#his whole... inability to accept that anyone could love him for who he is

[autistic-beshelar]

rue is, i think, in love with the idea of love.

they set a wager. the lords of the wing will find true love in this romantic, ephemeral bloom, if they only seek it. they can win it, as though it’s a game.

they long to abolish the courts. their own court has never held any love for them - why would any other court be different? a court stifles, a court smothers, a court suffocates love. the courts must be abolished, so that love can bloom. true love, love that is unfettered by politics, or station, or duty.

they are the architect of the bloom. the hunt, the heart. the dance. the potions. they will pour love into a cup and the guests will drink their fill. fae from across the realms will fall in beautiful, perfect love at rue’s hand. 

they have become the arbiter of love. when an engagement between a cruel prince and a wild goblin is set, what else can they do but judge it unfit? it was not love, it was not true. 

they share a moment in a forest with a venerated captain. he is tall, as they are. he is clawed, as they are. he is a beast, as they are, and so beautiful for it. they fall fast, and hard, and heavy. and perhaps it is only the nature of queerness, of a life lived behind a mask, yearning for the faintest spark, that causes them to love so fast. 

or perhaps they did not truly fall in love with hob at all. for they did not see him. 

they fell in love with a reflection of themself.

except, of course, that hob is not a reflection of rue. hob is his own person, and like any real person, he cannot live up to an idea. and while rue is on a wonderful journey of revelation and self acceptance, it is baffling to them that someone else’s love does not always mirror their own.

rue, in an act of bravery and vulnerability and hope, removed their mask. and they long so very much to remove hob’s - but he has never worn a mask. he has always been exactly as he is - a soldier, devoted and dutiful. an outsider, used and abused by his court. rue’s true form was hidden by their court, while hob’s otherness has always been mercilessly exposed.

rue loves hob for the idea of who he could be, if he could simply unmask as they did. but hob needs, just as rue does, to be loved for who he is.

#this really went from 'rue doesn't truly understand love and is fucked up about it' #to 'rue thinks hob's story is one of queerness but it is in fact of neurodivergence' #and while rue could pass #hob never could #this hurt me to write btw. #a court of fey and flowers #delloso de la rue #captain kp hob #i see a LOT of talk about rue's story being a queer one #which it very very deliberately and wonderfully is #but i see the same being said of hob #and i'm not saying it's wrong to see hob's story as a queer one too #but to me hob's entire narrative is so clearly an autistic one #the abuse and manipulation and straight up gaslighting that he has received from his superiors #reads so clearly as authority figures taking advantage of a neurodivergent person #his whole... inability to accept that anyone could love him for who he is #the way he is othered not so much for how he looks #but for his BEHAVIOUR #for things that are blatant autistic traits #that's... that's an autistic narrative for sure. #not to say that hob isn't also queer #and of course there is so so much overlap between queer stories and autistic stories #but i think that #rue is only seeing their experience as a queer person #they aren't understanding that hob's experience is different than theirs #because he is autistic #also for many other reasons but like. look. we're talking autism babey. #and also i'm not saying rue can't also be autistic or neurodivergent in some way #but they don't have the same experience as hob does

[deus-sema]

Natsu's emotional intelligence is greatly underestimated. He is anything but blissfully unaware; he is highly perceptive of how others feel and reacts accordingly. For instance, when Jellal was about to be arrested by the Magic Council towards the end of the Oracion Seis arc, he could sense Erza's turmoil and understood what the former meant to her which led to him taking a stand for Jellal. He reassured Juvia that they would get Gray back during the Avatar arc. He was mature enough to put up an innocent charade of incompetence to keep Asuka happy. He has lent emotional support to Lucy on several occasions and showcased utmost sensitivity.

That brings us to two questions: Why does he play the clueless fool and what will make him acknowledge his feelings and, eventually, act on them?

First, it is my interpretation that what terrifies Natsu more than anything else in the world is loss. He cannot so much as entertain the possibility of losing the people he loves. Let alone accept its inevitability. It is why he adheres to a maladaptive coping style where he simply avoids difficult situations and feelings. Instead of facing the reality of Igneel's death and allowing himself to be supported by his friends, he chose to isolate himself from everyone with only Happy for company. Natsu would sooner bear the burden of the entire world than share his own with his friends.

When the situation is under control and whatever crisis they're facing is averted, he wilfully regresses to his childish ways, content with the knowledge that he wouldn't have to face his feelings or address them. That everything will be how it always has been.

For Natsu to experience growth, he will have to experience a loss from which he can neither escape nor avoid. It shouldn't be a permanent one but it needs to last a while and end with the realisation that life is too short to not be savoured in its entirety. That he needs to break out of the shell he so stubbornly clings to and let people in.

Then there are his feelings for Lucy, who, I daresay, is in an entirely different category from the rest of his friends.

His words to Lucy at the end of the manga, that they will always be together, are not so much a statement, as they are a promise, both to her and to himself for when he believed that he had lost her forever, the outcome was frightening. Much like his brother Zeref, whose whole tragedy was triggered by his inability to come to terms with losing the one he loved most, Natsu's intense devotion for Lucy can bring out the worst in him.

For NaLu to unite for good, I need them to be apart for a while. When faced with the reality that Lucy might not be by his side forever or vice versa, Natsu will have no choice but to face his demons and get his act together. It will not be an easy process but a little angst has never harmed anyone.

#fairy tail #fairy tail 100 years quest #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #natsu x lucy #nalu

[stannienight]

Hi, I hope you are well 💗

I was wondering if you could do Saiki K x reader, where reader and Saiki are best friends (and he secretly has a crush on them) and reader just got out of a bad relationship and thinks nobody will ever love them again, so Saiki tries to help them feel better and hint that he likes them ?

☮️&❤️

let me tell you, i love this ask sm. it has so much potential. for now i just spewed out whatever i could but this is such a lovely trope, especially for someone like saiki

❤

saiki k x best friend reader (after your breakup)

- okay listen. saiki is bad at being subtle. especially when you're so oblivious. it just leads to So Much Chaos

- the fact that you just got out of a relationship makes it hard to pick up hints okay - anyways, saiki isn't focused on getting you to like him or anything. his "hints" just happen to slip out - but it's not just that, right? you're also best friends. SARCASTIC best friends. combine that with your self-deprecation and saiki's inability to handle romance and there's a disaster waiting to happen - you: ugh what if no one ever loves me for who i am? saiki: am i a joke to you? you: yeah saiki: fair enough - you: i hate my ex. i'm going to devote myself to making him regret this saiki: didn't you waste enough time in the relationship? you, now woke: holy shit you're right - you: saiki help me glow up saiki: there is literally nothing i can improve you: IS THAT A DISS? saiki: - he helps you through the breakup, too. in true best-friend fashion, when you call him in the middle of the night with the news, he's in your room within a second. he brings ice cream, a blanket, and for some reason, a cat. you don't even know where he got it from. but you needed it - for the next few days he buys you gifts (which you keep telling him you don't need) but he wants to remind you that even he can do the job of being a boyfriend better than your ex - all your mutual friends are like, how oblivious can she get? and since when is saiki so bold? - saiki has no idea this is a romantic thing to do. "i'm just proving anyone can be better than he was wdym it's just a statistical thing?" - your friends find this whole dynamic hilarious- chiyo especially, the romance fanatic, who has never seen saiki exhibit any emotion - every time you spend time with saiki, kaidou and aren pointedly leave you two alone (dragging a nendo as oblivious as you along with them) whispering and giggling. you're so confused but not complaining - honestly, half the school already thinks you're dating? everyone except the two of you has just accepted it as a fact that you're a thing - dude: so saiki, how's your girlfriend saiki: what girlfriend dude: y/n? saiki: she's not my girlfriend dude: oh really? then maybe i can try confessing to her- saiki: dude: why am i in florida? - yeah okay he's just the tiniest bit possessive since the breakup okay? he doesn't want you getting hurt again - and don't worry he brought the guy back from florida ❤ i had so much fun writing this ong i canNOT imagine saiki being subtle at all or even understanding the line between close friendship and romance. it's all so objective to him and my guy's probably so confused send me asks for hcs, oneshots, or anything in general, even if it’s unrelated to anime or writing! saiki k and haikyu for requests but maybe go through my profile before requesting for haikyu <3

#saiki k #saiki #saiki kusuo #kusuo saiki #the disastrous life of saiki k. #the disaster of psi kusuo saiki #saiki k headcanons #saiki headcanons #saiki imagines #saiki k imagines #kaidou #kaidou shun #saiki k fanart #saiki fanart #saiki x reader #saiki k x reader #kaidou x aren #kaidou x reader #shun kaidou #saiki k hcs

[tlou-reid]

How You Get the Girl ❆ Pope Heyward

☃︎SUMMARY: pope doesn't know how to end conversations correctly and it puts his relationship on the line.

☃︎WARNINGS: angst, kinda short, kiara is rude in this lmao, i was very uninspired so this is not that great

☃︎swiftmas masterlist!

.｡❅⋆⍋∞｡∞⍋⋆❅｡.

Stand there like a ghost, shaking from the rain.

You knew who it was before you even opened the door. The pounds on your door were loud, but not aggressive. Pope had texted you, asking if it was okay if he came by to talk. You didn’t answer, but you knew he would come anyway.

You were mad, that much was obvious. Not the silly kind of mad you’d get when Pope stuck his spoon into your frozen yogurt or the loving kind of mad you’d get when JJ made him do something stupid and you worried about him. No, you were the kind of mad that had both of you questioning whether or not you were still dating.

It had been two days since you last spoke to him. Friday night, standing at the party, beer in your hand, and JJ begging you to walk away. You couldn’t remember when he had joined the conversation, but him pulling you away was the only thing that kept you from slapping Kiara right across her kooky fucking face.

You hadn’t heard the full story or the full conversation between Pope and Kiara, but you were mad the second you heard commenting on the dress you were in, telling Pope that you’d really decided to show off tonight. You knew she was hesitant to accept you, but you didn’t think she was actively plotting against your relationship with Pope. He’d already told you about their history, but it seemed like there were feelings still lingering.

While Kiara had been the one to stab the dagger into you, Pope was the one who twisted when he let out a sigh, mumbling a “yeah”, before trying to change the topic. He didn’t stick up for you, didn’t defend you from Kiara’s baseless accusations that you were trying to impress other people. Instead, he agreed and moved on. Anything to please her, you thought.

Since this was the little bit of the conversation you had heard before you blew up on them, you had spent the whole weekend overthinking and coming up with other hurtful things they could’ve been saying about you. You’d convinced yourself they were true, which led you to avoid the entire Pogue friend group all weekend.

So now, here Pope was, hoping he could patch up your wounds and go back to the happy relationship you’d been in. He stood in the cold rain, the chill from the coming outer banks winter was nipping at him, making his face pale and his nose gain a pink hue.

She’ll open up the door, and say are you insane?

“Are you insane?” You asked when you fully opened the door, ushering him inside. No matter how mad you were at him, you didn’t want him to get sick. You still loved him after all. He stepped in quickly, seeking both the warmth your house provided and to be closer to you.

“Y/N,” he was out of breath as if he had run here. “I’m sorry for whatever you think you heard, but I promise I wasn’t saying anything bad about you.” He was talking fast like he didn’t think he’d have time to get everything he wanted to say out. “I would never, ever say anything bad about you or believe anything anyone else says.”

“Pope, I heard you agree with her.” You rolled your eyes, crossed your arms over your chest, and took a step away from him. He knew you were being defensive. He could only imagine how much hearing that interaction must’ve hurt your feelings. All Pope wanted to do was go back and tell Kiara to stop, to walk away from the conversation entirely, to get up and go dance with you instead of listening to her. But he couldn’t. So, here he was, trying his hardest to get you to listen.

