#but some of the themes mentioned in it (and the article) remind me of how Andrew talks about his mom | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

accirax · 4 months

Text

Chessgram Theory: Who is Kotoko Breaking?

While the object Kotoko is breaking in Deep Cover’s thumbnail is still certainly up for debate, many people (including myself) are of the belief that she’s snapped a white bishop from the game of chess. Given where Kotoko’s mental state is right now and what’s implied by the lyrics of Deep Cover, I think it’s likely that this MV’s theme will depict all of the prisoners as different chess pieces. Therefore, it’s worth asking: who is that? And, in a larger sense, which prisoners could be represented by which chess pieces?

Kotoko pretty clearly sees her situation as her and Es against the rest of the prison. So, I think that the characters would be divided as Kotoko and Es on one team, and everyone from 01-09 on the other. Kotoko is wearing black and appears to be breaking a white piece, so it’s pretty safe to assume that she and Es would be represented by the black pieces. It’s an interesting choice, given that, even to a non-Western audience, black can be considered a color of evil, and white a color of purity and truth. However, if the Es/Kotoko team is “mystery and anger” and the 01-09 team is “cold demeanors and death,” it fits well enough.

And that’s ignoring the most important part: in chess, the white team always moves first. This would fit with Kotoko’s vigilante worldview that everything she does is just a retaliation against others’ wrongdoing. The other characters attack first by sinning, and Kotoko is only picking them off before they can do any real damage to Team Warden.

Anyways, as for the pieces themselves, different websites seem to have slightly different opinions on what each piece can represent, with some obvious throughlines. I’ll be pulling quotes from these three articles, color coded according to which one is being used, which you can read more of if you wish. I’m also not a chess expert, so if I’m missing anything or got something wrong, I encourage you to add any of your own thoughts!

We’ll start with the Black Team, because there are fewer characters and I think it’s pretty obvious who’s who.

Kotoko Yuzuriha

Kotoko herself will probably be the black Queen. As anyone who’s played chess should know, your Queen is the most powerful piece in your arsenal because it can move on straights or diagonals for any distance.

The queen is our impulse to fight and possibly our id. It can argue based on beliefs. It can let loose and fight like a rook. It has no reason to hold back as a knight does and will often attack to the other side of the board just because it wants to.

This hyper-violent description of the Queen reminds me a lot of Kotoko. She attacks the other prisoners because, according to her beliefs, they’re criminals who deserve to be punished. Not to mention, the “id” is actually the same thing as the “es” in psychology. After we voted her innocent in the first trial, Kotoko became our teammate. She thinks that she’s the same as Es, so seeing herself as the “id” would fit perfectly with that self-assessment. Speaking of Es…

Es (and Jackalope?)

Es is most likely going to be the black King.

The king is not as powerful as the queen, but he is considered the most important piece that needs the most protection.

Even if Kotoko has more power than Es inside the prison, Es is still the one ultimately calling the shots. They’re the important piece who actually casts the votes that Kotoko can use to exact justice. The way that Es falls asleep between trials (or, at least, they did the first time) also reminds me of how the king can only move one space per turn, and often remains in the same square until closer to the end of the game.

The meaning of the Queen in the game of chess is she is plainly the closest support to the King and is often the second biggest (tallest) piece on the board, signifying her power and importance.

Es and Kotoko being the King and Queen together also opens them up to being assessed as a pair. They start the game next to each other, far across the board from the white pieces. If Es is the tallest, most notable piece in the prison, Kotoko isn’t far behind, acting as the King’s loyal fang.

I don’t know if any of the other pieces on the black team would have any sort of particular association. Maybe Jackalope could be the pawn that starts in front of the King (I think that’s the E pawn), so that he could hop out of the way on black’s first move to allow Kotoko to escape on a diagonal?

If I’m right about this theming, I also believe it’s possible that the black team would start only with the King and Queen. This would 1) make Kotoko and Es appear as rootable underdogs by having fewer pieces, 2) show how Kotoko is doing all of the work to defend justice, and 3) give Kotoko a lot of space to move around in from the start.

Now that we’re done with the black team, it’s time for the 01-09 White Team! Given that this side has many more main characters, there are several more possibilities to discuss here. I’ve settled on an answer for each of the prisoners, but there’s certainly room to be flexible with any of them.

Haruka Sakurai

Starting with Haruka… sorry, buddy, but I think you’re a Pawn.

Look, there are only eight pieces (not pawns) for each team on the board. If there are nine prisoners on the white team, at least one of them has to be a Pawn. And, especially through Kotoko’s account of the first Trial, Haruka wasn’t doing a whole lot. He didn’t get voted guilty, so she didn’t attack him, and he didn’t try to save any of the attacked prisoners, either. All he really did was get a new fit and align himself with Mu, someone who barely avoided being voted guilty in the first place.

There is a debate about whether the pawns are the peasants who live outside of the castle walls or are the soldiers protecting the royal court behind them.

Specifically, though, I think that Haruka would be the pawn that stands in front of Mu. Depending on which piece Mu is, it doesn’t have to work like this, but if you say that Pawn Haruka’s placement is basically a “if you want to attack her, you’ll have to get through me first,” that’s quite reminiscent of the threat he presented in his second audio drama.

Haruka also makes sense as a Pawn because he has a lot of potential. For anyone who doesn’t know, in chess, if a Pawn manages to make it to the other side of the board, they can transform into any other piece. Haruka’s quiet demeanor might let him slip under the radar, but if Kotoko takes her eye off of him for too long, he could wind up becoming a threat to the King (Es).

Haruka (VD2): “If you don’t forgive Mu-san, I’m going to kill you.”

In the audio drama, Es counters this plan by pointing out that, as a prisoner, Haruka cannot attack them. However, the sentiment is still there. Even if a Pawn doesn’t really stand a chance of attacking the King when Queen Kotoko is on the loose, there’s always the possibility that he could get too close and throw a wrench into Kotoko’s plans.

Yuno Kashiki

As for Yuno… well, we all know that she’s a Queen in general, but in chess, I don’t think that argument really holds up. Yuno really just isn’t… relevant? enough? to the conflicts of the prison as a whole (at least where Kotoko is involved) to be represented by such an important piece. But, if Yuno isn’t the Queen, what would she be…?

Personally, I think she would be a Rook.

The rook is brute force. It is a disregard to beliefs.

Simply put, Yuno is a Rook because she’s a pretty straightforward person. That’s not to say that she doesn’t lie, of course– her whole t1 attitude seems to have been a bit of an act, and that one section in the middle of Tear Drop makes it pretty obvious that Yuno conceals her true feelings on order to better please her customers sometimes– but that, in the end, Yuno always does what she wants. If she wants to barge forward or cut across the entire board sideways, she’ll do it. She often keeps to herself, just like how enemy pieces wouldn’t want to get directly in front of the Rook for fear of being curb stomped.

Back to her t1 attitude, though…

The rook is the castle, the walls, the protectorate of the city, and in being so, is the only piece not representative of a living thing.

While most sources attribute the Rook’s walls to protecting the other important pieces, Yuno’s walls protect herself. Yuno’s Castle keeps her true self locked behind cold and stony walls, giving her freedom from making any attachments.

Futa Kajiyama

Futa is a Knight because… he’s, uh, literally a knight.

The knight pieces are the protective knights in the castle. The pieces are shaped like a horse because it is symbolic of what knights rode during battle.

It doesn’t always have to be that deep. (/j)

Actually, though, there are other reasons to call Futa the Knight– possibly some of the same reasons why the Milgram creative team decided to make one of his MVs themed after fantasy RPGs in the first place.

The knight represents the pure inner-warrior. If a knight starts out passive, it will always end up aggressive and vice versa. It can't move very far, but it never moves in a straight line, always preferring to be tactical and thoughtful.

Futa definitely seems to cycle between aggressive and passive. He passively lived his life as a regular guy until he unleashed his aggression and became a cyberbully. That aggression fueled him until he learned of his victim’s death, at which point he shut down and seemed to become more passive and introspective again. Arriving in Milgram triggered his aggressive tendencies, but getting voted guilty and losing an eye for it triggered his passive terror. At the time of his second audio drama, it seems like he’s returned to aggressively questioning Es again, and it remains to be seen whether he keeps that attitude into t3 or if something happens that once again makes him lose his footing (or die).

Mu Kusunoki

Much like Yuno, Mu also has an argument for being called the Queen– more so than Yuno, considering her strong Queen Bee coding in It’s Not My Fault and the titles of both of her audio dramas– but also falls short in the “being opposed to Kotoko” department. Although Haruka certainly looks to her for leadership, I can’t imagine Kotoko actually considering Mu a serious enough threat to put Mu on the same level as herself.

So again, like Yuno, I think Mu might be the other Rook. Mu also displayed a very “whatever I say goes” attitude in INMF, so she can share the same rhetoric behind Yuno being represented by that piece. The logic behind the castle aspect is slightly different, though.

Every country or medieval estate would have its royalty who were protected within the walled city or castle.

Mu is a rich, half-European girl whose dad sells real estate. Of course she would be represented by the Castle! Mu’s tactics involve consolidating her power in order to lead from a place above it all, exactly like how a castle looks over the rest of the village. Additionally, I can’t find the source of whoever pointed it out first, but I’ve seen it mentioned that the dress Mu wears in her birthday art is a reference to the one that Belle wears in Disney’s interpretation of Beauty and the Beast. It’s a fairytale with a princess (and perhaps someday, a queen), yes, but it’s specifically one where the heroine is trapped within a castle. Making Mu into a Rook would be a great way to keep up her royal theming, while leaving the Queen for a character a bit more powerful and relevant to Kotoko.

(Going back to Haruka for a moment, this would make him specifically the A or H pawn.)

Shidou Kirisaki

I really thought that Shidou might have more competition for the role of King, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that nobody fit the role quite as well as he did.

Shidou is the perfect balance of a piece who’s very problematic for Kotoko’s win condition, while also not being much of an active threat himself. There are very low odds that Shidou would ever actually try to harm Kotoko directly or get in her way to divert an attack. However, as long as he’s alive, Kotoko can’t win, because Shidou can keep attempting to heal all of the pieces Kotoko tries to eliminate. That’s not something that the King piece can actually do in a chess game, but hopefully you get my point.

Additionally, Triage let us know that Shidou is a family man. While the white Queen will obviously not be representative of Shidou’s deceased wife, and not every other prisoner would enjoy living under his reign (cough cough Amane), the optics of him being the “head of the family” are obviously there. It’s a pretty bad look if the white King starts the game by pleading with the black King to give him the death penalty, but… Well, at least Shidou changed his mind.

Mahiru Shiina

Not to answer the theory’s main question so early into the post, but… I think Mahiru is a white Bishop. Specifically, the one that Kotoko could be snapping in half in the thumbnail.

As far as I can remember, barring Undercover, Milgram’s MVs have only shown us things that have happened in the past. There are some things that could kind of hint at the future (like Shidou’s “So hey, prolong my life / I’m indispensable” in Triage) or depict prisoner’s fears of the future (like Futa potentially being afraid that Es could declare him guilty again at the end of Backdraft). But, I think that every instance of something like that happening could be explained as something that the character did or thought about in the past as well. That might be wrong, as I don’t want to take the time to write out how everything that appears like it could be in the future is actually in the past, but it sounds right to my memory.

My point being, while the snapped bishop could be indicative of Kotoko’s plans to crush someone in the future, if the chess pieces do represent characters, it makes far more sense if her smashing the white bishop is something that already happened in the past. Thus, it would probably be one of the three characters that Kotoko attacked in the past: Futa, Mahiru, or Mikoto.

Of the three options, I think Mahiru fits the role of bishop best.

The bishop is your belief structure. This is why a bishop that starts on white, will always be on white and vice versa for the black bishop.

While not a particularly religious person, Mahiru is someone who lives and dies based on her beliefs about the value of love. No matter what happens to her, she always keeps her same perspective, believing that love is the entirety of who she is and the only thing that’s worth living for. It’s how firmly she clung to those beliefs that sent her to Milgram, and her lack of awareness regarding her actions that got her voted guilty. AKA, Mahiru’s Bishop-like beliefs are exactly what sent her to be crushed in Kotoko’s palm.

To the extent that the blood in the thumbnail is the Bishop’s and not Kotoko’s, Mahiru was also the most grievously injured of the prisoners in between trials. I saw people joking that the thing Kotoko was crushing was “Mahiru’s bones,” and, like… maybe you’re not entirely wrong?

I hope that you continue reading the post to hear my thoughts on the last three prisoners. But, if you are tapping out here… uhhhh, 0610 enjoyers, go crazy with this one.

Kazui Mukuhara

When I started theorizing for this post, I really thought that I was going to make Kazui the Queen to Shidou’s King. The two of them are pretty close, so the idea of Kazui being Shidou’s guardian makes total sense. And, most importantly, Kazui was the one to actually intercept and divert Kotoko’s attack on Futa. He’s been established as the most muscular prisoner in Milgram, on par with someone like Kotoko, which is perfect for him being the Queen!

Wellllll… I changed my mind and decided to make Kazui a Knight anyway.

There are a lot of good arguments for Kazui being a knight too, okay? After Cat, it’s pretty clear that Kazui was once a police officer. Thus, being a member of the castle guard would be a good match for his choice of career. They’re also probably the most traditionally “manly” piece, representative of an armed man on a horse, and Kazui tries very hard to be manly.

Knights can also hop over other pieces, much like how Kazui jumped into the fight between Kotoko and Futa. In fact…

Never underestimate [the Knight] for its limited range. It’s known as the "Queen Killer" for a reason!

Knights are often a good piece to use to attack Queens because of their unique L-shaped movement pattern. Unlike every other piece, they can attack the Queen from a position that can’t be immediately reversed upon them. Thus, Kazui’s ability to beat Kotoko could be an indicator of this “Queen Killer” quality, instead of the innate power of being a Queen himself. (This logic applies to Futa as well: he can attack Kotoko from the unique angle of appealing to Es’ morals and own sense of justice. Kotoko can’t do the same because, unlike Futa, she has yet to outwardly acknowledge that her murder could have been anything less than righteous.)

Also… the Knight is the only piece that doesn’t move in a straight line. Get it? The Knight doesn’t move straight? And that represents Kazui? Because Kazui is–

Amane Momose

Amane is the other Bishop because… religion.

The bishop stands close to the king and queen because it represents the church which many royal courts held near and dear to their hearts.

The Bishop represents the church, an important and very powerful entity throughout history and even today if you think about it.

Again, not everything has to be a reach. (/j)

So… yeah, Amane’s beliefs– specifically religious beliefs, this time– are also a huge part of her life. Even if she’s changed what the cult’s doctrine means to her, she still confesses that she carried out her murders for the sake of what her religion considers right and wrong.

This is also considered the third most powerful piece on the chessboard because back in the day religion could influence many people, even without the help of the royal family.

Not so much for Mahiru, but this sentiment also fits Amane pretty well! Between the threats of potential conversions and potential assassinations, Amane was definitely one of the prisoners to watch heading into t2. From what I’ve heard, the main reason why her vote was so down to the wire was mostly because people were afraid of the power that Amane held.

Interestingly, this would put another prisoner who was voted guilty in contention for the piece that Kotoko is crushing. However, I still think it’s more likely that that piece would be Mahiru, because Kotoko didn’t physically attack Amane. If it were Amane, it would more likely be that her beliefs were crushed as opposed to her bones, but… I don’t really think that really happened, either. Amane would almost certainly be a bishop, though, so there’s certainly a possibility that that broken piece could be her.

Mikoto/John Kayano

With only one prisoner left to go, you may have already come to the conclusion that Mikoto is the white Queen. And… yeah, I can’t really deny that at this point. Like I said, I wanted to make Kazui the Queen, but I couldn’t otherwise figure out what Mikoto would be.

Because, there’s one main thing that makes me think that Mikoto has to be the Queen… John’s lack of restraints.

She is allowed to move in any direction and in as many squares as she wants.

Due to the whole situation with John not technically being a prisoner, when John is the alter in charge, John cannot be restrained, even when voted guilty. That makes him very powerful; no matter what he does, we can’t use a guilty vote to try to stop him, much like many people hoped to do with Haruka when voting him guilty in t2. The Queen can visit any square, no matter whether it’s black or white, upright or reversed, Mikoto or John. Choosing any other piece that was constrained to a much more limited set of movement rules just felt off for him.

Next, while Kazui was able to defeat Kotoko and save Futa, the fight between John and Kotoko was a draw. That means that they are also evenly matched– perfect for both being the same kind of piece. Mikoto isn’t as close to Shidou as Kazui is (anymore, I think?), but they were at least smoking club buddies, so calling Mikoto the Queen to Shidou’s King isn’t the most ridiculous proposition.

Finally, making Mikoto the Queen, a very feminine piece, is super interesting in the context of people discussing how Mikoto is often associated with stereotypically feminine roles and the girl prisoners (oboetemasuka | candckirby | purgemarchlockdown). I don’t have a whole lot else to say on this matter considering these weren’t points of Mikoto’s characterization I originally noticed myself, but I encourage you to read these posts to get a taste of what I’m talking about. I’m sure there were other posts discussing it too, but… it’s so hard to find things on Tumblr ;-;

Conclusion

Finally, we’ve been through every prisoner! Here’s a summary of what I decided on (left or right side doesn’t matter):

The funny thing about this theory is that it could be fully disproven wrong in, like, a week, if either 1) that wasn’t a chess piece at all, or 2) the chess pieces obviously represent something else. For instance, the chess board could fully relate to, you know, Kotoko’s actual murder and not what she got up to in between trials. We are supposed to get more actual evidence regarding that too, aren’t we…?

Still, if it turns out that the chess board does represent Milgram, I will get the full satisfaction of having called it ahead of time, even if my assignments aren’t 100% correct. No matter what, I had fun thinking about it, which is (in my opinion) the highlight of theorizing! If you have anything else to add, I encourage you to communicate your thoughts in comments, tags, or reblogs. If you don’t, then I simply thank you for reading this far!

