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frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe · 2 years

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Pt. 1 | Pt. 2

Shorter Part 3, sorry y’all 😭

“Does this have to do with the rose?” Dustin asks them as soon as they are alone in the car. ‘Damn,’ Steve thinks, ‘I should’ve dropped you off first.’

“What do you know about the rose?” Steve asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

“I know it’s from his secret admirer.”

“You know about that?”

“Of course I do, Steve, he tells that story to everyone who will listen.” Dustin says as if it’s common knowledge.

“So who are your theories? I know you’ve got them.” Steve says

“I have no clue.” Steve looks at him confused “I really don’t. I even told Eddie that we could figure it out if we saw the note but he just shook his head and went back to grinning that goofy grin he had.”

“…And that’s bad?”

“Well no, I just figured he’d want help figuring it out, but that’s not the weird part about it all. He didn’t even have everything set up when we got there.”

Steve gives Dustin a confused glance, trying to keep his eyes on the road in front of him.

“Eddie normally gets there super early to set everything up, but even by time Lucas got there just before we were about to start, all of Eddie’s DM stuff was still in his bag. Literally only the tables and his throne were pulled out where they were supposed to be. He just kept staring at that damn rose with that lovestruck look on his face.”

“Hey, language! But yeah, that is weird? What? Don’t look at me like that, I’ve been around you all long enough to know that’s out of character for him..he loves that game.” Steve chuckles to himself, thinking about the party’s collective confused faces at Eddie’s soft one. “Alright, doofus, this is you. Tell your mom I say ‘Hi’.”

Dustin rolls his eyes and shuffles out the car door and up the drive.

Steve waits until he’s safely inside before backing out, and heading home.

‘holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshi—‘ Steve’s brain played on a loop, his face splitting into a grin.

——————

The (now) third time Eddie "hears" from his secret admirer is definitely not when he was expecting. It kind of makes sense, if his secret admirer really is into him still he'd know that Eddie plays at the Hideout on Tuesday nights. But if he's being honest with himself, the rose flung up on stage while they were still drowned in spotlight was the second most surprising thing of the night. Actually, make that third.

First was the size of the crowd. Being accused of a ritualistic murder does have one benefit then, it has a tendency to make you seem more metal than you might actually be (especially within the metal community). The dingy little bar was actually packed tonight. So many people were there to see Eddie and his bandmates that it was the start of his nervousness. And Eddie never gets nervous about playing, it’s like breathing to him.

Secondly (and the second reason for Eddie to be nervous that night) was that Steeeeve Harrington himself was there to see him play. Him along with Buckley AND Nancy Wheeler had even dressed up for the occasion, pulling out as much black and grungy looking pieces from the backs of their wardrobes as they could find. Eddie swears Wheeler is wearing one of the old band tees Robin stole from him and Steve is wear-holy fuck. HOLY FUCK. Steve Harrington is wearing his (His! Eddie Munson’s!) battle vest. How the fuck he managed to keep it is beyond him but…yep. Eddie’s vest looks just as good on Steve now than it did in that upside-down hellscape.

Only a second had gone by in the time it took Eddie to process all of this before the lights go down and the spotlight is blinding him to everything beyond the stage.

“Get your head in gear, Munson, you’ve got a whole bar full of people to blow away… shit” Eddie mumbles to himself before stepping up to the mic.

And of course, no matter his surprise or nervousness about anything (or anyone) in the crowd that night, the show goes off without a hitch. He’s saying his goodbyes to the crowd as they cheer, holler, and whistle for them, some people are even throwing things. A couple of coasters with phone numbers scrawled on them are frisbee’d onto the stage around him, one (1) singular pair of panties (wtf this is insane), and from his right, just before the lights come back up in the bar, a single red rose tied with a black ribbon.

Time slows down. That’s the only way he could’ve snatched it out of the air the way he did.

He catches it and the crowd lets loose a few wolf whistles. Eddie grins so wide his face hurts. “Thank you guys so much, we’ll be here next week!” he jeers and lifts the rose in his hand in the air like he’s showing it off. The lights finally come up, and Eddie looks directly toward where the rose came from, trying to see if he recognized any of the faces. The only face he recognizes is Steve’s, off a good bit to the left from where the rose came at him, and who is also looking around for who it would’ve come from. Steve looks up at Eddie, and shrugs, he didn’t see anything either.

‘Of course he’s going to act like he didn’t see anything if he’s the one who threw it.’ Eddie’s brain helpfully supplies.

Nope. NOPE. Not going there, that’s so impossible. Steve was a good friend, even if he was blissfully unaware of the affect he had on Eddie.

Eddie shrugs back at Steve before turning back to the guys and helping them pack up their stuff.

“What does this one say?” Gareth asks him when they’re lugging the last of the equipment off the stage.

“Ermph durnup.” Eddie mumbles around the rose stem in his mouth. He sets the amps he was carrying at the back door to be loaded into his van (Which Steve was so graciously helping with). Eddie spits the rose out into his hand as Steve comes back into the doorway. Now ALL of them waiting on Eddie to read out the note. Even Robin and Wheeler have come backstage to watch them work. “Haven’t read it yet.”

“What’s happening now?” Nancy asks, confused. ‘Was she really never around during any of the re-tellings of this story?’ Eddie thinks to himself

“My secret admirer threw this to me as we were wrapping up our set.” Eddie waggles his eyebrows at the older Wheeler “I tried to see who it was, but by the time the lights came back on and I could actually see past the stage, the crowd was already thinning out.”

“They probably didn’t want to be recognized just yet? Even I looked around as soon as I could see again, but yeah, everyone had started dispersing.” Steve chimed in from the doorway he was leaning against, arms crossed across his chest. Damn were his arms always that huge?

“Uh_uh yeah, I do love a guy with a flair for dramatics.” everyone chuckled at that

“Of course you do Munson” Steve smiled at him “Now hurry up and read it!”

“OK, OK, this one says ‘You alone can make my song take flight’.” Eddie sings the line softly, redness creeping up his cheeks as his friends react around him.

“Ew, that’s so gross I’m gonna barf.” - Robin

“That’s so sweet!” - Nancy

“You’re going to be talking about this for weeks aren’t you?” - Gareth

Various well-meaning eye rolls come from the rest of his bandmates as they take care of the amps Steve had been neglecting.

And Steve, Steve was looking at Eddie with the warmest, fondest smile he’d ever seen.

Hmm…

____________________________________________

Pt. 4 will be here! Thank you for reading!!

Now on AO3! Several Notes of the Most Amiable Nature

Tagging everyone I can!: @manda-panda-monium , @destielinimpala , @ilovecupcakesandtea , @maya-custodios-dionach , @thefreakandthehair , @youmakemyhearthowl , @phantypurple , @kerlypride , @hagbaby420 , @yes-im-your-mom , @tinydragonhuman , @beeing-stuupid , @ineffablecolors , @m00gl3ness , @background-noise-headache , @jojobeaner , @bitedownonmydestiel , @orangeandthefairroadkill , @llamaoftheinternet , @captain-daryn , @undreamingscatworld , @britishmysteries , @sharpbutsoft , @funnymagicman-named-dandy , @allbymyselfexceptformycactus , @wearelosersyoudumbfuck , @itsthebeckyzone , @thegingervulcan , @urmomification , @wonderingglances , @calciferousoai , @csinnamon-fox , @straight4joekeery , @alex-axolotl , @nitro502 , @whorenerdking , @skeletoneddie , @eddiehashands , @prosedumpofmaya , @werewolfpeterparker , @bigboyandmetalhead , @stevethescareington , @xxbottlecapx , @starkdusk , @legitcookie , @withacapitalp

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #mine #secret admirer au #secret admirer #phantom!eddie #phantom of the opera #stranger things #st #st s4 #st fillet #stranger things ficlet #steddie fic #steddie ficlet #pt 3 #1500 #several notes of the most amiable nature

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nonbinarydeity · 1 year

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Give Up Control

This is gonna be a lot to read but PLEASE read it, it's so important, I can not stress this enough.

Holy shit. I just completely connected to my subconscious mind. I literally heard them talking to me, saying the nicest things; I realized somewhere deep inside of me that they have my best interests in mind, and I just gave up control completely.

I'm actually in shock writing this. I didn't realize it, but doing this is actually the best thing I could have ever done for myself. In giving up control, I allowed my subconscious to literally Speedrun the process of manifesting, but it didn't manifest things, it manifested feelings and this knowledge that I am a godly being.

I cannot describe to you how good I feel. It literally feels like my trauma, my pain, my fear, etc has been washed away. The moment I gave my subconscious control, it started washing out all of my old programming and it replaced it with love and acceptance. I feel so free like? I'm so much happier than I've ever felt.

How I gave up control

So what happened was, I was trying to get into the void state, and while doing so I was letting go of my outer world. I think I was one step away from it when my subconscious mind popped into my head and started telling me what I good job I was doing, and it told me that all I had to do this whole time was let go of the outer world, thus giving up control of my reality (let go of control, whatever is attaching you to the idea of needing control, let go of it). I literally disconnected from reality while doing this. I could feel and hear it, but I knew that it wasn't nearly as real as me if that makes sense??

