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mandareeboo · 3 years

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SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not.

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me.

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky.

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster.

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs!

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly.

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong.

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

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kareofbears · 3 years

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persona 5 strikers thoughts and feelings

This is going to be a long post. Like, the type of post you’d only really have time to read when you’re trying to sleep but you’re not ready to be unconscious yet so you’re just looking for something to do to spend your time with minimal effort.

So in 2018, a masterpiece was born into the world: Into the Spider-verse was released and it was amazing—it’s honestly the best spiderman movie we have without a doubt, and it’ll be very far into the future before Spider-verse is beaten as the best spiderman movie. Them’s the facts. Then in 2019, Spider-man: Far From Home was dropped. It’s a great movie! Great characters, great continuation of who these characters are and works fantastic as a continuation of a story. It’s really hard trying to take the torch of a previous movie (or in Marvel’s case, juggling twenty something movies) and come up with a new movie that both works on its own, as well as being the next step in this series of films. Thus, with that idea in mind, I think it’s kind of unfair to judge into the spiderverse and far from home, because these are two movies with two completely different objectives in mind.

Okay, so this is still a persona 5 strikers post, I promise, but the idea is the same: Persona 5 could basically do whatever it wanted—new story, new characters, new everything, and it’s just plain old awesome. However, Persona 5 strikers did not have that sort of freedom. It was bound to the original game, and it had its own rules and stuff it had to keep intact, characters they had to work with, and on top of that, it had to justify its existence as a sequel (lets pretend money doesnt exist lmfao).

SO, the big question is: did it do that? Did it justify its existence?

And my answer: holy fuck did it ever do that

I came into this game knowing the extreme bare minimum. I knew there was someone named Sophia, and i knew there was roadtrip, and i knew there were Personas. That’s my knowledge of it before i played it on the Switch. I should also clarify like, early on, that i was not expecting anything from this game. At all. I was the world’s biggest cynic of this game—if you scroll down my p5s tag far enough, youll just see me complaining about a game that hasn’t even come out yet. I was fully expecting to have this be a Waifu show, and any male character that isn’t Akira to just be shoved aside like some kind of nerd in a high school hallway, and i have never been more pleased to be wrong. In fact, i actually owe it an apology, because of how fucking rude i was for no reason!!! Because this game deserves everything to be honest.

Persona 5 strikers is, frankly, insane. Insane in the sense that it got to pull shit off that just would never have existed in the original game, because the original game is scared. It had to be as impressive as possible and garner as much attention as possible. Strikers does not have that problem—every single person who bought that game does not need to be convinced that persona 5 is a good game. They already played it. That means Atlus can just fuck around and have a good time, and man did they have a good time. There’s still scenes that still shock me if i think about it too hard, because i’m used to atlus having to follow this sort of rule set when it comes to persona 5 (or any of the main games im assuming, but i havent played them.) And on top of that, there’s still shit that’s Atlus Trademarked Branded in a good way. The style of story of story telling, and revealing the mystery that is so integral to what p5 is, is still there.

So, to make this even a little bit comprehensible, i will make a list!

First of all, What is this game?

In short, this game is an OVA of an anime. It’s bonus side content that has one thing in mind: to showcase these lovable characters more by putting them in fun situations. That’s it, and it is just phenomenal. That was the main point of, i’d say, like forty hours of the game. It’s just fun times with fun characters.

But to get deeper of what i think is happening, or what they were thinking during the development, is that this is a second opportunity. Persona 5 (as we all know) had a lot of problems, and we were not quiet about those problems. We yelled it all out, made posts, made complaints on every social media platform ever. And Atlus heard all of them, and Strikers is a way to mitigate those mistakes. Aside from being a fun OVA, Strikers also works to be a deeper exploration of these characters—more specifically, the characters that did not receive much in the original game. Creating this sequel is having the ability to redo what they felt (or to be more specific, we felt) in the original game while adding new ones. I will get to that in a second.

The format of the game

Absolutely brilliant to throw them on a road trip. P5V already forced us to experience Shibuya for 200+ hours, and im so glad that they didn’t do that again. Going from town to town, making us experience these new places alongside our favorite characters is so good, and it just makes sense. It’s fun, it’s lighthearted, and it’s actually shockingly good. But one thing i do want to talk about early on is the way the story unfolds and the villains that they use, and what they do with it because it’s very interesting.

So as we explore japan and stuff, we encounter jails, and with those jails comes an antagonist. This antagonist works to be a parallel to one of our characters. That character will find it in their hearts to feel bad for the antagonist, because the antagonist could have been them had the original game not happen. At first I thought all of the thieves were gonna get an antagonist, and i was really hyped for the ryuji one. And then came to hour forty of the game where i realized “yeah that’s not gonna happen. There’s just not enough time.” And i was right, and the game ended. But i am not salty at all, honestly, because the people who got a direct antagonist were: Ann, Yusuke, and Haru. (we wont count zen and sophie).

Is there a trend??? Yes. these are all characters in the original game that have received the worst treatment by atlus. The three of them are basically cast aside the minute they finished their original arc, and its horrible! BUT that’s why this is the path that atlus chose for them—to give them more depth, and screentime, and a way to show their inner self. That isn’t to say that the ones who aren’t those three (makoto, futaba, mona, akira, ryuji) didn’t get anything. Futaba still has her thing at the end with ichinose, and she was very prevalent and animated during the rest of the game. Mona and Akira have to be a focal points, that’s just the nature of the game. The other two though, I will talk about in depth in a second.

Makoto

Y’all i poke fun at shumako fans sometimes cause its kind of easy and fun, but i honestly love makoto. In my very first playthrough of p5 (my first ever jrpg game, first persona game, i had no idea what i was doing), i had only maxed out two characters: ryuji and makoto. And i know she had a lot of screentime and love in the original game which is great, but i truly felt like she was dissed in this game. Her only roles were

A driver

Someone to tell them “we don’t have a choice. Let’s keep going and see where this takes us.” (seriously, if you replay this game, you will see how much she does this)

Idk, i just wish she had more to do, especially compared to how much love they gave the other characters.

But let’s talk about some of the new characters!

Zenkichi

Damn you atlus. Damn you and your insistence at bringing in cop characters. I was fully on board with hating zenkichi, i was fucking ready for it. I was convinced that there was nothing they could do convince to like zenkichi. I was immune to their copaganda.

And then i ended up loving him, which makes me sad a little bit. I didn’t realize how desperate i was to have an adult who has a persona. Someone who wants the world to change just as much as they do, while still having that aspect of them that makes them adult. Like??? As someone who is technically an adult, its a breath of fresh air. An adult. Who fights. For justice. Using a persona. And god i love akane so much, and her obsession with the thieves (that scene is probably in my top ten fave scenes of the game). Also what i loved about zenkichi is that he fucking hates the cops!! He hates the system of the cops!! And thats why i actually really started to love him!! Because i thought it was atlus saying that the systematic problem of the police cannot be solved by one person, and zenkichi threw away his badge. I actually cried at that part!!

But then he became a cop again, and i was just :/ but as a character, i really love him to bits and would love to do a study on him, or at least use him as an outside pov. But! i absolutely love his persona, since im a les miserables fan hehe

Sophia

she’s probably my favorite new aspect of the game. I was ready to not like her—again, i just suck like that, lmfao—and when i saw her, i was scared that she was just another waifu. I mean, she was very cute after all. But then as the game went on, i thought she was a little too cute. And even further into the game, i finally slapped myself in the face and realized oh my god shes not a waifu. Shes a sister.

That blew my mind, im ngl to you. A female character that isn’t supposed to be romanced? By jove, what a miracle!

And she…is an amazing character. Im sorry, i just love her so much. I love her so much that she probably ranks as my fifth or sixth favorite character which is surprising even to me. Everything about her is delightful and invigorating. She’s funny??? Her comedic timing is amazing, and she has such chemistry with the rest of the team. She’s actually useful to the plot, and while her character design is a little too on the nose for me in terms of cuteness (i mean, good god she’s wearing oversized sweater to show how cute and tiny she is, and her hair has literal hearts in it), she is absolutely lovable.

But what i actually really wanna gush about for a second is sophia at the last stage of the game. You get the idea, i dont really like to get excited over things, so at this point i figured that there was nothing this game could do to shock me.

And then sophia had a persona awakening.

Like. holy fuck did i yell. I didnt realize what was happening until the music had already kicked in. and its just so fucking smart!!! Sophia??? The ai?? With no heart?? gOT A PERSONA???? AWAKENING??? BECAUSE SHE LEARNED WHAT THE HEART IS AND THE PASSION THAT YOU NEED IN ORDER TO GET A PERSONA??? I started crying honestly, because it was just so smart. And looking back on it now, its obvious!! Of course it would lead to this, it only made sense that the culmination of her character arc leads to her getting a persona, nothing else would have been as good. Also, her voice actor is just amazing?? When she was talking to ichinose at the end, i actually got incredibly emotional because of the line reads. Its just so spot on and it really captures the essence of sophia.

Muah. five stars Atlus. You got me.

Ryuji <3!!!!

Oh man. Oh boy. Okay. so where do i start.

Yall know i love him. Hes probably my favorite fictional male character of all time, and he is the one i was the absolute most cynical about in this game. I was expecting literally nothing. Nothing. Like. nothing. I thought he was just gonna keep being used as a joke, or a gag, and he’s gonna be super horny all the time for the other girls and it was gonna make me mad and there was gonna be some insane homophobic/queerphobic jokes in every other scene and i know i was being unfair, but i cant help it.

And then i played the first two hours of the game, and i cried the entire time. Because ryuji has never been better than he is in this game. Its crazy.

The ryuji in persona 5 strikers is who ryuji should have been/how he should have been treated this entire time. From the actual funny jokes (for example, the gold bar joke + his reaction to it in the beginning of the game), defending his female friends instead of being the one people need to defend from (natsume arc), and the fact that he was the one to be there with morgana and akira in the very beginning of the game. Its such a small thing that they didnt even need to do, but it was such an integral part of the original game for me, that i just was convinced that nothing like this was going to happen. But then it happened. Its just small stuff like that that could have been overlooked but it wasn’t because this game? Persona 5 strikers? Fucking loves ryuji.

The actual respect they gave this boy is insane and i wasn't ready for it. Like, they gave the shujin trio lunch, they gave the little charm of the katana when they were in natsume’s jail, and, in my opinion this is the second-best thing that they could have given ryuji is sophia. Ryuji and sophia are the pinnacle of a brother & sister bonding relationship in the game that isn’t akira & futaba. And its really prevalent too?? Small stuff from the beginning of the game (pulling her out of a jail, calling her shorty), but then you have the iconic “shut the fuck up” scene, and that scene was so well characterized and written and voice acted, that somehow him saying “fuck” was the least exciting part of that scene to me. Ryuji is an older brother to her, like its undoubtable, and its only further cemented at the end of the game where Ryuji helps out ichinose because he knows how much sophia cares about her. This game. Love ryuji. And i love. This game.

You know what else i love? Akiryu.

Guys. i was fully prepared to starve in terms of akiryu. But theres just. So much of it. I wont get too deep into it, because i think this aspect of the game for me still needs marinate a little bit. Like, what was that last shot when EMMA died and Ryuji walked to approach Akira so they could relish in their victory together?? And the smile from both of them??? What the fuck. That was amazing. Also Joker being saved by Ryuji when he was about to fall from the cliff to save sophia??? WHAT. The LEADER AND HIS RIGHT HAND MAN? WHAT. anyway. If theres anything i want to keep for myself in my own brain, its the akiryu aspect of this game, so i wont talk too much about that part of things (instead, itll probably manifest in fic lmfaooo).

Sure, there’s tidbits of stuff i dont like that they gave ryuji: sexualizing ann in that one cut scene and making him touch the jails even though it hurts, and i recognize those and frown at them, but for the most part, i am blown away with how they treated him.

Basically, Ryuji has never been better. From the opening of the game with him being the first text message and the one to sling his arm around akira, to the very last cut scene where it was ryuji wordlessly leaving because he’s so confident that they would never be separated for long, this game adores Ryuji and i am so so happy to say that.

The Royal aspect of things

Yeah, i had to talk about this, but itll be a short thing i just wanted to point out. Because the last part of this game...is persona 5 royal. Which is curious. Like taking reality and giving that power to someone else so you dont have to experience suffering anymore? And even like, the final section just looked a lot like the top half of maruki’s palace?? And whats even crazier is that we had a boss fight with sophia, just like how we had a boss fight with sumire? Royal and Strikers have like, the same thesis statement. It’s kind of uncanny.It’s interesting, it’s like atlus came up with these two ideas, and then just decided they liked both of them so much that they just did it twice. I don’t mind though—actually, in terms of how the last Palace/Jails go, i probably like them both about equally.

Though i did love the final battle in this one more than i did in royal. Splitting into teams?? Thats cool as fuck, and really innovative and i didnt see it coming. It also kicked my ass. A lot.

Now for the last stretch: the small stuff!

The music — bomb as fuck. In my heart, Daredevil is ranked the same as Rivers. Axe to grind is also amazing, but Daredevil owns me

Akechi — i really debated whether or not to talk about him, but i figured a bullet point should be enough. Im really shocked that he wasnt in this at all. Like not even a name drop. If this is an OVA, and the point of the game is to please the fans, and akechi is arguably the fan favorite character, i was really ready for something. But there was nothing, except for the pancake hallway if that even counts as a reference. Thats it. Thats all i wanted to say about him.

The humour — FUCKING HILARIOUS im convinced that in my fifty hour playtime, five of that is dedicated to me laughing and unable to continue the game

Akira — so much personality! His lines of dialogue are crazy sometimes (like. Whats up with him saying Ryuji has ‘nice abs’ when they were in bath? Im crazy and even i dont know what the fuck that could mean)

Battle system — oh my god i almost forgot to talk about this. I love it! I kind of miss the turn based aspect just because i found it very comforting for some reason, but this hack and slash style of gameplay is so invigorating because i do feel like it justifies shit like the baton pass and huge attacks. This battle system fully encompases how the Phantom Thieves are supposed to fight, you know what i mean?

Anyway, thats my thoughts on strikers. Loved it. Amazing. 9.3/10, wouldve been higher but Konoe’s Jail almost bored me to death. Also im a monster and i didnt do any requests that isn’t a fun one, teehee. As if i play persona 5 for the persona aspect of things.

#cant believe im done #but you know what?#i was actually at peace when i finished it #so i consider that a good healty thing #p5s #alex plays p5s #mine #p5 #my moon and stars #the leader and his right hand man

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bangtan-dreamland · 4 years

Text

Calling... Producer Min Yoongi

Pairing: myg x reader

Word Count: 4569

Warnings: none!! uwu

Genre: fluff, strangers-to-lovers!au, mutual pining, GOOD GOD THIS WAS SO FLUFFY IN MY HEAD

Masterpost

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

The first time you call him, it's two in the morning.

In all honesty, you don't really expect anyone to pick up. After all, who would be awake at, again, two in the morning? But the voice that answers you mere seconds after you started calling told you otherwise.

"Who is this."

The flat, no-nonsense tone that is all but radiated in the greeting leaves you fumbling for a reply, but then the very next second the voice continues, the snowy gales turning into frost. "How did you get my number? I've already had too many calls from saesangs- if you don't explain who you are and why you called me, I'm hanging up."

"Um," you eloquently reply, before the panic sets in and you hurry to clarify yourself. "I'm not- a saesang or anything!"

You can practically hear the person on the other end of the line raise their eyebrows in distrust. "Really? Then how did you call me?"

"I just," you flush. "It was... a random thing. I was dialing random numbers. I didn't- I didn't know who I'd be calling. I don't even know who you are."

Silence floods the call, and you fiddle with your hair, nervous to hear his reply.

"Fine. Okay, let's say you're telling the truth. For what reason are you calling me then?"

"I just wanted someone to talk to," you sheepishly say. "I wasn't expecting you to pick up... but I was hoping someone would be awake and willing to talk."

"To a random stranger?"

"Well, isn't it easier to talk about your problems to someone you don't know? To someone who doesn't know anything about you, who couldn't judge you?" You point out, before pausing. "Not that you're obligated to listen to me, and if you want... if you want to talk, I'm here too."

"You basically just told me you're someone famous, even if I don't personally know you... so, um, I guess what I'm saying is, if you want, you can rant to me too? If it helps, I don't think anyone would believe a random nobody speaking up about a famous person, so."

"Well," you flush again, your rant becoming longer and longer as the other side stays quiet. "Not that you have to, again. It's just a choice. If you want to. You can even hang up now, if you like."

A minute passes, and then another, and you're on the verge of hanging up, when-

"So?"

"So?" You parrot back, confused. You hear a sigh down the line, before the other side speaks again.

"You said you wanted to talk to someone. You've already gone to all this trouble, so."

You bite back the smile growing on your face as you slowly tell him about your past week. It has been your worst one yet- what with a case of food poisoning taking down your co-workers, which you had amazingly (and yet unluckily) not fallen victim to on the account that they didn't even invite you when they had a team dinner after finally managing to secure a new client for your company, a fact that upsets you- not just because they had gone and excluded you from what was very much a team (and if you were being honest, a 90% you and a 10% them kind of team) effort, but also because that now meant you have to do the whole project alone.

"Because apparently," you grumble. "Seeing as one person, me, still remains on the team, there's no one else the client wants to work on their project. Which is ridiculous!"

Mr. Mystery Stranger remains quiet, the only sign that he is still listening the small sounds he makes as you rant (humming when he agrees with you, a snort on how ridiculous your client is, scoffing at your team mates, if they could even be called that).

"They have so many demands about how it should go too, but they don't even know a single thing about how designing works. There are all these- these expectations they want us, they want me to meet, but frankly it's unreasonable! Not only are they a perfectionist but they're also insane. I think. They seem to be, so far," you conclude your rant with a loud huff, a glare on your face and your lips in a frown. Yet all the same the burden on your shoulders are a little lighter, and you breathe a little easier.

"Full offense, your workplace sounds like shit."

You let out a surprised laugh at the way he delivers his words in a matter of fact way. As if it isn't an opinion, but rather a solid truth that he only speaks up about. He tells you exactly what he thinks about your useless co-workers, about your bratty client and even about your incompetent boss who can't even see that assigning a single person on a group project will yield little result for anyone.

You laugh at every remark he makes, the smile on your face growing wider and wider, until he finishes his (let's be honest, it was a speech) reply about how your work is insane.

"How about you, anything you want to get off your chest? Remember, this is a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity to talk shit without repercussions," you jokingly (but all the same, very much seriously) offer to him, moments after he finishes.

He snorts. "Is it? With any luck you'll be dialing my number again tomorrow night."

