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ruan566 · 2 months

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What the fuckity fucking fuck

By me

Both Dazai and Chuuya were late.

Which while not unusual for either of them given a certain someone's unwillingness to be on time and the other certain someone's unwillingness to not drag the other certain someone behind.

Kouyou was almost ready to drag both of those menaces to the Executive meeting if they didn't enter within the next five minutes.

Goodness knew what exactly were they planning.

And everyone was aware things that started with Soukoku either ended in tragic gay shit or chaotic gay shit.

It wasn't that Kouyou wasn't supportive of those two boys becoming closer and hopefully more.

She just hoped they'd have more discretion than this.

They could roll in the sheets all they liked but they had to stand tall in the Mafia.

And finally both of those troublemaking Executives entered.

Chuuya sporting an annoyed look (usual) and Osamu sporting an equally annoyed look (not so usual).

This was all according to norm.

What wasn't according to norm was how they were dressed.

Chuuya was wearing a.....dog costume......while Dazai was in a ......fish costume.

Mori actively stickered from behind his table looking at the Executives with a grin that was part nostalgic (???!!!??) and part amused.

Chuuya's cheeks burned as Kouyou's obviously shell shocked expression and the Boss' amused expression entered his sight.

He crossed his arms, pouting, "Blame this stupid dumb fish. He messed up the plan Let's dance monkey dance."

Kouyou choked on air.

Mori raised an eyebrow.

Hirotsu sighed deeply like some war veteran, too used to the antics of Soukoku due to being the unofficial therapist-drinking buddy-uncle-too-underpaid-for-this-shit of the Port Mafia.

And all of them arrived on the same conclusion simultaneously.

This was going to be chaotic gay shit.

And proving them all true Dazai pouted, retorting, "And who's fault is it that he messed up the Drowning Penguins and Swimming Bananas mission? Has Chibi's hat finally eaten his brain? Or......"

Dazai bent downwards, forcing Chuuya to make eye contact with him by forcing Chuuya's chin up, "Was there no brain in the first place, hmm?"

Obviously Chuuya was not to be deterred now, thus he launched on his crusade of announcing his grievances against Dazai.

Also known as the closeted gay speech by Kouyou, "Oye fucker! That wasn't my fault you didn't tell me that Let's go crazy and destroy the world was also part of the plan."

"Ahh, so Chuuya wasn't aware that the funky bear plan couldn't be continued without the apeshit part?"

"No, shitcakes was supposed to be after that!"

Hirotsu checked his watch, waiting for this to get over or (the more probable and sane choice) when Boss would finally throw them both out.

"Chibi has finally gone sensile. Shitcakes is after homiciding time, of course Chibiko isn't evolved enough to understand. Ahh, let's start with the more simpler commands, shall we? Sit, Chuuya."

Kouyou helder her katana tighter, praying to God to give her the patience to not stab both of these children and be done with it.

"Who the fuck are you calling a dog, you dimwitted fuckster enemy of all women bandaged bastard??"

Mori's eye twitched.

"Has Chuuya's IQ dropped so low that he can't even recognise himself?"

Kouyou whispered to herself, "You both have to shout then shout but why do you have to stand so close that it looks like you're going to kiss, hmm?"

Mori's other eye also twitched and he clapped his hands.

Kouyou and Hirotsu looked at him as if he was a Messiah.

"Now now, Chuuya-kun, Dazai-kun, how about both of you take a break and relax given how overworked both of you have been these past few weeks, hmm?"

Both Dazai and Chuuya looked at the boss then at each other then bowed and ran out of the room.

All the three present inside the room released a collective sigh of relief.

Dazai and Chuuya had run fast.

Simply because then just couldn't control their laughter anymore.

Dazai wheezed, "Hahaha, did you....did you...did you see how Mori reacted?"

Chuuya took some deep breaths to steady himself, "Well, seems your plan worked, Dazai."

Dazai smiled, "Our plan worked, slug."

Chuuya gulped staring at the familiar face so warm, so open and so happy.

He turned around so Dazai couldn't see his burning cheeks.

Tugging Dazai's sleeves he said in a breathless voice, "Let's go to the arcade to spend our free time."

