#even the crisis hotline barely showed up

[notfullyfunctional]

Yeah so i tried the whole get help thing turns out there fucking isnt any

#even the crisis hotline barely showed up #plus not the help im talking abt but my ''buddy'' always so empathetic and caring and wouldn't bat an eye if i died esque #im just pretty much out of options #its funny yknow? #get help #dont kill yourself #there's other options #and YET #theres still this lackluster kinda maybe we dont need to do that but if nothing happens im going to die. thats it #cant keep running down dead ends #im talking to a wall here which is. fitting i guess. #nff

[1dpridefest]

We want to extend a massive thank you to everyone who participated in the first ever edition of the 1D Pride Fest! Whether you submitted a prompt, wrote a fic, created some art, or reblogged everyone’s works, this fest would not have been the same without you, and we thank you all for helping us celebrate Pride Month together!

Links to all of the fics and artworks that were submitted as part of the fest can be found below. Don’t forget to show our authors and artists some love by leaving kudos, commenting, and reblogging their lovely contributions!

We hope you all had a happy Pride Month!

🏳️‍🌈✨🏳️‍⚧️

Artworks

🏳️‍🌈 Collaboration between @wendersfive & @broken-beak-flower-feast

🏳️‍⚧️ just get there your own way by @nouisforlife

🏳️‍🌈 Drawing by @harryshandbag

Fics

🏳️‍⚧️ Hold Me Tight (Or Don’t) by @hellolovers13

Falling in love with Louis is easy enough.

Separating Louis from the singer persona Harry has been a fan of for years, however, is not.

But she's not the only one making assumptions.

🏳️‍🌈 The Magnificent Ms. Malik: A Brand New Era Starts Here by @fifthnormani

In 2013, 1D records the Best Song Ever music video and Zayn feels different after he puts on his Veronica outfit. He doesn't know what to do with these feelings or what they mean; luckily Niall is there to help and gives Zayn a new word that opens up a world of previously unimagined possibilities.

Ten years later, in 2023, she calls Niall up again to tell him her new name.

🏳️‍⚧️ Ask Him by @fxckingprincesspark

When Lewis Capaldi gets pressed for information on who he's dating, he admits it... he's been seeing Niall Horan. The only problem? He jokes so much that no one believes him.

🏳️‍🌈 Inner Crisis by @neondiamond

Louis calls an LGBTQ+ crisis hotline after coming out as asexual to his friends and family doesn’t quite go as well as he’d hoped. Harry answers his call.

🏳️‍⚧️ you made my heart stop by @itsnothesameasitwas

Don’t you ever feel like your life has been perfectly composed until one day it wasn’t, that everything seemed more than fine but it was not, because sometimes as simple as it might sound or look, it could change your life?

OR a Heartstopper AU, but in HarryandLouis Universe.

🏳️‍🌈 somewhere in between and not at all by @greeneyesfriedrice with art by @alphalouis

He’s always known that he’s some sort of queer. There’s no doubt about it. When he was younger, he loved the feeling of his sister’s pantyhose on his legs, and loved to play dress up whenever he could. But it never went any further than that, and as he got older, he hid that part from himself. There were more homophobes than not in his school, and he couldn’t risk anything getting out.

While he was hoping that he would become more involved in the gay scene, he wasn’t expecting it to happen so immediately. He’s barely been in NYC for two days, and he’s now surrounded by all different types of men and…others? God, he isn’t even sure what to call them. He really doesn’t know much.

(or, Harry is new to NYC and discovers something about himself, and Louis is there for him. Always.)

🏳️‍⚧️ Paint A Rainbow Inside My Heart by @cyantific

A story about hiding in plain sight and the journey to revealing your truth, told in six acts.

Or, the five times Harry queer coded with actions, behaviors or clothing and the one time he was too proud to hide anymore.

A 5+1 fic.

1D Pride Fest Collection on AO3

#1d pride fest #final round-up #1d pride fest masterpost #pride fest fic and art masterpost #thank you to all the creators! #happy pride! 🏳️‍🌈

[sublimecatgalaxy]

❄️ The Home of My Blog ❄️

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Welcome everyone!

I decided to make a nice, big post regarding everything on my blog. I figured I would stress myself out and take the time to make this for your guys ease and comfort.

Everything you could ever possibly find will be on this page, anywhere from my masterlist to my DNI list.

I want to take full advantage of this blog and use it for multipurpose reasons, the biggest percentage of it being dedicated to writing (duh).

Happy browsing and don't forget that my mailbox and ask box is always open to those with questions, taglist joiners, concerns, ideas or one who's in need of advice.

New Schedule

LINK TO NEWLY PUBLISHED BOOK!!! PLEASE GO BUY AND SUPPORT!!!!

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• • • • • • • • • • • Links • • • • • • • • • • • •

List of Works: Blurbs, one-shots, multi-part works, and everything in between. This will most likely be updated on a regular basis, every few days, twice a week sometime around that time.

Prompt List: This is a list of different quotes and different situations/tropes that I created for you guys to pick from to hopefully make requesting things easier. All you have to do is copy and paste the quote and say with what character you want or you can just put the number next to the quote or situation.

Character List: All the people I write for, fiction and non-fiction from all types of works and genres. This will most likely be updated on a regular due to my fascination of new books, movies and television shows.

Little Bit About Me: This is just a little thing about my past with writing, my past in general, my pronouns, my relationship status. Things that if you wanna know, it's here, if not, I don't mind either.

Instagram- @ elizabeth.a.scott

Back Up Account- @sublimecatgalaxies

• • • • • • • • • • • • Info • • • • • • • • • • • •

Do Not Interact List:

Hello! Below you will find a list of things that I will not write, no questions asked. Please read this carefully before making requests.

Negative sexual situations- This includes rape, non-con, or anything revolving around mean/angry sexual situations, it's extremely triggering. Occasionally I will get bothered with writing smut as I am a victim of rape and sexual assault.

Anything too dark or bordering on abusive.

Threesomes- The only three-way/polyamorous relationship I write is steddie x reader.

Self harm, addiction or active eating disorders- I don’t have to explain this, it’s triggering and something that I, and a lot of people, struggle with. I don’t want to romanticize it by making an “x reader” revolving around an eating disorder, addiction or self harm. This will depend on how I'm feeling and what I'm experiencing so bare with me.

Suicidal ideation and/or vivid thoughts of suicide- I'm not in the right state of mind, ever, to write this so please do not request it. It makes me severely uncomfortable.

Anything yandere related

Cross Fandom Fics: Even with AUs, I like to stay wuthin the fandoms so this includes mashups of different fics.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Request List Information:

Requests will close after my inbox has reached thirty requests. Even if that means requests are open for a day and a half, if it hits thirty, I will be closing them.

Do not send me a book of a request please. I like to have wiggle room to actually be creative but if you guys just send me paragraph after paragraph, it's hard to actually do anything with it, expand upon anything and it's so overwhelming.

Have your ideas ready to go when they're open and I will put out a notification telling everyone that they're back open when they are!

Please be patient with me in this realm, my life is very up and down and I try to keep up on it as best as possible.

Also. I don't do shoutouts.

• • • • • • • • • Helpful Links • • • • • • • • • •

Crisis Text Hotline: Text HOME to 741741

Alcoholics Anonymous: Website Here

Narcotics Anonymous: Website Here

National Domestic Hotline: [phone]

National Sexual Assault Hotline: [phone]

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: [phone]

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (deaf or HOH): For TTY Users: Use your preferred relay service or dial 711 then 1-800-273-8255

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[wilwheaton]

I'm back in that place where I keep wishing I would either wake up from this life, or not wake up, every time I go to bed. Do you remember where that list is -- the things you should do before you kill yourself, like, drink water, have a nap, eat a snack -- all the things you might give a miserable toddler before they throw a tantrum? I was looking for it, because I feel like I'm drowning, but also I'm just so very tired of working so very hard and only barely keeping my head above the surface.

I am so sorry yo’re struggling. It sucks.

As someone who’s been there several times, I want you to know this and hear it and believe me: The suffocating feeling of everything just sucking and feeling like it’s never going to get better IS A LIE. Depression lies.

I don’t want you to hurt yourself. You are worthy and you matter, even if you don’t feel like it. I know, because I have felt these things, too, and here I am to show you by example that the lies our wonky brains tell us are not true. 

Would you do something for me? Would you please contact a professional who can give you the guidance and support you need right now, so you can get through this? 

Talking about killing yourself is serious. It is forever. There’s no coming back. I’m glad you reached to me, and now I want to help you connect with someone who is qualified. In America, you can contact NAMI, and speak with a counselor who will help get you connected with resources to support you right now, while you’re in crisis.

Or you can contact one of these suicide hotlines in The United States

Crisis Text Line Text HOME to 741741 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 Trans Lifeline 1-877-565-8860 (for the transgender community) TrevorLifeline 1-866-488-7386 (for LGBTQ youth) Veterans Crisis Line1-800-273-8255, Press 1

In the mean time, the things I do when I’m struggling include:

Making sure I have eaten

Making sure I am hydrated

Taking a short walk, even if it’s just around the yard or to the corner.

Reaching out to my support network when I’m in crisis so I can get the help and support I know my friends and family will give me (even if my mental illness lies to me and says they won’t)

I spend time with my pets, especially my dog, because she loves me unconditionally and only asks for walks and food in return.

Taking a shower REALLY REALLY REALLY helps. It’s not a magic wand, but it always improves my mood and general sense of bleh by several steps.

I hope this is helpful to you. Again, I am so sorry you’re struggling. I know that exhausted feeling and everything else that comes with it. But I promise you that it’s not forever. I promise you that you are not along, and that you will get through this. 

Please don’t hurt yourself. You are loved and you matter. 

Check in with me, okay? I’m here.

#burnerforvulnerableasks

[kpop-cakepops]

Help// Johnny Seo

Anonymous asked:

“heyyy! can i make a request? Since i love suffering can i ask for some heavy angst with Johnny but with a happy ending since my heart is still weak? I'll love you forever if you make it possible💕”

(I had to repost this this way because for some reason the post couldn’t be found when I searched it on the search bar.)

word count: 2,864

WARNINGS: Toxic relationship (mental/emotional a*use), mentions of drug and alcohol a*use, attempted su*cide.

SPECIAL NOTE: If you are someone that is in need of instant help or that is battling su*cidal thoughts or abuse, here are some resources that might be of help. You are loved.(( Domestic violence crisis hotlines  Su*cide prevention Crisis Centers ))

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It was complicated, to say the least.

Whatever type of bond you'd managed to concoct with Johnny Seo was twisted and cryptic and muddy and unlabeled. You found yourself often spending nights tangled in a spiral of lust, sweat and limbs with him, only to wake up the next morning and find him gone.

Uncertain.

If you had to describe Johnny with one word only, you'd choose uncertain. One moment he was by your side, the other he was gone. One moment he wanted to hold you and tell you about his dreams of making it big, the other he was in your face yelling and screaming rabid hell your way... just as he was doing right at that moment.

"MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T WHORING YOURSELF OUT TO JUST ANY DUDE THAT LOOKS YOUR WAY, MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE THIS MAD!" he screamed.

You, however, only walked past him. A numb expression plastered on your face.

Used to it.

"He offered to buy me a drink and I accepted. Get the fuck over yourself." You grumbled as you flopped on your couch and started to work at the strap of your heels.

"I don't think you're understanding here. I don't  like it when people look at or touch what's mine." He fumed. His volume was lower, but the anger and bite were still there, almost like he wanted to hurt you with his words.

He did.

"You're so unfair." You let out as you stood up, your height now dwarfed by his due to your lack of heels. "Do you have any fucking idea how I felt when  I saw you dancing with all those girls?! ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY, JOHNNY."