"Not unless I save your number on my phone, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Besides," you hum. "You listened to me, so... I guess. I want to return the favor."

"You're really persistent, aren't you? No need to be so polite. You don't have to do that just because I did." He drawls, the tone of his voice all but telling you he probably (most definitely) rolled his eyes as he replied.

"It's not that bad, is it? And... I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to."

It’s strange, admittedly, how, for once, you're the one pushing for more conversation, for more interaction with the other person. A stranger, nonetheless. But tonight... well, you were lucky. To be able to talk to him.

You hear him exhale, and you fiddle again with your fingers, waiting for a reply, before you hear him speak.

"I'm... a producer," he finally says. You say nothing, letting out only a small 'mhm' to encourage him to keep on going. "I'm in the middle of making this new album and-" he lets out an aggravated sigh, the frustration evident even if he speaks after with an even tone. "They... the people I'm working for want me to change everything about it."

There is a wry tone in his voice that makes you wince for him in sympathy. "Because the direction I want my music to head in is apparently not what most people expect in music these days. What’s trending, what’s popular. They rejected my first drafts and told me to redo everything. Restart from the beginning. Because they didn't like the message in my songs. Even went as far to tell me to just rearrange the whole thing," he lets out a disbelieving scoff at that.

"As if I could just rearrange melodies and words at a drop of a hat. Not to mention I wrote my songs like that for a reason. Fuckers," he bites out the final words angrily, bitterness thick and you try to sort out the words you want to say in response, feeling sympathetic for him.

"How are they so sure of that?" You ask him, the words somehow coming out easily. He pauses, and you barrel on, your hesitance vanishing the moment you start to feel like you're doing something right- making him feel better, that is.

"I mean, it's what that's unexpected that makes your songs stand out, and what makes them unique among all the others... And... well, I haven't listened to any of your songs, but all the same... I already know that you put your heart and soul in writing them, making them. You don't feel like someone who would half-ass something you speak so passionately about," you laugh a little, but continue all the same. "And... something like that, I know it will resonate with people. Um, what's that saying again? You reap what you sow? But- um, for you, if you really, and I think you do- if you really do put in as much time and effort and soul in your songs, then... they're going to soar, I just know it, no matter if it fits in with trends or not."

The silence that resonates again on the line makes you flush in embarrassment at your rant, but then you hear him chuckle, and you smile.

"You don't have to hang up anytime soon, do you?" He suddenly asks, and you shake your head, only to remember that he can't see you. You clear your throat and affirm his words out loud.

"Good, stay on the line."

You comply, curious.

You hear shuffling on the other side, several clicks of the mouse, as well as tapping on the keyboard, before you start hearing it.

Music, the beat catchy and yet heavy and sharp rings through the line, the person in the song singing about the expectations of society, of dreams, of wanting but not knowing what exactly, going with the flow instead of reaching out on their own to find out what they want.

It awes you- the lyrics, the singing, the rapping, the way the song instantly seems to be stuck in your head. When the last verse fades into static, the song ending, silence reigns on the phone line.

You don't say anything for a moment, trying to arrange the words in your head into something more coherent, but when you finally speak up, all you can say is-

"Wow..." Breathless, full of awe, and if you lived in the world of anime, you're pretty sure you would have sparkling eyes right now. You feel like you could anyways. "That was amazing! How could they say that it wouldn't be a hit? I love it- and, you know, being a random stranger, I'm completely unbiased when I say I prefer it over even what's on the billboard these days."

You hear him startle and giggle (so cute! Good god, you're really finding it harder and harder to hang up), and for once, you are suddenly struck with the sudden longing to see this mystery person. How would they look like, smiling, you wonder.

"Thank you," he says shyly, and you grin at his tone of voice.

"I mean it," you tell him again. "I really love it. If- and I hoped you do!- you release it... I'll be one of the first people to buy it."

"Hm, really?"

You laugh at the sudden coy tone he takes. "Yes, really!"

This... you can't help but admit, that for the first time in years, you're having fun. A lot of fun. Which you didn't really expect, since... well, you're talking to a stranger, after all. A random person. You don't know anything about him, other than that he has a nice voice and he makes amazing music.

But the way he listens, really, truly listens and responds to you makes you feel better, happier, more present that you have with any of your friends in the past.

You open your mouth to ask him about his song and-

Your phone rings loudly, obnoxiously loud in the silence of your room. The screen switches to your alarm, and you wince, moving quickly to turn it off, but the damage is done. When you switch back to your call, mystery stranger remains quiet, and again, you fumble with the words in your head.

"You have to go now, huh?" You can hear the disappointment in his voice as he speaks, your own mood crashing as well.

"I don't want to," you confess. "I'm still not done with you," you joke, smiling as you're rewarded with a quiet laugh.

"Still, you should go to sleep now," he tells you, making your shoulders droop in dismay. "Thank you-" he says, jerkily, continuing his words in a faster pace. "For tonight, and with my songs. You were right about the thing with problems and strangers... you helped me decide to keep fighting for what I want."

And before you can say anything, the line hangs up quickly, leaving you to stare blankly at your wall in surprise.

You finally smile sadly as your phone's screen turns off, leaving you alone in the darkness. Tonight was the best you've had in a while, as unconventional as it started, and the thought that you probably wouldn't be able to do it again...

You sigh, and hope whoever he was was speaking the truth about you having helped him. That's one good thing you'll cling on to.

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

You don't expect to hear from him again. You're a person of your word- you decide not to contact him the night after, but it seems as if it doesn't matter, because the moment you start getting into bed, your phone starts ringing.

You pause from what you have been doing, before getting in fully anyway. The ringing of the phone grows louder in the meantime, and you scowl at the harsh sound. Who would be calling at...

Oh.

Oh. It's him. Mystery stranger. Rather, mystery producer.

"I thought you didn't want to talk to a stranger," you tease him when you pick up, but the grin on your face and the giddy tone in your voice reveals your mood anyway. You hear him scoff, before he replies.

"My name's Yoongi. And after last night, I don't think we can call each other strangers, do you?"

You snort at that, having to bite your cheek to keep yourself from smirking. "'After last night?' You could make someone faint with that implication, you know."

"Just shut up and listen," he deadpans, and you laugh, bright and loud and happy, before a mellow tune drifts over on the line and a new song finds its way into your heart.

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

Nights after that become common, hours hidden under the cover of the night spent talking about your lives- and sometimes not a single word exchanged, only sonorous music keeping you two connected.

What started out as calls made at midnight and ending a little before two becomes longer, and longer, and longer. He starts calling a little earlier each night, you hang up a little later after, and soon enough the two of you are together- in a way, even if it's only by the grace of your phone.

Your nights stop being lonely, instead being filled by Yoongi, the chill in your apartment unnoticeable under your warm blankets (that he insisted you put on every time, knowing how you forget to do it), the silence being filled by your laughter, if not his music (although sometimes you share your own music with him), hours of scrolling and daydreaming into nothing, feeling empty and unfulfilled leaving with how the two of you spend hours listening and talking to each other about everything.

Even work improves, as you start taking his advice. People start respecting you, your co-workers start pulling their weight, and your client starts listening to you. One night, the two of you celebrate in your own way as he gleefully tells you his management has decided to give him a chance after he stood up for his work. There was a smirk in his voice and pride in his words, and you congratulated him, although you soon popped his ego before it swelled too much. He grumbled at you- you laughed, and then everything was right again.

The start of your friendship may have been weird, but... you wouldn't change what you have for the world. And if your heart beats a little faster for him than it would for anyone else, well. No one would know- no one has to know.

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

Change, for him, starts with a simple thing. Your passion. Or, well, to be specific, how you sound when you're passionate about what you're talking. A small thing.

It hits him like a truck anyways.

The setting is this: it's late at night, bordering on three in the morning, and he's blinking back tears as he tells you how he doesn't know what to do anymore, how he can't seem to get the song right in his head. How it feels as if he'll fail this song, and then his album, and how all of his hard work will be, in the end, for nothing. All of a sudden his inner demons come spilling out, and he ends up word-vomiting, stress and frustration driving him further and further until he cracks.

You don't say anything, not at first anyway, and a part of him is struck by the reminiscence that this is like the first time the two of you met, instead this time, it's him that's close to breaking down.

But then you speak. And, oh.

Oh.

Your voice is fierce. Fierce, and determined and strong, in how you tell him in certain words that- it's okay to feel that way, but that he's wrong, because you know him, and you know how he doesn't give up, how he pours everything he has, body and mind and heart and soul into making his songs, and that he's going to get through the problems he has now.

He's going to soar even higher, you tell him, because every time he encounters a problem, he just uses it to bring himself even closer to success. You ramble on and on about him, about what you think of his songs, of his management (and how they're obviously wrong), of him, and-

He never noticed before in detail, how he really, truly likes your voice.

It's beautiful- you're beautiful, and it leaves him in a daze, only snapping out of it when you finish ranting, asking him if he's okay because he's been silent for too long.

Shit.

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

Yoongi ghosts you after that for a full two weeks, bringing you close to a breakdown yourself, wondering if you said something wrong, if you went too far-

But he's said that he's busy with work, that a sudden bout of inspiration has hit him and he needs to focus, so he can't call- which, fine. Fine. That's fine. You're fine.

(Lies. You miss him, you really do, and not for the first time, you wish you knew more to him than that his name is Yoongi- you want to actually see him in real life and be close to him. It doesn't matter if the two of you don't talk about anything, if you just stay close together, that’s all you want anyways- you sigh as you realize where your thoughts lead you. You're well and truly whipped, aren't you?)

Even so, there's an unspoken agreement, between the two of you. That neither of you ever pries out anything about your identities to each other. You talk about everything, and at the same time nothing. Months of calls and yet you don't even know his last name. Yoongi himself only got to learn your name the fourth time he called- making for a funny topic in itself.

Another is that you don't establish contact in any other way other than the calls.

So to say, you don't even know how to contact him if not through his number, and you're not bold enough to break the unspoken agreement by sending a text.

Not that it matters much in the end, because all that comes to a head a week later, with a single text.

'I sent you my latest album. It's one made for you and you only... listen to it if you have time, alone.'

When you get home that night (hours later than usual, moping around your workplace because you know that when you step home, you won't be receiving a call, no, you’ll be going home to a silent house), it's only then that you find his text, find the package on your doorstep (which, you're amazed he remembers after he once sent you a care package for your promotion at work).

So of course the only appropriate course of action then is to drop everything you're doing to listen.

You're curious about his songs, no matter that you've already heard and has been with him as he edited and perfected them, every step of the way. This is, after all, the version that he's finally deemed as worthy, and it makes you wonder- how high his standards for himself goes.

You soon find out it's really high.

The songs are amazing, and you can't help grinning widely the whole time you listen. As the final song fades into silence, you lean back into your bed, a content look on your face-

But then another song comes next.

You blink in surprise. That can't be.

You look over at the cover of the album given to you, unsure if you're getting something wrong, but...

No. You counted right- there's an extra song in the CD Yoongi has sent you. You wonder if you should listen to it, but... he said that this was for you, specifically. So he meant for you to listen to the song, right...?

So you let your ears be filled with the melody of this hidden song.

And- oh.

The melody is sweet, upbeat and catchy, but the lyrics are soft, softer and sweeter than anything you've heard Yoongi write about. It's a song about falling for someone without seeing them, without touching them, only dedication and commitment keeping them together everyday and making them fall even deeper.

You wonder, with a touch of jealousy, why he let you hear that song, but then it ends and-

"It's- it's for you. I know I already said that in my message, but... this song, I wrote it for you. About you. I... I really like you."

In your stunned silence, you almost fail to hear the rest of his words.

"If you don't like me the same way, that's fine. I'm okay with remaining friends over phone calls. But if you do like me the way I like you... I'll be waiting."

You hear him give out the name of a park not too far from you, as well as the time.

A time that shocks you into action again, because, holy shit, there is only an hour before the appointed time and you can't get there in only an hour!

You scramble out of bed, almost falling off in the process, before you sprint over outside, not caring that you're wearing only a t-shirt and your jogging pants, that you don't have make-up on, or that you didn't even wash your face- somewhere, Yoongi is waiting for you, waiting for a response and holy hell, why can't you just teleport there instantly!

Try as you might, the journey takes two hours, though it doesn't help that you're just a little absentminded, the roaring in your heart and in your ears drowning you out to other sensations. Many times you almost stumble over your steps before righting yourself, and by the end of it, you’re exhausted.

But when you reach your destination- reach him, you know it's worth it.

It's- night time, already. For a moment you're afraid that he won't be waiting anymore, that you missed your chance, that he thinks you've rejected him when in fact you almost ran all the way over dressed in house clothes because you wanted to get to him instantly.

But then you see someone standing by the very spot he told you he would meet you at. You can't quite see him clearly from a distance. But you know it's him, because when you shout-

"Yoongi! I'm here!"

He turns, and your heart bursts when he breaks out into a soft, soft smile, giddy and- your heart melts, you wonder how is it possible to have a tongue that sharp and a gummy smile so soft!?

It's official. You're head over heels for this man.

Though, if the way he looks at you is any indication, he's no different.

Nothing compares to hearing his voice in real life, especially when he confesses to you.

(”Did you seriously run over all the way here dressed like that?” He raises an eyebrow at you even as he sports a giddy smile. You scoff and make a face.

“Only because I was already late! I didn’t expect to do any more exercise than getting to my bed, okay?”

It should be ridiculous, that even when you’re standing in a t-shirt and jogging pants he still finds you more beautiful than he’s imagined. Your smile, in particular, even if you try not to let it show, feigning annoyance at his words.

“Alright, whatever you say,” he tells you when he stares a little too long, awestruck at the fact that you’re here, you’re here and that means you...

This time the smile fully appears on your face. You take a step closer to him, take his hands into yours.

“I came. And you’re still waiting... so, you know what my answer is, right?” The look on your face is full of hope, and he ducks his head shyly for a moment, but then he clears his throat.

“Yeah.” He doesn’t mention the way his heart first fell when the due time passed and you were nowhere to be seen. He only stayed because a part of him wanted to believe, wanted to keep on hoping, she’ll come, it’s okay, maybe she just got held up by something, he only has to wait a bit longer. And then ten minutes become thirty, until an hour, and another passed. He likes to think he’d have left by then if you didn’t come, but the truth is, he probably could have stayed until midnight. And only midnight, because he would have been kicked out by the guards.

But you came.

You take another step closer, drop his hands to cradle his face gently instead. Your foreheads pressing together- the distance between your lips only in centimetres. “Is this okay then?”

And he nods- your first kiss together is short, and sweet, dissolving into light, playful pecks and he doesn’t think it’s possible, but he falls in love all over again.)

♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪

Not only has Yoongi erased all traces of loneliness in your nights, even your days are now filled with warmth and love. Your phone is filled with music- yours, his, and your call log of his number only.

(”I can’t believe I’ve been the only one on your call log for the past month,” he muses one day. You shrug.

“I have a separate phone for work. And my family doesn’t call me, though they send messages online.They know better than to call me... since it’s not really my thing.”

You pause. “Except for you,” you clarify. “Your calls are the only one I like getting. Your voice, in particular.”

He looks away, but not before you catch a glimpse of a smug but pleased smile on his face and you roll your eyes.)

Really, you wouldn't have it any other way.

#bangtanscenery #bts x reader #min yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader #uahsdjkasd #I spent like 8 hours straight writing this #and I'm so so happy with it #even if it isn't that good lol #bUT WHATEVER #happy birthday yoongi!!!#fun fact even if nobody asked #he was the first one I thought to write for in the series #and no I wasn't thinking about his birthday #this idea just hit me and screamed yoongi and now I'm just #uahsjd #soft and softer #T^T

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sarah-sandwich · 3 years

Note

happy ffwf! what gave you the initial idea for your don't freak out series? did you plan it out a lot before, or just go with the flow? <3

Happy FFWF!! Thank you! You were so fast. Ready. Waiting. lmao

This got long I’m so sorry

Don’t Freak Out is another fic that holds a very special place in my heart. It was the fic that dragged me kicking and screaming out of a year and a half long slump where I didn’t write a single thing. I started burning through Spider-Man fic after FFH came out and that’s when I happened upon parkner and fell in love with Harley and Peter’s dynamic and all of the potential of them meeting.

But so many parkner fics take place in high school and feature instant attraction and skip straight past friendship and into a relationship. I wanted them to be a little older, I wanted Spider-Man to be a factor, I wanted Harley to be a fully realized and fleshed out character with flaws and a personality beyond southern bad boy, I wanted Peter to be confident and capable in his abilities as Spider-Man and a sassy yet awkward bean irl. And I wanted to watch. them. fall. in. love.

A year ago (good god has it only been a year?) that didn’t exist. Or it did, but not all in one fic and it was in limited quantity that I very quickly worked through lol

I distinctly remember my breaking point. I had all of those wants swirling around in my head and was still holding out hope that I would magically stumble across the perfect fic that had exactly everything I wanted exactly how I wanted it done (ha!) I was reading a fic where they’d been kidnapped and the kidnappers were demanding half a million dollars from Tony for their safe return. I was like 500k? That’s it? He’s a billionaire!

That’s when the ideas started flowing.

I dusted off google docs and went into it with zero plan beyond a vague cloud of wants in my head, a year and a half worth of pent up creativity dying for an outlet, and a starting scene where they’d been kidnapped and the kidnappers way undervalued what Tony would pay to get them back. Eventually google docs couldn’t handle my word count anymore and I had to upgrade and pay cash money for a Scrivener license (100% worth it I stg)

DFO is pure indulgence. I put everything I wanted into that fic and didn’t worry about silly things like plot or whether or not it was good. The identity reveal, vlogging, pining, hurt!peter, nurturing!harley, platonic cuddling, no-longer-platonic cuddling. It was me unstopping a barrel and seeing what would spill out.

You’re Freaking Out was completely different.

There was plot. I had to make an outline. I had to scrap the second half of the outline redo it after spending months trying to make it work. I blitzed through DFO in 3 months. YFO took 9. I couldn’t just sit down and think, ‘what soft lovely things shall the boys get up to today?’ I had to actually plan ahead and decide what would happen when and I had to learn how to write from Miles’s POV and figure out how to balance the extra POV and make sure his plotline carried the same weight as Harley and Peter who already had 130k of established history and I had to force myself to write scenes that were instrumental to setting up future events instead of chasing my bliss and seeing where it led me.

TLDR: The initial idea for the Freak Out verse was spawned from basically every other parkner fic I read before I started writing my own. Bless you to all the other writers out there! You gave me the kick in the pants I needed to start writing again <333

When writing Don’t Freak Out I went with the flow but You’re Freaking Out was very much planned.

