joined the bleeding Choir Invisible. This is an Ex-Chicken.

Bill Clinton: What?

Bill Clinton (again): The chicken was persuaded to cross the road by the Democratic congress. It is now returning to the middle of the road

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

John Constantine: Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.

Alastair Cooke: Good Evening, and welcome to Masterpiece Theatre. Tonight, we present the epic British drama "How The Chicken Went," based on the 1843 novel by Herbert T. Poultry, and adapted for the screen by Joanna Drumstick. Starring Susan Hampshire as the Chicken, and Anthony Hopkins as the evil and unrepentant diner, Borstrom, this elegant period piece explores the mores and morality of a society in which ordinary chickens had to face their destiny of crossing the road to meet their fate at the hands of the monied upper classes, regardless of their own ambitions or desires...

Shiela Copps (Deputy Prime Minister of Canada): BECAUSE I SCREAMED AT IT REAL LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sheila Copps: Okay, I know that the chicken promised it would cross the road if the Liberals failed to eliminate the GST, but it was a stupid promise to make and the chicken deeply regrets ever making it. However, the chicken will not be crossing the road because to do so would cost tax payers $500,000.

Sheila Copps (a few days later): Alright! Alright! The chicken will cross the road like it promised. But it'll be right back again. Now leave me alone.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecendented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Jacques Ives Cousteau: Zee cheecken, unaware of zee dangare beehind heem, crosses zee street. Weezout warning, zee Porsche strikes, and zee balance of zee nature ees maintained.

Stephen R. Covey: When the chicken and the road can work together for the win-win, the result is synergy!

Jean Cretien, Prime Minister of Canada: "It wasn't a chicken, you know, it was an Inuit carving of a loon. But the RCMP should have been there anyway..."

Aleister Crowley: Because it was its True Will to do so.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Stephanie Daniels: It was the turtle's day off.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Commander Data: I do not know. Although I have compared all of my 437 billion data points relating to chickens and roads, there is no possitive correlation between the two.

W. Edwards Demming: But is one chicken crossing one road of statistical importance? Only once we have established an historical baseline of chickens with respect to roads, with calculated upper and lower control limits, can we make that determination.

Arthur Dent: Are you sure the chicken is from Beetelgeuse, and not from Gilford after all?

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Descartes (again): The chicken was merely a machine and was crossing due to the deterministic nature of the universe.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Bob Dole: Do you know that before that chicken had gotten across the road, its cellular phone was ringing and there was a lawyer on the other end asking if it would like to sue the city for not putting up a traffic light.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must a chicken travel down, before they call him a man?

E.T.: Chicken, phone home

Ecclesiastes (1): For every fowl, there is a season. A time for garlic, a time for sage...

Ecclesiastes (2): This bird is meaningless.

Wyatt Earp: Well, chicken, are you gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?

Eeyore: If it did. Which I doubt. Not that it matters.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

T.S. Eliot: It's not that they cross, but that they cross like chickens.

Harlan Ellison: Because he had no beak and must scream.

Emergency Medical Holographic Doctor on U.S.S. Voyager: Maybe it was trying to state the nature of a medical emergency.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Epicurus: For fun.

Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.

Sybil Fawlty: BASIL! Why is there a CHICKEN in my hotel?

Dr. Johnny Fever: To escape from the Phone Cops!

Fiver (from Watership Down): Don't you see it? The sky has turned to blood, the field has turned to fire... THE CHICKENS! DON'T YOU SEE THE CHICKENS?

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

Barney Fyfe: Now Andy, let me tell you a thing or two about chickens. Chickens cross roads in those other counties, but not here in Mayberry. No chicken crosses no roads in Mayberry without Deputy Fyfe knowing about it!

Gandalf: O chicken, do not meddle in the affairs of roads, for you are tasty and good with barbecue sauce.

Bill Gates: For the money

Frank Bunker Gilbereth: To minimize its therbligs

Jim Gillis: The chicken crossed the road to show the gophers it could be done.

Newt Gingrich: To get to the RIGHT side of the road.

Newt Gingrich (again): The chicken had to cross the road, because, bogged down by the incredible debt burden, it was no longer able to fly.

Newt Gingrich (III): It was safety pinned to one of those damn punk rockers!

Ira Glasser (ACLU): The chicken maintains an absolute privacy interest in information as to whether or why he or she may have perambulated the thoroughfare.

