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lostplay · 1 year

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Game 39: Kingdom Hearts 3

I don't think I'm trending new ground here when I say Kingdom Hearts 3 is a disappointment. The sequel just promised so much about itself that it honestly had no hope of pleasing everybody. What I didn't think would happen however is how much the game spreads itself thin to make it feel like there is a bunch of things to do. There is a ton of great things to say about Kingdom Hearts 3, but there is a lot here that makes it feel a bit rushed when it comes down to it.

What I can absolutely praise Kingdom Hearts 3 for is the sheer amount of content we got for it. KH3 contains game & watch style mini-games, a full on cooking mini game, a bubble bobble type puzzle game, photo mode, and an entirely revamped gummi ship mode that let's you explore full maps. Throughout playing KH3 I consistently thought about how neat the whole thing was. Nearly every little thing here is thought through to the point that little details kinda just add an extra charm to how well they are crafted. I genuinely can't express how floored I was when I found out how many mini games the Game & Watch like titles had. Like honestly, I'm sure people would buy little handheld titles like this in real life. The fact that the gummi ship mode is like it's own little arcade shooter also really helped break up the pacing by giving a somewhat challenging and neat mode to play with when we just want to explore. The photo mode even adds a much needed collection element with the hidden mickey's being scattered throughout the worlds. Honestly as much as I hate the brainwashing technique; gamifying it was the way to go. Add that together with a bunch of different mini games in game, and you really start to see that what KH3 did was pay attention to everything, but the main game.

Games being easy shouldn't be seen as a problem, and I would rather encourage it over making something super hard. Providing a challenge is always a unique issue to any given game because each gameplay style is just different, from both players and games alike. So what did KH3 do? Why it made it have so many extra flashy super moves, power ups, summons, and tag team attacks that the only issue is picking the next attack. Really I can't express how easy this game is without mentioning the ride summons. I love the ride summons, I think they are super stylish and a fun thing to do as a sort of mini-game. Sadly though, KH3 doesn't really limit how often you can use them, and constantly feeds you the attacks roughly one minute in any given battle. That is, of course, if you aren't also given a team attack or transformation gauge, and even then it's all in all likely you have all three up to pick from. The game literally feeds you so much "super meter" attacks that I honestly forgot I had additional summons and magic to use. Kingdom Hearts has never been a super nuanced combat system, even at it's peak with KH2, largely the majority of the attack strings are just pressing X at certain times. Here though? You just get over stuffed with options that your brain and battles can't actually engage with combat unless it's something as long as a boss fight. Even then, the problem just becomes using these super moves on the bosses till they die; it truly feels like KH3 just doesn't trust the player enough to give them a proper challenge. Perhaps what is most maddening about this though is just the fact the combat is actually good? Something that returned, and what I love about Dream Drop Distance is the movement options. You are able to dash, jump, and even ride rails like you were in the previous game straight from the start. While you don't have full access to everything right away; you are given enough to ensure you can work toward more movement options later on. This combined with combat has always made Kingdom Hearts far more engaging to me as it gives it a lot more style compared to the previous two entries where combat just feels far too slow and stiff. Being able to block and dodge immediately is a standard, and the fact the previous two main games hide that away always hurt it's combat. As previously addressed though, any combat you do get into is often over before you know, overloaded with some super moves, or can just be walked passed. The only time it actually feels you are playing the game really is during mini-games or boss battles, and it really is a shame because I honestly do see the combat here be on par with what we got with Dream Drop Distance, although far more busted.

One thing KH3 solidly did right tho is the Disney worlds. While some have far more to do in others, or at least feel constructed better story wise, each one has plenty of weight to them. I don't think every world out there is particularly amazing, but compared to the worlds of the past, it feels like it's an actual place. Like Tangled's world for instance. While I can tell there is quite a bit of context taken out, largely the game provided enough there that made me absolutely engrossed with the world and characters. I felt like we were on a proper journey to deliver Rapunzel to the Corona kingdom, and it hit enough emotional beats to feel invested. Even places like the Big Hero 6 World where it kinda feels slapped on story wise still has an incredibly large city to explore. Nothing feels like it was left out, or repeated when it comes to the gameplay of these worlds, and it's something I'm finally happy to see come to fruition. Unfortunately, there is nothing to help save the story of Kingdom Hearts. While I know some like to argue that you just need to pay attention, or that the Disney worlds are the less interesting part; Kingdom Hearts 3 most boring bits are the continuing story. Like I have played through all the kingdom hearts games that are needed to be played through with the exception of the mobile game, and I can tell you that the only extra Kingdom Hearts game you need to play is Birth By Sleep. Without knowing the context of why Aqua is in the darkness helps a lot when the game finally decides to have a plot, it still doesn't save the rest of the story. Constantly they interject these Disney worlds with a random black cloak members, but in the end the only real take away is that sometimes characters outside of Sora will interact and it's nice. The rest of the time though? It's like they pop up and say "the plot is going to happen Sora BOOO" then screw off. Even the "final payoff" of getting these battles together is just Sora taking everyone's victories away. There is absolutely no fanfare for other characters in a way that matters, and honestly it's perhaps the biggest downer when it comes to Kingdom Hearts 3. Long way to say it, but Kingdom Hearts 3 is just a game that shoved itself with so many things that it legitimately forgot to be a proper conclusion to it's own story. Even with all the other games under my belt it's still a hapless mess, and one that even gets in it's own way when it's trying to be fun. Still to say I didn't enjoy it is a lie. This is legit one of my favorite Kingdom Hearts game because it just has so many neat things to it. I kinda respect a lot of aspects to it because a lot of the things they have been working on, or that they introduce, work so well. I just implore anyone wanting to play the game to not do so for the story or challenge, but because you can explore. Just don't look for any real substance here, it's just an average game with a very stylish way of failing to met expectations.

#Kingdom Hearts #Kingdom Hearts 3 #Kingdom Hearts Series #PS4 #Square Enix #Lost Reviews #lostleader #LOSTLEAD8R #Forever you don't need to play all the games #the most homework you need to play 3 is Birth By Sleep #Literally was going to be titled Kingdom Hearts 0 #You can just play 1 - 3 and you would understand enough #you are not missing out on lore #not really #the lore is #is it cool?#Kingdom Hearts is just a game about being cool #Wish people talk about the game and watch like games more #we getting physical collection of those?

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topazy · 3 years

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Silent bloom

Pairings: Finn Collins/ Reader Bellamy Blake/reader

Warnings: swearing, and character death

Chapter: 2.03

"They want you. If we want a truce, we have to give them Finn."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Raven asked, stepping forward.

Clarke avoided making eye contact with any of you, "That’s their offer."

"That’s not an offer," you snapped. "That’s a death sentence."

"It’s punishment," Finn squeezed your shoulder lightly as he brushed past you. "For what happened at the village. Blood for blood."

—

Murphy walked towards where Finn was standing with a complex look on his face. "Hey, man. Byrne actually gave me a gun. I guess we really are screwed, huh? Look, we kicked their asses last time. We’ll do it again."

Finn looked at him blankly and said, "A lot of people died last time."

You chewed on your bottom lip as Bellamy and Finn continued talking, completely zoning out. Would the grounders really take Finn as a trade? The thought made your stomach turn. Your biggest fear right now was that someone would betray Finn and turn him over.

Hearing Clarke’s voice, you looked up again, to see Finn and Bellamy walking in another direction.

"Hey," Murphy said, stepping forward. "Any orders for me, princess?"

The blonde glared at him, "stay away from me."

You were surprised at the look of hurt on his face. "Just trying to be helpful."

It was obviously by the venom in Clarke’s voice that she blamed Murphy for what happened in the village. "You were with him at the village."

"I tried to stop him."

"Not hard enough!"

"You know, you want to start blaming people, Clarke?" Murphy stepped closer to her. "He wasn’t out there looking for me, was he? It’s not my fault he went batshit crazy."

He was out there looking for you.

You stepped in between them, stopping this before it went any further. "Enough! Both of you. Clarke, go do whatever it is you need to do. Yelling, and arguing isn’t helping anyone."

You watched Clarke walk away before turning to face Murphy, who looked slightly guilty. "What?"

"I…I didn’t mean it was your fault."

You shrugged, pretending his words didn’t strike a nerve. "Whatever, we have more important things to think about. Like how the hell we are going to save Finn."

"He’s a dead man walking," Murphy raised his hands defensively when you raised your brows at him. "What? I’m only pointing out the obvious."

You looked back towards the fence, and slowly walked towards it as the chanting got louder. You felt a lump at the back of your throat, as tears threatened to spill from your eyes.

Murphy stood beside you, "jus drein jus daun, Jus drein jus daun."

"Blood must have blood."

You looked back around to face Abby, and Jaha who were talking to some guards. "You don’t trust them, do you?"

"Do you?"

Murphy scoffed at your comment. Of course he didn’t. Nobody who has been screwed over by them should.

"Well, angel eyes, if we leave it to them, we are definitely screwed."

"Yeah," you agreed. Besides Abby, none of them would care what happened to Finn. "We’re going to need a miracle to happen."

—

"What’s the plan?" You asked, stopping beside Finn.

"The dropship."

Clarke shook her head. "You know that this is the safest place for him right now.”

"It isn't if they're turning on him," Bellmay pointed out. "We can protect him at the dropship until we figure this thing out. Grab your gear and meet at Raven's gate in five minutes. She’s already working on cutting the power to the fence."

Bellmay was right. Going to the dropship would probably be the safest place for him right now. It would also give you time to try and figure something else out.

"Okay," Finn nodded. "But nobody's coming with me."

You frowned, "of course we are. This isn’t up for discussion."

Clarke pressed her lips together. She still didn’t seem convinced that it was a good idea. "We are surrounded by Grounders."

"It will be easier if we split up." Noticing others starting to shout at a Finn you gripped his arm as Bellamy knocked the boy called Gruff out. "We need to go, now."

—

You nervously gripped the gun tightly, praying you didn’t make too much noise as you walked through the forest.

"I know I’ve said it before, but-"

"Shh," you stared at Finn wide-eyed.

He has been mostly silent since you caught up with him, and now wasn’t the time to start talking. You knew by the look on his face that he wasn’t going to let whatever was on his mind go.

"I was scared... when you disappeared. I thought I’d never get the chance to say I’m sorry, and I needed you to know that I love you."

"Finn," you stopped walking and turned to face him. "We have talked about this. None of it matters now, all that matters is getting you through this. We find a way to save you, and then we rescue Monty and Jasper, along with everybody else who the mountain men took." You let out a small laugh, "Who would have thought it would be grounders that saved me from them? "Ironic, huh."

"What were they like, the grounders who took you?" He whispered.

"Eh…good as far as kidnappers go. They gave me clean clothes, food, and water." You let out a sigh, "I was afraid they were going to torture me like they did Murphy."

“You have a soft spot for him."

"No I don’t."

For the first time in a long time, you saw Finn smile, "Oh my God, you have a crush on him."

Him teasing you reminded you what life was like back on the ark before everything went to shit. It made you almost forget when you were in the forest in the first place.

You shoved Finn’s arm playfully, "shut up. I just feel bad for him."

"You do like Bellamy though."

You shot Finn a look, "let’s not."

"He’s a good guy, he’d keep you safe. I’m sure of it."

"And who’s going to keep you safe from me? Because once this is all over, I have no issue raising hell if you don’t stop teasing me, Collins."

"What do we do after the dropship? Where do we go? You think the Grounders will just leave when they find out I'm gone? Is this the best way to help our friends inside Mount Weather? "

You gave him a sympathetic smile, "will figure this out."

The last thing you remember seeing is the horrified look on Finn’s face as a loud yelling came from behind you.

—

You let out a loud groan as you sat up. Looking around, you were confused. The last thing you remember was walking in the forest.

"Y/N," Clarke knelt down beside you. "Take it easy when you sit up. You got knocked out."

Of course you did.

"How’s your head?" Finn asked as he helped you stand up.

"Never been better."

"It will be another neat scar to add to your collection," Murphy shrugged.

You ignored his comment as Finn spoke to you in a hushed voice. "When you went down... I thought you were dead. Because of me."

"Finn," you say softly. "I’m right here."

"I’ve killed so many people."

You shook your head, "things that we've done to survive... they don't define us."

"What if you're wrong? What if this is who we are now?"

Not knowing what to say to comfort Finn, you pulled him in for a hug at the same time that Bellamy rushed into the drop shop. "We got company!"

"Oh fuck. We’re surrounded."

As everyone made their way to the outside of the ship, Bellmay stopped to face you. "I’m glad you're okay. You had me worried for a moment."

"Thanks. But honestly, I’m still worried."

—

"They’re not moving any closer."

"Staying out of range. Probably waiting until it's dark."

Murphy looked up at him, "If we hit them now, at least we'd take them by surprise."

You wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Murphy's idea made sense. You didn’t like it, but he did have a point. "The problem is, we don't even know how many of them are out there."

Murphy rolled his eyes, "I’m not hearing any better ideas, Daisy."

Raven stepped forward. "We’ll give them something."

Bellamy looked at her, confused. "All they want is Finn."

Raven looked away from the rest of the group, as her eyes landed on Murphy. "Finn wasn't the only one at the village."

"You can’t be serious! We aren’t handing anyone over to the grounders."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Raven, I came here to protect him. You were the one who wanted me to come." A hurt expression crossed over Murphy’s face. "You... That’s why you asked me to come along."

The brunette glared at him. "Enough Grounders saw him at the village. They’d believe he was the shooter."

"Sick bitch!" Murphy spat.

Clarke tried to calm her down. "Raven, you don't mean this."

"You know what they do to people?" you said, stepping towards her. "They want Finn, nobody else. We can’t protect him if we are fighting among ourselves.

Raven ignored what you said and pointed her gun towards Murphy. "They want a murderer, we'll give them one."

Hell no.

You shared a knowing look with Finn, before moving to step in front of Murphy. "Raven, this is insane! Put it down."

"Daisy, move out the way, I don’t want to hurt you. Murphy drop your weapon!"

"Raven, stop this before somebody gets hurt!" You yelled back at her. You knew deep down she wouldn’t actually shoot you, but you weren’t so sure about Murphy.

Ravenstill refused to lower her weapon, "I said drop it."

"Stop! Stop!" Finn pushed her hand down so the gun was no longer pointed in your direction. "We're not doing this. They’ve got us surrounded. The only thing we can do is stay. And defend this place. Murphy?"

"Yeah?"

"Go upstairs with Daisy. You two watch the rear. I'll take the lower level. You three, take the front gate. That’s the plan. All right?"

As Murphy walked ahead, you hugged Finn again, saying, "We’ve got this."

"May we meet again."

"We will." You pulled back from him, "I better go make sure nobody else tries to kill him."

"Yeah. Be careful."

—

When you joined Murphy, he glared at you. "Are you insane?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You stepped out in front of me! Raven could have shot you!"

Taken aback by his yelling, you shuffled uncomfortably. "She wasn’t going to-"

Murphy cut you off, "you don’t know that. Don’t ever do something like that for me again. Ever!"

You turned and faced the other direction, to avoid looking at him. Why was he so upset? You were only trying to keep everyone safe.

Hearing yelling, you quickly made your way towards the other side of the ship. "What’s happened?"

Bellamy looked at you with fear in his eyes. "Finn’s handed himself in."

—

You stood on the edge of Camp Jaha by the gates, squinting. Grounders were putting a large post into the ground. "What is that?"

"It’s for Finn," Clarke confirmed. "They want us to watch."

As others talked about what to do next, you noticed Clarke getting ready to leave. "What are you doing?"

"I’m gonna talk to the commander."

"Okay," you stepped beside her. "I’m going with you."

Bellamy stared at you both. "What else do you have to say?"

You sighed. "I don't know, but we need to try."

Raven stepped in front of you. "Give me your hand. If she won't let him go, kill her. Things will go crazy, and we'll grab you and Finn. Daisy, you and Clarke have to help him. I owe him my life."

Before you had a chance to say anything, Raven slipped a small knife into your hand.

—

As you and Clarke walked into the commander's tent, a grounder stepped forward and pressed a spear up against your chest.

Clarke seemed to know who the grounder was. "We are here to talk to your commander. Let us through."

Looking down, you noticed small drops of blood appearing on your top. The grounder has cut you.

"Let them pass," the commander said before looking you up and down. "You bleed for nothing. You cannot stop this."

As Clarke pleaded with Lexa to spare Finn’s life, you noticed Ada standing guard. When she noticed you walking toward her, she frowned. "You are here to beg for the traitor's life?"

"Finn’s my friend. He did an awful thing, something he can’t undo, but torturing him won’t bring anybody else back."

"He killed Zelda."

"I’m sorry…" you whispered. "It’s all my fault. He killed all those people because he thought they had taken me."

"You can’t save him, blood must have blood." Ada said harshly. "If you try to save him, all of your people will die."

Tears spilled onto your cheek. You turned to face the commander, "can I say good-bye?"

The commander paused for a moment before nodding. You were surprised that she was allowing you to talk to him, but you didn’t have time to overthink it. It was probably because of Clarke anyway. You needed to help him. You couldn’t let Finn die by the death of 1000 cuts.

You rushed towards Finn, and kissed him. "I love you, Finn, I never stopped."

"I’m scared."

You wiped tears from his cheek. "You’re gonna be ok. I won’t let you suffer." You kissed him once again, before showing him mercy. "You’re ok."

"Thanks, Daisy."

Stepping back, the only sound you could hear was your own sobs, mixed with Raven's screams, as you stared at Finn’s limp body.

Season two

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blazingopus · 3 years

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Diamonds and Pearls - Diamond is Unbreakable

I wrote this story for my sister, because she is really into Josuke. She read it and said that nothing much happens. It seems that I have much to learn when it comes to writing romance. Please enjoy.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2IFeTVorFps8gukz51x3CU?si=zntwgGbeRq-E6JpuBQeH9g

Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Doing that thing with your face when you are happy. It's making me nauseous."