#im sorry this is so long #i have a problem #im serious about other writers being the reason i write #you guys are amazing and so inspiring #whether it's 1k of fluff or a 100k monstrosity #or as in my case 100k of fluff lmao #it matters!#don't freak out #you're freaking out #parkner #parley #peter parker/harley keener #peter/harley #silver-bubbles

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mego42 · 4 years

Text

author meme

Tagged by - @sothischickshe

Tagging - @foxmagpie @pynkhues @missmaxime @hereliesbethboland @septiembur

ao3 name: ms_scarlet

fandoms: on ao3, the 100 and good girls

number of fics: 16

fic I spent the most time on: hahahahahaha oh my god song is going on 6 months what the fUC K

fic I spent the least amount of time on: probs a tie between as the world turns, the blunt burns and any of the prompt chapters. with the prompts i specifically challenge myself to do them in under 2 hours (i’d say this is why i’ve only filled 3 but really i’m just mercurial which, in this instance at least, is a fancy way of saying flaky).

most hits: an old alternative s4 the 100 fic but a song inside the halls of the dark is gaining on it

most kudos: there’s blood in my body (another t100 fic, my one and only AU), for gg, also song

most comments: song, which makes sense as it has, you know, chapters

most bookmarks: there’s blood in my body again, song for gg

highest total word count: ahahahahaha song by a mile

favourite fic I wrote: i don’t know how to answer this tbh, shamelessly stealing @sothischickshe’s answer of i’m partial to all of them for different reasons! i guess i’m currently particularly proud of the don’t close your eyes ‘verse (currently consisting of both hands and listening, i’m not saying there’s going to be a third part but i’m not not saying that). writing in so many (hopefully) distinct voices with unique and (again, hopefully) fully fleshed out feeling points of view has been a neat challenge and i’m p proud of how it’s come out. i am also absurdly into the way the timelines of both (and eventually maybe all three) pieces weave together even though i have to use a cheat sheet to keep it straight

fic I want to rewrite/expand on: i don’t hate myself enough to open the door to rewriting anything because if i started realistically i would never stop. i went back and started rereading the beginning of song to make sure i was looping everything into the ending right and had a solid three days of oh fuck i would redo, like, all of this. not necessarily because i think it’s bad or anything (though i am on a constant and never satisfied quest for perfection but that’s a personal problem we don’t need to get into) but because the way i thought about the fic evolved significantly over the course of me writing it and there’s def some thematic stuff i’d go back and build up more.

share a bit of a wip or story idea you’re working on: mmm well lets see, i’m most of the way through the draft of the last chapter of listening, so that’s neat. have had to spend an obnoxious amount of time in dean’s head which makes me feel dirty but whatever. i’ve also v v v loosely outlined a third part to round the ‘verse out into a trilogy. it’d be a beth POV 5+1 that would start around the beginning of listening (which is pre-both hands), fill in some missing scenes from both and probably end either concurrently with listening or not long after.

other than that, obvs working on the last two chapters of song which are p thoroughly outlined, just waiting to be drafted. i’ve also outlined and started drafting what was supposed to be a fairly contained sex pollen PWP but is already upwards of a ridiculous number of words and has mostly been plot so far so that, you know, went off the rails.

i’ve also been thinking a lot about the pacific rim au again. it stalled out because i could not for the life of me figure out how to address everyone’s canon kid situations in satisfactory ways and couldn’t bring myself to leave the concept of kids out entirely (i know plenty of people have written wonderful and in character examples of the characters without kids but my brain is stuck in a box and i can’t get there for myself, it’s extremely annoying tbh), but i thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink i maybe cracked it so we’ll see if that actually ends up happening

at my current rate of production this should take me all the way through to the show coming back, maybe beyond so i think that’s probably enough. *kicks snippets, prompts and ideas folder under the bed* one day i’m gonna write a buffyverse au, though, it’s only a matter of time.

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dailyaudiobible · 3 years

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03/18/2021 DAB Transcript

Numbers 26:52-28:15, Luke 3:1-22, Psalms 61:1-8, Proverbs 11:16-17

Today is the 18th day of March welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it's wonderful to be here with you today as we do what we do, which is take steps forward. Kind of hard…I don’t even know how we would take a step backward and read the Bible in reverse or something but we’re here to take steps forward. The only way is forward. So, let's dive in. We’re reading from the God's Word translation this week and we’re in the book of Numbers chapter 26 verse 52 through 28 verse 15 today.

Commentary:

Okay. In the book of Numbers today we have begun a transition and it’s gonna take us a while to get through this transition. But it's a major major transition, a transition of leadership, a passing of the torch as it were from Moses, who we've been traveling with so long…like a long time now - many many miles together with Moses, many trials and many of…of God's miraculous deeds and provision for His people. So, that transition is…is beginning. It will take us a minute to get there because we’ll conclude the book of Numbers less than a week from now but then we will enter the final book of the Torah, the book of Deuteronomy. And, so, we won't be leaving Moses. Deuteronomy really is the last speeches or discourses of Moses to the people, to the people that he's been leading before he dies. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We’ll talk about that when we get there. But there is a transition beginning here now, where God is instructing Moses that he will leave…leave the scene basically, leave the stage, die, join his ancestors and then we will continue to move on without Moses. Joshua is being commissioned to take the place of Moses in the future when Moses is gone. Ironically, Joshua or Yehoshua, or Yeshua in Hebrew might sound familiar because it's the same name as Jesus and this name means God's salvation. And, so, we see connecting threads and ironically they’re very…they're very connected in our reading today because when we turn to the book of Luke we are at the very inauguration or consecration of…of Jesus who is at the Jordan River being baptized by John and he comes up out of the water and the Spirit comes down on him and says, “you are my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.” The irony is that Joshua is being commissioned to lead the people forward. Jesus is God's son, leading the people forward and we have shared names with shared meanings with redemptive threads with stories of redemption kind of tying a thread between the two today. And we’ll be able to watch both of those stories unfold before us in great detail as we continue our journey forward.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for all these connecting points that connect over centuries in the Scriptures of an ongoing redemptive thread that winds its way into our lives as well as we carry the story forward. And, so, come Holy Spirit into all that we've read today. Plant it into the soil of our lives. We continue to open ourselves to You fully inviting You to rearrange our lives, shape us, conform us to Your image we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com, that's home base, it’s where the Global Campfire is burning, it’s where we all come together in this virtual community. And, so, be familiar with that.

Check out the…the Community section. Of course, on the web or in the app you can do these things. So, on the web there's like, you know, a navigation up at the top and you’d be looking for the Community section. If you’re in the app you would just push the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner and look for the Community section. But this is where the different links to get connected on social media are. This is also where the Prayer Wall lives. And, so, we are a community of prayer and we have done a really, really beautiful job of praying for each other over these years through…I mean…we have brought each other through some really, really difficult things over these years. And God has honored that and been in it with us. And, so, Prayer Wall is always on. You never have to be without. You got stuff going on, you can poste it on the Prayer Wall and brothers and sisters will pray.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There is a link on the homepage. If you are using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart or the top of my heart, from a full heart, from a heart that’s in awe that this is even happening. I’m grateful that we’re in this together. Thank you for your partnership.

And, as always, if you have prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

DAB family Kathleen Mount Zion IL I am calling today…I tried calling earlier on my way to work and for some reason I just kept redoing and redoing these recordings. So, I finally just stopped and said I will just wait till after work. But I just wanted to pray. I…I read something about Nigeria again and Nigeria’s always been dear to my heart. I have called in the past. It's been a couple of years at least calling for Nigeria and every once in a while, I call in about that. But I'm just asking you to pray with me right now because there was another recent kidnapping of Christian children right out of their school. They've done this before. The last time the girls came back many of them had children they had been forced into marriage with Islamic extremists. And, you know, I just…it's just awful. Anyway, just pray with me. Lord Jesus I pray for Nigeria. I pray for this country Lord. There are many many Christians in Nigeria. Lord you are the King of all, you are the one’s…with you we can walk on water we can move mountains and I pray that the people of Nigeria the Christians of Nigeria will bind together, they were bind together and they will force Boca Ram out of their country and they will first however retrieve what has been lost, their lost children, lost young Christians. I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ.

Hi this is Gloria calling from Florida. This call is for Tammy from the Adirondacks. She is in remission from ovarian cancer. I don't know what you're going through, but I want you to take comfort in a God who loves you. He has healed your cancer and He can also heal your heart and your mind in what you're going through right now. Jesus came to bind the broken hearted. Take heart that He has overcome. I pray that you would wear the full armor of God, the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith and yield the sword of the Spirit of the word and pray. I pray that you reach out to those that are close with you, that you share your burdens with them so they can help you carry this burden. I’m so glad that you called so that we could pray for you. In Jesus’ name. Amen. We love you.

Hey DABbers, this is Keira from Denver I am so grateful to God for everything He’s done for me. And y’all I would like continued prayer for my son, Nish. Tonight…today was the second day this week that I had to call the police because…because I had concern for my own safety in regards to my son. The earlier one last Tuesday they took him to the hospital and they…he went to the psych unit but then he got released the next day. Tonight, they took him to the hospital again and this time they took him to this city detox place. And I know this place is not that great. It’s not a rehab and it’s not a lockup. He can leave anytime. But I pray that he stays till…until tomorrow and I pray…I pray and I would like for you…you guys to stand in prayer with me that he…everyone he comes in contact with…with is Spirit filled and Christ filled and can give him guidance. And I pray that maybe this is…this is the moment, this is the moment that Nish makes a decision to change and that he can actually go into a rehab and get the help he needs. And he’s had these issues of psychosis ever since 2012 but he’s continued using drugs this whole time. So, it’s just a compounding of problems. And please pray, please pray everybody with me. Thank you. I love you DAB…

Good morning friends and family this is Justified Smile I am a new listener from late last year and this is my first time calling. It is the morning of March 16th and I just heard C’s prayer request about her postpartum depression and her feelings of worthlessness. And also, just last night dear friend and sister of mine that I’ll call M texted me last night about suicidal thoughts asking for prayer. I’ve seen in the past year that a spirit of death haunts this world. So, I ask you all to join me in prayer. Jesus, teach us to pray. Lord You are King, comforter and shepherd. You are goodness and life. And in Your name, we repel death from the hearts and mind of C and M and all Your children who it attacks along with its every backup replacement and contingency. Let Your life and joy rule in the lives of Your children. Protect those who pray for retaliation and comfort, those who have been hounded and antagonized. Keep us good Shepherd. All this for Your glory oh God my sovereign King.

Hello everyone, I wanted to ask for some prayer today. Been listening for a while and this is…Daily Audio Bible’s really been an encouragement to me. Last year I had a…a pulmonary embolism and it’s kind of been…otherwise been really healthy but it’s kind of since last year seem to have gone downhill. So, I had this embolism and then about…about a month ago I started getting these really bad migraines and…and some double vision. Went to the doctor and he told me to get an MRI. It came back with a…a…a…s brain tumor that’s 3.4 cm. It’s called an acoustic neuroma that kind of grows in my ear next to my brain but it’s pushing against my brainstem. And, you know it…it…it…it…it would be pretty dangerous. They’re gonna have to take it out in the next couple weeks. So, I am praying for obviously as a successful surgery but I’m also praying…there’s…there’s two risks. They…they have already told me I’ll probably lose my hearing in my right ear but also the…the risk that…that…that is possible is kind of almost permanent, is Bell’s palsy because it’s right there on the facial nerve as well. So, just praying for that, praying for my family. I can’t drive right now because…because my double vision and so my wife’s having to take me around everywhere and we have three small boys. So, I really…I pray…I pray for the prayers. I have lot’s of people praying for me but if, you know, more…more people going to the Lord on my behalf would be amazing. The only last thing I pray well…

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ranger-kellyn · 4 years

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11 Favorite Excerpts

In honor if it being the 11 year anniversary of the first fic I ever posted, Platinum Bound, I thought I’d list out 10 of my favorite excerpts from everything I’ve posted so far, 1 from something I haven’t posted yet, and then kind of just. Talk about it~

As always, feel free to talk to me about any of my fics, no matter how old or new~ I’m very vain~<3

1 - Come With Me - Prologue - 03/02/2015 - Completed

A day that was supposed to be filled with sorrow and mourning had turned out to be very lovely. The cold that had long persisted since November had decided to lighten its icy grip on this one day in particular. It was almost a tragedy in itself that the weather failed to match the mood by pouring a relentless downpour. Rain was fit for a funeral. Not sunshine.

The opening to Come With Me has always had a special place in my heart, and while I know my writing has gotten better since then, I always hold up this opening as like...my premium brand, I suppose. I love the mood the prologue sets up for Siebold’s side of the story. Mismatched weather. His parents having the same death date. A sense of odd relationship dynamics with them. Clear indication that there’s going to be a lot of conflict with Jean as shown by Diantha, Siebold’d childhood friend, who has a clear disdain towards him. CWM may not be my BEST WORK, but it’s probably one of my favorites. ALSO....come on...the restaurant’s name is Apple of The Earth, which is a direct translation of pomme de terre, which is French for potato. And like???? i just get a little kick out of it every time

2 - It Takes Two - 12/16/2014 - Oneshot

Siebold chuckled. “A water dark type? My, my. You’ve already put yourself at a disadvantage. Cress shook his head. “Don’t give away your secret ingredient just yet, Siebold. Leave something to the imagination, please,” he teased.

If there is ONE THING I LOVE it’s writing flirty banter for these two, and this fic if full of it. My first fic for Cress/Siebold, staking my claim on the pool noodle that is this ship. I AM the captain of this pool noodle

3 - Second Chances - Chapter 7 - 06/14/2017 - Ongoing

“It was supposed to be me!” . . . Shaking, she stopped herself in the front hallway. Looking over the large, glass-famed map, she felt as though she was leaving her own body as she slammed herself against it in a last ditch effort to feel something other than emotional pain. In an effort to put a physical wound to her emotional one.

There’s plenty of happier lines from this fic I could choose. Ch 10 had a section I was considering instead, but I think this emotionally charged section has always stood out for me. I like to generally characterize Cynthia as someone who is in control of her emotions, or at the very least, is very good at compartmentalizing things, but here, she absolutely loses it. No rationality. No seeking help. Just raw pain. It was supposed to be me. Because it was! It absolutely was! In the previous chapter you learn that Diantha had fully intended to propose to her! But was instead manipulated by her mother and manager into leaving Cynthia. While Cynthia didn’t know that, we do, and that makes that line so much more painful to me. I swear. ONE DAY. I’ll actually finish this fic.

4 - Fortune and Fame - Chapter 1 - 03/23/2016 - Completed

“The best part of that outfit would be taking it off.” Her mouth turns into a smile. “I should think so,” she tells you.

Second person POV is a HUGE pain in the ass, but I still love this silly little fic, and I love this silly little moment EVEN MORE. What can I say. I love flirty banter. This whole fic was an absolute experiment, and while it certainly could be better, considering 2POV is not something I regularly work with, I’ve never been too upset with it.

5 - Stockholm - Chapter 4 - 06/20/2016 - Ongoing

“You’re my mission and my mission alone. I don’t need outside help,” he tells me. I catch myself about to laugh. “Figured you would welcome it seeing as whatever you think you’re doing to me clearly isn’t working.” He moves closer, enough for me to feel the warmth of his body, but it’s only when I think he’s looking at my lips do I come to my senses, pulling my legs up to my person, and pushing back up against the wall. “I would say it’s working just fine.”

i like to think of this fic as me playing in a sandbox. i don’t REALLY know what i’m doing, but i’m having fun, and that’s all that matters. This is a fic I had been thinking about for the longest time. I abandoned it back in 2016. I don’t really remember why, but I posted the first update early this year, and I just. I’ve been loving it since. I haven’t played in first person in SUCH a long time, it’s just nice to play in the space, and explore a darker emotion I guess. Game verse Commander Saturn/Dawn is always a weakness of mine

6 - Shadows of My Heart - Chapter 4 - 02/22/2011 - Completed

Looking at Kellyn, I notice that he has taken his jacket off and is now offering it to me. Shaking my head, I tell him that I can't take it, even though I would love nothing more than to take him up on his offer. He walks closer, smiling as he places his jacket over me. Now, the only thing I hear is the sound of the rain bouncing off of Kellyn's jacket, and the sound my own heartbeat. I'd have to be crazy or dead to not be blushing right now, and obviously my pulse is still going…

if you’ve followed me for a few years, you might think this is a weird pick for me. i complain about it a lot. i experience a lot of visceral cringe whenever i reread it (Like i did just now searching for a section i liked) But that’s why I like it. I love having this visible benchmark of where I’ve come from, and where my ideals have shifted to. I’ve always written Kellyn as my Ideal Man™© and in this fic he is suCH A “NICE GUY” AND IT’S JUST. SO BAD. I’M SO GLAD I’M NOT WITH THE KIND OF PERSON I USED TO WISH I WAS WITH. This fic is, at best, clumsy. Younger me was venting a LOT of stuff. Everything I put Rhythmi through in the fic, I was dealing with irl, and NOT handling them well. I never recommend this for reading, but I list it here because it’s like looking in a time capsule.

7 - Washington Blues - Chapter 2 - 04/30/2012 - Abandoned Work

Looking back up at me, the afternoon sun shines on her face. As if I needed to be reminded that she is very pretty. “I believe that it is too soon to be giving a definite answer, but,” she pauses to brush some hair behind her ear, “I do believe I am going to like it here.” I nod, liking the answer she has provided. I put my pink bag over my shoulder, and step down the stairs. “That’s good to hear. I do hope you come to love our little band,” I say, putting a little emphasis on “our”. Hopefully she will start using that term as well.

This fic has been abandoned since 2012, but as I was rereading it just now, I...felt a weird urge to give it a second chance? Marching band was my EVERYTHING in high school. It was basically my personality. It and Homestuck. If nothing else, I think I might give this fic a redo, because it’s something my younger self would have loved. I had so many ideas I wanted to explore and I think it would be a fun space to explore. Just reading it I got the most tactile memories of band camp, from the sounds, all the way down to the god awful smells. One day I’ll give this fic another go, but probably in 3rd person lmao. Also, it’s kind of funny. I remember holding this fic up as like. My Magnum Opus. I considered chapter 1 to be the BEST thing I had written up to that point. Now? It’s so fucking D RY......and no real person talks like they all do l m a o I love being able to see how far I’ve come.

8 - Hindsight - Sometime Feb 2014? - Oneshot for an old RP group

This question led him to placing both of his hands in his lap. “I would never describe her as winter. It’s the season she hates the most. From what I’ve gathered during our travels together, understandably so,” he answered, not meeting her eyes.