Johann Wolfgang v. Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Sir Charles Grandiose: As surely as the golden hairs turn to silver, as surely as the sands drift silently through the slender neck of the hourglass, the last sunny days of summer flee soundlessly under autumn's chilly embrace. And with those last days of that warmest and most joyful of seasons, left the road's edge the sprightliest young chicken ever a Baronet did see

Hercules Gryptyppe-Thynne, (All-around Public-School Cad): That's not a chicken! It's a clever disguise, inside of which is Count Jim "Thighs" Moriarity.....

Gary Gygax: Because I rolled a 64 on the "Chicken Random Behaviors" chart on page 497 of the Dungeon Master's Guide.

Hamlet: Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of oncoming vehicles.

Thomas Hardy: The road was black, the sky was white (and so were the feathers) as the bright red mark on the top of the chicken's head gleamed in the twilight. It was a pure chicken and it was doomed.

Mike Harris, (Premier of Ontario): Like evrything else in this province, it was facing the axe.

Paul Harvey: And now... page two... a chicken... attempts to cross... the street... yes... the street... and is... run down by a... Buick! The Buick Roadmaster with it's powerful perfomance and elegant style! Yes... that poor chicken... hit by the Buick... it's true... it's... true... and speaking of true... your local True Value Hardware Store...

Hegel: Only through the synthesis of the dialectical chicken and road could the spirit transcend the experience of crossing.

Robert Heinlein: Because with the freedom the chicken was given, it was the chicken's responsibility to do so.

Robert Heinlein (again): The more widely dispersed chickens are throughout the Universe, the better the long-term prospects for the survival of the chicken species.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Doug Hofstadter: To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.

Sherlock Holmes: It crossed the road because it was going to catch a train at Victoria Station at 3:15, to Edinburgh. And how did I know that? Observe, Watson, the patina of dust on the chicken's feathers, which indicates that it had been spending time in a library, reading about Scotland. And observe also that it was humming "Bonnie Lassie" as it waited to cross. Finally, and most important, observe the train ticket marked Edinburgh, stuffed under one wing, and the fact that Victoria station was where the chicken crossed the street, and finally that the only train to Edinburgh this afternoon is the 3:15....

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

Dr. Jack Van Impe: Well you see, here's the really exciting part, if we were to look at Revelation 17:3 we will see that the Whore of Babylon rides on a scarlet beast. A scarlet beast! What this means is a Rhode Island Red. And the truly glorious thing is that this beast, this Rhode Island Red, this CHICKEN has crossed the road EXACTLY as was prophesized in the Bible and this is all a sign, Revelation 17:3, that we're living in the End Time. Hallelujah! And if you would like more information on the significance of this chicken crossing the road as all part of God's great plan then send me $50 and you will recieve this set of video tapes along with a copy of my recent book "Chickens: fowl beast, or foul beast?".

John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gesalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Franz Kafka: Dieter, now in the form of a chicken, was running from the government's torture machine. The machine, an instrument of death, slowly obliterated the souls of its victims. Dieter was alone. He was running for his life, his insignificant life.

Immanuel Kant: The pure transcendental concept of the road, having been deduced a priori and without dependence on intuitions, is given in the mode of the chicken as an end in itself, while crossing the road as a hypothetical imperative, namely, as acting towards some end allowed by Reason.

Casey Kasem: And now here's a hot new number from a hot young band whose drummer was so tragically killed in a freeway accident, it's The Hen House Flock singing "When You Gonna Crow?" hitting the charts at number 23!

JFK: The chicken chose to cross the road in this decade not because it was easy, but because it was hard.

Obi Wan Kenobi: To follow old obi wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade.

Jack Kerouac: The chicken hipster, high on tea and the soul groves of Charlie (the bird) Parker, strolled aimlessly on the road looking for his dharma.

Soren Kierkegaard: The chicken is dead. The road is nothing.

Colonel Kilgore: "I love the smell of chickens in the morning"

Martin Luther King: It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Ralph Klein: Because we gave it a one-way bus ticket to B.C.

Mark Knophler: How come Chickens got Industrial Disease?

Mark Lane: There is new, irrefutable evidence that the chicken did not act alone.

