#for internal use only

[aubjornsnightmare]

grace of mind cataclysm: tree-of-choices layers, like in “Awful Hospital“ by bogleech

Waste of Seas cataclysm: switch from CMWGE-style to Nobilis-style miraculous metastructure, i.e. from limited MP pools to vast Cost pools

#fractured session #for internal use only #replay value au

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 4: Deranged Bedfellows

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.5)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #mdzs au #lan wangji #nie huaisang #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #This is the *first* part of what was supposed to be a much longer comic (LWJ's morning routine in full). #I'll finish the remaining part as a reblog to this post! I just think this is the funnier chunk. #Lan Wangji absolutely is the kind of person who has a perfect internal alarm clock for when it is time to get up. #He already has a dedicated sleep schedule. He is accurate within 10 seconds of 5am every day. #I think the Jiang disciples are most likely used to waking up around 6:00-7:00am #But the allure of having a guaranteed time keeper getting you up in the morning is worth the earlier hour. #I imagine they started outside lwj's door and slowly moved closer as the weeks went on. #Now LWJ has to cope with being way too warm in the night from all the extra body heat. #LWJ is not a fan of this but they scamper off immediately after he wakes up and they at least show initiative to follow routine. #NHS joins in only because he is a chronically heavy sleeper and needs this level of intervention to get up early. #His boldness would be a death sentence in the cloud recesses but here? Whole new game. #Yungmeng Jiang isn't a lawless land. It's just a land with different laws. #And one of those laws is to forcefully domesticate the catboy coded Lan boy through any means necessary. #Completely different tangent: I drew the thumbnail for this before I did comic 134. I then realized they had the same visual gag. #So I had to space this one out so it didn't seem like I repeated the waking up joke. That's my secret and all of you have to keep it. #And in my land the law is that snitches get itches (telepathically transfers hives onto your body)

[bitegore]

Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.

Don't do their work for them.

#red rambles #viva palestina #antizionism #i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites #i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine #as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel #and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT. #i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel #both from the inside and out #and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad #that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice' #if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it. #like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally #are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are #being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now #if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the #fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar #safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to #discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees? #i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i #work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up. #there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue #and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.

[chaotic-carnifex]

No hold on I'm gonna make an extra post about this:

I wouldn't choose to be alloromantic

If I were given the choice to either remain aro or become alloro again, I would choose aromanticism.

And I think a lot of people need to hear that.

#aro #aromantic #actually aromantic #safeforaro #alloromantics are encouraged to reblog this #aros aren't the only ones who need to hear that our orientation isn't a consolation prize #too many ppl - both aro-specs and alloros - think that being aro is okay only bc it's not something we choose #with the implicit belief that if we COULD choose then OF COURSE we'd choose to be alloro #bc it's clearly the 'superior' option #and honestly? it's not. #they're equally valid options and which one is 'superior' depends entirely on your own needs and preferences #and my preference is *being aro* #so if you're aro and you feel like yeah sure it's OKAY that you're aro bc you DIDN'T choose this #but if you could you WOULD choose to be alloro? #well maybe being alloro really would be better for you. or maybe it's just internalized amatonormativity. #and I cannot answer for you which one it is - the only one who can is you #all I can do is raise you the OPTION that it might be amatonormativity and then leave you to consider it #so this is for the aros who need to hear that option #and for the alloros who pity us for supposedly getting the short end of the stick #we are not a tragedy

[moonkhao]

Anything you'd like to say to the fans rooting for Sand and Ray right now?

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #my edits #i know he definitely did not say babygirl #but i guess he used a term that's more specific to thai fandom culture #and they then tried to translate it into something an international fan would use

[goated33]

It’s not my fault! I’m not to blame. It is that wretched girl, the witch who sent this flame!

