#hmu if you feel

[seagull-scribbles]

Taxidermy fingerprints, taxonomies our differences

[Part 2 here]

#TMNT #tmnt 2012 #casey jones 2012 #raphael hamato #raph 2012 #this is all platonic but #rasey #because I do ship them and I want the shippers to precieve me #played around with pens and colours and brushes and stuff #I have a lot going on in my head and in life and I just needed to get something out #messy and quick but effective #and I need to learn to not be such a perfectionist on here #also hands are the only part of the turtles I feel I don’t struggle with an ungodly amount #I cba painting Casey’s nails apologies #or making Raphs kind of yellow but they’re my headcanons #oh also pride month is tomorrow so #again this is platonic #but idm ralh and Casey being on the top of my blog for the ocassion until I can fix it UwU #oh also I did start the Leo the other week I’ll do that one properly #AND HELLO IF YOUVE GKT TO HERE AND YOU LIKE RASEY I THINK YOU SHOULD HMU #also of there is one of these you guys like and want me to use in a propper piece let me know cause i will

[matchboxlovers]

Don’t worry, I don’t mind if you want to squeeze ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

#first post….a little nervous :) #submisive and breedable #feeling subby #breeding bitch #breeding toy #free use kink #human fleshlight #big tiddy goth gf #hmu if you want to see more ;) #dumb slvt #fr33use slvt #cnc sub #rough cnc #cnc somno #xoxo

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

queer signalling: louis and harry living their beautiful queer lives, collected by me

since we must take note of our fellow queers when they signal that they are very much one of us, despite being closeted. since i've had a very very queer few years thanks to them, thanks to their signalling, thanks to them being brave.

(!! this list isn't exhaustive, and if i've forgotten your favorite, by all means let me know. there's always room for another edition. it's been a while since i made a compilation and felt there was a need of a new one on my blog. this one goes a few years back, since my last one dates from 2021 :'o. so yeah. here we go.)

harry in my policeman, playing a closeted queer man, based on the book that's long been one of his favorites. lauded by the director and co-stars for how well he portrayed this character, how well he understood.

harry wearing a green flower on his chest for the mp premiere, placing himself (once again) in the same line of history as oscar wilde.

louis's green flowers on his initial 28clothing jersey at the first afhf, which includes bonus roses and 28s all around

the entire late night talking mv bc!!!!!

louis's rainbow stage lights during sibwawc. he really did that. every single night.

the entire dazed magazine happening. “I’ve always tried to compartmentalise my personal life and my working life,” he explains. / “I have unlocked an ability to be myself completely, unapologetically,” he says with conviction." / “I think through my own sense of self and personal journey, I am realising that happiness isn’t this kind of end state.”

louis's gay exit songs: most notably 'ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've)'

harry flirting with stanley tucci

louis and his gay ass tank tops !!! we must point it out !!!!!!

all along

harry kissing a pride flag during harry's house ono in nyc

rainbow flare during the btm mv

harry being gifted a mask of his own face at munich n2, which prompted him to say that he feels like he's wearing a mask sometimes

28 in a triangle for 28clothing!!!!!!!!

kit connor soft launching 28 clothing. a young actor starring in a queer coming-of-age series, who was forced to come out after being accused of queerbaiting. he was the first one, besides louis, to wear 28clothing

harry's grammy's speech "people like me" (which ppl sadly misunderstood), echoing what he's been saying on tour for years. this doesn't happen to people like him. if they only knew, right?

harry's freddie-inspired outfit for the grammy carpet (which also brought back his theme for clown/jester fits, like harryween 2021 n2. wonder why)

louis's merch graphic where a boy is trying to smash a glass ceiling

harry posing for david hockney, actual living legend, gay artist of the ages. "Styles seems to know how lucky he is, adding, with a tinge of disbelief: “I’m in awe of the man with enough one-liners for a lifetime.” As to what those one-liners might be? Styles and Hockney’s mutual silence on that question suggests that what happens in the studio, stays in the studio."

louis having suspicious visuals during back to you, the only visuals of that type on tour

harry's 2022 harryween outfit: dressed as danny (literally. he did that. he went grease on us.) but wearing sandy's jacket

louis at barricade aka held safely in the arms of strong security personnel

harry singing man, i feel like a woman and still the one with shania twain. while wearing a rainbow discoball jumpsuit (parallel with kacey musgraves wearing a rainbow dress to sing it with him years ago.)