The little town of Morioh. If you looked at it on a map, you would think that it was just a normal rural town in Japan. It's only when you step foot inside that you find out about its true nature. A town with secrets and strange occurrences around every corner. Not all of them bad, not all of them good. After a little while, you get a used to it. Morioh is my home, and the home of many other stand users.

One of these stand users is a friend of mine. His name is Higashikata Josuke. His mother and my mother were close friends for years. We knew each other before we were old enough to remember. We went to school together, we spent our summers together, our families celebrated holidays together. Many of the people who see us walking down the street together think we are brother and sister, or boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't know if we are either of those, but Josuke is very important to me. That's all I know.

Things got a little more strange than usual a couple weeks ago. It all started with this Kujo Jotaro wanting to talk to Josuke one day before school. He had some important information from Josuke's long lost father, who is also Jotaro's grandfather. Apparently, Josuke is Jotaro's uncle, even though Jotaro is at least ten years older. He also had warnings of a serial killer loose in Morioh. A very strange message, indeed.

And that is how our adventure began. Along the way, we picked up some new friends. Hirose Koichi can be a little timid and worrisome, but he has a good heart and will always try to do what's right. Nijimura Okuyasu may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but he will stick with you through thick and thin.

Koichi has some strange people that like to follow him around. He has a girlfriend named Yukako. She's crazy, but I can't tell if it is a good crazy or a bad crazy. Still, she seems very devoted to him and wants to see him happy. He also has a famous mangaka friend. You might have heard of Kishibe Rohan. He is the writer and author of one of the most popular mangas in all of Japan, Pink Dark Boy. He's also an asshole. Well, an asshole to everyone but Koichi. He seems to actually enjoy his company and is respectful towards him. Everyone else can go screw themselves, me included.

All this to say, we are a strange bunch. If this whole adventure with the stand bow and arrow hadn't happened, I don't think I would know all these people, and all the other people I have met around Morioh. Seriously, you need to go to Tonio's restaurant. He makes amazing food.

It was a Saturday, and I was heading to Josuke's house. He had bought a new videogame, and was really excited to show me how it played. I'm not very interested in video games, but I did it to make him happy. Just watching him get excited was enough for me. And I like being over at his house, his mom makes some good cookies.

I live a few doors down from him, so I walked over to his house and knocked on the door. A few seconds went by before he opened the door.

"Hey, how's it goin', (Y/N)?" he asked me with a smile. He was wearing his usual attire, hair neat as always.

I laughed a little. "Josuke, you just asked me that over the phone."

His eyes went wide for a moment, before giving a nervous chuckle and rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess I did, didn't I? Sorry about that, my mind has been all over the place."

"It's fine, Josuke. It doesn't hurt anyone. Now, didn't you say you had a new game to show me?" I dramatically held my chin and looked off into the distance.

"Yeah, come on in." He stepped out of the door with a grin on his face. I walked in and followed Josuke into the living room. In front of the tv, his console was hooked up and ready to play. Controllers snaking across the carpet. A few of his games were scattered around the floor, like he had been looking through them. Josuke sat down and patted the spot next to him.

After I sat down, he held out a controller. I stared at it before looking up at him.

He blinked. "It has a two player mode. Do you want to try it?"

I hesitantly took it from him. "Okay, but I don't think I will be very good. You know I don't really play video games."

He shrugged. "That's fine. I don't care how good you play, I just want to play with you." A slight blush came across his face.

Josuke turned on the console and the logo came up on screen. After a few seconds, it faded away and the start screen popped up. He went through the menu, selecting the game mode he wanted.

It was a spaceship shooter game. You moved your ship up and down the screen and shot at things as they floated in from the right side of the screen. Other ships came in and you had to avoid their laser missile things and stay alive. Josuke did his best to explain the controls, but I kept dying despite trying my hardest. He did most of the work getting through the levels. He was having a lot of fun with it, really getting competitive. He was taking out other ships, trying to get the best score.

It was when we got to the boss level, even he started to die. He concentrated more, getting really invested in the game. The only thing he could see was the collection of pixels on the screen. After a few rounds and a lot of hard work, we were able to finally defeat the boss.

"Yes!" Josuke pumped his fist in the air. "We did it, (Y/N)! We kicked that boss's butt!" He beamed at me.

I smiled back at him. "Yeah. You did great." I don't know how we did it, but I guess beating the first boss is a good thing.

He reached over and turned off the console. "You did pretty good too. Hey, I have an idea. Do you want to get ice cream to celebrate?"

'Uh, yeah." I didn't understand why we were celebrating playing a video game, but I will use any excuse to get ice cream.

Josuke stood up before reaching out a hand to help me off the floor. We walked out the front door and stepped onto the street. We began to find our way to downtown where our favorite ice cream shop is.

"Hey, um, (Y/N)?" He managed to say. "I want to talk to you about... Something important."

"What is it?" I asked looking up at him.

"Well, it's..."

"Hey, Josuke!" A familiar voice called out to us.

Across the street, Okuyasu and Koichi were on a walk of their own. Koichi was smiling at us, while Okuyasu was waving crazily at us. They crossed the street and came over to us.

"Hey guys. Koichi trotted over. "What are you doing today?"

Josuke shrugged. "Nothing much. Just heading to get some ice cream."

Okuyasu's eyes got really wide. "Whaaaaat? Ice cream? I love ice cream! Can we come along?"

"Yeah, that sounds great!" Koichi said with a smile.

Josuke didn't look so happy. "I would love to guys, but I was hoping I could spend the day with (Y/N). It's been a while since it's been the two us"

Okuyasu's smile turned into a sly grin. "Oh, I see. Are you and (Y/N) on a date or something?"

Josuke started to blush. "It's nothing like that. We just haven't spent as much time together as we used to."

Okuyasu nodded. "Uh huh. Whatever you say, Josuke."

Josuke clenched his fists. "What's that supposed to mean, huh?"

I grabbed Josuke's arm. "It's fine, Josuke. They can come with us to get ice cream if they want."

He sighed and relaxed a bit. "Fine, if you say so, (Y/N)."

"YES! WOO HOO!" Okuyasu yelled out.

Koichi looked up at me. "Thanks a lot, (Y/N). I appreciate it."

I smiled and nodded. "It's no problem. I like hanging out with you guys."

Together we set off to the ice cream parlor. Okuyasu was thinking out loud, trying to figure out what kind of ice cream he was going to get, and what kind of toppings he was going to put on it. Koichi was politely adding to the conversion. Josuke was oddly quiet. We seem sad and a little disheartened. I found it odd, because he usually likes going on adventures with these guys. What was so different about today?

We finally made our way to the ice cream parlor. There were many people outside, sitting on the metal furniture. One of those people was Kishibe Rohan. He was busy scribbling away with a notebook and pencil, taking quick glances at the shops across the street.

Koichi waved to him. "Hello Rohan-sensei. It's a nice day today, isn't it?"

He stopped sketching and looked up at us over his notebook. "Yes, I do believe it is." He glared at Josuke. "What are you doing here, Koichi?"

"We're getting ice cream," he replied excitedly. "What about you? What are you doing here Rohan-sensei?

He put his notebook and pencil down with a sigh." I was sketching some of the architecture around Morioh. While I am indeed one of the best artists in Japan, I like to keep my skills sharp. Drawing from life is important for an artist at any skill level."

"Wow, that's impressive." Koichi walked over to see Rohan's work.

"Yeah, real impressive," Josuke said with venom in his voice. "Let's get some ice cream already."

Koichi looked up from the notebook. "Oh, right. Sorry guys."

We walked in together. I ordered something I liked, while Koichi got vanilla ice cream with hot fudge and rainbow sprinkles. Okuyasu ordered a little bit of everything at the bar, and put every kind of topping on his ice cream. Josuke ordered, strangely, a chocolate malt milkshake. I don't think I have ever seen him order a malt. He likes banana splits. Was he really having an off day?

When we walked out to the patio, there was only one table available that would fit all four of us. It was next to Rohan, of course. Josuke sighed as we sat down.

"Please try to keep quiet," Rohan said without looking up from his drawing. "I'm working."

Okuyasu huffed. "We are not the only ones here, you know."

"I know," he said unfazed. "I told the other patrons the same thing. They are much more accommodating than you lot are."

Okuyasu growled and began to stand up. I glared at him. "Sit down and eat your ice cream. It will cool you down."

He reluctantly did what I said. "Ugh, he just gets on my nerves sometimes!"

"Believe me, I know." Josuke took a straw out of the dispenser in the middle of the table. He took the wrapper off and plunged into his malt.

Koichi took a bite of sprinkles and fudge. "C'mon, guys. He's not that bad."

"To you, maybe," I said with my mouth full. "But everyone else is a lower life form compared to his majesty and grace."

Rohan tilted his head over towards me. "I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about me if I wasn't here."

I glared right back at him. "Don't pretend you don't do the same thing to us all the time."

He sneered at me, but turned back to his work without another word.

I smirked. I got him that time.

Josuke gave me a small smile before taking a sip from his straw. I looked between him and his malt. "Josuke," I quietly asked, "I thought you liked banana splits. Why did you get a milkshake?"

He glanced up at me. "That's true, I do like those." He looked thoughtful. "But I do like a chocolate malt sometimes. But it's not just a normal milkshake. The malt makes the whole thing better."

"Huh," I thought out loud. "Can I try some?"

He blinked at me with wide eyes. "Yeah, sure." He grabbed another straw and put in the milkshake. He slid it over to me.

I caught it and I grabbed hold of my straw. I took a drink. The malt added a little something to the chocolate ice cream and milk blend. "Hm, not bad." I slid it back to him. "I see what you mean."

Josuke grabbed hold of the glass. "Right? I mean, I don't like to have it all the time. But it's good every so often."

Okuyasu looked at us with a sneaky glare. "So, are you guys going to drink at the same time all romantic and stuff?"

Josuke locked on to Okuyasu. "Would you just butt out, Okuyasu? You're not helping!"

He just shrugged. "I was just asking."

"Helping with what?" Koichi asked innocently.

Josuke whipped around. "It's... Just... It's nothing, Koichi. Don't worry about it."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "If you really want to, Josuke, I don't mind."

He looked at me and blushed a little. He seemed to be doing that a lot. "Don't feel like you have to, (Y/N)! It wasn't even my idea." He waved his hands in front of his face like he was trying to dismiss it.

I leaned over the table and took hold of the glass. I moved it to the center of the table. "I will if you do." I put my straw in my mouth, inviting him to do the same.

Okuyasu gave Josuke a little nudge with his elbow. After he gave him a nasky look, Josuke leaned over the table with me and grabbed hold of his straw. I giggle a little bit. This was so ridiculous, like this was in some cheesy romcom.

We both began to drink the milkshake. His face was so close to mine, I could look directly into his eyes. Our eyes met, and I started to giggle again. Josuke blushed some more. The glass was quickly emptying.

I pulled away and started laughing. Josuke also dropped his straw and sat in his seat again, a smile on his face.

"Yeah! Go Josuke!" Okuyasu announced and pulled him in for a side hug. Koichi gave a slow applause.

"Sorry Josuke," I said, feeling how warm my face was. "It just seemed so silly, I just couldn't stop myself. It was fun, though." A large smile was plastered on my face.

Josuke also broke out in a huge grin. "Yeah, kinda was." He gave out a chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Stop that." Rohan ordered from the other table, his eyes boring into Josuke.

Josuke leaned over so he could get a better look at him. "Stop what?"

Rohan narrowed his eyes and looked condescendingly at him "Doing that thing with your face when you are happy. It's making me nauseous."

Josuke pushed the chair out from under him. "That's it. I'm tired of this. CRAZY DIAMOND!"

"Heaven's Door!"

Both Josuke and Rohan were ready to attack, poised to beat the crap out of each other.

"Both of you, stop!" I ran out in between them, arms raised out to block them. Koichi quickly ran to my side, calling upon Echoes. "Now is not the time or the place to be doing this!" I yelled, looking back and forth between them. "Now settle down. You're already causing a scene."

Josuke looked around him, huffed, and then dismissed Crazy Diamond. "Alight, (Y/N), I'll do this for you." He turned and pointed at Rohan. "But next time, I'll beat the ever-loving shit out of you, Rohan"

Rohan smirked and grabbed his supplies. "You can certainly try, Josuke. I look forward to our next meeting." He walked away, leaving us to watch his stupid, sassy strides.

"Son of a bitch," Josuke muttered under his breath, his fist clenched so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

"Don't let him get to you, Josuke," I gave him a sympathetic look. "He's just trying to get you worked up."

He looked down at his feet. "Yeah, you're probably right." He looked back up at me and gave me a half-hearted smile. "Thanks."

I returned the smile. "Let's finish up our ice cream, okay?"

It was later in the afternoon. After a fun time with Okuyasu and Koichi, both went to their respective homes. They had responsibilities they had to attend to. It was just me and Josuke walking home together. It was bringing back old memories of all the time we had walked home together after school. We walked silently, letting the sounds of Morioh fill the space between us.

"Hey, um," Josuke said quietly. "I'm sorry about what happened today. I didn't mean for any of that Rohan stuff to happen." He paused for a moment and rubbed his neck. "I hope I didn't ruin it for you."

I shook my head. "No, not really. Rohan was the one causing trouble, not you. And nothing was ruined for me." I smiled at him "It's just another day in this crazy, noisy, bizarre town of ours."

He watched my face, looking for some sort of hidden emotion or answer. When he couldn't, he smiled back. "Well, I'm happy about that, at least."

We walked for a little bit longer, letting the silence get comfortable around us. A thought crept into my head as we traveled down the sidewalk.

"Josuke?"

"Yeah?"

"Didn't you say you had something important to ask me?"

"Um," He almost stopped walking. He was avoiding my gaze "Yeah, but it's not that important. Don't worry about it"

"If it wasn't important, you wouldn't need to ask me. Besides, you said yourself that it was important." I tried to get a good look at him. "What is it Josuke? You can ask me anything."

He stopped walking. "Well, I..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes again, and looked me dead in the eyes. He was going to get it out even if it killed him, I could tell.

"(Y/N), I like you a lot. I like like you a lot." He paused. "I've wanted to ask this for a long time. Would you be my girlfriend? Don't feel like you have to say yes, or anything, just because we're friends. But if you really want to..."

I took his hand in mine. "Yes, Josuke. I will be your girlfriend." I giggled a little, my cheeks getting warm. "I like like you too. And not just because we're friends."

He stood there stunned for a few moments. Then a huge smile spread across his face. "Really?"

I nodded, feeling really giddy inside.

He leaned in and scooped me into a hug. He lifted me off the ground, my feet dangling under me. I let myself melt into him, enjoying the love and warmth. We had given each other hugs before in the past, but this one was different. This one was special. I think we both could feel it.

When we finally pulled away, all we could do was look at each other and laugh to ourselves. "You know," Josuke mumbles a bit, "I kind of had this whole day planned out and everything." He chuckles a bit. " Guess I didn't need to go through all that, did I?"

I give him a smile. "No. I would have said yes, no matter how you asked me. Besides, you can't plan for anything in Morioh. At least one thing will throw off. your entire day."

"Yeah, I guess so."

I reached out and took his hand. He slid his fingers in between mine, and gave my hand a small squeeze. We walked the rest of the way like this, both blushing a bit. It felt a little like a dream, like this was never supposed to happen. But it did, and I couldn't be happier.

We walked until we were standing in front of his house. His was the first stop, while mine was a few more houses down. Josuke sighed and looked down at me. "Well, this is it."

"Yeah," I sighed back. I didn't want this to end. Like if I let go of Josuke's hand, the spell would break, and everything would be undone. The dream would end, and everything would go back to the way it was.

Josuke looked at me for a moment, looking unsure of himself. He took a deep breath and gathered his courage. He leaned in, and slowly kissed my cheek. When he pulled away, I could feel my face flare up and turn red. I looked at Josuke. His face was just as red as mine felt.

"Well," I managed to stutter out. "I'll see you later, Josuke."

"Yeah, you too (Y/N)."

Then we both turned away. All things considered, it was a pretty awesome day. And I couldn't wait to spend another one with my boyfriend, Higashikata Josuke.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo's bizarre adventure diamond is unbreakable #diamond is unbreakable #josuke higashikata #josuke x reader #jjba #jjba oneshot #jjba x reader #jjba reader insert #jjba fanfiction

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vickyskpopkingdom · 3 years

Text

ATEEZ - From The Wonderland pt.3

the third and final part of this story! i you haven't please read the previous two parts of this to understand everything :)

besides that: hope you have fun reading the boss fight & the conclusion! and don't forget to support ateez as well as the other groups on kingdom!

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

warnings: guns, swords, fighting, drinking

1.4k words

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Wooyoung tried to catch his breath. He could still feel some hands on him. He was too tired, too worn out to fight those remaining around him. At least they stopped for now so that he could try to asses the situation around him. He lifted his head to see Hongjoong running towards him from behind a huge rock, his iconic fur coat floating behind him. With only a few but well placed punches and kicks Hongjoong had pushed the last skeletons that still had a hold on Wooyoung back.

"Good to see you still alive, man", the captain said as he helped his friend stand up, an arm around his upper body to support him.

"I am also very glad to still be alive."

Hongjoong couldn't help but smile. They weren't safe yet but he felt a lot better by just seeing Wooyoung alive and relatively unharmed.

"Thank you, Hongjoong", Wooyoung said sincerely, putting all his gratitude in those three words.

"Don't mention it."

The captain looked around the dome again. Seonghwa and Yeosang were still fighting and Hongjoong could see skeletons approaching him and Wooyoung again as well. And above all this were still the watchful eyes of the Kraken which was twitching with its tentacles as if it was undecided whether it should intervene in the fights or stay still and watch it play out.

Hongjoong didn't have as much time as the monster to decide what he should do. He needed to asses the situation fast, recollect his members and form a strategy to get them all out of here before everything escalated even more. Right now helping Wooyoung get to a place of safety was his top priority.

"Let's get moving, Woo", he tried motivating his friend to walk faster.

