#he said that he couldn't believe the terrible things the kids had experienced and he was clearly comparing it to his own | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imagine-lcorp · 5 months

Text

Perfect Sense (Part I)

Request

Soulmate AU, please? (With A/B/O you're comfortable?) Fem!Reader (or Gender-Neutral) hasn't experienced much in her life, other than the experiments CADMUS had done to her shapeshifting powers. All she knew of the world outside the facility was what she'd learnt in the stories a sympathetic scientist would sometimes tell her when she was still a kid, to calm her down during testing. After 2 decades the scientist had enough and helped her escape, landing her in the arms of another Luthor.

A/N: Aaaand here another request you guys, writing a few fics in parts due to how long they get to be at the end. Thank you to the lovely person that sent this one, I'm sorry it's been ages, i still hope you can enjoy it. Love you guys

Lena Luthor x Fem!R/Shapeshifter//Word Count: 2,413

-------------------------------------------------------

"Subject C-308, ready for testing." A voice sounded through the speakers of the room and immediately the lights went on, blinding your eyes.

You couldn't use your hands to cover your face. They were tied to your sides with restrains to the medical bed you were laying on. It was the same with your feet, where the restraints were even tighter. Silhouettes started to moved and hoover above you, all covered in masks, blue suits and white gloves, looking down at you.

"Phase one of Project Lykaon, subject C-308, ready for intervention." A deep voice, from one of the silhouettes said. "All things set. Ready to start protocol."

"Initiate procedure." The same voice of the speakers sounded and the figures above you started to move.

You would have wished to tell them about the lights, how bright they were and how they hurt your eyes. About the ties around your wrists and feet, how uncomfortable they were, but the gag in your mouth didn't allow it and before you could even think of making a sound, it all went dark.

That was one of the first memories you ever had in your life, and it looked almost the same for the rest of it. It was all uncomfortable restrains and chains, white walls and white lights, the constant smell of antiseptic and cleaning products, knives, syringes, and endless surgical procedures. With no contact outside four walls of that place that felt more like a cage.

A cage fit to held the animal you were sure you were becoming.

After each intervention, after each transformation, with this savage instinct inside of you always in the edge of taking control. You were more beast than human, they used to say and you almost believed them.

But Dr. Jeremiah wouldn't have any of it. He was a different memory, a kinder, softer reminder that you were indeed human. The only person to ever treat you with compassion.

Before your interventions, on those terrible moments when you felt the anger and fear building up inside of you, threatening to tear to shreds anyone that dared come near you, he would come to talk you down. Dr. Jeremiah seemed to understand, how you would have done anything to put a stop to it. The numbness, the tiredness, the overwhelming sensations and pain that came each time after you were taken out of your room. But he would talk to you, speaking softly, assuring you you were going to be just fine, because you were stronger than you thought.

He would come after the operations to check up on you, sitting beside your bed with a worried expression, telling you stories about what awaited for you in the outside world, a world that was bigger than an operations room and your own. A world full of wonders like grass, sunsets, the sunshine, flowers, snow, and love. Whatever those things were.

"What's love?" You have asked once. He had paused then and thought for a long moment.

"Love is when two souls find and want each other." He had explained.

"What's a soul?" You asked then.

"It's something inside of you. The strongest part of you, (Y/N)" He smiled, only he called you with a name. "Your soul is everything you feel, and when you feel something so strong for someone else that means you have found your soulmate."

"A soulmate." You have whispered and frowned, still unsure of that idea.

"You will know it when you see them. It will feel as if you have known them all your life and everything you have been through will make sense." At that moment you had been too young to understand what he meant, but you would do it in due time.

Years passed, you became older but he kept telling you those stories. The ones you liked more where about the people. People that didn't hurt others just because they had the power to do it. He would even speak highly of one scientist he knew, so different from the ones you had met so far. A woman he had met time ago, someone so kind and loving that you liked to imagine her sometimes too and dream about meeting her in the outside world, to finally know something else apart from the nightmare that was being trapped there.

The dream came true a decade later, when you had grown up so much that it took them more and more people to control you. Dr. Jeremiah had been right, you were stronger and even stronger than they thought you were. That was one of the few joys you had then, besides the stories Dr. Jeremiah retold for you. Your powers grew too, the size of your body as you transformed, the length of your claws and teeth, the range of your sense of smell, the vision of your eyes. More powerful than the child you had been once.

Still, it wasn't enough for them.

"I think you enjoy your time with her a little too much, doctor." The voice of a woman caught your attention as you tried to fight the numbness of the strong sedatives.

You had been injected after being taken to the testing room, after finding out you could take three men with a single swing of one of your clawed hands, to keep you under control.

"I'm just trying to be comforting. Seems to help with her neural responses." Dr. Jeremiah was as indifferent as he could be.

"Well, you won't have to worry about that for much longer." The satisfaction in that woman's voice was noticeable and also the way you seemed to respond to her, with a terrible feeling of submission that was difficult to shake compared to any other people. You never felt like that in the presence of Dr. Jeremiah. "Project Lykaon has been terminated. She will be taken to another facility, and you can perform her last surgical procedure if you are that attached to her."

"Are you sure you want to dispose the only test subject that has survived all the interventions, Lilian?" His word came with a hint of outrage and concern. "With her powers she could still-"

"I spent too many resources already on this project, doctor. Besides, she's still incapable of following directives from her superiors, even when she seems compliant at first. And we can't do much with only one successful specimen, can we?" The woman cut him off and there was a moment of silence before she spoke again. "There's no need for more interventions. She will be taken tomorrow. After her autopsy, we will see which parts of her can be salvaged."

After the conversation was over, you tried to open your eyes looking for Dr. Jeremiah but he wasn't there anymore. You felt a certain heaviness in your chest, but you couldn't dwell on it as the sedatives finally won over you.

You woke up after a deep slumber restrained to a metal bed, only wearing a simple set of pants and shirt. As your senses returned you noticed you were being transported through the dark narrow hallways of the facility you had known all your life, but there was something different this time. You still felt a fog clouding your mind and the heaviness in your chest came back. It lessened when you heard Dr. Jeremiah's voice, who was talking with the armed men that transported your bed, giving them instructions on where to take you.

You moved your head, trying to catch a glimpse of the place you were going and noticed those weren't the usual turns and hallways you had grown accustomed to. When Dr. Jeremiah noticed you were awake, he put a hand on your shoulder to calm you down.

After a moment the movement stopped, you were left looking at the ceiling while Dr. Jeremiah talked with the men. He convinced them of leaving you and him alone for a moment, before they had to put you in the van. The men left without much complain, and the doctor seized the moment to act.

"(Y/N), listen to me." He rushed to try to loosen up your restraints. "I'm not letting them take you. You understand?"

The only thing you could do was nod as he kept moving, loosing the restraints on your naked feet and hands.

"You must remain on the bed. Don't move until I tell you to." You nodded once again. You saw him then take a vial and a syringe from his pocket and prepare it. "This will counteract the sedative in your system, you will be more alert in a few minutes, but remember, don't move."

He had injected you just in time before the armed men came back. They pulled your bed around and finally pulled you into the back of an armored van. They sat around you, two men at each side, guns in hand, along with Dr. Jeremiah on your left, who kept an eye on you at all times. As the vehicle started to move you also started to feel less and less numb with each passing minute. You were aware of each bump of the road, hear the sounds of the city in the distance, and your sight adjusted to what was around you as you squinted your eyes to see, trying not to get noticed. Just when you felt like your body was completely awake, you started to wonder what Dr. Jeremiah would do. Not much time had passed but the minutes felt like hours as you tried to be still.

Then you saw movement. Dr. Jeremiah was pulling something out of his pocket, and you opened your eyes to see him better. He looked at you, nodding slowly and with a fierce expression. Almost like telepathy you understood, you had to get ready, and in a second everything turned into chaos.

Dr. Jeremiah, in a faster move than you thought him capable of, pulled a teaser and attacked the man next to him. Almost immediately the rest of the men responded raising their guns at him. However, they didn't expect you to act as quickly as them or even you breaking your restraints so easily.

You grabbed one of the men with your right hand by his bulletproof vest and tossed him against the other one. Your strength, without the need of transforming, was enough to leave them on the floor. You didn't get the change to feel pleased with your work as a deafening bang went off on the left side of your head. You screamed as you raised your left hand towards the last man remaining, ignoring the ache in your head you managed to slash his side and right arm with your nails, now turned into claws. He had tried to eliminate you, but Dr. Jeremiah had managed to push him before he could do it.

The van stopped abruptly and took a sharp turn that made you fall from the metal bed. With your restraints already loose, it was easy to free yourself from them but as you tried to recover from the fall you felt a dizziness making it hard for you to stand up. A hand on your arm pulled you up. Dr. Jeremiah was on your side hurrying you up before the back doors opened. You couldn't hear his exact words but it didn't matter, with the adrenaline running once the back doors opened and you looked at two other agents pointing at you with your guns, you went feral.

Bullets flew the moment the agents saw the enormous black figure lunching at them, but your white sharp teeth showing as you growled and your black nail claws heading straight for their heads were enough to put a final stop to it. You jumped out of the van, leaving two more bodies behind you. A couple of bullets managed to hit you in the chest and arms but you would be recovering quickly, interventions had been done to make sure it didn't take too long.

Dr. Jeremiah jumped out of the van a moment later, gripping his shoulder. You smelled his blood and approached him with a hint of worry in your transformed face.

"It's alright. I'm okay." He smiled softly at you and looked around the streets. They were empty and there seemed to be no people around. "You have to go now. More will be on their way."

You protested with a whimper.

"I'll be okay, don't worry about me." Dr. Jeremiah moved his hand to one of his pockets an pulled a small piece of black fabric. "Run and don't stop. Not until you find her."

You came close to it, sniffing the fabric he held for you. Many scents were mixed on it, from Dr. Jeremiah, from the woman he had talked before, and another you couldn't identify. It wasn't as different from the woman, but it was distinctive enough you believed you could find it without confusing the two. You guessed you had to search for another woman and, feeling like it was a sort of treasure hunt, you let yourself imagine you would find that scientist he had talked about to you years ago.

But doubt filled your head as you looked at him, wondering what would happen to him once you left. There was also that pressure in your chest once again, as you thought what awaited in the outside world now that you had the chance to leave all this behind. All, including him.

"I have to stay." Dr. Jeremiah said catching his breath. He raised his good arm at you, caressing the black fur of your head with his hand as a way of last goodbye. "You go now, (Y/N), go and don't look back."

You pressed your head against his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. The last comforting sound you heard before screeching tires approached in the distance. They were coming for you. You had to leave.

You ran, darting into the shadows of the city, focusing on the memory of the scent Dr. Jeremiah had given you. Moments later you heard shots behind you, but you had been too long gone for them to even catch the sigh of you. You hoped those hadn't been directed to the doctor instead.

You used all your strength and speed to wander between warehouses and factory buildings to reach the urban lights on the other side.

#lena luthor #lena luthor imagine #lena luthor x reader #lena x reader #lena luthor x you #lena luthor imagines #request #female reader #fem reader #perfect sense #part i #lena x you

189 notes · View notes

lollipencil · 6 months

Text

Finally Found

Ok, so this just drop kicked me emotionally. And then gave me an idea. So now, I'm going to wring every drop of angst possible from it :)

Enjoy and be gentle. ---

Randall experienced it in an instant. He was cold, so cold that the fact he couldn't breathe no longer mattered. And then he wasn't. He had been curled up on the grass somewhere close by in his new body.

It had been a Liepard who'd found him and explained. "It's a rare thing," he said, "Sometimes, humans die, but instead of moving on to where ever it is they go after, they are reborn as ghost types." A Yamask, that's what he was now. His old face forever memorialised.

But all he could think about was Marc.

What happened to Marc? Did he die, or did he make it out?

In the end, Randall's mind was made up. "I'd still be careful," Liepard warned just before Randall left, "It takes time for a human to become a ghost type. You should be prepared for a very different person than when you were alive."

Naturally, the first place he checked was their house. And received the biggest shock possible.

His dad had grown old. And the rest of the house was empty. No mom, and no Marc. "No much to see kid," came a voice from behind. Turning, Randall saw it was a Shuppet. "Most of the despair and pain's left this place, ever since the female human died. There is only regret here now."

Randall didn't like the implimcations of that, but he pressed on anyway: "I'm looking for my brother." The Shuppet's eyes drifted to his mask. "Oh. You're a Reborn. And you use to live here." The Shuppet's expression shifted to something unreadable. "I don't know much, but I know who does."

With little else to go off of, Randall followed the Shuppet away from his home. They wove through streets both changed and brand new until they came to an abandoned warehouse. Inside, was a little village.

Shuppets drifted to-and-fro around decorated milk crates. Long strips of fabric drapped over anything that stood tall and stable, creating little "rooms" that they would huddle in for sleep. Under a large tent on the furthest wall sat a Banette watching over the whole space before focusing on them as they approcatched. "Dad," the Shuppet greeted, "This kid's, um, I think he's- He lived in that house when he was-" "Oh," Banette understood inspite of the incomplete explanation, "Ok then, follow me lad."

Randall followed him into a small greenhouse, in the corner of which was a set of chairs. "Now, then. Where should we start?" Banette opened as they both sat down. "What happened to Marc?"

"I don't know everything that happened. Only what I could see. First imee I was at that house, it was a funeral of sorts, yours I suppose. There was a boy there, tried to come down. But the woman ignited in fury and grief, and sent him away. Everyday from then on, she would torment the boy for the littlest reason. I tried to get some others to help me absorb all that negativity, but the very sight of us made it worse."

Banette looked close to tears. "We could only watch as this cycle continue for years with minor, equally terrible differences. Until they reached the age of maturity and finally left. Until earlier this year. The woman died. And they came back. Couldn't make it to the door and left."

Randall didn't want to believe it. It had to be wrong. How could she? "Mom hurt Marc? And Dad didn't stop her?"

Banette shook his head, and Randall wept. ---

It had been two months since then. The idea of returning to that house, to a dad who'd looked away from Marc when he'd needed him most, was nauseating. So, Randall had stayed with them. He had a milk crate close to Banette and a small wristband collection. And the desperate wish to see his brother again.

It was two months after finding out, when the dream occurred.

A vast busling city was all around him, the people constantly moving. Voices blurred into one noise, faces of both people and Pokemon blending together.

