#hes never even been shown to be bullied at school so idk where that came from

[devilishlly]

whatever the opposite of fame-bright is

umm my take on secret evil robin <3 bc i fucking enjoy it i hope this isn't too ooc or whatever.. idk why but i kept cursing to a minimal LOL tw for murder under the cut! (its not bad but yknow)

they weren’t sure how they came into existence, but when they realized they existed, it was awful. a life where no one gave a shit about another person, save for some bread thrown their way when they finally left the little pile of scraps in the abandoned building. the other children to kept them alive till then weren't so much better, taking things from someone who had nothing, beating someone who they felt deserved it- all to gain back some control in their life. at least they were kept alive, alive with little to do but survive.

and was nice. it was nice while it lasted. soon they were old enough for responsibilities. kids with no names had to resort to things like this, and everyone decided that they were the best for this; they looked normal. not too ugly or deranged looking that would send passerbys immediately in a mood, or too pretty and beautiful so that they'd get caught and dragged away. the children brushed their hair, and told them to stand or sit a little off the corner of a nearby decrepit building and look sad, or best of all, empty. and it worked like a charm. they stood there, at the smallest and darkest hours of night, until a lady passed by and stopped to kneel in front of them. eye contact was always the most important first impression, they learned. she smiles and holds out a hand, "what are you doing out here so late?" the child takes the stone they had in their hand and throws it back, gently. the children swarm the woman, and it would have been easy for the woman to fend of a malnourished child, perhaps two. but it was a group of angry, vengeful, hungry children who needed her help in the worst of ways. so they covered their eyes, even when the others took their hands and dragged them back to their place in the abandoned warehouse. with many more times and practice, they stopped feeling bad. the child realized, they needed to live. it didn't matter how, as long as they were. soon they were old enough to go alone. "you're twelve now, you're strong enough," one of the older ones said and handed them a screwdriver, covered in enough rust and grime to immediately infect anyone with an open wound. so they nodded and went to a street like the one they lived on, on the outskirts of the city.

someone older taught them this, to aim left and up against and inside their chest, and drive the sharp thing so deep you could feel flesh squeeze around your hand. it was routine by now, as the man slumped and the child grabbed for the wallet in the man's back pocket of his jeans. tomorrow for them and everyone will pass easier now because of this choice. wiping the blood on the screwdriver on their coat, and pocketing the wallet, the child sighed. but the relief was not for long.

“this wasn’t your first kill, was it, kid?” a deep rumbling voice spoke behind them. panic permeated their senses, so they decided to cry. slowly, of course, like they had been crying this whole time, so by the time the stranger had walked around the corpse, their eyes were already teary. but the man who now squatted in front of them and the dead body shook his head. "sorry brat, but i know what i saw. you can't cry your way out of this one." the child notes that the man sounded disappointed, almost. and coupled with the look of danger the man had, they remained silent. the man takes a cigarette from his pocket. lighting the cigarette, the man takes a drag and looks down on the child once again. "name?"

they didn't know what to say, tears streaked down their face into their small, bloody hands. their voice creaked, like they hadn't ever spoke until now. "i don't have one. call me whatever you like."

"that's a big responsibility," replies the man, exhaling smoke. "you'll owe your life to me if i give you a name."

they smiled a bit. "i can tell that a life like that would be better than this."

the man nods, "you'll be able to live, not just survive- at least until you become of age. but you'll forever be in my debt, and you will forever owe me whatever i demand. is that worth it, to you?" "will i have to kill?" "it won't get that bad." "will i be able to eat?" "more than you eat now, for certain." "that's good enough for me. so then, please name me." "let me think for a moment." the man finishes his cigarette and throws it to the floor. he rises, and steps on it. "your name's robin now. let's go." he turns around and walks, not looking back.

the child gets to their feet, and runs. the man comes to a black car and gets inside of it. so robin gets into the car and they sit. they watch the city fade far away, the sky becoming progressively darker until the reach of sunlight breaks through into daybreak. just forget, robin tells themself. just forget everything in that city, and focus on living in this new town. the man, bailey, tells robin that they are lucky it is the summer and throws a bunch of books at them. robin learns to read quickly. when robin can do simple arithmetics, bailey pulls them inside his office. robin will be enrolled to school and suggests that they get better at knowing things before it starts. before robin turns to leave, they speak. "you've given me a lot, bailey." the man leans back in his chair. "are you trying to ask me for more?" they laugh, dryly. "i guess i can never hide the truth from you. i thought i would be satisfied once i lived normally, but i miss it. the thrill of the life i had before." bailey nods, "i would have figured as much. i saw you smile slightly over that dead man before i decided to get you. you enjoyed it, didn't you?"

"it was... cathartic." "you want some more catharsis, huh?" bailey sounded barely content, but most of all, knowing. robin nodded. "you can help me with some things then- who knows, it could help you know some helpful people in the future. but know that this is just extra work, it won't deduct anything off our agreed debt." robin nods, "that's fine." so then they were put to work, employed as a little assistant who helped demand money, blackmail, manipulate people who were also in debt to the man they were in debt to as well. they enjoyed it, the ability to sway emotions, to see and experience time and time again the feeling of expunging everything from someone. they had nothing, now so will you. revenge on everyone, on the world for letting them have lived the childhood they had. eventually one day, robin saw you. the look of shock and terror on your face told them bailey just imposed the debt on you- easy pickings. they swayed you with their smiles, just like the townsfolk at their lemonade stand. they made you trust them, with their respect and nicety that no one had ever shown you until now. robin knew no one made you special in their lives. you weren't special to robin either they assured themself, but it's easy to pretend when it's someone is so stupid that they'd do anything for you. everything is easier once you’ve faced worse. getting beat, getting molested, getting bullied- everything was easier than that past life of reliance on murder to survive with all those things combined. robin had a roof over their heads, robin finally had a name, and robin had someone like you under their thumb. that wasn't any problem though, robin knew it in their heart as they hugged you and saw the flush in your face when you told them you saw their note and felt the same. it was so easy. it was so fucking easy to get you to shoulder their debt, but things didn’t go as planned, somewhere along the way it stopped being pretend. the coy smiles, the worried hugs, the warmth in their chest in the moment of afterglow melded with the trueness of feeling. but it didn’t matter. things will go on as they should, things will stay the same. well... so long as you did.

#i feel insane for this #i wrote this all in 1 sitting like a madman #anyways <333333333 #degrees of lewdity bailey #dol bailey #degrees of lewdity robin #dol robin #dol headcanons #degrees of lewdity #dol

[dreadpoetssociety]

I’m Many Things

TW: Mention of sexual harassment

Note: I’ve never really posted these before, so please be lax if it’s bad lol. I don’t see a lot of sibling fics (understandably lol) but I feel weird writing like romantic relationshipy reader insert fics with characters that are significantly older than me. Anywayyy, here goes. This is going to be short for now. 

Note pt 2: Idk if this really is any good. Looking at it now it seems a little off or I can’t really tell if I got Spencer right, but I tried!! It’s kinda rushed, I’ll admit. Also hopefully I used a gif right lol. This is kinda cringey and I promise I’m better than this fic, but I just really wanted to break the ice and start posting them, so enjoy!! (if you have any prompts/ideas please send me some ! I wanna write some more :))

()()()()()()

Summary: Your brother, Spencer Reid, has to have a meeting with your principal.

Spencer Reid x Sister!reader 

(or should I say reider hahahah I’ll shut up.)

By now, Spencer was pretty familiar with the hallways of your high school, given how many times he’d been called in for meetings with various different staff members, or even from the parent-teacher conferences alone. Thankfully, the office was at the front entrance of the building, blocked off from the rest of the hallway with floor to ceiling windows, with one door. 

Reid had been informed in a very interesting phone call with the principal himself of what you had done. He was used to the petty things from you, talking back to teachers, skipping a class, vandalizing something, but the one thing you had never done, at least until now, was get into a physical altercation with another student during school. Let alone punch the principal’s son. Even so, despite the disappointment, Spencer still sensed that something was wrong in the sense that he understood you wouldn’t just do something like that out of nowhere. 

He was greeted by the women at the desk as he walked in.

“Hello, Dr. Reid. Nice to see you again.” she smiled.

“You too, if only it were under different circumstances.” Reid replied with a polite smile.

“She’s in front of the office, as usual.” the woman gestured to Reid’s right. The office had many rooms in it on its own, its own hallway and all that. Spencer walked behind the front desk and turned, seeing you sitting in a plastic chair near the end of the hall.

You turned when you heard footsteps coming down the hall.

“I know how this looks, but I promise it’s not like that.” you began explaining.

“You say that every time Y/N. This is the third time this semester I’ve had to leave work because you’ve gotten into some kind of trouble.” Spencer replied, obviously disappointed.

“This is different! Mr. Beck is being so stupid just because it’s his own son. You don’t understand, that kid is awful.” you said.

“Y/N did he hit you?” Spencer asked.

“Well, I mean, no but-” 

“That’s exactly what I mean. I understand that you’ve had it rough, but really Y/N getting violent?” Typically, Spencer would always hear you out. He was understanding, and genuinely listened, but the team was just about to leave on a case that was already stressful, and now it’s being delayed, “Y/N there’s a serial killer out west killing people every few hours, peoples’ lives are on the line and this is where I am.”

He’d never spoken to you that way. It was really unlike him, and he never put the job before you most of the time, and this hit you where it hurts.

It was then that you both were called into the principal’s private office.

“Dr. Reid, I apologize for pulling you from your busy schedule.” the man known as Mr. Beck greeted as he stood up and offered his hand, which Spencer shook.

“It’s no problem, sir, it’s not your fault.” Spencer then saw the other boy sitting in the chair on the far side of the room with a very swollen eye that would definitely be very purple later, a day or two to be more specific he thought. For teens, it takes about that long for the hemoglobin to change the red color to a more blue or purple he explained to himself in his own head, because that’s just how his mind automatically works. Either way, it was worse than he thought it’d be.

“Now, we’ve already talked about the issue over the phone, and as far as consequences go, we’ve been very lenient with Y/N for so long.” Mr. Beck began, “If I’m being completely honest, after what happened today, expulsion is being very highly considered.” 

“You’re going to expel me? You didn’t even listen to my side of the story, I’ve been sitting on that goddamn chair this entire time! You’re just taking your son’s word over mine you biased a-” 

“Y/N!” Spencer interrupted, “Mr. Beck, I understand completely why you’re upset and I’m appreciative of you patience, but expulsion seems a bit extreme. I promise I’ll talk to her and she’ll get the consequences she deserves and this won’t happen again. Suspension I can understand.” 

Great. you thought, Serial killer and now he has to save me from expulsion. Way to go again, disappointment.

“What? You didn’t even hear what happened! Your son was-” 

“Y/N that is quite enough!” Mr. Beck nearly yelled, “We’ve given you so many chances and today, my son tells me that you’ve been making fun of him and violently hurt him without reason! It is unacceptable!”

You genuinely laughed at that point, “I’m sorry what? Your son told you that I made fun of HIM? Have you ever looked at your precious son’s phone?” 

“Y/N shut up. You know what you’ve done.” Mr. Beck’s son snapped. Spencer found the phrasing quite odd. His demeanor was off putting, and he didn’t seem nervous at all. Granted, he could be in shock. Spencer recognized him, though, from pictures you’d shown him when complaining about pretty much every student in school, “You know you came up to me randomly. You know you harass me literally all of the time, and for what?”

Spencer noticed that this kid didn’t look anyone in the eye when he spoke, but slightly behind them.

“Mr. Beck, did Y/N ever say why she hit your son?”

“What does it matter what she says? She cannot be trusted and this behavior is not new. My son would not lie about this.” Mr. Beck sounded offended. 

“As a staff member, though, you shouldn’t let your biases get in the way.”

“She still physically harmed another student. Regardless of why, she must face consequences.” 

“Mr. Beck, it is only respectful to at least hear what she has to say.” Spencer argued. The young boy in the far seat’s face changed. He was nervous now. Mr. Beck sighed, and nodded towards you.

“Mr. Beck, this my come as a surprise to you, but I was NOT harassing your son. He was harassing another girl between classes. She had sent nudes to him, and then I don’t know if they had a falling out or something, but she was trying to like, I don’t know, break up with him I guess and he was following her around and pushed her up against a locker and tried to like, kiss her even though she said no. So I punched him, and then he threatened to send those pictures of her to everyone.” you stated, “Mr. Beck honestly, I’m many things, but a bully isn’t one of them. And no offense, but the last person I’m interested in even looking at is freaking Kyle Beck of all people.” you ranted. Spencer realized then that you were being genuine. You were a good liar to the naked eye, but always gave off the basic tells that Spencer could pick up on when you weren’t being truthful.

It was then that Spencer’s disappointment actually changed to pride. Although he didn’t condone the violence, he understood that you were a loner of sorts, and appreciated that you’d stand up for someone like that.

“Dad, she’s so full of crap! I would never do that, you know me!” he yelled. Reid noticed the small tremor in his voice, and quick change of behavior. 

“Y/N, I know I raised my son differently.” 

“Check his phone.” you said. 

“I know what he does.” Mr. Beck snapped.

“Sir, I believe she’s telling the truth. I say this as unbiased as I can, but I can tell when she’s lying. I am a profiler, you know.” Reid backed you up. He didn’t usually pull out the profiler card, but reading the room, now seemed like a good time. Mr. Beck was taken back for a moment before sighing, and his son’s face completely drained of color when asked to unlock the device.

It wasn’t long after that that the truth came to the surface. Your sentence went from expulsion to a month’s worth of detention.

Walking to the car, Spencer said, “You know Y/N, I don’t condone the violence, and don’t exactly agree with the way you handled that, but I am proud of you for sticking up for that girl.”

“Yeah.” you replied. He noticed that you didn’t seem happy, but more so upset.

“Y/N, what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing.”

“I’m profiler, Y/N. You know I don’t believe that.” he said. You sighed.