Deep Cover… soon.

192 notes · View notes

heartfeltcierra · 1 year

Text

Kid X Insecure Plus Sized Female (Tomboy) reader

Request-Hey Cierra! I wanted to say I love your insecure plus sized reader stories!!!!! I want to request Kid with a insecure plus sized reader who is more on the tom boyish side. Maybe she tries to impress him and it backfires or something to that extent! Thank you

AN-I have been dying to write for this man! Thank you so much I absolutely loved this idea. I really liked the way reader comes across, she is honestly a badass and I love her. Thank you @seafoamxshayde for helping me edit.

Masterlist

Word count- 8.1k

Readers thoughts are in bold and italics

Other Characters- Killer, Heat and Wire

! Contents/Warnings!

Very suggestive themes towards the end(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖), Violence, Mentions of a burning building, Mentions of weapons, Reader is a weapons specialist, Yelling, Cussing, insecurities regarding femininity and being plus sized, Reader gets humiliated in front of a crowd, Mentions of alcohol consumption, Destructive thoughts.

ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ Enjoy! -Love, Cierra

“Get up Y/N we're about to port!” Heat shook your body, but you didn’t move a muscle. “Please wake up!”

“Nooo, I’m sleepy~.” Your groan in your semi awake state. “Gimme five more minutes.”

“But you told me to wake you up no matter what.” He gives you a few more nudges. “You said you had something very important you needed to do today, remember?”

“I’M UP.” The sleepiness you felt moments ago was replaced by a sense of urgency. Today was the day! “Thank you, Heat. You're so reliable.”

“You're welcome.” You see a small blush paint his face. “Killer said to come see him in the kitchen first.”

“Gottcha.” Heat leaves your bedroom so you can get ready.

You throw some comfy clothes on and walk over to your “closet”, but you just call it your mini arsenal.Instead of clothes it's filled with everything from throwing knives, swords, polearms, guns, grenades, bombs and even a few bazookas.

“Where are you?” Your eyes scan over the insane amount of artillery. “There you are!” You smile and grab the old dagger you’ve deemed your favorite. It was also your first ever weapon. Your crush since childhood and current captain Kid gave it to you years ago saying “You need to defend yourself in case I’m not around.” And you took that to heart. You learnt everything you could about defending yourself. Gradually you dabbled into different weapons, thus creating your obsession.

But when there is obsession, there is also vast knowledge. You are second to none when it comes to weaponry and you know how to wield just about anything like a pro. Enemies undermine you due to being a bigger girl, but your quick to show them badass comes in many different shapes and sizes.

You can even do minor repairs to weapons with the help of your captain. He is actually the one who recently redone the handle on your beloved dagger. Kid put so much thought into the fine details. He etched your initials into the side of the handle along with his Jolly Roger, made the hand guard in the shape of a star and to top it off, made a new holster for it. Everytime you look at it reminds you why you're so in love with him. He may be a grouch, but he is your grouch. Well he’s not technically yours, yet.

You’ve kept your feelings for him locked away thanks to all of your insecurities. As a fighter you're confident, but as a woman..not so much. You recall a newspaper article titled “New world beauty standards.” According to it most men sailing the Grandline preferred women with hourglass bodies, petite structures, and next to no body fat besides boobs and ass. It also mentioned they preferred women who were cute and in touch with their femininity. You may not be able to change your body size or shape, but the rest of it you can learn.

“I hope you're ready, Eustass Kid.” You holster the dagger around your thigh and head to the kitchen.

~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

“Good morning.” You walk into the kitchen to see Killer frying up something. “Whatcha making?”

“Pancakes, your favorite.” You watch as he flips the pan like a pro. “I figured you’d want to start your day off right considering you're finally fessin up to Kid. That is if you haven’t chickened out...” Killer lays a plate of pancakes in front of you.

“I’m not backing down this time, as a matter of fact I'm doing it at tonight's party.” You stab your fork into the pancakes and take a big bite. “Heat told me we would be porting soon. Once we do I’m going to head into town. I need to pick a few things up….. But.”

“First of all don’t talk with your mouth full and let me guess Y/N.” Killer crosses his arms. “You're broke.”

“How did you know?” You furrow your brows.

“I’ve known you long enough to know your bad spending habits. But I hate to break it to you.” Killer sat down before breaking the bad news. “I’ve got to restock on food and other supplies, meaning I have no extra. Sorry.” Looks like I’ll have to use my back up plan.

“That’s okay Killer.” You stuff the last bit of pancake in your mouth. “I’ll figure something out.”

“So what exactly are you going to get anyways?” Killers' questions cause your cheeks to heat up.

“Well I’m not really sure, but I want to do something special. I figured I’d get a makeover or something in town.” You may not have a master plan, but you're a good improviser.

“I see. So how are you going to get the money to do that?” The masked man questions, little did he know…..

“You're not my only piggy bank Killer.” A devious smile forms on your face. “I’ve got a red one too.”

“What the hell did you just call me?” He may wear a mask, but you didn't need to see his face to know he was pissed.

“Uh.. Nothing. Hey look at the time. Gotta got. Thanks for the food!” You jump up from your chair and speed walk out of the kitchen only to run into something hard.

“Dammit Y/N!” You look up and see your said red piggy bank and captain giving you a not so nice look. “Watch where you're going.”

“Oops.” You fight back the urge to snap right back at him, instead you back away and look him up and down. Admiring the view~ “Wow captain, your muscles keep getting bigger and bigger every time I see you. If I’m not careful I'll run into you one day and get sent flying overboard!” You don’t know how to flirt all that well, but you know how to butter Kid up and all it took was a simple compliment.

“Shut up.” He snaps his head away from your prying eyes. But judging from the red on the tips of his ears, it worked. “Anyways we are going to be dropping anchor soon. Do you have money?” No but I’m about to~

“So funny story…” Kid rolls his eyes as you make up an excuse for your lack of cash. “And that’s why I am broke.”

“I should have known.” He shoots you a wicked smirk before bending down to your eye level. “You know what Y/N? You keep getting broker and broker every time I run into you.” His metallic hand grabs yours before his flesh hand drops a leather pouch in your palm. “I heard this island has some good weapons shops.” He trails off. “Just don’t go buying something stupid, got it?”

“Me, buy something stupid? Never!” A smile forms on your face. Maybe I should call him a ‘Kiddy Bank’. “Thank you.”

“Hey captain, we're dropping anchor!” You hear Wire call from the deck.

“Okay everyone listen up.” Kid’s voice booms. After giving the crew different tasks Kid dismisses you. Operation doll up Y/N was officially on.

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

In town

After managing to sneak away from the crew you reach the city. It was pretty large and filled with restaurants, bars and plenty of places to shop. You wander around with no rhyme or reason while trying to think of what to get or do. Out of the corner of your eye you spot a newspaper and magazine stand.

You look over all of the magazines until one catches your attention. The girl on the front was holding a perfume bottle with big bold letters above it that said “The Granline Beauty Insider.” You open the magazine and skim through it. It was mostly ads for different cosmetics, but it did have some helpful pointers like, “Speak softly and have good posture.” “Wear red, it’s sexy.” “Walk slowly and sway your hips; it drives guys crazy!” “Wear a pair of high heels.” “Buy lingerie.” You slam the magazine shut out of embarrassment. I doubt I’ll need that.

After walking around and brainstorming you come up with a plan. First thing on your agenda- Buy and learn how to use makeup. You ask a local and they point you towards a cosmetics shop.

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

At the cosmetics shop

“Hello there!” The worker greets you with a wide smile. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Umm yeah actually.” You look around at the overwhelming amount of makeup products. “I’ve never really worn makeup and I don’t know a thing about it.”

“Oh I see. Well don’t worry!” The worker grabs your hand. “First things first let's find the correct foundation shade you need. Also what color theme are you going for?”

“Red please.”

She ran you all over the store while giving you pointers on how to apply everything she was giving you. You made mental notes on all of the techniques she uses to make a ‘Flawless look’.

“I think that’s got all the basics. I’ll take this up to the register and let you look around some more!” You thank the clerk and explore the store on your own.

A pleasant smell invades your nostrils. You follow said smell until you end up in the perfume section of the store. They have the bottle of perfume the girl on the magazine cover was holding. Apparently it was called ‘Grandline Goddess’. You spray a little on your wrist and get sent straight to heaven. According to the box the notes were flowery orchard, tropical fruit with a hint of musk. You're coming with me.

“Is this all for you?” You nod at the clerk. “Alright, your total is 7,000 berries.” HUH?!

“Here you go.” You hand over the cash while holding back a scream.

“Thank you! I hope my crash course lesson was helpful!” The clerk hands you the bag.

“It was. Thank you so much for your help.” She waves you out as you leave the store. “Holy crap that was expensive!” Lucky for you the pouch Kid gave you was filled to the brim, so you still have quite a bit left.

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

The next mission was to find something to wear and a pair of shoes. Most of your closet consisted of sleep clothes, tactical gear and clothes that give you max mobility for fighting. And as far as shoes go you had either boots or sneakers.

You window shop trying to find a shop that carries your size. So far most of the shops that had anything cute didn’t carry plus sizes which was a bummer. But when you were at wits end you found a plus sized boutique and the clothes looked cute and stylish. Jackpot.

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

In the boutique

“Welcome! If you need any help let me know!” You smile at the clerk before exploring the store. It was amazing how many colors and variations of dresses they have. But one particular dress caught your attention. The shade of red matches perfectly with the makeup you bought and it was in your size.

“Can I try this one on?” You hold the dress up, grabbing the clerks attention.

“Certainly, I’ll show you the fitting rooms. Right this way please.”

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

In the fitting rooms

“I’ll be right outside, please let me know if you need help.” The clerk steps out, leaving you alone.

You do your best to avoid looking in the mirror while undressing. It's sad how taking one look at your body could destroy everything.Your confidence, your mood and self worth could be taken away at a single glance. With a deep sigh you zip the dress up with the help of a hanger. Your fingers smooth the fabric to your body as your face the mirror. You’ve never really thought anything looked good on you, but the dress isn’t half bad. It fits just right and the magazine wasn’t lying when it said red was sexy.

“That dress was made for you! You look absolutely marvelous!” The clerk beams the moment you step out of the dressing room. “Do a spin for me!” You smile and spin around in circles and feel something fall off you in the process. “Oh my.” You stop and see your dagger had fallen off and into the floor. Oh crap.

“My bad haha.” You and the clerk share an awkward laugh. “You know us girls gotta protect ourselves.” You trail off and strap the dagger back to your thigh.

“Yeah, you're right.” The clerk relaxes. “Anyways I think I have a pair of heels that would look good with the dress. What is your shoe size?” You tell her and she disappears into the store before coming back with a box. She laid the heels in front of you. You put them on, but did not take a step out of fear. You look in the mirror and see she was right, they really tie the outfit together. But the real question was can you walk in them and not kill yourself? For better or worse you trust you can learn.

“I’ll take both please!”

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

By the time you got done shopping the sun was starting to set. Blue and pink hues fill the sky. You recall Kid mentioning when the sky looks like this at sunset, it was a good omen for smooth sailing. Hopefully that means tonight will go smoothly too.

“I better head back to the Victoria.” You took a few steps before your mini transponder snail began to ring. “Hello, you have the pleasure of speaking to the one and only Y/N.”

“Wow, I’m honored.” Killer voice deadpans. “So change of plans. No party on the ship tonight.” Your jaw almost hits the ground at his words. “Instead Kid wants everyone to meet at the bar near the end of the town in an hour.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see ya there.” Click. You release a heavy sigh. It was good that there would still be some form of celebration, but you hoped it would be on the ship for the sake of privacy. “It’s going to be okay. You’ve got this Y/N.” You mentally pat yourself on the back. No backing out.

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

You rush back to the ship and start getting ready. You lay out all of the makeup you bought and start applying it. Despite never having used makeup before, you do a damn good job. Everything was blended well, your eyeshadow was symmetrical and the whole look was overall decent.

The dress smooths over your body once more. You walk over to the full length mirror by your bathroom and check yourself out. Despite your initial worry, you feel confident and even a little sexy. But something was missing… Jewelry. You dig around in your room until you find the jewelry box you stole from an enemy ship a while back. It of course was filled with stolen jewelry. You go through it until you find something to match your outfit. A golden necklace with a red heart charm catches your eyes. Perfect.

You put the necklace and earrings on and finish off with a few sprays of perfume. But now comes the hard part. The heels. Thankfully the heel wasn’t crazy high off the ground, but it was enough for you to feel off balance. You nearly face plant a couple times but after doing a few circles around your room you feel confident enough to walk in them.

You almost walk out the door but remember something important. A weapon. Hopefully tonight you don’t have to use one, but with Kid and the rest of the crew, you never know what is going to happen.

“Let’s see. I need something to match.” You search once again and spot the perfect one.

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

You were the first one to show up at the bar, much to your surprise. You figured you’d walk in to see Kid throwing back drinks and scaring people away. But neither him or the rest of the crew has shown up. You find a vacant table and wait for everyone else. A wave of nervousness crashes over you when you think about Kid. Will he like how I look? As if on cue the bar doors burst open, revealing the man of the hour.

Kid walks in like he owns the place with Killer following behind. The pair spot you and start to walk your way. Your heartbeat picks up when a pair of orange eyes land on you. With a few heavy steps, Kid was standing right in front of you. His eyes look you up and down before they stall on your face.

“Hey Kid, there is something I need to tell you.” You spoke in a softer tone and straightened your back up. For a moment he just stares at you. “Kid I lo-” Your cut off by Kid’s howling laughter.

“Why are you talking like that and what the hell is all over your face?” You were absolutely floored by his reaction. “And when did you start wearing dresses? It doesn't suit you at all.” His words make your heart drop. He let out one last laugh before going up to the bar,completely throwing you off. You clench your teeth and blink a few tears away.

“Y/N…” Killer’s voice snaps you from your thoughts.

“It's fine.” You cringe at the way your voice cracks. Hold it together Y/N, you're strong.

“Killer get over here!” Kid’s voice booms against the walls of the bar.

“You better go before he starts trouble.” You give the masked man a fake smile. He nods before joining Kid at the bar. Part of you wants to leave so you can cry, while the other part wants to waltz up to Kid and knock his lights out for laughing at you. Crying would only destroy your makeup and punching Kid wouldn't change a damn thing. I guess I’ll stay and see how things play out.

Heat, wire and the rest of the crew came filing in one by one. The music in the bar was loud and energetic as people hit the dance floor. Everyone not dancing was laughing and enjoying their drinks, while you sat alone, sulking like a kicked puppy.

“I need to find a girl to dance with.” The men sitting at the table next to you look around the room for possible takers.

“There’s you one.” You can feel their judgmental eyes study your body as they laugh.

“Hell no man.” You clench your fist knowing they are making fun of you. It’s most definitely not the first time it’s happened, but right now you were in no mood.

“I have ears, you jackasses.” You shoot the men a nasty glare.

“No wonder you're all by yourself. Not only are you fat, but you're a bitch too.” You only smirk at the man's comment.

“You forgot one thing.” You slowly bring the skirt of your dress up to reveal the red and gold flintlock gun strapped to your thigh. “I’m also packing.” You point your finger to each man at the table. “I have three bullets, one for each of you, with the name 'asshole' written on them.” The men look taken back, just the reaction you wanted. “And if you're wanting to find a partner so badly I can send you straight to hell, I heard the devil really knows how to dance~” Your eyes stare into their fear stricken ones as you slowly pull the gun from the holster. One by one they ran out of the bar with their tails tucked between their legs. “That’s what I thought.” You bring your dress back down. “Cowards.”

You take a deep breath and try to not let their comments bother you, but what they said stung a little. I need a distraction. Your eyes land on the dance floor, you notice some of the crew getting down and dirty. They had gorgeous girls grinding up against them. At this rate you doubt any of them will be coming back to the ship tonight.

“You look like you could use this.” Killer walks up and sits a drink in front of you. You murmur a thanks before chugging the whole thing down. “I’m sorry tonight didn’t go how you planned and if it's any consolation, I think you look great.”

“Thanks Killer. And it’s okay.” You lie. It’s really not okay and you're not okay at all. You're putting up a good front at least. “I should have known, I mean it is Kid after all…”

“Still..” The blonde taps his fingers against the table.

“You know what.” You clench your fist in frustration. I need to do something. “I think I want to have a little chat with him.”

“Okay, but I’m going with you.” You and Killer stand up from the table and walk towards the bar.

You trail right behind Killer as he navigates the crowd. From time to time you’ve had to grab the back of his shirt thanks to the unfamiliar shoes you wore. You think of what you're going to tell Kid, how you should word it and if you’ll actually say anything at all. You're pulled away from your thoughts as you ram right into Killer’s back.

“Is something wrong Killer? Why did you stop?” His whole body was tensing up. You tug the bag of his shirt demanding an answer. “Helllooo? Earth to Killer?”

“Y/N, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” You could hear his voice waiver over the music. He’s hiding something.

“Killer what’s wrong?” He didn’t answer. “Killer let me see.”

“No Y/N, let’s just leave.” Killer turns around and tries to get you to go back, but you slip past him. “Y/N wait, don’t!” It was too late.

Your eyes land on Kid and the two harlots in his laps. You’ve always heard the phrase “It felt like my world fell apart.” and now you finally know what the feeling behind that was. Your mouth goes dry. The world starts spinning. Shit, I did all of this for nothing.

