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starrynightsxo · 4 months

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"The three of you have one solution to every problem. Murder. No key fits every lock.” ... “Someone tries to betray the High King, murder. Someone gives you a harsh look, murder. Someone disrespects you, murder. Someone ruins your laundry, murder."

- Cardan Greenbriar, The Queen of Nothing

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ode-to-fury · 10 months

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I think people are not understanding that to get Astarion’s approval up you don’t have to be mean you just have to be chaotic. The man is a toddler let loose off his leash for the first time in 200 years he doesn’t care about being mean he cares about being funny

#like yeah he would approve if you punched a child in act 1 but not because its mean because its so out of pocket #he gets to make his own choices for the first time he can remember and he’s using that freedom to start a career as a slapstick comedian #bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #astarion

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the-chat-who-got-the-cream · 11 months

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the absurdity of some of the lines in the finale have been rotating in my head like a rotisserie chicken and IM NOT EVEN FINISHED-

#ml #miraculous ladybug #miraculous adventures of ladybug and chat noir #miraculous ladybug spoilers #miraculous ladybug season 5 #ml s5 spoilers #ml s5 finale #mlb #ml the last day #ml conformation #screaming and crying rn #marinette dupain cheng #gabriel agreste #gabriel: make sure he remembers how good of a father i was :')))#marinette: ur lying. ur actually joking rn. ur doing a lil haha aren't u #marinette: u lil jokster. funny guy. gabriel agreste. what a comedian.#marinette: u should add clown to your obituary right after shitty dad #marinette: glad to know pancakes aren't the only joke you can make

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linoyes · 1 month

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lee know in every skz code - ep 13

#me fighting the urge to gif everything he says.. hes a comedian ur honor #*#*lino #*lksc #*21 #lee know #lee minho #stray kids #skz #skz code #bystay #staydaily #linosource #gagwanzsource #staysource #idk abt this coloring i tried my best...

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izel-scribbles · 5 days

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malevolent doodles because i am NOT coping with part 42 (spoilers)

manifesting a suit of armor for arthur bc he deserves to not get killed

human john. falls off the stage and dies

orthor - i got lazy with the face lmao

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xoalsox · 6 months

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taemin doing an impression of jonghyun (x)

#taemin #jonghyun #saw this going around on twt again....might have watched it at least 20 times in a row #when i tell you that taemin is the funniest person in the world...seeing how funny he is now u might agree but let me tell u about taemin #BACK THEN...he would normally be just a quiet little guy but then he would literally do the craziest thing out of nowhere and leave everyon #in shambles (me especially. also jonghyun as you can see in the video above)#anyway his impression of jjong's manner of speaking is so funny bc it is SO ON POINT im literally tearing up watching this again now #also look at jonghyun GIGGLING .#honestly posting this for myself specifically so i can go back when i need to laugh for a bit....#ltm a comedian first a singer dancer artist second

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batrachised · 1 month

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man I have my problems with catholicism but it really went off when it came to saints, it's like "do you wanna hear a story about a funny little guy who likely had something diagnosable :)" and each time I'm like "hell yeah, tell me all about that funny little guy" and then you'll hear the most bat shit crazy biography ever, that ends with "and because he froze to death, this is why we've decided that guy is the patron saint of cold drinks"

#St Lawrence was literally roasted to death #and he's the the patron saint of comedians #because while being roasted over the fire he told the guard “turn me over; I'm done on this side :)”

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crunchycrystals · 1 month

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shout out to vic michaelis for their presentation in the smartypants premiere that made me do so much research about vegetables and hawaiian colonization around 5 minutes after i watched a guy say spiderman should say every racial slur

#crunchyposts #both are equally valuable to me if im being serious that was very useful research and also demi's presentation made me cackle so hard #smartypants #i really like this show can you tell lol #anyways after this research i CAN confirm the dole company comes from hawaiian colonization #and botanists dont think vegetables are real but chefs do #i cant find anything on dole vegetable marketing yet all i get are fucking. dole website shit ab their vegetables #100 #150 #btw this is not me calling demi just some guy hes such a good comedian i just wrote this on impulse so my brain wasnt clear #200

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holyvirgilscriptures · 9 months

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jonathan catching byler making out is less about wanting to kill mike for hurting will (out of character and wrong!) and more about him wanting to kill himself after seeing his younger brother stick his tongue down his childhood best friend's throat (real and relatable content!)