While this fic is OLD it holds a very special place in my heart. I had stopped writing for a while. For about 2 years nothing I wrote ever really panned out, and joining that RP group was literally the best thing I could have done for my creativity. It was so much fun, and I met some truly incredible people thanks to it. Literally, everything I’ve written since I attribute to that group. <3 I may not talk to most of them anymore, but I have some of the best memories of that time, and I just. Genuinely don’t think I would have HALF of what I have written now if it hadn’t been for their support. <3

9 - Ours For The Taking - Chapter 2 - 01/28/2012 - Abandoned Work

Killing is in the nature of almost every Pokémon, but we humans have inhibited that out for the most part. It doesn't take much to trigger the instinct though. A couple kills and then they thirst for blood.

Now i know this looks like a WACK ASS PICK. It’s been abandoned since 2012. It’s bad. It’s gore. It’s bad. But that’s exactly why I picked it. That, and I know it would chap Farla’s ass bc she told me years ago how awful this fic was. The whole reason my writing confidence took a blow. I can look back and know that this fic wasn’t great, but I hate for my younger self that they were knocked down like that. You can’t learn the boundaries of your writing until you try to push them. Maybe I could have turned into a great gore/horror writer if I hadn’t been knocked down? Who knows? But because of that negative experience, I now approach all comments I leave on fics with “unconditional positive regard”. I firmly believe if someone wants con-crit they’ll ask for it, and even then, I’m not someone who is going to offer up that criticism. That’s not my jam. I’m just here for a good time. This fic may be bad, but that’s why I love it. I love how over the top, 2Edgy4me the two chapters are.

10 - Getaway Car - Chapter 5 - 01/01/2019 - Ongoing

Pulling away just enough to make them look at one another, Cynthia looked her over. She was getting more drunk admissions than she ever thought she would, and she was in no frame of mind to worry about pushing her luck. “How did that make you feel?” she asked. She let her hand trail down her arm as she spoke. “Grounded. Like nothing else in the world mattered except us in that moment. I wasn’t worried about filming, deadlines, what people might say or think, or– anything, really. All that mattered was the calm you brought me, and how without meaning to you’ve made me feel like the most important person in the room.”

It’s no secret that Getaway Car is like. MY BABY. This is MY FIC. MY BABY. I CHERISH THIS FIC FOR SO MANY REASONS. I like venting through characters, and this fic is no exception. But I loved writing this moment specifically, because it just...I think it encapsulates everything Diantha has been looking for. She lives a charmed, chaotic life. Up to that point in the fic, she’s with a man who can’t really be bothered to give her the time of day, but also can’t handle the idea of letting her go. Without meaning to, without necessarily trying to, Cynthia makes her feel like the most important person in the room. She grounds her, and someone who lives a star-studded life needs that. This fic is my baby. My everything. It’s probably what I’m known for at this point, and I’m A-OK with that because these two are my everything. (ALSO, I specifically posted this fic when I did to get Farla to leave me a review, and had a good laugh about it when she did. My “bat shit crazy” plot device has ended up being my most popular fic~)

11 - Namtaflu - Chapter _ - Draft from NaNoWriMo 2019

The sound of something rising to the surface of the water attracted everyone’s attention. Turning their eyes towards the water, one by one, countless Starmie and Staryu began to surface, floating atop the water, their bright gem center’s shining in the moonlight. “Oh, wow,” Bianca said, holding the Audino closer to herself. "What are they doing?” Hilbert asked, turning himself so he wasn’t having to strain to look at them. Cheren shrugged. “They’ve always done this.” "They’re looking at the stars,” Hilda added. “It’s what Nona would always tell me. She said she read it in a book somewhere. They surface at night to look at the stars, and they’ll even start blinking here soon.” As she said it, from out in the distance, quick flashes of red began to move along the waves, reminding both her and Cheren of fireflies from further south. Soon enough, the entire shoreline was filled with the water pokémon blinking away at the stars, almost as if they were communicating with each other, or even something else. A few Audino continued to sit with them, everyone moved to silence by the display, afraid to make a single noise, not wanting to scare them at all and make them stop. The display moved in waves, like a heartbeat, ebbing and flowing. At times they were bright enough to cast a glow onto the shore, and at others it seemed like they had collectively stopped for the night. Once Broadway and Manhattan had decided to retire for the night, the group came to an agreement that it was time they retired for the night as well. They had stayed up long past sundown, but it had been worth every second.

I won’t be posting this fic WELL until my three current ongoing fics are completed, but this fic is pretty much everything to me. I first got the idea for this fic back in 2013, my senior year of high school. I wrote the first draft my first NaNoWriMo in 2014, and did a second draft of it last year. This fic has evolved SO MUCH, but this last draft is where I’m REALLY happy with it. I firmly believe there’s never a “right time” to write a fic, but I also believe this fic absolutely benefited from me not posting it after that first draft. They’re almost two entirely different stories. The original had a lot of unhealthy relationship dynamics, and this time, i decided, FUCK THAT, and now it’s a hilda/hilbert/cheren/bianca poly fic ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ I can’t wait for the day when I actually get to share this fic with the world.

#writing tag #my fics #i spENT ALL DANG DAY ON THIS

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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afraid (aristique) - melody

Summary: Plastique and Ariel couldn’t be happier, their love was a cherry blossom in a warm spring afternoon: flourishing and flourishing. It flourished and flourished, until somehow challenging nature thorns started to grow in the twigs. It was time to meet Plastique’s parents, that thing itself made Ariel go crazy. Read on ao3 / writing blog /main blog

A/N: Hello! I’m melody, formerly mai as some of you might know me (or even as uranus trash sjfdhjfggjkhgjkf), and I decided to change my pen name because of some stuff so I hope you like this new brand <3 This is part of the feelings are chemicals!verse such as “chemistry” and “falling in love in a coffee shop”, so if you wanna catch up feel more than welcome <3. Hope you like this piece, as always thanks to the amazing @ artificialmeggie for beta reading this, I’ll be eternally grateful for having her in my life <3 My new url on the writing blog is “artificiallymelody” so feel free to follow!

Me: I can’t do this, I’m not going.

Ariel sighed, in the middle of her heavy tears as she typed the short sentence and threw her phone away in the bed - she was so messed up that she didn’t care if it was going to break or anything. That simple message revealed a lot of fear. She didn’t even care about what Vanessa - her best friend - would say. Vanije wasn’t the kind of girl who judged, but she knew she was persistent and would try to convince her at every cost.

Well, unfortunately her phone didn’t break, because it wouldn’t stop beeping. This time it wasn’t Vanessa, but her girlfriend, probably very worried about her. The same girlfriend she was going to let down, and who planned that whole night for them, who was the sweetest thing in the world. Ariel being such a coward probably hurt Plastique, and while Ariel had no sensibility when hurting other people, hurting her girlfriend made her want to punch herself in the face.

Princess plastique 🎀✨💞: C’mon Ariel… I already said I’m sorry

I know my parents are scary but please… You’re really making me sad by ignoring my texts

…I love you

If they ever hurt you I swear I’ll fight, you know I’d do anything for you babyyyyy

Just… Please

Ariel?

We can eat pizza at my place if you want, cancel all this stuff, I was excited and planned it with my heart but… I really care about you, just please answer my texts

You don’t need to go if you don’t want to

Guess I’ll have dinner alone with my parents then.

I really love you :( please don’t give up on me, on us… We’ve come so far

They’ve come so far… It was true. Ariel used to be very negative, she used to not be in touch with her feelings - hiding them, just as she was doing right now - and Plastique caught her attention since the first minute she saw her walking in the hallways of the Fashion Institute of Technology. They shared a very boring class in the course they were doing, and Plastique was the only thing that made her attend that class without fail.

It didn’t take long until they started flirting and having a fling. But it never was more than a fling because Ariel had ugly actions - pretty on the outside, ugly on the inside - that made her sad. When she saw that girl that gave her palpitations in the heart get away from her, she knew she needed to change, that she needed to stop being such a coward. She did it for Plastique, and for herself, and it worked: their love now was a cherry blossom in a warm spring afternoon.

It flourished and flourished, until somehow challenging nature thorns started to grow in the twigs. It was time to meet Plastique’s parents, that thing itself made Ariel go crazy. They both came from wealthy families, but Ariel’s was more liberal than anything. They never minded their daughter liking girls - her mother was biseuxal, actually - and were the kind of bohemian rich family; traditionality was a thing she never knew. She liked that, that her mom was the boss and that her dad was her business partner, that they were a team, that they raised Ariel and incentives her to choose the path she wanted in her life - and ironically, to match her uncertain last name, she chose fashion.

Her surname was Versace, but she didn’t have a connection with the actual Versace family at all - what everyone mistook. She heard from her parents that her dad was a very distant bastard cousin from one of the Versaces and that was they preferred to have the name - it was pretty fancy after all. But her family’s wealth was concentrated on her parents company - that obviously didn’t take the Versace name, but used ‘’Neel’’ instead. That was her mom’s name.

Plastique’s family was a traditional family. The Edwards were pretty reserved, and if Plastique was shy, quiet, and polite nowadays it was because of the many etiquette classes she told Ariel her parents made her do. They weren’t very happy with her studying Fashion - they wanted the perfect Patricia Edwards to be a doctor or something - and Ariel was sure they would explode if they knew she was a lesbian.

It seemed like Plastique knew it too, because she told her parents Ariel was a boy. That was the reason she was a mess in first place; if meeting Ariel’s parents was already stressing, now it was impossible. She got to control herself thanks to Vanessa to meet her parents, and to find the perfect dress - Ariel’s dresses were ‘’too slutty’’ for Plastique’s parents fancy noses, but now all the control she had was falling apart.

Ariel just wanted to run away.

Vanije 👯‍♀️:

Bitch, put yourself together! I’ll be there in a minute, I love you

Well, she couldn’t, because nothing would stop Vanessa now. She knew the girl since they were dumb middle school girls, she knew she wouldn’t give up easily. Neither would Ariel.

Vanessa Vanije Matteo was what you called the most persuasive person in the world. She entered Ariel’s apartment determined, like solving Ariel’s mess depended on her life. Ariel cursed herself for giving her extra keys. Great, now it cost her peace and safe crying space. Vanije was like hurricane in her speech; she talked so fast that Ariel could swear she almost got thrown to the other side of the room.

‘’Bitch I’m here, get out of this bed right now! I’m here to-’’

As a defense mechanism to avoid that, she began to sing. She always sang when she was nervous or just trying to shake off the bad feelings, she knew that would distract Vanessa - and herself.

‘’ Bitch, I’m here to fuck you up,’’ Ariel sang, trying to clean up her tears and make some fun. ‘’Wanna make your bottle pop, ooh nah’’

‘’Ariel, my hoe, this isn’t time for Charli, you know how much I love her but I’m being serious-’’

‘’I’m ‘bout to drop!’’ Ariel yelled in Vanessa’s ears. ‘’Looking like wow.’’ Vanessa sighed: ‘’Are you really doing this, bitch? Are you testing me?’’

‘’We spending ‘cause we got this.’’

Vanessa rolled her eyes in redemption to Ariel’s loudly yelling: ‘’ These dollars all in my pockets’’

‘’I’m like a diamond in the sky, so high.’’ And they laughed, that was enough to make Ariel’s rough heart warmer, and less worried with everything and anything. There was a time where it was all laughs, no worries, just a warm friendship. Three years ago, when they were still in high school, Trophy came out and it automatically became the duo’s song to jam to. Ariel had lost the count of how many times they danced to it electrically at multiple parties.

But it was time for the laughs to go away, and the tears to take place. Ariel knew Vanije was persuasive, but she also felt so comfortable venting to her. She sobbed her heart out telling how much she loved Plastique, that her parents thought Ariel was a boy and when they found out the truth she would never see Plastique again. Even if they accepted her as a lesbian - which was hard - they would think their daughter was too good for her…

‘’Look at me.’’ Vanessa cleaned the black trails of mascara on Ariel’s face; it was dramatic - like she was a movie star.

‘’I can’t-’’

Her phone beeped again:

Princess plastique 🎀✨💞:

Ariel I swear to god, they are waiting for you, they are excited to meet you

A billion of angry replies passed on Ariel’s mind.

Me: Oh are they excited to meet me Patricia? Or are they excited to meet Ariel Versace the heterosexual boy?

Princess plastique 🎀✨💞: Hey you have all the right to be angry baby. Yes I know I screwed up, but I’m willing to tell them, we’ve got this… It’s all about our love. if hey ever hurt you I swear to god I’ll hurt them back.

Me: But dolly, you are baby you can’t hurt a fly

Princess plastique 🎀✨💞 For you I would kill a lot of flies >:(

No jk I wouldn’t kill the poor things :(, but I’d def fight my shitty parents

Ariel smiled to the phone, Vanessa placed a hand on her shoulder: ‘’You know she loves you, you love her. Are you going to stay here and cry? Watch a dumb girl movie with your best friend and eat more pizza than your diet allows?’’

It was one of Vanessa’s pep talks, and they always made Ariel laugh hard.

‘’…Or are you going to fight for her? Fight for Miss Patricia, she loves you! I’ve known you for an annoying amount of time, and I know Ariel motherfucking Versace doesn’t give up on anything!’’

It was true, Ariel would never give up on the girl who made her heart warm, or held her hand when she felt Ariel was scared - Ariel would never say she was, but Plastique knew. They would fight it together, she was Ariel, Versace or Neel. Her family never gave up, she would never give up… Now she had a face to redo, and a Vanije in the room putting on their old high school playlist.

‘’Let’s go lesbians’’

[…]

Looking flawless was a matter that Ariel mastered easily, so in a few minutes she looked like a goddess. Her white turtleneck dress wasn’t that short, and her makeup skills made her go from crying mess to dressed to impress. In theory she was constantly trying to remember herself - now in Vanessa’s voice - that she was enough, and that she and Plastique had this. But in practice she was tempted to start biting her nails - even if she just painted them.

The drive to the restaurant was chaotic for the very least to be said. Ariel wasn’t the best driver in the world - her parents surely were way too liberal, they gave her a car even if she was a disaster driving that - and now that she was nervous she was sure that she would have her car crashed and die - in fact, she almost did. What was she doing again when she was taking the driving lessons from her family’s chauffeur? Oh yeah, she remembered: she was reading fashion magazines instead, but in her defense if that car was a dress she would one hundred percent know how to make that cute with sneakers instead of heels.

With no car crashings - for her luck - and an impression eating fast timing, Ariel was in the restaurant. One of the fanciest restaurants of New York, the pressure was high. Plastique’s parents were really invested in knowing who her daughter was dating. Ariel went there before, so it wasn’t a problem for her; she liked the atmosphere of fancy restaurants a lot. She was scared, walking through the tables like a small fish in an ocean full of sharks - until she found the table of sharks she looked for so much.

Plastique’s parents were for the very least, classy, in an old school way - her dad wore a monocle, a monocle for world’s sake. Her mom had the biggest pearl necklace Ariel had ever seen, and a big beauty queen blonde her that was a big contrast with her bright blue eyes. She imagined them to be serious and rigid, Plastique’s dad surely seemed to be, but her mom talked loudly and witty about something - she seemed to be such a fun figure.

Ariel stopped observing, and in five steps that seemed to be five steps to her death, she shuttered a bunch of words she didn’t even processed right: ‘’G-goodnight’’

Plastique smiled in surprise to see her girlfriend, and blinked to her. Suddenly Ariel remembered why she had to do everything right: she would fight for her girl, you could be sure of that.

‘’Oh who’s this beauty darling?’’ Alyssa turned her head to Ariel with a friendly look. ‘’Aren’t you the bastard Versace children? I know your dad from college, honey we used to smoke pot together.’’

Plastique’s dad, an old serious Vietnamese man looked at Alyssa with the coldest look.

‘’What?! It was in college, stop being so grumpy’’

‘’Who are you? Are you Patricia’s friend? We were waiting for her boyfriend Ariel, we didn’t knew her friend was coming too.’’ Her dad split the words on Ariel’s face harshly, but it didn’t take Ariel down.

‘’In fact…’’ She smiled ‘’I’m Ariel, nice to meet you’’

The old man seemed like he was having a stroke; he literally choked on his drink with Ariel’s speech, while Alyssa had a kind of playful glow in her eyes. Plastique had a worried semblance, looking at her parents and to Ariel awkwardly.

‘’B-baby why don’t you sit?’’ Plastique shuttered.

‘’Baby? Are you kidding me, Patricia?’’ her dad yelled as Ariel took a seat beside Plastique.

‘’Look my dear, let the girl explain herself,’’ Alyssa intervened. ‘’Hi Ariel, we are excited to meet you aren’t we?’’

‘’…I’m not.’’ her dad looked at Ariel like he wanted to kill her. ‘’I’m not okay with the fact my daughter is a dyke, I’m sorry Alyssa but this won’t happen.’

‘’Dad, we didn’t even order…’’ Plastique seemed like she wanted to cry.

Damn, damn, damn. Ariel just wanted to hold her, she held her hand under the table, Plastique’s weak fingers squeezing Ariel’s in a cry for comfort. Ariel rubbed her thumb on Plastique’s hand, telling her everything was okay as they always did, it was such an intimate gesture in the middle of that whole hurricane.

She wanted the peace, the love, the healing they always felt when they were together. That moment was one thing, chaotic, and the poor fragile Plastique was in the middle of that. If she could, she would… She would fight her dad, but Ariel was paralyzed, she didn’t know how to react, just to hold Plastique’s hand as strong as she could.

‘’Do you even listen to yourself, Patricia? We raised you to be our heir, our treasure, you would marry a rich man and be an influential woman in high society… And if you marry… This girl, what will they think of you? She’s a bastard, and a girl! Do you think high society will accept you? Are you a lesbian now? Do you think a lesbian has success in her life?’’

Tears started to go down Plastique’s face. No, no, no… Ariel wanted to play with her hair until she calmed down, to kiss her forehead and make her the chamomile tea she knew she enjoyed that so much. Ariel wanted to be there for her, to fall asleep with her in her arms, the world would be a safe place. But now she could only rub her thumb on Plastique’s hand trying to give her the bare minimum of comfort she could at that moment.

‘’Well I am, but you never listened to me did you dad? Did you ever pay attention? And this girl here is the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s kind, she’s lovely, she has personality, and her arms are safer than any of your expensive security equipment could be. I love her!’’

‘’You don’t love her, we don’t approve this!’’

‘’I do, look at us, we are in love.’’ Plastique raised Ariel’s hand holding hers over the table, now it was visible - not just to her parents, but the whole restaurant was looking at them.

