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#friends i am gonna die furious about this

neuroticbookworm · 7 months

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I gotta sleep on this finale and coalesce my thoughts, but this episode went to the greatest lengths to have each and every one of the characters tell Boston that he should "improve" himself. That his current character is not palatable to anyone -- his "friends", his boyfriend.

Boston was ostracized, isolated and berated to the point that it completely shattered his sense of self. He went from this

To this

This is where the show left him -- alone, dejected, and questioning every single part of identity. And I am raging mad about this.

#friends i am gonna die furious about this #boston deserved better!#the show had every one of those bitches dunk on boston #i had to watch fucking mew ray and cheum step on boston's back to get on their fucking high horses #what the fuck was even that???#only friends the series #only friends meta #ofts #ofts meta #bostonnick #only friends boston #neo trai #jojo tichakorn

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mellifiedprincess · 11 months

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Ethan Landry x Reader

Vero Amore

The air was a cool welcome against your skin, as you walked back to your apartment after class. The sun had set about an hour ago, bidding the moon a good night as it sets to rest until the morning.

You felt so at peace when nights were like this. The usually busy streets of New York are quiet, everything just felt so calm. You had even forgotten about how embarrassed you felt in front of Ethan earlier that day.

You were gathered around with your friends, listening to Mindy rant on about movie franchises and what to expect with the new ghostface attacks, when you hear Ethan speak.

“Am I gonna die a virgin?” The question falls from Ethan’s lips without a care in the world. Everyone looks at him, all with disgusted looks. You were more than confused though. There was no way Ethan Landry was a virgin.

Sure, he was sorta dorky, but that’s what made him so goddamn charming to you. And you knew he wasn’t really that good at flirting with anyone, but still, he was definitely fuckable.

“You good Y/N/N?” You didn’t realize you were staring with your mouth open in shock, until Mindys question woke you from your daze. Everyone’s eyes move from Ethan to you, and a light blush appears on your face. “Yeah?” It came out as more of a question than an answer, and you look back at Ethan to find a knowingly teasing smirk on his face, which makes you quickly divert your eyes back to the ground.

He’s always known about your small crush on him, and he thought that’s just what it was, a small crush. Which is why you two weren’t together. Yet. But it was much more than that to you. You were basically in love with the clueless boy.

He obviously had those same strong feelings for you too. This is fan fiction after all.

You try focusing back on what Mindy was ranting about just moments ago, but you just couldn’t. The new information you just learned plaguing your thoughts.

“Are we done here? I think Y/N wants to make sure Ethan doesn’t die a virgin.” Tara’s joking words sends another furious red to your cheeks, and Ethan’s face matches yours. “Tara!” You couldn’t believe she said that. You tried to hide your embarrassed expression in your hands, and the fact you can still feel his eyes on you was not helping.

“Um I just remembered that I totally have something to do. So, I’ll see you guys later. Ya know, if i haven’t offed myself from total embarrassment.” You quickly gather your things, trying to make a hasty exit. You could still feel his eyes on you, making you walk just a bit faster. You were relieved that no one followed you to make sure you were okay.

Ethan wanted to though.

A small smile graced yo ur lips as you thought about said boy, wondering what he was doing tonight.

And as if he knew you were thinking about him, you look at your phone as it starts ringing. His contact photo appearing on your screen. It was one Anika took months ago, Ethan looking down at you laughing, while his hands squish your cheeks together. It was adorable to say the least.

“Hey, E! What’s up?”

“Hey, I um-“ There’s a pause, Ethan trying to gather his thoughts. “I- Do you want to come over? Maybe watch a movie with me?” The smile on your face speaks for itself. “I would love to. I’ll grab a pizza on my way over, I just left class, so just give me like 20 minutes.”

“Wait, are you walking alone?” You can hear the concern in his voice, making butterflies form in your tummy. “Yeah, most nights I do. I don’t want to make anyone have to wait up for me, ya know? Especially with ghostface back.”

“That’s exactly why someone should be walking with you, sweetheart. How about I meet you at the pizza place, I assume you’re going to Rosie’s.” If you smile any bigger, your cheeks are gonna start aching. “How did you know that’s where I was going?” He can hear a hint of teasing laced in your voice, making him smile. “I know all of your favorite spots, Y/N.” You almost pass away at the sincerity in his voice.

“Careful there E, I may fall in love with you.”

“I wouldn’t mind that at all. Matter of fact, I even know all of your favorite songs.”

Ugh this boy.

“We’ll now you’ve done it! I’m hopelessly in love with you.” You can feel his smile through the phone.

“Alright, I’m on my way. But you better call me back if you start getting scared.” You lightly giggle at that. “You gonna be my knight in cardboard armour?”

“Don’t you know I would fight Rosie herself, if I needed to, only for you.”

“Rosie is 73 years old Ethan!” “Guess she won’t be making it to 74, if she messes with you.” You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “Let me get the recipe to her cannolis first. I happen to know a certain boy that loves them. I would imagine him being pretty devastated if he could never have one again.” Of course you were talking about him.

You didn’t even realize you had made it to the pizza place either, until you see the familiar head of curls walking towards you.

“I gotta go now, there’s a really beautiful girl who just confessed her love for me, waiting for me at her favorite pizza place.”

“Lucky girl.” You hang up after that, your smile only growing bigger as Ethan stands in front of you. He reaches to grab your school bag from you, something he’s always done since he’s known you. It was such a small gesture that had become second nature to him, he didn’t even think anything of it, but it still meant so much to you.

You step into the small restaurant, as Ethan holds the door open for you, and you immediately spot the older woman. “Y/N! How have you been my darling? And who do you have with you today?”

“Hi Rosie. This is my friend Ethan.” A knowing look crossed Rosie’s face and she tries to hide her smile, but fails. “Is this the boy you’ve been telling me about? Loves my cannolis?”

“You’ve been telling Rosie about me?” The blush that rushes to your cheeks could rival your blush from earlier that day. “What? No way! Rosie is actually diagnosed with dementia, so she gets a bit confused sometimes.” Rosie takes the hand towel thrown over her shoulder and lightly smacks you with it. “Now, don’t go fibbing on me.” She still has the same knowing look on her face, as she makes her way back around the counter.

“Y/N here talks about you all the time, dear. She talks more about you than she talks about anything else. Says you’re a good boy, smart too.” You think you may take Ethan up on his offer to fight Rosie.

“Huh, isn’t that nice of her.” Ethan looks down at you with a teasing smile.

“Shut up!” You cross your arms over your chest, wishing the ground would open up and swallow you whole.

“It’s okay! I talk about you to literally anyone that will listen.” “Really?” He reaches to grab your hand, squeezing it gently. “Really. Just ask Chad, he’s the one who gave me the confidence to ask if you wanted to watch a movie with me.”

There’s a pregnant pause. No way are you two confessing to each other in Rosie’s Pizzeria.

“You like me back?” You ask with an unsure tone.

“Oh, I don’t just like you. I’m so in love with you, it’s concerning.”

You giggle, feeling like you’re on cloud 9.

“I’m in love with you too, E. If you didn’t know that already.”

You both stare at each other for a few seconds, just basking in each others words.

“KISS ALREADY! I’m not getting any younger here, kids.” Rosie shouts from her place behind the counter and you both laugh at the woman.

“Yes ma’am.” Ethan replies, before gripping your chin and he leans down, placing the softest and sweetest kiss to your lips.

“Vero amore.” Rosie whispers softly to herself.

#ethan landry x reader #ethan landry #jack champion #jack champion x reader #scream vi #fluff

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luesmainblog · 7 months

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for those wondering why i have been mostly quiet regarding israel and palestine: most of the pro-palestine stuff i come across is dismissive of hamas' horrors, blatantly antisemetic in parts, and generally conflates the israeli population with their government. or worse, treats them as a monolith; it is true that there are many israelis mocking the people their soldiers are destroying. it is NOT true that all of israel doesn't care and is just totally cool with what's going on. i will share what i find of israel's atrocities, but i will not make my jewish followers feel unsafe for shit they had nothing to do with. most of the stuff i've seen that *does* acknowledge the horror is jewish bloggers who have spent much of their life advocating for palestine, now having to struggle against antisemetics coming to them, furious that they DARE to be upset at the lost israeli lives. as though they are not allowed to mourn for both sides. as though they are not allowed to be horrified by what has happened; that they can ONLY be worried for palestine and how the attack was the perfect excuse for israel to double down. i refuse to send even more hatred their way by spreading their grief further into the void; you never know Exactly who's following your follower's followers. i am glad, at least, that nobody i follow was outright celebrating. but i know that people WERE, and now they're trying to act like that never happened. so incase this wasn't clear, cheering on the deaths of Israelis does not fucking help palestine.

I am truly disgusted with the blatant racism and colonialism that manifests israel's very core. it is an attempt at a violent ethnostate, intent to not only destroy the people it seeks to replace, but fully erase them from history. i am also disgusted with the way that the left is happy to celebrate genuine terrorism if it's committed "for the right side", as if parading dead bodies and raping people does fucking ANYTHING good. as if that doesn't fuel the israeli government's chances for propoganda. as if it hasn't traumatized your jewish neighbors. there are no fucking winners in war. free palestine and protect your muslim AND jewish friends in this time, they are BOTH getting their shit kicked in by ignorant people who want to take out their anger on some random kid in ohio. we are all posting in anger here. but let's check ourselves before we post; misinformation and antisemitism weakens our voices. Edit for clarity: this post is for my mutuals. I am specifically asking my mutuals to think carefully about what they post; i am aware that i've been too quiet, and i am trying to remedy that. i am also warning my jewish and muslim followers that if you've been using my blog as a safe spot to not think about it for a little bit, you're gonna wanna block the tags below. 'horrible things' will usually do it. i am also venting about how every jew i follow is getting hit with the "die you stupid zionist" shit from coward anons who can't tell the difference between supporting israel and just being fucking concerned for your family over there. it's fucked.

#palestine #israel #nsfc #real death #genocide #rape #horrible things #i'm glad everyone's so concerned but can you PLEASE check yourself for antisemetism here #neither side is a monolith. israel is clearly the one in the wrong here but israelis are not all collectively guilty.#let's not forget some people were born into this cult and fed propoganda to keep them from the truth.#i will continue to post blatant information. i will also continue to TAG THEM and post silly memes and cats as well.#frankly i think our jewish and muslim followers deserve a fucking break here and there. don't you?#rants #edit: if you read this post and somehow got NEUTRALITY out of it i am seriously questioning your critical reading skills.#and if my post doesn't reflect your experience THAT IS PROBABLY A GOOD THING. I AM GLAD YOU'RE NOT SEEING THE SHIT I AM.#i am a LITTLE wired from seeing the shit getting fired at my very pro-palestine jews right now.

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saltygilmores · 6 months

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THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: APPLICATION ANXIETY (SEASON 3, EPISODE 3, PART 3)

Luke marches next door to confront Taylor about his malt shop scheme. I love Luke giving Taylor a good smack down. This episode is so chock full of verbal smack downs, I'm positively giddy.

He's not wrong you know. I fully believe there is a dark side to The Hollow. I wish to one day explore it in my unrated spinoff chock full of swearing and gritty realism and Naked Adult Jess titled...The Hollow.

How creepy is it that Taylor has surveillance cameras all over town? Also, I think I can be forgiven for wrongly assuming Taylor was going to show Luke a picture of Jess. He's chosen to use a couple of skateboarders as an example of moral decay in Stars Hollow when Jess and Shane were macking it against a tree in front of hundreds of people in broad daylight at a festival HE was overseeing. That's funny. I’m glad Taylor decided to leave Jess alone and turn a blind eye to the furious public groping. I'm thinking since Jess could use a couple of friends he should introduce himself to these skateboarders. I think he would fit in nicely. "You want to open up a soda shop next to the diner? Taylor, no, no, no. Every day from now until the end of my life, I am going to come in here saying "Taylor, no." When I die, I'm gonna be frozen next to Ted Williams, and when they find the cure to what I died of and unfreeze me, my first words will be "How's Ted?" followed closely by, "Taylor, no." Another glorious Nuclear Rant! Hey, I actually understood that Ted Williams reference! Umm. Let me have this article unpack it because this post is going to go wildly off script if I attempt to do it myself. Ted Williams' decapitated head was cryonically preserved in a Frankenstein-like plan to resurrect him in the future

Here's what Lorelai is reading (the magazine is dated August 23-30, 2002).

Lorelai informs Rory that she met with Charleston and he suggested Rory meet with a Harvard graduate for an alumni dinner...Aw crud, I remember that. That whole thing where Rory goes to a very awkward dinner with a bunch of intellectual dorks then she goes upstairs to find some girl putting on a bunny costume, and then the bunny gives her life advice about being yourself and not following the crowd or something.

Hey Dave.

Stop it AmyShermanPalladino. Just stop it. *grumbles and googles* Danny Davies Gans (October 25, 1956 – May 1, 2009) was an American singer, comedian and vocal impressionist. Gans was a performer on the Las Vegas Strip and the surrounding area, where he was billed as "The Man of Many Voices." This was in reference to Lorelai impersonating Rory's voice on the phone.

And now, time for the alumni dinner.

She has a digital organizer. That's how we're supposed to know she's really rich.

Lorelai makes a joke about how she thinks the brother and sister in the family are having sex with each other. Welp. At dinner with the Harvard Dorks, Rory and Lorelai exchange looks when the father implores his supposedly incestuous children not to "Fight over the breast." What is happening? Mom and Dad won't talk about Carol (the bunny). The dad is kinda Richard-Esque. The next several minutes is just an excrutiangly long game of Harvard Dork Family Playing Trivia at the dinner table and would you look at that, Lorelai feels like a fish out of the water for not understanding anything they're referencing. HA, HA! NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS!

Look at all the kooky crap on the walls. It looks like a TGI Friday's. And she's dressed as a 50's car hop. We already know this girl (Carol) is going to be so quirky. Rory thinks this chick is pretty keen and appreciates her taste in music. Spoiler alert: Rory does not make a new friend. Bunny Carol is Fun and Cute and Quirky and Not Like Other Girls and she intends to make it known that Rory is nothing more than a Harvard Sheep. Baaaa.

