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kennarose1108 · 9 months

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My World (Negan Smith x Reader !DAUGHTER OF RICK) !PART 2!

PART 1

You were walking with Negan as they were taking the stuff they got from Alexandria out. You went to go and grab some stuff but Negan grabs your hand, "Nuh-uh..." Negan says while shaking his head. "What? I'm just trying to help." You say. "I don't want you lifting a finger. I mean, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let my girlfriend do all the heavy lifting?" Negan says with a smirk. You roll your eyes at him, "You're such a jerk, y'know that?" You say with a soft chuckle. Negan was about to continue to the joke but it was interrupted.

A ring of gunshots filled the air and on instinct, Negan grabbed you and pulled you close to him and pushed you against one of the trucks. He had his whole body covering you in case the bullets came flying this way. When the gunshots stopped Negan pulled away slightly to look over his shoulder to see one of his men dead about ten feet away from you both. Your eyes widen and your breath is shaky as you hear Carl's voice.

Negan chuckles, "Stay here." He orders before pulling away. You don't speak as Negan walks over to the crowd, whistling as he does so. "Damn. You are adorable." Negan says while walking behind his men and grabbing one to use as a human shield. "Did you pick that gun 'cause it looks cool?" Negan asks with a grin. You slowly step forward and stand next to the truck so you can get a view of what's going on. You gasp as you see Carl pointing a gun at Negan.

"You totally did, right?" Negan asks. "Kid, I ain't gonna lie you scare the shit outta me," Negan says with a chuckle. One of Negan's men then lunged at Carl and Carl shot him down. I scream as this happens and Dwight lunges at him and knocks him to the floor, grabbing the gun and pointing it at him.

"NO!" You scream while running towards Dwight and trying to get the gun out of his hands. He shoves you back and points the gun at you on instinct. You stumble back and stare at him with wide eyes. "Dwight. Back off." Negan says while stepping forward. Dwight lowers the gun and looks back at Carl. Dwight notices his knife and takes it off of him.

Negan steps towards Dwight, his face close to the side of Dwight's face. "I hope I never see you aim a gun at her again." Negan hisses. Dwight's breath is shaky as he stares down at Carl, fear written all over his face. "I don't care what the situation is... You aim a gun at her again and I'll bash your brains in. Understand?" Negan asks with a smirk. Dwight slowly nods. "Good... Now apologize." Negan whispers to him. Dwight's gaze slowly meets yours and he sighs, "I'm sorry..." Dwight whispers. "What was that? Say it louder, I don't think she heard you." Negan asks with a huge grin.

"I'm sorry," Dwight says louder. "Good... Very good," Negan says in a low tone of voice, a grin still on his face. "Now help poor Carl up while I handle this..." Negan says. Negan then looks at you, a fire in his eyes that makes your blood run cold. "You. Come with me. Now." Negan hisses while walking past Carl and walking over to you. He grabs your arm and pulls you along with him. His grip was firm but gentle as he pushed you along with him.

He pulled you with him until everyone was out of sight. He pushed you against one of the trucks and put his hands on each side of your head, caging you in. "What the hell did I tell you about guns? Hm?" Negan asks with a small scowl. You stared up at him as you take a deep breath. His eyebrows raised as you didn't answer, "I said 'Don't ever stand in front of a gun' and what do you do?" Negan asks before scoffing with a smirk. "You try to rip a gun out of Dwighty boy's hands and nearly get yourself killed." He says angrily. "Now I don't know if some kind of sisterly maternal instinct triggered in your brain or if you had a goddamn death wish but I better never..." Negan says before pointing his gloved hand at you inches away from your face before continuing, "EVER... See you do anything like this shit again. I better not tell you a third time because if it comes to that I will lock you in this place. Don't test me." Negan warns. You stare up at him with your chin quivering, "He pointed a gun at my brother." I say with a whisper.

"...He pointed a gun at you. His instinct was to point a gun at you and you are goddamn lucky his instinct wasn't to fire it." Negan says in a low and menacing tone of voice as he moves his hand back to the side of your head. You swallow the lump in your throat, "I was just trying to protect him..." I mutter. "I'm trying to protect YOU," Negan says angrily while grabbing your shoulders and shaking you slightly. "You could've been killed, don't you get that?" Negan says, narrowing his eyes and furrowing his eyebrows.

"If you get killed or hurt on my watch I don't know what I'd do," Negan says in a lone tone of voice. A soft tear rolls down your cheek and Negan sighs. He moves his hand to softly wipe the tear off your cheek, "I'm not saying this to upset you." Negan says. "I'm saying this because I care about you. I don't want to see you hurt or killed." Negan says, his tone softer now.

He holds your cheek in his hand before leaning in closer to you, his face now barely an inch away from yours. "Promise me... Promise you won't do anything like that again... Because next time... I won't go so easy on you." Negan whispers, his gaze burning holes into your skull. Your breath is shaky and your legs tremble as he made you feel weak in the knees as he was so close to you. "I... I promise." You whisper. Negan grins, "Good girl..." He mutters. He then closes the gap between you two and softly kisses you.

The kiss was gentle and passionate and it was obvious Negan was enjoying it. One of his hands snaked around your waist and pulled you closer against him while his other hand remained on your cheek. You could feel him smirking against your lips as he kissed you. The kiss got a bit rougher, he wanted more… So much more.