Say it’s been a long six months and you were too afraid to tell her what you want.

“No!” He exclaimed, growing frustrated with his inability to find the right words to say. “Y/N, please,” he was growing desperate, tired of the space between you two. “I just wanted her to shut up! I don’t know what’s going on with her! I wanted her to stop talking and I wanted to go dance with you, but I’m stupid and I didn’t.” Pope looked crazed, eyes wide and arms flailing to emphasize his points.

“You didn’t defend me!” You exasperated. Your voice cracked as you basically yelled at him. You wanted him to see how bad he hurt you. Kiara, you could deal with. She was just a girl who was friends with your boyfriend. But, Pope was your everything.

“I know,” Pope’s voice was gentler now, “I know. I should’ve. I should’ve told her that you can dress however you want. That you could’ve shown up in a trash bag, or even naked, and I still would’ve shown you off. I don’t care what people think or see or feel about you. I should’ve told her that but I didn’t and I’m so sorry.” At this point, Pope’s eyes were beginning to fill with tears.

“She’s gonna keep doing this,” You informed, cocking your hip to the side. If he was going to allow her to, there was no point in this conversation. His words were sweet and calmed your overthinking, but you needed change to happen.

“I won’t let her,” Pope sighs out, taking a step closer to you. He relaxed a bit when you didn’t step away from him. “I’ll tell her to stop and that I’m not going to talk to her if she doesn’t.” You could tell by his face how serious he was. His dark eyes were boring into yours.

He took another step towards you, “Please, don’t let this be the end of his. I’ve had a wonderful six months with you.” You held eye contact for a moment, before taking quick steps to wrap your arms around his waist. He didn’t waste any time pulling you close to him. “I’m sorry,” he breathed into the top of your head.

You nodded, letting the tears fall onto his shirt. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. When you pulled away, he kept his hands on your waist. Pope pulled in for a kiss. You couldn’t stop the words from leaving your mouth as you pulled away, “I love you.”

He smiled as you uttered the three words he’d been waiting for the first time. He’d already said them, but it was taking you just a bit longer. He wasn’t too worried about it, as he could see the way you loved him in the things you did.

“I love you, too.”

And that’s how it works, that’s how you get the girl.

#pope heyward #pope heyward imagine #pope heyward blurb #pope heyward x reader #pope heyward x y/n #pope imagine #pope x reader #pope heyward x you #outer banks blurb #outer banks imagine #outer banks x you #outer banks x reader #pope heyward angst #pope heyward fluff #outer banks angst #outer banks fluff #outer banks fanfiction #swiftmas 2023!

[izzysillyhandsy]

Thoughts about the finale, and my utter confusion about Izzy Hands

What I hated about Izzy's death wasn't him dying. I love a tragic arc, and although Con O'Neill elevated every scene he was in, it would have been ok if they'd handled his death better.

To have him die with only 10mins of the episode left (and this might even be the last ever episode!) was the first terrible decision. Everything that was built up over 2 seasons had to be resolved in a few minutes, we don't see any repercussions for anyone Izzy was important to - Ed, the crew and even Stede.

But the main criticism is the 180° turn the show made for his character arc in the last episode (or more precisely, in Izzy's last scene) and in David Jenkins' latest interviews.

Since season 1, I kept asking myself the same two questions:

What function does Izzy Hands have in the narrative? What is the nature of his relationship with Ed?

And the answers changed drastically from S1 to S2, and got more and more complex and intriguing.

Until the finale.

Izzy Hands as a plot device for the main couple

In S1, Izzy was an antagonist. His function in the narrative was to stand in the way of the Ed/Stede romance, of Ed growing and finding happiness and to move the plot along. He brought a lot of humour to almost every interaction he was in - he was such a fish-out-of-water character, clashing with everyone and constantly losing.

He was barely human - he was a pirate cliché.

But there was also so much going on in the background - his quiet desparation, his obvious love and longing for Ed, and these hints of a fascinating backstory between the two of them. This is what many fans picked up on, and going into S2 we hoped that we'd get more of this (for me personally the most important thing was clarification on Izzy's importance to Ed).

And then S2 came along and boy, were all of our expectations exceeded.

Suddenly, Izzy wasn't a plot device anymore. He was one half of the most intense (and interesting, sorry Stede) couple in the show. It was even confirmed by the showrunner that he was in a love triangle with the main couple!

In the first 2 episodes, we got so much more than we ever expected. At the end of Ep2, Izzy broke the lifeline with Ed, both of them almost dying in the process. He went on a journey of discovering who and what he even was without Ed (and right up to his death he was still deeply unhappy and broken, even though he was on the right path).

Izzy suddely became a fascinating character in his own right, with his arc of healing and self-acceptance and his inability (for now) to keep himself from sliding back into this relationship with his other half. He was blaming himself for everything that had happened. He was still so entangled with this man he built his whole life around. He still had a long way to go and a lot to work through (the same also applies to Ed btw).

But he also became the crew's unicorn, doing Izzy things (still related to Ed, always to Ed) but you could feel him becoming more himself. Slowly, Izzy's real personality started to shine through and we realized - this man is fascinating on his own accord. He's a respected and very capable pirate. He came from nothing and fought his way up. He's a really good teacher. He's creative and sensitive. He also cares about other people than Ed a lot.

Viewers who hated him or were indifferent to him in S1 suddenly became interested - this man's journey was fascinating and, most importantly, it wasn't at all finished. There was so much yet to come, and we wanted to see it.

Does this sound like a plot device to you? If it doesn't, bad news.

At the end of the final episode, Izzy is suddenly back where he was in S1.

He dies in a completely unnecessary way - almost as if how he died didn't matter. And it didn't matter, because in the end, Izzy Hands' journey didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that he died and how it affected the main couple.

On his deathbed, Izzy is saying exactly what Ed needs to hear to move on. He absolves him of any guilt. Ed is ready. Izzy has played his part, he's ready to die.

Notably, nothing is really resolved for poor Izzy. Even if Ed says he doesn't want him to go, it's because Ed is losing his only family. He doesn't tell Izzy he loves him, or that he's important to him as a person, as his oldest friend, as the one who knows him best.

In the end, Izzy's function in the narrative, even after everything that happened in S2, was to be an obstacle to the Ed/Stede romance, to Ed growing and finding happiness. He had to die to free Ed of his Blackbeard persona and because "it's nice that Blackbeard is upset by it" (WTF).

The problem is, for the rest of the season, that wasn't Izzy's role in this show at all and I felt completely blindsided.

More than a spurned, jilted lover

"I guess it's a journey of redemption, but I think it's more a journey of finding out, who is he to Blackbeard?" According to Jenkins, Izzy is "more than a spurned, jilted lover." "What is that relationship about? And I think by the end of the season it kind of becomes a little unexpected of who they are to each other and what they mean to each other." (source)

I also made a poll about that question after Ep3 if anyone's interested.

The answer is, apparently, the two of them were Blackbeard. Or, Izzy was the brains behind the operation. Or, Izzy egged Eddie on to give in to his darker impulses (which, I think, was alluded to quite strongly in the murder/suicide scene).

I mean, yes. That was one of the options on my poll that I was quite sure of, and I think most of us suspected this even in S1.

Izzy was Eddie's only family. Ok, I think family doesn't quite express what was going on between them in S2, but that certainly was one aspect of their relationship.

This is all fine. I can see that being built up to over the two seasons.

But.

"And then there was the realization that [Izzy] is kind of a mentor to Blackbeard and that he is kind of a father figure to Blackbeard. It felt nice to have him die and have Blackbeard be upset by it, because Blackbeard killed his father. But this is a father figure that he’s losing that it’s hard for him; it's sad and he doesn't want him to go." (source)

This is not fine. Not at all.

Izzy is not Blackbeard's mentor. Izzy is obviously in love with Ed (and Ed is fully aware of that). Izzy might have been a mentor-like presence in Ed's life when they were younger, but when we meet them in S1 Izzy is more like an overworked housewife cleaning up behind her disinterested husband. Izzy would do anything for Ed (apart from killing him) and is ready to die at one point because of him. Izzy is desperate, grabbing onto the scraps Ed throws his way.

Where, where does Izzy seem like a mentor to Ed in all of this? A mentor is supposed to be at least at the same level or above but Izzy is clearly not.

And in the death scene, suddenly, that's all there is left of their complex, intense dynamic.

Izzy took young Eddie in and fed his darkness. He was Eddie's only family, binding him to himself out of selfishness in the process.

So that's their unexpected "who they are to each other". Izzy taught Ed everything he knows (which is actually bad for him) and it'd probably been better if they'd never even met.

And don't get me wrong, I don't completely disagree with this take. As a part of their dynamic, this is a fascinating concept - but only if this wasn't the end.

Because there was so much more, so much promise of a complicated, mutually destructive relationship that nevertheless was also full of love. Those two seemed so intertwined (and I'll never forgive Stede for stealing that for himself and Ed). Ed is Izzy's missing half and Izzy is Ed's.

And I still believe that, without Izzy, Ed isn't complete.

And with this rushed conclusion, and all the mess left behind and never even looked at, Ed will never be happy.

Conclusion

I think what hurts the most is, that with Izzy dead and their last conversation being that reductive, all possibilities of an exploration of all these complex and fascinating aspects of their relationship are now closed. I know this show isn't about Ed and Izzy. But Izzy is a big part of what made Ed interesting, and he's a brilliant character in his own right. We could have gotten so much more (even if it's only allusions, we really don't need everything spelled out).

I guess I expected too much from this show - but with good reason. The actors gave it their all. S2 set up such an intricate dynamic (and it was probably overly ambitious with only 4 hours of screentime!). I've never gotten so much of what I wanted from an outsider character in any show.

And then it let us down in the last 10 minutes.

And even if we hadn't gotten a season 3 - the setup was all there for meta, for fanfiction. Why ruin it all with killing off Izzy for all the wrong reasons and making their last conversation all about Ed "outliving his mentor".

To quote Prince Ricky: "Oh, my goodness. You've just grown so tedious."

Still, I love everything they've done in this show except for the ending. I will watch it again, many times, and enjoy the drama, the humour and the complexity. But I will try to forget these interviews and convince myself Izzy's senseless death was just a dream :).

#ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #izzy hands #edward teach #it's just not fair #Izzy deserved so much better #and Con O'Neill as well #so many things were set up and then boom #nothing matters anymore

[cxsmicbaby]

this is the day

pairing : peter quill x reader

warnings : alcohol use; angst with a happy ending :p

word count : 4.7k

a/n : inspired by this is the day by the the. i love this actually. something cute :)

peter’s forgotten how to have fun. you help him remember, and suddenly he is reminded of things he pushed down a long, long time ago.

                        ───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Peter is starting to really hate space. 

He’s spent his whole life out there; once, a ravager, then a lone ranger, and now in apart of a team of his own. He used to sit by the windows on Yondu’s ship and watch as the stars slowly passed them by, twinkling; he would think about how once, they had been more like drawings on the sky than real things, and now, they were places he could go. It was like magic. 

It’s all grown pretty stale, if he’s being honest. Which is why he really enjoys just staying put on Knowhere, drinking until his vision goes blurry. Listening to his music and ignoring all his problems. Letting the rest of them carry the heavy weight, because Peter tried, and he couldn’t handle it. He hasn’t been out in his ship in months. Sometimes he misses it, but then he remembers that it’s the feeling he’s missing, not the actual act. There’s no way to get that feeling back. 

You seem to think different. You, with your inability to accept defeat, and your voice so loud he can hear it even when his music is on full volume. You’re outside the bar, engaged in some sort of argument with who-knows-who, and it sounds like you’re losing. Peter isn’t drunk enough to not be able to stand just yet, and his curiosity gets the better of him, so he turns his music down and tries to listen for what you’re saying. 

