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michaelmilligan · 2 years

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May 27th! My last entry for Angelsweek!

Prompts: Redemption/Sacrifice/Faith

My angel of the day: Michael

To be or not to be – Michael had never believed that this silly little line from a silly little play that Adam sometimes cited could ever be relevant to his life. And yet here he was, wondering. Was he? How could he, when he had been killed by his father?

He'd been sure that he didn't exist anymore, not in any meaningful capacity. But there he lay, on the metaphorical ground, surrounded by metaphorical walls. The gleaming light of Heaven that had once been familiar and was now, after the Cage, after the Empty, after everything, almost too much for his many eyes to behold.

“I think he's awake,” a voice said, vaguely familiar in two entirely conflicting ways. Blinking against the glare, Michael suddenly realized that it was not just Heaven's light that was all but blinding him. It was also God. But not his Father.

He kept blinking.

“Is he-” Castiel leaned forward over God's shoulder, making a vague hand gesture.

“Are you alright?” God asked, with all the innocence of a child.

Because He was a child.

“You're the nephil,” Michael said, his voice strange to his own senses. Maybe it was because he so rarely spoke in his true voice these days. Or maybe it was the utter confusion that filled his very being. Who could tell.

(Adam. Adam would be able to tell. But he was gone. And so should Michael be.)

“Jack,” Castiel said primly. “His name is Jack.”

God – Jack – smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“That depends. Why am I in Heaven? How am I here?”

Castiel glanced at Jack, who just kept smiling. “I brought you back.”

Michael stared at him. “You're God now.” He supposed that had been the plan. For Jack to absorb the Heavenly Father's powers. But Michael hadn't really believed it would work.

“Yes,” Jack – God – said easily. “Thank you for your help with that.”

Castiel frowned, squinting. Jack just looked at Michael like everything was clear.

Maybe to him, it was. As God, he would know everything. Including Michael's reason for 'betraying' the Winchesters.

(Having overheard their real plan from the corridor while they'd had a beer in the kitchen had been rather sobering. Drowning in his grief and anger as he had been, with no real hope for the future, Michael hadn't seriously considered reaching out to his Father. But knowing that this was the only way the Winchesters' plan would have any chance of success, he'd done so, had played the devout son one more time. He'd never taken himself for an actor, but maybe he hadn't needed to be one. His Father had never paid enough attention to him to see through such a deception, anyway.)

“You revived me,” Michael concluded. “For what purpose?” Was he to be a weapon again? A tool? Jack must know that he wouldn't willingly bend to his command, not anymore.

The boy looked at him seriously. “Humanity got a second chance. I figured we should give the same to the angels.”

“What angels?” Michael asked.

“Not all of them,” another familiar voice said from a metaphorical doorway. Gabriel. His eyes were as cold as Michael remembered them in the last days before he left Heaven. “Just a couple.”

There were so many questions, so many things that Michael wanted to say to his brother as he saw him for the first time in hundreds, no, thousands of years. But the only thing that he could formulate was: “Why me?”

“I asked the same,” Gabriel said dryly, looking at Jack. “He said you deserved it.”

Gabriel didn't think he deserved it. Of course not.

It wasn't much of a surprise, but it was still... what was the human term? Heartbreaking?

Michael didn't have a heart to break. Not a literal one, at least.

And yet.

“Brother,” Michael said, but Gabriel shook his head, turning away.

“Heaven was your home once. I know you didn't return after the cage, but now... Would you help us rebuild?” Jack asked.

Michael considered the new God for a moment. “I'm not very good at building,” he said, apparently to Castiel's surprise. “I was made to slay God's enemies, to be His sword. If you need someone to repair what's broken...” Hope flickered inside him. “Have you brought Raphael back?”

The disdain in Castiel's eyes cracked his hope. When Jack shook his head, it shattered completely. “No.”

“Considering the past, we thought it better not to,” Castiel said.

Michael was sure that all his eyes were frowning.

“He tried to kill Cas,” Jack eventually said.

“I would have liked to kill him too, at several points.” There was no point in mincing his words, really. He couldn't pretend to be the loyal soldier he'd once been, could never hope to be what this new God wanted him to be. And he didn't want to be. “You should send me back. What you're asking is impossible.”

“You want to go back to the Empty?” Castiel stared at him in horror.

Rolling several of his eyes, Michael let out a huff. “Of course not. Don't be stupid. But there's no place for me here anymore.” Michael looked around himself at the sleek walls of the Heavenly Palace. They weren't in the throne room. In fact, they weren't in any room that Michael recognized. Maybe they had already changed some things. Or perhaps Michael had been too holed up in strategy meetings and issuing orders to really know Heaven at all.

When had he last roamed the many halls of the Heavenly Edifice? When last stepped outside, into the Gardens? He could barely remember.

Jack looked at him kindly. “Where would be your place?”

Something ached deep inside of Michael's being. “The humans,” he said after a moment, drawing another surprised look from Castiel. “You brought them back? All of them?”

“Yes. All that were taken by Chuck.”

Adam was alive, then. If Michael had been able to take or let out a breath, it would have been one of relief. “I don't suppose you have any posts on Earth,” he said shakily. Closed some of his eyes. “No, forget it.” It would just be additional torture. To be so near to Adam but not allowed to go to him.

“You're thinking about Adam,” Jack said, matter-of-factly.

“Who?” Gabriel asked, still in the doorway.

“His vessel,” Castiel answered for him, and wasn't that a woefully inappropriate descriptor?

“He's my friend.” That also didn't even begin to cover their relationship, but it was at least better than just vessel.

“Is he?” Gabriel asked, clearly not convinced.

“You could be with him”, Jack said gently. When he spoke, everything zeroed in on him. Not in a painful, attention-snapping way, but softly, as if everything else washed out for a moment and one's focus was naturally drawn to Him. Michael didn't know if he used God's powers, or if it happened because he was talking about Adam. “If you want.”

“What about what Adam wants?” Castiel spoke up hotly, a look of betrayal on his face as he broke the spell. Clearly enraged that his surrogate son was offering up the life of a human.

As loathe as Michael was to admit it, Castiel was right. It didn't matter what Michael wanted.

But Jack's smile just kept growing softer. “Don't worry.” It was almost a whisper. Some of his eyes started glowing, and soon Michael was hit with the sound of another voice – Adam's.

Michael, if you can hear me-

I know Sam and Dean said you were dead, but man, if there's any way-

They said you betrayed them, and honestly, I'm not mad, I just wish I could have been there to see their faces-

Prayers. Several of them, all at once, tumbling into each other as Michael tried to comprehend what was happening.

“They couldn't quite reach you in the Empty. So I stored them for you,” Jack said, much to the confusion of Gabriel and Castiel, who couldn't hear the prayers. They were directed at Michael directly.

Michael gave himself a moment to take in the meaning of all the words, certain ones coming up again and again. Please come back. I need you.

I love you.

Adam. Adam...

“Having another archangel back in the universe will be very stabilizing. It doesn't matter if you're in Heaven or on Earth.”

“Jack-” Castiel cut himself off when God looked at him.

“It's okay. Everything will be alright, Cas.”

Though seeming conflicted, Castiel dropped the topic.

But Michael couldn't simply go. Even if it meant being with Adam sooner. “Raphael is a healer,” he said. Realizing he was still on the metaphorical floor, he got up, drawing himself up to what was almost his full height. In a way, that made him taller than Jack – though of course, he was really far smaller than God. “Surely you can use a healer.”

“We need angels we can trust,” Castiel snapped at him, wings splaying aggressively.

“And yet you brought me back,” Michael replied in kind, though he only flapped his wings once in agitation, then tried to relax them again.

They glared at each other.

“Maybe it's not such a bad idea. Other than Michael, Raphael has the most experience with running Heaven, right? So since Michael won't be here, maybe-”

“Jack, no-”

“What am I, chopped liver?” Gabriel rolled his eyes when Castiel and Jack turned to him in surprise. “Okay, maybe I never ran the place myself, but I had to watch this asshat do it for millennia.” He gestured towards Michael. “And I helped!”

“He did,” Michael said quietly. “Still, Raphael-”

“He made his choice hundreds of years ago!” Gabriel bellowed.

“Well so did I! And yet you're giving me a second chance!”

“If it were up to me, we wouldn't have!”

Michael fell silent, his rage ebbing in the face of his brother's continuing disdain. “I know,” he said simply. “Believe me, I know.”

Lucifer had told him, in those long years in the cage, before he had written Michael off as insane. He had told him what Gabriel had said in their last meeting – how he would have fought Michael the same as Lucifer, if it had been him in that room. For a while, Michael had tried not to believe him, waving it off as another one of his brother's lies. But eventually he'd had to admit to himself that it was only all too plausible.

Gabriel turned away again, furious.

“I'll think about Raphael,” Jack promised, much to Castiel's obvious displeasure.

“Great. Just great!” Gabriel ranted. “How about you bring Lucy back while you're at it, huh?!”

Jack cast his eyes downward – at least most of them.

“Gabriel, don't be ridiculous,” Castiel hissed.

“There's no hope for Lucifer,” Michael said sadly.

“He once said much the same about you,” Castiel muttered. Not to disprove his point, since all he seemed to feel for Lucifer was hatred. But apparently his disdain of Michael was almost on par. ('An entire oak tree up your ass' he had said. Michael still wasn't sure if it had been a ploy to get him closer, or if it had been a genuine sentiment. Maybe both.)

“Yes,” Michael confirmed. “Once I started talking more to Adam than interacting with Lucifer, he seemed to think I'd gone insane.” Letting him think that had been a blow to his ego at first, but ultimately it had kept Lucifer from attacking him. After all, why fight an enemy who was already crazy and therefore no real threat?

Gabriel snorted. “Of course he did. Dude has hated humans ever since dad thought of making them.”

That wasn't entirely correct, but Michael didn't want to argue with his brother anymore.

“Gabriel,” Jack said, “could you please show Michael to Earth?”

They all looked at God.

“I know the way,” Michael said defensively. Even though he wasn't completely sure where in the Heavenly Edifice he was, he could certainly find the Gates. That, he was sure of.

“I know. But I'm sure some people would feel better if Gabriel accompanied you,” Jack explained, glancing at Castiel.

Ah. That was it, then. The trust in him only went that deep.

“Okay, but why me?” Gabriel questioned, clearly annoyed. “If Cassie is so worried, then he can go himsel-”

“Gabriel, you're the only other archangel here. Who else could possibly do this?” Jack was adamant, but there was still a smile on his face.

After some grumbling, Gabriel eventually agreed to accompany Michael to the Gates. Instead of walking with him, though, he kept behind him, doing the angelic equivalent of shuffling down the hall.

They only passed two angels, but each of them jumped out of their way as soon as they realized who they were. Michael nodded at them in greeting, but Gabriel shoved him each time. “Keep going.”

Directing some of his eyes in Gabriel's direction, Michael eventually said: “You're behaving like this is a prison transfer.”

“Well maybe it should be.”

“I'm not going to harm anyone, Gabriel.”

“I'll believe it when I see it.”

Frustrated, Michael stopped and turned around. “What exactly do you think I'm going to do? Go on a killing spree in Heaven? Rise up against the new God and get fucking exploded again?!”

Gabriel stared at him in confusion. Annoyed, Michael continued walking.

“Huh. Guess even the Prince of Heaven learned how to curse.”

“I spent over a thousand years in the cage. And you can only talk about the creation of the universe so often.” Of course, Adam had always been happy to listen to him talk about those old days, entranced by his descriptions of how the suns and planets were formed. But Michael had grown tired of it quickly, and had instead listened to Adam talk about his life. Inconsequential as it had seemed at first, it had been a fascinating insight into both humanity and Adam himself.

Plus, the stories about Adam's mother had never failed to captivate Michael. Kate Milligan had been an exceptional woman – hard-working, kind and, above all, endlessly patient and forgiving. Even when Adam had broken her rules, she had never been angry. Not truly. Even when disappointed, she had always made it clear that she loved Adam.

There were no minimum requirements for her love. No expectations Adam needed to fulfil in order to be loved by his mother.

He simply was loved, and everything else (good behaviour, excellent grades) was a bonus.

Michael had been fascinated by this dynamic, had always wanted to hear more stories about this puzzling parenting style. Surely, he'd thought, there must be at least one criteria on which Kate's love for her son hinged. Some requirement that spoke for his overall usefulness and which, if failed once, would cloud her perception of Adam forever.

But no. Her love had never wavered. At least in Adam's stories, Kate had always stayed his closest friend and confidante. It was entirely strange, and absolutely mesmerizing.

“Where's your head?” Gabriel asked in the present.

His True Form had no designated head, but Michael knew what he meant. “Earth,” he said simply. “Humanity.”

“Maybe you are insane. Since when do you care about humans?”

“Father tasked us with protecting them. I suppose that's just one of many commands I failed to carry out,” Michael mused.

“Well to be fair, dad also told you to end the world like, five minutes later. Dude could never get his own story straight.”

Straight – Adam would have chuckled at the use of that word. Would have mentioned how God had certainly failed to make him straight.

“Do you know how long it has been since I died?” Michael asked, suddenly hit with anxiety. What if Adam had mourned him and moved on? How old had those prayers been? What if he had found a different partner, a human one better suited to him-

“A couple weeks, I think,” Gabriel said, interrupting Michael's whirling thoughts.

“Ah.” That was good. Not a long time at all. Though Michael supposed it was still possible that Adam had changed his mind. After living a purely human life again for a while, maybe he had realized just how much he had missed by letting an archangel play hitch-hiker.

Well, there was only one way to find out.

“So this is it.” They had arrived at the Heavenly Gates. Gabriel hung back, a weird look in his eyes. “You're just gonna leave and hang out on Earth. You do realize how ironic that is, right?”