And, at the centre of it all, was a figure dressed in bandages. A floating bird skull on top. The figure turned its head and pointed somewhere to Randall's right. Turning he saw the British Museum, as clear as day, the moon casting deep shadows over the pillars at the entrance. "Go," a voice boomed from all around, "you shall meet them there."

With a gasp, Randall's eyes snapped open. The younger Shuppets that had huddled around jolted away. "I need to get to London."

---

Getting to London was surprisingly easy. The more independent over-seas delivery services had a unoffical agreement: help with their deliveries, and if there are no issues that could occur from doing so, they would ferry any pokemon who wanted to travel.

The Corviknight had stared down at Randall while her trainer checked the list of allowed species, not unkindly but very intently. As soon as the human nodded, she relaxed. "Welcome aboard little one," Corviknight had pointed with her beak to an empty section occupied by a pillow.

The trip was longer than expected, but Randall was too occupied by his thoughts to notice. Something that Banette had told him before leaving had stuck with him: "When I first left to get help, I noticed something had changed when I got back. I wasn't gone for any longer than a few minutes, but it was enough that... Somehow one soul became three." The question of what that ment continued to trouble him until they arrived. Then it was swiftly overtaken by another concern.

How to get to the British Museum.

He knew how to find Big Ben, that was easy. But the rest of London was an tangle of streets and houses and shops, crisscrossing like veins.

But Randall refused to give up. Learned the layout of each street, each landmark. And finally found it.

---

The moon was full as Randall swooped down on the massive building. A pair of Munna twirled in the air above, laughing to themselves. Otherwise, it was utterly silent.

Randall crept across the courtyard. His eyes darted around for any trace of, anything really. A footprint. A item of clothing. Then came a voice. When Randall was right up to the door, a faint murmuring could be heard. Pressing up further, he could make out two voices. One human (obvious because that he could not understand them), and the voice from his dream.

"There is still a matter to attend to," the voice spoke to someone. The other person sounded irritated. "On the contrary," the voice purred, "I think you'll like it. All of you." The other muttered lowly but didn't appear to object.

Suddenly, a giant bird skull clipped through the door and stared at Randall. "Well? Are you coming?" the skull asked, the door swinging open slightly with a soft click. With a small amount of hesitation, Randall squeezed himself through.

The entrance inside was already big, but the main hall further in outclasses it instantly. A massive tower stands in the exact middle, a spiraling staircase following up to the top. Little sections around the edge of the room occupy the otherwise empty space between doors. And standing between the tower and the entry doors is a figure.

Clothed in white bandages like the lead in a mummy movie had walked stright off the set, with a hooded cape shadowing their face as if to show off the wide glowing eyes underneath. Somehow their breaths were audible even from where Randall was floating. They were clearly trying to say something but couldn't quite finish their sentence.

The bird skulled figure appeared at Randall's side. "Before you ask, no this is not a trick," he said, seemingly to them both, "it's really him." The implication clenched around Randall's heart: "Marc?"

The figure before him froze. Suddenly, the hood flopped down and the mask unrevaled. Even as glowing eyes dimmed, even aged past what he last saw, Randall knew that face. "RoRo?" Marc's voice preached the language barrier with ease. Tears filled Randall's eyes and, before he knew what was happening, he was in his big brother's arms.

He gripped linen covered armour as he wept from sheer joy. He could feel each shuddering gasp as Marc too wept, falling to his knees. But he daren't let go. Neither dared.

Eternity fluttered by, and they remained. Then Marc stiffened. The suit seemed to rearrange itself, bandages tidying themselves up and turning black. Blinking in surprise, Randall looked up. The face was still Marc's but it wasn't him. Someone else looked down at him with tears in their eyes.

"One soul became three."

Randall reached up and cradled their cheek: "Hi." The other soul shakily held Randall's hand, rubbing his thumb gently back and forth. An equally shaky smile appeared shortly before the suit changed oncemore.

The third, dressed in a three-piece that glowed, didn't try to fight the tears. He just held Randall like he was spun from glass. Eventually, the third pulled his jacket off and wrapped him up it. It was so warm. Randall nuzzled down into it. Slowly and smoothly, the third rose to their feet, holding him close the whole time, and they left.

For their new life together.

#my fics #crossover fic #moon knight (2022)#pokemon #randall spector #khonshu #marc spector #jake lockley #steven grant

7 notes · View notes

madwickedawesome · 1 year

Text

my mischa bachinski headcanons but they start off silly and end up really serious and the tonal shift catches u completely off guard but its ok bc anything for him

(sidenote u have to pretend he and noel were Close Friends/dating before death for a few of these but thats ok becau[tangent])

he for sure cries SO HARD at movies like its unreal. as soon as any movie gets even remotely sad, hes clutching onto the nearest person and holding back tears while his whole face scrunches from him trying to hold back his sobs {inspired by me watching puss in boots 2. that movie would also DESTROY him}

says shit like "that was so sick......" after passionate makeout sessions (to the immediate disgust of noel gruber) mischa (hair and collar disheveled) : that was so rad :D noel, appalled: What The Fuck Did You Just Say To Me

that being said mischas love language is physical touch!! he could not stand his time away from talia where he couldn't hold or kiss her and he loves to be Right next to noel and do his own thing {this is primarily derived from how much he caresses the face of talia's projection, him hugging noel for comfort, his relief when noel leaned against him, etc.!!!!!}

LOVES pickup lines. he looks them up on his phone all the time. he tries to personalize them between noel and talia not just through language but thru their interests and he has never failed to fluster either thru them (despite their TERRIBLE quality). its kind of a shock that he managed to fluster them tho, with how much be always messes up their wording out of nervousness (any comeback will leave him forgetting what he was going to say and immediately lagging)

HE LOVES GARFIELD thats it

got a little overzealous with his makeshift tattoo machine and now has some of the WORST tattoos ever. "oh i like elephants ill do elephant next!" headass

had to teach himself how to use chopsticks in case he ever "desperately needed to use them." he ends up holding them in the most fucked up way imaginable. it is a WONDER he can pick up food without breaking his fingers with that form honestly

cried with excitement when he hit 100 subs on his yt raps . like omg he finally felt accepted and felt like he had made a huge name for himself w this huge achievement and when he hit 1k he FREAKED OUT and made a thank you rap (such a dork)

experienced severe culture shock upon entering canadian catholic school; he went to an insanely strict russian orthodox academy back in ukraine. noel offered to skip together to go get food and mischa was like ??Huh? Are you insane (hc courtesy of sight)

the realization that he could do basically anything without being completely fucked over contributed to his title as a troublemaker; he acted out and had fun to the resentment of the headmaster (which only made him angrier and led him to acting out further and further, trapped in a cycle) (hc also courtesy of sight)

his mother taught him how to cook so many ukrainian foods before she sent him away to canada in order to prepare him for his life; every time he cooked for himself he had to hold back his emotions because all he could think of was his life with his mom and how much better things were without his new life in canada

that being said, whenever his "parents" kick him out or he just can't stand being in the same area as them, his first call is noel (to the worry and concern of noel and the absolute delight of noels mother)(she LOVES him). noel calms him down with hugs and indulges him with poetry to ground mischa

in ukraine, he struggled to realize more about his sense of self, sexuality, needs, etc. because of social stigmas; it took him a new life in canada and a long time to accept the side of him that loved boys and he still struggled to handle the weight of it by the time of his death

mischa believed in god as a child-- not so much anymore . as a kid he was terrified of sinning and always wondered about the assertion that "everything happens for a reason," always wondering what he was repenting for as his mother got sicker and his father remained absent. by the time he moved to canada and experienced the falseness of a canadian catholic school, he figured that not even the cruelest of entities would put him through what was happening. he could no longer find comfort or curiosity in the belief of a god, only disgust and a sense of selfishness.

monday, september 14 was going to be a good day. a day off from school, a day to just have fun and let loose at a fairground. noel wanted a stuffed toy really badly, mischa did everything in his power to get it for him. mischa did everything to indulge him, even kissing him at the top of the ferris wheel; it made noel happy so it made mischa happy. he had no internet, so he promised to text talia when he got back to his house. as the cyclone reached the apex of its loop, and mischa heard a sound, all he could do was pray to a god he no longer loved and prepare to meet him thats all i got for now thanx for reading love u!!!!!!!!!!

#short post compared to some of my others but thats ok #raaghghhh #i have more in the back of my mind these r just some of the favs #mischa bachinski #LOVE HIM!!!!!#i love mischa bachinski #mishca. .#rtc #passionfruit #nischa #passionflower #nischa^2 #MISCHA HAS 2 HANDS YOUR HONOR

45 notes · View notes

wilwheaton · 2 years

Note

It makes me uncomfortable as a trans person to see you reblog a HP thing, since the author takes any and all recognition of her book as support of her terrible politics.

I hear you. That woman is a fucking monster and she sickens me. I want to be clear: I am not challenging the validity of your feelings. Your feelings are super valid and entirely appropriate. If you choose to remove HP and JKR from your life entirely, I fully support that.

That said, here's what I wrote about problematic people and the creative works with which they are associated:

Q: I have more of an opinion question for you. When fans of things hear about misconduct happening on sets/behind-the-scenes are they allowed to still enjoy the thing? Or should it be boycotted completely? Example: I’ve been a major fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer since I was a teenager and it was currently airing. I really nerded out on it and when I lost my Dad at age 16 “The Body” episode had me in such cathartic tears. Now we know about Joss Whedon. I haven’t rewatched a single episode since his behavior came to light. As a fan, do I respectfully have to just box that away? Is it disrespectful of the actors that went through it to knowingly keep watching?

Answer: I have been precisely where you are, right now. In fact, we were just talking about this a few days ago, as it relates to a guy who wrote a ton of music that was PROFOUND to me when I was a teenager. He wrote about being lonely and feeling unloved, and all the things I was feeling as a teenager.

He grew up to be a reprehensible bigot, and for years I couldn't listen to one of the most important bands in my life anymore.

But this week, someone pointed out that he was one member of a group that all worked together to make that thing that was so important to me. And the person he was when he wrote those lyrics is not the person he is today. And the person I was when I heard those lyrics doesn't deserve to be shoved into a box and put away, because that guy is a shit.

This is a long way of saying that Joss sure turned out to be garbage. Because of who I my friends are, I know stuff that isn't in the public, and it's pretty horrible. He's just not a good person, and apparently never was a good person.

BUT! Buffy is more than him. It's all the actors and crew who made it. It's all the writers who aren't Joss. Joss is part of it, sure, and some of the episodes he wrote are terrific.

At least one of the episodes he wrote was deeply meaningful to you at a moment in your life when you'd experienced a loss I can only imagine. The person you are now, and the 16 year-old you were who just lost their dad, are more important than the piece of shit Joss Whedon revealed himself to be.

His bad behavior is on him. He has to live with it, and the consequences of it.

16 year-old you, who just lost their dad, shouldn't have to think about what a shit Joss Whedon is for even a second. That kid, and you, deserve to have that place to revisit when you need to go there.

I can't speak for the other actors, even the ones I know. But I will tell you, as an abuse survivor myself who never wanted to be in front of the camera when he was a kid: it's really okay for you to enjoy the work. The work is good and meaningful, and if nobody is going to watch it because of what one piece of shit did two decades ago, what was it all for?

I'm not the pope of chilitown, so take this for what it's worth: I believe that when some piece of art is deeply meaningful to a person, for whatever reason, that art doesn't belong to the person who created it, if it ever did. It belongs to the person who found something meaningful in the art.

If it feels right to you to put it away and never look at it again, that's totally valid. But if it brings you comfort, or joy, or healing, or just warm familiarity to bring it out and spend some time with it, that's totally valid, too.

I've written a lot of words. I hope some of them make sense and are helpful to you.

467 notes · View notes

mrs-steve-harrington · 2 years

Note

Join me Stoncy :3

A quick thank you to @himbosteeb for your suggestion of a road trip!

Combined this with the prompt "Golden Opportunity" over on the fanfiction subreddit. I hope you like it, Uri!

The bruising around Steve's eye was gone. All that was left as a reminder of it was something he could only feel; the skin where it had been swollen for days, and red even longer, was tight. Like it couldn't quite fit his face the same way it had before. There was also a scar on his lip that he still hadn't gotten used to seeing every time he looked in the mirror. When his mom noticed the cut only a few days after the "explosion" at the mall, she had worried aloud that it might be permanent.

Looked like she was right.

Underneath his clothes were more fading signs of what he'd experienced on the Fourth. His stomach was still a mottled mess of sickly yellow patches that hadn't quite healed. They didn't hurt so much now, but he couldn't wait until they were completely gone. If he didn't have to see them anymore, maybe he could start getting over it. Stop looking over his shoulder. Waiting for someone to grab him or Dustin-- God, he'd really given them Dustin's name, how could he have-- and do something worse, leave something more permanent than a scar.

There was still a month left of summer, though it hardly felt like it. Hawkins was a mess. Nothing as dramatic as something he might see in the movies, but so many people had died. The government had its hands full trying to explain it.

At least some of the businesses seemed to be doing better now that there was no mall drawing customers away.

Steve and Robin planned to spend some of what was left of the summer applying places together. He'd wanted to wait until his face healed up-- wasn't much chance of being hired when no one wanted to look him in the eye. Though he didn't need the money the same way he had when he started at Scoops Ahoy, Steve wanted to be busy again. He figured if they got hired at some place, he would have at least a few hours where he wasn't thinking about the lab, the serum, the way he was almost too late to save Nancy and the kids.

That continued to be the plan right up until Nancy showed up at his house, Jonathan waiting further down the walkway.

"So?" she asked, looking up at him with wide eyes. Her chin jutted out with familiar determination. The look used to make Steve fond and nervous in equal measures. He'd wanted to redirect it to safer things. Keep her from ending up disappeared by shady government agents who'd haunted his nightmares after the first monster attack. Two years and a terrible Fourth of July later, only the fondness remained. "What do you think?"

"I think you're crazy, Nancy Wheeler," he said as a slow grin began to form.

She didn't take offense; it had to be obvious that he was going to agree. Still, he needed to be sure of one thing before he could say so.

"And Jonathan… he's--"

"Just as crazy as I am," she told him, sending a quick smile over her shoulder that Jonathan responded to in kind. Nancy looked up at Steve again, expression soft-- softer than he'd seen directed at him in a long time. A familiar ache spread across his chest, but it wasn't so bad anymore. Steve still loved her. He didn't think he would ever stop loving her, but seeing her happy no longer cut through him even if he couldn't be the cause of her happiness. "He wants you to come, too. Brought it up before I got the chance."

