#hate how much she's like... not fetishizing necessarily but definitely something | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jittyjames · 3 months

Note

⭐

ok let me talk about john 11:35 for a moment— or jesus wept

this fic is actually more recently written. it originally started as a Valentine's Day fic for the jcs discord server (sun/moon dynamics with jesus/mary/judas) but then it twisted into this big ole fic. you can still see the whispers of the fluff piece it once was, like when jesus compares mary to light and warmth and stares at the stars with judas. so i didn't get to actually join that challenge, but there was an effort!

i think it's quite clear the disciples in this fic were actually a commentary on most modern day religious spaces. like blatantly ignoring the words of jesus to focus on their hate instead? searching for power? having no forgiveness of empathy for even the man they call savior? yeahhhhh. i think the disciples are still sympathetic characters honestly, and they're more traumatized than anything. their perceptions of death are so scattered at the moment. so much so they can't even grasp what it means to die anymore. because jesus came back. he came back after the horrors. he suffered, but yet he's still here. so how bad can death truly be? and they want to ensure their legacies are intact. they want to become legends, just like they always did. but now, two of their own just died at once. they have to scramble to make sure they're leaving something behind. so now, let's talk about the misogyny. we can see it begin to mold. we all know jesus accepted women perfectly well into the group, that it was the apostles and paul who started with the whole "women should sit down and shut up" type thing. but we can see that with mary's treatment. peter is the first person to disregard her when it comes to picking the next apostle. yeah he says it's because she's traumatized, but truly it's because he doesn't think he can handle sharing the spotlight with someone who jesus loves more than him again. (we all know i headcanon judas and peter as jesus' right and left hand). it's not necessarily that he's in love with jesus or anything like that, but he knows how he feels. he thinks he knows what's best at the moment. mary and judas? even jesus to an extent? ruled by their emotions for each other. he sees judas' betrayal as the result of some petty relationship drama. he won't have it coming in again to ruin everything he has planned. but peter is also viewing mary as weak. how can she grieve the man who killed jesus? why is she crying all the time when she should be spitting on his grave like the rest of them? it makes Peter not trust her. and then you just have the period-typical misogyny, too mixing with that. then, we also have matthias not even acknowledging her, even as she stands by jesus' side. she's not important to him or to the story, even if she's jesus' heart. she's already being erased by the narrative. and john making the choice of leaving their relationship as a whole out of his book? rooted in homophobia and misogyny. their version on jesus should be above the likes of mary and judas. i have a lot of disciples thoughts. they're not perfect, but they're not simply evil here either. they have their reasons. like can you imagine watching your friend die bc their boyfriend sold them out to the police, and no one really gives you a good explanation for it? you'd be pissed, too. you'd be hurt.

ONE OF THE THINGS IDK IF ANYONE HAS MENTIONED YET. He had caught sight of him one night, sitting amongst a field of poppies, the darkness encasing the deep red of them, the pale blue of Judas.- POPPIES ARE A SYMBOL OF DEATH. JUDAS WAS SITTING IN A FIELD OF POPPIES NIGHTLY. idk if anyone caught onto it, but i most definitely wrote that with an intention. ALSO i had never utilized feet washing scenes bc i don't want people to think i have a foot fetish but like. there's so much angst potential there, and gerohugerh.

also i tried to sprinkle as much judas imagery as I could (or at least what i find to be imagery) but the more obvious ones like the blue coat and peaches, and the judas tree as the hanging tree. but also birds, spring, and stars. hehe. very sell-indulgent.

my roman empire is mary and jesus moving to kerioth to feel close to judas. i love this idea. i love the picture of it. i headcanon kerioth as just the typical, small southern town. orchards and fields, farms and small schools, everyone knows everyone. i mean is this me projecting my own small town life? yeahhhh.

but something i didn't get to talk about is the issue of simon iscariot. but I think I'll save that one 👀

there's a part of me that want to add to this bc @pinkishflowersilverycoin and i hatched a plot in dms. like judas isn't in hell in this world. he's in heaven. jesus didn't go back, so it's just judas alone up there for the time being. he'll be the one to welcome all the disciples, mary, jesus when they die. (will jesus die?? who is to say?? is it some weird supernatural thing?? maybe.) but we felt like maybe judas would take on peter's supposed role at heaven's gate. he's the first one to get there. they'll all have to deal with him again, so even if the apostles think that he's just rotting somewhere, his will be the first face they see when they die.

also we didn't even get started on jesus and mary's kids (sara and elias of kerioth, respectively). we decided they would be the ones to write some gnostic gospels, wanting to set the record straight about their third hypothetical parent, and tell the actual story of their mourning parents.

and I think this is everything for now!

#director ask game

2 notes · View notes

aethesfaelibrarae · 11 months

Text

So watching the Barbie movie and listening to the El Diablo remix of Fly Away by Teddyloid sparked an epiphany for Ann—

She could have been Panty. Now hear me out,

just as Panty had a mini-arc of not being as much of a hedonistic bitch (for better or worse), Ann could have had that. She's spiteful and pretty, and knows that she's pretty—she just hates when other people use that to justify mistreating her.

She doesn't give a shit about the other victims aside from her and Shiho. This might just be fanon but she definitely gives me the vibes of someone who knew Ryuji, knew him well, and still couldn't do anything for him during the initial Kamoshida incident (him breaking Ryuji's knee and team). She decided against killing Kamoshida not because it'd be right or wrong necessarily but because the only way he can atone, in her eyes, is to suffer.

She has a whip, for crying out loud. That soft, frightened Ann and the sadist who only cares about who she's loyal—who her friends are—they need to co-exist. And in Canon P5, they don't. Ann likes sugar and Shiho and after that, she barely likes modeling or has a want. And that sucks.

Her costume—the perfect embodiment of what makes you feel powerful and sleek—is immediately undercut by having the boys gawk at her while she desperately tries to cover herself. And that's gross. The problem isn't the costume. It's her interaction with the costume.

I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it or really any problem with it, if we leaned into it (also if she weren't pretty much a teenage girl being dropped in the deep end of sexuality) like Juliet from Lollipop Chainsaw or Bayonetta. Those two are peak powerful-sexy and camp as all hell. And I wish that scene felt like it was more about her retaking her narrative. She's not a sexy victim—she's a pissed off girl who happens to be really attractive and sick of it.

And honestly, same. The decision to make her half-Colombian and half-Japanese is because well, I find the "desirable white hafu" boring af and because I'm honestly a lot more familiar with the fetishized attractive person. Ann looks like a curvy gyaru girl (and while I appreciate gyaru girls for what they are and do, it's still kinda weird for racial undertones and whatnot) but isn't one. She's a darker Latina-Japanese woman with curves, family and wants. That is directly at odds with how Kamoshida (patriarchy) would like to have her—a pretty, exotic and rare trophy. Her having cellulite and actually having to get up early and have a routine to look good doesn't fit that. Her at healthiest actually being fat/plus-sized. Her being a human person and actually allowing herself to be seen as human again is part of her arc in my retelling. Her having to live without being Shiho's protector and best friend, without Kamoshida, without as tight a grip on routine sounds like a fun take.

Because as much as I like Ryuji as the heart of the team, Rin and Ann are the leader and second in command here—they're the ones who butt heads the most. They're the perfectionists who have two painfully parallel ideas about justice in the beginning: it's not for me and fuck everyone (except for these very specific people who are mine). Which for Ann broadens into justice is about taking action revenge for those who can't until Futaba's Palace. They butt heads over the type of perfectionism—Ann's about optics and not giving room for anyone to say somethings wrong with their plans, the style of the Thieves while Rin's about tactics, a way in and out, knowing the patrols like the back of their hand, preparing for any mistake. They're both rigid and it's really difficult to call either of them soft in the way that someone who didn't know Haru that well could call her soft and their dynamic is one that needs to be built in a way that truly does require Kindness because both of them are traumatized and have no one they really trust to talk about it with. They're outcasts who watch the warmth of the village through the windows and staunchly refuse to burn it down because hope against hope, maybe one day, someone will let them in.

But back to the Ann and Panty comparison, Panty is a hedonistic apathetic young woman who breaks hearts and kicks ass. Ann could have been a pretty, vain, apathetic, hedonistic, heart breaking ass kicker with a whip who holds grudges and some pretty black and white thinking. Every time someone mentions Kamoshida, she's there to spit on his name. Every Palace owner is evil. Every Palace owner is irredeemable. Everyone who isn't a Phantom Thief is the problem.

Let her get excited about trendy desserts and shoes. Let her love the camera and how she looks in it. If we're going to have Catwoma-sorry, Kittywoman as a comparison make it worth it. Let there be rumors about her being a slut. Let those linger after Kamoshida. Let it be hushed. Let her classmates be envious of the untouchable, inhuman Ann Takamaki and the one mortal she allows to be graced with her presence.

And that scene where she has the breakdown after the phone call with Kamoshida early on?

Not yet. We'll go slow.

I'd have those chips in her armor show after she's voluntarily taken off her mask. Day after day, he visits her and Shiho. Day after day, he calls. Day after day, they either make progress or they don't and no one seems to give a shit about this. No one.

So. She snaps. And this is where her Arcana shines—the Lovers: communication, intimate relationships, trust and the development of personal belief systems—because the Thieves, Ryuji and Rin, catch her. Morgana is Morgana which I'll espouse upon later. They become a team in vulnerability, in trust. Because to me, at the end of the day, mutual vulnerability builds the first bridge. Small victories, small tears, larger payback.

She doesn't kill him because she needs him to confess. She needs to watch the guilt eat at him, watch him ruin his life like he tried to do to hers. (sometimes she wonders if he'd succeeded) (it's a thought that as time goes on, she's able to push more and more out of her head and out of Shiho's too) She doesn't know what that says about her. She doesn't know if she likes it.

But she doesn't hate it.

And I don't know man, isn't that what being in your 20s is sometimes—figuring out what parts of yourself you don't 100% hate and figuring out how to be a person.

TLDR: Ann Takamaki and Barbie gave me more feelings than I expected when I first looked at them when I was younger. I thought I hated them but really with Ann, I felt betrayed by the narrative and this is how I'd fix it. And just like with Barbie, it was all patriarchy and an unfair narrative.

#barbie #persona 5 panther #writeblr #creative writing #a deck of fools #personal ideas

0 notes

beannel · 2 years

Text

the inbetween

I’ve never been one to like the concept of gender. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a cis-gendered woman and very comfortable in the gender I was assigned at birth. I even enjoy most of the things that have been stereotypically assigned to women: fashion, rom-coms, makeup, nail art, glitter, dolls, flowers, etc. It doesn’t necessarily come down to a discomfort with the old “barbies are for girls, Tonka trucks are for boys” way of thinking, but that’s close. I don’t like being put in a box. Inside me (and likely every person) exists the Feminine and the Masculine. And while I do have interests that have been traditionally more associated with men, like comics and video games, the aspect I struggle most with is the Internal Masculine. It’s not something that is easily put into words. I could say that I am both gentle and strong, passive and assertive, but I believe there is feminine strength and masculine gentleness. There is an inner masculinity that exists within me, and it feels trapped and impossible to express since I exist as a 4”7 curvy woman who enjoys glittery eyeshadow and acrylic nails. This Internal Masculine exists and constantly feels ignored and denied, as it’s not necessarily something that can be externally expressed, it just is and being who I am it is impossible to be perceived by the average bystander.

Sometimes I long for our outside shells to be eradicated, and for us all to exist as floating balls of energy. We could only perceive each other’s essence and love each other truly for who we are, all preconceived notions of gender, expression, class, race, physical appearance wiped away. This is really why I hate the concept of dating apps so much. I’m definitely not saying I’m above physical attraction. I have a type. But I’m less likely to care about someone’s gender than the kind of energy they give off. I’ve never “come out” as a member of the LGBTQ community because frankly, I’m not comfortable labeling myself. I feel like the moment I breathe out a word to describe who I’m attracted to, I’ll feel the metaphorical bars go up around me and I’ll be boxed in. Words all come with their own connotations and histories, and I prefer to just exist. As soon as you tell someone you are in a certain category, you can see the cogs begin to churn in their heads as they unconsciously assign an entire host of other accompanying descriptors to you. I hate having who I am be boxed into parameters. I have been attracted to people who lie along several different points in the gender, gender expression, and sexuality binaries. Why can’t that just make me a person who likes people? I’m attracted to confidence, bookishness, a strong sense of humor, to kindness. I like dark hair, glasses, and tattoos. The concept of gender and sexuality often colors how dating and relationships are navigated. The woman does this, the man does that, guys like this, girls like that, the “submissive” person acts this way, and the “dominant” person acts that way. I feel like when I engage with people, cis straight men, in particular, the way I am spoken to and approached is colored by all of these sociological expectations. If the woman is confident, dominant, and assertive, it’s fetishized. Oh, she’s a ballbuster, she’s a dominatrix. Why can’t a woman be both the protector and the protected? Why can’t a woman both give and take power and control without preconceived gender roles mucking it all up? Whether someone is dominant or submissive, the nurturer or the nurtured, who approaches the other first, in all these things gender is inevitably part of the equation.

Sometimes I feel so held back and limited by my physical form, and this is as a cis-gendered person. I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for a transgendered person. How wonderful would it be to not be perceived at all? There are times when I feel like I exist in between. I feel not fully connected to the physical. I’ll sit in a cafe, staring out the window as I sip on a cappuccino, and I’ll start to imagine myself opaque. People around me carry on their conversations, and I become invisible like I’m merely a spirit, a floating ball of energy observing my surroundings unseen and detached. Sometimes I feel like I’m not really a part of the world like I don’t really exist. I’ve sat in front of the ocean and let my eyes sink into the depths of the water and felt my breath coincide with the waves and I think that the slightest gust of wind could scatter me like a dandelion, and I’ll just disappear. I’ll sink into this state of unbeing and feel a blanket of peace wrap around me. As I leave my physical body behind I leave behind all lingering hurts, anxieties, regrets, awkwardness, unfulfilled desires, and hopes. I care about nothing, nothing can hurt me, and the future doesn’t matter because I do not exist. Of course, inevitably I am pulled back when my phone dings or someone recognizes me and strikes up a friendly conversation. At first, being ripped from this nonexistence feels jarring and offensive, but once I make eye contact with someone and I share a smile, or a kind word, I’m anchored back into the physical, and it’s like my veins refill with blood and I’m warm and I’m flesh and I’m human and I didn’t realize how cold and lonely I was until I reconnected with myself and with the world that I am fortunately or unfortunately a part of. And even though I will continue to ebb and flow between the physical and the spiritual, the feminine and the masculine, connection and disconnection, I am a part of the world. I do exist alongside other people who also exist. And with that comes pain, loneliness, regret, fear, and the discomfort of being perceived and misunderstood, but with it also comes the possibility of connection, love, extending kindness and receiving it in return, of making the world a little better, of sometimes, on incredibly rare but wonderful instances, being seen as exactly who I am.

