#guilty brother stuff

[arumisalbum]

Zaplarizch

"The Zaplarizch, a being not so easily described."

CHALLO THERE - how are you doing? Hopefully it's good!

The short story here is a snippet I made when I originally got a story idea. The actual story itself is what I'm currently plotting, and will also be more detailed and have build up to the events described here :D so mild spoiler warnings for that!

The premise is about a creature I made myself, which a random creature name generator graciously named The Zaplarizch. How do you say that? I don't know, to be honest. But, I can mildly describe it! The Zaplarizch is a rather tall beast, maybe 10-15 feet or so. It's mainly a skeleton base, the spine and bones in its arms very visible. However, its shoulders are really bulked out, and the skin is a mix between large balls of pus, random bloody eyeballs, and patches of human skin. Kind of like an Ed Gein monstrosity given life.

WARNINGS It's graphic, I would say. I'm not sure exactly what people expect warnings for, as I don't get triggered easy and usually skip them. But it does feature a couple of things!

Somewhat vivid descriptions of murder?

MC is fearing for his life

Also mentions of deadly pranks

MC being guilty about murdering his brother :P

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO - let's get started!

The cloth of my sweater and pants stuck to my skin uncomfortably, almost like someone skinned a cow and sewed its skin onto mine. My eyes moved rapidly, my hair stuck to my forehead like wet seaweed trapped in a net. 

I ran fast. Tried to. 

The breath was taken from my lungs as soon as I saw it. Like it was stabbed on a skewer and pulled out of my lungs, leaving nothing but bloodied alveolus. My legs were sore before I even started running, muscles too tense to even run without pain. I bumped into the trees, the tension leaving my body through the blood dripping out of my veins.

The forest was large, and I was too far away from town to get any help. Perhaps that’s why this house was there, in the end of it. That thing wouldn’t want one to find help. 

I thought it was innocent enough. A manor that was rumored to be haunted in the middle of the forest. Spooky, sure. But ghosts didn’t exist, not like anything could be haunted.

What I hadn’t bet on was what existed other than ghosts. What could be still living in the abandoned manor up the top of the hill in the back of the town.

What I hadn’t bet on was my brother’s head hanging off a doorknob. 

It was stupid, really, dragging my younger brother into this. I felt horrible, bile building in my stomach as soon as I saw his hair acting as a noose. But it was too late to save him, part of his spine sticking out of the bottom of his decapitated neck. 

I should’ve taken that as a sign. I suppose the whole body might’ve been closure.

There wasn’t closure.

I was running now, trying to. 

The hill was steep, my feet tripping. I fell down, like a steep dirt slide with rocks slinging onto my face. I tried to stop, a rock hitting my feet at the end. I tripped, falling forward onto the ground.

My arms and legs were cut from the twigs, my face battered from the gravel that hit my face. My palms stung, ripped open by the ground. I looked down at my clothes, ripped open from the fall down. 

I stood up and continued to run, not having time to catch my breath.

I heard the thudding getting louder and louder, whether it was my heart or the thing chasing me I had no idea.

But I didn’t have time to discern it. The world started to go black. 

The trees moved around, the sticks stabbing into the ground like pogo sticks. I slowed down, from running to jogging, jogging to trudging. 

I fell down to the ground, turning around to view the thing chasing me. Its face was burnt, the skin at the top wrinkled and covered in burn marks. Its jaw was gone too, leaving nothing below its top 

Its arms were nothing but bent sticks, destroyed muscles connecting them to the rest of the body. The spine of the creature was sticking out, muscle coming to wrap around it like strings of chewed gum being pulled to its very limit. In the middle of its stomach laid intestines of different sizes, all bloody and hanging out of the muscles holding everything together. There were skeletal arms hanging out, moving on their own free will. Its feet were loud, stomping heavily on the ground. The muscles wrapped around its legs in circles, eventually leading down to the bone and claws that it used to latch into the dirt. 

What scared me most were its eyes. Its eyelids were burnt, leaving him with just white sclera to stare at things. They glew in the moonlight, leaving every other part of him lying in darkness. Like they had a light of their own.

I sobbed as I saw it, trying my best to back away with my stretched muscles and bloody veins. I felt as powerless as a baby, unable to do anything. At least babies could scream. 

The sticks it used as arms stabbed my heart, sneaking past my ribs and directly into the left ventricle of my heart. I sobbed, coughing up blood as it moved to stab my lungs. 