The stinging in your eyes was becoming unbearable. They were so beautiful, feminine, and thin. Everything you were not and everything you wanted to be. The skimpy outfits they had on showed off their perfect figures. You could already imagine the laughs you’d get if you ever wore anything like that. They were the embodiment of sexy. Something you tried to achieve tonight but failed. You were crazy to think you’d turn heads when this was your competition. But at the end of that day that's how it’s always been. You were so jealous, so full of rage and at the same time your heart was shattering. The iron wall you put up masking how you truly feel was breaking at the hinges. You finally look away, unable to handle it a second longer.

“Killer, I'm going back to the ship.” You feel your lip quiver as tears form in your eyes. “I don’t feel good.” You try to run from him but he grabs your wrist.

“Y/N, wait.” You try to shake out of his firm grip.

“Killer I can’t watch that a second longer. I just can’t.” The last part comes out as a sob. “I don’t want to be here, for fucks sake let me go!”

“At Least let me walk you back.” You shake your head, company is the last thing you need.

“No, please just leave me alone.” You pull away from Killer and run towards the door.

You struggle to fight the crowd with tears blurring your vision. A heavy feeling was conjuring in your chest with each unsteady step you took. That was supposed to be me with him.

I need to get out of here. Your steps become sloppy as you try to hurry, causing you to lose your footing. You hit the wooden floor below you face first. The crowd of people around you fell silent. You rise up on your knees and realize something was wrong. Looking down you see a trail of red fabric wrapped around a loose nail on the bar's floor. That red trail of fabric led up to your stomach that was now showing. You try to cover yourself with your hands, but nothing you could do would make their prying eyes leave your body.

Your eyes widen in horror as the people around you start to laugh. You try to stand up but your shoe slips, sending you right back to the floor. Fingers point at you like you were a circus animal performing a trick. It was absolutely mortifying.

Their laughter, their shushed insults swirl in your head with the booming music. The room around you seemed to be getting larger and larger, or maybe you were getting smaller. It was all too much.

“Here Y/N. I’ll help you get up.” You see Killer holding his hand out, but you smack it away.

“I don’t need pity from you!” Your yell causes the crowd to go silent. You stand up on your own and head towards the bar's exit. “I’m going back to the ship. And don’t you dare follow me.” You sling your heels off and use them to cover as much of your bare stomach as you can. You walk out of the bar barefoot and humiliated.

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•

You board the ship and head straight to the safety of your room. You throw your heels to the floor and walk in front of your mirror. The mascara left trails of black down your tear soaked face. Your makeup you worked so hard on perfecting was destroyed, along with the torn dress. The brief moment feeling pretty and confident was gone and replaced by humiliation and disgust. Your hand wraps around the necklace's gold chain before yanking it off.. I’m worthless. You let the torn dress fall to the floor. I’m nothing. You look at your naked body in the mirror. I’m just a joke.

“Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I be pretty? Why can’t I be someone else?” You yell at your reflection while clenching your fist, fighting the urge to punch the mirror. “Goddammit, I can't even stand to look at myself!”

The overwhelming emotions coursing through you causes your knees to give out. You slide to the floor with hands gripping your hair. Swirls of laughter entwined with your destructive thoughts. I hate you, I hate you so much.

Purururu~Purururu~

You hesitate for a moment, but your trembling hand reaches over and grabs the ringing transponder snail.

“Hello?” You try to sound as calm as possible.

“Y/N have you made it back to the ship?” You feel a pang of guilt hearing Killer’s voice remembering what you did to him.

“I made it back, but Killer.. I-I’m.” Hot tears roll down your face. “I’m sorry for yelling at you and smacking your hand. You were just trying to help me..”

“It’s okay Y/N.” Killer tries to reassure you, but it doesn't work.

“It is not okay!” Your body shook trying to fight back wails. Get a grip dammit. “I’m so sorry,I- I’m being emotional. It’s just.. I thought Kid would have liked how I looked ya know.” You wipe your nose with the back of your hand. “I tried so hard but I wasn’t good enough. I never am.”

“That’s not true.” Killer growls. “Don’t say shit like that.”

“Yes it is Killer. You saw how everyone laughed at me like I was some kind of freak. All because of my stomach showing. Did you see how many girls in the bar were walking around wearing bikinis with their stomachs out? No one was laughing at them and you want to know why? Because they are beautiful and I am not.” Killer went quiet as if he was unable to find words to comfort you. “I’m sorry I’m having a melt down on you. This was supposed to be a fun night and I ruined it all because I wanted to tell Kid I love him.” But the love is unrequited. It’s something only you will hold near and dear to your heart, but you're also the sole bearer of its pain. “Killer, don't worry about me, go back into the bar and enjoy yourself. A hot shower should fix me right up. Goodnight.” You hang up before Killer could protest any further and head into the bathroom.

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

Steam from the shower fills your small bathroom. The hot water wraps around your body in a blanket like comfort. The warmth brings back the fond memory between you and Kid. It was when you all first set sail years ago. The ship had to be docked on a Winter Island for emergency repairs. You were used to the South Blue’s mild and warm weather. It only took 1 day of the harsh cold for you to fall ill. No matter how many layers of clothes you had on, no matter how many blankets you wrapped around your body, nothing could warm you.

~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~

“Here Y/N, I made you some hot chocolate.” Killer handed you a big mug. “Be careful, don’t get burnt.”

“Thank you.” Your voice was dry and raspy from coughing. “I haven’t heard Kid yelling or rampaging recently. Is he okay?” You blew the beverage to cool it, before taking a sip. Killer’s laugh reverberated in the room.

“Yeah he’s okay. He’s been cooped up in his workshop. Last time I checked on him he said he was about done with whatever it is he’s working on.” Killer sat on the small wooden chair by your bed.

“Probably something to do with the ship. Hopefully we get out of here soon or I might turn into a Y/N popsicle.” You drank all of the hot cocoa down before letting out a pleased sigh.

“We should be done soon, just rest up for now.” Killer ruffled your hair, something he always did when he was worried about you.”If you need anything let me know.”

“Okay.” You handed the empty mug to him before he walked out of the room.

When you woke up next it was already dark outside. The temperature in the room had dropped even more. You couldn't wait to get the hell away from the snowy hellhole. Your ears perked up when you heard heavy footsteps approaching. You recognized the pattern immediately. The door handle turned and the door opened to reveal a very tired looking Eustass Kid.

“Hey captain.” You gave the red head a weak smile. He didn’t say anything as he shut the door behind him. You noticed he was carrying something in his hands. He stood beside the bed and unrolled what appeared to be a blanket.

“Here.” He pulled the covers off of your body and placed the blanket onto your body. The fuzzy fur that lined it felt so good against your shivering form. “If you click this button it warms up.” He clicked the button and you immediately started to feel the warmth radiate from it. So this is what he’s been working on all this time.

“Thank you Kid.” You snuggled into the blanket.

“Yeah, whatever.” You watched a pink blush decorate his cheeks. You opened your mouth to tease him, but started to cough instead. The force from the coughs caused your body to quake. You pointed at the glass of water on your nightstand. Kid frantically grabbed it and held it against your lips. You gulped the water down and pulled away to take a breath.

“I’m sorry you have to see me like this.” You never liked showing any kind of weakness, especially around Kid.

“It’s okay, you can’t help it.” Kid started to walk over to your bedroom door. You frowned knowing he was going to leave. But to your surprise he didn’t, instead you heard the lock on your door get turned. He kicked his boots off beside the door before he walked back over to the bed. “Move over.”

“Huh?” Your heart hammered in your chest as you watched him remove his jacket, followed by his shirt.

“Don’t make it weird. Just shut up and do what I say.” His non existent eyebrow twitched. Make it weird? You nodded your head and moved over in bed. The bed creaked as Kid’s massive body crawled beside you. Your eyes were glued to his every move as he got comfortable. He was so close that you could feel his body heat. You covered the blankets over your face to hide your giddy expression. But who could blame you, your longtime crush laid shirtless right beside you. “What the hell are you looking at!?” Kid growled out, causing you to turn away from him in the bed. I guess I made it weird.. Oops.

“I’m sorry.” It was embarrassing as hell getting caught checking him out, but it was well worth it.

“Sure you are.” The hairs on your neck stood up hearing how close he was. The bed shifted as he moved until his chest was pressed against your back. He draped a muscular arm around your plush midsection and placed his head on top of yours. Your mind went blank processing what was going on, Eustass Kid was cuddling you. It was strange how small and safe you felt in that moment, like nothing big and bad in the world could get you. It was the most wonderful feeling ever and you never wanted it to end. “Now go to sleep.” You relaxed into his protective hold.

“Roger that captain.” You yawned as you spoke. Between Kid’s warmth and the heated blanket, you were getting coxed right into sleep. You were almost there when you felt Kid gently tighten his grip on you.

“You're okay…… You’re gonna be okay Y/N.” Kid’s voice was barely above a wispear. Your eyes shot open realizing he was saying that to reassure not you, but himself. He must think I’m asleep. “I’ll keep you warm. No matter what.” He may be terrible at showing emotions, but the words he spoke conveyed how much he cared and how worried he was about you.

~~~~Flashback end~~~~

But the warmth from that night was long gone.

“Why not me?” You keep replaying the scene over and over in your head. The way the girls giggled as they traced his biceps. The way they laid against his chest while giving him bedroom eyes. You could only hope he wasn’t going to bring them back to the ship, the last thing you need to hear is him screwing them all night. You feel a throb in your chest just thinking about it. You were sabotaging yourself with no end in sight. The warm shower water was long gone at this point and replaced by the cold.

“I thought you said you would keep me warm? What a fucking liar.”

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

Meanwhile at the bar..

“I would but the bar is on fir.” *Click* Well she hung up.” Killer put the teary eyed snail back into his pocket. “You catch all of that Kid?”

“Yeah, I did.” Kid stood right beside Killer in front of the bar that is now burning to the ground . “What should I do?”

“Well Kid.. I think you should apologize to her. She was so excited about tonight and it went up in smoke.Literally” The bar behind them crashes to the ground. “You love her too, don’t you?”

“I’m no good for her Killer.” Kid clenches his fist. “I hurt her and she is crying because of me. I don’t deserve her. Not one bit.”

“That’s not for you to decide. At the end of the day she wants you Kid.” Killer sighs and places an arm on Kid’s shoulder. “Yes you hurt Y/N, yes she is crying. That’s why you need to go fix it and make sure it never happens again. Now go to her.” Kid contemplated for a moment before making up his mind.

“Killer, you're in charge, take the crew to a different bar.” A scream comes from the pile of burning bar. Kid smirks hearing it. “Seems like one of the lousy fucks that laughed at Y/N didn’t die after I got done with em. But they won’t survive getting burned alive.”

“You technically laughed at her too.” Guilt fills Kid even more.

“I know, shut up.” Kid turns away from his friend. “I just wasn’t used to her looking like that and I didn’t know how to react. It’s not that I didn’t like it or anything..”

“Enough talking.” Killer gave Kid a push before walking away with the rest of the crew. “Go make things right kid. and try to be gentle doing so.”

Kid ran down the empty streets, straight towards the Victoria. He made a few stops, stealing a few things that he hopes would bring a smile back to your face.

~~~~ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

Your body shivers when you step out of the shower. You shouldn’t have stood under the cold water for that long, but you were numb. Physically and mentally. You dry yourself off with a fluffy towel before changing into your night clothes. It felt good to be free of makeup and free of that dress, but it still hurt knowing it was all for nothing. You step out of the bathroom and throw the wet towel in a basket.

“Can we talk?” Your body tenses up ready to fight the intruder until you realize who it was. Kid sat at the edge of your bed, holding a huge bouquet of flowers and a sword.

“Why are you here Kid? Why did you leave the bar?” You shoot him a confused look.

“I burnt that lame ass bar to the ground.” His crazy smile fills his face but goes away in an instant. “More importantly, why did you walk home by yourself? It’s dangerous for a woman. I know you were upset, but I would have came and-”

“Don’t be a sexist pig, besides you looked preoccupied.” The tension in the room was becoming thick and unbearable. “Besides, a woman that looks like me has nothing to worry about.”

“What the hell does that mean Y/N?” Kid’s voice booms against the walls of your room. You could feel your blood boil at his outburst, all the pent up anger and sadness was about to pop.

“What it means is exactly what you think it means, Eustass.” Your brows furrow in anger. “Don’t pretend like you give a shit all of a sudden. You sure didn’t care back at the bar.”

“That’s not true Y/N.” You slam your foot down in frustration at his words. Liar.

“Bullshit Kid! I got my makeup done, dressed pretty, and I tried to be cute just for you and you didn't even care. You only laughed in my face.” At this point you didn’t care what came out of your mouth. “I was going to tell you how I’ve loved you for years. But seeing those girls in your lap reminded me why I keep my feelings secret all this time. Because I knew this is how it would turn out. With all the gorgeous women out there, why the hell would anyone want me. I don’t even want me. You know what I'd give up to look like one of those girls? The envy I feel towards them is down right suffocating..” Your hands come up to cradle your face. “I can’t stand this and I can’t stand you Kid so get out.”

Kid didn’t move. He didn’t speak. Your angry voice fills his ears and your tears reflect in his eyes. At this moment he realizes just how much damage he caused. He is unsure what to do or how to make you feel better. Was there even anything that could? “Go make things right kid. and try to be gentle doing so.”

“Come here Y/N.” He held his flesh hand out. “You're shaking.”

“My shower got cold, but I’ll be fine. Just go away..” Kid stood up, causing you to take a few steps back to create some distance. “I said go away!”

“I’m sorry Y/N.” You're frozen in shock, he has never said sorry to anyone a day in his life. “This is my fault. Truth is I love you too, but I just can’t help but think you deserve someone better. Someone who doesn't get pissy at the drop of a hat, someone who isn’t a huge asshole like I am. Someone more stable. I’m not going to make anymore excuses, just know I do love you. So please come here.”

“I won’t.” Your back was now flush against your bedroom door. Kid turns around and picks up the sword he brought with him.

“Look at what I got~.” He waves the sword as if to bribe you. “I’ll give it to you if you come here~”

“Leave Kid.” You cross your arms and turn away. “And take that lames ass sword and tacky bouquet with you.” The floor vibrates as Kid walks right up to you.

“Oh yeah?” He slams his hands on either side of your head. He was trying to intimidate you but you had no plans on backing down. Your sharp eyes never waiver from his and you stand your ground firmly. “That’s my girl.” His comment caught you so off guard your mind went blank. Kid took advantage of that by wrapping his flesh arm around your back to pull you against him.

“Don’t play with me Kid.” You try to get out of his grasp but his metallic hand comes around your back, completely caging you against his chest. “You just wait Eustass Kid, once I wiggle my way out yo-” You stall the moment you see the gentle look on his face. His smile wasn’t crazy big or sinister. It was pleasant, calm, and very unlike him.

“Want to know something?” He pulls your body away from him a little before his flesh hand cups your tear soaked cheek. “I thought you looked damn good tonight. If I didn’t laugh my jaw would have fallen clean to the floor. But I was right when I said it didn’t suit you.” You raise your brow. So he liked how you looked but it somehow didn’t suit you? “You don’t need dresses or make up to impress me. You do that everyday just being yourself. You don’t have to be thin, feminine or none of that crap. I don’t want you to be anyone else but you. I love everything about you Y/N. I love that excited look you get when you find a really cool weapon or how your eyes get crazy when that said weapon blows something up. I love how you stay close to me when we are fighting, and I know it’s not because you're scared or need my protection which you will always have no matter what. You stay beside me to protect me from my own recklessness.”

“Kid…” Crap, I’m crying again.

“I’m not done yet. I love how you're always broke and bumming money from me. As annoying as it is, I find it cute. I always keep a pouch in my pocket just for you. I bet ya didn’t notice how it has your name engraved on it.”

“Really?” His arms let you go so you could see for yourself. You run over and grab the pouch. You flip it around and see the engraving, but it’s not your name. “Kid, my name is not ‘The reason Eustass Kid is broke’.” You threw the empty pouch at him.

“I’m pretty sure that’s you sweetheart.” Kid fell onto the bed laughing his head off at your pouty expression. “But I truly wouldn't have it any other way. So come here and that’s captain's orders.”

“Fine. I’m tired of arguing.” You mosey your way to him, he spread his legs apart so you could stand in between them. “Just so you know I’m still mad at you.”

“I know. I’ll do whatever it takes to make it right.” His head came down to rest on your plush stomach. The affection he was giving you felt good, but it didn’t change the fact he was a jerk to you earlier.

“So Captain, you said you would do anything to make things right, is that correct?” You reach down and pull his goggles back before letting them go so they smacked against his skin.

“Ow what the hell was that for?” He rubs the sore spot left from your little assault.

“Consider yourself lucky, that's all I do. Now If you want to make things right, listen up.” Kid’s eyes sharpen at your words. He was getting serious.

“I never want to see anyone in your lap that isn’t me.”

“The throne is all yours.”

“It better be, next I want you to be open to me about your feelings the best you can. And I’ll do the same.”

“Of course.”

“I also want that empty room next to Killers room, I need more room for my weapons.”

“Done, it’s yours”

“One last thing, I want a new money pouch. A much bigger one~”

“I'll think about it, you greedy little woman.”

Giggles erupt from your throat as Kid pulls you down with him on the bed. You smile and nuzzle into his chest, taking in the comforting smell of oil and rum. You know there is alot you and him still need to talk about, but for now you just want to enjoy this moment with him.

“You know I did like the red lipstick you had on, but I think a different shade would have looked better…”

“And what shade did you have in mind?” You lift off of his chest and notice his sinister smirk was back.

“Mine.” Before you could question any further he flips your body underneath his and crashes his red lips against yours. The kiss is rough and fueled by years of pent up passion for one another. His hand snakes down your side to give your thick hip a rough squeeze before your lips detach. “Looks like I was right. I bet it would look good here too, even better here, and here.” His lips begin to trail down your neck. Kid pulls back and stares at your flustered face. “Pretty girl, I think I’ll just paint your whole body red.”

