#fuck i am so happy for Brawn i think it would truly be the most unfair thing in the entire sport if they had screwed them over

[normal-thoughts-official]

i don't think i've ever said this about choices before but wow this really was the ladies' chapter and i for one am thrilled. we didn't get a lot of imtura as usual but what we did get I was very happy with. i've said this before but i'm loving seeing imtura growing more confident (more than she was in book 1, even) and stepping into the leadership role she was always perfect for but never confident enough to really take. of course she was the wraith's captain but i think this is the first time we're seeing imtura really plan in detail what they're going to do, take charge of the group. she's not asking and she's not apologetic but not imposing either, listening to ideas and adjusting accordingly. she's a great leader and it's so nice to see her really grow into that role, especially since her main conflict in book 2 has been about feeling like she's not good enough to be anything other than the brawns. she has 100% been the brains of the team these last few chapters, and she doesn't even seem to realize she's doing it. it's great to see. i'm also liking seeing her slowly repair her dynamic with mal. i've written before about how mal and imtura have always been the only ones who get each other in the group, and how falling out must have been devastating to both of them. and now we're starting to see them slowly fall back into their groove, teasing each other but still with a lot of respect, and slowly starting to get over the hurt they both put on each other. although i wish it was being addressed more directly, i'm still loving it. and of course, their consistent reminders that her most important value is equality - you share the wealth, share the food, take care of each other. that's the kind of leader she is, in direct opposition of her mother who wished to centralize everything and institute hierarchy. imtura is an orc to the bone, free and strong but caring and believing in equality, and i love seeing that being consitently shown these last few chapters. also, her dancing scene was so fucking sweet

valax is simply the love of my life. and we got TWO separate chances to make out with her. the world is a beautiful place. but more than that, we are getting to know her better, and reconcile the valax we first met with the valax we saw at ironbreach. i like how they're not at odds, and although there's the obvious, well, brainwashing aspect, she is violent because she's kind and cares about her people. by which i mean lines like this:

it's not at all unlike what MC is doing. as much as everyone MC kills or incapacitates or whatever is some faceless rando, they're still essentialy waging war for what they believe in. and i like that. as i've said before, my favorite thing about blades 2 is how it's been unraveling all of the myths from book 1, showing the other side. history is written by the victors and all that, and i think book 2 is really showing how it's important to question those nationalistic myths where everything on your side is good, the other is bad, etc. and valax telling us about how the Light Realm fucked the Shadow Realm over adds to that, which makes valax an important part of the plot not only as a villain or potential love interest but also as an important source of information about the worldbuilding and what the other side is like. at the same time, we got to see her being conflicted - admitting that she's naive, starting to question the state of the army, betraying MC but also apologizing for it - and just overall a complex person/villain. we got more backstory, more of her motivations, more glimpses of Shadow Realm history, truly we got everything from valax this chapter

i also love how her betrayal was not only inevitable but also due to a fundamental flaw in nia's plan: assuming valax would choose self-preservation over completing her mission and helping her people. it'd be a safe bet to make with pretty much anyone else, but we've seen enough of valax to know that it definitely doesn't apply to her - she has never lived for herself, she doesn't exist for herself, and so she was always going to bid her time until she could go through the pain to complete the mission. that might be the most fundamental part of her character, and it is both shown very well and given even more important narrative weight in this scene

and at the risk of sounding like a hater, this was the first chapter where i truly felt like they were going somewhere interesting with nia's arc. i have a lot of sympathy for her book 1 arc - realizing she has been groomed, trying to reclaim her faith - but she still has always kind of felt one dimensional to me. this chapter was the first time we got to see more of nia; we even had it be implied that at least part of her always being cheery and put-together is a facade. more than just turning her back on the temple this is the first time she is turning her back on the shitty parts of what they taught her - that she doesn't matter, that she lives only for the light, that she can't have needs and desires of her own. all in all, she needs catharsis, and if it's the shadow form that gives her that, then cheers! but regardless of how you feel about shadow!nia i think we can agree that it's giving us more and better glimpses into nia as a character who feels a lot of pain and immense pressure to be good while also trying to figure out which parts of her upbringing she needs to unlearn and which she gets to keep, deal with the grief of losing MC and watching her friend group fall apart, and trying to be a rock for them through it all, then immediately dealing with another world-shattering threat while also trying to hide a part of her for a good portion of it. i've seen a lot f people complain about how no one noticed shadow!nia before and MC was forced to keep that secret but i think it's a good analogy to how there are parts of nia that no one sees, that she tried so hard to suppress they were bound to take over her eventually. nia is more than a bubbly born sexy yesterday sweet girl and i'm delighted to see that being acknowledged

so, yeah. the ladies' chapter. loved it

#playchoices #blades of light and shadow #bolas #bolas2 spoilers #not described #imtura tal kaelen #valax #princess valax #nia ellarious #meta #sorta #choices book club

[arcanadreams]

Water Fights with the OM Bros

it’s 90 degrees outside at my place and you know what that means!!! water fight headcanons because I refuse to go outside in the heat in real life asdhgskjdgks

once again i’m only doing the brothers bc i do not trust myself with the dateables just yet lmao

Lucifer:

Literally only agrees to join because you’re so excited about it.

“...If it makes you happy, MC,” are his exact words. Simp.

You did agree to make the game have no points though, to keep things from getting competitive. Both at the advice of Lucifer and because you knew he would not join if there was any chance he could lose. (Also because Satan is a menace but we’ll get to that later.)

When all the brothers are gathered he suggests everyone pairs up into teams. 

“You’re only saying that so you can cozy with M-” Asmo tries to say before being sprayed in the face with water.

“My hair!” “Oh, look at that. I suppose the game has started,” Lucifer hides his water gun behind his legs, but he can’t hide the shit eating grin on his face.

He takes your hand with a “Come along, MC,” and leads you away as everyone splits up.

You two make a surprisingly good team for this sort of thing! He knows the gardens well and also knows where each of his brothers is likely to go. You are quite skilled water water guns and balloons. He’s basically the brains and you’re the brawn. 

He snatches a few kisses now and then when you look back at him excitedly after smacking one of his brothers with a balloon. You’re just so cute!

When everyone is all tuckered out and goes off to shower and whatever, Lucifer hangs back with you to thank you for organizing everything. With a kiss to the back of your hand, he says, “I’ll admit, I was...skeptical, at first. But, as usual, you brought my brothers together in a way I haven’t seen in a long while. Thank you, MC.” 

Mammon:

“I’m MC’s first man, so I get to team with them!” “You’re also literally my boyfriend, but okay hun.” Cue Mammon blushing beet red at the nickname and muttering at you not to call him that in front of his brothers. (He doesn’t mean it; he loves that they know you’re his and vice versa.)

Strategically, the two of you are the absolute worst. But that’s because you’re both just there to have fun!

And have fun you do! You actually get in quite a few fun chases with Levi! He’s probably the most into the water fight out of everyone, the three of you are just running around the gardens pelting each other with balloons. It’s super cute.

Mammon is absolutely the type to yell “I’ll avenge you, MC!” every single time you get sprayed. 

Eventually, you and Mammon follow Levi’s advice and start hiding in places to catch some of the other brothers by surprise. Which would be fine if Mammon didn’t blush super hard and start grumbling because of how close together you were when kneeling behind the garden wall.

You roll your eyes and surge forward to kiss him. He’s so shocked he has no idea what to do with his hands at first. But, after a second of pause, his water gun falls to the ground with a clatter and he wraps his arms around you.

“Get a room,” Is all the two of you hear before Belphie dumps a whole ass bucket of water on your heads. Mammon growls and jumps up to get the youngest before Beel can scoop him up, but you grab his hand and stop him. 

You’re laughing super hard, and the sun is shining on your hair. You almost look like you have a halo...Mammon gives up the chase before it even starts because his MC is simply ethereal. 

“Mammon!” You smile brilliantly at him when you finally stop laughing. “I kissed you to keep you quiet! And then you managed to make even more noise!” 

He just hugs you then so you can’t see his blushing face. Stupid lovely human making fun of him. (He likes it, though.)

Leviathan:

This boy is literally the MOST excited when you tell him your idea. He was in on it from the very start.

He actually helped you get all the supplies! He opens his Akuzon account right away and starts showing you what water guns would be best and picking out huge packs of balloons made specifically for being water grenades. (Definitely had looked all this stuff up before in case he found a LARPing buddy.)

You ask him how much Grimm all this stuff will cost and he tells you not to worry. “I’ll cover it!” “But, Levi-” He interrupts you with big blush on his face. 

“L-Listen MC. You’re m-my Henry! And I know this will be fun, s-so...I’ll cover it.” You leap forward and give him a hug, triggering a surprised but equally happy screech.

Honestly he is so excited you proposed an idea like that of your own volition. Like...it just makes him feel like all the games and stuff he finds fun truly don’t bother you. You haven’t been lying; you genuinely are interested in the same things as him. It makes him feel so warm.

When everyone is still arriving, you grab one of your water guns and do that cool spinny thing. You know the thing. The cowboy gun spin. You’re like, “Hey Levi! Check this out!” 

BAM. Boy is OUT. So red his face is steaming. That’s the hottest thing he has ever seen in his entire damn life. What the fuck, MC. He is basically frozen on the spot out of sheer overwhelmed-ness as how hot that was. You have to drag him away when the water fight starts. Totally worth staying up all night figuring out how to do the spin trick with a water gun.

Once the action gets going, you two are unstoppable. No one escapes the fight unscathed thanks to y’all. All those late night Call of Duty sessions trained you for this!!

Your favorite tactic is definitely camping, though. You and Levi would pick a spot and hide there, waiting for one of his brothers to come by, and then...ATTACK!

If it actually were a competition, you two would’ve won by a landslide. But honestly, Levi didn’t really keep track. He was having too much fun watching you. You were so mesmerizing when you were in the zone and so gorgeous when laughing as you gave him victory high fives after a successful ambush. 

You let him take a picture of you posing all tough with your water gun and he makes it his DDD background immediately. And his lockscreen so you can protect his DDD from intruders.

Satan:

THIS ASSHOLE. THIS MAN IS THE REASON YOU MADE SURE THERE WAS NO COMPETITION.

If there was any sense of competition, Satan would’ve gone absolutely out of his mind to beat Lucifer. He would make sure to destroy that man’s dignity as thoroughly as possible.

So, for the sake of both him and the eldest brother, no points. No contest. He grumbles about it, but, much like said eldest brother, he still joins because he sees how happy the idea of a family water fight makes you.

 Satan treats is almost as seriously as Levi does. EVEN THOUGH YOU MADE SURE IT WASN’T A COMPETITION, HE DAMN SURE STILL ACTS LIKE IT IS. UGH.

Literally pulls a map of the House of Lamentation’s gardens out of his back pocket??? And puts it on the side of the fountain?? And starts planning maneuvers on it with you??? He pulls a pen out of his SWIM TRUNK POCKETS to use to point with and emphasize his points. You just blink at him. This is your mans. Good lord.

Considering his expert knowledge of the layout of the entire surrounding area of HoL from that map, he actually knows of some secret passages the other brothers don’t even consider. He takes you to them so you can use them to spy on what Lucifer’s the other brothers’ strategies are.

It’s only once you’re creeping around the tunnels that he realizes something: none of his brothers know where you are. They can’t bother you...time to make out.

Grabs your attention with a quiet, “MC” and gives you a smooch. Soon enough he is backing you up against the wall. A water balloon you have tied to your belt pops against the rough brick, interrupting the two of you.

Satan disregards it and move to kiss you again, but you let out a gasp. He’s worried for you for a moment: did you scrape yourself? But when you turn to look at him, there’s a mischievous glint in your eye that he loves to see. 

“My water broke!” You whisper-exclaim dramatically, covering your mouth in fake shock. Satan has to nuzzle his face in your neck to avoid laughing and filling the tunnel with the echo that would alert his brothers. The two of you basically just canoodle in the passages until the water fight is over LMAO

Asmodeus:

Pretty much just to show off how good he looks in a bathing suit to you and anyone else who happens to be lucky enough to witness his glory.

He’s not the best at water fights and ends up using you as a human shield sometimes adjgfkjshf

“Asmo! Stop hiding behind me!” “I am not letting Lucifer mess up my hair twice in one day, darling!”

He comments quite often on how hot you look. Both in your bathing suit and also when in the zone looking for victims to douse in watery fury. You look like an action hero, MC! Have you ever thought about becoming the next Bond? Asmo could definitely pull some hypnotic strings.~

Every time you successfully pull him out of the way of an oncoming water balloon or block a blast of water from hitting, he totally melts. He presses his back to your chest, swooning against you and batting his eyelashes.

“Oh, MC, my hero! My dashing knight in shining armor!” You scoff, but think it’s super cute. You even play into it sometimes and pick him up bridal style.

“The king is looking for you, my prince,” you say once as you lift him, and he actually blushes. Asmodeus, avatar of lust, blushes at a silly pet name. He was not expecting you to get so into the role!!! He loves it, though.