If only Rory could be a bunny/waitress like Carol and not stuck on The conveyor belt of Expectations, then she'd truly be happy. Well, who knows, since the journalism degree obviously didn't pan out, maybe at one point she did. There's a big hole in the Gilmore Girls timeline between 2007-2016. LOL @ Rory waiting tables or entertaining children for a living. Even April waited tables at Luke’s and she was like, 12 or something. I don’t remember. Anyway I made myself laugh just now. Rory: I've dreamt of Harvard since I was 4. Bunny Carol: LOL, a lot of little kids dream about that, right after meeting Harry Potter. This bunny is downright vicious.

Getting screen shots of that giant pencil to make jokes about how Rory is always holding oversized props that are vaguely penis-like is the only reason I ever venture into season 7.

I swear there was a fourth penis prop because I referenced that pencil not long ago and can’t find it now.

Take that, Crusty!

Sure, Lorelai is easy to please. Unless you date someone she doesn’t like, or you talk to your grandparents, or you invite your grandparents to a thing, or you take the advice of your grandparents, or you conspire with your grandparents to help your mother financially, or you consider a college that your grandparents suggest, or you consider other colleges besides the best ones, or your quarter on a string goes missing, or your friend gets you into a car accident, or you break up with Dean and suddenly there’s no one around to pleasure her sexually anymore… Otherwise Lorelai is super chill.

Things googled while watching gilmore girls: Ted Williams, Entertainment Weekly Gangs of New York, Danny Gans, How Much Did A PalmPilot Cost, Could A Palm Pilot Make Calls, Inflation Calculator (to calculate the price of a Palm Pilot in today's money, which could be between $400-$700)

#gilmore girls #denise rewatches gilmore girls #gilmore girls season 3 #application anxiety #rory gilmore #lorelai gilmore #luke danes #taylor doose #Luke Vs Taylor Verbal Smackdown

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happilykrispypirate · 2 years

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Impossible (Ch. 5)

Pairings: Mattheo Riddle x fem!Soulmate!Potter!reader.

Warnings: Swearing, some angst, mention of death and my shitty writing.

Summary: Mattheo and the reader are made for each other, literally. In a world where soulmates are connected through physical and emotional pain and a tattoo on the back of their left wrist, Mattheo and the reader must struggle to find a way to cope with the fact that their soulmate is on the opposing team.

Taglist:

@abaker74 @evycloudberry

"I can't believe now we have to sit around and just wait for Harry and Dumbledore to get back," Ron complains and throws his head back.

"We're keeping watch, Ronald," I said rolling my eyes.

We were all stuck in Dumbledore's office, waiting for Harry and Dumbledore to come back from fetching one of the Horcruxes.

"You guys can always walk around?" Mattheo said, "Y/n and I will stay up here."

Ron and Hermione left, leaving me and Mattheo alone. I know he wanted to ask about the Prophecy. Dumbledore mentioned it briefly when he went over the plan earlier.

"I know you want to ask me," I spoke up and turned to him.

"What is the Prophecy?" He asked.

"And either must die at the other, for neither can live while the other survives," I sighed.

I thought that he of all people would know it by now. That maybe his father formed a plan or something.

"What does it mean?" He asked.

"One of us, has to die. So either my brother and I have to die or he has to die. Atleast that's what I think," I said, I turned to him and saw that he had tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Oh love," I said making my way over to him and wrapping my arms around him. His arms wrapped around me, afraid to let me go.

"My father is a powerful man, what if he succeeds? You'll be dead, we won't even have gotten married yet or had kids. We won't be able to grow old together like we wanted," He said his voice cracking.

"I cannot promise you anything, but I can promise you that I'll try my hardest to succeed," I said looking up at him and wiping his tears away.

The next few moments happened all too fast. One moment I was still in Mattheo's arms and the next I was standing behind him with Voldemort in front of us.

"What are you doing here? If Dumbledore-"

"Dumbledore's dead," My heart dropped when he said that, "Come now, Mattheo, leave her. She's nothing but a distraction and she will stop you from achieving our goal."

"No, I am not leaving her," Mattheo said.

I expected Voldemort to lash out and be furious, but he was calm, that scared me a lot more, "You will regret this, Mattheo," He said before he aparated away.

Mattheo and I rushed to the courtyard and saw all the student there, standing around Dumbledore's body. Their wands were raised into the air. Mattheo took my hand and together we raised our wands.

"Mattheo, have you decided where you're staying yet?" Theo asked as we all sat in the common room a few days after Dumbledore's death.

We were all still pretty shaken up. After Dumbledore's death, everyone in our friend group got a letter telling them that it was better if they just stayed with other relatives during the summer.

They were all supposed to get their marks during the summer but after their parents found out who they had been hanging out with, they decided that it was best that they stay away, they were worried for their children's lives.

"No, you?" Mattheo asked.

"Nope, I was planning on going to my family in Italy, but they don't want me there," He said.

"Why don't you guys come and stay with me?" I said and they all looked at me like I was crazy.

"Uh love," Mattheo said and I looked at him, "Are you mad? They won't allow us to be there."

"My brother won't, everyone else will. They already know about me and Mattheo, Sirius is super keen to meet him, remember he's my godfather and he is super over protective. I'm not even gonna start on the twins and the rest of Weasleys. Also I have pictures of me and all of you on my wall all the from year 1, so they already know. The only person who didn't know is Hatry because he refused to go into my room," I said and they all looked at each other, waiting for someone to speak up.

"I'll come," Mattheo said, "I just don't know how I'm going to keep myself together when I see your brother. I might finish the job that my father couldn't."

"I'll join you, he'll be dead before he walks off the train," Pansy said and I chuckled.

"I'll come aswell," Theo said.

"Me too," Enzo said.

"We can't," Draco said referring to him and Blaise.

"Right, I forgot you two already got your marks," I said, how could I forget? " Well if things get to much, you two can always come, you're welcome anytime."

During the train ride, I could tell that everyone was nervous. Mattheo was especially nervous, he was going to meet my godfathers, the people who basically raised me.

When the train stopped and we got off, Mattheo grabbed my hand. I gave it a reassuring squeeze before we all started walking to where Sirius and Remus were waiting.

"Sirius," I smiled as I let go of Mattheo's hand and hugged him. I hugged Remus as well before I turned to Mattheo and the rest.

"These are my friends," I said gesturing to Pansy, Enzo and Theo and then I intertwined my fingers with Mattheo's, "This is Mattheo."

Sirius walked over to Mattheo and tried to look intimidating, but Mattheo was taller thsn him.

"Sirius, you're not at all intimidating," Remus said.

"You always have to ruin everything, don't you Remus?" Sirius said rolling his eyes before look at Mattheo holding his hand out, "Pleasure to meet you, Mattheo. I'm Sirius Black, no need for sir or Mr Black. Just Sirius."

"Pleasure to meet you too, Sirius," Mattheo said shaking his hand.

I'm guessing that Dumbledore told Sirius about the Harry incident because when we got home Sirius took Harry into his office and you could hear Sirius yelling at Harry all the way from the other side of the house.

Mattheo was allowed to sleep in my room, Pansy and others all got their own rooms. The place was big so it could happen.

That night Mattheo held me while stroking my hair softly, "I can get used to this," He said causing me to smile.

"Me too," I said, "Just think in a few years we'll be in our own house all alone."

"You're belly is going to be swollen big by then," He said and I chuckled.

"Slow down, we have to get married before that happens," I said.

Mattheo was silent for a few moments before he spoke up again, "Let's get married then," He said and I laughed.

"Matt, I'm only 16, I'm not getting pregnant now," I said still laughing.

"Of course not, but I'm serious," He said and I stopped laughing, "Let's get married."

I sat up looking at him, "You're serious?"

"Love, we don't know what's going to happen," He said, "What if you die? Or me? What if I die?"

"Don't talk like that," I said and he now sat up taking my hands in his.

"I'm serious," Mattheo said, "Let's get married. Do one crazy and reckless thing before something happens and then we'll never get the chance."

I sighed as I looked into his eyes. I can't believe him. Fucking idiot.

"You fucking idiot, what the hell?" I groaned and laid back on the bed, his eyes widened at my words, "Twisting my fucking arm, now I have to get a new dress."

Mattheo sighed in relief before he leaned down and kissed me, "I love you," He said.

"I love you too, you fucking idiot."

#mattheo riddle #mattheoxreader #mattheoriddle #mattheo #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheoriddlefluff #mattheo riddle x fem reader #mattheoriddlexreader #x reader #draco x reader #harry potter #reader insert #x fem reader #draco malfoy x reader #lorenzo berkshire x reader #riddle #riddle x reader

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babymetaldoll · 1 year

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Baby, I'm yours - Chapter three: "To die by your side"

Summary: The team is doing its best to find Emily. Spencer is struggling with the fear of losing his friend and the thought of not being enough to keep his girlfriend safe.

Word count: 11,5K

Warnings: Lots of angst, Criminal Mind classic and painful canon, smut, mention of drug addiction and drug use.

'A/N: Hey guys!! Thank you for reading! And sorry for the angst! Tumblr didn't show last week's chapter in the tags 😔 I don't know why. Remember feedback is more than welcome if you are enjoying this story: Like, reblog and comment if you can.

Next update: February 1st

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel Masterlist

Previous chapter | Next chapter

(Y/N)’s point of view

I was having an awful flashback. I was again outside Tobias Hankel’s house and Morgan was telling me Spencer was nowhere to be seen. It was the same feeling of fear and panic that didn’t let me think straight all those years ago, and that ended up making me yell at JJ.

The fear of losing someone you love can be the fuel you need to bring them back or a paralyzing energy that restrains each and every one of your thoughts and movements. At that minute, it was the second.

I walked to Penelope’s office to tell her we were ready to take off to Boston and didn’t even knock on the door. She was talking on the phone with someone, and soon I realized she was leaving voicemails in every phone number that had ever belonged to Prentiss.

- “Hey, it's me. Hotch asked me to try all your numbers, and I have this as an old listing, and you probably don't even use it anymore, but if it is you and you're out there, come home, please. God, Emily, what did you think, that we would just let you walk out of our lives? I am so furious at you right now! Then I think about how scared you must be, how you're in some dark place all alone. But you're not alone, ok? You are not alone. We are in that dark place with you. We are waving flashlights and calling your name. So if you can see us, come home. If you can't, then..”- I rested my head on her shoulder as I heard her sobbing- “Then you stay alive. 'Cause, we're coming!”

- “We love you, Emily! We are your family”- I added and broke into tears as well. Garcia hugged me and we cried for a few minutes. I needed to let it all out before I put on my BAU profiler mask and hid every feeling I had.

- “We are gonna bring her home, and we are gonna get so wasted!”- I whispered and chuckled between sobs

- “Oh, we are gonna get so drunk after this!”- Garcia agreed and wiped off her tears- “Let’s save our friend, munchkin.”

We were on a plane to Boston. Emily had been captured by Doyle, Garcia had shown us the footage and for a second, we all thought the worst. Also, the police had detained Clyde Easter in that city and we needed to talk to him as soon as possible. He had to give us some more info about Doyle and his relationship with Prentiss. Anything that could help us find them.

- “Emily walked into a trap. It looks like Doyle got into the SUV, but from this angle, you can see that he didn't. Which I wished Boston PD would have told me before I started watching it. Sorry again for the screaming.”

Penelope showed us again the footage of the incident, and we analyzed it frame by frame.

- “She threw a flash-bang grenade into a car. She's lucky the 3 people inside didn't die. Is anybody else bothered by that?”- Morgan was clearly upset, he had been angry for the last 10 hours, after Prentiss’ disappearance. I had been upset when we discovered she had slept with Doyle, but at that point, I just wanted to bring my friend safe. I didn’t care what she had done.

- “Well, three bad guys.”- Rossi gave him a sarcastic remark and shook his head.

- “Illegal as it is, I think Prentiss knows she has to be as ruthless as Doyle.”- Hotch pointed out and I nodded in support as I sipped my tea.

- “He's come to the US to wage a public vendetta and hired a group of mercenaries to remain loyal to him. He has nothing to lose, so she has to act the same way.”- Reid added with a voice that showed how deeply concerned he was. I wanted to hold his hands the entire time to show him I was there with him, but I knew I couldn’t at the time.

- “So how did Doyle know she was waiting for him?”- Rossi asked and JJ answered.

- “ Well, the mole must have told him, right? The same guy who's been feeding Doyle the contractors and agents?”

- “And our best suspect was just arrested with a suitcase full of cash. How do we get Easter to talk? He won't cooperate willingly.”- Seaver questioned and I knew Hoth was going to handle the asshole himself.

- “I'll handle that. The rest of you focus on Doyle's location.”

- “I hate to be the one to ask this, but how long does Emily have?”- Garcia’s question was in fact the same we all shared, but no one had spoken about it in fear of the truth. Hotch’s voice was soft and kind as he explained the situation in the most positive way possible.

- “Her best chance is also the most troubling. Doyle saved her for last because he views her as his stressor. Which means he'll take his time.”

We all looked down and stayed in silence for most of what was left of the trip.

The Boston police station felt like a prison. I wanted to get out of there and find Emily. I knew walking around with no clue and no idea of what was happening would be useless, but waiting felt like torture. I just hoped Em wasn’t going through torture herself.

- “Get your hands off me! Do you know who I am? I'm the man!”- Hotch and I turned to see the man walking in cuffs to the station.

- “Who's that?”- I asked Rossi, who joined us with more info

- “Jack Fahey, Irish mob. He called Easter's cell phone 12 times in 6 hours.”

- “Any connection to Doyle?”- Hotch looked at Rossi as he waited for an affirmative answer.

- “Boston PD says he's low-level. But the Irish mob has long-standing ties to the IRA”- Rossi explained.

- “You two and Reid, see if you can get anything out of him.”- Hotch said and the three of us nodded before we started walking away.

I had questioned witnesses and suspects many times with Reid before. But never as a couple. I had wondered how that would be, but under those circumstances, I didn’t have much patience to play any kind of game.

- “Why were you calling Clyde Easter so much, Jack?”- Rossi asked right away, as we stood in front of Fahey, but he decided to ignore him.

- “Anybody got a smoke? How about you sweetheart?”- I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms on my chest, not saying a word back to him- “How about you, beanpole?”

- “What do you think?”- I asked my boyfriend as he made eye contact with Fahey and whispered his answer, making sure the suspect could hear us.

- “Narcissism masking deep-seated insecurity.”- Rossi and I nodded at his description.

- “So if we puncture his self-image, this hood rat will talk.”- David added, just to toy with him.