“—acting like a dick, Rocket. He hasn’t left that place all day, and he’s been doing this for weeks. I’m sure the seat has his ass imprinted into it.” 

“He’s grieving. I think we should just let him be, you know? Let him get through it.” 

“Everyone is grieving! You don’t see anyone else drinking themselves to death.” 

Rocket doesn’t seem to have a retort to that. Peter thinks that maybe he should be hurt by the way you’re talking about him, but he knows you’re right. You usually are.

“All he needs is to be reminded of who he is. Reminded of why he does this in the first place, you know. Of why it’s fun to be alive.” 

“Okay, and how would we do that? We can’t even get him out of those clothes. He’s been wearing them for two days straight.” 

Peter looks down at himself. He has been wearing these clothes for two days, hasn’t he? That’s gross, he thinks. He almost smells himself before he decides against it. 

He’s so distracted by the idea of his own stench that he doesn’t notice the voices have stopped, and suddenly the door swings open, sending him tumbling backwards. Peter falls on his ass, but scrambles to stand, very conscious of how disgusting everyone must think he is after overhearing such a sobering conversation. 

You stare down at him, your mouth spread into a wide grin. You offer him a hand, which is not what he was expecting, but he takes it anyway. 

“Go take a shower, Pete! We’re going on an adventure.” You pull him to his feet. 

“What?” Peter says, and his eyebrows furrow a little at how dumbstruck he sounds. Maybe it’s the liquor. He did have a good amount before your screaming disrupted him. 

“I said, we’re going out. We’re gonna have some fun, like old times.” You’re not asking him, you’re telling him, and even if he’s slightly drunk Peter knows better than to outright say no to you. He’s known you a bit longer than the rest, as he met you about a year before the whole Ronan thing. You worked together on and off, and he got to know you and your quirks—he was a different guy back then, though. He’s honestly not sure why you kept talking to him, because sometimes he thinks about the vulgar things he used to say to you and shivers in disgust. Even worse, the things he used to think about you. If he had voiced any of those thoughts he probably wouldn’t be alive right now. 

“Man, I’m tired. Can’t we go another time?” he tries, attempting to let you down easy. Your smile doesn’t falter, and you slap your hand on his shoulder, probably a little harder than you meant to. 

“Nope! We’re going now, today. Go home, I’ll pick you up in an hour.” The rest of the sentence goes unspoken—if you aren’t ready when I come, I will kick you in the nuts until they both explode. Peter hears it, though, despite your warm grin. You’ve always had a very pretty, innocent smile, which doesn’t really match your personality. He finds it slightly off-putting. 

Peter takes his time walking home, finishing the bottle of liquor on his way there. His tolerance has gotten infuriatingly high due to his overconsumption these past weeks, but it’s still worth a try. Maybe if you show up and he’s too drunk, you won’t make him go. You’ll certainly be disappointed, but he’ll still be able to stay in. 

No, that’s not really worth it. Peter really hates disappointing you. It’s different than when you’re mad, because when you’re mad at least Peter knows he is going to either be hit or berated, and that’s always over soon enough. But when you’re disappointed, it lasts. And you’re sad. He’d rather you be mad at him than sad because of something he’s done. 

It occurs to him; you’ve probably been saddened, seeing him like this. And that’s what motivates him to actually shower for the first time in who knows how long, and to put on an outfit that doesn’t stink, and to wait patiently for you by his door. He closes his eyes and tries to get a moment of sleep, but soon he hears those tell-tale knocks and he stands with a sigh, opening it to see you standing there. You look excited. 

“Wow, you actually did it! I’m so proud,” you exclaim, and though he’s sure you’re being sarcastic, Peter feels himself smile a little. He bites it back and pushes gently past you. 

“Yeah, whatever. Let’s just go. Wherever it is we’re going.” 

Peter lets you drive, because he doesn’t feel like it, and he also doesn’t think it’s a great idea to steer a spaceship while... impaired. When the ship leaves the planet’s atmosphere, he feels himself jolt up a bit, unfamiliar with the feeling after spending so long on the ground. The blue sky fades into darkness, littered with stars. He should think it’s beautiful, but all he can think about is how many horrible things have happened to him out here. How many horrible things he’s done. 

“You’re gonna love this, I promise. Total blast from the past,” you reassure, noticing how his face has fallen ever so slightly. Peter ignores you and sighs instead, reaching into his pocket to slide a cassette tape into the stereo. At least if he’s forced to be out here, he can have his music. 

He’s not prepared to hear what plays. It’s a classic, for sure. It’s a great song. But he can’t hear without thinking about her, and that’s really not what he wants to be doing right now. He still remember exactly what Gamora looked like, staring up at him with glittering eyes, hearing this song for the first time. He was the one who introduced her to music. That’s basically a soul bond. The thought makes him slump into his seat. 

“This is a good one,” you say, swaying from side to side to the melody, oblivious to Peter’s grief. “A little slow, though. You should change it to something more upbeat.” 

“Yeah,” Peter whispers, and you turn to him with slightly worried eyes. But he changes the song without saying anything else, and the rest of the ride you both stay quiet. 

Peter closes his eyes about halfway through, and when he opens them up again you’ve landed somewhere he recognizes. Of course, he thinks, of course you would bring him here. This is definitely a blast from the past, you got that right. 

“Come on, let’s go! It’s about to be prime-time, so there’s probably a happy hour deal somewhere.” You’re already up, putting on a brown leather jacket and walking toward the ship’s door, where a platform is lowering toward the ground. Peter doesn’t know how he feels about being here. Sure, he has a lot of great memories about this place. Most with you, if not all. But something about it makes him feel old and decaying, like those good days are the best he will ever have, and from there it’ll just continue going down. 

“Alright, alright. But I don’t wanna stay out for that long.” Peter groans as he stands, stretching for a moment before he follows after you. You seem very happy, or at least, you’re trying to be. For him. That’s the only reason he’s still here, honestly. He knows you just want to make him happy. 

The two of you walk out of the ship and down the bustling street, which is already pretty packed. Girls with antennae and guys with gills flirt on the corners, blobs that are vaguely person-shaped slide down the sidewalk in groups, making weird noises that someone smarter than him might be able to discern as speech. This place is just as strange and slightly decrepit as before. 

“What do you say, should we just hit up Blue Diamond? I’m sure it’s still open,” you offer, an odd sort of pep in your step. You’re not usually this bubbly. Peter sort of enjoys it. 

“I guess, yeah. I’ll just go wherever you wanna go.” 

You sigh, and pause for a moment, turning to face him. Your hands fall on his shoulders and you look up at him, trying to stare into his eyes hard enough that he’ll really hear you. 

“If you act miserable, you’re gonna be miserable. Try not to be such a downer, okay? Try to have some fun, even if it’s only for right now.” You’ve not been so sincere with him in a long time, and it’s a bit startling. Your eyebrows are raised and you look a little vulnerable, and Peter is starting to feel very, very badly about the way he’s been treating you recently. So, he manages a smile. 

“Alright, well since this night is for me, I should get to pick where we go.” His smile grows a little, because yours does too. 

“Makes sense to me. Lead the way!” 

Peter ends up taking you to Blue Diamond, mostly because he remembers they have a drink there that is strong, and still tasty. Plus, if the same bartender is still working there, he might be able to charm his way into a free drink. She always had a thing for him, you could both tell. You used to laugh about the way she made goggly eyes at Peter when he wasn’t looking. 

It’s not the same bartender. It’s actually this weirdly handsome guy who is built like Drax if Drax was a little less bulky. Peter told him once that he needed to get rid of his no-neck, but then Drax told him he needed to get rid of his beer belly, so he stopped. 

“It hasn’t changed at all, has it?” you say, standing by his side. You’re right, it hasn’t. Same dim blue lighting, same metal barstools, same ratty old booths. Except, now they have table where people are playing something akin to beer pong, but instead of their hands they’re using these weird, mini tennis rackets. Strange, but Peter’s seen much stranger. Actually, it looks kinda fun. 

You start for the bar before he does, strolling past a photo of the bar’s owner on the wall. He must’ve passed, Peter thinks, and that gives him that same sort of painful, existential feeling. He can remember talking to the guy like it was yesterday, and now he’s just gone. He wonders if he felt fulfilled when he died. 

Peter takes a seat next to you at the bar, and you wave the bartender down, ordering two drinks that he doesn’t catch the name of. The bartender eyes you in a way that Peter doesn’t really like. It reminds him a lot of the way he used to stare at you when you would go here together, and that makes him feel gross, because if the bartender is thinking the same things he had been in those moments, he probably deserves a slap across the face. 

You did slap him across the face, once. Peter remembers exactly what it was about, but neither of you have ever brought it up again, so he chooses to pretend it didn’t happen. 

“So, what about this is going to suddenly make me realize that life is fun?” Peter starts, swiveling in his seat so that his body faces yours. You roll your eyes, as this confirms for you that he was listening to your conversation with Rocket. 

“I just. I wanna remind you of what it feels like to be happy, you know? You deserve it, Pete. I’m serious.” 

He did not expect that answer. “Why are you being so... sweet, lately? You’re being very nice to me and it makes me think you’re up to something.” 

You laugh a little, and Peter realizes how long it’s been since he’s heard that; your giggle, which is probably the most perfect-sitcom laugh he’s ever heard in his life. You gaze at his face for a moment before you shrug, and pin your attention somewhere else before you bring your eyes back. There’s something else there now, something realer than before. 

“I don’t know. I care about you, a lot. And it feels like you’re letting everything suffocate you. Whatever happened to the Peter that fought back?” You shove him playfully, and he smiles a little sadly at your words. “The Peter that didn’t let anyone tell him that he wasn’t worth it. That was you, it still is. But now it’s you telling yourself that you can’t do it. So I just thought maybe it would help if someone told you that you can.” 

Peter doesn’t know what to say. He feels like he might cry, so instead of steeping in the moment he turns back to the bar and sees the guy coming back with your drinks. Perfect goddamn timing. 

He downs the first one mere seconds after it’s placed in front of him. The drunkenness he had experienced before you left had turned to lethargy, but now it’s back with a vengeance. The alcohol is quickly in his veins, making him warm, his cheeks a little red. He takes off his coat and drapes it over the back o the stool. If he’s gonna be there, he might as well try to get into it. 

Peter orders another once you’ve finished yours, which is not too far after him. You’ve always been a bit of a heavyweight, so you seem mostly sober, but that’ll change quickly. After two more, you’re giggling and leaning on his shoulder, your cheeks tinted pink and your words loose and stumbling together. 

“Remember that time we ran into that weird guy here? The one with the horns?” you say, through bouts of laughter. Peter looks down at you and he smiles. He does remember. 

“Yeah, I remember how I had to beat his ass. That guy was a fuckin’ pervert.” 

You giggle again, hiding your face in his side. Without thinking, Peter wraps his arm around you, and his hand is flat against the curve of your back. Your skin is warm. 

“I always thought that was so cute, how you fought for me. So chivalrous,” you confess, your words slightly muffled by his shirt. Peter feels an oddly familiar feeling rise from his stomach to his chest before he swallows it down with a laugh. 

“I’ve always been a gentleman, what can I say?” Peter knows that is so false, and so do you, because you shoot up laughing so hard he’s sure tears will spring from your eyes any moment now. You’ve always been so pretty when you laugh, not for any really specific reason, but mostly just because he likes it when you’re yourself. You put up this really tough front a lot, but Peter likes to think he knows you better than anyone. That’s not who you really are. This is who you really are. 