Swallowing, Steve glanced at Jonathan again and found him watching not Nancy like he'd assumed, but Steve. Even with the distance, Steve could see the tension Jonathan was carrying. Saw the moment it eased when Steve smiled and nodded. Nancy drew his attention back easily when she grabbed his arm in excitement.

"Really?" she asked as though she could hardly believe it. Steve couldn't blame her. The three of them had barely spoken in months before the Russians and Hargrove and the monster. "You'll come with us?"

"Yeah, just let me pack some stuff." He opened the door wide enough to let her through and waved Jonathan over. "Where are we going?"

Jonathan shrugged as he walked inside, closing the door behind him. His hands were stuck in his pockets, but he didn't look nearly as uncomfortable as Steve had imagined he would if he ever stepped foot in the Harrington house.

"No idea," he said, the corner of his mouth curving up. That same ache started up again but Steve didn't mind. Couldn't. Not when they were here, inviting him to get away-- put Hawkins behind them, together.

"We'll figure it out on the way," Nancy said from halfway up the stairs. "Now come help me get your things together."

Exchanging fond smiles with Jonathan was unexpected, but not unwelcome. In fact, Steve thought as he waved Jonathan ahead of him, he hoped it was something he could get used to.

#stoncy #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #stranger things #fanfiction #my fic #my writing #thanks for the ask!#i know this is a million years later #but i think it worked out pretty well #urisarang #wow i wrote something that wasn't dripping with angst #weird!!

20 notes · View notes

differentkettleoffishalltogether · 4 years

Text

I’m On Fire [Chapter 1]

Summary: With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

A/N: This is the first part in a series, I’ve written the first few chapters already so I’m hoping to update pretty regularly! I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: None really for this chapter, cursing? Mean-ish Spencer

Word Count: 6.5k

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

I wasn’t at the BAU long before it started to feel like home. The team became my family, pure and simple.

Having been recruited by Hotch at only 22 I'd sort of fallen into the roll of the little sister to the team without really meaning to. It's not that I was naive, or particularly sheltered even. I know I'm good at my job, and I'd want to be, given how my life's revolved around it almost entirely. But the team seemed to adopt a protective mindset over me right off the bat.

When I first joined the FBI everything was terrifying. I worked so hard for my PhD, trying to get into the unit, but there's almost nothing that can actually prepare you for the real thing. Being out in action in the field, working the cases out in real time. Sometimes they had a smooth, easy conclusion followed by loud obnoxious drinks together. Then there were the others, the ones that kept me up for days after and felt as though they owned little pieces of my heart still.

It was JJ that helped the most on those horrible flights back on the jet. Noticing my anxious ticks and uneasy disposition after that first case that had ended badly. JJ had been through it all before, taking too many cases home with her. Seeing her son's little faces in the kids that we couldn't help. If I was the baby of the team JJ was the big sister, looking out for everyone.

Morgan on the other hand was the outrageously cool older brother, the one you just wanted to be. Early on he'd helped my weak self with the ruthless fitness regimen the FBI required, he offered to pull some strings and get the test written off. But I couldn't accept that, there was something in me that just wanted to impress Morgan, and honestly still does. Like somehow if he thought you were cool, then it became true. So I passed the exam, but getting up a flight of stairs was near impossible for a week after.

Emily was probably the fun aunt. The one that would sneak you booze at the family gathering, or take you to your first concert. Emily was actually the one who'd found me, digging around colleges for potential recruits she'd had me picked out for a while I later found out. Insisting that Hotch give me a shot. It was reassuring to know I had someone who would stick up for me from day one.

I was an tech analyst, among other things, sort of a counterpart for Garcia in the field. So it was no surprise to anyone when the two of us hit it off as though we'd known each other forever. We weren't the same by any means though. Penelope was bold, and bright, and confident beyond measure, where I've typically felt like more of a blend into the background type. I've always thought of myself that way, despite my achievements. I'd also always believed I was fairly inoffensive, no one I'd met had ever had a huge problem with me, 'till I got to the BAU that is.

Every rose has its thorn I suppose.

That thorn in my side was Dr. Spencer Reid.

It wasn't that Dr. Reid was a bad agent, or even a bad person. I hadn't actually met him before that first day in the conference room, but I'd known who he was for a long time. Before I came along he'd held the mantle of 'youngest ever recruit' in the unit, while I was studying I'd read any of his work I could get my hands on because of that fact.

I figured it must've been some sort of hazing when he looked me up and down that first day I was introduced, and then proceeded to blank me entirely for a full week. Up until I'd wrapped my first case.

The whole team went straight from the jet to the bar. Proceeding to get far too drunk. Spencer joined, which the rest of the team found unusual, and I probably should've taken as a sign of things to come.

That case went well, and everyone was in high spirits but Reid had a sour disposition, at least it seemed that way every time he looked at me. After a few too many drinks I went outside in an attempt to sober up in the cold air, unfortunately Reid must've snuck outside not long before.

"Ugh" was all he said when he first caught my silhouette approaching him. The night was unusually cold so it had been deserted outside the bar that evening. I wasn't really sure why it made me nervous to be alone with him like this, the two of us leaning back against the same small area of brick wall, looking out at the cold night.

"Nice to see you too doctor" was all I could muster, I was drunk enough that I let my sarcastic tone leap out, "you can relax, I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's too stuffy in there, and loud. I'm not here to talk to you or anything."

"Well aren't you a sensitive thing" he responds in kind, at that point I wasn't really sure if it was a coincidence or if he'd been genuinely avoiding me, but things were starting to clear up.

"I'm sensitive, that's a fun take on things" I joke, taking a long sip of cold water from my glass.

"And what's that supposed to mean, newbie?" his emphasis on the last word all but confirms my suspicions.

"Fuck man, what's your problem with me? Is it because I'm new, or because I beat your stupid record?" I quip. hoping that at the very least it might coax him out of his shell. Dr. Spencer Reid getting angry at me could honestly be better than the nothing I'd been experiencing from him until now.

"What stupid record?" he sounds genuinely confused

"I'm the youngest BAU recruit now?" I didn't know why else he could be so sour. He'd never met me before last week, and since he'd ignored me that first day I'd done all I could not to step on his toes. So if he had a reason to hate me this much, it wasn't something I'd done on purpose.

He takes a few moments to respond, raising his eyebrows and considering the information. He chuckles. He fucking chuckles.

"That's funny." he says, his voice leveling out, "I didn't peg you as funny newbie" that word sets something off in me again. Something about it is dismissive, or belittling. Before I could fight back he starts to move, maneuvering around me and heading back inside. A little too tipsy to think of anything constructive to say, I just mutter "Fuck you Spencer."

He swings open the door, as he walks inside he just says "See you Monday, Newbie" without even looking at me.

And that was only the beginning.

----

"You know I'm just trying to make sure you get enough rest sweetheart. There's no need to get so defensive!" it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with this call. Since joining the BAU a few years ago this was a standard call from my Mom. Equal parts well meaning and over-bearing, and generally asking far too many questions.

"I'm not getting defensive Mom, I get plenty of rest, my job is just very important to me and you know that." I knew she was right to be at least a little worried, this job was consuming, and in all honesty I wasn't sure how people like JJ were married and still here. It seemed like an impossible feat.

"Fine sweetie, how are your co-workers doing then? How's Penelope? Give her my love" she loved Penelope, I think she thought that Penelope tethered me to the normal world, and in a way she was right. She kept me sane, and fun, and made me eat pizza and do face masks once a week at least. Even when I didn't think I wanted to.

"Pen's great Mom, everyone's good. Well, the usual ones get on my nerves, but I'm fine." As I say it I glance across at Dr. Reid, the only person who's also in as early as I am most days. I'm not sure if he can hear me but he's tapping his pen so loud on his desk that it takes all of my energy not to walk across the bullpen and stab him with it.

"Y'know what Mom, I'm actually just after getting to work and it's a busy day so can I call you back later?" I chance, getting her off the phone is always an ordeal.

"Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But wait one last thing!"

I knew what was coming. It was always coming.

"Are you seeing anyone, Margot's been wondering too, just thought I'd check in?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose and trying not to scream down the line, I just sigh out the frustration instead.

"No Mom, believe it or not, I've made no progress on that front since you asked me all of 3 days ago."

"See you are being defensive!" she snaps

"I gotta go, bye Mom. Love you!" I say, hanging up quickly before dropping my head down into my arms on my desk, resting like that for a few moments in silence.

Hearing Garica chuckle behind my ear I perk up and spin around. She's holding a small paper cup of coffee and hands it to me. I look at it confused, "Sorry about the paper, I couldn't find your mug in the cabinet" she apologizes, looking over at Dr. Reid and rolling her eyes. Now I know he can hear me from his seat, he takes that moment to sip from my mug and place it gently back on his desk.

It hadn't taken long for him to start toying with me. It was always stupid childish things. Things I couldn't get genuinely annoyed at, that would give him far too much satisfaction, knowing he was getting to me in any real way. This was one trick he liked to play if he got into the office before me, he'd take my mug and make his coffee in it, just to spite me I guess.

"Why does he even do that, it's so stale" she said, just a little louder than normal to make sure he could hear. Garcia and Reid were still good friends and team-mates but she liked to stand up for me when she could. He liked to avoid me as much as possible so he'd usually go to Garcia before me if he needed help with something. Even when the two of us were out in the field together. Which was obnoxious but it was just another thing I'd gotten used to over time. And as long as it didn’t interfere with the case I just forced myself to let it go.

"I know it's such low grade bullying isn't it?" I shot back with a chuckle.

"So I'll take it that was Mommy dearest" Penelope gestures to my phone. She knew my Mom, and she knew about her general overbearing energy. I let out a groan thinking about the call again, and the calls that were to come.

"Isn't it always Mommy dearest?" I joke

"So she's still on your ass about the wedding then?" I'm sure Penelope was almost as sick of hearing about it as I was,

"Margot's getting married in like 4 months now, and every time Mom calls there’s just some new hometown loser she wants to set me up with Pen. It's fucking exhausting" I take a sip of the coffee she made me, savoring the bitter taste. She sits down on my desk for a moment, leaning in.

"Honey, did you ever think that if you got out there and found someone, she wouldn't be on your ass at all?" I don't want to think about that, about how she's completely right. All I can do is let out another small groan and lean back down onto my desk.

"Too early Pen" I say, it's muffled by the desk but she gets the message. Hopping up and heading to her own office as some more people start to arrive for the morning.

Leaving me alone to make a start on my paperwork that had built up throughout the week. Fridays were usually slow like this, giving me a little too much time to think. I couldn't shake the thought that my Mom and Penelope were actually right. Maybe I was a bit too invested in the job, and maybe that was a pretty big factor in why my last relationship imploded but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

----

After that the day crawls by, thankfully no cases pop up so the weekend might actually be free. Trying to make sure I clear up all of my paperwork takes a little longer than I'd hoped and leaves me alone in the bullpen. It seems like everyone's gone home by the time I've packed up and I'm ready to leave. Which wasn't as out of the ordinary as I'd like it to be really. Everyone else seemed to have somewhere to be on a Friday night.

Waiting for the elevator to arrive my phone started to ring, I could see my Mom's caller ID on the screen. If I just let it go I know she'll call back later, may as well get it out of the way. I take a deep breath in anticipation before I answer.

"Hey what's up?" I answer, stepping inside the elevator as the doors ping open.

"Hi sweetie, I've got good news! Do you remember David? That lovely boy, he helped out your Father that summer in high school?" I know what's coming and rub my temple, trying to stifle the headache I know is coming. As I answer a hand slides between the elevator doors, popping them open again.

Dr. Fucking Reid walks in, and he looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him. I make eye contact and look away just as fast, willing him away with my mind. "Yes Mom, I remember him, why are you telling me this?" I already know the answer but I'm fed up, she still sounds excited when she responds.

"Well you won't believe it! I ran into him at the market this morning and I thought you'd like it if I passed on your phone number to him, maybe for the weddi-" it took all I had not to shout into the receiver, and maybe I would've had the elevator been empty.

"Mom! Jesus!" I have to reign myself in, but I have a bad idea, "You know what, I'm actually sorted. I've got a date lined up now" I'm not sure why I said it with no real plan in place. She sounds even more excited than I've ever heard her.

"Oh my, that's amazing sweetie! That was fast, I can't believe you found one since this morning, it's someone from work so?" she assumes, and I'm just not thinking fast enough to correct her.

"Mmhmm, yeah" I'll figure out the logistics later I rationalize.

"Oh! Is it that boy you're always on about, the one who teases you?" she asks, and her voice is full of joy, and it makes me feel horrible that I'm lying already, and that I'm going to let her down.

"Yup, that's the one, look Mom I gotta go, I'll talk to you later! Night" I blurt out so fast it has to be obvious I'm nervous.

I can hear a stifled chuckle behind me. Fuck. How loud is my phone speaker. Could he hear that. Surely not. But this elevator was completely silent. The doors open and I have to stop myself from running to my car at top speed. Instead I walk out just a little faster than normal, turning around to shoot him a small wave goodbye. And he's got this devious smirk on his face that makes my stomach turn.

Sitting into my car I pull out my phone to text Garcia immediately.

I'm on my way to yours right now. It's urgent.

——

Traffic's light so it takes maybe 10 minutes before I arrive at Garcia's place. My mind's racing and my body takes me there on autopilot. Why did I say any of that, why did I even answer the damn phone. Why did I wave goodbye to Spencer, I never usually did that. Maybe that's why he had that look on his face. Maybe he was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier and it had nothing to do with me at all. That was something he'd do to mess with me for sure.

How was I going to walk this back with my Mom, she was just gonna have more questions that I couldn't answer. Fuck.

Garcia buzzed me up and her door was open for me by the time I got up the stairs. This little purple apartment had become my second home. It was where I spent most of my evenings off, laughing on the same sofa I was collapsing face first into right now. Garcia nestles in beside me and runs her hand over my hair, "Hey sweet pea, what's happening? I don't want to sound too concerned but you're not giving me much to go off? Are you dying, is there drama? You're going to have to tell me what's so urgent before I burst a blood vessel?"

I let out a muffled, "is drahmuh" into the pillow, Garcia shakes my shoulders.

"Sit up babe, damn!" I have to heave myself out of the pillows, sitting upright on the sofa beside her, clutching one of the pillows in my arms.