- “Hey, hey, hey, I ain't no hood rat. You take that back.”- Fahey freaked out immediately, as predicted.

- “Well, you look like one. You smell like one. You smell that?”- Rossi walked to Fahey as he spoke, and Spencer and I sniffed and answered at the same time.

- “Hood rat.”

- “I am not! Take it back!”- Fahey looked funny when he was mad, I give him that.

- “Hey, Jack. Do you know what a hood rat is?”- I walked over and stared at the suspect right in the eyes. He couldn't even answer my question, so I looked at Spencer and shook my head- “You see what I mean? He's just gonna have to learn the hard way.”

- “All right, all right, look, Clyde was gonna pay my medical bills, all right? This ear, it ain't growing back.”

- “What happened to it?”- Reid crossed his arms on his chest and looked at him with a severe glance.

- “This bitch teammate of his shot it. Said it was a warning. Thought she could take on this IRA big shit named Doyle. So I told these...!”- but the poor bastard couldn’t keep talking ‘cos Rosi kinda lost it. He squeezed his shot ear, making him cry and twist in pain on his chair. Blood came from the wound through the patch and soaked Rossi’s hand.

- “What the hell, man?! Jeez!”

- “Where's Prentiss?”- I shouted and hit the table, trying to get his attention.

- “Who? I don't know!”

- “Lauren Reynolds. Where is Lauren Reynolds?”- Spencer asked with the same urgency and somehow Fahey chuckled through the pain.

- “Oh. Friend of yours, is she?”- suddenly I realized we had lost our upper hand with him. And all just because of our feelings for Prentiss.

- “You tell us where she is right now, or I swear, I'll send you to a prison where they'll teach you what a hood rat is.”- Rossi threatened him, but it was too late, the bastard just chuckled.

- “And by the time you do, she'll be in pieces. So, uh... my price just went up.”

If he hadn’t been our only lead, I would have killed him right there and no one would have missed him. But we needed whichever piece of information the bastard could give us.

- “200,000?”- Seaver asked underneath, pretty shocked as we all stood at a side of the station. Fahey was sitting a few feet from us, waiting for our resolution.

- “What other leverage do we have?”- Hotch asked.

- “I just wanna beat the shit out of him until he speaks”- I confessed and sighed- “But I know it won’t take us very far, and there is not enough time.”

- “Is he an addict?”- Seaver asked, taking a second look at him.

- “He's having a nicotine fit. We wouldn't let him smoke.”- I explained and even cut her an evil grin.

- “We could use that. He’d relax, open his big mouth.”- Seaver suggested, and surprisingly it wasn’t a bad idea.

- “Is that enough?”- Hotch questioned and she cut him her sweetest smile.

- “Well, I'm pretty good with narcissists.”

- “Please don’t tell me, your dad was a serial killer and you know everything about narcissists”- the words slipped my lips, I couldn’t help it and I knew Hotch was gonna make me pay for it.

- “Well, I also dated a few.”- she answered and I sighed. We were going to go through Seaver’s plan. God help me.

For security reasons, we took Fahey to the rooftop. Hotch thought having two girls would help him feel more relaxed and so it was just me and Seaver with him. Well, if you ignore all the officials waiting for us at the door, including Spencer who insisted on keeping a close eye on what was happening.

- “You know when a cigarette is best? After sex with me.”- that bastard joked as he took a long drag of his cigarette, winking at Ashley.

- “Mind your manners, asshole.”- I commanded and kept my serious look on him. Clearly, I was the bad cop in that situation- “You're already extorting us for Prentiss’ location.”

- “So, just out of curiosity, what's it like working for Doyle?”- Seaver asked with a sweet tone of voice.

- “Eh, he's not so tough.”

- “Wow. I bet you're his hookup, aren't you? I mean, after all, you're the man.”

- “I could show you how much of a man I really am.”- I clenched my knuckles and took a step closer to Fahey, ready to smack those dirty answers out of him. But he raised his arms and took a step back.

- “All right, all right, all right, jeez. What's with the sexy good /sexy bad cop routine? What do you two think…”- a shot came from a window nearby, all of a sudden.

- “Down!”- I quickly wrapped my arms around Seaver and the two of us kneeled down as we heard a second gunshot and our only lead dropped dead right in front of us. Seaver started shaking, Fahey’s blood damping her white sweater. I kept my arms around her for a few more seconds, trying to comfort her as the police force surrounded us, working to find the killer.

- “Are you ok?”- I whispered and she just nodded.

- “(Y/N)!! (Y/N)!!”- Spencer showed up running and cupped my face in his hands- “Are you ok? are you hurt?”- I just shook my head and looked into his teary eyes, feeling like the most loved human on earth.

- “I’m ok, it’s ok honey. They got Fahey, we are ok. Right, Ashley?”- I rubbed my hand on her back and she nodded.

- “Yeah, but now we are back to square one”- she whispered, still shaky.

- “Come on”- Spencer helped us stand up and quickly walked us in.- “It’s not safe out here.”

After Spencer made sure I was safe, his fear of losing me (or any other member of the team under those circumstances) hitting hard for a moment, I grabbed a clean shirt from my go bag and walked to find Seaver. The poor kid was trying to wipe off the blood from her sweater with a napkin. It was sad. I knew without Prentiss, she didn’t have anyone close inside the team but Rossi. And I also knew it wouldn’t kill me to be nice to her for once.

- “That's not going to come out.”- I announced as I walked toward her.

- “Yeah, I know.”- I gave her my shirt and she looked at it in shock for a moment. Yeah, apparently it was that hard to believe that I could be nice and human with her- “Thanks.”

- “It’s ok. Actually, I needed to talk to you”

- “About…”- I don’t know what she wanted to say ‘cos I started talking before she could finish her idea.

- “Ashley, we have a problem. Without Fahey, there's not much left. We all want to save Prentiss so badly that we can't see this case straight.”

- “Ok. What do we do?”

- “Something that terrifies me: we depend on the team member with the freshest eyes.”- Seaver looked at me in shock and shook her head, honestly scared to carry such a burden on herself.

- “Oh, no. Not me, no.”

- “Believe me, this hurts me too. But the truth is you haven't worked with Prentiss for five years. You're unprejudiced.”- I sat next to her and maintained eye contact the entire time. I didn’t mean to make her nervous, I just needed her to focus.

- “Now, what's been bugging you since we left Quantico? How about the affair? That bugs me, you saw me, I yelled when I found out what had happened. Now tell me, how does the two of them sleeping together change Doyle's profile?”

- “I don't know.”- she mumbled, frustrated

- “Come on, Ashley. It's textbook!!”- I raised my voice ‘cos though I was trying to be nice at her, I was also aware we were running out of time to find Prentiss safe.

- “I haven't read every textbook! You always complain about that!!”- Ashley yelled back at me, so I moved closer to her and ket pushing her.

- “You want me to hold your hand? Fine! See? I'm holding your hand and giving you all my moral support. Now tell me, honestly: What doesn't fit? Just say it! What are you thinking? Spit it out!”

- “Why families?!”- she finally shouted and I nodded, excited pushing her had actually worked.

- “Keep going.”

- “Prentiss is Doyle's stressor. He wants revenge on the woman who betrayed him, and I understand that. But why kill that child in D. C.?”

- “Finally! You just gave me a reason to love the fact you are on the team.”- I hugged her and she widened her eyes- “Now throw away that awful sweater, put on the clean shirt and never wear white to work again, got it?”

Spencer’s point of view

There were too many stressors. Way too many for me to handle properly under that amount of stress. First, Prentiss runs away from us, hiding information from the team. Then, knowing how far she had gone with Doyle, faking a relationship with him and even sleeping with him. I’m not a prude, but even I know that can mess things up in the field. Now how did that change Doyle’s profile and how was he going to act with Emily? We had nothing.

And the fact a sniper had shot Fahey on the police station’s roof and might have killed (Y/N) instead was eating me alive. Of course, I always knew there was a risk in doing what we do for a living. And yes (Y/N) had been shot before (by far, the worst day of my life). But that day, on that rooftop, it affected me on a completely different level. I wanted to protect her no matter what, and I hated feeling I couldn’t do it properly.

I don’t think it had actually hit me until that day, but I wanted to marry her. I wanted to have babies with her. And soon. We had waited so long to confess our feelings I didn’t want to wait another five years to commit. I knew we had been dating for less than a month, but I knew she was my forever. I knew it since the first time I saw her.

But at that minute our job was to bring Prentiss home. Then I could take care of the rest.

Hotch got Prentiss' ex’s unit chief, Clyde Eater, to collaborate with us and the entire team got together to finally make some progress.

- “Ian Doyle's a power-assertive psychopath, highly controlling and very explosive when something doesn't go as planned.”- Clyde explained. We knew he was a psychopath and a serial killer. But his M.O and all the intel the CIA had on him were extremely useful to profile the bastard. And most important: to know what he was doing with Prentiss.

- “Ok, so how does this fit in with who he is as a family annihilator?”- Seaver asked and (Y/N) added

- “And Prentiss’ role in it.”

- “Annihilators have a romanticized view of who their family is.”- I looked at Clyde, but he shook his head at my words.

- “Well, actually, he was an orphan.”

- “Well, they think of family as their possession, until some law shatters that and starts them killing”- Morgan added.

- “But Doyle was never married.”- Clyde kept dismissing all of our contributions to the profile.

- “Children?”- Rossi asked, but we all guessed it was negative.

- “No.”

- “You run your profile that he carried out his murder with surgical-like precision.”- I continued talking as (Y/N) grabbed the picture of the kid Doyle shot from my hands, trying to find anything on that image that we could use as a clue.

- “Yes.”

- “With no collateral damage.”- Morgan added.

- “That's right.”

- “Perhaps this child was a surrogate for one he had.”- (Y/N) suggested

- “Say Doyle had a child and you didn't know about it. Is it possible that Prentiss did?”- Rossi asked the million-dollar question, and Clayde shook his head.

- “Then why would she keep it from me?”

- “Who else was in the compound the day that you arrested Doyle?”- Hotch asked and looked at the list of names.

- “Just his staff.”

- “All Irish?”- Hotch raised an eyebrow going through the names again, and Clayde nodded.

- “Yeah.”

- “That's a start.”

Thirty two minutes later we had an address and we got ready to rescue our friend. We knew Prentiss discovered Ian Doyle had in fact a son hidden, who had been raised by one of his maids as her own, to keep him from any danger. When the CIA got Doyle, the maid and the boy made it to America, and a year after Doyle’s imprisonment, Prentiss faked their deaths and relocated them, saving their lives from him. We didn’t know how or where. We just knew she made sure she did everything she could to save that kid’s life. Because that is how amazing Prentiss is.

We were on a rescue mission for Emily. The entire team, plus the special forces, got to an empty warehouse. We all walked in, and the first thing I did was to keep (Y/N) close. I couldn't focus on anything if I didn’t know she was close enough for me to save her. Morgan’s words kept spinning in my head: Our only advantage in that mission was stealth. Once Doyle knew we were on site, nothing would stop him from killing Prentiss. Or anyone on his way.

Derek was leading the mission, and after a few minutes of the most nerve-wracking silence, he announced he had Emily.

- “I got her!!”- his voice nearly pierced my ear as he shot into the earpiece- “I got her in the basement on

Southside! I need a medic!”

I stopped in my tracks and grabbed (Y/N)’s arm, who had just started running towards Morgan.

- “We don’t know where Doyle is! Stop! (Y/N)!”- I looked into her teary eyes and felt her struggling to let go.

- “But she is right there, Spencer! She needs us!!”- she begged as we heard Derek’s voice in our earpiece again.

- “Prentiss. Hey, it's me, I'm right here. You're gonna be alright. Stay with me, baby. Come on, stay with me.”- the officials cleared the room as we all continued to move, being extra careful in case Doyle was still in the area. I surely doubted it. He just wanted to hurt Emily and he couldn’t do it with all of us there and all his men down.

- “Clear!”- we heard that word, and (Y/N) ran from my side until she got to Prentiss and Derek the minute the ambulance reached the perimeter. I caught her and held her as we watched the paramedics checking her vitals and quickly moving her into the ambulance and to the nearest hospital.

Honestly, it all happened too quickly and I almost didn’t register it all. The way Prentiss looked when we reached her side, pale, almost dead. How Morgan kept holding her hand and refused to move from her side, getting into the ambulance with her, even against the paramedic’s will. The way (Y/N)’s tears soaked my shirt when I wrapped my arms around her, and how her hands grabbed my arms and nearly hung from me, not letting go until Hotch said we had to go to the hospital.

Everything will be engraved in my memory forever. And I wish I could just forget it all. It was all too much. And it just kept getting worse.

We waited over five hours in that visitor lounge, in the hospital. (Y/N) sat next to me, shaking most of the time, though I gave her my jacket, and wrapped my arm around her to keep her warm, and Rossi kept getting us coffee and snacks from the closest vending machine.

- “She is gonna be ok, right?”- Penelope whispered and waited for our answer. Derek just wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple. (Y/N) looked at me for a moment, with pleading eyes. She wanted to hear it too, she needed to hear Prentiss was gonna be ok. I cut her a short smile, though my eyes were filled with tears, and snuggled closer to her.

- “Of course, she is gonna be ok”- I whispered to her and she just nodded, resting her head on my shoulder.

I think that’s the first time I knew I was lying to my girlfriend. But I was too scared to tell her I didn’t know. That I just wasn’t sure what was gonna happen. I wanted to be her rock, the man she needed. But I was so scared. Petrified at the thought of losing my friend. Of failing to the team.

We all raised our eyes when we heard footsteps coming over, and JJ walked slowly over us. Her eyes were red and she couldn’t even speak. We all turned to her and waited if she had any update on Prentiss’ condition. But her tears stopped our hearts. (Y/N) held my hand and squeezed it tight. I just opened my mouth, not knowing what to say. It couldn’t be right. There was no way that was actually happening.

- “She never made it off the table”- JJ confirmed and for a moment, time stopped. I refuse to believe what she had said was true. My friend couldn’t be dead. My last conversation with her couldn’t be that random exchange of words. Emily Prentiss couldn’t be dead.

I looked around and watched how all of our friends were breaking apart. Rossi was sobbing, Garcia was in shock. I stood up and tried to run away, though I didn’t really know where I was planning to go. But (Y/N) grabbed my hand and stopped me. I turned to look at her and saw the tears falling down her cheeks as she bit her lips, trying her best to contain her emotions. I knew she hated crying in public, and I also knew she couldn’t really control it at the moment.