1 note · View note

stopbeingnecrophiles · 3 years

Text

⚠️warning post regarding the users weimu (now ppgd), flonnezillas, & stupidneet (check blog description for updated urls)

UPDATE AS OF 5/02/2021 (BEFORE POSTING): the user weimu now goes under the name “gabberzon“. this url was a past username flonnezillas owned, and is now in use under the user weimu. user flonnezillas has terminated (to our knowledge). stupidneet has also changed her url to darkishcircles. UPDATE AS OF 5/14/2021 (BEFORE POSTING): raquel has deleted her server. the people behind the post still find everything here relevant and necessary to bring to light.

the following post was made as a warning to showcase the behavior of some of the users on the site. if you're a minor we highly discourage you from interacting with any of the individuals mentioned; if you're 18+, do as you wish but with discretion (and the trigger warnings in mind). we find the things these users have said and done to be morally reprehensible, and to be genuinely concerning. this isn't some random petty callout post; we sincerely believe the behavior of those mentioned to be genuinely concerning and need to be brought to light.

that being said, we also do not condone the harassment or hate towards these users. the people behind this blog recognize that bringing forth this sort of thing may incite other users to do so, but we highly are against it. sending hate and harassment is not the way to go about this. simply stay away from those users if you have nothing better to add to the situation. thank you.

(all images have been censored for proper viewing. if you don't believe the claims being made, you're free to ask for the uncensored versions of the screenshots off anonymous so long as you're 18+. usernames/icons censored are of the minors or those irrelevant to the post in the server.)

⚠️ major tw: necrophilia, lolicon + pedophilia mentions, nsfw, irl gore (one image in particular contains a 17 year old girl)/drawn guro, & underaged characters in torture/sexual situations. ⚠️

users mentioned + their past/present urls (please check description of the blog for updated urls):

raquel/witch/cas (17 yrs at the time of posting) (neko865 > ureshichan > autismchan > weimu > gabberzon > omduvarmin > ppgd | past sideblogs were disgustchan, suicidegirlsjp, and now currently speedcorebeach [tw for guro/gore])

dasch/rena (18 yrs at the time of posting ) (catgirlmode > slashermedia > mawisa > stupidneet > femcelirl > darkishcircles > aspiechan > 719203727299272910822810 > 71920372729922980822810)

maid/val/vale/valentine (20 yrs at the time of posting ) (morimiyamiddleschoolshooting > raspberry-valentine > nekrofylia > phonestalker > gabberzon > pukemaid > morimiya > flonnezillas | sideblog named ichigomashimaros)

url proof here.

TW: THE SERVER ITSELF AND ITS CONTENTS

first thing we’d like to address here is raquel’s server and what goes on in it, as the server is not at all properly ran or moderated well. on her blog, she explicitly states this:

but still allows those under the age of 16 to join her server, and doesn’t even make it mandatory to make an intro or for the users in there to state if they’re a minor or not. however there are minors that are in the server, and it’s clear who they are. we wont be showing who they are, but there are a handful that have joined and are active within it.

raquel herself is also a minor (being 17) so it’s odd that she wouldn’t make sure that fellow minors wouldn’t be kept away from some of the things that are said and shown in the server. that being said, a few of the conversations that have gone on publicly in the server have been about:

dasch’s tights and how sweaty they were, with raquel and maid talking about wanting to do things to her tights

dasch offering her bra

talking about having phone sex together

openly condoning gore in the chats and saying it’s fine to be 100% okay with gore (which isn’t true, it’s fine to have a fascination with gore but to be 100% okay with it or even obsess over it is not okay).

(screenshots of the conversations can be found here & here.)

we recognize that a few of these conversations are obviously jokes/banter between the three, but it is still wildly inappropriate to publicly talk like this where minors can see. you have an nsfw chat, at least use it properly. (important to note: in raquel’s server, the nsfw & real life gore channels were opened to the public for awhile, accessible to anyone at any age, before there was a complaint to make them hidden with a role. even with a role implemented, the guro channel is still visible to those who have the ‘baby’ role [and as guro is, the content is very sexual].)

TW: NECROPHILIA IN THE SERVER

second thing that is worthy of being addressed is how (mainly) dasch and maid fetishize irl gore, dead bodies, and crime scene photos. as stated prior, we’ve censored out the images that were posted, but if you would prefer to see uncensored versions of the images (if you somehow don’t believe what is being censored), you’re welcomed to come off anon and ask for the uncensored versions (so long as you are 18+). like the rest of the screenshots, they can be found in a separate link here.

TW: CONTENTS OF THEIR BLOGS & SOCIAL MEDIA

third thing that is noteworthy of the people mentioned are the things they post publicly to their blogs. on raquel’s blogs, she has warnings in her pinned posts.

the warnings on her blog, while one being genuine and the other uncaring, do in fact warn users that content on her blogs are nsfw and explicitly state what she posts. however, this doesn’t mean she is exempt from criticism of what she posts. anytime raquel is called out for posting something questionable, she simply blames it all on “terfs”, that she’s allowed to post the things she posts because she is also a minor, or that you’re in the wrong for insinuating that a csa victim would even have lolicon art. raquel is not free from criticism from this, as she has posted art with actual children in it. the people behind this post mean no disrespect to raquel and the things she has been through and we respect that entirely. that being said, this does not mean you are free from criticism of the things you post willingly to your blogs. especially when some of the things you’ve posted in the past include children. when asked why she doesn’t credit artists on her guro blog, this is what she responded with:

someone in her notes also pointed this out, but to our knowledge she never acknowledged what they replied to the post with (censored out as they are not relevant to the post).

regardless if you credit the artist or not, people can reverse image search to find the creator themselves. it’s also worth mentioning that you are blatantly admitting to posting from a pedophilic artist. you are still supporting this pedophile’s art by doing so. you are admitting the guro content you post is from pedophilic sources, and regardless if you source them or not, you are inherently posting pedophilic content.

we’ve provided examples of posts on her main blog here, and examples of posts on her sideblog here. major tw (for lolicon art & underaged characters), although we’ve censored the images, the content is still pretty intense.

the next person we would like to shed light to and the things they post are maid. since the post started, maid has terminated her account. however some screenshot examples (with links) still exist, so those are what we will be using to explain the sorts of things she posts/has posted.

before we go on, we would like to make it clear that we have no definitive proof that maid is a pedophile, but the content she is into is very questionable due to the nature of what they are. a few of things that she is into can be considered lolibait, which includes a lot of underaged girls.

examples of the media (click the links for examples of her posting about it):

ichigo mashimaro (strawberry marshmallow): an anime/manga about 10-12 year old girls, that while not problematic itself, the creator of the anime makes lolicon-esque content of the girls (outside of the anime/manga). the media is also heavily known for being liked by lolicons.

ro-kyu-bu!: an anime surrounding a basketball team comprised of mostly young girls, the content of the anime itself is rather deplorable as it sexualizes the young girls very frequently (which is basically the only plot it has). very much known for being lolibait and liked by lolicons.

on her main blog, she had reblogged this post:

(post contains two young teenagers from yuru yuri.)

just on the surface, this image isn’t necessarily sexual and we do not claim that maid reblogged this with sexual intentions, however with her consumption of media known for lolibait, it makes it questionable.

she also has a body pillow of satou matsuzaka, a 15 year old girl from the anime “my happy sugar life”. we wont be getting into the content of the anime here, but it should be odd enough that this 20 year old woman has a pillow of a 15 year old girl.

the last thing we’d like to address with maid is the posts on her instagram (can be found here. major tw for guro & emetophilia [all of which is censored]). a main point here that we haven’t brought up is that she blatantly fetishizes asian women and often posts about them. you can go here to look at a few of the things she’s posted and the fetish nature of the content she puts out there involving them.

CONCLUSION

the point of this post was to highlight a few users in the animecore community who are clearly unable to host servers or interact around minors properly. we still do not condone the harassment of these users, and we would highly recommend to simply block them in response to this post rather than seek them out and harass them. there’s no point in doing so, however we realize we cannot stop every single person who reads this post from doing something. all we can do is state that we are against doing so and have no want or need to engage with that sort of behavior.

to the users this post highlighted, if you’ve read everything through, good on you. instead of taking this as a call out post for drama (which genuinely was not the intent of this post), maybe the few of you can recognize the faults you have here and work on them and change for the better. this isn’t some post made because those behind it had personal beef or something with the users it mentions. this post was made because some of you cannot behave and act appropriately when interacting with minors and the general public. clearly not, as a server was allowed to exist with tons of minors alongside fucking weirdos. maybe give a shit about the minors you allow to interact with you. thanks

#animecore #webcore #weimu #flonnezillas #stupidneet #the core tags are to spread the warning post considering these users are within these communities

271 notes · View notes

rebeccccccaaa · 3 years

Text

ᴘʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴇ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴘᴇʀғᴇᴄᴛ

_______________________________

ᴘᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴘᴀʀᴋᴇʀ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (𝟷𝟾+)

ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛᴇᴅ: (ANON) Soft romantic Valentine’s Day sex with Peter, bonus points if it’s their first time.. or maybe their first Valentine’s Day being married 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (since it’s way past v-day, i did like a tony’s gala/charity party thing hope that’s ok)

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: smut 18+, super fluffy and silly smut, virginsssss

Tw: harassment/sexual assault

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: hey bug I’m still trying to get used to the whole writer thing it’s still a pretty new concept but thank you for being so patient with me! I tried to make this a realistic when it comes to first time sex as possible, it pretty awkward and goofy, a little sudden, but i think it’s pretty cute

________________________________

Peter couldn’t take his eyes off of you. You moved so gracefully between the bodies of rich chatty folk. Now that you both were adults it was mandatory according to Tony that you guys had to attend these things. Peter wished he could go back to when you two would watch Star Wars and play video games up in your room during these boring parties.

“Dude, you gotta just grow a pair and ask her on a date,” Sam interrupted.

“Come on man. It’s not that easy,” he argued.

“Yeah it is; you just go up to her and say, ‘Hey I think you’re hot, I’m in love with you, Let’s fuck’,” Sam joked.

“Hey, no. They’re virgins. They don’t ‘fuck’,” Nat said amusingly.

“What! No- I- uh,” Peter stammered over his words heavily as Nat, Sam, Bucky and Steve laughed around him; not at him of course, well maybe Sam.

“Hey man it’s ok,” Steve reassured.

“Yeah, Steve is still a virgin,” Bucky joked, making Steve push him unamused.

“Seriously though, it’s ok having not done anything. Virginity and purity culture is gross and weird and way too fetishized nowadays. You do it when you feel comfortable and with someone you completely trust; and remember just like everything else, practice makes perfect,” Nat winked at Peter, making him blush.

Peter thought about it and honestly he trusted you the most with his life. It wasn’t a secret that Peter really liked you; well apparently it was a secret to you. He was so in love with you but he was positive you didn’t feel the same way. You were so beautiful there was no way in your right mind that you’d even look in his direction.

You were talking with some douche at the bar. Peter hated how close he was standing to you. He didn’t think he deserved someone as special as you but he certainly knew that someone like that guy didn’t deserve even your attention let alone a conversation. Although looking at it, it seems like you’re just listening and he’s yapping away.

“You’re like one of the hottest bitches I’ve ever met,” the guy slurred.

You’ve been stuck with this guy for the past twenty minutes. Every time you think you could slip away he tugged your arm and pulled you back in. this guy was drunk off his ass and every slurred word went through one ear and out the other.

“I need to use the restroom, excuse me,” you tried to leave.

“That’s not gonna work on me princess, come here,” he grabbed your waist and you moved your hands between your bodies.

“Hey, what the hell?” Peter said, noticing the commotion between you and that guy.

The guys looked over and saw that you were clearly uncomfortable and none of them were having it. Peter especially was fuming. This guy's hands were all over you and he knows you didn’t let him. His face buried uncomfortably in your neck and your face held a fearful look. Peter stomped through the crowd to help you.

“Hey man, get your hands off of her,” Peter said sternly.

“Oh, ho, ho. Cute,” the guy mocked.

“Lay off kid. Help a brother out,” he slurred.

“Peter,” you whispered desperately.

“She doesn’t seem interested, so back off,” Peter pushed him.

“I’m not gonna tell you again, kid. Leave us alone, sometimes women might not say what they want but they always want it,” he growled disgustingly. Peter looked at you and saw nothing but terror and fright; there was no way in hell he was leaving you.

“Hey, man. We’re gonna give you ten seconds to get the fuck out here,” Nat said intimidatingly; but with a man’s misogynistic ego that big he surprisingly didn’t back down.

“Now,” Steve’s voice boomed loudly towering over him.

“What are you gonna about it?” he mocked.

Bucky wasn’t having it either and grabbed his collared-shirt with his metal and dragged him towards the exit.

“If I ever see your ugly ass face again, I’ll kill you,” Bucky’s voice shook the man and he scurried away.

You looked at Peter and hugged him tightly softly crying into his shoulder. He held you tightly and whispered softly in your ear soothing you. You couldn’t get rid of him and you didn’t want to think about what could’ve happened if Peter and the rest of the guys didn’t help you.

“Sorry, for the ruckus,” you whispered, noticing the people watching confusedly at you guys.

“Don’t be, guy was a total piece of shit. Are you ok?”

“Can we just leave?” you asked him.

“Of course,” Peter held your hand tightly and led towards the elevator.

“Hey kids, you guys ok? Steve told me what happened,” Tony asked you two.

“We’re gonna go upstairs now,” Peter told him quietly.

“Of course,” Tony said remorsefully.

“Kid?” Tony whispered to Peter, “Use protection.”

“Seriously, Mr. Stark?”

“Hey, I’m kidding. I’m kidding; take care of her will ya?”