He could tell that Wooyoung was trying his best to not be a burden on Hongjoong but the skeletons have not been kind to him. He looked over his shoulders in a rush, trying to figure out how close the skeletons were to them right now. Maybe he would need to put Wooyoung down to push their enemies back again and continue moving after that. Before he could make up his mind however he could hear faint yelling from one of the many tunnels that lead into the dome. It came closer and closer. Wooyung couldn't help but laugh at the sound, while Hongjoong sighed. "They really can't be quiet even when trying to surprise their enemies."

As if to prove his point San broke out from a tunnel close to them, looking around, seeing his friends and letting out an excited yell before engaging in his first fight. Shortly after Yunho and Jongho followed. The older of the two had already drawn his sword and was more than ready to fight. Neither of the three really took time to acknowledge the Kraken at the back end. But maybe that was for the better. Right now it seemed like the skeletons were a more immediate problem.

From what he could see Yeosang felt like they really took down a large number of skeletons, leaving the dome rather empty. Only a few were remaining, scattered throughout their hideout and unsure of this situation. Yeosang and Seonghwa moved towards their friends, making sure that all of them okay, or at least as okay as can be expected under the given circumstances.

"We need to get out of here", Hongjoong ordered as soon as they all came together again.

"But the treasure-", Wooyoung argued.

Six pairs of eyes landed on him, looking him up and down skeptically almost as if they could not believe that he out of all people present would suggest staying longer on this island.

"Well, I'm just saying we didn't come all the way out here and fight a bunch of dead-but-not-dead skeletons to leave empty-handed right?"

"I agree", San voiced his thoughts as he kicked one of said skeletons back that had tried to approach them.

Jongho shook his head. "Of course you two would agree with each other. Have you taken a look at that Kraken? It only needs to slam down one of its tentacles on us and we would be dead."

"It definitely is too huge for us to kill it", Hongjoong considered their options, "And we don't know anything about it."

Yunho took a quick look at the red sea-creature towering over the waters surface only a few meters away from them. It was still unmoving, waiting. He shivered and turned his eyes away. "I feel like that thing is watching us."

"We know something", Seonghwa spoke up now. He took his rifle and spun it around in his hand. A neat little trick that always gained attention from the younger members of their crew even though they had seen it countless times before. Somehow they were unable to do it themselves and thus never ceased to be amazed by their older friends skill. "Remember that one rumor about it's weak spot? Right in the middle of this things eyes." He pointed between his own two eyes to accentuate his argument.

"It's just a rumor", Yeosang reasoned.

"So were the rest of the things we had heard before and now look at us."

Everyone turned to Hongjoong. The final decisions were always up to him. He was their leader, the one they trusted the most. If he would tell them to try it, they would do it without hesitation. Their captain seemed to be deep in thought, pricking small strands of fur from his coat and rolling it between his fingers.

"Do you think you can make that shot, Seonghwa?", he finally asked.

Seonghwa smiled. "You know that I can."

"Then do it."

Seonghwa didn't need to be told twice. Immediately he got into position, taking his aim. At this the Kraken let out another of his terrifying screeches. Although they were kind of used to it by now the pirates couldn't suppress the goosebumps on their bodies. But they could not stay standing around and wait. The noise the Kraken had made called the remaining skeletons to action once more. They were now charging at the group.

"Make sure Seonghwa can make this shot undisturbed!", Hongjoong ordered, before the first enemy reached them.

He would not have needed to tell them that because they were more than ready to keep their sharp-shooter safe for the final blow on the monster that would grant them access to riches they had never seen before which was the sole purpose of this trip. They had experienced so much in the last hours. There was no way they would be giving up now. Not as long as they were together.

Seonghwa took a deep breath and steadied his aim. The Kraken tried to move around but it's movement was way too restricted by the walls of stone. It's only route of escape was to go back in the water. But Seonghwa was ready. The monster tried to retreat down into the sea as Seonghwa pulled the trigger. The bullet crossed the remaining space in no time and landed right between the Krakens eyes, piercing through it's flesh and leaving a hole.

The Kraken emitted it's final scream. A scream of so much pain and horror that it made the stone vibrate and the fire of the torches flicker heavily.

"It's done."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That can not be true", the older pirate said accusingly. He had taken the empty shot glass into his hand and was waving it around. Another hiccup escaped his throat. "We would have heard by now."

The woman behind the bar shrugged. "Not if you only talk to the same two people every time you come here."

The man stood up straight, however still grabbing onto the bar. He pointed at the woman with one of his slightly crooked fingers. "Don't talk to me like that. And don't think you can just sell us this stupid fairy-tale!"

Before he was able to slam down the glass on wood of the counter someone grabbed his wrist, stopping his movement mid air.

"Is he bothering you, miss?", a rather amused sounding voice asked.

"Just another rude customer, nothing I couldn't handle", she answered, a smile tugging at her lips at the sight of seven familiar faces in front of her. "Maybe you should let him go, Hongjoong, and instead tell him about your last adventure."

The younger of the two drinking pirates, who had been quietly thinking this whole time, finally took a look at the new arrivals. His mouth dropped open slightly as he recognized the men that were now taking a seat on the counter around them. "Aren't- aren't- aren't you guys ATEEZ?" This time it wasn't the alcohol that made his voice crack.

"Oh, so you have heard of us?", the man called Hongjoong laughed. "Yes, we are ATEEZ. Do you want to hear our story?"

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and with that we are finished! considering all 3 parts i wrote 7.5k words about a 4 minute performance so i don't know what that says about me...

if you read through all of these parts congrats & thank you very much! if there is a mv you personally would like to see made into a story don't hesitate to send me a link, maybe i can write something about it <3

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this-lioness · 4 years

Text

Another bullshit update on life in general

Work has kept me busy, and I’ve been trying to get more done creatively and around the house, as well.

This was the first weekend in awhile I didn’t do any (or much) meal prep, since we had enough in the freezer to last us for all the dinners this week, and even a few lunches for Marc. I made a dozen eggs, cut up and roasted almost 5 lbs of potatoes, and called it a day.

I cancelled the physical therapist, because between work, gym, housekeeping and trying to do something other than being a machine I did not have time for an additional two rounds of exercises every single day. We were getting up at 5 AM, leaving for work at 6:30 AM, leaving work for home at 5 PM, getting home from the gym around 7, then eating for a half hour. It was not going to happen.

We ended up cancelling the gym membership, because -- as much as we want to go -- we are just too tired and hungry after an hour-long commute to be like, “Yay, let’s do something tedious and exhausting for a half hour!”

The long term goal was to cancel the membership anyway, however. I told Marc I want us to concentrate on finishing the sheetrock in the former “cat room” this coming weekend so that we actually use it for its intended purpose, which was exercise. I have that barre I bought last year that I haven’t had time or room to use even once, and the treadmill and hand weights is just sitting and collecting dust. So anyway, that’s the plan for next weekend.

We will also be fostering two cats in the next couple weeks, and trying to find them a home. Long story short we met an artist at one of the galleries downtown, very nice guy, and his friend or nephew or I forget has recently knocked up his girlfriend and decided, “Well, we need to move and get rid of the cats I guess!”

So they’re two year-old sisters, and he wants them to stay together, which is fine. Like Rosie, they actually look very young, like maybe only 5 months old. They have never been to the vet in their life, so no shots, and neither of them are fixed, which means it will be on us to take care of all that before they get adopted out. I’m sure he’s going to be a great Dad [/sarcasm].

When Marc found out that the cats needed a full vet workup, including spay, he was initially resistant due to the cost. I said okay, if you’re not comfortable with it you’re not comfortable with it, and went upstairs to investigate our options. The Walmart just opened up a “Vet IQ” clinic that does basic veterinary care, and we can utilize a local spay clinic for about $50 per cat, so on that end alone we’d be shelling out less than $300 (there’s always food and litter, of course).

After awhile Marc came up and was like, “I think I was a little hasty, I’m sure we can make it work.” After I told him the anticipated costs he was much more into it, so that’s good. Hopefully we won’t have any trouble finding a home for them.

Rosie is doing well at feeding time in her crate! It has not stopped her from being an absolute maniac spaz about food, but there is almost no growling at all while she eats now. She goes in her crate, Marc covers it up with a towel, and she eats with seemingly less hysterical anxiety. I’ll call it a tentative win.

Rosie, by the way, loves Bones. Bones can usually take her or leave her, although his tolerance level is much higher when she’s not acting the spaz, although you see moments of affection for her as well. She greets him with a nice long body rub when they cross paths, and yesterday Marc caught him grooming her head. It does my heart good.

At the risk of jinxing myself, I’ve been doing much better at bowling for the past few weeks! I did decently at league on Friday, and when we went for our Sunday practice I had a series of something like 145, 106 and 140. Considering I was lucky to break 100 a couple months ago I’m feeling very encouraged.

What has worked for me, honestly, is throwing out a lot of convention wisdom. Marc has always been very patient with me, explaining game theory and approach and all that, but no matter how much I tried to put it all together it just wasn’t working. And I was really, really trying.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was chatting with someone about Dyscalculia, and did a bit more casual reading about it. I was reminded that it often causes issues with spatial awareness, something I can absolutely vouch for (I actually suspect it’s part of what’s caused me to have such persistent problems with perspective and anatomy over the years, although that’s a discussion for another time.)

So I started keeping that in mind when we play: I used the techniques that I knew were helpful, but in any aspect where I was supposed to do one thing, but consistently got unexpected and problematic results, I tried to go more by “feel”.

It’s hard to explain why this works, but it has so far. Basically, I had to throw out the notion of bowling at “angles”, and became more of a straight-shooter, keeping in mind that my ball does have a tendency to hook left. I got something like 3 or 4 strikes in one game on Friday!

Which is not to say that I’m suddenly a good bowler, because I’m not, but I’m better, which is what I wanted. What’s annoying is when (admittedly well-meaning) people are like, “Here’s what you’re doing wrong!” and try to teach me about techniques which I already know, but which just don’t work for me.

This happened two weeks ago I think, and I’m sure the lady meant well, but she also was ignoring me when I said multiple fucking times, “I understand, but I have spatial awareness problems, that doesn’t work for me.”

Like, repeating something at me over and over is not going to make it any more true. I hear what you’re saying, you’re just wrong.

So in other news I finished two more of the Mori Girl Cats, and that dumb little werewolf thing that was strictly for my own amusement. (Someone was like, “That would make a great t-shirt,” and haha, I’m not fucking falling for that one again.) I also organized the office / computer area of the Geek Room, we stashed away the last of the convention stuff, and it feels much more clean and open and neat. A place I actually want to hang out, and not anxiously work while avoiding the pile of shit sitting behind me!

Last night I also installed Sims 3 and treated myself to a handful of expansion and “stuff” packs. I only had enough time to create one Sim last night, but I already look forward to giving him a cold.

…*cough*...

Unrelated, but I meant to talk about something that happened last Wednesday, when I was out running my Mom around to her appointments and whatnot.

So… for anyone who didn’t follow me on Facebook or my old Tumblr, the short version is that my Mom and I have a very long and complicated history. She was not a very good mother, she is a textbook covert narcissist. She was an alcoholic for many, many years which caused serious and life-altering problems for me as a teenager and young adult, and after she got sober she transitioned to a prescription drug addiction which further deteriorated our already tenuous and fraught relationship, and landed both her and my stepfather in financial ruin.

About a year and a half ago, to help save them from the road to homelessness, we helped them sell their old house and moved them to Bucks County to live about 10 minutes from us, in a mobile home park. We helped them get it fixed up, we help with maintenance, running errands, etc. It’s a very cute little house, and although it took some time I think they see that now, and that their lives are better off.

When they first moved up here my mother was still on prescription drugs, but she very quickly found that it was impossible to find a new doctor to continue prescribing her the same pharmaceutical cocktails she wanted. And boy did she fucking try. She’s already changed doctors at least three or four times since moving here, whipping out her favorite refrain of “I don’t think this doctor knows what they’re talking about!” every time they’re like, “Yeah, you don’t need to be on a steady stream of opiates.”

Eventually the lack of drugs caught up with her, the withdrawal passed, and for the past year or so she and I have actually gotten along okay. She is still, and always will be, a difficult person, and I worry about whether or not she’ll find a doctor to start filling prescriptions again, but until then things are… okayish.

Anyway, that’s the long back story.

Back when they were still living at their old house, Marc and I would periodically go to visit them. My Mom was always drugged out of her gourd, so I fucking hated going, but I had to do my duty, and she made every excuse imagineable for why she couldn’t come visit us. So once a month we’d pack up, trek over to her house, order take-out, hang out for a while, then go back home again.

Except my Mother would do this thing where, after the food arrived, she would put the plates out, and then she would continue to gather plates and reorganize the kitchen while everyone was sitting down, serving themselves and eating.

Like, the food would be on the table, we’d all be halfway through our meals and well on our way to being done, and my Mom would still be in the kitchen sorting around in the drawers for a mystery spoon or bowl that she needed, then finding it, washing it out, drying it, realizing it was the wrong one, putting it away, etc.

Eventually she would come out while everyone else was finishing up, serve herself a tablespoon of food, eat half, and then talk about how full she was.

For a while we would be like, “Mom… everyone is eating. We have everything we need. We literally don’t need anything else. Just come in and eat,” and she would ignore us. Eventually I just stopped caring, and let her do her thing while the rest of us ate. The sooner we finished the sooner we could leave.

I don’t know how else to describe her behavior apart from manic. Like, when it was time to order, if I asked her for a menu, she would bring me the menu, and for fifteen minutes after I had called to place the order she would still be rooting through the drawers looking for more / other menus. She would get herself so worked up that sometimes while we were sitting downstairs hanging out she’d have to go up and be sick.

All this just to give you a sense of what she used to be like.

Anyway. I’m driving her home from an appointment on Wednesday, and she’s commenting how all of us just naturally turn into their mothers as we get older, even though we don’t want to. In that I stayed dead silent through this observation I think she recognized that I disagreed. So then she moved on to how different some daughters are from their mothers, especially in the kitchen.

And she said to me, “Like when I cook, I have to clean as I go along, I can’t just put everything in the sink until later. Remember when you used to come over to eat, and you’d say to me, ‘Mom, come and eat, the food is ready!’ and I’d be so busy cleaning up that I wouldn’t even realize!”

And I’m like, “....”

Because that’s not what happened. That’s not even fucking remotely what happened. So she has spun the reality where she is an out-of-control manic drug addict and spun it into a funny story about how she’s such a neat freak that she doesn’t realize it’s time to eat.

I was sorely tempted to correct her, but at the last second realized it wouldn’t make a difference either way. She is never going to look back on her behavior with any kind of clarity, and trying to force her to do so would just make the day end on a sour note. If she wants to live in delusion, that’s on her. I can tolerate it, but I’m certainly not going to feed into it by saying something like, “Yes, that’s precisely how it happened.”

She’ll have to learn to interpret the silence on her own.

Anyway, I guess that’s it. Greatly looking forward to getting home and having a nice night on the couch, or maybe playing Sims some more. I may even make some tea.

I hope all of you are doing well <3

#oc #personal #fortysomething #blog

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heartlesslywhumping · 5 years

Text

I got an ask regarding some touchy subjects and rather than just respond to the ask and have it pop up in everyone’s feeds, I decided to copy/paste the question under a cut.

Here are the trigger warnings,

TW: Loss of a loved one TW: Guns TW: Shootings

im writing a story about my oc’s life after she finds out that her boyfriend died in a school shooting he was responsible for & im having trouble writing the grieving process for her. her facing the fact that she misses him & still loves him but is shocked & appalled @ the actions he committed, not wanting to believe that he was planning something so horrific, or wanting to believe he was even capable of doing something like that. (i get it if u don’t want to tho, it’s a bit controversial)

Before I start, I’d like to remind everybody that all the research I put out is taken from the internet, conversations with people I know, and the occasional book. I am not a professional in the matters of mental health and this is not infallible, my word is not law and this is for fun and writing purposes only. Seek out real help in the form of counselors, doctors, and therapists if you are affected in real life.

So I’m sure everyone is aware of the five stages of grief. A lot of people use that for the end all, be all of writing grief but the thing is, there is no end all be all when it comes to emotions or brain stuff.

Some people fit that mold exactly whereas others skip all but one. Some speed through and some take ages in each stage. There is no neat lineup of emotions, more like a roller coaster that never ends. An unfortunate side effect of the firm belief in the five stages means that some people criticize themselves for “not grieving correctly”. Each grieving process is unique as each person is unique.

Of course, misunderstanding the grieving process can lead to some fun internal angst!

That being said, I think it’s important to know and acknowledge the five stages of grief. To keep this from being a crazy long, college essay length response, I’m going to try to keep all of this brief. If you (or anyone) would like further information about any of these individual steps and would like my help in research, just let me know!

Denial: Denial is stage number one. It most often shows itself by being unable to acknowledge situations, avoiding the facts of a problem, and downplaying the consequences of issues. It can show up in regards to anything that makes one feel vulnerable or out of control. Which is basically grief. These days, doctors say that a bit of denial is actually good and can be helpful. It gives the brain little doses of what has happened, protecting us from taking in too much too soon. The brain naturally gives us little breaks to process, regroup, and try again. However, denial can easily become unhealthy. When one avoids a problem altogether, the denial stops one from taking important actions, or a person becomes unable to face anything or delaying getting help

Anger: Lashing out at others, at yourself, and even at the person who died. There’s anger at being left behind, being in pain, that life has changed, at the events that led up to death, there’s even anger at being angry. This is probably a lot of what your character will feel, potentially even the majority or getting stuck in that feeling. There’s the anger that the boyfriend did this, anger that there was nothing your character could do, anger that the boyfriend died, anger at themselves for grieving or being angry at the dead.

Bargaining: This most often shows up before someone dies. The sudden return to faith, the praying, the thought of karma, all those things. After death it shows up in “What if I did [blank], then could I have stopped this?” “If only I had done, said, noticed [blank], then this wouldn’t have happened”, “What if when they said or did [blank], that was a sign?” It’s a lot of blaming oneself for something that was completely out of their control. Were there signs? Was there something I could have done? It can turn utterly unreasonable, too. “If I had eaten the carrot first instead of the potato, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” People can even go into the somewhat fantastical idea that if they do one thing or another, than they will wake up and it will all have been a bad dream or misunderstanding. It can also turn into “If I do XYZ, then this will never happen to me again.'' This is another stage I wouldn’t be surprised if your character kept returning to.