Michael thought about it. Last time, it had been Gabriel who had left to stay on Earth. “Yes, I realize that. Look, Gabriel-”

“Don't-”

“I'm sorry.”

All of Gabriel's eyes widened, and even the last ones which had been looking somewhere else snapped over to him. “You're what?!”

“Sorry. I shouldn't have...” Michael struggled to get the words out. He'd never been good at apologizing. “You were right. That whole fight, the apocalypse business... it was useless. Senseless violence. I mean, don't get me wrong, Lucifer needed to be stopped. But I suppose we both know now what the supposed 'paradise on Earth' would have looked like. What it looked like in that other world.”

“You saw that.”

“Castiel showed it to me. Hard to ignore when the images are being shoved right into your head.”

“Your head?” Gabriel asked mockingly.

“My consciousness. Our head. Whatever.” Michael frowned. “Actually also our consciousness. Adam saw the pictures as well. It was very... overwhelming for him.”

“Wait, your vessel saw that stuff? He was... awake?”

“Of course. Adam is... was always conscious. I suppose he also is now, since there is- but he would have to sleep.” Michael frowned. He hadn't really considered how his absence would have impacted Adam's life. To be fair, though, he'd only woken up a few minutes ago and hadn't had time to consider all that yet.

“You really want to go back to him.” Gabriel was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

Of course he did. But perhaps he should stay here to make amends with his siblings... Please come back, Adam's voice rang in his metaphorical ears. I love you.

“I do,” Michael said. “Gabriel... I can come back later if you-”

“Why the hell would I want that? Good riddance!” Whirling around, Gabriel made a throwaway motion. “We don't need you here.”

“I know. You'll be a good leader,” Michael said quietly.

Gabriel scoffed, but didn't argue. Just when Michael had turned toward the Gate and was ready to step out, Gabriel spoke up again: “I suppose you could... come by. If you wanted to. Jack would probably let you in.” A beat of silence. “Not that I care.”

“I see.” Michael couldn't help it, his grace pulsed in a modicum of relief and joy. “Then I will see you later. And please at least think about reviving Raphael?”

Gabriel sighed, but it also sounded relieved. “Get outta here,” he said, without any heat.

Michael did. Stepping out of Heaven, he thought that maybe – just maybe – the relationship to his brother was salvageable yet.

#Michael my poor little meow meow #And Gabe my best friend Gabe!#Who totally doesn't want to make up with his brother what are you talking about 😤#I think they'll figure things out. But it'll take a while.#One more entry for the secret good SPN (fix-it) that lives in my head #Or maybe not a fix-it maybe it's canon and the Winchesters just never found out #Anyway #Michael SPN #Gabriel SPN #Midam (mentioned)#Quick writing #<- Keep forgetting to use my writing tag I need to do better

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kerryweaverlesbian · 4 months

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Cas: Dean I think you should take some time to heal. Heaven and Hell are mostly calm. Maybe the timing is right.

Cas: [Leaves]

Dean: 🧍‍♂️

#MAYBE THE TIMING IS. RIGHT. CASTIEL YOU'RE KILLING HIM #AND ME YOU'RE KILLING ME #the bait. the bait. the BAITING #I'm going to RIP MY SKIN OFF #THEY WERE BAITING. USSSS. YOU'RE NOT CRAZY.#you know. for a few episodes there I was like maybe I'm cooling on destiel and then they hit me with the. stolen moments of tenderness.#and I'm back the fuck in #(cooling on thinking destiel Is Canon not on the secret good destiel that lives in our heads)#spn liveblog

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fuckspn · 5 months

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oh my god sorry i think it's just now 3 years after the fact really hitting me that cas is CANONICALLY queer. it is a canon fact of the show supernatural that cas is not straight. cas fell in romantic love with dean and that is not something we had to will into existence like the secret good spn that lives in our heads, that is something that textually happened in the story of supernatural that we and the general audience all watched play out on our screens. i'm looking at a gifset of cas rn and that is the face of a character who is canonically attracted to men and specifically to dean. the angel is literally gay why are we not talking about this 24/7

#jingle jangle in my VEINS

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spnexploration · 4 months

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Escort

Synopsis: Dean needs an escort to help him with his cover on a case (more of a case fic with flirting, no smut)

Pairing: I see it as Dean Winchester x reader but could be read as Dean Winchester x OC (no physical descriptions are given and she goes by what is clearly a fake name the whole time)

Warnings: Canon-typical violence

Words: 3k

This fulfils the Escort square of my 2023 SPN AU Bingo @spnaubingo

A/N: It's nice to write a really competent, confident female character!

Supernatural writing masterlist

“Dean,” Sam implored, “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Sammy, I swear to God, you keep whining about the plans and I’m gonna stop telling you the plans.”

“She’s a distraction at best, and a liability at worst!”

Dean rounded on him, “Is your complaint because she sells her services?”

“What? No.”

“Really? Because you’ve sure made a lot of jokes over the years about women in her line of business.”

“Dean, stop it. I’m worried about her getting hurt, or getting you hurt.”

“It will be fine. For all she knows, I just needed a girl to make me look good to the other suits. She won’t even know I’m casing the joint while we mingle. Nothing will happen, you and I will go back later without the girl. Girl will just earn some easy cash looking pretty.”

Sam sighed. Dean took that as a win. He gave his brother one last look before grabbing his keys off the motel room table. “I’ll go find a girl.”

---

Dean rolled down the window as he pulled up to a girl standing on the street corner. He was already in a tux. “Hey sweetheart,” he said as he rolled down the window. “You wanna have a Pretty Woman moment tonight?”

She looked like she was struggling to control the urge to roll her eyes. He liked her already.

“Hey handsome,” she said, leaning through the open car window. “What did you have in mind?”

“I need an escort for a big fancy party my work is throwing.”

“And you didn’t want to call a real escort service?”

“The others probably know all of them.” She laughed. “So I thought I’d branch out.” In reality, he didn’t want the arrangement written down anywhere.

“And let me guess, you want some services that aren’t available on their menu, too?”

“Nah, strictly escort tonight. Possibly the easiest money you’ll make, except for the need to smile your way through painful small talk about the best way to fold napkins.”

“And what would you have me wear?” she asked in a sultry voice.

“I got ya a dress. It’s in the back, we’ll go to the service station and you can get changed in the bathroom.”

“How long’s the party?”

“Few hours.”

“I charge $120/hr.”

“Fine.”

She opened the car door and slid inside. “Nice car,” she remarked as she ran her hands over the seat.

“My Baby’s the best,” Dean replied with a smirk, before speeding off.

---

Dean pulled up to the line of cars waiting to go into the party. He turned to the woman beside him, now resplendent in a beautiful dress he’d gotten at the op shop earlier that afternoon.

“Uh, I uh, I forgot to ask. What should I call you?” he said, suddenly awkward.

She laughed. “You can call me… Hazel.”

“Alright, Hazel it is. Where’d we meet?”

“The street corner.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “I had a flat and you helped me with it.”

“Ok. Recently?” He enjoyed letting her lead.

“Just the other day.”

“Sounds good.”

“So, what do I call you, handsome?”

“Drake,” Dean said, his hand on the car door handle as a valet came up to greet them. He headed around the car and opened her door, holding his hand out to help her out. He reached his arm around her waist and held her to him. “I’m new at the company,” he whispered, “So not many people know me.”

She shot him a quick, concerned glance before schooling her features back into a smile. Dean led her up the steps and into the party, flashing two tickets on his way past.

---

The party was going well. No one seemed to mind that they’d never seen him before in their lives, and Hazel fit in better than he could have imagined. He hadn’t expected that the girl he’d gotten off a street corner would be able to pull off the escort idea, but he’d been hoping she would take the attention away from him. That wasn’t happening now that she was actually good at it, but instead they seemed to be blending in. He’d take it.

He put his hand on the small of her back and leaned down to her ear, “I gotta go to the bathroom, I’ll be back.” She smiled at him and he walked off. He glanced around the room, but he couldn’t see the artefact he was looking for.

He headed into another room, still surreptitiously checking out the walls and display cases. He headed for an empty corridor and pulled his phone out, quickly dialling Sam. “Yo, you got any idea where this thing might be? It’s not in the main hall.”

“Dean, you are the one who said that was exactly where it would be and we didn’t need any further investigation!”

“Yeah, well, I might be wrong. Zero amulets.”

“I dunno, keep scoping out the place. What’d you do with the girl?”

“Told her I was going to the bathroom, so I can’t take too long.”

“Yet another reason it was a bad idea to take her.”

“Shut it, bitch.” Dean hung up the phone, Sam was no use.

He quickly scoped out the room closest to him before deciding he needed to head back to his date.

---

She smiled as he approached. “You took a while,” she said.

“Couldn’t find it, and then there was a line of women. They take forever.”

“You try peeing in one of these dresses.”

“Nah, I’m good,” he said with a grin. She really was perfect, he’d like to have taken her out for real some time.

He glanced around, seeing the drinks table. “You want another-” he started to ask, before fading out. He saw it, the amulet. It was around the neck of the bloody hostess of the party. Not. Good.

“Yes?” Hazel asked, drawing his attention back to her.

“I- uh- sorry.”

“You see something you like?” she said with a smirk, following his line of sight to the beautiful woman with the amulet.

“Oh, no, just, you know, lost my train of thought.”

“Uh huh,” she replied, deadpan.

He looked back at her properly, “Tonight’s all about you, sweetheart.” He flashed her a smile, that usually worked.

“Let’s go talk to her, if you’re so enamoured,” she said, starting to walk towards the lady.

“No! No, wait!” he said, reaching for her hand to prevent her getting near the woman. He had a sneaking suspicion that being near the amulet would’ve been very bad for the hostess, given the descriptions he’d read about its powers. It hadn’t been entirely clear, but he had a feeling she might be being possessed by a powerful being. He didn’t want Hazel anywhere near her.

Hazel rolled her eyes and tugged her hand of his grip, heading towards the woman. “No, Hazel!” Dean said, which brought the attention of the hostess on him.

“HUNTERS!” she yelled, suddenly holding a fireball in her hand. Fuck, a witch. Hazel had paused in shock, so Dean grabbed her waist and pulled her behind him. Others were screaming and running. The witch threw the fireball, Dean dived out of the way and pulled Hazel along with him. He raced to hide behind the bar as she threw another one. The room was rapidly emptying of party-goers, running for their lives.

He reached into his pants and pulled out his gun. “Stay down,” he hissed at Hazel, who had just peeked over the bar. To his dismay, he saw her reach up under her dress and similarly pull out a gun. He groaned.

“NYPD, we can discuss your activities later,” she whispered to him.

“Of all the women on all the street corners, I got the secret cop.” She started looking like she was going to peek over the bar again and he pulled sharply on her arm to keep her down. “If those aren’t witch-killing bullets, you’ve got no chance.”

“Of all the thieves on all the street corners, I had to get the deranged one who thinks witches are real.”

“You see that fireball she threw at us? That ain’t normal, sweetheart.”

Speaking of fireballs, one took that moment to crash into the glass mirror above them, raining small pieces of glass all over them. Dean sheltered Hazel’s body with his own, then pulled out his phone.

“She’s a freaking witch, Sam!” he hissed into the phone after Sam had picked up. “We’re under attack.”

“Who is?”

“The woman who owns the amulet, she’s wearing it!”

There was a loud crack as the bar they were hiding behind took a frontal hit. It wasn’t going to last much longer.

“I’m on my way,” Sam said in the phone.

“That might be too late,” Dean replied, looking for an exit strategy. He couldn’t see one.

“There!” Hazel hissed, pointing at a door in the panelling of the back wall of the bar area. She crawled over to it, wrenching it open. “It’s a dumbwaiter.”

“Get in it,” Dean replied, “I’ll send you down.”

“No, we can both get in it. You’re not going to survive by yourself here.” To emphasise her point, more of the mirror exploded above her head. He was pretty sure the witch was just playing with them now.

He stood up, trying to get a good shot at the witch. She was surrounded by henchmen and impossible to fire at, but she threw another fireball at him.

“Ok,” he said, crossing quickly to her.

“You get in first,” Hazel ordered.

“No.”

“We’ll only fit if I’m on top of you, get in.”

He saw the determination on her face and surrendered. He awkwardly climbed in to the cramped space, then held out his hands to take her. She squished herself in on top of him, hitting a button on the side before closing the door. The cart began to drop.

Dean held his gun up, pointed at the door, as Hazel unlatched it. They were in the wine cellar, with no one around. The staff had probably run off at the sound of the gun fight upstairs. It was even harder to get out then it had been to get in, but they managed it.

Dean took a look around, looking for a door that might lead to the outside. “There,” Hazel whispered, pointing at a door to the left of them. He nodded and followed her, pulling his phone back out of his pocket.

“Sam?”

“Thank God,” Sam replied. He could hear the sound of a car, Sam must’ve jacked one. “What’s going on?”

“We’re in the cellar.”

“Ok, you’re going to need to get out and meet me so we can go back in and gank the witch.”

“I don’t think that’s going to work, Sam. They’re going to be looking for us.”

“What’s your plan?”

“I go back in, gank the witch. Sam, you get Hazel out.”

“Uh huh,” Hazel said, spinning back to him, “And how exactly are you going to do that alone?”

“Sweetheart, this ain’t my first rodeo.”

“As I might have mentioned earlier, mine either.”

“Can someone explain what is going on?” Sam yelled from the phone.

“Hazel’s a cop,” Dean replied, moving very close to her. “But no witch-killing bullets and this ain’t your normal perp, so you’re not coming with me.”

“You try to stop me going in there and it’s a crime,” she glared at him. “Obstruction of justice.”

“The justice you were looking for tonight was men who want to pick up sex workers, not witches who want to kill.”