From my heart and lungs to my stomach, down my abdomen and to every part of my body. It must’ve had magic to ensure I was alive, I could feel every single strand inside my abdomen splitting in two as it tore me in half. 

I bled, that was my last memory. Torn apart and stapled together in the weirdest of ways.

fin.

Thank you so much for reading this all the way through! Hopefully I managed to tag it properly, I'm honestly not the best at tags.

I'm working on a more fleshed out story now, but I honestly kind of spoiled the ending here. Which isn't the worst thing in the world! Because I still really like this clip here anyways, it can honestly be used as a teaser to.

TAG LIST

@thatphantomtroupelady

#writers #writing #my writing #writeblr #horror #body horror #monsters #cw blood #tw death #violence kinda? #idk how to tag this #guilty brother stuff #mildly inspired by FNAF? #barely tho #ok i think thats it #i need sleep

[pinkyjulien]

.

#NOT TO BE NSFT ON MAIN #But I'm going through it... and by it I mean well... the horn knee #but like. lots of Thoughs about- HFH how Valentin is probably the first trans guy for Mitch #not that its rare by 2077 but because I HC him as demisexual #his first time was late-ish compared to his friends - he didnt had a lot of lovers - then there was Scorpion #who was more of a brother than a boyfriend but I DO HC THAT THEY ROLLED IN THE HAY Alright #But back to the thingy-- He's probably not experienced when it comes to Well Tdicks right #Mitch start to develop feelings for Val too the whole vets group start to notice it hardcore #cause these two gonkasses arent exactly subtle - they're just blind #and so one night while the vets are chillin drinkin the usual #subject comes up like eyy hows it going with V you gonna rizz him up or what #Mitch going PFFF idk what yall talkin about but he's red and suddenly don't know what to do with his hands #conversation goes and he's all like awkward cause Well Duh #Boys take showers together so everyone knows Val isnt Cis- there's others trans folks in the camp too its nothing unusual just an info #and get this... what if. its Butch Grease Queen Carol who gives him tips on how to get his boy all rilled up #while drunk ofc - Mitch wishin he could disapear from the discussion cause it's just too much but lowkey taking notes HKGJDKZKG #while some other vet goes on about how good it feels in there tm and all-- YNOW WARM N WET AND ALL #Mitch just nervously laugh and thanks them for the advices tm even if nothing will ever happen and just change the subject #he def jerk off in his tent tho cause he can't keep the vision out mH. hhhHHFHHF 👁👁 #and he'd be like damn here I go doin it over a friend again and feels guilty next time he sees Val #(val def does it too in his northern appartment #idk where im going with this don't mind me JHGJ #sex is such an insignificant part of their love - its present and they explore all type of stuff together #but its not something that would ever be source of problem or doubts if that makes any sense #while simultaneously being important - cause Mitch was Val first time - and in a way Val was Mitchs first too #and his boy sure does feel nice /)UwU(\ weeeee #tbd

[aroace-poly-show]

im missing half these characters why are they hard to do…..

#mono’s stuff #wuaghhhhh #anyone got any good song lyrics that i can relate to characters who uh #one that has themes of sacrificing stuff for your parents/specifclaly mothers. a girl that was really into chess #and her mom showed her off like a trophy then couldn’t play anymore after she didn’t have her moms approval and uhh. #found out it was all just a misunderstanding and her mom never really had bad intentions to mess with her like she though #a girl feels guilty for letting her brother die and her marriage fall apart bc she watches and does nothing #anddd a girl with anorexia who uh. also has a marriage falling apart idk

[bluecookiesabi]

You ever feel like you'll never find romantic love in your life

#cookie talks #just. thinking about how my older brother is married and my older sister is engaged #and how my longest relationship was like. 5 months and half of that time was spent long distance bc covid lockdown happened #like. that was 4 years ago. fuck. #and my relationship before that was maybe a month and a half #i just. idk man. ive had like. crushes and stuff and ive tried dating apps occasionally but nothing has ever stuck #and i do love my friends and appreciate them and platonic love is amazing. but sometimes. sometimes i want romantic love too. #it doesn't help that i have the whole 'i want to move out of the country' thing looming over my head so i feel guilty for wanting a #romantic interest bc of the complications that would bring. i feel like im not allowed to have any until after that happens

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

really wanna make a phone background with Axl's One Vision clock and try to line it up with one of the analog options for my lock screen but they're all not aligned the way I want this is gonna be a bigger pain in my ass than I thought. Luckilly it's a simple enough design and black and white so I think with enough effort and time I could pull off something satisfactory to me. I just need motivation so I'm going to wait until that comes.

