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catiuskaa · 5 months

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strawberry blond.

part of the “now playing: mitski!” series

Jisung had been avoiding the truth for the past six months, but now, it’s time to face the storm. even if it hurts.

angst. and I mean it. (still, hope you enjoy it!) TW: mentions of death and one's struggles to accept it. WC: 2.1k

[☆★🌌★☆]

Han Jisung loved many things, but one of his favourites was to lay down on the grass near Han River after a concert.

He could still hear the echo of the cheering and clapping on stage, his ears buzzing in a high-pitched sound that felt almost nostalgic despite it not having been too long since the show had ended.

A small smile lingered on his features as the night breeze grazed him tenderly, eyes focused on the sky full of stars above, hands playing with the strands of grass in between his fingers, pulling at it, playing with it on his hands, tugging the petals of the small dandelions near.

He had always cherished the night after a show or a concert. And it had always been with you, lying down near the river, either sighting softly at the breeze or laughing under the rain.

He turned his head, blinking slowly, staring at the empty space at his side, and his heart skipped a beat, leaving him breathless for an instant.

Your smile beamed, and so did his, but shyly, as if he was afraid of being happy. With a soft grunt, you got up, almost giddily as you pranced around on the grass, barefoot, tugging at his sleeve and softly kicking his legs so he’d get up too, giggling sheepishly.

“C’mon, Hannie!” You shined.

He sighed, ignoring the hand you offered at him, almost as if it wasn’t there, tangible, before him, and instead pushed himself up by his knees.

You snickered, quickly putting your shoes back on and childishly hopped around him, both heading back to the car.

He stared at you, at your strawberry blond hair that reached the small on your back, the silhouette of the tall buildings that surrounded the area getting blurry in his eyes while your figure took over his gaze.

You faltered, turning around.

“I love this river.”

And I love you.

But he didn’t say it out loud. Instead, he stared at you as you smiled, breathing in, arms outstretched, as if yearning that the breeze would take you with her.

He sighed, again, but it was even more melancholic. Broken. As grey as the clouds that started to cover the sky above, and as grey as the river flowed, not able to reflect the light the stars and moon shined, turning dark.

You frowned. “What’s wrong?” Your eyes softened at him, getting closer. “Why are you crying, Hannie?”

A tearful snicker left his lips. His knuckles threatened to graze your cheeks, your features soft to the eye, but he retracted his hand, shaking his head slightly and grinning at you.

“It’s ok.” He sniffed, heart-shaped smile softly fading away. “I got something in my eye.”

You both got in the car, and he stared at the empty place beside him, eyes in a shy shade of red, holding his tears back.

He heard you giggle when you opened the window, taking your hand out and playing with the wind in your hands, childishly fascinated at the resistance of your palm and the speed of the car, not too fast but enough that the breeze felt much stronger.

The tips of your long strawberry blond hair also were out, flowing rapidly to the air as he stared at the asphalt roadway, fighting the impulse to hold your free hand that rested on your thigh.

But he kept driving, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. Driving somewhere he didn’t really want to go. With someone who wasn’t really there.

His heart skipped a beat. Emotional. The happy, nervous feeling that lingered when your body was close to him came back, the feeling that shivered in his body whenever the cute nickname you called him rolled off your tongue. But it ached.

He parked not too long after, and he got out of the car, grinning softly as you played with the dents in the pathway, hopping and skipping around in cutesy, childish giggles.

“Wait!” You whispered-yelled all of a sudden.

And his body stopped in his tracks, almost reluctantly, as if fighting a treacherous battle between his heart and his brain, his stare finally turning to face you fondly, yet his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Can you hear it?”

Your tone was soft, tender, so much that Jisung could almost feel it surround him lovingly, a deep, sweet voice resonated with warmth, like rich honey pouring slowly, a comforting and soothing melody that wrapped around him, a blanket in a cold winter.

The soft buzz of a small, hardworking little bee surprised him, his face displaying raw emotion, a stray tear slowly falling rolling down his cheek.