“I’m multi-tasking.”

“The hell you are.”

“OI!” Sam yelled again. “Can you two stop squaring off for one minute to come up with a plan so you don’t both die?”

“Fine.”

“Right,” Sam continued. “How many witch-killing bullets you got left, Dean?”

“4.”

“Give me 2,” Hazel replied.

“That will halve our chances, sweetheart.”

“You keep being that arrogant and I’ll cuff you to the dumbwaiter.”

“Jesus Christ, can you both stop it?!” Sam complained.

“Ok. I give you two bullets, and then what?”

“I go in as bait,” Hazel responded, “and you hide. If the moment presents itself, you shoot.”

“You are not going in there as bait. I did not drag an innocent into this to get killed. I’ll be bait, you hide.”

She glared at him, but eventually nodded.

“And you’re taking 3 of the bullets.”

“That’s suicide.”

“It increases our chances of you ganking the witch.”

“I’m not a bad shot.”

“Me either.”

“Ok, I’m nearly there,” Sam said from the phone, seemingly forgotten in the standoff between Dean and Hazel. “I’ll try and get in and bring extra munition. I’m tall and I have long hair, please don’t shoot me.”

“Alright, see you soon Sammy.” Dean hung up the phone. He opened his gun and started to take out bullets, handing them to her.

“So,” Hazel said with a smirk, “Dean, is it? That’s what the guy on the phone called you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure Hazel isn’t your real name either. I’ll give you 5 minutes to get in a good position before I start the distraction.”

She nodded and started to jog away to the right. He couldn’t believe he was doing this.

---

Dean took a deep breath. He’d pulled out his other gun, filled with silver bullets that were going to be useless against a witch. But they might be good on henchmen, any bullet’s a good bullet if you’re human. And they’d make a distraction.

He put the normal gun in his left hand, saving his one shot with the witch-killing bullet for his dominant hand. He didn’t think he’d get a good shot, but he’d make it count if he did.

He estimated it had been about 5 minutes since Hazel had gone. Show time.

He crept up the stairs at the opposite end to where she’d gone. He could see henchmen scouring the other rooms, probably looking for him and Hazel. He took a moment to steel himself, then headed around the corner, back into the main room.

He started firing with his left-hand gun as soon as he entered the room, taking down random henchmen. Fairly quickly he was having to dive to the side, another fireball headed his way. He didn’t know where Hazel was, which he realised was a bit of a flaw in his plan. He didn’t know where to lead the witch.

Not that he was really in control of the situation. He was barely surviving as it was. He fired over his shoulder and ran for cover.

He was diving for new cover when he spotted Sam out the corner of his eye. He diverted the other direction, hoping he was still creating enough of a diversion.

Suddenly, the room exploded behind him. He span around, ducking his head under his arms to shield himself from debris.

“Witch is dead,” he head Sam yell, “Let’s go.”

“Gotta find the girl,” Dean yelled back, searching around. He could see Sam doing the same thing on the other side of the room, intermingled with the two of them firing at the few henchmen who hadn’t fled or died already. The explosion had been dramatic, Dean had no idea how Sam had caused it.

Dean finally found Hazel, trying to extricate herself from under some debris. He lifted the remnants of a table off her, holding his hand out to her to pull her up. She limped out so he wrapped his arm around her waist, helping her move faster. They quickly made it to Sam and got out of the building.

---

“I don’t know what the hell I just witnessed tonight but I have no idea how I’m going to explain this to my supervisors,” Hazel said when they were back at the Impala.

“If I were you, I’d leave out the witch throwing fireballs. Doesn’t go down well,” Dean replied.

“I suppose you want me to leave out that the serial killers Sam and Dean Winchester were here too.”

Dean shot her a glare. “We’re not serial killers, we hunt the supernatural.”

“And sometimes the supernatural like to impersonate us and give us a bad name,” Sam added. “We didn’t shoot those people in that footage from the bank vault, monsters with our faces did.”

“Any other day and I wouldn’t have believed you, but tonight I’m a little more inclined. One question though – you always pick up random women to bring into harm's way?”

“Uh, not normally, no,” Dean said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “I genuinely thought we were just going to be looking for the amulet tonight, and I just wanted someone to try and take some of the attention off me. Sorry.”

She laughed, “Wow, you don’t seem like a man who apologises easily.”

Sam, behind Dean, was laughing and shaking his head.

“So, what are you going to do?” Dean asked her.

“I have to call this in.”

Dean nodded, grimacing slightly.

“But that doesn’t mean I have to mention you,” she continued.

Dean smiled. Sam said, “Thank you.”

“When did you know?” Dean asked. “Who we were, I mean.”

“You looked a little familiar to me when I got in the car, but I thought you’d just been in the photo list of known sex worker users I’d looked at. Wasn’t until I learnt your names were Sam and Dean and you were handing me special bullets that I remembered.”

Dean nodded.

“Alright, you two better hit the road before anyone gets here. They probably already noticed the explosion.”

“Do I get to know your real name?” Dean said with one of his charming smiles. She gave a smirk and pulled a folded business card from out of a hidden compartment in her gun. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

She reached over and kissed his cheek, “Thanks for saving my life.”

“Anytime,” Dean replied, opening the driver’s door and jumping in. Sam jumped in the other side and they sped off, into the night.

“So how’d you make an explosion? Or did she just explode when you shot her?” Dean asked Sam.

“Witch-killing grenade, been working on it as a prototype. Same idea as the bullets.”

“Niiiiiiice.”

Dean twirled the business card in his fingers. Would've liked to get to know that girl some more.

Dean Winchester tag list:

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@lyarr24

@waynes-multiverse

@deans-spinster-witch

@zepskies

Everything Supernatural tag list:

@leigh70

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@magssteenkamp

SPN Fanfic Pond Dean x Reader tag list:

@babypieandwhiskey

@bkwrm523

@buckys-zomdoll

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@cas-backwards-tie

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#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x OC #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester flirting #spn case fic #x competent reader #x confident reader #dean winchester x escort!reader #spnaubingo #protective!dean winchester #spn fanfiction #dean winchester fanfiction

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fanfictionalraven · 1 month

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Piece by Piece Pt. 11

Title: Piece By Piece Pt. 11

Summary: The apocalypse draws near.

Characters: Reader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer, Castiel, Original Characters, other SPN canon characters

Word Count: 2,550

Warnings: Canon-typical violence and peril

Author’s Note: This story was originally posted by myself under the account Winchestersgirl92. It was published in 2017.

Read Piece by Piece Pt. 10 here.

Dean paces across the room Zachariah had stuck him in. He’d lost track of how long he’d been here and he was past mad now. The angels had tricked him, leading him down a path to jump start the apocalypse. He picks up one of the bottles of beer Zachariah had left for him and throws it at the wall.

“Now Dean, that’s the good stuff. Don’t waste it,” Zachariah says, having suddenly appeared in the room. Dean turns on him with a glare. “I see I made you the wrong offer earlier. Ginger and Mary Anne. Not your type anymore. No, you have a more particular taste now.” Dean’s hands tighten into fists at his sides as a smirk spreads across Zachariah’s face.

“Leave her out of this,” he practically growls. Zachariah lets out a sadistic chuckle before merely snapping his fingers.

************************************************************************

“M.K., you have to eat, Sweetie,” you say, kneeling down next to the chair your daughter is currently occupying. She’s sulking over her plate like she did every day. It had been a month and a half since you’d left Dean and she hadn’t forgiven you yet. You hadn’t forgiven yourself yet.

“I’m not hungry,” she mumbles quietly. You sigh and rise to your feet, knowing she’d eat when she wanted to. You run a hand over your stomach as you walk across the kitchen. You were just starting to show, that adorable little baby bump just visible under your shirt. You wanted Dean to be able to see it. You wanted him to be there when you found out what the two of you were having. You wanted him to feel the first kicks. But you’d left and he hadn’t tried to chase you.

“Momma,” M.K. says, fear in her voice. You turn and look at her quickly, finding a strange man standing near the table. Your eyes widen and you hold a hand out for M.K. She runs and stands behind you, peeking around you at the stranger.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” he says. “Only to take you somewhere.”

“Where?” You ask before glancing around the kitchen. The man smiles what you’re sure is supposed to be a reassuring smile.

“You can’t fight me, Y/N,” he says. It was a fact you were already sure of. He definitely wasn’t human and even if he was you didn’t stand a chance.

“Where are you taking us?” You ask again. You were trying to stall and he could tell. He takes a step towards you now and you frown.

“I can’t tell you that. Let’s not do this the hard way, hmmm? Just take my hand,” he tells you, holding his hand out now. “For your children, Y/N.”

“What are you?” You ask, watching him as he takes another step towards the two of you. He smiles again.

“An angel,” he says before reaching out and grabbing your arm.

You blink and find yourself in a new room, M.K. still clinging to your leg. The angel who had brought you, lets go of your arm as you look around. Another angel, one you recognize from the three months you’d spent living with Dean, is smiling at you. Standing between you and him, his back turned towards you, is Dean. His fists are clenched at his sides.

“Thank you, Malachi,” Zachariah says to the other angel. He nods once then disappears. M.K. peeks around you and her eyes widen.

“Daddy??” She asks. You watch as Dean’s shoulders fall and he hangs his head in defeat. He turns slowly and smiles at her, a sadness in his eyes.

“Hey, Baby Girl,” he says. The tears overwhelm her as she runs to his waiting arms. He lifts her up into a tight hug and kisses her temple before locking eyes with you. You bite your lip and he shifts M.K. to one side, holding his other arm open for you. You don’t even hesitate as you rush into his arm, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry,” Dean whispers, kissing your hair.

“I do love a happy reunion,” Zachariah says. Dean’s grip on both of you tightens before he lets you go. He sets M.K. down next to you then turns back to the angel, standing in front of you two protectively.

“Take them home and leave them alone,” he demands. Zachariah smiles and shakes his head.

“That really what you want Dean? I mean, it’s Apocalypse Now. Wouldn’t you rather they be here, protected?” He asks. Dean sets his jaw and closes his eyes for a moment. “You know what? I’ll give you some time alone to talk things over. Go check on my ticking time bomb.” In the blink of an eye, Zachariah disappears. The three of you stand there, silently, for what feels like an eternity. Dean runs his hands over his face then turns to face the two of you.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I was just trying to keep you safe. I never wanted you to be involved with this,” he tells you, his eyes avoiding yours. You step forward and take his face in your hands.

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out,” you assure him. He shakes his head slightly.

“This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have let this happen. I shoulda kept my distance and not fallen in love with you and M.K. I shoulda left town and never looked –” You cut him off with a quick kiss. He smiles a little as you pull away. “What was that for?” He asks.

“We love you too,” you tell him. He smiles wider and wraps his arms around you in a tight hug. Holding you close, he presses a quick kiss to your hair.

“I’m gonna get us out of this. I swear,” he says. You nod and pull away from him. He reaches down and places a hand over the tiny bump. For a moment, you think he’s going to cry. He looks back up at you quickly. “Cas,” he calls out. He steps away from you and looks up at the ceiling. “Cas!!”

“What is it, Dean?” Cas asks, suddenly appearing. His eyes land on you and M.K. and he frowns. “What are they doing here?”

“Zachariah brought them,” Dean tells him. Cas shakes his head slowly.

“No, he swore he would leave them out of this. Dean, I’m sorry,” he says. Dean nods slightly, taking a step towards Cas.

“Seems like ol’ Zach can’t exactly be trusted,” he says, his voice dropping low. M.K. reaches up, clasping your hand. You smile down at her reassuringly and run your other hand over your stomach. “Help me end this, Cas. Help me save my family. Get me to Sam. We can stop this before it’s too late. You know where he is?” Cas shakes his head.

“No. But I know someone who does. We’ll have to stop Sam from killing Lilith,” he tells him. Dean frowns and raises an eyebrow in question.

“I thought Lilith was going to break the last seal,” he says. Cas merely shakes his head again, walking over to you and M.K.

“Lilith is the last seal,” he tells him. “Did they hurt you?” He asks. You smile at him and shake your head quickly.

“No, we’re fine,” you tell him. He nods and looks back at Dean now.

“If we attempt to leave, they’ll follow us,” he says. Dean nods and looks around the room, thinking.

“You go find out where Sam is. Come back. Send me there and get them to Bobby’s,” he says, pointing to you and M.K. He looks at you and you nod in agreement, knowing you’ll be safer there. Cas nods once then disappears in the next second. Dean runs his hands over his face.

“Bobby has a panic room. It’s heavily warded. They shouldn’t be able to get you there,” he says. You let go of M.K.’s hand and walk over to Dean. He looks at you now and you glance back at her before dropping your voice low.

“I’m not gonna lie, Dean. I’m scared to death,” you tell him. He frowns and pulls you into his arms quickly.

“I know. I am too. But I’m gonna end this. I just have to get to Sam in time,” he whispers into your hair. You nod and squeeze him slightly.

“Dean,” Cas says, having reappeared. Letting him go, you both turn to face him. “I spoke with Chuck. There’s still time. He did say we’re going – what was his phrase? ‘Off-script’ I believe.”

“Well, hopefully that’s a good thing. Can you handle Zachariah and the others?” He asks. Cas nods and Dean sighs, turning back to you now. He takes your hands in his and squeezes them. “We get this taken care of and, if you’ll still have me, I’m coming home. It’ll be the four of us. You, me, M.K., and our…”

“Son,” Cas says. You both look at him quickly and he nods. “You’re having a boy.” Dean looks back at you now, a big goofy grin on his face.

“A son,” he says. You smile widely and stand up on your toes, pressing your lips against his in a firm kiss.