Depression: This is when the “sad” part of grief shows itself most clearly. It feels as though it will last forever. This term doesn’t mean the mental illness, it means the response to loss. People often withdraw from life, they wonder what the point is of anything, they get lost in a fog. The realization of loss hits hard and is understandably depressed. Can this all lead to a mental illness? Of course. But having depressive reactions to depressive situations is a normal response. The odd thing would be to not experience depression after depressing situations.

Acceptance: This is often confused with the sun coming out and everything being okay again. The reality is, nothing will go back to the way it was. One may never be okay with what happened. And that’s normal. Acceptance is accepting the reality that a loved one is gone and recognizing that this reality is your new reality. One may not like it or find it to be “okay” but it’s reality now. People learn to live with it and keep going. They learn how to live in a world where their loved one is gone. They readjust and realize that they can’t live in or change the past. There is no replacing someone but one can move on, make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new lives overall. Many people see this as a betrayal of a loved one but it’s not. It’s continuing to live life. You aren’t replacing someone, you can’t replace someone. But you can make new relationships and lives while respecting and loving those who have gone.

Now, of course everyone grieves differently. These five stages don’t always occur in this order, some last longer than others, some don’t show up, some keep coming back for more. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, it just happens. Some show their pain externally, some keep it internal. It’s all different and it’s all okay. Understanding these stages is important but they fluctuate.

Some Final Notes about Grief: Grief shakes faith. That doesn’t just mean religion, although yes, that too. Faith in the world is shaken, faith in ourselves, each other, anyone that could be perceived to have “stopped” this. Law enforcement, medical professionals, caretakers, etc. Some ask how such a thing could have happened to such a good person or how the world is so unfair. People also are shaken in themselves and their relationships. Who are they without their loved one? Who were they before? Who are they going to be after? Some people may try to go back to the way they were before but come to realize that there is no going back. We are often defined by others. We define ourselves by our relationships to people. We are certain people to our spouses, our siblings, children, friends, coworkers, etc. We’re mentors, we’re caregivers, we’re the mom friend, we’re the bad influence, etc. When someone passes away, it can feel like we’ve lost that part of ourselves as well. That is part of grief. Your character may wonder where they stand now, they’re the “girlfriend of a school shooter”, what does that mean? This of course, spurs the whole bargaining and blaming and all of that stuff.

Second thing I want to mention: Trauma. This is a traumatic event, regardless of whether your character was there or not. The moment she is told turns into a traumatic event. She may feel that she doens’t have the right to be traumatized because she wasn’t affected. But she was. She is just as traumatized as anyone else, just in a different way. She will likely have some post-traumatic effects. This may or may not lead to PTSD, but there will be lasting effects.

Side note: PTSD can happen to anyone. Most people refer it to war events but it can happen to anyone that has had a traumatic event occur in their lives.

People affected by trauma tend to feel unsafe. Whether that’s in their bodies, in their abilities, in their relationships with others, what have you. Regaining a sense of safety can take anymore from days to years. It’s often hard for people to regulate or soothe difficult emotions in their lives that they may not associate directly to the trauma. They may also find speaking about their trauma overwhelming. There are actually researchers trying to find nonverbal ways to help emotional regulation.

Processing trauma puts words, emotions, and meaning to it. This is most commonly undertaken with a therapist or a counselor. Attending to safety allows one to move through processing and integrated it rather than reacts to it. Now, people often can be overwhelmed and emotionally flooded while processing. The feeling of safety and stability must be regained before moving on with a personal recovery or story. The point of processing is not to relive the trauma but it’s also not meant to tell a story without any emotions. This involves exploration, mourning, and remembrance of what happened, along with the space to grieve and express emotions.

Eventually, people find their new sense of self and reality. They redefine themselves in the context of new reality. Trauma no longer becomes a defining aspect of their life. They are not organizing their life around their traumatic experiences. Trauma becomes integrated into the story of their life but it is not the story that defines them. Eventually, people come to recognize the impact of their trauma but are able to take concrete steps towards empowerment and a new way of living. Some find this through a mission to help them heal and grow further, such as mentoring. Regardless of how it’s achieved, recovery is different for everyone. Many feel this burning desire to get better quickly and can feel frustration that a process is taking too long or they’re not doing it right. Sprinkle heavy air quotations around all of this. Recovery is not defined by the complete absence of thoughts or feelings around trauma but the ability to live with it in a way that it’s not controlling your life. It’s important for those recovery to be gentle, patient, and compassionate with themselves. However, because emotions are wack, they’ll likely need someone to help them with this as they will not be at all kind to themselves.

Now, I’ve thrown around the term “Integration.” What does that mean? Trauma integration is a process in which trauma is acknowledged to be a part of a new, ongoing reality but is no longer the center of experience and life because it is surrounded by awareness. In better terms, it’s realizing that trauma happened and is a part of your life story but it does not define your life story.

Here is a helpful image that explains what happens before, during, and after trauma. The creator says that her view of this “roadmap” is a circle, not a line. None of these stages are “one and done”. Survivors of trauma usually go through every stage multiple times with varying lengths and intensities. It’s a spiral, not a line.

I’m going to post more research regarding trauma later, because I think it’s neat for writers but especially whumpers.

The final thing I want to offer is that I would not be surprised if your character dealt with survivor’s guilt. If you don’t know what that is, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Guilt that you survived where others did not. Now, your character may not have been in any direct danger but her guilt over the fact it was her boyfriend that killed others will likely be the same. I know people that have dealt with survivor’s guilt because their house did not burn down in a wildfire and their friend’s did. It’s the feeling that one has done something wrong by surviving a tragic even where others succumbed. It can even show up in an employee who kept their job when an equally qualified co-worked was laid off. Emotions are wack.

Of course, it’s not logical for someone to feel responsible for another person’s fate but humans rarely have control over their guilt.

There is the obvious guilt over surviving. That one stayed safe where others didn’t, even if the person in question was whole countries away. The feeling that one does not deserve to be safe or should have been harmed/affected as well. One finds themselves questioning the fairness of the world or hating their “good fortune.”

Then there’s guilt over what “should” have been done. There’s remorse that maybe one didn’t do enough. They should have known, should have tried harder, done better, etc. It’s an inflated sense of failure or responsibility. Back to bargaining with the sense that someone should have done something differently. Eventually, one has to realize that there’s only so much a single person can do.

There’s more guilt over what you did. Leaving behind family for better or safer opportunities, pushing someone out of the way while running from danger, etc. There’s also the potential guilt for coincidence. Waylon Jennings was supposed to be on the plane that crashed and killed Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper, and Ritchie Valens. Jennings told Holly that he had given up his seat to a flu-stricken Big Bopper and Jennings would instead be taking the unheated tour bus. Holly joked that he hoped Jennings froze on the bus. Jennings responded with “I hope your ol’ plane crashes.” Later, Jennings said that for years he thought he caused the plane crash.

Now we know there was no way Jennings caused the crash through a teasing comment, but guilt is funny that way.

Survivors often try not to think or talk about an event. Additionally, many feel on edge, vigilant, paranoid, detached, easily startled. They may obsess over what happened, feel confused, unworthy about living, unsure of the meaning of life, or are plagued by the sense that no matter where they go or what they do, they're never safe. This may appear in your character feeling that she never truly knows someone else and can never trust another person.

Eventually your character will have to learn to forgive herself, even though she didn’t (or did, depending on your story) cause anything to prompt her boyfriend to do that.

Final notes: Grief doesn’t just go away. It sticks around for years after. Sometimes you’re hit by it out of the blue random. The wounds remain but the pain lessens and life goes on. Recovery is possible and reachable, but grief will always stay. Recovery, peace, and healing are not found in another person. A new relationship or a discussion with another victim will not heal your character. She may find closure in talking with others, she may find help from a therapist, but one person cannot heal another. There is help, there are resources, and it will all help her to heal but ultimately that comes from her. A physical therapist cannot touch you and presto! You’re healed and strong again. They can train you and help you work through your pain until you body is strong but it will be your muscles that heal and your body that fixes. It’s the same way for mental health. A therapist or counselor will help but they cannot give you a new brain or heal it for you. Of course, your character can be in a new relationship by the end of the story but I would be careful about framing things to seem like her new boy/girlfriend is the cure for her. They cannot fix her or give her peace. They may love and support her but I would just be aware not to frame things like a new relationship is her cure.

That’s it from me! Already this is pretty crazy long and that’s the gist of things. If you would like my research and input on other things, let me know!

#tw guns #tw shooting #tw violence #tw death #tw loss of a loved one #anonymous #heartless answers

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cloudybookash-blog · 5 years

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Just finished the first season of She-Ra and I only have a small amount of complaints that I think fall more into my personal opinion on characterizations and story lines than anything else.

Love that the princesses that are there from the beginning are cute, gay and happy. Love that for them.

Love the diversity. Glimmer is body divergent but it never addressed as something inherently bad, or as a flaw - homegirl just look like that. Beau (Bo?) being part of the princesses because he is, and all his little background mannerisms where he’s seen cleaning and keeping things neat.

Scorpia’s entire personality is the greatest, she’s such a realistic character who belongs to a family that gave their allegiance and power source to the horde willingly and she prides herself in her role by taking care of her troops and running a tight ship whilst also being one of the bad guys because well, she was never welcome with any of the other princesses. Her story is so believable and truly underrated. Plus, she’s just very nice.

The other princesses having such a wide array of personalities (albeit without many complexities, I’ll admit) is refreshing.

I’m a fan of the art-style, love all the pretty colors (and kind of reminds me of Steven Universe, ngl). Each setting has its own beautiful color palette, which is always helpful in identifying new places and remembering them when there are about 10.

My only problems really came in three (maybe four) people.

1. Adora. If anything I would’ve thought she’d make the perfect villain. First in everything, the favorite, constantly better than her peers with the emotional range of a teaspoon. Yes, yes, she’s fantastic with her new friends but we’ve seen better characters. She’s given multiple occasions to coerce her old crew into joining the rebellion but she never takes them, and when she does it’s done without heart, like I questioned her integrity a couple of times she just didn’t seem all that willing to help her old friends.

Yes, with Bow (apparently that’s how his name is spelled) and Glimmer she’s loyal and caring, thoughtful even. But none of that loyalty and thoughtfulness is present in her previous relationships. Upon finding out that the Horde is evil and that she more than likely was kidnapped as a young child (insinuating that almost EVERY horde soldier was stolen from their families) she doesn’t, not once, speak to her entire old crew and show them what she knows in a way that isn’t overtly condescending.

There’s a moment where I think Catra is going to join Adora, but even then, Adora is only bargaining, and asking Catra to join her because Catra is literally about to kill her. And EVEN THEN she barely tried, rather than apologising for not being aware enough when they were kids to stand up for Catra in a way that would’ve mattered to her, she just goes on about how Catra doesn’t have to do this. This forces Catra to give up her grounds has someone who’s been wronged because the wrong-does refuses to admit fault.

Like I said, my problems are probably all to do with personal preferences of characters. People probably view this as a unique flaw never really had in an MC before. Except, it’s pretty common in male MC’s in high fantasy’s. And I not only read a lot of those, but also hate them specifically because the characters have minimal self awareness and almost 0% integrity anytime they’re genuinely confronted with their flaws.

2. Catra. Listen, she would’ve been a GREAT She-Ra. You can’t deny it. She’s always coming in second best, she can never get ahead, she’s not only hated but has been actively tortured because of her ties to Adora. She’s been told the only reason she’s kept around is because Adora seems to like her. She’s literally alive because some six year old wanted a pet. She would be the first one to have zero (0) reasons to stay with the horde.

Her entire life has been spent in the shadow and to be able to be She-Ra, with enough support could bring her the confidence in her person she so sorely needs. We’ve seen she’s a great leader, although as a villain in a serial she’s obviously going to be beaten time and time again but she does actually have good plans and she has a flare for the dramatic.

This isn’t Loki-style fanning over a ‘morally-grey’ character this is sadness at the fact people may interpret her character as, ‘people who are ambitious are evil, people who don’t conform to society, or aren’t very charming socially are evil’. Rather than we (the audience) should try being a little more aware of the people around us and how our actions can deeply effect them.

Catra’s personality and in the end her resolve is formed by the actions of Shadow Weaver, Adora, and her team. They bully, ostracize and abuse her (some, unknowingly of course) but that’ s the point. Her ‘evilness’ is brought on by years of people not being self-aware enough to understand the damage they were causing. She’s a great sympathetic villain, I don’t think I’ve ever even felt sympathy for a fictional ‘bad guy’ before so don’t get me wrong she’s fine in her role. I just, personally, would’ve enjoyed seeing her at the forefront of the rebellion rather than Adora.

With a personality that would’ve been open to an underdog scenario, and her persistent attitude (especially if this was fueled by people supporting and relying on her) she could’ve been a great She-Ra.

3. Entrapta. Again this is solely the whole how she’s going to perceived thing, ‘geeks and freaks are weird and societal outcasts are evil.’ It keeps up this narrative of only certain types of people are allowed to be good, there’s a check list of traits you have to have that are unrelated to your ideologies that decide which side you fight for.

Entrapta, like Catra, is treated like an outcast and always (in sinisterly subtle ways that are usually used as comedic relief) made to feel bad for who she is. She’s curious on top of everything else but the lesson we get about her story ark is curiosity killed the rebellion. It’s like saying ‘don’t be too curious’, otherwise you’ll end up with no morals and will be easily manipulated into joining the ‘evil people’.

When, again, the meaning should be that we REALLY need to put more effort into making those in our society who are different know and understand that they’re important. No, this doesn’t mean baby school shooter, incel type people or people who legitimately go out of their way to hurt others for no reason. But, we shouldn’t treat neuro-divergent people with such hostilities (subtle or otherwise) because then WE create the monster. Just as with Catra, Entrapta was created through the actions of her peers towards her person.

I can’t blame either of these villains for choosing the dark side, who wasn't to be good when the people on the good side don’t want you to be, well, YOU.

4. Decidedly, four things that bug me. Bow and Glimmers (already mentioned Adora’s part in this) and extendedly the other Princesses’ treatment of those in the horde they meet. One specific scene got me MAD. Bow is imprisoned and one of Adora’s ex-crew mates begins betraying his own just because Bow is the first person to actual listen and all this kid wants is to have friends, real friends that would do anything for one another and this poor kid is TRYING. Bow’s reaction was abysmal to say the least. At first, he cracks a joke that he doesn’t really have a choice as he’s imprisoned, we get it, funny ha-ha. But, he genuinely appears to believe that the only reason he’s listening is because he’s imprisoned, that he (who gave Adora her chance before even really getting to know her) wouldn’t give the exact same to this kid actively risking his life to relay information about Glimmer.

Bow’s the puppy-love character whose flaw is (supposed to be) that he loves/trusts too easy. So why is he suddenly not listening to this kid just trying to have a friend who is actively helping Bow and is (possibly) the sole reason they find Glimmer in the end. Without his help there wouldn’t have been enough time to hack into the horde’s tech again to search for her. But, Bow doesn’t say anything when his rescue arrives AND THROWS THIS KID OFF A CLIFF MID-SENTENCE. I don’t know, that felt so wildly out of character.

Glimmer I understand more, she’s hotheaded and originally was VERY against Adora. It took a lot of life threatening situations for her to finally begin trusting Adora. Still, upon getting to know Adora, learning how horribly she was raised, the trauma it’s left her with, Glimmer (not for one seconds) questions whether they should MAYBE check on other horde members, no one should be kidnapped and raised in such an environment only to die for a regime that’s been lying to them. Yet, that’s exactly what happened.

Don’t get me wrong, these are four things that I pretty much understand have more to do with my preferences with characters and story-lines than anything else and like I said, the list (though detailed because I love being negative) is small in comparison to list of things that I like so far about the show.

Just wanted to get that out there.

Also, does the Voltron fandom follow She-Ra because this ECHOES Voltron vibes and I honestly don’t see a reason why they shouldn’t also vehemently back this show (other than the straights that watch Voltron are too busy getting off on gay men to care or give any ground to a just as diverse, funny, cast that just so happens to have gender flipped the story.)

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italicwatches · 5 years

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Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online - Episode 02

Okay, let’s get into this a little deeper. It’s Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online, episode 02! Here we GO!

-It’s July 2025. We come in on Karen, who’s been attending university in Tokyo for the last three months. She thought things might change, but…They’re not. She’s still awkward, and shy, and taller than any of the other women in her classes. She’s still having no luck finding a job, and spending her days going from apartment to school to apartment if she goes out at all.

-A gaggle of schoolgirls pass by, and Karen can’t help but be deeply envious of the tiny adorable things. Made all the more real when she tries to walk past, and cracks her head on a hanging sign. The pain is real.

-Opening! Which, the more I watch it it’s very interesting how much…*fulfillment[i] they wrap into the game environment. This is very clearly a space where not just Karen/LLENN, but a lot of the people around her, find themselves.

-August. Karen went back home for the summer break. With nothing better to do, she ended up getting curious about VR games after seeing a news report on the new, next-gen hardware made to simplify the VR connection and block off a lot of the safety problems with the SAO-era gear. And something about the idea grabbed her…

-Which is how she ended up snaring an old acquaintance to learn about the things…An acquaintance who was, of course [i]very* eager to tell her everything about her passionate hobby.

-She got the gear, and a copy of Alfheim Online, and settled in to try it back at her place….And it was in! She picked the name LLENN for the first time, went through the creation process….

-And became a tall, graceful elf.

-She was NOT into that. At all. It freaked her out so bad that she actually tripped the safety sensors and got forcefully logged out.

