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softquietsteadylove · 1 year

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Hiiii!!! Maybe it's not too late to add this idea of mine to the Amnesia trope, it has three parts.

I think it may connect to the last one you posted (when Gil went to her place and she had the time of the month), so Thena just suddenly felt comfortable and told him why she had the 'memory loss' but the only thing she remembers is that she was calling someone and then suddenly there was something collided through her car, she also remembered someone talking and carrying her before she completely passed out. Gil, felt guilty and he suddenly told Thena that he has some emergency to the shop.

"That was great," Gil comments lightly as they get into her place after dinner. It really was a nice dinner, and the restaurant was as pleasant as he's read about. He has been anxiously awaiting the opportunity to go, after all.

"It was," Thena smiles gently as she hangs up her coat and sets her purse on the counter. "Did you want some tea?--or coffee?"

Gil smiles. He should really go--especially if he's going to prepare the daily special for tomorrow morning. But he walks a little further into her apartment, hands in his trouser pockets, "I guess a cup of tea wouldn't hurt."

Thena offers another fleeting smile before disappearing into her kitchen.

Gil walks slowly from the front hall to the couch. It isn't far, but it's hard to notice that her walls are eerily barren. There are no photos, no little trinkets or home decor at all. There's a singular hook for her keys, a plate on the kitchen cutout ledge where he can see some junk mail and spare change.

Her living room is sparse as well. Plain white furniture--lovely but as blank as it can get. It's a little mysterious in aesthetic, like the woman making their tea.

Gil smiles as she comes in with two petite mugs for them. She sets them both on the coffee table and he takes a seat on the other end of her loveseat. "Nice place."

She looks around her living room as well, as if also needing to familiarise herself with it. "I didn't move in so long ago. I guess it doesn't quite feel like home yet."

Gil just nods. "It can take a while to settle in to a place enough for it to feel like that, I guess."

"I suppose so."

Gil takes a sip of his tea. Thena does the same. She isn't the chattiest person in the world, and the last thing he wants to do is push her about anything.

Over dinner, he asked if they did anything for her birthday at work. She told him that no one seemed to know. And it makes sense for her--she never really made any effort to tell people when it is. Apparently her friends Kingo and Sersi gave her their well wishes and promised that if she would like to do something, they will be all too willing.

They sound like nice people.

"I'm not sure where I lived before."

Gil attempts not to look startled by the statement, but clearly it didn't work all that well.

Thena nods, despite not having anything verbally to confirm. "I...I have this memory gap. True and genuine amnesia, my doctors told me."

"I, uh, didn't know that was a real thing," Gil says cautiously, at a loss to do anything else.

But Thena is understanding, maybe even expecting the bewildered response. "They didn't tell me much when I awoke in the hospital. Just that there had been an accident, and that by the time I was awake, I couldn't remember well into last year."

"I'm sorry."

Thena shakes her head. "I don't even know what happened or caused it. And they've told me not to rush things or go looking for answers that could only put stress on me. I suppose they told me to leave well enough alone and go on with my life."

"That," Gil gulps, setting his tea down, "doesn't sound easy."

"I'm sorry," she whispers, setting her mug down as well. "I'm afraid it's not very pleasant news, but it is something I thought you should...know about me."

Gil angles himself towards her, even scooching an inch closer on the couch. "What...do you remember anything from before?"

But Thena shrugs, looking down at her hands on her lap, over her soft white dress. "I just barely remember moving to the city, starting work at the museum, meeting Sersi and Kingo within my first week. Then...pieces."

"Pieces?"

Thena frowns, her hands tightening.

"I'm sorry," Gil rushes out, leaning over to place a hand over hers. He gives them just the smallest of squeezes, hoping to reassure her, "I didn't mean to bring up something upsetting."

Thena looks at him, though, smiling again. "I'm afraid I'm a bit too comfortable around you for my own good."

Gil blinks, looking like she shot him right through the heart.

"I remember driving somewhere," she murmurs, picking up her tea again for something to do with her hands. "Someone was in the car with me, I think. But I have no idea who it would be. Then--nothing. I suppose the next memory I have is being carried, but I assume that was by the first responders pulling me from my car."

"Must be."

"I'm sorry," Thena apologises again. "I...this isn't exactly first date talk, is it?"

"N-No! I mean," Gil fumbles, wanting nothing more than to get that frown off her face. "It's a big part of your life now, right? Whether you get your memories back or not...I'm glad you told me."

It's easy to see that she doesn't quite believe him about that, but she at least attempts to smile again. "You're sweet."

"Hey, uh," Gil takes her tea from her hands, setting it down for her and clasping his hands around hers again. "I have to get back to the bakery. Y'know, to prep the...breads."

She nods.

"But," he pauses, his heart in his throat. She waits patiently, but he lowers their hands down between them again, his thumb rubbing gently against her pale silken skin. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?--at the shop?"

"I," she pauses, her hands growing heavy in his. He doesn't let them slip away, though, just holding them tighter.

"I'll see you tomorrow." It appears he's decided. "I'll see you tomorrow, like always. And I'll have something special for you, like always. Deal?"

She sighs, feigning some exasperation it would seem. But she softens, her eyes going warm and letting her hands tighten around his as well, "deal."

#Okay #this is a long one #so strap in #pt 1 #I haven't connected it with that one #But this is now #Thenamesh Amnesia AU #I don't always do multipart asks #but this one seemed to capture a lot of people #and also people really love the idea of Gil being this outlaw gangster #anyway #I haven't necessarily crossed it over with any other AU #out of respect for the original ideas that everyone submits #but I hope you like how this turned out

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soradragon · 3 years

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You Got Mail Pt 1 Thorin Is A What!?

~summary~

Never thought that what had started as just delivering some packages would get you a family and friends you could only dream about.

It's hard to travel one point to another when they are far apart. Especially when danger is around every corner! Which is why you decided to help the people out by offering your service to help deliver packages or mail that a bird can't carry.

Only problem?

Most people are afraid of you. Your tall, broad and terrifying with that huge axe on your back. It causes quite a few misconceptions, like when that one person screamed at you not to kill him when you approached. Or that one time you knocked at a round green door and met waist to face with a hobbit, who fainted as soon as he saw you.

Whoops.

At least you gained a friend out that whole fiasco.

And now he has sent you with some packages to deliver to a friend of his far over the Misty mountains. Maybe you can find a place of belonging there?

You shall see.

Woooo First Fili fic! And it's going to be a series! I'm excited!!

Thank you for beta reading this for me @a-dragon-under-the-stars Wuv youuuuu!!!

Anyway! Come chat with me about fun things or story ideas! my box and dms are always open for you guys!

warnings: little bit of angst but afterwards none!

Fili x gender neutral tall reader

Check out my main masterlist if you liked what you read!

I have AO3 too!

If you want to be tagged in the next upcomming fic don’be afraid to ask me!^^

Please leave a little comment or reblog to let me know you liked it! I greatly appreciate it!^^

Anyway, enjoy^^

You hurried up the stone stairs of Erebor, muttering pardon to every dwarf you almost bumped into. The packages in your hands blocked most of your view.

You were so far behind your estimated arrival. Those stupid orcs, holding you back from delivering these packages.

They didn't stand a chance. Your years of training into becoming a well-fleshed warrior paid off. Those scums were not going to stand between you and your quest to deliver these packages to a dwarf called Thorin.