“Your room or mine?” Peter asked you.

“Yours.”

“Can we watch a movie or something?”

“Yeah.”

Peter gave you his clothes for you to change comfortably in and you went to the bathroom to change. In the meantime Peter too changed into a tight black shirt and sweats. Suddenly he heard the door open slightly and you peeked your head out worriedly.

“Uh Pete,” you called him.

“Is everything alright?”

“The uh, the pants you gave me? They don’t fit,” you whispered shyly.

“Oh no, uh ok hold on,” Peter scurried to find another pair.

You opened the door wider tugging his shirt in holes it might cover your modesty; this was the most undressed you’ve ever been in front of a boy. Peter looked back at you frantically but definitely did a double take seeing your bare legs so exposed.

“Sorry, I can’t seem to find anything,” he stuttered a bit.

“It’s ok, the shirt’s pretty long,” you tiptoed to the bed covering yourself with the blanket.

“Sorry about you know,” he sat with you.

“It’s ok. I just kinda wish I was more like Nat. You know then maybe I wouldn’t have been in that situation, I’d be able to kick his butt,” you chuckled. But Peter didn’t.

“Hey, you weren’t in that situation because you weren’t physically strong, it was because that guy was the scum of the earth.”

“Thanks, Pete,” you placed your hand on top of his; Peter’s stomach flipped when you did.

“Peter?” you asked him.

“What?”

“You’re staring,” you smiled.

“Sorry,” he looked away shyly.

You and Peter sat on the bed as a movie played. It was one of your favorites and you couldn’t help marvel at the best scenes; your laugh was infectious. Peter couldn’t help but ogle at you. He thought you were so beautiful and funny. He wonders why you’ve never had a boyfriend. Any guy would be so lucky to be yours; expect that fucker who put his hands on you

“Y/n?” he asked sheepishly.

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend? If you don’t want to answer it’s ok, I realize that probably sounds invasive, and-”

“It’s ok. I uh- I don’t know. I guess guys don’t like me like that? What about you, you haven’t dated since MJ.”

“I- uh, ok uh- Ok you got me there,” he laughed.

“It’s just I asked because you’re uh, well, it’s no secret you’re very pretty, Y/n. Any guy would be so lucky to be your boyfriend,” Peter blushed.

“Thanks, Peter. I don’t know, guys are just too,” you couldn’t necessarily find the words.

“Obnoxious, irritating, rude, aggressive,” he finished making you laugh.

“No, well, yes, but I guess the word would be… overbearing. Guys are so pretentious, you know. And not to mention they want everything but the kitchen sink in a girl. And I don’t have that. Guys don’t look at me and think, ‘Wow, she's the most beautiful girl ever. I want to date her’,” you explained with a faint chuckle.

“I think that,” Peter blurted out.

“Well, then I wish more guys were like you, Peter,” you said smoothly.

You and Peter both hadn’t realized the space between you two closing in. Your faces were mere inches apart and you both felt hot and flushed, yet neither one of your wanted to pull away. The sound of the movie playing in the background was drowned out for a second but now it was almost as if it was the loudest thing bursting your eardrums.

You quickly snapped your head back to the TV breathing out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You could see the disappointment on Peter’s face when you did out of the corner of your eye but you didn’t think it was appropriate right now. Besides, the last thing you wanted to do was kiss a boy after what happened downstairs.

You crawled back and tucked the rest of your body under the sheets and Peter did too. You felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest; terrified that with his heightened senses he could hear your heartbeat.

He could; and that made his beat faster too.

You two watched the movie in silence after getting yourselves comfortable. Peter’s lights were off and a small lamp along with the bright TV was the only thing illuminating the room. It felt small but you managed.

You felt like you couldn’t focus on the movie with Peter laying so close to you. You could practically feel his body heat radiating off of him and you wished so badly that you had the courage to tell him how much you liked him.

You didn’t think he liked you back but after what he said about wanting to date you, you weren’t so doubtful that he felt that way too now. You finally started focusing on the movie again trying your best to not think about Peter but that didn’t help at all considering the two characters … kissing, if that’s what you want to call it.

Your eyes slightly widen seeing the man’s hand crawl up the woman’s shirt. Her gasps and moans seemed louder than you remembered. You could see Peter shifted beside you as the things on the screen became more and more heated.

“I forgot about this scene,” you cringed at yourself.

“It’s ok, you uh, do you want to watch a different movie?”

“Sure,” you squeaked.

Peter put a new movie on but neither of you could get the images out of your heads. Without the other knowing, you both wondered what it would be like, feel like if Peter’s hands roamed your body that way. Bringing goosebumps to your skin. The way your soft gasps and moans would sound against the shell of Peter’s ear.

You couldn’t help the wetness pooling between your thighs wondering what Peter would do first. You wondered if he’d ever been with another girl and if he did, well that didn’t sit right with you. You swallowed and unbeknownst to you Peter could sense everything.

He knew how much your breathing quickened after. He could feel the rapid beating of your heartbeat after watching only seconds of that scene. He could smell the sweet arousal coming out of you as you softly clenched your thighs in a desperate attempt to stop the feeling.

He shifted beside you embarrassed that he was thinking about these things with you. You would hate him if you found out. But you would really?

“Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something? Promise you won’t get mad?” Oh no. You were really doing this?

“I could never get mad at you,” he said sincerely.

“Have you ever, you know, done it?” you asked shyly.

“Oh, uh no actually. MJ and I never really talked about that and we broke up before really anything happened.”

“Oh, cool.”

There was awkward silence between you two not really knowing what was to come next. You wanted him, bad. You just got this urge suddenly to feel him, know what he sounded like. You felt a bit embarrassed and thought there was no way he was gonna want to do anything like that with you.

“Do you wanna…?” Or maybe so.

“Only if you want to.”

“Is that bad that I kinda do? Look,” Peter faced you more comfortably and closer, “I really like you. Like a lot. I know I probably shouldn’t and it’s like super inappropriate right now but I can’t help it. You’re like the most beautiful and most perfect girl I’ve ever met. And I really want to show you but I’d never do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”

“Peter, I really like you too. There’s no one I trust more than you, seriously,” you sat on your knees facing him too. You smiled at each other warmly and you started to feel warmer than before.

“Can I kiss you?” Peter whispered.

“Please.”

Peter inches closer to you and gently cupped your jaw pulling you in to kiss you. Your eyes fluttered close and butterflies erupted in your stomach. You moved your knee to move closer to him unfortunately directly on top of the remote.

The volume turned up and startled you both, the laughter and music from the cartoon on the TV echoing in the room. You pulled back sharply, accidentally biting Peter’s lip but he didn’t seem to care all that much as he grabbed the remote and turned the TV off.

“I’m so sorry! I think I bit your lip,” you panicked and cringed.

“It’s ok, it’s ok,” he laughed; his laugh was so charming and contagious you could help but giggle too.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated.

“Don’t be, it was an accident,” he chuckled.

“Now where were we,” he smirked and leaned in to kiss you again.

Your hands went through his hair and you sighed contently as his lips moved perfectly against. You kissed people before but they’ve never felt this amazing. Peter’s tongue pushed past your lips and you gladly let him in. You melted against him and he placed his hand on your back and pushed back slowly to lay your back against the bed.

That didn’t work out because you weren’t really in a good position to lay down without moving so you tumbled to the floor making Peter gasp.

“Are you ok?” he laughed.

You head shot up from the ground with a big dopey smile on your face. You crawled back up to bed laughing.

“I’m ok, just took me by surprise,” you giggled.

“Sorry, the mood’s totally ruined now I guess,” he smiled sadly.

“Well, I still wouldn’t mind if we tried one more time,” you said timidly.

“Yeah?” you nodded.

“Ok, uh can I uh, is this ok?” Peter had you straddling his lap and your stomach fluttered with anticipation and arousal.

“More than.”

Peter leaned up and kissed you again, his fingertips sneaking up your shirt and grazing the soft skin of your belly. Your body shudders but you wanted more. You wanted him to make you squirm and wiggle.

Peter tugged on the hem of the shirt silently asking if he could remove it. You hesitated but eventually lifted your arms up to let him undress you. Your skin was bare in front of him and this was the first you’d ever been shirtless in front of anyone.

Your arms instinctively covered your chest in modesty but Peter grabbed your hands and smiled softly letting you know that there was nothing to hide. You swallowed hard. Nervous about the current situation. You weren’t scared, you were far from it, but it seemed no matter how many times you imagined this, how many times you went over in your head what you would do, you still felt unprepared and clueless about what to do.

“Do you want to stop?” Peter whispered.

“No, I just don’t know what to do,” you giggled.

“I uh, I can kiss you again,” he suggested, making you nod your head.

Peter captured your lips in a kiss once again, he felt like he could stay like this in your arms and you in his forever. He lifted his own shirt and you were taken by surprise considering you’ve never actually since completely shirtless. There were times when his shirt would rise with his hoodie being taken off but never fully off and it’s all of its muscle glory.

“Peter,” you breathed out.

“Yeah?” he smirked.

You rubbed your gentle hands faintly across his torso and chest marveling at his physique.

“I didn’t realize how uh, fit, you are,” you gasped.

“It kinda came with the bite, and training of course,” he grinned.

“I mean look at you; you are even more beautiful than I imagined,” he said.

He leaned forward and kissed along your chest, his hands roaming over your skin. Your breathing became heavy and your hands rested awkwardly on Peter’s shoulders.

“Relax, princess. I got you. I promise I’m gonna take really good care of you,” he laid you down again, sideways his time so you wouldn’t fall off the bed again.

He kissed you again before trailing his lips down your throat. You bit your lip smiling basking in the feeling of Peter’s lips against your burning skin.

“Peter, please. I need more,” you whined.

“Like…?” he trailed.

“I’m ready. For you,” you whispered against his lips.

Peter groaned and crawled over you eagerly and opened the drawer grabbing a condom. His torso was directly over your head and you took that opportunity to treat him the same way pressing kisses to his torso.

“Baby,” he snickered.

“What, you don’t like my kisses?” you smiled.

“I love your kisses,” he smirked.

You watched him stand up and slowly pulled his sweats and boxers down. He kept his eyes trained on you making sure he wasn’t gonna scare you or anything. He saw your face fill with fear, confusion, shock; it didn’t matter so he pulled his pants quickly back up.

“Wait,” you shouted.

“What happened?” you were confused. You thought things were going well, you were excited and aroused when Peter pulled his pants down. The sight of his impressive member surprising you and making you wetter.

“I thought you were uncomfortable,” Peter panicked.

“No! Please Peter! I want to have sex with you so bad!” you shouted dramatically making him laugh.

“Please take your pants off again,” you crawled up to him and grabbed his neck pulling him close.

“As you wish, baby,” he kissed you and quickly wiggled out of his pants. You took the condom in your hand and carefully tore the foil. You pulled the ring of latex out unsure of what to do next. Peter gently tilted your head up and kissed you softly before taking the condom from your hands.

“I got this, you just get ready and sit pretty for me,” his words made you shudder. You quickly sat back and practically tore off your panties, tossing them across the room. You could see the light in Peter’s eyes started to fade and you could tell he was getting nervous.

“Hey, having second thoughts?” you asked softly.

“No, it’s just, I don't really know what I’m doing either,” he stammered.

“Well, I don’t really have anyone to compare, so,” you reassured him.

“I just don’t wanna ruin anything. What if I'm not good?” he said.

“Well, practice makes perfect. So let’s start practicing!” you cheered.

Peter bit his lip and pumped his aching cock a few times. You settled back and opened your legs a bit and Peter settled himself in. His hands trembled as he grabbed his dick and lined it up to your entrance and your breathing quickened.

He slid past your folds quite rapidly and you grunted. Peter noticed the discomfort and his hips pulled back too far causing his member to slip out. You giggled but Peter grunted.

“It’s ok, it’s ok,” you pulled him close and kissed his nose.

“Don’t freak out, baby,” you nuzzled your nose against his.

Peter kissed you softly, “You’re too good to me.”

Peter tried again and slowly passed your slicks folds. You moaned softly feeling his girth and Peter’s eyes screwed shut. He dipped his head in the crook of your neck and nibbled on the skin of your ear. You wrapped your legs around his hips pulling closer and Peter grunted.

“Fuck, Y/n. You feel so good,” he moaned.

“Peter,” you moaned.

Peter hips snapped into you rapidly and your moans got louder. His hand reached for yours and intertwined his fingers with yours. He kissed you again before his body trembled over yours. His hips suddenly stopped and he fell forward.

“Pete?” you whispered.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to. You felt so good I couldn’t hold back,” Peter whined.

“It’s ok,” you giggled.

“No it’s not,” he grumbled.

“It’s fine Pete, it was our first time. Don’t sweat it,” you smiled.

“No, sit back, princess. I promised I was gonna take care of you and I fully. Intend. On keeping that promise,” he kissed you in between words.

You fell back and Peter trailed kisses down your front. His hands rubbed your thighs softly pressing faint kisses to the inside of them. Peter looked admirably between your thighs. He licked his lips and looked up at you almost innocently making your stomach flip at the sight.

“Fuck,” Peter whispered before licking up your slit.

“Peter,” you gasped.

He flicked his tongue over your clit and your hips jolted forward. You wiggled and moved under him gasping and whimpering his name. Peter used his strength and pressed your hips down hard as he continued to eat you out.

Your hands flew to his hair tugging and pulling his fluffy curly hair. Your chest moved up and down hastily and sweat lined your forehead. You sat on your elbows and looked down to Peter who’s eyes were closed and his face immensely flushed, cheeks redden.

His eyes opened and stared directly into your eyes. He came up for a second and smiled cheekily before dipping his tongue passed your entrance once again. The pressure in the pit of your stomach built up and up and up, until finally it snapped and your body arched in pleasure.

You moaned and shrieked Peter’s name feeling ecstatic, overwhelmed with absolute pleasure.

“Feeling good?” Peter got up wiping your cum off his chin.

“Oh my goodness, Pete. You gotta do that again!” he laughed before kissing you.

“How was that?”

“Better than I imagined,” you cupped his face.

“I lo-” Peter stopped himself.

“I love you,” you whispered, finishing his sentence.

“Good, because I love you too, so much,” he kissed you. Peter tucked you in his bed and crawled beside you holding you close.

“Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” you kissed his jaw.

“For what?”

“For the best night ever,” you ggiled.