Then it asked me what I wanted. And I stg I was gonna say the void state but then I realized that that's what was holding me back. I wanted so much and I had no idea how to get it; trying to get it made it feel farther away so I kept trying and failing and trying and... Let's just say I've broken that cycle.

So anyways, instead of asking it for the void, I just asked what it wanted, and this wave of happiness shot through me, and I knew I did the right thing.

What happened after I let go (why I think everyone should try this!!)

My subconscious mind literally walked me through the process of letting go of my trauma you guys. Like it literally helped me get into the correct states and everything. I felt resistance to some of the stuff (literally my ego was trying to stop it, like the fear and everything yk?), but I let go of that too and let my subconscious do it's work and oh. my. god. I feel so much freer, so much more powerful, so much happier and I can't even describe it fully.

I definitely don't feel done with this process, I know I probably have a few more sessions of this to go before I'm fully healed from everything, but even in one go I feel SO MUCH BETTER (I cannot stress this enough). I know that I'm in control but I also know that when it comes to actually getting what I want, it's a higher part of me that's doing it. Like it's me in the driver's seat, but it's not this earthly me, it's beyond that.

Anyways I hope this makes sense but I swear you all HAVE to try this. Like just lay down and meditate and ask your subconscious to help you let go of your need for control, and let them guide you through everything. Don't ask for anything besides their help and let them give you what you REALLY want (to heal, to love, to be free, etc). It'll be 1000% worth it, I promise 😭💕

#master manifestor #law of assumption #manifestation #manifesting #manifest #loa #loassumption

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hoechloin · 1 year

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TEEN WOLF MOVIE SPOILERS

watched the movie bc i can’t help myself and derek hale my number 1 baby love for over a decade was back so i had to see it thru and fucking holy shit

derek was the only good thing! WHATByhenFUCK REASON WAS THERE FOR HIM TO DIE BY FIRE WHAT THE EVERUFCKINGLOVEINGGGG FUCK I FELT siCK SEEING THAT like viscerally unwell watching him BURN TOMDEATH!!!??!!?????? it's so gross!! below the belt hideous heinous unnecessary way to kill off anyone let alone DEREKKKK HALE Omhhhhfiffj and HIS SON WATCHED???? i expected nothjng from this movie but holy fuck

couldn’t tell u much else about what happened. didn’t make sense. lots of swearing! malia’s ass was all the way out. derek fuckin took in stiles’ jeep. he has a cute house and is so #daddy. eli hale really is a stiles dupe. scallison back together but i felt nothing. was bored. was confused. lydia rocks a pencil skirt and sty/dia break up explanation is so funny. melissa’s a doctor thought that was cute. lore all over the place. stiles barely mentioned but that’s fine keep his name out of your mouth. just in disbelief that they did derek like that and in disbelief that i let teen wolf put me in a state of disbelief in the year 2023

ANYWAY as always canon will be disregarded and im safe in the knowledge derek is thriving with his husband stiles (and uh their son eli lmao there was literally no explanation where he came from sooooo mpreg stans rise)

final thoughts: i hope this film gets pulled from streaming or where the fuck ever for being Too Horseshit Stupid

#spoilers #teen wolf spoilers #i haven’t been on tumblr in so long i forgot about TAGGING

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toastywatchesstevenuniverse · 10 months

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S1 E43

Maximum Capacity

Okay so this entire episode just made me feel like....uncomfortable? Like the entire time I just kept feeling so off. Like my brain was going "okay this is way too weird, why do I feel like there's gonna be some horrifying plot twist?"

Then it fucking happened & I felt like a psychic. Like holy shit it wasn't just me, this episode was purposely uncomfortable on purpose & idk how the fuck they did that but WOW the entire episode made me feel so uneasy & it was legit for a reason.

Also ngl Amethyst....kinda just super fucked up to do that- Like I haven't LOVED Greg as a character so far (he's there but I mean him lying about his leg, good intentions or not, was a pretty shitty move & also he's just kinda not that great of a dad but I also understand that's literally the point so I'm not gonna just toss aside his character because I'm assuming he's supposed to get better as the show goes on. For now: I just kinda feel nothing strong towards him character wise), but oh my God this episode just made me feel so bad for the guy. Holy shit like this dude just misses his wife. Fuck. I'm surprised how much he kept his cool here. Like he didn't blow up at Amethyst or anything he was like super quick to forgive her despite the fact that he kinda would have been super justified in being upset for this. But I like that this was how it was done. No scene of them fighting or yelling, Amethyst just chooses to do something to make up for it without Greg having to lecture her. In that regard: it actually made her seem way more sincere. Like she had to make that choice via her own genuine remorse. I'm wording this badly I think but like I think that it made her seem like she really was trying to attone for it & that she really did regret what she did.

And honeslty after On The Run? With the knowledge that, knowing how severely fucked up Amethyst is mental health wise, yeah her lashing out at people like this? And saying/doing extremely shitty things because she's upset & she doesn't have the capacity to hold herself back & only realizes how badly she fucked up until its too late? Yeah as someone who has that kinda mental health shit as I said in my post about that episode?....yeah, that's pretty accurate tbh. In my experience that's something I can confirm does happen. So yeah it actually makes sense why she did something so extreme out of fucking nowhere.

I have said a lot of really regrettable shit to people that I'm friends with (Sometimes idk how I'm still friends with them after bc I still feel bad about it yet they seem to insist I'm forgiven) during times where I was really fucking upset. And it's only until RIGHT after it happens that I fully go "oh shit that was a really bad thing to say & I made the situation significantly worse" Yet just like irl, they forgive. *cries*

Really well done character focused episode. They did fucking stellar character writing here.

OH WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WASNT GONNA GO INSANE GOBLIN MODE ABOUT PEARL????? TOO BAD PEARL TIME

OH MY GOD SHES IN A SWEATER AND SHES DOING HER BEST YES PEARL YOUR VOLUME IS PERFECT YOURE DOING AMAZING AAAAAAAA SHES SO CUTE AND HUGGABLE LOOK AT HER SHES THE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME !!!!!!

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softpine · 10 months

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holy shit that was incredible 🧎 as usual right after reading one of ur posts i'm craving a LOT of bts info. how did u decide who would be the closest to which until dawn character? were there any choices u went back and forth on? how are u so talented? are there any hidden easter eggs? how do u think their relationships would change in the following months?

the edits are beyond stunning, i've been staring at the portraits for so long and i'm gonna reread the whole thing tmrw in case i missed smtn <3

ahhh thank you!!! i'm so happy you liked it 🥺💖

so the thing is, i'm like. wildly hyperfixating on until dawn right now and i decided to platinum the game, which involves replaying it at least 3 times (in my case it took 6 because i'm bad at gaming lol) so i had a ton of time to think about this AU while i was watching the same unskippable cut-scenes over and over. the first thing i thought was "haha i also have a character named matt who's kind of a pushover" and the rest is history :')

characters

Josh = Finn: i knew i couldn't have an actual josh in this case because none of my characters would do exactly what he did, but the core elements of josh are already in finn: he was wronged by the people in his life he trusted the most, he lashes out when he feels strong emotions, and he's really just scared and lonely underneath it all. so then i thought, what if josh's fake ghost antics were an actual ghost? and who's better for that role than finn? however, his parents are definitely not rich, so the lodge couldn't belong to his family. that's why i decided to make it a larger hunting lodge where all kinds of hunters would come together. also did you notice how i didn't even tell you who killed finn in the AU because no spoilers :P

Sam = Asa: i actually don't care for sam tbh but she's the obvious leader of the group, the level-headed one, the angel on your shoulder. asa can be impulsive at times (especially in regards to finn) but he's still the person i would choose to be at my my side during a crisis. his parents are the only ones with money, so it makes sense for danny to purchase the lodge without visiting it himself. sam is also compassionate to josh and has somewhat of a romantic thing going on with him if you read it that way, so that fits for asa and finn.

Jessica = Elaine: jess (best girl!!!!!) is the first person with the possibility of dying, and her death/injury is the catalyst for multiple characters future decisions, so her equivalent had to be someone who's also strongly connected to numerous others. so elaine is perfect! she's also the only person of my group who i can imagine storming outside in the snow in her underwear to give her friends a piece of her mind fjskjds but she also has enough strength of character & resilience to make it realistic that she might survive so many injuries.

Mike = Austin: this felt like a no-brainer because austin already has knowledge about guns, he's fearless, and if elaine got hurt, austin would go fucking ballistic. he stops caring about his own survival and starts making brash, unwise choices. but that's where the similarities end, because i actually really hate mike and i feel bad comparing austin to him lmao. say what you will about austin, but he would never try to talk his way into having sex with a girl who literally says "i'm just not feeling it". i hate mike 😒

Chris = Stevie: now hear me out!! at first glance you might think stevie would be ashley. they cry a lot, they look to others for guidance, and they even look alike. but stevie strikes me as much more of a chris type, being that chris was never meant to be the hero. he's a goofy nerd who tells jokes when he's nervous and screams his head off any time he has to do something brave. and that's exactly what stevie's role in this AU is. despite her nature, she's making brave decisions for the benefit of her friends. (but this pic did remind me of ashley)

Matt = Matt: he's kinda just..... here. he cracks some jokes, he can either diffuse or encourage arguments, he plays second fiddle to his girlfriend most of the time. he tries to be the hero but fails miserably. but he has a good heart and he almost never does anything controversial.