"It's drama" I repeat,

"Well, out with it then, you know I'll take all the drama I can get! Spill, spill" she rushes me along. I'm already apprehensive, Reid's her coworker too, but if anyone would understand why this was such an issue it was gonna be her.

"Okay, I'm after doing something stupid and I think I really need your advice" I cringe already, thinking back to the elevator, throwing out my words faster, I continue the story, mostly trying to get it over with, "my Mom called again when I was on the way out tonight and she was trying to set me up with this guy, and Reid was there, and I got all flustered, and I told her I had a date already" I throw my head down into the pillow again.

"Wait why was Reid there?" she looks like she's trying to fit puzzle pieces together and she's getting nowhere, "And what's the drama?"

"Shit Garcia, it was in the elevator and it was all quiet, and maybe he heard the call, maybe he didn't but he had this fuckin' look on his stupid face" I can't shake the smug little smirk, it's burned inside my eyelids. Garcia's face falls in what looks like disappointment.

"Ugh Y/N! That's nothing chill out, why does it matter if he heard your call? I know you guys are all weird but none of that is any of his business anyway!" she shoo's her hand in the air, dismissing the whole situation.

"No Garcia, it is his business now" I have to close my eyes when I say it, I can't look at her "I told my Mom that he was my date, well, I didn't say his name or anything, she assumed it was someone from work and so I just agreed, and then she suggested that it was him and then I fucking panicked Pen, I fucked up so bad. What do I do?"

I finally opened my eyes to look up at Garcia. She was sitting in pure silence, pursing her lips in what seemed like contemplation. The puzzle pieces finally slotting together. It's as though a light bulb goes off behind her eyes and she bursts out in fits of laughter. Doubling over on herself before finally taking a few breaths to calm herself down. I'm honestly not sure why she finds the whole thing so funny, she know's how needlessly annoying he's made my life, she's seen it first hand and heard me talk about it over and over again in this very apartment over pizza.

"Garcia, this is not fucking funny! This is serious!" I try to calm her down, I need advice not whatever this is.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, I love you dearly. But this isn't funny, this is hilarious. It's like you're Sandra Bullock in some mid-90's rom com. I love it" I don't love it, in fact I hate it. I nearly snap at her but pull myself back.

"Pen, come on, help me out. What do I do with this, how do I fix it?" I plead.

She stops laughing and pulls out her phone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to order us a pizza, and we're gonna sort this thing out together, sound good?" I just nod and collapse back into the sofa. I think I feel better now that I've gotten it out in the open.

----

Penelope makes us tea while we wait for the pizza, she keeps lemon & ginger in her cabinet for me, just like I keep mint for her. The warm mug and the steam calm me down. After a few minutes alone to think about it I start to figure it out a little better. I figure I can just lie to my Mom for a while, it might suck but I can pretend for a bit and then make up some excuse as to why he can't come closer to the time. Then I can just bring Garcia instead and everyone's happy. I'm about to float my plan to her there's a knock on her door. I was so caught up that I hadn't really noticed quite how starving I'd gotten. Leaping up of the sofa to grab the door.

I swing it open but it's not the pizza guy. Somehow it's the opposite of the pizza guy, my worst nightmare is on the other side of the door. He must notice my eyes blow completely wide. "Y/N!" he says, more of a statement than a question really, like he's telling himself that he's actually seeing me in the doorway. I'm not as gentle.

"What the fuck are you doing here Reid?!" I can't even disguise my anger. He seems a little flustered, like he's got absolutely no idea how to proceed.

"Um, uh, is Garcia here? I can, um, I can just come back later?" he swallows hard and shakes his head, before I can agree and tell him to get lost Penelope races to the door, pulling it wide open.

"Nope, that won't be necessary Doctor! Come on in, you're right on time sweetheart" she waves him in and he walks past me, his demeanor changing almost instantly. He's smug, like he's won whatever battle this was. And I hate it. Though he's still as confused as me despite the newfound attitude. Reid sits down on the sofa, right where I had been sitting. I bite my tongue and sit on the opposite end.

"Are you okay Garcia?" he asks with a genuine concern, "What's going on, what was the emergency?". He's not stupid, he knows she's not in danger now that he's here. But he wants answers. I don't know that I've ever seen him this confrontational with anyone, well anyone but me. The entire time I’m staring her down as she sits in the armchair opposite the two of us. My keys are in my pocket and my car's right outside. I could just jump up and make a break for it. Escape.

"You know what Doc, you won't believe it but I'm not actually the one with the emergency" she takes a beat, and I'm starting to think that I might understand why people murder other people after all these years, "Y/N has something urgent she needs to talk to you about" she's silent for another moment, and she almost looks giddy, "Actually Spencer, you might already know a little something about the matter already, now that I think about it" she smirks, and it's pure joy.

My keys are in my hand ready to bolt when the doorbell chimes again. "Oh, that'll actually be the pizza this time, if you two will excuse me" she hops up out of the armchair and races to the door, leaving the two of us alone in a horrible silence. The tension is almost too much, I want to speak but I really have no idea what to say, or how to even start saying it. But he starts.

"Y/N what's going on, I feel like I'm out of the loop here? What am I missing?" he asks, and there's something uncharacteristically genuine about the way he says it, but he can't turn to look at me as he speaks. I almost want to let my guard down and just have a conversation but I can’t force myself to do it. "Shut up Reid." is all I mutter, folding my arms across my chest.

He turns sharply on the sofa to face me. "Hey Y/N. Believe it or not I'm about as happy as you with whatever kind of Parent Trap situation Garcia's got going on here. But from what I'm picking up on you've got a problem and I'm supposed to be able to help with it. So do you want to tell me what's going on or not? I can just go?" I can see that there's an anger bubbling right below the surface, threatening to burst. I know I shouldn't but I let him stew in silence for a little too long and he jumps up off the sofa.

"Y'know what, typical" he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it, "this is all about you." he throws his bag over his shoulders and begins to walk towards the door. Something in me just snaps.

"All about me?! Are you fucking kidding? I've been tip-toeing around you for years, ever since I joined this damn unit!" I shout as Garcia comes back into the room, pizza box and plates in her hands.

"So, who's hungry?" Garcia asks, trying to break the tension, or pretending there's no tension at all. Reid shakes his head in disbelief and rubs his temple before he speaks again, "Actually I was just gonna head out" he gestures to the door, "I'm clearly not wanted here so I'm gonna leave you guys to it." Spencer makes a move to leave but Garcia grabs the strap of his shoulder bag, yanking him back ever so slightly before he really has the chance to escape.

"You are going absolutely nowhere kid" She points back to the sofa, "get back there" she glances to me, staring with far too much intensity. "You too, sit." Her voice is more stern than I've ever heard it, even while we were on a case. I can't help but obey her command and I sit back down on the sofa in silence. Followed by Reid, clearly processing the same uneasy feeling of a serious Penelope.

She sits opposite the two of us again. "Y/N, Spencer, I love the two of you with all of my heart, albeit separately, and I would die for either one of you. But you've got to chill the hell out!" she says it like she's had it bottled up forever. The tension that releases from her as she says it looks euphoric.

She opens up the pizza box and lays it on the coffee table and takes out a slice for herself. Taking a bite she leaves the two of us in stunned silence. Once she finishes the mouthful she turns to me specifically, "Y/N you tell him, or I will." dead serious. And the feeling in my belly is like I've just fallen down an elevator shaft.

My stomach is in knots as I turn to Spencer on the sofa next to me. His face is puzzled and I think I might be able to make out pure terror in his expression. I don't know that I've ever been looked at like this before and my stomach screws up tighter. I have to take a deep breath and I can't believe I'm about to say it. "Fuck it" I have to take another breath almost immediately so I just have to force the rest out, "I don't know if you heard the call I was on while we were in the elevator earlier?" I look up to gauge his reaction and I can see his face relax, and worse than that, one corner of his mouth lifts into a sort of smile. It's a look of pure smug satisfaction and I think I might scream. I have to close my eyes because I really don't think I can look at that face as I say the next part.

"My sister is getting married in a few months and my Mom's been on my ass to find a date for the wedding and she keeps trying to set me up with these losers, so I fucking panicked, and I told her you were my date." by the time the sentence is out my eyes have screwed up so tight it feels like I have to pry them open.

He sits in silence for too long. Thinking, maybe?

"So I'm the boy who teases you then?" he grins. So he did hear. And he did laugh. He looks far too self satisfied. Now he knows he's right. He knows I've talked to my Mom about him, that he's gotten in my head. I can tell from his smile that he's savoring the moment. Mostly because I can't slap the smug smile off his face I drop my head into my hands. In an effort to disappear I guess.

"So," he says, taking a moment, "is that all you wanted to say then?" he asks, lighthearted and obnoxious, back to his usual self. I snap back to reality, shooting my head back up.

"What do you mean is that all?" I throw back genuinely shocked,

"Is that all you had to say Y/N? Can I go now? It's a long bus ride home y'know" he smirks but makes no effort to move. He can't possibly be making me do this.

"Well no, obviously!" I stutter, "I mean, are you, will you, uh?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. He leans in on the sofa looking directly at me, refusing to break eye contact.

"Did you have something you wanted to ask me Y/N?" I just want to smack that fucking look off his face,

"Fuck you Spencer Reid" I almost whisper under my breath, but Garcia snaps me back to reality.

"Hey!" she looks at me, stern again, "Ask him." it's not a question, or a suggestion, it's a command.

"Fine okay" I scrunch my eyes up again, "Will you come to my sisters wedding with me as my fake boyfriend?" I curl up into myself as I say it, I can almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach. Like I'm having a biological reaction to the whole thing.

Reid crosses his arms and sinks back on the sofa, like he's performing the act of thinking. He's considering my offer to make me squirm.

When he finally speaks he says "Well I would Y/N, but I really fail to see what's in it for me" he's after getting cocky now.

Garcia pipes up, excited, "Oh, Oh! I know! I have an idea!" she interjects, "Spencer remember how a while ago, back after your apartment flooded you were all all worried about your antique books and prints and stuff?" he nods, "Well Y/N could digitize the collection for you as a back up? I know you're a technophobe? C'mon Y/N, you know you could do that no sweat, and it would take you a lifetime alone Spencer?" I really don't want to admit it but she's right. Even I knew Reid was adverse to any technology that wasn't vital, but it was your specialty. And maybe that was a good trade off, a job like that would be near impossible for him to pull off without help. I take a glance over at Reid and he seems to have had the same train of thought as me. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and relaxes his posture.

"Fine, I guess that's a fair trade. I'm in." he resigns and I almost can't believe it. I'm barely processing the whole conversation as he sticks his hand out to me, I'm confused for a second before I grab it and shake it firmly. Condemning myself to whatever's about to happen. And it's not the time to be thinking about it but maybe this is the first time Spencer and I have ever touched? But I shove that thought away.

Garcia's positively beaming and she's not even trying to hide it. "Now it's like you're both in a Sandra Bullock movie, oh, but you're Hugh Grant maybe?" she points to Reid.

"Don't push it" I shoot in her direction, taking a slice of pizza, now that my anxiety stomach has sort of passed.

Once the pizza's been eaten in near completely awkward silence Spencer stands up off the sofa. His unsure demeanor has returned and he looks nervous. "I actually should get going this time" he says but Garcia pipes up to protest,

"No, it's not even late!"

"It takes me a while to get back home, thank you though Pen. For... this?" he gestures to the whole living room, "Night" he waves. He's almost made it to the door before I stand up out of my seat. I'm not really sure what comes over me, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe I'm just exhausted.

"Wait Spencer. Let me give you a ride home?" I ask and it's like it's not even me saying it .

"Thanks, but I think I can make it home just fine" he dismisses, and there’s an antagonizing tone in his voice that snaps me right back to our usual rapport.

"I'm trying to do a nice thing here, fuck! Just let me do something nice!" I snap, and he throws his arms up in surrender.

"Fine alright, if it'll make you feel better"

"Fuck you Reid" I mutter under my breath and I sort of hope that he does hear me really. If he's gonna be hostile about this I can be too. I give Garcia a hug goodbye but I'm going to scold her for this whole thing later.

----

I lead the way outside and climb into my car, Spencer hops into the passenger seat and it feels as strange as always to be alone with him. Especially because it's not an accident, and it's not in work. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He seems like he's unwilling to break the silence, so I just get it over with.

"Where the hell do you live man? I'm gonna need directions." I say, as deadpan as I can muster, which probably isn't all that intimidating.

"Sorry, yeah, so you're gonna want to turn on the ignition" he teases. I definitely wasn't intimidating enough.

"Don't push it" I say, turning to give him a cruel stare, he just reacts with a smirk, that same one from the elevator earlier.

"Oh, I'm pushing it?" he asks, feigning disbelief

"I'll kick you out of this damn car" is all I can think to say. He barely responds, he just lets out a soft chuckle. I want to ask 'what's so funny' but he speaks before I can get the words out.

"I can't believe you talk to your Mom about me" he continues to laugh. That's enough.

"You know what Reid, of course I have! I work with actual murderers on a daily basis and somehow you've been the only real source of friction in my life since I joined the BAU!" He stops giggling a little, but not entirely, he looks like he's making an effort to contain himself.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just never knew I got to you like that" he still finds the whole thing amusing, but I sure as hell don't.

"Directions, now" I demand, looking straight out the front windshield.

"Fine, keep going straight on this road for a while and I'll tell you when to turn" he says, finally playing nice.

The two of us drive silently for most of the journey, the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually we arrive outside his building, and it's nicer than I thought it would be. But I have no idea what I was really basing that on. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Dr. Reid lived in an actual home, I had pictured him sleeping upside down in a cave maybe, or in a cryogenic chamber with all the other life-like genius robots.

"So," he says, breaking the silence, "When is this wedding?"

"4 months from now, in and around" I respond, matter of factly. Spencer nods, taking it in.

"Alright, so I've got 4 months, in and around, to learn enough to convincingly pass as your loving boyfriend. Doesn't sound so difficult." he jokes, his tone harsh and sarcastic.

"Look Spencer, I know this is insane and honestly kind of stupid. But in all seriousness, you can back out right now if you're not on board with whatever this is. I'm telling you this is the last exit ramp." I try to say it with sincerity, giving him a genuine out if he's not comfortable with the weird set-up that Penelope pulled on us both. He thinks on it for a moment and shakes his head.

"So how are we gonna do this?" he asks, and I really thought he was going to back out. So I don't have an actual answer.