He was afraid of bugs. But he loved you. And because of it, he had learned to love those fuzzy little bees, who’s buzzing sound you cherished deeply.

The small bee lingered around the two of you, and gently pranced to the small plants and flowers on the side of the street.

“Oh, look! Forget-me-nots!” Your smile shined as you bent down to get a closer look at the small bluish flowers. “It means remembrance, but also true love and devotion,” you muttered happily. “It’s my favourite flower.”

His heart ached as he bent down next to you and picked a small branch, keeping it close to him, twirling it nervously in his hand as you both wandered, walking down the empty street.

“Hannie?” Your voice pondered. “You haven’t said anything in a while.” He smiled softly at your statement, nodding.

He froze in front of a large metal door, its paint thin and torn into small pieces that remained on the floor, the dents left from it falling, now rusty.

“Hannie?” Your voice faltered.

He tried to smile.

“I haven’t been too cheerful tonight, haven’t I?”

His eyes couldn’t hold yours for long, silent tears rolling down his cheeks.

He held your hands in a sudden motion, and his touch crashed through your body like a storm.

Jisung gasped, his cries growing in intensity. “It’s… it’s been… what, six months?” He let out a gentle laugh, yet it was painful to hear. “Six months since… you’ve been gone.”

Your eyes widened, as if you remembered everything all of a sudden.

“I…” he nodded, his hands roaming through your face, his thumbs stroking your cheeks, your body feeling weak by his touch. “The… accident…”

He cried, hugging your now translucent body.

“I m-miss you s-so much.” He trembled, hugging you tightly despite how cold your body felt. “I… I wanted to do so much with you. I… I love-”

“No! D-don’t say it.”

You cradled his face in your hands.

“I… I’ll wait for you. Up there. Next to the stars. Don’t even dare rush to me. I have all my life. Or. Well, you. Y-you have all your life in front of you.” You cried, yet you still were smiling at him. Broken.

He bit his lip. Hard. God, this wasn’t fair. He wanted to scream it to you. To put into words how his heart was beating for you, for the memories of you he held so dearly, and to fail miserably, because no words could ever do justice to what he was feeling. To whisper to the whole world how he loved you.

But he couldn’t whisper anything, because his whole world wasn’t right before him, but six feet under, behind that metal door fence he hadn’t dared to cross.

In the fading twilight, beneath a blur of somber clouds that mirrored the heaviness in his heart, Jisung stayed put, staring at you, someone who wasn't actually there, in front of the cemetery, as if at the crossroads of farewell. The air, thick with unspoken words hung between you like a shroud.

Han traced the outline of your face with trembling fingertips, as if committing each pore in your skin to memory, etching the details of her existence onto his soul, heart, or mind. His eyes, once vibrant with shared laughter and secret glances, now reflected the inevitable sorrow of parting.

In the end, he had to accept it, right?

A silent understanding passed between you, an acknowledgment that this kiss held the weight of a thousand unspoken goodbyes.

As your lips met, the taste of salt lingered—a mix of tears, both shed and unshed. The kiss carried the bittersweet essence of nostalgia, a blend of the moments you had shared and the ones that would forever remain unfulfilled wishes of sorrowed hearts. It was a dance of desperation and tenderness, an attempt to catch a universe of emotions in a touch.

The world seemed to slow as you clung to each other, as if time itself was reluctant to let go, apologizing for separating those in love.

But an apology wouldn't bring you back, would it?

As he reluctantly pulled away, your eyes locked for an eternity, each gaze a silent plea to remember. He clenched the flowers in his hand. He would remember. He wouldn't—couldn't—forget. The space where his hands once found solace in the warmth of your own grasp now laid vacant, a stark reminder of the impending truth that hurt to accept.

The echo of that parting kiss lingered in the air, a taste of salt on their lips, a bitter reminder that sometimes, love is not enough to defy the cruel hands of fate.

And just as mysteriously as you had appeared in front of him, staying close to him since you had died, he hugged you for what felt like the first time in months, yet the hint of your warmth disappeared, just like your figure in his eyes.

Now, you weren’t there.

Now, your death was real.