‘’Darling…’’

‘’Don’t interrupt me, Alyssa… Well, you can live without our money and with… this.’’ He looked at Ariel with the most disgusted face. ‘’Or fucking be normal and end this lesbian bullshit, right now’’

Violently crying, Plastique left the table and the restaurant, like a princess running away from her abusive, sick, and homophobic tower. Ariel’s first instinct was to go find her, outside the restaurant, sitting by the fountain, crying her soul out. She looked so weak, unprotected, now it was the right time to hold her. Ariel loved that girl so much… Usually, she made people cry, but seeing Plastique cry was like experiencing a thunderstorm.

‘’Baby…’’ she held her, she held her as tightly as she ever had Plastique sobbed even more. ‘’Shh, shh, I’m here, it’s okay.’’ She kissed her forehead.

‘’Don’t look at me I’m pathetic, I’m so sorry… This was such a dumb idea… I just thought they would change, that they loved me.’’

‘’No it wasn’t, you’re perfect Patricia, they are bullshit. Fuck it if they disown you, I have money, I can afford a pretty comfortable life for both of us baby, my parents would love you… God they would never stop talking about you, in fact I think they would like you more than they like me.‘’

‘’I don’t wanna be a weight for you Ariel, I’m such a failure…’’

‘’No you aren’t’’ Alyssa’s voice was irreplaceable. ‘’My daughter is everything but a failure, and I know that since I saw her stupid cute face after long hours of labor.’’

‘’Mom, what are you doing here?’’ Plastique asked surprised, cleaning her tears.

‘’Do you think I was going to support your father on his bullshit?’’

‘’Well…’’

“Sweetheart, I love you, and I’m sure Miss Thing here is as lovely as she seems. I see that in the way she looks at you, in the way she holds your hand, calms you down…’’ Alyssa looked at them fondly ‘’I always knew you were gay, since you spied the neighbor because she went to a preparatory school and that skirts were… Well…’’

Plastique blushed, Alyssa placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘’And it’s okay, I’m gonna change his mind I promise, I always do.’’

This fond moment meant so much for Ariel because she saw Plastique smile again. Her radiant smile was more precious than the diamond necklace she wore, more beautiful than all her dresses put together - Plastique was art, the most beautiful thing in the world, nothing could be ever compared. Ariel wondered if she knew how beautiful she was, how she made her heart skip a bit every time she smiled, how much everything she did meant for her.

So enamored, they were hugging each other. After all they got this, Plastique wasn’t lying at all - they were stronger with that, even if they didn’t have Alyssa’s support, they would get over this. Because they were so powerful, their love was a rose with a lot of thorns, but that thorns made them stronger to the world. Alyssa gave her a weird comfortable feeling, holding Ariel’s hands and looking directly to her eyes: ‘’You have my blessing, please take good care of her, she’s so fragile…’’

‘’I’m not a fragile thing needing to be protected!’’ Plastique crossed her arms.

‘’Baby I would love to agree with you but last week you cried when I showed you a kitty video.’’

‘’That kitty was so cute! It made me emotional.’’ Plastique complained ‘’I’m not fragile hmph’’

‘’Okay sweetheart you aren’t’’ Alyssa patted her head.

‘’Thank you mom.’’

‘’I’m lying, she’s such a baby and if you hurt her I’ll kill you bitch.’’

‘’Mom!’’ Plastique seemed mad ‘’Ariel don’t listen to her.’’

‘’You look so cute when you’re grumpy princess.’’

‘’No, not cute. Dangerous. I’m dangerous.’’ Plastique pouted.

Ariel kissed her pout: ‘’A dangerous cutie’’

To make Ariel’s heart burst into an explosion one more time, Plastique smiled, and she smiled back kissing her forehead. They didn’t even care if they were in front of Alyssa, but they got the woman sobbing.

‘’I can’t with you two, I’m so happy for you, truly.’’ Alyssa smiled to the fond moment ‘’…Now I have to get in again, what are you doing tonight?’’ she sighed.

‘’I promised Miss Versace some pizza at my place if it all went wrong, I guess we are watching a movie too. I don’t know.’’

‘’Yes babe Mean Girls and cuddle.’’ Ariel blinked.

Alyssa looked at both sides: ‘’Can I go with you? I don’t wanna bear Mr. Edwards and his bullshit tonight, to be fair honest I love him, but sometimes…’’

‘’Yes mom of course!’’ Plastique seemed electric as a child on a playground. ‘’It will be so fun, I didn’t see it coming, I know a very good pizza place. We can get delivery-’’

‘’Shhh Patricia, I know you’re excited’’ Alyssa patted her head. ‘’I hope I’m not third wheeling, and I want your hands in a place I can see them.’’

Plastique blushed so hard, Ariel cracked and couldn’t stop laughing. ‘’Bold of you to think you will even see them.’’

‘’Ariel! No mom isn’t true don’t worry.’’

‘’Patricia it’s okay people fuck, how do you think you were born?’’

Now Plastique was red as Alyssa’s lipstick.

And the following events were full of fond laughter and blushed cheeks - full of family. Plastique fell asleep in Ariel’s arms, and even in the dark she could swear she was the cutest thing in the world. Alyssa could too, she looked at them like she just saw the same kitty video that made Plastique cry from joy.

#rpdr fanfiction #ariel versace #plastique tiara #aristique #vanessa vanjie mateo #alyssa edwards #fluff #rare pair #hurt/comfort #angst with a happy ending #lesbian au #college au #s11 #melody #tw homophobia #tw slurs against lesbians #concrit welcome #submission

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jeonbase · 5 years

Note

Hi Andrea can you please recommend me some angsty yoonkook fics ? I need a good cry akdkz thanks !

i think i actually made a list before? but i’ll just redo it

hope u don’t cry too much ;;

la douleur exquise - sobi

(au, ghost au, angst):

[ la douleur exquise : french - the heartbreaking pain of wanting someone you can’t have. ]

the boy with the scarf changes everything.

(this is one of my ult favorite angst fics)

to prosper - xiajin

(mythology au, fluff, angst, love at first sight, forced separation, light smut)

do you adore me as much as i adore you?

(i love hades!yoongi x perse!kook so much)

i hear you in the spring breeze - ial

(au, angst, implied depression, implied suicidal thoughts, major character death)

[17/09/01 2:12 AM] yoongi: i still dream about you[17/09/01 2:12 AM] yoongi: a lot[17/09/01 2:12 AM] yoongi: more than i should[17/09/01 2:12 AM] yoongi: is that weird

[17/09/01 2:43 AM] yoongi: don’t answer that

[17/09/01 5:57 AM] yoongi: is it though

(breaks my heart every time i read it but i love it so much, beautiful fic)

slow song - darling

(hyyh au, angst, implied domestic abuse, destructive suicidal thoughts, hurt/comfort)

don’t do over.

do better.

and like flowers in his hands, death blooms - bellamees

(hades/persephone retelling, angst, mild smut, mentions of death)

“i have this friend, he has a spare room,” namjoon says, and he sounds apologetic. “he’s an undertaker.”

heart bind - xiajin

(fwb au, famous yoongi, singer jeongguk, emotional hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of starvation, mentions of attempted suicide, internalized homophobia)

yoongi didn’t need to break his heart; jungkook did it all on his own.

Not Dark Yet - dreamingdaegu

(au, angst, parallel universes)

Every year, Jungkook returns to the forest.

Maybe this year he will find what he’s hoping for.

i know i’ll fall in love with you, baby - witheredleaf (micooled)

(soulmates au, fanboy jeongguk, rapper yoongi, fluff and angst)

The soulmate/soulbond au where Yoongi is part of a famous rap duo and Jungkook is his diligent fanboy, they meet at a fansign and things escalate from there

(alt. Yoongi didn’t sign up for this)

eternity - xiajin

(au, spirits, angst, tragic lovers)

while the sun creates, the moon waits.

the nights really were made for saying things you can’t say tomorrow day - siderum

(canon verse, slow burn, angst, jeongguk centric)

“you know, the fact that my rap puts you to sleep should be insulting,” yoongi says wryly.

the continuation fic ‘color in your cheeks (the feeling flows both ways)’

algae bloom - cherryjjk

(canon/idols, angst with happy ending, fluff, smut, slow burn, praise kink)

“You have no goddamn idea, kid!” Yoongi screams, shoving Jeongguk away from him hard, just to get some space, “I hate myself for doing this to you. Every single day I wake up wishing it could be simpler. Wishing that I could have fallen for Jimin, Hoseok, fuck, anyone else but you.”

alternatively; yoonkook sort out their feelings, together.

hunt you down, eat you alive - notyoongs

(zombie apocalypse au, bunny hybrid jeongguk, angst, fluff, smut)

“What’s going on?” asks Jeongguk sleepily, nearly tripping.

Yoongi doesn’t answer, just moves them along the walls until they get to the living room and he peers out of the window. “Fuck,” he says, hurrying to pull Jeongguk toward the door. “Fuck, fuck—”

“Hyung,” whines Jeongguk, rubbing at his sleepy eyes, and Yoongi finally turns to look at him.

“Zombies, Guk-ah,” he says. “There are zombies outside.”

(or: yoongi finds a bunny hybrid. the zombies find them both.)

siren song - xiajin

(magic au, angst, hurt/comfort)

the thing about jungkook is that he’s a bit of a spacey witch.

with you, anywhere - fruitily

(hyyh au, angst with happy ending, amnesiac jeongguk, light smut)

“i loved you, too,” he says, but it’s not true. he did a lot of things, but he never lied to jungkook. so he corrects: “i love you, still.”

aere perennius - bellamees

(gods & goddesses au, tragic romance, angst with happy ending, hurt/comofrt, mild smut, reincarnation, soulmates)

“one thousand three hundred and seventy-six years, hyung.”

or; gods never die, until they do.

As venom as love itself is - monoxxide

(au, emotional/psychological abuse, hate sex, angst, love/hate, verbal humiliation)

Jeongguk is weak and just can’t help but loving Yoongi

Yoongi is weaker and just can’t stop Jeongguk from loving him

Your Smile Is My Happiness - Sealegs2414

(angst, fluff, pining)

“Hyung…” the shorter male just grunted in reply.

“Is there a reason your knees are shaking and your hand is squeezing like there’s no tomorrow?”

Yoongi refused to turn his head towards Jungkook and meet his gaze. If it hadn’t been for the fact that it was really dark outside even with all the lights of the city, Jungkook could have seen his hyung blush. Sadly that was not in the cards for him to night. The two could see each other just fine but it wasn’t quite bright enough to see any dusting of pink on either of their faces.

A gruff, “No,” was the reply he got as well as a forced relaxation in the grip that the elder had on his hand but it still never moved. The knees however, well they got a little worse before they got better.

mouthful of forevers - notyoongs

(goblin au, major character death but not really, past minor character death, soulmates, fluff, angst with happy ending, eventual smut)

he can’t help the worry that gnaws at frozen feet as he waits for jeongguk to summon him, waits for the tell tale smoke that rises from his hands, lets him pinpoint jeongguk’s location and go to him. but it doesn’t come—it never does. and it’s new: this yearning. inexplicable, almost, for a heart that has beat for hundreds of years and never allowed itself to feel something like this.

maybe it’s time that yoongi let himself feel it. let himself acknowledge all of it—the way jeongguk has nestled into his heart, has made a place there for himself with candles and glittery costumes and bunny smiles. the way jeongguk has convinced him, bit by bit, that there are worse ways to live. yoongi is supposed to die—he was supposed to the first time, centuries ago. but now, finally, he understands something he couldn’t anticipate when he waited all of those centuries for his bride to show up: it’s not a punishment to live if he finally has something worth living for.

(or: yoongi has waited almost a thousand years for his bride, like the universe intended. but when jeongguk finally shows up, yoongi stops playing by the rules. a guardian: the great and lonely god au.)

transatlanticism - bellamees

(dystopia au, sun/moon au, night/day au, mutual pining, love at first sight, mentions of sexual content, angst with happy ending)

jungkook lives in the day. yoongi lives at night.

(or: the realms of day and night, two different worlds coming from two opposite poles, mingled during this time.)

sonata - numajiri

(au, pianist yoongi, cellist jeongguk, light angst)

yoongi’s fingers slot onto the keys like the first words they have ever known

all the ashes in my wake - shelightsupwell

(hyyh au, explicit sexual content, hurt/comfort, suicidal thoughts, mental health issues, minor violence, implied/referenced child abuse, angst, angst with a happy ending)

Hoseok is right. Yoongi can’t expect Jungkook to read his mind. He just has to tell him straight out that sometimes he feels like garbage and he just wants to crawl into the nearest trash can and set it on fire from the inside, and it’s got nothing to do with whether or not he’s actually happy, because he absolutely is, but also he’s not.

Two years after Yoongi ran away from home, he’s reunited with Jungkook, and childhood friendship gives way to romance, but for Yoongi, struggling with depression, the relationship is as much panic-inducing as it is comforting.

surrender - notyoongs

(tokyo ghoul au, smut, heavy angst, murder, bloodplay, power dynamics, secret relationship, body horror, self mutilation, cannibalism)

jeongguk could kill him, but—he doesn’t. and maybe that’s enough to call it love.

the sound of winter - officialmaknae

(werewolf/abo au, alpha yoongi, omega jeongguk, slow burn, angst, rape/non con elements, underage drinking, blood and gore, minor character deaths)

Yoongi has a lot on his plate, but when his pack discovers a small pup in their territory, he finds that he’s about to have a lot more.

Pale Petals - sue_bts

(prince and peasant au, prince yoongi, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, tragic romance, past abuse)

Min Yoongi is blind in his arrogance and power. Jeon Jungkook is a petal the prince plucked from a bouquet.

#i haven't rlly read anything new in a long while tbh #asks #yoonkook #ficrec #also wanted to add some bluemixtape fics but...#then i Remembered...#they deleted :((#i miss them and their fics

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ukulelewrites · 6 years

Text

Con Amore

A/N: A full fledge fic from ukulelewrites??????? I’m shooketh yall. Sorry for the wait, I just fell in a major writer’s rut until very recently tagging @albdajirk bc she knows what’s up @ladynightmareii bc she deserves some “quality fics” @seungkwanslowqualityenglish for not yelling at me to sleep instead of write and the rest of @smols-n-tols

Pairing: Stray Kids’ Jisung x Reader

Genre: Fluff/Angst/shade thrown @ jyp/Trainee Reader!AU

Word Count: 7.5k

Con Amore: an Italian musical term designating the singer to sing the melody with love

The beat played in the background of the studio as Jisung stood in the recording booth, meticulously rapping his part for Stray Kids’ upcoming track. Suddenly, the back track stopped.

“Can you redo that last line?” you asked into the mic, “Your intonation sounds weird.” Chan nodded in agreement from next to you. “Also,” you leaned towards the mic again, “add more emphasis on the first syllable please.” Jisung gave you a thumbs up before going back and rapping his line again, now fixed with your suggestions. You smiled at him through the glass, even giving him a thumbs up when he finished.

“Amazing work, Jisung,” Chan said as his bandmate entered the studio.

“Couldn’t have done it without my favorite producer’s help,” Jisung replied as he ruffled your hair. You stuck your tongue out at him playfully

“I’m hurt,” Chan exclaimed dramatically, clutching his chest. You rolled your eyes at their banter.

“Wait, what time is it?” you asked both boys, already shoving some of your things into your bag.

“4:20pm,” Chan said after glancing at his watch.

“Oh shit,” you mumbled before scurrying towards the door. “I gotta go, guys. Monthly evaluations start in 10 minutes. See you tomorrow!”

Adrenaline pumped through your veins as you dropped to your knees and slid across the floor, bending yourself backwards, and watching as Sera flipped over you. As the song entered the next verse, you got up off of the floor and went straight into rapping, losing yourself to the beat you had produced just weeks prior. Sera quickly went into her rap verse, her energy bouncing off of you. Then the two of you got back into formation with the rest of the girls, moving along to the choreography Sera perfected just 3 days ago. The chorus came, and a girl named Haeun belted out your lyrics. When the climax of the song came, you and her stood in the center of the formation, going back and forth with high notes and ad libs. The music from the stereo stopped, and the entire group lined up in age order in front of the trainers.

“So the song is self-produced?” Ms. Kim, the vocal trainer asked. The group nodded. “Who produced the track?”

“I did, Ms. Kim,” you said politely, raising your hand, “I also composed the track and wrote the lyrics with Sera’s help.”

“And Sera choreographed the entire thing?” Mr. Park, the dance trainer asked.

“We worked together to come up with the big picture,” Sera stated.

“But Sera pulled together our ideas to form one cohesive choreography,” you chimed in. The trainers nodded at your statement but kept their eyes trained on the papers in front of them: the papers that outlined your age, talents, weights, and other info.

“You’ve been producing a lot haven’t you, Y/N?” Ms. Kim asked, eying your profile.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You assisted producing and composing for Twice’s latest album, GOT7’s sophomore album, and Stray Kids’ upcoming mini-album?”

“She also wrote most of 15&’s songs,” Sera chimed in this time.

“Who?” Ms. Kim asked. You chose to stay silent for her sake. After another beat of silence Ms. Kim spoke again, “Nice work on the song, Y/N.” You bowed gratefully at her compliment, hoping your curtain of hair hid your triumphant smile.

“Clean choreography as well, Sera,” Mr. Park said. Your best friend also bowed down a full 90 degrees. “No laggers this time,” he stated. You could see the two youngest trainees in your group let out a sigh of relief.

“Also amazing high note, Haeun. Good usage of the JYP technique,” Ms. Kim complimented. Haeun beamed and also bowed. You chewed at the inside of your cheek. Let’s say you weren’t exactly too fond of your agency’s infamous technique.

“Now, girls, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard the rumors by now,” Mr. Park started, “And I’m going to tell you that they’re true. We are looking at debuting a new girl group by the beginning of next year.” The excitement in the room grew tenfold. “No decisions are final yet, but we will let you know in the following week who will make the final group. You’re dismissed.”

The moment you exited the stuffy dance studio, you let out a giant sigh of relief. “Jesus, I really thought I was going to get cut this time,” you said, pulling your water bottle out of your duffel bag and chugging half its content.

“Shut up,” Sera replied, rolling her eyes, “you’ve been here for what? Eight years now? How could they possibly get rid of you? You produce half of their artists’ albums now. You’re a triple threat. Plus, you’re my best friend, and you know if they kick you out, JYP’s finna catch these hands.” You giggled at her comment before pulling her aside.

“They almost got me for my weight,” you whispered, “I was half a kilogram over.” Sera looked at you incredulously.

“But you’ve been dieting for the past month? Like, for a whole week you only ate an apple a day!”

“I just need to hit the gym a couple more times a week,” you sighed, “And cut down on the snacks.”

“But,” Sera dropped her voice even quieter when Haeun walked by, “they’re not gonna cut you from the debut group because of your weight, right? Like, they didn’t kick you out because of your weight, so why exclude you from the group?”

