#freaking out with a friend about it because oh my god

[suiana]

lol am I allowed to ask for yan!fwb? or have you already done that? like darling isn't looking for something serious, just casual, but yan!fwb is already planning their marriage when they get darling inside their sheets

(yandere! fwb x gn! reader) (silly😜) (dom reader)

"can we just fuck why do we have to go out for dinner?"

"because... because it's for the plot?"

you stare at the male, deadpanning at him as you roll your eyes at his stupid answer. what plot? you two were just friends with benefits, why'd he need to bring you out to some fancy ass restaurant to eat?

and he even made you dress up?? what the hell?

don't friends with benefits just fuck and get it over with? that's the whole point isn't it? why's he treating you like you're his lover?

"dude this feels like a date."

"i- it's not!"

the male stutters, cheeks pink as he nervously offers his hand to you to escort you into the restaurant. you stare at it before slapping the hand away and walking in. geez, did he seriously think you were about to act like his lover? no way!

the male pouts, cheeks flushed as he quietly trails behind you like a little puppy. aw... his hand really felt lonely and he thought yours might be too ☹️ no matter, you'll be fucking him tonight anyways...

"ahem-"

the male clears his throat as he anxiously fiddles with his phone, walking up to the main desk. you watch in slight amusement as the receptionist and waiters immediately gush over him, carefully bringing the two of you to what seemed like a private room? woah, you knew he was rich but you didn't know it was like this rich.

"a-ah... you can order anything you want... I'll pay."

"thanks."

you mumble boredly, flipping through the expensive menu that you'd never have touched if it weren't for him. dawg maybe you'd let him dominate you for once... as a way of saying thanks.

...

nah. actually you think he'll break down in tears if you told him to dominate you. he's such a crybaby.

"hey-"

"yes my love?!"

the male exclaims, hearts in his eyes as you stare at him with the most disgusted look you can conjure. ugh, he's always like this! treating yoh like his lover, calling you petnames... is he delusional or what?

"firstly, don't call me that. secondly, what do you recommend?"

"o-oh... hm, i recommend the A5 wagyu and the caviar-"

you blink in confusion, brain not processing any of his words. god damnit, why was rich people food so confusing?! all these fancy names for a tiny plate of food?!

"you know what, forget it."

you mumble as you slam the menu shut. the male jumps slightly, whimpering as his lower lip pouts. aw, it's times like this where you can't help but think he's so freaking cute.

"ah... I'm sorry darling! w-we can go to another restaurant instead... oh i knew this place wouldn't be to your tastes and i-"

"i want you instead."

you cock your head at him, grinning as you make your way towards the flustered male. you drink in his delightful expressions, humming happily as your friend with benefits turns into a cute puddle of blabbering words.

yes...

you never were that hungry for food anyway.

and he would fulfill your hunger much more easily.

"hehe, you really are the cutest, aren't you?"

"oh darling!"

ah. guess it really is time to devour him. in more ways than one.

#yandere #tw yandere #yandere x reader #yandere drabbles #yandere concept #yandere scenarios #yandere imagines #yandere fwb #yamdere fwb x reader #gn reader #suiana rambling #suiana brainrotting

[dnpg-hiatus-survivor]

the air has shifted. i was able to sleep but still when i awoke my heart was pounding and i can’t breathe. because of… dan and phil.

maybe this doesnt mean anything. maybe im just a crazy phannie (well thats true no matter what happens but still).

however, this has happened to me before. twice. let me tell y’all about those times.

the first time, i want to say was august of 2016 (could be slightly off). i had been watching dan and phil for over a year but i was still pretty new to the phandom as a space. i was at my grandmas house just chilling upstairs when this photo hit the tumblr scene:

and oh. my. god. my stomach dropped. my heart started racing. i was pacing around the room going holy shit holy shit holy shit. this photo was a big deal at the time. it was dan’s first time letting his hair be natural at a m&g or youtube event. and, it was the first time ever we had seen dan wear nail polish.

when i woke up the next morning, i still couldnt breathe. the main thing is that i was surprised how much hold these youtubers had over my heart like jesus christ. but more importantly…

the. air. had. shifted. and i knew it.

this photo, to me, is the beginning of the soft launch era. it was after this that we got the halloween baking monster pops video, which entered our post baking universe. and it was after that we got the first gamingmas. but this photo, was the start of it all. the start of dan and phil tearing down the wall just a little and starting to be more themselves on camera.