Dazai looked at Chuuya's back, his smile streching farther, "Let's go, Chuuya!"

You'll never take us alive

We swore that death will do us part

They'll call our crimes a work of art

"Huh??!!"

A random Mafia grunt #1 gasped.

Random Mafia grunt #2 looked at the other like an elderly sister looked at a baby sibling (fucking annoyed sibling that is).

"Ah to be this young and naive."

Random Mafia grunt #1 looked at her in shock, "You're not even three years older than me, senpai!"

Random mafia grunt #2 patted his shoulder, "I know. I wish I could've protected your innocence more, kouhai."

Random Mafia grunt #1 appeared touched, "Oh..wait a fucking second you dragged me inri this department!"

The other sighed and nodded, "Yes but as your senpai it's my job to protect you."

"Protect me, how?"

The other looked at him as he she had suffered through torture and seen untold horrors.

Random Mafia grunt #1 appeared scared looking at her with concern, "Is it some super powerful enemy?"

"No. Worse. It's Soukoku."

Random Mafia grunt #1 appeared perplexed as to why their Boss' would be some supposed untold horror and as to how they could be the reason behind this song.

The song continued to play in the background, as suddenly two teenagers, one redhead and the other with dark brown curls looked at each other.

"The redhead is Nakahara Chuuya. Most popular Executive, don't fuck with him, or fuck around him....his enemies end up becoming the Demon Prodigy's enemies. The brown head is said Demon Prodigy. His enemies end up becoming stains on the torture chambers' walls. Together they form the most queer coded duo, Soukoku. Honestly if they were actors I'd ask if we're being queer baited..."

Random Mafia grunt #2 explained, Random Mafia grunt #1 still appeared perplexed.

"I don't get the music."

"Are you blind as well as brain dead?"

The other asked in geniune concern no hint of mockery visible in her grey eyes.

"Huh?"

The other sighed and just tilted her head in the direction of the famous duo.

And Random Mafia grunt #1 just watched.

You'll never take us alive

We swore that death will do us part

They'll call our crimes a work of art

You'll never take us alive

We'll live like spoiled royalty, lovers and partners

Partners in crime

Both the teenagers were defeating the enemy while simultaneously dancing in syn with the beat and tune.

And fuck was that a big speaker floating in the air, covered in Nakahara's gravity that covered the whole ground on the field he stepped on in a crimson outline.

And Random Mafia grunt #1 fainted.

The other's around him just sighed and clicked their tongues, while Random Mafia grunt #2 took her kouhai in her arms to deposit him to the medical squad.

"Another victim?"

The doctor asked.

Random Mafia grunt #2 nodded.

Such is the life of Port Mafia.

Dazai's funeral was today.

Most of the members weren't sure how to proceed.

Sure they were scared shitless of Dazai but still being happy on the death of a superior wasn't something their pockets could handle.

Hence, the awkward silence that remained throughout the ceremony.

Finally everyone was slowly emptying the halls.

Kouyou just seemed heartbroken for Osamu and Chuuya, looking at Chuuya time and time again.

Hirotsu gave Chuuya a hug.

Mori-san had given Chuuya-san a holiday of three weeks to recover from the loss of his partner.

And finally only Chuuya was left.

He kicked the coffin slowly.

"They left, you piece of shit. Stop pretending."

"How many weeks?"

"Three weeks, if he doesn't find out we can stretch the holiday to four weeks."

And then came out Dazai dressed in a white suit and one eye covered in bandages.

Both Dazai and Chuuya high fived.

"Where are we going?"

Chuuya questioned as he helped Dazai out of the coffin box.

"Arcade, movie nights and then sight seeing, India."

"Fuck yes!"

Chuuya answered.

And while both of them were known as he deadliest duo in the history of Yokohama, what the Mafia also knew them as was the slacker duo of the Mafia.

Honestly it was everyone else's fault for falling for this obvious a ploy.

Atsushi was too tired for this shit.

"FIFTY LAPS!?!!"

Akutagawa looked at Atsushi as if Atsushi was a strangled rat that Akutagawa had been wanting to kill for far too long.

