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royaltozaki · 1 month

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the blurry line between friendship and something more

bachelorette series - trailer ▸ part 1 ▸ part 3 ▸ part 4 ▸ part 5

synopsis: the second day on this season’s bachelorette involves our first group date, a solo date with last night’s lucky winner, and of course, a rose ceremony to say goodbye to a few more contestants

warnings: cursing, implied sex, children, mentions of absent parenthood

w/c: 5.3k

a/n: my head is so empty but i hope that this is an enjoyable continuation, ty to all the love and all the readers <3 appreciate u all

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you wake up quite early the next day despite the long night. you pass by sana's door that's still closed, safely assuming she would still be asleep. it's also early enough that none of the producers or costume and makeup teams have come by yet to start preparing the two of you for shooting today, and you decide to head downstairs and make yourself a smoothie.

you cringe slightly as you turn the blender on, the loud whirring blasting through the peace and quiet of the early morning, but knowing sana sleeps like the dead, you're not too concerned about waking her up.

once your smoothie is ready, you walk out onto the patio and take in the slight bite of the morning air, reflecting over the events of last night while the sun makes its ascension into the sky.

you had to admit it was a little funny to see the faces of some of the contestants when sana called you out before the rose ceremony and introduced you as her best friend. you took glee in heechul's reaction in particular, horrified at what you may have said about him to sana, sending a wink over to jacky and eunji and a smile at miyeon who had all looked on in surprise as you took your place next to sana.

the rose ceremony droned on a little after that. sana had eliminated people that didn't leave much of an impression on either of you, you didn't remember any of their names. fitting since the night was all about first impressions.

what was surprising however, was who won her first impression rose. wonsik, the terrified guy that looked like he was going to pee himself every time a woman so much as looked in his direction, must have made some sort of lasting impact on sana that hopefully did not involve actual urine. she wasn't specific when you asked her afterwards, just saying that she had enjoyed her conversation with him and that he seemed like a sweet guy.

this entire thing was making you think maybe you knew sana a little less than you thought.

you sigh. an uncomfortable pit has found it's home in the bottom of your stomach ever since the beginning of last night, and it didn't seem like it was going away anytime soon. you dread what was to come.

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the first group date was underway.

sana had picked miyeon, eunji, jacky, jun, dae, and jiwon to participate. all 6 of them had made relatively good impressions with you on the first night, so this made for a good chance to dig a little more and see if you could eliminate any of these contestants.

it was honestly a pretty intense date to start with, diving right into the nitty gritty relationship questions most couples wouldn't even attempt until a few months in.

kids.

you knew sana adored kids and that she was a natural with them. this date involved everyone heading to a childcare and running it for a day.

this meant you could sit off to the side and laugh at the way eunji and dae looked completely out of depth trying to get a naked toddler that was running around on a tantrum back into his clothes.

you were sitting with jiwon since you didn't get to talk much to her on the introduction night, but with her experience as a nurse, she had a way with kids that made them just fall into her lap and completely calm down.

"did you say anything about me to sana?" she was a little awkward sitting with you, in contrast to the confidence she had last night when she had pulled sana away for a conversation during what you liked to refer to in your head as 'the hunger games'.

you feign indifference, "oh you know... only that you were really rude to me when we first met and called me a" you cover the little girl's ears sitting in jiwon's lap, "whore."

she looks at you in horror.

you burst out laughing, "i'm just joking jiwon don't worry. no i didn't say anything in particular which means you must have made a plenty good impression on your own to land on this group date." you offer an apologetic smile as she collects herself, combing her fingers through the little girl's hair lulling her into sleep.

"well thankyou. i'm glad sana has you here." she says honestly, placing the girl into a cot when she's fallen asleep and tucking her in, "it's pretty daunting to be dating so many people at once. it's good you can set her straight and be an objective presence."

you hum, "you're really good with these kids. is that something you want for yourself in the future?"

"not really to be honest. i grew up with really young siblings and my parents were pretty absent so i guess i got good at taking care of them because i had to. but that's also why i don't really want kids. being a nurse is really tiring and you're on call pretty much 24/7. the overtime is terrible and by the time we finally get off work, all we want is a good night’s sleep before we have to do it all over again. i don't want to have kids if i'm going to be like my parents, if i have them i want to make sure i have the time for them to give them the proper care and love they need."

"i'm sorry you had to go through that." the two of you whip your heads around to find sana there with a gentle smile on her face, carrying a little boy on her hip who looks perfectly snug against her.

jiwon's blushing and shuffling over so sana can join you on the carpeted floor. "there's nothing to apologise for. my experiences have shaped who i am today, it's why i do what i do and why i love it."

"that's admirable. i'm actually someone who really loves kids and would love to have some of my own, but i can definitely see different perspectives." sana's slotting in easily, and you find your jaw clenching at the way she's wrapped an arm around jiwon's and playing with her fingers.

jiwon's fumbling and a blushing mess, "oh! i mean like obviously it depends on my partner! i'd be open to discussing kids with the right person, but yeah like i said, i just want to make sure that the kids get what they need or it can really mess them up."

sana's giggling and you feel completely invisible, quietly excusing yourself to let them talk.

you bite your lip, the pit in your stomach feeling heavier than ever. you want to kick yourself, you have no idea why you're feeling this way, and jiwon seemed like such a sweet person as well, there was no reason at all for you to think she was unsuitable for sana. and yet, watching them touch and laugh and talk together made you feel all sorts of things you weren't ready to delve into yet.

you walk towards miyeon who is trying her best but still looks very much out of her zone.

"hey y/n-" she grimaces as the girl on her shoulder seems to pull on her hair, "bet everyone wants to date me right now huh?"

you laugh, helping get the girl off of her and pushing her towards another group of kids that seemed to be playing some sort of game.

"i'm sure sana appreciates the effort."

she cringes as she pulls something out of her hair and inspecting it before throwing it into the bin with a look of disgust, "eugh. i'm never having kids."

you laugh again, grabbing a comb and offering it to her as she accepts it gratefully.

"so you pulled a fast one on us last night huh?" again, you're struck by the similarities she shares with sana, if sana didn't love kids as much as she did, you'd bet she would be acting exactly like miyeon, screeching and running from the kids afraid of getting dirty or clung onto, kind of like how she would run from birds.

you shove her teasingly as she sends you a light glare, "don't worry. i only had good things to say about you." you smile reassuringly.

"oh i'm sure. i'm perfect anyways i don't know what you could've said that could be bad anyway." she smirks.

you roll your eyes goodheartedly, "actually i think i just found something. better watch your back, next time you pull anything funny i'll just tell sana you can't love anyone more than you love yourself."

she fakes a gasp, exaggeratingly placing a hand over her mouth, "you wouldn't."

"oh i would."

she sighs exasperatedly, "guess i better pack all my mirrors up and head back to file a marriage certificate for miyeon and me."

you spend the rest of the date with miyeon, laughing and joking around, you're appreciative of the distraction she offers and you're glad that she's here. even if you weren't her first priority here, you're glad to have made a friend in her.

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after the group date ends, sana is off for her solo date with wonsik. it's strange being so involved in her dating life all of a sudden. you're used to her telling you about her relationships, the dates she's been on, but now you're directly involved and you're seeing how she acts around the people she's dating. it was a whole different side of her.

that night, there's another rose ceremony. you're with all the contestants again, mingling and talking while waiting for sana and wonsik to make the grand appearance after coming back from their date. you'd overheard from the producers they were going on a helicopter ride and having a forest picnic, all very extravagant and fantastical.

so it's not too much of a surprise when everyone rushes towards the loud engine sounds and rotating helicopter wings yelling and full of excitement.

wonsik steps out first and he turns and extends a hand for sana to take.

she steps out in a stunning satin pale green dress that clings close to her curves and accentuates her shoulders and collarbone and the jewelry hanging around her neck. she's all smiles and holding wonsik's hand as she walks towards all of you.

you down your drink, finding relief in the way the alcohol burns down your throat.

let the hunger games begin.

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sana has been neglecting you today. that's what you're thinking as you down your eighth drink of the night. you're fine though, completely, perfectly, fine fine fine.

jacky's calling for another round of shots and you cheer with everyone as you all down it. you think sana's off with dae or someone but you lost track after the fifth drink.

"miyeon!!" you're grinning as you sling an arm around your new friend.

"woaaah y/n how much have you had to drink?"

"like eight but i can hold my alcohol good trust." you place your hand on your heart in mock salute.

"uh huhhhhhh c'mon let's get you some water."

"no! no water, only more alcohol! c'mon do a shot with me!" you're pouting and stamping your foot like a little kid, trying to drag her back towards the guys who are whooping and calling for another round.

"nuh uhhhh." her firm is strong around your waist as she drags you away towards a semi-secluded alcove and sits you down on the cushioned bench.

"who woulda known you'd be this kinda drunk y/n. sana must have her hands full with you." she's teasing as she gets you to drink a full glass of water, making sure you've drunk the whole cup before putting it away and sitting next to you.

you're pouting, "sana has her hands full with all of YOU actually. she doesn't have time for me here. i don't even know why she brought me here. i haven't done anything except watch her get it on with like every single person here." you hiccup, slurring as you're talking.

miyeon's frowning, a hand at your back, rubbing circles in a comforting pattern, "i'm sure that's not true y/n. you're her best friend, she just has a lot going on right now. imagine dating 24 people at the same time, anyone would have a hard time even remembering all of those names."

"yeah but my point still stands! there was literally no reason to bring me on here! she literally just did it to make me suffer i swear."

miyeon's surprised, "why are you suffering?"

you bury your head in your hands, groaning, "ughhhhhhhh i don't knowwwwwwwww. i just feel so icky whenever i see her while we're filming. like am i just being an attention whore or am i like like friend jealous? it's just so weird seeing her talking to people with like, the intention to be with them."

"well do you have this problem outside of filming? like in your real lives, do you get friend jealous easily?"

you look at miyeon dumbly, "no because sana's always going to come back to me."

she sucks in a breath and you can't tell what the expression on her face means, "what's different now then? are you worried she's not going to come back to you?" she's gentle and soft and you feel so comfortable with her, so easily able to open up to her despite only knowing each other for two days. reality television really does make everything go so much faster.

"no it's not that. she's not the type of person to just leave her friendships behind after she gets into a relationship. she cares too much about people to do that." you lean your head onto her shoulder, sighing in defeat.

"you know what it sounds like to me?"

"hmm?"

"have you ever thought that maybe you l-"

before she can finish the sentence, everyone is being called back into the house for the rose ceremony. tonight, 3 more people were going to be eliminated leaving 16 contestants. you hadn't even noticed that sana had come back from her talks with the other participants, when you spot her, she's looking at you strangely, you've never seen that look on her face before and you're a little scared at what it could mean. you hadn't done anything to upset her had you?

miyeon sighs next to you, "c'mon." she stretches a hand out to you, and you take it gratefully, walking back hand in hand, forgetting what miyeon was saying while thinking about what that look sana was wearing meant.

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you take your place next to sana, a little shakily as your vision blurs and you giggle a little. sana sends you a sharp glare as a hand shoots out to support your back and helping you right yourself. you mutter a quick sorry and stare down at your heels, remembering you're being filmed and most of the country will see this tomorrow.

sana starts reading out the names of the contestants that will continue to stay and you're checking off names slowly in your head. some people you still haven't really gotten to know too well yet, but you were getting a little better with names as you recognise most of the ones being called out.

you cringe when jihyo's name is called out and she saunters out with a bright smile, kissing sana on the cheek before receiving her rose. you smile for jacky, eunji, and jiwon, and it's not really a surprise that wonsik already got a rose on his date with sana.

slowly the roses wittle down, and then there's only one left.

hold on.

you look up to assess the remaining contestants.

miyeon.

you meet her gaze and she smiles at you encouragingly, always the optimist.

there's no way sana wasn't going to pick miyeon for the last rose right? they had hit it off so well on the first night and miyeon was picked for the group date today as well. as far as you know they still had good banter going on at the date and her talk with sana tonight seemed to go off without any hiccups as well.

yeah there was nothing to worry about. sana would pick miyeon.

"heechul."

the next few moments go in slow motion for you. you're dumbfounded as you watch heechul step forward with a sleazy smirk on his face, stalking forward with misjudged confidence. behind him, miyeon has kept her smile on her face but you can see the slight fall in her eyes.

"heechul, will you accept this-"

before you can think, before sana can finish the sentence, you're stepping forward and knocking the flower out of her hand.

everyone looks at you in shock and there's a stunned silence that fills the room for 2 seconds before Heechul interrupts.

"ahaha I will Sana thankyou-"

"No!"

He looks over at you with a smoulder on his face, an eye twitching as he tries to compose himself in front of the cameras.

Sana's snapped out of her shock now as well and turns to you, quite clearly angry with the scene you're making.

"outside. now."

she doesn't give you another second and turns on her heel. you gulp, you'd rarely seen sana angry, she was always the happy-go-lucky sunshine girl, and never was that anger ever directed at you.

"what the fuck was that?" after you'd scrambled after her.

you're still dumbfounded, "w-what? what do you mean what was that? i should be asking you that!? how could you pick heechul over miyeon?!"

her expression grows cold, "that's not your choice to make. much less on national television."

"and that's not an answer! i don't understand sana! you got along so well with miyeon and i told you what an ass heechul was! i don't- i can't- it doesn't make sense!"

"it doesn't have to make sense to you. love doesn't make sense. i need you to stop butting into my decisions. i chose heechul and that's that. miyeon is going home tonight."

"you asked me to help with your decisions! you asked me to be here! and i don't see the point of that if you're just going to ignore everything i say and do what you want. i may as well just go home if you're going to be like this the rest of the season!"

sana's face softens and she almost looks... ashamed?

"i'm sorry. please don't go home. i do need you here. i promise i'll take your suggestions in after tonight... just not on this. please don't argue with me."

you've started to pace in frustration in front of her, "but i don't understand! why? why would you ruin this poor girl's chance with you when she's clearly infatuated already and-"

"she's not! can't you see?! she likes you!"

you pause. what?

sana's blushing and clearing her throat, "anyway, if she's not here for the right reasons then she shouldn't be here anyway. so i'm sending her home."

you burst then, "what?! sana what the fuck?!"

she bristles, "don't what the fuck me! you didn't see the way she talked to you at the group date today! and then just then, her arm around you like you're her girlfriend," she spits the word out, "rubbing you're back and looking at you like that! you'd have to be blind not to see that she has feelings for you!"

"my eyes are right here sana." you point aggressively at your own eyes, "and i can see just fine thank you very much. miyeon was keeping me company at the childcare because my best friend didn't have time for me and left me to fend for my own with all these strangers! and miyeon was helping me again tonight because i was out of my mind drunk! i felt like shit and she was being a good friend while you were off god knows where making out with every other person in here!"

"they're strangers to me too you know?! at least i'm making the effort to get to know them when you barely even know half their names! and that's like half your job here too isn't it? and i'm sorry that i have to talk to everyone here because if you didn't know, we're filming a show and i'm the main attraction so i'm sorry that i actually have to go around and date people because that's the whole point of this fucking show!"

you're both breathing heavily, emotions running high.

a producer finally gains the courage to interrupt the two of you, looking like she wants to be anywhere else, she gingerly comes up and taps sana's shoulder. "i'm sorry guys but we have to get back to filming. the contestants are getting antsy and we need to reshoot that last rose because-" she glances at you with pity, "um yeah. so if we could get back that would be really great..."

sana's tense when she speaks up, "alright. i'll be in in a second."

the producer doesn't look convinced but nods quickly and rushes away again.

sana sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose, "go home. you're drunk. i'll get one of the staff members to drive you."

you're about to protest when she interrupts, "you're drunk y/n. and definitely not television ready. go home." she says with finality and turns around, leaving you outside.

you're seething in the aftermath, adrenaline running high and blood pumping. you push off the staff that sana's sent, instead, walking around the side of the house and towards the front where the limos waiting to take the eliminated contestants home would be waiting.

you're still replaying the argument in your head when the eliminated participants finally exit the house. you spot miyeon immediately, her head still held high, and you feel another flush of anger at the fact that she was eliminated.

when she sees you she offers a slight smile, "hey y/n. funny we're meeting like this again. last time we were in this same limo coming to this place all hopes and dreams right?"

you sigh at her positivity, not holding back when you pull her into a hug and squeezing.

"i'm sorry you had to leave like this. i know how you felt about sana. i'm sorry she couldnt reciprocate that."

her arms come up around you as well, and you feel her release a heavy sigh, a little bit of her mask cracking.

"i appreciate that. i hope you take care of her y/n."

you bite your lip, trying not to think of the fight the two of you just had, nodding anyway to reassure her.

"although i know you will. knowing how you feel about her..."

you pull away this time, looking at her in confusion, "what do you mean by that?"

she smiles at you sadly, "you might not realise it yet. but when you do it'll all make sense. i just hope it won't be too late then."

"what- miyeon-"

she's leaving and getting into the car, slipping something into your hand.