He then pulled away, your lips making a small pop as he does so. "Mmm... Every time I kiss you I just can't seem to get enough." He says while licking his bottom lip. "You taste as sweet as sugar..." Negan says with a chuckle. You chuckle too, "You taste like cigars..." You say. "Hm... Is that a bad thing?" Negan asks. "No... I kinda like it." You say with a smirk.

Negan grins, "Ohhh... You make me want to take you right here." Negan says while gripping your waist tightly. "But I gotta deal with your pain in the ass of a brother," Negan says before leaning in and kissing you on the forehead. "But just know... I am hard as a rock right now." Negan says with a chuckle. You smirk at him. "Now... I want you to go into our bedroom and stay there. I'm not asking, I am telling you. Okay?" Negan says while pointing at you again. I nod and he smirks. "Good... Run along." Negan says while stepping aside. As you walk past him he turns to face you and slaps you on your behind as you walk off.

You jump and turn to face him and rub your stinging butt cheek as you walk off. You grin and chuckle.

When you got to your room you sat on your bed and grabbed the book on your nightstand. You read your book for a while until you heard the door opening. You turned your head and saw Negan walking inside. When he saw you he grinned and put his arms out like he was showing you off, "My my… What a sight." Negan says. You squint your eyes and smile at him, a bit confused about what he was implying. Negan then walked over to you, "You are gorgeous." He says while resting his hand on the side of your face and kissing the top of your head.

You smile at him, "Your sister is gorgeous..." Negan says while stepping to the side, showing Carl in the room with you both. Your smile fades as you stare at him. Carl stares back at you and Negan looked between you both. Negan chuckles, "Don't you agree?" Negan asks Carl. Carl looks at Negan and stares at him for a moment before nodding.

Negan chuckles again before walking over to one of the sofas in the room. "Sit," Negan says to Carl and pointing at the sofa across from him as he sits down. You move to get off the bed but Negan, without looking at you, holds his hand up to stop you. You sit at the edge of the bed with a worried expression on your face. Carl listens and moves over to the sofa and sits down.

"I want to get to know you a little better, Carl," Negan says. "Why?" Carl asks. "Work it out. You're smart. In fact, I'm gonna tell you just how smart you are, in case you don't already know." Negan says with a smirk.

Carl glances at you, "Is it because you're with my sister?" Carl asks. Negan chuckles, "Well... Half of it." Negan says with a small shrug. "But you see, I'd expect a kid your age to be moping around, not doing a damn thing, except crying about missing the prom. But you... You go on a mission. You find me, you kill two of my men, and you're smart enough to know that I'm not gonna let this slide." Negan says, his voice going lower at the end and his smile fading slightly. A shiver went down your spine at his words... "But... I promised your sister I wouldn't harm a hair on your pretty little head. Plus, I like you, Carl." Negan says before chuckling and groaning slightly.

"Ah, I can't... I can't do it. It's like talking to a birthday present. You got to take that crap off your face. I want to see what grandma got me." Negan says in an excited tone of voice. You slightly glared at Negan and let out a deep breath... You were about to intervene but Carl spoke up before you could.

"No," Carl says. Negan didn't hesitate before speaking, "Two men!" Negan shouted, his voice getting angrier and more harsh. "Two... Men. Punishment." Negan says in a low and threatening tone of voice. He then smirks, "Do you really want to piss me off?" Negan says, his eyes still blazing with anger. "I want to keep my promise to your sister. Don't make me break it." Negan says harshly. Your breath is shaky and your entire body is tense as you see this unfold. Your heart breaks as you see poor Carl's chin quivering.

"Negan please-" You spoke but you stopped as he put his hand up again. Carl slowly reaches up and takes off his hat before going to his bandages. As Carl slowly took off his bandages Negan chuckles, "Almost there." He says while rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

When the bandage was off Carl kept it hidden with his hair. "Get that hair out of your face. Let me see." Negan orders. Carl flinched slightly when he said that, making your heart break even more. Carl moves his hair out of the way to show the gaping hole in his face. You covered your hand with your mouth as you saw his disfigured face...

"Christ! That is disgusting. No wonder you cover that up." Negan says with a huge grin. You glared at Negan before putting your attention back to Carl. You saw his lip quivering as he held back tears and that made tears well up in your own eyes... You hated seeing Carl so vulnerable and broken. "Have you seen it? I mean, have you looked in the mirror? That is gross as hell." Negan continued. You lowered your hand from your mouth and tears fell from your eyes. You hated this. You just wanted it to stop.

"I can see your socket," Negan says before chuckling. "I want to touch it. Oh, come on. Can I touch it?" Negan says. You glared at him again with teary eyes, you couldn't be a witness to this anymore, you had to intervene. "Enough. He's just a kid, he doesn't deserve this." You hiss. You see Carl lower his head as his lip and chin continued to quiver. You got up, not caring what Negan wanted anymore, and went to Carl. You wrapped your arms around his head and held his head close to your torso. Your hand was against his cheek, the side with the wound, and you rubbed your thumb against his cheek while your other hand was in his hair.

Negan's smile dropped and he leaned back slightly, watching you both as Carl's hands clung to your arm, seeking to find some comfort and safety from these cruel acts. Negan sighs before speaking, "Damn..." He mutters. "Holy hell, kid. Look..." Negan pauses before continuing, "I just... It's easy to forget that you're... Just a kid." Negan says truthfully.

Carl sniffles and he rubs his cheek against your torso, his tears wetting your shirt a bit but you didn't mind. "And I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything. I...* Negan says before sighing. "I was just screwing around," Negan says. You turned your gaze back to him, your face wet with tears and you gave him a harsh and hateful glare which made Negan flinch slightly, "You took it too far." You say angrily. "Just forget it..." Carl says while pulling away from you.