- “Hon…”- she whispered and grabbed both my arms, maybe scared I would actually run away from her. But instead of fighting her touch, I melted into it, wrapping my arms around her body and sobbing against the soft skin of her neck.

- “I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye”- I mumbled and felt her arms trying to hold me together. I let my tears run as she hugged me and caressed my back. She was crying too, as well as everybody around us. That couldn’t be happening. Emily couldn’t be dead. That couldn't just be it. We were the good guys, and the good guys always win. We couldn’t lose her, we couldn’t lose Emily.

But we did.

(Y/N) and I held each other the entire flight back home. I don’t really know if we were trying to console one another, or just trying to stay together to keep each other sane. I didn’t follow any of the PDA rules Hotch and Strauss had been nagging us about. I held (Y/N) in my arms the entire trip. I sat her on my lap and wrapped a blanket around her, ‘cos she kept shaking.

No one said a word the entire trip. The only sound around us were grieves and sobs. There was a deep feeling of loss. Not only we had lost Emily, but we all felt lost. It seemed unreal.

(Y/N)’s hands were clinging to my sweater, and every time I moved on the seat, she tightened her grip on me. I kissed her forehead as I snuggled her closer.

- “I’m not going anywhere”- I whispered and slowly leaned it to kiss her hands. She sighed and looked into my eyes with tears.

- “I’m so scared, Spencer.”- she called me by my name as one of her hands let go of my sweater and moved to my cheeks, caressing me- “I don’t wanna lose you too.”

- “You won’t, I swear. I am not going to leave you, and nothing bad will happen to me.”

But the truth is, I was petrified too. And I held her even tighter until we got home, ‘cos I was also scared to lose her. We did everything we could to keep Prentiss safe, but we failed. The same way we failed to protect Elle, and Garcia. We failed to protect Hailey and Jack. We were a failure, the entire BAU. And it scared me to death to think something bad could ever happen to my girl.

We got home that night and just sat on her couch. We talked about having a cup of tea, but neither of us moved. We just sat there, crying and holding each other until the sun came out.

I smelled her shampoo all over me as (Y/N) let her hair loose and for once, it didn’t make me feel better, protected or loved. If anything, it made me more anxious. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel losing her. And the fear kept crawling down my skin like a disease that spread all over my body.

And there was only one thing I knew had helped me get rid of that fear and pain: Dilaudid.

(Y/N)’s point of view

I stood outside the car and took a deep breath. We were at the cemetery, ready to give Emily her final resting place. It wasn’t right. The last few days had been the closest I had ever been to hell. We had to present our reports on what had happened the day Emily died. Then Hotch gave us the day off to rest and process what had happened. And now we were at a cemetery. No, it made no sense.

I had cried my eyes out in the last 48 hours. Life had changed completely and I felt lost. I refused to admit the fact my friend was gone. That had to be a joke, a very bad one. But I knew we couldn't function as a team without Emily. She was our rock. She was the one who always managed to keep her cool, even during the worst times. She was the one I turned to for advice since she joined the team, ‘cos we both had a rough start with Gideon, and Hotch wasn’t a big fan of women’s work when we first started.

- “Ready?”- Spencer held my hand and took me from my thoughts. I shook my hand and bit my lips, making my best not to cry anymore. I’ve always hated crying in public. He kissed my hand, and his lips lingered on my skin for a second before we started walking to meet the rest of the team.

Penelope was already there, with Morgan. I rested my head on her shoulder not saying a word, as I felt her caressing my hair. We just stood there in silence until Hotch and Rossi walked over. Aaron hugged us all, as I kept fighting the tears back.

- “It’s time.”- that was all he said, and we just nodded.

Spencer kissed my cheek one more time before walking with Morgan, Rossi, and Hotch to hold Prentiss’s coffin and carry it to her grave. Penelope held my hand as we walked behind them, along with JJ and Seaver, carrying some of Prentiss’ favorite flowers. Everybody was there, but I didn’t register much. A priest talked about loss and how we shall overcome it. But it was all a blur. I just remember standing in front of the coffin, fighting the tears, holding Spencer’s hand tight.

JJ walked and left her flowers on the coffin, and Penelope followed slowly. Then Seaver, Rossi, and Morgan. Spencer looked at me and I did my best to walk. But I swear, I felt my knees were going to betray me any minute. My boyfriend held my arm tight and helped me make my way to say my last goodbye. I still don’t know how he had the strength to do it if I knew he was hurting too. But at that minute I knew I was more thankful to have him than ever. I never wanted to lose him.

- “Come on kid, let’s go to my house for a drink”- Rossi whispered after the ceremony was over.

- “No, thank you. I wanna be alone”- I whispered, knowing he wasn’t going to let me go, but still trying to see if he could get I didn’t want to deal with people.

- “Kid, this hit the entire family and it’s time for the family to be together. Come. Both of you can not lock yourself to grieve all alone.”- Rossi was right, I just didn’t know how to deal with everything that was happening with all those people around me.

- “Do you wanna go?”- I asked Spencer, who kept holding my hand, his eyes glued to the ground.

- “It’s gonna be good for all of us”- Rossi added and Reid nodded. I sighed and gave up. I knew it was gonna be worse not attending, and maybe Dave was right and some time with family would be good for all of us.

Of course, spending time with family, under those circumstances, was painfully hard, because though all we wanted was to support each other, all our emotions were on the surface, and I don’t think we knew what to do with them.

We drove in convoy to Rossi’s and when we got there we realized he had prepared a little get-together. He had some food, some wine and a table in his backyard ready for us. Spencer poured a glass of wine for me, grabbed a juice for himself, and stood by my side as the rest of the team gathered around for a toast. I didn’t feel like toasting for Emily. Not that I didn’t want to honor her, but I wanted to do it on my own. I didn’t feel ready to share my feelings with my friends just yet.

- “To Emily”- Rossi raised his glass and his voice broke immediately- “A tuff rock, the smartest woman and one of the best friends we’ve had.”- we all raised our glasses and drank a sip.

- “Emily is my… was my best friend”- Garcia started, but tears stopped her speech. Morgan wrapped an arm around her and kissed her forehead, in support. We weren’t ready for this. The wound was open and bleeding. This was basically just twisting the knife inside the wound.

- “I remember when she first joined the team ‘cos Stauss pushed me to accept her. Erin thought she could use Em to control me and get some info about our work. And instead, she gave us an invaluable team member, and a friend that will live in our hearts forever.”- Hotch’s words started with a light chuckle and ended with tears. I knew he wanted us to remember the good things, but we couldn’t just forget that she was dead, and we would never see her again.

- “I just can’t believe she is gone”- Spencer whispered and I wrapped an arm around him immediately- “I mean, if we can’t protect each other, what can we do? how can we do our work?”

No one could give an answer to that. I know I didn’t have comfort words for Spencer ‘cos I felt broken inside as well. I hugged him tight and felt how he soaked my neck with tears, as he made an effort to cry quietly.

- “I just wish she would have trusted us from the beginning.”- Derek took a sip of his wine and stared at us, fighting the tears- “I mean, we could have helped her! we could have caught Doyle and killed that son of a bitch!”

- “Derek”- Hotch tried to calm him down, but we all had to express our feelings somehow, I guess.

- “Why did she do this alone?! I told her we were there for her! I knew she was hiding something from us! And now she is gone!”

Morgan was angry, and I got it. I had noticed Emily was acting strange but didn’t do anything either. I was too busy being happy with Reid. And in a way, I blamed myself as well.

- “Emily locked us out of her life. She decided she was better on her own.”- JJ argued and Will held her hand, ‘cos it felt as if her words came out harder than she had initially intended.

- “We are all fucking profilers! We all knew there was something going on and we just decided to overlook it!”- I argued and let Spencer go ‘cos I needed a refill of my wine already.

- “Kid, we all feel guilty. Trust me, I hate myself right now and I know there are a lot of things that we could have done to help her. But we didn’t, and it’s done. Regret won’t take us anywhere but feeling even more miserable!”- Rossi raised his voice but didn’t try to lecture me. He followed me to the bar and wrapped an arm around me, pouring me a second glass of wine.

- “But we have each other, ragazza. And we are gonna overcome this together. Trust me.”

My BAU family is so different from my real one. I could get away from my blood relatives, I had a million excuses I had certified were adequate to stay away from them. But I could never get away from my BAU’s kin. They were harder to keep away.

Spencer excused himself and walked to the bathroom for a moment. I looked at him and realized he had been trying to be strong for me, and be my rock. But of course, I knew he needed to process the whole situation his own way. I knew he wasn’t afraid to cry in front of me or anything like it. But he would never want to feel like he was a burden for me. And he would want to process his sorrow alone.

I just hoped this whole thing wouldn’t affect our new relationship. All I actually wanted was to curl into bed with him, hug him and get some rest. It felt like the weight of the world was on our shoulders and there was no escape from it.

- “I didn’t get to know Emily very well”- Seaver started talking and for once, I didn’t really care. I was so sad I didn’t even want to argue with her- “But she was the first to open her arms and give me a chance. Teach me some of the things she knew and just… help me be a better profiler.”

- “My baby was like that”- Garcia whispered, trying her best to stop sobbing- “She would always go an extra mile for someone she knew deserved it.”

- “She also had the better comebacks. I learned so many curse words from her”- I sipped my wine after my words and heard Rossi chuckle.

- “You can’t say she was a bad influence. You two together were an accident waiting to happen.”

- “Remember when she picked up that guy at the bar?”- Garcia looked at me and JJ, and we both knew exactly what she was talking about.

- “What guy?”- Spencer walked over and stood by my side. I turned to him and cut him a shy smile, holding his hands. His fingers were cold and I felt like kissing them, but it felt weird doing that in front of the team.

- “A random asshole that flirted with her at a bar one time when she first joined the team. We had one of our first ladies' nights and she walked to our table with a guy that told her was an FBI agent”- I explained and Garcia shook her head.

- “No, but he was a loser, he was so pathetic. He kept saying everything we asked was “classified.”

- “Worst was when she said “affirmative” instead of yes!”- JJ added and I chuckled.

- “Oh my god! I had totally forgotten about that!”

- “The best part was when she asked him to see his batch and he argued he couldn’t show it ‘cos it was classified”- Garcia smiled at the memory and Rossi looked at us with wide-opened eyes.

- “And what did you guys do?”

- “We asked him if it looked anything like ours, and he turned around and left completely humiliated”- I finished the story with a big grin on my face, thinking that was the kind of thing that happened when Emily was in charge of getting the next round of drinks.

- “I remember when I hit her with my rocket on the head”- Spencer said and smiled as he remembered what happened that day- “And she didn’t even get mad at me, she just asked me to show her how I had done it”

- “And you didn’t, ‘cos a magician never reveals his secrets.”- I turned to my boyfriend and smiled. I remembered that day so well. He looked so cute and concentrated on preparing his tricks.

- “Remember when we asked her to flirt with that lousy guy to get a better profile?”- Morgan added with an evil grin.

- “¡Viper!”- I nearly jumped when I said his name- “The level of bullying I gave her for doing that…”

- “You flirted with him too!”- Morgan argued, and Spencer frowned, totally confused.

- “I did not, I was just mean to him as Emily worked her magic on the poor bastard. You on the other hand”- I turned and looked at Reid, who opened his eyes innocently, giving me his baby look.

- “What did I do, chipmunk?”

- “Morgan taught you how to flirt and you got that waitress’ phone number.”- Morgan laughed at the memory, and Spencer looked at me with his Bambi's eyes not knowing what to say- “And she sent you that stupid card you gave her”

- “Em said your anger was epic that night, so epic indeed, that you drank half a bottle of tequila and rambled for two hours about how much you hated Spencer flirting with other girls and how he never flirted with you.”

I opened my mouth to argue Garcia’s words, but I couldn’t. Instead I smiled, and a lot, ‘cos it was a beautiful memory with my friend. A friend I knew I was never going to see again.

Spencer’s point of view

That night I had to drive (Y/N) back to her place ‘cos she had way too much wine. It wasn’t a crappy evening after all, all things considered. We had a nice time remembering all the fun things we did with Emily, all the jokes, all the laughs. All the nights out. I know I have an eidetic memory, but there was no way on earth I could ever forget a second of all the moments I shared with Prentiss.

I put (Y/N) to bed and then sat on the couch, staring at the wall. I thought about reading for a while, hoping to get sleepy soon, but honestly, I couldn’t focus.

I wrapped my arms around my body and laid on the couch. I felt empty and useless. Sadness was just part of it all. Fear was consuming me. The agony of losing someone and the angst of the imminent loss of the person I loved the most.

The team had been blind to all the signs Emily needed help. I never saw or even thought any of this could ever happen. What could I do if anything like this ever happened to (Y/N)? I was powerless. I needed to find a way to keep her safe and happy. ‘Cos that’s what she deserved. Happiness, nothing less than that.

There was a hole in the middle of my chest and that void was eating all my thoughts, all my knowledge. All my sanity. I grabbed one of (Y/N)’s pillows and covered my face with it as I started crying. I didn’t want to make a noise, she had to rest and get some sleep. Besides, I didn’t want to look weak in front of her. I wanted to be a rock for my woman, a shoulder for her to cry on. I wanted to help her and be there for her. If she saw me crying, she would get worried, and she had enough on her plate. Our friend died, it wasn’t wise to add a weak boyfriend to that mix.

The next day was a blur. Hotch gave us a week off to gather our thoughts and process what had happened. (Y/N) said there weren’t enough days to deal with what had happened, and I completely agreed. The first day we spent it in our pajamas, basically doing nothing but hunting her apartment like a couple of ghosts. I did my best to stay strong and hold (Y/N) every time she broke into tears. But after two days, I needed something to help me cope with my feelings. Or more likely, to avoid them.

Yes, having my girlfriend there for me was incredible. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel alone under such bitter circumstances. She made me feel safe and secure when she held me close at night. But I didn’t want her to think I was a burden in any way. I just wanted to make her happy. Besides, my head was driving me mad. I needed something that could make me stop thinking and feeling for a moment. Just once. One time was all I needed.

- “Do you have to go?”- (Y/N) whispered and hugged me as I stood by her bed, folding my clothes and putting them into my go bag. I really didn’t want to be apart from her, but I needed to cave in. I was trying to be strong, but one last Dilaudil shot could help under those circumstances, right? I couldn’t shake that thought off my head.

