#got it rescheduled and made it to the airport

[windowsandfeelings]

I never feel less like a person with their shit together than I do at an airport.

#overslept and missed my flight #got it rescheduled and made it to the airport #bought an iced coffee next to the gate #took one sip then dropped it all over the carpet #dressed in layers for the plane and now I’m overheating #wore an outfit without pockets so I’m juggling my phone #backpack doesn’t have a strap to keep it on the handle of my suitcase #just feel like a sweaty flustered mess!! #but when I get to NY we’re getting lobster rolls so at least there’s that

[jamneuromain]

Hii!!! I just read A Whiff of Blood and it was amazing!!! Omg its been a while since I read Lloyd being caring without having another motive. This is pure goodness 😍

I was wondering if there could be a scene where y/n asks to leave work early bc she has a date. Lloyd says fine but ends up at the same restaurant as her with Danny to spy🤣 and y/n saw them and this will be the first time she yells at her boss. how would the boss react? falling for her even more or trying to save his dignity and ego 😎

Hi babe! So sorry that this one-shot is taking forever to come out (and I've made a little adjustment to it :3 hope you don't mind

A Rush of Blood

Lloyd Hansen x You

Warning: Mob AU, Mob!Lloyd, Secretary!Reader, Lloyd is being a (surprisingly) softie(?

Summary: You asked whether you could leave early for a date, while Lloyd decided not to keep his feelings bottled up any more.

W/C: ~4.5k

A/N: This is the final sequel to A Whiff of Blood, Thank you for all your love for Mob!Lloyd<333

Lloyd can’t help but look at your empty seat for the fifth time in a row. The boring-ass meeting for the quarterly revenue of his properties drags on, yet you haven’t returned for a while now.

Lloyd checks his watch.

It’s been fucking two minutes and forty-two seconds since you excused yourself with your phone buzzing in hand.

The ticking watch gets him more annoyed and impatient by the second. Two minutes and forty-four seconds, two minutes and forty-five seconds, two minutes and forty-six - where the heck are you?

You pick up the call as soon as you reach your desk, “Allie?”

“Hey hon. Bad news, I’m stuck at the airport. There has been a huge blizzard here in Alaska and all flights are banned from taking off.” Allie remains her chirpy sound, but a hit of restraint peeks from her words.

Allie has been your friend since high school. You’ve bonded over the mutual love of boy bands during your teen years. Though you have moved on from your love of pop singers/bands, Allie maintains her enthusiasm for K-pop idols.

“I’m in the middle of a conference, so, sorry about making this short,” you sigh, “I assume they can’t get any plane in or out for today?”

You scheduled for fine dining with Allie at one of Lloyd’s restaurants later this evening. At this rate, you are no longer surprised if he owns the Hollywood landmark too.

“Not in this damn weather, no.” She curses under her breath, “Not for three days as far as I’m aware.”

“Jesus.” You rub your temple as it is throbbing, “Sorry about the weather. I’ll reschedule the dinner.”

“No… don’t be.” Her hesitation on the phone sounds slightly suspicious.

“Allie?” You raise your voice dangerously, “What did you do?”

“Don’t be mad,” she holds a pregnant pause, “I’ve got this really cute boy – he’s a year behind us, by the way – and he’s working now in LA, Scott McCall – that’s double C in McCall, and I planned to introduce you two during dinner.”

“The fu- Allie!” You whisper-yell in the phone, “You’re gonna dump me and let me have dinner with a completely random person?”

Allie squeezes a few dry laughs over the speaker, “Eh- Sorry?”

“You better pray there’s no plane in three days because I’m going to crawl through the phone lines and strangle you if I have the chance.” You sputter a curse, “And burn all your K-pop albums.”

She gasps, “NOT THE ALBUMS!”

Typical Allie.

“Seriously though, you had the chance of meeting him two months ago... at an exhibition. The gallery downtown near the bakery? The Retro-modern Exhibition? The one you left early? It took him a lot of strength to get to me and then to you, so … just try, okay? If it doesn’t work out, it’s fine.” Allie sounds unlike her usual self, “If it works out … I guess you’d have a great story to tell your kids.” She can’t help but joke at the end.

“Yeah yeah, ha-ha, very funny.” With a sigh, you agree to her match-making plan, “Fine. But I really have to go back to work now, ‘kay?” You roll your eyes instinctively when the other end of the phone passes a squeaky “yes” to your ears, “I’ll be there on time. Dinner, six thirty, he’d better not be late.”

“You’re my life-saver. Mwah! Love ya’ bye!” After blowing a kiss via mid-air, Allie hangs up the phone as if fearing you will regret your decision in less than a second.

You end the call at the same moment the door to the conference room swings open, and out came a few executives for his real estate.

“Sorry, Mr. Hansen,” you put your phone into your pocket, straightening your shirt because you have been leaning on your desk. You know how much Lloyd hates disturbance, and creases on a shirt.

Lloyd purses his lips with a frown, an expression he wears often to indicate he’s not happy.

“If it’s okay for you, Mr. Hansen, I’d like to leave early today.” You request rather boldly.

For three years of your work as a secretary, the only other time you left early was a medical emergency of your mother. She fell down the stairs, hit her head, and had a broken femur. Though it wasn’t much of a big deal when she was transferred to a ward later, it scared the hell out of you to take the call from the local hospital, telling you your mother was sent to the ER in an ambulance.

Lloyd was generous enough to grant you a week of leave, but you got back on Day 5 after making sure your mother was well and taken care of.

“Is your family alright?” He asks, clearly still remembering the last time when you got kidnapped on the street, for which he had to assign Claire – a bright young lady, whom you’ve grown fond of over these past weeks – to act as your bodyguard and occasionally your assistant. Under Lloyd’s orders, she went to oversee the security cam installation at your apartment door.

“They are fine.” You suppose it’s better to tell him the truth regarding your leave, rather than having him meet you in his restaurant a few hours later, “I uh… have a date tonight.”

“A date?” He raises his eyebrows, repeating syllable by syllable, “A date, you say?”

“Yes, a date.” It feels like a betrayal all of a sudden, a betrayal of your work ethic. Your throat tightens, “Ahem, I’ll be leaving at five, if that’s alright with you, Mr. Hansen.”

Lloyd studies you for a moment.

“Okay.” He shrugs, sounding carelessly, “If you finish the work for today.”

You are pretty sure that there’s no more itinerary for either Hansen or you after this meeting, but you still play your role as a dutiful secretary and ask, “Anything else you would like me to do?”

“Call James and tell him to pick up the loan I gave out to the Dawson scum, five mil’ in cash or non-bearer bonds. If Dawson returns even one dime short, I want his arm broken. And deliver the drycleaning to my place by five tonight. Tell my butler, while you’re at it, he can hold off the repair down at the basement, this can wait till January. And,” he pauses, “I want you to tell Dani, head to her place personally, and tell her that I’m cancelling the Cuban appointment.”

“Yes, Mr. Hansen.” You pick up the landline straight away, ready to dial James’ number.

“You are not taking any notes whatsoever.” Lloyd narrows his eyes, “What are the tasks I just gave you?”

Lloyd seems extra grumpy today, plus you are not a note-taker anyway. You cover the speaker with your palm, though puzzled as to why he’s moody all of a sudden, but comply with his demands, “Call James, collect the debt from Dawson; get the drycleaning to your house by five, and tell your butler Marlin not to rush on the basement repair; and lastly, tell Dani you’re cancelling the Cuban appointment.” And you have no clue what this “Cuban” appointment is. Darn, Lloyd does keep a whole lot of secrets from you, “Anything else, Mr. Hansen?”

Fuck.

He sounds like fucking Cinderella’s stepmom dumping beans into the fireplace. Since when did he get off on ordering you around doing meaningless chores? He could perfectly do them himself, not to mention some of the biddings he has just told you were unnecessary – the basement repair? It was a damn doorknob getting stuck, not a pipeline that leaks like a faucet.

“Claire’s not here, take Avik with you.” He grumbles, returning to his office and slamming the door shut.

Avik is a silent, tanned man who often acts as Lloyd’s muscle. He emerges from thin air – or probably from some corner, standing rigidly behind you like a statue.

“Hey Avik, mind if I drive?” You put a warm smile on your face, swinging the car key on your finger.

Avik merely nods, gesturing that he’ll walk in front of you.

After picking up Lloyd’s drycleaning and telling Marlin the exact words from Lloyd's mouth, you head off to your next assignment.

Dani.

Dani is a woman approximately your age, speaks fluent Spanish, English, and Italian, probably a couple of other languages that you couldn’t understand too, and rumored to be Lloyd’s ex.

She is a charming lady living in a mansion away from the glamourous nightlife of LA, but not shy of parties. In fact, you’ve accompanied Lloyd to a few that she hosts, and if you ever need a party planner, she would be your No. 1 choice – if you can afford it.

You tap on the steering wheel somewhat anxiously, checking your watch. It’s five to six, and Dani’s residence is halfway across the city, and you have yet to finish the job that Lloyd told you to.

It feels like double standards when you explicitly told Allie that your date cannot be late.

Dani’s lovely butler, Mrs. Santos invited you in, leading you to the guest room.

“To what do I own this honor of having Lloyd’s personal assistant arriving at my place?” Dani flips her hair and giggles.

“Lloyd has sent me to tell you that,” you still remember the strange code phrase word by word, “He’s cancelling the Cuban appointment.”

Dani carefully studies you for a moment, before bursting out laughter, “He… He said that? The Cuban appointment?”

Darn, even when she’s laughing, she’s charming as always.

“Yes.” You answer her question, “If there’s no message you want me to forward to him, I’ll be out of your hair.”

Dani hangs a mysterious smile on the corner of her lips, her honey-toned skin practically gleaming as she speaks, “None. But if you don’t mind me asking, do you have any plans for tonight? I want to borrow you for one of my parties – you know,” she shrugs, “connections and all that.”

Dani’s parties are always filled with delightful cocktails and exquisite people she knows from all over the world. It’s a perfect chance to refresh your connections with all sorts of people – thieves, CEOs, fences, politicians - part of the reason why she asked you to stay.

Yet, you were already booked for tonight.

“Sorry,” you politely rejected, “I’d love to, but I have a date tonight.”

“Well, you-” Dani points at you with her perfectly manicured finger, sounding cheerful, “are welcome at my place, anytime. You can bring your date here even, if you need a place to chill.”

“Thank you, Dani.” You respond, “Have fun at your party.”

Dani cocks her head to the side. The bright flashy diamond earrings peek from under her hair, swaying as if they were about to fall. She hums thoughtfully before wishing you a pleasant evening.

As soon as you step out of her estate, Dani picks up her phone and dials Lloyd’s number, “I recall a certain someone claims that he needs absolutely no help landing a girl,” She twirls her hair around her fingertips, chuckling, “the Cuban appointment, Lloyd? Wow, you must be really desperate. Now, you want me to help you sabotage her date? That I can do...”

With Lady Luck by your side, you’ve successfully reached the restaurant five minutes early with someone already at your table, while Avik sits at a table on the other side of the aisle, keeping an eye on you.

“You must be Scott.” You pull your chair to sit, trying your best to ignore the bulk of muscles on your righthand-side, watching as the young man across the table hastily puts down his water glass and stands abruptly with his face flushed.

“H… Hi.” He can barely stop the grin on his face, “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

Allie is right. He is cute.

Scott scratches the back of his head, plopping down on his seat, asking hesitantly, “If this is not too intrusive, how did you get a reservation? My friend has been dying to try this place for a week and the nearest spot available is three months later.”

“My boss is a close friend of the restaurant manager.” Lloyd practically runs this place. The manager gets scared shitless every time he needs to deliver the quarterly books to Lloyd and he asks you to do it in his place. Hence, he’s greatly in your debt. But you are not going to tell Scott you work for the largest gang in the city, so you feign your interest and ask, “What about you? Allie didn’t tell me what you do for a living.”

His face goes flushed pink again, “I uh… I work as an assistant curator,” he adds, “but I paint.”

“Oh really? That sounds fun. What do you paint?”

Scott chats on and on about his love for contemporary art and various ways of making a beautiful moment permanent when you notice Avik stands up and leaves.

“… sorry,” you apologize to Scott, for you have missed the question he asks, having paid too much attention to the bodyguard Avik who doesn’t seem like returning, “what was that again?”

Scott shuts his mouth momentarily before managing a small smile, “I was just thinking that we should get the waiter. Is there anything you like on the menu?”

The food was divine, and the wine was savory too. Though the waiters seemed a little distracted – you guessed it was probably their boss telling them to stay away from your table for you to enjoy your date. After exchanging pleasant conversations, you know it’s time to end this lovely date.

Before getting the check and leaving, you excuse yourself to freshen up.

Scott nods with his curls bouncing.

Scott is nice.

He is smart, funny, and cute with his untamed curls.

You put on a thin layer of lipstick. Looking into the mirror, the polite smile breaks away when you watch your reflection.

Scott is a decent guy. Why don’t you like him?

A vague outline rises in your head, before evaporating.

Stop it. You tell yourself. Scott is a nice guy. You should enjoy this date.

Only when your figure disappears behind a few tables, did someone sit on your spot.

“Evening.” A moustache man traces his finger on the cup from which you drank, crossing his legs, “Scotty, right?”

Scott clenches his hand on the arm of his chair, but Avik appears quietly behind him, grabbing his shoulders to have him sit down. A hard piece of metal is pressed to the back of his head. It doesn’t take much common sense to understand that Avik has a gun pointing at him.

“Don’t get all flustered,” Lloyd pours some wine into both glasses, “I’m just here to… be nice.” A wicked grin creeps up his lips as Lloyd continues, “The woman who you’re dating tonight?”

Scott gulps, squeezing a “yeah” out of his teeth.

“That’s my girl.” Lloyd dead-pans, massaging the light smudge of your lipstick on the glass, “So, if you have any wrong idea, or any thoughts about her…” Lloyd has a cold gleam in his eyes, shakes his head and tuts, “Don’t.”

Poor Scott has his face drained of colors. His lips quivering, “I-I’m not- I don’t want to be part of this…”

“Good.” Lloyd smirks. Drinking from your glass, he licks his lips to savour the sweet honey taste of your lipstick, before giving his final order, “Now be a good boy, say your ‘nighty night’s, and get the fuck out of my turf.”

“Boss.” Avik’s eyes dart to the lavatory, signalling that you are approaching this table.

“Aaaand that’s my cue.” Lloyd stands up from the chair, looking content, “Keep this little interaction between us, will ya’?” He pouts, “I’d hate if she gets upset.”

By the time you reach this table, Scott sweats in buckets like he has just been to a sauna.

“Is everything alright?” You can’t help but ask.

“Yeah… yeah.” Scott could barely mask his trembling voice, or keep his eye contact, “I’m … feeling uncomfortable… right now.”

“Is it the food? Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

“No… I mean, I think so. The asparagus was raw.” Scott wipes the sweat off his pale face, “It’s been lovely, but …”

Your eyes dart to the table where Avik was sitting. Nope, he isn’t there. For a second you thought that Avik might have terrorized Scott into backing out. Such a stupid idea, why would Avik do that? You throw this thought to the back of your head, before suggesting if Scott needs a lift home, or to the hospital.

Scott nearly jumps from his spot upon hearing the offer, which confuses you as he avoids speaking or looking at you, as if you were a plague.

He takes his belongings, bids you good night before sprinting out of the restaurant.

What the fuck have you done???

You trouble yourself with the question when Avik returns to your side without a single sound, “Avik, I was wondering where you’ve been.”

“The backroom where I can observe the surveillance footage, ma’am.” His voice booms, “Shall I drive you home?”

“Yes, I suppose.” You sigh.

Avik gestures for you to walk, but you stop in your tracks.

“Avik?”

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“Did you have any food yet?”

You did not see him ordering anything when he was sitting across the aisle, nor do you believe that he’d risk losing his job over some half-cooked asparagus.

“… No Ma’am.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. The exhaustion of trying to satisfy Lloyd’s tasks and doubting whether he’s being paranoid again takes over you for so long, you seem to lose a little bit of human emotions – neglecting dutiful Avik, as a result.

“Sorry about that, Avik.” You apologize, feeling slightly better that you’ve come to your senses after a long day, “I’ll have them prepare something vegan for takeaway.”

“…thank you, Ma’am.”

Grabbing a waiter passing by, you tell him about your request, before resting on your chair.

Out of sheer boredom, you tap on your glass, scraping the lipstick smudge off the crystal-clear surface with a used napkin.

Avik coughs as if he has just choked on his own spit.

“Everything alright, Avik?”

It seems like you’ve said this for the second time tonight.

“Yes. Ahem. Yes, all is well.” Avik clears his throat uncomfortably.

“Because you can totally have tonight off. I’m more than capable of driving home myself.” You offer sweetly, expecting him to take the suggestion and leave you here.

“Thank you, Ma’am.” Avik replies rigidly, his shirt collar tightening around his tanned skin as he speaks, “Thank you, but your safety is my priority.”

You should have known better than to negotiate with Lloyd’s muscle. They follow his orders like workers around a queen bee. Pursing your lips together, you decide not to spend time bargaining with Avik, but scroll on social media to distract yourself.

Avik lets out a long, slow exhale when you are focusing on your phone. He’s great at bodyguarding, but terrible at being a double agent.

The takeaway package arrives shortly – or it could be you are too tied up in the TikTok drama to notice time slipping away from the tip of your fingers. Avik takes the wheel while you sit in the back, trying hard not to think about the sudden change in Scott’s attitude.

It’s not like you don’t enjoy Scott’s company. You do. But Scott’s dashing out of the restaurant leaves a certain impression that you don’t think you’d forget anytime soon. Maybe the food was raw. Or burned. Or he had some pills. Still, it doesn’t explain why he ran out of the place like a bloodhound was chasing him.

Or is there something wrong with you? Something he’d grow repulsive of?

“Stop the car, please.” The thoughts in your head are preventing you from breathing. With Avik’s puzzled frown in the rearview mirror, you shrug, “You can go park the car. I want to have a little walk and some fresh air.”

After what must be an internal debate in Avik’s silence, he slowly stops at the curb, agreeing for you to have your fresh air.

The street is silent, not a living soul in sight. You close your eyes and breathe in the fresh air.

Oh well, maybe the air is not so fresh after all, with the smell of gasoline and dust and … smoke?

You turn around.

Lloyd’s Rolls-Royce follows you like a toddler in small steps, with a hand outstretched from the window that flicks his cigarette stub to the curb.

“Mr. Hansen?” You could’ve been dreaming. Why would Lloyd’s car follow you? Why – “What are you doing here?”

Lloyd steps out of the vehicle, popping a peppermint into his mouth. Crushing the candy with his jaw, he mumbles, “Just having a late-night stroll.”

A ridiculous idea comes into mind, and you ask in disbelief: “Are you following me?”

“No.” Lloyd stares at you straight into your eyes, but you’ve seen him lie better, “This is my turf. And you can’t ban me from patrolling my own territory.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes.

Sure. Patrolling. Very convincing. He just happened to stumble in front of your apartment building among hundreds of thousands of streets.

“Of course.” Maybe it’s the wine, because for crying out loud you would be tongue-tied if you were to say this at work, but the sarcasm drips out of your tone like water out of a broken faucet, because you are not in the mood. At all. “Good night, Mr. Hansen.”

“I had a great night.” Since he counts the scurrying of one horny young man as a win, Lloyd casually drops, “Can’t say the same about you.”

What the heck is wrong with him?

Now it’s definitely the wine that does the talking, as you poke him square in the chest with your index finger, your voice littered with fury, “It’s after-hours, and you don’t own my after-hours, in case you don’t have a watch, okay?”

Lloyd offers his characteristic lop-sided smile, “What - you’re gonna buy me one?”

“No?!” You huff out in disbelief. Has he taken hallucinating drugs? Why on earth is he acting funny? “This is not - look, Mr. Hansen-”

Lloyd steps closer. You get that whiff of smoke from his body, and the musky cologne that he occasionally uses in rare circumstances, and your words somehow get stuck in your throat.

“Lloyd.” He pronounces his name, loud and clear, “C’mon sunshine, lllllloyd.”

Lloyd. The name rolls to the tip of your tongue. It feels natural and soft, unlike Lloyd Hansen himself. But the syllable drives your heartbeat wild. He is your boss. You are obligated to call him Mr. Hansen.

