#from parents)

[laughingcatwrites]

As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.

For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.

But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.

Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.

#I'm so proud and happy for my coworker and I've been trying to figure out how to let him know how amazing I think he is #what gets me the most is that he's keeping this super down low to avoid giving any hints to his kid #he has a lot of queer friends so he already is known as an ally but there's always a chance it will be different if it's family #and he took that chance and crumpled it up into a ball and slam dunked it into the garbage for three points #and decided that even if his kid wants to hide it from him for the rest of his life he will still do what he can to make their life better #pflag #parents doing their best #parenting win #good news #allyship

[vaor]

things i wish i had known when i escaped my family household and couldn't ask my parents for help

invest in a good mattress early on. there are many other ends you can save on - sleep is not one of them. this is key to how much energy you'll have throughout the day

you don't need a bedframe but you do need a slatted bed base (even if it's just pallets)

opening a bank account is easy

there's youtube tutorials for everything. how to install your washing machine, how to use tools, fixing stuff around the place. channels like dad, how do i? are a godsend

change energy provider as soon as your old deal runs out. you'll get better offers elsewhere and avoid price gouging

assemble a basic first aid kid at home: painkillers, probiotics, alcohol wipes, bandages, tweezers, antihistamine tablets - anything you might need in a pinch

and an emergency toolkit: flashlight, extra batteries, a utility knife, an adjustable wrench, multi-tool, duct tape

set your fridge to the lowest temperature it can go. the energy consumption is minimal in difference and it'll give you +4/7 days on most foods

off-brand products are almost always the same in quality and taste, if not better, for half the price

coupons will save you a lot of money in the long run

there's no reason to be shy around employees at the bank/laundromat/store; most people will be happy to help

vegetarian diets are generally cheap if you make food from scratch

breakfast is as important as they say

keep track of your budget in a notebook or excel file - e.g. rent, phone and internet bills, food, leisure so you'll have an overlook on your spending over the months

don't gamble

piracy is okay

stealing from big stores and chains is also ethically okay

keep medical bills and pharmacy receipts for tax returns

also, file your tax returns early

take up a hobby that isn't in front of a screen. pottery, music, going for a run every now and then, stuff that'll keep you busy and sane

and most importantly... you're allowed to get the stuff you want. treat yourself to the occasional mundane thing. a good scented candle. a bath bomb. that body lotion that makes you feel like royalty. the good coffee beans.

you're free and you deserve to be happy.

#going from being denied basic knowledge to becoming independent over night was wild lmao #but here i am #four years later #doing pretty good #hera screams into the void #moving out #abusive parents

[smolphrog-littlebrain]

Kids on the internet now a days are literally wild.. like when I was 12 and on the internet, i was lying out my asshole I was telling people about my kids and my wife. I was talking to them about taxes and how I miss my college days.....now 12 year Olds are out here telling their AGE?!?! OR REAL NAME?!??! I was literally fucking Garry that worked at staples and had 2 children for like 4 years...

#i have so many storys from garry and his family its ridiculous #like where are your parents?!? #Someone get ur child OFF HERE

[fakevariety]

oh god these ones are much more obvious than the last ones i'm gonna have to work harder to hide them

#from parents

[gayestcowboy]

this might be a hot take but i think we should still be required to wear masks on airplanes

#my parents got covid for the first time from flying back in february :/ #i still haven’t gotten it but i fly a lot and i flew today and there was barely anyone masked #covid hasn’t stopped happening lol #yeehaws

[alfheimr]

the L in law stands for LOVED...its his birthday:)

#one piece #trafalgar law #i. i admit i dont know how to tag his family given his parents dont have names #trafalgar lami #donquixote rosinante #bepo #shachi #penguin #heart pirates #does anyone else get embarrassed tagging a bunch of characters at once. well anyway #the first one is pulled from my personal childhood experiences exploring tidepools in the pnw. theyre cold!!!!!!!

[something-in-the-seas]

Tyre Nichol’s mother has set up a memorial fund to help pay for mental health services for his family and a memorial skate park in his name. If you cannot donate, please share.