- “I will come back tomorrow, chipmunk. I just need to go to my house, grab some clean clothes, a few books, and pay the bills.”- I felt like crap knowing I was lying to her. I was really just going to get Dilaudid and get high.

- “I’m gonna miss you, Batsy”- (Y/N) mumbled against my sweater, as she kept her arms around me, and her face hidden against my back.

- “I’m gonna miss you too. But hey, we have to go to see my mom in a few days, so maybe we can use these hours apart to prepare our bags?”- I turned around and caressed her arms, trying to be positive and cheerful for once.

- “Ok…”- her reply was short and muffled against my chest.

- “If you don’t wanna go to visit my mom…”- but before I could tell her it was ok to postpone the trip, she looked at me and shook her head frantically.

- “No hon, I wanna visit your mom. We have rescheduled this visit for too long, and I wanna see her. I know she is gonna be happy to be with you, and I am also sure you need to hug her right now.”- I smiled and sighed, resting my nose on her head and letting her smell invade every inch of my body. God, I didn’t want to leave that night, ‘cos I knew I was giving up. But I needed to do something to avoid the pain.

- “I don’t deserve you”- I whispered and she shook her head slowly.

- “Never say that again, honey bunny. I love you because you are the best man on earth. I am proud of everything you do. I am lucky you are mine and I’ll always do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

Those words froze me. There I was, packing to go back to my apartment, call my dealer and get high after years of being sober. I was ready to ditch happiness over weakness without actually giving a fight.

Wanna know the worst part? None of that stopped me. I hugged her one last time and walked to the door, promising I would be back the following day. I kissed her and felt her lips lingering on mine for a little longer. Her arms wrapped around my neck, her fingers playing with my hair. I sighed and smiled, pecking her lips one more time as I stared into her eyes in adoration.

- “I love you”- I whispered and she smiled sweetly.

- “I love you too, batsy”- she replied and kissed me one more time- “Now go before I regret it and force you to stay with me on that bed.”- I chuckled, but my heart was just breaking, and it continued breaking as I moved apart from her and walked out of her door.

I actually walked out of her apartment (I still can’t believe I did it), and after a few blocks, I stood in front of a payphone, grabbed a few cents and dialed a number I knew by memory, even though I hadn’t called in years. The same old voice answered and after I presented myself with the same old alias I used back in the days, he chuckled.

- “I knew you’d come back”- the statement felt like a slap of reality. I should have stopped right there, hung up the phone, and gone back to (Y/N)’s. But I did none of that. Instead, I ignored the comment, asked for a dose and my former dealer told me where to go. As simple as that. That’s how I ruined everything I had worked for so hard in my life.

Later that night, I sat on a couch, staring at the Dialaudid bottle on my coffee table. I stared at it, feeling it was actually staring back at me, judging me. I deserved it though, being judged. I was being weak and a liar. And if my girlfriend ever caught me doing drugs again, she would never forgive me, that was a statement.

The phone ringing nearly made me jump off my chair. I grabbed the Dilaudid and hid it in a jacket hanging on a chair before picking up the phone, which made me feel stupid. Whoever was calling would never see it. But I was paranoid and I didn’t want to get caught.

- “Hello?”

- “Hey doc, how are you, it’s Frank.”

- “Hey Paco, nice to hear you.”

- “Likewise. I just wanted to call to tell you I am very sorry for your loss, and that I am here whenever you wanna talk.”- I froze and for a moment, I couldn’t even answer. Not that I was surprised that Frank would give me his support during a hard moment like that, but because I was still surprised I actually had friends. And good friends.

- “Doc? Are you there?”

- “Yeah, sorry. I’m just…”

- “Don’t worry, I totally get it. I was talking with (Y/N) earlier and she gave me the whole story. It’s pretty fucked up”

- “It is”

- “Do you wanna grab a beer? Nugget said you had been spending time with her, but maybe a night with a friend could do you better than being alone.”

- “I... don’t wanna be… a burden”- I simply confessed and closed my eyes.

- “Don’t be stupid. I’ll be there in ten.”

After I left the phone on the table, I stayed still, sitting on the couch, knowing there was a bottle of Dilaudid in my jacket. I couldn’t use it anymore, not if Frank was coming over. Maybe that was a good thing, I didn’t have to fail that night. I could fail the following day, or maybe late that night after Frank left.

Maybe I could tell (Y/N) I’m gonna get to her apartment after lunch, and use it in the morning. No, that was too risky, she might have noticed. I needed a whole night to recover.

My eyes were glued to my jacket. I had Dilaudid. What the hell was I thinking??! I couldn’t do that! not to me, not to (Y/N). After everything we went through those days she locked me in her apartment to get me sober, after all the times I thought about using, but my will was strong enough not to give up. Why was I quitting then?

The knock on my door took me from my thoughts. I jumped from the couch and took a deep breath before answering. Frank stood in the hall with a sick pack and a pizza.

- “I was in the neighborhood.”- he grinned and walked in.- “I didn’t know if you had dinner so I came prepared. Pizza, chips, and beer. It’s dude’s night.”

I smiled and nodded. Hanging out with Frank wasn’t that bad. It was way better than falling into Dilaudid again. I wondered if (Y/N) asked him to call me. Maybe she suspected something when I left earlier. I shouldn’t have left in the first place.

- “So, before you start over analyzing it, (Y/N) didn’t ask me to come or to check on you. I just thought you might need a little company. Someone who is not your girlfriend or any coworker.”- Frank opened a beer and grabbed a slice of pizza, sitting on the couch, on the same exact spot he always sat on when he visited.

- “Thank you, that means a lot.”

- “Don’t sweat it, doc. So… (Y/N) told me you already told her dad about your relationship. How was that?”- I chuckle and grab a beer for myself.

- “Terrifying”- I confess and think of Chief (Y/L/N)’ face when we told her we were together- “For a moment I was sure he was going to kill me. But everything ended up well”

- “He would have killed you if you never confessed your feelings for his daughter. That man really loves you. He has been telling my dad how great you are ever since he met you!”

That made me feel worse. Using Dilaudid again would never look good in front of (Y/N)’s parents, and I wanted to marry her. What the fuck was I thinking calling my dealer again?

- “So, when are you gonna ask her?”- I widened my eyes, shocked. Was Frank actually a mind reader? That would explain a lot. I just stared at him, still sipping my beer and he smiled- “Ok, I was kidding before but now clearly you were thinking about it.”

- “What are you talking about?”

- “I’ve always teased (Y/N) telling her you two are gonna get married, ever since the first time we met you. Now that you are dating, it’s just a matter of time”

- “We haven’t been together for a month yet!”

- “So? you love her, she loves you. What else do you need to know? You’ve known her for years! and you’ve loved her every day of those years. I support you if you wanna do it, and I could be your best man if you need me. I’m guessing Lu is gonna be her bride’s maid.

- “I don’t even have a ring yet”

- “As your best man, I could go with you to Tiffany’s and help you pick one”- I opened my mouth to answer, but no word came out for a few seconds until Frank burst out laughing and chewed his pizza.

- “I’m just kidding doc, I don’t mean to push you. It would be awesome if you two get married and have a lot of kids so I can spoil them and teach them all the bad words, though.”

Surprisingly, Frank had our life planned. I could only think about how disappointed he would be if only he knew I was planning to throw that future off the window when he called. Instead of saying anything else, I kept eating in silence and focused on not making a mess with the cheese in my pizza.

- “Mikey says hi by the way. I saw him earlier, I would have told him to come but he had a date.”

- “A date? wow, that’s new”

- “Yeah, the kid doesn’t date much, but when he does, it’s usually epic. Last time he dated a girl, they got matching tattoos.”- Frank started chuckling and nearly chook with his beer.

- “I remember, I was there when he showed us”- I raised an eyebrow as I reminded him I was actually part of that story. I was the one who told Mikey about all the infections he might get getting a tattoo in a random place, and also reminded him of the statistic of couples breaking up after getting one.

- “Right! sorry, I don’t have an eidetic memory”

- “And you were probably stoned”- I added and Frank grinned.

- “I don’t talk about drugs with the feds, doc.”

- “I don’t see any fed in the room. I’m home, Frank, not at work.”- and I also had drugs in the apartment. Shit, every second made me regret more my stupid decision of getting Dilaudid.

- “I know, I know, but I like teasing you two.”

- “Did you already have this talk with (Y/N)? the whole marriage thing?”- Frank nodded, chewing his pizza- “And did she freak out?”

- “Not really, so I would take that as a good sign.”

We ended up playing poker and drinking beer. Frank told me about a girl he had just met, and who seemed to be nice and fun to date. He also told me about how tired he was of his work, but he couldn’t quit or find anything new until the end of the year. He said he was planning to start a master's in psychology the following year, so he needed to save some money. I told him about our trip to visit my mother, and how excited I was to tell her (Y/N) and I were finally dating. We also talked about music, the piano lessons (Y/N) was giving me, gambling, and the first time I got kicked out of a casino.

We talked about anything and everything, except Prentiss. And it felt good, for once. It was an escape from reality, from feeling miserable and crying. It made me feel guilty for a moment, ‘cos I was having a lot of fun, but I figured if it included cards and booze, Prentiss would approve.

- “I was shocked when nugget told me you came home tonight. I had the feeling you two were way too entertained physically to bear a night apart”

- “I am not telling you about our sex life”- I raised both eyebrows as I continued dealing the cards.

- “Trust me, I don’t wanna know. I love my friend and I respect her intimacy.”- Frank made a pause and looked at me, trying his best not to burst out laughing.

- “I don’t need to use any profiler’s skill to know you are lying!”- and so he started laughing.

- “Sorry, sorry. Just… one question”

- “No, Frank!”- I frowned, but chuckled, ‘cos the fact he wanted to ask about our sex life was weird and I didn’t get why he was trying to do it.

- “I just need to know something!”

- “No!”

After we switched to whisky, talked more about music, specifically Johnny Cash, and ended up singing along with a vinyl I was playing, Frank came back with the sex questions.

- “Come on man! I am not a perv or anything, I just…”

- “No!”- I nearly shouted, chuckling.

- “But I need to know how the fuck can you be here with me getting drunk if you waited forever for her and didn’t fuck with anyone else that I know in like five years… did you?”

- “No”- if I hadn’t been half drunk, I wouldn’t have answered, I know that.

- “Ok, so if you didn’t fuck with anyone for five years, not even freaking Lila Archer! why aren’t you catching up with all the years of missing sex?! And how do you even manage to get out of bed to work every morning? I mean, you two have so much fucking pending!”

I just laughed for a moment, until Frank’s words made total sense. There I was, originally alone to get high, and then with Frank getting drunk, when I could be with the woman I loved, making love to her. What the fuck was I doing?

- “Now you wanna go and have sex with her, don’t you?”- Frank asked and finished his glass. I just looked at him, knowing I was blushing and finished my drink as well.

- “Oh shit you do. Fine, let’s share a cab.”- Frank stood up and grabbed what was left in the bag of chips.

- “Wait!”- I ran to my room, grabbed my bag, and filled it with clean clothes in less than two minutes- “Ok, now I’m ready”

- “Got enough condoms?”

- “She is on the pill”- again, things I would have never said if I hadn’t been half drunk.

- “Nice! Let’s go.”

And somehow, after a pizza, poker, whisky, and rambling, Frank accidentally stopped me from using Dilaudid and sent me back to (Y/N)’s arms. I still wonder if that was his plan all along.

I opened the door quietly. It was nearly two in the morning when I got to her place. The lights were out, so I took off my shoes and quietly made it to her room. There she was, laying on the bed, softly snoring. A book still on her lap let me know what she was doing before falling asleep. I left my bag on the floor, took off my pants and shirt, and got into bed with her. I carefully grabbed the book from her hands and put it on the night table, turned off the lights, and wrapped her in my arms.

- “I am so sorry, love. I promise I will never be that man again. I don’t wanna disappoint you.”- I mumbled and felt her breathing against my skin, as she fluttered her eyes and smiled.

- “What are you doing here, honey?”

- “I realized sleeping without you was a mistake. I don’t ever wanna be apart from you. Never.”- she smiled and snuggled closer.

- “You are welcome to stay forever, honey bunny.”- (Y/N) whispered, wrapping her arms around me - “Were you drinking?”

- “Frank brought beer… and I had whisky”- I kissed her neck and my hands roamed her body as I heard her chuckle. I hadn’t heard her laugh in days, that sound really made me feel happy.

- “I see, well, sleep that booze off and tomorrow you’ll have a nice breakfast for the hangover.”

- “But I don’t wanna sleep, ma cherié. I wanna worship you and love you like I always dreamed of doing”- I attached my lips to her neck and started sucking on her soft skin, to refresh the marks that claimed her as mine.

- “Worship me?”- she questioned and giggled. I don’t know why she found that amusing, I was completely serious.

- “Yes, like a goddess, the sun of my life, the light of my eyes”- I mumbled and made a trail of wet kisses from her neck to her chest, but she stopped me before I could reach her breasts.

- “Spencer, you are drunk!”

- “Yes, but not really that drunk. Consider myself uninhibited.”- I rolled on the bed and positioned myself on top of her. She looked at me confused.- “I am not intoxicated, pumpkin. I just had a long conversation with Frank that made me realize I wanted to be buried deep inside of you instead of being home alone.”

- “Spencer Walter Reid, you are being very honest!”- she made a pause and gasped- “Oh my god! were you talking about sex with Frank?”

- “What? No! I swear! he just started asking things and that made me think I wanted to be with you and love you all night long.”

And without giving her time to reply or even react, I crushed my lips against her and kissed her so deeply I nearly felt dizzy. I didn’t stop kissing her until I felt her hands on my back, holding me closer to her. That’s when I moved my lips from hers and heard her soft whimper of disapproval. I would have stopped myself and continued kissing her, I just wanted to do what made her happy, but… I knew what I had in mind was gonna be so much better for her.

I kissed her jaw and neck as I removed her pajama top. Then I continued my way down her body, playing with her breast for a long while, licking all over and pinching her nipples as she twisted underneath me, whispering my name. The delicious moans coming from her were the encouragement I needed to continue. So I moved my hand underneath the waistband of her cotton pajama shorts and slid my fingers between her wet folds. Even I let out a groan when I felt her so ready for me, it made my cock even harder, confined inside my boxers.

