can you stupid ass pick me lando fans STOP trying to “noooo his names not acccctually lando norris its ackshually bob!!1!!1!1!! we have to gaaatekeep guyysssuhhh the 😡NEWGENS😡 are gonna take overrruhhhhh he wont be ours anymoooorreeeeee” KILL YOURSELF DUDE HES A CELEBRITY ITS NOT THAT FUCKING DEEP DONT ACT AS IF YOU DIDNT GET INTO F1 BY WATCHING A LANDO EDIT THAT GUESS WHAT THE PEOPLE DIDNT GATEKEEP SO FUCK OFF
“here as proof i was a lando girly before chicken shop date!” YOU GUYS WANTED HIM ON THE SHOW AND NOW YOURE COMPLAINING THAT HE IS AND WHINING AND CRYING AND FUCKING SNOBBLING ALL OVER YOUR SCREEN BECAUSE HE WAS IN AN INTERVIEW THAT YOU VOTED FOR HIM TO BE IN BECAUSE SOME OTHER FANS ARE GONNA SEE HIM MORE THAN YOU?? WAAAH WAAAAH CRY ABOUT IT NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FLICKERING FLOATING FUCK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU SCREAM AND COMPLAIN IN COMMENT SECTIONS IT AINT GONNA DO JACK SHIT YOU FUCKING PICK ME WANNABE WAG BITCH
“oh my god is already happeneing…. theyre finding out abt him!!! gatekeep gatekeep” YOURE BUILT LIKE A GATE YOU FUCKING NOLIFER ACTUALLY TOUCH SOME GRASS YOU CRAZY ASS INCEL 💀💀 OFC PEOPLE ARE BOUND TO FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE HES FUCKING FAMOUS DUDE AND OBVIOUSLY YOU FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE IF YOURE TRYNA GATEKEEP HIM RIGHT? RIGHT??
no joke i saw a comment reply to someone saying hes cute but doesnt know who he is scream and cry and whine and BITCH AND MOAN that “noooo hes ours for the f1 community only xx 💖💖🥰🥰” Hes not going to date you. You’re probably ugly as dogshit that someone stepped on irl.
AND THEN WHEN SOMEONE TOLD THEM TO DROP IT BECAUSE THEY AINT GONNA DATE HIM THEY SAID SOME STUPID ASS SHIT LIKE “well you dont know how i feel so strongly abt him he needs to be protected from the new fans!! xx 🙄” what the fuck ?? are u mentally ill? are u fucking crazy? did you get dropped on your head as a baby down a flight of stairs?
And before ANY of u come after me saying “oh my gawd u probably got into f1 through a lando edit too don’t even 🙄🤪ur js like us” NO i did not ive known abt ts since i was THREE YEARS OF AGE ANDDD DOOOONT PULL UP W SOME “yeah ur probably a charles fan instead then average female fan” im an oscar and yuki and zhou defender go fuck yourself with your lando themed dildo cz he aint want u and thats the closest ur shit ass is gonna get
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mlb if there was tiktok would basically be:
*MY AU OBVI*
the usernames
@ chatnoirfanpage- chat
@ ladybugoffical- lb
@ adrienagreste- adriens main acc
@ dj.nino- ninos main acc
@ theladyblog- lasyblog acx
@ alyalb- alya main acc
@ maridc- mari main account
@ lbmarryme- adrien secret
@ childishgamnino- nino secret acc- guys i’m really proud of that one
@ lbmarryme2- alya secret
@ maribread- marinette
there’s more but pretty self explanatory
this is post reveal pre relationship
*edit of chat being hot*
1.4 mil likes
102k comments
@ chatnoirfanpage : omg wow he’s so hot @ ladybugoffical you should definitely see this and marry him and have his kids
|—- @ ladybugoffical : omg chat get off your phone your late for patrol
@ maridc: GAWD DAYUM
|— @ maridc: shit wrong acc
|— @ maribae129: SHE HAS ANOTHER ONE
@ maribread: GAWDDDD DAYYUMM
|- @ marrymelb: offer still stands
|- @ maribread: who are you🤨
|- @ marrymelb: ur future bf ;)
|- @ marrymelb2: GUYS NOT IN A PUBLIC COMMENT SECTION😭😭
*adrien posts a thirst trap*
1.2 mil likes
204k comments
@ maridc: hi agresty zesty😉😉😉😉
|_@ adrienagreste: hi marbar 😏😏😏😏
|-@ adrienettelover: PROOF
@ childishgamnino: hot sexy hmu bbg😍
|- @ marrymelb: made it just for u bbg 😘
@ alyalb: cringe
|- @ adrienagreste: i do not like you.