“They didn’t kick me out because everyone knows I’ve been here for years, and this is just a minor fluke. Ms. Kim even brushed it off saying it’s my time of the month.”

“So you won’t get excluded from the final group?”

“Probably not, but I just need to step up my game for now. Can’t be known as the girl who got cut from joining SIXTEEN and from debuting in any of the girl groups,” you said wryly.

“Chin up, buttercup. We’re debuting together, and that’s a fact!”

“Y/N, do you think you could rearrange this song for me?” Haeun asked you the following day.

“‘Honey’ by Kehlani? I feel like the acoustic guitar is really the identity of the-”

“But can you rearrange it?” she asked, this time a bit more impatiently.

“I can, but how do you want it rearranged?” you asked, plastering on a smile.

“More pop, dance music-esque. I need a beat added to it, and, well, I don’t know. You usually do that part for me!”

“Yeah, just give me a couple hours,” you said, already putting on your headphones. Haeun prances out of the practice room, only to be replaced by Sera.

“What did the princess want?” Sera asked.

“Just a rearrangement done,” you replied blandly, already focusing on the beat you were conjuring up.

“Ya know, I can’t hate her because she’s so talented, but god, she’s irritating.”

“She’s not that bad,” you said, already laying down the track, “She just doesn’t really understand what it means to be part of a team yet, which makes sense because she’s an only child and has only been a trainee for 6 months.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Sera said before looking at the clock, “Hey, Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you helping Chan oppa today?”

You nodded, not really looking up from your laptop.

“Shouldn’t you go now?” Sera insisted. You finally tore your attention away from your rearrangement to see that, yes, you should definitely head to the recording studio now.

“Sorry I’m late,” you exclaimed, bowing to the many people that filled the studio.

“It’s fine,” Chan said, “Just help us make an awesome song and you’re forgiven.”

“Sounds like a plan!” You looked down at the sheet in front of you, “So Felix is recording today?” The freckle-faced boy sent you a little salute before heading into the recording booth.

“Ah, Y/N, Jisung’s going to help you with recording today,” Chan said, “I still need to finish up the last two songs for the mini-album.”

“Yeah, that’s fine! Jisung’s fun to work with too.”

“See, hyung, Y/N likes me better,” Jisung said, cheekily sticking his tongue out too.

“Hey! Don’t go starting rumors about me now,” you said, laughing.

“Mhm, you owe me one, brat!” Chan’s voice rung out even after the door closed after him.

“Anyways…” Jisung stalled, “Let’s just get the rest of them done?”

“Okay, Felix,” you said into the mic.

“Yeah?”

“From your first line, okay?”

“I’m exhausted,” you exclaimed, slamming your head down on the table.

“Really? You’re usually fine after a session,” Jisung replied. He was the last member left in the recording studio; the rest had filed out of the room ages. “Want a snack? That usually brings your energy back up.” He starts digging around his bag.

“Nah, I can’t. I’m dieting.”

“Dieting? What for? You seem fit to me.”

“It’s just, well, there’s a lot going on right now,” you said.

“Really? Like what?” he asked, leaning forward.

“You really want to know?”

“C’mon, we’re close!”

So for the next two hours you found yourself curled up in a ball on the recording studio’s couch across from Jisung as you spilled out everything. He learned that you were up to be part of the next girl group, but nothing is certain. He empathized with you when you let out all of your concerns: your weight, your ancient trainee status, your seemingly plateauing skills. Heck, he even heard you slip out your slight dislike for a certain six-month old trainee. After speaking him for so long, your chest felt itself lighten from all the stressors that had buried you over time.

“So what now?” Jisung asked after your rant.

“I find out sometime this week if I’m in the final debut group or not,” you said, “I find out if my 10 years of training is really worth it.”

“But you’re one of the most talented people I know!” he exclaimed earnestly.

“Thanks,” you said shyly, “But it takes more than talent to debut.”

“And you have all of those things! I swear, Y/N, you’re talented, hilarious, passionate, beautiful-” his eyes widened at his last adjective. “Wait, I didn’t mean that! Wait, no, like, you are beautiful, but I meant that in a completely non-creepy-” He immediately closed his mouth when he felt your lips pressed on his cheek.

“Thank you, Jisung,” you said when you pulled away, “It means a lot hearing that from you.”

Beads of sweat trailed down your face as you amped up the speed of the treadmill just a hair faster. Your legs burned, but you kept at it; the looks of your trainers’ faces when they saw your weight fueled you.

“Tsk,” Ms. Kim only glanced at the scale before writing it down. Mr. Park tried to give you a reassuring shrug, but the extra pound glared right back at you.

“Can Mr. Park leave the room?” you asked, steadying your voice. The dance instructor didn’t utter a word as he left the room. You stripped yourself of your hoodie, jeans, and t-shirt. The number dropped a mere half pound; a sob almost escaped your lips.

“I’ll round down this time around, Y/N,” Ms. Kim said, already scribbling the goal weight down, “But don’t expect it next time around.”

“Thank you so much, Ms. Kim,” you exclaimed, giving her a full 90 degree bow when you got off the scale.

“Don’t let me down, kid. You’re probably the best vocal trainee we got in this company; I’d hate to let you go.”

Your limbs were screaming at this point, but you kept at your robotic pace, keeping your eyes trained on the clock on the opposite wall.

2:43am. You still had so much left to go.

“Yo, Y/N, you okay?” Sera asked the next morning. She had a hand on your arm, steadying you as you almost trip over your own two feet.

“Yeah, I just spent some extra time in the gym yesterday,” you tried waving her off.

“How much extra?”

Your silence gave it away.

“Did you spend all night in the gym?” she exclaimed, “Do you not remember what happened last time that happened? You were in the hospital for two whole days!”

You winced at her words. “I’m sorry, Sera. I just really need to make the debut group,” you sighed.

Your best friend engulfed you in a hug, “Don’t stress! We’re getting in together!”

A week has passed, and you were finally safe under the weight limit. The anxiety of possibly debuting was pushed aside as you spent your hours awake producing, arranging, and practicing music. You’ve been so caught up in work, you didn’t realize you were staring into space for a solid five minutes in the corner of the dance studio.

“Y/N?” Jisung called your name for the sixth time as he waved his hands in front of your face, “You good, fam?”

“Y-yeah, I just find out if I debut today or not,” you said, trying to shake the nervousness out of your voice, “Nothing major.” You cleared your throat, “Anyways, what are you doing here? Thought you were still working in the recording studio.”

Jisung sat down next to you, “I finished earlier than expected and wanted to check on you. Chan-hyung mentioned you were finding out if you debut today. Don’t be too nervous, Y/N!” He gave you a bright smile causing you to send him one right back. “There’s that pretty smile,” he said softly, “Don’t let it fade away, Y/N, things will work out for you.”

“Thanks, Jisung,” you replied, your voice barely over a whisper. The air shifted between the two of you. The loud banter usually exchanged between you two was replaced by a softness characterized by lingering looks and bashful smiles. “Um,” you broke the silence awkwardly, “I better head to the meeting room now.”

Jisung stood up first and held out his hand for you. Slowly, you extended your hand and allowed for him to help you up. “Good luck, Y/N,” Jisung said, his hand still clasped around yours.

“Thank you, Jisung,” you slipped your hand out of his after, “I’ll let you know what happens!”

“We’ll be announcing the girls debuting today,” Ms. Kim announced.

“Kim Sera, main dancer,” Mr. Park said. Your best friend burst into a wide grin, bowing and thanking the trainers profusely.

“Kwon Hyorin, main rapper, and Lee Suji, lead rapper,” Ms. Kim read off from the list. The two girls smiled and thanked the trainer.

“Lee Minju, lead dancer,” Mr. Park added, “You worked hard in this past year.” The young girl smiled in reply and softly thanked him.

“Lee Haeun, main vocal & visual,” Ms. Kim said. The girl beamed proudly and thanked the trainers also. “Those are the only girls debuting. Hopefully you all can pick a leader for yourself; we’ll inform you of the group name in a couple of days. Good work, girls.”

It was like the world came crashing down. You bowed respectively to the trainers as they left the room, but your feet wouldn’t budge from your spot. The whispers started around you as the girls eyed you strangely.

“How’d she not make it again?”

“Just look at her body? How could anyone looking like that debut?”

“God, it must suck to be her right now.”

“Y/N, you alright?” Sera asked. She was already ready to engulf you in a big hug. You allowed her to comfort you for a bit before pulling away.

“I have to go practice,” you muttered, “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Did you hear?” Felix asked the guys scattered on the floor of the dance studio; their heavy breaths fogging up the mirror after hours of choreo practice.

“Hear what?” Seungmin asked.

“Y/N didn’t make the debut group.”

The sound of a water bottle crashing to the ground rung throughout the studio. The guys looked up to see Jisung standing in shock, a pool of water forming around his feet.

“What?” the rapper asked, “What do you mean she didn’t make it? She was practically leading the whole girl trainee group for the past five years!”

Felix just shrugged. “It’s JYP. When is he never a snake?”

The light guitar strums and snaps of “I Like Me Better” played over the speaker as you moved fluidly with the music. You kept your eyes trained on the mirror, making sure your expressions matched the tone of the song and that your limbs didn’t look too forced or stiff while you moved through the choreography.

“Y/N?”

You almost tripped over your own feet at Jisung’s voice.

“H-hey, what are you doing here so late?” you asked, scurrying over to the speaker to shut the music off.

“I wanted to check on you, and I figured you’d be in here.”

“Well, here I am,” you said with an awkward flourish.

“You alright?” Jisung approached apprehensively, stopping only a foot in front of you. You looked over at the stereo as you nodded in reply, but his eyes stayed in the same soft, worried way they had been since he’d entered the room.

“I got cut, Jisung.” Your voice was barely over a whisper, but he could still pick up on the little tremor at the end of his name.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he put his hand on your arm, “It’s alright, Y/N. C’mere.” He wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you closer to him. You looped your arms around his waist and buried your face into his shoulder. Jisung’s words of comfort wafted through your ears, an absent-minded hum to the overwhelming feeling of weight pressing on your chest.

“I’ve just worked so hard,” you cried into his shoulder, “And I don’t know what else I can do.” Jisung tentatively lifted his hand to run them through your hair soothingly. “What if this is my best, and I’m never going to get good enough to debut?”

“Hey, Y/N,” he held you at arm’s length now, “I can 100% assure you that you are worth way more than what those trainers picked, okay?” A small grinned played on his lips. “I swear that I’m not lying to you when I say you’re the most talented trainee in this whole damn company. It’s just,” he paused, “Sometimes the opportunity we think we missed is just something that will open a door for us later on in life. Don’t beat yourself up over this, Y/N. Prove them wrong. Show them that you’re meant to debut.”

You let out a derisive scoff. “I think they made it obvious I’m not debuting.”

“Talk to Momo-sunbae, Felix, Minho-hyung, and maybe you’d get a different answer. Trust me, Y/N. I think you are perfectly awesome just the way you are, and I know most of your peers know that too.”

You went back into his arms for another hug. There was always something about Jisung that made you feel safe and sound. Maybe it was the warmth he emitted whenever he came in contact with you, arms snuggly wrapped around your figure. Maybe it was the way his voice made the back of your neck tingle just a bit when he lowered his voice to give you words only meant for your ears. Or maybe it was just him. Jisung. The guy that’s been by your side since he joined JYP.

“Thanks, Jisung,” you murmured, pulling yourself back just a bit. From this angle, you realized exactly how expressive his eyes were. It was as if he was pouring every single one of his thoughts into his gaze.

“No problem, Y/N.” Neither of you had let go yet. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?” Your voice was breathier than intended.

“You feeling better?” He was already leaning down.

“Yeah.” You decided to meet him halfway; your lips meeting in the middle. Was it awkward? Yes. But did you hate it? No. Jisung brought his hand up to cradle you cheek, trying to figure exactly what to do with his hands. Suddenly you pulled away. “What about the cameras?” you asked, wanting to kill yourself for pulling such a rookie mistake.

“Blind spot.” Jisung gestured to the cameras, “They don’t catch this corner for some reason.”

“Thank god,” you sighed, “So we can continue.”

“W-what?” Jisung’s eyes blew up comically.

“C’mon, Romeo, you’re the one that took advantage of an emotionally wrecked girl,” you teased.

“Hey, weren’t you the one that kissed me?”

You wrapped your arms around his neck. “Just shut up and kiss me before I get sad again,” you replied, laughter threatening to spill past your lips.

“Did you finish my arrangement?” Haeun questioned you one day in the hallway.

“Yeah, I sent it to you, like, 20 minutes ago?” you replied.

“Awesome! I’m planning on using it for the pre-debut showcase. They’re letting all of us have our own solo stages to showcase our individual talents!”

Ah yes, another twist in the knife already impaled in your heart. “Sounds great, Haeun,” you gritted.

“Plus, I’m going to the salon tomorrow. I heard they’re going to dye my hair blonde for debut! Do you think the managers will let me dye it another color?” Hauen pouted. “I heard all the visuals nowadays get natural hair colors while their members get weird ones.”

You were six steps away from throttling the poor girl.

“Haeun! Help Minju with her vocal warm-ups!” You had never been so glad to hear Sera’s voice.

“Thanks, Sera,” you uttered as Haeun pranced away from you.

“Anything to get rid of that brat,” Sera joked before looking at you with concern. “You okay, Y/N?”

“Yeah, I’m just getting some background work done. Ya know, arranging and producing and all that.”

“I heard you’re composing our debut track,” Sera said with a wry smile.

“Yeah, composing, writing, producing,” you counted them off on your fingers. “Make this debut lit, Sera. I’ve always wanted to swim in a pool of money from all my royalties,” you jested.

Your best friend hesitantly smiled right back. “I swear I will, Y/N. I’ll make you proud!”

“Again,” you demanded into the microphone. Haeun readjusted her headphones before belting out the bridge again. You winced at the strained quality of her voice. “It’s fine for now, next up is Sera.”

You were used to this already. In the weeks leading up to the showcase, you were tasked with ensuring the success of the girl group’s music. Funny how JYP could trust you with the future of his next big thing, but he couldn’t trust you to be in his next big thing. Time ticked away quickly as you settled into your zone. That was until an incessant cough kept snapping you out of it.

“Do you need water, Haeun?” you inquired.

“I’ve got some,” she said.

“Then drink it.” You returned your attention back to Minju standing in the recording booth. “We can’t have you getting sick when the showcase is next week.”

“I know,” Haeun replied matter-of-factly. “I’m going to rest my voice for the rest of the day,” she got up off of the couch, “Am I dismissed?”

You waved her off. “Don’t forget to drink warm water with honey and lemon, you brat!” The girl might be growing on you.

Hauen rolled her eyes at your advice.

Okay, maybe not.

Recording goes by smoothly, and you find yourself burning the midnight oil as you work on mixing all the components together. However, you kept on being pulled back to the bridge of the song, wrinkling your nose at how the audio sounded no matter how much you tweaked it. You were so engrossed in your work that you didn’t notice a certain someone sneak up behind you.

“Boo,” Jisung whispered, tapping on your shoulder. You jolted in surprise before turning around to see his grinning face.

“Not funny, Jisung.” You scowled at him.

“C’mon, Y/N, don’t give me that face.” He poked your cheek, but you continued to glare at him. “I won’t do it again?” he offered.

“Fine,” you sighed before turning back to your work. “What do you want?”

“Just wanted to see what you were up to at,” he turned to look at the clock, “1:34am.” You didn’t verbally reply, instead handing him the headphones you were wearing earlier. He placed them over his ears, and you played him the rough mix. Jisung bobbed his head along to the beat, smiling at a really cool switch up you did in the second chorus, and then wincing when he got to that part in the bridge.

“It’s bad isn’t it?” you grimaced, taking the headphones back from him after the song ended.

“No! The song is good! It’s just,” he paused, “whoever is singing the high note and adlibs during the bridge sounds really strained.”

“Yeah, the main vocal’s throat hasn’t been in the best shape, and the company wants the song to be pretty much perfect in two days, but I can’t get her to redo her recording of the bridge part because I really don’t want her to mess up her throat even more.” You slammed your head down on the table and let out a frustrated groan. “I don’t know what I should do.”

“Why don’t you just do the high note and adlib recording and mix it in?” Jisung inquired. His voice was so soft, you barely heard him say it.

“What?”

“Well, it’s just a high note and adlib, right? Your voice shouldn’t be too distinct? Plus, it’ll get the recording done just in time for the company’s deadline?”

You mulled over his words for a second. Maybe it’ll work? Your mind couldn’t pull up any other solutions, so you found yourself standing in the recording booth, belting out the notes with ease. Jisung manned the recording equipment, giving you a thumbs up whenever you hit a high note perfectly. For the first time since the debut group was announced, you were genuinely smiling. It felt so good to be able to sing out to your heart’s content, knowing that it’ll end up being heard by thousands of people.

“Was it good?” you asked Jisung once you stepped out of the booth.

“Good? That was the best I’ve heard you sing since you joined this company,” he teased.

“Gotta make sure the girls do well. Even if it means someone else taking credit for my work,” you stated. Jisung frowned at your words.

“What? No! Just let the company know that you sang the high notes and adlibs since the main vocal was sick. I’m sure they’ll give you credit.” He sounded extremely unsure on his last statement.

“And completely expose the main vocal for not doing the main vocal’s job?” you snorted. “It’s fine, Jisung. This is just a one time thing.”

You had lied to yourself that night. It was definitely not a one time thing. This was being proven to you just this second as the stylists fitted you in an outfit probably worth ten times more than you ever will. How exactly did you get to this moment?

“Haeun is sick,” Ms. Kim stated the Friday you presented the debut track to the board, “We just rushed her into the hospital last night.”

“What are we going to do?” Sera asked, stepping into her appointed leader position, “Our pre-debut showcase is Monday. How can we perform if our main vocal is sick? We didn’t even record the pre-recorded tracks yet for our stages!”

“We can always just delay the showcase? Cite that our main vocal had fallen ill due to overworking herself,” a board member proposed.

“How can we do that when the girl’s stricken with Mono?” Ms. Kim snapped, “She wasn’t even working that hard!”

“We also can’t delay it since our fans have been excited for this for weeks now,” Sera chimed in, “We might get a lot of backlash for this.”

“What do you propose we do then?” Mr. Park asked.

“Why don’t we just have a stand-in for Haeun?” Ms. Kim said in all seriousness, “Have some trainee do her part during the showcase; we’ll just have Haeun pre-record her introduction part or any other speaking parts for the showcase.”

“What trainee has the same vocal prowess as Haeun? Same build? You can use make-up all you want, but you can’t copy Haeun’s natural looks and talent,” a board member countered.