- “Spencer, please”- I heard her whisper and I looked at her, while I continued licking her nipples and she moaned even harder as we made eye contact.

- “Let me love you”- I murmured and resumed my task. I toyed with her clit, rubbing it slowly and teasing her entrance a few times, licking my fingers just to show her how much I liked her taste.

- “Honey, please let me touch you”- she begged and I shook my head, moving my lips from her breast and down her stomach, as I also tried to keep my erection away from her hands.

- “Not yet. I wanna please you first.”

I slowly moved until my face was perfectly located between her legs. My own piece of heaven. Her breathing was already shaking and I hadn’t even touched her yet. That felt like a good boost to my ego. I wanted to be able to please my woman, literally worship her. Frank was right, I had wasted way too much time before and I couldn’t continue on that path. I needed to enjoy every second with her, ‘cos I loved her. And I knew it was forever.

I wrapped my tongue around her clit, sucking it lightly and she twisted in pleasure right away, a soft moan leaving her lips. I grabbed her tights and kept her still in front of me. My tongue ran through her folds and two of my fingers made their way slowly into her entrance.

- “God, honey”- she twisted and I tried to hold her in place.

- “You taste so sweet”- I murmured against the inside of her thighs- “I could eat you all day, every day. I love you so much, so, so much.”- I looked at her for a moment and she smiled at me. But before she could reply, I started lapping her again, eating her like a hungry man. Her body trembled underneath me and her hand quickly found my hair, fingers entangled in it, trying to guide me to her release.

- “You are gonna make me cum already”- she said after a few minutes and bit her lips- “I don’t think I’ve ever cum this fast”

- “Cum for me, ma cherie. Let me make you feel good.”- she let out a groan as I felt her wall tighten around my fingers. Her moans were more intense until she reached her peak, nearly yelling.

I didn’t des attack my lips from her cunt. Instead, I kissed it slowly as she rode her high, and I didn’t stop until overstimulation made her jump. That’s when I kissed my way up to her breast again, then to her neck, and finally her lips.

- “You really are a genius”- (Y/N) chuckled and kissed me. I ran my hand down her face and lingered my fingers on the few bruises I had left on her skin earlier that week.

- “You are my everything”- I confessed feeling my cheeks turn pink. My girlfriend smiled and kissed me again- “And I am so scared to lose you.”

- “You won’t lose me, honey. Never.”- I felt a knot in my throat thinking she didn’t know what I had done. And she should never know either. So instead of drowning myself in depressing thoughts, I decided to continue with my task and worship my girlfriend. I kissed her slowly as I got rid of my underwear and aligned my cock against her entrance.

- “Please Spencer”

- “What do you need, ma cherié?”

- “You, just you.”- her request was more than I could take and I had to fight the tears back for a moment. But it wasn't time to think, it was time to act and show her just how much I loved every inch of her.

- “You have me, always.”

With a slow movement, and looking into her eyes, I slipped inside her. She gasped and scratched my arms as I did, adjusting to the intrusion.

- “You feel so good, honey”- I heard her whisper as she smiled for a moment before I leaned over and kissed her. I could still taste her juices in my mouth and the mix in her lips was fueling me. I slowly started moving inside her, as she moaned into my mouth.

- “I could live like this, buried deep into you, fucking you slowly, watching you cum.”

- “You are very uninhibited, honey”- she giggled as I kissed her neck.

- “I did warn you that”

- “Yes, and I’m loving it”

- “Good, ‘cos I think we wasted too much time being just friends and now I want to tell you what I feel for you all the time. And right now, ma cherié, I wanna make you cum and scream my name again until you can’t feel your legs anymore.”

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frecklystars · 1 year

Text

I hate that I can’t go on any transformers blogs without my abuser being publicly posted, buying commissions every five seconds. Seeing constant reminders of her and all the times she used me. She knows she’s a trigger for me and she promised me she would keep her commissions on her own blog, so I could block her and not have to see anything. She kept telling me she cared about me and wanted me to heal. Every time I see an artist posting another commission so I can’t properly blacklist it, I can see it clear as day, it’s like a slap to the face. Just a reminder of how much she lied to me. And then I’m having panic attacks all over again because I’m seeing my comfort characters that she ruined being so fond with her, like she gets to keep the very thing she destroyed for me and she doesn’t give a shit

I am literally burning with rage and shaking so I am venting under the cut, sorry it’s very messy and angry. Nobody has to read it I’m just so furious I have to let it out

why do you have to buy commissions every 5 fucking minutes. Why is that the only thing you spend your money on. “Keri I want to make you feel comfortable I feel so bad for lying to you and literally giving you c-ptsd! I’m going to ask artists to make my commissions private and then I’ll just post them myself so you won’t have to worry about seeing them all the goddamn time! OH WAIT NEVERMIND I’m going to lie to you AGAIN and then I’m going to replace my self insert with yours in that $120 Starscream commission and THEN I’m going to guilt you for not talking to me every 2 seconds AND THEN I’m gonna tell you that you should just choose to stop being triggered <3”

You would tell me how you refuse to get better. I have never met someone so dedicated to their own suffering. “I don’t tell my therapist anything! I just let my family pay for my appointments!” “my parents cook me full meals and I throw them away” “I have meds but I don’t feel like taking them lol” your family takes you outside for fun events every week. Your mom begs you to take care of yourself because she loves you and you don’t give a shit. You will never struggle financially in your life. You get large monthly income and then you tell people “commission me for my writing 🥺🥺 pay me because I’m struggling!!!!” as if you could ever struggle even if you didn’t have money, because I’d you want something, people will just give it to you! Food, water, toys, money, you ask for it and you get it! Because you act like you’ll die if you don’t! and people donate to you and you don’t even need the money, you want people to feel sorry for you. You have all these resources to get better but you don’t fucking use them. I wish I had even half of your tools to heal and you have everything you could ever want or need physically and emotionally and you just don’t fucking care. Because if you stop being miserable, people stop giving you attention, right? That’s how this works for you?

You tell people on your blog how you’re going to the hospital and then you call me while you’re supposedly at the hospital but I hear your chocolate lab barking in the background so I know you’re at home and lying about it. You delete your blogs every few months and cut people off to make those people worry about you and then you make a new blog with a new url and even brand new name or you change your name by one single letter and you make those ppl you cut off believe you killed yourself and your remaining friends are like “ohhh I was sooo worried about you” but you didn’t tell them you were in contact with me the entire time you were gone, you didn’t tell them that you were tormenting me every fucking second. People kept asking you “where is Keri? Is she okay?” You said yes she’s fine she’s taking a mental health break. That wasn’t fucking true. You knew you were hurting me because you’d apologize for hurting me every five seconds but you would not make any changes in your behavior. You told people you were there for me. You lied to everyone. Three of your friends cut me off when you and I were very close, and I wasn’t even aware I was being abused yet. What did you tell them about me? When I wasn’t online to defend myself, what on earth could you have said to make these people block me? I barely knew them so it’s not a huge deal, but it’s still scary how you did that. Why did you feel the need to do that? You told me often how you can be possessive and manipulative. I suppose I was your next target. Why did you try to isolate me even more than I already was? Why did you rely on me to give you attention whenever you wanted when you have all these other idiots catering to you just like I foolishly did? You treated me like you could just push a button and I’d be there to serve you. You KNEW I was suicidal because of what you were doing to me and you did not care. You would instead tell me how you would be suicidal unless if I talked to you. Just me, apparently. Or did you do this to other people too? How many others are you using right now?

How many of your friends are unaware of when you sent me unspeakable things to make me believe my f/os would rape me. How many. None? Because you’re such an angel who has -mental illness~ so you can be excused for everything? You could easily commission artists to draw Starscream raping me and killing me, and then ppl could tell me I’m overreacting because it’s JUST your disorder making you do that. It excuses everything doesn’t it? You have proved this is true. I genuinely believe my f/os will harm me and it’s just. your. disorder. not your fault. you are excused for everything. No matter how fucking vile. I have nightmares of the very things you have made me believe about myself, that my comfort characters would find me unworthy of respect just like you did. That they would love you so much that they would do unspeakable things to me by your command.

I spent all of my energy on you. Every second I was awake had to be catered to you or else you’d “do something drastic”. I had penalties at work for using my phone all the time because you would insist I needed to answer you or else. I held my phone in my hand every minute. Shaking. I could never put it down because if I didn’t answer your texts within two minutes, you’d freak out. You called my fucking store and then you lied to people about it. You sought out my friends that I was isolated from and told them to give you my family’s personal information, as if I would even give that info out to anyone online. As if I’d trust ppl with that. You made me believe I am unworthy of respect because you never once respected my boundaries. Every single chance I gave you, you chewed it up on front of me seconds later. Every single boundary I begged you to not cross, you spit on it. And then you’d pull the “oh it’s my mentow iwwness Kewi 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I’m s-s-stwuggling!!! Woe is me!!! It’s not my fault!!!!!!!!” Oh no, It’s never your fault. You could stab someone to death and you’d talk yourself into believing you’re not a murderer. You put several knives into my back and you continue to do so every time I see a commission of you. Some character loving you fondly, some character you know you ruined for me, and then you ask the post to be public so then you know I’m going to see it and you know it will trigger me. And I’m just another person on your list of ppl you cut off. You hurt someone and then you forget about them so you don’t have to remember that you’re a bad person. That you do bad things intentionally. Like a goddamn sociopath.

I’d tell you I was self harming and needed to get off the phone and be alone for the night, you immediately change the topic and say “wait I’m gonna kill myself!!!” because the world will end if you don’t get attention. Especially from me, the literal dying girl who is completely isolated, with nobody at all who loves her. Except you, you kept claiming you loved me and that I was your dear friend. You would make all of my anger go away because you’d say “I’m only doing this because I care about you, Keri 🥺🥺🥺 I can’t help my mental illness makes me act this way… it’s only because I love you so much” and suddenly I’d feel guilty for ever being mad in the first place. Because it’s all. About. You.

And all of the focus is suddenly on you. Forget the fact that I’m in emotional distress. Forget my blood staining the bathroom tile. Forget the kitchen knife in my shaking hands. Forget the water puddles near the front door from my third suicide attempt. Forget that I’m not eating anymore, forget that I’m flinching at my comfort characters you’re always commissioning that I’m starting to associate with you. Forget how you claiming you’re going to end your life would make me feel; me, someone who you kept saying was your best and most special friend. I cried for you. You kept telling me you were about to die and I had to repeatedly beg at least once a week for you not to do it. I had to beg you to tell a family member because what am I supposed to do, I live states away from you?? Why should I have had to carry all of your burdens?? Why did you supposedly rely on me?? Half of those times you probably weren’t even suicidal, you just didn’t want me to get off the phone. How many people fell for that trick? “Wait don’t get off the phone or else I’ll die 🥺 oh I deserve to die keri I’m such a horrible person. I’m fact I should just cut you off right now.” And then you’ll make me beg you to stay. And the one single time I told you to go ahead and cut me off because I couldn’t stand you anymore, you tell me nevermind you won’t cut me off after all. And then you begged ME to stay.

I cried and told you how much you were hurting me. You did not give a single shit. And you still don’t. Every time an artist publicly posts your commission you bought from them, it’s a slap in the face for me. Forget that I can’t scroll on anyones blogs without tensing up because you’re a trigger. Forget that you gave me complex post traumatic stress disorder, using my own comfort characters against me. Forget how I feel. It’s all about you. It’s all about how miserable you are. And every time you ask an artist to make your commission public, it’s just another reminder for me of how you used me. I lost 10 months of my life to you and I’m still losing them because I have to live with these constant triggers for who knows how long. You stole myself from me. You ruined my one and only comfort, you took transformers from me, and yet you get to keep it, you get to self ship with the characters that you’ve made into my triggers. You get to keep it as a tool for yourself, along with the other coping resources you will never ever use. You get to be fine. Because it’s all about you.

One day this will kill you. One day it will all catch up to you and everyone will see your true colors. I hope it’s sooner rather than later. And I hope you burn for what you did.

I have never hated someone so much in my life. You could have the most gruesome death and it’s the least of what you deserve. But when you die you’ll still use even that to your advantage for attention because god forbid someone doesn’t pity you for five fucking minutes. It takes a lot for me to hate someone, I gave you my 5000 chances. You’ve used them all. You deserve to rot. Fuck you for taking almost a whole year of my life. Fuck you for making me live with ptsd now. Fuck you for taking away my special interest and fuck you for ruining the only good thing I had to keep me going. Fuck you for trying to snuff the light inside of me because you resent your own darkness. At least I’ll eventually heal even if it might take me years — you have to live with yourself and you will never get better because you refuse to. You have to live with the fact that you are a bad person who can’t keep friends.

You can pay people to draw yourself kissing these characters all you want, when you and I both know that the majority of characters you ship with are characters who have faced abuse and manipulation. Predaking especially. And they would hate everything you stand for. They would never love someone who abuses and manipulates and uses people the way that you do. So fool yourself all you want. I know your true colors and you have to live with the fact that someone who has the capability to love so fully and with all of my heart, sincerely hates you with my whole being, and truly wishes you were dead. That’s a miraculous achievement. Congratulations.

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johnandrasjaqobis · 5 days

Text

past 1:30am you say, time for more out of order bits of sorta durgetash stuff i am writing you say, but of course it is (technically the same meeting as the first bit i posted but. before that bit. i'll probably put it all together correctly at some point.)

“You came all this way. Went to the trouble of…” Gortash paused, leaning over to inspect the still-cracked window. “Yes, definitely breaking that lock. After all of that, you may as well at least have a drink.”

Joseph made an effort to unclench his jaw, redirecting the tension to where his arms were folded across his chest. “I don’t need pleasantries, I just need answers.”

“Answers I can give. But do you really want to go over multiple years just standing in the corner, more rigid than one of my Watch?”

Multiple years, what the fuck –

It was a terrible idea to let his guard down, he knew that. At the same time…it was one man. He'd handled worse before, and that was before he'd absorbed that damn astral tadpole.

Joseph let out a slow breath, forcing his arms to his sides with a low, “Oh, Lae'zel is gonna kill me…”

Gortash scoffed, his eyes lifting to the vaulted ceiling for a moment. “What, the gith that's actually trying to care about people?”

He'd gotten better, Joseph felt, at heading off the urges before they fully rose to conscious thought. This time it was a flare too quick to even notice – less than a breath before he realized he had thrown Gortash back against the wall, hand around his throat.