And he did just that.

~~~~~~~Bonus~~~~~~~~

You woke up to see Kid sleeping peacefully as he held you against his chest. But by peacefully you mean he was snoring loudly and drooling like a wild animal. Carefully you wiggle your sore body out of his hold. The heat creeps back onto your cheeks thinking how it got sore to begin with.

You wrap a spare blanket around your nude body and crawl out of the bed. The red beast beside of you thankfully didn’t wake up. I need to wash up. On your way over to the bathroom you stop in front of the mirror and let the blanket fall to the floor. Every spot on your body you hated or felt insecure about was covered in Kid’s red kiss marks. Although the marks got fainter and fainter as they went down your body, they were still there nonetheless.

A smile forms on your lips when Kid appears behind you in the mirror. His flesh arm came around your body as he buried his head in the crook of your neck. He planted a soft kiss behind your ear before looking at you in the mirror. You hold back a laugh seeing how wild his hair looked.

“Good morning Captain bedhead.” You give Kid’s bicep a kiss before resting your head against it.

“And who is that thanks to.” His sleep laced voice grumbles in your ear. “You sure held on to it tight and made it a mess while I ate yo-”

“SHUT IT.” You turn around and hide your face in his chest. “You're one to talk anyways. I look like a piece of abstract art.”

“You do and I’m one hell of an artist.” His hand runs up and down your side. “But I’m nowhere close to being done with you.”

“Huh?” You didn’t have the chance to blink before you were slung back onto the bed. “Kid what are you doing?”

He didn’t answer, instead he walks over to your dresser and grabs the tube of red lipstick out of your pile of makeup.

“This will have to do for now.” He bit down on the cap and spit it out before applying the lipstick. “Seems like I missed a spot. I can’t leave my masterpiece unfinished, now can I?”

~End~

1K notes · View notes

gentlebeardsbarngrill · 2 months

Text

02/21/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast & Crew Sightings; Rhys Darby; Samba BTS; Vico Ortiz; Ruibo Qian; HowToHelp; Petition Embed; Queerties Last Day; IRL Outreach Assets; New Watch Parties; Visual Rep of SaveOFMD Effort; Fan Spotlight; Collages; OurFlagMeansBooze; Articles; Morale; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika;

Wow everyone, crazy day again. Day 2 of BTS Darbygeddon. I'm actually going to set a google calendar reminder for tomorrow between 1-2 in case Samba decides to drop another doozy on us. Hope you all had a good day. Here's the highlights-- there's more I would have liked to add but I need to get permission first, so I'll hopefully have them up tomorrow. As always, please let me know if I missed anything <3

== Cast & Crew Sightings ==

= Rhys Darby =

Back again with another Cameo is Rhys for our lovely crewmate @Kellykat53 over on twitter! Thank you so much for sharing this with us Kelly, it's a lovely little inspirational video, definitely gives us plenty of Vitamin RD (as @scorpiostarseed would say). Check out the Cameo

= Saint Samba Schutte =

I've seen several people mention that Samba is a Saint (sorry not sure who started it to attribute it) so going forward, that will be his name. SO MANY BTS pictures and videos. My goodness. Has it even been a day since the last Merstede dump? It has, but damn, here we are with the BOYFRIEND video, and the nipple scratching, and oh look it's Buttons from the Cryptid Factor! As always, if you have access to instagram, please check out these posts on Samba and Rhys' posts/stories.

Videos on Tumblr:

Boyfriends - ty @blakbonnet!

Merstede - ty @kiwistede!

English Jacket - ty @kiwistede!

Cursed Jacket - ty @kiwistede!

Steard Nips - ty @kiwistede!

Rhysently Granted Reunion - ty @kiwistede!

= Vico Ortiz =

Vico voiced the new novel "The Diablo's Curse "by New York Times Best Seller Gabe Cole Novoa! I know some of you are huge Vico fans so wanted to mention it, you can purchase the audio book here. Src: Vico's IG

= Ruibo Qian =

Are you in New York? Our Pirate Queen will be at the #TonyKiserTheater NEXT MONDAY, FEBRUARY 26 at 6:30PM for a one night only reading of On The Evolutionary Function of Shame, by D.A. Mindell - For more details visit here.

== How to Help ==

Hey all! We're adding some things to the daily task lists (and taking some off). Here they are!

= Petition Embed Code =

Looking to easily embed the petition link in your AO3 fic, or maybe your email? @sonnetforbonnet was kind enough to provide us with some embeds you can use! Please visit the repo for the codes!

= Last day for Queerties! =

Please remember to vote! Today's the last day!

Best TV Comedy

Best TV Performance

= IRL Outreach Assets =

== New Watch Parties Coming Up! ==

The Pirates! Watch Party! This is a family friendly movie so bring the kids! Or the adults-- or anyone you know, really, as long as it's not against their will! Sunday March 3rd, 3 PM EST, 12 PM PST, 8 PM GMT!

Watch Party Hashtags:

#OurPirateCaptain

#SaveOFMD

#AdoptOurCrew

== Visual Representation of Fandom Efforts to SOFMD ==

Remember our friends that had the in person Matelotage Processional? Well they're back with a funny video illustrating the fandom efforts of Save OFMD!

Fangirlfoto's Instagram Don't have instagram? See the video on the repo here.

＝＝ Fan Spotlight ＝＝

Thank you once again to @wndrngnomad on twitter for all their awesome collages dedicated to the Cast and Crew! Day 21: Calypso's Birthday! Perfectly timed considering the lovely Boyfriend themed BTS we got today! Catch-Up: Day 2: Madeleine Sami!

= Our Flag Means Booze! =

Our absolutely brilliant crew-mate @quiet-compassion over on tumblr has been designing OFMD Themed Drinks since the show was dropped by Max! These not only have super fun and creative names you'll all recognise, but an amazing array of flavours too! If you're 21+ (in the US) or the appropriate age for drinking in your country, feel free to try them out! As always, please drink responsibly! Are you celebrating with Moonglow Manifesting? Why not try the "Moon Glow" cocktail for the end of the event! Want to see ALL their concoctions? Head on over to the repo, they're all there!

== Articles ==

17 Facts and Easter Eggs about OurFlagMeansDeath That will Get you On Board - 17 Fakten und Easter Eggs zu „Our Flag Means Death“, die dich ins Boot holen - ty @AddieH on twitter

Max: The 34 Absolute Best TV Shows to Watch

==Morale ==

Hey crew. I've been hearing some scuttlebutt around the deck that people are starting to worry again about whether or not s3 is going to happen. The love notes section is already pretty long so I'm not gonna go too crazy up here too -- instead I'm going to just point out that David Jenkins, while not active and posting things for us right now, is sneakily poking around in Samba and Rhys' BTS comments. He's still there, he's still watching, and I think he can tell we're all feeling the high from Samba's releases. Don't give up hope, these things take time. They're gonna get there. I'm gonna add the trends to this section today because I think it's important to see what we did today:

== Love Notes ==

Hey Lovelies. I know I've said it before, but it bares repeating since I know a lot of you are struggling right now.

Just a gentle reminder that if your brain is telling you that there's something wrong with you, or that you've done something wrong or embarrassing -- it's lying to you.

There's been so much dopamine from all the excitement lately with the BTS, that it has to come down at some point, and when it does, your brain will sometimes over-compensate and you start feeling maybe worse than you did before.

This is totally normal, it really is. Our brains are glorious complex pathways of unmeasurable brilliance, and yet a simple hormone change can make that same brain tell us that we're not enough, or we're not worthy.

I am here to remind you, you are so very much enough.

No matter what is happening in your life-- in your job, in your personal relationships, in your family, in your school, anywhere--

YOU ARE ENOUGH, EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE.

If you feel like you've failed, or you've let someone down, just know you are STILL enough. We all fail, it's how we learn.

We pick ourselves back up and we try again, and if we fail again--

We're STILL enough, and we are still worthy of love and comfort.

Eventually you will succeed. You will get there, and all the while while you work on it, YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.

I know it's so hard to see when you're feeling small, but I see you all every day, and I am awe-struck at your constant ability to band together and not only find love and support, but give it so freely and lovingly.

A simple @ to someone, alerting them to something they'd like

A love note in dms or on a tumblr post

A gif or picture or video brought to tumblr from some other platform so others can see them.

Writing a fic or drawing a picture.

A reblog with tags, goofy or not

Anon Asks showing people you support how they feel about a given topic

Liking a post.

These are all love notes. No matter how public or private, they're all there and they all add up eventually to form this wonderful community and you've been kicking ass at love.

I know we all look like we're having a good time, but a lot of us are struggling silently, and yet we're finding ways to reach out to one another and spread love to help us all get through. Love isn't always positivity, it can be commiseration, or frustration on behalf of someone. You all are finding the best ways to help your crew, and I'm so very proud of you.

You all are capable, creative, gifted, beautious piles of stardust smooshed together into one wonderfully unique package, and you are so very loved.

You are enough,

You are loved,

and THINGS WILL GET BETTER Lovelies.

Get some rest <3 You got this.

= Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika =

What can I say, I literally can't not include this Rhys gif today. It's physically impossible, please forgive me. Good fucking lord, I'm going to Costa Rica now. Also, sorry I tried to get a matching Taika gif, but I have run out of brain cells. Hopefully this one will suffice.

Rhys - Courtesy of @bizarrelittlemew

Taika - Courtesy of @studiomoon

#ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #daily ofmd recap #daily ofmd recaps #taika waititi #rhys darby #ofmd #our flag means death #vico ortiz #ruibo qian #save ofmd #saveofmd #save our flag means death #ofmd bts #samba schutte #saint samba schutte

119 notes · View notes

that-ari-blogger · 5 months

Text

Of Course Orpheus Is Here

As I have analysed Stray Gods: The Role Playing Musical, my thesis has been that this is a story about change, choice, and family. This is why Persephone is a majour player, for example, because of the symbolism of that character and the associated themes of her story. But there is one character who is so iconic to these themes that he has become the poster child for the power of love in Ancient Greek mythology.

It would have been a crime to not include Orpheus in this story. Both because of the themes mentioned above, but also because it's a musical, and Orpheus was a bard. This character was handed to the writers on a silver platter. They didn't even have to change anything to make him fit.

But they did change Orpheus. Or rather, they did give their own take on the character.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Let's start simple. Who was Orpheus in the myth? I know that this may be obvious, but it's nice to have everyone on the same page and to cite some sources.

According to Britannica, Orpheus was a bard who traveled with the Argonauts to retrieve the golden fleece, and married Eurydice. After her death...

"Overcome with grief, Orpheus ventured himself to the land of the dead to attempt to bring Eurydice back to life."

Which didn't go well for him. He was told to not look back, but he did anyway, and she was gone forever. The story continues, but it's all about his dismemberment, so I'm going to stop here. Worldhistory.org backs up this story, with some added context about his brother being killed by Hercules, amongst other interesting things. I encourage you to read the articles for yourselves.

In Stray Gods, the audience is introduced to Orpheus indirectly. As in, the entire segment with Orpheus in it is a reference to the myth. Freddy, Grace's friend (and in some playthroughs, love interest) has been killed and Grace will descend to the underworld to get her back. Immediately, the parallels are obvious, and we haven't met the guy yet.

There is also the parallel between Orpheus and Persephone. Specifically, the entitlement. Both feel that they made their choice and deserve the reward almost as a payment. The opening of this song serves to remind the audience, or spell it out if they don't already know, Persephone's backstory and motivation in this musical.

This is Orpheus's introductory shot. He's standing on a cliff overlooking an empty kingdom. You want symbolism? Here it is. Everything in this man's life has led up to this, this is a life he has built for himself. Except that he hasn't built it, he's taken it from someone else and is completely unequipped to deal with it. Orpheus is not a good ruler; Orpheus is an extremely lonely man.

And yet he is surrounded by people, by fans, by a chorus. Why is he so lonely?

He's lonely because these are ghosts, both literally and figuratively. They aren't friends or companions or anything similar, they are empty adoration, and he knows. The masks they wear serve to drive this point even further, there is no individuality, they aren't people to him, they are subjects. Orpheus is trying to become like Hades.

"Someone's coming..."

"You better be ready,"

"A wolf if wating in the tune."

"He's a master of his craft"

"Someone's coming..."

"We have to take back..."

"I can feel them howling at the moon."

"What is mine."

Stray Gods does this a lot. Two characters singing over the top of each other. But instead of shouting to be heard, they instead swap between like they are each the backup singer for the other. This is my favourite example by far.

It serves to show off how similar the characters are, but also their conflict and differences. It's like an argument through lyrics.

And that drum. That drum that keeps moving. Steady, like a clock, beating over and over, relentlessly. The drum that punctuates their words.

Time has made enemies of these two, both victims of a cruel king, now bitterness has turned them against each other. And the ticking of that percussive clock keeps on going, as if it's enjoying tormenting them. Until all of a sudden, it is gone.

This is how you present a threat. Grace has so far been the one to control the music, the one to get answers. And now here is a man who can do the same thing.

Orpheus isn't the biggest danger to Grace at all, but the emotionally charged nature of this interaction, combined with how much fun he has doing exactly what she does, means that Orpheus is portrayed here as an outright villain. For the moment anyway.

This is a villain song. This is the cackling egomaniac explaining his plans to the audience, so they know to root against him, while simultaneously explaining how great he is. I couldn't help linking the "best that's ever been" line to Ratigan's World's Greatest Criminal Mind song from The Great Mouse detective. And like Ratigan, Orpheus is surrounded by sycophants who talk absolute bollocks to please him, because he is in command. Exhibit A:

"I haven't really sung a single word."

"No he hasn't even sung a single word."

The man has been singing for nearly three minutes straight at this point.

"What's your problem with Persephone?"

Finally, we understand some things. Why is Orpheus so bitter? Because the love of his life was taken from him, and he blames Persephone for not doing anything about it.

But take this line for example:

"And Persephone you stood right beside him and said what a shame."

Contrast that with this line from an earlier song.

"You abandoned me to a terrible fate... you know how far I bent before I snapped."

The second line is from Old Wounds, and it is Persephone accusing Apollo of abandoning her, now Orpheus accuses Persephone of the same thing. This isn't so much a literary parallel, but two literary lines layered on top of each other.

The point I am making is that Orpheus factors into this story as a warning. Choices have consequences, sure, but so does doing nothing. Apathy leads to complacency, and when victims lash out and the cause of their pain is unavailable, the people who could have acted and did nothing are easy targets.

The caveat is that this is metered by human perception, which doesn't always match reality. Orpheus has perceived Persephone's inaction as being complicit and hasn't recognised her pain. Meanwhile Persephone has done the same to Apollo. And Apollo has actually done this to himself, seeing his own inaction as a weakness, whether accurate or not.

Then there is the question of why Orpheus is so associated with rock. As in, it's fun, and this song is a genuine bop. But why was this choice made? He could have easily gone for more classical, memorial tone, or even sung a pop song. So why this? Other than because a ghost electric guitar is awesome.

"[Rock] has been a symbol of rebellion, youth, and freedom. Rock music has also been a symbol of social change. It has been used to voice the concerns of the oppressed and to challenge the status quo."

- Boysetsfire.net.

Essentially, rock is a genre about change or bringing about change. And what does Orpheus want to do? He wants to take revenge, to change his circumstances. He's been wating for this moment for years, and now he is ready.

But Orpheus is an incredibly static character, at least when he is introduced. He stews and can't move on past injuries. So, in my reading, this is what this song is, the rock here is to bring about the change in Orpheus and Persephone, in finally getting them to move on.

"If he's the victim, what am I?"

This is, in my opinion, the most revelatory part of this song and the musical as a whole. Its a lack of understanding of this basic fact: Pain is not exclusive. If one person is traumatised, that doesn't eliminate or minimise what someone else went through. Life isn't a game of who is suffering more. If you want to heal, you need to understand not just yourself, but those around you. You don't have to empathise, but seeing another victim as an opponent isn't helpful and actively harms people more.

And if pain isn't exclusive, neither is healing. It is our duty as human beings to be kind, and if someone needs help, to at least offer and be willing to give aid. We are a collaborative species. If two people are in pain, especially because of a single cause, then helping each other to heal is always an option.

That drum that I identified with time and trauma returns for most of the song, playing erratic rhythms in ways a music scholar could probably analyse with much more coherence than me. What I will say is when the two finally reconcile, they sing over each other again, but this time it's less of an argument and more of a conversation, and that drum is nowhere to be seen.

They can take this healing on their own terms, in their own time.

Final Thoughts:

I love this song, and I love that Orpheus was included here. I feel that this song is a really nuanced discussion of the effects of someone like this version of Hades. He's not here, he's dead, but his legacy remains, and that empty throne is still ruling over Orpheus and Persephone as if they are still his subjects. I hope my analysis expressed this nuance coherently.

Next week I am covering both Adrift Reprise and The Trial. So stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #character analysis #what's so special about...?#greek mythology #stray gods #stray gods the roleplaying musical #stray gods persephone #stray gods game #persephone #orpheus #stray gods the musical #stray gods spoilers #stray gods orpheus

36 notes · View notes

babygirltangerine · 10 months

Text

i often think about how the environment plays such a big role in the storytelling of the bullet train movie while also shaping the story itself, and all of the characters have such a unique way of interacting with their surroundings, with their belongings, and with objects in general. i'm also interested in the meanings they ascribe to these objects, so of course i have to make a post about it.

for the wolf, objects remind him of where he's been, what he's been through and what he's accomplished: we see his identity tied to the wolf pendant he'd been given as a boy, and he takes clothing articles from the people he kills (like the sunglasses, shoes, and hat) as he rises through the ranks of el saguaro's organization. it's also very meaningful that he wears his wedding suit to the train (and part of that is a belt that says mexico on it).

objects for tangerine signify who he wants to be - a lot of his identity management is wrapped up in portraying himself as polished, as wealthy, and as in control, and again, clothing and jewelry is a big part of this. also important to mention is his kleptomania and his compulsive need to accumulate as much as possible (which i interpret as a symptom of his growing up in poverty) and this is just one way the story clarifies that his image is an expression of desire and a crafted self rather than an authentic one. tangerine is constantly grappling for control and objects play a large part in establishing this theme, but objects are mostly in control of him, not the other way around.