“Don’t talk nonsense, Pete. I haven’t forgotten that night.” 

And just like that, the entire illusion comes crashing down, and Peter feels the warmth in his chest rise to his cheeks and ears. He’s sure they’re bright red, and this is confirmed when you gently take the edge of one between your fingertips, giggling and teasing him about how embarrassed he’s gotten. He grumbles, pushing your hand away. Your touch sends goosebumps down his neck.

“Come on, don’t bring that up. You know I hate myself for that.” Peter shakes his head and finishes off the remnants of his third drink. It goes down easy and he decides he should probably take a break before ordering another. 

You lean your elbow on the bar, your cheek in the palm of your hand. You study him with soft, playful eyes, your smile nostalgic, as if you’re remembering something fondly. Peter thinks you must not be talking about the same thing, because if you were, you wouldn’t be thinking of anything fondly. He can still feel the sting of your hand on his cheek. It ached for a day afterward, and he felt so guilty that he didn’t even ice it. He wanted to feel the pain, a reminder that he should never ever even think about doing something like that again. 

And then you speak. “I wasn’t really that mad at you, you know.” 

Peter’s mouth parts in surprise. “What?! You fucking backhanded me, man. And I totally deserved it, I’m not complaining, I’m just—what?” 

You inhale deeply, and turn away from him, toward the bartender, who has been checking you out even less shamefully since you’ve shed your jacket. You order another drink, which Peter thinks is not a great idea, but who is he to tell you to stop? He’s been doing the same thing for weeks, and he didn’t listen to anyone. It’s not really his place. He only wonders why your reaction to his outburst was more drinks, and not to explain. It makes him feel like there is something you don’t want to tell him. 

“I mean, I wasn’t mad for the reason you thought I was. And you’re right, you definitely did deserve that. Even if I felt a little bad about it after,” you finally say, facing him once more. The lighting washes you in blue and makes Peter think of a siren, calling him to his demise from the ocean. He leans closer. 

“What... what do you mean?” he asks, timidly. Peter is still very much drunk and he’s struggling to focus. Your eyes get brighter the closer he gets. Your skin looks very soft and he notices a necklace he didn’t before. Mantis must’ve brought it for you on her latest escapade. It’s beautiful.

You stare back at him, and suddenly you giggle softly. “It’s nothing. Just forget it.” 

Peter doesn’t want to forget it. But he knows you, and he knows that pushing you too far always results in you pushing back. 

The two of you drink, and drink, and drink a little more. You play that weird tennis-beer-pong game and he wins, but not by much. A song you really like comes on and you dance. He watches you from a booth, oddly entranced, before you force him up. You dance awkwardly together around the room, jumping and shimmying, probably off tempo. Peter doesn’t realize it until it’s time to leave, but he hasn’t felt that strange painful nostalgia in at least two hours. That’s a new record. 

“Let’s not go back just yet,” you say, your eyes lidded and your words slurring ever so slightly. “I needa walk some of this off before I get back behind the wheel.” 

The wheel? That’s not happening. “Nah, we should just sleep on the ship here, and go back tomorrow. I don’t wanna die yet.” 

You laugh, and lean into him, interlocking your arms as you start to walk. Your head is heavy on his shoulder, and he keeps tripping over your feet, but he wouldn’t dare ask you to move. He doesn’t want you to. He thinks about how good it feels to be close to someone, and realizes that he missed that, probably most of all.  

“Peter,” you start, your voice slightly breathy. You must be very tired. It’s later than he expected to it be and he knows you haven’t drunken like that in a while. Peter likes the way you say his name. “I missed you so much.” 

Your words make his heart break. “I know. I missed me too.” 

Quiet. The street is nowhere near as bustling anymore; just a few losers sitting passed out on the ground, a group of drunk younger people skipping down the street, a homeless woman petting a stray dog. Peter can hear the sound of his own breathing, steady and slow. Relaxed. 

“You didn’t miss me?” Peter can tell you’re teasing, but he can also sense a hint of truth behind your words. His chest aches. 

“Of course I did. Of course.” His voice is soft and quiet. 

Silence, again. Then, your hand slowly slithers down his arm, and you timidly lace your fingers with his. Peter squeezes. Your hand is cold, despite the rest of your body running hot with liquor. 

“Peter?” you say yet again, lifting your head so that you can look at him. Your smile is gone, and your eyebrows are slightly upturned. You look so vulnerable, and again it makes his stomach turn. He wants to hold you in his arms and tell you over and over that he’s sorry, he’s sorry for things he’s done to you, things he hasn’t done, for the way he’s treated you. 

“Yeah?” he whispers, instead. 

“I wasn’t mad at you because you kissed me. I was mad because I knew you didn’t mean it. Not in the way I wanted you to, anyhow.”

Peter feels like his organs have turned inside out. 

His hand goes limp in yours and you take that as a sign that he doesn’t want to hold it anymore, so you let go, your arm falling to your side in defeat. You turn away, and you cross your arms over your chest, almost hugging yourself. You’re always protecting yourself from being hurt, physically, emotionally—he hates that it’s him you are hiding from, this time. 

But despite all that, Peter stays silent. He doesn’t know what to say. All the repressed feelings he has for you suddenly threaten to swim up to his throat and he massages his chest, trying to keep them down. You take a deep breath and it sounds watery. You’re still walking, but you’ve slowed just the slightest bit. He slows to be next to you. 

“Hey,” he finally says, craning his head, trying to catch your face. Peter swears he can see tears and his hands start to shake. “Hey, look at me. Please.” 

You sniffle, and stop walking. You’re clutching yourself really tight, like you’re trying to hold yourself together. Peter’s never seen you like this, and it fills him with this heavy shame; it’s him, that’s made you this way. Him that has reduced you to this. Never in his life has he ever wished anything but good things for you, but here he is, something bad. Something that hurts. 

But you look at him. You’re crying, but you still look at him. 

You stare at each other in silence for a few moments before you scoff, and avert eye contact. “Well? Say something. Don’t just gawk at me like I’m a zoo attraction.” 

Peter swallows hard. “I... I did mean it.”

Something heavy hangs in the air, like the sky right before downpour. You look into his eyes again and your eyebrows suddenly furrow. 

“Oh, fuck you, Peter!” Your sudden volume makes Peter flinch, but you keep going. “You are such an asshole. You strung me along for so long. Giving me hope that maybe you felt the same, just to turn around and flaunt another one of your conquests in my face. If you really mean it, you didn’t do a good job of showing that.” 

You’re crying hard now, unable to make it through your words without pausing for a small sob. The sight makes Peter reach out for you involuntarily, and he feels his face fall when you recoil from his touch, staring at him like he’s the worst thing to ever happen to you, like he’s the bane of your existence. But then that fades away and you’re just sad, and you’re suddenly looking at him like you love him, and you’d do anything for him, and Peter wants to cry too. 

“I swear, I didn’t know,” Peter tries, his voice still quiet. He swallows a tremor. “I thought... I didn’t think you’d ever feel that way. About me.” 

You try to glare at him, but your eyes are glistening in the streetlamp’s glow and you look like a fucking angel. 

Peter takes a step forward. “I felt that way about you. I... I feel that way about you. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” 

You don’t move away, but you don’t say anything. You’re still hugging yourself, trying to fold away from his gaze. Peter feels fear bubbling in his chest the longer you remain silent and he can no longer fight the tears that are prickling at the corners of his eyes. 

“Please, say something,” he begs, close enough now to touch you. “Please. I can’t... I can’t lose you too.” Peter’s voice cracks and he reaches up slowly to put his arms on yours, trying to drag them from their positions clutching your sides. You let him, and he lets out a small sigh of relief. He holds your hands in his, which are trembling ever so slightly. 

Maybe it’s the alcohol that’s still in him, but he swears he can see you about to smile. And then it becomes real, and a soft, beautiful smile spreads across your face, and it’s like the sun is rising. 

“God, you’re so beautiful.” Peter says, before he can stop himself. And just like that, your lips are on his, your hands on his face, holding it gently between your palms. Peter blinks once, unsure this is really happening, before he feels himself melting from the inside out. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, kissing you like they do in those old films, passionate and loving, like it’s the last thing he’s ever gonna do that matters. 

It’s you that pulls away, even though Peter chases after you. You’re still crying, but you’re also still smiling. Peter thinks that he would kill someone just to see you smile like this. 

“Let’s keep walking. The night is still pretty young,” you finally say, quiet, like you’re telling him a secret. Peter watches your face for a moment before he mirrors your grin, and wraps his arm tight around your shoulder. You’re right, the night is young. And he has a lot of lost time to make up for, a lot of things to say and do that he has wanted to for so long, and now he finally can. 

You walk together, still tripping over one another, still giggling like drunken idiots. And when you reach the ship, you stumble inside, and collapse onto the floor with a heavy, tired sigh. Peter lies down next to you and you cuddle into his side. 

“Did it work?” 

Peter hums, unsure what you mean, but then he remembers. He strokes your head and closes his eyes, feeling the exhaustion from the liquor beginning to creep up on him.

“I think so.”

You rest your hand on his chest. “You’re worth it, Pete. You are.” 

And though someone can say something like that and you can not believe it, Peter believes it, for the first time in so long. He is worth it. Maybe not worth you, just yet. But he can fight for that, he can learn. He can be the person that you deserve. He will be. 

That night, Peter dreams of the stars. 

#peter quill #quill x reader #peter quill x reader #peter quill x you #peter quill x y/n #starlord #starlord x you #starlord x reader #x reader #reader insert #gender netural reader #marvel #starlord fluff #marvel angst #marvel fluff #guardians of the galaxy #gotg #gotg vol 2 #gotg vol 3 #marvel x reader #marvel x y/n #marvel x you #marvel reader insert

[garden-bug]

Luke's inner conflict surrounding attachment and the Jedi code from my Dinluke fic

“Love and compassion are the Jedi way.” “But not family.” Luke is again stabbed by that brief, painful conversation. Sometimes moments of it will play out in his head and it’s as if he’s there again, except in his mind he stays and doesn’t leave, and he has an answer for Din when he says that the Jedi way is incompatible with the Mandalorian values of family.  “Luke. It's normal to be afraid for the people you care about, but that doesn't make it okay to push human connection away. Yes, it might be hard to figure this out as a Jedi, but what you're doing right now is avoiding your fear, which isn't going to make you any less afraid or the reality that bad things do happen any less painful.” Leia has always been wiser than him. “I believe the Jedi lost their way. Instead of dealing with how we felt in a healthy way, we were encouraged to push our fear and anger away, and many of us, Anakin included, bottled it up. He was… scared of something, and nobody helped him, or reassured him, because it was about your mother and he’d broken the Jedi code to be with her.” Ahsoka became completely disenchanted with the Jedi. And Luke doesn’t blame her — not after what she went through. It’s no wonder she struggles to associate herself with the name. In her view, the Jedi failed his father, she failed his father — even though there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent him from turning to the dark side.  He… he would never have made the choice his father did. If it came down to it, if it was Din in his mother’s place — “I can’t choose you, I can never choose you. Can you really tell me you understand that?” Din brought a hand up to his helmet. “I don’t know.”  What did Din mean then? He didn’t know if he could understand putting someone above everyone and everything, including what you believe in?  “Had she said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order to be by her side.” And even Ben. Why would he have had to leave the Order?  The point is — It all comes back to — Leia.  “…what you're doing right now is avoiding your fear, which isn't going to make you any less afraid or the reality that bad things do happen any less painful.” He wants to make Din understand, maybe by pushing him down and kissing him, because why the Force shouldn’t he love someone like that? Yes, it’s terrifying, but he’d sure rather love Din and have that than end up like Ben (sorry, Ben) who for some reason had the idea that loving someone equalled selfishness and destroyed your ability to put anything or anyone above the person you love and therefore was the antithesis of the Jedi code. “Attachments lead to pain, pain leads to suffering. The path to the dark side, it is.” But Yoda didn’t mention that pain is caused by fear of loss. Fear of loss is a result of one’s inability to accept that loss is part of life. Attachment does not mean love. Attachment means… a desire for control over things in life that cannot be controlled. Being tied to them. And as much as Luke loves Din he would never want to be tied to him in that way. As a Jedi, Luke must love with acceptance that everything he loves he may one day lose. Otherwise, he risks following in the footsteps of his father. Can he do it?