louis's gay ass merch for the away from home festival

harry dressed in nina ricci by harris reed, an explicitly gender-fluid line. "At 18 I found myself living in london creating ruffle blouses, corsets, fabric flowers and flares from my kitchen floor (...). My creations at the time were met with nothing but criticism for being “too feminine” or “costume”, teachers said I should focus on “menswear” or “womenswear”. l remember it really wasn’t until I started dressing for myself and who I was that it all clicked. @harrystyles was my first ever client who embraced the fun, fluid and expressive clothing I was creating."

continuous bluegreening. to name a few: harry's werchter fit, all this time lights, satellite caps in two colors only, louis's smiley flickering bluegreen on tour in 2022, the james cordon shit, louis in uncasville. enjoy this post here

harry's snl shoot unseens: him as ariel

louis out in amsterdam at a gay bar

harry going to the women's only swimming pond (on a day it was open for men, but this is important to me okay)

harry's use of orchids in his visuals during 'she' during love on tour '23

the 'hairy mermaid' tour visuals

harry as a mermaid during the mfasr mv. as a supreme physical manifestation of harry as the mermaid he truly is inside. but in his true form he gets chopped up and consumed. literally

as it was mv and its parallels with the matrix, hints to harry as the woman with the red dress.

louis jumping up on barricade against the one spot where a pride flag was draped over it

oh yeah that exact same thing happened in 2022 too

harry forming a skirt with a pride flag in brasil after his pants ripped

that gay ass denim getup with the fur collar?? while wearing the fucking peace ring????

harry and phoebe breaking gender norms in the tpwk mv dance. no i'm not over it yet shut up

louis wearing a basquiat t-shirt, another famously queer artist joining the ranks

harry bought an actual genuine basquiat. flex

harry dressed in skirts for gucci

"happy pride! happy pride! 'tis the season! can you tell i'm relaxed?"

"isn't all of this sparkly bi music?"

satellite mv rainbow planet tshirt

louis's bigger than me promo where he's literally george michael like??? IM SORRY???????

harry kissing lewis capaldi at the brits

harry kissing nick kroll at the dwd premiere. lol

and... harry as friend of D O R O T H Y. sang over the rainbow. we all cried. especially me at this clip of harry glancing in relief at his band after over the rainbow.

#queer signalling #my posts #long post #anyways............. hmu if you have more bc i know there's more that i've forgotten but i didn't want to wait #but these were my personal highlights #this is for me more than anyone i know. i don't really know if anyone's really waiting on this #but i personally have been feeling like i gloss over a lot #and forget a lot #and minimise a lot for fear of making a big thing out of something small #but... then i make big things into something small. #which i hate #going through my archive just shows how fast an event passes by and i just stopped talking about it #ive complained about this many a time i know #anygays #for whoever wants to come scream with me <3 #also i have left out some events that were too easily deniable and i didn't want to clutter the post #since what's actual tangibly real and straight from them is so insane already #also that gif is how i feel rn. #how i often feel tbh #i want to be braver again

[msfcatlover]

So. Did you know there's a backstory to Dick's mullet?

Because there is.

Mirage convinced Dick to let her restyle him while she was impersonating Kori. Which he went along with, because Kori had been incredibly depressed for the last several weeks and nothing Dick said or did seemed to be helping her. Dick had pretty clearly hit the point where he was willing to do just about anything to make her happy again.

Which I know doesn't even begin to compare to the many other ways Mirage took advantage of him (trust me, I just read it,) but has made me hate the mullet jokes now, because that was not Dick's choice.

(I'm sure it's just a coincidence Dick's hair & costume came out of it looking a lot more like the future!Dick Mirage was pining over. Contrasts between future!Dick & the classic Discowing Dick was wearing in the arc right before this one below the cut.)

-------------------------------------------

Here's future!Dick...

....Aaaand Discowing.

Obviously, she somehow magically grew his hair out several inches. But even beyond that...

Look at the stripe shape & placement on the new suit, lining up with both future!Dick's stripes & his mesh armbands.

Look at the glove shape, going from a segmented gauntlet to a single elbow-length piece with a curved upper edge.

While Dick's boots are considerably less dramatic than his future self's thigh-highs, they are still much more strongly emphasized in Mirage's version of the costume.

While future!Dick has the diamond on his abdomen like Discowing, future!Dick's costume has much less detailing around his abdomen.

Discowing also isn't the one with a utility belt. A belt which just so happens to have the same insignia as future!Dick's shield. Weird that.