"take care y/n. it was nice knowing you even though it was for a short amount of time. i'm glad we became friends. thank you for being there for me during this." she smiles and closes the door, and you can only look after her as her car pulls away.

you look at what she's slipped into your hand.

a small piece of paper with a line of numbers written in neat cursive.

you clutch it a little tighter, grateful for her extension of friendship even beyond all of this, in the form of her number.

you turn to the poor staff member who's been awkwardly hovering behind you and gesture that you can go now. he sighs in relief and leads you towards another car to take you home.

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sleep doesn't come easy. you're tossing and turning. you had heard sana come home and go straight to her room not long ago. you sigh, feeling conflicted. on one hand, you felt guilty that you had almost made a public embarrassment out of yourself and of sana, it was lucky the show wasn't aired live. but on the other, you were still confused how she could think miyeon had feelings for you of all people. it was so obvious to you that miyeon only had eyes for her. she had said it herself on the first night, that she wouldn't be guilty of any cross dating within the participant pool and that she was only set on sana.

a strike of lightning interrupts your thoughts, followed by the booming sounds of thunder.

you sigh, turning again in your sleep, pulling the comforter up higher, trying to find sleep.

then the second thunder crack shakes through the house and you jump up. sana.

you're out the door in seconds, hand resting on the door handle to sana's room. you hesitate. did she even what you there? you knew she was deathly afraid of thunder and lightning. back home you would always crawl into bed with her, shooshing and talking with her, distracting her until the storm passed and she could fall asleep. but you were afraid things were different now after your fight. you had never fought before, and things were so different with the entire show going on.

a third thunder clap sounds out and you hear a light yelp from the other side of the door and your decision's made. you push through quickly, shutting the door softly behind you as you inch closer to her bed. you cautiously lift a leg onto the comforter, careful not to startle her, and make your way under the blanket where she's shivering and crying, curled up in a ball with her hands over her ears.

you curl up behind her, sliding your arms over her midriff and resting your head against her neck, breathing in the scent of her hair. you feel her hands come down to yours immediately, clutching on tightly. she's still whimpering softly and crying but you squeeze against her even tighter, whispering i'm heres and you're okays.

slowly, you feel her breathing even out, she still flinches with every thunderclap, but she's not so tense anymore, uncurling herself but not letting go of your hands.

you're tracing patterns onto her palms, hoping to relax and distract her.

"thankyou." her voice is croaky and quiet.

you hum, nuzzling your nose against the back of her neck, "of course sana. you're my best friend. i'm always going to be here for you."

you feel her tense up again.

you don't want her to push you away so you interlock your fingers, holding her hands firmly in yours, not letting her break away.

"i'm sorry for overreacting tonight. you're right. this is your show and i'm just meant to be here to provide advice, and you can choose whether or not to take that on. but the decisions in the end are yours to make. and i'm sorry i disrespected that."

she sighs, turning in your arms, your heart flips a little at the proximity, but you busy yourself with wiping at her eyes, clearing away the wet tear tracks.

"i'm sorry too. i- i don't really know what came over me. maybe i was just a little scared you'd replace me. you told me on the first night that miyeon reminded you a lot of me. and then seeing the two of you get along so well, and her being able to be there for you when i wasn't, i felt a little angry with myself i think."

"i could never replace you sana. but i need you to understand that miyeon didn't have feelings for me. and i know i need to learn to be a little less clingy and needy, you're carrying a lot right now and you don't need to babysit another person on top of all that. so don't be angry with yourself for that, you've always been there for me in the past whenever i've needed you. and i know you'll always be there for me in the future too."

she frowns, "but not tonight. i wasn't there for you tonight." she brushes your cheek gently, "are you okay? why did you drink so much? that's not normally like you."

you sigh, placing your forehead against hers and closing your eyes, reveling in the closeness and familiar comfort sana offered.

"i don't really know. miyeon was saying something but she never got to finish her thought."

you know sana frowns again at the mention of miyeon because you feel her forehead wrinkling a little. you chuckle, "stop that." you poke her side and she wriggles away from you, pouting.

you hum, "it's hard to explain sana. it's like- like i can see everything now y'know? like i'm there when you're flirting with others, i'm there when you're in the process of getting to know someone and dating someone and it's different because that's not a real experience. like in the real world, i'm not going on group dates with your 6 other romantic interests, i just get the brief summary from you after you've finished the date. and i don't know- i- this is a hard word to use but i think i get jealous? but like- ugh i don't know it's all just so confusing and-"

you blink. a soft warmth is pressing against your lips. then as soon as it came it's gone.

your eyes are wide as you look into sana's equally widening eyes.

"oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't-"

and then you're pressing your lips against hers again. it's addicting. her lips are soft, and fit perfectly against yours, and this feels nothing like all of the kisses you've shared with your various exes. she's returning the kiss, moulding against you, a hand coming up to rest on your neck as you feel her fingers slide into your hair. your fingers come to rest naturally at her waist, which you find is just skin because her top has ridden up a little and she gasps at the cold feeling of your hands on her body.

you take the opportunity and lick into her, earning your first moan that shoots a line of energy straight to your core.

you're on top of her now, and it's your turn to moan into her when you feel a leg lift and press right against where you need her most. you're nipping down her neck, laying soft kisses and licks and she's panting under you, both of your minds hazy with lust and want.

she speaks up first though, "w-wait y/n-"

you hum against her pulse point as you suck on it, biting softly, relishing the moan it rips out of her.

"should we really- ah- be doing this?"

you pause, lifting off her a little, the sight of her panting and out of breath, lips swollen from kissing, hair messy, and a slightly darkening spot at her neck, all of it going straight to your core, as you grind down a little on her leg.

"fuck- i want to. i want you if you want to."

you're back at her neck, licking and sucking a path up to her ear, taking in an earlobe and nipping lightly.

she jolts up into you and you both moan at the slight friction it provides. she's closing her eyes, "oh fuck it- ye-s yes god- yes i need you y/n please."

and that's all it takes for you to reattach your lips, the storm, the show, everything else completely forgotten, just the two of you in this moment. you could deal with everything else tomorrow.

#sana #minatozaki sana #twice sana #sana x reader #twice x reader #sana imagines #twice imagines #sana x f!reader #sana x fem!reader #royaltozaki

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starrystella85 · 20 days

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Home Sweet Home Au (image and Au by: @MissMio)

Since the day you left that hell scape of a toy factory known as Playtime Co. you may have brought some stowaways with you, specifically Dogday, Catnap, Kissy, Huggy, Poppy, you get the idea. The human toy experiments that Playtime Co. created from their insane and sadistic imagination, honestly what were they thinking when they did this, anyways you took them home with you to your giant mansion in the woods, that your family owned thanks to not only the money you had made at Playtime Co. while it was still in operation, but because your family owned a huge marketing company that made millions. What was it named? Safe Heaven Toys LLC, funny really that your life revolved around toys.

On the drive home cause you had to make multiple trips during the night so no one would see the monstrosities that were once human in the back of your truck, you pulled into the driveway with the last of the toys, and as soon as you step inside Dogday and Catnap are the first to greet you.

"Welcome home Angel!" The orange stuffed dog said as his tail wagged violently through the air, his tone upbeat and energetic.

"Savior. . .welcome." The purple cat said in a more sleepy tone, but nonetheless excited to see you as his tail snaked it's way around your hips.

"hey guys. . .ugh. . ." You said to them before almost collapsing from the amount of sleep and sustenance you were deprived of, you were lucky that Carnap still had his tail wrapped around your hips to make sure you wouldn't fall face first.

"You need. . .rest now. . .Savior." Catnap stated and honestly you couldn't have agreed more. And so you were brought upstairs to the master bedroom, your room and placed on your king sized bed. As soon as you hit the mattress you pass out immediately, out like a damn light. It would take at least a week before you can recover from all the bullshit that you when through or so the toys thought. Apparently you only need like three days of sleep and a large portion of food, but other than that you were good.

Everyday for the next three days the toys would check on you, making sure that you were alright and well provided for, then just like that you were back on your feet ready to start the day. You've never felt *this* peaceful before, actually you've never felt *this* peaceful a day in your life since you were always moving and on the go, but it felt nice and finally having some company thanks to the living toys you didn't feel as lonely as you originally did before they came into your life.

"Angel how are you feeling now?" Dogday asks you know he's just doing it out of concern for you, he was always a sweet one, possessive? Maybe, but definitely sweet.

"I'm alright Dogday, I've just been doing one to many things that I crashed." You replied back to him, easing his worries, still there's a small glint in his eyes that say otherwise. "I'm being honest Dogday I'm fine." You told him as you began to scratch behind his ears making his foot do the weird moving thing. It was adorable to see and you couldn't help but scratch harder and harder which caused his tail to start thumping against the floor, causing a giggle to come out of your lips. Hearing your soft voice and fits of laughter caused a deep crimson blush to spread across Dogday's face. If he was given the chance he could listen to you all day, cause something about your voice just makes his heart flutter. Unfortunately the moment was short lived cause Catnap having a long ass tail like he does managed to snatch you up and drag you away from the loving pup that was Dogday.

"CATNAP!!! 💢" Yup Dogday was pissed as soon as you were stolen away from him. He tried searching all of the mansion but the mansion was to big and had one too many rooms that Catnap could use to hide, so the poor angry orange puppy gave up, but he swore if he saw that cat again he was going to teach him a lesson about stealing *HIS* angel away from him. Meanwhile Catnap and taken you to the more quiet areas of the house, mainly the ones you didn't have any use for and was just kinda sitting there gathering dust, except for a room that Catnap made to be his nesting spot. The room had a bunch of mattresses, blankets, pillows, and other soft plush-like materials he could find, half of them belonging to you, and the other half you don't know where in gods name he got it from. Probably stole it or something.

"hi Catnap." You said to the large purple cat as he looked at you while holding you within his arms. A faint purr came from his throat as his ears flicked, indicating that he acknowledges you.

"Savior. . ." He says. Ever since you saved him from, what would have been an unfortunate accident if you didn't intervene, was his near death encounter with 1006, and while he knows that he'll always be somewhat loyal to the prototype, he'll mostly be loyal to you just like, if more, the prototype.

#@MissMio #poppy playtime #yandere #Poppy Playtime au #gn reader #SunnyAngel #sleepyangel #fluff

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heartsoji · 1 year

Note

omg hello! since requests are open and all, I want to request kenma, Suna and atsumu and Oikawa with a reader who gets happy over the most childish thinsg

I got a shadow the hedgehog plush backpack from one of my brothers and I was so happy for like a week straight

HQ BOYS WITH AN S/O WHOS LOVES CHILDISH THINGS

a/n: THIS IS LITERALLY ME. i still watch disney movies and kids shows bcs they're just so nostalgic and wonderlicious

warnings: suna's is a little ooc but wtv im in a fluffy duffy mood

suna, atsumu, and oikawa x reader (separate)

S. RINTARO

he finds it so cute

he loves how he can give you something like a plushie or a lollipop and you get all happy and smiley

he just loves it. he loves you!

he's addicted to the way your eyes light up and brighten the room when a funny scene comes on in the kids show you're watching

literally anyone could see the way his eyes soften whenever you get all happy over something childish

he just finds it so stinking adorable

but ofc, he also has to tease you about it

its all in good fun, he loves it so much

you giggled happily and twirled around with the cute little plushie that rin had just given you. it was soft and fluffy and warm and had the cutest ears and just made you so happy.

unbeknownst to you, rin was staring at you lovingly with a tender gaze, wondering to himself how he got someone so cute.

you were the light rin needed. when he got down and dark, you were the light that pulled him back up. and he found the fact that you loved stuff like this SO CUTE

contrary to what he was thinking, he smirked and began to tease you about it. "it makes you that happy? what are you, a baby?"

you beamed. "your baby!"

he cringed slightly, but then let out a loving sigh as he curled an arm around you.

"i guess so."

M. ATSUMU

he loves everything about you, and that includes your love for childish things

whenever you have a cute reaction to something childish, he has to fight the urge to spin you around in a tight hug and pepper your face with kisses and tell you how cute that was

he fails most of the time

he doesn't really think its weird or tease you about it or anything

i firmly believe that atsumu still sleeps with his childhood stuffie, so he thinks its cute that you guys are kinda similar in that aspect

also, hes just a ginormous child, so uh

it was a peaceful sunday afternoon, and you guys were watching bluey together. then, during the magic xylophone episode in the scene where bluey's dad played bluey like a piano and tickled her silly, he paused the show and quickly pounced on you and dug his fingers into your ribs.

"you're MY magic xylophone! ping ping ping! ping ping! pururururuing!" he shouted, kneading and knocking at your ribs

"tsuhuhumu, stahahap!" you giggled trying weakly to fight his hands off

"hmm.. i think that i should get some more practice in, don'tcha think?" he teased, continually prodding at the sensitive area.

"NAHAHA TSUHU- *HIC!*"

you both paused at the little hiccup you gave. it was silent for a moment before atsumu grabbed you and spun you around, laughing as you giggled and "wheee!"'d.

"yer so freakin' cute im gonna die!" he laughed as he peppered your face with kisses.

you giggled as you two settled back down on the couch together, cuddling up with each other and your favorite stuffies.

he sighed contentedly as he leaned his head on you, melting into your warmth as you did the same.

he honestly loved moments where he could be childish without being judged like this with the person he loved most in the world. (he internally apologized to his ma)

O. TOORU

little brat but its ok

he really likes bubbles, as do you

sometimes when its nice out, the two of you will just blow bubbles and just watch in mesmerization

(sometimes in the shower too!)

hes also really into disney

he hid it before, but once he started dating you, one of his favorite at-home date activities is watching disney movies together!

frozen is his fav

he knows all the lyrics to all the frozen songs and sings along everytime

hes your little princess

"LET IT GOOOO" tooru screeched in your ear. "LET IT GOOOOOOO! CAN'T HOLD IT BACK AAAANYMO-O-ORE"

"LET IT GOOOO" you screeched in his ear. "LET IT GO-O-O, TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOOOR"

"I DON'T CARE"

"WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO SAY"

"LET THE STORM RAGE OOOOOOOOON" tooru held the high note, his voice cracking a couple times.

"the cold never bothered me anyway" *hairflip*

you two plopped your butts back down on the couch heavily, tired and out of breath from the karaoke session.

"you did really well, princess" he complimented, voice breathy.

"you... you, too." you replied, "princess."

"HEY" he cried, clinging onto you. "i'm your PRINCE, remember?"

you grinned. "i think princess suits you better."

"y/n-chaaaaaaan!" he whined, shaking you, "you're so mean!"

you couldn't help but laugh at his childish antics, hiding your face slightly with your olaf plushie

"i love you."

you stopped short, giving him a curious look.

"you're the one for me."

you simply smiled in return. "as are you for me."

"Y/N-CHAN LOOK! ITS THE PART WHERE THEY MEET OLAF!!"

"OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT PART"

𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐒, 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃

#see you suun ⭐︎#suna x reader #suna fluff #suna hcs #suna drabble #suna imagines #atsumu x reader #atsumu fluff #atsumu hcs #atsumu drabble #atsumu imagines #oikawa x reader #oikawa fluff #oikawa hcs #oikawa drabble #oikawa imagine #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 5 months

Text

Rose Recaps 2023 - Korea

I started with Japan because this year it gave me everything I could possibly want. Korea gave me some very nice surprises. Let's go.

The one that had me question if watching it was good for my mental health.

The Eighth Sense

Much like what I said about Tokyo in April is... it was not a good decision on my part to watch this one live. I related way too much to Jae Won and I wasn't in a specially good place at the time. However, I love it so much. I have rewatched it since then and it's such an incredible journey.

I think they used the time very efficiently and they didn't try to skip too many steps to make it a happy ending. I would be okay without any redemption for those two but on the plus side the other friends were brilliant.

Favourite Moment

The one that came out of nowhere

Sing My Crush

This show came out all at once and I had no idea it was coming. But I'm so glad it did. There were I think 4 kbls that came out all at once this year. And with the exception of this one, they were all worse because of it. First of all I fell in love with the song instantly and Han Tae immediately after. He's so cute and in love and it takes him way too long to realise it, but his devotion to Ba Ram is unquestionable from the beginning.

Favourite Moment:

The one that was a sequel but not really

Love Class 2

The first couple of episodes I wasn't sure about this one. The first couple of episodes were kinda of confusing, starting with such a dark scene on the roof, and so many different types of relationships to keep track of.

Joo Hyuk was my instant favourite from the beginning. The way he was instantly smitten and committed from the first moment he saw the TA was delightful.

It took me longer to warm up to Min Woo and Maru. But I love their arc. Even the jealousy experiment didn't bother me, Maru needed a push. Much like Lee Hyun said, it was so obvious.

Lee Hyun and Kim An were the last ones to reach me. I think the whole backstory around Kim An muddied the waters a bit and I'm not sure it was necessary to have so much of it, but I did love that when Kim An gave in, he did so with no reservations.