For the rest of the water fight the two of you are basically roleplaying a royal and his knight bodyguard. It is stupidly fun and the both of you have an absolute blast.

“Oh, MC, my darling knight! I have amazing news!” Asmo says after the fight ends. You’re drying his hair off with a towel. “Yes, my liege?” 

“In exchange for your wonderful and dutiful protection, you have been given permission by the crown to court me! Isn’t that wonderful?” He smiles and you throw your head back in a laugh. You lean down and give him a nice, long kiss on the lips before pulling away. “That is absolutely splendid, your highness.”

Beelzebub:

He loves the idea because it’ll get his whole family together and he knows it. He has to carry Belphie out there but that’s normal.

He helped you and Levi plan!! Excited boy. You filled him in when he joined you and Levi for a game night. He totally volunteered to go get some extra supplies from some nearby stores for y’all. So cute.

Once everyone is actually fighting, this boy WILL NOT STOP BEING A HUMAN (demon?) SHIELD FOR YOU. LIKE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TELL HIM IT’S FINE, YOU’RE FINE, HE WILL NOT STOP.

“Babycakes, it’s okay. It’s water. It can’t hurt me.” “But I love you. I want you safe.” O H. O K A Y.

Someone call a doctor Beel just shot MC through the heart!!! He’s so genuine you just bright red and kiss his cheek because he deserve it.

“Well, I guess that’s settled then, huh?” He gives you a big Beel smile and nods, ruffling your hair affectionately.

Y’all get sprayed with water A LOT because your hungry boy is very big and hard to hide. Er, I should say HE gets sprayed a lot because he is a fantastic meat shield and you’re practically dry by the time the fight is over. He, on the other hand, is soaked to the bone.

He still insists on drying you off with a towel, though. The two of you dry each other off back in the twins’ room while Belphie dozes nearby in his bed.

You’re in the middle of drying his shoulders when he just starts talking. “That was really fun, MC. I’m really grateful for you. Ever since you’ve been here, things are always more fun. And you bring all my brother together. Thank you.” 

You damn near burst into tears!!! Ahhhh!!! You sniffle and jump into his nap, wrapping your arms around him. “But MC, I’m still wet.” “I don’t care!! I’m giving you snuggles!!”

Belphegor:

Literally does not give a single fuck about a water fight until he realizes it lets him throw shit at Lucifer with absolutely zero consequences. Then he is all in.

Beel doesn’t even have to carry him around during the fight! Once he is outside and realizes all the shenanigans he can pull, he is perfectly content to grab you by the hand and be the one dragging you around, for once!

You two will probably team up with Satan and Beel at various points. Beel because he’s Beel, and Satan because he and Belphie absolutely set water balloon filled booby traps for Lucifer.

That’s his preferred strategy: set up a trap and wait in the bushes, watching for the target to approach.

He’s definitely the type to yell “Every man for himself!” if someone catches you guys hiding. Unlike his twin, he lets you get totally soaked while he runs away laughing. Dickweed.

You guys have a lot of fun, though!! Seeing Belphie excited is always a treat for you. And, though he doesn’t say anything about it, Belphie also thinks it’s a treat whenever you scheme with him. You don’t join in on his mischief often, so he always cherishes the times you do.

Eventually, after soaking Lucifer thoroughly, Belphie eventually gets a bit tired. You, however, want to keep the fun going. So, just as he begins to dose off in your hiding spot...you spray him. Right in the face. 

He opens his eyes and sees you raising an eyebrow at him challengingly, giggling to yourself. He growls playfully and grabs his own water gun, quickly giving chase as you bolt. 

Being a demon, he’s much quicker than you. But he lets you think you can escape for a few minutes before catching up to you and wrapping his arms around you from behind. 

As you squirm and laugh in his embrace, he feels thankful he joined in on the fight, even if he was hesitant at first. After all, it led to this moment, where he can turn you around in his arms and give you a nice kiss as you melt against his chest.

#ta da!! another idea i've had for the longest time #posts #my writing #obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me x reader #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor

[moth-based-cryptology]

HELLO BESTIE I am currently having Ralbert Brainrot and you're the best person go come to for this, obviously,, so PLEASE share! I would like to hear about ufc albert or youtuber race, or dancing partners!! I love them smm

HI YES HELLO USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO WRITE UFC FIGHTER AL PART 2 THANKS BABES

i just witnessed a literal crime and i’m Feeling The Rage (boxing judges at mma events can catch these hands) so here is. my brain on anger.

also the first half of this is pretty fight-talk heavy but the second half is more al/ralbert central so message me/send me an ask if i don’t explain something well enough <3

here is the ask i sent to @we-are-inevitable (thanks jac i’m in love with you mwah) and here is part 1 for this au if you haven’t read that one yet !!

also,,,,, this is fairly obvious. but trigger warning for violence/physical fighting, as well as blood. (it’s a rough gig y’all fjdhdb) oh and swearing but that’s pretty much just me LMAO

here i am, bein mad and writing ralbert. therapy time with chandler ig

OK SO

this is after his debut. duh. continuation

i think he’s probably 5 fights in with 5 wins. he’s been running people through, especially with four full camps after a short notice start, and he’s never even seen a decision in the ufc

let’s just say the hype train is moving FAST and it’s moving LOUD

everyone has to have those people that watch their fights just to see them lose, on top of the majority male fan base that have to have a little bit of toxic masculinity and homophobia in there

so there’s A LOT of people that are waiting for him and his hype train to get derailed. but there’s also a fair amount of fans, so you win some you lose some (the way i would die to see this be a real fighter pls)

now albert’s not always the most confident guy, and he’s never been cocky, but none of this shit gets to him. he’s got his coaches, he’s got his friends and he’s got race behind him. he knows he’s got the skills, and he’s got his support system, so who gives a shit what a bunch of cowards on the internet have to say?

and then they put him against someone known for his grappling and stamina. and the “it’s a wrap for dasilva!” bandwagon starts. it happens every time a rising striker and early knockout artist fights a well known grappler with any semblance of later round power (even if al has a background in wrestling and has gone 5 rounds and won outside of the ufc. it’s a bandwagon for a reason)

and it’s not Upsetting, it’s not really getting into his head in any way that’ll make him do worse, but it’s kinda pissing him off. which is bad for his opponent

the last person on earth you want to be fighting is an annoyed albert dasilva who thinks he has something to prove

he works his ass off in camp, and the press tour is a self-assured albert vs. a loudmouth who thinks he’s hot shit cause a few people on twitter think he’ll sweep

and, to be completely honest? it’s starting to look that way 2 rounds in.

it’s a 5 round fight, co-main event on a big card, and so far all al’s opponent has done is pinned him to the cage and kept him there. a few strikes worth anything - at least enough make al’s cheek bleed, no takedowns, which would at least give him some activity, and so submission attempts, so he can’t even gain any ground that way. he’s just- Stuck. and if THIS is how he loses, he’s gonna be pissed

the bell for the second round sounds, and you can actually see al’s chest heaving on camera as he walks to his corner - not because he’s tired or out of breath, but because he’s MAD, and fuck if he’s not going to do something about it

not only that, but he can not only see race and jack standing up by the cage - plus race’s expression, which is slightly annoyed and super anxious, which hurts his chest to think about - but he can hear them too

jack is yelling profanities, as per usual. he doesn’t that regardless of how the fight is going, but it’s less encouraging when you’re the one losing.

race though,,,, race isn’t really yelling, he’s more talking to himself than anything, but he’s close enough to cage and al knows him well enough to figure out what he’s saying. and if the muttered almost-prayers while he paces back and forth weren’t enough, the shiny gold engagement ring on race’s hand definitely is

round 3,,,, let’s just say it goes a little differently than the first 2 had gone.

he opens with a spinning back kick, of all fucking things, and that truly sets the pace

he’s the taller guy by a few inches, like usual, which makes his arms longer. the only reason crushing his against the cage worked is cause the guy he’s fighting cuts weight like a wrestler, so he’s easily got 20 pounds on albert come fight night

but once he finds his rhythm and starts throwing, he starts connecting too. he manages to stay out of range of his opponent and stay his comfortable distance to start t-ing off

this isn’t a one punch power ending. this isn’t a beautiful head kick, or a giant knee, or even just a clean right hook.

this is albert, who’s arms are starting to feel the 3rd round a little bit, hitting this guy with everything he has cause he refuses to lose this fight.

i mean- everyone watched him get up at the start of the round with a set jaw and a scary determined glint in his eye. he’s not a person you fuck with, and he’s definitely not a person you publicly ridicule before being locked in a cage to fight with

the guy he’s fighting is absolutely battered, but he manages to survive until round 4. the first of the championship rounds, something al’s never seen in a ufc fight before, and it feels like the arena is holding its breath

so when al comes out and does the same thing as round 3 to better results - fight ending results - everyone’s a little shocked, honestly

the commentary team’s in disbelief, cause albert is NOT a slow starter, regardless of what this fight would tell you, and the fact he managed a win at all, let alone such a phenomenal one, is fucking astounding

he gets his hand raised, obviously, but the really interesting part is the post fight interview

“albert, man, what changed between round 2 and 3? what second gear did you find?”

“bro, i just— it was pissing me off, honestly. i don’t come in here to get pinned down for 25 minutes. and, y’know, my team gave me good advice. i had all the pieces, straight from the jump, someone just had to force me to put them in place…”

and then he looks over at race, who gives al one of those half grin, half smirks and winks at him, and al just chuckles to himself and finishes answering the question

“the thing that really forced my hand is race. i won’t get cheesy on you, but watching someone who loves and supports you through everything panic cause he’s scared for you - it’s a big motivator. everyone would figure out a lot more of my motivations if they went and watched race’s expressions back instead of whatever the hell i’m doing in here. he’s always been the brains, i’m just the brawn.”

and that’s a better answer than anyone was expecting, plus he’s just had the fight of a lifetime that’s probably earned him a title shot, so he’s done soon after that and gets to have his little in-cage celebration

he hugs his team and jack, who razzes him a little bit as per usual, and makes some dumb quip about going over tapes later like he’s a coach. and then comes race

he hugs him, all tender and cute and also very sweaty cause That’s How It Works, and the camera’s focused on him, so they can tell they’re whispering back and forth. but there’s no mics on them, so what’s said is missed entirely on the audience, but it’s their usual cheesy, in love mess

“congrats, baby. i’m proud of you.”

“oh please. it was 90% you anyway. i meant what i said, it wasn’t just for the cameras.”

“i know that. i’m gonna have to get you back somehow for telling everyone to go back and watch my awful anxious expression. i’ll think of something.”

“i’m sure you will, sweetheart.”

and then al does that awful, adorable lil nose bump thing, and then kisses race. and then jack covers his eyes and whines until they stop like the actual 12 year old boy he is inside

and then they leave the octagon, race and al holding hands, and al throws his arm over jack’s shoulder and shoves his head down and pushes him, cause even though he was just in a literal cage match he’s still a roughhousing teenager at heart

and he’s got interviews and press shit that separates him from his people, and he’s gotta slide that bulletproof mask back down over all the happy and in love shit he’s feeling so he can not smile like an idiot on camera constantly

but every once in awhile he’ll catch jack giving him the finger and laugh before returning it below view of the camera

or he’ll catch race’s eye from where he’s standing behind all the studio lights and do a little wave under the camera and return the wink from earlier, and the unbothered fighter facade will crack a little bit

but he’s not completely convinced that’s such a bad thing

GOD THIS POST IS SO MUCH LONGER THEN I MEANT IT TO BE IM SORRY

but Yeah. Them.

i love this au a helleva lot more than i should but that’s Fine cause i’ve got thoughts for days on it

#newsies #livesies #never not read the tags #albert dasilva #ufc fighter al #mma fighter al #racetrack higgins #jack kelly #ralbert #spam ralbert gang #ralbert ralbert ralbert #chandler screams about ralbert #chandler out of context #chandler’s ✨losing it✨ #chandler.exe has stopped working #chandler’s an idiot sorry y’all #causing chaos with chandler #shut up chandler #nO #tw violence #tw fighting #tw blood #tw swearing

[mittensmorgul]

I love your meta so much. Especially right now. I've been seeing so much negativity on my dash recently complaining about Gabriel, the AU, Charlie, Buckleming, Cas' absence, etc, etc. Idk why, but it seems like every spn blog I follow rn is simultaneously freaking out about something, and it's really putting a damper on my enjoyment in the fandom. So just thanks for your meta, and so clearly explaining why everything makes sense. I wish all these ppl I follow would just come read your stuff 😟

Aww, I’m glad you’re enjoying my lil oasis of relative chill, and yeah I’ve been saddened and frustrated by some of the negativity too, but I’ll tell you what...

I do 100% understand where folks’ negative feelings are coming from, and I don’t expect everyone to watch the show the way I do. Everyone’s got stuff that bugs them, everyone’s got their own personal headcanons that they have accepted and held on to-- sometimes for years as regards characters that have been absent from the narrative as long as Gabriel has, for example-- and any suggestion that those headcanons and personally accepted theories can feel like a direct challenge.