He held onto your wrist stopping you from stomping away from him. "Why, were you jealous?" He asked with a raised brow looking down at you provokingly.

"No... no I wasn't jealous but I did wonder why I had to put up with someone like you on my fucking birthday. I wondered why I keep wasting my time here when I could be with someone that will take me seriously. Someone that only has eyes for ME and who would be okay with just laying in bed with me and hold me-" you choked up unable to continue.

It was always the same. He'd yell, you'd yell back, he'd poke and prod at you until you cried. A cycle.

You shoved past him and stomped into your bathroom ready to shower and praying he'd be gone by the time you got out. You weren't exactly lucky....

By the time you stepped out of the bathroom you found Johnny sat on the ground, his back pressed to the side of your bed. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled barely audibly.

You ignored him and stepped up to your dresser. Your reflection only causing a tear to roll down your cheek as you untangled your hair. You really wondered when your reflection had become something you hated.

Warm hands wrapped around you from behind. Johnny's chin now resting on your shoulder. "I'm sorry... I really am sorry that I'm this fucked up. I'm sorry."

You remained silent as you stared at both of you in your mirror. It seemed that the 2 people you'd been when you met 2 years before had disappeared. "Johnny... what are we going to do?" You finally ask.

His eyes meet yours on the mirror and you could tell he's confused. "What?"

"In the future. What do you want? Who do you want to be?" You pried his hands from your body and turned so you were facing him with your arms crossed.

He was scared.

"I don't  know." He admitted. "What do you want?"

"I want to fall in love" you admitted looking at the ground. "I want to fall in love, I want to get married... I want to have a family."

Something in your words caused Johnny to lose his breath. "What does that mean?" He asked.

"It means that I'm scared, John. I'm scared that I'm gonna be stuck being in love with you all by myself for the rest of my life. I'm scared that I'm gonna be stuck chasing after you all my life. I don't want that." You finally let out.

Johnny didn't like it when you talked that way. It scared the daylights out of him to hear you talk about commitment and a family. Why couldn't life be simple? Why couldn't love be easy?

"I..." he couldn't bring himself to say it. He knew he loved you. He knew he wanted you to be with him forever. You were, after all, the reason he was sane and sober. Yet to you, his lack of words meant he didn't.

"You understand that I can't do this forever right?" You finally asked. He wasn't looking at you, his hands were clasped to his sides and his eyes locked on the ground. You waited for him to say something, anything to stop you from doing what you were about to.

"Johnny?" You asked almost pleading him to speak.

He didn't.

"I think you should go." You spoke again. He visibly flinched at that. His eyes finally snapping up to meet your teary ones. "This isn't going to work. I don't have the strength nor the patience to do this anymore. You can pick up your things some other day, but for now please just go"

"Y/N-"

"Go." You groaned not wanting to give in. You knew that if you let him talk he'd somehow convince you to not end things the way you were.

So he left and didn't return. Johnny had gotten the message very clearly. You didn't want to see or hear from him and he tried to understand.... but why was his heart hurting as much as it did. Why were people asking him if he was okay? Why was it that whenever he fucked some random girl in a bathroom stall of whatever musty club he'd stumbled into, all he could think of was you?

Why would he cry?

It would stop at some point, right? He'd stop hurting and crying over you someday, right?

Right. He stopped.

He wasn't sure what scared him most, the previous pain of not seeing you or the fact that he was no longer feeling anything at all. The fact that he was numb all the time and every single emotion he showed was a half-assed reflection of what his friends and the people around him were feeling... yet none of that was real, none of those feelings were his. Johnny couldn't even pinpoint the last time he'd genuinely laughed in the past 4 months... the 4 months he'd spent away from you.

Falling down a spiral of old bad habits is exactly what Johnny found himself doing. Medicating and drinking until he was hallucinating about you, it was the only way he could feel what he used to feel. It was the only way he could see you.

It's also how he found himself calling you in the middle of the night.

"Hello?" You groaned.

"Why do we have to have a label?" He asked, voice slurred. "Why can't we just continue to say we're just friends? Why do we have to complicate shit so much? No one labels shit nowadays, why do we have to be different?"

"Johnny?" You asked. The sleep was gone out of your voice as soon as you realized the state he was in.

"If you want to hear it so bad, then yes. I love you. I fucking love you" he exclaimed into the phone. "At first I just wanted us to fuck but-"

"John, you're drunk. Where are you?" You snapped already putting on pants to go look for him.

"Let me fucking finish!" He yelled causing you to freeze on the other end of the line. "At first I just wanted us to fuck. You were hot and you were fine with it... but then suddenly, I stopped medicating and you gave me the spare key to your house, I was spending nights at your place talking to you about my stupid fucking dreams..."

He stopped talking and only then did you realize you were crying. You were already on your way to his apartment which was only 2 blocks from your complex. "Johnny?"

No answer.

A sense of panic invaded your senses and you started to run the rest of the way to his place hanging up the phone you found his spare key almost immediately above the door frame. Your panicked form stumbled into the dark apartment and towards his bedroom. The stench of alcohol took over the entire place, almost as if he'd purposely filled every crevice of his apartment with liquor.

"John?!" You called.

There was no answer but the soft sniffles coming from his bedroom had you instantly running his way. Sure enough, there he was, resting against a corner of the dim lit room. His knees were up to his chin and his arms were splayed to his sides with his phone laying  several feet away from him.

"Shit" you mumbled and walked up to him. "Johnny. Hey, can you hear me?" You asked as you took his face into your hands. He was running a fever.

"Y/N. You have to run away. Love isn't shit. Everyone leaves in the end, Y/N you need to run before you end up like everyone else" he sobs.

A tight knot forms in your throat as you hear him cry. It was a first and you hated it. You hated it to no end. "Johnny, you're running a fever. How much did you drink?" You ask trying your best not to cry. If you cried you'd lose it and what Johnny needed was help, not another reason to feel bad.

The intoxicated man pointed at the splay of bottles across from him and you cursed internally when you spotted what seemed like an empty xanax bottle next to the many bottles of liquor. "Oh god... oh my god. Oh God, did you take that?! Johnny did you take the xanax with the alcohol?" You wanted to scream.

You needed to take him to the hospital.. Your shaky hands reached for your phone and you instantly called 911 to get an ambulance to his place as soon as possible.

Everything that followed happened as if in slow motion. There were paramedics and an ambulance, people asking you questions, but you were too shaken up to even form a proper sentence.

When you got to the hospital you called Taeyong, Johnny's best friend. "Y/N!!-"

You cut him off instantly, "Tae, Johnny was medicated and drunk. I don't know how much he took but he's running a fever. I'm freaking out please come to the hospital. Taeyong I'm scared." you cried.

"What do you-"

"ASK QUESTIONS LATER TAEYONG, I NEED YOU TO PLEASE COME TO THE HOSPITAL!" you yelled still on the brink of having a mental breakdown.

Almost two hours had passed and you found yourself still sat in the emergency waiting room, your hair unmade as you waited next to Taeyong for the doctor to come out and tell you what room Johnny would be moved to. You had cried yourself dry by then, Taeyong's hand rubbing up and down your back to calm you down until you were both silent.

"Why did you go see him?" He asked.

"He called me... he didn't sound okay"

"When has Johnny ever been okay?" Taeyong countered.

You didn't answer because you knew he was right, Johnny had never been okay. Not before you, not with you and most definitely not after you. You used to think that you were doing him good by letting him depend on you for his well-being... and yet there you were waiting for him to finish getting his stomach pumped or suctioned whatever they did in cases like this.

"I thought I was helping him" you mumbled.

"Johnny needs professional help, Y/N. We can't help him alone, you can't help him alone. Look where we are. What would have happened had he not called you?" Taeyong snapped.

You could feel his angry gaze on you and you knew he had every right to be angry. Everyone around you both had warned you, everyone had asked you to be careful... but you both chose to go your own toxic way. You called it 'loving intensely' when in reality you were both so in love that you didn't know how to properly show it, instead playing a game of cat and mouse. Chasing, capturing, yelling, fucking, apologizing, never truly valuing the feelings you two really felt for each other... why? Because it wasn't cool? Because other people told you that love wasn't a real thing? Because labels were fucking stupid and both your parents were divorced and bitter?

"I know." You whimpered.

"John Seo?"

You almost sprinted towards the nurse as he called out Johnny's name. "That's us."

"The patient is stable. Had you come in an hour later we wouldn't have run into the luck we did today. He's going to be moved to an observation unit shortly. Just go to the lobby and they'll give you the number." The nurse looked at you sternly as he spoke. "And miss... if you and your boyfriend are seeking help, we have many programs we can recommend. We wouldn't ever want to see a young man like that lost to an addiction."

You looked over at Taeyong who was staring back at you knowingly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Johnny woke up only a few hours later, you were seated right beside his bed. Your head resting on the edge of the soft bedding, eyes closed and breath shallow. You were asleep.

Johnny's eyes took in his surroundings. His daze dissipating and final realization coming to him upon hearing the light beeping of the heart monitor beside him as well as the slight tightness of the IV stuck to his arm. His head fell back into his pillow and he wanted to scream.

Your eyes opened instinctively at the slight movement. "John?"

He looked down at you and met your eyes for the first time in 4 months. To say he felt suddenly disarmed would be an understatement. He wanted to rip that IV out of his arm and drop to his knees in front of you. Beg for your forgiveness. Tell you that he... loves you.

"You almost..." you trailed off. How were you supposed to bring it up? There was a tight knot in your throat and a horrible twisting of your stomach.

"I know" he rasped out, taking you by surprise. Your worried eyes moved to meet his teary ones. "I know because I was planning to go"

It was like all air had been suddenly knocked from you. "y-you mean... that was supposed to be goodbye?" you asked.

He stayed silent for a few seconds. "It was. Then I heard you screaming my name and I realized that I didn't want it to be. I realized I didn't want to die."

You weren't breathing. How could he... how could he want to end it all? How could he be so willing to throw his life away. Your throat was so tight as you bit back sobs. How could you have failed him this bad? "Johnny, I love you," you murmured as you felt his large hand take yours. "I'm so sorry, Johnny. I don't want you to die. I want you to live. I want you to be okay. I want us to be okay."

"Can we be okay? Haven't we done too much?" he asked shutting his eyes. He wasn't sure if he was tired, or if he just couldn't bear to look at the dark circles under your eyes. Probably caused by him.

"We've done too much of the wrong things and not enough of the right ones, Johnny... I want us to get better. We need help." You uttered. "Let's get help. You and me, professional help. They have so many programs, so many rehab centers to help people like us."

He didn't say anything to that. Johnny knew he needed the help, but he wasn't sure his ego would ever allow him to get the help he needed, especially if it meant being away from you again... Yet one look at your tired form did it for him. One look at you triggered the dark memories of the previous night. The way you cried by his drugged up, almost dead body. He remembered how much he wanted to live. He remembered the future he saw slipping through his fingers when he thought he'd be gone.

"Okay"

You looked up at him, he was avoiding your gaze, but something deep inside told you he was being serious.

"Let's get help... let's get better... and when we do, let's properly meet again, and give that future you want- no, that future we want a shot," he answered giving your hand a squeeze.

Relief invaded your entire being, a sigh of relief leaving your lips unconsciously. "Okay... we'll give it as many shots as you want."