You had no clue who that was.

This is why you were here, going up the many, many stairs towards what you assumed would be the throne room.

At least you hoped this was the right way. The kind dwarf had pointed you the way after you had accidentally scared him to death by suddenly appearing behind him.

You really hoped your size didn't give the kind lad the wrong impression of you...

You often left some sort of daunting opinion on the people you tried to talk to or offer your service to. Your intimidating stature was the main reason, like how you met good mister Bilbo Baggins!

It was a funny story now, according to Bilbo, though you had a completely different view on things.

The poor hobbit had fainted when he unsuspectingly opened the door of his hobbit-hole when there was a knock on the door and came face to waist with you. He fainted on the spot.

Now, you didn't want to be rude and just leave the poor hobbit lying in the doorway, so you did what any gentle person would do and carried him inside. Wiping your feet before going inside - you weren't a barbarian - You set him on the first stool you could find.

You waited at a distance, crouching down so you wouldn't scare him again when he would wake up.

After a while, mister Bilbo came to his senses. He was kind enough to listen to your apology and attempt to explain the accident.

The good hobbit apologized in return for fainting on his guest, which was a 'very impolite thing to do.'

Bilbo’s words. Not yours.

He had offered some tea to make up for his rudeness, which you humbly accepted.

And that's how your friendship began.

It had been months since that accident, and mister Bilbo still knowingly tells you he didn't hold a grudge and to forget it. That smart lad, he could read you like a book. Knowing when the nagging guilt of your tall, intimidating stature would resurface again and bring you down.

You were taller and broader than an average human, standing two or three heads bigger than the average person. Dwarves reached just above your stomach, hobbits stood even lower.

You had to crouch down to accept the packages mister Bilbo had asked you to deliver to a friend one day.

Which coincidentally was the same day you were so down in the dumps, muttering degrading stuff about yourself. Of course, Bilbo overheard it. And being the goodhearted, stubborn hobbit that he is, he had come up with a solution.

He had sent you off towards Erebor with his packages, promising you would find your place, believing it would be there.

Even now, as you walked up the stone stairs of Erebor, you had no clue what this had to do with discovering the place where you belonged, but knowing Bilbo, he had a plan.

You trusted mister Bilbo with your life. Surely he knew what he was doing. He was a wise hobbit. Having gone on his many adventures, he had learnt some things you couldn't imagine.

You smiled, thinking about the stories of mister Bilbo's adventure - carefully balancing the packages in your hands as you walked up the stairs - talking in many details about the journey:

How they faced the nasty trolls, confronted the dangers of the spiders and much more.

But what stuck with you the most was the way dear mister Bilbo spoke so fondly of his companions:

About Bomburto's delicious cooking. The two princes pranks, Borur's jokes and songs and many more. (You've forgotten most of the names of the companions, only remembering some of the names partly)

But mister Bilbo talked about one companion the most; Thorin Oakenshield.

It was clear how mister Bilbo thought about this fellow with affection.

Was Thorin his lover, perhaps?

It was not your business, you reminded yourself.

You only had to deliver these packages to Thorin Oakenshield. Heck, you had no idea who he was. Who knows how many Thorin Oakenshields there were in Erebor?

Bilbo told you you would recognize Thorin when you meet him.

You really hoped that was the case, since going off with just a name did not really help finding the right person.

You cursed with panic in your voice as you reached the ends of the stairs, tripping over the last step, which was crooked and broken.

One of the packages slipped from your grasp. In a panic, you reached an arm out, throwing your body forward. Your fingers slightly graced the wrapping paper making it possible to slap it up into the air again. Gaining the momentum you hoped was enough.

Sadly, it soared way too much to the side, right out of your reach.

Maybe the deities from above had pity on you at that moment, for someone caught the package before it could hit the ground.

Your soul almost left your body with relief.

"Not a bad catch if I do say so myself," a smooth voice chuckled from above you. You glanced up. Before you stood a dwarf with a smirk on his face. He offers you the packages as he spoke up again.

"Where are you off to, in such a hurry that you dropped this, my dear traveller?"

You didn't know how to respond, taken aback by this handsome fellow before you. Reaching out your hands, you accepted the packages from him, hands slightly brushing against his.

They felt rough, like they've been through a lot. They were warm and much smaller than yours. It enchanted you.

You cleared your throat after a moment of awkward silence, hiding your face behind one of the packages in embarrassment. Raising back to your full height, the kind dwarf had to crane his neck to look at you.

"I've...I've been told...I've got some packages for a Thorin Oakenshield from… from Bilbo Baggings, and I've been told that he would be in the throne room." You said, trying not to stumble on your words too much, feeling quite flustered by the recent predicament.

The kind Dwarf's face lit up when you mentioned mister Bilbo Baggings.

"Mister Boggings send uncle some packages? Why didn't you say so earlier, my dear traveller? Follow me, uncle will love to hear about our beloved burglar!"

The dwarf grabbed you by the arm and led you to what you assumed was the throne room.

To say you were baffled and speechless was an understatement.

The dwarf didn't seem to be affected by your stature, dragging you along like you weighed nothing. (Which wasn't true. You just let him lead the way) But he also called mister Bilbo, Boggings and a burglar!

Which wasn't like mister Baggings at all.

And uncle!?

You tried to wrack your brain for any clues as to who this very handsome dwarf was. No name nor idea came to your mind.

"Oh!"

The dwarf suddenly exclaimed, stopping in his tracks so suddenly that you bumped into his back. You took a step back immediately out of politeness.

He turned to you. Letting your arm go, he clapped his hands together with a smirk on his face. You still felt the lingering warmth on your arm.

"Oh, dearie me! I completely forgot to introduce myself. How terribly rude of me!" He scolded himself. Tapping his hand against his forehead. You would have thought he was genuinely apologetic, but his grin and eyes told you he wasn't sorry at all. It was as if he had planned this, and it had worked in the best way possible.

"Fili at your service, my dear traveller."

He spoke in a lowered voice as he bowed, never taking his eyes off your face. It was uttered in a way that made it sound like it was only meant for your ears.

It was a simple sentence, yet it left a strange feeling in its wake.

Like a wave of warmth flowed through your body from the toes to your head.

You resisted the urge to shiver.

You managed to calm your racing heart enough to respond to him, "Y/N at yours."

Fili repeated your name, trying it out for the first time. His smirk shifted into a soft endearing smile as he reached for your back, leading you forward once again. "Well then, Y/N, how did you meet good old Bilbo Boggings?"

And that's how you began telling the tale of how you met mister Bilbo. Fili seemed to cling to every word you mumbled. Face lighting up in a smirk or kind smile as you talked. He even gave his own opinion at any chance that presented itself. Most were teasing words to fluster you, but some were sincere and serious. Like, how he reacted with a scoff when you told him that people often are intimidated by your stature. Scaring them off before you could ever offer any kind of greetings.

It wasn't long when you suddenly realized something: Thorin was one of mister Bilbo's companions on his adventure. Fili here mentioned Thorin being his uncle, and not to forget Fili knew mister Bilbo personally... Not to forget, the name Fili did sound somehow familiar to you.

The wheels were turning inside your head.

The two of you reached the throne room without you noticing it. Still deep in your thoughts as you wandered in.

Why would Thorin be in the throne room if he were a civilian? Was he a guard or something? A scholar, maybe...? No, all of those don't match the image mister Bilbo had created for Thorin at all.