“We’ll see you soon,” you tell him when you pull away. He nods and lets your hands go before turning to M.K. He wraps her up in a tight hug and kisses her hair. After setting her back down, she takes your hand again. He steps back next to Cas and looks at you both one last time.

“I love you. All three of you,” he says. You smile at him and nod.

“We love you too,” you assure him. Cas turns to him and presses two fingers to his forehead. Dean disappears. The angel rushes to your side now and takes your free hand in his.

“We have to hurry now,” he says. You nod quickly and blink before finding yourself in the middle of Bobby’s study. The old gruff man is sitting at his desk. He jumps up when he sees you all and M.K. smiles over at him.

“Grandpa Bobby!!” She exclaims, running around to him. Bobby continues to stare at you and Cas as he picks her up in his arms.

“What’s going on?” He asks. Cas shakes his head slightly.

“Y/N will explain,” he says before disappearing. You stare at the spot he had been then look back at Bobby.

“Dean said you had a panic room?” You ask. Bobby nods and leads the way down to the basement quickly. He opens the secured vault door and you all three step inside.

“What’s happening?” He asks as he sets M.K. down on the cot in the middle of the room. You sigh and run your hands over your face.

“I honestly don’t have much of an idea. Dean’s going to stop Sam from killing Lilith,” you tell him. Bobby frowns more.

“Stop him?” He asks. You nod quickly.

“Cas said that she’s the last seal. Whatever that means,” you say, panic coming through your voice. Bobby nods as he watches you then takes your arm gently.

“I think you need to sit down,” he says, leading you to the cot as well. You take a seat next to M.K. and she crawls into your lap. Your arms wrap around her tight as you start to rock back and forth.

“He can do this, right? He can stop Sam?” You ask, looking up at Bobby again. He shrugs his shoulders once.

“If anyone can talk Sam down, it’s Dean,” he says. You squeeze your eyes closed tight and hold on to your little girl as Bobby closes the door of the panic room.

************************************************************************

Dean looks around, trying to make out anything he can in the dark. Cas had sent him to the side of the road somewhere and he’s just starting to think Chuck was wrong when a car pulls over across the street. Dean can just make out the two figures that emerge from the vehicle, one his brother and the other the demon he’d been running around with.

Sam pulls his phone from his pocket as he walks away from the car. Ruby throws her arms out in exasperation as she stops near the trunk.

“Sam, it’s time. Are we doing this or not?” She calls to him. Sam looks back at her.

“Give me a minute to think,” he tells her. She rolls her eyes.

“Sam,” she starts but he cuts her off with a sharp glare.

“Give me a damn minute, Ruby!” He shouts to her. She holds her hands up in surrender then leans back against the car. Dean starts towards them quickly.

“Sam!!” He calls out. Both Sam and Ruby turn towards him. She lets out a growl.

“He’s here to stop us,” she says, looking back at Sam. Sam looks at her, conflicted, as Dean comes up beside the car. He stops when he hears the screams coming from the trunk and looks at his brother.

“You got someone in there?” He asks. Sam goes to answer but Ruby cuts him off.

“A demon. Not your concern,” she says, crossing her arms. Dean glares at her then looks back at his brother.

“Hey, Sammy. You gotta stop this, okay? Ruby’s lying to you. You kill Lilith and that’s the last seal. The apocalypse starts. The angels were lying to me too. They wanted this whole thing to happen. They want Armageddon,” he says. Sam’s brows furrow in confusion and he shakes his head slowly.

“That – that doesn’t…” He stops and Dean nods his head.

“Doesn’t make sense? Come on, Man. We’re trusting angels and demons over each other right now? We are all that each other have had our entire lives. Me and you, Sam. I need you to trust me right now. I’m sorry for that crap I said earlier, I am. Cause we’re family and there isn’t a damn thing that can change that,” he says. Ruby turns to Sam quickly.

“Don’t listen to him, Sam. We’re trying to save the world here. Remember all the pain that Lilith has caused? Sending Dean to Hell?” She asks. Sam watches Dean the entire time she speaks. The woman continues to scream and beat at the trunk, begging for mercy. Sam shakes his head slowly, closing his eyes. “Sam!!”

“Shut up!!” Sam says, pushing her away from him. She stumbles back a few steps then turns to face Dean, glaring at him.

“Oh, you son of a bitch,” she practically growls before taking a swing at him, making contact with his jaw. Dean runs a hand over the spot slowly then looks back at her.

“That was a mistake,” he says. He pulls the demon killing knife from the inside of his jacket and she scoffs a laugh.

“You really think I’m gonna let you get close enough to use that thing?” She asks, taking a step back. Sam grabs her arms quickly, holding her in place, and she looks up at him. “No,” she says, trying to fight out of his grasp. Dean advances on her quickly and plunges the knife into her gut. She lets out one last scream before Sam drops her dead body on the side of the road.

Read Piece by Piece Pt. 12 here.

#fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #supernatural #spn #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean x reader #dean winchester #dad!dean #sam winchester #cas #castiel #bobby singer

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watchoutforthefanfics · 10 days

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the apple pie life for me (and you) // Dean Winchester x Castiel (SPN)

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: Cough Syrup - Glee Cast (Cover)

Summary: One minute, Castiel is confessing his love as he sacrifices himself, so Dean can live. The next, Dean is dead, and Castiel's avoiding him in Heaven. Or maybe Dean's avoiding him. Dean has probably never been more confused in his life, feelings for his best friend and all.

TWs: kinda angst, mentioned vomit, very slightly alluded child abuse (john winchester), a little bit of yelling, sort of suicidal thoughts (like yeah, but he's already dead), cursing, crying, low self-worth, mention of self-sacrifice, Dean is bad at feelings (and so is Cas), avoidance, mention of death, and confrontation.

[[A/N: This is a finale fix-it, but with the finale still canon, if you will. Except Dean doesn't like just drive until Sam dies. This actually ripped out my soul and shoved it back in. I felt possessed writing this. Also, let Dean say fuck. Anyway. This shit will fuck you up, but it's a happy ending !!! Anyway, enjoy :))) ]]

Dean doesn't think he wanted to die.

But he's not really sure. And he kinda feels like that's something you should be sure about.

As he cruises along in Baby with no place to go, but also somehow having somewhere in mind, he just keeps thinking about it.

Lots of things, really. Chuck, everyone disappearing, Jack, Sammy back on Earth (he thinks he's always gonna worry about him), and... and Cas.

See that's... that's where his mind hitches.

Because otherwise, after Jack took over, Dean thought things were going pretty good. Great, even. Him and Sammy doing the same thing it all started with. (Sans the Dad thing, probably for the best, but still-)

But, the more he thinks about it now, where there is nothing but the road, Baby, and him... That life, that wasn't what he wanted. He wasn't living how he wanted to. Sure, he wanted Sammy in it, but to say he still wanted to be a hunter?

When he thought about it, it kinda felt like he was still playing the role that Chuck had carved out for him. He knows he had free will then, he knows Chuck wasn't in charge, but he just... That role was comfortable, familiar, and he thinks maybe... both him and Sam just fell right back into it.

And then, there's the just him and Sam thing. It started like that, yeah, and don't get him wrong, he loves Sammy. (It's probably in his bones now, it's so ingrained in his friggin' DNA.) But it wasn't just him and Sammy, not anymore.

So, how can everything be 'goin' good' when you're missing pieces, people?

Like Jody and the girls, Garth and his family, Eileen, Jack and... and Cas.

So, even though, Jack fixed it all, it was still kinda like him and Sam were the only ones on the planet. Alone.

He wasn't happy with what he was doing, he was missing people like hell, and his brain was in near-constant turmoil because... because his best friend was dead. And it wasn't like he tried to stop it, live like how Castiel wanted him to. What he died for.

But he just couldn't. How the hell was he supposed to live happily when Cas was dead? Because of him, of all things.

So, maybe... maybe he did want to die.

Dean doesn't think it's only the Cas... thing, he thinks it's a lot of things (probably). But, he thinks him not being there is really what makes it all so wrong.

He thinks back to when Cas was dead before, when... when all he needed was a "damn win" and he got him back. Everything was so much better, even though shit hadn't been done about Chuck or any of their other problems. He had a damn win.

He's just starting to think that maybe he didn't need a win, maybe he needed Cas.

And maybe that's why the life he lived wasn't what he wanted. Maybe that's why it was so easy to die when he'd been fighting all his life to live freely. Escape whatever goddamn prophecies plagued his life, and live how he wanted to.

Team Free Will, he remarked somewhere in his head.

And yet, the only one living freely was Cas. Sam and Dean, written like damn books, apparently, but Cas?

Chuck said he never followed him, said that he had a "crack in his chassis" (whatever the hell that meant). And he'd even... the turning point for him was Dean. Goddamn "gripping him tight and raising him from perdition".

That was when he'd veered off the path Chuck had built for him, and out of the damn countless universes, this... his Cas was the only one who broke the cycle.

And then, he'd think back to the moment he died for the... for the last time. What he said, and how he said it, and even when Dean tried to twist it to something that wasn't so goddamn scary. He couldn't. Because he had said it clear as day.

And just telling him gave him 'true happiness' (like a damn fairytale). He didn't expect a response, or anything, just telling him. Dean couldn't wrap his head around it at all. Hadn't since the day he said it.

Every time he thought about both of them, Cas's... confession and Chuck's words, he connected the dots. He'd never let himself think about it, but now he had all the time in the world to. It's all he could do.

So, he let himself think it, just this once.

Cas... loving him, that wasn't planned. That was all Cas. This Cas. His Cas.

He maybe even loved him so much that it broke god's will.

How was Dean supposed to handle that? Digest that? When seconds later, Cas was dead. Even now, he couldn't-

There was a house.

To his left, it had been miles of just meadows and fields, and now... now there was a house. A white house, that you sort of just pictured in your head when you imagined a 'family home'. It looked kind of oddly like his house when he was a kid, but also not at all.

It had a white picket fence and a big yard. It had all the works.

The apple pie life, his mind chimed.

Dean paused a moment, wondering if this was someone else's. His eyes peered around it, focusing on the long, empty driveway (the kind that was half dirt and half rocks). And he came up decidedly empty.

He took a breath, and mumbled low (maybe to make sure he could still talk), "'S worth a shot."

Flinching a little at Baby bumping along the rocks, Dean slowly crept up to the house. Eyeing it the whole time, as if it would change when he looked away. Or maybe like it wouldn't feel right halfway up the driveway.

But, he felt the same all the way through.

Dean pursed his lips, staring at the white shingles and the big porch with two rocking chairs -one on either side.

It was two stories, but still small. And it wasn't perfect either, not like out of one of those friggin' house magazines where everything seemed so clean, it was almost scary. There were scuffs and marks, and the grass grew too high right next to the steps.

He took a breath, and stepped out of Baby, throwing the keys around his fingers on instinct. The jingle was the only noise that filled the air then.

It was crazy how much the air smelt the same, felt the same. He could see the wind shift the blades of grass and the branches of the trees, it felt so much like... home.

Even though Dean had never seen this house before in his life, it felt like home.

That... That feeling was new.

He let his eyes surf over the land a second, before catching on a barn -rundown and hidden behind the house. And even though it was, Dean traced the driveway all the way back to it.

Letting himself take one last look at the house, he slowly trailed back to the barn. Feet crushing over rocks and twigs, he truly had never felt more alive. Ironically.

It wasn't the long stretch of road, the slick seats of Baby, or the low hum of the engine. It was the sound of birds, the smell of flowers, and the fresh air. Dean nearly almost bent down to get dirt on his hands just to feel it again, instead of the smooth steering wheel he knew so well.

He didn't though, and instead, approached the barn. Somewhere in his head, it rang familiar. He wasn't sure why or how, but as he walked through the door it just... he knew it.

And as his footsteps echoed through the air, it hit him.

Dean spun around on his feet and looked toward the door, almost on instinct.

He did know this barn. It was where he... where he first met Cas. He remembers it more with all the sigil and black paint everywhere, but looking back at the door, at the lights-

He laughed a little, the dramatic son of a bitch.

Dean cut himself short, watching the doors. Maybe he was expecting something, someone, but he'd never say it out loud. He couldn't, not now.

Cas had been right there.

And there was a part of him that wished he still was.

He took a deep breath through his nose, wondering what exactly he was going to do with it. Or if he was just gonna keep it empty. Because...

He had the spare thought to make it into a kinda garage, build some shelves maybe, fill the walls with parts. He could pull Baby in, shelter her from the rain. If it did rain here. Somehow Dean hoped so. He wanted stuff like rain, snow, the crunching leaves, and the smush of mud under his shoe.

It was weird to say he wanted to feel human in Heaven, but he did.

Because when had he ever felt human? Really?

He wanted that. He wanted a lot of things now that could never have imagined back then. Or didn't think to, he guessed.

Patting one of the wooden walls, Dean made his exit.

His eyes lingered on the backyard for a moment, where the expanse of grass seemed larger, and in the corner, there seemed to be a fenced-off patch of dirt. Maybe for a garden.

He had never thought about having a garden, but he wasn't really against it either.

He looked at for a second, before thinking to himself. Cas would probably like that.

He had that bee thing, and bees like flowers, right? So, maybe he'd offer it to him. Let him have the space. It would be nice having him there, a little piece of him around him every day.

Because he knew that he was tinkering around somewhere, supposedly with Jack. And maybe... maybe it would be nice for him to have a break, a garden.

Dean bit his lip, tapping his foot a moment.

Was that what it was? Was that why you wanted him here, Winchester? Really?

He kept moving forward, steady steps back to the front of the house. For once in his life, there was no rush. He could take his time.

By the time he swung around to the porch, the wind had died down and left only the shining sun in its wake. It felt just like when the sun touched his skin on Earth, maybe even a little better. He liked it the same reason he liked everything else, just being human.