Favourite Moments:

The one that had me considering moving to a farm

Love Tractor

Ok. Not really, But look how pretty. Funny story, I actually rewatched part of this show in an orchard not that much different from the one here. I was on holiday in the countryside and just thought it would be incredibly amusing.

Anyway. I love Ye Chan an unreasonable amount. He's so dramatic and so earnest. And honestly if I ever had to move to a place like this I think I would pretty much have the same reaction as Seon Yul. I just want my peace and quiet.

But I really like their dynamic all throughout and considering the time restraints I thought that the development of Yul's feelings was done quite well.

Favourite Moment:

The other one with Love in the title

Love Mate

There was absolutely no reason for me to like this show has much as I did. Ha Ram should've bothered me. This whole concept should've annoyed me. The whole separation bit should've made me angry. Why didn't it? I have no clue. But I loved it. I've watched it more than once and love it every time.

Favourite Moment

The one with coffee and pottery

Unintentional Love Story

I adore this show. Pick an episode, any episode, I love it. Was it perfect? No. Was the kissing the thing that made it not perfect? Perhaps. I love it nonetheless.

[Confession time. Is there one thing about this show that bothers me no matter how many times I rewatch it? Yes. Is it the kissing? No. Is it something absolutely and stupidly tiny that only I could possibly be that bothered by it? Yes. What is it? " Let me at least do this." It's such a great moment. But why did whoever was in charge of the editing felt the need to show us the scene that we saw 17 minutes before? (it's really 17 minutes and 40 seconds, I checked because I'm nowhere near sane). Did they thing we forgot about it in that time? It lessens the moment and it insults the audience. I hate it an unreasonable amount. ]

There are so many moments in this show that I love. The four mains are amazing, the confession scene by HoTae in the coffee shop floored me, the writing in the sand moment was delightful and the soundtrack is my favourite of the year.

Favourite Moment:

The one that was perfect

Our Dating Sim

What's there to say. There's nothing wrong here. They are delightful, I had a great time with the video game format at the end of the episodes, their chemistry was amazing, and Ki Tae is my favourite boy. Also, my second favourite soundtrack this year.

Favourite Moment

See you next time with Thailand I think.

Thanks for reading💜

#Rose Recaps 2023 #love class 2 #love tractor #love mate #our dating sim #the eighth sense #unintentional love story #sing my crush #rose rambles

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hunterbunter3000 · 1 year

Note

I'm thinking of sweetheart being the mother of task force 141 when laswell isn't there like in the middle of the night when sweetheart is sleeping and just wakes up when she hears the door creaking and looks at the door and sees one of the boys looking like they were crying and they ask if they could cuddle with then because they had a nightmare and sweetheart just coos at them pats the empty spot so they can lay on and sweetheart spoons them making on of the boys feel safe and falls asleep immediately while sweetheart is slowly scratching their head

And then sweetheart falls asleep and when she wakes up of the cod boys are in her room, asleep and she just laughs and gets out of bed and go make some breakfast and coffee or tea for them

Like AHHODHDHEBR like if ghost was the one he would have slight tears in his eyes or konig I know damn well he would be holding a tiger teddy-

Fucking sobbing on the floor for this shit

I AM TOOOOO WTF THIS IS SO ADORABLE 😭😭😭 König holding a tiger teddy that he's had ever since he was a kid is making me ferallLLLLLLAAHHHH

LIKE MY MATERNAL INSTINCTS ARE JUST KICKING INNNNN

And I'm sorry- all I saw was König and tiger stuffy and now this whole thing is just about him AHAHANA

Brown Palace and Grey Oceans

(Help this got so long-- it always starts off funny and then i try to be an actual writer smh YOU'LL SEE WHAT I MEAN)

(I honestly don't know what König looks like... even the wiki lore isn't saying anything so I kinda just made him up myself 😅 like how everyone does LOL)

Süße Torte = Sweet Pie

Cw.: FLUFF FLUFF FLUFFY FLUFF

Word count: long. (IDK HOW TO DO A WORD COUNT)

Yk damn WELL König would open her door as quietly as possible and tip toe to her. He would second guess waking her up cause she looks so damn peaceful sleeping. Her eyelashes laying gently on her soft cheeks, the moonlight shining on her brown skin, making her look ethereal. But he needs comfort right now. The nightmare he had, he can't deal with that by himself.

So he would gently shake Sweetheart's shoulder. And she would SO wake up like a parent would: gasping for air, wide eyed and jerking back. He would step back and apologize. He thinks this was a bad idea but Sweetheart stops him.

Sweetheart, wiping her eyes and sleep in her voice: What's wrong hun?

König, holding his tiger to his side: Uhm... I had a bad... very bad dream.

He breathes in deep, tears welling in his eyes.

König, voice shaking: Can I please sleep with you...?

Sweetheart could hear her heart break. Seeing such a unit of a man be dwindled down to this... (I WANNA HUG HIM)

Her eyebrows knit together, sad that he feels this way. She scoots over and pats her bed. König sniffs, hand rubbing his nose under his home hood. (The brown embroidered hood Sweetheart made him for the base)

He squeezes in there, both of them getting situated in her already small bed. Sweetheart has most of the blanket, but König doesn't care. As long as he's with someone. (Sweetheart specifically)

He turns to her body, face now in her bosom. His eyes go wide, and he looks up at her. She smiles warmly at him. Her eyes go to the little tiger teddy he's holding in his hands. She coos at him.

Sweetheart: How long have you had that?

König feels embarrassed. He kinda forgot he even brought it with him, as it's his comfort companion. (His grandma found it in the attic and sent it to him)

He curses as he hides it behind his back, but Sweetheart grabs his arm. She holds the stuffed tiger, a cute tiny smile and round ears with stripes loosely sewn on the fading base. A big black button for the eye, but the other one is missing, it's just an opening. It's missing a tail, and some tears are on the body. A very old stuffed animal, but Sweetheart can tell it's loved.

Sweetheart: it's so cute... what's the name?

She's not judging him. A grown man, standing at a whopping 6'10, owns an old tiger stuffed animal that he has had ever since he was a child. And she's not judging him. Not laughing in his face and kicking him out. She's asking what his name is, with curiosity in her eyes. How is she real?

König, whispering: ....Hobbes.

Sweetheart: Pardon?

König, speaking a bit louder: His name is-- is Hobbes.

Sweetheart, gasps: Like from Calvin and Hobbes?

König, perks up: You know of those comics?

Sweetheart, giggling: Hell yeah! I used to read them constantly when I was younger. I still have them actually at my home! You could read some if you want when I go back.

König, getting excited and feeling better: I would love that, Süße Torte. Thank you.

Sweetheart, smiling and giving Hobbes back to him: No problem. Are you feeling tired?

He nods his head, about to take off his hood but stops himself. He looks at Sweetheart, eyes asking 'Should I take this off? Will you be uncomfortable?' She looks back him. 'The real question is, will You be uncomfortable if you take it off?'

König thinks on this. He looks back at her brown eyes. Her soft, dark eyes. Eyes that suck him every time he looks at them, entering the smoky quartz palace he would stay in forever. Eyes that always make him feel safe, wrapping him in the darkest color of silk. Eyes that hold many stories and love. Sensual, trustworthy eyes. He can trust her.

König: I trust you.

He takes it off and places it on the floor, face bare and open to the world. He could have sworn Sweetheart's eyes sparkled with actual stars when they got wide. His messy, auburn brown hair is swept back. Thick, soft angeled eyebrows nervously twitch under the hard stare from the woman.

And his eyes, oh, his round, gentle eyes. The ones that light up and shine when she looks at them. The grayish green tint reminded her of clear ocean water, wanting to swim in them forever. Eyes that hold many stories and many secrets. Beautiful eyes. He's beautiful to her.

With his crooked and scarred nose, he has broken many times over the years. Pink downturned lips, curtained over with a thin brown beard on a sharp jaw.

König gulps, eyes still focused on hers. They're staring into each other's color, too far gone to come back to reality. Sweetheart breaks it after what it felt like hours. She starts to laugh quietly, making König confused and a bit self-conscious. She looks back up at him.

Sweetheart, scoffing in disbelief: Who would've thought you were so pretty under those hoods...

He can't breathe.

Sweetheart, still shocked: I mean I never would've guessed. You're... wow.

She places her hand on his sharp cheek. Skin on skin. Warmth. He can feel it. Finally.

Sweetheart: You're really beautiful, Y'know that König?

He can't-- this- it's too much. Overwhelming. Her warm hand, the soft awe look in her eye, her scent, her words, her eyes-- it's too much.

He dips into her neck, hiding his face as his hands wrap around her.

König, beet red: Can we please just- go to sleep? My heart... my heart can't take much more of this.

Sweetheart giggles, wrapping her hands on his head.

Sweetheart: of course.

Her long nails scratch the nape of his neck, almost making König purr. He relaxes into her, molding his body against hers, as they finally give themselves to the night.

König woke up on an empty bed. The sunlight poked at his eyes, telling him to start his day. His hand feels the cozy sheets, where Sweetheart's supposed to be. Sweetheart. Where is she?

He rolls over but falls on the floor with a huge thud and a yelp, and her items shudder from his clumsiness. He grabs his hood as he gets up, stretching his sleepy body. How long was he asleep? It felt like a coma. But nonetheless, he feels extremely well rested, with Sweetheart in his arms and Hobbes-- wait a minute...

Where's Hobbes?

His heart rate picks up as he speeds walk out of her room. Are the others awake? Is she showing them? Making fun of him? No, no please no.

He gets out of his head when he Sweetheart in the living area alone, repairing Hobbes. She hums as she works with a smile, bonnet still on her head, wearing a big sweater and leggings with her legs crossed. She ticks up and sees König.

Sweetheart, waving at him: Good morning, baby! How'd ya sleep?

Baby?

Baby. She called him baby.

König stumbles back a bit. He shakes his head and clears his throat, an overwhelming feeling replacing the over-thinking.

König: yeah. I mean- fine! Good. Wonderful. I slept wonderfully. It was... I needed that. Thank you.

Sweetheart, chuckling: Of course! By the way, there's coffee and some eggs I made you in the kitchen. If you want it.

König, feeling his heart melt: Oh, thank you Süße Torte. I appreciate it.

She nods her head, continuing back to repairing Hobbes with her needle and thread. König relishes this feeling. The feeling of them being the only ones awake, the feeling of having breakfast made, the feeling of enjoying one's presence. It felt right. It felt domesticated. It felt...

Like they were together. In a relationship. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Husband and wife.

He shakes his head, almost spilling the sugar he was pouring for his coffee. He looks back at Sweetheart, still in her own world, being her. Being perfect.

Boyfriend and girlfriend. He scoffs, mixing his coffee. Please, that will never happen.

You're really beautiful, y'know that König?

He stops.

You're... wow.

His heart beating fast yet sinking at the same time. A small sick feeling in his stomach but butterflies in his chest. He collects his eggs and coffee and places it on the table before heading to Sweetheart on the couch. He sits across from her, watching her working hands, nimble and caring to Hobbes' tears. She sees him and smiles, showing her work.

Sweetheart: Look! I'm almost done sewing up his little scars. I also fixed his eye and tightened his ears and limbs! I need to wash and refill him, though.

She went on and on, rambling on what to do for Hobbes. König smiles. He hasn't done that in so long. He takes off his hood and places his hand on her knee. Their eyes meet, hers sparkling again from seeing his face.

König, sincerely smiling: I thank you for all that you have done for me. In just a short time... I feel like I found myself again.

Sweetheart beams. She's so glad she could help him out. Seeing König in that state last night makes her heart feel heavy, but none of that. He's happy. He's relaxed. He's grateful.

Her hand rests on top of his, and he moves his into hers, Sweetheart's now perched atop of his. The sun smiles on their eyes, their different colored crystals gleam bright.

Sweetheart: You're welcome.

They stayed like that, enjoying each other's company until they were sucked in.

Her Brown Palace and His Grey Oceans.

Lil Bonus.!

Sweetheart: Have you noticed that Hobbes doesn't have a tail?

König, snickering: Yes, I know. When I was little, Krueger would fight me over Hobbes. And one day, he pulled on it so hard that he ripped off the tail. I cried for days.

Sweetheart:

Sweetheart, getting up: Imma choke him out.

König: Sweetheart no that was years ago!

Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated! Thank ya for reading ♡🙏

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hey-kae · 2 years

Note

Hi! I absolutely love your works✨✨ and I would like to ask you for an OS angst 😢 where Charles and reader end the relationship because of hate and comments on social media. I don't know whether to end with a happy or sad ending, that's your choice 🥰.

Hate and Love

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x reader

Warnings: the chaos that was japan, slight implication about Charles thinking of Jules’ accident, panic attack, talk of weight and body image, needs more proofreading.

a/n: i don’t think i’m that good with the whole hate trope as i struggle to write it without feeling like it’s turning out cringey, what explains how long this took me to write and i’m still not satisfied with it. But it’s yours to judge now ig…

When you've been swinging a hammer repeatedly over a frail sheet of glass, it's it going to shatter it. There is no way around that fact.

When you keep throwing insults at a human being, you're going to break them.

Whether these things are your intentions or not doesn't change the outcome.

Rarely do we ever see any exceptions for clear and particular reasons. Everything has a reaction or consequence that is to some degree, inescapable.

The crack in the glass made itself loud and clear on the weekend of the Japanese Grand Prix.

Excited about having some time off that would allow you to support Charles on the double header of Singapore and Japan and getting to see such beautiful and unique places, you had decided to accompany him on his two week trip, not wanting to waste any opportunity to spend highly valuable time with him.

The Singapore Grand Prix went okay and by the end of the weekend, the bags were packed and you headed to the airport with Charles.

On the lengthy flight, Charles fell asleep with his head resting on your shoulder, and it honestly didn't matter how long the two of you had been dating, long enough that you had a sparkling ring sitting on your finger, the sight of that and the feel of his soft brown hair tickling your neck and cheek quickly caused your heart to race. If anything, that was just another proof of how much this man meant to you, how much you devotedly loved him.

Wanting to secure the memory in your head and into existence, you fished your phone out of your bag without moving much so you wouldn't disturb him, and you quickly snapped a selfie that showed half your face, mainly focusing at the much cherished sight of your asleep fiance.

The picture was adorable. Charles looked so cozy and at peace.

You were smiling at your phone screen, debating whether or not you should share such a harmless picture with the world.

There lies the conflict.

If any of your social media accounts had been somewhat "normal", you would've posted it without any second thoughts like you'd done with previous boyfriends you had. Sharing occasional pictures of your relationship for your friends and family to see was something that should've felt natural, and it did feel like that in the past.

Then, Charles came along.

He was somewhat of a celebrity.

You knew that since the very first time you hung out with him. If anything, that was the only thing about him that made you reluctant about getting into a relationship with him. People's huge interest in him would inevitably transfer to his partner.

As you had expected, dating Charles reformed your understanding of social media. It was no longer a source of entertainment but a business place, a space for profit and advertising and never in your life have you wanted that to be the way you used social platforms.

Suddenly, everyone was so interested in your everyday life to the point where there was accounts literally dedicated to finding out where you bought each outfit from and while it was funny for a while, you were quick to realize that the whole influencer lifestyle was in no way your cup of tea.

It didn't help that anytime you shared anything that had merely any connection to Charles, your DMs flooded with message requests and your notifications got crowded with replies and comments. One night, out of sheer boredom while Charles snored beside you in bed, you went through some messages. From that point on, there was no return route, and it sure didn't help that the engagement shone a brighter light on your relationship and how serious it was, causing the hate to double.

While some of the messages were overwhelmingly sweet, some were also overwhelmingly cruel and inconsiderate.

You promised yourself that you wouldn't let these things affect you nor the beautiful and genuine connection you had with Charles, that you wouldn't even check the messages and comments again in the first place.

But as the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat.

It turned into a repeated pattern, a compulsion you couldn't get rid of.

Therefore, you continued staring at the picture, you thumb hovering over the share button until Charles startled you.

"Tout va bien, bébé?" Everything's okay, baby?

You locked your phone and let it fall onto your lap before assuring him that everything was okay.

"Oui, cheri. Tout est bien." Yes, darling. Everything is okay. You smiled, wrapping one arm around him and allowing your head to rest on his, your eyes closing as you attempted to push out all the negative things and remarks, redirecting your focus onto the man by your side.

That position didn't hit the minute mark since Charles moved so he was sat a bit more upright and pulled you close to him so your head rested on his chest, his arm around your back while he looked down at you through half opened eyes.

"Tu sais bien que tu peux me dire n'importe quoi, n'est ce pas?" You know that you can tell me anything, right? He reassured, sensing that something about the way you were behaving was not quite right.

"Oui, je sais cela. I promise you, there's nothing worth mentioning." Yeah, i know that... You replied and tilted your head up to press a quick kiss onto his cheek.

With that, he let the subject go, ignoring the instinctive feeling in his chest telling him to make sure that everything was alright but he had no concrete proof that anything was going wrong so he forced himself to push the suspicions to the back of him mind.

That was supposed to be the end of that issue. You promised yourself to actually act normally and not allow stupid comments and remarks to taint your relationship with Charles.