Gary Larson: Don't ask me. I am retired. Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

John Le Carre: Because it knew, at the core of its being where none could ever reach, that its only course of action now that its cover was blown wide open was to try and slip away into the grey, foggy, bleak evening before Smiley came, accompanied by his silent shadow Peter Guillam, asking questions for which there could never be answers.

Dr. Hannibal Lector: So I could eat its liver, with some fava beans and a nice chianti .......thththththththth.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.

Foghorn Leghorn: To get to that damn Dawg, Boah!

Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

Vladimir Lenin: It is not the chicken's road. It is the PEOPLE'S road!

David Letterman: And the No. 1 reason - fricasee!

Rush Limbaugh: Beacuse of those damn bleeding heart liberals, trying to save one stupid bird while thousands of jobs are being lost. Dave Lister: Because of the smegging space corps directives.

Any Late Evening News Anchor: The chicken crosses the road. Film at 11:00.

Abraham Lincoln: Fourscore and seven eggs ago, our forefeathers...

Logan (Law and Order): To buy a plaid tie

Jack London: To answer the call of the wild.

H.P. Lovecraft: To futilely attempt escape from the dark powers which even then pursued it, hungering after the stuff of its soul!

George Lucas: Because the Force was with it.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Marvin (the paranoid android): "Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and you ask me why the chicken crossed the road? I could tell you, but I really don't think it's worth while."

Marvin the Paranoid Android: Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and what do they ask me? Why did the chicken cross the road? As if their pathetic cerebelums could even comprehend my answer. Chickens, don't talk to me about chickens... they're SO depressing.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Karl Marx (again): To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Groucho Marx (again): This morning I shot a chicken in my pyjamas -- and lemme tell ya, that chicken ran out of my pyjamas in a second!

Jackie Mason: Whaddaya want, it should just stand there?

Perry Mason: Cross the road you say? But how can you be sure? No one else would have known the chicken crossed the road except for the real killer!

Dr. McCoy: How should I know? Damnit Jim, I'm a Doctor not an ornithologist!

Marshall McLuhan: The Road is the Medium. The chicken is the Message!

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

A.A. Milne: I imagine that if I thought very hard I shouold come up with a reason. (also applicable to Winnie the Pooh)

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Indigo Montoya: It too pursues a man with six fingers on his left hand.

Michael Moriarity: To annoy Janet Reno.

Jim Morrison: To break on thruough to the other side, I am the chicken king

Ralph Nader: A chicken on a road is unsafe at any speed

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Col. Oliver North: I do not recall any such events. I had no knowledge of these occurrences.

Peter Norton: It was a virus and it saw me coming...

Richard Nixon: That part of our conversation was accidentally erased.

George Orwell: Because Big Brother was watching to make sure that it did cross the road, although in its heart, the chicken never did.

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!

Emporer Palpatine: Foolish chicken! Only now, at the end, do you see the head-lights!

Dorothy Parker: Travel, trouble, music, art / A kiss, a frock, a rhyme / The chicken never said they fed its heart / But still they pass its time.

Patsy: Oh, F*&% the chicken. Run it over and lets have a drink.

Gen. George S. Patton: To get those yellow bellied chickens outta here.

General George S. Patton (again): The way to win a war is not to cross a road for you country. The way to win a war is to make some OTHER poor chicken cross a road for HIS COUNTRY!

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Frank Perdue: How the heck do I know? Do I look like a chicken to you -- don't answer that.

Marlin Perkins, on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom: Watch, as the chicken mauls Jim yet again...

H. Ross Perot: I'm crossing. I'm not crossing....

H. Ross Perot2: Crossing the road is that chickens primary concern! PRIMARY concern!

H. Ross Perot3: Chickens and roads, I'll tell ya what it means! It means 4 trillion dollars of dafficit, it means the end of our infrastructure, it means... look at this chart!

H. Ross Perot4: Let me tell ya, it's all about NAFTA. This chicken represents your job, and this road represents the Mexican border...

Jean-Luc Picard: To see what's out there.

Jean-Luc Picard (again): Because it's shields were down and it had no other options left...

Piglet: Because ch-ch-chickens are such very s-s-s-small animals.

Plato: For the greater good.

Edgar Allan Poe: Quoth the chicken,"Nevermore!"

Emily Post: When a chicken is confronted with a road, it is only proper for the chicken to stand erect, turn to face the road, look both ways and cross... remembering to send a sincere thank you letter within one month of the event.