And he froze, looking around in that tombstone filled garden.

Until he found it.

“Look at you, Miss Strawberry Blond.” He muttered. He felt his eyes itch as he cried.

He wanted to laugh, to smile for you, using that silly colour you chanted when he called your redhead, just to pick on you, but he started to hiccup, crying to his heart's content and even more as he stared up to the stars, just to find the moon beaming right above.

His heart skipped a beat again.

You were gone.

“N-no… wait…”

But your memory would—will—always stay.

“No… please…”

He clung to the recently-carved stone, sitting on his knees, a crying mess.

Jisung didn’t want any memories back. He didn’t care at all about anything he had lived with you if he couldn’t spend another day with you.

He wanted you back.

“Hannie.”

He stopped breathing.

“Hannie, you need to stop.”

Your voice sounded in his head, almost like a chant in his ears, as if you were talking to him from really far away.

He stared at your name in the tombstone, shaking his head.

How could he stop?

His sadness bubbled inside of him, turning mad.

“Why are you here?” He muttered, tone filled with something that didn’t feel like him.

He sounded destroyed, eyes heavy with grief, shoulders slumped as uncontrollable sobs racked his body, his attempts to speak choked by the overwhelming feelings consuming him.

But your voice couldn’t answer or help.

“You know what?” He sniffed, frowning. “I need to say it. I fucking love you.” The silence that followed almost froze his heart, because now he could say it, but there was no one to say it back.

Still, he continued with a hiccup. “I love you so fucking much I can’t grasp that you’re gone— hell, I’ve been hallucinating about you for months because it’s so fucking painful to face that you’re not here. And I could never even say it. I could never even say how much I’ve loved you and how I’ll keep loving you even now, and it’s n-not—.”

And suddenly, amidst the confession, he felt like instead of breathing heavily, Jisung ran out of air. As if he had been hit without warnings of any kind.

His throat blocked and his chest hurt, and it was as if something had grabbed his heart, until it felt heavy, and an overwhelming feeling ran through him from head to toe as he whimpered and cried. It was a similar feeling to fear, only that it seemed that Han’s heart had been filled with stones, now heavy, confused by emotion. Feeling like it was going to escape and burst out of his chest.

And for a moment, Jisung thought he was going to die. That whatever this was was going to kill him.

“W-why ca-an’t you le-eave?” He cried, ugly, deeply, choking in between sobs as his head started hurting.

“God, H-hannie..”

But he couldn’t hear you anymore.

“It… it hu-urts t-too mu-ch…”

You stared at him from above, tears falling down as he tightly gripped his chest.

“Ple-eas-se…” he whispered “…m-ma-ake it s-sto-op…”

He felt droplets of rain starting to fall down on him.

“J-just… g-get o-ut of my-y head…”

Unlike the one he felt under your touch, a real storm was approaching.

And no one was going to hold an umbrella over his head.

~kats, who is trying really hard not to cry because she has homework to do and she can't read past her tears.

P.S: TYSM TO MY ABSOLUTE STUNNING GORGEOUS BABIES AND LIKE GOD I COULD MAKE THEM A STATUE @binsito @hiddlestandom @evermourning and @ire67 TY FOR PROOF READING THIS AND HELPING ME OUT I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU GUYS TYSSSM<3333!!!!!

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ezlo-x · 1 year

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Link getting evicted because I went back to my house and now it’s Zelda’s 😭😭

BRO GETS KICKED OUT????

#BALSBDKSBFKENF IM SORRY I WILL TRY TO DRAW THAT HE LOST HIS HOUSE #disappears for god knows how long and he has no clothes no house no bitches so sad </3 #totk spoilers

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ithinkdogshouldvote2 · 1 month

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*visibly vibrating with excitement* Damn, sucks about Normal.... I hope he gets better soon fr ✌️

#IM SORRY NORMAL I LOVE YOU AND IM SO SAD FOR YOU BUT THEN THEY MENTIONED JERRY #God beth and matt coming in out of LEFT FIELD #GOTHCLEATS RAHHHH #anyways i thought the finale was good :] 👍#dndads #dungeons and daddies #dndads s2 #shitpost #ALSO TERRYS BACK #terry jr stampler #scary marlowe #lincoln li wilson #normal oak #dndads spoilers #gothcleats