Dean moved up the steps, stairs creaking with every move and his hand drifting across the railing. It was imperfect with bumps and peeling paint, and he had a thought that maybe he could fix it one day. Maybe that's why the house is the way it is, so he could fix it.

Like maybe it had been built like that because he'd always wanted to do it. Fix up a house. Did Cas know that?

His eyes roamed over to the second rocking chair thoughtfully. He kind of had an idea of who he wanted there.

He let his fingers drift over the chair a moment, like maybe if he thought hard enough, he'd be there. Here.

Dean didn't think that he could talk to him, or maybe that he would be comfortable doing so. But that didn't mean he didn't want to friggin' see him, talk to him.

And even though it was scary as hell, he would talk about it if Cas wanted to. He just thinks that the natural progression is his response, and Dean... Dean wasn't sure he had one. Or maybe he had one, but he wasn't sure he could say it.

He was a damn coward.

Pulling open the door, Dean's eyes slunk along the walls. The first thing he saw was a hallway, softly colored walls, and frames along it. Stepping inside, he pulled the door closed behind him (on instinct) and drew his attention to the pictures.

A lot of them, he recognized.

Old pictures of him and Sammy, pictures of his Mom and Dad. But some, he hadn't.

His fingers trailed over a frame. It was him and Cas laughing in the bunker, he'd had no idea it was taken at all. It must've been Sam, but he'd never found the need to show him, apparently.

He had that sort of crinkly smile that he'd get sometimes, and Dean was saying something but he was laughing halfway through it. And Cas was just looking at him like he always did.

Ever since Cas's goodbye, he'd been rethinking everything he knew. Everything.

From the first time he saw him to the last, he'd looked through everything -trying to find it. Trying to see how he'd missed it for so long. And when he did, it was right damn in front of him.

That was probably what he hated this most, that he'd never seen it. Dean had never even thought of the possibility, only once or twice when some dick would make an offhand remark. (Which, when he looked back on it, happened a lot.)

And it has seemed just so far away. Impossible.

Maybe that wasn't because he hadn't... but because he was a broken human (past damn repair) and he was an angel of the Lord.

How could he love me?

And then, there was all that he said. That he believed Dean was so much better than he did. At his very core was love of all things.

"The one thing I want, I know I can't have."

Knows he can't have, it kept ringing through his head. As he wandered up the stairs, maybe even before that, when he was driving, and maybe even before that when it was just him and Sammy ganking bitches.

He didn't tell Sam, and maybe that was the biggest thing. Maybe he felt some guilt, or maybe... maybe he just wanted to keep it to himself. He wasn't sure.

Dean wasn't sure about any goddamn thing at this point.

He took a breath and peeked into the rooms. He didn't want to go fully in them, he wasn't sure why. But one of them, he recognized to be a guest bedroom. It was empty, except for a bed and a dresser -impersonal.

Maybe for Sammy someday.

There was a bathroom on the other wall, he thinks he has two. One downstairs and one up. (Maybe even three, he hasn't looked at his master bedroom yet.) He paused a moment, maybe imagining things on the sink. Imagining a rug he buys one day (do they even buy things? Or does he just think it into existence?). It was domestic, and Dean couldn't tell if he liked it or not.

He trailed down the stairs again, and just to his right, he saw another bathroom -right by the front door. It was empty again, except for the essentials. Toilet, shower, and sink. He didn't waste anymore time.

Across from it was, he guessed, the living room. And he kinda expected the same, just the essentials, maybe some fuzzy throw pillows that Dean would inevitably throw out. Maybe a rug he'd say he didn't like, but he'd keep it anyway.

But it wasn't.

Instead, Dean found something a lot more personal.

It was a big TV with shelves surrounding it filled with movies. And the more he looked at it, the more at it -they were his favorites. And on the wall under the window, there was a cassette player (no cassettes, but they were probably out in Baby) and to its left a mini fridge. Dean chanced a look in it and found his favorite type of beer. And under it, on one of the shelves was an unused record player. Beside both of them, there was one of those containers for vinyls (Dean had friggin' clue what it was called), and it was filled. He didn't have to look to know it was all his favorites.

There were bean bags piled in the corner like he'd have too many visitors for the couch. Or maybe they'd expect him to. Cas would expect him to.

Dean felt like his breath was shot out of his chest. A little like he couldn't friggin' breath.

His Dean-cave.

It was a damn upgrade, yeah, not with concrete floors and stuffy walls. But in essence the very same. Probably the perfect version of it in his head.

God, had Cas remembered that?

Remembered all of it? His favorite fucking songs, favorite movies, favorite shows- Had Cas remembered everything?

It made him want to throw up, or maybe like his heart was squeezed so tight in his chest that he felt like he might die. Again, he guessed.

Wouldn't be the first time.

Dean stared at the room, hand coming to rest on the back of the couch. He swallowed back the bile that was rising in his chest, it felt like his stomach was waves in the damn ocean.

He didn't know whether to cry or throw his guts up. It felt just like after Cas was taken by the Empty.

Like his world was shifting and crumbling all at once.

Dean stepped back a few steps and came up against the wall. His eyes burned.

He ran a hand through his hair, a little frantically, and tried to school the sob that climbed up his throat.

He's alive, he repeated to himself, Cas is fucking alive.

Some other voice chimed back, little and weak, But he's not here, is he?

He took in a deep breath, shaky, and leaned his head back up against the wall. Looking up at the ceiling, Dean thought maybe he felt tears roll down his cheeks.

He wanted to pray, bring him here. But what the hell would he even say?

"Hey buddy, confessing your love and fucking dying after wasn't very fun for me."

"What you did wasn't goddamn fair."

"I know you love me, but I don't understand it. I don't get it."

"How can you love me?"

"I think maybe I love you too."

His breath hitched in his chest.

He clenched his fist onto the wall, pounding it a few times. He heard the frames rattle in their places and felt the wood boards behind it under his hand.

Dean took a deep breath in and wiped at his eyes. Sniffling, he walked forward into the kitchen. Keep moving.

It was the cozy kind of kitchen, not the minimalist crap, with wooden cupboards and imperfect counters. The refrigerator had a few pictures stuck to it, held up by those damn alphabet magnets.

He just somehow knew that was Cas's idea.

And he laughed a little at it, taking one of them in his hands and rubbing his thumb over the shitty plastic.

His eyes smoothed over the space again, and he found something actually on the counter. He wasn't sure how he missed it the first time, but now, there was a slice of apple pie there. Probably the most picturesque one he'd ever seen. Heaven pie.

"Goddamn Heaven pie," he muttered, but he was smiling.

Before he could take a bite, of what he suspected might be the best pie in his life, he heard something.

A dog bark.

Dean nearly ran to the front door, leaving the pie stranded on the counter. Swinging the door open, he nearly stalled in place.

Miracle was there, yeah, and ran up to him a little like he was the only person in the world. It made his heart ache. But there was someone else.

"I've got a delivery," Charlie, his Charlie, smiled -grinned even.

"Charlie," he spoke, a little like it took everything in his chest to. She only smiled brighter.

Dean thought maybe he was crying, and he grabbed her in a hug. One that he thought may have been a little too tight but she didn't complain. She didn't say a word.

He put his chin on top of her head (just like he used to) and felt her hair (still short) under it. He used to do it to remember she was there, it felt like he was missing a fucking limb when he couldn't anymore. He never thought about the fact that maybe he could again one day.

It felt like everything in him was relieved, as if the tension had melted away. Somehow, someway, Charlie was exactly what he needed right now.

God, he hadn't even thought about her.

Well, he had. A lot. He thought about everybody he'd ever lost, that shit weights on your conscience. (Especially her.) But he'd never thought of her being up here, that he could see her again. Give her a goddamn hug-

He sniffled a little and dropped his mouth to kiss her on the forehead. She hugged him back just as tight, and he thought he might’ve heard her sniffle too.

Dean spoke before he could stop it, "I'm sorry."

"Dean, no," she pulled back, but didn't let go of his arms, "-you weren't- That wasn't your fault, you know that."

He was still crying, and maybe his voice was cracking, "I'm still sorry."

Charlie rubbed her hands down his arms for a minute, before changing the topic, "'Heard you took down God."

Dean laughed a little, wiping at his eyes, "Damn straight I did. Me, Sammy, and Jack."

"Would've loved to know him," she smiled -big and bright, "-but he's too busy for me now."

"Probably too busy to see me too," he offered, sniffling, "-if that helps you."

She shrugged, a little knowingly, "I think he'd make time if you asked."

He bit his lip a moment, thoughtfully, "Ya wanna come in?"

"Was waiting for that," she laughed, walking in -her eyes dipping over the walls, before waltzing into the Dean-cave, "-Look at your digs, Winchester! Not bad."

"It fit me?" He asked.

She turned to him then, grinning, "To a T."

He ran his tongue along his teeth, something heavy in his throat, "You know who made it?"

"I do," Charlie passively remarked, as Miracle ran up and jumped on the couch, "-We saw the house pop up a bit ago, not long, and we saw them out here, building it."

"Cas, yeah?" He asked like he didn't already know.

"Yup," she popped the 'p', running up to his shelves and seemingly skimming the titles, "-that and uh... Jack. But, mostly Cas."

She muttered something about 'shit, you have that one?', but Dean's mind was elsewhere.

"Do you," he started asking, swallowing kind of awkwardly, "-Do you see things on Earth? Like um... events, or conversations?"

"Only when we want to," she answered, still busy on the shelves (currently she was on her tippy-toes looking at the top one), "-I've been watching a few conventions over the years. Sometimes I peek in on you, or Sam, or Cas, for that matter. But I'm pretty content here."

Dean fell silent, fidgeting with his hands.

She turned to him, quirking a brow, "Why? Do you want to check in on Sam? It's pretty easy, actually-"

"Before," he started, and Charlie's lips snapped shut, "-Before the whole, uh, Chuck fight and Jack becoming... well, God. Cas died again."

"Shit," she spoke, "-how did he die?"

"Billie, ya know, Death, uh," he cleared as throat, and Charlie's eyes were on him (intently watching), "-she was after us. Me and Cas, and he... he sacrificed himself."

"Damn," she let out, "-have you seen him since Jack-"

"He didn't really... die," Dean kept going, maybe like he couldn't stop (he wanted to tell someone), "-There's this place where, uh, demons and angels go when they 'die'. From what I've heard, it's kinda like a void, an eternal sleep kinda deal."

Charlie pursed her lips a moment, maybe trying to decide if she should speak, "Yeah, I've heard rumors. Never been there of course, but um, yeah."

Dean bit his lip, and took a deep breath in.

"Dean," Charlie slowly stepped toward him, "-are you okay? Do you need to... sit down?"

"He made a deal," he continued, and maybe he wasn't looking at her but he really couldn't, "-Uh, the Empty, or the eternal sleep thing, um... would take him when he was the damn happiest he's ever been."

"And," she paused, laughing a little, "-how was he the happiest he's ever been when you were running from Death?"

Dean didn't say a word, and Charlie promptly cut her laughter short. The silence echoed a moment, and she stepped closer to him again (this was uncharted territory).

"Dean?"

He swallowed, his voice was a little scratchy now and his eyes burned, "He... He started this speech about- about me, and how good I was. That I wasn't just anger or... or hate like I thought. I was love, I raised Sammy for... for love, and do what I do, like stop the goddamn apocalypse, for love. That I was... the most selfless person he'd ever known-"

Charlie stayed quiet.

"-And he's lived millenniums," Dean laughed a little and it was wet (and maybe he was crying), "-I mean, how can that... how can that be true?"

"Dean," she leveled in a steady voice.

"And he just kept going," he laughed again, and he wiped at his eyes, "-and I couldn't say a goddamn word."

"Dean."

"And after all that," he felt a sob crawl up his throat, it shattered through his chest, "-after all that he told me he loved me. And just saying it, fucking telling me- That made him the happiest he's ever been."

Charlie's eyes were shiny, and she was looking at him a little like he would shatter at any second. But she didn't say a word.

"He said," he swallowed, his breaths shaky, "-He said that the one thing he wanted he couldn't have but I..."

He let himself say it, this once.

"Charlie, I-" he looked at her then, and she was frowning, her eyes were teary, "-I think he can have it. I think he-"

Dean took a breath, it shook through his lungs and laughed again -wiping at his eyes (like he wouldn't be crying if they didn't fall).

"-I think he's always damn had it."

There was silence then, and Dean didn't feel like he had anything else to say. Or maybe that he could say anything else. It felt like his soul had been ripped out of his chest-

Charlie seemed to take a minute to make sure, tediously stepping forward.

But when she realized he was, she pulled him into a hug again. This time though, she stood on her tippy-toes and pulled his head to her shoulder. Her hand cradling the back of his head, Dean followed her lead.

He took a breath in, that was just so Charlie, his Charlie, and it made his eyes fog up again.

She held him there a while, even though it couldn't have been comfortable. He knew that, but he couldn't be the one to pull away. Halfway because it was so long since he'd seen her, and halfway because he couldn't remember the last time he was held like this. Cared for like this.

"Did you," she started, slow and careful (gentle), "-Have you told anyone about this?"

"No, I... I died with it," he breathed out, "-I just... I couldn't tell Sammy-"

"Dean, hey," Charlie shooshed him, before joking lightly, "-that's okay. It just... It seemed like it was a little pent up."

Dean laughed a little, and she seemed to be happy about that.

"It was," he echoed out in the silence, "-I didn't... I didn't tell anyone."

"Well," she hummed, pushing her chin onto his shoulder, "-thank you for telling me."

Something in his chest softened.

"I think that's..." she spoke, gently, "-I think that's big for you. All of this is... is big for you."

There was a beat.

