#homemaking resources

[samwisethewitch]

Homemaking, gardening, and self-sufficiency resources that won't radicalize you into a hate group

It seems like self-sufficiency and homemaking skills are blowing up right now. With the COVID-19 pandemic and the current economic crisis, a lot of folks, especially young people, are looking to develop skills that will help them be a little bit less dependent on our consumerist economy. And I think that's generally a good thing. I think more of us should know how to cook a meal from scratch, grow our own vegetables, and mend our own clothes. Those are good skills to have.

Unfortunately, these "self-sufficiency" skills are often used as a recruiting tactic by white supremacists, TERFs, and other hate groups. They become a way to reconnect to or relive the "good old days," a romanticized (false) past before modern society and civil rights. And for a lot of people, these skills are inseparably connected to their politics and may even be used as a tool to indoctrinate new people.

In the spirit of building safe communities, here's a complete list of the safe resources I've found for learning homemaking, gardening, and related skills. Safe for me means queer- and trans-friendly, inclusive of different races and cultures, does not contain Christian preaching, and does not contain white supremacist or TERF dog whistles.

Homemaking/Housekeeping/Caring for your home:

Making It by Kelly Coyne and Erik Knutzen [book] (The big crunchy household DIY book; includes every level of self-sufficiency from making your own toothpaste and laundry soap to setting up raised beds to butchering a chicken. Authors are explicitly left-leaning.)

Safe and Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair by Mercury Stardust [book] (A guide to simple home repair tasks, written with rentals in mind; very compassionate and accessible language.)

How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis [book] (The book about cleaning and housework for people who get overwhelmed by cleaning and housework, based on the premise that messiness is not a moral failing; disability and neurodivergence friendly; genuinely changed how I approach cleaning tasks.)

Gardening

Rebel Gardening by Alessandro Vitale [book] (Really great introduction to urban gardening; explicitly discusses renter-friendly garden designs in small spaces; lots of DIY solutions using recycled materials; note that the author lives in England, so check if plants are invasive in your area before putting them in the ground.)

Country/Rural Living:

Woodsqueer by Gretchen Legler [book] (Memoir of a lesbian who lives and works on a rural farm in Maine with her wife; does a good job of showing what it's like to be queer in a rural space; CW for mentions of domestic violence, infidelity/cheating, and internalized homophobia)

"Debunking the Off-Grid Fantasy" by Maggie Mae Fish [video essay] (Deconstructs the off-grid lifestyle and the myth of self-reliance)

Sewing/Mending:

Annika Victoria [YouTube channel] (No longer active, but their videos are still a great resource for anyone learning to sew; check out the beginner project playlist to start. This is where I learned a lot of what I know about sewing.)

Make, Sew, and Mend by Bernadette Banner [book] (A very thorough written introduction to hand-sewing, written by a clothing historian; lots of fun garment history facts; explicitly inclusive of BIPOC, queer, and trans sewists.)

Sustainability/Land Stewardship

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer [book] (Most of you have probably already read this one or had it recommended to you, but it really is that good; excellent example of how traditional animist beliefs -- in this case, indigenous American beliefs -- can exist in healthy symbiosis with science; more philosophy than how-to, but a great foundational resource.)

Wild Witchcraft by Rebecca Beyer [book] (This one is for my fellow witches; one of my favorite witchcraft books, and an excellent example of a place-based practice deeply rooted in the land.)

Avoiding the "Crunchy to Alt Right Pipeline"

Note: the "crunchy to alt-right pipeline" is a term used to describe how white supremacists and other far right groups use "crunchy" spaces (i.e., spaces dedicated to farming, homemaking, alternative medicine, simple living/slow living, etc.) to recruit and indoctrinate people into their movements. Knowing how this recruitment works can help you recognize it when you do encounter it and avoid being influenced by it.

"The Crunchy-to-Alt-Right Pipeline" by Kathleen Belew [magazine article] (Good, short introduction to this issue and its history.)

Sisters in Hate by Seyward Darby (I feel like I need to give a content warning: this book contains explicit descriptions of racism, white supremacy, and Neo Nazis, and it's a very difficult read, but it really is a great, in-depth breakdown of the role women play in the alt-right; also explicitly addresses the crunchy to alt-right pipeline.)

These are just the resources I've personally found helpful, so if anyone else has any they want to add, please, please do!

#homemaking #homemaking resources #gardening #urban gardening #self sufficiency #self sufficient living #sustainability #sustainable living #homesteading #nontrad homemaker #nontrad housewife #urban homesteading #solarpunk #cottagecore #kitchen witch #kitchen witchcraft #crunchy to alt right pipeline #book rec #book recommendations #resource #long post #mine #racism tw #racism mention #transphobia tw #transphobia mention

[lightthewaybackhome]

#farm fresh eggs #gotta love a local resource #nature #look at that olive colored one #and a blue one #and that rich brown #homemaking #domestic artist #hearthkeeper #tending hearth and home #lighting the way back home

[dwellordream]

"she's patriarchy-pilled" and why it doesn't apply to fictious pseudo-medieval women

a pretty common meta commentary leveled at certain female characters in ASOIAF is that you can divide the women of the setting into two groups.

the first group is full of strong feminist women who resist the patriarchy in all corners, and who refuse to submit to victimhood. the second group is full of placid, smug sheep, who enjoy being weak and condescended to by men.

reasons why this is bullshit:

comparisons between modern day 'trad wives' or 'red pilled women' who advocate for rejecting feminism and returning to lives of happy homemaking and female submission and fictional characters living in a pseudo medieval world just... don't work well.