Inspired by @sharkscene ‘s tags

#to be clear it’s not her going to hell it’s her being terrified of it #heaven isn’t threatening her either she’s just breaking down from fear #vaggies the one ending up in hell after this #this was supposed to be a shitty sketch. again. I need self control I need restraint #ten productive and healthy ways to deal with your severe internalized homophobia! one: Kill Her #[my art] #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #(vaguely) #lute #vaggie x lute #lute x vaggie #fallenwings #….. #luggie #it’s only implied but that Is what it is #Ik what the songs about but it’s real funny to imagine that she had (1) romantic thought about her sparring partner #and immediately freaked out like this #not the cover I initially had in mind but it’s the only fem one I can find that doesn’t. slur #(use a slur. I mean)

[exercise-of-trust]

seemingly cool fiber arts person i followed a little bit ago just put radfem shit on the dash, anyway the blanket statement that the only contributions of men to textile production are capitalist/exploitative and the only contributions of women are household-centric/victimized is patently untrue. while less of a documented presence, women in medieval europe [1] absolutely participated in weaver's guilds and commercial cloth production [2], and men have been participating in household knitting in all parts of europe for as long as knitting has been a thing there [3]. like i'm not trying to say women haven't been deeply excluded from economic opportunities in the textile trade for centuries but you cannot be making sweeping statements like that about everyone in every part of the world through all of history and expect them to be true. do, like, a basic level of research and have a basic understanding of nuance, i beg of you [4]

footnotes/sources/etc under the cut, sources are a bit basic because i just grabbed whatever was nearest to hand but they should suffice to prove my point:

[1] i'm only referring to western europe here because that's the only region i feel comfortable talking about in any detail without embarrassing myself. systems of medieval cloth production in european guilds are not gonna look anything like the systems of hundreds of servants employed to do textile production for a household in china. don't make categorical statements about everyone everywhere all at once, you will end up with egg on your face.

[2] quotes from "when did weaving become a male profession," ingvild øye, danish journal of archaeology, p.45 in particular.

england: "in norwich, a certain elizabeth baret was enrolled as freeman of the city in 1445/6 because she was a worsted weaver, and in 1511, a riot occurred when the weavers here complained that women were taking over their work" + "another ordinance from bristol [in 1461] forbade master weavers to engage wives, daughters, and maids who wove on their own looms as weavers but made an exception for wives already active before this act" germany: "in bremen, several professional male weavers are recorded in the early fourteenth century, but evidently alongside female weavers, who are documented even later, in 1440" -> the whole "even later" thing is because the original article is disputing the idea that men as weavers/clothiers in medieval europe entirely replaced women over time. also: "in 1432-36, a female weaver, mette weuersk, is referred to as a member of the gertrud's guild in flensburg, presently germany" scandanavia: "the guild of weavers that was established in copenhagen in 1500 also accepted female weavers as independent members and the rules were recorded in the guild's statutes"

[3] quotes from folk socks: the history and techniques of handknitted footwear by nancy bush, interweave press, 2011, don't roast me it was literally within arm's reach and i didn't feel like looking up more stuff

uk/yorkshire dales: "...handknitting had been a daily employment for three centuries [leading up to 1900]. practiced by women, children, and men, the craft added much to the economy of the dales people." (p.21) uk/wales: re the knitting night (noson weu/noswaith weu) as a social custom practiced in the 18th/19th c.: "all the ladies would work on their knitting; some of the men would knit garters" (p.22) uk/channel islands: "by the early seventeenth century, so many of the islands' men, women, and children had taken up the trade of knitting that laws were necessary to keep them from knitting during harvest" (p.24) -> this one is deeply funny to me, in addition to proving my point uk/aberdeen: "the knitters, known as shankers, were usually women, but sometimes included old men and boys" (p.26) denmark: "with iron and brass needles, they made stockings called stunthoser, stomper, or stockings without feet, as well as stockings with feet. the men knit the legs and the women and girls made the heels" (p.32) iceland & faroe islands: "people of all ages and both sexes knit at home not only for their own use but for exportation of their goods as well" (p.35)

[4] actually? no. i'm not begging for shit from radfems. fuck all'a'y'all.

#fuck it maintagging because i'm genuinely deeply annoyed about this #eta: un-maintagging bc after a couple days' reflection - i stand by the substance of what i said but i don't stand by my tone or attitude #shoot-from-the-hip reactionary anger is seldom effective and more to the point it's not a response of grace or love & i should do it less #aggressive linguistic prescriptivism #<- personal fiber arts category tag #<- that tag can stay tho i think this is an internal use only kinda post

[aubjornsnightmare]

tag change

from "dandelion polytrope" to "dandelion polytope"

#for internal use only #queu'dposting

[booasaur]

What using the tiniest bit of US leverage can do.