@ maribread : BAIDKFOAMWIDOCMG
|-@ maribread: sorry my keys slipped
|-@ maribread: HANDS DIPPED
|-@ maribread: FUCK HANDS SLIPPED
|—- @ lbmarryme2: girl…
|—-@ childishgamnino: girl…
|- @ lbmarryme: dipped to where😏😏😏
|- @ lbmarryme2: dawg…
|- @ childishgamnino: dawg…
*mari posts a thirst trap*
883k likes
102k comments
@ adrienagreste: oh
|- @ adrienagreste: im
|- @lbmarryme: wait
|- @ lbmarryme: holy
|- @childishgamnino: DAWG HAD TO GRAB A WHOLE NEW ACCOUNT😭😭
@ chatnoirfanpage: hi marinette dupain cheng im a superhero
|- @ adrienagreste: hi marinette dupain cheng IM a famous model
|- @ chatnoirfanpage: shut up ur ugly and ur hair is fake
|- @ alyalb: BAHA
@ lukacouffine: you look pretty marinette!!
|- @ chatnoirfanpage: shut up blueberry
|- @ adrienagreste: #ihatelukacouffine
|- @lbmarryme: shut up i bring a guitar to a party, sound pretty farty, your hair is fake blue, looks like poo, fake earring in one ear, puke whenever i’m near
|- @ childishgamnino: DUDE WAS SO MAD HE STARTED RHYMING 😭😭
|- @ marrymelb2: SUNNY WAS DROPPING BARS 🔥🔥
|- @ lukacouffine: 1) I HAVE A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND 2)AT LEAST I SAID SOMETHING PUSSY 3) chat noir ur fr a bitch🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
|-@ chatnoirfanpage: who’s chat noir 🤨🤨
@ alyalb: HOTTIE WOW THATS MY BEST FRIEND
@ alyalb: @dj.nino im leaving u for mari❤️
|- @ dj.nino: not if i leave first babe❤️❤️
|- @ alyalb: u love me too much to leave me ❤️
|- @ dj.nino: ugh u caught me 👐
|- @ adrienagreste: @ maridc how do they make everything into flirting
|- @ maridc: couldnt tell ya!
quick little switch to twitter
#ihatelukacouffine is trending on twitter
@ adrienagreste: guys i don’t hate @lukacouffine and yes my father did make me say this and yes me and luka are now married
|- @lukacouffine: it’s ok babe 😘
|- @ adrienagreste: thanks blue blue bear 💙💙
|- @ dj.nino: did i just become the other women?????
|- @ alyalb: @ maridc @ kagamifence HELLO???
|- @ kagamifence: I do not comprehend nor understand this joke of “bromance”. Luka is still my boyfriend, yes?
|- @ lukacouffine: yes my muse
@ maridc: adrien babe what is this
|— @ adrienagreste: public statement bug🫡
|—- @ lukacouffine: u hate me cause u ain’t me 🤘
|- @ maridc: LUKA BAHAHA
ok back to tik tok
*lila posts a sad attempt of a thirst trap but it doesn’t work bc she’s ugly and she tags adrien*
204k likes
102k comments
@ marrymelb: no chance adrien wanted to be tagged
|—- @ xoxolilarossi: your literally a private acc with 8 followers. you’re just jealous of me and adriens relationship
|— @ marrymelb2: BHAHAH IM PISSING MYSELF
|- @ marrymelb: nah wtf is this shit
@ alyalb: love thé confidence girly!!