Joseph froze before the hand could tighten too much, but he didn't bother pushing down the quick snarl.

“You don't get to fucking talk about her.”

If there had been any kind of surprise, it was, infuriatingly, wiped away in a second. Gortash made no effort to pull the hand away; instead he leaned closer, reaching to grip the back of Joseph's neck as he laughed.

“There he is.” His voice was low, nearly a growl of his own. “That's my favorite assassin.”

Joseph jerked back, his left hand clenching as he fought to keep it from closing around the hilt of the dagger on his belt.

He could just kill the bastard now, right? Karlach would approve – though perhaps be disappointed she didn’t get to help. Get rid of one more cult leader, take his stone, one step closer to dealing with the giant fucking brain.

Could just kill him now. Should just kill him now. Cut that too-smug smile off of his face, decorate this stupid pristine office with a few sprays of blood –

“Who are you?” Joseph found himself asking instead, and he hated how weak it sounded. He could feel the urge in the back of his mind furious at the resistance, at the lack of blood on his hands even now.

Gortash didn’t look in the least bit fazed; he tugged his coat straight and brushed off a smudge of dust with a quick sigh.

“Even I have heard my own name in excess today,” he said evenly. “I think the more important question here is who are you?”

Joseph couldn’t quite bite back the short, harsh laugh. “I’ve been asking that since that fucking ship crashed. Keep meeting people who act like they know, but they always seem more willing to die than talk.”

“Well, lucky for you, my friend, I am always a fan of talking.” Gortash waved an inviting hand toward the armchairs by the fire, looking for all the world like he hadn’t had a literal spawn of murder at his throat a moment before. “Please.”

Something about the steadiness of his tone, the complete lack of any apparent concern about the man that had broken into his office, was enough to make Joseph deflate.

He had come here for answers. Maybe this time, for once, he wouldn’t have to kill someone before he got them.

#they're so normal i'm very normal about them #sorry tumblr i haven't written anything of substance in Months so i'm very excited to be managing. well anything at all #unfortunately for everyone involved it happens to be These Assholes #bg3 #durgetash #waggy plays bg3

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surftrips · 2 years

Text

gorgeous

pairing: jj maybank x reader

summary: y/n has been infatuated with jj maybank for a long time now and their paths finally cross at the annual bonfire.

word count: 1,063

author's note: 100% inspired by taylor swift's song gorgeous because who am i if not a swiftie?

Did you have a boyfriend? Yes.

Was it anything serious? No.

He was a couple years older than you and your friends, and you had kind of stumbled into the relationship by accident. He was new to the island and everyone had their eyes on him, and it felt good to be the one to call him yours.

However, now that the novelty of your new relationship had worn off, you found yourself increasingly consumed with a new infatuation: JJ Maybank.

So when you were invited to the annual Bonfire, you didn't hesitate to say yes, knowing that JJ would also be in attendance.

You and him had interacted a few times in the past. When you were younger, you went to one of those drive-in movie nights with him and the Pogues and he had touched your hand. It was dark, so no one else could see, but after that you couldn't stop thinking about the warmth of his hand on yours.

That was a while ago, and tonight you were hoping you could ignite some of that spark.

In order to be brave enough to go up to him, you had to get a few drinks in your system. So while your boyfriend was out doing you don't know what, you were slowly working up the courage to talk to JJ with each shot you took.

You looked at him from across the party and thought about how much you hated how cool he was. He was the kind of guy that everyone liked (except maybe the Kooks), but he got along with everyone else and always seemed to have a girl around his arm.

Hadn't he thought about the consequence of his magnetic field being a little too strong? How was any girl supposed to compete when he had a line of women waiting for their turn?

Anyway, you had somehow managed to reach his inner circle and were making small talk with Kie and Pope. You and Kie had been friends for much longer than the rest of the Pogues, but if she didn't know about your little crush on JJ by now, she definitely would by the end of the night.

The entire time Kie was talking to you, you kept stealing glancing at his gorgeous face. You hated him for it. In fact, you were furious that he made someone as confident as you feel this way.

You couldn't seem to say anything to his face, so you asked Kie if he had a girlfriend. "Why do you want to know?" she looked at you curiously.

"I don't know, just wondering, I guess."

"Well, the answer is no. You think if he had a girlfriend, they would let him flirt with half of the female population on this island?"

Pope added, "Besides, he is not the commitment type."

"I could change that..." you whispered under your breath. The fact that he was single was honestly worse, clearly you had a thing for catching guys that everyone else pined after.

"What was that?" Kie asked.

"Nothing!" You quickly downed the rest of your drink so she didn't suspect anything. "I'm gonna go grab another drink!"

Speed-walking away from what could've been an awkward conversation, you almost ran into a boy at the bar.

"Ah! Sorry!" You apologized and guess who turned around? Yeah, only the boy that you have been eyeing/avoiding all night, JJ Maybank himself.

His ocean blue eyes looked in yours and you felt like you might just sink and drown and die. Not to be dramatic or anything, but there was nothing you hated more than what you couldn't have.

"Oh, hey! Y/N, right? I haven't seen you in a while." He broke the silence that felt like ten years, but was probably only ten seconds.

"Yeah, that's me." Whenever you were around JJ, your usual extroverted self completely faded away. You completely melted under his gaze.

"Hey, where's your boyfriend? Last time I heard you were shacking it up with that new guy."

You tried not to act flattered that he was keeping up with your relationships. "Oh, he's around. Not sure with who or doing what. Don't really care."

He chuckled. "Care for a drink?" He offered you what was in his hand and grabbed another beer from the cooler.

"Yeah, thanks." At this point, you didn't know how much alcohol was in your system, but it still wasn't enough for you to speak to him like a normal person.

Not sure where this conversation or lack thereof was going, you avoided his eye contact and started to turn around back towards Kie and Pope.

"Hey- Y/N, wait." JJ gently grabbed your arm and pulled you back.

You felt like you were going to faint.

"How come you're talking to everyone here but me?"

He wasn't wrong. You were definitely known to be a social butterfly, so you had spent the entire night floating from person to person making small talk or just taking shots.

You snorted, "You should take it as a compliment."

Your answer seemed to throw him off, "What?"

What came out of your mouth was a surprise to you both, "I can't say anything to your face, because- look at your face! I hate you for making me feel this way... just being around you makes me so happy but it turns right back to sad when I realize that you're not mine."

You could see JJ mentally process what you were saying in his head. Out of all the girls he talked to that night, you definitely stood out with your boldness. He always admired that quality about you.

On the other hand, your brain was catching up to what your mouth had revealed and immediately regretted being so open to him. He was probably thinking about how drunk and lame you were being. "Listen- JJ, I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from. I'm just going to stumble my way home now..."

He stopped you before you made it another step, "No- hey. Will your boyfriend mind if I come along?" He smirked, having never faced rejection a day in his life.

You looked around and spotted your boyfriend with his arms around another girl. "You know, I don't think he will," you smiled, already making a plan to breakup with him tomorrow.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj x reader #jj maybank imagine #obx #obx x reader #obx imagine #outer banks #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #jj maybank x you

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gyuletters · 1 year

Text

the (not) money gang. | chapter 1

♡ pairing: choi yeonjun x kang taehyun x fem reader.

♡ synopsis: yeonjun just robbed a money bag he shouldn't have, leading the other two best-friends to be his accomplices. between love-hate relationships, cigarettes, parties and stolen money, what could possibly happen to this (not) money gang?

♡ genre: romance, thieves drama, angst, friendship, frenemies, suggestive.

♡ warnings: smoking (cigarettes), alcohol (drinking), swearing, make-out, yeonjun is a fuckboy, police, stealing, thieves, killing jokes, self destruction.

♡ wc: 1538

♡ inspired by: loser=lover mv and triple h concept.

♡ t(n)mg mixtape & moodboard.

♡ note: this is not based on yeonjun's or taehyun's real personalities whatsoever, i am not in anyway romanticizing any topics, english isn't my first language. <3

"number 0711" "number 0205" "number 0913"

the policeman called us, each one going to their own individual interrogatory.

"case 0034, the money gang." the officer says.

"we are not a gang." i answer confidently.

"mind explaining what motivated the crime?"

"i honestly don't know, sir. i just remember yeonjun coming home with a damn bag." taehyun explain.

"we were without any money, officer. it was my fault... at least at the beginning." yeonjun tries to hand the crime to all of us.

"what part did you play in the plan?"

"part? we didn't had parts. we didn't even knew 'a plan' was going on."

"well... i think they would say i was the executor." yeonjun says proud of himself.

"i was probably the smartest one." taehyun continues.

"ok. truly? i was the brain. without me those boys wouldn't survive for a week! you expect a group that has two men to have them as leaders, right? but they are just stupid assholes who can't even feed themselves without me."

"how everything started?"

"2 weeks ago."

living room lights on, bunch of papers spread out on the kitchen table, open windows, my usual smoking air infecting the night sky, taehyun doing maths trying to figure out how we would survive.

i guess this cold june will hit harder than we expected.

"we don't have money for the bills this month."

"i can't ask for any raise, taehyun. my boss is going feral with everyone."

"maybe i can try looking for another job."

"another? taehyun you already have two! TWO FUCKING JOBS!" - i start to get furious. - "you know who needs to help us more? choi yeonjun! he sleeps, gets free food, go out and fucks everybody…"

"you know what?" - i said walking towards yeonjun's room. - "he's getting a job today. otherwise i'm kicking his ass outta here. we’re not a fucking hotel.”

i start to bang the door and scream - "YEONJUN, WAKE UP! WAKE UP, YOU DIRTY ASS!" - the whole house was almost vibrating with the power of the punches.

"you're just gonna lose your voice this way, y/n." taehyun says worried about me.

"you're right... wait. i have an idea!"

i pick up a bucket and went to the kitchen to fill it in.

"sometimes i feel like his mother. i did not sign up to be a housewife."

i light a new cigarrete. the only way to calm down my nerves.

"this is gonna kill you someday, you know?" the man on the table points to my hand.

"i know... well, at least i'm gonna die without any anxiety left on my body and happy for killing yeonjun." a creepy smile shows up in my face.

a minute of silence goes by. only the sound of the water being heard.

i hate seeing taehyun so worried about this. he works twice as hard as everybody just so we can have comfort.

i’m sure this is not the life he imagined having when i proposed to him coming to live with me and yeonjun.

"if you are the housewife, this means i'm the husband."

"yes... NO!"

"what? we act like his parents anyway. i'm always working, like you as well. we are always trying to get him on the right tracks..." - he laughs - "we're almost like a married couple."

"keep saying that and i will throw this table on your head."

"yeonjun~" - i sing/talk like in a horror movie - "WAKE UP, JACKASS!"

i open his door but - "huh? taehyun, he's not here!"

“did he tell you he would spend the night out?”

"GUYS, WE ARE FUCKING RICH NOW!" yeonjun walks through the door.

previously | masterlist | next

💌: @impureperhaps, @nwjnzz, @csbenthusiast, @tatanbin

taglist still open! ♡

do not repost it.

#💋glettrs.©#t(n)mg.💸#tomorrow by together #txt #txt fics #txt x reader #txt aus #choi yeonjun #yeonjun #yeonjun fics #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun aus #kang taehyun #taehyun #taehyun fics #taehyun x reader #taehyun aus

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imreallyloveleee · 5 months

Note

it also took me way too long to finally watch BCS, i kinda knew stuff from gifs and all but actually seeing how it ends for Kim and Jimmy....wow wow wow. now that is quality tv!

i always saw my twitter bubble complaining about Rhea not getting award attention and never got it. silly me!

(sorry friend this response is going to get so much longer than u probably intended lol)

i can't get over how floored i am by both how incredible this show is, and how it is so so far from the expectations i had when i started watching it. (which was only like...5-6 weeks ago? lol i am nothing if not obsessive)

i enjoyed breaking bad but it probably wouldn't even make my top 10 tv shows so i just never had much interest in BCS. never really paid any attention to what i saw on tumblr etc, i don't think i even realized that like, mike was a main character on the show? i knew there was a blonde woman, that was about it.

and then my SO & i decided to finally watch it and BOOM i went from being like aw they're cute but it's def not gonna end well! around s2 to THEY WOULD DIE FOR EACH OTHER AND SO WOULD I by the end of s5.

and like, it's not just that this is a really great show that happens to have a really great ship. jimmy & kim's relationship is the point of BCS. it's what ruins him, and it's what redeems him. their relationship is the crux of the entire story being told across two tv series and a movie. without kim, there is no saul goodman, and without saul goodman, there is no heisenberg. and kim did not even exist when they made breaking bad!!! (and i am coming back to edit this and say: this kind of makes it sound like kim is just there in service of jimmy's story, which is not AT ALL the case, and it's even more impressive because her character could have so easily functioned that way in the hands of lesser writers.)

and then you read interviews and stuff with the writers/actors/directors, and see bits of the actual script, and instead of being like ok ok that's not what they were trying to do, i'm just a hopeless romantic, whatever death of the author etc etc, it's like - oh my god i'm right! THEY WERE! INTENTIONALLY! DOING THAT!

finally: Rhea Seehorn is UNREAL, i'm retroactively FURIOUS that she's received so little awards attention, and if she loses the Emmy next month (to someone from The White Lotus, no less) i will personally start a riot in the streets

#bronwynn #if anyone who hasn't seen bcs yet actually bothered to read this: yes you should watch it but also yes you need to watch breaking bad first #which is quite a commitment. but worth it!!!!!!#better call saul

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hopeaterart · 1 year

Note

Alright, I’ll prompt the crossover talk: What is the “slight canon divergence” you speak of?

Oh boy... I am going into this ask assuming that you guys have actually watched Danny Phantom.

Alright, so: Season 1 and Season 2 (up until the Ultimate Enemy double episode) are pretty much exactly the same, with the minor difference that, instead of Danny opening the portal because his parents put the button to open it inside the portal, they were both exhausted, forgot to plug in a critical part, Danny noticed it while going inside it and plugged it in, activating the portal since it hadn't actually been turned off.

Now, the Ultimate Enemy, Kindred Spirit and Masters of all Time episodes are all getting an... overhaul for Season 2.

The first part is Kindred Spirit, which has now been moved to happening before Ultimate Enemy. Besides that, it happens pretty much the same besides me fusing the other three clones to make another character, Niel. Seriously, the part where all the clones die is fucked up.