"Well, I uh, I haven't really given a plan much thought. How about I come over and start working on some of the stuff you want digitized like Garcia mentioned and I can use the time to give you the footnotes on my life?" I suggest, at least that would make it easier to knock things out all at once. Rather than having to spend even more of my free time with Reid than necessary. He looks content with the improvised plan.

"Alright, sounds good." he undoes his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out of the car before turning back to me, "Are you coming inside or what?"

— —

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

973 notes · View notes

hkshirayuki · 4 years

Text

MYTHICAL CREATURE 3

Marco x Reader

Genre : Fluff

Art is not mine credits to the rightful owner.

They just greet and welcome y/n. Y/n just thanked them. Marco was the last one to welcome y/n. As soon he walk towards you. He can feel everybody's gaze on his back.

" Welcome to our loud chaotic family, y/n, yoi" Marco said with a smile.

Y/n just blush, as it was her first time to hear him call her name.

"Thank you" y/n replied and Thatch couldn't miss the opportunity to butt in.

"Are you blushing, y/n-chan?!"

Marco just roll his eyes at how much of a gossiper his siblings is, when it comes to love life. Well he can't blame them as he did the same thing to Oden and Toki. Well they did the same thing as he did.

"Oh, I was just surprised" y/n stutter said as she touch her face. It was warm, she is indeed blushing.

Thatch just suggestive wiggle his eyebrows at Marco. The other soon joined him, doing the same gesture.

Marco just glare at them, before smacking there heads and the rumble of the siblings begin. They both share the same blow, others cheer and bet who will win.

Y/n just asked 'what's going on' Whitebeard just chuckled at how immature they can be, but he love seeing them like this.

Timeskip 5 years later

It's been a 5 years, since the day y/n joined the Whitebeard pirates. She always remember the faithful meet she had with Marco. She didn't regret her decision as she found a very supportive family.

When she talked about her dream to meet every each Mythical Creatures she had met. They all support her to it. The adventure to the sea with them was never been boring, it was full of excitement. Y/n was best pals with Marco, as for the others they blame marco for being a bad influence to y/n and y/n could fully heartily laughed at what they say about marco.

Marco and y/n understand each other, through the years they spend, They have notice the similarities of each other. They will always have there own private talk at night together. Marco will always asked how is her day and she will asked the same thing.

The Whole crew know, how sneaky the two are. Y/n mostly tease Marco when there only alone. She will keep asking him about the reason, he stay in her boat as a phoenix. Marco will only frown when she asked as he learn she love to rub salt to his past wound, Marco will only tease her back only to backfired. And both of them are embarrassed and promised to keep it a secret together.

After getting embarrassed the two soon talk about something they find interesting that Marco sometimes joke and y/n laugh. Thatch, Izo and along with jozu, vista and haruta were only spying at marco and y/n. Whitebeard only scold them for spying there brother and there sister. but soon join them.

"Just when will Marco, will tell y/n" Whitebeard asked to his sons.

They only shrugged there shoulder and still watching and listening to whatever marco and y/n talking about.

Whitebeard again asked them again and they only said "Shh" to there Dad who just frown. Whitebeard just thought of leaving when he got cramps making him groan loud. It was loud enough for the two to hear him.

"What the! Are you serious yoi!?" Marco asked angrily as he know that they were spying on them.

Y/n just blushed as she experienced them teasing her to no end. When she was hug by Marco the time she was away for a month. Well she was hug by all of her family member. It's just they tease her and Marco when they are seen together.

Marco just angrily March towards the noise come from. And Thatch, Izo, Jozu, Vista and haruta just hide. While Whitebeard have no choice but to stay there as he have a terrible cramps.

"Oyaji! What are you doing?!" Marco unamused said.

Y/n just follow Marco and surprised to see. There Dad was spying them.

She only give Whitebeard a face of displeasure. Marco just scold him while y/n notice the other tip toeing but y/n shouted said "And where do you think you guys going?"

The five shadow flinch and Marco just name them. "Thatch, Vista, Jozu, Haruta, and Izo come out already" They only did and tried to act dumb.

Thatch just tried spoke with a feminine voice. "Ahahaha, There is no Thatch here, it's me Whitey~"

It was pretty obvious that it was him. Only an idiot will believe that kind of lie. Izo was only embarrassed as he was too curious that's why he tag along with them. Marco was disappointed to see Izo with them.

Marco just scold them, Y/n leave the scolding to marco, when it's them. They only apologize for spying them.

"We promise not to do it"

"Let me and the others do the seppuku as my apology for intruding your two privacy" Izo said while there in there knees and low his head at Marco, y/n.

but when he said that y/n just panic.

"What!? no! Izo!" y/n said. Marco just smack his head.

"Stop it, Idiot!" Marco said to Izo.

The other that is present that time only just shut there mouth as they can see, Izo wasn't kidding about it. They only gulp in terror.

Y/n just scold him for scaring her like that. Marco just sigh as he have a stressful night. Because of his siblings.

Thatch, Vista, Jozu and Haruta just curse there dad in the back cause he was only scolded and he returned to his room. While they were punished to kneel down overnight as an apology. Izo, Of course accepted it. They couldn't leave nor stand up as they were threatened by Izo either they stay or they all Commit Seppuku.

The next morning, The other member just Question why there are sleeping outside and kneeling down.

Marco and y/n were only greeted by the sight of the five. Y/n feel guilty while marco hope they learn there lesson.

One week passed,Thatch just implanted an idea inside y/n head.

He just asked what does y/n think about marco.

"You know, Marco is always kind"

"Well yeah he is, but notice this

y/n-chan, he is extra kind only to you" Thatch point it out. Y/n just thought one of the reasons 'why' Thatch just whisper in her ear in a low voice.

"Marco have a crush on you" Thatch keep on whispering while y/n is focused when she hear him. She couldn't help but blushed.

"Thatch!!!"

Thatch just look at her, like he didn't do anything "What?"

"Stop whispering something like that"

Thatch just laugh at how adorable y/n is but he wasn't sorry. At the same time Marco was doing check up on Whitebeard. When he asked Marco the same thing.

Marco just sigh as he answered "If your asking me, if I like y/n? I do"

Whitebeard were delighted to hear it. So he asked what's preventing him to confess. He tried to say something reasonable. Only he sigh and felt embarrassed.

"I'm trying to, okay! I'm just waiting for a good timing...yoi"

Whitebeard just laughed at the flustered look Marco had.

"Your not a teenager boy, Your already 30, Same as her... Man up"

Marco just frown but his dad have a point. "I know that... Yoi"

"Marco, you should do it sooner, before someone confess first" Whitebeard said.

"shit" Marco said to himself. Well he can't blame them, You were such a natural charmer, they might be blind if you couldn't charm them. But sorry for them cause he decided to make a move.

Tonight as usual, Marco and y/n met for some other reasons. The two had an awkward atmosphere. Well y/n suddenly remembered what Thatch whisper to her ear. Marco just thought of confessing his feelings.

It took a 5 minutes before Marco finally decided to break the awkward silence they both had.

"Were having a lovely night yoi" Marco said and y/n just look at him for a second and look away soon. Though she just agreed to it.

She didn't look at him anymore. She was looking somewhere else.

"What's wrong with you, yoi?" Marco asked with a hint of concerned.

"Oh, umm, nothing just have an odd day" y/n replied still avoiding his gaze.

For some reasons what thatch said to her that time keep on repeating inside her head. Y/n doesn't like to assume. So she shakes her head trying to focus.

"The moon is beautiful isn't it?" y/n said. Marco then sudden smirk.

Looking at y/n admiring the moon.

"Did you just said, I love you to me, yoi" Marco said with a smirk in his face.

"Yeah... I mean, wha?!" y/n replied but soon becomes a stuttering mess after it finally sink to her mind.

"Well I love you too, y/n" Marco bashfully replied. Y/n then look at him. The smirk he wear a while ago just melt and she can see the red tint in his face.

"Really?" Y/n said, but she know that it was sincere but couldn't help to tease him. Marco just frown.

Why do you inherit this habit from the others. But he got an idea to make it fair.

Y/n is still teasing him, She were still asking him even she know it already.

"really? Really?"

Marco just thought a great revenge so he just scoot down and stare her directly in the eye. Inch slowly, y/n wasn't ready for it. But she close her eyes but she only felt Marco lips on her cheek.

He just stick out his tongue when she open her eyes." Sorry, Were you expecting me to kiss you in the lips,

y/n,yoi"

Marco swear he never seen so flustered y/n is. As he hum for victory. Y/n just covered her face with her hand.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dedicated to Owner-san from One piece fam, tumblr.

#marco the pineapple #marco the phoenix #marco x reader #one piece x reader #One piece Marco #Whitebeard pirates #Whitebeard

82 notes · View notes

dabistodorokitouya · 3 years

Text

Song: Kodaline - Brother

He has loved drugs, they numbed him and forget him the truth, pain for a long time. Only bad effect; his head was aching insanely and he also had to care with Shigaraki with that head. He looked at his phone, six hours had passed since he slept and Dabi's had to be a meeting two hours ago. At first, he thought to not go. He needn't have blabbered but when he read messages he gave up that. If he doesn't go, Shigaraki will be angrier. But he had to endure his creepy attitude. Also, he would have to look at the hand which addresses as his father. When he wanted Shigaraki could be terrible and Dabi loved his arms connected with hands.

He loved first five years in life, saw those memories gave him peace. But just that, five years. He hasn't seen old memories for a long time because of that he is surprised today. He wanted to remember his lovely mother; Watching tv with him and fondled his head. He threw away other memories to the background, he didn't need to them. He looked at the messages, except Shigaraki there was a message from a crazy girl. Although he found the girl's behavior silly, he couldn't say anything about her power. She had really useful quirk but although they met new she was sending messages to him about 'hang out together.' And that annoyed Dabi. But usually, everything would get on Dabi's nerves.

He had no problem about their personality as long as they didn't bother him. They could be as crazy as they wanted. Shigaraki Tomura, a madman who wore his family's hands on his face and body, was his boss, another was Twice, who acts an talks like a double person who couldn't recover from her trauma. The crazy girl Himiko Toga, on the other hand, was very fond of blood, the Spinner had nothing odd, but it was enough that is a lizard. He didn't know Compress that much but he and Kurogiri are among the most rational people in the group, he wouldn't deny that. They didn't seem like a very sane group, but to Dabi, whether their power was valuable was the only thing that mattered.

When he got to the bar he waited at its door for a minute or two. He took a deep breath and went in, he would need it. Shigaraki was waiting, leaning against the wall, his voice wasn't angry like it was in the messages. It was tired and boring. Himiko Toga was running around with a knife in his hand, Dabi wondered how long it would take him to stab one of the league members. Compress and Twice were sitting in the chair, drinking their drinks. Spinner was not around. Kurogiri, on the other hand, was as usual, ready for defense in case an incident broke out. Keeping them calm in a bar with a lot of villains was a real challenge, and Dabi and Shigaraki didn't help to this situation at all. After a few minutes of silence, Shigaraki was the first to speak, as always he was sarcastic.

"Do you know why the phone is used? For people can reach you. You're two hours late what is your excuse?"

Dabi shrugged his shoulders, his head ached too much to make fun of.

He responded with a reckless attitude.

"I fell asleep."

Shigaraki frowned but he kept silent. Apparently, he didn't have much energy either. The meeting must have continued a really long time, whereas he was pretty sure he was going to get a lot of death threats from Shigaraki right now. Shigaraki went upstairs without saying anything else. Kurogiri was defending Shigaraki as usual.

"Tomura's been sleepless for so long, he really wants this plan to work and I don't want a fight in my bar."

"What's that big plan you've decided on?"

Dabi's only wish now was to go back to bed just like Shigaraki, and he would exactly do that after learning the plans. He didn't want to listen to unnecessary things. Kurogiri had understood it easily, he sighed, Shigaraki and Dabi had some very similar habits. Of course, Dabi has always been more sarcastic than anyone else, nobody would be a patch on him on that matter.

"We learned that the 1 - A Hero class at UA would be training at summer camp, we're planning an attack, and Dabi your mission is very important at this point. You will lead the attack. Your mission is to bring Katsuki Bakugo and get him to join us."

Kurogiri gave him a picture of the child, the kid was standing angrily on a platform. He had a medal on his neck, Dabi now realized why the kid looked familiar. He was the winner of the sports festival, normally Dabi wouldn't care about the festival but he had watched as he was curious about his little brother Shoto. Shoto most likely didn't even remember Touya. Dabi wouldn't be surprised, that damn man would always separate him from everyone else. He couldn't stand his failures to be in his masterpieces way, it would be pretty normal for Shoto to not remember him, even if the two were so close. Shoto was six when he last saw his older brother, Touya.

Shoto was so strong, even when he was little it was obvious that he would become so strong in the future. Dabi admired Shoto for not using his fire, his left side. He was trying to teach that man a lesson by himself, Dabi appreciated his tenacity. But he started using his flames when he was fighting against a green-haired boy which made Dabi furious and suddenly lit the tv. He had to buy a new television. With that quirk of his, Dabi expected Shoto to be first, or so predicted. If the boy in the photo managed to defeat him, he had considerable power, which would explain why he got villains attention.

Also, the boy always seemed to be angry and angry at everyone, they even had to tie him up because he was causing a big problem. Even the boy's outfit was more like the villain than the hero, it was a disturbing move for heroes to silence him even though he won. Dabi was not surprised, he experienced firsthand how despicable heroes could be. Dabi's ultimate goal was to fulfill Stain's dream. He realized that Kurogiri was waiting for an answer from him, he put the picture back in place.

"It must have been difficult to learn this secret information, and the children would not be alone. How many professional heroes will there be? And who will be on the team?"

Out of the heroes, some of the children could have been a problem to them. They had to a plan carefully. The boy who were supposed to catch wasn't one to give up easily, he was going to force them and also they had to watch out two or three other students. After all, they were being trained for to be heroes of the future, it would be a wrong move to see them powerless. He didn't understand why they were in so much trouble just for a child, Dabi didn't have much hope that the child would join them and he didn't want to deal with an annoying brat. Toga was enough for him.

"Our research is saying Pussy Cats will be there. Eraser Head and Vlad King would definetly be there because they are teachers. Also Spinner, Muscular, Magne, Mustard, Moonfish, and a Nomu members of a Vanguard Action Squad. They will accompany to you. You're in charge of the team, and I believe you can handle the situation easily with your magnificent flames."

