#everything else is between me and god

[stormyoceans]

VARITDA - maybe this is love [mv]

#jimmy jitaraphol #sea tawinan #jimmysea #varitda #NOBODY LOOK AT ME #JUST DON'T #i genuinely do not know what to say except that they have me moving differently #the only thing im gonna say about this mv is that it's so pretty and i want to gif it all #everything else is between me and god #these also look horrendous but i've been working on them for hours and i can't make them any better #someone teach me how to make pretty gif please #m: edit

[nnayomaise]

Mithrun art from animator Emi Tamura I owe you my life

Please support the original artist

#dungeon meshi #mithrun #mithrun of the house of kerensil #screaming. crying. everything in between. and here i thought i was only going to get a single glimpse of him before the season ended #also idk if theres some kind of etiquette about reposting animators extra work like this? i haven't looked if anyone else is reposting them #so let me know if i should delete? #other than that oh my god. the glimpse at his chest..the little lift of his cloak feels so self indulgent i feel faint

[kindahoping4forever]

Ashton on IG Story and Ai FM

#withholding comment for a myriad of reasons lmaoooo #5sos #5 seconds of summer #ashton #ashton irwin #ai ig #Instagram #video #ai fm #kh4f post #i will say i def needed to see his face today so thank you sir #and scruffy too 😍 #and also shoutout to that particular grateful dead shirt my beloved #everything else is between me and god and my dms byeeeeeeeee #ok edit bc he posted that last story just as i was about to post so I had to reupload my video #SCREAMING his version of 'ok i'm done lounging around time to go to target' is putting a trenchcoat and hat over his ratty tee #man of my dreams

[itspileofgoodthings]

so many people have said that as you approach your 30’s things start to fall into place but I don’t feel that at all. the closer I get the more it feels that everything is dissolving and falling apart

#it’s not all in a bad way! #I’m hoping Wendell Berry is right and it may in fact be that when we have lost our way our real journey begins #and there is something where in the dissolution of certainty God enters and directs us the way He wants us to go #and reminds us that we’re not strong and independent from Him but children in His hands #but I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss the certainty of 2018/22/younger Maria #I don’t quite know this new self #except for teaching everything is uncertain and I sort of daren’t pick up the colored pencils of life to do anything with them #I guess that’s what makes me really grateful for teaching #it’s firm and sure contact between me and the outside world #but everything else is just drifting and I am at sea! #anyways I am so sorry for putting personal self-reflection and analysis on your dash on this Easter morning #ewww ugh disgusting blegh I’m sorry #but trying to gain some clarity through words #Happy Easter! thank you for listening!! praying for you all

[dangerous-advantage]

headcanon that all of hua cheng's statues are taller than the actual xie lian bc before they reunited, xie lian was always taller than hua cheng

#i know mxtx places a lot of emphasis on hc having always *known* who xl is at the core of himself #and also idk if wu ming was canonically taller than xl (can't remember lmao) #but just like. hua cheng's experiences with happened (for the most part) when he was younger than him #and therefore shorter #idk just like... #the mental image of hc crafting sculptures of his god for centuries #desperately trying to craft a perfect copy out of imperfect memory #only finally meet xl wearing wedding red #and realize that all along every single one of those statues was off by a simple discrepancy in height. #like i don't even mean to imply anything angsty there i just feel so many things #the bridegroom scene!? i know it gets glossed over a bit in contrast to everything else exciting that happens between them #but just like hua cheng's thoughts about everything during that.... URGH #i have thought about writing that scene from his pov so many times holy fuck. the only thing stopping me is my own perfectionism #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #hob #heaven official's blessing #he looked up to him.... literally #xie lian #hua cheng

[tlgtw]

MGSV really is *so* misogynistic it is honestly hard to believe. It has ONE named female character, just one. And holy shit, the things they make that single woman do.

I don't know what happened. Or how Kojima thought what we was doing was defensible.

I could just link to the introduction of the SKULL snipers from Mission 28 Code Talker but even that I feel is so unbelievable to see with your own eyes that it would exit the mind as soon as it stopped playing.

Literally every criticism made during that era toward's this game is accurate. Every single one.

It might legit be the WORST example of "male gaze," literally literally ever. Out of everything.

If MGSV had outright no women in it whatsoever it would be better than what this is.

The cutscene for when Big Boss comes to Mother Base after not showering was what sealed it for me.

And the fact that there were people back then who thought they could defend this perhaps makes it even more deranged.