A lot of what we do in fandom is purely emotional, you know? We love the characters, we see parts of ourselves in them, and when the show challenges our understanding of them, it can feel like a personal attack. I completely get why people might be upset about Gabriel returning.

Aside from his appearance in 9.18, where he wasn’t even real but Metatron’s literal narrative device inside the false reality experience he put Castiel through, we haven’t been given any reason to believe that Gabriel’s apparent sacrifice in 5.19 wasn’t exactly what it seemed.

The thing is, Fanon Gabriel has evolved into something very different from what Canon Gabriel ever was. He’s one of those characters where a LOT of people doubted his death had been real back in s5 just because his standard operating procedure had been deception and evasion.

There’s a post that I saw years ago regarding angel deaths that said, “Wings or it didn’t happen.” Because we know that when angels die, we see their wing prints burned into the ground/wall/whatever. But then Gabriel’s “death” scene was added with some commentary along the lines of, “Oops.” Because we saw his wing prints, and people STILL refused to believe they were real, and that it wasn’t just another trick of the trickster, and that he’d be back to fight another day.

Thing is, over the years that Gabriel DIDN’T return, people began to assume it was because he really was dead, because why WOULDN’T he have come back to deal with any of the other nonsense-- beginning with Raphael’s attempt to restart the apocalypse even after Gabriel’s presumed self-sacrifice in an attempt to stop it? People accepted that Gabriel had been convinced to nobly sacrifice himself trying to stop Lucifer, and that he’d truly “redeemed” himself in doing so. That his supposedly selfless act had tied up his character arc with a tidy bow.

But... that’s not what happened, and at first I was ???? about why they would want to open this long-closed set of wounds, but then I actually used my brain to contemplate WHY they would choose to bring him back now, and WHY they would supposedly “retcon” what on the surface had appeared to be a “good death” for Gabriel.

And I realized they haven’t retconned anything, and those old wounds had been festering for the last eight years, because nothing about Gabriel even remotely suggested he’d redeemed himself. And not just for Gabriel’s own personal redemption arc, but because how UGLY the fact that Gabriel having been allowed a “noble death” somehow excused all the bullshit he’d lumped on Sam since 3.11. Mr. “Shut Up And Play Your Roles” was only playing his own role all along... he was the messenger, he delivered the message, and then got the heck outta Dodge. I mean... this is the most in-character thing Gabriel said:

SAM: No, Gabriel, don't -- you -- you can't just walk away. If Michael comes here, he will end this world.GABRIEL: And the last time the world was ending, I put my money on you. I think you can pull it off again.

He’s still delivering messages and flapping off again. Like he said way back in 5.08, he doesn’t care who wins or loses, he just wants all the fighting to be over. He doesn’t care how it happens or even if it takes all of creation with it.

So what’s the one thing he’s said that contradicts this read of Gabriel? What he said to Lucifer in 5.19 about humanity:

LUCIFER: So you're willing to die, for a pile of cockroaches. Why?GABRIEL: Because Dad was right. They are better than us.LUCIFER: They are broken. Flawed! Abortions.GABRIEL: Damn right they're flawed. But a lot of them try. To do better, to forgive. And you should see the Spearmint Rhino! I've been riding the pine a long time. But I'm in the game now, and I'm not on your side, or Michael's. I'm on theirs. 

But then we learn what actually happened... because why would Gabriel suddenly have gone from teaching lessons to humans who didn’t live up to his personal code to willingly DYING, and dying POINTLESSLY on their behalf?

CASTIEL [reading the Enochian]: “Per usual, my brother had double my brawn and half my brains. He assumed the counterfeit me was what vanished that night, and he thought that he'd stabbed the real thing. The truth is, the thing Luci skewered was a fake. [flashback showing the real Gabriel watching Lucifer kill an illusion.] There are plenty of fakes to go around. Everyone believed Gabriel was gone. And suddenly, I was free. No obligation to God or Heaven, or mankind. And so, I did what anyone would do -- I moved to Monte Carlo and shacked up with porn stars.”

THAT is actually in line with everything we’d learned about Gabriel up to that point. If, you know, you don’t apply any of the fanon!Gabriel stuff that’s been draped around the actual canon!Gabriel’s character.

For one, I am THRILLED that he’s back, because if ANYONE deserves to give Gabriel a piece of his mind, it’s Sam Fucking Winchester. 

And I’m willing to wait for Gabriel’s return in 13.20 to get the full story, because I’ve NEVER actually been satisfied that Gabriel’s redemption-by-death in 5.19 wasn’t just the final cruel trick he played on Sam. And his parting words to Sam in 13.18 kinda proved that point to me.

Now as to the AU, I have no idea how AN ALTERNATE, ENTIRELY DIFFERENT UNIVERSE is supposed to be anything other than a point/counterpoint comparative tool to the original narrative. I have no idea how it’s even possible for A DIFFERENT WHOLE UNIVERSE is supposed to change any of the facts we know about the regular SPN universe, so people getting pissy about “retcons” in the AU are just spinning their emotional wheels in the mud here. If it makes them happy to be mad about stuff, I guess go off or whatever, but it’s like comparing Portland Maine to Portland Oregon and being mad they’re not the same place.

Now as to AU Charlie, I wrote a post the other day that pretty much covers my feelings on the fandom reaction to her:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/172915586795/how-do-you-feel-about-the-au-characters-that-are

But Gabriel? Yeah, I’d been meaning to post something about why I felt like it was the perfect time for him to return to the narrative, because he never really did earn any sort of a REAL redemption, and I love the fact that the show is truly acknowledging that.

He was the original “Play The Roles Destiny Has Written For You” character that TFW (and ESPECIALLY SAM) has desperately needed some resolution with for YEARS. He’s absolutely central to the “As Above, So Below” apocalypse era stuff that was only even remotely resolved by 11.23. And since he’s part of the unresolved threads that spun out of the post 5.22 fallout when the original ending was torn up, and Sam didn’t end up spending the rest of eternity in the cage with Michael and Lucifer, because locking up problems to make them go away isn’t actually a real solution to the problem here, and we’ve been going back and looking for the roots of all the actual problems and digging them out and actually dealing with them properly... well, if you like Sam at all, and hate the idea that he’d ever have to sacrifice himself and his autonomy and his own humanity in order to save a world that he wasn’t responsible for breaking... I mean, Gabriel didn’t break it either, but Chuck’s already dealt with his “original sin” of locking up Amara. Now it’s the archangels’ turn to deal with the problems of their own making...

And even if he was only ever a side player in that original apocalypse nonsense, Gabriel still played his own role, delivering the message. Now he gets to write his own script. Let’s see if his message is different this time around. If he’s got some better words.

#spn 13.18 #spn 5.19 #spn 3.11 #gabriel #spn s13 speculation #Anonymous

[likesugarandcyanide]

Invincible [Chapter 7] Persona [Katsuki Bakugou]

Chapter 6: It Only Hurts

How can he expect me to accept that our friendship is over? Izuku is unpretentiously clever and manipulative – I will admit. He had me fooled from the start. But now, I see all the signs; somehow I had missed them along the way, at some point in our earlier years. He seems to have used my kindness to his advantage, protecting himself from his own dishonesties. This is the only way for me to cope – blame. I have to believe that Izuku is toxic; that he’s enjoying this betrayal. But for what reason?

I have no reason to believe this. I just need to, making up stories in my spare time. I tell myself that Izuku is not really quirkless, nor has he ever been. He restrains his quirk; a resilient power that he wants to spit into the face of those beneath him. Izuku had lied to me, wanting my pity. It spirals from there and becomes my fault. I am still inspired by his determination, but I am not a good friend. I should have been on his side. Maybe then, he would have told me about his quirk and the reason he hides it. For now, I chose to blame him. Izuku ends our trust on a lie, and more importantly, he drives a bigger wedge into the nearly nonexistent bond with Katsuki.

I pity him, or so I claim. Honestly, I want to be angry with Izuku, but I feel like there’s more to this. There’s a reason for the lies; so many questions that need answers. I’m content with his new life, but I don’t want to be. I’m so jealous of the two Izuku chooses as friends – Iida and the bubbly Uraraka. I see them break down his walls and inspire him to try harder; something I’m not able to accomplish. I absolutely hate it.

Anger courses through me. I curl my fingers into a tight fist. Then in seconds the whole length of my right hand burns in a minor ache. Recognizing that the pain is not self-inflicted I squeak in frustration, releasing my nails. The blonde on the seat beside me yanks his hand from mine and shoots me a glare.

“Watch where you’re digging those fucking talons,” he hisses.

I nervously give an apology and rub over the red, crescent-shaped marks on his skin. “Want me to kiss it and make it feel better?” He ignores me, but I know he doesn’t mind either way.

A gentle smile pulls at the corner of my lips as I happily smooth the pads of my fingers across his rough skin. Katsuki continues to eat his lunch and leaves me to my own devices. I quickly find that my appetite is gone. The plate of skewered meat and vegetables I like so much is barely eaten on. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I can’t put my anger to rest. I need to find ways to help me forget. However, the wound is still very fresh.

“General studies are fun,” I mention, wanting to start up a conversation. “I’m learning more than I ever did in Orudera.”

Katsuki snorts in disagreement. “I’m bored as hell with them. I never expected the hero course to be so dull.”

I understand where this is coming from. Katsuki enjoys to prove himself. He craves action; combat to show off his quirk. But it’s only the first day. Classes recap the things we already know, but the hero course is about training ourselves to become great heroes. The blonde seems to believe winning is the only fundamental, but it’s not. I will admit that mastering my quirk sounds fun, but I seem to have more patience in the matter of brains-before-brawn – he has both, but expecting to become a pro with only his ability is what he seems to hope for.

“Our afternoon class should be proactive – fundamental hero studies. I bet the teacher will have us doing something with our quirks.”

“I may just blow off someone’s damn head if they have us doing something normal again,” Katsuki grunts.

I gently laugh. “So long as it’s not me.”

Katsuki glares at me. It’s like I make him angry by just opening my mouth. I don’t like the uneasy feeling he gives me, staring at me with those deep red eyes, almost like he reads my every thought.

“The hell is wrong with you?”

My face suddenly goes warm. “What do you mean? I’m fine – really. Why would you ask me that?”

“That’s what I mean, fuck-munch. You’re fine, you say. Bullshit! You were a sobbing mess yesterday because of Deku, and now you’re chatting my damn ear off like nothing ever happened,” the blonde snaps.

“I’m trying to follow your advice,” I admit sadly. “Izu – Midoriya doesn’t need me as a friend. I accept this, but I’m not happy about it. After so many years of knowing him, it’s hard to ignore the fact that I have to see him every day from now on.” My heart feels heavy at this, but it’s the truth. It’s not easy to forget someone, but it’s also not impossible either. It will take time, and it will take support. “Trust me, please.”

Katsuki swats me on the head. “I do, idiot. Now let me sit here in peace.”

I smile softly. “Only if you let me have a bite of your lunch.”

He agrees, sliding down a bowl of steaming miso ramen to me. The hard-boiled egg and all of the chicken is gone, but the noodles remain. I decide to eat with my chopsticks since Katsuki may complain about sharing with me. Taking in a large bite, I instantly regret this. It’s spicy – way too hot to be considered food.

“You knew and you didn’t warn me,” I cry with my mouth full. My stomach feels like it’s burning.

“Don’t like it, don’t eat it,” Katsuki says simply.

I cover my mouth and jump to my feet. First the bathroom, then to buy a bowl of rice. If I’m lucky Katsuki will choke on the broth before I get back. Honestly, how could I forget that he likes his food super-hot. This is the reason that I stopped taking his lunch back in middle school. Damn the blonde, and damn his devious persona.

Tears fill my eyes. “So hot. So very hot.”

He’s here – All Might. I bite my lip in excitement, seeing him once again. The memory in which he saved me is still fresh in my mind. He told me that he’d never allow another villain to hurt my friends, and even though Izuku and I are no longer close, I truly value his words. I am so happy to see All Might in person again. He’s much more spirited than I remember, but I enjoy his silly antics.

After the room settles down enough, All Might announces our first trial; battle. He flashes the card in front of the class and the room erupts in hysteric muttering. I sit quietly behind the girl with the large, spiky ponytail and mull over this recent happening. What will the class be fighting? Robots possibly, or maybe even one another. I chance a glance at Izuku to my right. Since the class is at an odd number, Aizawa had us move the seats into 7 columns; 3 to each roll. Ironically, I am seated next to Izuki, who at the moment appears shocked by the trial that All Might briefly touches on.

“– and to go with your first battle,” the bulky man announces. A roll of panels begins to slide out from the wall. “We’ve prepared the gear we had you send in requests for to match your quirks.”

The room again goes into hysterics. I smile in anticipation of what my costume will look like. I remember being vague about my design on the costume request form. I make mention that my quirk is thought to be a form of telekinesis, however, I am only able to control water, not make it. I note that I need plenty of containers to hold the fluid, and that after a long-drawn-out use I get headaches. The design is up in the air, but I hope the Subsidy did the costume justice.