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vvenushalo · 5 months

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remembered this old sketch of mine & im being so normal about it xx

#yknow it’s jus jus *muffled screaming*#the way they hold hands 😭😭😭 STOOOPPP #like when a baby grips ur finger…. truly incredible im obsessed……..#they deserve to b normal and content and b sad but sad n supported.. so unfair literally SO UNFAAAIIRRR #my art #botw #revalink #anyways. hey.. haven’t posted on main in ages or online in general i have brain ouchies but . it’s chill i think :)#loz botw #botw link #botw revali #loz revali #artists on tumblr #digital sketch #digital art #if i never posted this im so sorry 😭 idk i still love it it’s like almost 2 yrs old but GOD something abt it

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heartorbit · 8 months

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a new world together

#project sekai #emu otori #pjsk #prsk #proseka #colorful stage #HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMU!!!!! MY BAYABTBTBTHTBTB MY ITTY BOTTY MY SILLY WILLY DAUGHTER MY DESTROYER OF WORLDS. HANDS HER A SWITLY LOLLIPOP.#🍭FOR YOU MY BEAUTIFUL SON. I LOVE MY BESUTIFUL SON.#i make bday profiles for all of wondershow but I FEEL LIKE I DIDNT DO AS GOOD ON EMUS. IM SAD. T_T IT'S STILL CUTE BUT... HEEEM.....#WAAAAAH WAAAUAUAUAUAUGUGUUHGU WAAAAAH #UEUEUUEUEE T____T!!!!!#i had to spark her bday card. i ammdown to 2000 gems. darkness fes here i come.#IM SO SAD I HAVE TO SKIP EMUS PAINTER CAAAAAARD ITS SO CUTE I LOVE IT SO MUUUCH ill draw the outfit lots.... snimiffle. and hope it comes #to me during color fest. About to go play more splatfest i had to finish this while its still the 9th FRYESWEEEEEP PLEASE BE IN THE LEEEEAD #EDIT I LIEEEEED PAINTER EMU IS MIIINE EHEHEHYEJEYEHEHEYEHEY #Peaches and love on planet earth:)#EDIT OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY FOR RUSHING THIS TO GO PLAY SPLATFE ST I DIDNT REALIZE HER RIGHT ARM IS SO MESSED HELPME its fine shes perfect

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skrs-cats · 9 months

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rut was really good im such a sucker for anything that just wants to be uplifting and genuine. so, here is them :3

#brightheart #cloudtail #warrior cats #art #i wanted to draw the designs they used for the map but i cant find official ref sheets anywhere wahhjksdf #god whenever anyone makes a video w these two it never fails to make me cry.#swiftpaw too T-T #ALSO IM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THE LIONBLAZE ANSWERS YOU GUYS SENT #I WANTED TO ANSWER W DRAWINGS BUT CAUGHT UP W ART FIGHT AND I JUST. got burnt out w drawing lion #i think #which is a... problem that you can imagine #. how sad i am about

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saddest-girl-in-the-whole-world · 10 months

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thinking about how harrows schizophrenia and general mental state is actually a lot less of a problem compared to the behaviour of everyone else around her that's using her schizophrenia and general mental state as a justification to treat her like shit during HtN.

I mean like yeah sure she's acting vaguely odd and has hallucinations of the body but like she's actually handling that well considering the situation she's in, the far bigger problem is that everyone around her is treating her like shit, hunting her for sport, treating her like she's less worthy of consideration and trying to manipulate her like sure she's not doing great but I'm sure it'd be a lot easier if!!! anyone!!! was treating her like a person!!!!

#god im so sorry for her #jod is somehow the nicest person and he just thinks shes probably really strong and also easy to manipulate #and the only time hes trying to convince the others to treat her better is when hes telling them how useful she could be #like when she almost kills ORTUS and he goes see??? shes useful!!!#it's relatable in a very sad way #im very drunk btw just came back from pride #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #tlt spoilers #harrowhark nonagesimus

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panncakes · 2 months

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"If you look closely, you'll see that Latte is the only being Ongsa talks to."