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SPECIAL NOTE: If you are someone that is in need of instant help or that is battling su*cidal thoughts or abuse, here are some resources that might be of help. You are loved.(( Domestic violence crisis hotlines  Su*cide prevention Crisis Centers ))

#Johnny suh #john suh #johnny suh au #johnny suh scenarios #johnny seo scenarios #johnny nct #johnny suh nct #nct one shot #nct 17 #nct #nct u #angst #johnny angst #johnny suh angst #johnny suh one shot #johnny seo one shot #johnny suh fanfic #nct fanfic #fanfic #nct angst

[petite-ely]

Together

Pairing: JJ Maybanks x female reader

Warnings: mentions of social anxiety and other mental health issues, slight swearing and slight mention of underage drinking.

A/N: this story is mainly based upon my own experiences and struggles with anxiety and social anxiety. I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing mental illnesses. If you need help you can always talk to me or contact crisis hotlines. It gets better, I know it. (Also this is the first time I post on tumblr and I am a very anxious bby please send feedback, it would make me very happy, okay thank you.)

Summary: Reader has been suffering from social anxiety for a long time. One night, everything falls apart and she hopes nobody notices.

Word count: 1,700 ish

This represents y/n’s thought and this jj’s.

Picture found on Pinterest, all credits to rightful owner.

It was a typical Friday night in the outer banks, the pogues had organized yet another kegger and the party was roaring. Y/n was sitting on a hard lump of wood, enjoying the music and the dancing flames of the bonfire. You could even see a soft smile drawn onto her lips. She felt good.

That changed quickly. One minute she was fine and the next she couldn’t feel anything anymore. Emptiness. It was all she could feel. Like she was nothing but a large void. It felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of her lungs, leaving her breathless and frightened.

It happened more and more lately. Small moments of disorientation where she couldn’t feel anything at all. These episodes usually happened when she was alone and didn’t last very long, but this time it was different. It felt much worse.

You’re so disgusting, and pathetic.

Not wanting anyone to see her in this state, she left silently, ashamed of herself. It’s not as though anyone would miss her anyway. She wasn’t very popular. She had friends, of course, but not that many.

There was John B, a friendly guy who everybody knew because, well he was John B.

There was also Pope, who was kind and smart, but that everyone knew because of his father Heyward’s business.

Then there was Kie, a cute hippie girl with a passion for environmental issues. Born a kook, but a pogue at heart.

And finally there was JJ, one of the best surfer in the Outer Banks. He was well known for his charm, being a pothead and his tendencies of getting into fights with kooks.

The five of them hung out almost every day and yet if you showed a photo of the group to an islander, they probably wouldn’t be able to identify y/n.

She was invisible, unseen. She was that one girl who was always with the four pogues. The one who nobody chose for projects. The one teachers never picked on. The one who no one noticed. She was nothing.

As she was sitting on the damp sand, small waves crashing onto her bare feet, tears began to roll down her cheeks. She wanted to scream, tell the whole world how she felt, but no sound came out. She couldn’t speak. Only her breathing was heard. She couldn’t move either, and yet she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.

-

“You better reuse that plastic cup Maybank, or I’ll make you eat it,” threatened Kie, after JJ placed his empty cup on the ground.

The boy rolled his eyes and threw the red cup at his friend. “Keep it safe for me, I’m going to find y/n.”

“She was sitting by the bonfire, like five minutes ago,” said John B.

“Well not anymore,” muttered the blond when his eyes landed on the empty seat.

JJ wandered around the boneyard, looking for his friend. A bad feeling started to grow in the pit of his stomach. So after looking around the boneyard for more than half an hour, the boy became more and more worried.

Biting off the nails of his hand, he scanned the crowd once more. Y/n and him had been friends since they were little and they knew each other better than anyone else. He knew that she would never leave a party without saying goodbye.

Where could she be, he wondered, taking his hat off to run his hand through it.

A sigh of relief left his lips as he saw the small silhouette of his friend, sitting on the beach, away from the party. As he got closer, he noticed the shiny streams on her cheeks he remembered how distant she had been recently.

How she smiled less frequently and how she didn’t talk as much. How she didn’t eat as much and how her leg was always bouncing under the table. How her fists we’re always closed tightly and how tired she looked. The dark circles under her eyes and the nothingness in her gaze. It was like she wasn’t there anymore.

JJ’s face twisted into a sad expression. He felt bad for not noticing it earlier, like it was his fault. It pained him to see her this way, in such a distressed state.

He sat next to her, making her flinch in surprise. “Hey,” he spoke softly, “are you okay?” She wiped her tears away and nodded her head.

“Y/n, please don’t lie.” His voice was small and full of empathy, like he felt the same way she did.

So pathetic, even when doing nothing you’re hurting your friends. How could anyone love you, she said to herself.

“I- uh I-“ she tried to speak but failed, choking on her words.

Panic filled the girl’s mind as she was suddenly aware of what was happening. Her heart tightened in her chest and pain shot up in her rib cage. Her hands were shaking even more and her legs felt numb.

JJ noticed how her eyes were filled with fear and how loud and uneven her breathing had become. She was having a panic attack. It had happened a few times before so he knew how to help her.

“Hey, hey hey,” he placed his arms around her and held her tightly. “You’re okay. I’m here with you, okay? Everything is going to be okay. Now I want you to listen to my voice and do exactly what I say, can you do that?” She nodded, JJ gave her a reassuring smile.

“Okay, good. Now every time you feel a wave crashing on your feet, I want you to take a deep breath and when you feel another one coming, you let it all out, “ she nodded once more.

They both looked down at the ocean and waited for a wave to come. “In,” the wave left the shore slowly and came back a few seconds later. “and out.”

“good, you’re doing good. In and out. That’s it.” JJ’s hand was now tracing small patterns on the back of the girl’s back, so softly she could barely feel it. “Now I want you to talk to me, can you do that for me?”

Her breathing had now slowed down to a regular rhythm and so had her tremors, but she had terror spread across her face.

“I want you-,” he paused wiping away with his free hand the tears off of her warm cheeks, “-to tell me three things that you can see right now.”

“I-“ she shook her head in denial, “no.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay you can do it y/nn.” His voice was warm and so reassuring. Just hearing it helped her calm down.

“I- uh I can, I can se see the ocean,” her voice was shaky and weak.

“Huh uh, keep breathing.”

“and um the uh the-the stars,” she stopped for a second to take a deep breath, her hand reaching out to his. The blond boy flinched at the contact, her skin was freezing cold.

“I-I can also see your eyes,” she finished, her voice sounding smoother and more confident.

JJ offered a warm smile, “good, now tell me two things you can hear.”

Y/n broke the eye contact and started a tte ocean, concentrating on what she could hear. “I hear music playing from the party and uh the waves crashing.”

She was no longer crying or shaking but JJ kept going. “ Name one thing you can feel.”

“Only one?” He shook his head in agreement.

“Your heart,” she stared into his eyes, “I can feel beating in my hand.”

“Good.”

JJ looked away silently. He wanted to ask her what had happened, but he didn’t. Instead he remained quiet and admired the star shining above his head.

“I’m sorry,” she croaked out. “It’s just that lately, it’s like I can’t feel anything at all-“ she wrapped her arms around her knees, “-it’s like the only thing I care about is what others will think about me.”

“Don’t wear that skirt, people will think you’re a slut. Don’t say anything or they’ll think you’re annoying. Did you see them, they’re laughing at you, shouldn’t have said anything. Did you really say that? Ugh you should have let somebody else talk, what a waste of time. He didn’t answer you? Well that’s because he hates you. There’s a party? Don’t go. Nobody likes you anyway, they’re just gonna judge you, they hate you.”

“Y/n, you know none of that is true, we do love you.”

“I know, but I can’t help it! I can’t stop it. And I’m so tired of feeling that way. I just want it to stop.” A single tear rolled down on the side of her face.

“Oh god, y/n.”

“I’m so dumb. I’m here talking to you about my little problems, but you’ve got problems much worse than mine. Jesus I’m so stupid.”

JJ looked at the girl next to him. She looked so small and vulnerable. He could see the pain in her expression and it hurt him so much. He wanted to hold and kiss her, but he was afraid of breaking her. She looked so fragile.

If only she knew how loved she is.

“No y/n, you’re not stupid or dumb. It’s not because I have a shitty life and a jack ass for a dad that your problems are not valid. You’re living something really intense and scary right now but I can assure you that I understand. We’ll get trough this together okay?”

They were both crying messes at this point, but neither of them cared anymore. The small girl opened her arms to boy beside her. Through her gesture a message was hidden, and JJ understood it perfectly. He held her tightly against his chest. Her tears were wetting his shoulder and his were falling onto the messe that was her hair. Her hands were grasping firmly that soft cotton of his sweatshirt, afraid he would let go.

“Don’t let go of me, please,” she implored. “I don’t want you to leave me, ever. I can’t do this without you J.”

“I won’t y/n, I won’t leave you, I promise.”

“We’ll get through it, we’ll get you help and we’ll survive this together, okay?” A sob left the blond’s mouth. “I promise, okay, I promise.”

#jj maybank x reader #obx #jj x reader #jj obx imagine #outer banks imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #jj maybank angst #jj x you #jj x y/n #kiara carrera #pope heyward #outerbanks #outer banks #jj #john b #john b routledge #petite-ely

[lonestarpost]

April 26, 2021~ Masterlist ~ Issue 12

Episode Review

by @lonestarbabe​

9-1-1: Lone Star’s ninth episode of season two breaks the hiatus with one of the season’s strongest episodes; in this episode,  the showrunners prioritize quality storytelling (many thanks to writer Tonya Kong), and while the episode focuses heavily on past events, it creates an atmosphere that allows extensive character development moving forward. The episode shows viewers Grace and Judd’s story, and it does so in a way that highlights their bright future and how they have built a healthy, happy future together by first creating a solid foundation for themselves. “Saving Grace” stands out because of its attention to detail and the complex dynamics it beautifully fleshes out. The episode is rooted in humanity; the characters are not perfect, but through those flaws, viewers see the power of interpersonal relationships and the ability of people to save one another in a myriad of ways.

Throughout the episode, Judd is lost, but one grounding force saves him from his demons: his wife, Grace Ryder. As the episode kicks off, Judd is a young kid joyriding with his friend. As Judd sits behind the wheel, a tragic accident causes his friend to die, and Judd is left with a wealth of guilt and self-doubt. Despite Grace being in grave danger after the accident, during the entirety of the episode, it is Judd who needs saving from the complex emotions that haunt him. When Judd is in danger, Grace is there for him, even when she is a hospital bed. Judd wants to take revenge on the drunk driver who drove him and Grace off the road, but then, Grace wakes up, and Judd comments that Grace has saved the drunk driver. Before that, before Grace and Judd have met face to face, they begin correspondence when Judd calls a Christian crisis hotline that Grace works at as she finishes school. Seeing their relationship develop over the phone shows the deep connection that the couple has, and in Judd’s darkest moments, Grace was there for him, and her voice saved him from his own self-destruction.

After reciting Psalm 31, which Judd has tattooed on his hand, Grace says, “None of us are perfect. It’s by Grace that we’re saved,” and this line expertly reinforces the themes of the episode. Just before he nearly beats the drunk driver who ran him and Grace off the road, we see Judd getting the tattoo, which shows Judd’s mindset. He is thinking about Grace and how she has saved him. Judd himself was responsible, at least in part, for somebody’s death; that guilt has made it hard for him to recover mentally, but grace has gotten him through. Even so, he struggles to extend forgiveness to the man who has hurt Grace. The reminder of his own trauma is fresh, but Judd is still a flawed, emotional person who needs tempering, and with Grace unconscious, he feels untethered. He’s back to being an angry person, who still blames himself for the death of his friend.