"Negan." You say, wanting his attention. His eyes landed back onto yours, "Take him home. He's had enough shit for one day." You say with your eyebrows furrowed and one of your hands on Carl's shoulder. "Y/N-" Negan speaks but you stop him. "I'm not asking, I'm telling you." You say, one of your eyebrows perking up as you repeated his words from earlier.

Negan stared up at you before smirking, "Fine. I gotta talk to Daddy Rick anyway." Negan says while standing up. Carl stands up with him before they both move to the door. "I'm going with you." You say. Negan spins around to look at you, "The hell you are." Negan says angrily. "I'm going whether you like it or not." You say while glaring up at him.

Negan glared back down at you before scoffing, "Alright. But I better not hear any bitching from you because whatever you see or hear while we're there..." He says while stepping toward you and getting close to your face. "Is on you..." He says in a low whisper. You continue to glare at him, the air thick and tense around you both. You then nodded. "Then let's go," Negan says.

When you made it to Alexandria Negan walked you and Carl to Rick and Carl's home. When we went up the steps and onto the porch Negan banged his bat against the door, waiting for Rick to open up...

But Rick didn't open up. Instead, the woman who was in the bunker opened the door. Negan leaned back and grinned before walking in. I walked in behind him and stood next to him as Carl spoke with the woman.

"Great, great, great, great, great, great!" Negan cheered. Negan licked his bottom lip before looking at the woman, "Where's Rick?" Negan asks. The woman began to stutter and Negan cut her off, "Doooon't care... Where's Rick?" Negan says in an almost sing-song type of voice. "Um, out scavenging for you." She says nervously. "Cool. I'll wait." Negan says with a grin.

"Um... He went out pretty far. They might not be back today." The woman says. "We're running really low on everything. We're practically starving here." The woman says. You watched Negan's eyes widen with the grin still on his face and he leans back a bit. You close your eyes and sight deeply, you knew what was coming. Negan never knew how to keep his mouth shut.

"Starving?" Your shoulders slumped and you held the bridge of your nose with your index and thumb as you felt annoyance and frustration creep up into your body. Negan then points at her and looks at her up and down, "You?" Negan asks. "By 'practically,' you mean 'not really.'" Negan says with air quotes. You facepalmed your hand into your face and sigh again. The woman stared at him for a moment before breaking out into a sob. She turned away from Negan as she cried. Negan shook his head and turned towards you and Carl as you lifted your hand away from your face. Negan chuckled, "Really?" Negan muttered as he stepped towards you both. You crossed your arms over your chest and narrowed your eyes at him, "You people seriously don't have a sense of humor." Negan says to Carl. You smacked Negan against his chest, "Stop being a douchebag. Apologize to her." You ordered. Negan sighed before turning back to her, "Excuse me." He says while stepping forward.

"What's your name again?" Negan asks. "Olivia." The woman says with hints of anger, frustration, and sadness in her voice. "Right. Olivia." Negan says before touching her arm. She turned to face him, "I am sorry for having been so rude to you just now." Negan says.

"And um... My lady friend here has been saying I shouldn't be so douchey and uh... I wanna be better for her." Negan says. You rolled your eyes when he said 'lady friend'. "So... I'm sorry," Negan says again. Olivia glances at you and then back at Negan before she nods. Negan then turns to you and has his arms out while leaning back, "Happy?" Negan asks. You just stare at him with your eyebrows furrowed and your arms still crossed over your chest. Negan turns back to Olivia, "She's not always this stuck up." Negan whispers to her but you still heard it.

Negan then chuckles, "All right, well, I'm just gonna put my feet up and wait for my stuff to get here." Negan says before turning away. "Olivia." He turns back to Olivia, "Would you be a lamb and make us a little lemonade? Now, I know I left you all some of that good powdered stuff." Negan says. "Well, I'm supposed to be with-" She was interrupted. "Make it." Negan orders, his voice harsher and it made her flinch. "Make it. Take your time. Make it good." Negan says in a softer and quieter tone of voice.

Olivia quickly runs out of the home and you sigh again. Negan then walked over to you and got close to your face, "That better?" He asks. You turned your head to meet his gaze. "Still douchey." You say with a small smirk. Negan grins at you before turning his attention to Carl, "All right, kid! Take me on the grand tour." Negan says. Carl showed him the home, and Negan checked out the water pressure and the comforts of the home.

Carl then showed him Rick's room and Negan chuckled before turning to you, "Y'know... We could always kick the kid out and screw on your dad's bed. Like rebellious teens." Negan suggests while lifting his eyebrows, not even being bothered he said that out loud in front of Carl.

You clicked your tongue and raised your eyebrows at him, not saying a word. "No? Not your thing? Alright." Negan says while putting his hands up in defense. "Moving on..." Negan mumbled with a smirk before leaving the room. You rolled your eyes and followed him. The tour was going as you expected... Which was just Negan screwing around the house... But then he got to a door in the home and your heart dropped.

"How about this one?" Negan asks. "Oh, i-it's just the water heater," Carl says. Negan looked at you both and could see the panic on your faces, "Are you serious, kid? Come on." Negan says before grabbing the door handle.

Negan opened the door and he stopped in his tracks. "Oh-ho, my..." Negan mumbles as he sees Judith standing in her crib. You and Carl glanced at each other nervously. Negan handed Lucille to Carl before stepping towards Judith. "Look at this little angel," Negan says. He got closer to her before lifting her out of her crib and holding her against him. He chuckled as he bounced her around before looking at you.

