promptfill for @clearlyclairesblog!
P.s. I don’t know if this is the direction you wanted, but here is what I ran with…
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Mercado
lestappen
Rated G for general audience vibes (and a bit of angst)
Minor mentions of drinking
1.2k words
(Also readable on ao3)
The supermarket is playing a mariachi cover of a radio song that Charles doesn’t know the name of, nor does he particularly care to. In the last year since he’s been to Central America he’s been racing in what the newspapers would call “beautifully”, “at a level that hasn’t been seen in over seven years” — and if the Twittersphere is also to be believed, “b for big slay”. But apparently it still, still! isn’t enough to beat the number one two nights ago at the Autódromo.
Charles swats away the thoughts. This is not time to dwell on the bad race. He is here to try and forget the bad race. He rubs his eyes and holds a bottle of what he thinks is tequila, the words abstract on the amber bottle. The lights are too bright in here, and the aisles too colourful. Driving on the track suits Charles because he can expend his energy hyper focused on what he needs to do, where he needs to go. It gives his anxiety a channel of relief, where high octane and being rabbit-quick serves a glorious purpose.
Here, in the real world, sometimes he is not so sure.
There are too many soda options that could go with the bottle that he's holding. (It behooves him, a son of Monaco, to at least have some kind of chaser. To keep this nominally classy, to make this self-pity show not entirely pathetic. Even Charles when sad has standards. Maybe grapefruit jarritos would make a good accompaniment for tequila and depression?)
Andrea would probably kill him, but whatever. There’s a reason Charles left the whole team at the hotel, wandered off with a cap and big hoodie in search of quiet time. Besides, abstinence from indulgence, in all its forms still hasn’t gotten Charles any further in the standings compared to last year. So he deserves a little boozy soda, non?
Of course, to add insult to injury, Max Verstappen’s face stares at him from a can of Red Bull. And of course Charles can’t help but laugh. Of all the endorsements in the world, of all the people to see now, it is the cause of his despair, Satan on hot wheels himself who deigns to make an appearance to haunt him in the Fresko.
That is what breaks him. It starts as a giggle, ends with his face buried in his hands, and Charles wonders what the world would make of him having un petit meltdown in the middle of a suburban supermarket.
“What the hell?”
The voice knocks him right off kilter. He would know that voice anywhere. No, it could not be.
But when Charles looks up, there he is. His rival, in the flesh. Equally in a cap and dark hoodie, holding a loaf of bread and a six-pack of Corona under one arm.
“Is that bread?” Charles says. He doesn’t know what to say, really. They do not share much off the track, him and Max. They live in the same city, but don’t cross paths. They are born sixteen days apart, but besides racing have almost nothing in common. They carted together for over a decade, fought in F1 together for almost another more and somehow Max has over quadruple the WCs and Charles has nothing to show for it except a couple of podiums, and maybe a lot of shame. (He tries not to think too much about the shame.)
Max, to his credit, doesn’t seem particularly ruffled about any of this. These days, Max has mellowed out, grown from defensive boy to assertive man, relaxed in his shoulders, laughs a little more easily. In contrast Charles finds himself trying not to sink into his car, to tell himself to smile more genuinely for the cameras that are now starting to feel more and more like a burden rather than anything fun, because years of expectation and being told you’re a winner, and for it to never be true, can gnaw at your self-esteem like that.
Slightly further down the aisle from him, Max tilts his head. “I was hungry.”
“That’s fair.”
“And thirsty.”
“Me too.”
Charles doesn’t miss the way Max’s eyes flick down to the shopping basket and back up.
“That bad, huh?”
That bad? Charles fumes to himself. Max doesn’t know what it’s like, he couldn’t possibly imagine what it’s like, to always be second, to aim for something and fight for it so hard, only for it to still fall out of reach—
“You raced really well.” Max says, factually. As if the sky were blue, as if the supermarket did not at all intellectually or spiritually affect his cognitive functions like it already has thrown Charles for a loop. Max pronounces his assessment as if it were an absolute, which is Max’s power, you see. To take destiny by it’s teeth and force it to heel.
“Evidently, what I did was not enough.” Charles says.
“You took every line that was needed.”
“I did.”
“Your tyre management has been the best I’ve ever seen it.”
“Thanks. But you were better.”
“Yes. I’m not going to apologise for that. You know well, how it is.”