Westeros has never had a feminist movement. there is no sense of 'getting back to tradition' because they are still living in a feudal patriarchy. while internalized misogyny can still be displayed in the books, and women certainly judge other women, these characters aren't actually 'rejecting their own freedom', because they quite literally have no choice in the matter.

for example, while a woman in 21st century America might willingly quit her job or drop out of school for a relationship with a man, a female character like Catelyn or Alicent or Cersei... isn't actually sacrificing hopes of a career or an education. they are being shunted down a path with little to no alternatives.

sometimes fans go "well, they could have run away! they could have joined the Faith?" how? with what money and resources? who is going to protect them on the road? how are they going to subvert the will of their fathers/brothers/etc?

don't get me wrong. there are absolutely unironic examples of internalized misogyny in ASOIAF. Cersei, for example, spends much of her time sneering at and degrading other women for being victims or weak-willed. HOWEVER, what many fans don't seem to grasp, is that being sexist towards other women doesn't magically make Cersei 'win' at the patriarchy. she herself is still abused, demeaned, and used as a political pawn, well into her tenure as Queen Regent.

in the endless battle of Sansa versus Arya stans, for example, Sansa stans will often claim that Arya is 'not a victim' and 'deserves less sympathy than Sansa', because Arya for a time is treated as a young boy and has training with a sword. yet this ignores the fact that Arya is still constantly threatened with or exposed to sexual violence, even while masquerading as a boy, and while she can defend herself in some instances, is far from this super-powered action chick on a 'fun road trip in the Riverlands'.

conversely, Arya stans will insinuate that Sansa 'deserves less sympathy than Arya' because 'being at court is what she always wanted' and 'the patriarchy favors her due to her self-serving, submissive ways'. yet this ignores the fact that while Sansa has more material privileges than Arya, being afforded regular meals, a soft place to sleep, and the veneer of civility, she is still regularly viciously abused by Joffrey and his Kingsguard, and ostracized and isolated from the rest of the court. Sansa's not winning any competition here.

to move on to Catelyn, many of Catelyn's proud 'antis' will claim that Catelyn is a woman who willingly and knowingly profits off the patriarchy while condemning women who do not fit that mold. yet while Catelyn and Arya's relationship is complex, we also see Catelyn treat Brienne and the Mormont women, all female warriors, with warmth and kindness, and there is an underlying current of resentment and anger in her chapters towards the men in her life, even though she is in many ways the 'ideal Westeros wife'.

finally, to dabble briefly in HOTD, Rhaenyra and Alicent's different reactions to the prospect of marriage and motherhood are often compared to triumph Rhaenyra's strong will and sense of rebellion. while Rhaenyra's determination to choose her own spouse and her disregard for the ridiculous notion of 'virginity' should be admired, she is also actively groomed by her uncle, a man thrice her age, and she ultimately does agree to an arranged marriage with Laenor.

meanwhile, Alicent is often derided by fans for 'allowing herself to be used as a pawn', yet this ignores the fact that Alicent is a 14/15 year old girl with no incomes or property of her own, who does not even have the threat of a dragon to demand respect. what was Alicent meant to do? kick and scream as she was dragged down the aisle? defy her father and the King, and be, best case scenario, permanently ostracized from court and her family for it? this sort of blatant victim-blaming dominates in the tumblr HOTD fandom.

in conclusion: to claim that women play no role in promulgating patriarchal and misogynistic views is silly.

women do play an active role in shaming and abusing other women, and this is often handed down from mothers to daughters. it allows patriarchs the veneer of genteel nature, in that the 'dirty work' of berating young girls for not conforming is passed off on mothers, sisters, and aunts.

however, in fandom discussions, the the woobification of male characters is so strong that we spend most of our time blaming women alone for patriarchal restrictions and values, as if it were something girls developed in their free time, purely for their own amusement.

to imply that a character in a fictional feudal patriarchy has the same range of choices and autonomy as modern day women do is absurd. the trad-wife movement is defined by its knowing, pseudo-intellectual rejection of second and third wave feminism. the entire point is to turn away from abortion, from birth control, from reproductive and LGBT rights, to leave behind women's suffrage, sex positivity, and criticism of gender roles.

but what do Westerosi women have to 'reject', exactly? they're not playing with the same full deck.

#valyrianscrolls #hotd #gender

[hillbillyoracle]

For those with home related New Years Resolutions:

I’ve been a disabled homemaker for 5 years now so I wanted to share the resources that have helped me take our home from complete chaos to reasonably functional and enjoyable.

If you’re not functioning...

If you’re constantly tripping over things and getting injured, eating food that makes you sick, dealing with pests in the home, and struggling to complete basic tasks like feeding, clothing, and bathing yourself, then you should start with...

KC Davis aka StruggleCare aka DomesticBlisters

TikTok

Book

Podcast

Website

I recommend KC Davis’s stuff with a big heaping dose of “keep what works and leave what doesn’t.” She’s one of the few people I’ve seen talking about compassionate care focused on maintaining a level of personal functioning rather than maintaining a home. Her stuff has been very helpful to me during some very challenging times. 

I think her some of her best work is probably her videos on the 5 step tidying process, the ones on setting up bedside hygiene and food kits, and the ones on dealing with DOOM (Didn’t Organize Only Moved) boxes. 

That being said she has a tendency to use neurotype as a shield for not reckoning with other dynamics in a situation (gendered, narcissism, etc) when asked for advice by viewers which can lead to this “all people with neurodivergence are good” vibe which I find off putting (especially as an autistic person). I mention it because her bleh stuff was all I was coming across and I missed out on her good stuff for a while. It’s worth picking through though. 

Her book is a little better on the whole. 