23.5 (2024)

#23.5 #23.5 the series #23.5 degrees #23.5edit #milklove #gledit #mine*#milk pansa #oh the abject horrors of being a teenage girl #[gathers ongsa gently into my arms and gives her all the warmth and comfort she deserves]#im sorry for how unkind i was to my teenage self; im sorry for unkind you are to yourself #i know her being unpopular and weird is played over the top for laughs but there is such a genuine #sadness and loneliness woven through it #having a sister who is popular and a leader and capable to a fault and a cousin who has her sight far beyond high school #and her peers and is so comfortable behind her high walls and within herself (also to a fault)#while you yourself are so starved and hungry for connection with your peers and to be liked but just seem so incapable of making that work #so incapable of getting out of your own way #is just so... god #its so universal and so heartbreaking and also i wanted to make this set #because at the end of the show ongsa will have her friends and a girlfriend and confidence in herself and hopefully #love and kindness for herself ❤️#in case you were wondering; why yes i will project all my own teenage issues onto this show because yes ongsa is a mirror thank you 🥰

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anachronistic-falsehood · 6 months

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ok pause. i just thought about wolfwood's death scenes in both trimax and 98 and i'm crying. what the fuck do you mean he just found a will to keep on living after so long of being willing to die for any bullshit reason and he died anyway. what do you mean trimax ww died next to the man who taught him how to live and love again and vash buried him alone. what do you mean 98 ww died wanting to spend his days with vash ans the girls and vash carried ww's gun around after that and used it in the final fight. what the fuck do you mean. that's the saddest shit i ever heard get said in my life

#trigun #vashwood #sorry im pausing the mcrp posting for a minute to think about trigun. it WILL happen again <3 #like come on. COME ON.#GET THE FUCK BACK HERE NIGHTOW WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS I'M DEVASTATED #listening to my vashwood playlist and i'm going to fucking sob for real why did i put mcr on this thing it's so fucking sad oh my god #tristamp ww you are on the chopping block girlie you are a dead man walking you are carrying your own tombstone #that is so sad to think about. doomed by the narrative so hard he can't escape death in any universe #whiskeys word soup

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merdie · 1 year

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cringe fail losers my beloved

#i get so sad when i see ppl re design usagi for rottmnt when yuichi is RIGHT THERE 😭😭😭#hes so sillay no one understands me #PLEASE GOD WATCH USAGI CRONICLES #ITS SO CUTE #my art #leosagi #rottmnt #leonardo #yuichi usagi #the usagi cronicles #yuichi is just as goofy as leo let them be crazy together #i just dont like stoic usagi im sorry hes a badass but SOOOOO GOOFY #dumbass yuichi >>>>>>>> cool yuichi

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aroarachnid · 1 year

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all the people who r like : "its fine to play hogwarts legacy, just pirate it!! ^-^" "donate to trans charities!"

im sorry but if u want to play antisemitism: the game i don't care whether u pirate it or not i dont fucking trust you

also donating to a trans charity is nice but unfortunately wont undo transphobes taking away our rights

jkr is massively influential and her actions have and continue to directly harm trans people. i, as a trans man in the uk, have personally experienced the effects of this but im not comfortable going into detail here.

excerpts from Wikipedia of jkr directly affecting laws and societal views on trans people:

In October 2022, Rowling voiced opposition to the Scottish Gender Recognition Reform Bill aimed at expanding the rights of transgender people, calling Nicola Sturgeon a "destroyer of women's rights".[125]

May 2022, Rowling criticised an incident where a student was hounded out of her school after questioning a speaker about what defines women.[123] The writer called the treatment of the schoolgirl "utterly shameful", adding, "The girl's crime? Saying 'sex exists'." Education secretary Nadhim Zahawi called the incident "hugely concerning" and "unacceptable".[124]