All Might dismisses us with instructions to get changed and meet at Ground Beta. I quickly grab my case from the panel and rush to the girl’s locker room to get dressed. I locate my locker and swing it open, ignoring the other girls as they rush in and do the same. Once my case is open, I shift around the contents and move them all out onto the bench. A note is inside with my uniform. It explains the basics of my costume, like urging me to wear a polyester rash guard and bottoms beneath my outerwear to avoid chaffing. I happily do so, then slide what appears to be a wetsuit made of foamed neoprene over it. The suit is unfortunately skin-tight, but the instructions make mention that this is so the polar lining fabric beneath the interior will reflect my body heat and keep water out of my costume.

The get-up is for the most part black, but a number of broad aquamarine stripes extend over the body. I work with the belt to keep it tight around my waist, and mount the 1 gallon cork bottles into the holders. The last item on the bench is a stylish coral headband with a seashell attached to it. I don’t question the importance of it, nor do I flick through the instructions on how to use it. I’m already taking up time, so I pull my hair into a ponytail and tie the headband at the joint of my forehead and scalp. It’s tight, but feels sort of like it belongs.

Now that everything is in place, I hang up my uniform in the locker and hurry down to Ground Beta. I join with the group and stand close to Denki as he seems like a reasonable person to be around. In the meantime, I’m able to size-up the others – their costumes are all very colorful and interesting. I casually talk with Denki until All Might calls the remaining students into position. Katsuki is among them, a literal walking time bomb. I politely excuse myself and walk over to him.

His deep, red eyes narrow as I stand in front of him. “The hell did you ask for?”

“I didn’t specify exactly what I wanted. Only that I need more water in reserve,” I meekly admit. “But I like it. The design is simple, and the suit is more comfortable than it looks.”

Even as I say this, I feel like more attention could have been put into the proposal for my hero costume. I don’t favor complex things, so I don’t lie when I say that I like the concept of it. On the other hand, I really like the detail that Katsuki put into his own. It makes him appear intimidating and very flashy; something I imagine he wants. I think it makes him look tough.

“You look very handsome,” I add timidly, curling a lock of my hair around my finger. I want to say, like a hero, but honestly, the design is much like something a villain would wear, especially the giant grenade-like bracers on his arms.

Katsuki seems to ignore my compliment, and lifts his gloved fingers to my head. I feel deep pressure on the ornate band in my hair as he tinkers with the piece. I wonder if he knows how sweet this is to me?

“Cute, don’t you think?”

“At least you’re not a complete fucking idiot,” he grunts. His fingers continue to gently stroke the band. “As dumb as it looks, it’s not completely useless. The band is used to apply pressure to your head, so you don’t get headaches as easily while using your quirk. Not a stupid idea at least.”

I huff in annoyance. “Can’t you agree that I look nice for once?”

“Do you think you look nice?”

“I do.” Honestly, the nerve of him.

“Then you don’t have to ask,” the blonde grunts.

I am at a loss for words. He does seemingly care, even though he’s too embarrassed to admit it. I’m not an idiot; I notice the faint shade of red on his pale skin. I happily lean forward and kiss his cheek, much to his annoyance. The blonde orders me to knock it off and pulls me to his side. I notice he does this so he can see All Might a little better – not like he couldn’t before.

The bulky hero starts to explain the trial to us. Apparently, we’re not going to fight robots again, but each other. The class is expected to separate into villain and hero groups for a two-on-two team battle. A nuclear weapon will be hidden on one of the many floors inside the chosen building where All Might plans to have the exorcise – he explains this all to us while reading a crib sheet. The hero team must stop the villains, by either catching them with a special type of capture tape or securing the nuclear bomb. If the villains manage to capture the heroes or keep the core, they will win. All of this, he explains, will be done in a specific time period.

“Your teammates and opponents will be chosen by lottery,” he tells us, presenting a small rectangle box with a hole in the top. The word Lots is ironically written on the front.

I hear Tenya and Izuku converse over the meaning of the exorcise. It makes sense, but I’m not sure how this will work considering I am an extra to the group. One by one, each of the students draw lots as I watch. Before the massive hero continues I raise by hand.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I have no team. Should I sit out on this one?”

“No need, young Usui. You’re free to join with a team of two. Heroes are sometimes forced to join with teams of two or more, and most villains target on the weak in small groups.” All Might scans the crowd, enthusiastically shifting his head from side to side. “Here we go. You will join pair J and play the role of a villain. Nice suggestion.”

I feel happy that All Might compliments me on such a small thing. The group I’m with includes the nice, red-haired teen from the practical exam, and a tall male wearing a helmet reminiscent of a motorcycle helmet and a tape dispenser. I smile and wave at the boy in red as he motions me over. Katsuki is too occupied with his pairing to notice me leave his side. I nearly feel sorry for Tenya, who appears to be just as uncomfortable as the blonde.

All Might adds to the tension by announcing the first teams to do combat; A and D. Izuku and Ochaco verses Katsuki and Tenya. I gasp in shock. This won’t end well. All Might pulls the chosen hero and villain teams to the side, and instructs the rest of us to wait in the basement of the building he plans for us to use during the exorcise. I am in awe at the many monitors displayed in front of us. Each one shows the various angles of the same building, including the room the weapon is in. All Might joins with us soon after and the exam begins. My heart skips in my chest at the sudden irony. I know that Katsuki won’t make this easy on poor Izuku.

Quietly, the class watches Izuku and Ochaco enter the building. The pair makes full turns around the maze-like hallways – Izuku’s suggestion, I imagine. The teen is smart. Years of studying various heroes and strategies gives him an advantage over most. It will help him avoid Katsuki’s more hands-on approach since I know the blonde will just charge Izuku the first chance he gets. When he jumps the corner in front of the two and swings for Izuku I sigh in disappointment. He has talent, but his determination to prove a point to the timid boy will overshadow it in the end.

The blast manages to graze Izuku, tearing the fabric of his unique costume to the point that only half of his mask remains. Ochaco comes out unharmed, thanks to Izuku’s quick thinking. I am relieved, but at the same time I know this means disaster for Izuku if Katsuki manages to catch him. The blast zone of his quirk is hard to dodge. I cross my arms over my chest and chew at the inside of my jaw. What now?

“That Bakugou’s a character,” the teen with the red hair says. “An ambush is so unmanly.”

All Might adds in his opinion to the mix of varied responses. “Ambushes are good strategy. They are in the heat of battle after all.”

“That may be so, but Katsuki isn’t thinking strategy. He’s bent on proving a point to Izuku,” I add, more to myself than to the others.

The female with the spiky ponytail hears me, however. “Care to elaborate?”

The entire class seems to turn their attention to me, including All Might. My face warms at the sudden embarrassment. “Sorry, but it’s not my place to tell. Katsuki and Izuku just have a rough past is all. They’re old friends, but time made them bitter toward one another,” I explain.

The female with the pink skin laughs. “First name basis, huh? You must know them outside of class. Am I right?”

“Something like that,” I say. It’s too soon to tell the class about myself on a personal level. I just don’t feel comfortable sharing my life story with anyone new, not yet anyway. “The reason for the comment is because Katsuki thinks he has something to prove to Izuku. It makes the whole ambush seem wasted if Katsuki only used it just to hurt Izuku.”

All Might hums in agreement. “Very nice observation. A hero who acts only on his own arrogance is fated to act recklessly in combat.”

I regrettably can’t disagree with his statement. However, I am thrilled to watch as Izuku fights back. He uses Katsuki’s well-known punch against him and flips him roughly onto his back. This seems to be just the trick to keep Ochaco under the radar. Izuku makes himself the most important piece in game, ironically by angering the blonde even more. I overlook the chatter in the room and focus on the fight. This can go either way from this point on.

I’m surprised, however, to see Izuku nearly wrap the capture tape around Katsuki’s foot. I want to yell out for him to dodge, but I know he can’t hear me. Thankfully the blonde escapes. But so does Izuku. He runs from Katsuki, who quickly follows. In the meantime, Ochaco is seen on the monitor above, finding the bomb. I have to admit, she did well. She gives her position away, but that doesn’t seem to matter considering Tenya is too wrapped up in his character to mind. His posture is nearly identical to that of a villain. I’m sad I can’t hear him though – Ochaco seems to think he’s funny. I smile as I watch them on the screen, however something catches my eye. Katsuki corners Izuku at a dead end.

Katsuki lifts his arm and points the giant bracer at him. I can’t help but to wonder what he plans to do with it. Suddenly, All Might orders Katsuki to stop, but he doesn’t. The blonde pops back the switch and pulls the pin. The building shakes with the explosion and covers the screen in a blinding light. Some of the students yell out, but I stand speechless. My whole body is shaking in fear. Why would he do this? Does he want to kill Izuku?

“P-Please no,” I whisper.

A large hand gently touches my shoulder. I glance up at All Might and notice that he is smiling still. Does he know that Izuku is okay? His hand moves, assuring me. I take the breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Bakugou, my boy, if you shoot another blast like that, I’ll end this exorcise forcibly and you will lose,” says All Might to the blonde. “Launching an attack with such an extensive damage radius while indoors defeats the purpose of protecting your stronghold. It doesn’t matter if you’re a hero or a villain, that was just foolish. Once more and you’ll earn yourself massive demerits.”

Katsuki doesn’t seem to like this, but he doesn’t use the second bracer. Instead, he attacks Izuku head on again. The timid teen attempts a counter attack, but Katsuki uses his quirk to redirect his midair directory to his advantage, adjusting his power to thrust himself over Izuku, where he blasts him forward with the other hand. Izuku isn’t able to protect himself from the right swing Katsuki favors so much as he’s sent flying to the side. However, Katsuki grabs his arm and uses a blast from his quirk to spin both the teen and himself around. With the momentum, he slams Izuku roughly to the ground.

I hear some of students make comments about this tactic. It’s a brilliant use of his quirk – Katsuki is amazing. The blonde is a genius when it comes to battle sense. Regrettably, I’ll never be an equal to him.

I watch as Izuku stands and rushes to the corner of the room. He appears to be running, but some of the students think it’s a bit off. They shout to one another on the screen and throw a last resort punch; Katsuki’s explosive power verses Izuku’s mysterious resilience. All Might tries to suspend the match, but something stops him. Izuku tosses his fist into the air. On the top screen, a shockwave blows through the top floor and sends debris everywhere. Ochaco uses her zero gravity quirk to lift a giant beam and swing it effortlessly in front of her. It knocks against the pieces of broken concrete and sends them flying at Tenya. He dodges the attack, unable to stop Ochaco from retrieving the weapon. All Might quickly calls the match; the heroes win.

Katsuki actually loses.

The following battles begin at a new location. After Momo picks apart the strengths and weaknesses of the A and D pairs from the first exorcise, I decide on going into mine with a new outlook. I need to follow the example of Tenya and be the best villain I can be. Katsuki is the persona I chose to take on. His reckless nature cost him the win, I know, but I don’t have a reason to let arrogance best me. My team is counting on me.

The teen with the red hair approaches me inside as we prep for our upcoming battle – our stronghold is on the third floor. He introduces himself as Kirishima Eijirou. I properly thank him for saving me during the practical exam, and introduce myself as well. Sero Hanta joins us, offering up his quirk to support us. He wraps the trial missile in a type of material that looks like cellophane tape while Eijirou and I guard it. Our plan is to stand off against the hero team and hope we’re able to beat them.

The exorcise begins shortly after. The building is unexpectedly quiet, but I am ready for anything. I force an eerie smirk across my lips, and curl my fingers. Strokes of water surround me like wisps of clear smoke. Anyone who comes through that door will die.

The villain team unfortunately loses the exorcise; we lost rather quickly once Eijirou had been captured. But, I am okay with the end result. We score a passing grade for teamwork, and even receive compliments from All Might on our role as the bad guys. I tell myself that I’ll do better next time, however.

The class ends with All Might telling us to return to room 1-A. I stay longer in the bathroom than necessary, cleaning the blood from my nose. The ornate band keeps me from having headaches, but once I take it off, the repercussion of extending my quirk seems to stay with me. It’s horrible, but it’s a price I am willing to pay in order to become a hero. Still, I wonder how my mother deals with this; it’s draining me.

By the time I leave the bathroom, the afternoon class is over. I decide to go home, having no real reason to stay. I’ve not heard from Katsuki since the trail, but for all I know, he might still be upset with his loss to Izuku. He spoke none during the remaining battles, and seems to be upset that I used his persona to be a better villain – Momo mentions the comparisons. I see the shock in his eyes when All Might congratulates me.

I sigh in annoyance and take out my phone. I plan to address this with him, but once I pass by a window that overlooks the entrance yard, I quickly notice the blonde walking towards the front gate. Maybe I can catch up to him. However, before I make up my mind, I notice Izuku walk up behind him. They seem to speak to one another with composure. I fear the worse if this talk heads south; Izuku is not good at keeping the blonde from going off. I want to join them, but maybe Katsuki needs this. Izuku and he need to work on their repairing their friendship. I decide to leave them be.