It said a lot that you were engaged to Charles. You literally wanted to marry him, you saw your future with him and at this point, you couldn't really imagine a life without him by your side so you found it unreasonable and just plain idiotic to allow strangers who lived cities and countries away to interfere between him and you.

However, as the weekend processed and pictures of you with Charles popped up on the internet, that last thought seemed to be morphing. All you wanted was an escape, a break from the judgmental critics and the suspicious fans overanalyzing every move and post you made. With every passing hour, you were reminded why you rarely ever showed your relationship with Charles publicly and openly.

People knew you existed and they knew that you and Charles were engaged but when they aren't reminded of that, they tend to ease up a little bit on you. Therefore, it goes without saying that the opposite had been happening during those two weeks.

After qualifying, having watched the session from the pit box since Charles asked you to, you posted a quick shot of him as he was being photographed with Max and Carlos. You hadn't thought the post through, just supporting for your fiancé and wanting to share that openly. But as you laid sleepless in bed, the jet lag getting to you after Charles passed out of exhaustion, you realized that was a mistake.

Your DMs were flooded with messages, some positive and some negative but it seemed like you couldn't bring yourself to focus on the love you were getting, not when the opposing words were so cruel, hitting quite close to home.

People were going on and on about how you were like Charles' shadow. To them, it looked like you wouldn't let him breathe, that you followed him everywhere and limited his freedom.

Apparently, you were insecure about the relationship and you were essentially following him across the planet not to support him, but to supervise his actions, as if you would've agreed to marry a man you didn't trust.

Not only were they speculating about the relationship, the comments about your body were downright disturbing under some of the photos captured when you were spotted around the paddock. There were pictures of you eating and the comments under them were disgusting. Even the compliments were worded so crudely that it made your skin crawl as you read through them.

But what hurt the most is people saying you weren't enough, that you weren't worthy of dating someone like Charles, that you were forcing him to commit, that you were using him for fame when in reality, you hated every bit of unnecessary attention you got through dating him.

Everyone was preaching about the way he could do so much better, posting pictures of his exes and comparing your looks to theirs.

Looking through these messages and comments was overwhelming, even suffocating to a certain extent but for some reason, you couldn't put the phone down.

Does she have to always be there?!

Is it just me or is she gaining weight?

I wish Charles would wake up and see why she's really dating him

It's giving... attention seeker

ngl his ex was prettier and they were a cuter couple

The remarks went on and on and you lost yourself in the masses of words that night, forgetting where you were, forgetting that Charles was asleep right beside you, forgetting how much he loves you and how he always went out of his way to remind you of that. Your thoughts were hypnotized by strangers online and you couldn't think of anything else other than what you were reading, not even the words that made you cry when Charles had said them to you the night he went from being your boyfriend to being your fiancé.

You didn't even realize you were crying but the hot tears dropped onto your pajama pants when you sat up in a hurry, gasping for air.

You couldn't breathe properly, your lungs felt like they were collapsing, your hands were freezing and shaking out of control until the words on the screen of your phone and the pictures of Charles hugging you after qualifying turned into a streaky blur of colors that you couldn't even comprehend.

You needed a quick escape, some fresh air but you felt stranded, in a unfamiliar country where you had no idea about where you could go.

Suddenly, you were too aware of the sheets covering your body and even that felt too heavy to be bearable.

With wobbling legs, you pushed off the covers and stumbled onto your feet, even in this state making sure that Charles was still covered.

Nothing felt alright.

You felt like you were loosing it and instead of considering waking Charles up, you thanked god he was in deep slumber.

Tunnel vision took over, making the room darker and smaller than it already was. Your heart felt heavy in your chest. You could hear the rush of blood in your ears. Your body was tingling like if was going numb. Your throat felt dry and tight. Your tears were streaming out of control. You were was having chills all over as you broke out in a cold sweat. The loud noise from the street by the hotel felt so distant but somehow, the sound of Charles breathing was deafeningly loud.

You felt like you were loosing control.

With absolutely no clue of how you made it out of the bedroom, you burst through the balcony door, longing for a fresh breeze, the chilly night air feeling like it was waking up every nerve in your body.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." you kept mumbling as you allowed yourself to fall into the floor, hugging your knees to your chest as you finally broke into sobs instead of the panicked, silent cries.

You were never confident growing up, always the calm sister, the shy cousin but really, you were insecure. For years, you worked on yourself until you finally got yourself to participate in social settings, to meet new people. Hell, it took years until you stopped reaching for a pillow to put in your lap every time you sat down, until you could walk in public without crossing your arms in front of you, until you found it in yourself to wear anything you wanted, until you could laugh without covering your mouth.

Therefore, it was undeniable that when you were met with such remarks, every past wound was reopened, and to be fair, the energy it took for you to build yourself into a confident woman was one you didn't have at the moment. You couldn't afford to go down that rabbit hole again. Once in your life was already too much.

You looked out onto the bright city lights, one striking thought now torturing your mind.

Charles.

Charles in your life meant curious eyes and endless criticism. There is no way around that unless he hid you from the world for evermore, and you weren't naïve enough to believe that would be possible, not if you wanted to marry him proudly and have your own little family with him.

That's when your heart broke and the sobs got ten times worse while your opposite hand wrapped around the diamond ring on your finger.

The man asleep a few feet away from you was everything you'd ever wished for.

He was the prince charming that you dreamt of finding back when you were a toddler watching princess movies, beaming over happy endings and escaping on a white horse. Charles was the one who satisfied that little girl's dreams during adult days that felt endless and hopeless and so painfully dull.

Middle school you who described the man she'd marry years down the road in excessive details in her diary would be in disbelief to see Charles exceeding all the impossibly high expectations she set, even after she ditched them when she was forced to face the real world.

He was perfect and you loved him beyond words, more than you ever thought was possible and you were just so ready to have it that way until forever and a day, until you grew old with his hand in yours.

Countless times, you imagined your wedding, the days after it, the look on Charles' face. You imagined having kids with him, watching him become a father and being the amazing dad you knew for sure he would be, holding the children you'd have and teaching them how to do anything and everything, maybe even how to race. Every detail that you were so sure would become true at some point had passed through your mind so many times, sending your kids to school, watching them grow up with the love of your life right by your side for it all, sharing every moment, milestone and event with Charles, happy or sad.

You wanted everything with him, the good and the bad.

But then, the image of the teenager you once were, stood timidly in front of the mirror, hating what she saw took over. You remembered when you didn't have the confidence to even present a project in school, when every little critic tore you apart and broke you to pieces.

The future was pushed right out of your mind as you let the past take over, dread washing over you like frozen water as you realized just how easily this situation you were in could drive you back to your old ways.

As the memory of crying your nights away and fearing the days came resurfaced, the face of younger you, so hopeful and full of life flashed in your mind and that was when you realized you couldn't fail her, no matter how flawless your relationship with Charles was, it was still breaking you.

As you came to the realization, the cries became too loud and even from your spot on the balcony, you were afraid to wake Charles up. You clasped your hand over your mouth, muffling the sobs and gasps, your eyes screwing shut as you struggled to catch your breath, the tears falling out of your eyes heavy and uncontrollable.

You couldn't afford waking him up right now, facing his gentle looks and caring words but No matter how quiet you attempted to be, it didn't work.

"Cherie," Charles' worried toned startled you, making you fumble to wipe away the tears, "what is happening?" He asked, crouching down in front of you immediately.

His hair was ruffled and messy. He was barefoot and was messily but warmly dressed for bed. His eyes were hazy with sleep and barely opened while his hands grabbed yours to pull them away from your face.

He was a bit too caring and it made everything hurt so much more.

Through your burning eyes and clouded vision, you glanced up at him adoringly while your heart shattered into a million tiny shards.

"I love you so much, Charlie." You sobbed, reaching over and hugging him as tight as you could.

Instantly, his hands were rubbing up and down your back, trying so desperately to comfort you, but he had no clue what was going on and he was too sleepy not to be confused.

"I love you so much as well." He kissed the top of your head, "mais tu veux me dire qu'est-ce qui se passe, mon amour?" but you wanna tell me what’s happening? He asked with the softest voice, taking advantage of the way your arms were wrapped around his neck to slip his hands under you and carry you back inside to the comfortable bed where he could hold you properly.

Once he had you wrapped in a cozy hug on the mattress, he got you to look at him and his heart plummeted at the sight of your swollen eyes.

"Oh, baby." He cooed, wiping the last of your tears off your cheeks with his thumbs, "What happened?"

You felt like you could crumble under his worried looks, immensely dreading tomorrow as your eyes looked with his.

"I don't know." You attempted to push out a chuckle but Charles knew you too much.

He got you to lay your head on his chest and began brushing his fingers through your hair, thinking about what could be the reason you were crying that hard.

"Honnêtement? Je n'te crois pas. You were crying so hard, bébé..." Honestly? I don’t believe you. You were crying so hard, baby…

The heavy concern lacing his still hoarse voice was too much and you could've lied to him, came up with an excuse for the breakdown you had but you couldn't do that, not to someone you loved so much.

"I just - i don't know, cheri. Je n'veux pas en parler maintenant." I don’t want to talk about it right now. You felt Charles nod. He knew he couldn't force you to talk about something you didn't want to discuss but he wasn't gonna be at ease, not knowing why you were so upset, not able to help you through it.

"D'accord..." Okay. he said, closing his tired eyes, "Demain après la course donc?" Tomorrow after the race then?

"Ouais. Demain." Your heart ached at that. Yeah, tomorrow.

With that last promise to discuss the issue tomorrow, Charles allowed himself to relax for now, hugging you close but making sure he wouldn't be falling asleep before you.

Meanwhile your mind raced with thoughts of your plans. You couldn't help but fear that Charles would think you don't love him anymore after he would find out what you did.

"Charles..." you waited for him to look at you, "Tu sais bien que je ne mens jamais quand je te dis que je t'aimerais jusqu'à mon dernier souffle, n'est-ce pas? Promets-moi de ne jamais oublier cela” You know that i will love you until my last breath, right? Promise me to never forget that.

"Alright, baby... I don't like the sound of that. Why are you saying it like this?" He lifted his head off the pillow to look at you, his hand stilling in your hair as he tried understanding what you meant by that, especially when you were crying minutes ago, when your body was still shaking against his.

"Please tell me what's going on." He asked again, the worry and dread in his chest increasing with every word you said.

"There's really nothing going on. I just want to remind you of how much i love you." You said with a sniffle, your eyes clouding again with tears that were threatening to spill again.

"I really don't believe you, not when i'm not understanding anything at all." He sat up a bit, unable to shake the uneasy feeling he had now.

"Charles, please. On a dit qu'on en parlera plus tard et tu dois vraiment dormir car il est deja très tard et tu dois te réveiller tôt demain matin. S'il te plait, laisse ça tomber au moment." We said we’ll talk about it later and you really need to sleep because it’s already so late and you have to wake up early tomorrow. Please, let it go right now.

Sighing, he reached for the bedside lamp and turned it off, clearly not happy about this situation and making that clear to you by turning the other way and pulling the sheets right up to his neck.

You couldn't help but bite the inside of your cheek at that, feeling the tears welling up in your eyes.

"Charlie, please don't be upset. Je t'aime." I love you. You rolled onto your side, facing his back, hiding your face against it and hugging his waist as the tears started falling again.

“Bonne nuit.” Good night. He mumbled as a reply but you never let go of him, no matter how many minutes had passed.

You listened to the sound you were most grateful for, the soft thud of his heartbeat, letting it cut you deeper and harder because you were so hell bent on the fact that you deserved this pain, and once you thought he had went back to sleep, you allowed the quiet sobs and sniffles out, holding on tighter to the man you loved so deeply.

But Charles was everything but asleep. He felt your arms tighten around his waist, felt your hands clutching onto him for dear life. He heard you crying and laid there for a while, going over the past day in his head a hundred different times, desperately trying to understand what had unworldly upset you and crushed you this bad until his heart started feeling heavy with every sob that met his ears and at that point, he no longer felt like insisting on finding out what had happened. He just wanted to comfort you.

He sighed heavily and turned to face you, immediately bringing you to hide in his chest and between his sheltering arms, his hand on the back of your head securing you into this position that he knew you found so comforting.

The gesture only made you cry harder, this time the sounds muffled by having Charles so close.

"Shh, bébé." He kissed the top of your head while his heart felt like it was being torn apart, "I've got you, mon amour. Calm down."

That night you fell asleep for one singular reason and that way your eyes burning beyond comprehension, forcing you into slumber. Once your tensed body relaxed in Charles hold, he realized that you just exhausted yourself into sleep and that fact alone brought him so close to crying himself. However, he wasn't an idiot. He was well aware he shouldn't be staying up any longer, that he couldn't risk not being able to drive at a 100% in the conditions expected for the race, so he allowed his eyes to fall shut while making sure he had you held as close as possible.

When you woke up next morning, you were alone in bed and as soon as you checked your phone for the Japanese time, you realized why. The race was starting in less than two hours and you were still asleep.

With a worrying scowl on your face, you got up and headed for the bathroom, still trying to make sense of why Charles hadn't woken you up earlier. In the mirror over the sink, there was an unpleasant reminder of yesterday night: swollen under-eyes as your reflection's most prominent feature and even you couldn't help but to stare as you brushed your teeth.

Once done with that, you went back into the bedroom and found a note taped onto the closet door.

I didn't have the heart to wake you up cause you looked so tired but there is a key to a rental by your purse if you still want to go to the race. (I texted you a picture of which car it is.)

Je t'aime fort.

Without a second thought, you pulled on a pair of loose jeans, a cozy sweatshirt that belonged to charles and some shoes, grabbed an additional jacket, your purse and pass along with the keys Charles left you, applied some makeup to hide your swollen eyes and headed for the track, knowing that you weren't selfish enough to not even show your face at such an emotionally charged race for Charles.

It was pouring as you drove to the circuit so you put on your jacket, pulled the hood on and made a run for Charles' garage, hoping you'll catch him before he has to line up on the grid and you did but just barely.

As soon as he saw you coming up to him, his face brightened and he smiled. However, his eyes scanned over you as if to make sure you were alright.

"Good luck!" You attempted an enthusiastic tone after he had greeted you with a quick peck.

"Thank you. Tout vas mieux aujourd'hui?" Is everything going better today?

You nodded and dodged any further questions until he was luckily called over to the car and just like that, he was out of the garage, waving at you as he slipped into the cockpit and moved out into the pit lane.

You slacked in a chair then, feeling so guilty for even having the thought of leaving him, so guilty for putting yourself first. All you could think of was how you never in your life bothered prioritizing yourself and why did you have to start doing that now? When it came down to Charles and your relationship with him? But then another voice that seemed to come from a totally different side of your brain would remind you that it was either losing Charles or losing yourself again and forcing yourself into endless years of repairs and reconstruction.

Needless to say, by the start of the formation lap, your felt like you were loosing your mind as one thought contradicted the other, the scary conditions of the track adding another element to go crazy over with worry and before you knew it, chaos ensued and the race was red flagged when Carlos crashed and the recovery vehicle was employed while the cars were still on track and if you knew anything, it was that it would be disturbing for Charles to see that, especially when it was one of his friends, Pierre who was in the most danger.

You stayed in your chair as the cars made their way back in and watched Charles talking to the pit wall crew across from the garage where you were. He looked so visibly shaken up and you couldn't look at him and his tense posture for longer than that without backing out on your plan.

You turned away, grabbed your phone and booked a plane ticket home so there was no way out of this. However, that only increased the guilt you were feeling as Charles finished talking to Laurent and made his way to you, instantly giving you a kiss before reaching for his red Ferrari coat and shrugging it on to warm himself up.

If he didn't look visibly upset and worried and if you didn't feel like you were betraying him, you would've been obsessing over how adorable he looked with his hands tucked deep into his pockets as he took a seat by your side.

Suddenly, for the first time in years, you were fumbling for words around Charles but you saw him in staring into the distance before he heavily sighed and dropped his head back.

Everything was so close to collapsing, both on your side and his. Maybe you could rethink your decision.

"Bébé..." you turned sideways in your chair and faced him, "are you okay?" You asked and grabbed his hand in both yours.

"Yes, don't worry. Are you feeling better today?"

Only Charles would be more concerned about you when just minutes ago, his life and the life of multiple of his friends were literally on the line.

"Charles..."

"Please, they're already going to make me talk about everything in the media pen and i really don't want to do it twice." He rubbed his eyes angrily as he spoke, moving his hand between yours to intertwine your fingers.

Maybe you shouldn't leave. Not today at least.

You nodded and sat by his side in silence, watching your hands in your lap, his fingers toying with the ring on yours in a way you would've presumed absentminded but Charles found it incredibly comforting.

Eventually, after texting with the other drivers for a long time, all of them furious about the truck incident, he moved his chair closer and rested his head on your shoulder, allowing the two of you to chat quietly about almost anything that didn't involve racing: the food from the restaurant you went to in Tokyo, the old couple you saw yesterday when you went for a walk in the early morning, the wallpaper on your phone, paddock gossip... Anything to distract him for the current situation and the catastrophe that was this Grand Prix since you had a relatively clear idea of what he would be thinking at the moment.