Judd once fought to make amends with Leigh-Ann, the mother of the kid who died in the car, and these parallels show how hard it is to forgive. But the forgiveness ultimately isn’t about giving a gift to someone who has done wrong; in this story, it is shown as a way of saving yourself. Instead of getting trapped in the bitterness, forgiveness allows the characters to heal themselves. Early in the episode, Leigh-Ann is hurt on the floor of her home; this portrayal represents how her son’s death debilitated her. She holds unto her anger, but as Judd makes amends by fixing Leigh-Ann’s fence (a white picket fence that represents the ideal American home, which has become dirty and has fallen apart since Cal’s death), and he takes a devastated property and makes it a home. After watching Judd work for a while as she recovers, Leigh-Ann finally gives Judd water, and not only does Judd make amends, but Leigh-Anne has physically recovered since we last saw her. She still has a sling on her arm, but she’s on the way to healing. Likewise, when Judd goes to see the man who nearly killed Grace, he is in the process of healing himself. He’s just gotten out of bed from his own injuries. His body is still battered, but as he backs away from the man because of Grace waking up, it marks that Judd is healing too, not just physically but he’s also learning to focus on what matters rather than the anger he feels. In the end, it is love and care that brings the character happiness, and it makes them happier to focus on the things that save them rather than what hurts them. Love, from the 126 and from Grace, keep Judd from self-destructing from his guilt and rage.

The title works on a number of levels. While it seems at first glance that the episode is about “Saving Grace” from the accident that has nearly killed her, the essence of the episode is that Grace is Judd’s “Saving Grace.” Not only that, but she is thousands of people’s “Saving Grace.” In her career, she has been a voice of reason and hope. Even when she can’t save a life, as with the astronaut in the season one finale, her voice still provides comfort and a sense of salvation to people who are hurting. It’s not just Grace that saves Judd. In many ways, Judd also sparks Grace’s own decisions. As Grace falls in love with Judd, she realizes that going to graduate school far away isn’t her calling. She doesn’t stay because of Judd, but there’s no doubt that her connection with Judd helped Grace realize that saving people was her calling. She decides to become a 9-1-1 operator, and for thousands of people, she becomes a “Saving Grace” on the other end of the line.

“Saving Grace,” is one of the best episodes of the series, and arguably, it is the most artfully written. It stands out because the details add up in a way that drives the plot and character development. It excels at showing rather than just telling the viewers the vital details of the story. Grace is an angel, and one of her greatest strengths is bringing people together and comforting them in their times of need. When she saves people, she then allows them to save countless others. Through Grace, Judd is a hero in his own right, but he is the kind that gets glory, while Grace’s role is more understated but just as important. The episode mostly focuses on Judd’s history, but when you look at it closely, the role of Grace, understated but poignant, is what stands out the most.

The Edits Edit

Some of the best edits this week that deserve all the love.

Carlos Reyes, 911 Lone Star 1.01 by @reyeslonestar is an amazing piece of fan art, and as usual, Alice is an amazing talent that we should all appreciate.

This Grace and Judd gifset by @ronenrubinstein is just WOW. I love looking at it and cannot stop!

Marjan Marwani by @alwaysablossom is soooooo pretty. I love the colors and all the details more than I can say!

SIERRA MCCLAIN as GRACE RYDER by @bucktks is an amazing edit that highlights Grace. You should also check out this one, which is equally good! Finally, take a look at this Tarlos set! (They all are amazing.)

Judd & Owen in 2x09 (Pt2) by @911dawnstar is such a well-done gifset, and I love seeing Judd and Owen being a wonderful duo. Also look at Part 1!

“We’re gonna have a new little Texan running around!” by @shoenaerts makes me swoon, and my heart can barely handle it because Grace and Judd are the definition of LOVE. This one is also beautiful.

the ryders + howdy. by @laurenkmyers makes my heart beat faster... I love it so much.

This Grace and Judd moment by @chrissiewatts makes me cry every time I see it AHHH.

These gifs by @strandtk is so amazing. I am in love with this edit! This one too!

This gif by @jessie-meili showcases Grace in the perfect way!

Group Hugs by @rafasilvas is one of my fave gifsets ever and highlights wonderful parallels of the 126 family. I’m in love.

The truth is, I think I just wanted to hear your voice. by @buckleys-diaz is soooooo dreamy and beautiful.

Fic Recs

remind us where we've been by @morganaspendragonss (hollyhobbit101)

Word Count: 564

Chapters: 1/1

“This is something, ain’t it?” Judd says, nudging Owen gently. Owen looks around Judd's backyard, taking it all in - TK and Carlos with their two kids, Judd's three milling around, their whole family gathered together in a future Owen's not sure he ever imagined even in his wildest dreams. "It's something," he agrees.

Home is wherever you are by @sixringss (buckscasey)

Word Count: 1651

Chapters: 1/1

A week after the fire, Carlos goes back to his home.Speculation for 2x12/13

Get Me off the Boat, I'm Ready to be on Land by @silvarafael (tiniestmite)

Word Count: 3966

Chapters: 1/1

Five times TK’s sobriety is tested after he arrives in Austin but he keeps it to himself, and the one time it gets so bad that he tells someone.

The Way Our Horizons Meet (chapter 1) by @chicgeekgirl89 (Writeallnight)

Word Count: 1500

Chapters: 1/3 (WIP)

Carlos' perspective through the aftermath of T.K.'s shooting. Follows the events of episodes 1x08-1x10.

You Found Me (Did You Ever Doubt I Would?) (Chapter 10) by @doctornineandthreequarters  (doctornineandthreequarters)

Word Count: 2736

Chapters: 10/? (standalone works)

Tarlos college au

#masterlist #911 lone star #lone star post #issue 12

[gaystuffgarbage]

I think i owe you an explanation to my inactivity, or i’ll just need to vent out

This month hasn’t been kind to me, I decided to publish some snippets from my mood diary. I wanted show you the reality of living with depression.

SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNING FOR ONCE, this writing includes uncensored directly translated thoughts i have in my head at the time of writing it, it may not apply later but it’s important to see this the way i feel at the moment. The topics include:

-Abuse of alcohol

-Direct or indirect self harming references, acts and thoughts

-Over all not so pleasant thoughts about everything really

So if you feel like you’re not ready to face these topics I think it’s best for you to leave this post unread to the end. I don’t want to affect your own mental health, it’s not my purpose, my purpose is to talk honestly about what i feel.

Snippets from my mood diary (translated to English):

(keep in mind that the entry is written in an European time and date)

15.6.2021 / 2:44 (past midnight): My anxiety is infernal. I drank a bit. Not too much tho. I'm suffering from heart burns and i feel terrible. This was what I was going for tho. I just have to make the situation worse.I just want to tear my wrists open. I'm using common sense tho so i won't do it. I st wanna talk to someone all night. 15.6.2021 / 13:40 (day): Last night was terrible. I listened a whole short podcast, laid in my bed and went to my balcony to smoke cigarettes constantly. I felt this unbelievable deep, crushing sadness in me, i almost didn't get myself up from the bed at all. I wasn't able to get any sleep even tho i was tired. I felt like i wasn't supposed to exist. I fell asleep for about 2 hours and constantly woke up in cold sweat and fear. When I woke up around 1.pm I was disappointed that i was still here. When i was asleep i didn't have to suffer. I got up from my bed just now, even tho i didn't want to. It takes so much energy. I don't have a hangover, i hydrated myself enough. I should eat but i'm afraid to. My back hurts.

20.6.2021 / 2:55 (past midnight) : I'm so stressed that i cannot sleep. What stresses me out? -Fucking everything. From brushing my teeth to my future. I hear voices. Do they come from the outside since i have my window open? I don't know maybe i'll check them out the next time i have a smoke if they bother me still. My sleeping schedule is fucked up too. Everything is. I don't have money, i'm so anxious, i'm so anxious, i'm so anxious. Obviously my stress toleration is completely gone. Everything makes me feel like my life is falling apart. Even just basic ordinary non-specific days of my life, normal chores. I haven't done anything in days, barely eating, sleeping restlessly, taken a shower and smoked a lot. I'm so bored. I wish i had the guts to jump off of my balcony. That would bring some action.

20.6.2021 / 14:21 (day) : I finally fell asleep around 7.am. I was so sad and tired that i did.  I woke up around 1.pm and the same feeling are still there. I just wanna go back to sleep. I feel hopeless. I feel like i have fallen to a limbo. Between the worst and getting help. In the beginning of the rehab sorta say. I'm bored. I don't feel like doing anything. I haven't been focusing on my hobbies that used to make me happy. Everything looks like shit. I feel that nobody is able to help me.

21.6.2021 /23:27 (evening/night) : I drank today again. Tho I said that i won't. I'm trying to keep it minimal this time, i drank 2 long drinks and a cream liquor blended with milk. I cannot take the carbonic acid. I feel light headed but not tipsy or drunk. I'm still drinking. I just felt like doing it to get somewhere. I just wanna escape since i cannot escape from reality any other way at this point. I will do anything to mess my head up. Alcohol just happens to be the most legal and easiest option for me. I just want to forget about life and my situation. I'm afraid of possible sobering up, i cannot tolerate the depression caused by that. I think I should call a crisis hotline to vent a bit. I just need to come up with something i'd actually say. Today was bit of a better day, even tho i just played on my phone the whole day. I just had to sabotage it. I feel unsafe and restless. I get anxious thinking about my future. I don't know who would be able to help me. I wish my common sense didn't stop me, I could be just so drunk that i'll pass out.

[tired-imagination]

“I Have Them Too” - Shinso/Aizawa/Mic/Eri

WARNING: This one shot deals with self harm and mentions of suicide. This is also a vent piece for me. If you are struggling with these kinds of issues, especially during this pandemic, do not hesitate to reach out to me or someone else. I may have never met you before, but I will stay up until 4 in the morning to make sure you stay safe. Take care of yourselves. 

A list of hotlines can be found here.

But if you do read this, you’ll cry if you listen to “One More Light” by Linkin Park. 

Category - Angst, fluff 

Contains minor spoilers for Vigilantes/Manga 

Hitoshi sat on the floor of the bathroom, looking at the bloodied bandages on the floor around him. Another day, another torment by the students. 

Your quirk makes you a villain. 

You will never be a hero. 

All you can do is be a villain. 

You don’t deserve this. 

As the words played in his head, he watched the blood trickle from his reopened cuts. He imagined the words flowing out of his head with each drop of blood, trying to stop the relentless onslaught of his own thoughts. With tears streaming down his face, hot droplets of water falling onto his torso, he dragged the razor across his arm. One cut turned to 5, his body shaking at the pain, small mutters of the words he heard over and over again spilling from his lips, voice broken from his own pain. 

Elsewhere in the house, Eri tugged on her father’s sleeve. Shota lifted the girl, planting a small kiss on her forehead. Hizashi pat the small girl’s head, ruffling her hair as she buried her face in Shota’s neck. 

“Big brother isn’t leaving the bathroom,” the small girl said softly, wrapping her arm around her father’s neck to hold on to him. Shota looked at Hizashi, his eyes filled with an immense sadness. He recognized that Hitoshi was having a rough time lately, with the long sleeves even being worn in the heat, but he had decided not to intervene. Shota had felt it wasn’t his place to. 

Leaving Eri in Hizashi’s arms, the young girl pulling on his golden hair, Shota went to the bathroom door that had been locked for hours. 

Drip.

“Hitoshi?” Shota knocked on the door gently. “If you’re doing... that... you could just do it in your room. We won’t judge, but Eri needs to use the bathroom.” 

Hitoshi looked up at the door, wanting to get up. His muscles ached to move, to get up and wrap his arms and pull his shirt back on, leave the bathroom with a laugh at the comment Shota had made, but he couldn’t. Instead of being able to stand, he felt his vision begin to get blurry. 

“Go away,” the boy whispered, his voice hoarse. 

Drip.

“Hitoshi? Hitoshi, unlock the door.” 