“Anytime. Like you said, practice makes perfect.”

“Oh, yeah. I cannot wait until we practice again.”

===============

ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (For all my work)

@mathletemadison

@buckybarnes101

#aged!up peter parker #peter parker #peter parker smut #peter parker oneshot #first time #tom holland smut #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n

462 notes · View notes

bisluthq · 3 years

Note

Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude.

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN.

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge.

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay.

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.

#agony aunat #share your label journey #roommate anon <3

32 notes · View notes

banhchao · 2 years

Note

Til BTS controls all their fans actions. Megan thee stallions fans have sent me multiple detailed death threats and attempted to doxx me, and only failed bc I gave them Brock Turners address and they were stupid enough to think I'd actually announced my address to a bunch of homicidal strangers on the internet. But I digress. Anyway, I can't hate Megan just bc of her fans, as it's wrong of me to assume she personally sent her fans to harass me into a panic attack. BTS fought her label for butter

That’s terrible that you went through that - ppl on the internet can be awful and cruel.

That being said, if you read the whole entire reply, you would see that it’s not just the fan base I dislike; it’s a combination of BTS’ own racism (antiblackness, antisemitism) that they have refused to apologize properly for, their shallow, performative activism that they are given and take more credit for than they actually do, along with the hostile environment of their notoriously toxic and rabid fan base (which fans of Megan thee Stallion are nowhere near the level of. If you looked up “toxic fandom” in a dictionary, ARMYs appear right beside it. Also Megan hasn’t done anything wrong? Unlike BTS). how they not only cyberbully others and are notoriously antiblack, even to Black ARMYs but perform mental gymnastics to defend BTS even when they are wrong. Also their music hasn’t been great lately... not like it used to be. They are completely irrelevant to my life and no amount of convincing can make them relevant.

I don’t hate the boys as human beings (Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, J-hope and Jungkook are cool and I like them, the other two I don’t care for lol) but as BTS and all the baggage it comes with... it’s just not for me.

(That being said, I do feel sorry for BTS for having that fandom. ARMYs are also notorious for oversexualizing & infantilizing the members & fetishizing asian men. I definitely would not want to go on the internet and possibly run into something like that for myself and I don’t wish it upon anybody else. I always question what terrible things the members possibly did in their past life to have fans like this.)

although no celebrity can control their fans no matter what they say and it’s not necessarily their fault their fan base is a certain way, a quick “Don’t attack others on my behalf! I highly condemn it and don’t consider you a fan of mine if you do” can actually go a long way. Especially when you are known for having a large fan base that is infamous for attacking whomever breathes the tiniest criticism about their boy band. And when it’s important stuff they are calling out like antiblackness from the group, BTS is never held accountable cause their rabid fan base make sure to harass the person into silence.

And I’m sure BTS themselves don’t want ppl hurting others on their behalf and being the cause of many’s suffering either and it SUCKS that their name has to be associated with all of whack stuff their fan base do.

BTS are not their fans and I don’t hate them. But it’s also difficult to see past the explicit toxicity of their large fandom that they are associated with which is unlike other fandoms (except for the Barbz lol I would say they are the only fandom on the same level). If anything I both feel terribly sorry for them and think they deserve better from their fans and resent them lol (and think they need to do better with their activism and apologize for their racism).

I’m also not a fan of ARMYs’ fragility and inability to take criticism or when it comes to BTS or accept that others don’t care for them - much like you are proving to me right now.

#these asks are made to make me like BTS but ironically make me resent them #more LMFAOOOO #yt girl nonsense

2 notes · View notes

cherry-valentine · 3 years

Text

So I recently read Killing Stalking over the course of two days. The first day was spent fleeing my home from flood waters and so I read the first half of the manwha on my phone in the parking lot of a grocery store. I was so absorbed in the story that I didn’t have time to worry about whether or not my house was washing away (it didn’t, and there was no damage, thanks for asking). I know I was pretty late to the party on this one, and it wasn’t because I wanted to avoid the series. To be honest it sounded like something I would love from the moment I heard about it, but at the time, I was busy and ended up forgetting it. I saw some pictures from it on Tumblr a few days back, was reminded, and decided to give it a shot. I have some feelings and random opinions on it that I felt like sharing. Most of these will include spoilers for the entire story, so be warned. Also: TW: ABUSE

But first, my non-spoilery plea to others who haven’t read it (and I guess the first thing I wanted to talk about): If you’re avoiding the series because you’ve heard that it glorifies or romanticizes abusive relationships, you can put that concern to rest. I honestly don’t know how anyone can walk away from the series with that take. The relationship portrayed in the series is nightmarish, and even the parts that aren’t so nightmarish are tense and very much realistic in the way abusive relationships actually work. Abusers aren’t abusive 100% of the time, and that’s what makes them so insidious. If they were terrible all the time, it would be much easier to hate them, leave them, and forget them. Instead, they are often kind, generous, and loving between incidents of abuse. This is to keep their victims emotionally attached to them. For many of these abusers, they may even feel actual love for their victims (a twisted, selfish love for sure, but I’ve always been of the belief that love can be a bad thing in certain situations). So even though there are moments in the series where the relationship seems to be going “well”, there’s always a sense of dread hanging over it, the feeling that at any moment, things are going to explode.

From here on out, there are !!MAJOR SPOILERS!! for the entire series.

A lot of people have identified the most sad or tragic or painful moments for them while reading, and those moments vary quite a bit between people. For me, the moment that gouged out my heart, the moment that was such a punch to the gut that I almost felt physical pain, was just a tiny thing. Toward the end, the first time Bum tries to go to the hospital Sangwoo is at, and the cab driver treats him like shit, Bum thinks “Why does everyone treat me like this?” And then we see flashbacks of moments when Sangwoo was kind to him. And... that right there. That got me. The fact that his abuser, the person who had treated him so cruelly, was also the only person who had treated him with actual kindness, broke my heart. The fact that he’d lived his whole life and experienced nothing but cruelty or indifference or betrayal. The only person who ever made him feel special, feel loved, was also the person who had tormented him. And it hurt so much to read, because I know that’s how many real life abuse victims feel. It was, in my opinion, the most tragic aspect of the series.

My last opinion might be a little controversial. Something I noticed when checking out the fandom for the series was how anyone who even hinted that they’d like for Sangwoo and Bum to be happy together was met with absolute hate and fury (slinging around lots of terrible insults like “failed abortion” and things I won’t repeat here - like yeah great idea explaining how abusive relationships are bad by being verbally abusive). Now, as a logical adult, I know it would be totally impossible for them to have a happy relationship (and indeed they didn’t). I didn’t even want them to be together. I just wanted them both to get a lot of therapy. The “headcanon” I came up with to make myself feel less depressed after the ending was that they both died and were then reborn into loving, nurturing environments where they grew up to be happy, well-adjusted people who would meet in college and have a healthy relationship. But I do understand the people who saw the less horrible moments and thought, “I wish they could just be happy together”. Because it did feel like these two thoroughly broken people had found a tiny, miniscule amount of happiness and love, even if it was clear it definitely would not last and definitely was not healthy. I get feeling that way.

And actually, the series plays a fairly clever trick on the reader. Just like real life abuse victims have trouble hating and leaving their abusers when those abusers are kind or show a more human side to them, Sangwoo became much harder to hate and dismiss once his traumatic childhood was revealed and he showed some kindness to Bum. It’s like the series was showing us exactly how abuse victims remain attached to their abusers, by making us stay attached to Sangwoo as a character. For the first half of the series I despised him, but the series tricked me into sympathizing with him and even feeling sorry for him and wishing he could be happy. And that. right. there. That’s how abusers get you. I thought it was a very smart way to portray this concept.

I also get that some BL fans DID romanticize and even fetishize the relationship. But, and hear me out please, I don’t think that’s a reason to totally dunk on those fans. Most of the fans who felt that way are probably fairly young, probably naive, probably exploring some dark fantasies for (perhaps) the first time in their lives. I think most people have something that introduced them to darker fantasies (rape fantasies, violent kinks, etc.). When you’re young, these are pretty thrilling to think about, and as long as you limit this exploration to works of fiction, it’s a safe way to dig into these fantasies. For most people, they grow out of them. The thrill wears off as they get older or they become mature enough to realize how horrible and scary those situations would be in real life. Some people keep those kinds of kinks all their lives, and as long as they limit it to fantasy and fiction, or consensual situations, that’s fine. But we need to understand that Killing Stalking, just by nature of having a very attractive character like Sangwoo, is going to be that piece of media that introduces a lot of younger people to those darker fantasies. And it’s not necessarily a terrible thing to let them safely explore those fantasies with this story. Because the story doesn’t encourage it. It doesn’t paint a rosey picture of this kind of relationship. It’s horrifying and ends in tragedy and trauma for everyone involved.

My “thing” that introduced me to darker fantasies was a movie called Boxing Helena, which I watched when I was most definitely too young. For those who haven’t seen it, it actually shares some themes with Killing Stalking (involving a sexy but psychotic man who had lots of issues relating to his mother and keeps a woman captive in his home, partly because she reminds him of his mother, and does horrible things to her - there’s even a scene where he brings another woman home and has sex with her while the captive woman is forced to watch through a cracked door. Sounds familiar, right?). It felt dark and dangerous and taboo, because it was also horrific. But it was exciting. Of course, I grew out of things like that, but it would have been absolutely no help to have a ton of people screaming at me that I was a sick pervert for finding the psycho guy hot (I mean it was Julian Sands in the 90’s, can you really blame me?).

If you come across younger fans who think Killing Stalking was sexy and say dumb things like, “I’d like to be in Sangwoo’s basement!” (actual comment I saw), don’t immediately harp on them and make them feel bad. They’re just exploring their own fantasies. It would be much more helpful to calmly and patiently talk to them and point out that it’s okay to like this stuff in fiction, but to be very careful about how they explore these feelings in reality. I’d be willing to bet that the vast majority of these people are just virginal teenagers who would never in a million years get involved in a dangerous relationship. So let’s cut them a little slack.

Note: When I refer to younger fans, I’m thinking 18-20 or so, and of course the younger teens who are going to read this whether we want them to or not. I am in no way suggesting that we should encourage younger people to read it. Just that, if you come across a younger person who has already read it, yelling insults at them over their naive opinions on it isn’t going to be helpful to anyone.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about it for now. I just felt very strongly about it and felt like sharing.

#Killing Stalking #text #tw: abuse

20 notes · View notes

somestansomewhere · 3 years

Text

Debbie Gallagher: ALL Love Interests RANKED

Okay! I tried to rank all of Debs’ love interests and it was hard to do because I am not set on that ONE PERSON that I ship her with above all else, but these are my thoughts! Keep in mind that these are all MY OPINIONS and you are entitled to yours as well! Let’s talk about it! If you read all this ILY.

Here we go:

...................................

23. The Guy At The Pool (Season 5)

He thought Debs was special needs and she tried to flirt with him...

22. Kelly (Season 9-10)

I LOVE Kelly so much but she was not into Debbie! I really love her with Carl and Debbie should not have tried to interfere! I will however say that I really really REALLY enjoy their friendship and I wish that that would have continued on. They had some really good moments together.

20/21. Eugene (Season 6) & Board Game Guy (Season 7)

Alright so these two don’t technically count because Frank tried to set Debbie up with Eugene so that she’d be written into his will. And the Board Game Guy was from a deleted scene as one of Debbie’s “life partners” from that flyer she made. So enough said.

18/19. Tyler (Season 6) & Erika (Season 6)

Again, Frank attempted to set Debbie up with Tyler and while that “potential relationship” wasn’t as bad as what happened between her and Erika, I am grouping them together because Debbie wasn’t technically into either of them and it was set up to fail right from the start.

17. Larry (Season 6)

The pregnancy fetish guy! I’m not quite sure what the intentions were for this character in the long run but it was a funny joke in the episode he was in. Even in the beginning Larry gave off red flags, but Debbie was happy... until the truth was revealed. Weird.

16. Jared (Season 11)

Another irrelevant love interest: the gay guy that cheated on his husband with Debbie after giving her cocaine. Obvious issues with this encounter/plot line aside, I did feel that their interactions at the bar were flirtatious and I didn’t hate him.

15. Calista (Season 11)

ANOTHER irrelevant character that was used and never brought back!!! I didn’t totally hate her either, she was upfront about her ex-girlfriend and that whole situation. She helped Debbie and didn’t take advantage of her but the second she came on screen; I’m sorry but I did not give a fuck. Her last episode built up a potential friend/relationship opportunity for Debbie and they just did nothing with it. Idfk what else to say, not a fan but I did appreciate Calista trying to take care of Debbie when she clearly was drinking too much.

14. Sandy (Season 10-11)

Oh boy, everyone’s favorite partner of Debbie’s... Yeah, Sandy is so low on this list not necessarily because I didn’t like her for Debbie, or that I have beef with Elise (b/c I love her as an actor sm). I personally just hate the sheer fact that this character EXISTS in the first place. I never understood the hype, but I know that people only like her because she’s a Milkovich ie. related to Mickey. That’s the hard truth this fandom isn’t willing to admit. My disliking Sandy should be a post of its own but lemme get into her relationship with Debbie.

You could tell that Emma and Elise liked working together so the chemistry was sorta there (definitely not soulmate shit tho). Each time that they interacted in s10 I was over it. S11 was better in the sense that whether I would like to admit it or not, they did have some “cute moments” (mainly just Sandy calling Debbie babe/babes). The second shit hit the fan in regards to Sandy’s history, I immediately understood Debbie’s issue with her and why her character would not want to be with Sandy. But, with that being said, Debbie was also in the wrong because she made everything about herself throughout the entire course of this relationship! Sandy did call her out, ex: “who was supposed to take Franny to school?”, and things like that were nice. HOWEVER I am sorry to say, this relationship felt like a massive waste of time and it felt like they were trying to force something that shouldn’t have existed to begin with. I don’t have the patience to even analyze this anymore, but maybe down the line because clearly there is SO MUCH to delve into!

13. Alex (Season 9)

Omg I did not like this relationship/plotline at all. Alex had issues but Debbie was so inconsiderate! I never saw the appeal here! It was nice that Alex had the decency to go and help Debs with Ford after the fact. I just feel “meh” about this tho. They had moments but ultimately I personally wasn’t into it and Debbie’s random newfound self discovery of “lesbianism”.