Alisa = Ashley: alisa is WAY less outwardly emotional than ashley, but she has the same chaotic, contradictory nature. she cares about people, but she's also capable of coldly letting others die to save herself. she's good at making others feel protective of her even if she doesn't need protecting. she's VERY curious.

Jada = Emily: listen emily just doesn't fit with any of my characters even though i love her so much. but jada does share her determination in the face of fear, her will to survive at any cost, and the way she has the capability to soften up and be really sweet under the right circumstances. they're both much more resourceful and capable than you would initially think. but jada is more likely to follow others' guidance than make plans herself.

other stuff!

for the safe room scene, i thought it would be more interesting if it was the archetypal heroic boyfriend who was bitten and the archetypal damsel in distress who holds his fate in her hands. but there is no way in hell that austin would just sit there and let someone shoot him. when he takes alisa hostage, it almost makes it easier to shoot him; if he were pleading for his life, jada would never pull the trigger, no matter how much alisa told her to. but since he puts himself in the position of the aggressor (the exact thing they feared he would do) it becomes a more believable dilemma. of course, we learn later that the bite is not infectious and austin never would've turned, but none of them know that yet. even austin doesn't know. this scene in the game is extremely horrifying to me so i hope i did it justice in my AU too!

i said this in the replies too, but: the playthrough i envisioned with the stats and pictures makes these major choices: elaine initially survives the mine, matt dies by the rope, stevie's leg is fine, jada shoots austin (why she's covered in blood in her portrait), jada & alisa die in the explosion, stevie rescues elaine, and finn saves asa!

imagine the lantern is doing this shit the whole time LMAOO

the swiss army knife in my AU basically has the same function as the flare gun in until dawn. if matt doesn't have it, he'll die. but if emily doesn't have it, she'll only be bitten. but getting the flare gun into the right hands is sooo convoluted so i had to simplify it for our purposes.

butterfly effects

i didn't include these because i was trying to keep things brief, but here's some of the other ideas i had:

if elaine & austin's relationship drops too low before they arrive at the guest cabin, then elaine won't kiss him and will go outside to look for her phone against his wishes. that's where she would be taken by the creature instead.

if jada and alisa don't find enough clues about finn's disappearance, then they will not recognize finn when they find his remains. this makes finn less likely to protect them later in the night.

if jada shot austin and her relationship with alisa is HIGH, then alisa will give herself injuries on her face to help corroborate their self defense story. if jada shot austin and her relationship with alisa is LOW, then alisa will be fascinated and say "i didn't know you had it in you..." but will not offer to corroborate the story. in both scenarios, alisa will then say she doesn't want to sit around with austin's body. jada will have the option of leaving with alisa or staying inside the safe room. jada can say no (alisa might survive, jada dies), or yes (they both might survive). or if they have a high relationship, she can convince alisa to stay too (they both die).

if matt survives the attack in the mines, then stevie's leg will be injured because she didn't have the knife, meaning she arrives much later to rescue elaine/matt. so if elaine is still alive, matt can find her in the mines and they have a conversation. they will both be impressed by each other's survival, and elaine will feel bad that matt is only in the mines because of her. she asks where austin is, but matt has no idea. then stevie shows up and the rest plays out as described!

after dawn

so obviously their relationships would vary wildly depending on who survives and what choices they made to get there.

in an everyone survives playthrough, austin and elaine would break up soon after the events of the game. if you notice, elaine's perception of austin went down a lot because austin didn't try to save her after she fell down the elevator. she felt abandoned by him when he was the most physically capable & experienced person who could have saved her, but instead it was her injured best friend who never gave up on her. so they're done lol. stevie and matt would break up amicably (for reasons unrelated to the night in question) and remain friends, because how could they not? as for alisa, she doesn't talk to any of them anymore. she was only ever close with jada in the first place, but after jada refused to shoot austin, she lost all trust in her. after finn's remains are found, his spirit is no longer chained to the lodge and he's able to join asa at home. this version of finn is like a normal ghost in that he can appear to anyone he wants. he becomes close friends with all of asa's friends, especially stevie. and then... a few years later... a family called the washingtons purchases the property for their kids (josh, beth, and hannah) to throw parties in. just kidding sjfkjsd sole survivor playthrough: with the outline i laid out, there's actually no way for each of them to be the sole survivor because i had to cut so much out for brevity (i know it doesn't seem like it lol). but it's possible for asa, stevie, elaine, or matt to be sole survivors. the most heartbreaking is probably stevie, who would've had to see matt's decapitated head, heard the lodge blow up with asa, jada, alisa, and austin inside, then watch elaine die right in front of her. so that's super fucked and i don't want to think about that anymore!! asa being the sole survivor makes the most sense logically, because he has finn to protect him for most of it. elaine or matt being the sole survivor would be if one of them dies early in the game and then stevie dies trying to help elaine/matt escape. in any case, i don't think all the therapy in the world could cure that amount of survivor's guilt... everyone dies playthrough: the group become ghosts who haunt the mountain. finn's body is never recovered because no one is alive to report it to the police, so he is never at peace either. danny still owns the property, so he destroys the cable car and builds a giant electrified fence so that, hopefully, no human will ever return to the cursed mountain. i can't even / don't want to imagine how any of their parents would be able to move on after such a tragedy, it makes me genuinely sad to think about :( everybody dies playthroughs are all fun and games until you think about what comes after 😭

ANYWAY THAT'S ALL!! thank you so much for indulging my frankly rabid brain fjskdjs i know i keep saying it, but until dawn is my most confusing obsession because i first played the game in 2015 and i wasn't a fan; i thought the characters were annoying and the gameplay was lacking. but a few months ago i randomly decided to watch a playthrough of the quarry and that made me want to give until dawn another chance, and now...... yeah. idk what happened here but now it's all i can think about lmao. but being able to talk about the game with other people is sooo fun and i'm really happy i did this!! 💖

#flashing tw #minamill #asks #nonsims #brandi answers

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manty-monster · 1 year

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It's always messed me up how manageable some symptoms of BPD could be with the right communication and understanding of the mental illness.

It's a disability, and like many disabilities, there are accessibility options, and there are concessions that can be made, knowledge that can be expanded on. Having a relationship when you have a disability can be work; sometimes, you or your partner may have to help each other. This shouldn't be different for mental disabilities.

So I wanted to come up with some basic practices that can help you if you or your loved one has BPD.

disclaimer - this is one person with BPD's opinion and may not be true for everyone, communication is key, BPD is a complex but manageable illness.

Understanding what a trigger is, neurobiologically. When a person with BPD has a trigger, their brain floods with chemicals, driving them into panic. The things they say and do should be taken under that consideration. This is not to say dismiss what's being said. There is still a conscious mind behind the words and the things and those topics may hint at a core insecurity that should be discussed later, but understand on a conscious level that your loved one may not necessarily be in a clear state of mind.

Stop responding to everything at face value. Building off #1, once you recognize that your partner is emotionally compromised, with a disorder that creates black and white thinking aka splitting, or heightened emotional responses, you can't respond to everything in the same way you would respond to a casual question. If your partner hits you with the classic "Are you mad at me?" that should be a cue to you to try and explore that more deeply.

Initiate open communication. ☆ Which brings us to communication. Open, loving communication has to come from a place of empathy first and foremost. It requires briefly stepping into your partner's shoes in communication. It's not easy to steel your immediate reaction when someone says something untrue or hurtful to you, but it does become easier if you can recognize the emotional meaning behind words as well as the literal meaning. "Are you mad?" becomes helpful inside-shorthand for "Hey, I'm feeling insecure right now. Could you help me manage that?" rather than a frustrating phrase. I had to put a star there because holy shit is it important to understand emotive communication, heightened emotions, and cognitive empathy/perspective-taking when communicating with someone with BPD. This one's gonna involve some metacognition, folks.

Calming techniques. As you learn more about each other, try to include learning what calms you or your partner down. Comforting/soothing actions can help the chemicals from being triggered or splitting to dissipate faster. Learning what makes your partner calm or happy will go a long way towards easy caring management of some symptoms. While things like "Please calm down" can make things much worse, a simple "Can you tell me about [aspect of their special interest]?" "Do you want me to turn my webcam on?" "Can I put [favorite band/show] on?" "Do you want to be held?" are much more personal, show you have an interest in helping them feel better, and can diffuse a situation. Context matters, of course. Sometimes all that's needed is "I'm listening, I love you."

Understand your partner's symptoms. Looking up symptoms of BPD and understanding them is crucial to understanding what is going on. For instance, people with BPD have a warped sense of object permanence, and sending small messages while you're away can be a way to manage this. Rejection sensitivity, which is also seen in other neurodiversities like ADHD, autism, and CPTSD (which shares like 99% of symptoms and cause with BPD), can be managed by establishing a vocabulary together to navigate rejection, trust, and symptom recognition.