the second time, is a bit more obvious of a shift. it was june 2019. the june video had been talked for over a year at this point. we weren’t really sure if it was happening or not. what it was. but we all had… ideas. but oh my goodness, the entire first 13 days of that month. i was just buzzing. i was freaking out. and i didnt know why!! well… i knew why. but surely two youtubers could not make me feel this way for two weeks straight. oh yes they could actually.

when this tweet happened:

holy fuck, i think i shit myself. i felt the air shift. like in real time. i could barely talk because my heart was pounding so fast. i was playing truth bombs with my friends (because yes i am the #1 phannie) when i read the tweet, i dropped my phone and started tearing up whispering “oh my god its happening” over and over again. did they think i was crazy? yep!

but y’all… the. air. had. SHIFTED.

anyway long speech over. what was the point of this. to tell you that my phannie brain is convinced that something is happening. the air has shifted. i know it has. it has before. what does that mean for dan and phil? i don’t know yet! we’re just gonna have to see :))

#crazy phannie spilling all her thoughts onto tumblr.com #phan #dan and phil #dnp #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #daniel howell #dan and phil games #dan and phil crafts

[foursaints]

hi saints it’s pavlov’s dog anon back at it again (so sorry for taking so long, but if u genuinely are serious about wanting a tooth charm…….i’d be very excited to make one) BUT what do we think about odontophiliac evan? like, i can’t stop thinking about it. i want him purposefully removing his lover’s molars and storing them in tiny jars to put on display. or he stares at barty with a completely unwavering expression and says, “i’m going to touch your teeth” and he just…jabs his finger into barty’s mouth and starts stroking over his teeth, pressing the pad of his finger against sharp canines…he doesn’t know why there’s literal warmth pooling in his belly because that guy does not feel Warm Things. i want evan pinning barty down to the bed and practically unhinging his jaw just so he can admire barty’s teeth. he’s got some 1800s old school medical bag, pulling out the most obscure tools just to poke and prod the inside of barty’s mouth. like i feel as though i’m going somewhere with this, and i need your Thoughts

tooth charm anon!!! how i missed you!!! oh my god yes please 🦷🦷. we could even match!

this ask is so gorgeous. the dynamic of Barty fondly holding himself in place while his Little Blonde Freak pulls out his molars with pliers, shoves fingers in his mouth, sucks his tongue, and generally uses him as a living doll to blandly experiment on is so crucial. i see barty as having really nice teeth anyway... evan probably asks to see them up close when they're "still friends", (barty is panting at this opportunity) and he finds himself sitting there with his fingers buried in barty's mouth, trembling and wondering why he's fighting the urge to give his front teeth a lick. asks barty to bite him hard enough to leave a mark he can study afterwards.

i'm firmly of the belief that dentist!evan has a collection of antique dental headgear, rusty victorian cranks & gags to keep his mouth open (professionally!!). you'd think he'd fuck him like that, but i think evan just likes to try out all his weird tools on barty to make him drool on himself, then scold him for being messy. and barty would call it unfair, if he could speak.

#I LOVE HOW we're just addicted to giving evan different paraphilias on here. and i have all of them too. #dentist evan tag #<- I swear to god I'm missing half of the dentist evan posts. but i put the ones i could find in here. we have a tag now #a

[hiemaldesirae]

LOOL YES!! That's what you get Alastor!! Cursed cat!Alastor adores Vox and would never hurt him. Honestly it'd be hilarious if Vox does an interview that night and the entire hotel (plus Lucifer) catches it and Cursed cat!Alastor is on Vox's shoulders just purring away and happily nuzzling Vox's screen and being happily petted and Alastor is gripping his fixed staff, grinding his fangs, jealousy leaking from him.

Charlie is pleased: "Alastor, I knew you could find that cat a good home! Thank you! =D"

Everyone else is fucking shocked. They know Alastor threw that cat at the Vees for entertainment and hell raising purposes (and in Husk's case, a way to try and get Vox to come back to him. Most of Alastor's schemes involving the Vees always, always revolve about getting Vox back.)

The interview is about a new product of Voxtech, but at the end of it, they ask about Vox's new pet and Vox just puffs up, proud as can be:

Vox: "This little demon just charged into the lobby, brutally attacking my staff! 2 or 3 died, I think 4 or 5 were maimed so I of course had to keep him! Isn't that right, Venom? (Cause Vox thought he had rabies....and he foams at the mouth when he attacks...so...and the V theme.) Isn't he precious?"