If you’re functioning but still very overwhelmed...

If you can complete your daily activities of living pretty regularly but you’re still losing papers you need, rebuying items you didn’t realize you had, or looking around your home at a mess that feels impossible to clean, then check out...

Dana K White aka A Slob Comes Clean

YouTube

Website

Podcast

Books

I love Dana K. White’s stuff. Honestly, I recommend her to every level on this list but I think she probably shines brightest in this category. 

Her 5 step decluttering process is pure fucking gold. It’s a decluttering process that doesn’t rely on feelings at all - really helpful for those with trauma or alexthymia generally. She has multiple videos explaining it and even more where you can watch her go step by step with someone over the course of an hour and make a huge dent in some very overwhelming mess. Its the process I’ve used to go through over 50 moving boxes to declutter so we could fit in this much smaller space we moved to in April. 

Her day to day cleaning advice is also excellent. Her concept of dishes math has really helped me make decisions about what chores to focus on when I’m low energy. Her 14 Days to Opening Your Front Door series is amazing if you’re having to host for a given occasion but your home is a wreck. 

If you’re not painfully overwhelmed by your stuff but there’s still a lot of friction in your home...

If your stuff doesn’t overwhelm you but your home still doesn’t feel that good to be in, you’re still not finding things when you need to or it’s taking you a long time to find them, you create homes for things but they look terrible or they never seem to stick, then you’d love...

Cassandra Aarssen aka Clutterbug

YouTube

Books

Website

Podcast

Clutterbug types were kind of a game changer for me. It’s what really opened my eyes to why the systems that worked for me did not work for my partner. She is a Bee - lots of small categories that are all very visible - and I am a ladybug - big bucket categories that aren’t visible. When I reorganized our space according to the compromise between our types, Butterfly - big categories and very visible - all of a sudden the systems just worked so much better. There were many fewer fights sparked by things not getting put away or not being able to find things. So I really recommend her videos on the different types and examples of each. 

Quick word of warning, she does have regular videos about diet and exercise that I personally find pretty triggering to my disordered eating habits so I’m not subscribed to her and just check her channels every now and then so it’s easier to skip over videos where that might be a topic she talks about. 

Cliff Tan aka Dear Modern

TikTok

YouTube

Website

Book

Cliff Tan’s work is the most recent of these resources that I’ve come across but holy shit I cannot recommend it enough. 

Because my parents didn’t originally intend on my partner using the room she wound up using, there’s simply not space to keep some of the furniture and items in there anywhere else. Meaning she just kind of has to keep a fair bit of junk in there. But after watching (read: binging) the Dear Modern YouTube channel and seeing him completely change spaces by moving furniture around, I redid my partners room over the course of about 2 hours and it’s a completely different room. Way more comfortable and she’s already mentioned she’s getting much better sleep. 

So I really really recommend his stuff. Sometimes what you really need isn’t new stuff but just rearranging what you already have. 

If you’re pretty content with your home but want to streamline the process of caring for it...

If your home is pretty functional but regular tidying, deep cleaning, and maintenance tasks specifically keep falling through the cracks, then you might like...

FlyLady System

Website

The Secret Slob - YouTube

Diane in Denmark - YouTube

There are lots of systems out there for house keeping but I’ve yet to try or see one that seems to do better than FlyLady for me. Since with my illness my energy varies wildly, I don’t necessarily do things when her system recommends but I do them according to the priority her system ascribes to them as I’m able. 

FlyLady is a notoriously convoluted website so I really recommend learning from a secondhand source. The Secret Slob and Diane in Denmark are my favorites. 

Maintenance Lists

This Old House

There a lots of maintenance lists out there and honestly finding one and doing what you can is better than nothing. I personally like the ones from This Old House because they’re broken up into annual, seasonal, monthly, and some weekly tasks - which are essentially priority categories, similar to FlyLady. I’ve linked the winter one here but there are many others to pick through depending on what you want to work on. 

Bonus: Paper Clutter

My System

Link

This is what I’ve arrived at after years of experimentation. It’s an amalgam of a few different ideas from different systems in one place. I keep mind on my fridge but put yours where ever you’re dumping paper anyways. If you’re in a room or live in a car/backpack - I have ideas on how to organize it for those in this post too. 

Sunday Basket

YouTube Video

The Minimal Mom’s Video

She’s in Her Apron Video

Need something a little more robust? The Sunday Basket is probably be best version of a paper (and other stuff) system I’ve seen. Got something that needs dealt with? Chuck it in the Sunday Basket. The creator also has videos on long term paper storage ideas if that’s something you need as well. But her videos usually run an hour long so I recommend starting with either the Minimal Mom’s video or She’s in Her Apron’s video. 

Bonus: Digital Clutter

PARA System/Building a Second Brain by Tiago Forte

YouTube Channel

Website

Book

Essential Video

The branding on this system can be very productivity tech wonk which is off putting to me but when I finally started hearing what was at the core of it and applying it - my digital life was changed. I’ve linked my absolute favorite video he’s done here. Ignore the bit about it being the last in the series, most of us are already using some note app and if you like it you can always go back and watch the rest. But just applying what’s in that video to your digital systems will make things easier to find. 

Hope this helps someone out there! 