Well, maybe not obligated. But you would feel more comfortable calling him Mr. Hansen. The name Lloyd sounds like an over-step of your work relationship.

Your work. Your beloved secretary job. Which is fine. Which you enjoy, as you handle his affairs with some effort. But the name. He’s asking you to call him Lloyd and that sounds more intimate than what you should be calling your boss.

“I- ” You are at a loss of words. What does he want? Does he want you to be his mistress? Which is ridiculous, because you don’t want to be the type of canary living in a birdcage and sing for him whenever he pleases. More importantly, he cannot be having thoughts about you – or does he want this to be a one-night thing where he could pull up his pants and comment on how long since he had a good fuck?

-stop it. It’s an insane thought. He’s not interested. So are you.

You accidentally look at his eyes, and you recognize the burning desire rooting deep down. It scorches you instantly as your eyes meet, before you lower your head to avoid the demanding gaze.

“You’re my boss…” You mutter weakly, knowing well that this stupid excuse does not prevent you from enjoying (or feeling safe at) Lloyd’s presence – most of the time, when he’s not bloody or throwing punches – or from the plain fact that maybe, just maybe that you feel a little different towards him, and that for the briefest of moments, you wished that he was sitting across the dinner table tonight, taking you out on a date.

Lloyd’s expression goes still for a second.

You can’t tell whether he’s mad or upset.

He sighs, taking a step towards you to close the space between you two, before framing your face in his hands and whispering in frustration, “God, you’re so dumb.”

His lips are soft, contrary to his mean words. They land on you with a bitter taste of burned tobacco, as his tongue swipes the seam of your lips, forcing an embarrassing mewl out of you.

It felt like Lloyd and his roughness. It felt like an iceberg breaking into chucks, whales lifting their head to breathe and the dam that withholds feelings inside your head cracks. It felt … right.

He slowly breaks away the kiss, sighing again, right next to your lips, his moustache making your cheek itch.

“Am I about to get a kick in the balls?” He asks softly, nose gently rubbing on yours.

“No…no.” Not that you don’t want to, because how dares he! Following you and kissing you like that! But because your head turning into a warm mush.

“Good.” He nibbles on your lips, you can feel his lips curving into a smile, “ ’cause I kinda like them.”

“Hmm?”

“Never mind.” He lands another kiss on you before pulling away. The bad-boy grin visible on his face.

You feel like you need to say something. Anything. So, you open your mouth and: “Do you want … a cup of coffee at my place?”

Lloyd cocks his eyebrows in surprise, but there’s no way he’d let slip of this chance, “Sure, why not.”

The mush in your brain refuses to leave. Your body acts on auto-pilot, leading you away from him.

You don’t even notice that he’s not following you this time, until he calls your name out of the blue, with a hint of amusement in his tone.

“Yes, Mr. Hansen?”

Lloyd decides to let slip of your poor choice of words this time, simply pointing his thumb in the other direction: “Your home is this way.”

Taglist (Also tagging those who might be interested): @stargazingfangirl18 @sarahdonald87 @joannaliceevans-fanficblog @magnificentsaladllama @biteofcherry @petalj @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @thezombieprostitute @yiiiikesmish @warriorblu @vonalyn @notathingjustthere @lokislady82 @irishhappiness @toozmanykids @alicedopey @cakesandtom @universitypenguin @openup-yourmind @helenaeisenhower @wilsons-striped-ties @tittittoee @bean-is-reading @yearningforsappho @esposadomd @salvatoreitmeanssaviour

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[harlowcomehome]

Canceled reservations & 24 hour flowers:

Requested by @snows-blog-of-fiction

Jack was sat with his eyes closed as he leaned his head against the firm headrest of the sprinter van. He was trying to calm himself down, using breathing techniques his therapist had suggested.

Neelam was bickering with a travel agent for the second time this morning, throwing around harsh words as a way of persuasion but getting nowhere.

Urban could see Jack's jaw flexing, watching as he cracked his knuckles for a second time. He knew you’d be disappointed that Jack wouldn’t be home on time but he knew you’d rather him be safe. He also knew that Jack would stop at nothing to get home and he was more than willing to intervene if Neelam didn’t figure it out soon.

“It’s fine Neelam, I’ll let y/n know to cancel the reservations. It’s fine” he shrugged, taking his phone out of his tight jean pocket to call you.

The van pulled up to the hotel and Jack waited for nobody, annoyed at the circumstances as he stepped inside and called you.

Your eager voice on the other end practically ripped his heart out of his chest. The guilt was practically swallowing him whole.

“Baby, I’m not going to make it home in time for our reservations. I’m sorry” he practically said each word together as he swallowed harshly after getting it all out.

“What happened Jack? You promised.” You were sad, and he could tell by your voice break. You felt a sense of guilt for laying the disappointment on so thick but you weren’t able to easily hide your emotions.

“I’m going to try and make it home as soon as I can okay? Let me call you back. I love you” he waited for you to say you loved him back before hanging up and rushing over to Neelam who was getting a hotel room for all of them to wait in.

“Neelam, I need you to figure this out” he sighed as they walked into the hotel room together to wait.

“I’m doing all that I can” Neelam was growing frustrated by the conversation feeling like her efforts weren’t appreciated.

Jack was impatient, and Urban understood his frustrations completely.

This was your second Valentine’s Day together and he promised it would be better than the first. His work schedule conflicting with that one as well and Jack hated disappointing you.

Urban excused himself to make a few calls, eventually entering the room again to speak with Jack and Neelam. “I got Cole to let us use his jet. If we go now we won’t get to Kentucky until 6:00 but it’s better than not at all.”

Jack stood up and hugged Urban before the three of them made their way to the airport.

“I owe you” Jack smiled, at his best friend as they left to the airport.

Meanwhile, you walked around your house feeling gloomy. You had canceled the reservation to the restaurant, apologizing profusely on Jack's behalf and letting them know you’d be rescheduling soon.

Jack had stopped replying to your texts, and you assumed that he was still trying to figure things out, but you weren’t sure how you wanted to pass the time.

Eventually, you placed a delivery order for some decorations and groceries, knowing he was going to be starving when he came home. You were going to make the most of tonight no matter the circumstance.

You set up pillows and blankets in the living room, making a makeshift fort with them for a relaxing night in.

As soon as your order arrived you went to the kitchen immediately and started to make steak fajitas knowing they were one of his favorite things you made. You set out a hot pink tablecloth and cute heart shaped plates and napkins.

You were almost finished making dinner when Jack got home, the sound of his keys in the door catching your attention.

Jack was holding a bouquet in one hand and his luggage in the other.

“Babe?” You turned the corner to see him standing there, out of breath.

“I hurried home as fast as I could and I know these flowers aren’t the best because I got them from an airport vending machine and I’m sorry but- wait, what’s that smell?”

“I’m making steak fajitas” you giggled, watching him with eyes of adoration. The flowers may have been wilted but they were still perfect to you and so was he.

“How did you know I’d make it home tonight?”

“Because I know you. You were going to find a way” you smiled sweetly, walking over to him and planting a kiss on his lips.

“Happy Valentine’s Day baby” he mumbled between kisses.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

#Jack Harlow #valentines day concepts #Jack Harlow x reader #jack harlow imagines #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow blurb #fic requests

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to bother my best friend after getting stranded in his state?

I (19NB) recently took a birthday vacation with my mom to visit my online best friend and platonic partner (20NB) IRL for the first time. I had a lot of fun and made a lot of fun memories, and he was really accommodating of all of my physical disabilities. We'd been best friends for around two years before this, and neither of us had any real IRL friends so doing stuff together in-person was really fun.

I was going to stay a few nights at my friend's place, go to my mom's hotel room the night before our flight back home, and take an Uber to the airport. That was our plan.

The day before I was to depart, my flight back home had been cancelled. No problem, I would just reschedule to come back home a couple days later and my mom agreed to it.

Now, I didn't agree with my friend to spend any more time with him than we had already planned. He has two working parents and he has college to attend as well. I was going to spend the rest of my time on vacation with my mom unless he wanted to spend extra time with me when he was free to.

While on vacation, the airline cancelled my flight home again and there were no more flights back. This came out of nowhere, and I had to update my mom and my friend that I was staying longer in his state than expected. We scheduled another flight from a different airline, but now our vacation has been extended by, like, two-three days extra. So I spent the extra days with my mom at her hotel room.

My mom argued that my friend and his parents were being unfair to me by not letting me stay at their house during the extra days we were stuck here since they only lived twelve minutes away.

I argued that it would be rude of me to interrupt someone's schedule just to keep me entertained, especially since we didn't agree to spend this extra time together. He and his family were busy and it wasn't their responsibility to spend time with me even if it was my birthday vacation.

My mom got upset and demanded that I call my friend and ask to stay at his house since it was 'the least they could do for us while we were stuck here'. He was busy that day, and I felt very embarrassed for asking, even if it was just to make my mom calm down.

The next day, my mom once again got angry that, according to her, 'we were wasting our vacation' by not spending time with him, and essentially forced me to ask again. This time, he agreed. It was still fun, obviously, but I apologized the whole time and it felt a bit awkward since I didn't really plan on spending extra time with him.

My mom still thinks that I should've asked to hang out more than I did, but this is someone I already spend several hours a week calling on Discord with. It felt very unfair to me to spend time with someone out of obligation rather than genuinely wanting to. Luckily we did end up enjoying that extra time together, but both of us were initially reluctant about it.

I understand where my mom's frustrations came from, given that the point of the vacation was to spend time with him. My mom paid for the vacation as a birthday present for me, which is why I'm unsure if I'm the asshole or not.

So, was I the asshole for not fighting to spend extra time with my platonic partner/best friend?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[builtbybrokenbells]

Gold Dust Woman | xii

With exhaustion catching up and her willpower running low, y/n finally seems to make some progress in her quest to find peace.

Read part eleven here

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader, Sam Kiszka x f!reader, Danny Wagner x OC

Word Count: 12.5k

Warnings: angst, long emotional talks, swearing, crying, sickness (throwing up), feelings of guilt/regret, love triangle, mentions of pregnancy/pregnancy scares, mentions of unprotected sex, swearing, sorry if i miss any!

hi everyone, getting close to the end now. buckle in for the rest of the ride 🫶🏻 thanks for the love and for sticking with me this long. as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes! (Lightly edited so please forgive me)

“We are late.” Aaron said, ushering you through the doors of the airport. “Like, late late. We’ll be lucky if we’re there in time for soundcheck.” He was stressing, you could hear the panic in his voice even if he was trying his best to keep calm. You checked your watch, not finding the energy within yourself to match his concern. “Drop off your bags and get to the gate; we don’t have any time to spare.”

“Yes, sir.” You chuckled in attempt to ease the tension. He shot you a pointed glare, one that was not menacing but rather cemented his seriousness. “Got it,” you nodded, biting back a smile. As much as Aaron wanted to be a hard-ass, you always had a difficult time viewing him as a manager rather than a friend. Of course, he was fantastic at his job, but being around him so much had shifted the dynamic between you. In the beginning, it felt like walking on eggshells, like if you messed up, you would be sent home with nothing but the clothes on your back. Now, after drinking with him so often and getting to know him so well, you considered him just as close as your own band members or the brothers in the band you were touring with. Once you adapted to the tour life, you realized that everyone along with you was just the same as family, mostly because they were the only thing you had while on the road all of the time.

You all dropped your bags off at the appropriate place, grouping together as you moved through security. Your original flight was postponed due to poor weather, and until Aaron had a time and a plan that was set in stone, he was nearly inconsolable. You all had went to breakfast, hoping to pass the time until your rescheduled flight was boarding, but the whole time he seemed so sick with worry that he couldn’t eat. In truth, you were not that far behind schedule and you would definitely make it to the venue with plenty of time to spare. Of course, you could not explain that to him without calling him on his dramatic tendencies. In his eyes, if you weren’t six hours early, you were worse than late.

Even if it was annoying by times, it was a good trait for a manager to have. He always took any possible delays into consideration, and he was the reason that you all knew where you were going and when you had to be there. Without him, the tour would not have made it past the first city, but you were worried he might put himself into cardiac arrest from the sheer amount of stress he was holding on to. As you sat down to wait for the plane to board, you finished the last of your energy drink and tossed the can into a nearby trash can. You checked your watch again, already counting down the minutes until you were on the plane. As much as your enjoyed touring and playing music, flying was still something you couldn’t seem to get used to.

“You okay? You seem a little pale.” Danny asked from the seat beside you. You turned to look at him, confused at the question.

“Yeah, I think so.” You laughed. “Tired, I guess. Not thrilled about flying, but I’m okay.” He gave a slow nod, continuing his stare in hopes that you would keep talking. You raised an eyebrow, unsure of where his concern was coming from.

“The other night still bothering you?” He lowered his voice, making sure that you were the only one who could hear him. The words hit you like a ton of bricks, startling you from the sound alone. You had yet to speak of the incident that went down at the venue, and you weren’t keen on starting. Your eyes flickered to Jake who was standing next to his twin and lost in chatter. In the blinding airport light, the bruise on his cheek was as clear as day. You were sickened at the sight, noticing that it had finally began to yellow and fade. The cut on his lip was barely noticeable, now, but it was prominent enough for you to shudder at the sight. Perhaps it was not the sight that bothered you so much, but the memory of how he attained the injury.

You then looked to Sam, who was laughing alongside your own bassist. His nose was fine, but his undereye was still purple and angry looking. The smile on his face contradicted his injury, but you could tell that his eyes were not shining as bright as they used to. They both lost a piece of themselves to the flying fists that night at the venue, even if they were electing to stay silent about it. You knew this because it was the same piece of you that had disappeared, the one in which cockiness and self-assurance made home. All of you had lost your confidence and were succumbing to the fear of loss. You had not spoken a word to them, and they hadn’t tried, either. You were officially stuck in stalemate, fearful of digging an even deeper hole than the one you were already stuck in.

“I’m fine,” you assured him, leaning back in your seat. You weren’t, and in reality, you weren’t even anywhere close to okay. The lie was bold, and you both knew the truth, but you were not willing to admit to it. Your stomach was sick just thinking of the memory, and it was only growing worse as you continued to talk. “I knew the consequences, right? Now it’s time to live with them.” You shrugged.

“Doesn’t mean you have to suffer.” He placed a hand on your knee, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance. “You didn’t eat much this morning.”

“What are you, my mother?” You laughed.

“Someone’s gotta take care of you.” He chuckled.

“Many try, most fail.” You joked. “Just wasn’t hungry, I guess. The eggs looked disgusting.”

“I thought they were pretty good.” He shrugged.

“Maybe I’m just picky.” You smiled, sticking your hands in the pocket of your sweater. You looked to the ground, scared to meet his eye. Every time you looked at him, you seemed to profess every pressing thought that you had been trying to keep hidden. Something about Danny was so comforting, and his company compelled you to confide in him. It wasn’t the most terrible thing, but while in an airport two feet away from the main subjects of the story, it did not seem like the best place to air out your thoughts. In addition, you had no idea where to begin. You felt responsible for the fight that had occurred between the two, and no amount of reassurances would change your mind.

Of course, you knew that the brothers had an extensive history of fighting, and that they were victims to their own routine, but it did not mean that you viewed yourself as innocent. You were angry at them for many things, but you would be the lesser person if you tried to paint yourself as an angel. Your own reckless actions and decisions had just as much impact on the situation as their cockiness. Even if the devil is persuading you to sin, it does not make it okay to follow in his footsteps, and the footsteps you were following brought you down a much more sinister path than the devil ever intended. You would be lying if you said that you were avoiding them solely because you hadn’t made a decision yet, because there was a larger part of you that felt you couldn’t face them after driving them to such violence.

Danny stood, understanding that you weren’t willing to talk yet. He would allow you to mope for another day or two, then he would pry it from you. It was just the way your friendship worked, and as much as you may have protested against it through the years, it was comforting to know someone cared so much about you. Immediately, he found himself gravitating towards Dylan, who was only just making her way towards the group. You closed your eyes, resting your head on the back of the uncomfortable plastic chair. You were tapping your foot against the ground in hopes to pass the time faster, but delay was all you knew when it came to flying. It seemed like every flight had you sitting around for some reason or another, and despite knowing that, Aaron still needed you at the airport hours before the departure time. He was like a stressed out father preparing for vacation, and although it was comical, it was also a pain in the ass.

You could feel someone’s gaze settled on you as you sat with your eyes closed, but you weren’t sure who the perpetrator was this time. It was a fifty-fifty guess, and you had never been very good at gambling. You hoped that maybe if you pretended not to notice, they would catch the hint and move on. It had become routine for you three to share longing gazes, to find courage to open your mouth, but never enough to speak the words. It was normal for you to spend nights wishing the other would approach, invested in nothing but the thought of being lovers once more.

You felt stuck, just the same as you did all the way back in the beginning, even before Jake sealed your fate that night. It was the same aching loneliness and empty longing that you felt while pining after Sam, alone in your room or even when surrounded by a crowd. The air was constantly full of tension, one that could not be broken by another nor could it be contained. It was full of hope, although feeble, and grandly misplaced. Worst of all, it was full of desperation. It was so thick that it seemed as though you doused yourself in a cologne of it every morning, shameless in your need for them. But, somehow, when it came to embarrassment that you thought you should feel for your barefaced desire, somehow you felt none. It was comforting to know that this time, it was not a one-way street, and the two boys were just as stuck as you were. You knew you should not be rejoicing at the thought of their sorrow, and in a way, you weren’t. It was not happiness that they were hurting, just solace in the fact that you were not suffering alone, albeit silently. The thought of waking up seemed less gruesome, mostly because you knew you were not the only person struggling with getting out of bed.

Drowning seems less terrifying when there’s someone there to hold your hand, but reality hadn’t seemed to set in that you were all slowly sinking to your deaths, using each other to climb above surface while ultimately pushing the others down.

It was not until a body presented itself beside you that you were broken from your own mind, but when you opened your eyes to investigate, somehow your harrowing thoughts seemed more pleasant than the awkward interaction you were facing. Sam was beside you, taking post in the chair that Danny once claimed as his own, nervously looking between you and his hands in his lap. “Hi, Sammy.” You breathed, straightening yourself up. The sound of his name on your tongue was equivalent to striking gold after digging in dirt for months. Although, the three of you never had very good perception of poison versus prosperity, and prosperity was often greatly lacking. Your gaze fell to the dark bruise still lingering under his eye, and you had the sudden temptation to reach out and touch him, to take every inch of hurt away and bear it as if it were your own.

No, you did not want to carry it like it was yours; you wanted to make it your own, just so he wouldn’t have to suffer any longer.

“I’m sorry, y/n.” He started, still afraid to meet your eye. “I should have said it long before now, but I’m sorry for everything.”

“Sam, I-“

“No,” he shook his head “just let me, please?” You watched, nervous over his frantic need to voice his apologies.

“Okay,” you agreed, trying to relax back into the seat. Comfortability did not come easy when his aura was so powerful.

“I can’t sit here and wait, anymore. I can’t sit here and watch you walk away without even trying. I don’t know if you’re going to walk away, but I have to imagine that you are, because then I know what to say to try and make you stay.” His voice was incredibly soft, like he was giving you the key to his heart and begging you not to drop it. The conversation was personal, private, and as much as he wanted to scream his love for you, he needed to treat it as such. The performance that him and his brother had put on in front of everyone was weighing heavy on him, like the greatest sin he’d ever committed. He wished that instead of feeding into his anger towards Jake, he would have stopped and considered your feelings, first. He did not regret what transpired between Jake and himself, but he did regret being the reason for the look of terror on your face. “I’m okay with space, and I’m okay with waiting forever if I have to, because for you, it’s worth it. Everything is worth it when it comes to you. I just can’t sit and wonder if you really know how much you mean to me, because I care so much that it would be a shame for you to ever second-guess it.”

“I love you.” He whispered, finally finding the courage to look up at your face. “I made a lot of mistakes, y/n. I will spend the rest of my life making up for them, even if you don’t pick me, but it does not, not even for one second, take away from how much I love you. I am so sorry for what we put you through, from the very beginning, right up until the minute that this is over. And I am so incredibly sorry for what you saw at the venue that night.” You watched his eyes, lost in the genuine adoration he was showcasing for you. “You didn’t deserve any of it. You don’t deserve anything less than wonderful, and I’ve been giving you everything except that. You can doubt whatever you want to, be mad at me for the rest of your life, or whatever you want to do, but I just need you to know that I love you, and that I am sorry.”