*sir is fine, for future reference. but YEAH, alastor would definitely be seething with rage- like whole fucking cartoon ass face too, he's NOT having the time of his life rn. why the FUCK was vox petting that hellspawn???? that should've been HIM ???????????

also venom is a perfect name for that little shit, honestly, though ill be fr i can only think of the. You know. Venom.

anyway whatever here's another writing snip. (vv short because i have morning classes tmw and im going to freak if im late again) you guys are greedy asf but whatever ill provide like any good father would

"Oh, dear... and he *kept* it, is that right?" Rosie gasps as she watches Alastor grip his hair tightly, head cradled in his hands. She giggles as she continues teasing the poor demon, "My, Alastor, isn't he quite the catch? Compassionate and caring to boot, not to mention that he seems to be *quite* popular among the denizens of Hell!"

"Rosie, my dear, please. Stop talking. For the love of God, stop talking," Alastor's ears flatten more as he begs his friend, Rosie merely laughing softly in delight as she watches.

"You can hardly blame me for being curious, Alastor! I mean, you always refused to take your sweet little picture box to Cannibal Town when the two of you were still talking... why, I had to learn of your dalliance through Mimzy! And, not to devalue my beloved's qualities, of course, but she's *hardly* the greatest source of information one can find-- I married her out of love, not for her communication skills."

"That *thing* probably has rabies," Alastor spits out, looking as if he'd just swallowed a particularly bitter pill. "I don't *understand* what he sees in it!"

"Well, it does look quite like you," Rosie points out leisurely. She takes a sip out of her teacup before continuing, "Perhaps he's treating it as a substitute for you? You know, in the way that some would treat their plushs like pets, he's treating his pet as... well, you."

Alastor narrows his eyes at her. "Vox *knows* that if he wanted to talk to me, he could easily just go over and tune into our shared frequencies. He's *replacing* me with it, Rosie, I just know it!"

"Hm... well, in that case, why don't you just go and make it clear to him that you aren't replacable?" Rosie taps the edge of her cup with a knowing glint in her abyssal black eyes, holding her good friend's gaze steadily. "You've never shyed away from confrontation before, have you, Alastor? Why be hesitant now?"

Alastor licked his lips, staring down in his lap before he picked up his own teacup and downed the liquid inside like a shot.

"Thank you for hosting me today, Rosie. I think... I've reached a conclusion."

A knowing smirk crosses the Cannibal Overlord's face. "Of course you have. I expect to be formally introduced to your lovely little muse soon, you understand?"

"Yes, my fair lady," Alastor rolls his eyes with amusement. "But you had better not try and take a bite of him."

"Who, little old me? I'd never, dear!"

"You had better not," Alastor frowns. Though his tone is joking, his expression falls flat.

Elsewhere, in the Entertainment District, Vox sneezes into Venom's fur as he cradles the fluffball of red fur. The freaky kitten turns to look up at him with a questioning look, but he only ruffles Venom's ears apologetically.

"Sorry, Ven. I don't know what came over me just now- oh, look at this! Should we get you this collar, or that one...?"

#ran rambles #chai writes #hazbin hotel #general asks #radiostatic #cursed cat alastor #the sneezing is because of the superstitition by the way #where if someone speaks about you you sneeze

[maxwell-grant]

Every conversation I have with her listening to her foreboding choir music makes me feel like I'm in a cutscene conversation with the Final Boss, except that conversation never ends, and the Final Boss won everything before I was even born, and it couldn't be bothered to show up so it just sent one of it's teeth after me to make small talk, if only to have me recoil before it's pleasing sharpness. I adore talking to her and it makes me feel sick and hollow. why is this game so horribly addicting.