Then, Masters of All Time. Happens the same, besides this episode now being the first meeting with Clockwork. When Danny first comes to his lair, he finds his staff, is able to bullshit his way into opening a portal to the past, and from there the episode happens like in canon until he comes back to the tower to try and fix his mistake. Then, Clockwork is there, and absolutely furious at him. Do you realize the mess I have to fix because of you!? He calms down when Danny explains himself, accepting pretty quickly that he's just fourteen and trying to do the right thing. So, he restores the timeline as it was, and let Danny figure this out. Like in canon, he does, and things go back to normal...

... or do they?

Now taking near the end of Season 2: The Ultimate Enemy. First part goes more or less like in canon, besides maybe the whole CAT test thing. But the second part? Turns out, the perfect clone of Danny that died? Became a full ghost, and hellbent on ruining Danny's life for killing him. It go to the point that he killed Danny's friends and family, then hunted down Danny when he moved in with Vlad. Some insane shit happens, and Danny's future self is born, a cruel wraith hungry for souls. Clockwork ends up rescuing Danny once he gets the Ghostly Wail, and the two make a pact: Danny captures his future self, and Clockwork finds a no-bloodshed way to avert the bad future. That way is finding the clone (who I'm gonna be calling Dan), and essentially adopting him.

Oh, also, at the end of Reality Trip, Danny decided to let his parents keep their memories about the identity reveal.

Now, Season 3... oof. To make it short: the big ghosts (Undergrowth, Vortex, Nocturn) that we see? All of those disasters are a mix of blue-and-orange morality and testing Danny to make sure he'll be a good Ghost King once he dies (he did defeat Pariah Dark). There's more tests from ancients ghosts. Both Valerie and my version of Wes Weston (who's a conspiracy nut in general) find out about Danny's identity and pull a heel-face turn. I don't know how to end season 3. Phantom Planet doesn't happen.

Anyway, Saki's arc in Season 7 happens during Season 3, in the lull between Etoile's (Ancient of Magic, a powerful ghost witch) test and Ori's (Ancient of Destruction, not nearly as dangerous as his title would imply)

#answer #danny phantom #danny phantom au #dp au #tmnt:fhc #<- for crossover reasons

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clanwarrior-tumbly · 2 years

Note

For the Zardy’s Maze stuff, the reader is a farmer who lives on the property and is chopping wood when the axe slips out of their hands and flies into the maze, right onto an unfortunate Pumpkin Crawler that is just in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Pumpkin Jack is furious, and the only one who saw was Rattler.

- Mirror Anon

"Fuck-”

You were far too late to grab the axe as it slipped from your hands, flying through the air like a frisbee. All you could do was watch it soar over the fence and right into the maze.

It didn’t land on the ground or within the cornfield..

But right on top of a Crawler.

You got that confirmation as the shrill shriek pierced the chilly air; and in panic you opened the gate and ran to help the poor creature. But sadly it had already withered away, its vines shriveled up.

They die so quickly.

‘Goddamn it, talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. How am I gonna explain this to-?’

Suddenly a certain scarecrow’s boots thumped behind you, and you turned to see an infuriated Pumpkin Jack. His carved smile was now a frown as he noticed the rotted pumpkin remains, the light in his eyes dimming.

“I can believe it..” He scowled at you, pointing with accusation. “You broke our pact!!”

“It was an accident, Jack. I swear.” You tried to explain, keeping calm so he didn’t get even angrier. Panicking would only make things worse--you lived here on the property long enough to know that. “The axe just slipped out of my hands, that’s all-”

“Oh, and it “so-happened” to land on my precious Crawler?” He sneered. “How am I supposed to believe that?! For all I know, ya could’ve done it on purpose! Now quit lyin’...and maybe I’ll give ya a running head start.”

Sharpening his metal claws, he stalked closer to you. But you didn’t budge, knowing he wanted you to be afraid of him; you refused to give him that satisfaction, though you couldn’t let him kill you over a mistake.

“I wouldn’t break my pact with Zardy. How else can I convince you it was an accident?”

“..there ain’t. And now you just lost your chance to run.”

Jack raised an arm to swipe at you, but before he could even bring it anywhere near your face, a metal arm grabbed ahold of him. It yanked him backwards, sending him tumbling to the ground.

“Ouch! Damn it! I almost lost my head again!!” With a growl, he glared at whoever interrupted him, only to find a Rattler standing there. “Oh, whatdya want? I was just in the midst of-!”

However, they seemed annoyed with him and retracted their arm, making a few gestures while pointing at you. While you didn’t exactly understand what they were saying between all their clicking and rattling, you realized that they were a witness to the accident.

You were stunned a Rattler would even come to your defense--though you were grateful nevertheless. They basically saved your life.

“..are ya sure that’s what--? Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll take yer word for it. Only ‘cuz I trust you over a human. I won’t kill ‘em.” Jack shooed them away, sighing as he picked himself off the ground and brushed the dirt from his hat.

You stood there, slightly annoyed. “Now you believe me? I’m not after your Crawlers, Jack. I really am sorry. That won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Yer lucky we had a witness.” He huffed as he looked back at you, and then to the axe. “Just watch where you swing that thing next time. Go chop trees that are, y’know..away from the maze? We only got hundreds of ‘em around.”

“Noted.” You picked up the tool and smiled at him. “I’ll be on my way. Thanks for sparing my life, friend.”

“..just get goin’.”

#clanask #mirror anon #zardy's maze x reader #zm x reader #pumpkin jack x reader

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thegeminisage · 4 months

Text

it's tng update time.

we did. and you know this. because i made. i counted. 18 posts about it. "half a life." and of course: "the host" (honorific).

half a life: part of what makes the ep after this so wonderful is that THIS episode was so genuinely upsetting. it was a huge bummer. it was awful. the only fucking episode lwaxana troi has been in that cathy actually watched and she had a valid character arc. i was furious. and then we got into it and i was like. oh.

first of all, kudos to charles winchester from mash for being here. cathy caught a 4077 ref that i missed bc i wasnt paying attention. i cant believe he was gay when he did this

secondly. the fucking. ethical implications of. people who are infirm should be dead for their children's sake and for their own sake. like it's better to be dead than in a nursing home. when you're 60 time's up. parents care for their children so children should care for their parents. your aging parents are mortal and they'll die one day. your daughter wants you to kill yourself. you want to die and can't wait to kill yourself. you don't want to live and then you do want to live but you still have to kill yourself. you're 60. you're 60. YOUR DAUGHTER WANTS YOU TO KILL YOURSELF. when she is 60 your daughter WILL ALSO KILL HERSELF.

i think the most fucked up part of this was that lwaxana ruined him. she meant well, and for once i saw her point and her arguments as totally valid (i usually think she's horrible), it was like maybe the only semi-selfless thing she's ever done aside from the ferengi business we will not be discussing. but she ruined him. when he was fine with dying and he had to die, fine and whatever. when he wanted to live?? no longer fine. if he lives his people will hate him forever. his daughter will regret him living because he can't be laid to rest in the family plot. because he can't die with his friends and family surrounding him. but he's 60. people live to be well over a hundred in the star trek universe, other aliens live even longer. he's SIXTY. he's healthy. he has work to do. a planet to save. and he's gonna die knowing his work meant nothing and his planet might die and his grandson may have nowhere to grow up. live or die, he will be miserable either way, just because he was introduced to a different way of life. it's SO fucked up

i think i had more to say about this after it ended but i have clean forgotten all of it. like it's been blasted out of my memory which is probably for the best. the short version is, i am living at home taking care of my mother who turned 58 three days ago. i didn't need any of that.

but then.

But Then.

the host: what can i possibly. i mean. the sheer. the fucking

like the fucking MOOD WHIPLASH alone

i had heard of this episode years ago. so i knew beverly's bf was a parasite and he eventually jumped into a woman and i was made to believe she was super homophobic about it. i was prepared to look completely past all of this and enjoy not-quite-gay SUBTEXT. i was NOT prepared for ANY of the rest of it

to get this out of the way: as i said, though i miss wesley very much (ask catherine i say so like every episode) it's so fortunate that he was not here. i think bev finally hit menopause because her horny levels were CRITICALLY off the charts and this whole debacle would have been so awkward for him. i'm glad he sent her a letter god bless i'm so glad he's fine wherever he is

the BABY BUMP THIS GUY HAD. this i was not expecting. i didn't know we were doing pregnant men in this episode. i figured the entire episode would be about beverly being like "this is weird cuz idw fuck you now that you're a woman" i had no idea his ass would jump into RIKER

riker did amazing bg work in this ep too before he got to star. he gave beverly and her bf some KNOWING looks. at one point the following exchange was uttered: "HE knows they're fucking." "yeah he wishes it was him." apollo and the dodgeball.....

the fact that after that i literally did have the thought "yeah except he'd never fuck beverly. she's one of the few people who are off limits." lisa simpson dot jpg

and then riker's pregnancy, what can one say. beverly put a little worm in his body. i'm only sad we didn't get to see the baby bump because that would have been extremely funny

i spent the whole ep thinking no way can beverly fuck riker. they have to work together. she has to look him in the eye after this. AND THEN THEY DID.

like it's so insane. it's not even that i dislike the concept because the fallout could lead to some extremely meaty interpersonal drama except for the fact that star trek generally isn't about interpersonal drama and we didn't see riker again after he got possessed. we didn't get one word from him. the silence seems so calculated so as to avoid having to write his reaction. BUT I WANTED HIS REACTION. will he not tell us how it feels to be possessed and pregnant and FUCKING BEVERLY CRUSHER? genuinely this is the first time i've been tempted to look up tng fic. someone tell me there is fic

also, like, he only had 18 hours until he got a new body. she could have waited to fuck the new guy if she felt weird about it being riker. SHE didn't know the knew guy was gonna be a woman. like it had to be menopause

the fact that deanna condoned this, even suggested it, is INSANE. not only because she didn't consider riker's ability, or lack of ability, to consent, but because THAT'S HER BOYFRIEND. quasi-boyfriend. sometimes exes sometimes fwb. like it's NUTS.

their discussion was so wild too. like "what do i miss...his hands, his mouth...no, there was more than that" girl they were 5 more minutes away from discovering the split attraction model. actually i don't even normally like the split attraction model but this episode made me like it a little more. growth <3

actually on that subject quasi-exes are weirdly chill with each other on this show. picard and beverly are kinda dating and kinda not, the same way deanna and riker kind of are and kind of aren't. and picard is like...beverly whatever else i am to you i'm also your friend and i know this fucking sucks. do you want a hug. like that is SO chill and cool of him. and ik they probably do this bc they don't want to have to maintain character development but it winds up accidentally feeling really refreshing

anyway: The Woman

i can't believe that beverly can fuck riker, her "sort of "brother," but not this hot blonde lady. and i know it's because they can't be gay but ACTUALLY

i was SHOCKED that gender didn't come into it at all. like yes it was the elephant in the room but nowhere in beverly's dialogue did she say she couldn't do this because odan was a woman now. copypasting:

"Perhaps it is a human failing, but we are not accustomed to these kinds of changes. I can't keep up. How long will you have this host? What would the next one be? I can't live with that kind of uncertainty. Perhaps, someday, our ability to love won't be so limited."

NONE OF THAT MENTIONS GENDER. none!!! the only part that could be interpreted as a gender thing was when beverly said bring HIM in, and was smiling bc she was about to meet the new version of her bf, only for her smile to drop when she encountered a woman. you could sort of read it as "a woman will be even weirder than riker and i just don't have it in me to go through that acclimation process again" BUT LIKE. like she's CHOOSING not to. not that she couldn't eventually adjust. to a woman. beverly just found out she's bisexual fr

like the wrist kiss was SO SENSUAL. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. i can't believe they let two women do that on tv in 1991. holy shit. AND!!! they said i love you to each other. i did quite literally stand up out of my seat. it feels very progressive considering when it was written

and like it's a shame this was in the same episode where riker gets knocked up bc that distracted from the entire gay thing. i WISH the whole episode had been odan in a woman's body and riker had had his own episode to do all of that in later. like it would've been incredible. sexuality is fluid <3

anyway. wow. next time: "the mind's eye" and "in theory," two episodes i already feel sorry for because they will Never live up to all of that.

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb #good fucking lord.

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salmonandsoup · 1 year

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any other wisdom on the swap au (i am going insane over this au)

asdfkljghsui i'm flattered :""") i gotta thank @zzoupz for the amazing artwork in the first place, because it wouldn't have become a thing without their art ^^

but uhhhh, my brainrot has developed some things. gonna put this under a read more juuuuust in case bc it might get long!

well, i will say that i would envision it like a "two player" game, because gary and amy fight demons together—a MORTIS for her is a MORTIS for gary and vice versa. i'm tempted to say you "couldn't play it alone", but that's not very fair. but the bond between gary and amy is very important to the story

amy loses her family to john's cult, so she wants her revenge and to get them back from the depths before it's too late. while she really hated to leave the home because they didn't respect her choices or beliefs, and she was genuinely fuckin angry with them because they weren't listening to her and respecting her autonomy, she doesn't want them dead, and she's furious with how lisa and john circled like vultures and snatched them up into the cult

gary very much keeps amy at arm's length at first, because he knows how this shit looks from the outside (a nearly forty-year-old man opening his doors to an eighteen or nineteen-year-old girl when she's just been booted out by her family? sure it helps that he's a pastor, but ALSO you could argue it's worse cuz he's a pastor, depending on how you see the Catholic church). he doesn't want any harm to come to her, be it from cults or from catty bitches, and he's not going to add to it or give anybody any fuckin ammo to harass her—that part gets a COMPLETE 180 from how gary and amy are in canon and i stand by that. however, they do warm up and become genuine friends/father-daughter figures to each other and just. idk they're able to open up about their fears and experiences to each other and it KILLS ME DEAD to think about because multigenerational friends are So Fucking Important To Me and you can learn So Fucking Much from people both significantly older and significantly younger than you

i was also spitballing with @the-fool-s on some possible "endings" for the story, based on how gary and amy interact with the cult in general and how many threats they stop before confronting john and lisa. i'm still working on the logistics, but i personally want there to be a golden ending, a good ending, a neutral ending, and a bad ending—the bad ending leaves everyone who could die dead, the golden ending, everyone who could live, lives (though don't think anyone evades their justice!). still working out the logistics tho

#john loves you au #faith roleswap au #faith the unholy trinity #faith game #faith airdorf #faith #john ward #lisa pearson #amy martin #gary miller

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