"Did you know about this?" Negan asks. You swallowed the lump in your throat and shifted around nervously. "Of course you did..." Negan smirks. He looks at Judith before looking back at you, "She looks like you." Negan says before turning his attention back to Judith.

"Let's go outside and get a breath of fresh air hm...?" Negan says to her before walking out of the room. You and Carl follow him outside and he took off his jacket and laid it on one of the chairs before sitting down. Carl sat next to him and you leaned against the wall of the house. Negan held Judith close to his chest and rested his chin on top of her head, "Oh, this little girl is precious." Negan says with a content sigh. Even though you were still a bit nervous you couldn't help but feel your heart flutter as you saw Negan be so gentle with Judith... You stared at the two with love in your eyes.

"Oh, I like it here," Negan says. "I might just have to stay here." He says while pulling Judith back a bit so she was facing him. Her little eyes looked around her surroundings and her eyes finally made it to you. Her eyes widen at you. Her little hands then reached out to you and she whimpered. Your mouth parts and you suck in a breath as you see her reach out to you. "Oh... Seems like somebody wants you." Negan says. Judith bounces a bit on Negan's knee and lets out little cries as she was a bit desperate to get into your hold... You had only met Judith once before this and already she loved you so much... It's almost as if she knew exactly who you were from the start.

Negan stands up and walks towards you. Judith pushes herself towards you and you gently take her into your arms. Her arms wrapped around your neck and she rested her cheek against your shoulder as you held her close and rubbed her back. Negan admired you both for a moment, he felt the same fluttering feeling in his heart as you when you saw them together.

"Oh... This is just beautiful." Negan says while placing one of his hands on your shoulder and the other on Judith's back. "Mmmm... This is makin' me feel things I've never felt before." Negan says while pulling you two into a hug. What Negan said was true, the feeling he had in his body was something he hadn't felt before. Was this what it felt like to want kids? Be in love? Or both? He was confused about it but he liked it. It was a good feeling.

You rested your cheek against his shoulder and closed your eyes... It was moments like these that you cherished with Negan. He was usually scary and a dick most of the time... But soft moments like these melted your heart. Negan gave you a tight squeeze before pulling away, placing a soft kiss on your head as he does so.

"Y/N. Can I talk to you... Privately." Carl asks. You mumble a 'yeah' and hand Judith back to Negan. Judith let out small whimpers and almost a cry when you handed her back to Negan. It was obvious she wanted to be in your arms some more. You followed Carl into the home, Negan's eyes burning a hole into the back of your head. You followed Carl until he spun around, making you jump slightly. "What the hell are you doing?" Carl asks. You stare at him confused, "What?" You mutter.

"Why are you with him? Seeing you with him like that makes me sick." Carl seethes. You sigh and look around the room. "I love him." You answer, sounding like a lovesick fool. "But why? He's a horrible person." Carl says. You sigh again, "You don't know him like I do." Carl scoffs. "I don't need to because I know this version of him. You're so blind Y/N." Carl says. "Carl. Enough." You say with a huff. "Is it some kind of Stockholm syndrome shit or something?!" Carl shouts. "Jesus, no! He didn't kidnap me Carl he saved my life." Carl's eyes widen. "...What?" Carl mutters. You take a deep breath, trying to find a way to explain this to Carl. "I was alone... For the longest time when the apocalypse started. I eventually ran out of food and energy to go and get food. I started to waste away." You say and Carl stares at you intensely. "Right before death... He found me. He saved me, nursed me back to health, fed me, took care of me... We just happened to fall in love down the road. It wasn't planned. I wasn't forced. It just happened." You explained. Carl just stares at you before looking down at the ground. "Listen to me, little brother..." You say while walking over to him and gently grabbing his shoulders. Carl's eye looked back into yours. "He didn't force me into anything... I can leave whenever I want." You say in a low tone of voice. "Then why don't you?" Carl asks with his voice cracking with emotion. You couldn't lie to him... But how could you tell him the truth? You knew he'd be crushed...

You took in a deep breath before speaking, "Because I don't want to." You say your voice barely above a whisper. Carl shakes his head slightly, "Why?" He asks. "I love him. I... I hate the way he sometimes. He listens to me to an extent but when his mind is made up he rarely ever changes his mind... If ever." You say. "But he's never hurt me... He would never hurt me, I know that. You just gotta know that too..." You say, trying to reassure him. "I'm safe. Whether I'm with you and Dad or if I'm with him... Either way, I'm safe." You say while squeezing his shoulders gently.

"How do you know he loves you? How do you know he'll keep you safe?" Carl asks. "Carl. I've been with him for a long time now. He has only treated me with love and respect. Now, I admire how much you worry about me. But you don't need to worry... He'd never hurt me." You repeat.

Carl closes his eye and sighs. He then nods and you smile. "Alright... Let's go back outside." You say before turning away and walking back to the porch. When you both made it outside both of your hearts dropped when you saw Negan and Judith were missing.

"Shit... A-Are they back in the house? Did you hear them come back inside?" You ask frantically, your voice stuttering a bit as you spoke. "I... I don't know." Carl says nervously. "Alright um... You check around the house I'll check inside." You order, Carl nods in response. You head back instead and start calling his name, "Negan? Negan!" You called out, looking throughout the home. You walked over to the bathroom door but before you could open it Negan did it for you and he stepped out of the bathroom, Judith in his arms. "You called?" He says with a smirk. You sighed in relief and your body relaxed. "I shaved... You like?" He says while raising his eyebrows. You narrowed your eyes at him and tilted your head before reaching up and rubbing your knuckles against his bare face.