Elvis Presley: You aint nothin' but a chicken, crossin' all the roads!

Psalms: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no road!

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What Road?

Monty Python: For Something Completely Different

Dan Quayle: "chicken" C-H-I-K-E-N "chicken"

The Red Queen: Who cares? Off with it's head!

R2D2: beep bleep be deep birp whirrrrrrrrr!

The White Rabbit: It was late!

Ayn Rand: The chicken crossed the road in order to get away from the flock that is stifling his creativity.

Ayn Rand (again): If not for the intransigently independent vision of that first chicken, none of the other chickens would have been able to cross the road. And they condemned him for his acheivement!

Ronald Reagan: I don't recall. What was the question?

Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

Pat Riley: The chicken crossed the lane in less than 3 seconds, so a "fowl" should not have been called.

Rimmer: Aliens!!!

General Jack D. Ripper: To maintain the purity of its precious bodily fluids.

Geraldo Rivera: Stay tuned as a panel of chickens reveals the shocking truth.

Tom Robbins: Well you see, that chicken was a special chicken who was a descendent of a parrot family that once built pyramids for tourist pharohs. This chicken liked the other side of the road whose shamanic whispers beckoned Anastasia, the parrot, like the popped cherry of a ritually consumated white wedding. That's the meaning of it all, baby!

Oral Roberts: He couldn't raise the $10,000,000.00 so God called him home.

Oral Roberts (again): And I said to the chicken: "Put your claw on the screen! Put your claw on the screen, upon the hand of Brother Oral, and you shall be healed. Make a love offering of $50 or more, and then touch the screen. And that chicken did put his claw on the screen. And the power of God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, flowed through me and out through that television set, and that chicken was healed *PRAISE GOD!*. And then that chicken, stricken for so many months, rose up and walked across the road. But, since he had forgotten his love offering, God never warned him about the 30 ton semi barreling down on the crosswalk...."

Carl Sagan: To see the billions and billions of stars.

Col. Saunders: It Ran, Suh! I offered it a coating of 11 herbs and spices and it ran, Suh! So I shot it, Suh, shot it while it was trying to escape, suh!

Sappho: For the touch of your skin, the sweetness of your lips..

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: It was going back...

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain, wi' no dilithium crystals left to speak of!

Agent Scully: There simply must be a rational, scientific explanation. Chickens don't just "cross roads"

Neddy Seagoon: WhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatWHAT?

William Shakespeare:

1: This is the road of chicken's discontent, Made ignoble abbatoir by this half-ton truck... (Richard II)

2: Bring me no more reports, let them fly all; 'Til a chicken remove to other side of road I cannot taint with fear. What is this chicken? Was he not born of hen? The spirits that know All fowl consequences have pronounced me thus: "Fear not, MacNugget; no chicken that's born of hen Shall e'er lay beak upon thee." (Macbeth)

3: If it were done, when 'tis done, then 'twere well It were done quickly: if the crossing Could scoot across the dotted line, and catch, Beyond passing car, sidewalk; that but these feathers Might be the be-all and end-all here, But here, at this corner of street and avenue, We'd cross at the light to come. (Macbeth)

4: To cross, or not to cross? That is the question, Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The wheels and axles of the city's mass transit Or to take flight against a sea of motorists And by opposing, end me? To cross, to peep No more! And by that peep to say we end The chickhood and the thousand fender-shocks That chicken is heir to. 'Tis a perambulation Devoutly to be wish'd. (Hamlet)

Homer Simpson: ohhhhhhhh Chicken.....

Bart Simpson: It's outta here, man!

Mrs. Slocum: Now look what you've done, there's chicken all over my pussy!

Kenneth Starr: In view of President Clinton's dealings with the Tyson Poultry Company, the matter of the chicken crossing the road is under investigation for its possible connection with the Whitewater affair.

George Steinbrenner: Because I offered him a $4 million contract.

George Steinbrenner2: Because I fired him!

George Steinbrenner3: Because he's now my new manager.

George Steinbrenner4: Because I fired him again!

Dr. Suess: See the end of this document for the full Dr. Suess version.

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Mr. Spock: It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have frequently observed that the behaviour of chickens is not logical

E.E. (Doc) Smith: Your humble narrator can barely do justice to this climactic event that rent asunder the fundamental ether of space itself, as the chicken, embodying all that is good and hard and straight and keen in the Avain world, fearlessly approached, bridged, and conquered the road for Civilization.

Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Joseph Stalin: It was clearly a conspiracy. Take all the chickens out and shoot them. At Once!

John Steinbeck: The road baked in the relentless summer sun as the chicken, looking about, began to cross. It stopped occaisionally to peck at a grass seed that had become lodged in a crevice in the cracked macadam. The chicken reached the other side, then began making his way to the Salinas, which lay muddy and turgid in the July afternoon, all the while thinking of the cool shade by the river and how good the can of beans in his bedroll would taste tonight.

Ben Stone (Law and Order): Because the defendant made it, sir.

Oliver Stone: He went back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the..

Dr. Strangelove: Because it could not afford to be caught on the wrong side of the road-side gap.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Fear will keep the chickens in line, fear of this thoroughfare!

Tim "The Toolman" Taylor: This here bird'll cross that road in no time flat, now that I've made a few "special modifications! We've added the Binford 7100 Multi-Purpose power unit, which I've souped up by adding a United Aircraft PT-6 jet engine - Urrgh urrgh urrgh! Heidi, bring out the chicken, please....

Alfred, Lord Tennyson: So that it could sail beyond the sunset.

Old Testament: And rooster and hen were married. And rooster did begat chicken. And chicken did cross the road.

New Testament: He among you who has not crossed roads, let him cast the first egg!

Margaret Thatcher: There was simply no alternative!

Theodoric of York, the Medievil Barber: Because of an imbalance of bodily humors caused by an elf or small toad living in the chicken's stomach. What this fowl needs is a good bleeding. Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.

Hunter S. Thompson: Why the &*%$#@ not?

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Tiggr: Because that's what chickens do best!

Tiggr: (again) That's the wonderful thing about Chickens, Chasing Chickens is FUN FUN FUN, And the Wonderful thing about Chickens Is that when crossing streets they RUN!

Tim, the Enchanter: It's got wings that... and a beak that... good god man, look at the bones!

Brian Tobin (new premier of Newfoundland): It followed the cod....

J.R.R. Tolkein: The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow- white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which count- less tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Anthony Trollope: Why, to avoid Mrs. Proudy and Mr. Slope, of course.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Darth Vader: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

George Washington: I cannot tell a lie. I was going to chop it with my little axe, so it crossed the road.

Mae West: 'Cause I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Jerry White: Why does a chicken cross the road only half-way? So she can lay it on the line.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

Robert Anton Wilson: Because agents of the Ancient Illuminated Roosters of Cooperia were controlling it with their Orbital Mind-Control Lasers as part of their master plan to take over the world's egg production.

Major Charles Emerson Winchester, the Third: What do you two-bit quacks know about chickens? Did you learn about them in medical school, or did you just read the comic book?

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Wittgenstein #2: There are indeed things that cannot be put into words. They make themselves manifest. They are what is mystical.

Wittgenstein #3: What we cannot explain we must pass over in silence.

Tom Wolfe: Kesey, muscles rippling under his shirt, a mysterious smile on his face, surrounded by the Merry Pranksters, placed the chicken at the road's edge. The chicken paused at the edge of the road, looking this way and that, and then rending the air with a tremendous, "ba-BAAWWWWKKK!" bolted across the road, its disheveled wings flapping uselessly about, leaving a trail of feathers and dander that, whenever two-ton chromium steel, 300 horsepower tail-finned symbols of Detroit's and America's supremacy passed, would swirl in a miniature version of a cyclone like the ones Mr. and Mrs. America see on the TV news every evening when he's come home from work and she's setting the table for dinner, both only half paying attention to the cyclones that devastate midwestern cow towns on sweltering summer afternoons. And the heat, dander, tornados, asphalt, tail-fins and the sweat of Mr. and Mrs. America as they move mechanically in their daily routine like the figurines in one of those huge medieval clocks on some cathedral in some European town, moving in the same way, every hour on the hour, it was all summed up by the "ba-BAAWWWWKKK!" of a scampering chicken accompanied by the "skritch, skritch" of its feet.

William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.

Mr. Worf: I do not know, Klingon chickens do NOT cross the road.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Yoda: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great

Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

STAR TREK CHICKENS CROSS THE ROAD TOO

Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.

Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But--if you can catch it, I can cook it.