#disco elysium #joyce messier #i'm in my first playthrough trying to avoid spoilers #freaking out with a friend about it because oh my god #i died of cringe as Harry about 7 times until I figured how to fix morale and upped Volition #still getting a bit confused at turns never played a videogame rpg before #been playing it for a week and can't stop thinking about it

[chronicowboy]

manifesting a s7 bi buck confirmation where the 118 are on a call and the victim/their friend/Random Civilian is getting annoyed makes a comment aimed at buck & eddie about "straight white men" and they both look offended then eddie says "do I look white???" and buck's like "do I look straight???"

how the others react (if at all) is tbc at this stage

i'm a sucker for inappropriate whisper arguments in the Absolute Worst of Situations so now all i'm seeing is eddie whipping around to buck when he says it with the widest doe eyes any human being has ever achieved and oblivious little buck waving the vic/friend/civilian off like "it's fine, could happen to anyone, you know" and then eddie's like "uh, yeah, it did, you're not straight?" and then it's like for the GA oh no are they going to do a kind of internalised homophobia arc for eddie where he re-examines his entire friendship with buck after finding out he likes men and yes he is going to re-examine his entire friendship with buck after finding out he likes men but it'll be the opposite of internalised homophobia (externalised homoeroticism)

#sami answers #very attached to their little whisper argument ive created in my head as hen and chim try to treat the patient #eddie: you're not straight? #buck: no?? #eddie: since when? #buck: since always eddie? i know you know how gay people work #eddie: but. natalia? taylor? ali? abby? oh my god you weren't like punishing yourself for being gay with them were you? #buck: no wtf eddie. you were there when i was explaining bisexuality to chris the other day. when i came out to him u know #eddie: im pretty sure id remember you coming out to my son buck #buck: why are you being so weird about this #eddie: because im your best friend! #buck: what and it's freaking you out that i like men? #eddie: NO! i'm freaked out that i didn't know. did you not think you could tell me 🥺 #buck: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW #and bobby's just live slugging it over in the corner like 'should i intervene or are they going to come to some realisations rn'

[shepscapades]

Hey! i’m really into the dbch story and i was wondering if doc and xisuma ever tell bdubs the specifics of why etho lost his memories, cause if they do that is prime self blaming angst for bdubs

I’m inclined to believe they don’t. Actually (and maybe I should do a small comic for this so more people see it) I imagine, once a month or a few pass and they finally return etho to bdubs as reset, I imagine they are VERY serious about warning bdubs not to try to force Etho to re-deviate— they don’t go into specifics, but they probably tell bdubs that whatever happened had to do with something that was emotionally overwhelming, and that forcing him to redeviate/not letting it happen naturally could trigger the same error. They have no idea what could happen so bdubs needs to be very careful and let Etho find himself again on his own.

Whether or not bdubs gets impatient or can only go so long before he doubts it would be that bad if he tried pushing Etho in the right direction is another story.

But yeah. I don’t think Xisuma or Doc really… tell anyone that this happened. Etho’s error seemed like a very specific one-off scenario, so it’s not something the other hermits should be trying to avoid or be careful about happening to their own android friends, and the only thing telling people would do is make them worried about the situation. All they need to know is that etho was broken and that they need to be careful with him. I don’t agree with their decision to keep what happened to themselves but I understand it I think. Xisuma “i don’t want to worry the hermits” Void and Docm “eh this isn’t the first time I’ve replaced this arm, people won’t question it” 77

#that’s a lie actually I think xisuma ends up telling Cleo :> #but only because Cleo is very smart and I think they should be close in this au :] #but no she would clock Tired Overworked Existential Crisis Xisuma in an instant #Cleo calls them both idiots and gives them big hugs and tells them they need therapy. also that they’re welcome by her place anytime to talk #it’s very sweet and healing to me #this is where “all things end’’ on Xisuma’s playlist comes in actually #oh my god I got so off topic #BDUBS IS GOING TO FEEL GUILTY NO MATTER WHAT THOUGH #like okay. technically #the reason etho shut down is because he was freaking out that everything was his fault #(last life—not giving bdubs a heart— trying to win for bdubs and then losing— coming back to s8 feeling like he can’t face bdubs—> #ending up leaving him alone when the moon hit #and bdubs was hurt by these things. no doubt #but bdubs just wants his friend back and maybe he’s a little reckless about it #bdubs hides his emotions behind cartoonish frustration and complaining but he feels bad #he feels like he should be doing more to ‘save’ etho and bring him back even though he was to #told* he shouldn’t #dbhc ask #dbhc #dbhc bdubs #dbhc etho #dbhc doc #dbhc xisuma #ask #anon