He felt so weak, so powerless, consciousness slipping away faster than his tears, the tears that fell down the predetermined tracks down his cheeks. His eyes were red, his cheeks swollen from attempting to rub the tears away, despite the floodgates being opened, with no chance of them ever shutting. His hand trembling from fear, he reached for the door and unlocked it. 

He is going to come in here. He will see what you’ve done, monster. He will hate you for it. He will look at you and think you are nothing but an attention whore, faking your pain and insecurities for a moment of attention. 

As Shota opened the door, he let himself take in the sight of the trembling boy in front of him, the way the tears and blood had soaked through his clothing. The bandages on the floor, a brownish shade of red showing the layers of dried blood. Hitoshi thought that his hesitation meant hatred, the tears welling up once more as he feared he would need to defend himself. Against expectation, Shota dropped to his knees in front of the boy and pulled his swollen face into his chest. 

“I’m not mad at you, Hitoshi. You don’t even need to tell me what’s wrong. Can you stand?”

“I-I think so.” With help from Shota, Hitoshi stood on his feet and followed the older man to the kitchen, where Eri and Hizashi were sitting at the table. Eri looked up first, gasping at the state of her older brother. His hair was even more of a mess than usual, his bare chest riddled with drops of his own tears. His face was red, his eyes bloodshot, his bottom lip trembling. Shaking, Eri reached her hand out to put her hand on her older brother’s face. 

“Did he get to you to? Is that why you’re sad?” She crawled out of Hizashi’s arms, running her small fingers down Hitoshi’s forearm. A small drop of blood got onto her finger, her eyes going wide as she looked at him. “But your quirk isn’t a curse, I don’t understand, why are you hurt when there isn’t anything wrong with you?” 

At the words of the small girl, the young boy pulled his knees to his chest and his arms over his face, hiding every scar and teardrop from the other 3 he called his family. His eyes began to water, sobs ripping from his throat and hot tears falling down his face. 

“Shinso... Hitoshi... It’s okay.” Hizashi gently rested his fingers against the back of Hitoshi’s hand, his voice low and somber. Nothing like the loud man that Present Mic was. “None of us are judging you. None of us are mad at you. We’re just worried about you, worried that something might ha-” 

“You two have your lives together. Neither of you have bad quirks, everyone always thinks you’re so cool. Nobody calls either of you a villain, neither of you know what I’m going through.” 

Hizashi and Shota looked at each other, the husbands sharing a sad look in their eyes. 

It’s your fault that Shirakumo is dead. 

If you helped him, he wouldn’t have died. 

If you were better, he would still be here. 

If you weren’t so useless, then maybe you would still have your best friend here. 

Shota rolled up his sleeves, as well as Hizashi. They sat in silence, presenting their forearms to the boy. Neither said a word, neither allowed their gaze to leave the floor. It wasn’t until Eri gasped that Hitoshi uncovered his eyes, his eyes widening at the sight in front of him. 

On Hizashi’s arms, faint lines like musical staffs crossed his arms, x’s on his wrist. Scars fading into his pale skin, all that had to be looked at closely to notice. 

On Shota’s arms, the lines were darker. Some still scabs. The skin red and irritated. Bruises surrounded the more recent scars, purple and grotesque, blotches of green and yellow among brown lines. 

“Nobody has ever told us that we were the villain. We don’t know what you went through but we understand how you’re feeling, Hitoshi. We have the same scars you do. We just want you to be okay. We want you to be alive.” Shota spoke gently, as if Hitoshi would disappear if his voice was too loud or rough. 

At the words, Hitoshi threw himself into the arms of his fathers. His tears, no longer restricted by his insecurities, flowed freely. Instead of being pushed away, instead of being told not to cry, the two men held him in their arms and let his tears soak their shoulders. Eri hugged her big brother from behind, her scarred arms wrapping around his thin waist. 

“You aren’t a villain. You didn’t do anything wrong, Hitoshi, believe me,” Shota said while kissing the said of his son’s head. “We still love you.” 

It’s okay. I’m safe. 

I’m not alone. 

We have them too. 

----------------------- 

Alright then, the beautiful person reading this. If you need help, my messages are open to any and all. Reach out. Even if you think nobody cares for you, if you are reading this, I consider you a friend. 

Click here to access crisis hotlines. You matter. 

[insidiousclouds-2]

Hey I was wondering how your skeleton boys would react/go about a friend/so who had started to recluse themselves. Losing interest in engaging in any social interactions via feeling unimportant?? If you dont wanna answer this, thats cool. I love your work and how you draw makes me really happy btw! Keep doing you Egg!

First off, I totally get the feeling. I feel like all of us do. Anon, if you’re having a tough time don’t be afraid to reach out to friends or attempt to get help. 174174 is the crisis texting hotline, it’s helped me and several people I know. Take good care of yourself. 

Maw: He would be highly concerned for them. He would make sure to give them their space at first, assuming that they’re just socially burnt out but if it lasts a lot longer than that he would attempt to confront them about it. Just soft little nudges, to try and help them feel better. Little texts here and there, bringing them food and home-cooked meals as often as possible. Just to try and cheer them up.

Doom: He is unsure of what is wrong and is possibly the worst person to find out this sort of ‘problem.’ But that doesn’t mean he won’t find his own way to help. He would come to their residence and demand they tell him why he hasn’t seen them as of late. Eventually, through his persistence, he would learn of their self-doubt and insist that he takes them on social outings. This isn’t a choice, but it’s the best he can do to help them feel better.

Smoke: He would have picked up on it immediately, he’s very good at picking up when someone’s emotions are even slightly out of wack. It comes naturally when you can tell if someone’s lying by the twitch of the eye. He’d make sure to approach them carefully and be as understanding as he can be. Offer to buy them something just to get them out and about. 

Slick: He’s not that great with telling if something is wrong, but after a couple of weeks even he would pick up on it. Would try and call them, a few texts here and there, but nothing to make them uncomfortable. He is sure to contact them and call, anything to make sure they’re okay. Eventually, he just tries to set up some sort of night out. Anything to get them out of the house.

Pumpkin: He knows the feeling, he can sympathize and picks up on it when they even barely started showing signs of such feelings. All he can do is offer support and small little invitations here and there that he’s more than happy to allow them to refuse. He just wants them to feel better and since he isn’t so sure how to do that even for himself, all he can do is offer support.

Jack: He’s definitely one to sympathize and does as much research as possible to see if it’s any different for humans than it is to monsters. Next, he organizes a movie night. Going over to their house so they don’t have to leave and building a nice little fort of pillows and blankets in the living room to watch Ghibli movies and forget all the bad feelings. He isn’t the best at confronting the problem head-on, but he’s a hell of a whizz at distractions.

#eggy imagines #the skelebois #skelebois #maw #maw sans #doom #doom papyrus #smoke #smoke sans #slick #slick sans #pumpkin papyrus #jack papyrus #horrortale #mafiafell #underlust #underswap #swapfell #seriously #i take mental health very seriously #i struggle a lot myself #a lot of people do #it's really difficult #but i know that it's going to be better #just have to have hope #okay anon? #just #reach out #to everyone you can #you're important

[seducetheimagines]

You Will Not Go Astray (Trigger Warning!)

Ship: Damien/Reader

Warning: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts

Notes: This is based on my experiences! If you feel like hurting yourself and you are in need of serious help, call your emergency number! Crisis text line: Home to 741-741 Suicide Hotlines Around The World: http://suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html Suicide Survivor Support Groups: http://suicide.org/suicide-support-groups.html

You were known to the incubi brothers as the toughest person in the world. They would describe you as tough and understanding but four out of the five brothers didn’t know that you suffer greatly from depression. It was challenging for you to even focus in school because you barely had enough energy to even pay attention. You didn’t have the energy to even care.

Hiding in the stall in the school’s bathroom, you stared at the blade in your hand. You just wanted to feel something. You pulled up your sleeve and stared at the scars that littered your arm. Well, it was time to add more. Gliding the blade against your skin multiple times, you watched as blood trickled along your arm and you were careful not to get blood on the floor. Getting some toilet paper, you carefully cleaned the blood up and threw the toilet paper into the toilet and flushed it. You then pulled out a gauze pad and some bandages and bandaged your arm up before rolling down your sleeve.

The day went like usual after that. You almost fell asleep in your anatomy class because you are up during the night, crying. Things were complicated and you didn’t know what to do. Soon, the end of the day came along and you put your books in your locker, grabbing your bag and shut your locker before leaving. You didn’t want the incubi brothers to know what you do to yourself but you didn’t know that Damien knew already.

Walking inside the mansion, you gave Matthew a faint smile as he greeted you but as soon as your back was to him, you dropped the smile and went upstairs to your room. Matthew frowned at this. You normally hung out with them on the first floor but now you were always hiding away in your room.’What’s going on with her?’ Matthew wondered as he walked into the dining room to inform the others.

Fear not this night

You will not go astray

Though shadows fall

Still, the stars find their way

Awaken from a quiet sleep

Hear the whispering of the wind

Awaken as the silence grows

In the solitude of the night

“Well, maybe she just wants alone time?” James suggested from the kitchen.

 “We all need time to ourselves once in a while,” Matthew added to James’ statement with a shrug.

“If someone’s fucking with her, I’m gonna blow their brains out,” Sam grumbled.

“I believe I know what’s going on,” Damien piped up softly. “But I think it’s best to not interfere. (Y/n) is a victim of self-harm and depression. I think we should all show her that we’re here for her no matter what.”

“I agree!” Matthew chimed in with a grin. “What I’ve learned from being up here for so long is that self-harm can lead to hospitalization or death.”

“No shit, Matthew,” Sam grumbled again and James gave him a look.

“We should probably make her some food and some tea,” Erik suggested.

“Damien, can you go check up on (Y/n)? Sam, Matthew, Erik, and I will prepare dinner and some tea for Miss (Y/n).” James requested and Damien nodded quietly before getting up and heading upstairs. 

Darkness spreads through all the land

And your weary eyes open silently

Sunsets have forsaken all

The most far off horizons

Nightmares come when shadows grow

Eyes close and heartbeats slow

You didn’t know what to do. You were failing and the whole school, minus Suzu and Naomi, hated you. Your journal in your lap and a pen in your hand, you were scribbling something down, scars and fresh cuts from earlier showing, when there came a soft knock on your door. You quickly threw a jacket on and closed your journal before hiding it.

“Uh - come in!” You called out, straightening out your shirt. A faint click came from the door and it opened, revealing that the knock came from Damien.

“D-Damien!” You put on a smile. “What’s up?” The saddened look in his eyes made the smile on your face drop. “W-What’s the matter?” You asked softly as Damien approached you and grabbed your hands, causing you to jump at how warm his hands were compared to yours. Damien sat down on the bed across from you and looked you dead in the eye with a comforting gaze as you then looked down, ashamed. “You know, don’t you…?”

Damien sighed as he let go of your hands and lightly reached over, lightly starting to pull your jacket down your arms. You looked away with a look of shame in your eyes as he removed your jacket, revealing both new and old scars. Seeing these scars saddened him and you couldn’t help but break down into tears.

“I’m sorry, Damien!” You cried out between sobs. “I don’t know what else to do besides hurting myself! I can’t stop!” Hearing this made him sigh sadly and pull you into his arms, which made you wrap your arms around him and sob into his shirt.

Fear not this night

You will not go astray

Though shadows fall

Still, the stars find their way

And you can always be strong

Lift your voice with the first light of dawn

Dawn's just a heartbeat away

Hope's just a sunrise away

As you sobbed, Damien rubbed your back and let you cry it all out. “You will not go astray, (Y/n).” His gentle voice broke your thoughts. Right. You forgot that he could read minds. “You will be found if you ever do. Wherever you are, we are sure to follow. We’ll come running to find you. You are never alone. We’re all here for you.” He spoke softly, your grip tightening on the back of his shirt.