The way mister Bilbo always described Thorin was one of grace and strength. A stubborn dwarf with a passionate heart and in possession of great loyalty to his companions. He led the company with might and experience, a person who demonstrated nobility with every move he took and with every word he uttered.

Your head snapped up when a deep voice spoke, your eyes meeting crystal blue ones. And just like that, everything clicked in place.

How could you have forgotten? Bilbo had often talked about Thorin Oakenshield, about his deeds and image, but also about his nephews:

Fili and Kili. The mischievous brothers would often cause troubles for poor mister Bilbo. Though somehow, in all those tales he told you time and time again, he never once mentioned that they were royalty. Not to mention Thorin being the actual king Under the mountain!

"Greetings, traveller. I welcome you here in Erebor. For what purpose have you presented yourself before me?"

Thorin's voice sounded like a true leader. It was strong. And authoritative and carried clearly throughout the throne room. If you hadn't known of him from mister Bilbo's stories, you would've been too intimidated to speak. (Still slightly intimidated, were you supposed to bow? Kiss his hand? Something?)

Fili spoke up when you stayed silent for too long, "I believe this traveller, Y/N, has come from far to deliver some presents to you, uncle."

Thorin had opened his mouth to ask further but was interrupted by a dwarf who popped up next to you. You startled, flinching from the sudden closeness. You managed to stop yourself from hitting the dwarf on the head in reflex. The dwarf didn't seem to mind, ignoring your noise of surprise, standing on his toes to look at the packages in your hands. "My oh my, look what we have here!" The dwarf exclaimed, snatching the first package out of your hands to look at it better.

"Kili," Fili said through clenched teeth, glaring at his brother, who rolled his eyes at him.

"He's such a killjoy sometimes, that dear brother of mine," Kili complained to you in a low voice and gave you a wink. After Fili cleared his throat, Kili gave the box back and twirled around, bounding over towards Fili with a cheeky grin on his face. He threw his arm over Fili's shoulder, using his entire weight to lean against him. Fili sighed at Kili's antics.

"Presents from our dear burglar from the Shire. Oh, I wonder what kind of gifts master Boggings has for our dear uncle~" Kili said in a singing voice smirking towards Thorin. From what you could see, you noticed Thorin's eyes widened slightly. He shifted in the seat of his throne as though he wanted to leap down and snatch the packages out of your hands.

Thorin had uttered something you couldn't catch, but you guessed he asked you to confirm Kili's words, so you nodded.

"Um, yes, master Bilbo has sent me to deliver these packages to you."

You felt so awkward as you spoke. You had no idea what else to say or do, for that matter.

Master Bilbo did not give you any instructions to approach this whatsoever.

Thorin rose up from the throne, making his way towards you with purpose in his every step. It was hard to look away. You felt your body tense up underneath his piercing gaze. Thorin stopped at the start of the stairs, waiting. Unsure what to do, you glanced towards Fili, who gave you an encouraging look. Motioning with his head for you to go towards his uncle. Swallowing, you took a hesitant step, then another, and another, till you met Thorin halfway. His eyes seemed to twinkle as you gave the packages to him. He nodded gratefully to you, glancing at the note atop of the boxes.

You don't know what master Bilbo has written on it (you didn't want to be rude and peek) but, it seemed to make Thorin quite satisfied.

"I thank you, traveller," Thorin said, glancing up at you before looking back at the note. You managed to find your voice and smiled. "It's my pleasure, master Bilbo is a good friend of mine. I'm glad I was able to be of service to him." You said, mentally patting yourself on the back for finally finding your courage to talk to him.

Thorin looked at you this time, he didn't avert his eyes again. "You know Bilbo personally?" He asked. And did you just mistake it? Or did the corners of his lips tilt upwards a little? And his eyes seemed to twinkle.

"Ah, yes, I do. Master Bilbo let me stay at his house for a while. He often talked about his adventures with the company. He really makes some delicious tea."

Were you the only one who was feeling awkward in this conversation? You had no idea where this was going, but apparently, you were going to go along with it.

"I am glad to hear it's going well with our burglar," Thorin said, smiling softly to himself.

"Dear traveller, I must ask you to stay here for quite a while longer before you go on your travels again. For you see, the entire company - me included - would love to hear more about how our dear burglar is faring. You see, Bilbo does not always mention the details about how he is doing in his letters he sends us. We would love to hear it from someone who knows him. It's far more comforting reading it on a piece of paper, don't you think so too?"

Okay, what's going on?

Thorin turned to address a guardsman. "Could you lead this dear traveller to their temporary stay? Take a special guestroom nearby. They must be tired from the journey. You are dismissed."

The guard nodded and turned to lead you out of the throne room. Before you made your way to leave, Thorin turned to you with a smile. "May you have a good night's rest, Y/N."

"U-um, yeah...sure..." You just nodded and let the guard lead you. You were out of it. All of it happened way too fast for you to wrap your head around.

Fili and Kili requested their dismissal before following after you. Kili eagerly walked next to you. "So...You really know our dear burglar?" Kili asked, his eyes glancing towards you before averting again and so on. He was smiling, but his eyes were focused as if he was thinking of something.

"Uh...Apparently...?" You internally cringed at the words that tumbled out of your mouth. It sounded more like an uncertain question instead of an answer.

Oh, that did not go smoothly at all.

Before Kili could reply, you started to backtrack. "Well, if you mean burglar....as-as in master Bilbo Baggings...Then, sorta...? I-I mean...I never knew master Bilbo is a burglar... Not that I'm saying that he never steals or anything. He has snatched a couple of Lobelia's silverware. But it was originally his...so I don't know if that counts...Not that he should steal stuff! Stealing stuff is bad!"

And, you have started rambling. Nice...

You cleared your throat before muttering. "What I meant to say was: If you mean master Bilbo, then yes...I do know him..." You were staring at the floor now.

It was quiet for a second before Kili started to snicker. Glancing up, you saw him smile brightly at you. He pointed a finger at you, "I like you. You'll be fun to be around." Mischief sparkled in his eyes. You glanced towards Fili, who rolled his eyes at Kili before giving you a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I won't let him prank you too much while you stay here."

Though the comment wasn't as reassuring as his smile, it did, however, soothe your nerves quite a bit.

And in an instant, you slightly felt like you really were a part of them.

You were glad the two brothers accompanied you to your chamber. The guard did not speak once. She just walked ahead without showing any emotions. It would've been a very awkward walk if it wasn't for the two brothers. For that, you were very grateful.

Kili kept talking animatedly while Fili jumped into the conversation every now and again. Mostly making jokes with his Kili, which made you smile every now and again.

This place didn't seem so bad.

Once you reached the door of your chamber - it was definitely your chamber since the guard opened the door and said: 'Your room.' Before taking off. - You turned to face the dwarves. With a bright smile on your face, you spoke to them. "Thank you for leading me here. I think I can find my way into my chamber on my own," both of them chuckled at that. "So, I think I'll be seeing you tomorrow again?" Before Kili could open his mouth, Fili had already spoken up, "indeed, dear traveller. We suggest you rest early for tomorrow, for you shall get to meet the rest of the company."

Kili pushed Fili a bit to the side, "indeed! And we'll come to guide you to the meeting hall! So no sleeping in - or do, I'm curious how my newest gag will play out." He said while his eyes sparkled with mischief.

You rose up to the challenge, "then I will just have to be awake before you come to get me."