"You're doing your best, Dean," she soothed, squeezing him a little tighter, "-And maybe you didn't tell Sam, or tell Cas, but you did what you could. Everyone has their limits."

He let out a breath, less shaky this time, and dug himself further into her shoulder.

"That's nothing-" her hand rubbed against his back, "-That's nothing to be ashamed of."

He let the words sink into his skin.

"And quite frankly," Charlie quipped, "-your limit is way past mine. So, I can't judge."

Dean laughed again, and he could nearly feel her smile.

Thoughtfully keeping himself there for just a little longer, before pulling back. Sniffling and wiping at his eyes, Charlie stayed very close by, just in place for another hug.

"We good?" She questioned, a little playfully but on the same note, very serious.

"Yeah, yeah, we're uh-" he chuckled out, "-we're good."

"Can I..." she paused a moment, "-If you're not comfortable, don't answer it. But, is this your first... guy thing?"

Dean froze a little.

"You don't have to answer," she quickly added, "-at all. No pressure."

It's Charlie.

He ran his hand along his jaw, before rumbling out, "Kinda. I... When I was a kid, I knew, and maybe I even acted on it a little, but Dad..."

Charlie hummed in understanding, "He found out?"

"Yeah, uh," he spoke, suddenly awkward, "-I don't... I've never known how he figured it out. Or maybe he just... assumed, but he... yeah."

It was unspoken, and she seemed to understand.

"God," she asserted, maybe a little incredulously, "-he should really not be here."

Dean laughed a little, but something was heavy in his chest, "I don't know if I'd visit either of them anyway. Even without... this."

Charlie pursed her lips, "And you don't have to. It's your Heaven. If they... If they try to talk to you, let me know. I'll get a crew."

"A crew?"

"There's enough of us," she shrugged, "-He's an old man anyway, I'm sure I could take him."

He laughed a little again, "You'd be surprised."

She looked at him a moment like maybe that spoke louder than anything else he said. She squeezed his shoulder once, but gratefully, didn't say anything.

"And can I clarify something?"

Dean hummed.

"When Castiel..." she didn't say it, "-Did you not have time? Or were you just... scared?"

"A little bit of both," he answered, fingers tapping along the table by the couch, "-He said it, told me goodbye, and... and adios."

"But you wouldn't have told him? If you got the chance?" She asked, genuinely.

"I don't..." he sighed out, "-I don't know. I think, in the moment, I was just overwhelmed by it all. In-between how he talked about me, and how he... I barely processed a word before he was gone."

Charlie just looked at him.

"I sat there for a while before it-" he moved over to Miracle, petting him, "-it, uh, kicked in."

"And you-" she responded, a little slowly, "-you haven't seen him since then?"

"Well, I... I just got here," he explained, picking up Miracle's ear between his fingers, "-and I didn't even know he'd gotten out. Until... Until Bobby told me."

"Huh," she commented, sitting beside Miracle, "-Do you think he'd come? If you asked?"

Dean rolled the thought around in his mind, "I don't know, he kinda wanted me to live a lot longer than I did."

"How did you die?"

"On a hunt," he answered, simply.

"Shit," she muttered, "-What took you out?"

"Piece of rebar," he offered, wandering back around toward the shelf, "-Monster of the week threw me against a wall, right into it."

"That's..."

"Sammy was gonna call an ambulance, but I..." he echoed out, "-I told him no. I think- I think I wanted to die."

Charlie didn't speak for a moment, processing it, "Because of... Cas?"

"Yeah, mostly," Dean admitted, "-I, uh, realized it all when I got here. Drove Baby for a while and just... Just started thinking."

"About everything?"

"Yeah, uh," he hummed out, brushing his hand over Miracle's fur, "-everything. I wasn't happy there. Wasn't living the life I wanted, and I don't think I could have. Not without Cas."

She paused a second, "Do you think you'll be happy here?"

"It's Heaven," he laughed, not really looking at her, "-I kinda have to be, right?"

"Well," she countered, speaking a little carefully, "-Dean, you still don't have Cas."

Dean's hand froze in place.

"If you weren't happy without him then," she continued, thoughtfully, "-how are you going to be happy without him now?"

"He was dead," he spoke -defensively, "-He's alive now. I can... I can live with that."

"Dean," Charlie reiterated, low and gentle, "-will you be happy?"

"I've handled worse," he argued, but something in his chest was twisting.

She looked at him then, eyes steady on his, "But you don't have to."

He swallowed, repeating, "But I can."

She stood up then, coming right in front of him, and Dean nearly shrunk in place.

"Dean, he... he loves you," Charlie spoke, barely a whisper, "-and I think, somewhere in that thick skull of yours, you love him too."

He gnawed at his lip, "What's that gotta do with anything?"

"It's... everything, Dean," she laughed, a little in disbelief, "-It's got to do with everything. You deserve to be happy."

He took a deep breath through his nose.

"Isn't that what Castiel wanted?" she pointed out, "-For you to be happy?"

"Apparently not," he retorted, a little bitterly, "-how could I be happy when he's dead?"

"Maybe-" Charlie paused, cogs turning in her head, "-You said that he had to be the happiest he's ever been right?"

"Yeah," he replied, trying to follow.

"How could he be the happiest he's ever been if he knew he was causing you pain?"

Dean swallowed, his stomach twisting, "You think..."

"Dean, look I could be wrong," she clarified, "-but I don't think he thought you'd care. If... If he was the happiest he's ever been, and he loved you, he would never be able to cause you pain, or think he would, and still get taken."

He was speechless, something climbing up his throat.

"If he thought you weren't going to be happy," she finished like she'd had a major breakthrough, "-he... he couldn't have been taken."

"He..." Dean faltered to a stop, "-You really think he thought I wouldn't care?"

Charlie pursed her lips together, "I don't know how else it could've worked."

Dean felt like his whole body was on fire, like he was burning alive. Cas didn't know he cared? How the hell didn't he know that?

God, he cared so damn much, and he didn't even know?

He tried to think back to every time he'd lost Cas, all the grief. Dean realized he'd never seen that, he didn't see everytime he lost his goddamn mind because he was gone. For all he knew, everything was hunky-fucking-dory. He's just always thought he knew.

God, he didn't know?

She approached him then, holding his arms, "Dean, I know it's scary, believe me, I know-"

He just looked at her, words stuck in his throat. It felt like he could say everything and nothing at all. Like he was feeling everything and nothing at the same time.

"But he deserves to know," she finished.

Dean took a second, before saying, "Yeah, yeah, he does."

Charlie smiled at him, patting his arms, "You should talk to him, like... as soon as possible."

"Through what? Prayer?"

"Well, yeah," she laughed a little as if it was obvious.

"How do I know..." he exhaled, "-How do I know he'll come?"

"Dean," she assured, "-he loves you."

"Yeah, but what if he's-" he paused, "-what if he's avoiding me?"

"Dean," she repeated, "-he loves you."

"How does that-"

"That doesn't just stop," she interrupted him, "-It's not like if he gets uncomfortable, he'll just stop loving you. It's bigger than everything, if you ask him to, he'll come."

"But-" he tried.

"I know it," she continued, "-and when have I ever been wrong?"

Dean laughed a little.

"Actually, don't answer that," she laughed, "-Just, just trust me. He built this whole Heaven for you, didn't he?"

He responded, simply, "He did."

"He'll come," she repeated, "-You just have to ask, Winchester."

She'd left not long after that, with one solid hug (he didn't think he'd every stop hugging her, ever) and a promise to "tell me all the deets, including the juicy stuff".

Dean wasn't sure how to handle that.

He didn't do it immediately. He sat down and ate the pie first, which was the friggin' best one he'd ever had (he wondered if it always tasted like that up here). Then, he spent the next few hours going through his collection. He even popped in a cassette from Baby, had a few in-home concerts, and just sat with Miracle for a while (Dean thought that he might've known he wasn't doing something he was supposed to, he had a serious bitch face). And then it was night.

So, he went to bed.

He'll be honest, it happened a few times. Days happened (if that was a thing in Heaven).

It wasn't like he wasn't trying. He did, just every time he tried... He was just a damn coward. Kept saying, "I'll do it tomorrow." And it had very much already been tomorrow. A few of them, actually.

Part of him was kinda waiting to see if he'd just... show up like he used to. But, if he'd confessed his, what he believed to be, unrequited love to his best friend... he'd probably avoid him at all costs too. (He kinda already was.)

Today, though, was different.

Dean woke up, got his coffee, and instead of sitting down at the table and staring out the window (usually watching Miracle run around the yard), he went to the hallway. Couldn't tell you why, if you asked. But he just did.

And he stopped at the same picture, the one of him and Cas laughing. His eyes roamed over the crinkled smile, maybe a little differently now. An ache settled in his chest, like maybe he was missing a limb. Every morning he woke up, something was missing.

And sure, yeah, part of that was Sammy. But the other part...

His eyes smoothed over him again, and he just had the overwhelming urge for him to be there. And the thought ran through his mind again that he didn't know that he mattered. Cas was just living (relatively) with the knowledge that Dean didn't care, as if it was the truth.

With a breath, he decided today was the day.

He had given himself time, gotten dressed, sat out on the front porch (it was raining today, he found it kinda calming), and just readying himself.

Now, he was pacing in the kitchen.

"Cas, buddy," he tried like he was running through lines, "-No. Why would I call him buddy? That defeats the whole goddamn purpose."

He sighed, pinching his nose between his fingers, before trying again.

"Cas," he started, trying to think, "-that day. You knew I- Well, you thought you knew I-"

He dragged his palm down his face, groaning. How the hell was he going to do this?

"Fuck it," he decided, he was never going to get it right, "-let's wing it."

Dean let out a big long breath, shaking his hands as if to ready himself. And he really needed to do so.

He deserves to know, he deserves to know, he deserves to know-

"You can do this, Winchester," he mumbled to himself, "-You killed God, what's a damn love confession?"

Love, love, love, chimed through his head.

His stomach churned, but he stayed focused -eyes squeezed shut. Taking a few deep breaths, he stayed silent for a while. Maybe thinking a little too hard in his head, but at this point, there was no use in fighting it.

He deserves to know, he deserves to know, he deserves to know-

Dean let out a shaky breath, and opened his mouth -words slow and particular, "Cas, I don't know if you can hear me or if you're busy-"

Before he could finish another word, a voice called out from behind him.

"Dean," his voice was measured with a sort of lilt (maybe concern).

"Goddammit, Cas," he jumped, flinching, but turning to the angel on instinct, "-you gotta stop doing that."

He skimmed over him a second like he couldn't believe he was real. But he was, and he was standing right in front of him. Before he could say another word though, Cas started searching over him -quickly.

He lifted his arm (grabbing him by the wrist, Dean's brain froze a little), looking for an injury maybe, "Are you alright?"

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

"What? Yeah," he blinked the haze out of his eyes, "-yeah, I'm fine, Cas. I'm in Heaven, what could hurt me?"

He furrowed his eyebrows in the way he always did and seemed to take him in a second. Blue eyes looked him over, maybe trying to tell if he was lying or not. (He probably could, if he was.) The way that he looked at him so intently always made him want to squirm, or run away, or make some odd comment.

It was a little relieving to see it now though.

"It's good to see you," Dean spoke without thinking about it. It was the first thing he thought of.

And it was, Cas being here felt like that missing piece was back in place. Perfectly slotted. It was kinda clouding his judgment.

Cas did the head tilt thing that he always did (and Dean let himself think for the first time that it was cute), eyebrows furrowing together. Even if Dean didn't know him well enough, he would've known he was confused.

"It's good to see you too, Dean," he finally spoke, cautiously but still so damn genuine, "-Although, I do wish we met in different circumstances."

Dean laughed a little, and the silence felt like he was being swallowed whole. But he just couldn't open his mouth.

"Dean?" He still said it exactly the same as he did the first day he met him. It made his head spin a little.

He looked at him, wordlessly.

"Why am I... here?"

Dean pushed his lips together, kind of deflecting, "When did you get out?"

Cas looked at him, maybe a little guiltily but still very sound, "Jack got me out... as soon as he had the power to."

"So, what-" he stated, trying to clarify, "-uh, right after Chuck was taken care of? When he snapped everybody back into existence?"

"Yes," Cas answered, "-After he left the two of you, he spoke to the Empty and got me out. It apparently wasn't easy, but..."

Dean but at his lip a little, looking to the ground a second, "So... So, all those weeks I was on Earth, you were out? Alive?"

Cas was just staring at him, mouth pressed into a thin line. Dean saw something shift through his eyes that couldn't really understand.

"And you-" he continued, now a little frustrated, "-you what, you didn't think to at least tell me that?"

"Dean-"

"No, no," he interrupted, "-I thought you were dead, Cas. Gone. And you just didn't want to tell me?"

"That's not," he let out a big long sigh, "-That's not the case, Dean."

"Sure as hell looks like it," he scoffed, and maybe he was frustrated but he couldn't find it in himself to be angry. Not anymore.

"I thought," Cas cleared his throat, maybe a little awkwardly, "-I thought you wouldn't want to see me."

"Why wouldn't I want to see you?" Dean asked, incredulously.

"The last..." he echoed out, like he didn't want to say the wrong thing, "-The last meeting we had wasn't preferable to you. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

He rolled around the thought in his head a second, and all he got was resounding defiance, but he couldn't quite say that yet. His head just kept pounding.

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

"Did you-" he started again, searching for answers, "-After the Empty, did you think I was happy?"

Cas looked at him a second, before swinging his eyes to his sleeve almost instinctively (where the bloody handprint would've been), "Not happy necessarily."

"But your damn deal, or whatever," Dean waved his hand dismissively, "-you had to be happy. Completely happy."

"Yes," he answered, inquisitively, "-What is this about, Dean?"