-And learned from said acquaintance, Miyu, that the whole system automatically creates characters for you…She could try again, or try shifting her account to a different game in the same engine. Which is not how game design works, but, you know what, okay. So Karen tried something else…

-And again and again, her characters kept being big. Racing game? Tall sexy racer. Flight game? Thicc pilot. Sci-fi game? What a halloween store would call “Sexy Chilled Alien” because it’s off-brand Frieza race. Fantasy games? A buff-ass barbarian queen and a…I think they’re going for orc there but the Western and Eastern ideas of ‘orc’ have diverged so fucking far it’s hard to tell. Sexy mermaid. And finally Karen was just pushing on through sheer god damned stubbornness.

-When she stumbled onto Gun Gale Online.

-And it put her, after 37 different games attempted, as like three and a half feet tall. At that point it officially stopped mattering what the game was about. It officially stopped mattering what kind of crazy mechanics she’d have to learn. All that mattered was being a tiny adorable waif of a girl for the first time since she was a child. The identity of LLENN ended up filling her heart that day…

-And then she did the tutorial. And got to learn that her true LLENN was in a shooty shooty game and being taught by a dominatrix drill sergeant. This was not what LLENN planned on doing on this day. She learned of the two core gun types, laser guns and slug throwers.

-Side diversion! This is actually an interesting thing to be using in a representation of an online shooter, because shooters tend to divert into two key types of handling their bullets; Some games(or even some guns in games that use both) use hitscan, where at the moment you squeeze the trigger it instantly draws a straight line and sees where it hits, while others use projectile based systems where a bullet is actually spawned and sent at high speeds with physics and time applying. Both of these are entirely valid systems, but which one you’re dealing with has strong implications for higher level play.

-But here in Gun Gale Online, another core difference was put into play; namely, laser guns(or as they call them, optical guns) could be defended against by energy fields. Live ammo’s a different story.

-So LLENN got to learn about the Bullet Line, the singular warning sign that an attack is imminent. She got to shoot her first gun, and learn about the system’s Bullet Circle idea to model the randomness of bullet spread…Which would be fine if LLENN could keep the fucking pistol steady enough for the Circle to stay in a single place.

-She got to try pistols, and sniper rifles, and submachine guns…And at least the submachine gun was vaguely suited to her skills.

-Cut to September. LLENN’s decided to stick with the game. Because being this tiny adorable figure was just too good to give up. She ended up doing PvE, just learning the systems. The whole time she was playing solo, just thrilling in the experience of being LLENN…But she hit a bit of a problem.

-A distinct lack of cute and adorable outfits in this grim serious game. …On the other hand, they had a color palette system. So she took her drab green military garb, and turned it BRIGHT PINK. She even had her optical gun done! And hearing comments from other players, was enough to keep her playing…

-Until one day she was out in the field, had set up a trap for some monsters, and put on some tunes while she relaxed. It’s at this moment that I realize they keep using the same artist name, so I have to imagine that one Elsa Kanzaki is either a really neat reference I don’t get, or going to be relevant. Either way, I should probably note it.

-She could eat cookies and drink tea as much as she wanted, with no worries of calories…But, this trap she set up was in a free-for-all area. And another group of players spawned in. She considered running, or logging out, and ultimately ended up hiding…Not noticed…Her trap went off, and in a panic, she raced in and started firing wildly!

-That whole time, she’d been cranking her SPD stat through the roof with her XP, needing it to deal with giant monsters solo…And so she tore through the three in a flash…When LLENN had enough time to stop and think, and notice that her pink outfit was actually almost the same color as the sunset-lit desert sands…

-Within a few weeks, people were talking about the Pink Devil in chat. A PKer who operates the desert field, ambushing anyone who gets close…A tiny, speedy little demon with two submachine guns.

-Because, indeed, LLENN had thrown some currency into a pair of live-ammo guns, and had turned the desert into her domain to roam freely in, to run far and wide on her tiny tiny legs…

-Until one day, someone caught her and put a gun to her head. A woman in all black, who liked the Pink Devil’s style…Enough to not shoot her. To think the infamous Pink Devil was so teeny and adorable. And she offered a trip back into town to get some tea, since this game didn’t have anywhere near enough female players…

-That was how LLENN met Pitohui, or Pito. Who, true story, added those tattoo cosmetics to her face to reduce how many guys were hitting on her in the game. And played GGO since launch day. While LLENN had only been in for about three months at this point.

-Pito found her more than interesting enough to send her a friend request, and the two ended up in an obscure shop in the corner of town, with rare drops from the PvE segment…Which is how LLENN found her P90, a hot new arrival sitting on the shelf for mere minutes. She bought it right then and there…And with Pito’s encouragement, she named it.

-P-chan. She named that gun P-chan. And let me tell you there is nothing that has made me laugh quite so hard as LLENN enthusiastically saying she’ll do her best to kill lots and lots, while the swelling meaningful-moment music plays.

-Anyways, she and Pito became a squad, and would go hunting and PKing a lot. But aside from having enough real-world money to keep dropping premium currency on fancy shit, LLENN barely knew anything about Pito.. She barely ever listened to music, didn’t watch a lot of movies…And of course LLENN still had lots of anxiety about any talk of real life.

-So Pito ended up putting down a challenge. Take her down in the PvP mode one day, rookie. Get a kill on her, and she’d made sure they could meet in real life. Take that challenge and live up to it. And LLENN was fired up about it, as they made a woman’s promise!

-January came, and they celebrated together in the game. And LLENN learned about the new battle royale mode, the Squad Jam…

-Credits!

I did not expect this much feels from my cute-girls-shooting-cute-guns anime.

#where I watch #recap #anime #sword art online #gun gale online #sao alternative

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megacatstudios · 3 years

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THE HARDEST RETRO GAMES WE'VE GROWN TO LOVE

Glide on the Pain Train The hardest retro games we’ve grown to love there is plenty of nostalgia to be had when it comes to retro games. Some of it might come from the times of your life when things were simpler due to how young you were when you played them. Or maybe some of it was because these retro games were some of your earliest forays in terms of video gaming experiences. After all, the reasons for nostalgia vary from person to person. However, this also means that someone out there will have nostalgia for games because of how insanely hard they were. Video games have had leaps and strides when it comes to handling difficulty, with more accessibility options than before. But during the retro gaming era, developers were limited by both hardware and development experience. Since there was limited space to do things, games tended to be hard so that there would be more replayability, even though this was artificial in a sense. And since plenty of game development back then usually stemmed from arcade experiences, developers came with the mindset to make games harder to increase penny munching. Despite these limitations, however, players have increasingly grown fond of these absolutely difficult games, accepting their difficulties as gauntlets were thrown at the face of their gaming expertise. So join me today as we walk through some of the hardest retro games that have been thrown at us by the video game developers of yore.

GRADIUS 📷Not quite bullet hell, but hellish nonetheless Let’s start with one of the few games on this list that I have actually finished without using save states or cheat codes. Usually cited as one of the most important shooter games due to popularizing the horizontally-scrolling shooter genre, players are seated into the cockpit of Vic Viper, blasting their way through levels filled with enemies trying to ram you and plenty more that shoot bullets at you. At the end of each level, you will be confronted with a boss, and you’d have to shoot their weak points to defeat them. However, a lot of these points are actually protected by an additional layer that you have to destroy before being able to shoot at the weak point. The creativity of these boss battles is a highlight of the original game, as is the difficulty of each one. My favourite part of Gradius has to be the power-up system, though. Unlike most other shooters, Gradius only has one kind of power-up, and when you pick it up, it will advance a power meter at the bottom of the screen, and if you reach a point in the meter that you would want to obtain, you can do so anytime by pressing the power-up button, but doing so would reset your power meter to zero, creating a mini push your luck game of trying to survive as long as possible with a weak weapon to reach as far as you can on your power meter.

GHOSTS ‘N GOBLINS 📷Jumping in your boxers debut game of one of the most underrated franchises from Capcom, Ghosts ‘n Goblins sees a knight named Sir Arthur try to rescue Princess Prin-Prin from Astaroth, the king of the Demon World. While that plot is pretty thin, it is often referred to as one of the most difficult video games of all time. Unfortunately, much of that difficulty is either a love it or hate it kind. Sir Arthur can only withstand one hit before losing one life, and each life is also timed. What’s more, once Sir Arthur jumps, he can’t change directions until after he lands, which is maddening if you’ve played literally any other side-scroller. What’s worse is that each level only has one checkpoint, and that checkpoint is always smack dab in the middle of the level. If you die before reaching that point, you’ll be thrown back at the start of the level! Sure, there’s plenty of additional weapons that you can pick up along the way, and the game is still pretty much beatable, but right when you thought you’ve gotten the hang of it, a very nasty surprise will meet you at the end of your playthrough because now you need to do everything all over again with a higher difficulty to reach the true ending of the game! Sure, it’s nasty, but it wouldn’t be notorious for its difficulty if it was any much easier than this.

CONTRA: HARD CORPS 📷The bad news that the title is not just a silly pun. This entry to the popular Contra franchise is actually very hardcore. If you thought the original Contra for the NES was hard, the first and only Contra game released for a Sega console is even harder. Despite the prettier graphics, it has more things to master with its multiple characters, each with its own different sets of weapons. The Hard Corps also features multiple branching paths, with each providing a different ending. While that may all seem like an enticing ride, at the end of the day, multiple endings will only have players trying to finish the game multiple times. That wouldn’t be much of a problem if it’s not a Contra game that we’re talking about, especially one that is already considered one of the hardest entries in the franchise.

CASTLEVANIA 📷Don’t let go of your holy water! While not the most difficult game on this list, the original Castlevania will still take you by surprise, especially if you were able to play future entries into the series. Unlike the newer games, Castlevania doesn’t take an entire map and let you explore it to your whims. This was way before the series popularized the Metroidvania genre, and is instead a classic linear side-scrolling platformer. Like Ghosts ‘n Goblins, part of why this game was hard was because of how it handles jumps. You can’t change your trajectory in the middle of your jumps, and while that is absolutely realistic, none of the other aspects of the game is chasing for realism, so this seems like a design choice that is made to make your play sessions harder. However, this game has one neat trick that you can keep to heart to make things easier. When you acquire the holy water, hold on to it like your life depends on it. It will make quick work of most enemies within the game. All that’s left for you to do is to practice your jumps. You’ll be beating Dracula in no time.

SUPER MARIO BROS.: THE LOST LEVELS 📷When both launch and landing are problems only game in this list that was both difficult to finish and difficult to acquire, this Japan-only release is the actual sequel to the original Super Mario Bros. The reason why Nintendo never gave this game an international release was because of how absurdly hard it was, to the point that one of Nintendo’s consultants in the west back then called the game an undeserved punishment. However, this spike in difficulty was by choice, as the game was sold with a label that said it was a game “For Super Players” and plenty of tricks for infinite lives were included in the opening levels to provide additional room for players to breathe in the latter levels with insane difficulty spikes. Obviously, none of that helped in easing the game’s difficulty, and up to this day, The Lost Levels remains one of the few blotches of the Super Mario franchise. Still, there are people who regard the game as fun and clever and view it with fondness. While there’s no denying Nintendo’s excellent level design is at work here, there’s also no doubt that this is one of the hardest games in their entire catalogue.

MIKE TYSON'S PUNCH-OUT!! 📷He’s the least of your problems while not as notoriously difficult as The Lost Levels, Nintendo also had you reeling in terms of recovering from its punches with this game, later changing its name to “Punch-Out!!”. This is the easiest game on this list, with the different opponents that you face having distinct patterns that you need to figure out in order to beat them. However, people still remember it as one of the hardest Nintendo has ever released due to how you would need to restart the entire game from the beginning if you get knocked out in the middle of a fight against any of the fighters. Besides, if you experienced this game at a younger age, would you even think that boxing is a cerebral experience? You probably wouldn’t even think to see if your opponents are fighting with a pattern. You’d just mash the punch button in hopes of getting a hit in. That would most likely be the reason why people remember Punch-Out!! as one of the harder games to have ever existed. Still, I wouldn’t count out the times when one was able to identify Mike Tyson’s pattern and still be hit with one of his uppercuts that will instantly knock you out. That kind of experience is infuriating, and even so when it brings you right back at the beginning of the game.

BATTLETOADS 📷Prepare to crash over and over again And finally, we come to the one game on this list that is definitely considered by many to be the hardest game to have ever existed. Battletoads’ main problem is not in its controls or how friendly fire is enabled throughout the game, but in how it was designed. If you have noticed, most other games will give you an idea of what’s coming before it happens. For example, enemies would appear at a significant distance from your character, which gives you an ample amount of time to react appropriately before they do some damage to you. The problem with Battletoads is that it skips all of that. Enemies and obstacles inadvertently appear at a near-instant speed, which turns the game less of an exercise in hand-eye coordination and more of an exercise in memorization.If you’re absolutely convinced that you can finish Battletoads, though, you’re in luck. The game itself is fairly short, so memorizing the patterns of each level is easier than, say, memorizing all the names of stars within Capricornus. You just need to prepare yourself to lose some hair in the process.

HOLY ROLLER While people play games for different reasons, there are a certain magic too difficult games, especially when you are able to overcome the seemingly insurmountable odds associated with them. There is a reason why difficult games have been on the rise recently, with games like Cuphead or Celeste taking centre stage. These modern games are now unhindered by the technical limitations of the olden times. So with plenty of ways to adjust these games’ accessibility while also keeping true to their word for the gluttons for punishment, these games have truly transcended the barriers between being a game only the hardcore can muster and a game for everyone. However, despite the inherent difficulty that comes so often with older games, the design practices have evolved along with them, paving the way for all of the newer games in terms of designing for a larger audience in mind, and in turn, growing the industry. Which of these games have you finished? Or maybe we missed out on something harder to finish than any of these games? How about you let us know via our Twitter Page or head on over to our Youtube Channel to see more retro gaming goodness.

#blog #article #blogging #retrogames #hardgames #original photography blog #megacatstudios #mega cringe #gamingculture

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8bitsupervillain · 4 years

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End of the Year 2019: Games of the Year

Hello everyone, it's that special time of year again! Time for me to shower praise upon some games that I absolutely adored, while mentioning some games that I liked, but not really enough to put on this list. For a remarkable change of pace I have a full list of ten for the best of 2019, however I only have four for the pre-2019 so that's a bit disappointing. If you notice any glaring omissions for the best of the year the simple explanation is that I probably just didn't play it, or I didn't play it enough for it to enter consideration. I also didn't really play anything this year that stands out as particularly bad, there was maybe one game, but I don't have it in me to write a full length thing to expound upon its terrible state. There are also some games that I'm disappointed I didn't get to play, but hopefully I'll be able to in 2020.

Honorable Mentions:

God Eater 3. I've sunk almost twenty hours in to this game, but I haven't played enough of it to really make a declaration that I think it's good. I still intend on playing the game to the finish, but for all I know the game could take a real nose-dive in quality towards the end. I have a desire to go back and play the previous God Eater games as well, so I guess that could be considered an endorsement. I like the visual style in this game, the models all look very nice, and the monster designs are pretty neat to look at as well.

Remnant: From the Ashes. I never quite got to finishing this game, but from what I played this was a pretty fun little co-op shooter. There are some things that the game does that I don't particularly care for, some of the one-shot enemies in the swamp level, the confusing design of this one dungeon in the desert area being particularly troublesome things I remember. I would love to go back and finish this one, but as it stands it'll have to stay with an honorable mention.

King of Fighters XIV. I'm not great at fighting games, but I still enjoyed this game a whole hell of a lot. But like I said I'm not great at the game, but it's a fun one to pop in every once in a while just to get annihilated by all the killers online.

Death Stranding. Please don't post spoilers here. I've greatly enjoyed my time with this game, but as with Remnant and God Eater 3 I didn't finish this one. I've played maybe about twelve hours into this one, but I don't know if that's enough to really comment on the games overall quality. As with God Eater 3 for all I know it could take a real nose-dive in quality.

Hollow Knight. I played a very little amount of Hollow Knight, but I liked what I've played so far. Hope to go back and finish this one before Silksong comes out.

The Elder Scrolls Legends. I quite liked the Alliance War and Jaws of Oblivion expansions. It's a shame they've cancelled all further expansions for this game, because I liked the story based ones they've put out in the past and I was hopeful for more sets in the future. It was never a particularly great game, but I liked what they had going for the longest time.

Pre-2019 Games of the Year

04: Death Mark

This is a fun little RPG/Visual Novel horror game that came out in 2018 that I got a chance to play back in May. It's an investigation game where your character and a host of other characters are trying to solve the mystery of their death mark. A strange design that looks like a bite that materializes on their bodies one day. If they don't get to the root of the problem they die a horrible grisly death. I like the episodic nature of the game with each chapter revolving around a mystery involving a different type of vengeful spirit than the other chapters. There is a small combat element that happens toward the end of each chapter that isn't particularly deep to deal with as it's more puzzle-based rather than being an actual combat engine. It doesn't feature much in the way of blood and gore, but what's there is frankly mortifying to look at. I played it on the Switch, but the game is available on the PS4 and PC as well. Death Mark is definitely worth playing through at least once.

03: Monster Hunter 4: Ultimate

I'm ever so slowly going through my 3DS backlog and finally played through this one. I can understand why people say that 4U is their favorite Monster Hunter game because it is just an absolute blast to play through. I really like the design of the monsters in this game especially Gore Magala and Masharu Magala. I don't know if I would recommend it over World or Generations Ultimate but I had a hell of a time playing through this game.

02: Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen

I love the way the combat in this game feels. I love how you can climb on the monsters and start stabbing away at them. Magic and ranged combat feel really good, and I especially like the Pawn system so you can keep trying out other player's pawns until you hit that sweet spot of the type of combat you want to have for the game. The story is a little basic, kind of your typical "slay the evil dragon" storyline even though it's great how the game gives you a personal reason to want the dragon dead. Guy stole your heart after all, literally ripped it from your chest. I liked the story towards the end when you actually face off with the dragon and all that occurs from then on that was great fun. I played this on both the PS4 and the Switch port that came out earlier this year (I guess I could've put this in the 2019 category), and I was surprised at how well the Switch was able to play the game. The game doesn't look completely awful in handheld mode, and it kept a stable framerate throughout my playthrough. The PS4 and PC versions look better of course, but the Switch version keeps the spirit of the game rather well and is just as good to play there as on the other consoles.