12. Kyle (Season 3)

Emma Kenney’s first kiss! Kyle was a one episode character that did have the potential to be more than that. I didn’t hate the kid as Debbie’s love interest, but there also wasn’t anything special about him. He was just kinda there and then he left. Debbie really seemed to like him though, spelling his name in her peas, etc.. I do like that one line about cigarettes that Kyle had but again he was such a short lived character and when he turned out not to be related to Kevin it became unnecessary to keep him around... even if the episode alluded to him returning. They were sorta cute!

11. Claudia (Season 10)

So I didn’t like this relationship much either but there was a certain kind of stability in the relationship that felt organic and nice. Partly because I enjoyed watching Constance Zimmer and she made Claudia likeable. Do I ship it? No. Was it a problematic dynamic? Yes. Was it a tolerable relationship? Eh. I didn’t hate it entirely though. Debbie, being a Gallagher, eventually fucked it up. And while I did like the drama, Debbie wasn’t REALLY into Claudia as much as she may have believed she was. So, it totally felt like a one off that would end with Claudia not returning... and it was. So there was no time for an investment of any kind.

10. Hedi (Season 11)

Gosh... Debbie’s endgame(?). Hedi was introduced too late for me to care enough about her (At this point it would have made sense for Debbie to wind up with Calista because at least she was already introduced!). I don’t necessarily like Hedi as a character and quite frankly it was a “who tf does SHE think she is” kinda deal for me. At first I was interested and didn’t hate her (and I don’t), but then she “thought she was Jimmy” and I instantly got annoyed (LOL I GUESS it was a nice nod to him tho... I guess).

My (several) problems with Hedi as a character aside, there IS something about Hedi being presented as this “dangerous badass” who is (somehow) WORSE than Debbie, that worked well. I’m not a fan of the ship, but it is an interesting dynamic in the sense that Debbie could potentially be “living on the edge”. I fear for what trouble this could cause Debbie BUT it’s like Frank referenced: Monica vibes. I don’t think it’s “true love” like Debbie said to Franny. A constant storyline for Debbie has been “why can’t anyone ever love me” and so she falls in quickly. Maybe Hedi will leave her but that’s the thing, “she’s done worse” so idk, either way I don’t think it’s meant to last! But I guess I don’t mind them being together! Karma’s a bitch! Will Carl tell her what Arthur found? Would it even make a difference?

9. Julia (Season 10)

I would have actually rather preferred her with Carl too! It was never love between Debbie and Julia, but the relationship did create good conflict for my viewing pleasure. UNPOPULAR OPINION, I didn’t mind Julia as a character at all. She was fine for me. I also enjoyed how ultimately SHE was only using Debbie in the end. Julia does admit later on that she was experiencing with her sexuality so maybe she did have feelings for Debbie at one point, which I thought was interesting. Debbie got herself into this one. At least Julia was more age appropriate than Claudia... (which is ironic since Debbie got in trouble for being with Julia when the age gap is MUCH bigger between Claudia and Debbie LOL I love it)! I also found Julia annoying Debbie to be amusing, that’s not to say that I liked her a lot either cuz I don’t!

8. Matty (Season 4-5)

Man do I feel bad for Matty! Debbie raped him and it was horrible. From the get-go when Matty was introduced the relationship was hella awkward!! And not only that but Debbie was a MINOR! Matty did do the right thing and said they couldn’t be together but a part of me will always feel strange that he WAS INITIALLY attracted to Debbie before learning her age. That to me is still wildly inappropriate. He shoulda cut it off. He did try to be her friend and took her to that dance which was cute but ahhh this was just a MESS all around. Cringe. At least he didn’t take advantage.

7. Henry (Season 4)

Speaking of Matty and that dance, Henry was supposed to take her. He asked her as a joke in order for Seama to inflict revenge on Debbie. If that weren’t the case however... DAMN THEY WERE CUTE! The potential that this relationship could have had! If only it wasn’t all an act! It was a “day worth of love” and sure that’s not enough for two people to REALLY be IT, yet there was something charming about their connection that I wish was real. Or idk maybe Henry could have reconnected with her later and apologized and it could have been revealed that he did actually like her... but that wasn’t the case. Fuck him!

6. Simon (Season 1-2)

Debbie was NOT interested in Simon at all but at the time he was almost like the male version of her. Their banter back and forth was fun to watch and he probably would have treated her well. It’s unfortunate that we didn’t get to even see their friendship progress. Their interactions were funny and he was a good guy!

5. Batiste (Season 10)

Y’all may not understand why this guy is so high on the list but a part of me wishes this character wasn’t a one off. Batiste is the dude Debbie tried to return her “unused” shoes to. If you can recall, he wanted a blowjob to take advantage of her. While this was a dick move (and the plot went nowhere) a part of me would have liked to see more! He did have an arc where he acted like an ass and realized that it is wrong to degrade women. I just think it could have been built upon and Emma may have had chemistry with this actor. There was something here that I didn’t hate and I felt it could have been expanded upon.

4. Little Hank (Season 2-3)

Debbie’s first real crush! It was interesting to see how he didn’t like her at first and then a “friendship/relationship” slowly started to develop after he gave her flowers. IT JUST NEVER CONTINUED! Little Hank was in no way the most upstanding, but it was cool to see Carl have a friend that Debbie crushed on (when she was little she wasn’t intentionally taking something away from Carl ie. Kelly, so I support it). Their interactions were fun to watch too! The fandom definitely has a soft spot for Little Hank! And at one point everyone was rooting for them to be together. Too bad we never discovered what ended up happening to this character!

3. Neil (Season 7-8)

The bathtub scene tho! Adorable! There was a short moment within this relationship that was super cute where the two of them really did seem to care about each other and may have both been in love. It goes without saying that Debbie was only using him, but they did have SOME potential and they found a common ground where they each benefited each other’s needs. Debbie once again was TOO controlling and self absorbed to make it work, but I don’t think she was entirely happy in a relationship with him. He deserved more respect!

2. Derek (Season 5-8)

Baby Daddy! I really did enjoy them together until Debbie took advance of him and Franny came into the picture, but at the same time that’s one of the reasons that Derek, as a character, has a deeper connection to Debbie and the audience. I always enjoyed their flirting back and forth and the relationship they had (the deleted scene with the card/push up game ahh my heart)! Debbie really did mess up due to her desperation to “belong to a family”, which is another one of her consistent character traits. She just went too far and tried to trap him. Then shit got messed up between their families. Derek did eventually ask for parcial custody and did have a desire to be a part of Franny’s life. Debbie said no and that plot line died until s10. Pepa!! Ahh! RIP to Derek, it was sad to me that he died. Definitely a character and relationship that I wish was incorporated more because I truly enjoyed them together.

1. Duran (Season 8)

Besties with benefits! Stop! Nobody talks about my guy Duran! Sure they both said that this relationship was of a sexual nature and that they were just a couple of friends but damn! The chemistry and dynamic was palpable! It is truly a shame that we didn’t get to see more of this friendship! They were on common ground and really did care about each other! I don’t know why but I really just LOVED them together! Duran was also in her friend group with Farhad and that was a group that seemed to have a positive impact on Debbie as a person. S8 Debbie was cool! These two complemented each other so nicely! Duran wasn’t by any means the best influence on her because he almost lead Debbie down a “Monica path” but come on, Hedi is worse in that department. He was getting his life together like Debbie was with her profession. Just think of the hair convos Duran and Tami could have had Lol. Idk, I just like Debbie with him a lot! It was healthy to an extent and he was supportive of Debs with Franny.

#I could write so much more for each of these but I’ll spare you #guys nobody talks about the AMOUNT of love interests Debbie had over the course of this damn show #I miss characters with a lot of depth!#I want to do more of these relationship lists for other characters #my lists #my favs #shameless #gallavich #debbie gallagher #franny gallagher #sandy milkovich #debbie x sandy

16 notes · View notes

larktb-archive · 3 years

Note

Hi! I'm too shy to come off anon, but I need your help understanding something. I hope I'm not bothering you!!

I don't want to interact with anyone who is a fascist, but I'm not entirely sure what makes someone fascist. Can you please explain it to me?

I know I could look it up myself, but I know that not all definitions online can be correct and I just want your perspective;;

Thanks!

Hi anon! Well, fascism comes in many forms so “sussing out who’s a fascist” is technically a little harder to do than having a simple checklist. After all, doesn’t a White Supremacist have different beliefs to a Japanese fascist? And doesn’t a Japanese fascist have different beliefs to a Wahabist? These beliefs clash don’t they? Well, yes and no. Sure the surface level beliefs are different but the underlying core beliefs of these groups are actually quite similar; it’s the specifics which are different. Even though it isn’t a “bible” on what is fascism and shouldn’t be taken as gospel, Umberto Eco has an essay called “Ur-Fascism” which contains 14 points, which can help us identify whether certain beliefs are fascist no matter the specifics of their belief system. I’ll explain the points in short and give some examples. Quick disclaimer, I am not an expert on fascism or any of the ideologies I’ll discuss by any means so if you aren’t taking Umberto Eco’s writing as the 100% correct truth, definitely don’t take mine as that either (this is how you should treat most sources tho):

1. Cult of Tradition and 2. Rejection of modernity

I put these two together because they’re kind of inseparable. This is basically the idea that there was a “glorious past” that people need to return to and modernity is a corruption of that “glorious past”. In British fascist thought, this past is generally the 19th century at the zenith of the British Empire or mid-20th century Britain. The latter is more common for people who wish to be a little more PC with their writings; instead of trying to use a by-gone era that pretty much no one alive can remember, they use a much more recent time with nostalgic ideas of “the good old days” which doesn’t seem threatening on it’s surface but is dogwhistling for a time when there weren’t as many immigrants in the country.

You may have seen the “reject modernity, embrace tradition” meme and it’s pretty much the most obvious incarnation of this idea. Similarly you may seen people online use “degenerate” as an insult. If you look at the meaning of the degenerate it means “having lost the physical, mental, or moral qualities considered normal and desirable; showing evidence of decline”; it’s microcosm of these ideas put into a single insult. This is why you tend to see conservatives use it more than progressives.

I’d also argue that terfs obsession with 2nd wave feminism and their utter rejection of intersectionality and modern feminism is another manifestation of this idea.

3. Action for actions sake

This is less detectable in terms of individuals but still important to note that these people tend to support action without a cause. Sure the insurrection at the white house earlier this year was action, but it had no substance behind it. It was action for actions sake, which is why any principled leftist didn’t support it. Fascists will tend to openly just call for action but won’t be very specific about the purposes of the action; as long as they agree with the ideology behind it they’ll support it. It’s why fascists love harassment campaigns and mindless acts of terror. Take Wahabist terrorist orgs like Al-Qaeda or ISIS, it doesn’t matter if bombing an Ariana Grande concert has no point, the only point is the action itself.

4. Disagreement is treason

This one’s pretty self explanatory, they will ostracize you if you disagree with them. Again, terfs tend to do this, and I had a long conversation with an ex-terf I called a dumbass, who basically said that she was ostracized by them and mocked for having different beliefs (hope she’s doing well actually). There’s numerous stories from ex-terfs like this.

5. Fear of difference

There’s a tendency for fascists to group people into “us” and “them”. “They” are considered to be intruders who need to be removed whereas “we” are the people who deserve to be here because it is “our” right to be here. In Zulu Nationalism, this tends to be any non-Zulu speakers who they deem to be “Shangaan” even if they aren’t actually Tsonga, it’s just a pejorative at this point. If you see vague references to the “elite” without any reference to who they are and what makes them “elite”, this is tends to be a dogwhistle for Jewish people. Western Fascists have very little issue with the workings of capitalism itself or the accumulation of wealth by capitalists, they just don’t like “them”, taking “our” stuff. Any references to “us” and “them” is pretty much a red flag.

6. Appeal to Social Frustration

Fascists will tend to brush upon actual issues faced by the poor today but will instead blame it on an outside force. You’ll see job loss being blamed on immigrants or vague “elites”. Terfs do this too. They’ll see young girls who are genuinely struggling with patriarchal issues and divert all that pent up rage towards trans people and the “q*eers” (which they do tend to use as a slur unlike what most people would have you think).

7. Obsession with a Plot

Everything is a conspiracy! The election was rigged! 9/11 was fake! that fucking pizza place/this furniture company is a sex ring! All of these are supposedly plots by the deep state who are trying to do... something or other. You’ll notice these “Plots” don’t actually have a purpose, but the fact that there is a plot itself is the issue. This is a way of engendering paranoia in the group while also feeling that there is a constant war against you even if there isn’t. This is also why, despite news sources being pro-capitalist the right will swear up and down it’s leftist media which is controlled by “them” (usually just meaning Jewish people).

8. The enemy is both strong and weak

“Trans people have infiltrated academia and the only reason people refuse to see gender as an immutable biological concept, is because they’re too afraid of the trans cabal to say anything. But also everyone can tell trans people are crazy and haha you have a high suicide rate.” It’s contradictory that’s the point. They need to feel that they’re both counterculture but also they need to be winning at all times so that contradiction is necessary. Also the use of the word “cabal” is a pretty big red flag for all forms of fascism.

9. Pacifism is trafficking with the enemy, 10. Contempt for the weak, 11. Everybody is educated to become a hero and 12. Machismo and weaponry

All of these are kind of interrelated so I’m grouping them together (also this is already fucking long as hell so I don’t wanna bore you any further). You’ll tend to see a love for the military or at least military aesthetics when looking through fascist blogs. Guns aren’t just a tool for fascists, they’re representative of masculinity and the necessity of violence. Pacifists and anyone who refuses to fight are weak and therefore are “degenerate”. If you do not fight, if you are not willing to fight, you cannot be a “hero” (an ubermensch or a matyr). This comes with the fetishization of violence instead of the recognition of violence being an means to an end, and the worship of individuals rather than of communities and organizations. Take Japanese fascists and their lionisation of the imperial military and their desire to once again have an actual army.

Terfs don’t necessarily fit these roles except for arguably 10 considering how much they seem to look down upon the mentally ill and those who commit suicide and surprisingly 11 since that involves the hatred of non-standard sexual activities and terfs hate non-standard sex (this is from the most vanilla bitch who is very uncomfortable with kink but understands its not inherently good or bad). I have a feeling this is more so because terfs are mainly women (there are male terfs ofc) whereas this was written for male led organizations.