While neither of the prior versions have the little glider-cape, I would like to note it's something future!Dick probably could've gotten a lot of use out of, given the way his sidekick usually carried him around.

.

So anyway, I have gone from being kinda tired of the mullet jokes to actively disliking them. Less jokes about the mullet, more jokes about the rat-tail please.

#Hmu if you wanna hear how FUCKING CREEPY Mirage was towards Dick before the writers decided that her treatment of him was funny actually. #Reading the whole Team Titans debacle feels like losing my goddamn mind. #(Justice for the Levine twins though; the change in writers did them so dirty and then they got erased from all of time.) #Also let me know if you want to hear about how Dick falling for Mirage's trick is 1000% believable actually given the circumstances. #I'm not adding it to this one because it would derail my main point & also involves my fucking nemesis: The Mid-Crisis Starfire Wedding Arc #// #dc mirage #teen titans #90s teen titans #90s titans #nightwing #dick grayson's mullet #nightwing's mullet #discowing #dick grayson #richard grayson #dick grayson's hair #dick grayson's fashion choices #dick grayson fashion disaster #nightwing dick grayson #nightwing!dick grayson #nightwing dick #nightwing!dick #Nightwing 95 #dick grayson's rattail #dick grayson's ponytail #nightwing's ponytail #nightwing's rattail #batfam #batfamily

[inkysquelched]

Been wanting to draw her for literal years, I hope I did her justice. 🥺

Meanwhile Eight:

#digital art #splatoon #agent 3 #dj sango #i really wanted to draw her in her dj sango fit #or at least #what i think it would look like when shes older #i tried a new rendering style #hmu if you want the tutorial i followed #i didnt follow it 100% but i still like how it came out :) #agent 24 #agent 8 #as she tries her best to pretend she doesn’t know #it uh #really isn’t hard to figure out 🤭 #but shhhhhhh #let her have this #honestly #i need more 8 gay panicking content #theres not enough 😤 #agent shenanigans #also three having the sanitized ink streaks is the best decision i’ve made in a while #also i was listening to pink venom by blackpink for this drawing #seriously #go listen to it #but the way i feel 3s music style would be very similar to them lol

[hisuianwilds]

live shoko reaction

#fanart #art #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #shoko ieiri #my skrunkly #she doesnt know i love her #shoko is my hyperfixation #if you even care #ermmm shoko likers hmu #i was told i was the calmest shoko liker #mixed feelings about it #good night

[crazykuroneko]

Good News: You can watch IWTV on ABC iview for free with VPN!

So, if you are like me, who literally have no way to watch IWTV except by 🏴‍☠️ despite you really really want to give them the money and viewership, now you can!

Just set your VPN to Australia, open ABC iview on your browser and sign up with email. They'll ask if you're in an Australian suburb and a postal code. Just pick "overseas" and it will work. You can then watch on browser or download the app APK on your phone (with VPN on). With this, at least we can help the viewership 😉

Additional info on The Newsreader: afaik the new episode will drop on iview after the TV broadcast. So, if you log in around 8.30-9.30 pm AEST, you can watch the TV livestream on iview (pick the ABC TV stream).

Of course please watch IWTV on AMC+ if it's available in your country. that will help AMC to know there are fans there 🫶

Other streamers that carry IWTV afaik: MAX (USA), AMC+ (USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Spain, South Korea via Genie TV), BBC/BBC iplayer (U.K), Sky (Germany, Austria, Switzerland), OSN+ (Middle Eastern and North Africa), TVNZ+ (New Zealand)

#i put my working vpn name under reply #moi.txt #interview with the vampire #iwtv #amc iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #sam reid #jacob anderson #the newsreaders #the vampire chronicles #immortal universe #i'm moving like jpop fans for iwtv who would have thought #please tell me other streamers i haven't listed here #feel free to hmu if you have any questions

[ezrabridgerr]

"The Empire is a disease that thrives in darkness, it is never more alive than when we sleep."