Charles laughs, low, a little bitter. Yes, he does know well, how it is. “The rest of us are mice. Scrambling around the ankles of an elephant.”
Max, for his part, seems to chew on this. Shifting the bread a little higher in the crook of his elbow, eyes glancing but not really looking at the cans in the aisle. The music plays on for a few moments in the background, a cheery tune with lots of fast strumming. It’s a minor miracle that they’ve not been spotted, but this late at night, it seems the only person around is the disinterested cashier who is filing her nails at the checkout.
Somewhere in the distance the cashier coughs. Max taps the side of his thigh with his index finger, once, twice. Neither of them seems to know what to say.
Finally, Max yanks a Red Bull can off the shelf, closes the distance, and drops it right into Charles’s basket. This close, Charles can see the proud tilt of Max’s chin, the brown flecks in the other man’s eyes.
“A chaser.” Max says. Both of them aware of the double meaning. The drinks, their history.
Charles swallows. So fine, maybe it because it’s 2am, or maybe it’s the desperation. Here, face to face with Max, away from the cameras and the rest of the world, they can slow their strange dance, and Charles is able to say what he has really wanted to say. He wills it into his mind with more iron and fury than he truly feels.
“I will beat you one day, you know.”
His blood swims with it. He wills it to settle, to become familiar with the feeling, asserting himself in this way, speaking what he really means.
In turn, Max smiles. Genuine, this time, crinkling to the corner of his eyes. The rare ones he grants to the rest of the competitors on the couch after a good race, when he’s come off the track with fantastic pace. The one he has when he waves to his nephews.
Max doesn’t back off at all. He leans even closer. (Charles could count every lash. Tucks it away somewhere secret, somewhere with sharp edges that he can’t look too closely at, yet.)
“Absolutely, Charles.” Max says, all conspiratorial. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
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Longing
AO3 / Commissions / Links /
Warnings: hurt, no comfort, emotional hurt, heartbreak
Summary: Heartbroken, longing, sad, confused, Crowley contemplating their relationship and what happened after Aziraphale left for heaven
Tags my beloveds: @giosnape (let me know if you would like to be tagged)
a/n: Inspired by :
“We loved with a love that was more than love”
- Edgar Allan Poe / Annabel-Lee
“We loved with a love that was more than love”
Or at least I thought we did,
No, you didn’t or am I wrong?
I was fooled by our dance?
As we slowly waltzed around,
Never getting too close to the Sun.
‘Crowley, You are going too fast for me!’
You said once,
A couple of years ago,
When Queen roamed with my thoughts
To End it all.
Was I rushing in our endless fantasy,
Or else have I sinned again?
That quiet and fragile existence we painted,
Was it all only in my head but not in your heart,
That Fresko of us I thought you loved.
I miss you, Aziraphale still.
No. I know I did and still do,
Yearning for the safety you bring,
Those calm evenings at the Ritz,
Your little hums and giddy remarks,
As you order your next sweet course.
Oh how much I miss you Aziraphale still!
First you refused,
But over time you started calling me a Friend,
Then it became something more on your lips.
I sneaked into your life,
And you broke into my mind.
Day by day I’m sinking deeper into this tormenting dream,
Replaying that scene,
When our lips met with an abrupt halt,
And you made it clear that I’m not enough.
It’s too late now. It always is.
I wasn’t enough as an Angel creating the Stars,
And I wasn’t ample as a Demon by your side.
I’ve been wondering if it really happened,
Or my cruel mind playing tricks.
Did our lips really collide,
After you refused my Being this time.
‘I forgive you.’
You spat those words of venom into my face,
After I laid the map of my heart,
Sparkling in your Holy Light.
There I stood naked,
Maybe the first time after my Fall,
And you poisoned me,
Tossed away my Whole.
And yet I can’t deny,
I miss you Aziraphale still.
And yet,
I would gladly choose this saccharine death,
As an internal visit in Hell,
So I can speak and see you again.
Do you think I never dreamed before?
Even though I’ve been dreaming nonstop since our Fall.
Feeling you again, skin on skin,
Hearing your voice and relaxing.
Sometimes I wake up from a week-long nap,
Wondering if any of this happened,
If you left or if we kissed or even if our existence still jointly exists.
Then Memories ran me over,
Torturing me until I’m a motionless pity.
I miss you, Aziraphale still.
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