Understand your partner. Every person is different, and their history and trauma are unique. Some people with BPD were neglected and abandoned, while others were parentified or victims of other forms of abuse. Many people with BPD have other comorbid neurodivergences. It's important to be curious about your own and your partner's minds. Preventing a trigger is much better than resolving one. Knowing the things that could cause yourself or your partner to split or experience another symptom can allow you to discuss it beforehand, even set up a plan to prevent it. This can include making plans for things to do in your or their absence, having an object to hold to help remember that you or they are loved (such as a bracelet or stuffed animal), or setting an alarm or using post-it notes to remember important dates or schedules. Using self-aids is a good thing!

TLDR: So much of BPD can be almost totally mitigated with empathy, pre-planning, and understanding. Having a partner with a mental illness isn't always easy, but we could be doing a lot better for people with CPTSD/BPD, and frankly, for anyone with a mental or physical disability than we are right now with leave him sis dating culture. Obviously, this whole post depends on both people being able to introspect enough to enact these things. If you have BPD, mindfulness, CBT (the therapy kind), and DBT can be very helpful for consciously managing your way through triggers.

Sources:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35357883/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3182008/

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/January-2022/Understanding-Mental-Illness-Triggers

https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/bjc.12216

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202006/is-it-borderline-personality-disorder-or-is-it-really-complex-ptsd

https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/how-ptsd-cptsd-and-bpd-can-impact-relationships

https://mark-havens.medium.com/understanding-cognitive-empathy-the-key-to-better-relationships-and-communication-8b3ea7a4370c

https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6026651/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/affective-perspective-taking

you made it this far heres a cool storm i saw from a plane

#mentalhealth #BPD #CPTSD #relationships #triggers #trauma #empathy #communication.#dont follow me this isn't my usual content #check bio #stop giving up on your partners with disabilities before making accessibility provisions.#idk how long ive had this one stewing in my brain #🔮🔍📑ᵐᵃⁿᵗʸᵖᵒˢᵗ✔️🔮

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blueskittlesart · 2 years

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My knowledge of the French Revolution and the Russian Revolution are two of the biggest things stopping me from not liking king Rhoam as a character (even though there are plenty of other reasons). The idea that the second those two rulers puting their family before their people as one of the reasons revolutionary war broke out solidifies the idea as for WHY king Rhoam wasn’t as supportive of Zelda as he wanted to be (his journal in hyrule castle combined with small details in the way he acts in certian cutscenes confirms this for me). When he was king, he was forced to put on a serious persona as to not let anyone think their king was too soft to be a ruler. As the old man, he’s allowed to let loose and act as himself. What’s your opinion on this opinion I have (don’t worry, I don’t get upset over having different opinions and headcanons from someone else)

quite honestly i think this is a fucking insane thing to say. to suggest that the circumstances surrounding the french and russian revolutions are at all comparable to botw hyrule is just. genuinely insane to me?? the french and russian aristocrats were not overthrown because they were "prioritizing family" they were overthrown because they were hoarding wealth and viciously exploiting lower economic classes for their own gain. holy shit. do i really have to spell out how Being Nice To Your Teenage Daughter is not the same as literally hoarding money for you and your equally rich and corrupt extended family members while leaving poor citizens to starve and die? am i fucking interpreting this wrong?? PLEASE tell me im interpreting this wrong. jesus

whether or not rhoam had to put on a tough exterior to the public is irrelevant to me. he had no right to be so blatantly apathetic and uncompassionate towards zelda. she was sixteen years old. she was his CHILD. I don't doubt that he loved her, but he allowed public opinion to push him into borderline emotional abuse and that's literally not acceptable no matter what. parents should not take out work stress on their kids, period, and that's what it was. work stress that he pushed onto zelda and then absolutely refused to see just how much it was hurting her.

you say he's "allowed to let loose" as the old man and like. need i remind you that he still asks a traumatized seventeen year old to save his kid. i do understand there is nuance here as link is supposedly the only one capable of killing ganon. HOWEVER. i have this thing called common sense in my brain which tells me that asking a seventeen year old to fight an undying hell monster is a bad move no matter what. I think that at best, rhoam sees both link and zelda as a means to an end--protecting hyrule (and saving zelda post-calamity) instead of like. real human beings with feelings. at worst, he is conscious of the fact that he is actively traumatizing two children and continues to do it anyway because he is worried about what his kingdom will think of him. public opinion is more important to him than the well-being of his own child, and that makes him even fucking worse in my eyes.

#PUTTING FAMILY FIRST STARTED THE RUSSIAN REVOLUTION.... GIRL.#this is the boldest thing anyone has ever said to my communist ass. im goingto lose my goddamn mind.#my mother has a masters degree in russian studies dont make me whip out the russian history books. im going to lose my mind #like. please tell me the rest of you are with me here. this is an insane comparison is it not.#asks #zelda analysis #im going to be thinking about this ask for the rest of my life fr

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deludedfantasy · 10 months

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Trimax Vol.2

Hello! I’ve been lurking in the book club so far but I wanted to jump in the ring and add my own thoughts to the mix. Fun fact: I actually binge read the manga about two weeks, but read it so fast I didn’t absorb much. I’m taking this as an opportunity to read it more slowly and really savor it, and hopefully understand it a little more. My first experience was fun, but I was also a little confused by the end.

I certainly can’t compare to some of amazing analyses I’ve read so far, but here are some thoughts!

Ch1

WOW. What an opening. This only gets more horrifying on reread. I was actually very confused the first go around because I thought Midvalley was the one shoving all those people in the trucks and squashing them and my knowledge of him from 98 did NOT fit this at all. It was a great way to reintroduce Legato though

I’m STILL wondering who this giant person is that’s carrying Legato around in his Iron Maiden. Just another Knives minion I guess?? They got put on Legato babysitting duty

Ch2

Well, Legato is somehow more unhinged than before

Genuinely sometimes feel like Legato mauling that steak when I’m reading this manga though

Love when Vash and Wolfwood are being stupid together. Also Vash driving is me when I drive

Vash’s ridiculous greeting Rai Dei is preceded by him having a Very Serious moment staring at the empty town. I appreciate the ability this manga has to insert moments of humor into otherwise incredibly serious situations without it being jarring. 10/10 great character and storytelling

Death skull rollerblades??? Death skull rollerblades!!!

I really like this panel of Vash, right after Rai Dei reveals he knows about the colony. Something about how most of his face is obscured, it really underscores how terrifying Vash can be. Every time something he loves is threatened, he gets very, very scary very fast and the way Nightow shows this is just amazing

Ch3

The cover for this chapter is on point

Not actually sure what Wolfwood is saying here? He’s going to help Vash…because the Gung Ho Guns are inhuman humans? They’re too determined and this will take too long?

Vash acrobatics!! Big fan of Vash acrobatics!!

He just won a fight but he’s such a goofball about it

Ch4

“C’mon. Leading a normal life, it’s not so bad, y’know.” He’s speaking from experience and this line makes me kinda sad. He really liked it, but he had to give it up to do the right thing :(

You know, for some of the backstories of the Gung Ho Guns, it makes sense where they got their abilities from. Like Monev and Rai Dei obviously trained for years and years to become these expert fighters. But for the others, like Dominique and Legato, I’m constantly wondering where they picked up what are essentially supernatural abilities without being plants or something. Though this may just be the fact that I saw tristamp first talking, since they do explain that there.

WHAT? How did I not notice Rai Dei had a gunblade??? My favorite ridiculous anime weapon

Also, uh oh Wolfwood’s done it now

Holy shit, did Vash just punch him?!?!

Hmmmm, oh yes, this scene made me lose my mind when I first read it (last week lol). Wolfwood trying to prove a point about making tough decisions by making Vash literally put a gun to his head and calling Vash a coward for refusing to kill and get his hands dirty

Unfortunately, it also confuses the hell out of me because it feels like they’re having multiple conversations at once and I can’t pick up on maybe more than half of one.

But!! The thing that stands out to me: Vash calls Wolfwood out, saying that he knows he’s better than this, that he wants better than this, but he’s so scared of hoping that he becomes a devil instead. I love how these two really see each other. Even when Wolfwood is kinda scared of Vash, he’s trying to understand him more than anything, and though he struggles, he does see him and get him

On a lighter note…Ahhh yes, the girls are back!! I’ve missed them the past few chapters.

Ch5

Oh no, Wolfwood’s dream :( It makes me so, so sad. He just really doesn’t think there’s any way for him to go back or wash his hands clean

The tone shifts are honestly masterful. Wolfwood goes from having a horrible nightmare to slapstick comedy because Vash crashed Angelina again

Gotta love that Wolfwood just dumps Vash facedown on that couch

Oh my god, Vash, you have a concussion, what are you doing!! Why did Wolfwood just leave him there on his own? I know they haven’t spent that much time together, but does Wolfwood not know him at all? Vash will get into Situations if left to his own devices.