13. Selective populism

When fascists talk about “the people” they tend to mean “the people we like”. “The working class” can be translated to “this cishet white christian man from Minnesota who owns land but hey he lives in a rural area so he’s working class right?”. They’ll also tend to have “tokens” who will suddenly become the mouth piece of the entire community they’re supposedly representing even if no one in the community asked them to (i.e. Milo Yiannopoulos).

14. Ur fascism speaks Newspeak

They speak in terms which are both inaccessible to anyone outside of their circles whilst being so simple that once you learn them it becomes easy to understand. They abhor any form of “academic” speech so you’ll rarely see them source things (unless those things happen to agree with their views, which is rare but Jordan Peterson is popular for a reason) and if they do source things they probably wouldn’t have read them fully and will rely on you also not reading them. This is to limit any critical thinking so that your brain is basically jellified into an unquestioning organ which only responds “yes” or “no” and only appeals to a higher authority without any form of reasoning involved. This is why they complain about “the lefts memes being too wordy”... because they’re used to not having to read (this is somewhat tongue in cheek but heyho if the boot fits).

And that’s the 14 main features of fascism, if anyone is displaying multiple of these ideas then they are most likely fascist, and if an organization or group continuously replicates these ideas, then they are definitely fascist. I hope this wasn’t too long but like I said... very complex topic. (Also hopefully this is written well, it’s 10 PM and I am surviving off Irn Bru energy drink). Hope this helped!

#long post #lillypad.txt #ask away #Anon

6 notes · View notes

oumakokichi · 4 years

Note

Hello I hope this question doesn't bother you but I genuinely hate Tsumugi's love hotel event Because obviously it's gross but it just feels so contradicting Like in both Kiyo and Monocubs situation incest was shown as abusive,toxic and unhealthy but here it's weirdly justified Now I have heard some people say that maybe Tsumugi is into this crap and someone as unhinged as her would put her fetishes into her creations What do you think It just feels wasteful to put a scene like this

No worries anon, you’re not bothering me at all! I completely get how you feel. I personally am not a fan of most of the love hotel content. Of course there are some that I like, which I feel manage to stay in character and which are really cute or even interesting in what they tell us about the other characters… but there are some really not-so-great aspects of them too.

To begin with, even the concept of “magical love hotel key which makes people see me as someone else entirely and only I have full awareness of my surroundings while everyone else is tricked into loving me” isn’t that great a concept if you think about it for more than a few seconds. It’s fine as a metaphorical means of showing us each character’s greatest desire in a romantic partner, but mostly it’s just used for pointless fanservice or self-inserting from the player.

For a long time, it was actually really unclear and there was a lot of debate over whether Kodaka even wrote the love hotel events himself due to a somewhat ambiguous interview. He mentioned something along the lines of some of the love hotel scenes being “too much, even for him,” and it sounded at the time as though he had specifically delegated writing the love hotel scenes to someone else instead. In the end though, I do believe it turned out that Kodaka wrote them all, but it’s still interesting to note that they’re written to be so deliberately fanservicey that it’s very nearly out of character in most cases.

As far as Tsumugi’s love hotel event goes specifically, I think it’s probably a little bit of both. As in, I think there’s a case to be made for her being extremely over-the-top in her preferences for what one might call “dark fiction,” and I also think a large part of it was just Kodaka doing something gross and fanservicey for the sake of appealing to players (particularly otaku) who are “into that.”

On the one hand, Tsumugi is definitely a character that represents the dangers of being overly reliant on fiction, and of twisting fiction to fit a certain agenda. There’s real, deliberate commentary in chapter 6 especially about the ways in which fiction is kept going without being allowed to die or rest, often twisted past its original intentions and filled with “shocking content” like blood, gore, and death in order to keep audiences interested and coming back for more.

While I agree that chapter 3 specifically shows incest for the horrific and toxic thing that it is, some of the interactions between the Monokubs still nonetheless have entire skits based around incest and treat both it and domestic abuse as a joke (which is probably the most exhausting part of the whole game and something I skip past almost every time on a replay now). Since Tsumugi is basically puppeteering the Monokubs themselves, or at least has some say in their AI, this could just mean that she has really awful, terrible preferences in fiction and that’s why it comes up in her love hotel event too.

But at the end of the day, Tsumugi is still a fictional character herself, and the love hotel events are written by a man who is ultimately trying to appeal to the same otaku audience that ndrv3 criticizes with some of its themes. I do think the biggest reason why her love hotel is so gross and off-putting is simply that Kodaka wrote it that way, and that he did so as a deliberate type of fanservice because he thought it would appeal to fans of “the incest trope,” even if said trope is really nasty and harmful to tons of people, including actual survivors of incest.

As fun as some of the love hotel events are and as much as I love some of them, like Ouma’s, at the end of the day they’re sort of incredibly frustrating because so many of them go directly against the entire point of ndrv3’s biggest themes.

When the core message of your game is “fiction is an incredibly powerful tool, it can be both uplifting and give people a reason to live, but also has the potential to be harmful and has real-world consequences,” it feels like kind of a massive oversight to then go on and write a bunch of “romance events” centered around some incredibly gross and harmful tropes in fiction. Or if not an oversight, then just really lazy and uninspired.

Ultimately, the love hotel events are entirely optional content though, so while I do have my faults with them, I don’t think they necessarily ruin the entire rest of the game. It probably is “a waste of a scene” like you said, as the love hotel events could have all been written to be so much more interesting than they actually are, but I’m glad at least that they’re not included with the actual events of the game.

Thank you for your question, anon! I hope I was able to express my thoughts on the matter.

#ask #anonymous #opinions #ndrv3 spoilers //#incest //

24 notes · View notes

thetypedwriter · 4 years

Text

Only Mostly Devastated Book Review

Only Mostly Devastated Book Review by Sophie Gonzales

You know those feel good movies that are short and sweet and fun while you’re watching it, but mostly forgettable? You all know what I’m talking about. It’s the experience of something that is fine, enjoyable even, but largely unnoticed on the grand scheme of things?

Only Mostly Devastated is like that.

Now, before the fangirls attack, let me just say that what I commented above is not an inherent criticism. Not every novel that I read, or people want to read, has to be a masterful prose full of epistemological queries and agonizing philosophies on life.

Sometimes you want something sweet and fluffy, like cotton candy, to fill in the times when your brain needs a break. A good book does not necessarily equate to a challenging book, although English teachers in school will have you believe otherwise.

Sometimes books can just be fun.

Only Mostly Devastated tells the queer book version of Grease, down to allusions making its way even on the front cover. The plot is basic in its storytelling. The main character, Oliver, is staying in North Carolina for the summer with his parents as they help out his aunt while she receives treatment for cancer. During the summer, Oliver has a not-so-summer-fling with a boy named Will that both think will end when Oliver moves back to California at the end of the season.

But lo and behold! Oliver’s parents decide to stay in North Carolina for a year to help out, forcing Oliver to spend his last year of high school far away from home and unbeknownst to him, attend the same high school as his beloved Will from the summer.

However, predictably, Will from summer and Will the basketball player that Oliver meets in high school, seem to be two different people, with Oliver trying to reconcile why the boy he loves is pretending like he doesn’t exist.

This book...isn’t original. In any way, shape, or form. From the plot, the characters, the dialogue, and even the writing, nothing about this stands out too much to me.

Again, this does not make it a bad read, sometimes you want light and easy and predictable, but it does make it a forgettable one.

The plot is fine. It’s sturdy, it works for what Gonzales is trying to achieve, which is mainly the love story between Will and Oliver. She does try to throw some other things in there, like putting a side character who is struggling with being bisexual, another side character with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), some light stuff on body image, other airy commentary on fetishizing people’s sexualization, and of course, the death and loss of a loved one and the grieving process that goes with it.

Now, you might be saying, wow, thetypedwriter, what are you thinking? That is so much stuff that she put into her book! Incredible! How can you call it shallow and predictable?

Well, for one, the book is short. While again, nice for those readers who want something light to carry on their way to tan by the pool, great, but for those readers who want something more, this can be frustrating.

For an in-depth reading experience for any of those themes above, hitting the tip of the iceberg would be putting it lightly. The book skims the surface of those topics, but they aren’t delved into in any semblance of sophistication or depth that would actually make this a more memorable read.

Reason two, Sophie Gonzales does come across quite preachy sometimes.

Now, this can be tricky so let me explain. Putting forth your agenda or your beliefs and values in a book is not an erroneous thing to do. Actually, it’s an amazing thing to do and people have been using books as a form of expression for these types of things for centuries. Some may argue that the intrinsic value of a book is to express such opinions.

However, this is not Sophie Gonzales’ biography, nor is it an opinion article about how she feels about the fetishization of girls kissing girls for male entertainment. When you are going to put your opinions and beliefs into your book, it needs to make sense in the scheme of the characters.

For example, if J.K. Rowling randomly had Ron go on a speech about women’s rights and toxic masculinity, it would be out-of-character and baffling since Ron would not be the character to say such a thing.

However, if Hermione were to give such a speech, the ideas and beliefs would be passed along, message received, but without breaking character or pulling me out of the universe to think what the hell because a sermon came out of left field that held no continuity in the scheme of the novel as a whole.

This happened to me quite a lot in Only Mostly Devastated. It was like Sohpie Gonzales got to a certain point, told her characters to step aside, and then got on her soapbox to preach about love and acceptance.

Once again, I’m not against any of the messages she’s portraying at all.

What I think lacked finesse, however, was the way in which she got those messages across, which was often out-of-character and forced the plot to go certain places just so she could get the chance to talk about those issues.

With that out of the way, other slight criticisms I have mainly are to be found with the characters and the writing itself.

The characters were all likable enough. I’m not about to go write fanfiction about any of them though. They were largely generic, although entertaining enough for what this book is offering. They were also all pretty forgettable and formed pretty forgettable relationships as well.

Do I really remember any of Will’s friends? Nope. What about Oliver’s girl squad? Kind of? I did appreciate the attempt at including more characters of color, including Will.

I do think that Lara was the most interesting character. I honestly would have preferred to have had a whole novel about her rather than told from Oliver’s point-of-view, simply as Oliver is basic as all hell (white boy that plays guitar and is slightly awkward. I’ve only seen this character about 10 million thousand times before).

And if Gonzales had written this novel about Lara instead, all of her themes would have worked infinitely better. You still get the struggle with sexuality, you still get the side POC characters with PCOS and body image issues, and you could still have the plot of loss and death if you wanted to.

The friendship with the girls would make so much more sense, the fetishization topic could have been delved into way more thoroughly, and Lara was kind of a bitch, and I appreciated that about her. You would even still get a musical person in the form of Juliette even without Oliver on the scene.

But, nope. We get Oliver. Which is...fine. Mediocre, but fine, I guess.

Lastly, Gonzales is a perfectly average writer. The story flowed, it was funny, it had its moments of nuance and sarcasm, but there were moments where she would make comparisons, always with similes or metaphors, that left me literally confounded because of how bizarre and out-of-place I found them.

Some examples:

1. “Up close, she smelled like sugary flowers.”

-I’m sorry, but what do sugary flowers smell like? Why are the flowers sugary? Who would even sugar their flowers in the first place?

2. “Deep inside my chest, my heart was beating as though it was trying to tear free from bondage.”

-Just...an extremely odd choice of words. Why bondage, Sophie Gonzales, why?

3. “I’d rather floss with barbed wire, than watch a live sports match…”

-Ummm eww and scary?

I could go on and on with the frankly awful choices for comparison that are made in this book with incessant use, but I think you get the point. The similes and metaphors were downright baffling. Not really sure what Gonzales was going for with them, but...no. Just no.

Lastly, Oliver’s nickname Ollie-oop made me want to curl up and die. It didn’t make them seem like better friends. In fact, the whole rose gold-girl-group and Oliver was such a dumpster fire of a friendship that lacked any and all actual solid foundations for a relationship that it annoyed me, especially in the end when Oliver decides to stay in North Carolina to be with people he’s not even close to.

Additionally, the inclusion of Oliver’s two friends from back home was just...pointless, utterly pointless. I don’t even know why she bothered to write them into the story honestly. They added nothing.

Again, her themes are good in nature and provocative in theory, but the book was just too short and shallow to justify writing in any of it when really all she cared about was Will and Oliver sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. It was almost like fanfiction, but published. Actually, nope, I think fanfiction is better.

Wow, I guess I had more feelings about this book than I thought, mostly negative too.

Once more, I want to heavily emphasize that I DIDN’T HATE IT. It was a super, light, super cute, very simple book that I’m sure a ton of people will appreciate right now with everything heavy going on in the world.

If you need a book in cloud form, this is your novel. But....if you wanted something more like me, if you found it just a little too simplistic in nature, just a little too forgettable, then that’s okay too.

Recommendation: If you’re too burdened down by carrying your sunscreen and your cooler out to the pool, this is the perfect light summer reading to tuck under one arm and melt your worries away for a little while. If you want an actually good, actually complex and refined LGBTQ+ coming of age novel then I’d definitely go for the likes of Red, White, and Royal Blue or Autoboyagraphy instead.

Score: 5/10

#only mostly devastated #sophie gonzales #ya fiction #YA Books #YA literature #LGBTQ fiction #book blog #books #book review #Book Recommendations

13 notes · View notes

mrmallard · 3 years

Text

Top 10 Favorite Lyrics of 2020

This list might seem esoteric, but 2020 has been a turd on a plate and music has made me feel a lot better this year. Sometimes specific lyrics slap harder than the rest. It's lyrics like these that kept me going in 2020.

So here's a list of some of my favorite lyrics from the year and why I like them. These songs aren't necessarily from 2020, they just resonated with me this year.

I should warn you - this turned out to be an incredibly personal post for me. I touch on lyrics that I view as possibly pertaining to the trans experience, and whether that's a viewpoint I'm qualified to talk on. If that's a particularly touchy subject for you, I recommend proceeding with caution. I also mention abuse in one entry, and how it affects me years later.

I really cannot stress enough how personal this post got, so keep that in mind if you decide to continue reading.

10: "Kiss me goodnight / like a good friend might" - Sara Bareilles, 1000 Times

All cards on the table, I'm in love with a good friend of mine. TL;DR, that's probably why this lyric speaks to me.