"Cas," he responded, his voice a little shaky (he could see his eyes hitch on it), "-did you think I would care? That I wouldn’t give a damn if you died?"

He pressed his lips together and didn't say a word. Dean thought it was the most telling thing in the world.

His lungs felt like they were tied with rope -he couldn't get a good breath in. Like he was suffocating-

"Really?"

"You looked-" Cas tried to defend himself, "-You looked happy, Dean."

"Yeah," he explained, as if it was obvious, "-because you wanted me to be. And I was trying. For you."

He didn't respond.

"Because what good was a damn sacrifice if I didn't try?"

Cas opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Even though it looked like he was trying, maybe even trying to understand what Dean was expressing. Like he couldn't see it, or didn't believe it.

God, he really doesn't know how much I care?

He posed another question, wringing his hands, "Do you know how I died, Cas?"

"Of course I do, Dean."

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

"I've had a lot of time to do some thinking," Dean continued, walking a little in place, "-and I think... No, I know that I did it on purpose."

"Don't say that," Cas spoke, voice heavy with something.

"Sammy wanted to call an ambulance," he continued, looking down at his hands and still walking, "-and I didn't let him."

"And you think-" something smoothed over in his eyes, "-you think you could've survived?"

"Maybe," he offered, "-I guess I don't know, but I... Cas, I didn't try. I didn't fight it. I spent my whole life fighting it, and when it mattered most, I didn't damn fight it."

Cas's face fell a little, some sort of understanding in his eyes, agreement even. It rattled through Dean's bones, and made it a little hard to stand a moment.

"I never thought that I could leave Sammy alone," he continued, and one of his hands racked through his hair, "-I was scared shitless to. But it was so easy to just give up. I wasn't... I wasn't living, Cas. Despite whatever you think in that angel head of yours, I was not damn happy."

Cas just looked at him, eyes flicking between his, trying to understand. He took a second, before replying, "I'm sorry, Dean. I would never want to cause you so much pain."

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

Dean's heart was pounding in his chest. He felt for a second that maybe it would burst through his ribcage like it did in cartoons. It felt damn powerful enough.

His breath caught in his throat, and he felt the urge for to say it. It was on the very tip of his tongue.

"I know, Cas," he deflected (something in his chests stung, coward), "-I know."

Cas just looked at him then, scanning over his face. He could tell there was something else, he looked right into his damn soul every time he looked at him, and there was something else. Dean waited a second, to see if he'd say anything, but he was hit with a resounding no.

Maybe he thought he'd already said enough. Too much maybe. Dean didn't know if he agreed with him or not.

"Cas, I-" he spoke, maybe a little quietly, "-I can't be happy without you. You gotta know that."

He was looking at him more intensely now, still trying to understand it all. Like maybe he couldn't imagine what Dean was trying to say. Or maybe like he couldn't even fathom it.

I love him, I love him, I love him-

"I know you didn't-" he cleared his throat, eyes flickering away (he couldn't look at him right now), "-I know you didn't see me. When you, uh, died, any of the times. But I- I gotta tell ya, I was far from happy."

Cas didn't interrupt him, he just kept looking. Staring. Like every word he said was important.

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

He just kept talking, at this point he could stop (his eyes burned), "I kept your goddamn trenchcoat in Baby the whole time you were..."

He thought maybe for a second he was working himself up, but he couldn't stop now.

"And when Lucifer stabbed you," he pressed his lips together, and swallowed, "-I gave you a hunter's funeral and... and watched your body burn up into flames."

"Dean," Cas spoke, he could maybe see the edge he was teetering on. Maybe he could see that he was going to cry, and that was new. Maybe he was trying to soothe-

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

"And then, when the Empty got you," Dean's voice shook a little, "-I stayed there, for a... a while and cried, probably the most I ever have in my life-"

Cas flinched, maybe a little guiltily, "Dean."

"-I couldn't even answer Sam's damn phone call."

He was holding out his hands now, a little like how cops did, in those shows, when the perpetrator had a weapon or was threatening his own life. Cautious, careful. A little like he'd explode. Voice careful and measured, "Dean, I didn't know-"

"I know that, Cas," he interrupted, maybe a little defensively but he couldn't help it, "-I've been beating myself up about it since I realized that I never made it goddamn clear to you that I cared."

"Don't," Cas replied, a little pained, "-There's no need for that, Dean."

"For what? The fact that I didn't- That you didn't-" his words stuttered in his chest, and he just couldn't speak.

"I know now," he tried to soothe, and Dean's head was pounding, "-I know now that you... care. I know."

Care, care, care.

Love, love, love.

I love him, I love him, I love him-

It felt like his heart was in his throat, like everything was waiting to be said. Like it was right there, and he was so close.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about, Dean?"

All he could hear was his heartbeat in his chest, pounding, pounding, pounding-

I love him, I love him, I love him-

God, he didn't want him to leave.

This house was his too, he could just feel it in the walls. There was something missing, there was always something missing. Even when he was alive-

"Dean?"

How long had he wanted this? Wanted more?

I love him, I love him, I love him-

"Dean."

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

"Dean, are you alright?"

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

I love him, I love him, I love him-

"Dean," his hands were on his shoulders now (just like before-), "-can you hear me?"

Pounding, pounding, pounding.

I love him, I love him, I love him-

Pounding, pounding, pounding.

I love him, I love him, I love him-

Pounding, pounding, pounding.

"Dean!"

I love him, I love him, I love him-

"Shit, Cas, you can have it!"

Cas looked startled for a moment, but he didn't step away, he didn't let go. Dean's stomach twisted. "What are you-"

"Back, back before the Empty... you said-"

Cas just stared at him, it made Dean want to stop but he couldn't stop-

"-you said, 'The one thing I want, I know I can't have'-"

He just kept talking, and Cas kept staring -something shining in his eyes. Dean thought he knew what.

"-and I'm pretty damn sure that thing was me-"

Cas was looking at him the way he always did, and Dean recognized it for what it was now.

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

"-You can have it, Cas," he was speaking softer now, a little out of breath, "-You've... You've always had it. Had... Had me."

Cas was just staring a little in disbelief, dropping his hands, and stepping back a little (it made Dean's heart sting).

I love him, I love him, I love him-

"You don't-" he shook his head, not quite looking at him, "-You don't know what you're saying."

"I'm pretty damn sure I do," he responded, a little biting but there was just so much. It couldn't come out any other way.

Cas stared at him like he was trying to find the confusion, the lie, but he was coming up empty-handed. Wonder why the fuck that is.

"Goddammit, Cas," he pushed his palms into his eyes, "-are you gonna make me say it?"

"Say what?" He asked, like it wasn't obvious. Like he couldn't fathom it. It made Dean's hands shake, and his throat clog up.

He loves me, he loves me, he loves me-

"Damn it, I love you too!"

The silence that filled the room was suffocating, but Dean just needed to breathe-

"And I can't be happy without you," he spoke, eyes still behind his hands (he couldn't look), "-and I want you to goddamn stay for once."

There was another beat.

"With me," and he thought he may have sounded a little pathetic, but he was very much past that point already.

And there was no one here who would ever judge him. Cas would never judge him and he knew that. He knew that like he knew that the sun rises in the morning and falls at night. Cas would never.

Before he knew what was happening, he felt hands pulling back his own -calloused fingertips against his own. Dean's breath hitched in his chest.

He loves me? He loves me? He loves me?

Cas was close now, and before he fully let go, he kept his hands on his face -cradling. And at first Dean thought he might kiss him (which he wasn't sure how to feel about), but he just kept them there.

He was looking at him like he always does (with love) and holding him a little like he was precious maybe, to him. Dean still couldn't understand that, but he thought one day he might be able to. That Cas might help him to.

"Okay, Dean," he spoke, gentle after a long sort of silence, "-I'll stay."

I love him.

He loves me.

#supernatural #castiel #destiel #dean winchester #deancas #spn #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #destiel fanfiction #watchoutwriting #spn finale fix-it #the apple pie life for me (and you)

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janicho88 · 8 months

Text

When It All Falls Apart - Chapter 13

Pairing- ex!Jensen x Padalecki Reader

Word count- 4,363

Warnings- Some language. Dealing with a breakup. Sad reader. Angst, If I missed something let me know!

A/N-Jensen finally realizes how bad he screwed up, but someone else is coming in for the reader's attention. A little off canon, SPN ended after 10 years. We still got all the characters in during that time though. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural. Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns. Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right? While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere. Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

A ringing phone wakes you from a deep sleep Saturday morning, you fumble to answer it not bothering to see who it is.

“What?” you finally groan out when you hit the right button.

“Well good morning to you too, little sis,” Jeff greets you on the other end.

“It’s Saturday, I don’t have to work. I was sleeping, Jeffery.”

He just chuckles on the other end.

“What do you want brother dear?”

“Your niece and nephew have been asking about you. I wondered if you had any plans today, or if you would like to come over and hang out? I’ll even make you lunch before I send you home.”

When you don’t respond right away he continues. “Did you fall back to sleep on me?”

“I’m thinking. Yes, I’ll come over, but only because Tyler and Katie want me, and because you’re feeding me.”

“I thought that might get you. Bring your suit, I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“Alright, see ya.”

With a groan you push yourself out of bed to get yourself ready. You’re looking forward to seeing your niece and nephew, but your bed had been so comfortable. Forty minutes later you are stopping for a frappuccino and bagel before arriving at their house.

It’s maybe thirty seconds after you pull in the driveway, that the front door opens and two excited children run out to greet you, with their father watching from the porch.

“What, I don’t get you running out to greet me at my car too?” you tease Jeff, walking up to the house.

“Uh no. I don’t think you ever have, or ever will.”

“Fine, whatever. You don’t love me I get it,” you tease.

“You’re so dramatic.”

The two kids are telling you all about the plans they have for you today. The list is a long one and you aren’t sure one day is going to be enough to get it all done. Tyler wants to show you his newly rearranged room, so that is stop number one. You leave there with a handful of hot wheel cars he wants to play with. Of course Katie isn’t going to be left out and her room is next. She shows off a new doll she wants the two of you to play with also.

When you reach the living room Mary Jo is just coming in the front door from a store run. You go offer to help carry in the bags, but Jeff waves you away to go back to the kids. Sitting in the living room you take turns playing with the toys they each chose.

It doesn’t take too long for the both of them to become bored and want to move on to something else. Jeff suggests swimming, and everyone changes into their suits and head out back to the pool. Your brother gets in the water with the kids first and you follow. MJ sits on the steps watching. As you are playing with Katie in the shallow end, your sister-in-law questions you about working on Walker.

Tyler wants you to come swim with him, so you and Jeff switch places, and you play around with him in the water. When the kids tire out, their parents call them up on the deck to sit and try off while Jeff goes in to throw lunch together. Tyler is already trying to figure out what you can all do next before he is halfway through his lunch. He isn’t very happy when MJ tells him his food needs to settle before he can start running around playing tag like he was hoping.

You end up staying until after dinner and the kids wore both themselves and you out. Back in your apartment you curl up on the couch with a movie when your phone beeps, signaling a text. A smile crosses your face when you see the contact name you gave your new costar.

Toby C- Any plans tomorrow?

Me- Oh yeah, super busy! Sleep in, possibly watch a movie or if I get up the energy go workout. What’s up?

Toby C- I heard tonight there was some Summer night thing, it ends tomorrow. Wasn’t sure if you would be interested?

Me-Maybe…

Toby C- Am I supposed to persuade you somehow? If so I’m going to need some help with how to do that.

Me- Haha. What time? If you tell me before noon it’s an automatic no Mr. Allen.

Toby C- How’s 4?

Me- That could work. Do you want to meet there?”

Toby C- I’ll pick you up, send me your address.

Me- Done, See you tomorrow, have a good night.

Toby C- Night.

Turning the movie back on, you look up Summer Nights on your phone. Hot Summer Nights is something the city has apparently put on for five years now. There are 12 different venues which host different live acts each over four days. Pulling up the list of venues you aren’t familiar with any of them. There are a couple that interest you and some that might be a little much, but you’ll see what Keegan is thinking tomorrow.

The ringing phone wakes you from a sound sleep Sunday morning. With a frustrated groan you reach for the offending device from your night stand and manage to answer it without opening your eyes.

“This better be important,” you growl out to the person on the other line.

“Well good morning to you too,” comes with a chuckle from the other end.

“Seriously, Jared? Why are you calling me this early? It was Jeff yesterday, now you. If you two keep this up, I’m going to be an only child.”

“Okay, nine am isn’t that early. We have earlier call times through the week.”

“We do, that’s why I like sleeping later on the weekends.”

“Yeah, yeah, when you have kids that doesn’t happen. Do you want to come over this afternoon? Hang out and have dinner?”

“Thanks, but I already have plans.”

“Real plans, or eating popcorn on your couch plans?”

“Real plans, after I get more sleep. Thank you, but maybe another time.”

“With who?”

“Ugh, does it matter?”

“Just making sure you’re safe.”

“Keegan, happy? I’m going back to sleep now. Bye Jared.”

You hang up before he can say anything else, rolling over you try and go fall back to sleep but it doesn’t happen. Giving up an hour later you drag yourself from the bed and change into workout clothes to take some of your morning frustrations out on the spin bike in the workout room.

After showering, laundry and going over the script for this week’s scenes take up the rest of your day. Just before four there is a knock on your apartment door, opening it you welcome Keegan in.

“Hey, come on in.”

“Hi, thanks.” He takes a look around slightly shocked, “Um, nice place.”

“It’s small, I know. That’s the first thing everyone notices.” Picking up your purse you turn back to him. “Did you already have a venue in mind you want to check out?”

“I thought it was just music downtown? I thought the flier I saw said something about coming downtown to check out live bands, I guess I didn’t read too far into it.”