Distant sounds of melodies

Darting through the night to your heart

Auroras, mists, and echoes dance

In the solitude of our life

Pleading, sighing arias

Gently grieving in captive misery

Darkness sings a forlorn song

Yet our hope can still rise up

Nightmares come when shadows grow

Lift your voice, lift your hope

Damien spent the time to comfort you. Although it was a while since he was downstairs, the other men understood. They knew it was tough to deal with this sort of thing and it was draining. They couldn’t stand by and watch you fall victim to your demons. They were hurt to see you hurt yourself. Damien was willing to stay as long as you needed him. He cared about you too much to stand by and let you suffer.

Soon, you settled down and relaxed in his arms as you closed your eyes, tired from what felt like hours of crying into Damien’s arms. Something about him made you feel calm and collected. Feeling you relax in his arms made Damien smile a little bit. He was glad you trusted him, along with the others. He decided to stay with you until you fell asleep, which only took a couple of minutes. He then got up carefully and let you sleep, creeping back down the stairs to meet back up with the others. 

Fear not this night

You will not go astray

Though shadows fall

Still, the stars find their way

And though the night sky's filled with blackness

Fear not, rise up, call out and take my hand

Fear not this night

You will not go astray

Though shadows fall

(Still, the stars find their way)

“How is she?” Matthew asked as soon as he spotted his brother, worry in his tone and expression. Damien let out a sigh in return.

“She’s so exhausted. It breaks me to see that she’s in so much pain.” Damien responded softly and shook his head. “How’s everything going?” He asked, peeking into the kitchen. James and Erik were making the food and tea like they said they would. Although everyone was more worried about you, they knew they would take care of you.

Hours pass and you were awoken by a faint shake. Letting out a groan and taking a deep breath, you rubbed your eyes and slowly opened them to find Matthew laying on his stomach, his arm on your side and his legs hanging off the bed. This made you smile as you tucked some of the man’s hair behind his ear. 

“Hey, Matt.” You croaked out softly. All that crying strained your voice. Matthew grinned at the greeting and got up, gently grabbing your hand as you sat up. 

“C’mon, (Y/n)! We have a surprise for you!” He peeped softly as to not startle you as you stretched before getting up. You followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen to where you were greeted by an amazing array of food and the calming smell of your favorite tea. This kind of action almost made you cry.

“Awe….you guys!” You smiled softly.

“We realized how down you have been and we wanted to let you know that we are forever here for you but we were not sure how to express it,” James started with a small smile.

“So, we made this!” Matthew chirped with a grin. 

Fear not this night

You will not go astray

Though shadows fall

(Still, the stars find their way)

And you can always be strong

Lift your voice with the first light of dawn

Dawn's just a heartbeat away

Hope's just a sunrise away

“We love you, (Y/n). Please don’t leave us alone.”

#damien seduce me #seduce me #mod suzu #trigger warning: self-harm #trigger warning: suicidal thoughts

[meangirlsx]

Beetlejuice Comforting the Reader During a Depressive Episode

For anyone who might need this...

Here is a hotline masterpost that appears to be pretty comprehensive with a large variety of hotlines for a large variety of countries.

This looks like it’s only available so far for the United States, Canada, and the UK, but here is a website with information for a crisis text line.

And here is a post with some information you might like to read before you call a hotline.

Finally, here is the post about self-care when you don’t feel up to it that I drew heavily from to write this.

It’s totally okay and human to need help, and it’s totally okay and human to ask for it. It doesn’t make you weak. It takes so much strength to ask for help. You’re stronger than you know, and you don’t have to be alone.

——

When he witnesses an episode for the first time, he’s not really sure what’s going on but he’s concerned nonetheless

He’s popped into your bedroom at night to hang out a bit before you go to bed

“Babe, have you gotten out of bed today?”

“No.”

He thinks you have a cold or flu or something along those lines and starts to try to feel your forehead

So you explain it to him

He takes a second to really process everything you said

“So you are sick, in a way, right?” he asks

Then he taps your forehead and says, “Just in here,” then bops your nose and adds, “instead of in here.”

He thanks you for telling him and trusting him

He tells you he’s sure that’s not an easy thing to talk about and he thinks it’s amazing that you can

“So, we can still cuddle tonight, right?” he asks

“You don’t think I’m all gross?”

“Well, I’ve been told I’m gross, so I’m not sure I’m allowed to judge, and I should just be grateful you’re willing to put up with me. But you’re not gross. You just need a little help, and we all need that sometimes, don’t we?”

You nod

He gets in bed with you and wraps his arms around you

Or keeps a respectable distance if you don’t want to cuddle

“So would you let me help you tomorrow? We don’t have to do much. We’ll start small. Okay?”

You agree

He doesn’t need to sleep but he’ll join you in sleep anyway if you can fall asleep

If you can’t, he’ll have fun finding relaxing things to do with you

ASMR videos? He finds them fascinating

White noise? He has fun trying to mimic the sounds before he realizes he should keep quiet so you can try to sleep or at least relax

If you want something to physically ground you and bring you comfort, he’s more than happy to oblige

He loves to play with your hair or rub your back or anything else that brings you comfort

Or he’ll read quietly to you if you want

Nothing too exciting so it doesn’t break the peaceful state, but his voice is surprisingly calming

By the time the sun has really started to peek through into your room the next morning, you’ve both barely moved

You’re pretty sure he’s awake since he doesn’t need to sleep, but he keeps his eyes closed

You figure he’s giving you a little more time to relax first

So you cuddle back into him for a while

Something about him letting you make the decision instead of forcing it on you makes you want to follow through

So when you feel ready, you touch his arm to get him to open his eyes

“Beej, I think I’m ready.”

His face lights up, already proud of you for this step

He stays with you as you get up and begin to walk through your morning routine

He’s ready to be the most chill cheerleader ever

He wants to make sure you feel supported, but he doesn’t want to be so enthusiastic that he annoys you or makes you feel like you’ll disappoint him if at any point you have to stop or can’t do something

If you can brush your teeth, he’s cheering you on

If you can’t, he helps you find mouthwash, gum, and mints, and lets you choose which one or ones you want to use

If you can shower, and you’re comfortable with it, he’ll help you in any way you need

If you can shower and aren’t comfortable with him joining you or seeing you, he patiently waits outside the shower (or if you don’t have a shower curtain, outside the bathroom)

If you can’t shower, he helps you find dry shampoo and he’ll help you rub it into your scalp if you want him to, and he’ll help you find makeup wipes or baby wipes to give yourself a mini shower

And if you don’t have anything listed above that would help you in your quest to take little steps, he’ll ask Barbara and Adam for advice and go buy them

Yes, buy

He’d come back and tell you waiting in line with a bunch of breathers seems like a waste of time but you’re not a waste of time in the least so it and you are worth it

He’d also buy a reusable water bottle if you don’t have one, but if you do, he’s excited when he discovers it

He fills it up with water whatever temperature you prefer

He doesn’t say anything, he just sets it on your nightstand

He’s thrilled when you drink from it periodically

And he’ll fill it up again when you empty it

He’ll ask how much getting dressed you feel up for

If you feel up for none, he’ll help you lint roll your clothes and even get a little Febreeze

If you feel up for a little, he’ll help you change into another pair of pajamas

(“I mean, we’re not leaving the house, right? Who says you can’t just put on more pajamas?”)

If you feel up for more, he’ll help you get into whatever level of clothing you can manage

Or, of course, if you don’t want or don’t need the help, he’ll politely turn his back and wait for you to finish changing

He’ll tell you that you look great in any level of changing you take on, and he means it

If you can brush your hair, he’ll encourage it

If you aren’t feeling up to it and you’ll let him, he’ll do it for you

He thinks it’s relaxing and he likes feeling so close to you, physically and emotionally

If you don’t want your hair brushed, he’ll help you put it up with hair ties and pins you have laying around, or a headscarf or bandana, if you prefer

Even if you’re not hungry, he’ll help you order food in case you get hungry later

If you can order it yourself, he’s so proud of you

If you can’t, he’s more than happy to do it for you because he’s just proud that you picked out some food

He even has Barbara and Adam confirm that the place you’re ordering from is good

He’ll answer the door to claim the food if you don’t feel up to it

After putting the food in the fridge, or eating some if you feel up to it, he suggests getting a little sunlight and fresh air

If you have access to someplace that feels private, like a backyard, and would like to go, he’s thrilled to go chill outside with you

Or, if you’re up for it, he’ll go on a walk or drive with you

(He’ll promise not to wreck your car, and he’d do his best, but if you feel up to driving, you insist, and if you don’t feel up to it, Barbara and Adam volunteer to come along so one of them can drive)

If not, he’s just as thrilled to open the curtains and a window

He basks in the sunlight like a cat

If you had anything scheduled for the day, like school, work, or meeting up with a friend, he helps you contact them to say you need to take a personal day

“You need today for yourself. We’ll work on going back to the real world tomorrow, yeah? And if you need one more day, we’ll take one more day.”

And you agree

Barbara pops in to remind him to have you ask for work to be sent to you if you’re missing school or work

If you do have work sent to you, he’ll take a break with you and then help you do your work

When you’re done, or if you had no work, he’ll very happily spend time just hanging out with you

Netflix marathon? He’s game

Need a nap? He’s always ready for that

Board games? He thinks they’re unbelievably entertaining

Reading? He likes to watch your face as the story progresses

Magazines? He likes to take the quizzes with you

He’ll also help you clean up some

He’ll turn it into a game

Not a high-energy game so it doesn’t drain you, but he’ll find ways to make it more fun

Throwing trash away is more fun if you literally have to throw it like a basketball into the trash can, right?

That’s what he thinks, at least

And he has plenty of extra limbs that extend as far as he wants, so he can make sure you never miss

You never quite get to figure out what he wanted to turn laundry into because Adam shows up to express his concern that it would cause all the colors to run together

So laundry is made at least more entertaining by Adam teaching Beej everything he knows about doing laundry

Beetlejuice never remembers where everything goes in the kitchen, so he turns doing dishes into a really bad guessing game

He tells you making your bed will be fun because you can jump on it after you’re done

He realizes then that that’s probably not the best selling point (unless it is, in which case he’s over the moon to jump on the bed with you)

He reminds you how much cozier it will feel when it’s all nicely made

He even calls Barbara to work a little extra mom magic on it because a made bed always feels better when it has the Mom Tuck

You hadn’t noticed before, but he timed it out perfectly so that you have a warm blanket coming out of the dryer as you finish making your bed

Barbara and Adam give Beetlejuice the Very Important Task of checking the rest of the house to make sure everything got cleaned up

They know it did, they actually just don’t quite trust him to fold clothes neatly or leave them very clean

They help you fold and put away your clothes so you can get it done quickly and snuggle in under the warm blanket

Although you’re pretty sure Beej is using some sort of supernatural power because the blanket stays warm even after it should’ve lost its heat

If you haven’t eaten by now, Barbara and Adam will bring you your food heated up so you can eat at least a little bit

Then they recap the day you had to remind you how much you got done and they tell you how proud they are of you

They each give you a hug and go on their way

Beetlejuice takes the opportunity to thank you for letting him help and working hard today even when you didn’t want to, and to tell you how proud he is of you, too

And he means every word

#beetlejuice x reader #beetlejuice #beetlejuice musical #beetlejuice broadway #trigger warning #tw #tw: depression #trigger warning: depression

[daysiias]

{ zendaya ♔ 24 ♔ she/her } well, well, well if it isn’t daysia collins running around peach hollow. legend has it, they come from tangerine towers and have lived here for six years. if you’re wondering what they’ve been up to, i hear they’re a crisis counselor for a living. they have been known to be quixotic yet nurturing. a word of advice to them, always look over your shoulder. you never know who is watching. { kim ♔ 25 ♔ est ♔ she/her }

yall know me. i’m kim, i play serenity, and i’m one of the admins!!  this is my damaged but optimistic baby, daysia. ITS PRONOUNCED LIKE DEJA VU :’) i just created her in november but she so quickly became my favorite muse to write. so buckle up! and pls plot w me. i am fragile and if i don’t get any plots i will hide in a dumpster, where i belong.