Riker: I don't know why, but I do know how: with pleasure, sir.

Garak: To get to the other side? Of course not! Do you realize how ridiculous that is? I'm sure it was a simple matter of its farmer expelling it from the coop for...embezzling eggs.

Odo: I don't have the slightest idea--and I don't particularly care...but then, I've never understood you ornithoids' need to engage in such pointless behavior.

Quark: Now really, why would I have bribed him to do it so I could make a tidy profit in the station pool? Besides, all I know is that chicken tastes just like tube grubs.

Q: Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.

O'Brien: Well, it's nothing a good pint or two won't fix.

Uhura: Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?

V'Ger: To join with the Creator.

Sulu: To get back to San Franciso; it was born there.

Troi: It was running...running away from...no, escaping...oh, Captain, it was fleeing from such -pain-!

Kira: I bet those damn Cardassians were after it!

Picard: Dammit, that's not for us to answer! It's his fundamental right as a sentient being to determine the time and manner by which he travels towards his goals!

Dr. Bashir: I suppose it wanted to play some darts.

The Grand Nagus: Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing! (Inconceivable!)

Sisko: I don't care -why- it was crossing the road! All I want to know is -why- it left the coop! So it wanted to "get to the other side"--there is only -so far- that my tolerance will go!

Barclay: Uh, chicken?!! Where?!!! C-c-c-ommander, did I ever mention my problem with small feathered things?

Gul Dukat: Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's satisfaction.

The Borg: Crossing the road is irrelevant. It will be assimilated.

Hugh the Borg: Maybe it wanted to be my friend.

Geordi: Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll be there in an hour or two--but any later, and it'll be absolutely impossible for it to make it.

Jake: To check out the babe that just came off that transport!

Gene Roddenberry: To boldly go where no chicken had gone before.

Kes: It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!

Wesley: I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...

B'Elanna: I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the [BEEP] regulations of [BEEP] Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!

Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.

Spock: Fasincating, Captain, it seems driven by a beam of pure energy.

HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here! I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew! All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!

Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.

Sarek: Sometimes my logic fails me where chickens are concerned.

Dax: To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue,and then there's...

Tuvok: That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes the junior officers nervous.

Dr. Crusher: Maybe since he couldn't make the other side to get to him, -he- had to get to the other side....

Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)

Scotty: Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.

Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...

Kirk: You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you killed...my SON...you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!

Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!

Tasha: That depends...was it fully functional?

Chekov: It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the billionth time..did I scream this time?

Khan: With my last breath I spit at the chicken...

Harry: I don't know, it's my first mission.

Paris: Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.

Harvey Mudd: Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding.

Crewman in red suit: "Captain, this chicken seems to have crossed the AAARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Nurse Chapel: Oh, Spock, I fixed you your favorite Vulcan plomeek and chicken soup!

Lwaxana: Oh, Jean-Luc!

Janeway: Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.

Dr. Suess:

Would you, could you cross the street On your two small chicken feet?

I would not, could not cross the street On my two small chicken feet. Across the road I will not scram Even though a fowl I am.

Would you cross it in Japan To flee Godzilla and Rodan

Not in Japan Godzilla and Rodan I would not, could not cross the street On my two small chicken feet. Across the road I will not scram Even though a fowl I am.

Would you cross the road and cluck And jump to avoid the speeding truck?

Not with a cluck to avoid a truck Not in Japan Godzilla and Rodan I would not, could not cross the street On my two small chicken feet Across the road I will not scram Even though a fowl I am.

Would you hop across the road As though you were a garden toad?

Not across the road as though a toad Not with a cluck to avoid a truck Not in Japan Godzilla and Rodan I would not could not cross the street On my two small chicken feet. Across the road I will not scram Even though a fowl I am.

Would you cross it in the night Lit by passing car headlight?

Not in the night With car headlight Not across the road As though a toad Not with a cluck To avoid a truck Not in Japan Godzilla and Rodan I would not could not cross the street On my two small chicken feet. Across the road I will not scram Even though a fowl I am.

Please dear chicken give it a try For across the road you can not fly.

Alright! Alright! I'll give it a try For it is true, chickens can't fly. Hey! It's not bad, infact it's neat! I truly love to cross the street. Across the road I LOVE to scram. I cross the road, a fowl I am.

#AnimalJokes #ChickenJokes #jokesonfamouspeople

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