God fucking dammit why did Atsushi had to be so masochist as to have a crush on his potential killer ?!?

Well he could always tell Akutagawa how his presence filled Atsushi with warmth and then Akutagawa would leave him alone .......but then Atsushi was a masochistic teenager with a crush.

Meaning: too little braincells.

"Yes, jinko-san."

Chuuya replied, looking at Atsushi as if he'd grown another head.

Dazai snickered from behind his partner.

"But but.... I've never Chuuya-san I I ...well...."

Chuuya raised an eyebrow, "Do you want to do hundred, kiddo?"

Atsushi ran, like the fucking kitty that he was.

And why the fuck was his own brain so intent on his assassinating his non existent sense of self worth?!!

Actually forget all that. Why the fuckity fucking fuck had Atsushi agreed to this shit show of a training from Soukoku in the first place?!??!

And today was only the second day.

It wasn't even anything useful that they learnt.

What the fuck sort of advice was play cool music and go to arcades?!?

Sure Soukoku could dance and destroy the enemy together.

But they had the most powerful brain and most powerful brawn.

They were needed in moments of delicacy and strategy.

The so called "Shin Soukoku" was more of a power package to be deployed when only power was needed.

Akutagawa looked back at Jinko.

The only reason he had joined was

a) his sister called him a coward for not confronting his crush

b) his sister called him an idiot for not knowing the name of his own crush

c) Jinko

d) last and least Boss' orders

He looked back at Atsushi who looked tired beyond belief and with pure intentions Akutagawa opened his mouth to ask: are you alright, jinko?

What his tsundere-emo filter turned it into was: pathetic weakling jinko.

And from there the two rivals tried to out ran each other.

And in their attempts both of them tripped around their second lap.

"Ow" "Fuck you too Akutagawa!" "Too cowardly to do it yourself?" were the simultaneous reaction.

Dazai and Chuuya just stared at their proteges and raised an eyebrow respectively.

"You two alright?"

Atsushi nodded and complained, launching in a righteous speech, "But why are we leaning how you two did? This is our partnership. We can make our own rules."

Akutagawa nodded along side him.

Both Dazai and Chuuya smiled (wide and happy in Chuuya's case, and the Dazai typical smirks in Dazai' case.)

"Finally!"

Dazai clapped his hands, exclaiming with joy.

Atsushi looked at his mentor as if he had gone crazy....which ok was a wrong question.

He looked at his mentor as if he had gone crazier.

"We both just wanted you to realise that. There's no short cut to a partnership. You have to make your own ground rules and mistakes."

Chuuya explained.

Atsushi shot a miserable and betrayed glance in Dazai's direction.

Akutagawa just nodded along as if Chuuya made complete sense.

"So what about all the laps we did yesterday and all the other exercises?!? They weren't "trust exercises??""

Chuuya laughed, open unabashed and amused.

Dazai looked at Chuuya as if he was the most precious thing on earth.

Which fuck him.

If Atsushi stared at his crush he was a masochist and when Dazai did it how come Yosano-san called him dedicated and loyal like those shoujou mangas?

This was injustice.

This was cruelty.

Chuuya controlled his laughter with a lot of effort.

"Ahh, sorry kiddos. Let's go to dinner, my treat, as an apology, hmm?"

Akutagawa looked like someone else had called Jinko a rival.

He quickly dragged Jinko away from those two.

Becaus as the rules in Port Mafia went

A) don't fuck with Dazai (reason: Dazai and Chuuya)

B) don't fuck Chuuya (reason: Dazai)

C) don't go to lunch or meeting with Soukoku (reason: chaotic gay shit)

He shouted back, "I realised I'm in love with Jinko, Chuuya-san, Dazai-san!"

Even his tsundere-emo filter was against their antics.

Dazai just seemed happy for securing a dinner with Chuuya.

"It's a date then, chibi-chan!"

And he pulled Chuuya along while Chuuya was too flustered to move.

#chuuya x dazai #bsd #bungou stray dogs #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #crack fic #what the fuck #what am i doing #idk #shin soukoku #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd akutagawa #atsushi nakajima #atsushi x akutagawa #soukouku

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