“I don’t mean to disappoint you all the time,” you started as Reid’s heart sank, “I know you should be out there saving people rather than staying here and dealing with me. I’m not worth the time. I don’t know why I’m this way, I’m really sorry.”

“Y/N...” Spencer realized his mistake, “I was just stressed when I said that. You’re not a disappointment and shouldn’t apologize for just being who you are. Don’t undermine your importance, either. You mean more to me than the job.”

You smiled, “So does this mean I can come with you and look at crime scenes?”

“Absolutely not.” Reid chuckled.

“Aw, but it would be so cool! I’ll be good I promise!”

“Y/N, crime scenes aren’t cool, and you would cause trouble before we even got there.” he said, jokingly, “I bet you would even try to fly the jet.”

“Oh my god, I never even thought about doing that. That’s such a good idea.”

“And that’s why you’re not allowed to come.” Reid smiled, as they both got in the car and drove towards home. Spencer appreciated the ten minute ride while he could, knowing he would be leaving soon after. 

#criminal minds #spencer reid #reid #sister reader #spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #spencer reid x sister reader #criminal minds x reader #sorry if these tags are wrong #spencer #matthew gray gubler

[whatiwillsay]

The rumour about louis bullying kids in school for being gay was debunked a long time ago. His ex gf confirmed that the person who he supposedly bullied didn’t even go to the same school as him and is 4 years older than him.

Some people in his hometown were bitter about louis getting an opportunity in the x factor and started making stuff up about him online. But actually one of the people who accused him was exposed for calling louis a homophobic slur in an earlier tweet. And another old classmate recently said louis was the one who used to get bullied at school. There’s screenshots with proof for all of this.

It’s weird to say he’s always rude about larry when each time he’s asked about it he’s been way nicer than he should be considering the amount of harassment he and his family get about it to this day. If you think he’s rude about it because of that tweet from almost ten years ago denying larry, give it a rest. As if that’s supposed to prove he’s a homophobe lmao. He’s shown his support multiple times over the years and all his concerts are filled with pride flags which he always shows appreciation for so idk where this weird misconception came from.

the fact that he egged on larry in the first place is homophobic like he may not be out beating up gay people in the streets but he obviously thought it was fun to make fun of them. he has never apologized for that so no i will not forgive him. "give it a rest" when it's literally one ask i published. how dare a gay person be critical of someone who made fun of the very idea of gay people existing i guess? like i know people will freak out to defend a man but i promise you louis is not worth it. "showing support" how exactly? has he raised money for gay causes? gone to marches for gay rights? raised awareness for helpful causes and legislation? the bar is so fucking low for cishet white men that simply allowing OTHER people to wave flags at his concerts and not kicking them out is enough to make him a good ally? raise your standards gay people deserve better.

i've seen the debunks and they're equally as believable as the accusations (so who knows what the truth is there not you or i) but the fact of the matter is louis publicly and proudly displayed his homophobia as he egged on larry for a laugh for years and has never apologized for it.

[asteriismos]

stay home - jacob barber

warning(s) : smut, eighteen! jacob and reader, soft fluffy smut

words : 3k

authors note :  sorry i’ve been away for a while. there will be more requests getting written soon. idk if i like this one or not lol it may get a rewrite

BUT ALSO A SOFT SMUT WITH JACOB B LIKE-

Oh my God yes, can you rewrite that closet scene so it's Jacob and reader

you had been there when andy gave the news to joanna, jacob, and laurie that he found out ben rifkin’s phone was now in evidence. you listened to the older adults as they explained that this meant that andy and joanna could go through the phone and find anything to defend jacobs case. this was good news, very, very good news. 

this news, though good, was obviously something that the barbers didn’t want you knowing. you knew this by the fact that when andy had come home only ten minutes earlier, he asked for jacob to come down and only jacob. andy knew that you were there, as did laurie, but this was a family affair. something that they didn’t want you to go telling other people or the media about this news. which you understood, jacob’s safety in this trial was what really mattered. 

but you were a snoopy person, wanting to know what they were talking about so badly that you stood in the doorframe leading to jacob’s room, being quiet as you listened to the conversation. it felt a little wrong to be snooping, but the kitchen was right there next to the stairs and it was hard for you to not hear the conversation. 

hearing the conversation cease and footsteps making their way towards the stairs, you turned and walked into jacob’s room, mindlessly looking over the stuff that was on his desk. his computer, which was bright and shown on the screen was a google doc for a paper he was putting off, was the only thing that really brought light into the room other than the small lamp adjacent to the left on the desk. 

the footsteps neared closer and from the hallway outside of his room, jacob said, “my mom and dad are going out to get takeout, what do you want from the chinese place?” chinese food. it was jacob’s favorite takeout food, even if it tended to make him a little sick after he ate it. you always laughed at how he always wanted to go there when both of you were hungry and didn’t want to go to either of your houses to make food yourselves. 

you turned to face him and shrugged your shoulders, part of your cardigan sliding down your arm. “i’ll just get the chicken fried rice, i’m not too hungry,” you said. jacob smiled and walked back downstairs, seemingly to tell his parents what you wanted. you waited patiently for him to come back, and when he did, he closed the door and stood idly next to it, his eyes scanning his room before making their way to your own. 

there was a certain unvoiced aura that has been between both of you for a really long time, ever since the day he got arrested and charged with the murder of ben rifkin. you two had yet to even really talk about it, because you weren’t really sure how to even start talking about it. it wasn’t a casual conversation starter, quite the obvious. talking about the murder of ben was beginning to be taboo in your suburban town. 

jacob barber was in the same class as you for as long as you could remember. you two even went to the same preschool when you two were both three years old. he was born in august and you were born in september so you were always a little bit younger than you, but each of you were some of the oldest in your soon to be graduating class. already 18 in the beginning of senior year. because you were a girl and jacob was a boy, it was quickly established that you couldn’t be friends just because that’s how it was in elementary school. the boys hung out with the boys and the girls hung out with the girls. you can even remember having a boys vs girls ‘war’ on the playground about who had the most cooties. so you didn’t know him well until sophomore year english class. 

the teacher in that class, mrs heng, was a spiteful woman who obviously hated children. you always wondered why someone would become a high school teacher if they openly talked about how messed up the ‘younger generation’ was. mrs heng had a strict seating chart that didn’t change for the rest of the year, and she placed you and jacob to sit next to each other at the double desk. back then you had only really heard people talk about jacob and the same went for you, so it was pretty awkward at first. after a while you two started to warm up to each other and the rest was history. 

you two were now nearing your two year anniversary and everything seemed much different than how it was two years ago. how could either of you think that any of this would happen? 

jacob, still standing awkwardly with his eyes at yours, cleared his throat. “did you hear any of that?” he was good at reading you. he knew your facial expressions like the back of your hand. and he always knew when those gears in your brain were turning. 

you breathed out, realizing that you were holding your breath. you didn’t know why you were being so passive with jacob, you two never kept secrets from each other. but you, like everyone else, was trying to tell if jacob actually did it or not. of course you weren’t like the people who jumped to the conclusion and painted him to be some type of monster. you knew he wasn’t a monster. he was jacob. your jacob.

“yes.”

your tone was softer than you wanted to be. and jacob couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt in his heart for having to put you through this. he knew that people were mean to you at school, on social media, and even in newspaper articles about him. they all mentioned how jacob had a girlfriend, and how she might just be as messed up as he apparently is. it broke his heart in two. 

he walked over to you, the apparent height difference showing the closer he got to you. there was a point where you were taller than jacob, back in eighth grade when all the girls were going through puberty and the boys were still left in the dust. then in sophomore year a month into dating him, he started to get taller and taller. you swore that you would see him one day and then the next he would be two inches taller. 

his hand reached out to grab your own, making you sigh at the contact. you missed him. now that he was out of school and was finishing up his last year of high school with a private tutor, you never got to see him at school and sometimes not even afterwards because you had your own responsibilities with trying to graduate with good grades. tonight was the first night this week you came over to hang out with him in almost two weeks. 

“i'm sorry, about everything. about roping you into all of this, you don’t deserve it,” jacob said, his hand squeezing yours. 

you looked into his eyes with concern. “and you do? jacob, i’m so sorry this is all happening to you.” you could deal with a little bit of bullying, but jacob? he was looking at the rest of his life in jail if he was found guilty of this. and the evidence was piling up against him. you almost didn’t know how he was keeping it together. the world was crashing down on jacob barber and he was still making sure that you were okay. 

you did really love him. you have since sophomore year when he used to write on the corners of your worksheets and ask you how your day was. then when you would turn them in, you’d have to scribble out the conversation so that the teacher didn’t see. in the beginning stages of your relationship he would put little notes in your locker that you still kept in your room to this day. a part of you believed that you would always love jacob barber, no matter what happened in these next coming weeks. 

his eyes looked down at the ground, sighing. “i know, it’s just. i worry about you all the time,” he said. he really cared about you, loved you more than anything he’s ever known. it didn’t even matter what happened to him, as long as you were safe from possible violent people and the media. they were all painting you to be someone you’re not. jacob wished that they knew the real you. about how supportive, kind, and considerate you have been with him this entire time. the entire world was against jacob barber and here you were, still defending him and standing by his side. 

feeling a sudden chill, you shivered under his touch, making him smile a little bit and look back into your eyes. all thoughts of the trial melted away as you two came back into reality. without saying anything, you let go of his hand and turned to walk into his closet. it always confused you as to why he had such a big closet. but laurie said something about how jacob’s room ( despite it being smaller ) used to be the master bedroom before they added on an addition to the house. which explains why jacob had a walk in closet despite him not really even needing it. only about 2/3 of it was even filled, the other was just empty with a few boxes used for storage. 

you heard jacob follow you, he leaned against the doorframe and watched you search through his expanse of sweatshirts. you were trying to find the perfect one to wear so you wouldn’t be so cold. hands grabbing and pushing away hangers, you came across a white one that he never really wore. amused, you turned to look at him and held it up by the hanger for him to see, “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you wear this one.”

a light blush spread across his cheeks, “yeah. i bought that one to wear and give to you a month ago. never got the chance.” he motioned to the hoodie with a sheepish smile on his face. 

you smiled as well, biting your lip and setting it down on the shelf next to you. you came over to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. jacob pressed a kiss to your cheek and raised an eyebrow. “what’s on your mind?” he asked.

you shrugged. “just you.”

“i’m flattered,” jacob said, pecking you on the lips this time. 

you looked into his eyes. he was the same person that you fell in love with. and you missed him this close to you. you missed him inside of you. you two haven’t had sex in so long, and his parents were gone you were the only people in the house. 

you were so desperate for him. “make love to me.”

he hummed. “what was that?” he cocked his head to the side and put his hands on your waist. his thumbs pressed into your hip bones. 

“make love to me,” you said again, catching his eyes. 

he pulled away just a tiny bit, a curious look on your face. “what sprung this on?”

you just shrugged your shoulders, biting your lip again but in a more seductive way. “i love you. and i want you. we’re all alone in this house and it’ll be fun.”

he didn’t respond, instead kissing you with a desirable force. your back hit the wall with a calm force that you didn’t even mind the folded clothes that fell down from the top shelves. you laughed into the kiss, hands coming up and tangling themselves into jacob’s hair. the strands fell in between your fingers like silk. you tugged at them, eliciting a soft groan from him into your mouth. 

jacob pulled away from you and pulled up your shirt, hands coming to your sides and capturing your lips with his again. his right hand trailed upward, cupping your breast. his thumb rubbed along the skin above your bra, squeezing a tiny bit. jacob was being gentle, loving, appreciating everything about your body. 

usually when you guys had sex, it would go fast. mostly because you guys had so much pent up tension that you two have to go at it hard and fast to get relief. this time it was slow, genuinely appreciating everything about each other. it was rare that you got times like this, but now that it was here, neither of you were going to take it for granted. 

you could tell that he had pent up tension, just the way that he was kissing you told you that. hot kisses pressed to your lips or on your jaw. it caused a pressure to build in your stomach. jacob went down to kiss up and down your neck, making sure not to make any marks where they could be seen. he did however, leave a large one just below your collarbone, which made you throw your head back with a tiny moan. the way that his teeth grazed across your skin felt so good.

“jacob, we don’t have that much time,” you spoke, hands pulling his face up to look at you. he gave you a lazy grin, kissing the valley in between your breasts. he then came up face to face with you and leaned in, his hot breath fanned against your face. 

“you’re right, you’re just so beautiful i want to kiss every single inch of you,” jacob replied. you shivered at his words, cheeks reddening. “what? it’s true. i love you.”

you pecked him on the lips. “i love you too, may i?” your hands went down to the end of his shirt and lightly tugged on it. he laughed and nodded, his arms raising up as you guided the fabric off of his skin. once the shirt was off and discarded, your hands came to his sides and pulled him into another long kiss.

his lips still on yours, jacob went and started to mess with the button of your jeans. after a few attempts, he finally got them unzipped and pulled them off of you. you finished by kicking them off your ankles. your hands came to do the same for him, undoing his belt and letting him do the rest. your hands were too shakey to finish up the job anyways.

one finger hooked into the waistband of your panties and pulled them off of you as well. the only thing seperating each of you were his boxers, which were discarded soon after. 

jacob hiked you up against the wall, grabbing the bottoms of your thighs and pulling you upwards. your legs wrapped around his waist, hands holding tightly onto his shoulders. you were off the ground in his arms against the wall of his closet, which you hoped didn’t drop more clothes on you. the last thing you wanted was for you guys to finish and then later have laurie barber ask what the hell happened in the closet to make the folded shirts on the top shelf all fall off.

there was a moment of silence between you two while he lined himself up with your entrance, the tip of his dick sliding through your folds. you moaned out, giving him a look that said please. jacob chuckled and pushed himself in. 

the feeling of him stretching you out while he slowly pushed in made you groan out. you fogot how good this felt, how he filled you up just perfectly. right now you thanked god for birth control. jacob took a moment to let you adjust to the feeling after he bottomed out, since he didn’t warm you up with his fingers earlier. if there had been more time, he would’ve. but there will definitely be more times to be together. 