Further:

Context for the story: Luke is trying to rebuild the Jedi Order, falls in love with Din (who decides to embrace being the Mand'alor after being inspired by Luke), has a terrifying vision that his attachment to Din will lead to pain, and pretty much runs away to Leia on Coruscant where he tries to figure the whole thing out.

Ahsoka has gone anti-Jedi because she had a traumatic experience and still blames herself and everyone for what happened to Anakin. This is a character flaw she may or may not overcome in this story.

When Din says "but not family" implying that he believes family goes against the Jedi code, he is in the wrong and later feels immensely guilty because 1) it's mean (he was upset) and 2) his idea of family is mightily messed up, having been raised by a cult. The extremity of the guilt he feels is, though, irrational, because he has a lot of issues and he was having a panic attack in the scene where he reflects on what he said which messes up your judgement (source: personal experience).

I will revise this section because I don't think it represents Obi-Wan's feelings for Satine (I'll need to think about this more):

he’d sure rather love Din and have that than end up like Ben (sorry, Ben) who for some reason had the idea that loving someone equalled selfishness and destroyed your ability to put anything or anyone above the person you love and therefore was the antithesis of the Jedi code.

Luke fully recognises here that Anakin's own choices led him to becoming Vader. (Something Ahsoka still struggles to accept.) If this is not something you agree with please DNI with this post or with me, because I will not change my opinion.

Save for that, I would absolutely appreciate any comments or insight (I may not take them into account, but I'd be interested to hear them anyway because I want to offer as rich an insight as I can into this issue and discussion is super great for that). Also I think I might have clarity issues in this passage so if anything is unclear feel free to let me know (kindly - I am human).

Also important: I am NOT writing a Luke who 'gives up' being a Jedi because omg Din Djarin! They are both incredibly interesting characters in their own right with their own beliefs that are integral to who they are and I intend to do them as much justice as I can.

If you read the story (which I will link below) please be aware that it is a first draft and therefore I don't feel that it perfectly expresses all of the messages I want to get across. Still, huge thanks if you give it a try!

#fanficion #star wars #dinluke #din djarin x luke skywalker #ao3 fanfic #dinlukefanfic #pro jedi #anti anakin skywalker #ahsoka critical #star wars fanfiction #luke skywalker #luke skywalker analysis #din djarin #mandalore #the mandalorian #the mandalorian season 3 critical

[carefulfears]

@amplifyme thank you lovely! answering these one by one <3

top 5 underrated MSR moments

(i’m still not feeling well so this may not be coherent lol, just gonna ramble a bit)

1/ redux ii - "because i knew you'd talk me out of it if i was making a mistake"

this is my favorite line delivery of the series. it carries so much weight. he hasn't stopped smiling at her the entire time she's been in the hospital, trying to alleviate how much she worries about leaving him alone, and at times it is forced, but not here.

when he tells her that he was lost the night before, but found his way when he was with her. and explains to her the situation that he is in, the choice that he's been given, the decision that he's made. and she asks why he came to see her if he'd already made up his mind.

the way that he laughs and chokes through tears at the same time when he responds, "because i knew you'd talk me out of it if i was making a mistake."

it's almost ridiculous to say out loud, in the end, because it's the end. it's a foregone conclusion, and it's so so limited.

the look on her face says so much. there is so much grief in being needed. it doesn't last forever. it might not even last the rest of the day, she might not live long enough to ever find out if he's walking into that hearing to make a mistake. how can either of them do anything but cry and laugh in the face of that??

she's on her deathbed and he's flashing that smile at her so maybe she won't worry, like he did when he knelt before her in a surveillance unit and handed over his gun, a lifetime (or two years) before, trying to make it all okay. but how could it be okay when this person needs her like this? when it's all so fragile? when tomorrow, maybe, there won't be anyone to listen to him and tell him if he's making a mistake.

it aches to be depended on.

"you are going to die in your best friend's arms. and you play along because it's funny, because it's written down, because you've memorized it, it's all you know." (richard siken planet of love)

she's going to die in her best friend's arms, and it's funny, because what is there to do except choke out a laugh through tears?

2/ sein und zeit - "she was trying to tell you to stop"

this is tough as nails love.

this is the dirty work that no one can bear. this is being willing to tell someone what they need to hear, and to stay for the fallout.

i love this episode, and this whole scene is such an intense and important moment in who their characters are.

she gets down on the floor. she looks him in the eye and tells him the truth, even when her voice wavers. she holds steady in the midst of his lashing out, his eruptive grief, his inability to accept the facts that she cut through skin and bone to find. she grabs him and holds him tight and rocks him on the ground.

i always think of this quote from audries' throat, eye, and knucklebone:

"Sometimes she wishes he’d get some kind of universal object permanence. Actually practice the world-weariness he preaches with his tired eyes and dingy kitchen. Learn to anticipate the punch or else to slip and roll with it. It’s all incongruent - leaves her there cursing God and rocking him on the floor and all the while thinking you should know better at no one in particular."

mulder, who at 12-years-old, closed his eyes every time he walked into his room, because maybe his sister would be there when he opened them.

who looks up at stars and sees wandering souls, who can spin any light in the sky or water in an autopsy report into a reason why the world is still kind, despite all to the contrary. for whom "trust no one" is little more than a computer password, because he listens to everyone, believes everyone has something important to say, even cold answering machines.

he wants to believe, he comes into every situation with a bad joke and the most hopeful answer, he is rarely wrong. he still walks into every room with his eyes shut tight.

and what a thing to dedicate your life to, to spend your days with someone who sees the world this way. except, what happens when even the most complex spins and intricate theories cannot account for the dull sharp reality of loss? when there are certain things that are just too awful to be explained.

he should know better. one of them should, at least, but sometimes when you walk into every room with the most hopeful answer, you're wrong. sometimes there's just no evidence or conspiracy or mythos to be dreamed up.

his mother killed herself. she did so without saying goodbye, without telling him the "unsaid" truths she's kept secret, without leaving anything more than burnt photos of him in the trash and a message on his answering machine about how he didn't call her back. a message that he can rewind and replay a thousand times over, it still won't hold any answers. he still won't be able to figure this out.

it's horrible and painful and devastatingly human, with no grander purpose to it, and he should know better than to look. after everything that he's seen and lost and been through, he should have retained some understanding that this is the world.

but he looks anyway, with as much dedication and hope as he does everything, and there is no one there other than scully to say stop. to say this is the truth. to say these are the facts.

there is no one there other than scully for him to run up against, and she sits calmly and holds onto him.

she tells him the truth, and she tells him something else, too. she tells him that his mother wanted to tell him to let go, that she wanted to "take away his pain."

which...maybe this is true, or rather, maybe scully believes this. but scully stood in the next room when his inquiries to his mother got him little more than a slap to the face.

scully watched on tape as tena signed her son over to the devil, a hospital pen in her hand and cigarette smoke framing her face. scully's heard this voice on an answering machine too, and she never got a response either.

there's so much pain in her face as she tells him, through tears, that his mother just wanted to take his away. her own version of shut eyes and a strategic spin, this is what she has to offer.

in the following scene, it's morning now, and scully answers the door with her hair frazzled, still wearing her blouse from the day before but not her blazer.

weary from a night spent confronting the punches of the world, she's visibly exhausted when she looks at skinner and says, "it's been a hard night for him."

when mulder comes to the door, she never moves from her place in front of him, blocking him in. (she has always shared him with the world only reluctantly). as skinner tells mulder that the mother of the missing little girl in california has something to say, and she will only talk to him.

sometimes, when the worst happens, you want the person with the most hopeful answer.

skinner tells him that he's booked them two flights, and after mulder nods and walks away to get ready, scully looks at her boss and tells him that he "better book three."

tough as nails!

3/ the erlenmeyer flask - "mulder? i just want to say that i was wrong."

this moment exemplifies so much of their relationship in season one, and this is my favorite MSR. baby-faced and curious and overjoyed to know each other. they are best friends.

no one else would run up behind him on the street and stop him to tell him they were wrong, and that they should have believed him. it means so much.

when she tells him that she should have just trusted his instincts, and he replies, "why? no one else does." and she just smiles at him...season one scully has found secret treasure no one knows about. she can't believe she's getting away with hiding him in the basement.

4/ paper hearts - "but i do know you"

it's about THE INHERENT GRIEF IN BEING NEEDED!! of course a paper hearts moment was going to land on this list somewhere. my attachment to this episode knows no bounds. i could bring it into anything.

paper hearts is an ahab and starbuck episode. mulder is more haunted than we ever see him, as he spends the hour grasping at ghosts. scully's place in this episode is everything that makes her role so important, as she tries to balance hope and rationality. this is their quest, and these are their skeletons.

earlier, when roche tells mulder that he just wants to see his face when he finds samantha's body, you hear scully exclaim "oh my god" before standing up and screaming at him, opening the door and just getting mulder out.

she tries to reason, she tries to rationalize, she tries to get him away from "the darkness", but when it comes down to it, she digs in the dirt next to him with her bare hands.

i love these little moments that they always share in the end, when it's all over. there's nothing more to be done. all that's left is a tattered scrap of fabric with weary eyes looking on. she just comes in to check on him.

she gives him the results of the labs on the last heart, how there's nothing to go on, and then she tells him that they will find who that last little girl was. when he asks how, she replies that she doesn't know, "but i do know you."

this is their quest. they will find all of the victims, give the families the answers that mulder so desperately wants for his own. she doesn't know how, she just knows him, and that's enough to believe.

when she tells him to "go on home and get some sleep," all he can do is laugh. after all of the heartache and tension in this episode, how brutally visceral the pain of it all is, it melts away in the incredulousness of her suggestion.

he flashes that smile and hugs her, "thank you" and "i'll be okay" at the same time

and she strokes his hair and stares at the floor.

the grief in being needed. (who would come make sure he's okay if she were gone?). the grief in following ghosts. (there has never been a more brutal reminder that samantha was more than the photo in that frame). the grief in loving someone so encased in pain and loss. (he will not go on home and get some sleep).

there's so much grief in being starbuck, in the end.

5/ how the ghosts stole christmas - "maybe i did wanna be out there with you"

is there any better representation of season 6 than hanging out with a movie after a night of some light murder/suicide plans?

this episode is just the best. and one of the things that makes it so good is that it's comedy is rooted in examination, in bringing mulder and scully's psyches into question and condemnation.