[foreversaba]

in case anyone worries that I just said I've discussed walrus fairy with my partner for two hours, it's not a fight discussion, we're just two autism-bained academia suckasses and we LOVE getting into long profound discussions, and right now is "how the fairy/walrus dichotomy of humans reflects their stances on religion (my argument, I vote walrus) and ultimately proves how dangerous thought patterns lead to the prevalence of scams (his argument, he votes fairy)

#everyone in both families is always so thrilled that we found each other to finally leave the rest of the family members alone #one day if everything goes wrong in our lives we can always start a podcast lmao #neither of us shut up ever and I love us #im tagging all posts about this with #walrus fairy poll #so that I can bring this up to friends later at parties hahaha #oh my god this subject and our drunk also debate-freak friends are going to fuel HOURS #like Im gonna say possibly twelve? #once at a party him and one of our friends stayed up ALL NIGHT discussing with a religious bloke who believed in miracles #and by all night I mean the party ended and I had to sleep over at the homeowner's couch because they talked until the sun was up #we arrived there at like 10pm and we left 8 the next morning #and the discussion was not over #so believe me fairy walrus is gonna last FOREVER #They've spent 3 or 4 hours last time discussing the effectiveness or harm of farmers killing snakes out of fear

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now #because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now #and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day #we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME??? #also it's such a waste of fucking water.... #idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off #but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up #and this is also something that happens multiple times a day #like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god #but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach #'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit #and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good #his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before #also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career #opportunities for him here (which is true) #and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here' #like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here??? #but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc #and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now #i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma #and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own #it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down #about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life #and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done #and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this #that has been made PAINFULLY clear #ugh this is so fucking horrendous #what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person #who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life #like explain it to me jfc

[catgirlriya]

started actually spiraling out today i am. unwell

#ri speaks #had literally the worst fucking day dude #found out i had to write an APPEAL. for a job i really want. because i failed a class last semester. #and then Moments Afterwards #fucking three people texted me #all at the same time. #and i love my friends i do #but it was truly too much #i was like. already freaking out and then #i was sitting there like. god. im the worst friend ever (<- did literally nothing wrong) #and then i skipped my night class because i was like fully starting to have a panic attack #AND THEN. someone emailed me back and “updated” me on something i ALREADY KNEW and i was like oh my god. i cant do this. #because like. i ALREADY felt guilty about that #and then that just compounded it #but its literally not my fault i knew. but whatever #and they literally wont care theyre like the sweetest person I've ever met #i went to dinner and was like. so fucking nauseous from stress #AND THEN. AND THEN. #i got home and started to feel better #AND SOMEONE FUCKING #DROVE UP TO THE SIDE OF MY BUILDING #GOT OUT OF THEIR FUCKING CAR #AND THREW A MASSIVE SNOW BALL AT MY WINDOW ONLY #AND THEN DROVE AWAY #like i just. what the fuck dude #i cannot i really just cannot #i think everyone thinks im crazy for like being weirded out by the snowball thing but they don't get it #like. fully none of my friends would have done that #and it was so specifically my window #like i just cannot fucking do this im having the fucking worst time

[morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy]

I have a migraine 🤪

#incoming vent sorry about it #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #life sucks and im so over all this shit #it's literally been the what like year from hell #so my mom almost died this time last year and there's been all kinds of fun ptsd like symptoms from that and then my dog died and then #everyone got covid and then i got a sinus infection because i can't do anything normal #now last week i was thinking about what i need to talk to my doctor about and I'm thinking about my symptoms and mom's like that sounds like #lupus which is what my mom has and now I've been so super stress sick and I'm just trying to chill and relax and my estranged family member #is trying to work their way back into our lives and throwing a fit cause we won't let them because they've threatened and tried to kill us #all on multiple occasions and i know the threats are going to start up again and I'm worried that this time they're serious #i know this is either going to go one of two ways and they're going to try to kill us or themselves and i just i don't know #i don't know what to do about it because we don't have any proof of these threats written down because they've all been verbal #my family doesn't really know what to do either but i know the getting a gun conversation is going to come up again #and then I'm going to have to outwardly admit that I'm not stable enough for that shit and then everyone's going to freak the fuck out and #ughhh god i just can't deal with this shit anymore it's all bad and it all fucking sucks ass #oh and I'm trying to give up for the day and go to bed so I'm looking for YouTube videos to keep my mind busy and someone i follow #is having to live post that they're trying to keep their friend from committing suicide because the friend turned it into a public thing and #the yt is trying to reassure everyone and it's just all too much #I'm too on edge I'm too triggered or whatever i don't know what the fuck to do anymore i just want to go to bed and sleep until everything #is magically better. also i have three publishers breathing down my neck for this book but i haven't been able to write in months because of #all of this shit and then i had the bright idea of starting a writing blog i have NO CONTENT for and just FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #i just want to go be a fucking snap under the ocean im done fuck all of this being a human fucking sucks and I'm exhausted #oh and also my brother for randomly offered a job I've been trying to get for fucking years so ✌🏽😁✌🏽 that's also doing great things for #me i am super proud of him though cause he's working his fucking ass off i hope he takes it cause if not i will punt him into the sun #but anyway I've had it officially! so good night tumblr stay classy #izzy speaks but i really shouldn't