“you - you can move,” you whispered out, your hands going to his face. “please jacob move.” you begged, making him laugh again.

“needy are we?”

you didn't have time to answer because he pulled out of you and pushed back in, continuing at a moderate pace. your back pressed against the wall every time his hips rut into yours, sending you closer and closer to that peak.

both of you were pretty riled up. because of the stress of the arrest and the upcoming trial, no one leaves you two that alone together to have sex. this was one of these rare moments you got to spend with each other and it was so worth it. 

it was so worth it to hear those desperate moans come out of his lips every time his hips met yours, the lust in his eyes when his head bowed down and then up again to meet your eyes. jacob pressed kisses to your neck, licking a stripe up your jawline. a half moan half sob left your lips, feeling him reach that spot in you that only he could get. he hit it over and over again, 

you moaned out, hands pressing harshly against his back. nail’s digging into the skin on his back. usually he wouldn’t like the pain, but it felt so good mixed with the pleasure of you so tight around him. both of you were really close, his thrusts were getting faster and harsher with every single time he pulled out and in. “god jacob, im going to come.”

jacob nodded his head that was in your shoulder and watched your face as you hit your orgasm, admiring the sweat on your brow and the way that your head threw back. 

your moans in ecstasy seemed to cause him to hit his orgasm as well, his hands squeezing the back of your thighs. he attempted to pull out, warm hot liquid spilled inside of you and in the inside of your legs. he took a moment to make sure you were steady on your legs as he set you down. you leaned against the wall to catch your breath. 

#defending jacob #jacob barber #jacob barber x reader #jacob barber imagine #jaeden martell

[juhihuji]

do u have any random facts or things about Depth of heaven and ur characters (sfw or nsfw 🤭) even if what you want never comes to light, I really enjoy reading the concepts and asks about ur OCs

Hehehe I haven't thought about the characters and their story in a long time, until recently...but I never put a huge amount of thought into them before either! I kinda just knew I...wished I could make something cool that had everything I wanted in that kind of game lmao. Even if it doesn't happen, I felt like I wanted there to be twists and secrets...if it never happens then nobody but me will ever know about them, huh! But, if it does happen then I'll spoil stuff for later! What to do...ah I'll share about it! But I'm giving it a spoiler warning for something that doesn't exist anyway lmao Also I'm not a writer or a scientist this is all wacky world rules ok xd also there might be inconsistencies idk I never wrote anything down I'll tell u their heights! June: 5'4 Puzzle: 6'3 Koa: 5'6 Adam: 6'1 Keizo: 6'7 Lloyd: 5'11 Static: 6' Cyril: 5'9 Holly: 5'7

In high school June and Puzzle were da weeaboos who listened to vocaloid on their phones at lunch. Puzzle wore cat ears, big headphones, and tutus to school. I think....I decided that because of her old bad design lmao. I thought I had a drawing of her in cat ears but I can't find it 😔 June prolly just wore hoodies and graphic t-shirts. They were each others prom dates! June wore a tux! Okay spoilery stuff ahead!

I have a general idea what I want the story to be, but right now I just see it as disjointed scenes in my head. I posted some June and Puzzle wearing dresses where I wanted a scene to happen in a casino on the ship. Cruise ship casinos are kinda lame though lol, but it'll be as big and cool as I want >:•3 and it's an excuse to have everyone in cool formal wear cuz that's always fun! The cult leader calls for a big party on the ship and everyone has to attend! It's also where he culls the herd...because not everyone is worthy of going to heaven...apparently Koa likes playing video games! He's on the top of the leaderboard for one MMO, and during one event the top prize was blueprints for an in-game item: roller skates! It would make for cool merch to put on your wall or something. There was a rumor among the playerbase that the blueprints could make skates that function as they do in the game. Koa won the prints then used them to custom build his own skates (they look kinda generic now but I haven't put a lot of thought into their design lmao). The combination of materials used and construction give them a magical quality that allows him to skate faster than any human could! He's always pushing his limits, and sometimes it gets him in twubble xd Keizo has an issue with bad dreams...at night he replays all the times in his life where people were rude to him or each other, how he needs to keep peace between them, he just really hates assholes! He has nightmares about them treating him badly and there's nothing he can do, because at his height and with his strength he'd come off as the bad guy no matter what! They push and push 'til he's about to snap...then he wakes up! The rage super heats his blood and his skin glows red and steam pours out his ears! His hair is all wacky cuz it holds it's shape on the pillow from all the heat lmao June and the rest of them find out about it when they see steam coming out from under his door at night. Don't wake him up though! If he's still glowing hot he'll sleep walk while in a berserk state. First, it makes him really rude himself lmao. He'll say all the nasty things he won't when he's awake! Second, if he sees someone doin' shit he don't like, they're gettin' these 🤜🤛 In his happy ending you'd see him with his hair flat for the first time wouldn't that be nice :•3 Adam is always doing experiments on himself, kinda just for shits, kinda because he wants to discover something amazing....!.....?!?!??! When he was younger, his sister, who he loved v much, died. He wanted to become a doctor, not because he wanted to find a cure for the thing that killed his sister...because she died in an accident! He wanted to find a way to make people invincible! He's always injecting himself with stuff hoping it'll make him stronger. He likes Keizo as a friend, but to Adam Keizo is a perfect specimen of an indestructable human. Adam's been fascinated with him for a while, but Keizo also just makes for a good subject for testing against! Also, they met when Adam was studying abroad and Keizo came up on a motorbike and attacked the wheels on Adam's scooter. Cute! :•) Keizo used to be a bad boy :•( Other experiments Adam's done: Eyesight like a HAWK Cat ears but for real Jelly bones(?) Longer ween 😳 Lloyd is a stinky tech wiz who likes playing around with AI's and robotics! He has myassive myega brains and he monitors many of the functions of the ship by himself in his server room. When the captain is captured and thrown off the ship, Lloyd uses his know-how and special accesses to make sure the cult doesn't make a mess of everything. He knows about and can see everything that happens on the ship...for fun he likes video games toooo! And plays with Koa! He likes buildin' lil gadgets n tings for fun too! They can come in real handy! nsfw! Stuff past here!!!!!!!!! June, Koa, and Lloyd are all inexperienced!

As a lover, Keizo tries to be gentle...but once he gets into it he can be a bit rough! If you're into it, just enjoy! Or speak up and he'll slow down! Hmmm I was inspired by a scene from the film Crying Freeman (which I haven't actually watched 8•|) of some ppl doin' it in a closet(?)...it's all dark and cramped and humid and their skin is so shiny and glistening it's probably the thing that awoken me to drawing people super sweaty. I just can't help myself 😳 def wanna give Keizo a scene like that. This doodle was inspired by it actually lmao

Adam is patient and gentle! Lots of kisses and verbal reassurance and checking in w/ u. He's aware of his age and he doesn't wanna come off badly so he'll let you do all the pursuing. And June will pursue him hard if she has to! He's also gonna make you beg and ask, just so he's sure sure :•) He loves to sit her up on the examining table n do things wit his mouf n fingers 😳 I'd probably make it an option to call him daddy in certain scenarios...up to u if u choose it find out what happens for urself idk 😳😳😳 or don't

Koa likes to tease you, maybe bully you a lil, but when it comes to intimacy he's a wimp! I just like the idea of making the bully bend to your will, but he likes it. It just feels good to wipe that cocky smile off his face! Step on him! Make him whimper! I know June's a virg too, but Koa is just so easy to tease it makes it feel like second nature. BUT the more time they spend together, the more confident Koa becomes. So! Enjoy havin' him under your thumb while you can cuz it might not last forever! Lloyd tries to stay composed when June starts showing an interest. He's usually alone in his server room, but secretly appreciates her company when she comes by. At first he'll act like he's too busy. He's not used to being around women! As his interest in June grows it becomes harder to hide his feelings! So June notices...and teases him! Cuz it's just so easyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYY 😩 Seeing his serious expression crack when you put ur hands in his pants is lots of fun :•3 And he shows you a voice he's never shown anyone else before 🤤 He does his research and with your help he'll learn exactly how to worship u 😌 IF it ever happens there has to b a new game plus where u unlock threesome scenes with Koa/Lloyd and Adam/Keizo :•x That's all 4 now! Sorry I'm fuckin' gross and don't know how to type :•|

#the depth of heaven #koa #keizo #adam #lloyd #june #ocs #puzzle #text post

[sparklinpixiedust]

Tool Box

Ben Tennyson was the world's greatest Dad. He tried to always be there for Kenny , whenever he could.

When not fighting aliens, he could be found at Mr. Smoothie, trying out the crazy new flavors with his son, or playing the the most recent sumo slammers video game with him.

Kenny Tennyson, as much as he wanted more time with his father, understood his responsibilities towards the world.

However as a child he would get upset on occasion when he wouldn't show up to events. Being only 4 , his lack of understanding why his father hadn't shown up for a father's day picnic had led to him to have a tantrum at school.

Ben explained to him later that night very apologetically, but it was only a few years later that he understood.

But since that tantrum something changed.

A year later, Ben still didn't show up for the picnic , but he did.

And he did every year after. Despite protests and some bored ' do we have to's?' ,he and Kenny participated in many of the picnics lame ( as he put it) activities.

When he was bullied at school, he had punched the bully in the face, causing the him to develop a black eye.

Ben wasn't there, but he was. He had artistically managed to talk the school out of suspension and reduced the punishment to a few detentions.

He sat through a 3 hour play, a play where Kenny just stood on stage as a tree. He had no lines, no actual motive to be on stage except for the school's policy on ' all kids must be involved'.

Sure he complained about the show on the way back, but also complimented him on his performance on stage.

It's not as though Ben never showed up for anything important in Kenny's life. He was present for several occasions like his middle school graduation.But whenever he was absent, he would take his place, making sure Kenny never felt left out.

He didn't have to. He had a family, a kid of his own. He had a full time job as Head of Earth's Defence and Weaponry, although it wasn't as daunting as Ben's job of always being the hero in every situation that arose across the universe.

A 16 year old Kenny stood in the garage , looking at the little tool box in his hand that read " World's Second Best Dad"

" Uncle Kevin?"

The dark haired man slipped out from under the car he was working on and looked at Kenny.

" what is it kid?, I'm in the middle of something"

" I kinda got you something"

" leave it on the table, I'll look at it later" and with that he slipped right back under the car.

Kenny smiled as he did. Uncle Kevin, always with his car.

Other than a thanks, Kevin hadn't said much to him in the following days , well nothing beside the normal.

Kenny wasnt upset. He knew his uncle wasn't exactly expressive with words so he hadn't expected much anyway.

Kevin did let him , though hesitantly, drive his car to school for while after that, so Kenny knew his uncle appreciated his gift.

Then Kenny spilled a smoothie in the driver's seat and that was the end of that arrangement.

.....

AN : Yeah I didnt know how to end this so sorry for the rushed ending.

Why did Kevin do all this? because he knew what it's like to not have a father around so felt this sort of obligation to be there for Kenny.

We kinda know Kenny and Ben, we know devlin and kevin but I don't think there's ever been a fic thats been about Kenny and kevin.

I thought exploring the whole uncle - nephew aspect would be interesting.

Where is Kenny's mother? Why wasn't she there for him? Lol idk.

And Kevin's job? I wanted him to do something cool and that's what came to mind, I dont even think that's makes sense though.

Anyway hope you liked it :)

#ben 10 au #ben 10 #ben 10 alien force #kevin levin #ben tennyson #ben 10 classic #ben 10 reboot #fanfiction #kenny tennyson #kevin 11 #my take

[karliahs]

um for prompts idk anything specific but maybe more midoriya gettin angry over stuff and dealin?? really loved the way u handled it in something else to pretend, would love to see ur take on how he deals with more aggressive/harsher anger? idk tho

content warning for discussions of bullying and brief references to (canon) child abuse

“Why did Kacchan do that?” Izuku asks. It’s one of those shards of memory that lingers far longer than it should, muddying over years and re-rememberings, but never completely fading away.

Izuku can remember the question, his grazed knees, the sun shining on the grass. He can remember his mother helping clean him up, smiling a comforting smile and saying, “I don’t know, sweetie. I think he was angry.”

Izuku isn’t sure if the question that comes next comes from his mother, or if it’s just something he’s thought about so much over the years that it’s gotten tangled up in the memory, an unwitting passenger. “Don’t you get angry, Izuku?” someone asks.

ao3 link / continued below

In hindsight, Izuku is sure the thoughts that come next can’t be part of the memory. His five year old self wouldn’t be capable of this kind of self-analysis. But the thing is, Izuku thinks he knows what anger is. It’s not really that distinct from other kinds of overwhelmed, when the world is too loud, too much, too impatient and needling - and so he cries, because this happens every time a feeling is too large to hold all of it inside him, and ‘wanting not to cry’ is always one of those feelings, so there’s no way out.

Izuku supposes he must have thrown tantrums when he was little. Thrown his toys around, fallen on the floor, screamed. He can’t remember doing any of that.

He’s never felt whatever Kacchan is feeling when he pushes Izuku into the dirt. He tries to imagine it, a feeling bubbling over into bright, harsh action, like Kacchan’s explosions. He can almost get there, but after comes a sweep of shame that pulls him back into himself. Izuku Midoriya, quirkless and strange, who causes enough problems without pushing other children over. Izuku, who can feel the aftermath so much more distinctly than that initial explosion of anger. He can’t think about explosions without thinking about wreckage.

…

“Don’t you ever get mad?” Matsuda asks.

Izuku had been on his way to take shelter in the school library over lunch. He’d been distracted, as he walked, wondering if the doors would be open today - the library is sparse and neglected enough when it’s open, but the school’s staffing levels are such that he frequently turns up at the doors to find the whole place shut up and locked, leaving him to try and think of another place where he might be able to spend the next 45 minutes safe and left alone - so distracted that he hadn’t noticed Matsuda until they almost collided in the hallway.