objects for ladybug are tied to survival, not only for himself but for those around him. they're distractions and decoys, they buy time and disarm his opponents in intentionally non-lethal ways. he doesn't like guns. he doesn't like to kill, and he is incredibly resourceful in his pursuit of nonviolence. ladybug is in a constant state of damage control and the objects he chooses to discard or keep in his possession give him some sense of control over his bad luck.

objects for lemon provide a means of communication and a lens for understanding the world and the people around him. the sticker book objectifies the role thomas the tank engine plays in his life, and acts not only a reference for him to categorize personalities but also as a way to express his beliefs to those around him. percy sticker, diesel sticker, thomas sticker. i also like that objects for lemon tend to have protective qualities - the bulletproof vest saved him from the gunshots and tangerine's medallion saved him from drowning. when i rewatch the movie, i appreciate how this makes me feel like he's never in any real danger despite the massive target on his back as a black man ("i don't bleed").

objects for prince provide a way to get what she wants. she uses weapons - taser, rigged gun, explosives in the briefcase - and disguises to achieve her goals. she uses objects to manipulate people and paint a picture of herself as innocent and harmless. at the same time objects reveal her true nature, such as the shibumi novel she reads and the dangerous scissors-inspired hair clip. the hornet uses objects similarly. for her it's also all about stealth and weapons and disguises.

objects for shigeru relate to his past, the knowledge he's gained from it, his goals and his beliefs. thinking of the cane with the sword inside, how he fights with both, and the flowers - how he went into hiding and became a florist. we see him with flowers at various stages in his goal to get revenge on the white death (in the hospital room with wataru, as he boards the train, and when the white death has finally been defeated). when i think of shigeru and flowers, i also think of his trust in fate, the natural world and the forces of the universe.

for the white death, objects signify beginnings and endings. i associate the white death with his mask (again, identity management, the mask signals the birth of a new criminal empire and the emergence of its new leader) as well as the car he was meant to be in, and his robe and slippers. the beginning of his reign and the end of it, how objects symbolize his rise to power and the consequences he's now facing.

the importance of objects in the story can also be seen through the prominence of the briefcase, the water bottle, the rigged gun, the wolf's knife, and the tangerine and lemon truck, all of which serve a narrative purpose and have a presence in the story from the beginning to the end.

#put under a read more because it's a little long even though i tried to keep it short 😭#but anyway #symbolic interactionism my beloved #im also not sure if shigeru's flowers have a specific meaning that i don't know about #i tried to look up what the flowers were but couldnt find anything #bullet train #meta #tangerine #lemon #ladybug #the wolf #the prince #the white death #shigeru kimura

98 notes · View notes

ironstrange1991 · 2 years

Text

The Point Of No Return (Part I)

A fanfic slightly inspired by the play The Phantom of the Opera

+18 Smut (a lot) / Angst / Horror (just a bit)

Pairing: Sinister!Strange x Fem!Reader / Doctor!Strange x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: When a strange and dark man starts to haunt the reader's dreams her life is turned upside down and she discovers in the hard way that if you can't wake up from the nightmare maybe you're not asleep at all.

Word Count: 3,700k

Warnings: Dark themes! Psychological manipulation, Dubious consent, Mentions of abuse of medications and alcohol, Mentions of injuries and blood, Deception, Stockholm syndrome(?), Sexual content (P in V, masturbation with both receiving, oral sex with both receiving, fingering, physical control, domination, bondage.)

Writers note: This will be a long fanfic divided in chapters. You will find references to lyrics, scenes and dialogues from the play The Phantom of the Opera as long as others movies and TV series throughout the story including possible spoilers from this play/movies/series.

As usual I would like to remind you that english is not my first language so there will probably have some grammatical mistakes here and there but I hope it doesnt spoil your experience.

----------------------------------------

“The trap is set and awaits for its prey.

I have brought you that our passions may fuse and merge. In your mind you already succumbed to me, dropped all defences, completely succumbed to me. Now your are here with me, no second thoughts, you’ve decided.”

His voice was like a melody playing in your head nonstop. Those words that loved you, scared you, tortured you in dreams.

The first time you saw him your whole body shivered, your heart raced in your chest and your mind told you to run away, but your body remained standing there at his mercy, at the mercy of his scarred hands and when he touched your face you knew somehow you would be his.

You were distracted again, totally lost in your own mind, staring blindly in front of you as your students screamed, laughed, argued among themselves.

“[Y/N], did you hear what I said?”

You faced Anne, your coworker and the closest you had to a friend, she was standing in front of you.

“Sorry, can you repeat that?”

“The bell rang five minutes ago. The kids are waiting.”

You nodded “Oh sure, I'm sorry. I didn’t hear it.”

You got up. “You can go now kids. Have a nice weekend everyone.”

The kids ran to pack their things and ran out the door bumping into each other.

"Careful, go slow" Anne shouted at them.

You sighed, flopping down on the chair.

Anne pulled the chair sitting in front of you. “May I ask what's going on with you? You've been acting weird for a long time, but it's gotten worse in the last few weeks. You are distracted, barely eating. I can see by your dark circles under your eyes that you haven't been sleeping as well.”

You ran your hand over your face shaking your head. “I'm just a little tired, that's all.”

Anne didn't seem to buy it, but you didn't bother trying to convince her. Instead, you got up and started putting the materials from your desk in the closet.

“All right, if you don't want to tell me, don't tell me.” She sighed and then giggled taking something out of her bag. “I was almost forgeting, I saw this article in the newspaper today talking about your crush and I couldn't help but stole the page for you.”

You closed the closet barely realizing what she was talking about. There was a kind of numbness around you, everything seemed meaningless, it was as if none of it was real and you didn't know how to explain that feeling so you didn't even tried.

Anne reached out, waving the torn page of the newspaper in front of you, handing it to you. You opened the folded paper and saw a picture of Doctor Stephen Strange with the headline: Superhero saves the day by fighting monsters on the streets of NY.

You looked at the photo longer than you should, then you folded the paper and stuffed it inside your bag. “I need to go, we'll talk later.”

Anne widened her eyes stopping in front of you. “Not at all. You're not even going to comment on the matter? You love talking about this guy! You see, I'm saying there's something wrong with you.”

You sighed. “I'm tired, Anne. Sorry if I'm not excited to talk about my platonic crush today, I just want to go home, shower, and sleep.”

She nodded. “All right girl, but don't forget to call me to let me know you are okay. I'm worried about you. Are you sure you're not sick?”

You nodded digging through your bag until you found your car keys. “I'll call you later.”

She nodded and you walked past her out of the room and walking quickly through the silent, empty hallways.

As you arrived at your tiny apartment, you dropped off your shoes and placed your keys and bag on the counter before stepping onto the fluffy rug that seemed to caress your aching feet from standing all day.

You were hungry, but looking at the empty fridge, you sighed and closed it again. After all what did you expect? Food wouldn't materialize in the fridge if you didn't bother going to the supermarket.

Frustrated, you quickly made yourself a cup of coffee and took two pills to help you stay awake. Your record was now 42 hours without sleeping and you were hoping to pave the way to beat that record as there was no way you were going to allow yourself to sleep again anytime soon.

You finished your coffee when you heard your cell phone vibrating inside your bag. You went to the counter and rummaged through the things inside until you find the phone. The piece of newspaper Anne gave you crumpled under your hands. You took it along with your cell phone and threw yourself on the couch.

The message was Anne’s, of course, besides her the only people who texted were from work – and they wouldn’t text you on a Friday night, the owner of the apartment when you were late on rent and telemarketing.

Anne's message read: I'm meeting some friends from college tomorrow night. Come with us, please. You need to meet new people.

You sighed without bothering to answer. If your plan worked out, you'd be even more dizzed the next day, and no way you'd risk leaving anywhere.

You stared at the piece of newspaper and unfolded it looking at the picture of Doctor Strange: he was standing on top of the hood of a taxi looking at something you thought was probably the monster. Some time ago you would have been melting looking at that photo, maybe even cut it out and pasted it together with the many others you shamefully keep in a notebook hidden in your closet as if you were still sixteen.

Today, on the other hand, looking at a picture or even hearing the name of Doctor Strange gave you shivers down your spine and an immense discomfort in your chest as if someone had punched your stomach and the air was drained from your lungs.

It had been like this for months now. The dreams hadn’t stopped.

Sighing, you stood up, tore the newspaper into several pieces and threw it in the trash. You walked to your room, entering the small bathroom and filled the tub with hot water to try to relax your muscles that were tense and sore.

As usual, you turned the cd player to full volume to prevent you from falling asleep while showering and allowed yourself to get into the tub. Running up that hill started to play. You already liked the song, but you'd been obsessed with it since watching the episode of the last season of Stranger Things and in a way you couldn't help but draw a parallel between your daily struggle with depression and the character Max's struggle to escape the demon Vecna.

You had repeated this little ritual of bathing and loud music many times with success, so it was hard to say what went wrong this time, but the moment you opened your eyes and the water was overflowing from the tub, somber classical music was playing coming from some distant room and a ghostly blue light filled the space, you knew you were dreaming and your heart raced, your skin shivering with dread.

You turned off the faucet and slowly stepped out of the tub, wrapping yourself in your robe as you shivered. When you came out of the bathroom, it wasn't your room your saw anymore, it was the same room you always saw: a large room, full of bookshelves, carpet and dark, heavy curtains, but they were torn, moth-eaten and smelled of dust. The entire room looked destroyed and the musty and damp smell made it look like no one had lived there for many years.

These were all impressions you had the first time you saw the place, now you were used to it, you would always end up there when you failed to stay awake and ended up falling asleep. It was more common than you'd like it to be, but it was still terrifying as it was the first time.

You walked across the room feeling your heart pounding in your chest. If it was like every other time, and it was always the same every time you dreamed, soon you wouldn't be alone in that room anymore and then the nightmare would begin.

In dreams he came every other night and this one wouldn’t be different.

You stood by the window watching the stormy sky outside, always as if the world were disintegrating in a silent hurricane that took with it every trace of life from that godforsaken place.

And there he was inside your mind.

“You're here finally. I missed you. Isn't it enough to make me suffer waiting for you when all I want is to please you?”

You closed your eyes listening to that voice that haunted you even when you were awake. That deep, terribly beautiful voice that talked to you and called your name.

You felt him behind you. His body so close you could feel its heat and his hot breath on the back of your neck.

“You look so tired, so frail. Why deprive yourself of your sleep? Am I really that scary that you don't want to come back to me?”

Usually you tried to be silent. You were well acquainted with the pattern of his sickned behavior. First he would shower you with tender words, swearing he loved you more than anyone else, but when he didn't get the answer he wanted he would speak to you in a cold, threatening voice.

He ran a hand around your neck and held on tightly. “I'm here. Why you reject me? What do I need to do to make you love me like you love him?”

Then he'd go for what he really wanted from you and if you didn't fight it, maybe he'd let you wake up. He was the master of your dreams now.

“Well then, I'll have you in a way or another.”

He took you by the arm and threw you on the bed. You stared at him trying to hold back from crying. It was worse when you cried.

He made a gesture with his hands and a rope of purple magic tied your hands and feet to the bed. This was new and he smirked at the surprise in your eyes.

He snapped his fingers and your clothes disappeared leaving you completely naked and open for him to do as he pleased.

“Look at you, so beautiful, completely open to me. I know you like it. You can pretend all you want, but I know how much you love it when I'm inside you.” He cooed “Is that why you're so afraid to come here? Because deep down you know you like the things I do to you?”

You struggled against the bonds, a tear falling from your eyes.

He brought his hand up to his erection, rubbing over his clothes, unable to control the desire he felt for you and as much as you hated to admit it, your own body betrayed you, and he could smell your arousal as you got shamefully wet by only listening to his voice. That damn devilish baritone voice.

He crawled into bed coming closer to you, his face so close to yours you could feel the heat of his breath. Your body was shaking, tears streaming down your face.

“You look so beautiful when you cry” He muttered smiling mischievously. He kissed your lips quickly and you tried to pull away, but he cupped your chin and licked the tears that were streaming down your cheek.

You closed your eyes waiting for that nightmare to end.

“It's not real, it's not real” You muttered to yourself. “It's just a dream, it can’t hurt me.”

You were so focused on trying to wake up that you didn't notice when he pulled away, going down on you, only noticing when you felt his tongue licking your slit. Your entire body trembled at that touch and a kind of whining moan escaped your lips involuntarily.

You heard his laugh vibrating between your legs, but you didn't allow yourself to open your eyes.

“You are not real. You can’t be real”

He licked again, the same slow, precise movement collecting your dripping fluids and stopping at your clit, giving it special attention, licking and sucking, circleling his tongue around your bud of nerves and before you could stop, your hips started moving towards his mouth. It was as if your body had a life of its own, you couldn't contain the wave of lust that washed over you every time he took you in dreams like this.

He used his fingers to open the folds of your clit and licked there, curving his tongue over it, playing with your most sensitive spot and you moaned loud and clear, a moan of pleasure that filled you with shame.

“Oh it's delicious, isn't it? You can't resist, can you?”

He smirked “Why you chose to fight me when you like the feeling? Look how your body responds to my touch.”

He slipped two fingers inside you, curving them perfectly to hit the precise point that brought you to the brink of an orgasm.

You panted. Your fists clenched so tightly that your nails dug into your skin, drawing blood. You bit your bottom lip hard trying to stop the moans and kept your eyes closed.

He withdrew his fingers and slid them back into you, increasing the pace as he fucked you with his rough scarred fingers.

“Open your eyes, my love, look at me.”

His voice seemed to purr at you. Like a demon trying to seduce you for his own purposes. Manipulating you at his will.

“Open your eyes. Don’t fight me. You know you want this. You know you want me, your body doesn't lie.”

You could no longer contain the moans that left your lips, nor could you fight your hips that curved forward to get the most of the pleasure that his fingers gave you. It was useless, all that was useless. You always surrendered to him in the end. Every time and that's why those nightmares were so terrible. Because you felt helpless at his mercy.

He brought his lips back to your clit, sucking and licking, his fingers penetrating you in suck an intense pace, your breathing getting difficult and irregular as you felt the familiar shaking at the bottom of your belly.

You opened your eyes and the sight of him between your legs licking you while maintaining eye contact was devilishly arousing and you were moaning loudly and your moans were pornographic now, your hips moving in circles, your hands fighting the shackles of magic, but this time you didn't want to run away. He had won.

He continued working his tongue nimbly on your clit, his fingers fucking you at an increasingly rapid pace. That shaking was getting stronger and stronger and you knew that if he continued you would cum shamefully in his mouth.

“Please, I beg you… stop!”

He didn't listen to you. Why would he? Instead he lifted his free hand and made a subtle gesture with his fingers releasing one of your hands and automatically your hand grabbed his hair, pressing it down, trying to increase the friction between you and his mouth.

He chuckled satisfied, curling his fingers inside you so deftly you couldn't help it.

Your body writhed against the bonds, a loud scream escaping your lips as you gave yourself to your high. Always so intense, so devastating, always leaving you completely drained. As you relaxed, your face sank into the pillows trying to hide how satisfying it was.

He loosened the rest of the bonds looking at you smirking devilishly.

“Your lips ask me to stop, but your body tells me otherwise, my love. Why you fight something that gives you so much pleasure?”

You sighed still dazzed from your orgasm.

“Because... because it feels wrong.”

“How can it be wrong when it feels so good?” He cooed.

You did not answer. Tears coming back to your eyes now.

“Please let me wake up.”

He shook his head, taking your hand and directing it to his throbbing cock.

“You'll be good and you'll repay the pleasure I gave you, won't you?”

You nodded between your sobs as tears fell down your face.

“I know you will” He muttered mischievously unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants. He approached you kneeling by your head, his cock hanging frighteningly erect just inches away from your face.

He caressed your cheeks. His hands went up to your head, taking all your hair and pulling it into a ponytail and directing you until his cock touched your face.

"Open your mouth for me" He demanded.

You obeyed and put it in your mouth as best as you could. He was big and thick and your mouth barely held his size, but he insisted on pushing, never giving up control.

“Your mouth is so deliciously warm, my love.” He grunted.

You choked a few times, tears streaming down your face, saliva dripping from your mouth as you tried to please him as best you could.

He kept his hips still, moving your head to a pace that satisfied him and it took what felt like an absurd amount of time before you felt him throbbing, his breathing getting more labored, his pace getting more erratic and you knew he was near.

“Look at me while you swallow my cock” He demanded and you did as you were told. “I'm going to cum in your mouth and you better not waste a drop. Are you listening to me?”

You nodded in total obedience as he tugged hard on your hair.

“Good girl. Such a good girl.”

He kept fucking your mouth until his moans turned into loud, obscene growls and he started to spill into your mouth. A hot load down your throat.

“That's right, swallow it all. Excellent. Good girl.” His compliments was obsessive “You did so well for me, I know you like to please me, you like to be mine, don’t you?”

Those compliments were possessive and scary, but a part of you knew he was right, a part of you enjoyed having sex with him every time, even if it scared you.

He withdrew from your mouth and threw himself on the pillows beside you and pulled you into his chest.

“You are feeling it, don’t you? This sweet intoxication? You love me as much I love you. I know you do.”

You were too physically and mentally exhausted to fight him, so you gave in, resting your head on his chest and closing your eyes, wishing with all your might that you could wake up.