In June 2020, the Equality Act was blocked in the U.S. Senate. Republican senator James Lankford cited Rowling's essay as part of his reasoning for opposing the bill.[97]

im sure theres more but. im tired.

the antisemitism in this game is absolutely abhorrent. heres a discussion of some of its awful tropes.

harry potter has already been criticised for its antisemitism, so to have this plot is ABSOLUTELY INTENTIONAL. not to mention the game being made by an alt right figure, so you can shut up about "oh but jkr has no creative infulence so its fine!! i wanna support the devs!!"

the hp franchise also has a long history of racism, and support of slavery. the treatment of the very few people of colour is offensivley stereotypical.

if you still want to play this game after knowing all this, i want nothing to do with you. if youre a content creator of any kind, i will unfollow you if you play this game. no exceptions.

#ash rambles #harry potter #hogwarts legacy #tw harry potter #sorry for posting about this god awful game so much im just. mad. and sad.#i am white and not jewish so if ive said anything incorrect or offensive please let me know

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catiuskaa · 3 months

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i don’t like my mind.

part of the “now playing: mitski!” series

SUMMARY: there was nothing you could’ve said to him to keep hyunjin away from his thoughts. Not on the night of March 20, 2021.

WC: 0.675k

CW: mentions of vomiting, it’s really short but angsty, hyunjin’s hiatus in 2021 is the main plot. (as an oddinary era stay, i can’t grasp how it must’ve felt, so i’m sorry for bringing old memories back. </3)

A/N: ok, shit. as an empath, this was hard to write. talk about a challenge… uf. I’m sorry. please go check out my other works, i am not this depressing in default i swear 😭🫶

[◼️☆🎂☆◼️]

Hyunjin shivered, as he stared blankly at his phone.

The date glowed back, as if mocking him.

“19:54, March 20, 2021.”

It should’ve been a fairly normal late evening for him. But it couldn’t.

Normal had never been a word that he’d use often, but considering his usual routine, no one would’ve called that ‘normal.’

Except that it wasn’t going to be his routine anymore. He sighed.

His room felt colder than usual. He felt colder than usual.

Hyunjin nuzzled the blanket over his nose, and cocooned himself further under it.

He stared at the window, the curtains swaying from the wind that came from outside, but he didn’t mind it. He knew that he was cold because the window was open, but deep inside, he knew that closing it wouldn’t fix his coldness. Or how he felt and empty feeling inside of him, as if it was stuck to his heart.

The blanket wasn’t helping. He kicked it off with a grunt.

Then, his phone chimed. It had been chiming the past five minutes. Maybe ten.

< princess: hyunjin, please

His heart swelled in his chest.

< princess: talk to me, jinnie

< princess: I need to know you’re fine.

He only managed to chuckle dryly, a laugh full of acid, almost poisonus, and that sick feeling scattered all through his body.

...fine?

How could he be fine, knowing that most likely, his life was never going to be the same? How could he be fine, thinking that it could be possible that he really had wasted all of those years for nothing?

He closed his eyes.

Several people had texted him ‘happy birthday,’ but none of them new what it was going to be like.

Painful.

It was like daggers that threatened to puncture his heart and leave him bleeding on the floor, the only culprit being himself and whoever thought it was a good idea to leave him alone in his room, with his thoughts as his only company.

He frowned, and dizzily stood up from his bed, his body hurting from all the stress he had been putting himself to. In his mind, he had to be doing something. He wanted to do something. He didn’t want to keep waiting for the fuss to leave him. He wanted to keep dancing. To keep singing.

He needed to keep living.

The sight of his desk table gave him nausea. He grimmaced at it, his eyes swelling up with tears again.

Cake.

The one Jeongin and Felix had bringed hours ago. The one that they reluctantly admitted that they weren’t supposed to eat because of their restricted diets. The one that they had to leave there just the two of them because the rest of the members had so many things to do that they couldn’t manage to pass by.

The one he hadn’t dared to touch, afraid that it wouldn’t go pass the lump on his throat.

It stared at him. The whole cake. It made a nasty shiver trail up his spine, a sudden need to throw up that made him even more sick.