#homemaking #housekeeping #getting your shit together #organizing #adulting #life skills #home #decluttering #studyblr

[themadcapmathematician]

UBI because everyone deserves to have their needs taken care of no matter their demographic or productivity but also UBI bc something no one tells you is almost everyone who doesn't have a full time paying job is simply working one or more full time unpaid jobs

Almost everyone you know who isn't employed, no matter how much society wants you to write them off as lazy or useless, is going to school, managing their health problems (read: practically studying to be a doctor without ever being afforded the luxury of a career), is a craftsman/artisan/musician/writer/etc., is a caretaker for a friend or family member, cares for pets, cares for house plants or a garden, is a homemaker, is a delivery driver, runs errands, volunteers their time to make the world a better place, works constantly to find a job, to fill out government forms and make phone calls, to go to appointments and show up to claim resources, to make sure them and their loved ones are fed, to make sure the bills are sent in on time and the trash is taken out...there's always something to be done for most everyone they just don't get paid for it, their work doesn't exist, they fill this role society would fall apart without or they or someone or something else would simply die without, but they aren't rewarded, they aren't given social power or mobility; society thrives off of their labor going unrecognized and uncompensated and they are left vulnerable to abuse and exploitation and poverty

#madcap rants #anti capitalism #ubi

[hadeantaiga]

Reactive vs Proactive activism.

I had an epiphany in the car today while running errands.

I was thinking about this specifically in context with feminism, and trends I've personally noted. And probably, someone else has already talked about this topic, I'm sure I'm not the first.

I want to preface this with the following: I am not saying that one type of activism is necessarily better or worse. I think they're both necessary in the world we live in.

Reactive activism is activism that happens after a wrong has already taken place. Calling someone out for their sexism, the #MeToo campaign, working at a battered women's shelter, protesting a company that is actively campaigning against abortion rights, teaching classes for men who want to unlearn toxic masculinity - all of these are examples of reactionary activism. Reactionary activism is absolutely necessary. Healing wounds is necessary.

Proactive activism includes things like voting for progressive candidates, offering birth control, raising children outside the influence of misogyny and toxic masculinity so you break the cycle of abuse, going to schools and teaching safe sex, educating people about the lgbtq community, teaching all children homemaking skills, etc. We need proactive activism to stop harm from happening in the first place, and to actually FIX the world around us. Just reacting to harm after the harm is done will never actually heal the world.

And I think some kinds of activism fall into both categories. I think teaching adult men how to be homemakers, for example, can be both reactionary and proactive. It's reactionary because it's repairing the damage done to them in their childhood, and it's proactive because it allows them to be better partners and better parents, preventing future harm. I think a Planned Parenthood clinic is another great example, because it serves folks who want to prevent harm, with birth control and condoms and community education, but it's also there if harm does happen, and can provide abortions and resources for abuse victims and testing and treating STDs.

I think both kinds of activism are necessary.

#activism #feminism

[ezekiel-krishna]

Moon in Different Houses General Observations 💫

Moon in the 1st House

When the Moon is in the 1st house, the native is highly emotional and sensitive. They are deeply connected to their feelings and tend to be moody and changeable. They are also intuitive and empathetic, which makes them good at understanding the emotions of others. However, they can be easily influenced by their surroundings and may struggle with setting boundaries.

Moon in the 2nd House

When the Moon is in the 2nd house, the native is emotionally attached to their possessions and finances. They may have a strong need for security and stability, and may be prone to hoarding. They are also good at managing their resources and may have a talent for making money. However, they may struggle with letting go of things that no longer serve them.

Moon in the 3rd House

When the Moon is in the 3rd house, the native is highly communicative and expressive. They have a talent for writing, speaking, and teaching. They are also deeply connected to their siblings and may have a close relationship with them. However, they may struggle with being too emotional in their communication and may need to learn how to be more objective.

Moon in the 4th House

When the Moon is in the 4th house, the native is deeply connected to their family and home. They may have a strong need for emotional security and may be very attached to their childhood memories. They are also nurturing and caring, and may have a talent for cooking and homemaking. However, they may struggle with being too dependent on their family and may need to learn how to be more independent.

Moon in the 5th House

When the Moon is in the 5th house, the native is highly creative and expressive. They have a talent for art, music, and drama. They are also deeply connected to their children and may have a close relationship with them. However, they may struggle with being too emotional in their relationships and may need to learn how to be more detached.

Moon in the 6th House

When the Moon is in the 6th house, the native is highly sensitive to their health and well-being. They may have a talent for healing and may be drawn to careers in healthcare. They are also highly organized and may have a talent for managing their time and resources. However, they may struggle with being too critical of themselves and may need to learn how to be more self-compassionate.

Moon in the 7th House

When the Moon is in the 7th house, the native is highly emotional in their relationships. They may have a strong need for partnership and may be drawn to romantic relationships. They are also highly empathetic and may be good at understanding the emotions of others. However, they may struggle with being too dependent on their partners and may need to learn how to be more independent.

Moon in the 8th House

When the Moon is in the 8th house, the native is highly intuitive and psychic. They may have a talent for divination and may be drawn to occult practices. They are also deeply connected to their sexuality and may have a strong need for intimacy. However, they may struggle with being too possessive in their relationships and may need to learn how to let go.

Moon in the 9th House

When the Moon is in the 9th house, the native is highly philosophical and spiritual. They may have a talent for teaching and may be drawn to careers in education. They are also deeply connected to their beliefs and may have a strong need for meaning and purpose. However, they may struggle with being too dogmatic in their beliefs and may need to learn how to be more open-minded.

Moon in the 10th House

When the Moon is in the 10th house, the native is highly ambitious and driven. They may have a talent for leadership and may be drawn to careers in politics or business. They are also deeply connected to their reputation and may have a strong need for recognition and success. However, they may struggle with being too emotionally detached in their careers and may need to learn how to be more authentic.

Moon in the 11th House

When the Moon is in the 11th house, the native is highly social and connected to their community. They may have a talent for networking and may be drawn to careers in social activism. They are also deeply connected to their friends and may have a close relationship with them. However, they may struggle with being too emotionally dependent on their friends and may need to learn how to be more self-sufficient.