#tyre nichols #rest in power #blm #his parents are unable to take time off from work due to not having unlimited pto #and he has a very young son #please consider donating #tw: graphic imagery #for the link there is a graphic image

[crippledanarchy]

When you call "influencers" what they are, freelance marketers, it makes the phrase "mommy/family influencer" sound just as dark as it is in reality.

They are using their children to sell you things. Some of these people intentionally have children solely in order to use them as marketing devices.

They aren't harmless or wholesome. They are expanding and normalizing new and different forms of familial abuse to a worldwide audience

#did we learn nothing from jon and kate plus eight?? #like watching someone use a tv show to turn her children against their other parent #and then institutionalized and completely abandonded a child for being inconvenient #but no. we had to bring it back en masse

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[glow-in-the-dark-death]

Ghosts Tell Me

~

Ghosts gather near the place where something bad is going to happen,

Danny with his ghost sense tends to notice before anyone else and tends to react outwardly before the danger even happens, gaining a reputation of seeing the future,

Ghosts also tell Danny things, causing Danny to know more about situations and the people around him, it comes of as suspicious.

~

Danny pulling away a snack from his coworker: "Careful your allergic to these ingredients!"

Coworker: "How the hell...I've never mentioned that to anyone."

~

Danny on a phone call with his friends while doing his nightly walks in Gotham: "Yeah so apparently the second Robin who is now Red Hood has very personal beef with the clown here cuz he got killed by him after being sold out by his bio mom, which really sucks for the poor guy."

Oracle who has been keeping an Eye on Danny cuz he's very suspicious from an outsiders pov: "Hey B, I think we have a problem."

~

Danny notices that the ghost in Gotham tends to gather where something bad is going to happen, the more they are the worse the situation will be: *glowing smoke leaves from his mouth* "Yikes! Very bad vibes here, nope!"

Gothamites who at this point recognize him and know the drill and quickly pack up their things to leave:

~

Just an Idea

#Danny is getting all the good gossip from the ghosts #Gothamites after seeing Danny breathe out glowing smoke #“Ok wrap it up” #“Not dying today” #Oracle can't hack Danny's phone and that just makes him look worse #ghost parents telling Danny to go smack their kids cuz they've been “acting out” #Danny then proceeds to smack villains and their goons #only saying “your parent *insert name* sent me!” #“now behave” #dp x dc #danny phantom #dpxdc #dc x dp #batman #danny fenton #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp crossover

[nerdpoe]

Danny needs a few...odd things. A few dietary and emotional requirements unique to his physiology. Meat is one of them.

But like, raw meat. He doesn't have to eat it often, maybe twice a month, but it does need to be completely raw.

He also needs to eat non-sentient blob ghosts, which are very different from sentient ones. Same amount, maybe twice a month.

He's weak to hot temperatures, where most humans require some sort of positive contact he needs to fight, if he gets too much sunlight his dopamine levels drop, and oddly enough as he got older milk or products with a lot of milk started to affect him like alcohol affects humans.

Now that he's made it to college, hiding most of these things is easy enough.

He chose Gotham, because of minimal sunny days and naturally cold weather. He regularly goes for walks at night, to fill his need for fighting. He says he has a milk allergy, and avoids milk products.

The blobs and the raw meat are a little uh. Those are a little hard.

He's taken to ducking into a bathroom stall to just swallow the blobs whole. But the meat...

He decides to sear the outside and leave the inside entirely raw. Does this detract from the nutrients by cooking them off? Yes. Does it mean he needs to eat raw meat four times a month instead of twice? Yes. Does it mostly hide that he's doing this in front of humans? Kind of.

Until he got a vegan roommate.

Said roommate is far too sharp-eyed for his own good, and now the guy is being weird.