[titan-god-helios]

ilosthimifuckinglosthimohmygodpanicattackherewego

#this is about my two most favourite comfort items - a small lamb figurine and a necklace from my favourite aunt with the star from a #necklace that my best friend gave me attached because the chain broke #AND NOW #TWO THINGS THAT MEAN SO MUCH TO ME #THEYRE LOST FOREVER IN SOME SPANISH ISLAND AND ILL NEVER GET THEM BACK AND IM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT IM SO STRESSED #at least ive still got my ring and the old chain from the best friend necklace #and my dysphoria hoodie is from my aunt #and i think the place i got the lamb from still has them #BUT STILL #its irreplaceable and that just fucks with me especially since it was a comfort item and id take it literally fucking everywhere and now it #just gone and im freaking out oh god #its okay ill be okay but just #aaaaaaaa #the autism goblin is NOT happy right now and he's making the anxiety goblin mad too

[readymades2002]

briefly confided in my mother (mistake i never learn from) about how i am very sad that my ability to have a social life in the world is tied entirely to my sibling, who will be leaving here soon, and how i do not have any other way to get out of the house and how i do not feel i have anything besides work and despite everything that came after, including an apology for saying it, the first thing she said was “well i don’t have anything else either” which is exactly what prevented me from saying anything earlier because i knew that and i know that she is very good at going “it is what it is” about the most miserable of conditions and so would never admit to being unhappy about anything even though there is so much to be unhappy about including having to raise me to begin with, and that she also gets annoyed when others complain or are unhappy about anything because SHE does it and so why can’t everyone do it. and. well. i am pretty nervous about what this means for my life (nonexistent) going forward

#it is a cold thing to say but i feel like i have like. a month to befriend my sibling's friends that will be staying here #enough to want to spend time with me or else i am never going to get out of this fucking household #i dont have many coworkers my age and even fewer that i talk to because i dont like talking to people very much #which is also a massive problem because i want to but i am weird and shy and not always a fan of people and again very strange #but i can barely functionally navigate the world on my own to an upsetting degree. if i dont have someone with me i cant do it. #i am kind of freaked out about all of this. i have today off and work late tomorrow and i wanted to maybe go out tonight #but i. can't. because no one here wants to and im fucking scared to death of calling (and paying for) an uber #and then being out in the world on my own. so i just get to stay here. #not even mentioning i am fairly certain there is a new wave of That Virus going around so what would even happen if i did #which is also fuckinggggg miserable i am the ONLY PERSON who wears a mask to work besides the deli department #drops head in hands im never going to befriend anyone im never going to go anywhere again im never going to touch anyone #i do not want to say this because i am a very repressed person but i am never going to hook up with anyone which is disappointing frankly #i can BARELY text anyone and i am often in too much pain to even walk to the one thing i can do alone which is the library #like. oh my god! my life has no meaning. i trudge along thinking 'maybe it will get better' #and its not all been bad i DO have kind of an almost social life when my sibling takes me to do things with their friends #i got to play dee n dee yesterday and it was cool even though i panicked a few times under attention #ive been able to do things. i have some coworkers i like or at least talk to. im very competent and people like that though they know #nothing else about me besides that im good at my job. #but having those moments of like honest to god Hope makes it feel infinitely worse the rest of the time when im just #staring at the clouds and the clock and thinking oh my god it was all for this and it was not worth it #whatever. classic post of buzz. this doesnt matter and i dont know what the point in talking about it is but i dont have anything else #a job im good at and hate and a blog where i complain and a death wish and thats all. an unbearable early 20s myopia #this is stupid im going to do something else since ive upset myself. AGAIN

[marvelingjules]

So for my HS best friend’s baby shower, I - with help from my mom - made her a baby quilt.