Moon in the 12th House

When the Moon is in the 12th house, the native is highly intuitive and psychic. They may have a talent for healing and may be drawn to careers in healthcare or spirituality. They are also deeply connected to their subconscious and may have a strong need for solitude and introspection. However, they may struggle with being too emotionally repressed and may need to learn how to express their feelings more openly.

For Personalized Readings ➤ Click Here

#astroworld #astro notes #astroblr #advertising #astro observations #tarot reading #vedic astrology #astrology #astro community #astroloji

[mikasasrippedtoenail]

The need of more women in high earning workspaces

[For India]

Female surgeons- 12.5%

Female judges- 10.1%

Female pilots- 12.4%

Female bank managers - 18.8%

Female entrepreneurs- 14.6%

Female CAs - 30%

Female IPS officers - 11.7%

Female district magistrate- 19.8%

Above are few of the most respected and well earning professions in India. Yet women do not constitute more than thirty percent of their workforce. Although more and more girls are pursuing university degrees, the number of women in leadership roles in any field remains stagnant for the past few decades.

This disparity increases along with the age of the employee, for most women leave their careers at the age of 30-35 - the prime of their careers- owing to their commitment to childcare and homemaking. A stark reality for most women in south asian households is that they are pressured to leave work to take care of their ailing in-laws. Once the child is old enough, or after the death of the in-law, the long gap in resume does not allow women to earn as much as their male counterpart.

To advance women in a capitalistic society, the resource pool must be colonized by women --especially women in highly misogynistic societies. The capital earned by women will act as a partial sheild to protect them from the evil of men.

The most vulnerable woman in the present world is a woman without capital-without any money or property to their name. The feminist focus should be fighting for women's right to own property, for obtaining equal share in their father's property, and for the wife to have as much share in her spouse's property as her children.

Along with this, female reservation for high posts in BOTH public and private departments should be our goal. A greater percentage of women in the three bodies of law is crucial for female advancement. Solidarity between the female social class in terms of financial resource sharing must exist. Female entrepreneurs should source their raw material from female vendors and employ more women. Female separatism should be practiced at a financial level as well.

A lot of radical feminists support socialism and so do I. Inspite of this, we survive in a capitalist world. The poorest of women cannot advance through socialism because the current system is designed for men. Before the radical change is brought, we should strive for the betterment of lives of women living under this system which can only be brought by women hoarding capital amongst the female class.

#radblr #radical feminism #female seperatism #radical feminist safe #radical feminists do interact #radical feminists do touch #trans exclusionary radical feminist #terfsafe #terfblr #Female employment #women are the superior sex #Women owning property

[animalinvestigator]

hey! i havent had tumblr for a while but ive been thinking about cathys eldest sister who wants to run away when she turns 18. is she equipped at all to deal with the outside world? all of the kids seem pretty isolated. ty!

hello anonymous -- first of all let me just say, i am really touched that you remembered my story, and even a pretty minor character in it, and remained so interested that you sent this ask even after being away. really it means a lot more to me than i could ever articulate, i was so stunned and happy that you would. i appreciate it a lot. i really hope someday i can make the story real so that you'll be able to have all these answers without tumblr asks, LOL.

which made me think about -- how mysterious do i want to be to make sure everything still stays fresh if i ever do write it , lol. i thought for a bit about this, and i think i can still say plenty of things without giving away any plot beats or information i havent already shared. espescially about the character youre inquiring on ! so: about bridget.

even though bridget is a side character whose arc plays out largely incidentally in the background of the story, she's definitely the supporting cast member i've thought about most, because she shares a lot in common with catherine, but her motivation to escape is from a completely different perspective, and her approach is entirely different as well because of that.... i'm not sure how much i've talked about catherine's family's history, but they haven't always lived where they live, and they haven't always been as isolated as they are ; bridget is one of the few kids in the family who is old enough to remember a time when she was marginally less secluded from the world, where she was permitted to have relationships among a slightly broader community, instead of having no one and nothing outside of the nuclear family. this, combined with the amount of time she's spent living the way that she does, and the increased responsibility /mistreatment she incurred by being born first, leads her to a feeling that is shared between only her and cathy among her siblings, that something is deeply, implacably wrong with the only world she's ever known, and an abstract need to "run away" as a result.

UNLIKE cathy, bridget has the perspective to know that there does exist a world outside(though she's never been part of it) that she can run away to. because of this, and due to the repertoire she has built up over the years by adequately obeying her parents and avoiding their scrutiny, and her general grew-up-too-fast big sister maturity, she has the increased freedom and general skills she needs to actually enact an escape plan . to get to the meat of your question, though, that definitely does not translate exactly to being able to survive well and easily when she leaves. basically the only thing bridget has ever been is a homemaker, essentially; her days are commanded by the needs of her siblings and the demands of her parents, and there's little room for developing any sense of agency outside of her role as fill-in mother to the younger children in the family. i can't imagine there's anything she even wants to do when she gets out -- she wouldn't have any idea how to want things in the first place -- she has been actively discouraged from learning administrative adult tasks even as mundane as shopping for herself or driving a car out of a desire to keep her subserviant, and she has no safe grown-ups in her life to teach her these skills. she has no education outside of her family's """"homeschooling"""", and when she leaves, she will have no access to her legal paperwork, and no funds or resources whatsoever. which is all to say: bridget knows how to take care of herself and take care of her siblings and take care of her household, but she doesn't know how to be a human being, and she has none of the prerequesites that society would expect from her. even as the /least/ isolated member of the household, she's been completely cut off from any ability to develop as a person, form external relationships, and live without relying on her parents, because that's how catherine's parents maintain their sense of control.