He was lucky, really, that it was just Matsuda, not one of Kacchan’s true entourage, but a hanger-on who rarely missed an opportunity to take Izuku down a peg. In a class without Izuku there, it wouldn’t be that hard to see Matsuda in Izuku’s place.

But something about Izuku’s distracted expression during his taunts seems to have triggered something else, a kind of disbelieving disgust. “Like, ever?” he asks. “Don’t you ever get tired of like ‘thanks, excuse me, sorry for existing and all, good luck with the test tomorrow guys!’” He says this last past in a high-pitched imitation of Izuku’s voice, and Izuku thinks maybe they’ve returned to familiar ground, but Matsuda is still staring intently at him, seemingly waiting for an answer.

He doesn’t have one to give. Half his mind is still on those library doors, and whether they’ll be open when he gets there. The rest is fuzzed over with panic, leaving him with nothing but his polite, stammering default - which never makes it better, but silence never does either.

“Whatever,” Matsuda says, suddenly growing tired of him and starting off in the other direction. “It’s like you like it this way.”

Izuku takes a shuddering breath and turns the corner. The library doors are closed.

…

Izuku tries, later that day, once he’s safe at home, to get angry on purpose. He sits on his bed and tries to summon it up, like the opposite of meditating, reaching for fury instead of calm. For a few minutes nothing happens at all, except that he gets distracted thinking about other things and has to drag himself back.

He thinks about Kacchan pushing him down, and him never finding out why. He thinks about the look on his mother’s face when she came back from meetings during the dissolution of her marriage, meetings Izuku was kept well away from; he thinks about how hard she tried to be normal, but how her knuckles were white where she gripped her water glass.

Eventually, there’s a kind of hot, prickling feeling over his skin. He feels briefly untethered, out of his own body, and wonders if he really did end up meditating after all. Then comes a wave of nausea, so physical that he feels a prickling in the back of his throat. He remembers having the flu last semester, and the nausea that had flooded through him when he’d tried to walk just to get a glass of water - nausea that felt like a warning, like a plea; stop, whatever you’re doing, stop.

He opens his eyes to find he’s gripping his notebook in his hands, so tight he’s bent the spine, leaving little wrinkles of damage spreading out from where he’d held on. He releases his grip and tries to smooth it over, bend it back into shape, but it only looks sadder for his efforts, care shown far too late to help anything.

…

Always, at the root of anger, we find a desire for change. Izuku grips his highlighter pen, unsure. He doesn’t think this passage has much to do with the essay question he’s been assigned, but something about it peaks his interest anyway.

A person enraged is a person committed to affecting change in the world around them. If we all gave in to those desires at every opportunity, we would have a world of tyranny and chaos. However, the alternative extreme is no better - a world of stasis and apathy, drifting, stagnating. When we tell our children to banish their anger, we tell them to cut away a significant part of their own agency. When we tell this to some children and never to others, we invite a different, more incisive kind of tyranny.

Izuku is torn between a desire to slam the book shut, and the urge to try and pivot his essay in a direction that will let him analyse this. He highlights the words in yellow, realising that when he thinks of change, he doesn’t think of anger. He thinks of All Might, defeating impossible odds, saving dozens of terrified people, and doing it all with a smile on his face. What is that if not agency? Can you really not have one without the other?

…

He supposes what he’s doing is building a case, the way he always does. Trying to capture the sum of his understanding of something, so that when he needs the knowledge it will be there. The crucial, long, stuttering thinking will already be done, and in the heat of the moment he can just act.

That’s Hero Analysis For the Future , and he thinks that’s why he’s holding onto these memories too. Almost every aspect of a hero’s life affects their career in some ways; if anger does too, it makes sense that Izuku needs to work out what he thinks. Don’t you ever get angry, Izuku? Don’t you ever get mad? Always, at the root of anger, we find a desire for change. It’s like you like it this way.

Izuku wishes, for a moment, that feelings were as real and tangible as organs. He wishes he could go for a scan and have someone tell him yep, anger’s right there. It isn’t enlarged or shrivelled. It isn’t inflamed or sickening. It isn’t poisoning everything around it.

…

He asks his friends, now that he has friends, specifically targeting those who are more on an even keel - he already knows he can’t relate to big, obvious anger.

“Sure, Deku,” Uraraka answers. “Everyone gets angry.”

“What does it feel like, when you are?”

“Are you gonna take notes?” she teases, but then she’s concentrating, tapping her fingers together, trying to figure out how best to describe it. Izuku still isn’t used to this; if you’d asked him to predict what Uraraka would give him, even though he thinks the world of her, he assumed he’d get a quick, uninterested comment at most. Either his UA friends are so much better than most people, or his calibrations for what friendship is are all off; Izuku suspects it’s a little of both.

“I guess I have two types of anger?” Uraraka muses. “Like, there’s…determined anger? Like at the sports festival, I just got really fired up and wanted to win so bad!” She makes a fist, as if to demonstrate, and man, Izuku likes her so much.

She lets her hands drop. “Then there’s the kind that’s less fun. Like…when your heater is broken and you’re mad that it’s broken, and that you’re cold and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Your heater isn’t really broken, right?” Izuku asks. “It’s been getting really cold out!”

Uraraka gives him a warm smile. “No, Deku. It’s fine.” He stares at her smile for a second too long, trying to grasp the idea of Uraraka being really, truly angry. He thinks it’s like how no one can really know that they’re seeing the same colours everyone else sees. For all he knows, they’re feeling totally different things and giving them the same name; he can’t imagine Uraraka feeling anything in the disjointed, sickly way that rage finds him.

…

Ashido is his next target, and she laughs before realising he’s serious. “Anger feels like anger, you know?” she says idly. “Like…” She holds up her hands in a claw-like gesture, and makes a kind of ‘rrargh’ noise.

Izuku must look slightly disappointed, because Ashido sighs and throws up her hands. “I don’t know, man! I don’t like to think about it. Everything is stupid when you’re angry, and I’m always there, so it’s like I’m stupid. The stupidest thing in all the stupid.”

She looks down at her shoes as she talks, and it’s so unlike the Ashido he knows that Izuku wants to apologise for having asked. Before he can, she lightly punches his shoulder, giving him a smaller, more subdued version of her usual bright smile. “You don’t always gotta dwell on stuff, you know?” she says. “No one’s gonna give you points for it. Chin up! Plus ultra!”

She skips away, and Izuku feels like he understands her both more and less than he did five minutes ago.

…

He doesn’t actually plan to ask Todoroki, but he’s in Todoroki’s room taking back his notes for English class when he finds himself doing it anyway.

“You…get angry sometimes, right?”

Todoroki blinks at him. Slowly, deliberately, he lifts his left hand, cupped in a way that makes Izuku anticipate flame, makes him aware of the ghost of it among his fingers.

“Yes,” Todoroki says simply.

“Yeah,” Izuku says, wanting to smile to soften things but not wanting Todoroki to think he’d been making fun of him. “I’ve been asking a lot of people. People in our class, I mean.” He fidgets with his hands for a second. “I think I’m doing it wrong? I don’t know if I have too much anger or too little, but…I don’t know. I think there’s something wrong with me.”

Todoroki waits patiently while he speaks, all his attention fixed on Izuku. Izuku thinks that’s one of the reasons he likes Todoroki; even for all of his ambition, he gives off this impression of patience that makes it feel okay to talk, to talk imperfectly and at length, now that he’s past Todoroki’s initial barriers. The other ambitious people Izuku knows, himself included, aren’t like that - he’s dogged, determined, but not patient. It comes from starting so far behind everyone else, making it feel as though no movement is ever really fast enough.

Todoroki thinks for a long moment before replying. “It can’t be worse than what’s wrong with me.”

Izuku gives him a small smile. Kind things hover in the back of his mind, wanting to offer reassurance, but he knows from experience that when you offer some glimpse of how you feel about yourself, sometimes the best thing to receive back is just space and acknowledgement, instead of attempts to convince you otherwise that mostly just make you regret speaking up in the first place.

Izuku knows he��s so behind with this, too; having friends, talking to people, trying to give them reasons to be glad that they talked to him. But maybe Todoroki would understand that, out of all of his friends - maybe they can muddle through together.

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately,” Todoroki offers, and Izuku thinks maybe he made the right choice after all. “I used to want to never be angry, so that I’d never act like my father. Now I think if I don’t get used to it, get control of it, I’m more likely to make the same mistakes he did.”

Todoroki flexes his left hand, frowning.

“You’ve come so far, you know?” Izuku says, before he can stop himself.

Todoroki meets his eyes. He’s familiar and strange all at once. Even now that they’ve spent more time together, Izuku can so rarely predict what Todoroki will say or do, just that he likes him, likes the strange angles of him, likes that for some reason he chose Izuku as the subject of his honesty.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Todoroki says, but there’s a softness there, like gratitude.

“I don’t know if it ever does,” Izuku answers, thinking of all the times this year he’s been told that he’s making progress, and how sometimes he’s still convinced that he’s exactly the same on the inside; the same friendless nothing who spent his lunch breaks cowering in the library. “I just feel so guilty for being mad,” he says. “Even if I just sit with it and don’t do anything, it feels so…dangerous.”

The notes in his hands bring him back to that day in his room, trying to be angry on purpose. “One time I messed up one of my notebooks when I was angry, and even though it’s just paper, I felt so bad…I can’t think about anger without thinking about damage, you know?”

He looks up from the notes, from his own scarred hands, to find Todoroki watching him with a new intensity in his eyes. Immediately he wishes he hadn’t spoken, because of course Todoroki knows more about damage than he ever will. “I’m sorry-” he starts, but Todoroki shakes his head.

“I didn’t know anyone else thought about this the way I do. Especially you.”

Their eyes meet again and Izuku finds himself smiling, just from having spoken and been understood - it was still wonderful and new, every time, each moment where he realises he really does have friends. “Maybe there’s a class we can take?” he jokes.

“I think that’s just therapy,” Todoroki says, sounding thoughtful and disappointed in equal measure. “Tell me why you think you’re doing it wrong?”

Izuku gently sets the notes back on Todoroki’s desk, realising with another little leap of joy that he won’t be leaving for a while yet. He takes a seat and starts to talk about being five years old, about the time Kacchan pushed him over and the only explanation anyone could offer was anger.

#bnha fic #asks #itsa-mi #izuku midoriya #thank you for the prompt!!

[vcls]

look !! it’s valencia ‘v’ rivera !! she’s my favorite c-list stylist with  192k followers, even though she’s only twenty-six. i heard she can be undemonstrative and impatient, but i think she’s illustrious and passionate. when i first saw her, i could’ve sworn she was ursula corberó, but i’m sure she’s heard that before.

BASIC INFO.

FULL NAME: valencia rivera.

BIRTHDAY: september 14th 1994

ZODIAC: virgo

NICKNAMES: v, rivera, val ( by friends ), valencia ( parents ), cia ( by her sister )

HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 5′8, 130 lbs.

TATTOOS:  a few placed all over. working on sleeves

BASIC STYLE:  androgynous, more masculine than feminine, alternative

USUAL EXPRESSION:  resting bitch face or resting confused face

TRAITS: +illustrious,  +passionate,  -undemonstrative,  -impatient.

FEARS: letting her family down .

AESTHETIC: messy hair, under eye bags, takeaway coffee cups, scuffed up shoes, kind heart, unsent letters, 2am phone calls, late night adventures, long drives, worn leather jackets, doc martens.

TRIGGERS: negative mentions of her family, specifically her parents and sister

BACKGROUND & PERSONALITY.

valencia comes from a very loving home. she knows she’s incredibly lucky to have the family she does, her parents are still madly in love with each other and she couldn’t ask for a better relationship with her little sister. they are her world. 

growing up, the family were just comfortable. some months were better than others money-wise but they knew that no matter what they’d be okay because they had each other. 

as a child she found it a lot easier to get along with boys than girls. she enjoyed the adventure and play style most of the boys around her had rather than the girls. like imagination games and moms and dads was fun sometimes but she loved play fighting and getting muddy more... a thing that drove her mum a little bit crazy but she wouldn’t change valencia for the world!

gender norms weren’t a thing that val stood by either. she loved ‘boy things’ like playing sports, fighting, watching games with her dad and just being rowdy but she also liked playing dress up, giving makeovers, baking with her mom and being sensitive. 

all her life, she knew she was different. she could agree with her sister about the cute boys in their magazines and on tv... but she couldn’t picture herself ever marrying one. her sister would have crushes on various boys at school and v never found herself feeling anything. it all soon became clear though. and her name was sarah. 

from the age of 10 to 15, val and sarah were best friends and she was wrapped around that girl’s finger. they’d do everything together and quite clearly adored each other. it was so clear to everyone except val and sarah however that val’s adoration was a lot more than just from the perspective of a best friend. and it wasn’t until sarah had to move away that val realised her true feelings. she was heartbroken. the two girls wrote each other all the time but val never felt right confessing her true feelings to her friend. there had been a few times where she’d tried to write it out but always decided against sending them. 

she told her family about what she’d realised. she was a lesbian. they all took it well, her happiness being their only priority. her sister was a little bit taken back and took a little longer than her parents to come round but she was only 13 and didn’t totally understand the whole thing. 

being the 2000′s, being gay brought a lot of bullying and homophobia her way. older family members in spain even writing to her parents to tell them they need to ‘get her help’ to which her parents kindly told them where they can shove their opinions and let her continue to find herself. a lot of the girls at school treated her like she had some kind of disease and would refuse to be around her which made her feel like shit as you can imagine but she always pushed through with the support of her family. 

eventually, she came across a group of kids who didn’t treat her any different and supported her, some of them even being the same or incredibly similar to her. they opened her up to a lot of new things. new styles, new adventures, new music. and she loved it all. this group is why she is how she is today. they taught her about androgyny, about doing what you want and not giving a fuck about anyone else and about always being open and welcome to other people, even if you don’t totally understand them at first. 