Hmmm, Rob’s situation really underscores the argument Vash and Wolfwood were having last chapter. Especially his father’s line about not everyone being able to gamble with their lives so easily

Jesus, Wolfwood is terrified of Vash. I thought on my first read that this is a bit of an overreaction to this situation, but thinking on it again, after Fifth Moon and seeing all the crazy shit Vash can do, it has to be scary to see a guy who’s hurt and reeling and still manages to cause massive damage. So yeah, can’t really blame him for wondering what kind of monster he’s gotten himself involved with

But then he’s reminded…Vash is also just some silly guy who really likes food. Ah, the duality of man and monster. Again, the tone shift from Wolfwood having serious thoughts of fear and doubt to Vash being a certified goofball.

Ch6

The opening of this chapter is great. We get a little bit of Wolfwood’s backstory and start to understand how dark it is. Who shot him as a child? Where did he come from? But also, we find out he has a deep conviction to stay alive

You know, I completely forgot Rei Dei threatened the colony two chapters ago because for a hot sec I was really confused why they’d been traveling so hard and why the hell they’re on this weird contraption right now.

What’s interesting to me about what Wolfwood says here—about living his life the way he does, about the reason he kills—is because he’s doing it to protect something. Just reminds me of that bit of Stampede where Vash asks Wolfwood if he has something he wants to protect above anything else. And how protect has a different meaning to each of them—for Wolfwood it’s about who he’d kill for and for Vash it’s about what he would do to save them. Idk, there might be more there but I’m having a hard time explaining it.

Vash has a moment of doubt in front of Wolfwood! He admits he’s not always sure of what he’s doing. I kind of read Wolfwood’s silence as him not knowing what to say to that because he wasn’t expecting that

Okay, but how hidden is this place really if there’s a platform and an elaborate construction to get into it. Are you telling me no one has stumbled on it before and wondered where it led?

Vash is so afraid when he opens the door! His first thought is of all the horrors his enemies have promised to him and he doesn’t know if he can face it

Look at him!! He’s so sweet! He’s relieved and immediately goes to play with the kids. (While Wolfwood just poses lol)

Oh god, he gets teary eyed, he’s so happy! How rarely have people reacted to his presence with joy or care?

How dare!! This was cruel. Crueler then if he’d walked in on corpses. He’s literally given something he wants so deeply and then has it snatched away

Ch7

Wolfwood really went, “I’m done listening to your bullshit” and interrupted Leonof’s evil villain speech. Respect.

Ooooh, Wolfwood did it because he was angry. He felt Leonof was too cruel! He cares so much about Vash already.

Hey um so…did Leonof just say his puppets used to be people?!?! That he dissected while they were alive?!?!?! Yeah, no wonder this guy is unimaginably cruel.

Oh, Vash is angry. I love how he’s drawn when he’s like this. He disappears behind his glasses and his face gets very still. That’s when you know he means business.

Vash is crying blood!? And he’s so angry he’s emanating some weird aura that paralyzes Wolfwood and emits a “sensation of death.” I’m actually having trouble finding the words to describe how I feel because this is a very different Vash from the one we’re used to. It’s jarring and terrifying to see him like this. And that feeling also reminds Wolfwood again that Vash isn’t human, something Wolfwood is very fixated on.

Despite that, when Gray the Ninelives appears and Wolfwood makes eye contact with Vash, he doesn’t immediately go to shooting him! We’re making progress already.

That’s that for this volume! Excited to get started on the next one and see how the big showdown with Leonof goes!

#trigun #trigunbookclub

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not-close-to-straight · 10 months

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Did you like the new Indiana Jones movie?

Mmmm.....yes. Mostly. Because it's an Indiana Jones movie and it's Harrison Ford and I love it. The theme song plays and I get goose bumps. I love his wit, his intelligence, his bravery, his loyalty, his dedication to preserving history and the way Harrison Ford's eyes have never lost their sparkle. In the beginning flashback scene where he looks young I actually went "Oh my Mr. Ford".

I can't imagine how difficult it is to write the final chapter of a character like Indiana Jones, I mean whether people have watched the movies or not there are some scenes that are so iconic they've made their way into pop culture and into countless other movies and shows and comedy bits-- and tying up that story with a satisfying conclusion and arc, with just enough fan service to make the long time fans feel seen and appreciated but enough modernity to keep the series from wallowing in the 'yeah it's totally fine to slap women when they get on your nerves' dynamic that the earliest ones had, with enough emotion to make it feel properly respectful of the characters legacy but enough action to keep from being boring--

I can't imagine how difficult that project would have been to undertake, and holy shit do I appreciate the effort that went into it.

That being said though-- and with no spoilers-- it was about 90% the story I wanted to see but not the ending I wanted to see at all.

There were some parts that fell really flat in my opinion. There were some opportunities for much deeper emotional arcs that were abandoned entirely in favor of quick jokes or random scenes. Plot points that should have been emphasized but were mentioned in a throw away line at the last minute just to make sense of whatever happened next. I mean at one point its like "OH NO FRAMED FOR MURDER?!" and then it was literally never mentioned again.

One of the best things about the Indiana Jones movies for me (as a huge history nerd) has always been the attention to detail, the tiniest of scraps of knowledge that totally change a plot outcome and that was certainly lacking here. And then on the other hand, especially in the beginning there was way too MUCH detail, it was so muddled up with too many characters (who were ultimately meaningless after the first act) and sort of crazy long actions scenes that meant NOTHING after it was done so it felt like a waste of effort.

The hardest part for me was the supposed climax of the film being... nothing? Like sort of nothing. The action was building and building and it was really intense and I was so sure I knew what was going to happen (in a good way, I was very excited for it) and then when I realized what was ACTUALLY happening I went "wait. seriously?" and then "wait seriously?" a couple more times.

And I understand the lesson they were TRYING to impart on both Indy and the viewers but it wasn't actually the lesson you'd THINK the movie was trying to impart and was actually one that nobody had really brought up at all yet? It was like a surprise lesson.

ALSO it did the "action action action how on earth will we fix it-- fade to black-- its all fixed now" and that always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Overall, I mean it's an Indiana Jones movie. Of course I love it. I spent my entire childhood watching them on repeat with my older brothers, it never bothered me to be watching "old action movies" they were always the most fun movies I could ever imagine and I'm sure that like, lifelong rewatching nostalgia probably tainted some of my expectations of the new one.

I just feel like there's usually two options for retiring an action hero and it's 1) kill him off in a blaze of glory or 2) make sure the adventure never ends ie: he's always riding off into the sunset chasing another cool thing.

There's Secret Option Number Three which is to have the hero retire peacefully and live out the rest of his life in quiet BUT depending on the hero, that isn't always the most satisfying end.

Like for Tony Stark? I would spill blood to ensure that guy got to retire with Pep and Morgan and live to the ripe old age of 90 before passing peacefully in his sleep.

James Bond? The adventure needed to just go on and on and on.

Um.... Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible? Go out in a blaze of glory.

And I know which of those options I'd prefer for Indiana but (no spoilers) it isn't the one they chose for the movie.

Anyway. I'm rambling so I'll stop.

BUT a week is Standard Non Spoiler Time for my blog, so if you want to talk about it in greater detail next weekend I can word-vomit for days about the movie and character!

#indiana jones

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ao3-hp-fanfic-reader · 1 year

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All HP fanfic on AO3 ranked by kudos #3

Manacled by Senlinyu

Ok. So. This is a heavy one. Not just for content, but for literally everything. First off I’ll just get into a basic summary of the plot. So in this au Voldemort won the war with Harry Potter and kills him. The remainder of the order are either killed, or if they’re women, they are turned into slaves purposed to help repopulate the wizarding world. Hermione is sent to Draco malfoy to be raped until she is pregnant because she has some memories and that are locked in her mind that a magical pregnancy might unlock. Word count is 370,515. Main ship is dramione. Trigger warnings: rape, assault, gore, major character death, PTSD, panic attacks, assault, torture.

Oof so after reading that I’m sure you’re wondering, but how can they make Draco and Hermione end up together if he repeatedly assaults her? Well dear readers, that is what I like to call a fucked up relationship. I would’ve enjoyed this fic a whole lot more if I knew it wasn’t going to end with dramione as endgame. I understand why the author wanted that to happen, she put the readers and the characters through so much I suppose she felt like they deserve a happy ending. However, considering the circumstances of the fic, I do not think it should’ve happened that way.

One thing I really really enjoyed about this fic was the writing structure. The first 25 chapters follow Hermione through her surrogacy enslavement with Malfoy after the war is over. After that are 75 chapters of flashbacks to Hermione during the war written in chronological order. After learning all this crucial information we are brought back to present day and the post-war life with Hermione as a Surrogate slave, but knowledgeable about the past. Holy shit it was so cool. While I was reading the flashbacks I kept remembering the situation present Hermione was in and getting to excited for what it all meant when it tied back together. Really well done.