Ever since you've known him you've never seen him clean shaven and somehow he still looked just as handsome as before... Some men didn't look so good without their facial hair, and some didn't look good with facial hair. But the fact Negan looked good both ways left you in awe. You smile softly at him, "You look handsome." You say. He smiles down at you, "Thank you, baby." He says before leaning down to kiss your forehead.

"So... That conversation sounded heated. Was it about me?" Negan says with a huge grin and raises his eyebrows. You smirk, "Maybe." You say while touching Judith's hair. "Hmm... Now... Did I hear that you love somebody? I wonder who you were talking about." Negan says with a teasing smirk. "Were you listening to our conversation?" You ask with a small chuckle. "Well, darlin' it was kinda hard to ignore when you both were yelling at each other," Negan says. "Alright... Fair." You say. "So you love me huh?" Negan says with a grin. You roll your eyes with a smirk, "You know I do." You mutter. Negan inches a bit closer, "I want to hear you say it." He mutters.

You glare at him, "...I love you." You say. Negan hums, "Mmm... Every time I hear you say it I just fall more in love with you." Negan says. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Negan says teasingly and you roll your eyes with a groan, "Ugh... Shut up." You say with a small laugh and you push his shoulder slightly.

"Alright, enough of the corny stuff. Let's go back to Carl okay?" You say while turning away but Negan grabs your hand, "No, no, no... Wait a minute. Come here..." Negan says while pulling you closer to him. When you were close enough Negan bent down to kiss your lips gently. As he kissed you Carl came rushing into the room, he was still looking for Judith in a panic. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw Judith in Negan's arms but then his face turned one of anger and disgust when he saw what you and Negan were doing.

You didn't notice Carl had come into the room... But Negan did. As he kissed you he opened his eyes to look at Carl. His eyes were narrowed slightly and he glared daggers at Carl. He was practically marking his territory and Carl knew it. Negan enjoyed openly claiming you as his at the sanctuary, he liked the uncomfortable stares from everyone around them, especially from the men...

But this was a different type of claiming. He loved claiming you in front of Rick or Carl. He liked seeing them squirm and glare at him because he knew he was getting under their skin.

Negan then pulled away and smirked at the blush on your cheeks.

"Alright now pretty girl... How about you take this one while me and Carl get dinner started hm?" Negan says while handing Judith off to you. You nodded and glanced at Carl before walking off into the living room. You sat on one of the couches and bounced Judith on your knee. You saw she was itching her eye and she looked very tired. You noticed the binky on the table and you reached over to grab it, "Here sweetheart... Why don't you take a nap hm? It's been a long day." You say while placing the binky in her mouth. You leaned back on the sofa and rested her head against your chest, above your heart.

You couldn't help but think back to the very first time you held Carl.

You were eleven and your aunt Evie was bringing you to the hospital to see your mother and your new baby brother. You were nervous when you stood out of the hospital room, waiting to see what was going on... Then your father opened the room door to greet you.

"Hey, sweetheart..." Your father says before kneeling to your level and grabbing your arms gently. "Are you ready to meet your baby brother?" He asks. You nervously nodded and he smiled at you before standing up and stepping aside. When you slowly walked into the room you saw a curtain on the side of your mom's bed. You slowly stepped forward, your father inching close behind you. You then stepped past the curtain and your mother smiled at you, "Hey hun..." She says with a happy grin. "How's my girl?" She asked. You were about to answer but then... You saw him. The little boy on your mother's chest. Your eyes widened and your mother followed your gaze.

"Would you like to hold him?" She asks. You nodded and your father told you to sit down on one of the chairs in the room. You sat down and watched closely as he took the boy away from your mother's arms and slowly walked over to you. He told you how to hold your arms out so he could rest against you. "Hold him against your heart. Babies love the sound of the heart beating." Your mother explained to you. Your father mumbled 'Cradle the neck' as he handed the boy off to you. You took him into your arms and held him against your chest, right above your heart. The boy snuggled close to your chest and continued to sleep.

"His name's Carl." Your father said to you. As you held him you couldn't help but think about how precious he was... You felt a maternal bond with this boy instantly.

Even now you still felt that bond. You felt the overwhelming urge to protect Carl at all costs. To love him, to cherish him, to take care of him. Like a mother would. But Carl was older now. He can take care of himself... But... There was someone else you felt that urge for.

Judith.

You may not have been there since the beginning... But you felt the same maternal bond with her that you did with Carl.

As these thoughts entered your mind you hadn't even realized Judith was sleeping peacefully against you. You took in a deep breath and relaxed for a few minutes. You wanted to savor this moment for as long as you could. You knew you had to leave Judith eventually, which made you sad. You wish you could be with her more but it just wasn't meant to be...

In the middle of your thoughts, you began to smell something... Good. You hadn't been in a homey environment with something that smelled good in a long time. You slowly got up, trying your best not to wake Judith, and walked into the kitchen. You saw food on the island in the kitchen with Olivia making the lemonade Negan asked for. You turned your head to see Negan sitting down at the dining room table. He turned his head and smiled, "Ah, there you are. You sit next to me darlin'." He says, gesturing to the seat to the right of him.