Dabi had not heard most of the names before. He would not care if they were captured, his mission was only to capture to child as a leader. If they were caught, it would show that they were incompetent and Dabi didn't need incompetents. He was intrigued by Nomu, it was valuable creature who pushed All Might hard but he was confused that he was going to lead the group, he was expecting Shigaraki to do it.

"I'm a leader, ha? Are you sure Shigaraki is happy with this situation?"

"Shigaraki won't be in that mission, so am I. But I'll be waiting to get you back here when your work will done."

Shigaraki's absence made him suspicious but he was happy, he didn't need him to be bossy. They had just an argument because Dabi didn't say his real name, he had too much headache to get into another one. He left the bar right after Kurogiri told them when they were going to attack, after leaving the bar his headache was lessened a little. After a long walk he returned to his apartment, immediately making his way to the bathroom. Some staples had to be replaced, he grimaced. He hated the process even though years had passed, fortunately there wasn't many staples to replace. After he is done with the process he cleaned up and went to bed. He hated being sober because he couldn't stand remembering his past all the time. Even after many years he couldn't forget what that man said to him.

You're worthless, Touya. You are not important.

He wasn't Touya anymore, he had rejected that name for the past eight years. Right now, he is Dabi. But Touya's past was still bothering him, he couldn't escape his past. No matter how hard he tried, those memories were always there. The drugs on his nightstand at the end of his bed were screaming at him. Dabi was an addict and he wouldn't deny it, he sighed. The following days would be busy with the mission, now was the time. Most likely the effects of the doses which he took today would last for days but Dabi was used to pain, Touya had learned the pain when he was five.

Touya was almost nine years old and he was still continuing to his training, but his father had a lot of work to do for Christmas, and he didn't come home very much these days. Natsuo's quirk had been revealed much earlier than expected, for their father now Natsuo had been declared an inadequate child. Natsuo had an ice quirk, just like Fuyumi and his mother, and Touya had begun to wish that nowadays.

He wasn't a person what his father's wanted, and he couldn't use his power long time. If he have had ice quirk, his father would have never dealt with his and he could have been with his siblings. He once remembered that he was happy to have the same quirk with his father, those memories seemed to stupid him now. Natsuo and Fuyumi looked just like their mother, Touya was very unhappy. Her turquoise eyes were no longer filled with joy as they used to be, they were hurt and sad. He hated the color of his hair. If he had looked like more like his mother, his quirk would have been like that. Fuyumi and Natsuo look like their mother. Touya look like their father, and he had taken his power.

Her mother was fading as the days passed, she lost her old shine. Since Touya's father started to get more tough in training, his mother was trying to block their father. His father was always angry with him and telling her to leave them alone but if she refused, his father would hit him. His mother couldn't take it any longer, she was leaving the room with crying. His father blaming their mother for the children's failure. When Touya wanted to give up in training, he always told him that he was weak like Rei. Touya wanted to yell at him and talked about their mother was how wonderful, strong, good but he just kept quiet. Maybe he was weak, like he said.

His mother had tried for him for months and now she had given up, she couldn't stop their father in any way. All she could do was care with Touya's injuries and that hurt her a lot. Since Endeavor wasn't home, Touya could do whatever he wanted all day, that was a luxury he wasn't used to. He clearly didn't know what would do, he had no idea what else to do as he had spent all his days with training. But then his mother came next to him and told him that his siblings were playing in the garden so he could join them. While his father was away, he liked his mother's behavior more, his mother was smiling like before and she was confident.

He couldn't believe Natsuo was three years old, he was huge. Touya was certainly aware that he didn't look like a nine-year-old, he looked like a six-year-old at most. He was weaker than before, as the doctor said his flames weren't good for his body. Although Natsuo was only three years old he was taller and larger than his, unlike Fuyumi and Touya, he had the body of their father. When he looked at Fuyumi a little more carefully, he realized that she was two or three inches taller than he was. It was unfair, Touya started sulking, he was the biggest but he looked like the smallest. His mother looked at him with laughing, like she knew what he was thinking.

Touya was very angry these days, often easily angry at everything, but then for a moment, he was acting as nothing had happened. Usually, his anger wasn't directed at her or his brothers, but Rei didn't understand why. Only sometimes she saw anger in Touya's eyes, that spark of anger was always there, even if he didn't reflect on them. Rei didn't like it, he was a kid, he shouldn't have had anger in his eyes. But sometimes Touya was so kind, Rei would have trouble believing that those angry eyes belonged to Touya.

Touya's feelings were becoming more deranged as the days pass. He was acting like a child when he was with his siblings and that was making Rei happy. She couldn't stop giggling when she saw Touya's jealousy and sulk on his face. Rei loved the winter, she loved the freshness and the breeze on her skin. Christmas was something she loved when she was little, but she loved it more than before because her husband wasn't in home and her children were so happy. Touya came down the stairs with timid steps. Touya was not close with Fuyumi for a long time and he hardly knew Natsuo. Fuyumi and Natsuo were playing ball together but they stopped when they saw Touya. Fuyumi was a very moving, cheerful girl. She immediately hugged Touya, or rather jumped on him.

"Hey Yumi, you're choking me."

"So you're our big brother, aren't you too skinny to be a big brother? Skinny brother, I like that."

Touya had seen Natsuo last year, and since then Natsuo had grown even bigger. Touya had begun to doubt that he was getting smaller and smaller. Natsuo went to Touya's next and hugged him and said to him he was really skinny, big brother.Then, he walked away from Touya and threw the ball at him with his foot. Touya was suddenly surprised as he tried to throw the ball he lost his balance and fell. Natsuo started to made fun of him over this incident. Touya also began laughing over the incident. Rei was watching these events happily from above.

Natsuo was curious about his brother's quirk, his mother told him he has a strong fire quirk. He wanted to see if they are strong enough as their father. He thought it would be better to show his quirk first and froze the ball. His sister suddenly yelled at him.

"Hey Natsu, that's not nice, you shouldn't freeze everything with your quirk. We can't change it to its former situation, thanks to you!"

Touya did not understand why he did these, may he had done it mistakenly. After all, Natsuo's quirk was just here for a few months. it was obvious that he was always freezing somethings from his words. Touya didn't want these moments to pass with controversy, he took the ball and let the fire blaze out on his hands. Fuyumi and Natsuo froze like a deer in the headlights, they both knew fire strength was strong but they would never think that the fire can be blue. The fire on Touya's hand was not strong enough but it was enough to melt some ice immediately. Both children reacted like "wow", it was fascinating to see the power of fire. Touya liked his siblings' reaction, they impressed to their big brother. All the kids stopped playing with the ball and started to freeze every corner of a freaking garden like Elsa from frozen. Touya kept returning everything back to normal without gave up and this game didn't stop until they got tired. He wasn't sure if he can have a good time with his siblings on future, Touya's wish never changed: his mother and his father be happy together, were spending time with his siblings all day... Shortly all his wish was a happy family but neither Touya nor Dabi wouldn't have this. That innocent, harmless, happy child's feelings just got destroyed and when he is eighteen, Dabi completely destroyed Touya. Touya was just a child that only saw on his dreams...

#dabi is a todoroki #todoroki touya #touya todoroki #dabi #bnha fanfiction #natsuo todoroki #rei todoroki #enji todoroki #endeavor #shouto todoroki #fuyumi todoroki #todoroki family #mha fanfiction #wattpad #ao3 fanfic #mha shigaraki #Spotify

13 notes · View notes

adhd-adept · 3 years

Note

hi! i like your posts! they're real helpful

anyway a thing i need help with

i want to ask my dad for therapy because i think i might have adhd? and also some other shit

so basically

(this is going to be a long post)

back in summer 2020, i thought i might have adhd because i was reading some comics from adhd alien and the signs of adhd she shared seemed eerily familiar?

and i did some research and more signs came up and i thought i might have them?

and i found a therapist who specialises in adhd and other issues

but when i talked to my dad about it he was all "ADHD is only hyperactive idiots who are useless without meds" and he yelled at me for a while and I'm now basically scared of mentioning the topic up ever again

he brought me to some sessions, but i think once he said it was "so the therapist tells you you don't have adhd"?

anyway after the summer ended i couldn't get therapy again because school and busy

with the 2 week spring vacation coming up i was thinking of maybe asking him again? but I'm really scared and he probably won't take it seriously again...

signed,

an idiot

Hey! Thanks. I’m glad I can be helpful. I wanted to answer this right away, but it took me a little time because this question deserves a thoughtful response. This is going to be a long post.

[If anyone with more experience in situations like this has advice, I would welcome suggestions]

First things first! I don't think you're an idiot. This world can be hard to navigate even in the best of times, and I will never think you're foolish for needing a little help with anything that that entails!

Looking for a therapist is a great start! I’m glad that you are taking yourself seriously and taking steps to get help. That can take a lot of courage, and I’m proud of you for it!

Know that it may continue to take courage, and persistence - it can be really difficult to get an official ADHD diagnosis. I definitely have ADHD, and it actually took two tries when I got diagnosed around age 12, as the first doctor thought I had been perfectly attentive during the meeting and thus could not believe I was struggling with inattention elsewhere. My friend in her early twenties has been attending periodic doctor and therapist sessions for a couple months now, because the first doctor didn’t take her seriously, the second said she clearly had ADHD but sent her elsewhere for prescriptions, and the doctor they sent her to insisted she get a second opinion. She is finally starting to get accommodations, but it’s been an ongoing effort.

And you may simply not get along very well with your first therapist. You can always try reaching out to another. It can be a long process, and I hope saying that does not discourage you because there is a lot of good that comes at the end of that process; specifically, a better understanding of yourself and access to some resources that can help you seek accommodations for the things you struggle with.

It sounds like you’ve done your research on therapy, though. If you want any help with looking for a therapist, I am happy to help, (or at least try to). But it sounds like what you’re asking is how to approach the subject with your dad?

You’ll have to take some of my advice from here with a grain of salt; I’ve never been in the specific situation you’re in now, and of course I don’t know your dad as well as you do. But in my experience, rephrasing a request can do a lot to make it sound more reasonable.

I think the first step is understanding where he is coming from. Again, you have met the man and I haven’t, so this is more suggestion and guesswork than any kind of statement.

It sounds like your dad has a significant bias against neurodivergence. But I think it does matter WHY he feels that way. I can only imagine that it comes from a lifetime of hearing those things about ADHD from the people around him, and it will take time for him to reverse that prejudice. I feel sorry for him to have grown up in that hostile environment, and I am sorry that that hostility is being carried through to you.

But the result is that he thinks there’s something wrong with having ADHD. Of course, that isn’t true, but no parent wants to believe there’s something “wrong” with their child, and he will probably be resistant to the idea for as long as he believes that there is.

More than that, I think parents don’t want to believe that, if there IS something wrong with their kid, it might have come from them. A child twisting their ankle in PE class or getting bitten by an ant is one thing - it hurts to see the child in pain, but it isn’t their fault. It’s much harder for a parent to see their child suffer because of a hereditary condition, because I think there can be a lot of guilt associated with that.

On top of that, if he’s been told that ADHD is a terrible thing, it might be disagreeable to him because if you have it then maybe he has it too. People don’t want to believe there’s anything wrong with themselves either.

I don’t know if that’s, on some level, why he reacted the way he did - and even if it’s true, I don’t think any of this justifies yelling at you for it. Nothing justifies that. And I want to be clear that it shouldn’t have to be your responsibility to figure out why he feels the way he feels - that should be on him, and it’s unfair to you to have to work through his issues on your way to getting the help you need. This isn’t necessarily the best or only approach. But trying to at least figure out why he feels the way he does might help you figure out how to approach the subject again.

Maybe even ask him where he got his impression of ADHD, if it does not feel like doing so will start a new argument. (Maybe don’t mention the part where you’re asking because some stranger on the internet is trying to psychoanalyze him.) But I find, personally, that conversations go better when I can approach them with patience, and I have more patience when I make an effort to remember that the other person’s reactions have to come from somewhere, and if I can at least start out believing that they are misinformed rather than actively hostile.

I think a good start would be to try educating him about ADHD and see how that goes. Anything might sound scary because it is unfamiliar; or, worse, it might sound scary because it sounds vaguely familiar even if the only information you know is that you think someone said it’s scary.

An aside, to give an example: There was a meme a while ago where water would be referred to as “dihydrogen monoxide” and framed as a dangerous thing with vague-but-technically-true statements such as “it’s a common byproduct of chemical reactions,” and “it’s found in our sewer systems”, or “it has the highest pH value of any acid” (you may recall that the strongest acids are those with a low pH value).

I think it’s easy to do the same with neurodiversity. If all you know about water is that it’s a chemical, it may sound scary. If all you know about ADHD is that it’s a mental disorder, it may sound scary.

Talking with him directly may be better than sending him articles - they tend to start with phrases like “mental health disorder” and “chronic condition”, or big (scary) jargon words that you might want to avoid if you want it to sound approachable (I mean, even the “Simple English” version of the Wikipedia article has the word “neurodevelopmental” in the first sentence).

I think it’s important for him to know that everyone’s ADHD experience is different - symptoms can be strong, or they can be very weak, but even people with very weak symptoms may benefit from seeking professional advice. You can be very “high functioning,” and still find certain tasks more difficult than most people do, and thus benefit from help even if you don’t “need” it to achieve your goals or lead a “normal” looking life.

You might tell him that a lot of ADHD treatment is about paying attention to your own behaviors and learning what works best for you - that even if you do not have ADHD, you may have some experiences in common with people who do, and that seeking a therapist who specializes in ADHD may help you find someone with the kind of attitude you are looking for; maybe you want someone who will be especially patient, and who will be prepared to take you seriously with the symptoms or traits you do have.

After all, most people can understand that you don’t have to have clinical depression to benefit from some of the behavioral things often recommended to people who do, such as getting regular exercise and more sunshine. You can do things that improve your mood even if you don’t have diagnosed clinical depression.

Similarly, if you are seeking help with some things that people with ADHD struggle with - organization, time management, staying focused - a therapist who specializes in ADHD may be a good fit for you for that reason alone, even if you don’t have it.

And yeah, it sounds like he doesn’t want you to have ADHD, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying “even if I don’t have it, talking to a specialist can help me rule that out,” if that’s what helps him feel more comfortable with you getting an appointment. Again, it will take time for him to overcome the negative impression he has now, but at the very least, if he forms a positive impression of ADHD therapists he might not be so hostile about ADHD itself.