TW FOR DEATH, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, CAR ACCIDENT

here is her pinterest and a spotify playlist if you wanna check those out ~

daysia jade, day, dj, deej – anything goes. she’s 23 and will turn her head to just about anything. she’s a spring baby born march, 1996.

her childhood was pretty good. she and her brother grew up a year apart, and her parents divorced early. early enough that daysia can barely remember a time where the family was hole, and likes it that way.

however, her father did not take the divorce well and turned to drugs – meth to be specific. he only saw the kids on weekends and even then, daysia and marcus absolutely knew what was happening. perhaps they didn’t know his choice of poison, but they knew that it was just that: poison.

he was never abusive and always took care of the kids, even if he was tweaking out of his mind. there were a few instances that were touch and go, like when he forgot to take dinner out of the oven and it caught fire, or when he forgot to change the sheets – little things that added up.

when daysia was 16 and marcus was 15, they were involved in a car accident. her dad was high behind the wheel, lost control of the car, and they hit the guard rail. they went over an embankment and down a short hill before the vehicle came to a complete stop, flipped over. she watched the life drain from her brother’s face, and never got into a car again, up until recently when she started letting @malcolmvramsey​​ drive her places she needed to go. she always tries to give him gas money, but he rarely takes it.

a good deal of resentment built up for her father, but she remained stoic, even when he went to prison for drug charges and the dui he’d racked up that ultimately killed her brother. she didn’t let anyone know that she was hurting, because she numbed it all. she threw herself into her school work and her artwork, painting constantly. melting colors together somehow helped her cope. she could get her emotions out on paper. in fact, that still rings true today. in her bedroom of the apartment she lives in, she has covered one of the walls in canvas and paints over and over.

in an effort to start life over, daysia left detroit when she graduated high school. she transferred to peach hollow where she went to winchester university, not wanting a lot of attention. this is where she really came to life.

daysia was able to push michigan to the back of her mind entirely, because peach hollow had so much to offer. the people were better. the music was better. the parties were better. the education was better. there wasn’t a single thing she missed from home aside from her mother, who she kept in regular contact with and still does. they’re always texting and facetime before bed every night.

she came alive. college changed her. she was studying a subject that interested her and meeting people who didn’t have to know about her past. she did, and does everything to keep michigan her dirty little secret. she liked the party scene, but only drank or smoked weed. she refuses to touch anything that might turn her into her father. she was even hired on as a crisis counselor for a local hotline, contractual to her graduation.

in the past month, daysia has plummeted, however. nobody would ever be able to tell. she is the queen of poker face, an absolute delight to be around. she can be a little aloof, and is constantly stoned, but it’s how she gets through the day. she is an absolute goof, loves to crack jokes and make people laugh. she loves to laugh herself. these are all traits that show and cover the inner turmoil constantly trying to bubble to the surface.

about three weeks ago, daysia received word that her father passed away in jail. he overdosed, and she wasn’t sure how to feel. so she didn’t. she did, however, stop doing school work and started drinking more. she’s mere days from flunking out of school and losing her job. but nobody knows, because she acts like she doesn’t know either.

all in all, she’s doing a lot of self sabotage but covering it up with every ounce of grace she has.

as for her personality and relationships, daysia excels. she is nurturing, so when a friend, or even a stranger is hurting, she tends to go to their side and comfort them. as long as she can make them laugh, then everything will be okay. she makes friends pretty easily, and keeps them for the most part. she is fiercely loyal and will absolutely scrap to defend her loved ones.

she loves love. there is no gender she isn’t curious about and absolutely loves romance, though she also tries to hide that. her walls are ten feet tall. she’s in to hook ups, flings, and polyamory. she’s very open in that sense!!

FUN FACTS

she has an english bull dog named frank!! he is her pride and joy. she dresses him up in outfits, has regular photo shoots with him and loves going to the dog park. he isn’t legally an emotional support animal, but that’s definitely what he is to her. if he doesn’t like you, she won’t either tbh

she has this lil purple pen looking thing that is always on her. it’s her weed vape and she will hit it anywhere. her dumb head is always in the mfing clouds

she has a spotify family plan that is currently only her, mac, and dom and she will absolutely invite anyone she meets bc spotify premium is something everyone should enjoy

wears a lot of graphic tees and jeans, kinda a tom boy. doesn’t love dressing up but will occasionally. also doesn’t rly like make up but DOES know how to beat her face

1000% unable to be alone for like any period of time?? like if she gets off work and no one is in her apartment she just leaves. she goes next door to mac, goes to the peach pit, anywhere she can socialize. being left to her own thoughts will always turn out poorly.

really loves poetry. cannot write it to save her life, but loves going to slam readings or checking out poetry books from the library. her adhd brain can’t handle novels – poetry is just the right length to keep her attention and dig into her soul.

oh yeah, she’s got some pretty intense untreated adhd lol

OK SO WANTED CONNECTIONS IF UR STILL HERE LMAO

ex-roommate: something happened between daysia and this person, whether it was a relationship gone wrong, a friendship with tension, or just the other person being a damn slob – and daysia removed them from the house and moved someone new in. they are probably on shitty terms.

roomate(s): ^^ the forementioned current roommate or two!! i would like her to be veeeery close to whoever lives here. they have to be ok with her dog, her weed, and how mf needy she is.

current flings: a few people are probably on her list of suitors right now. people she spends time with romantically, but hasn’t committed to. she absolutely cannot be alone, at any point… ever! so, she has someone with her at all times. m/f/nb, all good.

party friends:  this one is pretty self explanatory!! these are friends that daysia may or may not talk to outside of a party, but will always cling to at one.

close friends: she lets very few people all the way in, but those that make it are generally taken care of by day. she makes sure that they are as comfortable with life as possible and spends a lot of time with them

exes: as daysia is a ticking time bomb, there have been many people she’s blown off. whether they once hooked up, were together, or what have you, daysia has a lot of exes. she never means to hurt anyone. it just sort of happens and she has accepted it.

#peaches:intro #i'm back lmao

[daycollins]

{ zendaya ☁ twenty six ☁ she/her }  among the whispers around peach hollow, have you heard of daysia collins? no? well, let’s catch you up to speed. rumor has it, she’s been seen strolling around blueberry boulevard & have lived in peach hollow for six years. it’s good to have her around because i hear she’s a crisis counselor for a living. recent events must have her trembling because it hasn’t be long since everyone found out she flunked school. let’s hope they learned their lesson that the truth always catches up to you.

yall know me. i’m kim, i play winnie, and i’m one of the admins!!  this is my damaged but optimistic baby, daysia. ITS PRONOUNCED LIKE DEJA VU :’) i just created her in november but she so quickly became my favorite muse to write. so buckle up! and pls plot w me. i am fragile and if i don’t get any plots i will hide in a dumpster, where i belong.

TW FOR DEATH, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, CAR ACCIDENT

here is her pinterest and a spotify playlist if you wanna check those out ~

daysia jade, day, dj, deej – anything goes. she’s 23 and will turn her head to just about anything. she’s a spring baby born march, 1996.

her childhood was pretty good. she and her brother grew up a year apart, and her parents divorced early. early enough that daysia can barely remember a time where the family was hole, and likes it that way.

however, her father did not take the divorce well and turned to drugs – meth to be specific. he only saw the kids on weekends and even then, daysia and marcus absolutely knew what was happening. perhaps they didn’t know his choice of poison, but they knew that it was just that: poison.

he was never abusive and always took care of the kids, even if he was tweaking out of his mind. there were a few instances that were touch and go, like when he forgot to take dinner out of the oven and it caught fire, or when he forgot to change the sheets – little things that added up.

when daysia was 16 and marcus was 15, they were involved in a car accident. her dad was high behind the wheel, lost control of the car, and they hit the guard rail. they went over an embankment and down a short hill before the vehicle came to a complete stop, flipped over. she watched the life drain from her brother’s face, and never got into a car again.

a good deal of resentment built up for her father, but she remained stoic, even when he went to prison for drug charges and the dui he’d racked up that ultimately killed her brother. she didn’t let anyone know that she was hurting, because she numbed it all. she threw herself into her school work and her artwork, painting constantly. melting colors together somehow helped her cope. she could get her emotions out on paper. in fact, that still rings true today. in her bedroom of the apartment she lives in, she has covered one of the walls in canvas and paints over and over.

in an effort to start life over, daysia left detroit when she graduated high school. she transferred to peach hollow where she went to winchester university, not wanting a lot of attention. this is where she really came to life.

daysia was able to push michigan to the back of her mind entirely, because peach hollow had so much to offer. the people were better. the music was better. the parties were better. the education was better. there wasn’t a single thing she missed from home aside from her mother, who she kept in regular contact with and still does. they’re always texting and facetime before bed every night.

she came alive. college changed her. she was studying a subject that interested her and meeting people who didn’t have to know about her past. she did, and does everything to keep michigan her dirty little secret. she liked the party scene, but only drank or smoked weed. she refuses to touch anything that might turn her into her father. she was even hired on as a crisis counselor for a local hotline, contractual to her graduation.

in the past month, daysia has plummeted, however. nobody would ever be able to tell. she is the queen of poker face, an absolute delight to be around. she can be a little aloof, and is constantly stoned, but it’s how she gets through the day. she is an absolute goof, loves to crack jokes and make people laugh. she loves to laugh herself. these are all traits that show and cover the inner turmoil constantly trying to bubble to the surface.

daysia received word that her father passed away in jail. he overdosed, and she wasn’t sure how to feel. so she didn’t. she did, however, stop doing school work and started drinking more. she flunked out of school and lost her job.

at the same time, she got into her first serious relationship. day fell hard and fast for her best friend, mac. their relationship started out much like a fairy tale. she wanted to keep it like that forever, but her addiction and ptsd took over. she tried her very hardest to hold onto mac, but he moved back to nyc with their best friend, dom, in tow. she still misses them to this day and finds it hard to keep friends like she kept them close. the littlest things will remind her of mac and she’ll start to spiral. two years later and she’s still hung up, but she’ll deny it to the very end.

it’s safe to say that when this happened, daysia crumbled. she realized just how many people she’d lost and how many she had -- and she didn’t have anyone at that point, or so she thought. she continued to isolate and stopped answering her phone, and within the week, her mother was there to drag her home to detroit for detox. 

she spent the next few weeks laying in the bathroom, going through withdrawal from alcohol and the various benzos she’d started eating like candy. things were bad. her mother never left her side, and after many na and aa meetings, after snatching pill bottles and miniatures out of her room for months, daysia cleaned up her act. she put on a healthy amount of weight, started working out, went to aa or na two or three times a day until she was comfortable enough to skirt by a day or two without one. she finished up her degree that summer and started waiting tables. she saved up every cent, finally having enough money and credit built up to buy a house where she really wanted to be: peach hollow.

after talking to her old boss, they agreed to take her back on as a crisis counselor when she moved back

so the newly clean and sober (aside from weed lol) daysia is living in a house on blueberry boulevard with @dawsonsawyer​

as for her personality and relationships, daysia excels. she is nurturing, so when a friend, or even a stranger is hurting, she tends to go to their side and comfort them. as long as she can make them laugh, then everything will be okay. she makes friends pretty easily, and keeps them for the most part. she is fiercely loyal and will absolutely scrap to defend her loved ones.

she loves love. there is no gender she isn’t curious about and absolutely loves romance, though she also tries to hide that. her walls are ten feet tall. she’s in to hook ups, flings, and polyamory. she’s very open in that sense!!