That's a bit reductive, so here's why I love it so much - this lyric is sodden with yearning, even without taking my circumstances into account. The entire song is about living with an unrequited love, and this expression of that just hits me in the chest like a sack of bricks.

The reason I love this lyric so much is because of how soft and vulnerable it is. It's an amazing cooldown after how passionate the chorus is, and it feels like the most earnest, genuine expression of this feeling ever.

This lyric sums up that feeling when you're with someone you really like, and you're hoping - praying - that they'll close the distance with an affectionate action. Maybe you want them to play with your hair. Maybe you want to feel their hand linger on yours for a moment. Maybe it's late, and you're tired and a little drunk, and in that moment that you make it to bed for the night, it would make your heart feel indescribably whole if they leant down and gave you a chaste, affectionate kiss on the cheek. Nothing more - just that simple act of contact, an affirmation of affection.

This is a good song about yearning, and this is the lyric that really sums it all up.

9: "Called my friend in New York / 3,000 miles away / halfway through her metamorphosis / nothing I could say" - The Mountain Goats, From TG&Y

This is the first of multiple Mountain Goats entries. I'm gonna go into a bit of a tangent about them later on, but for now I want to focus on the lyric.

From TG&Y is a song about wasting away in a town that's taking you down with it. It has lyrics about huffing spray paint and vomiting blood, and John Darnielle sings about holding on to your dreams until there's nothing left to hold on to. It's an incredibly bleak song, and it's one of my favorite Mountain Goats songs because of that - it sums up an unhappiness in me that I've felt for over a decade.

This lyric is a moment of respite. After the soul-crushing day that the protagonist has had, they call up someone dear to them. The situation reads as awkward to me - clearly there's a lot of affection for this friend and the process she's going through, but it's hard to bring up. Their awkwardness is another misfortune, but it comes from a good place.

My take is that the protagonist's friend is a trans woman, and the protagonist can't find the right words to say about it. It's awkwardness born of distance, not of ignorance, and it's another side effect of the town he lives in. But he loves her, and in the midst of his rapidly declining life in this shithole town, it's such a blessing to hear her voice. If only he knew what to say to her.

8: "And the funny thing about it is / despite how much time I spend hating it / it never says a bad thing about me" - Tim Minchin, Not Perfect

I got into Tim Minchin this year. I like his moody, melancholy songs like this the most, though I also like his songs about religion. This is my second favourite song of his, behind White Wine in the Sun.

Between all the bluster of his sillier songs, he has this incredibly sensible song about the life we live. From the world we live on, to the brain we ultimately reside in, it's a look from the outside in through to the inside out and it makes some incredibly pertinent points about the human condition.

The "it" in question is about his body. It's not in its best shape ever, and he often tries to fill it up with wine - which is in itself a multifaceted lyric, being a silly jab at himself as well as a deeper statement about his wellbeing.

But his observation about the brain rejecting the body as opposed to vice versa is what really stuck with me.

My takeaway was that our body is essentially a stupid meat suit that obeys the will of the brain. And when it doesn't match the self-image of the brain, we resent it. Our body is an extension of ourselves, and it's incredibly upsetting when our idealised image of ourselves isn't reflected in the body we reside in - and that leads us to self-harm. That's super fucked up.

I adore this lyric for highlighting the relationship between the physical and mental self. It makes me want to better myself more than a thousand PSAs ever did, because it makes a pertinent point about what I'm damaging. It's me, but it can't fight back when I want to hurt it.

7: "Her body's a difficult sister / and she loves her" - The Weakerthans, Exiles Among You

As I was writing the first draft of this list, something came to a head. I feel like I have to explain where I'm coming from for this lyric, especially after the last two lyrics, so please bear with me.

I perceive this lyric to be about a trans woman. "Her body's a difficult sister" scans as potentially trans to me, and I find it heartening that despite the difficulty her body poses at times, the main character loves herself. It ties into Not Perfect in that regard, which was the catalyst that resulted in the way I view this lyric.

While it can potentially be viewed through a cis or a trans lens, the trans lens speaks to me more. And that's what I want to talk about.

Between this lyric and From TG&Y, I'm worried about how I sound when I'm talking about trans people. This lyric is arguably the biggest stretch in favour of a trans viewpoint, and the context of the lyric can be considered to deal with dysphoria due to that - and as someone who is known as a cis man, as opposed to a trans person, I'm worried that my viewpoint is off-base to the point of being harmful to individual trans people and the trans community as a whole.

I want to be as transparent and respectful as possible about my interpretation of song lyrics through a trans lens. My intentions are good, but I feel the need to explain myself when I haven't had a lived trans experience. That in itself is a valid enough reason to discard how I'm approaching this, but I want to make my feelings known.

For the last few years, I've been thinking more and more about the trans experience. I don't necessarily have an issue presenting in the way that I do, being AMAB, but I'm empathetic towards the challenges faced by trans people. One potential reason is because I was bullied from the start of school through to the end, so I empathize strongly with people and groups who are othered for their intrinsic personal identities - but I think it goes deeper than that in this case.

When I see something positive about the trans community in particular, I get a sense of emotional fulfillment that I don't really get from anything else. Gender euphoria sounds like bliss, for example - the fact that it exists and that people feel it makes me feel incredibly happy. I'm empathetic for and supportive of gay, bi and ace people, among other gender identities and sexualities, but I don't necessarily feel the same emotional swell for those experiences as I do for the trans experience. And without going into detail, one of those things should stand out from the others.

Viewing trans people in these lyrics make said lyrics much more emotionally resonant to me. There's something about the trans experience that I resonate strongly with, and it significantly strengthens my emotional investment in music that I already enjoyed beforehand.

The fear I have about viewing these lyrics through a trans lens is that I'm worried it looks like I'm fetishizing transgender people, or I'm misappropriating the trans experience for my music headcanons. That's not my intention. I haven't identified as anything other than cis my whole life, but when the cards line up like this, it unlocks a deeper appreciation of the song in question. It means a lot to me when that happens, and that can mean any number of things - but it definitely comes from a sincere place of care within myself.

That's why "her body's a difficult sister / and she loves her" means so much to me within that context, and it's a more in-depth perception on why From TG&Y's lyric grips me the way it does as well. I know it went off track from the song itself, but I felt a need to explain myself and I hope that my viewpoint is viewed in good faith.

6: "I still hear trains at night / when the wind is right" - The Weakerthans, This Is A Fire Door Never Leave Open

This lyric reminds me of abuse in a very applicable way to myself. There are times when I've remembered awful things that happened to me, even if I hadn't thought of them in years.

The Weakerthans are good at writing these lyrics that can go either way. I think about the character Lori from Night in the Woods when I hear this lyric, who lives by a train track - as far as she gets from that place, there'll be nights where the wind outside will remind her of the trains that passed by her house.

But in real life, there'll be nights after years of happy, content cohabitation with someone else, someone who puts your mind miles away from the worst moments of your life - where a trace of what you experienced will come back to you. No warning - the conditions in your life were just right to bring that memory back.

It continues to be one of my favorite lyrics, years after I first heard it, because it hits so close to home.

5: "I guess I have to hope that today the sun will shine / and maybe tomorrow, you'll be mine" - The Weepies, They're In Love, Where Am I

Another good yearning song. I spent a lot of 2020 yearning, and songs like 1000 Times and They're In Love, Where Am I really helped me through it.

The thing about the Weepies is that their lyrics can either be extremely blunt or extremely roundabout and kinda silly, and both extremes hit that button in my brain that makes me go "happey : )". This is more on the blunt side, being on one of their shorter songs. But every lyric in this song counts, and every lyric lands.

The reason why I picked this one is because of how well it sells the bittersweet nature of the song. The person you love is out of your reach, and it's hard to ignore that, but you might as well be thankful that things aren't worse. And maybe tomorrow will be different, and all your wildest dreams will come true. Even though they definitely won't, it's a nice thought.

The lyric speaks for itself. It's efficient, it ties the whole song together, and it's as gorgeous-sounding as the rest of the song. Excellent lyric.

4: "Maybe there's a season when I'll taste that wine / a thimble at a time / a thimbleful of wine" - The Weepies, Hummingbird

Reading these lyrics at face value doesn't always have the same impact as they do when you're hearing them in a song, and I've been trying to keep my picks to lyrics that scan both ways. But I've covered some heavy subject material in this post, so despite this one not necessarily scanning that well, I'm going to talk about it because it makes me incredibly happy and it lets me take a load off.

As I listened to this last verse for the first time, I was mostly soaking in the ambience of the song. A lot of the song is made up of these vignettes and platitudes, and while it's very pretty in its own right, I had trouble following it. But it's a gorgeous song, and I decided to tune in for the last verse and enjoy it as much as possible before it ends.

"Maybe there's a season when I'll taste that wine" - okay, I can relate to that. For all the hard work you put into something, you don't necessarily get to enjoy the fruits of your labor. But maybe one day you might get a chance to do so. Beautiful.

"A thimble at a time" conjures up an incredibly specific, sweet and kind of silly image. But before you can snark about it, the song follows up on what it just said - "a thimble full of wine".

It's like it read my mind. It knows it's a very precious image, and it takes full advantage to address exactly what it just said. I love it so much - it's such a cute lyric in an already gorgeous song.

3: "I just wish I was a toothbrush or a solder gun / make me something someone else can use" - The Weakerthans, Utilities

This is a lyric that's maintained its hold on me over the years. It captures a relatable sense of ennui and despair - I'm not doing anything for anyone now, so I wish I was an inanimate tool that could be of service to someone.

Nothing else really needs to be said. It's a classic in my books for a reason.

2: "And then you're singing in Dutch to me / and I recognize the song / it seems so old and so fragile / I haven't heard it in so long" - The Mountain Goats, Minnesota

This is the lyric that got me into older Mountain Goats songs. The entire narrative of the song is gorgeous, but it's this line that really broke through to me and it continues to be a favorite of mine.

The way I imagine the song going is that after spreading the seeds around his house, the narrator wakes up from a heat induced haze with his head in the lap of his partner. And she's singing in Dutch to him, and he recognises the song - as the song goes.

It's such a nice image to me. Waking up with your head in someone's lap, having that surreal moment as you're looking up at them where they're singing in a language you aren't familiar with, but recognising the song. That shit is picturesque. It's beautiful.

This really is the cream of the crop when it comes to Mountain Goats lyrics. It appeals to this broader romantic ideal in me, in a way that gets me every time. One reason why I like the Weepies so much is because their song lyrics make me feel like this one does.

1: "Make it through this year / if it kills you outright." - The Mountain Goats, Exegetic Chains

I'm ending on this note because the song and the lyric are perfect to end on.

Songs from Pierre Chuvin was a Mountain Goats release from early 2020 recorded in the style of John's older music. It was recorded on accoustic guitar, through an old boombox that imparts a nostalgic grain to the sound, and songs like Aulon Raid sounded like they were written in the 90's era of the Mountain Goats. Songs from Pierre Chuvin is, by all means, one of the most faithful throwback projects I think I've ever seen.

And Exegetic Chains is the crown jewel of the album, at least of the songs I've heard. Not just because of how it sounds, or how it's structured like some of my favorite Mountain Goats songs - but because it takes homage to heart as the last track on the album.

John references other songs, but the most recognisable reference is in the chorus - a dark reprisal of This Year. "I'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me", a loud, bombastic rallying call to yourself or a mantra to keep yourself alive through another year of hardship - becoming "make it through this year, if it kills you outright", a downcast plea calling out in a time where death is inevitable.

This is my favorite song lyric of 2020 because this song lyric is a reflection of 2020. It's the dark reprisal of This Year that we needed, that really says it all. I'd love to end on a happier lyric, but I can't stress how perfect I think this lyric is. This is a reprise that I sincerely think will stand the test of time.

#sara bareilles #the mountain goats #tim minchin #the weakerthans #the weepies #dysphoria tw #abuse tw #top 10

3 notes · View notes

almaasi · 4 years

Text

yoooooooooo, I’m in need of a beta (or betas) for my Garak/Bashir fics since all my usual proofreaders are busy.

summaries/warnings for 4 completed fics are listed under the cut. total word count is 111k+. all are rated ‘explicit’ except for one ‘mature’.

my previous fics are here if you want to know how I write.

preferably I’m looking for someone who can beta all of them, and more fics that come after this, but anyone who can do a one-off is cool too. I definitely want someone who’s good at suggesting things in the name of intersectional feminism and reader sensitivity! or just questioning things and commenting in general. catching typos or confusing sentences would be a huge bonus but that’s not my priority~

please share this with people you think might be interested!!!

fics listed longest first, not necessarily the ideal posting order. some of these have been lightly or partially beta’d already.

1. The Wolf Who Cried Doctor

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir, Julian Bashir & Ezri Dax

55k, Explicit

Garak is certain: any day now, Julian will discover that the most frequent visitor to DS9’s Infirmary has been going out of his way to fake, cause, and invite harm unto himself in order to gain his dear doctor’s attention. Garak cheerfully tells his lies with just enough variation to remain interesting, but remains afraid that one day Julian won’t believe him when there’s really something wrong.

But Julian is already aware there’s a problem. And the best treatment for an acute case of touch-starved loneliness, he believes, is to provide Garak with as much physical affection and emotional care as possible. It’s not like Julian couldn’t do with some company himself, given how his relationship with Ezri has been fraying.

But neither Julian nor Garak envisioned what could come of it all. Neither of them ever prepared for bliss.

(A post-canon fic where Garak comes back to DS9 and feelings happen.)

Tags: non-endgame pairing:, Julian Bashir/Ezri Dax, side pairings: Ezri Dax/Kira Nerys, Kira Nerys/Keiko O'Brien/Miles O'Brien, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Angst, Self-Harm, Depression, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, (Julian and Garak), Lovers to Friends, (Julian and Ezri), Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Massage, Holding Hands, First Kiss, Touch-Starved Elim Garak, Lonely Elim Garak, Jealous Elim Garak, Garak is the quadrant’s most melodramatic drama queen, Lonely Julian Bashir, Bisexual Julian Bashir, Julian’s Foot Fetish, Ezri Ships It, Supportive Ezri Dax, Matchmaker Ezri Dax, Love Triangle, except it’s a tangle of lines, Polyamory, Communication is Hard but Vital, Replicator Malfunctions, Space Station Antics, First Time, Bottom Julian Bashir, Top Elim Garak

Warnings: Garak self-harms (nothing gory or graphic - just hot tea + gravity, improper handling of sewing tools, baiting others to use brute force, purposefully ingesting questionable foodstuffs; scars from past cutting) - but for most of the story he doesn’t think his actions are troublesome, merely viewing self-harm as a means to an end to acquire the physical comfort and emotional attention that he craves from Julian. (Disclaimer: I’m aware this is not the only reason real people might self-harm, but it’s Garak’s reason.)