“If you throw a cap over anyone’s head, their face is 95% covered,” Minju threw in.

“But who can we use as a stand-in?”

“Why not, Y/N?” Ms. Kim inquired, gesturing towards you. “She is one of the strongest vocal trainees in our company, and she’s been extremely involved with the debut group’s production, so she knows all of the setlist in terms of music and choreography.”

“Aren’t their voices different?”

“If you thought the high note and adlibs in the debut track were Haeun, I’m here to inform you that you should retract your statement right this instant.” Her voice was strangely cold when she reprimanded that board member. It was weird to have the usually stoic teacher be by your side. “It’s settled then. Y/N will fill in for Haeun during the showcase.”

You stared at yourself in the mirror. It was strange to see yourself dolled up: your eyes smudged with peachy eye shadow and glitter, your lips tinted a pretty pink, and your hair slightly curled. It was also strange to see yourself wearing something other than a hoodie and training shorts; the peach blouse and high-waisted white shorts combo made you look way prettier than you could imagine. It was almost like you were going to debut. Almost.

“Ready?” Sera asked, handing you the white cap you’d be sporting during the showcase.

“To pass my voice off as Haeun’s? Ready as I’ll ever be.”

The showcase went without a hitch. You easily lip-synced along to Haeun’s pre-recorded talking segments, flowed along to the choreography, and belted out the lyrics to Haeun’s parts in all the songs. You were showered with the thunderous applause and cheers of the fans that had filled the theater. However, your smile faltered when you heard exactly what they were cheering.

“Haeun! Haeun! Haeun!”

That’s right. It wasn’t you they were cheering for. It’s the girl you’re pretending to be that they’re cheering for.

“Awesome work, Y/N,” Sera said, giving you a high five once the group filed off of the stage. You forced on a smile in return and handed your headset to the stagehand.

“Good work, everyone!” you said while bowing to each person respectively before ripping the white cap off of your head.

“Haeun is just sooooooo good!”

“Can we talk about Queen Haeun’s high note during her solo? Your fave could never!”

“Can’t wait for her debut!”

The fancams for the showcase had been released onto the internet, and the netizens were ready. You scrolled past comment after comment praising “Haeun’s” talent: proud that your voice brought about such a positive reaction, bitter that it was Haeun getting all the praise.

“Hey Y/N!” You didn’t even bother to look up.

“Hey, Jisung,” you mumbled. Your eyes were still glued to your phone screen, thumbs scrolling absentmindedly as you poured over the seemingly endless comments.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, brows furrowing together in concern. You just held out your phone for him. He plopped down next to you on the floor and took your phone from your hands. “I don’t see the problem? It looks like the public is excited for the girl group’s debut?”

“Play the video,” you deadpanned. At this point, you leaned your head against his shoulder. Jisung stiffened beneath the sudden contact but obliged.

It wasn’t even a minute in before he went, “Oh shit.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s you.”

“I know.” You readjusted your head on his shoulder and interlocked your fingers with his.

“Y/N, what are you doing?” he stuttered out. Cheeks flushing at the sudden amount of contact you were enacting with him.

“I’m upset, and you’re always here when I’m an emotional mess, so accept the fact you’re now my source of comfort,” you grumbled while snuggling into his side.

“I’m your source of comfort, huh?” Jisung asked with a stupidly cheeky smile.

“Don’t make me say it again, you fool. I’m upset right now, and you don’t want me to get more upset,” you warned.

“Yeah, I know.” He sat with you in silence for a good five minutes before saying something. “What are you going to do? With this whole ‘Haeun is getting all the credit for your work’ thing?”

“I don’t know,” you mumbled, “The company’s gonna kick me out if I say anything since I’d be slandering the upcoming group. Plus, this is a one time thing, so I guess I’ll be fine?”

“But you deserve to be in the debut group if they keep making you do all of her work!” Jisung countered. For once in your life, you heard Jisung sound angry.

“What do you expect me to do?” you cried. Your head was no longer on his shoulder.

“I don’t know, Y/N!” he shot back. His expression immediately softened when he realized you were tearing up.

“You don’t think I’ve already tried everything, Jisung,” you whimpered. “The board threatened to kick me out of the company if I say anything about this.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” He engulfed you in a hug. “I’m not angry at you, Y/N. I’m just angry at the company for treating you this way.” He could feel his shirt getting wet from the tears you were shedding. “It’s okay, Y/N. Just let it out. We’ll fix this.”

You didn’t know exactly what Jisung meant when he said those words until exactly two days later. You had awoken to your phone being bombarded with texts from Sera (she had not had her phone revoked just yet).

Sera - “Y/N CHECK WHAT’S TRENDING!!!!!!!!!”

You groggily rubbed your eyes before pulling up the link Sera just sent you. Suddenly you found yourself fully awake. You jolted upright, proceeding to bump your head against the ceiling, and scrolled through the article detailing the truth behind the pre-debut showcase.

“Hi everyone,

I don’t know where else I can put this, so I decided to put it here. So everyone know JYP is debuting a new girl group, and they had their first talent showcase recently. Well, I have some information to share. The main vocal debuting isn’t the main vocal that sang at the showcase. They used a different trainee to sing her part since the main vocal fell ill. I wanted to let everyone know that the main vocal can sing, but it hurts me to see her get credit for someone else’s work.

Everyone might be wondering how I know this. I’ve been working at JYP for a very long time now, and I personally know both girls involved in this situation. Thank you for reading my post; I just wanted to get it off of my chest.”

Oh shit.

You scrolled through the thousands of comments on this post. A good portion were of netizens demanding proof or calling the OP a liar, but the majority of them seemed to have believed the OP, demanding JYP to release a statement. Your phone then buzzed, indicating you received another text.

Ms. Kim - “Come to the office now.”

You sat in front of the debut team’s board members, furiously gnawing on your lower lip.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” the man sitting at the head of the table.

“I didn’t post it, sir,” you meekly replied, “I don’t know who did.” He simply scoffed at your reply, but Ms. Kim stepped in.

“We checked the IP address of where the post came from, and it was traced to an internet cafe. Y/N was in the practice room at the time of the post according to our security cameras,” she stated. She glanced over to you for a split second before turning back to the board member. “For now, we can deny all allegations. The post never gave verified evidence of them being part of JYP to back up their claim.” The board murmured amongst themselves for a couple minutes before agreeing and letting you go.

Once you exited the meeting room, you stormed towards the dance studio, knowing very well who’d be there.

“Y/N?” Jisung asked in surprise when he heard the door slam open.

“Why would you do something so stupid?” you retorted, stomping up to him. “I could’ve been kicked out of the agency because of what you did!”

“I-I’m sorry, Y/N, but I couldn’t just sit around while the company screws you over!”

“Why does it matter, Jisung? Why does it matter so much to you what happens to me?”

“Well, I don’t know, Y/N! If you hadn’t noticed from all the kissing and touching we do, I actually do care about you a lot, and I’m so sick and tired of you being treated like you don’t matter because, well, you do matter!” He turned away from you and lets out a resigned sigh. “You matter a hell of a lot to me,” he mumbled before brushing past you and leaving the room.

The mess died down in the following handful of days after JYP denied all allegations of a stand-in singer for upcoming debut group’s main vocal. You continued through your normal routine: practice in the morning, working with the debut group for the rest of your day, and more practice in the late nights. It was a numbing process really. Sera was so busy preparing for debut that you couldn’t pull her aside for a chat like you used to. Chan no longer needed your help with producing since he was in the final process of completing Stray Kids’ recording. And Jisung, well, Jisung’s been avoiding you since that day in the dance studio. Life was slowly reverting back to normal, until another storm came your way.

There was another post trending this time. Another accusation towards JYP for using a stand-in vocalist. However, this one was different. This one had proof.

“Hi everyone,

I’m a different OP from last time, but I felt like I had to share this. I’ve been working for JYP for a very long time now, and I’m disappointed to see them try to cover up something like this. Honestly, they used a stand-in vocalist, another trainee, for their debut group’s main vocalist, and I have proof.

Linked to this post is a video I compiled. It compares the voice of the girl at the showcase to the voice of the debut group’s main vocalists. You can easily hear the difference in timbre and how they hit the high notes. It then compares the voice of the girl at the showcase with the voice of the best vocal trainee in our company. Hear how their voices are identical? Hopefully this clears everything up, thank you for reading.

P.S. The comparison recordings are from their most recent monthly evaluation.”

You could barely believe your eyes once you scrolled down to the comments.

“Oh my god, I knew JYP was a snake, but I didn’t know he was this much of a snake.”

“#JYPISCANCELLED Can’t believe they’d do smth like this smh”

“Why won’t they debut the other girl??? She’s so good!!’

The last comment caused you to tear up, but the tears overflowed once you realized that person wasn’t the only one with those sentiments.

“Please debut mystery girl!”

“#mysterygirldebut”

“Just debut the other girl @snekyp”

“What are we going to do now?” the head board member asked, “Our stocks are decreasing, and the interest for the upcoming girl group is too! And it’s all because of her!” He pointed an accusatory finger at you.

“I didn’t do anything, sir,” you replied calmly.

“It’s true,” another board member chimed in, “The IP address doesn’t match Y/N’s location when the post was published.”

“She could’ve queued it!” someone else chimed it.

“This isn’t Tumblr. You can’t just queue posts.”

“Well then,” the head member grumbled, “what are we going to do?”

“Listen to the people of course,” Ms. Kim spoke up for the first time since the meeting had started, “Put her in the debut group.” You swear you could’ve heard a pin drop after her statement.

“What now?”

“Put her in the debut group,” Ms. Kim said matter-of-factly, “People want her to debut. If we debut her, we’d appease the public, and the debut group will get a good boost after this ‘publicity’ stunt.” The board looked as equally shocked as you did. “Am I wrong?”

“I don’t see how it could hurt…” the head member murmured, mulling over the proposal.

“According to my calculations, we’d have an 154% increase in interest from the general public if she debuts in the group. We could sell it off as an underdog story. ‘Rising up to the challenge when a friend falls ill,’” another board member chimed in. You cringed at the cheesy underdog story they were trying to give you, but you kept your mouth shut. You might actually get to debut.

“Well, I think we all know the answer here, gentlemen,” Ms. Kim said. She then turned to you. “Looks like you’ll be debuting, Y/N.”

“Jisung!” you exclaimed, barreling through the dance studio door. Unsurprisingly, he was there sitting on the floor next to the stereo.

“Y/N?” He got up onto his feet.

“You’re an idiot, I swear to god, Han Jisung,” you said, marching up to him. You stopped right in front of him, toe to toe. “But you’re an idiot with a giant heart that’s way too big for me to handle, and you do stupid things because you believe they’re the right thing to do, and I want to thank you so much for being my big idiot because I’m debuting!”

Jisung could only stare at you in shock as the words began to register in his brain. Suddenly, he breaks out into a grin and wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you up and twirling you around. “Hell yeah you’re debuting!” he cheered. You giggled at the excitement that paints the entirety of his face.

“I’m so sorry for being such a ass about the whole thing, Jisung,” you said once he placed you back onto the ground, “I was just so scared about what would happen to you if they found out.”

“Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t ask for your consent to post it first. I should’ve thought about what would happen to you once I post the truth.”

“Now that we’re done apologizing,” you paused to pull him down by the collar to your face-level, “I want to give you my thanks.” You pressed your lips against his softly. Jisung quickly threw away his shock and molded his lips with yours before breaking out into a small smile.

“Wait, what about the cameras?” he mumbled, pulling away slightly.

“Blind spot,” you replied cheekily, “Now are you going shut your mouth and kiss me?”

“Happily.”

After a good twenty minutes of making out with Jisung, you found yourself cuddled into his side whilst sprawled across the dance studio’s floor.

“Jisung?” you asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Hm?”

“How exactly did you get the footage from my monthly evaluation?”

The boy turned to give you a cheeky little grin. “Let’s just say I’m not the only person that really wanted you to debut,” he hinted.

“Oh really now?” You cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Yup. A certain Ms. Kim was very adamant about sharing the monthly evaluation videos with me for some odd reason.”

“Oh my god, you’re joking.”

“Dead serious. Now I think I need another thank you present for pulling that off,” he teased while puckering his lips.

“Shut up or else I’m never kissing you again,” you replied with an eye roll. Jisung’s hands find themselves on your torso, and they pull you towards him. Your eyes widened at the sudden movement. “Jisung!”

“Take it back,” he pouted.

“You’re such a baby!”

“Take it back!”

“Never!” you replied, trying very hard to hide your smile.

“Fine then, you leave me no choice.” Jisung pressed his lips against your neck. You freeze at the sudden contact, but instantly tried squirming away once he blew a raspberry against your skin.

“Jisung!” you screeched while futilely trying to escape his grasp.

“Take it back!” You could practically hear the laughter in his voice.

“Fine! Fine! I take it back!” The raspberries ceased, and he turned you to face him. Jisung looked at you expectantly. You only let out a sigh before leaning in and placing a kiss on his lips. “Happy now?”

“That my girl is debuting and just gave me a kiss? Definitely. I’m definitely happy.”

A/N: omfg that was so long lmao. Also sorry if it was more reader centric than romance with Jisung centric I guess? Idk I really liked writing this fic, so I hope you enjoyed!

#stray kids #kpopwritingnet #han jisung #stray kids han #stray kids han jisung #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #han jisung imagines #han jisung scenarios #han imagines #han scenarios #3racha #3racha imagines #3racha scenarios

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kaitkerrigan · 6 years

Text

HOW TO RETURN HOME - The Millennial Problem

I really pushed myself into a corner this weekend when I promised a teacher that I’d write about “How to Return Home”. Most of you don’t know the history of this song, which is a pandora’s box.

I’ve long been planning to write a post about THE FRESHMAN EXPERIMENT. At the time of conception, this is how we defined it:

living musical ['liv[ng] 'myü-zi-k&l]

a musical based on the lives of living people

a musical existing in real time

a musical created on the internet by the award-winning writing team Kerrigan and Lowdermilk based on the lives of two young bloggers as they share the story of their freshman years of college

I’ll leave it at that for now and come back to this in depth in another post.

ChristineCoke, the handle of one of the freshman writers, was an incredible voice. She wrote these earnest and beautiful posts that flowed into some of my favorite songs that we’ve ever written: Last Week’s Alcohol My Heart Is Split (and you guessed it) How to Return Home.

It’s funny how memory works. I had created a fiction about exactly what we got from ChristineCoke when she first wrote about going back to her home for Thanksgiving break, but I just went back to our website archive and found this (and everything else you’re about to dig into):

I pulled my luggage into a house that is exactly how I’d left it - dirty and empty with a silence that gently hummed in my ears. There was no one to greet me so I ran up the stairs calling out the names of my siblings and mothers. More silence and peeling wallpaper.

And this is how I wanted to return home. My barefeet sliding along the wood floors as my cat criss crosses her way through my legs. To sit on my bed and wrap myself up in the thin blanket that could barely warm me during the winter months. Slowly, I came back into a place that I hadn’t truly thought about until I was five minutes away.

Eventually my brothers and sisters came filtering in and our home had a pulse again. Then Mamajay came and I ran to her before she had time to open the door.

I had a three minute fight with my brother today. It feels great to be here.

A couple weeks after this first post, Brian posted this - with audio that I can’t find:

hey it’s brian. so i wrote this thing while i was home for thanksgiving and didn’t have a chance to post it until now. i played it for kait at some point and she was pretty underwhemed - possibly for good reason. the lyrics aren’t great, and they depart a lot from what CC was talking about. but this is emotionally what spoke to me, and i think the music might be interesting. (sidebar: lots of time kait and i start out with a song that i write music and lyrics to and then she swoops in and redoes the lyric) So these may be dummy lyric, and i may also just start from scratch musically on something else. Particularly because while I was home for t-giving my sister and i listened to a lot of dashboard confessional. so in addition to a) being a song fragment and b) not very good, this is also potentially c) a little too much like a dashboard song. wow. yea. but i definitely think there’s something to be done w/ the phrase “How To Return Home.” And this is certainly something…

“I’m pulling my luggage into a house that is dirty and empty A house that is just how I’d left it Dirty and empty and silent. A silence that’s gently humming in my ears. And I’m waiting for you to come rush down the stairs. I’m calling, I’m waiting, I’m watching the driveway. Hoping that something is still the same. I’m calling, I’m calling your name.

I guess I’m learning How long I’ve been gone I guess I’d forgotten I miss these walls Now I’m relearning everything All about silence And how to return home”

Brian says I was underwhelmed but it was a long time ago, so I don’t actually remember. Isn’t it weird to imagine the songs that never were? I bet that my response was more to the music than to the lyric. As he said, I often would change the lyrics anyway. I do remember both of us really struggling over how to use the hook. How do you put “how to return home” into a sentence. It sounds like a recipe title, not a song hook. I remember really arguing over how it could function in the song.

Anyway, the next significant step was Brian again and this wasn’t until February (so I bet we had some off-line conversations):

Okay, so here’s a new version of How To Return Home I’m trying, music first. There’s a PDF and a terrible scratch vocal of me singing. Not sure how much this will mean to anyone, but hopefully Kait will write some lyrics - and then the whole thing will mean a bit more!Happy February everybody…

He posted music that is EXACTLY the music that makes up the verse and chorus of the song now. That is magic to me. It’s one thing to piece together the perfect words, but to somehow knit together the language of a melody into something iconic and memorable - and in one go? How do you do that???

Then the writing started to pick up speed. A week later also in February I posted this:

Here are the lyrics to at least the first draft of the beginning of “How to Return Home”:

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards, Home at last and silent but still you’re shaken, like walking into a museum, somehow out of time. It’s all the same except the girl in the hallway, Where she’s been and who she will ripen into, Your childhood’s on the other side of a gulf to damn wide to climb.

Take silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. It’s the only way you’ll get through this holiday. Count the hours. Pick some flowers. Make a nice bouquet.

Clearly, the dumby lyrics come at the end, but I’m still not sure about the entire chorus. I’m kind of thinking that it probably changes based on whatever happens at the end of the chorus. Plus, it has to work throughout the song, right Bri? This probably doesn’t change each time since it’s such a pop chorus. Perhaps 2 lines change - the “it’s the only way to get through…” which I would assume will change too. And I’m pretty sold that we want something more like “get through this day” with the three notes on day.

Anyway, this is where the song is at currently. Updates to arrive throughout the weekend. I think I’ll have the whole thing done by Sunday or Monday at the latest.