#it's like a comedian joke #jonathan walks into a room and sees byler indecent and making out #and he walks out the room and off a cliff #jonathan byers #byler #virgil.scripture

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pollyna · 8 months

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Mav is the type of person who, after turning 40, starts responding to everyone younger than him with phrases like "Yeah, when I was younger, it wasn't done like that," "during my times, you," or "kid, after all the life I lived." To which Ice swiftly responds with something like to a christ's sake: "Your times? "Do you mean last week?"

#he is a real comedian #tom iceman kazansky #pete maverick mitchell #icemav

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whewchilly · 2 months

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carlossainz55 My road to recovery 😂😂😂 and a little tribute to the people that made this weekend happen. Now time to get back training, in good shape and prepare the next few races. THANK YOU!

#he is a comedian #carlos sainz jr #cs ig

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ghouljams · 2 months

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Ok this is the little fae!Soap/fae!Ghost/Love piece I was working on that was getting away from me. Disaster throuple, but in a wholesome sort of way.

Soap is good with the baby. Of course Ghost knew he would be, trusted Soap with his life, but it was still reassuring to see him so gentle with the little flower. Bouncing the baby in his arms with a grin, wiggling his fingers until she grabs at them. It’s sort of domestic. Ghost hasn’t had a house this full in, well, not since Tommy was alive.

“When dae ya think her petals are gonna come in?” Soap asks. You shrug, run your fingers along the baby’s brow. It’s not exactly strange, but- Ghost doesn’t know, can’t put a name to the feeling. Soap fits into life with you both so easily. He’s never seen the man trade ties so easily with anyone outside of their circle. Even you had commented on how quickly he was able to cross the flat's threshold.

“Who knows. She’s just a bud, she’s got plenty of time,” You lean to kiss the baby’s forehead, hardly bothered by Soap holding her. That’s another thing that’s surprised Ghost. You’re not standoffish by any stretch of the word, in fact he’s used the phrase “overly friendly” to describe you too many times, but you’re not this touchy with everyone. Your personal space bubble seems to include Soap the same way it includes him.

“Aye, suppose that’s right,” Soap hums. You tickle Karma's tummy, kissing her little fingers when they grab for you. You look up at Soap, then over his shoulder to meet Ghost's eye, Ghost feels a strange spark of... something in his chest. Not jealousy exactly, but something cousin to it.

It's enough to make Ghost step towards the couch, to settle his hand on Soap's head before leaning in to kiss you. You tip your head back for him and Ghost feels you smile against his lips. Nothing to worry about, you're as sweet and pliant as always. Your lips move against his with a softness Ghost has only ever had in his dreams, pulling back to murmur a quick "love you" against his mouth before your attention is turned back to the baby.

Ghost ruffles Soap's hair, tipping his head back with a gentle tug to get the Scot smiling. “‘Bout time you learned how to change a diaper Johnny,” Ghost tells him, scooping the baby out of his arms. You giggle and wave Soap off to follow him as he stands from the couch.

“Anno how to change a diaper,” Soap rumbles, following despite his insistence.

-

"Cannae believe such a little thing makes so much shite," Soap grumbles, snapping the onesie back together, echoing Ghost's thoughts back to him. That's one thing he certainly wasn't prepared for in this entirely unprepared for surprise of an infant.

"Swear we almost took 'er to the 'ospital once, thought she'd shat half her body weight." Ghost smiles cleaning his hands off with a fresh baby wipe. He tosses it in the little bin next to the changing table, and gives Soap a firm pat on the ass as he turns away. A thoughtless affectionate gesture, one Ghost has done countless times on you, much fewer on any of the 141.

Both men freeze.

“Johnny,” Ghost warns.

“Simon,” Soap grins.

The baby on the changing table wiggles, kicks her little bootied feet. Ghost glances at her, and in an instant Soap takes off running. Ghost makes a strangling motion after him and points a finger at his daughter.