Unspecific suicidal ideation (Julian tells Garak off and Garak’s like “welp! guess I’ll die now”). Both Garak and Julian are wildly depressed and lonely - and I swear that Ezri, the O’Briens, and I are trying our darnedest to rescue them, but they both have a tendency to spiral into a vortex of doom without talking to anyone about it, so it’s not the easiest thing to do. >:|

Foot fetish is mild but... y’know, present. (Oh, Julian.)

Regarding polyamory/love triangle tags (spoilers ahead!): Julian loves Ezri A LOT but doesn’t realise it’s in a platonic friendship way, and privately ties himself in knots over not being sexually or romantically attracted to her anymore (if he ever was to begin with). Much panicking about unintentional cheating happens, because he’s accidentally in love with Garak while dating Ezri - except (more spoilers) Ezri is trying to set him up with Garak anyway. Ezri is totally poly and way more chill than 99% of people would be in her position. Past Kira/Keiko/Miles.

Special note I mentioned to current betas: you should probably know that i feel some sort of divided way about how ezri is SO accepting of julian's disaster sexuality, because a) i've never once seen any character react like that, ever, in anything fictional or real (potentially bc of lack of bi and poly rep), and b) her reactions are based on how i would react in her place??? (note that i'm aro, ace, and bi, (well that's simplified) so if i was in a relationship with julian it would definitely be platonic but me being madly attracted to him despite that) so it's like... really personal but also i'm worried nobody would relate and would say i made her a pushover. so any pointers you have there would be lovely <3

2. Runabout Rollabout

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

23.5k, Explicit

Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Keiko O’Brien, Kasidy Yates, Kira Nerys, Ezri Dax (mentioned)

Eight months after the war ends, Julian invites Garak on a pollen-harvesting trip to Bajor. Distracted by the delight of seeing his friend after so long, Garak gets himself blasted with hormone-altering pollen, and is forced to ride out the repercussions on the runabout journey back to DS9. Symptoms include mood swings, unusual food cravings, and an urgent need for emotional assurance and physical contact. Julian is glad to offer relief, in whatever manner Garak requires. Even in the most intimate of ways...

Secretly, they both hope their brief affair in the runabout’s bottom bunk will lead to something more. But how could it, when duty forever trumps desire?

Tags: Post-Canon, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Porn With Plot, Mutual Pining, Sex Pollen, Mood Swings, Hormones, Cuddling & Snuggling, Public Display of Affection, Smut, Explicit Consent, First Kiss, Caring Julian Bashir, Hormonal Elim Garak, Horny Elim Garak, First Time, Anal Sex, Top Elim Garak, Bottom Julian Bashir, but they do switch briefly, Post-Canon Bajor, Post-Canon Cardassia, Illustrated

Notes: FYI, Julian and Ezri are no longer a couple. How that happened is discussed late in the fic, but Garak thinks they’re still dating when he and Julian sleep together for medical reasons. (Julian is NOT cheating, but Garak guiltily believes he is.)

This one’s probably an easy edit tbh. But I’m still questioning that ^ Garak-thinks-Julian-seeing-Ezri thing, so anyone who can tell me if it feels right, if I need to edit it, or if I should take it out, would be great.

3. Tail Over Heels

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Amsha Bashir, Benjamin Sisko, Ezri Dax, Miles O’Brien, Kira Nerys, and everyone else

19.9k, Mature

Despite every attempt to deter her, Julian’s mother is coming to DS9. Here’s the problem: Julian told her he was married, and he’s not. Here’s the solution: Garak stands in as Julian’s husband. She’s meant to hate him. But Garak is just too damn likable - and a liiiittle too convincing in the role of Julian’s lover. Not only does his mother believe the lie, but so does everyone else on the station. Even Julian himself is starting to wonder...

Tags: Romance, Fluff, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mistaken For A Couple, Moving In Together, Roommates, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Holding Hands, Eavesdropping, Bickering, Cardassian Flirting, First Kiss, First Time, Garak has a tail, Slightly Alternate Canon, set mid season 7, or an alternate post-canon where nobody leaves

Note: This one’s the oldest and closest to being publishable, and already illustrated and lightly beta’d, so this will likely post first, before the end of March 2020. But it definitely needs another going-over.

4. Code for Consent

Elim Garak/Julian Bashir

13k, Explicit

Julian Bashir, Elim Garak, Miles O’Brien, Keiko O’Brien

With Miles away, Julian needs someone else to play the evil villain in his secret agent holosuite program. Garak steps up. But tying Julian to a bedpost and fake-torturing him turns out to be an accidental turn-on for both of them. Julian doesn’t want to break character, so allows Garak to escalate his erotic domination towards the point of no return - yet Garak won’t go any further with their roleplay without clear consent. Now Julian has to figure out a way to show Garak he wants him without saying it outright. (But then again, maybe saying it matters.)

Tags: Smut, Romance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Holodecks/Holosuites, Roleplay, Cardassian Flirting, Accidental Stimulation, Light Bondage, Choking, Light Knifeplay, Consensual Non-Consent, Rape Roleplay, (foreplay only) - soon followed by:, Explicit Consent, Holding Hands, Making Love, Schmoop, Top Elim Garak, Bottom Julian Bashir, set late season 6

Note: Nobody’s read this yet so idk how it comes across to other people, which worries me. Something about it doesn’t sit right with me but I can’t figure it out and need help with that :/

If you’re interested in helping, please submit me a tumblr message at https://almaasi.tumblr.com/submit with your name, pronouns, a statement of your interest and email address (gmail preferred) so I can add you to google docs if I pick you c:

(also maybe a timeframe of when you’d be able to beta. starting any time in the next couple of weeks is fine.)

(disclaimer to people with anxiety: I welcome anyone <3 if you want to say hi, PLEASE DO. I reserve the right not to pick you for any number of secret reasons, and I might not reply quickly, or at all, because I have chronic fatigue and messages are A Lot for me, but it doesn’t mean I don’t like you or you did something wrong!! promise.)

#ds9 #garashir #deep space nine #star trek: deep space nine #Elmie writes things #post of postiness #betaing #The Wolf Who Cried Doctor #Runabout Rollabout #Tail Over Heels #Code for Consent

14 notes · View notes

mickeytheticklee · 4 years

Text

𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

(IT'S A TICKLE FIC!!)

It was already the start of the tickle convention. The day where everyone can show their true sides without feeling a tad bit embarrassed. Of course they had their lers with lees, as I am here lonely. For me it was sometimes hard making friends in the tickle world. Some were either too much or didn't like how I was too much. Then there was the whole problem meeting up and how they would bail on me thousands of times. Gaining friends into something you never thought you had was quite a challenge to me. Even with me being alone I can still enjoy the same thing as a regular lee with a ler. Even if I don't find my perfect match I can still make friends with other lees. I always wanted to ask them about their tickling experiences and how they went thru long hours of tickling. Which led me here today, talking to a male lee about his first tickle session. His name is Yuta. He's in his mid 20s, a shitload of tattoos, eyebrow piercing and a couple ear piercings. He seemed so cool that I never imagined him being a lee. That's what I liked most about him, how he was super unpredictable. His exterior seemed super tough but in tickling he's a sensitive baby boy.

Yuta: Favorite tickle tools? Go!

Miren: I mostly do fingers. But if I had necessarily pick one it would be toothbrushes.

Yuta: I can't handle that shit. It's too evil.

We were talking at McDonald's about tickling. We both seemed alike in terms of spots. Both had a sensitive tummy, even more sensitive inner thighs, then not very ticklish feet. Only difference is his weakness with his neck. While talking we bought up the reason why we can't here. Yuta is originally from Japan and gets money from his parents to fly out to LA during the summer. I thought it was impressive that his parents let him do that but...you know...his parents don't know his secret. Most people wouldn't admit their fetish out of nowhere. The day I did I lost a friend. He never told anyone, he had separate accounts with separate emails so no one can find out. It reminded me how I had to do that and forgot my passwords too many times.

Miren: How about your sister? Does she know?

Yuta: She's at the convention. I decided to take her this year.

I was very surprised when he said that. I mean, a sibling being into tickling. What are the odds of that? I was acting normal when Yuta bought on the conversation about her sister having a tickle fetish. I knew my heart would send into a panic because this could be my chance of hooking up with a lee. But I didn't wanna be rude and think that the only reason I wanted to hook up with him was because of his sister. Turns out his point of meeting me was to get me to her sister, who's even more shyer than me. Despite being two years older than Yuta she's only been into tickling for three months and still doesn't know the materials. Which meant he was setting me up with a baby ler who's never tickled anyone. If that isn't the cutest shit ever I don't know what is. At the moment Yuta's sister was exploring through the convention center and was too excited to take a break and eat. So we needed to wait until her hyper side went down to meet her. We went back to talking until a text came from Yuta's phone saying her sister was coming. I was excited, but still...needed to lay low.

Yukika: Hi, now who did you want me to meet?

Yuta: Her. Her name is Miren and she's a lee. See, now you have a new friend.

Not how I expected Yukika to radiate the same energy as Yuta, badass but have a kind personality. But this girl was 100% total softie that if I didn't know who she was I would totally assume she would be a lee. She had a soft voice, a lovely face, pastel clothes on with a bunch of cute stickers on it. Her hands were so silky soft I felt like feeling them forever. She sat next to me, holding my hand and having such a gentle smile. Gosh she was so pretty. Like whenever she would let me speak I would suddenly shutter. Then she would coo me while touching my neck when she found out I was younger than her. We talked a bit. Yukika ended up going to a shop that had tickle supplies and she bought toothbrushes, feathers, and a tickle belt (which I didn't know existed). Along with that she went to Target to buy baby oil. My first thought was making it seem like she was preparing a session. I was close to asking her if we can have a session but I didn't want to seem like our meeting is going too fast. But she was hinting it SO BADLY UGH. The neck tickles, sudden belly pokes, the way she caught me off guard with the knee tickling which sent shivers down my body.

Miren: Do you wanna... have a tickle session... tomorrow?

Yukika: Really? What time? Where do you wanna have it? Do you have any limits?

Oh wow this was truly happening. I never knew I could be invited to a tickle session. In a way it made me feel special that before that day ever happens I get to spend a whole day with my lee. So it was just the two of us for the rest of the day. Just playing carnival games, eating delicious meals, and doing tickle challenges. The fun at that time just begun to Yukika. She wanted us to have a sleepover, since I drove 90 miles to get here and she didn't want me struggling to get back home. So we slept together, in the same bed, with her arms wrapped around my waist and her smelling like mango soap. It felt like heaven. When morning came I was already abrupt with tickles. I felt Yukika's hands squishing my tummy as I try to move.

Miren: SHIT AHAHAHAGAHA ARE YOU STARTING ALREADY?

Yukika: I'm sorry but I couldn't wait to see your laugh.

We started the session after breakfast, which I liked. Daytime tickles were much more enjoyable then waiting the whole night to get them. I looked through the supplies she bought wondering if I can give her a class on tickling. When I wanted to be the teacher she started to get whiny, saying she wants to get to the tickling. I mainly due this to see what how long her temptation is. There was no reason for doing this, I just wanted to have fun. I kept asking her questions and if she answered correctly she'll get another question. Ten questions in and she finally found a way through my bare skin. I was on my robe, underneath was a very short crop top and some shorts. Meaning that my stomach was able to be exposed at any time. I could tell Yukika was fed up over my stalling. She untied the rope and started lightly scribbling my tummy very lightly. I froze, looking down to see her beautiful nails touch my belly. The feeling...it felt magical. My first time getting tickled and this is what it was like. It took a quick ten seconds before I started giggling and dropping down to the ground.

Yukika: Are you ready to give me a hands on lesson now?

Miren: Of course.

She definitely had ler energy when she said that. My body was laying on hers with Yukika's arms going to my chest. We were both on the ground in comfortable positions with my stomach not yet exposed yet. Yukika lifted it back down to give me more suspense in tickling. But the crop top was showing my lower tummy and hips which was her first target. Pulling my shirt up she uses both hands to tickle my stomach so lightly making me burst into laughter. Seeing myself burst so easily I tried holding it in. But feeling the sensation for too long would definitely make me lose it. The fact that it was only one spot just shows how weak I am. It got everywhere, my sides, my belly button, my ribs. Spots I didn't even know were ticklish like the ribs close to my tits. She kept pinching them and it made me lose place but Yukika pulled me back into place.

Yukika: You aren't teaching me. Are you perhaps too shy since my hands are laying all over your adorable belly?

Miren: Yes, plus it seems like you already know stuff.

Yukika knew I was fine suffering but she knew I already had a weakness. She wanted the lecture about tickling. She wanted me to say what spots to be tickled instead of her doing all the work. Of course I hated that. I can't even say the tword before going into a blushing mess. I kept trying to say it, while Yukika was getting me mad while she pinches my sides. By the time I already said it she went ballistic on my sides, making me slide more onto her. She sat there so politely wondering what other action I'll give her. I asked her very quietly to tickle my tummy as she was confused while lifting up my small shirt. I kept saying just my belly but she pretended to misunderstand by wiggling her finger in my belly button. I said belly again but she digged into my sides leaving me laughing again. Still saying belly she tickled my waistline and...I was enjoying it. My hands were suddenly turning into fists, trying not to deflect Yukika's attack.

Yukika: Coochie coochie coo~ who's my ticklish lover?

Miren: I am...

Yukika: What?

Miren: I am! Ah I love this so much!

I was only sounding enthusiastic because I didn't want Yukika to stop the tickling. So I listen to her and taking the tickling attack of my ticklish knees. But let me rewind you what she said. Lover. She loved me? After the tickling and hugging her I kissed her. But I soon regretted it thinking she wouldn't love me. But guess what, she kissed me back but added some light tickles on my back to tease me. So in the end I had a lee who turned out to be my lover. Turned out I feel in love while being tickled. 💞

#yukika #tickle #tickling #tickle fic

1 note · View note