"Cute hoodie, by the way." He smiled half-heartedly.

"It's cold and i don't have anything warm enough with me." You were quick to defend.

"I didn't say i mind it. Au contraire, je l'adore quand tu t'habille de mes vêtements." On the contrary, i adore it when you wear my clothes.

You couldn't even believe you were still considering leaving just a few minutes ago. How could you ever let go of this?

"Okay, okay. Don't get all cheesy now." You blushed, holding onto his hand tighter while you attempted to get a clear view of him.

He let out a small chuckle and brought your hand up to his mouth to press a kiss onto your knuckles.

"Merci." He smiled, "I know what you're doing and I'm so grateful."

You struggled to reply because of course he'd figure this out, so you settled for something simple, "Je t'aime, Charlie." You said and kissed his forehead mindlessly.

And it was like the universe hated you because right that instant, a big camera was directed right at you and Charles, capturing the moment at the perfect time and probably showing it on live TV.

It would be an understatement to say you immediately feared the outcome because you knew that a lot of people would find some ulterior motive other than comforting your stressed fiancé behind the gesture.

You still tried hard to act unfazed like Charles was but you remained highly uncomfortable until the lens moved in the other direction, filming the pit wall.

Somehow, through the seemingly endless red flag, you managed to forget that ever happened until Charles fixed up his suit and retrieved his helmet ages later, returning to his car as they announced the resumption of the session in ten minutes.

"Good luck once again." You smiled at him and watched him head out, back into the car and onto the track.

When Charles disappeared out of sight, you grabbed your phone and found endless notifications on the screen, reminding you of being filmed.

You couldn't help the heavy dread in your chest as you unlocked the device and clicked on the twitter icon.

You knew you couldn't allow yourself to have a breakdown in the middle of the garage with so many people who were well aware who you were surrounding you but you couldn't resist clicking on the notifications tab, gulping as you started reading through them.

It was the usual: the comments like "oh my god, they're adorable" and "at least she's there to comfort him" versus the opposing ones like "she's doing anything to appear on the stream", as if a kiss on the forehead was such an eccentric things to go.

Line after line, you read them and allowed them to build up in your mind until your breathing became irregular like yesterday.

You made a run for it.

You grabbed your things in a hurry, still trying not to attract unnecessary attention and hurried to the car.

You couldn't do this. You wouldn't survive staying in the spotlight that came with dating one of the most famous f1 drivers currently. You wouldn't make it out alive if you stayed with Charles and even though you felt so selfish as you turned the car on, you kept telling yourself that if there was any reasonable time to be selfish, it was now.

The drive back to the hotel passed in a teary, breathless haze as your mind carried your body on autopilot.

Before you could even register that you arrived to the room, you were packing up your bag and frantically searching the room for any pen and paper until you found one with the name of the hotel plastered all over it.

You only realized you were crying when the tear splattered onto the paper, distorting the ink as you shakily wrote.

Charlie, je suis infiniment désolée mais je ne peux plus faire ça. Ce mode de vie est quelque chose dont je ne pourrai jamais supporter.

Prends toujours soin de toi-même. I am so sorry.

Charlie, I'm very sorry but I can't do that anymore. This way of life is something I will never be able to bear.

Always take care of yourself. I am so sorry.

It felt like you were ripping away a part of you when your fingers wrapped around the engagement ring and you began sliding it off. It was physically painful to let go of everything so quickly but it felt like there was no escaping this.

Your eyes forcefully shut and sobs shook your body once the ring was in the palm of your hand instead of on your finger. You looked down at it, the diamond glistening brighter through your blurry, teary gaze. With your breath caught in your throat, you let it fall onto the paper on the nightstand then you were struggling to inhale at all, but you managed to call a taxi and rush down to the lobby with your suitcase and a heavy heart that was burdening you, avoiding at all costs allowing your mind to imagine how Charles would react to your unexplained and unexpected absence, let alone the break up in form of a paper with tear-streaked ink scarring it.

You just flew to your home country, not even to the apartment you shared with Charles in Monaco, leaving everything behind.

—

Such a short race shouldn't have felt so long but it seemed never ending as the gap to P1 grew with every lap, the tyres working completely against all the effort Charles was putting in.

Before he even knew it, the Redbull behind him was threateningly close and he was cussing out the whole world. He defended his position with everything he got, the only thing on his mind is finishing the race and falling into the comfort of his fiancée's arms but with all the stress that weighed down on his shoulders, the pressure of such defense caused him to exit the track and he knew he'd have to face complications because of that.

Getting dropped from P2 to P3 by a 5 seconds penalty felt like being dropped from P1 to P20, especially after all the effort he put in on track to keep the position but he took it without complaints and walked into the cool down room, already feeling like he was ready to collapse in bed.

He felt heavy and exhausted. He just wished he could skip the podium celebration and the interviews and just go find you but he knew that was impossible so he straightened up and put the brave, undefeated face back on.

On podium, his eyes scanned the crowd many times, trying so desperately to find the face that brought him comfort but to no avail. His shoulders slacked a bit lower as he realized you weren't watching the celebration and he was already making excuses for you as the national anthems played.

Eventually, he was handed a trophy and even though it was rather small, lifting it above his head took so much effort. He was so done with everything and just wanted to escape to you and hug you so tight. No one was ever able to cheer him up like you did and he was so grateful for that, for you and for the fact that he would be calling you his wife someday.

Forcing himself to stay aware of where he was for a few more minutes, he popped the bottle of champagne open and sprayed Max, congratulated him on the championship and eagerly got the hell out.

He rejoined his team, immediately asking about you but no where had a single idea where you were. Then, he was dragged out into the media pen where he rushed through all the questions, eventually resuming the search for you as soon as he was free to go. He checked both Ferrari garages, the team hospitality and finally his motorhome but you were nowhere to be found.

He started worrying, the state you were in yesterday adding to the situation.

He changed out of the suit, put on a jacket, grabbed his things and got going, his phone ringing against his ear as he attempted calling you while he was searching for Pierre to quickly check up on him before leaving. The phone kept ringing until he was met with beeping followed by your voicemail.

"Where are you, chérie? You're worrying me." He said and stuffed his phone in his pocket as he caught sight of his french friend.

—

Half an hour later, Charles was in the elevator in the hotel, going up to the floor the two of you were staying at, his heart beating fast with pure worry since he already called you many times on his way back and not once did you pick up.

He dragged himself through the hallway and unlocked the door in a hurry, immediately calling your name once he stepped into the suite.

Once, twice, three times... Nothing. Not a single sound in the room.

He walked further inside, expecting to see you overtaken by sleep on the bed but it was neatly made and the room looked clean and spotless.

That's when he panicked.

The room looked too clean.

The vanity facing the bed had absolutely nothing on it. Just this morning, it had your bag, your makeup remover, your jewelry box and a bottle of your perfume. It was completely clear now, and it could've been that you just put these things away but your suitcase had also been sitting on the floor next to it along with the spare pair of shoes you brought with you and those were gone too. Even your phone's charger was gone from the outlet above your nightstand.

The words you had said to him yesterday resurfaced in his mind, the fact that you were asking him to promise you he'd never forget you love him now seemingly bone-chilling.

What was going on? He kept asking himself because there was no way what he was assuming would be true.

He turned on his heels and began searching the other part of the suite, from the kitchenette to the small balcony to the bathroom, even checking behind the frosted glass of the shower.

Nothing. You weren't there and nor were your things.

"Non. Non, ça peut pas être." No. No, it can't be. He started mumbling to himself as he rushed around the rooms, retrieving his phone and calling you in a hurry now, as if that would make you pick up.

"Tu peux pas me faire ça. Qu'est-ce qui se passe? Où est tu? S'il te plais, répond au téléphone." You can't do that to me. What’s going on? Where are you? Please answer the phone. He said into your voicemail and tossed his phone onto the couch, heading back to the bedroom.

Maybe he was misinterpreting this. Maybe you just put your suitcase in the closet provided. Maybe you put your things in drawers. Maybe you left the race because you were tired.

So many maybes and what ifs clouded his thoughts as he pulled the closet opened, only to be deceived but the dull and blank wooden shelves.

"Putain." Fuck. He cursed and moved onto the drawers, not even closing the closet doors.

One after one, he yanked them open and every single drawer was empty, even the ones of the nightstand on the side where you'd been sleeping, leaving him with only the one on his side of the bed.

He rolled on the mattress in a hurry but froze in his sitting position as his eyes met a sight he never wanted to see, a sight he never thought he'd see.

It felt like he forgot how to breathe, like his heart was irregularly beating, skipping beats left and right as his eyes widened so much, they started burning.

"Non..." he shocked, gulping as he tried to make sense and of everything, "Why? What the fuck? Why?" He bolted to his feet, pacing by the bed with his hand against his mouth in pure shock. His mind was a mess of thoughts and feelings and words but most importantly questions.

He thought things between the two of you were as perfect as they could get so why was he staring at your ring sitting abandoned on the nightstand? He couldn't make sense of it. He kept asking himself why.

His heart shattered because it finally made sense how you were speaking to him yesterday night. You had planned this and still went to the race, sat by his side and comforted him when all he could think of was the potential tragedy that was the first few laps.

Nothing made sense. If you love him as much as you said yesterday, why did you leave him? Why did you bother with the grand prix? Why did you wear his sweatshirt?

Charles eventually froze in his spot but he could see a paper under the shiny band and he wanted to grab it. However, it felt like his arms had went limp and he suddenly couldn't move, his eyes still scarily widened, still trying so hard to wrap his head around what has happened today.

He was just so eager to come back to you after such a stressful race, after it became official that he lost the championship. He needed you right now that if felt like the world was closing in on him, but he came back to this, to a breakup through a paper, not even face to face.

Cursing again, he grabbed the paper and the ring and read the streaked ink scribbled clearly in a hurry.

A hundred times, he read and reread the words, until his tears joined the marks of yours on the paper, and not once did they sink in.

You gave up on the relationship that easily? He couldn't bear the mere thought of you leaving him and now he had to face that as his reality? Without any clear explanation or a proper end and all because of the lifestyle that came with dating him? How were you planning to marry him if that was the case?

He fell back onto the mattress, his hands over his face as he tried so hard not to break after such a bad day but the tears defied him and streamed down the sides of his face in a rush.

It felt like a mockery that when he received the penalty, he thought the weekend had no way of getting worse. He had the comfort of knowing he had you by his side and with the endless support you always provided, he knew he could overcome anything but now he feels powerless, broken and defeated and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

He just needed one of your hugs right now. He just needed for this to be a nightmare.

Just a few hours ago, he was twisting the ring around your finger and now it sat painfully cold in its loneliness in the palm of his hand.

He felt like tossing it out if the window but his heart couldn't take anymore hits today so he clutched it tighter and gave up on trying to push his emotions aside. He let them rule over him.

He loved you too much to be able to pull himself through this and come out unscathed.

This felt like the end of everything. He lost everything in a day and he didn't have to energy to face that just yet.

He laid alone on that bed, staring at the ceiling blankly, waiting for the shock to subside and for heartbreak to set in and when it did, every last breath was knocked right out of his body and he was left curled around a pillow, holding it so tight and crying into it, occasionally trying to call you again and again but not once did you answer and it enraged him.

He tossed the phone off the bed onto the floor with a frustrated scream that felt like it was cutting through his lungs.

Following that, he allowed himself to completely fall apart as it sank in that you really left him.

Charles felt utterly defeated and hopeless.

—

To say you were no longer used to waking up in your childhood home would be a major understatement, especially since you could barely open your swollen, burning eyes in the morning to see the room clearly, leaving you panicked because you weren't at the place you call home and very far from the person that felt like it.

However, the familiarity of the place was as welcoming as ever, definitely something you needed at the moment.

When you showed up home yesterday, everyone was worried but as they watched you drag the suitcase in with bare hands, the object tying you to Charles missing from your finger, they caught up quick enough not to ask any questions.

They let you sleep it off in your old bedroom but really, you were crying most of the time, questioning if you made the right decision.

Charles called you so many times and left so many voicemails but you were determined to stay off your phone, so you let it's battery drain until it powered off at night and you decided not to charge it as not to risk it.

Your heart ached all night long since the only thing you could think of was Charles returning to the vacant hotel room and discovering that you left without him, and as your woke up this morning and found yourself reaching for him in your half conscious state, what had remained whole from you completely shattered because he obviously wasn't there and you had made that choice for the both of you and he probably was clueless why you did it.

The smell of him was still engulfing you though, making you realize hours too late that you had taken off dressed in his sweatshirt still and you couldn't really tell if the fact that you were still wearing it was good or bad. You really couldn't bring yourself to care.

Once the morning light became too strong, you forced yourself to get out of the bed. However, on the first attempt, you only managed to sit up enough to scan the room. Your head was throbbing and your throat was sore and dry and you could barely see anything through your blurry vision.

You rubbed your eyes furiously and got up. Outside your door, you could hear your family moving about in the house and talking, the clatter of plates and utensils implying that they were probably having breakfast.

You felt guilty that you barely great them yesterday but you still couldn't bring yourself to go out and talk to anyone so grabbed some of your old towels from a drawer, your shower products from your suitcase and headed for the bathroom.

You avoided your reflection at all costs. You didn't want to face any of yesterday's various aftermaths. Instead, you stepped under the hot stream, immediately felt your shoulders drop as your head fall back, the hot water relaxing your tense muscles.

Then, the tears made a comeback and you welcome them with open arms, letting them stay as you washed your hair and body until you turned the shower off and padded back to your room.

Pulling open your closet, you were met with the memories of the last time you had stocked it. You and Charles and his family spent last Christmas with your parents. The two of you had been newly engaged and everyone was still gushing over that.

As the memories of that trip resurfaced, your eyes met the sight of a certain pile of clothes that didn't belong to you. That's when you remembered that Charles had felt a few items of clothing here, a change for hot weather and one for cold days, because he was so damn sure he'd come back to your childhood home at some point and so were you.

With your lips pursed, you betrayed your heart and grabbed his sweater instead of your own clothes and put it on along with some shorts.

Tensely, you fell back onto the messy bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling lost and withdrawn. You had nothing to do, nowhere to be , nothing to distract you and the only thing you could think off was Charles.

You just wanted to know if he was alright, if he finished the race safely at least, but you didn't want to face the fact that you hurt him without giving him any explanation, that you walked out on him during one of the heaviest races of the season. You didn't want to consider the possibility that he now understood why you kept reminding him that you love him and that he might find it confusing now since common logic was that you don't leave someone you love.

As the thoughts ate away at your heart, you impulsively jumped up and grabbed your phone to charge it. You had to make sure he crossed the finish line safely at least and you wouldn't have to give in and contact him for you to know that.

The few minutes that it takes for the phone to power on felt like ages and when it finally did, over 50 missed calls from Charles flooded in along with so many texts and voicemails.

That meant that he was well, health wise at least. However, the last missed call was hours ago.

Your finger hovered over the voicemail icon and you were so tempted to just click it, desperate to hear his voice since you weren't used to starting your day without talking to him.

You gave in.

The first one started by him just asking where you were and judging by the noise around him, it was clear that he was still at the paddock.

But as one recording ended and another played, his tone progressively changed and several of his words broke your heart.

"Tu peux pas me faire ça..." You can’t do this to me… is what you heard in the second voicemail and the last one in which he didn't sound like he was crying. After that, it was just heartache.

"Tu peux me dire pourquoi, au moins? Je ne comprends rien." Can you tell me why, at least? I don’t understand anything.

"Where did you go? Tu m'inquiète au point de la folie." I’m going crazy from the worry.

"Fuck. Fuck, just..." you heard a sniffle, "... please, je te supplie, come back. Please."

These sentences amidst rambling and incoherent french stuck with you, making you wish you never charged your phone again or that you never left, but even after hearing that, nothing could've prepared you for the last recording.

"I'm kind of loosing hope now that you will answer," he sighed, "i just needed you here today, and always, but today more than usual. The race was shit but somehow i don't give a fuck. Why?" There was a laugh of irony and a pause before he continued, "Because the person i wanted to marry just left me. Really, bébé? Quand même une petite explication à ce qui s'est passé! Un adieu! Même ça, je ne le mérite plus?" At least a little explanation for what happened! A goodbye! Even that, I don't deserve it anymore? He was crying and now, so were you.

"It doesn't feel nice, being dumped with a letter and not even knowing why et maintenant, je sais plus how to live without you à mes côtés. Pourquoi t'as fais ça? How am i supposed to continue believing que tu m'aime? Tu m'as détruit complètement, chérie. J'ai tout perdu today."

It doesn't feel nice, being dumped with a letter and not even knowing why and now, I don't know how to live without you by my side. Why did you do that? How am I supposed to continue believing that you love me? You destroyed me completely, darling. I lost everything today.

Heavy breathing took over for a few seconds and you could tell he had been trying not to make it too obvious that he was crying.