A stray tear fell down his cheek.

He took the cake with a sudden softness that almost surprised him.

His phone kept buzzing, forgotten, on his bed.

< princess: i’m sure the company will let you come back with them soon

< princess: hyunjin, please

< princess: call me when you see this

< princess: please, hyun, don’t do anything stupid.

< princess: I love you.

But not even your kind words could go through Hyunjin’s mind.

He approached the window and looked down from the fifth floor, finding a trash container next to the building in front.

With a groan, he stared at the cake, at the message over it.

“Happy birthday!”

He sniffed, quickly cleaning his tears up with one hand, as both of them trembled, the other still holding the cake.

And he threw it to the container, watching it crash against its lid despite the plastic cover.

He didn’t want to have a happy birthday.

He wanted his life back.

[◼️☆🎂☆◼️]

~Kats, who is so sorry for this, and who admires all of the stays who had to go through hyun’s hiatus.

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demigod-of-the-agni · 2 months

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redraw of the first ever pavitr drawing i did a little over a year ago <3

#my son.....#sorry literally all you've seen me reblog today like a maniac is pavitr #actually no. i'm not sorry. i am the pavitr poster. he is my mascot #woe upon ye. another humble drawing of the little guy #can you BELIEVE how fucking sad i drew his hair????? in the old drawing??????????? lmfao. i am screaming #it's like a straw hat. or a mouse that grew a beard and died there #maybe the real improvement his god-blessed hairstyle #im so sorry pavi. how could i have drawn you without your luscious locks #ghungroos pavitr my beloved #shadows aren't real btw. they're a construct of metaphysics #pavitr prabhakar #spider man #spider man india #spider man fanart #atsv pavitr #spiderman india #atsv #artoftheagni #woo..

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quixtrix · 1 month

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god save our women; a ramble of an analysis

or, captain laserhawk REALLY shot jade in the face and im still upset about it because oh my GOD they really made her be thrown into a role that is not HER and in death she's still a Figure. yknow, i personally don't have a problem with sarah x jade, but over the past few months occasionally i'd think about it. yeah, it's funny to call sarah gay as hell for putting jade in a femme fatale outfit, but. should that truly be our basis for the ship? or should we think a bit deeper on why exactly sarah would put the sole woman in her lil tool set into such a position? i wonder why it wouldn't hurt to think about why jade would be forced into a role where one has to be sexual.

sarah is an extent of eden and eden is society and society will occasionally harp an odd sort of something masquerading as feminism to you that being sexual gives you power! but really it only serves to loop back into being for the man's enjoyment.

now i have to say that being sexual can be empowering! it really is! we just also have to acknowledge that in the eyes of society, sex is an exchange where it serves the man more than it does the woman. it still feels good to be sexual though, and being sexual can be used right for what you want.

but when it comes to jade, jade is forced to fall into this femme fatale role, this role that demands one to be a maneater, when she usually sticks to a more impersonal way of work. in this role, she dresses in clothes that she's not comfortable with wearing, when told to change from her usual outfit she is visibly uncomfortable, and overall it doesn't fit her.

she is not a sexual person. she does not typically utilise sexuality as a tool in her arsenal, she doesn't even seem to really touch it (or she's just insanely bad at flirting). either way, she's not used to being in this position because she does not choose to be in this position often.

anyways, why does sarah think to put the woman in a position where she would have to step out of her comfort zone? because obviously, she uses things and positions as tools, and sexuality is a tool.

now i want yall to bear with me as i compare sarah to another woman in media; makima. no im not calling sarah some god awful dommy mommy or some shit, i'm bringing in makima to highlight how sexuality is used. she uses her sexuality as a woman to entice this young boy into doing things for her, ranging from a kiss to assaulting him and telling him that she'll give him more as a reward. while not inherently sexual, she offers up a date with her to encourage the devil hybrids under her control. she even offers up a kiss at one point to encourage competition. makima, someone raised by the government and given tools that she uses to manipulate others, has sexuality in her arsenal. it is not a stretch to say that sarah, someone who has intimate understanding of the government, the ladder she climbs, has seen others use sexuality as a tool. hell, it might even be encouraged to use it as a tool. i'm absolutely not saying that sarah fucked her way to the top, im saying that sarah is aware that sexuality is a tool that one can use.