FUN FACTS

she has an english bull dog named frank!! he is her pride and joy. she dresses him up in outfits, has regular photo shoots with him and loves going to the dog park. he isn’t legally an emotional support animal, but that’s definitely what he is to her. if he doesn’t like you, she won’t either tbh

she has this lil purple pen looking thing that is always on her. it’s her weed vape and she will hit it anywhere. her dumb head is always in the mfing clouds

she has a spotify family plan that is currently only her, mac, and dom and she will absolutely invite anyone she meets bc spotify premium is something everyone should enjoy

wears a lot of graphic tees and jeans, kinda a tom boy. doesn’t love dressing up but will occasionally. also doesn’t rly like make up but DOES know how to beat her face

1000% unable to be alone for like any period of time?? like if she gets off work and no one is in her apartment she just leaves. she goes next door to mac, goes to the peach pit, anywhere she can socialize. being left to her own thoughts will always turn out poorly.

really loves poetry. cannot write it to save her life, but loves going to slam readings or checking out poetry books from the library. her adhd brain can’t handle novels – poetry is just the right length to keep her attention and dig into her soul.

oh yeah, she’s got some pretty intense untreated adhd lol

OK SO WANTED CONNECTIONS IF UR STILL HERE LMAO

ex-roommate: something happened between daysia and this person, whether it was a relationship gone wrong, a friendship with tension, or just the other person being a damn slob – and daysia removed them from the house and moved someone new in. they are probably on shitty terms.

current flings: a few people are probably on her list of suitors right now. people she spends time with romantically, but hasn’t committed to. she absolutely cannot be alone, at any point… ever! so, she has someone with her at all times. m/f/nb, all good.

party friends:  this one is pretty self explanatory!! these are friends that daysia may or may not talk to outside of a party, but will always cling to at one.

close friends: she lets very few people all the way in, but those that make it are generally taken care of by day. she makes sure that they are as comfortable with life as possible and spends a lot of time with them

exes: as daysia is a ticking time bomb, there have been many people she’s blown off. whether they once hooked up, were together, or what have you, daysia has a lot of exes. she never means to hurt anyone. it just sort of happens and she has accepted it.

#peachesintro

[cheekaspbrak]

Crisis Text Line (Modern Reddie)

Summary: Eddie has a panic attack and turns to a chat line for anxiety. He’s talked to people on here before, but this time he finds out he actually knows the person he’s talking to.

Word Count: 1136

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

Warnings: curse words, homophobia, the f slur

This is fucking terrible but it was such a cute idea so here I am with a shitty fic I’ll definitely maybe write a part 2 for. Also yeah, the crisis line is specifically for people in Maine. That’s probably not how this stuff works but it is now!

    Eddie is losing control of his breathing just as he stumbles through the door of his home. He looks around wildly. He calls out for his mother but she doesn’t answer, thank god. He didn’t need her trying to cram pills down his throat right now.

    His legs start to feel like jelly, and he tries to make it to the couch but he collapses on his knees just in front of the coffee table. He rakes his hands through his hair and starts sobbing. So fucking stupid, he thinks. He searches for his inhaler in his back, shoving it in his mouth and pushing down on the top. He waits, on all fours in his living room, but nothing changes. He cries more, and pushes it into his mouth again. Nothing.

    On the rare occasion his inhaler- cough placebo cough- didn’t work, he had a backup plan. He pulls his phone out of his back pocket and pulls up the Anxiety Hotline Number he had saved in his phone. The only sound in the room was his ragged breathing and the tapping of his keys on the phone as he sends out a text.

Crisis Text Line: Hi! This is the Maine Crisis Text Line. You’re not alone. Someone will be with you shortly.

    Eddie tries to push away the anxiety as he waits but it just burns stronger inside him. He claws at his polo collar, pulls at his hair, anything to make it stop. His phone buzzes again.

Crisis Text Line: hey, this is richie. what’s up?

    He is momentarily distracted by the casual tone of the message. Usually these texts were much more professional with reassuring messages like “I’m here for you”. He doesn’t linger on that for long, though, and starts to type out a response to “richie”.

Eddie: I’m having a panic attack again and I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid it won’t stop.

Crisis Text Line: ok. it might sound difficult to do but just try ur best to breathe slowly. do u know what triggered ur panic attack?

    Eddie briefly wonders why the fuck this guy is using text lingo in what’s supposed to be a therapeutic text line, but his breath hitches when he asks him what triggered his panic attack. He looks at the pastel pink polo shirt he’s wearing, and his cheeks burn hot with shame.

Eddie: I was leaving school and this guy started picking on me for my shirt. Started calling me a fag because it’s pastel.

    He types out the text and immediately feels the tiniest bit better. He looks down at the buzzing phone in his hands.

Crisis Text Line: what the fuck?

Crisis Text Line: that’s so fucked up

Crisis Text Line: i want to strangle that guy

Crisis Text Line: i probably shouldn’t have said that on a recorded text line

    Eddie blinks. Then he laughs. It sounds strangled coming out of his worn out throat, but he laughs. This guy is actually cursing and threatening to murder someone on a hotline. It barely even registers to him that his breathing has come back to normal while he types his reply.

Eddie: I know, right? I would’ve strangled him but that’s frowned upon and I don’t wanna get expelled from high school.

Crisis Text Line: So ur in high school? i am too. which high school?

Eddie: I don’t think you’re supposed to ask personal information.

Crisis Text Line: im not gonna stalk you, i promise

Eddie: That’s exactly what a stalker would say

Eddie: Derry High School

Crisis Text Line: ur fucking kidding. i go there too!

    Eddie freezes, the grin he didn’t realize was on his face disappearing. He easily puts two and two together and realizes he is talking to Richie Tozier. The absolute asshole Richie Tozier, who makes awful jokes during class and wears dumb, giant glasses and still thinks your mom jokes were funny.

Crisis Text Line: what’s your name? i might know you

Eddie: Are you kidding? I don’t want you to know who I am.

Crisis Text Line: i won’t tell anyone, i just want to know who im gonna be defending when i strangle that asshole

    Eddie finds himself laughing again and he looks up from his phone to make sure nobody else is in the house, still. He pushes his hair away from his face and thinks that he likes this side of Richie Tozier he’s never seen before.

Crisis Text Line: pleeeaaaasseeeeeee

Eddie: okay fine. My name’s Eddie.

    He sucks in a sharp breath and leaves his phone on the floor as he goes to grab a snack from the fridge. His heart is hammering in his chest because he just told Richie, Richie Tozier, who he was. He tried not to run back to his phone to see what he said.

Crisis Text Line: holy shit, Eddie Kaspbrak?

Crisis Text Line: short, cute dude who’s always rolling his eyes at my jokes?

    Eddie allows himself a moment to focus on the word cute before typing out a reply.

Eddie: Richie Tozier, tall asshole who’s always telling fucking awful jokes that make me roll my eyes?

Crisis Text Line: fuck

Crisis Text Line: i forgot i told u my name

    He snorts at that, ready to type out a reply when another message comes in.

Crisis Text Line: now u know who’s been flirting with u this whole time

    Flirting...with him? His cheeks are starting to feel numb from all the smiling. He picks up the apple slices he got from his kitchen and takes a bite. Richie must be impatient, because another text shows up.

Crisis Text Line: seriously though, whos ass am i kicking?

Eddie: Bowers. I don’t think you stand a chance though. You’re about as scary as a puppy dog.

Crisis Text Line: awwww. u think im cute.

Eddie: What? I didn’t say that.

Crisis Text Line: u compared me to a puppy dog. ill do you one better, ur like a bunny rabbit

Eddie: Fuck off.

Crisis Text Line: thats not very nice to say to your future hero

Eddie: You’re not actually going to pick a fight with him, are you?

Crisis Text Line: no, im not crazy. i will make sure to pull an especially evil prank on him though

Eddie: Can I help?

Crisis Text Line: totally. but its in our best interests to not discuss our evil plan on here. here’s my actual phone number

    Eddie smiles when the ten digits appear on his screen and he immediately saves them under the name “Puppy Dog”. He shoots a text to Richie who texts back hey sweet thang and Eddie finds himself giggling on his living room floor for hours, planning the best prank ever with his newfound friend, Richie Tozier.

#richie x eddie #richie tozier #eddie x richie #eddie kaspbrak #reddie imagine #reddie #reddie oneshot #reddie fanfic #IT #tw homophobia

[jxpper]

My first thought when I woke up last night was to call the crisis hotline. I was ready to, but I didn’t. As the night progressed (I sleep in the day and stay awake at night to work), my night continuously got worse. This depressive episode hit so quickly and so strongly, I could barely force myself to click for the next episode of tv I was watching with dead eyes. eleven o’clock rolls around and I’m begging the universe to make my mom go to sleep because I don’t want her to see me cry but I can’t hold it in any longer. I was starting to panic from the feeling of how badly I needed to sob, but she’s the person I usually cry to and I’ve been avoiding her so I wanted to cry alone. eventually, I broke down and cried to her, but I lied about what I was crying about. She knew the real reason, but it isn’t relevant. 

For the first time in a long time, I laid in bed last night and I honestly thought about ending it. That’s how low I fell. That’s how depressed I felt. I suddenly felt like my reasons to live were slipping away. 

So the night turns into morning and I’m still crying my eyes out. My mom’s getting ready to leave and she asks me if I’m okay and for once, instead of saying ‘yes, I’m fine, just tired’, I shook my head and cried ‘no’. I really didn’t want to cry to her but I needed someone. She suggested that I should go sit with my grandma downstairs for a while since she usually cheers me up and I don’t think she wanted me to be alone while she was gone. 

So, I’m coming down the stairs, and I hear familiar voices coming into my house. I could hear that both my mom and grandma were surprised (they had no clue, this wasn’t planned at all) and in walks one of my aunts, who lives almost 2 hours away, and my other aunt who is the one person in the world who I wanted to talk to the most since she’s been in this current situation with me for a very long time and knows exactly what I’m dealing with and has since day one. She got me through the beginning of it. And then, my cousin who is my best friend leaves school for lunch and comes to my house just out of the blue. 

Mind you, I’m still sobbing uncontrollably because I’ve just spent the entire night contemplating suicide. Now, I’m crying because how on Earth did this coincidentally happen? My entire support system sitting in my house on an incredibly bad day, just because they thought about popping into my neighborhood? My aunt, who I literally laid my head on and cried to for a half hour and was able to talk to about this problem that's been on my chest for days now. What made her think to come to see me? And my other aunt, who lives out in the middle of fucking nowhere several hours away, suddenly in my living room and hugging me? My cousin, who is my best fucking friend ever who always cheers me up sitting on the other side of me? None of us had any clue they were coming. Nobody called them or invited them out. They just showed up like fucking guardian angels who I have never needed so badly before. 

Just hours after I wanted to die, here they all are... standing in my living room. Out of ANY other day of the year, they chose today — the day where I needed them more than ever and yet I hadn’t even said a word about it to them. They had no clue what I was having a nervous breakdown. They just showed up. 

I don’t believe in coincidences. Either that was God or a guardian angel move because there is no way in hell that the one day I’m so ready to drop the ball on life and give up, almost everyone I love is suddenly there without warning or prompting. Just for a visit. 

Well, shit.

#suicide tw