ANDOR: SEASON 1 (2022)

#andoredit #swedit #andor #star wars #cassian andor #starwarsedit #diego luna #swsource #userjasmine #tusernicky #uservalentina #useremi #tusermelissa #pscentral #*gif #was trying to practise some stuff and then it turned into something #i'm never getting over this show tho hmu if you want to hear some rants with way too deep thoughts and feelings

[kenobion]

Andrew Garfield for GQ+Saint Laurent

#you know I had to do it #andrew garfield #my gifs #this video was a bit out there #but some of the themes mentioned in it (and the article) remind me of how Andrew talks about his mom #and upon realizing that it felt like the whole video made more sense #also I love how the article mentions how he loves both the skate/surf style and really formal attire #cause same #I love that kind of casual but trendy look #but also the idea of dressing in something incredibly swanky is so appealing #I wish someone would invite me to a fancy event and supply me with a really good suit #I just know it'd feel right #also the emotional depth Andrew has is incredible #it makes me wish to have a conversation about the way things are with him #ugh and he looks so good here too #he looks 100% like cuddle material in that sweater #please hmu anytime Andrew you beautiful being

[chrollohearttags]

I literally never had an issue or felt insecure abt my sexuality until I start interacting with heteronormative, allo ppl lmao. one convo and I’m ready to off myself.

#cherry chats 🍒 #rant in tags #like how am I supppsed to respond lmao #and please don’t get me started on the infantilization #‘you poor baby you just haven’t found the right person yet 🥺’ please go to hell lmao #and I’m so serious #it’s so frustrating bc you’re literally happy and then the world around you makes you feel like ur broken bc you don’t live like them #‘ur still a virgin? that’s so cute 🥺’ I literally wasn’t comfortable being around a man alone until 2 yrs ago and couldn’t tell anybody why #lmao get the fuck out my face #and I shouldn’t have to disclose trauma to justify something I’ve felt since I was old enough to understand relationships #cw discourse #cw sa implied #cw acephobia #cw arophobia #i’m sorry yall #I’m just in a spicy mood tonight #one of my old friends hmu just to talk about her man and I wanna claw my eyes out #this is why I’ve been ghost from social media for 6 mos

[doctorcurdlejr]

Just so you all know I received a million compliments on my outfit, my poster, and my brilliant mind. Here's my two pixel photo love wins and thank you for the outfit help heart emoji ♥️

#me af when i learned a lot over the course of my master's degree ♥️ #also for my library science mutuals...feel free to hmu for deets on the project tehehe #especially if you would like to hear about teen codesign and diversity audits 🤭 #a day in the life

[junglejim4322]

Bro I’m never following anyone new again I was about to actually follow someone who seemed relatively normal and then looked at their suggested tags and I see “gender cult” and i click it and as you can assume it was like watching Fox News while tripping acid. this blog is about to officially become a closed religion I am exclusively following people who I either know already or have talked to privately at least, 45 times

#last post still goes if I know you hmu. if I don’t know you feel free to talk to me so I can get to know you #strangers. well you’re stranger danger

[psychopompoi]

Thinking about them.... Ex scientist Mechanic living in the wastelands for blackmailing the government x scrapped android soldier that she rebuilt from her car.....

Aka. Dr caligaris cyberpunk grandchild x android cesare the somnambulist

#my art #oc #oc: azura #Oc: cesare #I need to post on here more so have my. Oc brain rotation #This is just cropping the two images i already posted of them but like. Do you understand how much i need them to kiss Right Now #robot girl #Mechanic #Queer art #Blabla whatevrr tags i need to use #Transfem #(the car is transfem but doesnt really know it yet. Girl moment will commence) #Mechanic is transmasc guygirl bigender sweep #The android cesare is the one that wants to be human looking btw he feels a weird sense of shame seeing the skeleton parts on the face #He/they/she for car and she/they for mechanic btw #Im just rambling at this point. If anyone has questions about them hmu #They are tragic yuri fr

[dividedego]

Schizoid reading list

Non-fiction

The Divided Self by R. D. Laing

Schizoid Phenomena, Object Relations, and the Self by Harry Guntrip

Psychoanalytic Studies of the Personality by W. Ronald D. Fairbairn

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety by Elinor Greenberg

Fiction

No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai

The Stranger by Albert Camus

#if you have a suggestion feel free to hmu and ill add it to the list #resources are hard to come by we gotta share what we can ykwim #szpd #schizoid personality disorder #schizoid resources #im hella lookin for more zoidy fiction #mine

[happyk44]

Mentioned this to a friend the other day but in the landscape of "your godly parent makes you more susceptible to developing X disorder, or, at the very least, significant traits of it", I was looking at OCPD and the Zeus/Jupiter kids.

"Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder is characterised by a pervasive preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control (with no room for flexibility) that ultimately slows or interferes with completing a task. Patients with OCPD need to be in control, this, they tend to be solitary in their endeavours and to mistrust the help of others."