#mgsv #completely incoherent post #I love love love playing this game but holy shit #It is fucking unbearable. #Play it on your computer with the mod 'Take Me of the Grid + No More Timers + Free Deployment' installed #The game is legitimately hot garbage without it. #what the fuck happened to result in the difference between how woman are treated in this game and then... Death Stranding????? #Wtf??????? #its inexplicable #Kojima; as skilled a designer and director as he certainly is #is absolutely also a misogynist #I think MGSV is the hard fucking proof frankly #You can't make this. AND whine about how people refused to like it. That shit definitely counts augh my god #still a completely incoherent post #aough #i cant even put the words together #the actual moment to moment core gameplay is so fun its ridiculous #but oh my god everything else is SO so bad #how can I even like it? #I don't know. I do. but somehow maybe I should not ldjfjskjfsjkdf #dfjkbgjkdbflglbksbkfgbjkdsfbgbdfgbkjbjkdfbjkg #and it's still stupid as hell that you can't fulton yourself like you do in Peace Walker. Literally just to make you waste more GMP #to force you to depend on the online features. Which gives you millions of GMP at the drop of a hat #Evil game

[oh-meow-swirls]

was looking through old posts and i'm surprised to see that i seemingly didn't have any commentary on anything in 3 in chapter 7, 8 or 9, the posts related to 3's story go from "my first reaction when i saw yopple-bot was 'i love you. but also you are definitely the boss for this chapter-'" to "i have been in hell all day. hell being bada-bing tower." funny to me cuz those chapters are like, the best ones sdfkljsdfjfsdkjlfsdjkl-

#puppy rambles #yo-kai watch #yw3 #i love dukesville. yo-kai watch wild west. though also everyone in bbq talks like they're in the wild west- #i don't blame myself for not having any commentary on hazeltine mansion tbh. it sucks ass. i mean it's kind of fun but like #god is it annoying. i think using the mechanic of switching between nate and hailey for puzzles is a cool idea but. bad execution #very bad execution. it is so annoying #especially the section where you're in the basement and have to use the drill a bunch #... why are there prison cells in the basement anyways??????? i just realized how fucking weird that is- #i'm mostly just annoyed by the dining room puzzle tbh. i KNOW the fucking answers but verygoodsir is an ASSHOLE for some reason #and won't let me choose the FUCKING CORRECT DOORS #3's so fucking amazing tbh. i really wanna replay it soon. don't wanna have to delete a save file though #wish 3 had three save files like 1 and 2. i get why though i mean it's the biggest 3ds game klsfdjfskjfsdjksdf- #i wanna like. actually use my originyan for once. i might just end up using nyases ii instead tho fsdkljjdsfjskd- #i love every chapter in 3 after nate and hailey meet tbh. the bestie moments are so good #though also i don't think it was an amazing idea tbh. it means there's six main characters after that point #sometimes one character will go several cutscenes without talking at all. it's usually buck #he doesn't have any dialogue during any of the key quests in new yo-kai city. which is pretty amusing admittedly #i think the writers just forgot about him or something fslkdjdfslkjfsdljkdf- #i think my favorite thing related to that is like. during the stuff in bada-bing tower komasan and komajiro are there too #but they don't have any dialogue. which makes it seem kind of pointless #i get why they're there plot-wise but like. at that point you should either have them leave before you go to bada-bing tower #(esp since they don't end up in the ufo with everyone else. idr if there's a reason for that there probably isn't-) #(i think i slightly blocked out everything in bada-bing tower cuz it is so grueling) #or just. give them dialogue??? #i love 3 and all but it definitely has some problems- #which is why i'm so excited to rewrite it <3 for both of those reasons. i can fix things. and also it's the best game #just. full-stop. not just the best yo-kai watch. i just think it's the best game ever #that title changes based on my current biggest hyperfixation though sfldfsjdkslfdjkfdj- #i think i'd say my overall top 5 is like. yo-kai watch 3. deltarune. ummmm. fantasy life is up there

[acoraxia]

Friends/moots: i love this artist!

Me who was bullied and insulted for a long period of time by said artist: haha that’s cool

(This is a common thing)

#woof loupen #i just woke up and glanced at twitter and remembered #this guy insulted my line work and everything #vague tweeted about me on priv #and is overall kind of weird #lied about his age to get into places #ah yes the wonders of things #and i always find it funny when people redirect me to certain artists #because do i give off the vibe that I LIKE seeing weird ass shadopech stuff? #i like my qprs and everything else i like is between me and god (google docs)

[moe-broey]

I dare not speak it into existence but the ultimate monkey's paw moment for me is if Sharena wins next year but. She's done. By Yoshiku. Which actually feels like A VERY STRONG POSSIBILITY given her connections to Peony. 🧍

#fire emblem #feh #GOD. I WOULD NOT FUCKING RECOVER. I WOULD DIE. SO BADLY #I JUST...... CAN'T STAND THE WAY THEY RENDER SKIN ...... #LIKE IDK WHAT IT IS but there is a VERY FINE LINE between yoshiku and sencha skin rendering wise #and sencha does it SO WELL and yoshiku. #i'm so sorry. #i just can't stand it. #sharena #AUGH and that's not even getting into how over complicated and unfocused their designs are.............. #like the horniness comes first and everything else second. which isn't inherently bad #but man. esp as a shape language bitch and a character design bitch and everything that goes into that. #it just. irks me.