Fili smirked. "Don't give him any ideas." He said. Kili shushed him. After giving Kili a playful glare, Fili turned back to you. "Well, we need to be going. Dwalin is waiting for us in the training hall." Fili said, giving a bow as a goodbye before walking off with Kili, who groaned.

"He's gonna kick my butt."

"That's your fault for getting caught."

"Next time I'm not gonna cover for you, I will drag you with me."

Their bickering could be heard muffled as they walked away. It brought a smile to your face. You closed the door behind you once you couldn't hear the two of them anymore.

And for once, you didn't feel as heavy anymore.

*(*)*(*)*

"Did you just see the same thing I did?"

"I sure did, Kee."

"They seemed so comfortable and happy at that moment. Not at all awkward like in the throne room. You met them first. Have they smiled like that before?"

"No, they didn't, nor were they as confident."

"...They did seem kind of solemn when they entered the throne room."

"They were like that the whole way."

The two brothers stayed quiet for a moment before Kili met Fili's eyes, and both of them lit up. "You thinking what I'm thinking, Fee?"

"Oh, you know it, Kee."

The two looked at each other with a big grin, and with a silent promise, they decided to make sure that Y/N's stay would be one they will fondly remember.

"Don't think I didn't see you, ogling at them the entire time when they weren't looking. You are not as subtle as you think, you know."

Kili said with a smug grin on his face, leaning on Fili, who pushed him off. "Don't think I didn't see you, trying to make them laugh the moment they stepped into the room. You don't try that hard when you don't have a purpose for doing it." Fili rebutted, smirking back. "You are not as subtle as you think, you know." He mimicked.

The two princes kept bickering as they went to the training hall, where Dwalin would be waiting for them. They held their heads up high as they went in. Their eyes shone with determination, for they had something to look forward to.

*(*)*(*)*

At the same time, Thorin had, after handling the last meetings of the day, taken the packages and the letter to his resting chambers. And now, he sat at his desk with the contents of Bilbo's gifts sprawled over the desk. With each gift came a letter. Explaining the reason and intent of said gifts.

But Thorin wasn't paying those letters nor gifts any attention.

Instead, he was looking intently at the little thick notebook in his hands.

It was rather small for his big hands. But definitely big enough for the hands of a hobbit. As Thorin read the pages full of cursive words, it became apparent to him that these notes were created on the journey back to the Shire till very recent. It was like a diary.

Every couple of pages talked about how Bilbo was doing. What he was up to at that time and what he was thinking about.

It was written in such a way that made Thorin feel like Bilbo was actually here, here right next to him, with his expressional hand motions as he talked. Explaining all those little discoveries and thoughts which floated inside that curly head of his.

Thorin couldn't help his smile tugging at his lips when he read the page of Bilbo talking about the little acorn sprout that had started to peek out of the dirt. And how it made him think of Thorin.

Little notes like this made a feeling of warmth and fluttering emerge from his stomach, spreading to his chest.

In the last chunk of pages, Bilbo had started talking about meeting and befriending a human of tall stature. He talked about how awkward yet kind the person was. Not two pages into this new development, Thorin had found the name of this new person; Y/N.

They were happy to hear about Bilbo's stories, unlike most of Shire. Happy to help out with any chores to repay Bilbo's kindness and hospitality. Happy to stay with Bilbo and enjoy his company, unlike most of Shire who would rather stay away, only meeting up with him out of politeness.

Bilbo even mentioned that he would love for Y/N to meet the company. But the happy notes turned quite glum when Bilbo discovered the demons, which tormented the confidence and enhanced the insecurities deep inside of Y/N.

Thorin stopped at the last page of the book. It was addressed to him.

Dear Thorin, it read.

I have sent Y/N over to you with some gifts to deliver to you. If you are reading this, then that means that they have found you well.

Please listen to my request.

I ask you to house and take care of Y/N for me. Now you may be wondering. Why? And I will explain why.

I care for them like a parent would for their child. I want them to be happy. But I know they will not find that happiness here in the Shire.

They have no feelings of belonging here. The others shun them and are afraid of them. Sadly, they were not welcomed anywhere, nor do they feel like they belong anywhere, for that matter.

Thus I have hoped that they will find a place of belonging here in Erebor as I did some time ago.

They think that I have just sent them to deliver these gifts, so do not withhold them from leaving if they want to. And please, do not let them know I asked you of this, they would be terribly hurt.

I will be forever grateful for your help if you accept this request of mine.

May we meet each other once again soon.

Yours truly, Bilbo Baggins.

Thorin reread the page a couple of times intently before making up his mind, eyes shining with determination. It was only natural that Thorin would take good care of his guests, but a friend of Bilbo was a friend of the company.

Thank you for reading, and keep soaring high!

Forever taglist

@theincaprincess @strongholdinthedark @vasharts-blog @an-adventureland @hannah-emily-zhang @criminaly-supernatural @a-dragon-under-the-stars

Hobbit taglist

@that-place-called-middle-earth @emrfangirl @tschrist1

#fili x reader #hobbit x reader #fili #kili #thorin x bilbo #thorin oakenshield x bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #thorin and company #bagginshield #dwalin #reader insert #bombur #bofur #bilbo baggins #bilbo #hobbit #the hobbit

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god-save-the-keen · 4 years

Text

Charity Gala

Book: Bloodbound

Pairing: Adrian Raines x MC (Amy)

Warning: Fluff

Words: 1471

Prompt: Someone leave #14 of the list in my inbox and I don't know is Tumblr is broken, they deleted the question or their account but the question/request disappear. Anywhere, here it's the result!

Note: My PC is still broke so sorry I can cut the text! 🙏

Adrian Raines x mc tag list: @alesana45 @choicesfannatalie @itscassandraleig-blog @mattrodriguezmylife @bigmemesplz @perriewinklenerdie @x-kyne-x @livingpurpose @adriansbiss

Permanent list: @gardeningourmet @client-327 @desiree---1986 @dawn-1994 @violinet @darley1101 @blackcatkita @flyawayboo @drakewalker04

"I have never seen the point of these galas." Adrian commented as the limo continued steadily on their way.

"Oh trust me, I'm just as excited to be here as much as you are." Amy responded, an uncharacteristic ironic tone to her voice. Adrian lifted his brow at her and she sighed. "I'm sorry." She said after a small pause.

"It's still early, if you would like, you can stay." Adrian pointed out, in a calm manner, he didn't want her to feel pressured to accompany him, after all it was weird that Amy was this irritated.

"I don't know…" She bit her bottom lip. "It's just… I'm so nervous"

"Everything is going to be okay, love."

"It won't." Amy turned her gaze towards Adrian again, her eyebrow furrowed with concern and her eyes sad. "The people at these kind of events always look at me like I'm the secretary of the moment that you are just fooling around with." She redirected her eyes to the limo's window, resting her chin on her palm. "I hate that look."

"But you know that none of it is true" He took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles.

"I know." She said sadly. "I just want to enjoy a night out with you without being judged."

He got closer to her, taking her waist as she looked at him. "I promise you that that is exactly what is going to happen. And if you aren't enjoying yourself, I leave the donation and we return home."