#sairambles #guilty gear #axl low #waiting for my drive to do stuff to come back is like standing around and waiting for your stamina to regen in a souls game #and brother #I'm playing Dark Souls II

[niishi]

wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow

#im so glad i learned i had autism #bc...... other ppl control so much of our existence #thinking im a bad person my whole life when in actuality #i was always rejected for my sense of justice #and only accepted if i mirrored triggering behaviors #if i was doing what everyone else was doing it was fine #but if i spoke on my sense of justice i would get rejected #so id try to mirror and it always felt bad #like really bad #i was telling my mom yesterday that #her my dad brother and sister have all done things that #would keep me up at night sick with guilt for the rest of my life #and how i cant fathom how they can live their day to day lives without being burdened with extreme guilt #and she said she just doesnt think about that stuff #i feel guilty for a girl i was mean to once in 2nd grade still to this day #i know every instance in which i hurt someones feelings without a reason and i feel guilt about all of it still #it hurts me so much that id rather fight with ppl who think that behavior is okay #rather than mirror it #but i would mirror stuff sometimes bc it's like “will this make me normal?” and the answer was no #it just made me copy behaviors of bad people who dont have remorse #and that had huge negative effects on me #im glad to know that im not an evil person

[nebulaleaf]

btw we got a new place to stay at everyone!

ill ve able to actually fall asleep tonight

#my brother is so cool... #i feel guilty for being prissy about a broken window and some other stuff but mrrrr

[beskar33]

As soon as I get back to my camp Im taking off these wet clothes and grabbing Bo like this

#💬 beskar.txt #nomad tales #someone reported me @ my last spot #had to haul all my stuff to a further spot luckily my brother in law & sis helped #i also recieved a lovely tent just in time for the rain these next few days thanks to my mama #exhausted but very grateful for my family feeling guilty they do so much for me still #grateful I got food&water too #bye bye evil thoughts #you've been slain by seroquel & snuggling my husband hehehe #gn we are sending lots of love to all of y'all 💚

[hauntingblue]

Sanji: I don't even like them but I wanna save them

Luffy: that's my boy

#a dog wanting to eat sanjis food like when he went to give food to his mother 😭😭😭 #what if i shat nyself and cried.... what if i sobbed #I THOUGHT SANJI WAS GONNA STOP THAT KICK NOOOOOOO LUFFFYYYYYYYY HANGING ONTO THE GROUND NOOOOOO #talking tag #watching one piece #epsiode 823 #sanji imagining luffy smiling and he is going to find him in the worst state of his life since marineford.... sanji... #jesus christ!!! ENOUGH!!!!!!!! LEAVE LUFFY ALONE!!!!! #BROOK GOT THE COPY OF THE PONEGLYPHS????? WHEN?????? HE GOT THE THREE OF THEM BEFORE BIG MOM SHOWED UP????? #OMGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!! BROOOOOOOOOOK OMG #back to luffy suffering...... SANJI COME OOOOOOONNNN RUUUUUUN.... well at least luffy got a punch in #oh no...... omg luffy :(((??? nvm its not him but close WAIT SANJI CANT FIND HIM??? #jinbe saved pekoms... so the mafia guy wants to get big moms stuff... #sanjis brothers with the waitresses.....they won't be drunk tomorrow but gettig nami?JAIL #they don't give two shits about reiju to even see where she is so fuck em tomorrow lmao #not like she was going to say anything lmao #reiju should jump out of the window and run like luffy tbh #when sanji says he wants to die tomorrow is not bc of any logical thing but because he feels guilty foe luffy i get it now nvm #sanji looking thru the bodies omg..... his hat of course 😭😭 NOOOOOOOOOO #him trusting luffy to be there SO MUCH!!!!! and he IS THERE #please be there????.......... OH HIS STOMACH GRUMBLING OMG HIS HUNGER GAVE HIM AWAY AJDJAKSJAKSJSKKSJSKS INSANEEEEEEE #did he beat the guy or did they leave him for dead???? jesus has it rained so much ever in one piece or ifs just to set the mood #OMG SANJI CRYING AGAIN NÒOOOOOOOOOO luffy looks like a corpse 😭😭😭😭😭 #episode 824 #what is this. no opening no recap just straight up suffering from the start??? ahsjahsk #now the opening after that...... they did something there... oof #luffy smelling the food omg..... he looks like a corpse ENOUGH!!!!!! #sanji berating him and luffy just smiling omg....... eat if you can.... it's the omly thing he can do rn #episode 825 #luffy smiling and the clouds parting and the orquestra version of the opening... sanji saw god right there on the flesh in front of him.....