“I pulled it up last night after you texted. There are twelve different venues with live acts. Some smaller, some fairly big.”

Grabbing your phone off the table you pull the site back up to show him. He takes a minute to look through it before turning back to you.

“Have you been to any of these places before?”

“I haven’t, but I didn’t think the last one listed sounded bad. It’s supposed to be a smaller venue, they serve food, and are featuring different types of music. The other one.” You have to look over his shoulder at your phone to find the name. “That one, The Green Jay seemed similar to the first. The others all talk about multiple stages and big parties. I think those might be kinda packed.”

“You’re probably right about that. Okay, let’s check out, what’s the name of the first one?” He looks at the screen, “Valhalla.”

Taking out his own phone he types in the address to pull up directions. They two of you exit the apartment and after you lock up he follows you down the steps. Getting in the car, you hear his phone announce the bar is 8 minutes away. He pulls into a parking lot on the corner across the street from the bar. Looking up, you see The Green Jay is across the other street.

Keegan waits at the front of the car for you and the two of you make your way toward the first stop, to find that they don’t open until 6 pm.

“Oops, guess we should have checked that huh?” you say sheepishly, turning to him.

“Probably. Well, let’s try the other one.”

That one opens at 5pm, the two of you have forty minutes to kill. Looking around at your surroundings you see an open business across the street.

“We could go to the Chess Club.”

Keegan looks at you with raised brows, “I think I’ll see what our other choices are first.”

Turning the other way you see a number of people down the street. “Stubb’s Bar-B-Q, is down there. It’s another venue, maybe they’ll be open.”

They were, and also already packed at the outdoor stage.

Inside the bar wasn’t too bad, but the outside area in front of the stage was packed. Going back inside you find an empty table and sit down. A waitress comes over for your drink order and Keegan adds an order of Nachos.

“No sense drinking on an empty stomach.”

“You’re a smart one Mr. Allen.”

The drinks arrive and he looks around the restaurant, a band is playing in the background. “So you live 8 minutes away and haven’t been to any of these places?” he questions with disbelief.

“Well, I haven’t even been living there a month yet. I was staying with Jared before that, it’s probably 25, 30 minutes from there. I was living at Jensen’s place first, when I moved here from LA. He might have ordered from here before and picked it up, but I don’t think we ever came down here.”

“I didn’t mean to bring up that. I um…”

“Heard the gossip about that breakup? It was announced on TV, so it doesn’t really surprise me if you did.”

“Sorry.”

You just shrug, not wanting to get into it too much and bring the mood down. “How are you liking Texas so far?”

“Good. Not quite as crazy as California.”

“True. Which is nice sometimes.”

“It is,” he agrees.

“So where did you find to call home while you’re staying here?”

“I’m leasing an apartment at The District at SoCo. It’s like 2-3 minutes away from your place.”

“I’ve driven by there, looks nice.”

“It is. Clean, roomy. I like it.”

“That’s good.”

The nachos arrive and the conversation slows. A little after five the tab is paid and the two of you make your way over to The Green Jay.

The place is already filling up. You ask Keegan to find a table and you grab some soft drinks from the bar to start. Trying to slow the pace of your night out. While at the bar, you find out they don’t serve food but allow you to bring it in from other local restaurants. The band takes the stage and it’s so loud you aren’t able to hold much of a conversation. After listening to a few songs from their second band of the night, Keegan asks if you want to check out Valhalla, which should be open now.

The bands there are just staring for the night, and the place is still fairly empty. Grabbing drinks first the two of you make your way to a table. Keegan notices some foosball tables off the side and challenges you to a game. He ends up winning two rounds and you go back to the table to put in a dinner order. While you wait, you talk Keegan into an air hockey game. This time you come out the victor.

When dinner arrives you make your way back to the table and enjoy the music while you eat. It’s after 9, when the two of you are finally ready to head out.

Getting to your apartment complex, he walks you up to the door, before saying goodnight.

“Thanks for hanging out with me tonight.”

“It was fun. Thanks for inviting me,” you respond.

“We’ll have to plan something else again. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, have a good night, drive safe.”

“Will do. Night.”

You wake up Monday to a number of Instagram notifications on your phone. Opening up the app as you get out of bed you see Keegan tagged you in a post last night. There are some videos and photos from the different bars, you never even noticed him taking any. Scrolling through he has pictures of the various bands, a video of you singing along with a song, you standing at the air hockey table looking away from the camera, and one with the outside of each bar.

Fun night exploring more of Austin. Thanks for the company @Y/NPadalecki

You skim the various comments as you're brushing your teeth. There are more than a few that question if you two are dating now and if that’s why you broke up with Jensen. Shaking your head, you continue to get yourself ready for work.

The morning on set goes by quickly, as you are walking to the catering tent Keegan comes up beside.

“Hey, can we take lunch in your trailer or mine? We should talk.”

“Okay, yeah, sure.”

When you both have your food, he follows you over to your trailer. As he sits across from you at the table you speak first.

“Is something wrong?”

“Not really, maybe, I don’t know. I’m not sure if you were on Instagram today, or…”

“I was.”

You notice the brief frown on his face before he hides it. “I saw some of the comments about the two of us dating, and I realized we never really talked about what we were, and what that was.”

He looks up at you, but you stay silent to see where he is going. Your mind is racing, you aren’t sure if you are ready to get back out in the dating pool yet.

“When I asked you to go with me I was asking as a friend, I didn’t mean to lead you on. We’ve just gotten along so well on set, and I don’t know many people around. I thought we could be friends, hangout and whatever. I have a girlfriend, it dawned on me this morning I don’t think I ever told you about Ali. I’m sorry.”

“Honestly, I wasn’t thinking along those lines either. I’m not sure I’m ready to get back out there yet. I could use another friend though, I don’t know too many more than you do here.”

“Friends?” he questions.

“Friends. I’d like to hear more about Ali sometime. If she's in town sometime maybe we could all hang out.”

“I think she’d be okay with that. I’ve told her about you.”

Going back to your food, it isn’t long before you are being called back to set. While you are packing up at the end of the day, there’s a knock on your trailer door.

“It’s open!”

Your brother walks in a moment later.

“Hi.”

“Hey Jare, what’s up?”

“So how was your night out?”

“It was fine. I’ve never been to that part of downtown before.”

“So you and Keegan, huh?”

“Jared Tristen Padalekci, don’t you dare even start with me, don’t go there. Whatever it was or is or isn’t, is no one’s business but our own. I’m not involving you in my love life one way or the other anymore.”

You know there is nothing between the two of you, but you don’t want your older brother’s opinions or interference either way. He stands there staring at you a moment, slightly taken back.

“I just want to make sure you don’t get hurt again.”

“I do appreciate that, but if there was something to tell, I would do it in my own time.”

He stares at you for a moment, “alright, fine. Leaving it alone. Do you want to come over for dinner Sunday? We were going to tell Tom about the baby.”

“That’s a family moment, I don’t want to intrude.”

“You are family too. Plus Jeff’s family is coming. ”

“Then sure, just let me know what time.”

The rest of the week went by quickly, you were on set everyday this week. Thursday is a lighter day for you. Gen and Jared have a few scenes, so you hang out with Tom in your trailer while they are busy. He helps you pick out what dessert to make for Sunday.

“I want that one!” he exclaims pointing to a cake.

“The orange one?”

“Yeah! Can we have those on top too?” He points to a cupcake with orange chew candies on top.

“Alright, let’s see what that cake entails. I’ll see if I can find the candies.”

The cake he chose is an orange dreamsicle with orange cream cheese frosting.

“I think it’s doable buddy.”

“Can we have it tonight?”

“Um, no. It’s going to be for Sunday. But we can go see if they have any cookies at craft services. How about that?”

“Okay,” he reluctantly agrees.

After returning to your trailer with a cookie or three, Tom settles down on the couch and eventually drifts off for his nap. You go over your scenes for the next day until Gen comes to take him home.

You’re grumbling to yourself as you walk through the crowded grocery store late Saturday morning. You should have come after work yesterday and it wouldn’t have been so bad. You’re trying to grab a few groceries for your apartment and the ingredients for tomorrow’s cake. Somehow you spend almost an hour in the crowded store, before you are finally on your way back home. Stopping at a nearby sub shop, you grab lunch to take with you.

Once the groceries are put away, you pull up the directions for the cake and pull out the ingredients needed. Thankfully the apartment actually came with two round baking pans. When it’s in the oven you set out the frosting ingredients that need to rise to room temp and collapse over on the couch.

When the cakes are out you whip up the crumb coating frosting so it’s ready to go when the two layers cool. The orange layer of filling is next. As you are working you realize just how much you miss having a normal size kitchen, and your own pans and utensils. This little one really isn’t meant to spend much time in.

You hit the apartment gym while waiting for the crumb coating to harden so you can finish the frosting. Returning later, you clean up the kitchen after the cake is finished, hit the shower and spend the evening on the couch watching Hallmark.

Over at Jared’s house one excited Tom is waiting for his Unca Jensen to arrive. Watching out the front window he excitedly yells when the familiar truck pulls up.

“He’s here, he’s here, he’s here!” He waits for the truck to stop before running outside, Jared right behind him.

“Tom, how’s it going buddy?” Jensen asks, picking him up and carrying him toward the house.

Little man wastes no time filling him in on the week he’s had. Jensen greets Jared as he walks up to him, and the three retreat into the house. Tom is showing off a new toy and telling him about a blanket fort he built with his dad one night. When it becomes obvious the young boy has some energy to burn, they change clothes and move down to the pool.

It’s later in the swim when Tom brings up his Aunt Y/N. Jared notices the quick look of sadness that comes across his friend's face, and the way he has to look away. The two of them haven’t talked a lot lately, and none of it’s been anything very deep. Gen told him what was said when she picked up Tom, and he is wondering exactly what Jensen might be thinking about his sister.

When Tom tires of the water and they get out of the pool, he decides to bring it up. Making sure his son is occupied with his toy in the yard he turns to Jensen.

“Gen told me about the conversation the two of you had last week.”

Jensen looks up at his friend, but doesn’t speak.

“I’ve heard Y/N’s side of things, and I know what happened here, but I haven’t really heard much of yours.”

Taking a deep breath Jensen looks over at his friend, “What do you want me to say?”

“The truth, what happened? I really thought she meant something to you, or I would have put up a bigger fight when you first told me you wanted to ask her out years ago.”

He thinks over how he wants to explain everything. “Honestly, I didn’t realize how bad things between us had become until after she left Toronto. I really never meant for things to go as bad as they did. I got so caught up with trying not to screw up and piss anyone off on set, and get along with them all, I…I just lost sight of the people who were most important to me.”

He brings back up the Dark Angel set, Jared understands that, Jensen has told him before just how bad things there had been. He can understand his friend not wanting a repeat, especially working with a much larger cast.

“It took a few weeks after she was gone for me to get over the hurt of her leaving and breaking up. Then I started to notice I was waiting for her to call, I realized then she was right. I expected her to call, I stopped picking up the phone and reaching out to her, I stopped putting time and effort into the one thing I should have been terrified to lose. But I was too stuck in my head to recognize what was going on. Suddenly, I didn’t have the one person I wanted to share everything I was working hard for with. I really had nothing at all then.”

They are both quiet for a minute before Jensen continues.

“I’ve talked to Gen and Mack, I’ve told them both she deserves better than me, and she does. But I’ve come to realize, I want to be selfish. I want her back, I need her. I’m just not sure if she’ll take me.”

Jared studies his friend’s face and can tell he really means that. He knows how bad he screwed up, he does seem to be hurting too. “She is still upset, I have no idea if she will or won’t give you another shot. If you hurt her again, I won’t be able to hold back from punching you.”

“I have no intention of messing up again if she is willing to give this another chance. But I don’t know if I can do that to her right now.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I’m going to be working in New Mexico some over the next few months. I’ll be back and forth between here and there, then there is press for The Boys and the movie coming up later on.”

“Are you trying to talk yourself out of this now? Or just giving excuses for why you won’t try?”

“She deserves someone who’s around.”

“That’s up to her. Both of you understand how this industry works. You need to decide if you really want her back before you just start playing games and leading her on. Until you do, maybe you both need some space.”

Jared leaves Jensen sitting out there with Tom, while he goes to see if Gen needs any help with dinner. The four of them sit out on the patio for dinner and Tom asks when Jensen is going to come back over.

“I’m not sure buddy. I leave tomorrow for work out of town again. We’ll do something when I get back alright?”

“How long are you gone for?” Jared asks, as he walks back over.

“I’m in New Mexico until Saturday, I fly to Dallas for Levi’s birthday, then go back to New Mexico. I think I’m here again the Friday before we leave for the Colorado Convention.”

“So you really will be coming back here some?” He questions, trying to get a feel for his friends' plans.

“Yes. It’s just going to be a recurring role. They’ve already started filming, they’re done with me in early November for the most part. I might be in an episode or two filming in the spring.”

“So this one won’t be months at a time, seems like it’s already different from what you were doing earlier this year.”

After dinner Tom runs off to play leaving the adults sitting at the table. Jared starts clearing off the table when Gen goes to get up.

“I got it, you take a break. You’ve been going long enough today.”

It takes him a minute, but what Jared is referring to finally clicks in Jensen’s head. “That’s right, how are you doing? How is baby number 2 treating you?”

“We’re both fine. Not as active as Tom was yet. I’m sure that will change.”

“Does Tom know, he hasn’t mentioned the baby.”

“No, we're telling him tomorrow.”

Jensen helps Jared clean up before heading back home to finish packing. His head is full with thoughts of you, and what he should do. He knows what he wants to do, but he isn’t sure he can face your rejection, even if he does deserve it.

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 14- Coming soon