You walk over to the dining room table and sit down at the seat he gestured to. "She's asleep?" Negan asks while nodding his head towards Judith who was still against you. You nodded and he smiled, "She truly is precious isn't she?" Negan asks. You smile and nod.

When dinner was over a bit of ruckus was going on outside. You honestly didn't even care what was going on because you were just glad that awkward dinner was over with. Negan went outside to see what was going on while you, Carl, and Olivia stayed inside. "I'll put her in her crib," Olivia mutters while taking sleeping Judith from your arms.

As she left you were left alone with Carl you both sat in a awkward silence. Your fingertips tapped against the wood of the table before Carl broke the silence. "...Mom loved you." Carl blurted out. Your eyes met his and your body froze... How could you respond to that?

"I don't think there was a day that went by where she didn't miss you... I don't think there was a day that any of us didn't miss you." Carl says while staring at you intensely. Tears filled your eyes, "Carl... Please... I need to know what happened to her." You begged. Carl stared at you for a minute before his gaze fell to the floor. He took a deep breath, "...It was the day Judith was born. She was in labor and she was having issues..." Carl says before taking another deep breath. "She was bleeding out and she died of blood loss..." Carl explains.

You slowly nodded at his words, your gaze fell to the floor also as you thought this was the end of the story. "I had to shoot her so she wouldn't turn." You gasp and your eyes shoot back to his face. A tear slipped from your eye and you let out a shaky breath.

"Carl-" He interrupted you. "I don't want your pity. I'm sick of everyone looking at me like a sad kid without their mommy." Carl says while rolling his eyes.

You stand up and go over to his seat and kneel on the floor next to his chair. "I'm not looking at you like a sad kid without their mommy Carl..." You say while placing your hand gently on his shoulder. He looks at you with his eyes glazed over with tears, "I'm looking at you like my brother who's in pain..." You say before sighing. "...Listen Carl. I know I'm not mom. But I want to be there for you... For Dad and Judith..." You say while squeezing his shoulder reassuringly.

You watched as Carl's face turned from a look of grief to almost anger. He shrugged her hand off his shoulder and glared at you with tears still in his eyes. "How can you? You're with him. You can't be there for us when you're still with him. You chose your path." Carl says angrily. Your eyes widen at his words and your breath hitched, "Carl..." You mutter. You were about to say more but the sound of a crowd outside caught your attention. It caught Carl's attention too and he got up from his seat... He mainly wanted to get away so he didn't have to be a part of this conversation anymore.

You both walked outside onto the porch and saw Negan playing pool with a man and the people of Alexandria watching. Olivia came out not long before you and Carl did and you all watched them playing pool.

The man glanced over at you before looking back at Negan. "You got yourself a pretty one. Hard to believe she came from Rick." The man says while knocking a ball into one of the holes. You watched Negan's face from across the pool table... You knew that face. Negan smirked, his eyes squinted and you could see flickers of different emotions in his eyes. He put on a poker face as usual when he was pissed off... But you could see it on his face and in his eyes.

Anger and possessiveness flashed over his face before it went back to the smugness you always saw on his face. You gulped... This wasn't going to end well. "Y'know... I am my mother's son. I can be the leader she was. That's what this place needs. That's what you need." The man says while turning to Negan.

"So... I should put you in charge, that's what you're saying?" Negan asks. "We'd be much better off." The man says with a smug smirk. Negan took a sip of his drink before setting it on the pool table. They continued to play pool for a moment, the idea lingering in Negan's mind before he spoke. "You know, I'm thinking, Spencer. I'm thinking how Rick threatened to kill me, how he clearly hates my guts." Negan says while leaning back a bit.

"But he is out there right now, gathering shit for me to make sure I don't hurt any of the fine people that lived here." The more Negan spoke the more anxiety rose into your body. Carl looked at your face, seeing the panic and fear in your eyes as you gripped the wood on the porch.

"He is swallowing his hate and getting shit done," Negan says with a chuckle. "That takes guts," Negan says before leaning down and shooting another ball into a hole. He then places down the pool cue onto the table, "And then there's you..." Negan started. You sucked in a shaky breath... Oh god... Something bad was coming.

"...The guy who waited for Rick to be gone so he could sneak over and talk to me to get me to do his dirty work, so he could take Rick's place," Negan says while inching closer to the man. "So I got to ask, if you wanna take over, why not just kill Rick yourself and just take over?" Negan says, now barely a few inches away from the man.

The man began to stutter, trying the best way to defend himself... But Negan stopped him. "You know what I'm thinking? 'Cause I have a guess." His voice got low and threatening and it made your body tremble.

Oh god... Negan... Please don't do whatever you're about to do.

"it's because you got no..." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Guts."

Then it happened. You gasped loudly and you jumped as he plunged a knife into the man's abdomen. But oh god... If it wasn't bad enough Negan just had to take it to the next level. Negan slashed the knife across his abdomen, the man's guts now spewing out of his body. A loud cry came out of your lips and you stumbled back a bit.

The man fell to his knees before he toppled over, blood gushing out of his body. You had never seen something so horrific... Especially by the hands of your lover. He never let you see the gruesome stuff... He always made sure you were out of sight when he did something like this. But he wasn't thinking. He just acted.

Tears fell from your eyes as your body shook in fear. Negan taunted the group, taunted the dying man on the floor. Soft cries came out of your mouth as you stifled a sob. Negan grabbed Lucille and aimed it at the group, "Anyone want to finish the game?" Negan asks, a huge grin on his face.