Your hand clasped over your mouth to muffle the sobs as you waited for Charles to continue, "Je voulais t’épouser. I was gonna tell you that we should start preparing for the wedding so we can get married in winter break mais il me semble que tu n'veux plus rien a faire avec moi et je n'ai aucune idée pourquoi. The lifestyle isn't something new et si tu était autant gêné depuis le début, you shouldn't have said yes when i proposed. Fuck, you really shouldn't have given me de l'espoir that i will get to call you my wife un jour, que je pourras passer le reste de ma vie avec toi, have our own children et notre propre famille à nous. Putain, tu n'aura jamais dû me laisser tomber si amoureux de toi if you knew you would leave at some point."

I wanted to marry you. I was gonna tell you that we should start preparing for the wedding so we can get married in winter break but it seems to me that you don't want anything to do with me anymore and I have no idea why. The lifestyle isn't something new and if you were so annoyed from it from the beginning, you shouldn't have said yes when I proposed. Fuck, you really shouldn't have given me hope that I will get to call you my wife one day, that I would get to spend the rest of my life with you, have our own children and our own family. Fuck, you should never have let me fall so in love with you if you knew you would leave at some point.

There was a long break after that and you could hear the sniffles and the rustling of sheets. You couldn't even imagine what he was thinking in these silent seconds.

"Je dois me taire, non? By the way, Max was announced champion, si t'en soucies même plus. I have to shut up, right? By the way, Max was announced champion, if you even care anymore. And... I love you still, a lot." He gasped the words out between sharp inhales and it made you want to go back to him just to hug him tight.

"Je sais plus si te veux que je t'aime ou non but that will never change the fact that i would die for you, même si tu pense that i don't even deserve a face to face break up. Je t'aime, even if i don't understand shit."

I don't know if you want me to love you or not but that will never change the fact that I would die for you, even if you think that I don't even deserve a face to face break up. I love you, even if I don't understand shit.

You locked your phone and tossed it aside, grabbing a pillow and holding it against your face, trying to muffle the crying.

You could've told him the reason this was happening but, knowing Charles, he would blame himself for everything. This, this was bad but he didn't have to feel guilty in this scenario. You were withholding all the guilt and you'd be happy bearing it forever if that meant Charles wouldn't be tinged by it.

No matter how bad this was, he would manage to get over it, even if after a while but you knew him and you knew he wouldn't cope well with knowing that he was the reason you fell back into the depths of your past insecurities.

A knock on your door interrupted your crying. You tossed the pillow away and wiped your eyes rapidly with the sweater's sleeves before saying "Come in."

You knew you couldn't avoid your family anymore. They were probably really concerned.

Your older brother peeked his head through the door with a cautious smile on his face.

"Hi." He started, taking just one step into the room and closing the door after him.

"Hey." You tried smiling back but teared up again at the attempt.

"Look, i'm not gonna be nosey." He said before he took a seat on the edge of the bed, "I just need to know if i need to kick some ass or anything. I don't really care that he's Leclerc in this case." He tried to joke.

"Please, if there’s any need to kick his ass i would've done it myself. I don't need any men to do it for me."

Your brother smiled at that, having expected that response.

"However, the only guilty person here is me." You continued and quickly wiped away the tear that escaped.

"Why?" He frowned.

"I left while he was mid-race." You clarified, your teeth abusing your inner cheek between words, "I just don't know how to live the lifestyle he has, you know?"

Your brother looked confused, "Yeah, i'm not buying that, the thing about life with him. You've been together for years, only now you realized his lifestyle? You live together, you're practically married so even when you do actually get legally married, there will barely be any difference." He started analyzing. "Something is off. What's the real reason you left?"

You caved in so fast but you didn't really have any energy in you to resist it.

"I've been getting so much hate, especially when I'm with him at races. I couldn't deal with it anymore."

Your brother, like everyone who knew you and Charles, wasn't a stranger to that. He nodded and appeared to be in deep thought about this.

"Did you try talking to him about it? Charles loves you so much, we can all see it, and i know he would be very understanding and helpful in this situation."

In your mind, the thought of opening up to Charles about this wasn't even present. After all, he also gets a lot of hate too. However, the criticism he received was mostly about his skills as a driver, in other words, nothing he couldn't control and improve. On the other hand, people hated you for you, for simply existing as Charles' partner.

"It's not that simple."

"Oh, but it is. Look, i understand it's difficult to read that shit but it's not right that you left him out of the blue, like you have no respect for what you have, or had, with him."

That angered you so fast, you quickly got off the bed to face your brother.

"Of course i have respect for him and our relationship!I'm- I was engaged to him, for fuck's sake!" The little correction you had to make pained you as it made this situation much realer.

"I'm sorry, but if my partner walked out on me like that, i wouldn't be okay with it. If you want to break up with him for such a vague reason, at least do it to his face. That guy loves you more than i've seen anybody love anyone before and i know you're my sister, but if you treat him like that, after such a difficult race as well, you don't deserve him."

Ever since you heard that last voicemail, there's been a part you've avoided thinking of.

Getting married in winter break, literally in a few months. Instead of that, you left him the ring and took off.

You knew he wanted to marry you. Otherwise, he wouldn't have proposed but the fact that he wanted to do it so soon was unexpected to you. It should've been the happiest surprise, instead it was tugging on your heartstrings.

"He wanted to get married after the season ended, in his winter break." You spoke in a whisper.

Before you could receive a reply, your mother's voice could be heard as she called for your brother.

"Look," he started as he got up, "just call him." He shot an accusatory finger at you, "He had a shit race yesterday and i think you'd be able to find some solutions to this together. " He kept talking until he was out the door.

"Wait!" You called for him, "What position did he end up in?"

"Defended P2 with inters turned into basically slicks but ended up P3 after a five second penalty for cutting a chicane in the last lap. I gotta go."

Needless to say, you couldn't bring yourself to actually call him but you did spend hours staring at his contact name, the little ring emoji you added to it a while back torturing you now. Eventually, you joined your mother in the living room, allowing her to distract you until your brother reappear, asking if you talked to Charles, to which you shook your head then watched him leave the house.

Hours later, you retreated back to your room, laying on your bed and scrolling through twitter again. The notifications had lessened compared to yesterday but there were still there, the hate still being a constant and an arguably increasing reoccurrence. Surprisingly though, it wasn't what you focused on nor what you cried about.

You had been letting the clip of you kissing Charles' forehead during the red flag replay for so long, you'd lost count of how many times it had repeated. All you could focus on was how comforting Charles seemed to find your presence.

Over the years, everyone kept telling you how you were the only person who was able to comfort Charles as more than just some temporary fix. When you were to one to receive him with open arms after an angering or disappointing moment, Charles would calm down within minutes. Even his mother had said that and even Mattia had noticed it, but you never saw it.

However, now that you were stood on the outside, looking into the relationship, you saw it clear as day. In such a stressful and traumatic place and moment, he looked content in a way and it caused you to break down crying, especially as you thought of him bearing the disappointment alone yesterday, only to face something worse when he found out you left.

Eventually, you fell asleep with the video playing.

The next morning, the sound of the doorbell echoed through the house and woke you up. You expected your mother to get it but it rang again and again until you groaned and headed to check who it was while rubbing your eyes with the sleeves of Charles' shirt that you were still wearing.

You checked your reflection on the hallway mirror. Sure, the swollen eyes were still prominent but you hadn't been expecting them to subside any time soon so you sucked it up and padded to the door, swinging it open while tugging the shirt down to cover some skin as you just realized how short the shorts were.

Then, you froze.

All sorts of emotions ran through your body. First, shock because, how and why? Second was some weird sort of relief. Third, and most dominantly, guilt.

Guilt was eating you alive as you stared at the man whose heart you broke. You couldn't bring yourself to move nor to look away but you couldn't really look for any longer.

"Um..." you started fumbling for something to say, rubbing at the back of your neck awkwardly.

"Can i come in?" He asked and even though the sentence was short, it was still enough to show how hoarse his voice sounded.

You nodded and moved aside. Charles immediately made his way inside.

"How- um, why did- You know what i mean." You struggled while closing the door shut.

"You were getting hate and instead of telling me, you left?" He sounded angry and you wanted to strangle your brother for obviously contacting Charles.

"Charles, please... I can't-"

"You can't? Let's say you desperately want go break up with me, why didn't you do it properly? And really? Suzuka out of all places?" He asked, his hands gestures emphasizing his point.

He was right and there was no way to escape that so you fell back into the couch behind you, tugging on your sleeves and picking at the cotton.

Before you knew it, Charles was sat by your side.

"I wasn't really thinking. Everything i read was hitting so close to home and it was giving me some sort of panic attack and i - i'm sorry for leaving like that." Your eyes prickled with tears again.

"The night before, i asked you so many times what was wrong. You had me worried sick when i found you crying. You could've told me - fuck, you should've told me." He sprung back to his feet, rubbing at his face in frustration.

"I didn't want you to know." You spoke quietly.

"Why? I thought we trusted each other with everything! And it's literally something that i caused so deserved to know..." His voice rose.

"See? This is exactly why. You will blame yourself for it. You can't control what some asshole type out on their phones, even if they're your fans. There's nothing you can do to stop it and i can't handle it and revert to being an insecure person so i did us both a favor and left!" You shouted back.

Charles was gaping at you.

"You're giving up that easily on years of us and all the fucking future we've planned? Tout à cause de quelques connards qui se cachent à l'abri de leurs petits écrans?" All because of some assholes hiding in the shelter of their small screens? He was huffing in irony, "If some assholes you don't even know are able to make you insecure, then, je suis désolé bébé, but you've never been confident enough then." Knowing it was a touchy subject, Charles regained his composure and regulated his tone.

"Oh, really? You're telling me how i feel, Charles? You know me better than i know myself? Oh, wow! What a fucking catch i let go of!"

"That's not-" he attempted a reply.

"Shut up."

"Chérie, please."

"Shut up!"

He took his seat back next to you and tried to grab your hand but you snatched it away so fast, making him nod in defeat.

"Okay." He murmured and slacked against the back of the couch, his leg bouncing and shaking the whole sofa with it.

A deafening silence took over for long, painful minutes during which you reverted back to crying while Charles stared blank up at the ceiling.

"What about all the things you say to me after bad races?" He sniffled beside you, making you realize he was crying as well, "All that shit about how we can get through everything together? How we can always be each other's comfort and safety? That there's nothing on this world we can't overcome as long as we keep in mind that's it's us against the problem, not against each other? Why doesn't it apply when it's you that needs me? Why's it only me that shares the issues and problems i'm facing so we can solve them together?" He ranted, not stopping for a breath while he lost control over the tears, "I want to help you through this."

"Arrête, s'il te plaît." Stop, please. You cried harder, got up and started pacing around the room, sobbing into the sleeves, hearing Charles crying too.

You've always been used to solving your problems on your own and while over the years, you learned to share the burden of some issues with Charles, you still couldn't bring yourself to openly talk about things like this, not because you didn't trust him enough to help you, but because you've never been comfortable sharing so much.

You kept walking back and forth, hands covering your bloodshot eyes until you collided against who you knew was Charles.

His arms wrapped around you, even when you tried resisting his touch, pushing against his chest, wanting to get away before you caved in and he knew you enough to know that. Eventually, you broke down in his hold and he let you cry it all out.

"Talk to me, please." He cooed in your ear, dragging you to sit with him on the couch.

You tried not to but it got suffocating and so, the questions rushed out.

"You would tell me if i was annoying you during race weekends, right? If i was limiting your freedom."

With every word, and as he realized the cruel remarks you'd been reading, Charles' heart broke more and more.

"What? I want you by side everyday of my life, chérie!" Subconsciously, and maybe even somewhat protectively, his arms tightened around you.

"They're right, in a way... You could get sick of me faster if i went with you everywhere, and if i kept gaining weight-"

"Baby..." he interrupted, "I don't see a single reason for me to get sick of you. You have a fun and amazing personality, you are so beautiful and you understand me like no one ever has. Every day i'm away from you, i can't wait to go back home because life feels - i don't know the word for it - but it feels full and complete with you. And the weight thing, fuck whoever said that. I wish you would love yourself and your body like i do. You're beautiful in every state."

You cried even harder into his shirt, the words he was saying making you realize it was a huge mistake, allowing anyone to mess with your relationship with him, but him easing your worries wouldn't stop the hate and the both of you knew it.

"I love you, Charlie."

"I love you too."

You sat still in that position for a while and that left you thinking of the way things online would never change, dreading that in fact.

"I know what you're thinking. Oui, on pourra jamais les stopper, j'en sais cela très bien." Yes, we can never stop them, I know that very well. Charles spoke up and you gulped at that, "But you could use it for your entertainment. Listen here, all those things they say, it's out of jealousy. You're at a grand prix and they're saying you never leave me alone? They're jealous you get to go for free and that you're dating a driver. Fuck with their minds, post confusing locations, or rub it in their faces that you're there and they're not. I guess what I'm trying to say is have the upper hand because someone who hates on other people online will always be below them. Let them be the insecure ones and keep in mind, everything that is point out negatively is something that they envy so much that they noticed it." He was speaking and moving his hands up and down your back comfortingly.

"And if a certain comment gets to you, come to me and tell me about it and i will prove it wrong in hundreds of different ways. I don't know of you've seen it bébé, mais tu as tes propre fans même and they are way more than the haters. If anything, that just proves my point that you're just so lovable." …but you even have your own fans…

Charles smiled and tilted your head up so he caught a glimpse of your face.

"Just, please, give us another shot and be completely honest with me. Even if you hide those kinds of things from me again - if you decide you want to stay with me - i will now know to look online when things feel off, so i just want your honesty."

You smiled and nodded, agreeing to everything but slightly confusing Charles.

"Yes to what part exactly?"

"Tout. Je veux tout avec toi. Et je vais toujours être honnête avec toi. Everything. I want everything with you. And I will always be honest with you. But first, i owe you a big apology. What i did was cowardly, the way i ran away. I'm sorry i hurt you, Charles." You kissed his neck, "I'm sorry i confused you and left without even saying goodbye." The kissed moved further up his jaw, "And i'm so sorry that i wasn't there after that shitshow, especially since i knew how stressed the first two laps made you. I feel like an asshole." You sealed the words with a kiss to his lips.

"It's okay, bébé. I understand it now." He pressed your lips together again.

"Doesn't excuse how insensitive i was. Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah, the race finished safely."

You nodded, "That's good." Then, you sat up a bit to see him better, "And as for the championship, your are still my champion and you will be the world's one day. You've got it in you and everyone sees it." Assuringly, you traced your hand softly along his cheek while he stared at you lovingly.

"I'm so lucky that i found you, tu sais?" you know? He pulled you back onto his chest, "Je t'adore." I adore you.

"Je t'adore également, crois moi." I adore you just as much, believe me.

You heard him sigh and relax in relief but he wasn't still for long. Within seconds, you felt him reach for his pant's pocket, digging through it weirdly in this position.

"Give me your hand." Charles instructed and you complied.

"Me donnerais-tu l'honneur de t'épouser, mon amour?" Would you give me the honour to marry you, my love? He asked, holding out the ring.

"Bien sûr." Of course. You chuckled, "L'honneur est vraiment complètement le mien." The honour is completely mine.

The both of you watched your hand as Charles slipped the ring back on your finger where it belongs with a big grin on his face.

Now, everything felt right again and you realized that you'd be able to conquer the world and its critics with this man by your side.

a/n: idk how to feel about the note as a picture so be sure to let me know if it’s s cringey as i find it. Thank you for reading!💕

#charles leclerc imagines #f1 imagines #charles leclerc x reader #f1 x reader #charles leclerc x you #f1 oneshots #charles leclerc oneshots #f1 x you #charles leclerc one shot

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violet-moonstone · 3 months

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highlights from "searching for oswald...and chicken"

wow I loved this episode...I feel like I say that every time but I REALLY REALLY enjoyed this one

first of all its a Dagur episode, which automatically makes it great...most of the screenshots I took are of him. Honestly all of his dialogue is very quotable, especially since so many of the jokes they give him are thinly veiled adult humour

also the B plot with chicken was certainly something (and makes me think the writers were thinking about the end of the hidden world while writing it?)

ok so the beginning of the episode was already tugging at my heartstrings. I love seeing Dagur and Heather's sibling relationship, whether hey're arguing or getting along.

Well that's deeply upsetting! and the fact that he said "most of his life" makes me wonder how much of the confidence Dagur displayed as a teenager was a cover for whatever he was dealing with internally.

The part where Dagur hugs Heather and she looks happy but almost surprised was very bittersweet. It seems like she's still getting used to having a family, and affection catches her off guard.

Excuse me while I go cry

Call me deranged but I think Dagur slamming Snotlout against a cage was hot

As always, Hiccup is adorable. Literally looks like a cat

This is funny but also very upsetting! Snotlout and Dagur really make a habit of using humourous line delivery to cope with being deeply unwell:

*clears throat* uh yeah Dagur, I'm sure you do love a good "fruit bath," from time to time if you know what I mean...