Maybe remind him that there can be a lot of overlap between ADHD and other experiences, but that it seems like a good place to start seeking help because it is a relatively common cause of some of the things you’ve experienced.

Know how much you would be willing to compromise before you have this conversation - would you be okay with getting a therapist even if they do not specialize in ADHD? Would you be unlikely to get an appointment if he made it conditional on something like maintaining good grades? Have a clear, tangible goal in mind; while you may leave room for uncertainty in your diagnosis until you speak with a professional, you should try not to leave room for uncertainty in what you are asking for. Know what you want - a session (or a number of sessions) with a therapist - and have your reasoning for that ready, maybe even written down. People tend to take you more seriously when you can demonstrate that you’ve thought something through.

If you say you think you have ADHD, I believe you. But regardless of that, you have recognized that there is something you need help with, and you are taking action in response. I hope that, at the very least, if your dad does not want to take the suggestion of ADHD seriously, he can at least take you seriously when you say that you need help.

And you will get help. You are moving in the right direction. Don’t lose sight of that.

I hope I’ve answered your question! If this is hard to read I can maybe come back and re-write it as a set of bullet points, maybe suggestions of things to say, but I felt that in the case of more personalized advice it was important to address the context of my advice. If you needed more specific advice, feel free to clarify. And of course, if you have any other questions, I’m always around.

Best of luck!

#long post #please let me know how this conversatipn goes #or if you want more help planning for it #you can DM me and we can talk about it in more detail #i would want to know more about what youve talked with your dad about before #how you usually approach sensitive topics and how you expect him to respond #before i could give better advice on the wording i would suggest or anything like that

4 notes · View notes

migleefulmoments · 4 years

Text

The Book Club: My Analysis

I just posted a long look at the ATOM analysis but I couldn't comment on their posts because it would have been too confusing. Here is where I will make comments to their analysis. As always my comments in parenthesis and italicized.

In this first post, notice that Abby isn’t looking for big themes and symbols-although she did catch the big ones- instead she is picking out single words and short phrases and drawing analogies to Darren. This is the literature version of cutting up an already short video into 1-2 seconds, slowing it down for drama and making it a gif. It’s how you distort the truth.

**********************************************

December 26, 2019 by this is a submission to ajw (X)

Submission from a friend (I posted my brief thoughts at the end). Major spoilers below. Scroll past if you haven’t read and don’t want to know.

First off, just in the note to the readers, I knew this book was going to be full of some good stuff.

Obviously, all interpretations are my own, after my first read through.

“A tale of magic follows a group of young fairies as they fight for acceptance in an oppressive world where magic is outlawed and despised. This story is very close to my heart, and writing it was the most challenging and emotional process I’ve experienced as an author to date. …… I hope it encourages and comforts anyone who may be fighting their own battle for acceptance and equality.”

Fairies= anyone feeling different or told they can’t be who they are, perhaps including the LGBT community? Hmm.. Close to his heart? What closer to his heart than the reality he’s living? (Yes, it is definitely the LGBTQ community. If you couldn’t tell from reading the story Chris says “For me, the magic in A Tale of Magic is an allegory for being gay.” and faires are the people who have magical abilities. This is a story he calls “close to my heart” because he is a gay man who grew up in a town that is now represented by Devin “the dunce” Nunes- so super fake-religious, judgemental and intolerant. He’s been getting mail from gay kids for a decade and he wrote a story to tell his truth and Abby is turning it into a story about Darren and the reality she has created for Chris to be living)

“If we want to change the world’s opinion it must be encouraged, not forced– and nothing encourages people like a good spectacle.”

Hmm… a spectacle? Sounds familiar. You can’t force anyone to believe anything, but it can be encouraged by opening your eyes to a good spectacle, like say a wedding, and realizing that it just doesn’t make sense if you open your eyes. Nuff said. (Except in this case Mrs. Weatherberry is saying they need to encourage people to accept magic not force them to and a good spectacle is the best way to encourage change. For this to be a reference to the wedding, Chris would have to be happy about the wedding).

One of the books that Brystal comes across is by Daisy Peppernickel. I think that speaks for itself. It’s clearly known that Daisy is a certain someone’s nickname, especially used by the part of his fans that believe in Daisy. (This is stupid. It’s a silly, British-sounding name- not a reference to Darren. I can’t imagine a Chris celebrating the fandom’s fetishization of Darren’s efferent movements by labeling it “Daisy”)

“.. each author’s cause of death was EXECUTED FOR CONSPIRACY AGAINS THE KINGDOM. … It was a graveyard for truth and an archive of people the Justices had silenced.”

Deleted tweets, accounts vanishing into thin air. This sounds a lot like the conspiracies against (str8) fandom. It’s no secret that people have been silenced. (yes, deleted tweets, accounts vanishing in thin air (what?) are exactly conspiracy against the fandom. Both Chris and Darren are super worried about a handful of fans in the Str8 fandom. You guys MATTER so much Chris included you in his book. He loves you, dudes).

“All the books in the secret room were written by people who felt and thought exactly like she did, by people who questioned information, who criticized social restrictions, who challenged the systems set in place, and who weren’t afraid to make their ideas known.”

Questioning information? Challenging the system? Not afraid to make their ideas known? Can’t think of anybody that might do that. (It’s almost like Chris was talking about all the brave people who push back against society’s unfair treatment of the disenfranchised and minority persons who are discriminated against whether that is because of their race, nationality, gender, age or income. I know for a FACT he was NOT talking about the cc fandom. who do not do these things for the better good of society but rather for their own needs. Chris was honoring people like Mrs. Weatherberry and MLK, Rosa Parks, Harvey Milk,, people who push boundaries to make positive changes for the good of all people. What you all do is petty and based not on genuine inconsistencies in the system but rather your own refusal to accept that you are wrong and have always been wrong.)

“Personally, I think life is way to complicated for anyone’s life to be set in stone.”

Even though D seems to be in a death sentence, there’s way more to life and his fate is not set in stone. C believes in his man, and knows he can overcome this. (Um what?)

“Sometimes as a survival method, fairies suppress their magic so deep within themselves that it becomes extremely difficult to reach it.”

This reminds me of D’s dudebro persona that he brings out. He’s suppressing himself so far that at times he’ll turn himself into a different caricature of himself. We all know Daisy is in there somewhere under the layers of D-bag. (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. You mean when Darren is acting exactly like Darren? People are like onions, they have layers. Dude bro is one of Darren’s layers. Not understanding that Darren is who Darren proves that you aren’t are the one who isn’t actually paying attention. It’s so obvious )

“It’s very hard watching someone you love in so much pain.”

C watching the person he loves get knocked down over and over, he’s speaking directly from his own experience here. (How do you know this? Chris has never once suggested he finds life difficult right now or that he is in pain. It’s almost like you made it up)

“Horence had the misfortune of falling in love with a witch. … Naturally, such a relationship was forbidden, so for over a decade, Horence and the witch carried on a secret affair. When Horence’s soldiers discovered the relationship, the men betrayed their commander. They burned Horence at the stake and forced the witch to watch it happen.”

Using LGBT to equal ‘magical’ (As I’ve found countless references I haven’t even put in here) D fell in love with someone magical (gay), and their relationship was forbidden and secret. Once their secret was out, the team made D pay for it and C had to watch it all go down with nothing that he could do. (Except throw all his angst into his books ;) ) (Good job Abby- you got the most obvious allegory. The one that Chris acknowledged “For me, the magic in A Tale of Magic is an allegory for being gay.” The rest of your nonsense is silly- the secret isn’t out and nobody except Abby has ever suggested anyone is making Darren or Chris pay anything).

“We must pity the people who close to hate, Brystal. Their lives will never be as meaningful as those of the people who choose to love.”

The pathetic souls that do nothing but hate on C C and spread hate will never have as meaningful of life as those that chose to love and support our boys. (Um...I guess you don’t believe in coincidences but you believe in Karma. That doesn’t make a lot of sense. I am 100% positive that karma will get the people who don’t support cc. Both Chris and Darren have both denied a relationship and neither has ever suggested any of it is true).

“We all know how terrible keeping a secret can feel. Secrets are like parasites, the longer you keep them inside you, the more damage they cause.”

The longer D is force to stay closeted, the more damage it does to him.

“If we had had everything we wanted then, we might never have found what we needed now.”

This to me feels like C is actually a little bit thankful for the bumps in the road. He’s trying to look on the bright side. If things had always been easy for them, they might have taken it for granted. Everything they’ve been through has only made them stronger. If they can get through all of this shit alive, they can make it through absolutely anything. (What twisted mind writes crisscolfer so that Darren’s life is a living hell with literally nobody to trust or on his side except his one true love and his mommy and daddy but also Chris is happy to have been put through the “bumps” in the road? )

“She dreamed the fairy was repeatedly knocked to the ground by a ferocious monster in a fur coat and snowflake crown.”

The ferocious monster in a fur coat? Makes me think of another monster that wears a fur coat. Shade. (Chris is a vindictive dick when he writes?)

“You can stop pretending, Brystal. I know you’re aware of much more than you’re letting on.”

C knows that we know. He’s not living under a rock. (yes, this is exactly the kind of sentence anyone would add to make sure your fandom knows that you are on to them. I agree- Chris is sending you messages of support because though all of this, he’s worried about you).

“I don’t know about you guys, but I refuse to sit back and let a frosty old witch take Madame Weatherberry away from us.”

Frosty old witch= Obviously M (wait I thought Mia was the monster in a fur coat and crown? She can’t be all the villians)

“Do you guys know what your love languages are? Mine is quality time. It used to be physical touch, but that wasn’t working very well, so I had to change it. People are so picky about personal space and–”

C cherishes any quality time that he gets to have with D, since it’s not always available. (I can’t.... the 5 love languages are specific and about how you communicate with other people. You don’t pick a love language based on what is going on in your life.)

“Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons.”

I have this bookmarked, along with some other passages about the Snow Queen / Mrs. Weatherberry. I know that there’s /some/ significance around this, but I haven’t fully figured out exactly what all it symbolizes. I have a few ideas, but nothing really seems to line up completely to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it at some point! (The significance is that Brystal has to made a tough decision to do something that at first glance is reprehensible but is much more complicated than that. Sometimes- like in war- people do bad things for the right reason)

I think those are the big things that I’ve bookmarked. There’s so much more I could talk about, but I’m afraid it would start to not make any sense if I just started rambling, so I decided to go off of passages from the book and my thoughts on why I think they’re significant or tie into C C.

You can feel free to just keep this for yourself, or post it at a later date, or take pieces parts to post. Whatever you want!

********************

ajw adds: know I’ve been really bad about posting on the book. I saved this submission because I thought it was brilliant and a lot of great insights.

My opinion on the Madame W/Horence/Ice Queen? C is Madame W/Ice Queen and D is Horence. I too thought frosty old queen at first referred to m. But once the twist was revealed I’m convinced it’s c and his dual personality like the twins. He is a Gemini as he likes to remind us. It’s his struggle between being happy with the love he was blessed with and his desire to destroy for the people that have so gravely hurt them.

The quote above to think about most.

Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons

That’s him talking about their Pr life and I’d guess directly addressing the fraud in NOLA. He’s believed in d and he wants us to believe in him too. (No, it is just a plot point in a story about “good and bad” written for kids)

#crisscolfer #crisscolfer lol #darren criss #Chris speaks through ATOM #Book Club analysis

7 notes · View notes

havntednlost · 4 years

Text

The main problem: my mother.

Her and my social life.

She's my fucking hell. Since I was born. She never allowed me to do anything along with my father (that was waaaaaay more possessive and jealous when I was a child while now with my little sister he's all like "do whatever you want it's fine").

She never respected my privacy. My spaces. My decisions. My opinions. I wasn't allowed to have an opinion. I wasn't allowed to speak when she decided something. I wasn't allowed to choose my friends. I wasn't allowed to speak to some people I defined friends because they weren't okay for her. She'd always decided who I had to talk to and how I had to behave. She always shushed me when I wanted to say something that she thought could've been against her decision. I grew up with her ideas, with her ways of talking and acting. She was manipulating me, creating a copy of her. She wanted to see her in me. (You failed. Ops?🤭) And I was always alone. I never had friends. The only friends I could make were people with disabilities. Because others couldn't stand me. Others hated me or made fun of me. Since I was 6 (elementary school) to being 10 I only talked to people who had difficulties at school or were handicapped. I felt like they didn't judge me. And I felt like they were okay with me being their friend.

What does not having friends has to do with my mother?

Well easy: my social life was in her hands. And that's why I never had anyone by my side. Because no one was okay for her. Only one or maybe two people. And I never complained about it. Because she made me grow up like that. I had to shut up and just do what she said. In my childhood I remember disobeying just a couple of times to my mother. Consequences? Being hit. She slapped me in the face so hard she made me cry. Once she slapped me in front of my classmates in that way. My teacher told her it wasn't necessary and mum just used a polite way to say "fuck you I am her mother and I decide how she has to grow up". My teacher had to shut up while he was caressing me and making me calm down. In that moment I forgot I was in class. I must remember being in my teacher's arms and feeling safe, far from my mum's hands. I was 8 if I'm not wrong.

So, elementary school ended. Middle school started. First year. Me, still with the mentality of a child. Naive. Too innocent and silly to understand the world I was going to face. Middle school was the worst period of my life. I've been bullied all the three years.

First year: Afraid. Always defensive. But willing to be a perfect student just as I was at the previous school. It was just me and other four girls (way smarter than me because they didn't live like they were perfect dolls to keep in a house-cage) and then 15 boys. One of them had a crush on me. I rejected him. I got no will to talk about that embarrassing story. After that also this boy + all the girls made fun of me and bullied me and called me names like: horse, camel, annoying, stupid and stuff like that. I was absolutely not used to being talked to like that, consequently it was one of the first traumas I've experienced in first person, without having my mother "by my side" "to dEfENd me". First year ends and I made no friends.

My parents decide to move to another city. Caserta. Close to Naples. I spent two years there. It was a fucking hell. People there were like... the plastics of mean girls. We were 10 girls and 13 boys. Way better, I thought. Ugh, I was wrong. Boys were terrible, worse than the ones at the other school and girls? Damn, they were all Regina George. It was when my depression symptoms started, along with anxiety. They talked at my back, saying bad stuff about me. How I found out? My mother was going through my chats (without me knowing, of course) and she called me to tell me. I read the group chat. They started saying "Is Maria in this group? No? Are you sure? Yes". So after establishing that I wasn't there they started saying things like: Oh luckily she isn't. She's so annoying. Why the fuck did she came to our school? Couldn't she stay at her old one? She's so ugly and stupid. No one can stand her. No one wants her. And she thinks we're her friends! 😂😂😂 She thinks she's better than us! (totally untrue) She's no one. etc...