You guys, this is where you get to see our baby pictures - or my baby pictures. I vlogged this lyric in 2008, so quite literally ten years ago. Kudos for me for not giving a good goddamn about my hair or anything. This was before the days of vloggers really. We were early adopters to be sure and so I had little awareness of the idea that looking presentable might be, er, helpful to our cause.

youtube

Oh my god, did you watch it? Those pre-mac days were rough, let me tell you. We definitely hadn’t figured out how to use the hook yet. A week or two off-line, where we inevitably went back and forth on that hook (and the occasional pop-misaccent of “how to REturn home” which gave me agitas). But here comes another draft on March 1st in a post called “HOW TO REVISE”:

I feel pretty good about this one. I’m not going to sing it for you today - unless I miraculously learn how to play the guitar (doubtful). My changed lines are in italics.

Before you read on, I feel like I need to say something about perfect rhymes. I’ve been thinking about them a lot because this song both begs for them and also eschews them if they aren’t precisely what you mean. So I’ve definitely struck a bit of a deal with them - borrowing from pop, country, folk, and musical theater to figure out what to do where. But as I thought about these things and did my research, I’ve come to the conclusion that perfect rhymes are having a resurgence. Surprising, I know. Nothing ever seemed more lame or unlikely until lyrics became virtually unmemorizable and rap reclaimed rhyme’s significance. In addition to the rappers (too many to mention but Eminem and Blackalicious still being among some of my favorites for clever - without sacrificing meaning for the sake of - rhyme), the popularity of Fiona Apple, Regina Spektor, and new to my itunes line up Vampire Weekend (thanks Rachel Lowdermilk!) all mark a significant upswing in real rhyming’s trendiness. Of course, none of these writers act like hall monitors on the subject. We musical theater writers still have that all to ourselves - remarkably we act like narcs about it whether pro or con.

Now, back to the previously scheduled reveal of new lyrics! I think this is really fun to sing Brian’s melody. We will, of course, test drive sometime this week.

How to Return Home

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards, Home just as you left it but still you’re shaken, like walking into a museum somehow out of time. It’s all the same except the girl in the hallway, Where she’s been and who she will ripen into, Your childhood’s on the other side of a sprawling divide… too wide.

Take silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. Take your bags upstairs. It’s the only way you’ll get through today. Count the hours. Take a shower. Wash yourself away.

The house is pulsing with an alien heartbeat, Was it always here but you never listened? It’s calling you to be the girl that you were way back then… again.

Take a silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. Take your bags upstairs. Put away your clothes, take it nice and slow.

Be their daughter. Nothing’s harder when nobody knows

How to return home, and how to survive, There’s no written guidelines. How to go back, How to show up and unpack. How to show up.

How to grow up. How to take a breath. Take a silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. Take your bags upstairs. You still share a name

But you’re not the same. You don’t fight now. You don’t hide now. It’s a whole new way of how to return home.* How to return home. How to return home.

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards, home just as you left it but still you’re shaken.

*I originally had “It’s a whole new game. How to return home.” Which I’m pretty sure I don’t like but sometimes I get something right and then go straight past it. This adds a pick up before the “how” but I think the meaning is much better and it’s a little less played out / more unexpected and leads to a better conclusion for the song. The only other thing that I tried and rejected is replacing “Take a shower. Wash yourself away.” with “Only hours. Teach yourself to pray.”

Thoughts?

It’s nice and rare when you get a resounding yes to the thing you made. How sweet to have that back and forth captured in the comments:

BRIAN: wow that’s gorgeous. i’ll write more, and probably sing it back to everyone either later tonight or tomorrow morning. amazing work, kait. KAIT: Maybe tomorrow after the cap thing? I’ll bring my camera. Maybe they’ll let us steal a piano for a bit? BRIAN: since we had plans for natalie weiss to make a recording for us anyway, want to ask her to do this? later this week? and yes, let’s record tomorrow. this thing f-ing rocks. KAIT: Maybe. Let’s mull it over as we sing through it today.

Oh, Brian and Kait, you so-n-sos. Always so on brand. Kait ever cautiously low-key, Brian so deeply enthusiastic and raring to go.

Do you care about any of this? All of this is about how a song got written, not about how it landed itself as a center piece of THE BAD YEARS. What is THE BAD YEARS? A song cycle? An immersive house party? Both? What does that have to do with the alien heartbeat of this house and ChristineCoke?

Everything. “How To Return Home” found its way into a song cycle we made called TALES FROM THE BAD YEARS, which was the brainchild of a conversation that we had with a licensing company that wanted us to make something commercial that could go directly to licensing. Would that not have been lovely? It didn’t pan out. But the idea that we hit - to write a show about the people around us - the generation of millennials who would never fulfill their parents’ American Dream, did pan out and evolve.

“How To Return Home” was always one of the songs that felt like a linchpin to these songs and as we built it out, it became something that parents of millennials would hear and grab us by the arm and say “Thank you for telling me what my daughter is going through. She just moved back in after college.” We realized that in writing something a bit broader than just about coming home for Thanksgiving break, we were writing about the larger lack of employment after college, the depression of a generation who didn’t have the opportunities that they assumed they’d have. We leaned into this.

When we had the opportunity to take TALES FROM THE BAD YEARS and turn it into an immersive house party, this song was both beguiling and bewildering. It does not take place at a house party. But the sensation of being at your family’s home in the center of a party can be beautifully transfixing. The song became a centerpiece for Rachel’s arc.

Rachel was an optimistic and ambitious millennial who’s surprised to discover that the world wasn’t waiting for her. She is one of the youngest at the party and she is just beginning to realize that she’s going to have to claw her way into the world rather than have it handed to her. In more recent drafts, the house has actually become more and more of a character. The history of the house is also oppressive. This is a place where some bad things happened and it’s going to be destroyed. But right now, Rachel is facing her own nostalgia smashed up against the glass of her reality.

Ultimately, “How to Return Home” is about the simple sensation of walking into a house after having grown up there and feeling like the whole place is smaller, different. The fun house affect of your reality having outgrown your childhood cocoon. I moved around a lot. I haven’t been back to a single place that I grew up except my grandmother’s house. Every time I walk in, I’m struck by how low the ceilings are, how small the kitchen is, how narrow that backyard that contained my fantasies is. Once upon a time, my whole world could fit inside that kitchen. I remember a graduation party (something that I also can barely believe ever happened - my grandmother entertaining) and sliding past adults through the back door to get to the refrigerator. But even as I say that, my memory is wavering. She remodeled her kitchen a few years ago and moved the back stairs and I have to consciously conjure that old set up. My memory has transformed to adjust to her new layout. I remember a couch that was long and s shaped in her music room. The room is so small. Where exactly did it go? Memory is so slippery but the visceral feelings you have when you return to a site of your childhood - especially the dark looming ones - is not. It’s immediate and pulsing and both familiar and alien at once.

The question of how to return home is really a question of how to hold onto your slippery sense of self when you’re just discovering who you are and I think the answer (or at least the answer that we landed on in this song) is mindfulness - mindfully telling yourself to breath, to hold in the things you know to be true about yourself in spite of all of the old neural pathways that are lighting up with triggers.

#musical theater #how to return home #natalie weiss #caissie levy #laura osnes #kerrigan lowdermilk #kait kerrigan #songwriting #new musical theater #the freshman experiment #freshx #behind the lyrics

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buffyisms-archive · 7 years

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Below are a list of extensions and how to use them to help you RP on Tumblr. Some of them pertain to help you write (grammer, ect.), some of them make your dash easier to manage, some help organize, some do other things! I use all of these in my everyday RPing and it seriously helps things so much. This has a huge portion on Xkit and all the Xkit extensions that are super helplful. The Xkit is at the bottom of the post, because Xkit is the most popular and well known. P.S. One thing I’ve struggled with is organizing and running multiple blogs on seperate accounts, so there will be quite a bit that will help you with that. P.P.S. I have posted this on my archived blog so it is better for viewing a long post than it is on my current theme.

SESSION BOX

Omg session box is MUST HAVE FOR RUNNING MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS. If you have ever wanted to be logged on to multiple accounts in the same browser, dude this is amazing. You can have one tab be one blog, and another tab be the other. Download it for Chrome here

STAY FOCUSED

is a chrome app that can make you stay focused on writing. It will block distracting websites. How I use it is when I need to do drafts, I will set it to block all websites except tumblr.com/blog/buffyisms/drafts (obvs replace buffyisms with your own url), it will even block the tumblr dash mode. You can set it for a time of day or a certain ammount of time. Download for Chrome

AUTO TEXT EXPANDER

is a chrome app that lets you type shortcuts and it will replace them with longer things. I find this extremely useful for QUICKLY TAGGING THINGS. I talk about different ways to quickly tag in my Xkit secotion below, but honestly I find this so much easier. It stores more and has more freedom. It is so useful if you use fancy tags, or if you have tons of character tags to remember. For example if I type ism in the tag box it will automatically replace it with ( & ⁱ'ᵐ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵗᵃˡᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ˢˡᵃʸᵉʳ. ⁱ'ᵐ ᵗᵃˡᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵇᵘᶠᶠʸ | ɪꜱᴍꜱ. )

WORD COUNTER

is an app that you can highlight a bit of text and right click and hit word counter and it will tell you how many words are in it. This is good if you want to match your partners reply and make sure yours ins’t too short, or long, or whatever. For example this paragraph has59 words. Download for chrome

NEW XKIT. AKA the HOLY FUCKIN’ GRAIL of tumblr roleplaying. Since Xkit has like five million things on it, I will be listing the Xkit extensions that help me with roleplaying, what they do, and how to use them. Seriously Xkit is God, and if you RP on a desktop/laptop I would HIGHLY recommend getting Xkit. First off all, you can download Xkit here for google chrome, they have Xkit for firefox as well. IMPORTANT: DOWNLOAD NEW XKIT NOT THE REGULAR XKIT AS IT DOESN’T WORK ANYMORE. YOU CAN’T HAVE BOTH AT ONCE. ONLY HAVE NEW XKIT INSTALLED.

XInbox What it does: Enables you to tag answer posts before you post them. This is amazing, and necessary if you use any kind of tagging system at all. Delete multiple asks in the mass editor mode. This is good if you are cleaning out your inbox or if tumblr fucks up and gives you multiple of the same ask someone sent you Tags usernames automatically aka it will tag any answer you publish with the askers username. This makes it so they can find it in their tracked url tag. Tags anonymous posts with a tag of your choosing if you have a certain tag for anons. Tags answer posts with a tag of your choosing if you have an answered tag. If you have different tags for ooc and ic asks I wouldn’t use this feature.

One click postage This is my favorite feature and I literally can’t be on tumblr without this anymore. In short what this does is create a hover pop up over any reblog button on dash so you can reblog straight from dash. You can use keyboard shortcuts to queue, draft, ect. Buttons to straight post reblog, queue, or draft post Creates a green already reblogged button to let you know that you may have already reblogged that post. Remove caption option and a box to replace caption

Tweaks This comes with every Xkit and is a huge list of any tweaks Xkit can give you. P.S. There are tons of tweaks and i’m not gonna list them all, just the ones that I use to help me RP. Wrap Tags so you can read all the tags someone uses on a post without it getting cut off. Show new post icons on secondary pages aka your blog page, your queue, your drafts, ect. You can create a new post from anywhere. Always show the move to top button on queue aka any post can be immediately moved to the top of the queue. Show the mass post editor and blog setting button

Anti Capitalism Gets rid of ads, which is amazing because none of us want them.

Blacklist This is a must have for anyone with triggers. This doesn’t just block tagged things, but it go through the text of a post for your trigger words. It has two options one is a warning for trigger word posts and the other will just not show them.

Editable Reblogs This is a MUST HAVE. This allows you to once again be able to cut posts, because no one likes a dash that has 32094380x replies and takes up the whole dash. Just click a little button and you can edit any part of a post. Including you’re partners reply, you’re previous reply. Also good for those little survey things so you can actually fill them in, or bold them, or whatever.

Notification Block This will block notifications from you’re activity page on a certain post. (Note: only works on the actual activity page and not the activity pop up.) If you’re like me and you make tons of ask box memes or little guides just like this one, you totally need this one. If you have a post that has become popular and ruined your activity so you can’t see the activity you actually need to see to RP, this will make it so it does not appear on you’re activity page if someone reblogs your post. This goes without saying, but don’t use this on thread posts that ya know, you actually need to see when someone reblogs it. Example, if this guide right here becomes popular I can make it so it doesn’t mess up my activity page. (although i’m posting it on my archive blog because my current blog has a theme that would make this harder to see). HUGE NOTE: To get this to work right you should have GO TO DASH installed (that I will talk about soon). So to get this to work, pull up the post on YOUR OWN BLOG and click the little hand. This will take it to the post on your dash. At the bottom with all the other buttons, there will be a button with a hand and a lightening bolt. Click this to stop all notifications for that certain post.

Outbox This saved your sent asks. It saves the last 50 of them. It saves both things you send people and private replies. Super good if you need to reference something with plotting or if you can’t remember if you sent that person the same meme.

Post Archiver This is a totally underrated Xkit extension. It is amazing if you have multiple RP accounts. It is also good for tons of other things too. So pretty much you can ‘save’ any post into the xkit archive popup. If you see a post you don’t want to reblog or queue yet, but don’t want taking up your drafts, you can click the button with a down arrow at the bottom of it and save it to Xkit’s Archiver. With multiple blogs I use this if I see a musing post or a meme that doesn’t work for the blog i’m on but I would love to use it for my other blog. You can have categories you can save to that helps organize your archived posts. I’ll have a category that will say ‘Buffy memes and musings’ and when I log on to Buffy I can view them and reblog them on her. This is also amazing to save resources. Any guides or anything you can use later on, save to the archiver and view them any time.

Post Block This is amazing if a post people reblog keeps on appearing on your dash and you don’t wnat to see it anymore. Pretty much makes it so you don’t have to see the post anymore

Quick Tags Dear God, this is another one of my life savers. This adds buttons to when you reblog or post a post, both in reblog from dash and normal reblog, to add tags that you choose. I will say that this only adds 30 tag bundles. But each tag bundle can contain tons of tags. Some people will add tons of tags to a bundle and delete the ones they don’t use. For me that’s too much. But to each their own. I use this for quick tagging musings, memes, character photos, promos, ooc posts, ect. With the click of a button it’s already tags. Amazing if you use fancy tags, or can’t remember all your tags.

Reblog Yourself Literally you can reblog yourself. Good for rebloggin your self promos

Tag Tracking Shows tags in sidebar to track. Essential for tracking your url tag and group verse tags.

View My Tags Another amazing thing to help you tag everything. You can use instead of or with quick tags. This shows you your most recent fifty tags. and you can search for certain ones. Because it does most recent tags, if you use this I would do frequent tag drops.

Bookmarker Adds a little line divider on your dash from the last thing you read. Great for lurking on the dash, it will tell you that you had already read (or sometimes havent read but last time you refreshed the dash) below that line.

Old Sidebar Returns tumblrs old sidebar. I love this because you can easily get to you posts, queue, drafts, ect.

Tag Replacer Must have if you redo your tags. You can put in your old tag and it will find everything tagged with that and automatically replace that tag with your new one. Amazing for redoing tags and maintaining blog organization.

Auto Tagger I use this to automatically tag certain kinds of posts. I.e. it will tag all queue posts with my queue tag, or all audio or video with a tag you have for those kind of posts.

Find Inactives Omg essential for cleaning your dash. it can find blogs that have been inactive for an ammount of months that you set. Unfortunately it can’t unfollow them for you, but finding them is like 3/4 of the battle! This will keep your following number to the people that are active on your dash

Enhanced Queue Totally freakin essential for anyone that uses the queue for anything, ‘specially if you queue replies. My favorite feature is shuffle queue. If you queue up a bunch of gif sets from a blog but don’t want them to come out one after another, or queue up replies but don’t want them all stacked up, you can shuffle the queue. Note: It will only shuffle the posts you have loaded. If you want the whole queue shuffled, scroll down until the end of the queue is loaded. On that note, if you have a large queue but don’t want some of your replies to end up coming out two weeks later, when you queue up your replies, only load one or two more times and then shuffle. That will keep them still in the front. Just don’t shuffle the whole thing after or it will redo that.

Hermes Underrated GOD of xkit. If you ever scroll through your dash for a long time, you will notice things starting to lag and it’s so freakin’ frustrating. This is because your browser still has to remember and keep loaded those posts from the start of your dash. Hermes makes all the posts you have already seen blank, so your browser doesn’t take as much memory to remember them and lessens dash lag.

Mass Deleter This will delete all your current drafts or likes. Now for the drafts, I don’t find that useful unless you are legit clearing out everything. I wish there was a way to toggle the draft button off because tbh it’s a scary button. But it has a confirmation pop up so don’t worry! On the other hand I love the delete all current likes. It keeps my likes more clean.

Shorten Posts Do long posts bother you on your dash? Whether they are memes or other peoples replies or whatever. But you don’t want them to completely disappear, because hey! you might need them. You can set a set pixel length and all posts will be shorten to that. You can click a button to expand the post to it’s original if you want to read the whole thing.

WEBSITES TO HELP YOU WITH THEME STUFF

Pictaculous you can upload your theme background or sidebar pictures and it will give you a color scheme to use on your blog

Screenfly is a site you can view your blog on different screen sizes to make sure it looks good on all screens. Includes ipad and mobile phones too.

Subtle Patterns by toptal has tons of subtle backgrounds that work with tiled backgrounds. Great for pop ups, or your theme background, or graphics, or really so much.

WEBSITES TO HELP WITH WRITING STUFF

Tone Analyzer is so freakin’ cool. Paste your writing or replies in, and it will tell you what emotions you emote in it. Not just which ones, but the percentage of each, and which phrases, sentences that have those certain emotions. It is just so freakin’ cool PS if you’re an angst queen like me, it’s just gonna say sad most of the time lmfao.

Grammerly is a google chrome app that can help you correct your grammer way better than the autopmatic spell corrector.

Readable is a website that you can paste your writing into and it will analyze it and tell you cliches you have, or if your sentences are too long, ect.

OTHER USEFUL/COOL WEBSITES TO HELP WITH RP

CopyPasteCharacter is great for all those symbols that you might need for anything. It has like all of them and by clicking on them you automatically copy them.

Aestheticizer this is great for any kind of fancy script. Put in words or sentences and it will convert them into any kind of fancy text. This is awesome if you use the new fancy tags trend because then you don’t have to copy and paste every character.

Discord is pretty much an online alternative to skype. Create a chat group and invite people and just chat ooc or ic!

Evernote is a notebook organizing website that I use to help me keep track of EVERYTHING. Tag names, things I owe, plot ideas, everything!

#dearindies #tumblr rp guide #rp guide #this is still an archived blog this is just posted here because the theme on this blog is easier to read and this is a long post

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