now we all know how sarah got to the top, which can be reasonably assumed to be through military rank and impersonal ways. ways that don't require one to lower your guard and take you in before they strike, like a femme fatale way would. sarah most likely got through to the top by using people and throwing just enough weight around. so why does she not allow jade to flourish in a way that honestly would benefit the team way better yeah no its because she sees her as a fucking tool in order to recognise jade's real talents she must first let go of the notion that she is a simple tool and accept that as a human she has legitimate strengths in unique areas and not just one where you can remind them who is in charge and how you are a tool and FUCK EDEN AND THEIR FUCKING TOOL MINDSET FUCKING CAPITALIST MINDSET IN A SO CALLED POST CAPITALISTIC SOCIETY!!!!! okay im getting a lil heated but yknow what let's continue FUCK PEY'J LOOK AT THIS SHIT

IM SO SORRY BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL FANS THEY DID YOU SO WRONG BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO FUCKING HAMMER IN THE IDEA OF JADE BEING A FIGURE AND NOT A PERSON EVEN IN DEATH SHE IS BOILED DOWN TO SOME FUCKASS WHO KNEW HER AS A BABY'S LOVE INTEREST AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THEY DID YALL WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they did yall so wrong my god. my god !! imagine! someone who knew you as a BABY openly admitted to you when you were a young adult in your 20s that he has feelings for you! what the hell! what purpose does this serve than to cement the idea that jade is a tool, a motive? jade, a goddamn REPORTER tryna spread light on a legitimate issue on society and then gets thrown into the Ghosts because of it, is boiled down to a tool. a fucking tool by both sarah and pey'j, TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE SEEN by both show and fandom AS POSSIBLE LOVE INTERESTS FOR JADE.

SHE LITERALLY COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE IF SARAH DID SEE HER AS HUMAN AND DID UTILISE HER ACTUAL TALENTS INSTEAD OF SEEING HER AS A TOOL AND FOR THAT JADE IS UNFORTUNATELY NOT SEEN AS A PERSON, BUT AS A FIGURE.

but yknow what. yknow who also has been seen as a figure and not a person.

dolph laserhawk. eden's child soldier that they raised as a paragon of hope fallen into disgrace.

yknow what also happens with dolph and jade? they treat each other as human. jade includes dolph in her lil vlogs as she does with the rest of the team, because she is a good person. dolph recognises that she is indeed a person, someone worth remembering as themselves. not as who she was to someone, but as someone who went out of her way to offer kindness. she gets a goddamn speaking role in his vr dream alongside alex, who yes groomed him, but he also made dolph feel human.

i didnt even realise it before that they put the only two people (that are. dead. bullfrog is not here for obvious reasons) that have made dolph feel human and not an extension of eden in one frame BUT THYE FUCKING DID. these mfs and dolph are basically real recognises real

this isn't about dolph though, this is about jade. jade, who didn't get to be shown to the world as a person, who posthumously became a figure for a man's revenge, who was put into a position she is not suited for because she was not recognised as human. jade, who is the most human out of the ghosts, who gave voice to those that couldn't through her work, who went into exposing pagan min because of her uncle, her family that she loved. for being the most grounded member, they had to kill you because you mattered so much. kept the team together through kindness. god they did you so wrong jade.

#jade captain laserhawk #i could have saved her #i feel like with this one i was overexplaining myself #sorry when i get rambly i overexplain myself a lot #anyways i hope yall imagine me holding jade like ivan the terrible and his son #she makes me so sad #genuinely deserved so much better #god #analysis #character analysis #captain laserhawk #happy woman's history month #ramble #dolph laserhawk #pey'j captain laserhawk #sarah fisher #by the way! idc if you ship sarajade #i jus. im ngl i think i dont fw it anymore LMOA #like making this made me realise i dont LMAAOAOAO

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