so, the long and short of it is this: the reason that catherine's family is the way it is (and ESPESCIALLY in the case of bridget, whose obedience they rely upon to keep the household running smoothly) is that catherine's parents want to raise adult children, who are simultaneously competent enough to personally benefit the parents in keeping up appearances and in putting in less work themselves, and also so completley reliant on them ideologically, financially, and emotionally that they have no hope of surviving in the outside world. thta's the situation bridget is in when she decides to escape.

that being said, i think she's alright... much like cathy, i try to keep my own ideas for "what happens to this character" private, because i would really like to leave it at "there's no right answer". the main emotion i'm writing this story from is a feeling of lack of closure -- a story where nothing good happens, everyone is worse off at the end, and the main character is left all alone with her memories, wondering for the rest of her life if any of it even happened, not knowing if anything turned out okay, and having to carve out a place to live in that painful ambiguity... that being said, my hope for my own characters is that they'll have a happy ending in the audience's head.. and i feel like i can strongly picture bridget living in a big city somewhere very far away long after catherine's story ends, coming home after work to a tiny , mostly empty apartment, her own space, and thinking for the first time that she can finally breathe.

thank you so much again for your inquiry <3

#ocs #<33 :3 #hope its not too wordy

[theadhdhomemaker]

Creating a Cozy and Chaotic Haven: Welcome to The ADHD Homemaker

Home is where the heart is, and as homemakers, we have the incredible privilege of shaping and nurturing that heart. Welcome to The ADHD Homemaker, your online guide to the art of homemaking. Whether you're a seasoned homemaker or just beginning your journey, you've found a welcoming space where we celebrate the magic of home.

The ADHD Homemaker isn't just a blog; it's a community of people who are passionate about learning more about homemaking and finding peace within the chaos of this crazy world. Here, we explore the many facets of homemaking, from organization and decor to cooking, cleaning, and everything in between.

I believe in the transformative power of homemaking. It's not just about keeping a tidy house; it's about cultivating a nurturing environment that reflects your personality and values. Homemaking is an art, a labor of love, and we're here to help you embrace it with enthusiasm.

This blog is your resource for all things homemaking, offering a wealth of ideas, advice, and inspiration. In the upcoming posts, we'll dive deep into various aspects of homemaking, including:

Home Decor: Discover tips and tricks for decorating your living spaces to reflect your style and create an inviting ambiance.

Cooking and Recipes: Explore delicious recipes, cooking techniques, and meal planning ideas for all skill levels.

Organization and Cleaning: Learn how to keep your home tidy and efficient, making daily life smoother and more enjoyable.

DIY Projects: Get creative with DIY projects and crafts to add a personal touch to your home.

Homemaking is a labor of love, and it's even more rewarding when shared with a like-minded community. We encourage you to share your insights, ask questions, and engage with us and fellow homemakers. Together, we can make the journey of homemaking more enjoyable and fulfilling.

I am thrilled to have you join me on this homemaking adventure. Together, we'll find joy in everyday life, create spaces that envelop us with comfort, and turn our houses into homes filled with love. Stay tuned for our upcoming posts, and let's embark on this journey of homemaking and heartwarming together.

Thank you for becoming a part of our homemaking family!

#homemaker #homemaking #housewife #homemade #homedecor #homedesign #home #handmade #homesweethome #homesteading #urban homesteading #homemakers #personal care #slow living #workfromhome #feminine aesthetic #feminine #femininity tips #femininity journey #femininity moodboard

[shootertron-stuff]

PSA: Imperial Fists

Just because Imperial Fists are content to stay in one place and have a high pain tolerance doesn't mean you can just shove them in a tiny enclosure and hit them whenever you like. Surviving does not mean thriving! Imperial Fists, owing to their training and self-image as stoic soldiers who never complain, are good at hiding the fact they are suffering, especially around caretakers they consider heretics.

An Imperial Fist's natural environment is a spacious fortress filled with enrichment. They actually have a wide range of interests, and need room to express their natural behaviors, like swordfighting and scrimshaw! Many Imperial Fists enjoy reading about galactic history, as well. I recommend investing in a void battle strategy board, a library, a gym, a cork gun shootery, and an armory full of dummy weapons (so they don't hurt themselves playing). Don't be afraid to tap into public resources, though express caution when leading your Imperial Fist out in public, especially around the Lost and Damned.

While Fists are famed for their pain tolerance that can even become masochism, with some even enjoying the pain from broken bones, regular pain sessions are not the same as hitting them when you're mad they're destroying the furniture in their tiny cells in boredom. They will come to resent you and become even more destructive.

Instead, set aside time each day (or week, if you can't manage every day) to spank, whip, and/or zap your Imperial Fist, making sure to praise them for taking it so well. Rogal Dorn's lads thrive on routine.

If you cannot find a Pain Glove, there are commercially available electrostimulation machines that can also stimulate their pain receptors.

If you heed my advice, you slowly will develop a genuine bond of trust with your Imperial Fist, and they may even cook and clean for you like a true homemaker.

#Space Marine husbandry #imperial fists #warhammer 40k #dehumanization #abuse tw

[eserveuniverse]

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[deadbydangit]

With a Reader that likes to cook.

Trickster, Trapper, Spirit

Trickster

You're making him food?

What kind?

This man is used to fine dining.

Unless you're a professional master chef, he'll complain.

He also can't cook for shit.

He burns everything.

Somehow, he even burnt the water till it was completely evaporated.