She placed her hand on his cheek, a sweet smile on her lips as she observed him. "I love when you call it 'home'." They had been living together for a few weeks in an apartment overlooking Central Park and, since the first night they had shared together in it, Adrian started to call it home instead of 'the penthouse' like he used to, melting Amy's heart with happiness. He pressed his forehead against hers, smiling as her soft perfume filled his lungs and his hand tightened his hold. Before either of them could say anything else, the limo stopped in front of a luxury hotel. Outside were some photographers taking pictures of the couples on the red carpet as they arrived and Amy looked at them uncertainty.

Adrian gently kissed her, without rushing, opened the door getting out of the limo and offering her his hand to help her out. She took it, smiling and lacing their fingers together while she stood up next to him as her soft silver dress sparkled under the flashing cameras. It was a huge charity gala for Australian Firemen and their work, celebrities were everywhere, Avery Wilshire and his girlfriend Candece Dorian, Cassandra Leigh, Victoria Fontaine, Chris Winters among the business men and woman, politicians, designers and rich people in general, Matt and Jessica Rodriguez were the hostess for the night and Cordonia's royalty had donate a beautiful diamond necklace to be auctioned.

They posed for a moment, Adrian's arm around her waist and her hand on his shoulder as he pulled her closer, his lips brushing her ear for a moment, smiling, while he whispered to her "You look gorgeous." She turned her head and smiled at him, forgetting the camaras, the people, everything around them except him.

Hand in hand, they went inside. Adrian took two champagne glasses from a passing waitress and handed one to Amy. Her eyes widened at the luxury around her, even after all the time she had been with Adrian, as his employee and his girlfriend, sometimes it was still hard for her to get used to this kind of life, surrender of money, opulence and glamorous but fake people. They drank, Adrian's hand on her waist, as they milled around the salon, quietly chatting, laughing, observing photos of animals and the fires in Australia as people started to approach to talk with him about business.

A skeletal arm took Amy's as Adrian continued his conversation and she found herself being dragged towards the bar by Amanda Lexington, the size zero wife of an important CEO of NY, although Amy wasn't sure which one.

"Amy! It's always a pleasure to see you at these kind of events!" Her tone pretended to be affectionate as her little black eyes only convey coldness.

"Hi Amanda" Amy answered trying to sound calm and confident.

"You know, the other day we were talking about you with John" She said grabbing a glass of expensive wine and setting her gaze on her.

"Oh?" She sipped her champagne.

"It's great that you two are still together!" Her lips curled in a cynical smile.

"And why wouldn't we still be together?" Her hand squeezing the glass a little bit, she wasn't sure if she was annoyed, angry or sad with this conversation but she definitely wasn't happy.

"Oh! For no reason my dear, just you know how the CEO's are! Always want to play with the latest toy." Amanda drank her wine as her eyes assess Amy's reaction. "Especially with the secretaries."

"I--" Her voice was trembling, every fiber of her body hating her words, even if she knew that Adrian wasn't like that, that he loved her, Amanda Lexington always knew how to push her buttons.

"But I'm not saying it's going to happen with you, my dear!" She patted Amy's arm condescendingly. "It's just that Adrian is so handsome and wealthy. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy that just settles down with someone… well, like you." The glass she was holding shattered in her hand as champagne, glass and a few drops of blood fell on the floor.

"Amy" Adrian was beside her, he took her hand in his but the wound had already healed. Amy continued observing Amanda, her eyes angry as she took another sip of wine. "Is everything okay, love?"

"Yes." She responded stoically, still watching Amanda like she wanted to drain her whole blood supply from her tiny body. Adrian took her waist, smiling politely even when the warmth of his sweet blue eyes had completely disappeared.

"Amanda, even though your company is always…" He made a little pause and narrowed his eyes, his tone full of sarcasm in the next few words. "... A pleasure, I must say I didn't expect to see you here today." He grabbed two glasses of champagne and handed one to Amy, kissing her cheek. "Here, love." He took a swig, his presence intense, powerful, intimidating almost dominant.

"And why it's that?"

"Well, because John is in jail for a white collar crime and lost all his financial liquidity."Adrian said and Amy turned towards him, surprised, as some other guests stopped to discreetly hear the conversation.

"You must be mistaken, Adrian!" She said loudly enough for the people around them to hear her while her face was pale and her eyes grew wider with horror. "John is in London, on a business trip."

"My apologies, I must have received the call from Nassau County Jail from another John Lexington." A satisfied smirk on his face as some people in the crowd started to whisper. "Ready to head out?" He asked Amy as if the last five minutes had never happened.

"Let's go." He entwined their fingers together. "By the way Amanda… Raines Corp is looking for mail personal, give me a call, okay? You need it, I know It's not a secretary job, but you don't like those anyway."

Once outside, while they were waiting for their car, Amy crashed her mouth against Adrian, deeply kissing him as he responded with equal enthusiasm. After they separated a bit, she softly placed her hands on the lapels of his suit jacket.

"Was this suit expensive? Like, irreplaceable expensive?" He held her waist pulling her closer.

"No" He grinned.

"Good… does it have any emotional value?"

"Also no" His mouth started to kiss the hollow under her jaw.

"Great, because once we get home I'm going to rip it from your body." He chuckled before kissing her again. "The way you shut her up was amazing!"

"I heard what she was saying to you, and I know you can defend yourself, but no one is going to be disrespectful to you like that if I can avoid it." His eyes, warm blue again as always, fixed on hers.

"So… It was true that her husband called you?" She asked, getting in the limo.

"Not even close" He answered as she laughed putting her legs on his lap. "His lawyer is a colleague of mine and he may have commented about it. Are you okay?" His voice concerned and his hand softly caressing her legs.

"As long as I have you in my corner, I'm fine." She hugged his neck. "I love you, Adrian."

"I love you too, Amy"

#choices adrian #adrian raines x mc #adrian raines #adrian x mc #adrian x amy

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pbandjesse · 5 years

Text

Today was a pretty excellent day. I had work but it was an excellent shift.

I slept pretty good. But getting up was really hard. James helped me get up. He made me a sandwich. And I got dressed. Wore the skirt I made yesterday. Felt cute.

It was warm out today. But my ride down to the museum was nice. And i got to work setting up the tour. Ran into the other educators. I was only scheduled for one tour today and it was a senior group! I hadnt had one before and I was excited!

And I was right to be! They were so nice. They got here about a half an hour early and they all had to use the bathroom which was very funny. Some of them were actually only like 70 not as old as I was anticipating. But they were all so nice and so sweet. One of the guys in the group was very skinny and tall and had suspenders on. He was very nice to me. He kept telling me how happy I seemed and how I just seem to love life. And that made me feel good. We broke them into two groups and that man and his wife are on my tour and everyone else was swimming. I also have the only two African American women on my tour, who was a mother and daughter. The mother being very very very old and in a wheelchair. It was really interesting the house an older black person on my tour but especially a woman. So I made sure I looked at her face when I said stuff to hear her reaction and kind of see if I was going in the right direction. We're trying to make a concerted effort at the Museum to find ways to talk about the African American story in the industries. And right now I only have a few places so I'm trying to do more research there.

The tour went great. Had a great time talking to them I got laughs and gasps and good questions and statements. They seemed really interested and I just had a really good time talking to them. It was a lot of fun.

And Liz from access art was there! Not on my tour but on an educator strip. A bunch of teachers from different schools with Baltimore city were taking a trip to see what the field trips were like. It was so nice to see her. And I was able to talk to her at the end of my tour and kind of ask some questions about what she's doing and how things are going with her. And encourage her to request me as an educator if she does bring a field trip group there to the museum. And we talked about a little bit of the African American storytelling that I brought up and she thinks that it's great and on her mural tour she's writing something very similar about printmaking so I might try to go on that tour when I get started to get some more information.