Their talk doesn’t last much longer. Katsuki shouts something at the green-eyed teen and leaves, only to be stopped by All Might. I don’t waste time, and rush down to the entrance. But, once I step into the warm sun, I realize I am too late. Katsuki is gone. Izuku and All Might stop talking once I clear my throat.

“Excuse me,” I say timidly.

They step aside and allow me to pass. Out of the blue, however, Izuku grabs my upper arm. He’s gentle about it, and apologizes once I spare him a glance.

“Your battle went well, I heard. Congratulations.”

Tears burn at my eyes. I ignore them, and force a smile. His hand releases my arm, so I use this opportunity to move away from the teen. I turn my back to him and leave. My heart feels heavy at this. I realize that it’s going to be hard to ignore Izuku, but I need to. Taking out my phone again, I text a quick message to Katsuki, telling him to be careful on his way home. He may not reply, but I know he will read it. Tomorrow is a new day, so maybe things will somehow work out.

#katsuki bakugou #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #all might #toshinori yagi #kirishima eijirou #blame #rivalry #katsuki bakugō #oc #mha #prude #1st person

[callmetippytumbles]

Thoughts on THOTS: Chapter 14 Peen Parade

So after a lot of encouragement from @lizzybeth1986, @violetflipflops and @feisty-mary, I have decided to gonad up and start posting stand alone reviews instead of bumming off of Lizzy. So here we are.

So this has been quite the week.  So much to discuss. Let’s make like the Black Eye Peas and get it started. Heads up, its a long one.

I feel like PB has been very generous this week.  They are like, “Call us Santa & Co. ‘cuz we outchea giving gifts to all the LI stans” PB: Here you go Liam stans. Liam Stans: Thank you, PB

PB: We see you Drake stans, here is something for you too. Drake Stans: Thank you so very much, PB.

PB: Maxwell stans? Maxwell Stans: Yeah? PB: I don’t know if we have anything for you Maxwell Stans: *faces fall, eyes well up with tears* PB: Sike! We got y'all too. Maxwell Stans: 

SUPERCALLAFRAGALISTICEPIALAHOLYFUCKINGGODTHANKUIVEWAITEDSOSOLONGTHANKU 

Hana Stans: What about us? PB:

I am a Liam stan, but even I feel away about Hana’s treatment these past few chapters. I mean a lot of her diamond scenes are initiated on the idea that she is helping you impress someone else.  I haven’t really tried to romance Hana so I can’t speak to the romance part. We were in Hana’s home country for the last TWO chapters but the diamond chapters with her don’t offer very much about or even center Hana. Hana is from China but the folklore about koi cam from Liam? I could go on but there are people who talk about this WAY better than I do.  I am just saying it’s one thing to make a point to include a diverse, LGBTQ+ character there, its another to do so in a meaningful way.  If Hana is there simply to be an endlessly supportive bestie and a love interest but doesn’t really get the same careful development that the other male love interests get this relegates her to a token.  That’s messed up.

I wouldn’t quite call it the Ultimate Sausage Fest because nobody’s dicks touched.  I would call it a Peen Parade. Lots of dudes and shitty gaudy parade clothing.

Like Home Alone 2, we are lost in New York. Everything about this chapter is like:

No seriously.  So. Many. Questions. I will get back to those. For the sake of being linear I want to address something. That fuckass bitchass assass voicemail that IT left to MAXWELL. I am over here listening like:

I have a phone too Demon.  Why didn’t you ring up MY line directly?  I know why: You’s a bitch. Not that Meredith Brooks “I’m-gonna-reclaim-bitch” bitch or Lizzo’s “I’m-100%-that-bitch” bitch. Nah. I mean bitch as in you are a coward. Also, this is a fuckass task to set up some real fuckery in the coming chapters. Maybe even force a book three.  

I am surprised that the Demon didn’t show up at all. In fact, the Demon has been conveniently absent a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I am not exactly looking to see that dusty heifer befoul my sight.  But the Demon not being around means that IT is up to something. What that something is, I don’t know.  

For instance IT could be also looking for Tariq too.  Tariq could be minding his business at some riddiculously expensive restaurant doing a great job at being not in Cordonia but a shitty job at keeping a low profile. 

He is talking to a waiter like “I would like to go off menu and have a fillet mignon, medium rare but slightly more rare than medium with a Bearnaise sauce…” Before the waiter can tell him that he can’t go off the menu like that, the Demon shows up in a hoodie and Drake’s sunglasses like this:

“How 'bout a side of knife?” IT says and then stabs Tariq in the chest. I mean Connie may not literally be a MurderKing, but that demon being a MurderQueen2B? Would not put it past IT.  

Also can we talk about the ring, why did A Demon use Dean’s engagement ring from RoE? I thought IT would have at least wanted William’s ring from RoE. Then again, the ring is to symbolize a union with a man IT doesn’t give a solitary fuck about what so ever.  If she doesnt care about the man why would she care about the ring?  Personally, I am just going to take it as one of many indications that this was indeed a fuckass errand.

Drake was there, he wants to dress up Liam like a pirate.

Okay, with that out the way.

Well questions.

Drake, I know that you are simple ass dude kind of dude. I can appreciate that.  I just can’t suspend my disbelief that you are really going wedding gift shopping for your best friend who is a monarch at NotIKEA or at a hardware store. What are you thinking? I know this has more to do with PB only having so many backgrounds than Drake actually being this inept. PB either make the background you need or rethink your story.  

Anyway the whole point of the shopping trip is to gift Liam Jess’s compass from RoE and for PB to force Halle to demonstrate terrible taste by putting Drake in those god awful sunglasses.  Drake didn’t protest because he only knows about whiskey, beige food and meat, and whatever his official job is in court.  Issa look. I will get back to these terrible ass clothes later.  Just know I am in my feelings.

This UN dinner is a fraud! How did Halle have to talk to some Italian ambassador in Capri but doesn’t talk to a single dignitary other than the Champagne Mami? How come Halle had to be there, Liam has to be there, Champagne Mami has to be there but the Demon is conveniently missing? 

What about the rest of the female members of the court? 

A UN dinner is the perfect place for a multiligual, ambitious woman like Kiara who would like to work for any of the foreign ministries to network.  I will not under any circumstances believe that Kiara was like “It’s ShondaThursday. I can’t!” Especially in the age of DVR and HULU.  Apparently Kiara was there in passing.  She was the one who recommended the roof to Maxwell.  Knew that Kiara is too smart to pass up this opportunity.  Still sucks not to see her though.

I could believe that Penelope would skip this.  Penelope hates parties like this which is something that she said at the last foreign dignitary party. The Demon isn’t going to be there. Penelope can be like “Well if Madeleine isn’t gonna be there, I am skipping the bullshit too.  If anyone is looking for me I will be hugging up on some dogs at the animal shelter. Deuces." 

I might believe that Olivia may not show up for a few reasons. One, free food and booze is not a motivator for her as it is for the rest of us simpletons. Nothing is as good as anything in Lythikos. Even the air in Lythikos is more airy-er. NY air smells like piss.  Olivia could skip the entirety of NY for that reason alone. Two, since the courting season or whatever Olivia does not give a fuck about participating in royal court.  She’ll be there when she’ll be there. Lastly but also most importantly, Connie done fucked up when he thought to threaten The Duchess of Lythikos. Olivia is a lot of things, but she isn’t the one.  Sure ain’t. Olivia didn’t come to that sad, retirement community center party because she was busy doing this:

Making some calls…

Training…

She is coming for that ass Connie.  She may pull the plug before Halle.  The only thing that could possibly keep Connie from getting his whole ass handed to him by Olivia as opposed to aggressive end stage lung cancer is if Connie tells her the whole truth about her parents.  I could see Olivia at least pausing to get those answers. Then she’ll be like:

Why isn’t Hana there? She is a member of the court and has no reason to miss this.  It’s not like she is scouring New York for practice puss.  I can appreciate that so much of Hana’s life is in flux right now. However I do not see Hana as the type to just let herself be driftless without some kind of anchor even during a time like this.  While she is unsure of what she wants or what’s next I think that Hana would have still come to the UN shindig.  If anything else, Hana knows how to be at an event like this, can benefit from networking, and it could be affirming for Hana. Not in this massive way but in that she knows how to do this. So I call bullshit.

Hana can’t be in attendance but Maxwell can be there to embarass the whole fuck out himself? I know you have home training.  Why are you like this? It’s not the time to literally play with your food. Maxwell really has no sense of time and place whatsoever. This is why Bertrand has to get you together sometimes.

As for the Champagne Mami herself, I really like her. I know that she could be in on the fuckery if not an active participant of whatever that Demon is up to. However, I still really like her and I am going to make her my mom now.  I could see Champagne Mami and Halle just living, enjoying each other’s company. They are cackling in the corner of some stuffy ass party in the UK. Waiter: Would you like some spotted dick? Adelaide: Are the spots something that can be cleared up with antibiotics? Asking for a friend. Halle: Girl, you so bad! Adelaide: No you are. *They cackle together loudly*

So, at any minute PB is just gonna be like:

So the Demon is not even the duchess of its country, just a county. Your inferiority is showing again heifer.  Maybe the Demon takes all of its time wielding the little power IT has in a way that inflicts pain because it reflects how truly powerless IT feels. Hmm.

That tidbit came from the .000003 seconds that Justin dropped by.  He certainly made his time count.  If I have to assemble a team to beat A Demon I am picking Justin and Olivia.  Dassit. Justin is a great strategist that can outsmart the Demon and Olivia is additional brain power + brawn.

I am really happy for Maxwell stans.  Y'all have been waiting, biding your time, and your patience and persistence has paid off. I am hoping that the romance upgrade includes some character development for him. I did not play the scene for romance but Halle and Maxwell do have a real moment where she thanks him for making this experience happen for her. If Maxwell didn’t think that Halle could make Liam happy he would not have been inspired to sponsor her.  His sponsorship made this whole experience possible. So even when he regresses in a way that makes me wonder if he has any untreated brain injuries, this whole experience is thanks to him. I am glad that is acknowledged in writing.

Maxwell stans you are one step closer to making this happen:

I am happy with the Liam diamond scene this week.  He is literally crazy in love with Halle.  I ain’t mad at it.  He gets sweeter and sweeter every time we are alone with him.  He is so sweet I am actually concerned that Halle is going to wake up and Liam has transformed into a Haribo gummy bear.

But Liam also did this:

What are you trying to say? This only tells me that Liam hasn’t actually tasted a Cordonian Ruby straight from the tree recently if not longer. I think Liam’s perpetual boner for Cordonia could be having an adverse affect on his taste buds. Them apples are nasty raw. Just a fact.

I know if Liam and Halle were to literally start fucking in Central Park, Hana stans would rightfully start a riot. With that said, I know that he has that on a list somewhere.

These clothes.  Bruh.  We need to talk. 

Drake’s was the least offensive since it was really the sunglasses that killed it. 

Halle’s dress is kind of matronly.  It reminiscent of what a girl would wear to a cotillion.  Halle is literally waiting to be presented to black high society arm in arm with the son of Dr. and Mrs. Henry Fontaine. And even when Liam got to dress down, Halle had to stay in this awful get up.  So now Halle has to be out here looking like some budget Glinda the good witch holding hands with a dude in joggers. Yuck!

As for Liam’s outfit, I am here for the tight shirt, I am not as bothered by the novelty aspect of it (it might be kind of cute). Liam picked the pants. I now know that Liam has never shopped for his own clothes a day in his life and it should remain that way. Liam has many talents but clothes shopping ain’t one.  Liam is a fucking king and he can live without ever having to learn. He will be just fine.

What really has me feeling a way about these clothes is two things.  One, for all of these cothing options you have to pay diamonds.  You pay your hard earned money to dress poorly.  Spending that money but still coming out like Ugly Betty. On top of that insult, not only did you spend money on this, PB has the whole entire nerve to blame Halle (MC) partially (Liam, Halle made the top) or entirely (Drake’s outfit is all Halle) for these poor satorial choices.  Halle’s character has been assassinated y'all.  Halle has been defamed.

So Bertie is back just in time to tell us that we are going to LA to look for Tariq.  I am not sure what finding Tariq is going to do.  Connie is the one behind all of the bullshit.  Unless the Demon did something to blackmail Connie, I don’t see how this clears the way for Liam and Halle to get married.  Also, I guess your enemies did get bolder Connie.  How effective is your leadership if the Demon can blackmail its way directly to the throne?  Also, what does the Demon have over you that you just can’t diffuse?

So we are going, going, off, off ,to Cali, Cali. At least Liam is letting us use his jet. How much do you want to bet that we are going to end up on a beach so PB can use that beach background?  Maxwell stans are probably going to taste Maxwell’s dick before Drake stans will taste his. That has to sting, but not as much as Hana stans not having a passing mention of Hana in this chapter. Y'all better get your ducats ready. Liam stans may not really see Liam. I am a little sad, but PB is not disrespecting me as intensely and thoroughly so Imma shut up and let it stand.

I still want a panda for my royal wedding. I would also like to kick that demon into a pit 300 style.