“I love you, Sam.” You whispered, grimacing as the words came out. As true as they were, it was hard to speak them aloud. You loved him with every ounce of your soul, and loving someone so deeply was painful just as much as it was joyous. That was a harsh reality you had come to know in your efforts to love the brothers. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t want this for us.”

“I know, y/n.” He said, channelling enough courage to reach out and take your hand. The contact nearly exploded your heart; his skin on yours electrified you like a thousand strikes of lightning. It was almost too much to handle, sometimes, because your body was still on fire even long after he parted ways. “You tried to warn me.” A small smirk upturned on his lips.

“I did, but you never listen.” You found a smile blossoming on your lips, too. It was the first genuine one that had surfaced in a long time. “Boys are so stupid.”

“I’m stupid,” he corrected “but I’m glad I am, because you’ve always been worth the fight.” Your eyes softened at his words. You weren’t sure if he was sweet talking you in hopes of swaying your decision, or if he was being genuine. When you looked at his face, soaking in all of the details, it was difficult to believe he was being anything but truthful. “No matter which way this goes, I’m grateful for the time I spent with you.”

“Me too, Sam.” You mumbled, feeling the overwhelming urge to kiss him. Every time he was in your company, you couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of wanting more. Being beside him almost wasn’t enough; you needed to feel him on you, for him to hold you and for you to hold him. You needed Sam in every way that you could possibly have him, and even though you had spent so much time avoiding him, that desire never seemed to flee you.

“Okay, guys. Let’s go.” Aaron said, his eyes fixated on the now open gate to board the flight. You broke away from Sam’s gaze, looking around to notice that everyone was now standing and making their way towards the plane. Your eyes landed on Jake, who was all but rushing to leave. His stare was fixated on you with pain engraved in his features. He was afraid that if he walked away, he would ultimately let you fall into Sam’s arms without a fight. He caught your eyes, silently pleading with you to wait for him, but it was almost unbearable to look at him for too long. When Aaron guided Jake along with him, you looked away in hopes of sparing yourself from any more heartbreak. If you had to keep watching the sad expression on his face, you were afraid you would not be able to find enough courage to get on the plane, too.

“Whatever you decide, y/n.” Sam said, pulling your attention back to him. “I’ll support it. I want you to be happy, but I can’t let you go without letting you know how much you mean to me.”

“I know, Sam.” You breathed. “I hope you know that you mean the same to me.” A smile crossed his lips at the sound of your confession. He didn’t need an answer, just reassurance that you were still thinking of him. It was blasphemous that he ever thought you would forget him, because he seemed to take up every single empty space in your brain. Forgetting about the brothers was out of the question, even if you so badly wished you could. “I don’t know what I’m doing, or even where I’m going most of the time, but I know how much I love you.”

“I’d like to kiss you, if that’s okay.” He said, completely lost in you. You were both so close to the end, and you knew that if you could just open your heart a little bit more, you could be happy with Sam. He could give you what you needed, and you knew he had the ability love you forever, but it was like you were stuck in a glass house. Through the crystal clear walls, you could see the life you were desperate to live with him, but you could not step through the barrier to get to the other side. It was torture, watching your life play out perfectly yet being unable to take it for your own. “I promise I’ll give you as much time as you need, but I just can’t leave without it.”

You leaned forward, uncaring of his reasoning behind his need to kiss you. You wanted it, and you were willing to give it to him without any persuasion or hesitation. You snaked your arm around his neck, uncomfortably bent over the arm of the chair, and pressed your lips to his. The awkward position and public display did not bother you, because the minute you were kissing him, the world felt okay again. All of the things that had been haunting you seemed to disappear in an instant, soothed by the feeling of being with him again. His hand cupped your cheek, drawing you closer while you both wished you could stay there forever.

When you parted, you were nearly crushed under the weight of your grief. Knowing that you had to walk away and leave him behind was devastating, and knowing that the situation would only worsen from there was even more terrifying. Before facing the hard decisions, he pulled you in for another. Tears were threatening to spill down your cheeks before he even broke the kiss. “We should go before Aaron realizes we’re not on the plane.” You whispered, strained by your unwillingness to end the moment.

“Right,” he muttered, lips still ghosting over your own. “Don’t think I can risk getting in trouble again.” He spoke the truth, but it did not seem like he cared. He was more than happy to get in trouble if it meant he could spend another moment alone with you.

“Mhm,” you hummed “wouldn’t want them to replace you with another bassist.”

“You really think they could replace me?” He teased. You could practically feel him smiling with how close his face was to yours.

“No,” and it was the truth. Sam was irreplaceable, and you knew that long before he ever made a home in your heart. He was one of a kind, beautiful and talented and funny all the same. He made mistakes, and in no way was he perfect, but his imperfections made him all the more remarkable. You were head over heels for Sam Kiszka, and you had to wonder why the world could not have been more kind. In another universe, you would be free to love him with no guilt, and free to live happily with him with no fear or regret. You wished you could be in that beautiful world, but for now, you had to learn how to navigate the cruel one you were stuck in. “You are worth your weight in gold, Sammy.”

“And you are, too, Gold Dust Woman.” He said. “I mean, it’s in the name, is it not?” You chuckled, letting your thumb drift over his cheek. As sweet as his statement was, the name was not right coming from him. Instead of dwelling on the thought, you kissed him once more. It was short, but it was sweet, and it was exactly what you needed to find the energy to get on the flight.

“Let’s go,” you whispered, standing up despite every molecule of your body begging you to stay seated beside him. He gave a slight nod, standing to join you.

“However long it takes, whoever you choose… I’ll still love you the same, and I’ll be happy as long as you are.” He assured you. “And if you don’t pick me, I’ll respect your decision, but I’ll always be hoping you’ll change your mind.” His honesty was gut wrenching, but you could not chastise him for speaking his truth. As much as it hurt to hear, he knew that this was one of his last opportunities to win your heart for good.

“Even if… even if things don’t work out, you’ll always have a piece of my heart, Sammy.” You mumbled as you walked towards the gate. Without waiting for a response, you boarded the plane. You could not bear to look back and see his face again, even if you wanted it more than anything else in the world. He was close behind you, but respected that the conversation had come to an end. He had gotten what he needed to keep going, and now fate was truly in your hands.

You walked down the aisle, locating your seat easily; there was an empty spot next to Dylan calling your name, and her eyes were watching with curiosity. Aaron turned look at you as you passed by, upset at your late arrival. You brushed his gaze off and continued on to your seat. You settled in with no hesitation, thankful to be in the company of someone who could speak some sense into you. You were too worked up to even care that you had an aisle seat, and too guilty about your interaction to look anyone in the eye. To top off the emotional distress, Jake was in the seat directly across the aisle from you, and he had no shame in his unwavering stare.

“What was that?” Dylan asked with blatant disregard for privacy. Her voice was clear, loud enough to be heard from neighbouring seats, and she had not one care about it. You snapped your head up to look at her, eyes warning her to lower her voice.

“I don’t know!” You whispered, distress radiating from you. “I just… he came over, and he started saying sweet things, and he was looking at me all sad, and I cracked, I guess!”

“Okay,” she said, placing a hand atop of yours. “Calm down, it’s okay. You are okay.”

“I’m not okay, Dylan.” You shook your head. “I liked it so much that I didn’t want to leave. I miss him so much that it hurts to even think about it.”

“Okay,” she nodded, repeating her earlier statement. “That’s okay. You love him; that’s not a crime.”

“It is when I feel the same way about his brother, who happens to be staring at me as we speak.” She let out a chuckle, moving slightly to see for herself.

“He’s not staring anymore.” She tried to ease your worry, but you were still vibrating with anxiety. No words she could speak would ease your panic. “Did it feel any different than before?”

“I mean… yeah, I guess. Every time I look at Sam, I just feel like I could fall in love with him forever and never worry about anything else. I’ve been in love with Sam for years, and it always seems so easy with him. Even then, when I knew I shouldn’t… loving him was so easy.” She raised an eyebrow, begging you to listen to yourself for a moment.

“Isn’t that enough of an answer for you?”

“No,” you shook your head “well, I mean, I guess… I just, I feel the same way when I look at Jake. It’s been harder to open up to him, to let him in and let him stay, but god when I do, it’s the most fantastic thing I’ve ever felt.” She gave a sad smile, listening intently as you spoke. “It’s never easy with Jake, but it’s so rewarding that the struggle doesn’t even seem to matter.”

“Yeah, you guys get along like a house on fire.” She chuckled. You nodded as you gave a tight lipped smile. The more you spoke, the more sick you felt. As comforting as it was to spend a moment alone with Sam, the guilt that was plaguing you was insufferable. “What’s wrong? You look pale.”

“Just feel sick,” you said, taking a deep breath. “Stress, probably.” You said, feeling your face start to burn. You closed your eyes, hoping that the churning in your stomach would settle. After a moment, your head began to spin, and you were more than certain the feeling was not going to pass pleasantly.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dylan asked, sitting up in her seat as she prepared to help if needed. You managed a shake of your head before springing to your feet. You bit down on the inside of your lip to distract yourself as you moved towards the bathroom. You made it just in time, thankful that it was vacant so you could suffer without interruption.

You leaned over the toilet and lost what little breakfast you had choked down earlier that morning. You sat on the floor for a moment, taking breaths to calm yourself as you wiped a layer of sweat from your forehead. Once you were certain the nausea had settled, you stood and washed your hands and then splashed your face. When you returned to your seat, the sickness was so much better that you could have forgotten you threw up in the first place. You sat back down, heaving a sigh as Dylan watched you with worry. “Do you have gum? Or gravol?” You asked.

“Both, I think.” She said, looking through her backpack by her feet. After a moment, she gave you the requested items along with a bottle of water she had in her lap. “You okay?”

“This should help.” You murmured, taking the anti-nauseant with some water. You popped a piece of gum in your mouth and handed everything back to her. “Think I’m alright, just better to be safe.”

“Have you been drinking?” She asked. You knew she had reason to be concerned, but the accusation struck a nerve in you.

“No,” you replied, tone short and clear. It was the truth, and since the incident between Jake and Sam, you had steered clear of any alcohol. You thought it best to make your decision sober, and you knew you would never come to a decision to begin with if you continued drinking like you had been.

“Okay,” she trusted you, opting to believe the answer.

“Maybe just ate something bad,” you shrugged, leaning back in your seat. “Doesn’t matter, I feel alright now. I’m gonna try and get some rest before we land.” You explained, closing your eyes before she could say another word.

“Okay, I’ll be here if you need anything.” She said, relaxing into her own seat. You popped your headphones in your ears and listened to the sound of music instead of your racing thoughts. After a few songs, the drowsiness from the medication began to take over, and you were knocked out before the plane even left the ground.

When you woke, it was to Dylan shaking your arm. Groggily, you cracked your eyes open and looked over to inquire about the disturbance. When you caught sight of the window, you noticed that you were on the ground. “Did I sleep through the whole flight?”

“Yeah, I should knock you out every time we fly. Was awfully peaceful.” She teased. You sat up, rubbing your eyes to aid in your wakefulness.

“Oh, shut up.” You grumbled, taking in a long breath. The bodies in the seats around you had begun to stand, ready for the departure from the plane. Dylan and Riley waited for you to come around before standing themselves. You rose to your feet, grabbing your carry on before filing out behind the rest of the passengers. The airport was busy, loud and filled with frantic people who had also been delayed due to the weather. Aaron intercepted the group of you, taking the front and stopping you all for a moment to hand out instructions.

You were barely listening, more or less just content going along with the flow. In truth, your mind was far too occupied with your interaction with Sam to worry about anything else. You were thinking of the heavenly things that came along with his company, the solace in his touch and the happiness that filled your heart from the sight of his face alone. Sam was always so charming, and he’d stolen your heart the minute you laid eyes on him. He never needed to try; you had fallen in love with him easier than you fell asleep at night. Through jokes and shared smiles, and the occasional touch that lingered for a moment too long, Sam had his claws so deep in you that it was no longer painful. You thought you might even miss the pain if it were to disappear.

The choice was obvious, and you knew that after your history with Sam stemming back to the very beginning, your heart had always wanted him. He hurt you, and that was obvious, but you hurt him, too. You would not truly love him if you could not forgive him for his mistakes, especially if you expected him to forgive you for your own. Loving Sam was the most simple of things, and you did it without even realizing it. You did it before he ever expected or asked for it, and that was always a heavy thought in your mind. He had the ability to make you love him by simply existing.

At the same time, every thought that pointed you in his direction fled with pain in its wake. Pain for the version of you who hurt so much over him while you believed he lacked interest, pain for the version of you who had fallen so deeply in love with Jake, and pain for Jake himself. Just when you believed you could love Sam entirely and fall into his arms, you could not ignore the same pressing feeling that arose each time. If you were meant for Sam, why had it been written in the stars to fall for Jake before you could be with him? And if you chose Sam, was it because of your fear of struggle, or because he was the right person for you? All of the questions seemed to forever float in your brain, and an answer had not yet surfaced in the mess of inquiries.

You had grown so much that you could not choke down the idea of loving solely because of logic. Before facing the daunting challenge of truly falling in love, logic and emotion existed together as one, and you could not make a decision of emotion without any logical reasoning. You loved rules and thrived from routine. You calculated your entire life down to the very last gram of your existence, and so far, it had worked perfectly for you. Numbers made sense, facts and statistics and books spoke volumes in comparison to the feeble needs of your heart, but you could no longer rely on logic. Yes, when compared on paper, each decision had pros and cons, and one certainly outweighed the other, but love can not be explained with a formula, nor could you measure emotion with a scale.

You needed to pick which boy made your heart feel at home, the one who made the world appear brighter, and the one who made you feel most like yourself. You were choosing the person who suited your needs, one who could reignite your fire when it burned out. You needed someone who would talk you down when you were too high, and pick you up when you stumbled to the ground. Logic could not explain who would emotionally fulfill you; only emotion could do that, and despite your hatred for relying on your heart, it was the only thing that could lead the way.

Unfortunately for you, you had never led a decision with your heart, nor did you have any idea how to let it take charge. You struggle resulted from your dependence on fact, and your tendency to shun your emotions. You needed to learn how to put your rules aside and accept them for how your heart saw them. Logic had no place in this battle of love, and you refused to cower to your own destructive tendencies. If you continued to think of it the way you had previously, you would think so much that you would eventually convince yourself to run. Running was no longer an option, and neither was leaving them behind. You had grown too much to succumb to your usual fears, and to prove to yourself that you had grown as much as you believed you had, you needed to face the problem head on.

That left you one option, and it was the very thing you had been avoiding for weeks; you needed to speak with Jake, and it was a conversation that was long overdue. To know, you had to open your heart once more in the same way you had opened it to Sam earlier that day. No walls, no defence, nothing. You knew you had to, but knowing you should and actually doing it are two very different things. This time, you had to push yourself forward. There was no more room for fear, because all of the waiting was doing nothing other than furthering your suffering. Even so, you decided you did not have to jump on the idea as soon as it arose, and you would allow yourself some time to sit with it before approaching him.

The ride to the venue was mostly silent as you were all attempting to conserve what little energy you had left. Flying the same day as you performed always sucked, but you had to deal with it every so often. Aaron tried his best to make the travelling as comfortable for you all as he possibly could, but every now and again things were out of his control. Thankfully, there was always people assigned to checking in to the hotels and bringing your bags to your rooms, so there was one less exhausting task to worry about. You tried not to think of the incident on the airplane, mostly because occasionally, your stomach would continue churn with unease. You wanted to chalk the sickness up to eating something bad, but nobody else seemed sick. You knew, to the core, the illness was likely stemming from the stress you had been constantly feeling for the past few weeks.

When you arrived, you all bustled inside as if you were minutes away from showtime. In reality, you were there hours earlier than expected, and Aaron had been stressing for no real reason. “Give us an hour to get your instruments set up.” Aaron said, already walking past you to rush to the stage.

“Take your time,” you assured him, laughing at his frantic attitude. You looked around, eyeing the names on the doors of the dressing rooms to locate your own. Yours was stuck in the middle of everyone else’s, but it did not bother you too much. When you opened the door and saw the luxury of the inside, the placement was the least of your worries. There were couches, a mini fridge that you knew was stocked with plenty of beverages, and a private bathroom connected to the main room. When you walked in further, you noticed that there was even a shower inside. You sat your bag on the couch and collapsed beside it, exhausted despite your slumber on the flight.

You closed your eyes, relaxing into the cushions in hopes of catching a few more minutes of sleep before the busy night ahead. Just as you thought you might be comfortable enough to drift off, a knock sounded on your door. You cracked one eye open, expecting Dylan or Danny (or both, which seemed to be happening much more often than not) to be standing before you. Instead, your heart sped at the stony expression that Jake was holding on his face. You straightened in your seat, opening both eyes to let him know you were alert. He didn’t speak, clearly waiting for an invitation, but you were far too anxious to grant him permission to enter.

Silence had become such a common occurrence between you two that words almost seemed foreign. It was easier to hold back than it was to give in, and that’s what made loving Jake so difficult. You did not know what to say to him, or if he even wanted to hear it. The only thing you did know was that there was no words that could ease the pain the pair of you were holding in your hearts. You did notice he looked tired, similar to yourself. He was closer to you than he had been in days, and despite your refrain, you could practically feel his hands on you already. The only thing holding you back from loving him was your own fears, and as the seconds dwindled down, they were growing more distant.

His posture was rigid, like he had lost all of the comfortability he used to feel with you. It hurt you to see him present himself as a stranger, especially after opening your hearts to each other in such a profound way, but you understood why he was doing it, mostly because you felt the same. The air was different since your separation, and not in any pleasant manner. The world was colder, dimmer, and less exciting. Jake had barely done as much as look in your direction since the altercation between him and his brother, likely due to his regret for taking things too far. You knew you had to push your boundaries, to take the step and speak to him, but doing was much different than knowing, and you were terrified of confrontation.

“Can I come in?” He finally asked, tone quiet as if he were scared of bothering you.

“Of course you can, Jake.” Speaking somehow seemed less terrifying once he initiated it, but it was still far from easy. “Close the door.” You added, nodding to the only thing separating you from seclusion with him. He did as you asked, stepping inside and gently closing the door behind him. Once he did, he stood near the exit as if he forgot your permissive statement entirely. “You can come sit, if you want.”

“Okay,” he said, approaching you on the couch. You had never seen him so timid; sure, Jake had been very emotional around you. You had seen anger, sweetness, hurt, and even a flash of sadness every now and again, but never once had you seen him so reserved and shy. He took a seat beside you, leaving a generous amount of space between your bodies. “I just wanted to apologize,”

“For what?”

“For being an asshole.” He jumped straight to the point, finding no need to dance around the subject. “I never should have said that stuff in front of everyone. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It happened,” you shrugged. “I’m not innocent, either.” You both fell into a silence, neither knowing how to continue from there. You had no idea why it was so difficult to open yourself to him, and no idea why after so long, it was still the hardest thing to do with him. You both sat, avoiding looking to each other while you hoped the other would speak first. You were stuck in a terrible limbo, and you didn’t know if you would ever be able to break it.

“It’s been a while since we talked. I guess I just wanted to know how you were doing.” His tone was flat, no emotion bleeding through. You could tell the formality was not what he wanted from the conversation, but he was unsure of how to approach you.

“Tell me the truth,” you said, glancing over at him from the corner of your eye.

“What?” He questioned, his demeanour shifting. “That is the truth.”

“Christ Jake, give it up.” You turned to face him. “Put your ego down for a second; it’s okay to be honest, it’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to feel things.” You caught his eye, holding his stare. “It’s okay to be weak around me, because god knows I am when I’m around you.” His eyes flickered nervously between your face and the floor, feeling cornered into a confession. Jake did not enjoy when the power was not in his hands, but he had been learning to get used to it, because it never was when he was around you.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “I saw you and Sam at the airport.”

“I know.”

“It sucked, y/n.” He finally said, feeling the weight of his words begin to fill the air in the room. “It fucking sucks, because you said that you needed space. It’s fine if you do, I don’t mind, but I think it’s unfair for you to ignore me and talk to him. It seems like the only space you need is from me, so if you’ve made up your mind, I need to know.”