After I was done talking to Liz I went back over to my group who was just kind of hanging out waiting for the other half to be done. And the old man came up to me to just tell me how much he enjoyed the tour and he gave me $7. He didn't have to give me any money. So I gave him a hug. It was very nice of him. I actually got a couple hugs. Including from one woman who reminded me of my Grandma Rose a lot and felt like my grandma Rose when she hugged me. Like hard but her skin was soft. Like squishy soft. XU had a layer squish. That doesn't make any sense in sounds terrible but it was a really nice. I like old people.

We finished up and we talked about a couple more things while the other group got together. They went and watched a little movie in a theater and then they left.

I finished up and headed across the street to the bike store to get bolts and inner tubes. And it was hot outside! Like really bad. So I decided I would like halfway home and stop for food somewhere cold. Something with air conditioning. So we went to Xs which is kind of fusion Diner / sushi bar.

My poor waitress was so stressed out. The restaurant is 3 1/2 fours and they had sat me at the bar on the first floor and she was taking orders from both the first and the third floor. And she was really stressed and she kept apologizing. And I told her it would be easier if I just moved to the third floor. And she kept saying no no don't do that and I was like no it was going to make it better I'll do that I don't mind so I moved up to the top floor to try to make her life better. But she was obviously frazzled. So I ended up giving her my $7 tip that I got at the Museum because I felt like she needed it. Need a little bit of a pick-me-up. And I just tried to keep telling her that she was doing a good job and not to worry. I hope it helped brighten her day a little bit.

I came home after that. And when I walked into the apartment the mail person was there. It's a woman. And I asked her about a note that I had had written on one of my packages and she had no idea what it was about so must have been something before I even got to her. She was really nice.

But then I got like inside the building proper and it was filled with smoke. Like I was concerned there was a fire smoke. I got up to my apartment and there's no smoking here thankfully. So then I went up to the third floor and Nicholas and Kimberly who are upstairs neighbors, I'm at Kimberly for the first time this morning on my way out, were opening all the windows because apparently they had burnt pancakes.

They are so cute. They have snakes and plants everywhere and a pet rat and their apartment is just the epitome of a happy Haven. It is filled with crystals and tapestries and hippie stuff. It was wonderful. And they're both so sweet. They invited me inside so I could see the layout of their apartment and they said that if I ever wanted to come up and hang out and they even have a comfy chair and a bookshelf in the hallway that they call their free library and it's all like a vegetarian and vegan cookbooks and meditation books and it was so funny. I'm going to take him up on that though because they seem great and I want to be their friend.

They had to head out though so I came back down to the apartment. I took a bath and cooled off. I've mostly been chilling. I watched videos Frozen I tried to install the pull up bar but I decided I didn't like it in this one doorway so I'm going to move it to the other doorway. I had to repaint part of the wall because of this but that's fine. I change the eyes on the kitty pillow that James got me again. Made them a little smaller and I think it looks better now. I did a little bit of my collage I played with sweet pea. I rested in bed for a while. And then I remembered I need to switch the renter's insurance over and it was a whole thing online and it wouldn't work so I had to call in the woman I talked to you was very nice and I was able to move the insurance policy to this apartment and add James to it. So we are protected again.

I'm just kind of been having a nice afternoon though. James should be home soon. I will fix his bike and maybe I'll work on some art some more. I hope I sleep good. I have the morning off and then I'm doing tours in the afternoon. Going to bring my book with me and maybe it'll just be chill. Or maybe I'll give a couple tours or maybe I won't. You never know.

I hope you all have a great night. Keep sending those Good Vibes. Sleep well.

#ootd #selfie #babe #wotk #nice day #weird dog #cat #wensday

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theashesofthefirststar · 6 years

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Why Bisexual Lance is So Important

Alright guys, I want to get a little bit personal with you. I can't explain just how important bisexual Lance is without explaing the journey to understanding my own sexuality first, so bear with me for a little bit.

When I was a kid, I spent a ridiculous amount of time agonizing about my sexuality. I knew I liked boys, but there was also this part of me that felt drawn to girls. In fact, I have vivid memories of going to church with my grandparents and hiding away in the bathroom, quite literally praying that god would give me some kind've grand epiphany. Seeing that part of my upbringing was rather conservative, of course I didn't want to like girls, and I remember thinking that god wouldn't be so unfair, that if liking the same sex meant being sent to hell - as my fudemental church taught me - then god wouldn't set me up to lose like that.

This part of my story is an universal experience amongst a lot of people in the LGBT community. But this is where it gets tricky.

My mom came out to me as a lesbian when I was about thirteen. I had my suspicions, but the point is, she never told me. I had already internalized my sexuality, and because she hid hers from me, it was only natural for me to do the same. In fact, the only person I told about my possible bisexuality was one of her girlfriend.

Fast forward several years and I'm seventeen. I have only dated boys and am currlently with my boyfriend of one and half years. He was a good guy, but ignorant. We both were. He use to say that he was fine with me making out with my female friends because it was "just fun". Lol, spoiler alert 2011 boyfriend, that's not the way it works.

So I inevitably developed a crush on one of these girls I'm having fun with, and after some Freaks and Geeks style Teenage Angst™, I tell my well meaning boyfriend that I think I'm a lesbian and break up with him.

It's a big deal for me. I come out. The conservative part of my family holds an intervention, my mom makes some joke about receiving my How to be a Lesbian handbook in the mail. I had a few girlfriends. I genuinely felt as if I was strictly attracted to girls. It was great...until it wasn't.

Eventually, I do start dating sleeping with guys again. At first, I make excuses. "Oh, no girls want to date me anymore." Or "I'm just lonely. It was one time." And I did have to make excuses. My friends would constantly interrogate me. My ex took me to be some lying slut instead of the sexually confused individual that I was. And perhaps worst of all was the fact that I grew up with a mother who was biphobic. She - like a lot of lesbians I know- had an issue with bi woman. And look, I love this woman to death, but growing up she would say horrible things about bi woman without realizing her own ignorance.

This is the first differentiator between what its like to be gay and what its like to be bi. Over fifty percent of the LGBT community identifies as bisexual, and yet are subjected to more decrimination than any other fraction of said community within their own community. In the straight world, bisexual people are treated as slutty or confused. In the gay world, they're simply treated as if they don't belong.

This stems from a much bigger issue. When my friends would interrogate me, they'd always ask, "So do you like boys or girls?" Or, it was always or, never and. Once I accepted my sexuality, this infuriated me. At least until I realized that I was the same way. We are conditioned to compartmentalize things, sexuality and gender especially. People are assumed straight until proven gay. Bisexual is never on the bracket. Most people dont even realize that liking both boys and girls is an option.

And for many people, when they finally do, there's such an internalized biphobia that accepting it becomes actually painful. Accepting it means constant judgment. It means being ostracized by your gay friends.

"You can come the party, but you cant bring your opposite sex partner," says my lesbian friend, completely ignoring the B in LGBT.

"Oh, I know you're bi, but if you haddddd to choose," says a thirty something year old, gay man - my friend.

"Becca, if you convince my husband that he's bisexual, I swear-" says another gay friend of mine who constantly rejects his partners sexuality because godforbid he be married to one of us two-sex loving heathens.