Also wrapping up my first fan fic.  I hope to have it out in the next couple of days. “Why am I saying that here?” asked nobody.  I need peer pressure to make me stop being so nervous and get it done.

#thoughts on thots #king liam the sexy #king liam #trr hana #trr drake #trr maxwell #trr bertrand #trr olivia #the royal romance #playchoices

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 12 | “Beauty got problems and Brawn got problems”- Autumn

wow. just wow. i sure did just do that and im so proud. i proved to myself im a deserving winner tonight. i will fight to the death to get my allies to the end because lets be real i sure am not making it KJSDFLASFLA.

i was going to start this confessional out in a celebratory tone but YOU KNOW WHAT I STILL AM BECAUSE WE JUST DID THAT. I typically like to be my own biggest hater and drag myself in my confessionals a lot just as a way to clock myself and try to see the other perspective, but BITCH I KNOW I SNAPPED THIS ROUND AND IF YOU DONT THINK I DID LEMME HIT YOU WITH SOME FACTS; FACT: I CORRECTLY USED MY ADVANTAGE AND WON IMMUNITY DURING WHAT WAS A PERTINENT ROUND https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: UPON FINDING OUT I HAD IMMUNITY I KNOW DEVON WAS COMING TO ME TRYING TO KEEP ME UNDER HIS WING, OH YEAH ADAM, JUST VOTE IN THE MINORITY, AND GO ALONG WITH BEING AT THE BOTTOM, AND IT WAS M E DECIDING I DIDNT WANT TO DO THAT AND SPILLING THE TEA THAT LED TO GETTING AN OUTCOME I WANTED https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: it was ME who also went to autumn/ali and started planting seeds of doubt in their minds about jake and it's turning out it's helped me solidify my position with them better https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif FACT: It's also still me who's aligned with 2 or 3, if you include jake, of the biggest targets left in the game and i already have augusto and amir sliding in my pms trying to play pity me boo hoo hoo like gorl plea im not buying it but yall wanna keep singing kumbaya? well ill sing the encore and be twice as fake as yall (i DO love them both as people just as a disclaimer but from a game perspective? they're beasts!) https://media.tenor.com/images/6c2f88af1bd5a24853849df11a566947/tenor.gif ok, boasting over, time to hop off cloud nine and get back to reality because FACT: we all just made a big move, so the target on all of us, including myself, just went up, FACT: i could easily be delusional and maybe i had NOTHING to do with this blindside SJDFA but lemme bask in my fake glory anyway itll be funny to read after at least... FACT: The war has truly only just begun, that was a great victory but if me/ali/autumn are really in it like we're saying, we may still have another idol on our side, but we're gonna need more than that, it's kinda funny we're one brain, one brawn, one beauty and i think that speaks volumes i truly love these gals and think this is a good game route for me. some people might think it's foolish of me to align with the big threats and go deep with them, but who's to say im not worthy of being in their company? if it wasnt for my social connection with devon he wouldve never told me the plan, and then autumn is the smart one so she kept us composed and together, and then ali was the brawn he had the idol and got the job done. So im gonna just try and stick with this for now, hopefully they feel the same and dont try to oust me right away because then ill look like a whole fool and a half OOP, and ill plaster my fake smiles on for everyone else and kiki it up we can haha hehe all day long but i wont hesitate to vote them out because trust and believe. 

Last Day 30 was my last day playing TS: Guyana, so this is a nice feeling to still be here. But now the fun kicks in. Jakey helped orchestrate the Devon blindside with the Ali idol, so I guess we're even. And now, assuming Jakey is still actually with me, which I think he is, I think we can run this game for the longrun. He has access to Ali, Autumn, and Adam and I have access to the three Beauties. I truly see this being beneficial for the both of us in terms of keeping one another safe and allowing us to get to the final six unharmed. Final six is important for me. I'm not sure if I've admitted this in an earlier confessional or not, but I have the Legacy Advantage (thank you Jordan Pines!) that I can use at six. So I just need to survive two more tribals. If I can do that, I have a seat in the final five, probably two more rounds to survive before getting to FTC, and then I have a shot. I really need to start building a resume if I want to win this game, but I think I have a chance. I really need to get Ali and Autumn out in these next three rounds. If I can do that, I see myself being able to make the end with the likes of Jakey, Kendall, Augusto, and maybe Adam (Amir will become a threat at five or six I think) and then I have at least a shot at the win, but I really need to keep my head down, keep the social game going, and make a move or two here.

so. i think i have some explaining to do JKLASDFA huh? i was on calls for the like three hours before tribal so i didn't really confess at all.. in fact i think in my last confessional i said that we were voting 4-3-3 which did not happen at all so i think i need to fill in some gaps huh? so... i have known since like 11pm EST yesterday that i was getting votes tonight. devon told, adam told me and then told autumn, but then autumn didn't want to tell me until later in the day which i honestly do think was fair so we weren't spiralling for hours. we were all sus of jake all day (and lowkey i still am?)... like i dont know when his energy because so shady, plus devon may have told adam that jake was in on the plan? plus he kept saying stuff like the vote has gone "back to kendall" and kept pushing me not to play the idol... something does not add up right with that. anyway so that demonic group of five voted for me, and lied SO much to make me leave with my idol? like why not just make me paranoid, leak the vote to adam or jake then vote autumn get me to waste an idol and then autumn leaves? now that would've been a good move hello?! but that group does not know how to blindside, idols have sabotaged their plans twice and amir/augusto should consider themselves lucky that they are still in the game. also kendall fought me at tribal because i was being cocky... but she literally tried to blindside me into leaving with an idol hello?! i appreciate that she thought she was going, but she is zero to too much way too quick. augusto can literally suck my ass our call was him and his bad excuse for jury management, like can he at least be like amir and pretend to want to work with me? anyway so moving forwards, i wanna vote out kendall or augusto this round. amir can stick around because he at least pretends to wanna work with me plus he is a threat too. idek i just want all the fake people in this tribe gone. i will not vote for adam, autumn or jake. i will vote for any of the others, im not fussed about the order in which i do so. im living on borrowed time in this game and im going to make it count

Sorry this is two parts I thought my friend was gonna die lol but she's fine. Remember kids, there's no dick worth dying over and a straight guy rejecting you is a blessing in disguise these days (considering the alternatives). 

Now on with the show hahaha 

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1-AkqQGDYzlccP1VFwpPNo-aCQPFmoj9Z https://drive.google.com/open?id=1bVcBqq0JL2-ybgTiS2vOrYURbCG0kIxh

thots on final 8: augusto: would cut me to win, literal love of my life, super kind and empathetic and genuinely good person, i think his social game is fire and i think he has a way with people, and downplays how smart and cutthroat he really is constantly, but i love the kid so much ali: the brit has to die ali again: okay im kidding i like him a lot but tbh hes a smart fucking guy, i think hes super cool and and also a badass with that idol play, hes a force but he has to go soon autumn: lana stan, coolest girl around, queen of the social game, queen of likability, queen of controlling rounds and letting others take the hit, a damn threat, she could win this game   tj: sweetheart, we need each other in the game rn, i need need need to secure his loyalty adam: hes kinda crazy but he has a good heart, kinda just following ali and autumn rn, not gonna win in the end kendall: i have a soft spot for this crackhead, she deserves the world, probably cant win at the end but im happy i met her, shes on my side and a vote i can use moving forward jakey: love him to death would die 4 him, would beat me in the end and at immunities also the fact that kendall augusto and i are all still here is so fucking funny, like bitch how kejwnfkewjnfkejnwfkjnewkfnewk cockroaches

So numbers on surface Jakey - adam - autumn - Ali Kendall - Amir - Augusto - tj Round 5: Adam - Ali - autumn Amir - kendall - Augusto In the middle: jakey - tj So I just have to work on them 

when i tell you ive been hooting and hollering what the fuck is going on in the survivor on this day, who the hell would've thought id win my third individual immunity in one season, gorl that is probably the most 2020 thing to happen in this game. although two of them pretty much were dumb luck afdjks either that or maybe im doing a little better than i think i truly dont know, and the touchy subjects clocked me on THAT as; what was it they said, 'the person they forget is in the game' and also 'least aware of their place' okay well yes im AWARE ive BEEN lost and asking for help this whole game gorl! But that's great, that's how i want people to view me, because uh... i just won 3 of these things now and that alone is reason to target me, granted im doing my best to play it up like dont worry! im just a dumb dumb! and clearly theyre eating that up like crazy, because it's both just the truth but also strategy if i keep playing it up, so watch out meryl, adam's in town! also LOVE that i knew i was gonna get most likely to have the idol i dont know how many times i have to say it IM INNOCENT AND BEING FRAMED FOR A FOOL and ooh dont even get me started on all the other tea it spilled, i actually got the LEAST of the bad things, i guess i kinda exposed myself because i made most of my chops at amir, augusto, and tj oop, so they probably didnt like that but they really left me no choice strategically, screw with me, i screw back, simple as that. As far as the vote too ummm.....it's been quiet tonight on my end so hope that doesnt make me a fool because this time last vote was a disaster, at this point im still thinking i need to stick with ali and autumn because this vote is so pertinent, after this a solid 4  can take it, or get as far as we can because im always keeping my options open OOP, but for the most part i do want to stay true to my good judys for now, but i know someone between amir/augusto/kendall has an idol and if they were smart theyd use it this round, so i need to convince the others of this because im sure its gonna happen since they dont think ali has one anymore hopefully but who knows, if it were up to me we'd vote augusto or tj this vote. I think amir has the idol and i think he's going to play it for himself this round or i could see augusto playing it for him, so if i can make anyone belive that very realistic scenario, we can get one of the ones theyd least expect just to ensure us the numbers for next round, but what do i know, they just forget im in the game anyway! so hopefully tomorrow someone tries to give me the tea and we get a plan together or else i spilled all the tea last round for nothing which is worst case scenerio 

yesterday was a lot. I went an apology tour to everyone involved in my blindside and honestly it was annoying. the fact that augusto basically got me to apologise to him on our call when he blindsided me was irritating, like he just let me sit there and take fault when the point of the call was for him to take accountability. talking to him is like talking to 2018 me, he has such social ability, but he just takes zero accountability and is just so infuriatingly wishy-washy. he is all of my worst attributes as a player rolled into one. i also... almost won immunity? which is crazy, but I just found yesterday and the way immunity played out so frustrating, but I've spoken about it enough in my host chat enough. just know i feel robbed, slighted and if I get rocked out this round when i should have immunity. i will throw a fuss again SAJDKFLAS. anyway so this vote is gonna be a mess. tj and autumn now have a blood feud, Kendall and jake came to a head this round. so that's four people whose name i hopefully am not their number #1 target, plus i don't think adam is targetting me? but this vote is going to be a mess, because it very very easily could be 4-4, where there is an idol on both sides of the trench. i have a gut feeling amir and his sock puppets are going to vote autumn. it makes sense, tj wants her gone and the beauties need him reeled in. so i think im going to have to idol autumn, but that is risky because if the 4 vote jake... im going to rocks, and if they vote me, im reliant on jake going to rocks. but i just wanna send all these people backing, especially augusto. amir i'm trying to shake him that me and him have to stick together, but i also could vote for him. i literally just want to make F7 and to vote someone who just voted me out. that is literally all i want. if i go home i will be literally devastated

So like… there’s the dream and there’s the harsh reality which is something this round really talk me. The dream is obviously me winning, making all these big moves, and doing THAT. However, my reality? Could very well be that people don’t see me as a winner at all and it makes me a little disappointed but I gotta prove them all wrong. The vote last round being Ali was honestly mostly my doing and I’m proud of that. My ideal boot order is Autumn/Ali then Jakey then Autumn/Ali and that is GOING to happen because I’m putting that into the universe. When it comes to Autumn and Ali, I would rather Ali go but I think the safest bet while still having a target leave would be Autumn. In a way too, I do know Amir wants Ali out moreso alongside Jakey but I wanna separate my game from Amir so yeah. Also Adam calling me a fake ass bitch even tho my drunk ass was telling him I liked him was a gag… but oh well.. Nothing grinds my gears more than people thinking I’m not being genuine with how I feel towards them but if that’s what he thinks, maybe that’s what he’ll get idk… i feel petty and mad for some reason over it… BUT ANYWAY, I just want to survive this vote. I hope Kendall doesn’t go but she also said she wants me to win over Amir so yay?

If I die, I just wanna say I regret nothing and I have full confidence that the right person will win this season. So not TJ, Augusto, or Amir lmaaaaooo. Amir entering the two time winner chat??? Over my dead fucking body. If there's one thing Imma do it's poison a jury

Ali or Autumn... who shall we vote? Stay tuned!

Is Jess really Canadian... stay tuned!

god. today is gonna be another nailbiter and i want to confess first. so the plan is to idol autumn and vote out kendall, which sucks because i do now like kendall. i just think its the safest way of avoiding them playing an idol i guess, i don't even know. i just am sick of fighting in this game every single round me and autumn have had to fight to make it past. the fact jake is throwing a fit in my pms becuase im not idoling him is infuriating because... i'd love to idol myself? like? anyway im over it. if i go home, i hope tj can finally stop his blind fixation on autumn and i, that augusto can actually be accountable for one entire thing, amir can stop his pity party and show awareness for his threat level and that kendall... well actually kendall is fine. i just feel like im a mum trying to get all my kids to fit in a minivan and to put their seatbelts on, like can they get it together.