Come on, the writers, animators and voice actor HAVE to have known that line came across as suggestive. Like the way he sounds? His facial expression? They may not have intended it to specifically imply he was talking about getting in a sauna with some twinks, but it certainly sounded like something sensual was going on.

Also I didn't get a shot of this but when Dagur starts listing adjectives to describe Heather's reckless behaviour, Hiccup says "Sentinel" while looking at Oswald's journal. Dagur says something like "that's not quite the word I'd use," which makes me think Dagur was going to call her a not so PG word...

Snotlout staring directly at the camera while narrating Tuffnut's emotional breakdown in the style of a pun-loving mystery novelist:

What an asshole (I love him). there's something really funny about Tuff leaning against the tree with a hand on his hip. Poor guy. Astrid and Stormfly were clearly less amused than I was.

Ok let's talk about Hiccup motivating Dagur to open the door to Oswald's shelter. My little Dagcup heart was really soaring here. And look at the lighting!

LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT HIS FACE!

Oooohh man, Dagur expressing guilt about his past and Hiccup trying to help him through it also really got to me.

Dagur: I was a villain!

Hiccup: No, you were a kid

Me: *crying*

Because yeah, Dagur in Riders of Berk/Defenders of Berk did horrible things, but he was also enabled by all the adults in his life who could have stepped up after Oswald left. I've already written (both in posts and in one of my Dagcup fics) about how being thrown into a dungeon as a kid only made Dagur a worse person (no one in the show talks about the scars on his face that weren't there before...). And There is clearly an opportunity for restorative justice when it comes to characters like Alvin and Eret that wasn't extended to Dagur despite the fact that they had already overpowered him and could have at least given him a choice between punishment and trying to make up for his actions. Anyway...let me not rant about that anymore.

Ok what's next...oh yeah! Astrid doing this:

Hilarious.

Um...ok so...I needed to screenshot this for uh...reasons. It's the um...the composition and the...the lighting and...yeah. All that stuff.

THE DRAWING OSWALD DID OF DAGUR AND HEATHER AS KIDS

oooooohhh my heart!

Look. At. My. Boy. He looks so happy and at peace after reading his father's letter.

Ok so again...the writers making very interesting decisions for Dagur's lines.

Dagur being funny and a little concerning again

I liked the colour scheme for this Gronckle

More Dagur appreciation.

Before the episode where Fishlegs helps Dagur fly Shattermaster, I would have assumed Dagur would make fun of Fishlegs for being a nerd -- but instead he appreciates it. I think their friendship is super adorable, and I wish we got to see more of it.

Fishie! He calls him Fishie! (I ship them a little sometimes tbh) I can see Dagur having a thing for nerds.

hehehe

and uh, let's close off with hiccup being hot and windswept

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junnieverse · 9 months

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KISS AND TELL ➳ C. SOOBIN

➙ synopsis: you and soobin had been best friends for as long as you could remember and during the course of your friendship you developed a crush on him. Could confessing be the right way to go?

pairing: choi soobin x gn!reader

genre: fluff, best friends to lovers au

word count: 1.3k

warnings: not proofread so there may be a few typos I didn't notice.

"(Y/N)!!"

Not failing to recognise the voice, your door was busted open as Soobin excitedly ran into your room and leaped on top of you disrupting your once peaceful relaxation in bed.

"Geez Soob, you're so heavy dude." you groan in pain feeling his weight on you as he laughed.

Choi Soobin had been your best friend for the past eight years and over the time you managed to developed a small, tiny, itsy bitsy HUMONGOUS crush on him.

I mean who could possibly blame you, Soobin was adorable, funny, had the cutest chubby cheeks, pretty eyes, tall, handsome and had such a caring heart.

Just perfect.

"I just missed my best friend." he said giving you a tight hug not moving in the slightest no matter how much you tried pushing him off of you.

"Okay, now get off before I tickle you." you tell him still attempting to use all your strength to get him to let go.

"Say it back now or I'm not moving," he interjected as he lifts his head sticking his tongue out at you teasingly.

Feeling your cheeks heaten up at the close proximity you were both in, you mentally debate whether or not to say it back but decide to rather stay quiet having secretly enjoyed this affectionate side of his.

"So we're just gonna stay and cuddle like this?" you ask shyly as he nods with his head laid between the crook of your neck.

"Not unless you say it back, unless you didn't miss me," he tells you.

"Well ofcourse I missed you... now get off," you admit to which Soobin chuckles holding onto you even closer.

"No I'm good, it's more comfortable this way," he teases you as you only sigh in response.

It was the things like this Soobin did that made your heart want to beat right out of your chest.

He wasn't even actively flirting with you and yet he had you wrapped right around his finger.

You then slowly reached out your one hand to gently massage his head since you knew how much he enjoyed those and you both stayed laying in bed that way enjoying the comfortable silence.

Using your other free hand to busy yourself on social media, you soon found yourself scrolling through Tiktok and came across one challenge in particular which caught your attention.

'Kiss your best friend challenge'

You had seen a few people doing this challenge all over your feed, some being successful whilst others... weren't.

What was crazy was the fact that you were actually considering trying this with Soobin.

I mean there's absolutely no possible way he would even kiss back, all you were to Soobin was his best friend of many years and despite being happy with that title, you knew you wanted more out of it too.

Seemingly lost in thought, you're brought back to reality feeling Soobin poke your cheek.

"You okay? You zoned out for a good minute there," he asks poking your cheek again playfully as he showed his infamous dimpled smile.

"Huh? Oh uh, yeah, I'm okay Binnie. Just thinking." you tell him smiling softly to not worry him.

Could you ever really confess to him?

This challenge could either make or break your relationship with Soobin and you weren't sure you were ready to take that grand leap of faith that could change everything between you both.

Be it for the good or bad.

Honestly the logical side of you was saying no but your heart and intuition was saying you had to take the risk to see results.

And that's what you were going to do.

"Hey Soobin?" you called out to him as he hummed in response.

"Could I try this Tiktok with you?"

"What's the challenge?" he asks curiously sitting up as you did the same.

Setting up your ring light to use as a tripod, you then set the phone in front of where he was seated.

"Don't worry. You just need to sit next to me and look pretty like always."

You proceeded to set the timer and countdown and waited for the music.

Making your way back to him, you sit down next to Soobin and he awkwardly smiled looking at you signalling to ask what is going on.

The music started playing and you held Soobin's hands placing them around your waist as he looked at you completely confused.

"Here we go," you mumbled under your breath.

When the timing was right, you gently placed your hands on his face and leaned in to kiss him.

Just as you were prepared to pull away and deal with the rejection you were left baffled when he kissed back!

Smiling into the kiss, you felt his grip tighten around your waist as he laid you down on the bed hovering over you to deepen the kiss.

You then realise what just happened and pull away and jolt up from your position in the bed as your eyes widen in pure shock.

"W-what in the world just happened..." you mumbled to yourself as your fingers gently touched your lips.

Looking over at Soobin who was turning as red as a tomato, you excitedly hug him as he hugged you back.

Pulling away, you let out a deep breath before confessing, "I like you Soobin... a lot."

"I like you too (Y/n)... a lot." he tells you shyly as you both laugh at the turn of events.

Maybe making the Tiktok wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"How about I take you out on a real first date soon? But before that, I have a suprise for you in the kitchen." He says sheepishly smiling as he looks down.

How can someone this big be so adorable, he's such a baby.

"Well what are we waiting for then, let's go."

He then crouched in front of you and usually someone would be suprised at this but Soobin sometimes enjoyed carrying you on his back.

You then hopped on his back holding on tightly and went on your way to the kitchen.

Soobin then sat you down on the counter as he proceeded to then open the oven and showed you the tray of bread rolls.

"You made those?" you ask as the whiff of the freshly made bread hit your nose

"Yep, and obviously it wouldn't be fun to eat them alone so I thought we could enjoy them together." he says looking proud of how his baked goods turned out.

He looked through one of the cabinets searching for plates and he got two out so you could both evenly share the rolls.

You both casually conversed enjoying the bread Soobin had made and before you knew it, your plate had been cleared.

In all fairness Soobin did an amazing job, it all tasted amazing.

Although it did seem like Soobin had one left...

Slowly maneuvering your hand onto the plate whilst he wasnt paying any attention, you stole his bread roll and ran into your bedroom as he chased closely behind you managing to catch up.

"Yah! I know you stole my last bread roll!" he yelled as he tackled you trying to tickle you in an effort to get his bread.

Finally giving in, you gave Soobin his bread as you laid in bed trying to calm yourself down from all the intense laughing.

He broke the bread in half giving you a piece and he playfully rolled his eyes as you thanked him.

Placing a quick kiss to his cheek you watched him redden in suprise and you couldn't help but laugh at his reaction.

"I'm glad you did that Tiktok challenge." he says pulling you closer.

"Yeah?"

"Because now I can actually kiss you whenever I want."

Nodding in agreement you finally closed the gap between each other feeling his soft lips on yours once again.

This was a feeling you would definitely never get used to.

And it was all thanks to a Tiktok challenge.

All you had to do was kiss and tell

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myyoungroyalsblog · 10 months

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Red, White and Royal Blue fic rec part 2 (part 1)

*Note: I have a lot of unfinished fics in my subscriptions but since there are over 120+ fics there from other fandoms too I won’t be able to add those, when they are finished I’ll do another post in the future!

*Also couldn't find some of these writers here on tumblr, if you know tell me and I’ll add their @ beside it!

MULTI-CHAPTER

Things I Cannot Accept

18 chapters, 69.703 words

By @sprigsofviolets AU where Ellen lost the election in 2016 and Henry and Alex reconnect in 2019. Super cute and interesting story, with a lot of fluff and angst, amazingly written!

Captious (calculated to confuse, entrap or entangle in argument)

3 chapters, 14.256 words

Blind date AU... Well... Sort of... You'll know when you read it hehe but honestly so so sweet with a bit of angst but so much fluff!

My Only Wish (This Year)

7 chapters, 26.374 words

By @dracowillhearaboutthis AU where Henry marries a woman and has two daughters, set 10 years later and Alex and Henry reconnect, and maybe a romance blooms... Of course it does lol very cute kid fic (with a bit of angst too) but still lots of fluff!

Comfort Crowd

8 chapters, 12.098 words

To all the boys I've loved before AU, I don't like the film but since I'm such a sucker for these two of course I read it and got obsessed with it afajsgshsvsg

And they call it—

2 chapters, 10.148 words

By @clottedcreamfudge AU where Alex can talk to animals, so when Henry needs a dog sitter he goes to Alex, and he and David obviously talk about Henry. So funny and fluffy, guaranteed to make you smile!

(do i really have to tell you) how he brought me back to life?

7 chapters, 38.498 words

By @coffeecatsme High school AU where Henry gets kicked out by Mary and lives with Alex's family. A whole lot of angst and a whole lot of fluff, just a superb story!

I'm Taking A Ride With My Best Friend

23 chapters, 79.302 words

By @cultofsappho The Last of Us AU where Henry is immune and Alex helps him get to the fireflies in hopes to create a vaccine. If you've watched the tv show or played the game, you know how this goes lol could not recommend it enough, so much angsty but has fluffy moments too! And the writing is impeccable

i'd lie

6 chapters, 18.058 words

AU where Alex and June move to England with thier mum and have the Fox family as their neighbours, we see the super six throughout the years and how Henry lies might not work anymore... If you want angst, this is the fic for you

ONE SHOT

talk too much

3.307 words

By @lazybug16 Alex has his wisdom teeth removed and Henry takes care of him, just fluff fluff fluff, super adorable (yes self promo because I'm very proud of this fic, I love it)

I trace your constellations

13.498 words

Soulmates, coffee shops and demi Henry AU, just pure flirting and fluff, suuuuuuper cute read!

Never Truly Leave

2.443 words

By @clottedcreamfudge Catherine finds a letter that Arthur wrote... To Alex. We cry alongside Alex as he reads it; very emotional, it will make you cry, and fall in love with these characters all over again, could not recommend enough

you knew the entire time (you knew that i'm a mastermind)

8.239 words

By @coffeecatsme Uni and autistic Henry AU, we see Alex and Henry fall in love. Fluffy but also a bit of angst, you just want to protect Henry and tell him everything is going to be okay

starry eyes sparking up my darkest nights

16.367 words

By @coffeecatsme Hugh school AU where Arthur is also alive and becomes like a second father to Alex. Very very sweet with a bit if angst as well, you'll love it and might have a few happy tears towards the end

learning to love (without it having to hurt)

4.861 words

AU where they aren't famous and they are roommates. We see Henry figure out his asexuality and Alex be there for him, and them getting together of course :) very very sweet read!

The last letter

2.173 words

By @floatingaway4 They are in the afterlife, at peace. This weiter managed to combine angst and fluff at the exact same time and I don't know how they did it, it will make you ugly happy cry!

Fourty-Four Days

8.675 words

They are living in the Brownstone when Henry needs to go to europe for the shelters and Alex to California for a campaign, and they end up not seeing each other for 44 days, and it's too much. Angsty but then fluffy, it just hurts seeing them miss each other so so much

take me out, and take me home

11.837 words

Roommates AU and we see Alex get some feelings, only friendly feelings of course... Really cute story and ending!

i’d take the bomb in your head and disarm it

22.392 words

By @evanbuvkley roommates AU and friends to angsty friends to lovers afahsgsjshdj so much angst that you might cry but a bit of fluff too (happy ending don't worry) such an engaging story, very well executed

and I wrote down our song

6.072 words

AU where Alex is a musician and Henry isn't a prince and they meet at a bar where Alex is performing. Super cute and we see how they fall in love and grow and it's just full of joy!

Group therapy

3.243 words

By @stutteringpeach AU where Ellen is Henrys therapist and he is dating Alex and talks to Ellen about their relationship, without knowing that it's actually his boyfriends mum... They "meet" at a family cook out and its honestly hilarious lmao you will not stop laughing

#I made this draft on this blog cause I started it before I made my rwrb blog lol #rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb fic #red white and royal blue fic #firstprince #mine #queue

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gunilslaugh · 8 months

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Can I request reader treating boyfriend XH like a puppy almost ik that sounds weird but I mean Like always making sure they drink water, feeding them, patting there head, booping their nose ykwim :p? Cuz honestly they all have golden retriever boyfriend energy to me I wanna take care of them HDJFHHFHFJ

Not gonna lie I read the first sentence and was a little off-put, but then I finished reading and understood what you meant. I hope you enjoy!

All members ß • 3 • ß

Summary: Xdinary Heroes reaction to you treating them in a puppy-like way.

WC:869

Warning:none

photo not mine credits to owner.

Gunil

Gunil likes to act like he has this macho man image, so when you pat his head telling him how cute he is he pushes your hand away in defense.

“I’m not cute. Look at all these muscles.” He flexes one of his arms and pats his bicep. “I’m a man,” he states proudly. Only to have you boop his nose in return.

“A very cute man,” you smiled. Gunil sighs. He wants to be the one to take care of you, but you seem to be adamant about taking care of him. Always making sure that he eats and drinks plenty of water. Don’t get Gunil wrong, he appreciates it, but he has this bit of pride that makes it hard for him to let you look after him. He secretly loves it when you boop his nose though.

Jungsu

Jungsu got so flustered the first time you booped his nose. He didn’t know what to do. Chuckling awkwardly as he turned a shade of pink.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“You looked too adorable not too,” you told him. He has since gotten used to you doing this action. His nose crinkles up each time you do so. Jungsu is always grateful whenever you hand him a water bottle after practice or text him during the day asking about if he has eaten. He doesn’t mind you treating him in a puppy-like way unless you do in front of the members then he becomes very embarrassed. He asks you to keep it more behind closed doors. At the end of a long day he loves cuddling up next to you as you stroke his hair.

Gaon/Jiseok

“Stop patting my head like I’m a dog.” Jiseok swats your hand away from his head.

“I’m sorry I can’t help it, you give off golden retriever energy,” you say.

“What does that even mean?” he laughs.

“It means I want to take care of you,” you explained. Encasing him in an overly affectionate hug. Jiseok hugs you back, but also rolls his eyes as if you’re being a bit ridiculous. He finds that he quite likes you taking care of him. Sometimes he thinks you’re being a bit much, although he still likes the feeling of you looking out for him. When you boop his nose or pat his head he gives you a judgemental look, however he secretly likes it. If you haven’t done it in a while he tries to think of a subtle way to get you to do it.

O.de/Seungmin

He doesn’t really notice that you treat him in a puppy-like way at first. He just thought that head pats and nose booping were your preferred ways of showing affection. He didn’t even connect those actions to the way you cared about him drinking enough water and having good meals either. It wasn’t until his members brought it up that he realized it.

“Y’know it’s kinda funny how y/n treats you a bit like you're a puppy,” Jooyeon said.

“What do you mean?” Seungmin questions.

“Dude, you seriously haven’t noticed? The head pats, the nose boops, cooing at how cute you are,” Hyeongjun listed. That’s when Seungmin noticed that you did take care of him as if he was a puppy. He doesn’t mind it though. It’s not like you do it in a weird way. You do it in a caring way, so he’s ok with it.