“You think I’d do that to you?” You asked, hurt evident in your rebuttal. When he caught sight of the pain in your eye, he had to look away just to keep his composure.

“No,” he shook his head, voice quiet once more. “I don’t.”

“Then why would you say it?” You questioned, but before he had time to answer, the walls of defence you held came down with a booming sound. You had promised not to walk into this confrontation with defence, and you had done exactly what you swore not to do. “Why are we fighting, Jake?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“It seems like it’s all we know how to do.” You mumbled. “We’ve always got our guard up, even when we’re happy. I don’t know how to let you in, and you don’t know, either.”

“We know how to do more than fight,” he corrected, looking back to meet your face. “We just won’t let ourselves do it.”

“I’m so scared of breaking my own heart that it paralyses me, and I’m so scared of breaking yours that it kills me.” You admitted.

“I am, too.” He muttered. “I don’t want to hurt you, Gold Dust Woman. All I ever wanted to do was love you, but I’m not very good at it.” The sadness in his face was gutting, and you believed that you would never be able to love him enough to take that away.

“You need to give yourself credit where credit is due, Jacob.” You whispered, holding his gaze. “You told me that intimacy isn’t easy, and you were right. Just because it’s been hard doesn’t mean it hasn’t been worth it.” A glimmer of hope flashed in his eyes, making him believe that there truly was a part of you that still felt the same for him as he did for you. In that moment, you felt like your whole world came crashing down around you. The sickness returned, and your heart was erratic in your chest. You had been so caught up in your own inability to face your emotions that you had failed to understand how badly Jake was struggling with the same things. He was not one to give his heart away freely, nor one to give someone else any power over him. He was elusive, quiet and meticulous about almost everything in his life. Jake may have thrown you off course by making you fall in love with him, but you had uprooted his entire life. He was facing parts of himself that he never had before, and he was terrified of the possibility of losing you after so much time spent growing comfortable with you.

“It’s not, and I think when I said that, I was trying to convince myself of that, too.” He let out a low chuckle, thinking back to the simple memory. “I wanted to do it all right for you, y/n, but I feel like I’ve been doing everything wrong.”

“You don’t have to be apologetic for the way things happened. You did what you thought was best at the time, and so did everyone we. We all contributed to this, and we’ll all see the same consequences no matter how it turns out.” You reached over, slipping your hand in his. He was shocked at the sudden touch, but welcomed it immediately. “I still feel the same way about you, Jake. Just because things aren’t the same as they were last month, doesn’t mean that I’m any different than who I was a month ago. As much as I wish I was sometimes, I’m not.”

“I guess was the jealous one, this time.” A small smile was pulling at his lips.

“That’s what happens when you love someone.” You felt a smile growing to match his own.

“I do love you, Gold Dust Woman.” Neither of you could hide the elation in your features, finally content to be alone with each other again.

“And I love you, Jake.” The confession which once seemed to cause so much fear within you slipped out easier than ever before. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, yet, but you’ll be the first to know when the time comes.” He nodded, understanding better now that he was hearing the words. No matter what the situation or who the person in question was, common sense is not enough when you’ve spent weeks stuck in your own head. Rationality was a stranger to all of you, and insanity was growing closer every day.

“I respect it,” he said “thank you for being honest.”

“Lying to you has never been an option for me.” You let out a small laugh.

“‘Cause you suck at it.” He joined in, genuine happiness radiating from him. You nodded, another laugh finding you as you gave him a silent agreement. “It’s okay if you need more time, but can I have ten minutes? Just to help me get through it.”

“Nine and a half, but you have to buy me a drink the next time we go to the bar.” You joked. The smile never left his face as he replied without hesitation.

“I’ll buy you drinks for the rest of your life if it makes you happy.” Although the moment was humorous, the truth behind his words was evident.

“Ten minutes,” you agreed, nodding your head. You knew that it was not the best idea, but you needed it just as badly as he did. He checked his watch, noting the time before he made any moves.

“Come here,” he said, a new surge of energy washing over him. Before you could comprehend his words, he had reached over and snaked his arm around you. With little struggle, he pulled you into his lap. You settled in with ease, as if you were always meant to be there. “Ten minutes.” He said, pondering the statement as if it was opening his mind to endless possibilities. “We can do a lot in ten minutes.”

“Watch it,” you warned, immediately recognizing the mischief in his eye.

“I know, I’m kidding.” He assured you, resting his hands on your hips. The touch was fantastic, leaving your skin tingling from the feeling alone. “I’m perfectly fine staying like this.” You didn’t need to say it, but he knew you felt just the same. Now that you were so close to him, you could see the extend of the damage left on his face by his brothers hands. Cautiously, you reached up, running your thumb over the bruise still lingering on his jaw. His eyes fluttered closed, knowing why you felt the need to touch him, yet too enthralled in the feeling to care about it.

“It’s my fault,” you whispered, tracing gently over the damaged skin. His eyes opened, looking up at you with a heavy lidded gaze.

“No,” he shook his head gently. “Don’t say that.”

“It is, though. I should never have let things go this far. If I could just make up my mind, maybe we wouldn’t be here.”

“Exactly; we might not be here, and I can’t think of a worse idea.” He turned his head to the side, pressing a soft kiss to your finger. “I’d take a million punches if it meant I could have one second with you, like this.”

“You shouldn’t be so willing to take a hit for anyone, Jake. Especially not me.” You flattened your hand against his face, cupping his cheek in your palm. You let your thumb drift over the soft skin, savouring the feeling of him while you still could.

“Especially not you?” He questioned, unbelieving of your words. “Gold Dust Woman, you are worth so much more than you think. This world is only right when you’re in it, and I swear that sometimes when I look at the sky at night, those stars shine just for you.” He said, lifting his hand to brush the hair from your face. “I don’t regret anything, and I would do it all over again just to get the chance to be with you, even if you don’t pick me. Being hurt by you is a privilege, and it’s much better than not knowing you at all.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Jake.” You whispered. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

“I know,” he said, leaning forward and resting his forehead on your own. “You don’t have to worry about hurting anyone, y/n. We knew the risks, and we know that you’re worth it, no matter how it ends. I know that I can’t make you choose me, and if you don’t want to, that’s okay. But, I’m in this until the end, and I really hope you do.”

“I wish I could give you an answer, Jake.” You felt horrible for not knowing, and even worse that you were allowing him such intimacy while both of you were aware that you might not end up together.

“I can wait,” he promised. “I’d wait forever for you, if I had to.” He leaned forward, letting his lips ghost over your own. “I love you, Gold Dust Woman.” You did not have the willpower to shy away from the advance. You wanted him so badly that all other rationale no longer existed.

“I love you, Jake.” You closed the gap between you, pulling him into a kiss that showcased all of the emotion you had been holding back. It was passionate and desperate, yet sweet all at once. It was not picturesque or anything like the movies, but it was perfect for you and Jake. Your relationship had been far from ideal, but you could not argue the fact of enjoyment, because every minute you were lucky enough to spend with him was worth the pain.

Before you two were ready to part, another knock sounded on the door of your dressing room. At first, you ignored the sound. You were too caught up in Jake to care about anyone else. When the knock sounded a second time, louder and more imminent, you broke the kiss with a scowl on your face. He chuckled at your expression, head still spinning from the feeling of your lips on his. It didn’t matter to him that he had to go, because he was leaving with a far better attitude than when he arrived. Much like his brother, he just needed to know you still cared, and hearing you say ‘I love you’ was more than enough to brighten his spirits.

“I think my ten minutes are up, anyway.” He said, eyes glancing at the clock hanging on the wall.

“I don’t care about the ten stupid minutes,” you breathed, desperate for him to stay. “I was never going to kick you out in the first place.” He knew it, and so did you, but he opted not to point out the obvious.

“It wouldn’t be fair for me to stay, now would it?” He chuckled. “As much as I’d like to, it’s probably time for soundcheck. I wouldn’t want to stress Aaron out any more. I’m scared he might have a heart attack.” A third knock struck a nerve in you, now genuinely angry at whoever was standing on the other side of the door. “It’s okay, Gold Dust Woman. I’ll be here whenever you need me.” You nodded, knowing that his departure was for the best, even if the thought of being without him again was sickening. He helped you to your feet, waiting for you to lead the way to the door, but you refused to budge. After a second, you pulled him into a hug, laying your head on his chest as you held him tightly to you. He rested one hand on the back of your head and let the other fall on your lower back. Hugging was not something the two of you did very often, but in light of what could happen, you wanted to cherish any intimacy with him as humanly possible. He leaned down and placed a kiss to the top of your head before you stepped away.

“You’re going to do fantastic tonight, sweetheart.” He said, strained from his unwillingness to let go. “I’ll be on the sidelines cheering the loudest, like always.”

“Thanks for stopping by, Jake. I can’t wait to see you play.”

“I’ll be playing for you,” he reminded, giving you a smile. You didn’t say it, but you hoped that he knew you always played for him, too. Without any other words, you both walked towards the door. The knocking had ceased, and you assumed that the person had likely taken the hint. When you turned the knob to allow Jake to leave, you nearly jumped out of your skin in shock at the sight of a body standing in the way. You felt your cheeks redden, embarrassed over being caught with both brothers after swearing to keep your distance. Jake cleared his throat, muttering a small excuse as to why he needed to leave before slipping into the hallway and out of sight.

“You’re a busy lady, today.” Dylan smirked, forgoing any greeting and walking into your room without invitation.

“Did you come over just to patronize me?” You asked, swinging the door shut behind her. Even if you did not verbally grant her permission to come inside, she knew she was always welcome.

“No, I actually came over for a reason, this time, not just to bother you.”

“That’s a surprise.” You muttered, turning to face her. She was holding a bag in her hand that looked to be from a nearby convenience store. Once she knew she had your attention, she pulled a box from the bag and tossed it on the table beside the couch. You looked down at the item, wondering what she thought was so imminent. When your eyes settled on the pink packaging, your head tilted to the side in confusion. “For me, or you?”

“You.” She said, sitting on the couch and crossing her legs.

“Why?” You asked, not trying to be rude but completely missing her point. She rolled her eyes but didn’t chastise you for your ignorance.

“You threw up today.” She replied as if it was obvious. “I’ve only ever seen you do that when you’re drunk, and I’ve known you since you moved to Nashville. You don’t seem very sick,” A prickle of fear ran through you, but you didn’t want to let anxiety get the best of you. You listened while she spoke while trying to calm yourself at the same time. “And I want to believe you when you say that you’re not drinking, so this is my second best guess.”

“It’s probably just stress, Dylan.” You brushed her off despite knowing that she had a very good point. “Or bad food; we’ve been eating takeout for weeks.” You were doing anything to find an excuse, because the alternatives seemed much better than the idea she was presenting.

“Nobody else is sick, babe.” She reminded, nodding towards the pregnancy test. “Is there a chance you could be?” You looked from her to the box, unable to give her a verbal answer. Your silence spoke louder than any words, and you both knew that it was in your best interest to comply with her request. “Better safe than sorry.”

“Okay.” You breathed, taking a step forward to grab the test.

“I can come in with you, if you want.” She offered.

“Okay.” You reiterated your previous statement, now too choked with fear to speak anything other than single word answers. Silently, she followed you into the bathroom, taking a seat on the counter to give you a shred of privacy while you did your business. When you finished, you capped the test and set it face down on the counter by the sink. You washed your hands and backed up against the wall, slowly sliding down into a sitting position. You pulled your knees to your chest and rested your chin on your legs, staring down at the floor while your stomach churned with unease.

“Talk to me.” Dylan offered, noticing your state of panic, even if you were being silent about it. She knew you so well that she could tell your mood even from another room.

“I’m just nervous, I guess. You’re right, and what you said makes sense, but I can not be pregnant right now.” You chuckled, but the scene was far from funny. “I take birth control; I thought I’d be fine. Guess I should have been more careful.”

“Do you…” she trailed off, unsure if she wanted to ask you the pressing question. “If it’s positive, do you know who’s it is?” You kept your eyes on the floor, counting back the days in your head. The more you thought, the more panicked you felt. You had been so caught up in your feelings about the brothers that you had failed to notice that your own body was screaming for attention. You were late for your period, and approximately two weeks prior would have been the same time as your first professions of love to the boys. With no comfort at all, you had to recall the nights you spent with them, reckless and careless in your endeavours. Although, the entire time you had spent with them had been careless and reckless; this instance just happened to be more catastrophic.

“No,” you shook your head. “Could be either of them.” You said, running a hand through your hair.

“If it’s positive,” she reinforced her words, making sure you knew that this was all hypothetical and it could be a false alarm. “Who would you rather do this with?”

“That’s a loaded question.” You scoffed, unable to even begin decoding the answer.

“It doesn’t have to be, y/n.” She said, shaking her head at your constant need to second guess yourself. “You have to stop looking at everything the same way. When you think of this: the rest of your life, all of the challenges and the obstacles, but all of the memories and the happiness, too; who can you picture beside you, helping you through it all? Don’t dwell on it, just the first one that pops in your head. The longer you sit with it, the harder it gets. You can weigh the pros and cons for the rest of your life and neither will come out on top. I’m not asking you to choose between them, I just need you to tell me who comes to mind before anything or anyone else.” She explained, just as frustrated as you were. She hated seeing you suffering, but she knew that without a push, you would never draw a conclusion on your own.

“So, I’m going to ask you again. When you picture the rest of your life, who is the first person that you think of?” You looked up, tears brimming your eyes as you watched her. The word stayed stuck in your throat as you tried to force it back down, but this time you could not seem to fight it. The answer was there; it was the same one you knew existed all along, and it was begging to be told. You may have been too cowardly to submit to it, but it had been staring you in the face since the very beginning.

“Sam.” You uttered, knowing deep in your heart that you meant it. She had tricked you into choosing, making you believe that her inquiry was not one of finality, but it was. Relief flooded both of your faces as soon as the name left your lips, and you felt a ton of weight lift from your shoulders. “It’s always been Sam, Dylan. Even before Jake came into the picture. I’ve been in love with him since the day I met him, and I think I’ll be in love with him for the rest of my life.”

“There you go,” she whispered, a smile creeping onto her lips.

“I love Jake, and I know that losing him is going to be devastating, but it’s always been so easy with Sam. Jake and I care a lot about each other, but we have no idea how to deal with that. We’re hot headed, and we fight, and we’ve been trying to figure out how to love someone all while being in love at the same time. It’s complicated, and it’s painful more that it’s pleasurable. I know that a life with him could be great, fantastic even, but it could also be catastrophic.”

“I know you care about him, y/n. You don’t have to try and convince me.”

“I know… maybe I’m trying to convince myself.” You sighed. “I’ve spent this entire time worried that if I picked Sam, I would be doing it because it’s the easy way out. I don’t think it is, Dylan. You can’t just love someone for so long and then let them go. There’s so much history, and so much simplicity. It’s easy existing with Sam, it’s comfortable, and it’s enjoyable. I don’t think picking him is the easy way out; it feels right. After all this time, and all of this hurt… I just feel like he’s the one who I could spend my life with. It would be a great life, never too complicated, and happy.” You said the word again, almost like you couldn’t believe you might actually have a shot at happiness. The pain had been so extensive for so long that happiness had forever seemed just slightly out of reach, and you were ready to take it for you own. The power was back in your hands, coursing through you and giving you strength that you no longer believed you had. “I loved him before I even knew I was capable of love, and that has to speak for itself. I love Jake, I really do, but I can’t help but think if I choose him, I’m setting myself up for heartbreak again.”

“I’m proud of you.” She said, not uttering a disagreement or approval. She needed you to be sure of yourself, for you to pick the right person for you, and it felt like you had. Finally, after months of back and forth, the exhaustion was beginning to wear off. “Let’s see what that says.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, slowly climbing to your feet. You took a deep breath in, the first in a while where you felt like nothing was weighing you down. You reached out to the counter and flipped the flimsy plastic stick around. You let your eyes settle on the window that would ultimately seal your fate, hand shaking as you raised it closer to your face. You studied it for what felt like an eternity, then eventually flashed it in her direction. She did the same, looking between you and the test, waiting for you to speak it aloud. You turned it towards your face once more, just to be certain that you read it right. You let out a long exhale, closing your eyes as you spoke it aloud. “It’s negative.”

“It is.” She agreed.

“So all of the panic was for nothing?” You chuckled, tossing the test back on the counter. It clattered against the surface, sending a pathetic thud through the air.

“Not for nothing, y/n. I’d say it was well worth our time.” You looked at yourself in the mirror, carefully inspecting your reflection. The woman who was staring back at you was changed, far from the one who used to look at you. This one was tired, but she was strong, and she was not different in the bad ways that you predicted she would be. She was capable and brave, facing up to challenges she never thought she could handle. She was tending to old wounds, ones that had not healed even years after the damage was done. She knew how to love, and she knew how to care, and she knew how to open herself up to a world that she previously would have shunned. “Now you know.”

“Now I know.” You looked over at her, smiling despite the lingering ache in your heart. You knew that Sam was what your heart wanted, and you had no intentions of doubling back on your word, but it did not mean that you were excited to break the news to Jake. Living without him was a thought that sickened you, but leading him on even further was even worse. You had done enough damage, and now it was time to pick up the pieces of what you had shattered during your journey of learning to love. “Tomorrow, though, because we have a show to put on.”

“The show must go on.” She raised her hands in surrender as a laugh fell from her lips. “The world is in your hands, Gold Dust Woman. You do whatever you think is best.”

She was correct in saying that you held the world in your hands, but you wished that you could put it down. Your arms were tired and your mind, too. You had been holding the weight for what seemed like forever, and you were scared that you could not put it down gently. When it fell, you took the risk of losing the small sense of relief you had finally granted yourself. Finally finding the answer was cathartic, yet you were still so afraid of relying on your own judgment. In the past, it had never led you to pleasant conclusions, and everything you had ever let go was left behind with claw marks in it. You were afraid that the damage created was already much to extensive to repair, but the show must go on, and if you were truly the Gold Dust Woman everyone said you were, you could always find the courage to take the stage and make it your own.

Please tell me, is it over now?

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[irulaan]

SOMETHING HE CAN NEVER HAVE | EDDIE MUNSON

— your son wants to spend this christmas with his parents, years after you drifted apart. and you’d walk through hell to make his wish possible. first take: lots of phone calls and annoyed sighs.

✧ PAIRING. eddie munson x fem!reader

✧ WORD COUNT. 3.6k

✧ WARNINGS. eddie being an asshole. i can’t think of any now, let me know if you find one.

being at the airport for the second time this month didn’t surprise you. nor did the awful communication you had with your son’s father. and it all results in another struggle at your least favorite place right now, trying to make it on time for your second flight in the last 24 hours.

it was really easy for him to tell you he wasn't in that state, he got confused and he ended up on the other side of the country. you weren’t surprised by his usual behaviour, at this point you weren’t even angry, just disappointed. you're the one traveling across the country to almost rescue your son, who has fear of airplanes and vertigo and he stresses so easily by the thought of flying. but you can't just point the finger at eddie for what happened between the both of you, that would've been absolutely unfair.

so yeah, now the spitting image of the recently proclaimed rockstar was following behind you with a backpack that was probably twice his weight, holding his stuffed animal so tight he might break it.

so yeah, now the spitting image of the recently proclaimed rockstar was following behind you with a backpack that was probably twice his weight, holding his stuffed animal so tight he might break it.

when you were at the gate, and you both could finally breath - because you didn't lose this flight, he sights. “moooom, i don’t want to fly” his voice is small and impossibly frail, he's afraid.

you lowered yourself to his level, grabbing him by the shoulders. “i know, dear, i tried to reschedule this with your father, but it was impossible” his expression changed, and a few tears threatened to fall, so your hands moved up to cup his face, gently. “we will have to fly home, i’m sorry”.

he was a good kid; he wasn’t as messy as you thought he would be, being eddie’s son and because they, frankly, spend a lot of time together. he was so understanding and empathic. he even had a notion of why things were the way they were.

his little fingers swept a single tear that fell down his cheek, “it’s a short flight, right?”

you smiled at him, “yes, dear, about 3 hours” he tried to get out of your embrace, and so you did, after placing a kiss on his forehead. leaving it behind, you preferred to try and cheer him up: “i got your favourite snacks and music!”.

he smiled sympathetically at your efforts with those teary eyes. “did you brought the mixtape pa made for me?” 

your expression soon changed, as you were confused “i—i don’t? i got the one we did together,” last time you listened to the mixtape was merely a week ago, and he loved it! saying eddie’s one was too noisy.

spending time with his dad changed him a bit, sometimes.

he scrunched his face in disgust, “i don’t think i like those anymore” he shake his head, his hair moving around, making you loathe the fact he was, indeed, a carbon copy of his father. “i want daddy’s mixtape” 

shrugging, you took hold of his little hands, “sorry, i should have brought both of them,” he just grinned at you, shrugging too, attempting to mimic you.