"C'mon. Anybody? Anybody?" Negan repeated. You saw the terror and anger on everyone's faces... But no one had anger more on their face than the woman in the front of the crowd. "C'mon... I was winning!" Negan says with a smug grin.

Then, without missing another beat, a gunshot rang in the air. You watched as the woman in the front of the crowd aimed a gun and shot it at Negan. You let out a blood-curdling scream as you lunged forward to the railing of the porch, your eyes darting over to where Negan was. You were expecting to see his body on the floor, a gunshot wound in his skull... But instead, you saw him standing in the same spot before he looked at Lucille.

"Shit! What the shit?!" Negan yelled out angrily. In the blink of an eye, Arat had the woman to the ground, pinning her down with a knife to her throat. "SHIT!" Negan yelled as he stomped over to the woman. "You just- You tried to kill me?!" Negan shouted. "You shot Lucille!" Negan yells, waving around Lucille like a madman.

"She got in the way." The woman taunts. Negan walked around angrily, his eyes meeting yours for a moment before looking back down to the ground to look at the bullet that had been shot. Your knees felt weak as your body trembled with adrenaline and fear. You felt like you were going to pass out...

Negan picked up the bullet, "What is this?" Negan asks, moving the bullet around in the air. "What is this?" He repeated. "This little bad boy you made from scratch?" Negan asks, his eyes still burning with red-hot fury.

"You may be stupid, darlin', but you showed some real ingenuity here. Arat, move that knife up on that girl's face." Negan orders. Arat did just that, she pressed her knife against the girl's face. "Lucille's beautiful, smooth surface is never gonna look the same, so why should yours?!" Negan yells. You jumped as he yelled, you had never seen him so angry before.

"Unless... Unless you tell me who made this." Negan says. "It was me. I made it." She says. Negan chuckles, "You see, now I just think you're lying. And you are lying to me NOW?!" Negan yelled. You jumped again, the adrenaline now leaving your body and leaving you in fear. The tears started to fall again as you watched this unfold. "Such a shame. Arat's gonna have to cut up that pretty face. One more try." Negan says. You wanted to beg Negan to make this stop, that this was enough and that this was inhumane... But this Negan scared you. This Negan you didn't want to infuriate more. So, like a coward, you kept your mouth shut. "It was me." The girl seethes while Arat drove her knife down her face, leaving a small scar.

Negan chuckles, "Oh! You are such a badass!" Negan says with a grin. "Fine. Have it your way." Negan says.

'No... No more of this Negan please.' You thought to yourself. "Arat..." Negan started. Oh god no...

"Kill somebody."

Your eyes widened as Arat took out her gun. The girl screamed, begging for her to stop, saying she made it... But in a blink of an eye, Arat turned her head in your direction and pointed her gun. The sound of a bullet hitting the air rung in your ears once more but much closer this time... You screamed out in fear as you thought it was coming to you. You dropped down and fell against the pillar on the porch. Blood splatted onto your face and your eyes bugged out as you saw the dead body in front of you... She killed Olivia. Why? Why did she kill Olivia? What was the point of it?

Carl dropped to Olivia's side and looked her over. She had a gunshot wound in her bottom cheek and she was very obviously dead. Your breaths were ragged and your body shook in terror. Carl noticed this, he noticed your fear. He recognized this. He felt the same way when he saw his first dead body... The first time someone died in front of him. He quickly knelt in front of you and touched your arms.

"Y/N?" He mumbled. Carl's voice sounded so distant, so far. Your vision felt blurry and your ears rang, muffling out the world around you. You felt like you couldn't breathe, you felt like your world was crumbling around you.

"Y/N listen to me..." Carl muttered. "Breathe..." He says. But you weren't listening, your eyes were still locked onto the dead body in front of you. He followed your gaze before looking back at you, "Don't look at it." Carl says while gently grabbing your chin and forcing your face towards his direction. Your eyes finally met his, "Breathe... Take deep breaths." Carl orders before taking some deep breaths himself to show you how to do it.

"I know this is scary... I've been there... We all have. But you're in shock, and I need you to come back to reality." He says. Your body shook and you did your best to mirror his breathing...

When your breath finally turned back to somewhat normal your vision cleared and your ears stopped ringing... Then, the adrenaline stopped. Your face crumbled into a look of grief and fear as you let out a small sob. "It's okay..." Carl muttered as he rubbed your arm gently. "Here... Let's stand up okay? Keep your eyes off of it." Carl says while gently grabbing your hands. He pulled you up onto your feet and you looked at her body. Another sob came out of your mouth as the tears fell, "No... Don't look." Carl ordered. You turned your gaze back to the road but then your eyes fell onto another body.

God... They were everywhere. It was like a bloodbath.

Before your body forced another sob out of you, you saw your father now with Negan. Negan, hearing your sob, looked up at you from the road. He didn't want you to witness any more of this... You've been through enough today.

Negan sighs before turning back to Rick, "I'm gonna be relieving you from your bullet maker, Rick that and whatever you left for me at the front gate." Negan says. "And however much you scavenged, it's not good enough, because you're still in a serious, serious hole after today," Negan says with a glare. "Let's move out!" Negan yelled. He then turned his attention to Arat, "Arat... Go get her." Negan ordered, nodding his head in your direction. Arat walked over to you and pulled you from Carl. You were now letting out loud sobs as everything was so overwhelming to you.

As Arat pulled you down from the porch Negan watched. His heart broke seeing you in such pain... He hated seeing the look of fear on your face, the look of grief, and the look of confusion as to why this had to happen. He watched as Arat walked away with you before turning back to Rick.