He was too busy looking at himself, doing his make up, or some other self-absorbed activity.

The great Ji-Woon doesn't need to cook anyways.

Why should he? He's a famous idol!

He can get other peasants to do the work for him.

But there isn't anyone to do that for him in the realm.

And Lord knows Yun-Jin won't lift a finger to help him.

There was a time before he was an idol that he was decent at cooking.

The times when he worked with his family in the restaurant.

That was long ago, and he got too accustomed to getting his way.

Now he doesn't have a choice.

He's not going to get five star meals.

He's getting what you can make with limited resources.

Even though he has to force it down.

And, even if it isn't what he's used to, he still appreciates it.

He might act disgusted sometimes.

But there are some dishes you make he adores.

He might even try to make you something.

He's going to burn it.

But, hey, it's the thought that counts.

Trapper

Evan was raised with the idea of having a spouse that is a homemaker.

It's the time he was from.

Get married, and have a spouse that took care of the home while he worked.

He never really wanted that sort of life.

He would rather focus solely on his work.

Evan had plenty of servants to do that sort of labor anyways.

He doesn't have that here.

But he does have you.

And you're better than any servant!

Everything you make, you make for both of you.

Not just yourself.

He really isn't used to having someone care about him that much.

He isn't picky.

Even if he doesn't like the food, you still made it for him.

And you don't demand anything in return.

He's grateful.

Evan particularly enjoys dishes with a lot of protein.

If it were up to him, that's all he would eat.

There will be an attempt to avoid the vegetables though.

Make sure he eats a balanced diet.

Remind him about how it will affect his work if he doesn't.

He doesn't like the nagging, but he knows it's because you want what's best for him.

Do not let him try to cook.

He will burn, break, or destroy everything in the kitchen simply because he doesn't realize how strong he is.

Breaking an egg does not to the force he's using.

At least he tried.

He appreciates it so much, he'll even let you feed him a spoonful sometimes.

He says he hates when you do that.

But he secretly loves it.

Being fed amazing food by the person he loves most in the world is the best feeling he could've hoped for.

Spirit

She loves to cook too!

Rin is very limited in her knowledge of foreign dishes.

The majority of dishes she makes are Japanese.

Don't get too upset with her if she has no idea what foods like garlic bread or fish and sticks are.

She might not know, but she's totally willing to learn.

Your pizza is one of her absolute favorite foreign dishes.

Sometimes about the way the cheese clings onto the pizza when she tries to bite it makes it taste better.

She has a nasty sweet tooth.

And she isn't afraid to admit that.

While she isn't picky about sweets, she loves red bean and strawberry flavors.

If she's ever having a bad day: bad trials,bad memories, pain. There is a way to cheer her up.

Cupcakes, cookies, brownies.

It will bring her smile back.

Ask her to join you in making them.

Eating them is only half the fun.

Making them with you, that's the best part.

Anything she does with you is the best.

#dbd imagines #dbd ask blog #dbd x reader #dbd killer #dbd spirit #dbd trickster #dbd trapper

[msfbgraves]

I get the impression that the Silver household is…actually a very warm, cozy, and loving one despite the whole Mob thing and (brutally rough spots between Daddy and Mama). Am I wrong in thinking the kids grow up mostly happy and content?

Also they seem to be a rather wealthy family too; are they? Are there any times in the marriage where money is tight? Nine kids are a lot to take care of and provide for! Do Terry and Daniel have more or less children than the average Alpha/omega pair?

I think especially Daniel would be delighted to hear that, because I feel that being a homemaker is indeed one of his greatest loves in life, and here, no one is judging him for it. He's entirely devoted to his darlings - his mate and his litters of pups, his extended family too - they're his world. So he pours everything into them, but since there are so many people in his life, he can't smother any one of them. I've thought to myself recently that children literally grow on love, and he has so much of it, Daniel. Terry's love is fiercer, but his pups are strong children, and Daniel is always there with the littlest ones, so it doesn't overwhelm them. Even Terry needs his strength when he's dealing with three, four, five of his puppies crawling over his lap. Together, they work hard to make them feel safe and comfortable. And apparently they've succeeded 🥰

And yes, they are wealthy. Daniel was given quite a lot of money and Terry's business had made him very wealthy before and it's only grown since. High risk, high reward. Also I think they're rather sensible with money, most of the time. Both Daniel's and Terry's parents were quite poor at some point in their lives. Daniel does this too because he became a Mama so very early and feels, instinctively, that his puppies need resources, and he's never started mindlessly splurging. Don't worry, Terry spoils everyone rotten, and Daniel buys himself nice things - it's simply an omega thing while there are pups to feed (which frankly is always).

They do have more pups than the average Alpha/omega couple, but not by that much - a lot of couples who have two litters end up with 7 or 8. But Daniel has 7 very young.

#knights and pawns #omegaverse #silverusso #mob au

[hillbillyoracle]

I get why tradwife content is so appealing - but it's not for the reasons they think.

Some information upfront: I am trans (nonbinary - GNC), hormonally intersex, queer, and have been partnered with a trans woman for going on seven years. I became progressively disabled and eventually was not able to go to school or work. I slipped into the housespouse role, especially as I started to regain some measure of functioning. Even though it was never my goal to be in this role, especially not for this long, for the last several years I've helped run progressive spaces and resources for non-traditional homemakers.

I say all this to situate what I write next. Please note: once again, I use AMAB and AFAB because not everyone around me IDs with their AGAB but what I want to talk about here breaks down along AFAB and AMAB lines in my experience. Yours may differ.