01: Nioh

Bill Nioh's adventures in feudal Japan was a great time. This game made me consider the notion of a mission/loot based Diablo done in a Dark Souls style to not be the worst thing I've ever heard. My only major complaint with the game is that there's too much vendor trash in this game. There's also the problem that you'll be constantly switching from one version of your weapon to another with barely any time to gain "familiarity" with your weapon. Familiarity means you hit slightly harder than you would with another version of that weapon, but with how many variations on whatever weapon your using you'll constantly be scrapping older versions of your weapon and armor without really raising your familiarity. I wish that the game would've gone with an experience meter per-weapon deal rather than loading you up with a million variations of each weapon. Like a leveling bar for Katana, Dual-Blades, Nodachi, and so on, there's already a skill-tree for each weapon, so I think an experience meter for each weapon would work better. It's not a deal-breaker by any means, but I think it might work better. I like the mission-based focus of this game rather than being a pseudo-open world affair like most Soulslike games. I still need to play through the expansions before Nioh 2 comes out.

Games of the Year 2019

10: Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

This was a good Metroidvania to play through, and certainly better than I thought it was going to be. I enjoyed the various weapons you can acquire throughout the game, the spear and great swords were particularly fun in my playthrough for instance. I have some minor complaints that arise towards the end of the game, but they're not major issues. A boss fight or two will just absolutely destroy the framerate while you're fighting them (I can only imagine how they play on the Switch if the game was dying on the PS4 Pro). I liked some of the extra bosses you can fight like the Millionaire's Bane and the bonus boss that's Definitely Not Simon.

09: Untitled Goose Game

An amusing game to play, and I had a fun time playing it. It's definitely not the deepest or longest game to come out this year (from start to finish the game is maybe four hours long), but it's a fun enough "nuisance simulator." It reminds me of playing a game like Hitman, cause Goose Game is definitely a stealth game, even if every time I completed an objective I unfurled my wings and honked to assert my dominance over the people in the village.

08: Samurai Shodown

As previously mentioned I am not good at fighting games. Yet despite my being bad at them I find myself constantly going back to SamSho just to get obliterated online. I positively adore the art style in this game and the completely vicious gameplay. Unlike some other fighting games you can be destroyed within mere seconds of the match starting. If you play super poorly your opponent can cut your lifebar down from 100% to next to nothing with one or two moves. It's very exhilarating when that happens, or when they do a super that just destroys your lifebar. It reminds me a lot of samurai movies in that way where guy does the move and the opponent just stands there for a second then falls over dead. I get the impression that this is going to be a "small pond" scenario where there's the handful of godlike players and everyone else will just get bodied everyday, but I really love this game. I absolutely despise the final boss in the arcade mode.

07: Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

Speaking of games that are absolutely torture to play. Sekiro is really insidious, the first half or so of the game is relatively easy, but then you hit a certain boss and the game decides its done toying with you and will just start absolutely and utterly destroying you. Every single boss fight from that point forward are some of the most brutal and agonizing fights that have been put in a video game. I had to give up on playing this game for a few weeks because I was getting too tired of throwing myself against the wall in the hopes that this time I'll get the best of this bastard. After finally killing the final boss I had vowed to never play the game again. Then two days later I started a new-game plus playthrough. Whoops! I love the verticality of this game, being able to jump and use a grappling hook was absolutely great. Despite my complaints about the sheer difficulty of the bosses I love the combat in this game. It is particularly exhilarating when a guy makes to stab you with a spear and you stomp it into the ground and take him out yourself. Masataka Oniwa and the Divine Dragon are hands down the best fights in the game, with the final boss being a particularly noteworthy bastard of a fight. Oniwa and the Dragon are great because of the sheer spectacle of the fights, whereas the final boss is great because of he is a great amalgamation of everything the game has thrown to you at that point. I liked this game a lot, but I certainly don't hold it against anyone who decides the difficulty is too much.

06: Nioh 2 Beta

Meanwhile Nioh 2's beta was an absolute gem of a thing that I played this year. Sadly I didn't get into the private alpha towards the start of the year, but I did download the public beta and proceeded to sink nearly thirty hours into it. I love the new weapon they added to the game the switch glaive, which is a combination knuckle weapon/spear/scythe depending on your stance. In low stance it's a lot like Bloodborne's switch-axe or spear in that the blade covers your fist and you punch it into enemies. Mid-stance it turns into a spear, and high turns it into a scythe and I had great fun trying out all the forms in this beta. I adore the fact that the game gives you a devil trigger for your spirit animals, and I love the fact that this game has a character creator. It seems like they're keeping the volume of the drops to the same level as the first game, but that's fine. I cannot wait to get my hands on the full version.

05: Devil May Cry 5

This was a great game, filled to the brim with some amazing set-pieces and great moments. It very much feels like a "greatest hits" version of Devil May Cry combining all the elements from the four original DMCs and also bringing over some stuff from DmC. I was worried a bit about the game being similar to DMC 4 and splitting the action into "Here's the Nero section, here's Dante's, and V's" but it worked out pretty well. It gives you a mission or two to get used to how the characters play but not too much time that it feels like "you've learned this character, but screw that learn Dante." It all blends itself really well. They each have their own feel which works really great with their differences in character, but for my money Nero is the best to play as. The story is also really fun to play through, it has some amazing moments even if some of the stuff is really silly. Also the game gives us Nico, and she's really great.

04: Monster Hunter World: Iceborne

The jump in difficulty from the High-Rank quests to Master-Rank was crazy. Maybe it's because I got rusty, not having played World since roughly February, but I was not really prepared for the increase in difficulty. That said I still adore this game, plus they added both Zinogre and Stygian Zinogre, the only way they could've made an already great game even better is if they were like "and here's Gore Magala and Masharu Magala." I like the new hunter's hub, and they made the game so much better with all the variations of monsters they added to this game. I like the Seething Bazelgeuse and Blackveil Vaal Hazak a lot, and the Ebony Odogaron has an amazing looking set of armor. My only wish was that they add some variations to other monsters, I would've loved to see a variation to Kushala Daora or Teostra and Lunastra. I like the clutch-claw very much even if it's the reason my deaths in hunts has skyrocketed. I can't help but wonder what they're going to do for the next Monster Hunter. What can they do to improve this for the inevitable PS5 and Xbox versions? HD version of Gen Ultimate?

03: Blasphemous

The past couple of years I've grown really dismissive of pixel-art 2D games. Just something about the way they look made me grow weary of them, and maybe I've missed out on some amazing games. Then I believe it was E3 2017 I saw a trailer for Blasphemous and I was instantly drawn to it. There was some combination of the religious horror and gore that just made me very excited. Then the game more or less disappeared, then I laid eyes on this game's trailer and I was instantly back in. This game is absolutely wonderful to play, I love the unlockable moves the game gives you as well as the amazing bleak tone and atmosphere in this game. I like the fact that the more you die in the game the more the game covers up your available MP meter, that's a nifty little mechanic, and I liked the paying money to cure yourself from that problem. It's flavorful, and fits with the tone very nicely. I plan to one day go deeper into why I think this game is as good as I think it is, from both a gameplay and aesthetic sense, but I don't think here's really the place to do it. It's a very good 2D exploration game, and I love it to pieces even if I do think some of the bosses aren't good.

02: Fire Emblem Three Houses

Aside from Monster Hunter and Samurai Shodown I probably spent the most time with this game. One campaign playthrough took me over a hundred hours, and I'm presently ten hours into a second playthrough (of four). I went with the Blue Lions for my first playthrough and I really liked the story the game presented to me. It's not without its faults but overall I quite like what it did, I felt that it was a nice upgrade from the storyline from Fates. I get the distinct impression that there was originally going to only be the Red Eagles and Blue Lions routes but then someone at IntSys just went "give the Golden Deer a path" and so here we are. I don't entirely understand why there's the weapon degradation system in this game, for the relic weapons sure, but for your standard weaponry it doesn't make sense. That said I do really enjoy the missions in this game, there aren't any that really stand out as horrible. I like most of the characters in this game, and it kept me gripped for the entire length of the campaign. A ton of fun this game.

01: Resident Evil 2

I played through this game six times in a month, and once more while I was writing this list. I really, really enjoyed my time with Resident Evil 2 and it is positively astounding that Capcom did such a great job with this game. There are some minor complaints I have with the game, the second run having the completely silly and superfluous handgun with its own ammo certainly stands out. However the game is positively gorgeous, sounds phenomenal and is just ridiculously fun to play. In addition to the wonderful base campaigns there's also the revised 4th Survivor and Tofu modes, then in the summer Capcom released the Ghost Survivor DLC missions which are fun little challenge modes to play. I love everything about this game Capcom really knocked it out of the park with this one, and I cannot wait to see what they do with Resident Evil 3.

The real game of the year was all the War of the Spark pre-release, and the drafts I did. Both IRL and in Magic Arena and Online. That and Core 2020 Pre-release.

#games of the year #end of the year #GOTY #mtg #War of the Spark

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letitrainletitsnowbutdontletmego · 7 years

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Finally - Chapter 9: Hospital

aka: 9 times Jay tries to win Voight over (intentionally and not so intentionally) and the 1 time he doesn’t need to.

Also on ff.net and AO3.

Many, many thanks to @justkillingtimewhileiwait for all of her help, listening to me bounce ideas off her, ramble on about what I wanted to write and mostly, the beta-ing. You are awesome! :)

“Erin.” Voight breathing her name in relief was what snapped her attention up from the linoleum floor of the ER where she had been staring for the better part of the past 30 minutes.

Her senses suddenly came crashing back to her; the sounds of the busy hospital, the smell of the alcohol being swabbed at her skin, the sight of bright white lights of the room and the feel of heat on her arm as she was being stitched. Only taste remained, but as she couldn’t taste blood, she counted herself lucky.

Voight was in front of her within four steps, causing her to crane her neck up from her position on the edge of the bed. “How bad is it?”

Erin blinked a couple of times as she forced herself to interpret his words and come up with a reply. “It’s just a graze,”

He nodded, peering at the two neat lines of black stitches on her left bicep before catching her eyes again. “And Jay?”

Erin shook her head, feeling her eyes begin to fill once again even as she willed herself not to cry. Not again. Not here. “It’s bad, Hank,” she whispered, her voice coming out shakily and rougher than she would like. Shaking her head, her eyes drifted back to the floor, unable to look at Voight as she spoke lest she broke down. “He crashed twice on the way here. They- they took him straight up to surgery after they got him stable. Will’s up there waiting.”

“Erin-” he began, but when she failed to look up, she felt him shift until he was eye level with her, claiming her attention with a warm hand upon hers on the examination table. Erin had barely noticed how they had cleaned up her hands with warm water to make sure she didn’t have any other injuries. “Hey, look at me, kiddo,” Voight demanded, and she slowly did as he said. “Your partner is nothing if not stubborn. He’s a fighter, okay? He’s not going to let this beat him.”

“You didn’t see him, you don’t know that! They got him three times and I couldn’t-” she broke off, taking in a ragged breath and willing herself to calm down so not to remember all the red, warm, sticky blood she had had the worst time trying to control until the EMTs had reached them.

After returning fire and getting all the perpetrators down, Erin had turned to Jay, who had looked paler than she had ever seen him. Guiding him to the floor where they were, she had quickly seen the causes of it and radioed in for an urgent ambulance. She had managed to keep Jay talking and awake for no more than 2 minutes.

She could feel the small tugs on her arm as the doctor worked to put in her stitches, not saying a word or acknowledging the two of them as she did so. Curling her hands around the edge of the table, she fought the urge to scream and shout, to stop with the platitudes, to beg for an update even though she was told she would only get one once he was out of surgery.

Closing her eyes, she forced herself to compartmentalise as she filled Voight in with what had happened. “They were waiting for us, knew we wouldn’t be on our guard ‘cause they were just witnesses. It’s only because Jay thought he heard something that we hit the ground before they opened fire. Or he pulled me down; I don’t remember,” she admitted, shaking her head and knowing it was the emotional stress right then that was causing her memories to get a bit jumbled up.

“We’ll piece it all together once we get a statement from the both of you, but until then, let’s get you patched up, and then we’ll head up to see how Jay’s doing,” he told her calmly, patting her hand a couple of times before standing up straight again.

Nodding, Erin peered up through her lashes at the thought of leaving the ER and heading back into the reality of waiting. “Hank, I’m scared. It was really bad,” she murmured softly, hearing him sigh in response.

“Don’t go there, Erin. Until we hear anything else, you’ve got to believe he’ll be fine, alright?” he said strictly, leaving no room for argument. Knowing there was nothing she could say to that, she nodded once again, allowing her eyes to close as she felt him lovingly cup her cheek and press a kiss to the top of her head.

It was the best comfort she could seek right then.

…

Surgery had apparently been a success, but Erin was not seeing any progress. It had been over 7 hours since she’d been allowed to see Jay, laying on the hospital bed with IVs attached to both hands, wires monitoring his vitals and an oxygen mask ensuring he got enough.

Will had explained to her in layman’s terms that it had been the bullet Jay had taken to the abdomen which had caused the most problem. It had nicked the hepatic artery, which was why he had lost so much blood. Luckily, and Erin had scoffed dryly at his use of the word, it hadn’t caused any other internal damage, with the two other wounds also being easy fixes. The one that had hit him just below his shoulder had been lodged in the muscle with the one in his arm was more of a flesh wound.

Everyone else had returned to the district soon after hearing Jay would be okay, with only Voight lingering back to make sure she would be alright at the hospital. After assuring him she would, and that she had Will there too, he had given her a brief hug, reminded her he had told her how stubborn her partner was and to call if she needed anything at all.

The chair she sat on at the side of Jay’s bed was anything but comfortable, but she wasn’t about to complain. The last time she had muttered about her arm itching, Will had tried to arrange her a morphine drip to help with the pain. She had shot him down immediately without stating why, saying she’d prefer a numbing agent instead.

Will must have been happy to have something to do after feeling almost useless the entire day as his little brother was being tended to that he had fetched a tube of lidocaine himself and applied it around her stitches. Erin would have insisted on doing it herself if she hadn’t recognised the need for a reprieve from simply watching Jay do nothing on Will’s features. So she had bared it and said thank you at the end.

Gently running her fingers over the back of Jay’s she carefully curled her hand around his once again, making sure not to joust the needle in the back of it. He was warm and familiar, and if she closed her eyes and blocked out the sounds, she could almost imagine they were in bed at home. With her on her tablet, reading a book or surfing the internet as Jay slept besides her, hand clutched in hers and resting somewhere on her. Using her tablet one-handed wasn’t the easiest achievement in the word but she would gladly sacrifice her other hand if it meant holding his.

It was nearing 2 a.m. when she felt his fingers twitch against hers. Sitting up straight, Erin leaned forward to take a proper look at him and stood up when she saw his eyes start to blink open slowly.

“Will, he’s waking up,” she called out to the doctor. Will jumped to his feet from where he was sat on the small couch against the wall, resting his eyes in a way that had made her think he had actually been asleep. Turning all her attention back to her boyfriend, she reached out to gently skim the pads of her fingers over his temple. “Jay?”

He immediately reacted to her touch, trying to bring up the hand she wasn’t holding. However, Will got to him first and held his arm down to the bed to keep him still. “Don’t move, Jay. Just give me a second, alright?”

Will then went about checking his vitals in ways Erin could not understand. She noticed he only called for assistance once he had done what he wanted, and she smiled softly at his brotherly gesture, wanting to check on him first before anyone else began prodding around.

Jay tried to reach up again, going for the mask on his face but only to be stopped by Will insisting he left it alone until he fully woke up from his anaesthesia.

“Hey, hey, no. Listen to your brother for now,” Erin told him as he weakly attempted to fight Will’s instructions.

She stepped closer to him, leaning over the top of the bed so she could see him properly and hoped he could too. The anaesthesia was still in his system, and she could tell he was fighting sleep by the way his eyelids pulled to be closed. Erin ran her fingers through his hair tenderly, hoping to coerce him to give in without any fight. He turned his head ever so slightly in her direction at her ministrations.

“I’m here, I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere. Relax, okay? You’re going to be alright,” she murmured reassuringly, ignoring Will as he carried on with his duties or the new presence in the room in the form of Doctor Rhodes.

Jay’s eyes eventually fluttered close but she felt him squeeze her hand more fiercely than she thought should have been possible for someone in his state. Ghosting her lips over his forehead, she pulled back and smiled softly to herself as relief flooded her completely.

…

When Jay came around the next evening, it was the first time he was fully coherent. Which meant Erin had to deal with empathetically assuring him that she was fine and showing him her injuries when Will ratted her out to prove to him that it truly wasn’t that bad.

Between the two of them, they were able to fill Jay in with what happened after paying the 'witnesses’ a visit. He had been shocked to say the least, anger quickly replacing it until Erin informed him that they had taken out the two shooters immediately. The case was closed now, anyway, and once they had Jay’s statement, it would be filed away. A pretty anticlimactic ending to a horrifying case, Erin thought, but kept it to herself.

“So, um, just so you know, you don’t get to do this again, okay?” Erin told him once they were alone. Will had a shift starting in a few hours and had gone to take a power nap, leaving Erin with Jay for the first time since everything had happened.

“What, get shot? It’s not at the top of my list of fun things to do,” Jay remarked smartly. He had been propped up on the bed so he wasn’t completely lying down anymore, allowing Erin to see him better and for him to feel less like a patient.

“Anything that lands you here, like this. This is it. I can’t do this again, Jay,” she stated from where she sat in the chair next to his bed as she had for the past 24-plus hours. She had her elbow on the bed next to his legs with her head being supported by her hand.

“Erin, I’m going to be fine,” he said for what seemed like the millionth time to her, and she couldn’t help the wry smile that curved at her lips.