Theres a reason why Bisexuals are said to be apart of the "phantom spectrum". Because we are constantly treated as if we don't exist. But it doesn't have to be that way. Media is one of the biggest and long lasting influencers in our lives. It shapes who we are and how we view the world.

I'm twenty three, and it wasnt until I was twenty one that I begane to proudly wear the label of bisexual. Its too late for me. I can't go back in time and change those formative years, but with something as simple as explicit bi representation, we can save a generation of kids the same confusion and stigma that many bi people experience today.

So yeah, I'm a little bit fed up with people treating me as if wanting Lance to be confirmed bisexual is the same as me pushing my Big Gay Agenda on them. If that's what you really think it's about, then you are willfully ignorant to the unique experiences of Bisexuals.

#Lance #lance appreciation #lance is bisexual #voltron #bisexual #bi representation #klance

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thistherapylife · 6 years

Note

I know your mother had untreated BPD & that for awhile you had trouble interacting with people with BPD as a result & it was something you were afraid you wouldn't be able to work with. I'm curious how you got past that. I'm very open about the fact that I have BPD but have found that a lot of people will assume things about me because of it and I've had a couple friendships fall apart because of friends whose parents had untreated BPD. It's frustrating and hurtful because I'm in treatment (z 1)

& dealing with my issues. I highly value self-improvement. I actually find that it seems like I’m working harder on myself than many of the people who are judging me for my disorder. I really believe that speaking openly about mental health is how we remove stigma in the long-run. But in the short-term, I’m finding that people aren’t giving me the benefit of the doubt & are assuming things about me that just aren’t true. I’m wondering how you got past that, so I could get some insight? Thanks!

Oh boy. First, I think it’s very admirable that you are seeking help. It’s hard! And a that’s a lot.

Chances are you are not going to like my answer. Because you are asking about the personal, I’m asking in the personal. Not in the professional world. Clinically, I was afraid I’d have too much counter transference and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to separate my personal experience from my professional self. My answer might be hard to read. It contains explicit descriptions of child abuse and suicidal ideation. Again this is the time to get off the ride if you you are in a place where negative experiences with someone with untreated BPD or child abuse. Chances are I’m going to get a lot of hate mail (note: I’ll just delete it) but I hope that this random response is helpful. It makes me nervous to share all of this. It’s not easy for me but I’m trying.

It wasn’t a while. It was decades. Literally, I’ve made this shift in last 3-4 years. It’s new. If someone in my social circle disclosed they had BPD before we come friends, I don’t know if I would stick around which is the exact issue you are dealing with. I would have to overcome a lot of my own responses and it’s a fuck ton of work for me.

Would my mom have been abusive if she hadn’t had BPD? I can’t answer that. I don’t know. But I know the two are entwined for her. The abusive elements of my childhood that have stuck with me the longest are all around the more typical symptoms of BPD (fear of abandonment, feelings of emptiness, extreme emotional swings, explosive anger, paranoia, suicidality). I can’t express how bad it was. I can’t express how hard it is was. I couldn’t have emotions or desires. I can’t get comfort or have needs. {Proofreading this made me realize I slipped tenses. I’m leaving it in. It’s hard to talk about it} I wished for death early and often because my life was so painful and frightening. I felt like my mom was going to die and that it was my fault. Why wouldn’t I believe my mom right? Her attitude and her interactions with me meant that other abuse wasn’t uncovered for years because who could I tell? It was chaotic and terrifying. I’d take her when she was hit me any day over years of psychological abuse. She’s threaten suicide. She left me places as punishment. She drove away when I “didn’t listen.” She told me my chronic pain didn’t exist.

Literally, I remember having a panic attack when I was in elementary school because I couldn’t stop myself from crying on the way home from school because there was no way for me to know what would happen. Would my mom blame me? Try and kill herself? Comfort me only to use the information later against? I got blamed for freezing her out and told that I could “Make your own damn food. I should make you walk home. You don’t know how lucky you have it. You know what? DON’T EVER COME TO ME FOR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. I can’t believe I have such an ungrateful daughter. What did I ever do to deserve this awful child? You’d be happy if I killed myself. I don’t want to hear your response - I know how you feel. Leave me alone. Go live with your father” By the morning, she greeted me like nothing had happened. I was no more than 10.

This is the smallest snippet of the first 14 years of my life. When I am in a social setting and start experiencing any of these things, my instinct is to run for the hills because I got out. I’m not getting back in. It takes a lot to swallow those protective instincts and make a different choice in my personal life especially when I’ve worked so hard for those boundaries and have to do a lot of this stuff professionally. I’ve had a ton of therapy. I feel like I’m a pretty good person who had long lasting, nurturing and loving relationships in a lot of different areas. But getting here was so much fucking work thanks to my history. I spent the first year of my relationship terrified to tell my partner when I was really upset with them. It’s still hard.

Off the top of my head, I have three friends with BPD, one I’ve known since I was 12, one I met two years ago and an online friend part of larger friend circle. I’m pretty close to the first (invites to the house, lunches, etc.) and the second is in between acquaintance and friend. Friend 1 is in recovery, Friend 2 is working on it (ish) and Friend 3 is at the earliest treatment stages. I still have very strong boundaries. I have to limit myself with anyone in my social circle who needs constant emotional or physical needs (obviously I’m not talking about recovering from a loss or a surgery or even a bad year for friends who have I been friends with for a long) because I can’t just give and give - Its work to maintain the close and loving friendships, the mentoring with young people I do, the other kids in my life, my partner AND still take care of myself. And I love my job you know? I have to have space for that and I don’t when I’m getting 3 am phone calls and texts. I don’t hate or judge the folks in those positions. I just can’t handle it in my personal life often. That is 100% on me NOT on them. None of the people mentioned above are abusive towards me. But sometimes I find myself very triggered and have to give myself space. I get that impulse that says that “this is dangerous and someone is trying to use you.”

This is NOT to say that you, or anyone else, with BPD in treatment, don’t deserve lasting friendships. You do. You absolutely deserve supportive friends. And I bet your work your ever-loving bum off to make changes to your life. I bet you will find them. It just might not be with particular subset of people who have an untreated BPD parent. I can’t speak to anyone else’s experience of an untreated BPD mom - just me. But I can hypothesize that fear and history are a huge part of it. These prospective friends might not be in a place to hear that you are in a different place than their experience. They may be assuming that their historical experience is what will happen now and be afraid. It takes me a while to figure out and I’ve done a fuck ton of work. Everyone gets to make the choices that keep themselves safe.

Please be gentle with yourself. Keep working, keep trying - you might want to explore some of the issues around the friendships and how to navigate that with your current therapist.

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seekandsekkle · 3 years

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Happy Full Moon in Sagittarius Family.