[cupiare]

i like. refuse to entertain any thoughts that maybe i just didnt come out right or theres something fundamentally wrong w me cause i don’t want to get caught in a self pitying mindset but i do wonder . what exactly makes me always end up in Predicaments with people why do i feel like the more honest i am and the clearer my intentions the worse they get across

#p #i am so desperately fighting this feeling of otherness i will NOT shut myself out #but god fucking damn it sometimes people make me feel so bad for apparently being so unable to resonate with them #i’ll make a very clear straightforward statement and they’ll be like By that you clearly mean this: #like no i don’t actually. what i mean is exactly what i said? #this constant social expectation to read between the lines of everything and then getting in trouble for taking things at face value #and the thing i say to be taken at face value always get misconstrued bcs ppl read between lines that don’t exist #i just feel slapped in the face after genuine efforts i’ve made to stop being an annoying bitch and picking everything apart to get to its #deeper meaning. now i’m suddenly made to feel like either a shit person or socially incapable #all cause ? i refuse to read other peoples minds and don’t expect them to read mine? #and me demanding the same honesty back is unfair also hence me being a shit person/socially incapable #thes things make my head hurt . should everyone elses values and priorities be respected except for mine. which is in my onion a very #reasonable adjustment for clear communication..? #Should i kill myself. yes or no

[opens-up-4-nobody]

I desperately need to be a scene kid for Halloween this year

#idk y but i suddenly realized that im an adult and could potentially buy the goth bullshit at hot topic #that 12yo me desperately desired. and then i was like oof but i like the contrast of color #like i think i really wanted to be somewhere between scene and emo really #but thrn i was looking at scene outfits and im like woof. this is the kinda cringe i love. all thr fucking patterns. all thr colors #i even have thr 1nvader z1m graphic tees in my closet... i think #i just dont kno how tf to do that to my hair and also i dont have actual makeup lol #but i must be a scene kid for Halloween. i want the most ostentatious outfit. oh god im gonna have to go to the mall #i havent been to the mall in ages. i need to go to hot topic and claires. is pacsun still around? do they still sell skinny jeans? #i feel like everythings all bland now in stores. where tf do i go to get early 00s and 2010s clothes #good will maybe??? oh god. its like 3.30am and my hormones r all fucked up so i was experiencing like the type of fear you have when youre #like a little kid in a dark room by yourself. its not fair. when my hormones shift it goes: im so depressed to im full of rage ill kill u #to the world is so fucking beautiful im gonna kill myself. like in a not worrying way idk how else to express the feeling. to the type of #unhinged and undirected fear that belongs to a kid who doesnt kno shit. also lil heart palpitations and sometimes feeling like im gonna die #its bullshit. y does my body hate me? ugh. at least ive got a Halloween plan now #unrelated #oh god. dont let me cut myself bangs. im trying to grow my hair back out lol. im an emo with no bangs

[sleepy-stitches]

cleaning my room is so much effort but oh well its not like anything could have been done to reduce that <- FOOL WHO HASNT CLEANED IN OVER A YEAR

#this is not a moral judgement on myself or any others. for the record #i had other stuff going on and even if i didnt that is between me and god #that said. jesus fucking christ man. i didnt really register how bad it had gotten #i am slowly finding things that i thought had been lost to time which is good but also hahaaaaaaaa oops #its fine. every day is an adventure for me. tomorrow i have to finish cleaning around my shelves and then start on the desk #because if i have those two done then everything else can be sorted away nicely. it only gets easier #fuuuuuuuuck oh i have to work out moving my dice shelf dont i. it didnt even register but like i do have to take that. it was custom made #thats the only furniture i have actual emotional attachment to everything else in here kind of sucks #i will miss my bookshelf a little bit i did save her from doom but she will serve better here than she could where im going #sorry we have got to that point of comfortable on tumblr where i just start fucking saying anything #original post placeholder tag

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[espectres]

Shou's selflessness issues got to be his fatal flaw and it's literally so funny to me cuz it's not the stereotypical "I'm a hero i should die for all the strangers i dont even know" or smthing so noble and beautiful like that nooooo. It's the way he's so content with all the shit he's been thru, the way he just rolls with the punches, makes peace with the difficulties, and even if he ever decides to make a change it's never really "this is bad for me so it must change" it's just the " im responsible for this this is something i should do", his standards for what he deserves and what he doesn't has long since been kind of fucked up by how little anyone made effort to keep his best interests in mind, he has been bossed around and pushed into corners and limits over and over without a choice, he has never been truly seen and understood and taken seriously, and he ended up ignoring his own feelings for the sake of doing things he believed he had to do even if he never wanted to.