This fits the aspect of Zeus/Jupiter being the god of law and order. According to the DSM-5, OCPD is determined through a persistent pattern of preoccupation with order, perfectionism, and control of self, others and situations. This pattern is show by at least 4 or more of the following:

Preoccupation with details rules, schedules, organization, and lists

A striving to do something perfectly that interfere with completion of the task

Excessive devotion to work and productivity (not due to financial necessity), resulting in neglect of leisure activities and relationships

Excessive conscientiousness, fastidiousness, and inflexibility regarding ethical and moral issues and values

Unwillingness to throw out worn-out or worthless objects, even those with little to no sentimental value

Reluctance to delegate or work with other people unless those people agree to do things exactly as the patient wants

A miserly approach to spending for themselves and others because they see money as something to be he saved for future disasters

Rigidity and stubbornness

There's also a good deal of traits that overlap with Autism as well - which I HC Jason to have. See the Venn diagram below:

Read the full article here.

[ID: A Venn diagram showing the differences and overlap between Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and Autism. It is titled Misdiagnosis Monday.

The section relating only to the symptoms of OCPD lists:

Fundamental Nature: Fundamentally, OCPD is about guarding against vulnerability, with perfectionism and control shielding against shame and the fear of losing control

Excessive Devotion to Productivity: Need to be productive and difficulty relaxing or engaging in unproductive tasks

Overwhelming Need for Orderliness and Perfectionism: The drive for perfection, order, and control often leads to challenges in task completion, difficulty in delegating, and personal strain and struggle

Distressing Perfectionism: Perfectionism leads to significant personal distress - impacting emotional well-being and personal relationships, frequently resulting in emotional turmoil

Benefits from psychological treatment that address core schemas and wounds

The section relating to symptoms that overlap between OCPD and Autism lists:

High need for predictability and routine

Strict adherence to rituals, routine, and order

Indecision and task paralysis

All-or-nothing thinking patterns

Intellectualizing/emotionally guarded

Value-driven and unwavering adherence to moral or ethical codes

Preoccupation with details, rules, lists, and organization

The section relating only to the symptoms of Autism lists:

Fundamental Nature: Autism is a distinct neurotype with its unique nervous serious and brain processing style, presenting a different yet equally valuable perspective on the world

Monotropism and Special Interests: Characterized by an intensely passionate focus on specific interests, reflecting a distinct attention style that typically is joy-filled

Sensory Diversity: From hypersensitivity to under-sensitivity, including unique interoceptive awareness

Autistic Brain Style: Detail-focused, bottom-up processing, and concrete thinking - the autistic Brain navigates the world throw the repetition and structured routines

Autistic Communication Patterns: Distinct Autistic communication favouring directness, depth, and concrete language use

Benefits from tailored support and treatment for any co-occurring mental health conditions

/end ID]

The fear of losing control is something I relate to with Zeus/Jupiter. I imagine he's very paranoid about being overthrown, and gets easily stressed out when other people try to take over a situation. It might be weird to consider him as an anxious person, but, you know, what other kind of person would eat a woman because a prophecy said she would give birth to a son that would overthrow him. 🤷‍♂️

Also, personally when I think of the Big Six's childhood and the Titan war, I imagine him as having very specific ideas of his siblings before they were thrown up. The fact that they ended up being very little like his imagination and don't respect him as their future king furthers this stress and anxiety, since, as the older siblings, they do have more of a claim to the throne he was promised in return for defeating their father.

(I've written about this a bit before, check out the "happy talks greek mythos" tag if you wanna look)

OCPD is a cluster C diagnosis. Cluster C personality disorders are labelled as anxious and fearful. Similarly OCD a specific type of anxiety disorder. I think a lot of people conflate the two by accident. A lot of depictions or jokes about OCD relate to the perfectionism and needing things to be orderly which is more of an OCPD thing.

The IOCDF has a fact sheet on OCPD you can review for further information on the differences between the two. Click the related disorders tab to locate the pdf.

OCPD also differs from OCD in that people with OCD have a self-awareness. They know their thoughts are unreasonable, irrational, and/or unwanted, where people with OCPD typically believe their way is the right (and only) way, and do not respond well when people don't adhere to their self-imposed system of rules. Which, again, befits my headcanon that children of Zeus/Jupiter develop various rules and/or routines for how the world (should) work and struggle with not inflicting "justice" on people who break those rules, no matter how minor.