#us politics #joe biden #israel #palestine #free palestine #these people have been starving and dying for so long #many still surviving are beyond the point which they can be brought back safely from without medical help #and it took the killing of international aid workers to get here? #it's just so sad #there's no win here #no lesson learned #we can only hope this pressure mounts and stops things #especially with iran's counter hovering

[dumbsterbb]

do u mind if i take a seat here

જ⁀➴°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

{linkz for my socials & uncensored site}

#dumbsterbb #mine #lingiere #18+ only #egirl noods #spicy accountant #submisive and breedable #bd/sm babygirl #send asks #my face #kiss me #ilovewearingmensclothes #perfect butt #international women's day #women are superior #women are art #free use slvt #feetpics

[bishopony]

keychains coming to my kofi shop this saturday October 21st at 2 pm EST!

#mlp art #my little pony #keychain #merch #pinkie pie #rarity #rainbow dash #fluttershy #US shipping only for now </3 #just until I'm able to talk with my post office abt international shipping c:

[lovegrowsart]

katara's face before/during/after beating some dude's ass

#katara #pro katara #katara deserved better #atla #enough of this katara was forced to fight because of the war and her twauma nonense #she wanted to fight! she enjoyed combat and kicking ass!! #healing is a useful skill she has and obviously she uses it to help people because that's who katara IS #but she's never shown enjoying healing the way she is consistently shown to enjoy fighting #my hot take is that not only should post canon katara have been a prominent international politician #but that her and toph should've been the ones to pioneer bending as a modern combat sport #pro bender katara rights!

[basket-of-radiants]

And before you ask, no, spren do not qualify as dependents.

#damn should have done this last week and made a tax psa out of it #szeth #dalinar #the form hasn't been used in thousands of years but it is still part of the tax code #although it's unclear how much radiants bother to distinguish their stormlight spheres from their personal cash #so even nale himself would be the first to admit that it allows for radiants to hoard wealth unequally and unfairly #noted polymath szeth only needed one week to complete the course because he already knew about international tax laws from his childhood #all part of his well-rounded education

[eunnieboo]

hello!! just wanted to share a bit of news - you can now preorder signed copies of If You’ll Have Me through Brick & Mortar Books! if you’d like your copy personalized, you can leave a note for that too! links below for those interested~

♥ paperback ♥ hardcover

#if you'll have me #momo gardner #priscilla giang #art #shipping is available within the US only im so sorry international friends #i swear your time will come #ty for looking! #iyhm

[aroaceleovaldez]

emo Nico x scene Will Solace...

#pjo #riordanverse #nico di angelo #will solace #solangelo #i need them to be cringe (affectionate) teenagers okay #give me Will with a hardcore homestuck phase and streaks in his hair dyed with kool-aid and striped armsocks #date night is Will teaching Nico how to make kandi bracelets #if youve been here awhile you may know i am a scene Jason believer and the same concepts apply here #listen i just think. emphasizing Nico being emo and giving him a scene boyfriend #its very important though that only certain riordanverse chars fit the vibe to be scene kids #like i dont think Percy would be as much as i want him to be #its antithetical to his character (internalized ableism/bad self-loathing/keeps his head down) #Will and Jason on the other hand would use XD unironically and have a total ball making sparkledog fursonas #Alex Fierro. DEFINITE scene kid. Magnus is already just kind of a little emo. Sadie is a definite yes. Carter. maybe. #i think he'd be adverse at first but kinda get into it casually yknow. he'd dig kandi bracelets at least. #probably get really into linguistic breakdown of xD rAnDoM speech just for fun #Walt no but he could. like. i think he'd be open to trying it. but its not his default state. #Zia. doesnt have the energy but i kinda wanna see it regardless. i think itd be fun for her but on her own she'd lean more goth #Leo? maybe. depends. he's more into doing stuff ironically. Piper. yes. but specifically as an f-you to conventional fashion #Reyna no. Frank maybe. Hazel yes. Thalia maybe. Annabeth hmm. maybe #i think thats all the main casts. Alabaster? YES and i wanna see it. #anyways thank you for coming to my emo x scene ted talk and character evaluations in the tags