Junhan/Hyeongjun

“You’re so cute Hyeongjunie,” you said after giving him a water bottle. One of your hands makes its way to ruffle his hair. A blush paints its way onto his cheeks. Compliments always made him a bit shy.

“Thanks,” he says bashfully, looking down at the guitar in his lap. You couldn’t help but boop his nose before leaving him to practice in peace. Your nose booping added to the blush on his cheeks, making it become a deeper shade. He’s aware of the puppy-like nature you treat him in and it does make him a little shy, but at the same time, although he won’t admit it out loud, he likes it. He feels well cared for and loved. Some days it bothers him a little bit and he’ll ask you to turn it down.

Jooyeon

Jooyeon is currently napping with his head in your lap after horsing around. Your hand carded through his hair as he slept and he nuzzled closer to your touch.

“You really are like a puppy,” you stated. That’s why you couldn’t help, but take care of him. Making sure that he eats well and drinks enough water. Always feeding him a bit of your food whenever you two eat together. When he comes to you excited about something you can’t fight off the urge to pat his head. Often booping his nose just because you find him cute. Jooyeon loves the affections you give him. His heart warms whenever your hand finds its way to his head and flutters when your finger lands on his nose. He’s so happy to have you care about him. Will say comments like, “I’m not a dog.” Then get upset when you don’t give him head pats.

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pinkrose05 · 2 months

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chcharacter opinion bingo on my favorite hsr ice boys

yanqing & misha

I think we should put these two on a team and call it "ice ice baby".

Look at my little dudes!!!

1) Misha is a recent favorite of mine, even though I had my eye on him since he first showed up in leaks. He's just a sweet little nerd doing his best and chilling around.... well, and also having a crapton of foreboding story implications, but shhhhhhhh don't worry about it!

His character stories and animations are insanely adorable also. I love this little guy and I wish him much happiness and peace (and also maybe a visit to the Express at one point)!

2) Yanqing!! My beloved idiot who I've been missing since he stopped showing up every patch!!

I'll admit I didn't care much for Yanqing before the game's release.... but then I got him as my first 5 star on day 1, and he immediately stapled himself to the fave list! This dork and his funny flying swords carried me for a solid 2 patches, and are still chipping in every now and then when refrigeration is required!

Gameplay aside... I'm honestly really sad about how his character is handled most of the time. There are highlights like the end of his companion mission and his segment in Foxian Tale of The Haunted, but otherwise, Yanqing is there for the sake of being there, or he's there and acting unusually out of character to prop up someone else. It's really annoying, honestly. Messes up what would otherwise be very great scenes for Yanqing and everyone else involved. I'm glad they're starting to depart from that (see once again: Foxian Tale. God, I loved his part in it so much).

#thanks for the ask firefly! much appreciated #drawing these scrimblos was a real blast!! :D #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr yanqing #hsr misha #pink's answers

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thestargirlfromoon · 1 year

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I have a request if that’s okay. What about Jumin, Zen and GE Saeran reacting to their lonely female mc wanting more love and affection because the rfa members were busy? Like, feeling spoiled, wanting them to pepper her face with kisses, cuddle her and tickle her. (non sexual fluff please)

Hii, of course it's okay, requests and asks are very welcome!^^

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Let's start with Jumin:

Jumin honestly loves it the most when Mc feels a little needy because he loves to pamper you in every way.Jumin is a busy man but after noticing that you seemed down and lonely lately he decided to set aside a day to take a break from his work to give you more attention, he was looking forward to spending more time with you, even more so when the opportunity to pamper you came up.

After seeing the smile that appeared on your face after he told you that he had planned in detail how the two of you would spend a productive day together as a couple, he shower you with quiet, gentle kisses.In the evening he prepare an overly fancy dinner for you and kiss your hand several times looking into your eyes with a small smile.When it was time to go to sleep he will make sure to stay by your side reading books and telling you stories until you fell asleep. Don't be surprised if in the next day he shows you a blurry photo he took of you while you were asleep and telling you how lovely you are, thus starting a new session of kissing.

Saeran:

He gets a little sad when you are feeling lonely because he knows the feeling very well since before he met you he was very lonely,

Saeran pays a lot of attention to you so he quickly noticed that you feel a bit needy when RFA is busy as you have no one to talk to and need attention and affection, he would make sure to spend the day by your side and whisper a lot of loving and corny things while hugging you.

He would start with a cuddling session for quite a while while repeatedly stating how much he loves you and doesn't want you to forget this even when you are feeling lonely.Since Saeran wants to create many memories with you, after the hugging session, he decides to take you to a park full of flowers for the two of you to spend a good time together.He ask you to lie down on the grass next to him so you two can watch the sky together with your head resting on his chest. When you ended up falling asleep he watch your peaceful face giving you a little kiss on the forehead and turning back to look at the sky with a grateful smile for having you in his life while holding you even tighter.

When he finally wakes you up, he gives you a small bouquet of flowers smiling and blushing.

Zen:

Zen is kind of possesive and deep down he would like him to be the only man you have contact with so he would see this moment as an opportunity to show you how much he loves you and that he is the most suitable man for you and you two are made for each other but regardless of everything he wants you to be happy and feel adored.

First of all he ask you what's wrong after seeing you a little gloomy and when you admit that you feel lonely because all the RFA is so busy lately, he would hug you saying that you have him and that he will always be available for you.

He go to his room to get all the beauty products he has and then come over to you who were sitting on the couch and ask you if you want to do skin care together with him.

After using face masks together and various other products, he even lets you do his makeup and paint his nails for his amusement.

Although you did a funny make-up and made a mess on his face to play with him, he just laugh and let it go this time since you seem to be enjoying yourself.

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hamliet · 1 year

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Never Have I Ever... Been So Grateful For a Show

Well, NHIE finished strong after the fourth season got off to a rocky start. The first three episodes were... messy, honestly, but then the story picked up steam. By the time we got to the final two episodes I was bawling pretty much the full way through.

NHIE also continued to flex its mature understanding of nuance, its appreciation for cultural differences, and its determination to keep its characters flawed and realistic. And including a game of Never Have I Ever in the finale? Fab.

All in all, it's a great ending to a great show. I loved it.

Ben and Devi

I've seen people complaining that the end relationship was predictable, or that Devi should be single, and kindly: no. <3

It fit Devi's character to end up in romantic love with someone, because the entire show has been about love for her. Love for her family, love for those who have died, love for her friends, love for her mentors, and yes, romantic love in all the aspects that entails (physical, intellectual, emotional).

The other thing that I think is beautiful about their relationship is that they both push each other in all these ways--physical (obviously), emotionally (Ben's final realization in New York was chef's kiss), and intellectual. They both get to go to their dream schools in part because of each other. Not only have they been pushing each other to excel since before the show started, but Devi helps Ben finish his schoolwork, and Ben encourages Devi to write that final letter to get into Princeton.

Ben's early acceptance to Columbia, which seemed a given given, well, his father and nepotism (I appreciated the show behind upfront about this), ultimately still almost gets sabotaged by his own repressing of other aspects of his life (which parallels Paxton, Blair Quan, and more, and isn't exactly new--see Ben's physical issues last season). This contrasts him with Devi, whose self-sabotage is always doing too much too suddenly. She's been trying so hard all along, but sometimes you need a final cheer to push you over the finish line.

Ben and Devi, Ethan and Margot

Ethan is dark!Ben. Margot is dark!Devi. On paper it's great.

Except... Margot was really, really annoying. I'm sorry, I found nothing remotely redeeming about her. Ethan at least served a purpose. The reason I think the first three episodes are so rough is that they focus on Margot but seem to not know what to do with her. But more about that later on.

Ben's speech about why he chooses to be with Margot in the first episode is well done and shows how much growth he still has to do. Because an essential part of love--of a mature kind of love and relationship--is that you are challenged to become a better version of yourself. Ben and Trent, in episode 2, shy away from this. Trent breaks up with Eleanor because he's afraid she'll break up with him, and he wants to do it first. Ben stays with Margot because she offers him superficial challenges, but nothing substantial in terms of his flaws.

That said, Devi making peace with Margot (numerous times) was narratively necessary because, of course, Margot's kind of a literary shadow (just not really well done). It also showed how much Devi's grown.

Trent + Eleanor

Trent's character is also really well done. That's how you deepen a comedic character. (Ethan was also dark!Trent in some ways; hence, Eleanor's crush on him.) Yeah, Trent's a stoner and not so bright. But, he loves Eleanor. He adores her, and he wholeheartedly believes in her. It's heartwarming to see.

I wasn't surprised they broke up early on, but was relieved they got back together. I think it was a funny inversion of what you'd expect, because El moving on to bigger and better things seemed like a natural progression. Yet, as the scene with El's mom showed... that's not what bigger and better is for Eleanor.

Yes, Eleanor still wants to grow. Yes, she still wants to be an actress and a director, and she's good at it.

But she doesn't want to leave her family and loved ones behind.

Eleanor knows what it's like to be left behind. And obviously it's not the same to leave a teenage boyfriend as to leave your own child like her mom. But, Eleanor ending up back with Trent was, frankly, narratively perfect for both their characters. Because Trent was helping her in her growth, and always had been from Season 3.

I also think they handled Eleanor's dreams and her complicated mother relationship well. The dream itself, even if it is far-fetched, even if it is unlikely to happen, is not bad. Pursuing it also is, in fact, positive (they paralleled this with Devi's dreams of Princeton). But, one of the best parts of dreams? Is the people you meet along the way, the people who cheer you on. It's a metaphor for life.

Paxton (and Lindsay)

Paxton's arc I think is one of the best in the series. I loved his journey from boy who was considered "hot guy" who sucked at school to the point where it was comic becoming a teacher. The episode where he helped Eric join the swim team was actually really powerful.

And, I didn't even roll my eyes when Devi told him he was an even better friend than boyfriend. On paper it's a cliche line, but it totally works within the characters' arcs (and of course the actors' portrayals!). Lindsay also seemed like much more than just a consolation prize to the guy who ends up outside the triangle--their relationship paralleled his with Devi, and quickly got me invested.

His final advice to Devi: "don't reinvent anything" also fits really well, because when Paxton at first refused to be Devi's boyfriend it was because Devi's image wasn't acceptable after the two-timing thing. Then, Devi's anxiety during their public relationship, the anxiety that actually ruined their romance, was because she didn't think she fit with Paxton or "made any sense" with him. But, she does fit with him. As a friend, and as herself.

Blair Quan + College

Blair Quan was also dark!Paxton--someone who lost themselves because they were always the Best in high school. The best student, the most popular. And then at college, everyone was the Best. And suddenly you're nothing.

The situation with Blair Quan was really realistic for how college can be for people, and in how the show (admittedly briefly) addressed the fundamental unfairness of college admissions. I work in higher ed, and... it's not fair. Nothing about it is fair. Professor Warner telling Devi outright that she "should have" gotten into all the Ivies actually meant a lot to me, because it's true.

For any readers of this who are applying to schools, there's a degree to which your merit matters, and there's a degree to which it's up to sheer luck. If they reject you, it's almost certainly not because you're not on par with other applicants. Hard work does not get you into prestigious schools. That's a lie. It gets you to a point, but it also gets a lot of other people to that same point, and then there is nothing at all you can do. It's up to luck.

Fab (and Addison. Kind of).

Fab's arc was interesting, but I feel like it peaked in season 2. I did like her conflict this season though, particularly with messing up about lying to Devi. The scene where she and Devi reconcile was beautiful, and the show handled it really well--giving empathy for Fab as for why she kept it a secret, while also pointing out that the lying was the fact greater problem than the initial applying.

The negative is that... I like Addison, but I wanted more. It kind of sucks that the queer character is the one whose romance doesn't come with two complex characters getting development. And sure, Fab isn't as important as Devi, Ben, or Paxton, but the fact that they wrote a compelling romance between Trent and Eleanor and gave Trent some damn deep character development despite him being a comedic character shows they were more than capable of writing a complex character romance for Fab. Addison is really just... kinda there, and we get no development for them at all. Which sucks because I would like to have learned more about them! They had potential, especially as a parallel to Trent!

Nalini and Andres

Nalini and Andres were a little more out of left field... that said, Nalini clearly has a type! She likes guys whom she argues with first. I still preferred the hot doctor from Season 2, but that had less to do with Andres and more to do with the fact that I found Margot so irredeemably annoying. Still, I appreciated Andres' growth in realizing that he'd been spoiling Margot by catering to her every whim. This was itself a nice contrast to Nalini, who hurts Devi by being too hard on her.

That was especially a flaw in the early seasons, but Season 4 really showed how much Nalini has grown. She does mess up with her response to the college debacle, so her flaws are still there, but she's so much better than in Season 1. For example, Devi lashing out at her mom after she got deferred was irrational; Nalini really didn't deserve any of that, and yet Nalini still met Devi where she was at: with a chip salad, addressing her fears. It was heartwarming.

Even when Nalini then does mess up with the "stupid" comment, we know she didn't mean it in the same way Devi fears she did (that that's all she can be, rather than that yes, Devi did a dumb thing). When she comes to help Devi pack, it's genuinely heartwarming. I honestly think Nalini and Devi's relationship is one of the best in the show, if not the beating heart at the center of it.

Pati and Len

Now, Pati. Pati and Lens' relationship parallels Kamala's romantic drama--not just with Manish in Season 3, but also with Steve in Season 1. Pati is also very clearly where Devi gets her drama from, and I stan.

I also liked the parallels between Len and Pati and Ben and Devi. They are both Indian-Jewish couples, and Pati and Len's wedding of course marks a grand romance for them... and a grand romantic gesture for Ben, who arrives to tell Devi he loves her.

Kamala (and Manish)

Kamala's arc this season was good as well; I just wish we had seen more Manish than just in the finale. Still, at least Manish did have an arc in the previous season. Though, it was a nice twist to have Kamala's arc be not about romance, but about her career.

Where Art Thou?

I also missed some other side characters, like Rebecca Hall-Yoshida and Jonah.

Margot & Aneesa

The overall show was filled with callbacks to past seasons that were really well utilized, in that they showed the character's growth. Unfortunately, in one instance, this came back for the worse when they repeated one of their biggest writing mistakes from Season 2.

Devi is, simply put, absolutely not morally responsible for reporting Margot to have lied about her alibi for vandalism. Yeah, Margot ultimately didn't do it--but Devi didn't do anything wrong by reporting that. In fact, the principal should have actually done her job and checked the alibi with the teacher; it's like 101 common sense.

Clearly this is a callback to Aneesa (the episode even has Devi reclaiming the nickname "crazy Devi," which started there). However, the shame is that the writers didn't learn from how they bungled the Aneesa plotline, and they did. Here again they hold Devi responsible for something she frankly is not morally in the wrong for. The show also mentions the Aneesa incident and calls Devi "a liar and a bully" for it, but she objectively didn't lie? And frankly Aneesa bullied Devi more than Devi bullied her and was never called out for it.

While I think it's a flaw, it COULD theoretically work from a psychoanalytic theory in that really all that Devi can control is herself. She can't force others to do what she wants, even if it's unfair. And that's part of maturing is realizing that (and it's not the same thing as selfish focus). You can't control the world, even when it's unfair and even when other people are frankly wrong.

I did like more or less how Margot was resolved in the end; namely, that she was not there among Devi's friends at the end. I also liked that Aneesa did defend Devi in the final episode from someone mocking her about the Clean Sweep. It just would've matter more if Aneesa's actions had ever been addressed.

The Principal + Professor Warner

Also, while in general the show is great in its portrayal of teachers and satire of other teachers, the principal sucks and she's not actually funny. She acts like another teenager, but unlike some of the other teachers/adults who are framed well, she's framed as being more or less fine instead of with the critical lens of the others. And she isn't.

Professor Warner stands in stark contrast, because she is wise even though flawed. The principal is just... awful. I'd never liked her, but this season made me hate her.

The Therapist + Grief

Now that I've gotten my salt out of the way, let's end with a positive and a theme.

The therapist's final session with Devi in the penultimate episode--I bawled.

“When I first met you, you were a closed-off, angry little thing... But look at you. Look how far you’ve come. You faced your trauma, and you came out on the other side.”

They used this to emphasize the show's main theme: grief. Despite how this quote makes it sound, the show doesn't actually frame grief as something to move on from. Instead, it's something that accompanies you.

Grief is like chasing a dream. Grief is part of life. It is love itself, but a painful part of it, and grief never, ever stops. You never "get over" someone's loss. You never stop loving them.

But, you learn to see them around you, and in you. In the dreams you planted together, like Devi's dad telling her about Princeton. In the loved ones you shared, like how Devi yells at her imagination of her father that he's not here, but then Nalini arrives to help her pack.

Just because someone's gone doesn't mean they stop influencing you, or stop being a part of your life.

There will always be moments of pain, like Devi in the final episode with the imagination of her dad. But, there will also be moments of feeling them again.

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