[frevandrest]

That’s interesting. Why do you think Charlotte was closer politically to the Dantonists?

gfdsgdffdsgsd I admit it's more of my tongue in cheek thinking than anything fully based in reality. Because there is nothing 100% demonstrating that Charlotte was actively thinking about politics. On the other hand, the way she talked about it in her memoirs, does show that she had Political Opinions. She tried to minimize this aspect in her memoirs (because she tried to present herself as a "proper woman" concerned only with domestic issues), but she does share enough to indicate that she thought about this stuff more than she was willing to admit. I am not sure if we can count Charlotte as a revolutionary in her own right (not like, say, Claire Lacombe), but I do think she was more political than she presented in her memoirs, and more than how she is often perceived (by historians).

And if Charlotte thought about the revolution and politics, it is clear that she was pro-revolution... but also not necessarily in the way her brothers were. Again, I don't have any concrete proof, and this is why I would love if someone wrote about Charlotte from this angle, but she does seem more of a traditionalist in some ways, and idk, less radical (?) than her brothers.

This is also reflected in the company she kept. Because Charlotte had many male friends/acquaintances and many of them were Dantonists. She had men who helped her (including times when she was fighting with her brothers), and many (most?) of them were associated with Dantonists.

Then there's also Fouché. Not a Dantonist, obviously, but fits the idea of Charlotte associating herself with men/factions outside of the Robespierrist circle. Like our girl met with Fouché a few days before Thermidor, and I assume they didn't talk about weather.

And after Thermidor, she was arrested and very quickly released, and while it could be simply because it was clear she didn't have much contact with her brothers, she was released super super quickly. This indicates that someone perhaps intervened on her behalf (true, she also signed a document in prison but I still feel there had to be someone who specifically said for her to be released.)

Finally, there's citizen Mathon, a man who helped her hide after Thermidor and with whom she lived after being released and until his death, decades later. Mathon's daughter was Charlotte's heir, and it seems like Charlotte raised the girl as a step mother. No concrete indications that Charlotte and Mathon were romantically involved, but they lived together and raised his daughter. Mathon was also associated with Dantonists.

So while there is nothing indicating that Charlotte was actively working against her brothers (or that they worked against her - that's Thermidorized bullshit), it does seem that Charlotte was more political than commonly perceived. She kept company with men from different factions (particularly Dantonists), which seems like conscious choice (?). It might be possible that she was just unaware of the implications, or she knew very well and she did it because this is what her (political) opinions aligned with.

#ask #anonymous #frev #charlotte robespierre #charlotte loved her brothers and would not do anything to harm them #but she was also a robespierre which means super super stubborn #and it might have resulted in bad stuff #like she didn't tell her brothers about meeting joseph near thermidor #she was not on speaking terms with bonbon but i think she was with maxime so why not tell him #like wtf was going on #also charlotte's memoirs are drenched so much in guilt and you have to wonder what she was feeling so guilty about #or maybe i am just interpreting them incorrectly #but she definitely associated herself with dantonists #and she seems more political than how she is commonly perceived #so i do think she was a revolutionary in her own right or at least a sympathizer #and not necessarily a sympathizer of the robespierrist option

[drusic]

october is here and i am not ready lmfao

#i know this month is cursed for the fandom but my problem has to do w personal stuff #it would be my grandma’s bday on the 2nd and she passed on the 31sr #31st* so it’s this whole month of just. grieving #and it’s been six years and i’m so scared i’m forgetting her #i felt so guilty when i didn’t want to go to the hospital to see her but i was so scared she was gonna die in front of me #she passed peacefully with my mom by her side praying and asking her dad who passed away before i was born to just take her with him #and he did #and i’m glad i got to say goodbye in a way #she told me she loved me and that me and my brother and my cousin were the loves of her life #and i kissed her pretty face a million times #i miss her so much but i feel guilty cause it’s so hard for me to talk about her #and it makes me feel like i’m forgetting her #and i don’t want her or my family to think so #yaya i miss you. please come visit me in my dreams. please please please #grieving tw #*