“I'll allow you to come back now, but remember, I will always come back for you.”

His voice grew farther and farther dissipating in the nothingness.

When you opened your eyes you were lying naked on your bed. The loud music and the strange noise coming from the bathroom made you startle and you got up running in time to see your bathroom completely flooded by the water that overflowed from the bathtub. You turned off the radio and turned off the faucet totally dazzed and went back to the room sitting on the bed again. The clock on the bedside table showed that was past 10 pm. You'd slept for nearly four hours, but you were now fully alert, your heart pounding probably from the coffee and pills.

It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense anymore. It had been just over 12 hours since you had slept, it shouldn't have happened so quickly again, especially if you thought that your body was feeling all the effects of the medication you took to keep yourself awake.

When those dreams started you were amused, even amused at the idea of dreaming about Stephen Strange because it felt natural since you were obsessed with the guy, but soon the dreams got weirder and darker and you started to get scared. Scared of him.

You covered yourself with your robe and went down to the living room and by doing it you couldn't help but notice the discomfort between your legs, an uncomfortable dampness that proved those dreams were getting more and more intense. As much as it embarrassed you, you couldn't help but feel aroused by the memories.

You grabbed your cell phone and flopped down on the couch, your legs dangling lazily as you performed your own embarrassing post-dreaming ritual: Opened your photo gallery, opened the photo album you've saved from the internet, and swipe each one as your fingers dove between your legs and you were so wet, your clit as sensitive as if you'd cum a few minutes ago, but it was a just a dream, right? It couldn't affect reality, could it? You didn’t know what was real anymore.

You circled your clit gently with your fingers imagining his scarred fingers while looking at the pictures. Your fingers sliding inside you as you imagined he was the one fingering you.

Soon you were moaning uncontrollably and it didn't take long for you to cum with your eyes closed now as you kept the image of him in your mind.

Him, always him... Doctor Strange.

In some other godforsaken universe, Doctor Strange wandered through empty corridors keeping the sweet memories of you in mind.

In his head a melody played over and over from some long-forgotten past, he hummed those lyrics longing to have you again in his arms where you belonged.

Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you.

Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind

in this darkness that you know

You cannot fight…

MASTERLIST

---------------------------------

Part 2 already posted. You can read it HERE

#doctor strange #doctor strange fanfic #sinister strange #sinister strange x reader #doctor strange smut #sinister strange smut #doctor strange x reader #in another universe fanfic #marvel fanfic #smut fanfic #benedict cumberbatch fanfic #benedict cumberbatch #the phantom of the opera

447 notes · View notes

thotsforvillainrights · 4 months

Note

Hello! I saw that your request box was open, since it’s Christmas could you possibly write a NSFW scenario about Overhaul x numb reader. (The reader has no expression on her face and doesn’t really show emotion) for an Example: out of nowhere she walks into Overhaul’s office in just Christmas wrapping paper and says “come unwrap me” and overhaul is just in shock at her boldness but he is all so turned on by this.

(PLEASE SKIP IF YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS TOPIC sorry if this is confusing)

(I was supposed to actually go full fledged into the request and shell out some good smut but ended up somehow tiptoeing through it. I'm so sorry about that! Just got home from spending Christmas with my 2 sides of the family so I'm winding down by working off my feelings from the other day with the asks. Merry Christmas!)

~Christmas Present~

You were numb but he never minded it.

In fact, he was himself the same in a way. When you stop to think about it, Kai was always holding the same stoic expression on his face that you were. Many of the others began to wonder how it was possible you two had found your way to each other in the first place with the way you seemed to interact with each other. Yet and still, he knew you like the back of his hand...

Or so he thought.

You'd never really surprised him an any ways. He always mentioned how much he didn't like surprises to begin with. His disdain for surprise and your comfortableness with keeping things mundane seemed to go hand in hand. Neither of you ever complained about it anyway. In fact, if there ever WAS a problem to come about then the two of you had no issues expressing how you felt and immediately snuffing the problem out. But something in your brain clicked here recently. Maybe it was too much daytime television, or maybe you were being influenced by the recent gossip magazines. Either way, you were starting to wonder if maybe there was something more to this relationship that you could bring out? Don't get me wrong here, the two of you have both expressed your interests with each other both in and out. The longer you've been together, the more pressing some of the conversations had becomes. Turns out he wasn't as much as a mysophobe as either of you previously thought him to be. This was proven true by the way his hand began to wander into yours. Hugging, hand holding, kissing...and soon more began to come about. He figures 'if I'm to do this with anyone, then let it be my Y/N I suppose.' He's given into his urges and you never seemed to complain. However, the same position every time, the same amount and technique applied made you wonder once again if there was something more.

So for the first time in your life, you embraced the ability to surprise. You took some extra time, read some extra articles or blogs, spent more time looking at yourself in the mirror. No you may not have been the most attractive girl/boy/person in the world to few people, but to him you knew he couldn't resist. With all the time you spent adorning yourself in the Christmas themed set, you began to finally feel worry in the pit of your stomach. Perhaps you were venturing too far from your comfort zone? Maybe you in over your head. What if he didn't like it?

Lucky you, oh how lucky.

He'd entered his office and you took a deep breath. He paused and eyed you up and down, waiting for some sort of explanation. No matter how sexy the others made it seem, when the words came from your mouth it would appear they fell as flat as your expression. "Come unwrap me." You were aware of how embarrassing it might come across as, but he'd shown how much he didn't care by the way his eyes were drawn to you. It didn't take long for his hands to reach you, gripping and grasping desperately at any inch of skin he could get his cold digits on. His lips never left your neck for the first half of the night. He was determined to leave it littered in reminders of who exactly you belonged to. Usually he'd be done kissing by now. Usually he'd already entered you and would press into you fervently as he chased his own high. Tonight he spent extra time doing just as you asked, and slowly removing the last bit of covering from your body. His hands were steady, gliding up and down your sides and pinching along your hips before making their way to your nipples to show you some extra attention for once. He'd discovered two things that night:

The first was that it would appear to him he missed out on a lot of nice positions he should've been trying in the first place. now he's got his head screwed on tight and he'd eager to see how many different ways he can have his beloved call out to him in desperation. The second thing was that he was wrong all along...

He loved surprises.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #overhaul #kai chisaki #smut?#minors dni #minor dni

31 notes · View notes

medium-bloodcrafter-scion · 11 months

Text

The Legendborn Cycle Theory Time!

So Tracy Deonn finally dropped us a delectable little breadcrumb for LB3 (6/6/23) via an Instagram post and I am now going to proceed to overanalyse the shit out of it because I cannot help myself.

So Ms Deonn is introducing a new magic system (exciting!) and she posted flowers 🌷🌷🌷🌷- fiery-looking tulips in the foreground. She also mentioned that the scene where Bree is introduced to this new system will involve some kind of emotional payoff. So, my theories:

Disclaimer: I just spitball when I make my theories, they are like 50% thinking and 50% intuition. In other words, I may or may not have a logical reason behind them, I'm just here to have fun.

1. Initially I thought it could be Morgaine magic, but Morgaines also use aether, just a different style of it, and I can't see the emotional ties there. May have to think more about it.

2. Fae magic was my second/related thought, but I cannot see the emotional link at this point. Also Fae haven't been (officially?) introduced in this series, though they are present in Arthuriana so it would make sense to have them.

3. Given how Sel mockingly suggests Bree's mom used magic to 'grow prettier flowers,' back in LB, I'm wondering whether this is a magic system that Faye created with Natasia (Sel's mommy). We've seen them blend magic together already for Bree's sake, so maybe out of love for their children and the realisation that they would be separated from them, they ended up devising something entirely new. Maybe the new magic is how Natasia was healed of demonia? We're definitely getting a Natasia story, where we'll probably learn more about Bree's mom via Nat's pov as she explains to Bree. Bree meeting her, learning more about Faye's secret life as a Rootcrafter/Bloodcrafter who befriended a Merlin will definitely be quite touching.

4. Back to a semi-theory /idea I made in a comment on someone's post... Could be possible we see the Shadowking follow through on his promise and drain Bree of his power, almost killing her in the process. Maybe more HC than theory, I can imagine Bree reconciling with Vera and all her mothers in the ancestral plane as she almost dies, and in the process learning from them that there is magic that is borne out of love, and not pain or bloodshed the way bloodcraft is. This 'higher' magic wouldn't come at the cost bargaining your life away or from theft.

Imagines the ancestral plane transformed into a field of tulips, Bree and her mothers all clothed in pretty white dresses... At very least I may turn this into a fic because 😭

5. Linking back to the previous point, tulips represent forgiveness and pure love, suggesting those elements could be at play in this new magic system. It hearkens back to Bree's ancestor - Jesse I think - who drew on her power by thinking about the love she had for her mom (? Can't remember specifics). Maybe she had the right idea, but wrong magic (bloodcrafted root).

6. There was an article where some of Tracy's favourite books were listed, and it was fun to refer to that list to find out where she may draw some of her inspiration. Of note was the Dark is Rising (DiR) sequence, a series of children's stories that is fantasy based in Arthurian legend. I skimmed through the Wiki for that series and noted lots of themes and ideas overlapping with Legendborn. Notably, the magic system of DiR features three types of magic - Old Magic, Wild Magic, and High Magic. Old Magic is elemental and reminds me of Aether as used by the Order in LBC (Sel explains how magic is physics and aether is an element), Wild Magic is drawn from nature and would be similar to Rootcraft in LBC, and then the third type in DiR is High Magic, - cosmic in origin, and more powerful than the other two. ALL THIS TO SAY I think the new system we'll be introduced to will be incredibly powerful, moreso than what we've seen, and possibly tied into higher principles like love, sacrificial love, forgiveness, truth, etc.

Anyways that's enough rambling for now. I'm actually most excited about seeing how Tracy uses the new system as part of Bree's healing journey. Honestly this series is just so impactful and I know that third book will make me cry (in a good way).

#legendborn cycle #legendborn #legendborn theories #Lb3 #tracy deonn #bree matthews #the legendborn cycle #bloodmarked

62 notes · View notes

notbecauseofvictories · 1 year

Note

I saw you mention Flowers in the Attic- did you read that, fresh, as an adult? I was given that book at twelve and reread it every so often, and I've always wondered what in the world someone would take away from it if they read it as a grown-up and it didn't burrow into their brains during puberty, so I'd be interested to hear your thoughts. It feels like the sort of book that's almost unreadable if you didn't get to it early

I did! I read it for the very first time about eight months ago, on a total whim---I think I saw the ebook was available through the library? And of course I knew it by reputation, so curiosity did the rest.

As an adult, I was actually very impressed by it as a novel. It's extremely readable, with a lurid, almost soap opera feel that leavens what might otherwise be out-and-out tragedy. It actually reminded me a lot of Michael McDowell's pulp horror novels, like The Elementals and Blackwater---all three play with the same gothic themes of generational sin and clannish infighting in the American South, though McDowell uses monsters to make his point.

I will say that I was unprepared for the sheer degree of neglect and abuse VC Andrews put on the page. Everyone talks about the incest, but there's so, so much gutting tragedy leading up to it that it felt like a natural response to the trauma these kids are asked to endure. (I was much more horrified by the shriveling, anhedonic twins than anything Chris and Cathy did.)

That being said...I can absolutely see how it would burrow into a young reader's head. The lurid soapiness, the forbidden thrill of it all, would be devastatingly effective for a reader who hasn't encountered it before. Gothic is and remains a fun genre, there’s a reason it’s branched off in a hundred different directions. But also---as an adult you spend the whole narrative conscious of how young these kids are, how grossly unfair and tragic it is that they are being asked to endure the cruelty around them. That awareness imbues the book with tragedy and robs it of some of its thrill.

As a younger reader, though, I can imagine their suffering takes on an almost heroic cast. I grew up on (and adored!) wilderness survival books, where a boy or girl survives in nature by dint of their courage and cleverness---same thing with books like Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E Frankweiler or the Boxcar Children, where the adults are removed from the picture and children rise to the challenge. Cathy and Chris do the same, even if their mountain/arctic tundra/uninhabited island is the attic and social roles they're forced into by their grandmother's cruelty and mother's selfish neglect.

I would have loved to read some scholarly articles about the role of incest in Flowers in the Attic specifically, and it was even namechecked in the afterword of one of the books I skimmed! But unfortunately it seems like the academy’s focus has been on the European Romantic/Gothic literature of the past---so I’ll have to wait for my essay on what incest in pulp novels, holiday commercials, and fantasy television, says about the modern American psyche.

#that being said the brother/sister incest chapter of ''gothic incest'' by jenny diplacidi is very good #from the bookshelf #tw incest

86 notes · View notes

hammerhead-jpg · 3 months

Text

Hey, anyone want a small redacted oc fic?? I'm putting it here anyway

I'm not gonna post it on AO3 fuck you

Oc might as well be a reader insert with how little I actually write about him but oh well

An excuse to write about my made up Adam backstory, creating oc to ship with and or explore the lore of a character is my specialty

CW: Adam, first perspective (I'm sorry), mentions of death, dubious consent blood drinking, implied self harm

The little round scars peppered around on my skin had gotten annoying.

My arms, my neck, my collarbones hell, my thighs all looked like paper after you'd hand it to a toddler with a hole puncher.

After some time they'd just gotten embarrassing and a constant reminder of just how pathetically I begged for him to bite any skin that was left untouched-

So fucking embarrassing

Every summer without fail someone would ask me what they were and every time without fail I would be reminded of the fall when a vampire slid in and out of my collage dorm room, the fall that felt like it was half a century ago, a distant memory I forget all about but that lurks in the back of my mind, leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

"What's that on your arms?"

Their boyfriend immediately bumped their shoulder. They usually would wait a bit more to ask outright but maybe it was our shared blood that made them think we were closer than strangers.

I ignore the question and scratch my arm.

"You guys are the Solaire clan right?"

"You know Adam? Adam Jessup? Or is he dead in a hole somewhere?"

I snicker at the image of him dead in a hole all pathetically. Something about it was comical.

My toothy smile turns bitter when all of the vampire's faces twist into expressions of horror.

I twiddled my thumbs.

Is that a yes?

"I can bring you to him if you'd like" all heads turn into their direction.

I knew from their expressions alone that if they really were to bring me to him he wouldn't be in the state respond to any questions that I might ask him.

Either way, I agree and follow them out.

Through the forest, the abandoned theme park, it was clear to me that they weren't bringing me to anyone that was alive.

I was expecting a grave or at least two wooden boards nailed in a shape of a cross, stabbed into loose dirt, but just his legs sticking out from a collapsed pile of wooden boards and a bony skull that you could almost miss if you weren't paying attention awakened the same emotions I expected from a tombstone.

It wasn't happiness, in a way I was glad he was dead but not particularly happy.

I could just describe it as pathetic gloom.

Everything about this was pathetic.

The way so many confusing memories ended up dead, decapitated and under a broken down rollercoaster under a pile of debris was pathetic.

How I just forgot about them like they didn't matter was pathetic.

How I kept letting him in my dorm room through my window was pathetic.

How I let him scar every inch of my skin because I was sad and bored was pathetic.

When I moved into the room I could just tell he was pathetic.

He stayed in the dorm all day and night, never talked to anyone and brought a fucking handgun everywhere he went, it was fucking pathetic.

And I didn't care for him, and he didn't care for me either.

Our beds laid parallel to each other in the same room yet we pretended like the other didn't exist.

So I didn't bat much of an eye when he left for class and didn't return.

He left all of his stuff there except for his wallet, phone, maybe a few articles of clothing but I wouldn't know either way.

But I knew something was wrong when that pathetic gun was left behind as well.

I didn't react much when they told me he died.

How he was driving and hit a lamp post on a secluded road and made his car burst into flames.

The fire was so hot and went on for so long it cremated everything inside, there was not a single splinter of bone left behind. Just ash.

I got invited to his funeral, but just like any other funeral I've been to I didn't feel anything of significance. I just stood there wondering what the purpose of such a grand casket was when there was barely a pinch of ash to put in it.

I didn't like the guy, so I wasn't sad. The times he would talk he would complain and he never kept his trash on his side of the room like I requested.

I didn't bother getting rid of his stuff.

His parents came by to pick it up, but with how little of a personality he had there wasn't much of anything to take back, the guy didn't have anything of significance, just clothes and textbooks, so they left mostly empty-handed.

All of his trash and dirty clothes still laid around his bed and his textbooks were still on his desk.

In a way it seemed like he never left in the first place.

And maybe it was because he didn't.

One fateful night I awoke to the sound of the window in the room slamming open and what sounded like someone getting in.

I shuffled around the bed, panicked and wonderering if I had enough time to go grab the broken off wooden plank from my bed that laid on the floor beside it that I told myself I would use in the case of a break in.

I got the courage to sit up and open my eyes.

And there he was, staring back at me.

But he was different.

His eyes that looked at me reflected in the darkness like one of a woodland cryptid.

There was something in the air around him.

I thought about how my room was on the third story of the building.

It wasn't human.

He just turned to rummage around on his desk like I wasn't there.

"Can you close the window ?" I mumbled.

He turned to look at me. I wish he hadn't.

That hundred yard stare paired with those reflective silver eyes ran chills through my body.

"Yeah." He said before turning back to his desk.

I blinked as Adam pulled out what seemed like an id before heading for the window again.