“Stay,” He tells her seriously, before turning to go after Soap.

Soap skids past you as you exit the bathroom. You turn to watch him vault over the living room couch before Simon races after him. It’s not the strangest thing that’s happened, you suppose. Weren't they supposed to be changing Karma? You make eye contact with Soap as he ducks out of Simon’s reach and decide it’s not your business. You’re going to check on the baby you’re sure they left somewhere they shouldn’t have. Soap beats you to the nursery door and scoops you up before you can reach turn the knob, holding you in front of him like a shield.

“Ghost spanked me,” He tells you quickly. You give Simon a confused look.

“It wasn’t a spank, it was a pat,” Simon clarifies, and you think that doesn’t actually help your confusion at all.

“Is it open season on Soap now? Where’s the baby?” You’re undecided on which of those is more important. You haven't heard crashing or crying, you assume the baby is safe for the moment.

“Open what?” Soap asks behind you.

“She’s fine,” Simon stresses at the same time. You roll your eyes, not entirely convinced. Soap kicks the door behind him open and peaks into the nursery, you twist to look over your shoulder, pleased to see your baby kicking her feet on the changing table. Thank God she hasn't learned how to roll over yet.

You swat at Soap's arms to be released, at the same moment Ghost scruffs him. Two firm hands leave you to grab at another. You scurry to pick up the baby while the boys are having it out. Soap scuffles, grabbing Ghost's wrist to try and get his hand off his neck, Ghost growls a warning loud enough that Karma sniffles. The baby's eyes growing watery as she scrunches her tiny nose and prepares to make her displeasure known. You shush her, bouncing her gently as you lay her head against your shoulder.

"Non, non, mon petit chou," You gentle, "Daddy's not mad at you." You glare at the grown ass men wrestling like children. Ghost has Soap in a head lock, and is looking at you like you're supposed to solve that.

"What'd ya mean open season?" Soap asks, his voice muffled by Ghost's grip.

"We're gonna hunt you for sport," Ghost deadpans.

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rosepompadour · 5 months

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I can't afford a nervous breakdown. I simply fly into a rage and then have a hot-fudge sundae and am all better.

Eve Babitz, “Tiffany's Before Breakfast" (I Used to Be Charming)

#isn't this what elaine says jerry does after he bombs on stage #'it's very hard being a stand-up comedian! SOMETIMES THEY DON'T LAUGH!'#eve babitz #literature

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mrsfoyet · 1 year

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Thomas talking about getting back with the full cast in season 7

#such a comedian #thomas gibson #why is he so adorable!!! 😩#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #so handsome #my gifs #season 7

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marisatomay · 1 month

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“I’m not uncomfortable with being bisexual I just don’t want Eddie knowing I’m bisexual don’t read into that because there’s nothing to read into there” <- Evan Buckley while on a date with another man

#he is a comedian … girl let’s get you some juice #911 poasting

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pockethep · 1 year

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Imagine being a guy who is really devoted to your job as an information broker for a hitman organization in the 21st century. Imagine being largely confined to a shady bar in a city alleyway where your main customers are all variations of hitmen and other shady people. Imagine knowing that however important you are, a disgruntled employee or someone screwed over by the organization you devoted your life to could come and enact vengeance on you. Imagine living your life with the healthy fear that this organization will take you out if you show any signs of threatening them. Now imagine that two idiot "definitely not in-love" hitmen manage to fuck up two important jobs in a row and it takes you a lot of effort covering up their mistakes. Imagine after having them lay low and refraining from giving them jobs they show up with a child. This is the child of the man they killed on the first mission they messed up. Imagine having to watch those two somehow manage parenthood when they forgot that daycare existed. Everyday kugi kyutaro wakes up.

#buddy daddies #kugi kyutaro #suwa rei #rei suwa #kazuki kurusu #kurusu kazuki #miri unasaka #I'm glad he works at a bar he needs a drink #sometimes a family is an oil baron a comedian and a princess #why did he put so much work into Kazuki's job and go “eh...whatever” for Rei's #Uncle has a favorite

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