“Yeah, but for a while there, I had no idea what I was going to hear next,” she explained, swallowing around the lump that had formed in her throat and willing her emotions away. Not now, not again. Not when Jay was up, talking and even joking with her. The memories and the associated feelings with what had happened would just take a bit longer to disappear. “And hearing you didn’t make it was on equal footing with everything was fine.”

Jay watched her for a moment before sighing. He reached out a hand towards her, palm up on the bed. Slipping her other hand into his, she gripped his wrist as he did hers, thumbs hooked around each other. She could feel his pulse against her fingertips, and it was somehow more reassuring than the machines that he had been attached to when he had been asleep.

“It’ll take a hell lot more than some bullets to keep me from you, alright? I’m not going anywhere, not for a long time,” he told her, his voice not leaving any room for argument as if he could dictate his further simply by willing it. Erin wondered briefly if he had recalled her words from early that morning, when she had soothed him back to sleep but considering he couldn’t remember waking up, she put it down to pure coincidence. “I still have so many plans on how to annoy you for the rest of your life.”

Raising a brow at his casual smirk, she pondered, “Is that so? Wanna clue me in on what to expect?”

“Nah, where’s the fun in that?” Jay teased with a boyish grin, making her roll her eyes.

She ducked her head initially to hide her laughter, but was forced to lift it up to cover up a yawn with her hand. It hadn’t hit her until then that she hadn’t slept in well over 36 hours.

“Sorry,” she murmured, shaking her head to push away the fog of sleep threatening to overtake her.

Jay squeezed her hand gently and gave her a soft look. “Go home and sleep, Erin. You must be exhausted.”

“I can sleep perfectly fine here,” she replied with a gentle smile, resting her elbow back onto the bed and resuming her previous position.

“No, you can’t, and I’m in no shape to give you any massages anytime soon,” he told her pointedly.

Erin shook her head again. “I’m not leaving you, Jay. And I’m not going home unless it’s with you,” she said adamantly, ignoring his attempt to lighten the mood which at other times would have her smartly snarking back.

“Then you’re gonna need someone to swing by the apartment because I hear it could be a few days and you’re gonna need more clothes,” he pointed out, repeating what Doctor Rhodes had said after explaining what he had done during surgery when Jay had asked. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Will and Erin, he just knew the two of them would try to sugarcoat the worst of it whilst also insisting he needed to take it easy to recuperate.

“I’ll sort it out tomorrow,” Erin brushed off flippantly, pursing her lips against another yawn but failing to keep it back.

“Come here,” Jay finally sighed when she looked at him sheepishly, tugging at her hand. “Come up here and lay down with me. If you’re not gonna head home then the least I can do is share my bed with you.”

“How gallant,” she chuckled, not needing to be told twice as she kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the narrow bed. Fortunately, their good sides matched, meaning she was able to curl into his side without nudging any of his injuries. “Don’t let me hurt you.”

“You won’t, I promise. Nothing about you laying with me could ever hurt,” he murmured as she laid her head on his shoulder, feeling him brush his lips over her forehead as his arm came around her to hold her to him. Erin was grateful, not just to be held close but also because she was sure she would fall off the bed if he didn’t.

“Is this okay?” she asked, resting a hand on his chest just next to the gauze which covered the wound on his other shoulder.

“It’s perfect,” he replied and she allowed herself to relax into him, settling until she could close her eyes and almost pretend they were back at home in their own bed.

They fell into a comfortable silence; Erin focusing on the soft beating of his heart below her ear whilst she felt him play with her fingers splayed on his chest. She was sure it was enough to lull her to sleep, his gentle touch was soothing, as was simply having him there, warm and alive beneath her. However, she could practically hear the time ticking by, her eyes staying shut but her mind refusing to give her some peace.

“Talk to me about something,” she finally muttered, feeling Jay pause momentarily in his touch and resting his hand upon hers before carrying on not a second later. It was clear he had thought she had fallen asleep, and she smiled to herself at his surprise.

He cleared his throat before he spoke, and when she heard amusement lining his words, Erin almost regretted asking. “You know what is at the top of my list of fun things to do?”

“Don’t say it-” she warned, tilting her head back and opening her eyes to glare at him.

“You,” he finished with a lopsided grin, ignoring her and her glare.

“What did I just say?” she grumbled with a huff, tucking her face into the crook of his neck to stop him from seeing the smile that threatened to break out. “Idiot.”

“You told me to talk to you about something, so I did,” Jay reasoned innocently, his hand trailing up her arm to where the bandages for her stitches wrapped around her bicep and then back down to her hand. “Alright, alright, how about the story of how Will use to convince me we had a long lost sister who was sent away? And told me I’d follow suit every time I did something he didn’t like?”

…

Jay wasn’t sure how long he had spent telling the story to Erin before he had noticed she was truly asleep, but knew it had been at least an hour since then and sleep was definitely evading him. He put it down to the fact that he had slept for a good day and hadn’t done much to tire himself out since the anaesthesia had worn off completely. Even the painkillers weren’t that drowsy.

Contemplating picking up Erin’s phone from where it laid on the table next to the bed for some entertainment, he had just figured out how to reach out without dislodging or moving her when a familiar voice sounded from the doorway.

“I’m pretty sure that’s against hospital regulations,” Voight stated dryly, nodding towards Erin.

Jay froze for a moment, unsure how to tread these unfamiliar waters where his boss was not shooting him an 'if-looks-could-kill’, hardened glare or gruffly telling him to keep things professional, even if being hospitalised most likely counted as personal time.

“You want to tell her to move? Because you’re more than welcome to tell her to move,” Jay lied, not wanting her to move at all. He kept his voice quiet, not wanting to wake her up even as he unintentionally curled a hand around her hip for reasons didn’t know. Probably a self-preservation method to either keep Voight from doing as he had said or hurting him. Not that either scenario was likely; they both knew what Erin was like when forced to wake up and even Hank Voight had better ways of dealing with someone than when they were recovering.

Voight smiled and took a step into the room, stopping by the foot of his bed. “How are you doing?”

“Good. I mean, apart from these holes in my body, I’m practically fine,” Jay answered casually, playing off his injuries as he had been doing every time someone asked him. He wouldn’t tell them about the burning hot pain each wound caused him, with the painkillers only taking the edge off. Nor about how even breathing seemed to sting a little in places he was sure shouldn’t be aching.

“You weren’t fine when you were bleeding out everywhere. It was a close one,” Voight told him, more emotional and concerned than Jay had ever heard him talk to anyone other than Erin. It was a welcomed change, but Jay knew better than to over analyse it.

“So you do care, Sarge! I knew it,” he replied with his boyish smile, earning himself an eyeroll unlike which he knew Erin would give him too if she was awake.

“You literally died less than 24 hours ago in front of her; I’m here to make sure you don’t do it again anytime soon,” Voight retorted, all signs of his caring nature gone from his tone though Jay could still see the softness in his features.

Sobering up, Jay nodded once. “I’ll be alright in a few weeks,” he assured him, knowing what Erin must have gone through the previous day would have shaken up the man who had practically raised her, regardless of his feelings towards their relationship or him.

“You saved her life,” Voight stated, recalling what Doctor Rhodes had told him about Jay’s injuries and Erin’s account of the shooting. The bullet Jay had taken to the shoulder was the perfect height to get Erin right in the head, meaning any response slower than theirs had been would probably have resulted in him losing his only remaining child.

“I would have done the same for anyone,” Jay said earnestly, brushing off Voight’s intense stare, under which he felt uneasy. He knew he’d have to give his statement about the events of what happened once he was better but he didn’t feel like rehashing it until he had to.

“I know, kid, I know,” Voight said with a smile, laying a hand on his leg and squeezing gently. Jay didn’t miss the gesture, nor the nickname which he used exclusively for Erin, but knew not mention it. “Get better soon. And call me if you need anything, especially with Erin.”

Quickly clearing his mind about Voight’s actions, he watched as the other man looked at him expectantly, obviously having seen Jay react to his demand to call him. “Can you come by in the morning to get her to go home? She refused tonight but I don’t want her to stay here all day again.”

“I’ll be here by 9,” Voight assured him. Taking one final glance at the woman in question, he merely said goodbye before leaving.

“Was that Hank or was I dreaming?” Erin murmured not a minute later, causing Jay to bristle at the sudden words being spoken warmly into his neck without stirring.

“That was him. He just wanted to see how I was, and you,” he confirmed, smiling when she moaned as she shifted to lay her head on his shoulder again. “Though I’m surprised he didn’t manhandle you out of here for this,” he added, pressing her close again with the hand on her waist to indicate exactly what he meant.

“Told you he liked you,” Erin taunted, pulling her hand out from under his on his chest to brush back her hair from her face as she peered up at him. “Or it’s because you’ve just been shot. Might want to be on guard once you’re back to work.”

“Might use you as my guard,” Jay retorted lightly, catching her eyes. “You dream of Voight?”

“Shut up,” she groaned at his play on her earlier words, returning to her her previous position pressed against him and closing her eyes, purposefully ignoring his silent laughter as she welcomed sleep again.

#linstead #erin lindsay #jay halstead #cpd #my fics #9+1 #linstead fanfiction

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sammgreer · 7 years

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PREY - Review

How fitting for a game about issues of identity to have borrowed the name belonging to a completely unrelated game. There's barely even a passing wink to 3D Realm's daft shooter. Ah well.

What Prey is instead is a modern successor to System Shock but with heaps of novel ideas layered atop a familiar centre. It's also not too dissimilar from Arkane's Dishonored, albeit without the stealth focus. Whilst I think I prefer Dishonored overall (I'm a big stealth fan) I think Prey has a chance at being considered the best immersive sim around. What Prey has over them all is coherence. The game is a network of related systems, all interactive, fleshing out a single location.

Talos IV in this case, a corporate owned space station orbiting the moon in an alternate reality where the Kennedy space program took off due to first contact with a strange alien species. The station is the real star of the show. It is a completely intricate location where every staff member is accounted for and every area has a logical contribution to the station's purpose. What a treat it is to not only be set loose on an intricate, dense location but one that fits together so completely. Whilst it never manages to be outright striking like the iconic Rapture, it still looks distinct; the decor offering a stylish retro themed alternative to the usual dull, gun metal grey corridors. And the score is a refreshingly stylish affair with the twang of an electric guitar cutting through the air instead of the bassy drone that seems the default for so much science fiction.

You play as Morgan Yu (who can be male or female depending on player choice), youngest child of the family owned Transtar corporation who run the station. Along with your eldest brother you're left stranded on the station, to deal with an alien menace. Worse, you've no memory of the last few months. Neuromods, the station's latest invention, allows anyone to acquire any recorded skill in seconds but it comes with a hefty price. Removing them resets the user's memory to just before they were installed. As a result you're left to pick up the pieces. Various characters will claim to be acting in your best interests but its up to you to pay attention if you want to decipher what's really going on and who to trust. There's a pleasant Philip. K. Dick vibe to it all, this oppressive paranoia dripping over everything. Even though it dulls over the game's many hours, it makes for an intriguing start. Beyond this beginning, what occurs is largely up to you and the game will react accordingly to every action you take. No matter what you do, you can reach a conclusion. Save the other survivors, leave them or even kill them if you somehow decide that's a good idea. Chase down secrets, discover what was really going on aboard the station and in your own past. Talos IV is so open to exploration, with dozens of connecting routes through every area. It's the density of details that impressed me the most. Looking for a specific crew member? Check the ship's roster which gives a location (in real time) for every single employee. Found a locked room? Hit a touch screen with foam darts through a vent in the roof to unlock the door.

Those examples are just scratching the surface and the further into the game you go, the more systems are made available, allowing you to exert more control within the established rules of the game world. I won't spoil the later secrets because discovery is so much of what makes Prey a joy to play. Even if I tried however there's almost no way I could spoil someone's experience with the game. There are so many approaches and options you will almost certainly have a distinctly different experience from me. Importantly, the game gives you plenty of reasons to try out these options. Part of that is narrative, with a moral element likely to factor into how you choose to approach a situation, chasing a particular outcome in the story. Other times its through design, with the game's admittedly steep difficulty pushing you towards finding alternative solutions or seeking new tools.

Enemies themselves are perhaps the least interesting area of the game. The much talked about mimics are, whilst somewhat tedious to actually fight, a neat idea. Able to imitate any object within the game world, you have to pay attention at all times to avoid ambushes. The novelty does wear off of course but by the time it does, the game offers you a device to identify them more easily, one of many instances where the game stays a step ahead of itself. The game's other foes feel relatively bog standard though. Phantoms are the main type and whilst they can have various properties that require unique counters, they're largely predictable. A few late game enemy types have their own twists, forcing you well outside your comfort zone but there's a long stretch of the game before they show up. All the enemies work well and they have that rare quality of feeling distinctly alien but few of them have much personality or leave a lasting impression.

What they all do pretty well is make you use the full extent of your arsenal. The devices you amass over its many hours are composed largely of "tools" with unique functions rather than dozens of guns. The GLOO gun for instance shoots a hardening foam which can be used to encase enemies, slowing them down, block doors or can even be used to create platforms to climb on. Then there's the abilities you unlock throughout, opening up an even greater array of approaches. Which does include, yes, the ability to turn into a coffee cup. Which has more uses than you might imagine.

The point is, the more you play the more creative you can be. A challenge you found daunting in the early hours or an obstacle that seemed impassable can be returned to, conquered with what you've acquired. It's the satisfaction of being given problems you can figure out your own solutions to that makes Prey feel so special. It puts its immersive sim competition like the new Deus Ex games to shame, with a depth and level of freedom that honestly felt a little dizzying at the start. I'm so used to endless waypoints, checkpoints and hand holding that absolute freedom can be overwhelming. It's also perfectly possible to overlook important information, fail to discover a helpful item or weapon. Nothing that will stop you being able to progress but can certainly make exploration all the more difficult.

It is exciting though and remains so as you see the effects of your choices throughout the game. Being one, interwoven location rather than broken up into distinct levels like Dishonored means your actions ripple through Talos IV much more organically. Events, both story-driven and player driven, develop nicely and lead to those “oh yeah...” moments as you bump into a result some hours down the line.

The story itself isn't the game's best feature. Your conflict with your brother is handled smartly, with their relationship fleshed out in the details rather than exposition but it does fail to deliver emotional punch, a real missed opportunity. A shame cause the game's characters are all pretty well written, with distinct, believable personalities from dozens of NPCs (with an admirable number of LGBT characters, including Female-Morgan). They even come with some great little sub-quests, offering some of the game's most emotionally satisfying moments. Prey uses e-mails and audio logs like a dozen games before it but sprinkles them carefully. Not to mention most only offer hints of important details, instead of a character having a monologue about their ideologies. You have to pay attention, read between the lines and that means I engaged with the information offered instead of passively absorbing exposition. With a deft hand and constant trickle of details the story and world managed to hold my attention.

All of which sadly leads to a predictable though fairly enjoyable climax (of the two major variations of conclusion, one is much more satisfying to play through than the other) but one followed by an utterly limp, rushed ending. Nothing that spoils the rest of the game but certainly a disappointment after all the world building and care given to make your choices up to that point feel meaningful. There is an after credits sequence that offers an audacious twist to events but it doesn't do much to salvage the ending.

Nonetheless, for almost its entire run time I found Prey an absolute delight. There's much that's derivative in it, System Shock remains the most obvious influence but Prey has more style and a far better interface than that game ever did. Mainly though, these are ideas we seldom see or see done this well, so what's borrowed never really felt like a negative. What's more is for every familiar trope, there's a unique idea at work. Each could serve as the premise of a game all unto themselves. Instead they're here together, in this incredibly detailed sandbox. A flawed one admittedly but Prey still manages to be one of the most coherent and inventive games in years.