|- @ marrymelb: confidence nah that’s crazy😭
|- @ xoxolilarossi: thanks als💕💕🥹🥹 you know ever since i got both my eyes removed and plugged back in i’ve been so insecure about my face
|—@ tomfoolery: why did u get ur eyes out
|- @ lbmarryme2: if i looked like u i would be insecure too babe
🐞🐈🦊🐢
sunny: ALYA
als: BAHHA
sunny: SHE FUCKING BLOCKED ME
als: NO WAY
jay z: wait what happened?? i was in the studio
sunny: look at l***a’s post
jay z: EW
als: WE ARE SO MEAN I LOVE IT
sunny: we aren’t mean we are just mean to l***a!! 😁
sunny: can mari respond
sunny: my lady
sunny: tikki spots on
als: did u think that would summon her💀
sunny: …
sunny: no
jay z: he def did
bugapoo: hi wtf did l***a post
sunny: her ugly ass
als: ADRIEN AGRESTE
bugapoo: HOW DID U GET BLOCKED
sunny: *ss of the comments from his priv acc*
bugapoo: NAHHN😭😭
sunny: mari come over
bugapoo: ok
jay z: no booty calls in the group chat❌❌
sunny: NO I MEAN COME OVER TO MAKE A TIKTOK OF US BEING TOGETHER TO MAKE HER LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS
als: adrien shut up that’s so funny
sunny: I KNOW
jay z: marinette can u send hw answers btw
jay z: mari
jay z: I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANY LB EXCUSES EITHER THERE WAS NOTHING THIS WEEK
jay z: marriiii PLS HELP A BROTHA OUT
sunny: i left it at home
als: adrien what??
sunny: *photo of mari and adrien in his room, both sporting goofy lovesick burns and thumbs up*
jay z: 😭😭
als: BAHAH
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MATERIAL WORLD: THE GRID
Grid your loins, it's Dave Ball (left) and Richard Norris
Picture: Roger Sargent
NME magazine, 30 October 1993 — full article text bellow
WHERE ARE YOU NOW AND HOW DO YOU FEEL?
RICHARD: In the Village Inn as usual, unshaven, post-remixing lag
DAVE: The Village Inn, tired and emotional
FIRST RECORD YOU EVER BOUGHT?
R: ‘Blockbuster’, The Sweet
D: ‘Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes’, Edison Lighthouse
WHO WOULD DIRECT THE ‘TEXAS COWBOYS’ MOVIE?
R: Andy Warhol, if he was alive, Lonesome Cowboys 2
D: Sam Peckinpah – lots of fake blood
WHICH CHARACTER WOULD YOU HAVE PLAYED IN THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY?
R: Clint – for the stubble and cheroots
D: Lee Van Cleef. He wears black clothes, smokes cigars – my kind of guy
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW MARC ALMOND AND WHAT WAS HE DOING?
D: On TV, doing a costume-change at Royal Albert Hall
DESCRIBE EACH OTHER IN THREE WORDS?
R: Jolly Uncle Jack
D: Griff Rhys Jones
WAS VIC REEVES AS SURREAL IN REAL LIFE?
R: Haddock
FONDEST MEMORY OF YOUR NME DAYS?
R: Jack Barron ranting, Fred Dellar (gawd bless ’im) and two weeks in Ibiza on expenses
MOST EMBARRASSING RECORD IN YOUR COLLECTION?
R: A double LP of Barbara Woodhouse teaching dogs to sit. Walkies!
D: ‘In The Night’ by Tony Blackburn
HOW DO YOU SEE THE FUTURE OF SPAGHETTI DISCO?
R: Take That doing ‘Rawhide’
BEST THING ABOUT PERFORMING LIVE?
R: Watching the wide-eyed and legless
WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
R: Punk rock, disco
D: Everything
WORST FLYING EXPERIENCE?
R: Being in economy class
D: Flying from LA to London on acid; flying from London to the South of France with Depeche Mode, dropping 1,000 feet when we hit an air pocket
WHO WOULD BE YOUR DREAM COLLABORATION?
R: Iggy Pop
D: A film score with John Barry/Angelo Badalamenti
IF YOU HAD A LABEL WHICH TWO ROCK ACTS WOULD YOU SIGN?
R: AC/DC, Nine Inch Nails
D: Zodiac Mindwarp, The Ramones
WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN THEY DESCRIBED YOUR MUSIC AS “JUNGLE” ON CORONATION STREET?
R: Smashing, chuck
D: I liked it so much I sampled it
FIRST BANDS?