"Wait!" I spat out without thinking.

He stopped in his tracks and turned to me.

"What are you?"

Without a word he walked small, slow steps towards me.

As he stepped into the moonlight, the terrifying reflective eyes turned to a stunning glowing silver.

He suddenly felt a lot less pathetic.

"What do you think I am?"

A sly, toothy grin appeared on his face.

I froze.

I was usually a flight type of guy but.

"Want a hint?"

He stood at the foot of my bed and with one finger pulled back his cheek, showing off teeth that were crooked in a way that made them sharp when-

In an instant, like a flick of a pocket knife, his canine became sharp as a dagger.

It made me flinch.

He laughed at my reaction and licked the back of his teeth.

He took one step closer.

"What about this?"

Suddenly, it felt like I snapped into place, my body oscillating like a wire that's been strummed.

I was frozen before but now my muscles were as hard as stone. It was how I imagine it is when you're struck by electricity and all your muscles clench and tense up.

He took another step that felt pointless.

My head was screaming at me to move, even if it was just a little wobble, anything, but I just couldn't.

He reached out his hand to me and picked my arm up.

Even though I felt like a statue he moved it like it was weightless.

He smelled the air around him and smiled.

"You smell decative."

"You wouldn't mind if I were to..."

He brought my wrist up to his mouth and.

"Take a bite?"

Pain.

It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts

Fangs seeped deep into my flesh.

Every cell in my body screamed at me to run. To do something, anything.

But suddenly, the initial shock of the pain wore off, got replaced with a familiar burn, suddenly everything was fine again.

He ripped his fangs out of my wrist and sighed.

"God that's good." His voice shook.

He looked down at my wrist and trailed a finger down, feeling the texture of my scars.

He gave a look that you could almost confuse for a look of pity.

He seemed lost in though for a second, then stared at me as if expecting something to happen.

Within a blink, my body was no longer frozen.

But I didn't kick and run.

My shoulders just dropped and I swallowed the breath I was holding in.

Adam smiled and laughed to himself.

He quickly licked the wound shut, my muscles tensed up and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, but I didn't pull away.

Actually, it felt like I sunk into the mattress, put my weight into his hand like I would slide off the bed if he were to let go.

Actually, when he did let go, I stumbled forwards and caught myself with my hand, pressing deep into the mattress.

He slowly stepped backwards until he reached the window.

"See you later." He smiled.

And just as fast as he came, he was gone.

As if he was never there.

I laid back down onto my bed.

My wrist besides me, open and bleeding.

The moonlight from the new moon shining through the window.

Just when I thought I had left it behind.

I was back to this same old scene.

#for the record I vaguely remember coming across a fic on ao3 about Adam x Lovely's twin #just to clarify that that wasn't on my mind at all when I came up with this oc #idk if I even want them to be Lovely's twin or just their brother but whatever #i could continue this a bit more if people ask for it but I know nobody will because this post will FLOP #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted fic #redacted fanfic #redacted adam #redacted oc

7 notes · View notes

f0point5 · 14 days

Note

https://www.thecut.com/article/age-gap-relationships-marriage-younger-women-older-man.html

have you read this article? tbh i think 10 years is not a crazy age gap, but i'm curious as to what you think about the sentiment behind it

I have read it. I think there’s some truth and some very flowery exaggerations that very much give “literature major”.

I don’t know this woman or her husband but the overarching theme of her gratitude that seems to jump off the page reminds me of “trad wife” tiktok. This idea that she is lucky that this man has plucked her from obscurity and given her the gift of time and security belies either insecurity on her part or her trying to sell the idea to women that to ensnare an older man and not have to worry about working is there greatest thing to ever happen to you. Which is, in some ways, true, I think. If it’s the life you want then to get it is an achievement, but it’s earned and it’s not without its sacrifices and its barriers.

She talks about his mentorship and his material support and how he “introduced her to herself” (did he really? Or did he just create her? I could go ON for hours about this but I won’t bore you) but never mentions what she’s provided for him. And if even she can’t acknowledge her own worth in the relationship, that’s terribly sad. I don’t detect a whole lot of intrinsic self worth in her writing. Just that she enjoys the life that she feels has been gifted to her by her benevolent saviour, and this underlying crippling fear that she may never be more than what he made of her.

Could never be me.

I don’t think age gaps are inherently a problem. There’s women who’ve been responsible for themselves since age 15 and by 21 know more about who they are than some women at 40. I just think it depends on how developed you are as a person. By and large women of 22 don’t know themselves well enough to be on equal footing with a man of 50 but it’s not always the case. And not all men take advantage of the naivety. So it’s just case by case.

As for own age dating…again it’s case by case by I do sort of agree with her that there is very rarely a point in getting involved in raising these men who are in their 20s. It’s a bit like trying to learn to ride a bike while holding onto someone else who doesn’t know how to ride a bike for stability. And also largely pointless if you’re ever planning to be that “Pilates wife”. Purely because, you start as you mean to go on. If you spend your 20s taking care of a guy, you will always be his nurturer in his mind, he’s not just going to suddenly switch up and decide to take the reins. All that laziness, partying, and general disrespect you dealt with from that frat boy? Still going to be there when he’s 40 because he will already know just how much you’ll put up with. There’s exceptions to every rule but…

But this is just my take, I will be never that “let’s build an empire together” girl, because no man I’m going to date needs my help to build shit 😂 you better have done your struggling by the time you look in my direction.

This was a ramble lol hope you don’t mind but I remember how much that article and the discourse around it really irked me and this brought it all back up.

#not f1

3 notes · View notes

dumbledore-and-grindelwald · 2 years

Text

Dumbledore and Grindelwald: Death is but the next great adventure.

I read several years back an article from tor.com comparing Albus’ backstory to Peter Pan. In the analogy the article makes, Albus is Wendy and Gellert is Peter.

…and there on the window ledge sat perched, like a giant bird, a young man with golden hair. In the split second that the lantern’s light illuminated him, Harry saw the delight upon his handsome face, then the intruder shot a Stunning Spell from his wand and jumped neatly backward out of the window with a crow of laughter.

A very glaring parallel is that when Gellert steals the Elder Wand he leaves ‘ with a crow of laughter’. In Peter Pan it is very specifically mentioned that Peter ‘crows like a rooster’. And of course in this scene Gellert is at the window and jumps out of it, similarly to the picture we have of Peter flying into the night, back to Neverland.

Of course in this analogy Gellert/Peter, sweeps Albus/Wendy off her feet. He is dangerous in some ways but he also sees in Albus attributes that he values, loves and desires, but he cannot process them normally. He wants to take Albus (and Ariana) away from the family, similarly to how the Darling siblings left their home.

Wendy desired freedom and the lack of responsibility. She desired to not grow up yet. She stepped into a play-acting version of motherhood and she had feelings for Peter, but she was not ready to consider courtship or marriage and becoming a ‘lady’. On this side, Albus was not ready to be constrained either. He wanted to be free. He wanted to pursue dreams, to have adventures. He did not want to become a ‘mother’; a carer to his siblings. He was afraid of the responsibility and of being forced in a life that he was not in control of and which he couldn’t shape according to his wishes.

Gellert was in a sense his Peter: The person that allowed him to dream, to fly, to have everything that he wanted. But of course, Albus has to come home. He has to grow up.

Both stories involve questions about the varying levels of authenticity and agency that children are allowed. For example, such themes are furthered with Aberforth’s own storyline: A child who CHOSE to be an ‘adult’ before his time and whose mother died during one of the few times that he was away, having a tiny claim at normalcy and freedom.

While this is a great starting step to think about the connection of Peter Pan to Albus’ story, I think there is much more to it.

_______________________________________

The tragic end of the summer of 1899 is not just a different version of Peter Pan’s ending. It reminds me of something that has been teased within the book itself:

'Quick, Tink,' he whispered, 'close the window; bar it. That's right. Now you and I must get away by the door; and when Wendy comes she will think her mother has barred her out; and she will have to go back with me.

[...]

'You will never see Wendy again, lady, for the window is barred.'He peeped in again to see why the music had stopped; and now he saw that Mrs. Darling had laid her head on the box, and that two tears were sitting on her eyes.'She wants me to unbar the window,' thought Peter, 'but I won't, not I.'He peeped again, and the tears were still there, or another two had taken their place.'She's awfully fond of Wendy,' he said to himself. He was angry with her now for not seeing why she could not have Wendy.

Peter wanted to keep Wendy for himself and he wished to keep her from going back, even if it was against her wishes. He ultimately does what’s right by her. Peter is a complex character and he does not always understand human emotion. He cannot respond to it with maturity, but he ultimately lets Wendy go.

Gellert does not do that. He is not willing to let Albus go. Interestingly, Aberforth is the ‘mother’. He is the carer, he is the voice of reason and the figure that calls Albus back to adulthood and to sanity. Instead of letting Albus go back, Gellert tries to create a barrier between the brothers in the worst way possible: he attacks. While everyone was responsible for Ariana’s death in a way, it’s this attack that makes them all lose control; this intention to harm. Unlike Peter, who steps back, Gellert could not allow anyone else to have Albus. He only leaves when he thinks that he has done something that would make Albus not want to be with him regardless even if he did not have obligations towards his family.

Chances are that Aberforth’s words would have taken root, but we have no chance of finding out. Albus’ is forced back to the real world before he has the time to make a last decision. Even worse, Gellert has barred the windows: He has created a situation that traumatized Aberforth to an extent that he can never fully forgive Albus. While the brothers ARE close in many ways throughout their lives, Gellert made their relationship worse, but instead of still providing Albus with an escape he left him to deal with the consequences.

HP and Fantastic Beasts take the themes a step further. Wendy makes her last stand and clings to childhood, but she can come back to her life. Albus’ actions feel more real. His choices have real-life repercussions that haunt him throughout his life.

____________________________________________________________

In Peter Pan, Barrie plays around with moral binaries and with the conception of hero and antagonist. Hook is the antagonist but he has some admirable attributes. On the other hand, Peter, who is supposed to be our hero can be rutheless and cruel. The lines are blurred.

There is a very specific scene towards the end of ‘Peter and Wendy’ that establishes it beautifully:

Some of them wanted it to be an honest ship and others were in favour of keeping it a pirate; but the captain treated them as dogs, and they dared not express their wishes to him even in a round robin. Instant obedience was the only safe thing. Slightly got a dozen for looking perplexed when told to take soundings. The general feeling was that Peter was honest just now to lull Wendy's suspicions, but that there might be a change when the new suit was ready, which, against her will, she was making for him out of some of Hook's wickedest garments. It was afterwards whispered among them that on the first night he wore this suit he sat long in the cabin with Hook's cigar-holder in his mouth and one hand clenched, all but the forefinger, which he bent and held threateningly aloft like a hook.

In a way Peter takes James’ place, but he also adapts to aspects of his personality. I will argue that while Albus never falls into Gellert’s morality, in terms of the Peter Pan parallel Gellert shifts from the role of Peter to that of Hook and Albus from the role of Wendy to that of Peter.

Albus himself becomes a sort of Peter Pan figure. He aged but he lives longer than normal. He creates a school that becomes children’s Neverland. It’s an escape, it’s a place of learning, of wonder, of adventure and of danger. He cares about his children, but he is not beyond using them to fight the war that is being forced upon their world. Despite being an adult, he lives in a different way than most adults do. He still clings to his scholarly fascination, he does not find a partner or make a family of his own. He is a character that he considered a hero by some and a villain by others. Some of his actions are seen as cold and cynical. Albus wears bright clothes and colours that might be expected from someone younger than his age and he has an easy manner that is playful, and sometimes even seems to have a childlike quality.

There is also a specific quote that is a direct nod to Peter Pan:

Albus: 'To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”

Peter: “To die would be an awfully big adventure.”

Another interesting parallels is that Albus has ‘collected’ his own lost boys and given them a home in different ways:

But he was home. Hogwards was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here.

I would also like to point out how there are several readings of Peter guiding the souls of dead boys and Dumbledore’s character has been interpreted to be connected to ‘death’ (even though I personally disagree with those theories).

The two characters are very different, but they have thematic ties. While Albus starts as Wendy, he shifts to the role of Peter. Similarly to how Peter himself shifts to the role of Hook.

____________________________________________________________

On the other hand, there are certain parallels between Gellert and Hook. Gellert does not try to not have responsibility. He has lost his innocence and his naiveté early. He is very conscious of every decision he’s making. Peter expects that he’ll be beyond time. Hook doesn’t. Time is chasing him and he knows it’ll catch up to him. What he wants is to die without shame. Hook is disgraced and wants to die having lived up to his potential.

In ‘Captain Hook at Eton’, we learn that Hook was part of an elite group, the members of which were chosen on account of their mental equipment”. Despite the fact that Hook is shown to be smart and ruthless, it was suspected that he manipulated his election in the society. Moreover Barrie establishes a connection between James and an aunt Emily.. In fact there is a contrast between the aunt seeing him as polite and honorable, as opposed to other people thinking of him. I am particularly interested in this description of Hook’s character:

This shows that he was not without admirers. His piety, say his detractors, was merely that he prayed unctuously not to be found out in certain nefarious transactions. The boy, in short, was “temperamental.”

There seen ti be certain similarities between Hook and Gellert’s temperament, as opposed to the way they were viewed by their aunts. Moreover, there is a scene during which Hook, being back from Neverland, sits on a wall at Eton, but when asked he denies being part of it. On the one hand Hook feels above the crowd of Eton and on the other he feels that he is disgraced. On the one hand this reminds me of Gellert trying overstepping the limits that Durmstrang bestowed upon him and being superior to the magic he was taught but being thrown out of the establishment. In the scene of Hook that I’m referring to, there is this beautiful part:

It was mournfully obvious that he was gazing with peeled eyes though the darkness of his present to the innocence of his past, from the monster he had become on the Spanish Main to the person he had been at Eton, and the effect was heightened by the unclean tears that crawled down his face.

Nevertheless, despite any regrets or wish for redemption, Hook does continues down the same path until the time of his death. Even at the very end, he tries to bring Peter down to his level (’bad form’) instead of trying more actively to better himself.

In fact Peter encompasses all the good and the bad things Hook hates about himself: He is his ruthless side and his lost innocence. And yet these are the things that he has embraced in his life. But he cannot look at them; he cannot look at Peter and he wants to destroy him. Similarly, Albus is Gellert’s Peter. He is what Gellert wants to have. He is what Gellert needs to feel that his life is fulfilled; the only way for his feeling of hollowness to disappear, but when he can’t have him to cover that hollowness, he seeks to destroy him by setting Credence after him.

Again, HP takes a different approach on the characters’ predicaments. Gellert redeems himself (which happens because the relationship between Gellert and Albus is a real one, of love and kinship, and does not primarily have a psychoanalitic basis like the one in Peter Pan) and Albus confronts death and the mistakes of his past.

Nevertheless the two stories are fascinating to consider side by side. I wouldn’t say that this is a case of adaptation. But Peter Pan is a classic and I think it has influenced some ways the ideas and questions about life, death, morality etc. that were going through Rowling’s head while writing the story.

#fantastic beasts #Harry Potter #Albus Dumbledore #gellert grindelwald #grindeldore #peter pan #hp meta #fantastic beasts meta #grindeldore meta

91 notes · View notes

moonchild-in-blue · 2 months

Note

darya 👀👀👀👀 you maybe happen to have more women x death imagery like the one by Appolonia Saintclair? i can kneel and bow and do chores and i can cook decently if you care and i can kiss your knuckles tenderly btw … whatever it takes

Sophi honey, I am so sorry about the upcoming infodumping...... This is probably not quite what you asked at all, but alas. The art graduate jumped out. I don't have many sexy naked ladies riding Death for you, so here's a very brief overlook of Death and The Maiden depictions in art instead?

(i accept the cooking and kisses and return them tenfold)

For those who are wondering, this is referring to this beautiful piece by @apolloniasaintclairofficial, tasteful drawing of a naked woman sitting on Death's lap, while he holds a dagger. Beautiful and erotic.

I mentioned in the tags how much I loved seeing depictions of Death and women in art. Now, in art history, this is a recurring motif dubbed Death and The Maiden, often with erotic and sacrilegious undertones, and particularly prevalent amongst German artists. I did a quick google research on the origins of it, and according to the internet, was a common theme since the Middle ages, originating from the Danse Macabre allegories, with a significant revival in the Romantic Period. (wikipage here)

The allegorical motif of ‘Death and the Maiden’ (a young girl, often in a passionate embrace with a skeletal figure) had been popular with German artists and musicians since the Middle Ages, and its reminder of transience and mortality was especially appropriate during this period of foreboding (referring to WWI). [taken from the Tate's entry about Meidner's Death and the Maiden]

Here are some very interesting articles about Death and The Maiden throughout history - Paintings for our time: Death and the Maiden and Death and the Maiden. From Schubert to Schiele. I read them both while researching this, super informative without being overtly verbose. Great selection of art pieces.

Death and the woman, by E. Munch

I'm very fond of this drawing by Munch (huge fan of his lol). Every time I see Death and Women embracing each other so tenderly, my heart breaks for a second. There's just something that is equal parts sensual and tender, something that transcends the inherent sexual appeal of erotic art, something poetic and poignant. Oof.

Here are some selected pieces by K. Kollwitz - X X, and this beautiful piece by E. Schiele (a student of Klimt, you can see the similarities in style).

Also, the revival during the Romantic period was in great part due to Schubert's Der Tod und das Mädchen (Death and the maiden), a lied he wrote based on this beautiful poem by Matthias Claudius, which would later be used in his piece String Quartet No. 14, also known and Death and the maiden. The poem:

The Maiden: Pass me by! Oh, pass me by! Go, fierce man of bones! I am still young! Go, dear, And do not touch me. And do not touch me. Death: Give me your hand, you beautiful and tender form! I am a friend, and come not to punish. Be of good cheer! I am not fierce, Softly shall you sleep in my arms!

Also! I found this super interesting book (it's a free english pdf) called Erotism - Death and Sensuality (og. L'Erotisme) by Georges Bataille, which explores in depth the relationship between erotica, death, taboo, sacrifice, Christianity, and many other themes. I haven't read it but this does look incredibly interesting so. I know what I'll be reading next.

I could go on and on and on about WHY I am so fascinated by these themes, but that would result in yet another big-ass post, and I think this is enough info for one day lol.

(before I forget, I just want to point out that this directly overlaps with depictions of Hades and Persephone, seeing as Hades was often times associated with Death itself - even though Thanatos is the one who embodies the Reaper figure in the Greek myths. So I'm sure you'll find some other tasteful pieces if you go down that route).

#I AM SORRY ABOUT THE UNWANTED LECTURE #if someone asks me art questions i just can't help myself #also. mind you this was a very brief research so there's probably so much i am missing. i apologise for any incongruencies lol #i hope this satisfies your question! super recommend skimming through the articles #darya answers #darya is unhinged #art

6 notes · View notes

gentlebeardsbarngrill · 1 month

Text

03/25/24 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Rhys Darby; Buttons; Cryptid Factor; Cameo; Kudoboard; Articles; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonights Taika

== Rhys Darby ==

Rhys is out and about in Aotearoa!

== New Cryptid Factor ==

EP 90 The Slit Slot Issue on Patreon!

== Convention News ==

Basingstoke Comic Con has announced Rhys will be joining the convention at the Hampshire Court Hotel on 10th-12th May 2024! Want tickets? Check out Basingstokecomiccon.com

== Buttons! ==

Speaking of The Cryptid Factor, did you know Buttons is on Cameo? Fancy a chat?

== Cameo ==

Annnnnd Speaking of Cameos, our besties over at Cameo are keeping up the good fight.

== New Event Calendar ==

Sunday March 31st is Trans Day of Visibility! In celebration we're boosting trans/nonbinary creators, activists, cast/crew members, and allies with the hashtag. We only hang out with #CoolPirates !

== Kudoboards Reminder! =

Thank you to @sharpenyersword on Twitter for setting up ALL THE KUDOBOARDS! The rest of the Kudoboard's will close on the 31st.

Go send the cast and crew some love folks!

David Jenkins

Nathan Foad

Con O'Neill

Ruibo Qian

Leslie F*cking Jones!

Matthew Maher

Vico Ortiz

Samson Kayo

Alex "Ass Tonight" Sherman!

David Fane

Gypsy Taylor

Kristian "Wee John Wondays" Nairn!

Samba "BTS and Baking King" Schutte!

Fellow OFMD Fan Crew!

== Articles ==

Warner Bros. Discovery (NASDAQ:WBD) shareholders have endured a 80% loss from investing in the stock three years ago

== Love Notes ==

Today was a rough one lovelies. I've heard quite a lot of folks mention how hard it was. I know I'm not perfect, and I don't mean to act like I am. I'm flawed, you're flawed, everyone is flawed. It's how we grow and learn from each other that matters. I try to help, and I may not always make the best decisions first, but I am trying to learn for next time. I know you all are too. I hope you give yourself, and other people give you some grace while you learn and grow. You are not one decision you make. You are a hug conglomeration of everything you've learned and you're doing so well. Even on hard days when it feels you're not.

The best thing that helped me get through today was all of you and laughing my ass off with some dear crewmates late into the evening. That meant the world to me. So please, every one of you, go laugh if you can. Find a friend, find a tv show, write yourself a silly joke. Laughing can help you brave the strongest storms.

Sending love crew, I know it's been a tough one. I believe in you, get some rest and hit the ground running tomorrow <3

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Tonight's theme. Blondes! Darby Gif by @warminthewintersblog Taika GIF by @lizzy__Leo on Twitter

#our flag means death #ofmd #rhys darby #taika waititi #save ofmd #daily ofmd recaps #daily ofmd recap #ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #adopt our crew #long live ofmd #leon kirkbeck #the cryptid factor #cameo

58 notes · View notes

shoppncarticles · 1 year

Text

BONUS: Gen 2 Beta

Game development is anything but a streamlined process, and it’s rare for a game to be created without a few hiccups in development, and seeing quite a few features and pieces of its design getting tossed during the process. This is probably fairly obvious to anyone who’s played a game, let alone anyone who’s created anything, but I need these articles to start somewhere y’know.

One particular case of this is the development of Pokemon Gold (and Silver), the sequels to the original Pokemon Red and Blue games. Following such a massive success, Game Freak had quite the task ahead of them, and part of that involved making a whole new set of Pokemon. Now, they did have some designs lying around already, but they still needed to recapture the magic of the first Gen with even more wacky Pokemon creatures. We all know that they succeeded and ended up releasing a second pair of games with 100 new creatures, obviously, but what about the ones that were lost along the way?

Thankfully, a few years back, the playable demo of Pokemon Gold from SpaceWorld 1997 (a gaming convention that preceded E3) leaked online, and all the implemented Pokemon of that build were revealed to the public. A fair number of the final Johto designs did show up among the roster... but an even larger amount were designs which fans had never seen before. Since there’s such a plethora of these unseen designs, and this demo is the most documented of any of Pokemon’s found betas, I decided to dedicate some time to talking about some of these missing critters. I won’t be covering every single lost ‘mon, but there are still plenty I think are worth mentioning.

Lost Evolutions

First up are some evolutions (or pre-evolutions in the hatchlings’ case) of some Pokemon that I’ve already talked about, and then some. As a reminder, the evolutions are for Farfetch’d, Pinsir, and Tangela on the top row, with the nest of chicks on the bottom being a baby form for Doduo. Interestingly, the beta Pokedex also has what appears to be a Grass-type evolution for Eevee, and a new evolution for Lickitung, preceding Lickilicky in Gen 4. I find this pretty noteworthy since it reinforces that Game Freak isn’t completely opposed to revisiting their older ideas when designing for new generations, or at least they weren’t during Gen 4′s development.

Anyways, in terms of the first four designs here, you can check out what I said in their respective family articles. In summary, though, I find them all to be pretty interesting additions to their previous members’ designs, and usually taking things in a different, though unique direction. The baby Doduo is a bit odd, though, since not only does it have three heads as opposed to Doduo’s two, but Doduo also has pretty poor stats itself and doesn’t really warrant having a baby form.

The beta Leafeon and Lickilicky though, if you want to call them that, are quite strange given their belated entry to the series. Leafeon here looks a bit more inspired than what we ended up getting, since while parts of its body extend into leaves like the final design, its legs and feet are more gnarled and uneven, like tree roots rather than mammalian legs. This is a lot more creative to me, and helps strengthen its plant theming just a little bit. I’ve seen other people interpret the pattern on its body as being like the texturing of a tree or leaf too, which is a good touch.

Lickilicky, though, is pretty distant from the final design we got, and to me it feels like the designers were aware how much it likely would’ve clashed against Pokemon’s style and trimmed the thing down to fit better. Lickilicky’s turban-like shape on its head, mustache, and multiple rings around its body make it feel like some heavily stylized Japanese caricature, like something you’d see in the original Starfy games. In that respect, I think it’s a pretty charmingly goofy design, and I suppose works well to play up Lickitung’s sillier elements, but I do agree that it doesn’t really mesh with the rest of Pokemon’s style.

WIP Johto ‘Mons

Here’s a collection of beta designs for Johto ‘mons we did get that I already covered in their respective articles. Admittedly, the designs for beta Ariados and Mantine come from later demo builds rather than the SpaceWorld ‘97 one, evident by their more colorful sprites, but I still wanted to mention them again anyways. These designs are all pretty rad, and while I do like what we ended up getting for most of them, I still miss what we could’ve got too. Especially Ariados.

You can’t beat how silly straight-up-gun Remoraid is, too.

Beta Noctowl I also covered before but forgot to include in the set of six above. Oh well. You can’t make a clean set of rows for seven anyways.

Hanēi (Haneei)

Believe it or not, Haneei here was the very first implementation of Mantine in the game, or at least that’s what fans have decided on. It looks so different by comparison though, appearing as a much more feathery, angelic creature rather than the manta ray it ended up becoming. It’s still a Water/Flying type however, which is likely what makes people think it’s a Mantine progenitor.

What’s really special about Haneei though is that it has a completely dark false face on its backside. This too kind of strengthens its connections to Mantine, since its baby evolution Mantyke has a smiley face on its backside in a similar fashion to this. Haneei though seems to embody a sort of yin-yang dichotomy thing here, with its underbelly being all pure and fluffy while its backside is dark and ominous. That’s a really cool effect, and I’m surprised it’s been a relatively untapped idea given how popular intimidating eyespots are in the animal kingdom. Masquerain kind of takes up that mantle, off the top of my head.

Shibirefugu

Would you look at that! As it turns out, Qwilfish was originally supposed to get an evolution, in this much dopey and nubbier pufferfish. Despite the lightning bolt mark on its head, Shibirefugu and Qwilfish itself in this beta remain as pure Water types. I really have to wonder why it ended up getting cut, though. Could Game Freak not decide on a way to fix up its design any further? Did they decide that they needed to add a clean 100 new Pokemon, and Shibirefugu was just unlucky enough to be on the chopping block? Why keep Qwilfish and not its evolution?? Truly a mystery for the ages.

The Manbō1 Family

A whole line of cut designs, the Manbō1 family (it is really called that) is a bit all over the place, but has the consistent theme of being fish, I guess. Manbo, the first form, seems to be some stylized for of an angelfish given its shape. It also resembles a line of beta designs for sunfish Pokemon from Gen 1, so perhaps this was Game Freak trying to reuse leftover designs they had laying around. It’s not bad as far as Pokemon fish go, but it is a bit silly just seeing this angelfish with anime eyes among the roster.

Ikari, the first evolution, is extremely interesting, and another great loss in my book. It seems completely unrelated to Manbo before it though, which is likely part of the reason it was ultimately cut. This Water/Steel type is, for whatever reason, the head of a shark chained to an anchor. I don’t know exactly where the idea of this thing came from, but if you know anything about me you’d know that I would’ve LOVED to use this thing if given the chance. The shark head looks perfectly scummy and gnarly, and the chipped dorsal fin it has is a great touch to its design. Alas, the closest we have in Pokemon is Sharpedo, which keeps the sort of shark head idea, but sadly drops the anchor.

The final evolution though is Gurotesu. It seems like a combination of an anglerfish with its little lure and a gulper eel with its body shape and large jaw. It too is a Water/Steel type, though the Steel part seems kind of removed from its design. Given its resemblance to abyssal predators, people have speculated that the Manbō1 family were the precursors to Chinchou. That’s not an impossibility, since nothing else resembling Chinchou is in the SpaceWorld demo. Gurotesu makes a much better evolution than Lanturn in my mind, since it plays up the goofiness of deep sea fish much better than its final design does. Its overall design would be revisited in Huntail in Gen 3, kind of, but no dopey big-chinned eel like this has ever been seen in Pokemon again, sadly. We’ve got a crucially untapped market here, Game Freak!

Animon

Ditto, surprisingly, was slated to get an evolution too. Why, I couldn’t tell you, because I don’t know what Ditto would apparently be doing once it evolved since it’s supposed to only do one thing.

That thing could very well be screaming, since Animon here is just. Screaming at all times, I guess. Since Ditto is so simplistic in terms of both visual and mechanical design, it’s hard to say what Animon could’ve done, besides maybe the fact that it evolved with used of a Metal Powder item - the precursor to the Metal Coat. While Animon remains a pure Normal type, maybe it could’ve incorporated Steel into its attacks or transformation process?

The Rinrin Family

These two have no clear parallel in the final game, being a pair of Dark-type cats themed around little bells. Why they decided to drop these ones is beyond me, since they seem pretty interesting and make a nice addition to the new Dark type. A malicious little black cat would’ve also done well for the type. They’d likely be easily accessible early or mid game options too, something Johto is severely lacking.

Unfortunately they do also kind of suffer from another problem rampant in Gen 2′s design. The first form, Rinrin, is a cute and nicely put together little cat ‘mon, with a bell-ended tail and collar, with more little bells or baubles around its ears. It’s sufficiently cute, and I could see it being a marketable mascot for the Dark type if it made it in. The evolution, Berurun, is kind of flat and uninteresting by comparison. It plays things a lot more simply, which I suppose works well enough for a sleek, evil little cat design. The contrast between the two isn’t as bad as Meowth and Persian, nor Hoothoot and Noctowl, so they’ve got that at least. It’s not really bad by any significant means, though, since it at least has a proper theme going on that it keeps from the pre-evolution unlike Persian and Noctowl.

Tsubomitto

Would you look at that, old Bellsprout was supposed to get a new evolution too! It makes sense, since Oddish and Bellsprout were originally meant to be version-exclusive counterparts, but Oddish went and got a new evolution in Gen 2 where Bellsprout did not. Y’know, even though Bellsprout got a whole tower temple dedicated to it in Johto too. Speaking of Bellossom, it was originally going to be Grass/Poison too, but the second type was dropped for whatever reason.

Anyways, Tsubomitto here also remains a Grass/Poison type, and is the result of exposing a Weepinbell to a new Sun Stone rather than a Leaf Stone. Unlike Bellossom, it actually still resembles Weepinbell, and most importantly Bellsprout quite a bit, returning to its bipedal plant route rather than sticking to just being a pitcher plant. Nothing else is really known about it besides that, though. I won’t lie... the design isn’t exactly the best. I mean, it’s great in that it returns to Bellsprout’s classic roots, but what else is it supposed to be exactly? Is it like, a Bellsprout that became a tree and is still hanging a pitcher plant from its branches? I think Tsubomitto could’ve used some work still, but axing the whole thing seems a bit mean.

Bomushika

Surprisingly a Fire/Water type, this seal would apparently juggle balls of molten rock on its snout before launching them at opposing Pokemon. The concept of a magma-dwelling seal that does that sort of thing is certainly quite interesting, but the rest of Bomushika’s design is rather flat and simple as a tradeoff. How come all the seals in Pokemon so far have to be so simplistic in design and color? The whole back-turned thing is cool though, and predates the inclusion of Turtonator by about 19 years or so, who also has that stance as a main gimmick. Good for you and your unique little traits, Bomushika.

The Kotora Family

Aww, talk about another big loss. These little Electric types also lack a clear parallel in the final game, since they exist alongside the Mareep family as simplistic mammalian Electric types in the demo. Thunder-powered tigers are a nifty little idea, given the cat’s iconic striped pattern, but making them be cute little balls of cartoony goofiness is something I wasn’t exactly expecting, but do welcome with open arms. Just look at how SILLY Kotora looks sitting their with its big smile. Adorable.

The two members of this family even have jagged lightning bolt-shaped tails, as if mimicking Pikachu’s style. I wonder if they were meant to sort of take Pikachu’s role in Johto, especially since the evolution is similarly named Raitora. Raitora isn’t nearly as dynamic of a change in evolution as Raichu was, though. The only major difference is its change in size and apparent new fangs.

Alas, though, Kotora and Raitora were dropped during development and nothing too similar has seen the light of day in the series since. A real shame, since a little staticky ball of a tiger would be a wonderful addition in my opinion.

The Norowara Family

An even GREATER loss, though, is that of Norowara and Kyonpan, two Ghost types in a Generation which sorely missed their additions. Norowara appears to be a little straw doll with a huge pin permanently stuck through it, clearly representing Pokemon’s version of a cursed voodoo doll. With the addition of the move Curse in Gen 2, I assume it was initially given to this pair as their signature move. Norowara also makes me a bit confused and bitter since it shows Game Freak were willing at one point to give their voodoo doll ‘mons big pins to carry around, and yet Banette has NOTHING. What GIVES, you guys.

For some reason, though, when Norowara evolves into Kyonpan, it goes from a voodoo doll to a... jiang-shi panda? Jiang-shi, for those unaware, are Chinese vampires struck by rigor mortis, unable to lower their arms which always stick out in front of them, and are usually hindered with a paper talisman stuck to their bodies. Kyonpan even has a little Chinese hat too to make the look even more apparent. It feels almost on the level of parody, really. I can definitely see why Kyonpan was dropped, it feels like the beta design for Lickilicky in that it’s more like a cartoon caricature rather than a Pocket Monster design.

The Urufuman (Wolfman) Family

Oh come ON. It’s not even FAIR at this point. Urufuman and Wāurufu, or Wolfman and Warwolf respectively, are believed to be distant precursors to Swinub and Piloswine, as they’re a two-stage family of Ice types. They lack a secondary typing though, and share nothing in common visually with the shaggy pigs. I do enjoy Swinub and Piloswine and all, but these two little freaks are simply divine. The pair are meant to be arctic-dwelling hunters wearing the shaggy skinned coats of beasts they’ve killed to both keep warm and camouflage. I suppose maybe in there lies the problem with this family, that Game Freak didn’t want to have little Pocket Monsters who were wearing the skinned pelts of other animals, but I don’t really see any harm in it.

There’s just something so charming about Wolfman, being a shaggy little ball of beastliness with the ever classic and appealing eyes-in-a-void type of design. Warwolf ain’t too bad either, since while it has normal anime eyes like a lot of Gen 1 Pokemon, it also has beastlier claws, a more intimidating pelt, and remains pretty round in shape, keeping a key part of Wolfman’s perfect design. It really bugs me, once again, that nothing similar to these designs have ever been included in the games since this demo. Farfetch’d and Tangela ended up getting evolutions eventually, Pinsir got a Mega Evolution, Sharpedo fills a similar niche to Ikari, several other mammalian Electric types play similar roles to Kotora, and Banette exists to parallel Norokawa, but Wolfman and Warwolf stand alone in the void of unused ideas without a clear reflection keeping their memory alive in the modern day. And that’s a damn shame. Even as ultimately simple as these two designs are, they’re just so effective in execution that I can’t help but stay bitter at their lack of inspirational presence in the series today.

On that note, I’ll wrap up this article on Gen 2′s beta designs. It is quite interesting to see what goes on behind the scenes during development, especially seeing on designs that did end up in the game started and how they ended up by comparison. Pokemon is no exception, and luckily similar beta leaks have been found for the Gen 1 and 4 games as well, so if you enjoyed seeing this collection I’d recommend checking those out online as well. Until next time, let’s all hope that Wolfman will find his way into a new Pokemon game someday.

[Gen 2 Archive]

#pokemon #pokemon review #pokemon gold beta

2 notes · View notes