😭😭😭😭

having only christmas eve to keep up their reputation, our titular ghosts, lyda and maurice, are forced to resort to "pop psychology" to fulfill their haunting. they have no idea the gold mine that stumbled into their house this year.

instantly upon meeting, maurice WHACKS mulder, calling him "narcissistic," "overzealous," "self-righteous," and prone to obsessive compulsive antisocialism

a lonely man who considers himself passionate and misunderstood, but chases illusions in order to find warped meaning and significance

meanwhile, in the next room, scully is not safe from disturbance, as lyda calls out her "conflicted yearnings" and delusions of loyalty. the reason why she's "really here"- for the satisfaction of proving her partner wrong.

in the end, mulder and scully escape the house only by realizing that the ghosts don't actually have any power over them. it's all an illusion, it's not real, and lyda and maurice can't hurt them- or make them hurt each other.

but it doesn't stop them from internalizing the messages of their haunted house, and mulder spends christmas alone watching a christmas carol, as the scene opens on him listening to scrooge say the line, "i don't deserve to be so happy."

also unable to shake the events of the night, scully shows up

and asks if any of that was real. if it was just an illusion. which, always knowing when to back down on the need for belief, mulder gives her, agreeing with her that it must have just been in their heads. (folie a deux, she is always more comfortable in shared madness with him than with the world.)

after having been dragged out on christmas eve to look for ghosts, finding them, and then deciding that it was all shared delusion: she repeats back the insecurity that lyda gave her, "not that my only joy in life is proving you wrong."

but after coming inside, she betrays her true insecurity. responding to mulder's "when have you ever proved me wrong?" with "well...why else would you want me out there with you?"

why else would he want to spend christmas eve with her, why else would he want her with him, if not to play her role? if not to offer the "science and rationalism" that he told her, not too long ago, saves him?

"you didn't want to be there? oh, that's...self-righteous and narcissistic of me to say, isn't it?"

god, they are both so slow.

they both consider for a moment, these roles they play. these "subconscious desires" that they mask in their own personal pursuits. how easy it is to turn them against themselves, to expose their uncertainties and weaponize them.

before scully lands on, "no, i mean...maybe i did want to be out there with you.”

and they exchange the christmas presents they totally swore they weren't gonna get each other this year.

maybe they do just want to be out there together.

maybe it's not about grand perceptions of loyalty or meaning. maybe it's not about the parts that they play. maybe it's not about obligation or dependency. maybe they just want to.

#thank you again for the ask #lots of love #asks #kae meta #txf #msr #redux ii #sein und zeit #the erlenmeyer flask #paper hearts #how the ghosts stole christmas

[gffa]

With the knowledge that Anakin and Palpatine are ultimately to blame, how much responsibility do you think can be fairly attributed to Padme? If she had told someone, the Jedi wouldn't have been blindsided by Anakin's betrayal.

I've been thinking about this for awhile and it’s not something I think I can state with a lot of clarity because one thing I’m never sure of is the narrative’s intention when it comes to Padme’s knowledge, like what is she thinking when Anakin confesses that to her?  Like, what is the narrative intention of the film itself telling us about Padme’s character? We can speculate, that the narrative has her believing what Anakin tells her, that the Tuskens aren’t sentient beings.  That she just doesn’t care because Anakin’s pain is the one that tears at her heart and she wants to comfort him?  That she knows it was wrong, but she believes so strongly that Anakin can return from this, that he’ll put it behind him, and be a good person again?  (Supplementary material that may cover this is irrelevant to me right now, I’m focused on what the movie itself was trying to say about Padme.) Ultimately, I think what the narrative was trying to tell us about Padme is that she was someone who accepted Anakin’s faults and loved him regardless of them (and that this was not enough to save him, that it only made him more greedy to hold onto people, because only Anakin could have saved himself) and so I don’t really put much blame on her. Can you look at it through the lens of how Padme should have said something to Obi-Wan at the very least?  I’m not opposed to that, even if I can understand why she didn’t, because she wanted so badly to believe that Anakin had dealt with it, that he wasn’t that person at heart. But it’s also a story that has to come down to that it’s Anakin’s own choices that led to his fall, he is the central character of the story, Lucas’ commentary is all about how it was Anakin’s own possessiveness and greed to hold on, his inability to let go.  Padme’s character and reactions have to ultimately support that theme. Which is why I look at her character as someone who was written to be the perfect support for Anakin, the one who always soothed him, the one who knew all his secrets and never told anyone, the one who saw what he was capable of and stayed with him, because a) it shows that it wasn’t that Anakin lacked support or love, because she was right there the whole time and b) because that’s the whole point of their confrontation on Mustafar. Lucas says that, when she backs away, she’s recognizing him for the person he is, that he is this greedy person that she can’t be with.  She has to support Anakin up to that point to make the reveal hit that, oh, Anakin is choosing this himself and he is truly fallen. That’s the narrative of Star Wars, I don’t think she can tell anyone, not just because “well, then we wouldn’t get to the OT”, but also because that’s not her function in the role of the story, which is to be rather blindly in love with Anakin (the same way Obi-Wan and Ahsoka were rather blinded by their love for him and their belief in him), to provide the perfect support for him and illustrate that it was never about not having people who supported him, but that Anakin was unable to overcome his own flaws. So much of my Star Wars viewing experience is through the prism of “How does this serve the themes?” that I get that I probably don’t have a lot of satisfying answers for some people, because that’s what Star Wars really kind of is, that was a huge point of so much of what Lucas was doing with it and, in my experience, if you want to have a good time with SW, you have to learn to roll with the narrative intentions being a thing.  Whether you agree with them or not, you have to be able to at least roll with them because otherwise it’s going to lead to a really frustrating time! I think it could be really interesting to explore the idea of Padme’s lack of saying anything to anyone, there have been times when I’ve definitely been on that train in the past!  And I generally come down to the idea that she genuinely believed that Anakin wasn’t a danger to anyone else, that he was a good person and would do the right thing when the time came, so even when she doesn’t tell anyone about the Tuskens or doesn’t tell anyone about how he’s having dreams again, she genuinely believes that it will be all right, that he’ll come through. So, I guess at the end of the day, I don’t really put blame on Padme because I don’t think her character was allowed to ever have told anyone, that’s not who she was in the story, and that Anakin’s choices have to be squarely on his own shoulders, just as his choice to come back has to be squarely on him as well. (Now, if we were talking about the story on a Doylist level about how Lucas wrote Padme, then that’s a whole other completely different discussion and entirely separate from this discussion.)

#anakin skywalker #padme amidala #anidala for blacklist #meta

[felice-jaganshi]

His Pet

Chapter 14

Alastor x OC

Content warning: mention of potential SA and minor acephobia.

He sat on her bed, rocking her back and forth until she had calmed down. He was extremely troubled by today's events.

“Darling… I'm certain you're very tired from all of today's activities, but I need you to answer something for me before I let you rest.”

She nodded, staying silent as she clung to him.

“Darling, I'll never judge or blame you for things that happened against your will, but I must know… what did Valentino do to you?” He needed to know how badly he had failed her. How bad the damage done was.

 

She shook her head, “He only hurt me. He didn't… he tried but I fought back and I tried to rip his throat out, but he moved, so I missed and got his wing. He thought if I bled enough I'd be easier to handle. But… my blood is gold so… he freaked out. I was able to run, and hide. Took a chunk of wing with me.”

 

“Do you remember scratching me?” He held out his hand to her. She looked confused and took it.

“I did this? I… hurt you?” She kissed the marks gently. “I don't remember that, I'm sorry.” He smiled and pet her head.

“I forgive you. It was my own fault for approaching you in such a state. You bit my shoulder too, should I be glad you didn't rip my throat out?” He was teasing her now.

 

“No, I was more in control then. That one was on purpose. Just an affection bite. Something I used to do with my old partner. You're a lot like them. Please don't abandon me like they did… I know I'm useless and weird and broken, but please… I can't handle being on my own.” She started sobbing, the action taking over her whole body, her ears laying flat to her skull.

 

“Useless and broken… is that how your partner made you feel? And you dare compare me to them?” He sounded irritated. “You have been nothing but useful to me. Maybe a bit of a hassle at times, but certainly not boring at least! And broken? What about you could possibly be considered broken?” He asked, and began petting her head and hair in long slow strokes.

 

“I'm… because I couldn't… something that happened when I was… because I can't- because I'm Ace!” She was struggling to say the words. This was something that had bothered her her whole life. And even in death, her past trauma was still fucking with her! He frowned, remembering what she had said that term meant, and given the context she was struggling to give, he was able to paint a few potential pictures of what she was trying to say.

 

“My dearest… that does not make you any more broken than it does me. I don't have any interest in those activities either. So you are not broken in the slightest. And anyone who has made you feel as such is a filthy pervert undeserving of your attentions or affections. Is that also how your ex partner made you feel?”

“N-no… they were also ace… but they were always frustrated with my inability to care for myself in other ways. I always had to be told what to do and how to do it. Always living life in a daze half in my head… I just wanted to write my stories… but I acted too much like a child for an adult woman… so… they wanted their independence back.” 

 

She looked up at him.

“Well, I can certainly understand a desire for independence.” She stiffened in his arms. “Shh, shh.. but I would never abandon a soul in my care. You are mine, and I will never leave you. I…” He took a breath, was he a man or was he not? Why were these words so hard for him?! “I. Love you too. I mean it.” There! It was true enough, it might not be in the same way she felt for him, but how else could he describe this bond if not ‘love’? “Just don't expect me to say it often.”

“Al… can I kiss you?” He froze, he felt hot and cold at the same time.

“I… don't think that's a good idea.”

“Just on the forehead?” She asked next, trying to find his boundaries, it seemed.

“I… suppose that would be acceptable.” He didn't sound terribly certain though.

She put her hands on his shoulders and sat up in his lap, she gently kissed his forehead, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away and sitting in his lap with a smile. Well, that wasn't so bad… It was actually somewhat pleasant. 

“Thank you. For everything. You are my special person. I hope one day I can be considered your partner.” He thought for a moment before kissing her on the forehead back. That.. also didn't feel terrible.  

“That actually doesn't sound so bad… you could read your stories on my broadcasts, and we'll call you the Radio Angel. That would certainly scare enough sinners into leaving you alone at least. But for the next while, until you're strong enough to be an overlord yourself, I don't want you heading out without my personal escort. If I can't even count on Nifty to protect you, how can I count on anyone else?” He pulled her tight to his chest. “I will not lose my most important treasure. Not now that I've finally found it.” She purred in his arms, closing her eyes and falling asleep, feeling safe and loved.

Angel knocked on the door, “Hey, they said only I was allowed in. Mind if I do?” 

“You may join us. She just fell asleep.” Alastor called out. Angel entered the room.

“Damn… so she really is an angel. No wonder she's sweet as sugar.” He frowned and looked at her in Al's lap. “What did Big V do to her?” He seemed scared of the answer, and Alastor respected him for his concern. 

“Just a few cuts and bruises. At least that's what she told me. I'm hoping you can confirm. Being a brother figure to her, she might feel more comfortable telling you if he touched her in other ways. I want to believe her, but better safe than sorry.” 

Angel nodded, “Yeah, once she's up, I can have a talk with her. I'll help run her a nice bubble bath too. That usually helps me feel better after… Well, we don't have to talk about lil’ ol’ me. Mind if I take a seat and wait for her to wake up?”

Alastor nodded, “Her chair is at the desk. I'll keep holding her, she's likely to protest if I try to leave her like this.”

“Heh, look at that. The radio demon does have a heart. Good.” He got comfortable in the chair, pulling it close to the bed. “I won't tell anyone, promise.”

#hazbin hotel #alastor's pet #alastor x oc #ace alastor #alastor #alastor x reader #aroace alastor #platonic alastor x reader

[buhtercups]

The Alphabet with Ollie Ramses (Dislyte)

(Disclosure: These are mainly my headcanons; they are not canon as of the date of publication; Any canon notations will be noted.)

A = Affection

Yeah...about that... 😅

Ollie has a cactus personality, prickly and harsh...so he doesn't have a clue about being affectionate and doesn't have a desire to be affectionate.

He will show you how he truly feels through his actions. Acts of service are his love language. He doesn't need to be physically affectionate to show he cares.

Accepting affection? If he knows you like it, he will accept the affection even if it feels weird to him...