[wonderfulxhappiness]

vani. my buddy my pal. any tips for dealing with bpd beyond "fantasize about destroying social bonds because god wouldn't that be nice". thanks (this is to say we're going through it) -🪴

oh damn yeah i can try to help a lil

find a healthy(ish) coping mechanism. for me when i get the urge to irrationally block people/lash out/etc, i either go play a game (i play rhythm games a lot bc it makes me focus on something else), just remove myself from the situation (i have a side account where i've blocked a lot of people off of it and go over there to scream and cool off and rb characters from games and shit), or just kinda. destroy stuff (WITHIN REASON). there has been a few times where i've dragged out old work from high school and just ripped papers into shreds to calm down. don't go like, throwing the good china at the walls or anything, just rip up some old school work or some scrap papers.

if you have the ability to, talk to someone. i can hash stuff out with sonata sometimes (if he's not actively encouraging me to be worse, or feeding into my delusions), other times i talk to my brother if they're willing, and they help me work stuff out. my dms and stuff are always open if ya need to talk, too :3 also just? talk to the person bothering you if you can in a rational way? (or even in a sort of "irrational" way, if they understand what you're dealing with). it helps me a lot to just clear out my feelings, and sometimes whatever's bothering you can be avoided in the future. or you'll just get told you're being irrational, which in my case kind of helps sometimes skgdhds

uh internal affairs can also help!!! like me and my headmates kinda have agreements for when i start getting a bit uppity and they're working on failsafes to kinda? make it less bad? for lack of a better way to describe it? so they just kinda. take over sometimes. if i'm being particularly irrational and petulant. so maybe working out something with your headmates can help out? (and if any of your guys share ur bpd sometimes it helps to have someone to scream with, even internally... unless they are enabling you/making you worse)

but yeah bpd is. a bitch. the best things i can offer you is to First, find something to calm down with, even a little. and then Second, go talk to whoever is bothering you (if you can) to try and work something out, or at least just get a better perspective on yourself. sometimes you're just being an irrational ass who's annoyed that your fp is spending time with other people... and sometimes you end up crying bc you think your fp is abandoning you bc they didn't say good morning to you at the normal time bc they fell asleep on accident. <- actual thing that happened to me. btw. so ! you just kinda gotta find what works best for you. i get my mind offa stuff with games, and try not to stew too hard in my own anger. although that doesn't always work, i am a very angry creature when worked up apparently. do ur best sys anon. if you need me i am here :3

#but yeah i'd recommend just getting ur mind offa stuff if you can. and then maybe talking it out w/ someone. #i've lashed out more than a few times. at my worst i've threatened to hurt people. it happens - it's not a good thing but it /happens/ #don't feel TOO guilty over your own emotions alright? your brain is a bitch. obv if you lash out you definitely need to apologize when #you're in your right mind again - but otherwise don't feel guilt for just feeling bad yanno? #idk how much of this is GOOD advice but i hope it helps at least a little !!! #my bpd splits are usually just dealt with by talking w/ my brother or discussing stuff internally tbh... #usually i'm just being irrational and it's easy enough for me to kinda calm down after i've talked it out a bit #good luck sys anon o7 i will be cheering for you #system anon 🪴

[thehealingplum]

So I have this stress diary assignment for class and it's probably causing more stress for me because I can't really come up with too many things that legitimately bother me that are unique stressors. Like it's weird. Am I supposed to be getting angry at stuff regularly? I was letting that happen back in my 20s, I'm getting too old for that "everything makes me angry" thing. Generally when I find myself getting annoyed at something I break away from the thing or accept that things are out of my control...

I cant find stressors where I react poorly. Though I imagine if I lived with other people I would lmao... sigh.

#thinking aloud #I have to fluff up the diary with dumb stuff #Like feeling guilty about my brother's dying houseplant #It's a fleeting feeling #Also he literally would not care

[blujayonthewing]

[holds onto this feeling with both fucking hands]