Obviously what I didn’t like was the relationship. I’ll be honest, I do not enjoy hetero ship fics so I’m probably very biased in writing this so take it all with a grain of salt. There is a bit of smut both consensual and non consensual but nothing too graphic. It’s pretty light for a rape fic. The relationship was very deep and confusing with the war and trauma. Because of this, I feel like it would’ve been a better ending if dramione didn’t work out and they parted ways rather than staying together. It’s a bit stokholmy and I don’t think it’s a healthy relationship.

The characterization makes a lot of sense. For the most part. I do feel like Draco is out of character in places, mostly when he does things in aid of other people not himself, I feel like his loyalties and allegiance is very confusing and not explained enough why it is the way it is. Hermione is very different from the books but it is completely justified by the context of the fic. The author kept a consistent character base and developed her well from there.

I’m a bit annoyed at the end because there was a moment where i felt like the author didn’t really know how to save all her characters because of the intricate rules of her universe, so she just wrote the answer into existence. It felt really cheap to me. The answer to all their problems literally appeared in one chapter and oh my god they never thought of it before because it was a secret that no one knew about. I didn’t like it that much.

So this fic succeeded in confusing me. I think the author is very talented and has a beautiful sturucture to her story. However I morally disagree with the relationship how it is presented in the fic. If the relationship had panned out differently maybe I would’ve liked it more, but it didn’t. I would say read it if you’re super into dramione because it’s a staple in the dramione subculture. (Literally people print it out in hardback copies). If you’re triggered by rape obviously dont read it. It’s a long process but a very cool au, so read it for the discussion topic, but otherwise maybe skip this one.

#manacled #dramione #senlinyu #hp fanfic #ao3 fanfic #ao3 link #au #postwar au #Harry Potter #dark fic #the handmaid's tale

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dogcodedcatboy · 4 months

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🦅, 🗣️, and 🐕 !! also au where aaron works at w.aystar sounds soo so fun omg

WEEEEEEEEEEEEE

🦅How good are their friends at being wingmen? Do they even help at all or just sit back watching the pining with a bag of popcorn?

AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT AARONS FRIENDS OH BOY...

(aaron is one of like... 10 fully fleshed out ocs i have that all make up a wretched wretched friendgroup of late 20's gays and i love all of them dearly. i could literally talk abt them forever theres SOO MUCH!!! if anyone ever wants to get an earful frm me feel free to inquire bc holy hell like 10 years of oc content n my mind...)

ANYWAY... his friends are sick of his shit anyway so when he's like 'ooh new man :3c' theyre already like. shut the hell up brother. but when they meet roman...they can't help but be a /little/ charmed. they wont wingman for aaron bc his lovelife is so radioactive they dont wanna get near that shit. but tbh they do think roman is funny and he fits in with all of their senses of humor and stuff. even aarons childhood bestie (who hates everyone hes ever dated) likes roman so he gets a Good Grade in getting along w aarons housemates. so much to say on this but i'll leave it at that.

this doesn't...apply to poor roro so much bc he's like...deeply lonely...certainly no friends who he would come out to, or introduce his bf to. :(

🗣️ Who’s the one that will ramble on about their highly specific interest while the other just sits back and nods along?

i think that they both do this to some degree. aaron is the bigger culprit bc he has a lot of interests roman wouldnt know very much about (specific genres of music, culinary arts, specific horror movies), but they pretty equally yap at eachother! they both have SO MANY OPINIONS on filmbro shit...also roman is actually pretty knowledgeable on art so they can both bounce off eachother about that too! when roman talks abt work aarons eyes do tend to glaze over.

🐕: Do they have any pets together? If one of them had a pet from before their relationship how well does the pet get along with their partner? Do they have the pets approval or does said pet sit in between them and their partner any time they try to make a move?

aaron has a silly lil cat named gustav!!!! thats his baby (adopted the cat after a bad breakup and pair bonded to him Instantly) and he would take a bullet for him. roman never had animals growing up and at first was a little iffy on gustav but eventually he falls completely in love with him. before hes able to have any public pics of aaron he makes a picture of gustav his lock screen on his phone....

gus is iffy on rome at first but after about a month or so of bribery via treats he's chill...he still gets a little jealous and tries to sit between them on the couch and in bed. he also yowls like a bastard outside the door whenever hes locked out.

#asks #lore #jerome 🎥

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bondsmagii · 2 years

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I saw a meme on tumblr and it instantly made me think of you.

it was the "'oh how cute its a sheep' and I looked on in horror as its neck stretched farther and farther until I realized the abomination before me was actually an alpaca... the stretch between eldritch horror and nature is a very thin line"

but like. that's the thing about nature. maybe some of the things that we don't necessarily comprehend are still very real and very valid. personal experiences of the supernatural are incredibly valid, and its because the spectrum of nature is a pot of water, stretching from our views of "normal" (cold) and "holy fuck what is that shit?" (hot) and humans who have never had to worry about these experiences at some point or another hear the stories of those that have, and decide "this is too out of normalcy for my taste, I'm accusing it of fake"

and then there's those people that are aware of the reality behind the supernatural. they have seen it and understand, "wow. the world is so crazy, and that's what makes it so great" and are able to submerge themselves in the heat and embrace it, without hurting when the water gets hot.

and there's those, that haven't experienced it, but know in their heart. I kind of identify with the third group of people. I never experienced the strange. but when I walk down my highway at night, and I see the deer in the woods. A part of me wonders, "Is that actually a deer?"

god, yeah. a huge part of how I interact with the world is the knowledge that it's fucking wild and there's so much out there that we don't understand. I really don't get how so many people can be so closed-minded about so many things -- everything from the paranormal, to how other people experience reality, etc. it doesn't even have to be a big thing, either. I've noticed that a lot of people seem to take for granted the fact that everyone sees the world in the same way they do, and that if they don't personally experience something, nobody can -- and anyone saying they do is lying for whatever reason. for example, I have a few posts going around about dreams I've had, and in one of them, the dream involved reading. so many people were rude to me in the notes because "you can't read in dreams!! this is fake!!" like... I've been able to read fluently in my dreams for my whole life. I can read books in dreams. the words all stay the same. I can quite literally read in my dreams, and while this isn't common, it is not impossible either. plenty of people can. it probably has something to do with the fact that I read 4 hours a day, so for my brain it is not difficult to imagine. but because a lot of people can't do it, they assume nobody can. it's the same with pretty much everything.

it seems silly to say that "everyone experiences life differently" is a controversial take, but it's become abundantly clear to me over the years that it is. it seems that nobody can wrap their head around this fact, and increasingly often, I see emphasis put on things like the "universal" human condition or experience, and just... there's no such thing. I've had a lot of time to come to terms with this because for my whole life I've been experiencing the apparently impossible, and even the way I exist is apparently impossible to some (the way I perceive reality, certain things about my identity, etc). I've also always been in the extreme minority with a lot of things, and lacked the need for things that people claim is essential to humanity, and just... man. it's exhausting how concerned people are about potentially faking things. it's really self-absorbed. like, why would I fake huge aspects of my own life that I don't even share because it's private, just to lie to you? it makes no fucking sense.

#anon #asks

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captainsspnanon · 2 years

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C2E61 - Agreements - rewatch

Holy fucking shit am I actually heading back into my C2 rewatch????

I’d say ‘I have no excuse’, but this is a fun watch for me, and I needed a break from it, so excuses aren’t even a thing that’s needed!

Oh god travis the high pitched voice whyyyyyyyyy

also I recognize Liam’s hoodie, this is when he had the shoulder surgery, and Marisha grabs his shoulder then gives him money for failing a bet.

OKAY well now I KNOW it’s been too long since my rewatch. The shot when to Sam for the ad bit, and I was very confused momentarily that he wasn’t all the way on the left of top table.

How did I entirely forget about Sam’s retribution-roast of Liam and Ashley (and also Sam)????? This is so funny I literally had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. AND I JUST FORGOT THAT IT HAD EXISTED.

Marisha was pretty smooth in how she had Beau bring up scrying as a possibility for the fabric swatch without feeling meta-gamey. It makes sense with Beau’s background that she would have read about the possibilities of scrying. There’s been instances in all the campaigns where there’s a bit of the meta-knowledge at this level, sometimes the players are good about integrating it (such as here), other times it’s very much “hey remember that spell that SOMEONE used all the time last campaign?” which, you know, VALID, but also pulls you out of the immersion. I’m trying to think of who I would rank best to worst about it, but I honestly don’t think I can? I can think of examples of all of them doing it well AND doing it ‘poorly’. (For the record, there are very very few instances that I actually care about in terms of metagaming bothering me. It happens once in a blue moon, but usually I am completely fine with dismissing any concerns regarding it.)