all these years, one thing about herself had stayed consistent. she’d always loved a good makeover. she was the one her friends came to for their hair and makeup for parties/dates and she’d be the one they came to for style advice and she loved that! she showed a lot of promise, as told by her drama teacher who often recruited her for help with costuming and styling for school plays. so as soon as she was able to, v went to beauty school and grew her talents. 

never in a million years would she have thought this would get her to where she is today, stylist to the stars! and an incredibly popular one at that. fame isn’t a big deal to her though, she just happy to have a good job in an area she loves and being in a position to help her family out. 

relationship wise, val has always dreamed of having a connection like what her parents have but so far, her few short lived relationships haven’t exactly shown much promise. sometimes she jokes that she’s terrible at picking girls since they all either only like her because she has access to celebrities, only like her because she has a little bit of fame they can use or they’re just not great people! she still secretly holds out hope though.

v has gained herself a bit of a tough outer shell after all these years of dealing with rude celebrities, catty competition and just general homophobia. some find it hard to get close enough to truly know her beautiful personality but those that do know they have a friend for life in v. 

in her spare time she likes going to sport games, experiencing l.a, drawing and painting and occasionally going out with her friends. she’s very into politics and often attends protests, this isn’t something she usually talks about though like she prefers to just do stuff than talk about how she is going to or has done something.

her professional name is v rivera so to the majority of the people at shine, they would only call her v or rivera. she likes to save ‘val’ for her close friends, who are also welcome to come up with their own nicknames and ‘valencia’ is something only her parents call her (or sometimes her friends when she’s in trouble) and ‘cia’ is something only her sister has ever called because she struggled to say valencia when she was a toddler.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

sarah (this name can change): the girl who has always been a ‘what if’ in val’s mind. perhaps they lost touch and stopped writing to each other after a while? maybe they still write each other but just haven’t crossed paths again? maybe she also had feelings for val but was too scared to say anything or maybe she saw her purely as a best friend and we can find out her reaction to knowing the truth? maybe they could now be industry rivals and have to deal with the dynamic of their once best friend being competition? so much choice!

her sister: these two are as close as can be. they’ve had each other’s backs from day one and val would die for her sister no questions asked. 

best friends: your muse is one of the few in the industry who took the time to break down val’s walls and get to know who she truly is. you see the weird and wonderful things that go on in her brain and also the fire in her heart and embrace it all just as she embraces everything about your muse. ( would be open to probably 2 or 3 )

industry rivals: hollywood is cutthroat and there’s always someone better. these two have been head to head for a while. maybe they admire each other’s artistic ability and use that to better themselves? maybe they can’t stand each other and always want to one up the other out of spite? maybe they’re really good friends and a bit of healthy competition never hurts? maybe they were once good friends but the competition pushed them apart?

“boyfriend/husband”: this is valencia’s boy best friend. he’s her boy and if she were straight she’d marry the fuck out of him. they probably get each other valentine’s day gifts and make jokey relationship posts about each other on their socials. they have a lot of love for each other. they always wingman each other and bro out whenever they can. i also like to imagine val practising make up looks on him if she can’t picture how it’ll look on an actual person.

idk what to call it: they love to work with each other. so maybe an actor/singer/model/etc who whenever they’re given the choice will always ask val to be their stylist and if she’s available, val will always do it because they’re one of her favourites. they probably have a good vibe together and enjoy each other’s company and if they spent more time together would be great friends but maybe due to work they’ve never had the chance before?

ex-girlfriends: this has so much opportunity for plots and backstory so if you’re interested in this then we’ll have to talk about what went down and why things didn’t work.

exes who can’t seem to let go: (i’m v inspired by this song and need a plot like it) maybe they broke up because things weren’t working but they decided to stay friends because even though the relationship was wrong they still care about each other. and they keep trying to move on but everytime they see each other, something ends up happening even though they both know it probably shouldn’t.

flirtationship: maybe her and a straight girl or her and a boy or even her and a gay girl... they probably both know nothing’s going to happen but they enjoy flirting with each other. where’s the harm in flirting?

enemies: these two just don’t vibe together. it’s not a thing, it doesn’t work. backstory can be worked out but yeah, they’re really don’t get along.

#this is all over the place i'm v sorry #i just love her okay #and for right now delilah is on hiatus while i work out what i want to do with her #shineintro

[icharchivist]

perso-rant underneath and at first i intended it to be more light hearted but welp cant dive into myself without digging the bad stuff so just ignore this as rambling.

(idk if the cut works on mobile so as usual blacklist #ichapersonal to skip it , its quite long)

its night and im noisy and all but yknow part of the reason m/lb is such a healing show for me and i rewatch it every couple of days?

i cry everytime M.arinette's family is on screen pretty badly bc i get so envious all the time. i hate my shitty family (and often can relate to A.drien's ressentment) so just seeing such a /healthy/ family being often shown litterally brings me to tears. im like C.hat in the animan episode when he stares at the family picture with a sweet smile (another detail that stupidly make me cry who allowed th i s)

like. i dont relate to A.drien's relation to his family but some of the emotional effects is often a moment of "welp. mood." and being kinda sad /for him/ even if i can feel it for myself too. but then with M.arinette's family everytime they get to be on screen i realize how happy this sort of dynamic makes me and it makes me /so envious/.

like my mom is an artist and an excellent cook but she always barred those interests from me bc it was /hers/ and it was for /her ego/ and this attitude just killed every curiosity i had and remplaced it with a complete unability to care.

i used to bake as a kid but my mom was always shutting down everything i was doing, and if i was asking for help or recieps she would just tell le "it's a secret just watch " and never letting me know tf she was doing so i stopped lmao. everytime ive tried meals since it was only for myself and with a hard mocking from family and mom saying she had a better recieps and i should just let her do so i dont even try it often. (moreeven now that the kitchen is opened to the living room and they're super judgemental when im in it)

i was messing with drawings and paints in her workshop when i was a kid but she would always point out flaws and take my tools to correct it without telling nor showing me how and it killed it, it took me until my 14yo to start doing mindless doodles and then my breakdown when i was about 20 to seriously try back to draw and do art and try different tools (until my right hand made it impossible for me to hold a tool and the failure still feels yknow)

i wanted to sew things and make clothes (at the time for my dolls) but my mom was never letting me touch the tools (that we HAD since not only she made clothes but her mom actually had a fabrique shop. like. right next door. i think it became part of my mom's trauma hating her mom and refusing us to connect with her, more so with what happened when i was 7 and we lost contact with them but still, the damn irony. and i cant remember if my grandma ever let me close her sewing material but i was a damn kid after all) so this is another thing i didnt pursue

i wanted to pick up music (piano mostly) bc my uncle is a musician but my parents never wanted to invest in that because they already gave a piano to my sister (that i wasnt allowed to use) so ye that was dropped lmao

and i started to write when i was about 11 and it was that /one thing/ i didnt need help for from anyone, completely self taught, with my own ways and tools, and my parents were always dismissive of it, never listening to me, always telling me it wasnt important, that i should focus on something else, and after other circumstances that added to that i dropped writting around my 17/18yo and it had been painful to even try to write again since.(i came back to writing around my 20yo a bit before my breakdown but after it happened it started to die out and i felt exhausted and stopped after a few months and since then i've never been able to pick up writing again ay.)

(and im not touching the obsessive elements bc like- the fact she does it for her crush makes it different, but the sort of things she does? taking pictures and putting them everywhere in her room when she hyperfixates, making overcomplicated schedules and such? i litteraly do that with fiction. i made a freaking timeline for this show. i am currently working on organizing codex from d.a and an approval guide for christ sake. and im not talking about my multiple fandom shrines in my room and the fact i legit have one for m/lb made from pictures found on merchs.

or also the fact i have a lot of passions i'd love to share and seeing M. play video games with her dad for exemple makes me so bitter when all i get is backhanded insults from my parents when i bring it up.)

So sometimes i see M. and part of me is just in awe, loving everything about her. the other part of me tho... i feel... a bit robbed? like she's such a creative kid, she's incredible and she inspires me everyday, and i cant help but think how i would have adored her when i was a kid. (im not even kidding, as a kid i requested my mom a costume of black cat for h.alloween and a l.adybug costume for the carnaval. i have pictures of that at my dad's place sadly it kills me. also my room when i was a kid used to be covered with l.adybug stickers like. HELL my mom doesnt care about my interests but last year she bought me a M/LB winter callendar (bc its been years i was mentioning i wanted one, a selfish whim but oh well) and i had a huge double take bc i was certain she didnt remember me talking about this show- and she did not. when i asked her why, she legit told me "because she reminded me of you as a kid with your pigtails your obsession for l.adybugs". like!! i cant even stress how kid!me would have adored this show and especially LB./M.) (the pigtails too this time i have proofs around there i used to carry them all the time until i was bullied for it at school. (bullying at school instead of good friends also adds to the difference in question tbh lmao))

there is something so... weird into seeing the parts of yourself that you cut yourself from in a character, and see that the main difference is because of how the family (and bullies) treated those elements so drastically differently.

my family was always neglectful but differently than A.. the things i relate to with him is how he specifically still holds on hope that his father will do better at least just for one day and his reaction when he's left down saying he's just used to it. and like normal, not every kind of abuse are the same and all but i still relate enough to feel sad.

but M. is always a whiplash of feelings like i could have been this sort of girl in a better environment.

at 13/14yo she was already making stuff up, baking, designing clothes, doing art, she was doing so many things, even forgetting the superhero part. she was being happy being a creator at her pace and with encouragement. at 13/14yo i was starting to show concerning signs of d.epression because i was trying to handle my parents's divorces and the multiple trials that followed that /i/ had to handle by finding middle grounds, allowing some of my father's blackmail to avoid worse, and by litterally having to collect infos from mails everytime to prove against some of his arguments to the judges. and my sister refusing to talk to us for a year, which caused us basically to feel very bad thinking of the eldest sister who ran away from home, and having to handle my father's harrasment and emotional abuse of constantly belittling me (fuck this was the age he legit told me i would probably end up a p.rostitute so ye!!! fuck that!!!) andd the fact my mom was also falling apart from all of it on me and i was always supposed to cheer her up while i was having a hard time in a new school and new environment away from the very few friends i had and again feeling abandonned by my sister which freaking sucks after already had suffered that from our eldest one.

but M. makes me cry every. goddam. rewatch. its like maybe the ultimate wish fufilling story of just how i would have loved my family to be. of how i think i could have turned up.

and that realization hits so badly everytime.

there's a thing with my hyperfixations where i'll always find a way to tie it back to my traumas. i dont know if im pulling straws, or if the things are there. for having watched m.lb when it came out unfazed and only got hit with that realization upon rewatching- i feel it was more me realizing "there is something there that is touching me more than before" and having an introspection to get it.

and i think the difference is that- before my breakdown the characters and stories i related to where the eternal optimistic-yet-damaged "never give up!" type of characters. When things started to go downhill to my breakdown and since then the fictions that talked to me the most were all dealing with guilt coming from toxic environment that werent your fault per se but you pierceved that way. my way to relate were to characters who felt deeply connected to their guilt (peak being c.loud of f.f7 that even topped it with the deadly skin disease making him lose will to live (because ye that happened. still hate to watch out for that so ye), and memories issues, you would have told me at 13yo when i first watched that movie that this would be what i would relate to him about 7 years later i would have laughed at your face.), which translated with pushing people away and self destructing habits.

and i know i watched m.lb the first time around that time, when i was 20/21. and that may be why i didnt feel that. that my concerns were too elsewhere to realize that. That i was too focalized on how i felt like i failed by suddenly breaking under the pressure, having all the things i've kept burried kicking me out at once, and that i couldnt afford to be a burden to anyone. and it translated with me loving characters like that because in most cases their friends ended up reminding them of what was important - and sometimes just getting frustrated about your fav being as dumb as it forces you to pull yourself back together lmao. not always working but it was there.

now im 23. i cut ties with my father for about 3/4 years now, with all the shitty things that ensued out of the last trial where he sued me and his still-happening harrasment (sometimes silly sometimes scary). My mom and step dad are suffocating me more and more everyday. my health had become so disastrous i cant even manage to go school or find a job. And more than ever im frustrated and angry.

and i think it may be a shown of recovery? perhaps linked to therapy? of while i still have guilt of falling apart- /they/ are the reason i fell apart. and I'm yet to have proper apologizes for it. i grew furious at my family. of how much i feel robbed.

lately im so angry at everything i lost, was taken of, stolen childhood all of that- because of my parents, mainly. (hell even the bullying at school - in primary school it apparently started bc of gossips about why my eldest sister ran away from home, and in middle school it was first bc my parents insisted on sending me to private school where i was an outcast. which then had me truly embrassing the outcast persona that had made it impossible for me to be at peace in the two others middle schools i went to. highschool saved my social life tbh).

i think it's therapy and recovery that is making me shift the blame and feel so angry at them. so bitter. and suddenly i see in an innocent kid show a "what could have been". same starting personality, different people to channel this.

and this is. frustrating.

but it makes me love it even more. idk if its driving anything else than ressentment but at least for the time of an episode I'm in a bubble of a.lternative universe where i can forget about my life and feel satisfied at once.

like finding a piece of myself that i deliberately broke and burried to never think about it again, and realize far later how it missed to the whole, and how damaged this piece is now, but still is.

and there is something incredibly healing about that. i would never have thought there would be this much healing out of this anger and yet satisfaction. what a strange feeling.

fiction is funny that way. the things people can get out of it to deal with their own psyche are so different one person to the next.

it's just so weird for me to go from "i relate to the horrors this character went through" to "and fuck those horrors. let me think about what could have been if this didnt happen."

even moreso knowing i had this piece of fiction before and didnt approach it that way. there's a time and a mindset for everything. apparently now was the best mindset for me huh

.......

so ye apparently i cant like something like a normal person and have to go on about how it connects to my deeply rooted traumas lmao.

anyway it's been eating me up for weeks now and it's 4:45am i have absolutly no impulse holding me back. if you sat through this piece of work im sorry. just needed it to get it out of my chest.

i'll go back to hugging my cheap-yet-lifesaving c.laire's l.adybug pillow now

good night o/

#ichapersonal

[carelesstemper]

The Overthinker

I got left on seen. I hate that fact so much. It makes me angry that someone could just look at this piece of text that I’ve contributed to a conversation and decide not to answer me. 

it wouldn’t bother me so much if it was someone I didn’t like. 

but, this guy... there was something about him that made me really wanna invest in a conversation or two. He’s cute, nice, my age. tall, and shy. And It’s not like I just found this random guy to sink my claws in because trust me that’s not how I work, but he came to MY till at MY job and flirted with ME and made me really think about it for a few days. 