Shou never wanted to fight his father, he neved wanted to face that fear, he never wanted his father to be taken away from him in any way, but he believed that he had to fight because he has powers, he has to do things this way because it's what his father deserves, because Shou has this brilliant disfigured sense of morality that only he can understand where hurting everyone and himself to a degree is excused as long as his father gets what he deserves, it's a duty! a responsibility! and the only way he knew how to do things, because no one has ever told him that it's ok to not face all of this, it's ok to escape when it gets bad, to think of yourself, to run away.

And it's the same sense of selflessness that doesn't allow him to think too hardly of something he has with someone, he's so ready to look past red flags as long as he's content, and he's so .. easily contented ... he is genuinely so forgiving and rarely holds grudges, it's not something he works on, it's something that comes naturally, especially when he really loves, but also in general regards to almost anyone and everything. He may get hurt but he forgets, let him love and he'll forgive, he's just simple like that, there is not much more to it. And it only gets worse when his sharp senses of intuition and perception and survival instinct just get yeeted outta the window when he gets attached.

#“SHOU'S PARENTS ARE BAD HE DESERVES BETTER-” they're all he has. #have you thought abt that ???? abt how much you're asking of him??? for someone to let go of what little he has ????? #he makes me so unwell #idk if i get the idea thru alright but this is by no means smthing good to happen to him #it's just how he is after years of being in a really terrible environment and yeah it sucks #will he do smthing abt it? probably not #he needs to learns and change the baseline for how to treat and be treated and everything in between cuz on god does he not know shit #anyway i needed to talk abt this after reading a couple fics and one of them had shou get attached to a rabbit #and it nearly kills him #and he just doesn't see it coming at all when EVERYONE else sees it #just because he loved the thing sm and it made him happy #there is no spell or curse or anything it just the way shou is #hhhhhhhhhhh #WEEPS FOREVER #ショウ ; i realized that youth is grey. / headcanon. #ショウ ; what a cruel adolescence. / study.

[starsonmarsy]

bpd sucks

#truly #it's a neverending war between me myself and i #and we are all always losing #fighting the urge to react in harmful and unhelpful ways #trying to avoid feeding into self fulfilling prophecies #when all i want to do is to run and scream and cry and implode #knowing that it will make it worse #fighting against the twinges and thoughts #i will not make things worse #but god is it fucking hard when the destructive mean voice is louder than everything else #vent

[quietwingsinthesky]

Benny: Thanks for not giving up on me, brother.

Dean: Don't give me a reason to.

(im going to throw up)

#DONT GIVE ME A REASON TO. DONT GIVE ME A REASON #'benny's the only one who has never let me down' #HE DOESN'T EVEN GET THE CHANCE TO HUH #BENNY IS DEAN'S MANIC PIXIE DREAM VAMPIRE WHO NEVER DISAGREES WITH HIM OR DOES THE WRONG THING #its sooo. its so pointed. its. this whole parallel sam to benny is so. im think i hauve covid #dean constantly hammering in to sam's head that He Failed. He Failed. He Let Him Down. He Failed. He Broke Everything Between Them. #and benny. benny. oh my god. #don't give me a reason to... #oh to live in the alternate reality where benny does fuck up and fucks up bad #what does dean do then. if his vampire friend was put up against the wall by hunger or a hunter #if he had to lash out. even if he didn't want to. is dean gonna stand by him then? #or does benny go join the long list of people who have let him down. and dean pulls a machete. #how quickly does that trust bleed out huh? how easily do you break a bond that hasn't been tested beyond battle and clandestine meetings #maybe it does happen and im just not remembering that it does. god i hope so. i need to see them get messed up. #dean/benny is so good and messy to me actually. #benny doesn't even know these expectations are being hoisted on him. he's never there when dean talks about how everyone else in his life #failed him. benny just thinks this is a normal (well. 'normal'. they were in purgatory. and probably had wild bloody sex in those woods) #but a normal friendship. and has no idea he's on any kind of pedestal. god. terrifying. imagine being pushed off a cliff you didn't know yo #were on the edge of. that's the situation benny is in rn #anyway! fun normal show for normal people! #benny lafitte #dean winchester #spn