“doesn’t matter,” he said, getting his hands free once again to fish his walkman from your bag. he got it playing, fooling around as he listened to those tunes he didn’t like anymore. 

you sat down, trying to read whatever book you have brought. it wasn’t long until you felt your son’s eyes glued to your face.

“mom?” his voice was hushed, not matching the vibrancy he had seconds ago.

you carried your eyes off you book to look at him, “what is it?”

a nervous smile crashed on his face, “can we spend this christmas all together? please?”

you had to blink a few times, trying to fool yourself into thinking you had listened wrong.

“what do you mean, dear?”

his face beamed with excitement “you, dad, me!” you choked on your own spit, and he must’ve been so scared by your reaction that he began to ramble, “just the three of us! uhm, not with josh or dad’s friends and the funny ladies, nope! i want you and him and me!” 

there was a few seconds of silence in which you tried to process everything, from ignoring the funny ladies part to think what it would mean to have a christmas with eddie. it wouldn’t work; nope, it would be absolutely disastrous. he would say all this dumb shit, and you know you won’t hide the annoyed expression at his antics.

you knew that, but the sudden shine on your son’s eyes changed something in you; he really wanted that. he really wanted something you know you could never have, but his little self with all his emotions was enough to change your opinion. maybe you could try.

sighing, you stared at him, pretending to be serious, “you know it’s hard, right? but i’m going to do anything to make it possible; how does that sound?” the largest smile appeared on his face again, and he jumped off his seat to celebrate. he circled the couple of seats to gather some speed to crash in your lap, leaving kisses all your face. he was so ecstatic he couldn’t even hide it.

“yes! thank you! thank you! i love you, you’re the best mom of the universe!”

you feared what would come, and you feared he could get the disappointment of his life by this whole situation.

it was almost 2 am.

the house was in complete silence, except for the fact you had to raise your voice at the negative response of eddie. you were just about to lose it and wake up the whole neighbourhood. “what do you mean you can’t? what the fuck is wrong with you, edward?!”

now, searching where corroded coffin was performing every day wasn’t hard; you didn’t even have to search for god’s sake. they had become so prominent in the past few months that corroded coffin’s posters and tour dates were everywhere. there, in front of you, laid a little poster with the tour dates, and with simple math, you estimated he had about an hour or two before he had to jump into the stage. in that moment your nightmare started.

he laughed at you as if you had told him the most clever joke ever. which, of course, just made your blood boil. “woah, woah, hey, why are you always calling me to throw insults?” just by the tone of his voice, you knew he was smiling on the other side of the line. he was playing with you, acting cool and nice, as if he hadn’t done anything wrong through these years.

his attitude got you in a spiral of indignation, and you had to take a few breaths not to hang up and throw the phone far away.

then, eddie was met with a shaky breath and that cold tone he wasn’t expecting from you, “have you ever —i don’t know, thought that maybe you deserve it? are you even listening to yourself or are you too high or drunk to answer me properly?”

you swore you heard him grinning through the line. “it’s both, you know, both” you don’t even know how you could be so mad when this was everything you could obtain from him; you have known eddie for half of your life. he was like this. he’s always been like this. after breathing out, he continued: “yeah, uhm, why were you even shouting at me? all you ever do is yell at me? but, princess, do you remember how you spoke to me when you loved me? soft and delicate… like you never truly got angry at me back then” 

your expression changed. the kitchen got colder, and your body felt like it was freezing as you grew impatient with this phone call. did he actually said those words to you? now? what was he thinking? was this a sick trick of your mind to warn you about why you shouldn’t reach out to him? unfortunately, it was real. you weren’t in a dream – nightmare. the dim, warm light coming from the hall and the faint sound of the clock reminds you.

you reckoned the knot on your throat and the sudden feeling of emptiness in your stomach were all because you were enraged by his actions.

right, you were mad at him. 

you let out a trembling sigh as you found the strength to speak with a stern, harsh voice –still hushed by the fact everyone was asleep, “you can’t be real right now, please, eddie! act like an adult and try to sober up a bit! this is important” 

“i’m about to perform in front of people… i can’t sober up, woman!” his loud voice felt like a whiplash, and you had to take a step back from the phone even if he wasn’t there. 

you can tell he was growing anxious by his sudden reaction, and you tricked yourself into believing you didn’t care at all. you were ending this phone call because you didn’t want to deal with a high eddie.

“i’ll call you, early and you’re going to answer the phone” you had to take a short pause to ponder about the words you were going to say – and how you’re going to declare them. “remember that this isn’t because i want to see you on christmas day, it’s for our son, and you love him so much you’ll do anything for him, right?” 

that wasn’t smooth or admirable. it sounded like you were manipulating him into doing this when he should have said yes in a blink. 

“fine, talk to you later” he lingered on the phone for a few seconds, as you grew eager to hear the classic beep marking the end of the call.

after you heard it, a tiny voice startled you, “that was a no?” you let the phone fall from your hand, as the two of you flinched at the impact sound it made.

with a hand on your heart and the other reaching out for your son’s shoulder, you said in a firm but sweet tone: “god, don’t scare me like that, love, please” his little smile, revealing the gap those missing teeth have left, made you grin. lifting the gloom mood eddie put you through. “and don’t spy me, okay?”

his playful smile never left his pink cheeks. “i’m sorry momma, i’m just excited, i know pa would say yes!” he was so thrilled about this reunion, and your heart shrunk. you couldn’t raise his hopes just for eddie to come and destroy them. so you remained silent about it. “do you miss him?” 

were the munsons always throwing you out of your safe state of mind? his innocuous question felt like a splash of ice-cold water.

“why are you asking me that, dear?”

he struggled a bit to find a response. “because he told me—“

you had to stop him right there, not wanting to torment yourself with whatever thing he said. because it didn’t matter if he missed you or not, both of them already were harming you. “--you shouldn’t be saying that to me, if your father told you it wasn’t because he wanted me to know,” 

his face dropped, but you know he’ll forget all of this tomorrow, “okay…”.

“who’s this?” you were taken aback by a rough tone, the voice that belonged to a sleepy woman. you should have expected it. after all, he was living his dream of fucking anyone, anything, and whenever he wanted. 

you smiled through it, acting nice. getting out your best soft-spoken voice, “can i speak with eddie, please?”

she muttered a fuck, and you heard how she strumbled to move, probably checking his state. “i don’t think so, dear, he’s asleep right now, but i’ll tell him whatever you have to te–” 

you had to interrupt her; otherwise, she would hang up the call, and you can’t put yourself through the mortification of calling him again. “--yeah, no. wake him up, please. it’s wayne’s mother speaking” 

she yawned. “who’s wayne?” she sounds bewildered. 

you felt a pang of pain somewhere in your body – but you forbid to acknowledge it.

“his son,” your firm tone let her know it wasn’t a joke.

“ooooh, fuck,” she whispered to the phone before you heard from afar how she was making her best attempt at waking up eddie, almost shouting his name.

after a few seconds and a few annoyed whispers, you knew eddie was on the phone. his heavy breathing gave away he wasn’t foreseeing you to call at twelve pm – o’clock.

“ow! you’re unreal!” you had to swallow a chuckle at his childish tone and behaviour.

with a faint smile hanging onto your face, you spoke with a tone that quite didn’t match, “i told you i was going to call, i’ll let you have a glass of water or something, but be quick, please”

eddie grumbled, irritated. it was far too early to deal with this. for him. “why are you yelling?” he complained.

“i’m not yelling, i’m pretty sure you’re having a hangover” 

you heard more struggling. and then a hard slap. you didn’t even want to wonder why or what was that noise. “where are you? it’s so noisy – fuck”

“at work” 

“oh, right, sorry i forgot” he paused to gulp a lot of water, which ended in a loud aaaah. “i feel like trash”

shaking your head, you decided you couldn’t stand another word he says unrelated to all this christmas chaos. “i didn’t call to know about your day, munson,” he whispered something you couldn’t catch and didn’t have the time to. so you continued, “you have to clean christmas day, remember?”

he let out a defeated sigh. now he knows there’s no way to elude whatever got into his son’s head with an equally obstinate mother. he thought, for a moment, you would let it go as soon as he said no, as soon as he said he was so high yesterday. he thought it would be like the few times you called in the past years - brief, straight to the point, and if he said no, you wouldn't bother yourself to continue and get what you wanted. but here’s the difference: he knew it wasn’t you the one who desired his presence. not after years of almost non-existent communication. 

he made his choice right there, not letting the remote memories well-kept in his subconscious bleed through and into his mind.

he took a defensive stance as if there was a way of hiding himself when you weren’t even there with him, judging him. looking down at the poor decisions he made. or maybe you’ll stare at him with your big heartbroken eyes, wanting to hear why, wanting answers. those he didn’t have, or were so lost in his memory, he doesn’t bother trying to locate them anymore. and leaving you without a proper explanation and desolated eyes would shatter his heart all over again.

a loud thud from your line brought him back to reality. “i can’t, i already have plans, and this christmas it’s your turn! and i got everything planned already, i guess you’ll have to take wayne, sorry” 

you couldn’t take his thousandth no nicely. “wayne wants to spend the christmas day with us both, eddie, what’s not so clear about it?”

he acted surprised, “oooh,” but decided to stay fixed on his decision. “i still cannot, maybe the next one?”

at this point, you felt like he was playing with this situation. all of this was amusing to him and you’ll get nothing but more vexed with him. he was pushing you to a place you didn’t want to go. he was making you despise him.

but you weren’t easy to shut down, “what could even be your plans for that day? cocaine and beautiful women? get yourself together, edward, please” he didn’t mean to, but he had to muffle a chuckle, a humorless one. “i’m willing to fly where you are and have all of that there, i don’t care, i just want to see wayne happy” 

he still couldn’t get you off his back. you both were growing impatient with every response, by every fucking breath. “oh, you can make him delighted by buying him an electric guitar or something i think he deserves it now, he’s genuinely talented, you should listen to him!” 

his cynical response set your mind on fire. and eddie was a lot of things, but you haven’t experienced this supposedly new facet – being a complete asshole.

“you’re impossible, aren’t you?”

yet again, he just went for his comfortable answer, “you don’t get to say that to me, when you’re the one attempting to make this happen with a few weeks of anticipation!”

he wasn’t only impossible but unreal, and you were mere seconds away from just cutting all contact with him. maybe you were being unreasonable, even ridiculous. still, it was something you had to ignore for the sake of your son's happiness. “i’m sorry our son wanted to spend this christmas like a functional family!” you took a brief pause before continuing, not caring a few colleagues were now hearing you, “not seeing you wasted by three am or being unhappy here because he miss the pathetic excuse he has as a father!”

you regret the brutal words the second they came out of your mouth. the ones that felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at him. he even forgot he had a headache. for a few seconds, you both were encapsulated in a freezing stillness. you thought he would hang up the phone, and you’d understand. it was unfair, but oh so necessary. 

he cleared his throat before speaking, “woooah, hey” his tone was different, serious but gentle. he left that mischievousness behind. “i’m not a bad parent, i’m present and i love wayne! what’s wrong with you?” 

after literally calling him a terrible father, there weren’t many things you could do to change his mind, so your choice was an ultimatum, “can you clean that day?”

he smiled at your fatigued voice; of course you were going to break him before he could ever get a chance to resist. “hmmm, only if you ask nicely” 

“eddie, this is not a fucking joke”

“oh, no, i can’t clean that day for you, sweetheart, sorry” he deadpanned.

your snorted, “you’re unbelievable–as if– as if i wanted to see you!” and after these phone calls, you wouldn’t even want to dream with him – or let his image wander around your mind. 

he hummed, “not, wrong answer, are we going to do this all day? i got a show today… so”

you used to know eddie like the back of your hand. you used to know how he felt with a single word because of his tone. and maybe you could be wrong about what you were assuming – but he already said yes. he just wanted to make sure you weren’t annoyed with him. if you refuse, he will still come. he would reach for you in other opportunities and try to make things right, to ask for forgiveness and hope they can still have that christmas dinner.

so you follow along, for the good old times. “good god, would you please cancel your more relevant plans and meetings for christmas day to spend the day with your son? please, eddie, it would be the world for him” 

that was the most embarrassing thing you’ve done since you were a dumb adolescent in the back of eddie’s van--nope, you can’t follow that train of thought right now.

“i know what you’re doing, but i didn’t like your sarcasm—“ he paused for a few seconds to take a breath. you opened your mouth to say something, but he wasn’t prepared to hear more insults from you, “--i’ll clean the day, i think you gotta travel all across the country, just a moment let me see where are we playing that few days…”

an drained sigh came out the second he said that. “thank you, eddie”

“i’ll buy you the plane tickets and send them to you”

you shake your head, even if he can’t see you. “it’s not necessary, i’m good i can cost them”

but now it was his turn to not accept a no. “i’m just trying to pay for all those years when we weren’t this big and—“

you had to intercept him for your own good. “i did that because i loved you; you don’t need to pay me back anything, don’t feel obligated to do that because of it,” your words sprayed with acid that little hidden scar, now almost unnoticeable. but it was there and would never heal. you hated how easy it was to cause harm to it. and eddie hated how those words rolled out your tongue so effortlessly. because he feels like he doesn’t know you anymore.

“right, okay, but i can pay them now, so that’s what i’m gonna do. do you still live there?”

you let him do what he wants, not wanting to start another argument over something so frivolous. “yes, i still live here”

“great, see you” he had to hang up before hearing anything else from you.

“see—“ the phone beeping stopped you, bringing you back to reality, to the concerned stares from your co-workers. to the now sharp noise of the room. “this can’t be real,” you mumbled to yourself before going to the bathroom to find a bit of peace. 

to be alone with your racing thoughts, and racing heart. at least for few minutes.

COMMENTS, LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED i will literally give you forehead kisses if you support me <3

wayne’s mixtape from eddie.

finally it’s out !! i’m so sorry for keeping you waiting for it :( but i have lots to do for uni now !! so enjoy !! <3

remember english isn’t my first language so it might have some mistakes, if you want to, you can correct me. but be nice about it, it’s all i ask.

now, if you want to break your heart a bit more, listen to the song that inspired this fic <3

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #dad!eddie munson x reader #dad!eddie munson #popiwrites💭

[munsons-hellfire]

Aftermath | Pedro Pascal

SUMMARY: You have been struggling to come to terms with the aftermath of the new light on your relationship with Pedro. Work becomes something you can no longer enjoy or focus on and for the most part you spend your time in your shared bedroom. It starts to worry Pedro and he has to take action after a big photoshoot is rescheduled because you didn't show up.

PAIRINGS: Pedro Pascal x Fem!Reader

CONTENT WARNINGS: MFW, mentions/talks of depression, Age Gap ( Reader is 28, Pedro is 47 )

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here is the long awaited Part 2 to Debut, I hope you all enjoy it and are enjoying it so far. I am so proud of how this turned out and please let me know if you'd like a part 3 to this. I know this one is a little shorter than the first part so I apologize.

WORD COUNT: 1.8K Words

PART 1

Three weeks had passed since your relationship with Pedro had become public knowledge to the fans and your parents. In those three weeks you had been struggling with the aftermath of what had happened between your mother. She was not happy to say the least when you told her you weren’t coming home like she had hoped would happen. Your mother had sent a text the next day saying to not contact her again. And you wanted to say that it didn’t hit you hard (because you already had a rocky relationship with your mother) but it hit you hard.

On top of being disowned by your mother, the hate you were receiving from fans was a mix. Some of it was nothing but support, they stated that as long as you were both happy that’s what was important. But others were not happy. They didn’t like the age gap between you and Pedro. They couldn’t understand why you were with someone who could basically be your father. It was getting to you, and you couldn’t pull yourself out and no matter how hard Pedro had tried he was failing.

He felt guilty because he wasn’t trying hard enough. After receiving a call from a photographer about you not showing up to a scheduled photoshoot, he was taking action this time. He had spent the last three weeks trying to get you to step foot outside of the bedroom and out of your apartment. The most he had gotten was to get you into the bathroom and eventually the kitchen. But past that you didn’t go anywhere.

He knew this was impacting you in more ways than one. It was affecting your mental health and he wanted to make it better somehow. Then he got a call from the magazine company to reschedule the photoshoot, they had asked that you be at the new date that had been provided. That seemed to be the final straw for Pedro. He couldn’t help you no matter how hard he tried, so he moved to his next plan of attack. He called your father, the one person he knew might just be able to help you out of this funk you were stuck in.

Currently the sun was shining through your blinds, but not enough to make you move. Pedro paced round in the living room waiting for your father to arrive. He had told your father that he could pick him up from the airport. But of course your father insisted that it was better that he not leave you alone with your thoughts. A soft knock on the door caused the man to stop pacing in his tracks. He turned towards the door and walked over to it. When he opened the door, relief washed on his face as he stared your father.

“Thank you for coming. I really didn’t know what to do.” Pedro said, moving to the side and allowing your father to walk in. “She missed a really important photoshoot. They rescheduled it but I’m afraid that she’ll miss it again.”

Your father could already see how much Pedro cared about you, and it made him so happy to know that you had found someone who would try their hardest to take care of you at your lowest. “I’ll talk to her. But first, are you going to break her heart?” He asked, a stern look on his face.

“I don’t plan on it.” Pedro was honest as he continued to look at your father.

“Good, good choice. I don’t care what my wife says, I just want my baby to be happy and if she’s happy with you then I am happy too.” Pedro gave the man a nod of his head, then he watched him walk down the hallway that led to your shared bedroom. He gently knocked on the door.

“Go away.” You mumbled, from underneath your blanket. You didn’t know it was your father who had been the one knocking on your bedroom door. You just thought it was Pedro trying to get you to come out of the room again.

“Honey, it’s me, it’s papa.” He said softly. “Can I come in?” A muffled yes was released from your mouth. You stayed still underneath your blanket. The door was open and then seconds later it was closed. You felt the bed drip down, your father leaned forward and gripped your blanket. “Let me see your face.” He whispered to you.

It reminded you of the times when you and your mother would get into fights, after the fights were over you’d run to your room and hid under your blanket until you had calmed down enough. When you didn’t come down to dinner, your father would come in to hopefully fix what had happened. Here he was doing it again, being here now with you when you were at your lowest. Worst of all Pedro was seeing you at your lowest like never before.

All the previous times hadn’t been as bad as this was. This was the aftermath of everything that had happened and you knew he might try to blame himself for the events that had unfolded but you would eventually tell him that it wasn’t his fault. You chose to make the relationship public, it was a mutual agreement and not one sided.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Your father questioned after you had finally allowed him to see your face. He could see that you had been crying, probably crying the last few days at that. And he knew that these tears were because of what your mother had said to you.

“It’s just a lot, papa. I knew what to expect when the fans found out, and I knew mama would be mad but I didn’t think she’d go this far and it hurts.” More tears started to fall down your face as the truth flew out of your lips. Your father leaned down and pulled you into him, hugging you tightly. You broke down even more, this was not how you wanted him or Pedro to see you but you really were struggling and you didn’t know how to get out of it.

“I know, my sweet baby. But you’re strong and I know you’ll get through this.” He paused for a moment thinking of what to say next. You just stayed still breathing up and down with tears still falling down your face. “I know you and your mother don’t often see eye to eye and how much you want her in your life. But I need you to do what’s best for you and if that means cutting out your mother then you need to do it.”

“But what about you?” You asked, turning your head to stare up at him.

“I will come to see you when I can and we can still talk on the phone. I need you to make sure you take care of yourself and you can’t do that if you choose to keep your mother in your life. I will be okay, but I won’t be okay if something happens to you. And I know that that man out there who is worried to high heaven about you, would be upset if something happened to you.”