It wasn’t perfect; some squares didn’t line up quite right, and some of the binding stitching was wonky. There’s two colored squares I wish I’d swapped positions. But it’s soft and cute and good for the first ever quilt I have done.

And what really matters is she said she loved it, so. ☺️

I haven’t been able to see her in so long, so really it was nice just to get a chance to hang out for a bit.

#Jules rambles #Jules makes things #quilts #quilting #me getting hugs from all these old hs friends: Oh my god this is so nice I miss this affection thank you all #one of The Guys was there and two other girls from this particular friend circle and of course Flowers #I got more hugs in two hours than I have gotten in Ike two weeks it was wild but so nice #and because all of us in HS were just Like That my brain didn’t freak out about it! which was also super nice!

[snekdood]

if you’re so convinced you know what happened, then kill me.

#im not gonna be the one to do it.i might self harm but yall aregonna hafta kill me bc unfortunately i cant kill myself over a lie. #nor can i kill myself to appease assholes who are short sighted and are only out for bloodl #and will only ever actually question if they were wrong when im dead. #like go fuck yourselves. #since you're so intuitive and just *know*. how aboutyou kill me with that confidence #if you just know so well #i mean you would just know so well random personwho literally wasnt in the room when it happened #oh but you can just *tell* based on my vibes huh?? right? is that your metric? #yall are horrible people. please try to see your behavior from the point of view as you being a nazi doing this to trans ppl #how in tf is your behavior literally any different when you treat ppl like this in your own fucking community. #none of yall can coalition build for shit. #have fun with your hyper left friend group of 5 who agree on everything and god forbid one guy doesnt #gotta kill him or whatever yall wanna do to people #gulags the wall etc etc #freaks #im gonna continue to hate everyone i think because im still being given 0 reasons to trust and like humans #dont worry abt me 'leaving the left' im leaving humanity #fuck yall imma go swing from trees. #infact i can feel the politics leaving my body as we speak #i think ill listen to some kid cudi and smoke weed and not think about anything for 5 hours #just do nothing at all not even speak my truth or spread awareness of things #nah its cool #whatever dawg. #nothing matters after all. #oh the worlds gonna end? sorry iwas too busy becoming dependant on marijuana and watching dumb shit on tv to notice #oh well who cares #itd be cool to do something about it. but well. you see. #not much i can do to helpanyone or the world when the worlds letting me sink in mud #idk so uhm... bye. #fuck yall.

[thegreatestheaver]

still reeling from an awful hallucination I had last night at like 5am what the fuck was that

#eye dee kay hallucinations aren’t new but they’re always small and annoying typically #the scariest thing is when I hallucinate my phone ringing but it’s not actually ringing #but this was literally on a whole other level dawg #uhghghghghhh #I’m extremely paranoid abt just. someone hurting me. like. all the time #it used to be really bad I used to sit at my windows and just. watch. them for hours incase someone tried to break in and hurt me it was bad #I still get really bad about it especially in public but carrying a knife helps a little bit whatever #my ex always used to threaten to tell my mom about my issues (he had her phone number) right #basically. I hallucinated that him (and some other girl I know. she wasn’t related so idk why she was there) cut a whole in . #the screen of the window that I look out of the most when I’m losing my mind paranoid . #I also get really paranoid often about leaving things unlocked. the fear of accidentally leaving thing unlocked terrorizes me on the daily #so I accidentally left a window open. not a good start #then they cut a hole in the screen door n were about to come in my room and um. kill me #anyways yeah he was about to climb in my window and I was freaked out but I have. a knife on me almost 24/7 so I threatened him out to leave #I tbink i was also in some type of paralysis idk it’s rare but it’s happened sometimes. with the hallucinations. #he left eventually and then I could move again and ofc I didn’t actually move I was in my bed because it was 5am #um. I don’t wanna say I’m scared of my ex but. I’m kinda scared of him. like. irl. he’s really tall. and really strong #and could kill me . um #I Cut him off a while ago but he still knows my address and now I’m paranoid about that yay !!! #bleh #I wish I was still asleep but uhghgh activities #I already told my best friend abo ut it since I tell her Everything but oh my god #what the hell #I thought I was getting better ☹️ the main phone call hallucinations I had were becoming less and less #uhg