#'why am I drawing ruszca instead of my friends' PCs or my actual canon dnd ships or--' BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT AND I'M ALLOWED #because I like her and I wanted to idk!! and it was fun and it felt good and now I wanna ALSO draw that other stuff!! #instead of the entire concept of drawing anything feeling too guilty and bad to engage with at all!! #also I do happen to know that the Disappointed Friends In My Head are not in fact ENTIRELY fictional strawmen : ) #my dad has told me it hurts his feelings that I don't draw kethri cause she's my character in the campaign we're in together #and like. okay it hurts MY feelings that 2/3s of the time we play that campaign you don't bother to engage at all #so the overall experience doesn't feel that rewarding to me despite my husband being the best DM I've played with :) #but yeah ngl there was definitely a little My Dad Voice in my head when I was drawing the mistletoe one like #'you never draw my PC/ your brothers' PCs though this should be one of them instead :(' #and I had to just. kick that voice to the curb. that's not HELPFUL it just makes art feel bad so I don't wanna do it at all #I counted once and there are... nearly 70 PCs and Major/ Beloved NPCs I Could Be Drawing at any given time between all my campaigns #there is ALWAYS someone whom I'm neglecting I LITERALLY cannot win in that regard #ANYWAY. man. would you believe I actually draw a lot more stuff when it feels fun and rewarding and I'm not paralyzed by guilt #about me #my art #posts from twitter

[milo-is-rambling]

Day whatever it is recap!

#📸 #I think it’s day five maybe #also I’m at my brothers school for the last time ever :/ #probs the last time I’ll ever step into a college dorm again tbh #and I got one last shower in the dorm bathroom which is always good bc if I’m seeing my brother chances are I’ve at very least spent three #hours in a car to get to him #so a shower is nice especially bc I was like panic attack sweaty. tmi? maybe. #I didn’t really do a lot today #at least not postable stuff #a lot of hanging out with family and Millie and being tired and kind of miserable but also daydreaming about any other shit in my life #idk. it all feels weird rn. all of it. and my brain is nagging me saying you’re being/doing x y z for attention even when I’m not telling #anyone shit im doing or thinking or anything and my brain is still like nah. you’re jealous of your brother graduating and not being home #at the end of dads life and at the same time you feel stressed and guilty and feel bad about him not getting closure #but at the same time you just wish you didn’t see his fucking body on the ventilator and all the IVs and the bloat and the popped blood #vessels and the nurses and doctors and knowing they did cpr so much if he even survived he would be miserable and have broken ribs #fuck. I want to be home and alone and crying about this all by myself alone. I hate this I hate this I hate this I want to go smoke a cig #but this is a no smoking campus ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I am miserable and this is supposed to be this big fun #thing for my brother and I feel selfish and stupid for having feelings and letting myself get upset about my dad but my fucking mother #made some sign to put in an empty chair for my dad and she brought his jacket he wore all the time and I started crying when I saw and then #immediately after we had to go see his parents and my grandfather is falling apart and reminds me of my dad in the hospital and I’m just so #miserable and between horrible thoughts and self harm and everything I’m keeping to myself I am just thinking about how this is so bitter #sweet for my brother like he’s graduating with his friends and then moving away from them all to a place where it’s just all about dad being #dead and he doesn’t like Florida really and he’s gotta start his grown up life (technically he has two more classes online and he’s getting #a blank diploma tomorrow but yeah. things are rough and my body hurts and stress is so bad for me and my chronic pain and I feel like I went #from the most relaxed and comfortable and happy I’ve been in a year to feeling like hell on earth and I feel like I’m bringing down every #one else’s mood but like hello why are we pretending any of this normal thid can’t be real this can’t be real this can’t be real I don’t #want this to be reak I want it to be fake it has to be fake please please please wake up tomorrow and have it be a year ago please #I miss my father and I hate myself and violent thoughts are taking over my mind and I hate it all but things were so good literally up until #I saw my mom and grandparents #my brother was so nice when it was just us too (and later I just mean before mom got here specifically he was still nice to me)

[spacebell]

im feeling irritated and there’s so many reasons

#my brother has been working from home this week (he goes back tomorrow and Friday) #so I haven’t have alone time #i don’t have work to do so it’s not annoying that he’s here bc I feel watched #but i truly truly truly need my weekly alone time #he’s been taking the painkillers I use when I have cramps bc he hurt his ankle #and they’re almost gone and they’re expensive so I might hide them #oh… my period is almost here so there’s that #im waiting on an appointment with this psychiatrist and then hopefully I can go back with my parents until my grad ceremony #the weather isn’t helping either but it could be worse #im also bored but I don’t know what else to do with what I have here bc I have no money and I feel guilty asking for more money from my dad #i need to start writing and venting again #i know that helps #but since I’m bored and I’ve been crocheting stuff my hands hurt a bit #i just want to go home #mariana.txt