“I didn’t want him to ever see me like this, papa.” Your voice was a whisper as the words left your mouth.

“I know. But sometimes the people that we love and care about need to see us at our worst in order to continue being there for us. I mean this when I say it, but he loves you, I can see it in his eyes. I want you to be happy and if he truly makes you happy then I don’t want you to give that up.” Your dad stared down at you, then he looked towards the door. Pedro was probably in the living room pacing around waiting for something to happen. “How important is he to you?”

“So important, I don’t wanna be without him and I don’t care that he’s older than me. I love Pedro so much and couldn’t imagine my life without him. And I’m not ever expecting a marriage or kids, as long as I have him I am happy.”

“Okay. So you need to show everyone that their opinions don’t matter, because they don’t not when it comes to your happiness. What matters is you being happy and right now you’re not.” You nodded your head in understanding, your father smiled brightly at you. “Great. You’re gonna talk to that man out there who is clearly terrified that something will happen, and then the three of us are gonna go out and get dinner after you get a shower. And we’re gonna post something on your social media and you're gonna give the biggest smile you could possibly conjure up. You, my sweet girl, are so strong and I will always be proud of the things you do and accomplish.”

“Thank you, papa.” You hugged your father tightly, he hugged you back just as tightly. Your father stood from your bed and walked over to your door. You adjusted yourself leaning against the headboard. It was only a matter of seconds before Pedro was in the bedroom and climbing onto the bed right next to you. “I’m sorry.” Your lip started to wobble as you caught Pedro staring at you.

“Mi amor, it’s okay.” He whispered, pulling you into his chest. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and it seemed that your father was the only one who could really get through.”

“But it shouldn’t be like that. And I’m sorry.” You pulled yourself from Pedro and adjusted your body so you could get a better look at the man you loved so much. “I should’ve been more honest about the relationship I had with my mother. And I should’ve let you in when this happened, I pushed you away rather than talking about my feelings with you. And because I pushed you away you had to call in backup.”

“From now on I know you’ll be honest with me.” His voice was sweet as he talked to you.

“I will be, I promise.” You placed a kiss on the side of his face and he smiled at you. “I’m going to get ready and then we’ll go out somewhere with my dad, if that’s okay.”

“Okay, I’ll be in the living room with your father.”

The two of you both stood up from the bed, Pedro walked out of the room while you walked into the bathroom. Maybe the best thing to do was to cut your mother out of your life, it wasn’t something you were ideal with because she was still your mother but you weren’t going to think about that right now. Instead you were going to get ready and go have dinner with your boyfriend and your father.

TAGS: @inhumanssxx

#pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal #reader insert #part 2 #celebrity #real person fiction #x reader

[pxperplxnets]

I am loving your stories and was wondering if you could do and Ollie bearman x y/n story! Maybe something like she’s a driver and they are doing a prema vid together or sm!! Whatever suits you💓💓

summary: ollie and y/n meet at the airport and have the best night of their lifes.

pairing: oliver bearman x reader

word count: 1982

warnings: none

lowercase intended!

----------------------------------------

y/n had never been so annoyed.

she was at an airport in spain, halfway in her journey to fly back home from her holiday when her flight got rescheduled for three in the morning the next day.

she was texting her mom when a particularly attractive guy sat on the chair next to her. he was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, and y/n swore she had never seen someone look that beautiful.

he caught her looking and smiled in her direction. her eyes widened at the eye contact as she looked away quickly. she heard his faint laugh, which made her even more embarrassed.

“hi” he spoke, getting her attention “hi” she answered, giving him an awkward tight lipped smile. “im oliver” his voice was enthusiastic as he extended his hand for her to take “of course your name is oliver” the girl laughed, rolling her eyes as she shook his hand. “what do you mean?” he laughed at her response “mysterious hot guy at the airport named oliver, it just makes sense” she smiled as she got her confidence back. “hot and mysterious, i like that” the boy nodded approvingly.

“let me guess your name” he scooted further from her and looked her up and down “if your name is other than aphrodite i’d be disappointed.” his words made her laugh. “wrong, its y/n” he took another look at her before smiling “even better” she rolled her eyes with a smile.

“so, what brings you to the airport at 9:45pm?” y/n asked “i lost my flight” he shrugged “how about you?” the girl sighed, remembering her situation “flight got delayed, i'm leaving at three in the morning” she groaned “that means we have approximately 5 hours to have the best night of our lives” he said “and how are we going to do that?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows “lets go explore the city” he offered “how do i know you're not going to murder me?” her words made him laugh “i promise i won't, i don't break pinky promises” he extended his pinky finger towards her. she sighed, was she really going to go explore an unknown city with a guy she just met.

fuck it.

she interlaced her pinky with his. he smiled and stood up, not letting go from her finger as he looked at her. “let’s get rid of our bags first”she stood up as well “and how are we going to do that?” he looked at his phone momentarily before turning it towards her, showing her the reservation confirmation in a hotel page. “did you really just rent a whole ass room for our bags?” he nodded “i mean, if you want to stay there i have a few ideas” he wiggled his eyebrows making her roll her eyes “absolutely not, lets go” he laughed before walking towards the exit, their fingers still laced.

they walked to the hotel, laughing and making useless small talk until they reached the room. they placed their bags in the room and walked to the exit, the boy laced their pinkies again. “ready for the best night ever” he asked “as ready as i can be” she answered “are you hungry?” the girl hadn't realised how hungry she was until he spoke about it “yeah, actually” his smile grew “lets go, we’re going to eat. a lot.” her eyes widened at the mischievousness of his voice “where are we going?” her question wasn't answered as he started walking, dragging her with him.

“absolutely not” the girl spoke as he stopped in front of a fancy looking restaurant “absolutely yes” he smiled. “i dont have money” she admitted “didn't ask, im paying” he nudged her side before he walked in. the waiter looked at them funny, making y/n feel incredibly underdressed. they were both still wearing their airport clothes, and she didn't feel as hot with her ‘i <3 hot moms’ sweatpants and black hoodie.

the waiter directed them towards a free table and left to menius in front. “i hate you” she whispered to ollie when she noticed all the funny looks they were getting. “you’ll love me after you try the food” he assured.

they ordered their food -ollie had to convince her to get whatever she wanted and not worry about the money- and got to know each other a bit before the food came. “this is the best thing i’ve ever had” she almost groaned as she swallowed the piece of meat she had bitten. “told you” he laughed. the girl took pictures of her meal and ollie on the other side of the table.

when another waiter asked them if everything was alright, she almost choked at ollie's answer “it's all great.. actually, today is our anniversary so if we could get the anniversary dessert it would be great.” the waiter nodded before smiling at them “if i can ask, how long have you two been together? you look so young” the lady asked. y/n looked at ollie nervously “two years today, but i’ve been pinning on her for 5 years” he winked at her and held her hand over the table, making her cheeks go red.

the waiter excused herself to get the dessert, and as soon as she was gone, y/n slapped his hand “2 year aniversary? we met an hour ago!” she laughed “it's more entertaining this way” he shrugged.

after a meal filled with laughter and random stories, they walked through the city when y/n got a call from her mom. “hello?” she answered “si mamma, tutto bene” (yes mom, everything alright) his eyebrows raced as she spoke italian “non sono solo, sono con un ragazzo che ho incontrato” (i'm not alone, im with a guy i met) “non ha intenzione di rapirmi” (he's not going to kidnap me) she rolled her eyes and he had to contain a laugh “mamma!” (mom!) the girl complained before speaking again “lui è bello” she sighed, and his smile widened. she didn't know he understood italian.

she said bye to her mom a few moments later, apologising to him. he dismissed her apology “va bene, le chiamate della mamma sono sempre importanti” (it's okay, calls from mom are always important) her eyes widened as he spoke. “you speak italian?” he nodded, laughing as she covered her face with her hands with embarrassment.

their night continued as they walked through the city. y/n had never walked as much as she did that night, but she wasn't complaining. they found a small park and decided to rest there for a while, laying down on the grass.

“so, where are you headed off to?” the boy asked as he realised he didn't know “back home to amalfi, in italy” she sighed “you don't sound very happy about that” he commented “i love my family and my town, but i feel so trapped there” her eyes were fixated on the sky “doesn't that happen to you?” she asked. he knew it was time to tell her about his job “not really, i travel a lot for work” he moved his head to be able to see her “thats awesome, what do you work at?” she copied his actions “i drive in f3” he said, his voice barely a whisper.

he was scared to tell her. what if she thought differently of him?

“thats awesome! you must be really good at what you do” she smiled “i hope so, i don't know sometimes” he sighed, smiling lightly “i'm sure you are.” she answered reassuringly before a yawn escaped her. she cuddled up to his chest, making him smile and hug her close to her body.

they stayed in silence for a while before he felt her stir in his arms. “hey, let's go back to the hotel and you can sleep for a while, there are still two hours till your flight,” he whispered to her. “lets go, but i don't want to sleep, i want to spend time with you” his heart warmed at her sleepy voice “come on, i'll carry you ad you can sleep until we get to the hotel” she was too sleepy to even refuse, so they stood up and he carried her until he found a cab. he gave the driver the address and climbed in, holding the sleeping girl in his arms.

once they were back at the hotel, he took a shower before waking her up “y/n, we’re here” he whispered, caressing her cheek gently. she leaned into his touch before opening her eyes and sitting up. she showered and changed as well, finding ollie sitting down on the bed with his phone “hi” she said, making him look up to her and smile. “hi” he answered. she climbed into the bed and laid his head on his chest, talking for the rest of the evening before he went with her to drop her off at her gate.

“thank you for the best night of my life, oliver” she said “thank you for letting me” he smiled. she wrapped her arms around his neck, not wanting him to see the tears that formed in her eyes. he hugged her by the waist, staying like that for a few moments before pulling apart. “this is for you, open it when you're in the plane” he handed her an envelope “i will, thank you” she smiled again.

“first call for flight #555” the robotic voice boomed on the speakers. “thats me” the girl said, wiping a tear away. “go” he said, kissing her forehead before nudging her towards the door. she turned to walk to the door, but turned around quickly to tackle him in a hug. he laughed and hugged her back.

y/n moved her head up, kissing his lips and taking him by surprise. he kissed back, the best kiss of his life.

she pulled apart and looked at him one last time before turning back and going to the gate. saying goodbye to the one person who made her fall in love with him in less than 5 hours.

as she sat down on her plane seat, she pulled out the letter from her pocket.

dear y/n,

i'm currently writing this while you're in the bathroom preparing to leave and i don't know what to write. not because i don't have something but because i have way too much that i want to say to you.

I've known you for 4 hours but I feel like I've known you my whole life. you are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I was able to forget about racing and all my worries for a night.

the way you speak and the way you act has become my favourite thing in a single night. how i will be able to ever get over this, i don't know. i dont want to forget about you or all the things that we did because fuck me if i ever get to live something like this again.

i know that it is too sudden to say that i love you, but i feel it. i don't know how you got me to love you in 5 hours but here i am. i think im glad you left when you did, because if i had 10 minutes more i wouldn't have left you go.

+### ##### #####

that's my phone number. if you decide to communicate there it is, but if you don't i’ll understand. I promise that if you do, I will do whatever I can to see you again.

yours for the night, oliver.

tears ran down her cheeks as she clutched the paper to her chest as she pulled out her phone. she put ollie’s number in and texted him rapidly.

                         oliver<3

                                                                I love you too.

--------------------------------

authors note:

its not an x driver but i watched a movie like this last night and i got inspired so here it is.

#ollie bearman one shots #prema racing #prema #premaoneshots #pxperplxnets #f3 oneshots #f3 #oliver bearman #ollie bearman x reader

[allwaswell16]

I feel horribly that you, your friends, and anyone there, really, had to go through that horrific thing.. I hope you're recovering well, and your friends get better soo, too..

About Louis and your post about him and how he can't seem to catch a break.. idk.. my heart breaks for him, and I wanted to thank you for putting that out what I was feeling inside actually..

The stories of his team's bravery, though.. and the hospital bills paid?! His light really shone through the darkness tonight, and I feel bittersweet that we got to witness that again tonight, albeit through such a horrible way..

But.. what I look forward to is, the next time he stands on that same stage, and the love he'll feel then. No longer 'can't catch a break' but 'we made it' !

I'm sorry if it is too fast to think about when he'll up on that stage again, especially when you're still reeling from what had happened to you- I'm sorry, I don't mean to upset you.. I just wanted to thank you for that post, and send you a big healing hug and hope and pray that bigger and brighter things come for Louis and all of us..

Thanks, anon...yeah, on the way to the airport today my friend and I talked a lot about why Louis can't catch a damn break. I think we were both feeling like personal jinxes, too...which we both know makes no sense. But honestly, it was just such a weird fucked up thing to go through that it's hard to process, I think. I was very lucky not to get injured. And it's not reliving the storm part of it that is fucking me up right now, it was seeing the aftermath, all the fans injured and screaming and crying. That's the part that I keep reliving. And I'm older than most of the fans, you know, and it just felt like I couldn't help all these younger fans at all and it made me feel helpless. Everything about what happened last night was heartbreaking, but yes, Louis' personal team seemed to really step up to try to help people and get medical aid for people. I honestly didn't have much hope for a rescheduled concert until Louis tweeted, and yeah, if he's able to come back I'll fly my foolish self right back out there to see it.

#ask #anon #tw injury #red rocks

[middleearthpixie]

Better Days ~ Chapter Thirteen

Summary: Frerin Durin had the perfect life, until he found out his wife was cheating on him. Now, he’s navigating uncharted territory as an about-to-be divorced single dad. Dating is a mess, he’s dealing with the fallout where his kids are concerned, and really, he would just love a vacation away from all of it. 

Elena Madison is new to Sidleburg, and also navigating life as a newly single parent. The last thing she needed was for her daughter to come down sick, when she hasn’t even had time to unpack the moving boxes, never mind find a pediatrician. And the last thing she ever expected was to meet a man like Dr. Frerin Durin…

Neither Elena nor Frerin were looking for anything, but fate has a way of messing up even the best laid plans. However, both have been hurt and both aren't at all sure they trust themselves, never mind trusting someone else...

Pairings:  Modern!Frerin  x ofc Elena Madison

Characters:Frerin, Elena, Alyssa, Toni, Flynn, Maura, and Jake

Warnings: Frerin and Elena get their Christmas festivities started…. 

Rating: M

Word Count: 4.9k 

Tag List: @mrsdurin @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @linasofia @fizzyxcustard @legolasbadass @kibleedibleedoo @xxbyimm @arrthurpendragon @exhausted-humxn-being @rachel1959 @laurfilijames @sketch-and-write-lover @sherala007 @enchantzz @knittastically @notlostgnome @myselfandfantasy @medusas-hairband @guardianofrivendell @jotink78 @sorisooyaa @ruthoakenshield @frosticenow @quiall321 @dianakc @buckybarnes-thorin @glassgulls @evenstaredits @heilith @asgardianhobbit98 @albionscastle @absentmindeduniverse @way-too-addicted-to-fandoms @sazzlep @court-jobi @masterofhounds

If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here. 

Newark Liberty Airport was the last place Elena ever wanted to be, especially at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning. Yet, there she was, at security, hugging Alyssa. “Have fun, peanut. And don’t give your grandparents a hard time.”

“Make them sorry they invited me? Gotcha.”

“Lyssa.”

“Mom.”

“Lyssa.”

“Mom.” Alyssa pulled back and smiled. “You know I’ll make them want to keep me.”

She wasn't wrong. As the only grandchild, Alyssa was spoiled and adored by all four of her grandparents, which helped to make up for Dan’s shortcomings as a father. Still, Elena hugged her once more. “I love you, Peanut. Merry Christmas and I’ll see you next Saturday.”

“I love you, too, Mom. And enjoy being childfree for a week. Hopefully you and Dr. Hottie will be able to actually go out now.”

“Don’t you worry about that.” She hadn’t told Alyssa about Frerin’s invitation to dinner, just in case she was stood up again. A foolish reason, but a reason just the same. “Have fun.”

“I will, Mom.” Alyssa slung her backpack over her shoulder and moved to get into the TSA security line. She looked back just before she stepped through the X-ray machine and gave Elena a thumbs up, put her shoes back on, and disappeared around the corner. 

With a soft sigh, Elena made her way back out to where she’d parked her car and as she sat, waiting for it to warm up, her phone rang. Frerin.

“Hello?”

“Merry Christmas.”

She smiled at the warmth in his voice. “Merry Christmas to you, too. You’re up awfully early for someone with no kids to wake you this morning.”

“Nah, my ex isn’t coming until about ten, or ten-thirty if she stays true to form, so Jake got us all up about an hour ago.”

“Six thirty. I feel your pain. I’m still at Newark and looking at almost an hour drive back and I’ve been up since three.”

“If you want to reschedule—”

“No,” she broke in quickly, shaking her head although he couldn't see it. “No, it’ll be fine. But, I will need your address.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, that would help, wouldn’t it? I’m at twelve-twenty-seven Longhill Road. It’s a dark gray Colonial with yellow trim in a cul-de-sac.” 

“Sixish?”

“Yeah, I’ll be back from Thorin’s by then.” He paused then said, “So, your daughter got off all right?”

“She just cleared security a few minutes ago, so she’s on her own now and I won’t rest easy until she calls me when she’s on the ground in Florida.”

“I know you don't want to hear this, but she will be fine. Just like I told you when I saw her in the ER.”

“I know, but still.”

“Yeah, I get it. Okay, I’ll let you get on the road and I have to feed this crew before Toni shows up, so I will see you tonight.”

“Yes, you will. What can I bring?”

“Just yourself. I’ve got it all covered.”

“Frerin.”

“I do. Trust me.”

She sighed softly. “What were you planning to make?”

“I have a recipe for a garlic-studded beef roast so I hope you don't mind a little garlic.”

“I don’t. Are you sure I can’t bring anything?”

“Elena, if you ask me that one more time, I’m going to make you cook dinner.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t ask.”

“Good. I’ll see you later.”

“Yes, you will.” 

“Dad,” Jake came into the kitchen, “Mom’s here.”

“Did she bring the Skeeze with her?” Maura asked, looking up from her phone as she sat at the kitchen table.

“I don't know.” Jake shrugged. “I didn’t look.”

“Well, is it her car or his?”

“It’s the Tesla.” Flynn appeared in the doorway, still in his flannel NY Giants pants and the wrinkled Ozzy Osbourne t shirt he usually slept in. 

Maura looked up and at the same time, she and Flynn said, “The Skeeze.”

“Okay, guys.” Frerin bit back a smile. “It’s Christmas. Try to get along with the Skeeze, okay? Just for one day.”

“Why do you call him the Skeeze?” Jake looked from his brother to his sister. “Is it because he’s creepy?”

“Why do you think?” Maura pushed away from the table. “Dad, do we have to go?”

“Yes, you do.” Frerin leaned back against the counter, arms folded. “Look, we’ve had this discussion more than once, Maur. You have to go because the court said so. I’m not going to go against a court orderand run the risk of that being used to take you and your brothers away from me.”

“Wait,” Jake looked up at him, eyes wide, “can Mom do that?”

Frerin sighed softly. “Maur, Flynn, go get ready, okay?”

They grumbled, but did as he asked and when he and Jake were alone, he moved to scoop him up. Jake was small for his age and at almost eleven, was often mistaken for being about five or six. “Listen to me, Jake, okay? You know your mom and I both want you to live with us, right?”

“I want to stay here, Dad. Can she make me leave?”

“She can’t, no,” he replied slowly, shaking his head. “But, if a judge thinks you and your brother and sister would be better off with her, he or she can order that your mom gets custody of you.”

Jake’s eyes went wider still and Frerin gave him a gentle squeeze. “If that happened, I’d still see you, buddy. Every other weekend, like you do with mom now.”

“But I don't want to live with her and Tim.”

“I know, but if a judge says that’s best, then we have to do it. But,” he gave Jake another squeeze, “it’s not a given, either, so try not to worry about it, little man. You concentrate on school and leave the other worrying to me, okay?”

Jake didn't look a hundred percent convinced, but he nodded and then tightened his arms about Frerin’s neck. “I want to stay with you, Dad. I don't want to live with Mom.”