The Moon: This energy is like walking into a ratchet reality tv episode. We got this Sag Moon lounging around complaining and worrying while doing nothing and everything is due. Then Gemini walks in doing so much talking without looking and gets knocked head first into a wall. While the Sag Moon looks on and laughs then the Eclipse slides in and steals the show with some knock down drag out display of fuckery that won't allow you to do anything else but get tight and right so your life is not this shit show episode. Lunar Eclipses bring chaos into the universe. The purpose of that chaos is to shake you out of the complacency you tend to fall into when you get too comfortable with the bullshit. We ain't got time for that so that means we get this all star lineup. Sag the Archer is getting its bow and arrow ready to deal with all the old shit showing up due to the retrograde, then you have Gemini the grand communicator cooking up conversations that need to be had so healing can occur or freedom can be obtained. Mr. Eclipse is pulling you and your emotions to the darkside so you can get to the roots of some of your core issues...or at least look at them....acknowledge them at the very least cause you could easily get dragged for taking your shit out on everybody because you refuse to do the work on yourself. All funny bits aside we gotta pay attention to the feeling coming up but wait to react. Some of these feelings are parts of old stories we created about ourselves that are not true or they are old paradigms that have shifted on their side but you are still on the previous page. You will never know what people are currently thinking or feeling if you haven't asked. Assumptions get us in a lot of trouble. This is a rough time for everyone in some way or a challenging time. You have no idea what someone is struggling with so be mindful and compassionate about that. Hell be compassionate to ya' got damn self. You've been struggling too, sad too, fucked up in some way too. How would you want folks to respond, how would you like to be cared for?

The Ritual: This Moon and Eclipse ask us to honor the divine feminine. We are still in the mode of honoring the sacred mother, the mothership, the portal of life, the vagina, the womb, the creatrix that gives us access to this world. She is divine and she is worthy of honor and praise. If you are bleeding we honor you and thank you . If you are ovulating we honor you and thank you. If you are deeply emotional we honor you and thank you. If you are activated and excited we honor you and thank you, If you are conceiving we honor you and thank you. If you are in the middle of birth we honor you and thank you. We honor the divine feminine within us regardless of identity. It is the energy of this earth and we must recognize ourselves in her and honor what is sacred. Light a white or pink candle for her, state what you want to release. Breathe in and exhale deeply holding your womb or your belly and feel the energy of the great mother. Thank her humbly.

The Tea: (read the sign for your sun, moon and rising to get the most out of this tea)

Aries - You ready for something new...life, job, career, path, religion, teacher...something ain't been working and you are finally ready to make it happen. You wanna feel good, feel like you are progressing at something. Now is the time. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on your fears,especially when it comes to your fame or lack thereof. You are afraid to get under that spotlight due to the past. Just know things can be different this time, believe in yourself.

Taurus - Being avoidant won't make the things go away, it just makes a bigger mess to clean up later. Lets get ahead of the shit this time and just face it all head on. I know this ain't how you like it but trust me its better this way. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on beliefs. Everything you have understood to this point could be actually different and you may begin to see the truth for the first time on some things and this may shake you up a bit. You will really see how truth can set you free on ideas and beliefs that no longer serve you.

Gemini - You have been everything for everybody and now you need the care you give, the love you give, the service you provide. You are gonna sit this one out and go inward yet again. Have several seats and get your list of boundaries so you are not overdoing and hurting yourself in the process. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on personal power or lack of thereof. Somewhere in there you forgot who the fuck you are. It's time to remember you are a dynamic, divine being. Accept your greatness and move on.

Cancer - This moon energy has thrown a wrench in all of your plans. The goal was to help you see that you can be your biggest enemy. You make choices sometimes that pull you away from all the blessings you have in your hands. You may lose some things so that you may learn to appreciate some things. I know it feels frustrating because everything was going so well and then it all derailed....Let this be looked at as divine intervention umkay. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your relationships how you manage them and who you have them with. You may have a hard time listening to your gut during this cycle. Get some guidance for once you could gain some insight that gets you back on track to winning.

Leo - Trying to create with others is not the way to go this moon cycle. You will have miscommunications and misunderstandings and who knows what else. You got some good ideas but at the wrong time. Wait it out and once Mercury goes direct try again. This Eclipse is casting its light on ya mouth. Watch what you say and to whom. Don't get caught up in drama or gossip it will backfire yo ass so swift you will think you got hit,

Virgo - The world is trying to tell you to slow and steady wins the race but you ain't been listening. Do you okay but just know that this tendency to think you know better will show you exactly where you went wrong when it's too late. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on the details. Make sure you check your mail, email, messages, schedules so you don't overbook, underbook or double book ya self. Be extra Virgo about all this stuff so you don't have too many "Doh" moments

Libra - You trying to fly out the nest but you need to settle for a Staycation cause this retrograde energy will mess up all your plans. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your temper. This is a great time for breathwork, grounding and following the way of the peaceful warrior cause you aint gon' win none of the fights you find yourself in.

Scorpio - Hold on to ya coins. This ain't the time to sign the deal. This retrograde energy will have you regretting all the decisions you make right now, While you wait you can use this time dreaming, creating, or making money instead of spending money. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your feelings. Ima tell this heaux to leave you alone and let you be. It's too much for you anyway. This is not a time when I'm gonna tell you to go deep into that scary darkness. This time ima let you turn a night light on while you focus on some unexpected blessing falling out the sky for you.

Sagittarius - Out with the old in with the new. New you boo boo. Since you are changing and growing, so are your needs, hopes and dreams. This could also factor in your need to change you who fucking with. Everybody can't come where you are growing, they won't fit in the car nor the life you are dreaming to have. It's ok you won't miss them when you're happy doing something or someone else. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your communication especially with people you're romantically connected to. If you are booed up check in on thangs so you stay that way.

Capricorn - Hey Cappy this moon will have all your shit fucked up...ok that was dramatic as hell and you didn't deserve that but if I said it nicely you wouldn't take me seriously. You can be practical and go over all meeting details 100 times. I say surrender to the bitch and just blame everything on the retrograde. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your transformation. You've been doing some work on yourself, now it is a good time to do an assessment of these changes and chart your progress. Shift somethings if its needed

Aquarius - Your path is the way of the solo wanderer. Your best magic is done in the privacy of your own space, cooking up a good meal and spending time with the emotions no one knows you have. The Eclipse is casting its shadow on the drama brewing with the comrades. Your job is to whistle and walk on by when the bullshit starts flying around. You can try some comic relief to lighten up the mood or you can simply let the bomb go off after you have left the building of course.

Pisces - Playing small won't get you nothing at all. You are a Boss so embrace it. This is a great time to release some old feelings of worthiness, imposter syndrome of just lack of confidence. You got this, believe me. This Eclipse is casting its shadow on your homegirl/boy crew. Some people aint gon' make it on your new team and let that be ok. We tend to grow apart from folks when we start doing the work. Misery wants company but evolution wants the light.

Extra Tea

Weed Strains for your sign. Puff Good

Make yourself some good ass Moon Water. Set a full jar of spring water (lid on) in the Moon light and let this energy charge it up. Harvest before daybreak. Drink it for a charge, bath in it for a cleanse, give it to your plants for a blessing.

This is a Super Moon and this Eclipse has taken the energy to another level. We could use some help so I recommend charging up your Blue Lace Agate. This stone will help you manage the Geminis Sun and Sagittarius Moon energy since together they could have you combobulated. Blue Lace Agate is good for helping you get your thoughts together, it will help you pull those repressed feelings to the surface so you can release them. I appreciate the way it helps me stand firm in my truth...whatever truth that is in the moment. This is a perfect stone to use when you need help activating your throat chakra. If you don't already have some now would be a good time to getchoo some.

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Bushmama Africa

Multidisciplinary Artist, Curator, Workshop Facilitator

Spiritual Life Coach, Intuitive Astrologist

Culture Preservationist, Sex Trafficking Abolitionist

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