So when I messaged him first I knew I was going to be left on read but I did it anyway. The bright side is at least he didn’t leave me on seen at “hi” which was what I was expecting.

I think I put too much on the table without putting too much on the table. What I mean is I might have said it would make my day if he visited me at work. That’s not bad right? I don’t believe it’s too bad. 

Then I got left on seen. This is where the spiral started. Maybe I came off needy? Maybe I didn’t make sense to him? idk. 

It’s fine I guess. I’m just kind of mad that it affects me this much. I’m mad that a little tiny thing like that upsets me. 

I know that I shouldn’t be thinking I’m missing out on something but that’s literally how I feel right now. It should be the opposite. 

I hate that this happens though. I have so much hope too soon and then when it obviously doesn’t work out I get upset. I spiral into my old ways of thinking. 

I used to believe that there was a reason I’ve never had a boyfriend. I used to think that nobody wanted me because I’m just that untouchable. That I was so ugly that it wasn’t even worth it trying to get to know me. It’s been a struggle to shake that way of thinking because I was put in that narrative in school by my classmates. It’s been about five or so years since I’ve been around those bullies and so it sucks that I still think about it and look at the ways its affected the way I see myself and any relationships. It’s hard trying to be this normal confident person when I’ve been around so many people who believed I wasn’t. I guess eventually you believe it too.

I’ve come a long way since then though, and I fully believe that I shouldn’t be feeling the way I do because I do love myself. I’ve built up a certain level of confidence that no boy should ever be able to ruin.

So, that’s kind of why i��m here. The thought of being unimportant to someone or annoying triggers me and I figured writing it out would be better than keeping it in and making it worse.

in conclusion, yes I got left on seen by a boy who might have shown five minutes of interest but I am a bad bitch. I am amazing, loving and beautiful and I will never forget that. I deserve love just like everyone else and if he doesn’t see that then thats on him NOT me. Carrying that burden is something that I don’t have the strength or time for. Sure, it would be nice to be wanted by somebody for once. To have someone want my attention as much as I want theirs and at this point idk if it’ll ever happen but I’ve also learned that looking for that attention and love just brings you mistaken affections or false infatuation.

It brings you a hollow shell of what you crave the most.

#wishful thinking #rant #minirant #boy problems

[radicalseabies]

Why do people like Bakugou? I've not finished the series yet, but does he get a redemption arc or mellow out or something later on? Idk I'd like to know why the guy who told Deku to kill himself and bullied him and others has so much love.

y’know, the mangaka himself, horikoshi, once said in an interview he’s actually surprised at how much people ended up loving bakugou, because he was written to be such a horrible, unlikable person. and well, i mean, he is!! but imo, unlikable people can make for some of the most interesting characters in fiction.

first things first, bakugou is a very problematic individual, there’s simply no denying that. he’s loud, obnoxious, aggressive, extremely rude, and yes, he once even told deku to kill himself, which is a truly despicable thing to do. but something that’s very important to understand about all this is that he’s actually very rarely, if ever, praised or rewarded for this disgusting behaviour. his rude outbursts are, more often than not, played for laughs at his expense, his callous actions have cost him on numerous occasions (and it’s happening more as the story progresses), and almost nobody in the class likes him as a person. everybody thinks he’s horrible and unpleasant to be around, and his old friends from middle-school are even shown calling him out shortly after telling deku to kill himself, saying that he went overboard. (as well as deku remarking to himself that it was a very stupid and awful thing to say).

but in spite of all his terrible, negative traits, this boy is also really strong, and smart as hell. he’s got the 3rd highest grades in the whole class, meaning he’s serious about his school work, and he’s unshakably committed to his goal of becoming the strongest hero, and he’s got the strength, fighting skill, and drive to back it all up. he’s constantly trying his absolute best, and while his UA classmates all think he’s a complete asshole, they DO respect his strength, his keen intellect, his skill for tactics and battle, his passion for victory, and it actually inspires them to get them fired up, wanting to do the best that they can do as well, whether they like him as a person or not.

in answer to your question, i think one of the biggest factors playing into the fans love of his character is his backstory. he doesn’t have your typical tragic backstory that an angry, aggressive character of his archetype usually has. there’s no dark, traumatic past. no villains killed his family or anything like that. 

basically, bakugou is mentally ill.

katsuki bakugou was a gifted child who was told constantly from a young age that his quirk was amazing, that he was amazing, and he grew up believing it, believing he was better than others, and it warped him. he grew into a self obsessed, cruel, obnoxious child with a superiority complex, believing himself to be the best and that everyone else around him was just trash. his ego, so twistedly convinced of his own ability and superiority, he detested the idea of ever needing help from anybody, which fed strongly into his hatred and, yes, fear of deku, the only person in his life who ever treated him differently.

“you looked like you were asking for help”

and then he eventually enrolled at UA, and the little world he’d been living in finally came crashing down around him as he was sucker punched with the reality that this whole time he was really just a big fish in a small pond, and his superiority complex began to violently twist into an extreme inferiority complex. the rug had been pulled out from his feet and he was now surrounded by people who were just as capable as him, if not more so, and who, rather than worshipping him as the coolest kid with the coolest quirk, actually thought he was a kind of a douche.

not to mention deku, who he believed to be quirkless and the one person he hated the most, suddenly had a powerful quirk as well, and was now able to compete with and even surpass him in ways he never imagined. had deku been playing him for a fool this whole time??

all this clashed very harshly with everything he had come to believe in so strongly, and, understandably, caused him a lot of extreme confusion, anxiety, resentment, and most notably… Anger. his whole life has turned upside down and he has no idea how to handle it. so, being the person he is, the person his life up until this point had nurtured him into becoming, his natural instinct is now to blindly act out very… (excuse the pun)… Explosively.

he figuratively (and sometimes literally) blasts away anything and everything that doesnt agree with his perceived image of how things should be. he’s spent his whole life believing he was the best so FUCK IT, now he’s GOING TO BE THE GOD DAMN BEST!! his classmates dont like him/make fun of him/think he’s a dickhead?? WHATEVER, SHUT UP YOU DAMN NERDS!! I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYWAY!! deku, the useless, annoying kid from his childhood is now standing in the way of his goal of being number one?? DEKU YOU DAMN NERD, I WILL DESTROY YOU!!

but… what has this aggressive and anti-social attitude actually achieved for him so far?? honestly, very little… in fact, this behaviour has been doing him a lot more harm than good in the long run, not just professionally, but for his own safety, and his mental health too. (i’d absolutely go into a lot more detail here but you mentioned you’re not up to date so i don’t want to spoil too much)

some people might say this all just sounds like an spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum, and i guess on some level, that’s probably true. but in my opinion, the bottom line is it’s not his fault. taking something all might says about him in chapter 121 and expanding on it slightly, i believe bakugou ultimately ended up the way he did through the failure of his upbringing. the failure of the adults in his life. if he hadnt been told so continuously from a young age that he was amazing, and then left unchecked for so long, if maybe people were more firm with him about his behaviour from a young age, perhaps he may not have grown into such an angry, messed up person.

but in spite of all of this, as i mentioned earlier, this boy ain’t dumb. he’s smart as hell. it’s taking him a long time to realise it, blinded as he is by all his confusing emotions, and it’s taking him a long time to work through his issues and do anything about it, but he is changing. slowly. slowly, but believably.

bakugou, in my personal opinion, is one of the most interestingly written characters in the series, and it’s been very fascinating and rewarding to watch his gradual development over the course of the story so far. he certainly hasnt done a 180 or anything, he’s still a very loud and very angry boy, but he’s slowly beginning to change in a number of subtle, nuanced ways. bakugou now is remarkably different than bakugou as you see him in chapter 1.

one last thing to consider, is how relatively early we are in the story compared to the grand scheme of things. i believe i heard somewhere that horikoshi once said a while back that the story was roughly 20% done, which lead people to project the manga would run for approximately 500+ chapters, at least, and we’re only at 146 now at the time of this writing. 

bakugou is the 2nd most important character in the story after deku, the protagonist. so much of their development is built around each other, and it wouldnt make sense, narratively or realistically, for a character like bakugou, the way he is and his overall importance to both the story and dekus own development, to change too much in too short amount of time. a character arc like bakugou’s is one that will be played out slowly, but surely, and most importantly, satisfyingly. he will change. little by little. he is changing. he has changed already, and he will continue to change.

sorry this got really long, i just really like bakugou. i understand where some people are coming from when they say they don’t like him. that’s completely fair, liking a character is completely subjective, especially a character as prickly as bakugou is. but i just hope those people know he’s more than what he seems.

#anonymous #ask seabies #bnha #katsuki bakugou #boku no hero academia #long post

[softshouyous-archive]

2,3,4 6, 11 and 12!!!!! for the anime asks >:)))))

omggg hello jen!!!!!!!!!💖💖💖 i love and miss you and i hope you’re doing great💛💖💓💞💕💫

2. worst anime you’ve watchedhmmmm i don’t think i’ve ever watched an anime where i was like ‘omg this sucks major dick’??? so i’ll instead choose the anime that interested me the least, which was sn/k (sORRY) 

3. favorite character from your favorite animegood god,,,, what a loaded question,,,, well see it’s a tie between haikyuu and hxh (i was talking to my brother about our fave anime the other day, and he was like ‘no it’s haikyuu’) (didn’t even tell me why gfdhkjgldf) so 

haikyuu: hinATA MY BABY SUNSHINE BOY hunter x hunter: uhhjkglll this is so hard because i LOVE ot4 for different reasons gkjdflgjdfk but probably killua??? 

4. least favorite character from your favorite anime((lmao there’s two number 4′s so i guess i’ll do both??)) uhhhh man i know there have been characters that i’ve passionately hated LOL hmmm probably illumi from hxh??? i feel like there’s probably another character who i may have disliked even more klgfdjgd

4. best ending of an anime you’ve watchednot sure if this means anime ending (like song) or the end of an anime,,,, hm,,,, most of the anime i’ve watched are still ongoing (i think this shows that i don’t watch a lot rip) but maybe hxh??? while i’m not sATISFIED with it, i kind of am okay with killua and alluka travelling together because that means they get to spend time with each other!! and even though gon and killua aren’t together, that’s okay because of cOURSE they’re gonna meet up again!! and as for kurapika, i mean i think it was shown that he was searching for the kurta eyes, so i’m glad that he’s doing that i guess?? and leorio going to med school, my son,,,,,, i’m proud of u 

6. favorite opening sequencegod i don’t want this to all be hxh,,,, i feel like i love haikyuu’s openings because they’re so pretty/the music is so motivating, and i always feel so Refreshed after listening to them!!

11. worst 5 charactersoh man i can’t reMEM 5 CHARAS I DIDN’T LIKE GJKLFGLFK 1. (no order btw) illumi from hxh2. bomber from hxh can eat my dick too3. oH mineta from bnha4. endeavor can eat 10 dicks, burning dicks 5. i didn’t like kabuto from naruto LOL so mean omg

12. most underrated charactero m g !!! uhhhhhh i feel like an underrated chara (idk about most because this is the first one who came to mind) is def lee from naruto!! when i was younger, i didn’t really like him?? like i thought he was weird and okay, but now i’m like??? wtf??? i love??? like he was literally born unable to use gen/ninjutsu and he got bullied for it :/// but even so he still believed that he could be a Great Ninja and did a lot of crazy work out shit with guy that i’m just like???? uh i can’t do a handstand let alone walk on my hands???? and yeah he just tries and works so hard it’s so admirable,,,, and even when he got Fucked by gaara in the chuunin exams and tsunade was like Um Babe,,, you’ll never be able to continue the path of a Ninja, and i Shit You Not, if i watch that now i will cry and cancel my entire life like i will shut this shit down. but even still he was like!!! um!!! i’m still gonna be a ninja, sorry!!!!!! and he really,,, did that,,, like he has such a huge amount of perseverance and determination and work ethic,,,, it’s unbelievable,,, and i know people probably see him as comic relief or some weirdo but i think he’s Great and i love him and his eyelashes 

#lee's eyebrows are hilarious #and his eyelashes are cute i know that sounds weird but listen #also yeah anyway #thank you for asking again jen!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!! #lvoemoonbin #lovemail

[kikistiel]

Hi I love you let hp au! Question, what do you think about the sortings rap mon did? I'm pretty much fine with all of them except Jimin in slytherin. He seems more like a hufflepuff to me..

Hi thanks! Glad you like it! I agree with Namjoon’s sorting 100%. He knows the movies, he know the members better than I ever will, and I trust his judgement so…

About Jimin. I have some thoughts on Slytherin!Jimin and why I think he fits there so perfectly. These are just my personal opinions, coming from a die-hard Hufflepuff and someone who has been a Harry Potter fan since the second book came out when I was in the second grade and if you don’t agree that’s totally cool, but I really really think 

Jimin is a perfect Slytherin.

First, I think I’ve finally pinpointed the reason why so many people are against Slytherin Jimin. I’ve seen it in arguments on other mediums and all of the social platforms when the post-it first came to light and I’ve seen it only being reinforced in the tags on my HP AU. And a lot of this blame lies on how JK herself wrote Slytherins in the series: 

A lot of people still think Slytherins are inherently mean, cold people.