“I know, buddy. And my lawyer is going to make sure the judge talks to you and Maura and Flynn as well, so you’ll be able to make that known.” He pressed a kiss into Jake’s rusty curls. “Now, you go and have a good Christmas with your mom, okay?”

“I’ll try.”

The doorbell rang and so Frerin gave him a last squeeze and set him down. “Go get your stuff.”

“Okay.” 

They left the kitchen, with Jake going upstairs while Frerin padded to the front door and opened it. “Hi, Toni.”

“Merry Christmas, Frerin.”

“Merry Christmas. I see Tim still refuses to get out of the car?” He leaned around her to wave at Tim, who sat stoically behind the steering wheel, raising his hand in a half-hearted wave. 

“Do you have to start already?”

“You’re right.” He stepped back. “It’s Christmas. Come on in.”

She stamped the snow from her boots and stepped into the foyer. “So, how was your Christmas morning?”

“It was fine, Toni. Kids gave me a tool set, and a couple of ties. You?”

“It was nice. Tim made breakfast and gave me a diamond bracelet.”

As she spoke, she held out her arm and tugged up her sleeve and the light bouncing off the stones in her new bracelet were enough to blind him. Still, he managed to smile. “He knows you pretty well.”

Toni let her sleeve fall back. “He took the time to find out.”

“Toni,” he folded his arms and offered up a long look, “you practically drool over Zales commercials. It’s not hard to guess you like sparkly things.”

“You just—” She stopped as Jake came down the stairs. “Merry Christmas, baby!”

“Merry Christmas, Mom.” Jake came over, looking less than enthused as he shrugged into his backpack. “Maur and Flynn will be down in a minute.”

“Good. Why don't you go wait out in the car? I’ll be out in just a minute.”

Jake wrinkled his nose. “With Tim?”

“What’s wrong with Tim?”

“Nothing, except he calls me Champ and Sport and I hate that. Even Dad doesn’t call me that and he’s lame as they come.”

“Thanks, Sport.” Frerin managed to hold back his smile as Jake glared at him. “I’ll see you the day after tomorrow, okay, Champ?”

“Dad.” Jake ducked as Frerin made to rumple his hair and clumped his way out the front door as Maura and Flynn came down the stairs together. 

“Merry Christmas!” Toni greeted them with a wide smile. 

“Merry Christmas, Mom,” Maura said, giving her a brief hug.

Flynn gave her a one-armed bro hug. “Merry Christmas. Hey, can I drive to your place?”

“Uh, you don’t have a license yet,” Toni said.

He shot her a look. “I got my permit two weeks ago, remember?”

“You’ll have to ask Tim.”

Flynn sighed. “Yeah, like he’d let me touch his precious Tesla. That’s a big, fat no.” 

“He might surprise you.”

“Yeah, right.” Flynn threw this over his shoulder as he tugged open the front door. “I’ll see you day after tomorrow, Dad.”

“Yes, you will.”

Maura gave him a quick hug. “Love you, Daddy.”

Frerin pressed a kiss into the side of her head. “Love you, too, Munchkin.”

“Dad.”

“What?” He stepped back. “You are.”

“I haven’t been since I was Jake’s age.”

“Oh, like that was so long ago. As if.” He rolled his eyes the way he’d seen her do it a million times before.

She wrinkled her nose at him. “Jake’s right. You are lame, Dad.”

“Yeah, I know. I know. Go. Enjoy your Christmas.”

“You coming, Mom?”

Toni looked over her shoulder at Maura. “I’ll be right there. I need to speak with your father about something.”

Maura shrugged. “Okay. Bye, Dad.”

“Bye, honey.” 

The front door banged shut and he let his smile drop. “What is it this time?”

“I’d like to keep the kids through New Year’s. Tim wants to take us all up to Stowe to go skiing.”

“Have you asked them?”

“No. I wanted to run it by you first. Besides, this way, you get some time to yourself.”

“Whoa… since when do you care if I get a day off?”

“There’s no need to be an ass about it, Frerin. I thought they could use the change of scenery and you might like some free time.”

He sighed softly. She seemed sincere enough and in all honesty, a few free days would be welcomed. “Ask them. If they want to go, I don't have a problem with it.”

“Good. I was hoping you wouldn’t. Flynn said you have had a chance to ski at all yet.”

“Well, ski season’s only a month old, but no, we haven’t gone yet.”

She leaned back to peer through the window. “I should go. I’ll let you know what we’re doing in a day or two, okay?”

“Yeah. I’m off until Saturday night and on nights until the first.”

“You should get some rest, Frerin. You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine, but thanks.”

She moved to grip the door handle. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Toni.”

The door closed behind her and he moved to the window to watch Tim roll back out of the driveway. Then they were gone and he had the house to himself. As was the case every time the kids went to their mother’s, the silence was almost deafening, pressing in on him from all corners. 

He rubbed his hand along his beard, debating about whether or not to shave it off, decided against it, and then went upstairs to the master bedroom, where he stripped off his grey sweatpants and black tee shirt, tossed both into the hamper, and padded into the bathroom to get the shower going.

****

At ten to six, Elena pulled into the wide driveway of a dark gray Colonial with yellow trim and parked behind Frerin’s silver Infiniti. The bushes out front were aglow with multicolor strings of Christmas lights, and a large wreath dotted with small ornaments, holly leaves and berries, and a red velvet bow adorned the pale yellow front door.

Her heart beat faster as she reached for the paper bag on the passenger seat before climbing out of her car. Snow began falling about a half an hour earlier and the house itself looked like it belonged on a Christmas card. Every house in his neighborhood did as well and it was easy to see it was an upscale area. BMWs, Teslas (was she one of the only people who didn't give a damn about putting more money in Elon Musk’s pockets?) Lexuses, and Infinitis sat covered in a fine dusting of white powder and each house was like the one before her—more than she could ever hope to afford on a teacher’s salary.

She climbed up the front steps and pushed the buzzer, her heart hammering even harder against her ribs now as footsteps sounded just beyond the door. Then it swung open and Frerin smiled down at her, handsome as ever in jeans and black, long-sleeved t-shirt. “Merry Christmas, Elena,” he said as he opened the storm door and held it open for her. “Come in out of the cold.”

“Merry Christmas,” she replied, brushing by him to step into the foyer, where she tried not to stare. It wasn’t easy, as it was one of the biggest houses she’d ever been in. Across from the front door was a gracefully curved staircase, decorated with a lush green garland, and dotted with red velvet bows. To her left was a formal dining room, with what looked like an antique cherrywood table, chairs, and breakfront. China and crystal sat tucked behind the breakfront’s glass doors, and the table itself bore a festive red and green runner, and a wooden bowl filled with pine cones that were scented cinnamon, judging by the hint of cinnamon that hung in the air. 

The formal living room was to her right, with elegant-looking sofas of blue and white chintz, the coffee and end tables also cherrywood, with delicate curved legs. It as dark, but she saw a crystal bowl in the middle of the coffee table, also piled with pine cones.

The kitchen was straight head and slightly to the left and it appeared to be far warmer than than the living or dining rooms, spacious, with sage green walls, the furniture all maple and sturdy, with French doors behind the table and chairs that she assumed led to a deck of some sort.  

He closed the door. “Did you have any trouble finding me?”

“Not at all. My GPS is usually spot on. It’s a beautiful neighborhood.”

“It has its selling points. My neighbors are okay. Enough kids here to keep mine busy in the summer, but they tend to hang out here more than I’d like them to.” He shrugged. “I’ve thought about selling, but I don't want to uproot my kids if I don't have to just yet. Here, let me take your coat.”

He caught her wool coat by the lapels and as the backs of his thumbs brushed her, he leaned in and caught her lips in a soft kiss. Her coat slid over her shoulders, spilled to the floor with a muffled thump of heavy wool. She melted against him, the wine bottle thunking softly against her thigh. His lips moved gently against hers, parting, his tongue easing between her lips to caress hers as he slid an arm about her waist and drew her closer. 

She draped her free arm about his neck, threading her fingers up into the soft hair curling at the nape of his neck. He reached to take the bag from her, then reached back to set it on the table across from the front door, and brought that arm about her as well, sliding that hand down over her ass, cupping her cheek to pull her harder into him. Their bodies met, her breath hitching at the sudden, almost intimate contact, and when he gave a gentle thrust against her, a shiver rippled through her. 

His arms tightened about her, his kiss deepening further until her head spun from the fire, from the passion, that steadily grew hotter with each passing second. It swirled through her, sinful and sweet and in its wake, an ache unlike anything she’d ever felt took root. Her back bowed of its own, the firm pressure of his chest against her breasts a sweet caress that sent even more heat spiraling through her. 

Frerin lifted her easily and without thinking, she wrapped her legs about his waist, catching his sigh as he arched against her, tugging her tighter against him at the same time. Heat became fire, ribboning through her. She rocked against him, the sensual friction bringing a soft moan to her lips and a damp heat between her thighs. Her head spun wildly, her blood smoking through her veins, her heart racing with desire, with need.

He lowered her slowly, and smiled as he drew back, his, “I should get your coat off the floor and hang it up,” on the breathless side before he crouched to snag it up from the floor.

Elena tried to catch her breath, to calm her racing heart, and to will away the butterflies that battered her insides as he moved to the hall closet and pulled open the door. Her entire body tingled with desire, hummed with need, and part of her just wanted to jump on him right then and there.

He hung up the coat and turned back, tugging up his left shirtsleeve as he said, “Come in and let me get you a glass of something.”

“I brought wine.” She stretched to grab the bag on the table and slid the bottle of Pinot Noir from it. 

“Sounds good.” He took the bottle in one hand and caught hers in his free one. “I’ll give you the grand tour while it breathes a little.”

“Lead on.”

His fingers tightened about hers and he gave a gentle tug on her arm to draw her alongside him, leading her into the kitchen, where he slid his hand free and set the bottle on the granite island in the center of the room. “This, as you can probably see, is the kitchen.”

She smiled. “The oven sort of gave it away.”

“Yeah, it does that.” He moved to a drawer and tugged it open, then reached in and pulled out a Rabbit corkscrew. “I think we spend the bulk of our time here.”

“It’s gorgeous. I miss having a big kitchen.” She looked around at all of the space on the shiny black granite countertops, the double oven, the Viking built-in refrigerator. The cabinets were maple, with glass inserts in the doors, and along the top of them, stood three plates, each with a child’s crayon drawing and their name above it. Flynn. Maura. Jake. 

He popped the cork free and stretched to drop it into a wire bottle that was already filled two-thirds of the way with other corks, then crossed to the cabinet at the far end, near the wall-mounted landline, and took out two balloon glasses to set on the counter alongside the now-open wine bottle. 

She moved to the far doorway, where one step down led her into the family room. It was spacious, with a towering cathedral ceiling, but cozy at the same time. A ginormous flat-screen television had been mounted on the front wall, between the floor-to-ceiling windows, and across from it a comfortable-looking sectional sofa of dark brown microsuede. An enormous Douglas fir Christmas tree stood in the front corner, softly aglow with multicolored lights, and a fire crackled on the hearth in the stone fireplace on the far side of the room. 

“This is beautiful,” she murmured as she stepped down into the room alongside a wet bar with pub mirrors mounted on the wall behind the bar and alongside it. “Where did you find these?”

“My brother owns a bar, and every few years he renovates. Last go-round, I claimed a few.” He came up behind her, then slid back behind the bar. “What can I get you? It’s fully stocked.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“You sure?”

“I am, thank you.” She smiled as she moved closer to the fireplace, where, on the mantle, were numerous photographs, all in silver frames. His kids, no doubt. Flynn and Maura were dead ringers for him, each one with dark hair and brilliant blue eyes. “Where does your youngest get his red hair from?”

“Toni’s side. She’s a redhead, and so are her mother and younger brother. Jake looks just like her when she was the same age.”

Her gaze fell on a photo of Frerin with a newborn in a hospital room. His hair was a lighter, almost honey-gold, and longer than it was now. He smiled up at the camera, looking every bit like a proud new father, with just a tiny bit of fear in his pale blue eyes. He looked so young, he had to be holding Flynn. “Is this your oldest?”

“Yeah.” He reached over to take the frame. “I was barely twenty years old when he was born. Just a kid, myself, really.”

“I’m still amazed you managed medical school with a baby.”

“Toni stayed home and took care of the kids, which made it easier for me. Her family has money, so they helped us out while I was still in medical school and  covered what my resident’s salary didn’t.”

“All three of them are gorgeous, you know.” She looked up at him. “And Alyssa’s told me Maura’s very popular.”

“Yeah, come summer, I’m up to my eyes in teenagers. It’s noisy.” He set the photo down and her eyes were drawn to the one behind it. Again, a younger Frerin with Thorin, the two of them trying their best to look intimidating, dressed in jeans and Metallica tee shirts, at the old Giants Stadium at the Meadowlands. Thorin was much darker in coloring than Frerin, his hair nearly black compared to Frerin’s, which was more of a golden brown when he was younger. But they had the same eyes—pale blue with hints of gray swirled through. 

“How old are you here?” 

He took the frame from her and let out a soft chuckle. “Seventeen, maybe? We went to see Metallica and Limp Bizkit, if you can believe it.”

“Metallica, I can believe.” She offered up a look. “But Limp Bizkit?”

“Yeah, they sucked, but Metallica didn't and they were why we were there.”

“I can see that,” she said with a smile, taking in the long hair and beards both Frerin and his brother sported in the picture. “Do you ever go clean shaven?”

“Yeah, usually come springtime I shave it off.” He rubbed along his jaw with one hand. “And then when the weather gets cool, I grow it back. It usually takes my kids a few days to figure out what’s different about dad.”

She gazed up at him. “I can’t picture you without the beard, but I imagine you turn a lot of heads, Dr. Durin.”

“Yeah, I don't know about that.” He set the photograph back and turned toward her. His eyes glittered in the glow of the fire. “I’m glad you’re here, you know. I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“Me, too. I was almost afraid you were going to have to work again,” she admitted softly, her heart speeding up as he curved his hands against her cheeks. 

“Nope. Dr. Durin is off duty until Saturday night.” His thumbs skimmed lightly along her cheekbones, his eyes held hers. And when he bent toward her once more, and their lips met, she let her hands come to rest on his hips. 

His lips moved teasingly against hers, and when she lightly traced along the perimeter of his lips, his breath hitched, which made her smile, and he responded by tangling his tongue with hers and drawing hers back into the welcoming heat of his mouth. 

Knots began twisting her insides, her arousal swift and sharp. Heat swirled through her, wove into those knots, tightened them further. The dull ache swept along the same path, urging her to press against him, to savor the solid feel of his body against hers.

His hands slid down from her face, along her neck. Down her arms. His thumbs danced along along the outer curves of her breasts, where he paused and slid them across, to where her nipples beaded through her satin bra cups.

She sucked in a sharp breath as he slid his thumbs over those taut beads and lighting flashes through her. With each lazy pass, the heat between her thighs worsened, bringing forth the silken dampness that tingled its way along her aching, aroused flesh. 

He caught the bottom of her sweater and slipped both hands beneath it and she held her breath as he grazed along her ribs and up to cup both breasts, where he gently kneaded them through the satin. 

Her head spun with the pleasure he sent rocketing through her, sweet and teasing as it swept along those knots that now dropped lower. She gripped the bottom of his tee shirt, tugged it up just enough to slip her hands beneath it and when she touched bare male skin, he exhaled hard into her mouth, his fingers tensing about her breasts, his thumbs teasing her bare nipples to the point where they were pebbled, all-too-sensitive peaks. 

Frerin slid his hands back down, caught the bottom of her sweater once more, and drew it up. She broke their kiss long enough to let him sweep it over her head, and then tugged him down to meet her lips once more. A moment later and her bra strap gave and he tugged the shoulder straps down off her shoulders, smiling as her bra hit the floor.

He cupped both breasts once more, teasing them with those playful thumbs, plucking at her nipples, rolling them, capturing each one of her moans, her sighs, as he did. Her entire body hummed with the need to have him, her hands moving of their own accord to first his belt, then the button on his Levi’s. The buckle rattled as she unbuckled it. The fly gave. She slid one hand in.

Frerin sucked in a sharp breath as she traced only her fingertips along the hot, sleek length of his cock. He rocked against her, a soft moan at his lips as she swept those fingertips down along his shaft, underneath it. She teased him with light strokes, around him, along him, into the soft, sensitive flesh just under the wide head. And with each pass, he rocked to meet her, tangled his tongue with hers, squeezed her breast tighter still.

She slid her forefinger through the bubble of fluid at his opening, let it coat her palm to make her next pass even more silken. He was thick and proud, and as she wrapped her fingers about him, and he thrust into her hand, the dampness between her legs increased. She could almost feel him inside her, her body clenching as if he was already there.

He broke the kiss as she traced her fingernails lightly along the underside of his shaft from base to tip, breathing, “Elena…” as he reached for the snap on her jeans.

His hand slid into them, into her heat, and her head spun wildly as his fingers slid through her arousal, along her clit, to her opening, where he thrust one inside her and teased her gently. She squeezed him, her hips moving of their own as he swirled that finger inside her, as he thrust it slowly in and eased it slowly out. Then, he shifted, and fire tore through her as he hit that magical sweet spot so many men couldn't find, never mind caress. 

Her fingers tightened about his cock, her fingernails sank into his shoulder, and she shuddered against him as he stroked her ever so sensually. Fire licked along her legs, licked between them, along her stomach and over her breasts, and she clung to him, her hand going still as he worked her so carefully into the most powerful orgasm she ever felt. It took root, the tingles ripping out from where he stroked her so sweetly, and her entire body tensed with the need to come. 

He swept back along that sweet spot, and with his thumb, did a slow, teasing pass over her now-aching clit.

She exploded.

“Frerin!” Her cry echoed around them as she pulsed around him, rocking to draw out the fiery pleasure as best she could. Her entire body tingled as if a live wire pressed against her, and she came a long gush that he drew out until she sank against him, breathless and too sensitive to be touched. 

He slipped his finger free, teased her clit with one more caress, and then whispered, “Lena…” cradling her against him as she clung to him, fighting to breathe, her body limp from the powerful rush of her climax.

He kissed her then, deep and slow, and as her head slowly cleared, she smiled up at him as he whispered, “You want to go upstairs, honey?”

“I would love to.”

He smiled. “Come on, then.”

He linked his fingers with hers, bringing her hand up to brush with a kiss, and at the top of that gracefully curved staircase, she tugged him to her, smiling as his arms slid about her and his lips found hers. He swept her up into his arms then, spiriting her the rest of the way down the hallway and into his bedroom. 

#Gerard Butler #Frerin Durin #Frerin x OC #AU #Frerin Fic #Is it hot in here? #Romance #Modern AU #ER AU #Hospital AU #Richard Armitage #The Hobbit #Thorin Oakenshield #Hobbit Fic #Hobbit Fanfic #Fan fiction #The Hobbit fan fiction

[queer-whatchamacallit]

So I’ve started a project of how I would rewrite criminal minds if given the opportunity and also the ability to research a lot of things

One of the main critiques is that everyone (Spencer) experiences an unrealistic amount of trauma that doesn’t progress them at all or makes them worse characters

This is how I would rewrite Hotch’s leaving, so it’s still traumatic but not in a senseless ‘way too many serial killers have attacked this guy’ kinda way

Jack has spent most of his life disliking that his beloved dad wasn’t there a lot but knowing that he couldn’t change this at all

He doesn’t want to say anything because he knows it’ll make Hotch feel bad, but sometimes he wonders if his dad doesn’t want to be home with him

He’s 11, and Jess tells him that Hotch is going to be late coming home again. He confides all that in her

She just tells Aaron that Jack has been having a hard time lately with the fact that Hotch is unreliable

He promises he’ll make it to Jack’s friend hangout because they all want to hear about him being in the FBI, but they had to reschedule twice

Jack starts being more distant with him

It all culminates when Hotch is working a case in New York and a snow storm is just starting to fall

It’s like 4 pm, and they’re not really getting anywhere in the case

Then Hotch gets a call from Jess saying that Jack just had a seizure lasting almost 6 minutes, and she already called an ambulance

Hearing this, he immediately drops what he’s doing, packs up his go-bag and takes one of the police cars to the airport

All of the flights are delayed because of the snow, so he starts driving in the snowy soon-to-be dark all the way to Virginia

Maybe an hour into the drive, he’s just crossed the border into Pennsylvania, there’s snow blowing wildly across the view of his headlights, it’s gotten a little bit dark, and in his desperation, he hits the car in front of him

*insert dramatic cut away to everyone else working on the case in show, except I have no idea what the case would be, so we’ll go back to the this*

It would later prove to only leave a little dent on both cars, but he put the car in park, gripped the steering wheel with whitening knuckles, and bashed his head back into the seat as hard as he can

He let out a sigh between gritted teeth and got out to greet the other driver

“One hell of a storm, huh?”