I don’t think anyone is ready for this round or at least what’ll come of it... I’m expecting an explosion or a mess given Jakey thinks he’s staying, TJ has been lied to, and hopefully Autumn or Adam leave next... its all a mess. If Jakey goes, I’m planning a 2-2-2 split between Autumn and Adam where we maybe get Autumn out but Adam leaving doesn’t hurt either. 

me with biggest villian, biggest backstabber, thinks they are running the game, is running the game, and is gonna win at the end http://prntscr.com/ss4h5q

literally god demolished and brutalized worse than anyone in this game tonight in that touchy subjects yet I’m also the one comforting like half the tribe over their answers even tho I ADKWNWQJN WAS ATTACKT LIKE this cast literally thinks im a psychopath fjebwfjenkn but im not gonna play victim over my superlatives i just have to use this target on my back strategically 

I want destruction AHHHHHHHHHHhhHhHhHhHhHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay so, they think me or Augusto have the idol, so they can vote kendall, to ensure our idol isn’t played and that me and Augusto and tj are forced into rocks, and im just like trying to get everyone to stop replying to ali cuz hes smart and he will psychoanalyze and figure out who to play the idol on and like he has to play it on autumn and not himself so pls pls pls kkjnkjenfs let this work

#BackWithVengeance

[redstarfiction-blog]

Fathers.

This is along a similar theme as I will Remember You, focussing on Jamie and Frank and their relationships with Bree. I really appreciate all the fantastic feed back you guys give and also, I have answered most of my prompts now so if anyone has any requests, I would be happy to write something for you whilst I continue to work on the next instalments of my larger AU’s. xx 

Jamie sat down on the steps of Lallybroch and bit into an apple. The juice ran down his chin but when he wiped it away his fingers were dry and his left hand, when he looked at it, was whole and unmarked by the years. He smiled slightly to himself.

*’Tis a dream then.* He thought, stretching his legs out before him as he settled  to wait for Claire, she always came to him in dreams, just as she had in their years apart, and he doubted tonight would be any different. He looked around the yard at the group of hens pecking at seeds or grubs in the drizzling rain and wondered why it was so often raining in his dreams.

As he had got older he had become more aware of when he was dreaming, not so much in the nightmares of Wentworth or Culloden unfortunately, but Jamie supposed that was not to be helped.

A figure rounded the corner and stepped through the gate and Jamie saw that it was not Claire; it was a man wearing odd clothes and a wide brimmed hat that Jamie recognised but could not place. As the stranger got closer, he looked up and intelligent, dark eyes locked with Jamie’s.  

Frank.

Jamie sighed and stood up. He had seen the man in the background of a one of the square pictures Claire had brought him, which was why he had known the hat. What the Hell did the bastard want? Jamie stepped off of the door step and as his boot touched the ground the dusty courtyard hardened into flagstones and they were no longer at Lallybroch but toe to toe in a church, the church Jamie and Claire had married in.

Frank looked up at Jamie, the tilt of his neck exaggerated to show his recognition of their difference in height, a small smile touching the corner of his mouth, his eyes wide and contemptuous.

“You were a big bugger, weren’t you?”

He held out his hand to shake but Jamie couldn't bring himself to touch the man and recoiled.

“I look a lot like him don’t I? My ancestor I mean.”

Frank asked; his voice was softer and a little deeper than Jack’s.  Jamie had not heard it before but he felt certain that it was truly Frank Randall’s voice and the knowledge sent goose-bumps skittering across his skin. How was he dreaming of Frank’s voice?

“Aye, but ye dinna sound like him. I've seen a … photograph picture of ye, but I dinna ken how I know your voice.”

Jamie looked around for Claire but she wasn’t there. He felt unease prickle down his spine and shivered lightly.

“Ah. You’re afraid. Is this merely a dream or is it purgatory? Are we both waiting for the same woman?”

Frank’s smile widened and he stepped in close to Jamie once again.

“Don’t worry James, you’re not dead yet and in the morning you will wake up and no doubt fuck our wife.”

Jamie swung his fist but where Frank had been there was only air and the bastard was sat in the pew behind him.

“I agree; that was callous of me, oafish even, but really? A punch? You tried to punch a ghost? You really are all brawn and little brain.”

Frank was almost laughing at him and Jamie felt heat creep into his face.

“What do ye want?” He asked, his teeth clenched and fists balled at his side

“I don’t want anything at all. You conjured me to you, or really I suppose it must have been Brianna…”

Frank’s face softened at the mention of Brianna’s name, the smile becoming tender and proud and Jamie released his fists. He crossed himself and murmured a brief Hail Mary before answering.

“Aye. Brianna was tellin’ Jem about ye. I heard her.”

“Yes. I suppose that must have been difficult for you. Claire spared me that at least. She never mentioned you to Brianna. Never spoke of you at all.”

Jamie felt the words slice into him but pushed the feeling away. Spirits were not known for being kind, and Randall had less reason than most to be kind to him, spirit or not.

“Aye, weel, ye’ve that then.” Jamie said softly and looked away. He did not want to be here with Randall, he wanted Claire. He allowed his eyes to roam toward the altar, thinking of Claire as she had been their wedding day.

And then she was there before him. Wearing the dress that Ned had procured, her cheeks flushed with the drink but her eyes clear and locked unwaveringly with his own and he thought again how he had never seen anything so lovely, neither before nor since. He heard Frank sigh.

“She loved you even then. Not that she had admitted it to herself but … she did.” Jamie startled and glanced down beside him at Frank stood at his shoulder looking in the same direction as Jamie and clearly seeing what he was seeing.

“Don’t look so shocked. Of course I can see her.” His voice was tight with longing and Jamie sighed.

“What do ye want Frank?” He asked again, though gently this time. The smaller man looked up at him, dislike plain across his features.

“I truly don’t want anything from you. What do you want from me? I didn’t choose to be here.”

Jamie thought for a moment, what did he want from the man? Across the course of his life Jamie had regarded Frank with jealousy for sharing Claire’s affections with him, pity for his loss of Claire when she chose Jamie and then hatred when he had been forced to send her back to him.

“I believe I wish to thank ye.” The words passed his lips before he knew he was going to say them and surprised them both. Frank had returned to looking wistfully at the image of Claire in her wedding gown but now the small smile returned and he cocked his head at Jamie.

“Why?”

“For … for keeping them safe. For loving Brianna and raising her in my stead… she … she adored ye. You were a good father. I wish to thank ye for it.”

“And as a husband?”

Jamie shrugged. He was dimly aware that the church had faded around them. They were surrounded by woodland and the trees rose above them blotting out most of the light but Jamie could sense it was Fraser’s Ridge all the same, the home he had built from scratch with Claire by his side.

“No. Ye were no’ a good husband. You were not cruel but Claire says ye laid wi’ other women…”

Frank laughed, a warm, rich sound that sent birds scattering from the trees; his head tipped back just the way Claire did. A habit he had picked up from her? Maybe she had learned it from him? Jamie felt jealousy stir in his gut and tried to force it away.

“I was raising a red-haired, blue-eyed child who was taller than me by the time she was fourteen! Do you really think Claire has cause to complain?”

Jamie smiled a little at the truth of that but shrugged.

“She didna complain, but fact is fact and ye asked me if I considered ye a good husband. I do not.”

“Fair enough. I suppose I couldn’t really hold a candle to you could I? The warrior!”

Frank’s voice dripped with sarcasm and he stretched his hands above his head and yawned.

“I never held it against Brianna though. That girl was … she was the sun and the moon to me. You took Claire from me … maybe that’s unfair… I should really say that Claire gave herself to you, but Brianna will always be mine. You know that. Come to think of it, perhaps I am here to thank you. After all, you gave me a child.”

Jamie felt pain like a grief swell in his chest but more muted than grief. It was like a stubbed toe when the initial hurt fades and is replaced with a pulsating ache that lingers for a while but is manageable.

“Maybe if she had not met Roger it would have been different, but you gave her away again almost as soon as you found her…”

Frank continued and Jamie’s palms begin to sweat.

“Brianna is my daughter…”

“By blood, of course. There is no denying it! Even if she was the image of Claire physically she has your temper, your theatrical nature and let’s not forget her stubbornness! The girl is undoubtedly your biological daughter. But that doesn’t change the fact that in her heart, I am her father. I could tell you so many little things about her that you will never know …”

“Enough. I will hear no more from ye on it. Ye have said your piece and I have said mine now leave.”

Jamie’s voice was tight and a sound like rushing water filled his ears.

“Is it me or is this just your mind filling you in on the things you already know?”

“I ken her better than ye think.”

“Maybe, but not as well as I do.”

Frank placed a hand on Jamie’s arm and it was disturbingly solid. Jamie tried to shake him off but he only gripped harder.

“What does she even call you? Da? Da?”

“DA!” Jamie jerked upright and gulped for air as though he had been drowning. Bree knelt beside the bed, her hand still on his arm.

“Da, it’s alright. It was a dream, whatever it was, it was just a dream.”

Jamie ran a hand over his face to chase away the last gossamer threads of sleep tying him to the dream and focussed his eyes on his daughter. His chest was heaving and he had to stop himself seizing her in an embrace. Swinging his legs out of bed he pulled the blanked over his lap for modesty and braced his elbows on his knees.

“I’m sorry a leannan. Did I wake ye?”

“No I was up with Jemmy anyway.”

“Where’s your mother?”

“Still in the study, I think she dozed off but I didn’t like to wake her.”

Bree sat on the edge of the bed beside him and smiled at her father.

“Do you want to tell me about your dream?”

Jamie shook his head, sitting up straighter. “No, I dinna need to trouble ye wi’ my foolishness.”

There was little trace of the initial awkwardness between them but his refusal seemed to bring the remnants of it to the surface. Bree studied her bare feet in the candlelight and whether it was the pained look on her face or the need to prove Frank wrong, Jamie cleared his throat and began to tell her. “In truth, I was dreamin’ about your ... Frank.”

“Daddy?” Brianna whipped round to face him, eyes wide with shock. Her hand flew to her mouth and she reached out to Jamie, catching his hand in hers.

“I’m sorry … I didn’t mean … What happened in your dream?”

“Weel, he wanted to tell me how much he loved ye, and I think to make sure I was taking care of ye.”

“Oh Da…” Brianna blushed

“Earlier, I heard ye tellin’ wee Jem about his other grandfather and I want ye to ken that I dinna mind.”

Brianna bit her lip “I wanted to tell Jemmy because …” She faltered and Jamie drew her close to him, resting his chin on her head.

“Ye dinna want him forgotten.”

Brianna relaxed into his arms and allowed her head to rest against his shoulder.

“There is no one else to remember him. I think it is how Mama felt about you, that feeling that someone should *know* you existed, know who you were.”

Her voice wavered, but held strong this time and Jamie could hear the core of defiance that ran through her words. She didn’t want to wound him, but she wouldn’t apologise either; she was so like Claire in that way and Jamie hoped Frank had known that too. Brianna was not all him.

“I ken that fine a leannan, ye dinna need to explain. He raised ye and loved ye in the unconditional way a father should – ye are right to honour his memory.”

Jamie spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully.

“I know he isn’t – wasn’t- my real father, but I did love him.” She said quietly, stifling a yawn and Jamie nodded, shifting her so that his arms cradled her against him, the solid weight of her leaning against his chest a comfort to them both.

“Love isna dependent on blood.”

Jamie smiled as he rubbed small circles between her shoulder blades, and felt her head grow heavier on his shoulder.

“I love you Da. I really hope you know that.” She whispered and Jamie kissed her head in response, too overcome to speak. As Brianna’s breathing grew heavier the candle flickered and danced despite the lack of draft in the room and Jamie hoped that Frank was satisfied for one night at least. Then again, if he had ever got the chance to see Claire and Brianna during all the years of separation, he would have done it. If he had to haunt every dream that Frank Randall ever had he would have done it.

Love demanded it.