Or that they only look out for themselves, are too cut-throat, step on the little people to get to the top, and the like. In the books, save for like… a handful of characters, they are portrayed this way. I mean… in the battle of hogwarts the entirety of the school was like ‘NAUGHTY SLYTHERINS GET THE DUNGEON TREATMENT!’ bc a small portion had family members who were death eaters. People assumed they were the bad guys. Even in the first book, Ron says “There wasn’t a wizard who went bad who wasn’t in Slytherin”, reinforcing the idea that Slytherins are, at heart, ticking time bombs waiting to go evil.

The fact that people think Jimin is ‘too nice’ or ‘too kind’ or ‘too sweet’ to be in Slytherin is really… worrisome. It makes me wonder – people are really quick to sort Yoongi in to Slytherin and have next to no problems with it, but suddenly Jimin is too nice to be there? What are you trying to say about poor Yoongi here??? omg 

It’s true that some characteristics Slytherins tend to share are personality traits seen in typical villain characters, but I think we tend to take Hogwarts houses’ traits a little too black and white. People can be in one house and still share traits with other houses, or be in a house and not represent it at all:

Hermione, she was considered the brightest witch of her age. She got top marks and was incredibly intelligent. But she wasn’t in Ravenclaw?

Harry was SUPPOSED to be in Slytherin, and the biggest damn reason he wasn’t was because he specifically asked the hat not to put him there. Dumbledore even told Harry that he possesses all the characteristics of a Slytherin.

Peter Pettigrew was put in Gryffindor – but he was a coward who ratted out his friends, causing their horrific murder and really like the whole plot of HP

Lockehart was a Ravenclaw, but the only thing he was exceptionally skilled in were memory charms, other than that he’s shown as being kind of an idiot

Horace Slughorn, a Slytherin, who on the surface displayed many traits of Slytherins like “collecting” students to further his reputation – actually deeply, deeply cared for those students. He cared especially for Lily Potter, a muggleborn. And he fought in the Battle of Hogwarts!

All those asshole Hufflepuffs, who are supposed to show kindness and fairness to those even outside their house, bullying Harry when he ‘took’ the spotlight away from Cedric in the Triwizard Tournament?

Not all Slytherins are assholes. Not even most of them are. Why would people put up with an entire house of asswipes? They wouldn’t. omg

okay cool thanks for the lore lesson but what does this have to do with Jimin

Slytherins, by definition,

tend to be ambitious, shrewd, cunning, strong leaders, and achievement-oriented. They also have highly developed senses of self-preservation. This means that Slytherins tend to hesitate before acting, so as to weigh all possible outcomes before deciding exactly what should be done.

So like, looking at it closer:

ambitious, shrewd, cunning

Jimin pursued a career as an idol, he trained as a dancer, he’s a natural born performer on stage. I mean you can see his drive and ambition in every performance he does. He’s a perfectionist, and he doesn’t settle for anything less than that. Who else do we know is a perfectionist when it comes to their craft who is also in Slytherin? Also, trainee days are a cut-throat business. He was in a group where people were getting added and cut left and right. He had to have some cunning and sense of self-preservation to keep himself around and not get eaten alive/walked all over.

They also have highly developed senses of self-preservation. This means that Slytherins tend to hesitate before acting, so as to weigh all possible outcomes before deciding exactly what should be done.

Jimin is an extremely calculating guy, much like his Slytherin-brethren Yoongi. He’s extremely socially conscious, look at how upset and flustered he was on King of Masked Singer when he fucked up with properly addressing his sunbae. He’s grown up a lot since his debut days and he doesn’t do or say anything without thinking it through VERY HARD first. He isn’t really known for doing or saying anything problematic. He’s got a pretty squeaky clean history. Unlike other members who sometimes don’t always think as much as they should before they say something, Jimin (and Yoongi to an extent, save for one pre-debut tweet that got him in trouble) knows when to keep things to himself.

achievement-oriented

JIMIN IS A GOD DAMN HECKIN SHOW OFF. And the most Slytherin aspect of it all is that when he does do something, he expects you to damn well recognize it. Yeah, Jimin having a praise kink is a joke but…. is it? I mean really…. is it?

“Jimin you’re cute!” “Yeah I’m aware.”

“You’re so pretty!” “I’ve always been pretty, tell me something I don’t know”

lsdkfjlsdjkfl HE’S A SLYTHERIN GUYS

(Never forget that time on ASC when that girl said Jimin was his favorite and he literally got up from his seat to show how smug he was. Funny how his understanding of English suddenly becomes second to none when someone is praising him.)

Even when something isn’t about him, you better damn well make it about him. He sees someone else getting complimented and he’s like, wait – what about me?

you still think pure, innocent, sweet Jimin is too adorable and cute to be in Slytherin? Uhh:

every man for him fuckin self

will not play along with your childish antics

not afraid to correct you in front of cameras and laugh at you while doing so

will also make fun of you in front of cameras relentlessly LET HIM LIVE

is tiny but will still fite u

???? jimin is a monster

whatever this was

seriously jimin can be an asshole and i live for it (look at that last gif he’s so proud of himself??)

judgey mcjudgepants

look at who was the last to make himself look stupid for food (and look at who was the first! it’s that mean, cold, emotionally constipated old slytherin yoongi)

and here you can see a true slytherin and hufflepuff in their natural habitat

there’s so much more but i’m tired and this is too long already. Never get me started on Harry Potter house drama, I could go on and on and on.

also people say that we shouldn’t trust namjoon’s sorting bc he said he chose slytherin for jimin because of his eyes like… it’s a well known joke in the fandom that namjoon says some needlessly deep things for no reason at all and we give him so much grief for it and we’re just now giving his weird musings the time of day lol (I love you and your beautiful brain namjoon)

TL;DR?

if this gif set doesn’t convince you of the hufflepuff and slytherin kids idk what will

EDIT:

Here is why Namjoon is a Gryffindor and And here is why Jungkook is a Ravenclaw!

#bts #bangtan #jimin #btshpau #i'm using that tag in case someone goes through my au tag and is curiuos as to why jimin is a slytherin #ask #this is so long i'm so sorry but i got carried away i have a lot of thoughts about jimin and slytherin ok #Anonymous #long post for ts

[systmgltchs]

sYsTm gBbRsH: letting go

I don't know exactly how to start. Gah. The last few days of the 2018 had been very exhausting and enlightening to me. Thus, the struggle to write about this. Fuck.

Over the past few years, I've been starting to let go a lot of things in my life. I've let go of a lover, abusive and toxic friends, toxic relatives, bad habits, pets I really loved, ambitions, and a few more things. Although every goodbye crushed me completely, I came to learn that clearing up real estate in my life has been very freeing and shed some light on who I really am and who I really want to be. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a coward when it comes to letting go, but each time I run away or get left behind, I become braver walking this world alone. Everytime it's the same: you're gonna have to struggle at the beginning, but as time runs its course, you get used to it and you get stronger.

Which is why this time, I am ready to let go a decade of friendship with someone. And also limiting my energy and emotional efforts to a few others. Let me tell you how I got to this point.

I'm well-aware of her quirks since we've known each other for a long time. She's smart, eloquent, outgoing, fun, charming, and a goofball. I also know her bad parts, she's a bully, high-maintenance friend, sensitive Piscean, and a social climber. For years, I loved her for and despite all these things.

However, things changed since December 2017 at our circle's year-end party. I was then broke, tiny bit depressed, delayed in college, and still recovering from a breakup and my encounter with an abusive friend. My circle was one of the only best things left in my life so I really was excited about the trip. However, I had financial problems, and she came to the rescue. Treated me. I was grateful. And so we went.

It was all fun at first, but that didn't last long. Before we left our house after a whole night of preparations and shenanigans, I already feel something is off. But of course, being grateful for the treat and the excitement, I disregarded my hunches. I still gave in to the fun.

And so we go to the end of the road. I was bullied. The worst bullying I've ever experienced so far. Every damn time I open my mouth or try to help with the food and other stuff, she and my other friend either pokes fun at me or completely dismisses me. I was really upset. I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment. They thought it's fun. They thought it's no big deal since I am the introvert of the group and perhaps, the most submissive type. And the worse part is, since I was treated for the trip, I think it would be ungrateful for me to call them out or walk out. God, I don't even have the money to go home. So I just kept my mouth shut. I was silent. It was getting hard to hide my anger and frustration.

So to cope, I smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Whenever my hands are empty, I smoke. And they hated it deep down. Well, not all of them, but I'm sure she does. And so my lighter got lost. I'm sure she had it. Kept it. At first, I had no idea where it fucking was the next morning. I even asked the boys to find it with me. Nothing. I had a hunch that she took it because she have shown hate for my smoking the most explicitly among my friends. Hell, I don't even smoke at their faces. I usually smoke far away. But of course, I didn't jump into conclusions. Until, she pulled a move in the most foolish fashion. She handed me my lighter and told me she found it at the place where we scanned the most and has the least mess in our area. Total bullshit. So I took it. I was really upset. Smoking is a coping mechanism for me. Fuck. This is the only thing that kept me sane not only the entire trip but also to my crumbling life and she took it away from me. I was so angry. But yeah, got to keep it together. I've been more silent than ever. But I have already shown irritation.

I was so tired after the entire trip. I was also blind on the way home because the frame of my glasses broke. What a lucky bastard I am! I stopped talking to them for days. Didn't even bother to postprocess and upload the photos early. Because wtf, all that trip has given me is trauma. I've been friends with them for years, and I've never experienced such disrespect. The only good thing I can only think of from that trip is my self-control. Glad I didn't snap because my anger is so explosive it can immediately burn bridges. And I think theirs too.

I can never forget that experience. But because our friendship is strongly bonded and run by our yearly reunions and our colorful high school life, I chose to cool down and repressed that memory a little. So I uploaded the photos, laughed, and went on like before. But I know it's never going to be the same. As much as I want to forget, that's not me.

Fastforward a few months. We had another gathering. Unfortunately, I came early, and guess what, she's also an earlybird. So of course, the obligated small talk. Then suddenly, she changed the topic to the trip. She told me she was aware of what she did to me and she really was sorry. Hell, creepily, she even mentioned one of my Facebook posts that enlightened her to the incident. Ugh. The worst thing you can do to me is make me feel I'm being watched. Of course, as a delicate soul, I focused on her apology. God, I was almost in tears, but I tried hard not to cry. And so, rainbows and butterflies again. Or so we thought.

More months followed and we still had our reunions just like before. I tried to forget all the trauma and stuff but I can't. I also keep noticing that she's struggling to hide her inner bully. She was more calculated to me this time, but I can see a fluke. I realized that there's no going back to that trip on the fateful day of December 30th year 2017. I'm never getting any closer. And as much as I want her not to notice, I can't. I'm no liar. But not giving her a lot of evidences for conclusion that I absolutely am uninterested in being her friend anymore. Just going with the flow for the sake of the rest of our friends and the yearly tradition.

Despite this, a part of me still wants to try. Since we're getting older and mature, I had hopes that she might have changed her ways. Also, there was a lot of time we spent not talking or meeting each other since we've been really busy, so in the meantime, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

And guess what. I was wrong. Changed? Mature? Bitch, she's been slipping behind my back! A few months ago, my friends opened up to me about her. I was blown away. How changed she indeed is. My friend who is a board exam topnotcher told me that he was told by her to ditch the university he went to in his resume. Mainly because, the university doesn't belong to the biggest universities in the country. What the actual fuck. That university was integral to my friend's academic achievements and to all of us since we also went there in high school. That is also the place where our friendship blossomed. And just like that, just because it's not at par with the popular universities, she got the nerve to disrespect my friend's education, well, ours too.

But perhaps you're wondering, how did she get the nerve? Well, because she went to college in one of the most expensive universities in the province which is also very popular to be the home of the upper class or financially-privileged students. She lived amongst the richest kids, even got a boyfriend. And as much as I hate it to happen, it got in her head. Back in highschool, she was already arrogant and a total bragger (idk if it's a word), imagine what she has become now.

Intolerable. She keeps rubbing in our faces her lavish lifestyle and her rich boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with sharing our successes and breakthroughs in life, but she just can't stop bragging to the point that others' achievements get invalidated or get disregarded. Every opportunity she gets, she brags, and sometimes, we don't even know if they're facts. Sometimes, she brags even if it's unnecessary or does not contribute at all to the conversation. It is getting annoying and even some of my friends agree.

But the worst thing that completely threw me off happened on another December 30th, this time, 2018. She disrespected one of our friends. Now this may completely sound nonsense to them or some, but it really spoke volumes to me as I was talked about the same way in the past by my toxic aunt. She talked about my friend's body correlating to her current romantic relationship and was implying hate on my friend's hesitance on talking about sex. My friend was not around then. God, the disrespect. She was also making a controversy out of our friend's social media posts. What a creep. She haven't even felt bad or sad about her not attending the sleepover. Insensitive.

After that night which is now one of the worsts for me so far, I've never felt more exhausted in my life in a long time. I was so annoyed and disappointed not just on her, but my other friend who joined her in talking shit about our other friend. God. Instead of hitching a ride in her boyfriend's car, I chose to leave early and walk home. Our house was near anyways and I just want silence after a night of useless conversations filled with lust, desperation, and an overwhelming amount of bragging.

That day, I decided to let go. Even if we shared a decade of friendship, I'm very much willing to leave it in the past. This is no longer working and will no longer work. And I hate forcing things because we'll only get even more hurt and carry a heavier baggage in the future. So before some explosive fighting match happens, I am leaving it all.

Also, I can never forgive the trauma she and my other friend gave me. I don't think they're sorry at all. Why? Because they still do it to me. I can feel in my spine how they look down on me. I just feel small around them. But more importantly, I really feel bad for my other friends when they treat them with disrespect or insensitivity. They are so full of themselves that they refuse to see how the others are doing, feeling, their welfare, and their progress. Do you see that as friendship? I don't think so.

I think I've had enough of them already. Thinking about it, I never needed them. None of them ever went the distance to do me a huge favor nor our other friends. And after all those years of keeping them company and making their lives colorful, what ungratefulness they've shown not just to me, but to our other friends.

So.

Goodbye.