Or: Damian's roommate is a meta who clearly has dietary restrictions outside the norm. It's fine; Damian understands that like animals in the wild, people have different diets. But the cuts of meat Fenton is eating are...subpar. Damian isn't sure how to be...civil, or appear polite, or not be a "snob" if he suggests Fenton allow him to procure farm fresh cuts of steak from cows raised in an open pasture and were well taken care of.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #phanfic #story prompt #affect vs effect #i still have problems telling the difference #damians breaking point is when danny uses a toaster to lightly toast the outside of the meat and can't understand what's wrong #goes and calls jon and just #“have your parents recently hosted a slaughter? have any of their neighbors? jon please” #cuz the meat is like offbrand gotham walmart meat #kinda grayish and def not healthy for fenton #he has taken care of many animals and he can force fenton to eat healthy #in the realms frostbite feels a surge of satisfaction #he has no idea where it came from

[akanemnon]

Sorry, Noelle... They're a little slow on the uptake.

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

#deltarune #undertale #crossover #crossover comic #utdr #deltarune fanart #undertale fanart #twin runes #twin runes comic #my art #kris dreemurr #frisk #deltarune susie #noelle holiday #aside from getting a glimpse into what kris does on a regular basis #now we know that both their parents are prrrrooooobably stuck in that dark world #something tells me toriel might get suspicious #if anyone gets the schedule reference I'll be hella proud #the bitten phone case makes a triumphant return #come on... it was too good not to keep even if the school project mini series isn't canon

[talisidekick]

If a transgender person asks you to deadname and misgender them in front of certain people. Misgender them and deadname them in front of those people. It doesn't matter how icky or gross it may feel, it doesn't matter you'd rather be honest. It doesn't matter if there's more of you there. Certain people aren't safe, and honesty IS NOT the best policy when honesty could put them at serious risk. It doesn't matter if there's a crowd, because when there isn't shit goes down.

Be an ally, do what they ask. Understand that the trans person knows more about their situation than you do, and this includes who's safe and who's not. Some one can be "trans friendly" to other people, but not to people they know or specific people. Do as the trans person asks, yes it's uncomfortable, but it's 10 times worse if the person we don't trust finds out. 100 times worse if they have access to us when you're not around.

Respect trans peoples safety. Misgender and deadname when asked.

#trans #transgender #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #2slgbtqia+ #lgbt #transfem #transmasc #transneutral #there is a post about this on my blog but it reminded me of my own situation #my whole family knows I'm out and I didn't want them to #my entire extremely christian catholic and mormon extended family knows because I let my sister tell my parents because we weren't talking #now I live in constant damn fear I'm going to get a message forwarded from family to the point I blocked my own parents #these are dangerous people who will stop at nothing to ruin my life if they find me so I'm going to ask I get deadnamed and misgendered #in front of them #i'm going to lie that it's a joke so I can live my life in relative peace.

[lazylittledragon]

do you have an in-depth background for Dorian? I loved the comic with his family members, and it made me wonder about his entire life story!! what is his relationship with his siblings!!! why did he start adventuring!!! dorian is not my bg3 character but I love him as a son

he comes from a huge family of wood elf rangers and he was. a handful

also the whole adventuring thing was a complete accident

he was just walking home and got zapped by the nautiloid

#art #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #tav #he is our collective son #i think he’s very very close to all his sisters but especially the oldest because there’s 12 years between them #so she was sort of a third parent? not in a bad way though #i always figured he was one of the civilians taken from baldur’s gate in the opening cutscene #he really wasn’t supposed to be an adventurer he’s literally just some guy

[raziraphale]

Tag your age if you wanna bc I was just thinking about how I have used floppy disks before (I'm 25 and used them in elementary computer lab) but my 22 y.o. brother hasn't which is so weird to me like 3 years isn't a long time at all to me

#I'm wondering if im an outlier in the 25 year old demographic bc i remember bringing my floppy disk home from 2nd grade #and my dad laughing and being like our computer doesn't even have a drive for it anymore #like we didn't HAVE to use them at home bc obviously not everyone had a home computer #but it was a kind of 'if you have a computer bring this to your parents and they can demonstrate how it works!' #'look how you can take your files home isn't tech amazing!' #but i just learned that the school had old computers lol #polls #reilly.txt