I considered writing up this morning - my family's Christmas - as an example of the various kinds of normalized incompetency I see in the AMAB folks around me embodying but I imagine most people who are going to relate to what I'd say on any level have their own stories. I think we're reaching a point where even sharing examples for the purpose of teaching can be demoralizing because we really just wind up seeing how completely mundane AMAB obliviousness or even outright hostility is. I don't want to add to that. But picture a fairly stereotypical scene - my AMAB partner making us late, AFABs all doing the invisible labor of making it go smoothly (grabbing cups before full grown adults knocked them over, dealing with trash and tidying, sorting and organizing, noticing each other's feelings and tending to them, etc) while AMAB folks laughed about how little the knew about the presents that had been purchased and generally kicked back. That was my morning.

It's not an experience that seems that miserable on it's face. No one said anything cruel. No one got hit. None of us are sitting in an ER. We're alive. But you could look around the room and see how my sister and I especially were just fucking tired by the end of it. AFAB exhaustion is just the going rate for family holidays it seems.

At one point this morning, when I tried to voice my frustrations to my partner she flat out said to me "No one asked you to do that." People who've shared some of my experiences will get why that statement always stings without me having to say it. It's the ultimate get out of jail free card for her - you know you will still face the consequences if you didn't get that work done and now it won't even be appreciated or the cost to you considered. It can be genuinely heartbreaking to hear. Implicit in it is the expectation that you always have to ask for what you want and need - though you usually won't get it without also giving detailed instructions every single time making it easier to just do it yourself - with no amount of learning patterns or generally empathizing being necessary on their part. Problem solved I guess.

Which brings me to my opening statement. The appeal of tradwife content is in the idea that it is possible to be happy in a relationships in which your needs are not anticipated, desires are only rarely considered, and your emotions are not responded to.

And I know they would argue differently - that's fine - but I've watched people in my communities flirt with the ideas before and I can tell you, it is not coming from some genuine belief in the bioessentialism that the TradWife crowd espouses. It's firmly rooted in disillusionment with the narratives we've been fed about what good and healthy relationships "should" be.

Let's use an imperfect analogy. All the content out there about building healthier relationships are like those authors who teach other people how to write and publish their first novels. Even among avid followers and people who follow the course - not all of them are going to wind up getting publishing deals like author teachers did. But when that's all you ever see about books on your feed, it starts to feel like everyone is figuring out how to do this and you just...suck for some reason. Now imagine that you publishing a book was seen as a vital part of the queer movement and everyone you knew had written these great books. Imagine that talking about how difficult you're finding it to write this book was not only seen as a threat to the larger movement but also made you a leech or otherwise dangerous or bad. That's what so much relationships content feels like these days.

There's a lot of nuance to this I'm not going to be able to capture; how the taker/giver dynamic still often gets reproduced in AFAB/AFAB relationships but generally along lines of any privilege disparities rather than strictly presentation, how transmasculine folks occupy a very liminal space in this conversation because other forms of privilege can impact it how the dynamic plays out so much, how trans/queer theory hasn't developed many robust models and methods for thinking through how queer and trans folks repeat toxic conditioning in their relationships with each other, etc.

But at the end of the day, the reason I see most people dip into it - why I myself have read through their blogs looking for answers - is because the messages we're told about what relationships should be like don't match the reality of the choices we really have available to us, especially when it comes to being with AMAB folks.

The fact that so many people cannot seem to sit with is that some people have no choice but to be single and some people do not really have the choice to be single. Health care, survival needs being met, access to family members and friends, transportation, etc can all be dependent on staying with someone who does the least. Making the best out of mediocre and unfulfilling relationships is a strategy for survival.

TradWife content not only makes overfunctioning seem possible long term but meaningful in some way that the relationship itself is not. I'm sure many of those content creators really love their husbands. But emotional intimacy is rarely discussed in these spaces. It does not seem to be highly valued. And it can almost be a relief when compared to spaces that harp on the basics you're giving but not receiving so regularly, where you not leaving is seen as enabling or leeching/gold digging stead of the economic dead end that it actually is. It is both a haven and a new hell.

Queer, trans, and disabled homemakers are effectively in the alleyway between houses, instead of in a house of our own. We're running between the eaves trying to stay dry. In one space we're told that our queerness/transness is good but our unhappiness in our relationships are seen as a threat to the cause and our difficulty leaving is seen as regressive and even exploitative (which ignores all the domestic labor we do). In the other space, we're told that our domestic labor is a beautiful gift and that there's something transformative about giving without expecting in return - a tempting ideal - but that our transness and queerness are the reason for our unhappiness.

This is all just to say I get it. While I don't support TradWife content and always shoot down bioessentialism in the spaces I'm in, I also get the appeal of the idea that the work itself is something you're meant for, that that kind of caring can fill the void of never really receiving it. I get the appeal of a space that values your labor instead of erasing it as just expected and calling you a leech.

I'm glad there's good content out there for building healthier and more enjoyable relationships for those who can both genuinely pursue it. But the older I get, the more I've seen that that is a very small portion of those in relationships and those available. Many of us are even more constrained n our options and maligned in our choices. The dearth of resources on making things work in the relationships that are okay but ultimately unfulfilling means people will continue to turn to things like TradWife content.

#long post #rant #very imperfect #but helpful for me to process #shit sucks sometimes y'all #still trying to figure out the solution

[asahikuns]

I see many men preaching that being a homemaker is the most honorable “career” for a woman. But if its so honorable why dont YOU wanna do it then 🤣 I think medical doctors are one of the most honorable careers and if I have the time and financial resource I’d love to study and train to become one. Now if these men were given the chance and resource to leave their professional career and be a stay at home dad would they do it 🤔 since its so honorable