"Ollie may appear to be arrogant to some, but that's just a façade he puts up to hide his real feelings. His walls are intentionally high to protect himself."- Dislyte Official Canon

B = Babies

"Ironically, he himself does not like children because of their self-centeredness and their inability to communicate rationally." - Dislyte Official Canon

Ollie doesn't believe he is good with kids and doesn't seem to have a desire to have any. But his older sister notices how well he does with their adopted sibling(?) Anita...

C = Cuddles

When first getting to know someone, he would cringe at the idea of cuddling since he's not the most affectionate person (as just mentioned).

Once he gets to know his romantic partner and trusts them, he would be willing to make them happy with cuddles if that's what they would want.

He would prefer for his partner to initiate cuddles because it just feels so awkward to him...but that could change! It could?

D = Domestic

Aquarians, like Ollie, have close relationships with their family members. Family members are very precious to them, but they don't show it openly. People they spend time with, including family members, are expected to be intelligent and trustworthy.

If Ollie trusts his lover enough, he will welcome them into his family...After all, his ideal partner will become his refuge (he has a whole song about this).

E = Ending

If he decided that things weren't working out, Ollie would be honest and say that he doesn't love you anymore. He would be willing to try and make things work if you wanted to, however.

If you break up with him, he would try to understand but he would beg you to try and work things out with him. If you didn't want to, he would accept your decision but would be heartbroken.

If his partner cheated on him, he would immediately want to end things and it would be a very long time before trusting someone again with his heart...He would never forgive his ex for the betrayal and would want nothing more to do with them.

He would never cheat in a committed relationship. He would rather be honest and end things than betray someone he loves/loved.

F = Fiance(e)

Ollie would be anxious in deciding on the right time to propose. He would seek the advice of his friends and family to decide what to do.

It would take a long time for him to open himself enough to want to settle down with the right partner...

G = Gentle

Gentle with children because he views them as fragile and delicate. Anyone else, no he is not. He is respectful and slightly gentle with elderly people, however.

H = Hugs

No. He isn't big on them. Will tolerate hugs and/or cuddles if it's family or his partner...

He would hug someone in his family or his partner who was in great distress or upset...

I = Issue(s)

Ollie very likely has PTSD. He was kidnapped as a child (this was discussed in the original storyline) and he saw his father assassinated by Leon (either he saw the murder or he found his dead father?).

J = Jealousy

If he isn't in a committed relationship, he doesn't care. He is undecided about you anyways...

If he's in a committed relationship, he absolutely gets jealous if you or the other person are a little too friendly or flirtatious with each other and will openly let the other person know to back off.

K = Kisses

Despite not being experienced, kisses from Ollie are one of a kind. His soft green lips will transport you to heaven...

L = Love

Ollie doesn't fall in love that easily. Once he decides to fully trust over time, then he can make a decision about loving someone.

When Ollie decides that someone is going to be his romantic partner, he will view them as his escape from the world; his refuge. He will put them on a pedestal above everyone else.

M = Morning

Ollie isn't a morning person. But he will wake up in the morning if he needs to (work, breakfast, morning sex, etc.)

N = Night

Ollie is more of a night person so he will be more active in the afternoon and night...he can also dress in disguise and go out more when it's night than in the daytime.

O = Open

Once again, no way. Ollie is not an open person. He is very reserved and defensive. He has a prickly personality like a cactus.

He will only open up to those he knows and trusts. And it takes a lot to get him to open up.

P = Patience

He can be patient, but he does get frustrated at times with waiting or by how long something takes...

Q = Quizzes

According to Drew, Ollie is very bright and excelled at school. He would pass any quiz with flying colors. He demonstrates a profound knowledge of chemistry during the original story arc...

R = Remember

Ollie remembers everything...

S = Sugar

Ollie likes sweet things but isn't obsessed by them or anything...

T = Talk

Ollie isn't talkative unless it's someone he knows and trusts.

U = Usual

He is usually reserved and keeps to himself. He likes to wear disguises to stay as anonymous as possible despite who he is...

V = Vanity

Ollie is aware of his good looks, but isn't bothered about it. He isn't vain in the slightest.

W = Wonder

"Ollie habitually adjusts his glasses when he's deep in thought." - Dislyte canon

Occasionally, when Ollie is alone with his thoughts, his mind will wonder many things ...why things happened, what could have been, why he was born, etc...

He tries to resist the urge since he'd rather be productive than be stuck in his thoughts.

X = X-Rated

Ollie does have X-Rated thoughts and dreams but he will only share them with a partner he truly loves and trusts...

He is a 20 year old man of course he has wet dreams and the like...*Cough cough*

Y = Yuck

"Ollie has always hated how the members of the upper class in Debia treated those they employed. He himself treats everyone as an equal, including staff members in his household. No matter your upbringing, one should always treat others with respect.

Ollie did not have many friends growing up. His family’s status led to a small social circle, and many of his peers did not meet his moral standards. He was often shunned for his eccentricity." - Official Dislyte canon

Ollie doesn't like arrogant or condescending people. He was from one of the wealthiest families in Debia but believed everyone was equal and didn't treat anyone differently because of status. He judges people by character.

Z = Zodiac

"The Aquarius-born people are humanitarians to the core. They are a progressive and modern... Broad-minded and creative, they are the real truth-seekers."

(^ source)

#dislyte #fan post #alphabet #ollie dislyte #dislyte ollie #ollie ramses #unofficial #should I do more of these with other fandom characters?

[bookwyrm35]

My rant about how complicatedly beautiful Locklyle is:

(Disclaimer: this was written at 3 am and I tend to get weirdly poetic in the wee hours. 🤷‍♀️ Just so you know.)

Let us begin with our components of this ship: Lucy Carlyle and Anthony Lockwood. Lucy comes from a home practically devoid of love. Her father is gone, her mother might as well be, and every sister (save possibly Mary) has left her life completely. When she went to London, she was searching stability, shelter and yes, she got that but she also got so much more. She found a family. She found friendship. She found love.

That, in my book is such a vital part of any relationship. Before you are anything else (not more because romance is not above platonic, but simply different), you must have friendship. It might sound cheesy or a little weird but it is true. And it was true for them.

It is important, when analyzing Lockwood and Co. characters, to remeber that Lucy, as much as we love her, is an unrediable narrator. She tells us what she notices and nothing more. As the books go on you can see her dwelling on Lockwood's description, going into more detail of how he looks, how he acts, she even starts to catagorize his smiles. It's slow and she'll never be caught dead admitting it, but you can see how her attraction to him grows and for once I love it. One, because the girl doesn't even notice and two, because it's natural. The pace they move at can be seen by others as miniscule and tortuous, but to me it is right. If there is to be romance, let it be done slowly. Let it be shown at the pace of opening spring and with the steps of shaky feet.

Turning to her counterpart in Lockwood, the first thing I would like to address is his focus. His ambition and drive, though seemingly strictly personal at first, is another vital thing I think plays into the masterpiece that is their relationship. He (for reasons you know if you've read the books) is laser focused on doing his job as an agent and doing it well. His country is plauged by a scourge and he will stop at nothing to alleviate the pain is brings. His whole life since...well, spoilers, has been devoted to fighting the dead, removing their spirits and doing it with flair. But then... along comes this Listener, this girl named Lucy, and everything changes. Suddenly he finds himself with his attention spilt, his once single mindedness gone like it never existed. For the first time in so, so long he thinks about something outside the Problem. This is all speculation, mere drivel on my part, but I truly belive that Lucy changed Lockwood in a way no one else could. She grounds him, gives him a reason to live beyond the next case. She becomes like his sun, a beacon of hope and light he can always turn back to.

I've heard people say that Lockwood fell first but Lucy fell harder. I think that fits. Though we don't see it clearly through Lucy's eyes, from the moment they met, Lockwood would do anything for her. Even when he barely knew her, he gave her his childhood room, a place in his home, his agency and his heart. He never pushed her to talk about her past, never took her Talents for granted, always tried to make sure she felt she belonged. He won't realize until much later, but I think he fell for her before she even accepted the job.

What about Lucy though? Why do people say that she fell harder? I can't say much, don't want to give away anything to those who have yet to read the books, but just know that she would do anything, anything, to keep Lockwood safe. Even if it meant torture and pain and loneliness beyond belief, if she thought it would help him-she would do it. She loves him so much, and she doesn't even realize it.

But does this devotion, the immediate connection make void the point I just made about things needing to be slow? No, because of the ever important detail of their ignorance. It is this inability to make that connection that I find so endearing, even nigh amusing. Anyone else could have told them they love each other, but the fact that they can't see it is delicious to me. It makes them act like fumbling fools, but they're teenagers. What do you expect? Their world is dark and dreary and full of death, but they have each other, and to them that's enough.

I think another reason I love Locklyle is because they never delude themselves into believing they're the only two people on this earth that matter. Never is there a moment where they shut out their friends in favor of being with the other. George (and later a few other characters) are so dear to them, and you never doubt that. Lucy and Lockwood have a special connection, that cannot be denied, but it is never put above thier friendships with others. Like I said before, romance is not more. It is simply different.

#save lockwood and co #bring back lockwood and co #lockwood and co #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #locklyle #george karim #renew lockwood and co #DisneyForLockwoodandCo #lockwood and co books

[recurring-polynya]

If you could pick just six Bleach characters for the story to focus on, who would they be?

Not sure how anyone could ask me this and think the answer was not going to be the Six Hearts crew, but the answer is, in fact, the Six Hearts crew.

For the most part, I really like Bleach the way it is. I am not a beefer with canon. At least for the first half to two-thirds of it, I find that Bleach has just about an optimal mix of main character focus to interesting side character ratio. I like that it sprawls. I like that a lot of side characters have really rich and interesting back stories that the main narrative gives you little bites of, but leaves the rest to the imagination and/or filler materials. I like stories that give you a lot of space to write fanfiction.

Now, the back half of the Winter War and nearly all of the TYBW did, in my opinion, sprawl too much. The Fake Karakura Town arc used up all my patience with the pillar fights and I spent the rest of it going "get back to Hueco Mundo, already." I definitely would have liked the TYBW to focus more on the core group of characters.

On the whole, though, I like that core the way it is. To be honest, it wouldn't be Bleach in any other way.

Ichigo is the heart of Bleach. His struggles are the themes of the narrative. He is not an everyman character. He is someone who cares so much about the world that he wants to save everyone, but at the same time, he understands and fears the weight of that obligation. His ability to empathize with his enemies-- his inability not to-- is what sets him apart from every other shounen protagonist.

Sometimes I see fanfic where someone else gets stabbed and given shinigami powers other than Ichigo and it's always worse. The only character I accept being swapped in for him is Orihime, and, frankly, that only works in a fanfiction, meta-narrative context, primarily because you need a much better depth of character to be a really good love interest, and I don't think Ichigo has what it takes. Orihime does, though! All of the forces in Bleach pull Ichigo toward the path of battle, but Orihime's stalwart pacifism and unwavering belief in him are the strings that tie him to the world, that keep him human.

I suppose you could swap out one of Ichigo's other school friends for some other member of the Six Hearts crew and probably have it still be okay, but I wouldn't, because their existing dynamic is perfect to me. Uryuu is Ichigo's Classic Shounen foil, but he legitimately challenges him constantly and forces him to think critically about what he's doing. Chad is so full of love and heart and birds land on him like a Disney princess. He is there to balance everyone else's manic energy, except that he's only marginally more thoughtful than the rest of them, so he does not interfere with the general air of stupidity. A lot of people wish Tatsuki had gotten powers. While I don't love the way she is sort of left hanging, I am not sure that she would improve the dynamic. Perhaps it's because she isn't given powers, but she always seems to represent fear to me, the sort of bad-side of attachments that prevents the sorts of leaps of faith the other characters are so inclined towards. The Six Hearts crew being made up of objectively smart people who make absolutely idiotic decisions based on their hearts is the crux of Bleach, and I think Tatsuki brings sort of a rational energy that really dampens the mood.