For example, I headcanon Zeus to have a thing about cups. Different types have different purposes. Don't use a wine glass for water, etc, etc. To any other person, it would be a "kinda weird but whatever" if you passed them a wine glass filled with ice tea, but he'd freak the fuck out because that's not what it's for! And then, depending on his mood, either lecture you about it or kill you.

(Fun fact: In the early stages of the whole Titan War, let's try to kill our dad and other relatives thing, Hestia tried pottery during some rare downtime and made everyone a cup! They had no handles and were improperly made because she spent most of her life in a stomach. Zeus gritted his teeth and said, "Thank you, I love it" while internally his brain was on fire, and he wanted to strangle her and break everyone's cups, because it's not a fucking cup. He loves her so much, everyone's favourite sister and all, but dear stars above, he wanted to kill her so bad for this major infraction)

So, lol, yeah. I think Zeus has a lot of neurotic tendencies that he passes down to his kids. There's also the whole "you're a child of Zeus/Jupiter, you're the leader now" thing that demands them to be perfect beyond reason, which could propel the development of OCPD, or some of its traits.

I also HC that one of the powers the kids may have is the ability to force people to follow/believe in the same system of rules that they do. Helpful in battle when you're faced against more enemies than you can handle. Less helpful when it's just you and your buddies and you think them drinking iced tea out of wine glass is incorrect and despicable.

Anyway, these days I'm kicking my legs up over personality disorders, lol, but hey, if anyone has any disorders, personality or not, they think may fit a specific set of demigods, hit me up! I'd love to look into it. So far I have:

Neptune = Schizoid Personality Disorder (based on the idea that PJO's Neptune represents the emotionless and uncaring sea);

Poseidon = Borderline Personality Disorder (based on the idea that PJO's Poseidon represents the emotional and volatile sea);

Ares = Intermittent Explosive Disorder (haven't discussed it before but if you look into it, it's fairly self-explanatory - does not necessarily apply to children of Mars as Mars is more disciplined than Ares, though I think both sets of kids likely have a high propensity for anger issues);

Zeus/Jupiter = OCPD (as discussed above) and Autism (mostly because of my Jason is autistic HC, which I'm sure I've discussed it in some detail before as well)

#happy talks pjo #obsessive compulsive personality disorder #ocpd #jason grace #zeus (pjo) #also if you have ocpd and like pjo feel free to hmu if you have thoughts on what ive written 👍 would be happy to hear your ideas

[thegoatsongs]

Jokes aside I think that Jonathan feels both an involuntary (vampire-caused, dubious consent-coded) and a very "base", all-his, desire to get bitten in That Scene with the Dracula brides. Both can co-exist. If anything, his being affected by a not-confined-to-marriage attraction could be consistent with the fact that the text says that he has "passion" more times than anyone else and that the only other characters who are described as passionate are the great Vampire and a "madman" (both characters Jonathan has got big parallels with), both of whom bear a hunger for more than for what's allowed. It's intense, but he feels resistance and guilt for the feeling because he is ultimately faithful and staunch (and given what we read later, it's a faithfulness more out of love than out of just propriety).

Desire that goes beyond a boundary is also present in his feelings for Mina; while yes their love is generally presented as good and adoring, it is also having those love=madness connotations. It's all-consuming enough for him to be willing to walk to a very real damnation (and he intimately knows it), to have the readiness to "sell my soul", and refuse to release his beloved from vampirism unlike what Arthur and the others did with Lucy. In that context, that too is a "burning, wicked desire".

The unspoken part of his vow is that if it comes to it, he will, now willingly, let Vampire Mina bite him like the brides almost did, which circles back to that "agonizing" temptation. Since vampirism has transgressive sexual connotations, here his desire to be with Mina no matter how fallen and debased she may be is connected with this as well. It also connects with Jonathan calling this desire "the holiest love" while describing ghastly, unholy vampire pairs lying on "sacred" earth, sharing the same "holiest" love that he feels for her. It's a duality that's both blessed and damning. And I think you're not supposed to pick only one because, in his case, it goes hand in hand. In context, it's darkly tragic, instead of purely condemnable or heroic.

#the guilt just... does not make him simply just repressed and anxious I'm sorry I will disagree with Experts #he has OTHER very Victorian flaws and opinions #also hey if you disagree feel free to hmu I'm not hostile to different thoughts #anyway Jonathan has desires (so does Mina) #also look if he were single? it would have been different but his relationship affects the reading of that scene #not mentioning consent here because it's another topic #jonathan harker #mina harker #the weird sisters #dracula #dracula daily