#prey #Arkane Studios #system shock #looking glass #videogames #review #pc games #science fiction #Deus Ex #Morgan Yu #LGBT

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vrsystem-us · 5 years

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Can you Game in VR on a Budget?

virtual reality or VR has been hailed as the next paradigm for gaming an immersion ever since it rolled out then rolled over back in the late 90s with early implementations like Sony's Glastron being described by John Carmack as like looking through toilet paper tubes fast forward to 2016 though and the tech was awesome but it still had a big problem the price because on top of the headset gamers in particular needed to shell out for much more powerful hardware than they would need to play the same game in flat mode but there's some good news since that time oculus who sponsored this video has dropped the price of the rift and continued development on some pretty neat invisible mechanisms that work in the background to make VR run on even relatively modest machines and we spent the last week testing to see just how modest a machine you can use and I think you'll be surprised [Music] let's begin with some of the efficiency improvements that are handled by your graphics card because in theory every frame of an image in VR needs to be rendered twice once for each I so technologies like Nvidia's single pass stereo make it so your PC only needs to setup the scenes geometry once and their lens matched shading actually cuts off any pixels which would not be visible anyway due to how the lenses in the headset work pretty neat then we've got the headset specific tech like oculus is asynchronous time warp and space warp which kick in anytime your machine can't maintain the steady 90 frames per second that's required to prevent motion sickness by generating synthetic preemptive frames that act like a sort of suspension mechanism to smooth out the low FPS bumps getting this tech working right was quite a bit of work because GPUs are designed for high throughput but not pre-emptive frame guessing so oculus worked with both GPU manufacturers as part of invidious VR works and AMD's liquid VR initiatives so it's more than a catchy slogan now let's introduce our bare minimum system so we paired up where is it here is a core i3 8100 quad-core processor and a gtx 1050 Ti and ran future marks VR mark which has a neat feature both the rifts minimum and V are ready performance requirements are baked into the results craft and what we found was that even our bottom of the barrel actually managed to meet the minimum spec bar so there you go video done peace out right no yeah no wrong so upon further analysis we actually found that while our rig was outputting 90 frames per second in the basic orange benchmark which matches up with the refresh rate of the head-mounted displays in the rift the actual target is 100 9 frames per second this is because aside from the graphics going on on the screen in VR the system also needs to read sensors and do a bunch of stuff in the background so with the overhead of VR the calculation is that a hundred and nine frames per second in flat mode should correspond to 90 frames per second in VR and superposition basically said the same thing so that setup was only good enough for like the very barest minimum spec so we do need to go a little higher but do we go for CPU or GPU well we were watching our CPU load pattern during the runs and our processor even though it's a measly core i3 well it is a quad core and it didn't look that busy so we bumped our graphics up to a GTX 1060 to see where that would get us usually people would pair such a card with an i-5 class chip but we're focusing on VR here and even with all the trickery it is still mostly GPU bound and check this out so it turns out that I 3 + 10 60 combo here actually looks good to go with a super rating in VR Marc orange room and a full bar in superpositions optimum preset so that puts our total system cost at just over nine hundred US dollars and bear in mind but that is including the Windows 10 home operating system which microsoft recently jacked up to a hundred and forty bucks so if you already have windows or whatever then now you can subtract that of course though those are synthetics so the next step is to go lab rat mode and put this to the test now normally I game in VR at home on a gtx 980ti so i will be able to tell the difference if this doesn't manage to stay as smooth so let's fire up the oculus performance profiler analysis tool and head-up display which should help us pinpoint the cause of any framerate drops that we experience oh cool okay so this is Aki redesigned home interface thing now you've got this control panel here that you can move to wherever it is that you want it to go and then you can go ahead and decide well you know which menu do you want to see oh close them so there's my library there's my explore tab here then you can kind of adjust this one over here Oh neat you can interact with the desktop as well oh that's trippy let's go ahead and look at the other monitor the one that's not capturing my experience right now ah yes hey you can mess with Ivan hey Ivan I am opening your Start menu what are you gonna do about it in fact you oh wait I probably shouldn't open fraps oh that just glitched it out I don't know I don't know what this thing is yeah thank you let's get our you monitors different sizes yep one is 4k one is 1080 dang it Ivan game now right walk around the place somewhere because she didn't mean it social so you can invite people to come over to your virtual home friends currently zero friends online thanks that's why you wanted me to open that isn't it alright what's next I've played VR shooters dang it yeah it's really fun all right well I think that's good I think that's all the evidence I need this is working awesome so for our last trick we're trying out the climb kind of the crisis of VR if you think about it that way like the graphics in this game or especially when it was first released are pretty incredible compared to what else there is now what I just alright oh that's a long way to fall huh this is maximum settings yeah go go go go look at me I'm like Superman oh-oh-oh Superman falls sometimes ok so actually that went surprisingly well but still the point remains that in a massive surprise to no one just because a benchmark gives you a good score and you can run many VR games well on a relatively inexpensive budget does not automatically mean that you can run any game maxed out in VRS I mean same ideas in flat mode right so just like flat mode if you do have some more budget and you're buying a VR gaming rig it wouldn't be a terrible idea to bump your specs a little if you want to play VR versions of flat games like fallout 4 and Skyrim since VR is more demanding but frankly I've actually found that the most fun that I've had is in games that were designed for VR and what's cool is that the climb in my opinion is more of a tech demo than an actual game and that one still ran decently and most of the VR games out there that I've tried some of which are good and free like Robo recall are not nearly as demanding because it's in the developers best interest to reach as many customers as possible with their games so our PC right here and of course we're not factoring in some of the RGB nonsense and stuff like that in our in our cost 4 but our PC here can enable a ton of awesome VR experiences exactly the way it is so thanks to you guys for watching thanks to oculus for sponsoring this video if you guys dislike this video you can hit that button but if you liked it hit like get subscribed or maybe consider checking out where to buy the stuff we featured at the link in the video description also down there is our merch store which has cool shirts like is anyone wearing an LT t-shirt not no one where's your team spirit like the LT t-shirts that we have and also our community forum which you should totally join

https://youtu.be/8ZG3e_Nn2ps

#vr system

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terrytinkessphotography · 5 years

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Nikon Full-Frame Mirrorless Observations

Alright, I’ve promised to share my thoughts on the new Nikon Mirrorless camera system, so here it is, but first a few caveats.

I don’t do reviews. Many of the ones you find online (I believe) are just click bait or people in need of validation (or the occasional gas-bag who just likes hearing himself talk.) This isn’t as much a review as my observations from having used the Z7 and more recently the Z6 in the same way as I’ve used every camera I have owned. If they are helpful to you, that’s as much as I could hope for. If they aren’t, then just disregard them.

I am not a person you will ever see produce charts to display the findings of my research. Looking at charts, quite frankly, gives me a headache. Photography has always been where science and art converge, but I have unashamedly placed myself on the art side. I love taking photos, the sound of the shutter, the experience of creating something that didn’t previously exist and the joy of looking back at the images and remembering how they came to be. I have the UTMOST respect for those who spend countless hours examining the science of photography, but I don’t find my pleasure in that domain.

One other disclaimer: my observations are based upon my style of photography, and what works for me, or what is acceptable to me may or may not be acceptable to you. Before making the investment, make the effort to get your hands on a Z7 or a Z6 and decide for yourself if it seems to be something you’ll be comfortable with. There really is no such thing as a bad camera out there, but it all comes down to what you expect, what your level of tolerance is and whether you want to spend time preaching about what the perfect camera should be or you want to get out and capture memories.

All in

I decided, after a great deal of thought, that if I was to give mirrorless a fair chance, I had to go all in, and as a result have switched from a D5 and D850 combination to a Z7 and a Z6. I do believe that mirrorless is the way of the future, and nothing I heard recently at the PhotoPlus Expo in New York indicated otherwise. It is debateable, however, how quickly that will come to pass. Nikon is reportedly preparing the D6 for field testing, but they have also gone on record saying that a D5 type pro-mirrorless body is definitely something that will make an appearance as well. In the meantime, I can do everything I need to do with the two Z’s, and if something changes, I’ve still got all my F mount lenses and could switch back to the DSLR stream, but I really don’t expect to see that happen. As always, it should be the best tool for the job and if mirrorless covers most of my bases, then I’m good.

The bodies

These are extremely well-made bodies, and although lighter and smaller, they definitely exhibit the Nikon pedigree. I had no issue picking them up and starting to shoot. The menus are familiar, and while there are some differences, they were, for the most part, easily adapted to, and I find now that I have been shooting with them for a while, my comfort level is back to where I like it to be.

I don’t want to sound like Goldie Locks, but the size of the body is also “just right.” It is much less imposing than a full-size DSLR body, and I find that I am more apt to have a camera with me and ready to shoot more often. It still feels solid and the build quality is exceptional, so combined with the smaller size, it’s a nice neat package.

Nikon stressed that both the Z7 and the Z6 were weather sealed, and that has been my experience. I have shot in the rain and in wet snow without issue, which is a big plus for me. You can always find some sort of rain cover, even if it is only a zip-lock bag, but not having to use one makes things a whole lot simpler.

One thing I did notice, that I didn’t expect, was a bit of an issue with the door on the card slot. I have hit it a couple times with my thumb, causing it to come open. This could be a problem in inclement weather, but since I’ve been aware of it, I have been able to avoid the problem.

Okay, so let’s deal with what so many see as a major design flaw: the existence of only one card slot. Would I like to have two? Sure. Is it a deal breaker? Not for me, but maybe it is for you. I frequently change cards and download the images to my iPad or laptop asap as well. I have never lost an image to a faulty card, and through my workflow I minimize the chance of that happening, at least to any great degree. I do believe it is something that Nikon will address in subsequent models, but for now, one XQD card seems to work fine. (I wouldn’t be disappointed though, if the price were to drop a bit, which it probably will over time.

Lenses

I have tested both bodies with the Nikon’s latest version of the 24-70 2.8 and the 70-200 2.8 as well as the 105 micro, 105 f1.4, and the 14-24 2.8 and found them to work flawlessly despite the need to use the FTZ adaptor. I have not noticed any focusing issues, and the lenses behaved as they did on the D850. The native 24-70 f/4 and 35 1.8 are obviously lighter, but that has been less of a consideration than I would have thought. I still chose the lens I needed for the situation whether it was an F-mount or a Z-mount.

I can’t comment on how the adaptor works with third party lenses as I haven’t used any of them. My personal belief is that you invest in a system: camera body, lenses, flashes, etc. These things are designed to work together, and for me they have now that I’m a Nikon shooter and also when I was a Canon shooter. If Sigma, Tamron, Tokina or any of the others work for you, that’s great, because obtaining results that make you happy is what it all comes down to. Many people lose sight of that. If you don’t take pleasure from the photography you do, why bother?

One problem I did encounter with the adaptor is that because of the design (the bump-out at the bottom) you can’t simply switch between the native lenses and the ones that require the adaptor if you use the spider holder carrying system. The plate that fits on the bottom of the camera juts out just enough that the adaptor cannot swivel into place. If you’re using only F-mount lenses it isn’t a problem because you can connect the adaptor and then attach the plate, or you can stick with native lenses, but you can’t do both without removing and then reattaching the plate. Spider is aware of the problem and are working on it.

Small things

It was a nice bonus that both the Z6 and Z7 take the same battery as the Nikon D850, so I didn’t need to buy a couple spares. As well, the battery life in real life turned out to be better than expected. I’ve been able to shoot well over 1,000 images easily with battery power to spare.

Things I had to adjust to

The silent shutter is very nice, and I used it at a baptism without disrupting the blessed event. It is a little disconcerting when you shoot multiple frames and don’t really notice until afterwards how many you took or what they looked like when you review the images, but again, it was a matter of adjusting to something different, not something bad.

Am I the only one that truly enjoys the sound of a high-quality mechanical shutter? I miss that sound, but it seems like a small price to pay. Still, the sound the D5 makes…

The EVF

The resolution of the electronic viewfinder (EVF) is incredible. It is like watching a very small UHD television. It is such an advantage to be able to confirm settings while looking through the EVF, you are less apt to miss a shot that you might have missed while looking at the back of the camera. Once you become familiar with the layout of the various buttons and dials it becomes simple to stay engaged with your subject and make changes on the fly.

In addition, you can just push the I button on the right rear of the camera and you can

-set picture controls

-image quality

-flash mode

-control the wi-fi connection

-change the shutter release mode

-change the AF-area mode

-adjust the white balance

-set image size

-choose metering options

-control active D-Lighting

-turn vibration reduction on or off

-select the focus mode

There are a number of different viewing modes which can be set with a button on the left side of the viewfinder. You can choose viewfinder only, monitor only, prioritize viewfinder and automatic display switch.

You can also decide where you want to review your images; in the viewfinder, on the monitor or both.

The buffer

I could see this being a problem for people who shoot birds in flight, or do sports photography, but for me it wasn’t an issue and I actually think it helped me to be more selective about when I released the shutter. With the D5 or the D850 there is always the temptation to “spray and pray,” knowing that you just had to come up with something good if you held the shutter release down long enough (provided your exposure and composition were good.) Now, I find that I shoot less because I don’t want the camera telling me I can’t shoot more, and I’m more selective about what I point my lens at.

Overall

It is a busy time of year and I haven’t gotten out as much as I would like to, but I can say that I am not any less happy with the results I have obtained with the Z7 and the Z6. The weight loss is much appreciated and having a camera ready to go more often can’t help but improve the number of opportunities I come across. There are definitely things that need to be worked on (second card slot, larger buffer, higher frame rate) but the roadmap Nikon released shows that there will be a number of improvements to come, many that may already be far along in the development process. Bottom line: both these cameras take excellent photos, and if you’re not a frustrated engineer, you should be able to enjoy using them. There will always be something new and something better, but do you want to spend your time waiting for it, or do you want to spend your time capturing really great images?

#nikonz7 #Nikon Z6

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deadboxprime · 6 years

Text

Shooting Guns and Shooting Hoops

This is a repost from 2014. Together with the other two reposts, I think it adds something valuable to conversation we’re about to have as a result of the Texas Shooting.

A few weeks ago, John Stewart did a show in which he criticized an NRA rally because everything they were saying seemed to reference political events that did not have an immediately obvious connection to gun control. Stewart was being intentionally ignorant. He knew exactly what the point was.

Given the handling of Obamacare do you trust the government to make good decisions about your right to bears arms? Given the handling of the Benghazi attacks, do you trust the government to control your guns? Given the current political environment, how much do you really trust the government?

First, a word about gun control before the meat of this post. Advocates of gun control frequently insist that you don't “need” a particular weapon, and some insist that you don't “need” any at all. Like Stewart they completely miss the point, although he does it intentionally to be funny. We have come to a point where our ideals are at odds, and we have to prioritize them. Does the Civil Rights Act supercede the Constitution? Does the government have the right to force people to have health care? How much power should the federal government have? And so forth. The matter of gun control is central to the whole affair. It is not about whether or not you need a gun or a particular gun.

Do you have the right to determine for yourself what you need? Or it is the role of the government to do that for you? Does public safety override Constitutional rights? Do the rights of the group take priority over the right of the individual? While public safety may benefit everyone, ensuring it by enacting gun control will deprive individuals of their rights. Some may be willing to forfeit these, but many will not. This isn't about guns. It is about self-determination versus group participation. It is about relinquishing control to the group.

Why giving up that control would be a problem brings us to the rest of this post. The NRA often screams out that the real problem in the recent shootings is not guns, but the failure of the mental health system. In this assertion they are only partially correct, and have no real understanding of what it is that they mean.

There is no mental health system in this country. There is a system for treating mental illness, which we refer to as “mental health” to be politically correct. Recent gun violence does underscore the failings of that system. Recently, a Virginia senator's son took his own life after having been seen by a mental health center, and returned home. But that is only a small portion of the matter.

In truth, there are many factors that influence gun violence, and there is no neat and tidy solution that is going to address them all. If there ever were, this would only initiate more random knifings, as there was in a high school a few weeks ago (I don't know whether to feel proud about calling that one...I was right, but what a thing to be right about). Nevertheless, actually addressing mental health might be a way to rein in many of these factors.

Violent movies have been around since the beginning of movies. In the beginning, it would be a fair argument to say that they reflected the world around them. Art imitated life. Added to much of these movies was also a pretty strong message about right and wrong. With the end of the Production Code, movies have been free to be violent without restriction and without any moral content to balance the violence. Certainly, the characters in the films feel justified, but justification is not equivalent to moral behavior. The MPAA guidelines are usually ignored even by the theaters themselves. Let's call this one factor, and set it aside to return to later.

Video games have typically included violence since the beginning. The Pacman ghosts weren't selling bibles, Donkey Kong was not about preaching lovingkindness, Space Invaders was not about the dangers of hugs, and Missile Command was not about peaceful co-existence. Still, these games by themselves are relatively harmless. Fast forward to today, where we have first person shooter games in high definition, with high resolution brain splatter, and it changes matters. Call this another factor.

Did you ever go to church when you were a kid? It used to be very common for families to go to church. It was also very common for kids to hate every minute of it. Nevertheless, despite all the sexual abuse and in some cases outright hatred preached in some religious institutions, organized religion served a purpose. Between the religious institutions and parents (note the plural), moral behavior was transmitted to children and reinforced. I believe that this is another factor.

What is the impact of the expanded labor force, including women and minorities?

What is the impact of the cost of living? What is the impact of what we need to survive modern life on our sanity?

Roll all the factors together and examine the level of stress and pathogenic influences in our society today. That's where your gun violence comes from, and that's where the status of our mental health is ignored. Imagine a 24 hour cycle of violent video games and movies, instanteous widespread rejection over the internet and the generally frustrating drama that is our lives distilled into a pathogenic (crazy-making, basically) influence on our lives. The question then becomes not Why are there so many shootings, but Why aren't there more and What can we do to reinforce those protective factors?

Sure. Go ahead. Take the shot that we both know you're conjugating in your head. No. I am not advocating for a return to a time when only white men worked while women stayed home and African Amercians “knew their place” and movies all had happy endings. I am noting these factors as social changes which are complicit in creating a pathological experience of society and the living conditions it thrusts upon us. This will only get worse as the population increases, and the socialists convince us all that for the public good we must give up any individualistic ideals. Not everything is a slippery slope, but they do exist. (Usually they take so long to happen that no one notices).

The most recent example (as I write this) of media driven idiocy and intolerance is the Donald Sterling LA Clippers comments. Certainly, this man needs to sell the team and get out of basketball, probably sports in general. A few points, however. In the history of racism his comments were pretty mild, and this was a private conversation released without his permission. I'd hate to think I can call my local senator an ass while sitting in my living room and find myself out of a job the next day. I think it's pretty clear though that this was not his first offense, and for that reason it takes almost nothing to tip the scales and make the decision that it is time for him to go.

The “media-driven idiocy” part comes from the frenzy that the idiot majority engaged in over these comments. Tweets and interviews, everyone commenting on what little he said, getting the facts wrong and ignoring all the circumstances around it. It was a circus, and it is shocking and unacceptable that this kind of group-think mob behavior can force the NBA to take steps to “protect the brand.” This is exactly what Silver was doing in banning and fining Sterling. If the NBA gave a damn about his behavior they would have addressed it long ago. If Sterling is forced to sell the team and get out of basketball as he should, I hope he makes a staggering profit on the team. Before you get all angry and tell me I'm wrong, explain to me why NFL millionaires can run around on the field of play making all kinds of vile racial comments with impunity, but an NBA billionaire is forced to sell his team without having made so much as a racial epithet?

Whether you agree with my position regarding Sterling or not, you are certainly aware of the types of media circus behavior that I'm talking about. We see them at least every four years in the United States. The factors involved in creating the world we live in are precisely what increases the likelihood of gun violence, and the deluded sleep of the idiot majority too stupid to notice or care about what is occurring beneath and behind their media addiction is why I do not trust giving control of anything to any group. I cannot imagine anyone who would think themselves safer by turning over control of their guns and their lives to the micro-minded herd.

©2018 Deadbox Prime. All opinions expressed on this blog are property of the author and may not be used or reproduced without permission. Limited permission is granted, retroactively, for reblogging or link posting for personal, not-for-profit use. Permission does not apply to material found at any page listed as a reference, nor should it be in any way misconstrued to give permission to use the work of another without citing it as such. Receive post notifications on Twitter, and between post commentary on Facebook. Comments welcome.

#deadbox prime #gun control

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