R: The Innocent Vicars, The Fruitbats, The Wild Kitchen, East Of Eden
D: Soft Cell
HOW MANY TELEVISIONS DO YOU OWN
R: About 20. I got a fine for not having a license
DESCRIBE YOUR TOTP EXPERIENCE?
D: Tedium-tastic
THREE GREAT THINGS ABOUT THAILAND AT CHRISTMAS?
R: The sky at night, bats, blue-capped evenings with neon fish
HOW WOULD YOU SPEND AN IDEAL SUNDAY AFTERNOON?
R: Horizontally, after a bad game of golf
D: Lunch with friends and good wine
WHAT'S THE WEIRDEST SITUATION YOU'VE EVER BEEN IN?
R: Being surrounded by Hackney constabulary with Genesis and Paula P Orridge at 5am after imitating a Sunday People reporter
D: Running naked down a Madrid hotel corridor with Stevo, wielding two replica Flintlock pistols, chasing two Spanish girls
FAVOURITE PEOPLE?
D: Richard & Judy, Paul Merton, Dennis The Barman
CAN YOU RETIRE ON THE MONEY ‘TAINTED LOVE’ MADE IN AMERICA?
D: No, but I'm, sure our American lawyers and A&R men could!
WHAT DID MADONNA DO WHEN YOU UPSTAGED HER IN NEW YORK?
D: She forgave me the next morning
CHOOSE A RECORD TO WAKE UP TO/SLEEP TO/HAVE SEX TO
R: Wake up: ‘Cobalt Blue’, Michael Brook. Sleep: ‘Music For Airports’, Brian Eno. Sex: ‘There's A Riot Goin' On’, Sly And The Family Stone
D: Wake up: ‘Rise And Shine’, The Flintstones. Sleep: ‘Very/Relentless’, Pet Shop Boys. Sex: ‘Neroli’, Brian Eno
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?
R: Write a mean paragraph. I could be an A&R man if I was really desperate
D: Top oarsman and not a bad cook
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO?
R: Like Aldous Huxley
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Hey-o, it’s Toby!
Name: Toby Sayshi
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Species: Blue spotted Gelert
Family: Tiger, Roxy, Nylix (siblings), Milos (boyfriend)
Homeland: Mystery Island
Occupation: Petpet shelter worker
Passionate, if not somewhat standoffish, Toby lives his life with purpose, never slowing down. He throws himself wholeheartedly into his interests, and while this produces amazing results, his other obligations can be pushed to the side, if not completely forgotten. He is very tall and athletic, and enjoys long runs to keep himself fit. The most important thing to him, and what he puts most of his energy towards is petpets. His own petpet, a spotted spardel named Spunky, is spoiled to the core, getting the best food, toys, and treats Toby can afford - most of his meager salary goes towards Spunky. For Toby, he’s worth it, he would do anything to keep his happy and healthy. Wherever Toby goes, Spunky is sure to follow.
When he was nine years old Toby, at the urging of his parents, adopted Spunky from a small petpet shelter. Growing up he often thought back on that day, remembering the petpets left behind in those small, cramped kennels, looking miserable. When he turned fourteen he began volunteering at that same shelter, determined to make the petpets happier. Most of his teenage years were spent there and the work made him genuinely happy. He was officially hired at nineteen, when the shelter moved to a new, bigger location. Since then his job has steadily gotten him more and more involved with petpet care. Setting up fundraisers became a regular thing for him, and in his mid twenties the Neopian Petpet Association offered him jobs in other countrys to help promote local shelters and the ‘Adopt don’t shop!’ motto. It was one of these events that Toby met Milos. Milos was part of a small indie band that enjoyed playing for charity events. The two hit it off, and their relationship, though long distance most of the time, has been strong for five years. His job hasn't changed much since then, and it might not pay well, but the reward of helping homeless petpets is enough for him.
Other fun facts!
Frutarian, favorite color is light-grey-blue, favorite food is Lutaya fruit (raw, grilled, or in a smoothie, yum!) Favorite type of music is mainly indie pop but his taste can be eclectic. On the autism spectrum. HATES pianos. Also HATES when his stuff gets moved its in a very specific spot if you move it he cant find it leave it be!!! Always goes to bed on time so he can get up early and run. Loves Gadgadsbogen. Not good at sewing. Casual but suave clothing style. Doesn't like to be interrupted. Independent. Not a fan of tourists.
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