"Y'know... I hated doing that. Especially in front of her." Negan says before stepping close to Rick, "Don't make me do this in front of her again. You hear me?" Negan says in a low tone of voice. He stared intensely at Rick, waiting for an answer. Rick slowly nodded. Negan smirked, "Until next time." He says before leaving, Lucille on his shoulder as he walked off.

You cried throughout the entire ride home. When you made it back to the sanctuary Arat dragged you to your shared bedroom with Negan and shut the door behind you. You let out loud sobs and you looked around the room in utter confusion. You didn't know this feeling, you didn't understand this feeling, you hated this feeling. You didn't know how to control this feeling.

In your spiral, you grabbed a vase in the room and threw it onto the floor with a scream of anguish leaving your lips as you do so. The vase shattered on the floor... But it didn't make you feel better. You didn't know what to do...

You walked over to one of the sofas and sat down, huddling yourself into a little ball and resting your head and arms on the armrest. You sobbed into the sofa loudly... Trying your best to relieve this feeling.

Meanwhile, Negan was feeling like shit. He didn't know how to speak to you after this. Hell, he didn't know how to look you in the eye after this. He had to start slow. He got himself cleaned up first. He made sure all the blood on him was wiped off before he walked over to the bedroom.

Before he opened the door he hesitated and listened for a moment, his hand lingering on the doorknob. He could hear your cries, even from out here. He sighed deeply and rubbed the bridge of his nose for a moment. He built up some courage before slowly opening the door. His eyes scanned the room for a moment before it made contact with your body. He felt his chest ache as he looked at you. You looked so vulnerable... So sad... So broken.

He stepped into the room and quietly shut the door behind him. As he stepped forward he noticed the broken vase on the floor. He sighed before stepping around it, he didn't want to alert you of his presence just yet.

He walked to the coffee table in front of you and sat down on it so he was close to you. He watched you for a moment, his eyes soft and his lips frowned. He then reached out to you, "Baby-" He mutter but he stopped as you flinched away from his touch. His heart nearly shattered when you did that. He pulled his hand away and sighed deeply, "I... I told you you shouldn't have come... The things I do out there I-" He spoke but you stopped him. "Don't you dare blame this on me" You say while lifting your head from the armrest to glare at him with your face smudged with tears and snot. He noticed the crimson red spots on your face that mixed with the fluids on your face from the shootout with Olivia.

He sighed again, "I'm not blaming you... But darlin' I told you not to come today. I knew it wasn't going to end well and I didn't want you to witness it." He says while shaking his head, his eyes falling to the floor.

You turned your gaze to the armrest and your face softened as another cry came out of your mouth, "I didn't want to believe it... I didn't want to believe what everyone said... I didn't want to believe you were a monster." You say with a sniffle. Negan flinched at your words. He never wanted you to see this side of him, how was he ever going to fix this?

"And now I feel like a monster too..." You say before breaking out into another sob. Negan turned his gaze back to you, his eyes filled with sadness and confusion. "What? Why do you feel like that?" He asks. You shake your head and take a deep breath before speaking, "Because... Because the two dead bodies I saw today isn't even the part that terrified me the most..." More tears fell from your eyes as you spoke, "It was the part when that woman pointed that gun at you. When I heard the gunshot I thought it was over... I thought I lost you... I thought you died." You say while a small cry, "I thought you left me..." You then broke out into another sob.

Negan sucked in a large breath, "Oh... Oh, babygirl no, no..." He said quietly while gently grabbing you and pulling you into his lap. He cradled you in his arms as you cried, "I'm here baby... I'm not going to leave you." He whispers in your ear as he gently rocked you back and forth, he was trying you soothe you the best way he could.

"And feeling that way doesn't make you a monster... You're just afraid." He says. You snaked your hands around his torso and clung to him as you continued to cry. "I'm sorry you had to witness that... Darlin, I'm so so sorry you went through this today." He mutters into your ear. "I can't promise something like this won't happen again... Because if I did then I'd be lying to you, and I'd never lie to you." He says while pulling you back slightly so he could cup your cheeks between his hands.

"But I promise I won't do anything like this in front of you, okay?" He asks. You sniffled and nodded. "B... But you also promised not to hurt anyone..." You mumbled. "I promised I wouldn't hurt your family. I never promised I wasn't going to hurt anyone else." Negan says. You sighed and your eyebrows furrowed a bit as you realized he played you.

He manipulated you, but you didn't have the energy to argue with him. You just closed your eyes and tried your best to not cry anymore. He then leaned in and kissed your eyes. His thumbs wiped away the rest of the blood on your face before he pulled away. "You don't need to be afraid of me. I'm not going to hurt you. Ever. I swear that on my life." He says, his hands still gently holding onto your face.

"I... I'm not afraid of you Negan. I'm just afraid of this whole situation..." You say truthfully. "I know... And I'm sorry." He repeats. He didn't know what else to say. Truth be told he wasn't good with this type of thing.

Now he just had to say what was left in his heart, "I love you." He says. He looked at you with sad eyes, hoping you still loved him and that you'd say it back. You sighed and rested your hands on his hands that were still on your face, "...I love you too." You say while looking into his eyes. He smiled at you before pulling you back against him, your cheek now against his shoulder. He sighed in relief, the smile still on his face.

You enjoyed each other's embrace for a moment as you knew it wasn't going to last forever... You both knew hard times were coming... But as long as you both stuck by each other, you felt like you could get through anything.

PART 3