Rukia is Rukia. Rukia is The Character of All Time. Rukia is the catalyst that sets all else in motion. The other reason that I don't really like Bleach main character swaps is because the decision to illegally give all her powers to some kid she just met, using a maneuver that she probably read in the appendix of a textbook somewhere and involves stabbing him is not a thing most people would do. It is a thing Rukia would do. The way Rukia trains Ichigo and the things she expects from him and the things she expects from herself and from Soul Society are fundamental to the narrative. Rukia stays.

There are many people that would argue for swapping Renji out of the core cast, but I think, for the sake of Rukia's character, it is absolutely essential that there's another shinigami character along for the ride. Rukia is friends with the Karakura kids, but she is not one of them. She is not a teen. She is an undead adult who has deep ties to Soul Society and the Gotei. The culmination of her character arc all ties to Soul Society: becoming vice-captain and then captain, making bankai, earning her brother's acceptance, reconciling with her childhood friend/love interest. Several of the anime filler arcs have her living in Ichigo's closet again and hanging out with the kids, and I think her character suffers for that.

Anyway, thinking over other shinigami characters, there's no one I would pick over Renji. He fits right into the rest of the crew, both powers and personality-wise. He's cool and strong and good-looking, but he's also a simp for Rukia, and Rukia deserves that. Also, he's a high-ranking Gotei officer, which is often convenient for plot purposes. Most importantly, he is my chief blorbo and I love him, the end.

#six hearts beat as one

[backgroundbaker]

Midnight: Fic 5 for @remadoramicrofics

Content warning for some mild swearing and the during-HBP-setting on this one

.............

It's midnight on Christmas day, or maybe that makes it Boxing day. She had spent Christmas working, happy to take the increased holiday pay and the promise of a distraction from the festivities. Unfortunately, it had been so dull that she hadn't really been able to keep her mind away from the Burrow and Christmas and him. She should have gone to her parents, but she knew they'd have a barrage of questions for her that she didn't fancy answering. Her plan was to pop round for dinner at some point on New Year's Eve instead, though this was also so she could have an excuse not to celebrate it with her friends or colleagues or anyone else.

She brushes her teeth whilst sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, staring at the peeling plaster on the opposite wall. It's an incredibly boring piece of plaster and she can't stop her mind from drifting to things it shouldn't - mainly what her day might have been like had she accepted Molly's invitation to dinner. Would people have fussed over her and her dull brown hair? Would they have been awkward about her awkwardness, her inability to laugh and joke like she used to? Would she have coped with all the people? Would she have behaved around him?

She doesn't like the picture she paints in her head, yet she can't help but long for it. She misses the old normal and the old her, before everything turned to shit. Of course she knew that in war situations can change for the worse in the blink of an eye, and part of her is angry at herself for reacting so strongly to it. Why can't she just get on with it like everyone else. It was embarrassing really, that little miss auror was taking everything so much harder than the rest of them. It was positively shameful that such a huge part of her misery was caused by a bloody pig headed man, who she may or may not have driven to a suicide mission (she was unaware that her love would be that awful) and who she still loved so deeply it hurt.

Her mind was wandering too far now, it always did at midnight. She schooled herself to start thinking about the positives of the day. Hogwarts was beautiful in the snow, and as most parents no longer felt safe leaving their children there for the holidays, she'd had the grounds pretty much to herself. She had enjoyed a lovely catch up with Professor Sprout after breakfast and spent some time feeding the thestrals. No student had been cursed by a mysterious object, which was a big win these days. Dawlish had taken a whole week off for the holidays so he wasn't around to annoy her. So, all in all, she couldn't complain too much about her Christmas.

...........

Remus was lying awake on the bed Molly had given to him for the evening. It was midnight, Boxing day, and he was allowing himself one last sleep in comfort before returning to the packs. The problem was, he couldn't actually sleep. The mattress was comfy and the room was pleasantly warm, but neither of those things could overcome his racing thoughts.

He couldn't keep Tonks out of his mind. If he was being honest, he had never stopped thinking about her and he wasn't trying particularly hard to fight it either. It had gotten worse when he arrived at the Burrow, with Molly playing those stupid love songs all Christmas Eve. He had spent that evening secretly hoping that Tonks would show up at dinner the next day. Obviously, she didn't, but that didn't stop her name being thrown around the table, nor did it stop Harry asking questions about her damn wolf patronus. He was actually grateful when Percy and the Minister turned up and the room descended into family drama, whilst Scrimgeour whisked Harry away.

Now he was thinking about her again. It didn't help that he had been given Charlie's old room to stay in, and that Charlie had littered his walls and surfaces with photos of his Hogwarts friends. Remus had done the same when he was at school, but he hadn't been friends with Tonks, who appeared in many of Charlie's photographs. Most of them moved and he felt uncomfortably like she was staring at him, watching him from all directions with a smile on her face. (Seeing old school pictures of her, that weren't really all that old, should have been an encouragement for him to stop thinking about her, but it only made her feel inescapable.)

Even when he closes his eyes, his mind plays out fantasies for him where they're together. They aren't always the inappropriate variety of fantasy - though sometimes they are - mostly he just imagines himself being happy with her, having a normal life with her by his side. Or he relives those early order missions last year, where they worked so well together. She's called Dora in his mind, the name she allowed him to use when he said Tonks felt too impersonal. He lets these scenarios with Dora play out, he enjoys them and savours them, knowing they could never be real. He feels a bit guilty about that, especially as he had told Tonks to forget him and stop thinking about him. But he reckons that he can't stop her if she does think of him and so no-one can stop him thinking of her either. Not even him. Not even when it's midnight and he really should be sleeping.

#remadora #nymphadora tonks #remus lupin #remadora microfics

[shyvioletcat]

"I love Aelin. It's always going to be Aelin" Prompt for unrequited love

I wrote this on my phone so it’s probably flawed and it’s so small I’m not going to bother with the tags, because tagging is a feat that’s not worth it on a small device.

~~~~~

Rowan told himself that his happiness wasn’t dependent on her. He said those words to himself more times than he could count. Aelin Galathynius was a force of nature, a whirlwind of light and warmth that it was hard not to get swept up by. When she came into a room she lit it up, drawing everyone to her with that swaggering charm that on anyone else would be unbearable. On her though, it made her endearing, at least it was for Rowan. So no, his happiness did not depend on her, but some days it certainly felt like it did.

Some days when he was a broody bastard she was the one to pull him out of it. Aelin was the one to make him smile or laugh and made the bleak world seem that much brighter. It was no wonder he’d fallen in love with her.

The problem for Rowan was that Aelin was in love with someone else. Sam wasn’t a terrible guy, in fact he was a pretty decent man. There was a charming sweetness to him that had caught Aelin’s attention and one thing led to another and now they were together. Rowan wasn’t sweet. No one would ever describe him as so. Just one of his many failings.

Another was his inability to stop staring unhappily at the happy couple while they danced. Luckily, Rowan was hidden in a booth at the back of the bar so they weren’t going to notice him as he imagined it was him spinning Aelin instead of Sam. That it was him holding Aelin close as the song changed to something slower.

Someone slid into the booth next to him and Rowan quickly looked down at his beer. From the heavy sigh from the man next to him Rowan knew he’d been caught.

“Maybe it’s time you moved on,” Lorcan said. “Stop mooning over a woman who’s already taken.”

“I’m not mooning, I don’t moon. That’s Fen’s job,” Rowan deflected.

Lorcan wasn’t deterred though. “Whatever you want to call it. It needs to stop.”

Rowan knew his friend was right but he was far too stubborn to admit it. Just then Aelin laughed, Sam obviously saying something she had found amusing, and Rowan couldn’t help but smile himself at the sound.

“There are plenty of other women out there,” Lorcan said. “That one there isn’t the be all and end all.”

Rowan shook his head. Somewhere in some corner of his brain he appreciated his friend’s effort to try and convince him that Aelin needn’t be what made him whole and happy. It was useless because Rowan’s heart spoke louder and had already convinced him otherwise. Rowan could not deny the truth.

"I love Aelin. It's always going to be Aelin,” Rowan said with a surprising amount of conviction. “And the best I can do is to accept that this is what makes her happy.”

That was it. He may not be happy, but he sure as hell would make sure that Aelin was. And if that meant she needed to be with Sam and not him… Well, Rowan could learn to live with that.

[iyliss]

thanks. do you know the connection between being traumatized and needing more power for saiou in s4? like before mizuchi got kidnapped since it was to manipulate him? what was he going to use that power for (destinymaxxing)?

P.S. i was confoused when mizuchi said saiou would be happier if he had no powers/ became a normal human in 171? wasnt the problem that people were scared of them???//

Explaining Saiou's behavior in s4 is a little messy but also incredibly interesting to me so sorry in advance for how long will it take...

The first thing I'd like to point out is that I don't really think Saiou is right in claiming people were scared just for his power. Given how Judai and Johan were treated (bad, but still better), and that Saiou and Mizuchi both have social struggle beyond the use of their power, I think there is more to their isolation than just a general rejection. It's hard to tell if they have horrible social skills because of the isolation, or if they were isolated because of their inability to communicate but still. I don't think it was as simple as "power = evil" to every adult around them.

And yet Saiou seems to believe it was their power alone, that if they weren't there they would be accepted. At the same time, it protected and maybe saved them. I'm not sure Saiou could have gone far if he hadn't met Edo, and even then how would two young kids survive alone... Except their powers also furthered that isolation. When he says "I saw people and their heart as cards", he can mean many thing, but one of them is that he ends up only seeing reality through the filter of his predictions and people as the cards moving around on the table. Also I like the idea that the more he uses his power, the harder it is for him to connect to the present time.

At the same time, it's a struggle between safety and freedom. Knowing the future mean he can have a little bit of hope, and protection, especially in a world where they can't rely on anyone. It also mean his future is set in stone and he has no choice to follow his own prediction.

This is the setting for Saiou's desire to no longer have his power. He thinks that, without them, he'll be able to properly view people as people and connect to them like they do with one another, while not having the binds of a fore-told future.

Except he can't really just return to having a normal life like that. As I said, it's likely his isolation was caused by something else than just powers. And even then it's impossible to repair so much damage in little time, if at all. And then: Mizuchi is kidnapped. Something Saiou could have seen and maybe prevented if he had his powers. Not only is the hope he had about a normal life without them crushed, but he realize the safety he lost. So, if he can't have the "normal life" he wished for, he can at least get powers again so he doesn't have to live in fear. It's not about what he use them for, but about having something to hold onto.

In a way, it's similar to dependency/toxic cycles built through traumatic situation. Telling the future hurts Saiou in many ways, but it's the only thing that kept him going for a long time. He eventually has to break free of it, but it leaves him alone and scared without the one thing that brought him a sense of safety.

And overall, I love taking that duel as a general display of reaction to PTSD. Without talking about Judai, Saiou has only been out of danger for about a year (before that it was either the light, poverty, possibly abuse, who knows what else). This whole time he hoped that, once the danger is out, he'll be able to be happy and at peace. But he can't truly feel safe without the binds he has grown used to, and he can't see how to repair all that it destroyed. So, he wants to go back to what he knows even if it hurts himself and others.

Actually I'm not sure it helped but I hope it gave a little sense to Saiou's behavior in s4. (And thank you for the ask nothing brings me joy like having an excuse to spend way too long talking about Saiou ♥).

#yugioh gx #gx #saiou takuma #sartorius kumar #long post