Torog – the Crawling King. I don’t remember if we actually ended up getting anywhere with this plot point. Did the dude (Vence? I can’t remember his name of the top of my head) think that he was helping Torog when he was actually helping Tharizdun under the cult of the Angel of Irons? TO THE WIKI. Okay okay okay, so he’s the dude where the Laughing Hand comes from, okay. And he’s the reason for the King’s Cage and all that stuff…. Researching into Vence (I did get the name right, yay!) doesn’t provide much fruitful info. He’s reading all about Torog, but involved in the Angel of Irons cult which is technically for Tharizdun, but no clear clarification on who he thought it was for. So I’m gonna go ahead and assume that Vence DID want to raise Torog again, which holy fucking shit bad enough, but got Tharizdun instead. Well….maybe he was just confused by the cult stuff and thought he WAS worshiping the Angel of Irons, but needed the Laughing Hand for it which he knew was with the Torog stuff………….my brain hurts

I feel like this is the first time that Beau mentions that she ascribes to the Knowing Mistress. *checks transcripts* First time she told the party, at least. She also looked for a symbol of Ioun when they were at the merrow cave, and then prayed to Ioun outside Assarius when the Roc flew over. I remember on Talks she mentioned that Beau had done it more as of a ‘well it can’t hurt’ type of thing. I wonder if this is the same, offhandedly mentioned your religion when you’re not really observant or anything at all but it’s still a definition of you technically, or if maybe Marisha was considering doing more with Beau’s relationship with the gods. I feel like Marisha would have a very interesting take on a cleric or paladin which would be fun to see. However, not entirely sure if that’s within her comfort zone. (which, if true, I GET. I’m interesting in playing a cleric KIND OF but then also just not with the RP aspect of it. Maybe eventually. Right now, I’ll stick with my Magical Girl TM circle of stars druid)

Oh Yasha. My feels. Also, the moment where Beau backs off of actively pursuing/having interest.

Whenever Caduceus leans towards a lie it’s always a bit disconcerting. He’s the one who initiates making the ‘armor’ the giants used look banged up like they’d fought. Feels more like a Taliesin thought than a Cad thought. But I suppose that’s one of the more complicated parts of Caduceus, is his relationship with honesty and the truth, as well as his interactions with deception and lies. He’s certainly comfortable the majority of the time with the Nein telling either abbreviated, edited, or just completely inaccurate versions of the truth. To quote him himself, it’s rare that he “dip[s his] toe into the world of deceit” as his first intent.

YUP THERE IT IS oh the instant realization from Marisha and the grimace from Liam. Very sucky situation all around, but everyone knows no harm was meant, so I can watch it years later and laugh.

Seeming!!! I’ll be honest, this is a spell that I really had no clue why Caleb took it. After the wrap up, I can understand, but it still seems a bit out of place. Or rather, the fact that he has it prepared frequently seems out of place. No complaints though, the Seeming shenanigans have been consistently funny!

LOL at Marisha desperately hoping that Matt actually has a copy of the letter and then Matt laughing at her that she gets to make it up.

BEAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU even more feeeeels. Also lol there’s the religious aspect that I was just talking about earlier. But Beau wanting to feel special in some way, even though she doesn’t have a god taking a personal interest in her, or magical powers, or anything like that. I find it truly so fascinating how Marisha took two very different concepts of ‘special’ for her PCs. Keyleth is so truly on a destined path that it haunts her with every step she takes, whereas Beau is so far from some clearly defined ‘destined path’ that she feels left behind or abandoned (by the gods, destiny, what have you, as well as by her father quite literally). Both of them work so hard to determine who they are and what that means to them, with such opposing viewpoints and plot narratives. (without going into detail for those who have not seen, even her C3 PC has a new take on the concept of special and what it means to the PC, with even more different viewpoints and plot narratives.)

I forgot the Gentleman had more work for them. Checked out the wiki, looks like they never do it or maybe even find out what it is. I wonder if Matt would have had it tie into the Angel of Irons cult or another narrative plot they had, or if it just would have been a random make gold sidequest. Oh, undiscovered story, you are so enticing.

The Gold Chain Mercenary Company. Once again, another tantalizing aspect of Wildemount that we NEVER GET AROUND TO. EVER. (as much as I joke, I actually really enjoy these small name drops and ideas. It keeps the world fleshed out and breathing, while at the same time NOT acting like a video game where you have to go explore everything in order to complete A, B, and C.)

(and if they never come up again, I propose they got the name because every hired mercenary has a gold chained pocket watch that they carry around all dapper across the chest)

Still weird hearing Matt have the Wildmother answer Caduceus directly instead of with breezes and temperatures. XD

Fjord loses his powers and the next few minutes are just the table making a variety of gasping noises I LOVE IT

We’ll see if I succeed in actually paying attention consistently, but just from this moment, it does feel like there is a very clear differentiation between Texan!Fjord and British!Fjord. Hindsight, I remember late campaign Fjord seeming a different character than early campaign Fjord, though I attributed it to just the accent change (and the unconscious biases held towards the two types of accents). Plus, you know, normal character growth throughout the campaign. Fjord becomes much more open with the Nein after abandoning his patron, after all. It’s a very deliberate change. But I’m going to try to keep an eye on it more this time around, see how much actually is impacted.

OMG Fjord hiding his sword under the bed!! I shouldn’t be laughing at the probable internalized shame and desire to keep things secret and hidden, but it’s also funny.

Liam trying to text Yasha instead of Ashley is ADORABLE.

It’s interesting to watch Travis for all of this bit. He’s usually the hype man, super invested in others scenes, and I’d say Travis is 50/50 about staying in character versus breaking. But from basically the opening of the episode, he’s been down, contemplative, withdrawn. There’s a decent chance that it’s Travis worrying about what he’ll do, but it FEELS like he’s just staying in character as Fjord freaking out. And you know me, I love that shit!

(LOL and just a few minutes later Travis is back to his usually reactionary self. Luckily, I love it too!)

The Nein and their poor persuasion rolls. T.T

To be fair to them, it actually works quite well narratively. Waccoh fully had made a complete deal with them before, and they kept trying to change it after. For her to deny their requests makes complete sense within the story. Plus, unlimited access to the library? For, not only a HUMAN, but an obvious Zemnian? And a known magic user???? I feel even if they’d made the highest persuasion roll possible it would still be a no, but for a more limited access.

Maruo, not to be confused with Marwa (also not spelled Mauro like I was spelling it before WHICH MAKES MORE SENSE HONESTLY). Also, I like that she only starts flirting with Fjord after he compliments her shop. Can’t even put a reason to why, just something about it feels realistic.

This Yasha/Fjord interaction on the way to Wursh’s is FASCINATING to me. I don’t know why it’s hitting so much, but something about this stilted awkwardness and multiple levels of deception….for some reason it really struck me in this moment that this is the same best buddies from C1, and that this group is full of phenomenal actors. (also Yasha’s accent. I haven’t given Ashley much credit for it throughout my recaps, but it really IS good, it remains subtle but present the entire time, and is a voice that just lends so much weight to the character.)

Travis really did make the choice to play Fjord as relatively understated. His relief and happiness at his powers coming back is visible, but if you’re unaware of the reason there’s no chance you could speculate why. And Travis really ties it with small facial expressions and just a bit of relief and giddiness in his voice. Now in comparison, I can say that I really love seeing him play a more steady type of PC (and honestly SUCH a perfect fit for C2). With Grog and C3 (blah I still don’t know how much I’m refraining from putting C3 stuff in the posts or not), his PCs are much more exaggerated in their speech and interactions. Not less TRUE, both of them have such honesty to them that it never feels like mugging at the table, but just so more more presentory than Fjord.

Moments where Fjord is open and honest are so genuinely touching and really do tie into the overarching character growth of Fjord overcoming toxic masculinity (an interpretation that I’ve read several times and truly agree with. I doubt Travis started out deciding that’s how Fjord was going to work, but it’s a beautiful acceptance of himself and what masculinity and identity means to him and so that’s what we got).

XHORHOUSE XHORHOUSE XHORHOUSE (also I personally prefer the Xhorhaus spelling, but Xhorhouse was confirmed via the animated special so OKAY)

Fun fact! Towards the end of the campaign, I had thought that Matt had changed Essek’s accent and was mildly bothered by it. Now rewatching, nope. I was just being an idiot, it’s totally the same accent.

And now we have the famous Essek float! Made up solely because the group could NOT let go of it, and so Matt changed his original answer of having it be just a very smooth walk. Very cool, and very cool of Matt to just lean in and go ‘yeah fuck it he floats’

“Hug my wife, bitch.”

So begins the rebirth of Essek Thelyss – from The Shadowhand, to the eventual member of The Might Nein, all because of a hug. Not bad for a 24 persuasion roll.