Now imagine me crying while reading everything because I didn't expect it.

My mother: Didn't you expect all of this? It was obvious.

Well sorry if I was too stupid because I grew up thinking people were good and I would've faced a world full of roses and love.

I just told her I didn't. Your fault, darling.

Day after. My mother goes to school and talks to my teacher about it. My teacher defends me and helps me with that and the thing is solved. But my classmates just hate me more and more. And they just keep bullying me but more subtly so that no one notices. But I was a bit smarter because I had my cousin (I will dedicate another post to this special person ❤️) that was helping me to go through all the shit and giving me advice.

Middle school ends.

I am not homophobic anymore (like my parents taught me to be). I start having doubts about my sexuality but ignore them. My depression gets worse and worse.

My mother gets worse and worse. Starting to prefer my two brothers and little sister over me for everything. I was needed just to clean the house and to be yelled at for wearing always black, being unsocial, always staying on my own in the dark, always with my phone, always listening to music, always being sad or angry, never smiling, staying up after 10pm for watching TV series or reading, not studying much etc...

(Want a hint my dear mother? I was/am depressed.)

In this period I start having suicidal thoughts. Still because of my parents. My cousin supporting me and telling me is silly and that there are other options.

We move back to Naples.

I am now 14.

Highschool starts. First year is shit because I get bullied again but I start making friends. A group of 7 people (me included). My mother says they're okay. Fucking finally.

Alessia, Gabriella, Chiara, Simona, Sara, Andreea (romanian). Fucking amazing friends. Disgustingly amazing.

My grades are low. My parents keep hating on me and yelling at me for that. But my friends support me.

In the meanwhile I get to know a girl on the Internet. We become close friends and that develops in feelings. We start a relationship. Let's be clear. It wasn't. It was just based on the fact that we had the same problems and she gave me a lot of affection, and I thought it was love.

One day my mother takes my phone, again, without me knowing, and reads all of my chats.

She finds out about this girl. I was terrified and so I confess. My first coming out. She says nothing. She goes to my dad and tells him. My dad yells "Go away! Go away from my sight!" and I go to the kitchen terrified. Crying and sobbing. We sit. Me, my mother and my dad. They start talking to me. A sum up:

I don't remember how my mother started talking. I removed it because it was traumatic, all I remember is her saying shit about that poor girl.

I say "Mum, what's wrong with gays? They're just like us"

Mum slaps me. Hard as fuck. I was shook. Scared. Hurt. Confused.

After that they start talking about how wrong is being gay, that God doesn't accept it, that it's not natural, that it's just a phase, that only animals have gay sex and that's why we humans are different from animals that must follow their instincts. They keep repeating the same things in different ways for 3 hours. I am not kidding. 3 hours. From 3pm to 6:30pm only talking about this. (Want to know what I've done all this time? I just nodded. I kept on nodding because I was afraid to talk.)

Mum deletes and blocks every number and friends from Internet and takes my SIM card and puts it in her phone so she can check all my chats from her phone. She throws my phone away breaking it.

Nighttime: No sleep. Everytime I fell asleep I had nightmares so I woke up. Sobbing. Crying. I can't fucking breathe. A fucking hell.

Morning: I wake up totally empty and with a dead face. My parents are in the kitchen. They warmly say "good morning" and ask me to sit. I sit on the couch. They ask me "how are you". My answer: HOW AM I?? HOW AM I YOU FUCKER?????!!!!! YOU'RE REALLY ASKING ME HOW ARE YOU WITH THIS NONCHALANCE???? FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. My actual answer:.... i'm tired.

I don't remember anything else after that. Trauma I guess.

I am not a psychologist but I'm pretty sure I'm fucked up.

So after this happens I tell everything to my cousin. She doesn't believe that. She actually doesn't. She was too shocked to believe it. Haha, same sis. I don't either.

So, it takes a while for her to process everything and that's when our friendship starts for real. (We were good friends since I was 12. We grew up together, but there has never been an actual friendship because of how I was as a child. A pretty horrible child.) She starts helping me with my mother and all the stuff. We start getting closer and closer as time goes by and as my mother keeps being a bitch.

Second year of highschool.

My fucking favourite. It was such a good time. My grades weren't the best, my depression was fucking me up more than ever, my anxiety was kicking me out, but.. I had my friends. With a new entry. Simona. Yeah another one. Alessia changes school. So it's still 7 of us.

I swear if it wasn't for my friends that year and my cousin. I would've killed myself. Going back home from school everyday was basically going back to hell every fucking day.

dude: go to hell

me: awww where do you think i came from honey?

Then... that summer comes. Summer 2018.

I argue with my friends because of my parents, giving them the fault of everything. I keep them away from me. My mother gets even worse. She's against me like I am her enemy. She yells at me for everything. Every single thing.

me: *wakes up*

mother: WHY DID YOU WAKE UP GO BACK TO SLEEP AND SLEEP PROPERLY LIKE A LADY YOU'RE DISGUSTING.

She separates me from my cousin because she talked back at her (after she said bad things about my cousin's mother at her face) and here, another trauma. She calls me whore, liar, bitch because I didn't defend her like my cousin did with her mother (sorry but i hate you bitch). She says it's all my fault because I told my cousin everything about the bad things she did to me. That day goes away and my mother calms down and says it's not my fault but my cousin's because she's a bitch. I have no chance to talk to her for a month then we finally meet when my mother isn't at home. Since then we talk without no one of my family knowing. (It will be 3 years this summer, she never knew we do. How stupid can she be thinking I wouldn't talk to my favourite person ever because she said so).

September comes. Back to school. Third year. No friends. Low grades. No will to study. No will to live. But my cousin has my back. She keeps me alive, in fact I tried to kill myself multiple times. I failed. (Now I'm happy I didn't.) I pass that year. Not after another trauma. I seek for help at school. My teacher tells my mother about it and tells her that I am bisexual, atheist and I'm not okay in my family.

Thanks for ruining me, teacher. I expressively told her not to talk about it with my mother buuuut okay.

Quick sum up: I come back from school, my mother is crying. She starts saying things like "You don't want me as a mother? You don't like me? You hate me?" and I said no (not knowing that she knew what I said at school). Then the evening she walks to me and sits near me.

"Tell me the truth"

I was obviously confused. So she confesses what she knows. I was expecting the worst. It ended up with me talking to my uncles because my mother was "tOo hUrt" to talk to me.

"It's just a phase." "I hated my parents too." "You're too young to say these things." "You can't say you're bisexual if you never experienced anything."

It ended up with me faking a hug and "I'm sorry mum, I exaggerated." (obviously it was just to make everything stop).

bonus

me: *wants help to fight a difficult situation*

mum: *gets to know about it* YOU HURT ME YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH.

also mum: *reproaches it to my face everytime she's mad at me*

Fourth year starts. This is my year. This year. 2019/2020. It started perfectly. Good grades, my friends are back.

We move again. Tivoli (Rome). I am fucking happy with that. Expect for the fact that I can't meet my cousin anymore. But of course we can chat. Secretly on Telegram. Because my mother doesn't know what it is. Also, she stopped checking my phone, finally.

So, now. I'm 17, fourth year of highschool. Here I have no friends because they all suck. I miss my friends from Naples. And I wish I was free from my parents.

Some parts are not detailed. This because I will dedicate to them other posts otherwise this one would've been waaaaaay longer. And it's already too long.

No one will read these long posts but in case you're doing it, thank you ❤.

#my mother is satan #i hate my mother #my parents are crazy #fuck my parents #fuck my family #depression #anxiety #no social life #i have no social life #i have no friends #it's all my mothers fault

4 notes · View notes

eds-zebra-warrior · 3 years

Text

2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 17 Prompt: Childhood)

This was discussed in many of my other posts but I will discuss it a little more here. Though I was born to the perfect parents for me I did not have a perfect childhood. I have a half brother and sister which played a roll in making things a little more difficult. Also being a child that was sick, spending decades seeking a diagnosis going through decades of medical abuse and neglect made life much different for me than most. Bullying had an impact on my life due to my delay in diagnosis. All of these combined sculped my childhood and made things a bit more complicated and a little less picket fence of a lifestyle.

I was born premature, requiring my first surgery at four days old and being diagnosed with a heart murmur. I had a brother who passed away before I was born and a half brother and half sister who were very irresponsible and wild to say the least. Between my health issues and my siblings I was forced to grow up very quickly. I went to custody hearings for my siblings who had a mother with multiple mental illnesses and would only take her meds when a court hearing was coming up and other times was an addict who was also Schizophrenic and Bipolar and would hallucinate about the swat showing up, telling my siblings to hide the drugs and so on. They preferred living with their mob because they had zero structure in her household but since their mom would take her medication before court hearings and have the kids lie, which they would because they liked not having to go to school, bathe or have any rules, my dad was unsuccessful at getting them from their mom.

They did however get mad on and off and demand to move in here, until they found out they had to go to school, do their homework and couldn't run the streets only to go back home. Every time they came they were riddled with lice, especially my sister and after allowing them to come into the house several times after my sister denied having lice and blamed it on dandruff or something which resulted in her spreading them to me since she shared my room when she was here, my mom had to start putting a chair out in the driveway and do lice treatments on them before they were allowed to enter the house so though my parents kept me clean I developed anxiety at quite a young age about lice which I still carry to this day. My brother was cleaner than my sister but he had ADHD and a very bad temper. I would watch him literally kick my mom in the face and try to beat her up as a kid. When I was four years old he was 12 and took me behind a pine tree in our back yard and beat me. This was the first time he went to juvenile detention.

His criminal record continued from there. It started with more minor things like petty theft but soon escalated to multiple counts of rape, cashing social securety checks of senior citizens and the list went on. He also became an addict using things such as meth and heroin. My sister resorted to a life of living off of the government and sugar daddies. She would go on welfare for 36 months and when they cut her off she learned quickly that if she got a job and worked for a month or two, just until the government started garnishing her wages, she would stop showing up, the job would fire her and she could sign up for welfare for another 36 months. She had kids but was never really mother material, letting them essentially raise themselves and still moving in and out of my parents house and coming for holidays saying she didn't have any money for gifts for the kids while amazon packages were rolling in with lingerie, promiscuous clothing and electronics for herself. During highschool I helped my mom raise her youngest which taught me a lot of responsibility but also another reason I grew up so quickly.

Now I’m going to back up and explain the health and social aspects of my life. After my first surgery at 4 days old it was pretty apparent to my mom that I wasn’t the perfectly healthy baby the hospital told her she had. Growing up I had chronic pain and was sick all the time. I caught pretty much everything going around and had strep more times than I care to think about. My mom brought my pain up to the doctor when I was 5, telling him that I have talked about my back hurting since basically I could talk. He didn't believe it so I grew up just assuming everyone felt like I did and it was normal to be in pain so never really said anything about it to anyone but my parents so I honestly don't know what it's like not to be in pain. I don't know what pain free feels like. It's just something I don't think I have ever experienced. It used to be tolerable but it has always been there.

I was also really clumsy to the point that all throughout school to the point that my gym teachers always took notice. I was the kid with glasses, for a year, braces never grew from the age of two to the age of 12 and started putting on weight in my later childhood, passing out like a goat, hand learning disabilities and was picked on by the main bully of the school so badly that my own friends became afraid to associate with me at school afraid they would be picked on too. I got beat up so badly that I got one and possibly two traumatic brain injuries from the same kid. I eventually was pulled out of the school.

When I switched schools my popularity swung the opposite way and I also finally started to grow and lose a lot of my weight. Unfortunately this is about the same time I believe my gastroparesis started really flaring up. A lot of my peers started believing I was anorexic because I didn't want to eat because it hurt too bad to eat. It wasn't that I thought I was overweight or anything. This was around my 7th grade year and going into the 10th grade I weighed 79lbs so I was probably around that or a little less. I was very thin and maybe about 4’9” in the 7th grade and 5' in the tenth grade. Anyhow I knew I wasn't overweight by any means and was skin and bones but it hurt so bad to eat that eating wasn’t enjoyable. I also had a lot of GI issues and believe at this time I was still in colonics to avoid having my intestines resected. My mom took me to a lot of doctors who blew me off and made it sound as if I’m just a kid so probably making my symptoms up for attention.

I finally got a new GP that year who looked at me and knew exactly what was wrong telling me I had celiac disease. He sent me for my first barium swallow which was absolutely disgusting and miserable as I got an intestinal blockage from the barium, he ran an Elisa test, sent me for my first colonoscopy and did an IgG/ IgA test which back then was very new and cost $500 to send my blood to Florida to be tested for allergies between all of them I had celiac disease and 17 other food allergies. I saw a nutritionist who said basically they didn't know what to tell me because I had too many allergies but I eventually figured it out and some of them luckily I only had to go a year without before I was able to trial them again to see if my GI system had healed enough from how severe my Celiac Disease was to be able to tolerate them again. I am still allergic to all of them but at least now I can tolerate a lot of my allergies in moderation but there are a few I will never be able to have again.

High School was when the real problems started. I started having a lot of chest pain, trouble breathing, and was in and out of the hospital. I started having cardiac arrests and seizures which is when the really serious medical abuse and neglect took off, I was sent home from hospitals told noting was wrong even after a cardiac arrest. During this cardiac arrest my mom had to resuscitate me because the nurses refused to come to the room when the alarms went off believing that I had simply pulled off my leads for attention. This happened all the way through high school with no reason why until eventually someone listened when I was 23.

My childhood was different than some may have experienced. I was socially awkward and had a lot of quarks, some embraced them and some hated them. I was bullied terribly at my first school, extremely popular at my second school and fell right in the middle of the two at my third school so it allowed me to get a lot of different perspectives and if there was anything to take from my first school, it was not to be that bully and allowed me to make friends with a wide range of individuals. My childhood may have been complex but I have no regrets. Sure there are things I wish were different such as the influence my siblings had on me which made me so uptight about following rules to avoid being like them and getting diagnosed much sooner but definitely no regrets.

#MyEDSChallenge #MyHSDChallenge

0 notes