[blondeandbubblyent-blog]

BLONDE AND BUBBLY: 02.15

an in this episode: we talk about your favorite couples from the hills!

madi: hi sexies! i’m madison ware and you are listening blonde and bubbly! this week is the week of love and for that i have four amazing guest for you guys! but before i present them, i’ll tell you which fantastic champagne we will almost all drink today! so the bottle of the day is an Armand de Brignac Gold Brut. without further ado, i’ll tell you guys our four guests! we have kazi and mia, and jinyoung and atlas! two married and solid couples that i have the pleasure to be friends with. i’ll start to interview jinyoung and atlas, then i’ll finish with mia and kazi!

madi: welcome atlas & jinyoung on this special valentines day episode of blonde and bubbly! I'm so hyped to have you guys!! Lets start without further ado with the first question: how long have you guys been together?

jinyoung:  over eight months I believe or in about that

madi: how did you guys meet?

atlas:  we grew up in busan, south korea, together, going to the same school and all though we weren’t actually friends. i always had a crush on him but i actually bullied him quite a bit because i was dumb and couldn’t even be nice to him. he ended up leaving to start training at bighit and i never really saw him until i came to the hills and we reunited

madi: this is so adorable!  what's your favorite memory of you guys?

atlas:  i have too many memories to choose from but i think getting to go with him on tour and see him do what he loves. it was really amazing to see how outgoing he was on stage and how he and the fans interacted and he even came down from stage to kiss me at every show so that was nice

jinyoung:  oh wow there’s so many. but i believe my favourite was when I took him to a dog cafe. you should’ve seen the way be lit up.

madi: awww!  who's the messiest?

atlas:  umm probably me, jinyoung is a clean freak and always is cleaning the house

jinyoung:  him. he probably said something about me cleaning the house. i like things clean. plus it gives me something to do

madi: i see..  what's your biggest pet peeve about your significant other?

jinyoung:  his stubbornness, in a way. my god, can that man get jealous. I want to smack him over the head sometimes but it’s not major.

atlas:  probably that he doesn’t realize how beautiful and amazing he truly is, but i’m working on it. he will realize it sooner or later.

madi: this is so adorable.  what's one thing you like the most in your significant other?

jinyoung:  his eyes, they’re what made me fall in the first place. he likes to believe he’s not soft but I could see it in his eyes, they’re warm, like home

atlas:  definitely his heart, he has the purest and kindest heart i’ve ever witnessed in a person. he sees the best in everyone (even if i don’t approve of it sometimes) and always wants to help make people feel better and make the world a better place. he truly is an angel

madi: im going to cry this is too much.  do you guys have any special plans for valentines day?

jinyoung:  uhh not that I’m aware of. I don’t make a big deal out of it because I think if you love someone it should be shown everyday not just go all out on the one day. but with that i’ll probably do something for him, maybe not big but meaningful

atlas:  i do have something planned that he does not know about and it will remain a secret until further notice

madi: oooooh...  Where was your first date?

jinyoung:  an aquarium. I love aquariums. anything water related tbh. i don’t even think I talked to him all that much I was too into the animals, but it was fun and he was very sweet.

madi: i love aquariums too!  What's your favorite thing to do together?

atlas:  personally.. my favorite thing to do with him is make breakfast. Well.. I normally make the pancakes and he will make the tea or cut the fruit. We are super domestic and always do stuff around the house together and take our dog for a walk or play with our cats, but I’d say waking up to him and then cooking breakfast together is a big favorite.

jinyoung:  I’m stuck between two. mornings, waking up to him and making breakfast and then watching the stars. those are just us things. the little things.

madi: this is all very romantic, i love it.  thank you so much for participating in this episode of blonde and bubbly, it was a pleasure to have you guys! I have one last questions for you guys; if you could give any relationships advice, what would it be? Thanks again for coming!

jinyoung:  ahhh you’re very welcome madi thank you for letting us on an episode. and oh gosh okay, um my advice would be communicate. I know a lot of people say this probably but it really is a big part. talk to each other, it can be hard sometimes but in the end it’s better. don’t hide things especially on how you’re feeling. whether you’re uncomfortable, or wanna try something. be open minded and respect each other’s choices. don’t wait to say things, just say them.  

atlas:  oh man, I really suck at giving advice but I will give it a go. I guess… don’t look for love or a relationship, it will come to you naturally and maybe when you least expect it. It could also be the person you least expect it to be, but definitely don’t wait around and look for love because when it is time it will come to you and if it’s meant to be it will be so amazing and life changing

madi: very good tips guys! we’ll now welcome mia and kazi!

madi: hi guys! tell us how long have you guys been together? 

kazi: been together for over a year, been married for 6 months, been crazy abt mia ALL the time:) 

mia: 10950.012 hours 

madi: and how did you guys meet?

kazi: we met in a lil town called toronto n she was sayin i liked toes in my butt? i hadn’t even TALKED to the lady before.. then we started dming and quickly became enemies

mia: i stayed in canada for a few months.. like two.. when i was 19 and i ran into him at a bar [wanted to know if they had mozzarella sticks] where i saw him flirting with eight different girls at once they were all competing for his attention he took them behind the bar one at a time and boinked dem all and i thought to myself well thats NOT sanitary so i started a rumor in the bar that he liked toes up his butt and he got mad and said hey, u there, stop spreading lies about me and the rest is history

madi: what's your favorite memory of you guys? 

kazi: my favorite memoryyyy idk there’s so many..when she told me she was pregnant (that‘s in the top 3 happiest moments of my life), when we got married, the whole day leading up to when i proposed n then when i actually proposed.. when we were fighting for like 2 days but we said we’d meet up on the beach in malibu to talk n we talked ALLL night n fell asleep there (didn’t get kidnapped by pirates).. when we babysat for luke and kaia the day after i told her i like her.. see there’s too many i could keep going 

mia: idk i cant pick one mostly because i cant remember my memory is terrible but also because theres so many.. but uhhh.. probably when we spent all night being weird and taking notes on each other and he was educating me about the weeknd and other artists he loved cuz i was really getting to know him and know what he loved 

madi: who's the messiest? 

kazi: i’m gonna say FATTY is the messiest esp cuz that one time he took a shit under the dining room table n it stinked the place up but i couldn’t find the freakin poop.. lil trickster 

mia: my boyfriend jose

madi: and what's your biggest pet peeve about your significant other? 

kazi: when she’s a stubborn freakin BRAT n she KNOWS i hate saying no to her so she keeps goin til she gets what she wants but i’m toughening up.. 

mia: not really a pet peeve but it just bothers me that hes kind of a pushover.. he’ll let anyone and everyone walk all over him wish he’d be more assertive and just punch someone in the face if they mess with him u know (i dont condone violence) 

madi: what's one thing you like the most in your significant other? 

kazi: i cant pick one thing cuz i love n adore everything abt her.. but i’ll say that i love her amazing sense of humor, her natural and genuine kindness, and her beautiful perfectly sculpted yiddies.. 

mia: hes so kind and genuine and loving to everyone and everything hes also really undertanding and patient especially with me 

madi: ugh you guys are so cute. do you guys have any special plans for valentines day? 

 kazi: no not yet, last year we went to paris and since mia’s pregnant this year we can’t go THAT far out but i think i might have an idea cookin so it’ll be fun 

mia: i forgot valentines day was a thing 

madi: Where was your first date?

madi: What's your favorite thing to do together? 

kazi: i think we spend a lot of time eating together we’re always cookin or doin smth food related.. that’s when we’re not havin SEX!!!!

 mia: iono i just like when its me and him [and our dogs] and we just talk for hours about anything and everything

madi: thank you so much for participating in this episode of blonde and bubbly, it was a pleasure to have you guys! I have one last questions for you guys; if you could give any relationships advice, what would it be? Thanks again for coming! 

kazi: date ur best friend it makes everything a billion times better 

mia: stay single 

madi: and that is it for today guys! i’m so glad that you accepted my offer and cant thank you enough! thank you so much atlas, jinyoung, kazi and mia for coming and participating! this is a reminder that blonde and bubbly was created by me and sabine al-masri who we all miss. and a big thank you again to mia for our amazing theme on tumblr, make sure you check it out! my name is madison ware, i’m blonde and i had wayy too much bubbly so it’s time for me to say goodbye! 

#episode oo5.

[neworld17-blog]

fucktheworld

all i want to do is be happy but no one seems to give a fuck. i'm always the problem. parents don't know me. i'm fake. i don't even know who i am. i can't even try to fit in right. i'm not pretty. smart. funny. nice. i'm actually an awful person. i just need help. but there's no one to help me. parents won't listen. my one friend thinks it's stupid. idk what my other friends intentions are or if we're even friends. how do i get out? out of this fucking nonsense it's fucking retarded. i need some peace but i can't find it. things get better? ya... for a little while and then it came crashing down again. it started again. you know those things that sting when u shower and try to clean off your shame and guilt. i need one person. just one fucking person who is truly there for me. i can't even do that for myself. IM A FUCK UP. i didn't want to believe it but here we are. i'm terrified of dying but it feels like i'm already dead inside. what's the point of it all? the grades? the jobs? the money? to be on top? to be the best? i can't do that. i'm at the bottom. I WILL ALWAYS BE ON THE BOTTOM. im not the underdog or that quiet girl who sits in the corner and reads. i'm the girl who fucking tries her hardest for people to like her even a little but always comes across as annoying and trying too hard. i don't know how to feel happy anymore. i'm stuck with constant anger and sadness. i can't feel anything else. i don't feel love for my parents anymore. i really really want to but i can't. they judge me and put me down and idk if it's intentional but god doesn't it fucking kill me. idk how to make out relationship work. idk how. at all. but it's my fault that idk. i wish i had a close relationship with them both but how do i do that when their whole idea of me is a lie. i drink. i smoke. i do drugs. i have sex. they think i'm a virgin who occasionally sips coolers. idk what would happen if they found out. sometimes i wish they didn't like me. that if i messed up they would kick me out. give me a better reason to feel this way. but they do their best even if it's not good. i wish i could do my best. but i just can't care to. i care so much but the effort will never be shown. it stupid. i feel awful. mom, dad.. i'm so sorry i'm your daughter. you deserve so much better than me. everyone deserves better than me. i'm the crust on the pizza you don't eat, the song you skip, or the fucking buzzing sound that drives u crazy. i'm no good. not for me. not for anyone. i have no one. how the fuck did this happen? i just want things to get better. i want to be accepted for who i am. like the fact i don't like presents. or christmas. or travelling. THAT I DONT NEED TO LIKE WHAT YOU WANT ME TO. it's not my fault i don't like it. don't get mad at me for it. i'm always having to go with what people want. never what i want. it's just the way it goes i guess. constantly being told to be quiet because i'm too loud. i'm only loud because u don't listen to me. telling me to calm down and relax. ITS BECAUSE YOU NEVER FUCKING HEAR WHAT I SAY. it's never about me until there's a problem to blame me for. i'm sorry i cost u stupid money. i promise u when i'm older i will pay you back. i swear to god i will. i really wish you could have seen how well i was doing.. maybe not in school but i was so fucking happy. so god damn happy. u didn't care. u were just hung up on my happiness coming from someone who smokes weed. r u fucking kidding me. WEED? i've been smoking weed before i met her. and she's bad? u think i do nothing bad and i'm a "good kid" but i actually do bad stuff so if you knew would i still be a good kid or would i now magically turn into a bad kid? my happiness got cut short. i get the short end of the stick every time. u hang out with me ya but just while ur bf is at work. or before u get to see him again. i feel like u hang out with me as a favour now.. it feels like it's a task or a chore for u.. i'm sorry.. i'm just trying to stay close to you.. but i don't even know if we're close anymore. he's your boyfriend. your top priority. i get that. but when u literally see him everyday for a long period of time and you don't want to leave and hang out i get fucking sad. ITS A FUCKING BOY. when did i turn into someone that's there when he's not? use me.. that's fine.. just know that i notice. i'm a fuck up. no surprise there. but when do i get something i want? please just something that will last. i can't go thru this slow separation again. it fucking sucks. my hearts fucking broken and the pieces having fucking turned to dust. u can't fucking fix that shit. it's done. over. fucked up. how the fuck do i get that shit together again? i fucking don't. cuz nothing in life fucking works out. you ever wonder what you would do if you had 3 wishes..? ill tell you mine: -rich forever> y? because everything fucking involves money. no matter what it is. EVEN FUCKING WATER WILL COST MONEY. i'd always be financially secure. -for everyone having a hard time not to happen anymore. whether you're homeless, sick, being bullied, starving. to just stop. live in a fucking world where everything goes smoothly. -for my parents to know i really love them and am sorry for everything i do. i love and appreciate you guys i really do and i'm sorry for acting like i don't. i'm just trying to figure some shit out right now. please just know i would t want anyone else to take your place. if i had a bonus wish tho.. i'd wish for people to like me.. just enough for them to not look at me weird, judge me, talk shit behind my back, wave or say hey. i genuinely want to be liked. it's so fucking hard being the outcast in a group. i'm even a fucking outcast to the fucking outcasts. high school is a fucking nightmare and i'm just trying to make it thru. doing what i can. people don't think i notice them glare at me, laugh at me, look me up and down for my clothes or the fact i'm not skinny. i notice.. i'm sorry i can't be what you want either. BUT WHY THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER TO YOU IF I FUCKING WEAR UGLY CLOTHES TO SCHOOL DOES IT FUCKING EFFEXT YOU????? GO FUCK YOURSELF FUCKING SNOTTY ASS BOYS AND GIRLS. ill fucking judge u for your shitty ass personality that you're trying to hide in your fucking expensive clothes that your mommy bought. fuck this shit i'm sorry i just need a fucking sign that it's all gonna be okay. just one fucking thing. cuz right now everything is falling apart and idk what to do. please. i can't keep doing this everyday. i hadn't cried in months until now. i've cried everyday for the past 2 weeks. cry on the inside like a winner? i'm a fucking loser. i don't know what to do anymore. i can't fix anything. ...2017