#Outlander #outlander au #fanfiction #outlander fanfic #outlander fandom #fanfic #RedStarFiction

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 10 "If he has an idol, color me 17 different shades of shook." - Brian

Alex C going home is literally making this the best day of my life... The only thing that's better is knowing that there's a VERY good chance he also left with an idol in his pocket, which is one idol out of the game, on top of the person I didn't want here the most. Now it's just Sarah, and a loose Kendall left vs the world, and they won't make it anywhere. Another great thing about this round is that Brian won immunity for our whole tribe, so now we're safe and guaranteed a spot in the top 14. I'm honestly not surprised I made it this far, but now I really just need to continue to lay low, with the consistent maintaining of control of our tribe. The one thing that was interesting this round is that Alex C. apparently found an idol for the Brawn tribe, and had to give it to a member of the Brawn tribe, so he chose Drew, as to where Drew gave it right back to him (all according to Drew), which now means that either Drew is coming up with some BULL FICACTA (Jewish term, don't judge) or he's actually telling the truth, and there's a very good chance Alex C, the dumbass of all dumbasses, left the game with an idol in his pocket. Other than that, there isn't much to add to this round unfortunately. At least now I know about idols and how they work, and that the Brawn one is out of play. I wouldn't be surprised if another idol has already been found, but I'm getting no luck looking for it. I think I'm going to propose to my alliance with Drew, Steffen, Ashton, Trace and Dom that we need to all compare notes and look for it together to get it, but what that really means is that there's a VERY good chance that if Dom finds it, he's going to give it to Trace, if Drew or Steffen find it, they're going to give it to me, and if I find it I'm definitely giving it to Steffen. I have enough people willing to give me an idol because they think it'll help me out, and you BEST BELIEVE I am not giving that idol back like Drew did.... What a fucking bozo

I just have to reiterate how happy I am that Alex C is gone. I just can't believe it. I think Sarah is going to think I had something to do with this, but oops?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChGisl7_61M&feature=youtu.be

So considering we won immunity, I figured it'd be a pretty lul day for me, and I'd be able to just calm the fuck down for a half a second, but clearly that was never going to happen because so much information got thrown at me yesterday from Drew, and I didn't even expect that information to come my way but it did. Firstly, Drew found the Beauty idol, and had to will it to someone on my tribe, and OF COURSE he picked me, and then I gave it back to him as a sign of trust (same I did with Steffen) and I know when I ask him for the idol as well, if I'm in trouble, then he'd easily give it to me, which is fucking fantastic. ON TOP OF THAT, I found out that Kendall told Drew that Sarah I guess found the Brawn idol, willed it to Crow? and then ended up getting it back (at least that's how I assume Sarah got the idol, and again, her having the idol is all hingent on what Kendall told Drew, and then Drew relaying that to me). Now I am very aware of every idol in the game (minus a potential Villains super idol), which is actually amazing because I am 99% sure I am the only one that knows about Drew's idol and Steffen/my idol because Steffen and Drew were both VERY focused on not telling anyone, and I'm assuming that Crow/Sarah/Kendall/Drew/I know about Sarah's idol, but Kendall has no idea that she made that oopsie, and that it's going to come back to bite her. Being immune is awesome, and people are anticipating a f14 merge, but I just don't think it's realistic. I think we're merging at 12 or 11, and we have a swap after this, which would be pretty awesome. Going into this later phase of the game, the only thing I have to worry about at this point is an angry Pippa and a potentially still bitter Sarah, because I went after her during the joint tribal, so I just need to be careful of that. I am overly confident in A LOT of my relationships, but I'm NEVER going to be too confident, not making too many concrete deals when we get to merge because I know that people talk. I am done offering deals and alliances, and I'm going to let my social game shine through and just get included in as much as I can, and show that I am game to work with anyone, so that way I can continue to know more than anyone. Knowing the most in this game shows that you're an incredible player, and definitely holding onto more information about idols than everyone in the game is already impressive, and I have the Isaac move on my resume, and now I have to get to merge and be ready to make more important moves.

okay jk I misunderstood Drew. Sarah does not have an idol. Kendall was planning to tell Sarah that Drew had an idol, so this way Sarah could run to the Villains on the Brawn tribe and tell them that Drew had an "idol," which is funny enough because Kendall doesn't know that Drew actually has an idol, so that plan would've blown up the fact that Drew actually has one. On 9/15/17, at 10:35 AM, Drewbert wrote: > lol yeah still no word on where the Hero, Villain, or Brain idol is LOL YEA LUL I HAVE THE HEROES/VILLAINS IDOL, and I am quite sure there's only one of them, so you just don't know buddy ;) I've been thinking about it, and definitely going to the finals with any combination of Dom/Trace/Ashton is my best bet. I legitimately hope that we can get to the final six of this game with that alliance that I have, and then let my f3 with Trace and Dom reign through, and then I can maybe beast it out. As much as Steffen and Drew trust me, and honestly I trust them the same, them getting to finals could result in a big loss for me, but I do know that they are arguably two of the biggest players left in the game, along with Sarah and Tommy and Brian, so now I know that those people are going to be under fire more than others. I just need to continue to target weaker players I'm not working with, so that way I can let the targets be the main threats until at least final seven, and then people might start looking at me and I'm going to have to start making moves. My ideal situation is that I can truly blow the fuck out of people's games if they get me once, I use my "second chance" idol that Steffen and I share, and then convince Drew that the next round I need to borrow his idol, but hopefully this is later in the game, and will turn to the point that I am the biggest threat, and then I just have to find a way to steamroll to the end. I know this game isn't going to be easy, but I'm very ready for merge and I'm ready to start this merge off right and start making power moves and make a name for myself. People don't see this underdog coming.

Current Alliances: Trace - Ride or Die Steffen - Ride or Die Drew - Ride or Die JT^2 - Tommy and Trace Drinking a cold one with the boys - Dom and Trace Menninists - Ashton, Trace, Dom, Steffen, Drew Solomans - Andrew, Steffen, Pippa Disbanded 30s Alliance? - Kendall, Andrew, Pippa, Drew Cross Tribal Pregame Friends Deal - Crow, Brian, Steffen I really just need to spend some time on Jonathan in the near future because he's the only one, who I don't have much with, but from what I heard, he was the bottom of the villains, so it shouldn't be too difficult, but there's also a great chance he goes home this round. Praying for more alliances and mixed deals to fall into my lap. This is only the beginning, and another alliance made is another opportunity to better position myself. Just staying as cautious as possible

I also need to not ask Andrew what’s happening at tribal because he’s going to think I’m playing too hard and that I’m being intrusive, and especially after I most recently screwed him over, I gotta just tread lightly with him and continue to prove to him that he can trust me. Where it’s funny, because the person, aside from Crow/Steffen/Trace (it's all a tie between these four), I like in the cast the MOST is Andrew, and I fucking ADORE him, and it’s just unfortunate that he might get fucked because of me on his swapped tribe, but if he makes it out, I'm going to be eternally grateful, and I'm going to need to find a way to not make a concrete deal with him at merge because he knows that I did that last time in Soloman (since he hosted me), so I just can't do it again.

Everyone's like "Crow ur fine." "Crow ur totally safe." but Crow knows better, momma didnt raise no fool! i still see the hero/villain split and i still see my ass on the wrong side PLUS no bitch seems to want to talk to me about game whatsoever but when I bring it up they're like "yea I'm down!" and its like well.....hmmm if you were really wanting to play with me, wouldn't you come to me earlier? so I can't wait to get 15th and be a victim of yet another iconic robbery. the fact that Kage is making it farther than me is honestly enough to make me nauseous

[9/15/17, 2:25:51 PM] Do m: Ok but real talk [9/15/17, 2:26:02 PM] Do m: Drew and Steffen are huge threats [9/15/17, 2:36:33 PM] Trace Demarest: yeah i think we need all 6 of us in the merge regardless [9/15/17, 2:36:39 PM] Trace Demarest: that would make me feel much much safer [9/15/17, 2:37:51 PM] Johnny (Kuang Si Host): Especially with two massive targets in our way before any of us get targeted [9/15/17, 2:38:22 PM] Trace Demarest: yeah exactly [9/15/17, 2:38:29 PM] Trace Demarest: and i don’t think either of them have idols tbh THEY BOTH HAVE IDOLS YOU FUCKING MORON LMFAOOOOOOOO

I have a lot to say since Alex has been voted out so I'm just splitting it into two confessionals because this one is going to be my explanation not only for Alex, but for everyone in the game I couldn't fully explain my motives to, because I know there wasn't a single person in the game that knew all 4 of these reasons: 1) What this vote was was a statement back to the people who had rose to power through voting out Isaac. Even if you were no longer with Sarah, it went to show that the people she tried to and succeeded in damaging weren't going to let it happen without repercussions. There's a law of returns in these games, and I wanted to make sure this was seen through to. If Isaac going was a statement to it no longer being heroes vs villains, then I wanted to make a statement that everyone wasn't just going to lie down and die, and that I could work with the villains as well. 2) That brings me to the second reason. I needed to collaborate with the villains. Junior and I had a discussion about how this tribal was going to be the one everyone on Brawn and Beauty was eyeing in order to see which directions the 5 of us (3 heroes and 2 villains) would go after such a massive blindside that redefined allegiances. Would the heroes come together and take the easy vote, would one hero flip, would villain turn against villain, or would a solid 4 come together to take out a hero? Obviously the latter was decided on. Isaac going and me being on this disaster of a brain tribe is me new slating it. I wanna work with villains. Fuck hero strong. I'm going to do what I think I have to do to survive from here on out. 3) This is one that I couldn't really disclose to people. I wanted Drew to lose possession of his idol. Getting you to hold Drew's idol for that tribal was easy enough, since you basically voiced you wanted to hold it anyway. And Drew with an idol is too much power for him. Quite frankly, I would rather go far without him, and if I want to blindside him eventually, him having no idol is fantastic. I'm sorry Drew, but I don't want this to be your 200th win. 4) This last reason could sting a little, but honestly I just didn't wanna move forward with you. When figuring out between Brian and Sarah, and then deciding on Tommy, you were very condescending through a large portion of the ordeal. You yelled at me in pms, made me and I know for a fact other people, feel stupid and belittled for thinking what we thought. For me, treating other people like that - with no common courtesy or self-awareness of your immaturity - doesn't fly for me. And if I feel that morally you don't deserve to go further in the game, then I won't have a problem voting you out. I think you're inherently a good person, but I think you need to do some maturing in those regards. There's something in Survivor about faking it till you make it in terms of social game where you really have to hold in a lot of what you want to say because it could just be social suicide. This was your social suicide. 

Okay whew I'm submitting this right after my Alex confessional but hello it's vote out one of the last 4 brains day and I wanna launch myself off of a building! Because I will feel immensely guilty voting any of these people out! Basically Junior and I have formed a final 2 on this brain tribe, figuring that if we do not swap it could very well get to that point that we are decimated so much that we are left with 2 people who have to duke it out, in which case if I'm sitting there with someone then I'm playing an idol on myself to auto-survive the tribe. But now that leaves us with the massive dilemma of taking out Jonathan or PIppa. Pippa is someone who obviously I have an extremely close relationship both in and out of this game. She is one of my best friends not only online but just in general, so voting her out makes me want to throw up not gonna lie. Then there's Jonathan, who I have established a very good relationship with. I feel like we get where each other is coming from but I know he's dangerous. But then I know it's also dangerous to move forward with Pippa, unless I get in a scenario where Junior and I have to vote her out - which I will do. There's just no way I can go into a swap with Pippa, so am I banking on us losing again for Pippa to go and Junior and I to stay? Maybe so! The thing is, Junior wanted Pippa gone this round not only on the off chance I would back out in taking him to f2 of this tribe, but also because he feels like keeping Jonathan in the swap as a threat is a good idea for a meet shield. But that's only if we swap. And of course there's a problem in taking Pippa into a swap considering I would be seen as with her, and I would probably get targeted over her if people try to split us up. So idk! I wanna vote out Jonathan tonight and I'm gonna feel like shit if it happens. Or I could just be getting blindside. I'm paranoid about Pippa letting slip that I have 2 idols so that she could blindside me, but I also think if I tell her we could use these to save ourselves once we're final 2 on the tribe, then she'll wanna take me for that safety. I s2g though I do not wanna go out with 2 idols, so I might give one to Pippa to hold. And then if it's me her and Junior at an f3 scenario on this tribe I'll just say I'm playing one on her in case Junior plays an idol which I really don't think he has because I've convinced him so much I'm taking him to the f2 of this tribe. Important side note if I survive this swap however - I had a good talk with Kendall last night. We both got good explanations out of each other for why Isaac and Alex got voted out. And I think she would wanna work with me down the line. That's the other thing. Idk if Pippa would wanna work with her at this point, and according to Kendall from Sarah - Pippa and Sarah are getting kinda close. Which is a big no no for me because I need Sarah out ASAP. But Kendall wants Sarah out too, but she just doesn't probably have numbers for it on the beauty tribe right now since apparently Sarah and Tommy are super close, and Sarah has Johnny who questionably has Trace. BUT apparently Johnny has voiced to Kendall that Sarah shouldn't be around too long so I don't fuckin know. There's too many damn layers to all this and I'm just trying to survive this swap man.

I could have totally fucked myself trying to be my typical, shady self. Since I was telling both Drew and Kage what they wanted to hear, I was cautious with my words. But secretly, I wanted to keep Drew, so I was trying to come up with a possible plan that could save him. But before I even got around to doing that, I find that Drew has run to Kage to tell him that I told him I was voting him (after I specifically told Drew not to) so he made my choice much easier. I don't put it past Drew though to get close to flipping the table on me, but as long as Kage trusts me, I should be good.

http://youtu.be/SIAHbeRte3M here

#returnrevengeredemption #confessionals