Hotch hummed. He didn’t have time to talk about the fucking weather

“Are you alright? You’re shaking.”

He’d hardly noticed. “I’m fine, but believe or not, I’m in a bit of a hurry, so I don’t mean to be rude, but I really can’t waste much time.”

“Sure thing.”

The two exchanged everything they needed to exchange before getting out of the biting cold, and Hotch resumed driving

He made it to the hospital around midnight

Jack’s doing pretty okay, but even if he knows Hotch couldn’t have gotten there any quicker, it still feels horrible that he wasn’t there for him for a very scary experience

Hotch decides to work from the office for the next couple cases, but it very quickly starts to make him antsy

A little over a month later, Jack has another seizure (this time 4 min but still) and gets diagnosed with epilepsy

Knowing that he hasn’t felt this uncomfortable in a job since his time as a prosecutor and knowing that he can’t have a repeat of fearing for hours that he might not be there for Jack, his favorite person in the world when he’s confused and terrified, he leaves the BAU

I don’t know how much of this v you’d be able to see in show, but I just like thinking about it

He starts working as a high school psych teacher in Jack’s school district (being near DC, there wasn’t exactly an opening for a criminology teacher)

He’s able to be a much better father to Jack, and he doesn’t forgive Hotch right away, but they slowly grow back together

With the reliable school schedule, Hotch is able to start attending therapy appointments and repairing the very bad everything about his brain functions

Jack convinces him to start a podcast about his BAU experience and basic profiling, and it’s fairly successful

Garcia finds it and shares it with the rest of the team

A couple years later, everyone has a sort of reunion, and Hotch seems happier than anyone’s seen him for as long as they can remember

#I would have made this an actual fic if I had any knowledge of car accidents #epilepsy or hospital stays #the special interest half: criminal minds #criminal minds #cm #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotchner #jack hotchner #jessica brooks #mr scratch #peter lewis #rewrite #criminal minds fix it #fix it au #rewrote #status epilepticus #high school teacher hotch

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday!

Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.

It is illegal to mispronounce "Arkansas" while in Arkansas.

Some penguins are prostitutes, offering sex in exchange for pebbles.

Once you fall in love, there’s no going back to just being friends.

A man once tried to rob a bank after paying $500 to a ‘wizard’ to make him invisible.

Cameron Diaz and Snoop Dogg used to go to the same high school and she bought weed from him.

Squeezing a man's testicles can kill him, due to the release of too much adrenaline.

In 2018, Munafri Arifuddin ran unopposed for mayor of Makassar, Indonesia. He lost the election to "none of the above".

82% teens don’t ring the doorbell. They text or call to say they’re outside.

Australian koalas are in danger of extinction because over half of them have chlamydia.

A man named Walter Summerford was struck by lightning three times in his life. After his death, his gravestone was also struck.

Emotional pain lasts for 10 to 20 minutes, anything longer is actually self-inflicted by over-thinking, making things worse.

In 2020, two men were arrested in Florida while carrying bags full of drugs with the words ‘Bag Full of Drugs’ written on them.

When a potential meteorite turns out to be just a rock, geologists call it a 'meteorwrong’.

The New York Museum of Modern Art has had a Mondrian painting hanging upside down for 75 years. They plan to keep it hanging as is.

In China, it’s illegal to reincarnate without filling in a government Reincarnation Application form.

The most recent winner of the Bookseller/Diagram Prize for Oddest Title Of The Year was "Is Superman Circumcised?" by Roy Schwartz.

The only difference between fog and mist is visibility: if you can’t see more than 100 metres ahead, it’s fog, not mist.

One of the best feelings comes when you realize that you're perfectly happy without the people you thought you needed most.

The sentence "Are you as bored as I am?" can be read backwards and still makes sense.

Vincent Van Gogh died penniless. He only sold one painting during his lifetime, 'The Red Vineyard'.

When you kiss someone passionately, their DNA will stay in your mouth for at least an hour afterwards.

At a restaurant, wash your hands after ordering. The menu is generally the dirtiest thing in a restaurant!

When the KGB tried to blackmail Indonesian President Sukarno with a sex tape, he is said to have been delighted and asked for more copies to be made.

When restaurants play classical music in the background, diners spend 10% more per person. When they play pop music, diners spend 10% less.

In 2020, a French man was awarded €40,000 by a court because they determined his job was so incredibly boring it had damaged his mental health.

John Harvey Kellogg, the co-creator of Corn Flakes, fostered 42 children but was so repelled by sex he never consummated his marriage.

Some of the stranger jobs listed in the 1881 UK census were ‘Turnip Shepherd’, ‘Gymnast To House Painter’, ‘Electric Bath Attendant’, ‘Examiner Of Underclothing’ and ‘Running About’.

According to a historical anecdote, a Neapolitan nobleman once fought 14 duels to prove that Dante was a better poet than Ariosto. At his deathbed, he confessed that he had read neither of them.

In 2010, a debate between the two candidates for prime minister of Australia had to be rescheduled because it conflicted with the final of ‘Masterchef’.

In 1986, two Russian pilots got into an argument over whether one could land the plane blind. Determined to prove he could, the main pilot shut the curtains and proceeded to land without vision. He missed the runaway, flipped the plane and killed 70 passengers.

In 2013, a 16-year-old girl cheated death and survived the tragic Asiana plane crash at San Francisco Airport. However, moments after the crash, she was run over and killed by a responding fire truck arriving at the scene.

To avoid US libel suits, authors will sometimes make sure to note that a fictionalized person has a small penis. For libel, it must be obvious the real person and character are the same. Men rarely want to prove in court that they are obviously the character with a small penis.

In 1940, a live broadcast of a BBC radio production of ‘Hamlet’ was so far behind the schedule that, before most of the characters had died, an announcer had to step in and say, “And there we must leave them ...”

Contrary to popular belief, Olympic athletes in ancient Greece didn't compete completely naked, they wore something called a kynodesme, a cord or string or sometimes a leather strip that was to prevent exposure in public and to restrict untethered movement of the penis during sporting competition.

Okay, that’s enough information for one day. Have a tremendous and tumultuous Tuesday! I love you all.

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #new blog #lockdown #coronavirus #books #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election #tuesdaymotivation #autumm

[nullcasting]

its freaking ants. made in an airport while waiting for my flight that got delayed by like 5 hours and then got rescheduled to 7 am bc airline companies hate me personally

[id: 3d render of a stump in a forest. There are mushrooms and moss growing up the sides. A colony of ants parade by.]

#retro 3d #retro cgi #cgi #3d art #my art #ants

[kiiimmmpost]

I want to blog everyday of my euro trip so recap of the last two days: My flight was scheduled for 6/27/22 I headed to the airport 3 hours ahead of time so I could do a rapid COVID test and have time to check my bag in. I got to JFK and there were lines to check in like I’ve never seen before. I had delta priority (an expedited check in line) and I even stood in that lane for close to 1 hour. As my checked bag cut off time was coming up (1 hour before flight is scheduled to depart) I skipped that line and went into the Diamond (highest delta status lane) to also wait the lines were just not moving. 5 minutes before cutoff I just jumped in front of the line (I asked a couple people nicely) and I still didn’t make the bag drop time by a couple minutes. We were told to go downstairs to the rebook counters and that line had to be at least 4 hours long (a lot of flights were canceled the day before which led a lot of people to be rebooked for the following day hence the lines and delays). So I get in line and start calling delta customer service to see if I can get rebooked, I ask my friend to try to call too and she calls a scam number I was so frantic to rebook I didn’t check myself i was skeptic she got through so quickly but I unfortunately gave them a lot of information; email, phone number, address, credit card, picture of my ID. It’s a nightmare for me at this point, I still haven’t gotten rebooked, so I check the flight status and it was delayed. Delayed to the point we had a chance to check our bag in 1 hour before the delayed take off so we got back into that line and made it! Flight was originally meant to depart at 7:55 was delayed several times actual flight take off 10:30 PM. Great we were able to make it to that flight but we weren’t going to make it to our next flight which was scheduled for 1 PM to ibiza as we were now landing at 11:30 AM. There wouldn’t have been time for us to go through customs and check our bag. So we rescheduled our flight to 5:15 in the afternoon this gave us time time to drop our bags off at a hostel bag storage place for our large checked bag since we were only going to ibiza a couple days 30 euro storage for 2 days not bad. After dropping our bags we head to the beach to hangout for a couple hours before our flight. We scheduled a taxi service to pick us up at 2:50 got to the airport on time made our way to the gate, our gate was changed from B to A and now delayed until 6:30 PM. At this point we are so sleep deprived and defeated. After several delays, enduring sleep deprivation $500 flight fee changes/ baggage fees later we arrive to ibiza around 7:30. Bummer because the day is practically over, we had issues at check in because that’s just the general trend of how this trip is going 30 minutes to check in, 50 minutes total to get to room because room keys weren’t working. We shower and get vending machine snacks because it’s 9 PM we are ending this nightmare loop. On a better note it’s 5 AM I’ve slept and feel rested. Looking forward to my 1 day in Ibiza going to make it the best

Pictures from the only fun we had day 1 of our trip

#Ibiza #Spain #travel

[pbandjesse]

Today was a good day. I got a lot of much needed rest. It was very humid today and that made it hard to do much. But that was alright. I had a good day.

James got home a little before midnight and we stayed up for a while chatting about our weekends and the show they were at and it was just so nice to be together again.

We would go to sleep closer to 2. I was being very silly and tried to keep them awake. But we both fell asleep pretty soon after that.

I would wake up after 10. I hate sleeping that late but I had gone to bed so late it was fine.

I was feeling really weak when I woke up. James came and got me and said they had a bagel for me. So I got up and went to get dressed.

The humidity made me feel uncomfy. But it was fine. I went and chilled in the living room and had my bagel and worked on catching up on my knitting. And that went well. I did three rows. I was feeling a little better. My foot still hurts but it doing way way better. It doesn't feel as painful through my leg and I'm not limping as much. So it was an improvement.

James would go out for a bike ride. I spent some time working on my camp packing. But James was going to do laundry soon so I wasn't going to focus on clothes. But almost everything else is ready. I have to make sure I bring my fan and I am considering getting one of those 6 can refrigerators. But I think I'll be pretty good overall comfort wise.

I got a group text from puhtok asking if anyone would do a pickup at the airport. And I wasn't like thrilled but I volunteered and was looking forward to meeting new friends.

I would play a little bit of Stardew. Got myself into the summer so I can grow the melons I need for the green house which is my big goal. I also started just building new buildings for fun.

I put on some more glitter nail polish. And soon James was home for a bit. They would start laundry and hang out with me for a little. They went to get some groceries and put gas in the car. They would clear out the car so I would have space for the pick ups luggage. I appreciate them so much.

Heather texted me that two of the councilors flights for canceled and rescheduled for tomorrow. So I just had one person to pick up. And honestly that was for the best. I could not fit all their luggage in the car I think. Two suitcases is the max I guess.

I would leave here around 4 and drove out to the airport. I was a little early so I drove past arrivals so I would know what to describe to the girl, Laura, and then went to wait in the cellphone lot. I wasn't entirely sure what the cellphone lot was but Google said they are free and it was so that was cool.

I waited for a little while. But I had tracked the flight and she landed like 5 minutes after I got there.

She texted me and I told her no rush at all. We coordinated and she was a little lost but I found her! And she so sweet!

We had a lot of time to talk. Because we got stuck in like an hours worth of traffic. But we were having the best time. It is her first time in America! She's from Ireland and is so nice to listen to. She is interested in nature and that's what she's studying. We had lots of laughs. Loved talking about things people in Ireland believed about America and how people apparently pretend to be American high schoolers and it was so interesting. She had some ideas of things she wanted to try, food and stuff. She also said Irish people love going to find goofy fakey Irish pubs. She told me a turkey dinner is a much more normal meal back home then like corn beef and cabbage, which is something she has actually never had.

I was having a blast even though the traffic sucked. And we would get to camp about 630. Laura was taking pictures of all the nature and I was pointing things out and it was great.

We checked it at the office. Alexi and Elizabeth were there and they said there was another international counselor already here. So after some chatting I would drive us up to bontkirchen to get Laura settled in.

Molly, the other international, would come in soon after we started moving the furniture around. I chilled with them for a bit talking. It is also Molly's first time in America. I am really excited about this and this summer and I might already be sleeping over Wednesday so that is extra exciting.

I was very hungry though so I said goodbye to my new friends and headed out. Thankfully I did not have any traffic on the way home. And I was back here in no time.

When I got back here James had made me a quesadilla. And we chilled on the couch. I did some computer stuff. And James was upset that the washing machine didn't drain and so our laundry is messed up. But it's fine.

I took a bath. And now I'm laying in bed with James. My eyes are very tired.

I hope tomorrow is a fun day. I hope you all sleep great. Take care of yourself! Goodnight!!

[chloemarievaughan]

Scotland with Grey- Trains, the Highlands, and Whisky! May 1-2

I asked Grey earlier this year if he would be interested in doing a trip with me somewhere… without any hesitation he immediately said, “Scotland!” And so I planned our next adventure! I did the lions share of the planning as I enjoy planning my Europe trips, but to check with grey about my planned itinerary, I texted him “shall I assume your Scotland requests are: trains, the highlands, and whisky haha” And he replied “💯” and so that is much the theme of our trip :)

Grey is living in Denver now, and so I looked for flights for us with the same layover so we would arrive in Edinburgh together. there was only one option; we would meet up in the toronto airport. The downside was that I was planned to have a 5 hour layover which is definitely on the longer end. So I bought our tickets and then not two weeks later my flight was rescheduled to an EIGHT hour layover which was pretty excessive. I got pretty familiar with the international departures terminal at the Toronto airport, spent time walking laps back and forth, sitting in a variety of chairs for about 45 minutes each. I did get one short nap in which I imagine looked odd laying my head on the table where I was sitting 😂

I am currently getting over a nasty sinus infection and will spare you the gory details but I did drink a lot of tea in the airport, and ate some spicy curry soup for lunch in the hopes it would clear my nose. I also brought the 4th Harry Potter book in French that i am STILL trying to finish- but I read French way slower than English so I would probably finish most English books in 8 hours. I did read like 200 pages of the book over the long day and some on the plane!

Grey showed up after I had been in the airport for about 5.5 hours, by which time I knew all of the best places to sit and the variety of dining options and art installations in the terminal, so we found some dinner and then it was time to board the plane! For some reason, my ticket would NOT let me choose a seat but grey was able to: so he elected to sit next to me, even sacrificing to sit in the middle seat. The Toronto to Edinburgh flight is Very short for an international flight, under 7 total hours. This doesn’t leave much time to actually sleep. Grey and I strategized this oppositely; Grey has a two hour longer time difference to Edinburgh than I do, and so he was essentially planning to push through the flight, sleep a bit on the train the next morning, but more or less doing an all nighter. I need my beauty sleep so I planned to close my eyes the instant the meal was served and keep them closed for 4 hours until breakfast was being served. I am not sure how much I actually slept- thanks to two crying babies that seemed to be keeping each other awake all night on and off, and one crying would usually set off the other one. but Grey only slept for about 30 minutes. Getting off the plane in Edinburgh made me glad we weren’t meeting in the Edinburgh airport- lots more to distract you in the Toronto airport. We then took the tram to the Haymarket train station about a 25 minute ride away and had another wait for our train which left at 10:37 to Inverness. The train left at 8:37 or 10:37, but 8:37 seemed like too tight a connection so I booked the later train. We would have made it in plenty of time, so had to kill like 2.5 hours: went to a little Turkish cafe for breakfast- had some excellent avocado toast, grey had a traditional English breakfast, and I had some delicious lemongrass ginger tea. I was testing a theory about the timing of my caffeine consumption on adjusting to the time difference so I didn’t have coffee on the plane, waiting until about 9:30 am. We went to a cafe next to the Turkish place that had cozy armchairs and Delicious filter coffee- usually I don’t like the actual coffee in Europe, preferring to get espressos, but it was very tasty. There were two Giant very friendly dogs wandering the cafe wanting to play fetch and get pet. It was finally time for our train and both grey and I fell immediately asleep the second we sat down. According to our booking, our seats were forward facing, but when we got to the seats they were backward facing and grey was a little motion sick, but surprisingly I was okay with it. Train seats aren’t That comfortable for sleeping but it still was so much better than the plane!

I slept for about the first hour of the four hour train to our first city, Inverness. I woke up and peeked outside and saw spectacular rolling hills and farmland with sheep, horses and cows and I was suddenly full of energy and enjoyed looking out the window and seeing the sights. I bought more tea when the trolley lady went by on the train with her cart. We went into the highlands, seeing the Cairngorms National Park (which we are visiting tomorrow!) past tons of little towns and villages dotting the hills, and there are yellow gorse bushes that are blooming now and dotting the hills. The trees are *just* starting to bud; another week or two it will really be spring.

I sent my friend Bridget a picture of me wearing my trusty sun hat on the plane and she replied “Yay!!!!! :) I love how you have a sun hat for Scotland! Is it supposed to be sunny at all when you’re there??” which the answer is no, it really was not supposed to be sunny. However I would feel incomplete traveling without a sun hat and also this one is a new one I just purchased for $6 on clearance at target because I left my old one on a train in Amsterdam 😂 however, it actually was sunny for our first day here! Not a cloud in the sky sunny! Not usual for Scotland and likely to be rare for the rest of my trip but now my hat is justified :)

We arrived in Inverness and our air bnb was a short walk away. Not obvious from google maps is that it was a short walk straight up a ton of stairs! Though I crammed everything in a carry on, I did not exactly pack lightly; I was definitely out of breath by the top of the stairs!

Our air bnb is a cute tiny apartment on a quiet residential street a few minutes from the city center. There is a bedroom and a pullout couch in the living room, so Grey doesn’t have to endure my snoring from my sinus congestion lol, and a tiny cute kitchen. our air bnb host sent some welcoming messages and left us some treats and small breakfast items and some milk in the fridge for our tea/ cereal which was nice!

After a quick shower- 24 hours of traveling and I felt like a human being again after that shower! And then we went for a walk around Inverness to kill some time before dinner. This was Beautiful- we walked along the river, past churches, parks, flowers, restaurants, and trees, back and forth across some bridges on the river and winding up at some creatively named islands on the River Ness called the Ness Islands. The sun was out and the people of Inverness were all walking their dogs, strolling along the river and out on bikes, but we were walking away from the city so it wasn’t too crowded. Grey is a very brisk walker so we were booking it around the river, a good reason that we have planned to go on separate hikes later in the week haha. The second half of our walk was significantly less scenic; Grey doesn’t like to walk the same way twice, so we tried to walk back along the opposite bank; an unfortunate construction detour meant we walked most of the way back around a large set of soccer fields and past the construction instead of back along the scenic riverwalk. We then made it to our dinner reservation, which was a sort of trendy American restaurant that served interesting cocktails and burgers, and wouldn’t have felt out of place in Columbus. I had my first scotch of the trip in cocktail form, essentially a scotch and soda with apple, and a pretty solid Mac n cheese. The neighboring table ordered a drink that was poured over a cotton candy base to dissolve, and they had a smoked cocktail that looked incredible but I can’t smell out of my nose so I felt it was a waste to buy a fancier drink if I can’t fully taste 😂 grey had a Scottish beer. When we finished there it was only 6:00, so while I didn’t particularly want another drink, we wound up at another bar for a nightcap. The place wasn’t really our style but we were too tired to find someplace better haha, it was kind of frou frou and looked like a great place for happy hour with the girls haha, and all the cocktails were super sweet and fruity. Grey ordered some scotch and I ordered a fruity cocktail that I did NOT enjoy and still could not taste/ smell so grey also drank that one. We made it back to the apartment at 7, got ready for bed, and chatted until we both crashed at about 8 pm, excited for the trip ahead!