#critical role #the mighty nein #cr c2 rewatch

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corvidshipping · 2 years

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something i have recently gained self confidence in is surprisingly my intelligence. which is like the last thing i ever expected to gain self confidence in, for two reasons.

those being that i’ve kind of lived most of my adolescent and adult life thinking of myself as pretty average intelligence at best (i kind of thought of myself as super smart as a kid but i honestly chalked that up to me generally having a big ego when i was young). and tbh that’s a common thing for ppl with adhd so that may be part of it bc my own adhd always made me think of myself as this lazy, unambitious, unmotivated, unintelligent person before i had the words to describe it and tbh even still having the words and knowledge to explain it. but it’s also an inherent thing. like people called me smart and stuff but i didn’t believe them bc i figured they said that bc i read a lot when i was a kid (as in i would literally get in trouble for reading TOO much when i wasn’t supposed to. and also why did i read the dictionary for fun), and i was good at english/language bc it came very easily to me and bc i could spout information but tbh that’s not being smart imo, it’s just remembering things. and ppl would be like you’re smart bc you learned japanese on your own without any tutor or anything, or bc you memorized jabberwocky when you were 10, or bc you would have full conversations when you were like 7 about the symbolism and foreshadowing in h*rry p*tter. but tbh? id always be like “thank you” but in my head kind of diminish it because like. it’s been a decade and im still not anywhere close to fully fluent in japanese, let alone even passing my JLPT5, and memorizing one seven stanza poem is honestly not exactly going to get me into mensa. and i always passed the latter off as me just spouting the things i would hear other ppl say back at my mom so i discredited it. and the other reason is that being very smart is just not my main goal. and holy shit please don’t take that as me saying being smart isn’t good or anything, obviously it’s valuable and a good goal to have and we should always seek to improve our knowledge and you should only stop learning when you’re dead. but like. while it’s something i value it’s just? not my main goal. if i had the ultimatum between being really really smart but not a very nice person, or being kind of dumb but being a good hearted person, i would always pick the latter. my main value is just Being A Good Person, seeking to do right even if you don’t always do perfect. being kind to people and being someone ppl can trust. i do think intelligence is a good, great thing to have but honestly it’s not even the thing i seek out most in other people. like i really would prefer anyone i hang around to have basic common sense but tbh? if you aren’t that book smart or maybe you kind of don’t make connections in your head all the time it is really not something i notice unless it becomes like, a genuine problem that prevents you from advancing or you somehow hurt other people. i really would rather hang with someone who’s at their core a kind person than anything else. so like it kind of hurt to think of myself as not smart but i really tried not to think abt it much bc in the end it is not my main goal or my foremost core value.

but like i’m kind of meeting more ppl lately. and i’ve been like, less sheltered for a while now like since i was 16 so idk why this is happening more NOW but ever since i moved states it feels like i’ve been realizing this more. i’ve been meeting a lot of different ppl especially at my job and like. given where i work you’d expect a ton of crazy smart people to come through and they definitely do, lots of fascinating conversations about culture and art and im realizing that i can actually hold conversations with them and i actually get what they’re saying even if it’s not about something i already understood. which is part of it. but also. oh my god this is gonna sound so mean. but i’m realizing that i am also… smarter than a lot of people i encounter. and i’m realizing maybe the reason i always thought of myself as not smart is because i only ever had smart people to compare myself to. because i said before i was very sheltered growing up, i didn’t really go to school (i cringe to imagine what it would have been like if i had, being neurodivergent. all the ‘smart but doesn’t apply themself’ notes id have gotten), i barely had friends (i had a few scattered playmates honestly, except for maybe one family in florida) and i never had a close one until i was 7 and never talked to them about serious things till i was 10 or 11. i didn’t know really any of my extended family. i pretty much only regularly interacted with my direct family from childhood till i was maybe 16 or 17. so like, laying it out. my mom is super fucking smart, quick as a whip and witty as fuck and she’s the reason i’m so good at language and had the forethought to speak french to me since i was a baby so even though i don’t speak it, that helped with my neuroelasticity and capacity to learn language even if she didn’t realize it. my dad is ALSO super fucking smart, spoke spanish to me like my mom did with french, knows a million instruments and always learning more and knows more coding languages than im sure of, good at math which i am very not, introduced me to a good third of my music taste (another third was my mom) which is absolutely why i listen to basically anything bc he taught me that any genre can be worth listening to, had deep philosophical conversations with me as soon as i was smart enough and old enough to start asking those questions and didn’t just tell me ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’, taught me to ask questions always even if people don’t like it. my older sisters are crazy smart in all the ways my parents are and i swear they pick up new skills the day they decide to try them. even the people i choose to hang around always tend to end up being super smart. my chosen brother is smart as hell, analyzes media like no one else his reading comprehension is off the charts. my best friend is almost through college in a fucking HARD major and every time she talks about her homework i am absolutely lost on what she’s saying and i love her for understanding it. so like. i was always thinking i was average at best because the only thing i had to compare myself to was also. other smart people. like of course i thought that. to me, my average WAS smart.

but i’m realizing basically that was really skewed. not that other people are stupid cause jesus. no. and i don’t want to seem like im putting people down or anything. im just realizing like. average is not what i thought it was. honestly even common sense isn’t what i thought it was necessarily. a lot of ppl do not make the connections i thought everyone made, or extrapolate new information based on information already given like i thought they did. because. everyone i grew up around. is smarter than me. but that doesn’t mean im stupid. it doesn’t mean anyone else is stupid. it does mean though that i had a very very skewed perception of how smart i had to be to be considered smart, and it does mean that my average is very different from other ppls. and it does mean that i am never ever letting someone try to put me down and insult and discourage me by calling me stupid or treating me like i’m unintelligent ever again. never ever again. in fact i may laugh at them bc of this.

idk. my value in life is still being nice. i’m still always gonna put that first. it’s still more important to me to care for others and share and be trustworthy and helpful and make other ppl happy than to be smart. but like it certainly fuckin helps me care for others more effectively if i’m smart cause i’ll know what to do. so i guess like. maybe i am smart

#paperheart.txt #SIGH this is long #i can’t sleep bc i keep almost getting kicked off my bed.#just a lot of realizations. growing up with stuff can really really skew your idea of the world and yourself #and the only thing that can really change it is just. going out and experiencing the world and life.#and realizing that those are not everyone else’s experiences.#i rly rly grew up thinking i was stupid af bc i didn’t know what to compare myself to and bc of a few ppl i trusted who tried to put me down

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wandas-luvr · 2 years

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Okay if we’re being real I am actually a PlayStation gamer and I only even still use my switch cus it’s portable 😔 so I only play overcooked, mario kart, and as of like last week I play cult of the lamb!! Which I’m super enjoying and I’m happy abt that bc I could not get into stardew or animal crossing but this one I vibe with

Code class was fine today thankfully!! Just a bunch of filler since my prof is actually only here temporarily and he doesn’t want to take up too much of the material from the next one so we just watched a video about door handles and exit signs

The rangers sound… interesting. No clue what a 4 seed is but that does not sound very good??? but the iPad incident is very funny and I will admit they definitely get points for that

Niners have been pretty solid recently so I’m happy with them and I’ve also been following them since I was capable of comprehending what football even is so I can’t switch it up now. Also the jets?? Why 😭 gotta give them credit bc they have a good green on their uniforms tho !! Fuck Brady all my homies hate Brady. When is that man going to retire holy hell. Also I don’t really follow baseball that much bc it’s kinda boring but I’m obligated to say I’m a giants fan bc Bay Area however I was obsessed with Jackie Robinson as a kid so I’m like mildly into the dodgers but obviously they aren’t in Brooklyn anymore so fuck the dodgers 😔 (but also they have cooler/better looking merch than the giants… it sucks being a giants fan and hating their color palette bc fuck blue and white is so much better than orange and black 😩 ) Alsoooo how are your classes going so far?? - 🦈

Double also, should I get electric berry or laser cat tmrw at dutch bros 🤔 and wtf do u get at Starbucks???? That place scares me

honestly that's a girlboss move of you, i have a playstation and a switch as well and i definitely use my playstation more lol. but omg my favorite switch game is animal crossing and i play started on my ps 🥲🥲 (i'm also the best mariokart player literally ever not to brag (perks of growing up with 3 super competitive brothers lmao))

that's good then!! i'm glad it was bearable!

so "seeding" is like a ranking so being a "4 seed" team is sort of like being in 4th place. they base your seed off of how well you did during your season, and there are 8 seeds in the nhl. so 4 seed is pretty middle of the road. (bye i'm so bad at explaining things i'm almost positive this doesn't make sense)

and yes i think about the ipad incident so often i love it sm (i'm not even like a huge kreider fan but i can admit that that was the most wonderful thing to ever happen)

that's good then! i know they definitely were not as good before, i've heard so many people shit on them 🥲🥲 but good for you for hometown pride! and the jets bc i honestly don't watch that much nfl to have backup favorite teams so i had to go with my hometown and they've been better than the giants recently

also omg okay i'm not like huge into baseball (by that i mean i have very limited knowledge, also supplied from my brothers), so idk if i have a fav??? i kinda like the padres ig?? they're the only team i relatively keep up on just bc my roomate loves them 😭😭 (lmao that's fair the giants color palette definitely needs some improvement)

they're pretty good!! i'm like fully booked at the moment (i basically took the mac amount of credits i could) bc i'm trying to finish undergrad early and i am definitely a little stressed (double majoring was not the smartest decision i could've made) 😭

also i am partial to Blue so electric berry !!! and it depends on my mood! my usual is a dirty chai latte with 3 shots of espresso, oatmilk, four pumps of vanilla, and sweet cream cold foam! but if i'm not in the mood for coffee i get a strawberry açaí refresher no berries with lemonade and a splash of passion tea :)

#🦈 anon #i love chai <333 #if you're not a coffee fan though i recommend just a regular chai latte with oat milk and vanilla (sweet cream cold foam if you're fancy)#jules answers #jules rambles

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